CheapShow - Ep 185: Public Domain Stupidity

Episode Date: July 3, 2020

This week, we have nothing. No. Genuinely, we have absolutely nothing. We finally ran out of things to do! The lock down has cut us off from our usual supplies and so Paul and Eli resort to desperate measures. Very desperate. What's available, absolutely free and can do a lot of creative heavy lifting? Why! It's public domain songs and stories. This week, the cheap chaps burrow through the public domain landfill and come back with their own horrific take on songs and popular characters from the olden days. We are VERY sorry in advance. We didn't know it would turn out this way. What have we done? WHAT HAVE WE DONE??!?! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-185-public-domain-stupidity If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Podbible Interview: https://podbiblemag.com/2020/06/12/a-special-cheapshow-celebration/ MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

Eli? Hello? Are you there? The whole artifice of this, Paul, the whole fakeness of this, I can't deal with it. What fakeness? We've said hello. Well, of course I'm fucking here. We've said hello, haven't we?

But this is more for the listeners, isn't it, to lure them in. I'm basically like creating a scene, aren't I? All right, all right, I got you, got you. So I'll be truffling around, snuffling around. Yeah, snuffling around in your little nest. I'll be grubbaging, happily grubbaging, and then you do it again. All right? All right.

Okay. Go for it. Grubbage, grubbage, grubbage. Come on. I'm waiting for a bit more grubbaging. I'm enjoying it. Oh, hello, Mr. Silverman. Oh, hello. Oh, it's time to do another episode of Cheap Show, Mr. Silverman. Oh, hello.

Oh, it's time to do another episode of Cheap Show, Mr. Silverman. Excellent. I'm ready. So, you know, put your penis away, clear the sauce off your belly, and get ready to entertain the masses. No, no, no, no, no, no. I refuse to be characterized as someone who has his dick out all the time and has got sauce on his belly. Paul, I refuse to.

Oh, mate, you could be the first man to cum different sauces. Imagine that. Oh, I'd like a dash of ketchup. Squirt. Right from the waist. Oh, what else have you got? Mayo? Mate, are you... Oh, oh mate you've just had the idea what you're actually describing is a modular sauce bollock interchangeable sauce bollock yeah unit basically like those like those coffee pods but you put in like a set of those set of your testicles you have these kind of weird sperm coffee pod things you put one in yes and it's modular yeah it's too it's got you can and you can do cocktails if you wanted burger

sauce yeah you'd put one one bollock of ketchup another bollock of mayonnaise yeah and then you fucking got burger sauce ready to go it'd be the worst burger van in existence though wouldn't it or the best you can get classy ones it was like oh look at this spaffay latte oh no what not coffee it's you listen no coffee flavored what's wrong with coffee flavored you could make a whole range of multi-flavored modular cum sauces but you'd be careful with the vinaigrettes and the vinegars because they could be quite corrosive to the whole unit that's true that's true especially if you've got any like cuts or abrasions on the end of your penis welcome to cheap show welcome to

cheap show i hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles it's just a fact of cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap Show. It's the price of Shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman

Welcome to Cheat Show And a go and a nuzzle Oh, so wasn't it a lovely time last week in the park when we went to the park last week? It was a lovely time. I had a lovely time. How drunk were you at the end of the day? Very, very drunk.

How did you get home all right? It got quite late. It got quite late, didn't it? Yeah, I didn't get on the bus till like, what, 20 to 11? Yeah, so I got back after midnight and I may have listened to a couple of records and had a bit more vodka and then went to bed. So, yeah, I was pooped.

It was a full day of flaneuring around and eating a lot of Japanese snacks. I don't know how many of those actually made the cut. Did they all make the cut? There was about 20 of them. They all made the cut. I had a lovely bus journey home. The bus, I had completely to myself as it went all the way around the back way of North London.

That's nice. And there's lots of little views you get as you're entering Wembley area. It's beautiful, isn't it? Yeah. Never Street. Lots of ups and downs and hills and back roads. Yeah.

It is a good one. I mean, that's what inspired me, basically, to suggest that as a picnic location i mean that's what inspired me basically to suggest that as a as a picnic location is that going coming from yours yeah the route there was interesting on that bus yeah and it was it was nice to have the whole bus to myself uh it felt like a limo and it was oh it was just nice because you know when like a bus stop because it's quiet at the moment because you know considering so it hardly stopped at any of the bus stops so i was like oh i'm going straight home oh eat that uber yeah no it's nice isn't it i mean that is when you really start to appreciate the like the the depth of infrastructure you know in in this city is when

you get on a bus by yourself and it just smoothly delivers you across the top of london beautiful beautiful it was a lovely day out and you, our audience thought it was a warming episode, a cheery episode. Good to see the gang back in action. Ooh. Ooh. Now, Paul. Yeah.

As it was a success, I mean, it is something moving forward we could do again. There are other little pockets around the North Circular that I'd like to explore. So maybe in a few months' time, we might go back. Yeah. Back up those ways and uh look at some other shit parks yeah stuff it was you know what we maybe could do a canal walk or one of

those old train line walks that don't exist anymore yeah we got those we definitely got those but there's other parks on that route yeah like in finchley i've noticed this park which is like one of those long thin ones yeah and those long thin parks tend to be either following old rivers or like you said um disused rail lines so i want to there's there's a lot there's a lot to look into there is you know what i'm saying and i'm thinking of rebranding the show middle class show cozy middle class old man show it's not fucking middle class is it oh cozy middle class oh cozy cozy old man show all right i'll be up let's just call it the old cuddly man show every week we cuddle an old man you know what i'm thinking more along if you could take that idea and sort of combine it with the sauce bollock so you spoff an old man i'm the sauce

bollock avenger oh oh no, Paul's getting away. Give me the hot sauce, long range hot sauce pods. Oh, I'm getting away with this crime. Who's that following me? Oh, it's the Sauce Bollock Avenger. What's he doing? He's violently shaking his penis at me. What's that coming out?

It's hot sauce in me eyes. Ah, foiled again! Oh no, I don't think I'm going to be able to handle this arrest. I'll have to call in my superhero friend from the league, Queefhoffer! Queefhoffer! Queefhoffer, come in!

Come in, Queefhoffer! Hello, I'm Melton Palbery. You've completely fucking gone! Melton Palbery, also known as queef huffer i i have the queef huffer mantle for this quadrant that's why i answered the call queef huffer i need you here now to handle this arrest don't worry i'll inflate one of my queef balloons with a queef and then i'll float over the worst worst ever mr silver it's a Mr. Silverman. No, it's a whole, it's a whole universe, mate.

It's a whole universe. Oh no, who's this? Honey Hole. Yeah, exactly. I fight them out of my ass. I fire bees out of my ass. Yeah, you do. Honey Hole.

But you're a baddie. Aren't, isn't he a villain? What was his name? King Honey or something. Yeah. I don't know. I liked him. We'd have to look back. We'd have to look back on that. Although I did a villain? What was his name? King Honey or something. Yeah. I don't know. I liked him. We'd have to look back.

We'd have to look back on that. Although I did like your, what was it? Frozen Chili Church or something. Whatever it was called, Chili Church. It was like, brr, bonbon. It was Bread Church or something. Something like that. It was one of Digitizer's funnier videos.

