CheapShow - Ep 159: Tea Stained Eggs

Episode Date: January 3, 2020

It's the start of a new year at CheapShow HQ. Rather than dive straight in to a new episode packed with tat, cheap eats and segments, Paul and Eli have decided to put together a "relaxed fit" episode, where they can take stock of the past 12 months. However, if you think this is going to be a contemplative reflection on 50 odd episodes of he podcast, you are sorely mistaken. In fact, pretty much from the start, things go off on a tangent and it rarely finds its way back. Expect way too many new characters, random thoughts and quite a lot of pointless singing. It's quite the show! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-159-tea-stained-eggs If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow

Hello, Paul. Hello, Mr. Silverman. Welcome to our end-of-the-year relaxed fit. Ooh, relaxed episode of Cheap Show. I'm relaxed. Where we're just going to pontificate and extrapolate and reminisce on the years gone by. I thought we'd have a nice, chill episode. The years, comma, S.

The years gone by. It doesn't really work. No, year, comma, S. Like, it belongs to this year's. It belongs to the year. This year's. This year. The events., year, comma, S. Like, it belongs to this year's. It belongs to the year. This year's. This year. The events.

The year's events. Yes. The year's events. Yes, not years. No. Of the years. Not events over the years. We're looking back over the year's events.

Yes. The years of events. No. So that's what I'm saying. You put the of in, and it makes it different. I'll put my of in. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Do you call your penis the of? And it makes it different. I'll put my of in. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Do you call your penis the of? Look at my of. Oh. Hello, darling. Have you seen the of?

Oh, this is not working, man. Nothing's working. You're poorly again. I'm not poorly. I'm hungover. Again. It's the festive season, Paul. No. This is every week.

Every week. Every episode. I would love to, Paul. No, this is every week. Every week, every episode. I would love to, an actual fact, go back over every episode this year. And see how many times I've said I was sick. How many times they start with you going, oh, Paul, I can't do this. I can't do this, Paul.

I can't do it. Oh, my arse. It's fucking pathetic working with you There, well that's where the magic comes from It's not where the magic comes from That is where the magic comes from Ladies and gentlemen, it is New Year's Eve as we record this

We are going to reflect on the year So hold tight, strap in, get suited get booted, put on your shades lock down, close the door set the alarm, it's time for the Cheap Show Review of the Year. With Jimmy Savile. I hate you

and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles It's just a fact of Cheap Show You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap Show Cheat Show It's the Price of Shite Paul Gannon

Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle. Yeah, I just thought we'd have a nice kind of chill episode. No agenda. So what, there's no segments? No segments. I feel all untethered.

Yeah. Well, hey, man. Where's my tethering of segments? I want to start, then, by giving you something. Oh, yeah. A portion. So I saw these on sale. Are you going to give me a portion or something? No, I'll save all that knobgag for later. I'm just going to warm into it. I'd like a portion. So I saw these on sale. Are you going to give me

a portion or something? No, I'll save all that knob gag for later. I'm just going to warm into it. I'd like a portion, Paul. Would you like a hot portion? Would you like?

I'd like you to apportion me a slice of portion, please. Would you like a slice of portion? Is that what you want? You'd like a slice of portion? You've got something for me. I've got something for you.

Oh, come on. So these are on sale in a card shop and I got myself one and I got you one as well. Ooh've got something for me. I've got something for you. Oh, come on. So these are on sale in a card shop and I got myself one and I got you one as well. Ooh. Just a little thing. As in a card shop

as in like a hallmark? Yeah. I can't remember the name of the store. It was like Scribble or something maybe. I can't remember now. Paper Chase.

Paper Chase is more stationary. But you know how I like pin badges? Who doesn't? Well, here's the one I got myself, first of all. Oh, that's a nice pin badge. Have a little look at that. This is the one I got myself first of all that's a nice pin badge have a little look at that

this is the one I got me this is a this is very good isn't it I like it it's a little calculator pin badge yeah

like old school sort of calculator finishing in chrome yeah I like that kind of and so you think oh that's a nice little calculator but then

you can see the number that has been written into the display screen what's the number is 5 3 1 8 0 0 8 but that means nothing to me if you turn it off But then you can see that the number that has been written into the display screen is 5318008. But that means nothing to me. If you turn it upside down.

What happens? It says boobies. It says boobies. Hey. I remember doing that on a calculator a lot. It felt like you broke the code to reality when you go, look, shell. It smells shell. And then someone goes, no, mate.

5318-8. That's the truth. And you go, boobies. And everything changes. Everything changes when you spell it. I used to take the calculator home. You couldn't get your cock out and rub it on the calculator. I just wank off over the word boobies. Yeah.

In a toilet. So what did you do? You take the calculator home. I just wank off over the word boobies. Yeah. In a toilet. So what did you do? You take the calculator home. I went eight oh five three one

eight zero zero eight boobies splopper splopper splopper splopper

splopper splopper like that splop awful. So anyway that's the one I got. That's nice. Very nice.

Very nice pin badge. But right next to that You know on the subject of pin badges, you know we have cheap show pin badges. Yeah, we do.

Are there any of those left? No, there's one or two and they are, long story short, going to make some new ones. I've got one, I wear one of mine proudly.

Yes, me too. I've got one of mine proudly on my denim jacket and someone the other day said, oh, that's a really nice pin badge.

It is a lovely pin badge. It's a lovely pin badge. I'm going to get more made. Double pin, isn't it? Double pin. It's got some heft. It is a lovely pin badge. It's a lovely pin badge. I'm going to get more made. Double pin, isn't it? Double pin. It's got some heft. It's got some girth. It's got some width and girth.

It needs double pin into your chest. Yes, it certainly does. Anyway, here's the badge I found for you. Oh, I can't wait. It's like Christmas. Oh, mate, this is fucking excellent. Isn't it? I'm so easily pleased.

This is a bowl of ramen. Yeah. And it has a little chain. Dangling apart from it. And on that chain are the chopsticks. Yeah. You can't really see the noodles, but you know they're down there. You know they're there.

They're the base. What you can see is two halves of an egg. Probably a tea-stained egg. Yeah. Or sometimes they just call it a seasoned egg. Why is called tea stained or seasoned what happens to the egg they do something to it it's boiled yeah and but when they get it really good the yolk isn't hard yeah the yolk is sort of semi-liquid still oh yeah yeah and it's tea stained it's seasoned with tea essentially so they it's sort of got brown blotches on it where the tea is on. You drop it in a...

It gives it a sort of smokiness. Okay, but what do you do? You drop the egg into a cup of tea or something? You know what? I don't actually know

how they stain the egg with tea. I had a big shot the other day and stained my eggs. Really? Yeah. Now you're admitting

to sharting. We had a whole thing about it. I was on the toilet though. Oh, okay. That's not a shart then, We had a whole thing about it. I was on the toilet, though. Oh, okay. That's not a shart, then, is it? It is a shart. That's just taking a poo. I can't believe we're doing this.

What do you mean you can't at all? We ever do. So, yeah. I got you that little bag. So what? You took a shart and your eggs got blowback, did they? When you say your eggs, do you mean... Don't say.

I can't believe we're doing this. And then carry on the conversation. Something occurred to me. The concept of it. So what? When you say your eggs, do you mean your pods? Do you mean your dangles? My dangle pods.

Yeah. So you know when you see those old films, like the film Genevieve, for example? I've never even heard of that. You've never heard of Genevieve? It's like a silent movie. It's a British film from the 50s, I want to say, about a London to Brighton car race in old jalopies. Ah.

Yeah. And the big car where all the action happens is called Genevieve. Is it the winner or the hero? I can't remember how it ends. It's got a bit of rivalry

going on. It's a race. Yeah. It's a race, isn't it? Love story in there as well. But anyway, forget that. You know those cars in those films,

those jalopies, you know when they backfire? You know when they start... And they go... And they go big bang. Yeah. That was what my arse was like. Swap out the exhaust fume

for liquid, liquid shit. Liquid fissures. And I literally felt the blow on my balls. Your balls went... Yeah, they kind of... They moved. Yeah, did they? They moved in the wind.

And there was a death and spattering. Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show. Oh, my pods got blasted with shit in the wind. Oh, my pods get blasted with particles. Oh, my pods are a curtain of meat and it gets the shit wave coming over it. Good.

Wobble. This is... That is pathetic. That really is quite... Well, Paul, you've untethered me. There's no segments. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm on bed, in my bed again,

doing this fucking podcast. I know you're going to do it lying down for a moment, weren't you? We had it all set up so you could lie. Do you want to do that now? Do you want to lie down? Go and lie... Try doing it with your lying...

I'll help you. Let you get... I've got one second. Don't loom over me. I'm not... I'm going to help you set the mic up, so get comfortable. Get comfortable, right?

Generally, are you comfortable? Don't fucking try any funny business. I just want to know if you're comfortable. This is really weird now. Are you ready? Stop, don't... You're going to frost it into my gob. How about that?

That's good, yeah. Yeah? Now, give us a mic test. Hello, one, two, one, two. Yeah, that's all right, that. Okay, I'm here. I'm just going to tilt it a little bit further down. Hang on.

Are you comfortable? Hello, Paul. Here I am. Are you lying down? You're standing up. And I'm going to molest you! No! Merry Christmas.

Oh, you fucking hell. No, go on. You can lie down. Right, how was Christmas for you fucking hell Right How was Christmas for you then Paul? I'm dying You didn't work Christmas Day As you have in previous years I worked Till Christmas morning

So I was working Till the early hours of Christmas Day 7am Oh really on Christmas Day Yeah and then I went home And had a bit of a kip And then I woke up Did they get a taxi?

Yeah Was it very quiet going through London? Very quiet going through London. It's almost like, you know, the beginning of 28 Days Later. You could always... Why are you doing a posh voice for that film? Because this is my new character. What's he called?

McGruntney Cuntfump. Just stop saying sounds. His name is Nigel Barrington. No, come on. Nigel barrington is this his name is mccartney grant thump hello my name is nigel barrington and i'm here to talk about the finer things in life well just a nice soup son of champagne on the rooftop of the chrysler. Oh, yeah. On New Year's Eve. Old school sort of American posh. Is that what you're going for? And I'm sipping to the new year, 1941. Here we go.

Pip, pip. Well, I've got a new character. Here he comes. All right, yeah. Maybe we could use the episode as a character tryout session. I'm Roger Gynora. Hello. Right, what is this?

