CheapShow - Ep 191: Hot, Raw & Uncut

Episode Date: August 14, 2020

After weeks of complicated, carefully crafted episodes of CheapShow, Paul wanted something fast and dirty instead for episode 191. Paul demanded that the show be a solid hour, feature no edits and be as raw as possible. He definitely got that. In 60 minutes Paul and Eli cram in a debate about Urinevision, a Sauce Report, a few random characters, a Cheap Eats, a League of Snacks and even a bespoke Price of Shite! Does it work? Should it work? Is it too raw? Well why not find out? If nothing else, it's WAY too hot to be recording an episode of CheapShow, that's for sure! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-191-hot-raw-uncut If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Podbible Interview: https://podbiblemag.com/2020/06/12/a-special-cheapshow-celebration/ MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

I can feel the mic wilting. Is it wilting? That should be fine. Rigid. Yes. Rigid. Rigid. Right, we are recording.

No. We are. I'm not ready. I don't care. Time is money, and it's hot, and... Oh, here we go. I knew this was how you were going to start the show today, Paul. I want to put down my big, fat, wobbly, throbbing agenda on the table, if you don't mind.

And my agenda is it's hot what's the weather what's the weather report do do do do do do do weather report it's 33 degrees mate and we're both sweating

our tits off it is rather clement rather clement Paul but it is time it's time for Cheap Show Cheap Show chunders on. But my agenda is, I don't want to do any editing.

So, what's going to happen is, we're going to run the credits, right? And then after that, we have one hour. We're just going to record for one hour straight. That's it. We've got to cram it all into an hour. This is going to be raw, unedited sex Cheap Show, unless Eli says something racist again,

like he's fucking doing at the moment, which is really upsetting what did I say that was racist I didn't I said nothing probably exactly

he backs down now he backs down he fucking he tries it then he backs down because you don't have a leg to stand on my friend

don't call me racist fucking hell how problematic do you want to get you you're the problem you're the problem you're the problem I put the fan on

fuck this it's too hot do you know but that's what happens when it goes above sort of 33 murder spikes did you know that

oh more happy news from Silverman what do you mean it spikes murder you know like a pandemic can spike

a murder rate can spike as well but why because people get angry when it's hot yes I'm feeling it are you feeling it I am on the edge of my tether I could sort of do a murder

you could do a murder do a little one that would be good we could become a true crime podcast we are our own true crime like Dexter the Dexter of podcasts. Yeah. But real life Dexter. Point Dexter.

Oh, hello. No, he doesn't have a voice. I do a murder. He's silent. Point Dexter is silent. I keep him silent. Right. So, Eli, are you ready?

We're going to run the credits and then I'm going to set it along for an hour. No, we have to talk. I thought we were going to do a preamble about... Well, let's do the credits and then do the preamble and then start the clock. Yeah. All right. Let's do the credits.

Ladies and gentlemen, in this rushed, Paul can't be arsed, week of cheap show... Just keep emphasising that. A month or two of two and a half to three hour long episodes. Yes. I think it's time...

We all deserve a break from us. No, you don't do nothing. So it's about me. Oh, I don't do nothing? Paul Gannon. I'm just a racist who does nothing. Yeah.

Is this how you're going to characterise me? I won't take it, Paul. Ladies and gentlemen, this is this week's tossed off episode of Cheap Show. Roll it.

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. Go J! People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Off-ramp, ramp, ramp, off-ramp, ramp, ramp.

Cheap, cheap, cheap, frat-dots. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep. Cheep Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Start the clock.

Start the clock. It's one hour of Cheap Show starting now. So, we're leaving the windows open, by the way, so if you hear any cars going by or buses going... Oh, God, the noise. The mouth noise has come in. It can't pull. Or a bike. Noise can't, Paul. Or a bike. Noise can't stand in.

As it goes past the mic. Does that minute sound like a bike? That sounds like an angry finch of some sort. The angry finch. Or badger. Badger. Who's got the badger award? It's too hot for this.

Right, no, what we wanted to say paul yeah was we wanted to just have a little reminisce about the epic epic episode last week the urine vision song contest we had such great feedback on that and uh some of the people who were in the competition emailed to say thank you as well um it was really nice the judges themselves uh in emails to me afterwards said we didn't expect much musically and what they got apart from food salad was it was more than they expected uh nick was extremely you know nick helm and brian wecht was surprised um surprised yeah they were surprised they were uh yeah they were surprised yeah it was great and the other thing the only other thing is i've seen people calling for a um

somewhere they can just listen to all of the songs yes so could we do a playlist on Spotify I think we can do that I'm not quite sure we can do a band camp and put it as an album but just give it away for free yeah

or we could turn it into something to make money but then I have to figure out how to split the money between all the artists just they've given theirs for free

they don't want you ask them ask them if we can that's what you need I'm asking them now if you put a song in if you were on the 12th

you'd be alright being on the compilation the official'd be like being on the compilation the official Eurovision don't burp like that it's the fizzy bubbles in the cold cold drink we all know what it is

Paul that's just the process it's good anyway if you're part of one of those acts who gave one of your songs it's like stabbing someone saying it's the sharp sharp knife

it's the knife governor it's a sharp sharp knife it's the knife it tells me and the fan fans going back on here we go oh god right what else

do we want to say so we're going to try with the permission of the creators we'll put some kind of album together for it and Chris

the winner and we could have the Madden Plop Plops and Squishy Jim Triumphs on there it's all going to be in there and we could throw in a few other things

from the previous years Eurovision you know the one we did with Ash and he did that sexy baby disco dance we'll put that on that you played all of

and turned off any new listeners there mate I'll be honest five minutes into his underpants dance fucking hell mate I'll be honest with you the track was about 240

I forgot to just edit two minutes out of it yeah you should have edited the chopping knife the blade of truth should have come and sliced off half of that tune

yeah no but it's it's funny, Eli. When you're editing a three-hour podcast. This is not what the cast is meant to be about. You making the excuse. I'm not making the excuse. And we're running out of time. It's excuse after excuse and blame. Blame, race card calling, you know.

Fucking hell. What other abuses am I going to be submitted to this week 57 minutes left right here we go that's not too bad actually it's not too bad

right so thank you again for your revision it was super fantastic it was super super next month we've got the awards episode and me and Eli

have been talking about it and we are going to do something different there will be music with that the Teen Yeti will be yeah we've got Teen Yeti coming back for that don't you worry

his comebacks and then episode 200 for October so that's something to think about so you know exciting times Music with that, the Teen Yeti will be. Yeah, we've got Teen Yeti coming back for that. Don't you worry. His comeback soon. And then episode 200 for October. So that's something to think about. So, you know, exciting times. It's exciting times. Exciting times. Here at Cheap Show Central. Chicka, chicka, chick.

I'll be tossing off some more Cheap Show episodes between now and then. Paul. Yes. It's a source report. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Source, source, source report. Don't slam the table. Mate, that's the sauce hitting the table.

People want to hear that. No, they don't want to hear the sauce hitting the table. People want to hear every aspect of the sauce. Here is the sauce flapping out. There we go. Nah, what a waste of fucking time. Now, Paul, I have in my hand a sachet. 56 minutes left.

What is that? That says Hellman's tomato ketchup. Now, question. Yes. You're the everyman in the street. Hello, I'm Terry Everyman. You're Terry Everyman. Oh, I'm Terry Everyman.

Oh, fucking hell. I'm Terry Everyman. Ask me a question. Half a minute before you make the wibbly noise with your mouth. I don't know what. Half a minute. You don't know what I'm talking about. You don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what you're talking about.

You want to do it so badly. Just to punish me, you want to do it. Right. Terry. Yes. What are your feelings about Hellmann's as a brand? What do you associate with Hellmann's? I mostly associate them with Hellmann's.

With mayonnaise. Mostly. Mostly. I only trust their mayonnaise. Mostly. I only trust their mayonnaise. You're absolutely right. Our survey says most people... Thank you, Terry. You won't be getting a fee. Well, am I not needed now?

No, you're not. Go run back to Paul Gannon and his mouth noise leak. So, basically, Hellman's is the king king are the kings of mayo they're the kings of mayonnaise and then recently i've been noticing that heinz has been trying to muscle in on the lucrative mayonnaise market because it is the you know can you please put the quotation marks around the word lucrative please why because no one ever talks about marks around the word lucrative, please? Why? Because no one ever talks about how mayonnaise industry is lucrative business.

