CheapShow - Ep 213: Cartoon Aid

Episode Date: January 15, 2021

On CheapShow this week, Paul and Eli have a major case of the "Do You Remembers?" when they chance upon a big, thick book of cartoons. It's a whistle stop tour of British animation, comic book classic, lost gems and forgotten memories. We barely scratch the surface! If you half remember Dogtanian, Frank Sidebottom and whatever Action Gran is, have we got a trip down memory lane for you! Along the way, we also discover which 1980's celebrity likes which classic cartoon character (It's probably all made up though!) Elsewhere in the podcast, we have a bumper edition of The Price of Shite where Eli is gifted with another toy teddy bear. A truly upsetting moment in CheapShow history, as you will quickly find out. Lastly, there is a very good chance Eli's use of a Korean energy drink has fanned the flames of his "Egg Special" idea. God help us all! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-213-cartoon-aid If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/ Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

hello everybody it's time for cheap show it's the podcast about economy from the house of pickles the play smells of an std oh come on which one oh the funky one with spores that appears underneath the skin of fours when you're listening to Cheap Show, it's the spoffy, spoffy good time. A jizzy good time. We'll have a spronchy time. He's doing the extended jazz bit. We'll have a spoffy time.

I've got warts on my knobs. That's not what Fred says. What does he say? He goes, Wilma, you're meant to say, I don't know. I've got separating warts on my knob. Anyway, welcome to Chief Show. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. That's it. This is better, because we have tried this cold open

this week before. It didn't really work for us. I like the energy better. I like the energy better. Can I stay on this energy wave with you and say to the listenership, you've been drinking, haven't you? Everybody's gone drinking. Drinking to get through the day. And if that wasn't...

Oh, I've been drinking inside USA. Stop. I've been drinking. I'm feeling very musical now. No. I'm feeling very musical. Half our listenership has already turned off. Stop.

In the name of love. Before you. You lose every single person. Listener who could like this podcast. You're drinking Desperado. Okay, two questions, right? First question. Yes.

What is it you like about the taste of that stuff? Oh, I don't really like it. Why do you get it all the time? Because it's cheap. Yeah. Oh. So what's the second question? That's it.

It's just one question. I just wanted to set up room for the next one in case I thought of one. Well, why don't you make your big announcement about how you're all level-headed and sober and a bit more wizened mind. If you were listening last week to the cold open, everybody. Yes. I am approaching this pod with a much more professional, workmanlike, and sober attitude this year, Paul. I'm focusing. I'm doing research. On?

On anything that we're going to do the show about. I will do extensive research. I've actually hired a researcher. No, you haven't. And I get full-time. No, we're not doing... Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show with the Economy. I'm drinking, whilst you're drinking Desperado,

I think this is emblematic, Paul, of the difference in our attitudes going forward this year. I'm drinking Korean Red Bull, and it tastes like medicine. Right? Whereas here's your Desperado, which is literally Norwich City Centre pavement fuel. The interesting thing, Eli, is that I think it says a lot about our relationship.

One, you're chugging things to stay focused because you don't have focus. And I'm killing the inner turmoil that burns within me like a thousand flames of sadness. Oh, play the little fucking... Play the tune, play the tune. Play the violin. Play my twangy banjo.

Yes. Play my gooch trombone. Be careful, you'll split your banjo. I will twang my banjo string. I don't know what that means. Welcome to Chief Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. Go J!

People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep. Cheep Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheep Show.

And I go and I nuzzle. So, Paul, what have we got coming up on Cheap Show this week? We have a reasonably packed show. We have a price of shite sent in to us from the P.O. Box world of Lissar. Fuck balls. The P.O. You know, why is it when I do sentences I can't keep them simple? There's always this protracted merry-go-round of verbal garbage. You start with too many dangling participles.

Well, I shall tuck them in. And they are rather like dambling... Dambling barbipid balls. What are you going to say? Dangling wagon nuts on a yeti's arse crack. Right, good. So this wizened comedy attitude that you've got has already gone straight to arse wagon nuts. Yeah, you are. You are. Thank you. I've got has already gone straight to arse manganese. Yeah, you are. You are.

Thank you. I've got that on record now. I am so shit. I am. God, I can't think of anything. Well, you do. That's good. Yeah.

You're right. I fucking, anything I say is so laboured and fucking pointless. So let's make the most of it. We have a packed show. So we do have a price of shite that's been put together for us. A bespoke price of shite. And we're playing against each other.

The answers are sealed. There are opportunities for patwanage. There's going to be quite the patwanging today. I will rub my patwani. I will frot up my patwani. Right, see? So that Red Bull's doing all right, isn't it? The Koreanwani. Right, see? So that Red Bull's doing all right, isn't it? The Korean Red Bull.

No, it's good. I've only done two thirds. Very medicine-y. Right, and then we are also... It's got that B vitamin taste. Do you know what I mean? That kind of niacin taste. Ooh, baby.

Can I sniff it? You can sniff it. Have a little huff of this Korean... Oh, yeah. It tastes like cowpoll or whatever it is. Is that cowpoll? Yeah. It's got a slightly kind of fake banana smell to it. Yeah. I sniff it. Have a little huff of this Korean... Oh, yeah. It tastes like cowpoll or whatever it is. Is that cowpoll? Yeah. It's got a slightly kind of fake banana smell to it.

Yeah. I love it. You hate the fake banana, don't you? Yeah. I'm not a big fan of fake banana. Why? What does it remind you of? It only smells of banana.

It's not that it reminds me of anything. I just don't like the taste of it in the same way that you don't. I like the taste of everything. You don't. What don't I like the taste of? Actual shit. Lady's lips. I don't like the taste of lady's lips? You don't like the taste of lady lips You don't. What don't I like the taste of? Actual shit. Lady's lips. I don't like the taste

of lady's lips? You don't like the taste of lady lips. What do you mean? Lady lips. You're trying to say now I never get laid. Do you want to just say

your penis is like a scab, scab dimension penis. Is that what you're going to say? It's like a scab. Like the way that a scab is raised off the surface of a skin. That's how big your knob is.

Like a big, like a fungal yeast patch on a scab is raised off the surface of a skin, that's how big your knob is. Like a big, like a fungal yeast patch on a scab. Your penis looks like a piece of badly carved wood merchandise sold in a shit Grand Canyon store. You've never seen my penis? I haven't seen it, but I can only imagine. Oh, you imagine my penis? I do, I think about it quite a lot. Do you lay there at night?

Yeah. Tossing and turning. It's like a crow's beak. Mostly tossing. And I think about all the things you do with it. And I think about what it's supposed to be. I'm asleep. It's like a crow's beak.

It's like a feather on a beach ball. Right, so no more Korean Red Bull for you. Oh, I'm going to have to finish it off, mate. And the second segment of the show today is going to be a kind of Paul's Page Turner because we've got something that's quite interesting and I think it's worth diving into. A little bit of a Paul's Page Turner. A little bit of a Paul's Page Turner. So that's what's coming up on the show today.

However, before we go any further, remember we had those Kit Kats last week? We had several. I've still got the cheesecake one sitting on the desk in the House of Pickles. I thought you didn't like it. I know. So I've got an extra one. This was sent to us on Instagram from Charlie VK.

And Charlie says this. Hello there, Paul and Eli. Hope you're both doing well. Hello, Charlie. Just listen to the latest episode and this is probably the most boring trivia message you'll ever get, but wanted to let you know that the ghost stroke Halloween Kit Kat you tried was actually supposed to be apple pie flavour.

Oh. So you were both saying it was fruity, and then Eli said it was cinnamon. It was probably spot on. It was. Oh, that was delicious, that one. It was an interesting one. Oh, I took one of those home later.

Yeah. The next day, I didn't have any food in for breakfast, so I just ate about six of those Kit Kats. What a great life you live. Oh, lovely. Also, in Japanese Kit Kats, they often have gaps to write messages on them

because they give them to students for good luck. Oh, so you can put a little message like you could use them as trick-or-treating treats, couldn't you? I guess you could.

And write, Happy Halloween, or this one's got a razor blade in, or come round the back and I'll sort you out. No, no. You know, you're like a horny dad.

They're saying they're using... Stop this. No, you know what, I'm not going to repeat that. I'm sorry, everybody. Also, they're giving out for good luck exams as Kit Kat sounds like Kitokatsu in Japanese, which means sure to win or thereabouts. No idea if this is interesting, but there you go.

Very interesting. Thank you. Yes, it is actually. Very interesting. So they're little tokens. They're little good luck tokens and sweets. And they've got funny flavors. Yeah.

And on reflection, that was probably the most interesting flavor in the pack, the apple pie one. If it was apple pie. Well, I don't know. Interesting. It might have been pumpkin pie. I thought the sparkling wine and the cheesecake were interesting. Yeah, that's true. But they were horrible. But the apple pie was sweet. It was lovely.

It was absolutely... It tasted purpley. Oh, purple flavour nom-noms. You love it. You love it, don't you? I love it. You love it. Now, I can't remember any more other of the Kit Kats that we did last week. This is really Noms. You love it. Yeah. You love it, don't you? I love it. You love it. Now. Yeah. Well, I can't remember any more other than the Kit Kats that we did last week. This is really regurgitating stuff.

Well, I just thought the Kit Kat thing was in. Let's just sit here and fucking try and remember what those Kit Kat fucking flavours were. Well, we had apple pie, cheesecake, sparkling wine. Don't do this. And there was, what, one with a bear on it or something? Don't do this. Don't do what? List things from last week.

I don't have nothing! What about list things next week? Well, next week... Go on, talk about your platters that you want to talk about. Oh, next week we will be covering... Is this the worst episode? Yes, this is. We're just treading water. Is this treading water? I don't know.

I think we need to go to drastic measures. Do what? I've got an idea. Oh no. Oh, he's coming. What's he doing? Oh, he's brought the... Is that the... Is that the Herald?

I've brought the comedy horn. All right, so... So what's going to happen is you're going to say something and every time I think it could be made funnier, I'll use the comedy horn. Okay.

All right, so here you go. Oh, should we give it a go? Just give it a monologue and see where you go. I'll just do a little monologue Yeah Give us a little monologue Oh I was walking down the street And I

I tripped over I hurt my head I didn't think that was That was funny Well it's not for you to It is Because I've got the comedy horn So keep going

Keep going No I'm going to walk down a different street Alright go down a different street. All right, go down a different street. All right. Ooh, my name's Mr. Wednesday. Ooh, terrible arse. He's worked it in. What's that horse over there?

He's got a flappy mouth. I call him my neighbour. Now, this is officially the worst episode. This is like, wow. What? It's come to an end.

It's ground to a halt. Has it? The whole show is ground to a halt. Don't look at me so deeply in the eyes like that. I feel invaded.

We need a project or something. Well, why don't this year we do something big? What's the biggest thing we could do as a podcast? We could do ayahuasca. What's that? That's where you go into the Amazonian rainforest and you find a shaman and he gives you a drink of ayahuasca,

which is two separate plants. And then what happens? Go on a trippy trip. Do you? And go, oh! Hang on, is this the thing I've seen in documentaries? Oh, the panther god! No, but is this the thing I've seen in documentaries?

Oh, I'm in the jungle. I can see with the eyes of the panther. Like that. Mate, I'm not going into the jungle with you if you're going to behave like that. No, I did it once and I was like... Did you? Like that. Yeah? Like all claws coming and I was like... Did you? Like that. Yeah?

Like all claws coming out of my hands. Not real claws. No, I know. Claws of the mind, Paul. But every time I've seen those on documentaries, like some guy takes it, he goes, oh, I'm seeing through time. It's amazing.

And then he spends four days violently being sick and screaming and my skin's on fire. And I go, it's not worth it is it? It's not great. Yeah I don't think it's worth it just to speak to God. No because

he might tell you fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. What a waste of I've got so many questions. Yeah. Oh I've shat on me cloud.

Oh mate. I've shat on the cloud. Do you mind licking it off? Because I'm God and that's probably what they're doing for the next four days when they're feeling sick. They send people up who are having hallucinogenic freakouts. They're licking it off? Because I'm God. And that's probably what they're doing for the next four days when they're feeling sick.

They send people up who are having hallucinogenic free camps. They're licking God's poo cloud. Well, that's good to know. And you're right, Eli. But also, Paul, on a more serious note, ayahuasca is, the psychoactive element is DMT. And DMT is present in all human brains. But the other plant, ayahuasca is a vine plant and this

flower i think that has the dmt in it and the combination of them both yeah make the dmt longer acting okay so it prolongs the the experience yes whereas some other tribes they have dmt snuffs and if you snuff a big thing of it yeah you're up for 15 minutes and then off again you can smoke dmt as well like those toads the toads that you get to secrete on a windscreen yeah and you lick no and you you literally you go you give it the needle on a windscreen and it goes oh you can't and it goes what are you talking about now why have you gone to toads on windscreens you don't lick them i'm trying to say you don't lick them what do you do you rub it on a window you agitate it and it secretes the thing right

and if it's on a windscreen you can just use one of those de-icing yeah squeegees once it's dry and then stick that in a pipe right that's dmt as well right short acting tryptamine is that what they call you they just call me short they just call you a short acting trip marine i don't know oh you're doing a fucking Alan Partridge there as well. Well, maybe. A little bit, yes. Do you know what? This has been the worst episode ever.

Well, we always say that. No, this really is. This might be the one. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. That's right.

