CheapShow - Ep 200: The Live One... On Twitch!

Episode Date: October 16, 2020

It's been over 5 years and close to 2 Million downloads, but we have finally reached episode 200... Somehow! To celebrate (and because we could not, sadly, do a proper live show) Paul and Eli decided to do an epic podcast recording, live on Twitch. Featuring most, but probably not all, of your favourite segments. The cheap chaps sing you a song, show you some sauce, take you on an audio adventure in your mind, play a VERY special edition of The Price of Shite with special guest Mr. Biffo and Ashens, give you yet more noodle pimping goodness and podcast annoyance Ash Frith definitely doesn't appear in this show. At All. As it always goes, it ends in tragedy. But how? Well, why not find out and listen to episode 200 of CheapShow! Paul & Eli are wearing t-shirts in this episode designed by CheapShow artist @vorratony. If you want to get your hands on more of his work, please visit: https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow-tony/shop And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-200-the-live-one-on-twitch If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid with @ashfrith @mrbiffo @ashens Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. This is Paul Gannon speaking, introducing episode 200 from my hospital bed. You may be wondering why I'm in a hospital bed, ladies and gentlemen. You're about to find out. I'm in hospital with Eli. Say hello, Eli. Hello. It's nice and fluffy, this bed, isn't it? It's comfier than the House of Pickles, this. I can get used to this, Paul.

I can get used to this. They bring you meals. That nurse has got a great arse. What? The male nurse? I don't distinguish. Fair enough. No, no, it? I don't distinguish. Fair enough. Matron, whatever she's called. Love it. I'm sorry, you and I carry on hospital. I'm not aware of.

That's what I'm doing to pass the time, Paul. I'm imagining... They did a good job stitching your arm back on, though, didn't they? Yeah, I was going to mention that. So, over the course of episode 200, you're going to find out how Eli and I ended up here.

And I lost an arm. Yeah, I got a mild concussion, so I was lucky, I guess. Yeah, you banged your head running out of the building. I lost an arm and a bollock. I'm now one egg less. Did they find your pod?

No, a dog ran off with it. Oh, it's always dogs eating you. Oh, close to the road, this hospital, isn't it? Ah, all right. All right, Paul. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Look, do you want me to...

Do you want me to... You know what they've given me as well? One of these morphine... Why don't they give you one of these? Why haven't they given me one? I think they gave it to the wrong person. It's bloody great. I'm going to give it the beans. Ooh!

I'm in so much pain. Listen... I've got a self-administering morphine pump in my arse. Love it. When's Matron coming? What about a morphine pou poultice would that suit you if it could be applicable yes I'd slap it

right up the perennium yes Paul go on don't move let's just play the episode because let me just settle so you're about to see episode 200 you're about to listen to episode 200, which you could have seen live on Twitch,

the video of which is up on our website and on YouTube if you want to see. Hello, Nancy! Shut up. Hello! So this is a slightly edited edition of what people saw live on Twitch. I need a bed wash. Because some more visual bits don't work in a... Come and give me a wanky bed wash.

...audios format. Do you know what, Paul? I've told him that I got a bit of a knock on the head, so if I come out with anything inappropriate, it's just because of the injury. Wank me off, nursey! I'll tell you what. If Matron comes over, puts the big arse on me,

I'd do something about it. OK, well, you enjoy your morphine. Oh, man. Perfect. And I'm not going to move too much. Do you think you should ask him? Paul, to get some morphine for your arm. Your arm's been off, mate.

And you've got one pod. You've got an empty pod sack down there. Is that what's happened? Paul, play the episode. I'm getting nervous. I've got no pod. Paul, play the episode. Oh. Can I get nursing? I've got no pod. Right, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado,

here is episode 200. Join us afterwards for a little wrap-up. Enjoy. Come on, old nursery. I'll show you what I've got under the covers. Fucking morphine. Nursie, I'll show you what I've got under the covers. Fucking Morpheus. Laugh me a laugh, grin me a grin. And then I know that we can win. Dance me a dance, joke me a joke.

And blow the clouds away. You gotta sing me a song, sing a song, and we can help push life along. Come on, mate. Just you and me. Come on and sing. Together we'll be okay. The words are right there. Open the door, open your heart And then we've got somewhere to start Just turn around, look what we've found Today's a brand new day You gotta run with me now I'll show you how The world is waiting, take a bow

Show them it's you, what you can do Together we two can win Take it Eli! Rock on Tommy, dance to a tune That this guitar sings Almost Rock on Tommy, you can't just get up and spread your wings Your fanny wings! Into the sun, and we could smile at everyone

You've got to join in with me Then we are free It is hard to do I said that life is a song To just sing along And you can know we can go wrong Just you and me Come on and see

Together we'll be okay No, we can't go wrong. Is this your favourite bit? Just you and me, come on and see. Together we'll be okay. Together we'll be okay. Together we'll be okay. Together we'll be okay. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show 200 Mr Biffo run the entry sequence No credits I hate you and your fucking noodle posse

you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of cheap show. You're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show It's the price of shite Paul Gannon

Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show And I go and I nuzzle Are we on? We're on Hello, welcome to Cheap Show 200 Recorded live on Twitch on the 9th of October 2020 Friday

Hello Mr Silverman It's 20 o'clock It's 20 o'clock It's 20 o'clock, that's what you wanted to say It's 20 o'clock. That's what you wanted to say. It's 20 o'clock. Tinkety-tonk. He's been drinking. Everyone's been drinking.

It's a party time. We're having a party and you're invited to episode 200. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Yeah. Now, when we start, now you're interested in me. You were saying... Do you mean now you're interested in me. You were just, you were saying. I'm never interested in you.

You were saying, you were like, I don't give a shit about how you look. That's what you were saying. Yeah, that's fair enough. That's what you said five minutes ago. I'm not going to fucking take it from you, Paul. Oh, right. I'm not going to do, I'm not great at small talk at the best of times. Considering your size, I find that quite amusing.

Fuck me. Because you have small talk. I see you're going to go with the Cannonball level of jokes for the whole of tonight. Rock on, Tommy! Fuck off, Cannon! Ah, suck a big dick. Right, so, welcome to the show. It's a

packed show, and behind the doors. No, behind the computer. Behind the computer. The camera. Is Mr Biffo. Shout hello. I did not say. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Oh, we've got a packed show for you today. Someone's calling you. That's not very professional, is it? It's Ash. Oh. What did you tell him? I told him. What did you tell him? Hang told him... What did you tell him?

Hang on. Hang on. Hello? Hello. What do you want? Well, I've been watching the show. Yeah. We've only been doing two minutes of it.

Yeah, you said everyone's invited. Yeah. It just felt a bit like, you know, I hadn't been. I saw at the beginning as well, it said not featuring Ash Frith. Yeah, but that's because you didn't want to be on it. Well, that's what he said to me, Ash. That's all I'm saying. He said that you were very uninterested in being on.

That's all. That's poppycock, mate. Right. I'm sorry, then. Look, we knew with the lockdown and the virus and you're travelling, we just didn't want... Yeah, it's difficult. I guess Biffo couldn't make it.

Yeah, but he's nearby and we needed his camera. Yeah, well, maybe we're all nearby. Anyway... Well, look, mate, maybe next time. You know, like episode 250? Maybe next time. You always maybe next time, isn't it? Always maybe next time.

He's meant to be doing something funny. The set is not great in here, so... He's meant to be doing something funny or something. That didn't sound funny. It didn't... What was he doing? It doesn't matter. He's not involved in the show.

Anyway... But that fucking song and now this, I'm just not in the mood, Paul. You're never in the mood. You're fucking...'s not involved in the show. Anyway. But that fucking song and now this. I'm just not in the mood, Paul. You're never in the mood. What makes you in the mood? I've got flowers. Flowers make you in the mood? What kind of flowers?

Mood for something. Orchids. Orchids? What do orchids do to you? Stink. I'm not going to do it. Did you say spoff? Say it.

Now's the time. I like flowers. It's a matter of calm. I was going to say vag. Vag? Yes. You were going to do it. Did you say spoff? Say it. Now's the time. I like flowers that smell of cum. I was going to say vag. Vag? Yes. You were going to say they smell of vag? Some flowers do.

Name me a bunch of flowers that smell of vag. The London vag hedge. The London vag hedge? You know, you've been walking along in London. Have I? I've been fucking hell. Look at that vag hedge. What does a vag hedge look like?

A cloud of vaj. Just green, a nondescript sort of white small flowers. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. Do you know what he's talking about? Have you seen a vaj hedge? Have you? We'd love to know. What's coming up on the show then, Paul?

Coming up on the show today, we have a very special price of shite. Ooh. Because Mr. Stuart Ashen has sent us a bespoke price of shite himself, and you'll be getting his items. Well, not me. You and Mr. Biffo will be. Okay. So it'll be head-to-head. It's exciting.

I'm hoping to get more than one per swing. Also, what else? Oh, we've got actually, this is exclusive, we've got an exclusive clip from Ashen's and the Polybius heist. Sorry. Paul still hasn't gotten over not being cast in it, have you? I've got this tickle in my throat. It won't go.

Yeah, you've got a little pain in the neck about that one, haven't you? So we have a little, we have an exclusive. That was well Freudian is what I'm trying to say, everyone. We have a little clip of a- He choked. Paul choked on that very word. Very exclusive Polybius heist clip coming up. Stop drinking.

It's not the drinking. It's the tickle in my throat. Stop trying to drink and talk at the same time is what I'm saying. Did you see me drinking and talking at the same time? Right. We've got that. And what else is there? We've got a Gannon's Golden Games.

That's exciting. We're going to be playing a game that Stuart Ashen's played a few years, well, months ago, a year ago, a long time ago. But I've got new jelly beans. New ones? Now, you know Double Dez? Double Dez are the range of jelly beans. Some are nasty tasting, some are nice.

And they come in pairs, if anyone doesn't know. I come in pairs. Or bananas, or grapefruit. I'll come in anything. I like to get a melon unripe. And? Drill a hole. And then?

I do a sort of... I do this thing where I just... It's a dip. It's more of a dip than a sort of, you know, thrust. So it's not like a thrust. It's more of a kind of... It's a run and dip. It's a punk.

A run over, plunge. Plunge. It's in motion. Yeah. It has to be in motion. Yeah. Good. It's melon plunging, I call it.

Cool, then. We'll all be doing it next year. Yeah. Melon plunging. If you get it nice and icy, plunge. Plunge behind the fudge hedge. So we've got the Ganon's Golden Yeah. Melon plunging. If you get it nice and icy. You can do some plunge behind the vag hedge. So we've got the Ganon's Golden Games. Ganon's Golden Games.

