CheapShow - Ep 202: I Know What You Did Last Episode (Mono Version)

Episode Date: October 30, 2020

For our special Halloween episode for 2020, we finally reveal just exactly what happened after the massacre at the end of their live 200th episode Twitch event. With a blood soaked studio and a crazed fair weather co-host, Paul and Eli run out into the nearby forest to escape a grisly end. Will they survive the night? Who knows? It's a evening filled with violent murder, terrible cheap eats, blood curdling board games and a safe house containing quite a lot of Gannon's Ghostbusters tat. If Ash doesn't finish off Paul, it's very likely Eli will do the job for him... Ash knows where they are hiding. He is watching them. Ready to strike! This episode has been presented in stereo and mono editions - make sure you have chosen the right listening presentation for you! (80s Synth Horror themes by White Bat Audio on YouTube) This is the MONO version. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-201-i-know-what-you-did-last-epi If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid with @ashfrith @mrbiffo Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow-tony/shop Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

Previously on Cheap Show. that. I'll call back. Oh, fucking hell. Alright. What do you want? We're nearly done. The show's over. Go home. You're wrapping up now, are you? Yes, we're wrapping up now. Gonna have to come out. Admittedly, I couldn't get over the fence. You were right. However, can't stay in there

all night, can you? Can't stay in there all night. Biffo, will you just go check the door, please? Yep, I'm off. See? there all night! Biffo, will you just go check the door please? Yep, I'm off. See? See if he's there. Ash, will you fucking go away, alright? Because there's absolutely no need for you to be here tonight. So go home you fucking wanker!

He's hung up. Yeah, Ash! Ash, fuck off mate. What's he doing? What's he doing? What's he doing? Ash, shh! Ash, shh! No, you're not trying to scare me. Why are you wearing that social distancing mask thing? Fuck. Hang on.

Ash, what are you doing with that? Put that down. What's going on? It's going a bit far now. Will you sort that out? It's six. No, no ash. Come on. It's not- Wait, wait, wait! Don't do that! Don't do that!

Don't do that! Don't do that! What the fuck you doing? What's going on? Get, wait! Get him out! Get him out! Keep him outside!

Keep him outside! Get, go away mate. Go away! There's no need! There's no- Go away! What have you done? Wait! Biffo's on the floor! Mate, call the- Keep him out! There's no- Yo, what have you done?! Where's-

Biffo's on the floor! Mate, call the- Keep him out! Where's my phone though? I can't keep him out! The door! He's pushing against it! We gotta get the police to come down the other side! Call the police or something then! Because right now, I'm holding the door back, alright?

Leave it! Leave it right now! He's fucking killing it! He's coming! He's coming! Fucking hell! Stop it! I'm a priest! Stop it! No! Stop it! No! God damn do it!

Paul! Paul! Paul! Paul! I'm a priest! Paul! Okay, it's on. Paul! Come on! I insist! Paul! It's on. Paul! Come on!

Come on! Fucking hell! It ruins me all! Paul come on! We haven't got time! We'll deal with that later! We have to get out of here! We've got to get out of here!

Come on! He's following us! I know! I know! Just keep running! Down there! Into the woods! I'm not going in the woods!

I want my arm! Come on mate! You've got to come. Oh, fucking hell, man. Come over here, darling. Come on, don't be frightened. Oh, Jimmy, you are bad. Oh, I know, darling. I just thought...

What's my name? Julia. Julia, yeah, I knew it. You fucking didn't know it come on lucky I'm gushing at the gusset and I'm ready for some

oh Julia extra marital oh Julia I'm bad I've got no morals man come over here I want to show you a little spot

what are you going to show me I want to show you a little spot in the woods for us to do some right dirty pig fucking oh but look it's pretty dark down here. Don't be frightened, darling.

We're in the middle of the woods. Don't you worry. It's very damp and dark. A bit like my gusset. Oh, dear. Oh, I haven't shaved. Come on. I haven't shaved.

Is that all right? Look at this. Look at this lovely, perfect penis. I've got no morals. Look at it. You want a bit of it in your mouth? I fucking want it. More than air.

Oh, it's lovely. It's lovely. I'm going to put it in. All right, zip. Here we go. You'll have to do the zip sound. I'll just pull the gusset aside because it's very... All right, here we go.

Very... In it goes. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh of my fucking copper hammer. There was something there. Oh never mind. Come on. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! It's always the fucking same. Shhh, shhh. Who's that? There is a bloke over there. What's he doing?

Does he want to go with you? Why is he wearing a mask? He made me one of these doggers. Get him. Come on. You come, you load. Get him to come over here and do me. Here, mate.

Come over here and boff the tots off this one. I haven't got no morals at all. It's almost like I deserve to die in your eyes, my lord. I'm at risk. What are you doing, mate? No! Woo! I've got no morals at all, it's almost like I deserve to die in the eyes of the Lord. I'm at risk! What are you doing mate? No! I'm paying for my sins! I shouldn't have been such a slag!

I really shouldn't. Thank you. I can't go any further. I know, I know. Sit down here. Sit down here. I think we've lost him. He went off into a different part of the woods. Just sit down. Fucking hell, mate. Your arm's off. I know. Your arm's off. I know.

It's bleeding bad, Paul. What am I going to do? I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him.

I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. I'm going to go and get him. Just sit down. Fucking hell, mate. Your arm's off. I know. Your arm's off. It's bleeding bad, Paul.

What am I going to do? I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die of no blood. I took a real... I'm going to die of no blood. I smashed my head real bad. Yeah, I've got no arm.

I've got no arm. What am I going to do? I'm going to bleed to death. I've got to cauterise it or something. Have you got any fire? I don't have anything. I've got a lighter. Hang on. Hang on. What are you doing?

I was looking. I might have a little scrimmage. It's not the time to scrimmage. Look, I'm trying to save your fucking life, Paul. I can't move at all. Just don't. Just relax for a minute. Try and bleed slowly. Try and bleed slowly. Okay, I'm going to put...

Look, I've got this... Mate. What? I've got this Lynx African Marmite spray. No, what are you, I don't, it's not the time to... I'll burn it, I'll light it and I'll burn it and I'll cauterise it. There's nothing else we can do now. I know, all right.

Look, and he's going to come back probably back down. All right, all right, just do it, do it, do it, just do it, just do it. All right, you ready? No. One. No. Two. No, no, I'm not ready.

Whoa, no, no. I'll do it, I'm going to do it anyway. All right, go on, one. Two. Two. Three. No, I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it. You're bleeding a lot, mate. I'm never... Alright, okay.

I'm just going to do it. One. Oh, no. Fuck you. Oh, God. You've still got it. Okay. No, don't shut it.

Okay. Don't worry about it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to be sick. No, don't shat it.

I'm going to be sick as well. It was for your own good. Just let it all go mate. Paul, just try not to shit yourself so loudly. Or vomit so loudly. I understand you've been injured. Right, good news. Good news Paul. I've got no arm.

Yeah, you've got no arm, that's bad. But good news, it's cauterised quite nicely. It looks like a steak round your arm. It's like a steak. It's all like a medium rare. What are we going to do? We've got to keep going. We've got to get to someone who can take us in. Mate, mate, look. I've got a place round here. What? Look. You've got a place round here?

I've got a place round here, right. What kind of place? A little place I keep secrets. Well, if we go, we'll be safe. He might have found it already. He might be waiting there for us. No, no, no. Where is it?

Like further that way? Yeah, it's up that way. There's this little old... Up round there? Up round there. It's all round there. If you go round there, it's up round there. Okay, it's round that way. There's this little old... Up round there? Up round there. It's up round there. If you go up round there, it's up round there. Okay, it's round here then.

It's somewhere up round there. But basically, it's a disused gentleman's... Do you know where it fucking is? Yeah, it's a disused gentleman's toilet. But I use it to stash stuff. Shh. Secrets, secrets. What, is there food there?

Yeah, it's got food. I've got games. You need some fucking water. Ah, I've got some stuff. Look, it's... Your arm's back in the fucking studio. Let me just check Google Maps. You can't.

You've only got one arm. I'm just going to check the map. I know where we are. Just stop for a second. See where we are. You're checking the map with one hand. Yeah. It's face activated, isn't it?

Why don't we just call an ambulance? And the police. Well, shh. Shh. No. Shh. Can't do that. It's a horror film, isn't it? We can't do that it's a horror film

we can't do that oh my phone's got no reception your phone's got no reception oh but the internet works the internet works and I can check maps

okay that's seems credible oh it's it's just over there it's about a mile away up round there up round there a mile away

come on are you ready to walk yet yeah alright careful just shake off some of that poo that's just all pooling around your trouser legs. That's bedded in. That's staying. It's bedded in. It's bedded in.

It's baked in. It's become a feature. Have you got clothes at this place that you can change into? Yeah, I've got a uniform. Come on then. Uniform. Come on then. Alright, follow me, follow me, I know where it is, it's just behind this... Oh! Oh no!

I thought you had no reception. We plot convenience. Tell them to call the police who it is. Hello? Where are you two off to then? I can see you and I'm coming for you. You know that don't you? Call it off. Call it off. We're sorry.

What's happened to Biffo? Never mind about Biffo. Never mind about you two. No one will remember you anyway. Oh no they'll remember us. They'll remember my cheeky smile and Eli's smile. Actually, he had his arm off. You're going to jail mate. His arm's off. I just had to cauterise him.

Just stop. That is, I was going for his penis and leg, but his arm will do. Just stop. Where are you? Where are you? Show yourself, you fiend. In time. Fuck, he's gone. Let's get to the fucking... Let's just go. Let's just go.