Thank you. It's the price of shite. That's a bit punk, that, isn't it? That's a bit punk. A little bit of a punk interpretation there. Yeah, punk. I liked it. Okay, thank you very much, Paul. Now, it is the price of shite punk that isn't it that's a bit punk a little bit of a punk interpretation though yeah punk i liked it okay thank you very much paul now it is the price del shite oh it's what we all come down here for paul get the prices guess the prices guess the prices of the shites yes the shites is on the price stop drinking that korean red bull it's all gone it's all gone it's all gone i. Yeah, I know. But unfortunately, now I'm looking, it looks like I'm looking at

El Pricka de Pronte, shall I say. Cockney Charlie Manson is what you look like right now. El Pricka de Pronte, shall I say, Paul? We do. Let me read the letter.

Read the letter. You fucking do need to calm down. Read the letter. Right. Hello, Eli and Paul. Hope you're both doing well. Hello there, you. So we got a big box.

Who is it? I'm going to tell you in a minute. Well, who do I want to say hello to? All right. Well, it is Mark want to say hello to? All right. Well, it is Mark, known as KamikazeUK on Twitter. So he sent another big box in full of goodies for us to use. And thank God, because as you can probably tell from our intro, we're struggling for content.

Right. So here's what the box. Basically, he got a off-brand brand off in there. But we're going to say that for a future episode, because he's got baked beans of different types and brands. So we should do that. We're going to brand off, off-brand, brand off. Yeah, we're going to off- for a future episode because he's got baked beans of different types and brands. So we should do that when we can. We're going to brand off, off-brand, brand off. Yeah, we're going to off-brand, brand, brand off.

Paul, while we're discussing off-brand, brand off. Yeah. Eggs. Right. It's obvious, isn't it, really? It's been there in front of us this whole time. Eggs. Off-brand, brand off eggs.

We just eat a load of different types of eggs. I will blind taste test eggs. You know what is interesting? In what way? Boiled, scrambled, fried? No, because you get knockoff, don't you? He's of different types of eggs. I will blind taste test eggs. You know what is interesting? In what way? Boiled, scrambled, fried? No, because you get knock-off, don't you? You're just going to eat raw eggs. Not raw eggs.

Well, yeah, boil them or whatever. All right. But how are you going to... I don't understand. You boil a bunch of eggs. What, you don't understand how we do the price? Mate, if we're desperate for content, I think the last thing we should do is spend 50 minutes boiling eggs.

Off-brand, off-eggs. No. Yes. We all know this is not an egg podcast. It fucking seems to be sometimes. It's an anti-egg podcast. No, it's not. It's whenever I have any egg-based interest,

you go, oh, it's up your bum or you put your dick in it or something. Yeah, because you probably do. How come we have honest eggs that aren't bum eggs and aren't sex eggs and aren't up your arse eggs? Just normal eggs of the chicken, Paul. Hello, I'm Eli Silverman and this is my pro-egg message. I support this message.

I like eggs up me bum. No, I don't. No, that's what I'm trying to say. You do. Paul. Yeah. Because I've heard somewhere which is this is the thing

I want to put to the test with our egg special off-brand brand on. Don't call it an egg special. You know how boring that is to hear? Egg special. The word egg special is depressing. No, everyone wants it. Everyone wants it.

Would you go to see a show? If you saw nothing about it, or a post on a club wall, and it said egg special, would you go? Yes, that would be immediately interesting. Especially if it had... You know what? I would be too. If it had reviews like, this is egg-cellent.

Five stars. You won't be able to crack this one. Oh, no. The poster is literally, tonight, midnight, egg special. Would you go? Yes. Yeah, I'd go.

That'd be very interesting. I'd want to know. I'd take my galoshes. Yeah. In case there was any egg splat. I'd probably take some kind of cagoule or something, you know, something that can just keep it all off. You want something wiped clean.

Yeah. Do you remember when we were in Edinburgh? Yeah. And we'd gone to snacks with eggs. Yeah. And we got a big sort of breakfast bath. With an egg in. Black pudding and bacon and egg.

Black pudding and bacon and egg. And we were running to get to the venue for the show that day. Just so people listening know, when he says we, he mostly means him. No, you were ahead of me, running ahead of me. Were we that late yeah something had happened when we needed to get up to the venue fine which was about a 20 minute walk and we both bought breakfast baps from this place and we were walking along eating them yeah literally the soft fried egg besquirted all like you saw it and you didn't even you just muffled

a laughter yeah because there's nothing you can do. I was just like the whole egg. And you performed the whole show with the yolk of an egg upon your chest. Did I? Yes. No, it was on my coat. No, it was on your vest thing that you always wear. On your patented vest. It was grim.

Anyhow, I heard a top chef, yes, saying that all eggs taste the same. So whether it's free-range, organic, posh. Caged. You know, we get these posh Chester Browns are what they're called. Battery hen. They're called Moulin Brown.

Oh, I know what they're called. They're called... Moulin Rouge. Morris Oranges or something. Orange. No, now you're just naming horses. Chesterfield Nom Nom. Yeah, these are all horses in the 815 in Chepstow.

I think of everything. I think all week I'm thinking, yes, my brain works fine. I think about things and facts come to my head. And then I sit down, look at you, and I'm all just Mr. Nonsense Talk. Yeah, I don't know what it is about me. Hamilton's Fancy. Is that what it's called? No, that's the name of that weed.

Oh, is it? Yes. Halifax Malin. Gordon's Folly. Poor. Yeah. Okay, so Jumbo Down Farm. Chestnut Morans.

That's what they're called. Chestnut Morans. Yes. they're called Chestnut Mirans Yes Okay Hazelnut biscuits They do have different coloured yolks Right So but this will be blind Tay says

Because that's what Brand Off is Yeah Apparently they're indistinguishable Right So it's very on mark On brand On message For Cheap Show

Off Brand Brand Off So you go to Sainsbury's Whatever You get some eggs You get their dirt cheap ones You get their fancy ones And you get you know One other And then get their fancy ones and you get, you know, one other.

And then you eat three eggs. And I taste three eggs. Egg special? Yeah. We'll call the episode Egg Special. We could do other things with eggs as well,

couldn't we? Up the bum? Well, you'd have to do poppers to get it up without it breaking, yeah. You'd want it really loose because otherwise you'd snap the egg.

Did poppers make the bum all loose? Yeah, why do you think it was big on the scene? What scene? The gay scene. Really? I thought it was just like a kind of...

Have you never heard of this, Paul? Are you just doing this? I've never heard of poppers making your bum baggy. It's a muscle relaxant. Amyl nitrate, yeah. Right. So you do it right

just before, you know... Before party time. Yeah. Oh. I used to enjoy them because you... Did you? Did you? Did you?

I just enjoyed doing them by themselves, not with sex, you know. All right, that's fine. But they give you a massive headache when you honk like a bottle for half an hour. Yeah, I'm not up for that. Right, anyway, price of shite time. So we'll do an egg. So I've got your word, just so we can move on. Egg special.

Yeah? Yeah, we'll do an egg special. Thank you very much. But you're in charge of getting the eggs. I will source those eggs, mate, from very special places. Yeah, that's what worries me. Genuine eggs. I've got a dog egg.

But what do you think? Like, boiled would be the best way. It has to be boiled. Because then you can do it before we start recording. It has to be boiled because it's the only way to keep the overall flavour across the three the same. Because scrambled, one might be too salty. Oh, yeah. No, you're not going to prepare them in different ways.

One might be burnt and the other one. You know what I mean? You've got to keep it boiled. Got to do it and boil them all in the same pan for exactly the same amount of time. Exactly. Egg. Exactly. Well, how are you going to know which egg's which?

You have some kind of permanent marker. Oh, okay. All right. Different coloured dots or something for each one. Yes. Or you could sign it. Or you could put different... Eli's egg.

Or you could put little words on it. Daisy. Yeah. Or draw a little face. Or Randall. Yeah. Or draw a little face. Or Randall. Yeah. Or Tarquin Egg. Tarquin Egg?

Tarquin Egg. Why Tarquin? That's one of your fucking words, isn't it? Basil Dunag. Yeah. That's better. That's better. My name is Basil Dunag.

Oh, talking of characters, Paul. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bit of a log jam. No, we got rid of all those last week. I flushed them out. No, he's been hanging around. No, he didn rid of all those last week. I flushed them out. No, he's been hanging around.

No, he didn't. Talking to the mic. He's been hanging around, Paul. No, he hasn't. They flushed them all out last week. He didn't. I saw when I was on my way over here. There were no survivors, the computer said. No.

Computer readout said no survivors. No, the computer's wrong. Put the computer on. Hello? Hello, computer. Hello? Do a live form, character live form scan of the whole pod, including the outer segments, please.

Doing it now. Okay, I'll wait. There are five live forms. Thank you. Paul, did you hear that? Thank you, computer. Me, you. Stand by, computer.

Stand by. On standby. Thank you. I love you. I love you, too. No, I won't. Computer, stand by. On standby. Thank you. I love you. I love you too. No, I won't. So, hang on. That's me, you, and there's three others.

So, who's that on the ship? Inchman. Bill Donut. Bill Donut. It's Chris P. Chris P. Adendum. P. Adendum. He's very keen, Paul.

To do what? Just to be involved in something, you know? What can he do? What's his USP? Well, look, I don't know what they get. I think Bill is a bit of a indentured slave to Inchman back there.

You know, he does everything. He seemed to be getting on, though. They were laughing and joking the other day. He's doing a lot of work, Bill, and he's not looking good, you know? No, but Bill's also drinking

to get through the workload. Yeah, I keep going to the loo and there's open a fucking, you know, the drawer to get some soap out or whatever there's huge bottles of vodka in there

yeah I know who's that Bill it must be Bill I don't know where he's getting it from the inch man does an inch you just say give me an inch and he's happy for fucking

literally weeks for whatever reason Bill's just been like having a bit of a tough time and he's been drinking a bit more for his whole life he's been having a bit of a tough time

a bit of a tough time for his whole life I know this is difficult for you to hear Paul yeah but why don't we just get Bill Bill knows how to live on the street he's only got a, Paul, yeah? But why don't we just get Bill?

Bill knows how to live on the street. He's only got a fucking year or two left. No, we can't get rid of Bill now. Chuck him out. No. And then we get Chris P. Adenderman. He's a young man. He's not a young man. He'd probably be able to handle Inchman's demands

or maybe stand up to Inchman. Why has Inchman got so much fucking leverage? And then I could watch him at night through the slit. Is that why you don't go to the bathroom after midnight? Because you have to go past his room. Yeah, he gets the night terrors, Bill. Does he? I've recorded some.

Play one back for me now. All right, Paul. Paul, it is quite disturbing. I'm warning you. All right, no, okay. Just play it for me then. This is quite disturbing, yeah. So you're saying

Paul Donut's having night terrors? He's having destructive night terrors. All right, okay. And I think there's some kind of... It sounds like he's going to the toilet in the bedroom as well. Anyway, just listen. See what you think.

All right. Oh, Mr. Edmonds, you're so big. Oh, God. Mr. Edmonds, I'll sing for you. I'll sing, Mr. Edmonds. Oh, dear Lord, oh, dear Lord. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice or a voice

Mr Ed my friends Mr Ed Murns Mr Ed Murns Oh my god You see it goes on like that He's having

no terrors So all I'm saying is think about it okay We can't we need to get him help if anything Look I said to

Chris that he could pop in right when we're doing the housework at the end of the episode. Just to say hello. And then what are you going to do then? I don't understand what he does. He just wants to say hello and say what he does. He's the hip young thing to dine to get the kids involved. Yeah, he's pretty bland,

actually, but, you know, maybe he'll develop it. Is he an Instagrammer or something? I don't know. I think he is. He's an edgelord kind of face. I think he's, yeah. Yeah, he's one of those. He's very media savvy. He's got it down. Media, social media. Okay, well, if he can help us

with the media, social media side of things. He could, yeah. Perhaps he could. So, are we going to play? 12 minutes in. Let's play the fucking epic clove. Bop, bop, bop. Bop, bop, bop.

Try that again. 12 minutes in and we haven't even played the Price of the Shite yet. Let's get into it. Let's do the theme tune again. It's the fucking Price of the Shite. Shut up. I'm not doing it. It's the fucking Price of the Shite so yet let's get into it let's do the theme tune again it's the frankie price oh it's fine oh it's the fucking price oh and that's why daddy drinks paul is drinking come on read the letter paul i'm ready here we go so again from mark kamikaze uk on

twitter first off price of shite. Same place as before from the RSPCA charity shop in Hereford. These, however, were chosen by my other half as they were closed at the time. So obviously all the charity shops

are closed at the moment, which is why we're having trouble sourcing things for the episode. Such and things and such. Prices this time are a bit wider. So we've got some prices with five P's rather than 50 P's and £1 from the last two that I've sent. There are 8 items and the exact price of all 8 is £7.

Alright, alright. Shall we begin? Well, we haven't decided on the appointment of the petwings. 2 petwings for getting spot on, 1 petwing for being 25p out either way of the actual price. And there's how many items? There's 8. No bonus petwings for getting spot on, one petwing for being 25p out either way of the actual price. And there's how many items? There's eight. No bonus petwings to be had anywhere? No.

We're not doing bonus petwings. No bonus petwings to be had anywhere? No. Now, the answers for this have come in a little sealed envelope piece of paper, which, as you can see, I want Eli to adjudicate that this has been sealed with a bit of tape. I'm going to inspect this piece of paper now, Paul, and I'm going to adjudicate very soberly and somberly. You keep drinking. No, I'll do the actual fucking work here.

It's been nicely taped in one corner, Paul, and you could have manipulated this in such a way. Do you think? Yes. I mean, I didn't, just for the record. Who's to know who put this tape on? It could have been you. I don't know.

