CheapShow - Ep 244: Creamed

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

For a show known for its in-depth investigative reporting, even Paul and Eli decide to dig deeper this week to get to the bottom of one of life's biggest mysteries... Why are Cream Crackers called "Cream Crackers"? The answer may surprise you. Unless you know already. Obviously. It's another back to basics episode this week when the Eli reveals his latest "Tales from the Shop Floor", but he isn't the only DJ with a few stories to share! Has Eli been usurped? There is also a bumper batch of sauces to investigate too! It's time for a "Sauce Report" that delights and confounds. Elsewhere in the episode, Paul has people popping out of his penis, takes a trip to the CheapShow psychologist and Eli is back on full "mouth noise" duties. Enjoy! See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-244-creamed And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Right. Hello. I know that you were chock full of chodneys when we did last week. And, you know, it was a reasonably measured episode. So I thought at the beginning of this, let's get all your chodneys out. I don't perform for you like a seal. Like a fucking clapping wet seal. Splat, splat, splat do I go for you.

Like a seal. Like a resentful, maltreated seal with abscesses around its eyes clapping just like an automatic response it's just a thing it does for fish this count this counters your designated clap trap no it does not it counts as nothing i'm gonna say i count for nothing around here your madness my madness your madness is going to be described as a Chodney Boroff moment from this point on. I am not having a choice. I will not be pigeonholed by you or, frankly, the listenership and be

and just jump for a hoop of Boroff and Spadney and Chadney Magruder Chad. You're fucking good. Right, have you got it? Hello everybody, Cheap Show. I'm Eli Silverman and here is Paul Gannon. Welcome to the show. I'm Eli Silverman, and here is Paul Gannon. Welcome to the show. I'm sorry.

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. It's just a fact of cheap show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept cheap show Off-brand ratlock, off-brand ratlock Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep Cheep show It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show.

And I go and I nuzzle. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and pound lands and more of Great Britain. All the more. All the more. And we bring to you. The more is the extra. The extra gravy.

We bring you the trinkets we find amongst the trash and we dissect them as pop culturalists. Oh, are we pop culturists now? I guess we are a little bit. I'm a bit of a street pop culturist. Call me Hairy Stamen. I'm a hip pop culturist. Street name Action Stamen. You know what, British? Bring back Imran. If it Hairy Stamen. I'm a hip pop culturist. Street name Action Stamen. You know what,

bring back Imran. If it stops you talking shit. What? I'm working off you. I'm saying, I'm trying to get into the mindset, Paul, of a street culturalist.

Street pop culturalist. Yeah. A street pop culturalist. Easy for you to say. Right, do you want to start this whole episode again? Because it seems like

you completely fucking frazzled this. I'm liking it. I'm liking the way it's going. You're liking the vibe. Yes. Right. So it's about time for me to say what we've got coming up

on the show today, Paul. Today on the show, we'll be deep diving into a tale from the dance shop Stroke Floor. Nice. Stroke Floor. That's a different kind of shop.

The Stroke Shop. The Stroke Shop. That's in Amsterdam, isn't it? Go around the corner, go in the Stroke Shop, get some relief. Know what I mean? Yeah. Two kroner. Nah, I'm not doing this week. Fuck this, I'm not doing this week. You can't walk out. I can.

Please don't. I won't. Alright. I'll shut up. I love you. Okay. Right. So we're doing that. And then we've got a very special edition of Eli's Sauce Report. We're keeping it simple this week. It's just a basic Cheap Show episode. Cheap Show basics. No frills.

No frills Cheap Show. It really is no frills. No frills. Have you been to Tesco and got their basics recently? I don't think they do them anymore, do they? They're just out of shame, probably. Why? We tasted their mayonnaise once. It was a heresy against food it was bad yeah it was really

weak muck i once bought when i was at university like a sack of their sausages frozen microwave sausages for about two pounds you bought a sack of sausages yes about 80 sausages and they were in i've never heard of an 80 sausage pack for my whole. And they were in the freezer. I've never heard of an 80 sausage pack. For my whole first year they were in there and I ate some once and just thought

that's disgusting. They were like tough little scrotes. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Lone meat in. Yeah. Dehydrated scrote eggs.