We'll just have to see if he's there. I'll flame throw him. He won't find it. I think there's some of this Marmite links left. Unless Ash is very familiar with Disuse Mel's toilets. You saw him stomping around. You saw him chase us down in the front. I know, but he doesn't know the toilet hideout, does he? Come to my toilet hideout.

He might have an extensive knowledge of where... I've just said that, didn't I? Well, then he'll know where it is. I've got this phantom thing where I'm pointing at you if you harm I don't have. It's weird. can you feel it oh oh oh oh ghostly it's got a ghost arm right no don't put it away my ghost arm touching your nubbin come on give the nubbin some laughing give nubbin some loving come on focus we've got to get to the house. Come on, let's go. You got any porn there? Yeah.

Oh dude, this is totally a cool donger man. Dude, I'm just like so high right now. Oh my god, I'm so super high dude. You've got like the coolness of reaching up the vertebrae, one vertebrae at a time, dude. Me. And it's, like, going up and going up. And then it reaches my fucking cerebellum.

And then it's like a shower, like a golden shower. Dude. A light all coming out my head. Oh, super dude. Dude. Dude. I'm smoking this top grass, man. What's that stuff called?

It's called Halifax mallet. A Halifax mallet is the shit, my dude. Drugs are the best, dude. I love drugs. I'm totally irresponsible. Yeah. I just smoke drugs all the time. My mum don't like it.

My dad don't like it. I say, hey, listen, man. Hey, listen, man.'ll do what I want. I'll do what I fucking like man. Yeah man. Yeah dude. Yeah groovy man. Wait.

Aye, I'm Ashford. Who's that over there man? What's that? That's my man. That's my man. He's bringing down the loads dude. Hey man, he looks kinda weird though dude. Yeah, he's called Slip-Eye Jack. Slip-Eye Jack man. Hey Jack! Hey Jack! Jack, man, come on. Hey, Jack!

I must free. Yeah, that don't seem to... That don't look like Slippard Jack, dude. In fact, that man's got a big axe, dude. I must free. Oh, my God, he's totally raising it above his head, dude. I must free. Oh, that's cool. above his head, dude. Aye, my sweet. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Oh, not cool. Not cool, dude. It's not cool. They totally got gross and groovy, dude. Hey. It's so not good, dude. He's pulling out my guts, dude.

Oh, God, your guts, man. That's gnarly. That's so super gnarly. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aye, my sweet. I'm free Is that it? Yeah, it's just

It's that little It's that little toilet space there It looks like a little cottage design Yeah Okay Yeah, fight Right, where's the keys? Give me the keys

They're in my pocket You're going to have to get it out Because I've only got one arm Well, no, you can use that arm To get No Paul, this is not the time It's definitely the time In my pocket. You're going to have to get it out because I've only got one arm. Well, no, you can use that arm to get... No. Paul, this is not the time. It's definitely the time.

It's not the time. For you to reach in. No, look... And grab the keys. I'll fucking... Just... I will fucking... Just give me the keys.

Put your hand in and get the keys. I'm not putting my hand in there. Right, okay. Got hard for nothing. All right, so it's this one? Yeah, that one. That one. Here we go. Right.

It's quite big in here. It's quite big? No, I cleaned out all the shit and the piss. Turn the big light on it's not bad is it that's nice you know what paul well i'm starving i've got to have something to eat and drink what have you got i've got some food around the rations i've got some beans or no i've got some water listen mate what you've stumbled upon yeah what is this place? It's Paul Gannon's secret Ghostbusters safe house stash building. What? So all my Ghostbusters stuff I'm not allowed to keep in my flat because I'm an adult and I'm not meant to have toys in.

So apparently I've got to keep it in a number of safe houses around the country that I can get to that people don't know about. How much stuff do you have? I've got proton packs, I've got books, I've got toys, costumes, things. I mean, I've not got it all here. I've got some in the West Midlands, I've got some in Aberdeen, one in Ireland. I've just got them all spread out so you people, they can't touch them and take them. This is like a whole separate life you've got that's different from...

It's just what I need to do to protect my interests. I just can't believe it. What's going on? But look, look. Give me some beers or water. The point I'm trying to make is the stuff I have here, the food I have here, is going to be solely Ghostbusters related, unfortunately. So what I've got is a selection of Ghostbusters snacks for us to eat today. Let me just get them.

Whatever. Whatever it is, Matt. I'm starving. I've got a real knock on the head back there. Yeah, I've lost an arm. Right? It's hard carrying boxes for the one arm. All right, bring them over.

Come on. There we go. I'll feed you. Right. Because you've only got one arm, I can feed you. You can feed me. I'll feed you. You know what?

Don't, actually. Why not? Because I've got one arm that works. I'd like to feed you. I could feed you. You can feed me. I'll feed you. You know what? Don't, actually. Why not? Because I've got one arm that works. I'd like to feed you. I could feed you good. I want my ghost arm to touch your nubbin. Oh, no. You said later. Now it's later. No, just get the food out and start it. Right, okay, so I went to

B&M a few weeks ago, right, and they are selling, and I think this is because the Ghostbusters Afterlife movie was meant to be out this year, right? But it's been pushed back, has it? It's been pushed back till 2021 now. It gets released on June 8th or whatever I think it is. Anyway, the point is that B&M have released all this kind of

Halloween-type Ghostbusters-themed suites. Oh, okay. And they don't look great. They're all green. They're all Slimer-based, aren't they? Yeah, because unfortunately when it comes to Ghostbusters merchandise there's one or two things you've got to realise. One, anything that's going to be slapped on it is going to be Slimer, Marshmallow Man or the Ghostbusters logo.

So things are going to be white, green or red. Don't they have the dogs? They could do stuff with the dogs, couldn't they? You're obsessed with thinking about what people could do with dogs. No, I'm not. Dirty boy. The hell dogs. The hell dogs. Or hell dogs. Yeah. Or they could have fridges.

They could all have all sorts of stuff. They could have gozer dogs that poop out little brown cola jelly beans. I'd be up for that. I'd be up for that. Or a little gozer dog that hides in a couch. When you press a button, it pops out and goes, ruff.

What is a platter topper? Well, it's a bullshit phrase. So let's just break down the three things I've got. One, Ghostbusters slime pies. They are mallowed filled wafer cups dipped in chalk flavoured coating. Like a fake ice cream, isn't it, basically? It looks like a fake ice cream. Yeah.

Then I've got Ghostbusters slime chalk marshmallows. Soft mallows enrobed in chalk flavoured coating. They haven't gone for... I think we've tasted other stuff that was Ghostbusters themes, and they've gone for the green... They've gone for lime, haven't they? For Slimer? Yeah.

Well, I don't know if it's just coring. But that's not lime. Do you think it would be just coring? No, it would say lime flavour. It's just marshmallow flavour. It's just vanilla, literally. Yeah, true. Gluten-free, no artificial colours.

What about that? Is that gluten-free? That ice cream cone has got some gluten in it it's gluten up it's gluten chocka chock gluten

chock gluten what's the company that makes this it's all the same oh no Rose manufactured by Rose Manufacturing

Edenbury Ireland there you go and then finally you know what Paul actually there's a fucking history of Rose Manufacturing in this box.

In 1983, rose manufacturing opened its doors, delighting customers with its wonderfully fluffy mallows and confectionery treats. They're the mallow experts, aren't they? They try and put mallow in anything. They'll put a skin on a mallow, won't they? They'll just take anything, like Dallas. Dallas mallows. My mother wants a wedding.

Mallow. Yeah. My daddy just died My mother wants a wedding. Mallow. My daddy just died. We need a cake. Mallow. To my graduation. Mallow. Oh, I've got a terrible heat efficiency in my house. I need some kind of insulating foam.

Mallow. What else? Do you do anything else here? Mallow. We do mallows. Roses mallows. Roses? No, mall here? Mallow. We do mallows. Roses, mallows. Roses? No, mallows.

Mallow, roses. Confectionery treats. Rose still sell all your old favourites. What are mallow favourites? Maybe it's those kind of tea cake things. You know, the biscuits with the teak. Are they called snowballs as well? Yes.

Things like that. Things like that. You know, it's like a biscuit, mallow, coconut, chocolate coating. I'm not particularly fond of the whole concept and execution of mallows in the

world do you know what I mean it's a very bold stance to take I don't like marshmallows

I don't like them where would they go on your whole sort of list low yeah

it's low gummies chocolate foam candy foam and then before gummies

yeah or chewies you know chewies and gummies that kind of I love it yeah but that's what I mean

mallow doesn't no it's bullshit let me just finish the rose I like the little mallows you get in a

like Lucky Choms but they're kind of freeze dried that's because they're with the rest of the cereal they're nice as part of something but not just by themselves

they still sell all your old favourites transporting you back to those carefree days of your childhood. All of our confections have been made with love. Made with love, Paul.

To ensure sweet memories are still created every day. We hope you enjoy eating them as much as we enjoy making them. Fuck off. I don't reckon

they enjoy making them. Like some cunt in a factory putting mallow into a fucking ice cream cone and fucking loves his loves it. He don't reckon they enjoy making it Like some cunt in a factory putting Mallow into a fucking Ice cream cone And fucking loves it He don't love it You come home from the Mallow factory, how's your day been?

It's fucking terrible God, have I ever seen Mallow again in my whole days Mallow Mallow What's for dinner by the way? Mallow Mallow Mallow

Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow Mallow! Mallow, mallow, mallow, mallow, mallow, mallow, mallow, mallow, mallow. Shall we start on the first mallow item? I reckon we should start with the slime chalk marshmallows because that's got cone. We're going from just the chocolate marshmallow to the chocolate marshmallow and cone and then we'll go and end with jellies. Jellies.

