CheapShow - Ep 205: The Rise & Fall of Bill Doughnut

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

Just WHO is Bill Doughnut? A man of mystery, of tragedy and of music and in today's episode you are going to be introduced to him. You are very lucky people! Eli, however, flat our hates him and means to have his wicked way. It's a thrilling development. But not really. Elsewhere in the podcast, there is a random Cheap Eats segment where Paul & Eli throw into the ring a collection of inexpensive snacks from China and the Ukraine! It's a literal mixed bag, in terms of items and the cheap chaps' reaction to them. Finally, we have another bespoke Price of Shite that pits Paul & Eli against each other in a fight for who reigns "per-twing"! Along the way, Paul rants about Fairy Tales, Eli rants about guilty pleasures and they both rant about each other! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-205-rise-fall-of-bill-doughnut If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

How am I? How's my voice? Testing. One, two, three. That sounds alright. Hello. Tilt the microphone up a little bit towards you. Hello. Yes. Yes, that should be fine. Grottles, please. Scottles.

I'm going to get comfortable. It's going to start. You're going to start now, are you? I hate this. I hate this moment. What, the moment right before we start? Yeah. What, the anticipation? Quiet. You put loads of pressure on it.

I don't put any pressure on it. Yes, you do. And then it's like I always go whatever I exclaim now will be fucking useless and it's just shit let's just come on let's just do the fucking five

I've got an intro for you ready yeah you're gonna like this I've got a new idea for the cold opens am I allowed to ruin your ruin your cold open

as you always do with me well it depends well maybe I won't maybe I'll savour the moment. All right, here we go. And I'll savour. I've got a new gimmick for the cold opens.

Here we go. The idea is every week now that the show be introduced by a new character who gets the privilege of being in the show. All right? And opening it up.

So here's my first character. All right. Hello. I'm Bill Donut and I've been asked by Paul and Eli. No, no, no, no, this is going to work. I've been asked by Paul and Eli. I'm going to have to call in some characters here.

No, no, no. Let me get this character out. What's he called? Bill Donut? Bill Donut. Bill Donut needs help. I know the man for the job. I know the man.

Larry! Anyway, I'm Bill Donut, and I've been asked to introduce this... Yes, hello, Larry Inchman. Inch? No, we're not doing Inchman. Would you like... Oh, fuck off, ruin it! No, I'm...

Inchman ruins everything! Bill? I don't like it. I've been here, but Eli said I should help you out. Welcome to Cheap Show. Are you Bill Donut? Welcome to Cheap Show.

Are you Bill Donut? Do you want an inch? I'm not playing with inch. I should give you an inch. You take an inch, and you always take a mile, don't you? Well, do two inches, then you won't. I don't want to do any fucking inches. I just wanted to do a character. Eli doesn't want an inch. You take an inch and you always take a mile, don't you? Do two inches then you won't. I don't want to do

any fucking inches. I just wanted to do a character. He doesn't want an inch. I just wanted to do a character. Larry Inchman, I'm happy to help you if you've got some characters that need, I don't know,

inchifying up. Hello, I'm Bill Donut. I'm a serial killer who kills characters. Ah, a new victim. Have you got one that you use a blade? Yeah.

How long? An inch. Just a small inch. Inch! Inch. Right. This didn't work. Shall I get Eli back again? This didn't work. None of that worked. It is always the time. It is! Bye! Don't close and slam the door to pretend you're coming in and out. It's you!

We all know it's you. I don't know what happened there. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to... Larry's always hanging around, Paul, and if you've got other characters, he loves to workshop. He's workshopped the nod people with me. Ladies and gentlemen. Richard nod people. Eventually I'll get to say

welcome to Cheap Show. Richard nod people who has two different other personas living inside him. Get out. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show Go Jolly!

People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Cheap Show. It's the Price of Shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheat Show. And I go and I nuzzle. I haven't called Richard and odd people.

We're not doing that. The music's already been played. We're now on the episode. Hello. Welcome to Cheap Show. Oh, the music's been played, is it? Yeah, I've gotten tired. You didn't give me any warning.

I'm not giving you any warning. I could drop in the intro whenever I wanted to. Well, you've done it now. I have done it. Well, you've told me. So I know it's not going to be after this. Welcome to Cheap Show. You know, we often say that was our worst intro. Well, you've done it now. I have done it. Well, you've told me, so I know it's not going to be after this. Welcome to Cheap Show!

You know, we often say, that was our worst intro. I'm beginning to think they actually are getting worse now. I tried to put a bit of effort in. Oh, you tried to put a bit of effort in. Bill Donut was going to be a crooner. No, Bill Donut was dead on arrival. You decided to go give him,

one, a monotonous voice. Mistake. Two, no lines. A mistake. I should know, Paul. You donotonous voice. Mistake. Two, no lines. A mistake. I should know, Paul. You don't know. I should know. You didn't give me a chance to let the character breathe. What was his thing?

He's a serial killer. Fucking hell. No, he wasn't. 100% for originality, Paul. He was only a serial killer. You're dragging this podcast into the mainstream gutter. The mainstream gutter? Yeah, the true crime gutter.

And then we'll flow along with all the other turds. They do very well, those podcasts. Nudging up against poos. Nudging up, right, okay. Welcome to the Cheap Show. This is the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I go through the bargains, the charity shops and rummage sales of Great Britain

and bring you back. Rummage sales. And we have a little scrummage in those rummage sales, don't we, Paul? The magic in which we find within them. So, this week we have a lovely pack show full of

the usual bits and bobs you know I think we've got a cheap pizza I meant to say you're all off you know what yeah you do it

go on Paul what have we got coming up on the show why don't you tell me Eli okay we've got a prigga de pricer de shitter de shizer price of shite people

we do have a price of shite and it's not a bespoke price of shite and I've seen a price of shite and it's not a bespoke price of shite and I've seen it's all been run you know fairly yeah it's a fair democracy

because the answers are still sealed they're still sealed and I was I bought in all the other characters yeah Larry did it

what Larry Inchman was in charge of well he does everything around here now Paul he does everything around here now it sounds like this when I just

I'm just like bring back fucking Queef Huffer. All is forgiven. Well, don't you worry about that. Queef Huffer's in talks. I mean, hang on. Can we just step outside the podcast for a sec? All right.

Hang on. I've got a new key card door now. Okay. So if you've got a card, you can swipe in and get out. Can I have one of these cards? You're staying in the podcast. How do I get out of the podcast? You're coming out with me this time because I've got a pass card.

But you have to stay in. Why do we have to step outside? Hang on. All right. I get out of the podcast. You're coming out with me this time because I've got a passcard. But you have to stay in. Why do we have to step outside? Hang on. All right. Right, we're stepping out because... That's like the Star Trek door. Yeah, it was. That's the sound effect I used.

No, I just wanted to... Yeah, it's nice out here, actually, isn't it? It's a bit... No, no, lifeless today. Yeah, it's void-like. Usually it's like a void in's a bit, I don't know, lifeless today. Yeah, it's void life. Usually it's like a void in the sense of eternal nothingness. You can see Larry through the sunlight. Well, this is what I wanted to say.

Just between... This is what I'm bringing up. Okay. Between you and me, outside the podcast, I think we're done with Larry Hinchman, and I'd like him removed completely from... All right, why? I don't know why

you hate him so much because the problem with him is that he's a full stop on every idea I ever have I go oh there's a character

and then all I hear then is Inch Inch Inch Inch and it's maddening it drives me insane

yeah well I don't Larry's a friend of mine now but it's fine he hasn't been around for a friend of mine now. But it's fine. He hasn't been around for a while. I just get him to do stuff, you know, under the lid stuff. Under the radar. Under the lid?

Under the lid? Yeah, the lid of the podcast. Down there. He's been working on a lid. And there's that skylight. He is a useless cunt. Let me just say that right now. If you want certain measurements of things.

Does he have something on you, Larry? Is that why he's in the show? Does he know something about you I don't that keeps him around? Anyway. What has he got on you? No, that's fine. I'll ask him to go.

What has he got on you? I will ask him to go. I will say, I'll go out there. He's one more night. No, you know what? He's got one more night in the podcast. You know what?

I'll ask him to go and see what he says. All right. I'm going to go back in and speak to Larry. I've got one second. Can I have the card, please? Just come in with me now.

I can't, but then I won't be able to call you a cunt. Oh, you want to do that gag? Yeah. All right. Can I have a card? Here's the card.

I'm going to go in. I'll be in a second. What a cunt. Right, are we back in the podcast now? Yeah, I can't have got my card back. Yeah, there you go. Thank you very much. Larry! Larry, come here, mate.

Larry, sit down. Hello, yes. Eli's just in the back. I've got a question for you. Hi, Eli. It's a bit awkward. Larry Inchman, yes. But we've been looking at your contract.

We think you've... It's time for you to go. Eli specifically said it was time for you to go, and he was tired of it. So, what you're saying is... Eli specifically asked for you to leave the show. He told you that, didn't he? Yeah, he told me.

