CheapShow - Ep 206: The Slick of Delish

Episode Date: November 27, 2020

After the shocking fallout of last week's episode, Paul & Eli are currently in negotiations for the return of Larry Inchman to the show. We hope you can forgive our error of judgement. To apologize, the cheap chaps have decided to offer you two overly long editions of "Eli's Country Urban Noodle Test Lab Kitchen" and "Gannon's Golden Games". In one, they'll be testing a "Lost The Pot Noodle" against a "Lucky Me" brand and in the other, they'll be playing a game based on a recent TV show NO ONE remembers! Along the way, we'll discuss the Tarrant/Edmonds rivalry, have a screaming row over the rules of a game and let you figure out just what the hell the title to this episode even means! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-206-the-slick-of-delish If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/

Hello, Inchman Household, how can I help you? Hello, is Larry there please? Larry speaking, Larry Inchman. Hello Larry, it's Paul from Cheap Show Podcast, how are you doing? I'm calling because you weren't returning emails and voice messages uh well um sorry to interrupt you Mr Paul but um I was under the uh impression that inches would not be needed there was no inches needed and uh I don't see why I should communicate on any level with you I've turned my back on that I'm I'm seeing if inches are needed in the local area, perhaps on local radio.

I've sent my... I did my CV. It's just that... A lot of inch work on my CV. There's a lot of inch work. You know, when it says interest, it says given inches as well. Fuck, I have to do this. You've got to cover my CD, don't you? I have to just fucking do this. Larry, the reason why I'm calling...

The reason why I'm calling, Larry, is because even though we, and by we I mean mostly Eli, fired a great chap I don't know why he keeps you around he's the one who fired the man needs inches well, I feel like he was under duress

he was under extreme duress despite that he likes inches despite all of that, we've had a bit of pushback from the listening community of Cheap Show, and they were angry and upset. Oh, you have, have you? Oh, I see.

I don't want to be the one who upsets you. This is you grovelling. We need you to come back on the podcast. You're grovelling, aren't you? We need you to come back. Look, we can offer inches. Ooh. A set level of inches that you are contractually, when appearing on an episode, allowed to provide.

Well, I was about to say that. There has to be inches in the equation. that you are contractually, when appearing on an episode, allowed to provide, yeah. Well, I was about to say that. There has to be inches in the equation. Now, Eli and I have talked. We've said at least, we think 10 is a good number of inches. Is there a possibility of bonus inches sometimes? We can talk about it on an inch-by-inch basis. All right, and I'll just be on standby in case... Yeah, you get your old room back

because, sadly, Bill Donut is currently wandering the streets of London. Just hold on a second. Hold on a second. Janine! I'm not having tea! No! Inches needed! Yeah!

I know it! Yeah! Come calling back! Inches! Right, hello, yes. Yeah, so... I know, I'll get this in writing. Yeah, we'll send you a contract in the post And that will happen

And when does the Inch work start Definitely not this Fucking week Put it that way Alright I'll get a good Night's sleep And thank you to you

You've seen a good You've done a man proud Today Mr Paul Larry Inchman Back on top Inches provided Janine We're going to celebrate

I'll see you Eli We got him back We got him back Yay Welcome to Cheap Show Yay We're gonna celebrate! I'll see you. Eli. We got him back! We got him back! Yay! Welcome to Cheap Show! Yay! I hate you and your fucking noodle posse.

People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap Show Cheap Show It's the price of shite Cheap Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon.

Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. It's Cheap Show time again, everybody. It's cheap show time, hello. Yes, it's funny how you banish that character, Paul, and then he appears first thing next week. That is the power of the cheapskate army. I am willing to recognise that sometimes I make decisions on this podcast

that, in hindsight, are gross and wrong and ill-thought-out. The treatment of... Ill thought out. The treatment of inchmen. And also, I tried to fucking have... I wanted donut as a sex slave, didn't I, basically? Yeah, I know. To be honest, the whole thing you were doing last week... Unsavoury. About how you were going to treat him...

A bit like a pot noodle. Yeah, I don't know how any of that really... Very savoury. Never. Anyway, the point is that... What have you got to say, Paul? What have you got to say to me? Nothing.

I'm just saying that once again the fucking world of Eli has crushed my dreams my soul I'm just broken and all I can do is roll over and have you jack me off

into my belly are you rolling over in flour I'm rolling like to find the wet bit no I'm just you're just going to roll me over are you going to splodge off and then I'll roll you

in some wasabi powder oh hot spot oh hot spot. Hot spot. No. Roll you in the powder. No. Hot spot.

What's a hot spot? It's a spot that's hot. I'm doing Strike It Lucky, wasn't I? What's a hot spot? It's a top spot. It's a top... I don't know how that went, actually, to be fair. Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. It's a crop spot.

We could do a new segment, Paul. Yes. Yeah, when you find something gross spot it's a top i don't know how that went actually to be fair anyway welcome to cheap spot we could do a new segment paul yes yeah when you find something gross and it's only a little segment maybe 20 seconds go here look at this lovely splattery dog poo and that would be the grot spot do you mind can we try and lift the podcast splattery dog splatter corner well ladies and gentlemen on this week's Splatter Corner, Eli found some bird droppings on a gravestone. Oh, look, it's a hawked up phlegm ball on a lav toilet. Oh, lav toilet.

It's a regurgitated chicken curry. We keep coming back to that today, don't we? I know. What are you doing? You've got nothing. I was ask you paul yes uh what is coming up on cheaper show today ladies and gentlemen on cheap show today we have a trip to gannon's golden games where we have a thing that we tried to do a few months ago and uh long story short we didn't and so we're doing that today and uh in the mere moments away we'll be traveling to

eli silverman's country urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen. And Eli, can you maybe give us a little bit of a hint of what we can expect? Well, it's a classic of the scene, reinterpreted for a new format. And we'll see if it fails. I'm going to be as cryptic as that, Paul. That's cryptic. Cryptic like Teen Yeti.

Yeah, you mean cryptic. Yes. Yes, not cryptic. Like Teen Yeti. No, well, how is Teen Yes. Yes, not cryptic. Like Teen Yeti. No, well, how is Teen Yeti? I haven't spoken to him in a while. He's working on new material. He's got a film.

It's some kind of Christmas film that he's doing work for. He's in it. And, yeah. So he's working on a new album soundtrack for the film? Well, no. I think he just said the contract's only one song. So hang on. Just one song?

He's only going to do one song. That's all he's contracted for. But he's trying. He's told me. Because he does like to communicate. Yeah. No, I haven't heard anything from him. Well, you know, you've got to be like.

No, fair enough. You've got to be cool. But he says he's going to try and make it as catchy as possible. Insanely catchy is what he said. Like to a pathological degree. Oh, well, good luck on him. He deserves a break, apparently. Well.

Despite being involved with murder extortion. Well, his new material didn't go down very well. You know, he's premiered. Oh, it did. We got a break, apparently. Well, despite being involved with murder extortion. Well, his new material didn't go down very well, you know. It did. Oh, it did. We got great feedback from it. I thought it was very good. Now, Paul. Yes. Now, Paul. No, you've got nothing still. Great.

Haven't you got housework? Have we got housework to be doing? Yes, let's do that. I was going to do a bit like... Okay, go on. we yeah go on here we go now you say something go on hello welcome to cheap show it's the economy comedy comedy comedy comedy economy comedy pod i can't get out the loop it's the economy comedy podcast thank you we go for the bargain bins the charity shops and whatnot of great britain and bring back the treasure we find amongst the trash. Oh, we do. And again, that's the format. That's the format. And we have some admin. One.

One! Yven has created a magnificent sticker album. Sticker album. With the history of Cheap Show, and you can order it now. You can go to cheapmag.shop. Excellent. And get an order in there. It's great.

It's all got stickers in it. It's got proper, like Panini sticker book. So you can get that. It comes with stickers that you can put in. It's got a full set of stickers. Yeah, that It's got like Panini sticker book. So you can get that. It comes with stickers that you can put in. It's got a full set of stickers. Yeah, that you can put in. I mean, maybe. Maybe she's done swapsies. I actually don't know. Maybe she's been quite clever and done swapsies.

I don't know. I can't vouch for her. Okay. It's an unofficial official Cheap Show magazine. Grab it. It's going to be worth a mint. Little eye. Wink to the wise, Paul. Wink to the wise. Investment. Yeah. to the wise. A wink to the wise. Investment, yeah. I don't know about that.

Not unless one of us becomes notorious or famous. What if I spunk in every issue? Then we might get into trouble with the police. We're not like Kiss where they put their blood into the ink for the magazine. Well, if Kiss had put

their spunk in every magazine, they didn't really put their blood in the ink. They did. They did not. They did. They went, yeah, yeah, what a great, yeah. You didn't really put their blood in the ink. They did. They did not. They did. They went, yeah, yeah,

what a great year. You know, and then they all signed a contract. It'd be better if we put our ejaculate into like, I don't know,

a vinyl pressing. I'm not putting my ejaculate anywhere near it. I might put, it'd be great to see your spunk spin round. I just want to be clear with the whole listening audience.

I don't really do anything with my spunk. I put it in the bin or, you know, down the drain. You put it in the bin? If it's on a sponge. I put it in the bin or, you know, down the drain. What do you mean you put it in the bin? If it's on a tissue, you put it in the bin. Don't you just do it on your belly then wash it off?

Wash it off where? In the bath or shower. Okay. Or with a warm rag. That's what I was going to... What happens to your warm rag? I don't know. That's what I was going to say, Paul.

Either it goes in the bin or it goes down the drain. One of the two. I have a bucket of water. It never goes into books or like food mixtures or anything. It never goes anywhere like that. It doesn't? No. Where's the weirdest place you've come?

Germany, maybe. I haven't been very far. No, fair enough. Well, that's great. What was I going to talk about? Yeah, so that's the admin out the way, I guess. Is it out the way? No, what about?

Oh, yeah, this. So a few weeks ago in our PO box, Eli and I were sent two enamel badges, and we love enamel badges, us. Oh, yeah. This is from someone called Adam. Says, browsing through wish.com and saw these and thought you guys would like them.

The podcast is generally one of the highlights of my week. Keep up the good work. Oh, thank you, Adam. Thank you, Adam. I got a noodle-based pin, Paul. Yeah, and I got a noodle based pin Paul yeah and I've got a planchard ouija board planchard thing

which is very nice I like that thank you we like our enamel badges what is it it's a sort of just a very standard planchette design

yeah could be used as a planchette if you took the pin off no not really it's too small unless you've got mice to use a ouija board oh imagine that

mice using a ouija board. Oh, they're usually bigger than that, aren't they? Oh, imagine that. Mice using a Ouija board. Cheesy board. Cheesy. Yeah. I'll take that. Sorry, everyone. No, don't. Don't you dare apologise for that.

I liked it. Okay. That will be an award winner this time next year. No, but Adam, we do. Mine said, it was a bowl of noodle. Send nudes. But nudes, Paul. But yeah. But don. Send nudes. But nudes, Paul. But yeah.

But don't send nudes. Don't send nudes or noodles. Nudes or noodles. No, noodles, we all know. Yeah, don't send jazz mags from the 70s into the PO box. Was there? No, but. No, I'm not going to show 70s muff.

No, Paul. Obviously, no one do that. But Paul, if they've done it. No one has sent us. Just no one has to know. Put them in. No one has sent us. That's just, no one has to know. No one has sent us. That gets me off. Put them in the garden.

