CheapShow - Ep 230: Edit Point

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

It's a white hot blast of thick, hard nostalgia this week when Paul & Eli receive a PO Box delivery that is overflowing with joyous tat! This week, there's a rather colourful edition of Silverman's Platter that pitches an 80s edgy kids comic book flexidisc against the warm, familiar sounds of vintage pirate radio jingles! Elsewhere in the pod, a retro Price of Shite packs in all shades of pop culture oddities, from Garbage Pail Kids slime, He-Man storybooks and Ghostbusters 2 Topps trading cards to the absolutely brazen marketing strategies of The Care Bears. It's all very shocking. In other news, Paul tries to define the word "grumble" and Eli starts making lists. Absolutely pointless lists. All Paul can do is retaliate in kind! Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-230-edit-point And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2020 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2020-the-album If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Paul is writing a book! Want to help make it happen? https://unbound.com/books/ghosts/ Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello everybody and happy weekday time. It's time for Cheap Show. I'm Eli. Nub nubs ahoy! No, no, no. What do you mean no? Stop blocking right at the top. You've put a big block. You've put a big dry block. You've put a big dry block in the road and I'm coming along and I'm saying... Literally 30 seconds ago, literally 30 seconds, I was speaking to your flatmate. My what? Your flatmate, Rogan.

And he said one thing. He said, no shouting. And what's the first thing you do? You said a big shout. He didn't say this to me. He did. Happy weekday. So stop shouting, all right?

Happy time. In fact, give me your hand. I'm not touching you. Give me your hand. Put it out. I don't... You're not spanking me on live podcast. I'm going to lightly me a hand. I'm not touching you. Give me a hand. Put it out. You're not spanking me on live podcast. I'm going to lightly tap your hand. You will do no such thing.

You're using your power in the podcast to get touches. To get slappy slaps. You can't slap me. I know your game. Boring twat. Fucking same shit. Come round here. Week in, week out.

Week in air. You're getting told off and you don't like it. Set up, Eli. You get told off and you don't like it. So then instead of just going and apologising and owning up and saying, I'll measure my tone accordingly, you instead go on the defensive. I have to shout.

And you get all shouty and you get all pretty pissy. What do you want me to just... You know what? I'm going to... Right, let's start again. All right. I'd like to start again from episode one

with a new host. Hello, everybody. Happy week time Cheap Show time. Now you sound depressed. I am depressed. Can't you just give it a pep?

Do it the way I do. Do it the way I do. Right? Follow me. Here we go. Hello, everyone. Happy week day to you and welcome to cheap show that's good yeah because you know what they say like you know have a smile on your face and you're talking to people because then they'll sense that i heard as if you're eating a bar of chocolate hello everybody yeah i wouldn't talk to

someone with a mouthful of chocolate hello weekday time it's cheap show I'm who am I I'm Eli I always forget who I am at the top of the show and the middle and the end what we got coming up on the show

have we said it's cheap show have we played the music do you know what let's just do that now hello everyone no I'm not gonna hello welcome to cheap show I hate you

and your fucking noodle posse. It's the Price of Shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle Why am I laughing like a tit already? Why are you laughing like a tit already? I feel all new, like I'm doing a podcast

You are doing a podcast I'm looking at that speaker and not you And I know if I look at you, you'll be like Fucking Mike, five years And I can't look at you you'll be like the fucking mic five years and i can't look at you and it's like i'm in some kind of torture chamber and i've been told not to look at the big man the boss man's here and i'm not meant to look at him i'm just meant to explain what i was doing the other day oh i've looked at you now what we got coming up on the show right hello welcome to cheap, the economy comedy podcast

where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and pound lands of Great Britain. I have been through some bargain bins and charity shops recently. We have. That's how fresh. It's been exciting. It's the fresh tang of the dust of the charity shop. It's the dust of the tang of the charity shop.

Hey, nonny, nonny, and away we go. We do go away. You know what? I'm going to say, hey, nonny, nonny more because that just brings me joy. Hey, nonny, nonny, it and away we go. We do go away. You know what? I'm going to say hey nonny nonny more because that just brings me joy. Hey nonny nonny, it's Jeep Show time. Nubs nubs ahoy. Hey nonny nonny and a Jeep Show ahoy. Nubs nubs ahoy.

We're going mad. Groiny groiny. They could say, I'll say groiny groiny. Go on. Go on. I'm shutting this down. Oh, I've got a list of things, Paul. Right.

Because you're not telling me what's coming up on the show. Well, it's been a bit hard to. Number one on my list. Every time I attempt to say what's coming up on the show today, your mouth opens up and noise babble falls out. Number one on the list. Finchley. Finchley, right.

That's a real place. Number two. Hang on. Fanta cakes. I have Fanta hyphen cakes. This is good shit mate. And number three, simple, inside

gnome. Not at this. Three things. I'm just giving. I'm producing content for you. What we need to do is understand the art of escalation. So you start small and then towards the end. Inside gnome. Gnomes are small. No, you start small, right? And then towards the end. Gnomes are small.

No, you start small. You think Finchley should be at the end of the list? With the madness. And then you begin. Where should Finchley go? Finchley should go where it always goes. Up the road. Hey, nonny, nonny, up the road.

Groiny, groiny. No, right, okay. So just in case you've got new listeners. No, we do make sense. We do stuff. We do talk. Let me reassure them, Paul. Words come out and they're proper words. If I may. Yes. Hello, new listener. Welcome, we do make sense. We do talk. Let me reassure them, Paul. Words come out,

and they're proper words. If I may. Yes. Hello, new listener. Welcome to the show. On this show, myself, Eli Silverman, and you, Paul Gannon.

Yes. Him, Paul Gannon. Hello. We discuss all that's cheap and cheerful, cut price, discount stuff, and secondhand goods, basically.

Yes. And we have lots of different ways of approaching the tat. Oh, my God. And those have lots of different ways of approaching the tat. Oh, my God. And those form the segments of the show. So when I refer to the next segment, or a juicy segment,

or a fat, chubby, hairy segment... I'm going to shit my pants! Sweaty segment. We've got some segments, do we? Wait, Eli's dead, right? So we can carry on. He's fucking... That's on the carry on why do you do that why is it when you get a bit of a coffee just throw yourself on the floor you start peeling back the dead baby's face of the show right it's like you're diving on a grenade

to save the lives of your comrades when you do stuff like that it's bizarre you dive you're peeling back the curtain none None of the new listeners want to see this or know about this. They've gone. They've gone. They listened to one episode, probably episode 69 because that's the sex one. And everyone goes, when are you doing more sex one? And I was like, how much sex do you think we do? I haven't had sex

in years. I know. We can't even give you new content. There's going to be lots of stories about us joshing it off. Yeah. And that's just no different than a real fucking episode. We could have a wank special. No, I don't want to do a wank special. Oh, that's reminded me, Paul. Thank you very much. Right.

Why? You, over the years... Do I have admin? Why do you refer to joshing off as grumble? Have a grumble. What is that? I've never understood that. No? I've never understood that. No, I've never understood that, but it's nice. Is that called Grumble Mags?

Grumble, yeah. Because I think the idea of having a wank is usually a kind of bittersweet affair. You know, you do it, but you don't... It's like when you make love to a lady for the first time, you know, your first time with a lady. What is Grumble? It's just...

Listen, let me explain, right? And you're giving it the big beans, right? You know, you're really into it. Charlie Bigbottom. And you let me explain yeah right and you're giving it the big beans right you know you're really into it big ball and you're rock hard right and you're into it you don't get that same sensation when you're idly flicking through a magazine or a website and just half-mast kind of just knocking it out and that's a grumble because it kind of tumbles out of you doesn't it it kind of like what grumble rhymes with tumble it does but it's true and it sort of that is the worst explanation I've ever heard. What I'm saying is, when you're really hard, it comes out like lightning.

Also, what if you're 15 and you found some new porn featuring someone who looks like Sarah Green and no-one's seen it before? How hard do you get then? Mate, my eyes would burst. It would just be extreme. What if you were in primary school... I'm sorry, Sarah Green.

You went out for a break and there was literally about two tonnes of shredded porn in one inch wide. You did that. This is part of your story. My story? Yeah. Can I tell my story? Yes, by all means, tell the story about the pornography

that you found, which I'm pretty sure you've mentioned on the show in the past. It's nice to have things you come back to and you hold in your arms. You hold in your hand like an egg. Turn it over. This is my favourite egg.

I turn it over. I'm going to crack on with the show. No, no, no. I'd like to crack on I've got some things to say about Grumble. Wank.

That's why the Grumble weeds were never popular. Why is it a Grumble? Because everyone looked at them and thought of a sad wank. What does Grumble mean in its normal sense? What is Grumble?

Grumble means to complain. Yeah, but it's also a sound, isn't it? No, nothing actually makes a sound grumble. Isn't it a mumble? Isn't it halfway between a complaint and a mumble?

I don't know. A grumble. I've got my grumbles. I've had a grumble. If anyone knows, please do write it. I just think the way grumble is like a sad wanker.

It's a pathetic attempt at coming when you grumble. It's like, uh. Anyway, on the show today, on Cheap Show, the show about things. Fanta cakes. No, we're not. It's like... Anyway, on the show today, on Cheap Show, the show about things. Fanta cakes!

No, we're not. It's at number two. I'm going to write down three fucking stupid things since you can do it. Well, you can't tell us what's coming up then. Give me that and I'll tell them.

No, I'm going to do it because you're useless. I'm going to write one. Coming up on the show today, we have a Silverman's Platters. That is the segment of the show where we listen to interesting and obscure music. a lot of novelty

and light entertainment stuff comes through our door and we stick it on the old turntable and listen to it and then in the second half of the show it is a classic bespoke price oh dishito coming up playing it guessing the price of that tat, getting the petwings. Right, I've written three things. And there's one thing that... Well done on carrying the Cheap Show podcast by yourself for about a minute. Well done. I've written down three things on your list. What's at number one?

Empty eggs. Strong. What's at number two? Fart kissing. Fart kissing! And at three three is the Margate Grumble

alright we'll come back round to that there's lots to discuss there fart kissing especially is that an actual I bet that's an actual thing yeah it's when you put

your bum hole on someone's lips and you go and you go I love you something like that right alright let's do the actual admin

oh yeah the actual admin next Friday the 21st of May live on twitch in the evening 8 p.m uk time we are doing your envision 2021 i'm bricking it because it's going to be quite complicated it's been a lot of i can tell the listeners me and paul have been discussing it for a couple of hours already today there's a lot of logistics yeah there is actually a lot of you know they're just the catering. Just the catering. Things like that, you know,

making sure, you know, people are allergic to stuff. Ah, get this. So I've told Biffo and Ash Frith, who are going to be there on the night with us, right, so I've told Biffo we're going to have a mini game in the middle of the show

where we have to bring along the most obscure, weird snack we can find, right? Okay. And I'm going to see what fucking bullshit he comes up with because after the stuff he's been doing recently. He did the whole things with the Space Raiders. Yeah, you know what I mean? So I'm going to see what fucking bullshit he comes up with because after the stuff he's been doing recently. He did the whole things with the Space Raiders.

Yeah, you know what I mean? So I'm going to set him up and tell him that we were doing something and see what he comes up with. We won't bother. We're just going to bring snacks for the cheap eats section.

Okay. I want to see, you know what I mean? See how he plays his hand. See if he tries to one-up one. That's what I'm saying. Will he try and one-up us live? What could he possibly

one-up us with? Just saying. I've put that out there. We've done fucking all-purpose sauce. Yeah's what I'm saying. Will he try and one-up us live? What could he possibly one-up us with? Just saying. I've put that out there. We've done fucking all-purpose sauce. Yeah. We've covered all purposes with that sauce.