Yeah. Lovely. I got nothing. I don't know what to say to your sausage sack. I don't know how to reply. It was a dirty uni sausage sack and I regret it. I don't know what to say to your sausage sack. I don't know how to reply. It was a dirty uni sausage sack and I regret it. I do have to make an amendment

because remember we mentioned last week... Corrections time. Yeah, Dogtanion and Willy Fog. Spanish shows, not French. Animated by the Japanese, but produced by a Spanish company. And then totally re-scripted for the English version? I presume. I wonder. It was re-dubbed by Spanish company. And then totally re-scripted for the English version? I presume.

I wonder. It was re-dubbed by some company. But you know the way that they changed the whole story, like Magic Roundabout is a famous example, isn't it? No, but I think in this case they went from a script because there was a script. So they kept the script, yeah. It's just a dubbing job.

The thing about the Magic Roundabout allegedly was that, what was the name of the guy? It was Emma Thompson's dad, wasn't it? What was the name of the guy who did... Mr. Thompson? No. Yes. It's a shame that I'm writing that.

You know what? I'm not... He was called Mr. Thompson, I bet. Who narrated The Magic Roundabout? Eric Thompson. Oh, I was half right. No, well, yeah, Thompson, which I'd already told you.

Yeah, I know, but he's still got to be... You could have said, like, Chodney Robinson. I could have said Chodney. That's the name of my have said Chodney Robinson. I could have said Chodney. That's the name of my autobiography. Chodney. I didn't say Chodney. It's like that Leonard Nimoy book. Your book would be called I Am Not Chodney.

That's what I was getting at, yeah. So, yeah, so the story goes about that. He never actually listened to the original French version of Magic Roundabout. He just improvised the story based on the footage. But isn't it basically the same process that goes on with the Power Rangers and all of these things, where they completely re...

Power Rangers is different again, because they just took the actual action footage of the fights, and then they put the American stories in where the other stuff would be, and they completely re-textualised those characters. I guess I'm just trying to say, generally, a lot of jiggery-pokery goes on

when they... Especially with cartoonsy pokery goes on when they especially with cartoons and kids shows when they transport them across but in these instances from country culture to culture

country to country but in these instances I think they're just direct translations of the scripts talking about Dog Tanya and 80 Days of Underworld and Philly Fog

and whatever so that means what the City of Gold that was what was City of Gold then because that isn't listed in the same company as the... So I don't know.

I wouldn't want to put my foot down and say city of gold is one thing or another. No. Because we'll just get corrected again. Did you throb it? I never did. You got your city of gold out. Oh, I never did. Oh, look at me.

Look at me tuppences coming out. Oh, shut up. That's your favourite word for my nubbin. And I need some creativity from you now. Rich coming for Mr Mr Chodney. I said not Chodney not once. When Mr Chodney's

parrot says baroff. Baroff. Right. What? That is enough of that nonsense. Is it?

Okay. And we've got special tales from the dance floor don't we? Yes. Well we're going to get into that in a bit. I want to just state

that you know going forward we've got some exciting episodes coming up. Oh what have we got coming up in the tell us from the dance floor, don't we? Yes, well, we're going to get into that in a bit. I want to just state that, you know, going forward, we've got some exciting episodes coming up. Oh, what have we got coming up in the pipeline for... In the dirty pipeline. The rusty pipeline. The arsehole! What's coming out the arse? What diarrhea is squirting from my reddened and sore ring piece?

Why? Why is it reddened and sore? Because of all the fucking great episodes that's spurting out. saw ring piece. Why? Why is it red and the saw? Because of all the fucking great episodes that's spurting out. You're alluding to the idea that every episode we generate comes directly from your hot ass. Why?

Not my hot ass. You just said your hot ass. The pipeline. Your pipeline begins and ends well, actually your throat and your arsehole. It's interesting you say that because they think of your alimentary canal as the outside of your body.

Did you know that? No. Because if you think about it, there's no end to the surface. An ant could crawl into your mouth all through your guts and then come out your bum. Is this one of those...

