CheapShow - Ep 216: Storage Phwoars

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

It's all the hot, thrilling action of a big money, high stakes auction this week on the pod... squeezed down into a board game! Paul's got another Gannon's Golden Games and this one is based on the hit A&E TV Series "Storage Wars". It's non-stop, thrill-a-minute bidding fury where the risks are huge and the rewards are even... hugher. And if you have ever listened to the pod before, you'll know that's a load of old nonsense. As usual, it's petty fighting, slurs, accusations and an unclear winner. Typical! It's not all fun and games though, some of this episode is about the NOODLES and Eli takes us to his secret 2nd noodle kitchen location where he finally gets to make "the egg block" noodle! Cheap and cheerful, that's us! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-216-storage-phwoars If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/ Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello, it's Eli. Cheap Show here. Hmm, Paul. Happy daytime to you. Happy daytime to you, which is something now you apparently want to work into the show. Week time. Week time. Merry week time to you. Merry and happy of wealth for very little merry. Do you want to start again? Because it feels like you're drunk without having had any booze. Oh, just need a moment.

Just have a moment of calm and collected thought. And then we can dive straight into what everyone's calling on the internet a podcast okay welcome to the podcast the cheap show podcast the podcast starring paul gannon why is that so funny that's weird sort of shruggy way of doing it like a shruggy sort of everything i do is shruggy no you know stop shrugging i shrugging i do you want me to do it i'll just do it i'd like to do it i can't? Do you want me to do it? I'll just do it. I'd like you to do something. I can do it. I can just do it. I can just flip it off. What am I asking you to do

that you can flip off? It's a piffle. It's a slight to you, is it? It's a little insignificant piffle to me. I'll scruff it off. I'll scruff it off. I'll scruff right this off, okay? By all means, script write it off.

Thanks for trusting me on this. I don't, but I'm kind of locked into this, so. No, I can do it. Here we go. Can you though? Because so far, 35 seconds has been spent on you saying the words, I can do this. Like some kind of, like some paranoid athlete. No, I can.

I can. Okay. Hello everyone. I'm Eli Silverman and this is Cheap Show. Also on the can. I can. Okay. Hello, everyone. I'm Eli Silverman, and this is Cheap Show. Also on the show today, Paul Gannon. Hi, Paul.

Hello, Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. Fuck me. What a waste of time. That was good. That was a good one. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse.

People love noodles. little posse. Off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show And a go and a nuzzle Yes, that's right, it's Cheap Show and I'm Eli Silverman Literally three seconds in

Welcome to Cheap Show, it's the economy comedy podcast That's right We go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and powerlands of Great Britain and sometimes beyond To bring you back the treasure we find amongst the trash Paul, this week I've had a scribble. No, no, no. You can't just launch straight into scribble scruffage. You can't do any scrogging.

You can't do any sploffing. No piffing. No blodging. No flopping. No gruffing. No scruffling. No huffling. No scrummaging.

I can hear a scruffle in the hills. No, there's no biffing, boffing, griffing, croffing. There's nothing. There's no... There's nothing buting, croffing. There's nothing but words. Smidgen? There's nothing but words. Real words? Real words. Is it a real words only policy for this week's episode?

I need it. I need disciplining. You fucking really do need a proper disciplining. Please, get a hold of me. Get a hold of me, Paul. My eyes are widening, ladies and gentlemen. I know what I say. And my grin is growing.

What? Your grin is growing And my grin is growing. What? Your grin is growing? My grin is growing. What's wrong with that now? I'm okay. You're not. You're very not. Paul, what have we got coming up on the show today?

Right, okay. What's on the show today, really? What's on the show? Today on the show, we will be going back to the noodle kitchen but not eli's country this is his remote what would you even want to call this it's like the food truck it's like it's yeah but it's still a house so what it can't be eli's country urban noodle kitchen has to be noodles on the road yeah with eli and paul hang on i'm writing something i need to figure out an acronym that's rude and features oh i see ass ass noodle twanny uh t and annie that's got n's in for noodles so twanny is good what else keep pitching keep pitching nipples norks tronny hole the Dirty Bambo. The Dirty what? The Dirty Bambo. What is even that meant to mean?

I'm going to need a minute, man. Take us all the time you have. Because I've given up on doing a new acronym. Basically, we're doing... No shit. Yeah, because... This is the worst episode ever through me he does that he does do that no there's no here there's no nothing it's just a bunch of words

that once happened i'm gonna get it together for these i'm literally crying yeah we need to uh i'm sorry today's noodles will be boiled in eli's tears oh my god all right noodles yeah that's serious. Welcome back. Thank you. Welcome back to the podcast. You've been away a while. Stop. Stop making me laugh.

Stop drinking tea and put the cup down and they're going to bang. Oh, sorry. I need... You need a lot of stuff, mate. Tea ain't one of them. So, yes, we have a lovely... We've got a packed show. Also, Gannon's Golden Games is coming up.

We've got Gannon's Golden Games. And this one I got on eBay for £4. It's a reasonably brand new game cheap i don't care about spoilers today we're playing a board game based on the hit tv show storage wars oh do you like storage wars i do we'll get into that a little bit later later um did i thank people last time for my book did i no uh you do that while i go i sort my... Yeah, why don't you go fucking into the naughty corner? Do the book. Go on the naughty step.

Like Super Nanny, there's a step. Go sit on that step over there. I've sent him to the naughty step, ladies and gentlemen. So, I've got nothing to say now. I've got nothing to say.

What? The book. You've got your book. Oh, yeah. So, I can't remember if I mentioned it last week. I should know, but if I haven't,

here we go again. Thanks to everyone, all 500 and so of you, who helped successfully crowdfund my book called Ain't Afraid of No Ghost, which I'm doing through Unbound. Better start writing that then. But thank you, everyone.

I hope to make the book as fun and as interesting as possible. And also, if you haven't donated yet or pledged yet, there is still time. There's no real deadline to. And also, if you haven't donated yet or pledged yet, there is still time. There's no real deadline to these things. So if you want... But you've reached the target. That's the point.

Yeah, but anyone can still donate if they want, and that gives them access to... I'm going to do an audiobook, and I'm going to do commentaries for all the Ghostbusters films. And I think at the top tier is, like, I'm going to do a show, one last performance of my solo show. Just once? Yeah, somehow.

Do you need an opening act? Yeah, you can do an opening act. We'll do that. Let's do that. All right, cool. Yeah. I was saying that as a joke, but yeah. You could do your stand-up.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah. Smirk. You're going to do smirk? I could do, just do my old routine. Do you remember 20 years ago when they brought in the smoking bag? No, that was terrible. You learn a lesson, don't you?

You write a good joke and it's topical. Sometimes the clock runs out on that gag. Yeah, and it ran out about five years after I stopped performing it. Yeah, I'm going to say it ran out before. No, before I... I'm going to say five years before you stopped performing it. Yeah, not after I stopped. No.

God, I'm getting it all wrong today. You're getting it all wrong. So thank you everyone who supported me and my book. Oh yeah, congratulations, mate. Did we say that last week? We haven't. If anyone out there can help me see Ghostbusters Afterlife early, because it was meant to be out and I kind of need to see it for the book.

I don't see why you think that you have some right to. I don't have a right to, but it'd be nice to see it before I write my book, so I can write a complete book. I'd like you to have that, to see it. But people get fired. Remember, people get proper actors get fired off the set of Star Wars, don't they? They get sacked and stuff for just saying stuff. So they're not going to show it to you.

Do you want to see Ghostbusters? Do you realise how expensive that is, basically? What? If someone could get hold of spoilers for the Ghostbusters. Yeah, but obviously I'd sign an NDA if I saw it officially for all the proper channels. But then you might tell me. I might go, what happens, go on, what happens? I wouldn't tell you.

And I'd go, oh, Egon comes back and he's a fucking Egon-y slimer. And then Egon eats some mushrooms. Like mushrooms. He's going again, ladies and gentlemen. Shall we see how this goes? He goes out in the wheat field. There's a wheat field in it. Yeah.

Yeah. Perhaps it's like Children of the Corn meets Ghostbusters. That would be more interesting than what I think we're getting. So yeah, maybe. Because it looks like what we're getting is Ghostbusters redo. Yeah, but is there going to be any of those quite shocking horror moments from the original? Apparently there are proper moments of horror within this film.

But isn't it weird? You think of films getting more and more permissive of gore and sex and stuff, but those kids' films in the 80s were more horrific than they are now. Yeah, because the thing is that we basically tell kids it's fine to see an action film with guns and explosions and as long as you don't see blood,

right? A lot of horror kind of involves gore. That's what it is, yeah. Not necessarily, but it's an element. You know, horrific images.