So why not check it out on BiffoVision? Yes. The rebranded Digitizer, Mr. Biffo not check it out on biffo vision the yes the rebranded digitizer mr biffo channel it's called biffo vision i think that's a perfectly good name and uh and reflects his more wider you know i was never a retro gamer twat anyway yeah sorry gamut you know i've played pac-man does that make me you know, able to sort of dictate to fucking YouTubers what they should fucking do? Are you all right? Are you all right, mate? I'm not all right, mate.

Do you want to crack on with the show? Yeah, let's crack on, mate. All right, because we've got an interesting show today, and I'll explain all right after this sound effect. Oh, God, get out. Right, so this week, Mr. Silverman, I had a thought. Oh, yeah?

What happened? I had a thought. You had a thought? What happened? Did you have a shock or something? Nah, I'm not doing this week now. I've gone off the idea. What?

I've gone off the idea of doing this podcast now. Oh, no, you can't. You can't back out, Paul. I've got nothing. I haven't got... I've literally got nothing. There's no new source in here. There's... Well, this is, Paul. I've got nothing. I haven't got... I've literally got nothing. There's no new source in here.

There's... Well, this is the master plan I've had, the thought that I had. Was what? Right? We've got nothing, but what we can have is an unlimited access

to the creative thoughts and efforts of others. Stealing other people's stuff. Kind of. So what happened was I was sent a link this week about a news article. And the news article was basically about public domain stuff. And I So what happened was I was sent a link this week about a news article and the news article was basically about public domain stuff and I was surprised by it and I thought oh wouldn't

it be good if we did an episode all about public domain stuff so we could talk about songs and characters and novels that are free and you can use. Yeah. It's a good idea isn't it because we've got nothing else. Well. We have nothing else. We could introduce them to the world of Source Bollock Avenger and Queefuffer. It's the Queefuffer League. I hope you're getting that, Paul. No, why is it the Queefuffer League? Why does it have to be named after that one hero?

Because that one hero, similar to DC's Green Lantern, can change, or Iron Man. Because it's whoever has the... Whoever's got the power of the Queef Huffer for that quadrant. Yeah, but, like, for instance, the Justice League aren't called the Superman League,

are they? No, but... And, like, the Avengers aren't called the Iron Man Avengers. Yes, but there's a Green Lantern corpse, isn't there? Which is... Yeah, but that's a core. They're called Green Lanterns. It's fine.

All right, Queef Huffer Core. Queef Huffer Core. No, Huffer Core. Queef Huffer Core. Huffer Core. Queef Huffacore. No, Huffacore. Queef Huffacore. Queef Huffacore, you've carried a soul beyond. But only because it sounds like a Black Lace song from the 80s. They only choose people to be Queef Huffas

every quadrant. How do you do it? Well, firstly, you have to have the phenomes, pell, pellet, pelton, melon. The phenong pellet. The phenong. I mean, don't get me wrong. It is a cromulent word is kryptonite.

So you know what I mean? Yeah. So they always called something like melton pellet or pellet mowbray or, you know. No, you're thinking of pork pies. Well, that was the one. One time back in the 30s, they got a Melton Mowbray. A Melton Mowbray pork pie to be Queefuffer. But the point is, if some of these superheroes are now in the public domain,

then we could incorporate them. Like Queefuffer versus Dick Tracy or something. Right, the point of this week's episode is that we're talking about things in the public domain. In the public domain. Paul, are there any superheroes on this list coming up? Well, we're going to get to that a bit later on, but the answer is no with a yes caveat.

Because what you'll find is, like for instance, it doesn't come up in what we're going to talk about, but a great example is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Because of the characters featured in that were all, I believe, at public domain when Alan Moore made it. Yes, of course. That's how we got.

We will get to that. Okay. At a later date. Great. In the podcast. A later date in the podcast. Yeah. Eli.

Yes, am I being too, what? What am I doing? I'm drinking. Oh, fucking hell. Right, that's it. This is the last days of Rome on this fucking podcast now, mate. Infamy, infamy. They've all got it infamy.

You can only actually pull yourself through the making of the podcast now by indulging. With inebriation, yeah. Well, are you staying on brand by buying some terrible pre-mixed can? Yes, obviously. What do you think I am? What is it today? Strawberry mojito. Yeah. Well, are you staying on brand by buying some terrible pre-mixed can? Yes. Obviously. What do you think I am? What is it today?

Strawberry mojito. Oh, is that a nice one? Because I remember the one you took on the picnic, you said was very poor. Was that a, what was it? It's the same batch. Oh, all right. Okay. I'm drinking it.

Even though it's not that nice. It tastes like strawberry pop. I like pop. I like fizzy sweets and I don't like lager. It's a boy's drink. I don't like it. Paul, you know what we should do? Because there's so many different types of hooch,

alcoholic, soft drinks available now. We should do it on Cheap Eats or whatever, shouldn't we? Yeah, well, we did do Cheap Booze a while ago, didn't we? And found out that it was utter dog shit. But we should definitely do the Cheap Mixers. Yeah, definitely. Nice. I want you to taste Gusto Cola, because I think it's

the greatest cola. Gusto Cola? Yes. Is that another superhero? No. Hello, I am Gusto Cola. Right, I'm calling... That's all I've got for that. All I've got. It's not good, man. It's not good. You know what, Paul? You know what I'm regretting now?

What? I'm regretting using my Oscar the Grouch T-shirt to use as my pop guard because it looks like this weird phantom sort of gurning at me, screaming, a silent scream. It's weird. It's like a... Only you would look at the T-shirt of Oscar the Grouch and see a howling, screaming void come from it.

I'll show you the picture. It's really disturbing. It's like a green sort of nun. He looks like a green nun made of ectoplasm, screeching at me. It's got a cowl. Mate, it'll haunt you at night. Imagine that, your bedroom door opens

and then it hovers in round the corner and just says one word to you. What? Why? I'd say... Because. And then it'd say in return... and just says one word to you. What? Why? I'd say... Because. And then it'd say in return... And then float away.

Oh, mate, we're really failing this week. Really failing. Right, let's get on with the show then. Let's actually add the content. We've done the two-part banter, now we add the one-part content. Just like a mojito. So, we are talking about public domain stuff today because I thought it would be interesting to talk about it. And there were two articles that eventually I came across.

Do you want to make a joke about that? I don't. I actually don't. I'm so sick of that. It comes up every single week. Someone says came across or come across, you know? Yeah. Well, in that case, I won't make the stupid joke. Listen, Paul, let's have a rule. Let's have a rule. You can only use that pun, right? If you use saying come across in the other sense, as in, how did he come across? Yes. All right. Then you can make a spunk joke. Okay. So can I just read out the articles then that I found?

Well, all alright then. Okay, so the first one is, or the first one that I came across is, how to spaff your gizzy load all over your laptop. It's not even that funny. No, really not. So this article I found on a Canadian website called The A-Side, which I believe is about vinyl. Okay.

But it's called Six Songs Surprisingly in the Public Domain. And it did surprise me. Now, a lot of the article talks about Canada specifically because obviously it's the country that has made this article. But... What? The article was written by the Canadian government? No, the website,

I'm reading it, the A-side, on the A-side.com. It's a Canadian government, it's a government website? Is it like Canada... No, it's not... No.

