CheapShow - Ep 18: Read-A-Along Easter

Episode Date: March 21, 2016

Easter treats abound in episode 18 of the economy comedy podcast! Paul & Eli tackle Easter in the only way they know how - poorly. They talk Easter memories and discover Paul's love of Read-A-Along Adventure books, via Ghostbusters and a kinda racist Rambo! The chaps discover a YouTube video that helpfully explains the story of Easter, and they tear it to pieces and sing along with Christ music. Ash Frith reports in with weird and wonderful movie "Easter Eggs", Paul and Eli taste test some cheap chocolate treats, paint cock and balls on a clay egg and Eli's TOP THREE returns and is as shouty as it ever was! Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk (Episode 18: http://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/#!episode-18/c2p73) If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow @elisnoid or @ashfrith If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher or iTunes and get fortnightly fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

When you hear this, turn the page. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Easter special edition of Cheap Show! Straight out of Soton, that's Southampton for you not in the know. I'm Eli Silverman, I'm still cool. Who's this? It's Paul Gannon! Hey! Am I still cool, Eli? Never. You never were oh welcome to our easter special version of podcast the a comedy comedy comedy comedy comedy economy comedy comedy let me try that you do it go on welcome to the easter special of our economy comedy pod you can't do it

either it's hard it's hard is it's hard. Is it? Economy Comedy Podcast. Right. Hello. Welcome to the A Comedy Comedy... I can't do it. Economy Comedy. A Comedy... Codpiece. A Comedy Codpiece Comedy.

Anyway, welcome to the cheap show I am. It's a fishy codpiece. I am Paul Gannon and that... Is Eli Silverman. That's me. How are you doing, man? Good. Yeah?

Yeah. Easter? It's not my favourite... No? ...festival. What is your favourite out of interest, just as an aside? I'd probably say Halloween. Yeah, mine too.

You don't have to do anything. No? You don't want to. You can dress up all scary. Or you can just watch a video. A horror film of your choice. Yeah, watch a horror film and eat a pumpkin. That's not that good.

No, it's not that good. What did you do at Easter, though? Did you do anything special at Easter? It's not... Easter's coming up Oh, I see I'm talking about in your past, in your personal history Oh, what have I done at Easter? What did Easter mean to you?

Well, I come from an atheist family, half Jewish It's an interesting mix So, not anything Can you be half atheist? No So you are atheist with Jewish leanings The Jewish side of my family were atheists with Jewish leanings. The Jewish side of my family were atheists. Yeah, it's part of it.

Yeah, okay, good. So we didn't celebrate Easter. Oh, that's a shame. And also, the other thing about Easter is it's a movable feast, as they say. It's an adjustable holiday. Which just means it's bloody confusing when it is. No one ever knows when it is. I can't remember when it is.

I mean, it's the last weekend of March or the first weekend of April. Who fucking knows? You know what they need to do? What? Ban it. Standardise it. Oh. Standardise it like they've done with Christmas.

True, they could standardise it. And if all the priests... Just go, shut your mouth! Shut it, you priest cunt. Do you want people to fucking worship Jesus or not? Or not. If so, zip it. It would help, wouldn't it, to priest cunt. Yeah, do you want people to fucking worship Jesus? Or not? Or not. If so, zip it. It would help, wouldn't it, to standardise the date?

Yeah, it would. So you'd know, this is pancake, because we've already had pancake day, haven't we? Pancake day standardised. That's part of Easter, isn't it? It's beginning of Lent, isn't it? Yeah, which leads up to Easter. Easter, yeah. What did you give up for Lent?

A fuck all. Good. Nothing. Is that because you have nothing to give up? I've got several things I could happily give up. Like? Not happily. Sex? Cannabis. Oh? Nothing. Is that because you have nothing to give up? I've got several things I could happily give up. Like? Not happily. Sex?

Cannabis. Oh, yeah. Drinking. Alcohol. Curries. Curries. Vinyl. Vinyl.

No, I'll never give that up. Never give that up. I couldn't. You can take my weed. You can take my booze. You can take food from my mouth, but you better not touch my vinyl. So? Yeah.

Well, for me, Easter. I used to love Easter. In fact, I probably preferred it to Christmas. Really? Why? Because you get a gift. No, yeah. I see where you're wrong. I see where you're wrong.

This is a Catholic thing. Well, first of all, it's a Catholic thing. I had a Catholic upbringing, which means basically not a lot of self-respect, quite a lot of guilt, and every Christmas and Easter, you got the presents you would expect for the period. Right. What do you mean? I don't know.

I kind of started a sentence and didn't know where I was going. Okay, so let's go back, Paul. Just rewind here. Why do you like Easter so much? Okay, I like Easter so much because not only did we get a chocolate egg. Got chocolate. Which was nice. Although it was because of Easter that I have this hatred of milky bars and the milky bar kid i think i've told this story

before yeah but you were going your mum wanted you to be the milky bar kid yeah you still got the looks for it mate not the age and if i walked into a milky bar kid audition oh the looks i'd get i think you should go for it no i think we should have some kind of prank campaign where you're trying to be... Yeah. All right. That would be cool. It would be. Milky Bar, if you're listening, start up a new ad campaign featuring a young blonde child and I will wear inappropriate clothing, glasses, and ride a horse.

So it was one Easter when you had your legendary milk chocolate binge. Yeah, I had a lot of white chocolate Milky Bars and was finally sick. Sorry, not milk chocolate, white chocolate. Yeah, but I can't touch the stuff. But the reason why I liked it more than any other holiday was because I was obsessed as a kid of those rainbow booking tapes. You remember those? With those was the two-word convo you were looking for.

Coalesce. Shut up. Convalesce. He's convalesced the goose. I blew the goose. Anyway, you know rainbow booking tapes? Yes. I like those. Convalesce Is Convalesce the goose? I blew the goose Anyway You know Rainbow Book and Tapes? Yes I love those

Every Easter I'd get one Maybe two If I was lucky And my vivid memories Of Easter would be like I'd get a Disney one And it'd be Pinocchio

They were a common thing Back in the 80s Because the idea was When movies were released It was a good maybe year Maybe two years Before you would see it On VHS Yeah it was a long time Maybe, maybe two years before you would see it on VHS.

Yeah, it was a long time. Maybe five, six years until it was on TV at Christmas. And so the only way to keep those memories alive with a movie that you liked was you bought the book. Yeah, because it would stop running in the theatres and then that was it.

And that was it for the longest time. And so as a child, if I saw, you know, Gremlins or Ghostbusters or Back to the Future, I wasn't going to see that film again for years. And it was exciting when it came out on VHS. But that's what made it so great. That's what made it so great. Because you thought that film was great,

but you didn't really, you couldn't just examine it. No, that's why I thought How the Duck was amazing until I saw it again on VHS. It was not. Inappropriate film where a duck is practically fucked by a human woman. Don't get that. There's a topless duck in it as well.

There's a duck with tits out, yeah, and he works in a prostitute's whorehouse for a bit, cleaning up the sleaze and the scum. Weird film. But Rainbow Book and Tapes were for those kids who would fill in the gap. So you'd get a book that was based on the film, pictures and story, and they'd get a cassette

where either it was re-enacted by other actors or they took snippets of the film and cut it in. I've got an example here for you if you'd like to say if no one knows what it is i know they have them in america as well i don't think they were called booking tapes i think they were called read along adventures i'm going to play you a clip obviously i found ghostbusters uh here's a little taster of it right now rainbow Rainbow. Rainbow.