And I think for some reason kids are fine to see war, but they're not okay seeing obviously fantasized supernatural violence. But even like, you look at Goonies and you just don't think

they'd make films like that these days. They wouldn't, but it wasn't that good. No, it wasn't that good in the first place. I mean, I like that bit on the ship at the end. Here's an idea. I don't want to talk about Goonies. So let's just move on. So that is our show today.

We are going to play Storage Wars and we are going to make some lovely noodles for you. And Eli, why don't you give us a little idea now what we can expect in the noodle special. Well, it's something that we've been teasing for a long time in the Country Urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen, Paul.

It is the famed egg block noodle. Now, I've put my hands on it. It's sesame and egg block. It has egg block in it. Wow. A block of egg in a noodle.

Omelette block. You could call it omelette block, but you'd be wrong, wouldn't you? Omelette block. You'd be slightly vaguer. Hello, I come from the omelette block. Yeah. We donelette block But you'd be wrong wouldn't you Omelette block You'd be slightly vaguer Hello I come from the omelette block

Yeah We don't see many eggs around here This way we call it the omelette block Come on What I mean that's about your best For the last five minutes Best five years

Maybe The omelette block Did you have that on your grave I come from the omelette block He did that omelette block joke once Yeah Remember the omelette joke And there'll be all these retrospectives The omelette block He's the omelette block. He did that omelette block joke once. Remember the omelette joke?

And there'll be all these retrospectives. The omelette block? He's the omelette joke guy. And then, how did he die? Well, he was known as nothing but the omelette block for years. You know what I think you should do with all this omelette material? What? Fold it over. Oh!

That's terrible. Oh, dear. Yes, we have the egg block and sesame. It's a Korean noodle. Omelette block. Yes, the egg block. And we also have, because we haven't covered South American noodles before, have we? I don't know.

We have a very unusual flavour. Is it? Are we in the segment now? Well, we can go into it in a minute but we can just give the warm up a very unusual flavour. We're greasing it up. We spat on

our own. Slapped it out. Slapped it right up. Get the frozen peas out. Don't mind if I do. That's my nudge.

I do. I'd back away from any sex. Birds eye. Birds eye in the metres. Yeah I know. Can't just say

that. I can't just say that That'd be great though What would be Just filling your Red penis up with peas And then Frozen

Like that Dinner's ready Yes Who wants peas now Alright dad Dad's He's done this after He's stopped shitting

In the litter tray What about gravy Oh no shut up stopped shitting in the litter tray what about gravy oh no shut up the gravy's in the little tray oh is it shit yes it's shit

are we eating shit and rolling around in gravel licking old spoff off it are we yeah are we licking spoff

off old cat litter yeah in our gravelly tray I'm in our gravelly tray. I'm in the gravelly tray. Mate, we've hit ten minutes. We can stop now if you want. Let's stop.

Please, let's stop. Please. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, I'm running up and down the secret tunnels. You can hear me feet. I'm really in a tunnel. Oh, what's that voice? For I've been invited to a secret location for this. Oh, there's noodle content. I'll just go to this secret door that I can find. I think he's just behind this door. Let me open. What's it say on this door?

Secret noodle content. This is the secret noodle content room. Hello, Paul. Oh, hello, Mr. Silverman. Oh, this is interesting. This is your new exciting noodle test lab. It's not a test lab. It's a kitchen. But it isn't...

It is a test... Can we do that again? again no because that was all the acting come on come in again just do it from the door because that was all gold before hi i'm opening the door oh i'm coming in here we go close the door oh hello mr silverman hello paul welcome it's great being in your new secret location test it's a temporary lab little mini lab here we've got four noodles paul yes it's good okay now we've got two noodles for the show today paul one noodle we've been all been waiting for first noodle we're going to cover is the egg block the egg block of yore the first noodle we're going to cover today paul but we're going to cook them concurrently and we The egg block of yore. The first noodle we're going to cover today, Paul,

but we're going to cook them concurrently and we're both going to have a little taste of these noodles. Looking forward to it. There's no fish in any of these. I'll double check that. Good. Okay. It's probably prepared where fish have been or something.

You know? Margate. Right. Like Margate. I said that off camera. I've ruined it now. Now, this is the Otagi Sesame Flavour Ramen. But most importantly, in this little bubble

here, it says, contains egg block. It's a little speech bubble. Or is it a little pointy? Because it's pointing to the egg block bit of this noodle. Now, have a look at that picture. Because if it is a speech bubble, then what is it saying? The egg block is saying, contains egg block. Weird. It's a self-proclaiming

egg block. Now, I don't know if it actually is a speech bubble. It just could have been a blob that says, contains egg block. Yeah. Weird. It's a self-proclaiming egg block. Now, I know in some way it had to be a speech bubble. It just could have been a blob that says contains egg block and we would have known that that doesn't necessarily have an inner voice. The graphic convention

is slightly different. Perhaps to us that looks like a comic book thing, but to them it looks like something pointing out the egg block. Do you see what I mean? Right.

The tail of the bubble. So the company, who is it? Otogi. They do a lot of noodles. Do they? Yeah. Have we had any before on the show? See, who is it? Otogi. They do a lot of noodles. Do they? Yeah. Have we had any before on the show? See, this is Korean style, which makes me think.

Because Otogi, they do Chinese ones. So perhaps they cover more than one of the markets there. Maybe. I think they might be Chinese. Let me see where they're manufactured. Korea. Yeah, no, they are Korean. Good.

This is sesame. Contains egg block. A simple noodle. Soup-based, you can tell. What do you think of the little egg block there? I mean, obviously it's USP. I'm excited to see how it adds or maybe takes away from the flavour. And how many sachets?

Of course, there's one with the egg block, but there might be one for the soup base. But is there an oil sachet as well? Usually, I'll tell you, a little spoiler. In these Korean ones, they don't go for oil sachets. It's not their style. And it's quite a meaty one it's going to need 500 milliliters of water and it goes for four minutes so we want to put that one on first the other one we like paul to taste noodles from all around the world yeah

and what noodles do in different parts of the world they'll take on the cloves of the cuisine of that area of the of the world you get gherkin flavoured ones because they're from the gherkin rich culture of... Just so everyone does know, I'm staring off into the middle distance and I just let Eli do this segment. It's from the gherkin rich culture of that part of Europe. Germany, Poland, they've all got strong gherkin games

going on culturally. And that's why they have noodles which have that flavour. Yeah. And it's why, you know, you have all-day breakfast flavoured noodle here. Do you? I bet they have. No, we just make shit versions of proper flavours from other countries. Yeah, but that's sort of more about our cuisine on the whole,

rather than, we don't have much of an identity culinarily. No, it's less exciting people would argue people would argue with me there but what do we what have we got beef beef cooked breakfast fish and chips potatoes what do you mean potatoes just in general potatoes in general are a thing this is a brazilian our second noodle today is a brazilian noodle paul by a brand i've never seen before, Renata. Express is the sort of brand. Say you love my darling, say you love. Is that Renata?

Renny Renata. I believe this is... From the picture, I can see there is... What do you think that is? Garlic or onion? There's bacon. It's garlic, bacon and bean. I have never come across a bean-flavoured noodle in all my years of travelling, Paul.

Although I have come across someone's beans before. Let me let you into a little secret. Come here. I mean spunk. Do you see what I was doing? Yes. I was doing... I've told you. I'll tell you this again now, Paul. You get that fucking dirty spunk talk,

walk it right out of my Tesla kitchen. Yeah? Right out. Put it outside. Put put it outside and little vial a vile vile yeah a vile vile of spunk right so this is can we have i reckon it is bean garlic but i would like your translation service right here we go translation surfaces right let me take a picture i'm gonna take to take a picture. Here we go. It's scanning it. Right, what's it say? Bacon. It just says beans

and bacon. Beans and bacon? Yeah. There you go. Is that it? Is that all? That's a beans and bacon flavoured noodle. Quite an unusual piece. It is quite an unusual piece. It only takes three minutes and needs only 450 millilitres. Alright, so, as we get going on this, shall we then skip to

preparing, and we'll come back once everything's on the boil. Right. The water's now boiling, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Boys and Girls and Mrs. Ladies and Gentlemen, the water is now boiling. We've got two pans on the go. Which one goes in first? Well, the one that takes the longest time, which is the Itogi Sesame Ramen.

I'm excited to see the egg block. As we predicted, it does have three sachets. Egg block sachet, that's obvious. The soup base. And a little sesame oil sachet. Show the camera in a bit more detail. There's the sesame oil sachet. Nice, I like that.