So I'm just carrying the bad news to you. Did you want more inches before I left? No, he said there was enough inches. Paul, I've got some spare if you'd like. No. I don't disagree with the decision, but Eli said he was done. Now, all I've got to know is Eli said something about make sure he gives me the photographs back and I just want to

know what. I'll just go. I'm just going to go. It's fine. Tell me what you know about Eli. I don't know anything. Tell me what you know about Eli. Why have you been hanging around? If you don't get inches you don't get stinges. If you don't. Yeah you are done as a character aren't you? You really are. If you don't take

the inches yeah i will not be doing the snitches all right right well yes now cut the beginning of that out where i fucked it up no i'm keeping that in because that's the rich life run of cheap show right i'm off inch inch bye forever inch forever i wonder how many inches it is to the door it will find out and go forever i'd surmise about ten. Inch, inch, inch, inch, inch. Inch, inch, inch, inch, inch. Thank you, Larry Inchman. Over and out.

Inch, inch, inch, inch. Inch, inch, inch. Eli, come back. He's gone. He's never coming back. What a great day in Cheap Show history this is. What a wonderful day. Okay, Paul, that's fine. You know, with that in mind. Cheap Show history this is. What a wonderful day. Okay, Paul, that's fine.

With that in mind. Cheap Show is a podcast where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops, and I don't know. You've said that already. Of Great Britain. Rummage sale. We have a scrammage in the rummage. Yes!

How is that the first time we've come up with that? How is that? I don't know. It's there now. I don't know. It's there now, Paul. So, yes, we have a lovely show for you today. We have a Price of Shite and we have a Cheap Eats.

Oh, and why don't you join us to see just what glories can be found? Let's go. Come on, everybody. Play the flipping sound effect, mate. Which one would you like today? I'm going to let you pick. Well, we had cash register last week. Yeah.

But, you know, we've got a... What else have you got? We've got Tuppences. That's the track where someone tosses a coin. Is it called Tuppences? I called it Tuppences. Oh, you called it Tuppences? Because it's a funny name.

You've labelled your file Tuppences. Yeah. That audio file is called Tuppences. Isn't that an old school word for a, you know, a winky? Well, it's a winkle. In a Derek and Clive there's a whole thing where it's like show me your tuppence.

Yeah. Show me your tuppence. Yeah, what's that from? That's from the mother sketch where it's like show me your tuppence. Yeah, and they mean what do they mean?

And Peter Cooke's just like fuck off and die mother. Lemonade or round the corner chocolate smoke. No, they mean the front pipe. Right. The belly yardstick.

I wonder why what's a tuppence is a coin. It's very un-penis like. I don't know. Or vagina like. I think it's just the word tuppence is nice coin. It's very un-penis like. I don't know. I think it's just the word tuppence is nice. Or bumhole like.

It's a bit like a bumhole. A tuppence is more bumhole like than fanny like. Do you know what I mean? Because you think

of like a dirty sort of... Bumhole. What have we got coming up in the show Paul? We've got a dirty tuppence.

No that's it. We're going to decide what sound effect we're going to play. So tuppence. We've got coins being shook in a pot. I like that one.

Let's have that one. We've got spinning coin. I like coins being... We've got shop door closing. I like coins being shook in a pot. ATM machine. Shook in a pot. Shook in a pot.

Would you like that one then? There's shook cones in a pot. I kept repeating it because I knew you were going to attempt it. Ah, fuck off. And you were going to fuck off. Fuck it, sorry. Coins. Shaking coins in a pot.

Here we go, off at number one today. Shaking coins in a pot. And now, everybody, it's time for Chippa Chippa Chippa Chippa Chippeats. Chippa Chippa Chippa Chippa Chippeats. Chippa Chippa Chippa Chippa Chippeats. Chippa Chippa Cheepa Cheepa Cheep Eats. Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheep Eats. Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheep Eats. Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheepa Cheep Eats. It's Cheep.

It's Cheep Eats. It's Cheep Eats. Cheep Eats. Cheep Eats. It's Cheep Eats, Paul. It's Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Che Cheap eats. Now in cheap eats, we like to go through all kinds of... It's cheap eats, Paul. Hey, it's cheap eats.

It's like old days. It's like... He's giving me a look, everybody. He's giving me that look. Literally 40 seconds in and I haven't even got to the point of the segment. What happens? I'll ask you. I'll set it up for you.

All right. Paul, what happens if someone I'm going to wring your fucking neck I just feel like today's the day I choke you like Homer Chet's bath Get Bill Donut back in Get fucking Bill Donut back Hello, yes, what?

Hello, I'm Bill Donut His voice has changed somewhat I've been drinking I heard the mean things you said about me. Drunk Bill Donut is mean Bill Donut. I'm a singer. I'm just a minke in a pot, pot, pot. And I go bobble, bobble all the time.

That's one of my favourite songs. I also have, this is my favourite. This is my favourite song. I, Paul. I also have, this is my favourite. Can you send Bill away? I have, this is my favourite song. I sing this on the cruise line ships. It goes like this. Don't wash it unless you've got a rag. Unless you've got a rag. You won't make it sag.

Oh, don't wash it unless you've got a rag. And your mummy has a sponge with soap. How about that? Do you like that song? That's very good, Mr. Donut. How about this song? If you could just send Paul back in. Mother, mother, do not spank me.

Mother, mother, do not spank me. Mother, mother, do not spank me. Because Daddy has spanked Cos Doughty has smacked my doubles Oh my god Paul, I'm going to have to fucking veto something soon I haven't sung in a while This cruise ship won't Let's do cheap eats, please

The cruise ship won't grab me on I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry for Larry Inchman Anyway, I'm Bill Send Bill off, please I'm Bill Dronut And I must go even though I have songs to sing I'll leave you with one of my

ballads Oh sister I'm sorry I gave you a blister right upon your quimto Come on Back down to earth Back in the room Paul Bill Donut.

He's a sad man. Now, Paul, I'm just not going to pass comment, okay? Yeah, he writes all his own songs. Fine, fine. Great character. Good. Bill, I'd like to glaze his donut. How about that?

It's good. Right. Anyway, cheap eats. Oh, now he wants to move on. Now, just as I get the spoff cannon ready, the metaphorical spoff glazer. Yes, the metaphorical spoff glazer. You know what?

It's like a fucking one of those machines that you can play tennis against. My dick. Wait, well, okay. Because it shoots out a rock hard lump of spoff every 30 seconds. That's a horrible idea to put forward. You missed.

You need to work on your service your sperm comes out with a tennis ball velocity you need to work on your forehand three minutes four minutes in

alright alright come on four minutes in I'm calm now you fucking I gave listen we were both very

indulgent of your shenanigans then weren't we? Makes a nice change. All right. Hey, you're always the naughty boy. I want to be the naughty boy. I'm getting my top off.

He is. He's getting his top off. Right. So usually in the segment, we go through all kinds of shops and find food that's on the cheap side that could be good. And sometimes we do it as an off-brand brand-off where we put branded items against the off-brand. It's a separate segment. Yeah, I know. But it's all within the cheap eats realm, isn't it? It's items against the off-brand. It's a separate segment. Yeah, I know, but it's all within

the Cheap Eats realm, isn't it? It's all within the same family tree. It's a clade of related segments. Yes. It's a tranche. Yeah, it is a tranche. It's a tranche. That camera's not on.

I know you keep looking at it, but it's not on. Listen, I can't help it. I'm naturally born to perform. Oh, speaking of which, you can now download Stuart Ashen's new movie, Ashen's and the Polybius Heist, starring Eli Silverman in a major featuring role.

Indeed do. It's on Vimeo and on Google Play. On the 19th. Not Vimeo. It's released on the 19th. That's two days. Oh, no, it's already out today. It's on Vimeo and it's on Apple.

It's out anyway now. And it's on most streaming services. It is out now. Amazon? Amazon Prime? Everywhere you can get it, can't you? Can I get it in... Can I get it on Wikipedia?

No, you can't get it there. Can I get it on YouTube? It's not everywhere. Yes, YouTube, yes. Can you? Yeah. You can always buy shit on YouTube, can't you? Yeah.

I've not seen it yet, but we are about to do a not to say shit buy stuff on youtube buy whatever stuff you like yeah stuff and things movies it's good this bit especially this bit we're doing haven't we you gotta pimp it it's all getting dark in here i don't like it it's getting i'll put the lamp on here we go all right there we go a bit more like we're gonna do cheap eats yes so uh this week we are mixing up um some of the cheap eats we've been given recently so eli's sourced his own we had a box that came in a couple of weeks ago now to the po box and details of that at the end of the show and one of them uh i think was from the ukraine no name on it but it was packed with really fascinating snacks no name we're also yeah so if that was you get in touch on twitter or email

us the cheap show at gmail.com and we'll give you the credit yes and of course can we just say uh what no anything about what paul you can say anything you want about me no paul yeah what am i good for absolutely nothing aren't we we're in the top 100 podcasts in slovenia yeah we were we broke the top 100 podcasts any genre? Yeah. Or maybe it's comedy. Which means there are maybe 99 more funnier Slovenian

comedy podcasts above ours. Which is, you know, fair, to be fair. So we're going to test out some of these Ukrainian or maybe Russian snacks. We're not quite sure. And what have you got with us?

Let's start with you then. We'll end with the Russian snacks. Let's start with a bit of a bang, Paul. It's a bit of a coup. A bit of a coup bang. Oreos. We all know them. start with a bit of a bang, Paul. It's a bit of a coup, I've scored. A bit of a coup bang. Oreos. We all know them. They do a lot of funny flavours.