When you hear this, turn the page. The Ghostbusters The Ghostbusters. This is the story of three brilliant professors who were once at Columbia University doing research work into paranormal happenings. Or, in other words, studying ghosts. studying ghosts. They were Dr Venkman, Dr Spengler

and Dr Stats. Mate, I loved all that shit. That was brilliant. I love that doof! Yeah. That noise. Doof! Do brilliant. I love that. Doof! Yeah. That noise. Doof!

Doof! Close it, turn the page. Doof! The thing is, though, it's weird about it, right, is that obviously you could ignite memories of your favourite film, you know, get along with it. That was not the Ghostbusters thing. No, they could not afford that.

What even might have happened is, in most likely the case was, because the film was being made at the time they had to bring these books out, they probably didn't have the license or the money or the access to that stuff. But that was aping. I mean, it was a chord ghostbusters thing. So you get Ghostbusters and Goonies and Indiana Jones,

but you know what else you can get as well? Rambo First Blood Part 2. Really? Yeah, as a children's read-along book. Do you want to have a little sniff through that? Hang on, let's just skip to a bit. Do you want to have a little sniff through of that? Hang on, let's just skip to a bit. Those guys look like they'd sell their mothers.

They are pirates. Opium smugglers. Best way up river. Not get army suspicious. This is Captain Tronkin. You brought money, missy? Here. American notes.

Where is the rest? Half now, half later. Come, Rambo. We can sleep now while we travel. Sleep? What about patrol boats, Captain? Oh, no worry about patrol boats. See what I have inside locker. See? Russian rocket launcher.

No problems. We start engine and go up river now. Right. Let's begin with the problems of that. Slightly racist. It's like, right, we can't obviously take footage from the film, so we'll get you into the voice of Stallone. There's no air.

And obviously, we need someone to speak, you know, vaguely Asian, so can you come in and go, Oh, it's okay, isn't it? Up river. and obviously we need someone to speak you know vaguely Asian so can you come in and go oh it's okay isn't it oh the Warp River oh that's terrible

isn't it but that's not a kids film it's not at all it's full of killing and even Gremlins well that's a kids film no but Gremlins

Temple of Doom were the first kind of films to do the PG-13 thing in America where they crossed the line because some scenes were far too graphic or intense for kids

they were turned in Bond was turned into it there was quite a lot of weird adaptations for those books but anyway they must have been profitable

yeah they were I was obsessed with these books when I was a kid I had Star Trek and Star Wars and you still got them all yes most of them I got some books

not cassettes because they just wear out over time but you know like when you hear R2-D2 turn the page I love that stuff so that was what

Easter meant to me anyway. So that's why you liked Easter, because you used to get a book. Yeah, and I loved it. Nothing ever happened on Easter for me. No? Nothing.

Just a cold... I just got an egg. That's alright. If someone like my friend's mum would give me an egg. Yeah. Bullshit. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And also, go and look for an egg. No. I remember, actually, I was at the Steiner School. Yeah.

The progressive school, wasn't it? No, this was not the progressive. It was the theosophist with all the watercolours and stuff. Okay. He had a hole. Yeah. He had a hole? There were no angles.

Yeah, okay. In the classrooms. Right. And it was all sort of different colour-coded classrooms. And we used to do Eurythmy. I've told you about this. Eurythmics? Eurythmy.

What's that? It was a sort of dance exercise. Oh, yeah. I can't imagine you doing that. The fiery goblin, we used to say like that. We used to have a brass rod that we'd hold. I was like, did you go to Hogwarts or something? It sounds really weird.

Yeah, it was bizarre. But they had all these beautiful water-coloured eggs. They were serious about the egg hunt because they were quite deeply religious. They were like people manned with guns, manning the whole encampment as you were chasing these eggs in just your bare feet. Also, another problem I have with Easter,

rabbits. Don Easter, rabbits. Don't like rabbits. They are fucking weird, aren't they? Yes, they are. And those big ones that they have now, those super-sized rabbits,

just keep those away from me, okay? Yeah, that's fair enough. I don't like it. It's the size of a dog. Get a fucking dog. Exterminate the fucking freaky rabbit. Get a dog.

If you want a dog, get a dog. It's a dog, get a dog. It's a size of a dog, but you know what I mean? It's going to look at you weird with its big floppy fucking ears and it eats lettuce. You know, you're going to hate this then. Listen.

Happy Easter Happy Easter I'm your lucky honey bunny Close your eyes Make a wish If you believe in me Your dream come true

Creepy as fuck. Is that real? Yeah. Do you know what that always reminds me of? Those kind of weird rabbit things. Twilight Zone. You know where the big scary rabbit comes out of the TV? Yeah.

And that scared the fuck out of me. And that was kind of nicked for Donnie Darko wasn't it? Oh completely nicked. Completely nicked. From that film yeah. So anyway Easter memories.

So we laugh and heartily giggle at Easter but do we really know the story of Easter? Jesus came alive. Zombie Jesus. No he did the obvious.

Oh, yeah, he did die and then come back from the dead. But I don't know all the details, although I found on YouTube a little video that explains it for us that I thought we'd have a look at. OK. It's called Cute Story About Easter. Ah. Oh, isn't it lovely?

Has he got bunnies? No. He doesn't play a role. There's no bunnies. It's the story of Christ told by kids. All right, let's do it. And weird faked crayons. You know when adults affect how kids draw?

Yes. And it's all stick figures and it's all a bit weird. That's it. We're going to put the video up, obviously, on the website so you can watch it in its entirety. Let's just have a little listen. Hello, my name is Eliana Anderson. My name is Alicia Anderson.

Once upon a time, there was a bunny. One day, Jesus went to Jerusalem. First of all, right off the bat, it's like, fuck the bunny. That's not what he says about. Get your facts right. Well, in fact, it's a pagan thing, isn't it? It is. That the Christians stole. They do not like. it's a pagan thing, isn't it? It is. That the Christians stole.

They do not like. Do they bring that up in the video for kids? No. No, of course not. They just say, no, there's no bunny. Forget the bunny. Just fuck the bunny immediately. Jesus on a horse.

Jesus on a horse. That's all we need to know, right? Here we go. His donkey. Donkey. Donkey. Apologise. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They all gathered twigs and they waved them in the air. They threw their coats on the ground. Hosanna, Hosanna. It's the Son of God. Was that a practice? Did they throw their coats on the ground and wave sticks? I don't know. I mean, I don't know the Bible very well,

but that sounds like he was riding over a lot of puddles. Yeah. You know? Why did they throw their coat on the ground? I don't know. Anyway, the story thickens. Then on the last night of with his friends, he had a meal with them.

They ate the last supper. Just for the record, they didn't know it was the last supper? They didn't know, did they? This is stupid. These stupid little girls. They ate their last supper. They didn't, did he know?

It was his last supper. Did he know? He might have known. He. They didn't, did he know? It was his last supper. Did he know? He might have known. He didn't fucking know, did he? He might have known. Well, that's the whole thing about one of you will betray me. Oh, he knew. It's like, he was like Columbo.

