CheapShow - Ep 180: Boiled Beef & Carrots

Starting point is 00:00:00 Eli has been a very naughty boy this week, boys and girls, boys and girls. I'll tell you for why. He's kept yours truly, Paul Gannon, star of Cheap Show, waiting for not 15 minutes, not half an hour, not even one hour. One hour's 30's pushing it. This monster of a human being, this trash pile, kept me waiting for two hours. I did not. I called you.

Starting point is 00:00:22 And here he is, everyone's favourite fucking Cheap Show character, Eli the Twat Silverman. Fuck off, Paul. If you're going to start off on this fucking foot, on a smelly foot, if you're going to start off like this, I'm going to say something fucking totally random. You do every week.

Starting point is 00:00:39 This is the formula of Cheap Show. Right, right. Listen. Have you ever thought, what if people called Andrew, right, if people called Andrew were called Randrew? I haven't, and actually, you've swayed me to your argument, sir. There you go. That's what I've spent two hours fucking doing. Right, here's a question for you.

Starting point is 00:01:00 What? You know William is Billy? Yes. Why? Why is there a B in there? Will. Because it sounds like Will. It rhymes with Will. So, rather than just say Will, they decided to just say Bill.

Starting point is 00:01:12 It's like Theodore is Ted, isn't it? It's similar. No, but why isn't it Billiam? I'd like to have a friend called Billiam. Randrew and Billiam. What about Dickian? Dickian, that's an actual name. Dickon, that's a real name as well. Dickon.

Starting point is 00:01:27 Welcome to Cheap Zone, ladies and gentlemen, the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I go for the bargain bins at charity shops and junk sales of Great Britain and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Eli says, pfft, boff. Rand Drew. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles.

Starting point is 00:01:57 It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And a go and a nuzzle

Starting point is 00:02:32 Big week next week Mr Silverman What's happening next week Paul? Yeah you should know The big winky The big winky The big winky reveal It's not only our big winky episode But but it's also our fifth birthday, basically. The beginning of June.

Starting point is 00:02:50 How time has flown. It's flown by like a seagull searching for its soul upon the horizon of the ocean, chasing the setting sun. Oh, God, that's just full of nonsense, isn't it? I'm sorry, Rillium. Rill god, that's just full of nonsense, isn't it? I'm sorry, Rillium. Rillium, that's good. I thought I'd just come up to your level. I'm like a seagull

Starting point is 00:03:14 who's spotted an ice cream and then swoops down, but it's a cornetto and I don't like those. Why does a seagull have a preference? Because he's a picky seagull. He likes curry, only two things. Curry and those sort of red licorice shoelaces you get. So beware.

Starting point is 00:03:34 I will swoop. I'll swoop down. I'll swoop down on you. I'll swoop all around. Eli, come here. Can we step outside the podcast for just a second? I don't know if we can. If we're in two different physical locations, Paul.

Starting point is 00:03:47 Where are we going to go? Into the holodeck? Is it the holopod deck? Is it a new thing called the holopod deck, which we're going to step into? And you're going to put a sci-fi noise in. Come on. Beam me to the holodeck pod outside the pod,

Starting point is 00:04:01 and then we can have a word, yeah? Fine. Put the noise in. Bleep, bleop, bleep. I'm going to beam you into the holopod and step outside the podcast but into another yet as fictional construct as the podcast itself.

Starting point is 00:04:21 Okay, I'm here, Paul. I can't see you. Eli. There's been an accident. Oh, fuck's sake. The phaser didn't complete properly, Paul. What have you come back without? My hands.

Starting point is 00:04:35 What? No, is it just normal hand? Is that why it looks weird to you? Is it just a normal hand now? Yes. As opposed to a pig's trotter. I've got normal hand. Right, what did you want to say? What did you fucking want to say? Hands like pig's trotter. I've got normal hands. Right, what did you want to say?

Starting point is 00:04:45 What did you fucking want to say? I just want to say you've got hands like pig's trotters. Is that what you came outside the podcast for? No, I came outside to say I'm not feeling it this week, mate. I'm not feeling it. God, I'm not feeling it. Right, we're just going to have to get through. Not only is it really hot.

Starting point is 00:05:03 Yeah. It's just really hot for a start. And two hours ago, I was full of beans. Right, we're just going to have to get through. Not only is it really hot, it's just really hot for a start. And two hours ago, I was full of beans. Oh, come on, mate. Get your beans back. Put your beans back in. Reuse your beans. Flick your beans.

Starting point is 00:05:14 My beans are lacking. My beans are dry. They've been dried out and left on some toweling. If your beans are dry and then you flick them, do they rattle? No, they shatter into dust. That's like one of those things. If a tree falls down in the woods, does it make a noise? If your beans are dry,

Starting point is 00:05:32 if you flick your beans and they're dry, does it make a rattle? No, it doesn't. That's ridiculous. If you flick your dry bean, will it turn to dust? One bean, that's like one hand clapping. One dry bean in the wind. Yeah, but the dry bean will it turn to dust? One bean? That's like one hand clapping. One dry bean in the wind. Yeah, but the dry

Starting point is 00:05:48 bean is being observed during this process so there's nothing about it which is existential. Okay, now have you got like a Tales from the Shop floor maybe? Mate, I'm just going to beam you back into the podcast. I've so wanted to say... Oh right, sorry. I forgot we were outside the podcast. It's a very good facsimile. It's very good. The hollow

Starting point is 00:06:04 space is very good with the spoingy walls. Blue's a very good facsimile. It's very good. The hollow space is very good with the spoingy walls. Blue spoingy walls. Boing. Nice. So, yeah. Phase us back over. Nah, I'm done, mate.

Starting point is 00:06:13 I'm done. Thank you for listening to Cheap Show this week. Join us next week for our fifth birthday episode. Bye. Shall I stop recording now? No. That's like a fake walkout.

Starting point is 00:06:37 You've managed to do the fake walkout. You've done it. You've transposed the fake walkout into, I'm stopping. Well, mate, I didn't want to say it, but I am a maverick broadcaster. You fucking are. We're two mavericks.

Starting point is 00:06:48 We're like two maverick bollocks. Yeah. No. No, not really. What have we got coming up on the show then, Paul, today? Coming up on the show is, first of all, a massive thanks to Mr. Bisto. Bisto. Bisto.

Starting point is 00:07:04 Mr. Bisto. Who who's that have we got sponsorship it's a gravy sponsor mr bisto he would be very smelly wouldn't he he'd smell of gravy in farts would be gravy air mr bisto and he'd go mr bisto like that wouldn't he yeah I've just had a coffee I'll tell you that I've just had a coffee what are you go on Mr Biffo

Starting point is 00:07:29 sorry Mr Biffo yeah dropped off some P.O. Box goodies so we're going to dive into the P.O. Box and pull out

Starting point is 00:07:36 whatever's in there sweet sweet P.O. Box goodness it's exciting times I've got bits of stuff from the five years we've been doing this pod

Starting point is 00:07:46 all in my room, all stacking up, silting, all crusts of it, crusts of cheap show crap, all coming on top of me, all round here, all dusty, dusty sifting through dusty piles of it. And don't forget your cum t-shirts. Oh, fuck off. I didn't listen right to the end of the podcast last week. You should have, because that's the bit where you say, I spuffed in my

Starting point is 00:08:10 shirt. I didn't. I spuffed somewhere else and then I'll wipe it up with a shirt. I mean, it's going in the wash anyway. But now my next question is, where do you fire your load? Do you fire it willy-nilly? It depends what mood I'm in. Are you a belly splasher or a carpet masher?

Starting point is 00:08:29 Carpet masher. It's going to take more than Shaken Vac to get your spunky crustules out, isn't it? Love it. You and your whole fucking set of references are set from about 77 to 85. About 84, 85, yeah, you're right.

Starting point is 00:08:44 I don't think they even sell that shit anymore, shaken vac. No, they do. I've got some in my cupboard. Okay, so you still use it. It still helps. I do the spoff and vac and put the freshness back. Do the spoff and vac and put the freshness back. It helps with the stench of your psychotic cat.

Starting point is 00:08:59 Nothing wrong with my cat. Everyone loves my cat. The only people who don't like my cat are you and Joe. I heard they want your cat to replace me on the fucking pod now i'm going to tell you right now at least my cat's around when i want him to be and productive and has a better social media presence than you do i can't believe listen i'm getting coerced i signed up for a podcast not some kind of fucking tween streaming bullshit well i'm sorry to make this admin on air,

Starting point is 00:09:26 but I'm docking your pay. You're getting two shillings this month. Alright, sorry. I'll do whatever you say. Yeah, you will. I need the money, man. You'll suck at the cock of my obedience. Oh. I got quite turned on by that as well.

Starting point is 00:09:44 Anyway, so that's what we're doing on the show today. It promised to be quite a lot of fun. All right, good. But did you say there was a Tales from the shop floor? I'd be quite interested to hear one, Paul. Well, let's ring a sound effect and then, you know... Let's go for it. Go for it. Let's go for it.

Starting point is 00:10:02 Excellent. This is literally a hot off the press edition of Cheap Show. Well, everything is hot off the press, isn't it? All the P.O. Box stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:10 That's what you meant. Right. Yeah. It's all hot off the press. The email came in not a few hours ago. The P.O. Box stuff came in

Starting point is 00:10:19 not too long ago. This stuff's so hot I don't touch it. And I'm also hot in the house of pickles. Yeah, you got your top off and I can see your stupid, bulbous body. It's not stupid. Bodies don't have any IQ.

Starting point is 00:10:32 Yours does. Bodies just speak the grammar of love. No, you have your body IQ is pig's trotter. Does my whole body look like a big pig's trotter? Mate, guess what I did the other day because we were both bored? What?

