CheapShow - Ep 243: That 70s Episode

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

It's been a while, but Paul & Eli have managed to trick... Sorry, convince a guest to join them for another edition of the economy comedy podcast! This week, comedian and actor Imran Yusuf visits CheapShow to wade into the sticky swamps of nostalgia. A strange charity shop discovery unearths an item that overindulges in the "good old days" of the 1970s. It's a bag of reproduced 70s ephemera that allows the cheap chaps and co the chance to ask "was it really all that good" in the past? The answer is no. Elsewhere, Paul has tailored a "Price of Shite" to suit Imran's love of video games, but can he guess the correct costs of these weird and wonderful pieces of tat? Eli is on hand to "help" and offers a top prize! See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-243-that-70s-episode And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Find out more about Imran here: https://www.imranyusuf.com/ @imranyusuf Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

What? Just before we start, can I just say... What? Calm down, please. Can you calm down? I'm excited. I'm excited. We haven't had a guest in a while.

Okay. This is now the cold open, by the way. Shall I do it now? I don't need you. This is the cold open. I'd like to be needed. Would you come close to the mic? I'd like to be needed.

Yeah, I know. You say that a lot. I think it's on your Tinder profile. Just say one thing. What? You've talked about changing your name. I'm going to change my name. I do want to change my name.

I would like a nickname. Middle bit, you know. Choffney.ney no eli choffney silverman that sounds good eli do you know what i mean silverman yeah someone pointed that out recently he said do you know eli says do you know i mean a lot in the podcast and i'd never taken it in until i started episode well last week's episode editing it and there was there's a the 30 second stretch of the podcast why edit out five or six times you say, do you know what I mean? It's an incredibly insecure way of performing.

Sorry, everybody. And on that note, welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show. I've got an apology out of Eli and that to me is a goal. It's a goal. Oh, is that it? Yeah.

I thought we were going to do it when we come back out of the credits. Oh, fucking. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. We're going to do it when we come back out of the credits. Oh, fucking. I hate you and your fucking noodle poppy. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept It's the price of shade

It's the Price of Shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show And I go and I nuzzle Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I go through the charity shops, pound lands and bargain bins of Great Britain and look for the treasure amongst the trash. It's our format

and this week we're in a different location we're not in the house of pickles or the house of ham and eggs. We're in the Tudor bookshop we're in the Tudor bookshop at Soho Radio Podcast Studios in Soho, London and we've got a guest for the first time in a long time. A guest and we are privileged and

flattered to have this guest on our show his name is simply Imran Youssef and he is a godsend to us hello Imran how you doing I'm great thank you very much for having me oh well we'll see at the end of the show if it was worth your time and effort coming here today but how you doing you're right we haven't seen you in a while yeah it's been a while we yeah we've not seen each other in in ages yeah but I'm doing okay went to the gym uh recently and pushed myself to the limits. So I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good as a result of doing that.

I'm going to say I don't like people who exercise. I find their attitude stinks, by and large. Have you got the DOMS? The DOMS? Delayed Onset Muscular Strain. Oh, hello. Yes, I believe I have. Yeah, that sounds kinky.

I was sore the following day, but I was even more sore the second day. Yeah, those two-day doms were a killer. Why are you talking like you do this? I've been pounding grapefruits.

Only sexually you've been pounding grapefruits. Oh, ha, ha, ha. Right. Fruit fucking is it. Just because Imran's here doesn't mean I'm lowering or raising the quality

of my comedy. No, you're not. You're certainly not. It's exactly the same. Oh, my God. The last time I saw you, though, genuinely, I think was when we were filming Digitizer Series 1, the show. Yes, yeah.

Or way back when. That was, yeah, that was a few years ago. That was really exciting. It was. And I remember you ended up having an allergic reaction to something. Shrimp. Shrimp. It's allergic. You say it's allergic. It. Shrimp. Yeah. It's funny.

You say it's allergic. It's more psychosomatic. It's not psychosomatic. It's a deep-seated. It's a fear of the sea. What do you mean fear of the sea? In a very broad sense, it's a fear of everything feminine in the universe.

So what you're saying, my allergic reaction to fish is because I have a problem with women Yes and you don't want to be enveloped What do you mean enveloped I'm joking What was your role Imran In Digitizer I was a guest on the show

It's almost as if you haven't ever seen the series Eli I did it was several years ago As we said He watched the bits he was in To be honest I think that's what I did. It was several years ago, as we said. He watched the bits he was in. To be honest, I think that's what I did too. I was like, honestly, do I look good in this? I was really excited because I grew up reading

Digitizer, a massive fan of it, and then to meet Mr. Biffo, I was really excited. Was it underwhelming when you finally met him? It was for me. I didn't know what to expect. I had no idea who this guy was he was just called mr biff i didn't realize that he's actually mortal and human yeah i thought he had transcended that too too mortal because it was i found his style of humor really i love

surreal humor yeah i don't think we have enough of that like done properly and that's what he does and also you know he's got like his the like, the man's daddy's joke book. Yeah. I'd be on the train just laughing at that. People are, like, looking at me going, you know, one of his jokes is like, what's the worst thing, you know, that can happen to you when you bite into,

like, a donut? And I'm like, I don't know. It's all that you bite into a donut and out pops a murderer. Yeah. It's weird. That would be bad. Biffo tends to write jokes like those Twitter kids joke accounts.

You know, it's like, why did chicken cross the road? Death. What does Batman eat for breakfast? Haunted ghosts. And you just kind of laugh because of the shocking left turn it makes. I actually remember some of the stories from the man's diary from Digitizer. Oh, he did? He had one? I remember them.

And I can recite a couple of them as well. And then it's a joy to go on. You don't want to admit that. It's a joy to be able to go on. There's a fan site and to be able to look for those pages. I remember that. I think we talked about this on Cheap Show before, but half of those have turned up because they were on VHS tapes, right?

I didn't know this. Maybe I'm getting the science wrong, but apparently when you recorded off TV on a VHS, you also recorded the code for teletext. So if you search for the VHS, you can pull out the code for old teletext. That's crazy, isn't it? It must be part of the actual tape. It must have a band within it, which is the teletext information.

Yeah. Well, like, Tecmo's done a video about how VHS would be used for, like, data storage and video storage and all kinds of weird things. And he had that VHS digital music player thing. Yeah. That was a chunky, chunky piece of gear. Yeah. Like, grab it.

Give it a shakedown. Yeah. Oh, you're're gonna fuck that as well aren't you paul look if it's consensual i will fuck any and all pieces of hi-fi equipment i've always wanted to make it with a cassette deck twin set cassette i want both hands in oh shut up oh my god what have i walked into i know that's one of the one of the nice things i think is that comedians we get on the show who know us but have never really listened to the show properly will sit down and go hey it's eli and paul time and then at the end go i don't know what i sat for no i don't know what was a judge on the urine vision this year well thank you for that as well i'm glad that my number one choice actually won. Yeah. The nostalgia was going to get you. Yeah.

That was the deserved winner. I don't know. I don't like that bloody ballad one. That ballad one. I liked it. It had no swearing. It had no references to Cheap Show. It had nothing.

It had no proper chorus either. It didn't have to. I stated I just wanted to do an open source music competition. Music was the winner in the end. Music was the winner. And it was vanquished. It wasn't vanquished. It vanquished it wasn't vanquished it vanquished it i thought it was a really strong turnout i mean we tried to pick a nice variety of

weirdness and and proper quote-unquote music so when i was asking around the judges i was like everyone's not gonna get this the judging was good and and kept to the time constraint because a lot of those fuckers... Because Nick Helm, I said, keep it short, Nick. Shut up, Nick! Jesus Christ!

15 minutes later, he's got a 15-minute thing and I'm like, chip, chip, chip, chip. He kept the recorder on when he went and got some tea or something. He did. He did. So thank you for that

and if we do another one next year, I'll be inflicting that upon you again. All right, I'm looking forward to it. I was saying, I think maybe we do it live next year. We do Your Envision live. I'm up for that. And if we do another one next year, I'll be inflicting that upon you again. All right. I'm looking forward to it. I was saying, I think maybe we do it live next year. We do your Envision live. I don't know how we do it, but we'll figure out a way.

Well, you do it live. You do a show live, don't you? No, I know. I mean, literally. I mean, how you do it. Anyway, this week on Cheap Show, we tried to tailor our segments to our guests when appropriate.

So we're going to start off with a random thing I've found, just something I want us to talk about. nostalgia based uh whether it relates to us i don't know but it'd be worth picking through but we do have in the next section after that is we have the price of shite where eli and i've gone to charity shops we pick a few things out and you have to guess the prices of those items all right right we have five and today we have picked video games based items for you to peruse. Oh, great. Straight up my street.

And if you like any of them, you can take them, because I don't want to take them home. I've got that Mario pin badge as well. I'm jealous of that. If you've got any Mario-related stuff, I will gladly take it. He won't give up that. There's a charity shop in Camden called Mind, and a few months ago or weeks ago, they had a little pot of pin badges. We were like, oh, yeah, because we both love pin badges. Now they had a little pot of pin badges. We were like, oh yeah, because we both love pin badges. Now they have a whole wall

of pin badges and we got the best ones. I got a Janine Ghostbusters badge, a Phoenix the Cat, a Coca-Cola ACDC. You got that wicked Mario pin. Yeah, I've got it with me. Get it out.

In a minute. Whip it out. I'll get it out. Get out your shiny Mario badge. I got that, what's he called don toro that um the anime character the little cat someone mentioned that yeah i called don burry don john duraymon duraymon blue the blue cat yeah yeah yeah i've got a little one of those really nice really like a 70s thing i yeah i think duraymon's actually quite old yeah i'm not i'm not

a duraymon like i don't know duraymond um i know of it because it's quite a recognizable character i know the character yeah because it's a blue cat with no ears yeah and that's the weird thing isn't it about anime is that many respects you go oh i remember that show from the 90s but someone from japan was like we had that 1976 and you already got it in the 90s once they were catching it on all the you know power rangers stuff so yeah i think my first experience was that guy what was the that cartoon where they had the guy with the visor and they battle of the planets yeah i love that stuff because that was i remember that i remember that was a mainstream thing here i didn't know if it was anime was it definitely japanese yes

the original was it's one of those ones where the japanese sold it to someone in the west who just re-scripted it basically well they they completely added a new character or two, added new animated scenes to make more sense and restructured the characters and the plot. So visually, it was the same show, but narratively and character-based, it was almost completely different. There was a lot of that at the time. Well, that's what Power Rangers was.

