CheapShow - Ep 194: Every Second Counts

Episode Date: September 4, 2020

It's time to relax on the high concept episodes and go back to what we do best... Shouting, screaming, laughing and hunting out the best in cheap high street titbits. This week, Paul and Eli dive back in the box of weird and wonderful vinyl to pull out a mad Moog album, a synth laden trip into space and a groovy sing-along with vintage kids show Play School! Meanwhile, Paul brings along a new Gannon's Golden Game. This week it's a time based game show on a popular Paul Daniels TV show. So, relax, unwind and listen to two men behave extremely badly! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-194-every-second-counts If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Podbible Interview: https://podbiblemag.com/2020/06/12/a-special-cheapshow-celebration/ MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

Hello, everybody. It's cheap show time again. I've got no energy and Paul's a mess. I am not a mess. How dare you? I'm just emotionally distraught. I'm a mess. Why?

I noticed you didn't go to Jimmy Biscuit's funeral. Right. Why didn't you go? There wasn't that many of us there. It was only me, a mysterious figure in black. Paul, listen. And the vicar. Bring me the head of Jimmy Biscuit's and then I'll go to his fucking funeral, all right?

All right, okay. I refuse to believe that someone of his level of expertise and experience in the field and just determination would find a way out of that explosion. Well, all we know is that that building was completely destroyed

and they didn't find his body and so police have decided that he is dead. He's probably gone up to the stratosphere. Do you mean? Up to the stratosphere! That's what he'd say. Don't you dare do Jimmy Biscuit's voice. I went up to the stratosphere!

Anyway. You haven't answered my question. I went up to the stratosphere! You haven't answered my question. Scones! Oh! We're two minutes in and I want to punch you. So why didn't you go

to the funeral because I hate Jimmy Biscuits is that what you want me to say mate why didn't you go because I'm trying to push my character Don McNubbin

alright you want to bring Don McNubbin in Don come over here I said I'm Don McNubbin how you doing I I hate a gunkin

I already I know this is the worst episode of Cheap Show. Hey, talk to me, Paul. I'm Don McNaughton. Hi, Don. Tell us a bit about you.

Ah, well, that's a long story. A long story. We'll save it for another time then, shall we? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Economy Comedy Podcast Cheap Show. Should I go now? I would love you to go. Where do I go? There's a door there.

I'm Don McNaughton. Yeah, I know. Go. Thank you to go. Where do I go? There's a door there. I'm Dan McNuggan. Yeah, I know. I go. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Hey, Eli. Yeah.

Your character added nothing. Well, he's here now. I know. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast for your ears with me, Paul Gannon. And I'm Eli Silverman. Hello. Welcome back. Here's the theme tune.

Let's put that in now. Bye. No, not bye. and I'm Eli Silverman hello welcome back here's the theme tune let's put that in now bye no not bye I hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles it's just a fact of Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn

to fucking accept Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap Show Cheap Show It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And a go and a nuzzle.

Hello. Hello. We're back again. Back from the theme song. The theme song has now ended in all its glory. Welcome to Cheap Show. The economy comedy podcast. We're back again. Back from the theme song. The theme song has now ended in all its glory. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. I said that already. It's where we go for the bargain bins, the charity shops,

and pound lands of Great Britain and bring you the treasure. Is that it now? That's what the list has come to? What? It's just truncated to that. Every time we try and elongate, it's a factor in every possible eventuality. I'm trying to elongate something. Go on.

Go on. Go on. Well, my knob. It's obviously my knob. Is it? I've got one of those squeezers. Eli's new book called It's Obviously My Knob. How to get it out in public. I've got one of those pumps they sold in the old porn mags.

What does the pump do? Elongates your dick. Does it though? It doesn't really. Or does it just really make it look like an egg for a bit? Does it make it look like an egg? It just all makes it swell up like a little egg. Oh mate. Like a

one of those round courgettes. No like a duck egg. Why a duck? Nice big egg. I had some duck eggs the other day. Right. Bit fishy. Bit of the water fowl. You know what I mean? Yeah. Weren't they duck eggs we had on Digitizer?

Oh, yes. The century eggs, but they were duck eggs. The fermented duck eggs. Yeah, they were. They did have a sort of fishiness, a fishy oiliness. I just got a horrible wave of nausea. I can't remember thinking about that. It was the cre-er.

No. No, I'm not going to. He hasn't even put anything in his mouth. It's funny. The memory of it is alone enough to make me feel quite horrible. I did not care for those. No. They were very, very creamy.

Creamy. It's the creaminess. Anyway, thank you all on the subject. I'm moving on. Thank you very much for the kind words people said about the Cheap Show Awards episode. There were some lovely emails that came in off the back of that. You know, just, it was lovely to do. And I know it was a little bit different, but we had a little bit of fun doing it.

Loved it, Paul. Loved it. And also it helped us tie up some loose ends plot-wise in the lore of Cheap Show. And hopefully create a few more ones to come. Hey, Luke Reader, listener, viewer. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. Nice to see was good. Yeah.

Nice to see Grumpy Sessions getting some work. Oh, poor old Grumpy. Well, you know, we didn't pay him for his performance. No. No. We didn't even tell him there was a microphone in his house. We spied on him. Yeah.

That was all real Grumpy. We just put a microphone in his house and left it running. Do you know, Paul, that my relatives refer to doing a poo as squishing a Grumpy? No. That's a good one, though. But now everything makes sense with you is squishing a grumpy. No. It's a good one though. But now everything makes sense with you. Squishing a grumpy. Eli.

I bet all your family sounds like Zippy. Eli, did you squish out a grumpy? I certainly did. Yes, papa. It was a... I can't hear the voices. I'm going to get Don back. No, no, no, no.

We're all right. We're moving on. He was in his Uber. I saw him leave. He's gone now. He's all right. He moving on he was in his uber i saw him leave he's gone now he's all right he's gone gone forever he's gone forever a brief and

fleeting new entry to the cheap show wiki page of characters right which i just discovered existed today paul what do we have coming up on the show today well on the show

today mr silverman we have a packed show two segments we've not really done properly in a while we are doing eli's today mr silverman we have a packed show two segments we've not really done properly in a while we are doing eli's platter silverman's platter silverman's platter and we are also doing a paul's pleasant past times it's a ganon's golden games everybody's pleasant past times where i can make that sound the board i know you can make anything sound annoying you do i'm you regularly all right if you annoying you do I'm your regular reader alright if you want to do pastimes

I'm working on some weird way to say that already in my mind the hard P's put me off that so well Paul here's an idea

don't do anything you dickhead just don't just don't alright and on today's Ganon Golden Games we're once again dipping into a

board game based on a 1980s game show TV property. So there is that to look forward to. There is indeed. If that is your thing. There is. How are you doing? Got anything else?

No, I've got nothing. It's kind of... I'll tell you what. After we did the awards episode, it felt like a weight came off my shoulders. Because I know there's only six episodes now to 200. But that's still a month or so away. You're peeling back the fetid, fecond

beef curtain of the show. Yeah, I'm peeling back the withered, tight foreskin. Withered and tight? Yeah. Withered and tight? What about Century Egg? We're peeling back the Century Egg of Team Show to reveal

its innermost innards. it no i know what you mean though paul i've um i feel spent mate you know what we haven't done in a while and you brought it up in the patreon pod we did earlier hmm let's pop outside the podcast just just for the hell of it really do you want to just pop now see what's going on up there just pop out the podcast okay up here alright hang on oh oh it's nice out here isn't it oh it's

it's more like a an endless void though look if you look all the way down there yeah there's all the unused segments from the beginning

of the show just floating around in the cosmic disconnected I think there's I think that's John Cunninghull riding on one of the segments yeah john cunninghole i can't make him out what does he sound like do you remember anything about john cunninghole but he's just over there he's riding around on one of these loose flying segments what segment is that oh

it's the uh take a break segment where we looked at magazines yeah that's yeah it's been decoupled from the rest of the segment it was a depressing segment look at it swirling around I'm getting trailbacks off the segment flying in the air it's nice and hardened isn't it?

don't look at that I'm just a bit excited about being outside the podcast can we not have any dick talk outside the podcast as well? Do you want that to be a new rule? No dick talk outside the podcast? I just think we've got some fresh air. We're breathing in the void of outside the podcast.

Yeah. And I was just saying, the top of the podcast has got a nice hard white sci-fi vibe to it. That's all. Like an egg. Like an egg. Like an egg. It is like, in many ways, this show is like an egg

and we're on top of the egg. Egg-like segment stretching to infinity. It's a fragile yet ironically strong show. Do you know what it smells like outside the podcast as well? For me, it's sulphur.

It's a slight tinge of sulphur but there's a rose, rosewood as well. There's rosewood. Like a kind of, like a fireplace. Yeah. Crackling fireplace. I like it. I don't want to go back. There's a rose rosewood like a kind of um like a fireplace yeah crackling fireplace i like it i don't want to go it's a slight breeze up here i don't want to go back to the podcast well you're gonna have to come back i don't want to go back to it i like it i'll go back down let

you have a moment yeah all right okay let me go yeah you see you in a bit eli all right bye you fucking dickhead. Paul's lost it, everyone. He can't take it anymore. Oh, I do like going outside the podcast. All right, let's go back in. Well, I am back in already. I'm talking to them.

Oh, I wonder when Paul's going to join me back in the podcast. I'm just closing the hatch. Okay, come back down, Paul. You got it out of your system? Yeah. It's all filled better now. Alright, shall we crack on with today's podcast? Let's do it because we're the only

podcast that matters. I can't, I can't not do this. See you guys after the sound effect. Yes, yes,

yes. It's time again for Silverman's Platters. This is where I felch. Oh God. Here we go.

Felch. This is where you felch what? I don't felch What don't you felch? What is not being felched now? I was looking for a word of sort of looking through stuff And felch came to mind How about you do the phrase

I was looking through my records Yeah And I found Yeah It's the part of the show where I look through my records Fucking hell And I select things that are of interest to me And you, the listening public.

