CheapShow - Ep 233: The Black Bin Bag Edition

Episode Date: June 4, 2021

Are you brave enough for our newest CheapShow format? This week, Gannon presents a new idea to Eli and it's a rollercoaster of a premise. It's our new "Black Bin Bag" episode, where Paul stuffs all the PO Box overflow, odd charity shop trinkets and long forgotten snacks in to a black bin bag and Eli has to randomly pull out an item for review. Will it be edible? Something to listen to? Perhaps it will be something to play with? We just don't know until it's pulled out the bag! So sit back and let the cheap chaps take you on a magical mystery tour of what lurks at the bottom of a bin bag. Be afraid. Be very afraid. See pics and vids for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-233-black-bin-bag-edition And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Also, you can NOW see Eli star in "Ashens & The Polybius Heist", download it from here: https://www.watchpolybiusheist.com MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

So you're still going to take him to court? Yeah. I'm thinking it's the only real course of action after what he did, frankly. I was in hospital for like four days. I know, I know. I would have come, but... I know, but you were busy doing nothing in your bedroom, getting stoned and having a wank.

Listen, man's got to have priorities in his life. So what, a wank is a higher priority than your mate? I didn't say wank. I didn't say wank. It's implied. You said wank, Paul. Heav's implied. You said wank, Paul. Heavily implied. You said wank, Paul, to me.

Heavily implied. Now, yeah, so what? So, no, but seriously. Yeah, I'm going to take him to court. I'm going to take digitiser from him. I'm going to take Venus from him. I'm going to take this whole channel away from him. He's going to hold on to Venus, though.

He's not, though. He tried to hold on to Venus. It's on footage. There's footage. Video footage of him being neglectful. I tried to revive you. I did try and revive you. What?

I don't remember what happened. I've dragged you. Who won? It was Nostalgia's Gonna Get You. Oh, great. I don't remember anything. I remember waking up

in the garden outside the studio with my pants down. No, they were. I was just trying to get some air to... To my balls and bumhole. Well, you should have seen how hot you got. You passed out when you were doing the last puppet show. And I just thought, the more air that gets to this...

To my bumhole and groin. No, not specifically that. To my bumhole and groin. I'd also taken your shirt off and exposed your lovely nips to the midnight air. And there was weird kiss marks all over my chest. Well, Ash didn't... At least he didn't chop your shirt off and exposed your lovely nips to the midnight air. And there was weird kiss marks all over my chest. Well, Ash didn't, at least he didn't chuck your arm off. No, Ash didn't do much, to be fair, except be, you know, deeply unprofessional. But other than that, no, I've got no truck with Ash.

But Biffo, he's going to pay for what he did. I'm sorry to correct you, but when you say I've got no truck with someone, it means I don't hold with what they say. So you meant the, I've got no beef with Ash is what you meant to say. I have no beefy truck with Ash. I have no... Oh, here comes the beef truck. Murderer.

Honk, honk. So, um... Beefy dregs. Beefy dregs. Beefy dregs is back. I've got my meat truck. Right. What have you got in your meat truck?

Very bossy beef. Bossy beef. Boss? Very bossy beef. Bossy beef? Bossy, bossy beef. And when I met you before, you had a predilection for hot sauce straight in the mouth hole. Straight in the mouth hole. You like that? Straight in.

I fucking love it. And that's that character, then. He's one of the new wave of characters, isn't he? He's the post... It's the new romantic stage of characters. Post Die Hard, basically, when everything got blown up.

If everyone remembers, that's when all of the characters from the previous episodes of the show perished. Ish. And now we've got a new pantheon. Perished.

Including Marjorie Craddock, David Hasselhoff. And now Beefy Dregs. Not Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff, sorry. And Beefy Dregs. And Beefy Dregs, which I also want to say this. Oh, and also, sorry, Jimmy Wordcounter Boy Jim. Not Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff, sorry. And Beefy Dregs. And Beefy Dregs, which I also want to say this.

Oh, and also, sorry. Yeah. Jimmy Word Counter Boy Jim. Or whatever he's called. On the fence about whether that's an actual character at all. They're all going to get destroyed anyway when the old universe comes back.

That universe is lost. It's gone. So we need to move on. All right. Fine. So, do you want to ask us what we're doing this week? That's what I was going to do.

I was going to naturally fall on the beat and you fucked me up again. I didn't fuck you up. It's like when you said truck earlier when you meant beef. A beefy truck.

Get on board, bad beefy truck. Paul, what have we got coming up on the show today? Well, Eli, we're going to do

a brand new format for the show and it's called Gannon's Dirty Bin Bag. I can see he's holding an actual bin bag. It's a bin bag full of secrets and tricks. It certainly has a nice scruffly noise. Scrubbage and scruffle as he massages the scruffly folds of the bin bag.

And what we're going to do is we're going to randomly rummage through this bag of bric-a-brac and whatever gets pulled out, we're going to evaluate, debate, review, and that's it, really. Paul, I've got one question. There's no fourth thing. One question. Yes. Whatever gets pulled out? Yes.

Including? No, because I don't have a severed penis in the bag. Well, you could do a little trick, like, you know, the popcorn trick, where you instead do the the bin bag trick when i'm rummaging and you're sort of behind it and you're like give me 60 seconds i just cut a hole in this bag i'm giving you ideas now welcome to cheap show i hate you and your fucking noodle posse People love noodles It's just a fact of Cheap Show

You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap Show Cheap Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle.

Welcome to Cheap Show, everybody. It's the economy comedy podcast where I and Eli go for the bargain bins and charity shops and pound lands of this fair isle of ours and sometimes in lands abroad for the best of the worst. The treasure amongst the trash. And where have we ever done it abroad? You went abroad. Well, I went to America and bought some stuff and you did

and we get PO boxed stuff from all over the world. We do get ever done it abroad? You went abroad. Well, I went to America and bought some stuff and you did and we get PO boxed stuff from all over the world. We do get... So that counts. Yes. We don't actually

go there but they come to us. Hannibal brings the mountain. Right. Yes. What does he do? He brings the

water in a stolen modded out truck or something. Oh. And he drives it through and then B.A. Baracus goes,

damn that truck's full of water. Someone's treading on thin water. Oh, this hasn't gotten off to a good start, has it? So we have sent tons of stuff in the P.O. box and some of it's too much to get through. So what I thought is rather than waste everything, we could put it all into a bin bag

and then you can just randomly call out a number which I've written down and the number corresponds to the name of the bin bag, and then you can just randomly call out a number, which I've written down. The number corresponds to the name of the bin bag. 4,002. Between a certain amount of numbers. 4,003? Yes. Sorry, I'm sweaty.

I've really got a hot sweat on. We are recording on a hot day. Do you know what I could murder? Fucking beer. Give us a fucking coldie now. Oi, mate, give us a coldie! If we get through this quick, you can have a beer. Oi now Alright mate Give us a coldie If we get through this quick You can have a beer

Alright mate Give us a coldie Give us a coldie In your bin bag And I'm moving on So I have I'm in a good mood

That's what it is I'm in a good mood Hang on Let me double check How many items There are in this bag Okay So the numbers

That I will call Right we have 18 items in this bin bag D20 What? A D20 18 items we items in this bin bag. D20. What? A D20. 18 items we have in this bin bag,

so you can call out... A D18. Oh, mate. First of all, you know how bad I am at saying rules. Okay. I'm here for you. I'm supporting you. You throwing in tangents ain't going to help. All right.

How about this, Paul? You don't try and explain the rules. I just guess them. You've got a bunch of numbers. I say one. You get in the bag. Give it to me the bag give it to me in a nutshell so there you go I call out a number between what and what one and 18 and you get the corresponding item out of the bag and show it to and also they're color-coded so I know who gave us this item I see so that's all stuff I don't have to know no I'm just saying so people know who sent it in I can say thank you to uh

for this one right for this one is that what you say when you're making love thank you no i'm not like fucking james brown in bed i was thinking more elvis do you look in the mirror like jason bateman and go this is one thing i don't want to see when I'm having sex, it's me looking back at me with a haunted, shocked look I'll have. What am I doing? That's because you're not

an American psycho. No, I am not. I don't like Huey Lewis in the news. Don't you? No, I do.

I like him. Yeah. You like bits of Phil Collins as well, don't you? Just his head and his knees. Shall we crack on?

Have you seen Phil Collins did updates of those classic albums he did where it was just his face, but it's him as he is now. You don't want to look at it, man. It looks like a Grateful Dead poster. It's really funny. He looks so bad. Anyway. Poor man. Oh yeah, poor man. Not very rich man. Yeah.