I'm not sending you 1976 edition of Razzle. No. And go, oh, it looks like Sarah Green. Oh, God. And then you come in a tissue and put it in the bin. Whereas I. Waste not, want not. I have a lovely bucket with a rag in next to the bed.

No, you do not have a knob beaker. And you know that episode of um last podcast on the left we talked about the cult the alf alf alf alf that constanza or whatever it was he had a cult and serial killers and they had that pot where they put everything in i don't want to say its name cauldron whatever it is that they put all the body parts in and stuff i've got one of them in my room full of spoff it's a different it's a version of the faith, isn't it? But it's all about spoff. And it keeps me sexually charged.

If I keep filling it up... With spoff. Yeah. How old is it? Well, I mean, this is my eighth bucket in two years. So the average size...

The old spunk at the bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's weird when you put your hand in. It starts to evolve into some kind of weird highly advanced ecosystem. No, no, no.

It's weird. The spunk-ovians. It's like a evolve into some kind of weird highly advanced ecosystem. No, no, no. It's weird. The spunk-ovians. It's like a swamp. And then at the bottom you can feel life but you don't know what kind it is but it wriggles.

It's tickling your fingers at the bottom of the spunk. Fuck it. The gravity well of spunk. This fucking podcast. Right. Right in the deep, dense, darkest

spunk pressure chamber. So yeah, if you would like to send us stuff to the PO Box. I'm out. Paul, I'm checking out. This isn't even a fake walkout. It's me actually just checking out. I know.

There's no need for all that spoff talk. I do apologise. I've got nothing to say. What have I got to say? Have you got anything to talk about the movie? Last week we had the movie out, didn't we? Yeah, it's gone very well. We already talked about that, didn't we?

Yeah. Well, you know, the reaction's been good. I've been reading all the reviews. We were... Not many mention you. In fact, I don't think any mention you at all. Because I was cut. They love Jared Christmas, though.

Standout performance, I read. Oh, don't you love this? You like to cultivate the dark... I'm a bitter, nasty man. We should know this by now. I have resentments. I never let things go.

And if you cross me, I kill you. Yeah, well, who crossed you? No one. Just them by casting me in a bigger role than I was originally going to get. Well, I'll never let you live it down. You broke me up. Okay, I'm sorry. No, that's not true. So, what was I talking about? Yeah, your movie. I didn't know. I didn't really want to talk about that.

It's good, though. I enjoyed it. I think it's good. It's got 100% fresh as of this recording on Rotten Tomatoes. That's good, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, these are all good things. Good. Welcome to Cheap Show. You've got a lot of character.

What is it? Welcome? Look, we said thanks for those. What else are we going to say? Is that anything else? Oh, mate. No, a PO box address will be at the end of the show if you'd like to send us anything. Wonderful stuff.

So I'm going gonna go next door because eli is uh in the kitchen i believe oh do you want to wait here while i go next door and talk to eli about the noodle kitchen that doesn't work because how can i be two places at once i don't know but you're literally there next door now i was gonna take my uh magic carpet but i can't it's unavailable it's in the wash you gotta go down so i'm gonna have to go down that secret passage that goes around the back way so i'm So you stay here and just chill and I'm just going to go next door and speak to Eli

who's in the country urban noodle kitchen right now and see what goes on. Okay. Because I'm looking forward to it this week. Good. Yeah. Bye.

I'm going to go off. I'm going to get my coat on and I'm going to go through the passage and check out the noodle kitchen. All right. Bye. See you in a bit. So here we are uh we're on our way to the country urban noodle test lab kitchen i'm uh just transversing the uh back alleys of the kitchen to try and find an alternate route

because uh i can't fly in my uh magic carpet is in the cleaners so I'm having to take a very secret back passage, sorry it's very tight and there's a back door here so hopefully hopefully inside Eli will be ready to show us what he's got ready for us in the kitchen this week, here we go. Come on. Who's that? Mr. Silverman, it is I, Paul Gannon. No, no, no, we're not ready for visitors. But it is time for the...

No, no, no, you have to talk to the lady about that. What lady? Fucking hell, already. The country elven... The country elven... What? The country urban noodle test lab kitchen representative. You don't just come barging in here.

There's important work being done in here. Important experiments. I was about to dissect a noodle with these scissors. Right. If you're here, I suppose I should show you... Thank you. ...what I've been working on. Good.

What have you been working on this week, Mr Silverman? Hello. Welcome to the urban test lab noodle kitchen with Eli Silverman? Hello. Welcome to the Urban Test Lab Noodle Kitchen with Eli Silverman. Hello. Hello, Paul. Yes. You've caught me on the fly because I wanted, Paul, to have the egg block ramen. Yes.

The egg block ramen has done a little jizzy. No. It's done a... Drop the mic now, you prick. The egg block... I've got to reset. Right, now we you prick! The egg block... I've got to reset. Right, now we can go. The egg block...

The egg block ramen was ready to go, all up, prepped in the house of pickles, ready to shoot down the chute into the Country Urban Test Lab kitchen. Come on! And I've misplaced it, okay? How can you misplace an egg block noodle? It's not that big a block.

It just looks like an ordinary noodle. I've looked throughaced it, okay? How can you misplace an egg block noodle? Well, it's not that big a block. It just looks like an ordinary noodle. I've looked through my noodle bags. I've had a big emergency scrummage through the noodle bags. All three of them, Paul. All three of them. So what have you got for us then this week? Now, special. Is it?

Because this is something we've want to be testing in the test lab kitchen for a long time now it's pot noodle and their attempt at a flat format pack of noodles they obviously saw the market paul they saw what's all this noodle talk with all these nissan noodles samyang noodles you know the ramen noodles there's all this noodle speak we don't have an item on the market. But now we do. Lost the pot noodles. So they're going with a jokey tone already. Like lost the plot. Yeah.

But it's lost the pot. Now, Paul, what are your expectations of this vis-a-vis the number of packs or, you know, the general flavour? If this is any better than a bog standard super noodle package, you know, what is it? Who makes super noodles? Coleman's. Yeah, if it's one of those kind of deals, it'll be... Are they called chairmans? What are they called?

Coleman's? They're not Coleman's, are they? I thought you were an expert on noodles. Bachelor's. Bachelor's super noodles. Thank you. Right. Cut to the comments.

Actually, Bachelor's haven't existed for 20, and now they're owned by Golden Wonder. I think what we did find out last time, Bachelors is actually like, yeah, Unilever or something. It's a ghost sign. Yeah. It's a ghost brand that used to be behind Super Noodles, which were awful. So you don't think this would be better than a Super Noodle?

No. Now, this is sweet chilli. How many packs? One. Now, you think one, but I think, think of the model. Think of what's gone before. Pot noodles had the gimmick sachet, didn't they? Like, you got soy sauce for the chicken and mushroom,

but then you got ketchup for the... Beef and tomato. Yeah, and then you got, like, different things. Do you see what I mean? Then they'd use that as a sort of little gimmick, little thing that is to do with the original food. But my point is that pot noodle is, first and foremost, cheap and easy, right?

So they're going to go cheap and easy with this. So it'll be one block of noodles and one sachet of something. That'll be it. Just the soup base. Probably a sauce. Just the soup base. No, it's got to have the soup base

because it's meant to be... Anyway, I don't know. Is it a wet noodle or a dry? I don't know. We haven't looked yet. Why don't you do that? Can we talk about the other noodle first? Let's do that.

Let's do that. There's lots of mysteries with this pot noodle. Lost the pot. Look. What's that? The new is in some kind of casserole dish. You don't make noodles in a casserole dish. You make a casserole casserole in a casserole dish.

You don't do this. Yes, exactly. Now, pancit canton. Does it? Yes. Then I better pull them back up. Hello. No.

No. No. What's this? No. Lucky me. They're, I think, Filipino or Indonesian brand. I don't know. But they're lucky me.

They're big news in the news of worldles. They're big nudes in the noodle worldles. What was that? Not big news, but they're Big Noods in the Noods of Worldles. They're Big Noods in the Noodle Worldles. What was that? Not Big Noods, but they're just a big brand. Big, big brand. Where are they from? Taiwan, China? I believe that it is the Philippines or...

God, it's so small. The writing's so small. Here we go. Philippines, yeah. Philippines. It's a Philippines Lucky Me. They're Big Noodle market, the Filipinos. They love...

And we had that... I think that all-purpose sauce that you so enjoyed was from there as well. But they're great noodles. These are stir-fried and they've got an oil pack. They're good on the pack count, these. They've got an oil pack and a sort of soy sauce pack as well as the soup base. Right. They're three packers and they're delicious noodles.

I go for two at once and i i like their they've got mansi flavored right what's that calamansi it's like a shrimp a lemon type fruit that they use do you see and it's got that citrus so that's what sort of stands out for these pancit cantons for me right yeah and i like the ones because they do mansi flavour or chilli flavour, but then they have a chilli mansi flavour, right? And that's the one you want to go for. Bit of this, bit of that, best of both worlds. What does Pancit Canton mean?

I think Pancit is the noodle. I don't know what Canton means. Oh, there you go. Canton Pancit Hoodle. But anyway, this is a special edition one, which I haven't seen. I usually get the chilli mansisi which are a dime a dozen this is extra hot chili flavour so you and me

we judged that we had to eat a noodle to stop a dragon killing us once I remember that he does remember that and that we couldn't could we we couldn't

so I'd like to see how that compares and that's going to have at least three packs including the essential oil pack Paul the oil pack the slick of delish

I call it the little slick of delish whip it off squirt it on slick of delish that's horrible just for the record it's the slick of delish everybody

so will you be helping me prepare these I will let's have a look one add noodles to a big pot of boiling water, 250ml. Stare in sachet contents. Reduce heat slightly, simeth for three minutes until water absorbed.

Stare occasionally. It's like a super noodle. Mate. You want it to get all gloopy, don't you? They're saying absorb the... Here's the giveaway about the quality of this. Microwave instructions. Now, we've never done microwave noodles and we never will.

We never fucking will. We'll do that. We never fucking, and we never will. We never fucking will. We'll do that. We never fucking... I will never microwave a noodle. Not once. I will. I don't give a care. But you wouldn't buy a brand that's specifically made

to be like, oh, you can microwave this as well. That's a sign of a good noodle, isn't it? It's not the sign of a good noodle. This looks terrible. Well, let's find out. Okay, now, for this, this, we just seep the noodle. Look, it's got very nice instructions.

There you go. You put the noodle in the hot water. There's a picture of a plate, and that's where you put all of the sachet content. Note that there's at least two sachets in the fucking diagram itself. This is quality. This is bullshit, one sachet bullshit, this pot noodle. Without the pot, without an idea, without a clue. Spice up your life in five minutes, it says. Yeah, fuck, I will spunk into your noodle.

I would. That would spice it up probably more than it is. Make it kind of, really kind of, I don't know, fishy. I don't know if I've been eating fish, which I haven't been. Well, then it would taste like glue. I've not been eating glue either. Well, it just tastes like spunk. As we all know, spunk tastes of whatever the fragrant fruits you've been eating the week before.

