CheapShow - Ep 21: The Berenstain Bears Conspiracy

Episode Date: May 11, 2016

Welcome to CheapShow! Well... What should've been a short and sweet little feature on just how much your old 80s & 90s toys could be worth quickly turns into a messy tangential omni-shambles.  Eli and Paul end up talking less about the toys and more about which rock bands became crappy ballad merchants, cheesy crisps and whether we are all living in a alternate dimension simply because people can't figure out if some bears are called Berenstain or Berenstein! It's a nightmare! But don't worry, the CheapShow chaps also play a round of "The Price of Shite" & regale us all with another "Tales from the Dancefloor" It's another episode of the random pop culture economy comedy podcast! Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher, iTunes or most good podcast apps and get fortnightly fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are in Southampton, in the studio. Yes, it's Eli Silverman. Joining me is Paul Gannon. Cheap Show 21 From the future Cha-cha-cha-cha That was a very bold introduction I liked it

Did you like that? I did I want you to talk for the rest of the show in that voice Okay, I'll have a coffee Silly bang Hello, you alright? Yeah Another episode in

Episode 21. Yeah, that's good, isn't it? We never got this far, even with the Unclickables. Which was our other... The show that became Cheap Show when we realised Unclickables was really hard to find online. Yes, and also sounded a bit like Unclickables. Yeah. Which is a bit like Unclickonables, which is a bit like nobody listened to this.

Either way, have you ever seen that film, That Thing You Do? You know, like, the conceit behind that film. Is that Efra Noren? No, it's Tom Hanks' movie. It's basically a kind of American version of The Beatles' story

and it's very tongue-in-cheek but the joke behind it is is that they're a one-hit wonder band and so they call themselves The Wonders but spelled O-N-E-ders. One-ders.

Yeah, Wonders. See, but in the film everyone gets it wrong because they see it and go The O-E-N-Ders? You know, and that's kind of what the problem with Unclickable is is you couldn't really does one does yeah one does see but in the film everyone gets it wrong because they see it and go the oen does you know and that's

kind of what the problem with Unclickable is you couldn't really spell it and it's like join us online at T-H-E-U-N-Q

anyway so now we are Cheap Show we are Cheap Show which is a lot easier a lot more friendly it's easier and Cheap Show has come

of age it has we're 21 today yes which means we can now what vote? no drink in America

we can drink we can drink. We can drink in America. Yeah, that's nice. Well, you do get bigger drinks out there. Do you? In terms of what? Size? Well, there's none of this sort of like one shot, two shot. No? Yeah. The bartender likes the look of you. He'll free pour. And how did people give you a lot of free pouring?

Oh yeah, I always get free pours, mate. Because you're a hot bit of fucking rough. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Do they have pint glasses in America? I know it sounds ridiculous. Because I've been in America and I've drank there. But I never remember if they serve you like a pint of something.

They will in the... You've got Irish pubs out there. Oh, the Irish pubs. Or the old English-y, yoddy pubby. Yeah. In those places where they serve fish and chips. Oh, yeah. Then they'll serve you a pint, yeah.

Oh, okay. But by and large, if you go and get a drink yeah. Then they'll serve you a pint, yeah. Oh, okay. But by and large, if you go and get a drink in a bar and they pour you a drink, a beer, it just comes in what? A glass? A half pint, sort of. One of those long, thin ones that you'd like. Yeah, I don't like drinking out of that. I think it's a waste of fucking time drinking out of that shit.

I won't have it! I won't have it! When I get wrecked, I want to get wrecked with a proper glass! Yeah, but I've found pints are unwieldy. Because you have one, you have two, you have three, you're fucked. Do you know what I mean? I'm fucked on one, to be honest. Yeah.

But it's more controllable with a can or a bottle. The problem is, I've noticed when you drink beer out of a can, it goes flat or the flavour goes quicker in a can. Is that just me being mad? But things taste staler quicker in a can. I agree. Yeah? That's one of the problems with canned lagers, yes. And yet when you drink from a bottle, like the Coca Cola situation, Coke always tastes better out of a bottle. It certainly does. So does good old fashioned beer. Yes. Lovely, lovely, lovely ale. Lovely, frothy, sassy beer yeah num num num cheap show sponsoring alcoholism

yeah so I've had quite a boozy boozy little weekend have you oh have you got a Tales from the Dance Floor I have a Tales from the Dance Floor

floor floor floor we need to get a proper jingle for that although we don't have any jingles at all yet so so as you know yeah

I do a bit of DJing club work yeah club work and the DJ superstar DJ and last night I was in Camden Blues Kitchen Camden which is in London I do a bit of DJing, club work. Yeah. Club work and the DJ suit. Superstar DJ. And last night I was in Camden, Blues Kitchen Camden. Which is in London for those who are outside of the country. It's in that London.

In that there London. And it's swanky. Is it? No. Yeah, it's not. Anyway, sticky would be the word. Grotty. Anyway, I love working there though.

What a shithole. I love working there though and uh what a shithole i love working there please don't fire me so it's coming towards the end of the night uh the last bit up to 3 30 the final band's been on you're winding up i'm doing the last bit and uh a girl comes up onto the stage where my dj booth is and comes over i beckon her over yeah and with a finger i do do that with the finger yes because they always stand at the bottom of the stage and try and make eye contact hello hello and then they try and sort of mouth a request to you like as if goff yeah as if you're gonna hit be able to decipher in the dark what someone's saying three meters away you know you beckon her in i beckon her over yeah like dove above. And she comes over and she goes, what I first think she says is,

could you speak up, please? That's what I thought she was saying. I thought that's what she was saying. Could you speak up, please? That's what I thought she was saying. And I thought, okay, her English isn't great, so it must be, could you turn it up, is what she means.

Do you see what I mean? She doesn't know the word for could you turn the volume up. make it that louder make it louder which i think yeah that could be what she's saying but that's a bit strange yeah you know i mean because it's loud i mean it's not very loud in there yeah loud enough put it that way and then i realized she's saying could you speed it up please oh speed she's asking not for an artist or a song or a genre of music. No. She's asking for the tempo of the music to increase. So she's not saying, can you put a faster song on with an upbeat tempo? She's saying, can you make the revolutions of the songs you're playing? No, she's saying play more faster music.

Oh, she is. She's not like saying, can you just switch it up? She's not saying put it this. Yeah. But anyway, so I was like, I was, I was ready to like you. You know, I was ready to like you. I was ready to think, okay, you had something constructive to say. Now I fucking hate you.

Immediately I hate you. And I was like, what? Make it faster? That's weird. I kept saying, that's weird. That's weird. And she just looked at me. And I was like, oh, the speed.

And she was like, yeah. And she kept licking her lips and going, hmm. She looked like she was on speed. She might have been on speed. Maybe she was asking for speed. Maybe her English is bad. I was like yeah and she kept licking her lips and going she looked like she was on speed she might have been on speed maybe she was asking for speed yeah maybe her English is bad I was like what techno she's like no I like rock

but more fast rock more fast rock I'm just like just go just go just fuck off out of my sight love she kept doing taking these selfies

oh no her and her mates where she'd gurn you could I could see her gurning her face up yeah duck face doing the worst duck face and also her putting her neck back Her and her mates, where she'd gurn. I could see her gurning her face up. Yeah. Duck face.