Oh, it's like that medical tape. Yeah, it is. It's like bandage tape or whatever it is. It's bandage tape. I like the tape. It's textured. Shall I open it? No, because we're going to it is. It's like bandage tape or whatever it is. It's bandage tape. I like the tape. It's textured. Shall I open it? No, because we're going to hold on to this.

Put it in your pocket. I have in my hand a piece of paper, Paul, with the scores for this Price of Shite bespoke edition, conventional rules. Peace in our times. I'll put it back in my pocket up there. I can vouch that he's putting it in the pocket now. Can you vouch for that?

Yes, it's in there, buttoned. It is buttoned up it in the pocket now. Can you vouch for that? Yes, it's in there, buttoned. It is buttoned up. It's safe now. Can we have the first item on today's episode of The Price of Shite, please, Paul? Now, there's a few of them, so let's get through this as quickly as we can. Here's the first one.

Nothing special, but here we go. Say what you see. What I see here, Paul, is a fridge magnet. It's a frig-magic... Fridge magnet. It's a frig magnet. This is a fridge magnet. You can cut all of it. Snip. Is there anything on the fridge magnet? It's a flat square fridge magnet. It's a fridge magnet. It's a fridge magnet. This is a fridge magnet. You can cut all of it.

Snip. Is there anything on the fridge magnet? It's a flat square fridge magnet. It's a square flat fridge magnet. Because some of them do have some dimension. They're quite sculptural these days. Some ice cream ones I've seen that have half a cone. Sometimes a little villa in the south of France.

Oh. You know what I mean? A little cottage. In Fimo. Sort of in that clay. Modern clay. This isn't that. This is a picture fridge magnet. And it's square what I mean? A little cottage. In Fimo. Sort of in that clay, modern clay. This isn't that. This is a picture

fridge magnet and it's square and it depicts a beach scene. There are two seagulls in the foreground, a beach of row, a cute little row

of beach huts in the middle ground behind which some rolling green hills and atop that a lighthouse pool. What a delightful pastoral scene.

That's the first item. I think I'm going to put it i'm gonna put that on no no this is what we need to discuss who gets to guess first we'll take it in turns okay so you're gonna guess first first just remember who guessed first first so ah this is gonna be hard because i reckon once we're all done we can go back and evaluate eight items seven quid yeah and we it's from all from one charity shop yeah it's all we know we know, yeah. And it's RSPA. Now, I've got to try not to be influenced by you. Well, I'll go first this time, all right? So, fridge magnet, I'm going to say, conservative guess, 50p for that.

I'm going to say 55p. So, Eli says 55p for the magnet. All right, excellent. What a wonderful start. Thrilling. If you want to see what these items look like, to our website thecheapshow.co.uk and you'll see images for this episode

that accompany this episode's page let's have item number two it's a little bit of a fun it's a little car it's a little toy car it's a little plazzy toy car

it's three main colours it's got green wheels they're quite chunky in design chunky design the undercarriage I don't know what it's called

and the bumper and undercarriage are only yellow plastic. Nice. And so is the exhaust. Green wheels. I told him about the green wheels. Yeah, that's exciting. That's my favourite feature.

And the body, the chassis. The chassis. The chassis. Yes. It's a nice chassis. It's a nice chassis. It is translucent. Is it?

Yes. I didn't know it was translucent. I like this and I want to keep this for me. Well, Eli, if you... I'll tell you what. If I get closer on that... No, you can just have it. I don't fucking want it.

Does it do anything? I like those cartoony toy cards. That's nice. Does it do anything? No. No, it doesn't do anything. Well... It does work.

It goes along. You know, it's got some nice action to it. It's quite brittle, but I just think... Don't you think the colour scheme's quite nice? It's got a kind of 90s feel to it, but I like things that are see-through. Yeah. It's a nice little piece of objet d'art, that.

So, Eli, you're first with this decision. I think it's going to be 30p. 30p, he says. I'm going to go with 25p. Okay, undercutting me there. I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing. Next item. Let's have item number three, Paul.

Don't worry, everyone. If you're waiting for us to be awarded petwings, it will be at the end of the game. All petwings will be saved towards the end of a segment and not before. And do you know what will cometh? What? Petwongeth. Petwongeth will cometh. Here's the next item. He's chucked it across to me. I can see right now it's a key ring.

And it's a key ring with a little rubber ducky. A little rubber ducky. A rubber ducky on the end. Typical rubber ducky. I used to love that song when I was a child. That was my main jam. And have you ever sort of filled a rubber ducky with water by squeezing it and squeezing it and squeezing it

and then shot it right at your knob? No. I was really alongside you with that memory kind of going, I remember rubber ducky squeezy up until the tip of the cock wash.

You go straight on for a very direct tingle on the old tip of the tip. On the, can I suggest the meters? You can. I was trying to avoid the meters. Yeah,

but there's too much meters talking a lot of the time. Anyway, what I like about this is that it's a legitimate rubber ducky. Miniature rubber ducky and it's not like a shitty plastic.

I like the fact that it's not hard plastic. Yeah, but it's not hard plastic. It's that kind of rubbery. But it would work as a rubber ducky because it's got the squeak and you could, if you had a glass of warm water and a private moment,

you could fill it with the water and squirt it. You know. How do you feel about squirting it onto the ring piece well hard to see you need a mirror yeah i mean providing you can have a mirror you'd have to have a mirror i tend to have a mirror set up i have a witness who goes a little bit to the left a little bit right a witness and then what do they do they go to court afterwards no i call them witnesses i say i go out into the street and I say, listen, I have to wash my bum

which I have to be a witness. And they go, yeah. Sometimes they say no. Do they give you money? Some they say, no, no, I give them money.

I'm going to wash my arse. Can you be a witness? Here's a fiver. And they go, what? To do what? And I go, to guide a warm jet of water

to my arse. Why don't you just get to do it if you've already got them there? Well, no, because I have to have the squeeze. I have to deliver to myself. They're just there to make sure I have pinpoint accuracy. So I'm sitting there

and they're saying, a little bit to the left, a little bit to the right. There you go. There you go. And I say, may I squeeze? And they say, yes, you may. And I say, thank you, Mother Mary. And then it's squirt. And then I want them to go as quickly as possible. Straight out. I literally, thank you, Mother Mary. And then it's squirt and then I want them to go as quickly as possible. They have to go.

Straight out. I literally say to them, don't look at me! Get out now. Yeah. Leave. And they go, what's going on?

I say, just leave. You've got your blood money. And then after that, I'm all right. But you don't get to see. Have they got their blood money? Do you pay them cash? I pay them cash in hand.

And it's always a different witness. Always different. Always a different witness always a different witness never two witnesses the same but there's a lot of witnesses I can't have the same eyes on it but there's got to be new eyes

but there's got to be a lot of good people out there that would help you yeah thousands mate thousands are they forming groups of their own

to get revenge no they have to sign a contract an NDA what does it say in the contract don't talk about me arsehole thing item number four oh yeah something for Eli whatever it's called. What does it say in the contract? Don't talk about me arsehole thing. Item number four.

Oh yeah. Something for Eli? Oh, it's a pack of cards. It's a pack of cards. These are... Oh wait, there. What does the price for the car? I got confused about my arse story. We haven't guessed the duck, have we? No, the duck, yeah. How much was the duck?

Is it me first or is it you first? No, it's me. I'm going to say 75p. Oh, you can't. That's what I wanted to say. Well, you can't now because I go first as the rules dictator. Come on. I'll go 76p. We're playing very tactically this week.

76p. Right, next item that you already have. What is it? This is golf playing cards. Talking to the mic. Fuck's sake. It's not that hard. Five years.

Finished? Possibly. All right. I was looking down at the item. I'm sorry. You look down, regard, and then talk into the mic. So let's try that again. All right.

Look, regard, talk. This is golf playing cards, Paul. There's the Joker. Yeah. Oh, these actually, these are an illustrative pack that actually have courses on every card. Oh, I see. So there's a little fact courses on every card. Oh, I see. So there's a little factoid on each one. Oh, yeah.

Very dry. Golf Playing Cards features 52 UK golf courses. Stunning course photography and information on each card. They're like, oh, God. Who made them? Marks and Spencer. This is dad at Christmas present, isn't it? This is stocking filler for...

Granddad or your uncle or whoever it is in your family who decided to take up golf to get away from his family every Sunday. Because that's why men take up golf

to get away from the responsibilities they've built up over the years. Well that's one of the reasons. It is the reason. Why do you want to play that? You might enjoy the game.

No. Who said golf is a good You smack it and you go on a little walk and then you smack it again and you go on a little walk and then you smack it again and you go on a little walk and then you

get another whack and then you get in the hole and you go oh that's good whack whack whack in the hole you get out and about don't you

you do I used to be the caddy for my dad he used to get up at like five in the morning yeah I think you've told me this before I've never been anywhere

near golf it's depressing I tend to find them depressing I used to like it because it used to mean getting up super early and having a flask full of coffee and getting there before everyone else is up. It's that kind of, ooh.

And then when you get to the golf course, it's boring as fuck. It's just walking. £1.50. It's not the most astute observation, but it's just walking, isn't it? I know. I like to walk. Yeah, but I don't want to spend hours searching for a ball.

What I object to about golf is the way that it encircles huge bits of nice-looking countryside. Oh, yeah. And makes it exclusive, so you can't walk on it and all that. Yeah, I don't like that. No. Card, what did you say? £1.50, I've told you. £1.50.

And what are you going to guess for the cards, Paul? I'm just going to say £1 on the nose. Okay, he's following me every time, aren't you? You're fucking following me. No, I'm not, because that's a 50p difference. And besides, every time is not true, because we've alternated the choice. So therefore...

Just stop copying me. It's not a good look for you. So only copying you when you go first. Yes, and it's not a good look. And so far, you're when you go first. Yes. And it's not a good look. And so far, you're the one who undercut me by a penny on my last go. So, mate, you talk a talk, but your walking's crooked. Yeah. Come on.

Item number five, please, Paul. Item number five. Oh, it's a little trinket box. It's a little trinket box. Sorry, I did that thing when I looked down again. Yes. But it wasn't as bad. Look, regard, talk.

Thank you. That's the little thing to remember. It's a little trinket box, oval in shape, Paul. And it's... On the letter here, it says it's called a pill box. Oh, a pill box. So what does that mean? You just keep your pills for the day in it?

You put your heart medicine in there. Okay. And you keep that in your little purse or your wallet. Or you could keep hard drugs in there. You could. You could keep tabs. Oh, it's got a little tray inside for separating. Tiny little thing, isn't it?

You could put the ketamine in there and the cocaine in there and don't get them mixed up. Why? At the wrong time of day because you'll die. So they called them CK1s. Do they? Yeah, you do a line of coke and a line of K. In that order.

We're learning a lot about drugs today or this week. You could do it the other way around. And that's bad. It's the same either way. Is it like wine before beer? You're feeling queer, queer before wine? No, it's not. No, it's not.

What is it? Do you do them in quick succession or you actually mix the two together? Coke before ket, deep regret. Kek before coke. Oh, I'm beginning to choke. Something like that. Yes. Yeah, good to know.

There is a smell of old pills coming out of this box. What do old pills smell like? I'll never sniff a pill box. No, it's the cheap metal. It's sort of coming off my hand. It's so hot. Give it a sniffer. And I will sniff now.

Do you know what I mean? It's got that kind of rotting plastic smell to it. Yeah, it's like... It's like old pills. It's nasty metal that's been covered in nasty paint. Yeah, it's really cheap, that. It's like coins when you handle loads of coins. You think maybe someone used it as an ashtray?

That's what that smell is. No, I think it's like the old, rotty pills. Anyway, that belonged to a dead grandma. Dead grandma, dead grandma, give us your pill box. That is the most dead grandma of all the objects so far. Yes. And it depicts roses, if anyone was wondering. There's a picture of a flower on the top.

There's a rose. Right, I'm going to guess first. You guess first? I'm going to go with 50p for that. What say you, Mr. Silverman? 60p. Right. How many more items?

We have three more to go. Hold on to your boots. A lot of items, aren't there? Here we go. He's hiding me this one's wrapped in bubble wrap look regard

talk I'm going to scrammage it out it's a figurine of some sort it is a figurine of some sort it's a little ballerina girl yeah ballerina figure

and she is just fixing her leg warmer yeah and she's sitting on the ground and she's pulling up a leg warmer yeah do you think it's a little figurine of the girl from Flashd And she's sitting on the ground and she's pulling up a leg warmer. Yeah. Do you think it's a little figurine

of the girl from Flashdance? She's a maniac, maniac. No, because she was much older and had different hair. Oh. And she worked, she didn't work as a ballet dancer, did she?

She worked as a fucking axle grinder. She's a welder. She worked as a sheet welder. Sheet metal worker or something like that. She's a sheet metal welder worker. Yeah. She works the weld sheet metal. You keep saying it like it's going to eventually either be funny something like that. She's a sheep metal welder worker. Yeah. She welds the weld sheep metal. You keep saying it like it's going to eventually either be funny or make sense.

It's up to you. She's a sheep wettle worker. She's a sheep wettle worker. I fancy that one out of Flashdance so much, man. I loved her. Yeah, did you? I love her. When she pulled the chain or the water came down, did you make all moments?

Was that the wet dance? Yeah. Imagine they'd call that film Splashd instead of flash dance or mucal mucal dance but energy drinks work wearing off i know that for a fact i'm gonna start drinking no yes all right so little figurine it's quite nice what it made out of what is that it's that horrible plasticky stuff you like that figure no i don't like it i'm saying it nice. What's it made out of? What is that? It's that horrible plasticky stuff. You like that figure? No, I don't like it. I'm saying it's like...

