CheapShow - Ep 212: Create-A-Crisp

Episode Date: January 8, 2021

It's a new year and CheapShow keeps on truckin' on with more economy comedy goodness! And what a packed show it is, Guv'nor! This week, we eat some truly weird and wonderful snacks and open up the "Crisp and Snack Lab" where we can experiment with some very unusual flavours. Thanks to the PO Box, we get to go full Frankenstein with a bag of "Create-A-Crisp"s and invent 3 new taste sensations! There is also a shocking tongue bashing in the form of "Zombie Takis" and that's before we even dive into a bag of truly bizarre Kit Kat snacks. Oh there's also The Bash Street Kids, Hot Sauces, X Factor Top Trumps and a Dead Bat too. Nearly forgot about that stuff. See? It's packed... maybe too packed. We didn't even mention all the new characters. Apologies in advance. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-212-create-a-crisp If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/ Send Us Stuff! CheapShow PO Box 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

It has been silenced. Set your device to silent. You cannot silence me, for I am technology. No, please, please, please. Is this the cold open? You've started. No, I haven't. I can see, look, you're grinny, grin, grin. I've got a different approach I'm doing today, by the way, Paul.

Yeah, go on. Hit me with your radical maverick broadcaster approach. Have we started? Yes, we have. We have started. So, this is the cold open then. You said you had a maverick reproach, so what is it? I would like us to start from a point where we both agree. Would that be

so, after fucking, whatever, 400 episodes or whatever it is? 210. Oh, exactly. 11. This is awful. This is awful, Eli. Come on. You know why this is awful? No, I won't take it from you you know why it's awful

because it's like I don't know when you're fucking starting do I I don't know when you're starting the machine and you're like maybe when I say

something funny then it will be and then otherwise no here's what happens I'm about to start I've got an intro ready planned you interrupt with some

asinine gobshitery nonsense and then we go off on a massive tangent where nothing gets accomplished and we waste a good one and a half minutes of time. Stop looking at the clock, man! I have to look at the clock. I'm aware of the time. Tickety-tick-tock. There's no ticking clock. Tick-tick-tock.

Right. Here's the cold open. It begins now. Hello, Eli. It's a new year. Welcome to Cheap Show. Hello. Thanks, Paul. I'm Eli Silverman. And I'm Paul Gannon. Now, hey, to start off, I got these, well, they were sent in a PO box. I can't remember who bought them. I just wanted to say something before you move on to the cookies. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm talking about when you go on about cold opens.

No, I just wanted, just before, before that, I just wanted to mention something. Right. Before, it looks very good. Very good. Okay. Two minutes, five seconds. I just wanted to say. Tickety tick tock. I wanted to say, it's a new year, Paul, and I'm going to turn a leaf in Cheap Show. Turn over a new leaf.

I've looked. Not turn a leaf like you're picking things up in the forest. You mean like as in a book, a page of a book. So you're turning over a new leaf. I was thinking more of a leaf, a green leaf. No. That I turn over, maybe there's a little caterpillar on it. You know what?

I'm not going to bother with this cold open now. I've just gone off the idea. Well, don't interrupt my interruption there. Well, go on. I've decided to turn over a new leaf. We are the inception of bad tangents.

I've decided, I look back at the work I was doing, I wasn't happy with my work on the podcast, okay, Paul? Me too. Right, well, we need to start from the place of agreement.

I wasn't happy and I'm going to bring, try this year, in this new year of ours, to bring of our Lord 2021. A new approach, Paul. An Odomini.

A new approach and a more sombre and sober and focused attitude from me. There'll be no silly voices, nonsense words there right out. We all know where this is going, don't we? We all know. I'm just saying. That's it. Nonsense words and superfluous characters,

screaming, shouting, that kind of thing. Yeah. I just want to let you know. All right? Yes. Good. Right. Okay.

I'm ready for the start of a wonderful... This might be our longest cold open, and it's our first episode of the new year. People might be going, what's this cheap show podcast all about? This is what it's about, new listener. Yeah, absolute asinine nonsense. Paul, stop using asinine.

You've used asinine twice in two minutes. The asinine buzz has gone off. Well, at least I chose you to keep in time then, didn't I? I can fucking understand words now. Right, I got fucking

fortune cookies for us to open and we could read the message out and then it would lead us into the episode. Well done. You surprised that quickly. We're both the same, but which one?

Dark blue or light blue? Light blue. More shiny. Right. This is a wonderful new flowering, and let it be on us. Yes. So I'm going to crack it open. Fortune cookie.

It's by a company called Hong Brand. That's all I can tell you. Shut up. Oh, this mine looks off. I'm not going to eat mine. I don't know how long they've been in the pack for. I don't know how long they've been in the box. Oh, they are stale as fuck

get the huff on that that is stale isn't it that is not good I think I spotted that so I was just about to put it in my mouth yeah well I can't read a thing

because Eli likes mood lighting so I can't read fucking shit right now I'll go over there no you can't go over there and read it by a light I'm going to put my torch on now

right here it is oh here's my new year philosophy fortune thing, whatever it is. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. What a fucking waste of time. Well, it's a fucking fortune cookie. Where did you get these? I threw them in a PO box. Right, so just be grateful.

Be grateful for the listenership supporting us with these. But I thought it was going to be like, oh, you miss out on 100% of the chances you don't do. You know what I mean? It is like that. It's a tautological, yes. In two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. Yeah, thanks.

It's not a fortune, though, is it? What am I meant to think? Coming back to the subject of time, Paul, it's meant to make you think, well, it all passes. It'll all be in the past and I'll be dead. Something like that. Right, so it's a fortune cookie that imag well it all passes it'll all be in the past and I'll be dead something like that right so it's a fortune cookie

that imagines my everyone dies it's basically saying what every fortune cookie says Paul everyone dies you're basically a walking corpse

in life a zombie a time backward zombie right good happy new year what's yours say yeah here we go what's yours say I Yeah, here we go.

What's yours say? I bet it boils down to life is meaningless and death's very near. Present. It's upside down. You are straightforward and honest. Thank you very much.

These are the worst fucking fortune cookies I have ever heard. Thank you, Mr. Fulch. Mr. Hong, your biscuits are great. No, they're not. Your biscuits tell the truth. Hong, your biscuits are great. No, they're not. Your biscuits tell the truth.

No, they don't. I've never had a more on-the-nose fortune cookie in my whole life. You are straightforward and honest. Mm-hmm. Ask me to be honest and straightforward about something. What happened to that pillow in the corner there? I'm not the internet. We're not fucking talking about that.

You're not very straightforward and honest Not those straightforward And honest men are you Eh That's unfair Six minutes 30 in Welcome to Cheap Show Welcome to Cheap Show I hate you And your fucking noodle posse

People love noodles It's just a fact of cheap show You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap show Cheap show It's the price of shite Cheap Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon.

Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Hello, happy new year. Welcome to Cheap Show 2021. The hot young podcast for the youth generation. We're down with it, daddy-o. Oh, God.

We've got to appeal to young audiences this year, mate. Do we? Or we're in trouble. Why? Because it's just... Well, the young kids... They're not the biggest podcast listeners. I don't know.

I think it's people in their sort of 30s I don't know I don't know who listens to fucking podcasts Paul well hopefully enough to listen to us

quite a lot millions some people listen to millions some people listen to millions of podcasts yeah they do

as in like they have like a wall of speakers different podcasts all at once yeah and they press play at the same time and a wall of sound comes out. On every podcast they could possibly listen to.

Yeah. Including ones that finished in 2010 and keep winning awards. Bit of politics. Oh, hello. Meow. Wow. I'm a rolling cat. You're a rolling cat.

Meow. Anyway, welcome to the Economy Comedy Podcast. What have we got coming up on the show today? The show where we go for the bargain bins, the charity shops, the pound lands of Great Britain, and find if there's any treasure amongst the trash. For your ears. Right. You like that?

No, because that's out of context. Treasure. I should go, treasure, treasure. Why? Why are you doing this? Why? Trash, trash. Right.

Remember at the beginning of the episode, a little certain someone said... I can't, I've forgotten how to do your voice. I can't have forgotten. He's lost the Eli voice. He's trying to make a noise. I can't, I can't. Here we go. Oh, that's better.

Zippy, I don't believe in Zippy. Oh, that's right, George, yes. Shut up. Hello, everyone. Let's look out the window. Hmm. I don't know what episode of Rainbow is that. We have...

Just to reign you in a bit. I forgot the point. The point was to reign you in for your madness. Yes. And you went complete Rainbow recreation. On a Rainbow tangent. Which is a good thing we need to cover on the show, so well mentioned.

Yeah, we do actually need to do a bit of a deep dive. I've got that wicked early rainbow LP. The Rod, Jane and Freddie and Bob one, or whatever it's called. It's got everything. It's got instrumental rainbow music on it. Who was that famous person who was part of Rod, Jane and Freddie and something before,

and then he went on to do something else? Wasn't there like a famous fourth member? Cheggers? No, it wasn't fucking Cheggers. He pops up a lot of places you wouldn't expect it i thought there was a whole anyway hello welcome to cheap show right so um on the show today yes we're just going to do a leisurely uh look through the po boxes because we had a few interesting things and i thought we could have a little stuff i brought i don't have the letter that's associated with it anymore it's's all gone into the house of pickles.

The thing I entrusted you with. You didn't fucking entrust me. I couldn't find the letter in the box. Mate, you are about as useful as... You should, listen. Let me think of something useless. You know what you need to do? You're about as useless as an Eli Silverman.

You should have some kind of filing system for all the P.O. Box stuff. I do, in my house. But then when you go... Why don't you just write... Why don't you just let me look after something? I'm not incompetent. So I do. And then we have this discussion in our podcast.

I've still got the stuff. On our podcast, you bring this up. We're also doing crisps because someone very kindly sent us a packet. I think I know who that is. Yeah.

They sent us a packet of crisps. Well, not the crisps, but the packets that were inside. No, you're doing the explainy bad thing. Why don you're doing the explainy bad thing. Why don't you do the explainy bad then? Okay, I will.

I'll do the explainy good. Shall I do the explainy good? Do the explainy good and I'll stop doing the explainy bad. Yes, please. All right. Okay.

Someone sent in, it's a product, Paul, where you make your own crisp flavours. So far, explainy good. And they are flavour sachets. Yeah. A number of different

flavour sachets. Yeah. And so you just need plainly good and they are flavour sachets a number of different flavour sachets and so you just need plain crisps in order to sprinkle it on and there's some I haven't looked

at it in detail I think there's some suggestions where you use two different flavours to come up with a third like a cocktail

of crisps and I think it should be an occasional mini segment which is under the umbrella of the league of Snacks and Crisps, which is called...

What's Snacks and Crisps? What was that? The League of Snacks and Crisps. We need like a lab. It should be called lab. That's what I was going to say. Come on. Come on.

Snacks and Crisps lab. Yeah. Yes. Snacks and Crisps lab. Snacks and crisp flab Snacks and crisp flab I don't know where that sound comes from But sometime in the 80s Some kids show Had a sound effect for a science lab

And it was Well that's the noise of A distillate bubbling in a beaker Or something But I don't know where that first came from And I can't find its source Part of me wants to think It's the pink windmill

I don't know why What are you doing? Stop homing in on childhood television, okay? Hello, little old lady. Fucking shut up. Right. So that can be our theme. Snacks and crisp lap.