He knew the murder was coming. Just one last thing. Just one last thing. Judas. One of you. My wife is a great fan of your work. Hey, I love it. All right, anyway, the story.

He said that to remember him every time they had that supper. Why has Jesus got a clown mouth? He's got a weird clown mouth. He's flapping it like a Muppet, isn't it, in this video? Well, he's got, like, one inner circle and then a big flappy donut around the outside, like a clown. He's genius. He's allowed to have a floppy mouth.

He went to the garden to pray. Yes, I'm a mummy. Yes, I'm a mummy. They're not going to be able to pray Gethsemane. Gethsemane. They're not going to be able to pronounce it right. Why fucking get these kids? Get a professional in. Get a professional in. Get an adult to read the Bible.

Yeah, don't talk down to me. Who's this for? Who's this video for? Kids for kids. But I don't want to hear... If I'm a kid, I want to hear someone who can fucking talk properly. I want to hear the exact pronunciation of Gethsemane. Gethsemane.

I'm never going to know now. I don't know how to fucking talk properly. I want to hear the exact pronunciation of Gethsemane. Gethsemane. I'm never going to know now. I don't know how to fucking say it. But the disciples fell asleep with the donkey. Now, that brings up a whole series of questions. I didn't know about this. It's like, had a good night, they all got wrecked. And they all fell asleep with the donkey. Is this some kind of stag, dude?

It's like Sound for the Border sex show. After Jesus prayed, mean girls took them away. So drugs were bad. Jesus said that he was God's son. They didn't like it at all. You can't say that. There are many gods

and you're not the son of him. We're gonna be very cross with you. No! Is that your pun? Is that why we're watching this? Yeah, pretty much. It was all built around that one guy. How much more? Hang on, let's see where it goes.

The people got so mad that they put Jesus on a cross. His mom and his friends were very sad. Now, Mel Gibson's The Passion of Christ had been that brief. I might have enjoyed it more. Those, in three seconds, Mel Gibson told an excruciating detail over two hours. Have you seen The Passion?

Yeah, it's horrible. What's with the devil, baby? There are many questions I have about that. Really? What's with the devil, baby? That was never in the Bible, was it? Well, you know, The Passion Christ were propaganda to basically slur the Jewish people living in the countries.

And basically the idea was the Passion Play would go around and say, oh, poor Jesus, the Jews did this. Oh, poor Jesus. And it was kind of

a rally cry to join. A pogrom. Get rid of the Jews. Yeah. That was all part of that message, basically. The anti-Jews message. So he thought he'd...

Lots of spin back in the olden days with the Passion Story. Anyway, so blah blah blah, Jesus on the cross. They didn't draw that very well. There's no blood. There's no blood. The story continues.

They loved him. He died because he wanted to forgive our sins. That's not true. No, he died because they nailed him to a fucking pit of wood. He bled to death and then they stuck a spike up in his chest. That's why he. No, he died because they nailed him to a fucking pit of wood. He bled to death. And then they stuck a spike up in his chest. That's why he died, darling.

And also, there were political reasons why they wanted him dead as well. You know, there was all this unrest. They saw him as basically a terrorist and a hippie. And it was like, we're going to knock this on the head. Yeah. Get your facts right. Here we go. Here's the cave.

I can see this bitch coming out. Here we go. see this bit. Here we go. They brought him off the cross to a cave that had a stone so he couldn't

get out. What? Alright, so why would they put a flip? He's dead. Exactly. He's dead. They're not going

to put a stone. They must have known something was up. All these inconsistencies in this fucking story. They're all. It's like, when you die, right,

no one puts a big slab of concrete in case he gets out. We've heard rumour... You know what I mean? ...that this guy is a bit of an escapologist. Yeah. You know?

This could all be a massive David Blain stunt for all we know. If they were worried, they could have just decapitated him. They could have. I reckon this is all for show. Bullshit. Yeah, bullshit. Saturday, they were all sad and... That was not the origin of Saturday.

Is that the origin of Saturday? Who made this video? This is some terrible shit. Maybe was not the origin of Saturday. Is that the origin of Saturday? Who made this video? This is some terrible shit. Maybe some New Yorkers came on Saturday. It's Saturday. I'm sad, you're sad, it's Saturday. Today it will be Moggy, followed by Thuggy, Wengie, and Sagaday.

They were all scared. On a Sunday, they went to look and they saw he was not in there anymore. The tomb was empty. An angel told them that Jesus has risen from the dead. Creepy. Creepy, weird. Creepy, weird child. Why would you be happy about that?

The way that kid said it was like, Risen from the dead. Like Dracula. There he is. about that. The way that kid said it was like present time the dead. Like Dracula. They're here. Mary Sue or whatever her name was. Carol Sue. Carol Ann

from Poltergeist. Mary Sue. This cave is clean. Oh yeah. No that's the that's the Zelda. That's Zelda the psychic

who says that. She's called Zelda. Yeah I believe so. Or maybe the actress was called Zelda or something or other. She's dead. And so it's Jesus. Back to the psychic. She's called Zelda? Yeah, I believe so. Or maybe the actress was called Zelda or something or other. She's dead. And so it's Jesus.

Back to the story. The women came running to the disciples to tell them, but they would not believe them. Jesus came in the room. Came in the room. Could have picked a better phrase for that. Entered the room. Appeared in the room. Not busted a nut all over

the disciples. Anyway, the story. They were all surprised and they were all happy. Since they were so happy they had a month together. After they had so much fun, Jesus went onto a top of a hill and he waved goodbye all to his friends.

He said, I will come back someday. Bye, I'm gone. Tell everybody about me. And he went up to heaven. Or he was E.T. and went back to his home planet. He was E.T. I'm beginning to think he was E.T. Yeah. That's a very similar plot. Look, this stick figure appears to be using a mobile

phone. That's what they're doing. Why? Because culturally... How can they? This story's shit Saturday. Saturday. Is that true? We've already established, right, that these little bitches ought to shut up

and do some research. Anyway. The disciples, they told everybody that Jesus would... On their mobile phones they told everyone. They told. Telled everyone. It's been written by an adult. You know. And it's made...

You can tell that they've written it down for the kids to say and it's not actually as bad as the kids would actually speak. It's all this sort of faux childishness, isn't it? God, it's icky as fuck. Always forgive them. Now I know

that he loves me and my little sister Alicia and my mom and my dad and he loves everybody. That's why me and my little sister Alicia and my mom and my dad and he loves everybody. That's why me and my sister love to dress up and go to church and be pretty as we celebrate Easter. By celebrating, we say to Jesus, thank you and we love you. Right. That's Easter. That's Easter. That's Easter.

We've all learnt Easter now. It's explained it to me, actually. Yeah. So why does that mean he moved around? Why is it a moveable feast? That absolutely happened. He absolutely died on one day. He died on one day and rose on another day, a few days later.

So how can it be a different day every year? I don't know. Can I give you another test of Easter crassness from a Christian website? This is a song that definitely goes out of its way to say, Easter's fun if you like rabbits and stuff, but don't you dare fucking forget Jesus died horribly for your sins. I've never heard of such a weird tonal shift within a children's song. Let's see it. Listen to this.