Starting point is 00:10:48 I shaved my back. Did you really? Did you really? Why? I don't want to see your back. I can imagine, you know? Yeah, you imagine my back. You imagine your hands all over it.

Starting point is 00:11:00 Oh, it's so smooth, Paul. It's nice and smooth, is it? Right. And you go, oh paul yeah and then what do you know the usual stuff we do on cheap show where ends up you gobbling my mouth with some chunky cum load it's chunky you know if you if come if you ever actually came chunks right i would go to a doctor if it was like cottage cheese it does mine comes out literally like microwave porridge no it doesn't.

Starting point is 00:11:25 It does. My ejaculate is the only ejaculate I can safely say makes the onerpique sound of chunder. It sounds like boulders falling. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? Okay.

Starting point is 00:11:36 It's so weighty. It's so cram-packed with spunk, sperms, little sperms all packed together. You're cruel to the sperms in your spunk because you pack them in. You're a dictator of your own spunk sperms. The spunk will run on time. No.

Starting point is 00:11:57 Shall I just start this bloody thing? It's time for Tales from the Shop Floor where you... Floor, floor, floor, floor, the Shop Floor, where you... Floor, floor, floor, floor, floor, floor, floor. Dear listener, send in your stories of encounters or events you've seen in and around your place of business or work. That's broad enough, isn't it? That's good. Nice and broad.

Starting point is 00:12:18 And for those who are listening for the first time, perhaps today, I want to assure you that not all the stories we talk about on this show are shit or cum related. Or piss related. Or piss or vomit. However, this one does involve a fair few of those elements today. Okay, come on. Tick them off as they come.

Starting point is 00:12:37 Hello. I've got my bingo card out, Paul. Spot. Yeah, we should have a bingo card. Right. I don't know what's worse though the fact that we don't get that many stories about harmless things like old lady falls over and sets off a drum machine and everyone thinks she's body popping you know or a story about a child who pulls a book from a shelf and everything falls down it's always i just saw a woman shit on the floor yeah

Starting point is 00:13:03 and another man squash it in you know what stuck with me was that big turd that someone had put the wrong end of a plunger into. God, I hate this podcast sometimes. Come on, let's throw some shit at the wall and see what sticks. It'll be shit. That's what will stick.

Starting point is 00:13:20 Well, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Real shit. Here we go. You can stop making the emphasis on shit for your prominent statement right now. Shit time. Here's shit time. Come on, new listener. It's not. It's not.

Starting point is 00:13:32 It's not shit time. It's always about... I don't want that catching on. That's what we should fucking call it. Shit time. Shit time. We discuss shit. No, we're not calling any...

Starting point is 00:13:40 Oh, shit. I shat. We're not calling any segment of this show... I shat. I shit. I shat. No. I shat. i don't care what tense you want to put it in i brutus like i brutus i shatters i shushes go on read it i clag digs i clagganuts come on read it come on here we go. This is from Matthew.

Starting point is 00:14:06 Hello, Matthew. He says, hello, Eli and Paul. Hello, Matthew. In that order. Good. First of all, I'd like to thank you for five years of laughs and incredible entertainment. It's got me through some dark moments. So thank you very much.

Starting point is 00:14:19 Thank you. Thank you. However, in this week's episode, I'm not reading this out. It's because it's one of your fan letters, so I'm not reading it. Oh, come on, Paul. Give me something. I'm here by myself. Topless.

Starting point is 00:14:32 Yeah. In a room that stinks of stale spices and sperm. Yeah, and some other stuff. Coming this summer, Paul's brand new album, Stale Spices and Sperm. Yesterday's spice mix. Is that it? new album stale spices and sperm yesterday's spice mix is that yeah well i thought my my influences were kind of like bob dylan uh and paul mccartney i thought i'd go folksy a little bit kind of roots a bit skiffle with this one uh so my first track off the album which is guzzle my spunk load uh i think there's a lot about you know the politics of now that is literally a transposed spinal tap joke. Lick my love. Oh, fuck off, mate.

Starting point is 00:15:07 Come on, mate. I'm sorry. I'm allowed to riff on things that I find humorous. Are you? Are you allowed? Are you allowed? You're not allowed. Read the letter. You know what, Eli? I'm not doing this show now. Bye. Come on, mate.

Starting point is 00:15:23 Read the letter. Read a bit. However, in this week's episode, or rather last week's now, episode 179, Come on, mate. Read the letter. Read a bit. All right. However, in this week's episode, or rather last week's now, episode 179, I was presented with an extreme disrespect of Source. Yeah. Eli's Source report is an integral part of Cheap Show and never fails to be greatly interesting and entertaining, so deserves a greater amount more respect than Paul is giving it this week.

Starting point is 00:15:46 This lack of respect is frankly disgusting and I am truly infuriated. I really hope Paul is able to see the error of his ways and give the source some much more needed respect in future episodes. That's a great point Matthew and I think Paul this would be a great opportunity for you

Starting point is 00:16:01 just to apologise to myself and the rest of the listenership, you know? Well, first of all, I just want to say... No, I don't want the mealy mouth. Don't mealy mouth. Don't say well. I want the first word come out of your fucking yap to be sorry. I'm sorry I denigrated the source report.

Starting point is 00:16:19 Those are the words. We're waiting. Sorry. That. Oh, you interrupted me. Ah, fuck it then. I'm not going to do it. Oh, fuck you. me ah fuck it then i'm not gonna do it oh fuck you right fuck it ha ha ha ha eli wins again anyway on with the email bear in mind this email is being written at 3 a.m so the grammar may be a bit shite well that's good to know this story takes place a few years ago when i was working as a paper boy for a local newspaper

Starting point is 00:16:42 boring i know but my experiences of shops have genuinely been quite pleasant. This particular story takes place on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of summer. I was around eight hours into a gruelling day of walking and I truly did want death. As I walked up one of the many long winding driveways of the local village I noticed a middle-aged man sitting in the front garden on a camping chair surrounded by empty cans of alcohol getting closer it became clear that the man was very drunk and looked like he was on the verge of death right in front of me he's obsessed with death isn't he in this story he was almost saying well he was almost dead and the guy was almost dead cheer up it might not happen says every cunt who ever tries

Starting point is 00:17:21 to cheer someone up who's depressed if someone said to you it might never happen, what if your thing that you were hoping for was like, I don't know, that you wanted to pass your driving test? Then that wouldn't cheer you up, would it? Then you'd think, what might never happen? Me passing my driving test? That's terrible. You've made it worse. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:39 You've made it worse, Cockney stereotype, man. It might never happen, mate. What, peace on earth? What? Oh, God. People like you. Hello, I'm Mr. Might-Never-Happen. Refusing to engage in your problems with a cheery fucking non-diplom.

Starting point is 00:17:56 Not non-diplom. What's a non-diplom? Ow. Cheery non-diplom. A non-diplom is a nom that you use for writing. A name, rather. Yeah. Hey, do you know what I use, though,

Starting point is 00:18:08 when I have to have a different name for when I do my cooking show? Go on. A nom nom de plume. Oh, no. I don't have the energy to fight back this week. That's the tragedy. Yeah, I know. Also, listen, you're good at writing jokes, right?

Starting point is 00:18:24 No, I'm not. We've established this. No, but you're better than me. You've got more structure than me. So, I thought of this punchline. Do you know when there's that famous speech Kennedy gives, where he goes, Ich bin ein Berliner. Berliner. Yeah. What if you had a joke where, instead of saying that, he says, Ich bin

Starting point is 00:18:39 ein Binliner. Binliner. Binliner. Binliner. Ich bin ein Binliner. Bin liner. Ich bin ein bin liner. No? All right, read the fucking letter. JFK, take the bins out. Oh. Ich bin bin liner.

Starting point is 00:18:53 I don't know. All right, you've failed. So good. Come on. No, all you've done there is really done a pun that has no context, and you're looking for the context, and I can't help you. I need a setup. I don't need the context.

Starting point is 00:19:04 I need a good setup and a punch. I just gave you one. JFK. Goes out, puts the context and I can't help you. I need a set up. I don't need the context. I need a good set up and a punch. I just gave you one. JFK goes out and puts the bins out. Okay, JFK and Marilyn Monroe are in, they're having a little tryst in a little motel. In a hotel room. Secret service outside. They know what's

Starting point is 00:19:20 going on. She's used a load of tissues for whatever reason. Right? Okay? All night she's been a load of tissues for whatever reason, right? Okay? All night she's been using tissues. And so... What for? Whatever. Is she crying?

Starting point is 00:19:30 She's crying. He says he can't, you know, leave Jackie... Commit to her. Commit. So she's crying a lot. And also he's got, like, sores on his back

Starting point is 00:19:39 which are seeping pus out. So she, like... Yeah. She wipes that up for him. Nice referencing to the facts you learned in the last podcast on the left. Right, whatever. No, it's good.

Starting point is 00:19:50 And then the bin gets full and she goes, oh, darling. She goes, ooh. Is she from the West Country? Oh, are you married? She's Meaty Margaret. Marilyn Meaty Margaret. Marilyn Meaty Marilyn. Me. She's Meaty Margaret. Marilyn Meaty Margaret. Marilyn Meaty Marilyn.

Starting point is 00:20:07 Meaty Marilyn and Meaty Margaret. Yeah. And Jeffro does their bidding. And then he goes, she goes, oh darling, take the bins out. Take the bin out. And he goes,

Starting point is 00:20:19 ich bin in bin liner. Nah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Marilyn Monroe bin and bin liner nah oh oh oh marilyn monroe and jfk are in a hotel room jibby jibby jibby they're having a bit of a nookie wookie woo yeah and she goes oh oh i want you inside me jfk i want to have your babies and then jfk, ich bin bin liner. And she goes, well, I suppose we'll have to do. Yeah. He's using the bin bag as a contraceptive. Yeah, that's it.