Egg block, I'm trying not to break that up because I want it to stay as a block or it will hydrate and become gelatinous slowly. Oh, you think like a kind of reverse shrinky dink? Yeah. I think it's going to increase in girth when I get some water on it. I've often increased in girth

once they put some fanny water on it. Don't put fanny water on my egg blot. I'll put fanny water on your egg blot. All right, we are ready to go. So what it says is you boil it for four minutes. I've got it on the clock. Ready? Go.

We're good. Now, it says you should mix it all in together. I never believe that. I always put the mixtures in the bowl. You know, I think it's just as good. You've just got to cook the noodle is what you're doing. You've got to cook the noodle is what you're doing. You know, or maybe you put the egg.

Well, actually, with an egg block, it might be crucial. Well, they tell you when to put it in. Add seasoning sesame oil. Oh, no, you see? Put the egg... Well, actually, with an egg block, it might be crucial. I'll tell you when to put it in. Add seasoning sesame oil. Oh, no, you see? Put the egg block in now. Put the egg block in now. Orgs, action on the egg block. It's action on the egg block right now.

I'm looking forward to seeing the egg block. It's got a nice little tear where it is. I like it. Oh, wow. Show it to the camera. It's a little omelette. I've broken the egg block in transit, unfortunately. But look.

Such is life. It's got little onion bits in it and stuff. It's not just a simple egg block. It's got spring onion-y bits in it. Oh, there's a whole lot of things going on. Let's go in. Straight in. This is a real interesting addition to the noodle kitchen.

Look at that egg block. I've never seen anything like it in a noodle in my life, Paul. You think it gets bigger? I think it will expand slightly. Now, we're losing time to get the renata on. Hang on. The renata's a very basic noodle. If you put it on right now, it'll be ready.

So put it straight in. It's done in 30 minutes. So this is the bacon and bean noodle now we're adding into the second pot. That's just a very simple in comparison. It's one sachet. This is the instant noodle and it's like a big sachet.

So it's like a bachelor's almost. It's a big bag of flavour and not much else. But it is interesting. It's going to be beany. I wonder how beany it will be. And is that added at the end? The otogi, look, it says the premium instant noodle. So they really are going for like a step above.

A cut above, yeah. Now, if you want to stir anything, there's a... Let's just give this a little prod. Oh, it's almost want to stir anything... Is the egg block going to be... There's a... I don't know. Let's just give this a little prod. Oh, it's almost... Oh, I can smell the egg block. Oh, it's oniony, isn't it? Yeah.

It says to put this in as well, so... Put the seasoning in. Soup base in. I think this is going to be kind of standard. The bean one isn't soup based though, is it? That's drain it, add the flavour mix. No, no. They're both soup based.

Oh, okay, cool. We've got no... I have bowls ready. Don't you worry. They're both soup based. Oh, okay, cool. I have bowls ready, don't you worry. No stir-fried ones. No stir-fried ones, good to know. I just want to make sure we're all on the soup table. Right, let's get this in there. This is very exciting, I'm going to stir it. Let me stir it.

Stirring it. Oh, it's going all bubbly. I'm making sure the flavours... I need another thing for that because we don't want to cross Colin out and sully them. No. Good call, Mr Silverman. Never cross the spoons. No.

Don't cross the noodle spoons. Never cross the noodle spoons, ladies and gentlemen. You've got to put the oil in afterwards. You drizzle it on afterwards, but it's important. And that's for the egg block. The egg blocks have disappeared, haven't they? I think they're expanding. I think they're rigidifying and spongicating. So let's have a egg block. Egg blocks have disappeared, aren't they? I think they're expanding. I think they're rigidifying.

And spongicating. So let's have a look at the clock. Hang on. We've got a minute left for both of these to be allegedly ready, but you might want to leave that a little bit longer by the looks of things. Eh. I think that'll be fine. My watch will vibrate when the time is up, so I'll know instantly when things

are going to kick off. So I'm very excited. I'm very excited for the egg block, although the smell at the moment isn't particularly interesting. It's a savoury sort of smell. It's a bit too much coming off it at once. The sesame is a very strong flavour so that's going to complete it, hopefully. And cut through and give it

a top note. What I'm going to do is I'm going to open the bean and bacon powder. I'm going to open last minute after it's cooked and just zap it on. Bish it, bash it, bosh. Flip, flap, flush. Flip, flap, flush. Bish, bash, bosh.

You've got forks on the ready. We're going to have a taste of these noodles today on the show. I can't wait. I mean, certainly I can't wait because there's only a minute. It's fine. I'll get two forks out. Beat, beat, beat. Really waiting for the beat.

It's coming any minute, second now. No, it's fine. I'm impatient., beep. Really waiting for the beep. It's coming any minute, second now. Let's turn it off now. No, it's fine. I'm impatient. Three seconds. Here we go. Three, two, one. Oh, my phone's hurting me.

My wrist's vibrating. Oh, it's going all off the shop. I'm moving them off the hob. So I turn the hobs off. Hob's off. Hob's off. I know these are electric. The hob's off.

So they are still hot. Yes, that's the problem. Be very careful around electric hobs they're not instantly cool to the touch now I've often done that have you burnt yourself? yeah I'm a fucking idiot once nearly took the whole skin off my palm

oh no that's fine mate no one saw you you're backwards to the camera no one saw you drop the packet into the actual broth there's not much to fuck up, but I did. There's your spoon behind you to mix it. Get a mix on.

There's the bean broth one. Spare that broth. Bacon and beans. Spare the broth. Are you getting much of a huff at the moment off that? There's a lot of flavours going on right now. There's a lot going on. Smell the bacon one. Can you smell the bacon? It smells like crisps.

Smells like frazzles. I think there's dehydrated bits of bean in that. Is there? Oh no, I should have cooked... Look. Oh no, they're meaty bits. That's the bacon bits. They're actual bacon, dehydrated bacon bits. That's a surprise.

Goes with bacon and eggs, innit? It's a bacon and egg noodle show. Funnily enough, you say about how British is quite plain and then we just call it the bacon and eggs combo. Oh, well, there you go. Such is life, isn't it? That's out. Let's have the egg block. Let's have the egg block. Let's see what the egg block

is like. Let's go with it. Tell me when you reveal the egg block. I can't see it. I can't see the egg block. It's all in pieces. Look, there's a piece of egg block. Oh, look at that though. Let me take a picture of these absolutely beautiful noodle examples. Okay, take a picture of those. I'm going to take a picture.

Here we go. This is as we happen, as it happens. Oh, it's steaming. Look at that steam. What a great sight that is for the noodle kitchen. It's a testament to noodle joy. Let's get this. Got the forks here.

There we go. I can't wait. So, which one do you want to start with first? I think we should start with the beans because it's got less expectations. Yeah. So. So here we go. Let's just have some noodle.

So what do you think of the actual noodles, Firstly Paul? Looks all right to me. It looks like noodles. Yeah, I'll take some. I know, but you said what does it look like? It looks like a noodle, doesn't it? Yeah, so what's the fucking point of asking me that then? Five years in.

What does it look like? It's a fucking noodle. I can't get any of this on the fucking foot. Here we go, hang on. I'm getting bacon, but not a lot of bean. Not a lot of bean? Can you taste bean? I can't really taste the bacon all that much.

It's kind of there in the aftertaste, but not really up front. Now I'm going to try and get a bit of one of these dehydrated bacon pieces. I accidentally got one. Okay, what was it? No flavour at all. Does it have the texture of bacon a bit? No, it's more like one of those fake bits of meat you get on a pizza. It probably is soy pretending to be bacon.

Yeah. I've got to get a bit of this broth, Paul. Have some broth. There's a spoon as well. If you want to spoon it, you're more than welcome. It's just here. Any one of those. A little bit of teaspoon. A little bit of teaspoon., Paul. Have some broth. There's a spoon as well. If you want to spoon it, you're more than welcome. It's just there. Any one of those. A little bit of teaspoon. Tease it. Now, did you add the soy, the sesame? No, that's the other one, isn't it? This was just one pack for the bean. It's just one sort of... I'll say this, even though it is a one... It's like a bachelor's or something, isn't it? I was going to say it's a bit like a

bachelor's, but it's a little bit better than that. Slightly better than that. It's less gelatinous? Yes. It's less gloopy. It's less gloopy, definitely, because it's got that sort of... It is tending that way. There is a bit of that. But not like when you pour out a bachelor's super noodle and it just slops out like a fucking elephant's prolapsed rectum. Yeah.

