CheapShow - Ep 16: 80s Flashback

Episode Date: February 26, 2016

We're going back, unintentionally, to the 1980s! In this episode of the economy comedy podcast, Paul Gannon and Eli Silverman tackle the charm of living on the cheap... They finally get around to talking about their new year's celebrations... One's that involve feeling very old and diving out the way of rogue fireworks The lads search Ebay for the weirdest online bargains - Everything from male chastity belts to vintage Playboy magazine... and discover how they use food during sexy times. Ash Frith returns to carry on talking about who bequeathed what to whom. In our regular game "The Price of Shite", its all gets very 80s when Eli pulls out his cassette decks and mix tapes And finally, in the ultimate act of UK 80's nostalgia, Paul and Eli battle to the death... on a boardgame based on 80s TV hit "Bullseye". Who will win? Do you really care? Find out in the latest "CheapShow" If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow @elisnoid or @ashfrith If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher or iTunes and get fortnightly fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Ladies and gentlemen, hello! It's Eli Silverman, and you're listening to Cheap Show. Who else, who else is presenting Cheap Show? I don't know. It's you! It's me!man, and you're listening to Cheap Show. Who else is presenting Cheap Show? I don't know. It's you. It's me. Paul Gannon. Fucking hell. Cheap Show.

Welcome back to Cheap Show. So let me describe Eli Silverman to you. If Eli Silverman was a Magic the Gathering card, his stats would be smell, 100 anger 110 percent uh self-respect three percent and his special gift is arse gas uh that's his special toy uh eagle eye silverman the worst magic the gathering card you could possibly own you can do me now yeah you do me yeah you've prepared something i didn't have to ever explain that up. No shit. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Now, if I was going to describe Paul as... Uh-oh.

Witty, witty. Come on. I'll give you all the time you need. You keep thinking about it. If Paul was a chair... Good start. Yeah, chair's good. He'd have...

Legs. Listen, did I interrupt you? No. When you basically called me what? The twat. Yeah, chair's good. He'd have... Legs. Listen, did I interrupt you? No. When you basically called me what? The twat. No, you said smelly. Smelly, farty. Low self-esteem.

Yeah. Brilliant. Yeah, Magic the Gathering. How's that going to help my self-esteem, Paul? I don't give a fuck. I mean, I come down here to Southampton, do a show, and I just get into the studio. You smell. You fat troll

is that what you're saying? I didn't say that but it's what I'm implying you do what you want I'll step back I will definitely not interrupt in any way ooh Paul Gannon

how could we describe him? well he's not a great friend he calls me a troll I hate him is that it? does that work for you? it's alright

it's not your best usually you call me a kiddie fiddler or you know a depressed maths teacher or anything like that. Usually a bit more vicious. That, frankly, was punching below your weight. I think you can do better.

Okay, I'll try again. Do you want to have another go? Yeah. All right. I really want you to hurt me. I really want to have our friendship in doubt by the end of this next little link. All right? All right.

I'll tell you what will help. I'll tell you what will help. I'll help you out with this. You might need some news. Paul Gannon. Shut up. Taking twattery to levels never seen before. On the mountain of Dickhead,

he plants his pole firmly up his own rectum. Gannon. Dick man for the nation. Twat hole. Is that it? Is that like, who wants to be a millionaire music? I think so, yeah. I just thought the

tension might have been nice. I liked it. Yeah, it's alright. It helped. Made me giggle. Yeah, it made you giggle. Yeah. Maybe the person listening giggled as well. Did you listen, Giggler? Did you person listener? Did you person listener giggle? Made me giggle. Yeah, it made you giggle. Yeah. Maybe the person listening giggled as well. Did you listen, giggler? Did you person listener? Did you person listener giggle? Did you giggle, bell puzzle?

There, already. Yeah. The verbal salad. The verbal salad. He's tossing the verbal salad. I like that. I like that a lot. Gavin, tossing verbal salad this way and that.

He's blown the goose. It makes no sense because no one came to the live show where I first coined that. Did no one come? No. We have potentially more listeners to this than ever came to that potential live show that we did in the first place. So, I'll just give you some background. Paul

has been known to mess up the words. He'll start on a metaphor that he doesn't truly know and he'll just go through with it. Yeah, I don't really think things through. No. You know? And it led to you saying,

he's blown the goose. Which I think will catch on. Yeah, I mean, it's good. By mistake. Comedian and actor Richard Sandling already throws that one around. Oh, he's blown the goose. I'm happy with that, frankly.

Yeah, it's good. You've coined it. Yeah, I'm all right with that. We didn't talk about this last episode, but how was your New Year? Did you do anything fun for New Year's? I know it's like February now, and it's like old news, but... DJing. Yeah.

Mr. DJ pumped that party. Blue's Kitchen Camden. Yeah. Was it massive? Went till four. Wow. It was better than last year. I did New Year's the year previously.

Yeah. It was a bit quiet, because it was a Wednesday. Yeah, it was. And that was the year when they couldn't get the confetti things to go off. Couldn't get the confetti. So it was like. I did New Year's the year previously. It was a bit quiet because it was a Wednesday. Yeah, it was. And that was the year when they couldn't get the confetti things to go off. Couldn't get the confetti. So it was like, here's New Year. And people were poised on stage with these kind of confetti bomb launcher things, weren't they? Ready to get it going.

Like, three, two, one. It's not happening. Oh, it hasn't been opened properly. Get the cellophane off. One, two, three. At least 45 seconds later. Then they celebrated New Year. Yeah.

By then, no one gave a fuck. No. So this year, I wasn't given the responsibility to wield a confetti cannon. Fair enough. And I think the confetti cannons went off pretty good. Yeah, but you weren't in charge of them in the first place. You had one, but the girl who was running it still had the major ones on the front of the stage. So it was still her gaffe.

Yes, it was her gaffe. It was her gaffe and her gaff. Yes. Yeah, so joke's on you if you're listening. Oh, nice. This year I had to do the countdown. Did you? Yes.

Did you get a microphone and go ten, nine? Yeah, I didn't though because I messed it up and I only got to, because I was trying to queue up a record as well. Yeah. And it got to about four. And I went, four, three, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I played

1999 by Prince. Two thousand zero zero party overhead out of time. It's a great tune. It's a great tune. It's a fucking wicked one as well. It's a good one for me.

You should have played Disco 2000 as well at the same time. Because the thing is, you can still get away with playing that song because it goes, tonight we're going to party like it's a good one you should have played a disco 2000 as well at the same time because the thing is you can still get away with playing that song because it goes tonight we're going to party like it's 1999 so up until 2000 right that song was still like the potential we're going to rock it like it's the future but now it's like now we're going to rock it old school yeah so prince was thinking ahead he was a little purple midget bastard a littlever little purple genius. Yeah, he is, isn't he?

No, it's good. You know, it's cheesy. But I thought, you know, it's hard to think of another appropriate sort of rhythm and blues. Yeah, but aren't that many also songs about New Year in terms of celebration? There aren't.

There's Old Lang Syne. That's bullshit. Yeah, that's bullshit. That wasn't originally meant to be about New Year's at all. It was just a Hogman-y thing, wasn't it? Well, Hogman-y is New Year's. Yeah, but it's not quite the same thing.