So far, nothing. Well, you've got to address me as a character and pretend I'm real, don't you? All right, so what's your name again? Roger. Gynora. Roger Gynora. Mr. Gynora.

Yes. What's your gimmick? No gimmick. I'm just a real person. Out. What? You failed the audition for this show. Out.

Did you hear my name, though? Yeah, it's not very good. You can't just presume. If the name's good enough, it's a character. And that's not a good enough name. Can I just repeat the name? How about Rumpety-pa-cum-cum? I'm Roger Gynora, right?

So... Yeah, but what does that mean? I just thought that would count for something here. There's nothing to it. They sent me along. My mum sent me along. She said... Your mum was wrong to send you along.

She said, Roger, was wrong to send you along. She said, Roger, take the Gynora name and go and impress them with your very hilarious sounding name. They'll love you. The problem is, Mr. Gynora, is that we need more than just

a slightly odd name. Can I come back in 10 minutes? I might have something. Yeah, because we're going to need more than that. All right, I'll go off now. Our characters have to have a rich solid you know

centre a kind of a hook that we can you know I just thought Gynora would be you know

strong on that maybe do some research listen to a few episodes I'm going to call my mother I'm going to go phone my mother I'll see what she has to say and I tell you what I don't know

Mr Gannon yes you're just doing your own voice now that's how crap this character is no I'm Roger Gynora

I have a very similar voice it's another reason why they said I'd be good I could stand in for Eli sometimes so you'd be Eli's stunt voice

yeah I could say things like hello I'm Roger Gynora no but you have to say your name's Eli if you're standing in for him alright

should I try that? Yeah. Hello, Eli, how are you? Yeah, I'm okay, yeah, I'm all right. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, it's like working with a nice Eli. Yeah, it's, yeah.

But I'm Roger Gynora, you know? Eli, you're fired. We're going to get Roger in to be you. Uh, hang on. Hang on, who am I talking to? Who am I? What's going on? Right, I'm Roger Gynora. I'm going to head off and see if I can come up with some gimmick. Hang on, who am I talking to? Who am I? What's going on? Right, I'm Roger Gynora.

I'm going to head off and see if I can come up with some gimmick. Hang on, no, you're Eli. Why do you know I'm sitting next to you? You just sound like him. Well, we sound similar. You do. But you can see from looking at me that I am Roger Gynora. Yeah, you're very different looking people.

Right, I'm going, yeah? He's much more handsome. I'm going. Who? I'm Roger Gynora. Stop saying that, Eli. Roger, Roger, Roger Gynora. Roger, Roger, Roger Gynora. Roger Gynora. Stop saying that, Eli. Roger, Roger, Roger Gynora. Roger, Roger, Roger Gynora.

Roger Gynora. That's it. That's it. I'm going. Not good enough. I'm going to go think of my gimmick. All right, so bye. Not good enough.

Bye. He was good. I thought he was good. Well, Eli, yeah, he's left. No, it's me. Hello, Roger. I'm Eli. No, you're just doing his voice.

Don't try to gaslight me again. All right? There's a distinct fucking... There's a wall between me and Jynora. Yeah? Yeah. Not much of one. I just thought I'd addle your brain. Here's my new character. Ready?

You've already done three characters today. I'm a rich fountain of characters. Characters. Coming out of me. Characters. Is this a character? Can of me. Pfft. Characters. Is this a character? Can I just ask you that? Yeah.

Is this the character fountain? Is the character? I... Oh, no. Here we go. He's going to do his wobbly voice. Wobbly mouth voice. I've got to take my earphones off

or they'll just fall off. Oh, God. I am the character fountain. No, I love this. This is, yeah, what I live for what character would you like Eli

and it's just for could I have a look like a woman in her 20s brunette hello oh hello um

my name's Sandra I like your fuck and I can make your dreams come true you can you're very nice looking.

I'm a 22-year-old brunette with a lovely body. I could do modelling. I could do adverts. I could do films. I could do modelling. I can do anything you want. Would you like to be my boyfriend, Mr. Silverman? Well, I'd have to go on a few dates to see what the lay of the land are. Yes, lay out the lay of the land out

yeah and what kind of romantic date would you take me on maybe dinner like a casual dining place gourmet burger kitchen something like that

yeah yeah gourmet that sounds nice doesn't it and then maybe walk along the Thames and touch my tits yeah yeah yeah

on the first date you fucking monster I thought you were a gentleman your voice monster. I thought you were a gentleman. Your voice has changed. I thought you were a gentleman. Paul, are we actually going to do anything on this fucking... No, I just thought we'd do one episode. We'll just see what happens.

No, but aren't we going to look at what they've done this year? All right, let's start with that then. Let's segment it, since you're so into segments. I'm going to the cheap show website thecheapshow.co.uk and uh episode so what episode was last christmas it's like one well last christmas was was that in this year that was last year the office christmas party was episode 107 the first appearance of freddie goon he's a character character who's fallen into the hearts and minds of many of our fan base.

Well, he's got a very strong USP, doesn't he? Can I just mention as well? What? Now that you've inspired me for remembrances, is that someone on Instagram, I can't remember the name right now,

it's really bad of me, is doing a video game type thing for Cheap Show. A point and click kind of adventure. I've already seen the graphics. Is that what you showed me? Yeah, you look tiny. I look a state. You look tiny. I've already seen the graphics. Is that what you showed me? Yeah, you look tiny. I look a state.

You look tiny. I've got a red nose. I look as... Jimmy Goon's there or whatever his name is. Yeah, all the characters. I'm in it. Does Jimmy Goon get hard downstairs? I hope so.

Is that part of the play? You've got to find a way to get him hard downstairs. Maybe that's a... Or maybe he needs to get hard downstairs in order to, you know, open a door or something. Yeah, maybe. So that's on Instagram. Perhaps his hard downstairsness. Cheap show game game i think it

would be excellent yeah yeah it's great when all the more talented people do stuff about us that'd be brilliant i'd like to play freddy goon in that yeah yeah but it's a game yeah i'd like to control

to see it i like freddy goon i like the idea of a point and click cheap show game definitely fits with the uh style yeah in the house of pickles and all that stuff and teen yeti in the House of Pickles and all that stuff.

Escape from the House of Pickles. Yeah. It's exciting. It'd be good if they had a bit where you could get outside the podcast and walk

along the segments. Yeah. Or a bit where you could spoff in my face. Oh yeah. Yeah you get spoff awards.

Spoff spoff spoff spoff spoff spoff spoff gooey gooey spoff spoff spoff spoff spoff spoff spoff goo spoff, spoff. Gooey, gooey. Spoff, spoff, spoff, spoff, spoff, spoff. Gooey, gooey, goo. Dribble, dribble, dribble. Spoff, spiff, dribble, dribble.

Split, slap, goblet, spiff, spoff. Spiff, spiff, he's spiff, boff, drop. Dribble, spoff, spoff, dribble, spoff. Spoff, spoff. I'm sorry if anyone listening thought there was going to be content this week. We need to retrieve some... Oh, hang on. What?

Roger's back. Oh, Roger, come on in. Oh, hello. Come on. Hello. Hello, Gann. I thought about what you said about needing a centre. An angle, yeah.

So what it is, is I get... Hot town stars. No, no, no, no, no. I've got some soil from out there. Yeah. no I got some soil from out there yeah it's got some grubs in it

yeah yeah I'm Roger Brian Roger what are you doing I scrub

all my grubs you scrub all your grubs yeah what does that mean

I've got a handful of soil and I'm Roger all you're doing is rubbing soil against your chest I like it it's all the grubs with all the Yeah. What does that mean? I've got a handful of soil and I'm Roger Gynura. All you're doing is rubbing soil against your chest. I like it. It's all the grubbers.

With all the grubs. All the grubs get in the ears. I don't know. I'm Roger Gynura. I'll be fair. You're getting close to what is expected of a cheap show. I'll go back and think about it, okay? Can you make it shit?

Yeah. Could you make it rabbit shit? I'm Roger Gynura. I've got a handful of crabbily rabbit food. Again, I apologise if anyone listening was expecting that. Right, I'm off. I might come back. Because it's a good name.

My mum said it was a very good name. Gynora. So far, it's all you've got. I'm going. Well, grubs. Yeah? Anything? Anything?

What? Well, doing it. Mate, I've checked out of this character I'm just letting you do your thing right now I'm not really engaged I am not here man

I'll just I'll just go I'll let you talk yourself out the scene alright bye hello mum no he doesn't

he hasn't gone for it no I'll come home yeah can I have a fish fingers yeah yeah yeah thanks mum I'll come home, yeah. Can I have a fish fingers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks, man. Right, bye. Bye, Paul. Yeah, oh yeah, bye. I thought he had some promise, actually, Roger Gionora. No. Let's look at the episodes. So we did an episode called Dickalot Bear.

Yes, that was in this year? Was that the first one of the year? I think so. Yeah. Dickalot Bear is when we looked, we had a copy of the Care Bears LP, didn't we? Was it?

Was that it? Yes. Apparently. And this is just, the problem is I find it difficult because I write the blurb every week for the episodes to kind of not make it sound samey. So I try and spice up what it's about. But as a result, it means that sometimes you obscure about it. It's not hard to, it's hard to up what it's about but as a result it means that

sometimes you obscure about it's hard to tell what it actually was about yeah I remember it was in LP do you remember League of Snacks

and we talk about Doritos there's East Elfman's Platter was from Charity Shop Finds but it doesn't say what else Doritos were invented it might have been yeah you might have been

Care Bears in that episode the fact that came up then is that Doritos were invented in Disney World do yeah you might have been Care Bears in that episode the fact that came up then is that Doritos were invented in Disney World do you remember no oh yeah yeah

and then we listened to Fresh Prince and the Frank Mike Tyson song I'm gonna hit Mike Tyson ooh and he gonna knock me out ooh

I'm gonna hit Mike Tyson oh yeah I'm gonna knock him out I could beat Tyson or whatever yeah the one that sounds almost exactly like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air song. It's very similar. Peter and the Wolf.

The Disney... That's a nice little thing, isn't it? Yeah, the read-along record thing. Yeah. And yeah, Care Bears album. That's right, because it had those really odd, dodgy stereotypes. No, you're thinking of the Cabbage Patch. Oh, yeah.

