CheapShow - Ep 166: Betrayal in the House of Pickles

Episode Date: February 21, 2020

It was turning out to be a lovely episode, it really way. It begins with the most epic Sauce Report ever reported. Not only do Eli and Paul enthusiastically discuss McDonald's Big Mac Sauce, but plan to make their own. Eli also brings an amazing sauce discovery to the show, and it's a discovery that could blow the whole segment apart! A little later on, Eli is gifted two delightful treats that brings smiles to everyone's faces... And then they played The Price of S**** and it all went wrong. Badly wrong. This is why they can't have nice things. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-166-betrayal-at-the-house-of-pic If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow CheapShow Awards: Vote Here: www.tinyurl.com/cca2020nominate Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

Hello ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman here. Welcome to Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast for your ears. We trawl through charity shops, discount stores, bazaars, bargain basements, jumble sales, and here's my lovely non- I do not like this intro. Adversarial. Boring. You're boring. You're a boring, ugly, hairy man. I'm just trying to be nice. I know. I was trying to be nice and not have a meltdown.

And say something... Say something... Here we go. It's like the Hulk. It is. It's like the Hulk, isn't it? With you. Don't get me frothy.

You won't like me when I'm frothy. Yellow fizz water. Here we go. Yellow fizz water. With hurty pellets. What does that mean? What are you getting at? You know what I'm getting at.

Well, then, how do you explain to Mr. and Mrs. audience? Anyone who suffered from night after drinky poos. Not drinky poos. Drinky. Drinking. Full stop. Drinky poos. Drinky.

Then poos. Poos. No, because some people, people who say holly bobs and stuff go drinky poos. They go for drinky poos. Oh, I had a lovely holly bobs. I had a few drinky poos while Ios. No, because some people, people who say holly bobs and stuff go drinky poos. They go for drinky poos. Oh, I had a lovely holly bobs. I had a few drinky poos while I was there. Die. Die.

Wow. Strike that person down. Die. Rive. Rive. Riven. Smite. Smite them.

Yes. What's rent? Rent. Rent asunder. Rent asunder. That's what I was looking for. Raise them to the ground. Rent them asunder. Hoist That's what I was looking for Raise them to the ground Rent them asunder

Hoist them by their petards Squirty yellow fizz water Fizz with what? Nutty pellets Hurty pellets Hurty pellets So there you go ladies and gentlemen If you've drunk and done too many

Recreational drugs the night before No no no It's just the drinking We'll have squirty yellow fizz plops Whatever it is you just said Mate get it right Okay if you're going to mock me Get it right Squirty yellow fizz plops. Whatever it is you just said. Mate, get it right, okay? If you're going to mock me, get it right. Squirty yellow fizz plops.

Fizz water. Fizz water. It's got a cadence. It's got a rhythm to it, Paul. Squirty water fizz water. Squirty. Squirty. Yellow.

Yellow. Fizz. Fizz. Water. Squirty yellow fizz water with hurty pellets. Yes. Thank you. Welcome to the Chief Show.

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles it's just a fact of chief show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept chief show off-brand brand off-brand brand Cheap Show Cheap Show It's the Price of Shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Bryce of Shite. Paul Gannon.

Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheat Show. And a go and a nuzzle. So on today's show. What's on today's show? I'll be pimping my Unbound book. Yay! No, it's great.

Great, Paul. Great news. It is. you're putting the book out and it looks like there's a lot of interest in people who haven't seen the show and people who are into Ghostbusters. And Ghost Antin. And Ghost Antin. And the stories I have to tell on the subject. I've been Ghost Antin, I didn't see nothing. I am the Ghost Hunter.

Murderer. I am a spiritual gangster. Murderer. Excuse me, Mr. Hunter. Murderer. Who ectoplasm is that? Who ectoplasm is that? Oh, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. That's great, Jim. Who sang that?

Eenie Kamozie. Oh, I think Dr. Earworm strikes again. Arnie Kamozie. Hello, I am Dr. Earworm, and I am here now to put a song into your head. What was the actual earworm from Dr. Earworm today? What was it? McFadden and Whiteheads. Keep on moving, don't...

What's it called? Don't stop having a fight. I'm on the loo. We're on the move. What was the song? Keep on moving, don't stop. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it was.

McFadden and Whitehead, released on the Sound of Philadelphia or TSOP label. Anyway, welcome to the economy comedy podcast. Thank you for joining us. I am Paul. That is Eli. Don't start. You don't have to list the shops. I've done the shops.

I wasn't going to. Did you notice I didn't? Well, fucking don't. I didn't, did I? I didn't. Don't turn this show into fucking you being Keith Harris and I'm your Orville. Oh, mate. That sounds like a romantic.

Come on. You'll be my Orville. So I sit on your lap. Oh, it's... Wearing a nappy. Don't get puppets. Puppets and dogs. Puppets and dogs.

No, no, no. What is coming up on the show, Paul? When you go to a nightclub and you have your rider, do you have a pro bono? Bonio. You know what? Forget it. It's going to do it, dog.

Pro bono. Pro bono. Just those words are funny enough, aren't they? Pro bono. Bonio. You know what? Forget it. It's going to do it, dog. Pro Bono. Pro Bono. Just those words are funny enough, aren't they? Pro Bono. Yeah. No, I'm Pro Bono. I'm not a big fan of the edge, but I'm Pro Bono. Yes.

Thank you. Yes. Hot shit. Hot. Gags aplenty. Gagstopper. Remember him? He didn't come, did he?

Because he didn't need to stop that gag. No, it's character stopper, wasn't it? Isn't he the character killer? He comes and kills characters. No, he's a gagstopper. Punstopper remember him he didn't come did he because he didn't need to stop that gag no it's character stopper wasn't it isn't he the character killer he comes and kills characters no he's a gagstopper punstopper yeah here comes the punstopper

murder horror Dr. Eavon strikes again no that is he had some good tracks Kamozi yeah

that was his only crossover that was like a big hit wasn't it well here comes the hot stepper yeah I don't know that was a big hit I don't know too much bit of a one hit wonder and what's that na na na na na na na

come from na na na na na na na na na na na that's not does he do it like that now does he do it like that isn't it night of a thousand dances but that's got a really interesting uh genesis because that wasn't night of a a Thousand Dances by Wilson Pickett. Yeah. His version is the best version of that song. But it's not his song. It was done by other people. Right.

And that chanting, that figure, whatever you call it. Na, na, na, na, na. That came from all sorts of different songs. It's just been like a popular riff that's bounced around. Yeah, that came to a head in the Land of a Thousand Dances. And it's interesting because the Land of a Thousand Dances is about all the dances. Yeah.

Do this dance, do that dance. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but he doesn't do a thousand dancers, does he, in the song? He does about five. He does about five. But I guess Land of the Five Dancers doesn't have the same ring to it. What a shame. But that was the time when if you tried to do it now,

you'd say, do the, you know, be landed, do the dab, do the floss. Oh, do the Gangnam Style. Gangnam Style. Yeah. But do you know that thing about all the new dance crazes these days are all stationary dances where the feet don't move? And you know the reason for that? No.

Because they all come from Fortnite and similar games where you buy these skins and you buy the character doing the dance. and for those games to work you can't have for example a character your character on the edge of a cliff yeah it moves a bit doing the dance and he falls off the cliff so they all have to be stationary so they're all bolted they're all bolted to the ground all those ones if you think about it the floss is stationary isn't it and oh that one that's the floss that's what i'm talking about you don't move your legs. But no one dances anymore, really, do they? Of course they dance.

No one goes to nightclubs and goes, oh, I'm going to dance. Mate, the amount of people DJing, tails from the dance floor. Oh, interrupt you, O'Nate. The amount of, just more of a report, but we're getting to that. That's fine. Yeah, people, over the last couple of years,

since the floss came out, you see people do it. Yeah, but they do it ironically. They don't do it really, though. but they then they start sort of doing it really no no no no no no look at this i'm doing the floss i'm singing night of the thousand dancers but he doesn't like a fucking pillow that's not how hot stepper goes is it oh it's sort of but he does it in a kind of reggae well it's slowed down but it's still the same it's a that is a good top tune and he had some other really quality it's sort of like a almost a kind of reggae rhythm. Well, it's slowed down, but it's still the same. That is a good top tune. And he had some other really quality.

It's sort of like an almost hip-hop reggae crossover. Yes. His style, isn't it? Wait. He did well, which was big at the time. I believe there's a source report flying in right now. Are we doing the source report now? It's coming in right now.

It's hot shit. No, I was going to do it now. Source report. It's coming in. No, hang on. You can't do the source report. I meant to do the source report. It's coming in my ear right now, mate.

I had to. What's coming in your ear? The source report. My source? Yes. Yes. Am I spanking in your ear? Just to be clear. Am I going to josh my broth off into your ear hole?

Yes. All spooge, it's a fucking aral cream pie. You'll be blasting your sticky cannon down my ear canal. Right. Do you want the source report now? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I want it now because I want to start off with the news about McDonald's. Can I just, can I initially?

Yes. You can formally launch the source report now. Hello, welcome to Source Report. We're embedded in the Cheap Show pod. Hello, Paul. Hello, Eli. All right. I believe you've got some breaking Source Report news for us.

Yes, I'm just going to double check my facts now by use of the internet. And hang on. Right, hang on. We're all on centre hooks here. going to double check my facts now by use of the internet and i'm gone right i'm gone we're all on center hooks here bear with me the news is coming in i'll just try and fill in for you sources are good sources i like sources uh this just in other people like sauces you can put sauce on other foods but also can be drunk straight from sauce bottles all squirted into your mouth from a sachet right squirt the sauce straight in your gobble right do do do do do do do do do this was reported

in the daily mirror on valentine's day mcdonald's fans stock up on big mac sauce but spot major issue with the pots mcdonald's customers are thrilled to discover that they could get their hands on pots of big mac sauce. What's your feeling on that? I think that's the best sauce they do. And people are stocking up. They're literally... So basically McDonald's have said, right, we're going to sell our McDonald's Big Mac sauce separately in pots. That's just...