And hopefully to you as well, Paul. Well, every now and then I like to join in. Oh, good. So, Silverman's Platters is a segment that has a patron saint. I was hoping you'd bring him up. And we're going to call him now. Here we go. And just for his bit.

Okay, so Silverman's Platters, who's... Oh, fucking hell. Okay, so Silverman's Platters, who's... Oh, fucking hell. Silverman's Platters, patron saint of the segment, Clyde McFlatter. Clyde! Hello. Good, now on with the show.

I can't remember my voice for him. And it doesn't matter, he doesn't have a voice. He doesn't have a voice. But I did... So why did you call him? You know I've played you that Clyde McFlatter tune? Yes. Let the boogie woogie roll. Yes.

Which is a Stormer. Excellent tune. But he also was doing work into the soul era. What, 60s? Yeah. Okay. And there's a Northern soul classic, which was his as well. Called?

I can't remember, but I'll come back to you on this. All right, we'll come back to that one because I'd like to know. Yeah. Right, so what have we got? What's the theme for today, if there is one? Or is it just an average random bag? It's got a bit of everything. We've got one kids record,

and... Oh, we should start with that one, actually, I think. Yeah. And two Moog. Dare I say it? Moog.

Yeah, I say it. Moog. Yeah. Wasn't that the name of the character in Will-O-The-Wisp? Was the Moog? The little sausage dog thing.

Yes. Not Arthur. No, he was called Moog, wasn't he? No, Moog. The Moog. Oh, the Moog. Yeah. Does anyone remember that show?

Willow the Wisp. I like Willow the Wisp. I used to fucking love Willow the Wisp. I loved Kenneth Williams' reading of it. I loved Evil Edna. Yeah, brilliant. He was a telly. He was a witch.

She was a witch in a TV. Yeah, in a TV. It's quite strange. Strange. Yeah. Do you think that was meant to be sort of a comment on TV being bad for kids? Hey, maybe. That's a good point.

I hadn't thought about it. But it's funny because it's on TV itself. So it's a bit like, you know. But that's maybe, you know, the poison in the pie, you know. Oh, lovely pie. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Poison. Ah.

Below the wish. It's like, oh, lovely kids show. Message TV bad. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there were other shows that sort of, like the classic, utterly absurd example is Why Don't You?

Why Don't You? When I was a kid, I used to want to be on Why Don't You? So did I. I used to love Why Don't You? And then I watched it back recently and I just thought,

what a bunch of fucking little cunts. Are they precocious? Yeah, because they're all part of that, you know, drama school style. Yes, they've obviously come from, like, straight from the stage school. If you want to watch the most awful children's TV in the world, and this is no exaggeration,

watch Rod Hall's Pink Emu Windmill Show, whatever it was in the 80s. Pink Windmill. Where every now and then, for no reason at all, all the kids would start dancing and singing contemporary hits in that really affected British stage school manner. Totally fake. And are they like that

on Why Don't You as well? No, because not real kids. No, well, no. Why Don't You was a bit more kind of a... It was a magazine format and I seem to know it was just kids

being TV presenters. But later on, they did stop folding in like a little bit of a narrative. Oh, yeah. Because I remember there used to be

this Welsh character in it and he had a flat cap and he was weird. And then it's in that kind of uncanny valley between is it drama or is it a live show? A bit like Cheap Cheap Cheap. A bit like Cheap Show, frankly, when we mix all the genres and the themes and the drama characters. Yeah, but it's not as awkward.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make about Why Don't You is in the theme tune, famously, why don't you turn off your television set and do something less boring instead? Yeah. So it's telling you at the top of the show, don't watch this show. I know. But ultimately, if you don't watch the show, how are you going to get that message?

I know. So you have to watch the show to get the message to not watch the TV show. It's utterly ridiculous. So what does that mean? In episode one, they say, don't watch this show. Yeah, I fucking won't.

How about this? I fucking won't. Just a bunch of fucking kids killing dogs with sticks. Killing dogs with sticks. Yeah. Why don't you kill a dog with a stick? I think there was one of those. Oh, hello.

And this week on Why Don't You, I'm going to take this little puppy. Yip, yip, yip. Fucking cave its head in with a brick. Right. Okay. I don't know why you've gone that way. But do you remember how? Did I pass the audition? No, you didn't. Oh,'ve gone that way. But do you remember Howe? Did I pass the audition?

No, you didn't. Oh, that's a shame. Paul voice number two. Now, Paul. Yeah. Do you remember Howe, though? Howe. Yeah, Howe.

For now. And they brought it back in the 90s called Howe 2 with Carol Vorderman and Gaz Topp. And did they drop the kind of Native American... No, they still did it. And that's Howe for now. As in... Howe. Howe. They used to put their hand up and say, did it. And that's how for now. As in... How. You used to put their hand up and say,

how. Because that's what Native Americans do. Did they, though? Is that just one of those things where it's like, no, they didn't also go, oh, that was real. Exactly. So it's a bit dodgy, isn't it?

Fred Dynage. Yeah, I remember liking How. I used to love How. Yeah. I love those shows where you learn something in an entertaining way. Yes.

So did I memories I'm going outside the podcast no don't come back down well on that on that note we're gonna

are we inside or outside the fucking podcast we're inside the podcast right now we're in the podcast inside the podcast no we're not inside the inside podcast

are we nested is it nested reality is it inside the podcast no oh no oh I know what we're doing yeah we're doing Silverman's Platters Are we nested? Is it nested realities inside the podcast? No. Oh, no. Oh, I know what we're doing. Yeah. We're doing Silverman's Platters.

Yeah, I'm going to start with... And the first platter today, we're talking about kids TV, Paul. Which is the segue I was trying to get into, but yeah. I picked this up, I believe, in a charity shop round your waist. Oh, you did? In, um... Harrow. Talking to the fucking mic.

All right? Harrow on the old daddy. Yeah. Talking to... No, let's not look... I've got the... talking to the fucking mic alright arrow on the old daddy yeah talking no I've got the ladies and gentlemen we're experimenting

with this recording this week ladies and gentlemen they don't they don't care about this well you can cut it out I've got I've put Eli

I made him wear the headphones so he can see how loud or quiet he is so he can monitor his own voice when you spoke then you had your mouth away from the mic I have better mic technique than you in general.

So shut your stupid, fat, bulbous, overgrown, foilage-ridden face. All right, good. Okay, this is the first record, the first platter. And I'll be asking Paul whether you think it is a platter or a splatter. Or a splatter, which is our little thing. Our thumbs up or our thumbs down. Splatter is thumbs down. Yeah.

Platter is thumbs down. Right up. Right up. Right up. Right up. Right up to the knuckle. Thumb knuckle. Okay.

I'll give you a thumb knuckle. Eli, you're wearing the headphones right now. Get this. Thumb knuckle. Nice. I like it. I like when he's too close. ASMR or something. Thumb knuckle. Nice, I like it. I like when he's talked close. ASMR or something.

Thumb knuckle, yeah. Nice, yeah. And thumb knuckle. No, no character. Hello, I'm thumb knuckle. It's the same voice. It's that character who we can't remember who it is.

What I do is, I run behind baddens and put my thumb right up their arse to my knuckle. Thumb knuckle. Inch man. Thumb knuckle versus inch man.

Coming to cinemas in 2021. that is no that's that's got something it's got yeah this is an lp i picked up in harrow yeah uh bang on a drum songs from play school and play away so play school and play away were very uh for children who are very young it was like primary school age or younger no like nursery school maybe yes like we're talking three to five three to six years something like that and it was adults playing with toys in a sesame street type way but not puppetry just they had they had jemima yeah did they talk mr ted no they never talked they were just dolls yeah they were just dolls on set but they had personalities for me personally paul play school was like my first experience with... Oh, God.

No. Please don't say. It was just my first... It's the first TV show that I can remember being into when I was tiny. I can understand that. Yeah. Because, again, you had all those dolls.

I liked Big Ted. I had a whole teddy bear face. Yeah. Humpty Dumpty. Was that the name of him? Humpty. He's called Humpty, yeah. I used to love his nice little natty plaid trousers

that he wore. He had a little go round the equator of him? Humpty? He's called Humpty, yeah. I used to love his nice little natty plaid trousers that he wore. He had little go round the equator of the egg. What are eggs? Why are eggs coming up so much? It's an egg-based show, ladies and gentlemen. Nesting eggs. Egg with an egg. Nesting reality eggs. Like the windmills of my egg. Right.

So I'll put a picture on our website of the album cover and also the TV scene. Do you know what about Play Away was a similar, was it? I think it was, I think it was very similar. I think they were much of a muchness. Right. And the cover has

all of the... Oh, they're there. Yeah, you're right. I'll put that picture of that up then. Is that Humpty? I don't remember. Humpty's like a green...

Humpty? Paul? What? What is Humpty, the colour of Humpty suggesting to you? He's green, isn't he? Like?

Dark, like a green, like a century egg. Like a century egg. a green like a century egg Humpty is a century egg Humpty is a century duck egg with a creamy finish that's why he got kicked off play school

he's very natty I'm exactly did they change that design I think they must have because this is like very a trippy one isn't it he's got purple velvet

trouser tops and you look you said his trousers. You remember his trousers being a nice tartan or a plaid. Yeah. They're all kind of green. It's a green sort of...

Floor thing. No, what's that called? The Bieber pattern. I don't know. It's called Paisley. Okay. And there's Jemima. They're all sitting around a drum kit.

Jemima's actually drumming. Who's this here? I don't know. There's a little baby doll. Baby doll. Creepy, realistic around a drum kit. Jemima's actually drumming. Who's this here? I don't know. There's a little baby doll. Creepy, realistic baby doll. I hate that. That's unnecessary. There's Big Ted.

There's Little Ted. Yeah. Play school, it says on the drum. Now, you love these kind of things, don't you? You love these kind of... I love BBC records. Yeah. I collect it, especially the singles.