It was the Hurricane Rangers, and then the West bought it and then dropped in the bits that are relevant to the West. Also, I think Japan and I think France have got... relevant to the west yeah also i know i think japan and i think some like france have got like french animation um looks quite similar to japanese animation i think there's a lot of crossover or a lot there's something quite relatable in a way that we didn't have over here yeah especially when you think of things like you know city of gold or yeah or will it phileas fog yes those are french they are tintin was a a Belgian. What was D'Artagnan? What was that?

He was French. That was a French. Yeah, but what was it called? D'Artagnan. And the Muscahounds. Muscahounds are always great. I remember. No, there's something about those shows that whenever someone brings them up, you either

go, ro, ro, ro, or you go, 80 days around the world. They had great theme songs as well, didn't they? Yeah. And what was that one, Hercules? No, Ulysses 31. Ulysses. That was, I think, an anime. Oh, I don't know anime.

I think that was a French thing. Maybe. I've never thought of that, but you're right. There's an overlap with the animation style. Whereas in Britain, it was much more known for claymation, sort of stop motion stuff stuff, wasn't it? No, no, I mean Cosgrove Hall. Hall, yeah.

So stuff like Count Duckula, Trapdoor. Correct me if I'm wrong, people who are listening. Yeah, that Trapdoor was not Cosgrove Hall. Neither was Tellybugs. Yeah, I know. It's shocking, isn't it? Cosgrove Hall did Danger Mouse. Danger Mouse, Jamie and the Magic Torch,

I love Jamie and the Magic Torch Count Duckula I did say Count Duckula Yeah you did Avenger Penguins Wind in the Willows What's his score? Oh it's Cosgrove's score

One He's not doing very well I'll cut it so he sounds intelligent and we'll make it work But yeah UK animation tends to have a more bino style because i think that's our influences yeah it's the cartoony end of the pier postcard look my brothers grew up with marvel and dc and we've got a load of that load of those comics at home from when they were kids but i grew

up with buster and bino oh yeah that's i'm my yeah that's my like i i knew a spider you were in a dandy man but uh which is not a slur by the way i'm just saying wizard and chips yeah that was a part of the that same not same universe but that same era yes but buster and bino were the two that i almost read religiously like i'd always make sure i had those two i was mad about marvel and but i moved from the buster and the bino and the Wizard and Chips to the Marvel, basically. For me, straight into horror comics. I used to read Creepy or whatever it was, because my uncle used to give me issues, and I thought it was the zombies and the monsters on the front were cool.

And my favourite strip in it was 13th Floor, and it was a British comic strip, very 2000 AD-ish, almost, about this block of flats in the middle of an estate and when horrible people get into the lift the lift judges them and takes them to the 13th floor where they walk out into like a hellscape

their own personal hell yeah and they have a horrible ironic do you remember Supernaturals that was a toy yeah Supernaturals

yeah I'm around my people were those the hologram ones yeah yeah I've got that I've got the mirror yeah I was sent it wasn't I yeah in the PO those the hologram ones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got the mirror. Yeah.

I sent it, wasn't I? Yeah, in the PO box. The hologram skull mirror thing, yeah. It was a comic as well. Oh, right. And in the comic, there was also a segment called The Doll, which is basically about a haunted ventriloquist doll that did some horrible stuff. Creepy.

And you can find it. If you Google it, you can find it. And it still looks really messed up, man. Really, really messed up. I started reading these weekly horror comics. Can't remember what they were called. Woman's Own Magazine. Why is that funny? Because I said it.

That's why. And my dad, being a liberal, was like, I don't want you reading those. I like the way you said that, as if you thought I'm that disgusting. Well, he's just such a boomer liberal. Right, he's one of, yeah, okay. Because he said, you can read those if you like, but I will not be paying for it. Really?

So you can buy your own trashy comics. Yeah. But he would happily fork out. He disapproved. He totally disapproved. He didn't want me reading them, but he couldn't be. In general. He couldn't actually order me.

That's what I mean about the liberal thing. He couldn't actually, you know, command me not to read them. He just had to say, I will not be paying for it. It was more of a guilt trip. I will not fund this. I will not fund this filth. So what, was it Beano as well, or just like the... No, just the horror ones he had a problem with.

There were these... I can't remember what they were called, but they were weekly with, like, newsprint. Yeah. With a colour cover, and the inside was all uh black and white what my mom had you know i had garbage pail kid uh yeah stickers yeah yeah and so we all collected stickers as kids like that that was the thing but when i got to garbage yeah like so thundercat stickers yeah got got need need yeah that's what that. I had Thundercat stickers.

I remember having those. And then I remember getting to Garbage Pail Kids and the art was very different. And it was quite disturbing as well. Like, it was really disturbing. And my mum, she looked at me and she went, no, these are bad and you shouldn't, these are bad. And she kind of banned me from having them. I can kind of understand that, though,

because they were set out to be repulsive and not cool. But I remember I got mine nicked, not nicked, taken away, well no nicked, by my teacher because he saw them and he was like, I'm keeping them in my drawer right, because I don't like these and I don't want them in class. So I snuck in after class and I went to get my cards back and realised he also had a stash of like 200 others he'd taken from other

students and I took him too and I had the best collection. Wow, you little crim. Still got a tin. He must have known. Yeah. Back in those days, I remember one of my teachers, I had a shiny mumra. Pardon?

Excuse me. So you remember you'd have your regular stickers and then you'd have your shinies. Until you got to Ghostbusters and you had the best hologrammatic shiny stickers you've ever seen. Do you mean like they've got metallic bit yeah the whole thing yeah so i had a shiny and it's a shiny super mummer which is hard to get it wasn't easy i remember this teacher uh she was i remember she came to our school she i don't

know if she was a supply teacher but i remember telling us that she was from scotland and we didn't know what that was like we were you know five six seven something like that right and she's like i'm from scotland and she told us about loch ness monster and i'm like oh my god how do you people cope like what what's going on i remember telling us about this and she saw we weren't allowed to have stickers in school uh for whatever it is the 80s yeah and i remember super mumra it's a shiny super mumra and she held up in front of my face and she tore it she destroyed it and if you tried to do that now it would all hell would break loose there'd be a legal you know challenge

someone's getting leathered yeah it would be it would be epic but back then i was like all right my teachers just ripped my property yeah uh and tough you have to take it you have to take it back in the 80s take all sorts of stuff from them my teachers used to punch me full on in the face did they yeah what are you joking no of course i'm bloody joking i don't know what one of my He's taken all sorts of stuff from them. My teachers used to punch me full on in the face. Did they? What? Are you joking? No, of course I'm bloody joking. I don't know. One of my teachers did.

I'm not going to mention any names. One of my teachers would actually slap another child on the bum to punish him. And I'm like, hold on. It's 1987. Yeah. And I'm watching a boy be slapped on his bottom. Yeah. Like, he had been, I think he might have deserved it, to be honest.

Yeah. You only get bum slapping for very naughty spankies. Yeah. Right. I'll say this. Just one thing on Mumra. Can I just say one thing on Mumra? Yeah.

If you like Mumra, there's, you know that guy, what's he called? Cassette Boy, who does the voice thing? He's done Mumrah doing Old Dirty Bastards, I Like It Raw. Excellent. Raw. You know, it's really good. I'll just say this. One of the teachers in my school got fired

because he lost his shit with one student and literally tried to put his umbrella up him. Yeah, you're right. It was in an era where stuff like that could be buried quickly from yes from public yeah yeah public knowledge they get moved to the next school overall they were just quite disturbing is i found that era of like i think one of the best things of my life is primary school in this country okay particularly in london yeah right particularly it was a beautiful place. Now, at age 41, I'm in a WhatsApp group

with all the kids that I went to my middle school with because it felt like we were a family. We all had different backgrounds and everything but we were like a family

and we're in a WhatsApp group now. We help each other out. Well, that's nice. Because I refused to speak to anyone I knew when I was young. I don't speak to anyone but I did go to a primary

for like a couple of years before I went to boarding school. Like a state primary in North West London. How was it for you? It was great. Like you say, though, it was one of the best times I had as a child. Yeah, it was primary school. Honestly, I really, really value it.

I felt like you were part of a family. Definitely, yeah. You were all different backgrounds different walks of life none of that mattered because you all played together it was very diverse we didn't always get along

can we move on then because I'm going to start singing this used to be my playground by Madonna in a minute and also can I just say can I just say we did a production

of West Side Story and I wanted to be what's the hero Maria I did not want to be Maria I wanted to sing Maria who's the guy who sings Maria I did not want to be Maria. I wanted to sing Maria. Who's the guy who sings Maria? Tony, is he?

I don't know. That's all I remember from West Side Story. They made me that bloody announcer, the dance announcer. Did they? I got to play. Apparently, I saw this somewhere on the internet. If you played anyone in the nativity at school, you would go on to do well in life.

I got to play Joseph. This explains why I was always the cow. I was always literally the dwarf. There's no one. Gnome. There's a gnome. I know, but they'd stick him in. It was that kind of school.

There's no nativity gnome. There was. In Rudolf Steiner schools, there was. Believe me. He crammed all sorts of you know forest dwelling fairy folk into the christ story and why not right so this item i have been sitting on for a while not literally because that would be stupid and it's not an egg that's awful um it's not an egg no it was something i bought in a charity shop

maybe maybe a year ago maybe a year ago and i couldn't quite figure out what to do with it but i've brought it this week because it was just everyone's been talking about a lot about nostalgia these days and people complaining about new he-man and new this and old versions of that and it's like oh is nostalgia all it's cracked up to be because a lot of things these days are trading on nostalgia to sell you something remind you of something you know give you the feels i want to know who this is for right so i went into a charity shop and i found this it's called simply 70s childhood and it's a little plastic bag and inside you get a bunch of stuff and all this stuff is reprints of things you could have bought or

owned or cherished in the 70s. So I'll just share... Any porn? I'm glad to ask. 70s childhood. Oh, childhood. Oh, no, maybe, actually. Yeah, no, maybe. There was bound to be some wood somewhere with the porn. Well, I don't know if this is relevant to... Like, I was born in November 79,

so I'm really an 80s kid. Well, that's the thing. We're all 80s kids. Well, I remember... I was 75, so I remember... What? Yeah. I know, right? Shocking.