That's a revolutionary step in sauce technology. That's a no-brainer. I'm surprised they haven't done it sooner. Well, there's this whole weird thing that McDonald's have with sauces. The amount of times I've been in McDonald's and people have gone, they've got their burger or whatever, and then they say, can I have a mayonnaise? Yeah. And they go, no, mayonnaise, please. No.

Why? They do not stock mayonnaise. But they have it on the- They have it on their chicken burgers and stuff. Yeah. But they do not, just like the Big Mac sauce up till now, they haven't- Cross-bred it, cross-pollinated it with any of the brands. But you know, like in, for example, Burger King,

you can just get Heinz sachets. Yes. You know, you can get mayonnaise sachets. You can't get HP. They don't do that. They don't do that in McDonald's. Don't do HP. They don't do HP, for example.

But mayonnaise is much more of a universal condiment, isn't it? The universal condiment. It is. Right, let me read the article. This week, for the first time, McDonald's customers have been able to get their hands on the saucepots. 50 mils for 50p. Basically, what I'm thinking is the same as the sort of posh sauces that you have to get their hands on the sauce pots. 50 mils for 50p.

Basically, what I'm thinking is the same as the sort of posh sauces that you have to pay extra unless you get Chicken Select. Right. Do I know too much about McDonald's? Yes. The pots were on sale February 12th, and the customers quickly began stocking up on the tasty stuff. But people who have purchased it soon noticed that there was one major issue with the sauce,

reports the Manchester Evening News. Sauce reports. This. The sauce reports. This is a sauce reports report. According to McDonald's fans on social media, each pot states that the sauce should be consumed on the day of purchase. This is bad news for people who have been stocking up. However, what really confused people was that, as well as this detail, the sauces also have an expiry date,

which says best before April. One baffled customer who spent £10 on a bag full of sauce. Now we can work it out. How much does it retail for? 50p. 50p. 50 for a pot of... Yeah, so that would be...

10 would be... 20. 20 of them. He bought 20 pots for a tenner. He tweeted, says eat on day of purchase, but has best before date of April. Hey, listen, moron. I can explain the mystery right now. Yeah.

It means if you open it, you have to finish it on the day of purchase. Otherwise, it's best before fucking June or whatever. Milk says that as well. Yeah. Or fruit. Hello? Hello? Simple act of fucking deduction.

You know, it must mean that. A different user said, i got eight pots but then realized it states it has to be used on the day of purchase you moron and then he goes oops lol so i got so donald's have since confirmed what the best thing to do is and it's actually neither of these things a spokesman says the 50 mil pot have a seven day shelf life right not everyone has gotten quite so worried about the best before dates, though. Others just can't stop raving about how good the special sauce is. Mate, have you ever left a McDonald's product out?

They never go off. They're eternal. Well, it's like, what was that fast food film that came out? The member that guided documentary that lived off McDonald's. Yeah. Supersize me. Yeah. Supersize me.

And then it was like, after the end of the month, oh, my liver's really bad. It's because he was an alcoholic. But didn't didn't he put like some french fries in a jar and then like they were like perfect for like six months yeah they do weird stuff to their food that keeps forever the sauce is not gonna do you know what i mean if it's got a best before that's it it's got a best before and do you know what a best before isn't even a used by so there is no the shelf life it's not gonna be at it's know, this is all meaningless. And who's going to fucking like... I've got sachets down here

of stuff that have been there for years. I'll eat them, I'll suck them straight down. Anyway, we're going to... Also... I want to end with this quote. You're not ending the source report here. No, I'm ending this story with this quote.

I have a special, special source report. All I'm saying is I want to end the article with this quote. Can I? And then we can move on. I just have one point to make about old ketchup after that.

You'll be allowed to after this quote. Okay. Right. One final Twitter user says, Making the sauce available as a dip is the best thing you've ever done. This is the condiment I've always wanted and needed in my life. We stan Big Mac sauce. What a tragic fucking story.

So let's go from one loser's opinion to another. Now, Paul, can I just, you know, you may mock that guy. I am. And I did. He is pathetic. Yes. But he is right. What do you mean he's right?

That is the best condiment that they have there. It's a unique thing that gives their burger. At McDonald's, yes. Yeah, all right. At McDonald's is maybe the best condiment they have. But what is it? What is it? It's essentially.

Is it mayo and ketchup? Essentially. It's a Mary Rose, but I think it has some kind of gherkin-y thing in it. All right. It's almost like a... I always thought it was slightly peppery. Yeah.

It's slightly different. My friend makes his own burger sauce. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does. And he chops very chopply, finely chopped...

Chopply, chopply. Come on. Very finely chopped gherkins he puts in, plus mayo, plus ketchup. Yeah. And I think some spices. There are recipes online to make your own ketchup. Shall I see if there's one right now? You make your point and I'll look it up.

Okay. My other point was, they talk about sauces going off and stuff. My great-grandmother was a great cook and she would always start a stop for a casserole or something that she was doing in a pan with fermented ketchup like she'd save the old ends of bottles of ketchup bottles and then it sort of dries out and ferments slightly and it gives stuff a great flavor so do you know what i mean yeah people are just they treat sauces differently people are just are too hung up if something's got a best before date

essentially it means you can eat it forever do you know what I mean there's a it's not a used a used by is a used by yeah best before just means

best before yeah so what it hasn't eat on day of purchase but it's best before so okay

there's an article on lifehacker.com about Big Mac sauce okay a few years ago there was a leaked recipe, and it was basically a long list of oil, corn syrup, stabilizers, emulsifiers, flavorings, and preservatives. Yeah, I mean, it's...

As you'd expect. It's a complete concoction, isn't it? But here is what a lady called Kelly Brinker created a recipe. She's a cook blogger, and basically it's not exactly Thousand Island dressing, but it's very similar. Yes, which has got some garlic in, I believe. There is a it's not exactly Thousand Island dressing, but it's very similar. Which has got some garlic in, I believe. There is a bit of garlic in Thousand Island. Well, let's just see what the recipe is. Russian is Thousand Island with a bit of garlic.

This is deeply interesting to me. This blogger says that they made a batch themselves to taste and verify this recipe, and here is the recipe, should you wish to make your own Big Mac sauce. I might want to. So, half a cup of mayonnaise. Fair enough. That's the universal condiment, isn't it?

Four teaspoons of sweet pickle relish. Told you. No, you didn't. When did you? What do you think sweet pickle relish... And why am I being corrected by something I don't care or know about? What do you think pickle relish is, my friend? Finely chopped gherkins.

Like a chutney. Gherkin chutney. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's a gherkin chutney. Thank you. I love that you've said that as well. Say it again. Gherkin chutney. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's a gherkin chutney. Thank you. I love that, that you've said that as well. Say it again.

Gherkin chutney. Don't touch yourself when you do it. I'm not. I'm rubbing my thigh. He's rubbing his knobby. I'm nowhere near my knobby. He's rubbing his chutney knobby. Right, so mayonnaise, pickle relish, one teaspoon of white vinegar.

Yeah. One eighth teaspoon of salt., one eighth teaspoon of salt, two tablespoons of French dressing, one tablespoon of finely minced white onion, and then one teaspoon of sugar. No ketchup? No. It's dumped all the ingredients into a bowl,

stirred and left in the fridge overnight. Paul? I admit that it looked the part and it tasted very special. He puts the emphasis on very, but the only real difference being that there are no

actual onion pieces in the McDonald's version. Yes, that's true. And it's just like my friends, there's no gherkin pieces in it. A plus cloner McDonald's sauce, it

says here. I'm going to do that. Yeah? I think we should, as a sauce reporting... Special. Yeah, we should do that.

We should make our own Big Mac sauce. Even if that doesn't taste exactly like Big Mac sauce, that sounds like a fucking excellent sauce. Yeah. Doesn't it? Anyway, now you have your Big Sauce report news.

Now, Paul. Yeah. I am tumescent with expectations. Now, we may have reached the end of not only the sauce report. No, no. Come on, get serious. All right. We may have reached the end. Of that report. Well, no, we've reached the end of that report. That bit of the report. No, no. Come on, get serious. All right. We may have reached the end.

Of that report. Well, no, we've reached the end of that report. That bit of the report. Thank you. Did some good source reporting there. You saw it, you said it, and you source reported it. I did create the section. All right, yeah.

I'm not going to say that. Look, it's not... I'm not going to fight that. No. It's not about who created the source report. It's about the source report being true to itself. Yes. Yeah?

And continuing. Yes. it's not about who created the source report it's about the source report being true to itself and continuing but this is an item that might end the source, not only the source report forever, is this the nuclear option it is, or it might end all of everything in a philosophically real way so are you ready? This is big news

can you imagine what item I'm going to get out? Is this the end of all? The end of all. Is it a massive bottle shaped glass in the shape of a massive penis filled with the spoth of a hundred fat men? Why is it always? Why are they fat?

What difference does it make? How could you tell from looking at some spoth whether the guy was overweight? It's got a real marabou jelly consistency to it. No, no. Stop it. It looks like bubble tea. You know what I mean? Oh, come on.

You nicked that off me. Don't care. I said my poo looked like bubble tea before we started. Before I went with the yellow fizz water. I don't remember that. Before I went with yellow fizz water with hurty pellets. I love that. Anyway, I don't know.

Are you ready? Outside of a man-made jar of love sauce, I don't know. And inside of a man-made jar of love sauce, it's too dark to see. Yes, it's true. Okay. I've closed my eyes. I don't know why. I have a sauce here.

Yeah. It's a big, big, big name sauce. It's a big boy sauce. It's a big boy sauce it's a big boy sauce do do do do do do sauce report what is this matt mang thomas's all-purpose sauce it's all purpose sauce so not only is it a sauce don't fucking snack like a child give me that fucking sauce back i just want to have a very quick look at the ingredients okay no fish there no fish paul no we'll be tasting the all-purpose sauce. But I'll be honest, I've never heard of a sauce before with...

Which has all purposes. With breadcrumbs in. Oh, yeah. Tarama salata. So what? Do you know tarama salata? Tarama salata is a fish sauce, isn't it? It's more of a dip than a sauce, strictly speaking.