They're expensive as well, I've noticed, in charity shops. There was that one I showed you. That was like about finger puppets or whatever it was yeah and early bbc was like 12 quid or something i just think it's part of the general trend they get someone in goes on discogs and he looks at how much one was sold for you know to be the top of the search yeah and that doesn't check the condition no and then puts it and it's just it's like some of the worst priced vinyl you can find in the whole world do you know what i mean it shouldn't be in a charity shop should it should be in a museum no it should yeah no don't start why why are you shooting this in i'm gonna do an

indiana jones and last crusade impression junior junior it's one word x Ex-mox to spot. Okay, that's... Junior. I am the last dragon. Oh, my goodness. Junior. I like it. James Bond. Oh, I'm just going to... My name's James Bond. Hello.

Right. Junior. You put one... He puts one of yours in the hospital. You put one of those in the mox. Junior. Producer. Producer.

Producer. The wife. Honestly. Come here. Yeah. So, this is an album. producer producer the wife honestly come here yeah so this is an album I imagine of songs taken

from the TV show and another good thing about it is it has a picture of all of the presenters Brian Kant yes I do

he was a mainstay right up until it became like Play School you know when they kind of revamped all the kids TV shows so Play School finished

and then it became Playbuffs and then Play then play days the y bird and all that crap the the tune we're going to select um it's quite funky surprisingly funky but as we mentioned when we were talking about before it's got a kind of sesame street vibe to it it's got a lovely mellow yeah um sort of dust motes in the sun on a Sunday afternoon and you're in a lobby and it's tiled and it's all those black and white tiles and there's dust motes. No, for me, this song is

quietly on in the back of a British pub very softly as they're waiting for the pub quiz to start and it's Sunday and everyone's there, the locals, and they're all in their 50s and 60s and they all smell of piss and fags and the guy comes out called Jack Wild

and he does the he does the quiz pub quiz and he's like oh eh oh eh oh

Paul we have to listen you've spent you've spent all of your creative load I did last week

and you're really struggling I'm trying puffing out blanks you wouldn't go for Don McNubbin. You could have had a real interaction with him. I think we should just, since we are 30 minutes in, just play the music clip right now of the track you've chosen. So this LP is Bang on a Drum, and this is the tune, Bang on a Drum. Let's listen to it right now.

Bang on a drum with a thumb It's enough if you don't know how Just to cool off your fevered brow With the rhythm of a drum Basil McGillicuddy taught me how In an afternoon, he said try it and very soon I was tired with the song. day to extract a beat well if it's

cold you can make some heat and if it's hot you can cool it let the drum overrule it stand on your head till you're ready nice and chill but kind of

funky isn't it as well and again it does remind me of Sesame Street. It's a way of learning with that kind of very accessible, recognisable genre song that helps impart the message. I just like it because it's more, I don't know, it's more today, everything's so, for children, children's music and children's TV is so focused on the exact demographic.

They've solved it. They know things like the beginning of this was things like Teletubbies and stuff. They know. Simple repetition. And you look on like YouTube for children, it's even worse. And it's just the sort of algorithmic colorful.

Right. And it's just completely soulless. Do you know what I mean? Okay. I see. Even though the kids, they love it, don't they?

I mean, they, they, it's, it's so focus grouped. It's, they know exactly what will keep kids watching now whereas then this is much more sophisticated more it's more musical it's sophisticated in so much that i think no one really knew what they were doing back then when it came to kids tv properly that's what they were finding their way yeah and then unfortunately it gets boiled down to because like for instance yeah i'm not i'm not gonna be one of these people who says

oh they'd never make whatever these days but i i'd find it hard to imagine shows like bagpuss getting commissioned now yes i'm not saying it never would or it could again the bagpuss music transports me back it's lovely it's so mellow and it has this has a sort of quality similar to that as well doesn't it and it's weird because the bagpuss music is not a genre I care for, the whole folk music thing. But what's nice is because I love the show, and I love the imagery of the show and the mice and the gadgets every week that they had to fix,

those songs are so intrinsically tied to my childhood that they surpass my knowledge of folk music and just becomes like, oh, musical memory droplets. There you go. Oh, the taste of strawberries or something. Bye, everyone. I'm off. He's fake walk-outing on himself.

There he goes. He's gone to the end of this segment. Come back. We haven't finished this segment, Paul. I'm back. Did you have a little look out the window into the next segment? No. Okay, then.

I ruined that improvisation. You've ruined everything. You're ruining everything today. I love this. I love it. Because, as I say, it's like, I like the variety. And you know what? It's like, there's all these songs, I imagine, are quite different across the album.

Yeah. I mean, he's involved, because I think this guy nick yeah he started off as a musician so i think he's an actual musical guy yeah it doesn't really tell you much about how this was all put together that's just for kids isn't it but you know it's nice i like finding those funky little ones and there is one on a there's a bluesy i have a rainbow record a similar record for rainbow early days rainbow you know when they used to have the singers on. Yeah, Rod and Jane. But there's also a couple of instrumental tracks on that LP that are just nice, just sort of nice music. And I think this Bang on a Drum has that as well.

It's a lovely thing. I'm definitely going to call that a platter. It's a platter for me as well, Paul. It's good. It's nostalgic for me, but it's the level of musicianship. It's actually listenable. It's pretty good. But even if you aren't a child, it's not impossible to enjoy enjoy listening to it but it also has that kind of folky creepiness almost

to it yeah they all do though like that one when i found that paul is a very dirty baby yeah that's upsetting that is one of my prize possessions the open it's a weird folk thing open university folk songs for kids here's the old history of folk music. Here we go. Here's one about a fat baby who used to wear clothes. Paul, Paul, we will sacrifice you at dawn. Oh, you've come down to the old wicker fat. Paul, witness the knife. You will feel the knife of satisfaction.

Paul, Paul, coming down the road. Paul, Paul, The knife of satisfaction. Why are you going into Jamaican with it? I don't understand what you're doing. I am not. You've gone into reggae. You started with folk and it went into reggae. The knife of satisfaction.

What's the next one? Next one is an LP as well, Paul. It's another charity shop thing, wasn't it? Yes. Yeah. Mind in Camden. That's true. It smells of cat piss, but has some great stuff in it.

It's a bit off-putting when you first walk into that place. It's like a wave, a wall of really tangible cat piss in the air. Yeah, it's cat fecal. Yeah. Cat fecal. Yeah. Now, this is good because it sort of touches on Moog, touches on TV music, and also touches on weird paranormal bullshit as well. Yes. Because this is an LP I picked up, In Search of Ancient Gods, an experience in sound and music, based on the books of Eric von Daniken.

So is this a kind of chariot of the gods thing? It supposes that aliens came to Earth and created civilization. I can't remember what his book is called. I think it is called In Search of Ancient Gods, isn't it? Was that the really famous one? Anyway, basically it was right in that sweet spot just before UFO, UFOlogy was taking off. and he basically proposed the theory, the ancient alien theory, which is that ancient civilizations such as the Mayans and the Egyptians were visited by space-faring aliens

who gave them a bunch of technology and helped them build the pyramids and all of this stuff. Which I always think is a big fucking load of bullshit. Because it also, it's basically saying humanity couldn't have done it without alien interference. And it's kind of like,

give humanity some credit. Yeah, exactly. And also, it's like, look, this is obviously a spaceman. It's like, no, it's like a decoration around this carving's head, you know. Yes, the book was called In Search of Ancient Gods, My Pictorial Evidence for the Impossible. Yeah, and so he's got all of these

things like, he looks like a spaceman or whatever. Yeah. Oh, there's some reviews on this. This is a library thing. What's the review? Seek and ye shall find whatever it is you are looking for especially if you make up the evidence. Ignore the most likely mainstream explanation and suspend any critical faculty you might possess.

It's horseshit. Then yes, maybe the impossible can become possible. One star. It's horseshit, isn't it? But it did and then it was extremely popular. I think it was one of the biggest sellers ever. And it kind of sparked off all of that History Channel stuff. What's that show on History Channel called?

Oh, it's all the same. All those fucking shows. Ancient Aliens, I think it's called. The thing is, there's always been this kind of interesting, esoteric stuff like the supernatural and UFOs. And what happened was weirdly it grew alongside the the kind of use of technology and so back in the 40s and 50s when the first reports of modern alien abductions were happening there wasn't much evidence to support anyone's claims but then you've got like the quote-unquote autopsy alien stuff then you've got the uh

rednush and forest stuff in the 80s. Then you get all the UFO photographs and all the whole gamut. But it all sort of reached a critical head in the 90s, didn't it? Well, the X-Files and stuff was a big reason for that. And a lot of those shows

suddenly became mainstream. And then that leads to shit like stuff like Ghost Hunters and things that I watch. It is an interesting thing because it's like In Search of Ancient Gods

and it's like trying to sort of explain religion in a sort of scientific putting a scientific framework on your religious beliefs you're saying god isn't like a supernatural being they were natural beings who visited us you see what i mean a replacement for a rational explanation yeah yeah it's robin's saying here's a metaphysical god that you have to conjure up here is a literal god that we just haven't met yet yeah but then he's usually using the word gods as higher intellect he's not actually saying they are rulers

I think it's just ultimately it's a book about this guy's quote unquote proof of alien interaction with earth which is like basically what boils it down to

all the pyramids are big couldn't have built a big pyramid or like this looks like a spaceman if you squint or you know I saw a light once

did you? yeah it was big in the sky yeah it was next. In the sky? Yeah. It was next to this big kind of concrete pole. Right on top of it. Right on top of it it was, yeah.

I said, you go away! And then a policeman came and told me I can't shout in the street no more. And what else have you seen? And I had to blow him. What else have you seen over the years, sir? I once saw a ghost uh what did that look like so i was walking past tesco's and i looked at the glass pane did you get a meal deal when i looked you're going for a meal no i was too frightened because i saw a ghost right and i saw oh you saw

something in the pane of glass that you were looking at it looked just like me and it was the same height and i went no and i started shouting at it and then the policeman came and he took me away and he said I can't stop shouting at it and what did you do and then I went and then I went home

and then guess what I saw did you nosh off the policeman though oh yeah yeah oh yeah I was getting a bit of word of mouth by that point so to speak word of mouth

word of my mouth seed of mouth seed of mouth word of my mouth was fruit of the loom so anyway I went out

in my garden I saw a fucking goblin oh yeah yeah it was like this four legged airy thing with a tail and it was going

woof woof and I went no and then my neighbour came out and he went mate you can't stop and I sucked him off

as well I've got to stop seeing the supernatural but they end up sucking people off you can let yourself out You can let yourself out. You let yourself out of the podcast, yeah. Oh, bye.