He's looking good. So, I'll tell you what's in this. So, it comes with a colour TV Times relating to children's TV. It comes with a section of an Argos catalogue. It comes with Superstar 1972, an ace fanzine

stuffed with profiles of Cassidy, the Osmonds, the New Seekers, T-Rex and Slade. Oh, all shit apart from the last two. Two theatre flyers for It Looks Like Pantos, an ABC Ipswich flyer, and then it just says miscellaneous images. There we go. Thatch, I'm looking for some heavy thatch.

Again, it's not porn. It's not porn. Miscellaneous. Wink, wink. Missy Anus-less. Missy Anus-less. Missy Anus-less. She doesn't have an anus.

She has no anus. It's sewn up. This show has turned. No, it hasn't. You just haven't been here before. Don't worry. And then a term I've never heard before, but you get some concert tickets,

and they're calling it concertina, as in like an accordion. Yeah, a devised collection of concert tickets from the 70s, including Roxy Music, ABBA, Elton John, Slade, Sex Pistols, Bowie. You had to be there, but if you couldn't, here are some reprints of those tickets. So I'll tell you what, I'll share them out, and we can all pick at them and just have a little chat about it. Do you know what?

I just thought I'd mention this out of nowhere. Has anyone been to the toilet here? No. Did they feel condescended to in the toilet? I felt condescended to in the toilet. How do you feel? Because it goes, wash your hands. 20 seconds each side.

Brilliant, the sign says. Brilliant. Oh, it's a sign. It wasn't like someone in there. It's like talking to a fucking child. Brilliant. It's like Oatly. Have you ever read an Oatly bottle?

Yeah, I know you get angry about Oatly bottles. It's the same thing. I bet they had the same consultants in the toilet telling them to... Sorry. Thank you for that, I guess. I don't know. I don't know what you want from me with that. So, are these actual reprints of the material? Yes. Oh, that's quite nice actually. I didn't realise. I thought it was some kind of...

No, it's a little packet full of time capsule. I thought it was a time capsule with actual stuff, but it's not. It's all been reprinted. So it was a time capsule with actual stuff. No, these are reprints. It's all being reprinted. So I don't know what you've got, but I've got a few miscellaneous pictures. I've got the don't cross near parked cars, says Kevin Keegan.

Oh, I remember that. Was Kevin Keegan the man who fell off his bike during the show Superstars and hurt his face? No, he was a footballer. No, I know that, but there was a TV show called Superstars, wasn't there, which was kind of like a... Where he hurt his face.

It was like a sports kind of, it's a knockout where all these athletes would do sports can i finish the story before you just jump to the bit where i've already said he's hurt his face did he hurt himself i'm sorry um i'm not even going to go further that's a shit story that's why paul so this is a little view master pamphlet a viewmaster? Oh, yeah, Viewmasters, yeah. I remember those. The clicky-clickies. Yeah, they're the clicky-clickies. The one me and Biffo did a video about a few months ago.

Did you have one of those? I did. I never understood the appeal of them, to be honest, but I had them. Yeah. Well, no. They're deeply unimpressive things. No, they weren't. They are.

They're shit. I remember being a child looking at it going, what the fuck is the point of this? Did you ever have any warm moments as a child of fond nostalgia? Or was everything just a litany of crass shit? I told you when I was looking at porn in a shed and then... No, it was a den. Not a shed, it was a den.

It was a shed, though, wasn't it? Your den was a shed. No, it was... They made it. Who's they? Azu and Arnu. The elder gods. Azu and Arnu.

Who? The Nigerian friends in the second garden across. They made a den and put porn up in it, and I was so entranced that I melted a plastic bag onto my leg by mistake, whilst looking at someone's heavy thatch. Right, so... LAUGHTER

Right. You know what? Every time you tell that story, and it's been a few times now, warningly, it just gets to the point where you add a new slice to it, and that extra slice just makes it dirtier. Extra heavy fat, yeah. So it's a Viewmaster guide.

So what does it say? Is it just like, here's a list of everything you can view on Viewmaster? I think it must have been a reproduction of an inserted pamphlet that came with a magazine or something. Right, because I used to love mine, because it was an idea you could explore the world. Oh, look, it's a small world at Disney. Click.

Oh, look, it's the Splash Mountain. You could go places you couldn't because your family were poor like mine. So all my holidays were in my eyes. Oh. Eye holiday. Yeah, well, an eye holiday. I closed my eyes and went to anywhere. This is some kind of voucher.

It says, gift two Viewmaster packets free for every purchase of a Viewmaster. So you've got the packets. You've got your little... Well, they have to throw those in. There'd be no point buying a Viewmaster and then waiting a week before you could look at anything for it. No, it's a very good point. Very, very good point. What have you got, Imran?

Me? I've got three things. Most notably, i've actually got a reproduction of an argos uh what you know what came in an argos catalog i didn't know they went back that long argos i thought it was an 80s thing apparently not no it looks like it's been a while and you know so there's a variety of toys i think what we all did when we all got the argos catalog as a kid you'd go straight to the back still do now straight to the back to look at the toys right uh and then later video games and what i've noticed here is that you can buy over here Or Argos catalog as a kid. You'd go straight to the back. Still do now. Straight to the back to look at all the toys, right?

And then later video games. And what I've noticed here is that you can buy... Over here, there's an actual rifle. This silver rifle. What? Completely realistic-looking rifle. Because back then... Oh, yeah. You could have replica guns because...

Because why not? Yeah, because why not? Because we weren't violent like the kids today. Oh, down with the kids today. Especially the American ones in America. Yeah. With big guns. And so I actually, I had a replica, like, handgun. It was a cap gun.

Yeah. So it would go bang, bang, bang, bang. And it was blue, but it was metallic. So, you know, looked real. From a distance, yeah. And we would run around, you know, kind of bang, bang, shooting each other. And it was fine.

Yeah. It was just fine. There's train sets here. there's Scalextric. Scalextric, I can't say it properly. Did you ever enjoy Scalextric? My dad did, and he had a very simple figure of eight track. But it's boring. It's boring and quite difficult as well.

I just thought you hold it down and it goes round. No, it doesn't. And you have to sort of take it off on the corners don't you yeah release the pressure on the corners we had scale x trick but uh it didn't work so i have memory of having scale x trick that well it was it was broken by the time i was old enough to understand what it was so my brothers had rinsed it by then there's also here a kojak game kojak target game where you get a gun a uh and uh i think it shoots do you remember you should get guns that shot little suckers little yeah yeah yeah suckers on and again you know and often if you were lucky enough you could shoot someone in the forehead and stick on yeah that's

ultimate how much for a dart into my friend's ear a real dart yeah geez well you what were you trying to recreate a scene from shawn he Dead? He wanted me to do it. Not... He wanted me... Wait. He wanted you to throw a dart at him. We were doing, like... Coke.

No. What? I was 10. Yeah. I asked the same question. Were you doing Coke? I was not on cocaine when I was 10. Thank you.

This reminds me of a story that somebody... When I worked in the games industry, one of the IT contractors used to come and told us a story that somebody when i worked in the games industry one of the it contractors used to come and told us a story that he went to a boarding school and one of the kids in his boarding school or i think it was all boys was really hyperactive and just wouldn't fucking stop yeah you know just want and uh during playtime whatever someone threw a dart and it went in his testicle so he then yeah i mean just the sound and so apparently just the idea of this. Yeah so he then obviously had to go away to hospital. Yeah. When he came back he had calmed

down a lot. Yeah no shit. Perhaps that's the therapy that they need. So what you're saying is instead of Ritalin, Darts in the bollock. How do you even administer that? Do you put the kid on a giant rotating circle and just rotate it round and then everyone gets a go? That's what we would do. I was doing it with my friend. We were sort of influenced by knife throwing. Oh, yeah.

So I was trying to get it close to him. I wasn't trying to throw it in. So in your head, you're going... Yeah, doing all that stuff. Wicked. I tell you what, when I was a kid, I wasn't into guns that much, but I did love having a spud gun. You know those little metal guns you put into a spud,

you put out and you can fire them. Yeah, but what we did was we got pins and we stuck them in the end of the potato that you stuck out. Of course. So you used to fire them. Is this after you've been rifling through your teacher's private property? Yeah. I actually carried a GAT gun when I was a teenager.

Yeah. So a friend of mine, his dad was in the US Air Force, but based in North London. Oh, okay, yeah. And so he had access to all these air rifles. And I was a target for muggers when I was a teenager because I was a skinny Asian kid, you know, must own a shop. Well, we did.

But besides all of that. Besides that, you know, so supposedly we well we did but besides that you know so supposedly we're rich and we weren't um so i was just a target for muggers and i got bored of it and i was like i need to defend myself and i asked my friend i was like can you get me a gun yeah and he's like and he bought this uh it looks like robocop's gun it was a massive like gat gun and it looked real like absolutely real but you couldn't fire bullets only metal slugs right fortunately thank god he didn't give me any actual ammunition any any metal slugs and so i carried this massive i look like space harrier like the gun is bigger than me right and i carried up my inside pocket and walk around i go the

moment somebody tries any of that pattern with me and go you know i know you got money on you i'm like no i got your ass that's that's that's quite the what I was waiting to do. Did you ever get to do that? Thank God, no. And a week later, I gave it back to him. And it was only £15. That's all he was asking for. It was £15. I have this realistic gun.

And I'm a 14-year-old boy running around with this. This is like a high school version of Breaking Bad. What part of London did you go? Harrow. So the school I went to was Hatch End. Oh, right. And so Biffo went to Hatch End, but years before, obviously. Or did he?

What do you mean, or did he? I don't know. I was being spooky about Biffo. And I returned it to him and then I took up karate that summer. And then I went, my life took a better path. The weird thing is, I can't imagine you decked out with guns and pulling

out, you know what I mean? I can't imagine you doing that. It's really weird. What I find is that you are, you know, your environment shapes you in such a massive way. Yeah. And I could have quite easily gone further down that road and God knows where that would have led me to. But fortunately, because of Street Fighter 2 and Jackie Chan,

I took up martial arts. Yeah. And I was like, I will not use weapons. My hands are weapons. A rumbling harrow. Closest I can imagine. I'd watch that. I'd watch that.

That's what we need. There needs to be a London-based sort of kung fu movie. Yeah, that's not based in central London, but based on the suburbs. Because you just don't see that. A lot of British films tend to be Cockney gangsters and deals that gone down and all that kind of stuff. I don't want to see... There's nothing, there's nothing...

Football hooligan movies. I'm not a fan of those gangster movies. They seem to do well, though, don't they? Yeah, because they're cheap to make. I saw, I'll tell you what I saw on Netflix was called Once Upon a Time in London. Oh, no. So it's based on...