So anyway, Mr. Biffo and Ashvith will be joining us on the night because it's going to be a long night. So get comfy. Your Envision, 8pm UK time,

twitch.tv forward slash cheap show, et cetera, et cetera. At the end there's E-T-C. Eli and I, last week, we went through all the entries

and we whittled them down to 13. We've decided we're not going to announce what those 13 are until the night. So it'll be a surprise for the entries, entrants. But if your entrance... If your entrance didn't... Your entrance gets wet.

Didn't excite us. If your entrance didn't excite us, don't worry, it won't go to waste. No, if your entry isn't one of the last 13, it will appear on... Cheap Show. Cheap Show, the main show, not just the Patreon or anything. The main, we'll be playing them all eventually. Is that right, Paul?

Basically, what we're going to do is... This is the assurance I have from you. Yes, this is what we've agreed. We've spoken with this. We've made a contract. It is now ratified and in the Cheap Show constitution. And it was within the time constraint that we've agreed. We've spoken with this. We've made a contract. It is now ratified and in the cheap show constitution. It will be played if you entered and it was within the time constraint that we asked for. No, no, it doesn't matter.

Forget about the 30. Even those ones. All of them. All I'm saying is every single entry we got in. Some of those I haven't even heard yet. I know. No, you've heard all of them. You've heard all of them.

Oh, no, apart from one or two. Yeah, okay. The time constraint ones. You've heard all of them. Are they going to go in as well? Yeah, because they were like five minutes. And I was like, no, mate, we said no more than two. So things like that.

Get an excerpt of the five minute one. No, the plan is basically post-credit cheap show will have an extra add-on at the end called Top of the Plops or something shit. Not Top of the Plops. We will present three or four of the tracks that didn't make it to Eurovision as a kind of Top of the Pop style show. Shit of the shit. Yeah, that's better.

Yeah, that's clever. I'm just thinking out loud. Well, don't. It's often your downfall. Pump out the shit. Pumping up Gary's old hairy shit. Right, okay, well. Gary.

The old... Hello. Mate, don't. Old furry scarf. Shut up. Let me get through this. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

Join us next Friday evening, 21st of of may we'll be on twitch.tv cheap show etc and here are the 13 judges i think i don't think we've mentioned them on the show before so here are the judges who are listening to those songs as we speak and will be sending us audio or video clips to play on the night so we've got brian wecht he's got back again this year from Ninja Sex Party we have Tom Mayhew who recently did a Radio 4 show called

Tom Mayhew is Benefit Scum he's going to be judging the show the songs Suze Kempner's back to judge some music this year

Nick Helm also returns so does Stuart Ashen he's going to be reviewing them Biffo he's going to be doing it live on the night but he will be

offering his points as well we have Paul Putnam in a separate video he's going to be doing it live on the night but he will be offering his points as well we have Paul Putner in a separate video no he'll just be doing it live on the night okay so we've also got Paul Putner

who is a comedy actor you may have seen him he's been in fucking everything a bit of everything but Little Britain stuff like that Rialina

long time friend of Mean's Eli's and she's been on things like Mock the Week recently so well done her Ethan Lawrence is back to do some more judging he is a stand-up comedian he's been in things like Mock the Week recently, so well done her. Ethan Lawrence is back to do some more judging.

He is a stand-up comedian. He's been in things like, what was it, Bad Education and Afterlife with Netflix. Comedian Ashley Storey, who does a BBC Scotland show at the weekend. She's a great comedian and she's going to be doing some voting for us. We also have Eggsy from Goldie Looking Chain.

Imran Youssef, comedian and again a friend of ours from a long time ago, and also comedian and actor Gareth Berliner, who you may have seen in Doctor Who and he was in Curry on and off for a while. So there are your judges. It's a star-studded line-up of judges and I think we can say they are qualified

to give opinions. To give opinions on these and just, Paul, you're going to have sorted out the scoring system because of some issues last time with it being misunderstood by a few of the judges. I think they were

clear and concise, right? Because I said to my partner, I said, I read it out to her. I said, do you understand this? I said, here are the rules. One song gets five points.

The next four songs get whatever. The next three, whatever. And at the end, she said, yes, I understand that. And she repeated it back to me. That's a sample of one. Yeah, but it's more than I had last time. What I'm saying is what I read out to her was what was in the email I sent to all the judges. So hopefully they used this sense to judge accordingly.

I'm starting to feel like a judge now. to judge accordingly. I'm starting to feel like a judge now. You explaining how you've explained the point system is making me less confident

about everything to do with it. Look, would it not be cheap show if it wasn't a catastrophic shit show? It's a huge clusterfuck of shit ups.

In fact, shouldn't this podcast be just called Shit Show? It should be called Shit Up The Wall. No, it shouldn't be called Shit Up The Wall. It should be called

Squirty Shit Box. It shouldn't be called Squirty Shit Box, nor should it be called Shit Up The Wall. No, it shouldn't be called Shit Up The Wall. It should be called Squirty Shitbox. It shouldn't be called Squirty Shitbox, nor should it be called... Fairy Old Hairy White Shitbox. With a scarf round it. In grey wool. I was just going to say Hot Bal Gravy. Hot Bal Gravy. Hot Bal Gravy, Hot Bal Gravy.

Toot toot toot toot. Hot Bal Gravy. And a hey nonny nonny and away we go. On your money. Gravy, hot bar gravy, toot-a-doot-doot, hot bar gravy, and a hey, nonny, nonny, and away we go. Hello, everyone, and welcome back from the Sound Effect. It's time for a little part of the show. What's all this?

That we like to call... What's all this? You're taking over the show. It's fine. You know I can do it. I did it when you did the admin. I don't like this. A little bit of the show that we call Silverman's Platters. It's named after me, Paul, so I think I've got a kind of right to it. Kind of do, yeah? I'm going to bite your dick off. We're just about to discuss a couple of records.

What's going on? First, we're going to go to Eli, who's outside, and he's waiting for the arrival of the patron saint of this segment, Clyde McFatter. I don't like this at all. Eli, are you there? Yes, I'm here. I'm out here. It's me, Wendy. I don't like this at all. Eli, are you there? Yes, I'm out here. It's me, Wendy. I've lost control of this podcast.

Now, I sound like Teen Yeti. Maybe I am Teen Yeti. I've lost this podcast. I'm out here waiting for this McFatter guy. Am I even here right now? He's landing. Hello.

I'm rushing up to the chopper now, Eli. Hello, Paul. Hello, Eli. It's happening in the door. Here comes Clyde McFatter. What's going on? And let's hear from the patron saint of film and clatters, Clyde McFatter.

I'm locked out of my podcast. That's where you do the Clyde McFatter bit. Oh, you can see me? Paul, of course I can see you. You can see and hear me. Because for a minute there, I thought... I just did a thing where Teen Yeti in disguise was outside dressed as me and saw Clyde McFatter land in the helicopter and it was meant to be you.

Can we do it again? No, I'll just be Clyde McFatter now and I'll say this. Hello, welcome to the Platter segment of the show. Thanks, Clyde. Right, what have we got coming up on Silverman's Platter? I think I had an out-of-podcast experience then. You're constantly having out-of-podcast experiences. I'll give you an out-of-podcast experience.

Yeah, what will it involve? Rectal damage? No, I was going to say... With your hand? I was going to say throw you out the window. I was just going to say throw you out the window. Would you lift me by putting your fist up my arse? Sort of have me like a meat puppet and then shake me off?

Is this a request? Shake me off into outside world? Like I'm flicking off? Shake me off out the window, yeah. I shake him off, shake him off. I've put my hand up his bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. And I throw him out the window fun, fun, fun, fun. When I shake him off, shake him window fun fun fun when I shake him off

shake him off shake him off shake him off I'm going to chuck him out the window and he's going to fall on the floor when I shake him off shake him off Chodney Chodney Chodney

Chodney Hello welcome to the part of the show where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and powerlands of Great Britain. And in this instance, we go... Badges! Oh, well, yes. When are we going to fit the badges in? Let's do the badges now, before we get to the platter.

So, a few weeks ago, we had a letter that was sent in with some badges. And me and Eli, we love our pin badges, don't we? We absolutely love them. Hi, Eli and Paul. I'm sending along some gifts that I picked up at a local antiques mall for $1 each. Antiques mall?

Imagine that. Yeah. A whole mall. I guess it makes sense, though. Like a charity shop. A frift mall. A frift mall. Oh, I like that.

It's a bit like that one I went to in Florida, which was not like a whole mall, but was like a whole large supermarket. Open space with stores. A supermarket that had been converted into a charity shop. Wow.

Some lovely jeans there. And an ashtray. Anyway, he says there are six pins and two trading cards. Yeah, he sent me some kind of cool but odd Pac-Man Donkey Kong

retro from the period. Nice trading cards. Feel free to divvy them up as you see fit. The pins all came from the same vendor. They had a basket of mostly state themed

pins which had a few interesting items. The Bektash Temple pin came from the same vendor. They had a basket of mostly state-themed pins, which had a few interesting items. The Bechtash Temple pin is from the local Shriners Club in my state of New Hampshire. And the Old Man of the Mountain shown on the pin is a common logo used by our state. And the trading cards were also surprisingly risque. Yeah, it was just like,

Pac-Man does it for ghosts, or Donkey Kong's a big swinger. What, like a schlong? Yeah, they're talking about Donkey Kong's cock. Donkey Kong's a big swinger. What, like a schlong? Yeah, they're talking about Donkey Kong's. Donkey Kong's got a massive schlong. Well, we know. He has a concave. King Kong's concave.

Anyway, thank you, Dylan, from New Hampshire, USA, for those badges because they are beautiful. Thank you, Dylan. They're great. And I've got the Shriners one. I hope the Shriners aren't too sinister because I'm wearing that badge. Well, didn't we look it up and it's just like some kind of weird offshoot thing? They're a weird culty sort of Christian sect. Is that right? Something like that't we look it up and it's just like some kind of weird offshoot thing? They're a weird cult-y

sort of Christian sect. Is that right? Something like that. I don't know. It's weird. It's a lovely badge, that one. Yeah. It looked a bit like

a Star Trek Next Generation badge, weirdly. Yes, it's got this arch thing. An arch which encompasses it. Yes. Very encompassing. Nice. And I've got three here

that we sort of had a little discussion about who was going to get what, didn't we? Yeah, I got the best ones. But I did let you have the Tropicana one. Was that Tropicana? This is one here, Tropicana.

Square badge. And it has... I don't think they use that as a logo anymore for Tropicana. It's like Pac-Man a bit. Is it an orange circle with big lips? No, I thought it's a heart. Yeah, but why is there a straw coming out? Oh, that's a good point.

Maybe it's kind of a helmet of a penis. I mean, let's just get right down to it. I can see that. I can see... Mate, your penis should not look like a Lego man's head. It doesn't look like a Lego man's head. It does. It's all round and it's too thick at the end.

People will agree. Look, it looks like a mouth. It looks both like a pair of lips and a heart. I think it looks more like a heart to me, but I get it. Now, where would people let's say they're listening to this show be able to see photos of the tat that we

discussed Paul are they sitting here listening going I wish I could see that yeah they might want to get their jollies off to well luckily it looks like my helmet

emerging out of an orange no it's like being controlled by a space laser it's the first badge to depict grapefruiting you keep bringing that up don't you it just brings to mind it's a golden hit so I can't talk about Being controlled by a space laser. It's the first badge to depict grapefruiting. You keep bringing that up, don't you? It just brings to mind.