Doing the worst duck face. And also her putting her neck back at like a 90 degree angle. So she's basically taking a picture of her head against the floor. What the fuck? It's like extreme selfies. Yeah. So did she take that and just leave quietly? Or was it a whole thing?

Yeah, she hung out. They always do. When they go, look, this is terrible. No one's dancing. You just go, no, look, behind you whole thing? Yeah, she hung out. They always do. When they go, look, this is terrible. No one's dancing. You just go, no, look, behind you, everyone else in the club is dancing. You are fucking complaining. And then she was dancing, yeah.

Obviously, it was fast enough for her after that. Do you ever think, though, you take the wrong track? Because I keep saying to you, your problem is you say no to these people too much. You should just say yes and get rid of them. I do do sometimes do that. Yeah, because I think if you just say yes... I do do that. Yeah, because i think if you just say yes i do do that yeah but like for instance imagine in the future your your kids come

up to you and say daddy how did you meet mommy you should say she came up to me at a dance club i was playing some music she said can you play faster and he went you know yes and then you got dancing yeah i didn't like her i don't like anyone who's that stupid. Wow. But they're also drunk and stuff. You have to have allowances for that. Never in my life, Paul, have I been in a club and thought, I don't like this song. I'll go and ask for them to change the general tempo of the music. Do you know what I mean?

No, it's not a call-in radio station. You know what I mean? I'm doing a job here, and you're, you know, don't wave your hand. Yeah, I know, Paul. The thing is, I thought that Stenson was going to say, I've never, when I'm working, been drunk. And I was like, no, that's not true either. I have been drunk, yes.

You all mostly inebriated come three in the morning. Yeah, I do. But I'm, you know, since I started doing that kind of work, you learn, you learn the hard way. Not to get wracked. Yeah, because I used to, when I first started working that place, you get some free drinks. I just start drinking as soon as I got there.

Oh, I know. And then, by three in the morning, when the place shuts, you're not the good kind of drunk. No, what happens then? You're the I'm-going-to-have-trouble-getting-home kind of drunk. Yeah, and you turn into a boozy Beckick play, where there's silence, and obviously you go, I'm going to vomit. I'm going to vomit. Yeah, and then you don't really vomit, but then you hold yourself in a completely stasis, kind

of frozen moment. And I'm watching and you go, I've got a bump. And you never do. And then you eventually do. Yeah. It's terrible. Yeah. What a terrible drug.

Booze. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I mean, I get it. It's awful. It makes you feel like awful. But I've just realised if I'm going to get drunk, I will find that moment where I know I'm getting wobbly.

You know, when you get tipsy and you start like, your mouth to get drunk, I will find that moment where I know I'm getting wobbly. You know, when you get tipsy and you start, like, your mouth starts being more... I don't know how to explain it, but, like, it's harder to talk when you start drinking. Yes. That's my cut-off point, because I know any drink after that is going to make me feel awful the next day.

Sickie, sick, sick. Anyway, that is my... Tales from the Downsville. Floor, floor, floor, floor. That was a good one. It wasn't bad. It was all right. I mean, it's the same basic story of a woman comes up to you with a request,

and then you say, fuck off. Or, go away, and you say, I hate you. I mean, there's a definite... It's got a basic format. That's what people want. That's what our listeners want. They want a basic format. I want a twist where it's like...

And then we were married, him. Yeah. Reader, we married. Or even just, you know, you put on fleetwood mac in the end you know i do sometimes i don't put on fleetwood mac but i have if you had to put on a fleetwood mac song to appease their rabid desires what would you play in that context if it was to appease them it would have to be riannon i don't know that one or you can go your own way you can go your own way that's beautiful paul beautiful uh or do you know what would be an interesting one to play?

What's that one? Can you hear me calling? How's your name? Yeah, that. But in fact, did you know that Fleetwood Mac were like a 60s sort of blues rock group? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Peter Green, who was a genius player. I like that stuff.

I would, obviously, but that's really good. Right, should we just move on at this point? Well, yes, let's move on. Let's just move on. Okay, then, Paul. So, we're back. Back in the room. What's happening?

So, I've got a feature. I've got a news story to talk about. It's very exciting. So, you know how I'm a kind of fan of, like, those shows Toy Hunter and Comic Book Men, where they talk about you know things that you had as a child

now they're worth maybe a little bit of something you know comic books or action figures worth less than the Toy Hunter's going to pay you for basically yeah

more rather well it depends on what you've got but Metro a newspaper in London a free newspaper did an article recently it's not only in London

is it not it's nationwide oh you're right I've seen it in Liverpool and Manchester. They've got it in Brighton. Yeah. They push that shit everywhere. Yeah.

Yesterday's news today. Yay. They should put that on the title. They shouldn't. Anyway, they did an article this year, a few months ago, actually a few weeks ago, called 11 Things You Had As A Child That Are Worth A Fortune Now. Oh, yeah. The thing is, I got some of these things. What I can tell you

is they're worth fucking nothing because they've been well played with. That's it. They're worth a fortune if they're as new in box. If they've never been enjoyed by a child. That's the point, isn't it? If your dad just went, look, that's going to be worth something someday, so look at it, look at it, and that's it.

I'm going to put it into the attic. You'd think, I hate you, Dad. Wouldn't you? Daddy, why can't I play with a with the game boy it's gonna be worth a lot of something in the morning just don't fucking take the back off it so i thought we'd go through the list see if you had any of them and talk about it okay so number one this is an interesting one to start off with because i thought this would be absolute shit vhs tapes yes they are becoming collectible yeah the article says they're pretty much useless in a world of digital downloads and Netflix, but their monetary worth, pretty staggering. Now, they're not talking about, you know, the kind of stuff you bought in a shop

to just record the sport off the telly or the movies on Christmas Day. Not blanks, no. No, they're talking about actual VHS releases, copies, stuff like that. The example they give is the most valuable vhs recording according to love antiques dot com is a film called frankenstein's castle of freaks that is now worth 1500 pounds yeah it's good that isn't it isn't that weird see now our friend yeah richard sandling richard sandling is a bit of a vhs expert he is a purveyor of it yeah yeah Yeah, and he saw those, that 20 most valuable ones. Oh, yeah.

And his comment was, yes, but even back in the day, these were quite rare and hard to get hold of. Well, that's the thing, isn't it? Do you see what I mean? So they kind of suggest, oh, you were swimming in all this money, but it wasn't actually that clear cut, you know? No, you'd think, oh, if I had the original VHS of Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, or the original Batman video, that must be worth something.

No, the problem with those two particular examples, even though I just gave them, is that they were huge sellers. Yes. I mean, they released unprecedentedly early onto the VHS market after the film came out. Really? Yeah, I mean, I think I might be wrong, but Robin Hood. About a year. That was the usual turnaround between the release of the film and the VHS about a year year i think robin hood prince of thieves was like three or four months oh it's really quick and it was these days quick yeah it was kind of crazy it was unprecedented at the time

the list of films they give you and they had that song in it everything i do i do it for you yes thank you beautiful singing today bro brian. Brian Adams. That song literally would not go away, would it? It was at the chart. 16 weeks. 16 weeks, yeah. It would never happen now. It couldn't happen now. It couldn't happen now.