We'll see how well Rose's do on jellies because they've told us they're mallow experts. Now I like the packaging, it's got good artwork from Ghostbusters. What, is that recognisable, that Slimer? That Slimer design is based on the Slimer from Ghostbusters 2 and that's just been

banging around on merch. Like, for instance, if you work for... Was it Slimer? Did Slimer's design change drastically between the first two movies? Yeah.

Much. Considerably big. Much. Much. Considerably bigly, yes. Yeah, bigly much. So so uh yeah but when you work for like okay so i used to work for warner brothers in a department where um when people were licensing things we had to look at where they were using the logos and the characters

and when a company like a candy company came to us we want to make a bugs bunny bunch of gummies we say to them here's the artwork you can use you can only use that yeah these are our licensed designs so this must be like a licensed design

owned by Ghost Corps yeah well Sony Ghost Corps yeah that they just go yeah you can use it slap these on it's got to have

the yellow and black sticker it's got to have that thing what is that part that didn't even didn't really feature until really Ghostbusters 2 with the X-Men 1A

but it's a weird which is warning tape I think actually trademark the release warning tape That didn't even... It didn't really feature until really Ghostbusters 2 with the X-Men 1A. Which is warning tape. I think actually trademark the release warning tape. For some reason they've got a real hard-on for warning tape with Ghostbusters merchandise. Yeah, that's what I mean, but it's not an actual trademark part of the art. No, not particularly.

But they do use it on almost every Ghostbusters product. Yeah, and it's not even a 2016 thing, because even the 2016 thing doesn't have a lot of police warning yellow tape. There is some in the first movie, and the people at the back of the... Yeah, but that's just a bollard thing. It's just a fence thing. Plastic bollard.

Right, so these are... Oh, they come in little green packets. That's good. Means they're fresh. I'm going to get a nice corner half on this one. Oh. Oh. Oh, I don't get that.

It's not much half at all, is there? The smell, it's a very cheap chocolatey smell. Oh, actually, it smells like Christmas chocolates. Yeah, Christmas chocolates. The ones you get in advent calendars. Yeah. Low quality advent calendars. Although I kind of like them.

How much were these, by the way, for the whole pack? Oh, for the box, this was £1.50. Both of these were £1.50. They look like Tannock's tea cakes. They look just like Tannock's tea cakes. Yeah, they've got the little biscuit bottom. I bet these people make Tannocks. Rosie's Tannocks.

I'm sure I've heard that before, actually. I don't know. Maybe it's Tannocks who make Tannocks. I would make Tannocks. Do you know what? I thought it was Scottish Tannocks. Doctor. Doctor.

I've got a huge tunnock. Oh, Mr. Gannon, come in. How are your tunnocks playing up? Oh, they're chaffing so bad. I've got seepage from my tunnocks. Now, Paul. It's going all chopped melty. I better eat it. Do you know what? You did do that. Okay. Yeah, I did sniff it.

Yeah. Shall we? Yeah, let's have a bite. Is there a flavour? No, there's no flavour to the marshmallow. It's just green. It's not a very... I don't like this. I just don't. This is not one that makes me repulse to go...

It's just not much going on at all, is there? It's not a satisfying collection of flavours. The mallow is alright. No, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. The texture of the mallow is quite nice. I think the chocolate's a little bit better. It might be a bit more palatable. Also the green, look I'm doing a little colour test with the packaging. The green is much paler in real life and less close to the Slimer colour. Yeah, I mean that's fine. I mean if someone gave you that, you wouldn't think oh that's if someone gave you that... You'd eat the whole thing. You wouldn't think, oh, that's like Slimer.

No. You'd think it's a weird pale green... You'd think it had gone off. Are these marshmallows meant to be green? Exactly. Mama! Right, next. We're moving up to the slime pies.

Moving on up now. Which is exactly the same thing, but this time we're encased in one of those cheap cone... Ice cream cone. Are they waffles? Are they waffles? No, it's ice cream cone stuff. It's like rice paper. It's like wheat paper, you know?

Yeah. I don't like... It's not proper waffle cone ice cream stuff, is it? Yeah, it's the cheap one. Oh, this is melted. I can feel it. It's all watery inside. Are you sure?

Yeah. Feel it. Look, there. Oh, yeah. Pick another one, then. That one's ruptured in the packet. I mean, these are highly collectible. I shouldn't even be letting you eat these.

They're not collectible. These are meant to be something I give to my kids. Oh, fuck off, Paul. Oh, right, what have I got? Do you want me to help you open that? As you've only got one arm. Smells exactly like, uh, I used me dick. Oh, you did?

I used me big dick. Smells exactly the same. Looks better. Looks a bit better. It's got quite a bit of weight to it. It's top heavy isn't it? You would expect it to be lighter than that. It's got a fair weight. That mallow, bit of dense mallow. Don't put it near your, I'm just going to weight against both. What, against your knob? Slime pie. My dick. Come on. My dick. It says wafer on it. Slime pie. So it's wafer.

That doesn't look like good. Oh, that's just such terrible. Alright, here we go. My go. Oh! That colour's too soft for this. Oh! No! No! No! We've had our spit out!

No! It's the staleness of the wafer, isn't it? No. No. No. We've had a spit out. No. It's the staleness of the wafer, isn't it? That's it. The cardboardy staleness, yeah. It makes the whole thing worse. Yeah, a lot worse. Oh, God. Is anything on the bottom?

Is it all top heavy? It's pooled. Oh, God. It's pooled in the bottom. It's just like when I go round to my nan's place and go, Hi, Nan. And she'd go, do you want ice cream? And I was like, yeah.

And then she'd get up the block of ice cream that came in a wrapper. And then she'd get up this kind of cheap... Nasty, yeah. Wafer. Wafer. Put it between the two and it's just, oh, thanks, Nan. Oh, that's awful. It's really stale. Yeah, that's awful.

Are these in day? Yeah. Terrible. They just taste like cash. Those are considerably worse than the choc marshmallow pies. Ugh. And those were meant to be pies. Yeah.

Slime pies. Ugh. No, don't you think the choc marshmallows that we started with were much more... I got my tonic out and gave her a big slime pie. Right. Yeah, no, the slime choc marshmallows were more palatable because they were more honest. Yeah, no, the Slime Chocs marshmallows were more palatable because they were more honest. Yeah, no, they tasted better.

It's like marshmallow, it's fine. Now, gummy, by the way, if we're talking about gummies, I know it's not Ghostbuster themed, Paul, but I tried Welch's. You know Welch's grape? No. They do grape juice. They do sort of cheap grape juice, Welch's. Right. But they also do gummies in these little packs. They're like that size. They're like juice. They do sort of cheap, like, grape juice. Welch's. Right.

But they also do gummies in these little packs. They're like that size. They're like three by three inches. Is that the ones you get in the 80s where it was like in a mould? They're like fruit gums. No, then they're just like a little sachet like that. Right. You see them around?

Get some. They're top gummy, mate. Really nice gummies. Oh, I'll keep an eye out for that. Yeah. What's it called again? Welch's. Welch's.

They're like a fruit juice. They're like a Tropicana. They're like a fruit juice. They're like a Tropicana. They're like a fruit juice, sort of. Maybe it's the blood loss and the sugar, but I'm feeling funny. Alright, come on. Next. That's not exactly nourishing food, is it? Ghostbusters wobbly jelly platter toppers.

They're little pots of, I'd imagine, cheap jelly pots with gummy toppers of the Ghostbusters logo. As in jelly, but these might be nice. Hopefully. I'm going to slide them out, Paul. At worstbusters logo. As in jelly. These might be nice. Hopefully. I'm going to slide them out, Paul. At worst, they'll be flavourless jelly. How much is this?

It's really weighty. That's 250, this one. Yeah. You get quite a lot. You get quite a lot for what you get. Yeah, you get one, two,

six jelly pots. Do you need a spoon for this? We need a spoon for the jelly, don't we? Oh, yeah. And then you put a sweet on the jelly as a topper. I'll get some spoons, yeah?

Yeah, I've got a little kitchen space at the back. Okay, where is it? At the back. Is there a light back there? No. What if... And Andrew might be back there. Who's Andrew?

Just ignore him if you see him. Well, does he live here? He's not meant to, but he gets in through the pipes. What does he look like? You'll find out. Just if he says knock knock dirty doctors here just walk past him. Jesus Christ. No more surprises.

Look I didn't expect to be hunted down by a fair weather host today. I'm going to look at the jelly. How are you enjoying this episode of Halloween Cheap Show? How are you enjoying it? Is the plot working for you this week? It's really hard to open these pots with one arm. I'm going to have a sniff. I've got a yellow one, which I presume is probably lime.

Or lemon. Lemon. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! A bit watery. Did you see Andrew? No. He saw you.

How do you know? I'm Andrew. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Stop it. Knock-knock, dirty doctor. Knock-knock, dirty doctor. Who's there? Doctor who? Just said it, yeah, dirty doctor. Knock, knock, dirty doctor. Who's there? Doctor who?

Just saying it. Come on. I've opened this one. Does it say what the flavours are? No. I mean, maybe. I haven't looked. What does it say on the back?

Yes, it does. You've got apple. Apple. I don't think I've ever had an apple jelly. No. I bet it's nasty. Strawberry. Strawberry.

We've got two of those. Tropical. Ah, tropical. And then one little pot've got two of those. And... Tropical. Ah, tropical. And then one little pot's got little gummies. These are the toppers. So these are round shaped gummies. Shall I open that? Open them up.