I can't talk about the fucking shredded porn in my primary school playground, but you can keep up bringing up the fucking lady with her fucking grapefruit. Can you eat two biscuits of shredded porn? I can only manage one. Only if it's deep fried. Anyway, so what was I going to say yeah the Tropicana one next one

I've got one that's Utah the state but it's got an exclamation mark but that is the shape of the state it's one of the squarest places in the world isn't it yeah anyway

it's thecheapshow.co.uk if you want to see pictures for these things these pins and another one 101% Texan again it is a shape of Texas.

Wearing a 10-gallon hat or something. With a star, because it's the Lone Star State, isn't it? It's all right. It's all right, but 101%? It's like, no, nothing is 101%. I forgot the two badges I took. How are you more Texan than Texan? Then you're not as Texan as a real Texan.

You just want to be 100% Texan. I don't want to be 101% brilliant, because then I'd be like, what? You're not on brilliant. Yeah, I'd want to be 101 brilliant because then i'd be like what you're not on brilliant yeah i'd hate to be 101 flaccid what would it even mean or 101 rigid you'd be too rigid 101 dalmatians you want to just read the maximum of 100 of anything if that's what you're going for because if you 101 you're in trouble anyway that didn't work as well as I thought it would in my mind. And it's still going.

And I had two badges and they were both based on like school dinners or school lunches. Oh, they were nice. They were like little trays with food on. Can you put photos of those up as well? I'll put photos of those up on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk for this episode. It's funny because these are places obviously in America and like an American company, Tropicana. Yeah. And that cachet or stash of vintage French pin badges that we both have similar kind of touristy industry.

You see what I mean? I think the main thing, reason that pin badges are made are either to celebrate a location, an event or just a corporate entity. Yeah. Do you see what I mean? But weirdly, what was kind of shit tack at the time is now kind of, oh, that's cool. It's a Tropicana badge.

I like it. Yeah, it's nice. As I say, lovely stuff. Thank you, Dylan. So here's the next part. Here is the final platters. Here we are, the platters. Are we doing Silverman's platters now?

Yeah. So let's start with the Flexi because I think we've just... This is a Flexi we've discussed before. Here we go. Have we discussed it before, but in passing? It's been mentioned

because I think we've mentioned Oink, which was a comic. Yes. Released in the 80s that I collected. So I remember this. So I'm just going to give a bit of background. So what we've been given... About Oink. Yes.

What we've been given is a flexi-disc. And this flexi-disc was on issue one of Oink. Oink was a British comic book for kids. And it was first out in May 1986. And it ran until 88. It was meant to be a more anarchic comic book, reminiscent of Viz, which is kind of like an adult anarchic comic book,

but again, for kids. So it was kind of like being a cross between Viz and Mad for the Beano set. And I was a reader of Mad magazine. Yeah. I knew about Viz, but I hadn't really... You couldn't get Viz. I couldn't get it. No. Because I was a reader of Mad Magazine. Yeah. I knew about Viz, but I hadn't really... You couldn't get Viz. I couldn't get it.

No. Because I was only 11. So I was sort of the perfect kind of demographic that this magazine was designed for, wasn't I? Yes. And I was like, I'm going to buy Oink for the rest of time. And I think this is one of those... It only got to like issue 50 or something. Yeah, it only ran for like four years.

It wasn't... Okay. Number of issues... It only got the first 10 or so. Number of issues, 68. Yeah, I only got the first sort of 10 or something. Yeah, it only ran for like four years. It wasn't... Okay. Number of issues... I only got the first 10 or so. Number of issues, 68. Yeah, I only got the first sort of 10 or so. And then I sort of got... It was very formulaic really after a while.

Yeah. So they basically went out to be a more toilet humour driven, rude, anti-establishment viz, but for kids. But not so rude. And I think that's probably why they didn't have that long a lifetime. Because it's quite a narrow window of when you're sort of old enough to not be old enough to get Viz because it's too adult. But adult enough to be into sort of adult humour in a way.

It's more bum-bum humour. Well, it was naughty. It was like if you were a kid at that age and you could buy Oink, it was designed to kind of look not too dissimilar to Viz at times. Because what people forget is Viz was huge in the mid-80s. It was like a runaway hit sensation. It started out as a small magazine sold in pubs and then ended up being one of the biggest sellers in the UK.

So you can easily see why in the 80s they wanted to jump. It's still going these days, isn't it, Viz? Just about, yeah. You can now see why they jumped on that to go, well, who can we open this out to? Because there were loads of knockoffs of Viz. And there was another kid's version of Viz, not by Viz people, but a Viz-like thing for kids

called Acne comics. Yes, I used to get those as well. And I used to get Acne. And that is designed to be a complete rip-off when you look at the cover. It's got the same design layout. But was it again aimed at slightly younger children as well? It was a slight little bit older than that.

Even Marvel in the UK had a naughty kids comic called The Bog Paper, which had like... Oh, I didn't see that one. Doc the Pooh and the Turdus. It's that kind of stuff. It's more toilet humour than sex humour. I think that's the distinction, isn't it? It was basically...

I mean, Viz could do both toilet and sex, but then you can only do toilet when you're 11, and then you get the sex thing as you go through puberty and you find a poor man under a plank and it looks like Sarah Green. You know what's weird

that you bring her up? Because I was writing about Sarah Green last night because I talk about her in my book. Sorry. No, I've got... Can I just go on a tangent

and say... Unresolved Sarah Green issues. Sarah Green was probably my first proper crush. I know. That's what I mean. There's something very resonant

and poignant about but I've been watching old clips of her on when she did Saturday Superstore before going live she was in Bucks Fizz right no

she was a blue Peter presenter first and then she did Saturday Superstore and then going live and I was writing about that because that's a small part of my book

but what I realised is she's fucking great at her job like you look at Mike Reed for example who we've talked about in the show before. She was a great presenter. She did a lot of heavy lifting because Mike Reed looked fucking checked out. Really? Unless there was a famous person he wanted to suck up to.

He was like, I can't. Yeah. I can't. I'm not fucking Noel Edmonds. Yeah. Because for all the shit we give Noel Edmonds, at least he put effort into Swap Shop. Yeah, because he's crazed. He's got sort of that crazed egomania.

I just think Mike Reed thought, oh, I'll jump on the fucking Edmonds gravy train. How did he get famous, Mike Reed? Was he on that thing with Esther Anson? No, he was just a popular Radio 1 disc jockey. That route. But he wasn't Noel Edmonds. That railroad from BBC Radio to the TV

is still kind of open. Anyway, oinks out the way terms of history but this flexi disc should we play a song from it yes it has two tracks it does it plays at 33 and a third rpm and it's lovely describe it because it's got a design it is sort of translucent pink uh see through but it has a piggy on it in pink a translucent pink pig so the center in silhouette essentially but let's play a bit of the only good track on it which is we're not gonna play any of the other track all right i'll play both very quickly a bit of each i'll do a bit of crossfade all right we'll do that so we'll start with what is track one the oink song yeah by the oinklets the oink song by the

oinklets and then what oink rap by Uncle Pig Uncle Pig sounds like one of our characters so Uncle Pig here we go enjoy that Mum's name drives me loony My sister is a witch

My little brother tells tales of me And my father's far from rich There's only one thing in my life that helps me get along It's when I think

of Uncle Pig and sing the oink oink song I just go boop tingle tingle pop pop boing and then I don't feel sad. Poo poo tingle tingle pop pop boing and things don't seem so bad. Poo poo tingle tingle pop pop boing a diddly diddly diddly diddly clap. Poo poo tingle tingle pop, boink I sing until I stop My teachers are all rotten They never treat me right They give me lessons all the day And homework every night

They make me wear school uniform And stop me chewing gum If I could be a bumblebee I'd sting them on their elbows when I go Poop, poop, jingle, jingle, pop, pop, boink And then I don't feel sad Poop, poop, jingle, jingle, pop, pop, boink And things don't seem so bad Poop, poop, jingle, jingle, pop, pop, boink And jiggly, wiggly, diddly, diddly, plop Poop, poop, jingle, jingle, pop, pop, boink! I sing until I stop!

Pigs runnin' round everywhere tryin' to dodge the butcher. Me and Piggy Piper, it's no crime cause we smell good at breakfast time. Don't eat pigs cause they're made from ham. Eat that nasty butcher man. I'm Uncle Pig and I'm really well known. I'm telling you kids to leave the pigs alone. Cause if you like pigs, the pigs will like you. So if your story about that Paul

Because it sounds familiar to me It is, it should be familiar to certain people in the UK In that the What's the name of it? The oinkettes Is actually Frank Sy Oinklets is actually Frank Seidbottom. Oinklettes, sorry. There's an L there. Oinklettes.

Oinklettes. That is basically Frank Seidbottom, also known as Chris Seavey. Chris Seavey. Yeah. And he came on, apparently, because the editors of Oink

knew he lived local and said, do you want to contribute to this? Where did he live? In Manchester. Manchester. That's where the magazine, I think, was first born.

And Viz was born in that part of the country as well, wasn't it? Further north, Newcastle-y thing. I'm shoddy on the details. Okay. But they saw him

and he went, do you want to take part in Oink? And so they asked him to sing the song and... It's not great. No.

Oink hit the shelves in 86, accompanied with a flexi disc and one track's called, what was it called? The Oink Song. Except apparently in this article it calls it the poo-poo, tinkle-tinkle, pop-pop, oink and tiddle-widdle-widdle-widdle-y-plop. And then Uncle Pig does the rap.

And that's all it really says on it. No, but I was listening to the verse. He talks about being at school, basically. So it's sort of definitely they said you needed this song to sort of appeal to kids. Yeah. So I think they wrote the lyrics and he just probably sang it. Being at school and being in uniform, you don't want to do it

and you just want to say poo poo oink oink. Oink oink, yeah. Whiddle whiddle. You could probably sing it in school and get told off by your teacher. Not Fanny. Unless you're a very naughty boy. I wasn't. Although I do remember finding the word bastard so funny when I was young. I laughed nearly all day about that word. Why?

Don't know. Well, it's got a ring to it. It does have a ring to it. But it was just funny. I remember, I don't know, it must have been like six or seven. And one day I said bastard out loud and I didn't stop laughing. And I think that says a lot about my career. No, it should.

It's strangely joyless. The rap is. I mean, we heard it off the Flexi, so it wouldn't have preserved the sound very well, but it didn't sound very well produced, either, did it? Well, no, it wouldn't have been, though. Just, you know, covering the bass. It's not very well produced.

Think about it, though. It was done by Frank Sidebottom very quickly as a favour. They banged it out on Flexidisc, which we knew a UK company were banging out for all sorts of companies. So it was probably easier and cheaper to get Flexis done back in the day. Oh, absolutely. But also easy to transport. But also it's made for a magazine, a Flexi. It helped sell the comic book. It was on the first issue.

So you'd go, oh, it's a song and a thing. And at the time, I probably had no way of playing it. I didn't have access to a record player. Really? Yeah, I think my dad had got rid of the turntable by that stage because he was a very early adopter of CD. He had a very early CD player. Yeah, weirdly, my dad adopted CD quickly.

I don't know how he afforded one. I think it was a Denon or one of those really early ones. No, my dad had a Technic. I don't know how the fuck he afforded it. I reckon he got a dodgy knockoff off the back of a Larry. Larry? Laurie. He got it off the back of Larry. Larry In how the fuck he afforded it. I reckon he got a dodgy knock-off off the back of a Larry. Larry? Laurie. He got it off the back

of Larry. Larry Inchman? Larry Inchman. Ah, was he doing knock-off stuff back then? Oh, and by the way, everyone, yes, we saw the Inch Cider.