Bean Boozled, isn't it, is the original. Bean Boozled was the original jelly bean that came with nasty flavours. And I think at the time it was pretty unique and pretty... I think so. I think they spearheaded that. I don't think... I've never heard of something designed to taste nasty in the confectionery world

before that. No. Had you? No, not really. No, well, maybe fireball, gobstopper kind of thing. No, but that's hot. That's spicy.

That's like, yeah, it could be painful, but not actually taste of shit. What about Cadbury's spudge fudge? Which is filled with a very soft centre. Some would say too soft. Are you trying to imply... Some would say, come. Oh, trying to imply... Some would say come.

Are you trying to imply that Mr Cadbury... Josh is in two fudge bars. And then he sold them, did he? A finger or a foot is just enough to fill your mouth with spunk. It's for the spunky goodness, you won't know where to spunk. Spunk, spunk, spunk, spunk, spunkity, spunk, spunk. Inspector, can you let me off at the next station, please? I'm getting off this spunk train.

They're not getting off the spunk train. Once the spunk train leaves the station, you're on the spunk train. I'm going to have to take over, Paul, because you are losing your voice. Well, you can take over because these two segments that we start with are yours. Right. So, yeah. You wanted to do a long... We haven't done it in a while, an Eli's top three. Have you got a top three?

Oh, no, I forgot about that. I could do... Here's the conversation I had, Mr. Boys and Girls. Mr. Boys and Girls. Mr. Boys and Girls. Mr. or Mrs. Boys and Girls. Weeks ago, what should we do in this episode, Eli? How about this? Oh, we haven't done that in a while.

Oh, you love doing a top three. Yeah, that's right. I love it. I tell you what, I'll just knock it up on the day. I've got one. I've got one. See what I mean? Here we go. You ready for my top three? Yeah. Also, I want to interrupt by saying the mics you see are recording for the podcast, and the

Yeti down there is what the Twitch streamers will see. So that's why there would be a disparency between the audio. Disparency. I don't care if you've got a problem. This is such a disparency. What was I meant to say? Discrepancy. Discrepancy. There's a

discrepancy. Right. Sorry, Paul. Between the sound sources. So I hope that suffices so you don't have to leave a comment in the YouTube segments weeks later that say, why have they got mics on

but the sound's shit? Oh, God, I don't care. Yeah, but Paul, that person making that comment isn't hearing you right now. True. I'm speaking to them in the future when they watch this,

if they watch this on YouTube. They'll put the comment anyway. They will. It's what they do. They wake up in the morning. Don't drink anymore. How's your voice? How's your voice?

It's better now. I feel much more fresh. So you've got a top three. Yes, Paul. Top three. I'm going to give you my top three hot sauces. Give me camera two, Mr. Biffo. I want to look good on camera.

My top three hot sauces. You can see my hair when I do this. Yeah, but not when you put it on camera two. Then I'm in camera two, aren't Io. I want to look good on camera. My top three hot sauces. Yeah, but when you put it on camera two, then I'm in camera two, aren't I? That's good. Is it me? Good. Top three hot sauces. Go on. In third place. Haven't you done top sauces? Haven't you done hot sauces? I've got, I need a visual aid for this, Paul. What like?

You need a visual aid for hot sauces. Have you just brought hot sauce and now you're going to work it into the show? More than that, Paul. Oh, what's this, ladies and gentlemen? A genuine piece of spontaneous gum. I've got the whole sauce trough, mate. He's brought the sauce trough to the studio. Here we go.

Now, when was the last time the sauce trough left? Go back to camera two. Up, up. Up, up. There we go. Right, good. When was the last time any sauce has left the House of Pickles? It must be years now.

What do you mean? They never leave. Once they add to the trough, they never leave, do they? No, they go down in my tummy when I eat them on foods. Oh, I was going to say, not just raw sauce in your tummy. Now, I've got a lot of interesting items in here, Paul. A lot of interesting items. Yeah. So, you know, it's a interesting items in here, Paul. A lot of interesting items. Yeah.

So, you know, it's a working sauce trough. Pick three, because I'm already fucking bored of this. I'm not picking three. You just said this is the top three segment. No, this isn't my top three. This is just a little digression about the sauce trough, which people are fucking interested in. And stop trying to shut it down.

You shut down anything in this show which has any kind of joy to it with your mouth garbage. You impotent cunt. There you have said it. There's a disparency between my dick and your fucking lips, mate. What does that mean? Does that mean that you can't put it on my lips?

Or that they're not able? I don't know. I didn't coin the word disparency. Did I? It's a brave new world out there, Paul, and you're going to have to tell me what disparency means. This is an unusual one. Yeah.

This is a Heinz, but it's a barbecue sauce, Paul. God, this is what the podcast is now. In a sachet. You wiggle sachets of sauce at me, and I die inside. It's a working sauce trough, as I was trying to say. So I've got sauces which I can use day-to-day. Quotidian sauces. What's a good day-to-day sauce?

What's an at-a-pinch sauce? Oh, that's good. Got a nice standard brown, cafe brown. Standard brown. Oh, look. A McDonald's and Heinz crossover. I like the idea of that. This one's a McDonald's and Heinz crossover. I like the idea of that. McDonald's. This one's a McDonald's and Heinz crossover.

Have a look. I've never seen such a thing, apart from every time I go to fucking McDonald's. No. That is quite unusual. Oh, no, these are unusual. My tapita. Tapatio.

Were they the ones I got you from America? No. Didn't I get you some from America? When I went to America. Anyway, my top three sauces. Here we go. Hot sauces. In third place, sriracha.

In second place, could you not? Could you not? Come on. Come on what? Mamana, mamana, mamana, mamana, mamana, mamana, mamana. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba I thought, oh, sriracha, coming at you. I thought, oh, it's a tomato-based thing, but it's not, is it? It's not tomato. A lot of people think it has tomato, and it doesn't. It has chili, sugar, and garlic. Yeah, so that's exciting.

It's a garlicky sauce, and not as old school as people think. Right. It was popularized quite recently. And in second place. Second place. Encona. Encona. Now, what's that? It's aised quite recently. And in second place... Second place....Encona. Encona. Now, what's that?

It's a Jamaican style. They have different types there, right? Yes, but I'm talking about classic Encona, which is a habanero hot sauce, and it's a classic on a Friday. Splash some on a Friday. Hello, Sunday. Hello, Sunday.

Yes, right? Yeah. You know, it's great. And you know what is great about ancona which a lot of these sort of fly by night oh we've done a stupid hot sauce and it's got a skull on it yeah and it's called zombie death or fiery hell fucking pulped carrot or singeing guys they can't get the uh consistency but there's a bit of xanthan gum i think in ancona and it's just a great consistency on the sauce.

You can spread it, drip it, drizzle it, do what you like with it. It's not watery and it hasn't got carrot in. And in first place, Paul, my top hot sauce has to be... I know I'm... It's celebration time. It would have to be Tabasco. Tabasco. It's great.

You just can't beat Tabasco. And again, I'm not talking about the varieties you have now. Some of those are great, especially the ultra-hot one, but I'm talking about beat Tabasco. And again, I'm not talking about the varieties you have now. Some of those are great, especially the ultra-hot one. But I'm talking about standard Tabasco. I'm just showing off the T-shirts. Got anything to say about my top three? I'm showing off the T-shirts. I had top three.

I just did a top three. Get your T-shirt from the merch store, which you can do. Paul. Voratoni's art. You can get it. There's a link on the website. When we used to do top three, yeah? Then you'd have to do your top three afterwards.

Oh, my top three hot sauces? Yes. Right, here we go. HP. Now, you're saying to yourself, that's not a hot sauce. What number is it? Three. Okay.

HP. But it's got a spice. It's a spice sauce. It's not. It's tangy. It's tangy. Well, tangy is not a term which means anything. And I don't want tangy said around the sauces in this show

anymore right and then I don't know the next two because I don't know hot sauces Barry Bibbs hot sauce which is you cunt

Barry Bibbs is a really good hot sauce maker and he has a it's called the Chicago fire flour it's called

the Chicago fire flour no that's the name of the chilli he uses to make it. Oh, that's a good one. That's number two. You haven't heard of that

because I guess you're not cool. I've got my own trough. It's just going to be you drinking beer and burping for the rest of the show. And then probably

coming on you at some point. What's in the bag? What's in the bag, Mag? Oh! Hey! You want to get going? This shit's going to get real.

You want to get fucking going with me It's party time It's 200 You giving me the fucking needle No And then number one hot sauce It's called

What's it called It's called It's called fox piss Fox piss hot sauce Right And it's interesting It's made with just boring Old normal chilli

It's nothing too special Spicy enough But they do put fox piss in Which gives it a kick And gives it an almost And it's interesting. It's made with just boring old normal chili. It's nothing too special, spicy enough. But they do put fox piss in, which gives it a kick and gives it an almost hallucinogenic quality. You put it on a corn on the cob. You put it on a potato. You put it on an egg. Oh, it's sweet deals.

So there you go. Fox piss hot sauce. Can I put it on a blue mushroom? You can put it on a blue waffle, mate, if you want. Great. Next segment is Eli Silverman's platters. Hey! And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen,

coming up in the show, we've got an exclusive clip from Ashington, the Polybius Heights. Stay tuned for that. It's good, isn't it? I feel like I'm on the telly. That's why you did this, isn't it? Yeah.

To say you could feel like you're on the telly. It's fine. What are they going to see? What are they going to see? What are they going to see? If they ruined it, he ruined it because of this sauce trough ruined the focus.

That's what you're, that's literally what you do. You ruin the focus of things. Are you ready? You're a focus fucker. Are you ready to come on a journey of sound with me?

Are we going on a, so we're doing Silverman's Platter, the part of the show where we go through charity shops and such and such to find interesting vinyl that we can play and discuss.

Now, we've done this before on Twitch, but you wanted to do it again because you lack imagination. So what is it? I'm taking you on a journey through sound. We're going to start with some sounds of outer space, Paul. So I want you to imagine you're an embryonic space baby floating through outer space with a big thumb in your mouth. Wait, I zoned out of that completely. I'm a baby in space with my tongue out?

Yes. Right. And there are some ethereal space noises. So, are you transporting me somewhere? Shall I close my eyes? Yes. All right, I'm going to close my eyes then. Right, transport me.

Oh, here we go. Here come the noises. All right, got the noises. Here we go. Is that as loud as it goes? Turn it up. That's as loud as... Right.

It's like clangers. What am I doing? Am I having sex with a clanger? No, you are an embryonic, miasmic baby child. I'm fucking the soup dragon. Oh, soup dragon. You're naughty.

Oh, soup dragon. Oh, I didn't know you liked your balls. Sick old soup dragon. Oh, soup dragon. Oh, fuck off. You ruin everything. Oh, look, there's button moon. I'm guiding you.