But it is made with cod roe, lemon juice, and breadcrumbs. Ta-ra, my salata. That's what you say when you vomit after you've had it. Ta-ra, my salata. You eat a big salad in a Greek restaurant, and then you vomit. You go, ta-ra, my salata. This is all-purpose sauce, Paul, which means it works with everything. And in fact, meat, fish, veg, salad.

Go wider. Go wider in your scope. Gape wider in your scope. Human flesh. You can eat it with anything, but it's all-purpose, Paul. What does all-purpose mean? All purposes. Any purpose in the universe that you could imagine in in the past or the future, all purposes.

This is what I mean about it being the end of the universe. No, but they are all source-based. This is God. No, but these are all... This is all purpose, all meaning. No, this is all... No, it's saying the source has all purposes. It doesn't have all purposes.

It fulfills all purposes. I could go around my life and use this for all purposes. Someone goes, sign your name. Splodge of this. Someone goes, make love to me. Stick that up them. Someone says, oh, I want to give you a job. Can you come for an interview? It's just a formality. Plot that down.

All purposes. But what does it do? It fulfills any purpose you like. If I want to cure all racism on the planet. It can do it. It's God. It's all-purpose sauce. But how do I apply sauce to racism?

How does it work? Well, you just shake it around like a magic totem. Anyway, we're going to taste this. Now, what part of the world, I wonder, is this from? That was my question. Where does it originate? Now, do the Philippines have ketchups and mayonnaise? I presume they do, right?

Yes, but they have a lot of... It's an all-purpose sauce. They have a lot of fermented fish sauces, like fish sauce, and they have that baby shrimp sauce. So I checked because I wanted you to taste this. But doesn't sauce come from... There is no fish in this, Paul, so you will not suffer from the allergic reaction.

Can I ask a question, though? From my memory, doesn't all sauce originate from soups? It kind of got to the point where like soups were reduced and juice made sweeter and sweeter and eventually this is news to me this sauce report is incredible

there's been a fucking theory of the origin of sauce I read a story about the history of ketchup and why ketchup was ketchup right and it's a long story

they reckon it started as a soup as a tomato soup and they thought of taking out the meat as it became more expensive and adding more sauces and spices to it, more ingredients.

Yeah. Until eventually there was no meat in soup. It was just a thick sauce. Yes. Very sweet sauce. And that's how it became. I would need more information to back those claims up. There definitely was almost like a point where sauces and soups maybe diverged. Yeah. If you're thinking of it evolutionarily.

Like Homo sapiens and you know. And our nearest chimpanzees. the many stages of sauce yeah who knows though but if you go back 500 years they didn't have bottle of sauces did they no maybe they did they had anchovy stuff the romans didn't they they had anchovy stuff how many minutes have we done quite a lot this is the biggest intro i've ever done now look i, I've prepared for this source report. We're going to taste this all-purpose sauce. Now Paul, there were two versions

of this all-purpose sauce. I know it doesn't seem real. How could there be another sauce that is also all-purpose? It's like adding infinity to infinity, isn't it?

You can't have all purposes here and then all other purposes. You've already encompassed all purposes. It's all- purpose fucking sauce. You're right. I think this sauce has broken the format.

You know what I mean? It's the end of sauce. It's the end of everything. Every purpose is now filled by Mang Thomas's all purpose sauce. There was another one which was hot and spicy. Okay. But I've gone for the plain because it's more pure. So hot and spicy all purpose sauce.

Yes. Right. So therefore it's not an all purpose sauce. Exactly all-purpose sauce. Yes. Right. So therefore, it's not an all-purpose sauce. Exactly. That's what I mean. You've fucked up. You can't be all-purpose if there's another one

which is hot. Another all-purpose sauce. Yeah. It can't be. How can you have two anyway? It's fucking making my head explode. But you know what? It's the paradox

of all-purpose sauces. The problem is this is probably just a name, a generic name they've given to the generic sauce known in the Philippines that they would put on a bit of everything. Yes, it's a translation thing, isn't it?

Yeah, of course. It's just, it's always... It's like they probably just said pasta sauce, and that was always how it was known, pasta sauce, I'll have that sauce. Past that sauce? Yeah, like there's a... No, pasta sauce is pasta...

Oh. Spaghetti sauce, is that what you're talking about? Oh, no. You've gone down the wrong route there with that one you tried to say. No, no. Spaghetti sauce. Is that what you're talking about? Oh no. You've gone down the wrong route with that one you tried to say. Pass the sauce.

Pass the P-A-S-S-T-H-E Pass the sauce. Sauce. S-A-U-C-E not S-O-U-R-C-E. Alright? What?

Sauce report. Where did things come from originally? Philippines. Yes. It's the sauce sauce report. This is the best sauce report ever. Philippines. Yes. It's the sauce, sauce report. This is the best

sauce report ever. I've come. Creamy, creamy, panty sauce. Jacob's cream crackers. Now those are a cracker.

This is an all-purpose sauce, Paul, so they're going to go together. Yeah. That's a neutral sort of, pass me a cracker.

I'm going to do my best to open the pack as described on the side where it says tear here. Now, what do you think all-purpose sauce could be? I think it might be quite sweet, maybe. Sweet and tangy.

A bit tangy. I don't know. I've got a cracker here. Good old Jacob's Cream Cracker. You got a cracker ready? Cheap. 90p for one of those, isn't it? Or half a pack, 40 on p. Yeah. All very cheap. And this all-purpose sauce, seeing as it does every purpose known to man, that you could possibly imagine stretching into the future. Don't worry, love.

I don't need protection. I poured all-purpose sauce all over my dirty knob end. Yeah, I mean, yeah. It obviously could do that. No, it couldn't. It could act as a contraceptive. I don't think so. It could be a doctor.

Not only could it be a contraceptive, but if you did get pregnant, it could deliver the baby. Oh, look. What's going on? It's very viscous. Not only could it be a contraceptive, but if you did get pregnant, it could deliver the baby. Oh, look. What's going on? It's very viscous. It's very thick. It's brown. It's a viscous brown sauce.

With a slight green tint to it. Yes. I'm just trying to mix it. Oh, it's got... Oh, it's very chunky. Oh, my God. Have you ever had this before? No.

Really? No. I thought you knew all your sauces. That's why I'm excited about this, Paul. Now, this is new to me. Paul says it's going to be umami. I think it might go for a sweet thing. You might be right.

It might be kind of like chili peppery kind of thing. Shall I get the huff on? Yeah, huff, please, Mr. Silverman. It's kind of vinegary. Garlicy, vinegary I'm getting. Yeah. All right, let's have some. I'll let you go first.

Now, you've got to be careful with it because it's all chunky and you don't have another incident you're not like your mayo incident no it wasn't mayo was it what was it yum yum sauce oh yeah i still got that you still polygamy in your bed as well no come on no no i i know i don't i know you probably still change my sheet since i spilt yum yum sauce on it. Now, what's the viscosity is high. Oh, it's very thick. It's chunky almost. Oh, it's very jelly. Is that because it's the top of it and it's a bit...

No. See, you know what I learned in America as well? It's a very viscous sauce, almost like a jelly. You know, like ketchup, you have to pat it on the back. Apparently, that's the wrong way to do it. The way I was told was to hold it by the base and then tap the bottle on the bottom of the hand. So you do it like that and it comes out.

Careful you don't splodge the saucer. It's going to come in. It's out. It's coming. It's coming out. Drippy drip drip. There you go. But you see?

See how that works? It's very good. It's much more controllable, isn't it? I always do that thing where you stick a knife down the neck and then that works as well. A bit uncivilised. Okay, shall we try this?

I'm going to take a little wee bite right now. Here we go with the all-purpose sauce. Oh, God, that's not very nice. That is absolutely fucking horrible. It is sweet, isn't it? It's sweet. It's a little bit... Nothing.

There's nothing to it. It's all right, mate. You've tasted it. You've done your... You've done your fair diligence. Uh-oh. You've done your fair diligence. Do you need a glass of water?

It's okay. It's not that bad. It's kind of sweet. There's not much flavour to it. It's kind of sweet. Oh, God. It's just sort of... It's sugary. Oh, God. It's sugary and savoury. It's a of sweet. Oh, God. It's just sort of... It's sugary. Oh, God.

It's sugary and savoury. It's a bit like a brown sauce. No. It's more like a ketchup-y chutney kind of thing. Yeah. Marks that 10 for the last sauce of all time. 2. What a way to go. I'll go 2.5. I didn't think it was that bad. I can't imagine what other purposes you're going to have with that. What purposes? What does it say?

It doesn't say anything. Well, it doesn't have to say anything because it says all purpose. Fair enough. You know what I mean? Right, can we end the source report now? 30 minutes is quite long for an intro to the show, Eli. Do-do-do-do. Thank you for listening to the source report. Thank you for listening to what might be the most epic source report you've ever heard.

So to conclude the all purpose sauce is a sauce you can't eat with anything not everything no everything all purpose you can't eat it with anything the purpose is

not to eat it with anything there you go but you can't still splash it all over your cock if you want it probably wouldn't sting so bad would it

because it's quite neutral neutral neutral it gets sticky after a while if you left it out in wouldn't sting so bad, would it? Because it's quite neutral. Neutral, neutral. It gets sticky after a while. If you left it out in the sun, it would go all gooey.

It's very jelly. It's a thick sauce. It's a thick sauce. It's a thick sauce. it's obviously had an effect on us, so we're going to have to cleanse our palates

somewhat with a nice game of Price of Shy. Price? But before we get there, it would be remiss of me not to send to you what I was sent from event for you. Oh, I've got a little. Event sent us some magazines that we had to sign for people who have purchased them with a signature from her website.

Could be worth a bit, couldn't it? Maybe. In a few years time. Cheap mag. Get the nod from ITV. Dot shop. Oh, God, I can't believe I said that. Yeah, you wank.