I'm looking forward to this. Easter funny, looking kind of funny With your basket of eggs Children singing, what's the bunny bringing For me on Easter day Mum is cooking, while we're out there looking for the eggs hidden away. Have a banana. After church we gather round with family on this Easter day.

Two thousand years ago, Jesus died for our sins. All together now. Bunnies, bunnies, bunnies. Fuck Jesus. Bunnies. Bunnies are like eggs. Fuck Jesus. Bunnies. All are fluffy bunnies.

Nothing to do with that twat. You get the point with that anyway. That's right. Ooh, but remember, you sinned by just being born. So there you go, listeners. That's what Easter's all about. So once again, Ash has called in, leaving a message on our cheap show answer phone and uh left us a bit of easter factoids for us to mull over so let's see what he says on the phone ash

it's over to you hello no one is available to take your call please leave a message after the tone hello again cheap show pod ash Frith here. I want to tell you a little bit about Easter. It's probably my favourite holiday of the year. A time when children can go out and eat as much chocolate as they can possibly stuff down their throats, all the while enjoying

just how terrible the conditions that those dairy animals had to live in, forced to lactate, injected with all sorts of things to keep them pregnant and to have their calves and milk stolen away from them. Anyway, that's not important. What is important is that Easter is a jolly good time of the year. And the best thing for me about Easter is Easter egg hunts. Now, I have a son. Last year I sent him an easter egg hunt at my mum and dad's house

he did not return with any eggs I'd not put any in the garden he did return back with quite a few husky droppings though which are as you will know egg shaped they are not edible though and not recommended for young children a different type of easter egg hunt is the type of easter eggs you get in films so I wanted to run through a few of my favourite Easter eggs that you will find in some of the biggest blockbusters. I'm sure some of these you'll be aware of. Some of them maybe you're not aware of. The word Easter egg actually comes from... I don't know whether you know this.

I always thought it would just be because of an Easter egg hunt. You know, you're trying to find something hidden in a film. You know, it actually comes from the rocky horror picture show the film made in 1975 where the cast of the film actually did a real easter egg hunt i'm having trouble saying easter egg hunt they did a real easter egg hunt on the set of the film and just didn't collect up all of the eggs at the end of it. So during the film, you can actually see Easter eggs around and about in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, just there, sitting there. They shouldn't be there, but they are. They were never removed.

So that's where we get the term Easter eggs in movies from. Some of my favourites are in Fight Club, the movie, the Brad Pitt film. There is a Starbucks cup in almost every scene of that film which is a sort of symbol of how we're subtly advertised to by major corporations in films so that's my first one um the second one is um in the film death proof uh jack burton's vest from the film big trouble in little china is actually hanging up in a bar in one of the scenes. Both characters, both stars, Kurt Russell. I love the one

from Teen Wolf. If you're a fan of the Michael J. Fox film about him, well, it's basically him going through puberty, but he turns into a wolf, which I am hoping won't happen to my son when that time comes. The end of that film, as in lots of 80s films,

it ends with sort of a giant group scene with Teen Wolf being held above the crowd and sort of he's the hero of the day. But if you look at the back of the crowd, there's actually a guy who just opens up the flies of his jeans and just wangles his penis about, waggles it around in the faces of all the other people. It's there for all

to see. It's on the screen and the screen actually freezes. That's another thing they love to do in the 80s. It actually freezes on him with his cock out in the background. Absolutely brilliant. In the Mel Gibson film Apocalypto, which is about the Mayans and the downfall of the Mayan empire, there's genuinely, there's a scene where there's a mass Mayan grave, which is, I mean, it's a brutal film, but for one frame of that mass Mayan grave, there is a man dressed as Where's Wally just laying in amongst the corpses of the Mayan people,

which is bizarre. Apparently it took about four hours for them to actually film the one frame as well, for it to be chopped up and put in there. And set they were saying to the director mel gibson was it really necessary and he insisted that it was in there so you can look that up online you can actually see the guy dressed as where's wally laying on the floor of this mass grave um a brilliant one in indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark on some of the hieroglyphics there you can actually see R2-D2 and C-3PO obviously both films involved

George Lucas did he write Indiana Jones? I think he did I think my favourite if I haven't already said my favourite one of my favourites is in the Disney animated film The Rescuers, where you see

it's a lovely story about these little mice, and they're in a sort of, I think a flying carpet type thing, flying through the streets somewhere in America, presumably New York maybe, and as an animated film, in the distance, you see

just through the window a woman with her tits out and it's a very 1970s porno type picture it's on the screen for a couple of seconds and again i recommend you looking up online it's one of the most uh sexually explicit things you could ever see um and that is my favorite one i think of all of them other than of course jessica rabbit's vagina which is clearly visible for a few uh frames in who framed roger rabbit or on some of the older dvd versions on the new ones they've actually made it to her dress covers it when it flaps up which is a big shame for me remember jessica rabbit is a human being and not a rabbit her surname is rabbit because she's married to roger rabbit so there is nothing perverted is a big shame for me. Remember, Jessica Rabbit is a human being and not a rabbit.

Her surname is Rabbit because she's married to Roger Rabbit. So there is nothing perverted about doing anything to that film. It's perfectly acceptable, even though she is, yes, agreed, still an animated character. Well, happy Easter, guys. Eat lots of chocolate.

Do think about how abhorrent it is to farm deer animals. But, you know, don't let that stop the enjoyment of your time. Happy Easter. I hope to see you both soon. Bye. Well, that was interesting facts. Lots of interesting stuff.

Lots of interesting stuff. Or if it was personal stories about Easter, they were very interesting stories. We should have listened to this before. I didn't listen. I didn't listen to it. It's fine. We'll just cover the bases.

That was very good. What's the next section of the show, Paul? Well, wouldn't you like to know? Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. Okay. So it's Easter time. I thought I'd go through the pound shops and 99p stores and all those kind of places to

find Easter tat in terms of food and or toys. Oh, great. So what do you want to start with, toys or candy? Toys. Toys, alright. So, first one is this, right? It is a paint your own egg, great for arts and crafts. You like

painting eggs at Easter? Yeah. Are they real eggs? No. No, that'd be weird. It comes in a real egg carton box. That's a good egg carton. And when you open it up, inside is a little I think it's clay. A little clay egg.

It's a clay, yes, a ceramic egg of some sort. And you get two little paint pots. Just two colours? Is that it? Blue and pink. The international paint colours of United Kingdom. Get a little brush and some stickers. One for a boy, one for a girl, isn't it? It's like the girl will want pink and the boy will want blue.

Fascists. Isn't it? And you get a little thing and a lot of things. Gender fascists. That's who made this. Oh, there's some bunny ears you can stick on. Yeah, it's a whole thing. So I'm allowed to have a go on this, am I?

Yeah, do you want to have a little go of it? See what you can make? In about 30 seconds, what you can make. Okay Yeah, it's a whole thing. So I'm allowed to have a go on this, am I? Yeah, do you want to have a little go of it? See what you can make? In about 30 seconds, what you can make. Okay, I'm getting the brush out. Yeah, get the brush out. I'm getting the ears out. I'm going to ignore the ears. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to open the pink paints. Oh, it's very gloopy. All right, so what are you going to paint for us on the egg? What are you going to design? He's getting with the pink first. He's dibble-dabbling it. Oh, he's doing very well there. Oh, let's have a look.