There's something like Robbie Burns or something. I think it's been appropriated for New Year's rather than it was made for it. I might be wrong. There might be someone listening right now saying, excuse me, but you're completely out of order, and you don't know the fucking first thing you're talking about, and I'm going to write a letter as soon as I get out of this fucking mental institution. Exactly.

Yeah, anyway. So we had fun, though. It was alright. Yeah. I went to a house party. Now, that day, New Year's Eve, I had been up since four in the morning because I was doing the breakfast show on a radio. Didn't have much sleep during the day because I was doing split shifts, which means

I was working from like 4.30 till basically midday and then three in the afternoon till 7. Then from 7 o'clock, I raced from Southampton to Brighton to go to see my friend. Oh, it was in Brighton. Yeah, I went to my mate Luke, who you know, and we had a nice house party. But by the time I got there, I was fucking knackered.

And I was like, am I going to actually make it to midnight? And it was tough going for a while because, I'm going to be bluntly honest, drugs and alcohol were ingested in vast quantities that evening that I partook in, and I enjoyed it. But if you're very tired, alcohol and the Mary Jane. That variety. Is just not. I didn't take anything that was going to keep me up.

In retrospect, I probably should have. Because come midnight, I was like, I'm not going to make this. I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to make it. Party over for you. But I got to midnight and it was all right. We had a nice celebrate. Everyone was in one room. Yay!

It was a big house party. Everyone was having fun. Yay! Fireworks! So we all went out into the street and they started getting this fireworks box out and putting fireworks in. And people from the nearby flats and houses were all looking out the windows going, Yay!

Fireworks! Yay! hooray, fireworks! You know, hooray! Everyone was enjoying it and we're all sitting there and I had a little bottle and I was sitting on like their front, not on their front lawn because like,

where the house was, there was like a big weird gap and then a wall and then the street. So it's kind of almost like a little furrow, a little kind of moat almost between the house

and the road. But I was standing just by... Just by the moat? Yeah. So I was sitting there and, you know, whoo!

Everyone's going, yay! Let's get the rockets out. So we got some milk bottles and we put the rockets in and stuff like that and there was one rocket that went off four times.

It was like, you know, it was like one rocket but it went, psh! psh! Oh, those are good, those ones, yeah.

They're cool, those ones. And the first one went off excellently i was going and we're all drunk and ray and they put in the second bottle and it was a wine bottle way too tall because what was happening is they lit it everyone backed back and then the bottle just started to tip and it tipped right in our direction the weight of the firework was tipping yeah and it tipped fell on its side aimed at us, directly at me and Luke and a few others. And we were like, oh, shit.

And it was like, psh, psh, and started firing rockets at us directly. So I was like, oh, I threw my drink in the air, right? And I dove to the ground, forgetting that the moat was right there. You rolled down in the moat? Not rolled down, dove headfirst into this tiny gap between the house and the street.

So now I'm wedged between this house, right? With a rocket going on. Literally wedged. And I gap between the house and the street so now i'm wedged between this house right literally wet and i can feel the heat of the rocket going over my head bouncing off the window of the house and you know yeah exploding right on top of me right and i was like i'm in pain i had scratches all over my hand but it's gone now but i had a massive big scratch on my leg can you see that now, I'm looking at this injury and he is not turning, he's not being a malingerer here. He's not fibbing. That is a gash.

That is like a five, at least five inches, a good gash. That's what she said. She doesn't. No. She owns the gash. She does. But anyway, that was much worse up until a few days ago because that was a huge, big, proper old school.

And how did you do that on the wall or something? Just from falling. I just scraped where my leg hit the wall in serious business yeah but that scab was huge it was proper like you know when you're right young and you fall off a bike or something you have a proper big scab on your leg that whole thing went huge big scab came off in one go yesterday are we on the cheap eat section You can't get cheaper than eating your own scabs, can you? Chewy, hairy, gristly. It was like half blood sausage, half pork scratching. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Oh, I was eating on that for about two minutes. Mibbling. Oh, it was great. I'm meant to be the disgusting little troll. You were meant to be the hapless twat. I put it in the bin. I gave it a bite just for old time's sake because I have not had a scab like that since I was ten. But I didn't eat it.

I spat it out and then put it in the bin. That's less disgusting somehow, isn't it? Just a little bit. I didn't... Listener, I didn't eat a whole scab. I only tasted the scab and then I spat the scab in the bin. Purely for research. So that's what I did. That was my new year.

I had a great time. Good. You know what else happened? I DJed till four and then I sat around drinking for a couple of hours and then I met this guy.

No, it's not going that way. I didn't suppose. I went to someone's flat. This is like 6, 7.30 in the morning. And the guy in the flat was like, I'm in the mood

for an after party. This person in Dalston said there's a club, we can go down there. I said, oh, I'll go along. That's my way home. So I end up literally 9.30 the next day in the morning in this club in Dalston. Wow.

We're too old for this shit, man. I was so way too old for it. Because when I got to about, I don't know, 2.30, 3 in the morning, everyone was up. And at that point, me and Luke had agreed, about 2, we're going to go home. We're both getting old now. It wasn't his house? No, no, no.

It was a friend of a friend's house that we were just invited to. But the unfortunate thing is, right before we were about to go, one of Luke's relatives turned up he's not seen in years. And he was like, I've got to stay for a bit because he came all this way. And I was like, oh. So I fell asleep standing up in the kitchen wedged against this cabinet and this cooking leading yeah there was quite a lot of blood on my jeans soaking through keeping the g because that's the thing you have to pull the

jeans off this off the cut scabbing into the jean so that was painful and then apparently i don't remember this i fell asleep in someone's bedroom and they did not approve because you know it was their private room that they said quite loudly throughout the night no it's not out of my room it's off limits i just went in and out of sleep because it was the only room in there where people weren't drinking smoking whatever um he was not happy he was not happy did he shout at you he shouted at me really he was like get out of my bed get out of my bed like that god the guy sounds like he's got a stick up his arse. Yeah, well, to be fair, I would have been the same. I would have been quite arse.

Were you drunk or something? Is that why you went in there? Yes. It sounds like drunk Paul. It's like drunk. I don't care. Yeah. I'm going to have sleep.

I've got to do it. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, so yeah, I was asleep. And then eventually we got a very expensive taxi home. So what have we got coming up on the show today, Paul? Well, I think on the show today we're going to do a charity shop challenge where I've bought a board game from a charity shop and we're going to play off against each other and see who is the victor.

I believe you've got a price of shite coming up. I've got some prices of shite. Which is good. And we're going to open with a little topic I have found online. Let's see. What is this? So everyone likes a bargain, right? Everyone likes to bargain. Have you ever used eBay to get stuff? Have you ever bought stuff on eBay? I am proud to say I've never bought something on eBay.

Why do you be proud to say that? A lot of people do it. Millions of people do it every day. Well, I'm proud. Why? What? Just because I'm proud. Listen, when you have got not much to be proud of in your life, just start using arbitrary things. Like, I'm proud of never having...

I've never painted a window red. You're proud of that, aren't you? I'm proud of that. It's a point of pride. I've never in my life eaten a brick. Quite proud of that. It's good that you've avoided the health problems. I have never in my life thrown a child through a brick. Quite proud of that. Yeah. It's good that you've avoided the health problems.

Yeah. I have never in my life thrown a child through a window. Quite proud of that. Proud of that. Yeah, proud of that. So I've never sold anything on eBay. No. Proud of that.