He wouldn't have entered your body. Is this one of those designs that you see when someone makes a shape and it's like an ongoing surface where the in becomes the out and then the out becomes the in? A Klein bottle, yes. A Klein bottle.

Two Mobius strips. Klein wine bottles. I've seen those. Have you really? Yeah, a wine bottle design like that. It can't hold wine. Well, it did. I don't have it to have.

It's not a true Klein bottle then. Oh, a Kevin Klein bottle. Does show tunes and overacts in British comedy films. Oh, does he do show tunes? Is he a singing actor? Yeah, he's done Broadway in his time. Oh, that's right, yeah.

Still married to Phoebe Cates. Who I know from... Well, she was in Gremlins and Gremlins 2. Oh, of course. And the famous scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High where she's walking along the pool. I've never seen that film. And she opens her bra up.

Is it Judd nelson who's not judd nelson isn't it judd reinhold he gets a stalk on in the film well i don't know if you actually see his bulbous fucking hot rod but it's implied that he's having a dirty dream as he's fantasizing oh i've never seen it it's one on my list i need to watch that i need to watch fright night that uh prince of darkness there's a lot of these films um what we got oh we got on my list I need to watch that I need to watch Fright Night That Prince of Darkness there's a lot of these films what we got oh we got

that's it I think I was going to say in the lead up to 250 which is going to be a lovely episode we've got Nick Helm and Nathaniel Metcalf coming up in the next few weeks

we've got some lovely guests if you like the guest episodes such as Imran which was well received we'll be doing those semi-regularly like a semi-erection

semi for Pearl. And the Pearl have come. That is the guest. Great, Alex. Like, imagine their heads coming out. And the little Pearl.

And that's their head. I'm not going to describe our guests of pre-cum. I'm just trying to build something here. Mother of Pearl guests. We've got plenty of guests coming up every two weeks,

in fact. Yeah. We've got that. Starting with Helm. But also. And Metcalf. We have a mystery coming up soon. weeks. Yeah. We've got that. Starting with Helm. But also. And Metcalf. We have a mystery coming up soon. Oh, the mystery.

So I alluded to this on Twitter a few weeks ago because we got a mystery package in the post. And all it was was an attaché case with our logo burnt into it. What is an attaché case? It's an attaché case. Is that like a briefcase? It's a briefcase, yeah,

that you have the little clasps on. I don't know. I don't know what attaché means. You don an attaché case. Is that like a briefcase? It's a briefcase, yeah, that you have the little clasps on. I don't know. I don't know what attaché means. You don't. This is why I'm here. Attaché. To point out you. Attaché.

We all fall down. I'm going to look at what attaché means. Oh, here we go. That's what the whole fucking show's become. Paul doesn't know something. Looks it up. Fucking great content. No, hang on.

There's a website here that actually says, what's the difference between... I am actually into this now. What's the difference? Well, sure. Let me fucking speak. I'm here too, Paul. I know. No, hang on. There's a website here that actually says, what's the difference between... I am actually into this now. I want to know. Well, sure, let me fucking speak. I'm here too, Paul. I know. That's the problem

with this fucking podcast. Well, you wouldn't even be thinking about this if it wasn't for me. Yeah. What is the difference between an attaché case and a briefcase?

Right. For the most part, an attaché case and a briefcase are practically interchangeable. Okay, fine. That's all I need to know. This article, I already hate this article. Let's write an article. Basically, fine. That's all I need to know. This article, I already hate this article.

Let's write an article. Basically, there is no difference. Now here's the rest of the fucking article. The word attaché was coined by the French, referring to an administrative member of the ambassador's staff. Ambassadors and their staff, or attachés, carried their papers and documents in slim cases,

which became known as the attaché case. Wow. That's it in a nutshell but practically they are identical to briefcases yes let's keep calling it an attache i like it yeah espionage yeah french you know well anyway we've got that we've got a special attache case with a whole episode in it a mystery within it an enigma within i don't know where it came from what what if it's like human body parts? Then we're not going to put that episode out and we'll call the police

and then I'll have therapy. It'll probably be something like that. Cubes of human flesh. Now tell me about what happened on the episode. Well, Doctor, I was just sitting there recording my innocent, chumly, fun podcast called The Cheap Show with my good friend, Eli Silverman.