You get a little Ghostbusters no entry logo. No, it's pretty tough on that actually, it has to be said. Well, that's what I was just saying before you came back. Sniff the tropical jelly. It's quite a nice smell though, which is optimistic. I reckon this is going to be the best. Oooh. You've got a little ghost. I'm going to take a picture of that before I eat them. I don't eat that. We have to for science. So you've got two dogs. The dogs mate. Oh the pterodogs. The pterodogs. They do not look like pterodogs at all. No but they are

pterodogs and we recognise them. Yes. And then there's two slimers. These are the best thing, aren't they? The moulds are quite good, aren't they, actually? They're quite good. Well, okay, so I'll leave that. It's actually the ghost. That's recognisably the ghost.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Matt's quite impressed. What's that ghost called? The name of the ghost? Okay, so it's called... I think the logo itself is called Moogly. That's the thing that Dan Aykroyd called it. Moogly.

In the script, it's Moogly. Dan Aykroyd called it. Mugli? In the script it's Mugli? Yeah well he called it sometime yeah in the early script or in the post-production kind of interview stuff. It got the name Mugli. It got it eventually somewhere. Why? He's Dan Aykroyd, he's weird. Right so I've opened up the tropical so I'm gonna open the apple. There's no point really putting the gummy on because we're not gonna be able to with the, cut into the gummy, because it's way too hard. That's what you're meant to do, mate.

Are you going to take photos? Yeah, or I've taken photos of this, but I want to take those separately. Take photos of those, because I'm eating the gummies now. I can't fucking judge it. People want us to tell the truth, not pretend we ate a gummy. This is not the time and the place to make a podcast. We're being stalked by a killer. This is not the time and the place to make a podcast.

We're being stalked by a killer. Paul, also, I'd like to see how roses do on gummies because they say they're the mallow experts. You know what I mean? Their gummy might be, you know, something to write home about. Maybe. All right, I'm putting one on top of my apple. All right, you do that. I'm going to put moogly.

I'm putting moogly on. Oh, you are going to eat moogly then? Yeah. Right, I'm just going to have a little bit Is this the apple one? Yours is the tropical I think the darker green is the apple Oh I've got it on my nose

It's all wet It smells just like that artificial apple flavour Oh I love it You like that smell? I love it It's more like After Shots Or whatever they're called Oh yeah that's what it smells like doesn't it?

Yeah it smells like After Shots Now the taste test After Shots were a cheap brand of alcoholic drink that you bought in a bottle and it was like Mad Dog or something like that wasn't it? It was like 20%. Really tart flavours. It's a strangely watery jelly. It's got quite a lot of lip moisture. It's alright. Yeah. It's fine. I'm going to try it with Mowgli's bum. I'm going to eat Slimer. I'm gonna eat Slimer separately. Quite a tough gum. I like that, Rob.

Mmm. Okay. It tastes a bit like apple. This is sort of just fruit flavour. Mugli. Okay. Generic fruit Mugli. Quite a nice gummy, though. I'm calling my prog album that. Generic fruit Mugli. What flavour do you think the pterodogs will be? Raspberry. Blackcurrant. Noyl would be raspberry blackcurrant no it would be blackcurrant maybe or cola

what was it it was lime slime it was lime can it apple although now that I've eaten it the aftertaste

is the same aftertaste you get from being sick it's got this weird kind of biley aftertaste well you did puke a lot back there when I caught you

maybe maybe you just got some puke in your mouth. It's a tough show. Oh, it's cola flavoured. No, I told you, didn't I? I said it might be cola. It's definitely cola flavoured.

And what flavour is the no entry sign? I'm going to test it now. Strawberry, I say. Generic fruit. Nah. I couldn't place it. Well, that was the nicest

of the three items by far, don't you think? By a country mile in that. The jelly's alright, yeah. Nice little jelly pot. Alright. Well done. And see, in the image, they put the ghost in the gummy.

They top it. That's alright, isn't it? Definitely the best. And the worst is definitely the pies with the wafer. Cardboard, dampy sort of tasting. Yeah, yeah. It ends everything. I'll tell you what then.

What are we going to do then? Are you getting any reception that we could call the police? No, I've got no more reception until I need to later. I left my phone back at the studio. I know. We can just chill here for a bit.

You need proper attention. I know I did a good job of cauterising your... Ooh, it looks like... Ooh. I'm feeling a bit nauseous though. I think it's the slime pipe. Is there anything...

Did you get telly here or something? No. I've got some things we can look at. Do you want to look at me Ghostbusters stuff? Do you want to look at me Ghostbusters stuff, boys and girls? Come on, yes. Say yes. I suppose so.

Boys and girls. Right, let's... I'll tell you what. I'll show you around. I've just locked up the church. I've just locked it up, Reverend Savage. Ah, Lord be praised. Good work, Jeremiah. Now, let's go forth and encourage people to repent on being gay and that.

But, sir, we can't do it out of church hours. We can't go around telling people willy-nilly how to live their life. Jeremiah, that's not true. The Lord's work imbues every moment of my existence. I go around telling people what's right and wrong all the time because I'm right and I've got the Lord on my side and like the Lord it does not... But reverend, reverend, you like that man at the shop who makes your coffee? He's a gay man, isn't he? And you like him. I can like them, Jeremiah.

But it doesn't mean he won't burn in hell for all time. But what about those two ladies who run the little cafe? You like them, don't you? And they live in sin. They live in sin. They will be going to hell. I can enjoy the pictures of them in my own time. But you also like the funny looking fellas who go up to mosque, don't you?

They've chosen the wrong god. Oh, I guess you are. I am right about everything. I guess you are. And I spoff off to lesbian porn. Doesn't make me a sinner. They'd want to do it. No, I know.

Scissoring and that. I've seen you repenting quite a lot in the church. Fanny on mouth and that. And in my off time, I can josh one off to lesbo porn. Alright, well, let's just go for a little walk through the woods to town. We might find some sinners who might repent.

We might find some. And we get extra time in heaven. Aye, we might. Oh, the Lord, he guideth my light through the night. Oh, look, there's someone who's sinning now. Aye, Matt Frith. Oh, aye, aye.

Yeah, there's a funny-looking man with a clown mask on. What's he? He's obviously a sinner, isn't he? Well, he's obviously one of those types who likes to dress up. He celebrates Halloween. Oh, yeah. The Devil's Festival. Not the Devil's Festival.

The Unholy Sanctum of Death. Oh, the pagan... I am a... Nasty. We should... We should smite him and then tell him to repent or whatever. Hey, you, mate. I am a... You should repent. It's Halloween. You can't do it.

I am a... Repent now, sinner. Hey, mate. You can't wear a mask. Halloween is ungodly. No, Jeremiah, stand back. I will preach to him the word of the Lord. Ahoy!

Ahoy, sinner man! I am a spirit. Step down from thou evil ways and repent. Me a spirit. Come to the bosom of the Lord. I am a spirit. Come down. I am a spirit.

What are you doing? I am a spirit. He's letting me trek off. He's cleaved my head. So over there is where I keep all my Ghostbusters porn. And there's not as much as you think, but there's enough to get me through winter. You've seen the uniforms. You've seen my proton packs. I keep all my Ghostbusters porn. And there's not as much as you think, but there's enough to get me through winter. You've seen the uniforms.

You've seen my proton packs. What else have you seen? Have you seen all the books? I'll show you what. I've got some books over here in a minute. Do you want to have a look at me books? Just one decent film. Mate, alright.

Literally. I know. That's it. One decent film. Yeah, but it's birthed a franchise. A couple of mediocre films. Alright, yeah. Cartoon series. That wasn't particularly good either. It was very

good actually. Everyone likes Shut Up. I've got some real Ghostbusters stuff around. I'll show you. I'll show you my Ghostbusters stuff. How about that, you big prick? I prefer Evil Dead. I've lost an arm. Why haven't you got an Evil Dead stuff hideout? Because I don't like Evil Dead as much as I like Ghostbusters, do I?

It means a lot to me. What means a lot to you? I'll tell you what means a lot to me. What? Back to the future. Back to the future. Back to the future. Back to the future. I like Back to the Future. So, it's not as good as Ghostbusters, is it? It's not. It kind of is. It's not a better film.

It's not the better film. It kind of is. Maybe a little bit. It's because I like Ghostb little bit. It's kind of like Ghostbusters more. It's like people go Star Wars, Star Wars, Yeah, it's just because it's the first thing

you fucking saw. That was good. Yeah, we can both agree on Star Wars being overrated. Yeah, but you don't have a back to the future grotto, do you?

Do you? I do in the future. Do you know if you've got one in the future? Because time machine. You haven't got a time machine. I know, I will in the future though. Then I'll come back. I'm confused.

Well, it's better than this fucking acres of stuff here, haven't you? Well, look, let me, I've got a box over here. Let me just have a look at my box and I'll see what other delights I've got for you. Hang on, bear with me one second. Let me just get it. Oh. It's over here. Oh. What a night. Got it. What? Erm... Paul. Oh no. How has he got reception? I don't understand how he can't... What do you want?

I'm still coming for ya. I know where you are. You don't know where we are though, because I'm in me secret safe house. Your secret safe house being a little public toilet tucked away? See, I knew he knew about public toilets around here. I told you. I told you.

You can't. It's where we first met. I can smell it. It's disgusting. And you know what? Those toilets are very clean. The smell isn't there. No?

All right, well, you still can't get in. He's bluffing. He must be bluffing. Yeah, there's hundreds of toilets around here. I could be in any of them. You could be, but I know exactly what one't get in. He's bluffing. He must be bluffing. Yeah, there's hundreds of toilets around here. I could be in any of them. You could be, but I know exactly what one you're in. 34C.

Oh, for fuck's sake. That's for the number that I said over your... No, it's not. Why did you put the number of your safe house outside the fucking safe house? Because no one knows what numbers mean. People... It was a foolish mistake and one you're going to live to regret. But not for long. Don't you worry about that.

No! Ash! Don't! He doesn't know. He's had your arm off. He's homicidal. Let's just call the police. Mate, I can't deal with this. I can't have him calling me, calling me, calling me. He's going to fuck you. You know what, Paul?