But in terms of... I mean, I can't taste any bean. No, but then what is the bean flavour it's looking for? Is it a refried bean? Is it a liver? Actually, there is a bit of a bean-y sort of then what is the bean flavour it's looking for? Is it a refried bean? Is it a liver? Actually, there is a bit of a beany sort of like the juice you get around beans. Do you want to stop making a habit of saying this is shit and then after two seconds go, actually, this is all right?

I'm going for a journey with this noodle, man. I'm sorry. This is real time. It's just your journey sometimes feel like it. I don't know what to think of this noodle. I'm sorry. This noodle has me stumped, man. I think it's a perfectly fine middle-of-the-road noodle.

It's middle-of-the-road. I would probably give it two out of five... Two and a half out of five. Yeah, I'd go for two, maybe. It's not unpleasant. It's just... I can't see myself trying to search out the bean flavour as if it was something.

Do you know what I mean? And it doesn't seem like it would, I don't know, blend very well with pimping. No, you'd have to have a specific sort of range of things that would pimp. It wouldn't be a universal pimpage, would it? It wouldn't take to universal pimping. No, but the thing is, sometimes you pimp something, right, and then it works because it doesn't ruin the flavour of the original noodle.

With that, you'd have to add so much to it to make it interesting that there'd be no point in using that noodle at all. You might as well just use a bland one. Yes. Let us move on. The one we've all been waiting for. Yes, I can't wait. This is the sesame

egg block. I haven't stripped it. Yes. I need to finish it off by drizzling this. So you're going to finish off on me by

drizzling. It's got an easy cut. Nice. Easy open on this. I'm trying to do a dirty joke. So you're going to

finish me off and then dribble on me, yeah? Yes, and then I'll fucking shit in your mouth. That's dirty. Don't say that. I'm drizzling on the sesame now.

Right. Oh, look at it go in there. It's premium noodle, this. You can see the oil pack is what pushes the noodle up. Oil pack attack. That's what it is. Oil pack attack. Yes, it's an oil pack attack.

Thank you. Copyright Paul Gannon, don't you fucking dare. So that sesame coming off that now. Right. So let's get into this then. Exciting stuff. Here we go. It's a fatter noodle. The dimension of the noodle is fatter, isn't it? Yeah. It's a much more girthy noodle. It's a stodgy, girthy

noodle. All that satisfying, that is. The texture's much better, isn't it? It's got a nice little spicy kick to it. That's the sesame. You can taste the sesame on top. Texture on the noodles is much better as well. That's really nice actually.

It's not super remarkable, but it's just really comforting. It's a good noodle. And you get a little bit of spice, a little bit of kick, which is always welcome. Oh, that's good. God, that's a very good noodle, isn't it? How much was that? That, I think, is over a quid slightly.

It's like 120 or something like that. So more expensive than the usual. How about the Renata? Well, it was 79p, but I think that's only... That's inflated by the fact that it was imported from Brazil. But that type of noodle, three for a quid. Do you know what I mean? It's a one-packer.

Whatever, when Bachelors is on sales. Go with that. Here's the question, though. Have you found an egg block? No, I'm looking for an egg block desperately. The egg block has been a no-show in this noodle. The egg block has been a bit underwhelming. He's found it.

Here we go. Here's a piece of egg block. I suggest you try and find your own, sir. I have to hold the mic, so I'll let you do it. Alright, there's the egg block. It looks like egg. In a block. I thought it would have gone a bit bigger. No, that's not all of it. It's fragmented.

No, but I thought it was going to swell up to be a big thick... You can't tell if it's in pieces, can you? You can't tell. I'm eating it now. Yeah, I know. Mmm. Yeah? But what is it? It's got onions in. It's all got, like, spring onion in it. Keep twisting it.

Keep turning it. I can't find no egg block. He's dredging for egg block. You can see me looking for egg block, and I can't... Where's all the egg block gone? I'll get you a piece. No, I'll do it. I'll get you...

There! No, there's a tiny bit. You missed a bit. No, that was too tiny for my needs. There is no lot. You're breaking up any remaining. There's a bit in there. There's a bit. I missed a bit no it was too tiny for my needs there is no lot you're breaking up any remaining there's a bit in there

there's a bit I'm going in I couldn't taste the thing because it was mostly noodle well you'd have to take my word for it it was very nice the thing is

the whole thing is very nice I'm enjoying this noodle immensely oh mate ooh the broth is lovely with that proper real sesame oil

yeah on top ooh I love I do love i have to come clean i do love a sesame flavored noodle anyway i'll be honest you always remember any sesame flavored noodle you always get the oil pack because you couldn't put the you can't put the flavor of sesame in the soup you know that'd be you'd be lost yeah or or overwhelming see what they could have done with the renata bacon and beans is if they had an oil pack that would give it that bacon-y oiliness. Yeah.

You know. Yeah, that would have been a clever idea. It would have been better. Would have been a clever idea. It's just not a very... It's a bottom of the... So, look, what are you going to rate that out of? Five.

I'm going to go four for that. 4.3 for me. Yeah. 4.3. You can't just... I was counting. No, that's true. We barely do it.

4.357 Paul Recurring Thank you Well rational number What a lovely Lovely Noodle section that was Now unfortunately

I've got to get back to The Cheap Show HQ What will I do here You've got two lovely noodles To keep you company I think I might Actually eat the rest of that

I'll finish that one After it's not wasted Really Yeah why not Waste not want not That is the Cheap Show motto In fact it's basically wasted then. Really? Yeah, why not? Waste not, want not. That is the Cheap Show motto. In fact, it's basically what we've been doing for five years.

Bon appétit. Mon ami. There we go. I'm off now. I'm going to see if I can leave this place. How do I get out? Here's the door handle. Here we go. Bye then.

I'll see you back in the pod, Paul. All right. Where am I going? I'm lost. I in the pod, Paul. All right. Where am I going? I'm lost. I didn't have a map. Watch out, you might run into a character back there. Oh, no. It's you.

And then I'll cut because I'm not fucking doing a voice. I don't want it. Papa Hamster. I was going to say Papa Hamster. He's not a new man. I know. He's there. He's lurking.

He's lurking. He's lurking. Yes, we're back in the Gannon's Golden Games grotto where we're playing... You know what? Just now I wanted to fucking punch you right in the fucking gob. Is there something... I don't know. Just about that particular one you did.

That one. And you know what? I'm going to punch you. No, you don't. I'm going to get up and punch you. I'm going to punch you. I'm going to punch you with my, say it together, cock end. My nubbin of glubbin. Look at my knobbers, knobbers.

I've started, so I'll finish. Come on, it's time for Ganon's Golden Games, Paul. Yes, we are playing. What game are we playing? I'm anticipating a win. I'm officially. Officially. You're officially.

Officially. See, officially. No, don't workshop shit with me. Right. Today we are playing on Gannon's Golden Games, a board game based on the, as it says on the front box, hit TV A&E show, Storage Wars. Now, it was a big thing for me in my life. I used to watch a lot of Storage Wars.

Me and you, though, went through a whole period where we just watched nothing but Man Vs. Food. Dives, Diners and Drive-Ins. Vaginal Highness. Yeah, Drive Vaginas and Heimerses. Heimens. Heimens. Drive Vaginas and Heimensens.

Get out of A&E, Paul and Eli. They can't pitch nothing these days. Yes, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. And Man Vs. Food. And like Storage Wars. We'd always end up at the end of the night after a gig watching that shit. I know. It's nice to miss those days. these days yes uh diners drive-ins and dives and man versus food and like storage walls we'd all days end up at the end of the night after a gig watching that shit i know it's nice i miss those days we'd have to do a podcast every week yeah so it was a big deal but i've heard things about the way that um the show works that really that goes beyond the way you know you know it's a

reality tv show so obviously it's sort of manufactured to a certain degree yeah but apparently that it's like purely scripted well i'll tell you actors or something you know i thought i'd do some research on the show before we get into the game so um yes it originated on the a&e network it was in 2010 when the first episode was released and the final episode of this run because there have been spin-offs now was a january 2019 so but there is like storage wars new york and storage wars yeah those spin-offs now. It was January 2019. But there is like Storage Wars New York and Storage Wars Texas. Yeah, those spin-offs. It's all the same fucking shit.

So this is what the game's about. When rent is not paid on a storage locker for three months in California, the contents can be sold. So they originally were in California. Yeah. The contents can be sold by an auctioneer as a single lot of items

in the form of a cash-only auction. Why do you think it's cash-only? Because they're all standing around outside the... So if someone goes, oh, I'll write you a check, it might bounce and they've pissed off.