The soup dragon flies off! Very disappointed with your sexual performance. Alright, okay. You're a baby again. Alright, I'm a baby again. You're an embryonic baby. Never mind. Here comes a computer-

Oh, Eli, sidebar to this conversation. This segment's awful. Carry on. Fuck your sidebar. I'll take a sidebar and ram it up ya. I'll put your sidebar to this conversation. This segment's awful. Carry on. Fuck your sidebar. I'll take a sidebar and ram it up you. I'll put your sidebar horizontally. Oh, now. All right, here we go. Now the spaceship approaches.

Right, the spaceship approaches. Does he approach soon? Could it take him forever? No, here he comes. Is he still approaching? He's talking to you. The spaceship's talking to me. He's talking to you in some strange voice.

So am I, what, in a field? I've seen a UFO? No, you're still in outer space. All right, I'm floating in outer space. I am in outer space. Here he... Oh. Oh. Oh.

Right. Here he comes. He's coming. This bizarre language that the... This is a... Yeah. Oh, I'm in space church. Oh, that's exciting, isn't it?

But he's talking to you. He's trying to communicate with you by using tones. Right. Like third encounters of the first kind. What's he saying to you, Paul? Third encounters of the close kind. That's the wrong bit. Yeah, no shit is it the wrong bit.

Here we go. 25 minutes and we've done nothing. Here we go. 25 minutes and we've done nothing. Here we go. Right. Now he's transporting you. Oh, I'm going through a time vortex. You didn't pick up on the language of the computer ship. Yeah, I'm going through a vortex.

He's sending you to Earth because you've got an important mission. I like it. To Earth, yeah? Oh, I'm seeing it. Yeah. Oh, I'm... Big news. You're big news on Earth, space baby. I'm going... When you arrive, you're big news. I'm going it Big news You're big news on Earth Space Baby

When you arrive you're big news I'm going for the void You're big news and they'll talk about you on the news I'm out into dark space You're going to Earth I'm coming down to Earth boys and girls I'm coming down to Earth I've landed on the planet Earth

And there's a news thing about you. There's a news story about me? Yes, here we go. Because I'm a space baby. The news programme's about to start. I can't believe me. Look, I'm a space baby on the news. Good morning.

Space baby Ganon has landed. Rejoice. What am I doing? Space baby Ganon. Space baby, get on! Space Baby, is that it? Right, good, I'm on the planet. Now you're going to go on holiday.

Oh, I'm going on holiday now, am I? You've had a very tiring journey. Right, good, because this is a very tiring segment. You've had a very... Here you are, you're getting down, Space Baby. I'm going to the planet. I'm going to speech. I'm going to Margate. I'm going to Margate. I'm seeing myself there in Margate. You're going to the planet. I'm going to the speech. I'm going to Margate I'm going to Margate. I'm seeing myself there in Margate.

Space Margate. Here we go. You can have a lovely ice cream when you get there. Oh, it's exciting I've never heard Margate sound so fantastic Right You're almost there. Right, I'm in Margate now. Chas and Dave are singing about Margate on the piano The Margate They're doing that

And there's a chicken machine that lays eggs That gives you a toy Now you're going down by the beach You're down by the beach I'm on the beach right Oh that's nice isn't it Oh it's nice this on the beach No mate Fucking hell There's nice this on the beach no mate there's a tree on the beach that's

fucking my folks right there's a sentient tree Look, you're by the sea. Oh, fuck off! Right, that's the end of Silverman's Platters. Fuck off! Fuck off! That was so sloppy! God almighty! Right, is that the end of Silverman's Platters? What's next on the strip? I thought that was a very successful segment of the show, I have to say.

Alright, cool. We've done. Sorted. Silverman's Platters, sorted. What's next on the show? Right, we're going to do... Is that him again? Just turn your phone off.

It's fucking Ash again. Hang on. Turn your phone off. I'm going to get it in a sec. Hang on. I've got all this shit. I think he wanted to do more fanfic stuff. Didn't he want to do some of that?

What do you want? I'm just sick of being left out, really. Well, you never commit. We've offered you in the past to come over, and you always let us out at the last minute. All he does is just do stuff about us boning. I gave you my new phone, remember? Gave you my new number.

Never used it. Never used it never used it on WhatsApp we just we just this was last minute and we just couldn't get you in the show

last minute last minute I heard about this months ago I was on episode 100 do you remember yes M150 M150

where you had a beef with Biffo as well and Biffo was upset by it so it was either Biffo or you made your choice made your choice there, haven't you? But don't worry. I'm on my way. I'm on my way down. No, don't come down. There's no point.

By the time you get here, we'll be done. I'm much closer than you think, mate. I'll be there. Don't you worry. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to seeing the whole... Sorry about that, boys and girls. He can't be on the show. I know. He can't be on the show. I know. He can't be on the show.

He's not... Don't talk to me. How did he even get the address? He may have asked me. I think he asked me the other day. Why did you give him the address? Because I thought he was... He said he was going to bring some...

You know for a fact it's a bad idea. Because he doesn't get on with Biffo. I thought it was a public... I don't know. I just gave it to him. I thought he was cool. I thought you had a word with him and said he could do a bit as long as it wasn't about us fucking each other i know i asked him i asked him and what he to do a video and then a couple of days ago he said oh i haven't done it yet and i was like oh okay well fair enough but like we can't have you do another fucking sex tape thing again because actually

a few people thought it was a bit too much. You know, so... The sex thing? I thought it was a bit too much. I have friends who I convinced to tune into Twitch for the very first time. And they heard that, yeah. And they were just like, fucking hell, it goes on a bit, doesn't it? Yeah, no. It was 15 minutes of basically me pegging you and...

Don't I get a turn? I don't know. To be honest, I didn't get to listen to too much of it because it put me off. Look, we're going to crack on with the show. At this point in the show, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to get Mr. Biffo on. Just take a moment to... What? All right, let's get Biffo on.

Fuck's sake. Because we're going to do the price of shite, right? So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome on to Cheap Show 200. Why? It's Mr. Biffo off the Digichizer channel. Hey! This is fun, isn't it? Right, so we're playing Price of Shite.

You two are playing Price of Shite. And that's right. So, Eli, shall we do the theme? Okay. And then he gets to say, and that's right. Do you know how this goes? No. You say, and that's right, after we do the song. That's right. And that's right. And that's right. Do you know how this goes? No. You say, and that's right, after we do the song.

That's right. And that's right. And that's right. I have to do another fucking song. Ladies and gentlemen. It's all going to be songs. Next year, it's all going to be fucking songs. Hooray for Hollywood.

Oh, God. Fucking hell, no. We've got. You've lost it, mate. It's going too far now if you're showing flesh. Watch out. I'll be coming at you with my palm tree. I'll be coming at you, Cleopatra.

Right. Oh! It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Bull, bull, bull. Just once I've done one go round, Matt, perhaps you can join in, because that was tuneless and harsh on everyone's ears. Yeah, I hated it.

Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. No, it doesn't go like that. It's the fucking price of shite. I told you to sit here doing this. I'm not going to. I'm not going to do it. Why?

I want to be off camera. I want to be able to do this. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. You know what? I've just had a moment where I just forgot we were actually on camera.

I just thought we were doing a podcast. Yeah, I know. Oh, it's the fucking Prostitutory. It's the fucking Prostitutory. It's the fucking Prostitutory. It's the fucking Prostitutory. That's right. Yeah.

Oh. What's the pink bit at the bottom of that? It looks like a... A vulva. An areola. Well, I think more sphincter-like. Yes. More sphincter-like.

It's a beach bum. That's right. That's right. Why are you so happy about that? Just beach bum. It's clever. Not an anus. Beach bum.

Oh, stop. Beach bum. Stop it. Oh, you don't like it. Oh, you don't like that. We planned. We didn't plan for you to molest me. You don't like that.

Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like being hit We didn't plan for you to molest me. You don't like that? Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like being hit in the head. I was looking at the chat, and loads of people, Paul, said they hate you. I said they hate you, and you're awful. Wow. Come on, let's play the price of fucking shite, and that's right.

Right, so Stuart Ashen's, the good old Stuart Ashen's, he has made his own bespoke Price of Shite. And you will be watching his three items on the video screen over there. Hopefully, as I close that screen down and open another one awkwardly, I'll do that now. Do that now, Paul. This is the first ever video Price of Shite.

Are they going to see this, the people at home? Yeah, they will. Are we going to explain to everyone what the Price of Shite is? Yeah, go on, give them. There might be some people watching this for the first time. Price of Shite, everybody, is a little game we like to play on Cheap Show where we guess the prices of things. Points in this game take the form of betwings.

I don't know. I'm going to leave it to Ashen's because he's going to obviously have his own point system, I'm assuming. No, he doesn't. The plan is that he's going to show you three items, right? And you'll both guess the prices and whoever's closest wins. That's it. You'll get a big betwing for being the closest.

What if we get it on the nose? Well, then you get two betwings. Two extra betwings. So don't try and truncate this. Closest or on the nose Two per twings alright Right so to make that clear to everyone Yes We guess the price

Closest gets one per twing If you're in 25p of it it gets one per twing No Just whoever's closest from the two of you Two per twings be on the nose It's so simple I like the 25p rule Two per twings on the nose twings It's certainly simple. I like the 25p rule. Two per twings on the nose. One per twing

if you get close. Whoever's closest. I will be counting my own per twings and if I'm within 25p either side of any of these I will consider myself to have earned a per twing.

Maybe there should be a forfeit for the loser. I would What? I haven't got any. I've only got the beans for later. Eat that.

Is it plastic? No, it's wax. Oh. Go on, eat that. I might I haven't got any. I've only got the beans for later. Eat that. Is it plastic? No, it's wax. Oh. Go on, eat that. I might put it in my mouth. Do you know what you could do? I'm just going to do it anyway. You can make tea fat with it.

Yeah, exactly what I thought. Come on. It's a visual medium, everybody. Not that. Great. It's the wacky, it's the wacky tea. Play the fucking video. I'm going to play it for both, all right?

Here's what's going to happen. Come on. I'm going to play the video and then you're going to play it. Why don't you go over there, but the video's here. We told you before we started. It's the fucking place to try it and that's right. That's right. This is fundamentally flawed.

Remember when we started? Fuck you. What? No, look. Fuck you. What? No, look. You fucked it all. Paul Gannon has a fetish for fat, hairy men.

Fat, hairy men, they make the rockin' world go round. This is your thing, isn't it? Well, Eli, is this what it all comes down to? 200 episodes.