He's splashing it on the top. I don't know what he's making out, because I can't quite see it from this angle, but it's definitely pink. It's a mouth. Oh, it's a mouth. Okay. Show it to the camera over here.

I'm filming this bit. All right, all good. Pink eyes, obviously. But not pink eye. Oh, not pink eye, which is what rabbits have as well. Well, no all good. Pink eyes, obviously. But not pink eye. Oh, but not pink eye, which is what rabbits have as well. Well, no, that's myxomatosis. Oh.

Is he a DJ? DJ myxomatosis. Have you noticed the pink eye, it was a joke in... It wasn't a joke in South Park. It was a thing that existed that South Park made a reference about.

Oh, they started it, did they? Yeah. Because it was also in Superbad. Yeah. And it was also in... But I think Pink Eye's always been a thing. ...Knocked Up. Yeah.

That one about the pregnancy. Yeah. Yeah, but it seems to be like a real feature in American comedy now. Yeah. I don't remember it from years past. It just sort of crept in. I guess it's just a trend.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. There's a trend for Pink Eye jokes. I guess it's all the rage now. I just wanted to mention that. Yeah, I'm glad you did. Stop. Think of another poo-related. Yeah, I'm glad you did. Stop. Think of another poo-related disease or something.

Dysentery. You don't get dysentery from a pooey pillow, though, do you? I don't know. How many people have poo on their pillow? That's my concern. Well, that's the point. Oh. That's the joke.

Oh. So you wipe it off. They get it off a pillow because someone's got a dirty bot bot. Right, so there's the eyes and the mouth and the nose. Nicely done. And here. Oh, I like this. pillow because someone's got just do this you're making far too much effort dirty bot bot right so there's the eyes and the mouth and the nose nicely done and here oh i like this i like those strokes like seeing elise stroke in front of me here's the cock and balls oh you are painting cock and balls on it you thought i wasn't gonna for a second but yeah oh that's a real button mushroom as well. Yeah, it's a real toadstool of a dick. And the pubes are not so successful.

No, a bit too broad a brush for that. You can see the general outline of his cocks poking up from the bottom of the egg. And that's your lot. Is that it? That's all you're going to do to it? That's meant to be fun for kids. Well, you've just drawn a cock and balls. If I got that and I didn't get chocolate. Basically, what you've done is drawn yourself on an egg.

It needs a little pot, a little kind of beard, and it'll be you, that. All right, I'll do the beard in blue, shall I? Yeah. Here we go. There you go. Paint a little Eli beard on. There you go.

Oh, how beautiful. It's like watching Rolf Harris at work. Can you guess what it is yet? It's my cock. And it's pressing up against you. Merry Easter, everybody. So how's that going? That's sure. I quite like the effect

of the beard. It's like a stubble. It's got a stubble effect now. It's lovely. But that only cost a quid. And to be honest, for a quid, it's not bad. If I was given that as a kid, I'd be like, fucking hell. Yeah, but you said that to most gifts that you were given, I'm not bad. If I was given that as a kid, I'd be like, fucking hell. Yeah, but you said that to most gifts that you were given, I'm sure. No, I didn't.

I like gifts. Fucking PlayStation. But this is awful. You know, you've done an egg and... Look, I think that's pretty cool. For a quid, that's not too bad. Well, I'd keep them occupied for a little while, wouldn't it? Yeah, and that's the point.

It's keeping you occupied. You seem to be enjoying yourself. I am enjoying it. You see? Look, he's got blue balls now. Hide that egg in a kid's garden and see where it gets you. Yeah, look, the cock is indistinct.

The worst bit of that is the cock. You often get that, though, don't you? I can't feel it. I promise you it's in there, love. Shut up. Right. There you go. What other toys have we got?

Easter Block Tech. Tiny knock-off Easter Lego. Oh, yeah. Pass it over. There you go. What other toys have we got? Easter Block Tech. Tiny knock-off Easter Lego. Oh, yeah. Pass it over. There you go. Right. So what is that? It's a duck.

It's a duck and I think a basket with some square eggs in. Wow, that's a really... It's bizarre. Isn't it? I don't want you to get it all out, actually, at this point, because I think it's just going to be a mess and we're not going to build the whole thing in the next 30 seconds. Shut up.

So just have a look at the quality. Just have a little look inside. I'm having a look. Have a fish inside my box. Don't tell me what to do. I am telling you what to do, because I produce this podcast, and that's my literal job. Do you organise the organisation of the show?

Listen to me, Paul. Did you do that? Without me on this podcast. But do you, though? What would it be? It'd be you fucking going, oh, I like Ghostbusters. But then that would be a Ghostbusters podcast. What would it be? It'd be you fucking going, oh, I like Ghostbusters. But then that would be a Ghostbusters podcast.

And it'd be shit. It wouldn't be. It would be par excellence. All right? It would be the best Ghostbusters podcast you or any other little fucking troglodyte would ever experience. Troglodyte now.

Look, I'm opening your shitty box. Get your fingers in my box and pull out. There you go. Wow, how are they allowed to make this stuff that's just like Lego? Because Lego doesn't really have a copyright. It doesn't? Strictly on building blocks. No.

And they can ever so slightly alter the design and get away with moida. Is that what this is? Yeah, pretty much. I did not know that. And Lego weren't even the first people to come up with building blocks of that type. Oh, really? They're just the most successful company? Yeah, there was an internet meme not too long ago that said,

well before Lego was built, there were tons of stuff just like Lego that wasn't successful or caught on, and exactly the same thing, little plastic blocks with little pegs that clicked all together. So, you know. I never knew that. So there you go. What was Lego's secret? It was the sets? I don't know why it caught on.

I think it was because they just hit the wave at the right time, yo, and they had the kind of sexless, any boy, any girl can play with this toy. It was cross-gender. Yeah, it was cross-gender. Well, that's awful. I'll build that and put it up on the website when all done so everyone can see it in all its shitty glory. But there we go.

Now it's time for the chocolate egg sensation. Yay. Right, so we'll get this one out of the way. Tiny little bag of chocolate eggs. I'll read it out to you. It says, bunny and chicks, happy Easter. Oh, so they're not really eggs. The little tinfoil around the egg shape has little birds or bunnies on.

Let's try them out, shall we? Well, you know, they've gone to some effort with the tinfoil, haven't they? But I think that's where it stopped. The chocolate inside has got that slightly greying. And it feels like ail, haven't they? But I think that's where it stopped. The chocolate inside has got that slightly greying and it feels like a nut, doesn't it? It feels like a little

soft nut. It feels like a soft nut. Yeah. Yeah, it's that kind of chocolate. It's like chocolate mani chocolate, isn't it?

Oh. Not good. Oh, kind of mouldy taste. It's got a little bit of fucking rot to it. Yeah. Oh, dude.

It's got like a damp sock sort of finish. I love damp socks. That's not good. You know what? Something I don't get about me is I'll put something in my mouth and go, oh, it's disgusting. And then put the whole thing in to follow it. He said it. He said it.

Well, we've all learned something there, unfortunately. Go on. Since we're doing cheap eats on this, out of 10? It's a standard five. I would go four. It's got way too sharp a kind of sugary tang to it. It's not good chocolate. Chemically tangy shit.