Are you telling me you do not think mayonnaise is a lucrative game? Mate, how much mayonnaise? You could walk down the street, you see mayonnaise everywhere. Every shop, be it a large supermarket or a small corner convenience store, will have the mayo.'s there mate and i've noticed basically heinz has a mayo and they're trying to trying to say ours is just as good and just as ubiquitous as helmand's and i've tasted it it's not as good as helmand's strangely enough helmand's has obviously What the fuck is this podcast

It's a source report mate Source report I'm talking about sources This show used to mean something It means this is important Go on Hellman's have now I think in a counter strike Are trying to

Are trying to out ketchup Hind So they've come up with their own tomato ketchup. It is the inherent problem with this. The flavour of Heinz ketchup is so synonymous with our memory of ketchup full stop that anyone who brings something else out is ultimately competing with our flavour nostalgia.

Correct? As well as a very extremely excellent product. Right. As well. I agree. It's like Virgin Cola when they brought that out. It's better than Coke. Might be,

but Coke's had a hundred years on top of you. Yes, but that's exactly what Heinz have tried to do with Hellmann's because this is

what I'm saying. Hellmann's mayonnaise has the same status within the world of mayonnaise. What else do Hellmann's do then outside of mayo? What's the other big IP?

They do all the sauces, bro. Do they? All of them, including ketchup now. And it's interesting because they've tried to, they All of them, including ketchup now. And it's interesting because they've tried to, they haven't tried to do it.

Stop saying it's interesting. This is not an interesting segment. They haven't tried to do a Heinz clone. They've gone for a rougher. Now, I've got you, Sashay, here.

A rougher? Rougher? No, it's a rougher texture and a more sort of deep tomato-y-ness. So on a hot day like today, you just want me to suck ketchup from a tube?

All right, we'll share one. We'll share one, okay? No. No. Fucking don't. I don't want to do this show. You have to taste some of this almonds, mate. I've got a plastic spoon.

Please put your almonds ketchup on my spoon tip. It doesn't roll off the tongue, almonds ketchup, does it? No. Right, but I was interested because... Stop saying interested or interesting. Because it's got a different texture. And I don't know. They're playing with the big boys.

I've had this with a fry up and it's been very... I want a tiny bit, not as much as you put on. That's it. Okay. Oh, God. Right. Oh, it's the sauce report. What's the huff saying?

It smells like... Actually, it smells like cheap ketchup. It smells like the ketchup you get in roadside, you know, motorway service stations. It's that cheap. It's that cheap vinegary sort of... Sweet vinegary. Okay. Like a daddy's.

Yeah, the huff is very... Here we go. Oh, God, a hot doughy ketchup. Oh, it's much more... Like... It's just because it's a hot day. I don't want to eat it. Don't put it on the table.

Eat it. Finish your mess. I'm not finishing that. Finish your mess. It's not as good as Heinz, is it? No. It's fine, but it tastes cheap. It does.

It tastes cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Well, it's on brand then. It's on brand, I suppose. But cheap in a bad way. It hasn't got the amplitude uh that heinz does does it i mean put it one way if you're in a service station or a little chef that would be fine it's fine and it's not like really i bet that's better than daddy's do you know maybe we

just got better mouth haven't we done this haven't we done ketchup but we didn't do helman's ketchup that's why it's an update we didn't do daddy's either yes we did did we do daddy's came bottom of the thing for everything we did daddies and daddies got done daddy got done down and dirty daddy got done down and dirty

when we did it on the show I'm dick daddy here we go dick daddy I'm the big dick daddy big dick daddy who's big dick daddy I want that voice

come on that's a character don't waste it no big dick daddy he's gotta come to town we're not doing any diversions how many minutes have we got I want that voice. Come on, that's a character. Don't waste it. No, no. Big Dick Daddy. Paul, stop. He's got to come to town. We're not doing any diversions.

How many minutes have we got? We have got, oh, we're coming up to 50 minutes. We're at nine and a half minutes in. So, Paul, just to sum up. 50 minutes and a half out. Do you think Hellmann's are going to be successful with their new push on tomato ketchup in overtaking Heinz, who dominate the market? Eli, I don't care. Well, I think, ooh.

Now, put the ketchup out of the care. I think it's quite a good source there. Out. Right, good. That's the source report done. Back to subsidiary show. Stop touching the microphone. Don't stop touching anything. Now get rid of the ketchup and I'll tell the ladies what we're doing next.

Source report on the clock. This is unedited raw cheap show. That's the end of source report. Thanks, everybody. Right. Oh, dear. Interesting. Unedited, raw.

We're in the scene. Woo! 50 minutes left. Let's crack on to the next. It's going to be exactly the same as your intention. I will rip your prick off if you keep interrupting me. With your mouth? You can't even fucking...

No, no. I'm going to pull it like I'm opening a door angrily. We're pulling pricks off now, are we? Pull it off. You've got nothing, mate. You've got no speaking. I'll pull it out like Farmer Giles grabs a carrot. That's what I'll be doing, mate.

Fantastic, Paul. Now, come on. Now, stop interrupting me or I'll rip your prick off. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, come on. Hot day. 49 minutes left. Right, here we go

we're going to do oh we haven't done it in a while it's time for the league of snacks and crisps or something I don't know let's crack on

snicks snicks and crisps we need paper for this we haven't thought of that no we don't I don't care yes we fucking do I will not no

I have lost it I tell you what right now I will not do the league half the league this is what's led to the trouble in the league. Open phone docs. Open it up.

I want to see it. And we'll put the headings in now where we explain what the league is. Yes, we can do that. Now, you crack on with what we're doing this week for the league because it's a bit of a Snick Snack Criss Crap Fantastico. Good gracious. Okay, so.

All right, go on. Dear listener so Dear listener If you're new to the tube show Welcome thanks for joining us Don't fucking I'm doing a bit You shut up So hot I've opened my shirt do you think I'm sexy

No I'm getting wolfman vibes from you, man. I am Wolfman. I am Gannon the Hairy Wolfman. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised. The sexy lethenthrope. Quite lupine. The lycanthrope who wants you down his throat.

Not lupine. Is it lupine? That's a rabbit. No, that's what you put in the toilet to clean it out. Lupine. That was good. I like that. What are the categories?

What are we doing? Right. The League of Snacks and Crisps is our scientific... And all crisps. And nuts is included as well. Which is snacks. Thank you. Subdivision of snacks.

There's just snacks. But there's no overlap between nuts and crisps. Oh, they are both in the snacks division. We should have just called it League of Snacks. Well, it's called the League of Snacks and Crisps. And what it is, is our attempt to objectively, scientifically and rationally categorise Christmas snacks.

We have five metrics by which we'll calibrate the crisps today. Those metrics are, and you'll be writing them down. I am. One. Flavour. Flavour. How flavour it is. today yeah those metrics are and you'll be writing them down i am one one flavor flavor how flavor it what it is how flavor it is just in terms of just how good the flavor is yeah just how it strikes us

yes number two on our criterion list for the league yes texture texture it's a very important thing with crisps and some would say for snacks in general. It is. But how important would you say texture is for snacks in general, Paul? Very, because without texture, what is crisp? It's just potato water.

It's just potato mash. Yeah, exactly. And that, well, that has a texture. That's a good idea, isn't it? Crisp mash. You get crisp and you mash it up. What with? Oh, isn't that what...

Brick. That's what Lee... That's what Saddam is saying, apparently, like Doritos with water on them. Did he? Yeah. So like a soup? Deranged, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, that's the thing that counts him as deranged. No, it really... Anyway. I don't know all about that death and stuff he did, but all he did in Half-Life is Doritos and a bowl of water. What a creepy cretin. I'm saying if you didn't know, if Saddam moved in next door,

and you thought, oh, he seems okay, whatever. But then you went round and he was pouring a glass of water into his Doritos. You'd think something was up. You might find out he was a mass murderer. Might. That's all I'm saying. Because you'd think he did. Anyway, what was I saying?