Right. No. So you're saying the article originated in Canada, so a lot of the content is Canada-focused. Some of the specifics are about Canadian copyright law. I see.

However, the bulk of the article is about songs that you'll be surprised to know you can perform because they're out of public domain. Okay. Or in the public domain, I guess. Would you like to hear them? I would. I'm fascinated. So the first one, it lists... I'll see if I'm surprised. I'll see how surprised I am here. Alright, okay. So, one is

not surprised. I couldn't give a shit. That doesn't surprise me. And five is... What? No! Okay. First track. Take me out to the ball game. Remember that? Take me out to the

ball game. I couldn't... it's one of those songs that i know of but is uh i don't associate with any artist or singer it was originally a 1908 song and the lyrics to the ballpark standby are now in the public domain in the us and the uk so what you've got to worry about when creating your perfect bs league soundtrack is looking around the norgan to the diamond. I hate it when they try and be funny in an article. Just tell me a fact, mate. Can we do our own version of that then?

Take me off to the spoff shop. Something like that. I don't even know how it goes. It goes, take me out to the ball game, what? And then... Hang on, let me play a little bit for you. Hang on. Take me out to the ball game, what? And then... Hang on, let me play a little bit for you. Hang on. Take me out to the ball game,

sung by Edward Meeker, Edison Records. Katie, Katie was baseball mad Had the fever and had it bad Just to root for the hometown Through every stew, Katie Blue On a Saturday, her young foe © BF-WATCH TV 2021 Out to the ball game. Take me out with the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks. I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team. If they don't win, it's a shame.

For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out at the old ball game. Right, I've got the idea now. I've got the idea, Paul. I think I'll take a pass at it, yeah? Yeah, you take a pass at it. Eli Silverman presents his take on the public domain track Take Me Out To The Ball Game. Oh, squeeze it out of my nut ball.

All up. Take me down to the spothole. Squeeze it out of my nut hole massage my penis and get some peanuts you like that bit and spooge me out did you even listen to the song i tried i couldn't pick up on a lot of it he said peanuts buy me some peanuts at one point. He did. He did. Yeah. So. Yeah. Spooge it out of my nut ball. No? God. Right, next.

The next one. No, you're going to ask me how surprised I am. How surprised are you? I'm a one on that one. Not surprised. One. Fine. Good.

One is fine. The next one did surprise me, but will it surprise you? The song is House of the Rising Sun. Ah, interesting. Now, it says here in the article, while the animals who did the song originally, while their iconic arrangement of the traditional folk song is certainly still very much on the copyright, no one can claim the right to the original music and lyrics

since the original songwriter is unknown. The oldest known recording of the song is a version from 1933 by Clarence Tom Ashley, and he said he learned it from his grandfather. So this is one of those songs, those blues tunes that, you know, again, it doesn't surprise me. It's ancient.

It's like, do you know Hendrix's Hey Joe? Yes. Now that is based on one of these songs as well. So he did his version, Hendrix's version, is a cover of Joe South, a Joe. Yes. Now that is based on one of these songs as well. So he did it, his version, Hendrix's version is a cover of Joe South, a Joe South tune. But there's a female singing fronted version as well, which isn't ever, which was from the, like the 40s, I think. But there's a lot of this with these types of songs.

Is it still called, and they're called Hey Joe, or just like the riff is the same, but the songs use them differently? The lyrics are the same so it's about oh right and if you think about it hey joe is all about um a guy who's going to kill his wife isn't it he's going to go down and kill his wife and that is such a classic that is a whole tradition in these blues songs isn't it murder ballads or whatever they are you know there's loads of them yeah there's loads of different ones and house of the rising sun is also negative it's hell he's going to hell isn't he in house of the rising sun so yeah there's loads of different ones and house of the rising sun is also negative it's

hell he's going to hell isn't he in house of the rising sun so yeah there's a video that accompanies the article and in the video this guy talks about how it seems like it's an old kind of folk song originally and the lyrics were different because it could either be sung from a woman's point of view or a male's point of view, viewing the action from different perspectives. That's interesting, because that, like, Hey Joe is a bit like that as well, because, like I say, I think the version predating Hendrix's and Joe South's was a female singer, so...

Also, isn't Golden Slumbers the same case, where, like, Paul McCartney didn't write the lyrics, they're like some old maritime poem, and he just put it to the tune? Yes. So there's so much of that stuff, and especially with the blues, what happens with the blues is those are songs that never were written and passed down from generation to generation, weren't they? Before there was any copyright.

And then, you know, it's contentious, but then a lot of these rock, blues, rock, white guys, Brit guys managed to use them without any copyright when they in fact, you know, they nicked them. So I didn't know that, though. I didn't know until this article that the House of the Rising Sun was, you know, kind of out of public domain. Yeah, again, I'm not that surprised because it's...

I just knew that. I knew that. I'll give you what I'm going to do. What? I'm going to do my own version. Okay. You fucking watch this. I'm going to do my own version of House of the Rising Sun. Here we go.

Ready? All right. You fucking listen to this, you big pricks. All right. Yeah, even you listening. Okay.

Woo. Come on. We're getting a vocal as well. Eventually, I'm going to get to the vocal. I'll do it now, actually. Bloody hell. Just do it for one bar, then straight in, mate. All right.

I'm waiting. Start again. All right. I'm waiting. Start again. All right, here you go. There is a house in Farringdon. It's called the House of Pickles. You're in Farringdon. I've just realised that. It's Haringey. Haringey. Scans better. Come on. Shut up. All're in Farringdon. I've just realised that. It's Haringey.

Haringey. Scans better. Come on. Shut up. Right, here we go. Farringdon. There is a house in Haringey. It's called the house of pickles. And it's been the ruin of a

sad fat old man and he hasn't felt any tickles in his balls since, you know, he was small. His mother she was... I've got nothing.

Pretty good though, Paul. I'll work on it. I'll do House of the Pickles. House good, though, Paul. Pretty good. I'll work on it. I'll do House of the Pickles. House of the Rising Pickles. Yeah. House of the Rising Pickles. That's good, because that's like my dick as well. Yeah.

The room is covered in his belly sauce. It smells all spoffy and gross. He's got tons and tons of empty tubs Of toss and spoff and toast Tubs of toast, yeah, no. Definitely, Paul, you're winning. My version of At The Ball Game pales in comparison to that. Good.

Next one. Happy Birthday. Obviously, we know about Happy Birthday. Why am I meant to be surprised that that's out of copyright? I'm not surprised in the least. I'm not. None of these. We all know.

No, I also wanted to say, Paul, House of the Rising Sun, there is an excellent sort of dub reggae version called... House of the Rising Dub? Something like that. Dub of the Rising Dub. There's quite a few reggae version called... House of the Rising Dub? Something like that. Dub of the Rising Dub. There's quite a few reggae versions, actually. And it's one of the most covered songs ever, I'd say, House of the Rising. I can understand why. It's a very simple song to play. Yes.