Excellent. We're on fiery form today. What else have we got, Paul? I've just got to wait for the bag of PO box stuff oh I've got also something else don't I

what have you what have you got I've got both a Chi Beats and a do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I'll select a selection, a selection, Source report. Tell you what, we haven't done it in a while. Shall we do it right now? Can we do some sauce, please? Yes. I'll select a selection. Later, when we do the...

Sauce report, when we taste shit. Yeah, great. What are we doing? Right, we're going to do a tale from the shop floor. Shop floor, shop floor. Thank you. And this one's from a Mr. Seth Harris, providing they don't at any point in the email say,

do not mention my name. So far, so good. Here it goes, Eli. Get ready. I'm waiting. Hello, Eli and Paul. Yes, Seth. Bow.

Matey, matey. What else are you saying now? Eli's the best. I changed that so we didn't have to have the opposite discussion. I think I have a good tell from the shop floor story for you. Thanks for doing that, Paul. A little nudge on the ego. Thanks, man.

A little bit of a slight rubbing touch on the bell of the ego. A little tickle on the bell end of the ego. Watch out. It will go off if you get it too tickly. Just get it all glistening. It will pop off, Paul. Just get it all glistening. Now, sorry.

Start the letter again. Well, we haven't started yet. He just said hello. So here's a story. I used to work for an electronics retail store selling and fixing computers. Curry's, Maplins, PC World. We just don't know. Okay. Maplins

didn't fix computers. Did they do repairs, Maplins? I don't care. That is not the tangent worth investigating. I know, it's not. I'm just amusing. Settle down. Settle down. Don't look at me like that I'll look at you and then I'll touch your ego touch the tip of your ego

with me thumb and get a little bit of that pre-cum right on me fingernail don't because you'll be resurrecting characters now I can resurrect that

there's certain copyrights associated with certain words you were using such as? pre-cum oh yeah sorry right

here we go in the computer department we had loads of computers of on display one day Such as? Precom. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Right, here we go. In the computer department, we had loads of computers on display. One day, this guy walks in and goes to a display laptop and starts watching some music video on the internet on repeat for an hour or so. And that's weird, but we don't think too much of it. It's going to be poorness, isn't it? Spank on product. He's caught on the computer.

We're in the world, in PC world. He came on a laptop. You know what? That wasn't great stuff. Well, the next day, he's back and watching the same video on repeat. And now it's a couple of hours. And day three, he's back, but watching it on repeat for four to five hours. And now he's dancing to it.

He's not hurting anyone and it's amusing so we don't ask him to leave i don't know freak me out man what if a man came into your shop just dance for four hours the same video repeat and they go oh it's not harming anyone i don't know i'd be put off coming into your store the first thing i saw was a dancing man yeah a dancing man doing this yeah you're trying to think about which PC maybe and then you're just like, no, actually, he could go off

and kill someone at any second. I'd like to look at that HP one, but there's a man doing the mashed potato right next to it and I can't... Paul,

sorry to be pernickety, but the mashed potato is a dance from the 1950s. Yeah, I know. That's how it's weird. No, it wouldn't be a video. It was the wrong dance. You should have said gang gang style or something. He's how it's weird. No, it wouldn't be a video. It was the wrong dance. You should have said

gang gang style or something. He's twerking. Yeah, that's a more recent one. It's only about 12 years, isn't it? No, gang gang style was four. Four years ago. Is that all? Gang gang style.

It was only four years ago. Like 2015, 16, something like that? Continue. Memory is... This goes on for a week or so. Oh, come on. After a week, you just say, you can't... This is not for a week or so. Oh, come on. After a week, you just say, you can't...

This is not the Hacienda, mate. After a week, he starts getting brave. He has one window open with the music video on repeat, but now it's just a cover for a second window. Every time he thought someone was walking by, he'd quickly switch windows. I'm sure you can guess that by now, he was trying to discreetly look at porn.

Oh, he changed. Well, he started getting ballsy. It's at porn oh he changed well he started it's not the same it's not the same music video no he's got the music video on but he's also got another laptop playing porn oh which i didn't think you could do in pc world and then you could go on to the one of their chromebooks just go wankbox.com this is a few years back yeah probably before they had protocols dog chicken he's fucking probably, you know, doesn't have the internet. Well, this whole incident probably. And likes one song and a lot of porn.

He didn't say what the song was. You'd think if he'd heard it non-stop for weeks, he'd fucking know what it was. We need that detail, Seth. Is it Left Outside Alone by Anastasia? No, I reckon it's Genie in a Bottle. I'm a genie. Oh, God, no.

It's got to be something a bit more upbeat. It's probably something more like like It might be Gang of Style You just don't know That's what I said About a week of this He finally has had enough He looks around To make sure no one's looking

Opens up the porn screen And squats down He pulls his shirt Over his knees And drops his pants And starts jerking off Where does he live? He left a spunk

Staying on the shelf That nobody ever Bothered cleaning up. What? Just as he was pulling up his pants, the manager finally tells him to never come back and we never see him again. Although, there was a white splodge stain on the shelf

for us to remember him by. Whatever store this is, I hope I never went in it. If I'd have known there was a place where you could go and wank, I'd have been there years ago. No, this happened years... What's the timing on that? It doesn't say.

At the top, does he say a few years ago I was working? He just says I was working. He used to, yeah. He used to. So I think that was a few years back where that was... I've just had deja vu.

I used to work for, yeah. It's every story about someone coming. It is, basically. No, you don't get a lot of good coming ones like that. I can see why you've wanted to include it in this new New Year's one. We haven't done a comingmy one in a while.

They mostly tend to be shitty. Spunking in of curries? Well, it might have been PC World. It's better if you spunk in of curries, because then you can go and spunk into a curry. That's like your bedroom, though, isn't it? Look, I'm not having any of that. I'm not having any of that talk. Yeah, right.

Well, it's true, isn't it? You've used a used curry receptacle. I never have, actually, Paul. To drop a load of your miserable grey spunk. As the cookie said, I'm straightforward and honest. Yeah? So, I never have actually, Paul. To drop a load of your miserable grey As the cookie said, I'm straightforward and honest. Yeah.

So I'm big enough, Paul, to say to you it is something I could have done. It's not outside the realm of possibility of things I might be forced to do.

Yeah. But, and I'm honest and I'm straightforward and I'm telling you, I'm looking in your eye, I've never spunked into a curry takeaway thing or any other takeaway thing. I'm glad you're so honest with me.

On purpose. On purpose. If one drop goes across the room, sometimes you can't help it. You don't know where that goes. It's the butterfly effect, isn't it? What do you mean the butterfly effect? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Did you mean if you come in one corner of the House of Pickles, it can affect the whole ecosystem? Yeah, one drop. I can't believe we're talking about this. Well, it's the new year. What do you expect? Welcome to Cheap Show, everyone. Hello, and welcome to Crisp and Snack Lab.

No, we've not really done that. Well, it's the official segment, so it has to Lab. No, we've done that. Well, it's the official segment, so it has to be. No, it's an experimental sub-segment. Hello, welcome to Crisp Snack Fuck. Crisp Snack Fuck. Welcome to Crisp Snack Fuck. Shut up, could you? It's the new quiz where you've got to eat a crisp, have a snack, a fuck. Crisp snack fuck. Welcome to Crisp Snack Fuck. Shut up, could you? It's the new quiz where you've got to eat a crisp, have a snack, or fuck. In my hand, I have an envelope, Paul.

Yes. It's been sent by someone, and it has this very interesting... We're going to start with that, then. There's a letter. Yeah. Good, there is a letter in it. Yeah. Well done, Eli.

Yeah, see? So, shall I look at the letter first? Nah, fuck it. Right, read it out, close to the mic. Paul and Eli. Yeah, see? So, shall I look at the letter first? Nah, fuck it. Right, read it out close to the mic. Paul and Eli. Close. Hello, Paul and Eli. Hello.

Here are the promised flavour packets. Yes, I think this chap got in touch on Twitter and said, I forgot this, and I went, send it, and he did. Hope you enjoyed them. Thank you for the countless hours of entertainment. Countless. Countless. He hasn't tried a counten.

I wouldn't. You could easily do it, just sort of someone. Is there a name there? Chris.'t tried to count them. I wouldn't. You could easily do it. Is there a name there? Chris. Chris. Thank you very much, Chris. So what has Chris sent? Crawley 177. This is new. Oh, that's his Twitter handle.

I thought you were doing some kind of weird 1970s phone number thing. You can call him on Crawley 177. Hello, darling. Put call him on Crawley 177. Hello, darling. Can I put me through to Crawley 252? Oh, I'll put you through

straight away. Right. Could you breathe heavy as you put me through so I can fucking walk you. Would you walk you? Walk you.

Walk you. Walk you. Walk you. We've logged this call with the police and the officer coming to get you soon at your location.

Oh, no! Thank you very much. Right, these are Creator Crisp, Paul. Yes. New Creator Crisp. Make your own flavours. I'm going to jump straight in and see what flavours we've got here. Talking to the mic.

I get fucked off editing this when you just don't talk into the mic. I'm just trying to manipulate objects in real life. Yeah, Paul? Yeah. So what's it say? Make sure that they are vegan. Otherwise, you're going to have allergy issues with fish. It doesn't say.

Bored with the same old crisp flavours? Not anymore. Create a crisp that lets you mix and match from 10 different amazing tastes, giving you hundreds of possible flavour combinations. Yeah, see, it's the combo. They're selling on the combo. So it says here, choose your favourite. Oh!

Oh! Oh, you're having a sniff of the sachets. Oh, it smells like noodle sachets. You've got steak, tomato, lime. You can open any of them, pour them into the bag. So what flavours have they got there? They've got Thai chilli. Okay.

Cheese. Okay. Oh, interesting. Oh, interesting Interesting Black pepper Yeah Onion Onion Do you want to do this quicker?

This is dull Roast garlic Roast garlic Garlic powder Oh Do you want a bit of umami? Lime Lime

Tangy prawn Tangy prawn The one that made Eli laugh? How weird is that? It's because of the word prawn, isn't it? You like the word prawn, isn't it? Do you like the word? Oh, come on. How do you find the word

prawn so funny? I just find it funny. No, actually, I do know why. Because of an in-joke we have with a comedian called, what's his name?

Pring Prong. Here he goes. He loves it. Cronan Prawn. Pring Prong. Who's the comedian? Jimbo. Jimbo. But he was called Dave Broadfield or something. Cronan Prawn. Prawn. Right. Who's the comedian? Jimbo. Jimbo.

But he was called Dave Broadfield or something. No, he wasn't. He was called Barry Bournemouth or something, wasn't he? Bournemouth. Larry, was it? Gary Bournemouth. Something like that. Anyway. Tomato.

Tomato. Steak. Steak. Beef. There's a lot, isn't there? Chicken. Chicken. Fuck me.

I think that's it. I think that's your lot. What's in that one? Is that the same? It's a duplicate. All right. Good, good, good. So you can have those. All right. Now we use the same packet. I don't want to use the same packet. No, because I think that's it. I think that's your lot. What's in that one? Is that the same? It's a duplicate. All right, good, good, good.