But no, I think the Care Bears did have, the Bad Bear was a bit, was coded foreign, slightly, wasn't it? Yeah, something like that. No, the Care Bear, the Cabbage Pail, what they're called,

Cabbage Patch Dolls, the album of that had a very Jewish baddie, didn't it? That was it, yeah. Eastern European Jews. I'm going to make you a thing.

You think, oh, yeah. And then there was,'m going to make you a thing. You think, oh, dear. And then there was also an African-American character as well. Crocodile? Yeah. Like Louisiana kind of. Yeah, it was also a bad one. I am going to eat the babies. It was all quite bad, wasn't it?

I think there was some of that in The Care Bears, but what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Hopefully you live, you learn. You don't make racist kids programs anymore. That's all you could hope for in this day

and age. Next episode 109 the ancient order of froth blowers. Yeah. Don't remember that. You don't remember that.

They've done a t-shirt of that. That's your thing froth. What was it? Was it one of those kind of dollop things we did?

It's this weird sort of union. They weren't a union but they were like an organisation weren't they? Froth blowers were like people who blow

the froth off beers. The froth off. You could blow my froth off. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Can I get your broth? I bet this was the exact same gag I made

back in 109. Can I get your broth all boiling off? Yeah, you've got to get And then froth, I'll skim the froth off. You've got to get the bubbling hot.

I'll skim the froth off, the broth top off. Yeah, you get the top off. Paul, I'll skim the broth off, the top of your brough-off. Chough. Chough. Choughney.

I'll cough on your frothy brough-off. Choughney. What's that mean? I'm Choughney Hilaire. Is that a new character? Yes. Go on. Hello, I'm Choughney Hilaire.

What fun. No, it's fun here. I like this house of pickles. Smells nice. I'm Choffney Hilaire. What fun. Oh. No, it's fun here. I like this house of pickles. Smells nice. Mmm. I'm Choffney Hilaire. Ah, it's funny. The way I say Hilaire, it's exactly like my second name.

Hilaire. Apparently, in this episode, you brought some American candy with you. Who? You did. Me, Choffney? Yeah. Me, Choffney Hilaire? I don't.

I've just appeared. Cheese it. Yeah, cheese it. Bacon and cheddar cheese it. Oh, those hung around. Thank you, Choffney? Yeah. Me, Choffney Hilaire? I don't, I've just appeared. Cheez-Its. Yeah, Cheez-Its. Bacon and cheddar Cheez-Its. Oh, those hung around. Thank you, Choffney, by the way. Oh, the order of the froth blows are those cufflinks. I don't know what that means.

You're now just looking at the photos from an old episode. Well, no, that's the whole fucking point, isn't it? I'm looking back. It's terrible that I can't remember this fucking podcast that we do at times. Episode 110, the spider milk fallout. What's that? We got some Bean Boozled and we played a game and there was new bad flavours of Bean Boozled, including spider milk. Oh, wait, you had the snapping turtle jerky in that.

Oh, that was so bad. Umami seasoning. That's good. Tool car. Oh, that's when we did the lie detector Satan Sinner. Sourpatch, Spider-Man earphones, popping candy pork. I've still got those up there Satan's sinner That Sour patch Spider-man earphones Popping candy pork I've still got those

They're up there Look You can see my Spider-man earphones Yeah It's just worth it For the packaging really Isn't it

Yeah You want to have The earphones in there Don't you It was on the airplane Wasn't it Because you were watching No

It was when I went to go And see Into the spider-verse What They just gave you Headphones Yeah In a little packet

I think you could Plug them into the side of the seat. Oh. It was a good idea because there's always some fucking, and there was someone

in that screening who was literally, she was by herself. Yeah. But she was literally explaining the film to herself. Literally going,

yeah, he wants to do that because he, you know what I mean? Saying it out loud. He shouldn't go in there. Don't go in there. But usually, it's someone talking to their, you know, their mean? Saying it out loud. He shouldn't go in there. He shouldn't. Don't go in there. But usually it's someone

talking to their, you know, their mate. She's by herself. Now you don't want to do less by the man. Like, fucking hell. Maybe there's a very tiny person

in the show that you just couldn't see. I didn't spot them. They'd have to be sub three foot. Well, maybe they were tiny. How small are we saying? Like elf. Like an elf.

Oh, is that an actual size of person? An elf? No, I'm just saying maybe it was an elf. You talk about my character as being toxic. What? And then you just said... You're banding terms around like elf. A very small person described as an elf.

I'm talking about a literal elf. Maybe their friend is an elf. A literal fairy elf. Yes. From the... Are they hollow? Called Mr. Sprinkles. Oh, no.

I did walks like this. Oh, I'm Mr. Sprinklesles. Oh, no. And it walks like this. Oh, I'm Mr. Springles. I'm Choffney Hilaire. Oh, hello, Choffney. Well, what are you, an elf or something? Yes, and you know what I do? I make wishes come true. Oh, could you...

I'd like not to exist anymore. There goes Choffney. There goes Choffney. There goes Choffney. There goes Choffney. Poor old Choffney There goes Choffney There goes Choffney There goes Choffney Poor old Choffney There goes Choffney while I can't My name's Choffney

My name's Choffney There goes Choffney while I can't Pass me that book Which one? I'm going to mention that This? Oh yeah, do it Oi Watch it Throwing shit at me Mention that. This? Oh, yeah, do it. Oi! Watch it.

Throwing shit at me. Ow! Fuck you. So, my stepmother got me a book for Christmas. Yeah, what's the book called? It's called The Unhappiness of Being a Single Man. Ah. Yeah.

Ah. Have you read it? It's Kafka. I mean, it's nice. Very nice. Let's have a look. So, is it's Kafka I mean it's nice very nice let's have a look so is it did she buy it

because she thought you might like Kafka or did she write it it's hard to know it's hard to know just because of the title of the book Kafka's fantastic

I would like to read it the stories are dreamlike allegorical symbolic parabolic grotesque ritualistic nasty

lucent extremely personal ghoulishly detached exquisquisitely comic, numerous and prophetic. They're good, yeah. The New York Times. His stories are good. But what I'm into is like, it's a beautiful edition, isn't it? It's very nice.

It's like a softback, a paperback, but it has, what are they called, those fold over bits. Just has those little, like a dust cover. It's like a dust cover, but it's the actual cover. It just has those little, like a dust cover. It's like a dust cover, but it's the actual cover. And my dad was saying to me, we live in an era where books are really beautiful. New books are so well made these days.

Do you know what I mean? It's because Kindle's a specialist item. Yeah, you have to make books more alluring. So they're more than just a book now. Yeah, but it just has led to some beautiful objects. Do you know what I mean? It's very pleasingly made that book it's nice

I like the feel of the cover as well it's got a roughness to it high fibre content in that and also not like your guts at all right now

perhaps I should eat this book but yeah yeah I just thought it was amusing it's like you know you know

some people get those things those sort of stupid cards from Poundland that said shut up it's like you know you know some people get those things those sort of stupid cards from Poundland that said shut up it's Christmas or whatever it's like

you lonely cunt happy Christmas yeah or whatever or you fat old cunt mug yeah like when people turn 50

oh don't worry you're gonna be dead you old cunt dad what should I get my dad for his 60th oh there's a cup saying you're past it

you dead old sad fuck yeah exactly that's what my dad would want to see. But I mean, this is more of a sort of middle-class way of getting one of those, isn't it? It's a very middle-class way of doing that. Now, there was another thing, Paul, that you were going to mention to me

that you said, I'll save it for the podcast. Oh, yeah, it's not a huge thing, but I thought I'd save the story as best I remember it. So, Fiona Bruce has been talking about her time on Antiques Roadshow. And she is a very, is she very well-known British TV presenter. Scottish.

She's Scottish. No. Bruce. She's the one who does Question Time at the moment. She must be Scottish originally. Well, maybe her family has lineage of... She's called Bruce. Yeah, it doesn't mean she's related to the guy who hid in the cave from the spider.

Is that what Leonard the Bruce did? Yeah. No, he's not called Leonard the Bruce. Lenny the Bruce? Johnny the Bruce. No, he's not. He's Robert the Bruce. Robert the Bruce.

Hello, yes, I'm Robert the Bruce. And the story goes he's in a battle and he's getting his arse handed to him and he was like, I'm out of here.

He went to a cave and he saw a spider trying to swing from one rock to the next and it finally did it. And he goes, oh, if that spider could do it, I could do it. And he went out a cave and he saw a spider trying to swing from one rock to the next and it finally did it and he goes oh if that spider could do it

I could do it and he went out and killed people didn't need to go and see a spider I'm inspired by spiders is that true that's not true

I mean I don't know I don't know I don't know I'd prefer the story if he got bitten by the spider and became Spider-Man the Bruce

Spider-Man the Bruce Spider-Man the Bruce drinks I am brewing put you in a truce oh god no okay here comes the Spider-Man the Bruce, Spider-Man the Bruce. Drinks I am brewing, put you in a truce. Oh, God. No, the words are good. Okay. Good, good, good.

Here comes the Spider-Bruce. Say Joby. Joby. Massive Joby. I am Joby. Right. Spider-Bruce. Spider-Bruce.

You've gone on a total tangent. Now, tell me about Fiona Bruce. I was just trying to explain to everyone she's a TV presenter. In the UK. And newsreader. Was she a newsreader? I think so. She's on the more serious side usually of stuff. But it allows

her to do things like Antiques Roadshow. Yes. She brings a level of gravitas but yet friendly and approachable. Yes. So she was talking about her favourite memories of the show. Presenting the Antiques Roadshow. And shall we explain for the listeners what the Antiques Roadshow is? I mean we can but I mean it's a very

popular format. And it's also they've got it in the States as well. They've got it in the States and Australia Antiques Roadshow is? I mean, we can, but it's a very popular format. And it's also, they've got it in the States as well. They've got the States and Australia as well, don't they? Yeah, yeah. It's very big still, that show. People bring in their antiques to be valued, basically. That's it. And it's filmed.

This means a lot to me, this antique vase. But they go, how much is it? And they go, 10 grand. I'm going to sell it. I could never give it away. It means so much to me. This is worth 2.5 million. Oh, I could never give it away it means so much to me this is worth 2.5 million I would never give it away

fuck Nan fuck that bitch I'm cashing in I'm cashing well we're going to Bombay Dolls la la la la la hey

we're going to I want to have sex on the beach Nan Nan Nan how's that going whacking over Nan's ashes so she was talking about her fever Whacking over Nan's ashes. So, she was talking about her fever. I've glued Nan's ashes together, makeshift-wise.