Starting point is 00:20:53 Right. Ich bin liner. So there's this old guy, looks like he's dead. He's going to shit himself, piss himself, puke, and maybe have a little wank as well. He's just a guy on his front lawn. He's going to shit, right, and the poo's going to, all the liquid of it's going to go through right? And the poo's going to, all the liquid of it is going to go through

Starting point is 00:21:05 the mesh of the seat that he's lit on. And it'll filter out. And it'll just be brown poo water coming through. Okay. All drippy drippy

Starting point is 00:21:14 like a coffee percolator. Do you want me to read the letter or do you just want to have a fantasy wank over what you're coming up with? Oh, come on. You mucky pup. Read the letter.

Starting point is 00:21:22 Let me just get on with it. I forgot where we were now. So yeah, on the front lawn drinking drinking, on the verge of death. He then spotted me walking towards him and jumped into action, leaping out of his scruffy chair and began a tirade towards me. It became apparent that he had mistaken me for a cold caller and took it upon himself to put me in my place, slurring something along the lines of,

Starting point is 00:21:43 you stupid little shit, you can shove whatever overpriced shite you want me to buy right up your arse. Okay. Oh, okay. Is Matthew from the British Isles? I don't know. Paper rounds, they do that here, don't they? They do do that, don't they?

Starting point is 00:21:59 Yeah, you're basing this on his use of the word arse. Paper boy, that was a classic arcade game. Oh, make no more tangents, all right? Just save a few. Right. You go, stupid little shit, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, this in itself wouldn't make for a very entertaining story. And you're right, Matthew.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Yeah, you fucking hell, Math. But hang on. However, what happened next is what struck me. I gave him the usual talk, rattling on about our free newspaper, and eventually he gave up and decided to go inside. But as he stood up, I witnessed a runny brown liquid disperse from his shorts. I knew it. It had become clear that the man had become so drunk,

Starting point is 00:22:36 he had done his business in his pants while sitting in his chair. He made it up to the drive and trailing a long line of wet shit behind him all the way to his front door. And then what happened? Then he proceeded to turn around and attempt to shout one last quip in my direction. This, however, was a very bad idea as he forgot about his elevated porch

Starting point is 00:22:57 and stumbled forward, face first into a squelching pile of dribbly shit and passed out from the copious amounts of alcohol. Good points. Points for falling in the shit. This truly made my day. I left the sleeping man covered in shit

Starting point is 00:23:13 on his own front drive. I hope this story has quenched your thirst for a good little shit tale. I mean, mate, again, I need to emphasise this is not a shit-based podcast. I know, it's not. It's, I mean, percentage-wise, it's probably more of a spunk-based podcast, isn't it, really?

Starting point is 00:23:31 You know what? It depends on the mood. I knew it, though. I knew he was going to shit himself. I got the pattern recognition in. It went... Elements of the story. What's going on?

Starting point is 00:23:42 Probable. Probable. Alcohol is always involved in those kind of stories. Alcohol, saliva, elderliness. Defecation in some sports, you couldn't really compartmentalise it, it just has to be one, it is just defecation. Defecation is what you need if you want to beat the rest and you want to see the best.

Starting point is 00:24:02 Oh, defecation's what you need. That refers to pooing solely. No, defec the best oh defecation's what you need that refers to pooing solely no defecation is just defecation i don't think it relates to the speed no not i didn't say slowly oh what did you say i thought you said that i said solely i said defecation only refers to the solids doesn't it it doesn't refer to anything else I imagine soft soft serve I imagine soft serve soft serve ice cream that's what I was trying to get at that's what

Starting point is 00:24:30 the consistency of shit when you come up on a pill and you need a shit and on that note ladies and gentlemen that's the end of that segment thank you very much Matthew bye see you after the sound effect bye thanks to Mr Biffo for delivering

Starting point is 00:24:49 the P.O. Box parcels today we had a nice little catch up with a safe distance between us both we had a nice little chat and he dropped off some boxes and we have the boxes here we have content Eli yay I love P.O. Box stuff me please and if you want to send

Starting point is 00:25:05 stuff to the PO box do you can include dead snakes no no no dead things

Starting point is 00:25:13 in the post please yes dead things little dead dried things dried dead things your nakedness is offending me

Starting point is 00:25:20 why I don't want to look at your tits you don't have to stop then don't look at them look you've dressed don't have to. Stop then. Don't look at them. Look, you've dressed like that purposely to turn me on. You're leading me on. Oh, turn you on? You told me

Starting point is 00:25:31 I was repulsive just now. I'm confused. Make your mind up. Oh, fucking hell. Jesus. I'm just going to take the top off. Alright, fine. You should have done the front as well, mate. You didn't do the front.

Starting point is 00:25:48 Why didn't you do the front? Oh, my God. Look at those titties. I don't want to. Well, I have to look at yours, don't I? I'm turning it away. I have to look at your filthy truth. You can look at mine.

Starting point is 00:25:58 No, shut up. Just taste some food, for fuck's sake. Right, so open one box right now, hot off the press. It's full of goodies. It's full of snacks. So there's a letter. Let me read it out. Yum, yum.

Starting point is 00:26:11 Dear Paul and Eli, I hope this package finds you well and I hope you're dealing with the current situation and I hope it's not getting to you too much. No, it's all right. It's not getting to me too much. I've actually had some health benefits, haven't I? Yeah. You just don't drink at the moment, which is good.

Starting point is 00:26:29 I don't drink at the moment, which is good. It's sad, though, because it means that when we do finally get back together and start recording again, it'll probably mean the bars and stuff are still open, which means you'll be drunk and hungover for every recording we do in person again, as opposed to the sober Eli, which, for some reason, still thinks Rillium is a great gag. Randrew. Randrew, yeah is a great gag. Randrew. Randrew, yeah, no, it is Randrew. I've got Rillium on the mind.

Starting point is 00:26:51 Anyway, I want to tell you how grateful I am for your podcast. Oh, it's such a laugh. I'm going to skip all the cheesy stuff because it just sounds interesting when I read it. Why, because he says it's about the source report. Is this another person saying about the source report? No, it's just when people are really, really nice to us. It feels weird reading it

Starting point is 00:27:05 out and really self-serving, so the overall gesture is they like the show and it helps them and it makes them feel nice. Right. In this package, I've included some sweet treats from Japan, some interesting noodles and a drink from my childhood. Oh, excitement!

Starting point is 00:27:22 Excitement! No one else my age seems to remember them but you used to be able to get them in farm foods in the early 2000s unfortunately i don't have any bric-a-brac for you uh and but she's got um that being said i really do hope you enjoy the bits i've managed to put together if you ever want to thank me just be on the lookout for any beanie babies and whack whimsy it's a little bit tough for the handwriting, but I'm getting the gist. And what? Beanie Babies and what? And what? What was the second thing?

Starting point is 00:27:50 Cherished Teddies and Wock Whimsies? Wally Whimsies? Okay, I don't know. Anyway, I even have a tattoo to show off of the Beanie Babies. Stay strong. Is there a name? Uh, yeah. Chloe. Thank you, Chloe. Hi, Chloe. Thanks, Chloe. Now,

Starting point is 00:28:06 that thing I got in a happy meal before the apocalypse, that's made by Ty. They make the Beanie Babies as well. So, is that right? Yeah, they were the people who were sitting on that big bubble before it burst violently. I've got that one. The new one. Do you remember?

Starting point is 00:28:22 It's like a cartoon, sorry, a rainbow colored mouse thing did you see it yeah no i can't and i don't care so we're moving on so if she hasn't got one of those we could i could send her that couldn't i mr silverman what there's some things in here you are gonna love oh no don't don't tempt me first of all i'm gonna show eli this on the zoom but we'll explain what it is later. Eli, say what you see. I'm going to show you it now on the camera.

Starting point is 00:28:49 What can you see? It looks like Pringles or... It's Pringles. Noodle-flavoured Pringles. It's a Pringles tube, right? Yeah. And it's got the Pringles... Yeah, got the branding.

Starting point is 00:29:01 And it's a Pringles brand instant noodle. So, it's a little noodle kit that comes in a Pringles tube. Oh my God. And apparently, looking online, this is chicken and vegetable instant noodle. Wow. Oh, wow. Wow. So there's that.

Starting point is 00:29:19 So obviously that's going to be a future noodle kitchen Tesla urban cunt. That's going to be such a chemically noodle, isn't calm down wait next is another pringles instant noodle a different shape though that's not that's in a traditional cup noodle cup rather than an actual uh pringles cylinder but i believe this is just like a vegetable and herb and onion noodle, something like that. Lovely. Wow. And then finally, Eli, for your future noodle kitchen. Ooh, another one.

Starting point is 00:29:54 They go for lots of different shapes, don't they? That's like a square. Yeah. But it's another Pringles noodle. Wow. Those are great. This is a sour cream and chive. Oh.

Starting point is 00:30:01 Wow. Those are great. This is a sour cream and chive. Now that I would be very interested to have a little taste of. Very interested. By a company called Acebook. No, sorry, Acecook, which sounds a bit like Facebook, to be fair. And it says Cook Happiness. Haven't heard of them.

Starting point is 00:30:23 They've obviously bought the Pringle brand. I wonder if the noodles taste like Pringles a bit. Well, that's my confusion. It's like, is it just a branding, or are they based on flavours that exist in snack form out there, and they've turned them into the flavours for instant noodles? Well, sour cream and chives is a well-established Pringles flavour, isn't it? And I guess the chicken flavour is probably reasonably,

Starting point is 00:30:42 predictably a brand they'd make. Well, I'd be very interested. Those are some really interesting noodle items. Very interesting. Whether they're going to taste any good, we don't know. But have you ever had anything by Ace Cook before? It doesn't ring a bell, Paul. But what it reminds me of is the peperami noodles.