Rich, bald bastard. Fuck him. We're not Collins positive on this pod. So, do you have the rules in your mind? Yes. Number between 1 and 18 is called out by me. You retrieve it. And through your ingenious colour coding system,

you retrieve the name of the beautiful listener, cheapskate, may I be so bold to say, who has sent with their blood money. I've zoned out. Zoned out. I'm feeling very theatrical, Paul. Right, so I have a theme tune for it. Hey.

Right, ready? All right. Dirty, dirty, dirty bin bag. Dirty, dirty, dirty bin bag. Dirty, dirty, dirty bin bag. Oh, let's have a dirty room scrummage. Ah. Yeah.

Very good. Like that. We're going to do it in an hour. We're going to pull out as many items as we can in an hour. We might do all 18. We could do one.

We just don't know. Shall we start the clock? Yeah, start the clock. Let's rock and open up my dirty bin bag. One hour begins now. Right, you have between 1 and 18, so what number would you like first?

I'm going to go for a very obvious choice first here, Paul. I think it's one everyone wants me to go with first. And I'm feeling the pressure of humans from their history. This is in real time, so don't waste most of it. Well, you asked me what number I wanted. So, I mean, to be fair, I'm thinking of the number that I want to produce here. And I think I'm going to go for an obvious one. Oh, fuck me.

Can you guess which number I'm going to go for? 13. 7. Oh, 7. No. 7. Oh, fuck me. Can you guess which number I'm going to go for? 13. 7. Oh, 7. No. Oh, number 7. Interesting choice, I think. Well, it was a very obvious number.

Number 7. Here we go. Where is it? I know where they are. Oh, so you're having a good old scrummage around. A frantic rummage, I'd say. He's handed me.

Now, this comes from a sandwich bag, Ziploc bag, with some items inside. This one comes from Marta, who I believe is in Sweden, and she gave us a few of those things a few weeks ago for the picnic in Pooh's Wood. Oh, thank you, Marta. So this is more Marta stuff. Thank you.

Oh, that terrible salt licking. Oh, that was awful. Right, dive in. I think she's left little notes on these items as well. There's no discernible huff. No. I don't think these are food items. Oh, there's two.

Let's have a look. She's put a little bit of paper in it. Hang on. It says here, knock-off Lego figurines produced in China for a Polish company distributing extremely cheap toys. So I've got a little bag here. And what's in it?

Oh, yeah, it is like a fake Lego. Fairyland Baschationawa Cracker. Something like that. And that's... Are these like blind bags so I can get one of any of these, can I? Yeah. They're all very similar. I'm opening mine up.

Okay, I'll open mine. Oh, it's a little fireman who looks very fucking angry. Does he? Yeah, you could be angry about. Pay? Yeah, probably pay. Union laws, something like that. Perhaps he lost his mate in a fire,

so he's more than angry. Oh, yeah. He's bereaved. And he can never watch the film Backdraft again because he finds it too haunting. I've never seen Backdraft. It's all right. If you get that...

People say it's really good, don't they? It's all right, yeah. It's a nice thriller about an arsonist who's going around setting fires and there's a whole family intrigue because there are two brothers who are both firemen. I see, so there's a family drama sort of stroke. And like Robert De Niro pops up in it.

It's like a police procedural aspect to it. Yeah, it's like a thriller kind of thing. It's got good special effects. There's police in it, though. No, I think there's like Robert De Niro plays a forensic arson man and he comes in and gives a speech.

So who have I got? This guy with orange trousers. You've got... I've got a man with a droopy helmet because his visor... I thought he had a fireman. Yeah, but he's got a helmet.

He's a motorcyclist. He's got a red jacket on. I like his little helmet. He's all right. I've got 70s party uncle, it looks like. Very brown and orange. It looks like Sam from Life on Mars, the action figure. The cheap Lego knock-off action figure.

Do you know what I'm loving from Marta's... Little bag. ...bag are these bags with roller skates. Yeah. Two little Ziplocs with a skate on them. Yeah, it's nice though, isn't it? They're really good. I like those a lot.

Anything we pull out of the bag, we'll take pictures of and put them up on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Why do you talk over the information every fucking time? Sorry, just say it again. It's just because you don't listen. If you want to see...

Oh, you've fucking put me off. Sorry. Thecheapshow.co.uk. Sorry. I hate my guts. Oh, God. Come on. I hate my guts.

Come on, mate. You might get some money because I think all the evidence is there. Oh, mate, how much money do you think I'll get from Biffo? Seven? Eight pounds?

Something like that? You could get him for a lot, man. You can see what he's doing with those crisps. It's all there on tape. You know what I mean? No, I know. The negligence will be seen

and it's obvious. And I think, honestly, he did it out of spite. The whole fucking fake food. He was trying to make me eat them. Yeah, I don't know. But, you know, if you're going to go through with it. Well, I need a good lawyer for that anyway, so we'll look into it.

I've got a Luigi key ring. Figure ring, key ring. Oh, you do? I do. Oh, this is an extra then, I take it. Not just the blind bag thing we saw. No, I've got figures in here. Oh, there's a little bit of paper.

Read it. Read it. The paper. Read it. Okay. Me. I'll read the paper then. There's information there that you're ignoring.

I'm just having a good time with the stuff. Fuck me. Not me. No, I know. Bag of random items. Oh, the information. Fair point. From Marta.

That's no information. I could have told you that. It's zero information. Talk about wasting time. You wanker. Right. I stand corrected. I've got a little, another Luigi in different pants.

Different coloured pants. One's got white pants on. Sorry, trousers. Dungarees. Dungarees. It's because that's his regular mode, but this one is fire flower mode. Fire flower mode. Love it. That's it.

Love those two. Is that it? Oh, no, there's more. No, there's more in here. What's in there? There's all sorts. Oh, look at this little two. Is that it? Oh, no, there's more. No, there's more in here. What's in there? There's all sorts. Oh, look at this little fella. What is it?

This little Mexican wrestler style. Oh, I like him. Big ring, key ring. I like him. Oh, he's got a fiery cape. He's like, what are they called, those Mexican wrestlers? Oh, Mexican wrestlers? No, they've got a name.

I don't know. I might try and look the translation up of that. Now. Oh, yeah. got a name. I don't know. I might try and look the translation up of that. Now. Oh, yeah. It appears to be a Mexican-style wrestler, but it's Japanese or Chinese writing.

While you explain whatever that is into the mic, clearly. I don't have anything. I don't have anything for this. What is it? It looks like an inverted... It looks like a metal ice cream

with the letter H inside the metal ice cream bit. It looks like a drill ice cream with the letter H inside the metal ice cream bit. It looks like a drill bit, doesn't it? On the front of, I don't know, Dr. Robotnik's... We don't know what this is. It's random stuff. Very random and probably off a broken thing. Yeah, maybe. You have to put it on the table where it rolls and makes a fucking noise, you twat.

People get a visceral sense of how it sounds. They've got a better idea of it. Camera, I'm going to scan what this says now and see what it says. Optimising. Right, here we go. Female good bottom. It's sure that wasn't just your search result from last time. It says, what does that say on this translation?

Girls bottom force. What does that even mean? It's when, I don't, you have to ask, you know what I mean? You don't. That can't be right. That's got to be a mistranslation. It's girls bottom force. What does that even mean? It's when, I don't, if you have to ask, you know what I mean, you don't. That can't be right. That's got to be a mistranslation. It's girls bottom force. Right, it's scanning it now, right. And select all. The bottom of a girl's power. C

and then something that it can't translate, which I presume means it could be slang or it could be Who knows? Girls bottom force. Maybe you know what that is. If so, you should be in prison yeah it's nice that's my favourite item out of Marta's

selection little selection but there's a nice what's your favourite from her I do like the I do like the the Lego knockoff

70s disco dad okay I don't know why I find that amusing but I do this is actually quite a nice little figure this little wrestler

because he's got a little see-through cape like the translucent you see the translucent plastic cape is different from his body. Nice.

Yeah there's no clues as to what this is from this drill bit thing I don't know. This looks like a Sartre the Air Jog character thing. The mystery maybe

shall never be solved. Well you can see the photos everybody and you can tell us what that is. Yes and you can also go what that is. Yes. And you can also go on YouTube and watch the three-part Your Envision special that we put up,

and you'll see for yourself that Biffo did intentionally poison me for laughs. Right. Next. That was that one. Off the list. Well played. One down.