Thanks. Is there Inch Cider? Yeah, there's a company called Inch's Cider. I wonder who's behind that. Yeah, it won't be Larry because he's such a drip, isn't he?

Yeah, literally. No, he's not, you know he's not talking about his penis when he says Inch, Inch. Well, luckily, he doesn't exist in this dimension anymore, so I'd like you to shut the fuck up about Larry Inchman. And I invite you, the listener, to shut the fuck up about Larry Inchman. Listen.

Because I'm fucking out. I've done it. You're done with Larry. I'm done with it. Well, release the cut, and then we'll all pipe down. No. Ooh! Anyway, this, by the way,

I need to say, this vinyl, in fact, everything for the rest of this episode onwards comes from Mark Wyke, who sent us a box and this had the vinyl in and a few other bits and bobs.

He sent some badges in. He sent a board game in. Fantastic. The TV Times board game, which is just tele addicts but it's cute so he's got a letter oh are we gonna play that at some point not today but some point uh let me just quickly go through his letter so it says good day hope you are both well i've been an avid listener of your show since the world went from our soul to breakfast time i don't know what

that means but it might be a colloquial reference we don't understand uh thankfully in my line of work i've been allowed to work from home. Anyway, I'm going to skip a bit of this. Why? Just because he's going about how great we are and it's a little bit weird when I read that stuff out. I don't like it, but thank you. Anyway, one of your episodes not long ago, Oink was mentioned and the FlexiDisc

and how Eli would love to get hold of one. There you go. It made me think back and I knew I had a copy of it. At the start of this year, my mom and my dad moved to a new house, and I was helping them out, and when I went through a box of stuff, I nearly jumped out of my foreskin with excitement, because in between some old magazines, there was that Oinklets flexi-disc. How would you jump out of your foreskin?

You'd jump through it, if anything, wouldn't you? Jump around it? You'd jump through it like it was unravelling behind you. Like an infinite Taurus. Infinite Taurus. Flesh Taurus. Flesh Taurus. Flesh Taurus. Infinite Flesh Taurus.

From the planet Smeag. I almost said Smeag. Of course you did. Right, so thank you for the flexiness. He also sent the Price of Shite, which we'll be doing in the next segment. Oh, yeah. But he also sent one more.

Should we mention the Uncle Pig rap quickly? I would like to mention it, Paul, because we do... Because I liked that first one, but I didn't like the second one. It had more going for it, slightly. But there is a strong tradition in Silverman's Platters of discussing novelty rap comedy records from Britain. And this is another example. Because what's it parodying?

The message. Is that it which has been sort of voted the best rap song of all time okay of all this so it's a very very but i couldn't quite make out what the point of the song was about don't push me because i'm close to the edge i'm trying not to lose my head yeah i don't understand i've got pigs sometimes was that what it was just they took that song and basically put the words pig and orange and ham in it. Don't eat me because I'm made of ham. I could be in a tin of

spam. That's better than it actually was. And also the beat is just badly done. Do you know what I mean? They're trying to make

it sort of like a hip The first one is shoddy but enthusiastic and it's fun. The second one looks like it's literally tossed off. Yeah.

And that is often the it would be on the flip side if this was a proper single. But they've had to put it second because it's fun. The second one looks like it's literally tossed off. Yeah, they just, and that is often the, it would be on the flip side if this was a proper single, but they've had to put it second because it's a one-sided flexi. Do you see what I mean? Oddly, it's a strange,

it's a strange pick for a rap song because it was 1986. Why? Well, when did the message come out? A couple of years before that, maybe 83. Oh,

okay. So maybe I was thinking it. Yeah, but that's what I'm, what I'm trying to get at is that it had a long afterlife rap in Britain, didn't it? Because of shit parody, though. That shit parody seemed to be a legitimate thing right up until 87, 88 almost.

There was probably more shit comedy rap UK songs than there were legitimate rap artists releasing music that were successful in the UK. Which is terrifying but also rap as a genre has a relationship an interesting relationship to novelty itself doesn't it because you know um the first sort of gangster rap record was like uh was like a novelty sort of monster it was yeah that's what i think about frankenstein or something like that weird stuff like that really weird novelty So there's connections between the genres because it is almost like, now I, I obviously, I appreciate hip hop.

So it is like a party trick type thing, rapping or was seen to be. Do you see what I mean? You mean like freestyle? Yeah. Okay. It was sort of an ability you had. Or it's a gimmick.

It's easy to gimmickify is what I'm saying. And the, and the Brits did. Yeah. And then made it all sound the same and shit. And awful they're just ripping off the message you know like when people say oh disco is mostly shit but it's like only because so many people made shit disco songs the genre itself wasn't necessarily bad similar to that yes good point because the way that disco just um took over infused all everything else advert music film music, film music, pop music. You know what I mean?

Lift music. It just got annoying. Yeah. And again, weirdly, novelty rap ended up being more successful than legitimate rap. In Britain. Yeah, in Britain, specifically. Well, there we go. Until the end of the decade, in fact. That's when you started to have really big hip-hop

hits in Britain. Yeah, because there was a crossfade of that shit going out of fashion and then proper music coming in and being mainstream, finally. But it was all... It's a discussion for a different time, but yes, I know your meaning. I'm bored now. So, is this a platter or a splatter?

It's a platter for me, but not because of the quality of the music, but because it's a flexi and I've got the connection with Oink for me. I would say a platter as well, not because of the quality of the music but because it's a flexi um and i've got the connection with oink with oink for me yeah i would say a platter as well for the exact same reasons uh simply because there's a story to it it's a good story to it and frank sidebottom you're a big fan of him i am a big fan of connection there i think i've mentioned this before but we did a 24-hour comedy show years ago uh in manchester me and graham and we did

some sketches and we were on right before Frank Sidebottom did his spot. And he had his head on. Yeah, I talked to him as Frank. But isn't the same way you spoke to a Muppet? I didn't. I was five as well. Yeah, I know there's a big difference. It's weird. You're talking to a fully grown fucking man with a papamashia head. He's freaky.

He's like Nosy Bonk. He's not like Nosy Bonk. It freaks me out. Nosy Bonk is a freaky thing, but Frank never freaked me out. Frank always gave me the willies. Lucky you. Right, here's our next song on the platter. You talk about it. Should I introduce this?

Yeah, you talk about it. This is another seven inch, but this is a vinyl seven. And this might be our favourite thing. On Jumbo Records and Tapes label, all-time favourite jingles. Yes, and it's literally that that here's a clip of it now here because the whole the whole vinyl is just different types of stings and beds and jingles from radio stations of this late 60s early 70s yeah so here's a bunch of them we'll put some together right now you're always one two three jumps ahead sick with, you'll be well fed With happy music all the while

Easy listening with a smile Keep jumping, follow suit You're gonna have a bright new future. Song number one And the beat goes on Come together Now I took a load of that from the second half of the Psy B. It gets stronger. It really does.

We'll just sit there and go, mint. All juicy. I do like some of the ones on the first side, but they're more like 50s. A little bit. 50s style. Quaint. Sort of a bit like light entertainment-y. Yeah.

Then you start getting fucking full on Moog steps. Moog and like, what's that, vocoder type stuff? I love that. in fucking full-on Moog steps. Moog and like, what's that, vocoder type stuff? I love that. And I recently,

what it made me think of is I recently discovered the Who album, the Who sell out. Okay, yeah, and that's got loads of fake adverts. They used,

they did their own fake ads because they couldn't get, as a sort of prank, they wanted to actually get ads on the album. Oh, for like, lines or whatever, yeah. They were actually paid for it.

Really? Yeah, they went for that and that didn't happen. Because you know, it's like that whole sort of art rock were actually paid for. Really? Yeah, they went for that. And that didn't happen? Because, you know, it's like that whole sort of art rock thing. They'd been to art school, wasn't he?

Yeah. What's his name? Townsend? Townsend. He's a very arty sort of... Oh, he's very arty Townsend, yeah. And I'm not a huge fan of The Who, but I really enjoyed this album.

And it was the album, the cover of which I found in the cold scuttle room when I was a child. Do you remember what I said? Yeah. And it's... This room that you probably a child. Do you remember what I said? Yeah. This room that you probably should never have discovered held a lot of dark family secrets. No, it only had a bunch of coal.

Yeah, but that's enough. And the empty cover of the Who Sell Out. And I thought, oh, beans. I don't like that. He's got beans all over him. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Anyway, they all grew up to be cunts.

So, moving on. No, not moving on. And as well as doing their fake ads on that album, they literally used the actual jingles from Radio London, which was one of these, I believe it's called. So it wasn't Capital, it was Radio London. It was one of the pirates. Broadcasting from outside of London?

Yes. So like what in the... That's what the pirates did. They, you know, it's Radio London. It's for London, but you're in the channel just out there. So they were a boat pirate. They were literally a proper pirate boat ship. Proper pirate boat ship.

Okay, because I know like... And it has a lot in common with some of the ones on this, especially the vocoder. Yeah. Brilliant. Because I know when I was growing up, there was a lot of pirate radio stations, but they were just because they put a transmitter on a block of flats

and could hijack airwaves. That's not the same thing because they went on boats. No, in the 50s up to when the law came in. Yeah. There's some kind of law because they were in international water. They could get away with it. But then they changed the law. The pirates were actually on boats, of course.

Yeah, of course. Caroline being the biggest one. They were all in the Channel, like in the North Sea. So, anyway, great collection of jingles and things like that, which we will still be using in the future for products because they were I absolutely love it and it makes you think that the way

the way the radio sort of breaks up time do you know what I mean and it's like it made me think I wish I had sort of jingles just going

in my life yeah but I guarantee do you know what I mean if I walk out the door number one or like that you know what I mean taking a shit

boom wab wab wab wab wab do you know what I mean taking a shit boom wab wab wab wab wab do you know what I mean though if you had like little stabs following you around it'd be great

and it just it's weird how the media it it it oh he's gone it informs reality yeah

and so it's like when you listen back to all old stuff like that it's like a different world is conjured up it's a flavour it's a different flavor see what i mean see yeah because like if i played you a bunch of 80s radio one style jingles you'd probably have the same kind of reaction to them it goes oh yeah i remember where i was when i heard those on the radio when they were on the background yeah but these are all before my time but i still get that

you still get that feeling of listening to the radio you know well they're, they're almost, because here's the thing, these are all generic. So these must have been farmed out to different radio stations. Yeah. You just use them as and when. And this disc, do you think, was actually designed to be used by people in radio stations? No, I don't know, because that wouldn't be the best way to play a jingle out on a radio station. No, you'd want a tape loop. You'd want it on a tape loop, yeah.

So what I think is that just a commercial release after the stations had used them and they became useless. Because people were nostalgic for them. Yeah, but sold in the 70s, not like a CD box set in the 90s. Do you remember? Now, this was Jumbo's, you've told me, Jumbo's speciality was releasing this type of material. Is that right?

They looked on Discogs and everything they released were jingles that you remember, Greatest Jingles, Caroline Jingles, A Thousand Offshore Radio Station Jingles. So they do the pirates. think they released were jingles that you remember greatest jingles caroline jingles a thousand offshore radio station jingles so they do the pirates and one or two history of radio station stuff which is kind of like audio clips and some voiceover in a jingle or two edit points i've just edited a load of shit out that i read that i didn't need to because i was reading something about a shop and not a record label. Long story short, they're just known for making jingle albums. Jingle records.

Jingle records. Now, someone sent us one on LP before and we'd like to check if it was the same label also on Jumbo because I can't recall what it was on.