It's so chintzy and horrible. It could have been worse painted and, you know, more poorly designed. The quality and the design are not terrible. And she's got a little tutu and the roughs on the tutu

are splayed out behind her in quite a sort of reasonable way. You're buying a card shop for your nan to keep on a shelf. I've never understood why people want those

in their house staring at them. I don't know. I mean, everyone horses for courses but they're odd. There's a whole thing with children, isn't it?

Clowns. Clowns. Flying children. Oriental ladies with blue skin. Yeah. That kind of weird like cheap knockoffs

of potentially very expensive figurine work that's what it is I guess you know what I mean it must be it's sort of a Wedgwood style is it

sort of isn't it it's meant to look like China like fine China it's like my mum went mad when you know like Tetley's every now and then in the 80s and 90s

would release like little figurines that came packaged with it so like on the side of the box was like a little little tiny house yes or a little guy with a cap one so like on the side of the box was like a little little tiny house yes or a little guy with the cap

one of those guys yeah one of the TETI guys and you could collect the whole set so you've got a bunch of those little men or a little row of houses and a little village tiny little village things

did she have all of those yeah she had fucking still in the box she won't get them out because she's is the tea bags in the box with her no I mean she kept they come in a separate little

kind of stuck-on box, and then that's the thing you detach, but she didn't take the houses out of... Of those... But she did separate that box from the main tea box. Because she's convinced that they'll be worth something in the future, and to be honest, it's been 20 years since she's had them, and they're not.

I could look on right now, and they're probably going job lot 20 for a fiver, if that. Well, they were mass-produced, weren't they? You know what I mean? It's like, who's going to really want them in their house, other than people who think they're going to be worth something, job lot 20 for a fiver if that well they were mass-produced yeah and you know what i mean it's like who's going to really want them in their house other than people who think they're one they're going to worth be worth something or post ironic i remember the 80s isn't this cool that i've got them on my shelf next to my fucking tron fake arcade cabinet yeah well i'd quite like one

for the little guys yeah maybe right so uh what do you think the figurine you need to guess first for that do i i said 50p last time you said 60, so it is your turn now. All right, all right. So what you say. What you say. Quid. Quid. I'm going to go for 80p.

80p. And he's not copying me there because he knows. I haven't copied you on any of them. I've rallied you on that. I don't know. Next. Next item. He's handing it to...

Oh, I want to have this. I want to keep this. Again, you can't because I... And it's fucking mint on card as well, Paul. It's not mint on card. There's no card. It's mint in wrap. It's mint in wrapper.

Right. What is it there? This is a little alarm clock, bedside alarm clock. Can I open it? Yeah, I can tell you it's from Ikea. It's an Ikea one. Yeah, Ikea alarm clock. Yes, because it still has the Ikea packaging.

Yeah. There's the sticker coming off, Paul. Right. You're going to open it now, are you? Good. I just got to get... I did my nails today. Did you?

I cut my nails, yeah, so I haven't got any rickets. You haven't got any... You haven't got your claws out. I haven't got the... Adamantium. I haven't got the claws. If I could scratch back to my Oscar trip.

Yeah. I could get the... Make this... Yeah. Yeah, I know. I got it. I'm moving on because it didn't work then and it's not going to work now

open up the clock this is a clock it's very cheap looking isn't it again it's a second transparent item it's got a big sort of transparent cover yes that sort of is larger

than the actual face which is both round and square is a circle within a square kind of clamped onto a very basic alarm clock kind of thing what the alarm sounds like? I'm not all that bothered.

Has it got a battery in? I bet it hasn't. And if it doesn't, I'm not going to bother. Ah! A sharp bit went right under my nail. The thing that wouldn't

have happened if you hadn't cut your nails. It wouldn't have. This has been a disaster. It's been a disaster. I've cut my nails. Right, there's no battery. How much do you think it costs?

Because that's the most important thing. This was in a charity shop, but it was mint on card. Yeah, in very good condition. It's my turn to guess first, isn't it? Okay. I'm going to say 150. Can I have that club?

Yes, you can have it. I collect these. I know. And despite that, you're constantly late for everything we fucking do. So what's the point? Oh, zinger. What's your guess? It's 150, I say.

What say you? I would say two quid. Come on. Two quid, two quid. Final item. Wow, there are a lot of items this week, aren't there? Final item, but look at him. He's a little cheeky.

What is he? Oh, God. It's a teddy bear. Now, the question everyone's... In a flight jacket, and he's got goggles. It's a little Biggles teddy bear. It's a mini Biggles teddy bear. Biggie Biggles bear.

And he looks a bit... You know who he looks a bit like? What? Poindexter. Well, I a bit, you know who he looks a bit like? What? Poindexter. Well, I was wondering, and on everyone's lips right now, will it be frogged? It's getting frogged right up as we speak. A little tickle on the froge.

Oh, he can ride me like a motorbike. Look. Look at his little goggles. Oh, put your goggles on because it's going to get steamy. He's going to need something to, you something to protect his eyes from the gush. This is nasty. Let's see who it's made by. Lindo, are they?

I don't know Lindo. You don't know Lindo. But it's a lovely little Biggles teddy bear that will soon be joining Poindexter in a recovery group of some kind for abused toys. You're guessing this last one. I'm guessing it first. Now, do you want me to tell you what everything adds up to so far, roughly? Yeah.

You've got 50, 60, 70, 80, 150, three pound, four pound, five, six. So around about 650 you've got so far. Can I take 50p off the last item, please? You want 150 for that same as me then? Yeah. No, put that as 175 and this is 85. I'm going to say 85 for the bear.

Oh, I don't know what I say. You need to guess the bear. I got 50, 60, 70, 250, 350, 4, 5, 6. Oh, I've already gone over. The bear's got a scarf around his neck, so I could tighten that. I don't mind going over, because I need to get some of them right. Well, you didn't say any bonus.

There's no bonus. No, there's no bonus. So I'm just going to say, I'm going to say a pound for that as well. Pound for the mini Poindexter. If he's into S&M play, he's got a little scarf. Joe, can we do auto-erotic-ex-fix-y-teddy-shun?

No, that's... I didn't work at all, did I? I was so desperately trying to make that work after no no auto bearotic asphyxiation okay paul is it time it's half my favorite time now eli you have the results so i'm going to i have the results to reveal the results here we go now here we go let's have a little pre-result chat here, Paul. Are you feeling confident? Not particularly. I think I was a bit scattershot. I don't know where I'm going to land on this. I don't.

I never feel good. And, you know, as we all know, historically, you've got more petrings than me. Oh, I don't know about that. You tend to score big when you do. So, you know, you get the showy results. Shall we get on with the business? Shall we get on with it? I'm going to take the medical tape off the corner of these results.

Yeah. I will read out half of scores, and then you should read out the results. Okay? And then Petwings will be awarded. Okay. The card is being opened up now. I have in my hand the results. Oh, nicely, nicely typed.

Nicely typed. There's no confusion. No. So I'll just go by what order he's written them out in. Go on. So what's the first one on his list? The first one on his list is the fridge magnet. Oh, that's the fridge magnet, as we did too.

That's the fridge magnet as well, but they're not all going to be in the same order. I said 50p, you said 55. 50p is the price of the fridge magnet. So you get a petwing. I get one, but you get two. Give me two petwings and I'll give you one. Petwing, petwing. Petwing.

Thank you. The second item on my list, Paul, is the golf playing cards. Okay, cool. In that case, I'll just skip to that one. So I said one pound, you said 150. They are. Yeah. One pound 50.

It's a fucking cornucopia of petwinage. Let me give you your petwings right now. Oh, I've got a petwinge. Here we go. Get ready for it. Ooh, petwanny. If you don't focus, you don't get them. Fuck.

Don't you glee. What's his name? Poindexter 2.0. No, he's called Mitzi. Is he? Why? Because he's growing based up. Because he rides a Mitsubishi motorcycle.

No, he's called... He's a motorcycle teddy. No, he's not. He's a spitfire. He is when he rides my rod When he rides your chopper Thank you Yeah, that's the better one

So I get two hard betwings You do And I get nothing Please appoint them, anoint them And tell me them Alright, here we go Betwing Betwing

And you get no betwings Right, next one on the list What did you say for golf playing cards? I said one pound Yeah, you're way out Wait, yeah,wings Right next one on the list What did you say for golf I said one pound Yeah Wait Yeah one pound The next one on the list Is the pill box

The stinky granny's Pill box I said 50p You said 60 It was a quid No petwings On either side there No petwings there

Rubber ducky You're such fun But will you Make the petwinage Come I said 75. You said 76. 20p.

Oh. No petwings. No petwings. After such a strong start as well. I'm getting a petwanage. You're getting petwing drought. I don't know why you're finding that as amused as you are finding it. What's next?

Just because I'm so shit. Toy car. Toy car. I like the toy car. Right. I said 25p you said 30 it was 10

so I get I get no you don't get because you're more than 25p out I said 30 yeah yeah

what's oh here we go what's what's 30 minus 10 we both get a between what did you say 25p you give me a between

and I'll give you one back between oh god that's good and I'll give you one between. Between. Oh, God, that's good. And I'll give you one. Between. I was over too fast. So, next. Next we have the ballerina figurine.

I said 80p, you said £1. The price on the card here, Paul, that I'm going to read out. Oh, the ballerina figurine. 75p. Oh, so it's a between for me and a between for Yeah. 75p. Oh, so that's a per twing for me and a per twing for you. 75, 85, 95. Yeah, so both per twing.

What did I say? 60, you said 50. No, you said one pound. I said 80p. One per twing each. Give me a per twing. Per twing. Per twing.

Thank you. All right, go on. Next. IKEA alarm clock. Right. Now, we're going to have a big shock on this one, Paul. Oh, no. What did you say?

150, you said 175. And it cost, believe it or not, 35p. Well, that's the bargain of the day. I'm going to give that a round of applause. A great bargain. That is a great bargain. Great bargain. That is an absolutely, that must be five quid new or something like that.

That's the kind of result I live for on a show like this. This is... It's not a great looking clock. That's a problem. Every now and then, people may accuse us of losing our focus on the format and structure of this show. How sometimes our reliance on stupid characters, word nonsense and offensive asides distills and ruins somewhat.

Distills? Shut up. That's not the word you were looking for. Just weakens and dilutes is the word I were looking for. Just weakens and dilutes is the word I was looking for. I'm trying to explainy good. You're doing explainy bad. I'm doing explainy okay.

No, you're not doing. You're doing explainy bad. Shall I do explainy good? I'm doing explainy fine. I'll just do it. I'll sum it up. This will be good, Paul. We talk shit every now and then.

It's good that the podcast does something proper. We talk shit every now and again. It's good that the podcast does something that is about cheap items and economy. And that is that the podcast does something that is about cheap items and the economy. And that is

a remarkable... It was fucking 35 people for a very nice little cloth. It's got fucking 35 people. It's very nice. It was mint on card. I know you don't want to colloquially mint on card.

There was no card. It was a colloquial mint. Right, last one, I believe. What is it? The lovely bear... This is where I've made a boo-boo.

I made... I was blinded by my lust for his little furry behind. I wanted to frottage it and rub it with my finger. And look, I'm looking at it now. Now you're doing it. I'm doing it now. Right in front of me, which is not at all appropriate. He's sitting.

Stop doing that. He clamps on. His legs, his thighs. He's got thighs of iron. They clamp right on. They do. He's loving thighs. He's got thighs of iron. They clamp right on. They do. He's loving it. He's loving it.

Right, so I said... I'll put his scarf back on. He's very unsightly without his scarf on. Leave his scarf on. I do like the fact that the scarf is real. Yeah, no, it's nice. A little bit of fabric. Often they're stitched on, those pieces of clothing.

But the detail is reasonable. So you've got a toy element there. Do you know what I mean? And the goggles. Goggles is nice. Can I please just get this out of the way? The goggles fucking come off. Mate, can I just end this segment?

Instead of you doing a fucking weird striptease to your sex bear. He can live with Poindexter. Yeah, they're both going to fucking have a lot of talk about and share and get through this. Right, there he goes.

He's sitting there. Oh, it's me, is it? Yeah, well, yeah. I'm going to give you how much these cost and you're going to tell me how much it was. Yeah. Right, good.

Will you pick up the paper from the floor? I've got the paper now. I said £1 for the bear. You said 85p. The price was... The Teddy Pilot Bear, Paul, the last item on the price of Shite this week. It cost £2.60, Paul.

Wow, that... I had the £3 in my head, but I was trying to look at the other items. £2.60 is a lot for that, though. Yeah, but they do. They the three pounds in my head, but I tried to... I was trying to... Two 60s, a lot for that, though. Yeah, but they do. They go, they fetch, don't they? Do they? They fetch. I don't know.

They fetch in their pants. That's not... I mean, look... I fetch in my pants when I mess with him. I put him in my pants. I put that bear in my pants. I put the bear down my pants.

I take that bear and I put him in my pants and I go out. Do you? And I go... Walk down the street and only I know it's my special secret. I take that bear and I put him in my pants and I go out. Do you? And I go, walk down the street and only I know it's my special secret.

I was going to say, no one knows that there's a small toy bear. So I go into the shop, I go, have a pint of milk please and they go, semi-skimmed or full fat

and no one serves you milk in the shop. Well, thank you, That wasn't a real story, was it? Mark, for those wonderful items.

Now Paul, just before we move on, I do want to ask you. This has been 45 minutes, mate. What was your favourite item on the price of shite this week? I probably like the little ducky. I like the little ducky. Like the little ducky going to hang on to it? Yeah, little quack quack ducky. I like that.