Right, next. Here we go. The Beatles, Love Me Do. Well, Colour Me Surprised. Are you a bit surprised by that one? I want to sex you up by colour me surprised. Although the European Union and Canada have extended the copyright protection from 50 to 70

years, the copyright on the recording of Love Me Do was not applied retroactively, meaning anyone can distribute the record as long as they pay a publishing fee. So I don't quite understand does that does that mean like in certain countries then they if a song fell out of copyright they could apply and

retroactively put it back into copyright yeah well there was this whole thing where paul mccartney basically was behind the move wasn't he to extend the copyright from 50 to 70 so that i mean it seems like so that he could keep getting paid hand over fist for the Beatles stuff. I don't know. I don't know. It's an interesting thing, though, isn't it? Love Me Do could fall through the cracks of copyright. Was Love Me Do their first ever single, I believe?

I don't know. It was one of their very early ones, and perhaps it was under a different sort of publishing arrangement. What does it say? Read that again. I didn't follow that. I didn't really understand it myself, because obviously it's one of those affected titles. Take another pass at me about what the details...

Rick, could you read it out to me again, please? Although the European Union and Canada have extended copyright protection from 50 to 70 years, the copyright on the original recording of Love Me Do was not applied rectoactively, meaning that anyone could distribute the recording as long as they pay a publishing fee. Yeah, but why that song?

I don't know. I don't understand. I don't know. It was the debut single by the Beatles. You're right. Yeah. So maybe it's a sort of it's

there was some reason why that wasn't retroactively included. Yeah, it is very strange that one. Yeah. And I think that's the one that's the one where there's that doesn't have Ringo on it or something.

It has the original, the other drummer, Peter Sutcliffe, was it? Oh, it says Pete Best was on one version of it. And that was featured on the anthology version. Ah, I see. Okay. And one has Andy White on drums in one version of it as well. Yeah, because they were still deciding whether to have Ringo as their drummer at the time, I think, weren't they?

Well, you know, funnily enough, at the time when Ringo became popular, he was the kind of Charlie Chaplin of the group. He always turned up in those comedy films as kind of a silent, bumbling clown. Like, was it the Magic Christian he was in, basically playing a kind of silent clown? Well, he was the funniest Beatle, wasn't he? Yeah. And of the remaining two Beatles, he is still the funniest in my idea. Yeah, only because I don't think he's living in the real fucking world anymore.

He's just sitting there rolling in his Thomas the Tank Engine money, going, hello, I'm Ringo Starr. Fab. Oh, Thomas the Tank Engine would like to suck my cock. Fab. Right. You know what? I just said that, and as it came out of my mouth,

I was like, that is not the best you could have done there, Paul. You know what? I just said that. And as it came out of my mouth, I was like, that is not the best you could have done there, Paul. You know? I just thought, I thought the visual was enough of, you know, Thomas the Tank Engine

sucking on a Beatles cock was funny. But I don't know if it is. What do you think? What about Thomas the Tank Engine is a Thomas the Tank penis and he's hurtling down

a hairy line into a big vag tunnel. Thomas the wank engine. Yeah. Oh, Thomas, we've put too much coal in your engine and now all spunk's coming out your tooth hole. Oh no, said the spaff controller.

Here comes Thomas the wank engine. Right, we'll do one more from this list because there's only one more left. Well, happy birthday, that's bullshit. So no one's getting paid for that anymore. Does that mean when that was in copyright, if you had like a birthday party, you weren't allowed to...

Theoretically, yeah. ...perform it in public? Weird. That's weird. You know what's weird about that is that it was in copyright not that it isn't anymore but that it was ever next and final here's a song it's rocking robin a potentially out of copyright song uh the copyright on singer bobby day's original version of rocking robin was never renewed leaving the music and lyrics free for all to cover to their heart's content. Royalty free. But just don't try it with Michael Jackson's 1972 arrangement of the song.

That is still under copyright. Okay, so it's a different song. I don't get it. I know the original. It's great. I really want a copy because it's great if you're doing a rock and roll sort of set. Well, let's just play a little bit of it now, because we can. Go on. So yeah.

And what is it though? It's excellent, that song. Don't you think? It is. That is an excellent version. I like the kind of heavy, bassy background to it. You know, it, though? It's excellent, that song, don't you think? It is. That is an excellent version. I like the kind of heavy, bassy background to it. You know, the kind of... It's brilliant.

So danceable. It's so danceable. And it's, you know... And it's one of those ones that, because of the Jackson stuff, a modern crowd will respond to the original because they'll recognise the song. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Even though it's not the version they know. But that version, I just think that's excellent. It just blows my mind, though, that you can record a song. I presume Bobby Day's Rockin' Robin was a hit to some extent. Yes. Yes, it was. So a song can be a hit, fall out of copyright, someone else can cover it, but then that arrangement

has the copyright. So what? You couldn't literally take the arrangement from Michael Jackson's version and do it, but you could. It's probably a different, it's a different arrangement than Michael Jackson one. They've sort of funked it up and it's different.

But also it's to do with whatever the condition that Bobby Day was under with his contract at the time. Do you see what I mean? So he didn't own his songs? Yes. The earlier you go, the less likely an artist especially a black artist in america is to have any uh any control so and what they used to do in the states is if

there was a hit in one in one region of the country they'd just make a copy record so they just get someone else just to do it and there's that happened all the way up till to the 50s you know so yeah because i could imagine it was very easy for a west coast radio station to go have you heard this east coast track let's play the this artist on the west coast is on a cover of it yeah yeah and they just they just copied it but there's no there were yes there's no licensing those with those copy records they just they just nick it they just copy it you know You know what I mean? It's a very interesting area. What's your favourite of those tunes on the list, Paul?

Is it the Beatles or the Bobby Day? Probably Bobby Day. I like Rockin' Robin a lot. It's a great track. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And the most surprising for me would be the Beatles. Yeah, I'm a bit fuzzy on the implications of that.

I was scanning over a Wikipedia article, but it didn't seem to mention much about it, so weird. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. But if you want to read about Love Me Do, there's a fucking kick-ass Wikipedia page all about it. But I can tell you it peaked at 17 in 1962. Right, so it's very early and it wasn't even a hit.

Well, that's a hit. I guess that's a hit, yeah. Back then, yeah, if you got to number 17, that was a good thing. I think the timeline is, isn't it, that they did that and then this was before the Hamburg years. Then they went to Hamburg soon after releasing that. I think so.

So it's before the Beatles really got drilled in Hamburg. Because, you know, in Hamburg, they were doing three shows a night or whatever on perks, on speed pills. And then because of the long hours and the overwork, they really... Mate, let's do that then for us. Let's do Cheap Show in Hamburg

and we'll do three shows a day on speed. Mate, we would not survive. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. My name's Paul Gallagher. Spaff, come, bollocks. Mate, we would not survive. Hello, welcome to the tube show. My name's Paul Gallagher. Spaff, cum, bollocks. Oh, come on, Eli. Suck me off, suck my dick. Suck me off, suck my dick.

Suck me off, suck my dick. Big, big, big, big, big, big. Suck a dick, suck a dick. Big, big, big, big, big. I can't do this week. I can't do it. You can do it. I can't do this week.

Do you need aid from a super friend? I've got Pelton Malbury's on speed dial. Dook, dook, dook, dook, dook, dook. Hello, Queef Huffer. Queef Huffer, thank you. Paul doesn't want to do the podcast. I'll be right over on my Queefmobile powered on Queefs. Hello, Queef Huffer, Paul. Powered on queefs. Hello?