But they had some excellent ones on that as well. Brilliant ones. I will have to double check that because we did... Did we ever feature it in the episode proper or did we just use it

on a Twitch stream? No, we featured it in an episode in a Platters. Oh don't know jingles can't remember oh dear anyway all too much too much but i love this we could just play old episodes and just do top and tails people do that no we're not going to do that we'll never do that we will never do a clip show unless i get desperate yeah eli's golden cheap show selection. And I could just do a bit at the top where I go, Radios! Classic gold. I could just go, hello, thank you for listening to

Eli's selected cheap show moments. Spodney Brody. Shut up. Brody. McGovern. Stop talking shit. I'm going to put my foot down. I talk shit all day long. La la la la la. I talk shit and I'm wrong.

La la la la la. Eli, can I ask you da, da. I talk shit and I'm wrong. La, da, da, da, da. Eli, can I ask you a question before I stab you with this pen? Stab me with the pen in my meter's hole. It sticks out all the little...

Fucking me. All the little... Fucking you. I hope you listen back to these podcasts in 20, 30 years' time and just shrivel up in embarrassment.

I shriveled already, mate. It's quite cold in here. Come on, focus. Fuck me. All I want to do is ask you. All I want to do... Zoom, zoom in the poon poon. I'm holding the pen in a stabbing motion.

Check your romp. Is it a platter or a splatter? Fuck me, you've killed this episode for me now. It is a huge platter, this. I love this. We both sat here with a real smile on our face. We did.

Listening to this, both sides are great. Which has since left me because Eli's killed me emotionally inside now. Watch out, I'll get a character. He's hurt me now.

He's actually hurt me. I did, I jabbed you with a pen because I saw. That's what I mean. Is this acceptable? Well, if you stopped coming up

with nonsense. Is this acceptable? I asked you people. He jabbed me with a pen. Could have broken. He's doing it more. Naught acceptable? I asked you people. He jabbed me with a pen. Could have broken. He's doing it more. Naughty. Stop that.

I'm going to fucking keep doing it until you stop being random. Stop being random. I can't stop being random, Paul. You used to be a normal man. I am a normal man. You're not a normal man. When we get to record this episode, week in, it's like a transformation. Week in and week out.

And week out. Thank you. Week in and week out. Right. You, thank you. Week in and week out. Right? You've become a Jekyll and Hyde. We sit there before the show and you're all rational and then I turn record on oh, it's like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory pours out of your mouth. Why is it like that?

Hang on. I've got issues with what you just said. You're the merchant of absurd. With Willy Wonka, how is it like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory? Because what? I'm a mad genius inventing sweets. I'll do that if you want. I'll do that if you want. Look, I've invented this. It's called

Snotty Candy Sprinkles. Are you a little boy who's won a competition? Taste that. Ah, you're dead. Fuck off. I've chosen you. Little boy, well done. Did you really like... Fucking hell. Paul, I've got other things to say little boy well done did you really like fucking hell cool

I've got other things to say about records hey Eli can't all be gold can it it can't all be gold and this rig is not gold it's not gold

but there was a good gold jingle on that wasn't it that one where he goes golden sounds or whatever like that it was great wasn't it I honestly just

fucking lost my will to live come on it's fine we've got Price of theushaito coming up. Should we just move on straight to that? Yeah. Because I am this far away from a stroke. I am this far away. You're not having...

Don't... Be serious. I am being very serious. You're not this far away from a stroke. Oh, well, not if you play your cards right. Oh. Oh, that's piss poor. Stop, press stop.

That's press stop. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Fucking price. It's the fucking price of shite. And that's Ray. How about that one? You like that one?

Fine. I was going to say, I've got a number four on my list. Oh, go on. Red I was going to say I've got a number four on my list oh go on red panda grandma oh I've got a number four on my list no you fucking don't he's scrabbling now

who's done the prep I've done the prep right I've got one my number four and twat oh that sounds you know what

your vocabulary is so limited it's like Alan Twat remember Alan Twat the local historian? What's he written now? He's written a number five. What's number five, Paul?

I've done it now. Number five is a chugging hoppity. Chugging hoppity gets the tick. Here we go. It is the fucking price of shy, Paul. This is the little game we like to play on Cheap Show here where some tat is provided. It is.

We do not know the purchase price of the tat. No, it comes again once again from Mark. Thank you, Mark, for providing the content

for this. Or David, if his boss is listening, apparently. That's what it says on the letter. I don't know. We're not meant to say Mark.

It doesn't matter. I don't care. You don't care? I do. Well, don't say it then. Edit point. it then edit point no edit point edit point

so hey edit point yeah edit point what do you mean edit point you're just saying that

edit point you're just saying it over and over again edit point so to summarise number one Finchley two

Fanta Cakes three Inside Gnome and four Red Panda Grandma. Edit point. So here's mine. Number one, Empty Eggs.

Number two, Fart Kissing. Three, The Margate Grumble. Four, Antwatt. And five, Chugling Hoppity. Chugling Hoppity. That's four to three in the great race today, by the way. Put your money on Chugling Hoppity. Now, we...

Guaranteed dead cert. We play for one abstract object. Yes, we do. Here on the Price of Shite, Paul. What is that abstract goal which we all strive for? All players of the game. Every point we get is not a point, for it is a patwing. A patwing is what we get when we get a point at this game.

It's a patwing. My wingers, they're all oiled up. Like a membranous wing. And it's like, what's that? Fucking hell. When you beckon. Oily beckonings from my wingeth as I welcome the hopeful, hopeful cometh of the patwingeth. Right.

So Mark or David says that he found these prices shite over the course of a few months. Some were from Poundland, some were from Etsy, some were from eBay. Etsy, so he got some delivered. But he does say all six items add up to £9.15 on the nose. I'm going to write that down. I'm going to write that down also. £9.15 on the nose. Total.

On the nose. Now, how are the betweens? Before we get into it, Paul, I don't know if he's put anything down. Mark stroke David. He's put anything down. I'm opening it up now. Hang on.

Where are the prices? In that sealed envelope? Let me try. I'm sniffing it. I've only just opened it now. It's got a nice perfumey smell. Has he put perfume on it? Chat us up. Oh, a nice half. Oh, you flirt, Mark. David. It's got a nice perfumey smell. Has he put perfume on it to chat us up?

Oh, you flirt, Mark, David. It's got a hardness in there. Is it spicy muff? It's a hard thing. It's like it's on a floppy disk. He's pulled out all the stops for this. That's the price list, Paul. I think he's chatting us up. It's sealed. He gives us all nice things and this smells of

men's cologne. So what are you saying? We both josh off separately into the envelope, send it back to him. Send it back, yeah. By tracked mail. You know what I'm saying? I've got one of those pots left over from the licorice salt. And then the postman,

no, let's just put it straight in the envelope so it gets damp. So it's all damp and sticky. Yeah. And then the postman will have to sign for it. No, that's just, he won't. He's called Pat. He'll take one sniff of the envelope and put it in the bin

like most posties do. Unless it's a cheque. Fuck you, postie. So, just to sum up, Paul, the price list is brilliantly sealed and it feels like it's got some further hard envelope inside it. Cardboard to maybe...

Yeah, so now you can't see through it. Yeah, that's very good. We'll be opening that until we've made our guesses. Shall I write down the guesses? No, I'll do it because you're going to make noise on that table. So I'll do it on this side. Well, Paul, make a little grid for the price guesses to go in.

One, two, three, four, five, six. There we go. And then E in one column and P in the other. Here we go. Right. So one, two, three. I'm writing it down. Now, historically, when we play this game,

Paul, shut up, Paul, gets more per twings. No, I've had a good run recently. I'd say, if anyone added up the, I've had a very good run recently.

You have. Last time you won, so I'm looking for a W column. It wasn't a big win though. It wasn't a big win. With the per twings, and my wingeth, and like I say,

beckon. Here are, my wingeth beckons. Right. I need you to shut up potentially forever, but just for now. Come on. Let's get an item out. If you get the price on the nose, you get two betwings.

That means you get the price exactly right. Betwing, betwing. Betwing. However, if you're off. No, you just did three. You did a third one. Did I? Yeah.

Just shut up your betwing mouth and do that again. I'll give you the betwing. No, I'm just going to... So, if you're on the nose, two patwings. Patwing, patwing. Patwing. You cunt! You're doing it to roll me!

I will never be silenced! I know. That's the galling fucking thing. Well, if you rip my tongue out physically, it would be pretty close. Off by 25p, north or south of the right price. Either side of the price, 25p. Yes, you will get just the one patwing. And that's all we can play for, really.

Okay, we're not doing an order or anything? No, because we don't know what the items are. No, we don't know. So all we know is it's been £9.15 in all. Total. Yeah. So hopefully that will make us think. So I'm just going to grab the first item.

Now, also, Paul, something you often overlook, who is going to guess first? Because then we have to alternate because, you know, you get the advantage if you get to guess second. Well, let me guess first. This clone's making me quite poorly now. It's nauseous. You guess first first, because then we have to alternate, because you get the advantage if you get to guess second. Well, let me guess first. This clone's making me quite poorly now. It's nauseous.

You guess first first, Geoff. Yeah, here's the first item. Oh, it's a comic book. Oh, it's Zit. Weird. Oh, weird, because I was trying to think of what the other magazine I was thinking of. Didn't you say Acne? Yeah, and this is Zit.

There was another one. Wow. So this is another Viz-style comic strip, which I think was still for younger kids, wasn't it, Zit? I don't know it's got a picture of the queen by royal appointment that's a joke obviously yeah

we've been at the felt tips again it says on the cover it says not for sale to minors yeah so this is probably literally a a viz knock off Psycho Derek

is the back page cartoon I'm just looking for any swearers no swears there John McPugh he's better than you right Timothy Christopher country vet yeah you could be making this up right now and I wouldn't though for any swearers. No swears there. John McPugh, he's better than you. Right. Timothy Christopher,

country vet. Oh, yeah. You could be making this up right now and I wouldn't, though. No, come on. 101% crazy. What? What does that mean? But remember the Texan?

Eh? The Texan bad. Oh! It's got 101% and I did that whole bit that didn't work about 101%. I'm getting out of here.

He's doing a fake walkout but it's more of a fake freakout walkout. Oh, he's got the Mon-Alf noise. And he's come back. He's come back round. He's come round here again. This, oink.

This comic strip. What's going on? 101% crazy. And these are the three t-shirts. I'm frightened that maybe Mark Strode. Blue's agent. Mate, is Mark Strode? This is cool.

I don't think I ever read this. Dirty Stan, Blue Movie Man. So yes, it's got the sex stuff. So it's not for kids then. It's not for kids. Dickie Dreadful's comedy. It's a total rip-off of this. Yeah, because that's the thing

that people might need to know. Fake tabloid stuff. In America, maybe, or international listeners might not understand what the point of Viz was. And Viz was to do a really adult, rude, vulgar take

on classic British comics like Beano and Dandy. And the idea was a lot of their characters were like Roger the Dodger,. And the idea was a lot of their characters were like Roger the Dodger, you know, who was a bit of a conman or Dennis the Menace.

And this is a spin, an exaggeration on those for some kind of, you know what I mean? It's like social satire. Some of this wouldn't fly today. There's a strip here, The Adventures of Stevie Wonder Woman.

What? And then there's Whose Line Is It Anyway? Fatima Whitbread and it's all Fatima's pants and they're like men's pants. Yeah, it wouldn't fly today. And there's a little Spoff fucking stain there.

Is it? A little wee stain. It's a little camel toe thing, isn't it? I want to have a look at this. You fucking had a look longer than me. Definitely. Introducing Poppy, the boss-eyed prozzie. Fucking hell.