It's a nice ducky keyring. My favourite item. Probably the car, isn't it? It is the car. Yeah. I like the car. Everything in this box has been a nice selection of shite for the price of shite.

And let's just do a quick tally up of who got the most petwings. Oh yeah, who won the twinage, twinage? Who will ring out with the petwing out? One of us got four points, well, one of us got four petwings, the other one got five petwings, and the person with five petwings, unfortunately, Eli,

was you. Hey! Betwing, betwing, betwing. So I'm going to give you a celebratory extra betwing for winning today. Thank you. And here it goes. Now, don't come over here. You don't come near me to do this.

Paul, don't! I'll get me Willie out. No, you won't. I'll do it right now. No, no. Here we go. It's your birthday and you'll cry if I make you, cry if I make you. I'm taking point X to point two away.

You would cry too if you had lots of glue. Go to the fucking sound effect. You've ruined this for me. I'm going to go to the sound effect right now. I'm the betweeny champion. God almighty. God. God.

Patwan. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. This is the worst episode. Yes, we're back from the sound effect pool. Here we are. We're raring to go with a brand new segment. It's a brand new segment for 2021.

It's not a new CD. It's not a new CD. It is. It's not brand new segment. It's a brand new segment for 2021. It's not a new segment. It's not a new segment. It is. It's not a new segment. If it stops you from doing that voice, then yes, it's not a new segment of the show. All this stuff you say every episode recently is like, oh, I'm more sober-minded now. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to see a more astute, witty, urbane, casual, relaxed, sexual, hot Eli Silverman.

I didn't say that. Goes right out the window the minute you open your stupid sausage-lit mouth. I was going with point X to point 2. You wasn't. If you'd seen it. I didn't want to look at it. Not a finger play. I've seen you molest a lot of furry animals in your time, and it angers me and saddens

me that these creatures made for love made for companionship made for made for friendship they're made for nub love no they're not made for nub love they are made for the nub love when you say nub love it sounds like you're talking about ewok sex it's like that it is a little bit though it is a little bit like imagine the ewok didn't have any real genitals and was just sort of a smooth furry carapaceace. Yeah. And then I was like, frotting it. What, you rubbing your dirty palms on the groin of it? No, I don't even rub anything that is actually attached to me.

I just, you know, if you've got trousers on, right, and you spread your legs apart. Yes. You get a sort of tension. Yeah. A tension. A kind of a hammocky kind of thing.

A hammocky ridge. Hammocky ridge. And that's what gets the attention from the Poundexter. It does it. It's the hammocky ridge that gets the snuffling. It's like air fr Dexter. Does it? It's the Hamicky Ridge gets the snuffling. It's like air frottage.

Is it? It's air rubsies. It's not. There's still contact. It's air nubsy rubsies! You're still getting a sexual thrill from it though, aren't you? Oh no. You are.

Oh no, no, no. Absolutely not. How dare you even suggest that? I've seen it. It's ritual. It's pure ritual. I've seen it. I've heard it winking. You've heard my mate just wink pure ritual. I've seen it. I've heard it winking.

You've heard my meters winking? You've heard it winking in the night? Yeah, it's like... It's like a fish's mouth. Does it come to the door? Yeah. It's like the middle of the night. Who's there? I'll tell you, Eli's meters again.

Oh, I'm trying to sleep. I'll tell it to go. Eli Eli's, will you meet us again? Oh, I'm trying to sleep. I'll tell it to go. Eli's, meet us. Will you please go? I don't think he's gone. Clear off, Eli's, meet us. Go back home. Oh, he's gone.

He's gone away now, love. He's left a little snail trail. I don't know why I'm in this scene now. Where were you the whole time? I was just standing there. You're not connected to your meters at all. Well, it's a ghost meters. Is it? It's gone off the rails. It's gone off the rails. What are we doing in this

segment, Paul? It's Paul's page turners and I went to mine in Camden about a month or so ago now and put it down or put it on the floor. I'm having a drink. Drink, drink. He wants to come along.

Oh, he's coming round the stairs. And he's calmed down. He's all the carpet on it. Don't do that. Don't. I'm here. I'm present. I'm in the room.

I'm ready to do this. All right, you're going to behave? Yes. For this is Paul's page turnersers and I went to mine in Camden and I bought a book it cost me it says £2 on here but it only cost me a quid

because it was reduced but it is a huge big whopper of a thick book and it's called it's a hardback Cartoon Aid Cartoon Aid

now I didn't know what Cartoon Aid was but apparently it was Live Aid but for comics to help raise money yes so that's the equivalent of the Do They Know It's Christmas Time single.

This is the product that everyone bought and the money went to. Because this is a book. To Live Aid. Of comics. But what's nice about it and what I think is really interesting is that it's all kinds of comics. Well, it's not just comics. It's sort of cartoon characters. It's called Cartoon Aid.

It's not called Comic Aid. No, that's true. It's called Cartoon Aid. You have made that abundantly clear now and i'm glad you've pointed that out but you know what i mean going forward there are characters who are originated in comics but they're all ones that then at some point were a cartoon i think let's tell you what let me read the inside because on the inside it's got a little section that shows you all the characters it's got snoopy casper donald spider-man mickey mouse garfield tintin uh hagar superman lucky luke batman betty boo he-man scare bears they're all here what were the scare bears were they an actual cartoon they were as far as i remember a kind of soft toy range. You know Care Bears?

Were a soft toy range, but they were also a cartoon. Yeah, but I don't know if there's a cartoon series for Care Bears. I just know there were bears that looked like Frankenstein and one that looked like Dracula a little bit. That's pretty cool. I would have gone with those. I like the horror toys. Yeah.

So there's a few comic strips in there. Here's what it says in the book. Okay. Welcome to the Cartoon A book, which has been compiled with the help of many international cartoonists artists all who have contributed their talents and work to bring you this a unique and fulfilled book we hope this edition brings you a great deal of enjoyment and thank you for further supporting the campaign to bring relief to many suffering children of the world thank you for

helping make the children smile at least it doesn't say and do they know it's christmas or something like that do you know i mean something terrible like that all net proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to band-aid trust for famine relief so it is part of the whole uh live aid it is yes so it's the same charity essentially isn't it oh look he does introduce it max headroom does introduce it yeah it's been introduced quote unquote by max headroom i think max headroom is one of the most sort of, basically one of the greatest characters of the 80s. He is, because he's so 80s, isn't he?

Because he's like a pretend. Well, he was a puppet. He was one minute in the future, wasn't he? He was a puppet. Wasn't a puppet. He was an actor. It was Matt Fewer

or whatever it is. That's true, yes. And he just did the jerky things. But, yeah. Max Headroom, I don't know if we've covered in the show before. Were there not,

but there were puppets as well. Was it that time when he... No, you're going to get confused with Spitting Image, I think, when they did a puppet. Max Headroom, I don't know if we've covered in the show before. Were there not? But there were puppets as well. Was it that time when he... No, you're going to get confused with spitting image I think when they did a puppet of Max Headroom.

They did do a puppet of Max Headroom. I think you're conflating a lot of information. Didn't they use a Max Headroom or was it...

You know there's famously that interrupted TV broadcast where someone pirated. Did they use a mask in that or was it a puppet?

No, they used a mask and then a guy got his arse out got his arse spanking for those who don't know the story goes that sometime in the

I want to say late 80s maybe early 90s but anyway what happened was I think it was a local network TV station that was playing Doctor Who suddenly had it's network

hacked it was playing Doctor Who at the time yeah it was a Tom Baker episode I don't know which one but there's a link up because he's always

one minute in the future so it's a time travel sort of thing don't know which one. But there's a link up because he's always one minute in the future. So it's a time travel sort of thing. So someone hacked the broadcast and then wearing a Max Headroom mask and then a sheet of corrugated iron

in the background moving left and right to give the fake Max Headroom look. I used to love that look. It's mostly unintelligible but he's saying things like I've been a naughty boy

I'm going to get spanked and there's a hand off screen with a spatula coming in to smack his bare bottom unsolved mystery it was unsolved no one knows no one's come forward there's a really good article online somewhere that where someone tried to look into it and there are loads of theories about why and how but no real who it's an interesting story it makes me feel it's a bit spooky as well it's a bit spooky because the voices are modulated to be like it's spooky that no one's come forward because it's so famous do you know what i mean and like so what was behind you would have been in spent time in jail for doing that it's a big offense

but now would you still go to jail well no these days no one would need to because you could just go on youtube and wear a stupid mask and get your ass out and go oh i'm subversive actually interrupting a live broadcast on what american tv was it? Yeah. It was like a little, I want to say like a local news. It was like nationwide. Yes. Local news is probably easier to hack in that way. But it still would take a lot of fucking effort to do that. Yeah, but it's probably easier than a national news.

Easier than maybe national, yes. But still, it involves having a lot of tech at your disposal. You know, satellite dish hacking or whatever. It's bizarre. It's bizarre that it hasn't been done more. And that's the most famous instance. There's obviously one person involved in that incident, but we'll never know who was involved.

Maybe they'll come forward. Well, I mean, there's still a lot. If it's only like 30 years ago. If Netflix put a fucking tweet out saying, we want to make a documentary about this moment in time, who knows? I bet some would reach out because they want a little bit of that Tiger King type fame.

I would watch that. I'd watch it yeah so we've got Max Hedrum is introducing the book isn't he and he doesn't say much because who fucking wrote it

he's all kind of like oh I don't want people to think I'm jumping on the bandwagon but oh this is really good yeah it's really good this but he that was his thing

he was a TV presenter wasn't he so it's sort of apt that he presents something he had a Christmas special well no that Christmas special was what launched

the whole thing it was a Channel 4 mini movie type thing and then it became a series that was filmed in America no no no but there was like

a New Year's Eve or a Christmas where he just presented the whole TV for the whole evening oh that would have come much later then yes

it's an interesting story not the Christmas special it wasn't a Christmas special the movie it was just a movie yeah but I'm sure that was shown on TV on Channel 4 originally

yes I saw it great do you want a badge yes I saw Max Hedren It wasn't a Christmas special. The movie was just a movie. Yeah, but I'm sure that was shown on TV on Channel 4 originally. Yes. I saw it. Great. Do you want a badge? Yes. I'd like an I Saw Max Hedren First Time Around badge, please. All right, good. Here's your badge.

That's not a real badge. No, I know, but I don't have a badge that says, Eli, congratulations on watching Max. Did you put it on my sphincter? No, that's not your sphincter. That's your hand. Yeah, it was doing the OK sign upside down. Pretend sphincter.

If that's what yours looks like. Oh, mate sign upside down pretend that's not if that's what yours looks like oh mate don't tongue punching it don't you're dirty boy i'm so over let's go let's go through the book and uh pop out some comics that interest us now you want to talk about winnie the pooh ah now winnie the pooh is definitely the print has gone wrong hasn't it because he's the wrong color unless he's very dark in these... He is, but I'm thinking that's just because it's been reprinted from some source for the sake of this book. These are all, I think, collated from other comic books.

They weren't written for it, you don't think? No, I think, like, because there's a Spider-Man and Superman and a Batman story in here. I think they're taken from the original comics. Like, for instance, the whole stories are in this. Like, four or five issues are included as one segment. So that, yeah, well, you need to, because you want to get to the end of the story, don't you?

Yeah. But it's nice that they even did that, because they could have easily just gone, here's issue 47 of this Spider-Man story, and that's all you're getting. But they put the whole arc in, which is nice. Well, yeah, they would need to. I think that was a good decision.

You're right. It's like he's been abroad to Ibiza. You don't, but your hair doesn't tan. Winnie the Pooh's been on. The bear's hair doesn't tan. Yeah, your hair can go more faint or whatever. Yeah, it wouldn't go darker, would it, if he'd gone to Ibiza? No, but what I'm saying is...

It would go lighter. He's dyed his hair. Oh, he's dyed it. He wants to appear on Naked Jungle or whatever it is. Winnie the Pooh's Naked Jungle. And he's dyed his hair to look more sexy for the producers. What was that rabbit called in Winnie the Pooh? Rabbit, I think.

Really? I think it's just called Rabbit. And he got Tigger. Piglet, and that's Piglet. Oh, yeah, that's Piglet. T the Pooh? Rabbit, I think. Really? I think it's just called Rabbit. And you've got Tigger. Piglet, and that's Piglet. Oh, yeah, that's Piglet. Tigger doesn't... Not in this strip. Oh, that's stupid, isn't it?

In this strip, it looks like Pooh's hiding. Tigger's a bit of a... And he's playing... A scrappy-do, though, isn't he? No, everyone loves Tigger. Tigger jumps up and down and shit, doesn't he? Yeah, everyone likes him. You just don't like him because he's happy and upbeat and enthusiastic,

and you hate those things. Oh, no, no, shut up. Now, here's my Winnie the Pooh story. Oh, you've got one? I was, my dad used to read Winnie the Pooh to me. Right.

And he bought me all the books, yeah? Yeah. Christopher Robin, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. In a little multi-pack. Yeah, a little compendium thing. Yeah, but they were separate books

but they all slid into a little case. You know, have you seen those ones? Cardboard sort of case. Yeah, you get like Mr. Men ones like that. And I was so anti-capitalist as a child. Right, here we go.

I couldn't take the fact that it had the publisher's manufacturer, the logo on the back of these. It sullied the pureness

of the whole story. You didn't like the fact that on the side it said like Penguin Publishing or whatever. It was Magnet. I remember distinctly the publisher he had was magnet.