Never sold anything, never bought anything? No, never. Well, here's the thing. I have used eBay. I bought some quite nice things off it, some rarities. You monster. Yeah, I bought a very expensive version of Red Dwarf, the USA TV pilot, you know, when they did an American version of Red Dwarf on VHS.

I bought that. Did they make a series? No, they made three pilots with different casts. Wow. Did they show them? No, never showed them. So that's why this VHS was quite expensive. And it had all three episodes on it.

Yeah, different permutations. The only thing that was consistent across all three was Robert Llewellyn, who played Crichton, played. And it had all three episodes on it. Yeah, different permutations. The only thing that was consistent across all three was Robert Llewellyn, who played Crichton, played Crichton in all three episodes. Anyway, I bought that, and then three weeks later discovered YouTube, which had those pilots on for now. Of course it does.

Absolutely fucking nothing. So, you know, I have used eBay in my time. That shows you, though, doesn't it? eBay and then YouTube. YouTube was like a revelation when I discovered YouTube. That thing I haven't seen in 20 years. It's on YouTube. I can watch it.

So anyway, I've used eBay. And I thought, what kind of weird things have been sold on eBay? What kind of weird bargains or auctions? It turns out quite a lot of weird bollocks has been sold. And I've got a few of them here if you want to know more. Okay, tell me. Okay, so this sold for $190. It is a CB6000 male chastity contraption.

And it sold, apparently. Do you know what it is? What it does? It shows you pictures of Anne Hathaway. Ahoy! What, the Shakespeare's wife? Oh, God, no. Or the skeletal-faced actress? She's an attractive.

She's all right. The thing is, she... Sexist bull, sexist bull, sexist bull, likes them fat and tall. And I don't know why that pitch never sold when I tried to pitch that as a kids' cartoon show. Whatever.

It's basically a little plastic mould that looks like a penis, but you slop your junk into it and you strap it to yourself. But because it's so restrictive, you can't get an erection within it. Okay. And so it locks your cockle. That could come in useful. It could come in useful.

It's better than the women's. You know, they also have chastity belts for women of two varieties. One that's just basically a metal pair of knickers or one that have, like, spikes and things. So even if you try to stick it in, you're going to get your chap quite severely mauled. Yes. Yeah.

You wouldn't want to go there. So that sold for 190. But why has it got this sort of serial number, as if they've got a whole range of male chastity items? Well, I can only imagine, basically, that it comes down to the fact that they're popular and they come in different styles that maybe want to suit different types of men.

Why would you want one? What, he works as a doorman in a strip club or something and he's got a problem with unwanted erections? I don't understand. I don't know. I thought the chastity belt was the point that your dad or your husband locked you in it so that no one could get you while you were out marauding or something.

Maybe that's it. Maybe let's go to a dark place. Maybe you're a paedophile and you've been forced to have one. Or you're a sex offender and you've been forced to have one. Or, you know, you're Bill Colby. You know?

And he should know better. You know, there's that. It's a thought. I mean, it's a thought. I mean, it also came with, when you bought the item, it also came with a free pair of Italian design sunglasses, glasses even.

And you can specify your choice when you make the payment, which is nice. So, you know, you can look like a complete dick with your sunglasses on and your cock locked up. So that's that one.

What else? Well, not particularly cheap, is it? No, but you know, actually all of these aren't particularly cheap. Off topic. Oh, God, mate, a cheap show. It's really hard doing this. I know.

Let's just get on with it. Let's just get on with it, all right? People listen to this just like, you know, just make this interesting. Come on. I'm trying. It's been a long, long weekend. Yeah. There's this funny thing with online, buying things online.

The price kind of gets inflated, doesn't it, by the fact that it's online? Because people think because it's an auction, it's going to get more than you put the initial price on for. And it never does. This one's nice. Chocolate-flavoured nipple spread with applicator. What it means is plastic knife. But it's basically a little pot of... Is it a knife or a brush?

It's a little knife. It's like is plastic knife. But it's basically a little pot of... Is it a knife or a brush? It's a little knife. It's like a palette knife. It's basically someone packaging what anyone would do with a jar of Nutella under any sexual circumstances. You know? Yeah. What if you don't like Nutella? Then there are other chocolate spreads available.

As we've done. As we have done in the past, yeah. It's Euro creme. Euro creme. Matt, you could get sexy with the Euro creme. Excuse me, darling. To spice up this remarkably erotic evening, can I spread my Eurocreme all over your big fat tits?

What was there? Choco Noir? Choco Noir as well. That was quite nice, that stuff. Choco Noir. That's classy. I used that for some cupcakes. I spread it on some cupcakes.

Oh, did you? Yeah, I did in the end. Yes. Classy. Nice. So there's chocolate. It's chocolate body paint. We've heard of this before, haven't we? Yeah, I did in the end. Yes. Classy. Nice. So there's chocolate. It's chocolate body paint. We've heard of this before, haven't we?

Yeah. Have you ever used chocolate in sex? Have you ever used food in sex? Yes. You have? Yes. What food? Please don't say a banana or something.

I think the strangest thing you've ever used... Would have been Jolly Ranchers. It's all coming back to me now. But yes, I used to have sex. How were they used? Did you stick them up somewhere? What else are you going to do? You know, I just put them on the shelf.

I like to have the Jolly Ranchers watching me whilst I'm on the job. Of course I put them up somewhere. Where, though? The front one. The front one? How are you so coy when it comes to sex stuff? I'm not coy.

I'm just thinking of our listeners. Just say, in a very mature manner, I put a Jolly Rancher up a woman's twat. There, you've said it for me. I use Nutella in bed, and I've pasted that on a shaven area because no one wants a hairy Nutella slurp.

No one wants that. Hairy Nutella Slurp. Slice. Yeah, yeah. You know, I've applied a little bit of

Nutella to a lady's pot and gone at it like a bulldog with a big bowl of dog food. Blah, blah, blah. Yes, they're good. It's the blue episode of Cheap Show. It's a bit rude, isn't it, so far? at it like a bulldog with a big bowl of dog food.

Yes, they're good. It's the blue episode of Cheap Show. It's a bit rude, isn't it, so far? Why are you getting so rude? It's like me in Lisbon. Lisbon Airport. Bloody hell. I could have fucking done demolition work. Could you?

Right, moving on. So that sold for £3.99. Body pay for £3.99? Yeah. See that again. How much is Nutella? Why did you put it on eBay? I wouldn't buy it

off a mysterious seller. You know, I'd get it from a sex shop in Soho if I had to get it at all, along with some fucking dick-shaped pasta. What's dick-shaped pasta called in Italian?

Coccole. Coccole? I don't know. Coco. Penne penis. Yes, thank you. That was another one. Another one that sold for $4.99 was an American raccoon penis bone.

Ah. See, now that could be used in traditional medicine. Is that what you think? I don't know. Yeah, well. See, that's it. Also, whales have penis bones. They do.

Raccoons have penis bones. They do. A lot of animals have penis bones. Why no me have penis bones. They do. Raccoons have penis bones. They do. A lot of animals have penis bones. Why don't me have penis bone? There's not enough penis that warrants having a bone in there. Well, it could be a three-inch bone. You don't know. I don't know.