Starting point is 00:31:00 If we could get hold of some of those. Wow. And is that one that looks like a Pringles cylinder? Do you pour the hot water into that as well? I wouldn't guess so. I think it's just packaged like that for the gimmick. It's really strange. So strange that they've got enough money

Starting point is 00:31:16 just to have loads of different formats. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Very strange. It's crazy. So that's what we're going to say for you next time we meet. You're going to be doing some Pringle noodle for us. That's exciting, actually. It's crazy. So that's what we're going to say for you next time we meet. You're going to be doing some Pringle Noodle for us. That's exciting, actually.

Starting point is 00:31:28 It's very exciting. In the box is a TV and film quiz. Just like a little matchbox full of quiz cards. You like those matchbox quizzes, don't you, Paul? You've got a few of those. Some are better than others. Let's see what this one's like. Eli, here are your questions.

Starting point is 00:31:43 Okay. What is the name of the Star Trek series starring Patrick Stewart? Which one? There's two, isn't there? Oh, no. Now it's wrong. You're right. Now it's wrong.

Starting point is 00:31:55 So there's two. There is Star Trek Next Generation and also Picard. I hate Star Trek. Are we going to lose listeners? I like Star Trek, but I saw some of it. I hate Star Trek. Are we going to lose listeners? I like Star Trek but I saw some of it. I found it so dull. I saw some of this new one and it was just miserable, depressing.

Starting point is 00:32:11 It was just slow, didn't like it. And then I saw the Plink It video and I thought, I'll give that a miss. He hated it. In Pulp Fiction, Mr. Silverman, what was the name of the fictional TV show that Mia Wallace starred in? Fox Force 5.

Starting point is 00:32:28 Fox Force 5. Is correct. Yay. What horror film had the tagline, Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid? The Fly. Is correct. Come on, until I get one wrong.

Starting point is 00:32:38 I'm going to get none wrong. Why was Molly Ringwald's character in The Breakfast Club given a detention? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I won't get a single one wrong. Next one. Oh, give us a clue.

Starting point is 00:32:54 She skipped school, but what did she skip school to do? She was like the prissy, preppy one, wasn't she? Yeah, but what's the answer? Is it something... preppy one wasn't she yeah but what's the answer is it something uh she skipped school because she couldn't handle some aspect of being a high status prom no the answer is she skipped school to go shopping oh yeah because it's a consumerist sort of thing yeah i i used to love the breakfast club but if you watch it back now you think oh dodgy as fuck politics yeah it's off its time it's like a lot of those films like pretty in pink uh have the same kind of awkward oh i don't know if you

Starting point is 00:33:31 can get away with that now yeah and last question i would just say one more point on john hughes's oeuvre i think my favorite john hughes film is weird science and um that because of the tone i think that's aged a bit better. Do you know what I mean? My favourite of his is Home Alone. Really? It's just because it's a seasonal film there's more of an emotional

Starting point is 00:33:52 connection to it. It's a bit of a kid's fantasy when I saw it. You know you want to be... It is. I mean it's definitely I can see why but I like Weird Science.

Starting point is 00:34:00 It's very problematic now but I just like it. I like the whole... Weird Science. I like the whole... Weird science. I like the whole fantasy aspect of weird science, the way their home gets transformed and stuff, you know? I'd love them to remake it, though, where it's like two incels who hate women

Starting point is 00:34:13 create one with some virtual reality tech and then, oh... I know. They get attacked by the woke. Are they meant to be nerds in weird science or are they just sort of losers? They're dweebs, aren't they? They're be nerds in Weird Science, or are they just sort of losers? They're dweebs, aren't they? They're not nerds.

Starting point is 00:34:27 They must be some kind of deficient if they just don't... They would rather create a woman in a computer than go out and meet them. They're nerds. But I guess that's the message of the film, though, isn't it? Is that she's got a kind of Beetlejuice-y quality or Mary Poppins-y quality, where she comes in, spins the life around, and they learn valuable lessons.

Starting point is 00:34:44 Yes, and she can't act. About consent. And she can't act. That's the horrible thing about Kelly LeBrock, is that she's known for that film, and then you're seeing a bit of her minge in that film, Woman in Red. And she married Steven Seagal. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:00 She made some mistakes. One last question. What song by the Doors plays during the opening credits of Apocalypse Now? The End. Is correct. Right. Let's go into the box further. Okay.

Starting point is 00:35:12 What else we got in there? Those questions seem okay, don't they? Those questions seem quite not stupid. Unlike the... They seem accurate. Do you remember the retro gaming questions? They were all just fucking wrong. What does Sonic collect in Sonic?

Starting point is 00:35:27 Coins. No, you fucking don't. That is someone who hasn't played Mario, hasn't played Sonic. See, there was an argument there to say maybe that was a false question put in there so people couldn't rip off the questions, you know, like the dictionary does or AA when they put fake little details in so if anyone copies it, they can spot them. That's fake towns, fake locations on a map, you mean?

Starting point is 00:35:48 Yeah. They wouldn't do that. They wouldn't do that. But because there was five or six of them in there, I thought, nah, they're just shit. Yeah, they're terrible. So, Eli, the next thing I'm going to show you is a pair of boobies. Wow.

Starting point is 00:36:00 What are they? They're a drink. It's a bottle called a boobie. B-O-O-B-E-E. As you can imagine, listener, I'm going to be rinsing this gag for the next few minutes. So I'm holding these boobies in my hand, and they feel quite firm.

Starting point is 00:36:14 Yeah. And they're juicy. Oh, yeah. And as I squeeze them, I can feel them purr in my hand. There's a bit of a nipple at the top. Is there a hair? Is there hair? That you would sack on.

Starting point is 00:36:24 Are they got soft downy hairs all around the areole? Around Harry who? Areole. I'm areole. I'm always hanging around tits. How's that, Gil? So, it's drink. There's four of them.

Starting point is 00:36:43 For the sake of people listening at home who won't go to the website to look at the pictures, they are little tubes. They look like water bombs almost. Plastic with a coloured liquid inside. Are they alcoholic? Are they like shooters? Are they alcoholic? No.

Starting point is 00:36:56 They're soft drinks. No, I think they're just kids' drinks. You know like we used to have in the old days? You had those carton drinks. Yes. It's like that, but it comes in a booby tube. What were the classic ones from our childhood, Paul? We used to have Umbongo. Panda Pops.

Starting point is 00:37:10 Keora. Umbongo. Quattro. Was there Quattro as well? I never used to have that. Quattro was a soft drink, yeah. And there was Corona. Remember Corona? There was Corona as well, wasn't there? It is the rhythm of the night. No, not the band Corona.

Starting point is 00:37:26 There was a drink. My Corona. There was a fizzy drink called Corona, wasn't there? Do you recall that? Shut up. Orange flavour booby, tropical flavour booby, apple flavour booby, strawberry booby. Where's Paul? I'm going to test one of these.

Starting point is 00:37:40 Paul. Which one do you want me to test? Oh, Paul. I've invented a new drink. It's a tea-based drink, and it's called a Milky Raspberry. Right? Go on. One tea bag.

Starting point is 00:37:50 One raspberry tea bag. Right. Brew them all together. Take the raspberry one out first. Milk, sugar. There's your Milky Raspberry. I'll make you a Milky raspberry next time you're over. Are you inventing...

Starting point is 00:38:06 Are you that board that you're inventing? Tea cocktail. Yes, basically, yes. I am that board. What drink do you want me to have? Green, orange, yellow or red? What's the red one? Cherry.

Starting point is 00:38:19 I'm only going to taste one. No, it's strawberry. Well, what's the most interesting to you, Paul? Tropical. Tropical. Yeah, yellow flavour. Go for it's strawberry. Well, what's the most interesting to you, Paul? Tropical. Tropical. Yeah. Yellow flavour. Go for the yellow flavour. I'd pull out the spout from the booby. Show me it. Oh, it's got a built-in straw. It's all one

Starting point is 00:38:33 piece of plastic. It looks like a hamster thing if you look at it upside down. It does, or one of those IV sacs that you get in hospital. It's like a party IV. A party IV for a very small man. He's biting the top off. Don't bite the boobie.

Starting point is 00:38:49 I bit the boobie. Oh, no. I bit the boobie on the bit. Oh, I've spunked it all over me. Yes! I got boobie all over me. Yeah, you got boob juice all down you. I got boob all over me belly.

Starting point is 00:39:00 The boob is supplicated all over you. Oh, no. It's sticky boob belly juice. I stink of pineapple. It's pineapple, isn't it? Yeah, it's when I bit into it, the pressure changed on the inside, obviously,

Starting point is 00:39:13 because there's nothing holding it back and I just gushed it all over my kegs. It's nice to know that sometimes you have these kind of accidents, Paul, and it's not just me

Starting point is 00:39:20 pouring whole fucking pots of sauce all over my bed, which I sleep in. I know. That does look... It looks medical. That looks like a little piss bag.

Starting point is 00:39:31 It looks well like a piss bag. It does look like a piss bag. I'm going to sup it. Here we go. Have a sup. That really almost has no flavour. Really? Is it sugary, though?

Starting point is 00:39:40 There's a sugary flavour. If I had been given this and not told the flavour, I would have thought it was weak lemon. Really? Oh, that's terrible. It's got a weak lemon quality. Is it had been given this and not told the flavour, I would have thought it was weak lemon. Really? Oh, that's terrible. It's got a weak lemon quality. Is it sticky? What's the mouth feel like?