And you hated seeing that on the spine of your perfect spine. It made me feel like the capitalist enterprise before I could even articulate this kind of idea, the capitalist enterprise had besmirched this artwork. I was a twat. But I literally

took a crayon and blacked it out so that my books would be pure. See, there's the metaphor, isn't it? You've ruined it, though. They're not pure anymore because you vandalized them with your crayon. I know, but they don't have the grubby sign of cells. No, but you've ruined them with your own horrible scrawlings. I was a child.

Can I remember you that? I remember you that. But I was a child who had very progressive anti-capitalist thoughts before I even knew what they were. You can take the piss, but I think that's an interesting poo story. Well, it's not, because I thought it was going to be something like, I don't know, you had a Winnie the Pooh book, and it made you cry, and everyone laughed at you. You know that last one?

Have you ever read the whole Winnie the Pooh? I don't think I have. There is a very sad when he has to grow up. Christopher Robin has to grow up. And leave poo. I was like, I am not happy about this at all. There is a very sad when he has to when he has to grow up Christopher Robin has to grow up and leave Pooh I was like I am not happy about this at all

Really It's very close to my heart I have to say Winnie the Pooh the original books Oh really Yeah Who's your favourite character

Pooh Yeah Because he's lazy and doesn't do much He's not lazy He's always lazy and grumpy Hello

No Pooh is lazy isn't he No Pooh is lazy because he takes shortcuts He's a headless isn't he and he's just like free love No he's just like Winnie the Pooh's into free love No he? No, Pooh is lazy because he takes shortcuts to your head. He's a headless, isn't he? Yeah. And he's just like, free love. No, he's just like, Winnie the Pooh's into free love.

No, he's not because he doesn't have a winky. He's got a honeypot. He doesn't have a rub patch. He has a lovely, we're on the bears again. Yeah, he's got a lovely, get the frottage on the poo hole.

Honeypot. He's got a dirty honeypot. He likes to, in the tree. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go in there and do this, Paul.

Open my mouth. Yeah. I'll go sit in the honeypot in the tree. Ready to receive Winnie the Pooh's honey. Like that. With a mask on. Yeah. Like with black gaffer tape covering.

As Winnie the Pooh tosses off into your mouth. It just reminds me of that. Remember that story about the urinal? And they looked and there was a urinal in some pub or something. And they were like, what's going on? What's going on? And it was, in fact, some guy's head in a sort of mask thing with a mouth open. Yeah, having his face pissed on.

Yeah, he loved it. It wasn't exactly just staring out the urinal. It was like in a pipe underneath that he'd done something with. But he could see someone's eye winking down in the urinal, couldn't he? And that's why he went downstairs. And there was some guy going, oh, I just hated it. I love pissing the face. What else we got here, Paul?

Well, here's the interesting thing about the book because yeah, there's so many styles in there that you go from Winnie the Pooh and Tom and Jerry to on the next page,

Judge Dredd. Judge Dredd. Did you used to read those? Never did. I never read 20, what's it called? 2000 AD. I didn't read 2000 AD so much

but they used to, when I used to collect comics, they used to publish compendiums of like a whole month's worth of Dredd in its own magazine which was like the dimensions and the worth of dread in its own magazine which was like this the dimensions and the format of a marvel or dc yeah okay so rather than the noose

print which is what the 2008 so it's more like a graphic novel no but it's exactly like a copy of spider-man or something okay like a glossy sort of mag i think they call them comags at one point those ones you know like a comic, but with a magazine finish. Yes. Right. And it would be four weeks worth of Judge Dredd, one whole arc. Of the whole story. I used to love those.

And they had the fatties. Do you remember those stories? You never read them? No, I never read them. They're very... There was basically... The extent of my knowledge of Judge Dredd is a few bits of trivia and the two movies. It's basically, on one level, it's sort of like an action sci-fi comic for kids but on another quite clear level it's it's social satire about america yeah nihilism and fascism and yeah because

he's a fascist isn't it yeah he is he's the judge um jury and executioner he is he's the judge jury and executioner so i misspoke so you're gonna just jump on anything you're gonna jump i do not it's when you get a conceptual and semantic mix-up. That's when I'll stop you. Anyway, this one's called Judge Dredd in Pinboing Wizard. And it looks like you've written this because... Oh, wicked. This is, look, boing.

I love this. There's the words chugga-chugga-zing in here. So it's like you've written this. This is that stuff. You spray it on yourself and then you bounce around. Classic story. Love this story. And you can jump off a building and bounce all everywhere. There's a whole craze that Judge Dredd has to stop. Yeah, that's it. Classic story. Love this story. And on the table. You can jump off a building and bounce all everywhere.

Yeah, that's what this is about. There's a whole place that Judge Dredd has to stop. Yeah, that's what this is about. Classic. There's all the rolling balls bouncing around in a giant real pinball machine. That really grabbed my imagination

and his bike is fucking excellent as well, man, with the chunky tires. Yeah, I do like his bike. Did you like the film? The second one's great, but the first one's awful. There you go. That's my hot take. Dredd? Yeah. Yeah, they just put it up on netflix yeah dread so i like watching dread yeah

it's good it's not i mean it's no masterpiece no but it's like it's got a nice robocop flavor to it yes no it's a tidy little uh sci-fi actioner i'm like the the um judge uh sylvester sloan i am the judge or whatever it's just isn't he how does he sleep at night good on him but yeah here's the next one you wanted to talk about in this book

you've got nothing to say about Judge Dredd I don't know too much about Judge Dredd there was other stories in those Judge Dredd mags have you ever heard about the Harlem

Globetrotters no were they guests in it like no not the Harlem they're the real ones aren't they yeah

they were called what were they called there was this future sport which was a bit like rollerball, with a big metal ball. Right, speedball. And you had jetpacks. Oh, okay. You had jetpacks.

Yeah. And you... I don't care, we're moving on. Hogan's Heroes. No, that's a sitcom about people, American soldiers in a POW during the Second World War. It was good. Right, great.

Right, here's the next one you want to talk about in the book. D'Artagnan's Birthday from D'Artagnan. Did you used to the next one you want to talk about in the book. Dog Tanyan's birthday from Dog Tanyan. Did you used to watch that? We used to watch that in boarding school. Row, row, row, row, row, row, row. But muskerhounds are always ready. One for all, one for one. Helping everybody.

It was that. And then before or after that, you know what was always on? Yeah. Cities of gold. In the 80s in the UK. Ah, cities of Gold. In the 80s in the UK. Cities of Gold. Were they French or just general European cartoons that were re-dubbed for the UK market?

Cities of Gold was Japanese, I believe. Originally. Because it had those sort of manga-ish characters. So it was Dark Italian then? No, that was French. Okay, and the other one I'm thinking of is, obviously, for me, my favourite one was... Planet Force.

No, my favourite one was... That Force. No, my favourite one was... That's obviously Japanese. You're thinking of Battle of the Planets. Battle of the Planets. Yeah. Sweet. That was the best, wasn't it? No, my favourite was 80 Days Around the World with Phileas Fogg.

That's another one I think... 80 Days Around the World. I think that was all French as well, or Spanish. And the other one was what? European. Ulysses 51 or something. Phileas Fogg was a dog in that, right? Wasn't he a panther or something?

Like a cat panther? Yeah, he wasn't human though, was he? No. Now, these are cartoons that they used to show weekdays at about five. Is that right? Four or five in the afternoon. Kids' TV hour. With the broom cupboard and Andy Crane.

You know what? It's like with everyone homeschooling at the moment with their kids and stuff. It's almost like a disadvantage that we're not in an era where TV was scheduled like that. Because then you'd sort of do homeschooling at the moment with their kids and stuff it's almost like a disadvantage that we're not in an era where tv was scheduled like that because then you sort of do homeschooling and then they'd have something to look forward to yeah but now it's like i can watch it now yeah why should i why should i do my school now if i can just watch whatever the fuck i want you like order don't you you like to be you like a schedule you know what i'm getting at i don't understand what you mean but like that kind of structure that television programs gave because they were scheduled

does sort of it helps with sanity doesn't it because it's like I'm looking forward to this now I'm watching this thing I guess it gives structure to time

whereas if everything's always available you know I could wake up at four in the morning and watch He-Man you're right yeah do you know what I mean and Josh off to it

that's where I draw the line you don't draw the line. I drew it. You never draw a line. I drew the line. I dribble a line. You don't. And you can't cross it.

You stand over there, get your spoff cannon out. Oh, look. There's Spider-Man in the book now. Oh, Spider-Man was my favourite. I used to collect all of the comics, Spider-Man comics. Did you? What was your favourite story from Spider-Man times? I used to collect Web of.

Yeah. Peter Parker, The Spectacular. Yeah. And they're all spider-man the amazing that was the other one the amazing spider-man right all separate ones so what did so the peter parker one was that just him as peter parker tossing about and that was the peter parker the spectacular that was like yeah but what was that what did he do in that though was he still spider-man in all of them well then why do they need separate comic books, then? Because he was that big, man. They could get four titles a month going.

And I used to want to buy them all, because it's Spider-Man. This is the spectacular Spider-Man. That's the other one. The amazing, spectacular Web of and Peter Parker. Lovely. The lovely Spider-Man. No one ever said that, did they? Well, he wasn't lovely.

The cavalier Spider-Man. Well, he's quite dismissive and snarky, isn't he, really? This story that they've added in here is, and the men shall call him Octopus. Oh, there's a quote from Lord Byron at the start.

Is it the origin of the... I don't think so. ...of Doctor Octopus? I don't think so. Doctor Octopus is an excellent villain as well. Yeah, and a great thing to say. I like saying Doctor Octopus. And have we ever covered

that Marvel record I've got with Doctor Octopus on the show with dr octopus on the show we should cover that one day it's like um it's marvel sings marvel sings i don't know if we have then we should do that there's one excellent tune which is dr octopus i think we need to do that hey doc dr doctor now i don't know if we've done it or not dr doctor dr octopus i might need to look check on that because i don't Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor Puss. I might need to check on that, because I don't know if we've done it or not. It's like they're all singing along. Anyway, there's a quote from Lord Byroners.

The sky has changed, and such a change. O night and storm and darkness, ye are wondrous strong. I think that's one of the tropes that Stan Lee always used to put. I have to piss. So talk about your favorite spider-man story while i piss because i've got to you've ruined it for me now i have to i'm in so much discomfort i'll keep talking when you come back i'm not going to do it by myself no i'm not talking about anything i'm having a little rest Armored Gideon

Annihilates all demons who break through into the real world Rogue Trooper Fighting to stay alive on New Earth Mambo Endowed with special side powers She releases the new world Slane Battles into his future to fight the invading Caesareans

Judge Dredd. Judge, jury and executioner. 2000 AD. Read it, creep. Communication terminated. 2000 AD. The future is here. Hey, did you hear that?

Shut up. That was my longest pee I've ever done. So I think that the literary quote is a trope that Stan Lee is it written by Stan Lee this one? No. Bill Mantlo is the author. Oh yes he wrote it.

Rick Buckler and Jim Mooney are the artists. Maybe it's a Mantlo trope but I remember there were often Jim's shooter is Head Honcho.

He's the editor in chief yeah. It's the shooter period. What's the best story then quickly? The best Spider-Man story? Yeah your favourite. I used to like

where he was against the Kingpin. Is that the big dude? I like the Kingpin, I like the Lizard. He was a good baddie. Oh yeah, Green Goblin? I love Green Goblin. We love them all, don't you? I do, I love Spider-Man. Yeah, did you like that film? It really appealed to me, I think what really appeals

about the comics is that he's a young adult. So he makes mistakes. He's almost like an older brother. When you're reading him if you're ten or something, he's like he a young adult so he's almost like an older brother when you're reading him if you're 10 or something he's like he's not that he's not so old

that he's entirely in the world of adults yeah he's putting his foot in the toe in yeah so it's like he's got something you know that you learn

with his mistakes and his decisions yeah well you can think that I could be in that position in a few years time it's closer to you do you know what I mean

yeah I just think he's great no he is I like him and we both like that into the spidey verse film or whatever and that that into the spider verse film was the first time i've watched like a cartoon and it gave me the shivers because it it took me back to the joy of getting those issues every month nice because it has that comic effect in the film, like flicking through panels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it has that approved by the comics code

at the beginning. All of that just got me in the nostalgia thing. My problem was, is I saw it on a plane, and so I didn't quite get the awe and scope of it. And I enjoyed it, but I go, I wish I'd seen that on a big screen first.

I saw it on a big screen in the States, but one problem, very comfy seats, they go back and everything, cup holders. There was a lady sitting next to me, by herself, watching the film by herself. She had stuff to say about every single scene. Every single fucking scene. Was she talking like, oh no, don't do that.

Yeah, basically. Don't go in there, because he's in there. Don't go in there, Spider-Man. Yeah, and she'd answer characters. Like, you're, don't do that. Yeah, basically. Don't go in there because he's in there. Don't go in there, Spider-Man. And she'd answer characters. Like, you're not the Spider-Man. Oh yes, he is, lady. Or something like that. Do you know what I mean?

You know what I mean? Come on, love. Oh no, she's Dr. Octopus. Or, you know, because that's a spoiler. That's a great scene. Yeah, it is that. All that's great.

Lots of fun. Five popcorn bags out of five. We both enjoyed that film. It's on Netflix now. Yeah, it is. Well worth watching if you haven't seen it even if you don't really like spider-man i think it stands up as just a great piece of art it does but that's why it does something that a lot of superheroes films haven't managed to do which is appeal to me as an old fan of the actual character but still be modern and new that it appeals to like kids and things standalone like you said yeah it is standalone what else we got? Well, the centre of the book is quite interesting

because it's got a section where, and I don't know how they've done this, but they've asked... Is that Mazza McCartney? Well, listen, the segment's called Who Do You Love? And they've asked, quote-unquote, celebrities what their favourite cartoon characters are. Is that Billy Joel?