Don't want to know. Don't care. No, you know the point I'm trying to make here, Paul. Yeah. Keep your baculum away from me. Is that what it's a penis bone? Baculum, yeah. Yeah, and it's funny because the guy who sold this bone

has his own website store and it's called Baculum World. So it obviously is a bit of a... The thing is, you know what they sometimes use that for? Sometimes they've used penis bones from animals as tie clips. So you could use a fox's penis bone or a cat's one as a little tie clip.

I seem to think, I remember seeing some narwhal, narwhal baculums. Yeah, probably. And walrus. Walrus. Walrus had big old baculums. Yeah, you ought to see my baculum. Well, it takes away so many of the problems

associated with erectile dysfunction, for example. Yeah. But then there's some more problems. If you break it, that would be a bad break. Imagine snapping your baculum. Oh, you need a splint.

Get a lollipop stick. That would be terrible. Have it in a cast. You could use that chastity vice. The chastity vice. Job done. You will never

break your baculum then is a thought. Another one on this list is used breast implants. They didn't sell on the only way they didn't sell. Oh, you'd think they'd be grabbing those. They only sold, they didn't sell them. Oh, they didn't sell? No.

Oh, you'd think they'd be grabbing those. It's like, Mum, Mum, you know, you're talking to me the other way about you want to use breast plants

for your flabby flat tits. Well, I've just spoken on eBay and there's a pair going for a quid. Yeah, I'll get them. Yeah, I'll get them. Yeah, that's never

going to sell, is it? No, it didn't. It only got as high as $1 that sale. Well, the guy should have sold them. I mean, he's never going to get a better price than that. He didn't. It only got as high as $1, that sale. Well, the guy should have sold them. I mean, he's never going to get a better price than that. He should have sold two of them. At least got $2.

Anything else? Hologram Jesus. Hologram Jesus? It's a 3D picture card of the Turing Trout, which, as we all know, never touched Jesus. No. It was carbon dated. It was only shown to be a couple of hundred years old

or something daft in the end. Yeah, it was made up. Yes. So this one sold for £9.99. Old Playboy magazines. One careful owner. How careful? Well, the page is open, so there's no sticky residue.

There's no shroud of turrent kind of sticky mess on there. Oh, look. They must have used this magazine to cover a man's groin. Gross. But they're old Playboys. 40-year-old they were. So, you know, 60s era. Yeah, vintage.

They go for... They're worth something, aren't they? Yeah, I think so. Well, what did they sell for? They sold... The whole thing went for $10. And they were in good condition. How many of them?

Oh, that's a good point. It doesn't actually say. I think there's not many. Okay. I think maybe four or five. Playboy. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's the thing. Playboy used to have distinguished writers. Oh, yeah. Writing articles, serious essays. And sci-fi short stories. I think Philip K. Dick wrote a few stuff there. Yes. Or I know Richard Matheson did.

Matheson did. Yeah. And I think Gore Vidal. Rod Serling, I think, did as well. Robert Anton Wilson used to be the editor. Yeah. Anyway, my point is... Are you listening to the roundabout way of saying, I bought it for the articles?

No, that used to be the excuse. That was the excuse, yeah. My point is, there's none of that in porn. There's none of that now. You know, some wide-ranging interests. If I go online, it's all just anal, isn't it? I'd like, why don't they do that? Not all anal.

It depends on your search engine. But why don't they do that? Not all anal, depends on your search engine. But why don't they do, you know, put some like, footnotes on the video. Well-considered essays that are running down the sides. Because no one really, okay, so no one really looks at porn in terms of magazines anymore. The you-chiz generation, you know, the you-porn generation, they watch the videos.

What they need to do, theoretically, is add little bits of science facts to the bottom of the videos. So, you know, when someone's getting penetrated in all their holes, at the little bottom it says do you know the sea not is the largest sea not in the world? It's the giddiest book of records it bloody well is. Well, I'd like some sci-fi

short stories. Yeah. The number one weirdest thing sold on eBay? Invisibility. See, this is just for mugs. Yeah, it says here, Become invisible. This is not a toy, a magic trick, or a scam. Which means it's definitely a magic trick and a scam. This is not an illusion, a rip-off, or ninja technique.

Or at least it's not a ninja technique. No lies become 100% invisible. The secret invisibility renders you completely invisible. The method is currently used by the CIA and foreign intelligence agencies. Don't scoff. You can go anywhere at any time and never be seen. You're invisible to all you meet, not even a shadow. This works when you're completely surrounded by cameras or people.

Let you vanish and reappear whenever you like. It's a best kept secret for thousands of years. Oh, so it's like magic. It can't be technological then. No, and it says for moral purposes only. It has a picture of an invisible man

looking up a lady's dress. Does it really? Yeah. That's just like the X-Ray specs you used to get back at comic books, isn't it?

Yeah. It's just like some idiot buys it. It's bullshit. You could see through girls' clothes with this. No, you'll have

a pair of dodgy glasses that someone's put a weird feather over the top of is that what they were it's weird kind of little feathery thing that made things look ghostly oh it wasn't actually yeah so obviously it's a scam it's just how much does someone pay for it you know what's interesting about that is that there is no price on this at all which means ebay probably had one look at that and went uh you're not selling that you can sell your nazi memor that and went, you're not selling that. You can sell your Nazi memorabilia, mate, but you're not selling an invisible potion.

There you go. That's the weirdest thing. Actually, the weirdest thing I ever found on eBay, this is what I found, was a taxidermy mouse having a poo on a toilet reading a newspaper. It's a toilet hole. I've got a picture of it here. Do you want to have a quick look? Come on around. It's great. You'll love it.

It's a little white mouse sitting on a little porcelain toilet, reading a newspaper. Ah, they're an old grunt. That's nice. And that's sold for like five quid. Well, I'd pay five quid for that. We all would. Yes. Value.

Value, toilet mouse. Toilet mouse! Toilet mouse! Right, now it's another opportunity for Paul to show his prowess guessing the price of meaningless and cheap items. Yes, it's the price of shite. Let's sing the theme. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite.

It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. I haven't fucked it up. I thought I did it right that time. It's the fucking price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite. Oh, you fucked it up so badly. I thought I did it right that time. It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite.

And that's right. Thank you. So what have you got for me this week to guess at? First, is... We've got a lovely little spoon. Oh, I love spoons. It's a souvenir spoon. Sp I love spoons. It's a souvenir spoon. Spoon. All right. It's a souvenir spoon, and it's...

My nan used to collect spoons like that. She has a whole cabinet full of dangling spoons from different countries she's been to. This is... Mostly Australia. This is mint in sleeve. It's got a nice sleeve, Arden souvenir sleeve. Oh, it's nice.

The manufacturer. Lovely bit of objet d'art, that. Yeah, and it's a spoon, it's a souvenir, and it's celebrating the town of Porthcawl, which I believe is in Wales. Well, yeah, sounds like it. Can I have a little look, sir? Yes.

Oh, all right. It's got a Welsh dragon on it. Of course. Is that what gave it away, then, that it might have been from Wales? No, I've also... I happen to know that Porthcawl is in Wales. Anyway, so yeah, there you go.

It's a teaspoon. Lovely. And don't be... There is a price on this, Paul. It's not the price that you bought it for. It's not the price I paid. I don't think I'd be that stupid to go ahead with that anyway. Even though I have, in my past, left the prices on stuff during this game.