Both of us. At once. One on either end. Come on. Are you ready? I'm going to start the video. Yes. At once. One on either end. Come on. Are you ready? I'm going to start the video. Yes. And you can watch it home too. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Here's Stuart Ashen's Price

of Shite. Hail to the mighty cheap show. Yes, it is I, Ashen's the internet imbecile, here to say congratulations on 200 bloody episodes. That's considerably more than 37 although it must be said less than 212 anyway the price of shite so uh i went off to the charity shops around norwich which is usually gonna be honest not the greatest time the charity shops in norwich tend to be quite

expensive and not have good stuff in them so i I don't look in very often. But, possibly due to not many people going in due to viruses and stuff, I had some success. I have certainly got at least three items of vague interest for you. Let us begin, as is traditional, with item number one. Which is actually a twofer, because I got two items for the one price that was paid. It is a small horse, a flocked horse, so it's soft to the touch, and it's got a crazy mane thing going on.

I don't know if this is a My Little Pony or a similar collectible or something. Probably from the 80s or 90s, I would have said. It's got like a ninja mask on due to its colouration, so that's good. You can go into shops and not have to wear another one. Yeah. I don't know what to say about that, really.

Also, we have also flocked a little glitter bear with magical wings. I'm assuming this actually has nothing to do with this, and they've just been put together by the people in the charity shop. I am not entirely sure. Or maybe it is designed to ride on the horse as its mighty steed as they go into battle against Dacron and the forces of Potato. I have no idea. I'm making it all

up. Anyway, that is item number one. A small horse with articulated neck and a small bear. How much are they worth? Well, that's for you to decide. Or more to the point, you to guess at, and then me tell you later. Item number two. I was really, really pleased to get this. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. People of a certain age are now going,

oh my God, I remember those. I really wanted to get one of these, because I had one as a child, and I'm doing a video soon on Pocketeers which were like a sort of very well designed set of pocket games originally from Tomy and to cut a long story short, yeah, I really wanted this to show off as a shit version which we got as a sort of budget one and would you believe it, it turned up in a charity shop decent condition still works made in

1976 a year i was bloody born by blue box in singapore it is get your children addicted to gambling with mini mate jackpot basically you pull this down push this button click there we are that's what's come up a blue blue bell, a jackpot, and three lovely red flowers. Fun here, isn't it? Yeah, that's it. I don't know why I played for this so long as a child. I mean, also, a lot of the combinations you win on don't seem to make any sense. Like, you win if it is a blue bell, a purple plum,

which face the opposite way to the ones in here, that's annoying, and a yellow lemon. Why? But what is the theory behind any of these? I mean, these ones make sense. Two jackpots, two flowers, whatever. Three jackpots, three flowers. Then, by the time you've got to four points, it's all getting a bit kind of mysterious. Have I won? No. Have I won? No. No. Have I won? No. Have I won?

Yes! Because that's technically the bell, isn't it? Yeah, I think so. The push of the button isn't doing a lot. There. That looks better. I have won six. Six watts, I don't know.

Six lashes with a wet whip. No idea whatsoever. Well, that's that anyway. And now I show you the final item on brand for Mr. Gannon. It is the Ricochet re-release of Ghostbusters for the ZX Spectrum. Of course it is. Without box. Just literally a loose tape.

Hasn't even been rewound. Look, I haven't rewound it either. It looks like it's quite near the end of side A. Oh, and somebody at some point, I didn't notice that has drawn on it with a pencil. Interesting. So I had this exact issue of this game as a kid and played it. I don't know if you've played the game or not. It's an odd one.

You basically run your own Ghostbusters franchise and drive around the city upgrading your car every so often and then catch ghosts and ultimately have to run under the legs of a jumping marshmallow man in order to go and stop Zool. At which point the Spectrum version stops, if I recall. There's supposed to be like another scene in other versions where you go and be a bit more direct with Zool. But no, you just have to run under the marshmallow man's legs at the right time and that's it.

Anyway, does it work? No idea, because these old tapes have a tendency to dry out. They have lubrication on them, and yeah, if you've ever listened to an audio one and it's just basically going instead of playing your favourite tune, that's what's happened to that. And yeah, old tapes are beginning to demagnetise as well, which you can sort of get away with a bit for audio, but not so much for the data. So, does it work? Probably not. It's not even in a fricking case. But there we are. So, item number one, the deadly duo.

Item number two, gambling addiction for kids. And item number three, a dead video game. What is worth what, however? Well, that's yours to guess on the price of shite. Yay! Woo! I'm going now, bye. Are to guess on the price of shite. Yay. Woo. I'm going now. Bye. Are we back in the room?

We're back in the room, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for that, Ashton. Thank you. Thank you, Stuart, for that video. Beautifully done. So, three items. Are you ready now? Eli, you are the leading champion.

That was such a Jack Douglas carry-on moment where you went, Whoa! Three items. I'm going to let you start. You're going to take the first guess on this. So the horse bear. Now, I will say this. Every item in that was less than a pound.

Every single... No surprise. Yeah. All three of the items were less than a pound. All three are less than a pound. And to make it a bit more difficult, he hasn't done it in ascending order of price. So the second might be higher than the first.

No, I assumed that. I'm just saying, just to get your parameters right. So with that in mind, how much do you think the horse-bear combo was? Could I just say I like the bear? Why are you taking the picture off? I want to see it. There's nothing to see.

Horse-bear. Horse-bear. It was a glittery bear with wings and a horse with an articulated neck. Yeah, I think that bear looked a little bit like... A care bear? No. Wuzzle. There's a bear called Bumble Bear.

Wuzzle's a part bee though. That was part fairy. Oh, well, they might have created a license. That was a dead bear. Yeah. Because he was an angel. He's a dead bear that had done... Might have been a bear cupid or a bear cherub.

Well, then he never lived. If he was a cupid bear, he was some kind of ethereal being produced by heaven. That's not the price, though. Who'd never seen the likes of us? Don't care. Not the price. He's a fallen angel.

Give me the price of shite. I'd say 90p. 90p for both of them. Yeah? Yes. I'm putting this down. Are you committing to 90p? I'm committing to 90p.

Do the lockdown. It's 90p. Lock it in. Right, good. Mr. Biffo, what do you say? I'm going, it was flocked. It was flocked. Which I liked.

Like a bit of flock. Do you know the story about the bloke who invented flocking? No. No, what's that? What's that story? You know, Action Man

had the flocked hair. He had a lovely bit of flocked hair, didn't he? The way he convinced Palatoy, he turned up in a car that was fully flocked.

He flocked his car. But instead, wouldn't this be great for Action Man's head? Yes. I mean, weird Look at this Be great for Action Man's head Yes I mean weird Did his car look like Action Man's head

Yes All over That would work then Yes Imagine this But on a small man That's the plan Sold

What do you think I'm going 50p You're going to go 50p But I do like I've got to say I wavered Yeah Because the bear

It's wings Were of a different material to its body that bear was a sweet piece it was a sweet piece it looked sweet on my little shelf 50p

I'm going low next to the Smurfs fundamentally shit we're going to stay with you Mr Biffo he could nuzzle a Smurf and anything else you could

get that bear it's only a little bear yeah put it right on the end of your own arm yeah right down the end meter spare yeah no you wouldn't want to get something that size down your me get an infection Get that bear. It's only a little bear. Yeah. Put it right on the end of your own arm. Yeah, right down the end. Meter's bear. Yeah.

No, you wouldn't want to get something that size down your me. Hey, listen. Get an infection. My nephew, when he was little, put a needle down the end of his penis. Oh, no, he didn't. He did. And his mum had to put it out. Why?

Well, he was little. He was experimenting. It's fine. As long as he didn't go on the sides. Like stirring a cup of tea. He got it right down there. Had to get some tweezers. It's like that book

by Chuck Palahniuk called Haunted. There's a whole segment about that where this guy finds out that you can use a special kind of pin that you can put down

the metres of your penis down the shaft. He uses wax. Eventually he does. He finds out that you can use a special blade that has a ball on the top which stops it from going down. That. He uses wax. No, well, eventually he does. He finds out that you can use a special blade that has a ball on the top which stops it from going down.

That is a metres ball. But then he decided you could do it with a strip of wax. So then he puts wax in his cock and it... Not hot wax. No, hot, dried wax.

But then it gets hot when it goes in. That's very thin. Yeah. Is that a break? Yeah, well, that's what happens in the story. Then he gets, like,

complications. And then the story continues where the guy gets his arse stuck to a swing pool pump and then slowly pulls an intestinal tract. Intestinal tract? Intestinal. What's this? Intestinal tract. What's it called?

Intestinal. Intestinal tract. Out of his bum hole. On that note, right, how much, Mr. Biffo, do you think how much do you think the jackpot game was?

Jackpot game. We're moving on. That's a lovely piece. It's not a pocketeer, though, is it? I don't think it's official. It's a mini-mate, it said on it.

Yeah, it's pocketeer-esque. And that makes me think, like, oh, this is my friend, this soulless gambling game. Yeah. You know, it's weird. But it's under a pound. All of them are under a pound.

If I was in that shop, if I was an old woman in a charity shop, I would have gone £1.25 for that. I would pay £2.50 for it. It's funny because... In terms of what I'd pay, because I like them. It's on eBay. When I bought that stack of them, that was £4 for about, what, five, six of them? So it's not too bad. Yeah, but they weren't as in good £4 for about, what, five, six of them? So it's not too bad.

Yeah, but they weren't as in good condition as that. Some of them were, some of them weren't, but also they were official Tomy ones, so that kind of, I think, bumps it up a little bit. Ah, wasn't that an official Tomy one? That's not an official Tomy one. Does it back me up? Yeah, because it's official Tomy Pocketeer.

Yeah, but we're not talking dealers here. Who was the manufacturer of that? This is bargain hunt now. Who manufactured that one? He didn't say. Mini-Mate. Barry Bib say. Mini-Mate. Barry Bibbs. Mini-Mate.

Is it Mini-Mate? Yeah. I've never even heard of them. If I had a Mini-Mate, I'd like him to talk to me, not just be a... You're my Mini-Mate. All I remember. Right, jackpot game. How much do you think that was?

I'm going to go, because £1.25, I would price it at, I'm going 75p. 75. Is that about the 25s that I'm... No, that's a good way of playing the game. What was the third item again? We'll get to it in a minute. It was the cassette game. The Ghostbusters cassette game.

All right. So Eli. Jackbox though. Jackbox. Jackpot game. Can I go 70p? Yeah, you can go whatever you want. 70p.

Finally. Game Boy game. 50p. 50p, you think? Yeah. 45. 45p. 45p. 45? What are you going to stick with? I think? Yeah. 45. 45p.

45p. What are you going to stick with? I'm going to go 45. 45 pence. Well that's interesting because I'd already in my head gone 40p. You want to go 40p? Yeah, I'm going 40. It's a piece of shit.