You're past, yeah. Oh, I just saw a new UFO. No, it's not. It's Don McNubbin's toupee. Oh, I'm going to have to suck a dick. So, shall we listen to this album? In Search of Ancient Gods. Now.

So, this album is to accompany the book with tonal musical moods oh so there was no TV show oh there might have been a TV show as well maybe I don't know

I don't think so no no it's yeah it's very strange so it was a project and it's on Warner Brothers so it's like a sort of big deal and it's got

a lot of synth it is is it strictly speaking moog no actual moog paul fishman is the main guy right and he's got synthesizers sequences right electric and acoustic sequences are like what machines that do repetitive sounds or beats so you can program in a loop essentially yeah okay cool so that can be a drum beat for example yes but they but early on they didn't have sequencers right so they'd have to do it on the go okay do you see what i mean so i think the arp was a was one of the first uh ones that could use a sequencer and you know that noise like the the marauder yes that's always that's a sequencer that does that

kind of thing do you see what i mean yeah Yeah. Fishman has a Mellotron. Nice. I like a Mellotron sound. Which is a lovely early synthesizer. Quite similar to a Moog, but you can tell the difference. And string synthesizers. Now, was this before the popularity of Moog, or it just didn't feature Moog? 76.

I don't know when this... No, so this is a bit after. I think some of these are probably things that came, more advanced versions. Okay. The Moog is very basic. You know, you can't play two notes that came, more advanced versions. Okay. The Moog is very basic. You know, you can't play two notes at once on a Moog. No. You know that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's probably more advanced stuff. And so I saw this and I thought this could be very synthy. And if you want basically a tune that is basically just a showcase for all these expensive synths, he basically does the same refrain. that is basically just a showcase for all his expensive synths. Yeah. He basically does the same refrain. Who's that Rick Wakeman

with the pianos and all the synths and all that stuff? Rick Wakeman is the guy out of Yes. Yeah, was he the one who used to go on tour with hundreds of pianos

around him? He's playing it with his dick and his fingers and his tongue or whatever. So this song... He's basically showing off

all his keyboards at once. He does one refrain and then he does it on the Mellotron and then he does it on a string synthesizer and then he does it on an electric piano.

He's like that guy I like on Facebook now. Harry's Organ whatever it is. What was his called? Very nice. Yeah, that guy who's Australian and he plays all the different organs. And he has those, what are they called? Those nylon suits with the short sleeves.

Yeah, a safari suit type stuff. That is a safari suit, isn't it? It's great. It's a lounge. He's very loungy. Harry's World of Organs I think it is. Check it out. I fucking love it. Proper cheesy organ business. She's very loungy. Harry's World of Organs, I think it is. Check it out. I fucking love it.

Proper cheesy organ business. And knowingly so. So, that tune that we're going to hear, Paul, now, The Gold of the Gods. Oh. So let's have a little listen. Let's have a little listen to that now. © transcript Emily Beynon So to me, that sounds like he left the studio and his kid was in there. And his kid was like, do, do, do, do, do.

I like it. It does look like they've just invited someone with no musical skill to come in and do a few tone tests. And they went, oh, that's all right. We'll keep all that in it's fucking mental yeah i like it that for me is a real find because it's sort of like the little the blinky blonky yeah i like the blinky blonky stuff but the thing is the rest of the album is quite like well produced and like you know lush but then that track's really sparse yeah it feels like it feels likeoff track, if I'm being completely honest with you. It does, but I like the way that he's just demonstrating all the weird sounds he can do.

Do you know what I mean? A demonstration of all the technology. Maybe what we didn't hear was the voice track in the studio where it's like, so try number 70. You know, watch this. That's clav. Yeah. Do you want me to do synth?

He's just changing the settings. Yeah. So you get lots of good noises. Yeah, the rest of the album doesn't Yeah. So you get lots of good noises. Yeah, the rest of the album doesn't quite catch fire at any point. It's not funky enough. It's reminiscent of like the slower parts of the War of the Worlds album. Yes.

It's got that similar 70s sound. You know, it's kind of like that 70s epic sound where it's like tiny little smidgen of disco in there. Yeah. And, you know, a lot of synth stuff. But it doesn't, it's just not quite there for me. Do you know what I mean? I would say, personally. Like library music, some of it.

This is a splatter for me because I like the idea of it more than the execution of it. Okay, thanks, Paul. Now. What do you say? Is that a platter for you? It's a platter for me.

Do you? We used to cover shit records on this bit, didn't we? We still do, actually, judging by that. Here's our final one. The final platter on today's

Silverman's platters now we've been sitting on this for a little while this was sent in by Alison it was Alison a long time listener

and amazing person hello Alison and she sent us some really choice beautiful movies she sent loads of stuff she sent me a comedy album

she sent me those Pac-Man albums stuff that we haven't really covered on the show properly yes we're going to do those Pac-Man albums I did it-Man albums. Stuff that we haven't really covered on the show properly. Yes. We're going to do those Pac-Man albums at some point?

No, I did it on Digi, so we're not going to do it here, really. Just to please the retro guy, bro. Retro guy, bros. No, I don't need that shit. This is poor. I was poor. This is.

Perhaps. Mother bought me Amiga. Mother bought me Amiga. I didn't own it. I just went around my mates to play it. I'm not judging you. I'm just saying. Don't call me rich.

I'm not calling you rich. Don't call me. Don I'm not calling you rich. Don't call me. Don't fucking condescend to me like you grew up with a silver apple in your bumhole. Silver apple? If I grew up with a silver apple in my bumhole.

Yeah, that would be good. No, it wouldn't. You could roll along. Like it's a big bearing. You don't know how arseholes work. Like it's a bearing. No, I'm not turning my arse into it. Imagine you had a huge bearing in your arse,

but only just pointing out. It's crowning. Like a trackball in a mouse. Yeah, and you just put your legs up, put your legs up in the air, get on the top of a hill. Oh, look, my arse is like a pair of Heelys. Yeah, that's what it is.

Heely arse. Yeah, Heely arse. Actually, on reflection, that would be a lot of fun. It would be. I will sluice the track before rolling and I'll sluice it with special fluid to

purge all granules, all gravel, granules, all gravy. Right, well, you had something at the start there. But the point is, is that... I want to talk about this record, Paul. Fucking hell. Now, you know I love a Moog record. We all love a Moog record.

Moog, I know everybody, that's how you're meant to pronounce it. Yeah, but even he was like, I don't give a fuck. Fuck it, mate. I'll fucking call it what you fucking want, mate. I don't fucking care. I'll just give you the fucking paycheck. I don't fucking care. You can fucking call it.

You can fuck off all I fucking give a shit. I'm going down in the basement. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. Moog. Moog.

Moog. This is country Moog switched on Nashville. That switched on Nashville is a reference to switched on Bach. Oh, is it the same artist? No, absolutely not. Switched On Bark was Wendy Carlos. It was indeed. Who's very famous.

So he's trading on that popular album. That was, I think, one of the huge sellers, Switched On Bark. It's funny, that could have been a big seller back then. Yeah. Who was it appealing to? Was it appealing to music nerds who were really into that technology? They liked the sound of the Moog, Paul. There's no explanation.

I liked the sound of the Moog. Yeah, but did my nan like the sound of moog albums back in the day maybe not did my dad it's weird because it's what they're saying is it's it's it's the juxtaposition it's the incongruity between it being the cutting edge technology and then really old music do you see what i mean like yeah yeah yeah i guess that's the that's the gimmick now country Moog takes a different slightly different tack and I would say a better tack

it's what happened because of Switched On Bach and the success of that yeah you had lots of Moog records where they go they're just

bandwagoning wagon jumping like what genre can we make Moog Switched On Beatles Beatles Moog you know Rolling Stones

yeah Disco Disco Moog anything anything and it arrived at country Moog, Rolling Stones, Disco. Disco, Moog, anything. Anything. And it arrived at Country Moog. I would love to hear a thrash metal Moog album. This, to me, this LP epitomises everything about Moog Records.

Novelty Moog Records. Yeah, Novelty Moog Records. Because Moog was being used in popular music at the time. In prog rock and funk. But it wasn't front and centre. It was just part of the arrangement. This is Novelty Moog. That is what you're right.

Novelty Moog records often have a picture of the Moog and you've got it here. And there's one that looks like a switchboard for a BT in the 60s. That is what a Moog mainly was. A lot of them didn't come with a keyboard. You had to get your own keyboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this has a little man. Made of wires. Really strange piece of sort of folk art isn't it it's like i bet that's in a bin right now just that yeah landfill somewhere weird weird it's like weird it's like one of those things you'd see in a charity shop it's made up of actually wires and like bits of electronic components yeah yeah transistors and and uh bulbs and tubes and things yeah weird so that it's certainly a striking image and i love the font i love the and bulbs and tubes and things. Yeah. Weird. It's certainly a striking image.

And I love the font. I love the font. That is that font, isn't it? That's that computer writing font. It has a name. It has a name. Logan's Run font or something. And the other great thing about this,

look at the picture of the guy. Oh, mate. He is pure Mr. I am a serial killer. He is like, I am the vicar's son and I learnt an evil instrument and now I'm disowned by my family but I'm going to fucking

rock out to Foggy Mountain Breakdown. He's got a turtleneck on and this is Gil Trithall. He looks a bit like a Harry Enfield character. Do you know what I mean? He's a music teacher.