Like a pineapple. I've been pounding pineapples, bro. For what purpose? To have my spunk taste nice. Who's going to benefit from that? No one is. No one benefits. No one benefits from Eli's pineapple gum um drain it put it on the plate mix it up right so that one takes a little bit longer

right okay I'm gonna get camera two on the go look at this I'm filming this this is exciting isn't it I've got an extra cut I look like absolute shit on camera Look at this. I'm filming this. This is exciting, isn't it? I've got an extra camera. I look like absolute shit on camera. Right, here we go. I'm recording on camera two. How much did it say? 25, 250 mil. Okay, that'd be fine.

Yeah. Easy. So let's get that going. We're not going to pick these because we want to have a clear sort of scientific tasting. And for COVID, I'll be preparing them.

I'll wash my hands, I'll prepare them, and then I'll split a little bit of the noodle onto a plate for yourself. Okay, Paul? Thank you very much. For you to taste, yeah? Wonderful. Okay, that's great. Let's have a little look at these noodles, yeah?

Let's have a little look. I think they're going to put some fucking terrible copy on the pot noodle, on the sachet itself. Or are they too cheap? Oh, look at that. That's a horrible... That looks like a bag of sherbet. Yeah, that does not look good.

It does not look good. There is print. I mean, at least the noodles look reasonable. But look at the majesty, if we compare again with the Pantic Canton, of their sachet offering in here. There's one. There's two in one.

See the oil? Oh, the oil. And it comes... Oh, it oh it's nice and you know what it does with the mechanics of a stir fry style noodle they're the boss because what i do little tip to the wise here you mix the soup base one with the oil on the plate get the noodle on top and then it's a bit dry and it's a bit you know it's a bit not mixing well. You use the soy as the moisture of the soy sauce. So just give that finishing super slick, mix it up, jobs are good and so.

Right, so we're going for the water. You need to get your pots out, don't you? Yes, I need you to grab me the wok please and the measuring jug. Wok, one, measuring jug, two. Hold on, yeah? And what did it say, 250? Wok. One. Measuring jug. Two. Hang on. Yeah? What did it say?

250? 250 hot water pot noodle. 50 millilitres, yeah? Pour that in. And just keep... You don't want it to stick because it's not going to be a lot of... Right, he's checked out.

Good. This is great stuff. Great content. Yeah, so I put the sunglasses back on. Yeah, put the sunglasses back on. They're over here. No. How about I put them down here and you make a little man out of it? And you could tell everybody.

He's wearing big glasses in case we haven't made that clear. Right. He's setting fire to the pan. What's he doing? Let's cook. He's cooking. What are you cooking? Let's cook the pot noodle. So we've got 250 here. I'm just going to do a bit bit over 250 to be honest, Paul, because that's quite, the wok's quite an open surface area,

so it dissolves quite quickly. But that is what you want, because this is essentially the pot noodle without a pot is essentially just a sort of super noodle style, soak it all in, you get a slimy mud pie at the end. Do you know what I mean? I know, mud pie. Do you know the ones I'm talking about though? We had before that kind of noodle it's the worst kind I like over a

soup noodle or a stir-fried so one not a sort of soak it in one do you know the meanest yeah right so here's a bit over my in it in in the pan it's good in it We're going to do the full break. Oh. Break the little ones. I'm quartering, essentially, the noodle palette. And it's in, it's going. What did it say about... Just put it in. He's putting the broken soup... Lost the pot noodle.

That's what it says. But you've got to remember, it's a wide bottom, so that's why it doesn't cover it. That's why it needs attention. Forking to. Right, what does it say? Let it absorb. What does it say please?

It says, one, boil water, add the noodles to it, stir in the sachet contents, reduce heat slightly, simmer for three minutes. We need to be putting the sachet in then. Right. Because we want to do it in the pirate book, don't we? That's what's going in. That is this little sweet chilli powdery thing is going in. So do you want to do it in the final book, don't we? We want to do... That's what's going in. That is this little sweet chilli powdery thing is going in. So do you want to do it? I'm recording, mate.

I've got to keep my hand recording. He's getting some scissors. He's snipping it off and the powder goes in. Can I have a hoof? The hoof does not smell good. Oh, no, it doesn't. It doesn't smell sweet, does it? No, it smells awful. We'll know soon enough.

We'll know soon enough. There you go. That's in there. They're softening up, We'll know soon enough. There you go. That's in there. They're softening up, but we want all the water basically to go. So could you please, because I need to be getting on with the other noodle, Paul. What am I going to do? Just keep those noodles going. Right.

Keep them going. All right, I'll do it. I'm going to keep them going. Mix the powder in a bit better. I'll do it. Yeah? Yeah. All right, here we go.

Right, I'm mixing. I'm keeping the noodles going. I need to use these lovely sachets. Talk into this, Mike. This is the important one. Right, I need to use these lovely, lovely sachets here. And here we go. I think I have to reduce the heat on this. This is a bit old, this one, that noodle, because the...

I've got to reduce it. Hardened. And you can see there, it's not going to be an issue once you get the hot water on it, but it's a sign of age. The anti-caking hasn't right sort of worked there look at that orange gunk that is the sweet slick of delish my friend and it's going straight i like to make a little hole rather similar to a little huff corner hole oh yeah and it's it's the slick squirt and it i can squirt it all in there. He's giving it a good old squirt. Look, it looks like a spoff of a man who's unwell as well, doesn't it? If his penis is coming like zit cream or whatever.

Yeah. Ooh. Now you get it hot with your fingers and you give it a good squeegeeing out, as I like to call it, Paul. A good squeegeeing out there. And then we save that for moisture purposes, the soy pack. Right. If you see what I mean. That was the technique I was talking about earlier.

Oh, but we need to make these noodles. Oh, we'll just do it afterwards. Let's just go for the pot. Yeah, that's the mix of the... Is it a three-pack, did you say? Lucky me, pants at canter. This is the... Yeah, this is the...

It is a three-pack. We've used both the powder soup base and the oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've got the... Soya sauce. Ready to make it. But let's just... It looks like the pot noodle's almost there.

It's absorbed it all. It needs another minute and a half, maybe. You think? I had to reduce the heat because it was boiling off too quick. Okay. So you're simmering it, yeah. Yeah. But it's meant to absorb it all, isn't it?

Yeah, eventually. It doesn't look that bad, does it? It doesn't. Yeah, but I don't know. The hoof does nothing for me. You know what I mean? It smells like pot noodles. It's a certain sort of acrid, almost.

It looks like someone just poured out a pot noodle into a pan. That's the truth. It looks like the kind of thing you see next to a pub at two in the morning. You know, just round the back by the pipe. And sweet corn. Sometimes people vomit, but it's just this sort of pink sludge. Have you ever seen that? What is that all about?

I honestly think that's booze. I reckon someone's drank too many, you know, like, I don't know, red alcoholic cocktail. It's just a uniform pink sludge. Like, they had a bowl of oatmeal that morning and then did 20 Negronis or something. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's this sort of pink sludge. I keep saying that. No, no, pink sludge. Pink sludge. Great stuff. Great material. That is absorbed. Yes. That is now an absorbed pot noodle. So grab yourself a clean fork.

Right. I'm going to get a clean fork from over here. Here we go. Check. He is portioning me a portion. Be careful you don't burn your mouth. They've got a sort of slickness, which is what the... Yeah. Hang on, let me just...

The super noodle. Very much a super noodle style noodle in its sort of slimy, splodgy sort of appearance, isn't it? It's not exactly alluring to the eye, but you know what? It's meant to be, isn't it? The cheap alternative, even though you can get a decent one quite cheap anyway.

What are these, 70p or something? I don't know how much these were. Compared to what you can get. Those are, like, they can be 30p, those Pancit Cantons. Oh, yeah. 30, 40p, yeah. Right, we're going to do a test. Here we go.

No. No. There's just nothing there with the flavour, is there? Oh, I don't like the aftertaste. What are your thoughts? My thoughts are it tastes like horrible pot... Well, no, I quite like pot noodle, but I don't like the texture. And I don't like the flavour.

They don't mix. There's a weird kind of... Almost like carrot flavour to the sauce with a chilli aftertaste. But it kind of leaves a little bit kind of sweet and horrible. For me, the flavour just isn't enough of anything. No. It's not sweet enough. It doesn't taste like sweet chilli.

The thing is at the back end of the heat. Yeah, just not much going on flavour. There is a bit of heat. But that's all you're getting from it. You get sweet and then a slightly sweet aftertaste with the heat. That's it. It's very much a sort of aftertaste. There's no upfront real flavour here, is there?

No. They're very mediocre. We can buy a three on that, can't we? That's a very, very mediocre instant noodle here, is there? No. They're very mediocre. Very. That's a very, very mediocre instant noodle. Well, there you go. It's quite slimy. The texture's slimy as well. Yeah.

That's exactly what I thought it was going to be like, bar a few flavour notes. All right, I'm going to need a mark from you now, Paul. Well, what do we usually do? Five or is it ten? Out of five. Out of five, I'm going to give that one. 1.5. Yeah. 1.5. Yeah, 1.5. If you're hungry,

I wouldn't mind. You know, pimp it up. Think of the pimping dimension. You could put a few bits of veg in there, I guess, and make it...

It's not something... It's not such a nasty flavour that it would sort of overwhelm a makeshift meal that you might try and put together. Do you know what I mean? No.

If you had nothing else in the cupboard and you had a carrot and some broccoli and you threw it in, it wouldn't be great. Spring onion. Spring onion.

That's the first thing you go to. If I've taught you one thing in all your visits to the Test Lab kitchen, Paul, and you weren't even meant to come today, you interrupted me when I was doing some very important work by myself. Masturbating. Shall we go straight in the bin?

Bin, bin, bin, bin, bin, bin. It's in the bin. And I'm just going to prepare the wok to cook hopefully what's going to be a more impressive... In the bin. Second item on the itinerary in the Tesla App Kitchen today, Paul.

I'm excited. I'm excited. And I'm not. I'm excited. And I'm not really excited. Right. Are we using the pan again? I think we're going to be using the pan again. How much battery? We're going to use the pan again, yeah.

I'm just giving it a quick wash. We don't want any flavour contaminating from the first noodle. He doesn't want any flour. You looked at yourselves, thought, I look like shit. Yeah. Now you've lost the will to live, haven't you, Paul? Cheer up, mate. You look all right, yeah?

Come on, everybody. Come on. This is the highlight of my fucking week, all right? So please. Let's show a little bit of appreciation for the noodle man, yeah? Who can take a noodle? Spice it up with glee. Add a spring onion and something special to the noodle man can.

Walk's ready to go, people. Walk's ready to go for the second of our noodles today, which is the pato canton. Pato Banton. Lucky me. It's not patato Banton. And we don't want anyone... Compliments girl on my kiss. That's not Pato Banton.

It is. That's Red Dragon. Well, he did a... In the 90s, they teamed up together to record that. And never retired. Red Dragon featuring Pato Banton. Yeah. That's good tune, actually, isn't it?

Yeah. What's wrong with Pato Banton, anyway? He's a huge homophobe. Oh, he's a huge homophobe. Oh, he's a huge homophobe. Ah, fuck him then. I did warn you not to bring Banton into this. Well, there you go. I didn't know that and now I know. I shan't be singing his songs again.

Right. I'm looking at the wrong noodle pot. Yeah, get rid of the pot noodle. That's done. All a tizzy. We don't need any of this shit. We need a measurement for this how much water. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. We're draining all of the water off. We need a measurement for this, how much water. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

We're draining all of the water off. Yes. Do you know what I mean? And that whole thing with, just that whole concept. They've gone for the wrong, they've backed the wrong horse. Yeah, in terms of the format. They've put no effort in. They've just repackaged what they already sell.