What does that mean? You've spoffed? Yeah. You've spoffed in her ashes? I've glued up. I've rolled the spoff into some kind of plasticine weight. It's for ease of transport. So, you've thickened her ashes.

I've thickened her ashes. With some of your splashes. It's a big glob of ash and spoff. Yeah, great. What a great image. What about Fiona Bruce? A voodoo doll, Nandol,

made of spunky ash. Right. Oh, mate. Not Nando's. A chicken shop. Nandol's. What's your view on Nando's, Paul? I don't really have one.

Have you not enjoyed eating there? I have, but I don't care to go. It's very popular still. I don't want to talk about Nando's. I just I don't really have one. Have you not enjoyed eating there in the past? I have, but I don't care to go. Very popular still. I don't want to talk about Nando's. I just thought I'd ask you. What's your opinion then? We're having a free-ranging conversation. What's your opinion on Nando's?

It's quite nice sometimes. Right, so Fiona Bruce was talking about... How hot do you have it at Nando's? Quite hot. I'll go with extra hot. All right. Super hot, mate. Great.

It's not that hot. Do you know what, though? I was having a noodle the other day. Really? Yes. What an extraordinary discovery. have extra hot all right a super hot mate great it's not that hot do you know what though i was having a noodle the other day yes what an extraordinary discovery but it was i was having it out in a restaurant you had your cock out in a noodle restaurant oh you had your noodle out in a i did eat cock as well though for christmas we had a cockerel yeah yeah much nicer what did you have you didn't even have any bird at all, did you? Did you cook a bird?

I didn't have a Christmas dinner this year. You mean you must have eaten dinner on Christmas. I had a pizza. Wow. Wow. I woke up at three. A pizza in Harrow. It was a nice pizza.

I got a posh one. Oh, yeah. And I put some bits and bobs on it. Oh, yeah. You pimped your pizza up, did you? I had a nice pizza and some garlic bread and whatnot. Garlic bread. But, you know, I was on my own at Christmas,

and I was chilling. I just thought I'd mention that I ate a cockerel for Christmas dinner. It was a capon, which is a cockerel. Eli Silverman admits he's a cock muncher. Yes, I munched down hard on a cock. Did you gobble that cock down nice? I gobbled, I had two portions.

Yeah, you had two big portions of cock, did you? Let's just get all these cock gags out of the way now. Did you have trouble sw just get all these cock gags out of the way now. Did you have trouble swallowing all that cock? No, because I could fit it all in anyway. Yeah, you could fit two cocks in your mouth. Mate, I can't believe how far from Fiona Bruce we've become. You'll keep taking it away, though. Now I'm interested in how many cocks you get in your mouth.

I just ate some chicken, which was a male chicken. That's the joke. Yeah, well, you brought it up. And now all I can think of is you juggling cocks in your mouth. Right, so Fiona Bruce. Fiona Bruce. I like this pin.

I'm going to put this on my trousers. No. On my... Please let me tell this Fiona Bruce story. I'm here for you, Paul. It's not that great. I'm here for you, Paul. Well, why have you bigged it up so much?

Because I thought you'd like it. Well, fucking say. So far, you've gone Fiona Bruce. Yeah, and you've brought in Nando's and cock gobbling since then. So let me please get the story out, then we can move on, right? Here we go. We're just wasting time with all this preamble. Here we go.

You don't have to say her name again. Just go she. Go straight to she. She was talking about her favourite memories from hosting antiques roadshow and she remembers one about this guy who brought a tankard in or some kind of bottle and uh was it pewter like a metal piece i don't i because i don't know the story details completely all i can tell you is it was some kind of vase or tankard or bottle or jar and the expert went oh i reckon this is this and it had ported so this must be like 150 year old port and he opened it up a little bit he drank a bit he went oh oh yeah it's either it's

either port or or and then they basically discovered it was rust piss and a human hair so we drank piss on Antiques Roadshow. Rusty piss. They said, that's urine. They did a chemical analysis. That's urine. He was like,

oh, it's definitely an earthy port, I think. Wow. Yeah. But it was a port bottle. Yeah.

But it was full of piss, rust, and the human hair. I wouldn't be drinking antique bottles. No. I mean, I'd do some background tests.

Also, do you think it was like some guy in 1860 who was like, I need a piss. I can't get out of the wine cellar. There's an empty

bottle of pork. And he fills it up and he puts the lid on and then he goes, well, I've got to make it look like. So he melts some wax over the top of it. Yeah.

And he goes, no, it's going to fucking never end. I wonder. Fucking 100 years later, I'll be fucking well out of here. Yeah. So.

Then 100 years later, some posh antiques dealer guzzles piss on BBC One Sunday. I wonder if it was actually worth anything. What, the piss? Well, the piss-bottle combo. It might not have been worth much, which is probably why he tried to taste the bottle. Right, yeah. You know what I mean? He wouldn't waste it.

If it wasn't really valuable, he wouldn't just break it open. Yeah, I don't know. He must have asked the guy's permission. May I? May I drink your piss? It's not worth a lot, but may I? May I guzzle it? Oh, that's definitely a pube.

Pube, yes, yes, yes. That's a vintage pube. Now, I've seen from the consistency of this pube, it's a... I used to hang around by the limehouse area of London, I do believe. You can tell by the salty deposits. Oh, come on.

What do you mean, come on? Come on. Right, next episode. You're going to put your badge on your trousers then, are you? Is that what you're going to say? I'm going to put it on my jacket. All right. Well, I'm going to skim through these.

I'm not going through 50 episodes one by one. Yeah, got one? Well, I'm just looking through it. So we did 221B Baker Street, which I enjoyed editing that episode. That's the one where Ashen reads the story and clues that, and then you were Mariotti. Is it? Mariotti!

Yes, because you just gave up. Mexican Mariotti. Yeah, very tastefully done. But is that the one where I... Although you're just admitting now that it's a Mexican character, when at the time you said it definitely wasn't. And how dare you accuse me of you accusing you of being racist. And now a year later, you've just come out and said that it was definitely a horrible...

He was influenced by Mexicans. Yeah, was it like horrible stereotypical idea stop no don't stop it's coming out

right we did Baker Street I like that episode I like that episode but that's not the game that's a different we played a different police game

where you're chasing and then I did that stupid move where I went straight into your path but that was a different game wasn't it that was Scotland Yard

ah thank you so Scotland yeah yeah but that was later different game, wasn't it? That was Scotland Yard. Ah, thank you. So Scotland, yeah. Yeah, but that was later, I think, we did that. I was pretty crap at 2B, 2B, 2B, 2B. Yeah, because you had this horrible thing where when you know you're going to lose something, you just give up and you become obtuse and difficult and you start throwing your toys out the pram.

It's all shit anyway. You're fucking cheating from the start. How are you not there? Fucking hell. But then when you win, by the night, the narrowest of mornings, you're like, I the start oh you're not there fucking hell but then when you win by the like the narrows of morning you're like

I fucking aced that oh it's a good game now because I fucking great me stop Paul just stop oh I'm shat please please stop

I have not shat that is not something I say it is I went out on a t-shirt Eli Silverman a big face on Eli Silverman a big speech bubble coming out saying I shat t-shirt. Eli Silverman, a big face on Eli Silverman, a big speech bubble coming out saying, I shat my pants, Eli Silverman.

Paul, don't. I'm going to put this pin badge on my denim. This is a very important moment, ladies and gentlemen. Where do you think I should put it? Next to the Betty Boo? I think below the Cheap Show badge. Next to Venus Likes Beans? No, I think below the Cheap Show badge.

There? About there, yeah. So you can give it chopsticks to dangle. Give the chopsticks to dangle? Yeah. All right. So you can put it on the inside of the pocket, can't you? I'll put it there.

Yeah? You sure on the flap? I'm going to put it on the flap. Yeah? Yeah. All right. Well, he's attaching his noodle to the flap and letting his chopsticks dangle. There you go.

Thanks for that. With dangly chopsticks. Little dangly chopstick. It's nice, isn't it? I've got a little bottle of bourbon there as well. Yeah, a little bottle. We've got nice pin badges, don't we? We did.

All right, so the next two episodes, Winky and the Winky Wedding, when you found that Winky song. And the Winky was a big hit on Cheap Show Law. Winky caught the imagination, didn't it? So I'll say this. Let's have a little Winky update now, Paul. I was going to say, I'm still finding the time to speak to the lady who got in touch with the podcast about her experiences.

And she was the woman who married the guy who was on top of the thing. Yes. So she won't be able to shed light on Winky's creators or where Winky came from. No, but I'd like to know what she does know about it all. Because here's the thing I've discovered. When I've been trying to do research into it, because I'd like to make a proper little documentary

whether it's a cheap show special or not, I don't know, but the idea of looking into who made it, trying to find out the patterns and things like that. Yeah. Why there's a French song? I don't understand that.

Have we looked at the Canadian link? That it could have been a French-Canadian show? The problem is, unless we find someone who was involved with the project... No, it's French. It was released in France, wasn't it? By a French popular

electronic experimental thing, I don't know what it is It was that guy who went on to make that thing with the cat smoking a joint Yeah, that one, who had one watch and it was us, in 14 years of being on YouTube, which is madness I want to find all that kind of information out.

If you're listening and you think you can help in any respect, because Extronics, the company that built the toys, well, it's weird. They apparently still own billboards, specifically in New York, I think Times Square. But their website looks like one of those holding websites. A friend of mine told me about how sometimes when businesses close, other businesses will buy those websites and keep the domain going. So they can use them as a way to source the prices of competitors.

So if you're Bobby's Eggs, right? Right. And you want to undercut whatever. Johnny's Eggs. And then one day, Johnny's Eggs company closes. Oh, that's good. You can buy the website. Oh, well, buy their website.

And then pretend to be them. Hey, look how high the prices are on Johnny's eggs. Yeah, something like that. Look at that. Listen, I'm Bobby's eggs. I'm owning Johnny's eggs. And I'm pumping up the price. How much eggs are on Johnny's eggs now?

I'm going to tell you, we've got a back room full of their tea stained. Oh, tea stained eggs. I don't know how they did it, though. They don't tell me how they did it. I did it. I'll tell you how I did it right now. Yeah. I ate a lot of tea.