Well, Once Upon a Time films. Yes. So it's like a 30s gangster film in London with just the most boring, atrocious acting. Anyway, sorry, everyone. Imagine if Roger Ebert said that at the end of the review. I hate it, Die Hard. Sorry, everyone.

I know you like it. Superstar 72 I've got a replica of here. Is that a little magazine? Talking of Kung Fu, are they doing... It looks like they're doing Kung Fu. Who's that? The Osmonds? It's possibly the Osmonds it's possibly the osmonds

weird they're all in like elvis jumper suits and they seem to be going you know with the pose well when was when was kung fu fighting out that song oh that's later yeah yeah i was gonna say that's much later right because that's when the films were kicking off all those kung fu bruce i think the kung fu craze was was from early on though it It was for most of the 70s. Started in the early 70s, I believe. Because like Jackie... Not Jackie. Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee's thing was he wanted to bring... Enter the Dragon was

1970, I think, or 71. I believe. Anyway, we've got the Partridge family, shit. Slade, mostly shit. Osmond's gone. What do you mean Slade mostly shit? Mostly shit. Have you heard Slade? Do you know Slade was still charting in the 80s? Yeah, I told you. That was a song they released, and it's on now five, and it is god awful.

Yeah, it's real bad. Anyways, that's what I mean, mostly shit. Yeah, but they also did good until about 72. All right, but they had a better run than Oasis did. T-Rex. Yeah. You're just reading out things on the front now. That's it.

What else? You've given us this fucking stuff. I thought you might have a bit more incisive commentary. I'm trying to build up a head of steam here, Paul. All right. New Seekers. Who are the New Seekers? Terrible.

Terrible. There's nothing great from the 70s, according to Eli. And, funnily, the Monkees. And I would have thought the Monkees had already broken up by 72. No, Head came out around about that. They had a sitcom, didn't they? Yes. Well, they were.

That was the first. The show was The Monkees. They were really good musically, The Monkees. Anyway, but funny, I didn't think they'd gone that far. Elias Smith and Jones. Now, weren't they a country and western group? No, that was a western TV show. Oh.

Yeah. Hold on, isn't that... Alas, Smith and Jones. Yes. Yeah, that's where it came from. Oh, now it makes sense yeah see people do learn things

on this podcast not intentionally what happened to them Smith and Jones Smith and Jones one of them died didn't he Mel Smith died a while ago now

maybe 10 years I don't remember and if people forget he directed Bean the movie Bean and that was like a huge big international success he was also

he directed that film with Jeff Goldblum and Emma Thompson. Yeah, The Tall Guy, which is fantastic. Pretty good film, yeah. And I'll go on record as saying it's the only good Richard Curtis movie. Now, which of these gigs would you most want to go to? Oh, go on. Because we've got all these tickets here.

Slade and Status Quo. Yes, I'd go that one. No, there's other stuff here. David Cassidy. What did David Cassidy do other than his groupies? I don't know. I don't think,

I think it was a Mormon, wasn't he? No, that's the Osmonds. Were they Mormon? Yeah. Yeah, big Mormons.

I thought, oh, all right, fair enough. They still are. Well, I presume so. Big in the Mormon.

Big in the Mormon. Thin Lizzy. Oh yeah, that's a good one. David Bowie. Bowie, yeah. That's a good one. David Bowie. Bowie, yeah. What era is this Bowie then? Are we talking...

Is this... 72. This is the great era. This is the... This is just before he went a bit faux fascist. Yeah. Yeah. Did he?

Yeah. That's what the White Duke was all about, wasn't it? He did so much coke. Coke. Blame the coke. He said something like Hitler was all right or something, didn't he? He said a lot coke. Coke. Blame the coke. He said something like Hitler was alright or something, didn't he? He said a lot of shocking things.

Like he was doing characters and it was Ziggy. His next one was the... Was it the white... The white Duke. Yeah. And that was a little bit fascist.

I think he apologised for it to be fair to the guy. Yeah, of course. You know. But still, it's not as great. It's not as a terrible thing as dancing in the street

with Mick Jagger, though. Now, Bay City Rollers. Yes, though. Now, Bay City Rollers. Yes, I'd go see Bay City Rollers. No, you flipping wouldn't. If I had a girlfriend, I'd go, because that would be her favourite band. It would all smell of urine, it would. Bye, bye, baby, baby, bye, bye. That was them, wasn't it?

Yes, bye, baby. I mean, they suck. Who would you go see, then, out of that? Bowie? It would have to be. Have you not mentioned ABBA? ABBA's on there. ABBA's on there. YeahBA's on there. Yeah.

ABBA. In 72. Sex Pistols. That's a bit late, isn't it? Yeah. That would have been what I mean, it doesn't say what year. So it's not. You like ABBA, right? ABBA's good. Are we all out on that? ABBA is good but if you grew up in my household where mum listened to it all the time, every day

you kind of get tired of hearing Dancing Queen and you don't want to hear it anymore good you know what really put me off is endless tv programs from the 90s with moby saying how good at dancing queen was shut up moby what else have you got there you got what's that color tv i've got yeah so i've got there's two other ones here i've got one is uh i've got a pamphlet it says re, Rediffusion Colour. And there's a colour television. And it's basically a wooden box with a superimposed picture of a pretty lady on it.

A pretty lady with ginger hair. Nice. I can imagine it. Nice and 70s. Yeah. And she's looking quite dim here. She's got a hand on her cheek as if in, you know, she's a respectable woman. And she's looking for a nice gentleman to buy the television, obviously. I hope so.

Excuse me, does this come with the lady in it? I saw the advert and it had a lady on. Does this one come with lady? And this is how they sell it, is for clear, natural colour. Get Rediffusion. This compact television set is designed to give clear, natural colour pictures, as well as black and white. It has a 20-inch super-square direct viewing picture tube with true aspect ratio, push-button tuning and fully transistorised circuits.

Sounds quite modern. For greater reliability and lower power consumption. Picture and sound come in fast from switch-on. The cabinet of the RT537- slash 20 which is finished in a dark stained tropical olive veneer has a matching stand with smooth action casters for easy movement of a carpeted floor yeah that's it casters it's that just paints such a perfect image it's just the copy is so 70s isn't it yeah it's it's great. They've gone to sell it, and then on the back they've got the specifications of it.

It's a 20-inch super square direct viewing picture tube. I love it. 1080p. Also, it's funny, it reminded me when it says the sound and vision comes quickly after switch on. It reminds me of those old tellies. They had to warm up, didn't they? Could you hear the tube?

And it was... quickly after switch on. Yeah. It reminds me of those old tellies that they had to warm up, didn't they? Could you hear the tube? And it was... And the white dot would slowly, slowly become blankety blank. Oh, that's gone. Oh, that's gone. I'm old enough to remember our first television set that I grew up with

had push buttons on it. So you had to walk up to the TV and press the buttons on it. I was the remote control in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're the youngest, that's it, that's your job, right? I'd be sitting on the floor

and then my mum would go, ITV, and I'd get up and turn ITV on. And the four TV channels. Four. That's all we had. That's all we needed back then. Yeah. We didn't need all the thousands of channels.

I think my nan, or certainly someone in our extended family, had a TV with a coin slot in. Oh, my God. Because it was a rented TV. And so, because, you know know people couldn't afford tvs back then so places like rumble owes and things were selling renting tv sets and some of them had coin slots in like you know you'd put it in turn the dial it would work for half an hour or so that is crazy isn't it it's i mean these days they call it the next yeah you know what i mean

i there's something quite i think quite nefarious of that kind of model of like, you can have this luxury, but we're going to put it on a leash for you because we can't trust you with money, you poor people. Yes, it's totally dystopian, horrible. I was once in a bedsit. That was the electricity. There was a thing I had to put pound coins in. Yeah. It's just the way it was. I think it was because things like the HP or whatever it was coming in at the time you know where people you buy things on the high on the higher purchase

so you know you bought a vcr you know and you paid 30 quid a week or something for the rest of your life like a mortgage on it you know and then maybe you paid it off but never you know i don't see that that's what i'm really keen to ban like i want you know people's enjoyment of entertainment no no just like that that kind of evil way of you know forcing people who don't have a lot of money yeah to be able to you know that they they go i want this luxury item that everybody else has but i can't afford it but they can buy it it's exorbitant interest rate yeah and that's evil it's just yeah it's outright actual evil and in the end of the day you i mean obviously people don't have the upfront cost to

pay for those things straight out but over time you're spending much more money yeah yeah so that's it but that's how capitalism it makes it expensive to be poor yeah that's beautifully put it makes it expensive don't give him don't prop him up because companies like wonga.com and stuff like that are just this is the manifestation of of evil in the world it really is like it it should be completely outlawed. And so when I think of growing up, I never had to deal with that. But I'm just thinking of people who are like,

oh, yeah, we know that you don't have a lot. So there you go. We'll sign you up to more debt because we know you're shit with money. Oh, it's horrible. It's horrible. You've got debt. Here's more debt to get you out of the debt you've got.