No one wants it. Slight undercutting on each side, but are you ready for the results? I'm ready. I can't wait. Alright, we'll do them one at a time because they're three separate videos, so bear with me. Here we go. I literally can't wait for this. I'll edit all this together nice and neatly.

Yeah. Here we go. Here is the first item. How much did it cost? So, item number one, the horse-bear combo, cost me a grand total of... 60 pence. Yes, 60 pence. How is that distributed between the two? I have no idea. This one's 40, this one's 20. No idea. But yes, 60 pence. That's 60 pence. That's 0.6 pounds. That's 60 pence.

Oh, 60 pence, Si! Who won? I can't remember. Eli said 90p You said 50p Mr Biffo gets a betwing Come on Eli I thought there was two items I can imagine those in a little Placky bag for a quid

One of those metres hole size You must have a very loose metres Is it like a wind sock? Like a wizard sleeve It's a betwing for Biffa in that first round but what will happen in the second? Let's find out about the jackpot machine. Oh I like the jackpot machine. So item number two the mini mate jackpot. Oh I didn't win. Oh no, I did! I won a single one! Yay! Victory is ours. Right, how much did this cost? The answer is... 85 pence. Yes, 85 pence. I feel I got a bit of a bargain there because it still works. It's like 44 years old or something. Erm, yeah, quite happy with that. I'm going to say it still works. It doesn't work very well. But then it didn't back in the day anyway. Yay!

85p was the price. Biffo said 75p. Eli said 70p. Eli said 75p. Eli gets the betwing. Betwing! So now it's all on the last one. Wait a minute.

I said 70p? Yes. I said 75 because I said the £1.25 thing. Yes, but remember, I said whoever's closest gets the point. But I said 75. You said 70. I wrote down 70. Eli said 75.

No, Eli said 75. Because I said... Right, everyone in the chat room. Who said what? I said 70. I said 75, you fuck. Because I said I would have priced it at £1.25. I'll get a between for being within 25p anyway.

All right. Well, you get a between. Five and 12. Two between. Mr. Biffo gets between, and Eli gets between for being second closest. God, this is just, again, a simple format. I get two. I won.

Why does Eli get anything? No, he shouldn't get anything. Because I'm close. I'm within 25p. It's always who's closest. It's just Biffo. So far, two for two for Mr. Biffo. Can Eli at least get something back?

Or he'll be betwingless in a betwing-filled world. Isn't this a thing on Chasho that I normally beat Eli? Yeah, it's weird, actually. It's like you're some kind of kryptonite for him. It's bizarre. I'm terrible at this bloody game. And the final item, number three, the Ricochet re-release of Ghostbusters for the ZX Spectrum I'm terrible at this bloody game. And the final item, number three, the Ricochet re-release of Ghostbusters for the ZX Spectrum

without a case. It cost the grand sum of... Ten pence. Yes, it was the cheapest item because it was in a big box of loose tapes, all of which were music apart from this as far as I can tell. There's like 20 of them or so. And it said on it, basically, they're 10p each, and if they don't work, tough tits, you can't bring them back.

So, hence the cheapness. So there we are. 10p was the cheapest. Then it was these blighters. And then ultimately, the most expensive was the Minimate jackpot. How well did you do i don't know i'm recording this before the fact obviously i mean i've not got bloody time machine anyway i'm

going now love you bye bye bye bye love ya so who did get the best points so it was 10p. Mr. Biffo, you said 40p. Eli said 45. So it's a clean sweep for Mr. Biffo. He is victorious. Eli has been shamed on our 200th episode. I should get a between for that. You don't get a between for nothing. I should get a between for the fucking

middle one. You're not getting a between for nothing. Why should you get a fucking between? Why should you? It's no rule that says you get a between for nothing. Why should you get a fucking between? Why should you? It's no rule that says you get a between. The normal rules are if you're within 25p either side, you get a between. No, I said closest. Closest.

Because I would like my own between to take away from this. You can't eat betwings. Between, between, between. Paul. Between what? I tell you what well played thank you cheers

you can go now I'm bored you've presented yourself I'll have my revenge on the smell game hello Paul as a little as a little treat

as a little treat right would you like to see an exclusive sneak peek of Ashen's and the Polybius heist would you

yeah have you seen any footage of it at all? You've seen a bit? Well, I had to do some ADRing. Yeah. So I saw those bits. Oh, you've seen that footage then? Yeah.

All right. Well, we've got an exclusive clip now. Oh, it's a world exclusive on our 200th episode of Eli in Ashen's and the Polybius Heist. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. Sweden is fish. Bob's your uncle.

I think this might be your bag. My heist hat. Really nice colour, man. Thank you. Hey, that was all right, wasn't it? Hey, an exclusive shot. Oh, it's exclusive.

I can't believe me eyes. Wasn't that exciting? Yeah. I saw you and Stuart in a scene together. That's fun, isn't it? That's good, isn't it? That's good, isn't it? Right, I forgot where my phone is with the plot for the show on. Thanks for tuning in, everybody.

I hope you're enjoying it. I hope you're enjoying it. No, Paul, stop parroting me. So shit. You are so shit. Thanks for joining us on the show. How are you? Isn't it?

Welcome to Cheap Show, episode 200. Right, so, oh, we can have a break now. Oh. Because boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Boys and Girls and Mrs. Ladies and Gentlemen, we've done a special... Mr. Boys and Girls and Mrs. Ladies and Gentlemen? Yes.

Mr. Boys and Girls and Ladies and Gentlemen, ladies, we have done a very special edition of Eli's Country Urban Noodle Kitchen Test Lab, haven't we? We certainly have, Paul. Do you want to prep it a little bit for us? It's a little bit of a journey through the history of instant ramen noodles, guys. And just hope you enjoy it, you know.

Yeah, well, we hope you enjoy it too. We're going to take a little break and you can watch all Eli's Country Urban Noodle Kitchen. Here we go. Go. Oh, hello there Eli Silverman here welcome to my Country Urban Noodle Test Lab Kitchen yes that's right today on the country today on the Country Urban Noodle Test Lab Kitchen I will be taking you on a journey from the very origins of the noodle, the very first instant noodle by Momofuku Ando all the way on a journey across time and continents and we end on the version the

very same version of that original chicken flavored instant noodle but the Polish version. Smack! Paul! Oh hello Mr Silverman. Come on Paul. Hello. You'll be joining me in the Country Urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen today. Are you excited? I am very excited to be in the Urban Test Lab Urban Noodle Country Kitchen today. I can't wait to go on a time journey, not only of flavour but of time. Anything else you picked up from that intro that's of interest to you today? Not much really. Fuck you!

Come on! Are we ready to go boys and girls? We're ready to go, come on, come over. Alright, let's come over here and go. Come over to the country and we'll have a little look at the noodles themselves shall we? Hang on, I'm doing this. Come on. Alright, I'm zooming in.

There we go. Come on over. Come on over into the kitchen. Here we are Paul. Now I'm going to take you through both noodles we'll be doing today. You're starting on the cooker now. Do us a favour as well because I left some of them over there so you could go and get those. Chuck them over. Right. These were sent to me by some lovely listener to the pod, Paul.

These are a Reknika. Was that the one we got on the Magical Journey mystery? Remember it came in a big box full of noodles? Yes, do you know who that person is? Chris? That was a great job he did, but these were obviously, we couldn't eat these because on that picnic we were out and about. We didn't have a... Show it to the camera, close it. We didn't have a portable... So these are a replica of the original noodle that was released by Nissen, and the inventor of the instant noodle, Momofuku Ando, sorry if I'm mispronouncing that, he worked for the Nissin Corporation and this was the product they came out with first, chicken ramen.

And this is a mini version of that classic recipe. And this is a miniature retro version, I'll just open them now. Open it little look. Open it. Because we've read the back, haven't we? Yeah. Ooh, there's a little sticker. You get a sticker with it. Look at this. I was not aware of that. Look at that.

Stickers. That's a nice touch because you can stick them on, I don't know, a school book, a record sleeve. So maybe these are actually not just a... Pencil case. Do you think these are possibly like for school lunches? Like a packed lunch for kids. Yeah and you just get some hot water off the teacher or whatever.

Yeah maybe. I can't sit on this chair. It's too hot. Could you stop trying to draw focus please from the noodles? It's just hard because you're so small and you're framing that way so I'm just trying to get in. I'm doing a bit of a split here aren't I? Ten minutes this video is meant to be.

Feels longer already. Doesn't it? Come on. Right these are to be. It feels longer already. It does, doesn't it? Come on! Right, these are a replica of the original flavour. Chicken, spelt with an I and not an E. Chicken ramen were the original ones. Now, I thought that he... A lot of things, like Wikipedia, I think, says that cup noodles were the first one.

But I think these were in fact the first one, which would make sense. The innovation of the cup came after just the basic innovation of the noodle in the pack. Do you see what I mean? So we'll be tasting those. Now, journey across the decades where the noodle overtakes the whole world and you end up with Nissin snack. Do you want to take it over Paul? Woah, extreme close up! Nissen smack! Smack! Now this is a Polish version and it's the same thing isn't it?

It's a chicken flavoured noodle in soup. These are both soup based noodles by the way. The original version of the instant ramen was a ramen in soup based noodle. And that's what we're talking about today. None of these stir fried options, you know, your multi-packer, drain the water off through a mesh built into my spout options. No, this is the basic one pack of powder, one pack of noodles, one pack of

pure joy and innovation in the food industry. Now, Eli, when you said today on the Country Urban Noodle Kitchen Test Lab that you'd be boiling up some smack, I thought you were talking about drugs. No, as you know Paul, I prefer stimulants. Right, so I've got an onion. Now why have we got an onion? Okay that's good because Paul we did a little Google Translate didn't we on the back of this incident and what was tell me they suggested one pimping item. They said why not add green onions. Green onions, which is the international phrase meaning spring onions or scallions. Yes, and we have, I think by this bit of detective work me and you have done here, Paul,

we've identified the original pimping ingredient, the primordial pimp ingredient for an instant noodle, which is a spring onion and I've always maintained this. It is the Rosetta Stone of pimping a snack isn't it? It certainly is and we will be finely chopping this onion and we will have a little sprinkle in both of these chicken ramen just to, because it's what Mr Ando would have fucking wanted isn't it? He must have said what are you going to put on the back of this would you stop trying to on the back of this? Would you stop trying to turn the cooker on?

Now move the camera closer, we'll go, let's cook these noodles. We'll cook the noodles now and you can see the process. Wouldn't that be fun? Come on, get it over here, you doddark. Come on then. I tell you what. Paul, I need you to fill this kettle for me. Not all the way, just most of the way.