Yeah. And then I shat. All over the eggs. Yeah. Yeah. I ate a lot of tea. Yeah. And then I shat. All over the eggs. Yeah. Yeah. Spritzy spritz. Spritzy spritz. Spritzy spritz.

So. You're right. So that, but it's surely that's illegal. You can't pretend to be your competitor. It is. That's what I'm saying. It is.

You shouldn't do it. It is done. It's done. But that's what I'm saying. The website looks like one of those, the company doesn't exist anymore, but here's the website. Some's what I'm saying the website looks like one of those the company doesn't exist anymore but here's the

website some other company is trying to make it look like they're pricey because all you can do when you go to the website is do a

contact thing to leave a message and I left the message saying I'm interested in talking to someone but about Winky did you put Winky in no I just talked

about it imagine you've written Winky in and it gone some underground bunker they've mentioned the word and then SAS

smashed through my window and put a bag over my head and put me into a van. I haven't seen it again. Yeah. So, if you think you can help in finding out the pattern and who designed it,

because it's a thing. Someone sat down and designed that badge. And the central mystery for us is why the song was made in France. Yeah. He must have been approached by someone from Extronics saying, look, make a song.

Before we're going to release it in Europe. But again, why? Why France specifically for a release of that song? Why not make an English language one? Maybe they wrote the song and it was going to be for a winky advertising campaign. But then it was pulled and they said, well, we've got this perfectly good song. Can we still put the song out? Maybe.

Do you see what I mean? Yeah, maybe. There's lots of possibilities, but it is fascinating. We'd have to look into when the release of that song was and then when the release of the toy was. Yeah. And when that promotion was. Which thing was that promotion was 80?

I'm fascinated by it. 84 to 85. I'm fascinated. And it'd be good if we could uncover something else. Well, hopefully we'll speak to this lady and we'll find out more directly. If we could find other things like Winky, other weird forgotten things that weren't even a toy.

I mean, the thing is, Winky was a complete rabbit hole of a discussion. Yes. A complete discovery in itself. To find another one of those once is enough. Yeah, but it makes me wonder what else could be out there. Are there other things, other weird properties that everyone's forgotten? Some toy. That weren't even a thing quite yeah

it wasn't even it wasn't even quite a thing was it it was it was almost a thing but it never was a real thing no because you don't hear about it in pop culture like a rubik's cube no but i mean it's shitter but this is why i think like like when nintendo first released the nes in 86 i can't remember when it was now they've just released it in New York first. Just in New York. And Japan? Well, no. It was a big hit in Japan.

Already? But because of the crash in the... Nintendo America you're talking about. The NES released, well, in Japan it's called the Famicom.

However, because of the crash in America, they were reluctant to call it a video games console. Okay, this is just after the big crash, the Atari big crash. Yeah, right.

So Nintendo were like, we want to make this console a big hit in America. How do we do it? So it's got a very long story short. They just sold it console so okay this is just after the big crash the atari big crash yeah right so nintendo like we want to make this console a big hit in america how do we do it so it's got a very long story short they just sold it in new york and then they testing grounds yeah and they had the rob robot and everything like that and tried to pretend it wasn't a games console but it was super mario brothers no it wasn't with the initial release the initial release was like that robbed the robot in some game and then Duck Hunt and something else. Mario came a few months later. Got to be careful on Duck Hunt not to get too trigger happy. Yes.

I'm very aware. So when it was discussed then they moved to LA and then it was nationwide. So maybe the winky thing was like they just sold it in one state to test it out. Could be. Or one city or just in LA. Well that's what I mean about the song.

Maybe they were going to advertise it. They made a song, and then they said, well, let's just release the song anyway. Weird, though. Yeah, very weird. That they didn't do an English language on first. Yeah. Well, we did an English language one. We did, impeccably so.

So there's that. And there's also the point of the wedding. I want to know more about that. The winky wedding. Yeah. I want to know more about that. A winky wedding. Yeah, I want to know all about the nightclub that they had it in. I want to know what love is. Now, I won't say this before I go any further, before I forget. When I was in LA last June, I did film some bits where I walked.

To the actual sign. The sign is still there. Yeah, the space is still there. The sign's different now because they put a new one up. Of course. The space is there. The billboard space is still there. Well sign's different now because they put a new one up. Of course. The space is there. The billboard space is still there. Well, there's still a billboard there. It's like the space is occupied by a billboard still, right?

Yes. Okay. But not the billboard. Not the original billboard. No. No, it wouldn't be because it would be fucking winky. That'd be weird if it still said winky. No, I mean the structure of the billboard itself is different.

The actual structure's changed is what you're saying. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Yes. The whole billboard has been replaced. Just try and be a bit more fucking, you know. I thought it was pretty implicit. The fuck?

Pretty implicit. Pretty implicit. Pretty implicit. How about I'm pretty implicit? I'm pretty implicit. Shut up. Now, Paul. So, I made a little video of me finding the space,

and I've also got audio still of me doing the walk to discover it, that I think I'll fold into an episode when we go back to the interview. So I think we're going to do... It's a technical term. You'll fold it in. I'm going to fold that old audio into the episode we do in the future when I do the interview. And then with your thumb, stick it in with your thumb. Yeah, I'm going to wrap it around a lollipop stick and thumb it up the slot.

Okay, good. Right? Now, let's... Winky, very good. Very interesting. And still lots of mysteries to be uncovered. Yeah, I'd like to do... We're going to do one more episode about Winky, very good. Very interesting. And still lots of mysteries to be uncovered. Yeah, I'd like to do... We're going to do one more episode about Winky,

and we're going to do as much as we can. Try and tie up the loose ends there. But I think we should mention the other platter from that famous episode, which was the Victory Cafe guy. Yeah. Which was very strange. Space...

What's it called? Space Sounds or something? Because we looked at it in the Winky episode, didn't we? But Winky took all the fucking attention. Winky took all the attention, but in any other normal episode, this other one would have stood out as well. It would have, actually.

That's weird. On any other day, it would have been a mystery all by itself. But in that case, it seems like the guy became an activist and kind of disabled rights. He was in a wheelchair himself yeah he has passed on unfortunately that guy yeah all that stuff about the letters that he sends out on victory

cafe still just the completeness of that copy that i've found that has all the all the material the letters he handwritten hand-typed letters that he sent out to try and promote the record and and it was played on little notes it's nice isn't it that it's that complete the actual copy i have and it did it was played on the john peel show yes's nice, isn't it, that it's that complete, the actual copy I have. And it was played on the John Peel show. Yes. So there might be audio out there of John Peel talking about it. And then we both went to see the Victory Calf, where he mentions Kim's eggs or whatever, doesn't he? Space Boogie was the name of the track.

Space Boogie. Thank you. There you go. That's right. And it's closed down. It's weird. It's a lonely sort of spot next to E on next to houston station isn't it yeah because we had a little peek through but no and i bet if you went there now even it was like there'd

be no connection to that era no because it feels like maybe he lived above the calf when was it like early early 80s 81 or something yeah he must have lived above the calf and used that as his base of operations you know what i mean it's it was a nice little um you get the impression it was like a really dirty bed sit and in one corner there was just enough soundproofing to record stuff. Yeah. It's a nice little time capsule of a different London when London was funkier. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Not funkier. You know what I mean? No, I know what I mean, though. Yeah. So later this year, we did the Spoth Pop. We did Tat Hunt. So we did the East Finchley Hunt. And then the...

Oh, God, that guy's breath, man. It was literally like someone had taken a big old shit in his mouth. Yeah. But not like a insubstantial, just sort of slips out easy one. One of those big, chestnut brown, rich and hearty. The one that comes out like clockwork cogs. Yeah. Just comes out with teeth.

Big old meaty steamer. A big old knuckly bastard. Fucking turd. In his mouth. Yeah. That was big old knuckly bastard on a fucking turd. In his mouth. Yeah. That was terrible. But I don't know if it was him. I don't know.

It might have been the back sewers because when you went around the back you could smell the stink of it. God. Bone Hoover. That was the second story. Was it the second story of Derek? Now, when was the first story? Was it the year before?

It would have been. It would have been 2018, was it? Yeah, just before Christmas. Okay. So the Brookside Tiger. Bonehoover, really, when the trilogy came into its own. It's the Empire Strikes Back of the Derek story, isn't it? No, this is the problem.

It's not. It's more like the Godfather Part 2. It's like, it's good but in a different way. Whereas the Brookside Tiger was the... Yeah, it's the classic. it opened our eyes and I don't think it's really hit that like the Christmas one

that we do with Ashen's Irish Jimmy Irish Jimmy wasn't quite the same well now Paul the news about the Derek trilogy it's turning into

a quadrology is that right or a partial quadrology I don't know partial quadrology I'm getting a PO box delivery apparently with all the cassettes in all the cassettes and some notes.

There could be others. Well, I don't know until I open the box. I think there's only one more story, though. Okay. And I believe it's a UFO-y one. And you said it's cut off halfway through or something. Yeah, he says he knows the ending and he wrote it down. Oh, that's good.

But we could have a thing where we try and guess the ending. The only problem is, is like the last episode, the audio quality is pretty fucking awful because it's still as bad as that is it bad well it's micro tape to tape to that's a shame because it really pisses people off and i do my best i know but i would have thought there's some enjoyment to be had with us reacting to it do you know what i mean there's enough there we've got enough out of it it depends on the pacing yeah if the story's moving slowly like I have to trim a lot of those gaps out yeah

so we listen to it in much longer time than the audience do when they listen to it back oh yeah fine and I try and crisping it up and sharpen the sound

and noise reduction but I mean on the first two on the Bookside Tiger and the Bone Hoover it was alright quality the quality was yeah but then on that third one it was bad

so hopefully the next one won't be too bad because that is frustrating to edit and listen to yeah it's a shame because uh derrick uh yeah yeah so then we had a few whole thing with the hoover being full of uh shredded knickers was yeah the knickers specifically the red silky knickers yeah they got ripped off the bone hoover knickers off but then wasn't that all a dream in the end? No. No, I thought it was all a dream in the end, but we couldn't figure out where the dream started, because his story

starts in like 1940s Egypt or something. Yeah, after the war. And we thought it had a genie in, but no, it's just this... It has the bones of Tutankhamun in. So a hoover that was invented in like... No, but it had a plaque. I don't remember. It had a plaque on it that says, Oh ye,

this is the old hoover of Tutankhamun. But I'm wondering. And it had a donkey in it, didn't it? Donkey skeleton. Yeah. And a rug.