Queefuffer, Paul. I heard you're down in the dumps, lads. What's the matter, lad? I am. What's the matter? I've been working nights and I'm tired and we're running out of material and the shops aren't opening. It's the end of the world.

Paul? Yeah? I'm the queefuffer and, you know, I've been through some real adversities with my baddie, Nutlicker. He once licked my nuts clean off. Yeah. So I'm going to make a special gesture of kindness for you, Paul, to help you do the podcast. Here on my Belto Queef.

You are like 60s Batman, where it's just you put the word Queef on everything you have. Yeah. On my Queef stick. Belto queef. It's my belto queef. And here is a reviver queef. And it's got... Paul, it's a spicy, spicy queef.

So... I will have a sniff of it now. Give it here. Here you go. Suck it up. I'm off. Here we go. Hang on.

That's good shit. Quee-fafa. Quee-fafa. Yeah. Mate, I'm going to have to whack my spaff out. No. That wasn't... I am the spaff controller, Thomas. Come here.

The spath Controller. I am now the nemesis. I have been created by Quiffuffer and I am your mortal enemy, the Spath Controller. I'm the Talking Vag Tunnel. Remember me? No, I don't want to remember that.

Let's just move on to the next part of the show. Yes. So we have done our fair share of songs today, a few little soups on of tracks, and I thought instead we could do... Oh, you know what? I'm going to start this one again. I can't.

Yeah, do that again. Yeah, do it again. So apparently, Eli, there's a load of characters in the public domain, and we should have a look at them and talk about them and do them. Oh, God. What? No.

What? Try it one more time. That was fine. It was blunt. No, just say, look, okay, so there's not only songs. Should I do it, Paul? Yeah, why don't you do it? Go on.

Okay. Right. Well, Paul, we looked at some songs there that know that are oh dear i've got it i've got it it's always hard it's always hard yeah it's not though it's mostly rubbery it's constantly hard it's not it's like a snippet of it's like a snippet of a garden hose well paul we've just covered some songs that are now in the public domain or have been for some years in some cases, but that's not the only type of thing that can be in the public domain.

You can also have characters and whole movies and books. That is correct. It's not mostly movies because movies tend to be more protected with their copyright because, you know, movie companies are greedy. So, you know, i'm not doing this episode you know what i can't keep my brain literally i start a sentence and my brain goes come on come on no you're not now all right that's all right don't worry about it let's try it just one more time yeah we'll keep rolling keep the skid stay in the picture mate so yeah i saw this

so i was looking for all these articles about copywriting things like that and it's not necessarily movies but yeah characters from the public domain which is why you see a shit ton of these characters every few years or so you know that time in robin hood there's like three robin hood movies that came out yes now that's because anyone can use robin hood but paul I'm confused because some studios, like for the Spider-Man thing and also in the people who had the Marvel stuff in the 90s,

like Corman did a Captain America film and he did a Fantastic Four film. And wasn't that to do with, weren't those films made just to keep the copyright? I believe so. I believe the copyright was nearly up on Fantastic Four, so Corman was asked to bang out a movie

so this German company could retain the license. Okay. But what with these characters? Couldn't they have been kept going, kept in copyright by people over the years? I don't understand. I don't understand. I mean, this is the thing.

It's like maybe you'll notice that a lot of the people we're going to talk about in this segment now are characters from like you know 100 years ago so like harry potter ain't gonna fall out of public domain anytime soon but these ones will because they've been around so long they've kind of fallen off the the copyright train yes that but that's what i'm asking is, could they still be in copyright if a certain company or whatever had kept making things with them in? I don't know.

The whole way along. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, because there was a ton of Sherlock Holmes movies, but then at the same time, it's like you look at the whole brouhaha about James Bond and when they released Octopussy

and Never Say Never Again the same year. And they were two Bond films made by two completely different production companies because the rights fell into a nebulous kind of middle ground where basically,

I can't remember all the details right now, but there's a writer and he wrote the plot to Thunderball. And Thunderball was a movie before it was a book. And so when Ian Fleming wrote the book

he based it off the movie and basically infringed the copyright of the guy who wrote the script because he invented things like Blofeld and certain tropes in the James Bond world so fast forward so Blofeld wasn't a Fleming creation Blofeld wasn't an original

not as far as I remember and as I say it meant that you can use Blofeld in a movie outside of Bond potentially so in the 80s this guy who had written the script suing the Broccoli's and MGM for years about this that and the other finally got a remake of Bond made but it had to be based on the script of Thunderball, which is why Never Say Never Again is basically a remake of Thunderball. And is it any good? No. It's directed by Irvin Kershner, who did Robocop 2

and he did The Empire Strikes Back. Wow. And it had Sean Connery in, because he was like, oh, I'll fucking do it for the money, mate. Which I think he gave to a charity in the end, to be fair. Yeah, because he said he'd never do Playbond again, which is why it's called that isn't it yeah but it was released the same year as octopussy but octopussy was the bigger film that year and and is octopussy a better bond film well

i've never liked thunderball because i found thunderball boring and so never say never again is an 80s more boring thunderball and octopus octopussy's better well no because octopussy's the one where he dresses up as a clown and jumps over a train as a Fabergé egg, and it's called Octopussy. We're all pretentious, like, fucking hiding the innuendo. It was right up the... They may as well have called it, you know, fucking Fishy Fanny or something. At that point, you may as well have called it that.

Octofanny. Stinky Clout. Fajacha Tatata Okay So let's go through the list of characters that you can potentially do your own versions of Copyright is complex this article

says so if you want to use any of these characters it says you do have to explore them because in one instance when we talk about Sherlock Holmes, the Arthur Conan Doyle estate apparently have the right still to the last 20 stories or something weird. Ah, okay. So every now and then, they say, oh, this infringes on the identity of Sherlock Holmes as written in these last 20 stories. I see. So it gets a bit complicated.

Right. Here's the first one. Sherlock Holmes? Is it Sherlock Holmes? Okay. I mean, it is. We'll get to that it gets a bit complicated. Right, here's the first one. Sherlock Holmes? Is it Sherlock Holmes? Okay. I mean, it is. We'll get to that one in a bit. But the first one on this list, because we're not going to do a load,

there's about 20, but this one, Dracula and other Bram Stoker characters. Aha. Dracula is one of the most recognisable fictional names in literature and film. And while many adaptations, says this article on the HuffPost, have been lacklustre. The overall vampire genre has been done ten times over. So this is a property that screenwriters could go in search of for a fresh and new take on the characters

found within the book. Well, they often do, don't they? There's a new take of Dracula sort of every 15 years or so, isn't there? Always. Dracula Unbound recently, which was meant to reboot the Universal Movie Monsters, and it didn't. Yeah, what was that?

Exactly. That's exactly the point. It came out and then was like... Who was Dracula? I don't remember. Oh, weird. Alan Bennett. Alan Bennett was Dracula? Alan Bennett's Dracula, yeah. Oh, I tell you.