They don't even have the charts these days. And I'll be honest, kind of thankful. Yes. Because I don't want to fucking go, and number one for the 15th week running is everything I do. The amount of saturation on that was just... You know what fucking bugs me more than anything

else right regardless what you think about Brian Adams as a musician most people go oh you know Summer of 69 or whatever

it's like yeah rock the minute they have a massive hit with a ballad and that's all that band will do so Brian Adams

releases that and then all of a sudden he's doing that one from Three Musketeers you know he does a ballad for that fucking song

did he do a ballad for Three Musketeers I can't remember what the song was called so he's now his staple is ballad from period action drama well not anymore because it was the 90s we're talking about but like you look at bon jovi uh you know he did he released always i will love you always always or whatever that song and then after that ballad after ballad aerosmith one of the hardest rockers of the 80s

right oh yeah did Armageddon what's that song could you be diddle-oo diddle-oo the most beautiful

girl that's not Aerosmith I know it just came into my head I can't remember right now no it's that one where she's snogging her dad

no she's not snogging her dad it's Liv Tyler her dad's singing while she's snogging someone that's what it is what's that song no don't tell me snogging someone that's what it is yeah what's that song

no don't tell me do not tell me I know what it is I'm gonna look it up but do not tell me I won't look it up okay don't fucking ruin this for me Paul

alright I'm not gonna alright I've got it yeah now I remember it it's like okay it is I Will Always Love You no that's Whitney Houston

and I will love you. It is... Oh, just tell me. You've got to kick yourself, because I kick myself internally. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to miss a thing.

I don't want to close my eyes. I've got to take my colon medicine. I've got to take it regular. Anyway, to cut a long story short... Oh, and I don't want to miss that. Yeah, basically bands do that, don't they? They release a load of ballads and then they peter out professionally. Well, but then you've got Westlife, who literally their whole career from beginning to end was ballads.

Nothing but weakest piss ballads. Yeah, where they sit on a fucking bench or a stool. They've all got their own stool. I'm flying without wings. It's called falling, mate. Yeah. Not the same thing at all. Anyway, here's the list of

videos that they have on this metro site so frankenstein's castle of threaks uh 1500 pound tell me if you've seen any of these films by the way i think i may have the beast in heat horrifying experiments in the last days of the ss wow that's worth 1200 pound who fucking wants to pay for that does it have to be in good quality? I guess it doesn't. I'd imagine so, but obviously if they're rare and they're exploitative kind of B-movie things, there are collectors for that shit.

Yeah. Because they're not on DVD, they're not on Netflix, the copyright's fallen away, and so these are kind of, I mean, you say rare objet d'art, but they're awful fucking films. Farewell Africa, the most startling motion picture achievement in the history of filmmaking, consumed by savagery,

conceived in blood. Oh, it's like one of these Mondo sort of African ladies with their bits out for the titillation of Westerners. Yeah, and they call it art. Yeah. That's worth 600 quid. Yeah, it's a lot of kind of black-sploitation,

you know, Oz-sploitation stuff. The Legend of Hillbilly John, £1,000, from the ghostly Hawk Mountain, this eerie story of witches, voodoo, devils and monsters. And there's a guy running with a guitar. You know what someone should do on YouTube?

They should do like a whole, all of those films. You know what? I would not be surprised if someone's already gone on top of that and is, you know, doing it. Gone on top of that and is doing it. I was reading and talking to you at the same time i'm basically saying someone's already done that idea on it they're on it yeah and they're doing it yeah okay good okay so what's what else what might i have at home that um all right okay so the next one on the list is your super soaker what apparently super soakers um one that was made in 1990, a classic. It's worth £123 currently on eBay.

The guy who created that, though, worked for NASA. And apparently, he was coming up with some kind of way of... Drinking water in space? No. You know, like fuel injection cables. Have to fire that quickly down a hose or whatever. It's rocket fuel injection in rockets. Because there's no gravity in space, so you can't rely on

gravity to move that thing, so you have to inject it. The Super Soaker came from that design. I did not know that. Yeah, there you go. But that guy's very rich. Also the same guy

who created Nerf guns. Is it the same guy? I think so, yeah. Nerf and Super Soaker sprang from the same genius mind. From the same genius man, yeah. So, my friend Virgil,

we used to have big Super Soaker sessions. In fact, we once... Two men. Two young boys exploring each other. Exploring. Spray. Shut up.

But then Virgil started driving and we got the bright idea to go around super soaker. What, drive by super soaker? Basically, yeah. It didn't last long because the police stopped us. Of course, yeah. Quite rightly't last long because the police stopped of course yeah quite rightly too and the police had a very stern word with us did you shit your pants i wasn't happy we did a whole bus stop and so forth but um basically the police said not unreasonably yeah this could be urine i mean you know it's not but it could be

good point yeah you'd assume it was urine these days. You know, in the cynical age we live in, if you got sprayed from a moving vehicle, you'd assume. You'd assume the worst, wouldn't you? Yeah. Because you just can't trust people these days. It was a halcyon age of innocence. Me and my friend squirting people out of cars.

He had a VW Beetle truddling along. Japes. Japes. Childhood Japes. Japes. Childhood Japes. Anyway, if you've got a Super Soaker, it's in good nick. 120 quid.

Not too bad for a piece of plastic. They were quite expensive at the time. They still are quite expensive at this time. Yeah, God, they're quite costly.

30, 40 quid, something like that. You can probably get a cheap one for about, you know, a tenner. You don't want a cheap one. You want one you can pump action with a

fucking thing on the back. You're in Virgil pumping your fucking guns and spraying passes by outside your VW Beetle. You sound like one of those VHSs. Yes. All right, here's the next one. Okay, here's the next one on the list. I'll give you a little clue.

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Game Boy, only from Nintendo. Now you're playing with power. Portable power. So, Game Boys are worth something. Game Boys, apparently. Here's a story. If you have, and again, it's very particular, a wrapped, sealed, original Game Boy from 1988, 89?

Yeah. It will get you at least a grand on eBay. Really? Yeah. But it has to be unopened. It would have to be one of those Game Boys that was unloved and unused. Just someone... I wanted a Game Boy so badly when I was a kid. Virgil had two. Of course he fucking did. Rich Virgil with his superstar daddy. Just someone. I wanted a Game Boy so badly when I was a kid. Virgil had two.

Of course he fucking did. Rich Virgil with his superstar daddy. He did. Of course he fucking did. Virgil, you're a prick. With your car and your super soakers. They had a VH, they had a Beater. Like a Beater.

Beater Max. Yeah. Yeah. Years before anyone. Laser disc. They had a laser disc. You make me sick, Virgil. I know he listens, so I'll be personal.

Yeah, and he had Game Boys, yeah. Well, here's the story. Okay, so obviously, poor family, me, Boohoo, really couldn't afford a Game Boy. Well, how much were they when they came out? I think about 100 quid. Wow. 89 to maybe 99 quid in that bracket.

Yeah, but that's a lot. It was a lot, but still affordable. Because you're looking at the original NES, and that must have been closer to £100, I think, when you bought that originally. So £100 for a Game Boy is not that bad in the broader look of things, right? But still, in 88, that's considerable more than it is now.

It's like equivalent to about £300 now, isn't it? Probably something like that. I mean, the 3DS that comes out, that goes for about £180. But they're selling those on a loss because they're making the money on the software yes nintendo anyway the point being is that poor family couple of kids mum really couldn't afford to get me a game boy so i hate to go to school and seeing kids with game boys playing like right you know zelda or super mario and i was like i mean i wanted one so bad um andvers, they're the cheesy crisps.