It says he's a faculty member at Peabody School of Music. And one day, he went up to someone and went, Oi, I mean? He's a music teacher. It says he's a faculty member at Peabody School of Music. And one day he went up to someone and went, oi, I can do country music on the Moog. That's what it says

here. Native Tennessean, Gil combines his academic background with his feel for the Nashville sound. Oh. And he certainly does,

doesn't he, Paul? Shall we show the first track off this album, which I really like? Yeah, but we're also going to end with that one.

So this is a bit of Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Hold on to your pants. We're going to get moogie. Thank you. I don't know about you, but I could dance to that. It's just excellent. I want to have a little jug and go... It's proper Moog Meets Country, and it's just joyous. But the thing is, that face, that man, bless him.

I can't imagine him, like, you know, Rick Wakeman-ing it out. No, he's a music teacher, isn't he? I know, but like, that song's quite high energy. So can you imagine what he's like? No, he's like getting down. Or is he just like stone face, just doing it mechanically? Like, da-da-da-da-da-da. But it has an energy that I love in some of that, isn't it?

That jumpy energy and the silliness of the sound. And it's an example of using every trick in the book with what you got you know with that machine to make like you know he does the fake strings and the fake like uh violin bit and it's like a fiddle that fiddle sound is quite impressive isn't it quite impressive and another thing he does on this lp which i think you should play just a little bit of yeah go on go on. He does something which is like a voice. He tries to actually get the words. It's like a vocoder, isn't it?

It sounds like a vocoder, but I think it's just him synthesizing it. Maybe he spoke into a microphone, sampled it, and was like, I don't know if they had that. They didn't have that. That's a MIDI. No, I'm sure they did. I'm sure they did back then.

Anyway. In a very rudimentary sense. I'd like to know what people who listen think, how he makes that. So can we play a little bit of that now? What is this? False and Prison Blues. Oh, made famous by Johnny Cash.

Yeah. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl. So yeah, because your trick is tricking to thinking it's actual dialogue, but it's not. It is just that fake voice sound effect. It's quite weird, isn't it? Because it's that kind of, oh, you know when you see horror films in the 70s about killer robots,

and there's always that glassy, robot glassy kind of. Icy. Yeah, that's that voice for me, and it's creepy. But the piece de resistance on this, the reason why we've put this upon you is because the last track is a joy to behold. It's Yakety Moog. Based on the famous song Yakety Sax, which was known as the Benny Hill theme,

but it wasn't. It was one of those songs like a tell star or something. It was just a song. It was a hit, hit instrumental. Yeah. Not a huge hit, but it was a hit. But it was one of those songs that was just an instrumental hit at the time.

It was like, there's no lyrics to it It was just a weird Dancehall track And I think Because what kind of genre Is Yakety Sax in music It's sort of Rock and roll

R&B instrumental Sort of yeah Yeah It's like a Novelty rock instrumental I think you could say Remember that other one We played years ago

The Goose Yes Yeah whatever it's called Is it called The Goose Or something The Goose There's a song that's similar To Yakety Sax But it's about a goose Oh yeah Oh mate or something The Goose there's a song that's similar to Yakety Sax

but it's about a goose oh yeah oh mate that's going to blow the fuck out of me whatever's to its eggs right up its neck oh weird

but also that the Benny Hill theme the original Yakety yeah sax I think it was so sort of ubiquitous that people now

refer to sax that sounds like that as Yakety style sax yes do you see what I mean yeah yeah yeah you do so it's a certain sax sound refer to sax that sounds like that as yackety style sax. Yes. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. So it's a certain sax sound. It's an upbeat, short-sounding,

wacky saxophone noise. You know, because it does appear on other records, that kind of style of sax playing, doesn't it? But now it's forever associated with dirty old perverts chasing women around and sexually molesting them in public parks. Yeah. But it's all right,

because she slaps a bald man on the head. It makes everyone forget the problematic content that preceded it it's funny because it's like that music is so tied to that comedy idea the benny hill sped up chase music thing that it's even like because benny hill was huge in america but like even in america now yakety sax is still associated with benny hill it's lost all of its original popularity in terms of a dancehall track. It is the Benny Hill theme. Now it's the Benny Hill theme. So it's now intrinsically like a cheesy, creepy song now. It's a creepy song because of its association with Benny Hill.

Yeah. So we are now going to play Yakety Sax. And don't worry. It's Yakety Moog. Yakety Moog. We're going to play Yakety Moog now. And maybe imagine making sweet love as this music rings out for your speakers. do so I could fuck to that.

Yeah, it's... For me, I just love it. I fucking... I fuck to that with a metal bar in my mouth to really clench down on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I'm going to lay an egg. I'm going to get Don in. I'm going to get Don back in. I'm going to lay an egg. If you keep this up. I'm going to get Don back in. All right, well then, let's not do that.

Oh, well, I could get him. No, I'm going to... I enjoyed that, but Yakety Sax is almost impossible to enjoy really anymore as a track. Oh, because it's sullied for you, is it?

It's just, it always just creeps me out. But on the whole I think we can both agree on the whole it's an egg egg hole

please ball bearing arsehole egg hole done no no this segment's over now

that's a splatter that's a platter you still made me no we're all good I've decided to end this segment I'm sorry what's this about eggs

I got eggs I got this I got that I got I'm Don McNubbin you like it I got a case i'm on a case i'm don mcnubbin i've got a case eli tell me what you want me to do i'm on i'm a gumshoe

i'm on your i'm on your payroll what do you need me to do this is just not the same is it it's just not don mcnubbin same it's not the same i've got scones i've I've got scones. I've got this. I've got that. I've got this. I've got over there. I've got over there. Hey, Don, I just saw a ghost. Come on. There's a ghost right there on the TV screen. See, you can see me. It's pointing at me. I'm pointing at it and it's pointing at me. I'll get to the bottom of this if my name isn't Don McNubbin.

Come on, suck it. Suck this. Suck it. I don't know. Every time I see a ghost, I get... I suck something. Yeah. Come on. Well, it's been good to be on the show again, Dan McNubbin, and I'm off. Thank you, Eli. I don't know who this guy is. Come on. I wish he'd shut up. Everywhere I go, I see ghosts and suck dick.

That's a bit like Charity Shop Vampire. Paul Cannon's one of them ideas. Right, Dan McNubbin, on the way. I'm off again. Thanks, Eli, for the opportunity. He's Don McNubbin, on the way. I'm off again. Thanks, Eli, for the opportunity. He's on the way. He's off again. I'm off again. Thanks, Eli, for the opportunity. That's my pleasure, Don. It's like, it's good

to see some fresh blood around here, and I hope you have all sorts of adventures and come back. I will. I love you, Eli. Don McNubbin. Bye. I'm going. I'm. I love you, Eli. Dan McNubbin. Bye. I'm going. I'm really going.

There he goes. So, Paul, we have a lot to do with your characters. We need to work on characters next week, Paul, don't we? I saw a ghost

who sucked me off. No, not the ghost guy get sucked off. Paranormal Paul. That's my name. That's shit. Forget this segment's over. It's not over.

It is. It's over as of now. I wanted to say something. Quickly. Was it a platter? I said it's a platter for me, that. It's not over. It is. It's over as of now. I wanted to say something. Quickly. Was it a platter? That's what I was going to say. I said it's a platter for me, that. Love Moog.

Is it a platter or a splatter? It's a platter for me. You're just dragging the energy out of this. It's a real platter for me. I think that's great. I'm Don McNubbin. No, you're not Don McNubbin. I want to be Jimmy Biscuit.

No, you can't be. You blew him up. You blew him up. I shouldn't kill off the only characters I can do voices of. I know. I've got nothing left. Honestly, you've got nothing. I want to suck your cock.

Oh, come here, mate. You're a vampire, aren't you? This is going to work out fine. Thank you, everyone. Ladies and gentlemen, I've tied it up perfectly with two characters. Bye. Bye. Bye. Ladies and gentlemen.

No, I'm not going to allow you to sully this segment with yet another 30 to 40 seconds of mouth garbage. It won't be that long. It will. It feels longer. It won't be that long. It will. Well, it feels longer. It won't be that long. It feels long. All right. Well, then, go on, ladies and gentlemen.

It's time for another segment we like to call... Gallant's Golden Games. Right, good. So we're moving on. We've got a... I'm just going to save it up. Oh, no. You know what, then?

It will come out. That makes me fear. It will all come out. No. It will all come out in a big splurge. I don't want a splurge of Ganon's golden games all over me. I just don't. There was one thing I wanted to mention.

Yes. Ganon's golden Grahams. Right. Have you ever thought of that? It's not really past my memory, Banks. No. It has passed your memory. Fuck off.

It hasn't crossed my mind. It has passed your memory. Oh, fuck off. It hasn't crossed my mind. It hasn't crossed my mind. It's not even words now. It's not words. It's Ganon's Golden Games.

The part of the show where I bring to the show a board game. Well, usually that I find in a charity shop. That's it. But I like to find games based on TV brands and TV shows and game shows and all that kind of stuff. and TV shows and game shows and all that kind of stuff. Resist the need to punch him in his fucking nose. Burst it like a tomato on his head. Paul, today I'm looking forward, I'm hoping to win. I've got a creative, I mean a competitive spirit. What is Gang Games Today? Today, I was very lucky spirit. What is Gang Gang Games today?

Today, I was very lucky and found this on eBay. So this isn't a charity shop find, but I got this for four quid in reasonably good condition and it is every second counts. Oh! That's not the theme

tune to that. What is that theme tune though now? Because that's not the theme tune to that. What is that theme tune, though, now? Because that's not every second counts. No, that's Strike It Lucky. No, he's not. Right, so... I do not recall this game show from my life. It hasn't passed my memory banks, Paul.

Well, let me load it into your memory banks with some background information thank you so um we've talked about the magician on the show before named paul daniels right not a lot we did talk about that oh not a lot most people of their time in and like entertainment comedians magicians would get tv deals and would get you know a contract with so he was big as well i mean let's not on the british scene no paul daniels was huge yeah his magic show ran for what almost well definitely 10 years and didn't he play vegas as well i mean he did some stuff in america as well it's like for all the piss we take out of him he like he was a very wellpected magician on the world stage. He was a good magician.