They don't want to do that. Fair enough. I guess, like, swipe, car or something. Yeah, but contactless, this is pretty dry, but contactless technology was a lot slower

on the uptake in the States. Yeah, when I went to America about two years ago to do the fan Ghostbusters Fest, very few people had contactless working there. I think it is now in the big cities. I think they've got it now. But not to the extent it's taken over.

No. I mean, even two years ago, it was in LA. But it just wasn't everywhere in LA. That's what I'm talking about. It was everywhere in London. So that's a reason. And also, when did it start? 2005.

10. And back then, they definitely- You never fucking listen to anything. i do i do you've got earphones in today so you got you're literally getting my voice piped into your brain i know it's good so rubble rubble rubble rubble is that the noise of your voice in my brain it's my slurpy derpy dipstick going in your cerebrium prodding that you're probably my trigonomic nerve? Yeah, it's prodding your frontal lobe. It's my trigonomy. Anyway, what are you saying?

What are we doing? This is becoming last of the summer podcasts. Imagine when we start getting real dementia. Mate, I'm completely not sure. We haven't reached there already. Right, so what was I saying? I don't know. We've got to focus.

Let me talk about it. So, yeah, cash only. Oh, yeah, cash only. That's what we were talking about. God, that really biowind. Shouldn't have gone off on that tangent.

Bicided us. So, the show follows professional buyers who visit storage facilities throughout the state and bid on these lockers. Before each locker is auctioned,

the buyers are given five minutes to inspect the contents from the doorway but may not enter the locker or touch any of the items. But why is that? Is that the buyer part of the buy law? It's weird.

I guess it's one of these things where maybe you could nick something. I think that's something they sort of made up. Maybe. But I can also imagine it's kind of like it's not yours to touch, so you could affect the price of it by doing something. Also, you might grab something. Yeah, nick something. After the day's auctions are complete, the winning bidders sort through their lockers,

estimating the prices that they will sell the contents for. And then on the TV show, it says running totals are on screen, cost versus estimated value. And a final tally at the end of the episode summarizes the profit, net or loss. So, fair enough. That was the show.

I found it very addictive. And it had lots of colorful characters. Yeah. Some of which will... All of the confrontation was obviously, you know. Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's got a list of them here, but, like, who gives a fuck who Jared Schultz and Brandy Passant are?

Jared, yeah, I remember them all. Ivy Calvin. Who's the baddie? What is it with the Americans? Yup! That guy. Yup! What is it with, like, Americans and names?

We're like, Daryl Sheets. What's wrong with that? It's not a name. Yes, it is. Emily Wers. Emily Wers, Daryl Sheets. What's wrong with that? It's not a name. Yes, it is. Emily Wers. Emily Wers Daryl Sheets. She does at Halloween, yeah. Rene Neshoda and Casey Lloyd.

Rene Neshoda, fine. Shanana Dada. No. Shanana Dada. She's not called Shanana Dada. It's Shanana Dada. She's not called Shanana Dada. You can't quote,

because all your characters are based on the exact same premise. No, they're not. They're called things like mel grippers or shaharazad turnipai or shenana dada no i'd never go stoop so low oh and erlin johan graham so there's like lots of characters they all had like you know what they were like they were like dick tracy villains where it's like this one's the bruiser, and he takes no shit, and he's like... I kind of liked... The reason I liked it is because it was more, you know, they're not...

They don't have to be great people, and even if they weren't, it wasn't just like baddies and goodies. They were all a bit sort of grey. Yeah, it was kind of the ever-shifting tectonic plates of the relationships going on. I'm not saying these are great people, and I kind of like that.

It's a bit low-lifey. Do you know what I mean? Well, yeah. That appealed to me. It's got that low-lifey. Do you know what I mean? Well, yeah. That appealed to me. It's got that element to it where it's like everyone's fascinated with what's in your fucking attic.

There's that sense of, well, what's in there? Nosey. They're nosey, aren't they, as well, in a way. So finding someone's locker and buying, forget the money side of it,

just like, what the fuck's in here? Is it a piano? But some of them are sort of, they've got those roles that are sort of there for them, like the collector guy. He's interested in interesting stuff. of, they've got those roles that are sort of there for them. Like the collector guy, he's interested in interesting stuff.

And then you've got the guy who's got the shop, who's just like, sheets, I can sell. Yeah. So he's just thinking about bulk shit to sell in his store. Yeah.

So there's loads of characters. I think that is, it's definitely amplified, the differences in, they're all just trying to make fucking money, aren't they? Do you know what I mean? At the end of the day. I think some of these characters they're talking about here are

going to turn up on these cards in a minute but um it does have a chapter on this wikipedia page about the controversies some critics have speculated that some of the units have been stocked by the producers yeah definitely but an a and e publicist so therefore completely honest and upfront unbiased yeah said there is no staging involved the items uncovered in the storage units are the actual items featured in the show I think at the very least

the producers have a look around first yeah because I remember one episode did I watch it with you where they thought they found like a

murder cage because they went in and there was like weird they were doing it was like a martial arts school wasn't it

no but didn't they go in thinking it was some kind of murder dungeon where like they'd found BTK's fucking grotto or something no it was just a martial arts school, wasn't it? No, but didn't they go in thinking it was some kind of murder dungeon where they'd found BTK's fucking grotto or something? No, it was just a martial arts school that was being run illegally. Really? Because I thought there was one where they found the murder.

A battle arena or something. I just thought I remember seeing one where they were like... I like this sort of idea that they'd open one and there'd be someone sat down taking his breakfast. Going, what the fuck is going on? A little toilet and it's all like a little set in there. You know what I mean? Yeah. Little toilet and it's all like a little set in there.

All boxes and boxes of dead animals. They found a lot of taxidermy over the years. Beth was outside saying I'll take the lot.

Yeah. Job lot. Rat heads. I'll give you a job lot. I'll give you a fucking shriveled mole embryo in my

mate's. Right here we go. I'll glaze it right out my mate's. Anyway executive producer Tom Beers has stated that the vast majority of the storage lockers investigated during the production contain nothing of interest and therefore do not appear in the final show, which is fair enough. However, Beers admitted that half of the lines are scripted, as well as moving items between

storage lockers purchased by the same person. What does that mean? Well, if you get two and one's just really boring and one's good, you've maybe put one of the good items in to sort of spread the goodness, the excitement. But wouldn't that ruin the point? No, because maybe you've got one really good one that's got something unrelated to the other stuff in there

and that would look better in that one. Do you see what I mean? No, but what they're saying is they move them around when they've been purchased by the same person. Well, you'd have to because it all belongs. If I get two lockers... So they open one. There's nothing in it but one interesting thing.

Then he wins a later auction. And it's got loads of stuff. Let's move this stuff in with that stuff. So it looks like... Or vice versa. Or anything. You know, to give more punch to each segment. In December 2012, Dave Hester, I think, is one of the...

Because they always cut after the guys bought the thing. Then during that cut, they can go in. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, no, I get it now. And do it twice. Do the discovery of what's in there twice. No, once. Well, no, do it twice.

Because you go, oh, I want to put this in the other one. No, they do it before they start shooting. Yeah, they just do it once at the end. Right, after they've... They fake it once. Otherwise, it's a bunch of boring, ugly people feigning surprise for half an hour, which it kind of is.

Right, so 2012,ave hester filed a lawsuit against a and e claiming that dave no which one's dave is that's the guy at the end dave i think so yeah uh he claimed that the producers were staging entire units planted items in lockers after having them appraised weeks in advance and funneling cash to weaker teams to buy lockers that they could not afford otherwise the suit claimed that hester and other cast members met with network officials to express concerns that those actions were in violation of federal law intended to prevent viewers from being deceived when watching a show involving intellectual skills right so they're saying or that none of their skills are any good if it's all fake yeah

and they look out or they dial it into what they like in the first place which kind of skewers the results of an auction in 2013 2013, they denied the accusations, A&E, and said that the show is covered by the First Amendment and Hester's claims do not apply. So does that mean they're basically saying

who gives a fuck? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. A&E won a partial victory in the suit when a federal judge tossed out Hester's claim of unfair business practices calling the show

expressive free speech. And you know what that means to me, though? The lawyers have contorted and pretzeled the logic to That's what they always do. They always use those articles of the Constitution. To take the argument away from his point and then make it about a different point where they can win that point and therefore win the case. Yeah, but it's one of those umbrella things.