Starting point is 00:39:50 No, it's got a kind of a ribena-y aftertaste. It's kind of almost a little bit rough afterwards. Right. It's 35p and it's booby. That's extremely cheap. I can't think of anything that costs less than 50p these days. Right, next. I've got a bunch of these. I don't know what they are because I didn't run it through my translator. than 50p these days. Right, next. I've got a bunch of these.

Starting point is 00:40:06 I don't know what they are because I didn't run it through my translator. Well, show us. What do you think that is? Oh, it's a cookie? It looks like a peanut, but it's not. It looks like a mouse. It looks like a deep-fried mouse. Hang on, I'll pull it out of its packaging.

Starting point is 00:40:18 Oh, I think it's a Chinese cracker. It's like a big Chinese cracker. A Japanese rice cracker, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's what it is. It looks like one of those big Japanese rice crackers. I'm going to try it. It's a single one. Does it smell

Starting point is 00:40:31 of soy sauce? A little bit of sesame. Yeah, nice. What's it like? It tastes like one of those noodles you get in a Bombay mix, but with a bit of a kind of sesame oil flavour. Pleasant? It is quite pleasant, actually. That'd be nice with a cold beer. Yes. Or a weak tea. I wish I had something to bloody eat.

Starting point is 00:40:47 What else have you got? There's a thing here. And I can't... I think it's Japanese. It's a little foam sweet, I think. And I think it might be banana. Yeah, it looks like a banana bee thing. That character's great. The mascot is quite trippy, isn't it? It is.

Starting point is 00:41:03 That. One of those bananas. Big foam banana. I think it's got Choccy in the middle, though. I'm going to find out now. That sounds good. Show me the insides. Not very much chocolate in it. Is there any visible?

Starting point is 00:41:15 Oh, yeah, that's a tiny little seam of chocolate skimping on the chocolate. I do not like this. Why? It's got the artificial banana flavour that you don't like. And the artificial chocolate flavour as well. Both of them are artificial. Nasty.

Starting point is 00:41:29 I must cleanse my palate with boobie. Come here, boobie. Don't cleanse. You're going to ruin your palate. Paul needs boobie to clean his palate. Oh, me, Margaret will bring her boobie over. You come here. We'll get you fit for market, we will.

Starting point is 00:41:45 I've got a scratchy pom-pom. You calm it down there, Jeffro. We've got to fatten this little piggy up before we can sell him off. I'll kill it now. Next thing, it's a little box. On the front, it looks like a honeycomb. What do you think that is? I think it's a honey biscuit.

Starting point is 00:42:00 Let's find out. A honey-based biscuit of some sort, looks like. I would use Google Translate and sort all this out, but unfortunately my phone's in another room being charged. So, well done, Paul. I didn't know it was going to be in the box, to be fair, did I? No, but you did know it was probably going to be in foreign language.

Starting point is 00:42:16 I literally opened it two seconds before I called you. What else is in there? Oh, I've opened the box, and out comes what can only be described as like a little oxo-cube square. Intriguing. A little metal foil packet. Oh, is it curry the box and out comes what can only be described as like a little oxo cube square. Intriguing. A little metal foil packet. Oh, is it curry?

Starting point is 00:42:28 Is it curry sauce? What's that picture of on the... No, to me, that looks like a bit of honey. No, it's some kind of weird biscuit. I'm going to find out. I've been told these are all snacks and treats. I don't think it's like bouillon. It looks like a bouillon.

Starting point is 00:42:42 It looks like a brown frutella chew. Oh, wow. It's going to be toffee, isn't it? It looks like a bouillon. It looks like a brown frutella chew. Oh, wow. It's going to be toffee, isn't it? It looks like a toffee. I'm going to find out. I'm going to find out. Toffee croupe. Oh.

Starting point is 00:42:53 Is that nice? Oh, no. Is it caramelly? It's caramelly. It's soft. It's a little bit buttery. Yeah, it's toffee. A little bit.

Starting point is 00:43:00 It's toffee, isn't it? It's fudge. It tastes of sweet, sweet brown. It's fudge. It's got a bit of fudge to it. Yeah, it is fudge. Come sweet sweet brown it's fudge it's got a bit of fudge to it but yeah it is fudge come on i mean let's not beat about the bush that is fudge i know that's not like a really bad british porn film no that's not beat around the bush that's fudge yeah hey did you see that potato fudge advert well i wonder what that is yeah i wonder

Starting point is 00:43:22 what potato fudge is is it some kind of sweet fudge you put on your potato liquid fudge all of this sounds like euphemisms mate can we move on right i'll get my sweet potato fudge all over your delicate biscuits so that is uh that's your favorite item so far the fudge cube one last one it's another cube uh bot cube it's a box another box they are boxes boxes are a subset of cubes Oh it's got a parrot in an egg Parrot coming out a multicoloured smarty egg And there's number one written on it

Starting point is 00:43:52 There's something on the back I don't know what this is It's like a cigarette box Or a sweet, you know, fake cigarette box Those sweetie ones isn't it I reckon they're smarties Japanese smarties Mate there's a whole

Starting point is 00:44:06 protracted thing about this. On the back it says to lift the flap. Oh, it's got a little flap on it. It's got a chute. It's got like a little... That is neat. Do you remember those candies that came out in the UK years ago that had the similar thing where you

Starting point is 00:44:21 could knock them out? They were nerfs. Nerds, weren't they? Nerd tag. No, it had a it had a flap mate that's the important one tick tacks have that no it was like caramel covered in chocolate yeah and you used to dose you could dose yourself with them you could dose them out the top like that dose yourself were they galaxy galaxy nubbins or something like that but here's the other thing about the box mate look on the front there's perforations where you can push out the egg drawings and make holes. Look. So you can stick them on your wall or something.

Starting point is 00:44:49 On the front of the box, there's like little flaps. I'm trying to get my nails under to pull one of the flaps open. Can't get my fingers in to pull the flaps apart. Come on, mate. You've got beautiful slender fingers. We all love your beautiful, silky, slender... It answers nothing. All that's

Starting point is 00:45:05 gone underneath it is more Japanese writing. So I might have to do some more research on this. Well, taste one of the eggs. Taste them. I want to see what they look like. They're coloured chocolate eggs. Are they all yellow? Yeah. I think it's shiny, but they're quite a soft chew. Let's find out.

Starting point is 00:45:21 It's a biscuit. It's a biscuit egg. It's white chocolate. It's a biscuit egg. It's white chocolate. Every time. Every time, mate. If you like white chocolate with a biscuit centre I'm sure you'll find that quite nice I nearly honked my guzzeds up

Starting point is 00:45:50 I love it when you do that Is that the last thing? I don't know, what else? That's the last thing So thank you for that wonderful box Chloe, that's amazing Thanks Chloe, that was a fantastic box and I will definitely I think the Pringles deserve a full review.

Starting point is 00:46:08 Tie-in noodles. There should be a subsection called tie-in noodles. Didn't we have a Pokemon one that was just really standard? We did do a Pokemon one, yes. It was standard. The Pringles are actually a food brand. So you'd expect it to be better, you know, than just like a Superman noodle or something. Although I'd try that as well.

Starting point is 00:46:26 Yeah, yeah. All in all, what a wonderful box. What about this though? A Doctor Octopus noodle. Then that ties in with the arms. You can pretend the arms were Doctor Octopus's arms. Who's Doctor Octopus? He's a fucking baddie from the Marvel Universe with octopus arms.

Starting point is 00:46:42 Metal Octopus. Doctor Octopus? No. P octopus. Doctor Octopus. No. Pooey bum poo bum. I don't like it. Stop it. Stop. Just quote.

Starting point is 00:46:52 Just stop it. Stop what? Well, you better start something. You do. You stop it. Listen, if you want me to stop it, you better start it. Start something good. Start saying something good.

Starting point is 00:47:03 Mate, you're just jealous because you're there in your little hot house of pickles with your top off looking like you're doing a piss poor cosplay of jabba the hutt's palace right and i'm supping on booby okay that listen are you drunk off booby i may have supped from the booby too much is that a fetid fermented boobie? Right, we're moving on. Right. Because otherwise Eli will now just say boobie for 15 minutes. Also, pepperami noodles, anyone?

Starting point is 00:47:32 They existed and I want to get on that. Shout please and see if that helps. Please, pepperami noodles, please, universe. I'm going to do an Edmunds. I'm thinking, I'm preparing for pepperami noodles. I'm not just thinking. And the cosmos will give you noodles. I'm not just thinking, I'm preparing for pepperoni noodles. I'm not just thinking, I'm not just thinking... And the cosmos will give you noodles. I'm not just thinking, oh, I want pepperoni noodles.

Starting point is 00:47:49 I'm actually placing them in my special box on a piece of paper. I'm wearing a piece of string around my knob. Right, well, you've heard it here first. Every time I give it a little tug-tug, pepperoni noodles! Pepperoni noodles! No, stop it! Because now I'm imagining Noel Edmunds joshing you off and making pepper army noodles

Starting point is 00:48:05 come out your meter so it's just a horrible idea listen that's yeah stop this stop this segment just stop all right stop now i'm gonna stop enjoy the sound effects Hey everybody, it's time for your favourite segment of Cheap Show, Paul's Platters. What? What? What? Paul's Platters, where I go through my record collection, extensive record collection, handpicked by me. Yeah? And play you a choice selection of what I have in my selection.

Starting point is 00:48:41 All right, I'm up for it, but is there a patron saint sort of figure for this section? For the patron saint of Paul's Platter is The Mad Hatter. From Alice in Wonderland. So it's time for Paul's Platters

Starting point is 00:48:58 sponsored by The Mad Hatter. Ooh, Morty! Ooh! I love it. Let's develop this character. Ooh, Morty! Ooh! I love it. No, let's develop this character. Ooh, Morty! Ooh!