Right. So would you like? dot shop. Oh God, I can't believe I said that. Yeah, you wank. Right. So, so would you like, I would like the gift she sent to you. I would like, I would like. No,

it's a two part gift. Two part, two segments. Two, they're not modular. They're just two presents, but two separate presents. So no way related

in a modal way. No, here's one. Is it a poultice oh me abc rasa i am bawang this is a noodle yeah not just a bunch of things you just said randomly onion chicken flavor oh interesting because we tasted the onion chicken one didn't we did we we did we tasted the indomie onion chicken one which you remember was a stir-fried style. Oh, yes.

We did on the plate. In fact, in the last episode of Eli's... Noodle kitchen thing. Noodle urban kitchen legend. Test lab. Test lab kitchen. Box. Noodle box.

Go on. We had the Indomie one, but this also looks like a soup. Oh, this is a soup one. Interesting. The flavour can work as a soup noodle or a stir-fried style one. So there's more broth. There is broth.

Broth one, you know, rather than broth zero. Not more broth. I mean, there's 100% more broth. I mean, there's... No, there's not 100% more broth. Where there was no broth... What the fuck's happening to your brain?

I just want to say this. Where there was no broth, What the fuck's happening to your brain? I just want to say this. Where there was no broth, now there is broth. Yes. Yes. Now there is broth. Thank you. There's a t-shirt.

I'll be eating that. Should we taste it? We could taste it on the next one. We could do it on the next. I'm also talking of different brand variants

of noodle flavours. Yes. Oh, it's a fucking noodle. I don't know if you remember, but you liked, we did a sesame paste one. Oh, yes. I like those ribbons. Yeah.

This is the same noodle, different brand. Oh, but same flavour. In exactly the same way that this meat ABC branded onion chicken flavour noodle is the same flavour as the Indomie one. All right. But a different brand. Yeah. Well, there you go. Thank you. Here's the next one. This one I But a different brand. Yeah. Well, there you go. And here's... Thank you.

Here's the next one. This one I think you're going to be really tickled by. Oh. Ooh. Oh, mate. It's a wind-up noodle cup. It's a noodle cup on wheels. Yes.

It's a little vehicle noodle cup type thing. I'm really into this. This is your favourite episode ever, isn't it, today? This is... Sausage pour, Big Mac sauce, noodles... Come on, I deserve it. No, you fucking don't. All the dog fucking stuff.

All right, yeah. Yeah, come on. You laid that ladle down. I'm going to retire the Eli fucks dogs meme. Meme, I guess. It's not really. Oh, I need some scissors. Could you pass the meters hook?

Are they there? Oh, I found them. I'm going to open this carefully because I might want to keep the box on this it's a nice little box isn't it it comes in

it's a lovely little box pictures of the things we talk about will be on our website thecheapshot.co.uk it's a cup noodle which is apt because that

as we both know was the original instant noodle before this package stuff that you get now no but it's the brand it's Nissan and it's the guy

who invented instant noodle that was the first product was Cup Noodle, but I don't know if it was in a cup or it was a flat pack. I think the flat packs came later. I think that was the first ever. It came in a cup before it came in a little bag thing. I don't know that for sure. I'd be interested

to find out if anyone knows. Well, maybe someone can reach out to us and tell us. Oh God, I can't get into this. I can fix it. You've got a box cutter. I've got me box cutter. That's it. Here come the box cutter. Slice you up. Here we go... Oh, God, I can't get into this. I can fix it. You've got a box cutter. I've got me box... That's it. Here comes the box cutter. Slice you up.

Here we go. Oh, nice. And I can just make a little incision. Oh, Paul. This is all just going so well today. Slice it open. Thank you. I'm slicing it open.

I'm gone. I'm going to do it carefully because I don't want to damage the box. Here we go. It's glued well, isn't it? It's very well glued. There we go. There we go. I'll let you do the rest.

Oh, peel it out. Right, I'm going? It's very well glued. There we go. There we go. I'll let you do the rest. Peel it. Oh, peel it out. Right, I'm going to put the box cutter away. Put it away. I don't think I'm legally allowed to carry this around with me, am I? You are. You're allowed. It's like a pen knife. It's like a pen knife.

It was 50p in Poundland because it was on a sale. Well, it's a handy thing, isn't it? It is very handy. Especially if you're someone like you who's receiving packages a lot and sending stuff That is actually the reason why I did it. I like to cut up packages with a box cutter. This is so, I almost don't want to open it because it's so mint on card. Well, you know, it's mintish on cardish.

It's got a little sticker with it. Has it? Yeah. For the car or just a little sticker separate? Just a separate sticker. No, it does. It says you're meant to put this little sticker here on the cup in the place it tells you. Right.

Should we do that then? Picture of it without the sticker on. Oh, the sticker. This is a fantastic item that will have pride of place on my... Shelf of interesting items. Shelf of interesting items. This is so excellent. Honestly, it is literally a fucking cup noodle on wheels.

Yeah. So what are we meant... I don't want to fuck up the sticker. Also, I don't want to... Oh, it opens. Look. There you go. You can see the noodles.

There's prawns in there. Can I investigate it? I just want to have a little investigation. This is a... It's got a little window at the front for the man to drive. Or lady. Or whatever. Anyone can drive it.

There's little doors at the side, little wheels. It's made by Tomica, which I want to say is the company that Tomi... I don't think it is. I think they're a different company. Mate, it says Tomi. This is a Tomi product. Nissen Cup Noodles, Tomica. I think Tomica make their die-cast toys.

Oh, God! This is the best show ever! This is fantastic. Tomi, Paul, calm down. Ah, that was a fantastic item. Thank you, Yvonne, very much. This is the best show we've ever done, even if it's not really.

No, it's not really. It's not really. I started out in a really glum mood, and right now I'm cocking up. I'm proper cocking up. You're going to like the price of shite as well, Paul. Stop making that noise. Can I just ask you to stop making that noise? Can as well, Paul. Stop making that noise. Can I just ask you to stop making that noise?

Can I just ask you to stop making any noise you ever say that you like? At least, what noise? Name a noise I always make. Pissy, flap, flaps, boo, poo, bum, bum, kissy, licky, fanny, fanny, flap, flap. Licky, fanny, licky, licky. All the nonsense stuff you say. At least my nonsense has a range. You just say...

I don't say anything. All I do is relax my cheek, shake my head, and force some sound out, and then make the sound... It's very simple, Mr. Silverman. You love that, don't you? I do.

Right, so we need to put the sticker on. That's the last thing we need to do. Let me investigate. It doesn't have any instructions in English. I think the sticker is to cover up the screw hole at the side. This is made by Tomy. Yes. Fucking hell, that's excellent.

So, look, the sticker. I've got the wow up there in good condition. It's better displayed up there. Oh, mate, and I told you about the new Tomy thing. There's a Tomy thing. We're going to use it on a digitizer video because it's such a visual thing. It's like a labyrinth thing, is it? But is it a competition?

Do you play against others? No, it's a bit like Scrooble Scramble. You're against the timer. Or a labyrinth. Or a labyrinth, yeah. So others? No, it's a bit like Screwball Scramble. You're against the timer. Or a labyrinth. Or a labyrinth, yeah. So it's like, it's how quickly, so it's a big maze

that you rock and roll. But it's against the time you have to do it. Yeah, and it's got like a maze and automated lift bits and spinning dials. But Screwball Scramble was timey as well, wasn't it?

Yeah. They've got a monopoly on all those things. They just make fucking great toys. This is great. Now, Eli, so we can move on. This sticker covers up the screw hole at the side of the car.

So you know on one side of the car there's a little screw hole? This. This sticker will cover that. Okay. Would you like me to apply it? Yes. All right, I'm going to do this for you. Right, here we go.

Now, I've watched a few restoration videos. So you're an expert now. I've watched odd tinkering. All right, what are you going to do that's different from what I would do, putting that sticker on? I'll tell you what I'm going to fucking do. You're going to cut it out first? No.

He's getting some kind of tool out of his fucking... I'm getting my box cutter out again. He's got his box cutter out again. What are you going to... I'm going to take the... and use the blade to carefully lift the sticker. Look. Carefully lift the sticker.

Like I see in the videos. It's a listen cup noodle. Look, Eli. I'm applying this now. Literally a combination of two of my favourite Japanese companies in one item. I'm applying the sticker. He's doing it. Oh, I fucked it.

Don't let it... Take it off again, yeah. It's fine. I'll just use my fingers. It's going to be better with your fingers, I think. Sorry. I'm applying the sticker now. Stick it down.

Slowly. Here we go. That's about right. I can't make it any better than that. Good. I'll be happy. Whatever sticker now. Stick it down. Slowly. Here we go. That's about right. I can't make it any better than that. Good. I'll be happy. Whatever, Paul. Hand it back.

Just be careful because obviously there's a hole behind it so you could puncture it if you're not careful. Well, it's going to be on display. Are you happy with that, the way I've done it? You can't tell. It just looks like a pot noodle now. Cup noodle. I'm going to put it up there now.

There'll be pictures of that on our website. Don't you worry, ladies and gentlemen. I'll put it back in the box for now then, shall I? Well, what an exciting segment. Thank you very much. Ten minutes in. Now, let's finally start the Price of Shite. And would you like to do the honours?

Oh, I'm doing the theme tune? Yeah. The jingle? Yeah, go on, mate. I don't want to do it. You don't? I feel on the spot now. All right, I'll do it then.

It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the I'll do it then. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, Okay, can't He's rubbing himself He's doing a shuffle on the seat Shuffling I've got so much energy I don't know what to do with it It's coming out of my hands Okay

It's coming out of my other hands Now, I have A small dick One, two, three, four, five, six, seven items Seven items Right Seven? Yes

Think of the betwings Think of the betwing bounty you could be going home with. Oh, bounty. A bounty of Petwings. A bounty of Petwings. In some kind of modular. So are we going to do seven items then? Petwing holder.

We're going to do a seven item prize of choice. Imagine a Petwing holder that had different sections that slotted together in a modular fashion. Like a Petwing belt. We'll see how we go. A Petwing belt. Yeah, but modular. You know like gun belts with the belt. We'll see how we go. A betwing belt. Yeah, but modular. You know like gun belts with the bullets.