Flavour, texture. Next. Value for money. Value for money. It is cheap show after all and we have to talk about the financial implications of these snacks and crisps yes like quantity of snack to price do you get more or less for the value and we talk about old stuff old dog poo here a little bit of that power hoppers what they call dealy bugs dealy boppers frisbees. Yeah. Slinkies. Dildos. Oh, dildo.

They weren't childhood toys. Mankey dildo. All the rubber's gone. Madam Mankey's dildos. All right, now. So value for money. Yeah, I've got that down. Nostalgia.

Nostalgia, very important. That's what we were on. And also the... New element. Not new. We've had it. It's always been there. It's what we were on. And also, the... New element. Not new. We've had it. It's always been there. It's been lurking. But we did realise from watching a Biffo video that we'd been missing one.

I thought we were going to pretend that we'd come up with a new one. No, we can't do that no more, mate. Accuracy is the new metric, which is very important, especially with crisps. And sometimes it doesn't apply. Sometimes it doesn't apply. But if you say cheese and onion, we want to know if it is cheese and onion indeed, or smoky beef with black pudding and egg. But how are we going to calibrate

if it's a snack that doesn't have any flavour, it can be accurate too? How are we going to... Well, then we'll say... You need one of your tricks you did with your Envision, where they somehow get some points in lieu of not having any accuracy. I reckon you can tie it in with flavour.

So if the flavour's good, we can give it an average of three. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Fine. Just as long as we need to be thinking about these problems.

We do. Especially as we're doing this episode in real time. So what's this week's... Now, we're going to have a league, and then we're going to have a quick taste afterwards, if we have time, Paul, because I've got two other interesting crisp items. We've done those.

We have not done... We've done tackies. We have not done extra hot've done tackies. We have not done extra hot tackies, though. Fucking... Haven't we got all those crisps over there that I spent four quid on?

Oh, yeah, no, we have to do those. So, yeah, forget them. Let's just get these Tato's out the way. Get the Tato's in the league and then just so everyone knows, the other crisps we'll be tasting

won't be in the league. A whistle-stop tour of these crisps. Now, perhaps you'd like to do an intro about Tato and why you think it should be included in the league because it has a... It's backstory.

A long time ago, I used to do a podcast with a comedian called Paul McCaffrey, and it was called Desert Island Crisps, and now there have been six other podcasts called the same thing, and everyone's fighting about the use of that name, and I don't see the point. Get over it.

So, anyway, in that, one of the most prevailing topics that came up from all the stand ups We spoke to Was like It was Pickled onion monster munch Was a popular amongst Comedians on the road

And the second one Was always Tater Tater brand crisps From Ireland They were the ones That they raved about Every time they went on tour

To Ireland Tater crisps Were the buggers I'm pointing at A letter at the end Of that word For the name of the crisps Oh

You've been calling them Tato What did I say Tater. You've been calling them... Tato. What did I say? Tata. Well, I got it wrong. It's Tato. Okay. Just wanted to say...

Also, did you know Tato had a theme park? Wicked. In Ireland, where you could ride Chris-based theme... Crap. Didn't McDonald's at one point have a theme park? I don't know. Maybe. They used to have themed restaurants with swings and slides and stuff, but I don't know.

They did. Anyway, crack on. You're going to cough, are you? No, I've got... What's wrong with you? What are you doing? It's fizzy water. Oh, really fizzy water.

I'm drinking some. Now, Tato, I think it's safe to say the most famous Irish crisp brand. Yeah, I can't think of too many competitors. Now, and they are very strangely strangely, are famous for one flavour. Which is? Cheese and onion. Cheese and onion. But Paul,

do other flavours of Taito exist? I think there's plain and stuff like that. And salt and vinegar. But they just, whenever anyone talks about them or anything, it's always the cheese and onion.

Cheese and onion, yeah. And we have two. A very kind listener sent these in for us. Yeah, and there was a note that came with it that I don't think you've got with you right now, do you? But basically the gist of it is that

these are two different types of Tato cheese and onion. Well, I don't understand. It's the same company, but one is the one they sell internationally and one is the one they sell regionally. And the person who sent them in did say that people can claim to be able to tell the difference, don't they?

That's interesting. Like Guinness. When they say about Guinness, made an island against where it's made and i don't know maybe it's bullshit but we'll be tasting both packs uh to compare them as well as to just give an overall set deep in ulster's countryside so that's the export that's the export one right where tato castle have been making some of the world's best loved crisps and snacks since 1956 using Using the best local ingredients, Mr. Tater selects the finest,

specially grown spuds, gently cooking them until crisp and golden. Finally, in a special part of Tater Castle, our crisps are then given their unique secret flavour, jism. Don't laugh at your own joke. Insuring you get irresistible crisps every time. Secret flavour room. Yeah Yeah there's Mr Tato

Knocking his beans All over the crisp patch It's like So I think That's a smaller pack It's a different ratio It's a squatter pack Isn't it

Pictures on the website And do we think That this squatter one That you just read the back out Is I would say It might be the international one Because it's got more

You know International flavour Did you know This packet of crisps That I would say it might be the international one because it's got more international flavour. Did you know this packet, Chris, that I've got, which we think is the home version, the native version, has an advert for Taito Park on the back. Yeah, the theme park I was telling you about. It says it's Ireland's only theme park and zoo.

Yeah, probably. Weird. Yeah, there might be other theme parks. It's got one of those things where you all spin around at the top of something. Yeah. And it looks like a lock flume. Yeah, it's all the fun of the fair, isn't it? Okay.

So you open these. I'll open the international, and you open in the... Okay, we've got to get a half. Try and get a corner off. I'm going to do the exact same method Eli does, the micro-huff from the corner bite. It's not going to work with these. Right. I've got it.

Here we go. Oh. Oh, are they in 28th... Ohth of May these are a year out of date I'm gonna have to read them what you all say mine says my report say stale my report says staley monkey bad bad Actually I'm feeling really nauseous I don't know Calm down I don't think they're that bad They're just going to be out of date I'm going to have this little one

I don't know why it's setting me off Just don't think about it Here we go We've got a taste of crisps We're running out of time I'll just taste them Don't think about it. Here we go. We've got a taste of crisps from running out of time. Three, two, one, here we go. I'll just taste them. It's fine.

I'll just taste them. It's fine. It's fine. I'll taste one of those ones. Water, water. The water. Those are export ones. Yeah. What's the difference? Are they all right? I don't know why that set me off they weren't that bad i think mentally i was trying to get over the stale idea right those

export ones to me seem to have quite a low sort of amount of flavor on them talk to the mic please so i can hear you those export ones for me have a sort of low low amount of the flavor on them do you know what i mean they're quite plain with a low but i have a feeling of low amount of the flavour on them. Do you know what I mean? They're quite plain with a low... But I have a feeling that these home ones... Right, you're sniffing the home ones. Did they taste stale to you, that one, then? They're not that stale. No, I didn't think so.

I don't know what set me off. I apologise for overreacting, but my brain went, no, that's the heat, mate. It's fine, Paul. They are out of date. Right, I'm going to taste these. I'm going to put the fan back on. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Oh, God, I just did a verb. What's wrong? Are they nice? They're nicer. The Irish ones are nicer. They've got much more stringent, strong cheese flavour. Okay.

Much. Taste one of those. No, I can't. I can't. For some reason, I can't. I've got all these other crisps We've got to taste some I'm just realising

That it's maybe not a great idea Just eat sauce And crisps On a hot day So let's just I told you this was going to happen Mate And you're like

No we're doing one hour We said this The same reason we didn't do A noodle section this week I've got to score these crisps Let's do it It's a fucking undertaking Flavour

Now you're going to give them Two scores each. Flavour. Are you going to give them two scores each? One score each? No. You're going to judge them together? Or you're not going to judge the international,

you're going to judge the homegrown? They're not as good, the international. Alright, okay. So let's just put these. We'll say, whatever you do for that one,

we'll do one less for these. Yeah. Yeah? Right, go. So what's the flavour for the tater? Only on flavour. Right, okay.

Those just get exactly the same as these. Well, the texture's going to be slightly mild as a result because it's a bit stale, isn't it? The texture's exactly the same, Paul. All right, well, come on then. Give us your... These just don't have as much flavour. Give us... We're on the clock.

Get on the clock. Give us your flavour now. Out of... How much is it? Five? It's a very good flavour. Was it out of five? No.