And then when you deal with that debt, come back to us with this debt and we'll sort out another debt for you. Just on a tangent, I think that's why I remember having a conversation with martin coyote if you remember martin coyote's a comedian so martin was just when i started out he really helped me you know got got me helped me getting at the cutting edge at the store and he said that you know that ian is it ian hislop the guy from have i got news for you or something he goes i think he heard him talking

somewhere and how they were taught like kids who went to what is it called the kind of school he went to public school public school uh which is essentially a private school really isn't it yeah that's the weird i never understood that yeah i never got that he went to a posh school yeah so in posh schools the kids are taught that actually this is said out loud to the children in the class that you kids who go to the public school are going to grow up to become the captains of industry the prime minister the prime minister the this they you know chancellor the whatever all this stuff and all those kids over there who go to the state school are going to work for you yeah that's their lot yeah yeah and what i like i went to a state school and i loved i loved it i think it was a great experience but what we're never taught how to handle money

you're trained how to learn language and and stack shelves and do basic things we never taught how to handle money you're trained how to learn language and and stack shelves and do basic things we're not how to handle the responsibility of money um and so just this is what this when i look at this we're all enjoying you know oh how wasn't it great back in the day but it wasn't um well for many people it was horrible and i think it's an ongoing thing like not teaching state school kids how to handle money is creating problems where you have a telly with a fucking meter on it yeah you know uh also telling people they're going to be you're going to be the prime minister you're going to be the you know this is what leads to this utterly complacent bunch of corrupt assholes in the government yeah because they have their whole life they're told yeah you you've got this you can do

anything you've been born they just fail they're just yeah you you've got this you can do anything they just fail they're just and then this is what i say they fail upwards because the system around them supports it yeah but the system that supports them is not allowed for everyone else and that's why there's this mass i mean this is why when people go oh the 70s the 80s oh i remember back to the future and ghostbusters yeah they were the things that distracted you from how shit seriously how shit things were because i mean i'm a kid in the 80s and i'm and ghostbusters yeah they were the things that distracted you from how shit seriously how shit things were because i mean i'm a kid you're in the 80s and i'm like ghostbusters ah meanwhile my mom's like doing two jobs my dad's working nights i don't see them in the evenings and it's like oh i forget that so yeah i know that the 70s and 80s was awful the three-day weeks the

garbage not picked up for months the power cuts and things like that this is the sugar coating which is just to kind of distract you from the fact that maybe we'll not learn our lessons if we're keeping ourselves distracted by slightly ephemeral stuff. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'm not saying they're inherently bad, but I think certainly from this day and age, we seem to be leaning on more on pop culture as a comfort blanket, a security blanket,

than actually something that we need to use to inspire people to change how they see the world. Without any studio film now has a an agenda yeah you know look at look at look at how china is strong-armed hollywood you're not saying that yeah and then john cena mr muscles is out there apologizing in mandarin crazy i'm like i mean it's it's interesting because yeah it's it's not to demonize china but like because of their economy hollywood you know bending towards their will at times means and this is just the example i can only associate with ghostbusters can never get released in china because they have a no supernatural policy in all their films now

and also no time travel they won't have films based around time travel i find that particularly sort of orwellian yeah no super so you can't have Ghostbusters, so what about Transformers, which they did in China? Yeah, well, Transformers is fine. It's technologically supernatural. They're aliens. It's robots, isn't it? It's aliens. It's not too dissimilar

to what they're used to in their pop culture. But look, Ghostbusters, Answer the Call, never got released. I don't think this new one's going to get released in China anyway, and that's a big cut

into the profits. I find it fascinating the whole time travel being banned because it's like the Chinese Communist Party saying... Well, Tianan party saying well gentleman square never yes we want to have the control of of time so even the concept of being able to mess with time that's too dangerous we don't want only we can say what the history was it's going to fall apart so hard like you can't control people for you know it's well china's history is fascinating it's something i'm trying

to learn about at the moment like i've got a book i've got a big book on mao and like why he became like he's a he's a regular person who rose to power like i was telling you earlier i was watching this thing on netflix on how to become a tyrant and it's about all the tyrants worrying that well last night it was about idi amin who threw my parents out of uganda where he went oh all these asians they own all the businesses and they did yeah right But it's not because they were nefarious and evil. It's just because they were hardworking and knew what they were doing. And so they all had 90 days to leave with nothing.

And they came here and Britain took them in. And we live superior lives now. So really, we kind of landed on our feet in a much better society. And Uganda, all the Ugandans then took those businesses, didn't know how to run them, and everything collapsed. It's funny when you create a vacuum and you don't have the infrastructure

to fill in it's like that's what kind of happened to Iraq Americans came in everybody out Saddam's gone that's episode two of How To Be A Tyrant

yeah in fact I'll just mention this because I don't want to get into Iraq too much but like if you ever listen to the Dollop episode about Iraq it's like a two hour

it's like a two and a half hour episode the Dollop it's a podcast the Dollop yeah and they talk about the fallout of the Iraq war fascinating

great podcast one of the most depressing throws of my life one of the worst things that ever happened it's just horrible Iraq war yeah

should I talk about Basil Brush now no no I just wanted to say one thing on China one thing about China yeah they never had

democracy in China right yeah Guns N' Roses said they did and I heard this this guy on a podcast One thing about China. Yeah. They never had democracy in China, right? Yeah. Guns N' Roses said they did. And I heard this guy on a podcast. Took a while, but eventually they did say that. I heard this guy on this podcast saying there could be literally like ecological reasons why it never arose. Because he was saying in China, it's easier to administrate taxes so because um the land is all very similar you can it's easier for

you to calculate how much grain yeah has been grown in a certain area so you can it's easier for you to administrate the tax right it's all kind of micromanaged so it's you can just it's easier to do and so it's easier to have an authoritarian autocratic system because you can do it there because of the because of the way the uniformity of the the grain the uniformity of the land the consistency of it and so it's all these reasons they're saying like ecological reasons why certain systems arise in certain parts of the world and not in others whereas if you're in europe there's some guy who lives on a hill and he's in a mountain you can't tell how much wealth he's got. So it's harder for you to judge.

So everyone has to have a seat at the table there. Do you see them? It's harder to govern, harder to be autocratic. And there's also this, the universe in the universe, there is a everything, everything,

but you know, duality left, right, up, down, black, white. So if you have democracy over here, you have to have a dictatorship somewhere else. Left, right, up, down, black, white. So, yin and yang. So, if you have democracy over here,

you have to have a dictatorship somewhere else. Like, it's impossible for something not to exist. Like, once an idea exists... That's why you saw that shit. Right. There's that. But anyway, I think we're going to go to war with China. Keep it at me, come on!

This has been our best episode ever. We're too old, so we're going to be in the flipping drone room right using our video game skills um that's the big conspiracy xbox one and playstation 5 we're just trading on next army majors and it's a it's a real it's a real shame like i've just been doing a little bit of research on chinese history and it's fascinating just as a culture of people as they have they've invented everything yeah anything you can think of the chinese did it first and big powder noodles you know it's like that classic combination it's a big one no it is a big one yeah so probably the greatest achievement in human history basically so you've heard it here first imran yusuf is calling

war on china we're gonna do Sabre rattling on the cheap show. I've been there. I managed to go there. I managed to visit mainland China, Hong Kong twice, and mainland China once. Nice. Man, it's fascinating, but it's scary where we're going with it. But anyway, Basil Brush.

Basil Brush. Because I was going to go into the safe way. What's the noise of the Chinese bombs? I've got a Basil Brush pamphlet when he was performing at the Victoria Palace oh who else is on the oh

Burt Whedon we all love a bit of Burt oh Burt yeah I remember Burt Whedon do you remember Burt Whedon no no one is I think Burt Whedon was like a guitarist

wasn't he really yes and he so he just comes on halfway through a pantomime and goes ah here's my guitar

it was like a guitar he taught people to play guitar like a John Williams kind of guy my guitar. It was like a guitar. He taught people to play guitar. Like a John Williams kind of guy. No, I think he was like a guitar educator. Ah, weird. I mean, I know Bobby Crush because he used to go to the piano. Oh, I didn't know.

And there's also Tony Venner, Howard Williams, Jan Hunt, and Les Dougles? Dougles? God knows. I don't know who any of those guys are. But we all know who Basil Brush is. We certainly do. That's sadly the biggest name on the fucking bill.

There's some big names on the back there. Oh, on the back. Here at the Ashcroft Theatre in Fairfield Croydon. Oh, nice. John Pertwee. We all know John Pertwee. At Freddie Davies. Oh, this is the Jack and the Beanstalk panto.

Oh, yes. The Jack and the Beanstalk. And Mark Winter with a Y. Bob Grant. Nerys Hughes. Nerys Hughes, I knew because she was the... Is that a Welsh name? No, she was in the Liverbirds,

the old Carla Lane sitcom about two Scouse girls. Bob Grant, I believe, was on the buses. You know, the big toothy guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Robert Aldis. Aldi. Robert Aldi. Whenever I saw the Liverbirds...

I don't know. Whenever I saw the Liverbirds, I thought't know. Whenever I saw the liver birds, I thought the liver birds and I thought of birds that peck out people's livers. That would be better than watching the liver birds. No, that's that Greek guy

who gets... Prometheus, is it? He gets his liver regrows every day. Yeah, and he's pecked by vultures. And he gets pecked out. I wanted to segue... Is that the Greek god Prometheus? Yes.

He gets his liver picked out. Yeah. For challenging the gods for fire. He challenged the gods and then the gods went, right, for eternity, you're going to be chained to this rock and a bird will come and peck your liver out. That will fucking teach you for fire. And then it will regrow.

But then what if he killed the bird? And then his liver would regrow, but even though it was already grown and then he'd have this huge liver coming out. Just one big liver. What did this have to do with Ridley Scott's film? Nothing. That had nothing to do with anything.

I was just going to end with this. It's the EMI preview of films coming to your local cinema. This isn't from Ipswich. So in 78, 79, you could look forward to Grease. Shivers and Rabid was a double bill. That is pretty excellent I mean, full on I don't know if you could handle Rabid after Shivers

Here's one I didn't know Have you ever heard of this? It must be a live show Oh no, it's not Billy Connolly in Big Banana Feet Just says, cinemas in Granada TV area till December Yeah, he had a film Big Banana Feet

It was called Bananas It says Big Banana Feet. It was called Bananas. It says Big Banana Feet here in the movie. Well, it must have been an alternate title. Do you know Billy Colony is also... Billy Colony? Connolly. Billy's Connolly. He's also an artist.

Oh, yeah, very good one. And I've seen his artwork, not only in some of these galleries that you find in Westfields, but also at the Manchester Comedy Store backstage. They've bought a bunch of his artwork. Wow. It's all just black line drawing

of figures and stuff. I still think he's the UK's best stand-up. Easily. I just think there's nothing like him. Is he the UK's best or Scotland's best? No, the UK's. He belongs to the UK, not just Scotland. He's definitely Scotland's best. I presume. It's that whole thing of when a Scottish person to the uk not just scotland okay he's definitely scotland's best i presume i don't really pay

attention that whole thing of like when a scottish person does well they're british and when they don't do so it's like andy murray they're not too well then there's i would go further i'd say he's one of the best stand-ups of all time yeah well this is interesting when you think someone's i've been like i've studied stand-up a lot i've put a lot of effort into understanding it and trying to get good at it and what and i've seen people who've put in a lot of time got really good people who've been good from like you know early on and all it really is all you can learn the mechanics of it of like how to tell the joke you know stage presence audience but ultimately at its core truly great stand-up is about you is about self-expression that's all it

is yeah it's not about your clever words you know know, it's not trying to, oh, well, let me expand my vocabulary. It's just you truly being who you are. And you can't learn that except it just gets released. And it's always... I remember watching Bethany Black in Edinburgh in 2018. And, you know, I'd never seen her perform.