There you go. There's a spoon. You can't really use this for tea though, because the way it's plated means it would all come off and it's not... Yeah, I don't think you can actually use this the way it's plated means it would all come off. Would it? Yeah, I don't think you can actually use it. Is it silver-plated? Yeah, I think you can get poisoning from it if you use it. So it's simply for souvenir purposes.

It's simply to hang from your cabinet and say, I've been to Porthcawl. And I got a spoon. And I got a spoon. That's tat in the truest sense of the word. Yeah, and it's interesting because it's got a little red dragon on, which is fair enough because it's Wales, which if you don't know, for people listening at home,

Wales are quite big on dragons, even though they don't exist, and they've never had any. And it's got a little boat on, so I'm guessing, obviously it's a port, it's got to be on the coast. It's probably a little nice little seaside town. It's probably got a little pier, maybe a few shops on the front. Yeah.

A little souvenir shop, and somehow it's wound up in London where someone went, what the fuck did I buy this from? I hate poor Cole. I hate it. Shit, my wife was murdered there. Now. And this was left in her eyes. Can you tell us what the original price was? The original price here, I think it says

33p. 38p. 38p. That's very cheap. I mean, I think that's actually, the scrap metal might be worth that. It says here it's from a place called Richards, News Agents and Stationers, John Street, Porthcourt. I see, that's why. You've got to keep that label on. You know what this means, though? It means that there's about a box of 400 fucking spoons that they couldn't shift during the peak tourism period.

They're like, what are we going to do, 38p? Just get rid of them, John. Get rid of them. They really wanted to get rid of those spoons. Just get rid of them. And so it's an Arden souvenir product, which is a sign of, as we all know, quality spoons. It's in perfect condition. It's really good condition.

So let's get your guess on that one. If you paid any more than 38p for it, then you are a massive sucker. Listen, I'm trying to support the show. Yeah, I know, but... Well, it could be less. I'm going to go with less. I'm going to literally say 10 pence. Okay, that's your guess.

What is item number two on the price of shite? Going with the souvenir theme... I like it. We've got a Colour Master souvenir of Skegness. Yes! I love Skegness. Skegness. And this is like a little booklet of many... Places to go in Skegness. Yes! I love Skegness. Skegness. And this is like

a little booklet of mini... Places to go in Skegness. Well, yes. The sites of Skegness. It folds out. And it folds out. And you've got all of these

mini postcards that comprise... Of the sites and sounds of Skeggy. And they're serrated edges so you could actually use these as postcards. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And by, oh, wow, I mean... Yeah. Now, you'd think, oh, I wonder what Skegness is like. Yeah. And by, oh, wow, I mean... Now, you'd think, oh, I wonder what Skegness is like. Yeah. And you would be able to see general features, but you'd also be able to see some terrible photoshopped-in families. We've colour-corrected this, so even though every picture we took was in the grey and it was pissing down,

it now looks like it's a sunny day in Skegness. It looks extremely sunny, and there's this one of the waterway in Skegness, and there's a boat there, and it's just not real. There's not a single condom floating in that waterway. No, it just does not look real at all. Or can of pop. It looks like a lovely fantasy land beyond reality. Oh, that's what they want us all.

Boating late there. So I'll hand the item over to you, Paul. Be careful with it. Thank you very much. Delicate. This is my own personal collection. Oh, it's right above Kings Lynn. So it's, you know, north of Norwich.

Skegness. The Colour Master souvenir. And there's always that guy. That guy, he's always on these things. Is he? The overweight kind of sailor with the scarf. And he's skipping. He's skipping along. Do you know what that guy is is called why is he there i don't know he's got a pipe and he's like it looks like he's doing an airplane impression

it's a very weird pose the color master man maybe like you know the end of die hard when alan ripman fell off the roof it's like oh it's that kind of pose like he's falling to his death uh let me have a look the pull Gardens, not a single jumper there. Edwin Hicks show, whatever. It's sad though because this reminds me of where I grew up because there's a place

near me called New Brighton and it was modelled after Brighton as meant to be another seaside resort. You see pictures of it in its heyday with its tower

like a little blackpool tower it had and a boating thing and an Olympic sized pool where they had Miss Wirral kind of competitions and things like that. Now you look at it,

it's just concrete and few cinema and it's all the history has been taken down and replaced by that gentrified kind of everywhere high street look. Very depressing and you kind of want it to be like this. Yeah, you do. You do a little bit. It's very nostalgic that, isn't it? It's got a little roller

coaster and yet a definite photoshop bus, a boat, sorry, on a lake. Yeah, that is, yeah. With what looks like Winston Churchill on the back. Well, he loved Skegness. He did. There's a festival pavilion, which obviously these, you know what?

I think I've performed, I think I've done a gig in Skegness. At the festival pavilion? Yeah, because it looks very familiar. You may well have done. How much did I pay for that piece of shite? Oh, I'm going to say you paid... Also, the illumination, Skegness. One light.

Is it? Well, the clock tower. That's it. I'm going to say you paid 25p. 25p for that item? 25p for the book. For the Skeggy book. And what is the final item?

Final item? How are you going to like this, Paul? Oh. Oh. This is a modular cassette storage system. Fucking love it. And there's five of them. Look, they come apart.

Oh, I like that. They're C-boxes, the thing. For the old C90s or the C180s, depending on the quality. Yeah, cassette. Yeah. And they slot into each other so you can stack them. Yeah, build up a nice selection. And they've got a little button on the front.

Yeah. You press the button. And nothing happens. It's a bit rusty. Not rusty because it's not made of metal. It's plastic. There you go. Oh, it's got cassettes in it.

It's got a tray and the cassette comes out. And you can see I've taken the cassette out yeah now I close it again what's the difference can you see a difference there's a little light that's gone off

it's not a light it's like an actual red button that comes through so you know if that's empty or not you know if it's occupied or not mate

I mean look and look just look they all come apart that's great if this was 1987 I'd be all over that. Every one of those would have a different,

now that's what I call music collection cassette on it. Yeah. You know, with the best hits of Kachagoo Goo, Dollar and Culture Club all stacked atop of each other. It's a physical object. Is that your cassette or was that found in the box? No, that's mine, yeah. Oh, what's on that cassette out of interest?

It just says Seven. Is it you sticking Jolly Ranch to a lady's flange? No, I used to's mine. Oh, what's on that cassette I have interest? It just says Seven. Is it you sticking Jolly Ranch to a lady's flange? No, I used to do that. Actually, this cassette used to belong to that lady. Elvis Mix? Ellie's Mix, it's called. Oh, Ellie's Mix. Her friend was Ellie.

Yeah. Oh, it smells funny by the... There was some kind of gunk on there, but anyway... Ellie's Mix. It's not Ellie's Mix. Is it Ellie's Mix all on the top no this is my girlfriend at the time um had a friend who was a painter called early and this was a mix that she did for her funny a lot of this tunes on this cassette yeah uh now part of my set when i dj because they're

great so would you say that cassette maybe got you into certain types of music it did and sort of northern soul that's good aspect there's a bit of heritage there as well. Yeah, it's good. It's a good mix, that Ellie's mix. Unfortunately, cassettes, they don't last. You can't listen to them now. No. Because they're ruined.