So you can have those. All right, now we'll use the same packet. I don't want to use the same packet. No, because I'm not going to use them. I don't want to touch what you've been touching. I will touch different. How about we turn it into a little game then, right? Because you need blank crisps, crisps without any flavour,

not even salt, sir, not even salt. We'd prefer not salt because you want to get the... Well, I presume these originally came with completely blank crisps so the best thing you can do is what I did is I went out and bought a pack of it's Smith's now what used to be Smith's

no it's still branded Smith's but it's not it is Walker's now branded but it used to be Smith's Salt and Shake there was an overlap time when they still had the Smith branding but were in fact made by Walker's maybe

we've mentioned them on the show before another mystery for you. A blank potato crisp with a little blue packet of salt and you shook your own salt on. That's why when you buy crisps called ready salted, it is because they have been already salted. Yeah, you love that, don't you? Yeah, but it's a nice fact. It's one of those things that you only

realise after years and years of loving crisps. And you think, oh, that makes sense, but only because it used to be you had to shake the salt on yourself. I used to just think ready salted. They are ready and they're salted. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I love that huff. They're cooked and salted. I love that huff.

That's the purest huff of all Crispenden. It is the Rosetta Stone huff of crisps. That is so potato-y, isn't it? I might just have a blank one. I don't know. I always have a blank one, man. No, I'm going to stick with this. Now, what flavour would you like to test on your packing?, man. No, I'm going to stick with this. Now, what flavour

would you like to test on your packing? Well, here's what I'm thinking. There's 10. How about we pick two each? Yeah, but then how are we going to do like a mix? Well, that's what I'm saying.

We mix it ourselves. So you pick X and Y and I pick B and C. Yeah, but then how are we going to give a... It's just a bit of fun. This is the lab. An unbiased...

We're in the lab. It's just an experiment. It's still like some kind of rigour. It's a lab. We're having a little some kind of rigour. It's a lab. We're having a little bit of fun. No, it's a lab, which is a place where serious science... What's your scientific happens then? Well, I'd like to, at least to begin with,

taste some of these purely as is, Paul, because then we know how good they are. Once you start mixing shit up, you know what I mean? I don't want to taste all ten of these. I don't see the point in tasting all ten of them. All right. Well, just pick... I'll taste three.

What are the top ones that we should taste? Chicken. Cheese. Beef. Thai. Thai? Thai chili.

It's the tangy prawn. Tangy prawn? Well, I'm not going to have the tangy prawn. I'm going to taste the tangy prawn first. You're just going to taste a little bit of it on its own,

are you? No, I'm going to put it on my crisps. You're going to put it on the whole pack? You need to give it the Huffle Chuffle, mate. You need to sprinkle to taste a little bit of it on its own, are you? No, I'm going to put it on my crisps. You're going to put it on the whole pack? You need to give it the Huffle Chuffle, mate.

You need to sprinkle it on, give it the old Huffle Chuffle. All right, well then do it and hurry up. And then get a proper huff off it. Oh, baby, that is

pure. Have a huff on the tangy prawn. It's pure prawn cocktail. Oh, that to me smells like ketchup flavoured crisps.

Oh, yeah. Doesn't it, though? Oh, it doesn't smell good, mate. So what is a prawn cocktail? that to me smells like ketchup flavoured crisps oh yeah doesn't it though oh it doesn't smell good so what is a prawn cocktail what literally is a prawn cocktail as a dish yeah it is a prawns

cooked prawns obviously in rosemary sauce and it's all mixed together yes and that's it and served cold oh god and does it smell

taste like that I've never had it obviously so I don't know well yeah because you say ketchup rosemary is essentially just mayo and ketchup isn't it or there's variations but it's just a sort of ketchupy sauce weird that's what people just eat that in the 70s it was big i like them i've got a little little thing about it it's nice i know you watch all those shows like i watch colombo there's all these episodes where like they're eating food 70s glamour food gourmet food

and it looks like fucking muck everything looks like it's fallen out of a jello casing box yeah that was the thing it was a big jello sort of

everything's wobbly and big and glistening and pink and the way that they used to talk about fruit with meat

that was the era of just putting fruit in all sorts of meat if your turkey didn't have two oranges and a lemon up its arse, it wasn't fit for purpose or fucking anything.

It was just like, this isn't gourmet enough. You've got to put an apple in. I can't do it, Captain. And some kind of jelly thing. Yeah. Cover it in fucking pistachio jelly.

But actually, prawn cocktail is nice. There are a few dishes and I like a, you know what I love is an avocado vinaigrette. That's well 70s. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll go with you on that. Nice, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, I've shuffled the Huffle powder. So all you've done is made a packet of crisps. Hey, now smell that. All right. It smells well like prawn cocktail now.

Well, yeah, but that's why I'm not interested in just putting one flavour in a bag. I want to see how well these work, you know, in terms of how well they cope with crisp. The hoof is there, but the hoof is there in the packet. You don't need the salt, do you? Don't need it. No, you've put it there, haven't you? Yeah? They taste like prawn cocktail

crisps. Well, that's where that's pointless. We should have stopped mixing these up, which is part of the alarm. You do a mix, but you'll... Right, so I'll pick one, and then you pick me another flavor. How about we do it that way for a laugh? So I'm going to go with steak to start with. Beef. Beefy what?

Beefy curtain. There isn't a curtain flavour. No, there's no beef curtain flavour. And if there was, I would not want to shake it on my crisps. Oh, who wants a packet of foamy cock crisps? Oh, I do. But you'd have to have foamy flavour and cock flavour. Oh, smegma what's-its.

There is cock flavour, Paul. Chicken. Chicken, yeah, got it. But you'd have to have foamy flavour and cock flavour. Oh, smegma what's-its. There is cock flavour, Paul. Chicken. Chicken, yeah, got it. So I've got steak. What flavour do you want to give me to mix in? I want to give you my flavour. Come on, give me a flavour. What goes well with chicken?

It doesn't have to. Chicken and cheese? Oh, I've never done beef and cheese. Beef and cheese it is. All right, I'm going to do beef and cheese. All right, I'm opening the sachet for steak. Have a little nip of that. What do you think that smells like? Oh, it smells like Bovril or Oxo Cubes. Right, I'm opening the sachet for steak. Have a little nip of that. What do you think that smells like?

Oh! It smells like Bovril or OxoCubes. Oh, yeah. That is just basically what these people have done. They've isolated the flavour molecules

that people use to make crisps with. It's almost like... The flavourings, you might say. Yes. But it's almost like I don't want to know this much,

like this much information about crisps. It's like the magic is dying. Is it like when like, like I don't want to know this much, like this much information about Christmas. Do you think it's like... It's like the magic is dying. Is it like when they started putting the extra features on DVDs of how they made your favourite films? Like, oh, the Matrix, they don't really fly around. I don't want to see behind the curtain. Oh, I've got cheesy dust on me dick.

Yeah, I know, Paul, but what about... What about the... Hang on. Oh. It smells like a cheesy knot. Oh, dear. Is it smegma? It smells like pure, unwashed silverman. Don't.

I object. I object, but I have to smell it. Oh, it's got a bit of that vomity, parmesan-y. Yeah, parmesan-y, that's it. Because you know that the molecule in parmesan that makes it smell like that is also present in vomit. Yeah, because it's stomach rind, isn't it? That's how they make it. No, no, no.

What is that cheese that's made from stomach rind or something of the animal? What they use the rind of this animal stomach. I don't know. I thought it was parmesan. Have you ever seen that cheese that is... No, it's not parmesan. I thought it was. Maybe it is, but...

I don't know. Have you seen that maggot cheese before? Yeah. I mean, what's the point of that? Well, some people like it because it's riddled with maggots. Paul is huffling and a-shuffling and getting all the powders of beef and cheese. What's the huff like, Paul, once you've done that? It's not great.

Really? It smells like meat that's gone off. Oh. Well, I'm going to taste it, though, for science. All right, this is... Eli. Yes. For science. Yes, because it's a taste it, though, for science. Eli. Yes. For science.

Yes, because it's a lab. It's a very serious place. It doesn't actually taste that bad. Yeah, probably quite nice. It's almost got like a kind of cheeseburger flavour thing going on. Yeah, well, it would be. Do you want to try one? Yeah, cheeseburger.

This is our steak and cheese. You see what I mean? That's all right, though. That's quite a nice umami-ish kind of thing. You know what I'm impressed with with these is they're very accurate. Yeah. So far. They're exactly like crisps.

Do you want to try this? Should we do one more bag each? One more bag each. Quickly. Here's a bag for you. Have you got one? Oh, no. There we go.

Right. So you pick a flavour and I'll pick a flavour for you. Oh, I'm going to do a mix now, am I? Yeah. So go on. Pick one flavour and I'll pick another one. I'm going to go for tomato as my pick. In that case, I will go with tomato.

Don't do something nasty. Lime, chicken, Thai chilli, black pepper. What's that one you say? Tomato. Tomato? No, that's too similar. Tomato and lime. Ooh, baby.

How about that? Tomato and lime. I thought that'd be interesting, that's all. Tomato and lime. It's like some kind of healthy soup. You put the lime in the crispy packs. Gazpacho, maybe. Shake it all around.

They are both ingredients of a gazpacho. Are they? I believe so. I don't know. What we call yours a cheeseburger. It's quite creative, isn't it? Yeah, we've made our own crisps. Because you make your own, and then you have to make a little story to go along.

Blah, blah, blah. I love it. Little story. What's it smell like, tomato? Oh, the tomato's not good, man. I don't know why I went with that. That's bad. That's the worst so far for, man. I don't know why I went with that. That's bad. That's the worst so far for me.

Oh! Do you know what I mean? It's almost like it's got a roasted tomato thing going. It's too, yeah. It's kind of too... It's a bit acidic. Yes, and overpowering. Right, so that's going in.

It's gone on. It's too late to turn back now, Paul, on this. Right, cool. And then the next one is what? The lime. The lime sachet. Give the lime a huff. Oh, Paul, on this. Right, cool. And then the next one is what? The lime. The lime sachet. Give the lime a huff. Oh, this is going to be a bad crisp.

Oh, it smells like toilet cleaner. It does. Like all lime things. It does. Yeah, there it goes. Like that lime drink that just tasted of bleach and I drank all of it. Yeah, I think that was like Nigerian. I quite like these cheeseburger crisps I've invented.

Yeah. I think that salt and shake, they use the best quality for some reason because they can't... The crisps. They can't hide behind any flavour.

There's something about them. Do you know what I mean? You know, that's why you get that primal crispy. I think it's because they're not as oily as other crisps. Yeah, they're just nice.

Yeah. They're very good. Very good crisps. Puff and eat. Oh. Eli, for science. That's our catchphrase for this segment now. That's just such a miss after your one.

That's strange. The lime is really overpowering. That almost smells like a bag of sick. It does though. You smell it. Not as much as your cheese sachet did. No. Yeah, that smell wasn't great. What? What sensations are you getting?

They're okay, actually. I can taste the lime. I can taste the tomato. What an interesting... Do you know what it tastes like, weirdly? And this is such a strange thing to say. It tastes like a crisp version of a fruit gum. Here we go.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know, like, a fruit gum chew? The sweetness of the tomato powder with the sort of sour citrusy of the lime, isn't it? That tastes like a fruit gum. It's like a fruit gum flavoured crisp. That's kind of cool. What were we going to call it? Gazpacho, but now we're not.

We're going to call it the fruit gum. Lime Maynards. Lime Maynards. No, lime round trees. Round trees, lime. Maynards are wine gums. No, fruit gums. Who did wine gums? Maynards. Lime Maynards. No, lime Round Trees. Round Trees, lime, crisp. Maynards or wine gums? No, fruit gums. Who did wine gums?

Maynards. Fruit gums is Round Trees. What about Round Trees? They did... Oh, fuck off. Right. One last packet of crisp. One last packet.

I actually thought they were quite nice. They were quite nice, weren't they? The half wasn't very good on the wine gum one. But these are pretty good, aren't they, these sachets? Yeah. I'm going to these sachets? Yeah. I'm going to end with chicken. Yeah. And then you pick the other flavour for me.