I can go through them now. I can't see their faces. Is that Sheena Easton on there? I'll tell you what. I'll read out the celebrity and you guess what their favourite cartoon character is. So, Paul McCartney. Rupert the Bear.

Yeah, because at that time he just released Rupert and the Frog Song, hadn't he? And did we like Rupert and the Frog Song? I think it gets a bad rap. When people go, oh, John Lennon wouldn't have done that. It's like, no, John Lennon at some point in his career would have done his version of a frog song type kids thing.

Possibly. Well, he already was writing... He was writing kids books about little animals at the time in his career, would have done his version of a frog song type kids thing. Possibly. Well, he already was writing. He was writing kids books about little animals at the time. He did, didn't he? But he died before anything happened with those. He did do that, didn't he? And then 20 odd years later, Yoko Ono tried to sell him as plush dolls. I went to a toy fair in about 2001, I think.

And there was like, John Lennon, imagine soft toy pets based on his drawings. Oh God, and they were like 200 quid or something. No, but they were, you know, they're trying to be beanie Babies, but with John Lennon's name all over it. She's a business lady. Yeah. Tom Cruise. Everyone has a favorite. What does Tom Cruise,

Tom Cruise's favorite? It'd be something psychotic. These are all ledger. I don't know how honest they are. I don't know how true these are. Bugs Bunny. Spider-Man. Yeah.

Especially these days with him swinging off this, that, and the other. He thinks he's Spider-Man, doesn't he? He does in his movies, doesn't he? In his movies, he thinks he's Spider-Man. Spider-Man not really into strange cultish religions. No. And forcing wives not to scream during childbirth.

Is that what they do? Yeah, you're not allowed to make any noise during childbirth in Scientology. Why? Because the spirits will come in? I don't know, bad fetons or something. The fetons will hear it. Who fucking knows? Come and affect the child with lack of confidence. Whitney Houston.

Who do you think she likes? This one surprised me. Yosemite Sam? Batman. I don't believe that for a second. Don't you? Oh, no. Is there a quote from her?

If there's a long quote. I want to dance with somebody like Batman. Whitney Houston. Who's your favourite comic book character? And I will always love Batman. Yeah, there you go. Okay. Larry Hagman, who's J.R. Hartley.

Probably a rich... Who's a rich cartoon character? No. This will surprise you. It's a Marvel character, though. I'll give you that. Another Marvel character. They made this up.

I think so, but let's just go with it. Thor. Incredible Hulk. Oh, fuck off. I always loved the Hulk. I loved this up. I think so, but let's just go with it. Thor. Incredible Hulk. Oh, fuck off. I always loved the Hulk. I loved the Hulk. Yeah, everyone likes the Hulk except for me.

Right, so, Madonna. Roger Rabbit. I don't think Roger Rabbit was out at that time. Here's a Disney character, though. Mickey. No.

No, you were close, though. Minnie. Yeah, Minnie Mouse. Oh, there's a load. I got that one right. See, this is where I think no one asked anyone these questions because I'll just give you an example.

They asked Paul Newman, you know, Hollywood actor, the steam. Wherever I... No, Paul Newman. Paul Newman. Yeah. No, not that Paul Young.

Too weirdly. Although Paul Young was asked. Yeah, was he? Yeah. Are you shitting me? And he said he liked Scooby Doo. Let me see. He popped up every fucking where, didn't he, Paul Young?

He was an 80s artist then. He was a big star, wasn't he? Right, so Paul Newman apparently, I don't believe this for a second, likes Top Cat. Nah, I don't think he does. Nah, he didn't know what Top Cat was. He's like Paul Newman, the Hollywood star. Paul Newman was almost a comic character of his own.

Was he? Appearing on Newman's own dressing bottles. Did you ever see those? Oh, yeah, his drawings of his face on his sauce bottles. There was a character of his own. Was he? Appearing on Newman's own dressing bottles. Did you ever see those? Oh, yeah. They were drawn, weren't they? It was a drawing of his face. I always was kind of creeped out by those rows and rows of Newman faces looking at me from the dressing. You've got nothing for that.

I've got nothing for that because I don't care. Right. Michael Jackson likes... Who do you think Michael Jackson likes? This is an easy one. Come on. Literally. Peter Pan.

No. Although that's actually a good guess yes um give me clue no not Paul Daniels um whiz bit it's more now that would be made that would be good no um hi plural that sounds still like oh Mickey Mickey Mouse yeah that's good yeah Tom and Jerry is apparently Phil Collins' favourite fucking cartoon strip. And The Sting likes The Flintstones. I don't believe that for a second. Sting, God.

Sting likes fucking. And then what's the last one? Kate Bush. She likes Paddington Bear, apparently. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Oh, no, hang on. David Bowie. Who do you think his favourite cartoon character is?

Marvin the Martian? No. Good guess. Come on, good guess. It's a good guess. No, he likes Mandrake the Magician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course he would. Who's Mandrake?

Was he Marvel? I don't know. He was pre... Because Marvel's got Steve Strange. Yeah, Doctor Strange. I don't know. I don't know.

Mandrake was Marvel as well. Apparently Dustin Hoffman likes Popeye. Annie Lennox likes Garfield. Oh, fuck off. Everyone likes Garfield. That'snox liked Garfield. Oh, fuck off. Everyone likes Garfield. That's bullshit. And George Michael liked Peanuts.

Peanuts. Sorry. Oh, dear. Oh, yeah. Prince likes Casper the Friendly Ghost. Fuck off. Maybe he does. That was big in the States, Casper.

Bigger than it was here, wasn't it? They didn't show Casper here. Yeah, because it was all the Archie comics, wasn't it? That's what it's from. Oh, is it Archie? Yeah. Now, here's the interesting one. In this book, there's a comic strip, and I don't know where it's from. Oh, is it Archie? Yeah. Now, here's the interesting one. In this book,

there's a comic strip and I don't know where it's from. Maybe you know, listening out there. Leave a comment below. Whoever you leave comments. Frank Sidebottom's

fantastic page. Hello, readers. I got a fantastic letter today. Whose head has he got underneath? He takes his head off at one point at the end of that. Does he?

Yeah, look. No, that's someone else. That's Paul McCartney coming to his house. Why is McCartney popping up in there? Well, the cartoon strip is. I'll read it. I. No, that's someone else. That's Paul McCartney coming to his house. Why is McCartney popping up in there? Well, the cartoon strip is. I'll read it.

I'll do it in the voice. Here we go. Oh, God. Hello, readers. I've got a fantastic letter today. Dear Frank, I will pop around

to see you on your cartoon aid page. Cheers, mate. Paul McCartney. And then there's a box that says, let me out. And inside, there's little Frank.

Remember, he had a puppet, little Frank. Little Frank. Yeah. And he goes's a box that says let me out and inside there's little Frank. Remember he had a puppet little Frank. Little Frank. Yeah. And there he goes, who's that letter from? It's from Paul McCartney actually. He's come round to see me. What mouse? And then the mouse turns up and he goes. What mouse? What what mouse? There's a mouse. It just says a mouse and a mouse turned up on the next page. When does the mouse introduce?

I don't understand when the mouse is coming up. I don't know. You better stop that mouse. What mouse? Is Paul McCartney here yet? Hey you, get back on on your page so maybe he's a mouse from another comic strip oh this looks like it's been made bespoke for the actual book that's what i was going to ask you think it has been yeah it looks like it and then so there was no existing frank's side bottom cartoon it might have been i don't know but he was he involved with the show the live aid show i don't think so knock knock that's paul m McCartney now and then Paul McCartney comes in and then surprise, surprise,

it was really Mr. Lake in a mask. Blimey, I've been fooled by my old ventriloquist puppet and by my good friend, Mr. Lake. Laugh at it. Much, much later. That's the strip. They've got lots of stuff in here,

don't they? It's nice. I wonder if there was a Frank Sidebottom cartoon in like, I don't know, Looking or something. I don't think so. I don't think so, but...

He was too subversive. And this is F. Sidebottom, 1987, so maybe... Wasn't he an artist, the guy who played him? Chris Seavey,

something like that. Wasn't he an artist as well? I don't know. I think he may have been, because I think he drew that, yeah. But that's fascinating to me that he just like,

do you want to do a cartoon strip and maybe he did it himself? Maybe it's bespoke for the book. I believe he was an artist. is what i think here's something i want to quickly touch on because obviously this comes from some kind of generic walt disney comic book thing where they've created new characters borrowers uh no this is the great mouse detective basil my favorite disney cartoon isn't isn't it one of the low point ones no it was the kind of first success they kind of had in the 80s,

but it wasn't the success they were going to have with Little Mermaids onwards. It was the beginning of the ship turning in the right direction because the middle, most of the 80s,

like Fox and the Hound, Black Cauldron, they'd been massive disasters and underplayed. No one went to see them? No, Fox and the Hound underplayed

and I believe the Black Cauldron was just outright flopped. Really? Yeah, I say the joke, on the played and I believe the black cauldron was just outright flopped really yeah I say the joke but the story was that year was

the Care Bears movie was up against the black cauldron this Disney film that was the most expensive Disney film of all time at that point up against something

that looked like it cost a fiver you know what I mean and it smashed the box office that year but what happened to the Care Bears movie nothing

it was an evil book and it was so you saw it I went to see the black cauldron I went happens in the Care Bears movie? Nothing. It was an evil book. And it wants to make kids sad. So you saw it? Yeah. I saw the cinema. I went to see The Black

Cauldron. I went to see The Care Bears. Because you know what? The Black Cauldron was another novel that my dad read to me. Yeah. It was like a trilogy.

Yeah. It's not his dark materials, but it's the dark something. It's very, very similar to Lord of the Rings. Yes. Very similar.

And Narnia. Yeah. It's not a genre I'm fond of I used to like it as a child but I do remember I had lots of figurines because in Kellogg's

Cornflakes they had little black cauldron plastic figures and I had the Demon Lord or whatever he's called yeah he's pretty cool

the horns yeah I had one of them and apparently in was it Tokyo Disneyland there was a ride under the castle

which no other Disneyland had and it was like a walkthrough attraction of like all demons and monsters and bad guys from Disney like all the villains

were living down there yeah he's the finale with this big demon overlord comes out from behind this rocker okay so they haven't totally well

shuffled it that's closed now because it was too scary and too expensive to run and Tokyo Disneyland was running on a loss anyway because it was a bit of a flop but is it still going Tokyo Disneyland yeah yeah yeah it loss anyway because it was a bit of a flop.

But is it still going, Tokyo Disneyland? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like Euro Disney. It's keeping its head bobbing along. It's doing all that. Is Tokyo Disneyland where they're going to have the Mario World? No, it's Universal.

So it's only the Universal places. But we got a bonk when we saw that. I want to go to Super Mario World. I'll go in there. I want to go on the Mario Kart ride. I want to go on the Yoshi ride. I want to go on...

So why do you mention because you like that film? Because I have a big... I love... go on the Mario Kart ride I want to go on the Yoshi ride I want to go on so why do you mention because you like that film because I have a big I love the thing is Basil Great Mag Detective ticks off a lot of the things I like

I like Victoriana I like Sherlock Holmes stuff Victoriana I like Disney cartoons in general and it's got Sherlock Holmes

as a mouse basically yeah basically he lives under 221B Baker Street and the adventures oh he literally is but he's not called Sherlock

no he's called Sherlock Mouse. No, he's called Basil and his friend's called Watson. No, his friend's called... Oh, shit. I literally just forgot. But do you think they actually adapted

some of Conan Doyle's... Dawson. Right. No, they didn't. They were based on a children's book. I can't remember the name of the author

right now, but she wrote these little adventures called Basil and Baker Street. Do you want to let me finish your fucking sentence? Baker Street. Go on.

It just occurred to me. Do you want to let me finish a fucking sentence? Boat Street. Go on. It just occurred to me. Do you remember the Rats of Nym? Yeah. That's a Don Bluth cartoon. That's Don Bluth. That's around the same time, isn't it? A bit before, actually. This was, I think, 18...

Was that a hit? The Rats of Nym. Yeah. Don Bluth. Not a huge one, but it was a hit. I read the novel of that. I had it read to me again yeah

do you read any books just dad told you everything my dad used to read a lot to me I'm sorry am I privileged did he read Fountainhead to you did he no he never read

did he read the Fountainhead Iron Rand did he read Atlas Shrugged to you he never read any Iron Rand to me he didn't no he read

Crowley the whole of Narnia yeah Treasure Island Rural Doll All the whole of narnia yeah uh treasure island all the doll including the autobiography yeah um boy boy one and two boy and going solo yeah have you read those yeah yeah doesn't mention how much of a fucking huge racist he is in them like everything everything i like is ruined by my reality it really is isn't it can't like all me gary glitter hits anymore can't watch me tapes

of jim will fix it gary glitters hits are all right he doesn't say oh i'm i'm a big p in them but they infer it that's kind of they infer it do you want to touch me there yeah oh yeah oh something like that yeah so anyway i love basil the masked detective so for me it was like oh it's disappointing that disney kind of forgot about it so to see comic strips it's kind of like oh a little bit more i like these characters a little bit more time me it was like oh it's disappointing that Disney kind of forgot about it so to see comic strips it's kind of like oh a little bit more I like these characters a little bit more time with them

and I think that's why these comic books existed for Disney is that they kind of let these characters breathe outside of their forms well I think they've sold loads of comics over the years

hasn't like the Mickey Mouse comic run for years and years and years yeah the popular ones all the and Pluto and stuff the Donald Duck universe stuff

yeah I can't remember the name of the artist there but obviously that's where DuckTales sprang from. It sprang from a comic originally, DuckTales. Yeah. DuckTales is very heavily influenced by this series of comics.