All the betwings in. All the betwings. You could just get them out. Yeah, put one in. Betwing. Give me a betwing. Now, we'll see. But basically,

it's the classic rules of Price of Shite. If you haven't listened before, the Price of Shite is a game we play where we guess, essentially, the prices of shite.

You can score. I have purchased these items. Only I know the prices of shite you can score i have purchased these items only i know the prices of this shy system items and paul does not know he will attempt to guess the prices of the shy sisters why are you suddenly turning into fucking andy circus as the hobbit the prices of the shy tisses and then he gets award points in our vernacular they're known as

petwings they are petwings no points in this show only petwings okay what are those things they're the petwings if he gets it on the nose

which is the exact price of the item petwing petwing it's a two petwing situation if he gets it 25p either side of the actual paid price. Under or over.

It's a petwing. Just the one petwing. That's it. It's the basic rules. That's all we're doing. Yeah, just for now. I'm going to keep it simple. So that means there's a possible 14 petwings.

Um, no. Right, okay. Some of the items are in groups, which are all the same price. So I'll just want you to... We'll take it by a per-twing by-twing basis. There are only... If you include the groups, there are four items. So that is...

Eight per-twings. Eight possible per-twings. Right. Okay. Yes. Do you want to do that thing where you get the overall price of all the items combined? Correct. That's three per-twings, yeah?

Yeah. Three per-twings. Between, between, between. No, that's only if they're in the right order. If I put the prices in the right order. Do you wantings, yeah? Yeah. Three per twings. Between, between, between. No, that's only if they're in the right order. If I put the prices in the right order. Do you want to do that? Yeah. You rank them.

No, I don't think you should rank them. Let's just keep it simple. All right. Sometimes too much per twings are bad. Yeah, there's too many per twings. You can't have too much of a good per twing. I'm showing you your first item. It's a bad per twing.

I'm showing your first item to you now. This has got the price. So let me just snip the price off quickly. Just to show you that it's all above board. There is the actual price on the other side of that. I'm not going to change that. No. I'm not going to attempt to do anything with that.

I'm snipping the price off now, Paul. Great. It's on a little string. There it is. There it is. Now, you've seen me put it there. Yes. I haven't done anything with that.

You can see that. Yes. And here it is. Because this is a real link with the last item from event. It is a cheap plastic taxi rickshaw. Tuk-tuk. Tuk-tuk. It is very poorly made and cheap.

And it has Green India written on the side and little stickers. There's stickers with that as well. Is that blue or black? Black. The bottom of the chassis is black and the roof is yellow. Don't you think it's quite charming? It has got a charm to it. Imported by Marbles Toys and Games.

India. In India. One set of toy marbles. Yeah. Quantity one. There you go. It's a tuk-tuk. toys and games. India. In India, one set of toy marbles. Yeah. Quantity, one. There you go. It's a tuk-tuk.

Oh, I don't... What is it about that you don't like? It's the cheap sort of fragility of it. If I was going to be a very mean man, I would put it in my palm and crush it

until it was broken. Why? And I believe I could do it without too much effort. That's what I'm saying. It feels weak. Yeah. It feels fragile. But it's a cheap toy. It is very cheap, saying. It feels weak. It feels fragile.

But it's a cheap toy. It is very cheap, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I just touched it and the wheel at the front wobbled and nearly came off. Oh, really? And I think it has lost

its steering wheel already, hasn't it? Yeah. That's a shame. But I just think, it says Green India on the sticker. There's a little heart sticker on the inside.

Marbles on the top. You've seen that sticker on the top? Marbles, yeah. It goes with my much better quality street sweeper van thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's interesting.

All right. That's the first item. I won't judge the price quite yet. I mean, at the moment, I'd say between 50p and £1, I'd say, for that. That's just a little speculative. Just a little speculative guess there on that item. Next item, Paul. Here we go. They come together as a group. So this is a group. Next item, Paul. Here we go.

They come together as a group. So this is a group of... I'm handing him three little pots. Three little pots. What is this? It's stuff, isn't it? For all hair types. This is hair gel.

Hair stuff, yeah. Is this hair gel you've bought secondhand? No, I haven't bought it secondhand. From a charity shop? No. Because I don't know if I ever want to buy some of that. It's very obviously... Give it a half.

He's opened the gold one. Oh. It smells like hair products. Yeah, hair products. Yeah. What about that? Little pots, three little pots of hair products. Eco-style olive oil, sheer butter, black castor oil, and flava seed.

Wait, that's got some stuff for your hair in. What's it meant to do? It's good, it feeds your hair. It's hair food, isn't it, this one? This is hair gel

in the white pot and that looks like it has been used a few times already. It smells nice. That's the gel, is it? And then finally,

with the red cap, there's another type of hair gel. Yeah, but it's a different colour. Yeah. Pass it over. Let me have a half of it.

Have a half of it and then you have it. Oh, that's quite fruity, that one. That's fruity. Is that the nicest smell? That smells like gummies. Is that the nicest smell? Yeah.

Are they distinguishable, the two types of gel? Yeah, they're very different scents. Yeah. Not remarkable. That's a bit perfumed. That one smells like a bag of golden bears. Has it got a gummy? I'm looking forward to this.

It's got a fruity gummy smell. Mm. Mm. Quite pleasant, that one. You could slather it all over your Jonathan Tom. You could just fucking thwap it up. Little dollop. Little dollop.

Thwap it up. Thwap it up. You go, yee. Give your little pony a cowlick. You go, oh, Mickey, Mickey. Oh. Mickey, Mickey. Oh, Mickey.

Right, okay, so that's the next item. They came together. Three pots of hair products. They were all the same price. Does that mean the 50p each? Or all together they were 50p? What difference does it make? Well, because you said your statement was...

That's the same thing. They were all the same price. But that doesn't say... No, it's the same thing, though, isn't it? It's not. Because if they're all the same price... If it's a pound for three... And that says to me...

Then it's 33p each. If they're all the same price, that says to me that each item has a different price, and each of those prices are the same. If it's £1.50 for three, then they're all the same price, aren't they? They're £1.50 or 50p each, but it's all the same. No, no, no. Is £1.50

the same as £1.50? They're all the same price. Is 50p the same as 50p? Yes. They're all the same price. That's your cumulative price is 50p the same as 50p saying they're all the same price is not the same as saying that's your cumulative price that's the difference they're all the same price as there are three items

with the same price not a cumulative price of all three items there's a subtle difference and I want you I want you to regard it I'm actually quite mad

I'm taking this on board alright Paul I'll play your game, okay? Are you asking me for one price that accumulates all three items? What do you mean? What on earth does that mean? Why don't you get this, you fucking dickhead? Are you asking me to say all these three together is one price?

Are you saying each one of these is the same price? Yes. I get your distinction. The first of those options. You've made me quite cross. One price for the lot. Right. Okay, that's it.

Does that fucking clear it up for you? Take my pots. All purpose sauce, my ass. Put the pots up there. That's your second item. All purpose hair gel, isn't it? That's your second item, yeah? Right.

We're going to want a price from you at the end of the game for that. I can safely say I'm going to do badly today. Really? I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it. I'm hoping you do because I can't get a fuck. I'll get about half of a twing per three months. You can't get a twing up these days.

I'm handing you. Look at this. This is mint on card, even though there's no card. Yeah. This is a well-preserved item, Paul. I'm just checking that the price isn't still on it somewhere. And I'm handing it to you now. Now, you see the label from the Tuk Tuk?

Yes. It's still there. It hasn't been interfered with. I'm going mad. No one's been round here. Come round here. I'm handing you the third item. What an interesting little thing.

Ah, he likes. No, I didn't say that. I said it was an interesting little thing. I mean, in terms of it's, oh fuck's sake. It is a faux wooden sun-powered calculator with some kind of symbol on it. Anchor. I don't understand. It's an anchor.

It's not. Isn't it a navel? It's a horseshoe and a blade. Let me see. And then like a stirrup or something. Oh, maybe it's equine themed then. You have a little look. Do we think it's equine-themed then? Horsey. It's horses. It's for a horse office or something.

It could be Arabic. You know, you've got the blade, you've got a horseshoe. Are there any Arabic symbols on the actual calculator, or do they look all normal? No, I don't think that in itself is a symbol of any kind. I don't think it's a piece of language. I just think that's a logo for something. It could be a horse club.

It could be a business name. You know what I mean? It could be anything. The mystery behind that symbol is what's important. Now, taken out of the wrapper, it feels very cheap. And I don't know if... But it works. It works.

Eight. Oh, no, not very well. Actually, it doesn't work at all very well at all. It doesn't work. Hang on. Nine. Oh, no, wait there. Nine Actually, it doesn't work at all very well at all. It doesn't work. Hang on. Nine. Oh, no, wait there. Nine.

Plus. Plus six. Fifteen. Is correct. So, all right, cool. Can you write boobies on it? It's got a nice gold going around the fake wood. It's a strange thing.

Well, anyway, it's an interesting little wooden sun calculator. Yeah. It's fine. Any idea about what I might have paid for that? It wasn't new. Is it wood? That is actually wood. No, that's plastic.

I'm doing the tiff test. What does that do? You look like a little beaver then. It was quite cute. Let's stop. This has got too cute, this episode. You're in a good mood.

It's nice. We like to be cute every now and then. It can all be spaff, minge, plop, poo, eat shit, gobble, gobble. Minge can be cute

and some of those things can be cute. I'm not saying they can't be cute. I'm just saying, you know, we're not poo, eat shit, gobble gobble. Minge can be cute and some of those things can be cute. Now I'm not saying they can't be cute, I'm just saying, you know, we're not going to be grotty all the time. We're sometimes lovely boys. We're lovely boys. Okay. Weird. Anyway, that's plastic. I would say, I don't know, I'm going to say

two quid for that off the top of my head. Photos are available on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk so you can see all of the things that we play with. Okay, now it's time for the grand finale. This is the fourth item

because these items, let's not get into an argument about this now, Paul. These items were the same price. Okay? Does that mean you paid one price

for all of them or there are separate prices for each item? There were separate prices that were identical. Right, thank you. I don't know why you can't fathom that. I don't know or there are separate prices for each item. There were separate prices that were identical. Right, thank you. I don't know why you can't fathom that. I don't know why you are such a fucking cunt.