Starting point is 00:49:10 Now, what's he say? No, I haven't got time. Is that the rabbit? That's the rabbit. That's the rabbit, yeah. What does the Mad Hatter say? I'm a barber. Move down, move down. Oh, move down.

Starting point is 00:49:20 There isn't room here. Move down, don't sit there. Sit here. Ooh! I hope you enjoy Paul's platters. Ooh, Morty! Move down, there isn't room here. Move down, don't sit there. Sit here. Ooh, I hope you enjoy Paul's Platters. Ooh, more tea. Move down. Ooh, I'm Irish.

Starting point is 00:49:30 Paul is now cancelling the section Paul's Platters. All right, let's do, let's call them Silverman's Platters. Let's call them Silverman's Platters, yeah? Remote edition. Oh, and you just, when it's the Clive McFatter bit, you do it, OK? So, yeah, OK. Hello, welcome to Silverman's Platters. And here's a little word from our patron saint and sponsor,

Starting point is 00:49:49 Clive McFatter. Clive? Hello. Good. On with the show. Good. Good, yeah, nice work. On with the show.

Starting point is 00:49:56 So, what have you got? Open the P.O. box. Two envelopes fell out, and both of them had a vinyl single in. Cool. Which is always a delight to have. Seven-inch singles. Seven-inch? It's not... Is that what it's called, then, single in. Cool. Which is always a delight to have. Seven inch singles. Seven inch. It's not, is that what it's called then?

Starting point is 00:50:08 The P.O. Box? Is it P.O. Box? It's a box that you've got. P.O. Box, yes. No, you've got, that's not the P.O. Box. The P.O. Box isn't a mobile box. You got them out of the P.O. Box. You've got a box in the P.O. Box, didn't you?

Starting point is 00:50:21 The P.O. Box is not a real box. Is it? I mean. What are you fucking going on about? You're confusing the PO box with the box that you got in the PO box. No, you're just confusing everything

Starting point is 00:50:34 because you're a twat. No. No, you... What did you just say? You just said I'm getting it more out of the PO box. I've moved on since then. You're the one who hung up on what I said three minutes ago. Right, two seven inches. Let's see the first one.

Starting point is 00:50:49 If you want to send anything to the P.O. box, it is P.O. box 1271 Harrow HA3 3NS. And we got this. Right, comes with a little letter, this first single. Hey, guys. Excuse the handwriting. Here I have a fresh vinyl for you chaps.

Starting point is 00:51:07 Keep up the great work, let's know more sexy Dutch vibes. Yes, yes, yes, yes,

Starting point is 00:51:13 yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Drop the bitch. Yeah, don't just try it,

Starting point is 00:51:18 don't force it. I'm forcing it, I'm gonna force, force my vibes. I can't force the Dutch guy out from inside me. I can. Go on then, go on, fuck my vibes. I can't force the Dutch guy out from inside me. I can. Go on, then.

Starting point is 00:51:27 Go on. Fuck my arse. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Okay. Oh, this is from Tramp Cum Squeegee. Hello. Why, is he still putting wet lemon wedges in his noodles

Starting point is 00:51:45 like a fucking monster? Beast man. Like an absolute troglodyte. So here's what he sent me and I'll be honest because I've not listened

Starting point is 00:51:55 to these yet as of recording time I don't know if I remember it or not but it's called Mr. Silverman Holiday Rap by

Starting point is 00:52:03 MC Micah G And DJ Sven I remember this 84? What's the year? I can't find a fucking year on this for love nor money Look on the label I am

Starting point is 00:52:15 Published by a bit of a deal By these artists Nothing There's not a date on this I assure you No worries Sometimes that happens, doesn't it? Yeah, that's very

Starting point is 00:52:25 strange made in england let's hear it by debut records does that ring a bell it does i'm sure there's no that logo doesn't i've never seen that it's quite a nice nicely designed label isn't it yeah quite like that but i've never seen that label before i think i remember this as being one of those myriad one of a myriad of uh one hit wonders rap based semi-novelty one hit wonders from that period midlife crisis white blokes pretending to riff on beastie boys basically but doing it with more of a sort of more of a comedy in mind because the beastie boys you know beastie boys were doing white white rap but they weren't and some of it was comic, but it was real music.

Starting point is 00:53:07 Do you know what I mean? Wasn't it? It was always actually like a banging record, you know, like, but these are just like... All this kind of stuff, this sounds to me like the kind of crap you get at a holiday camp. It's that holiday camp comedy novelty hit.

Starting point is 00:53:21 Yeah, well, let's hear a bit of it, Paul, because I think I remember it. This is an original Jorko recording. I'm sure that means something to someone. Here we go. G and Swen, we took the Holly thing with all our friends There was a time to relax and let your worries behind Exactly said when we were something crowds, my mind It was the sign of the time we never forget One morning our parents came us out of a bed We told them it was stupid, don't play the fool

Starting point is 00:53:52 But the answer was shot, you gotta go to school G's running up and down and everybody know Rapping, rocking, popping in the street, get your mic G rocked the house and you know what I'm saying Now when he's on a mic, there will be no delay So you better run to see him in your neighborhood He's rapping, rocking all the way to Hollywood Hey, check it out, these are the words we say You know what I'm saying? Now when he's on a mic, there will be no delayin' So you better run to see him in your neighborhood He's rappin', rockin' all the way to Hollywood

Starting point is 00:54:07 Hey check it out, these are the words we say Yo scream with us, we need a holiday We gonna ring a rang-a-dong for a holiday Put your arms in the air, let me hear you say We gonna ring a rang-a-dong for a holiday Put your arms in the air, let me hear you say We gonna ring a rang-a-dong for a holiday Mic and Jing and Sven, we're here to stay

Starting point is 00:54:23 We gonna ring a rang-a-dong for a holiday Mike and Jing and Sven We're here to stay We're gonna ring-a-dong For a holiday Hey, check out the new style We just played We are going on a Summer holiday If you want to go, you're Sven We're going to London And New York City

Starting point is 00:54:33 And we'll take a little piece Of Amsterdam, right We are going on a Summer holiday If you want to go, you're Sven We're going to London And New York City And we'll take a little piece

Starting point is 00:54:42 Of Amsterdam, right And I'll do a little piece of Amsterdam, mate. Yeah. Yes. Well, here's, I've just looked it up on Wiki. I remember it. It's Madonna. But the sample is, it's Madonna's Holiday.

Starting point is 00:54:54 It's a rework. Yeah. But it's actually samples all of the synth from that tune. So MC Micah G and DJ Sven were a hip-hop duo from the Netherlands. Paul, Paul, Paul. What? Paul. What?

Starting point is 00:55:09 What's he called? Mikey or Micah? Micah. M-I-K-E-R. MC Micah G. Oh, Micah. Okay, thanks. Or Micah, maybe.

Starting point is 00:55:18 Micah G, maybe. Yeah. The duo consisted of Lucien Witteveen and Sven Van Veen. Yes. The 1980s saw the two launch Holiday Rap to international success. It was a remix of Madonna's hit Holiday with additional rapping and an interpolation of the chorus of Cliff's Richard's Summer Holiday. Yes.

Starting point is 00:55:40 That's that rap bit. There's actually a whole fucking story about them. Witteveen and Van Veen, God, this is hard to say, became equated in 1986 in a disco in Hilversum. The disco, Club Baccarat, and the resident DJ, DJ Martin van der Schnacht, Yes.

Starting point is 00:55:57 had a home studio where he recorded a demo version of the holiday rap using the original loop. Blah, blah, blah. Their single became an international success, occupying number one on the singles chart in 34 countries and reaching the top 10 in 12 other it was named by much music as the worst video of 1987 is considered a one-hit wonder yeah it's it's because it's so it essentially is just the backing track from the madonna tune so it kind of although it was a huge hit at the time in your memory it doesn't really distinguish itself do you see what i mean from and that's why

Starting point is 00:56:30 it it's one of those weird records that was yeah everywhere but i literally haven't thought about it in fucking 35 years when when i heard the chorus kick in that's when it sunk in for me that i've probably heard this on radio one's road show in some 80s, you know what I mean? Yeah, but it was big. But it's not one of the ones on rotation now, is it? It's never, like, you know when you get those cheesy hits of the 80s or one-hit wonders? It's never one of those tracks, is it?

Starting point is 00:56:56 No, no. I think it's probably because of IP issues, isn't it? It's probably because Madonna's people now. I don't know, to be honest, on that front. I bet it is. That is a very... Tramp Cums, Squeegee, is really setting in a very interesting record there for me.

Starting point is 00:57:12 In Germany, the song stayed at the top of the charts for five weeks in August and September, and they did a follow-up single called Celebration Rap based on what, do you think? Kool and the Gang, Celebrate. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're similar songs, structurally. Because when i was trying to yeah remember what what it was that was

Starting point is 00:57:30 backing that track i thought is it celebrate because celebrate and holiday almost have exactly the same hook in them don't they celebrate no she says celebrate in holiday doesn't she celebrate she says that yeah she does oh that's a good point, yeah. It could be so nice. Yeah, but then calling the gang celebrate is It's a celebration. Do you want to hear a bit of it? Very sure.

Starting point is 00:57:58 Sure. This is We Are Family. It's also got that in it. Fucking hell, they're just cut and paste merchants. They've got such a Dutch white voice. I'm rapping now, and yes I am, and here I go. Yes, yes, yes, we're rapping tonight. We're going to rap to the day in the morning light.