Oh, I was sitting there one night and that Mr. Harker came in and I tell you, I couldn't tell his guts for garters. He came dressed like a five pence fief, I tell you. I said, do you want to get those windows clean? And he went, not at night, I close them during the day. Don't like to let the sun in. You know what I mean? Great. That was great great paul talking deads

so uh alan bennett was a different alan bennett oh alan bennett wrote this shakes wrote dracula has nothing to do with it i was just saying in a kind of 1980s copycats way could you imagine if alan bennett did dracula yeah so and that's because dracula is it's funny it mentions other vampire stuff i mean it all comes from dracula the whole vampire genre comes from that one novel essentially pretty much i mean yeah there were sort of legends of blood-sucking monsters in folklore before that but yeah our whole our whole conception of a vampire is all found in the pages of that novel bram stoker's novel certainly western belief of vampires comes from that because there were

chinese and japanese vampire-esque monsters that obviously existed a long time before bram stoker wrote anything so you know it's obviously just i think because he didn't he say he based it on a real illness like that was like a kind of anemia or something like that yes yes he did and it's funny because the the highgate vampire sean manchester when described describing the highgate vampire he it's like he hasn't got any other sort of material to work from apart from the story of dracula and so that's why it's so funny that when he's describing this supernatural entity in the Highgate uh wood he's basically like describes Dracula doesn't he and he says oh he came on a he came on a ship like in a coffin on a ship and it's like that's the plot of Dracula

mate like come on you're informed I think unknowingly yeah with pop culture and obviously at the time there'd been tons of Dracula films and there was a bit of satanic panic going around. So I can imagine it all just fell into really heavy trope-y type basic understanding of the supernatural when it came to him chasing the fucking Highgate vampire. Yeah, it's like a proto-satanic panic sort of story, isn't it, in a lot of ways. And it came sort of just the era before.

But you'd had uh rosemary's baby it was i believe 69 it came out and um and also all the hammer draculas which are some of the best dracula films aren't they like the first couple i mean he's he's one of the for me he's one of the great the greatest screen draculas yeah and apparently if you listen carefully film by film he says less and less because he agreed to do the film, but if he didn't have to say any of the shit dialogue. So I think by having it to his last film or whatever, he hardly says anything in it. He just looms, but he was brilliant, wasn't he? Because I kind of like the really bad one. Because there was two set in the 70s, and I always get confused between the two, but I think there's one called Dracula AD 1970, and I love that one. No, it's 73, AD 73. Yeah, I think that's one called like Dracula AD 1970, and I love that one.

No, it's 73, AD 73. Yeah, I think that's the one I really like. And that's the one which is closest in terms of plot to the Highgate Vampire. Yeah, weirdly. Yeah, yeah. It's brilliant. That has some of the worst night for day shooting I've ever seen in a film.

Two stars. So, Eli, let's do Cheap Show's Dracula. Well, Cheap Show's Dracula already exists, doesn't he? I mean, we've already sort of interpreted him. I think that's a character I'd like to see the return of right now, Paul. Would you? I'll be Mina Harker. Okay, well, let's do it.

Cheap Show presents... Listen, hang on, Paul, hang on. I'll be Mina Harker working in a charity shop. Okay. And I'll be Dracula coming in. And I'll be looking through all the new stuff, including, wink, wink, a coffin. Wait, are you working there or shopping there?

I'm working there. I'm in the back room trying to sort out the new... The just arrived. All right. And it's obviously late in the day because like Shakespeare Dracula couldn't come out at night yeah okay alright okay here we go

ladies and gentlemen and remember you're not you don't come out of the until I open the yeah alright I don't want to hear from you while I'm doing a monologue at the top still going to do the introduction ladies and gentlemen you while I'm doing a monologue at the top I'm still going to do the introduction Ladies and gentlemen, Cheap Show

Shut up, I'm doing the introduction I'm trying to get the voice right Do the introduction Hello, I'm Mina Harker Hello, Mina, hello Mina Harker, hello Here we go Ladies and gentlemen, Cheap Show Theatre

presents Glandstroker's Dracula. It's towards the end of the day now and I've still got all of this stuff to sort out and put out on the shelves. It sometimes is quite onerous. I'll just have to sort out all of this stuff that's just arrived. Oh, there's some books. Oh, there's The Wizard of Oz.

Oh, I've never read that. Oh, what's over here? Oh, it looks like a sarcophagus. Oh, I don't know. It might be full of soil. It smells of soil. Very strange. I'll see if there's anything valuable in there.

I'll just use this crowbar. Where am I? What year is this? Oh, it's 2020. My name What year is this? Oh, it's 2020. Ah, my name is Charity Shop Vampire Dracula III. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. Why, you are a pretty lady.

I don't know why I went Italian then. It's Mina Harker. Um. Mina. What would you like? You look like a love from my past lives in Transylvania. You are a pretty lady. Um, what about my nipples?

Are they generous? Are they very generous? I don't quite understand what you're dating at. I want you to say that my nipples are generous in that Italian accent of yours. You know what, love? Put me back in the coffin. I'm pretty fucking bored of this. Hello, you have to say something about I want to suck your cock. Yeah, I know, but you keep going on about your nipples and it's very difficult to say.

No, they are generous. They're very generous. nipples and it's very they are generous they're very generous listen dearest mina i come from a dark castle in the deepest darkest transylvania right i have traveled all this way by boat and by plane to get to you my love over the centuries generation after generation i have reached you Generation after generation I have reached you All the way across time and space To here And all I want To suck your cock

Now Problem There's a problem there I don't have no cock Can you point me in the direction Of a cock? I can suck. You could describe my nipples.

They're very... You know what? You know what, love? You know what, love? I've just got to go back. This is a prank that got out of hand. Bob up the road put me up to it. Bob up the road put me up to it. He said...

Oh, that Bob. Oh, that Bob. Go in the coffin and pretend to be Dracula. And I said, all right, then I'll do it. But, you know, only if you give me back my kids. Well, I'd like you to say generous nipples in Italian accent. Right. You have very pretty titties.

All right. That's the end of that. Christ. That's the end of that one. Right, next. I've tried to be an actor sometimes in my life. You know that, Paul? And then I do things like that and I think,

God, who am I trying to kid? Really? Well, finally the truth comes out, ladies and gentlemen. Episode 185. He, like, realises his acting skills are subpar. Fuck off. Here's another one we can do, though. Here's a good one.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. How about this? The 1886 novel written by Robert Louis Stevenson inspired many TV and film adaptations and created a common trope of a man with two conflicting personalities. While the story has become somewhat cliché, a direct adaptation or screenplay

inspired by the original story could still offer scriptwriters a great platform and character base to work from it's another classic of the horror genre isn't it it's very similar to the werewolf kind of thing as well the kind of transformative the releasing of the beast it is basically a sort of modern well at the time modern retelling of of the sort of werewolf myth isn't it also it's very interesting because he was sort of obviously was he did he predate freud because it's always like the sort of the id isn't it you know i don't know but another factor about it is you remember like science and the industrial revolution was like coming through at this time and so there's a

sense of playing god there's a sense of like you know prometheus to it as well similar to frankenstein yes yes now robert lewis jameson also famously wrote suck my cock call 015 1228161 on the bathroom roll on the cocking bull he all famously wrote treasure island which has long john silver in it now i wonder if you can Silver, arr! I wonder if he's in copyright, arr! Oh, maybe. I don't know. That's a good point, that, isn't it? Oh, laddy, me lad. Put a piece of silver in me knob end. Hello. Put a piece of

silver in your knob end. In me knob end, arr! Too right. Just under the skin? Or pressed into the meters, like a penny slot machine? Oh, arr, put it in the meatus, me lad, and then sing me a jig and put some rum on it. Arr, I'm a cyclops.