I'm going to go for another number now, Paul, and I'm just going to go straight for it. No dilly-dallying. It's not going to be an obvious number, but it is going to be, you know, a number that, Paul, and I'm just going to go straight for it. No dilly-dallying. It's not going to be an obvious number, but it is going to be a number that some people may have thought he'd probably go for that now. To those people, I salute you. Not a good gag at the start.

It's an even worse gag now. To those people who know the number I'm about to say, I salute you. Because you're special. Dirty, hairy biscuit. And that number is number nine. Number nine nine Number nine Number nine Where are you?

Eight, six, fifteen, thirteen Number nine Oh Oh Into the bag I go He's gone in He's having a little Little look around

Creasing packets of unknown stuff As he Here we go Scuffles and scuffles And he's pulled out a little packet. He shifts it over to me in a sly way with that little look in his eye that says, oh fun. I tap the watch on my

wrist. I tap the watch on my wrist. Oh, everyone's loving this. Now, for Eli only, there's a label on this thing you've sent me. It's very sachet like. At the top it says Cod Row. It's not a fancy place for clothes. Come on.

No, that joke would be better. It's not where fish go to buy high fashion. Say it again. Up here it says, Cod Row. Is that where fish go to buy their top clothes? Brilliant. For Eli only. Book you before your stand-up nights.

No, come on, mate. Come on. Oh, that airline food, eh? Oh, you've done five minutes. No one does that anymore. That's a cliche to say that's a cliche. Do you know how much of a cliche it is? Taxi drivers are racists, aren't they?

It's funny because it's true. Right. Are you ready? Yeah. For Eli only. Contains fish. Oh, well, there you go. go this is the cod part gave it away sauce for spaghetti noodles what does that what does that mean what does that mean i recommend

adding some salt thank you what does that mean packages open as i've already eaten one wonder if you will enjoy it so you just literally make pasta then sprinkle that on it's like a kind of powdered sauce for pasta. Oh, it's already been opened. Yeah, there's two sachets, I imagine, in it. Oh, there you go. He's opening it up and it's a little sachet. Yeah, it's got...

No, it looks like it's... Why has it got a chive as well? I don't know. You put the chives on top as well. Yeah. Look at how disgusting that paste looks sitting on the top of that spaghetti. Describe that.

It looks like someone's coughed up a massive part of their fucking uvula. Their uvula? Yeah, whatever that bit in the back of your throat is, it

dangles. Yeah, or like some kind of terrible discharge before you are back to hemorrhage. Like a big horrible heart.

Yeah, it doesn't look good. Anyway, we don't have the time for me to try this now, do we? I feel quite sick. No, we don't. But you can report on it for later, do we? I feel quite sick. No, we don't.

But you can report on it for later. I will definitely be trying that. Thank you, Marta. I like fishy spaghetti. Whistle will stop tall through my dirty bin bag. I love fishy spaghetti. And do you know what? What?

That would be a good name for your Teen Yeti track. What? Fishy spaghetti. What? What? Teen Yeti. What? Fishy spaghetti.

What? This is me saying something So I don't have to remember What it is you said Because again I've zoned out What do you mean you've zoned out? At a certain time Your noise becomes like

I was talking about A Teen Yeti tune Sweaty Spaghetti Stinky Fishy Spaghetti And Teen Yeti Is another universe So Don't do that voice is this your new not

that's your new uh chicken man good good good good chicken man no no no don't cross the line it's chicken man okay next number i'm gonna go up to the office in a second Okay. Next number. I'm going to go up to the office in a second. There's no office. Come on. I'm going up to the virtual office. Come on.

Pick a number. Oh, time for another number. And yet another dilemma befalls me. What number? Everyone's expecting me to do well on this choice. You've done nine and seven so far. Nine and seven. They were classics. They're numbers. They were classics. They're numbers.

They were classics, and everyone is thinking, where's he going to go from here? God. Where's he going to go? Could he, could he? I hope he fucks off, boys and girls. I'll leave if you want, Paul. I don't have to fucking get your dirty bag scrummages out.

Yeah, but you're loving it. And wipe it all around. You're loving it. And then go, oh, fizzy. Come on, pick a number. Oh, the scrimmage! Ten. Ten.

Let's find ten. Oh! And in he goes. Oh, he's scrimmaging somewhere that isn't the backpack. And he's found it. It's this. Oh, it's a little computer game handheld thing. I've got batteries for it in my pocket.

Dr. Dental. Now, I've heard this mentioned before. Yeah. I think I may have played this back in the day. I think I want to get his name right. It's Kyle. I didn't write this one down because it was a last minute change for various boring reasons that I couldn't get certain things in my bag so I thought, fuck it. So I didn't

bother. But this came from someone in the PO box and I'll make sure to write it on the website. What do you have to do? It's a bit like Space Invaders in that there are germs attacking the teeth and you've got to move left and right and spray the germs before the teeth go black and fall out. I'm sure I have played it. So this is by, um, I can't see this type. Let me see. The type on the back is very faded but it's called Dr Dental and there's little LCD screen, and there's a man with a mouth wide, and you play a little goblin that hides on his bottom lip and goes left to right.

But the goblin's helping him to have good dental health. I guess. It's a mouth goblin. It's a mouth goblin that protects the teeth. I like goblin in a mouth. Oh, do you? You know what I mean about knob jokes and sucking dicks? That whole thing, moving on. No, I'll do it for you again. Yeah.

Let's just workshop it just slightly. Shall we workshop our bad jokes? It's a mouth goblin. Yeah. Oh, gob! I've gobbled off in your gobbo! Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right.

That was the better fucking avenue to take. Oh, splattered! Teethy splat! Teethy splatch? It makes more sense, man, than your weak-ass gobbler. Gobbler gobbles off my gobble. I am gobbler. That was a real goblin woman.

I am a gobbler. And I gobble. I'm bereft of anything original. It's very hot in here. It's a bit like being in Edinburgh and doing an hour of comedy, isn't it? Yeah. And there's no one here. It's just as unre being in Edinburgh and doing an hour of comedy, isn't it? Yeah. And there's no one here.

It's just as unrewarding and sad. Now, am I playing this? How do I start? I press the start button, I imagine. Is it the red button? It says time game. I don't know what the difference is. Oh, I have.

Oh, it should make a tune. Maybe I've turned the sound off. Sound is on now. Oh, okay. Try it. Crying? He's crying. Yeah, okay. Try it. Crying? He's crying. Yeah, because it hurts his teeth.

Where am I? You're on the bottom. You're some weird little tiny thing. Give it here a minute. Let's have a look. Jesus wept. So, hang on. Fire, left and right, sound, timer.

Sound is on. It's not making a sound. Hang on. Fucking hell. Those batteries are shit, aren't they? No, I just think... There's something happening on the picture, but... Oh, I've set the clock now. Yeah, don't set

the clock. Oh, there you go. Is it working? I can hear it now. No, it's not. Yeah. It's not working. Well, I mean, it's working, but I can't get this game going. Right, timer, game. Oh, yeah, mate, it is. It's very quiet. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep late vv vv vvvvvvvvv One of his teeth has come out. One of his teeth has come out? Yeah. Oh, what do I do? I don't know. You've got to go left and right and save the teeth

from the mouth goblin. I can't see it properly, Paul. Well, that's the problem with LCD games is that you need a very specific light source. Oh, my teeth are all getting hurt. He's hurting.

Yes. What? He's crying. He's crying. Why is he crying? I can't make this child stop crying. This is terrible.

I don't know if the game mechanics are all that. Honestly, I think it's a bit... It's a great thing, obviously. I don't know if the game mechanics are all that. Honestly, I think it's a bit... It's a great thing, obviously. I like it. I love the aesthetic of the moulding. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

It's that sort of futurist... It's a bit pale and stuff. Sort of modernist. It looks like the design on the Atari stuff. Yeah. Because I think this is like 8081, something like that, made in Japan. Let me just see if I can...

Oh, God. Time's a-wasting, darling. Where does it say? On the bottom in very faded writing along the bottom of the screen. But all the writing's really faded. Hang on, I'll look on the internet. Hang on. Dr. Dental LCD game.

See what comes up on the internet. Dr. Dental... Bandai. Bandai made it. Okay. And they made it. Okay. And they made some other massive games, didn't they? Bandai made lots of... Pac-Man, didn't they?

No, Bandai was just like a toy company. They did tons of bloody stuff. Yes, they did the GoBots, didn't they? I think so, yes. Oh, no, we've been here before and everyone attacked you. What, for GoBot hate? You said in the Winnie the Pooh video about... No, I said Autobots.