You know, like, for instance, apparently he... No, I mean, people will and do go to bat for him who respect, you know, good magicians. His, um... I find it's his persona that I find problematic.

That whole, say yes, Uncle Paul. You know what I mean? I don't think it was yes, Uncle Paul. No, he did. He just says, yes, Paul. Say yes, Paul. No, say yes, Uncle Paul.

No, he never said yes, Uncle Paul. Siri, he did. He just said, yes, Paul. Say yes, Paul. No, say yes, Uncle Paul. No, he never said yes, Uncle Paul. Siri. Don't ask Siri, because first of all, that's a Google phone, so you're not going to get it to work. Hello. Hello, Google. Oh, God. Hello, Google. Oh, fucking come on.

Welcome to my world of pain. Come on. Listen, you don't need it. Take it off. We're not going to deal with it. No, it's not going to say. That's such a specific question. I don't think Google has the answer to it. Take it off. We're not going to deal with it. No, it's not going to say. That's such a specific question. I don't think Google has the answer to it.

Hello, Google. Did Paul Daniels ever say, say yes, Uncle Paul? This is not going to give you an answer. I'm telling you now. He's came back from a search. Right. What's it say?

Paul Daniels didn't know he was dying, says Daniels. Wow, okay. Well, okay Anyway So Paul Daniels was on contact with the BBC And he must have said, do you want to do a fucking quiz show And I think he went on to do another one called Wipeout Wipeout, I recall more

Yeah, and that was more of an early afternoon show This was a prime time weekday quiz Which you get less and less of These days, don't you They've all sort of migrated to the afternoon slot Yeah, the kind of tea time slot BBC 2

or ITV yeah Pointless Eggheads on ITV you've got The Chase Number Wang things like that Countdown I guess

has always been in that spot yes for as long as it's existed but yeah this was part of like the golden era of

80s game shows where like you had quote unquote big name comedians and celebrities presenting TV shows so obviously Bob Monkhouse

Bob's Full House, Bruce Forsyth in anything he did on TV. He did a lot. Generation Game. Generation Game. You know, he did a lot. The Golden Shot as well. Oh, no, that was also Bob Munkhouse, the Golden Shot. Golden Balls? No, Golden Balls was just for Carrot.

Yeah, that was later. Balls, Carrot, Shot, Bob. Yeah. Balls, Carrot, Shot, Bob. Balls, Carrot, Shot, Bob. Balls, Carrot, Balls, Carrot. Balls, Carrot, Shot, Bob. Oh, I like this. It's very colourful. Well, we'll explain, shot, Bob, balls, carrot, shot, Bob, balls, carrot, balls, carrot, balls, carrot, shot, Bob. Oh, I like this.

It's very colourful. Well, we'll explain it as we go. But basically, the TV show was general knowledge questions, but you didn't win pounds. You won time on the clock. And all that time that you won across the game was put into the final round where you had to clear as many questions as you could in a minute. And then you won pounds. And then you won the money jackpot, whatever it was. Okay.

So that was the kind of conceit behind the game. Okay, so it wasn't cash you had. You just had, oh, every second. You saved up a second. You saved a second and you could win. Kind of like a bullseye

to some extent. For instance, you could go for the big one. In the final, if you got through the first round, you won X prize. If you get through the second round, you'd win the holiday.

And then the third run, the final run in the final would be the big holiday or the car or whatever. So yeah, it was more built on winning time. That's sort of similar to family fortunes as well. The way that you earn seconds for the final. No, you don't do that.

No, you don't. You'll think of Crystal Maze where you win crystals to go into the final thing. It's cannonball. Yeah, we've done Crystal Maze on the show before. Listen back to the one with Ken Reid if you're interested. Nice, plastic, sturdy, robust

playset here you get with this game, Paul. I'll say that now. I do like it because fundamentally the game is nothing really but questions. But what they've done is, because in the TV show, the number of seconds you build up is a bit more in flux, whereas in the board game they've kind of just given it segments. So rather than win two seconds and ten you're winning four eight fourteen

twenty forty five sixty yeah so they've kind of segmented how you build time up in this version of the game don't look at me like i'm gonna fuck this up i've been reading the guide i like all your time metaphors no it's segmented the time you build up in my memory banks it's not past my memory banks in my memory banks no robot voices oh don't give

two monkeys tiddly bits you know Don McNubbin left you know he's gone to pick up a rendroid a rendroid 3000

oh go on John Cunninghall and all the other characters we just listened by the way to John Cunninghall most popular

sixth most popular he gets 30 seconds of airtime, if that. And he was basically just a Dutch DJ. Before, yeah. I'm John Cunninghall, yes. I'm John Cunninghall. Come on, should we bring him back? No, he's not here.

He's not here yet. He can be. In the hotel of your mouth, he could pop out. In the hotel of my mouth? Yeah, he could pop out of the hotel of your mouth. All the minibars are empty. Yeah, you just... No, in the minibar of your mouth. No, in the hotel of the minibar of my mouth. Yeah, he could pop out of the hotel of your mouth. All the minibars are empty. Yeah, you just... No, in the minibar of your mouth.

No, in the hotel of the minibar of your mouth. In the egg. Infinite egg. In the infinite egg. Right, so, we are going to play... One day... One day, I am going to inflict pain upon you. What about this?

It's Ganon's golden grahams. Enjoy these. Because that's not funny. You brought it up because you thought that would be a funny thing to mention, but it died on the vine. No, how can you have golden grahams growing from vines? It's a metaphysical tree growing metaphorical cereal. Wow. It's in the time bank growing metaphorical cereal. Wow.

It's in the time bank. Yeah, in the time memory bank. Explain the rules, Paul, if you will. So there are seven rounds in all to try and build up at least 60 seconds on your clock, right? That's the maximum time you're looking to get before you go into the final round. So if you've got 60, you've got the most you could get. The first three rounds, I think, the first four rounds are true or false in one in three. And every time you get a question right,

you go up one segment. Four seconds, eight, 14, 20, 35, 45, right? Then the next three are entertainment, general knowledge, geography and history. And it's a slightly different format in terms of the questions and answers, right? And then you've got the final round we'll get into that when we get into that but basically by the time we get to the final round

you'll know how many seconds you have one by answering questions what's this thing well that's uh that thing that you're looking at we're going to show to the camera that i'm showing to the camera now that's for the final round because you see there are seven little arrows little golden lights i see them in the first round you've got to answer five questions then you're gonna answer six questions then you're gonna answer seven that's the three first round, you've got to answer five questions. Then you've got to answer six questions. Then you've got to answer seven. That's the three rounds, the final. But you've only got 60 seconds, potentially, to answer all of them in. I'm ready. So, you know what I mean?

I'm ready for a game. We're getting to it. Golden shower. So, ladies and gentlemen, roll the titles. It's Every Second Counts. No, it's not that. It's Every Second Counts theme. Da-da-da-da-da. And here's your host for Every Second Counts, Paul Daniels.

Oh, yes. I'm Mickey Mouse, Paul Daniels. Oh, not a lot. And we're going to play. Oh, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Charlie says. Oh, come on, mate. What? You're just letting your mouth run around. That's rich coming from you. I'm going to let...

I can hear that. Don't let me mouth run around, Eli. Look, it's running. Don't, don't, don't. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't let me mouth for a round Eli Look it's running Don't He's done the mouth noise I can't do it because I'm smiling Come on So we can play this Because we can ask each other questions So we can be competitive in this But I'll go first to begin the round

So you know what's going on So the first round is true or false true or false right we're going to do this four times four rounds four questions each right and every question you get right so you can win seconds i ask you a question first i'll ask you a question first you're going to be blue okay and i'm going to be green on this grid it's going to show that to the camera right looks like a little bit like a snooker uh triangle doesn't it with uh it does uh with uh eight divots if you have very small shot glasses you could have all the little shots as i say it's all plastic molded because there's not much to it but questions but they've

given you a nice visually it's all right and a clock you get a timer for the end timer so it's like an egg timer with a bell but yeah it's there it's there so here we go first round true or false eli here's your first question now there's a load of these so you can just pick anyone you want okay once you've asked one question put it to the bottom of the pack right so true or false indian ink comes from china true or false you got two options true or false does ind... False. Indian ink came from China? False. It is true. Fuck off. I hate this already.

So no time for you. This is stupid. Right, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. It's the common tactic of Eli to say everything's shit when he's losing. I'm just looking through these. Yeah, no, you take your fucking time, mate. Hmm. Come on!

True or false? I know that bit! True or false, Paul? True or false. True or false I know that bit True or false Paul True or false True or false yes A morello Yeah A morello Morello

Yeah Is a pear True or false False Fuck off Four seconds On me cock You cheated

On me cock Right put it to the bottom We can see on the thing You glance Right, put it to the bottom. We can see on the thing, you glance down at the card. No, stick it on the bottom. Right, next one. True or false for Eli? Question two of four. Right.

A Barbican was a castle. True or false? True. Oh, you're right! Aye, four seconds. Four seconds on the clock for you. I'm going to move him up there. Not a lot.

In the wheel, Debbie, you're going to get not a lot. Love that guy. Right. You asked me a question. Ah. True or false? True or false, yeah. This is question two of four.

Here we go. True or false, Paul? Right. A talbot. A talbot. Is a type of sheep. That is false. It is.

Yay. Eight seconds. What is a talbot? I thought it was a fish. That's a turbot. Well, there you go. Would have been wrong if you'd said, is it a fish? Right. What is a talbot, I wonder? I thought it was a fish. That's a turbot. Well, there you go. Would have been wrong if you'd said, is it a fish? Right, question three for Eli out of four.

Here we go. True or false? A female badger is called a sow. True or false? True or false, ladies and gentlemen? A female badger is called a sow. Oh, I don't know what he's going to do. True.

It is true, Mr. Silverman. You can go up to eight seconds. Here we go. Right. This is my third question now for Mr. Silverman. I'll just take a card out. Here we go. Congratulations on how you're doing so far.