Starting point is 00:58:34 I'm going to go to the party and have a song. Come on, everybody, let's sing along. I've eaten my chips with lots of spoff, and I've got mayo on my boff. Sorry, cut that. Honestly. And then it says they've kind of been reasonably busy. They had that hit and that was in the top it didn't repeat the success but still made

Starting point is 00:58:53 top 10 in a few countries. They did a big tour in 87. Mikaji, however, unfortunately suffered from drug addiction and was homeless for several years. I wonder if he's the rapper or the other guy who DJ... Yeah, he's the rapper, because DJ Sven's obviously the guy who puts the

Starting point is 00:59:10 beats together. And then somehow they released a track in 88 called And The Bite Goes On, and they did a viral video. A short clip from a South Indian movie in the 90s was uploaded onto YouTube with the title Little Superstar. By October the video had gone viral and accumulated over 18 million views.

Starting point is 00:59:27 The clip featured a South Indian comic actor, King Kong, dancing to the holiday rap tune. Wow. So the holiday rap was used in a viral video that was made in South India. Weird. Yeah, that's an interesting record. Very, very cheap show, isn't it, really? Do you want to hear the B-side?

Starting point is 00:59:44 Yeah, what is on the B-side? It's called, and this is interesting, it's called Whimsical Touch. Okay. Which is like if you're molested by a librarian. He gave me a whimsical touch. Yeah, good. That was good.

Starting point is 00:59:56 I don't know if librarians... A poet would be more whimsical. Unfortunately, a poet did not come to me first. Librarians did. Yeah, but they're not whimsical. So, them's the rules. Librarians. Them's the breaks, mate.

Starting point is 01:00:07 If it was like orderly touch or like, you know, be quiet touch, then it'd be more like a... I want a nice, quiet, brown-haired, bespectacled librarian lady in the mid-40s to just take her clothes off while putting books away. No one wants to hear this. No one wants to hear this. No one wants to hear this. And then that'll be my whimsical touch when I josh my

Starting point is 01:00:30 blowy froth off all overhead. Gooey decimal system. Stop! Don't say shit like that anymore. Gooey... I say it. I say it. I say gooey decimal system. That's when I measure...

Starting point is 01:00:48 That's when I arrange all my spunk into chundery, liquidy, viscous, viscous, bubbly, bubbly, viscous, slapdash,

Starting point is 01:00:58 viscous meniscus, his whimsical touch. Day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, Well, there you go. That's what that sounds like. That's very reminiscent of the art of noise. Very reminiscent. Weirdly, isn't it? It's got that... It has got that...

Starting point is 01:02:09 It's a MIDI. Jack Hod. MIDI synthesizer where it uses... It was the first time those synths came in where they can use an actual recording of the sound and they can... It was like, yes, come over here and say bow. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:22 Bow. Bow. Yeah. Come over here and say into. Yeah. Bow. Bow. Yeah. Come over here and say into the microphone for me. Ooh. But the art of noise used that extensively, didn't they? People's voices and they'd play it. And also that tune, Superdog, uses a MIDI of the barking noise.

Starting point is 01:02:38 It does. Superdog did, yeah. And also, what's that tune? That really excellent one, New Shoes, Call Me. That's a MIDI. That's a midi. That's a midi. Oh, God, I was just sick in my mouth. I just really properly chugged it in my gob.

Starting point is 01:02:59 Oh, God. Something interests me. Something interesting that interests me comes along and then you have to fucking have a little puke, do you? Sorry. All that Japanese snack food came back. It was quite the taste sensation, mate. I'll be honest.

Starting point is 01:03:17 It was a party in your mouth and everyone had been regurgitated. Well, look, as a platter for the show, this is good. I like this. The B-side was better, wasn't it? More interesting It was different It was more interesting to me Well, this will come to your collection soon, Mr Silverman Okay, thanks for that

Starting point is 01:03:34 We have one more Let's see it Hot off the presses They've sent something else with this letter With this vinyl But I'm going to keep what I've got in my hand for a Twitch stream Oh, don't tease me No, I'm going to save hand for a Twitch stream. Oh, don't tease me. No, I'm going to save it for a Twitch stream because it's very visual

Starting point is 01:03:47 and I think I'd rather save it for that. So I'm going to save this in my hand for Twitch at a later date. But for now, the vinyl comes with a letter. Here it goes. A gift from James Wilkinson to Ganondorf and Slenderman. I guess they're talking about us. Right, top fact. This apparently has nothing to do with the single,

Starting point is 01:04:06 but let me read it anyway. Comedian Roy J, who we've done on Cheap Show before, famed for his catchphrase, spook and slither, was in an advert in the 80s, but he got fired from the campaign. So this is what we didn't know. He got fired from the campaign

Starting point is 01:04:19 when he was caught snorting cocaine on set. Okay, that'll get you fired. Lenny Henry was brought in as a replacement for Roy J, but the script wasn't changed, leaving Lenny Henry the task of having to do a Roy J impression in the advert, complete with faux American accent and paranoid

Starting point is 01:04:35 spaced out eyes. And it's on YouTube apparently as well. We've got to check that out. These Smith Square crisps are really neat. Quite elegant at first sight. But looks can be deceptive, as you'll find out when you bite. The flavor bursts upon your tongue, the crunch gyrates your jaw. You get the kind of feeling you never felt before it's weird it's weird

Starting point is 01:05:09 it's weird smith square crisps eating is believing i hope you enjoy the enclosed single yours faithfully james so i vaguely remember this but i have not listened to it yet so i might be completely wrong let's have a let's have a shifty well it's performed by a comedian who we've not really spoken about properly on the show before in a character it is theo philopheus p wildebeest okay dd wild that's the lenny henry don't even think about it now this is lenny henry's character who was a basically a mixture of barry white and teddy pendergrass he was he was much more like teddy pendergrass but he was pendergrass was known as the black elvis and was the singer

Starting point is 01:05:59 with what they called he said he did don't leave me This Way? Harold Melvin. Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. Yeah. Using that disco kind of energy. Very much disco sort of soul stuff on the Sounds of Philadelphia label. But yeah, Pendergrass would do all that stuff where he'd get a girl up on stage and he'd, you know what I mean? Rub his cock and balls humorously in her face. Which Lenny Henry is kind of pastiching, obviously, with his Wildebeest character. Yeah, that was the thing, isn't it?

Starting point is 01:06:27 The character was... Because Lenny Henry was a comedian, an impressionist, a performer, a light entertainer. Now becoming an actor and all sorts. He could sing, couldn't he? He could sing. I mean, that's the point.

Starting point is 01:06:36 He could sing. The other thing I just wanted to mention is that we had a video of one of his stand-up specials, which must have been quite late. And the whole last third of it, he does a whole extended Theosophist P. Wildebeest bit. Oh, does he? Yeah. And it's not as good as the other stuff, if you ask me.

Starting point is 01:06:54 It's not as, because it's just one joke. It's one joke, isn't it? Is that he's like over sex. He's too sexy for everything. Yeah. You know what I mean? But the problem with Lenny, and there's no problem with Lenny Henry inherently. I actually really quite like Lenny Henry. Yeah. He know what I mean? But the problem with Lenny, and there's no problem with Lenny Henry inherently. I actually really quite like Lenny Henry. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:06 He did Tis Was and things like that. I used to love it. His sitcom was pretty good. I used to, I was obsessed with that whole Crucial Katanga stuff, man.

Starting point is 01:07:13 Aha, aha. Katanga, my friend. Yeah. We remember it. But the problem was is that I think because of the success of Eddie Murphy,

Starting point is 01:07:22 I think people expected him to be the British Eddie Murphy and he really wasn't because I think he was too, ultimately too cudd I think people expected him to be the British Eddie Murphy. And he really wasn't. Absolutely not. Because I think he was ultimately too cuddly and too nice. You know what I mean? Well, a totally different type of performer. If you took, like, Joan Rivers, the British version would be Victoria Wood.

Starting point is 01:07:36 If you took Eddie Murphy, the British version is Lenny Henry. And that's not a dig at anyone really there. It's just there's that weird thing about Britware It likes it's kind of Cosiness Yes So do you want to listen to the song? Sure Here we go Is everything okay?

Starting point is 01:08:04 Is everything okay? Are you alright? Mate. What, it won't play? Every time I start the song, my brain chews out. It's so weird. Come on, man. Drop the record.

Starting point is 01:08:30 Drop the record. Drop the needle. From the moment you walked in, I could see I had to make you stay. If the lights were not so bright, you would see it was your lucky day. You know what I'm talking about? Why don't I believe you, baby? I don't need to. You know what I'm stopping it. I don't like it.'t even think about it No, I'm stopping it I don't like it I don't like it You didn't even let me hear it from the beginning You weirdo

Starting point is 01:09:31 I did I started it from the beginning twice And every time I tuned out It was the weirdest thing It was like Yeah Boring It's a Prince copy

Starting point is 01:09:39 But is it? Yeah Because it sounds more like Bobby Brown Yeah, it does It has a Bobby Brown production, but I think he's sort of trying to go for this song like Prince. And his voice doesn't sound great, does it? And it just doesn't...

Starting point is 01:09:52 Who's that other singer who's featuring? She's a proper singer, isn't she? She's like a... Dee Dee Wild, is her name. Yeah. Well, there was a Dee Dee Wild, but she was a founder member of Pan's People, so that's not obviously this Dee Dee Wild.

Starting point is 01:10:06 Weird. Or was Dee Dee Wild just made up for this record? I don't get it. Have a look at the record. I have. It says Dee Dee Wild. That's it. Performed by Dee Dee Wild and Floppiest Wildebeest or whatever.

Starting point is 01:10:18 Theosophers. It's sad because you'd want it to be a comedy song. It's not a comedy record, is it? It's not at all. It doesn't seem like it. I know. I think he always had a bit of a struggle because he wanted to be a comedy song. It's not a comedy record, is it? It's not at all. It doesn't seem like it. I know. I think he always had a bit of a struggle because he wanted to be a singer, I think.