But that's the thing with Easter. It's never good chocolate, is it? It's always... It's just got a picture of some twat on it. If it's got basically cocoa in, some sugar and a little bit of milk, and it's in a mould of a coin or an egg, I can get it out the door, job done. What else have we got next? Well, I got two Easter eggs.

Because you go to Poundlands now and you think there are going to be loads of knock-off cheap eggs. Actually, it turns out they have most brands there now. Poundlands and things like that usually do well. They do deals with these companies like Cadbury's and say, give us your Poundland alternative that we can stock for us. So the eggs are usually a little bit shorter or not filled with candy and things like that. They're sort of bottom end of the market. So they want to go for like Malteser eggs or Cadbury's cream egg eggs because we know

they're going to be basically fine. So I got two eggs. Do you like a cream egg? Where do you stand on a cream egg? I'm fine with cream eggs. I can only really eat one and then I'm fine for a while. I had one. I had one the other day.

It was okay. Yeah. I think it's bullshit now that when you buy a box of them you don't get six, you get five and also they're slightly smaller and they're slightly different chocolate in. Now, thanks to the Americans buying up Cadbury's, Kraft, and fucking up the recipe. Ah. So, fuck you very much, Kraft. Okay.

So I got two eggs that just seemed generic. I got one, I'll tell you what the two eggs are. There is one called Shopkins. I'd never heard of that brand No Although it's made by a company called Kinnerton We are a caring company And we promise that all our yummy creations

Have none of the nasty artificial flavours and additives And there is no nut anywhere near our chocolate At any time in our factory Apart from my nut Yeah, Bob dips his balls in May contain Bob's nuts Apart from my nut. Yeah, Bob dips his balls in. May contain Bob's nuts. It's getting a bit pure, aren't they? It is getting a bit pure.

Ladies and gentlemen. So Shopkins. Shopkins. It must be some kind of children's cartoon. Once you shop, you can't stop. And on the front of the box, again, I think I've taken a picture of it. It's basically like they've anthropomorphised a bunch of... Food.

Food. There's like a cookie and a lipstick and an egg and a donut, always smiling faces. It's always slightly strange, that, isn't it? I mean, it's like you're eating the happy donut. Yeah, it's weird. So, I mean... But they do in the Far East, they go mad with that, don't they?

Like happy fish, you know, smiling fish and all of that. Yeah, well, that was on QI, I think. There was a whole thing about in this country, if there's baby food, you put a baby's face on it because it's baby food and ha-ha-ha, smiley face to sell the brand. But in Africa, where they sell the same product, they just go by what's on the front

because some people there can't read or they're not as educated as others. What's on the front is what's in it, yeah. So if you put a baby on a face of food, there's a baby in that. Yeah. Nom, nom, nom, nom. So, all right, you get an egg in it.

Not too bad. Small egg. Is it small? It's a small fist. And a little milk chocolate bar made with special care in the UK. No nasties. Oh, it's all this very kind, no nasties.

It just means it's going to taste shit and they have a very good reason for it. So I'm going to break this egg up, take a little bit, have a little bite, get it down tonight. Yeah, again, over-sweet, I'd say. It's not as bad as the little mini eggs. It's not. It's got a smoother finish.

Yeah. And less of that kind of dank, mouldy finish that little egg had. But it's got a weird kind of... I don't know how to describe it, so I'm going to describe it this way. And hopefully you'll get what I mean. Like a woodland quality.

Do you know what I mean? No, of course I don't know what you mean. It's got a treehouse kind of vibe. Oh, fuck off. If they can drink a bottle of wine and say, oh, it's fruity, it reminds me of hay balms and scarecrows. What? It's fruity? It tastes of fruit. It's fucking made

of grapes. Is that a big leap of the imagination? Yes, when they say, oh, it's like a barn and a stable and a... They never say that. They do. I don't know how to describe it, so I'm going to describe it like this. Woodland. It's got this kind of, I'm eating it outside atmosphere. I don't know. That's good then, isn't it? I'm going to try the... It's better than a

barnyard vibe, isn't it? I'm going to try the little chocolate bar that came with it. I'm going to presume it's got almost the exact same type of chocolate. Woodland? Or is it more of a paddock? It's more seaside-y. It's more of a copse.

What the fuck are you talking about? It's a hillock. You pillock? That was fine. That's quite nice, I think. It's alright. So there's no toys in there or anything? No, nothing like that.

It's chocolate. Milk chocolate, Easter egg and chocolate bar. That's it nice, I think. It's alright. So there's no toys in there or anything? No, nothing like that. There's chocolate. Milk chocolate Easter egg and chocolate bar. That's it. Shopikins. Yeah. And the next one, Marvel themed box, milk chocolate egg with candy coated marshmallows. Oh, yeah. So it's interesting this because obviously

you'd think, oh, they put the Avengers from the movies on, but no, they've gone classic Marvel with, you know, the whole, I think it's Jack Kirby style drawings. I think I might be wrong on that. Yeah, I'd say that was Jack Kirby style. Do you think that's Jack Kirby-esque? It's kind of the more recognisable version of those characters, isn't it? Yes.

It's definitely sort of Golden Age style. Classic. I like that. Real Milk Chocolate, it says. Bon Bon Buddies make this. There's Daredevil. Daredevil's on it. Interesting.

Captain America. He was kind of more of a dark character, wasn't he? Yeah, Daredevil. Daredevil's on it. Interesting. Captain America. He was kind of more of a dark character, wasn't he? Yeah, Daredevil. Yeah, he's much more adult. I think he's a good character, Daredevil.

Yeah. There is Angry Hammer Man. Thor. Green Bloke. Hulk. Robot suit. Iron Man. Yeah.

Spider-Man on the top. Yeah. Super-Gran on the bottom. There's no Super-Gran. I wish that would be a great Super-Gran egg. She never caught on, did she, Super-Gran? Shame, that. That wider. Well, Supergran on the bottom. There's no Supergran. I wish that would be a great Supergran egg. She never caught on, did she, Supergran?

Shame that. That wider. Well, this one at least comes in a lovely little plastic tray. Look at those marshmallows. That's what I'm waiting for. Fuck the egg.

It's going to taste exactly the same. Let's do due diligence to this chocolate egg. I can't even get it out It's slightly smaller than the Shopkins egg. I would say it's

a little bit smaller, yeah. Oh, it's got a hard... It's hard. Um... Uh... Shopkins egg. I would say it's a little bit smaller, yeah. Oh, it's got a hard... It's hard. Now, I don't know how to describe this, so I'm going to describe it like this. It's like a doorway. No, it's very... Well, no, that's not as good as the Shopkins, is it?

No, it's not. It kind of just feels a little bit ephemeral. Yeah, I know what you mean. You know what I mean? No finish. No, there's no finish to it. The mouthfeel is a bit weak as well. There's no amplitude, is there,

to this one, really? It's got all the ingredients there, but they don't convalesce. The amplitude is much better. Shut up. Yeah, they're on purpose. You did not. You don't know how to say

the word coalesce. Yeah, not as much amplitude as the Shopkins. Now, what I'm looking forward to... You're looking forward to these, aren't you? I've never had one of these before. I've never had a marshmallow covered in, I presume, a candy, sugary...