Free speech falls under any kind of media. Oh, he was fired as well before he did the lawsuit. So there you go. Dave, is he the one in the middle, actually? He's the one who goes, yep! This card here, we'll find out in a minute. But yeah, it looks like he was fired, then filed the lawsuit in the middle, actually? He's the one who goes, Yep! This card here, we'll find out in a minute. But yeah, it looks like he was fired,

then filed the lawsuit saying, It's not fair. Despite the fact that he might have had a point. 2013, Hester had one of his claims approved by the LA Superior Court. The court ruled that Hester could move forward with any wrongful termination from the show. But in 2014, Hester and A&E came to a settlement that was never spoken about again.

Although he did come back to the show in 2014. Yeah, here we go. It's basically like, Yep! I'll come back! Yep! So they turned it into a board game. And it's not so much of a board game as a game. There's no board, really. There's storage lockers.

So here's how the game works, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Eli and I... Here we go. Here we go. Eli and I... No, you're starting now. ...have $3,000 each.

I have in my hand $3,000 each. I have in my hand $3,000. But you have counted out and you're happy with it. I'm perfectly happy with that. We've got three $500s, 10 $100s, and 10 $50 bills. Not real money. There are four cardboard lockers. Four storage containers, cardboard. They are empty.

One to four empty at the moment. There's a bag. And here's how the game works. We're going to pick out four discs each. And each disc has an item on it. For instance, I'm just going to pull one out randomly. And this is, oh, funny enough, a record collection for £700

it's worth. Dollars. Are we saying dollars? Dollars. Let's say dollars. Just keep it like it is. And they've done British storage wars. They couldn't. There's no storage. I think the American host came over and they went to Britain and did a version of it. I'm pretty sure they did that.

Yeah. It's probably really fucking depressing to watch. You know what I mean? It's really awful when you see American formats not work in the UK because unfortunately.

Cultural differences. Yeah, it's just weird. So you and I are going to pick four discs each and then I'm going to turn my back and you're going to put your four discs in any of these containers, right?

Oh, okay. Okay. You can put them all in one. You can put them one in each. I can put two in one and one in one and one in the other. Oh, okay. Okay? You can put them all in one. You can put them one in each. I can put two in one and one in one and one in the other? Yeah, you can do that. Could I put three in one and one in the other?

You can put three in that one, one in that one. I could put two in this one and two in this one. But not one in that one, one in that one, two in that one and four in that one, because you've only got three, haven't you? So you can't put four in. I've only got three. You've got four discs that you're going to put in four lockers.

So I could put one in each, or two in one and one in one and one in one. Or you could put three in one and two in there, or one in there and one in one, and one in one. Or you can put three in one, and two in there, or one in there, and two in there, and one in there. How many can I put in there? You can put all of them in one, or you can put none of them in one, and you can put some of them in two. I've put some of them in two, if that makes sense. The bottom line is, you pick out four discs randomly. Give him!

Wait, wait! When my back is turned, you hide them in the lockers, and then when you've done it, I do the same with the four I've picked. We just lift them up, we don't open the top of the locker. Well look, you know what in the lockers. And then when you've done it, I do the same with the four I've picked. We just lift them up. We don't open the top of the locker. Well, look, you know what? There's a little slot. You slot it in. Look, just an example.

Look, there's a little slot and you can go. There you go. I'll slot it right in. I'll slot it right in. Okay. Right. Wait, calm down. I want to play.

I know, but I want you to get the rules out of the way first to some extent. Once all the discs are in the lockers and you and I don't know what exactly is in each one. I don't know what. We all know what we've put in. I know what I've put in. But you won't know what I've put in. And where.

Or where. Or what it is or where it is. Then we'll take turns in bidding for locker one, locker two, locker three, locker four with our money. And whoever doesn't

want to take it, because obviously that's going to be informed by what you think is in one or two based on what you've put in and what not. So, simple. After we do do the auction whoever wins it collects

all the items adds the scores up and then some discs have things like damaged or moldy and that will take points off your final score so if i draw one of those and put it in and i know that i don't want that one yeah exactly but you might drive the bid up to trick me to get it you see what i mean there is a bit of logic here which i kind of like black mold mate well if you do find the black mold which is a very rare disc then that means anything you've got in that locker is ruined and you can't touch it and everything is scored off and it's bad oh so so you don't always get a black mold one no one will just be moldy or damaged or wet but there's one called the ultimate bad boy yeah and you don't do you want me to pull that out

and add it into the game for a bit of danger? No. No, because I'll know where it is or you'll know where it is. Yeah, no. If we draw it, we draw it. Now, can I draw some? I know I'll get the idea.

Well, last thing, we have to pick a character card because those characters will mean that. Let's just say you find a record player and this guy is a record collector, you get double points. Okay. If it's in your area of expertise.

Yeah. So who are the characters we've got today? Daryl Sheets. He's known as the gambler. And that is the blonde guy. What does that mean? Does that just mean like... Is he the guy...

He's the guy who sued them? No. It was Dave Hester. Dave Hester. Next one I've got. Yeah. Dave Hester's the mogul. He's the guy who goes,

Yep! Is he like loud and brash? Furniture and collectibles. He just... Any old shit. He just has a store. He just... Yeah.

It's like a chest of drawers. I can tell that. You know what I mean? Like that. The gambler likes collectibles and collectibles. He's just... Any old shit. He just has a store. He just, yeah, it's like a chest of drawers. I can tell that, you know what I mean, like that. The gambler likes collectibles and antiques. Fine. Barry Vice, the collector. Right. Collectibles and historical. Oh, nice.

He likes maybe an old chair. Suit of armour. Lovely. You know, like an old rifle. Yeah. A bit of objets. He likes, yeah, objets. God, he looks like American Richard Brandoff.

He does, yeah. He's got a permatan, as they used to say. Brandy Pisanti. See, these are not names. I don't know where you're making this up and where they're real. No, she's real. Brandy Pisanti. She's the voice of reason, apparently.

Oh, is she? She's always nagging her husband, Gerald Schultz. Oh, right. They're not married, obviously. They're going out, I believe, Brandy and Gerald. Or were, before the show broke apart. Probably not anymore. But she's always saying, we can't afford that. And he's always like, oh, that's their tension.

I remember that. And you know, he's one step away from driving his car into a brick wall at 70 miles an hour. He's not happy ever, that guy, Jared. And he's very closed off. Look at him. The young gun. Every single one of these cunts has got their arms crossed in some kind of

They're aggy. You know it. They're aggy aren't they? That's what I kind of like about the whole franchise. It's almost like a grifting like a low level grifting. Yeah but they're a bit nasty.

Yeah. I wish we could do it on Cheap Show. That'd be good wouldn't it? Do a storage wars type thing. Well we're never going to do Bargain Hunt are we? I applied but I didn't

hear back. They would never. They'd take one listen to Cheap Show and go nah no. Fuck them. Then you've got Gerald Schultz

the young gun going out with Brandy and then Brandon Sheets the upstart. He's brother. He's a little shit. He's the brother or cousin of Daryl Sheets.

So which character do you want then? Oh do I want? Yeah you pick one because that's going to actually score at the end depending on what you found. This is all.

I know who I'm going to go for already. I'm going for I know who I'm going to go for already. I'm going for Barry Weiss. I'm going to go for the woman because I'm going to go for Brandy Passanti. What's the name? It sounds like something you order at a club. Excuse me, waiter. I'll have two Brandy Passantis, please.

Put Duran Duran on. It's the 80s. Reflex. I'll have a very, very wet Brandy Pisanti. Right. And make sure you stir in the cherry. I have not been wet for years. Who's going to look at my storage locker?

Full of secrets. Who's going to bid for my bin? There's a skeleton in your storage locker. Who's going to bid for my locker? Oh. Right, can we play now? Storage wars. Storage whores.

No, I was going to say Whores! Storage frauds! Yes, that is the porn crossover! Storage fraud, open it up I bid on that There's sexy ladies in there Knockers

Storage whores One last thing Can you hand me the thing? No! Calm down! You calm down Brandy Basanti is an expert

likes antiques and furniture Yes What does yours like? Vice, the collector. Collectibles and historical. Right. Now, Eli... What does it say? Antiques and furniture? Yeah. Now, Eli, you can have the bag. And I'm going to shake it up a little bit. And you reach out and randomly

pick out four, but keep them to yourself. Is it weird that I want to smell it? Yes. I know. I was thinking the same thing, because it has the same shape as a bag of crisps. Oh, it's got quite a nice... Good night off. ...story shop puff. League of bags.

No, it's got quite a reassuring... Kind of vinyly plastic... Should I just take out four? Four, but keep them to yourself because I can't see them. If I see them, they'll... Do you want me to take them out all at one time? Well, one at a time

and then look and put it out of the way so I can't... I'm going to close my eyes anyway while you do this. Okay. Just so I don't accidentally see it as you thumb them out. When you've got all four, just give me a shout. You can look at them yourself by the way, so don't worry about that.