There were betwings on the line. We've made it very clear in recent years that betwings are very important. Serious business. You put a value on them. I'm only raising my game to match the value. All right. Otherwise, what's the point of it?

What's the point in any of this we're doing? Now, there's two items, but I want to introduce them to you separately, although they both have the same price and they count as a job lot. So in fact, although they were both the same price, they only count for one per twing in terms of price. You have to guess the price

of them combined. If they were £1.50 each, you're looking for the price of £3. That's the price I'd be looking for if they were £1.50 each. Thank you. for the price of £3. That's the price I'd be looking for if they were £1.50 each. Thank you. Although, I'll be introducing them to you as separate items. Here's the first one, Paul. Oh, what is this? It is a little... What is that? It's a little green spiky thing

holding a gun that fires tomatoes. Oh! Is it from like Plants vs Animals or something? It says Activision on the base. Oh, if it's Activision, this could be a Skylander or something? Is it aision on the base. Oh, if it's Activision, this could be a Skylander or something? Is it a game, is it? There were toys that you put on a little platform and you beam them.

It does look like that, doesn't it? The base looks like you can stick it on. And you beam them into your video game because they have like one of those. Because they have like an NCP chip or whatever the fuck they're called. There's a chip in there, isn't there? Yeah, it's a fire character,

judging by the logo underneath. What's fire? Well, I can imagine it works in a kind of... Oh, that's its element. That's its attack. I imagine the way it works is that ice beats water beats whatever. So it's a game piece, in fact, really.

It's not for a board game. No, it's for a video game. You buy the physical toys and beam them into the game via the platform. Interesting. Made in China. Activision, what would their huge... They're one of these huge game behemoths, are they?

They've been around for a load of time. They've got loads of licenses. So this is, what's the model on this? It's like a green hedgehog-y sort of character, isn't it?

It's not a... It's very well made. It's not a terrible model, is it? Nicely designed. I like the kind of porcupine nature to it. The paint job is sort of

shaded green on the hair, which is quite good, isn't it? It's got nice detail to it. Yeah, it's got good detailing. It's a nice toy, and it looks nice on a shelf if you collect loads of them, I'd imagine. Yeah, well, it's going straight on my shelf. Of course it is.

Your shelf's pretty well stocked today, isn't it? Now, it's... Yeah. Fucking yeah. Right. I hope you wake up from this episode and it's all been a dream. No, don't, man. I already had that fucking nightmare that I always have today

about going to university. And they say, I'm going to university for the first time. Mother, mother, why am I alone? I'm going to university for the first time.

To be clear, I'm 45 years old. You're going to university for the first time at 45 years old? Yeah. Okay. It's not like I've gone back younger.

It's like I'm doing it now sort of thing. You're like a mature student for some reason yeah I have but I'm in halls and I'm always you're the creepy one

in halls is this where I'm leaving what you're the creepy one who'd be in halls I would be if it was real I'd be extremely creepy

have you seen that fucking Eli who's moved in into the bottom of the hall yeah stinks the place out with weed he plays his fucking weird

prog fucking music real loud they'll buy weed off me won't they and then all the crying they'll buy weed off me yeah they will buy? And then all the crying from his room. They'll buy weed off me. Yeah, they will buy weed off me.

For favours. And you chat women up. You're chatting up 20-year-olds at the student union. If they get on tick too deep in tick on too many weeds, then they'll have to

have sex with me, Paul. You can't do that. They'll have to have sex with me. No, they wouldn't. Yes, they would. If they owe me 500 quid for weed, they fucking will have sex with me. You know how a horrible statement Yes, they would. If they owe me 500 quid for weed, they fucking will have sex with me. You know how a horrible

statement that is? That is like saying the implication seems I'm joking. I was joking. Of course I was joking. I'm not going to... Dog non-stustudent

weed abuser. Now, mate, I always have the dream but it's like, I can't find where I'm supposed to be living or then I find it

and there's a toilet next to the bed or something like, you know what I mean? It's like Yeah. Or then I find it and there's a toilet next to the bed or something like, you know what I mean? It's like that. Or it's completely sort of exposed to like a public thoroughfare

or something. It's just like... Everyone walks through your shit. I'm like, is this where I'm going to have to put all my stuff? Yeah. It's pure anxiety.

I love the idea of you being a mature student and being the guy at the student union at the weekend and the big nights where you're the one who's always at the bar

but always facing down and when everyone's gone at the end, you're still there. When they move you away, the reason why you've been staring down nights where you're the one who's always at the bar but always facing down and when everyone's gone at the end you're still there when they move you away the reason why you've been staring down is because you're sick all by your feet and down do you know how many times i had to deal with that when i was working at a student bar really well where is it the mature students not always the mature students but there was one guy who more often than not would come in on a friday or sat Saturday night go to get drunk and then be at the bar and he'd always be

you know face down put hands on the bar just staring down at his feet and he'd always vomit and by the time the night's over he's still there and he's just sick down his legs

and he's like passed out no he's just like standing up staring down like you know how is that fun that's like once you get to yeah

if that yeah if that happens that's you that's how I imagine you. As a mature student. It's all been a bit fucking... Wear black leather. Because you think it's in style.

I'm not going back to university. You're just making my anxiety worse. Why are you wearing a Joan Jets t-shirt, you sad old fuck? As if I'd wear a Joan Jets t-shirt. Also, you've just mischaracterised me twice now. I'm building a new character of you. Who listens to prog. I'm not a big prog fan. Murcho student, Eli.

Now, I'll show you where you if you suck me nothing. Murcho student, Eli. Can I get the answers to the test? I'll give you some buds. A few little buds. I like it. A bit of a criminal mastermind in this. Is it a free shot at the student

union bar? No. Oh, go. Mature student Eli. What would I be studying? I think you'd go back and do theatre. Oh, again. Oh, God. Right. Stanislavski. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's the bar open? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. Mature student yeah mature student drama schools actually have an age limit i flunk paul are you ready for your last item on price of shite okay yeah it's all been sweetness and light up until now mature student eli no one's buying this no one is buying this i am i mean dog fucking had a kind of punch to it. But mature student... It's a softer character. All right. Now, are you going to interrupt me again when I try and introduce the last item? No.

Come on. This is... Mature student, Eli. I've wiped my pants. Shut up. Shut up. I've spuffed again. You've ruined the fucking good mood I was in.

I'm in such a good mood. Why? I don't know. Get ready for this item. It's the stuff of nightmares. Mature student Eli. Can somebody pick me up? I'm lost.

Shut up. I told you. I opened it up to you About a fucking thing An anxiety dream That I have And you just Okay Are you ready for this item Yes

Ooh Feel the horror Oh what a Look at that What a dirty thing It is It's filthy Fundamentally

A dangling Christmas tree ornament What makes you Stroke snow globe Well as well as getting the get to that Well get to it then It is fundamentally a dangling Christmas tree ornament. Stroke snow globe. Well, as well as getting to get to that. Well, get to it then. Well, let me fucking get to it in my own time. So, the design of it is like a little nine. Fucking my mouth stops.

The design of it is a little nine. I don't know what that meant. It did not mean anything. The design of it is almost like acorn shaped. It's quite slim and narrow. Well, it's like a bell jar sort of shape. And in it is a little, it looks like a teddy bear. It's a teddy bear wearing a Christmas hat. Holding a present.

But what makes it so delightfully repulsive is that not only is the water half evaporated and foamy, but it's also a nice rich piss colour. And his head's sticking above the surface, so it's like he's in some kind of flooded basement. It is. Do you know what I mean? In the dark, trying to get out. It's like Parasite.

There's a whole flood scene in that film. It's like a torture porn scene with a teddy bear drowning in a big fucking... It totally is. This is like Saw 3. You can see why I grabbed that, can't you? Mate, that is so nasty. Why is it that colour? Because it's just sort of the paint has dissolved in it over the years.

Oh, yeah, I guess that's a good point. And it's got little flakes of snow. So-called, but they just look like filth. They just look like... It just looks like the worst urine sample a doctor's ever received. Yeah, it's like I've called the hospital now if your urine looks like that. God almighty, what a horrible fucking thing that is. Lucky piss water, isn't it?

Yeah. Don't squeeze it. I do not want that exploding in the house of pickles. No, you'd hate to mar the house of pickles. Well, listen, there's certain places even I won't go. Oh, you know that teddy bear's on his knees as well. Is he? In a very submissive way.

Oh, God, really? He's like on his knees with the president. Show me it. Look, turn around, you can see his feet. He's all like on his knees as well is he in a very submissive way oh god really he's like on his knees with the show me look turn around you can see his feet he's all like on his knees it's a very kneeling with a box yeah it's a bauble isn't it like you said it's actually to hang on a tree i didn't know you used to get snow globe hanging on i don't think you did very often there's unusual things about the item so those as i've said go together there's one things about the item. So, those, as I've said, go together. There's one price for the two. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, let's just recap very quickly. I've got the Tuk Tuk. I've got the label with the actual price of the Tuk Tuk written on it here. No, I haven't looked at that. No one's looked at that. Then we had the three pots of hair product. Three pots of hair product. Again, I will want one price, which I paid for all three.

Yes. Okay. What of her product? Again, I will want one price, which I paid for all three. Okay? Then we had the wood effect calculator with the mysterious horseshoe symbol. Maybe it's for a horse shop or a horse office or a horse pantry. Is it wood? Ah, give it a little chew. See if you get on the taste. Maybe it is wood.

Yeah, I think it is wood. Is that reflected in the price is the question we have to ask ourselves here, Paul. That is the question, isn't it? That is the ultimate question. Then we had the little game piece. What are they called? I think it's a Skylander. I think it's a Skylander. Stop touching it right by the mics.