It all fades away. Here's a tape called Eli's Dulux Poo. Right, and what's on that? By my friend Ben. It's mainly Afrofunk. So it's not exactly just you grunting and hearing the plops. They've got all tapes in here just to show it works and have a little

look at that and then guess the price. I'm loving this. Oh, I like this a lot. It's modular. It means it builds in modules. Yeah, you could get, you know, there's five of them there. It's called a C-Box. Yeah, I'd say that. Made in Germany, for sure. It's got German quality engineering.

When the Germans get involved with modular cassette stacking, they're not messing around. No, we're not. Vort sprung durch Technik, my friend. That is literally one of the best tape storage things I've ever seen. I like it a lot. You know what I mean? With a little button action.

Look at the action. The action is really satisfying. Sometimes you wouldn't even want to listen to cassette. You'd just be doing this all day. You'd just play with it. Listener, listen to this. In, in, and listen to the out. Oh!

Oh! Got a proper Jolly Rancher on with that. I'm going to guess. That's what you need to do. I'm going to guess. That's probably the most expensive item on here, but not by much. I'm going to say that was 150. All right, so.

Shall we see how you've done? For the spoon, I said 10 pence for the spoon. How correct or not was I? 50p. Oh, I was well off. And this book of Skegness imagery. 50p. Oh, I was off with that as well.

I was half off by that. Oh, that's 50p and all. All right, what's the last one? 75p. Oh, I was literally wrong by 50% on nearly every single one of these. Oh, I'm disappointed

because I was spot on. You didn't do too good. I'm never going to get on smash in the attic or whatever it's fucking called these days. Smashing the attic. I mean, cash in the attic.

Smash would just be, I've got a load of potatoes upstairs. Don't know what to do with it. Make some smash. Yeah, a couple of robots. They're up there. No one's getting this.

No one's getting this. It's a decade. It was called yesteryear. 80s references only on this episode. Oh, well, I did try my best. But that was a good selection. Thank you. That was a very good selection.

Thank you. And there'll be photos of those available? There'll be photos on our Twitter feed and on my personal Instagram feed as well, I think. I'll put them on there. I'm called Gannon World on Instagram. You can follow me. It's mostly pictures of me in my ill-fitting Ghostbusters uniform.

Right. You may remember last episode we were speaking to Ash and he got cut off because he's an idiot. And let me just check if he's still on the phone right now. Let's have a look. Ash, are you there? Ash, come through to me. That is dumb.

Sorry. Okay, so this is a good one. Michigan millionaire Wellington Burt used his will to put his enormous wealth out of the reach of his family for almost a full century. This guy, he died in 1919. He wrote it into his will. He had a lot of money millions of pounds he left his money to the uh the grand his great grandchild so he said i will no one can touch any of this money until my last grandchild is dead i just love that but not the great grandchild well he doesn't know the great

grandchild he's hoping that they're worthy. He didn't like his children or grandchildren, so he trusted his great-grandchildren would be good. That's clever, though, right? His final grandchild died in 1989, but then they had to wait 21 years for someone to be old enough to have it. And so that was in Novembermber 2010 when uh 12 people

discovered that they were his benefactors whoa which is really weird and they called it a legacy of bitterness that sounds like the worst film i've ever heard of ever it may be a legacy of bitterness but still buy you a lot of uh maybe that's what star wars episode eight's going to be called star wars legacy of bitterness, Legacy of Bitterness. Well, it could be, after what happened in the last one. No spoilers, no spoilers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They each got about £11 million each.

Wow. So imagine that just out of nowhere. Your great-great-granddad, who you never knew, and they just go, well, he's 11 million pounds, he's asking you. And you know what? I hope all of them as well are massive pricks. Like worse than their original.

Like they're all, you know, gamblers and murderers and rapists. They all just sort of hire out a bit of land and then smash up a bunch of cars. Yeah.

They get all the poor people in the local village to come to their house and they set fire to it. They fritter it. Yeah. They're all in the KL house and they set fire to it. They fritter it. Yeah. They're all in the KLF. They're good there, that band, though.

Last Train to Trans Central. I like KLF. What? Did you ever see that documentary about them burning the million quid? No. That was the Joker. That was what he was referring to. You laughed, Paul.

You laughed. You fake. I didn't fake laugh. I thought you were talking about the band. No, I thought you were talking about the band. No was what he's referring to. You laughed, Paul. You laughed. I didn't fake laugh. I thought you were talking about the band. No, I thought you were talking about the band. It is the band. It is the band. The band had a million pounds

because they made a lot of money. And then one of their videos, they burnt the million pounds in a furnace. They went to an island. They went off to an island. So I laughed at the right reason, but for also the wrong reason. Yeah, yeah, you didn't know the fact.

Basically, I've seen they made a documentary about it. They did not look happy after they'd done it. They were trying to make a point. There was a 90s band called Manson that did a video as well called Taxman. And for that video, they threw all that money into a train station or something? Yeah, Liverpool Street Station, they threw 50 grand in cash uh uh the passengers as they got rush hour in the morning uh because that meant they then it was there it was literally the tax

loss so they didn't have to pay the taxman that money they just threw the 50 grand off the edge that's incredible we should all do that um you should hang around train stations eli in case music bands are filming pop videos or in case one of my relatives dies or something yeah do you have any rich relatives who hate their relatives and you're the last relative well the thing is you wouldn't know would you no you wouldn't know you wouldn't know um right so then uh there's a guy called uh i i'm pretty sure i've got this right this name is a portuguese aristocrat called luis carlos de noronha cabral de camara that's easy for you to say he had millions of pounds and he just chose 70 strangers randomly out of the lisbon phone directory and gave them his entire fortune.

Wow. Oh, God. And one of the people who benefacted said, and this is a quote, so I'd say maybe thank you or that's an incredible thing to have done. Yeah. But this guy who got the money said, I have never heard of the man.

That's the last question you'd ask, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. When you get a tax rebate you never go i've never heard of the tax company i've never heard of you know you go thank you yeah thank you very much he was lovely yes yes best mate so that does give you hope doesn't it that gives you hope the fact that there might be just someone who's going to give you a fortune just because they cannot be bothered to give it to anyone else oh oh those kind of things only happen in fairy tales though and lisbon and lisbon apparently yeah which you

know it's not proper money is it it's all euros now that's true i went to lisbon um at the end of last year and we went to an american diner and it was like, this is the American diner. Everything about it looked like an American diner. Then they served just slop. It was as far from an American diner as you've ever seen. There weren't even fries with a meal. I had a plate full of brown slop. Eli's licking his lips. You know what?

I don't want to get all sort of... Sexy. Prejudiced here. Right. But you're the second person who I know who's complained about the food in Portugal. Oh. Yes. Well, maybe there's a trend starting. I don't know.

Maybe we need to, you know, shake our sticks. I was in Lisbon Airport in transit and had a panini. It was overpriced. Wasn't too bad, though. Another great Eli Silverman story. It's as good as mine. Well, we had a really weird thing where we were doing a gig in Lisbon and when we took off,

it was about, I think it's a two-hour flight and the gig started in two hours. So when we were taking off, we were like, because we were so delayed, we were like, well, there's no way that this is going to happen, but we want to go to Lisbon anyway. So we were in the air, and then actually when we were in the air,

I think the gig had started, we were a bit delayed whilst we were in the air. So when we landed, it was about 20 minutes before we were actually meant to be on stage. So there was a guy just waiting in the airport going, come on, come on, come on, you've got to go, you've got to go. We got in this car. I've never been more scared in the fact that he's driving across the thing. Excuse me. We literally ran through the doors of the venue

and then directly onto stage to perform. And then the weird thing was we sort of finished what we were doing. No, gig went ahead. But the guy, the MC, he was just, because it was with the boy with tape on his face. He was headlining the show. So the guy, the MC was just stalling.