Mate, of course. Of course you do. They're in my top five. Yeah, they... I had a pack the other day. Yeah. They're good. They are good.

One of those crisps that keep... Giving. Yeah. They're not like, you know, you have like a pickled onion Monster Munch these days. You're just like, that's not fucking right. That's just not fucking right. Quavers are satisfying in a way that only they still are they still are yeah so anyway um

frazzles we're not talking about chris don't you you hate talking about chris i like chris you have to talk about chris too much time or the place all right i like crisps all right good anyway the point being is that quavers had a thing where a a competition where, you could win a Game Boy. If you opened, you know, it had crisps and then you got a little card inside and you opened it up and it said, you win or you lose. That summer... Was this like your Willy Wonka moment? Yeah, it was the golden ticket moment. Except, you know, like in Willy Wonka, he eventually finds the golden ticket and it seems to come true.

Yeah. It didn't happen for me. It never did. It never happened for me. I ate so many fucking packets of crisps over that summer. Was it only Quavers? Only Quavers. Because that summer only Quavers as good as Quavers are you want a break

every now and then I didn't give myself that break my mum would be like where's your pocket money gone and then my bag would rustle with a pack of like a hundred bag of Quavers eat some food Paul I can't I must win a game boy and also the problem

with Quavers is you eat them with your fingers. After a while, your fingers do smell like they've been up your anus. Yeah. Cheesy, cheesy Quaver finger. So I stunk at school. Not only did you not have a Game Boy, but you stunk too. I'm black and cheesy crisps. So fast forward two years, finally got a Game Boy for Christmas.

Best Christmas ever. Mum got me Tetris because it came with it. That's amazing. Tetris was the game that sold the console. I don't think I've ever experienced gameplay that addictive, before or since. No, and that was the game that sold the system. Mate, you'd play it for three hours straight, then you'd try and go to bed and you'd literally have dreams. Have Tetris dreams, yeah.

You'd be literally moving blocks around in your abstract brain space. They use Tetris for people who've survived traumatic experiences, like car crashes or whatever. Yes. Because they reckon if they play that, the whole Tetris dream thing starts replacing the negative memories you have. Yes, I've heard about that. It's an interesting thing.

I don't know all the details, but that was the gist of it. Anyway, so, yeah, you can get £1,000 on eBay for that. But if you've got a used one, you could sell it for maybe about 50 quid, if it's in good nick. Well, I've got Game Boy Color, I think. I have about 50 quid if it's in good nick well I've got Game Boy Color I have one of each model so far

you do don't you I have a Game Boy Game Boy Micro Game Boy Pocket Game Boy Advance you're overcompensating for those two years when you have no

fucking ideas Game Boy Micro 3DS original model 2DS and also that was like completing Super Mario Super Mario Land

yeah I completed it. Yeah. And wow. You know, back in those days, you know, you had to complete it. For me. No one's going to fucking sell you something to help you complete it. No one's going to, you know.

There wasn't magazines that gave you guides. Had cheats. We didn't need them. No. The hardcore didn't. It was a frontier. For me, the four games that defined my Game Boy experience was Tetris, Super Mario Land, DuckTales, which is mwah, and Zelda Link's Awakening, which I still contest today is my favourite Link game of all time.

My favourite Zelda game. Zelda game, yeah. I just love it. It's so quirky and unique and beautiful and simple. Anyway, Game Boy. We'll move on. There's a few more here. Pokemon cards.

Do you give a fuck about Pokemon? No, fuck that. However, if you get a first generation Charles charizard card charizard um that's worth around two thousand five hundred dollars on uber and that's about 1755 what about pogs i've got some of those uh pogs are worth nothing absolutely nothing really next one beanie babies here's an interesting one as well uh beanie babies not on the list but absolutely worthless now yeah all the fuss that was made about them. It was like everyone's going to invest in Beanie Babies.

People did. People put way too much money. Yeah. And they've got like a whole garage full of just completely useless. Mouldy rags. Shaped like fucking dogs. Yeah. Or biscuits.

I don't know. Mouldy dog rag. Yeah, fuck them. Idiots. Here's another one, interestingly. Old cereal boxes. Well, see, this is ephemera. Ephemera. Vintage cornflakes. It's another one, interestingly. Old cereal boxes. Well, see, this is ephemera. Ephemera.

Vintage cornflakes, it's that whole nostalgia thing. Because it's just anything that people would not think to keep. Someone sold a Kellogg's box on eBay for 320 quid. Nice. An 80s brand. An 80s one, yeah. Yeah. And I guess if you've got a rarer box, that maybe has gone out of fashion. Like, for instance, in the 80s, especially in America, they sold a lot of things like Ghostbusters cereal

or Mr. T cereal. Yes. Boxes of that, sometimes even sealed and untouched, would sell for, you know, $50, $60, $70, something like that. They're very good. Well, I've got those Ghostbusters transfers. They came in shreddies, didn't they? Yeah, they did. I've also got some High Five drink Ghostbusters holograms

that I foolishly tore out and stuck on an exercise book. So that was my mistake, but I still got them. Yeah, they're there. Anyway, number six on the list. We're rattling through this now because we're going off on a massive fucking tangent. Oh, sorry.

My Little Pony. My Little Pony. Skinny and brony. I am a brony. Made out of plastic. I'm wanking my bony as I think of the pony. You really stroke your dick

when you're thinking about My Little Pony toys? Well, they must, those brony guys. I don't know if they do. What, it's a way of them to negate having to think about how horny they are? There are probably guys who are into My Little Pony who take out the stitching on, you know, Twinkle Bell Pony and fuck it. And just fuck it.

Well, they're plushies. They're people who are into plush furries. There's all sorts of perversions around that area, isn't there? Yeah. And that's the problem. It's like some girls would go to my little pony conferences. You know, it's got a whole new resurgence with the revamped cartoon. Yeah.

I find out that there's barely like 20 girls and like 5,000 guys there. Yeah. Well, I think guys are more into just being geeks and nerds, generally. I don't know. There's a documentary on Netflix called Bronies which is all about that. Just weird. Just get away from me.

That's what I'd say to them. Hey Brony. Hey Brony. Step back. Go fuck a horse or something. I'll watch you know

some grown up stuff. I'll fucking watch a man fuck a proper horse. Thank you very much on YouTube. That's what I'll do. Not your animated shit for kids

Yeah Real horses for me mate Yeah Please come and arrest us both My Little Pony's original ones Certainly can get up to 50 quid Not all that much But if you've got a dream house

I went with the dream house I bet you did My sisters You see my sisters Yeah Were into it And I was not I liked Thundercats or whatever

You know Thunder, thunder, thunder, thundercats. It did not go like that. It did. He went, how did schnaff? Schnaff. Lionel. This is just turning into a mess.

Lionel. Schnaff. Fuck off. Fuck off, Schnaff. That's what Lionel must have been like. Yeah. Schnaff. Drop it.

Drop it. Drop the level. You're not a Smurf. You don't need to say Smurf this, Smurf that. Do you remember the real Schmoo? Like the new Schmoo. The new Schmoo. Yeah.