Love it up my ass. I'll make it throb in my hand. Oh, this is an actual ad for a chat line no I don't know it looks like a cartoon because like why would you call yourself

Poppy the Boss Eye Prozzie it's dirty this isn't it no that's a number there's a number it's a chat line number no it is I'm not calling that this is sort of like

on the verge of porn no didn't Viz have sort of smutty ads in it you know what I don't think it I don't know if they ever did go to the point

they had chat line ads they did have chatty ads in it. You know what? I don't think it... I don't know if they ever did go to the point of like... They had chat line ads. They did have chat line ads in there. Jack Diamonds. What's this? Sex Line. Conan the Librarian. Oh, flipping heck.

Lambrusco. The Alcoholic Bad Attitude Sheep. Young Tarby. Ho, ho! It's crazy that there was like a whole industry. Viz was such a hit that these things could exist. All right, but here's the thing. What's the price? Not Zit. Viz. Yeah. Viz was such a hit that these things could exist. All right, but here's the thing. What's the price?

Not Zit, Viz. Yeah. Viz was such a hit that Zit could exist. And they tried to broaden it out for kids. This is issue number eight. Oh,

there you go. Nice item. So what do you think is the price of that? Now, it has a cover price of a quid. Yeah, well,

it won't be worth that now. Oh, dear. You're guessing first, first. Oh, I am. Yes.

Okay. So in that case, I really want a price from you. Oh, I am, yes. Okay, so in that case... I really want a prize from you. I'm going to say £1. No. £1 written on it. I'm going to say 50p. I don't know if that's right, but I'm going to say 50p.

I'm going to say 65p. 65p, says Mr Silverman. Right, next item. Could be more. I'm just going to reach in blind. Can we revise these? Can we revise these once they've all come out? Next item.

What is it, Mr Silverman? He's handed it to me. It's another FlexiDisc. It's the Care Bears movie FlexiDisc. Gives that a free FlexiDisc. I think I literally had this as a kid. A gift from the Care Bear family. Extracts and songs

from the Care Bears movie, the book of the movie, Care Bears to the Rescue LP. I think I had this as a kid. Didn't we cover an LP of theirs on the show? We did on the Silverman's Platters.

Is that one of these though? I don't know where this comes from but I remember I got this with an issue of the Care Bears comic

and it had a flexi disc on the front and it had a song from the movie and it looks like it's this. It must be.

Put it on. I'll read the back of it while you're setting it up. This record is a special gift from the Care Bears.

On it are messages from some of the Care Bear cousins you met in the film. Brave heart lion, bright heart raccoon, lots of heart elephant, cock-a-lot, chimpanzee. If you loved the film, then share the experience again with the book of the movie by the Care Bears and Care Bears cousins, the toys, the music soundtrack, and the music soundtrack. Right, you ready?

Yeah. So this is just going to be messages then by the sounds of things. It's, you ready? Yeah. So this is just going to be messages then by the sounds of things. It's just one side. Yeah. Just one side. Wow! Hi, I'm Braveheart Lion, one of the Care Bear cousins and Lion, one of the Care Bear cousins

and a new member of the Care Bear family. Now you've enjoyed the Care Bears movie, there's a range of toys to help you relive the adventures of the movie with the Care Bears. This song, called In a Care Bear Family, is now a single and is taken from the LP called The Care Bears Movie Soundtrack. So why don't you join us dancing around?

Now all you Care Bear cousins coming, gather next to me. We're standing here together Just as proud as we can be We saved the world from caring folks like you and you and me And when we care together, you become a family And it's great to be In that Care Bear family in that Kebab family. In that Kebab family. And I'm proud to see that you're standing here with me. That you're standing here with me.

Well, that was some advertising. Fuck me, that was so blatant. I thought they were going to be a bit subtle, but no, it was like, buy this. It was like, literally like, just buy these fucking toys, kids. And then had a storyline that you call. That must be premium. Isn't that great? Hi there.

I'm Cozy Heart Penguin, who saved Bedtime Bear when he fell asleep and dropped off their boat. and dropped off their boat. You can now read all about our adventures in a new storybook from the Care Bears book series called The Book of the Movie. And if you pick up the phone, dial 100, and ask for the Care Bears storyline, you'll be able to hear this. So there's a book as well as a record. What else is there lots of, hard elephant?

No! Well, there lots of, hard elephant? Boo-boo! Well, there's us, of course. You can get Care Bear Cousins to add to the wonderful collection of Care Bear toys to help make us special friends, too. We come as Cuddly Plush. Wow! Posables.

And six miniatures to collect. We'll all be able to play together, share our feelings, and have lots more fun and adventures. I've heard tell that there's another Care Bears adventure, which is a musical adventure. Care Bears to the Rescue. In which the Care Bears meet Professor Coldheart in his evil castle. It's an LP and cassette when the Care Bears come to theheart in his evil castle. It's an LPN cassette when the Care Bears come to the aid of a boy called Kevin.

Let's hear it for the Care Bears! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! But it's the movie plot. Did you ever call a line for a Ghostbusters storyline? No, I don't think there was one, but i never remember calling anything like that online not online

on the phone on the phone i never remember doing anything on the phone like that i remember when uh we found out that you could get capital radio on the phone and we listened to capital radio down it was expensive well expensive yeah weird because you know here's the thing about this is like it's so blatant the fucking i mean these were already successful the care bear figures now we think this was a giveaway when people kids were either going in or walking out of the care bears the movie they must have because it just says free flexi disc i remember having the comic with the flexi disc on and all that had is the song that was featured on there it was like a song taken from the film so commercial the list of

products is crazy they've got figurines the story time thing the plushies the book the film so commercial the list of products is crazy they've got figurines the story time thing the plushies the book the film the lp and there's the lp that we used on the show a few episodes you know that is the lp that is to the rescue there's two lps and the care bears the movies soundtrack it's all there and also you gotta remember this when this film came out it wiped the floor with disney disney released I think it was The Black Cauldron. And that was their nadir, wasn't it? It was the most expensive Disney film they'd ever made. And the movie...

It flopped hard. Well, the Care Bears movie was made for almost nothing, comparatively. And it ripped up the box office. Because it had the toy toy? Because it was an advert for more toys. Because literally, you've bought the Care Bears by the time this movie comes out. And when this movie comes out, do you know what happens? It goes, here's the Care Bear cousins, literally you've bought the Care Bears by the time this movie comes out and when this movie comes out do you know what happens?

It goes, here's the Care Bear cousins which you've never heard of before. Now you can buy them on the way out. It's like the Transformers movie. That movie was made so they could get rid of the old line and bring in a new line of toys.

That's why they killed off Optimus Prime and introduced all these other characters because then the kids come out and go, I want Motormouth or Jet played by Eric fucking Eidel. Because yes, on this record you have the penguin and the lion

introducing it, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Which is also weird. Very cynical. Very salesy. Yeah. Now, I need to guess how much that was.

Yeah, how much do you think that was? We've got four more items, remember. I'm going to say £1.30. Put me down £1.30, please. £1.30. I'm going to say £1.50. Going to go higher. Yeah. Slightly 0. I'm going to say 150. Going to go higher. Yeah.

Slightly higher. I was going to go a little higher. You'll see, you'll notice, everyone, that we're playing quite cagey within the 25p either way on each other's prices. Four more items. We're trying to get those little betwings you get if you're off. But, you know what I mean? Mate, four more items and we've still got, what, seven quid to make up based on these prices. So, next item.

Ooh, it's Ghostbusters Tops trading cards. Like the one Stuart got me, and they were sent in the... Is there chewing gum in there? Can I have it? All right, I'll tell you what. I'm going to open... Oh, there is. Oh, there is. There's chewing gum. How old is it?

40 years. Sniff it. It doesn't smell of actually anything. Shall I? Don't put it in your mouth. It's 30 years old. Don't lick it. Don't do that.

You're not Stuart. I've eaten a bit of it. It's very sugary. It's all powdery. Oh, don't. Can you taste the rot? No, I can just taste sugar. Oh, mate,

that's 30 years old in a mostly, you know, to the elements pack. Always drinking a drink. Yeah, of course you are. So here we go. We've got some Ghostbusters 2 trading cards. We've got Stance and Slime descending into...

Is that going to make me sick? Probably, and I hope so too. You fucking stupid, wretched bellend. Is it Teen Yeti? I want to do what Stuart does. I want to eat stuff. Stuart has trained his stomach and lips for years on his channel. You can't just dive in and put 30-year-old gum in your mouth.

I did. Looking on this one, it has brown bits. It was very grumbly. Yeah, good. It had brown bits. Yeah, that one does. Does it? Yeah.

Or there's a picture of Vigo. Are these stickers? There's some Scolari Brothers stickers. Are they stickers? No, they're just training cards apart apart from that one which is a sticker Can I have the sticker one please? Er no Stick it on my box

No they're for my Ghostbusters collection You need these? Yeah because I haven't got any of those cards as far as I remember If I've got any doubles you can have the doubles

Ghostbusters 2 Dr Venkman's house you've got House call Is that creepy? No that's just I don't Whose baby is not his?

No it's Dana's So why didn't their love last? Because shit sequel. We have to tell the story again. Ghost Catcher Supreme, Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, that's where they're catching the jogger in Central Park. Spectral Assault. That's the Scaleri brothers attack in the courtroom.

Pictures on our website for all these items. Oh, there's a taste now with that stuff. Yeah, you shouldn't have done that. It's... Yeah, good. I hope it gives you the utter shit the utter shit the utter shit i didn't swallow any yeah but it's on your tongue it's already infected you i only took a tiny bit yeah that's all it takes mate

filming lady liberty's walk yeah that's when they fill it with goop yeah i hope they clean that off once they returned it nah it'd probably dry off what happened did they have to crane it back it was like you've left this Statue of Liberty in the middle of New York nah leave it there

no because they put it back at the end you see it back on how does it get back well that's what I'm saying they go back they re-spooge it and play that tune

well that's what they would have to do they probably played a different tune like roll out the barrel no what tune would you play to make it going home?

Yeah, Steptoe and Son. Freedom Returns. Freedom Returns. I bet there's a song called that. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na I've survived some slimings in my time. No, you haven't. Oh, yes, sir. No, you haven't. And I don't mean ghosts. I mean spunk shower. No, you haven't. You haven't been in a spunk shower, Eli. I know.

I know. There's really a descent into danger. What's that, then? When they go down to find the river of slime and the hole they make is... The Libby Express. That's another one in the helmet. So I can't have it, then?

No. They are all mine. I have to guess the price. You do have to guess the price of those. Now, you've probably got some knowledge in this area. I'm just going to put, for no real reason other than to ramp up the price, I'm going to put two quid down on that. God, there's a taste now.

Yeah, good. That will teach you. It was so crumbly. Yeah, good. That'll teach you. What will it teach me? To not be naughty boy, buh-buh. And not to be a naughty boy.

Is that how you talk if you were teaching me? Hey, nonny nonny. Groiny groiny. Right, so do you want to give us a price or do you just want to say nonny nonny for a bit? I haven't said nonny nonny yet. You just said it then. Did it feel good?

75p. Nonny nonny. It felt groiny groiny. Hey, groiny groiny. Right, next item. Eli, what's that? These are erasers portraying the characters from Sonic Boom. The flop Wii U Sonic game that was glitched to fuck.

Oh, was it bad game? Yeah, and it was also glitchy. Also glitchy and shit. Just a terrible thing. Rushed. Oh, this is outside my area of expertise. Rubbers. I thought you liked erasers.