Oh, right. I'd never seen her perform. I don't think I'd ever seen her perform at all. And I went to watch her show. And I went into a world that i didn't know about which is her life yeah yeah and and i remember just walking away just going she truly knows her life and who she's like really good at expressing who she is yeah it's not about the cleverness of you know sure there's good crafted jokes it's just the honesty isn't it yeah that's all it is and that's all any comedian has to unlock it's not there's good crafted jokes. It's just the honesty, isn't it? Yeah, that's all it is. And that's all any comedian has to unlock.

There's so many things that you have to learn. But the true magic is in unlocking what you really want to say and who you really are. Yeah. And being apologetic about it. My favourite stand-ups are all the ones who are good storytellers. So Billy Connolly, one of the best.

Les Dawson, one of the best. Jasper Carrot. Jasper Carrot's a great storyteller. Meg Allen. Victoria Wood. You know what I mean? It's like great storytellellers who even if they don't make you laugh for five minutes you're sitting there going yeah and then at the end of the day he says jobby and i go that's what i wanted right let's move on okay it's the fucking price of shot it's the fucking price of

shot oh it's the fucking price of shot it's a fucking price of shotite It's the fucking price of shite Oh it's the fucking price of shite It's the fucking price of shite And that's right Ah I didn't do it very well Do you know what that noise is called Paul? A boink Poit A poit

Poit I can't go further She's hurting the lips when I do it I can't For some reason I can't Alright No one needs this I can do it better

No one needs it I don't need this That's the poit He's in a con. All right. No one needs this. I can do it better. No one needs it. I don't need this. That's the point. It's like being in a Tudor corridor, this. It is. You can do it. Oh, that was a good one.

No, your one sounds proper. Yeah, he's got the real sort of drip in a cave. But then, you know, if you do it for too long, you do get a bunch of the Rolfs coming in. And then it's not wobbling things and it all gets a little bit... That's not making a noise. It's not.

And that's why I quickly put it down, Eli. So thanks for bringing that in. That's just flapping paper. Rolf Harris wasn't known for flapping... You could join... What is that?

What was that? You could join today. Rolf's Cartoon Club.. Rolls Cartoon Club. Rolls Cartoon Club. I used to love that show. Spoiled forever. I've got the book somewhere. I actually wrote to him to go, like, I want to be on the show.

But they shot it in Birmingham and I'm from London. That was never going to happen. Probably a good thing. What we're doing right now is we're playing The Price of Shite. And that is right. And that is where we go to a charity shop. We buy a bunch of items. And then you, as our guest, will have're playing the price of shine and that is right and that is where we go to a charity shop we buy a bunch of items and then you as our guest will have to guess the price now usually what happens is it's a bit more free-for-all you see an item you have a rough guess of the price based on charity shops we're going to go easy on you this time all right so what we've got here are

five prices right and you'll be asked to attach one of these prices to one of the items that you're about to see okay we're going to go through the items first looking discussing touching breathing kissing loving holding loving we're going to start with this one all these were bought in charity shops like british heart foundation mind sue rider sorry what rules are we playing here we're playing the one where you see five items then i give you five prices and you attach the price to the item me the prices no i'm giving you nothing almost, I'm giving you nothing. Almost literally, I'm giving you nothing. Okay, I knew that. You are here now as an expert, because you know... I'm an expert.

So you can give advice, maybe, alright? Oh, I will. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Usually, you know, we work for petwings, which is what we call points here on the show, a nice petwing. You will get petwings, don't get me wrong. For everyone you correctly attach to the item, you'll get a betwing

it means nothing but you get to hear us say betwing I like saying betwing I'm going to say betwing more often betwing is there a possibility

of him scoring no betwings at all there's a very good opportunity alright then I'm going to add a little bit of spice into this

Imran I've got this lovely Mario pin badge you're playing for it I'm playing for it you need one per twing. No, at least three.

Three per twings gets the badge. One, you could get lucky and win it. And I'm not giving him a badge out of luck. I want to give him the badge anyway, Paul. At least dress it up with some bloody edge and we can throw in some things at the end. Get the badge, whatever, but let's say three per twings. So, I want that badge.

That is a really nice badge. Yeah. You can't hate having guests on our show. They always take the good shit. God damn it. Anyway, so here we are. Five items all bought from charity shops, and they're all because you're a video games fan,

all with a video games theme. So here is the first item for you. Say what you see. video games theme so here is the first item for you say what you see uh this is a nintendo ds copy of fifa of fifa 2008 now don't worry because they're all the fucking same and they just this is an american version this is that's why it's called soccer on the front which is a disgusting word disgusting word uh and the game is in there oh there's also a space in the ds case for a gameboy advance cartridge because they could handle both originally, the DS, couldn't they? You could put a DS.

Yeah, if you've got the OG DS, yeah. I used to always have the Incredibles in there because I never played the Incredibles, but someone gave me that game. Not a really good story, I'm sorry. So, yeah, this is a pre-owned copy of Nintendo. So I'd imagine this is going to be super cheap because what I've noticed is that any time you go to computer exchange the the previous fifas yeah are like a penny they're like next to nothing because nobody wants the previous version of their own fault fault if you're churning out a fifa

every year and the game barely changes well that's the business model isn't it fine but it keeps up with the sport isn't that what's new usually it's new players just about the new players that they've tarted up the engine a little bit more. It depends. Maybe it's been every few years. I've never liked FIFA. In fact, I liked ISS originally, and then I just prefer playing football. Playing football is far more fun.

For me, I was very fond of the FIFA on the Mega Drive. I remember playing that all the time. And I'm not a sports person, but I do remember having fun playing FIFA 96 or whatever it was called on the Mega Drive. Oh, on the 95, I think it was 95 i think i liked on the mega drive it was ultimate football um i found my brother i think had that i don't know who made it but it just felt right i didn't care about what the names were and all that nonsense no the control if the mechanics are right that's what yeah that's the thing yeah who cares the fake game's always

more fun because you're always called like Fulchester United. Name a famous footballer. Maradona. Maradona. It'd be like A. Arradona or something. It'd just be a slight change. And also,

what I really liked on those 16-bit games was all the sound effects of the crowd. Yeah. I remember the song from, do you remember Striker? And then there was World Cup Striker. Yeah, vaguely. World Cup Striker. do you remember Striker and then there was World Cup Striker yeah vaguely World Cup Striker

World Cup I want an album full of all those awful video game theme tunes just like 30 second snippets would just be enough to give you the itch FIFA Soccer, you don't have to give us a price now you don't have to attach yourself to anything but at a rough guess, what do you think that might be cost?

Might be cost. That would be under a quid. Might be cost. Under a quid. Under a quid. All right, next item then. FIFA, I always used to have to watch my drug dealers play FIFA while I waited for them to sell me drugs.

Okay. So you go around there. After the goal? Why don't they pause it? You go around there and they're like, this is a really important match. It's like, fuck's sake. Just give me my drugs and stop playing fucking FIFA.

I'm looking at your mum. She's just in the kitchen reading a paper or something and I'm sort of standing in the doorway. It's imaginary. Are you allowed to? All right, okay. Of course it didn't happen. I'm just trying to say something, Paul.

Sometimes. It's my expert. That's my expert thing. No, it's good. Thank you for telling us all about your sad moments picking up weed from weird houses on estates. He never said weed. He said drugs.

That's true. It was parasitical. Vague. Now, let's have the next item. Next item is for you. I can say what you see. It's on a football theme still. Oh, it's a...

Oh, hello. This is a metal pin badge of Kickoff 3. Yeah. Weirdly, when I mentioned this to someone because I showed the badges that I bought from Camden, a lot of people get into arguments about what are the best Kickoff games. I was like, I don't fucking care. You know who made Kickoff, right?

Go on. Isn't it Dino Dini? Oh, maybe. Yeah, I worked with him. Oh, really? Yeah. I worked with him on Squeebles, the DS. Squeebles?

Squeebles. You could be making this up and I have no idea. What was Squeebles? Squeebles was a game uh so it was originally when i said originally it was meant to be for the xbox 360 uh i was working for a company called performance design products right um no they bought out into games and became and they said into games working into games got bought out by performance design products uh and they were had a game where basically they there was a new controller an ultrasonic controller which was using uh ultrasonic sound waves from a receiver that you plugged into the front of your xbox or playstation uh so you could

get actual 3d positional data on the controller oh so knew where your hand in the controller exactly where it was like the orientation or like if you had it upside down like with the with the wee remote yeah you have to get as accurate reading. And I think Microsoft were about to buy them out, and then suddenly Microsoft went cold and went, we don't want this anymore. And then they announced their Kinect, right? Oh, that's why then.

And so then what happened is Squeeballs then just got onto, it was just for the Wii and for the DS. And it was basically a party game, just a party game for kids. And Dino Dini worked on the ds version and i used to after doing a gig i'd come home at like midnight i'd be freelancing and i wouldn't because my adrenaline's pumping i'll just get on the computer dino's up and he's like i've got the latest build i'd download it i would do like the preliminary tests on the code to make sure that it worked yeah set the test plan up for my coat for my testers in the morning email it to them and then i'd go to bed right and

so nine o'clock my testers are working i'm still in bed them, and then I'd go to bed. And so 9 o'clock, my testers are working, I'm still in bed until noon. Were the squeebles an actual sort of race of funny creatures? Yes, they were. They were mainly based on, there was a fish one, and there was, yeah, they were kind of animalistic. And yeah, you could abuse them. You could, like, throw them at stuff.

You could abuse them. You're getting visibly excited. In an okay way, in an acceptable abuse way. I wouldn't want to give hard abuse to a squeeble. Except for the abuse. But it's out there. It's called Squeeble's Party, available for the Wii and for the Nintendo DS.

Nice, well done. And that was the last game I actually worked on, yeah. But anyway this is a... But anyway, here's a Kickoff 3 badge. Yeah. A Kickoff 3 pin badge. It's metal. And I'd imagine this would be, yeah, this would be like 50p. Oh, okay.

Next item is... Is that a football-related video game? No, not this. Fine, here's the next one. Oh, hello. It's a book. Oh, a Minecraft book. A beginner's handbook.

Yeah. And it's in good nick as well. It's in very good nick. Minecraft, the block building game where you live in a world with blocks and you make blocks. Yeah. You can enslave a bunch of villagers. What are you obsessed with?

Slaving characters? I'm not obsessed. Abusing squeebels? I'm not obsessed. He said abused. You could abuse them. I was simply having a conversation i didn't say out of nowhere could you abuse the squeebles it was a very leading question when you

were going tell me more about these squeebles there's certain because it's like an open world game minecraft of course there's ways you can get enslave people and just kill them and it generates tokens or something oh my god either way it's a guide to playing Minecraft for the first time. Charity shop, find. Well, the price on here is £7.99. But in a charity shop, I'd imagine this would be... You ever played Minecraft? I've not actually played Minecraft.