I've picked a funny flavour up, and it's time for a celebration, Paul, because this is birthday cake flavoured Oreos. That's interesting. Now, this is an imported Oreo, right? From Japan? China, I believe. China.

Okay, where did you get it? Chinatown. Was it cheap? Here we go. Mate, the did you get it? Chinatown. Was it cheap? Here we go. Mate, the fucking podcast's called Cheap Show. It's about £1.50 or something. For a pack of biscuits, that's perfectly reasonable. For a pack of biscuits, it's perfectly reasonable.

Look, and also, you can have your own mini pack. Now, Paul, before we open these, birthday cake as a flavour. What does that mean? I'm asking you. I would say they would need to be tones of vanilla, the sponge cake,

icing sugary kind of thing. I see they've put hundreds of thousands in it. The illustration has a picture of two cupcakes. They're not what I'd call birthday cakes. Perhaps there's a whole

cultural thing here. And they put a cherry on it as well, which is a very unorthodox move. A maraschino cherry. Do we perhaps there's a whole cultural thing here and they put a cherry on it as well which is a very unorthodox move a maraschino cherry do we think there's going to be any of the flavour of a maraschino cherry within this biscuit? I've got a question

what do they do to cherries to make them glace? glace cherries maraschino yeah is that the same thing? they are because they're all hard and chewy and thick and gooey they're essentially what do they do to them?

soaked in sugar for years really that's all they do they just put them in a big in sugar for years. Really? That's all they do? They just put them in a big... Oh, to make them glace? Yeah. To make them like that? Yeah. I think it's just some treatment with sugar.

It's like sugar pickling, isn't it? Sugar pickling. They're like embalmed. Sugar pickling sounds delightful. I like that. Right, hang on. How makey de cherry. There we go.

Caramelised fruit. Candied fruit, also known as crystallized fruit or glacé fruit, has existed since the 14th century. Wow. Whole fruit, small pieces of fruit, or pieces of peel are placed in heated sugar syrup, which absorbs the moisture from within the fruit. That's what I said, right?

And eventually preserves it. Yeah, you're right. It's horrible. I like a candied fruit if I'm in the mood. I don't know. I've never really been in the mood. What did you think? Now, going back to the question, do you think...

Candied fruit. No. You make me toot. If I eat too many cherries, I fart and fart and fruit. That is so poor, mate. So poor. I'm sorry. Cherried fruit. No, please. Oh, my toot. Oh,

baby, yeah. Can you not? I squeeze my plums and I bloot bloot now there might be some little hundreds and thousands I'm gonna bloot up your shoot

don't bloot up there please I'll bloot there I've just cleaned it out I'll bloot your shoot don't bloot in the shoot go round the corner bloot in the bush

going out of a paving slab next right next what whatever it is you think we're doing. We're tasting biscuits, Paul. Now, individually wrapped,

I see they have designs on them. They're not individually wrapped though, are they? Well, they are quadratically wrapped. Quadratically wrapped. There's, in one box, you get two separate

stay fresh packs that have four cookies in each. Right, okay. So what design have you got? I have an illustration that seems to be showing how to break it in half like Teddy KGB does

in the film Rounders. Yeah. And it is a tell. I don't know what that is. It looks like... You know, do you break them in half like that? I think you're meant to

because I have a suspicion because the illustration shows it that you can see the hundreds and thousands if you open the cookie. So I'll be opening at least one of these I think it's just

one of those things like with Kit Kats how do you eat yours do you run your finger down it snap it do you tear it do you have free time

is that the same illustration you have on your half no my one makes it look like the Oreos are part of a thistle or some kind of plant

or a yeah like they're growing out of the ground or if you take it upside down they're yo-yos maybe I don't know that's bizarre

it's an odd one it's not as clear cut as your instructional image. No, it's just an instruction one. So let's have a little Huff. Mmm, pleasing. Oh, it's very sweet, isn't it? It's almost like a candy floss smell. Very sweet smell, yeah.

Like candy floss, yeah. But caramelise-y. A bit sort of burnt candy floss, yeah? Yeah. Oh, very vanilla I'm getting as well. Yes. Oh, the more you open the pack up the more the smell the hoof abides you need you need get the half well gaseous you know i just like

the hoof i know it's very nice isn't it very pleasing the hoof is waning come back come on you have to open one now now how do i do it i do i twist no yes you twist you do but you twisted oh mate look he can see the little hundreds and thousands. Oh, no. Yeah, you can see little... Well, I don't know if... Are they the little hundreds and thousands? That's part of the whole deal. It's like a little game to play with your Oreo.

Well, no, I don't think it's part of the game. I think people have their own different ways of eating, like I said before. You wouldn't put that, though, because you can't see it side on. You'd only do that for... Yeah, but no one does that. That's for the special people who want to see the hundreds and thousands. Yeah, if you want to see the hundreds and thousands, like, you've got it. You can't illustrate it on the fucking thing, then.

Because some people do that. They say, oh, look, you can do that for dunking or whatever. Yeah, but it's a special thing that they've built see the hundreds of thousands. Why do they illustrate it on the fucking thing then? Because some people do that. They say, oh, look, you can do that for dunking or whatever. It's a special thing that they've built into the design of these cookies. Or you can double stuff it where you take two and you put two white fondant centres together and make it double stuffed, don't you? I'm double stuffing this, mate. Yeah, I'll double stuff you.

Right, God, my put-downs are great today. I'm just going to taste this. I'm going to taste one just normally. Here we go. I'm going to eat both biscuit and cream at the same time. I'd be hard-pressed to tell the difference between that and an ordinary Oreo. Well, yeah, there is a difference. I can definitely taste the difference.

Really? Yeah. I would say that this is just... It's more sugary in its flavour, whereas the Oreo filling tends to be more obviously vanilla. You see what I'm saying? And this, this is the birthday cake. This is a bit more like

you're eating icing sugar where it's a bit more vanilla-y with the original Oreo. Well, that's what you get on a birthday cake is the icing and that's what everyone

likes anyway, isn't it? So maybe what the biscuit is meant to represent the cupcake? Yeah, I think it is. Look, yeah, because I've got the illustration of the cupcake.

Perfectly fine but nothing special in the taste department. No. I also saw those Walker's Crisps sausage roll flavour. You need to order them before they disappear. perfectly fine but nothing special in the taste department no I also saw those walkers crisps sausage roll flavour you need to order them

before they disappear we've got some crisps coming up right now don't we oh let's go so do you want to rate them out of 10 I mean I'd enjoy that

with a cup of tea but I wouldn't go back to that flavour no I like them they're nice dependables I prefer the smell the huff on those

the huff was very very pleasing ah do you know it just reminds me of flavour wise Lucky Charms yeah like that American

cereal thing artificially which I kind of like I kind of like that I'm very very partial to Lucky Charms it's my not guilty pleasure

but I can in my dark hours demolish a box what is a guilty pleasure well I don't like the phrase guilty pleasure really it's like saying

oh that dirty dancer ought to guilty pleasure I know I don't but also if you look at it's like saying oh that dirty dancer ought to guilty pleasure but also if you think about it it's actually quite dark because actually if you actually had a guilty pleasure or a pleasure that you should feel guilty about would be something you should feel guilty about if you were into watching videos of dogs being kicked to death

yeah exactly I've got a guilty pleasure yeah that's a guilty pleasure not like I like Phil Collins I mean fucking no shit Sherlock everyone fucking loved him. He sold millions of records. Unless it was you liked Phil Collins in his later days when he's really poorly and frail,

and you like watching him dodder about and not be able to quite reach his high notes. Oh, he turned up to a Genesis rehearsal the other day in his wheelchair. Did he? Yeah. Okay, look, is he well enough to play drums? Well, he can wheel it up to the kick, can't he?

It's not a disability that really... You're being mean about him now. He'll probably pass away now that we're discussing him. It's a cheap show, isn't it? I'm surprised we haven't mentioned Des O'Connor recently. No, we totally haven't. Because he was very milquetoast in my mind. He was, but he was a huge star and obviously a lovely guy.

And it is one of those situations where it's like, last of the old guard. Yes. The Bruceys, all those. Yeah, totally. And he was big in the early 60s, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a singer, actor, TV show host, talk show host.

He did it all. He's one of those guys, unfortunately, when you go to the singles in a charity shop, the 7-Eleven, and you flick through. Didn't he have a big hit? Oh, there's quite a spattering of Dez O'Connor's in here. You know what I mean? Yeah.

There's a drizzling of Connor. Doesn't bode well for the overall quality of the crate. Same for when you see an overabundance of Mrs. Mills albums. Yeah. Jesus Christ. She must have 7 million albums. Well, didn't you say that she's like one of the most populous album sellers after the Beatles or something

in this country, or even more? She outsold the Beatles in certain years in the 60s, I think. Because of the charity shop deluge of those Mrs. Mild albums, there must have been like a countrywide moment of clarity where all these people who were in their 30s, well, 40s maybe when they bought the albums, the old dears, who went, what the fuck am I doing with this shit? I went, oh, give it away.

Yeah. Or they die and then their son or daughter's going for all their belonging. It's like, oh, my nan loved Mrs Mills. She was big, but it was just a type of thing that just went. Not a thing. Remember all those albums of just people who play piano, like Bobby Crush could have a career. These days you can't go, oh, I who play piano like Bobby Crush could have a career these days you can't go I can play piano

like a twat yeah it's very hard you can't get Liberace's these days but mind you I listened to fucking cigarettes

after sex song the other day what's that everyone thinks they're great cigarettes after sex is it a band yeah

a new band a trendy new band? Yeah, they've been around for about... What, a couple of years? No, about four or five years now, I think. I've never heard of them.