Right, another boiling pan. It's not as big, though. They don't even have the gimmick pack, the extra gimmick pack. You know what I mean? As I mentioned. There is no gimmick here. Right, he's adding in the crumbled up Pato Banton noodles. Lucky me. Pancit Canton.

Lucky me noodles. Don't be insulting people. This is an important noodle for a lot of people. Is it? Yeah. They do other types, like your normal ones. But I like these Pancit Canton ones, which I think refers to the fact that it's a sort of stir-fried style noodle where you drain the water and then mix it with the pack the dry packs so how long is this

just just spoils in there now for three minutes yeah about three minutes yeah we're gonna be draining all of the water but not all of the water as you know paul because you need a little bit of moisture keep it slick keep it lovely yeah keep it that's what I always say Keep it slick, keep it lovely Keep it slick, keep it lovely That's what I always say No you don't always say that Because no one gives you the chance to say that That's what I always say

Keep it slick, keep it lovely That's what I always say Keep it slick, keep it lovely That's what I always say I've strained my haunch I don't care about your haunch. I've strained me haunch. I don't care about your haunch. Right, we're almost there now.

Are we almost there? How many minutes? Oh, I'm salivating. They look a lot better in quality just to the eye. They do, don't they? They're better noodles. Look at that. Yeah.

Strands, all the strands. Nice strands. That looks like it's done, doesn't it? Yeah, and they don't look gelatinous like that fucking other one. Well, that's it, because we're not soaking soaking the water in so they keep some of their texture. How you gonna drain it? Oh no. How about that big lid? No, I've got a drainer. Well then where is it?

I've got a strainer. Well this spherical strainer. No that's for tea. We're gonna have to pick up small bits at a time with these Paul. And drain them. Ha ha ha ha! And drain them like that. No, just what about the colander? Where's my strainer?

Is that it? There we go. We found his strainer. Oh, here we go. You strained it out. I strained it out. But you don't want to get it too dry. You want to have a bit of that moisture to make the sauces mix, right?

Here we go. Something like that. Let's get the saucy mix in. Open that bin up again. I want to to pull the noodle in bag of shite Lodge and that's not a good sign for noodle you never need that do you you don't want to blood seal up? Oh Christ just give me a clean bowl Christ Almighty You mix it you mix right he's now poured the oil and the that, the oil and the thing, it's all going nicely. He's poured the noodles into the bowl with the prepared sauces.

Ooh, now. And there couldn't be more of a contrast with the huff there either, Paul. Smell that huff. I'm going to smell the huff now, hang on. Oh, it's much more like... Tangy. Tangy. Glidely.

Garlicky. I feel like I'm filming Get Stuffed. It's horrible. Yeah, that'sely. Garlicy. I feel like I'm filming Get Stuffed. It's horrible. You are. That's what I live for. I live for being the modern Get Stuffed. Get Stuffed. Da-da-da-da-da-da.

Get Stuffed. He's adding in the soy sauce now. I like soy sauce. Do you like soy sauce? Yeah. So if you didn't like soy sauce, you could always leave it out. And that is the magic on top of this. Oh, look at the magic.

Soy actually adds a little sweetness. Did you know that, Paul? Yeah. It's got a sweet note to it. It's salty and sweet, though, isn't it? Yeah. It's not just a replacement for salt. It's a totally different thing.

Right, that is ready to go. Look at the fucking sheen on that. Look at that. It's proper sheen. Not Charlie sheen. Give it a rinse. Yeah, give it a rinse. Oh, God, don't use your hands to rinse it then.

It's fucking soap, mate. It's not. God, don't use your fucking stupid, dirty, fat, clumsy, bulbous elephant trunky fingers to clean my... Elephant trunky. To clean the bowl. Do you know when they feel like elephant trunkies? Yeah, and now you're going to... And they're in your butthole. No, well, that's now you're gonna wrap... And they're in your butt hole.

No, well that's fun isn't it? Big sausage fingers in your bum bum. Well you started it. I didn't start that. This is the worst noodle kitchen ever. Maybe. Hopefully this is a better noodle, Paul. Hopefully this is a better noodle, Mr Silverman.

Can I just take a fork and you've got a fork still? I've got a fork still here, yeah, grab it, I've got it. Here we go, I've got it. These are great, very easily pimperable. So there's your little portion there. And there's Elias. I want you to be honest, if you don't like these either, just tell me. I'm gonna taste them now, bear with me.

That's alright. It's not exactly the flavour I like, but... The texture's much better than that. The texture's better, the flavour's better, the heat's better, it's more immediate and satisfying. It's gonna be extra extra hot. It's more umami. I just think that's very good. It's going to be extra, extra hot. It's more umami. I just think that's very good. It's nice.

The one criticism I might have is they're not extra, extra hot. They're not hurting my mouth that bad. Nothing like the chicken ramen ones. The Samyang. This is a nice seat. I don't mind this because even when you stopped eating,

the heat's still there and it's a nice kind of, ooh, nice. It's spicy, but it's a very... Bright. It strokes your tongue like a willow. You know what I mean? Like a feathered willow stick. Like a cat willow. It strokes your tongue like a willow. You know what I mean? Like a feathered willow stick.

Like a cat willow. Like a stick covered in cat willows. Chilli cat willows. Like a tree made of tongues. Yeah. Chilli tongues. A big tree with tongues hanging off. That lick of their own accord when you get close to them.

And you can push your bits against the tongue tree. And they lap at it. Is that done now? Are we done for this segment? I need a score for all of these. 3.5 is my score for those. Push your bits against the tongue tree. And they lap at it. Is that done now? Are we done for this segment? I need a score for all of these. 3.5 is my score for those. All right.

I'm going to go 4. 4.2. 4.2. 4.2 is a comfortable score for the noodle. You know, sometimes it's like Netflix, Paul, selecting a noodle. Yeah, so many. You just think, oh, do I really want to go for hot and sour, pickled cabbage, this? I just want something normal.

I just want a base for the pimpings to fall on, yeah? Yeah, yeah. I can't be bothered to experiment, you know, and take a chance. Just a standard fucking noodle. That's what they're about at Lucky Me. And also... Well, lucky us for trying these on the show today.

Very good noodle, that. And pot without the pot noodles? I don't need it. Considering that this kind of noodle that we've just tried is at least cheaper than, if not the same price as a pot noodle, why would you even bother? Because the flavour's just much more satisfying. Get away with it because people,

the foreignness of this puts people off. So they go, oh, pot noodle, I know that. I'm going to get that. And yet, strangely, you're getting a far inferior noodle snack. People are very sort of snobby, aren't they, about food? Very snobby. Food is a very personal, and it's linked to how much of a fascist you are and stuff. Good, that's a wonderful note to end on.

All right, wonderful. Well, there you go. Two noodles today of varying qualities. I'm eating the rest of that noodle. I'm starting to break a sweat. It is got... I love this. It's a delicious noodle.

Wonderful. Well, that goes into the hallowed halls of Eli's Country Urban Noodle Kitchen Test Lab fame. And I think this has been a nice kind of balance between two types of cheap noodle. One that is cheap and one that is just cheap, but actually good quality. Yes.

Exactly. With some expertise and obviously a long-running experience pays off. What have Pot Noodle had experience of? Making shit pot noodles. And they go, oh, we'll do it. We can do it. There's the arrogance of that product. It's because they treat pot noodles like they treat a stew.

It's like the same logic that goes into making a family stew is kind of the logic with the pot noodles. Like, here's a pot, it's stew, it's got noodles in, slurp it down, you filthy fucking cunt. And they didn't understand

the basic, they went for the worst possible kind of instant noodle. And the worst flavour. The westernised versions of the dish. Do you see what I mean? You know what it is?

This is the, what was that curry that was invented in Scotland that everyone thinks is chicken Malagatani Malagatani soup soup

I'm talking about the kind of curry it's a chicken curry there's a chicken what is it chicken tikka masala yeah tikka masala which is like

not an Indian meal it's Anglo it's like potnoo is like the kind of chicken tikka masala of noodles yeah

totally and just sort of just not a good product, is it? No. I've got one more of those to taste, which I might do on the next visit. But next time you talk to my lady. Yeah. Before you come in here.

And now I've got some really important experiments to do with sauces. Well, then I should leave. I should leave. Come on, take this stuff. No one can see this. Right, in that case, ladies and gentlemen, let's go. Right, I'm going to go now. Sorry for interrupting you, but thank you for

sparing some time with us today on the podcast. Bye! Well, here I go, back into Eli's tight back passage to leave the Urban Country Noodle Kitchen, and I'm just going to leave now. And yeah, that was a lot of fun, wasn't it? Oh, I can't wait to go again next time on

Eli's Country Urban Noodle Meth Lab Kitchen Toilet Duck. Bye. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for His Majesty Eli J. Silverman to give us the introductory theme to the segment we've called Gannon's Golden Games. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman. It called Gannon's Golden Games. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman.

It's Gannon's Golden Games. It's Gannon's Golden Games. Here or there. It's Gannon's Golden Games. Here or there. Sorry, I only needed another take of that. Alright, okay, so that's good. Start again from the top and we're rolling. It's Gannon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games.

It's Ganon's Golden Games. Here I am. There you are. It's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games. Here I am. There you are.

Here I am. There you are. Here I am. There you are. It's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganonond's Gone. So guys, it's Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone.

Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Gannond's Gone. Guys. Stop it now. I've let you have your fun.

Now stop it. So this week on Gannond's Gone Games, we are playing a game based on a TV show that, to be honest, I have never heard of. I also have not heard of said show, Paul. What is it? So as we all know, Noel Edmonds had another quiz show. No, but Neil Edmonds?

No, Noel Edmonds had a successful Channel 4 show called Are You Smarter Than a Ten-Year-Old, right? I do recall, but he wasn't the only presenter of that. There was a younger version. Didn't Tarrant do it? No, it was Dick and Dom, I think, did a version of it. Oh, I see. The comedy double act kids thing. So I was right in thinking there were two different versions on British television. Yes, there was. There was also an American version of it as well.

He sold it. But I don't know who... No, it was probably him and his mates. I know. His dark coven of mates who'd come up with those super killer shows. I've got an idea did he have any hand in who wants to be a millionaire no because that's Celador and that's Tarrant

and Jasper Carrot no Tarrant and Edmonds I bet they've butted heads you know what I get the impression that they walk across a room and they just catch eyes wow wow wow and like his hands twitching next to his cell phone and then they go bye so yeah i've just bought tv i've just bought radio yeah and then edmunds goes into the loo by himself

smash his face and then he goes all right so what he has been he wants to be a millionaire. I've got fucking formats. I've got fucking formats. I'll format that. Format my spunk. I've got a format where every week some fucking pleb from the common people come onto my show

and I fire them out of a fucking cannon into a brick wall and I call it Smashing Folk. Good, I'd buy that. I'd buy that. Noel Edmonds, Smashing Folk. Good, I'd buy that. I'd buy that. Noel Edmonds, Smashing Folk,

where every week he finds a way to drop a human being to their death. I'd like to see that. Yeah, off a big trampoline. Yeah. But there's like a target.