We're picking up every single bang and tingle. But I have to edit out. Tingle? A bang and tingle? A bang and tingle. I'd like a bang and tingle, please. It's half a pin. That'd be £4.50, sir. Where are you going to bang? Where are you going to tingle? A bang and tingle. I'd like a bang and tingle, please. It's half a... That'd be four pounds and fifty pence, sir.

Where you gonna bang? Where you gonna tingle? Put the modus up my... That's it. You can hire us for the night. I'm Mr. Bang. He's Mr. Tingle. We'll come and do a show for you, sir.

Okay. Now he's doing one of his voices now. Bob, bob, bob, bob, bob, bob. I say, I say, I say, Mr. Tingle. What do you call a dog with no nose? Anything I fucking like after I've shagged it. Right. I say, I say, I say,

Mr. Tingle. Oh, I fuck dogs. Right. This character fucks dogs, Paul. Why? I was going to retire that, but if you want to do Mr. Tingle,

the dog fucker, as part of a... Can we as an outlet for, like, the fact that we're going to just keep bringing up the dog fucker? I am Mr. Bang

and he's Mr. Tingle. Bang and Tingle entertaining you. I'll hold the dog down, you'll fuck its mouth. Oh, fucking hell. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. No, he doesn't say ruff, ruff. That's what Ruffles says.

We use Ruffles on the act. Bring Ruffles out of suggestive little... Why? Well, then we'd have to talk to Brandoff about this. You don't want to get in touch with Brandoff about licensing. He's a monster. No one's heard from him in a while because he's on the run. The police, an interpoll are after him for murder. Team Yeti's been brought in for questioning. That's a monster. No one's heard from him in a while because he's on the run. The police,

an interpoller after him for murder. Team Yeti's been brought in for questioning. That's the thing. You get these happy endings at the end of a story, but you don't get the ramifications. We should update people, actually. What you don't know is that,

one, Brandoff's on the run. No one's heard from him. Carol's in prison, but she's not speaking. Team Yeti was brought in for questioning. Now, he's been released on bail. Of course.

No one's really expecting him to be tied. This is going to be great for his career, isn't it? The press have been yeti was brought in for question now he's been released on bail of course no one's really expecting great for his career isn't it or the press have been involved the press are really into it they're asking him questions so that's happening obviously

uh detective jimmy biscuits his profile's been raised on a case and he's been sent now by interpol to track brand off well he lost the suspect i don't see how he gets respect for

that he lost to be fair he did fly off for a helicopter. And someone else was killed as well. Under his watch. Jimmy Goon and Freddie Goon. We found out he had twins the whole time and we didn't know. It was Jimmy Coon that we were chasing. Jimmy's dead. Uncle Grumbly's

dead. That business has gone up as well. They've sold that now to Walls to make the sausages. So now Walls who make sausages now own all of Grumpy's empire. Oh, really? So you can expect Iceland now getting Grumbly products.

Right. But they're still going to use his character and face. It's going to be animated little Grumbly with a smiley face on the corner. You know, like Aunt Bessie.

Yeah. Or Uncle Grumbly. Or from the all-purpose sauce. What's he called again? Mang Thomas. Yes. Mang Thomas. So, Mang Thomas.

So, you know, he will live on as a brand. I mean, you could imagine Grumbly having some part in the Mang Thomas empire, can't you? Grumbly has got a part. He's like Colonel Sanders now. You say he'll live forever as a brand. He's like, you know, the man from Del Monte. Paul, I need some prices for it. I can't believe I'm driving this forward.

But I'm just bringing the audience up to date of the fallout of the murder mystery episode because people you don't forget there was a lot of you know ramifications from that so it's important okay family of a underage sasquatch destroyed underage sasquatch what was it adolescent sasquatch that has to be his name from now on. Underage Sasquatch. Don't be disrespectful to the devs. Underage Sasquatch. Brilliant. Adolescent Sasquatch. It's not brilliant.

Shut up. Shut up. Oh, Paul, sometimes, man. Your mouth is funny. Right, so. I want prices. Okay, we're up to date with all of that stuff. Yeah, man. Your mouth is funny. Right, so... I want prices. Okay, we're up to date with all of that stuff.

Yeah, prices. Okay, now I need... This is, you know... Tuk-tuk. Tuk-tuk. I will say this was... £1. Okay, we'll be writing down

your answers. £1 for tuk-tuk. I'm going to write down your answers. Write them down and then we'll go... What are you blowing? Oh, he's trying to blow the label off.

You cheat! Fucking hell, mate. I'm going to have to weigh down this label. Tuk Tuk. One pound. We'll move on to the three pots. Now, can I ask what you paid generally overall for all these items? Okay, overall...

So, that and that, that and that. Four things you've brought to me. Not more than £5.50 was spent. All right, okay, fair play. I thought it was going to be much more than that. I've said pound for that. Oh, God, that doesn't mean anything. Three pots of gunk, I'm writing.

Hair pots. I'm going to say £1.50. I'm going to go, this is a big Mac offer. 50p a pot, £1.50. Examine them, though this is a big Mac offer. £50 Peter Pot, £1.50. Examine them though. Just the top of the gold one. Just have a look at that. I'm giving you a little clue. What does it say? Available at Walgreens.

Why would you have an advertisement for the actual product on it? Because it probably came three was a magazine or something. £1.50. £1.50. Okay. Calculator. The wooden effect calculator with the horseshoe symbol and the wooden plastic finish and the gold rimming. Ooh.

Gold rimming. Gold rimming. He's a man. He felches out his mama. What do you mean with his mum? Why not? Ash Freudian underage. You bring your mum up. I may. You bring your mum there's a mum? Why not? I'm Ash Freudian, underage. You bring your mum up.

I may. You bring your mum up for a gold rimming. That's it. Gold rimmer. He's the man. What? Mum. Anyway, shut up.

And what a price for the fucking calculator. Gold rimmer. Wooden calculator. God remember. Wooden calculator. Calculator. I'm going to say £1.50. £1.50 again. So that's the same price for the three pots and the... Okay.

And finally, the two toys priced as one. They have the same price, but I want a price for what I paid for both of them. I'm going to say £1.50 for both of them. £1.50 for both. Submerged Bear and Game Piece. Yeah. I don't think I'm right, though.

I've kind of tuned out. Now, Paul. I've kind of mentally given up. Paul, don't give up. Let's just go through this. There's a lot of Petwings available here. There are. This is the moment of truth for the Petwings. This is where we pull out. Remember the thing? There's a lot of Petwings available here. There are. This is the moment of truth. There are. Petwings. This is where you pull out.

Remember the thing? It's all about the Petwing. Sorry, but you said, what did you say for the two final items? The overall price, sorry? 75p each, so £1.50 again. £1.50, yeah. So you said £1.50 for three of the four things. Well, then hopefully I'm right on one of them.

Okay. Now, let's see. That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 50 exactly. So you're saying, if anything, I'd maybe say one pound for these now i didn't say it was 550 exactly did no i know i know i know if anything i bet i said it was that's the upper bound it's the problem is they have to be divisible by three so it can't be a random weird okay so unless they're 75p 75p and so it's like £2.25. Yeah, you didn't go for my clue, but it's too late now.

Don't care. I'll try and sprinkle some... Speed this up, I'm checking out. Paul! Come on, mate. Alright, tuck tuck. I'm going to flip it over. He's tried. He's tried to see the price.

But I can reveal to you now, which has been written this whole time on this label here, Paul. 50p. One pound. Petwing. Petwing. He's off to a good start here, ladies and gentlemen. He's got two Petwings in the bag.

Those are yours. You're going home with those. There's nothing to change that now, Paul. No one can take those away from you. Now the three pots. Now. The three pots. I tried to give you the clue.

I tried to give you the clue because it's obviously a promotional item. They were zero pounds and zero pence. They were free items given to me by my friend Adnam in the shop down the road from the Blues Kitchen. Don't throw them around! Fucking cheating cunt. We agreed a long time ago on this fucking podcast. No, we didn't agree. We were never going to have an incident again.

I never agreed to any of such stuff. Because that is cheating and it needs to be highlighted. You either need to say there's a trick item in here or you need to say one of them is not. I've got a two-word phrase. Yeah? I've got a two-word phrase to totally puncture what your whole fucking flim-flam you've been going on right now. Yeah? Two-word.

Yeah? Actually, yeah, it's two. Poo-poo tie. Those are the words. That's three. Poo tie. Lose one of the poos. Yeah, but then that was...

Two words. But since then, that was part of the agreement, wasn't it? That was unforgivable. And I will never cease to try and avenge myself for making you make me touch random poo-poo. It could have been dog. It could have been dog. It could have been dog. So, yeah, I got to cheat. Therefore, I...

What's the word I'm looking for? I'm out of the game. No, you're not, Paul. Don't be such a bad sport. I'm vetoing the game. No, you've got two betweens. At no point did you leave. That was a trick item.

I tried to say... And we agree, no more trick items. No, we never said that. Yes. We have never said that. We have said. What good is anything without trick items, Paul? You have to highlight it.

It's the spice of life. You have to highlight it. I tried. I said four times. You could have said. The clue, the clue, the clue. Listen back. You can hear it.

It's all there on the tape, Paul. I said, look, look. It said available at Walgreens. What does that tell you it tells you if you could think straight yeah

it tells you it's a very clear clue that these were free no it tells me that maybe they came in front of a magazine and were bought

originally from a magazine and you still could have bought them from a charity shop at no point did you say one of these items has not been bought it's been given to me they look like

promotional freebies don't they they look like promotional freebies you should have they? They look like promotional freebies. You should have still told me that they weren't bought. I will never. I am therefore vetoing this fucking game. You know what? This show started off all lovely, toys, noodles, and now

you've pulled your pants, pulled your bum cheeks apart, and with great force and effort splashed out some sticky, yellow, nasty pellets or whatever it is to call your shit this week. I'm never coming back on this show again. Paul, stop with the fake outrage. I'm not.

I am. I am. I am outraged. You can't just throw this whole game away. I've done it. No. I literally threw him in the corner. Just give me...