No, I always thought that's a terrible name for a band. I'm not going to listen to that. But then I was on my phone on the bus the other day and I thought, oh well. And someone made a comment about it or whatever

and I thought, I'll listen to it. What's the genre? Dreary rock? Yeah. Like that, sort of soft you know like like third rate

fucking Velvet Underground do you know what I mean it's just like have we not moved on people cue the fucking I'm Bill Donut I remember releasing a few albums

Bill Donut is not in in the room in my time in my time I released an album called Bill Donut is shit. My first album was called Mummy's Secrets.

And, yes, it was a good album. It had all my favourite hits. What was your breakthrough hit, Bill? Oh, you don't remember. I don't even remember asking you into this segment. I don't remember. Here was my big... It was a disco hit.

Oh, yeah. It went like this. What was it called, though? Oh, she went to the disco. I went there, too. She came over and said, I want to dance with you. And so we danced. Danced to the disco.

What was it called? Disco beat. It's called disco beat. And we were dancing disco when I did the mamba jar. She did the hucha when we danced into a jar of lard. The mamba jar. Mamba jar. The mamba jar.

That sounds... Disco beat. Disco beat. You must remember it. It was at number one in Slovenia for two years. Bill, Bill, Bill. Bill, you're wanted. What?

They've got a gig for you. It's your agent. Is it my agent? It is your agent. They have a gig for you. Oh, dirty bastard wants me? Yes. Right, okay.

I'll go see. Is it in the next room? It's in the next room now. Okay, bye. You know, I have sound effects. I can just do that. Yeah, well, if you didn't bring the fucking character in. Now, what are we tasting?

Is that all you've got? No, I'll be going with one of yours. Oh, okay, yeah. So, okay, let's look at this box. We've got what looks like a bag of crispy type things. We've got what looks like a kind of bread biscuit almost. Party mix. Look into that.

And then we've also got something called haroon which looks like little kind of cracker biscuits with it look like they're sort of sour do you want to try first we try the big ones yeah all right let me use my i believe russian to english translating device on my google's phones let's have a look at what it says camera there'll be pictures of all these on the website oh it says slop says slop. Slop day. For some reason it keeps translating the word in the middle as either slop or day. It's probably day. Oh, hang on.

There's a picture of the sun and under the sun it says chipsies with relish, caramelised pepper. And it's quite spicy. There are two peppers on there as well. Two hot peppers, chilli peppers. So it looks like some kind of crisp that's caramelised pepper.

It's a relished, caramelised pepper relish crisp. Would you like to take the hoof since you're the expert? I'll give it, I'll hoof it off. I'm actually looking forward to this. I'm tearing the corner,

just an ever so slight tear to the corner, just enough to squeeze out air particles for the hoof. Okay, now there's going to be a bit of a toot because in transit, all the hoof air has gone somewhere and it's almost like

this is vacuum packed. So I'm going to have to make a hole, draw some fresh hoof air onto the crisp and then give it a little mix around, get the hoof air

and then sample that. Right, the snips happen. Now, sucking it in. He's sucking the air in. Oh, sucking the air in. He's done that. He's pulled the bag and it's up the nose. I hate that. That's sucking the air in. Oh, sucking the air in. He's done that. He's pulled the bag. And it's up the nose.

I hate that. That's such a horrible, haunting image. What have we got? Very crispy. As in smells like crisps. Right, potato-y. Yeah. Right.

That's not getting much else. No, you're not getting much in the fourth sense. Ooh. Ooh. There's a pepperiness now once I've opened the bag for the full half report. Sweet pepper? Top pepper? Just a pepper. Just like pepper's opened the bag For the full huff report Sweet pepper Top pepper Just a pepper

Just like pepper's pepper Alright can I have a quick huff It's peppery Here we go Oh yeah I know what you mean It's peppery But like dark peppery Is that what you'd say

It's like paprika Yeah a little bit Well it's meant to be Caramelised pepper God I don't Here we go Just haven't got the No enthusiasm for these

And the smell of them Mmm Actually I quite like these It's got a nice umami thing going on. You don't like them? What's wrong? They're just nasty, man. In what way nasty? Explain to me more.

The peppery flavour sort of degenerates into this sort of mankiness. Do you know what it does, weirdly? The pepper goes quickly and it leaves almost like a chicken flavour behind. It's all just sort of smudged around. There's no distinct flavour. They're too sweet,

I think, as well. That sweetness isn't really offset by anything else. No, fair enough. I like more of a sharp saltiness or a sharp chilliness. It's almost cheese and onion-y,

isn't it, the flavour? You know what I mean? I don't like the aftertaste. Yeah, I don't mind it. I quite like it. I thought it was going to be a bit more abrasive. They're not that bad. This is unusual. Usually you're the one who goes, oh, I like that. And I'm like, oh,taste. Yeah, I don't mind it. I quite like it. I thought it was going to be a bit more abrasive. They're not that bad.

This is unusual. Usually you're the one who goes, oh, I like that. And I'm like, oh, no, I find it cool. They're okay. Yeah, they're okay. They're not really jumping out at me. Yeah, no, I agree. They're fine.

They're all right. Two and a half. If you were in a bowl at a party and I was a bit drunk and so, that'd be ideal. Yeah, you'd eat them. They do have a bit of a kick I'm getting now. A bit of a pepperiness. A little bit, but it's not front and centre. Even those two little chilli logos on the front don't really mean much.

To me, it was all just a bit too indistinct, the flavour. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's neither one thing or another. Right, next, what have you got? What would you say? Three out of five or two and a half? I'm going two and a half.

I'm going to go with 2.75.6. Stroke forward, pi eight. Listen, just because you don't have a basic understanding of, you know, percentages or decimal places. Why does it hurt you when I say 2.5? What can't you understand about that? It's halfway between 2 and 3. I just reject it.

I just outright reject it. Well, why? Because you're a prick, aren't you? Right. Okay, we're going to go back to me now. So how many items have you got? Just one more. All right, well, let's do one of these Russian ones again,

so then we can go back and forth. Okay. So let's do the party mix. Are any of these sweet? Don't think any of these are sweet, are they? No, they're not. So that's why I'm wondering if yours are sweet. No.

The answer is no. I've got crisps. Right, so we've had the sweet one already. We've got loads of crisps, mate. Right, here we go. So this is a packet of what the packaging calls is flint. Hope it's not made out of flint. Don't want to lose a tooth.

Crack a tooth on it. Because it's flint, Paul. Flint. Right, I'm just going to let you carry on trying to make that work. Concrete, innit? I've got these new crisps. Concrete blocks, they're called. Quite chewy. This bit's getting cut out anyway, isn't it?

Yeah. Cunt flat. This is not telling me much. Flappity flap. I'm going to scan it. Here we go. Let's have a little look. Just by looking at it,

it looks like little breadstick-y kind of things. Ah, they're little biscottis. Oh, these could be sweet, but it's called party mix. Yeah, to me, it says they're going to be much more like a kind of bready pretzel-y kind of thing. Yeah, but it looks like there's at least two types, aren't there? Yeah, it feels like something for a dip.

Let's get a huff on this, Paul. It's time for the huff. Flint, the huff of the flint. A little bit. This has got its own air in the pack, so you just need a little snip off the corner, straight up the nose. Straight up the old nose hole. Here we go.

It's gingerbread. Is it? It's that sort of thing. Interesting. I didn't expect that. Oh, it's cakey. Oh, it doesn't smell that great. All right.

I shouldn't have done cheap eats after I ate. I should have kept the hunger. It's a cakey huff, like a ginger cakey huff. That's what I got. But also, it couldn't decide whether it was sweet or savoury. Oh, no. Do you see what I mean? I don't smell that at all.

What do you smell? A kaleidoscope of herbs and spices. Well, it's that spice, that ginger or nutmeg. I can't smell any ginger or nutmeg in this. I'm going to take the little brown biscuit. Well, maybe you're right. Because it's sweet. See, they're quite weird.

It's almost like it's tomato-flavoured or something. What colour is that, the brown one or the white one? It's very brown. That's definitely a tomato-flavoured rusk. Isn't it? It's like a fake pizzeria kind of thing. Oh, God. I'm going to try a lighter one.

It's like a cereal with... It's burnt tasting. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to try a blonde one. I'm having the blonder one. It's the same thing as with the crisps. It's this kind of mulchy... Do you know what I mean?