Well, they got the all the macars oh bandai did transformers not all the macars so then i describe a load of decepticons who aren't autobots and none of them are cars right so i was like apples and pears it wasn't a good and fair association and i stand by my mistake and i can only apologize mistake i stand by it and i own it and i I say I all learned to be better. Good, good, good. Right. Good. I didn't mean to bring that up.

Next. A lot of people bored with me playing this game of numbers now. And they're thinking, I wish I would just say the numbers. So we can get to the next item. To those people, Paul. Yeah. I salute you. Right.

I salute you. And I'm going to go 17. 17. Where are we? Number 17. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, 17 oh it's it's not vinyl selection oh and it is the wumbles but it's not the wumbles get that single that we listen to in prep so yeah so chai sends us a few bits and bobs and a few of them with vinyl so we have one that's called what was

it just wumbles well it's an ep with several songs yes it's called wumbles and other children's favorites yes and basically side a is the womble song from the tv show the wumbles and then the song that was released by mike batt called remember you're a the wombling song Wombling Song. Thank you. Womble on. Womble on. It's a TV show. And then remember, he wrote that as well. The Wombles of Wimbledon, coming are we. Yeah, the Wombling song was a TV show, and then Remember You're a Womble. He wrote that as well. Yeah. He wrote it all. Yeah, I know.

Did he write the original thing from the... Yeah, he did. I believe he did anyway. Remember you're a Womble, underground, overground, Wombling free. And as we said when we listened to it before, very Beatles-y that I didn't really take in the first time. It's got that kind of yellow submarine stroke, Eleanor Rigsby stroke.

Absolutely. Yeah, it does. Very, very ripping off the Beatles, wasn't it? Ripping off or just Mike Batt just kind of just absorbing everything around that was popular and going, bleh, bleh, and spoffing it all out. Rogan's flatmate there, I think, disagreeing with the Mike Batt analysis.

What did he say? I don't know. I think it was fucking cunt that he's mouthed. What did he say? Mike Batt wrote the crap ones, not the theme tune. Oh, there you go. He didn't write the theme tune.

Yeah. No, it says the Wombling Song and Bat. So I think you're wrong there. Look at that record. I don't think that's the... I don't know. That's not the theme tune. We're not here to judge Mike Bats today.

Who wrote the Wombles TV theme tune? Right, now the internet will tell us. Too sweet. Oh, yeah, Mike Bat. Okay, he composed it. Sorry about my flat, mate. He came in and was wrong about it. I was wrong.

You were wrong. I'm sorry. You were wrong. I'm sorry. Oh, he says that he composed the tune and then wrote the lyrics on a train on the way to a meeting for another show. Right. Yeah, and he probably went on about that, didn't he? And then voted Tory for years.

Bastard. Anyway. Anyhow, this is a very cheap knock-off cash-in record for the Wombles because these aren't written, I mean, they're written by Mike Batt, but they're not performed by, the musicians aren't listed. Does it say who it's performed by? No, it doesn't say.

It doesn't say, like, anywhere. But what's the production company, the label? Happy Time. Happy Time. Talk about more generic. Happy Time Records. It's pure knock-off. More generic, yeah.

Happy time records. It's pure knock-off. The other thing, the real clue why this is such a huge, sort of cheap knock-off, is they haven't obviously got the right to picture the Wombles. No. So there's no Womble on the cover on either side. You've got two generic children with their back to you and their little dog on the back.

And then they've got a cap, which is that's one of the Wombles wore that, didn't they? Yeah. I want to say Tobermory. Yes. They've got Tobermory's that's one of the Wombles wore that. Yeah. I want to say Tobermory. But that's only because they've got Tobermory's cap. They thought they could get away with that in a sort of school room. To kind of trick you into thinking you're buying the religious thing. And weirdly, it's on the rubbish bin.

Why is it there? Well, the Wombles collect rubbish, don't they? They do. And they recycle it. They were early recyclers. Anyway, the music is weak. Weak, weak, weak. And you're like, oh, and other children's favourites.

What are the other two children's favourites, Paul? I've been working on the railroad, which I'm pretty sure that's closely associated with black slavery, John the American, you know. Yeah. Not something that, I don't know, kids would skip around singing. Do you ever remember singing, I've been working on the railroad when you were five in school?

No, it wasn't in my... I think it was before my day. Yeah. Yeah. And Skip to the Lou. Yeah. Skip to my Lou. But the thing is...

Is it Skip to my Lou or the Lou? It says Skip to my Lou. Thank you. Yeah. Not the Lou. Skip to the Lou if you're going to take a shit, Paul. Well, unless, you know...

Skip to the Lou? Well, no. I just smell what you've been putting out there. Yeah. Better skip to the Lou. But you could say if you own the house and you wanted to shit, I'm just going to skip to the loo well no I just smell what you've been putting out there better skip to the loo but you could say if you own the house and you wanted to

I'm just going to skip to my loo yes and drop my fizzy guts I want to be delicate I'm just going to skip to the loo

to have a really grisly fucking anal fissure of a fart where it all comes out and fucking spits and spats like pebble dashery

fucking wrecking wrecking the cleanliness and stench of this room for a while. Give it five minutes after I've been. Give it five minutes.

No, terrible record. It was just weak production. But thanks for sending it in. Very bad. Yeah. It's not a platter or a splatter, is it? No, it's very bad.

Very poor. Right, next number. Eleven? Eleven. Let's have a look at eleven. Er-le-le-le-le-le. Oh, it number. 11? 11. Let's have a look at 11. Er-le-le-le-le-le. Oh, it's another track. Oh.

It's another piece of music. And this one is Grain Chill. I'm going to go and get my hair done. Oi, oi, oi, oi, what a smash head he is What a smash head he is What a smash, smash, smash, smash, smash head he is I'm talking to you, Gardner, not you, Grease You're not paying attention, you're going to detention Yes, sir, no, sir, Let go of me hair, sir. You know the teacher. You know the teacher.

Oi, oi, oi, oi. What a smash head he is. What a smash head he is. What a smash, smash, smash, smash, smash head he is. I guess I've played it. I don't know if I've edited it in yet. No, but it's Grain Chill what? It's called Smash Head. Just read it. It's got it here, Paul. You've got it. I don't know if I've edited it in yet. No, but Grange Hill what? It's called Smash Head.

Just read it. You've got it. This is sent by Chai again. This is You Know The Teacher, Smash Head by the Grange Hill cast and specifically the naughty boys of the cast of around 1986. So you've got Ziggy, Hollow,

Fred and Banksy. Banksy. Not the Banksy. Banksy. Not the Banksy. No. To the best of my knowledge, I don't believe Banksy, the fictional Grange Hill character, is Banksy the fictional human being who paints.

Is it spelt the same? S-I-E? Yeah, no, Banksy's a boy. Why? That could throw you off though. It could. If you didn't want to... Maybe we found a clue to his real identity.

So we're saying that Banksy is a Grange Hill cast member. It could be. He's about the right age. It's true. Isn't it? And was Banksy a naughty one who liked to paint? Maybe he did. We need to look into this.

This could be the new Winky, Paul. If it is. Like most sequels. It's not fucking as good, is it? It's not as good. Right, so this. I didn't know this, but this is a single called You Know The Teacher that you've just heard. But it came from an album released in 86, which had the Just Say No song on it.

You know, the whole famous Ziggy taking drugs, doing drugs. Zamo. Zamo. Ziggy, Zamo, Bimmy, Bamo. All the nicknames back on Grains Hill, they were all, come on, Dave. Bofo and Roley. Yeah, but Fat Tits. Yeah, Rolo.

No one was called Fat. No one was called Fat tits. Piss licker. Oi, there's Mr. Piss Licker. Murderer. Here comes the piss licker. Slurperer. I'm the Flap Stepper.

So the whole album came out. And there's not much online about it other than the fact that it exists and it was reissued in 2007 with Chicken Man, which is the Grange Hill song that we all remember. Alan Horshaw. Yeah. Chicken Man.

Are you Chicken Man? This is really quite meditative when you just get lost in the... Chicken Man, Chicken Man, I need... I'm just going to get someone downstairs from the office to see if we can deal with you because you need to be cleaned up and sort of put petted away or whatever okay here he comes oh hello hello look at jimmy word can't above it i'm not trying to count some words chicken man's gone you've done the job you can go five. Oh, piss off. Oh, three. Definitely three. Not your best character. Four.