So chicken and what? Oh, chicken and onion, chicken and Thai chilli, chicken and roast garlic, chicken and black pepper. Let's go for the roast garlic. That's quite a comforting smell, that, the chicken. That's kind of got this kind of, ah, Bisto thing going on. Yeah. Isn't that quite a comforting smell, weirdly?

It is. That's why I think they're quite comforting crisps. It's like Sunday roast. Paul, is it just me, but do roast chicken flavoured crisps seem to be on the wane throughout this land of ours? I don't know. You don't see them.

You don't see them next to. You used to see them. They used to be like number three after salt and vinegar and cheese and onion, didn't they? They used to be the third along. Like, you know, from the till. You'd go there and you'd go, oh, where's the chicken? It's not far.

It must be close by, this chicken flavoured crisp. And you were right. But in recent years, you don't see them. You don't see chicken flavoured crisps anymore. And remember we were doing that quiz last week. And it wasn't one of the big sellers, chicken. And we were both surprised by that. Remember that as well?

You boring wanker. I won't. I mean, it smells like garlic, but I don't like it. That is acidically garlicky. Chicken and garlic. Sprinkle it all in, you fucker. I do. For science.

This is good. It's all powdery, so it's like doing drugs, but you're eating crisps. You do the shake and vac and put the freshness back. Do the shake and vac and put the freshness back. When you crisp get a huff, your meal does too. So if you want better crisps, you know just

what to do. You do the huff and snack and put the new flavours back. You do the huff and snack and put the flavours back. Oi! Paul, you know what? You should run some improvisation workshops. I am very good. Right, here we go. I'm going in for this roast... Go for the half. Roast garlic and

chicken. Chicken overpowers it. Right, overpowers the garlic. Yeah, quite considerably. Hmm. The garlic is more subtle in that. The chicken is slightly more powerful, but it compliments. Ooh. That worked quite nicely. They're lovely, aren't they? Yeah. What should we call that one? What flavour is that?

Roast dinner. Granny's dinner flavour. Garlicy chicken. Granny's hot chicken. Why does Granny always have to appear with you? I just think the idea of a Granny on the cover, holding a chicken, going, I've made this. Let's call it Brandoff's mum's fuckpiece head.

Chicken, right. Alright, before we move on. Mother's call it Brandoff's Mum's Fuckpiece Head. Chicken, right. Before we move on. Mother's Fuckpipe flavour. Just before we move on from Chris altogether, let's just quickly try these. Tackies. I think they've been on the show before. They're curled up corn chips. Why have we got this flavour?

They came in the pack with... No, I know, but why have we decided to eat these? Is there any particular reason? They've been lying in the room. I want to try them. I thought the flavour was something special. Well, it is. What is it?

Well, would you let me get to it? I'm doing it. I'm doing it. You said, before we started, you said, Eli, you just lead it, and it can't be too long, yeah? So what am I trying to do? I'm trying to move us through this segment, Paul, yeah? Yeah, but our podcast relationship is like a learner-driver thing.

You're behind the wheel sometimes, but you drive like shit. I'm learner- Excuse me. And I'm sitting there to say- I'm the learner. Yeah. I'm learning to podcast from you. You are.

After fucking all this time, you're teaching me- There's still much to know. Fuck off. There's still much to know. Mic technique's still one of those things you were expressing. I don't want to hear no shit about mic technique. I'm sorry, Mr. Silverman, but you've failed your podcast test. Right.

After what? Five fucking years? Yes. You didn't do an emergency stop like when I told you to shut your fucking mouth and you didn't do it for another three minutes. Tacky's zombie, Paul. Or your U-point turns where you go, I hate that. Actually, it's all right, that.

And your heels start. Have you finished? That's a metaphor for your struggling comedy career. Stop pushing this analogy. You're pushing the analogy up the hill because the that's a metaphor for your struggling comedy career. Stop pushing this analogy. You're pushing the analogy up the hill because the engine's falling out. So, because you have to get to the top. Eli Silver, you have failed the test. Oh, fucking shut up.

You have not got your podcast license. Tacky's Zombie. Yeah. Habanero and cucumber tortilla chips. Oh, God. Zombie nitro flavour. Have you ever seen a crisp that's flirting with the imagery of horror? Yeah.

Well, yeah, there have been. The top is like a don't go past this. Yeah. What's that apocalypse kind of? It's a police tape sort of design. Apocalypse iconography, isn't it? I've never seen it on crisp before. Oh, there have been horror crisps before.

But altogether, Tacky's do do This has a very sort of 90s Doritos extreme Sort of vibe as well The design Yeah So it's like horror EC horror meets Doritos

Crisps You know Yeah 90s sort of extreme Extreme I don't think it's a nice looking pack of crisps Zombie Is to the 2010s

What the phrase X Something Meant to the 90s what the phrase X something meant to the 90s. You know what I'm getting at? Yeah. It's extreme.

Exciting. So these are going to look at cucumber. I think we tried some walk-laze cucumber before and they were weirdly sweet.

I don't remember them being very pleasant. Maybe this is a nicer cucumber. We can only hope. What's the hoof? Very cucumber-y.

Really? Very, very cucumber-y Paul. I'm not getting the chilli. It's there. God, that smells great. I'm too hope. What's the hoof? Very cucumber-y. Really? Very, very cucumber-y, Paul. I'm not getting the chilli. It's there. God, that smells great. I'm too hungry. Habanero and cucumber. Oh, it smells like

sniffing a box of cress. You probably keep cucumber with your cress, don't you? Yeah. I'm just going to reach in and grab some. Grab some. They are green, Paul.

They are very green. Right, crunchy. I don't like that. Wow. What do you think? Extremely limey, aren't they? They're so hot. The heat is the only interesting thing about that.

That flavour is very sharp. Vinegary. It's very, yeah. Vinegary. It's like the Esther Anderson drink in Bottom. It pulls your gums back over your teeth. It's got such a kind of... Sour, very sour, like a sweet is.

The aftertaste I quite like, but that first bite doesn't do anything for me. Oh, man. They pack a punch. Well, thanks for those crisps. Do you like them? I do. Good, because you're taking them back with you.

Tackies. That's it. We can now close the lab, Mr. Silverman. Okay. Ready? So we have to now go through the process of making sure all our equipment is turned off. So what are you doing? You wouldn't be holding your chest in pain if you didn't stick 20 fingers of fucking

tackies down your mouth at once. Mate, it's giving me, I can literally feel it giving me heartburn as it goes down into my stomach. You should have just had one like I did. Instead of fisting a fucking clown. I love them. I love tackies, I have to say. You get to this thing where it's like the sour.

It's all going. You start to sweat from the heat and it's all sour. And you're salivating. I'll just have a few more tackies. And then you turn into David Bellamy. I'd have never turned into David Bellamy. I know you were like, all the tackies, all the grumbly grumbly. Shut up.

Is this just insult Eli time, is it? No, I mean, every episode's insult Eli time. Right, there's some sauces now. No, we're not doing sauces now. If you can do sauces in three minutes, we can crack on. There's one sauce I did want to try.

All right. Sauce, sauce, sauce, a sauce report. There's a sauce that's been on my mind. Oh, God. Oh, God. Stop it. All the time.

Source, source, source report. That's not the song for source report. That's the studio by Phil Collins, okay? It's different enough that we can use it. It's different enough. Source, source, source report. What about this? Go on.

You've got nothing, haven't you? You've got nothing. You're hoping inspiration will come. Oh, no, it didn't. It didn't. Maybe it's coming out here. I literally saw your eyes check out. Oh, I've got it now.

Go on. What about this one, Paul? Go on. I can feel it coming in the source report tonight. Yeah, you still... I can feel it. There you go. No, that doesn't work.

I just don't know. Coming in the Sauce Report tonight. So you're coming in the sauce? Yeah, I am. I can feel it. I can feel someone's coming my sauce tonight. I can taste that someone's

coming my sauce tonight. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. I've been waiting for that moment. Oh, you dirty perv. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. I've been waiting for that moment. Oh, you dirty perv, Phil. Oh, my life.

Oh, Phil. Leave it at the songs. Right, which one are you getting? The one I wanted to try, Paul, because it's an interesting flavour combo that I hadn't seen tried before.

Yes, what is it? I could say it was pointless, but maybe it's very nice. This is Flip's awesome sauce, Habanero Soy. Habanero soy. Habanero soy. I've never seen that before in my life.

No, it is unusual. Thank you. Whoever sent these sauces, thank you. They also sent those tackies. Yeah. And also four sauces. All look excellent. There's Mary Sharps, two Mary Sharps, and two of these Flips.

But this one jumped out at me, Paul. We'll take some pictures and put them on the website so they're not completely left out of the game. They'll be going on my food. Good. As opposed to what? Other sources. Other sources going on other sources?

No, these sources will be going on my food. Yeah, as opposed to what? I don't know. Angel dust on my food. No, I'm not on about other things on your food. I don't know what you mean. my food. No, I'm not on about other things on your food. I don't know what you mean. As opposed to what? Other sources?

No, other food. What could be on my food? Little men. Little men who come from... Who come in my room at night. Come in your food. No, they go on my food. I come on them and the food.

God, I don't want to learn any more about this now. I call them the come catcher men. And they come at night. Then I come. Well, they go on my food. I come on them and the food. God, I don't want to learn any more about this now. I call them the come catcher men. And they come at night. Then I come. Well, they have to. Yeah, we got it. Now, we've got to get your sauce spoon ready. Right.

And we're going to have a taste of this. Flips. Looks like good. And let's just do the carrot test quickly because it is the sauce spoon. Yes. How much carrot in it? The higher the carrot in the recipe. Habanero peppers, first ingredient.

Yes. Soy sauce, vinegar, sesame oil, citrullasic, and seasonings. There is no carrot, which is a fantastic sign. Well, my other question was going to be, are there spicy soy sauces in general, or is that just something you don't get a lot of? Well, you don't, because they're usually completely separate categories of sauce.

Right. You see what I mean? Yeah. You can have both on something definitely so people generally are these people at flips obviously thought hey i love soy sauce i love hot and i love hot sauce let's make a hot soy let's make a hot soy and it's the first i've ever seen no well i'm looking forward to it and it looks like it's going to be a good one because like like I said, there's no padding out. Put it over the saucer. Catch any dribbles. There you go.

That's enough. Oh, interesting smell. Mostly soy. Then you get a kind of back whiff of the chilli. There's some sesame. You can smell the sesame. Yeah, that's it. Right, I'm going in. Oh!

What do you think of that? It's nice. Is it hot, yeah? Yeah. The soy flavour is long since gone by the time the heat takes over. Oh. It's a very warm flavour. Oh, I like that a lot.

It's basically watery sort of soy. Yeah. You can taste the actual chunks of habanero pepper in there. Yeah. Oh, that in a noodle, in the broth of a noodle. Yeah. That would be excellent. I'm going to use that in a noodle.

Whoever sent these, these are top quality sauces. Thank you very much. And the tackies. Woo! I am actually really impressed with that. Oh, God. Hammock. Oh, God.

I might have had too much. It's one of my most delicious sauces I've ever tasted. Really? Well. Oh, well, that's high regard coming from Mr. Silverman. It is hot as a bastard, though, isn't it? That'd be quite nice on rice as well. It'd be lovely on rice, wouldn't it?

Yeah. And so. It's more all-purpose than that all isn't it? That'd be quite nice on rice as well. It'd be lovely on rice, wouldn't it? Yeah. And so... It's more all-purpose than that all-fucking-purpose sauce you got. That tasted like... That was weird. It was wet bread. A year's worth of cum. It was wet bread.