Good, good, good, good, good. And I was eating a sausage. Wait, wait, wait. Chumly, you use this strange verbiage. Where is this from? The other member of the troupe as well? Tell me. Yes, well, I've got a co-host on the podcast.

Oh, yes? Tell me about him. He's a psychiatrist called Eli Silverman. Ah, ah, we have a breakthrough today. So anyway, we opened the suitcase up after a long, hard day of recording. And inside was all sorts of body parts. Severed limbs. I see. Penises, organs, eyes, teeth in a bag.

I see. I don't know why and where it came from. Very interesting. Now, for this, we need to detail. I need to read the metaphor in your everyday language for this piece. Okay? Yeah. So, where is the briefcase?

Where exactly is the briefcase? Well, the briefcase now is in police custody. Yes, but where? Where? Are you kidding this? Go, go, go! What's going on? Retrieve the briefcase!

I've got a whole team. I have a team. Are you having your own podcast again over there? Some kind of espionage thriller? Yeah, I was liking it. I thought there was a different, you know, he wasn't a real doctor. He was just trying to get you to say. Oh, I see.

Yeah. How long did that take? Three minutes. Right, good. That rounds us up to the end of this segment. Are we going to the sound effect now? We are going to the sound effect right about now. Galloping towards it.

No! What a lovely sound effect right about now. Galloping towards it. What a lovely sound effect. You're listening to Cheap Show with myself, Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon over there. You're going to have to introduce it again. No, just a little one because they might have forgotten.

The sound effect made people forget what they were doing. Sometimes you get this whole effect where time stretches out and it's just like... So someone's driving

listening to the podcast and then they hear the... And then they just go, where am I? Yeah, who am I? Where am I? Drive off a road. Let me just reassure them.

You're driving, you're a Cheap Show listener, you're listening to me, Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon on Cheap Show. Get ready for the hilarity to come down. See, now all that means

is that this segment's going to be dirty dog shit. Dirty dog shit? Dirty dog shit. A tautology if I ever heard one. You've going to be dirty dog shit. Dirty dog shit? Dirty dog shit. I've taughtology if I ever heard one. You've cursed it with dirty dog shit. Is there clean dog shit? Yes.

Do you eat clean dog shit? There is. Is it safe to eat? Yes. Do you stuff it in your nose? Safe to eat. Land goose. Dog eggs.

Now, so, we're going to start this segment of the show with a segment that we haven't really had much of with there being a lockdown, but Eli's assured me that he's got a tales from the dance floor it's a classic is it i was djing right by classic do you mean it's the same story you've told at least 100 times on the podcast already and now there's a new version of it yeah because you've got nothing else to show for your time djing yeah right good uh i'm d. It's early in the night. Right. Two young ladies. How early in the night? Are we talking like before the first band comes on?

Yes. So it's sort of maybe 9. Warm-up time. 9.40. Not warm-up time. People are still maybe eating. Yes. The beginning.

Are you going to throw up? What's going on? You just keep covering your mouth and go. You look like some kind of weird Muppet when you do it. Is that the closest you've been? Why does the vitriol come out? It's the closest to like zippy you've looked like in a while. We were just sitting there and you were like.

I was being professional and trying to mask my slight burp from. From the audience's ears. I didn't want to grelch. I know you just go, oh, grelch. It's because you've got no breeding. Right. Oh, Eli's gone all fucking snotty

I'm gonna let you do the podcast by yourself fuck this I'm not no I don't need to be here anymore I've realised you do