Oh yeah, I tried it on my phone. How was that? Anyway, join us next week for more video game reviews. If you're in a charity shop, that's eight quid You know, a couple of quid But the thing is, the interesting thing about charity shops is There are types of things you find in them

And I find Minecraft books Ten a penny there It's so huge, it must be one of the most popular video games of all time One of the very biggest, yeah And also, weirdly, you've got to remember People just churning out shit to cash in on it Unofficial guidebooks, official guidebooksbooks this when they do the spin-offs guidebooks i remember when i worked at game back in the late 90s early noughties um a game would come out and people go

right i've just bought this brand new game it's 10 out of 10 got great reviews i buy it and as they buy it they also buy the unofficial strategy yeah i'm like, no. Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? Explore it a bit first. Maybe I'm being a bit elitist, but maybe because I'm a proper gamer. Oh, boo! Proper gamers only. Like, enjoy the game. Like, imagine watching, you know,

I'm going to watch the latest movie and I'm going to read the script at the same time and find out what's going to happen. That's weird, yeah. Because I used to write guides for games when I worked for, like, 64 Magazine and then Power Station Magazine. And it was interesting because like we'd go,

well, what game's been out for a few months that we can give a guide to? And then we just reached out to the publishers and then they would just go, here's all the maps, here's all the locations and things. And it was my job to kind of play through using this information so I could say, right, it's just because then you have to go,

you get the red key and then you go back four rooms and go up the ladder, down the ladder, through the key chain, back to there. And then you get a respawn point and then a save there. Is it like spoilers? Because I'm not a proper gamer, right? So if you bought the new game and you bought the guide with it, it's like having a spoiler.

Yeah, it's telling you how to beat the challenges rather than you actually beating it. Finding out how to do it, yeah. All video games really are are just puzzles. every video game is actually just really a puzzle for you to use your own ingenuity to overcome right it's uh and that's what you should do if you're just cheating what's i don't get it yeah well the thing is it's not i wouldn't even say it's cheating it just seems to me that you're losing the sense of discovery yes because like you know you see a guy to mario odyssey and you think oh i'm gonna buy that it's like oh no the fun of my fun from it has just been going that's cool oh that's odd

oh that's cool oh i can do that now so i personally feel there needs to be like a gateway drug game for kids so you know you give a kid a game that they can play and fun around with and there's no real danger but they get to know the basics so then eventually they get to things like eventually they get on onto heroin eventually they start doing crack I didn't say heroin what eventually it's a gateway drug game so eventually they get on to something that destroys their lives

I'm not literally talking about a drug I'm not obviously talking about drugs I'm talking about the idea of a gateway to get into gaming next item it's another book fascinating one i'll tell you the story about how i found this book so people who know me know i kind of live and let live with religions and that's fine but when i was waiting in line to get this book there

was a guy who goes hmm my nephew's turning 10 i want to get him a really good book are there any holy bibles here for him to read i think he really needs to read the holy bible and i'm like all right age 10 yeah it was it was like i don't know if my uncle came to me on my birthday and goes here's a holy bible i would be like come on at least give me a fucking give me noah's ark for the super illustrated bible or a comic it was the one he bought was a really thick gray miserable looking one you know that looked like something you hit a child with just misbehaving anyway so he's doing all this god spiel and i think the guy behind the camera is being very very nice and saying yep yep yep yep yep all of that stuff he buys his book but then continues to carry on talking and what's he saying how he wants to he wants his child to

he wants his nephew to i mean no it was more like he was looking around going look at that flower how could how could that happen by accident oh right he was trying to argue for the existence of god in the bookshop yes sorry besides all of that in the bookshop either way that guy's being polite but he wants to move on there's a queue forming behind me of people so i got tired of waiting so in front of this god-loving man i slapped down this book porn and pong yeah oh wow that's a that's a how grand theft auto tomb raider and other sexy games change our culture by damon brown forward by john m gibson it's a book i'm actually generally interested to read about how sex and video games have had this contentious relationship oh yeah inside to my mom

my support to jane my guide and to peril my love i think he's written for playboy or something damon brown covers sex technology and pop culture for playboy new york post and planet out he can be seen at blah blah blah yeah and so uh this would be interesting yeah this is um well well hello there's a naked woman uh in well there's a lot of naked yeah oh and how so no these are naked women in video games yeah hold on no but that's a different book i've given him, right? Don't tell him. Tomb Raider, that's a classic, isn't it? She's not naked, but they've got like,

you know, Dead or Alive. The women from Dead or Alive have all got big boobs and bounces. They're actually topless. So that's from God of War 2. Yeah. Leisure suit,

leisure suit, leisure, leisure, leisure suit Larry. Leisure suit Larry. Leisure suit Larry. Yeah. Again, but I think it even goes back to, what was it, Custer's Revenge.

There was that Atari one. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Custer's Revenge. Where he's got his willy. Yeah. And he's shooting spunkers. Oh, that's it, Custer's Revenge. There you go. Well, there's Beat Em and Eat Them, where you're a man jacking off on a building

and then you come into the floor and the women below try and catch it. That's an Atari game. Oh, that's slightly different. That's too much. But I think it's the same publisher. So ultimately, this,mx triple x let me tell a little story about bmx triple and do it so that was i think the last game that basically put a claim in the ground i seem to remember it was kind of like rock yeah bmx triple x was porn and um and bmx yeah like a kind of tony hawks kind of thing yeah so what happened and interesting story about Tony Hawk so I used to work at Midway and um who was it uh is it Neversoft and Treyarch who made Tony

Hawk's was it Neversoft Activision published it yeah it was uh the Treyarch so the developer bought Tony Hawk's to Midway and went would you want to publish this yeah but that was it Reflections you made Driver so Driver and Tony Hawks came to Midway and went, published our games. And Midway went, no. Really? They went on to sell a bajillion copies. It's one of the biggest ever, isn't it? Driver and Tony Hawks.

Massive sellers. And then Midway went, oh, these games are actually very good and we should have published them. Right, let's start developing games that can compete with these now so we can turn up two years late to their sequel this is where they came up with the bmx porn thing no no this is uh it was a claim and it was in nero so in that game basically you can you do bmx tricks and the better you do you can unlock naked riders and actual pornography in the bonus features that's mad though the pr event was

basically strippers so in order for the big PR event, and a couple of guys who worked at Midway were like, we've got tickets, we've got to go. There's going to be naked women and beer there. And that was the end of acclaim. That was after that. We never saw them again. But what's fascinating still, and there's plenty of pictures. Can I keep this?

If you really want. Ultimately, sex is the ultimate. Nakedness and sex is the ultimate power over humans like you know it's just floor you just can't get enough because it's basic it's it's just cool within us yeah and so you can apply it to anything video games uh tv adverts whatever you sexualize anything it's going to gain attention and video games have found a way to do it like customers revenge it's just filth it's just disgusting it's a base gain attention and video games have found a way to do it like customers revenge it's just filth it's just disgusting it's a base and i tend to find in video games it never works sex because it's either so robotic and forced and narrative driven that you're just pressing

buttons and it's a weird thing to do yeah or it's a pointless thing you add into a game for shock value to make it edgy that's what i think no but that's what i was going to say isn't there you know with some of the more narrative games isn't there sort of a an argument to be made that there's a you know a sex scene like you would have in a film like there's a yeah yeah but in a film they are real human beings that look real and because they are weird uncanny valley yeah yeah exactly that that's I'm just like what the this is just not right it's the idea though where it's like you've got to have

an action film but because there's too many sexy beefy men we don't want them to sound gay so you better give one a love interest

and a sex scene halfway through the film because that's what the audience will need to get through this is what I hate about studio and like made by

what is it made by committee like art like Midway did this we made red card football yeah right so we knew that EA are making loads of money making we knew that ea are making loads of money making fifa uh over there uh konami making loads

of money making uh pro evo midway made loads of money making nfl blitz and nhl hits and you know whatever something shits right and they're like how can we get into the football market and then they were like we want to make an over-the-top football game and we made it by committee the americans like we're going to make it and you asked americans what to do with the soccer game it's an american company yeah so they came over here and we hired out a what you call focus group company yeah got a bunch of young lads into a room and we watched them from one of those creepy mirrors and they're just all talking shit and you know we're just taking notes whereas artists should create art like game designers should create a game don't get a bunch of kids like steve jobs quite famously said people don't know what they want until you show it to them yeah

right and and that's why red card came out and then you never heard of it again because it was just all about how can we make money from that market rather than how can we create an interesting you know game and an interesting there's a balance with films. There's a balance. You have creative directors and writers who will change the film based on the preview screenings or whatever. That's part of the course. That's sort of a feedback. There's a receipt in there.

I don't want to look at the price. That's all right. Leave it there. They're on the floor. Okay. No cheating. I didn't look at it. I didn't look at it.

I didn't know the receipt was in there. The petwings are holy and the petwings will only be bestowed. I didn't see the price. I didn't know the receipt was in there. The Petwings are holy, and the Petwings will only be bestowed. Yeah, I didn't see the price. I'm just looking at the pictures of... Yeah, of course you're just looking at the pictures. Oh, that's an actual sex scene. That's the hot coffee minigame in Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas Rocks. Drew Eyre from Senator Hill.

Oh, yeah, of course it is. But the thing about that is that was something that was in the game originally and then removed before general release, but the code was still in the game. So people were complaining about something that people had hacked to find. But this is the problem, is that I tend to find sex is dealt with in a really either robotic way or distance immature way.

A sort of giggly sort of way. And I don't understand why video games are trying to be more like movies these days. Let me ask you that. Let me ask you this. Tic-Tac-Toe, have they sexed that up? Well, there's a song called Tic-Tac-Toe about sex. Is it? Yeah, an, there's a song called Tic-Tac-Toe about sex. Is it? Yeah, an 80s one.

I can't remember the artist now. Is that rapper guy? Yeah, it's that rapper guy who did Tic-Tac-Toe. I can't remember. It was sampled, Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes. Oh, weird. There you go. Anyway, last item.

Okay. Because we've rattled on about porn not long enough and too long at the same time. Well, we're coming back to my Shedden experience. Here's the last item. Melty Den. It's a tea mug of, what is it? You're my favourite, don't tell anyone. Who is this character?