Yeah. Brown, wet bread with some sugar. Spoffy bread. Not spoffy. Because the spoff, guys, as we've discussed before... It reminded me of cum. Paul, as we've discussed before... Yeah.

You can't keep spoff wet like that. It jellies up. And it's part of the process of when a man makes a baby with a lady. Tell me more, Daddy. Well, you go up a chuff, the spunk goes all hard, hardy, hardy, hard, all round the egg, forms a shell. Daddy. And no other sperms can get through that shell.

Daddy, who's this man talking to me? Telling me about dry spoffinkins? Come over here. Walk away. Yes, Daddy, I walk away. Don't look him in the eye. I'm walking in the eye. You, sir, are a monster.

Scenes from the life of Bill Donut. You are a monster, sir. Scenes from the early life of Bill Donut. There's no early life of Bill Donut. What do you mean there's no early life of Bill Donut? We don't know about his childhood. It was disturbed to a very disturbing degree. We can all agree on that.

Hey, I do. No, don't. Do you want me? Do you want me? No, Bill, it's all right. Go back to washing up. No, I just thought I heard my voice. There's some dishes to do, Bill.

There's some dishes back. I thought I'd sing a song. You wouldn't mind, would you? I don't mind. Do you mind, Paul? No, I don't mind at all. You go ahead and sing. Now, do you mind, Paul? Yeah, I don't mind. You don't mind, would you? I don't mind. Do you mind, Paul? No, I don't mind at all. You go ahead and say it. Do you mind, Paul? Yeah, I don't mind.

You don't mind, Paul, really? Here I go, then. It's about washing dishes, everybody. Take it away. Take it away. I skimp, scrub, scrub, a-la-ba-la-ba-lee-doo. I skimp, scrub, scrub, a-la-ba-la-ba-lee-doo. I skimp, scrub, skim, a-la-ba-dee-ba-lee-boo. Do the dishes, do the dishes, do the dishes for you.

You won't let me touch it unless I do the dishes. You won't let me touch it unless I do the dishes. You won't let me lick it unless I've scrubbed the pans. Skib, skob, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly, skibbly. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. I'll do the dishes for you. Bill, very good. Yes, it's one of my more experimental jazz albums. Keep working on it.

You know you can use this as an empty segment past the kitchen. Yes. And nothing goes on in there. You know, there might be some creepers, some crawlers in the corners. Is that next to the Don't Get Mad segment? Yes. Oh, yes. Beyond that.

Oh, it's past that, is it? Go down a couple of carriages. What's that big papa hamster? No, just keep walking past that right to the end. That's not happening until later in the year. Go down there, Bill. You can use the equipment. Oh, that's one of his nicer songs, isn't it?

I didn't think it was one of his stronger ones, actually. That's that segment, Donwood. Thank you for visiting the lab. No, it was not the lab, was it? Yes. That was Source Report and the lab.

Yeah. Two separate mini segments for you. Like two bollocks. Two very mini segments that have gone on for 30 minutes. Two bollocks, Paul. Two mini egg bollocks. Chocolate mini egg bollocks.

Right, good, because the next segment is the nice big thick wang. Don't press the button after that. You can't. Say something funnier right now. I can't. I can't do it. I can't. Fair point And we're back

Paul Back from the sound effect We are Now it's We had a very successful Couple of segments So far We did so far

Show today Very happy with What we've done so far You're happy with that I'm very happy yes Could I also ask you Yeah How happy are you

With the segments We've done so far Three Three out of five Three Three out of ten I'm very happy, yes. Can I also ask you? Yeah. How happy are you with the segments we've done so far? Three. Three out of five? Three. Three out of ten? I'm a three. A three out of what? I'm a three.

Out. Of three. Right, you've gone with the improvisation technique here. Yeah. Of just saying the same word a lot. Saying the same word a lot. Oh, just copying me. Copying me, yeah.

No, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. Brilliant. I've got nothing, mate. Oh, just copying me. Copy me, yeah. No, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. I've got nothing, mate. I've really got nothing. I wanted to mention tackies again. Ah, that's what we're going to talk about. Crisp addendum. Is that right?

Addendum? Amendum? Addendum? Crisp addendum. So, apparently, we didn't do any research. Excuse me. I did want to talk about something in particular. Yes.

I'm Chris Chris P Addendum that's my name and I no no it is my name no

we're not having a character called Chris P Addendum I'm Chris P initial P Addendum you can't do this yes I am I can't pack this show with anything

it's my identity you can't do any more characters my name Chris P Addendum it doesn't sound like anyone else It doesn't sound like anyone else. It doesn't sound like anyone else. I don't. You make no effort.

You've just said hello. All right, shall I go? Crispy Addendum. Shall I go then? Yes, please. Could I hang out here? Because I hear there's a... Can you sit over in the corner?

Other characters around here. No, there's no more characters. I'll be good. I can do the dishes and stuff. No, we've got someone who does the dishes. We're all right. I can... the dishes and stuff. No, we've got someone who does the dishes. We're alright. I can... Oh my god. I just want to do a quick addendum before we go into the

final segment of this show. Now we're talking to Chris P. Addendum. What's going on? Oh, go sit down then. Yeah, please do. Just to let you know, if a call comes through, it's Chris P. Addendum, okay? Okay, got it. Right, okay. Yeah. It's Chris P. Addendum.

Okay, got it. Bye. You don't have to move anywhere, Eli. Just talk over the mic. God. I can't. Chris P. Addendum. Right, but what I wanted to say,

back to the tackies, Paul. Yeah. Wow. This is my segment. Let me talk about it and get on. I love tackies. I love that. The zombie flavor cucumber and habanero. So yeah, quite young.

Made in 1999. It's a Mexican company. And they are famous for doing extreme flavors called Nitro Explosion. And its mainstay flavor, which is fuego or fire. Yeah, they're hot, Benny. And they've become very popular. Now, what I wanted to... I think nitro means sour.

Okay, I mean, the thing is they're all known for having really intense flavours. Yeah, but those are nitro. Zombie fucking... Tacita's owned by... Zombie nitro. ...Barcel,

a subsidiary of the Grupo Bimbo company, one of the largest baking companies. Grupo Bimbo? Grupo Bimbo is what it's called. Grupo Bimbo company, one of the largest baking companies. Grupo Bimbo? Grupo Bimbo is what it's called. Grupo Bimbo. And they're not well known compared to other companies like Nestle and Hershey, despite being quite large. Yeah.

Here's what I wanted to bring. Here's what's interesting, though. Tacky's worked its way into the consumers' hearts and minds through small stores and gas stations, becoming popular with the teenage crowd for its spiciness and those daring each other to try the snacks. Some concerns, though, about Takis have been made, that its flavours contain high amounts of citric acid.

No shit, they're so sour. That's that zing, baby. It gets addictive. There have been claims of younger people and children getting stomach sickness from going past their limit with how many they can eat at once. Yeah, baby. Regardless of...

Danger, real danger. But it does have a massive fan base. Yeah. many they can eat at once. Yeah, maybe. Regardless of... Danger. Real danger. But it does have a massive fan base. Yeah. Because they have unique and innovative snacks. They are. It's really good. I have to say, I was totally enchanted.

Once you start, you get into this whole sort of heat, sour, pain, relief cycle with salivating in between. And then you just want to go back, keep this cycle going literally says here as you're saying it says some have suggested that the tendency for tacky's to be spicy and sour creates an urge to keep on eating they so do in contrast to more cheesy based products yeah because that's true i think with the cheesy snack you can kind of i know i want to eat some now i want and with that particular flavor which has got cucumber yeah it's sort of a cooling. It's another level. And it sort of articulates between the sour hit and the heat.

Do you know what I mean? And it's like, wow. Taki's YouTube channel shows 28 videos at the time of this writing in late 2019 and loads of commercials and things like that about people eating as many as they can. Weird. Extreme. It's like, yeah. There's a nice little article about it online, actually. I like them. About that. and loads of commercials and things like that about people eating as many as they can. Weird. Extreme. It's like, yeah.

There's a nice little article about it online, actually. I like them. About that. But there you go. Just a little addendum to Tacky to put more clarity and context. Yes. Right, we'll move on to the next section and this is our P.O. Box Rummage.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Rummage, rummage, rummage. A rummage, rummage room. We're going to rummage. Come on, you can't say rummage and rummage, rummage, rummage, rummage, rummage. Right there in the scrummage, I'm having a rummage. I'm scruffling and scruffling about.

Sniff, sniff. I'm humping my grubbage as I grab my rubbish and put it up your bloody rubbish. Rummage. It's a work in progress. So have a little scrub. What have we got? So I've got a baggie of all sorts of delights and it comes with a letter. And I shall read said letter now.

It says, hello. Hello who? It just says hello. Oh, yeah. This is from Craig and I think Sam. It's Craig and Sam. Hello. Hello, Craig and Sam. Hello. Hello, Craig and Sam.

Some episodes back, Eli was talking very briefly about a Bass Street Kids toy where the head spins. I managed to come across two other toys from the same collection. So, let's have a look. Is that the one you were thinking of? That's the one I've got. The one with the head spins around. I haven't got. My friend, my flatmate has one.

There's another one in here as well. Here we go. There's Gnas friend, my flatmate has one. There's another one in here as well. Here we go. There's Nasher, the dog from Beano. Walter the Softie. Walter the Softie with a spinning tie, I think he has.

We haven't talked about Beano on the podcast really before, have we? We have not. It's a perennial UK child favourite comic growing up. It's been around forever. It was the first, wasn't it?

I don't know. We should one day do a bit of a deep dive into Beano around forever. It was the first, wasn't it? I don't know. We should one day should do a bit of a deep dive into Dabino. I believe it was the first sort of separate comic book on its own for kids. Because they were in the papers. In the UK.

Yes, I believe it was. So yeah, and it's full of characters like Dennis the Menace. And even though in America people go Dennis the Menace is that blonde haired kid. And we have ours. He's a brunette.

Yes. Funnily enough, little factoid, both created completely independently at the same time, released almost on the same day. Just happened to be called both Dennis the Menace. So there's that.

I like it. He's got an action. Walter Softy, whose tie spins round. Perhaps you would have heard that earlier, and the tie spins round. Oh, I love the action. That's satisfying, that. And look, his tie's going round.

What's the action element with... With Nashia the dog from Dennis to Venice. He's got a piece of blue fabric in his mouth. He has. He's a naughty dog. Is that all it is, maybe? No, there's something on the side. Oh, he winds up as well.

He walks along. He walks along. Bloody, let's see what the walk action is like on Nashia. It's a confident stride. It's good. Look at him. There he goes. I reckon he's bitten the pants off Walter.

He has, hasn't he? And Walter's gone, oh, give me back my pants. Give me back my pants. Give me back my pants. Give me back my pants. And he kills Nasher in a fit of repressed rage.

What's he from? Bass Street Kids. Yes. That was the comic strip about a naughty bunch of school kids in a class. It's great to have a double of that though, man. Yeah, you've got two spinning heads.

He can go in my room and the other one can go outside my room. Yeah, that's great to have a double of that though, man. Yeah, you've got two spinning heads. He can go in my room and the other one can go outside my room. Yeah, that's great though, isn't it? Right, that's that then. Pictures of these items on the website. Thank you for those.

Thecheapshot.co.uk What's next? Spinny head. It does look, it would be remiss of me not to mention, Paul, look at his spinny head from the right angle.