He must be using your phone to locate us in some way. Your phone's going to have to go. What. Your phone's going to have to go. What? Your phone's going to have to go. Don't. Sorry. Don't smash it. Fucking call us again, Max.

You can't. Don't smash it. How are we going to call the police now? How are we going to call them? We didn't have any fucking reception anyway. We did when it was convenient for the plot. I know, but it wasn't convenient for the plot I know but it wasn't convenient for the plot

I haven't got any I haven't got I haven't got any insurance on that if he was if he was tracking us on that thing he can't now

he knows which toilet we're in but he doesn't necessarily know exactly where it is he must be bluffing he would be at the door he doesn't know we're just going to

have to wait it out wait until the morning and then we'll go get help, alright? What the fuck are we going to do? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! We're going to look at me with Ghostbusters stuff. Oh!

Right. Ghostbusters stuff. I'm showing you this, because I... Wow. I've been very fortunate that I've found a collection of Ghostbusters annuals in very good condition and I've also had some donated to me by friends, Patreons and

chums. Now the Ghostbusters annuals, how long do they go for? Well there's three here. And they are all based on the Marvel comics, the Marvel UK comics. Because in the US there was a limited one of real Ghostbusters comics. But it was more popular in the UK

with Marvel UK writing it. So Marvel used Kate's Ghostbusters as kind of its own thing in terms of canon and stories and stuff. There's a very famous example. In one episode, they explain how Egon got his yellow hair. Because in the film, it's brown.

Yes. But what basically happened is, in the transference to film to TV, it was like, well, you can't have three white guys with brown hair and brown jumpsuits. Because you won't be able to tell them apart. And also, it looks brown. Yes. But what basically happened is, in the transference to film the TV, it was like, well, you can't have three white guys with brown hair in brown jumpsuits. Because you won't be able

to tell them apart. And also, it looks boring. So, let's make Ray a bit shorter and fatter and ginger, and let's make Egon blonde hair for whatever reason.

And Venkman is pretty sort of neutral. Yeah, pretty much. And Winston, you know, Winston's Winston. Yeah,

Venkman's much more of a sort of good-looking guy. Conventional, isn't he? Conventional hero. Which Bill Murray isn't, is he really? Not really. I had to go point that. Well, he much more of a sort of good looking guy conventional isn't he conventional hero which Bill Murray isn't is he really not really I hear a good point

he was kind of a weird sex symbol in that he always got the girl in films because of his charm and his wit because he was cool yeah but he's actually

he's got that terrible skin and stuff doesn't he well let's complain about a man's skin what it's a bit rude isn't it he could be sexy

and not have perfect skin I'm just saying he doesn't have perfect skin it's skin. What? It's a bit rude, isn't it? He could be sexy and not have perfect skin. I'm just saying he doesn't have perfect skin. It's just a weird thing to bring up when complaining about Bill Murray. Well, he's got his skin. It bothers you. It does sometimes. It's very pockmarked. I mean, he's fine.

Look, the point is, is that the annuals that you've got here are... These belong to Oliver Harper, I can see. Yeah, Oliver Harper. He's written his name. They were four quid at the time. Yeah, he had this one and the other one, I think. Were they all four quid? £4.50, that one. I like the colouring. Yeah, I Harper. He's written his name. They were four quid at the time. Yeah, he had this one and the other one, I think. Were they all

four quid? Four fifty, that one. I like the colouring. Yeah, I like the art. It's very reminiscent

of Marvel at the time, isn't it? Marvel UK. Again, you've got to keep pointing that out because Marvel UK was literally its own beast.

Do you know Excalibur? Yes. I collected that when it first came out and that was Marvel UK. And it has very

similar colouring. There must have been some kind of Hulk style. I've only tried the artist for this. It could be the artist. It was the same for Excalibur because you were probably

working on a couple of books at the same time. Because also, you've got to remember, in the 80s... No, Excalibur was later. It was 90s, wasn't it? Oh, okay.

But this ran until early 90s. These are comic books. Ghostbusters ones. So you've got some actual stories in here. Well, it's an annual because, you know, I don't know if it's a...

And you've got comics. Is it anything in America to have annuals like this? Like we have in the UK with a blue-beater here. Well, it's an annual. Because, you know, I don't know if it's a... And you've got comics. Is it anything in America to have, like, annuals like this? Like we have in the UK with, like, No, they don't. No, it's a British thing, I'm sure. So, yeah, it's a collection.

It's kind of like a collection of... They must have some kind of equivalent in America. But you just had, sort of, the trade paperbacks. Oh, just to finish my point. Sorry, I forgot. Egon, in the Marvel UK universe,

Ghostbusters, real Ghostbusters universe, is like, he got his blonde hair because he ate some funny mushrooms and it made him trip out and his hair went blonde. Oh, he tripped out as well? Yeah. So that's that reason.

Why did he eat them? Because he's a fungus expert, isn't he? Yeah. And then the background to Slime-It is that he was called King Remlis. When he was a person. Yeah. And he died because he was fat, basically. It's the moral of that story.

Oh, there's a game in there, a little puzzle thing. Yeah, it's got puzzles he was fat, basically. He's the model of that story. Ooh, there's a game in there, a little puzzle thing. Yeah, it's got puzzles in, stories, comics. I like that a lot. Yeah, that's like an evil ventriloquist dummy. Dummy. But the actual puppeteer is evil in that. Yeah. They're an evil pair.

There's a how to make your own proton pack. Oh, that's good. What you need, I'll tell you. You need a shoe box, a cardboard tube, i.e. the middle of a kitchen roll, some coloured paper, a square box, like a matchbox, a piece of string, a jar lid, some glue and paper fasteners, and then you can make your own Ghostbusters trap. Imagine how that works, yeah.

Yeah. Did you ever do that? No, I didn't, and I had this on you when I was a kid. You weren't very handy, though, were you? Not in that way, no. You weren't particularly handy. No, but I was learning other things to do. Oh look, handy!

Make your own Slimer glove. Oh, that's terrible. Glove puppet thing. You meant to cut it out of there. See, that design of Slimer comes from a comic called Blimey It's Slimer, which the UK Marvel did because Slimer tested better with kids. So they front-loaded Slimer then. Well, he's very cartoony.

He works in the comic, doesn't he? Yeah, but he's basically Scooby-Doo. He's basically Snarf from Thundercats. He's the comic relief that everyone goes, oh, Slimer. Which he never was in the film. He never was in the films. Apart from the sequel, where in the deleted scenes, him and Lewis Tully have a kind of cat and mouse thing going on.

I wish they'd kept that in. Yeah. But apparently Bill Mowry didn't like it. That's the rumour. Just because Murray's not even in that part of the film did Murray write the script? how does Murray have something on suction? the fucking scabby face twat

come at me Murray but anyway I've got three annuals here but this one's my favourite the red one, do you know why? because it's got the coolest cover that's a cool cover but the whole theme of this is that the Ghostbusters go to the UK

so the first adventure they go to fucking Margate then they go to Stonehenge and then they go to

Margate get some fish and chips yeah generally look the first busman's holiday they go on

a holiday where are they going they're going to Margate why are they in Britain they're still

American in the universe on holiday in Britain and it's pissing down how fucking terrible that is. It's Ghostbusters meets National Lampoon's European Vacation.

But yeah, they go to all Britain's people. They go on a rollercoaster in Margate. And they tackle a monster. The artwork's not bad, is it? No, it's quite nice. Yeah. I like it. The colours and the artwork are quite nice.

It's scary where it needs to be for kids. The quality of the print is nice. There's a lovely condition as well. They go to a haunted house somewhere in Scotland. Yeah. And they go to a British pub. The Crown. Yeah, postcards.

You know what I mean? It's like they go to Scotland. So that's sort of, there's a concept, there's a theme behind the whole book. Evil Mushrooms in Stonehenge. Wow. Wow, that's quite cool. What is that? It's an evil mushroom from Stonehenge.

He's quite evil. There you go. Wow. Did some kind cool. What is that? It's an evil mushroom from Stonehenge. He's quite evil. There you go. Wow. Did some kind of wizard made him evil? This one's noticeably thinner than the other two. Yeah, that might be

the last one they did, actually. Oh, and it's gone up in money. £4.50. There's a dinosaur. Ghostbusters and dinosaurs. That's good, isn't it? Actually, this might be the first one because this one looks like the first one.

It's got all the here's that character and what he does Yeah so introducing them Egon, some describe as the new wave Mr Spock Egon Spengler is something of an eccentric and dedicated his life to the study of the paranormal He has a soft spot for Janine, the Ghostbusters receptionist But lives in a world very much of his own A place filled with strange equations

Strange inventions And heaven knows what else. I found this one in a charity shop for 50p. This annual and it's in fucking great condition. There's all the equipment from the films. PKE, goggles, ghost detectors, puff puff, proton gun, puff puff puff. What else have you got? Did you not have anything like this as a kid?

Do you not have annuals? I had annuals. Of what? Oh, look, there's Ghostbusters and Telecom Tower. Ooh, I like that. Yeah, there you go. Brutalism. What are that?

Oh, I'm going to have to get a picture of that. It's good, isn't it? Oh, look, Brutalism. And you could be fighting Kit and Kong with the goodies. How about that? That's funny that they've used that building as the famous identified part of the British, the London skyline where else would you use

the shard now or whatever maybe these days but he'd be much smaller than the shard and the weird thing about the telecom tower is it's

it's not with any other tall buildings no it sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of a ring you can see it all over London

you can see that building you can find your way to the centre of London if you just keep your eye on the telecom tower that's good I love all this imagine a child on I used to collect comics You can find your way to the centre of London if you just keep your eye on the telecom tower. Ecto-1, that's good. I love all this.