Not the real Schmoo, sorry. There was a Schmoo show, then there was the new Schmoo. I only came to it when it was the new Schmoo. Yeah, because Hanna-Barbera would just put the word new in front of nearly every new series or something. Do you remember Squidly Diddly? I do remember Squidly Diddly, and I remember also Captain Caveman. I love Captain Caveman. Captain Caveman is the perfect one for me. Captain! diddly diddly i do remember squidly diddly and i remember also captain caveman and i love captain

caveman captain caveman is the perfect one for me here's a two-foot hairy angry angry hairy guy surrounded by beautiful women he just drives around crazy and then just is allowed these blah you know he's um the only real difference between you and him is the whole surrounded by beautiful women part of the story yes and i don't don't have a van, or ever. Or solve crime. Or do anything, really. I've got a big club that grows. Right, moving on. Next one on the list

is Tamagotchi. Remember those? I do. Alright, here is the advert for that. By the way, it's obnoxious. Tamagotchi

Friends Need love and care Girl or boy Take her anywhere You can feed, play and take care of your Tamagotchi Bump, bump Connect you to me What's the fucking point of that? Tamagotchi! Hooray! Check out TamagotchiFriends.com for even more cool stuff. Tamagotchi Friends from Bandai. What's the fucking point of that? That is quite obnoxious, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, Tamagotchis were those virtual pets. Yeah, it's like feed the pet. Fuck it. Fuck it. How about that? I mean, don't fuck the Tamagotchi, but just blow it out. Don't blow it. Ignore it.

Ignore it. Just put it away. Just fucking shut up, Tamagotchi. I really wanted one when they first came out, which I the mid i was intrigued and i put what so you just basically it's like an alarm clock essentially that keeps buzzing yeah it's basically across an alarm clock and a needy child yeah but you can't just go actually shut up tamagotchi i'm watching the opera can you you can't get that it's a fucking nightmare Yeah And the ad's really annoying He's like You know what that ad reminded me of

No That Billy Piper song Because we want to Because we want to Why do you want to play that song so loud Because I want to Because I want to Yeah

They pop it out of fashion If you have an original generation Tamagotchi You can rack up over 100 quid for one online. It's like a little keychain. It's all it is, a keychain with a virtual baby and it goes,

feed me, clean my arse because I've just shat. It does not say that. There's a little icon on there that looks like a little poo and when it lights up, you have to clean its bot bot.

You do. And it tells you when it's hungry and when it wants to play and you play little mini games and then eventually it dies and the child is traumatised until they press the reset button and go all over when it's hungry, when it wants to play, and you play little mini games, and then eventually it dies, and the child is traumatized until they press the reset button

and go all over again. Similarly speaking, Digimon is also a thing. That was the same? Yeah. It's basically the same shit, but with more of a Pokemon edge to it. Old Lego is number nine on the list.

In 2007, they brought out a Ultimate Collector's Millennium Falcon, right? Lego. Lego. Lego. So, big thing. That now goes for, have a guess.

£400, £500? It was probably sold originally for about £400, £500. What? Yeah. I mean, the Ghostbusters Firehouse that I want. Yeah. Brand new. That's still £300.

I know. It's Lego. I know. You have to fucking make it yourself. I know, but. That's a pain in the ass. Yeah. I know. You have to fucking make it yourself. I know, but... That's a pain in the ass. Yeah. Anyway, if you wanted to get that Millennium Falcon...

That's how I'm saying ass from now on, by the way. Good. I approve. Ass. If you want to get it on Amazon... Ooh, me ass. Right, calm down, dude. Dickhead.

If you want to buy that Millennium Falcon on Amazon, it will set you back £4,000. Shit. Shit. But it'd have to be new,000. Shit. Shit. But it'd have to be new in box. Probably. Frankly, I never want to spend that much on Lego at all. On this subject, you know my... I told you about my friend who collects Star Wars figures.

Yeah. And he was trying to get the last 17. Oh, yeah. Has he got them? He's got Snaggletooth now. Oh, you need to go see a doctor about that. Is that your IBS? Yeah, it is. I'm getting very nervous. Yeah. No. Yeah, he's got Snagg doctor about that. Is that your IBS? Yeah, it is.

I'm getting very nervous. Yeah. No. Yeah, he's got a snaggle tooth now. That's excellent. So how many has he got to go? 16? I don't know.

He's got them all, I think, actually. Oh, wow. But he doesn't buy them in box. He buys them sort of... Just loose or in a collector's bag. Yeah, but they're still like 300, 400 pounds, you know. Yeah. Anyway, the last one on the list, number 10, is easy bake ovens.

What's an easy bake oven? It's an oven for kids that bake shit it actually bakes stuff yeah it's a big it's a big in america eyeballs well that's one of the problems of the earlier models is that they would basically set fire to you or you know well because okay for instance back in the day you could buy like certainly in the 50s and 60s in america you could buy atomic science kits that had actual fucking uranium you know um they're nuts crazy easy bake ovens things like that came from the same thing was like let's just take an oven or basically a metal box with a really hot lamp in and when you can make little cookies in it or biscuits or little things like that you know i

mean it's just a little like a little kitchen kind of little oven a classic easy bake oven and these go back to like the 50s these toys some of them can get over 500 pounds on amazon even a modern version which you know are now safety checked and have different things going on in them cost around 40 quid on amazon i mean they're fascinating toys because there's a guy on youtube who does a website called i think it's called penny arcade toys or lucky penny whatever it is it's definitely penny and he buys toys vintage and classic and then opens them plays with them

and gets them all out he has so many different types of easy bake ovens that he gets out and makes recipes so was it not one company

it was the patent was passed around I think it was passed around to different companies over time but like even

Pizza Hut had an easy bake oven where you can make easy bake pizzas and there comes a little you know slimy thing are they shitty

are they fucking Pizza Hut this is you little, you know, slimy thing and you just throw it in. Well, I mean, like... And a fucking pizza hut. Do you... This is... You know what? You know some people believe that Mandela died in prison? Wow, that's really a weird segue. You know that...

You say he died in an easy-baked oven. No, and that... You know, these people think there's a glitch in the Matrix because everyone remembers, but it's not the way it actually happened, but everyone remembers. Right.

You know, and like those bears, the Berenstain bears. Yeah. And everyone remembers, but it's not the way it actually happened, but everyone remembers. Right. You know, and like those bears, the Berenstain bears. Yeah. And everyone remembers them not being called the Berenstain bears. Right. And so that's a clue. How, just one note, how is this related to Pizza Hut? No one remembers. Pizza Hut were going to change their name in the UK to Pasta Hut.

Do you remember that? How the fuck have you gotten from Nelson Mandela to Pasta Hut? Look, I'll explain it to you, Paul. You're not following this, right? I am following this. I just don't see how your brain works. It's my Mandela died in prison moment. Right.

Do you see what I mean? Our Berenstain Bears used to be called the Berenstain Bears or whatever. Yeah, that Disney thing because it was a Disney ride or something, wasn't it?

No. There were these kids books called the Berenstain Bears. A lot of people don't remember how they were spelt but because we live in an age of absolute moronacy yeah they think that that is a glitch in the matrix or that is proof that we live in a an alternate reality you know and same with people who seem to remember that nelson mandela died in prison when in fact he didn't uh berenstain Bears conspiracy proof. There you go.