Arr, arr. You're a cyclops? You're not, you're a pirate. I'm a cyclops pirate. Arr. Listen to me, Chad. Oh, God, we're not doing... Listen to me, Jimmy lad.

Listen to this, me Jimmy lad. Listen to me, Jimmy lad. Oh, God, we're not doing... Listen to me, Jimmy lad. Listen to this, me Jimmy lad. Listen to me, Jimmy lad. Listen to this, me Jimmy lad. You've not read any of the books, have you, that we're talking about, in any respect? Listen to me, my Jimmy lad. I tell you what, I am a cyclops and I prove it. Just lift the patch. Come on, reach over.

Lift the patch up. Come on. You'll see, instead of a disgusting eye hole it's smooth because i was only born with one eye because i'm the son of a monster and a hydra who made love under the waves crawled up and then birthed me in a cave and I'm a I'm a cyclops Arrrr put a piece of silver up my arse Mate, I'm getting the acting bug back

It's coming back Thank you for coming in today We don't think you're quite right for the role but you've brought some very interesting things to the table today We won't be calling you back. Why not? Just that way.

Because we thought the fact that you were very obsessed with your penis in the role and that it came across as quite threatening was not really the kind of Long John Silver we're looking for. I can do it without being obsessed with the penis. I can do whatever you want. I can do it any way you want, mate. I can do it any way. Please give me another chance.

I haven't even got bus fare home. Okay, well then the way I'd like you to do it is way you want, mate. I can do it any way. Please give me another chance. I haven't even got bus fare home. Okay, well then the way I'd like you to do it is in no way at all. No, I would like you to do it in no way at all, if that's all right. The way I'd like is for you to do it in no way at all. Okay, I could do that. Arr! Arr! Arr!

Me bumhole! Arr! Arr! How about we have a crack at Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and you can play both characters and that could be an interesting actor's role for you, you know? Okay, let's try that. So you're Dr. Jekyll and you take the potion

and then you're Mr. Hyde and then let's say I'm a scientist friend who comes in at the wrong moment and sees the thing and we'll do it from that way, all right? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen cheap show theater presents robert gooey steven spoffsons dr jekyll mr hive ah what a tiring day ah those patients they do test the patience of a man if he's a doctor like

i am i'm just looking up for the night, so I just want to make sure you're okay before I leave the premises. Jenkins, I'm absolutely fine. Thank you for asking. I'm just going to powder my I'm going to powder my wrists, trim my fingernails, stroke the tash, and then I'm off to bed. All right, then. Hot toddy. Yes.

Take care, then. I'll just go for the evening. See you in the morning, sir. Goodbye. Ah. He's so good, Jenkins. Ah, so good to me. Hmm, sometimes I wish I could... Never mind. Oh, what's this? This is that...

Can I stop you there? What were you thinking of doing to Jenkins? Fucking him. Goodness, that's fine, I know. Go on, carry on. Oh, what's this? This is that medicine, yes, that I was working on. Oh, I am feeling quite agitated. Perhaps it will have a somnambulative effect on one's concern.

Oh, I'll just try a little sip. Perhaps it will send me off to sleep. I do need to rest, but all this medical work is rushing round my head. Perhaps just a little sip, and I'll be sedated. It is an experimental formula of my own design, so perhaps I could kill two birds with one stone, and see whether it works, and also maybe if it does work, catch some Zs. Okay, here I go. I'll just unscrew it. It's got a very heady odour.

I'll just have a little sip. Let's party! Yeah, I like it! Well, oh, sir, I've just come in to collect my house keys, for I forgot them I did. You're a nasty little man, but I like you! I like it! this mr jackal i don't understand what have you become you you look like a beast there's no jackal here only hide give us your little wiener you i'll scrub it off oh oh what's this oh i'll scrub it off. Oh, what's this? I'll scrub it round. Coming round, scrubbing hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's right, Mr. Hyde. That's right, Mr. Hyde. You do it. Oh, you do it. You do it. Now imagine, imagine I come in your mouth and you turn into Dr. Jekyll. And then you don't know what's going on. Turn back and I'm plums deep in a doctor's mouth.

Stop the scene now. Oh, that's right, Mr. Jekyll. Oh, it's my special potion. It will turn you back to Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They promise you. They promise you. No. No, you're doing the noise now. That's who's next on the No. No, you're doing the noise

now. That's who's next on the list. Right, we'll do one more because there's a fair few.

So I'll read a few out and you tell me which one you'd like, all right? Okay, okay, cool.

We've got Robin Hood, Sherlock Holmes, which I think we've done Sherlock Holmes when we did the episode

of when we played 221B Baker Street. Yes, that's true. We've got Tarzan. That's very

problematic. We've got Robinson Crusoe. That's very problematic. We've got Robinson Crusoe. That's very problematic. Exactly. Fumanchu. That's problematic. Problematic. Peter Pan.

Pinocchio. That's problematic. Depends on how we do it. No, it is. Alright, well then how about we do Pinocchio? I could be Pinocchio, all innocent, wanting to be a real boy, and you could be Stromboli, who wants me to join the circus and Pleasure Island and all that stuff. No, come on.

What's on the list? Who else is on the list? What do you mean? I want to do that one. No, fuck you. There's Alice in Wonderland as well. You know what? I'll tell you.

Listen, if we do Pinocchio, Paul, if we do Pinocchio, Paul, I'll tell you what's going to end up. Yeah. You see, end up with you with your nose in my arse and me going, tell me lies Tell me lies Oh gee golly

I'm just the biggest hedgehog in all the village Yeah, lie to me Oh gee willikers, Mr Stromboli Why I'm a human biscuit. Oh, that hasn't reached the fucking prostate. Tell a big one. Oh, gee willikers, I got one for you.

How about this? How about, oh, I once invented the post-it note. Yeah, but, Paul, that was good. But you weren't, if you think about it, if the nose was all the way up the guy's arse... This is your fantasy, don't correct me on it. No, I'm just saying your voice would be constricted by the fact that your nose is blocked, so it'd be more nasal, like someone with a cold.

Oh, gee willikers. Yeah, there you go. Batman was invented by two chickens called Gary. Gary. chickens called Gary. Batman was invented by two chickens called Gary. Great. I'm giving you the Badger Award for the episode. Yay, Badger Award.

So we got that. You're getting the Badger Medal. Read the list. Come on, more. Island of Fu Manchu, Wizard of Oz, and King Arthur. I am Arthur. No, it's just to do with Monty Python. Yeah, that's the problem with that one. Phantom of the Opera and Frankenstein's Monster.

What was the one after Pinocchio? I said after Pinocchio. Alice. Alice in Wonderland. Yeah. Alice in Wonderland. I like Alice in Wonderland. Do you want to do Alice in Wonderland then?

Yeah. Can I be Alice? Yeah, you be Alice and I'll be... Hello. Who could I be? What scene could we do? Well, we're going to do our own version of the beginning. Yeah.