And it is as clean as knickers. Yeah. That were violently ripped off. It was like, oh, my wife had died two years ago. I'm in the TV

and then she's out there with her knickers violently ripped off. He was like, oh, my wife had died two years ago. I'm in the TV and then she's out there with her knickers getting ripped off or shredded. Oh, my bone uber wants to fucking rip her knickers off. Oh. It's a very weird story.

Very weird. I get the impression that he's making a reference to something he saw in a, maybe a bazaar, you know, a Cairo bazaar.

You don't know where the truth starts and where the lie starts. And it looked like a hoover but it wasn't really a Cairo bazaar. You don't know where the truth starts and where the lie starts. And it looked like a hoover but it wasn't really a hoover. It might have been some kind of, you know,

like air pump for a fire kind of thing. It could have been anything. But no, it seemed to, he was quite descriptive, quite clear about what kind of, it was like one of those

non-electric hoover things. Yes, carpet cleaner. In my head, visually, I see those 70s hoovers, you know, with like the big bag on the stick

and the big headlamp on the front I think it's like that isn't it but it just it doesn't it sort of wind up

the suction is from wind up rather than from any electrical yeah it's strange but compared to Irish Jimmy which is about

a sad kid in a car that goes back and forth to school and then dies at Christmas but there's again there's this sort of barely slightly supernatural element to it and then dies at Christmas. But there's, again, there's a sort of barely...

Slightly supernatural element to it. And also there's the barely hidden horniness of Derek because he's definitely, he's doing a sort of... And his poor widow mother. Yeah, he's doing... That would definitely fuck

with all my fingers. He's doing a knight in shining armour sort of thing, isn't he? Like, I'll look after your kid if I can get inside your kegs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it did have the classic moment where he goes, and it was at that moment that I realised Jimmy was Irish.

You just think, right? Yeah. That's the big reveal, isn't it? Doesn't really have any real holding on the story. Any bearing. No. As if to say, would you believe it? He was Irish.

Yeah, he's called Jimmy. I mean, come on. So anyway, and then we did episode 46, episode 123, The Dark Tower, which is the episode with me and Biffo. Oh, that I wasn't in. Yeah, because you were doing a Stuart movie. Aha. You were doing the Polybius Heist.

So because we would have been down an episode a week, I thought- You took executive control. Yeah, and Biffo was up for it.. I thought... You took executive control. Yeah. And Biffo was up for it. And I thought, let's make it a bit more interesting. And rather than say, oh, it's Biffo sitting in for Eli, I thought, let's have a bit of a laugh where it's a parallel universe kind of thing. Yeah.

But it was nice to have Hadron Gospel guys back on the show again. Remember the Hadron Gospel Hour podcast? I certainly do. They did a little intro and outro for us. What else have we got? The Cheap Show Awards! Oh, that was a big one! Rhiannon put it all together. I believe she's planning on one for this year.

But luckily she only has like 50 episodes to go through this time and not 100 odd. I just, the quality since then has just gone downhill hugely. I don't know about the quality going up and down, but it has flavours. It has seasons of flavours. That's all I can describe.

Yeah, like a tea stained egg. Yeah. There's like a bunch of episodes that all have a flavour because we recorded them at like Sam FM. Yes. And then there's like

all those episodes that have a flavour because we recorded them in my flat at Cambridge. And then there's all those episodes that have when we started doing them in here. So they have tones and seasons and flavours.

Yeah. So I don't know. I totally understand when people say, oh, it's lost its way and all this stuff. But at the same time, I go, maybe listen to episode like 72. And then see how we lost our fucking way. And then it's like, we're probably, I don't know.

It's just because some episodes are more inspirational to us than others yes so the awards episode yeah we had a lot of fun doing that it was fantastic if we do that again this year i i do have an idea of how we can do it we need to sort out the segmentations i mean she did a fantastic job but then there was a way we need far fewer more distinctions here we go let's get this now. Let's fucking hammer this out right now. Right. Who's got segment one? Best episode.

Best episode. Of the last year. Right? Best character? I reckon. Best line. Best moment. Best cheap show

moment. So it could be a whole game. It could be a scene. It could be my favourite moment actually one of my favorite moments weirdly i don't even know it was in the last year was when we did that no lebanon's game do you remember it was like you gotta come into this room with me and do what i say for 500 pound oh yeah just suck it just suck no cock and then no it's been very quiet hasn't

he there hasn't been any no there's this whole season of Noel stories that's what I mean what's happened to Noel he just went on he went on Celebrity I'm a Celebrity get me out of here

and pocketed a couple of hundred thousand quid and what's happened since then he's done nothing he gives a fuck he doesn't give a fuck he's probably trying to

right now ride off that success somewhat and pitch some TV shows yeah I've got one called Noel's accident hotline that's good I like this where I sit by a phone access someone, pitch some TV shows. I've got one called Noel's Accident Hotline.

That's good. I like this. I sit by a phone and when you have an accident you call me and I get it done. And you go, sounds bad. Yeah, it's like, what's that? Your gran's come off her chair and she's bleeding from her arm. I've got a little black box of a light in. Give her that

and it'll make her feel better. There we go. What's that? You've dropped a tenner down the... Just wish, imagine you've got £100. Just imagine harder, you're richer. I did and I'm rich. Yeah. Or blame Lloyd's Bank.

Yeah. Or it's like you lost a tenner down the bridge. It's Lloyd's. It's all Lloyd's fault. Cants. Cants. So there you go. So, best episode, best moment, best new character,

or best character. Best character. Right, that's three. That's three. I think Gynora's in with a chance now. He's out there. He's got his grubs.

Gynora's grubs. No characters featured in this episode are allowed in the awards. Come on, Roger Gynora and his handful of grubs. No.

It's got to ring to it, admit it. No. I'm trying, Roger. Thank you. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic that you're standing by this.

I'm not a grubber. Why are you putting your hand over his face? No, I'm not. You are. I'm just trying to perform, Paul. For God's sake. Right, come on,

we've got to focus. I've got a chutney curtain. Here we go. Three, two, one. I've got a chutney curtain. Here we go. Three, two, one. Eli, start singing about chutney curtains. I've got a chutney curtain. It's swinging in the wind. I waft my chutney curtain round your flaps, you dirty mean.

I eat chutney curtain when I wake up. And I have a little egg, which I eat in a egg when I wake up and I have a little egg which I eat in a egg cup. Right, good. Shut up now. Best episode. Best moment. Best character.

How about best piece of tat? You know, something that people go, Best object. Best object of tat. Maybe it's the wow. Maybe it's the... The ramen pin you just gave me. Yeah, or the pinball machine.

You know, what is the best discovery cheap sales had? That's four. Five. What about... That's it. That's all we need. Best guest moment. Yeah.

Or best guest. Best guest. Best guest. Including guest moment. Best guest or guest moment. Best guest incorporating best guest moment. Best guest. Yes. That's five. We guest incorporating best guest moment. Yes.

That's five. We need one more. That's enough. How about... Silverman's Memorial Chuffney Plate. The Steve A. Silverman Memorial Chuffney Award for Excellence. Oh, no. There should be best food.

Oh, yeah. We're going to need a food one. Yeah. So, what? Just best... Then we've covered everything. Food. So, it could be a snack.

It could be a noodle. It could be a... It could be be a noodle, it could be a... It could be a legal snack, snack. It could be the wine abyss. Yes. No, that didn't happen the last year, did it? Yeah, it did. I was one of the next episodes.

Green, green wine. I can't believe you drank the whole bottle of that. Oh, it was not nice. It was really disgusting. Yeah. What else? We did, yeah, the green, green wine was the next episode. Oh, random crapto. We haven't done one of those episodes. We should do another one of those. What's a wine was the next episode. Oh, random crapto.

We haven't done one of those episodes. We should do another one of those. What's a random crapto? Where we just have random stuff and we spin a wheel and then whatever it lands on has a colour and colour means the item. So it was like... And we just discussed a bunch of tat, didn't we?

Yeah, randomly out of context. All were based on the spin of a wheel. Random crapto. That's a good thing, yeah. Crab bucket. Oh, yeah. I've noticed your crab bucket in your bathroom is soiled. I would like to know what it's been used for.

Because it looks like it's been used to kind of hold a tiny amount of marmalade. I don't know what happened to it. Yeah, that's what I had. That's marmalade. Yeah. Ask marmalade. No, I have not. Listen.

Listen. There are some things, yeah. Ask Marmalade. Paul, there are some lines, even I... Anus jam. No. Oh, God. There are some things that what?

You won't shit in the crab bucket. I won't shit in the crab bucket. Now, if we do... Now I've put the thought in your head and you're still alone here for a few more days, you might crap in it just purely scientifically.

Just to see what it's like. Because then it's see-through. You could lift it up and look at the turd from underneath and view you've never had before in your life. Think of the opportunities. No, but wouldn't it just be like

looking at it from above? You don't know. Of course it would. What dark side of the turd is the side of the turd you never see? When you look at the top, you see the curve at the camber. But underneath, it's got a bit flattened,

hasn't it? Well, I can imagine that. I don't need to see it. So you get to see a flattened... I can imagine a flattened bottom of a turd. And you don't know what's pressed against it. It could be a nut. It could be a seed. It could be a seed. It could be sweet corn. Sweet corn kernel.

Imagine having the opportunity, Eli, to look at your shit from various angles in a crab bucket. Live the dream. Now, on the crab bucket, in all seriousness, Paul,

have you spilted it? No. No, it's fine. I'll give it... If we do another live show, I'll be getting the crab bucket out. I hope it's clean between now and then's fine. I'll give it... If we do another live show, I'll be getting the crab bucket out. I hope it's clean between now and then. Of course, I'll give it a scrub.

I'll scrub the crab bucket down, give it a good scrub. Scrub, scrub, scrub. So what's... I'll get fucking... I'll put some skiddies in it. The creatures. And they'll go to work eating the remnants.

It's what the scribbles eat, are skiddies. Oh, yeah. I'll put it out here. I'll put some little store-bought skiddies. Because, of the scribbles eat, are skiddies. Oh, yeah. I put it out here, I put some little store-bought skiddies because, of course, I wouldn't make skiddies. Tea-stained eggs.