Sort of generalised, savoury sort of flavour. Mate, what a shit party. It's like there's a party in my mouth And someone's brought a donkey That died After shitting At your party? Yeah

There's a You're confusing There's a horse vet No you're confusing There's a horse vet here You know the horse vet has BO Paul It's like a party in my mouth

Someone brought a donkey As a laugh The donkey died after shitting Now we've got the horse vet Terrible BO this horse vet he's got and bad breath not much of a party

I did not like those I truly did not like this like the combination of the texture they're flints I guess they are like little rocks

oh I see aren't they but I don't know it's got that biscuit cereal texture to it serving suggestions on the back

different sauces. Perhaps there's sauce that comes with it. Maybe the sauce would be better with it, I'd imagine. Like salsa. It looks like a salsa-type sort of dipping sauce they've got on the back. Yeah. It's just a different kind of flavour profile that seems to be the thing from this country, whatever it is.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. It's their sort of Generalised savoury Punishment food Well either way It's not the worst thing In the world

We like the crisps better Than the flints Yeah I think it's just They were sort of burnt tasting The texture and the flavour Just don't seem to mix For me personally

But there you go I prefer the crisps So One and a half Yeah one and a half Right What have you got now Hopefully

Something British Paul Oh god Something British to save cheap eats. Here it comes to save the day. Kent. Don't be rude. Kent crisps. These I spotted, Paul,

the other day and I have not seen this brand. They had standard posh flavours like sea salt and cider. It's like this vinegar, mate. Just call it fucking vinegar. Rather than cheese and cider, it was all. You know what I mean? It's like this vinegar, mate. Just call it fucking vinegar. Rather than cheese and onion, it's always kind of, you know. Yeah. Wensleydale

special cheese and like farmer grown onions. Farmer Andrew Johnson's onions. Oh, I like onions. Right. Do you want me to sing the tune? No, no, no no no Bill really you've done

you've overreached yourself today Bill please please go it's not just me Eli saying this I'm talking on behalf of the sane

half of Paul's brain as well I've been drinking if you Bill I've got a little message for Paul yeah I want you to tell him this

the knob people Richard knob people with his two inhabitant spouses in his brain will be coming back. And I remember how their voice goes. Eli, I'm just very sorry. I've been drinking.

I get so lonely. Bill! Shut up. Poor Bill's got a backstory, ladies and gentlemen. Just tell him to poodle-oo. Bye, everyone. Toodle-oo. Bye.

Bye, Bill. Bye. Bye Bill. Oh, poor Bill. Kent! Don't call me that! No, you men have left. Kent crisp ball, I saw these. Right, so what's the flavour?

They're really going for the British thing. They have a... Oh, union flag? A union flag on the packet of crisps and a Spitfire, I believe. Is that a Spitfire?

Yes. It's like, what do people remember about Britain? The war. That's it. It's just winning the war So these are Brexit crisps

In other words Aren't they Brexit crisps Oh no They're made by Spitfire I don't understand Spitfire is like ale Yeah no

Okay So this is a pub crisp Fundamentally It's roast beef And Spitfire ale But they've got the logo Of Spitfire ale On the crisp

But they're Kent crisps So it's a crossover Alright so they've done A marketing thing then Right We'll be the logo of Spitfire Ale on the crisp, but they are Kent crisp, so it's a crossover, obviously. All right, so they've done a marketing thing then. Right, we'll be the judge of that. I'll get the huff out. Oh, Bill's been sick. But I don't...

Mate, Bill's been sick on the carpet. It's fine. Bill! Well, you've sacked Larry Inchman. He used to deal with that. He was doing all the janitor stuff, Paul. Is that who did all the cleaning up after we recorded? Yeah, you fucking just completely sacked him.

Bill, you've let me down, mate. Bill, we'll have to fucking move in. I'll fucking deal with Bill. Come here, Bill. I'm very sorry. What? No, you get in there and clean it up. Get in there.

I'm sorry. I'll slap you. I'm so sorry. I'm lonely. I know. It's all right. I'll come in there later. No, you're I know. It's all right. I'll come in there later. No, you're so lonely.

It's all right, Bill. I'll come give you a special shampoo later. On my dicky wick? Paul, it could be the birth of something that people really love. Bill, could be. Is it Christmas? I don't usually get the shampoo on my'll get Nicky Wicked at Christmas. Oh, you might.

You just need to leave. Will you dress up as Matey? Ah, yeah. I'll dress up as a bottle of Kids Bubble Bath. I love doing that. Yes. Retro Kids Bubble Bath. I've got all of them. I do Matey, Wendy, I do Henry the Hoover,

which isn't Bubble Bath, obviously. And who's Henry's mate? Garrod. Anyway, I'll clean up this sick. Yeah, clean up the sick and then you can sleep down two sections down. I'll clean up the sick. I'm so sorry. Just go to Larry Inchman's quarters.

You're so lonely. It's fine. I'll lock you in there and you'll be doing... That's his catchphrase. He sings and then he goes, I'm so lonely. Roast beef. I'll lock you in there and you'll be doing... That's his catchphrase. He sings and he goes, I'm so lonely. He walks off. Roast beef and Spitfire crisps, Paul. Oh, yeah. We're doing that. Right.

34 minutes, mate. It's going to be a mammoth, this. Yeah. It's because of you. So I'm going to snip, do the half snip on these. Right. What's your thoughts just before I inject this half up the nose? What's the flavour again?

Roast beef and Spitfire ale. Oh, it's probably going to be really Monster Munchie. Why do you think that? I don't know. You've asked me to say that. Monster Munchie with maybe a little bit of kind of, I don't want to say vinegar, but there'll be a... I think the ale is going to lend it a sort of umaminess,

which could be quite nice, which is why I picked that up. An oaty kind of thing. Oh, I'm getting straight beef on the huff. Kind of stuff. I'm getting just a straight up beef crisp experience on the huff. Let's have a second opinion. A second huffpinion. Oh, they just smell like beef flavoured crisps.

No. Do you know what they smell like? Many years ago, and I think it was Walker's, but I'm not sure, but they brought out a Bovril flavoured crisp. Oh, they smell like that, do they? They smell a Bovril flavoured crisp oh they smell like that do they they smell like Bovril crisps

I used to like those I used to like them oh they've got that texture to them that kind of rough texture with the thick flavour coating oh why does it taste

so farce it tastes farcey doesn't it well farty yeah it tastes like gristle yeah those are unpleasant

as well oh they taste like gristle. Yeah, they're farty. It's like bone marabou jelly kind of. Yeah, yeah. Dog foodie. Oh, fucker.

They are. They taste like dog food. It tastes like dog food. And to think, they're manufacturing that shit, Paul. And do you know what they've discontinued? KP, you're fucking discontinued? What? Branigans.

How much better would a lovely Braniganigan that Branigan shit's all over that mate Branigans flies a biplane and like literally vomits out all over that there's like very little beef to this

a hearty combination of roast beef and spitfire ale nah the pride of Britain's oldest brewer shepherds kneel yeah that's it

head brewer Richard says the Kentish hops in our signature range give the perfect zesty punch to the rich roast beef. Bullshit. I disagree. It's a failed crisp. They'd love to hear from you on Twitter or Facebook

and their best before variety, Lady Claire. Is that the name of the potato? The Lady Claire? The variety is Lady Claire, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Lady Claire. Well, the actual build of the actual crisp themselves, not bad, were they? They were quite hearty.

No, a nice cut, nice flavour. But the flavour was just absolutely piss. Really piss. They're like a kettle chip, isn't it? It's like one of those rustic, more rustic crisps. Yeah, I guess. It's just piss. The flavour was very farty.

Piss. What were we going to say, one? Yeah, 0.5. All right. I didn't like them at all. The flavour felt like I was gnawing. Do you know when you finish a chop and then you sometimes gnaw on the bone and you have that gristly flavour?

Yeah. They weren't great. Oh, God. I feel absolutely really fucking horrible right now. Well, I don't think the last item is really going to save you from the mouth sickness because it's some kind of sour cream and chive flavoured biscuit. And it's called Harum. This could be the dark horse. Harum.

H-R-O-O-M exclamation mark. Harum. Harum. Right, I'm going to open this one. Oh, it's a nice perforated thing. That's nice. These might be in some damage

because they're... Well, they seem to be in the individual packets. One. There's only one individual packet. Foil packet. Okay. It's a long foil packet is

brandishing have a huff on that weird what do you think that smells like don't think what it's meant to smell like what does it remind you of smell wise so uh cheese and onion flavor crisps no what is wrong with your nose that smells to me like instant noodles yeah a bit like that a bit like that without the seasoning right i'm gonna open you're getting at. Right. I'm going to open them up. They're very thin. They're Haroon wafers. Oh, wow. They're really thin.

These could be the dark horse. These could be nice. I thought these were going to be thicker like a... I thought they were going to have some kind of filling. Cracker wheat or whatever they're called. I thought they were going to have some kind of goopy filling. Look at how thin that is. These are wafer thin. These are wafer thin crisps.

These are feathery light. Wow. Big oblongs of feathery light biscuit crisp stuff. They look like bookmarks. These are a bit like bobbies. These look like those bobbies, those new bobbies strips. Oh, they do, but they even look thicker than that. This is like really bookmarky.

That's very nice, very oniony. Very light as well. Not heavy, it's like light in texture and in flavour. Nice oniony flavour, do you know what I mean? Quite a nice aftertaste. Almost onion ringy. Very much so. I like those.

I like them. They're my favourite thing we tasted today. The dark horse. It certainly was. We ended on it up. Best name as well. Haroom. Haroom.

Exclamation mark. Haroom, you take my breath away. They seem moreish in that way, the cheese and onion sort of crisp. Is somebody singing? No. I'll come in and sing no here we go that's what I do

I sing I do you take my breath away someone recently said I fucking hate Cheap Show and Paul Sings yes so do I well you're going to hate this episode

aren't you fucking hell mate tell me what to fucking do in my show you're going to hate this episode, aren't you? Fucking hell, mate. Tell me what to fucking do in my show. I'm going to get Don McNubbin in.