Was it ten? Yes. Right, out of ten. We haven't done this in It's a very good flavour. Was it out of five? No. Was it ten? Yes. Right, out of ten. You haven't done this in a while. I give it 8.5 for flavour. 8.5 for flavour. Excellent. Now, what do you want to give it for texture, mate?

Very good. Very good. It's a nice thicker, it's a thicker crunch, isn't it? It's just good. It's, I mean, it is thicker, yes, than a Walker's, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get more bite. It's very thin, just a it is thicker, yes, than a Walker's, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get more bite. But still thin.

Just a very traditional sort of thin potato chip. It's not abusively thick like a kettle chip can be. No. It's just... It's kind of in between. Yeah. It's a very good texture, actually. All right.

I'm going to say nine. Very good. Value for money. Now, this is what we don't know because these were given to us in the PO box. I think they're pretty good. Yeah? They've got to be the same as... So let's just say seven. Seven. Seven and a half. Seven. I think they're pretty good. Yeah? They've got to be the same as... So let's just say seven.

Seven. Seven and a half. Seven. I think that's about the average. 7.5. Seven. Nostalgia. 7.5.

Now, this is an interesting one because I think in many respects this gets a high score because it's almost talked about in mythical terms, isn't it? It's like, oh, when you go over to Ireland, you've got to be aware

of the Tato brand crisps. Oh, they are sold in small little hovels and inns up and down that separate aisle. But they do seem very widespread and you can get them in shops in London

for years. But yes. But the myth of it almost is a thing. They have got a quite mythic reputation and for that reason, Paul.

Yes, it scores highly, but how high, Mr Silverman? I think 8.5. Oof. Eight. Right, so... Really? Only eight? Yep.

I'm going to knock it down a bit because you get carried away with your.5s. And accuracy. Cheese and onion. Well, the.5s, Paul, give more nuance to the calibration system, don't they? Mate.

And it means that we can distinguish between fucking crisps better. Nah, everyone's a... Otherwise, it all just going to be... Everyone's a winner on Cheap Show. Oh, fuck's sake! Everyone's a winner. These are corporations.

They don't give a shit about this podcast. They should. And you trying to say they're Christopher Allwright. Bobby Snacks was on the phone the other day to me. You haven't talked about Bobby Snacks. Why? Why haven't you done that? Really?

Yeah. Shall we do a Bobby special? Yeah, we do a Bobby special. And they said, oh, you should do it. We can send round sex slaves if you want some. And you can have them. Sex slaves. Sex slaves. And I'm the problematic one. Bobby Snacks sex slaves. Yes. Bobby round sex slaves if you want some. And you can have them. Sex slaves. Sex slaves.

And I'm the problematic one. Bobby's snack sex slaves. Bobby's sex slaves. They're going to love this. Oh, yeah. What if they did as well when we stumbled across a conspiracy? Bobby's dealt in snacks for kids and sex slaves for adults. Dig.

I'm passing you a metaphorical digger. Accuracy, Mr. Silverman. What do you want to say? Now, interesting, what do you think? You should try one of the real ones. All right, I'll try one of the real ones. Is that or is that not stronger, like a richer flavour? It's a better flavour.

Yeah. It's got a nice kind of... It's got an oniony kind of aftertaste, but the cheese is underneath there very subtly. It's a nice flavour, but I don't know how accurate that is. Well tastes of a tato it doesn't taste of cheese and onion does it do you know i mean i would say maybe an eight for it i think we should go down at least 0.5 from there all right 7.5 thank you all right so i'm gonna add it all up here we go 8.5 plus 9 is 17.5. Yes. 17.5 plus 7 equals 24.5.

24.5 plus 8 is 32.5. 32.5 plus 7.5 makes that 40. 40 on the nose. High scoring. 40 is a very good score. Very good score. I think they're good, aren't they? I mean, I'd eat those. 40 is a very good score. Very good score. Out of 50. I think they're good, aren't they?

I mean, I'd eat those till the cows come home. Yeah. That's good. Or sheep. Or sheep. Or any animal coming home. Any animal can come home. What time do cows come home?

What time do butterflies reach their destination? Flutter o'clock. Okay, Google. What the fuck? Keep talking. I'm going to ask Google. Hang on, here we go.

Google, what time do the cows come home? That'll be some wise-ass shit. Hang on, let's find out. Cows come home in the evening by 6pm maximum. Otherwise, they stay out the whole night to party on Indian streets. Hang on, what's this from? I don't know, maybe that's some kind of... They're sacred cows in India.

Oh, they're sacred cows. Oh, that makes sense. They get to party. That's not what I asked. That was a special, very specific cow that it brought up, which I thought was weird. Yes. I told you it'd give you some shit answer.

Genuinely, when do cows come home? Let's find out. Genu... Oh, no. It's probably a phrase that you've heard before. The phrase is usually used to mean a long time or to refer being really late. Oh, God.

Bollocks. I'm sorry I said it. Right, good. That's Taito's. Now, the next crisps. These next crisps are a new selection from the undisputed king of crisps in Britain and across the world, Lay's, Walker's in the UK. And they're always doing this.

About twice a year, they have a whole new suite of flavours, won't they, Paul? They like to show off, don't they? They add squirrel flavour or whatever, the nation things. They do it all the time, don't they? They just try and go, they invent. And then they see if any of these are sort of really popular and then they'll keep them.

It goes back to that marketing campaign. I can't remember who it was, though. They got some famous guy to come in and say, why aren't our sauces selling better? And he goes, goes well there's nothing wrong with your source but to basically sell more make more types of sauce different types rather than to be the best at one source be better at a load differentiate that's why all of a sudden you got like ragu with mushrooms and in ragu with garlic in and ragu with herb and going back to the source report i think that's what behind the pressure between the helmans and Heinz to both be kings

of ketchup and mayonnaise. And no matter who wins, we lose, ladies and gentlemen. No, we win. Do we? We get Heinz and ketchup.

What if Hellmans lose but we nationally as a country think they're shit but for some reason they buy out Heinz and then replace the formula.

It could happen, couldn't it? So it's like the Disney. Disney. It could be the Disney of snacks. It could be. The Disney of sauces.

They're buying up all the sauce and replacing it with their inferior shit. Well, I think they might be. Well, there we go. Shocking. Walkers. What's the new thing called

with Walkers? Taste, flavour, sensation? No, it's weird. I think there's a hint. Taste icons. That's what it's called. So basically, during lockdown,

people haven't been able to go to restaurants. And I think this idea of these flavours came out of the whole kind of let's support UK restaurants by making crisps based on their recognisable brands. So today we're going to be

tasting Walkers. Mate! Fucking hell! Every time I start a sentence with some actual facts in you decide to chip in with whatever fucking boring nonsense, twittering, ramblingambling farting babbling murderous

just go carry on it's fine murder spike I'm just trying to say I was just trying to say they're probably owned all these brands by this company

that owns walkers I don't think that's true I think they just went into deals I don't think that's true that's all I wanted to say he didn't need to try what a waste of time I could have moved on

we could have been tasting him by now we're never going to do this in an hour. Never. Well, we're going to find out, aren't we? Because we are now 9, 20, well, we're basically 30 minutes in. 30 seconds away from 30 minutes in. Just give it. Bloop.

Bloop. Give me the bloop. Just say what you're going to fucking say and let's taste these fucking crisps. I spat crisp all over my mic. Right, so we have got four flavours today from this icon range based on restaurants in the uk we've got pizza express and that is margarita flavor pizza crisps we've got nando's which is a chicken for people outside the uk you might not know what nando's is nando's is a chicken restaurant basically isn't it spicy hot sauce chicken and they've brought out walker's five

pack well this is a five pack nando'sando's peri-peri chicken-flavoured crisp. They spatchcock them, Paul. That's how they do it. Great. Spatchcock. We've got Yo Sushi, and they've brought out a katsu curry-flavoured crisp. Yo don't even exist in this country anymore, do they? I don't know. They've gone bust or something. Well, then why would they have this, then? I'm sure there's a few Yo's. Yo's were so overpriced.