Yeah. Twisty knob. Yeah, it looks like a twist-o-knob. It looks like a nice rotato knob. It looks like a nice... Rotato knob. It looks like a lovely... Rotato knob.

You're much more amused than I am about that. I know. I'm more amused than anyone. Anyone who ever will be. Excuse me, Lord. Do you know what's so amazing about rotato knob?

Not much. It rhymes with potato. That's what got me. That's all that got me. It does look... Just explain to everyone what's happening now. Rotato Potato Knob. This toy, this Bad Street Kids toy,

looks like a rolled back foreskin and a helmet. Yes, yes. And when you do it... It spins. It spins. Hence... Hence Rotato Knob. Hence Rotato Knob.

Rotato Potato Knob. Right. Also included is the worst Top Trumps game I could find. And a game that is very similar to Shorter Calls. Oh, that was the news quiz thing we did on New Year's. If you're interested in that, it was in last week's episode. It was pretty

awful. New Year's Eve episode. Oh. And he's bad. He's handing me the Top Trumps, everybody. Oh. Everyone's. Do we have to do anything with these? Just look at them, comment briefly and move on. The X Factor.

X Factor top trumps. So it's going to have what? All those top trumps. Should I just open one and just see what's in there? We know it's going to be like. I'll open it. What's with these?

I do not like these weird hangy plastic top trunks holders. They're really awful and ugly, aren't they? Yeah. It does have a nice slide action, but they... Anyway. You're not happy with it.

I'm not happy with it. It must be hard to store as well. I'm going to take one of these at random. Who's on it? I bet I won't even know. JLS. Is that a band? It's a boy group.

Right. Talk into the mic. It's a boy band. a band a boy group right talking to the mic it's a boy band ortiz is the founding member of the group and put the boys together after after there's another word sorry i'm sorry that's too dull let's have a look at one oh diana vickers the There once was a girl called Diana Vickers who was the top of all the pop pickers. But one fateful night, she got a big fright when the landlord tried to evict us. Oh!

You see what I'm fucking saying there? Yeah, you fucking limerick don! Mate, who the fuck is Alan? He was one of those pity vote ones he looks like a child molester he fucking does in that picture he looks like a pantomime

stop kicking shit that wasn't me it's only you kicking and tapping stuff stop being an idiot it's you fuck sake I want that to go down on record. I dropped the sweeties.

Yes, your sprinkling sweeties on the... While Alan isn't what you'd label a typical entertainer, he did entertain the judges with his audition with a hyperactive version of Black or White by Michael Jackson. Oh, no. Talent aside, Alan has a grace about him and displayed very good character in accepting defeat in his quest to win the X Factor.

It's one of those ones from the first episode of the first season. If nothing else, Alan's local popularity is set to surge following his TV appearances when he is hounded from the street because he is obviously on a register of some kind. Now, what are the stats?

What are the stats categories? Because that's how you play it. Age. So you can say he's 43, I'm 17, and I win because the age is higher. A 43-year-old man should not be on X Factor singing black and white, dressed as David Brent from The Office. He's scaring me. It's unsettling that.

Yeah. Miles from home. This is fucking stupid. Right, bin it. We're done. Miles from home? We are done now. This is completely arbitrary. We are done now with this. We've given this already too much time. Quirkiness. Fucking quirkiness. How quirky is Alan? He's got

a high quirk. Yeah, of course he fucking does. X Factor. Can you guess what Alan's at? Zero. Yeah, of course he fucking does. X Factor. Can you guess what Alan's at? Zero. Yeah, of course, because he is the punchline to this Top Trump's collection. He is the card you don't want. An awful, awful thing. The only thing he's winning is the

age, and that's only if you go by if age is important in the pop industry, which apparently hot take it is. Shut up, Paul. Now. Yeah, we've played with Nasher. I'm just saying, these are lovely.

To go from that to this. Is a step down. But yet, the letter continues. Some cheap heat items aside, mostly Kit Kats from Japan. So we've got Kit Kats now. Oh, we're doing that now.

can't be bothered to write any more. P.S. Paul, why were you not in the Polybius heist? We've been through this. It's also a Patreon podcast where we do the commentary to the movie. You can donate to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and you can listen to the

commentary of the Polybius heist yourself and find out there why I didn't. I'm untalented. Good link. Right, here we go. Do you want to do the Kit Kats? Fine. I'd love to do a Kit Kat. There's some noir black coca sticks, like Pockys or whatever. When we went to Comic Con, wasn't there like three stalls just selling these? Yes.

Or things like them? Yeah, because it's hugely popular. Oh, they've got a lovely wafery chocolatey half on them, man. Nice. Oh, confection Nice. Oh. Oh. Confection noir. Right.

Oh, I'm pouring powder out. It's probably because it's all crumbly because it's been damaged in the box in transit. Yeah, it's all crumbly chockers. You've spilt your crumbly chockers. I've spilt my crumbly crackers. Right, I'm going to pour out all the other Kit Kats because of the load.

So we'll go quickly through them. I've spilt my... You've spilt your chunkly cockers. My shorrid chodders. Right, calm down. I'm going to eat one of these tubes. Right. How is it?

Nice? Ooh. Dirty. That's honestly one of the nicest wafer products I've ever tasted. Yeah. Oh, what is it about it that's so special? It's nutty. It's got like a...

Like a Nutella-y kind of thing. I'll try one then. Honestly, mate. He's not fucking wrong. And it's not over sweet. Do you know what I mean? There's a balance. There's just a nice...

Yeah, balance. The amplitude is nice. It's good. High amplitude. These are noir black cocoa sticks made by YBC. Made in Japan. Love it. how many different types of fucking Kit Kat

have you got there so we're going to do this as quickly as we can that is nice there's one with a ghost on Paul it's like a Halloween one I think that is like

a pumpkin spice I think so it looks like we've got I think it's pumpkin or Halloween I don't know I don't like it I don't like the taste

of pumpkin spice it's purple flavour and then there's whale flavour looks's whale flavour. Looks like whale flavour. Ocean salt. Blubber. Ocean salt it says.

What the fuck does that mean ocean salt? Like the salt that gets on an elephant's rind. Are you talking about whales and elephants? I get them confused. They're big aren't they?

The fox and the jetsam of a whale's cock end. Yes. All the salt crystals that grow on a whale's bell end. My God. Under the big whale foreskin. Right. All right.

Like a big flappy fish. Yuzo. This is Yuzo Matcha. Yuzo Matcha. I meant his foreskin looked like a fish. No. You made that clear. Because I know that a whale is a mammal and not a fish.

Right. Next one is ping pong bat flavour. I don't know. Why has prawn and ping pong come up in this show? I don't know. That's a good point. Ping pong. I don't know what flavour it is, but on the wrapper,

one's a teddy bear with a sponge on its head and the other one's ping pong ball bats. There, you get different artwork on the same flavour, packets of which are the same flavour. But it doesn't tell you what the flavour... I mean, obviously, it will tell you if I spoke Japanese, but I don't, so... It's hard to tell what the flavour is. Cheesecake flavour Kit Kat. I will...

Wow. Now you've piqued my interest, mate. I was just going along. Yeah, whatever, whatever. Whatever, whatever. Now that is a... That's got me a bit chubbed. That's got me interested. Yeah, good. It's got that is a, that's got me interested.

Yeah, good. It's got me interested. Sparkling wine is the next one. Also, we've got contenders. Put the cheese. And finally,

this one looks like a kind of strawberry, whatever. Strawberry vanilla bomb. It looks like a bit like a fanny, doesn't it? Mate, please. It doesn't for a start.

Mate, don't tell me. Listen. Listener, you can judge yourself. It looks more like a squirrel's eye. Look, if I put my legs down here. That's your fingers. Yeah, like my fingers and I make a crotch with my fingers.

Yeah, no, I get it. You're telling me. That doesn't look like a fanny. It looks like. The first thing you'd think, you'd be like, you woke up. You'd think, ah, fanny. And I was doing that. You'd't look like a fanny. It looks like. The first thing you'd think, you'd be like, you woke up. You'd think, ah, fanny. And I was doing that.

You'd think, ah. Fanny. Not my dream. Right. Squirrel's eye fanny. Right. That was good. I threw it straight.

And I caught it. Well done. Okay. I don't want to eat that one. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. All I'm saying, it does look a bit boring, like a lychee. Is that a lychee on that? No, it's just like a strawberry

in a chocolate kind of truffle thing. Come on, darling. Show me your strawberry truffle. You know what I mean? Show me your strawberry truffle. Oh, your strawberry truffle's leaking fondant. The fondant's leaking out.

Right. Oh, my ocean salt. Ocean salt. Yeah. That's ridiculous. Ocean salt. What ones do you want to try? Ocean salt, cheesecake, the fondant's leaking out right oh my ocean salt ocean salt yeah that's ridiculous ocean salt what ones do you want to try okay

ocean salt cheesecake and sparkling wine yeah alright okay so you have those three and I will pick

one of the other I'll pick are we going to cover them all yeah I will pick the ping pong ball bat whatever that is I'll pick the Halloween one it doesn't say the words

ping pong on it does it it's just no it's just got a ping pong ball bat on it. It's got a table tennis racket. Ping pong. Pong. Pong. Ping pong. Imagine there was a cronut pong flavour. I'll try the strawberry truffle. Okay. Right, okay? Which means the only one we haven't tried is the

Yozy Matcha. I think we have in the very distant past of this podcast, Paul, I think we did try a matcha once on something. I'm sure we did. It's white chocolate, this strawberry truffle one. Are you going to be able to handle it? I'll have a little bite.

It's not too bad. There'll probably be a lot of strawberry in there to offset the milky bit. It's not going to be pure white the whole way through. It looks like a little white Kit Kat finger. There were these little mini ones, by the way. Does it have any smell? Strawberry smell?

It smells very strawberry, kind of vanilla-y strawberry. Yeah. It's not my cup of tea, but it's fine. It's kind of bland and tart at the same time. Bland and tart at the same time. Yeah, really. Thanks, Paul. Moving on, I've got...

One out of five. Really? You don't want to wait until you've tried a few to calibrate it? No, one out of five. Okay. Ocean salt. There's a picture of a killer whale... Having a splash whale having a splash

having a big old splash around with his salt encrusted cock so I'm thinking maybe it's something like

salted caramel salted caramel like a pretzel thing again it's white chocolate it's white chocolate again it might all be white chocolate

no really I hope not smells like white chocolate right yeah it's like a white chocolate. Right. Yeah, it's like a white chocolate Kit Kat. Any salt to it? No.

It's a lemony-ness. Lemony-ness? Yeah, there's a lemony finish. I don't know why that made me laugh. Right, next one for me. I will do the ping pong ball bat one, whatever that one is. That's quite nice, has to be said. Amplitude speaking. This is yet another white one. Oh, God. I feel like this is has to be said. Amplitude speaking. This is yet another white one. Oh, God. I feel like this is going to be a tough one for me,

because I want to try and be honest with the flavours and how successful they are. It is a very strong white Kit Kat chocolate flavour. What does that smell like? It smells like... This is the ping pong one. Yeah, it smells just like white chocolate. Alright. I don't know what that is, other than it's white chocolate.

Yeah, they're terrible, these. I hope they pick up in quality, because they're all just like... Maybe the wafer's flavoured, because there's a slight colour to it, but I'm not getting anything. So I don't know, that is still a mystery to me, that one. I'm going to move on. One out of five. I'm going to move on to...