Now, look. So where you hit the target depends on what type of injury you sustain and how much you score. Now, look, we're going to drop your husband, Nigel, off a block of flats.

Now, before we go any further, bonus points. How many times do you think he's going to bounce off the concrete? Who's presenting this show? I don't know, Mike. I can't do Noel Edmonds' voice. You certainly can't. That's a strange version of Noel Edmonds.

I know. If I ever heard one. Well, all right, just the point is that... What's this fucking game, then? All right, so this game, anyway, is the BBC, I don't know, version of it called The Kids Are Alright, which I believe is a reference to a song. The who?

The who. Because the kids are alright. Yes. And this was hosted by John Barrowman. It's one of their slogan of the younger generation sort of songs. Yes. You know what I mean? The kids are alright.

Yeah. They had a knack for that sort of, you know, my generation. People try to put us down. Here comes the new boss, same as the old boss. Yeah. You know, they're a slogan group in a lot of ways, weren't they? Yeah. Before slogan group.

You were never a Who fan of any sort. Fuck the Who. Okay. Fuck the Who. Yeah, I've got nothing. I've got nothing. So this was the BBC knockoff called The Kids Are Alright, hosted by John Barrowman.

The knockoff of what? Of Noel Edmonds. Are you smarter than a 10-year-old? The format's basically the same. Adults are pitted against children or certainly children-level general knowledge based on their age. As well as children.

I can't remember. I think there were kids in it like in the Channel 4 show. But this obviously... But in America it's called Are You Smarter Than a Fourth Grader or whatever because they've got that weird system. But that's got nothing to do with this BBC thing.

I just thought I'd mention it for extra nuance. This is just kids versus adults and general knowledge kind of show. Okay. smarter than a fourth grader or whatever because they've got that weird system. But that's got nothing to do with this BBC thing. I just thought I'd mention it for extra nuance. This is just kids versus adults in general knowledge kind of show. Okay. So what does it work off? The kind of cringy humour

of a child beating an adult? Maybe. Is that what it works off? This is the thing. I have never seen the show. Perhaps we'll, during this session of Gannons Garden,

James and Paul, we'll get a little insight to how the TV show actually worked because we're both clueless, aren't we? Yes. And I think this is a,

it's a new for A Gannis Golden Games for this to be the case. Yeah. Neither of us have seen this show. No. Have you read the rules? What do you think? It looks like,

you don't know. You get a chance. Mate, you literally gave me no fucking time to even reply before you shat in my mouth. He's the scat man. Nuggets.

From looking at the rules, it looks like basically it's you versus general knowledge based on the age ranges of the kids who should know that kind of knowledge. So there's like, there's seven categories. Age 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. In some rounds. We did a version of this on the show. That's what I'm saying. We played the board game, didn't we? Are you smarter than a 10 year old

I remember now and we were both surprised by how easy that game was it was too easy surprisingly easy I thought some of us would be stumped but it was like no

no our level of general knowledge too superior so there are five rounds and each round kind of is either determined by the age range of whoever you

randomly land on so let's just say you randomly land on 14 then that means you either have a certain amount of time or a certain number of questions you randomly land on so let's just say you randomly land on 14 then that means you either have a certain amount of time or a certain number of questions you have to answer to win the round and win the money some rounds just general knowledge some are multiple choice but there's one round where you look at a picture card and then you've got to remember all the details and then there are questions on the back so round by round we're going to crack on with this but what i like about this memory game yeah what i like about this is that it's not just a normal boring board game because there's no board but

you get little cardboard places to put your money we've got a little card money holder is that what that is yeah because what happens is scores cards yeah at the end of every round you will put on these a stack of coins and those coins are how much you've won or lost in that round so vincent some rounds start with you getting 10 grand and you get it whittled away with every incorrect answer. We've got little chips here. So there are chips, different colours, 1,000, 2,000, 5,000, 10,000. Simple enough. Yellows must be the

big boys. Yeah. No, the yellow, yeah, is the big boy. I think that's a 10. Yeah, it's a 10. But what I like about it is it came as I say, no board, lots of cards and question cards, but it has this lovely little plastic like video monitor screen. Paul, can I just venture a theory about where your love of board games has taken you?

It's taken you into a sort of niche area. You love electronic board games. What would you call them? What is the genre's name? No, they're just board games. They're like electronic board games. You like the ones with the little electronic component. You've started to

fetishise the electronic component. When they're well implemented. And I think this is one of those well implemented ones. Well, The Price of

Sight. Did we play that last week? I love that. Yeah. A couple of weeks ago. I love that.

It's one of my favourite things. Yes. And we are going to get some Plinketto discs, hopefully 3D printed for that. And then I'd like to

return to it. And spank you. Can we do that separately? I'll own you. I'll plonk you. This does a lot of speech. It doesn't have John Barrowman in it, who's the host, who... It does have someone who's sort of a recognisable voice though, it seems to be. Do you know what? I forgot to mention this, but you know I bought those different

Family Fortunes games recently, the Electronic Family Fortunes ones. There's one by Lexibook and the voice that come out of it isn't Les Dennis. No. It's not even Maxie Book and the voice that come out of it isn't Les Dennis. No. It's not even Max Bygraves. No. Randomly,

it's BBC Radio 1 radio presenter Simon Bates. You know the guy used to do, this film is rated 18 which means it has fucking bollocks

wanking in. Yes, he has stern, quite a stern voice. Very, very dead. Yeah, sort of very. I hated Simon Bates. I just found his demeanour appalling. Okay, and is he dead now?

No, I think he's still alive. Just not relevant anymore. Just, you know, probably on... I think he was on Classic FM recently. Yeah, he's on the serious side. That was Bizet. Yeah. And now we're going to Holtz and the Planets

and we're starting our journey with... Oh, God. It used to be on Radio 1. And now I've saved 30 seconds of shit and then they play a 14 minute orchestral piece oh god oh god what lexi books want me to do family fortunes i'm in yeah what are you gonna say he probably just sold his voice didn't he so um you get a little stand this is the component with speech as i say no john barrowman who was the host who is famous for being in doctor who and torchwood and getting his knob out on set, apparently.

So let me turn it on and get the speaker on and you can hear it. Who do you think is going to win? You, probably. Can you please tell me? Yeah. Just a little... Don't smack the table because that affects that. A little summary, please, of what I'm doing.

Five rounds. General knowledge, by and large. The difficulty of the round is determined on which random age range this lands on per round. Okay. Right?

End of the game. Who's got the most money wins? Oh, look, he's so proud because he made sense there for a second. Yeah, he didn't like it. You were trying to catch me out. I was.

Spider catcher fly with my web of go on, Paul. Explain Monopoly. Watch the offside rule. I didn't either ask you to explain the offside rule. Do you know what the offside rule is didn't ever ask you to explain the offside rule do you know what the

offside rule is yes what is it you're not allowed to pass the ball forward if there's less than two people in front of the line

of the ball ah it doesn't matter sports for weirdos we don't do it I do I play aerobics that's not sport

it fucking is the way I play ballet I know roller skate come on get it together Paul you don't you roller skate. Come on. Get it together, Paul. You don't. You roller skate.

Why don't you do both? Flybiscate. Flybiscate. It wouldn't work. Skater B. Wouldn't work, Paul. Why? Coward.

Come on, think about it. Bunch of you all wearing roller skates. And then playing Airbnb. And then frying it. Yeah. It's like Speedball 4000. Asking for a broken face. Well, mate, it's exciting. Think about it. Yeah, it's like Speedball 4000. Asking for a broken face. Well, mate,

it's exciting. Think about it. It's exciting. I'm excited to take you on at this Ganners Golden Games, Paul. All right, let's crack on then with playing The Kids Are Alright. I'm ready to play.

Here we go. I'm turning it on. The end of that sounds like... Hello and welcome to The Kids Are Alright. Fuck off. Right, this is round one. Do you know what? That theme sounds like it would suit a children's sci-fi show more than a game show.

Maybe. Maybe. It's a bit like... You know, flying from the sky. Or a sports event kind of thing. It doesn't scream game show to me. Apart from the end where it goes... Right, so round one.

Round one is called Instant Showdown. What's going to happen is you get awarded £5,000 at the beginning. Come on, give us your money. Which one's the ones? It's those ones. I'm going to give you five of those. Is that all I get at the beginning? I could sneak something out there. So you get five at the ones. I'm going to give you five of those. Is that all I get at the beginning? I could sneak something out there.

So you get five at the start. You're going to go first. I could cheat if I wanted to. I'll put five on. But I don't want to. No. Play nice. Right.

So you get £5,000. Right. I've got £5,000 in my hand. So player one, which is going to be Eli. Where do I put him? Just on that little instant replay button. Instant showdown. Each little disc on the card is a round of the game,

and you stack your winnings on each round and then count them at the end, right? I don't understand. Why aren't you stacking yours? I am. Why do I do it then? I'm just busy. Don't just expect me to do it.

But then if you get a question wrong, you remove one. Okay. You see? So it's about retaining that five grand over there, of course. All right, cool. So the first player should press button one on the electronic unit. Is that me? I'm the first player.

Don't do anything yet. I'm pressing one. No, don't do anything yet. The panels will light up and select one of the Super Seven kids. Now, you see there's seven kids on the screen. Yeah. There's a light and it will randomly flash and land on one. Yeah.

Do they have names? Yeah. Age nine, little boy. His name is Andrew. He likes eggs and watching Ghostbusters. Let me see it then. All right, little boy. His name is Andrew. He likes eggs and watching Ghostbusters. Let me see it then. All right, go on. He likes eggs and watching Ghostbusters.

Yeah, why not? What's number nine then? We've got nine-year-old, 10-year-old, 11-year-old, 12-year-old, 13-year-old. I don't know. I just asked if they had names. I'm not going to give them names. I didn't want you to. I don't want to give seven kids names.

I didn't want you to. I don't want to give seven kids names. I didn't want you to. I thought they would have come with names. Kate, Alan, Bernard, Sandra, Keith, Keith 2. Keith 2. Right, so what will happen is you will press Sandra and it will flash off. The age of the super kid determines the difficulty of the questions you have to face. So the older the kid, the harder the question. The player to your left, or me, will give you four questions from the round one question card.

Here we go. And then I ask you based on the age range. Simple. Is that all right? You ready? That's it. And then for everyone you get right, you've got to answer. How many have you got to answer?

You've got to answer four. How many rounds? Wait. We'll ask you four questions from round one. Yeah, in the age range. I'm great. I am totally lost. I don't know about you guys.

No, it's fine. So, Erdlund... He's managed to de-assure me. So, you've got four questions... Instead of reassure, de-assure. Right, you've got four questions. I just fucking came up with that. For every one you get wrong, I take a grand away.

Right, ready? But now I'm going to press button one. I want to press it! Press one and then tell me what age it lands on. Fucking hell! Yeah, here we go. Hold. Press it down. Instant showdown. Instant showdown.

What age group is it going to be? This is a bit unsavoury. Yeah, that's it. Alright. Fuck off. Oh, here we go. I like this. Yeah, it's scrolling for the lights.

Age 12. Okay. What kind of trousers does Bernard have on? Baggy. They look like MC Hammer ones. They look a bit like MC Hammer ones. Right. Pay attention.

I'm going to ask you four questions from the age range of 12. So there's age 11 to 13, 9 to 10. You'll read from that category. You know what I mean? Got it. Here we go. Question number one. Eli Silverman, age 12.