I just need to edit it and put it out no you do what were we talking about exactly oh fucking hell did I put a sound effect in when you weren't

fucking looking I know they distract me a lot from who I am um ka-chicka-bong ching um you fucking got fucking looking I know they distract me a lot from who I am um ka-chicka-bong ching um he fucking gone

no tell us from the dance floor yeah so I'm DJing yes and it's 9.40 it's early in the night yeah people are

finishing up meat eating some people are coming in getting ready for the night's events and I tend to keep it on the more

mellow level and in fact management there like the volume to be slightly lower then yeah it's background still at this point and two young ladies come up got it mellow level and in fact management there like the volume to be slightly lower then as well it's background still

at this point and two young ladies come up got it and they come over and I'm sort of trying to cue up the next record

so I'm like one minute one minute he's in the middle of cueing up the next record I'm happy I'm giving the grin

yes I'll attend to you have you told people about how you cue it up because maybe people don't know the secrets

of mixing as a DJ. You don't just slap the record on and press play. You have to get the record into a place where you can start it basically instantly when the last tune has ended. Because on those record players, there's not a lot of build-up of speed because you have to press play and it kicks off immediately. No, they are. They're very quick. Yeah.

Yes. But there is a certain limit of angle. Yeah. If it's too close, it will do that at the beginning. Yeah. You'll hear that. You'll hear it speed up to the proper speed. So you've got to get the needle right.

It's about three quarters of a turn. Yeah. It's about three quarters of a turn. So you need to line that record up with the needle so that it has to do that three quarters turn before it plays. Yes. Which is like,

less than a second, ladies and gentlemen. Four less. It's not actually that difficult a technique to learn. I'm trying to, like, care. No, it's fine, Paul. What are you doing? Is that all right? It's fine.

It's not the point of the story. I was queuing up the next record. I just think it needs more colour to make this story less. Oh, give me some fucking colour. Wait, I'm building up the colour hill. I'm going up a gradient. We're in the monotones. It's just like the situation in terms of the venue.

We're in the mellow part of the story. And then I'll start playing the bangers. It's just I'm bored. You can shut up. That's what you can do. Yeah. Chugly foff toff. There you go.

I've committed something. Chugly foff toff. Chugly foff toff. No, I don't just ever interject with a noise just out of nowhere, like Splandridge or That's one. Ebo Montgomery. Anyway, so they

come over, yeah? I found out that my drag act name would be Valerie Softmints. Not really, I don't know. How do you construct it? It was like your nan's name and the last candy or sweet you ate. Which nan? I've got two nans. Whatever you want. And the last soft candy I ate. Yeah, or a candy or sweet of some kind.

Margaret Mentos. Sounds like a punk. Right. I'm Valerie Softmints. Yeah. Why have we both had very similar last soft... I like Softmints, though. Very Moorish.

But they give me the runs do they because I demolish a pack in one go mints are relaxative aren't they they can be that's why they're on

tic tacs they say don't fucking shit yourself don't eat all these tic tacs or you will piss don't eat seven packs of these and then drive to Edinburgh

or you'll shit through the eye of a needle you'll be fucking shitting in your seat driving and then you'll get stopped by the police and they'll come over

and go get out of the car! And you can't. And you get out and it all sloshes down your legs. I've shat myself so badly! You're right! Right. No. So they come over. Hey, I tell you what, if you did shit yourself no cop's going to frisk you then, are they?

No. So you're saying... Pat down becomes a splat down. Yes. Imagine that, you're saying... Pat down becomes a splat down. Yes. Imagine that. You're giving a man a pat down and you feel a turd hanging out of his jockeys and as you squeeze his thigh or something, it just snips it and drops it down.

What are we talking about? You've got an obsession. One of your obsessions. I've seen it. It's about snipping poos in half. Mate, I think we talked about this with Biffo. Yeah, I know. We did.

That's why I'm bringing this up. It's you. I'd like to cut a turd in half. Yes, you would like to. Yeah. I wouldn't like did. That's why I'm bringing this up. It's you. I'd like to cut a turd in half. Yes, you would like to. Yeah. I wouldn't like to. It's like Dirty Man Play-Doh.

I'd like to take a shit and push it through one of those Play-Doh hairdressing sets. Oh, no, you wouldn't. And make a little shit afro. You'd see stuff you didn't need to see.

A little turd. The components of the structure of the poo, like little edges of leaves. Depends on what you're thinking. Yeah, but you'd like it to be very uniform, which means just eat one thing.

Perhaps like, just I think as an art installation, I'd like to use my fecal matter as like it on Play-Doh toys across a board. You know, like make a better burger or something like that

where you make, I make a little patty. I'm out. I'm out of this. I'm not going along with this. Of all my different poopy types. I'm not going along with this. It's disgusting.