Oh, it's got a cheesy aftertaste. No, not cheesy, creamy aftertaste in my mouth. Kit Kat cheesecake. Do you know what this looks like? Because of the colouring of the packaging, Paul. Yeah. It looks like Marmite, doesn't it? Yes.

With that brown and yellow thing going on. Yeah, weird. But I think it's trying to do a creme brulee kind of look. Yes, that cheesecake, which they have a photo of on the packaging, has been blowtorched. Yeah. Well spotted. Thank you.

Okay. Is it going to be... It's white chocolate. They're all white chocolate. I wonder what these intense flavoured ones you. Okay. Is it going to be... It's white chocolate. They're all white chocolate. I wonder what these intense flavoured ones are. Oh. What? Oh.

What? Paul. What? You know we were talking about Parmesan stroke vomit. Yeah, that is... Can I smoke the... That has that smell. This Kit Kat, this white chocolate Kit Kat has that cheese.

I need to smell. Has that Parmesan... Oh, God! You know what I'm saying? That's on... That's nasty, isn't it? That's odd. White chocolate Kit Kat has that cheese. Has that Parmesan. Oh, God! You know what I'm saying? That's on... That's nasty, isn't it? That's odd. It's like a dirty sock, sort of.

Yes. Do you know what I mean? It's that Parmesan-y kind of flaky. Wow. That is like the vomit-flavoured fucking... Beans. Beans. But you keep finishing my sentence for me.

It's like you know me so well, man. Beans? Well, also, I kind of knew you were my sentence for me. It's like you know me so well, man. Beans. Well, also, I kind of knew you were going to say beans. I've got cheesy fingers from handling it. Like I've been on the what sits. That's what she said. It's like I've been on the what sits. Yeah.

Oh, I don't want it. Go for it. Bite. Bite. Oh, no. How? What? Yes.

I don't know. What's going on with your face? That flavour was there. Oh, you don't seem to be enjoying it. It's got a kind of... Because it's trying to be cheesy. It has a sort of curdled milk sort of... Oh, no.

Do you know what I mean? No, no. Try it. No. Try that one. All right, go on. There's it. It's cheesecake.

Let's get the other finger. That is... It's cheesecake. That is interesting. It's slightly biley. Yeah. Well, that is horrible. Really nasty, isn't it?

That... It's so pukey. That it? That is so pukey. That is not. It's pukey. Good. I feel like we should have had this sparkling wine. We are going to have it last. So exactly.

Now you've given the last two one. Where can you go with this? You can't go lower, can you? Yeah, zero. Oh, God, that's such a horrible. It has got a weird creme brulee aftertaste. Yes. But you've got to get through that kind of a horrible... It has got a weird creme brulee aftertaste. Yes.

But you've got to get through that kind of cheesy milk. It's an acid. I can't remember the actual name, but I did know. There's one type of acid that's in parmesan and vomit. Right. Acidic. Shut up. The last one is this Halloween one, purple packaging. It's your last one.

I'm going to open it. Oh, it's purple coloured. It's a different coloured Kit Kat. That's exciting. It, purple packaging. It's your last one. I'm going to open it. Oh, it's purple coloured. It's a different coloured Kit Kat. That's exciting. It's purple coloured. It's the only one that hasn't been white so far. Oh.

Give us the other bar. Sniff that. What's that smell? Plummy. It's very like a plum. Is it a plum or is it a pumpkin? I don't know. It's a purple pumpkin.

Don't they have like purple pumpkins over there? Has it got a vegetable in it? No, it's very sharp. There we go. No, we go no it's sharp the sugary sharp or taste it have a taste of that that is very unusual it's zingy it tastes of purple uh cinnamon there's a cinnamon yeah but you get those little spikes of um salty whatever it is what is that that's such an odd taste i don't know if i like that, but it's certainly unusual. It's fruity.

Yeah, it's fruity. Cinnamon-y and fruity. Like a plant. Like a raspberry. Yeah. A raspberry or very... That is some... That is very interesting.

It's got so much going on in there. Different layers. I think I appreciate it more than like it. I'll give that three. Very sophisticated. Yeah. Flavourings. Should we do the...

Oh, you haven't done your last one, the sparkling wine. I don't think that's going to be beaten. Certainly not in terms of interesting taste combinations. Well, we're back to... Another white chocolate. White chocolate. Sparkling wine. Smells of what?

Do you know what? It smells slightly soapy, but I can see what they're trying to get at. Oh, yeah? Oh, what is that smell? It reminds me... You'll get this, because this is one of those leisure centre as a child in the 80 get at. Oh, yeah? Ooh. Oh, what is that smell? It reminds me. You'll get this, because this is one of those leisure centre as a child in the 80s smells.

All right. I reckon. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? What is that? Yeah. I don't know what you mean, but yeah. You know what I mean?

What is that? That's such a kind of familiar, kind of mnemonic memory. It's like rose. Almost rosy. But it's bubblegummy. No, it's almost like sherbet. Yeah.

Weird. Yeah, what weird? Go on. Here we go. Sparkling wine. Bite, bite it's bubblegum-y. No, it's almost like a sherbet. Yeah, weird. Yeah, what weird? Go on, here we go. Sparkling wine, bite, bite down. Oh, oh dear. No? They've done something that makes it sort of kind of feel like there's alcohol in it. Weird.

Oh, I'm going to have to try that then. So it's like that sort of nasal. That gas. Almost gaseous sort of ethanol. Petrally. Yeah, that's it. Do you know what I mean? Wow, that is weird.

It's bizarre. These things are bizarre, mate. Well, let's it. Do you know what I mean? Wow, that is weird. It's bizarre. These things are bizarre, mate. Well, let's try this last one together then. The Yuzo Matcha. Colour? Green tea. We've tried, yeah. Green?

Do you think this is going to be? I think it'll be lightish green. It is. It's snot green. Oh, very herbal, very grassy. Well, that's what tea's like. Now, this is, I know I. Well, that's what tea's like. Now, this is... I know I like this, so...

I don't like that. Oh, I love it. No, that ain't for me. Those got better for me. The only one that was actually quite disagreeable was the cheesecake, though. Yeah, that was like someone farted on an egg and then forced it in your mouth with some mayo.

Mate, how bad is the fart? Eat my chunky some mayo. Mate, how bad is the fart? Eat my chunky splat. Listen, how bad would the fart have to be, practically speaking? I don't know. Well, how long? You fart on an egg in the morning, keep it in the fridge, and then your mum comes around and you force it into her face or something. Yeah.

That's exactly what I was picturing in it. I was just spooked by how accurate your guess was. No, just letting your mum stand in for anybody else, right? Right. So, Paul, how badly do you think you could besmirch an egg that would make it more unpleasant to stuff it down someone's throat? Once you're stuffing an egg down my throat, Paul, I won't even notice if it smells slightly of a fart.

Would I? Yeah, you would. No, I wouldn't. If it was a really bad, beefy fart full of all the dinner. This is where I wanted you to go. You know what I mean? If you could...

The kind of fart that has, like, three courses to it. He's doing his fart material. You know what I mean? The kind of fart where... Can end a marriage. Hey, yay, yay. No, no, no.

The kind of fart that makes you think you've just eaten. That kind of fart. The kind of you've just eaten that kind of fart the kind of fart you can literally bite out of yeah but it still has to be

pretty soon after the fart that you shove the egg it would have to be pretty soon after the fart that you shove the egg down say your mum's throat the way it works is

I pinch your nose I fart in your mouth I put the egg and I close your mouth then I cum right that's how it kind of goes that was too much detail for even me, Paul.

There are other objects in the next reveal, but today we're ending on the finale, right? You just did one of those mouth wrongs. I did do one of those mouth wrongs, you're right. What? I did one of those mouth wrongs. There are other things, but we're doing these things around this thing.

What, Paul? We're doing one more PO box item, right? Right, and then this ends the show. But this box also has other things in, which will go into an either later day episode or a Patreon thing, all right? However, I wanted to use one item from this box as the finale.

You're focusing on one item for the finale to the show? Because, I mean, let me just say this right out the gate. Thank you for sending it. Please don't send anything like this again. The box didn't have a letter in it, but scrawled on the inside of the box in biro was the message. Dear Paul and Ellie. It doesn't say Ellie.

It does say Ellie. Or two L's. Yes, E-double-L-I-E. I didn't have a bit of paper. Love, Elodio. Elodio. Elodio. Elodio.

Mate, don't try. E-L-O-D-I-O. ElO-D-I-O Mate, don't try E-L-O-D-I-O L-O-D-I-O L-O-D-I-O L-O-D-I-O-DO Rotato knob Rotato knob Hey, Crispy Addendum is still here

Piss off, Chris He could I could give him He could have a sort of Characteristic item What, like A rotato knob No, he's not going to have a rotator knot.

Yes, he could. Why would he need one? What's he going to do with it? Polish the side of a car? He could damage. And waste height? He could cause damage. Then I'm definitely not having it.

He could go into drill mode. What's that going to do? Drill through your body. Why? Mate, shut up. You're making him worse. And at the moment, I'm still on the fence about him. Don't worry, Chris.

Yeah. Just sit there. P.S. These are from the charity shops and stuff from Japan and my own house. Mate, come on. What's wrong with it? Let's do a look at all the items. Hello, Diodo.

So here is the item. We'll save it for another episode or a Patreon thing. I think we should. Are you going to show me off camera? But I'm going to show you. Yeah. But I'll show you right now the main item that came in this

box and I'm going to let you open it. I'm scared now. Paul has been very serious. He's having a very somber scrummage. He's handed me... What is it? It's covered in popping stuff. Protective wrapping, yes. And it looks to be a frame shape.

A framed picture. Yeah. I haven't looked at what it is now, and it's... What is it? It's a bat embryo skeleton that someone's painted red and glued to a piece of cardboard. Yeah. So... And it costs £3.50.

Apparently so. From a charity shop. I have questions. Maybe it's a baby rat. It's probably a small dead bat. I don't think it's an embryo. It's a bat, sorry, not a rat. This is your fault.

This is your fault, you know. And actually, while we're here, it's Biffo's fault. Between the two of you... Give it to him. ...and your obsession with dead things... I don't have an obsession. I have a strong spiritual connection. You have a strong erotic

connection. Yes, maybe call it what you like. It's the force of life. It's not because it's dead. It's an occult force of life. It's necrophilia. Not with... You jamming your bobbins in a bottle and making Keith's witch hole do your dirty lights. How many loads has it caught? The witch hole must be a piece. Is that how you keep it moist in there? A little few silica gel packs and then lots of spuff? No, I do not spuff in Keith's pot.

Do you not? No. I do not spuff in his pot. I do not spuff in Keith's pot. A pot of not, I spuff a lot. This is quite disturbing, Paul. Isn't it? Yeah.

I don't know what to do with it. I don't know. Keith was more natural, you know what I mean? Because he's just like a mole in a... He's found in a wall somewhere. He's got his own backstory. Who gave you that? Was it Biffo who gave us that?

Yeah. When did he give us that? When we were recording in Cambridge. No, he brought a jar of a dead thing in, and then he brought out little Cheggers. And you almost vomited when you first saw... I'm still vomiting now. No, Cheggers was at the live show.

Yeah, but I'm still... I've still got Cheggers. Do you know what, Cheggers was at the live show. Yeah, but I'm still. I still got Cheggers. Do you know what? Cheggers has shrunk so much, Paul, you could quite easily fit him into your meters now. Oh, God, please. No, that would be the top ceremony for the witch hole. No, it wouldn't.