Maybe they just overexpanded and then had to shrink their market back down again. I don't know. I go to my own conveyor belt place, which is Kulu Kulu. All right. Much cheaper. And finally, gourmet burger kitchen with the classic cheeseburger crisps. Now, Eli and I already had some of these last night, didn't we, mate? But we're going to go through them again to give you what you need to know about these crisps.

The cheap show seal of approval no you're not they're not getting my seal of approval right so i'll open the nandos and you open the uh margarita pizza express i'm gonna do a huff here we go huff it see there's not much of a strong smell off this and it doesn't smell like the flavor you think it's going to be but you can smell the chicken in it they're very similar to roast chicken flavour, which is a good flavour for more customers. And as we discussed last night,

as we'll probably find out in a minute, they do have a tomatoey, herby aftertaste. And a bit of heat. A tiny bit of heat. Now, I've just huffed the margarita pizza, which are Pizza Express, which is a pizza chain for those outside the UK. Outside.

Pizza Depressed, I call it now. It's kind of... Yeah, on its arse. Past its best, isn't it? Yeah. As a thing. Dough balls, that's what they do. Are all these companies on their arse?

I'm just wondering. Two of them are. It's Britain. Everything's on its arse. Arse. Poor. Everything's up its arse. This margarita pizza, very much a sort of oregano.

Yeah, tomatoey. Very tomatoey. The smell's very reminiscent of a real favourite of mine, Paul. Walker's tomato ketchup flavour. I don't keep circling back round to it. It always comes back to it, but it's true. They're a great crisp. There's also a little bit of a

Bolognese flavour to it, I thought. Anyway, let's give these another little taste now Here we go They're nice Bit too tomatoey I think the pizza one Swap over Yeah no I would agree You don't really get the cheese and the margarita You just get the sort of herby tomato flavour

Which is no bad thing It's alright It's reminiscent put it that way of a Pizza Express margarita pizza. It is, yeah. It is. It'll get a quite high accuracy, but it's just that I think it's to do with the process. Yeah. Because on a good real pizza, you'll get fresh herbs.

You'll get fresh basil or fresh oregano. But they're going to have to use dried oregano for crisping stuff, of course, because they're mass producing themcing them. And I think that the dried herbs have a certain different quality to them, and that's what you get in a crisp. Do you know what I'm trying to get at? I understand. I get you, mate. I'm on your side. Okay, I'm just going to eat one of the Nando Nando ones.

Not Nando Nando, the Peri Peri. Sorry. Nando Nando Nando. Oh, Peri Peri. That's nice, though. They're really nice. They're a really nice crisp, I think. They've got quite a lot of sweetness to them. Out of the brands so far, these two, the peri-peri, are my favourite. Easily. I don't know if it gives me the Nando's experience.

They're sweet. They're quite sweet, those. But they are sweet. Right. So now we're going to... They're spicy, but basically it's like a chicken... It's like a chilli-dusted roast chicken flavour crisp. Yes.

Yeah. Which is fine. It's certainly flavourfulful It's a nice snack I'm happy with that There's lemon in there as well I'm getting Good work mate Stop, don't start What?

Don't I'm giving you the old slap on the thigh Co-hosty, well done Stop touching, no touchy Covid! Don't you call me that Come on What do you want to do next?

Do you want to do the cheeseburger or do you want to do katsu? Katsu You don't want call me that come on what do you want to do next do you want to do the cheeseburger or do you want to do katsu katsu you don't want to have the cheeseburger whatever you Paul I simply picked cheeseburger

we'll open one pack you're in charge of Huff because he is the king of Huff now cheeseburger as a flavour I don't believe in can I call you Emperor Huff can I

I want to call you Emperor Huff for this you can sure fine ladies and gentlemen opening the pack is Emperor Huff. Can I... I want to call you Emperor Huff for this. You can, sure. Fine. Ladies and gentlemen, opening the pack is Emperor Huff. All hail Emperor Huff. Thank you.

Thanks, everybody. Now, Paul. So, no voice? No character? Do you just foist this on me? Emperor Huff? I'll foist you.

I'll fucking hoist you up on a leg splitter. Here comes a leg splitter. Murderer! Yes. Yes. Right. And the wooden pyramid up your bum bum. Emperor Hoof, would you like to open the bag?

I just wanted to make one comment about cheeseburger as a flavour comment. Yes. Concept. Yeah. What does a cheeseburger taste of? It's not one thing. No, it's right. So what I'm expecting is some kind of, this is going to sound weird. Lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mayonnaise. It's the one thing. No, it's right. So what I'm expecting is some kind of this is going to sound weird

but lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mayonnaise, It's the meat, isn't it? Meat, cheese, bread. So there might be a cheesy, beefy flavour. Now remember we had that chicken and

what was it? The Japanese snack. It was chicken and ham or chicken and meat and it did kind of work for both. But they're geniuses with their flavour.

I don't know what they do but they do it well. I'm going to go for the huff. I deign to Huff this. They're umami snacks, but they nail it. They're juicy snacks. They nail it. They nail it.

Yeah. They nail it. Right, he's doing it. The Huff has begun. He's giving it a deep. His eyes are closed. He's focused on the Huff. It's got that scratch and sniff gherkin flavour.

Oh, really? Yeah. They've gone for the gherkin, and they've gone for, like, a burger sauce. When did we last have that gherkin-y Oh, really? They've gone for the gherkin and they've gone for like a burger sauce. When did we last have that gherkin-y flavour? This has got it, maybe. But what was the other snack we had that had that gherkin thing? Artificial gherkin half in my nosy nostrils. Yeah.

That's the first thing that came off me. It's like, yeah, they've gone for the... There you go. You have a little... What was the snack we had that was hamburger flavour that had gherkin flavour to it? Remember that? Was it a few months ago?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you can smell the gherkin. It's like a... But, yeah. I think that's a good way to go with crisps because, you know... I guess that is the prevailing kind of scent of a burger is that gherkin-y, ketchup-y thing.

This illustrates the problem about making something hamburger flavored because a hamburger in itself is an amalgam food it's not one flavor which is part of why it's delicious eat it what do you think of that huh it's not accurate oh very sweet it is sweet but it does have that Burger bite feel Of the meat And the gherkin Weird It's got a kind of grease A kind of burger grease Burnt sort of weird That's weirdly accurate

Isn't it Do you know what I'm getting at Yeah It's that kind of That kind of That is strange It tastes like Barbecue beef burger

Yeah It's that Burger king That griddled flavour Griddled yeah It's the griddled flavour It's the griddled flavour. It's the griddled flavour. I've never seen that before in one of these.

No. That is quite impressive. Do you know what I mean about the griddle burn flavour in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, on to our last section. That is quite an impressive crisp. Yo Sushi Katsu Curry, Emperor Huff. It is time for you to take your huff.

Now, you see, come on. I will have this. Yo is definitely on his arse. Yeah. And what was that? We presume. Who's the brand for the burger one? Gourmet Burger Kitchen.

They are all on their arse. Are they? I've been reading about how Gourmet Burger Kitchen's going down for two years, Paul. Is it? Yeah, they are all on their arse. So what's the other one then? Nando's. Nando's is doing well, isn't it?

Nando's is the only one I can imagine that is doing well. Interesting. But all the others are literally on their arse. We had the whole thing with Pizza Express this year, trying to only barely survive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was before COVID, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, there you go. Yo, definitely is. They used to have a like a... They used to have loads of... They used to have that place in Clerkenwell, which was their sort of sushi school. Do you remember that?

Yeah. That's gone. The bubble just burst on it, I imagine. Yeah. You know, because all the things came in. It was way overpriced. I think, you know what I think it is? You get two blue plates,

and you're like 50 quid, you know. I think it's shit like Five Joes or whatever it's called. Five Guys Called Joe. Those kind of things. Five Joes. Come on. Give us a hoof. We're 38 minutes into the episode.

I just want to say though Paul Yeah See with Katsu Curry That is one flavour So it's like It makes more sense Wagamamas do Katsu Curry Why didn't they go With Wagamamas as a brand

You know what I mean They could have As a sort of flavour of a thing It makes more sense Because it either Tastes of that It's too hot It either tastes of that thing

Or it doesn't With a burger It's all these different ways You could go There's a lot of different ways you could go with a cheeseburger flavoured crisp that's what I'm saying

I think the flavour that most of them go with is the one we taste it oh very strong katsu it's very it's more licoricey

than a chip shop curry slightly more but on that very much on that wavelength oh you know what I mean I like it

very much on that wavelength I love there You know what I mean? I like it. Very much on that wavelength. I love, there's a very comforting feeling to the katsu. It's a comforting flavour and smell. Oh, that's great, yeah. Yeah.