I can just see your brain working. This episode is going to be called The Tea-Stained Egg. It might be now, yeah. Yeah, scribbles come out. Scribble, scribble, scribble. And they clean it. Like when you put your feet

in those fish tanks. Exactly like that yeah and then it'll be ready for the live show and i'll bring the crab bucket out people can put deposit things in the crab bucket like you have been doing currently well that's a that's hearsay and uh conjecture it's not no you're a dirty boy right what else do we do we did oh we did the crystal game maze board game with our guest, Ken Reid. We had Suze Kempner this year as a guest.

We also had Stu as a guest on Irish Jimmy. Yeah, it was nice to have him in a studio as opposed to a live show. It's nice to have him

in a more measured environment. We like having guests, don't we, Paul? Biffo, Ash, is that all we've had guest-wise? We are planning to have more guests next year.

Really? We are arranging that. And they will be carefully chosen. They're not just going to be anyone. They're going to be people we've spoken to or people that we're

keen to have on. Yeah. I get it. The office day trip to Brighton. Oh, that was fun, wasn't it? That was fun. You pissed me off considerably in my day was off.

I had to piss every five fucking minutes. You really did have a bladder of black, didn't you? Seriously. I've never had to piss every five fucking minutes. You really did have a bladder blast, didn't you? I've never had to piss that much in one day. You drank too much liquid.

I did. But it was in so much pain and then the nuns on the train at the end. Oh, those nuns freaked me out. It was weird because they walked

all the way down to sit right next to us. They wanted us to convert or even fuck them. Yeah, that was right. Oh, mate, it's very getting hot in here I'm going to turn the heating off okay

oh okay well that's perfect time for a little break then right yeah good cup of tea lovely mmm oh nice and hot too Right. Yeah. Good cup of tea. Lovely.

Oh, nice and hot too. You like it hot, don't you? I like it hot with my hot, hot butt. Oh, girl, with your hot, hot butt. It's funny how that song hasn't developed at all. It doesn't even have a verse, does it? No, I think you're just making a fool of yourself. Hey, look, the scat man can go... But the scat man's dead.

He's dead, though. Is he? And that sounds better than Girl with the Hot Hot Bud. Wait. Oh, girl! Girl with your hot... Girl, girl. Girl, girl. Yeah, girl. You've lost it, mate.

You have lost it. Boom, boom, shake the room. No, not boom, boom, shake the room. You definitely can't use that. I can fucking do whatever I want it's called homage I've got to write homage on

right Ken Homage what else do we do oh no oh no I am Ken Homage he's Scottish is he yeah I'm skin homage

homage homage no I can't do another Scottish accent this week in fact no more characters sorry

what else no you know there's a little two word segment we haven't brought up it's been the runaway success

in many ways of this whole year on Cheap Show what you know what I'm talking about I don't yes you do

no because when I say what it's because I don't know and even if I did know maybe I'm saying about. I don't. Yes, you do. No, because when I say what, it's because I don't know. And even if I did know, maybe I'm saying what to ask you to... A little two-word segment. Froth off? It's not been a froth off. Oh, I don't know.

What else is there? The source report, Paul. Oh, fuck off with the source report. What do you... You, no, no, no. The source report has been one of the biggest mistakes of this podcast. No, it hasn't. It has.

It was ill-conceived, pushed awkwardly into the format. Why did you ask the people then? Because I believe that everyone should have a vote and a voice. Oh, my God. Yeah, so the Office Day trip to Brighton, we are going to plan another Office Day trip out. Oh, right. But it's going to go big style-y.

Oh, yeah. I think we've talked about it before, but we might try. Sorry. Can we go to another shopping centre? Well, no, I was thinking we go to Amsterdam. Yay! Do an Amsterdam episode. A little holiday away.

Yeah. You know, like when sitcoms go to become films. Yeah, and then they go. And then they go on holiday. Yeah. This will be our holiday episode. Oh, great. Yeah.

That would be great. Yeah. Do it the cheapest way possible. Realistically. Which is a ferry, I think. Yeah, we'll do the ferry. It'll, great. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. Do it the cheapest way possible. Realistically. Which is a ferry, I think. Yeah, we'll do the ferry. We'll be on the sea. That'd be fun, won't it?

Might get sick. Do you get seasick? No. No, I don't either. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've been sort of a bit queasy, but not...

Apparently, when you get proper seasick, it's like the worst. The worst nausea that's possible. I once had a partner who was very, very seasick once. They go green, don't they? Yeah, literally, yeah. It was very unpleasant to watch all the colour drain out. Yeah, wow. And then all the vomiting.

Just endless vomiting, yeah. How we laughed. But have you never been on a ferry or a boat and thought, oh, felt a bit sort of dizzy? No, not really. When there's been a really rough crossing, it's not nice bit sort of dizzy. No, not really. When there's been like a really rough crossing, it's not nice.

I hope there's not a rough crossing. You know that feeling when the floor disappears from under you. You go, oh. Oh, I hate that. That's not nice. But I've never been like

nauseous and dizzy. What if it's really stormy when we go across Amsterdam? I'll look after you. I'll look after you, mate. We'll cuddle on the couch. No cuddling. And I'll sing a song

and I'll stroke your hair. Will there be a nasty cheap arcade in the ferry might be yeah there might be that sells shitty kind of off license

stuff yeah like massive packs of cigarettes yeah that was the old days you wouldn't get that now no

I don't know probably not I've never bought things at duty free never in my life I've got a bottle of champagne once

yeah my mum likes to buy big bottles of booze when she does big old bottle of boo've got a bottle of champagne once yeah my mum likes to buy big bottles of booze when she does big old bottle of booze big old bottle of booze like that big Jack Daniels she got me

Jack Daniels with a built in handle or is it on an actual stand it's on his pivot it's meant to come with a big kind of swinging you're swinging pivot pivot to help you lift it

but I didn't get that I just got this big unwieldy bottle with like two litres three men to lift and pour into a shot glass is it gone now no I've still got it to help you lift it but I didn't get that. I just got this big unwieldy bottle. Well, like two litres. Three men to lift and pour into a shot glass. Is it gone now? No, I've still got

at least a quarter of it left. We'll see how it goes tonight. I was given a bottle of bourbon. Oh, for your Christmas thanks. Everyone gets a bottle of bourbon at the Blues Kitchen. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah.

What was your favourite Tales from the Dance Floor this year? Was it the story where that person came up to you and asked for something and you said, fuck off? Which one was that? Or was it the story where someone came up to you, asked you for something and you told them to fuck off? Those two I'm not so clear on. Yeah.

But there was one time, though, Paul, when someone came up to me and asked me for something and then I told them to fuck off. Yeah. That was my favourite. Yeah. I know it doesn't count for this year. My favourite story is still the man with the bald head who wanted to come into your box. Yeah. Yeah. And fiddle through your 12 inches. No, he wanted me to take photos of favourite. Yeah. I know it doesn't count for this year. My favourite story is still the man with the bald head who wanted to come into your box. Yeah. Yeah.

And fiddle through your 12 inches. No, he wanted me to take photos of him. Yeah. Riffling my eight sevens. In a business card that said man, basically, didn't it? I'm a man and I do jobs. He did weddings and stuff. Wedding promotions.

But it was a really terrible business card on thick transparent plastic. Yeah. I still like it. He was literally like, take a photo on my phone of me looking through your records like I'm a real DJ or something. plastic. Yeah. I still like it. He was literally like, take a photo on my phone of me looking through your records like I'm a real DJ or something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, weird. But I still like that.

That's my favourite story so far. What else? You know what? Just nice episodes. We had the 150th, which was, in some corners, split people's opinion. In some corners, split people's opinion. In some corners, split people's opinion.

Yeah. Only in corners. Yeah. In some narrow corners. Do you see, Paul, how you skirt the edge of utter word nonsense? We went ghost hunting this year. Remember that? I do.

And you ate at it and made me feel miserable for bringing you along. It was awkward and tedious at the same time. Do you know what I mean? That combination of something that is intensely awkward and also intensely boring at the same time. Do you know what I mean? That combination of something that is intensely awkward and also intensely boring at the same time. Do you know what I mean, Paul?

Yeah. So that was our year. That was Cheap Show this year. Oh, is that it? In a nutshell. Oh. We could have talked in more detail had it not been about you

and fucking Nando's and sticking eggs up your arse to tea stadium. I did not. Whatever it was you were talking about. I didn't do that. You did. I didn't say that. You've been obsessed with sticking things up your arse, to taste them, whatever it was you were talking about. I didn't do that. You did. I didn't say that.

You've been obsessed with sticking things up your arse this week. So. What's this? You've never shown me this before. Why haven't you shown me the Muppet Show music hole starring Miss Piggy? It's a seven-inch single. Side A, don't dilly-dally on the way. And it came from, I think they had a whole music hall album, I believe.

Really? Yeah. And that's a single off it. Because I did check on YouTube and I wanted to hear it. This is... It's not my favourite Muppet stuff. We're going to open the show with our own

lady of song, Miss Piggy. Because if we don't, she'll break both my arms. So here she is now, Miss Piggy. We had to move away because the rent we couldn't pay. The moving van came round just after dark.

There was me and my old man shoving things inside the van. Is that Dolph Meister in the woods? Let me remark. We packed all that could be packed in the van and that's a fact. And we got inside all we could get inside.

Then we packed... What a good old laugh they are. ...the tailboard at the back. There wasn't any room for me to ride. My old man said... Follow the van. No, not that. Don't dilly-dally on the way. Oh, no, no. Don't dilly-dally on the way.

Oh, yeah. Off with the cart with the home pack in it. I walk behind with my old cart. So what's this? This is the Lamb of Fork, isn't it? This is Don't Dilly-Dally. Oh, yeah. I get confused with doing the Lamb of Fork.

Yeah. Oi. Oh, yeah. I get confused with doing the Lamb of War. Yeah. Oi. Oi! Yeah. Oh, so that... I don't know. I don't know. Is that...

What are they called? The critics called? Sadler and Waldorf. Yeah. Now, I believe... That vinyl is just... They're not on this. I don't know.

That's a clean recording. I think it is just the song, yeah. Oh. This is an EP. It's actually got four tracks on it. Because, you know what my opinion of this is? It's got the boy in the gallery. I don't know that.