A little toilet paper as a lettuce. Who's going to manufacture this? Play-Poo poopy types. I'm not going along with this. It's disgusting. A little toilet paper as a lettuce. Who's going to manufacture this? Play poo. It's going to be fucking Unky Grumble. Poo's dead. Poodo. Unky Grumbles is dead. No.

Uncle Grumble, who makes all his food by hand. Literally. So these young ladies come over and I say, hang on a second, because I'm queuing up the next record. Oh yeah. So how do you do that? So you take the record and you put it on the end. Don't fuck with me.

I'm not telling you. You just put it on. You play it. When you hear it start, you pull back from that by stopping it. Pull back? And then you fucking. There we go. You get your water.

I derailed him again. Go for it. You fucking come everywhere in the booth all the time. Is that genuinely the best you had? Like, come in your booth. Well, you were like, oh, you pull back, do you? And I said, yes, I pull back my foreskin, and I go, oh, what's that niff?

Oh, it's sweaty back here in the booth. Mate, your dick's so small, if you pull your foreskin back, you reveal your balls. Ooh, doesn't make sense, does it? Does your balls pop out your foreskin?. You reveal your balls. Ooh, it doesn't make sense. Does your balls pop out your foreskin? They don't. Your balls are already there

but they're not. What do you mean? They're tucked in so high. I don't get it. because your penis is so small when you actually pull back your foreskin, all you're doing is

popping your balls out the front. Right. Oh, anyone missing this quality content from last week? Oh, they're getting Their money's worth today So forget about

My minute bollocks That somehow nestled Nestled in my foreskin Yeah Right Just try and get That image out of your head Can't

I won't Do you know there's A new bakers round here I don't care Do you know what it's called Do you know what it's called Now Ballskins

Now this is a relevant issue. Yeah. Do you think this is not a good thing to call your bakers, right? Yeah, go on. So they bake what? They're called cakes and bread. Yeah, it's just like coffee and cakes and stuff. All right.

It's just a bit of hipstery. Right. It's called the dusty knuckle. Fuck off. I know what they're thinking of. Do you know what I mean? Because they're kneading the bread. But to me, I just like, I cannot get that out of my mind.

Do you know what comes into my mind? Sex act. Like a camel with its big vagina, like making a mark with the moisture from its vagina on some sand. That is a leap I did not see coming. I am astounded. Do you know what I mean though? Can you imagine the camel,

like kneeling down? Yeah. Kneeling down. So its fanny is like on the sand. Yeah. And it leaves a sort of damp. Little pear shape. Camel vagina down. Yeah. Kneeling down. So it's fannies like on the sand. Yeah. And it leaves a sort of damp... Little pear shape. Camel vagina shaped...

Yeah. That's a dusty knuckle. Yeah. No. It's dusty. I was thinking... Camel toe. No.

Camel toe has a knuckle, doesn't it? Yeah. See? See my thinking now. Fannies don't have knuckles. I just want to put that... It looks like a knuckle a bit though, doesn't it? Look at that.

That could be a fanny. I'm showing him my two fingers. Your two hairy knuckles. My knuckles. Just two knuckles like that. Look. Hey, hello. Hello, Paul.

No. The dusty knuckle. Hello. I was just thinking a dusty knuckle is if you wank off a mummy or something. Yeah, good, good, good. But do you agree that... Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Mr. Camel Fanny analogy.

Do you think it's inappropriate though? They shouldn't call it the Dusty Knuckle. Bakers. I gave my girlfriend the Dusty Knuckle the other day. You know what I mean? Yeah, oh. Needing it. Anyway, these young ladies.

Oh, yeah. Have you got ABBA? No, the end of the story. No, that's not what they said. They said, can you play 80s? Literally. 80s, right. Are you going to play 80s?

Right. That's what they said. And what did you say? I said, no. This is where I made a mistake, maybe. What a great story, boys and girls. No, that's not the end of the story, Paul. Oh, right.