It might give a child a... I used to collect comics, like I told you. I read Marvel. Now, the only overlap is I did... I read the... Is this Marvel UK stuff, though? Like Captain Britain or whatever? I read the Indiana Jones. Was that Marvel UK as well?

No, that was probably America. I got those comics. And, you know I read Spider-Man and stuff yeah apparently a few people who wrote for these comics on Twitter I spoke to one

or two in the past about you know how they come up with the stories and things and what they were allowed to do I'm pretty sure they had carte blanche with it Tabula Rasa don't stop

saying that I haven't said it yet in the timeline think about it and it's Tabula Rasa I won't get that wrong ever again right have you got anything else

yeah I've got something real special to show you next bloody boy do you want to see it I do you're going to see it I've got nothing else to do

you're going to see it look at this it's Ganon's Golden Ghostbusters games it's GGGG it's the real Ghostbusters

the game it's Ganon's Golden Ghostbusters Games. It's GGGG. It's the real Ghostbusters, the game. Wait, it's Ganon's Golden Ghostbusters Games. You can do something with that, can't you? Don't listen. It's been such a long night. Do a quiet one. Ganon's Golden Ghostbusters. Ganon's Ghostbusters Golden Ghostbusters.

Okay, Ganon's Golden Ghostbusters. Do it again. Ganon's Golden Ghostbusters. Shut that loud. Oh, Paul. What? Talking of ghosts. Yeah, go, Gaspar! Shut that loud! Oh, Paul. What? Talking of ghosts. Yeah?

Did you see that some cunt has said that Bruce Forsythe is haunting the theatre where he used to work? No, I've not heard that. What do you think the little tagline in the tabloid story was? Think of his catchphrase. Think of his catchphrase. Was it, ghoul game? No. Was it,oul Game? No. Was it Nice to Spook You to Spook You Nice?

Almost. Nice to Scare You to Scare You Nice? Nice to Woo You to Woo You... Wait, my two guesses were better than that. I know, I know. But anyway, you got there. Nice to Scare You to Scare You Nice? No, you did this too much, too literate. Marvellous.

Woo You? But look, Brucey is a ghost. We've already come up with this, haven't we? He'd be a great sort of horror character, wouldn't he? It's like you're alone. Like a monster. A hoe. Good guy.

Good guy. Hi. Good guy. Good guy. Good guy. Hi. Hi. Good guy.

Stay away from me. Good guy. Good guy. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing, that's the thing! It's the chinny man! The chinny man is coming! Oh no, you've woken an evil spirit!

Yeah. You've gone too far Paul but that is good I like that if you were doing the film it would escalate and the ghost of Savile would arrive at the end

yeah it'd be an escalation you start with the ghost of Bob Monkhouse like entertainment paranormal adventure where they all come back from the dead

who were dead and put on a Royal Variety show from hell. Mate, this is a fucking great idea. Yeah. The Scare Variety Performance Show. And you've got all the ghosts that come on. Borkman Wise come on. They do a bit of ghost slapstick.

What about Bill Hicks? Could he come? He could be in it, could he? I'm opening this game. Oh, yeah. So, okay. So, I've got two board games here today. One which is quite common in a bit of a state,

and one that I never heard of until about four months ago. And then I had to get my hands on it. So, Ghostbusters, big brand. Obviously a board game came out. This was the first one of it, I believe. Made by... Oh, is it made by? That's a lion market, which means it's been tested for kids.

Oh, there's the... Trio Toys. Trio Toys. Uh, never heard of them. 1989. 89. In Basingstoke in London. Alright, British.

There you go. Was Ghostbusters bigger here than it was in the States? No, but it was big, full stop. I just guessed that there was a licensing free-for-all with it. Yeah. And people just went snip, snap, snip, snap, snip. It's why it was on lunchboxes and action figures and all sorts of shit. Now, the artwork is pretty substandard on the cover.

It looks like a tracing coloured in. It does. It looks like it's been used, felt tips have been used, which they have, I guess. But I wonder where they got the art from. This is the thing. It looks like someone said,

here's a colouring book. It so does. And then that can be a cover. They're not very well, like, sort of drawn, are they? What's Ray doing? It's like his belly is possessed. It's the ghost of his belly, yeah.

Ghost of his belly. Oh, the slime has come out. And slime is's the ghost of his belly yeah. Ghost of his belly. Oh he's, Slimer's come out and Slimer is like the size of all of the other characters put together. Yeah because everyone

likes Slimer. That's the thing. So let's see then. There were, wait wait wait, before we get to it, there were, there was another

board game of Ghostbusters and this one was basically a reskin of Ghost Castle. You know Ghost Castle? Yes. Where you drop a score and it sets off booby traps. That's good isn't it? It was a Ghostbusters one. It wasn't a great reskin of Ghost Castle. You know Ghost Castle? Yes. Where you drop a skull and it sets off booby traps? That's good, isn't it?

It was a Ghostbusters one. It wasn't a great reskin. Would you like to get hold of that? No, weirdly not. Because it looks like a shit reskin. The game's fundamentally the same, so that's fine. I'd rather have original Ghost Castle. Whereas the Ghostbusters reskin is just painted a different colour.

Yeah, like the Monopoly. Yeah. So it's fine. If I ever came across it in the wild, yeah, I'm going to snap it up, but I'm not going to go fishing for it. This one, though, by Trio Games, it's basically like a very basic kind of RPG board game. We're not going to play

it, because I can't be arsed. Let's look at some of the stuff. But yeah. Oh, there's a little marshmallow man that you can stand up. So there's a box. There you are. I've got this thing. So the board game is like a jigsaw it's in four pieces and it makes up like a new york street block yes and you just go around basically oh there's an advert for a popper i don't have to have that but oh it's the goggles is there rules is that an

advert for what is that it's an advert for a toy it was ghost goggles that had nerf type foam it's not an advert it's a warning these are was ghost goggles that had Nerf-type foam things on the side. It's not an advert. It's a warning. These are not protective goggles. So this was in there. Yeah, but that's for another toy. That's what I'm saying. This is for that toy, not this board game. Why is it in... God knows. You've got a spinner with the ghost on. Yeah. What's he called? Googly.

Moogly. Moogly. Oh, the rules are on the... Look, here's a pot where you put all the pieces in, but the rules... Oh, no. Upside down. That's bad design. Stupid, isn't it? Playing the game in, but the rules... Oh, no! Upside down! That's stupid, isn't it? Playing the game. Object of the game. Old Zool's been putting some moves

on the city of New York again. There's ghosts, ghouls and slimers all over town. So it's up to you, the ghostbusters, to get out on the streets. Slimers? Are they slimers? No, it's just what they are. Way back before anything became formalised. Oh, that's a green ghost. They're all called slimers.

It's just a very basic level knowledge of the franchise there's some ghosts in here that aren't in any of the other movies like that

spider spider turtle thing get out into the streets and zap your way to fame once more but watch out

your old enemy the stave puffed is out there too and he's one marshmallow that really needs toasting. So there's a slightly bigger figure of the Marshmallow Man somewhere. Yeah, here.

Oh yeah, you found it. Yeah. So you've got a bust-o-meter and a map. So how's it working? The object of the game is to be the best Ghostbuster in the city. To do this, you must compete with your fellow Ghostbusters to trap the meanest and slimiest ghosts in town. And finally, raise the trap Mr. Staypuffed. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Spook City moving ghosts.

So yeah, basically, you don't have a dice. The spinner does all the actions. For instance, power stream five, move two, move any ghost two. So you see how it's a little bit like a kind of Dungeons and Dragons-y thing? Yeah. Spooking gives you the chance to frighten your opponent

into dropping Ghost busting kick that you pick up so everyone's a ghost buster yeah you play you play against each other yeah again that's not that's not good is it but only one can win only one can bust the state puff marshmallow yeah but it's yeah but it's like you wouldn't the design is bad they should have had a game where you play together well this is it or you play together until there's any space they puff left and there's a race to fight kill that's what you do yeah so you try and help each other until then yeah okay it's like all for one then one for all right kind of thing uh yeah where mr spuft has been trapped and again that all depends on how so how to catch a ghost a ghost must be inside a building to be busted unless you have a special card so you

collect cards which dictate the actions of the game. Like outdoor, bust a ghost outdoor building. Yeah. You must go into a building and then have a proton pack, a proton gun and a trap card. And then you pick those up along the way. Stupid again. Because you'd have them back at the base, wouldn't you?

You'd have them at the firehouse and you'd just say, there's a fucking ghost and you'd get it on. It's like, there's a ghost, quick, leave everything here, I need to get to the building straight away. I'm here, I'm going to catch a ghost, I've just got to wait half an hour while they bring me stuff. Stupid. Mind out.

It doesn't make any sense, Paul. Oh no, sorry love, they've hidden my stuff around the city. Let me just go looking for it and I'll be back. Yeah. I mean, it's a board game. It's a board game. So you spin the bust-o-meter and read the outer circle. This indicates the power stream strength.

If the score is higher than the ghost slime meter, he is busted. Right, so it's got like a fighting mechanic. So you see how it's kind of like a basic R&B. Yeah. R&B? R&B. There ain't nothing wrong with a little bit of murder and crime. Is that your example of a

typical R&B chip? That's the best one I could think of. So you've got Ghostbuster for Winston and P2 and you've got all the ghosts. How do you know the level of ghost slime?

That's when you twist that and that tells you how powerful they are. Yeah, see? PowerStream 5, PowerStream 2, PowerStream 3.