Should I go? Yeah. All right, I'll go upstairs to the management office where I live, you know. Twelve. No, you don't count me. You don't. Listen, Eli.

Four. Don't you start counting mine. Five. Billy. Yeah. Two. Oh, he's counting my words. Four.

One. One. One. One. One. And that's the natural extension Oh, he's counting my words. Four. One. One. One. Poop. One. And that's the natural extension of that character's remit of humour. About 16.

I'm going. Right. So. There he goes. He's scuttling off. He's cool, isn't he? He's dealt with Chicken Man. Chicken Man didn't fucking make a peep after that.

Chicken Man's allergic to numbers. That's the only way he can get rid of Chicken Man. He's allergic to numbers. All numbers. All right. We'll have number 15, please. Oh, we're not moving on yet. We're moving on.

Talking to bloke, grain chill. It's not a terribly made record. No. The A-side. A-side, fun, a bit daft. It's a bit, in terms of genre, it's sort of a bit electro-boogie. I don't know. I couldn't tell you.

It's a bit sort of boogie, sort of dancey. But I like the fact our favourite bit is you know the teacher you know the teacher Oi oi oi oi oi What are they trying to say? You know the teacher

What they're saying is you can relate Oh You know the teacher Oh they're having a hard day at the cold face of the school You know the teacher You know the teacher

Yeah And then the oi oi oi oi oi bit which I don't know I quite like that Yeah And it's that song by It's not terrible Ziggy I like their mate We'll see you in the house Yeah And then the oi, oi, oi, oi, oi bit, which I don't know. I quite like that. Yeah. And it's that song by... It's not terrible.

Ziggy, right there, mate. We'll see you in the house. Yeah. Because originally Grange Hill was meant to be set in the north. And then it became a thing. Because Phil Redmond, is that his name? Yeah. Who created it, created Brookside.

So he was kind of like all about the northwest. But then I wondered why they decided to go south with it. Production reasons. Yeah, something as simple as that probably. Just like it was cheaper just like, I forgot how the cockney

is just fucking set here. Perhaps they had sort of, they could get the kids easier. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, not like that. No,

I know it's not like that. And so B-side on this is Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac. Is it Fleetwood Mac? Because I was, don't stop. Yes,

that is Fleetwood Mac off of their most celebrated album, Rumours. Rumours. Rumours. And the version of this is a remarkable drop in quality.

It's a terrible record. Here's a little clip of it. If you wake up and don't want to smile If it takes just a little while

Open your eyes and look at the day You'll see things in a different way Don't stop thinking about tomorrow Don't stop, it'll soon be here It'll be better than before Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone Why not think about the times to come And not about the things that you've done

If your life is bad to you Just think what tomorrow will do Don't stop thinking about tomorrow Don't stop, it'll soon be here The production's awful. It sounds like it's all been filmed in one studio, in one go. The vocal performance is not like... They're trying to sing properly, aren't they?

The girls try. The guys do not bother. No, but you know, they didn't get into this to be teachers. Yeah, but didn't all these fucking kids go to stage school? Yeah, but you don't... Not everyone's a singer, Paul. At least try. At least...

With the lack of effort. It was like, don't stop. Think about tomorrow. Don't stop. I hate you, but no. Paul.

Yeah. So is that, it's not, I'm sorry, Chide, but it's not a, not a, not a hit with us either,

really. It kind of floats in the middle of a, also ran. And the other thing is smash head. Are you, you insist that it wasn't a real insult? either, really. No, it kind of floats in the middle of a also ran. And the other thing is smash head. You insist that it wasn't a real insult. No, I mean, maybe on the show, because as I say, they couldn't swear,

so they probably came up with words like smash head to just, you know, rove the dickhead. But I don't remember. That's probably what it is, isn't it? No one said smash head growing up. Smash head? Yeah. And if you did, you were the only person in your school to say it.

Maybe it's, no, but maybe it's... What? It's like a... Do you think, you were the only person in your school to say it. And you were unpopular. Maybe it's... What? It's like a... Do you think this is where the inspiration for Smash Mouth got their name? Is smash head a slang word for anything? Google? He says into his phone with ambivalence. Show Cleopatra on Wikipedia.

Why don't they just type the word smash head in? Smash head. There's an urban dictionary term. Yeah, what is it? Smash head, which I think is alluding to Smash Brothers, thehead. There's an urban dictionary term. Yeah, that's what... Yeah, what is it? Smashhead, which I think is alluding to Smash Brothers, the game. Oh. Like, you're a smash head. Another item I failed to mention that Marta sent in the roller skate bags...

Oh, right, we missed one. ...is this little notepad from Divided. Right. That's a clothing shop, isn't it? But they're little sort of fill-in forms, and it says at the top, I've been checking you out Then you are And you can either go

Hot Sexy Cute Stylish Cool Or funny So what, you give it to someone? Yeah

And then they don't report you to the police For leaving a really creepy note I just wanted to say, blank I've been watching you for seven days Seven days Here's a bunch of pictures of you your most vulnerable moments alone here is a bag with my dried cum all flaky in it please put your knickers in and return it back to me yeah could you just put some fabric from your knickers in

oh okay urban dictionary top definition smash head in a transient state of mind when drugs have been used in excess or when you've been drinking for days on end your pupils are huge lennox said look at yourself you smash head right responded des okay so they weren't you were they using it like that no i don't think they were i think it was just an replacement it was the zammo this was the same era the same album as just say no just say no might be the smash hit. Oh, that's true. But, you know, that could be the connection. I don't know.

It's weird. That word is a weird anomaly in that song. It does sound like just a replacement for wanker or dickhead or something. So you are hot. I just wanted to say I have a fan. Let's hang out. Oh, he's still doing the card. Call me.

Stalk me. It doesn't say stalk. It says stalk me. Yeah, it says stalk me. That's weird. Oh't say stalk It says stalk me Yeah it says stalk me That's weird Oh but they're saying stalk me You can stalk me Check out my Facebook profile Yeah but it's a bit stalky

To send Give this You know what That's the interesting thing When people use the word stalk Offhandedly to say Check me up on Facebook You know what I mean

It's like Oh I see you've been Doing some online stalking And it's like When you put it like that Now I feel bad And yes it kind of is but those bad words they're meaning migrates doesn't it and becomes less um over time true but and vice versa yeah that's exactly what i'm talking about and i think that's what's happening with stalking that maybe context

it it's just taking the edge off it to make it more friendly and cheeky and yet it's a horrible invasion of your privacy but thanks for for those. Right, next number then, because I don't want to talk about Grains Hill no more. I will say 13. 13. Oh. Unlucky for some. What's it going to be for us, Paul? A sandwich I'm hoping for. He's having a proper

rustle about. Clinking and clanking, scrubbing up and down. It's a mystery pot of some sort. I don't know what it is. Oh. What is it? I honestly don't know. I'm sorry.

I asked for food now. This is some kind of unspeakable pate or something. Unspeakable pate. Is it unspeakable meat? It's been bashed about a bit. Oh, dear. Oh, what is it? There's a little label on it.

So it's Martyr again. Thank you, Martyr. Martyr again. Let's read the label here. Shelf, stable, ham. Thank you, Martyr. Let's read the label here. Shelf Stable Ham. Shelf Stable. Oh, so spam kind of thing. Shelf Stable. It means it's... Oh, Shelf Stable.

Yeah. Like Long Life Milk. Shelf Stable. Yeah. Well, I'm glad it's not Shelf Violent. Fucking hell. Picking on all the... What? No, I know what you're getting at, but... Oh, come on. It was Violent Shelf Ham. What does that mean? picking on all the what no I know what you're getting at but oh come on it was violent shelf ham

what does that mean it fucking picks on all the other jars come on you fucking sweet corn jolly green giant I'll take you down a peg or two

you know the teacher you know the teacher oi oi oi so it's just ham ham in a can I'm going to have to taste this aren't I

luckily I've got a long spoon so I don't have to get near it but I still have to put it in can. I'm going to have to taste this, aren't I? Luckily, I've got a long spoon, so I don't have to get near it, but I still have to put it in my mouth. You're going to have to give the hot for a call. You're not going to taste any, are you? No, I'm fucking not. You're such a dick. No, I just don't want to have shelf-stable meat right now. That's all right.