Stop being so fucking facetious, you nugget brain. Facetious you. Right, so I go, no. And they go, no, really, eighties. And I go, look. And I did lose my temper a bit, not like to a level of like raising my voice yeah yeah yeah I just said

visibly annoyed I just said look it's the blues kitchen it's going to be like funk and soul and sort of that kind of stuff Motown

Northern Soul yeah yeah yeah I said that maybe a little bit of rock and roll and I didn't think I'd raise my voice I was just explaining look it's not the place

for 80s whatever the fuck that means like that could be any number of genres but think of if you're going to think strictly of

what they've given me in terms of information 80s means music produced within the decade of the 1980s so you've got a mix of electronic you've got

you know like neuromantic music you've got Stock Aitken and Walkman stuff for example that could be 80s do you know what I'm prepared to say this is my guess but I would guess there was more music, recorded music, put out in the 80s

than probably all the previous decades of the 20th century put together. It's probably true. Do you see what I mean? I don't know. It was burgeoning, the music. It was like... Well, because everyone could get access to it easier and stuff. It's a huge decade for an amount of music put out, isn't it?

Yeah. Annoying, isn't it? So I said, look, look no it's gonna be blues and funk and soul all night it's the it's the blues kitchen yeah it's not it's not gonna get

the 80s kitchen is it and one of them then as she was walking off went oh calm down calm down calm down I'm sorry calm down sorry what's your Harry

Enfield scouts a character no she's like calm down in your head you went no I'm sorry it's a blues kitchen where Calm down! Sorry, was she a Harry Enfield Scouts character? No. She's like, Calm down! In your head, you went, No, I'm sorry, it's a blues kitchen.

But in what she said was, No! It's a blues kitchen! I didn't say fuck off, I didn't touch my nose, I didn't do anything like that. In my head, you did all those things and I'm accurate.

Anyway, that was the story. But nothing came of it it was a great night and everyone was dancing so they had a bit less of a case do you know what I mean

yeah well to be made that's Tales from the Dance Floor well guess what well they're back Paul guess what we've been through this together

and now they're back Tales from the Dance Floor are back yeah I'd rather jack than Fleetwood Mac no heavy metal rolling stone music from the past I'd rather jack jack jack than Fleetwood Mac. No heavy metal rolling stone music from the past.

I'd rather jack, jack, jack, jack than Fleetwood Mac. I hate that fucking song. It's a terrible song. Pepsi and Shirley? No, Reynolds Sisters or the Reynolds Girls. And the whole idea

is that they'd want to dance to... We don't want to hear your music, Daddy-O. We don't want to hear the classics. We want to hear our music. Does anyone dance to fucking Reynolds Girls anymore?

No. No, they don't. But they still get up and boogie to Aretha Franklin or Fleetwood Mac mac they do and yes it was a sort of manufactured sort of generation gap thing there wasn't any sort of do you know what i mean it wasn't a real knights when the party's hard and the fever drives you wild were they so wrong no okay then but they were repulsive yeah and. And it's a terrible tune. That's the thing.

The message was repulsive. What's the one that goes... That's Mel and Kim. That's good. That's good, yeah. Get fresh at the weekend. Showing up. Do-do-do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do-do-do. See, that's got a positive message. Like getting ready to go out, going out and having a fucking excellent time. It's not like, oh, you daddy-o. Or anything like this. It's not like, oh, you uncool. It's got a positive message, like getting ready to go out, going out and having a fucking excellent time. It's not like, oh, you daddy-o, or anything like this. It's not like, oh, you uncool. It's like inclusive. It's everyone.

It's just, this is our scene, yo. We're dancing to it. We're loving it. We're living it big. FLM, Fun, Love, Money. That was another one of theirs. Not as good, though. No.

Get Fresh at the Weekend was the big one. That first album was particularly strong, considering the stable it came from. Mel and Kim, it gets the cheap show recommendation it certainly does right so this is a letter from Dylan Brinkley and guess

what it's a tales from the dance floor what are you wrong it's surely the shop floor which is our segment where people write in about their experiences in thrift

stores and charity shops and working in retail more generally usually with shit but now this is a tales from the dance floor from Dylan Brinkley and he says,

hello, hello there. Is he a DJ? Yeah. Oh yeah, what does he fucking play then? I don't, I'm not going to stay around for this.