Which of the planets is famous for its rings? Saturn. Is correct. Question two. Divorced, beheaded, what fate befell Henry

the eighth's third wife? It's one of those two, is it? Just says divorced, beheaded, what fate

befell Henry the eighth's third wife? What happened to her? Beheaded? No. The answer is

she died. I'm taking a coin. Oh, what? That is... Just said she died. I'm taking a coin. Oh, what? That is... It just said she died. That's all it says on the card. Question three. In which country

would you find the city of Nice? France. That's fucking stupid. And finally, who was the England captain in the football in 2006 World Cup? Who was the captain

of the football team of England in 2006 World Cup? David Beckham. Is correct. So you've got £4,000 at the captain of the football team of England in 2006? World Cup. David Beckham. Is correct. So you've got £4,000 at the end of that round. I didn't like that question. I know, you didn't.

How was it? Read it to me. I'll read it back to you, literally as it was. That one there. Read it. Age 11 to 12. Divorced. Beheaded.

Yeah. What fate befell... Oh, so those were the first two wives. Yeah. That's a very bad... Admit that. I agree that that's a badly worded question, but I don't care because it lost you a point.

Right, here are the question cards for you. Okay, where do I read the questions from? Well, I'm going to press the button now. You don't know what kid you're doing. Can I want to look at it? Okay, no, yeah, you need to get it on... Let the people listen. No, it's fine.

I might just boost the sound if it's loud enough. Anyway, I'm pressing round one again now. Let's see which one of the kids you're going to face. Who do you want to face? The younger? Younger, ideally. The easier. Oh, age 11.

Only a year younger than my child. So you read from that category. Ready? Which is which? Age 11 to 13? Yeah, so you read four questions from that category. There are two on either side of the card. Go.

Come on. Okay. Are you ready for your first question? I am. King, Adélie, and Emperor are all types of which bird? King. Penguin. Yes.

Yes. Ooh, yeah. Come on. Next question. How is St. Stephen's Day on December 26th better known? Boxing Day. Fuck's sake. Come on, Paul.

Two for two. Which mountain range separates France from Spain? Separate. I'm going to have to press you. France from Spain. Mountain range. Andes. No.

What was it? I'll be taking it. It's the Pyrenees. I'm going to take... It's a pair of knees. No, it's not the Andes. It's a pair of knees. No, it's not the ants. It's a pair of knees. Right, you lose 1,000.

Right, okay, good. And are you ready for your last question? I am. How many? Four questions? Four, yeah. Yeah, okay. This is your last one.

Yes. Which artist with the initials PP went through his blue period? Picasso. Yes. Yay, I got four grand. As well. Is that round one done? That's round one done. period. Picasso. Yes. Yay, I got four grand. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da of a podcast does it have timer on it uh let me tell you now exactly what the rules are the second so yeah press button to on the on the unit the panels will light up and randomly select select one of seven kids whatever kid you land on determines the number of questions you need to answer correctly for the prize money you can win so you look at a picture there are 10 questions

in all but let's just say you land on age 12 you've got to get 6 out of those 10 right to win 12 grand. Okay. You see? As an example. So that means the easier... There's a minimum you have to get, basically. For instance, if you get the age 9 year old, you only have to answer 5 questions, but you'll only win 9 grand.

Okay. You see? Yeah. Right, so let me just see how it goes. So, select the picture card randomly, Yeah. Place the card on the table. You have 30 seconds to study the image. Once the time is up, turn the card over to the player who will ask you the questions on the back. There is no time limit.

You must answer the questions correctly. If you answer less, you win nothing. I'm ready to start studying one of these, Paul. Right. Now, don't I? That's what I need to do. What do we press the button first? You've got to press round two first.

Here we go. I'm pressing it. Do I have the cards first. Here we go, I'm pressing it. Do I have the cards first? Here we go. I like all the flashing in the music. I quite like the unit. Yeah. You need to answer correctly.

Right, so this is how many you need to answer correctly. It's landed on... Oh, 13. Edge 13. Which means you need to get seven out of ten questions right. That's quite a lot, isn't it? So, I'm going to show you a card, then press the button, and you just study the card for 30 seconds.

I'll tell everyone what I'm seeing on this card. I'm picking it one random from the middle. Okay. I'm going to put it down, and then when you're ready, you tell me when you want to start the timer. Ready? I'll tell the people what the image is, so you can just look at it. It's a hairdresser's salon we're looking at.

The picture's on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. I'm going to remember the details. Yeah. Here we go. The time starts now. Okay. The time starts now. Okay, so we've got a hairdressing salon.

Look for the details now. I'm looking for the details. There's a dog. There's a poodle in the middle. There's a dog. There's a poodle in the middle. There's a guy wearing sunglasses, cutting a woman's hair. There's a poster of a lady. And there's a little plant in the corner.

Chairs have wheels, booties. All those hair-drying machines, four of them are in hair-drying machines. That's it. Time is up up it is now time for the questions are you ready now there's no time limit on the questions but you have to get seven of these right I've got it in my mind here we go question one

how many mirrors were there fuck four no the answer was three so you've got to get you've got to get... You've got eight now to get right. Fuck's sake.

In what hand was the male hairdresser holding scissors? Left or right? Right. Is correct. That's one. Remember one. What were the ladies sitting under the hairdryers doing? Reading.

I'll give you that is correct. That's two. Next question. How many hairdressers were there? There were three hairdressers. There were two. Fuck! So that means you've got to get all of these right.

If you get any of these wrong now, it's all over. All right, here we go. What was in the bottom left corner of the scene? A pot plant. Yes, well played. What was below the poster left corner of the scene? A pot plant. Yes, well played. What was below the poster on the back wall? A sink. No, I can't accept that.

It is shelves with bottles on, so no money there, unfortunately. I like that game. Still very good. I like that game. Right, so pick one at random. Okay. And now I've got to press this button again now to pick the category. So, wait there.

Here we go. Let's find out how many questions you need to answer correctly. Here we go. I hope it's hard for you as well. Thank you, sir. Ten. Oh, it's not going to be. That means I only need to get five out of ten correctly to win ten grand.

So, when you're ready to pass me a picture, I'm just going to say for the listeners, Paul, this is a cross-section of an underground railway with a bit of basically that's what it is. Pictures on our website. Ready? I'm going to press the timer and my timer starts.

What? Don't look at it before you press the timer. I haven't yet. I'm looking at the button. all right i've got my hand covered two one now right so i'm looking at the underground i can see a dinosaur in the time below there's someone digging it looks like a rabbit digging and a pig there's a chest there's people going up the escalator there's a block there's two blonde women shit there's a tube station with 551 written on it. And then an arrow. It's 1348 on the clock. There's a newsstand. That's nice.

There's some rats. It looks like two rats. 551. 148. This is crafty, isn't it? And then there's a blind man with a dog and a dead baby. Give it to me. I've got to get five of these right. Five out of ten.

Yeah. So you keep your hands ready to mark your own score. Yeah, here we go. I'm trusting you on that. Here we go. You ready now, Paul? Yeah.

Okay, first question. What did the little boy waiting for the train have in his hand? I don't fucking know. Have a guess. A spaceship. No, it was a toy dinosaur. Have a guess. A spaceship. No, it was a toy dinosaur.

Bollocks. How many people were travelling up the escalator? Four. I can't take that, Paul. It was five people. Oh, fucking hell. Zero for two. All right, that's fine.

What was the time on the clock? 1348. That's good. There we go. One. Four away. What was buried next on the clock? 1348. That's good. There we go. One. Four away. What was buried next to the dinosaur bones? What was buried next to the dinosaur bones?

A treasure chest? No. What was it? A jug. Oh, shit. Have I got to get all these right now? Yeah. Fuck.

What was that number? What was that? I don't know. That was number four. Okay, so I've got one out of five right So I need to get No you've got one out of four right Oh okay

What was, this is number five okay Yeah Just, you've got one I'm panicking, alright I'm panicking I can't take the stress What was the person at the top of the escalator Was the person at the top of the escalator Male or female?

Male or female Female Wrong Oh come on. What number was on the underground train? Five, five, one. You get that.

Wow. It gets you with the numbers, doesn't it? I know. Because I was expecting that kind of question. You can still do this. All right.

I've got three to get. How many have you scored? I've got two. I need to get three more. Yeah, and you have four questions. All right. Shit.

What was the little girl on the platform dressed as? Like a vampire. She had a cloak on. Yeah, three. Come right. Shit. What was the little girl on the platform dressed as? Like a vampire. She had a cloak on. Yeah, three. Come on, Paul. What did the lady on the platform have in her trolley? Oh.

What did she have in her trolley? Oh, food, vegetables, like shopping. No. What was it? A dog. Oh, well, I don't know. You should know that. Why should I know there's a dog there?

You've got two questions left. How many have you scored? Three. I need to get both of these right. Oh. How many animals were burrowing in the ground? Two? No. What? How many were there? There were three mole rabbits and one mole.

Four. Fuck off. Right, well no one wins any money that round. No one wins any money that round. Boll off. Right, well, no one wins any money that round. No one wins any money that round. Bollocks. Right, well, that was still fun. Yeah, it was. I liked it.

Yeah. Right. Good. Round four, round two. That was like the Krypton Factor. It was. It's a little bit Krypton Factory, that. Yeah.

Right, here we go. Round three, Double Jeopardy. Double Jeopardy is a simple multiple choice questions and answer round with a twist. Right, so. With a twist. What's the twist? I don't think there is one, really. Why does it say with a twist. Right, so... With a twist? What's the twist? I don't think there is one, really. Why does it say with a twist? I don't know.

Press button three on the electronic unit. The panels will light up to select one of the seven kids. The age of the kid indicates the total prize money that can be won. So, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. So, you can either win... You're both still on four grand. Yeah. The banker places the prize money in front of the player.

So, if you land on ten, he puts ten grand in front of you. Right? I'll be the banker will places the prize money in front of the player so if you land on 10 he puts 10 grand in front of you right i'll be the banker there are three do you ask a question there are three possible answers and only two are correct so how many do you have to get right so round three yeah okay there's a card right and there's three questions or multiple choices you've got to get two out of the three questions right. Okay. Right? So, for example, just top card for example, it says, which of these two are musical notes?

Semi-cleft, semi-brave, cleft, or hermy, squirmy, dermy, quaver? And the answer is semi-brave and hermy, dermy, semi-quaver. No, it's not hermy, dermy. It is. Fuck off. Which of these two books are by Ian Fleming? Casino Royale, Chichibangbang, Ipcrisphile. So you'd go A and B, right? And you get that right.

But for every one you get wrong, you get two taken away. Okay. I'm ready to go. Right, so here we go. Question three. Are you ready for Double Jeopardy? Yeah. Right, ready?

Who's this, me or you? You. You're going first again. That's how it goes. Oh, age 15. But that means you can win 15 grand here. All right. Get 15 grand, put it in front of me.

You got 15 grand. So that means I give you a bunch of twos and one 1,000 coin, right? So you've got to retain that. I'm going to ask you three questions. For whatever one you get wrong, I take two away. All right? Shuffle you've got to retain that. I'm going to ask you three questions. Put it on double density. For whatever one you get wrong, I take two away. Alright? Shuffle, shuffle the pack. Here we go. Three questions.