I'm going to have a glop. I'd rather not. I'm going to have a glop of this shelf-stable meat. Have a glot. Not a lot. Not a glot. Glot a lot it works

at many levels you're gonna have to smell it I'll smell it I'll smell your shelf stable meat that's when you put your dick on a counter

yeah then put a fucking nail through it oh or get a meat tenderiser and bash my willy to paste oh no no have you ever imagined

what that would be like? What does that look like? Dog food. It looks like dog food. Cat food. Here we go. It's in jelly. Oh, it smell like dog food too.

Really? Oh, poor. This is human food, is it? And it's also been in a warm bin bag. He's going to have a little taste, though. Here he goes. Are you going to have to look at the consistency? It's in a little triangular container.

It's got a lot of jelly around the side. It's meaty jelly around the side. Let's see what she says, actually. It says Polish ham, but this was a very cheap product and doesn't represent Polish ham well. I don't think it represents... Will you dare to try it? Well, since you've dared me, he's going to have to now. I would try it anyway, but...

Yeah, but we're doing it... Oh, it's nice and firm. It's meat jelly. It's terrible, terrible meat jelly. You carved that out like that was like soft ice cream. That's fucking horrible. What? What are you going to do?

No, I know, but very redolent of dog food smell. Redolent of the chow. Literally better you than me. It's in. It's in. He chew. He chew. He chew.

He chew. He chew it. Meat. It meat. Salty meat. Salty, he chew, it meat, it meat. Salty meat, salty, salty flat meat, mystery salty flat meat. That's not an experience I'd like to repeat. Anytime soon, that's very, very low grade food. Could you fritter that, fry it up maybe, slice it?

Would that be a bit nicer? It would be alright. You know what you do with that is you... Bin it. Yeah. But if I had to eat it and add some spring onions and some stuff like that. Okay. Sweet corn, maybe. Just put it in a pan with some oil and just sort of blitz it with those veg.

It would taste nicer then. Warm through. Well, there you go. Sort of like a corned beef hash style thing. Do you know what I mean? Don't half travel that fucking meaty meat. I don't need beefy dregs. Oh, beefy dregs. Do you like ham,

beefy dregs? I like beef. Oh, this is just beef. I've got beef here, beefy dregs. Do you want to smell this and eat this? You're fucking right.

Fuck off. Get in your truck. Get in your beef truck. Fuck off. Good. The new universe really panning out. It's not great, is it?

Right, so, next number, Mr. Silverman. What do you fancy? What haven't I got? I haven't had number one, have I? No, you haven't had that one. I'll go for number one. That's the obvious one, isn't it?

Now, number one's the one I've been looking forward to. Oh. Oh, wait, before we get to number one. I might have some more of that ham, actually. Oh, you fucking pig. One more spoon. Oh, mate. Oh, that's a big...

Oh, fuck. Oh, come on, mate. It's just too wobbly... Oh, fuck. Oh, come on, mate. It's just too wobbly. Oh, he really releases the aroma with his... You're a dog. You're a fucking dirty dog. All right, that's enough. It really is.

Ah, fuck it up. Before we move on, Marta sent us two personal gifts that are outside the bin bag remit, so I thought I'd give you yours now and I'll open mine. So I've got a little bag here and you've got a little bag here. It says

to Eli, to Paul. Oh, it's wrapped in nice black crinkly paper. That's funny. Hey, you love that. It's a fucking glass suite. Fucking hell. Although it's a much better glass suite than the one that you bought in the...

Oh. What is it? This is a Christmas decoration pickle. It's a Christmas pickle. Shiny pickle, green, metallic. Isn't it lovely? It's brilliant. And I've got a boiled glass sweet.

That is going to get pride of place with all my other tat. I will say this. This is a much better glass boiled sweet than the one you got from that car boot sale. I've still got that one. I know. Do you want it? This one is... No, I've got this one, mate. Boiled sweet glass deluxe. It's quite nice, actually. It's got from that car boot sale. I've still got that one. I know. Do you want it? This one is... No, I've got this one, mate. Boiled sweet glass deluxe.

It's quite nice, actually. It's got a nice shimmer to it. That would work for Christmas, wouldn't it? Yeah. And, you know, you could rest your penis on top of it. Got no... Nah, nothing else.

Nothing else for that. What about fill it with calm? Yeah, you could. Oh, give me two minutes. No. Snow is falling all around me. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. He lost the will to follow through.

But you could fill it with a liquid. You could make a little milky sweet. No one wants to do that. Do you want some of my milky boiled sweet? Who's this? Who says that? Me. My.

Me, me, me. Me, I do. Me say it. All, me, me. Me, I do. Me say it. All right. Number one. Right, number one. Thank you. The pickle decoration is brilliant.

Sure plumes. It's a tin of sure plumes. Is that what? A kind of tartan patchwork plaid thing? It's a tartan tin. So this comes from... Brosses of Edinburgh. This comes from Gary.

They're called sewer plumes. Sour plums is what that is, right? Exactly. But he says a little bit more about it. Let me find it for you. Where is it? Where is it? Ah, here we go.

Sour plumes comes in a variety of strengths. If you would like more sewer plumes, I'm sure you could find them online. They are said to have been first made in 1337 after a skirmish near Galashiels. Galashiels? Yeah, Galashiels. Where an English raiding party was overwhelmed

and killed by the locals. Oh, right. The English raiders were apparently eating unripe plums when they were discovered. So why would you eat what the vanquished invaders were eating? Do you know what I mean? I guess it's kind of like... All these things associated with battles, it's sort of...

There's probably more of a reason for that. Like, maybe people started to eat them as a kind of ironic gesture to the battle itself. Well, the way they burn a guy. Sort of like that. I guess. It's a bit like that, isn't it? So they ate ceremonial sour plums in a kind of way to say... We won. You fucking stupid English idiots. Yeah, yeah. So that, isn't it? So they ate ceremonial sour plums in a kind of way to say, we won, you fucking stupid English idiots.

Yeah, yeah. So should we open them? Very interesting. So it's a war delicacy. I guess. But I've already eaten one of these. Oh. Because they're not what you think.

So open them up and find out what's inside. They're sweets. Yeah. They're, funnily enough, a boiled sweet. They're green. Spherical. Boiled sweet. And I love these.

They're super nice and sour. Oh, they're really nice. They taste of iron brew. Is it iron brew? Because to me, it's like a kind of apple thing. There's definitely a lot of similarity of iron brew there. Yeah, I can see that. You know what I'm getting at?

That's a nice, satisfying, boiled sweet. Oh, that's delicious. He wasn't joking, was he? When he said if you want more I'm like I don't think I'm going to want more it's some kind of

dried pickled fruit or something you know it says it's made with the finest ingredients and they are EO 110 EVE 142 so yeah

finest ingredients Paul does it have what like a sherbet sherbet no it's just it's just all the way through yeah

although that could be a nice variation. I'm not going to finish this now then because... No, I'm going to put mine on the top of the thing and have it later to enjoy so we're not slapping lips all over your lovely podcast. No, that's very nice. Very nice. We have 15 minutes left. They are slightly sour, but not overwhelming. It's just...

It's a nice balance of the sweet and sour on those, isn't it? Almost juicy. It's got that kind of... You know when you have a fruit gum and it makes your mouth water? Yeah, yeah, totally. They're nice. We like sir plums. We do like the sir plums.

Sir plums. I could say this forever. Sir plums. You could not say that forever. Sir plums. I mean, that's once more. Eternity's a long time, Paul. Sir plums.

Well, all right, I can wait. Sir plums. Are you going to stop saying it now? Sir plums. It, alright, I can wait. Surplums. Are you going to stop saying it now? Surplums. It does restrict you. Yes. Next one, Mr Silverman, what would you like?

I would like number six. What's number six then? Oh, it's another foodie food one. Alright, good. You know what, I might just have another scoop of ham just in between. Alright, oh. Say what you see, Mr. Silverman. This is our next item from the bin bag.

He's handed me a sachet-type crisp packet. Light and crispy, it says at the top. And there's two young ladies in front of some mountains holding something between them. Looks like fruit in their arms. And it says, light and crispy, orchard to bag. That's what they're doing. We're in the orchard.

These come from Josh, by the way. So thank you, Josh. Thank you very much, Josh. Sisters Fruit Company. They're sisters, are they? No, it doesn't work as much for me now. Raspberry apple chips.

Delicately crisp dried Northwest apples kissed with a touch of pure raspberry. Oof. I look forward to this. They're all natural. They're gluten free.

They're fat free. They're no preservatives. They're simply natural. They're gluten free. They're fat free. They're no preservatives. They're simply perfect. They're simply gorgeous. Gorgeous things all together. Family owned, minimally processed. Lovely stuff. All right, these are going to be good.