I do, but only certain types. I like them when they... I don't like these ones with pictures on. Why not? They're just the silhouette. No, because I prefer they're the actual objects. Oh, I see what you mean. Three-dimensional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that old cassette play in the LCD game thing. Yeah. I see what you mean. I get it. I'm with you. I'm down. I'm fat without. These are fine, but, you know,

it's for a terrible thing, and I would say it's probably £2.25. Oh, £2.25! Alright, I would say it's probably £2.25. Oh, £2.25. All right, I'll put it down for £2.25. I was going to say £1.50 again for these. Well, go on then. So £1.50 again for these. Yeah.

This is a very smooth print of the sticker. Because you get Sonic and Knuckles and Amy. There's a sticker on... It's cheap and nasty. They're nasty. Yeah, they're not great. But I think they're the type of thing that you would get two quid for because when did it come out sonic boom i don't know about five years ago for the wii u yeah something like that well that's sort of like an x console now

isn't it yeah it is in the realm of retro oh yeah right next oh oh my mouth is it's like oh this is something for Gannon. This must be quite new. The garbage gang contains slime and one Garbage Pail Kids figurine. It's a little plastic tub. It has got a price on the side, though. I do wonder if that's giveaway. And it's not like a sticker.

It's like it's printed on the label, which says £2.50 or €4. My guess is £2.50. Yeah, just write that down now. We'll both put that down now. We'll both put that down now. We'll both put that. Get some betweens. This is where we find that it's 50p. It may well be.

It might be a double. Oh, it's orange slime and a little clear plastic barrel drum thing. It's like an industrial barrel. I'm going to open it. Here we go. Is there a smell to the slime?

It's not like the Ghostbusters slime smell that you can smell it. Not really. Oh, oh, it's wet slime I can see it's quite wet

it's very snotty don't get it on I want to get the figurine out I've got one it's got the figurine out of the slime oh I know who it is it's the generation one

yeah it's a generation one oh it's got a little wrapper on so it's not I can take the wrapper off I know I'm prodding the slime yeah put it on the microphone for ASMR

and see if people like it oh I bet you're fantastic in bed I know, I'm prodding the slime. Yeah, put it on the microphone for ASMR and see if people like it. Oh, I bet you're fantastic in bed. I am fingering the slime. He is, he's fucking... Double. Fucking doing it... Oh, I take that back. You must be a fucking bitch.

Oh, shut up. If that's how you stimulate a lady's clitoris... Listen, Majani Kanchana. Mate, you can't just start saying nonsense. It's a worrying trend. Oh, look. Angelana. I can't remember the name of the character,

but it's something like Stretching Megan. It's like the little baby with the stretched out face or something. It's painted. I thought it might be all, you know, they might have gone that far. That's a nice level of detail. Back in the 80s, no, 90s, 80s, like 80s, they did release Garbage Pail figure blind bags. The tongue is purple and the hair is yeah blonde one color right there

were are ones that are one color yeah i think i remember those that's what i was expecting yeah i was expecting that this is better yeah it's you know painted you know basically it's a little uh figurine oh god it was really snotty it is like having really snotty fingers. Slime, mate. I just wanted to get it out. Now, this is old school slime because slime had a sort of rejuven... Oh, it's all right. I thought it really went on my new kegs. Slime had a rejuvenation lately

with sort of YouTubers doing it, kids got into it. But that's more like sort of glammy slime, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's not meant to be icky. It's sort of meant to be sort of, you know, like... It's not as good as the Ghostbusters stuffbuster stuff i remember which is a bit more kind of tactile there's all sorts of slime people make their own slime kids make their own slime put glitter in it

and stuff now it's too watery that for me i like it a little thick too watery so but the figurine is pretty good there i like it now you have to guess a price we've done it number 250 because the label said so there you you go. Last item. Oh, maybe this is two items. Oh, what's this? Are you like... Oh, it's a cassette and a Lady Bird book. Oh.

Masters of the Universe, Castle Greyskull Under Attack. Is the book and the cassette connected? Castle Greyskull Under Attack, it says on the cassette as well. Play it. Got a cassette player here. So yeah, it's a Lady Bird book. It's got Castle Greyskull on and then on the front cover

there's He-Man being attacked by a squid or something and he's chucking his sword around. I think I had this when I was a kid. I just don't remember there being a cassette with it.

Might goes hand in hand with Riot as He-Man and the mass of the universe fight to make their planet safe. The greatest of their enemies is Skeletor, the Lord of Destruction. We started from the beginning

of the tape, do you think? I presume so. Well, I had to rewind it. We'll rewind it then? It's in the Yamaha now. Alright, good. Anything else you'd like for me? Skeletor, Lord of Destruction

and this evil band whose hatred for their foes is never ending. What was the evil band? Van Halen? Yeah, probably. Van Damon. Hey!

I did a pun! Why? How was that a pun? Van Damon. What does that mean? It said evil version of Van Halen. Van Demon. Damon. Is it a mean? It's an evil version of Van Halen. Van Demon. Damon.

Is it a legitimate way of pronouncing the word Damon? Ah, fighter of the night, man. Ah. Oh, Dayman. Yeah. I never thought of that. Yeah, you didn't. Shut up.

It's better than you reading that shit out. I'm not going to read it. I need a prize from you. No, we're going to see what the cassette says first. I want to hear what the cassette story sounds like for a bit. There's quite a lot of text in it. Here we go, you ready? Yeah, take it away, Sam.

Masters of the universe. Castle Greyskull under attack! In his lair in the heart of Snake Mountain, Skeletor, Lord of Destruction, eagerly studied an ancient stone tablet. His eyes blazed as he read the carved letters. At last! He cried in triumph. The secret of the ancient Eternians.

I will tap the power of the planet itself. Not all the strength of Castle Greyskull can stop me. Oh, it stopped. It didn't like it. Do you think it got caught? Oh, no, it's totally snapped.

It's snapped. Oh, well then, Eli, I don't know how I'm going to get that footage off. You'll have to look it up online. Maybe someone's done a... Maybe. It's an old tape. It does happen. Oh, that's a shame, isn't it?

Nothing you can do about that. Let's have a moment's silence for the passing of a story cassette. Just a moment. Thank you. Now, Paul, from what you did here before it snapped,

did it sound like the legit voice actors from the TV series? Absolutely not. It wasn't, was it? It was a British guy doing an American accent. It seemed like it

because it's by Pickwick Tell-A-Tale. Pickwick did a load of cheap stuff. I remember they did a load of cassette and classic fairy tales books. Yes, they did.

They were huge in kids' record. Every issue had three or four stories and a cassette with each one that read them out. That's right, yeah. And I think this was maybe what they teamed up with Lady Bird to make. Lady Bird, for people who don't know, was a very famous brand of children's book. Did they not have them in America? I thought they did have Lady Bird books in America. I don't know.

But it's a format isn't it it's a certain size and uh little hardback um books yeah i had a ghostbusters 2 one and these days you get a whole sort of industry of sort of uh fake and parodic uh ladybird books like you know five five go to brexit oh yeah all that post-mortem stuff or a guide to being an adult. Yeah, all of that. Fuck off. Some of those are quite funny, I think. But anyway, yeah. Right. Lady Bird books.

Some of them are pretty cool from what I remember. They're some of my favourite books as a child. Because they also did licences for, I think, things like Puddle Lane and Thomas the Tank Engine as well.

I had the ones that were like just lady because my parents were really against branded stuff. Oh really? They really hated all of that. I wasn't allowed to watch TV until I was 10. Do you know what I mean? So that's perhaps what made me

sort of want to get rid of the publisher's logo on my Winnie the Pooh books. What an interesting psychological discussion this could be. But I'm moving on. Moving on for everything. There's nothing you're interested in. I could say nothing that would make you laugh now. The thing is, I love story tales, cassettes and books.

Story tales? Story tales, cassettes and books, right? You like story tales, do you? What's a story tale? It's a tale about a story, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Story tales. Story tale time.

Story tale time with Paulie. Week time, day time, story tale time. So, I remember a few years ago I did an Evil Dead 2 children's book and tape. I put it up on YouTube, I think. Yes, you love it. It's something I love.

It's invocative of, you know, not being able to see the movie when it came out on VHS because it wouldn't happen for years. So these filled in a gap. There was something you actually enjoyed. I think they were a bit

after my time, maybe. But I think with this, these came out around at the same time the toys did so they probably didn't know what was going on in the cartoon or what the plot in order to arrive in time for kids yeah the cartoon series didn't know what the toy line was because the toy line um had its own uh law its own history so the comic books that they came with the Master of the Universe action figures had nothing to do with the cartoon series.

Oh, really? So they might have just said, here's a basic Bible of the characters. They live on Etonia, here's Skeletor, here's that. That's it, yeah.

It was pretty simple. Ladybird, the writer of this, who's a guy called John Grant, went, I've got this Bible of characters and things, here's what I think it is.

Because they didn't see the cartoon. Well, it started with Skeletor doing something, didn't it? Yeah, I'm Skeletor. It didn't sound like that, though. Hey, man. Yeah. Something like that.

Nice, Paul. Now, how much? How much? Is it my turn to tell you? It is. No. Because I said $2.25, didn't I, before? Yeah, but you said $2.50 first for the other one.

So I copied you. So it is your turn to go before? Yeah, but you said 2.50 first for the other one. So I copied you. So it is your turn to go first. No, it's not. It is. If I said first for 2.50, then it's your turn to go first. No, it's your turn. Because it's the last item. All right, I'm going to go guess.

What have I got so far? 2.50, 1.50 is £4, 5, 6, 7, 8. So I'm going to say 1.50 again for that. You can't stop me. I make the rules. I'm going to say £3. Oh, he's going to say 150 again for that. You can't stop me. I make the rules. I'm going to say £3. Oh, he's going to go £3 for this. Just so you know, you've said 65p, £1.30

so that's £1.95 £2.70 £3.40 £4.80 Love this. Struggling. £9.10. Give it here, 20 pounds you've done shut up, I'm going to see how close I am to 9 I know numbers, I know them

they are hard in my head 3 pound 5 pound 7.50 7.50 just splashing me slime around in the tub over, I've done over. I've gone over.

Do you want to amend anything then? You don't have to amend, I guess. Yeah, I'm going to go down. Very busy guy out there. He's not going to sell many ice creams going at that speed. You only say that when it's an ambulance. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

The taste of that. Just what do you want to change? Down to £2.50 on the book and tape price. Right. £2.50. Eli, would you want to change? Down to £2.50 on the book and tape price. Right, £2.50. Eli, would you like to read out the prices? Now that I'm going to open this meticulously sealed. Spread your

wing, it's time for the betwings. Hopefully. Hopefully. Well, we're guaranteed for, aren't we, between us for that thing, unless that was... Yeah, we didn't think it through. That might have been it. Oh, look! There's some garbage pile kids in here

oh that's what the odd thing was which one's that one that's a first generation one mangled Paul oh an illegal Eli

the cards are us oh mate that's a good one that as well that oh you can have that of course you can yeah that's nice

that was the rigidity I was talking about you know what thank you very much for everything today that you've done, Mark. Cheers. Okay.

Now, they're in a different order here. You read them out as you've got them, and I'll just tick them off. So go by how it's read. First, we're going to start with the Sonic Rubbers. Right, the Sonic Rubbers. What did we say for the Sonic Rubbers? Oh, I can feel a between coming. Mate, I've just realized I didn't write down which order was which.

You said it was 225, you said, didn't you? You twazz which. You said it was 225, you said. You did Twazuk. Yeah, it was 225. Absolute Twazitran. Sonic is... You fucked it. No, that's not what... No, no, I'm figuring it out.

He-Man was last. Right? And then before Sleepy He-Man, we had Garbage Pail. And then the first one we did was what? What was the first one? Zit. Zit was the first one. And then we did...