Let's just listen to this. Somewhere deep in bear country Lives a Berenstain Bear family The Berenstain Bears Small bit of news just in. Parallel universes exist and we're living in a different one than we did in our childhoods. I don't know if you guys heard, but apparently at some point in the last decade or so, a large number of us got shifted to a parallel universe and the Berenstain Bears proved that. What? I thought you were talking bullshit. This is an actual thing Yeah, all right. Let's investigate more this goes on for about four minutes. We might take a big big big segue

Apo writer and do parallel universes exist? Sure, but are some of us actually from a parallel universe and somehow got shifted into this one. That's a much bigger question Let's find out. This is hashtag news Are some of us actually from a parallel universe and somehow got shifted into this one? That's a much bigger question. Let's find out. This is Hashtag News. This is Hashtag News. I'm a very cute. I'm a T.

I'm a T-spec. Respect my authority. I'm a T-spec. Anyway, I'll let them go on. Now we all remember the lovable Berenstain Bears of our youth. That furry nuclear family with wholesome all-American names like Papa, Mama, Sister, Brother. Very creative. But it's their other name that's causing all this controversy.

Apparently, everyone remembers that it's spelled Berenstein, E-I-N, but according to the publisher and writers, it's never been spelled that way. It's always been Berenstain, A-I-N. How does that prove we're in a different fucking universe, then? Because everyone remembers it as something that it's not. Right, let's see what they say. If you spell it E-I-N, if so, you're like most people. If you spell it A-I-N, then you're clearly part of the cover-up. Now, some people have noticed this strange phenomenon before,

but rapper, producer, and admitted pothead LP stumbled across this crazy idea and brought it back into life. It says on the video, LP has put a tweet saying, I will not be fooled by the Berlimati. Pothead. Pothead. Pothead. Anyway. Anyway. Can we stop with this now?

No, no, let's play it through. Berenstein Bear Theory, as it's known, posits that at some point in the last 10 years, our universe crossed over with an alternate parallel universe where the bear family name is known as Stain, not Steen. Now, it's not just low-level rappers that are pushing this idea. A graduate student of physics put some elbow grease into really trying to show that reality

has been tampered with, and history has been retroactively changed. He claims that somehow our universe rotated by pi over two, kind of like 90 degrees, and while most things line up, just some things are different, like the spelling of these beloved bears' last names. Now, as for me, personally,

I do remember it being Berenstein. I mean, it just makes sense. There are so many famous Steens. Einstein, Frankenstein, R.L. Steen. That's not how you say those. Okay, nice try, but I can only handle one conspiracy theory at a time, please. Just fucking tell me the news, you wanker. Exactly.

You asked for this. I'd want to know more. I've not heard about this. This is blowing my tiny little mind. It's not. It's a load of crap. All right, well, let's see where it goes. So if that's not their last name, then what is real? Now, if you go do

your homework, look at the pictures of the book covers. They all show the name as Berenstain with an A, and the TV show confirms this. The Berenstain Bears. The Berenstain Bears. Though her accent doesn't help clear any of this up. But there is some evidence of a possible Berenstein past

and subsequent cover. A Reddit user claims to have pictures of lots of evidence, but for some reason his posts have been mysteriously deleted. Another piece of evidence, a TV guide from the 1980s, and a few other instances of the EIN spelling. Now, while some may say that the Reddit user is lying, the pictures are photoshopped, and that the other stuff could just simply be typos,

I think that they're probably right. And if they really were rewriting Berenstain history, I think they probably would have gone back and erased this blatantly racist book where Papa Bear hates pandas. See that fucking sign on the door? No pandas. No pandas, no faggots, no dogs.

No koalas. I don't want a dirty koala stinking of eucalyptus. No, what? It's their eyes. They're black eyes. It's the bamboo. It's the stink. All the bamboo sh. It's the bamboo. They stink. All the bamboo shavings

leaving them around. Filthy. Fucking druggies. Wankers. So what was my Berenstain moment? You said it was when people didn't remember

Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut was going to be called I've never heard of this by the way. Pasta Hut. And it was an article in the newspaper

and everything and I thought, oh that's strange because they were trying to reposition themselves into a healthier sort of you know uh just so you know I have proof of this on YouTube would you believe listen to this Pizza Hut introduces something so big it will change everything. Pasta Hut.

It doesn't say it in the outfit, but it says it on the screen. So there, I'm vindicated. We're living in a different reality. A one where they didn't go with Pasta Hut. Here's the thing, though. If that's true, if you are right, if this is all correct, the Berenstein, Barrenstein, whatever. Mandela died in prison.

How would we know? We live in a parallel universe. We would now have record of that past We wouldn't, that's exactly right But we remember No, but we don't because it's proof online Yeah, it's bullshit It is bullshit Obvious bullshit

All I can say from this whole section Which was meant to be a quick, breezy Easy to digest top ten of things that you owned as a kid Has gone off on so many fucking tangents Sorry From Gura Smith I'm sorry, I've got a magpie brain. Well...

Is that magpie? Is that right? I don't know. All I know is that... Let's talk about bird metaphors. No, let's just basically... What's the last one on the flipping list? That's it. That was it. Beezy Bake Ovens.

I wonder how much Berenstain Bears books cost. Do you want me to find out? No, not really. Let's move on with Cheat Show. Oh, my God. What a waste of fucking time this whole section was. Anyway, if you've got old toys, look, you know. Let's move on with Cheat Show. Oh, my God. What a waste of fucking time this whole section was. Anyway, if you've got old toys,

look in your attic, you might find that they're worth something. Although, if you have got something in your attic that's worth something, it means you didn't love it as a child.

You didn't play with it. You're some kind of weird, cold, antiseptic. Yeah. Well, get the gloves out and look at the old toys that no child has ever enjoyed. No one must touch my Sylvanian family playset for I am Lord. Don't look at the old toys that no child has ever enjoyed. No one must touch my Sylvanian

family playset, for I am Lord. Don't look at it. When you look, make an observation. It changes the material of the physical universe. Conspiracy! Right, after all that, it's now time for one of my favourite parts of the show. What's that,

Paul? It's the price of shite That's right And I've got a new New wave Electropop style jingle Oh fuck Alright Okay

Because your last one Last time sounded like Jimmy Savile having a wank Which is an achievement Yes Yeah You ready? Yeah

Oh Great It's really I really like it It's short Don't really like it. It's short. Don't fucking interrupt me. Alright, okay. Oh.

What's the price? The price of the shite! Right, okay. Couple of questions. Eh? First of all, that's shit. Secondly, um... Shite.

Shite. Secondly, you said it was kind of an electro-80s thing. You can just put some computer noises in after. You do it again, and I'll do the electro music right now. What's the price? The price of my shite! You know what? Now it's got a bit of electro on the background, I like it.

Yeah. I do like it. Anyway, okay, three items. You know the rules, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Three items of shite. Let's hit it. First item. Yeah. Three items of shite. Let's hit it. First item.

Yeah. First item here. He's got a little bag with him. A little bag of tat. Got some lovely shite in here. Ooh, what's this? Now, this is a plateau hors d'oeuvres. Show that, I can't see.