What else is there in this that we can talk about? Oh, I don't know. I just pointed this out because I don't know where it comes from. Action Gran. No idea. And have you got Super Gran in there as well? No, there's no Super Gran because that was... It's just Action Gran.

No. Maybe this is the copyright infringement avoiding version of Supergran. 1986 ILMC publications. I don't know what that is. But basically it says... Perhaps they couldn't get the rights for Supergran because it was on telly or something. I don't know, but she doesn't... Listen, so it says Action Gran, guide to shopping at the January sales.

So it's prescient. We can talk about that now. One, so it's a little old lady. It's not particularly well drawn, but one, use your own transport if much easier. And then the little granny's

putting on rocket propelled... So she's more of a stunt woman than an actual superhero. Avoid shopping trolleys or bulky objects to get in the way. And so she's got a great big trolley. Look, they've got Love Is on the back.

Yeah, they're all here. Love Is. Do you remember Love Is? It's two naked children. Who are in love. Yeah. Why was that good? It wasn't good,

especially when they're in the loo and you had to look at his little winky whilst you're in the loo, Paul, in someone's house. No, he didn't have a winky. He did. Did he? You saw his little nubgy.

I thought he just had a little patch. He had a little nubgy out. A little what? Nubgy. Oh, fuck. Anyway, it's just this old lady saying, don't do this. It's a weird...

Action Gran. We need facts about Action Gran. I don't know where it's from, but it's not particularly funny. Try. Should I try? The Action Gran. And I'll look at this next...

Oh, there's a Muppet Show book. The Action Gran cartoon. Middleton's Funky Winker Bean. The Action Gran. Funky Winker Bean. Eli, there's a character called Funky Winker Bean. Funky Winker Bean? Funky Winkerbean. The Action Gran. Funky Winkerbean. Eli, there's a character called Funky Winkerbean. Funky Winkerbean? Funky Winkerbean.

Funky Winkerbean. That's not a real comic character. It looks like it. Funky Winkerbean. Do you know... I'm sure you've written a lot of these. Funky Winkerbean. Livy.

Drabble. Ruin. Spurft. Mr. Spurft. Yeah, there's a character called Mr Spurft there isn't I can't see any of these it's

oh the Muppets there's all Muppets do you know I went to see the Muppets being filmed when I was five have you talked about that on the podcast before I may have yes

do you want to do it quickly I went to see them being filmed in Elstree when I was five why and I went backstage because my friend's dad

was friendly with Jim Henson, basically. Oh, yeah. I went backstage, I saw a wall full of Miss Piggies and Kermits and then Frank Oz himself did fucking... Miss Piggy. No.

Kermit. Fozzie Bear. Fozzie. He did Fozzie for you. Can you imagine? That would be great and he spoke to you directly. He was there sitting on a chair

and he had Fozzie Puppet on his head and he did it. And you got a bespoke performance from Fozzie Bear. I was five. That's the most amazing match out of memory. It is very, very good.

And you know, you watched them doing their numbers and they're all sort of walking beneath the stage. That's how they do a lot of it on the stage, doesn't it? Yeah. Cool.

And it didn't lose the magic for you even though you saw that sausage. No, because that's the fucking great thing about the Muppets. It's proper puppetry where it didn't lose the magic for you. No. Even though you saw that sausage. No, because that's the fucking great thing about the Muppets. It's proper puppetry where it doesn't, you're not trying to pretend that it's, you are animating it. Yeah.

You are, do you know what I mean? Yeah. And so there's all those clips he used to do, Henson used to do all the games. Chat shows and stuff. Chat shows. And he's just sitting there with the puppet on. And everyone's still looking.

He doesn't do a ventriloquism. No. He just talks. And he's still, you know what I mean? It doesn't matter. If you're that skilled, it doesn't matter because the focus is on the puppet on and everyone still doesn't do a ventriloquism he just talks and he's still it you know what i mean doesn't matter if you're that skilled it doesn't matter because the focus is on the puppet because you're animating the puppet well that's what's interesting about like i saw it didn't ruin anything and that's the magic of the muppets for me it doesn't ruin anything because the magic isn't in me believing that these creatures are real no it's the magic is they they are real yeah because they've performed. That's what I'm saying.

I saw Avenue Q, and even though there were actors on stage moving these puppets around, eventually, you genuinely don't even notice they're there. Yes, it's skilled puppetry. It's skilled puppetry. But look, anyway, this book goes on forever, and there's all sorts in there. There's Tintin and Batman and Superman and Love Is and Scout Mouse and Smurfs. I used to want to be a cartoon. I'm so into comics that I used to want to draw them.

Why don't you? Because I don't have the patience. Oh. Or really the draftsmanship. I mean, I could sort of train myself. Yeah, but you could experiment and find your style. We did.

I did try and start a comic when I was at boarding school called Eli Man. Fucking Nora. Is it a twat? Is it a cunt? No. It's Eli Man. Actually, we had high ideals and cunt? No. It's Eli, man.

Actually, we had high ideals and superpowers. Yeah. What superpowers? If you could have any superpowers that anyone had. Yeah, I'd freeze time. No. I want you to have a superpower that an actual superhero would have. I want to freeze time.

Who has that power? No one you can name. Time stopper. No. Here comes the time stopper. All right. Time Stopper. Note. Here comes the Time Stopper. Murderer. All right, well then The Flash. I'm super fast and I can slow time down that way.

You'd do that, you'd do that, would you? Yeah. You'd be The Flash. Yeah. What would you be? Doctor Strange. Yeah. One of those super powerful Marvel ones.

Yeah, all the magic. I'd love to see you as Doctor Strange with your big gut out and a cape on. I'd play Doctor Strange. Whatever, come a batch, come at me. Yeah? I think I out and a cape on. I'd play Dr. Strange. Whatever. Come a batch. Come at me. Yeah. I think I'm in talks, actually, to be the next Steve Strange. Yeah.

Do you want to stop rocking the table? I don't want to do anything for you. I don't want to do anything you ask me. You will behave. Are we going to fucking wrap this shit up? I was just going to say. I've been trying to have a conversation with you. Garfield.

We haven't mentioned him. Well, but he's ubiqu have a conversation with you Garfield we haven't mentioned him he's ubiquitous we all know Garfield don't we and he's like a market market man yeah you know

Charles M. Schultz what do you mean like he sits in a market come on love sausages no he was in marketing the guy who made him yeah because he flogged it

and made millions of pounds from the syndicated strips so well played fair enough and people like it the best one though Calvin and Hobbes I was a big Calvin and Hobbes fan oh. The best one though, Calvin and Hobbes. I was a big Calvin and Hobbes fan.

Oh, I loved, I devoured the Calvin and Hobbes. My friend used to get all the compendiums. Yeah. That's how I kind of discovered them. Not till like my teens, but I did really.

I used to love Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes. I read a lot of Peanuts. Yeah. Yeah. There used to be these trade paperbacks. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember them. You get them in W.A. Smith. Yeah. And you know, there's and you know there's a lot there's a lot to dig in like there's Bino and Dandy stuff in there

but I do want to focus on Bino and Dandy on a later date so we're going to talk about those are if you don't know Bino and Dandy are

seminal British British comics yeah they were on newsprint they weren't the Comags they were on newsprint we'll talk about it in detail

in the future but anyway charity shop fine one quid this is fucking great this is hours of reading material here of all types and tones and you know what i mean small strips couple of panels you learn a bit about the history of uh and a little bit yeah by reading that book as well

hopefully it made a lot of raised a lot of money for a charity and uh that's paul's page turners i love that we had a nice little wander down memory lane didn't we? Thanks Paul. Thank you. Don't say anything just press the button. I know it's a nice moment. Yeah. I just want to look

in your eyes. You don't have to look at me. And that's Cheap Show again for another week. Just before you pull pull pull pull. Yeah. Chris?

It's alright yeah. Come out Chris we're doing it we're doing it. It's all right, yeah. Come out, Chris. We're doing it. We're doing it. It's Chris B. Addendum, everybody. He's coming over. Sit down. Hello, is this okay if I sit here?

Yes. Okay. Hello, yes, it's Chris. You've been highly recommended, Chris. I just wanted to make it official because I'm not causing any trouble and I want to be over there. No, you've been quite quiet. I'll give you that. I finally be quiet. I do the dishes. I don't, you i've seen him on the we got bill do the dishes i am crispy addendum and i have seen him yeah he comes out at night and he smears pieces of i don't know what it is but he's been smearing

stuff all around here yeah that's fine he smeared his ass on that that's fine you don't want him around here i need someone to sleep i've been've been sleeping on the bench and in the gym. Bill's earned. Is that your final word? Bill's earned. His bed. So is Larry Inchman. And you're still very new and you honestly don't really have the right to stop laying down the law.

I'm not trying to lay down the law. You are a tertiary character in the Realm of Cheap Show right now. So just be patient. It's all I can ask. I've got nothing. We've been told that you're down with the kids and you know all the latest trends. Oh yes, I'm tweeting. Yeah, so what can you help Cheap Show with? Well, your exposure

to the crossover with the... Hey, Eli. Eli, come here a minute. Sit down. Okay, I will. Move over. I'm Chris P. Addendum. It's been a few minutes, Eli. And this character's not going anywhere. Well, a lot of them don't go anywhere.

He seems vague. After about the third appearance. Think of Inchman. He's vague. Don't say that to him. Vague, and he's largely bullish. I don't really care for it. So I'm going to flush him out the airlock.

If you mind. Chris, can you just stand over there? Well, I'm Chris P. Addendum. Chris, just stand over there, Chris. Well, I can go. What, are you going to take a photo of me and put me on the website? Yeah, I'm going to put you on the website for the show. And then I can be under Bill? I mean, because Bill... Whatever. Just stand over there. That's all I need you to do. What, over here?

Just stand over there by that airlock. I'm going to get me all in here. Yeah, that's fine. Chris P. Addendum. And here we go. It was harsh. Look, I hate to do it. It was necessary, Paul. It was.

But we can't just keep piling characters into this pod. We've got no space. Oh, there he goes. Look. Oh, he's floating past the window now, Paul. I've never seen a man's face boil before, but that's horrible. But he was, he deserved it. He's a little prick, hanging around here

trying to get his bills. And Bill's been quiet this week. He's trying to creep into Bill's bed. That's probably what gave Bill the nightmare. Well, we just don't know. All I know is that Bill's been quiet this week. I'm going to keep the bug in Bill's bedroom and see if we get anything juicy. He might say some juicy stuff. I'm open, so. I've been feeding him Chris Tarrant tablets

to get some Chris Tarrant memories out of him. Oh, right. Because I reckon he's got some dirt on Tarrant. Well, I do the fucking housework. Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you for supporting us on Twitter. No. Ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of the show. Here's all the admin. Let's get out of the way. Do not interrupt.

We can get through this really quickly. Email us, thecheapshow at gmail.com. That's nice. We're on Twitter, at thecheapshowpod. I'm at paul nice. We're on Twitter at thecheapshowpod I'm at paulgannonshow

and Eli is Eli Snoid and you spell that E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D You can follow us on Instagram or Facebook. Just look for Cheap Show.

You'll probably find us Tumblr as well. And if you'd like to support us financially and we'd be very, very appreciative if you do you can go to patreon.com

forward slash cheap show for magazines and archive of videos and exclusive podcasts and all kinds of things. Early episodes. Proto episodes. Yeah, proto episodes. Unclickable stuff. Crap. It's all there for you. Years of back catalogue

goodness if you want to get more Cheap Show Raw. Get Cheap Show Raw. Yeah, if you want to get more Raw. Cheap Show Raw is not a segment we do but it could be good don't be a hatred on join us on patreon there's the catchphrase and I think that'll do we have merch pages and all sorts on

our website thecheapshow.co.uk where you can get designs by Tony by our good selves and events fantastic and newly reopened cheap show magazine website shop where you can download I received my copy of the Cheap Show

sticker album which is fucking great I don't want to ruin it by putting the stickers in but I do want to ruin it

I put the stickers in mine I wanted to have that sticker book feel so I put them in there's a bit where there's something on

the wall of the house of pickles and it's in 3D yeah I know it's exciting isn't it but anyway being a patron

can get you access to all that so that's exciting and that's it for this week I got nothing much to add. I should probably mention my book.

Do your book, Paul. What's this book? I'm going to write a book based on my solo show about the ghosts and the supernaturals and the Ghostbusters. And if you want more information, go to unbound.com forward slash books forward slash ghosts and see if you want to help me raise the money for that.

Please. Have you started writing it yet? No. Okay. I just didn't want you to do the higher pitch thing that you always do because you're so family guy once. Right, that's it. Should we, me and you, just have a nice sit down and a relax

and just chill the F out. That's what's going to happen, Paul. Whether you like it or not. We're going to see the FO. You're going to like, don't you hate people who say, you're going to like me whether you like it or not. That's a bit threatening, isn't it hate people who say you're going to like me whether you like it or not? Oh, that's a bit threatening,

isn't it? Yeah, but some people say that. Oh, you'll get used to me. It's one of those things. Yeah, people like.

you'll get used to me. Yeah, like Donald Trump and Harvey Weinstein. Those kind of people say that. And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, goodbye from us on the Chief Show.

Bye-bye. Thanks for the support, everyone. Bye-bye, everyone. Sorry I was subpar this week. You were very subpar. Bye-bye. What a wanker