Have you got four yet? Yeah. Right, pass me the bag. I'm just trying hard to make some of these out. Are you rooting for the bag to look for the best ones? No, I'm not. Absolutely not. Don't call me a cheat. I don't know, I had my eyes closed, didn't I? I can't tell, the pictures are too small. Do I need glasses? Yes, you probably do. Right, hide your four. I don't know. I had my eyes closed, didn't I? I can't tell. The pictures are too small. Do I need glasses?

Yes, you probably do. Right. Hide your four. I'm going to pick out my four. Right, here we go. One. This is top TV now. What do you mean?

You're the one who's staring at your fucking cards, Freyd. It's because you can't find your old man glasses. Listen, mate. I'm going to take you down. All the way downtown. Probably. I'm going to fucking... Right.

I've picked my four out. Now, do you remember what an auction is, Paul? Right there. I'm just going to have a quick look at what I've got already. What have I got here? Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Okay. All right. Okay. Right. Okay. Yes. Right.

I'm ready to go, Mr. Silverman. Yeah. So, I'm going to... I go first. What's going to happen now is I'm going to close my eyes and turn my back, right? And you're going to put those four discs in any... In any way I like. Any combination you like. Will we be going from one to

four when we'll be doing the... When we do the auction, yeah, we'll start with one. And then we'll do two. So they're going to do four auctions in this game. Okay. Alright, so I'm going to close my eyes now. Here we go. I'm closing them and turning my back. Just tell me when you've put them in the auction locker, through the slot.

Oh. Put that one in there. Take you this long to find the slot. This is why you're single. Because you can't put your penny in the slot. Done it yet? Yeah. How is it taking this long?

I was making my mind up and thinking strategically. Right. Okay. Good. I want to win, Paul. I know. Now you close your eyes and turn your back while I put my four discs.

I'll close my eyes and turn my back. Don't do air quotes. The inflection in your voice still infers that. Right, you ready? I was joking. Of course I was.

Here we go. Now it's time for me to slip my things in the box. I've covered my eyes. Yeah, good. Here we go. I'm not looking, Paul. Have you done it?

Have you done it? Have you done it? Have you done it yet? One more. Right. I have put mine in the boxes. So, let's play Storage Wars.

This is the wild factor. I'm not intimidated by any buyers. Cash is king. Winner takes all. You don't know what you're going to encounter. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Money owns this town. Money owns this town.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Money owns this town. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Money owns this town. Oh, I'm Brandy Passanti, and I've come down to this storage, and I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win something. I like antiques. I like furniture.

I'm Brandy Passanti, the first reason. And I like antiques, and I like furniture, and I'm going percent to the first reason. And I like antiques. And I like furniture. And I'm going to win. That's my character. Now you do yours. Hi, I'm going to be played by one guy like Don McNubbin here. I'm going to be playing this Barry Weiss guy.

Stop touching the fucking table. You don't need to. He's so good at collecting stuff. He likes to collect those collectibles like the comic books. He likes the baseball cards. He likes the... He likes all that stuff, that great stuff you can collect. I like antiques

and I like furniture. And he likes the historical stuff. You've got something with a bit of history to it. Maybe it's an old painting of an old lady, your old lady or something. I like antique furniture. I'm Barry Weiss. And I'm Brandy Persanti. I'm here to spend some money.

Brandy Persanti. Yeah, right. That was my character. Right, so would you like to be the auctioneer first or would you like me to be the auctioneer first? I was born to be the... I'm doing yours now. I can't do it. I can't do it. All it means is one of us has to go first with the bid. Now, every auction has to start with $50.

$50. Like that. No, you're just like Jack Douglas from the Carry On films. Yeah, just like that. Shut up, please. Right, here we go. go Right I'm doing it Number one Auction one

Right good 50 We both have to put 50 in Right Just to start yeah Just to start But you know whatever Right

So 50 50 50 So 50 I'm putting in What are you going to do Are you going to go higher than 50

No we've both I know but this is an auction So I've just put my 50 in 50 I'm putting in. What are you going to do? Are you going to go higher than 50? No, we've both... I know, but this is an auction. So I've just put my 50 in. No, you haven't. It starts with 50. So we're both saying 50. No. Oh, God.

Here we go, Paul. We're not putting any money in yet. We're just saying I'll put 50. I'll put 100. I'll put 110 in. All right, so I don't have to put 50 in before I start. You didn't start. No, I know.

You start the bidding. So it starts at 50. So I'm going to say 60. No, you start 50. before I start. You start. No, I know. You start the bidding. So it starts at 50, so I'm going to say 60. No, you start 50. Right, 50. 60. How much money have I got in all? 60.

I've got $3,000. $100. $100 for the first locker. Come on. 150. 200. Yeah, have it. Really? Yeah. Yeah, have it. Really?

Yeah. 200. All right. All right, 200's going in. I think that just stays there in the pile, and then it all gets thingy. So what happens is now I look at it, but I don't tell you the score until all the auctions have been done. Okay. So I'm just going to take my box.

Don't let me see it. I've won that one. Yeah, that's mine. Now it's on to the second one. And it cost me 200 me see it. I've won that one. Yeah, that's mine. Now it's on to the second one. And it cost me 200 pound, which is not that much really. On to the second one. Oh, yeah. So 50 first.

What are you gonna go? 50? Yeah, you have to up 50 now. No, I'm starting this one. I start the bidding at 50. Yeah, but. Do you wanna go 50? 50 last time, going to Eli.

You'll say 60 then first Because I did the first bid, which starts at 50 So I said 60, so if you're going to start the first bid I'm starting at 50 Fuck me, this is why we're not allowed on Bargain Hub, mate I'm saying 50, that's my bid Right, I'm going to say then 100

200 250 500 250. 500. 600. 1500. What? 1600. 1600.

Come on, 1,600. 1,700. 1,700. All right, you can have it. You can have it for 1,600. Put the money in the middle there. 1,700. 1,700, yeah, put it in there for 1,700.

There you go, 1,700. That's yours. Keep that for later. Number three. So I start with this one now. So I'm going to start this bit 50 on the nose. 50. 60.

70. 80. 100. 110. 200. 210. 250. 300. 400. 250. 300.

400. 410. 420. 470. 420! 420! 470. Poker ball!

500. 550. 555. Which I can't do. You've got to go by 50s, don't you? In that case... Oh yeah, good point. I forgot about that, but it doesn't really matter. It hasn't affected us so far.

What did you say? 50. 600. 700. 800. 900. Alright, $1,000. It's yours. Yeah?

Put the fucking money in the middle, mates. Cash only, yeah? Now, what we should say is, there's a lot of money here in play. And originally this happens over three episodes. We're just playing one, which is one round of four. All the money on one round. Yeah, so this is why we've got a lot more money than we probably need for this game, for this round. But I don't care.

I'm having lots of fun. Going big with the... Last locker, maybe. I like going big with the betting when we get into like 800 and stuff. It's fun. I kind of get it. Yeah. Right, here we go. That's fun. I kind of get it. Yeah. Right, here we go.

That's yours now. Now, you're bidding first. For the last what? At least 50. That's all that meant, that 50 rule. The lowest bid you can make is 50. All right, in that case, I'm going to say... What do you want to start on?

You can start on higher. 100. Why not play big bollocks? Okay, 150. Don't look at how much money I've got. It doesn't matter, does it? 300. It's about how much you make.

300? Yeah. What have I got? 400. 600. Did I put anything in for? Ha ha ha. All right, how much did you say?

600. Yeah, I said 600. Seven. Okay, I'm going to put the rest of my money. So if you want to beat that, that's fine. The rest, like two grand or whatever you've got left? Well, whatever I've got left, yes. Whatever I've got left, I'm going to bid.

And if you want to beat it, that's fine. Yeah, but remember, you've got more than me. It's about how much you've spent at the beginning versus how much you win. So that's three grand to lose. Mate, it's not three grand. Shut up. It's three grand. And you might make £200 across your two

boxes. I know. Well, I'm taking a chance here, aren't I? So you're going to... How much is that then? I like number four. I like the feel of it. It's got a good sniff to it. That's it. We've had a look inside and it's got some things. So whilst I walk away with this with like... £800. Yeah, it's a bit over a grand.

£900. £50,000. £1,250 is my bid. How much? £1,250. You can have it, mate, for that. You can have it for that, mate. Right. So, all in all...