Alright good. While you're doing that I'll get on with chopping this onion. Also, once you've done that, please grab my wok from the rack. Wok from the rack, wok from the rack, dibba dibba dibba dibba wok from the rack. Walk from the rack, walk from the rack, walk from the rack. Look I got it. That's really hard to do with one hand. There you go, hob. Very good, pass me the kettle. Kettle. There's not much preparation for these, it's very simple. And of course that is what a noodle should be. It's a simple food for eating quickly.

I'm just finely chopping these scallions, green onions or spring onions, call them what you will. But we know now, if you want to pimp something correctly, you've got to at least consider a green onion, don't you? You've got to have a pretty good fucking reason not to put a spring onion in your noodle, don't you? Talk to the camera, I don't care. Talk to this bit. I'm not talking to them. Well, don't talk to me, because I don't care. What the fuck? I won't talk to fucking anyone. You're going to make it a fucking issue. It's just weird when you look off camera when you're talking to the audience.

It's just bad. Oh, what? Bad what? Am I not here with you now, Paul? Look, what do you mean bad? Fuck you. Stop looking at me. Fuck you.

You see, it seems like I'm talking to them. Come on. Cunt. No, you can say fuck you to me, but you can't say fuck you to you. Fuck you! Fuck you! God almighty. Excuse me! You really angered me with your shit today.

I've done the onion. Better cut, because we've got fuck all to do now. Alright. I'm going to go into your back. I've done the onion. Better cut, because we've got fuck all to do now. All right. All right. I'm going to go into your back. I hate this segment of the show. I hate it. Oh, it's all, what's all this? I've just got to wash up the noodle bowl.

It's not a euphemism. Oh, kettle's boiling. OK, we're almost there now. We need to coordinate this to get both noodles ready at the same time, Paul. Right. Is this, I believe, looking for the helpful, it's always do this, by the way. Yeah. Or, because you don't know what language the person who's eating your instant noodles understands.

No. So you need handy things. What would you say this, look, it says smack on it as well. Good, nice detail in these pictures. Pour into a bowl of water and then treat it like a soup. Yes, but... Oh God. Whoa, that's exactly what it says! Pour it into a bowl of water!

Hand me a measuring jug. We're gonna do this to the book. It says, I believe, on this, how many millimetres of water. You can see down there, 400. We're going to get it in the wok and get 400. So I turn the heat on? Yeah. Which one is it? The far one. Millilitres here.

400 is there. Go up to the line. And a little bit for the angels. A little bit more for the angels there, Paul, because it is... I'm boiling it in a quite... in a wok which has a very... Well, I don't want to say wide opening. It does have a wide opening.

It has a wide top. Yeah. Which means more evaporation is allowed to occur. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you just put a little bit more than the 400 required because it starts boiling off almost immediately. See what I mean?

You'll see what I mean in the noodle. Now I need you to do timing on this. Alright, did you say that this was six years out of date? I haven't said that yet, no. Let's see where the best before is. Eh, not six years. This is March 2018 this went out of date. No, it's not too bad. I'm sure it'll be fine, Paul.

Now, we've both agreed, if I find any form of life, fungal or otherwise, inside this, then we're not eating it. I'm so sure that's not going to happen. In fact, that moment is coming now. Look, we're already losing water. Come on. Through the wide opening of this wok hole. There's no bad huff coming off the noodles, I think you'll agree. You'll put it in my face. Huff the fucking noodle! Yeah but you stuck it in my eye. I'm sorry. Sorry I did that Paul. Let's not have a fight today, okay? Very lonely. There's a big pack.

You didn't break it up. No, what I like to do is get it soft and then it comes pulled apart with a knife. I'll let you do that, Paul. Yeah? I don't want to. I'm filming. Paul, and I want you to time three minutes from now. All right.

On this noodle, okay? All right, it's at ten past. It'll be ready. And then what does it say? I add it... You see, I disagree fundamentally. They say I should add the flavouring now, but I feel that that will ruin it somehow. I add it just after, before I'm gonna take it out. You might wanna flip that though, right?

No, I will break... I have asked you to do something for me, which is to break and maintain the noodle. No, I'm not doing it, I'm filming. What are you doing? Absolutely nothing. I'm preparing the fucking noodles, right? Fucking Jamie Oliver or Gordon Kennedy. What's the other one? Who's the other one? Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay. Hard on Ramsay. As you can see... Are you even timing this?

I asked you to time it! We've done one minute. Okay. As you can see, it's softened up there. Now, this is much easier for me to break it up without destroying the integrity of the noodle itself. Do you see me? Because you want to get the long strands in. Look at this shit I do for you. I do for you.

Me or the audience? You. Shut up! Right! Meanwhile Let's prepare our own individual little original cup noodles Paul Now these have been damaged in transit somewhat Oh look! Do you know what? What? These have looked like they've been done in

stock. There is no sachet in these mini ones. Oh are they? And you see they're very yellow. This is because they're putting the flavour in instead of putting it in the sachet because it's a mini. Instead of putting it in a sachet because because it's a mini, they put the actual flavour, imbued it into the noodle. One minute left on this. Okay, which is similar to Mama brand noodles from Thailand. They have flavour packs, but they also have a sort of stock flavour in the noodle. But when I first saw these, these looked like those noodle snacks a bit, you know, that you eat. But I think what they've done is

they... OK, so I'm boiling the kettle again. We're just going to... Oh, that's got the integrity as much. See, and it's designed, you can see, in a round shape. Yeah. In order to fit nicely into a round mug. Yeah. Because a square one would be ridiculous. Well that's what I think that's ready to go aren't we with that. Yeah definitely. So let's, oh everything's going now. It's just boiled. Shall I cancel filming and we'll come back when everything's prepared. Yeah. Right, let's do that then. Zoom into the shirt. Hello, welcome back. I'm looking in the right place now.

I don't know how good it is to see you. Fuck off. Welcome back to the Country Urban Noodle Test Kitchen, Test Lab Kitchen. All the noodles are prepared. I simply have to... Oh, and Mr Fork. What have you got for me today, Mr Fork? I am just going to... I have chopped my spring onions there. Oh, and Mr Fork! What have you got for me today, Mr Fork?

I am just gonna... I have chopped my spring onions there. I'm adding them to the cup noodle mini... Can you honestly, Paul? Hello, I'm Mr Fork! I'm Mr fucking Big Blade! Who wins? Is that a knife? I'll show you a fucking knife! Alright, well, no, don't be like that.

Exactly! Don't be like that! Oh, I'm Mr Sp Oh, Mr Spoon. Mr Spoon. Why is that funny? It's not funny. You're ruining this for me. Here's your noodle. So I'm going to start with the... Just try and do something.

Start with the beginning, Paul, and this is the original noodle flavour. Recreated. And... I can't quite get it in shot. original noodle flavor recreated and what oh the smell to our tip it down you need to look at this they need to see this see what it looks like in the mug there we go there you go it's a it's a clear broth you know none of this super noodle sort of bullshit yeah so. So, what's the half you're getting on that Paul though? It's a very kind of umami-ish kind of soy. Yeah.

Slightly chickeny but not too much. Yeah, it's very slightly chickeny. Okay, I'm gonna go for, you don't have to use your, okay. What? Because you're gonna taste the big noodle with that. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. It does matter, I don't want your mouth, Jones. Okay. Yeah, you can... But... Yeah. What? Because you're gonna taste the big noodle with that. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

It does matter. I don't want your mouth, Jones! But then you eat that, because that's years old and I don't want it anyway. You have to fucking try the years old one! I don't have to. You do. Are you part of this or not? I'm doing this bit.

I'm gonna get you a new... Oh, you... Oh. What's the broth like? Very comforting, very warm, lovely flavour. It's nice isn't it? And the noodle. I'm going to have a bit of noodle with it now. Look at this. They're very small aren't they? Well that's perfect for a lunchbox or whatever. But they're very, the actual width of the noodle, I don't know if you can pick up on this,

the actual size, as in the sort of width of the noodle is smaller than you'd normally get, do you know what I mean? They're mini in every way. It's that attention to detail again, you know? This is very satisfying, nice. Oh yeah, right that's nice. That's good. Now let's try the old one. Now I'll try the broth, because I haven't done anything with this. Try the broth. Try the broth on the Polish version. Polish smack. Ewww.

Really? It tastes of nothing. No, it's because you didn't, it hadn't, get another spoon. I don't care. It hadn't diluted properly, been mixed properly. So the smack juice, what's the smack juice like? Is that different? Is it different?

No, it's chilli almost in it. It's got a weird chilli feeling to it. Which I'm not a big fan of, ladies and gentlemen. We should show the bowl. Yeah, it definitely has, it has, it's hotter. It's hotter, definitely. I actually prefer that. That's got more flavour.

It's a more rich chicken flavour. I think that heat is making it more to it than it is. It has a bit of chilli, it does have a bit of chilli. And you can see these are rounder noodles. They're not like Ribbon, which those were. These are rounder and these they're not like ribbon, which those were. These are rounder and these are sort of more standard size as well. You can see those have got big girth. I like the comfortness of this, that just feels a little bit abrasive to me.

Oh, that's good. The smack is good, man. You can see that on telly. You're not on telly yet, Paul. Maybe next year. Maybe one day we'll be millionaires. But until then... But you don't like the broth on this, are you sure? Yeah, I'm a huge fan.

Well thank you for joining us on the Eli's Country Urban Noodle Test Lab. Noodle, kitchen, lamp, box. I'll try again. I'll alert that up. You cut there and then I'll come into the... Come here. Action. I'll try again. Alert that out. You cut there and then I'll come in and do this. Well thank you so much for joining us on Eli's Country Urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen. Again.

Eli's Country Crunchy Noodle. We tasted a version of the first noodle ever to exist. Eight out of ten. And we also tasted basically the Polish version. Are you all nuts? You're just trying to... I'm not. I'll tell you. Paul is wrong about this noodle.

And it's basically very similar, but with a more nuanced and richer flavour packet, which obviously is what happens over the years. The technology gets better. And I think he's dismissed this noodle just because it's a bit out of date. I'm telling you what. That doesn't help. I tell you what, this noodle is delicious. The smack noodle.

So thank you for joining us on Eli's crunchy, sticky, wank box. Noodle test sock. The broth is great. The broth is great. Salty. What more can you ask for? No, thanks, guys. And I hope the rest of the show goes all right.

Back to the studio. Paul and Eli. Oh, apologies, apparently, for the rest of the show goes alright back to the studio calling Eli oh apologies apparently for the reverb on the sound don't know why

there's only one sound source going out I don't know it's technical what do you want what do you want I don't want anything from you

do you want a kiss I do want a kiss we haven't kissed on camera do you want to kiss me absolutely not oh come on mate there's no reason at all cheers cheers here's to another 200 episodes You haven't kissed on camera. Do you want to kiss me? Absolutely not. Come on, mate. There's no reason at all. Cheers.