Airbash was the second. It wasn't the second one. Yes, it was. It wasn't the second one. was, what was the first one? Zit. Zit was the first one. And then we did... Care Bears was the second. It wasn't the second one. Yes, it was. It wasn't the second one. Yes, it was. It was the Ghostbusters cards. Was it? No, you twat!

So, Care Bear... Fuck this. I can't believe how badly you fucked this. We have to start again. No, we're alright. Isn't that a look? No, it is. We're not alright.

How do you remember it? Zit, Care Bears, Ghostbusters 2, when Sonic and Garbage Pail Kid then He-Man. I think that's right. We're not all right. That is right. How do you remember it? Zit, Care Bears, Ghostbusters 2, when Sonic and Garbage Pail Kids and He-Man. I think that's right. I think that's right. Judged by the prices. Yeah, that's right.

And that's right. Edit point. You're a cunt. Edit point. You fucked that. Come on. So royally. Anyway, the first one was a Sonic,

which was item number four. Okay. You said 225. I said 150. You cunt. What is it? You've made this up. How have I made this up? It was sealed. It was £1.25. I said £1.50. You can't. What is it? You've made this up. How have I made this up?

It was sealed. It was £1.25. You got the order wrong. Oh, it doesn't matter. I've still got it right. One per twing there. One per twing. So-called per twing.

So give me your per twing now. Put some effort into it. Listen, I'm holding back on saying it. Do it now, round by round. We don't know for sure that this was the order. It is the order. We'll see afterwards. It is the order. We'll see afterwards. It is the order.

We'll see afterwards. So far, I've banged a twing. Next one. What have you got next? Ghostbusters 2 top stickers. Item number three. Was it? Yes.

I said £2. You said 75p. £2.50. Oh, I'm just out. So nothing there. But I was closer than most. Oh, God. You're not going to like this.

What's the next one? Garbage pail. The garbage pail. Kids slide. Right. So we both said. We because the sticker because we're idiots and we got lazy it was one pound 50 oh shit all right no no no next one oh god masters of it i'm not gonna get a single between that was the last one you said 250 i said 150 the universe tape and book yeah one pound £1.10. Oh. Although, again, I was closer than you. Who cares? Well, ultimately, it means I've unbetted you to a price than you.

I actually think there's something wrong with my tongue now that I've eaten that thing. Good. Next. I'm actually going to need you to... I'm doing nothing with your tongue. Absolutely nothing. What's the last two? What's next on the list?

Zit. Zit. The first item. I said 50p. You said 65. 70p. 70p. So, a petwing for me and a petwing for you. Oh,. The first item. I said 50p. You said 65. 70p. So a petwing for me and a petwing for you. I was closer there.

Yeah, all right. You only just get a petwing there, you cunt. And the final item was the Carebirds FlexiDisc. You said? I said 150. You said 130. 210. Oh, dear.

So at the end of that game, Eli has one petwing and I have two. What? For what? The first item's it And the Sonic the Hedgehog stickers So I'm going to give you Your per twing now

Graciously And in good fairness As a good sportsman Eli here's your per twing Per twing Now I would like two Per twings from you With actual enthusiasm

Per twing, per twing No You don't Don't No, per twing, per twing If I did this to you I've said it I've given you four Alright, per twing, per twing You know what two petwings from you with actual enthusiasm petwing petwing no you don't don't no petwing petwing if I did this to you I've said it I've given you four

alright petwing petwing you know what you can't have the Eli card I'll do it I'll do it I promise I'll do it you can't have anything

else from this that you wanted I promise I'll do it and you won't get the Ghostbusters 2 copies are you ready for the best petwings you ever had and that's all that we

had time for on this episode of The Price is Shite so thank you for joining us. I'll between you. No, there's no between for that all the time. Please let me go round the world. No, I am not going to give you

a round the world between. No, I'll give you a round the world. I don't want a round the world between. Fart kissing? This segment is over. Do you like fart kissing? I am not doing fart kissing on your empty eggs. I will fart a between for you.

How about that? Novelty between. No, that doesn't work. This section's over and that was the fucking price of shite and it was indeed thank you for joining us

for another episode of Cheap Show if you would like to support us on Patreon you can patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show

and whatever you give is highly and beautifully appreciated if you have an antidote for um rotten uh chewing gum please eli if you are being slowly poisoned by it and this going out on friday you will probably be dead by then so they're not going to be able to do much well that's very very very very dour so so yes for those who do support us on Patreon thank you

very much if you'd like to it is patreon.com forward slash cheap show give as much as you can but only if you can and

if you can you'll get access to events magazines and extra podcasts and videos and behind the scenes bits and bobs and blog posts and

other things special videos and special videos wink wink winky wink on that special and access to like live shows and shit early when we get those sorted as well.

Happy videos. Yes. So, thank you very much. Secondly, you're envisioning one last time. It is on next Friday. Well, next Friday, 21st of May at 8pm. Twitch.tv forward slash cheap show, etc. And it's going to be a big night.

Big song contest on the pod pool. Come and join us. And if you don't get to join us, the episode podcast version will go out the following Friday. It's a one-stop shop for everything else. Thecheapshow.co.uk if you want to see images that go along with this episode. Also links to events, physical magazines, The Cheap Show magazine shop.

There's also Tony's Art and Merch. There's our own merch site as well. And there's loads of links and videos in there. So go in. It's a one-stop shop. We're on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram. Look for Cheap Show or Cheap Show Pod. And finally on Twitter.

It is at the Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon's show and Eli is. Eli Snoddy. L-I-S-N-O-D is the spelling. And you can email us anything you want if you email thecheapshow at gmail.com. But keep it nice. Physical, physical. Oh, I want to get physical.

Let's get into physical. Let me hear your body talk. Your body talk. Let me hear your body talk. Yes, Paul. Your body talk. Now, there's someone here who wants to talk to you. Oh, yeah.

Cool. We've got time. We got through that in two minutes. Is he going to listen? Oh, God. Don McNubbin to you. Oh, yeah. Cool. We've got time. We got through that in two minutes. Is he going to listen? Oh, God. Don McNubbin. Paul, we met before. Hi.

You shouldn't really exist in this universe. Are you still doing the jam thing? Because I've got so many ideas. Okay. I've got the greatest ideas. I've got the biggest ideas. You've got ideas. You would never leave the ideas.

Don. I've got a gherkin full of ideas. Don. Do you like gherkins? Don. Do you like pickles? Do you like jam? Don. Preserves. ideas. You like gherkins? You like pickles? You like jam? Preserves.

I like the preserves. Don. Yeah, Don. I would like to do the Action Jam News. However. Action Jam News is the hottest jam news there's ever been. Oh, you've got the jam. You've got the preserves.

You've got the margarine. You've got the butter. Look. You've got the margarine you've got the butter look got the hot hot we've had to cancel the segment in my heart what because our lawyers got in touch i was doing a documentary on robinson's jam to expose it i just to expose it but big jam closed it down i was going to expose it so i can't do my expose of that character well i've got something i can't do my expose of that character and that jam. I can't do what I was going to do. I don't care what you said anyway. You've been, you know what, so-called Mr. Paul? You've been rude to me.

You've been rude to a businessman for the last time. You've been rude to McNoob. And I'm going to give a hot bit of jam news straight to Eli. Eli? Yeah, hi, Don. Yeah, I've got it here. Thank you, Don. We can't call it

Action Jam News then. Welcome to Action Jam News. We can't call it Action Jam News because of the legal problems I've got. Don said it's fine. It's fine.

Don doesn't know fucking nothing. You shut your fucking dirty mouth. Don, what's your problem? I'm trying to get... I'm on your side. You shut your mouth, Paul.

I gave you an opportunity. You did not take the opportunity when Don McNubbin has been crossed. That's the end as mon don mcnubbin has been crossed that's the end as far as don mcnubbin's concerned eli continue thank you don cheers now i'm being bullied out of my own podcast by eli psychosis paul now honey that's like jam right and i don't know if you've noticed it's i'm better now but i had terrible hay fever this year and you know what's coming

out of me? From all these different places, people say, what you need to do is get local honey. And I found some. This honey is made in Hampstead Heath. That's how local. It's within a few miles of here. That's how local.

And that was the Jam Action News. Thank you for listening to Cheap Show, everybody. You're not going to taste it or try it? Oh, yeah. Do you want to try? No. I hate honey. It's not going to be

an action jam oh yeah that's right we had some honey last year we'd have to call this segment like I don't know last week

the honey trap the section where we talk about honey if you eat local honey it trains you because it has particles that are in the pollen

you know like they say that people I'm sure that's bullshit in a similar way that people you can survive a cyanide attack if you eat the

cause of apples your whole life because the small tiny doses of cyanide I did that when I was a kid. I'd eat the whole apple. I did as well. It was lovely, innit?

That little almond detail. So what? We're immune to cyanide. Probably not. We've probably got a higher immune than some who hadn't. Anyway, I'm going to taste this honey. It's just funny because... Oh, it smells fantastic.

Honestly, smell that. All right, I'll smell it. Smell the lid. I think there'll be enough in there. Smells of honey, I don't care. You cunt. You ruined shit for me. I did a whole thing with Don.

I hate Don. I hate Inchman. I can hear you. I hate you. I hate this. I hate me. I'm tasting the honey. I hate Therefore I Am.

He's put it on the back of his pen. Yeah. Ooh, that is delicious. You know what? It's funny that you bring up the arsenic thing about testing it, because I put tons of it in that jam. Well, you've poisoned me to death, have you? Funny.

Oh, that's a funny turn this has taken. This is the funny turn. That's action jam news. No, you've ruined it. You don't do any... You know what? Here's the rule from now on. Shut your fucking mouth.

What the fuck? You shut up. Because I can't take this. No, we're not ending like this. We're not ending in bad favour. Come on. We're not ending on bad blood. What do we have to do then? Kiss me. No, I can't. I won't. It're not ending in bad favour. Come on. We're not ending on bad blood. What do we have to do then?

Kiss me. No, I can't. It's not hugging isn't illegal yet. Kiss me on my Tropicana badge. All right. I will kiss the badge. Kiss the badge. Kiss me on my cartoon helmet.

Is that it? Yeah. I don't know how this show went. You can see pictures. That's fine. I don't know how this show went. I've been trying to be professional, Paul. You just say, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blah, blah blah blah goodbye well that is the show in a nutshell yes alright goodbye up the bum spunk it out your mama's bum goodbye

no you've said enough hey nonny nonny Oh, Mark, thank you. Mark, thank you. Just a quick thing for the badgers. We got a wimpy... Oh, I'll show you them now. Get them out quick. Oh, there's a wimpy one.

Oh! Is that the mayor? Oh, look at that! Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm having a moment. What is it? It's a little rubber that's shaped like a... It's a lenticular mounted on a rubber.

Yeah. It's actually one of these. I've been looking for one of these for so long. Oh, I love it. And there's a Ghostbusters 2 magnet with Slimer in the Marshmallow Man. I don't know. It's just a... It's one of those games like a platform.

It's meant to be sort of like a Donkey Kong thing. Yeah, it's like a Donkey Kong thing. So there's your little rubber, and you've got a Wimpy badge. I'm into this. And here's another little badge for you. It's a Zippy DJing. Zippy DJing. I mean, that's got to go, because I sound like Zippy.

I don't know. And then I've got this little one that says, Black Like My Soul, and it has a ghost coming out of a coffee mug. Which is up your street, isn't it? I love this. and then I've got this little one that says black like my soul and it has a ghost coming out of a coffee mug which is up your street isn't it I love this

so Mark sorry you forgot to mention it but thank you fantastic fantastic item send Bob badges everyone we love them thank you

bye bye oh I love you Eli you're my bestest friend unfortunately