Yeah, but how big are the ghosts? It's like, if the score is higher than the ghost slime, see the chart on the board if we survive this I'll put pictures

on our website for people to enjoy there we go there's the chart oh right slime value yeah 1 point

2 points 3 points oh Stay Puft's 5 points Stay Puft is the big bad boy it's hard to get that he's the big bad boy what about the spider turtle

is that the worst one the spider turtle's only 1 point yeah of course it is because it's a fucking shit fucking look at that would you be scared if that came towards you

no would you fuck I mean actually in real life if I saw that I probably would be a bit disturbed by it spider turtle

with a skull head spider turtle with a skull head oh there you go so that's the board game that I wanted as a kid But didn't actually get and now I bought it

This was a I think someone sent this in the PO box Oh I'll clean this up later Don't you worry we're going to be here all night I'll clean it up later So I like it And obviously there wasn't a board game Another decent Ghostbusters board game

Until another company made one about 5-10 years ago I can't remember Cryptozoological games another decent Ghostbusters board game until another company made one about five, ten years ago. I can't remember. Cryptozoological Games or something like that. I can't remember the fucking name. Either way, it was a nice big board game. Cryptologic? I don't know.

Either way, imagine this, but far more advanced with far more dice and things like that. But still with a board. Yeah. Have you played it? Was it fun? I have played it once, and yeah, it is fun, but it's one of these things where roll the dice,

move the ghost, move the thing, how much is this, power card, blah, blah, blah, stats. There's a lot going on. This is like a very, very, that board game there is a very, very simplified version. Yeah, I mean, that didn't look too bad, actually. It looked like it could be fun. Look, it could be fun.

Like, it's fun. But this one, this is the big mama. Now, we've done the Cheap Show before in the past and we do cheap things. This isn't a cheap thing. Isn't it? This is probably the most I've spent on something on eBay. Really? But by saying that, this was 60 quid. But,

do you know how... Okay, so I got this on an auction. I got it for 60 quid. Two people voted. Sorry, I'll stop touching it. My head. No, I was touching your dongas. I'm sure I got it for 60 quid two people voted oh sorry I stopped touching it my head oh no I was touching your dongle I'm sure I got some I think the ghost hand's been touching your dongle well my dongle can't feel your fucking ghost hand it's been cobbing your dongle all day oh get your cob off of my dongle your dongle open it listen no shut up you're very impatient we've got all the fucking time in the world because I'm not going outside. For fuck's sake. So, yeah, I got this for 60 quid, right?

Including postage and packaging from America. It was another 20 odd, right? It's expensive. But I'd never seen this before until a few months ago. And that's why I was like fascinated by it. You got it now. Saying that,

there were other auctions of the same thing in slightly better condition, but not much better. Going for 200 quid. Ooh, 150. 120. Okay, so you got it cheap. So that's very cheap. I'm surprised this auction slipped the attention of all the other people bidding on the other stuff.

Because you thought that would have ramped this up. Well, they didn't want it in a bit bashed up, hasn't it? Only a little bit. I've seen the other auctions of the other things. It's not too different box condition. So, what is this? It is the Real Ghostbusters Talking Electronic Game. Never heard of it before.

By a company called Saytech. I never heard of them. No, I had to do research. You know what they make? Calculators. And then, when they're not making calculators, they're making battleship games. And when they're not making battleship games, every once in're not making battleship games, every once in a while they grab a license and turn that license into a battleship game.

And is this a battleship game as well? Kind of. There's one called Batman and Joker, right, which is like battleships where you've got a shield between you and your opponent player, and you've got a battleship grid on either side, and one's got Joker and one's got Batman. All right, but there's no Robin

why doesn't Robin come in no one fucking likes Robin I like Robin no one likes Robin no one alright

no one likes Robin I thought it was people like Nob and Robin and Chod and Robin I like Nob and Robin Robin Robin Robin Nob and

Robin Robin's Nob and Chesney nubs Chesney I am the one and only Do you know what Paul I may have mentioned this before But that's the worst earworm of my life

I am the one and only By Chesney Hawks It's just one of those ones That just pop into my head At least three or four times a year I am the one and only It's not even that It's not even that bad

Like much of a hook Somebody I'd rather be You know what the film it came from? Do you remember the film? Buster Douglas Buddy Song Robbie

Starring Roger Nub Nubs Roger Nub Nubs So Get it out of the box Shut up They made a Batman vs Joker game And it's weird

Because you move Batman and Joker around on the grid And eventually you find each other And one wins right? Yeah This is like a one sided Battleship game Battleship It's weird because you move Batman and Joker around on the grid and eventually you find each other and one wins, right? Yeah. This is like a one-sided... Battleship game. Battleship. And when I played it, I was surprised

because fundamentally what it is, it's kind of like Minesweep where you move your character on this magnetic board and every time you move, the computer tells you where the ghost is, where it's nearby and you can shoot in any one direction to try and catch it.

So there's some strategy and there's some guesswork and there's some luck. Yeah, so you're playing the computer basically. You can have up to four people playing cooperatively but, let me just get it out, I'll show you. But I have to say I'd never heard of it until recently.

And then when I got it, I had to have it. When was it produced? This is like 1990. And look, you look at the back. Ghost alert! E-E-Ectoplasm, you missed me, Chomper. Chomper? I'll get Gooper this time.

Gooper? Yeah, they've named all the ghosts. That's Chomper, and that's Gooper. Slimer is Gooper. Yeah. That's terrible. He shouldn't be called Gooper. It's like calling him Spitman or something.

You know? It's very simple. That's it. He shouldn't be called Gooper. It's like calling him Spitman or something. You know? It's very simple. That's it. In a nutshell. Does it make noises? Yeah. But look, first of all, all the plain pieces. Hang on.

All the plain pieces. Oh, and a well that's built in. A nice compartment. I like that. That's nice attention to detail. Oh, little magnets like this. They're very good, aren't they? Little Winston.

They're nicely moulded, aren't they? Yeah. You can tell exactly who they are. This is real Ghostbusters, of course. Yeah. Who's that chomper? I don't know. You know what that looks like? Zardoz. Yes, it looks like Zardoz. A little mini Zardoz. But look, the ghosts are actually in here. There's a Play-Doh advert in there. See, all the rules are on this, and I was trying to understand it by reading this, and there's gaps in the logic where you go, but wait, if I do that... For instance, you get all these little magnetic ghosts as well, this little chomp that you realise...

They chase you around? Yeah, but the thing is, they're meant to be invisible. You're not meant to know where they are, right? So what's the point of these? Because you're not meant to know where they are on the board at any one time. So are they placeholder things where you're meant... it goes if it's two spaces ahead you're meant to go is it there or there or there but there's no point to them as far as i can figure out and the rules are too oblique to tell me what i'm meant to do and do you think the rules are just sort of um cut and

pasted from different games that they put out they were similar sort of well i've seen the manual that goes with the batman and joker game that's ish, similar-ish to this. And it's got the exact same thing. Ghostbusters. With a bad sticker on. Feel that. It says Ghostbusters. It's stuck over. What's it stuck over? Oh. Maybe it's stuck over the Batman and Robin.

No, no, it hasn't. It's a sticker over the thing that says who you're going to call. Why wouldn't they keep who you're going to call? I don't know. Now it says the real Ghostbusters Ghostbusters and then it says oh no help and that's the exact same cover bar the Batman logo that they have for the

Batman game which says oh no help Batman so I'm thinking perhaps it's exactly the same game or they used sort of I don't know parts of the rules overlap so that they just you are a Ghostbuster called into trap for ghosts hidden in a haunted house you can take them alone or with a team up to three other ghost busters you can work to catch all the ghosts yeah but take care while you're trying to catch the ghosts they're trying

to slime you and to make the game more exciting there's a ghost trap to hold the ghosts you catch if you haven't caught all the ghosts in 20 minutes the ghost trap explodes and the ghosts are released does it explode it makes a sound effect so this again this is a ghost trap explodes and the ghosts are released to haunt Does it explode? It makes a sound effect. Again this is a ghost trap but I don't know what you do with it. Where you move it around the board

where it goes. And the rules don't really tell you. Nice little bit of plastic there though isn't it? Nice little ghost trap.

I like it. Very abstract. I like it. I like the moulds on those. But look. Gooper. That's your

Zardoz. Yeah. Slimer which does not look like Slimer at all. But as someone pointed out to me, it looks like one of the Ghostbusters toys of the action figure that when you pressed it down, the slime came out of its mouth.

Oh, okay. Then you've got Chomper. Looks like a little dog. But look, it's my favourite. He's very Aztec. Gooper looks like Goatsy. It looks like someone pulling their arse cheeks apart. Well, he's pulling his mouth cheeks,

his actual cheeks apart. Yeah, but it looks like the image of Goetze, of a bum cheek being pulled apart by hands. Sort of. And then you've got the worst drawings of Ray, Peter, Egon and Winston I've ever seen, where Winston looks like Lionel Blair. God. Ray looks like, I don't know, that guy who used to collapse chimneys in the North.

Remember him? Roger Dibney or whatever his name was. What about Venkman? Venkman looks like Barrymore after he's done one of his surprise ooh, gotcha moments. used to collapse chimneys in the north remember him Roger Dibney or whatever they've got very long looks like Barry Moore after he's done one of his surprise oh gotcha moments

yeah Barry Moore and then Egon Egon looks like the last days of David Bowie they're all very long long faced

elongated long faced interpretations so look I'm going to turn this on now we're not going to play it because it's

fucking complicated but look at the noise it makes you might as well play it we've got all night I was playing I was playing this a few weeks ago played this a few weeks ago

my girlfriend came in and went will you turn that fucking thing off because the only way I could play it is because the computer talks to you

and tells you where you are yeah yeah yeah so every time you move it's like move well let's hear it. Come on.