You've got to get two out of the three correct. I'm ready. Here we go. Which of these are former England football managers? Is it A. Graeme Taylor, B. Alf Ramsey, C. Mike Bassett? Graeme B, Alf Ramsey, C, Mike Bassett? Graham Taylor, Alf Ramsey.

Taylor and Ramsey is correct. Thank you. Here we go. Next question. Which of these are traditional Greek dishes? Moussaka, goulash, stifado? A and C. Moussaka and stifado A and C Musaka and Stifado Yes

Is correct And finally Which of these two Are ranks in the British Army Is it Lieutenant General Brigadier Or Command

Commodore Commodore Yeah is it Commodore Brigadier Commodore As in Lionel Richie No not as in

No not like that Although it might be From that The Commodores They're really into naval shit I think they were Which of these two Are ranks in the British Army As in Lionel Richie? No, not as in... No, not like that. Although it might be from that. The Commodores, they're really into naval shit. I think they were. Which of these two are ranks in the British Army? I think Commodore's the one that isn't in the Army. So you...

What? So Lieutenant General, Brigadier and Commodore. I'd say A and B. Is correct. You have retained all your cash. Well played. Oh, boy. You ready?

You ready to play now? My turn to go. So I'm going to press number 3 Let's see which one of the kids you're going to face Here we go Those were 15 year olds I beat there as well Well the questions didn't really matter, they were all the same age range I noticed 14

So I can win 14 grand Are you ready? There's the 14, now I've got it potentially Ganon ready I am ready, hit've got it, potentially. Ganon, ready? I am ready. Hit me with it.

Go. Okay. Again, you need to get the two correct answers. From the three. Here we go. Which two of these are types of chews? Oh. Stinking Bishop.

I've got a Stinking Bishop. I don't wash my dick in a few days. Blue Monday. Oh, come on, mate. Go on. Blue Monday. That's what happens. Goes through a phase from a stinking bitch into Blue Monday. In fact, if I leave it too much, it becomes a Blue Monday.

But then you know how you... What? How you alleviate that. Go on. Monterey Jack. Yeah, of course. Then you jack all the cream up the top? Right, it is A and C.

Types of cheese, yeah. Stinky Bishop. Correct. Right, speak into the mic. Next question. Yes. Which two of these are types of snake? Types of snake, Paul.

We're looking for types of snake. Bush Master. That's what they call my cock. Yeah, of course. Don't they, don't they? Sniff out a bush. No, it doesn't're looking for types of snake. Bushmaster. That's what they call my cock. Sniff out a bush. Sniffs out the creek in the bush. I'm glad you're having fun. I need to focus, so come on.

It could be like a dead lamb in the creek. Bushmaster. Come on. Bushmaster makes me laugh. Good. Boom slang. Bird cheater. Bird che makes me laugh. Good. Boom slang, bird cheetah. Bird cheetah. Bird cheetah. Bird cheetah.

B-I-R-C-H-E-A. So read those three out again very quickly. Bushmaster. Yes. Boom slang. Yeah. Bird cheetah. I'm going to say A and B.

Yep. Is it correct? Yes. Hey! I thought it was a complete guess. Right, next. Three. Which two of these are capital cities?

Right Rio de Janeiro Right Berlin Right Riga Right Rio de Janeiro Berlin

Riga How do you spell Riga? R-I-G-A Yes B and C Yep Yeah Yeah

Hey question four Come on The way you look at me You don't get four questions Oh yeah You just get three I only got three I got me 14 grand

We're both Neck and neck Going into the next round Question round four This is called Omission impossible When I can't get it up I bet it's about

That fucking Do you know what really cracked me up? What? That Monterey Jack thing. Yeah, I know it did, and that's pathetic. Right, round four is a test of logic. Each player has to answer

as many picture, word, and mathematical problems as they can in the time allowed. There are no trick questions. It's about getting to the answer the quickest. So what you do is you press button four on the unit.

The panel will light up to select one of the super kids. Whatever the kid is reflects the time you have to answer the quickest. So what you do is you press button 4 on the unit, the panel will light up to select one of the super kids. Whatever the kid is reflects the time you have to answer the questions. So no matter how many questions there are, you only have a set time limit. So for instance, if you get 9 you have 60 seconds, if you get a 15 year old you get 30 seconds of time. Okie dokie then. Once the player checking the question, the answers is ready, press 4 to start the timer again again so you press it once to select the kid and wants to start the timer i'm ready to select it's you guys first so have a quick look at these cards you go talking about because you see i'm going to pick this one see they're all like there's a whimmage thing and there's a whimmage an image thing and a

word puzzle and you've got to go through as many as possible. Now, are they written on the back of these? Whoever had this before has written on everything. I've got loads of cards out because they've literally written on the card. Well, that's why I was in a charity shop. Look, see? Read the clue or unscramble the letters to find the answer. I can see the answer there, Athens. Hasten to visit the Greek city, Athens. Ah, you see?

Yes, but if they've all got the answers on, that's not... Well, no, I've pulled out the ones that haven't been scrawled on in pencil. So how are you going to check my working? I've got the answer card here. Oh, okay. So you tell me what card number you're using. And the card question, like you've got 19 or whatever. I have 19 here, and then you tell me if you're right.

So we go one by one? One by one. Okay. You have to answer the questions correctly before you can proceed. If you're stuck, you can pass, but you can only pass up to three times. Okay. You'll get £2,000 for every correct answer. Eli, press button number four, then.

A mission impossible. Flying through the sky. Let's see how much time you will have to complete this game. Here we go. Oh, that only gives you... Oh, that gives you 60 seconds. That's all right. Would I have got more if the child was older?

You would get less. Oh. Which is difficult when you think about it, because that means you're playing harder for less money, potentially. It's a weird balance, that, in many respects. But I'm going to pick out the card here at the front. It starts with 85. All right. Okay, I'm going to pick out the card here at the front. It starts with 85, all right? Okay, I'm ready to go.

Ready to go. Three, two, one, go. Your time starts now. 85, is it, yeah? Okay, so I've got which word follows mobile, pay, public, and home? Okay, what does? Phone. It's correct.

I've got answer this simple mathematical question. 16 minus 3 plus 7 divided by 2. So you've got 16 minus 3 is 13 plus 7 is 20 divided by 2 is 10. 10. Is correct. 87. What phrase is represented below? Cloud 9, standing on cloud 9.

I'll give you that, it's correct. The word below has one vowel removed. Can you work out the missing vowel and name the animal? It has the A removed and it's salamander. It's correct. Which of these shapes fits the hole? So you're having an image of a certain hole and a shape, then I take it right now.

It is A. It's correct. Yeah. Which tennis racket has hit the ball? There's a little maze here. That's it. Your time is up.

And you won in that round, Mr. Silverman. Two, four, six... 10,000. 10,000 points. There you go. Hey!

This could be it. Right. So, there's your answer cards for me. All right. I'm going to just have that there ready you go. Hey! This could be it. Right, so there's your answer cards for me. Alright. I'm going to just have that there ready to go. So I'm going to press question four. Let's see how much time you will have to complete this game. Here we go. Scrolling. I got the

best possible. You did actually. This is going to be... Age 11. 50. Yeah. 50 seconds. Alright, so 10... Age 11. 50. Yeah, 50 seconds. All right, so 10 less than you. Yes. All right, so...

And which card are you? I'm going to start with... It's number 19, all right? Ready? So I'm going to start with 19, and I go... Now. So which word follows iron, sports, wine, and high?

Iron, wine, sports, wine, and high? Iron, wine, sports, iron, high, sport, wine. Oh no, why can't I do this? Which word follows iron, iron, curtain, sports, curtain, wine, curtain, high? Do you want to pass? Yeah, pass. What is represented below? Go and a shadow. Go, shadow. What is represented below? Go and a shadow. Go, shadow.

Pass. Okay. Which of these two butterflies are exactly the same? There's five butterflies. I need to look at the same ones now. So I'm going to say, oh, they all look the same. It is B and E. Yes.

That's one. Good. Read the clue and decipher the acronym. Please rescue us SOS Save our souls Yep Yeah cool The word below

Has one vowel removed Can you find out The missing word Crocodile That's it you're over No you did not get that Come on I can't No I heard it

I'm giving it Come on We all heard it You can play back the tape Paul Come on I was literally going to And you said crocodile As it went off

I only Come on You're such a little cheat. You still did four grand better. You can listen back to that. I don't give a fuck, mate. Fuck's sake. You still did four grand better than me.

You're still up, I think, like six grand ahead. All right, it made the noise. And it's the last round now. You got really unlucky there, actually, because it was a terrible clue for number... Yeah, what was it? Sorry, start again. Number 20.

So what was 19? What word follows? Bar. Iron bar, wine bar, sports bar, high... Yeah, what was it? Sorry, start again. Number 20. So what was 19? What word follows? Bar. Iron bar, wine bar, sports bar, high... Yeah. So 20. So it's a word go and then a shadow of a head. Go ahead.

Oh, fuck off. Yeah, that one's a bit dodgy, isn't it? What phrase is represented below? Is that fish out of water? Yes. Well, there you go. I didn't do too badly, but I fucking fudged the first one. It's a mix of lots of

different little games right so round five is very simple apparently it's just you have to answer seven questions and each one gets harder because of the age range okay start with one a nine-year-old this is the real deal now let's see how this works press button five on the unit all the panels will light the player uh will ask you the questions. When a question is answered correctly, press button five to switch off the super kids light. And the banker will give you 1,000. Then proceed to the next question. You get all seven correct, you win a bonus of five. So you could possibly win 12 betwings.

12,000 pounds. 12,000 pounds. If you give an incorrect answer, you're instantly eliminated. The game is over. One incorrect answer. One incorrect answer. Yeah, but you don't lose all of your... The win is over one incorrect answer one incorrect answer yeah but you don't lose all of your this the win is still yeah you only win what yeah so you win whatever you get up to in that age range all right question five i'm gonna give them a shuffle you're

gonna go first press five mr silverman okay yeah okay sorry i didn't i don't know if you should say let's beat the kids. Right, they're all lit up. Here we go. What do I have to do? Right, they're all lit up. When I press button five again, it turns off one of these lights, right? Yeah.

So there's no time limit. You've just got to get each question right. If you get the nine-year-old right, you press five. It turns nine off. If you get 10 right, it's off. If you can't answer it or you've... That's it. That's it. You're over and you win whatever you've won up to at that point.

Are you ready for the final round? Are you ready, Eli Silverman, to beat the kids? I'm ready to beat them. Yeah? Here we go. He's shuffling. Just shuffling.

Getting the top card. Here we go. Here are your questions, Mr. Silverman. Starting with age nine, what did Levi Strauss invent? Jeans. Correct. Turn off the nine-year- Levi Strauss invent? Jeans. Correct.

Turn off the nine-year-old. Oh, I like it. Okay. Ten-year-old. Ten-year-old. How many signs of the zodiac are there? Twelve. Correct.

Turn off your ten-year-old. Age 11. In which city is the temple known as the Parthenon? Athens. Is correct. Turn off your eleven-year-old. Number 12. Is correct. Turn off your 11-year-old. Number 12. Age 12.

Which landmark would you see at a place called Giza? What landmark would you see at a place called Giza? Come on. Age 12. A pyramid. Is correct. Turn off your 12-year-old. Age 13. What nationality was football legend Diego Maradona?