Cheers. Here's to another 200 episodes. Oh, I missed it. Oh, no. Look at my normal-sized cup. You can play beer pong with that. Look at it. Oh, no.

Oh. It's an optical effect. You can play beer pong with dwarves. I'm sorry. I said dwarves. I'm sorry I said dwarves. I'm a man who's quite small in stature. You are. Didn't you once say someone said, what a tiny man?

They did. That was when I used to do Tales from the Dance Floor, where I used to DJ. And I have little stories. You DJ much these days? You wanker. Yeah you a wanker? Yeah, you wanker. Oh, shut up. You fucking COVID shaming me.

Anyway, it is now time for our big finale of the show. Why, it is Gannon's Golden Games. Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. What? Fucking Ash, again! Go, go, go, go, go. We're nearly done. What do you want?

Lovely video, that. Yes, thank you. I enjoyed hearing it. Yeah, you're probably watching it online. From the front of the house. What? I'm outside. I got here.

I told you I would. I bought my skateboard. Nice one. You're not outside. Fuck got here. I told you I would. I bought my skateboard. He's not... you're not outside. Fuck off. Yes I am. You just need to come and open this gate. Let me out the side into the studio and I'll come in and join in the grand finale. Then don't worry about it because we're not opening the gate so you won't be able to get in so just go home. Look, I might be a bit poorly but I can get over a bloody gate. Is this... is this helping anything?

I don't know what to say. He's poisoned you, Eli. Oh, Ash. He's poisoned you against me. No, Ash, but there's a time and a place, you know, for grievances. It's really inappropriate. I'm going to be entering whether you like it or not. The fans want it, I should imagine.

No, they don't want any more entering. Go home, Ash, go home. Gannon's Golden Games. He's taken the wind out of it somewhat. Oh, he couldn't. I've just got to warm up. It's Gannon's Golden Games. It's Gannon's Golden Games.

It's Gannon's Golden Games. It's Gannon's Golden Games. It's Gannon's Golden Games. Yes, it is. It's Ganon's Golden Games. And now we are going to play an edition of that I wanted to bring back. A while ago, we did an episode with Ashton's and we played a game called... Ganon's Golden Games. Ganon's Golden Games. I'll kill you. And I'll tear the skin from your body.

Helping. And I'll wear your skin and your body. Helping. And I'll wear your skin and then make disgusting pornography in your skin. Well, no one will watch it. And I'll give you the skin back. No one will watch it.

And release the pornography online. They'll all be crying. And everyone will think Eli's a dirty man. No, they won't. They'll be crying because I'll be dead.

They'll think you're a dirty man. You'll be in jail. You're a dirty man. It's a game, guys. Yeah, it's a game. It's a game. So, we're going to play What's That Smell?

Yeah! But I'm not going to play it. Yeah, it's a game of Golden Games. So we're going to play What's That Smell? Yeah! But I'm not going to play it. Unfortunately, Mr. Buffo has once again been required to sit on this seat and play... What's That Smell? What's That Smell? Poo-Wall, Poo-Wall, What's That Smell? Game of Golden Games. What's That Smell?

I'm glad you're coming over here because I've got a little someone who's a little someone here. He'll be glad to see you. I'm going off to the side, Mike. Who is it? It's Keith, everybody. It's Keith. Keith's going to see his old daddy, basically. Oh, God.

Oh, he's got... Do you want a half of it? Yeah, I'm curious because you've been telling me that it's a bit... It's musty but sharp. It's got vinegary-ness, doesn't it?

Oh, no! Don't! Actually, it's quite comforting. How is that? Do you know what I mean? It's quite comforting. It's not that bad. It's like an old pillow.

Yes, or something like that. It's very dusty. It's like my nan's pillow. Keith, he has a musty hole. Keith, his little witch's hole. Keith, you keep it nice and clean. Keith, his little witch's hole. Keith, you keep it nice and clean. Keith, you talk to me in my dreams. Can I smell Keith?

Keith is, yeah. Oh, I can't do it. Can I smell his witch hole? Yes, but that's the power hub. Oh, you're right. Eli, show to the camera closer. You know what, there is something quite... Horrible?

Have you tried those weird Polish snacks that look like waffles? Oh, yeah, like those cheeseball things. Yeah, or they're like packaging noodles. You're all horrible. No, that camera, because I can't switch it. I'll be honest, I like Keith's smell. Here comes Keith, everybody. Hello, waving.

Hey. Yeah, and look, there's his hole. It's my son. That's where the dream messages come out. My son has a big musty hole. Right? I have got a bunch of smells. I'm going to rub them and then I'll put them under your nose.

This is where I get my revenge, mate. I'm going to fucking name that smell. I'm an ol' fat powerhouse. Really? Tell me about a smell that you identified. Pestle. That's an easy one. All right.

Keith. Keith's hole. I could smell Keith out from a million paces. Jar sniffer. Yeah. I think Keith should be out for this. Here are the rules. Write the rules in the symbol.

Oh, we have to eat beans. I am going to scratch the card and hold it under your nose. You'll both have to sniff it, and then after that, you'll give me what you think it is. We'll take turns on who gets the first guess. Whoever gets closest wins the point. Whoever doesn't arbitrarily will get one of these new Double Dare Bean Games. There are flavours such as cola or dog food.

Oh, that's an old one. Strawberry or chilli. That's a new one. Oh, that's a new one. That's easy. Tropical or sardine. Oh, that's an old one. Strawberry or chilli. That's a new one. That's a new one. That's easy. Tropical or sardine. Lemon or garbage. Garbage.

Garbage. Bubblegum or mouthwash, which is if you have... A mouthwash? Watch. Is that when there's a ghost in your mouth? Is that you from Apple? Is that when there's going to be a burglary in your mouth? Or watermelon or cabbage.

You've had a few pipes in your mouth, haven't you? Haven't you? Haven't you? If you're quite fucking finished. I hope people get that reference. I will spin the beans when it's time. Are you ready for your first smell? Who would like to go first?

I'm happy to go first all seconds. You can go first then. Okay. Here is your first smell. I'm going to rub the card. Here we go. Rubbing the card. Rubbing the card.

Rubbing the card. Rubbing the card. Give me the card. And sniff it. Rub the card on camera. No one knows you're rubbing the card. Sniff. I know what it is.

You've had a sniff. Give it back. I'm not sure. Give him another go. Give him another it is. You've had a sniff. Give it back. I'm not sure. Give him another go. Give him another scratch on. No, he's had a long enough sniff. Otherwise, this game will go on forever. I know exactly what that was.

I'll go to Eli first then. What did you think the first one was? Dill pickles. Pickle. What do you think it was, Mr. Biffo? I was going to say gherkins. Gherkins. Stroke, dill, which are the same thing.

I'm going to write gherkins. Gherkins. Stroke, deal, which is the same thing. I'm going to write gherkins. Just take my bets. Just so. No, don't. If that comes up as deal, it's probably an American game. It is. And that's why the answer's pickles. And Eli gets the point.

And Biffo gets the bean. Oh. Fuck off. Look at that. So, oh, pickle point. We should write it down. I wrote it down. This is going to sound like a sidewalk.

It's getting it. We should write it down. This doesn't work well. I call time on this Ganon Golden game because we need to write our answers down, Paul. We need to write our answers down. It doesn't make any sense. I could have just copied what Eli said. Okay, we're ready now.

We're ready. We will write down our answers. I like that. It could be a new thing. Paper Man. This is my new thing. Paper Man. This is my new thing. Paper Ghost. Paper Ghost.

Here is smell number two. Ready? Here is smell number two. Biffo gets it first. Okay. I'm getting a whiff of it from here. Here we go. Pass it to Eli.

Yeah, I've got a good feeling. You can write it down. I haven't got a pen. What is that? What is that smell? You do? Give us the card. All right.

Write down. You smell? Oh, he's writing it down. Just so you know, everybody, ladies and gentlemen, he's writing it down. Pass the pen to Eli, please. And Eli is now writing his answer down, which will be for...

Oh, look at my new character, Paper Ghost. Right. I'm trying not to encourage that, by the way. Mr Biffo, what did you write as your answer? Burger, cheese or otherwise. Burger, he writes. So, Eli, what did you say? Garlic.

Garlic. The answer is... Eli's right, isn't he? Garlic. Oh, so it's a bean for Biffo. i love this smell game i'm telling you i'm running i'm doing such a controversy i backed out of a bean i love a smell i love a smell me i love a smell off yeah you're right garlic as soon as you said it it was like i made a terrible. That's weird because it's contextless. You have to sort of...

Watermelon or cabbage. A green one. Pick one. Oh, I'm interested because cabbage might be nice. Cabbage is one of my least favourite things. Really? Oh, no. But I do like red cabbage quite a lot.

You've got something to wash it down with there. Yeah, that's true. There you go. Bean. Bean. What is it? Cabbage or watermelon? Watermelon.

Oh, this happened last time where every bean he had was lovely. I've got dill pickle and garlic fingers. Yeah, I'm still smelling the garlic in mine. Next card. It's a very strong odour, isn't it? Here we go. Next card. Scratching it now.

I'm scratching it. Eli gets to smell first this time. Bring it to me. Here we go. Pass it on. Oh, it's a bad smell. Sniff it again. I'm hard.

I'm not hard. It's hard. He's hard. Oh, what is it? But what is it? Here's the penny, like. Have a go. What do you think that is?

God, you're going to pass out if you keep doing it that way. It reminds me of something. Yeah, the smell. that's on the card. Can you just scrap it for him? Scrape it. Well, it reminds me of the Jorvik Centre in York. We'll put that down.

Oh, God. It might be the answer. It's unpleasant. Are any of these unpleasant? They're all unpleasant. Some of them could be unpleasant, yes. Yeah. No, they're all unpleasant.

I've picked out all the unpleasant ones. So they're all going to be horrible. I like gherkins. Gherkins taste real good. Why can't we gherkins? All garlic. All garlic. They're not unpleasant, you weirdo.

Food stuff, you weirdo. Number three. Have you both written down your answers? Your wife's ganging up on you here. Have you both written down your answers? I've written down my answer. Right, in that case, it was you first, wasn't it, last time? So I'll do Mr Biffo now.

I'm writing garbage. Right, so he writes garbage. What have you written? Good guess. I thought it was a nappy, like a full nappy. Nappy. Let's have a look on the card. You could catch up here because I don't like those bad ones.

It is simply fart. Oh, that's bullshit. Fart. That doesn't smell like anyone's fart. If someone did a fart like that, I'd be like, off to the doctors. It's like... Off to the doctors. You're both getting a bean.

You need a fart. That's what Vikings smell like. Vikings. In the Orvick Centre in York. Flick the bean. Pick one. The dog food one's alright. I kind of like it.