So down the rabbit hole bit, yeah? Oh, all right. So I'll play the white rabbit. Yes. All right. Okay. Here we go. Cheap Show Theatre alice in wonderland

wonder gland alice in wonder gland la la la la la la la la la all the pretty flowers la la la looking along la la la i'm late i'm late for a very important date. I'm a white rabbit. I've never seen such a rabbit that talks. And he's got clothing on. I don't believe it. It's curious.

I'm curious. Very curious. I've got to get to the queen. No, wait. You come back, rabbit. Oh, where's he gone? Luckily, he's left these little pellets of brown and his little

sign. It's a little note he's left. Eat me. Perhaps I'm supposed to eat these little pellets. Yes, that's what I'll do. Oh, so wait. Alice is just eating rabbit shit on the riverbank. Yes, very naughty tasting.

Ooh, something's happening. You're going to honk your guts up if he doesn't eat rabbit shit. Ooh, I have it. Oh, sicker and sicker. Oh, I ate some rabbit shit. Well, she didn't even go to... She didn't get to Wonderland. She just watched a rabbit run past, poo on its grass, and then she ate the poo.

It should be called Alice in A&E for eating rabbit shit. Yeah, well, Paul, if you think about it, that's what would happen in real life. It would. Now, Paul, I don't know why some of these items on this list are a bit silly and obvious. Like King Arthur. I mean, that's mythology. It is and it isn't because King Arthur...

That's like saying Jesus is out of, you know, Jesus is in the public domain. Jesus is in the public domain, strictly speaking. Surely the Bible is in the public domain. Hang on, let's find out. Is the Bible public domain? The text of the King James Bible is in the public domain. However, when you publish your own edition of the Bible with your own layout, commentary, annotations, cross-references, then that work as a whole is your intellectual property and that is copyrighted unless you expressly release it

into the public domain. Yeah, so you can retell it in your own way. So here we go. Cheap Show's The Bible. Let's end on this, Mr. Silverman. Cheap Show presents The Bible. In the beginning, there was the Garden of Eden. Oh, I'm Adam.

And I'm Eve. Hello. Have this apple. Oh, don't. We're not meant to eat the apple. It's lovely. All right. If you want some fudge. If you want fudge tonight.

If I what? If you want to be eating this fudge, you'd be eating this apple. You know what's good for you. Right. If you want to be chowing down on this, on this sweet, sweet Eve ass, you'd be eating an apple. Yeah? This apple. What snake gave me. All right apple! Yeah? This apple what snake gave me! Alright, I'll let-

Eat the apple what the snake gave me! Om nom nom nom nom! I am God, God, God, God! You are naughty, naughty, naughty! Don't eat ass, ass, ass! Don't eat ass, ass, ass! I am God, God, God! Don't eat ass, ass, ass!

You get out, out, out! Of the God, God, God! And the out, out, out! I am God, ass, ass You get out, out, out Of the garden, garden, garden I'm the out, out, out I am God, God, God Don't eat ass, ass, ass Get out my garden, garden, garden Get out my ass, ass, ass Get out my garden

Cut to Noah's Ark Alright everyone, get on the boat You've missed out, you know we've missed out Genesis, haven't we? Turn it on. Turn it off. Turn it on again. There we go. I like, I think in the cheap show mythology,

the creation myth should be God spaffed it out, isn't it? Yeah, in the beginning, there was spaff and it was good. Yeah, and it was goo. There was spaff and it was goo. Yeah. And it was goo. There was Spaff and it was goo. You know what, Paul? What? We're going to lose listeners. What?

Just with the general tone and shambolic nature of this particular episode. We're going to hemorrhage listeners, man. I can feel them. Come back. Or we could do the Cheap Show Bible. That would be even better. So we'll do that. And then the House of Pickles is the Garden of Eden.

And we're Adam and Eve. I don't think we should. I don't think we should. And the sauce trough of life. Oh, yeah. Sauce trough. I've got a sauce bucket now. I'm trying to rationalise my sauce life in here.

You know what? I am now bored. Let's end this before you start talking about sources. Okay, all right then. Thank you for joining us on another episode of Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. We hope you've had fun. Thanks very much for listening, everybody.

If you'd like to support the podcast financially, and if you can and only if you can, you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and donate as little or as much as you like. There are magazines and videos and exclusive bits and bobs and podcasts all there for your pickings. All sorts of stuff. That would be lovely.

Extra podcasts. Yeah, which we still need to get our arse in gay and record soon well we'll do that yeah we'll do that don't worry what else

what else go to the website thecheapshow.co.uk it's your one stop shop for all Cheap Show goodness for instance pictures and videos for this episode

will be on the website also links to the merch shop and the Cheap Show magazine are there Paul yes I'm going to the merchant shop and the uh cheap show magazine paul there yes i'll put i'm going to take a photo of the scary um pop shield um oscar the grouch weird nun ghost and then uh they can put good because there's that there's a darth dearth is that the word there's

a dearth there's a dearth of actual photographs this week isn't there because we haven't there is to be well this would be one there's one photo and it's going to be of my pop shield oscar the grouch t-shirt combo okay but hey if you're listening to this podcast going oh i want to send you something i found in a charity shop or whatnot you can we have a po box it's cheap show po box one two seven one harrow ha33ns but again you go to thecheapshow.co., all the links to everything you want, merch, magazines, videos, P.O. Box, it's all there. And Paul, did you see what is winging its way to the P.O. Box is my own vintage Winky, which I'm so pleased about.

I know, lucky you. I'm so pleased. That's going to complete my collection. I'm going to have my bespoke Winky that actually has my name on it, which I still just think is excellent. And I'm going to be able to put a true vintage Winky, a real Winky, next to it there on my tat shelf. And I wonder, the person didn't mention, did they,

whether it was like mint on card or whether the card was there. But you'd think it would probably be. Probably. Beggars can't be choosers. It'd be nice for you to have a little winky. Yes. As well as a huge cock. Chod Cannon. My Chod Cannon is reloaded.

Is your Chod Cannon reloaded? Is that like the Matrix reloaded? Yes, it's a terrible sequel. It's overlong and full of unnecessary character. Right. So, what else? Yeah, you can email the show about anything you like. Thecheapshow at gmail.com. And finally, on Twitter, at

thecheapshowpod. I'm at PaulGannonShow and Eli is... Eli Snoid. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Excellent work. We're also on Facebook and Instagram and Instagram Tumblr Just look for Cheap Show, you'll find us It's fine

Other than that, yeah, thank you for carrying on Supporting Cheap Show, we love you I love you I feel weird saying that Not about them, but about you You don't love me, that's fine I love them You are incapable of giving love.

So why would I expect love from you? Oh, come on. I got a bit gushy last week, didn't I? At the picnic. You did. What? Yeah, you did. You got a little bit too touchy. All this, oh, Gannon gets all touchy when he's drunk. You, you, mate.

Oh. I'd hate to have, I'd hate to be, come from, oh, I'd hate to fucking mouth. Oh, from, oh, I'd hate to fucking mouth bollocks. Shit. Oh, fuck this. I'm off. Mouth don't work. Mouth don't work.

Your mouth don't work. Your mouth don't work. Shut up. Your fucking mouth don't work. Let's just end this recording now. My bollocks hurt and your mouth don't work.