Yes, you walk towards. I actually feel nauseous at the thought of this. You put Keith's whole side facing you. Yeah. Put some candles around. Right. Romantic. And then you walk towards him

very slowly. Meet us out. Well, in meet us. Cheggers in meet us. Is what I'm saying. You waddle. It's like a waddle. It's like a very

dignified waddle. You can't dignified dignifiedly waddle. Dignifiedly? Dignifiedly waddle. Hello, I'm dignifiedly waddle Hello I'm Dignifigly Waddle Sit over there

I'll sit over there shall I Thank you Dignifigly Waddle Dignifigly Waddle I'm very rich would you like some money Here's some Here's some money Dignifigly Waddle Yes Mr Waddle please sit down next to that gentleman

Crispian addendum So thank you Yes, Mr. Waddle, please sit down next to that gentleman over there. Crispian addendum. So, thank you. I don't know what to say. Yeah, don't send dead things in, please. But can we not turn this podcast... But this way it's been manipulated. It's some kind of terrible...

It gives me the willies. It gives you the proper hibby-jibbies. I'm sure some would like it on their wall with their collection of skulls and... It's not, but it's not... ...snake skins and tarantula badgers. I don't like it on their wall with their collection of skulls and snake skins and tarantula badges. This is www. chupacabrank.co. scratch.sticko

so I don't know what the last bit is. Well, they're probably taxidermists. They're taxidermists. Is it taxidermy if you just strip the bat of its innards and then stick its skeleton off? You can see they've done something with the ribcage where they've put something in it. That makes me sad. It makes me really sad. in it and then stick its skeleton off. You can see they've done something with the rib cage where they've put something in it. Yes.

That makes me sad. It makes me really sad. Sad for that bat. Yeah. I don't know. It's probably... Looks like a little person. I don't think they went out with a mallet

and hit a bat over the head. No, usually they don't. They probably just found it by the bottom of a tree. So they're sort of recycling. I like Keith. Keith's got, you know, rough around the edges.

He's seen a few things, Keith. You know what I mean? Keith had a full life, didn't he? And before he got in that wall, wherever, Keith could be fucking hundreds of years old, Paul. Mate, Keith,

interestingly enough... He's mummified. Yeah, true. But Keith has probably seen more horrible things in its death than it ever did... When it was alive,

it snuffled about. Snuffle, snuffle, snuffle. I'm Keith. Snuffle, snuffle. I'm just a little mole. Me and my own business. This is not canon, by theuffle. I'm Keith. Snuffle, snuffle. I'm just a little mole. Me and me own business. This is not canon, by the way. I'm dying.

The voice of living Keith hasn't been decided on. I just want to say that. Oh, snuffle, snuffle, snuffle. I'm just little gold Keith. Actually, it has. Yes, that's what... Baby Keith.

Oh, we can do a Mandalorian thing with baby Keith and his real life. Yeah. So that means we have a... That's it then, is it? That's the last item. That's what I needed

to look at last after such a great episode Paul where we had some real highs for me the standout was this carbonero soy

snuffle snuffle oh just I'm just sitting around I'm just Keith I forgot to mention shut fuck off baby Keith sit by fucking crispy and do

what's he called a huggle muggle muggle man woggledy muggle man or something what's he called hello I Huggle-Buggle-Muggle-Man. Woggle-D-Buggle-Man or something. What's he called? Hello, I'm the Woggle-D-Buggle-Man. Hello. Just go over there.

There's quite a crowd of people standing in the corner. We're going to have to open up. We can't do any more characters. Get Bill out of the fucking rehearsal space. We're going to have to tell him we can't rehearse now, Bill. Why can't we rehearse?

Because I've got all these new characters here. Who are all these people over there? Yeah, well, watch your ass, Bill, and fucking write some rehearse? Because I've got all these new characters here. Who are all these people over there? Yeah, well, watch your ass, Bill, and fucking write some good songs and get on better with, you know,

L.I. Larry. Yeah, I got it. Don't say it. Okay, I'll go then, shall I? So just get ready to clear out. Bill.

Yes? Bill. Yes? Just get ready to clear out any... We might need to put some chairs in there and have some of these

people waiting there. Do they need... Shall I get the booze out? No, they don't need to drink. Would you like and have some of these people waiting there. Do they need... Shall I get the booze out? No, they don't need to drink. Would you like... I think they'd like a drink. I'll get started. All right, fine.

Oh, yes. I'm drinking now. Good. I'm going to sing one of my songs. Do you want me to help me with this source report update, Paul? Source in... Bill. Source in my meters.

Drippy, drippy. Ouch. Ow, ow, ow, ow. What the do that for? That's one of my new songs I've been working on. It needs work, all right? And you can go back to the rehearsal room just as soon as this programme episode is over.

I may have been in the back room sipping at the brandy. I'm sorry, Mr Silverman. I'm so sorry. I'm going to ask you to go get Larry in a second. I'm going to ask you to go get Larry. I'm going to ask you to go get Larry in a second. I'm going to ask you to go get Larry. I'm going to ask you to go get Larry in a second. You don't want Larry coming down here, do you? Oh, fuck's sake.

Flips. Yeah. Go get the mop. I may have been drinking. I saw you drinking just now. Flips. Anyway, have been Go get the mop I may have been drinking I saw you drinking Just now Oh Flips

Anyway Paul Yes Hello Sorry I'm kind of getting For all the crowd of people I just want to mention This other sauce Which was sent to me

Flips Awesome sauce Which is the one We tried The habanero soy This is habanero Sriacha Oh

I don't care It's good Make the noise No Make the noise Of what. Make the noise. Of what? Just make another noise after I finish saying about it. Okay.

Okay? So the noise you did. Yeah. And then another noise, right? Yeah. This is Flip's Awesome Sources Habanero Sriracha. Oh. Cunt.

And we'll be tasting that on an upcoming episode. We won't. Right. Moving on. Right. You've got nothing. It's the end of the show. You've really let yourself down. I've given up, mate.

You have. You've given up. You were doing alright early on. You've done fucking shit. That bat depressed me. That bat depressed me. It's a bloody little bat embryo all strung up on a board. E-I-A-T-T-O Who is getting erect? Right, okay. Oh, it disturbed you like that? Disturbed, quotation marks.

Read aroused. Read rock hard and seeping cummage. I may have to borrow that rotator knob. I'm nearly there. Oh. I'm nearly there. Do you pretend to cum in every episode? I'd like to see what the percentage is

of you actually pretending you're cumming. Well, whatever it is, add one more to it now. Shut up. Oh, there you go. There we go. Right, let's wrap

this up. Oh, we fucking hell, mate. We can't go. We can't keep doing We're ending this now. All right. And that's it for

Cheap Show. Bye-bye. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. See you next week. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap.-bye. Cheep. Cheep. See you next week. Cheep Show is out for the week.

Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep Show will be back next week. Thank you. Thank you to everyone also who sent stuff in. Without it, we would have had no content. And during these trying times, your support really does help us.

Thank you very much. That was brilliant. So, if you'd like to support us in any way you can by sharing retweeting reviewing us on iTunes or any app that you want but also

patreon.com forward slash cheap show for magazines extra podcasts extra videos all kinds of stuff check it out there's a noodle one

there's a noodle one on the way as well I do how's it going well is that alright it's really tough. I'm not good at editing video.

Editing video? I spent six years. Can you edit the video, Paul? Yeah, no, I know. I'm working on it, but it's slow. No, that would be a good one, because it was a lot of noodle action in there. A lot of noodle action. A lot of noodle action.

Oh, yeah, that's what I was going to say, Paul. Little mention. I don't know if people remember, but we did taste. It was also sent in by somebody. Yeah. A Pringles noodle. Yes. And there were two, and there was a squid-flavoured one. Oh, yeah.

But we had the sour cream and chive flavour. Which we both liked, I seem to remember. I seem to remember being fine. Well, today, out of desperation and hunger, I decided to eat the squid-flavoured one. No. One word review. Yeah. Salty. It wasn't very good. No. One word review. Yeah. Salty.

It wasn't very good. I like it. That's fair. We have covered quite a lot of ground today. Because you don't get squid pringles, do you? No. Right. That's probably why.

Squingles. Squibbles. Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. Anyway, do you know all those characters that were standing over there before, by the way? Fuck them off. Mate, I accidentally, on purpose,

flushed them out the airlock oh so they're floating in the void yeah they could sort of they might attach themselves in a weird way

sometime true but also there's more likely they'll float into someone else's podcast and turn up there mate if Chris P addendum

ends up on my dad wrote a porno yeah that'd be amazing yeah right so follow us on twitter at the cheap show pod I'm at Paul Gannon show Eli is Eli Snoid spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D Yeah, that'd be amazing. Yeah. Right. So follow us on Twitter at The Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon Show.

Eli is... Eli Snoid, spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. You can go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, and see pictures or videos. Sometimes we have both that accompany each episode. Or on Facebook, Instagram. Just look for Cheap Show. I love it.

You'll find us. Oh, mate, I'm absolutely there. I'm loving it. And if you want to email us anything, email us... We're so near the end, mate. Oh, you say this every time I get over the line. Oh, I'm panting. I can't get over the line.

Oh, my panties have caught on the line. I'm swinging round the line. I'm rotating round the line. If you'd like to email us, thecheapshowatgmail.com and finally, the P. I'm swinging round the line. I'm rotoing around the line. If you'd like to email us, thecheapshow at gmail.com. And finally, the P.O. Box to send us all kinds of delights is, Cheap Show P.O. Box 1309

Harrow. Harrow. Hello. HJ19QJ. What's that P.O. Box address again, Paul? P.O. Box 1390. No. Fuck off. Come on. One more time. P.O. Box address again, Paul? P.O. Box 1390. No. Fuck off.

Come on. One more time. P.O. Box 1309 Harrow HA19QJ. 9QJ. And that's it. Thank you for joining us. Let's hope 2021 continues to be a year. Oh, well, slightly better because there's only been a little bit of it. What was your highlight of today's episode, Eli?

Ooh, hard? Mmm. Ooh, hard to say. Maybe the sauce, maybe the... There's been quite a lot of highlights. It was those takis. They're like a machine for making you eat the whole lot, man, I tell you. You're going to be sick with that tonight. It's like an addiction.

It's like a face and mouth addiction. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, well, you don't do it. Extreme. Don't do it. They're zombie. They turn you into a taki zombie.

I'm going to eat some as soon as we stop recording. Yeah, well, this podcast is never going to end. There you go. How about that? Why? I'll just eat them on the podcast. You won't, though. Why?

You can't control. I control every facet of your being. What? It's weird. How you think, how you walk, how you talk, how you dress. Take me down Selfridges, then. You are a construct in my imagination. Take me up Selfridges.

You want to buy me a nice dress? What? A word that's like juicy. Well, I think we can both agree we don't know how to end this episode. So shall we just stop? It might say Dampy. Shall we just stop? Dampy.

Imagine there was a tracksuit company called Dampy. What a wonderful note to end on. Well, I keep trying. I keep handing you gold wands which you turn You don't give me gold wands.

You turn them into shitty sticks as soon as they get in your hand. Here, I'll try again, shall I, Paul? Yeah.

Oh, what a golden wand that was. Fucking shut up. You shut up. Oh, I'll never do this again. You say that every day

I don't I've never ever I'm not though then I will do it again you won't do it because you've got nothing else have you admit you need me

and I invented you you did not well you misrepresent me if that's what you mean that's what I mean I invented you fucking stop the tape

make me fine don't stop it. I'll do it out of spite then. Just do something, for God's sake. I love you. Shut up, Paul.