I'm enjoying it considerably. We're doing very well. Level pegging. We're pegging each other well. We're pegging each other. And I'll be fisting you. Air docking. Air docking. Air docking, yeah.

Air docking. Go on. Okay. Christ. Come on. Marlowe. Yes. Poor Marlowe.

Marlowe wrote Edward II Oh True True Yeah 14 seconds for Mr Gannon Stick it down there I'll take a top card off

This is my last True or false? This is your last True or false Hit me with it Right Come on Right

Okay Here we go Mardi Gras Means fat Tuesday In French True or false? True True Congratulations Right, okay. Ah, yeah. Here we go. Mardi Gras means Fat Tuesday in French. True or false? True. True.

Congratulations. That gives you 14 seconds. No, there. Why don't you know that? It's simple. It's even written on it where to put it. This tactic comes out, does it? Is it my last question now?

Yeah, it is. Is it? Yeah. All right, this is your chance to cement the lead. Yeah, here we go. Cement it with your... Come on, Mr. Silverman. Sp, it is. Is it? Yeah. Alright, this is your chance to cement the lead. Yeah, here we go. Cement it with your... Come on, Mr. Silverman. Spodge, George. Spodge to George. George is a spodgy.

Come on, I'm doing this. Oh, George is a spodgy. Come on. Fuck you're annoying. You really are annoying. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on. Polo balls are made from willow True or false?

False True Oh, so at the end of that It means we both have won 14 seconds each Strike it rich Right, now on to the next three rounds Which are one in three, right? Slightly different this

So what? So with these questions What's going to happen is I'm going to give you a question. Only one of them out of the three is right, okay? Spot the right answer, yeah. Okay, cool. Give it to me. In bingo, what is the Brighton line? Is it 29, 39, or 59?

In bingo, what is the Brighton line? Oh, fun. 59. Is correct. Bong, you go up to 20. Hello. I intuited it. Here we go.

My question now. Here is a question for you, Paul. The first of your one in three style questions. As what was Inigo Jones, Inigo Jones. Right. Famous. One, architect. Two, gardener. was Inigo Jones Inigo Jones Right. famous? One, architect. Two, gardener.

Three, painter. Uh, I don't know. What was Inigo Jones famous for being? As what was he famous for being? I'm going to say architect. Yeah.

20 seconds on the clock. He designed the roof of the National Gallery, didn't he? Oh, I did not know that. And Covent Garden, I believe, is an ego giant.

Okay, so this is the second question of three. My second, yeah. Yeah, your second three and mine question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does the word lager mean? Does it mean

stored, beer, or cellar? What does the word lager mean? Stored, beer, or cellar?

That's good, isn't it? Yeah. Makes you think, done it! Now, I'll tell you a bit of my reasoning here. Why don't you?

We've got all the time in the fucking world to hear your ponderous musings. Lager is cold brewed. Right. That was the breakthrough. They cold brew it. Okay.

So, larders are cold. Right. What was the other two answers? Beer. I don't think it's beer. So, you've got stored, beer, cellar

Stored No, I think it's cellar Cellar So you say cellar The answer is stored Shit I didn't know that log even meant anything Yeah

There you go So, Eli, my second of three questions Are you ready? Yes Where do Yes Where do Where do Where do where do mmm the

dyack people live right where do poor where do we die where do we do the dyack people live where do the dyack people live yeah one is it Brazil to Burma I think it's got a different name these days, doesn't it? Or Borneo? Where? Yeah. Paul, where? Mate, you take so long to fucking do it that I forget the question.

Just read it out. I forgot where I was. Read it out simply. Where, Paul? Yes. Where? I know! Please just get to the other words in that sentence.

Where do? Where do, Paul? Oh, my God. Take a beat and then just read it all in one go Where do the dark people live One Brazil Two Burma Three Borneo

Borneo Yes Excellent I knew it was the way I said it Wasn't it Now is this your second of these being answered Have you answered two of these already I've answered two

Yes and I've just done two So now it's the third round It's the third round Now what makes this one different Just this one round You've sprung this on me Is that if you get it right You go up one space as you normally would answered two. Yes, and I've just done two. So now it's the third round. It's the third round. Now, what makes this one different, just this one round, is that if you get it right, you go up one space as you normally would.

If you get it wrong, you go back one. That's only on this one next question. All right, so here we go. Eli. It's an important question for me, Paul.

Right. Where? Where do? Come on, mate. Hit me with it. How many funnels does the QE2 have? One, two or three? How many funnels does the QE2 have?

Three. One, two or three? Three. The answer is one. Fuck. 14 seconds. Right. So you ask me a question now, Mr. Silverman.

I hope you get this wrong, Paul. I honestly do. Because I'm currently on 30 seconds and you're on 14. Right. Paul. Yes. Where? Where? Where? God almighty. Where? Yes. Would you find? Where would you find, Paul?

Oh my God. This is actually painful to experience. Okay, sorry. Where would you find a pastern? Right. One, in a kitchen. Two, on a horse. Right. Three, on armor.

A what? Our armor. Armor? On armor. A-R-M-O-R. On armor. What's wrong with you? Why don't you understand me?

Maybe it's because your chicken fillet lips face can't fucking say words. My chicken fillet lips. Can't say say words. My chicken fillet lips. Can't say words. Without fumbling into the fact. Pass it by the time banks, big boy. Shut up. Where? Right, the answer's kitchen.

No. What is it? On a horse. Oh, well, there we go. So at the end of that. We didn't manage. 20 seconds, 14 seconds. We didn't get anything.

I thought we might have given ourselves a boost. Come on. Right, we're going into the final round now. Okay, so the final round is, there are three categories. Entertainment, general knowledge, geography and history. Here's what's going to happen. There are three rounds you've got to get through. It's entertainment and sports.

Yeah, that's the trouble. That's a strange mix. Jigmees would call it general knowledge. I think we'll go for general knowledge. No, you have to do all three. Oh. But you can do it in any order. So basically, the first round round is you have got to get

five questions right in the time allotted yeah and then if you get through those five then you have to get six right in whatever time

you've got left and then you have to do seven right in whatever time you've got left it's quick fire it's quick fire you have to ask them

quick right right who's going to go to the so each round five six and seven is a category

so you can pick whatever category you want to start for the first round so you want to do general entertainment and sports get them down pick whatever category you want to start for the first round. So you want to do general entertainment and sports, get them down quick, or do you want to do, and we're going to do this by whoever's

taken out the most lights at the end. Oh, but all the questions are all on one of those. You have to answer all of them on... Five questions on entertainment, then six questions on general knowledge, then seven on geography and history, if that's the order you decide to do it in. Yeah, okay.

So here's how we're going to judge. I can choose the order. Yeah, so here's how we're going to judge this. At the end of our finals, this round now, whoever's taken out the most lights wins. Okay.

Okay? So theoretically, the most you can turn out is... 18. 18. That's the top score, 18. Okay.

All right. Are you ready? Do you want to go first? I'm ready, I'll go. So here's the timer. I'm going to set it to 20 seconds... 14 seconds.

Is that all? Oh, no. Right. That's just over 14 seconds. Okay? What category do you want. Right. That's just over 14 seconds. Okay. What category do you want to go for first? Geography and history. Geography and history.

History and geography. So here's how this works, right? How many questions you got on that card? Here's how this works. This category is famous men. I'm going to read out a bunch of names, and you've got to tell me if the answer to that name, the person is a soldier, a sailor, or a cleric.

Right? So if I said Pope, you'd say cleric, right? You ready? Yeah. We're going to try and... You have to knock each one down as you go. I'll knock them down as I go, yeah. Here we go.

I'm going to move this out of the way here. Flick them over. You've got 14 seconds to get as many as you can. Well, I only have to get five, and then you stop the clock, right? Yeah, you only have to get five. Yeah. Right, ready? When you're ready, say...

What are the categories? Cleric? Soldier, Sailor, Cleric. That's it. That's it. Okay, Soldier, Sailor, Cleric. Soldier, Sailor, Cleric. Got it. Tell me when you want me to go. Go. Kitchener. Soldier. Yes. Collingwood. Soldier.

No. Sir Richard Grenville. Sailor. Yes. John Churchill. Cleric. Soldier. No. Sir Richard Grenville. Sailor. Yes. John Churchill. Cleric. Cramner. Cleric.

Yes. Those two are both right. Sir Thomas Moore. Cleric. Yes. Stop the clock. Oh, that took you 10 seconds. Cool.

I've got 10 seconds left. So you've got five down. Now we'll go up to six. Yeah. And you've got to put six down. As many as you can in six seconds, but what category do you want to do it in? Well, I'm not going to get any more time, am I? I'm not going to have another go after this. Just get as many as you can in six.

I want entertainment. No. Because I'm thinking of entertainment. If it's a sport question. Well, let me tell you, this isn't a sport question. Oh, I'll go for that. Oh, no, it is actually. Fuck, sorry.

Let me find you an entertainment question, yeah? That's a bit cheaty, isn't it? Why don't I just do general knowledge? Do you want to do general knowledge? Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, no, it is actually. Fuck, sorry. Let me find you an entertainment question, yeah? That's a bit cheaty, isn't it? Why don't I just do general knowledge? Do you want to do general knowledge? Yeah, that's what I mean. Okay, general knowledge then. First card I pull out. Authors.

All right. All right? All right. I'm going to give you a name, and you have to tell me if that name wrote a thriller, science fiction, or children's book. Okay. Okay?

Seven. You've got six lights on the board. I'm going to do this. And you've got about five seconds left, judging by this ropey clock. So science fiction, children's or thriller? Thriller. Sci-fi kids. Yeah.

All right. Tell me when you want me to start. Go. I was them off. Sci-fi. Yes. Roger Hargreaves. Thriller.