How much have you spent? £3,000. Put it all in that pile and count it. Because I've spent... I've spent all my money, haven't I? Yes. So how much did I start with? £3,000.

£3,000. Yeah, that's how much. Alright, and I spent 1,200 quid. I might win this, Eli. Alright. Here's your locker. Right, so I'm going to open my locker number one first and see what I got. Okay. I got a train set for 200 pound and it's blue.

So does that mean I get a bonus? No, it doesn't. So, okay. So 200 pound. 200 dollars. $200. Next item. It's a storybook for $100. Yeah, that was mine as well. But that's antiques. That means I get 200. So that's 400 altogether.

So 400. And then I've got a boat. No, it's a tiny rocket ship toy. 200. And it's just 200. So that's 600 for my first one. Okay. I've got locker number two, yeah?

Now, this is my most expensive locker. I've well overspent on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've spent 1,600 on this, and it's only got my own item in. Oh, God. What do you get? What do you get? It is quite an expensive one.

It's a phonograph, antique phonograph. Antique phonograph, $1,900. That's fine. It doesn't fit into my things. No, but that's fine.ique phonograph. $1,900. That's fine. It doesn't fit into my things. No, but that's fine. You've still got $1,500. Bullshit. What are the other two? There's nothing else in there. Shut up! How much was that?

1,600? 1,900. 1,900. Only one item in that one. Oh, fuck this. You've spent a lot of money on that. Right, let me see how much it's still though you've got 1900 i've only got 600 so who knows what's going to be in this you've got six grand oh no you've only got 600 haven't you i've got two items in this i've got 100 and it's a did you put mold in my other box no i didn't have any mold at all i didn't have any

mold other and there's no bonus on that so just 100 100. And then I've got here, oh, a grand piano. 1,200. Oh, but it doesn't fit into your things. 1,200. So that's all together. I've got 1,800. Oh, you've still won this. No, because it's about how much money you make. You've still got a grand left.

Oh, yeah, true. How much have you got left then? What's in the last? Nothing. I spent all my money. So how much have you won in that last block? I'm down 1,100 at the moment. So what's in the last... Nothing. I spent all my money. So how much have you won with that last block? I'm down 1,100 at the moment. So what's in the last box?

Maybe you've got like double points on something cool. Yeah. What have you got? I've got a saddle. Right. A horse's saddle. A grand. Which is historical.

So two grand. All right. So far that's two grand. I'm making money here. That's two... Hang on. Let me write this down. 3,900 I am so far.

Yeah. And what's that? Furniture, 500. So 500. And that is... We haven't even been saying what this is. A saddle. Have we said that?

Yeah, you have been. So all together... So small, the writing. You've earned... The writing desk, which is just 500. So 4,400 altogether. So that's a profit of 1,400. So profit of 1,400. Hello, baby. So I's profit of 1400. So profit of 1400. Hello baby.

So I earned 1800, so I've won. Because I've also got all the money I didn't spend on the lockers. Yeah, well let's do the actual maths, Paul. Alright, I got 600, then 1200, and that's 1800. 1800 plus whatever

you got there. Everything else. So I got... How much did you say you spent? 1,100 you spent, yeah? 400, 500, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. It's 1,300 plus 5, 5, 6, 7, 1,800 altogether that I didn't spend. So 1,800 plus 1,800 means I am walking away. You have 3,600

and I have more. I have 4,000. No, you don't have 4,000 because you spent 3 grand. It doesn't matter. So you're only up 1,400. I am up 3,600. You're not up that money. Oh no, I even take away that. Yeah, take away that. It's 1,800.

Okay, you just won. Yeah. I am best at storage wars. Do-da, do-da even take away that. Yeah, take away that. It's 1,800. Okay, you just won, yeah. Yeah. I am best at storage wars. Do-da, do-da, do-da. I'm going to pull down my big drawers and show you my wangy-dong. Dong! Dongy-dong-dong in my scrudge. Put my hog into your gob.

Then I make my piggy scream and it covers your mouth in cream. Scream, scream, piggy scream. Come and get your piggy scream. Scream, scream, piggy scream. Press stop on me, Paul. Full of your mouth. Oh, scream, scream, and get your piggy scream all of your mouth oh scream scream piggy scream i won yeah i lost oh my hog i'm coming i really went for it oh piggy piggy storage wars everybody creamy creamy creamy piggy i hope you've enjoyed this week's episode it's been a long recording session for paul today he's he's just letting go he's letting go with it and do your mouth noise I can't with my headphones on

you can't you just did it because it was directly into your ears with the headphones on Paul can we stop now yeah

I won. Say it. You won, Paul. Yes. You shouldn't have smoked all your cash, should you? Hoggy, squirty, piggy, screamy, creamy, creamy, cream. I was lucky that you didn't put nothing in. I know.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I loaded that locker with the 1900 item. Oh, I'll tell you what. Before we go, fun game? Good game? Did you enjoy it? Yeah.

I enjoyed it too. I actually think if you want to get into it and play three more rounds, you can start getting into the machinations of what's going on. It has a mechanism that is similar to what makes the show fascinating. It's better than the Bargain Hunt game we played, where it's just basically rolling dice and getting lucky. Yeah. I can't recall that. This has a certain amount of skill.

Definitely. Because it's about where you place your expensive items. And whether that doesn't bone you in case later on down the line that's the only way. That's what I was doing there. I said, I didn't mean that. No, no, but it was good logic. See, I knew I was going to put

my most expensive item. I only lost my 400 bucks in the end. No. Do you know what I mean? If you hadn't spent all your money on that last locker. Is that what it is? It's the profit

or who ends up with the most money? Yeah, across the three episodes. So how much you spend against how much you've earned and then that's how much you win. Like the Bargain Hunt game, but that was all dice rolling shit. So I'm going to give that

out of 10. That gets a Ganon's Golden Game grade of 6.5. I thought it was, as they say, it's a lot better than it has any right to be. And on that notice,

it's time to say goodbye. I was meant to say note, not notice, but you got the point. Anyway, shh. That's it.'s a cheap show done for this week thank you for

joining us supporting us having fun with us for another hour or so have fun with this Paul what split split split

yeah good so here's the admin shut up let me get it done email us about anything you want don't forget your book but don't interrupt me or I will spite you alright here we go

this week I want to say thank you to everyone who supported me on, I've said at the beginning of the show, fuck off. Are you over there doing that? I just want to congratulate you, Paul. Thank you. Thank you very much. Got to write a book.

And you can still. And I've offered Paul my services as editor. Yeah. I won't be like. Paul, this word here. No, it wouldn't be like that. This word here that you're talking about your angst. Maybe you want to put the word sparf in. No, I wouldn't be like that. Sparf, put a're talking about your angst. Maybe you want to put the word sparf in.

No, I wouldn't be like that. Put a sparf in it. I'm just saying, I'll have a look over it just to see the flow, the way it flows. If you want to support me, you can still do that.

You can go to unbound.com forward slash books forward slash ghosts and find out more when you get there. Email us thecheapshow

at gmail.com Go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk for pictures and videos to accompany this episode. Follow us on website, thecheapshow.co.uk for pictures and videos to accompany this episode. Follow us on Twitter at The Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon's show

and Eli is... Eli Snow, E-D-L-I. Yes, I know, I do. Also, we're on Instagram and Facebook and Tumblr. Just look for Cheap Show or Cheap Show Pod. You'll find us there.

And finally, if you'd like to support us financially in any way you deem fit and appropriate, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. What if, no, hang on. What? What if they seemed fit to sort of, I don't know.

Give nothing. Or no. Or give one. In any way, you said. So they could like, you know, eat the money, shit it out and then deliver it to us on a rhino or something. Mate, if someone does that, I am more than happy to receive a rhino. They wouldn't have to go to Patreon for that. No.

They wouldn't have to go to rhino shit. No. They'd go to rhino shit. They'd probably spend more money on the rhino taking a shit outside your house than actually just giving you a dinner. Oh, is the rhino eating it now? You feed the rhino money? Oh, you could do. Or do I just, the actual supporter, eat the money? No, I think, how about the supporter eats the money, the rhino eats the supporter, the

rhino poops the supporter, and then we fish inside his poo for money. It's like a turducken. It's a turducken. Like a money turducken. Turducken. Turducken like a money turducken turducken turducken yeah well done I thought that was

the gag you were making but the fact that you had to go back and figure that out is really troubling I didn't know I was making it at the time well that's all

we've got time for time has beaten us once again it's beaten me off time has beaten us off once again and it's time to say goodbye

so join us next week for more economy comedy fun I'm Paul Gannon I'm Eli Silverman thank you for listening sproff no shut up