Don McNubbin in. All right, what do you want to give these out of five? I'm going to give them 3.5.

I've got a 3.75 for the Haroons. They're nice. Be nice with a bit of dip, wouldn't they? Like a Philadelphia-style

soft cheese. Something like that. Maybe even a kind of light salsa wouldn't it? Like a Philadelphia-style soft cheese. Something like that. Maybe even a kind of light salsa. And they're built for dipping. They're very square. You can do stuff with them. Yes. Well, what an interesting segment of the show.

We're all done. We've had five items. You can see pictures on the website of what these boogers look like. And thanks for joining us. That's been a successful segment of the Cheap Show podcast. Join us after the sound effects for more Cheap Show larks. Don't you dare do that.

That's just, I'm just adding to you. You add nothing to me. You're like an appendage that died. No, I'm not. You're like a withered arm that's been growing up my back. More like a conjoined twin that died in the womb

that's stuck inside you. No, do you know what it is? This is more like the film Basket Case. I'm the young man with the basket and you're the little goblin. Which was his brother. Yeah. Which was his brother. You're the basket case monster.

No, I'm like that, but I'm inside you and I'm nestling amongst your lungs. And I'm like, Paul, Paul, Paul. In fact, Paul, this is where in fact Paul this is where the knob people No, the knob people are not coming into my chest I live inside you, I'm Richard Knob People Get out of my chest Knob People I've got a whole clan of people living in my head

Sorry, I'll talk to the sensible And he's lost the calculator You're like bye bye, he's lost it I'll talk to the sensible one Adeline Knob. I saw the car stuttering. Hello, I'm Adeline Knob. I live inside Paul as well.

And I live in Richard Knob people's whole face. I live in his head like. I'm just going to put the sound effect. I'm going to telepathically communicate with Paul. Paul, listen to me. Paul. Yes. I'm ending this segment with a sound.

Josh, you're not Paul. Oh, all right then. Home, you take my breath away. No, stop it. I'm pressing the fucking button now. I bloated my shoes. Just turn it off. Paul, I just wanted to say

I don't like who I've become, the way I was treating Bill Donut then. Bill Donut's been through a really tough time. I just want to say he's on the skids. He's a made-up character, everybody. He's not. He's not happy at all. I wasn't really suggesting I imprison him in the podcast.

We're saying it's like sex slave thing. Well, you're the one bringing it up. We'd all moved on from that. We hadn't, though. I had. I haven't. I blanked it. I know, because you were busy playing Bill, weren't you?

Well, Mr. Silverman wants me now. He's transformed within this very episode. Well, he wants me. A completely dull dull monotone serial killer and then he was a singer and now

I am a singer I am a good singer I am daddy taught me how to count the spanks upon my bum

one two one three four spanks upon my bum daddy taught me how to count the spanks upon my dinkle

one two three four spanks upon my dinkle one two three four smacks upon my dinkle what's it time now for paul it's time for the price of shite it's the fucking price of shite it's the fucking price of shite it's the fucking price of shite oh it's that fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's that fucking price of shite. And that's right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Right.

It's the price of shite, everybody. Now, we have a bespoke edition. We will be playing competitive price-o-de-shite-o tonight. Oh, it's exciting.

Poor Lee. It's exciting. We're going to get the betwingeth. They will be enclosed in my golden wingeth. In your piece of hand, you have a paper. In my piece of hand, you have a paper.

In my piece of hand, I have a paper. Oh, fuck. You gannon that right up. I did. You have the paper. And who has sent us? Are you going to read it? Shall I read it?

Yes, I'll let you read it. There's not much to read. Just read the top two bits, really. This is from Kyle. Remember Kyle sent her... Isn't it Kyle always who always sends us everything? No, Kyle sent the Scottish, the Iron Brew stuff. From last week?

This is part two of it. This is the Price of Shite he sent. Okay, thank you, Kyle. Paul slash Eli. Sounds like a psychopath. Here's a Price of Shite. A froth shop and some platters. But we've done...

We've done the froth shop because that was kind of the old Iron Brew. The platters were like shit, Kyle. They were. We had one or two of them used, I think. But this is a price of the shite. Yeah. All items together. Here's some pertinent information, Paul.

Yeah. I could have just kept to myself. Well, I've seen that bit as well. You've seen that bit, yeah. Well, it's on the fucking main letter, so yeah. I'm just trying to get an angle, some kind of extra half a between on average or something. Shall I go back to my room now, Mr. Silverman? I just need to know

if I need to go. Bill, Mr. Donut, we won't be, I'm sorry, what I... I'll go. Yeah, leave the actual podcast front door, yeah?

Into old, Mr. Inchman's old room? No, no. I've made a nest there now. Because I won't be able to trust my imaginary self. There'll be a night dickman. An imaginary night dickman

will come in. You know what? You know what. An imaginary night dickman. You know what? You know what? Exactly. Exactly. Stop. You know what? I'll just go, I shall. Yes, go out the front door.

I'll just go. Daddy taught me how to count the facts Yes, your dinkle. On my body. Yeah, tuppence. One, two, three, four. Oh, he seems happy now.

Oh, good. Now, Paul, you were saying to me, just on a minor point before we get into this Price is Right, before the podcast, you were like, Paul, you were saying to me, just on a minor point before we get into this Price is Right, before the podcast, you were like, I was listening back to last week. It's really nice because we didn't do any Spoff or Chotney jokes for two half hours straight.

And you've just gone against yourself. I don't know. It's balance, isn't it? Ebbs and flows. You've done about six songs. Bill Donut has done a whole album's worth of tunes on this fucking podcast. He's got many more albums worth of stuff. I'm sure he does.

All songs he's written himself. Do you want to play a piece of shite, though? Because I will just award myself Infinite Between. The Stone of Infinite Between. And it will rest on my gooch, Paul. It will rest there forever. He's just gone now. No.

Go on. Read it. That's all the letter is anyway. Telling you about my gooch and Paul. It will rest there forever. He's just gone now. No. Go on. Read it. That's all the letter is anyway. Telling you about my gooch and the stone of Betwingathon. Give me the paper. Infinite gooch stone of Betwingathon. All items together, Paul,

are under a fiver. Right. Under. The accumulative amount will be a five pound no more. That is what he said. Good to know. The rest of it you can skip.

Okay, that's fine. So I have in my hand this piece of paper and the answers are on it. They're taped up so we can't have access. Now we need a pen to take down our... Have you got one? I'll have a look for a pen. I tell you what.

Bill, come over here, Bill. Sing us a song. He's left already. It's what we can get him in for to come and do some songs. Bill! Bill! No,

he's, he's, he's, I think he's asleep. Thank God. So, Eli's in charge of point scoring today. I like this. Does the pen work? No. Right, go look for another pen. I'll see if Bill's awake. I'll try and wake Bill. Bill! Here's your chance, mate. Come on. Bill!

Bill! Mate, he's not coming. Bill. No, it's fine. I found a pen. And it works. Mate, could have had Bill singing a song while you did all that. We could have, but we didn't.

What is this? Did you? Just go down the street. I'll call you a cab. Why? My name is Bill. Yeah, your name is Bill. Oh, I've still got it.

You know what I'm thinking? It's like a musical version of Grumpy Sessions. I didn't want to say it, Paul. Didn't want to say it. They could win the new Callan and Ball. Yeah, we can do that some other time. But honestly now, right at this moment, Paul, I just want to get through this segment.

Come on. Price of Shite, remember that? Yes. Competing against each other. There were three items, I believe, because there's only three items here. So I hope there's not a fourth that I've lost. How are three items, I believe, because there's only three items here, so I hope there's not a fourth that I've lost.

How are the betweeneth to be awardeth till I can clutch it to my breasteth with my golden wingeth with the downy feathers

of gold? We're going to go old school. Two points on the nose for the price. Between, between. One point if you're 25p either way, the actual price.

Between. And that's it, isn't it? That's it, really. Don't we get, if we get, no, no. That's it. If we're doing bare, either way, the actual price. Per twing. And that's it, isn't it? That's it, really. Don't we get... No. No, that's it. That's it. If we're doing bare bones basics.

Bare bones basic per twing. It's that simple. You did all right last time. The most any one of us could score would be six per twings. Yes. We get all three prices exactly right. Yes. I'm happy with that.

Right. First item, then. Ready? I don't know anything other than the items. There's no descriptions on the main letter. I'd like to see the first item, Paul. I think I'm ready for it. It's a maned power adapter.

Fucking hell, what has gone wrong with this? With our show, man. You know, I mean, I'm going to say something about this, am I? Yeah, potentially something funny. Fuck me. I'll shove it. I'll tell you what is funny. I looked at this box

earlier today and there's a problem. It's in a box and it's a charge cable. There's a problem with it. What's it for? Charging things in it. What, just general things?

I mean, I don't know if it's multi-charge but it's multi-adapter. It's a main power adapter but who's seen that connection it's got on it? Well, that's the problem. The problem is

is that that connection is multi-connected which means you're meant to put different power leads on the end of it so you can use it in different types of powered items a tv a mini tv what though would you put on the end of that well all sorts because you know like some power adapters are just different shapes and sizes to fit into your laptop or to your tv okay it's that but they're not in that box so you've just got a useless power adapter yeah the things aren't in there no the nobules the adapter bits yeah so it's a useless thing i don't know how i feel about that i'm gonna say he should have checked it before he bought it kyle anyone listening you might look at it and go

ha ha ha ha but check it before you send it because it might be lacking a component which makes it useful otherwise it's a farce you can't even throw it in the bin, it says. I'm going to say 150 for that. I was thinking around that, maybe one. We don't have to say now, but I'd probably undercut you there and go for £1.25. Well, I'm going to stick with 150 for this. Are we going to say now?