Here we go. I've never had a katsu curry, Chris, but don't think I have. Neither have I. Mmm. Mmm. Very, that's nice.

It's subtle. Yeah. I wanted a bit more flavour from it. Did you? To me, that tastes almost exactly like those Bobby's limited edition chip shop curry things.

Oh, they were gorgeous. But isn't it very, it's very similar, don't you think? Similar, but they had the benefit of a better texture

to go with the flavour. It was a lighter texture. Wasn't it like a fluffy kind of, More airy, they delivered it better, didn't it? Yeah. But that's still,

great snack. Do you think? I don't know if I could... They're nice. Yeah. Right. We've done those. They're done.

That's the last one. What's your favourite one from the four? I might go with Nando's. I think Nando's. In terms of actual session, what are you going to have a session on? Yeah. It would be the Nando's.

You're going to bash the Nando's yeah you're going to bash that cock we're not going to say cheeky Nando's because we're doing it not to be cheeky we're doing it

because we're fucking hungry yeah and I don't I don't feel guilty about buying food going to Nando's for fuck's sake let's have a cheeky

what else would you say that it wouldn't be cheeky let's have a cheeky fucking I don't know trip to Tesco you know what I mean I'm going to have a cheeky Tesco oh I'm going to have a cheeky cheek, I don't know, trip to Tesco. You know what I mean? I'm going to have a cheeky Tesco. Oh, I'm going to have a cheeky sustenance that keeps me going and alive.

Oh, I'm going to have a cheeky wang. Oh, yeah, here we go. Hey! Hey, come on. Price of Shaito, baby. Price of Shaito. Are you going to agree with me? No, I said first.

I actually said first that the Nando's would be the one I pick. Yeah, so I agree with you, all right? Although I'm meant to be the Emperor of the Huff. You're Emperor of Huff, but I don't have any jurisdiction here. You're the stooge of the league.

I am the stooge. I am the court jester of the league. Ha ha ha! Paul. I throw crisps at the king. Paul, permission to... Yes, he's...

Yeah. I just deadpanned that for your amusement. You did. I liked it. It was a good reaction. Paul. Yeah. Permission to throw Yes, he's... I just deadpanned that for your amusement. You did. I liked it. It was a good reaction. Paul. Yeah.

Permission to throw something onto the table. Quietly. So, we were sent a very, very, very big box of things from... I believe it was Cal. And Cal sent way too much stuff. Cal, I haven't got the note with me now because for boring reasons, I'm travelling out of a suitcase for two weeks. Life is funny.

Right, so I don't have the note with me but we do have what we need to do. A price of shite because he gave us a big box of all sorts that we'll get into in later shows but he also gave us two boxes each. A Ganon crate and an Eli crate and in the Eli crate was a bunch of stuff for Eli as well as a price of shite.

So, Mr. Silverman. Paul, we need a pen for this. I got me phone. All right. You're going to take down both of our guesses? I will take down both of our guesses. So, he's done this beautifully. He's got a little envelope here.

It's sealed. You can see that this is sealed, Paul. I haven't been messing with this. You can see that. I can see it. And it says price of shite, and it's got a list of the items and the little clue, which is the, you know, it's a tradition in the Price of Shite. Yeah.

It is basically, you know, the maximum amount spent just to keep us within some, you know, rational. Some ballpark figure. Ballpark rational limit. Limit. Liminal space. I'm losing it. I am losing it. I'm losing it.

I'm losing it. I'm losing it because right now all I can feel is the small curtain of sweat that covers my face. It starts just above my eyebrow and then goes right down to my ears. Yeah, all drippy, drippy. Now, it is Price is Shy, and it's a version that we've been playing a lot because of you, the listener, recently, because it is a bespoke Price is Shy poll that has been sent to us. It's complete in its box.

It's boxed. Like a little, it's here, we're ready to do it, and I've got the envelope there, and that, I suppose, those are the answers in there. I suppose so too. Now, there is other stuff in here as well, but... Shall I read the letter? Oh, no, these are the... He also sent crates. Yeah.

What's in my crate? Yeah. Wow. There's loads of little bits. Let's just pick, what are the ones we got? Let me just pick out what actually is the price of shite. Hang on. Bear with me. La, la, la. Entertain them. We got that, that. Okay. That. You know what? I was out the one we got let me just pick out what actually is the price of hang on bear with me entertain them we got that that okay that you know what i was out the other day i saw a plant and i said you can't i saw a plant you fucking lying prick who's doing this bit paul you're meant to be getting the things out right saw this plant said oh geranium he said no but i have been on holiday there. I don't get that.

The only reason that's amusing is because you found it so. That is not a real joke. Oh, some interesting items here, Paul. What we thought we'd do is, I've got the full route that we need for the Price of Shite, but I've picked out two items that I think Eli should talk about, because there's a bunch of saucers and teabags and stuff in here, which are all lovely, high chews as well. But there's those two things there I want us to talk about quickly.

Before we do the proso. Yeah. Okay. And a nice pack of playing cards as well. Great, shall I just examine this? No, let's do those two first. Oh, these two. Quickly.

Quickly, quickly, quickly. One of these is a really interesting item. Talk faster, quickly, talk faster. Paul particularly likes to collect. I like it. Are you going to collect this for me, or do you want me to keep this? No, you keep this, because I've got another thing.

I do like it as well. But you like viewfinder things, don't you, Paul? I love viewfinder. And you've recently been repopularising the... Action Replay. Action Replay, which is a whole system that uses real film. Yeah, I've got to take that one by accident. Take that one, which has bum-bum footage.

I'll take that. Sold for kids. Said it had exclusive content on. Kid buys it. Reel 3 is from Say What You Like video, reel three, it's from say what you like video, and there's just a weird picture, of like their arses, and then a woman,

with a mop, cleaning their, trifle covered arses, trifle covered, there's all trifle up the arse, in that video mate, it's weird, there's trifle up the face,

is there like a poultice type, sort of, trifle poultice, mate there's a proper thwacker, and then she comes along, with one of those, it's a grimy looking mop, like they saw at the corner, of the studio, grab that, slap it on Robbie's ar proper thwacker, and then she comes along with one of those, it's a grimy looking mop like they saw at the corner of the studio.

Grab that, slap it on Robbie's arse. Oh, God. Fourth edition noise mouth. Anyway, so we have a Mickey Mouse Florida Walt Disney World Studio viewfinder. And what's nice is that it's, is it modular? No, is it? It's got little cards that slide in and out. All the cards are on the key chain that is attached to it and they're from different areas and they're

color-coded there's green yellow red and blue and i'm going to stick the green one in now interestingly they all relate to different parts of florida so for instance i don't know what they are but like one's only epcot one's the animal kingdom one's the Animal Kingdom, one's the Magic Kingdom, one is Studios, I think. But anyway, the point is that I think that must have been a very late 90s, 2000s viewfinder. Why can't you make it work? You just haven't put it in hard enough. Push it all the way in hard, all the way until it clicks. There you go.

And then it catches the mechanism. And then don't bang the mic because that's really fucking annoying. Come on! You just have to edit that out. Now I have to think about editing that out now. Oh, come on. We're that's really fucking annoying. Come on! You'd have to edit that out. Now I have to think about editing that out now. Oh, come on. We're never going to do this. Come on.

It's a woodland scene. Woodland. That's probably Animal Kingdom then you've got. Oh, look. He's clicking the ear. Goat Mountain. Goat Mountain. Oh, Goofy as a pirate.

Goofy pirate. You know, he's got the hat and all Goofy or whatever. Eli, you're transported, aren't you, to the Magic Kingdom itself? That is pretty neat, I have to say. I love all that shit. I like it a lot, actually. You know what I like about them? It's got that same kind of what the butler saw machines that I'd love to have.