A candy shell. It's a candy-coated marshmallow. Let's have a look. So first for me, last one over. All right, here we go. So, like a little pink marshmallow with a hard shell. Oh! They're all right, aren't they?

They're actually not bad. They're all right. aren't they? They're actually not bad. They're all right. They're very sugary. And they taste of, um, Berkshire. That's a strawberry flavour, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah.

They're all right. Do you want them? I don't want them. Journey home? Mate, I've already... I've had... I can still taste the eugenics biscuit. That's basically what it is

from the last episode. Yes. It's not like we're recording the episodes back to back. Shut up. Very busy man. What would you give that out of ten? Did we rate the other one? No.

Last egg, I would probably give that six and a half, seven. What, the Shopikens? Yeah. Yeah. Six and a half. Yeah, six. What about Marvel? I'm liking that more. I'm going to say seven. Is that because of fine. Six and a half. Yeah, six. What about Marvel? I'm liking that more.

I'm going to say seven. Is that because of the candies? Those are good. Those are good. The weakness of the chocolate. I like, you know, what's the point with the Shopping Kids? You've got the chocolate egg, and then it's like, oh, and a chocolate bar as well, made of exactly the same thing.

Yeah, there's no point in that. What's there's no variety? Too much chocolate. I want some jelly sweets, or some... Jelly beans, or gummies, or something like that. Yeah. Variety. A bit of that. Or something, yeah. Variety. A bit of variety.

At the very least. And that's a novel item to me, a candy-covered marshmallow. I've never... I've never seen this before. And it works. It's an innovation. It is an innovation. It's worked.

So, actually, I've talked myself into giving it more marks here. Eight. Eight? I'm saying eight, yeah. All right, I'm going to give it a six. It's got the classic characters on the box. Yeah, you know... Mate, listen.

Compared to the One Direction eggs, you remember that we had a few years ago? That was vile. That was a fucking aberration. It was just horrible. Vile. It was very, very, very... Powdery.

No, what's the word I'm looking for? Boxer. No, it was very kind of South Downs. Shut up. You've gone weird. Last thing. Last chocolate egg. Yes, what is it? T gone weird. Last thing. Last chocolate egg. Yes, what is it? Toto Eggs. Toto? What's Toto?

Toto as in? Not the band. As in the dog from? They're basically Kinder Egg knock-offs. I believe. So, you know, chocolate egg and a little toy inside. There's a toy inside. These were a quid. A quid for three? I'll open one. So what's the egg taste like? Well, it's just chocolate And a little toy inside. There's a toy inside. These were a quid. Quid for three? Yeah.

I'll open one. So what's the egg taste like? Well, it's just chocolate, so it's not like Kinder Egg, where it has the chocolate and the kind of white chocolate thing, which works for me. I like that. Oh, there's a high vanilla content, isn't there? Oh.

It's like it wants to be Kinder. Yeah. But it's not. It's kind of vanilla-y, isn't it? Yeah. It's cloying. It's very cloying. All right, let's have a quick look at the toy inside. Chocolate. Oh, God. It's not. It's kind of vanilla-y, isn't it? It's cloying. It's very cloying. All right, let's have a quick look at the toy inside.

Chocolate. Oh, God. It's not too bad. Well, I will say this for Toto toys. They're like the old Kinder Eggs, where you get a toy in thousands of pieces that are easily swallowed by small kids. Oh, I've got some kind of poo truck. You do have a little poo truck.

I have a tanker. Like a boat tanker. I have literally tanker. Like a boat tanker. I have literally, you know like those big boats you see full of crates that sail across the ocean delivering food? Oh, yeah, container ship. Yeah, it's one of those. I've got a train. It's not coming together.

It's awkwardly fitting together. Oh, no, it's there. You've got a train with poo on. Yes. Poo train. Poo train. Do you know where Delivering poo To every place

Right I'm going to stick that there Stick that there This has been a great episode I am loving this episode There we go There we go Yucksy

There we go Right This is great podcasting Two men Playing with children's toys That they can't put together They got in an egg Well look

That will do There's a train. There's a boat. What? That is a... No. Now, see, this is where the quality difference comes in. That is not up to the standards of kinder.

No, it's not. Is it? They're quite cool, some of those kinder toys. Yeah. That is... I don't get that. I mean, it's just one carriage of a train. You don't even get the front carriage.

It's literally carrying poo. I mean, it's a heap of soil. There's a little boat. I mean, yours is better. You don't even get the front carriage. It's literally carrying poo. I mean, it's a heap of soil. I mean, yours is better. You think? It's a little bit more conceptually together, you know? I'll have that. Yeah. Alright, so what would you give that then? Those out of ten. Toto eggs. Four.

Four. Not very good. Yeah, how can we give... I mean, that is pointless. Literally, if I thought I was going to get a toy and I got a poo carriage, I would just be, I mean... Poo carriage. You know what I mean? Yeah, you want the locomotion at the front more than the carriage. You want the engine, yeah.

How many eggs do you have to buy on the off chance you're going to get it as well? Because it's all mystery. You don't know. Maybe it's one of those things. So what's the best thing out of everything we've had there? The clay egg? Or the, what else? The chocolate Toto eggs?

Or the Marvel one? Or the Shopkins Toto eggs, or the Marvel one, or the Shopkins thing, or finally... The Marvel one. Out of everything. Yeah, I say. Out of everything, the Marvel one's the best. What else did we have? Oh, and the Lego blocks.

Yeah, that was crap. The Lego blocks. All right, the Marvel egg. That's our recommendation. If you go to Poundland, get your Marvel egg. If nothing else, you get a sugary candy. And to end this Easter special, we're going to do something we've not done in a long while.

It's Eli's Top Three. Yes, it's my bit, my Top Three. That bit where he picks three things, and violently disagrees with my conjecture with them things. That was very articulate, Paul. Well done. So, my top three this week. Yeah.

Eli's top three instant noodles. Oh, you know your noodles, don't you? I'm a bit of a noodle nut. Aren't you just? I would say you're a noodle bore. I'm a bit of a noodle bore. Don't get me started on noodles. And that's the end Of the episode

No I'm gonna do my top three I'll just do it Let's get this over and done with Right Number In third place Yeah

Amino The thing is I know nothing about noodles So I can't go Well just fucking shut up And be educated then Okay Shut up

And learn something About cuisine Okay Yeah Instant noodles Yeah Yeah I'm sorry

Egon Nerone. I didn't know all of a sudden you were going to be like, oh, noodles. Listen, Paul. You eat pizza that you buy for £1.50 from Iceland. I haven't done that in like three years. You rate Ghostbusters higher than The Shining.

Yeah, I do. I do. That's objective. Alarm bells. He's an idiot. Who is this guy? He's an idiot. I do. I do. That's subjective. Alarm bells. That's subjective. He's an idiot. Who is this guy? He's an idiot. Doesn't know how to eat.

You will not touch something that comes from the sea. So what does that mean? Meaning you are a repressed homosexual, which we'll skirt over. Digging, digging, digging. Eli keeps on digging. His argument is crap. What a wank bastard in third place yeah

amino brand yeah gherkin flavoured noodle excellent what a great choice couldn't say it better next one shut up

next one it's great that one it's a gherkin flavoured they're from Poland yeah great Paul you're pissing me off now you're starting to piss me off now

gherkins are great go on it's a gherkin flavoured noodle yeah see what an instant noodle does yeah it tries to adapt to the culture. Yeah. Because they were invented in Japan, obviously. Not obviously, but some people don't know that, obviously.