He was Argentine. He was. Turn off your 13-year-old. Can he do all seven, Mr. Silverman? So, what is Chinese junk? Or what is a Chinese junk? Small sailboat. Is correct.

Turn off your age 14. Final question, Mr. Silverman, age 15. Cor-el-nor and the star of Africa are famous types of what? Can you spell the first bit?

C-O-H-L-N-O-O-R Cor-el-nor and the star of Africa are famous types of what? Come on, coffee? No, the answer was diamond. So you only win. You still win 6,000 though. So let's give you, is that five and a one?

There you go. No, that's a two and a one. Thank you very much. 6,000 points. So how much have you got altogether so far far mr silverman i have these are two the oranges are two yeah so i've got i've got 24 000 pound at this point in the game how much have you got oh god he's gonna whack my ass off you got 20 hang on i've got 26 27 i've got 24 yeah you still done ever so slightly better than me still.

So here we go. Here are the round five questions, Mr. Silverman. If I lose by... Oh, I have to get all seven right, basically. It's fraud. No, I have to get all seven right to win. You said crocodile distinctly after the buzzer. Mate, it still doesn't matter.

I still have to get all seven of these to win. I just have to, otherwise you win. It's that simple. So I'm going to reset the system. Bring on the children! I wish to beat the kids. Sounds like Airwolf.

Doesn't it? Time for Airwolf! Right, good. Time for... Right, good. Right, here we go. I've got seven kids ready. I'm good to go. Start with the nine-year-old.

Are you ready? Yes. No time limit. No pressure. You have to answer. Here we go. Seven questions in a row, Paul. All right, first question.

Right. It'd be really shameful if you didn't get this one. Oh, I'm aware. What are basketball players doing when they bounce the ball? What are basketball players... Dribbling. Yes.

Turn off the nine-year-olds. I've turned off my nine-year-old. Life support. I never got... I was killing seven kids when I played this. That's terrible. The Shipman edition.

Right. Angel of Death edition of kids are all right until we turn off their live support Right Question 10 Age 10 In which country do people practice flamenco dancing?

Paul Flamenco dancing Spain Yes Turn off the 10 year old What H What H H

Strikes the string in a piano to make a sound. Hammer. Yes. Yes. Talking to the mic. Bring on the 12-year-old. This just makes me laugh. Go on. Where in your body would you see your ovula?

Uvula. It's in your throat. It's not what the card says. It's in the back of your throat. Uvula. It's not what the card says. You're wrong. In your mouth?

Yeah. Well, it's the same fucking thing. It's not the same thing. throat, the uvula. That's not what the card says. In your mouth? Yeah. Well, it's the same fucking thing. It's not the same thing. I still knew what it was. Again, another piece of controversy. They would take that. It's the little dangly thing in the back of your mouth that I bash with the top of my helmet.

You could say it in the mouth. I ring out your uvula. Ding dong, uvula on high. With my bell end, I bash it. Ding dong, uvula on high. With my bell and diaper shit. Ding dong, uvula on high. Could you do something where you get both of them? And when I come, I splash it. Uvula, I get both. I can't joke on your dick

end. No. Fuck off. That song, Bill Donuts could have done that song. I'm having that. Come on, that counts because I knew exactly where it was. Fucking hell, ladies and gentlemen. Right, good. Age 13. Come on.

Don't get your uvula in a twist. Age 13. Which TV soap featured the Valentine and McQueen families? The McQueen family? Valentine. The Valentine and McQueen families. McQueenQueen family? Valentine and McQueen families. McQueen. God, I don't know.

Which TV soap features the Valentine and McQueen families for a chance of winning? It's not going to be here. You're going to have to make a guess for it, aren't you? Coronation Street. No. What was it? Holy Oaks. Fuck off, Holy Oaks.

Did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. Here we go. He's going to do it now. Say goodbye. Bye. How much have you got now, then? So I've got 24, 25, 26, 27, 28. So I have 28 grand.

And you add what? Because you won six grand. No, I got less than that. You won six grand in that round. You fucked up the score. I haven't fucked up. You still won. You still won by at least four grand.

Okay. All right. So congratulations, Eli Silverman. You've won Gannon's Golden Games. You've completely deflated this whole experience for me. I'm sorry. I thought... No, on a serious level. This segment's been like 50 minutes. I'm sorry. I thought... No, on a serious level...

This segment's been like 50 minutes and I'm bored. I thought it was quite fun. It was actually a fun game. I enjoy playing that. I like the mix of different things and they're not too hard and they're not too easy either. No. Do you know what I mean? There's a nice balance.

I just find the whole thing, the whole gimmick of children of different ages being a bit strange. No, I know. But I can imagine it's just, you know... Nice little thing. I love the know, but I can imagine it's just, you know, nice little thing. I love the little stand. I love it. It could do, I'd like to see a sort of

much more generalised trivia game using a device like this, you know? Yeah, there probably are similar things out there, but this suits it well because you've got to remember,

it's got to know what round is which and what the time differences and what lights need to be on. So it's not a simple lights machine. I need a word that describes this type of board game gizmo because it is the type of thing that gets your rocks chodney bore off. I'm going to term a term for it now. Coin a term?

I'm going to call it... Board electrons? Board electro... What is it? What makes this different from your standard? The electronic component? A component board game an electronic component board game a calculator board game functional unit circuit if anyone has an idea or actually knows what term people use for this new wave of electronically enhanced board games uh that paul so loves please do let us know

electric board games electric board games i can't think of a word he's just trying to do also loves please do let us know Electroboard Games Electroboard Games I can't think of a word he's just trying to do something stupid and crazy to keep on brand now I am trying to so ladies and gentlemen let's end this segment

by saying fat wobbly jizzy cock bells and slobberob and your cobble of chobney dobdoff oh oh

chobney dobdoff oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh happy Christmas everybody Oh, Chardonnay Doff. Oh, Gloria. I'll Chardon your big spard off. Happy Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas.

Happy 2016. That's it. Let's get out of here. We played that game for way too long. We've got to get home and have our supper. Paul, I was quite involved. Yes? i was quite uh involved yes yes yes it was an interesting game we it's certainly a lovely game to play over a christmas dinner or something like that you know what i mean not if not if you had like a lot of kids in your family and some of

them had died well because then the age group would come up and you'd think oh i see that's i see our departed yeah that's what see our departed child in that silhouette. That's what I was thinking of. The ghostly silhouette. Don't, we can't play the game. Every time age 11 comes up, she cries for an hour. What if that got haunted? And then they'd all be like, oh, please make me a blood offering or something.

No, it's a sacrifice. What? Other children too. A mouse. A mouse? Yeah. Mate, work on that. Well, it's just not much of us it's a little

mouse jesus wept mr boys well keith keith uh keith what he he needs replenishing i'm not doing any of that stuff right we're moving on it's time to wrap up because this takes you gotta feed the witch hole paul if you'd like to support us on Patreon, it's patreon.com. It has cheap show. It has access to magazines and extra podcasts and extra videos and all sorts of fun and games. That is exclusive to Patreon supporters. And for those who do,

thank you. You've gotten us through what, as we can all agree, is a very torturous year. Yes. Shitty, shitty year. Also... Oh, Paul!

I can hear him. Keith's witchhole. It's a calling. It's a calling. It's a howling. Also, what? The PO box. I don't want to read it. No, I can hear him. Keith's witch hole. It's a calling. It's a calling. It's a howling. Also, what? The P.O. Box. I don't want to read it.

It's got me so to say. No, I'm not giving you any responsibilities today. You just can't focus. So, bing-a-bong-a-bing-bong, bing-a-bong-a-boo. Here we go. So, if you want to send us anything to have on the show, any items you like, your own bespoke price of shite, please do. You can send it to the post office box, which is P.O. Box 1309 Harrow HA19QJ.

Send us what you like. And also, if you want to send stuff to Digitizer, you can also send that, and I'll pass it on, because I'm nice like that. Don't do Paul Daniels. Not a lot. He was a huge cunt. Email thecheapshowatgmail.com.

Anything you like, a tell from the shop floor, an anecdote, a a correction if you must but keep it friendly Paul is saving those up apparently that's why we haven't had those on the show

for a while we've got a big stack of Tales from the Shop floor a big thundering stack of Tales from the Shop floor some of which I can read

there are my tongue betrayed me it did it always. My tongue betrayed me. It did. It always does, doesn't it? My tongue betrayed me. What else? Oh, yeah. We're on Facebook and Instagram and Tumblr,

but we're mostly active on Twitter, at The Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon's show, and Eli is... Eli Snowdy, L-I-S-N-O-Y-D. And what else? No, that's it. Pictures and videos that accompany this episode, if there are any,

will be on the website, thecheapshow.co.uk. And that's it, Eli and videos that accompany this episode, if there are any, will be on the website, thecheapshow.co.uk. And that's it, eLife. Sing us out. I'm not singing anything. Oh, why not? I'll tell you what. I know how to end this show.

I know how to end this show. Fucking please the listeners. Larry! Come on in. You need to close the show out for us, mate. I don't think he's come down yet, Paul. Has he not?

No. Well, then he's fired. Cunt. How dare he? Well, for the finale. Well, he's coming in tomorrow. He's coming in tomorrow. Mate, then he's fired. Cunt. How dare he? Well, for the finale. Well, he's coming in tomorrow. He's coming in tomorrow. Mate, I wanted him to inch us off tonight.

Should I get him to call? See if he's about. I'll call him. Go on. Call him. Okay, hang on. Sorry about this, ladies and gentlemen. He's here somewhere.

I thought he'd be here, but I guess not. Hey, I've got him. Hello? Got him. Larry? Yes, Eli. Could you just give us a couple of I know it's great news

it's exciting isn't it it's great news so could you give us a couple of you know what down the line just two just two yeah okay Larry and I'll see you tomorrow yeah I've got plenty for you to do

yeah no we won't be using those the handcuffs this time. Okay, I'm just going to put you on the line and just give the inches straight away. Okay, Larry? Love you. He's ready. All right, go for it.

Okay, Larry, now. Inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch. I've got inches. I've got inches. Inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch. Is that enough? You want more, Paul? I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, hello, I'm Bill Donut, and I've decided that if Larry isn't coming back, I thought I would take up the role. I didn't think life on the street would be good. So, no, I'm happy now to join the Cheap Show podcast, especially if there's no Larry here anymore. Bill, you're going to have to sleep with Larry Inchman. We've only got the one bed.

This is really awkward. We've kind of invited Larry back, Bill. All right, Larry, thanks. I'll see you later. Bye. Put your tongue up on him. Does this mean you don't want me to sing any songs? Well, you could actually, because I didn't want to do a song, Bill.

You could do a song now. Come on, just give it, knock it out of the park and we'll... He's got fat balls. He's got fat balls. Oh, he can't walk in a straight line. He's got fat balls. Fat balls. Oh, he can't walk in a straight line and he can't go dancing either. Fat balls, fat balls.

He's got fat balls, fat balls. Who's got fat balls? Fat balls, fat balls, fat balls. Is that one of your best, Larry? Really, is that what you should play? It's not called Larry. Larry. Bill. Sorry, Bill.

Come on. Larry. Bill. Fat balls. It sounds like you've been drinking, mate. Auntie Mary had a canary up the leg of her drawers. When Auntie farted down

it darted like a racing horse now you did not write that yourself get the mop I've been very sick again this week that's it this week

boys and girls bye everybody see you next time bye bye you