You know, you look through and it's a private little peep show. And you go, oh, she's showing her fucking ankles. It's great. It's sort of novelty photography applications are always interesting to me. One of the things I really want to get my hands on for Cheap Show, because you can get them cheap on eBay now, is the new Viewmasters use virtual reality. Are they stereoscopic? Yeah, and they use virtual reality in your phone and things like that now. Oh, they do? The actual moving bits?

Yeah, it has a special thing for you. Anyway, I just thought I might try that on the show one day to see where the future's gone. Source! That's a great item, and that's going to go on my wall with all my other bits of crap. Yeah, it's lovely. That's a lovely bit of objet d'art, so thank you for that. Do you think they're still available, maybe? Of a different type, probably.

This is actually, we've said it, we can see photos on the website, but this is shaped like Mickey's head, and he used one of his ears to click it. It's a lovely design. Next is the sauce. What is it? Here.

Eli got a great big bottle of sauce, and it says, Chili Sauce Flamin' Hot, and it comes in a grenade-style glass decanter. It's quite a beautiful thing. Water, chili powder, spirit vinegar, chili flakes, garlic powder, onion powder, salt. No carrots, Eli.

I know, that's good. That's good. Does that mean it's going to be very kind of runny and thin? It will be watery, yes. But that's fine. But that's fine. That's not a complaint. I don't need my hot sauce.

If I wanted a hot sauce that's gloopy and ketchup-like, I would go for a sriracha. Yeah, of course you would. I wouldn't go for fucking something that's stuffed full of carrots. And carrots don't add to a sort of smooth-flowing gloopiness. It's all lumpy it's all bits like someone spat

out the carrots we are anti-carrot in hot sauce it's only fly-by-night cowboys trying to make some claim about it's dangerous or hurt you

or you know it's extreme they're the ones that you know it's the people who celebrate the pain that are actually ruining the idea of flavour

not the flavour yeah now I because I'm committed to this type of thing stop putting it on the table of flavour now I because I've committed to this type of thing stop putting it on the table it bangs you we've got 13 minutes left

and we've got the price of shite to do guzzle that sauce on the hottest day of the year I'm going to take it straight down he's going to take a shot from the neck

oh straight down oh it comes with a little little thing oh I don't know how hot it's going to be he's going to take the tip off he's got a sriracha-y sort of marceline puff Oh really?

Yeah He's taking it from the neck What a man What a mighty good man Oh, what's your Very vinegary and dry Okay I'm just going to take a tip off the lip

Yeah Mmm It's hot, but you know, it's not like It's not, it would be I think that's a build-up heat one Where after a few dips A few uses It builds up

But as it stands And in texture It's got little bits Oh a little bit of chilli Got corned above you On the hot day of the year It's not too bad that 12 minutes

Quite nice actually The grenade Hot sauce Be nice on a piece of meat Or some eggs or something. Oh, nice cock. Right. Like, you know, Nando's.

A spatchcock. A spatchcock. What is a spatchcock? Yeah, exactly. Don't try and fucking put me down for saying stuff you don't understand, mate. Yeah? Come on, let's go through this. You asked me a question!

I've gone off it now. Right, here we go. A spatchcock is a chicken that you cut down in half and then spatch it out. Good. Spatch. Right, so Price of Shite. That's it. Come on, we've got 11 minutes to do this segment.

Spatch fadge. All right, Price of Shite. Here we go. Look at you, fadge. Right, here we go. So, there are four items. The first one Is a card tool Eli explain the card tool to us

This is a nice Modular card tool It's A rectangle And all the tools Sort of Slot in To the rectangle

So we got there Rectangle No I just drew it badly I hate my fucking life What's that? Is that a screwdriver? It's a Phillips head Yeah it's a Phillips head.

Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. We've seen some multi-tools, and there's a little blade. Yeah, that's a bit scary. It's got like a blade in there. Well, that'd be good in prison if you needed to... Yeah. To knife someone who's about to attack you.

Assert your status, yeah. Yeah. Little big man Eli. Oh, there's another one. You could get someone's eyes out with that. Well, no no that's a What can opener? You'd be known as like

The blinder Eli the blinder Murphy Oh yeah but In cell 47 Eli the blinder Why is he Does he always pull a blinder No he fucking stabs your eyes out

With his cock end No why Why stab with a cock I can't see You're disturbed You are disturbed You see penises The last thing I saw was Eli's meters.

Don't go the way I did. Pay him back his money. You always see cocks as violent weapons. Mine is. That's your main... Mine is. Oh, fuck off. I have the words HMS Destroyer written on the side of my cock.

Right, what's this then? And every time it's time for love, I go, whoop, whoop, whoop. We're going down. Make the mouth noise. We're going down. Whoop. Here we go. Right.

What's this? I don't know. What is that? Two pronged prick. Oh, no. That's a miniature. Oh, it's a tiny little screwdriver. Tiny little screwdriver and a tiny little Phillips screwdriver.

Wow. It must be for glasses and whatnot. Yeah, that's useful, though. Yeah, that is useful. Those are always useful. What else? What do you think? That's it.

That's all. You've got one blade, Phillips screwdriver, a bottle opener, that is, and can opener. Right. It's like a... What do we think?

I'm going to say that's one pound. Now, what's the clue? The clue is that it's spent no more than £4.50, yeah? Yeah. So I'm going to say that was one pound, that. That sounds like a one pound on the nose kind of thing.

I'll say 95. Nine minutes left. I'll say 95p 95p he says just to try and get the close five p all right okay next is the wind-up torch i get to play with this wind up it's more of a wind-up bike light isn't it i think it is a wind-up bike light which is effectively still an act active torch no yeah a bike light and a torch of a fundamentally the same item. No.

Calling it something different is just being pernickety. No, it's not because they're designed differently to do with their purpose in mind. But they're still torches. Well, you wouldn't have a different fucking word for them.

But then what would they call flaming sticks? They wouldn't call them torches, would they? They'd say flaming sticks but everyone still calls them torches so this bike light is therefore still

a fucking torch. No, it's not. You stupid sweating beast. They are in the same family of object. They're lights. And winding this up. One's a torch, one's a bike light. No, they're all torches.

They're not all torches. They are all torches. Right, if you can listen, if you can fucking sort this out and tell me, do torch, is torch the family? Do torch is family? Is that the question? Everyone, ladies and gentlemen, Torch the family? Do Torch is family? Is that the question? Everyone, ladies and gentlemen, do Torch is his family? Are you going to let me see this fucking bike light?

Yeah, it's nice. It's got a handle on. It's got a little pebble. Yeah, it's got a little pebble shape to it, the handle. And you wind it up. Yeah, the pebble shape is what makes it a bike light. Just a Torch. It's still fundamentally a Torch.

I don't know why you don't have to agree. It is not. I'm sweating. I can't think. I want to go to bed. A torch is a handheld light. So if I touch your dick, that's a torch, is it? Well, it is handheld.

Is it a light coming out of it? You know what, mate? I agree. That wasn't a good argument. I'm going to back out of that one. I'm stopping. Seven minutes left. It's kind of flat, and it has a decal. It has a sticker on. Yeah. So it is secondhand because someone stuck that on. I'm stopping. Seven minutes left. It's kind of flat and it has a decal,

has a sticker on. Yeah. So it is second hand because someone stuck that on. Flames. Flaming. And that... Yeah.

A little on and off. It's quite nice. I'm going to say that... I'm going to say that is 150. That's my guess for that. No, you're not allowed to keep guessing first. All right, well then you

guess the next two first. You fuck this up. You guess the next two first. I fucking will guess the next two first, all right? You guess the next two first. I fucking will guess the next two first. I know, because I've just invited you to do that. Well, we should have been alternating. That's all I'm saying. There's close to six minutes left.

Come on. I'm going to go £1.15. £1.15. £1.15 for that. Next, Mr. Silverman. Right, we've got the travel adapter, it says. We're going by the list, not by how your small hands can reach for. Grab that one.

Aggression level. I'm going to drop it. Mate, here's the thing. I either build it up or I just fall asleep right now in a sweaty puddle. So it's up to you. Right, so we can get through this very quickly. This is a travel-wise universal adapter for power supplies. It's got all the different...