Ooh. It's a plateau horse horse derves you just don't get horse derves these days do you horse derves this is so 70s isn't it the box is brown

I mean obviously the pictures we'll put up on the website of that company this episode plateau and I'll just give you a little translation yeah

plate for nibbles ooh it's a specialist nibbles plate I had a friend who had a budgie called nibbles once let me tell you this story right so you know specialist nibbles plate I had a friend who had a budgie called nibbles once

let me tell you this story right so you know like some yeah you know some some budgies can talk

or they can they can mimic yeah so he had this budgie they can't actually talk I know but you know what I'm getting at

he had this budgie for a year he called it nibbles and every day right he'd say say nibbles nibbles say nibbles nibbles for hours yeah and for a year nothing and then one day i was staying over here for the weekend and we're having cereal and i'll chat and he's going say nibbles say nibbles and i'm like i'm getting tired of this yeah anyway toward the end of the breakfast

the cage kind of flutters around the bird flutters around and then it goes and dies. Really? Yeah, died right there and then. God, that laugh is evil. He was traumatised. He would be. But I genuinely thought it was hilarious.

It's quite sweet, isn't it? Well, it's kind of like... At least he got nibbles out before... I don't know. It sounded more like a fuck you. Really? Nibbles? Yeah, you know, like when a suicide bomber has it, or someone has had enough, and they go out in a really spectacular way.

It felt like that, like the bill was just like, fuck you, mate. I'm off. Anyway, sorry. Halls. Ball of nibbles. Halls Dervs. Plateau Halls Dervs. Now, this is by a company, made by a company called Luxem.

Ooh, nice. It's got the word Lux in there. It says on the side. It's in a lovely brown... Lovely brown 70s kind of... Box. You've got the box there, so that will affect the price. What does it say on the side there? There's a little bit of writing on one of the edges.

One plateau. Yeah. Three compartiments. Nice. One relish tray. Relish? Yes. It's made in France by Veropa. Oh, okay. It's the Luxem is the brand. It is a French item. And it has the box. It is a French item and it has the box. So all of these are going to affect the price when you get a guest. Have you used this yet?

No. So you haven't put your relish in it yet. I haven't dunked my relish in there. It's so immature. I'm really immature. Now look at this. This is quite nice. It's got like a crystal design on the bottom.

It's nice. I will say that. Like a snowflake kind crystal design on the bottom. It's nice. I will say that. Like a snowflake kind of design on the bottom. Yeah. And then it's like two inches deep, maybe. And then you've got a sort of... Split compartment. Rather similar to the CND symbol or the...

Can I have a look up close with this? The C on D symbol or the Mercedes-Benz badge. It's split in that way into three. Is it glass crystal or is it just glass? I think it's just glass. Yeah, I don't know what the difference is. It looks like, first of all, when they handed this in, didn't really clean it first because it looks like it has been used

as an ashtray in its past. It certainly does. It's got the markings of fag ends dabbed deeply into the glass. Yeah, look at that bit. There's like a little kind of black smudge that looks like it. It's been an ashtray. Yeah. Which is disrespectful because that is obviously not an ashtray yeah which is disrespectful

because that is obviously not an ashtray it's a plateau deserves out of interest because you're keeping this you'll be using this as an ashtray no i won't you're going to be putting your relish in one compartment i'm going to be compartmentalizing my nibbles now it's nice actually it's not let me ask you paul yes you've got the triumvirate of bar snacks or whatever you like pretzels peanuts uh and in the third compartment i don't know it's an interesting question maybe i personally i would put uh cheese uh those cheese square things you know cheese shapes what you mean those the walkers cheese moments no you're not the little like biscuits but they're very cheesy oh like cheddars yeah like little tiny mini cheddars maybe yes okay so what you are so

full of shit you're so backward why is that backwards look what did you say peanuts peanuts well that's all right yeah get to pass is there a particular type of peanut i should be putting in i mean i thought salted is the i like a salted peanut but you know what you know i've been getting into in my later years as i mature as a peanut eater? Horse pornography, apparently. You can get these kind of roasted salted peanuts, but they have the skin on. Do you know what the ones are made of? In the same way like a pistachio has its kind of little crispy, not the shell itself, but the crispy skin. They're good.

They're really good. So they're roasted and salted, but they've got the skin. And it's a bit salty, flaky. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very nice. So that's in one compartment. What are you putting in the other two?

I would have some wasabi peas. See, let's take this up a class level. See, I was just thinking, you know, generic, safe, everyone's happy with it. Wasabi peas is an audience splitter. Yeah. You know, it's going to get people to either go, what a waste, you know. Well, I love them. I love them too. I'll have some wasabi peas in there. Yeah. You know, it's going to get people to either go, what a waste, you know. Well, I love them. I love them too.

I'll have some wasabi peas in there. Yeah. And what about, go with me, some little mini chorizos. Or some little tasting salamis. I don't know if you should mix your nuts with your meat. Anyhow, that is, it's beside the point. Yeah.

That is a lovely little... I like that. Yes. I like that. Now, that now um that's not the name of the game it's not called do you like the shite it is the price of shite so all right i'm gonna say now think of think of the the uh yeah the background here i'll just take you through it it has the box with it i know the box it's not in great nick it's on's in a range called Luxem. And it's French.

Right. Will you tell me where the charity shop was? Can you divulge that? Will it give it away? This was Raise My Voice Foundation, as usual. Oh, Raise My Voice! Yeah, the helium shop. Right.

I'm going to go ahead and say that that was £1.50. That's your final? That's my final. Shall we move on? We'll know at the end. What else have we got here now? This, I don't know how to describe it. Then try. It is...

Because it's an audio podcast and we need all the help we can get. It's some kind of ornamental plastic tile. Right. From Greece with a picture of a warrior A warrior? A warrior Oh a warrior Not someone going

Oh where's my bill No he may be a warrior He might be Well I'd worry if I had a penis that small But um What on the plaque I can't see There you go

Holy shiz What is That is like a fake Greek Hercules Thing What is that? It is like a fake Greek Hercules thing. What is that? It's like, it's difficult to actually define what that object is, isn't it?

Well, it's definitely a very small penis, put it that way, in terms of the drawing. So, what we've got, I'll just describe it to the listeners. Yeah, describe it. You've got a sort of fake wood effect plastic. With that kind of rectangle pattern. That has an ornamental sort of carving in it at the top. There will be a picture along with the podcast. Then you have a round sort of disc of see-through plastic

in the middle of this, depicting what I think is probably some kind of ancient Grecian myth or legend. With a warrior, there's a guy in a full suit of armour and he's getting speared by a naked bearded warrior who seems to be defending a lady. Well, this is the thing.

That man is nude and he's going up against a man in full armour. That man, regardless of what the picture shows, has balls. He has balls, but my God, they are the size of wasabi peanuts.

Yes, they are. This guy has a little pointy micro phallus. That's what I'm calling this episode. Pointy micro phallus. Honestly, I mean, you know, I know we've discussed, you know, how I'm not that into like my own penis. But that guy, come on. That, Matt, I mean, the thing is he makes up for it in beard. In fact, actually, if that little drawing put on a few stone, it would look just like you. Shut up. that guy come on that Matt I mean the thing is he makes up for it in beard in fact actually

if that little drawing put on a few stone it would look just like you it would just put a little bit of a gut on it I don't

what I don't understand is what it's for because you see at the very top there's a little nublet a kind of little yes there's a little

nublet at the top a little handle thing does that connect into something no I'll tell you now this will help with the with the pricing With the pricing.