I've got nothing to wash this down with. Flick it. Here we go. Oh, it's lemon or garbage. I can smell dog food on this already. Eat it. Eat it now. Eat it now.

Eat it now. No, kind of. Oh, fuck off. What have you got, Mr. Biffo? Lemon. How is it you're only getting... Nicens. That's quite nice, that one.

Next smell. Here we go. I don't want to. Biffo first this time. He's having a huff. Really huffing hard. He's h nice, that one. Next smell. Here we go. I don't want to. Biffo first this time. He's having a huff. Really huffing hard. He's huffing too hard. I told you my nose isn't very good.

Oh, God. Right, pass it on. All right. Give us another rub. I want another rub on it. I want another rub on it. Why? You hate it so much.

A rub my nub. Oh. Write down your answer now. I don't like how definite you are with these. I'm just guessing at the sort of things that it might be. Is it me to say first? It is you this time. Give me the pen, please. I'd say burnt rubber or I will accept rubber.

So you're going to say rubber, right? Burnt rubber. I think it's burnt rubber. Biffo, what do you say? Body odour. B-O. The answer is cheese. This is shit. What a load of shit. Rubbish.

These don't smell like anything. They don't smell like anything other than pickles. Bullshit. It's not your choice. You're doing it randomly. Green. Garbage or... No, yeah.

Garbage or... Cabbage or watermelon. I don't care. Here we go. Next. That is cabbage, though. Why are you doing this? My turn. I need to spit it. No,. Next. That is cabbage, though. Why are you doing this? My turn.

I need spitty. No, eat it. Mouthwash or bubblegum. Mouthwash is fine. I need spitty. I need spitty. Bubblegum. In that glass.

That empty glass right there. I need it now. So you got the nice one again. No, I got mouthwash, but it's quite nice. Yeah, that's what I thought. Mouthwash is quite nice. Just mint. We do it every morning.

Yes. It's like, oh, what do you want? Bubble gum, which is nice, or mouthwash, which is also refreshing. Happy now? Do you know what isn't nice? What? The cabbage one. Really not.

That's what they've gone for, that essence of it. I'm curious. You see, I want to try all the bad ones. There's four more left, but you can pick one each. We'll do two more. So, Biffo. One each. Why can't I rub it?

Because you just picked it. Shut up. Let me rub my own. I'm going to rub it now. Here's the next card. Rubbing it, rubbing it, rubbing it. Rubbing it just like that. Smell that.

Oh, Christ. I've got the taste of cabbage in my mouth. Eli's turn. That's a bad one. I might have to have a little turn for the worst here. The paper's gone, Paul. That's bad, isn't it? That's strong.

Any ideas what you think that might be, Eli? I've got an idea. I don't have to write it down. I've got it. All right. In that case, I'll go with you first. Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea? No. What do to write it down. I've got it. All right. In that case, I'll go with you first. Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea?

No. What do you think it was? Rubber. No. The answer is bad breath. What? They're all getting mixed up in the box, mate. Yeah.

I can't do this anymore. Spin the beans. I thought there'd be some nice smells. I'm engulfed. I'm doing it. I'm engulfed. I'm bad smell. I'm engulfed in a cabbage mouth.

Bad smell. Spin it. Cabbage mouth. Spin it. What are the choices here, Paul? Cabbage or watermelon. I'm getting cabbage. Yeah, you are, mate.

You are, mate. You fucking are. I'm getting cabbage. Lemon or garbage. I don't want it. Lemon or garbage. Can we wrap this show up? One more. We've got one more card to do. Lemon or garbage, Eli? Lemon or garbage. Can we wrap this show up? One more.

We've got one more card to do. Lemon or garbage, Eli? Lemon or garbage? All right, Eli. Do you want card number? Oh, thank God. That's so bad. The cabbage is so bad.

I don't care what fucking card. Which card do you want? The middle one. Middle one. Final card. Fucking hell. Right, here we go. Oh, it's the cheeky number.

Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, you know what it is? I do, because I have to know the answer, don't I? Here we go. He's using his farts again. Smell it. What's that? What is that stench?

Jorvik Centre. What happened to you in the Jorvik Centre? We'll never know. What do you think that is? Viking touch me. What do you think that is? I'm not sure. Come on. No idea. I think that's like burnt rubber.

I said that on the last one. I know, but I think that one is. Right. You say burnt rubber. What do you say this time? Piss. Piss. The answer is gasoline. Apparently. These are supposed to be nasty ones. The nasty ones aren't very accurate. In that case, it's bean time for you both. No. One more time. And it's Ganon spin. No. Da da da da da da da. I can't. Tropical. Tropical or sardine? These ones. Yeah, that one. Hold off.

I've still got the cabbage. Here we go, man. Mate, you don't want sardine. Here we go. Oh, it's going to be... I'm smelling the Jorvik Centre now. Oh, you've got the same one. So it's either sardines or... But I like sardines to eat.

Or tropical. I know, but it's not going to be like that. Sardines or tropical. Yeah, you know. Eat them. Eat the bean now. I'm stillardines to eat. Or tropical. I know, but it's not going to be like that. Sardines or tropical. Yeah, you know. Eat them. Eat the bean now. I'm still smelling the last card. I smell the card.

I smell the card. Like all the... It goes up there. Yeah. Eat it. Eat the bean. Oh, tropical. Oh, tropical.

What have you got? Oh, no, actually. No, sardine. Bye-bye. Oh, dear. That's not so good, is it? Oh, that's too bad. bye bye oh dear yay well i think that's welcome to digitizer everyone welcome to digitizer digitizer what are we talking about on the show today? They're talking about some old tat.

Silverman. I found some fucking hot sauce, everyone. Should we just drink some? Shut up. Let's just drink some. Put some in those little cups. It's time to wrap up the show. So can you piss off?

Silverman, are you ready? We've got to wrap this up now. We've got a big closing number to do. What's the number? Wait there. What's the number? We've got that big song number we're going to do. Remember, I wrote that song for us to do.

I haven't even touched my booze all night because I've been too busy being a tinker. Oh, for fuck's sake. Don't even answer, man. Let's just stop the show. Let's just get to the end of the show And then we can deal with that It'll call back Oh fucking hell

Alright What do you want? We're nearly done The show's over Go home You're wrapping up now are you? Yes We're wrapping up now

Gonna have to come out Admittedly I couldn't get over the fence You were right However Can't stay in there all night Can you? can't stay in there all night, can you? Can't stay in there all night Biffo, will you just go check the door, please? Yep, I'm off

See? See if he's there Ash, will you fucking go away, alright? Because there's absolutely no need for you to be here tonight So go home, you fucking wanker! He's on go Yeah, Ash! wanker! He's hung up. What's he doing? What's he doing? What's going on?

It's going a bit far now. Will you sort that out? It's six. It's no ash. Come on. Wait, wait, wait. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that. What the fuck are you doing? What's going on? Get, wait. Get him out. Get him out. Keep him outside.

Keep him outside. Go away, mate. Go away. There's no need, there's no, go away, what have you done? Where's, Biffo's on the floor. Mate, call the, keep him out. Where's my phone though? I can't keep him out, the door is pushing against it. We've got to get the police to come down the other side. Mate, call the police or something then, because right now I'm holding the door back, alright? Leave it. Leave it right now.

He's fucking killing it. He's coming! He's coming! Fucking help! Stop him! I'm a priest! Stop him! No, stop him!

No! God, don't do it! Paul! Paul! Paul! Paul! I'm a priest! Paul!

I'm a priest! Paul! Paul! Paul! I'm a priest! Paul! Paul! Paul! Paul! I am Ashfrith! Paul! Oh, Sprogg brought it all back a bit, Paul, that. Yeah, no, it ended pretty grisly. In case you weren't quite clear, Ashfrith broke into the studio, violently attacked Mr Biffo, and then pushed Eli slightly, whereas I got an

axe to the arm. Actually, I got a quite nasty concussion, actually, Paul. And I lost an arm and a bollock, both of which were taken by a naughty dog. But didn't they found you another arm? I can see it there. Yeah, I don't know whose arm this is. It's just stitched on. It's why it's slightly

more... Why does it have like a teardrop tattoo on it, I wonder? I don't know, maybe the person who had it was sad. No, they've given you a fucking inmate's arm, mate. Oh! Oh! Oh, I can't control my arm! You better control your bloody arm! I can't, look at this! I'm getting nursey! I'm getting nursey! You're getting more. You're getting hurt. I can't control my arm, Eli. Control your fucking arm. I'll sit on it. Oh, that's an idea, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh, hello. I've just had a thought. Oh, yeah. It's not too bad having a different arm. Why? Because it feels like someone else's arm. Yeah.

When you wank. Yeah. Stuff it up your arse. Feels like someone else's arm up your arse. Well, it'd be hard to distinguish any hand from another if they were up my arse. It's almost dinner time, Paul. It's almost dinner. What do you think they'll have today?

Fish pie? I don't care. I know what I'd like. What? A bit of matron's fish pie. Right, well, anyway. Give me a mackerel cup. That's all for us in our 200th episode.

Give us a slice of the salmon, darling. If you want to know what happened to me and Eli following the events of 200... We did record the audio. Let me get this out. They're on route to give me salmon on crout. Ow, ow, ow.

Oh, me hand. Oh, me hand. Right. Listen. We recorded what happened Ow, ow, oh me hand, oh me hand. Don't put your hand down. Nurse! Right, listen. I'm pushing the button, you need that hand. We recorded what happened following the episode 200 and that will be our Halloween special where you'll get to find out just what happened after Ash attacked, what happened to Biffo and how we ended up in the hospital.

I'm ready for my soapy tit wank bath. So the... This narrative will continue in Halloween and we'll be back for next week. Say thank you to the patrons and stuff. I'm going to do that now. Thank you to everyone who made our 200th episode. Very special.

Thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon. If you'd like to join them, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. And that's fun. You can give money there. Also, the website, thecheapshow.co.uk for pictures accompanying this episode and, of course, the video footage of the live Twitch stream.

What else? I'm on at Paul Gannon's show at the Cheap Show pod and Eli is... Eli Snoid, E-L-I-S-N. What? O-I-D. Sorry, without the what. It's not E-Snoid-l-what-oid or whatever it is.

Hang on. Paul, if you're not going to eat, because you're allergic to fish, if you're not going to have your fish pie, could I have yours? I mean, you could have got the alternative. What is it? It's like a big egg. They do big eggs in this hospital. So, that was episode 200.

Join us next week. Thank you. So that was episode 200 join us next week and Thank you It's gone up it's me it's I can't it's not my hand Oh good. Nurse! I've made a terrible mess by accident! Help! Sorry, nurse! He'll be angry.

Talk about fish crouton! Bye, everyone! Bye!