See, this is the thing I didn't know. I was looking for one item that wasn't a fucking video game book. And I saw this mug and I thought, is that what I think it is? It's a video game. So I scanned it with Google Lens and it said it's from Destiny. It's a homemade Destiny mug. Oh, right. So it's a Destiny mug. What's Destiny? It's a homemade Destiny mug. Oh, right. So it's a Destiny mug.

What's Destiny? It's a video game. I don't know. It's one of those, I think Destiny is, is it that? It's one of those always online

co-op fighty game things. Oh, massive online. Yeah. I was going to say, what I was going to say about Minecraft, what I was going to say about Minecraft is

it doesn't seem as sort of evil as something like Fortnite where they get people to buy virtual skins. you basically you can play it basic but if you really want to have fun you've got to pay money right so you've seen the five items here are the five prices all right we start with 50p then we have one pound 150 175 and then two pound 50 so eli's here to help if you think you need his help. But let's start with 50p.

50p, what do you think was 50p? This is what you could win. Look at this lovely enamel pin portraying Mario. That's what you're playing for today. That is very nice, Mario pin. So this is a 50p on the Kickoff 3 badge because it's so small and dinky. Right, okay, good. Now, at the end of this, you can revise your scores if you want. How many betwinks does he get?

One per twink per correct association Is that it? One per twink That's all But then if he gets all five right He'll get to the badge And I'll give him a handjob So I think that's

Don't go, er It's pretty fucking good, my handjobs Who cares? No one wants your bloody handjobs I'm not a fan of handjobs Well, don't say that Well, don't say that. Well, don't give anyone one then.

Anyway, £1. What do you think was £1 off this? You got all these items, books, games. What was £1? Just for clarity, you got £1.50 next and £1.75.

So, it's a tough one. What's the top price? £2.50. £2.50. But what would be the £2.50 price? I don't know. I mean, I do.

I wrote them down. I've got a thought. I'll just remind you, Imran, you said about a quid for FIFA, didn't you? I did, but remember that's... Less than a quid, you said. Yeah, I did say that. However, that's at computer exchange. I don't know if charity shops have

the same pricing structure. I will say they're much cheaper in charity shops i've seen people give away for xbox 360 games for like a quid 150 they're all sports games though you know they're all like fifa 7 or hockey because they've got that building of the lessons that we were talking about yeah so it's i mean eli doesn't know the prices by the way only i do so i do not know i'm here as an impartial expert yeah in a charity shop they would look at that and go how much is that good would that i don't know whether they go how much is a charity shop, they would look at that and go, how much is that? I don't know,

would they go, how much is that a compute change? They might look online how much it is. 50p, I would say. There's no consistency amongst these charity shops.

You know what, I'm going to swap it. Oh, you're swapping it. Put the 50p on the FIFA. Right. And one pound for the badge. The kick-off badge. No, I think because

it's kick-off three, it's a little bit more like, collectory. I don't know about that. We got it from a wall of badges in Camden, so I don't think there's anything... There was no difference.

There was no prestigious... I'll give you a little... They were all... Very cheap. All the same price. All right, OK. All the badges. I think you should keep your first one,

but the 50p badge. You want Mario, don't you? OK. We don't like to upset her. I'm going to put a pound on FIFA. Okay, cool. Next one is £1.50. What do you think was £1.50?

The remaining items. We've got the Porn and Pong book. We've got the mug. In terms of value, so on the mug, I'll put £1.50 on the mug. All right. Because I think the books are going to be the high. All right, well, then you've got £1.75. What is £1.75?

You've got the Minecraft book and the porn book. What's the next price? 250. It's a big jump up. One is a hardback and one is a softback. Yeah, so I think the 175 for the softback. And then 250 for the hardback. 250 for the hardback.

Right. I reckon. Could be. You've locked in. I think you've done well there. I think you've locked in five prices. Now, I'm going to give you one choice now to swap any prices around. Now, I will don't do the badge don't do the badge

on the bloody badge yeah all right you know what i think maybe 150 on the fifa and pound for the mug that's good you're gonna keep that i think that's a good swap all right well then it's time to reveal the betwings oh you've scored at least one. Yes, we can give you that. Right. We made sure of that. We'll go in order of price. Okay.

So 50p. In this instance, you said it was the Pim badge. Yeah. It was 50p. Per-twing. One per-twing. Now, can he get two more to win that illustrious Mario Pim badge? I'm on tenderhooks.

Right. Number, what was, then what was one pound? One pound. Okay. So what was one pound? You put it on the? On the Destiny mug. Oh.

Oh, no. You were right to. It was one pound. Oh, yes. Two for twinks. I've got a bit of tarot going on. Right. Here we go.

All right. Right. Next item. He's doing very well so far. It's one pound 50. Now, you put that on the DS game. Yeah, on the FIFA 08. You say £1.50 for FIFA DS. We say £1.50 for DS Nintendo FIFA game.

Free between. Yes, you've got the badge. It's all gravy from here. The badge is safe. It's all gravy. It's pure extra between gravy from here. Between gravy. I have to say, I hope you get some gravy between.

Sloppy gravy between. £1.75, you said, was the Porn and Pong book? Yeah. Sadly, no. That was £2.50, the most expensive book here. Was the Porn and the Pong. From Oxfam, by the way, were they slightly overpriced books. They do.

And Minecraft was £1.75. My dad works at Oxfam. Oh, way, were they slightly overpriced books. They do. And Minecraft was £1.75. My dad works at Oxfam. Oh, the one in Kentish. Yeah, which used to make sense is that it should have been that way round because there would have been loads of these. Yeah, that's unusual. It's sort of a small thing, yeah. But three out of five ain't bad, as Meatloaf wants kind of some.

You know what? I just said my dad worked at Oxfam and no one picked up on that because that's what you used to insult people with in the playground when you were a child, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your mum works at Oxfam. Exactly. That was...

No, you wear Oxfam. That was the thing. Blashing the shapes at Oxfam. What is it? What is it? So-and-so shops at Tesco's where they buy all their best clothes. La, la, la.

La, la, la. The thing is, back in the day, you buy your clothes at Oxfam, don't you? These days, it's like, where did you get that from? Oxfam. La, la, la. La, la, la. The thing is, back in the day, he's like, oh, you buy your clothes at Oxfam, don't you? These days, it's like, where'd you get that from? Oxfam.

Oh, very nice. I got this shirt from Oxfam. Because we're older now, we know that it's not a stigma. Yeah. Although, I don't think I've ever shopped in a charity shop.

I don't think I have. I'm not too sure. Oh, the most horrible thing, Ian Stone went into a charity shop and he found an SS uniform. And I'm like, he took a picture of it and I'm like and it was 75 quid was it a bargain yeah yeah yeah like whoa and it was it was the coat and i'm like oh and it was 75 quid and i and he was going and he went i thought i'd

buy it as a joke i'm like no you don't don't do that and it was me just going there going like i was like burn the shop down like start a fight you know what happened though right it was like oh granddad just died oh lovely granddad we've got to go through his house and clean this stuff out and it's like oh he's a chest yeah and it's like human skull human skull ss costume with a fucking copy of razzle and it's like granddad telescopic truncheon in Leicester Square there's some dodgy in Leicester Square just next to

Leicester Square Station there's the antique shop that sell like all kinds of old stuff and they've got like Nazi ration books and Nazi pin badge and I'm there going

is this allowed? I mean if it rolls up at a charity shop and people don't know what it is particularly because it happens then fair enough however running out of time

so Eli would you like to now bestow Imran with his prize which is the beautiful Mario enamel pin badge? There you go. Oh, thank you so much. It's a good quality pin badge.

It's a nice one, yeah. I'm trying to look at the marking there. 83, I think it says. Yeah, let me see. Well, why are you fucking about looking at how old the badge is? I'm going to wrap this motherfucker up. Oh, yeah. I don't know what I'm doing.

Oh, yeah! I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, yeah! 82 was the age of the badge, Eli says. 82, which would have been what? Before the NES and Super Mario Land for the nes right so this is real old mario it's good real old mario anyway that's all we've got time for on cheap show this week oh thank you so much imran for being our guest today on the show hopefully you're not too traumatized i turned up here and i got a mario and a really nice mario pin it's really nice everyone seems to go away with something a little bit nice anyway we're gonna do the wrap up because

it's six o'clock and we've got to get out of here. So, yes, if you want to support us on Patreon, and only if you can support us on Patreon, you can go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show where you'll get extra videos and podcasts and magazines and all kinds of lovely, lovely things for you to peruse. Also, our website, thecheapshow.co.uk,

is your one-stop shop for links to our merch page, Tony's merch page, events, physical copy of the magazine, videos. Every episode has a page dedicated to it with images and videos. Oh, it looks great. Imran showing off his badge. Focus. I'm trying to do the admin. Well, aren't we going to ask Imran if he's got any gigs or anything?

At the end. I don't care. It's our show. For fuck's sake. I'm trying to be nice. Get our badge. Should I say something about, I don't know, wanking? Yeah, do it quick. sake, I'm trying to be nice. Get a badge. Should I say something about, I don't know, wanking?

Yeah, do it quick. Oh, I had a wank. Great, thank you. Top form. Right, so we're on social media, Instagram, Facebook, all the usual things. But if you want to follow us on Twitter, we're most active at The Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon's show and Eli is... Eli Snoid, spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And finally, we have a P.O. Box.

If you want to send anything into the show, you can send us all your lovely surprises at Cheap Show P.O. Box 1309 Harrow HA19QJ. And Imran, pimp your stuff. How can people get in touch with you and find out more about your things? Just Google my name. Go to ImranYusuf.com.

I'm gigging all over the place. I've got some things happening. I'm appearing in a show that's going to appear in Netflix very soon. So you can find it. It better not be the next series of bloody How To Be A Fucking Despot or whatever it is. But yeah, just look me up. ImranYusuf.com or just Google my name. I've got a YouTube channel with over 7 million hits.

Check out my comedy. Also want to give a shout out to my friend Adam Humphrey, who loves this show. Thinking about you, bro. This is not a breakfast radio show. We don't do it. And it's been a joy to be here. So look out for me, Imran Youssef. And it's a pleasure to be on this show with Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon.

And here's his five pounds for being very kind. That's all we've got time for today. Eli, do you have any parting thoughts? Oh, no. Great stuff. Honestly, come on. It's been a long weekend. Leave it out. And on that note, we'll see you next come on. It's been a long weekend. Leave it out.

And on that note, we'll see you next time on the only economy comedy podcast that matters. Bye. Bye.