Now, it don't do the step-up or step-downs you might need, but it certainly gives you the right adapter. Oh, it doesn't adapt, but it... Yeah, I don't believe something like that would have the space. It doesn't have the... Yeah, you'd have to have a big adapter step-down. It's interesting. It's one of the reasons why now that everyone has USB plug-in power stuff,

you can go anywhere in the world and plug in whatever item with a USB now, which is, you know, the future. I don't understand why we just don't universalise power outlets. You know what I mean? Well, they are with USB,

aren't they? I guess they are. But it's a lovely little thing. It's the kind of thing you get in a boot or a, you know, double-eight Smiths in the travel area.

Or about 500 quid in an airport. Yeah, true. Fucking airports. That'd be at least 20 in an airport. Yeah, true. Fucking airports. That'd be at least 20 in an airport. All right. So what do you want to say for that then in terms of price? I think it's probably going to be the most expensive item,

and I'll say two pounds. Really? Two pounds, he says. Two pounds. What have I got? I'm going to say that's... I was going to say £2 as well. Can I do the same?

You can. I'll say £2 as well then. All right, sweet. And then our final, finally doodly thing is the what? Oh, interesting. These are vinyl or design, record design coasters. Simple as that. They look very authentic, like little records.

Yeah. Spectrum Records, they've got little joke labels. Oh, love it. Spectrum Records, and it's tea time. Speculum. Brackets, don't spell this. Don't spill this. By the nostalgics.

Not a real record. No, I guess that. The other one is more in a sort of dance style. Yeah. Mate, you... What? Yes? Quick.

We're recording. We're nearly finished. Do you want to save your half? Save me half, please. Curry interruptions at this late stage in the game. The other record is... Vinyl record says, Protect the surface by the nostalgics.

Yeah, same band. They must have had a kind of really niche output, you know, just protecting drinks from spilling. But they're kind of cute, aren't they? They're very cute. And if you're, you know, a music aficiado, why wouldn't you want one of those? Because they're shit.

Imagine you look at it and you go, oh, that's not a real vinyl. It's just a piece of plastic. Then one day you go for a laugh. Oh, I wonder. And you play it and it's like, Suck the God cock. Suck the God cock.

Suck the cock of God. Really? Yeah, and you play it And it's like Suck the God cock Suck the God cock Suck the cock of God Really Yeah and you play it backwards It looks like it is real vinyl It does It looks like it But it's definitely not Maybe it is recycled

Old kiddies records I don't think so I'm going to try it No we don't have the time Let's try it We need to try it Try it now But what price is it

Have a think about the price 50p Oh I think 50p as well Oh So while Eli decides to see If his fucking record player But what price is it? Have a think about the price. 50p. Oh, I think 50p as well. Oh. So while Eli decides to see if his fucking record player will play a tea coaster, let's see what happens. Oh, do you want to know what will happen, ladies and gentlemen? I'll tell you.

A lot of noise. Oh, God. Don't do that. Those speakers popped hard then. The speakers literally popped out of the shell. That is crazy. I've never seen a speaker do that before like it was about to vomit so was that a waste of time it don't work paul right so as records let's now go through the thing we've got three minutes left of the show we award per twings on this show, Paul.

Very quickly, if we get the price on the nose for any of these, we get two per twings. If we're 25p either side, we get one per twing. Just the one per twing. And if we get them in the right order. Oh, well, there's no order because we put them any... We're not going to do order this time, are we? Why? Because we read it as the letter, read it out.

We haven't put it in terms of price. So it would be a weird... We're not doing it. We're not doing that version. If I get it right, letter, read it out. We haven't put it in terms of price, so it would be weird. We're not doing it. We're not doing that version. If I get it right, I'm awarding myself three Petwings. We're not doing that version. So there'll be spiritual points, not real Petwings. Are you ready?

There'll be points, not Petwings. Are you going to count up the Petwings? So far, Eli, I'm just going to say you have spent £2, £2.50, £3.50, £3.75, £4.40 something, I think, based on all of them together. And I've spent £2, £3.50, £4, £5. So I'm probably wrong considerably. Hopefully, I very rarely win when it comes to this particular conflict, everybody. One and a half minutes. I'm hoping betweenwing's happened.

So we're starting with the card tool. Yes. What did I say? You said 95p. I said one pound. I'm closer. It was 50p. So that's one Petwing for Eli.

The travel adapter. Travel adapter. I said one pound 50. You said one pound 15. What is it? 75p. So you win that one again. That's another betwing for Eli.

Oh, we get betwing for being closer. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, because we're against each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. I thought that was what the game was. But we get an extra betwing for being within 25p.

And two more if you've got it on the nose. This is already complicated. We've lost track. The torch. He calls it a the note this is already complicated the torch he calls it a torch we both said two pounds maybe it's a torch Paul maybe I was wrong yeah it's a torch

it's definitely a torch two pound it's one pound ten so I guess we both get one between each no we won't

we'll just scratch that we don't get any no points right no I guess Paul the rules are quite easy no points and then the lastly the coasters the vinyl style 30 seconds left We don't get any per twings. Right. No, I guess. Paul, the rules are quite easy. No points. And then the coasters.

Lastly, the coasters. The vinyl style coasters. 30 seconds left. What did you say? I said 50p. You said 50p. £1.75. Oh, fucking hell.

For the coasters. Oh, dear. They saw him coming. Yeah, they did. Need to go to that one around the corner with the old lady that always overprices us. So, no per twwing there for either. But I do win this week, don't I? But you do with two per-twings, Mr. Silverman.

Per-twing, per-twing! So with 10 seconds left on the clock, I think it's only fair that with your win, I announce it officially. So here we go. I've never done this before. I'm giving Eli all the time in the world, and I'm going to give him his props now. And oh, time's over. I can't do that.

One hour's over. The show is over. That's it. Bye. It's not really over, is it, Paul? It's not really over. It's not really over. That was a bang on an hour.

Okay, well, let's wrap this shit up. I do want to say wholeheartedly, Eli won that. Great win for Eli. Only a small victory, but a victory all the same. And they matter in the long run, don't they? Thank you very much, Paul. I'm proud. I've got the same and they matter in the long run don't they thank you very much Paul I'm proud I've

got the betwings I've seen how proud you are back in the bag I want to move forward and I want those two betwings to have a lot of little friends

I think after you're dead a lot of little friends in the future a lot of little betwings I think considering you've had a bit of a

low point recently I think you're getting back into it I think you're getting your juju back I'm getting my betwing juju back you're getting it all

back so ladies and gentlemen thank you for supporting Cheap Show if you do indeed support on patreon which is patreon.com forward slash cheap show go there and you'll get podcasts and video things and bits and bobs and magazines and extra stuff love it love you goodies love the money um and we thank you for it if you don't just spread the word and enjoy the show that's all we can ask of you we're on on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, at thecheapshowpod,

I'm Paul, at Paul, I'm Paul, Paul. I'm Paul, Gannon, Paul, Paul. Oi, I'm Paul, Gannon, Paul, Gannon, Paul, Paul. I'm Paul, Gannon, Paul, Paul. Oh, knob-chit-chop, knob-chutney, chutney up my knob, knob down, round around here, knob-chitney, nom-nom.

No, that tailed off considerably. I'm on Twitter also what is it Eli Snoid E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D at Paul Gannon Show P-A-U-L-G-A-N-N-O-N-S-H-O-W what else

nothing email the show about anything you like at no ooh thecheapshowpod at gmail.com

what and what what are you doing the camera pictures for? Just tell them they can see the photos. Oh, yeah. And if you want to see pictures or anything from our previous website pages. Oh, fuck, you know.

I can't concentrate. Our previous website pages. If you want to go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. All the pictures. All the pictures for every episode with that episode with its dedicated page. Links to our merch, which is run by Tony. Links to the physical magazine run by event I'm not getting a

teen yeti t-shirt I keep forgetting to order it but I'll do it this week we will definitely have it before the live show 200 when we do the live stream show I want to wear the team yeah we'll

do that we'll represent all right but that's it keep it simple keep it quick we're too hard we're too hard hot you're hot I'm hot and hard is that a pineapple no are you just pleased to see me?

No, it's not a pineapple. It is a throbbing hot erect penis. A gristly, gristly, veiny, knob, quivery knob. Oh, knob. Spatch. Spatch knob. Right, bye everyone. Which is a knob split up the middle and spread out.

Spatch knob. Spatch knob. Bye everyone. Bye everyone Bye