Is this what we're going to say now? Do we have a chance to change our minds afterwards? I guess so. All right, I'm going to take this down as a tentative first score. Right, so 150 for me, 125 for Mr. Silverman. Power adapter is the item. Item number two. Are you ready for it?

Okay. Let's see the second item, please. Second item is this. It's a clear plastic flat Christmas tree ornament. Now, that's more like it. That can go in a window, maybe. But it's not a Christmas tree ornament. It's a Christmas ornament in the shape of a Christmas tree. It's not for putting

on a Christmas tree, is it? It's a Christmas tree ornament. Oh no, I get what you mean. Yeah, but it still works. Don't confuse everyone. Look. It's green. It's translucent Paul. It has gingerbread men on and bells. And also this weird lozenge shape. Sort of more of an abstract shape.

Balls, yeah. And balls. Candy canes. Are there candy canes? yeah balls and candy canes there are other candy canes yeah candy canes a couple of candy canes there at the bottom of the tree presents and a sack sacko nugget sacko nugget oh on the top could have some new girl in there could a star on the top there's a star on the top represents the jesus birth normal christmas tree yeah very thin trunk it's got a uh stained glass window feel to it, doesn't it? It certainly does. And it has a little hole so it would hang.

Yes, I would hang it in a window. On the wall. Oh, in the window so the light can come through. That's what it is. It's a green light. Yeah, that's what it is. It's not for a Christmas tree. I never said it was.

I said it was a Christmas tree. It represents a Christmas tree. Yes, but it's an ornament shaped as a Christmas tree. If you said to me, here's a Christmas tree ornament and I had no, I did no other context, Paul, I think this is an ornament to put on a Christmas tree. Yeah, but if you didn't

have any context for it. So you said it wrong is what I'm trying to fucking say. Right, now let's do something. It's a pane glass ornament shaped like a Christmas tree, everybody. Do something witty with it now. Don't rub it there.

You were going to, weren't you? You were going to give it a good old scruffing on your gooch oh look oh Christmas beard I like that that's good oh it's like

whose line is it anyway oh I've got a big green beard must have been eating too many sprouts no you're like the new John Sessions because the old one's dead oh

give it here and now it's time for my time to improvise oh I've got a tree in me arse oh that's terrible I've got a tree in me bum I've got warts in my arse um

I need a prize for you for the stained glass window effect Christmas tree shaped decoration now before we go any further I will point one thing out. He has scratched off the price somewhat poorly, but he has attempted to at least release the price from...

He should get that off with a bit of a scrubber. Bit of IPA, rub that on there. Maybe just give it a warm wash and a bath. Something like that. I'm going to say... Give it a bed bath. 75p for this. You can't guess twice.

This affects the game. You have to guess three times, don't I? No, but you can't guess first twice. All right, well, then you guess. Someone has to do it twice, don't they? Yeah, well, you guess. Well, you've guessed already. Well, then, great.

You can guess first next. Fucking, that would be only fair. Yeah, you can guess first last, can't you? You get 66% of the guessing firsts, don't you? Oh, it's a fan. What else is it? It's a tongue. Oh, it's a big green tongue. Don't lick me with that, mister. Oh, me go a fan. What else is it? It's a tongue. Oh, it's a big green tongue.

Don't lick me with that, mister. Oh, me gooch is almost. What else is it? It's a... It's a guitar. Oh, man, I'm at the craziest rock gig. Yeah, man. What else is it?

What else is it? It's a... Oh, God, it's a... You're going to run out of things to fit me. It's a... It's a heart. It's a heart. It's a Christmas're gonna run out of things to fit me it's a do do do do do do do do

it's a heart it's a heart it's a Christmas tree heart fail give it to me no it's my turn do do do do

next come on think Paul think Paul what else is it aha ooh he's sawing his arm off cut me off give it to me

my arm off give it I've blown me nose oh it's a great big snot ah that's the best one yet now if you're listening to this Mock the Week producers, Eli and I are available to come on your show and say something. It's me, nob.

Like that round where it's like the worst thing the politician can say. It's me. It's a tie. Stop you. I've got my bulletproof vest on. Oh, see what he's done there. Stab proof. Oh.

Eli. It's not Eli, only tree. It's a mask tree. Ooh! Oh, yeah. Hat. I'm a mountain with a tree on, actually. Oh, he's subversive.

I'll say that for him. I'm going to twang me meters, twang it all the time. I'm going to stick this ornament down me meter cell. Oh, it's fine. Then me twang the meters whole, twang it good and raw. I've come back. I've come back, I've come back. That's the second item, Paul.

You say 75p. Yes, what do you say? I can safely say we've worn out all the improvised ideas we have with that. I'm going to go quids. Does that mean I've spent,

if there's no more than a fiver, I would say that's what I've spent. You've spent £2.25. £2.25, yeah. £1.50. £2.75, yeah. £2.25. Right, so what have you said?

Okay, what do we call that ornament? I'm going to call it. Just call it X-Mas Tree. It could be so many things, though, I think, as we both demonstrated there, Paul. True. Could be so many things. It's just one small thing.

You know the only limit, Paul? It's your imagination. That's the only limit. The only imagination limit is your own limit. And I think that's a message going forward. Just use your imagination. Just dream. Dream a dream. Dream a dream.

Think up some kind of massive floating knob with a brain attached, and it's made of jelly. Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. And it's flying through the sky, and it tries to fucking, it tries to have sex with hot air balloons, but they're not of its species, so they burn it. What?

Come on. It's imagination, Paul. Can't be wrong. You can't be wrong in the land of imagination. You fucking can. What am I going to say? I said a quid. Right, quid.

Right, final item then. We're having so much fun here. Final item. Is it going to beat the... Within a bag itself. Bag within a bag. I'll let you open it this time. I'm going to scratch the within a bag itself? Bag within a bag. I'll let you open it this time.

You can scratch all that over. I'm giving it a little feel. He likes it doesn't he? Feels like pliers. What,

chakadimus hand? No, fix a car. Oh. Or any else thing. It's actually a shoe I feel now.

It's a shoe? Yeah. It's a shoe shaped but I reckon it's some kind of shoe shaped ornament. A shoe shaped ornament?

Yes it is. It's a glass slipper. Oh like Cinderella. It's a shoe. Yeah, it's a shoe-shaped, but I reckon it's some kind of shoe-shaped ornament. A shoe-shaped ornament? Yes, it is. It's a glass slipper. Oh, like Cinderella. It's a proper glass slipper like Cinderella. Yeah. You could do shots out of that as well. Yeah, or you could fill it with your own... You could put nuts in it.

Yeah, I could put my nuts in it. You could also spank into it. I think you could. Just at the back of the heel and then let it dribble down to the front. You could just literally... You can literally place your knob in it

and get all of it quite effectively spooged in there. Oh, that would have been a wonderful Cinderella. But that's a, what do you think that is

for though? An ashtray? No, I think it's something that literally goes on a mantelpiece. I think it's a piece of tat.

You could put nuts in. You could put anything you liked in it, but it's just like paper clips, nuts, seeds. It's a glass slipper. You could, you know. You could put anything you liked in it. Paperclips, nuts, seeds. It's a glass slipper. It's got a reservoir.

But that is not a bad piece of glass. It's in reasonably good condition as well. I can't see any chips. Can you see any chips? No. It's a bit sharp and unfinished around some of the edges. It's very cheap. But there's nothing on it to say if it's come from anywhere or it's part of anything 275 is what i'd all i've got to be left with but i'm gonna say

two i'm gonna say 250 for 250 i'm gonna say all right we can both say 250 you did it again i was supposed to be able to guess the price first you're not going to be quick enough so you're cheating how am i cheating not even giving me my one out of three times I'm allowed to guess first. Cinderella, you will go to the ball. Here's a glass slipper, right? Here's the logic problem with that, right? You know Cinderella goes to the ball and she leaves a slipper behind and then she runs out and then it hits midnight

and then she changes back into all her rags, right? Why doesn't the other shoe change back into its horrible slipper? Because it's not on her body anymore. But why does that... Shouldn't it all just... Like the carriage she came in, that turned back into a pumpkin. No, because it's not in contact with her. No, they all turned back.

The shoe didn't change. What do you want? Well, then, yeah, the carriage changed back. She wasn't in contact with that at the end. It turned back. This should have turned at the end into a normal slipper. But then how would he find her? I'm not a normal slipper but then how would he find it I'm not touching that

yeah but how would he find it well he wouldn't have it doesn't work it doesn't work as a story it doesn't work as a story for me I have just picked out the flaw with Cinderella that I think

makes it a facile fairy tale and here's the thing what's the thing you don't know do you anymore Cinderella it's basically identity theft What's the thing? You don't know, do you anymore? Cinderella, it was basically identity theft.

She pretended to be someone else to get in. Yeah, but not an actual person. She catfished it. No. She got a little bit of... She's not pretending to be an actual person. She rented some stuff for the night. She's not stealing anyone's identity. Yeah, she was passing herself off.