We have 50 minutes left of our bin bag special. Oh, nice huff. Nice fruity huff. Have a little fruity huff on that. Oh, do you know what it reminds me of? What does that remind you of? It reminds me of those strawberry flavoured crisps we had years ago. Oh, yeah.

Okay, you're getting that. I'm getting a much more apple-y. Not as intense. It smells like apple juice concentrates me. Oh, there is that. But it's because of the raspberry, I think, gives it that thing. Oh, they're quite nice. They're good.

They're quite nice. I couldn't eat a whole bag of them because they're quite tart. You know what that'd be nice with? Beer. Ice cream. Oh, yeah. The crunch of them because they're quite tart. You know what that'd be nice with? Beer. Ice cream. Oh, yeah. The crunch on the... I can see that.

Some vanilla or something like that. Do you know what I mean? I can see that. They're really nice. I don't like the mulchy aftertaste, but the first crisp bite and the zing of the raspberry is quite nice.

Yeah, do you mean it's sort of like... It kind of lingers. It's a bit earthy. Yeah. It's a bit earthy aftertaste. A bit musty, almost. Once the brittleness breaks down, it becomes a bit more mulchy. The flavour...

Are you talking about the... Yes, but once that happens, are you talking about the texture or the flavour that comes? No, the texture. I don't really like the kind of chalky, kind of mulchy... Sort of mulchy apple. Yeah. They're pretty good. But, you know, nice.

Nice work. Number five. Number five. Let's have a look. Thank you for those crisps. Lovely. I thought they were going to go well with ham because I want another scoop of the cheap, cheap ham.

Right. Oh, it's something else that we can eat. This is from Marta. a lot of stuff for Marta thank you very much it's all from Marta's kitchen I wonder if she's got a vineyard this is something

very weird Paul Marta Marta's kitchen vineyard yeah it didn't rise to the level of actual amusement with me sir plums

come on sir plums well he's working towards saying that forever. He has to keep saying it. I'd be like Groot. Surplums! Can you... Are you allowed breaks for forever? Do you know what I mean? I can have forever breaks.

Oh, you can break forever as well? Yeah. And then start again after forever. I can do anything forever. Okay. This is something very weird. Right. Okay. Put on your weird seatbelt. I'm This is something very weird. Right. Okay. Put on your weird seatbelt. I'm going to put my weird seatbelt on. Not click every trip.

It's not to prevent you from getting too weirded out. Yeah, I got it. I'm going to restrain myself. This is going to be weird, Paul. All right. All right. It's going to be super weird. If you say so.

Well, super weird. Super weird. Super weird. I'm super weirdy. Ow. Hard candy in the mint pine flavour! In mint pine? So it's half tree, half mint flavour?

Hard candy in the mint pine flavour! I have never tried it. Okay. Should I, question mark? Well, we'll... Yes, we'll answer that right now. Come on then, let's answer it right now. These are odourless.

Oh, smack you! Me a twirl, so snowing! Oh, smack you! Come on then, let's answer it right now. These are odourless. What's the hoof? Very faint mint in the car next door, sort of. Oh yeah, it's kind of like you can almost smell someone's disused chewing gum. Yeah, that's what it is like. Yeah, you did it again. That is very much what it smells like. Very faint mint. Up close, you can barely smell anything at all.

Yeah. Right, in it goes. And it's a boiled sweet in a lozenge sort of shape, and it has a sort of decoration, some kind of plant decoration, like a beetle. It looks like a beetle, doesn't it? Pine cone, I thought, or something.

Oh, it's a pine cone, yeah. This tastes like the year 1975. It's minty. I like these. These are nice. I thought the pine was going to ruin it. No disgusting stuff in the food, apart from perhaps the cod roe and the...

The ham's actually better than I gave you credit for. Yeah, but you have a very fucking low standard when it comes to meat. I'm hungry. I like ham in a triangular sachet. You like ham presented like it's soft cheese. It's gross. Okay, I'm going to put this next to my soup.

I'm going to have to finish this one off later as well. Lovely. I like those. I really do like those. If those had come first, I would be more... I mean, it can't beat the Sour Plums, but do you know what I mean? No, but, Marta, if you want to try them,

they're just a nice, subtle mint-boiled sweet. If you like mint, and I love mint, you know when I go to France, Paul, I get one of those, like, mint syrup with Perrier. Oh, right. I love mint you know when I go to France Paul I get one of those like mint syrup with Perrier oh right I love those it transports me back to like

being in France as a kid on the Riviera yeah on a yacht that daddy rented for the weekend not a yacht

in some shithole Papa would often take the yacht out and we'd fish for children you can try this but my upbringing wasn't that privileged well you went to a really poncy school and your family were cult members And we'd fish for children. You can try this, but my upbringing wasn't that privileged.

Well, you went to a really poncy school and your family were cult members. So it's different than mine. Earthy types, my family. Bits of shelf-stable ham keep descending from my teeth. Living in the road? Luxury. We didn't have that. You lived in the road?

What? You had a house. You can't. I know, I'm joking. You went to school, didn't you? No. I went to a shed called School. And it was...

What was it called? School. Why was it... Because a frog was my headmaster. Okay, all right. Mr. Riddick. It's all coming out now. Mr. Riddick was a headmaster.

If you do get caught with the whole, you know, land goose thing. Yeah. Don't mention it. Mention the frog headmaster. Don't mention my frog head... He was a strict frog headmaster. It will just make you look mad. It will. the frog head master. Don't mention my frog head. He was a strict frog head master. It will just make you look mad.

It will. So, you know. My PE teacher was a goldfish. Yeah, okay. You are mad. I am in the mighty bush. I'm in the mighty bush. And I am now a badger.

Love it. Love it. Riffing hard now. So, next item. We've got eight minutes left. So, what would you like? How many more items have we got? We've got like another ten. Really? more items have we got? We've got another ten.

Really? Yeah, there's loads in the bin bag. Just shout a number. Number 18. Number 18. Oh, the very top end. Interesting item. I don't know what this is.

It is a mystery as well. Here we go. Here's the bin bag. Here we go. I think that's 18. There we go. Yeah, it's this. I don't know what it is.

It's a mystery package. Again, from Marta. Marta gave us a lot of stuff. But there is a nice mix in the bag. We've just seemed to have randomly got Marta's. Okay. What is this thing? Oh, no.

Read it out. What's she's written? This is pickled cucumber paste for pickled cucumber soup. Oh, yeah, baby. Pickled cucumber paste? That cucumber soup. Oh, yeah, baby. Pickled cucumber paste? That's right. For what purpose? To make cucumber soup.

Pickled cucumber soup. I like this. Instruction says put 750 millilitres of water to the pan. That makes quite a lot of soup, then. That's like three quarters of a litre, you know, like a big Coke bottle. Mate, I don't care about this. Add 350 gram of peeled and cut potatoes. I'm going to do this.

And then 50 millilitres of salt. I'm going to do this. Cook for 10 minutes. Oh, okay. So put cream in. Yeah. Cream of the dog. Something like that.

You put cream in, not cream of the dog. Cream of the dog in. You don't put dog spunk in the cucumber. This looks like, well, you don't, but... You do, do you? To the hundreds of people... Is this what your fucking, your badger dad fucking... Did he come and go, here's my badger spoff in your spoff soup. Drink your spoff soup, little Paul.

And then you can work on my haircut. I'll have you know that Bob Otter, my home ec teacher, taught me how to milk a dog for my soup. Oh, God. And it looked like this as well. This I will be for sure doing on a Country Urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen segment, Paul. Oh, that's exciting, isn't it? I can do it at the same time.

That's a bit unorthodox, mate. It's not exactly Noodle Test Lab stuff. Yeah, but it's pickle-based totally to the max. I could put some pickles. You need to maybe finally. I'll tell you what I'll do, Paul. No, you need to finally have a pickle section called Eli's Small Pickle Section.

And every week we talk about your small pickle section of the show. Listen, pickles are another part of the triumvirate of realness. Noodles is one one corner. Sauces are another. And you know what makes up the third spike of my three-pronged attack of doom?