But they were invented. Shut up. Stop saying that. All right. Gherkin flavour by Amino. So they're Polish, and they also have a borscht flavour, like a beetroot soup flavour noodle. They're Polish, and they also have a borscht flavour,

like a beetroot soup flavour noodle. So they've adapted to the cuisine of the area from whence that noodle comes. And do they taste good? Do you know what the gherkin one tastes like? Gherkin? No, but you remember those scratch and sniff stickers that you used to get that were pickle gherkin flavour? Remember the smell of those?

Yeah. That's what that tastes like. So fake gherkin. It's lovely. That's disgusting. It is absolutely lovely. Do you like kind of jelly deals and like pickled eggs? No, I do not like those.

Your palate's fucking weird. You're weird. You're weird and you're ugly. And repressed homosexual. Not that that's a bad thing. You've got a dick like a gnome's hat. I've got a dick, sorry, get it right. I've got a dick like a crow's beak perching on a pair of ping pong balls.

You've got a dick like a midget's knuckle. Go on. Right. So that's in third place. Yeah. See, in Britain, they've tried to... No footnotes. Get on with it.

Number two. Listen, I'm going to do my top three and I'm going to fucking do it. In second place. Yeah. Mama. By the Spice Girls. No, Mama. Their Christmas numberice Girls. No, Mama. Their Christmas number one hit.

No, it's a brand of fucking noodle. All right. Mama. So not impressed with this. Creamy, creamy Tom Young flavour. Lucky Tom. Fuck you. Do you like putting Tom in your mouth?

Creamy shrimp Tom Young flavour. Oh, lovely. It's a classic noodle and the Mama noodles which come out of Thailand, they are actually boiled in stock so the noodle has a flavour

it's not just a plain noodle the noodle has some flavour it's imbued with like confit yeah it's imbued with a flavour that's not what that is but anyway what's confit then?

that's like when you get a duck and you put it in its own fat that's same difference it's not anything like it it's like when you have a bath shut up so mama see they've got two they've got two type of Tom Yum.

Yeah. Just shrimp Tom Yum. Yeah. And creamy. Shrimp Tom Yum. You've got to get the creamy. It's a classic two-pack noodle with the Tom Yum. So do you like Tom to be extra creamy by and large when you put it in your mouth?

Oh, fuck off. And in first place, Eli's Top Noodle. Yeah. This is great top three. Something I can really engage with and comment on. Well, you should just get a life, mate. Yeah. Get a life.

This is all from the guy giving me a top three instant noodles list. Listen, there's people out there who appreciate what I'm saying. No, they don't. And who are into noodles. All right. Good. All right. If anyone exists, please get in touch with the show.

Yes, please do because I know you're out there and we've got to fight against this ignorance, this willful ignorance in first place. Fucking Muppet. Lobster flavour,

coca. Lobster flavour. Oh, it's got the sauce pack. Very sesame. Lovely. Coca's a brand. K-O-K-A. K-O-K-A. K-O-K-A K-O-K-A

K-O-K-A coca and they've got a lobster you know you don't often see a lobster flavour but they're owning it it's a great

very versatile well they literally do don't they it's a versatile noodle yeah and it's a lovely broth this is great stuff

and so to sum up yeah in first place gherkins no lobster coca lobster second place mama you like the coca lobster creamy great stuff. And so, to sum up, in first place, gherkins. No. Lobster. Coca lobster. Second place, mama. You like the

coca lobster? Creamy shrimp Tom Young. So you like creamy Tom in your mouth, you like coca lobster and you like little gherkins. Amino gherkin flavour in third place. Who's the repressed sexual one? I'm the repressed sexual? Yeah, you're the repressed pansexual. That's my top three.

Shut up, Paul. Here's my top three. Shut up, Paul. Here's my top three into noodles. Pot noodle, pot noodle, pot noodle. You fucking philistine. Beef, chicken and mushroom. Yeah, that's what I mean. So they tried. Shish kebab.

In this country, they try and make these noodles, you know, conform to British cuisine. So you had a sort of Yorkshire hot pot flavoured super noodle. Beef into that. Oh, mate. It's fucking... Shit. Don't start me on the fucking accent.

Hey, your fucking accent. You can't do any accents. Go on, do your Mexican. Hello. I like to dance. Do your Spanish. Hello. I like to dance.

Right, on that bombshell, it's time to say goodbye. We hope you have a merry Easter, no matter what chocolate you put in your mouth honestly get in touch about the noodles

because I'm going to prove this fucker wrong he's very lonely please do it you can reach out to us at any of these Twitter accounts first of all

the podcast has a Twitter account that is at thecheapshowpod please join us we'll put pictures up there from all the shows also you can follow me

I'll get pictures of the noodles I'm going to put pictures of the noodles yeah please do send me the pics and I'll put them up. All right? I will. I will.

Okay. But you've got to do that otherwise they won't go up. I will get them, those pics, as soon as I get my phone fixed. Yeah, good. All the many fucking problems you have in your life.

Then you can reach out to us personally. I am at Paul Gannon's show. He's Eli Snowid. That's E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. You can indeed say hello to us. Be our friends on twitter eli needs the company apparently with his little don't get well i'm a lonely tramp am i yeah is that how you're

just gonna you're gonna fucking sign off with a bit of nastiness yeah after you fucking totally denigrated the one thing i'm fucking interested in noodles you're gonna sign off oh he's a tramp he smells yeah pretty much how many times per show do you have to fucking say that I don't say you're a twat all the time who gobbled you his language and can't fucking speak properly

you do every episode shut your fucking speak so you can follow us on all those

what's my knob like Paul what's my knob like eh what's my knob like your knob like is like a cobbler's knee it's like you said like a midget's knuckle. Yeah, it did.

So yeah, follow us on those Twitter accounts. Also, if you've got anything for us... Your knob's like a flatworm. Shut up, I'm doing the sign-off. Also, you can go to our website, www.thecheapshow.co.uk. We have enhanced versions of the podcast for each episode. Now we are putting up pictures and videos to accompany the show, so you know what we've been watching and looking at. Every podcast's up there. We have enhanced versions of the podcast for each episode. Now we are putting up pictures and videos to accompany the show so you know what we've been watching and looking at.

Every podcast up there, we have a blog. We have videos, clips, all kinds of stuff. Please visit us there. Get involved. Reach out to us. If you've got anything you found in a charity shop, give them to us. And finally, if you listen to us on iTunes or Stitcher or SoundCloud, please like us.

Please subscribe. Please give us a nod. Please give us a recommendation and spread the word because that's how we grow as a podcast and Paul Snob looks like some kind of sea creature yeah a

fucking kraken what like all tentacles yeah smells of fish my dick is a Lovecraftian nightmare coming at you indescribable and hard hard to fathom

oh the nameless one yeah my dick is the nameless one. That's been our Easter special of The Cheap Show. My name's been Paul Gannon. I'm Eli Silverman. Why don't you all fuck off? I'm working on my sign-offs.

I need to get better at my sign-offs. We'll see you next time.