Sung by, it doesn't say. And then it's got Watcher, knocked him in the old Kent Road. And it's got didn't dilly dally dally on the way. And waiting at the church. So, some of the old standards you'd imagine definitely look there's a picture of uh fozzy in the uh what's that what are they what's he dressed in the pearly queen pearly queen he's a pearly queen pearly king and pearly queen yeah she's a pearly queen have you seen the b-man card uh postcard i've got no

that's a cockney thing i'll show you but this is the thing that appeals to me is like obviously they were filmed the muppet show in the UK so do you think like because you know Jim Henson loved music and different like music from all over the world they must have just come to London

discovered this whole cockney you know knees up music musical and gone we have to fucking put this in the Muppet Show it's a possibility yeah but they did sort of

cover different styles because they did country and western stuff and like jug band and bluegrass and opera this is the,

the Barry man. The Barry man. No, this is actually from Scotland, but it's a similar sort of weird, tell me, look, tradition.

What the fuck is that? He's the Barry man. They cover a guy in, in, what's he covered in? He looks like a Doctor Who monster. He's a gimp or something. He looks a bit like a gimp as well.

And that guy's like, one of these old, these sort of rough looking characters or just sort of, yeah bit like a gimp as well. He looks like one of these old, these sort of rough-looking characters, or just sort of, yeah, salt-of-the-earth sort of characters. One of them's feeding him with a straw, obviously, because he can't... He looks like the thing from Fantastic Four.

Yeah, he does. With flowers coming out the top of his head. But if he was made from fucking cardboard... It's like a Green Man thing. It's a pagan sort of Green Man thing. The Berry Man of South Queensbury, Lothian. Yeah. In Scotland.

Once a year. I don't know anything about... It's good. It's a good postcard, isn't it? Burry Man. I'm going to look that up. Hang on. Burry Man. Going off on one last tangent. Burry. Burry. Two R's. The Burry Man or Burry Man is the central figure of an annual ceremony or ritual. The Burry Man's Parade that takes place

in South Queensferry area of Edinburgh on the South Bank of the Firth and Forth in Scotland on the second Friday of August. But why? It's like a pagan thing. I think it's like a... Yeah.

It's a green man. Details of the costume. The Berry Man is meant to collect his coverings of birds for himself as well as any ferns and flowers used to decorate his costume. So he has to make the costume himself from flowers. He's done a good job this one from 1971, hasn't he? What are birdsrs though? Burrs are like

those little bits of plants that stick to you. Oh those furry things. Yeah those little furry things.

I haven't thought about them since 1987. They're good aren't they? Fuck that's weird.

Burrs yeah. They used to be everywhere when I was growing up as a kid. Well that's because you're out in the

fields more weren't you? Yeah that's probably true. I haven't been in a field in fucking years.

God so yeah and the balaclava covers his face and head and is also covered in flowers and birds

I never knew of this suggested origins it's just the pearly queen Fonzie is the pearly queen made me think of it the idea of the parade was to ward off evil spirits

and used to scare children as well oh yeah that scared you it represents rebirth regeneration like the green man

yeah as you say he is in some religions a scapegoat. Although that might have been a sacrificial victim. Like the man in Midsommar. Like the bear in The Queen. Or like the wicker man. They burn the wicker man, don't they? You can't speak and you can't hear me.

You can't talk, right? All right, we're good to go. He's going to burn alive! In a bear! Is that what happens in Midsommar? Have you not seen it? No. Oh, sorry, I've sported that.

Fuck. Did you like it? Yeah. You did? I like folk horror, though, like that. Yeah, but folk horror sometimes isn't very good. No, but this one's good. All right, don't give it away from me.

All right, it's good. It's quite moving, the end, I thought, as well. It's weird. Did you see Hereditary? Yeah. I liked Hereditary. We've both heard that we like Hereditary I think Midsommar's

nowhere near as good but I still enjoyable I liked it a lot because you know the problem with Midsommar is you kind of know where it's going

Hereditary was kind of like what the fuck you don't see that ending coming no you don't whereas Midsommar if you've seen Wicker Man you kind of know where this is going

and Blood on Satan's Claw is what I want to actually watch so there you go so yeah and Pearly Queen. So they did a musical episode of Muppet Show and then they sacrificed Fozzie at the end. Well, I'm getting confused now. I'm sure there was an LP of this, but this is an EP, so maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe. I don't know. I want to listen to it later. We should do it as a platter, yeah? Yeah. We should do a Muppet Platter episode. Okay. Because I've got three seven inches.

I've got the ma-na-ma-na. Yeah. We've done that, though, on the show. Yeah, but we've got to cover it again. Maybe we can do it again. I've got... You've got the porny original. Halfway up the stairs, also.

Halfway up the stairs. Is this stairs? There's a stair that I sit on. That makes me cry. I am a little froggy. It's Robin, isn't it? Yeah. I don't like Robin, though.

Why? It's one of those horrible characters where you exist to be cute and sad. He is cute and sad, though. He doesn't do anything cool ever. Of course he plays Tiny Tim in Christmas Carol. It's like, fuck off. Anyway, I've got an idea of how to end our year and this episode.

This is it. It's just New Year's Eve now. Paul, would you be out partying? Hardington? No, tonight I'm staying in and we're going to play board games and pizza. Do you think your

pizza's going to get delayed to fuck? No. You're getting takeaway pizza. Already got it, bought it, nice posh one.

Oh, right. Yeah. You've got supermarket pizza. Yeah. Is it a Dr. Oka? I don't know. Oh, yeah, that's

another thing we should say that is coming up this year. We're going to do an off-brand brand off. Yeah, we're going to do a pizza

off-brander. Yeah, finally. Right, we're going to end this year. Thank you for supporting us on off-brand brand off. Yeah, we're going to do a pizza off-brander. Yeah, finally. Right, we're going to end this year. Thank you for supporting us on Cheap Show. Thank you so much. We can do all the

social media stuff, but who gives a fuck? It's the end of the year. I do have a beard. We want to thank everyone who's helped support us. We want to thank

Yven for amazing work doing the magazines. Wow. I want to thank Tony for the amazing art. Is that the last magazine now that came out recently? One more.

One more. And then I'm thinking about doing an annual. A proper cheap show annual. Hardcover. Yeah, we'll figure it out. And thank Tony

for all of Tony's art. What about a flexi, Paul? A flexi disc. Maybe. Who knows? And I want to thank Rhiannon for all the hard work she did with the awards.

The awards. And on Twitch, Pseudo Sapien. I'd like to thank Pseudo Sapien for helping us out with Twitch and all of that stuff

and helping us get going and moderating everyone who's been involved who helps who does bits of art who gets involved with the show who helps make the magazine

who voted for the source report everyone who gets involved thank you so much who voted for the source report this fucking ridiculous excuse for a podcast going every fucking week so thank you

thank you everyone and let's see what happens in 2020 look five years old in 2020. How the fuck is this been going five years? When's the actual anniversary? I think it's like June 5th or 6th I think. Something like that. So let's

end this year. Well, hang on. Well, I'm going to keep building up. But is there going to be the 200th episode this year as well? Probably. I don't want to think about that yet. Is that alright? It's about that yet. Is that all right? It's okay, yeah. Is that all right?

Maybe we could have a really low downbeat. Downbeat? 200th. No, because people thought the 150 was downbeat because everyone thought the beefs were real. And we were acting. We were doing a little... In fact, afterwards,

we all gave each other circle jerks. Hand shandy McPrandy. I came on Biffo. Biffo spoffed on Ash. Ash gushed all over Eli. I came on Biffo. Biffo's boffed on Ash. Ash gushed all over Eli. And then this guy came in. And this guy came in and he was called

Johnny McGruder. Shut up. No more new characters. No more new characters. I don't know. Roger Gynora's still out there in the antechamber. Shut up.

He's staying out there because it's time to say goodbye. Is he with the charity shop vampires? Why is charity shop vampire always around these days? I want to suck your dick.

Yeah, that's what he says. Yeah, that's what he says. But he's outside sucking Roger's dick right now. I don't think Gynora has a dick. I hadn't thought that far. He's got the

ginormous dick. How ginormous? The ginormous dick. Gynora's ginormous dick. Gynora's ginormous dick. That was ginormous dick ginormous ginormous dick that was one of Roald Dahl's deleted

manuscripts was it yeah James the Giant Peach then he had ginormous ginormous dick right

about a vampire that lives inside a man's cock inside a man's cock there's stairs going up it round the outside look stairs

going up it round the outside yeah round the outside Round the outside Look stairs going up it Round the outside Yeah Round the outside Round the outside Two trailer park girls Going round the outside Right

Roger Gidora We're ending With a good old Cockney sing-along Tonight Ladies and gentlemen Get ready We're gonna sing

The old Lambeth War Oh no Here we go Here we Oh Anytime you're Lambeth way. Oh, no. Here we go. Oh, any time you're Lambeth way. I don't want to do this. Any evening, any day. I don't want to do this.

You'll find us all. I actually don't want to do this, Paul. Doing the Lambeth walk. I have to work tonight. Oi, go and burn a garbage can. You just say to eat a pizza. With a little Lambeth power. And what?

And have a little, have a nice night in Doing the Lambeth walk Oi Everything is free and easy You do as you don't Well please Why don't you make your way there Or go there

Or stay there Once you get down Lambeth way Every evening every day You'll find yourself Jososhing your mum's dad off. Joshing your old cock off. I've got it all shoved up my arse, you fucker. Up my can, your old can. Wow.

Wow. I can't You're all can't be said Wow You've done a poo All over Lambeth Every day in his droppy gooey Smuffy Mouth off I can't off This is just nonsense This is just nonsense You started it

Every little lambeth cow you'll die you off. I'm old, I'm lambeth old. Anytime you're lambeth way, get your cock out and they'll say for what a good'un. I'm flopping

my lambeth cock. Floppage at you cock. Dribble all over your sock. Splopper, splopper, splop. This is the most redundant. I've spoffed my broth right off. Stop it.

Please make it stop. We're nearly at the finale. No, please stop. Here we go. I've got a massive knob and my gob is slopping off. Stop rolling your eyes at your own material. You're sitting there going gob, gob, spoffy, spoff, gob, come. I've gone right off doing my spoff like.

Goodbye and happy new year. Yes, it ends. Goodbye, thank you. Sorry about that. goodbye and happy new year yes it ends alright goodbye thank you sorry about that