There's about 2,000 people in this arena. And the guy is just stalling. He starts singing his song. And I just turned to the guy who's like running, and went, is this guy any good? And he's like, oh, yeah, he's one of the best comedians in Portugal. He's like, oh, he has been on stage for a long time. He's sitting there laughing.

I'm not laughing anymore. Memories are the corners of my mind. Just anything to fill time. But then we did the gig, finished, and then literally when I got some food, went to bed, woke up and left Lisbon. My entire time in Lisbon was me running, sleeping or eating.

So there you go. He still did better than me. I ate a panini and had the terrible horn. This is on the way back. God, it was horrendous. Your horn? Yeah. Well, you know, she took a picture.

I wouldn't, no, I didn't mean like that. Oh. It was just weird, you know. It's one of those things, you're tired, you're hungover. You're aroused. Who's that guy, Hugh? Laurie. Huge.

Hugh Hefner. Hugh Hefner. No, Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant. It's the Hugh Grant defence, isn't it? He gets the serious horn when he's hung over. That explains that prostitute, I think. That's what he said.

Oh, I get this terrible, terrible horn. I think he's always got a terrible, terrible horn. The stories I've heard about him, which are probably litigious or slanderous, but he has always got a terrible horn. All right, Ash, thank you very much for your time. Take care and we'll speak to you next time on the show. I love you both very dearly.

I know you do. Five pound in the post to you. Bye. Bye. We're going to be here. here and to end today's episode I've got a thing

called the charity shop challenge where I'm going to go to a charity shop I'm going to buy a toy a challenge a game something like that and we'll pit each other

against each other obviously that's what that means yeah and see who comes out on top now okay it'll be me we'll see because each other, obviously. That's what that means. See who comes out on top. Okay, it'll be me. We'll see.

We'll see, because there are many number of board games available, anything from simple pick-up sticks, Guess Who, Kaplung, that kind of stuff. I've gone a bit classy for our first time out, because you know how much I love 80s nostalgia and 80s shit, like Little and Large. Shit. Anything that's awful, light entertainment based. Yes, you love that stuff. I'm obsessed. I don't even know why. I'm not proud of it. I don't think, best of British. Yeah, I love Little and Large. Fucking classy.

They were awful. They really were very bad. Awful. Can I tell you my favourite story about Little and Large? Eddie Large, right? The rotund one. Yes. Big fan of Manchester City. And I don't know if I got all the details right, but here's the story. He went to see Manchester City and I don't know if I got all the details right but here's the story he went to see Manchester City play

because he's a huge fan of them right and at the half time in this football match they were like 2-0 up you know they were beating

whoever this team was so Eddie Large was like I'm going to go down to the dressing room and speak to the team and give them a pep talk so he goes to the manager and goes

I'm Eddie Large off the telly you know me little you know I do all the you he goes to the manager and goes, I'm Eddie Large off the telly, you know, me little, you know, I do all the, you know, me. And the manager's like,

yeah, all right. So Eddie Large goes into the dressing room at halftime, goes to every single player and gives them each a different impression

telling them good luck. So, you know, like, I'm Deputy Dog. I hope you do well. And then, one, one, one, one, one. Goes around the whole thing

and then gives them a pep talk long story short by the end of the match Man City were 3-2 down yeah so they lost yeah good what a bastard

anyway so this is what I went to the YMCA in Southampton they have a great selection of board games there really do

you mean the YMCA charity shop yeah the YMCA charity shop not like the YMCA bumming in the showers doesn't that alright you can have a good time that's what it says You mean the YMCA charity shop? Yeah, the YMCA charity shop. Not like the YMCA bumming in the showers. You can have a good time. That's what it says. You can get nice and clean.

That's what it says. I think you're projecting, mate. I thought that's going on. You're like, I'm fucking... You can have the shower. Jolly Rancher. Whatever. Anyway, so without any further ado, I've picked a board game based on a television.

One of my favourite 80s UK TV shows. And it's this one. Oi! Oi! Bullseye! For people who might be listening in America who have no fucking clue what Balls Eye means, does or whatever, it's a quiz show, right?

Yeah. With teams of contestants. Darts themed quiz show. Darts themed quiz show. The idea would be one would be the person who answers all the general knowledge, all the questions, and the other member of the team would throw darts.

And you'd whittle the three teams down to one and they'd play on a prize board where they threw darts at a board to win a selection of prizes. It was a special board, though. A special board. With only red and black sections and the bullseye.

One in the red, two in the red, one in the red, one in the brown, don't go to town, whatever that one is. Pink, not brown. I don't know what the thing was.

But the idea was, it was weird because it was one of these very Northern British kind of attitude to it, wasn't it? Yeah, it was good fun. Yeah, and so, you know, it was one of these very northern British kind of attitudes to it, wasn't it? Yeah, it was good fun. Yeah, and so it was general knowledge and darts throwing.

Now, to give people who have never seen Bullseye an idea of what was on the special prize board, I've downloaded one of my favourite lists. And this is a genuine list of all the prizes on the board. This is the 80s. So obviously standards were different then. It wasn't like thousands of pounds or luxurious breaks. on the board, right? This is the 80s. So obviously standards were different then. It wasn't like thousands of pounds or, you know, luxurious breaks. So this is the Bully Pride Board.

This is from the 80s. I don't know which episode exactly, but this is a list, just a sample, a random sample of what you could get on Bullseye's prize board. Bully's prize board for you now, boys.

Let's see what he's got for you tonight. In one. Mum can sit there and have a good doze and wake up and find she's got sparkling clothes with this automatic washing machine. In two. When those youngsters come to sum it all up, life will be a lot easier for them with this kiddies computer. In three. Shh, this is for your ears only. It's a personal stereo. In four. Here's something that'll bring you down to earth. It's a super set of garden tools. In five.

Aye, aye, skipper. Put it there, in this pine captain's trunk. Ha-ha, Jim. In six. This prize could be a real catch. It's a complete Anglis kit. In seven. See it, snap it, then see it again, on film, with this Polaroid camera. In seven. See it, snap it, then see it again on film with this Polaroid camera.

In eight. You'll score elevenses out of tenses if you take home with you this coffee maker. And bully special prize. You'll economise on everything except fresh air on this super motor scooter. Oh, motor scooter. What would you like out of that? The angling set, obviously. The captain's trunk chest, which is just a big wooden box.

Yeah. You know, I like the fact that it's, shh, this music's just for you. Full volume, every fucker could hear anything you were listening to on a walk-in in those days. Oh, mate, such great prizes. The thing is, they don't just say, it's a cabinet, it's a washing machine. It's like, we've got to think of a crap gag. So we've got this knives and fork set to sell. All right.

So you'll be cut up if you don't get this prize. It's this knife and fork set. Or I'll give you one. I'll give you an item. You have to come up with a witty gag for it. Let me think. Not as stupid. I'll come up with something that you would have gotten.