Pickles. Pickles. Pickles, noodles, sauces. Right. or another and you know what makes up the third spike of my three pronged attack of doom pickles pickles pickles noodles sauces right it's like the God the Jesus and the Holy Spirit

you are talking shit so one more item I reckon we've got time for one more eleven eleven let's have a look at eleven

he looks in my little book we will be doing this I will be making this soup and I will be reporting back. Oh we've done 11. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Why did you have to break that elastic band? I didn't I was going to say Don't break the elastic band It's pretty And I need them Wow

You really are highly strong You thought I'd broken his elastic band I thought like an ape Did you hear him? Just pulled it off I didn't I didn't do that Paul Sour plumes

Listen I know my hands are small And they look clumsy and mawkish But they are good hands And they manipulate things Look They're good hands if you're a grizzly bear

not if you're a grizzly bear like that and you're attacking attacking with your big meat plates we all listen he may have cut it out

but Paul had a proper little marred on because he thought I'd broken his elastic band I'm not cutting it out I was and I hadn't this is the other fact

well that's all we've got time for on Team Joe this week So touchy No there's three cassettes here It's hot Paul It is hot isn't it I'm just marred

I know Well it's almost over It is I've had fun Come on I've had fun We've got sweets to do After we finish

There's a nice bin bag Bin bag Dirty bin bag Bin bag I can't stop saying bin bag It's a good idea I have to say I love this format.

These all appear to be real Ghostbusters. Yes. Rainbow booking tapes but without the books. Or the covers for the tapes. No, they didn't come with covers. They didn't? They were on the cover of the books. Yeah. They just came like that. These are nice. They have Cold Cash and Hot Water

which off the top of my head I can't remember. Do these all relate to actual episodes of the show? Yeah, these are from the series, but I very much doubt that the voices on these are taken from the show. So they do another version of a cartoon. They're probably sound-alikes. Wow. I'll put a clip in now. The Ghostbusters were busy coining up trap wires and tidying up their headquarters

after a particularly difficult ghostbusting mission. The phone rang. Janine answered it. Dr. Venkman, it's your father. Dad, where are you? I'm in Alaska. Still selling ice makers to the Eskimos? No, I got a new racket. I mean, I got news. What kind of con is it this time? Son, I found something up here buried in the ice. I can't tell you about it over the phone, but can you come up here today? To Alaska? Are you out of your mind? What did you find? Just ask your college buddy Egon if he'd ever heard of Hob and Agaric. Peter's dad hung up, and Egon looked curiously at Peter.

Well, what did your dad have to say? Hob and Agaric. Ray and Egon looked at each other as if a cold chill had just gone down their backs. Peter, there may be something to this. Adventures in Slime and Space. You know that one? I always get confused. Part of me thinks it's the one that's set in a space station and there's an alien on it, like a Cthulhu agent.

But it also could be the episode where Slimer gets shredded into millions of little Slimers and then they all get joined back together into one big massive Slimer that attacks New York. Nah, nah. So many episodes. That's Black Critters 2. So many episodes of real Ghostbusters

begin because Slimer does a naughty thing. Well, he was a star, wasn't he? Well, he fucking shouldn't have been. Don't get me started! They don't like Slimer.

And what's the last one? The Real Ghostbusters Beneath These Streets. That's a great episode. Okay. That one would have been a much better Ghostbusters 2 than Ghostbusters 2.

The plot of that one is... That's what it made me think of because there is a scene in Ghostbusters 2 where they go into the sewers don't they and they're putting all the spooge down there

the plot of this is and I can't remember exactly what it is but New York is starting to have earthquakes it's got a very long story short they find that there's a is it very long

it's about 20 minutes 20 minutes yeah but to cut a very long story short 20 minutes to 30 seconds yes to cut that all down

to trim it as much as I can to stop wasting everyone's time and eating into our precious time. I like it when you do with these embellishments. I'm enjoying this. I hope you say sour plums as well.

Say sour plums a couple of times. Sour plums. So the idea is that there's a column holding up New York and it rotates but it's all dried up because of...

Why would it rotate? I don't know. It's like spilt by the gods and it's keeping New York up but these ghosts are like draining the oil from it so New York would crumble. So and it's keeping New York up but these ghosts are like draining the oil from it so New York would crumble so they have to restart

the column and all these ghosts attack them oh but the city doesn't rotate on top of it no it's more like it powers it yeah

similar to the show Lost that's what that's about I like things that have underground complexes it's a good episode that one one of the really good ones so

I don't believe they're taking I think this is just a generic bunch of actors reading from a novelised version of the script because these would have

come out reasonably close to the broadcast but they probably didn't have the actual footage to copy and again it's not novelised is it because it's only

a children's book it's not a novel no they take a script and they turn it into a novel a story a story book yeah but it's not

what do you want to call it novelisation the novelisation take a script and they turn it into a novel. A story. A story book. Yeah, but it's not a novel length. Novelisation. The novelisation is still a fine fucking term. They adapt it as a story. They novelised it.

I don't think that's the right term. I don't give a fuck what you think. I'm going to take this rubber band. I'm not going to break it but I will besmirch it

forever. By using it as a sex aid. A self-sex aid, Paul. Oh, that's all we've got time for on the big bag, dirty bag. That's it. We've reached an hour. I must now close my dirty bin bag. Close the bin bag.

Maybe we'll go and explore the bin bag at a later date and see what else is in there. I hope the bin bag comes back. I can hear there's other stuff in there. It's got a good weight and a rustle. Are you going to replenish the bag? I'll top it up. I'll keep these items in here, but I will top the rest up. Oh, it's got a good weight.

There's a lot of items in there. There's two items in there, which I'm really sad we didn't get to, because you would have spoffed your gizzards. Well, they'll be coming. That's next time on this exciting new segment on Cheap Show, Gannon's Dirty Big Bag. It's the whole format. Big bin bag.

It's a whole format. Shall I try that? I'll Gannon's Dirty Big Bin Bag. It's a whole format. Shall I try that? Yeah. I'll punch that up. Yeah. And that's what you'll have next time on this brand new format for Cheap Show. Gannon's Dirty Great Bin Bag. And he fucked that.

I didn't fuck that. How did I fuck that? There's no great. Gannon's Rustly. There's no great. No Rustly. No great. No great Rustly.

It's Gannon's Dirty Big Bin Bag for babes. For babes? Is that what you use it for? For hot babes. You try and get babes. Trying to get hot babes. Well, maybe you could use that notebook. Standing in the street with me bag.

If you do, a little aid, a little pick-up artist aid. I've got this notebook you might be interested in. You just go, I think you are hot, you could say. Cute, sexy, whatever, funny. And then you go, and I just wanted to say, I've got a bin bag with mystery items in and I want you to look in it

I want you to come meet me in the woods at midnight alone and look in my bin bag cut to this podcast being over I'm in jail

you don't have any income anymore because you're useless and then everything ends fuck off so that's been a successful I'm going to sue you if you sue Biffo.

What are you going to sue me for? Being nasty to me. You big fucking dickhead. I'm never nasty to you. Come on. Right. That's the end of that segment. It's not a segment.

It's a new format. It's a new form-y segment. It's the end of the show. There's no... People will think there's another segment coming up. I want to do the wrap-up bit, but I want to do it as a separate segment. So I'm going to do that now.

That's the admin. The housework. It's not a proper segment. It's a segment. Well, it's I don't like it. So, I don't give a fuck. Right, and that's Cheap Show for another week. If you like what you hear and you'd like to support us, you can with Patreon.

Goodness, patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Give what you can, but only if you can. Thank you very much for the support. To videos and podcasts and magazines and all sorts of wonderful stuff. slash cheap show give what you can but only if you can thank you very much and you'll get access to videos and podcasts and magazines and all sorts of wonderful stuff

if you want to know more about cheap show go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk there you can find pictures that go along with every episode videos

links to all the merch and the magazines and events and Tony stuff tons of things there our YouTube page it's a one stop shop for all things cheap show

we're also on social media at the Cheap Show pod. Come join us. Have a chat. I'm at Paul Gannon Show. Eli is... Eli Snowid. Spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D.

And that's all for this week. We're also on Facebook, Instagram, and that's all for this week. We're also... Paul... You can also email us. You've got to the end.

Thecheapshow at gmail.com. Email us about anything you fancy. If you've got something you can contribute to the show, do so. And that's all we've got time for

on the show. That's all we've got time for. That's it. Bye. That's it. Bye. You don't have to be funny. You're not going to.

Why start now? You know what would be a good point to end on? What? Say Sue of Plums again. Three or four times. We need a proper sign-off for Cheap Show, though, don't we? We never really had one.

And then we could actually know when to end. You know, like, game for a laugh. It's like, watching you, watching us, watching you. That's all for me, and it's all for him. Yeah, that kind of... We need something like that. All right, well, fuck off, Eli. You're a cunt, Paul.

See you, everyone. I reckon that's got legs.