Starting point is 01:10:30 And I'm sure he had an actual straight-up single. Or am I just confusing him now? Well, no. I mean, strictly speaking, in the late 70s, he released, as you will probably remember as soon as I say it, a song based on an end of a Pia track called Boiled Beef and Carrots, which

Starting point is 01:10:46 I now finally get to play in Cheap Show. Let's have a beer back now! Yay! Let's play it! Yeah! Yeah! That brother may take some believing. I went home with a girl of beauty, a real pearl. From my beginning kiss, I thought I could have missed the way your starry eyes were looking. I knew I started something cooking.

Starting point is 01:11:16 And I was right because what I got was. Bulletproof and carrots. Bulletproof and carrots. Bulletproof and carrots. Bye. into Paris from morning till night keep living right boil beef and carrots boil boil beef Hooray! After 180 episodes I finally get an excuse to play Boil Beef and Carrots by Lenny Henry That's a terrible, terrible tune

Starting point is 01:11:57 So he released that I think when they because he just must have won New Faces or something. Yeah but again but that's not a straight music tune. It's got novelty aspects, got comedic aspects to it, doesn't it? Well, yeah, Bull, Beef and Carrot is an old end of the pier standard. This tune just sounds like an attempt at making a sort of R&B hit, doesn't it?

Starting point is 01:12:20 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It doesn't feel like a pastiche. It feels like an attempt. Well, here's the thing as well. Side B has bad jokes taken from the soundtrack album Lenny Alive and Unleashed, recorded live at the Hackney Empire. Ah, so it's got a bit of stand-up on the back.

Starting point is 01:12:35 Nice. Well, no, bad jokes I think was a song he does, wasn't it? Where it's like, let's find out. Let's put it on right now. Yeah, let's have a listen now. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lenny Henry. I thought I'd tell you some jokes. Everybody, yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:55 Come on. I feel like busting loose in bad jokes. I feel like busting loose inose is in bed. Listen. Bad news! A man was in a hospital bed. Ooh, good God! The doctor said, I've got some good news. Bad news!

Starting point is 01:13:14 And some bad news. Bad news! The man said, I want some bad news. And the doctor said, we've had to amputate both your legs. He said, ooh, good guy What's the good news? And the doc said The man in the next bed wants to buy you slippers

Starting point is 01:13:34 Stick it I said, bad jokes He wants to buy you slippers. Okay, yeah. Bit lost there. I would have picked a word that was probably a bit more clear to say to land the joke, personally speaking.

Starting point is 01:13:48 But I'm a failed stand-up, so how the fuck should I know? I remember that now, Paul, that song, because he does that in that live thing. And at least that is comedic, isn't it? And it's reasonably clever, you know, for what he's doing. But again, it's got that weird thing where it's like, that's obviously him trying to do raw. That's not the stand-up at all that he does he doesn't do anything like the no the the what would you even call it like just the wave of power that eddie murphy has on stage yeah but i

Starting point is 01:14:16 know murphy is is outstanding isn't he his delivery is just something else i remember you and me listened to that live eddie mur. Yeah. I've got. And as much as you fucking cringe and you think, oh, you don't want to say that. And all of the unpolitically correct sort of stuff on it, just the rhythm of the way that he delivers. You just laugh. Do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:14:35 Yeah. It's what he's like that kind of power. Well, there we go. Mr. Silverman to wrap this section up. I tell you what though, Lenny Henry has made me laugh hard as well,

Starting point is 01:14:43 but it's a different, you're right. It's a different type of thing. And it's unfair to compare him, but yeah, because I remember in the 80s he released that film True Identity, where it was like his big Hollywood breakout movie,

Starting point is 01:14:53 and then it was like, nah, mate. That's a shame, isn't it? It was a shame. Miles, feel your roots. Say, baby, didn't I tell you

Starting point is 01:15:02 to bring all my bread round to my crib? Miles, you're not black enough. Get down with your bad self. Say, baby, didn't I tell you to come by my crib with my bread? That's it. What it is. Miles Pope thought he'd hit bottom. I'm an actor, Harvey, not a piece of throat. Until the mob decided to hit him. By this time tomorrow, I want that poop kid dead. Now the only way he won't get whacked... Cut him up and make sandwiches. I gotta disappear now. ...is to give the performances of his life.

Starting point is 01:15:37 The unit itself has seven-foot-high ceilings that are highlighted with a kind of a synthetic gold flex. ceilings that are highlighted with a kind of a synthetic gold flex. It's Lord Percy Chisley P.D. Smythe of South Worcestershire-upon-Avon speaking. But Miles is such a master of disguise. Break over, booger! Look, I'll buzz you back when I'm selling her, okay, babe? He's been hired by the mob. I want Pope dead.

Starting point is 01:16:02 To whack himself. Piece of cake. Touchstone Pictures presents One Man's Quest to Save His Skin. You just feed them fish and you whack them? Yeah, well, us hit guys gotta maintain a high standard. I'm a mulatto. From the waist down, that's how it happens sometimes.

Starting point is 01:16:23 Another day, another whack-a-lony audio can't believe that punk kid fooled me true identity yeah well he fooled me too boss king kong and a dress would fool you paul um why do you think that this song is like uh to be like Eddie Murphy what is it about it no I'm not saying the song is I'm saying his stage show must have in some respect him trying to replicate that

Starting point is 01:16:55 in some way I'm not saying he's copying Eddie Murphy but I'm saying I think there's a bit of expectation on his shoulders to have that same kind of appeal and unfortunately intrinsically I don't think he's that character. No, he's not. No, he's a different type of, like you say, much

Starting point is 01:17:10 more warm and friendly persona, sort of, that he brings across. Well, look, Mr. Silverman, to wrap up, we've had two songs today, Lenny Henry and Holiday Rap. What would you say? Are they both platters? Is one a splatter? What say you? I don't think the Lenny Henry one's very good.

Starting point is 01:17:26 No, it's actually not. I don't think that Holiday one's very good, but it's interesting to me because of the MIDI instrumental on the flip side of that. It necessarily doesn't need to be good to be a platter. It needs to kind of earn its place

Starting point is 01:17:39 in your collection, doesn't it? Holiday rap definitely does. Definitely does. And I suppose I'll put, you know, the Lenny Henry one in there. Yeah, because it needs to be with its brethren, doesn't it? So I suppose they're both platters, Paul. They're both platters.

Starting point is 01:17:55 They're both platters then. There we go. Right. What a great ending. Clear, concise. Excellent. I'm pressing the button now. I'm going to press the button.

Starting point is 01:18:04 And, listener, that means we're stopping our recording, just so you know. And that's it from episode 180. 180. Next week is a big episode for us. It's big time, big news, big potatoes, big Charlie's, big potatoes, big nuzzles. Big Charlie's potato fudge big camel knuckle sweaty pig knuckle sweaty hairy i'm gonna let him talk this out before i crack on i wanted to say scruffage good so next week is a big episode for us not only i'll be celebrating

Starting point is 01:18:41 five years of being alive as a podcast but we're also going to do a massive big story, as complete as we can tell it, on the legend of Winky, the little electronic badge and song. And I can tell you now, listener, we have got some great stuff to tell you about. Now, Paul, when you say Winky. Winky. Winky.

Starting point is 01:18:59 Winky. Winky. I think we needed to do that. That's part of it, isn't it? That is part of it yeah if you meet someone in the street and you go Winky and they instantly go Winky you know you've met a cousin

Starting point is 01:19:11 a cousin what like you literally a cheap show cousin so please join us next week for our big five year Winky extravaganza also on Saturday June the 6th we're doing another one of our Twitch live soiled variety performances.

Starting point is 01:19:29 So join us for that. It's Cheap Show, etc. And for everything else, go to the website, thecheapshow.co.uk. If you go there, you'll get links to the magazines, to Tony's merch, to the voting for the Cheap Show Awards. Email thecheapshow at gmail.com. If you want to just say hello,

Starting point is 01:19:43 send us your tales from the shop floor please or if you want to send a track for your envision it's just the shit you're right Paul you're right the shit has gone too much

Starting point is 01:19:52 too much shit yes too much shit Eli would like more spoff stories if you can is that alright if there is spunk

Starting point is 01:19:59 around a shop and also I'd like more old ladies right we'll move on from that fucking comment then right so what else email us thecheapshow at gmail.com uh what else uh on twitter i'm at paul gannon show the cheap show is at the cheap show pod eli is eli snoid e-l-i-s-n-o-i what is it i'm just trying to do that on purpose so I get something to say

Starting point is 01:20:26 I never get anything to say please Eli's annoyed it's just admin I can share the load verbally I don't want you to share any of your load with me

Starting point is 01:20:41 I'll share my load I'll apportion my load I'll give you... I'll apportion my load. Well, I'll have to judge it and put it in my gooey decimal system then, won't I? Yes. Right. It's Eli Snowid. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. And if you can and want to

Starting point is 01:21:00 and you're able to without any hardship to yourself, please consider giving as little or as much as you can to our Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Extra podcasts, sneak peek videos, bits and bobs. We do what we can.

Starting point is 01:21:14 I'm much better on... I hope you enjoy it. I'm much better on the Patreon podcast, just so you know. Not that I'm holding back, but, you know, I get real mean. I get real mean. I get real mean.

Starting point is 01:21:27 Shut up. This is it. This is enough now. I'm scornful. I'm scornful. Four minutes or so. Admin, that's everything. Next week, birthday episode.

Starting point is 01:21:36 Next week, winky. Sword, spoiled variety performance on the way. Awards on the way. Special live stream on the way. Your envision. There's so much coming up so much why you'd be a fool

Starting point is 01:21:47 to miss it bye everybody suck my chody load

CheapShow - Ep 180: Boiled Beef & Carrots

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