Okay. So, okay. A policeman teddy bear. All right. A policeman teddy bear is the prize. What would you say? Let's be having you. Let's be having you.

It's where this bear lives if he is in a house. I'm sorry, Mr. Silverman, you will not be getting the job. So what we're going to do is we're going to play a round of it based on the board game. Now, with the board game you get, again, pictures. Do you like the bits we have on you? It's good, actually. I know, yeah.

Yeah, in fact, if you go online on YouTube, you can find a video of us doing Bullseye live. Remember when we did it at Geekatorium? And there's that whole list of prizes we had. So check that out. I can't remember what it is, but if you put Geekatorium, Bullseye,

and look for that, you'll probably find prize board. You'll probably find it. Anyway, the point being is that we're going to play the board game version. Now, it comes with a dart board, but not a proper dart board. It comes with a magnetic mat and magnetic darts.

And it works quite well. You can throw the darts and do things. So what I'm going to do is the first round. So the board has two sides. Should I go first? Yeah, side one has a dartboard shape. And it's got, I think, 12 categories. One, two, three, four.

It's got 10 categories. And then I get a question. Yeah. So what's going to happen is you're going to throw a dart. You have to tell me what category it is. So can you read them out for me? What are the categories that are on there? The categories we've got are Britain, spelling, people, places, sport, showbiz, affairs, history, books, words.

Interesting. So they're the categories, right? And you can get 30 for the outer ring 50 for the inner ring 10 for the centre ring And the bullseye is I think 200 Yes it is 200 It is

So what's going to happen Is you're going to throw a dart You have to call the category out first Throw it Whatever it lands on You get the point And then if you answer a question right You get a further 30 points

For that answering the question right Okay However if you miss the category You have to answer the one you land on I don't understand these rules. No, basically, if you say people and you end up hitting places instead, you don't get the points on the board,

but you do get 30 points if you get people right. Right, okay. You see? Yes. So, there are dots here. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. That'll do.

All right, so, are you ready at the hockey? I'm ready. I'm here at the hockey. All right, pick a category. What category do you want? People. People, all right. You can't go any further than that chair, so throw the dart, and he's aiming at people. Oh, what's he got?

100 points. 100 points, Jesus! That's really good. Bollocks. All right, here's for your extra 30 points on people. Right. What was the nickname of the German ace Manfred von Richthofen? The Red Baron.

Holy shit. You're on fire, mate. God. All right. Next category. What do you want? I'll go for history. History.

He's going for history. He throws the dart. He's throwing the dart. Yay! What did you get? 50. 50 points. Jesus, for history.

History. What was known as the Moaning Mini during World War II? I'm going to have to rush you. Moaning Mini. A bomb? No, it was an air raid siren. Oh, of course. So no points there.

And your final attack, what do you want it to be? I'll go for books. Books he's going for. Oh, he gets 30 points for that one. On his topic of books, what was Edgar Rice Burroughs' most famous creation? Tarzan. My God, man, you've done very well there. creation? Tarzan.

My god, man. You've done very well there. So, you've got 150, 60, 70, 80, 90, 110, you've got 240 points there. I've got to beat that. I honestly don't think I'm going to be able to beat it. Alright, you have to sit here now.

Okay, so you're ready for your first dart, Paul? Yeah. And what category are you going to go for? I'm going to go with showbiz. Showbiz? It's sliding down, but it's still in there. It's 30 points. 30 points for showbiz. Showbiz.

Your question, Paul. Yes. What type of creature is Brian from the Magic Roundabout? Brian. Brian from the Magic Roundabout. He is... I'm going to have to press you. Is he... He's a snail. He is. I'm going to have to press you. Is he...

He's a snail. He is. Oh, thank God for that. If I didn't get that, I would have been really upset. So put 30 points down there. Okay. Right. Okay, I'm going to go... The next category I'm going to go for is... Words. Words? Yeah. And he's out in the ocky.

It's not words. He's gone in books. So just answer me a question on books. No points then. No points for that. Just books. But you can get 30 points for this now, Paul. You can get 30 points.

Scottish sailor Alexander Selkirk was the inspiration for which Daniel Defoe character? Books. And he was a sailor. Scottish sailor Alexander Selkirk was the inspiration for which Daniel Defoe character? Horatio Hornblower? No. What was the answer? Don't do that! I can't do everything.

Robinson Crusoe. It's the only Daniel Defoe book ever. I don't know. I was thinking of William Defoe. He doesn't write books. Right, no points that round. I can tell you, I've already won. Yeah, I know. Right, no points that round. Right. I can tell you, I've already won. Yeah, I know. I'd have to get 200 points right now. Okay, well, you might

be. I might do. Maybe I'm going to aim for that. I'm going to go with What are you going to go for, Paul? Affairs. Okay, Affairs. Right. And he's at the hockey. He's lining up this shot. Important shot for him. No. 30 points. Okay, 30 points.

Right, okay, I can't win this, but I don't want to go out without a fight. So you want to get this right for dignity. Yeah, for dignity. Consolation. Yeah. So, your question. What do Americans celebrate on July the 4th? Their independence. Independence Day. Yeah.

Yay! I didn't win, but what points did I get? All together? Yep. Yeah. Yay. I didn't win, but what points did I get? Altogether. Yeah. 120. Oh. Bitterly disappointed. Did I win, Paul?

You won. Yeah. Did I say I would? Yeah. Yeah. Bollocks. And with that defeat ringing in my ears, it's time to end another cheap show. OK, well, it's been lovely.

It's been lovely. It's been a lovely show. Nice. Nice. Not cheap to have nice mics. Yeah, it's nice. Lovely little studio here. It's all good. It's all very cosy. And I won. So we'd like you to subscribe to us if you can. We're on iTunes, we're on Stitcher, we're on SoundCloud,

we're on the Prodnos Network, which I highly recommend. Some great shows on there as well as ours Stitcher, we're on SoundCloud, we're on the Prodnos network, which I highly recommend. Some great shows on there as well as ours. Eli, what's your Twitter account? EliSnoid. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And I am... And I check it every two weeks or so.

Yeah, and I am PaulGannonShow. You can follow me there. Also, if you want to go to our website, where all our podcasts are, news and information, some videos from the live shows, all this kind of stuff, you can go to www.thecheapshow.co.uk. And please follow us on the Twitter. Get in touch with us. Send us a picture of the weird stuff you found in charity shops.

And you can follow us at The Cheap Show Pod. I update it every couple of weeks. Cool. I do my best. But basically, yeah, follow us on there. Get involved. Sign up. Cheen up.

Cheen up? Blow the goose. I know. But basically, yeah. Follow us on there. Get involved. Sign up. Cheen up. Cheen up? Blow the goose. I know. Stop blowing the goose. The point being is that follow us. We'd like your involvement. Get in touch with us. Tell us what we can look for, what weird things you've found, what ideas you'd like, and what

you'd like us to cover on the show. We're only as good as your feedback. And if we don't get anything, we will carry on being highly offensive on a weekly basis. Is that all you've got to say, Eli? That's about it. In that case thank you for listening to yet another episode of the

Ecomedy Comedy Podcast. I've been Paul Gannon and I've been Eli Silverman. And don't have nightmares just have great looking hair. Goodbye.