With the pricing. Yeah. There were six of them. And you only bought one? I bought one. They didn't sound as upset. She did offer me a price for the set. So does that mean the little thing that it... No, they're all exactly the same shape. So you'd have them sort of all in a row, I think.

It looks to me like it's some kind of coaster maybe yes that's what it is it's a coaster isn't it it's it's very weird it's an awful awful thing this is proper shite ladies and gentlemen i think it's got some suspicious stains on it yes will you buy a lot of suspiciously stained items no i just i want a price for this don't try and delay by trying to say i've spanked on something. It's not good. That was typical delay tactic. Makes me think.

I'm going to go ahead and say that that's not that much. I'm going to say 50p. Okay, that's your second price. So what do we say for the... 150 for the first item. For the Plateau d'Aux Derves. Yeah. And 50p for the strange, unidentifiable... Greek... Tourist tile. Yeah. Microphallus. Yeah. And 50p for the strange, unidentifiable Greek tourist

tile. Yeah. Micro phallus. Yeah. Are you ready? Yes, I am always. For our final item of shite today? I'm very much looking forward to it. It's a dog's head. Oh! It's a dog's head. It's a dog, I mean, it's not a real dog's head. It's an ornamental dog's head. Wow. It's a

sort of plastic effect dog's head. Let's have a look. I don't know, what kind of breed of dog would you say that is? Interestingly enough, did you look at the bottom of this? Yes. It says... Of course I did. Do you know anything? I checked the shite out.

I go for the most interesting shite. Unlike you, Paul, who just goes, oh, there's a book on Ghostbusters. I want that. Yeah. How much is that? I want that. Yeah, fuck it. It's on the show.

Yeah. Oh, there's a fucking kitchen utensil I need. Look, this is shite. There's no use for this stuff, apart from perhaps the platter. The relish platter. The sticker on the bottom of this says, New Pontons, born February 2011.

So you see, it's an antique. It's not, no, antique is not. It's five years old. Look, come on, that affects the price. The dog is... The dog was born five years ago. What kind of dog is that? A Rottweiler?

Yeah, it's got a Rottweiler sort of colouring with a beige and black fur. It's a happy Rottweiler dog head. It's a smiling dog head. Absolutely fucking shit. Yeah, it's pure shit, isn't it? It goes on your mantle piece along with your shit clock. What's Pontins? Do you know about Pontins?

Pontins is like Butlins. Yeah, so this came from a gift shop in a terrible holiday camp. Nothing says, I went to a shit British holiday camp that's not even as good as Butlins when you buy a dog's head. What did you get me? What did you get me? I got you this fucking dog's head. Oh, hooray. It was born. It was born. It was born. I think that means new Pontins was born in 2011. Have you seen at the bottom it's like he's

curling his claws round yeah he's like oh i'm a doggy dog i'm a severed dog's head i need a price for the dog's head oh i'm going to maybe say 25 pence okay so shall we see how you did, Paul? Let's see how I did. For the Veropa Luxem Plateau Hors d'oeuvres, you said £1.50. The price was £2. That's not too bad. Not bad. I still think £2 is a bit too much for that.

I did balk slightly, but then I thought it's the show. I like your commitment to the format. So do I get a point for that? How do we score this? Did we just give up on the scoring for this section? I think we did, didn't we? Well, there's no competition when it's just you and me.

No one wants to be on our fucking podcast anymore. The audience isn't here. It's not that. It's more down to the fact that it's like, oh, I'll come on your podcast. Where is it? Southampton. No. There will be different formats of shows coming up. We've got some live stuff coming up. Yeah, live stuff coming up. We've got all sorts. Where is it? Southampton. No. There will be different formats of shows

coming up. We've got some live stuff coming up. Live stuff coming up. We've got all sorts. This is just pure. This is a pure cheap show. This is just me and you.

Just me and you in a room. Just fucking doing it. Looking at micro phallus coasters. Talking of the micro phallus coaster, here it is.

I said 50p for that. And the price was 50p. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. On the nose. On the nose. On the price was? Yeah. 50p. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. On the nose. On the nose. On the microphallus. Actually, actually, actually.

What? Oh, he's doing some studio wizardry. Was I correct? You like it? Yeah, there we go. Okay, do that bit again. All right. Let's do this one again.

And so, Paul, moving on to the micro phallus greek tourist coaster tile yeah i said 50p the price was yeah 50p yay we have a sound effect that's good i like that sound effect yeah that's exactly right yeah it's the on the nose sound effect all right sweet we're never going to play that again then lastly yeah born in 2011 in pontins yeah it's a awful awful killing the world big lake of plastic in the middle of the atlantic ocean dog's head you said i think i said 25p and the price was 50p oh so 50% wrong oh i was gonna say 50p but i thought you'd mixed up the prices, so I wasn't going to go with it.

I can't mix up the prices, can I? No, no. The price is what the price is. I know. I report them faithfully. I know. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the fucking price of shite.

And that's right. Thank you. And just like that, another episode of Cheap Show disappears from being a new exciting thing on your phone or media device to being a relic of your memory. Hopefully a good one. Hopefully a good one. As always, we'd love you to help support the show.

If you listen to this show and you've enjoyed it, go to iTunes, rate us, review us, because it helps us get more exposure. What if they hate us, though? Then don't rate us. What if they troll us? Well, if they've listened this far and they troll us though then don't rate it what if they troll us well if they've listened this far and they troll us then them

I don't know wouldn't it be good if someone trolled us then we could have an angry sort of retort mate as a Ghostbusters fan

dealing with the fallout of all this bullshit I have been trolled quite a lot really by frankly mongoloids I'm sorry

I hate to use that word but most of the guys who get in touch with me don't have two fucking brain cells to rub together. And it's not as if it's their fault because of genetics.

It's just their ignorant pig shit. Okay. Anyway, if you listen to this in your anti-Ghostbusters reboot, fucking suck a dick. It might be a bad film. I'm not saying the film's

going to be amazing and everyone should get behind it. I'm just saying, form your hateful, racist, sexist opinion after seeing the film. Yeah. Even if they even bother.

They won't bother. Cunts. Right. Sorry, I shouldn't use the C word. I tried to... sexist opinion after seeing the film even if they even bother they won't bother cunts right sorry I shouldn't use the c word I tried to we almost got through a whole show without you saying it

what a bunch of anyway if you enjoyed Cheap Show and if you want to help us spread the word go on iTunes go on Stitcher

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Other than that, you can follow us on Twitter. The account is at TheCheapShowPod. Get involved with us. Send us pictures of weird things you found in charity shops or bargains or articles that we can talk about in the show. Even cheap eats. You can send us stuff like that if you get in touch with us. We'll send you an address to send that stuff to.

I'm at PaulGannonShow on Twitter. What are you? I'm Eli Sloyd. Yep. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. us we'll send you an address to send that stuff to um i'm at paul gannon show on twitter what are you i'm eli snoid yeah you know e-l-i-s-n-o-i-d excellent uh and also our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk has dedicated pages to each episode uh that has pictures and videos if you want to see the micro phallus if you want to see the micro phallus Come and go to our website That's terrible If you want to see the microphallus Come and to our website And please join us

Yeah We'll work on it Follow us, rate us on Twitter Get involved, get in touch, shout out to us And I think that's it Go fuck yourselves Ladies and gentlemen I've been Paul Gannon

and I'm Eli Silverman why don't you all fuck yourselves we need to work on a better ending I'm out.