Yes. Desmond Bagley. Thriller. Yes. Arthur C. Clarke. Sci-fi. Yes. Oh, that's it

So you got ten in all You said Roger Hargreaves What did you say for Roger Hargreaves? Thriller Yeah it was children So put one back up That was my mistake Oh fuck off

Yeah So you got nine Hargreaves is Mr Men Mr Men yeah So you got nine Nine in total In all Not too bad

Not too bad Now come on Now I have Twenty seconds You've got more seconds You've got more seconds Than me to start with Didn't you? Yeah Pass the timer over Paul in total. In all. Not too bad. Not too bad. Now, come on. Now, I have 20 seconds. You've got more seconds than me to start with, didn't you? Yeah. Pass the timer over, Paul. I just want to say to you, good luck. I'm just going to put a little over 20 seconds on this.

Because I gave you a little over 14 by a considerable margin. I know. Thank you. This is fun, isn't it? I like this. So, stop and start button's all you need to worry about. I'm going to go. Let's move these triangles out of the way. We don't need them no more. We've dealt move these triangles out of the way yeah we don't really know more we've dealt with the triangle time keeping no more here we go so I'm gonna go with general

knowledge flicking finger ready yeah I'm gonna go with general knowledge first to see if I can clear the five okay so you're gonna that was some knowledge yeah oh it's exciting okay Paul are you ready yeah tell me when you want us what's the quote no tell me the question The category and everything Before you set the timer off Otherwise I am fucked It's going to take you 30 seconds to read it out

Paul Yes Where Where Now this is A question set Entitled In an English country garden

Right And that's where What do you do In an English country garden Wank No No you pull down your pants And exterminate Exterminate the ants Ex pull down your pants and exterminate the ants.

Exterminate the ants. Sex up a bee and then you do a little wee. In an English country garden. Bees. Jump in the pool and fill it full of gruel. In an English country garden. Are you ready? Get a vicar on his knees.

Give him what he wants to please. Blowing off a vicar on his knees, give him what he wants to please an English country garden. He's gone to blowing off a vicar. Take the bishop by his knob, pull it till it really throbs. Then you take a mouthful of the bishop's gruel. What do you do when you want to have a poo

in an English country garden? I insist that you cease. Cease that. Alright, I'll stop. So it's pull down your pants and exterminate the ants

in an English country garden. Now the first question I can't read because it says what do you do when you pull down your pants?

Right, okay. And you said suffocate so you would have got that wrong because it's exterminating. So what is it? The round one? What is this rambling fucking... What type of plants are the following?

You've got three answers, possible answers. These could be trees, shrubs. Oh, this is really going to be fucking hard. Or flowers, Paul, yes. Trees, shrubs. Or flowers. Flowers. Okay, and I'm just going to go through them

and you are trying to get five in a row for this first bit, yeah? All right, five, yeah. Now you tell me when to start go er don't fucking go

er now wait two seconds and then press it before I turn it up again it's fine sorry there's a lot of

pressure on the games master there's no pressure you're just fucking Paul Daniels was a talented magician he could do things with lots of

different fingers don't press it until I say ok like trees shrubs flowers yeah right good go clematis magician he could do things with lots of different fingers don't press until i say okay right trees shrubs flowers yeah right good go clematis flower no go on next cyprus tree yes go on labella tree no gladioli flower yes hydrangea flower no shrub poplar flower no next rowan shrub no Flower No Shrub Pass Poplar Flower No Next

Rowan Shrub No Marigold Flower Yes Magnolia Flower

Yes Stop You cheated your arse off there I didn't cheat I was just shouting things out How much time have I got left? Almost nothing Stop turning it up.

I turned it up for you twice. Oh, fuck off. Right. So I've got to get six now. Shit, I'm sorry. The flower question came out and you did very poorly on that. I did do very poorly on that, but you wouldn't have done much better. I fucking would.

Do it. Do the whole question for me. All right. Yeah. Rowan. Tree. Marigold. Flower.

Magnolia. Flower. No. Azalea. Tree. No. Fuck off. They'reold. Flower. Magnolia. Flower. No. Azalea. Tree. No. Fuck off. They're both shrubs.

There, you're a shrub. Juniper. I don't want no shrubs. Shrub. I don't want no shrub. A shrub is a bush that can't get no love from me. It's a plant. Josh it on and down it is.

I don't know. Josh it off a bishop. I'm going to try and get Four in the next However long I've got left On the clock Alright And I'm going to go with

Entertainment and sport And I bet it's a fucking sport No we're going to You did that You did me that I did you do you that So I'm going to pick you An entertainment one

Right okay good Thank you Ah This should be a good one Yeah you got one Songs Oh songs Alright okay

Who sang the following Could be Right Who would be the most The most typical Of all the rock canon Songs. Oh, songs. All right, okay. Who sang the following? Could be. Right. Who would be the most typical of all the rock canon? Like Michael Jackson? No, come on. Beatles? Yeah, one.

Stones or Kings? No. Who's big? Beach Boys. Who's big? Rock and roll or King? Elvis. Yes, Elvis, Beatles.

Elvis, Beatles or Stones? Elvis, Beatles, Stones. All right, and they're song titles. Here we go. How many do you have to get over? I have to get four at least to tie. Yeah. Are you ready?

Go. Honky Tonk Woman. Stones. Yes. Day Tripper. Beatles. Yes. In the Ghetto.

Elvis. Yes. Brown Sugar. Stones. Yes. It's over. That's exactly four. What do you want to do?

We've got to pay the tiebreaker, don't we? Remember? What's the tiebreaker? We keep asking each other questions until one of us gets one wrong. Oh, yeah. Remember? It was in the rules. Round one. I don't know. What does it say in the rules?

How about then? It's like sudden death. So I ask you a question, you get it right, I have to get my one right. Do you see what I mean? Or if you get it wrong and I get it right, you know, sudden death.

It's like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it doesn't actually have a contingency for if everyone's got the same score at the end. Should we just call it a draw? Do you want to call it a draw?

I could call it a draw. Or do you want to have a win? I don't mind. I want to win. All right, let's do it then. I want to win. It's sudden death. True or false sudden death, yeah?

All right, true or false sudden death. Okay, you ready? I'll tell you what, draw a card each, and we just read every one off that card. It has to be that card. Yeah. Unless we've had it earlier today. Yeah.

Which it might, because I'm shocked. All right, this is what we're doing. We're going down to brass tacks. It's a penalty shootout. Here, I'm fanning the cards in a similar to way that Paul Daniels might when he was doing a magic trick. Not a lot.

Right, I've got my card. Yeah. Yeah. Right, cool. So who do we want? You go first, so I have to read the question because it's always been you go first,

then me. So here we go. True or false? The chemical symbol for silver is HG. True. It's false. Fuck. I win.

No, you don't. No, you don't win. You have to get this right. Okay. Bournemouth is in Hampshire. It's false. Yeah. I win.

You win. Hey. Every second counts. Did it I win! You win. Hey! Every second counts! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- countdown thing. It could be distracting at Christmas for a day and a half. If you want to bring the joy of every second counts home, if that's your favourite quiz show of the 80s,

then there you go. Perfect board game, isn't it? It's perfect for you, for all the family. And I've had fun because I've won and Eli, as I

presumed, lost deeply and embarrassingly. I didn't lose deeply. I've never known such a big failure. I've never seen such a big... I'm not going to take this. Yes, I'm John Cunningham. I didn't lose deeply. I've never known such a big failure. I've never seen such a big...

I'm not going to take this. Yes, I'm John Cunney Hall. I'm having that character. You're not having that character. You're John Cunney Hall. Paul, I am John. It's all he did. It's all he did.

I am John Cunney Hall. I am John Cunney Hall. I am John Cunney Hall. I'm John Cunney Hall. I am John Cunney Hall. May the real Jim stand Cunney Hall. May the real stand Jim Cunney Hall. John Cunningholt. I am John Cunningholt. May the real Jim stand Cunningholt. May the real Jim stand Cunningholt. John Cunningholt, please stand up.

First person to stand up is a wanker. Aha, you win. I lost. What? My brain's gone. Totally has. Paul, let's wrap up this segment, and then we're going to say goodbye to everybody.

That's been a Gann's Golden Game this week. Bye. this segment then we're going to say goodbye to everybody that's been a Gann's Gone Games this week bye ladies and gentlemen if you'd like to support us on the Patreon page we have for our podcast you can go to

patreon.com forward slash cheap show and give what you can and if you get exactly the right amount you get hot frottage hot oil frotto

that's right Eli will come to your house unbeknownst to you. Like a mad Freddo frog bumping down the lane. There he goes. There he goes. Pumping along down the lane. Eli's massive verbal fishing adventures off for another fucking session.

He's frotto the frog. He's frotto the frog. He casts his net into the garbage land. It's a hot oil frotto. Of words. It's a hot oil frotto. And dregs up whatever stupid collection of vowels,

consonants, assonance and whatever it needs, syntax needed to say words that he thinks are mused, but ultimately are tiresome blobbits. I don't know what blobbits are. You do not know what blobbits are.

I've got Eli's syndrome. Anyway, we very much appreciate any support you can give us on Patreon. Thank you very much. That's how we got this vintage board game. It all helps pay for the website and the upkeep and, you know, debt management.

Right, so what else do we do? Nothing. Email us, thecheapshowatgmail.com about anything you like really a Tales from the Dance Floor Tales from the Shop Floor and Observation will they be able to see

photos of the LPs that we covered and also this board game on our website where is that that is thecheapshow.co.uk where you can see pictures that accompany this episode

what else on social media we're on Facebook and Instagram and Tumblr and all that kind of stuff but you can also find us on Twitter at thecheapshowpod

I'm at Paul Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon Show. Eli is... Eli Snow, D-L-I-S-N-O-I-D is the spelling. And that's it. We're going to keep things nice and chill between now and episode 200. Which is going to be a big deal, baby. It's going to be a big deal, baby. And we're going to give you facts as they emerge over the coming weeks.

But basically, clear your diary early October, Friday night. We're going to pick a date and we're going to do a live recording on Twitch and other wacky things. Right, and that's it then for Cheap Show this week. See you again next week. We love you loads. Thank you. Take care, everyone.

Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye-bye, everyone. Goodbye. Hello, bye-bye. Bye-bye, everyone. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. everyone goodbye goodbye