Here we go. Who are you going to call? Ghostbuster. It's meant to be Ecto-1. How is that Ecto-1? There's a sign, but they didn't have the sign. So, at this point, you'd put your Venkman thing on the starting place here, right? Yeah.

And then you go, I don't know, you press these buttons. Well, what if you're playing one player? Well, then there's a way to get around that. You've got to skip the characters. I can't go for any further down Zedmar going who's Zedbar no it's Zedmore it's Winston for some reason they've called him Zedmar Ray going it's Ray where's Ray Ray's did that one yeah oh they're nice little faces, aren't they? Rain, ready, ready, ghost, track. Ooh, ghost.

Eeeeee. Oh no, that's scary. That's scary, that ghost noise. I don't like it. I don't like that ghost noise. You don't like that eeeeee? No. That eeeeee.

Ready, but you see how noisy? It won't shut off! Ready? That's cool. Some of the sound effects aren't bad. I don't like it. Ready? I don't like those ghost noises, man. That one! Ready? I don't like those ghost noises man.

That one! Ready? Ghosts right up. I like those. They sound like Apex Twin. But apparently if you hold down this and then turn it on it becomes just a soundboard. It just does a little. Yeah.

Scary one's gonna come. Don't know that one much. The scary one's going to come. Don't know that one much. Don't know that one. God, oh my. That's the scary one. That's the scary one. That's the scary one. That is... That's unnerving.

How many has it got? Yeah, it's coming round again, mate. Stop it. It's gone round in circles. Paul, it's doing my head in. Stop it, please. Will you please join me? No, come on.

Please. Please. a pleat so anyway the game has like loads of speech and it tells you when you've caught a ghost have you attempted

to actually play it yes I can play a one player version of it and it is like a kind of mind sweepy kind of thing was it fun at all

it was but it just has all those sound effects all the time going on and on after every move and you can't play it with the sound off

because it's also a built in computer that tracks the position it's a shame that you've got this all it's this would be nice and displayed on a cabinet or something that's the plan when i when i'm allowed i'm going to put on a nice cabinet see if they can say you are back on and i'll see you have some issues yeah it's all this got that's, you know, they've even made it so you can hang it around. You're meant to, like... Oh, yeah. You can slide it in and... There you go.

It's alright. Oh, it's a carry pack. You can carry it around. See, if you look at the sticker board that the magnets sit on, it's like a haunted house. Yeah, that must be repurposed as well. Yeah, I think it is. It doesn't look that haunted. Well, look on the back.

You can see the plastic you can see the plastic of the back where it looks like it's kind of collapsing walls and exposed brick oh and there's a little rubbish bin there yeah

and a drain pipe so that's so partly and a spider's web and some exposed brick I like that but partly nice detail

some nice detail this might have been a toy that was just haunted house game yes and then went we've got the fucking ghostbusters license

I'm so I'm sure that's what it was. You sure? Yeah, we got it. No, we're shit. No, we got it. All right, quick. Rebrand this.

But Ghostbusters seemed to not be very picky about where they'd sell the license to, apparently not these days. I mean, just judging by those fucking pies. Yeah, fuck that. God almighty.

The jelly. You want a jelly? No, we're all going in the bin when we get out of here. Look, I've got tons of stuff. Do you want to see more? I've got more stuff. I've got more games. I've got more. I don't know. I think we should get some rest, Paul.

So we've done jelly, we've done games, we've done this. Oh, do you want to see me little egg collection of Ghostbusters eggs? Or do you want to see me little Viewmaster? I can't just sit here and wait for him to arrive. Paul, I can't just sit here sit here and wait for him to arrive. I've got viewmaster Ghostbusters as well. Paul, I can't just sit here with you and wait for him to arrive. You're going to have to.

If you need medical attention. I don't need it. I don't. Listen, I need medical attention. My headache's getting worse. Give you an headache. Look, mate, just don't go. Don't leave me.

I'm just going to wait here like a sitting duck. I'm going. I've got your keys. Don't you go. I'll post them back through for you. Don't you leave me. No, I'll post them back. Don't you leave me.

You better fucking come now. No. Because I'm not hanging back through for you. Don't you leave me! No, I'll post them back through. Don't you leave me! You better fucking come now! No, oh God! Because I'm not hanging around in your fucking... Don't open that door! Ghost pit, wank pit! Any longer! You can joss off all night with one hand, sit on it,

and then it'll be like someone else's. No, I'm leaving! Don't open that door! I'm at risk! Oh God, I've got't get out of here. I'm a trick! He's going to get me shopping. I'm a trick!

I'm out of here! I'm a trick! I'm a trick! There's a dead woman and a man having sex! Oh god! I's a dead woman and a man having sex! Oh god! I am a Chris! Oh god! I am a Chris!

Two dead stoners lying in a bed! I am a Chris! Oh god, there's a big hoot and another man dead! There's been a right rampage at burden. I've got no more. And Eli has me. God, I can't do this. I can't do this. Time to die, Paul.

Please don't do it now. God, please don't kill me. I can't do it. Surprise. What? Yeah, surprise! I'm not really going to kill you. It was all a big funny prank. Biffo's not really dead and I'm not really a murderer.

What do you take me for? It was all just a big elaborate silly funny Halloween lark. What? Yes, Eli, a daft scary joke. elaborate silly funny Halloween lark. Er, what? Yes, Eli, a daft scary joke. Oh, oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah, I was, er, I was, I was in on it. Erm, I don't actually remember telling you about the prank, Eli. You weren't there when Biffo and I planned it. No, no, no, no.

No, I totally... I, er... I kind of was, yeah. You know, I kind of knew. I kind of did know, you know. I just... Yeah, sort of, like, you know. I knew.

This is Decimate. Hello, Biffo, mate. Hello, Ash. Have you told them both yet? Oh, yeah, yeah. They both fell for it completely. Paul almost wet himself, and Eli's convinced he was in on the whole thing.

Daft idiot. I was. No, you weren't. No, you weren't. Kind of was. Stop, you don't have to tell them to keep the game up now, because it's all right. I was in on it. I was in on it.

I wasn't scared. Eli, you were so full of shit. Ash, I have to get home. But thank you for that. That was a proper laugh. Bye-bye. Yeah, bye, Biffo, mate. So, yeah, boys, it was just a silly jape

to give you both a fright for Halloween. Biffo and I thought you needed being brought down a peg or two for treating us both like garbage over the years. Wait, so you chopped off my arm for a prank? That was good. You killed a loving couple in the woods for a prank? How very immoral. You killed two drug takers in the woods?

I see where you're going with this, yeah. And then you killed a priest and his mate for a prank. Oh, well, yeah. You've got to keep it believable. I thought if I killed a couple of people while you were hiding in a toilet, it would help me stay in character until the big finale. Yeah, I knew about that.

I was fine with it. Mate, sure. You didn't know. You don't know about this. Kind of. I sort of did. You kind of knew and I didn't know. So what, you didn Kind of I sort of did You kind of knew And I didn't know

So what you didn't want to tell me So what this is a joke is it You didn't want to fucking tell me You thought it was funny To kill a bunch of people For a prank Bigfoo's in on it too Oh I'm sure you think

This is funny Don't you Right Right I bet you didn't know This is my big twist I've had a gun The whole time

In me pocket I keep it So people don't Pull down I wasn't in on it Paul. So yeah, how about that, how about I shoot you as a fucking prank. Shit. I'll shut me balls off.

What have you done you idiot? Oh I think, oh I think you've only shot one Paul. Oh god. At least you've got one left there. Do you want me to pick that up? It's a bit of a mess. I'm feeling very faint. I was in on it though, yeah? Guys? Right? Should get him to hospital I guess.

Oh fucking shut up Eli. Paul? Paul are you awake? Paul? Come on mate. No, no, come on. It's all right, mate. It's all right. It's all right.

We're in hospital. Oh, God. You've done yourself a bit of a mischief there. A bit of a... What? They've got me... They sewed an arm on you. Can you see that?

They've got an arm? Yeah. Did they give me a bollock? No, they didn't give me a bollock. They didn't give you a bollock. They didn't give you a bollock. They didn't have any bollocks in the bollock bag. Mate, what's going on? If you'd shot your knob off, they've got some quite good ones.

What you're saying, I should have shot my knob off? Yeah, because they could have replaced it. With a bigger one? Yeah. They were all big. They'd been inflated with hormones. He showed me the whole lab. Give me that gun, nurse! No, no, there'sated with hormones. He showed me the whole lab. Give me that gun, nurse!

No, no, there's no gun here. They showed me the lab. There was all this rows of... Where's, where's, where's... What are you doing here? I got a concussion. I had to go to hospital. You banged your head a little bit? Yeah, no, it's concussion. I lost my arm. I know, they sewed one on again, though.

It's not my arm. This has got a tattoo on it. I know, but it's fine. Pass me my laptop. I've got to edit episode 200, mate. We've got to put this into context. The world must know. I've got to do an intro for 200, mate. So shut up. Shut up.

God, this fucking hurts. Get the matron over here. Get a bed bath. Ask for a bed bath. I'm going to give you a bed bath with my big dick. That's not that great. That was not funny at all. That wasn't funny.

It doesn't matter. I'm just going to fade out. All right. You're going to fade out before that? Let me record that. I'm going to fade it out. Not before. I'm going to have to fade out before this.

I'm fading out right now. I hope you fade out before that. I'm fading out. I need to do the 200 intro. I wanted to do a bit where I go and look at a bunch of penises in jars. Go ahead and do that on your own time. You know what Paul? This is fading out. I get up early every day

I take it down what you got to say We are the boys in blue We're gonna getcha, getcha And you ain't nothing else to do You better watch out cause we're watching you We are the boys in blue We're gonna boys in blue. We'll see you next time.