No, it's magic. She was passing herself off as something she's not. And you know what? I bet it's the magic pumpkin or whatever gives her the godfather mother. The godfather mother. The godmother. Father. The fairy godmother.

Yeah. She's in control. So she goes, no, let's keep this. Oh, I see. Just so the prince, because she's working behind the scenes. Right. She wants her to marry the prince. So she said, all right, so I'll use a little bit of magic just to preserve the slipper.

A special extra bit of magic on the slipper. Yeah. But I would have been the prince and I went, oh, it fits. Right, so that's great. Weirdly, you're the only foot that fits this slipper in the whole of this village.

That's fine. Now, do you have the second slipper? Just so I know it is you. You know, just so I know. And she's like, oh, no, I don't have it. And I go, well, then I'm not marrying you and you're not going to live in my castle.

Well, you'd be a shit prince, wouldn't you? No, I'd be a prince who's trying to protect his investments. His investments? He's got to inherit the castle, isn't he? No, I'd be a prince who's trying to protect his investments. His investments? He's got to inherit the castle, isn't he? And he's going to be king one day.

He can't get any old top dick in the back. That's the whole point of the story. Any old can be like a prince. Yeah, but look, the point is

the story is that if you can fake being rich, another rich person will like you. Yeah. You know? And that's why I don't...

And then they run off all because of a glass slipper. And he put... You know what? What did he do? I'm cutting that bit out.'s why I don't... And then they run off, all because of a glass slipper. And he put... You know what? What did he do? I'm cutting that bit out. Really? I don't know.

It just feels gross. Video can have it, though. If you're going to start cutting shit out, man, fuck it. Long story short, he probably would have went, nah, I can't... You don't have a backup pair of slippers to prove it,

so I'm going to leave you to your devices with your horrible stepmother and your sister. You're ruining the romance of the story. Cinderella. They were meant to prove it. So I'm going to leave you to your devices with your horrible stepmother and your sister. You're ruining the romance of the story. Cinderella. They were meant to be together. Cinderella. No, they weren't. Yes, they were.

No, you weren't. Why were they fated to be together? Because that's what the fairy godmother's doing. It's like Snow White. Prince finds corpse in wood, kisses it, comes to life. It's not a corpse, though, is it? He doesn't know. It's in a coffin.

It's got a sign saying, if the prince gives this a kiss, there's no sign there saying kiss this corpse, though, is it? He doesn't know. It's in a coffin. It's got a sign saying, if the prince gives this a kiss, then it will come to life. There's no sign there saying, kiss this corpse. Yes, there is. It will come to life. He knows.

He's seen the film. What do you mean, seen the film? He knows. He can't have seen the film, his life's based on that. That isn't happening. That is happening at the moment. He saw the rip-off.

The rip-off, non-Disney rip-off of it. Snoo Hoot. Yeah. Right. No. So, a man goes into the woods and kisses a corpse and then marries it. Great. That's a Hoot. Yeah. Right. No. So a man goes into the woods and kisses a corpse and then marries it.

Great. That's a great story. Cinderella. Another guy kisses a sleeping woman because she's up in the arts. Which one's that? That's Sleeping Beauty

where she's up asleep and he goes, I'll kiss her. In Cinderella? No. Doesn't she go into suspended animation in Cinderella?

No, Snow White. Remember she gets poisoned and then he kisses her. She's dead. He kisses her twice when she's dead. He kisses her twice when she's dead. He kisses her once and she loves her.

He loves a bit of dead villager. He loves going around the woods looking for corpses. But Cinderella never goes to sleep, though. No, I mean, not in the story. Rapunzel just got long hair and she's in a big tower. Yeah.

And he climbs up her head and porks her. Bye, love. Right. Are you ready? Don't get me started On Beauty and the Beast We need to see

Who gets the betwings And who wins This edition of The Price is Right Do you want me to I'm doing the answers Because you've got the points Haven't you?

Okay I'll be awarding betwings In a circle On each page Right So what do we start with? Here's Eli's betwings And here is Paul's betwings

Main power adapter Was the first one right? And what an item that was Paul The memories Oh the memories So You said what? What did we say? Petwings. Main power adapter was the first one, right? And what an item that was, Paul. The memories. Oh, the memories. So, you said what? What did we say?

I said £1.25. And I said... £1.50. The answer is £1.25. Eli gets two Petwings. Petwing! Petwing! Petwing! Trust me, yes.

Good start there for Mr. Silverman. And what did... You don't get... You get one for being within 25 pence. I do, so that's all right. So give me my between. Between. No, mate, come on.

All right, between. Thank you. Next, what was it? I'm in the lead. I can't believe it. The ornament. The Christmas tree. What did you say?

One pound. What did I say? 75p. It was 50p. So I get a between for being 25p out. What's up? Between. Fuck.

Glass shoe. What did you say? We both said the same, so we've drawn whatever happens. What did we say there again? We said £2.50. The answer was £3 on nose. So we don't get a twing there. But what was the score?

Two each. Oh, well done. Shake hands. I'm not touching you. I don't want to touch you today. You've ruined it. What do you mean I've ruined it? You've sucked all the energy out of me. I haven't. I'm not touching you. Shake hands. I don't want to touch you today. You've ruined it. What do you mean? I've ruined it?

You've sucked all the energy out of me. I haven't. I haven't sucked anything today. That's the problem. You have to suck a dick a day, do you? I've got to suck a dick a day. I've got to suck a dick a day. Do you have to suck a dick a day?

Suck a dick a day. Keep the doctors away. That's what my uncle told me. And that's what I did. And I was healthy for years. Paul, what about Edward Woodward? What about Edward Woodward? What about Edward Woodward? Edward Woodwood Woodwoodney.

Edward Woodwood Woodwoodney. Edward Woodwood Woodwoodney. What Edward Woodwood? He suck a dick a day. Edward Woodwood Woodwoodney. He suck a dick a day. Edward Woodwood suck a dick a day. Edward Woodwood suck a dick a day.

Edward Woodwood suck a dick a day. Edward Woodwood Woodwoodney. Edward Woodwood Woodwoodney. Oh, Paul, it's the end of cheap show again it is isn't it it's that time of the day when we all go

thank god we got through it together oh so would you like to send us stuff to the show why not we'd love that

anything you like price of shite platter board games but don't go crazy keep a sensible head on you don't spend more than you really have to

just a little mention of noodles Paul because you, they're an important aspect of the show. I've got some new ones. We're going to try some fried chicken flavour noodles. The Blocko Egg. Is it Blocko Egg? Oh, yeah, the Blocko Egg one. Yeah. Blocko Egg one.

Yeah. It's called Egg Block, actually. Block Omelette. Yeah. It's a block omelette block omelette block omelette right um we got that one and also yes um we've been neglectful of trying the new pot noodle spicy not in a pot yeah not in a pot noodles how about we do that next week we'll do that next week yes and there'll be sauces as well good so what is the po box if

people want to send things to us? He could send noodles as well. Yes. People have done and they will continue to. But make sure it's of note. Yeah.

He's done the noodle man. He's sent the noodle. What is the PO box address please? That's all we have to do in this last segment. It's just admin.

The PO box Paul if you don't want to send crap to us. Cheap show. Cheap show. Go on. segment it's just admin the p.o box paul if you don't want to send crap to us cheap show cheap is go on cheap show p.o box 1309 harrow ha19qj that's cheap show p.o box 1309 harrow ha19qj wonderful stuff uh thank you very much and if you want to email us anything or tell us on the shop floor, for example, you can do that. It's thecheapshow at gmail.com. Follow us on

Twitter at thecheapshowpod. I'm at paulgannonshow and Eli is at elisnoid, spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Get your hands on Ashen's and the Polybius House on any downloadable movie service. It seems to be there, starring Stuart Ashen and Eli Silverman.

It's everywhere. And Barry Lewis and Nerdcubedan or whatever his name is. I don't know. Not you. Ash Freif. He's in it. Is he?

There's the stars. Yeah, he's in it, apparently. Not very good, I heard. I didn't say that. They nearly had to cut him out. Do you mean you told me? I never said nothing about Ash. Oh, yeah.

Touch nose. Touch nose. If you're a Patreon, why not not become a patreon it's patreon.com forward slash cheap show and me and eli are about to do a commentary for polybius heist just for patreons so how about that thank you very much if you are already a patron for supporting us through patreon yeah you get extra podcasts uh behind the scenes videos vids or Hot vids, mate. All kinds of magazine fun. Lovely. Sticky Mag. Hot vid and Sticky Mag.

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Oh, I've just found a letter. Oh, no. Where did you find it? It's just left on the side here. By who? Dear Eli and Paul, I see that I am no longer wanted. I didn't want to replace Inchman. I just wanted to be loved.

My albums haven't sold in years. My wife left me. I thought Cheap Show would be my only solace, but I've obviously upset Eli, and so I will leave. With a song in my heart, I'll find my fortune on the streets of old London town. Yours truly, Bill Donut.

Well, that's what happens. It's the cut and thrust of being on Cheap Show, isn't it? We eat him up and chew him up. Chew him up, we spit him out. Che being on Cheap Show isn't it we eat him up and chew him up and spit him out we chew him up and spit him up and that is Cheap Show

for this week take care everyone goodbye you