Well, you've played it already, so if you don't want the betwings, it's fine. No, because it throws everything else out, doesn't it? I'll take those other betwings off you. I'll take the betwings, it's fine. No, because it throws everything else out, doesn't it? I'll take those other betwings off you! I'll take the betwings you've earned on the top tuck off you! I fucking will! Just get in line! You've just said, literally

two fucking seconds ago, those two points are yours! Pick those records up! No one can take them off you. Didn't you just say that? They're yours. I didn't know how it was going to go down. Alright, those are yours. Those betwings are yours. Careful. Right. Alright,

Paul. This is the most angry I've been genuinely in a while playing this game. Now, come on. You've got two betwings. What's the point of playing the rest of the game? I was told wrong information. There are no more nasty surprises coming up, okay? Well, then I can't get any good points because I'm going to be out because my mathematics based on it, the £5.50 ball mark figure.

You know, I feel really sick. That's just because of your lifestyle. All the purpose sources coming back at me. Right, wooden calculator. You said. I said Eli's a fraud. You said £1.50. Every time.

£1.50. I paid £2 for that. Submerged bear and game piece. I might have said £1.50 I paid £2 for that submerged beer and game piece I might have said £2 if I'd known those were free they were also a pound each £2 altogether

again I would have changed my opinion I would have been guarded you've got those two between you've ruined this and the thing is you've ruined it out of

fucking incompetence rather than spite which makes it worse what do you mean it's just look at it I won't tell him I won't tell him I won't tell him that I got this one free

you could have just not added it to the list we could have had three items it would have been a normal price of shite I think it's added entertainment

what were you saying before we recorded the podcast today as long as we make it entertaining I think we've entertained we've entertained many with your

because I got one over you you cunt. You fucker. You know what? I brought nice things for you. We're in a good mood. I didn't know how nice things were going to be. And then I've been stabbed in the back once again by...

Oh, you care about more about your records than my feelings. I'm just picking them up, Paul. You're a fucking monster every time. It's the same. Now, can we move on from this, please? I don't know if I can. Once again, the sanctity, and I'll say it again and again and again, the sanctity of the price of shite comes on inherent troughs between us

to give each other a sporting chance to get a good idea of the price involved. You did. If you put in items that are free or stuff you were given, it ruins it and it throws my judgment off. I'm sorry I did that. Can we move on? Remember every time we do a little game with a... Well, it doesn't matter.

You've ruined it now. What, we're never going to play The Price of Shite again? What are we going to do? We're going to play a game called Costing the... Here we go, right. Costing the Crap. Trying to rebrand all the segments now, aren't you? Paul's Pleasant Pastimes and The Cost of Crap. Cost of Crap. Cost of Crap. That to rebrand all the segments. Paul's pleasant pastimes and the cost of crap.

Cost of crap. Cost of crap. That's good, actually. Yeah. I could still, but I could still, because you can rename it, doesn't mean I play by the rules. Well, I can still go around calling you a dog fucker then, can't I? Well, you can, yes.

It's up to you. It's a free country. I'll hound you over it as much as I can. Now, this is just an example, Paul, of what's known as being a maverick. It's being a maverick. I was maverick. I fucking deconstructed this game, this game we all play, yeah?

And I've done something else. I've turned it round. Chris Morris, he was a maverick broadcaster. You know what I mean? It's like the guy who does fucking, what's his name? Howard Stern.

Maverick broadcaster. You, sad fat cunt. Oh my God. There's a subtle difference Howard Stern. Maverick broadcaster. You, sad, fat cunt. Oh, my God. There's a subtle difference, Elo. Would you like me to point them out? What they do is they take the form of broadcasting and they act as a maverick within it. And you, what's different from that

is that you are a fat, hairy cunt. Shut up. I'm genuinely angry. Paul, just calm down, man. Come on. It was going so well, this show, as well. You've ruined it. You've shat the bed. I'm genuinely angry. Paul, just calm down, man. Come on. It was going so well, this show, as well. You've ruined it. You've shat the bed.

I've ruined it. You have shat the bed. I've ruined it. You decided to get all... I've ruined it. Have I? I've ruined it. Did I come with a false game of mistrust of life?

I just fucking put something together, you know. This episode's been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Are you ready for cheap eats? No. We're not doing cheap eats now. Yes, we fucking are. We're not. Right, I'm just going to get some meat out and eat it out of the packet then.

Fine! Fucking shut up. Right, go on. W, W, counting dot. Ladies and gentlemen, we had other things planned for the rest of the show, but I've decided, as is my contractual right, to pull out. As a result, I'll be wrapping up this episode of Cheap Show in a professional manner and then leaving you and then me and Eli are going to have some strong words after the show.

No, but look, Paul, what you could have had. Yeah, he likes this. See, I just got this out. Starburst Chewing Gum. Starburst Chewing Gum. Opal fruit flavoured chewing gum. Starburst Chewy Chewy. I'm going to have a little huff on it.

Here you go. You can do the end of the show. I'm just going to have a little. Starburst Chewy Chewy. Yeah. Ooh, smells like opal fruits. Does it? What does that mean, though?

Because opal fruits have different flavours. Oh, they're long, thin ones. They're long, thin ones. It's chewing gum. You don't often get that. Smell that. Well, I don't know. No?

It's because you've had it in a bag of meat and spices. It smells funny. No, it's not meat and spices. It smells spicy. This is some. I don't often get that. Smell that. Well, I don't know. No? It's because you've had it in a bag of meat and spices. It smells funny. No, it's not meat and spices. It smells spicy. This is some. I don't like it. You've ruined that. Beef and chicken.

You've ruined. This is beef and chicken bologna. It only costs 89p. It's cheap. You've ruined that as well. It's meat on card. You've ruined chewy chewy. Have a half of that.

Oh, God. It tastes of fake meat. It's turkey and cow. You've got a half of that oh oh god it tastes of fake meat it's chicken it's turkey and cow you've got a picture of it they're quite uh horrible disgusting like you're just eating flaps of processed meat now oh god right well before we do the admin yeah i just would like to ask the listeners of cheap show if they would like to help support me. So for two minutes Eli, can you just carry on eating meat, all purpose sauce and crackers in peace while I do a little bit of self promotion.

So, if you don't know by now, I'm going to tell you. I'm working with Unbound to raise money for a book I would like to write. A long time ago I did a solo show called Ain't Afraid of No Ghost. It was me, about my mental health, my depression, my love of ghostbusters and how it all came together and i became a quote-unquote professional ghost hunter for a few years many adventures many

lessons had i'm turning it all into a book i'm also going to probably talk about ghostbusters a lot and my fandom and fandom in general and all that shit so if you would like to support me and put some money behind making the book, you'll get a copy of the book, but there are also tiers. So depending on how much you want to give towards production of the book depends on what kind of rewards you get.

And there are things like, I'm going to do commentaries for all four Ghostbusters films. I'll do an audio book as well. I'll be doing my live comedy show one last time to top tier backers and everyone gets a book and some will get a signed book etc if you want to know more and you want to support me go to unbound.com forward slash books forward slash ghosts and you can look at the tiers there and see if any of those suit you um i've never written a book before and it's quite daunting but i'm excited to do it

i love the story and if you've heard me ranting about ghost hunting and ghostbusters and paranormal reality tv and all that kind of stuff it's all going to go into this one book. So there you go. Thank you very much for Unbound for letting me have the opportunity to even try and get a book made and if you want to help there's where you can go. There are links on the website, on my Twitter account and probably on the Facebook account as well. So there you go thank you ain't afraid no ghost unbound if you want to help support i would love that because i'd like to write a book about all my adventures and my deep-seated beliefs on the ghostbusters franchise anyway we're on twitter at the cheap show pod i'm at paul gannon show eli is eli snoid eli s-n-o-i-d paul when you say all

four ghostbusters movies you're talking about the one that hasn't yet been released as well yeah because by the time the book's out the film will probably been out for a little while by then and hopefully by then i can watch it do a commentary what do you think your reaction is going to be to it i'm not i've said to you before i'm not speaking publicly about okay 2020 people have been getting quite annoyed they got in touch with me you say why haven't you said anything about the trailer and i don't reply to them but if you want to know why, it's like when the 2016 film happened, I was like in the positive camp. I really liked it.

But I couldn't just say, I like this film. I had to all of a sudden defend myself from people telling me I'm a cunt for believing that because it's a piece of shit and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you're not going to take any kind of stand on this? So I just don't see why I should have something I enjoy be ruined by the opinions of people I don't know. You know what I mean?

Regardless of one way or the other of what the film ends up being. I'm just going to go see the film. But then you are going to do a commentary. Yeah, but that will come well after the film has been out for a while. So I'll save all my opinions for then, frankly. I never really thought of myself as a fan like that of anything. 100 years from now, who's going to give a fuck that you didn't like Ghostbusters 2016? No one will.

No one will. So yeah, I'm on Twitter,. Oh Paul, I sent you that picture of Snoid. You did? Did you not look at it? Hang on, is Snoid something you brought up in the previous podcast? No, it was one of the bespoke podcasts. Well I don't give a fuck if I were moving on. Thank you for listening again and enjoying and supporting. Thank you

everybody. If indeed you do want to support us. Big thanks to the Patrons. Patreon.com forward slash cheap show donate what you like and wherever you donate and I've got news on that Paul yes I'm saving some scrunch

for the next twitch in a water box yep well look forward to that some scrunch in a water box if you happen to be the mysterious secret donator

who donates a certain amount you get the scrunch on you'll get a nuzzle scrunch thank you nuzzle scrunches for that you. Nuzzle scrunges for that very particular donation. Can I just say chussage? Whatever fucking shit you want to say,

I am emotionally spent on this episode. I don't think I had enough nonsense words. I have never been. I'll just say chussage. I've never been this emotionally drained. Oh, come on. After recording an episode of this podcast for a while. There have been massive ups

and furious downs today. All right, Paul. And we and you are going to have some serious words after I press stop. Oh, yeah. We are.

We're going to have some serious Jehoffany words. Jehoffany. Jehoffany words. Brilliant. Chossish. Chossish and Jehoffany.

That's it. That's how we go. Bye's it. That's it. Bye. Love you. Bye, everyone. Bye-bye. Bye.