That would be great actually. And I'd like to watch other people working as DJs. Well listen, you may find a sense of self pride when I read the letter out

so can I get on with it? Absolutely. Right. So hello there. I recently got a job being the in-house DJ for my local pub. Now, calling myself a DJ is a bit of a stretch. Essentially, I'm a glorified MP3 player and I play whatever people ask for. But luckily enough, most of the locals have good taste,

so I can play a few of my own tracks without any protest. Oh, God. Since working there, however, I've had three tales from the dance floor and I would like to share them with you. Both of these happened on the same night. Word of warning, one gets kind of ugly. Three, he says three and then says both. Because I think...

My math radar's going off. Very basic math radar. Does he not say, he says three, I've got to tell you. No, maybe he's saying he's got three stories, but two happened on the same night. He'd say two and not both of them because it's referring to the whole story one during my set as part of a deal with the owner i have to go around and ask if there's any songs people would like to be played oh that's depressing oh god imagine if you were asked to go

around the blues kitchen with a notepad and a paper say what would you like to listen to 80s at least you could say all right and then move on they could say dirty dancing I should no this is what I think when they said 80s I shouldn't have argued yeah yeah

I keep saying this to you just say yeah and then they never come back and then they wouldn't be like calm down yeah or take a bit of paper and say just write it down there

yeah and then they write it down that'd be good yeah now as you can imagine that leaves me with quite a hodgepodge of genres to deal with and can be rather jarring shifting from something that I like,

like I want to hold your hand, to maybe Cream by the Wu-Tang Clan. Which he doesn't like. Is he implying that? No, he's just saying something that I like to maybe something that they like. It's a big jump in genre. It's a jump.

So, after I take the request, I build up a playlist and kind of group songs together and fill in the rest. He curates it, so he builds a playlist. kind of group songs together and fill in the rest. He curates it. So he builds a playlist. So then he doesn't actually have to DJ at all. He doesn't have to select the tunes in. Well, I mean, I don't know how his setup works, but, you know, I can imagine he sets up a playlist.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying it's not work, but that's not really. Do you know what I mean? That means you can just press play and then you can just drink one pint after another. So not bad. Not bad little gig. So he takes the requests and fills in the rest.

During one part of my set, I'm playing a lot of roots reggae and first or second wave ska. Nice. As I'm playing this very clearly... As I'm playing this... First and second wave ska, did he say?

That's what he says, yeah. Nice. He means the two-tone is the second wave stuff. As I'm playing this... I think he means that. Please put a comma in there, Dylan. See, it's terrible.

As I'm playing this, a clearly it means that. Please put a comma in there, Dylan. See, it's terrible. As I'm playing this, a clearly very drunk woman approaches my booth and asks, you going to play any Scar? And I tell her, yeah, I'm playing it now. Is there anything you'd like in particular? And she slurs out,

the specials! And it's like, the specials is actually playing now. Well, now I have a look at the songs I've queued up and I see one of the songs coming up is the specials. So I tell her,

yeah, no worries. Ghost Town. It's coming up. She stumbles away. He doesn't mention it yet. She stumbles away, and the song I'm currently playing isn't even finished before I see her again. She then asks, even more annoyed than last time,

are you going to play The Specials? And I tell her, yeah, they're coming up. Don't worry. And then she shoots both of her hands in the air and yells at the top of her voice, monkey man, monkey man, and then disappears. That's Toots and the Maytals, monkey man. Is it a song?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what she's, that's what. So he's not thinking this is some kind of weird. And I think the specials may have done a cover of it, actually. Really? Yeah. So what she said wasn't completely random. It's a fantastic tune and it was on The Harder They Come,

you know, the movie with Jimmy Cliff. Oh, yeah. It was on the soundtrack to that. It's a fantastic tune and it was on The Harder They Come, you know, the movie with Jimmy Cliff. Oh, yeah. It was on the soundtrack to that. That's when I first heard it. And it is a big sort of skinhead favourite. Okay. So, yeah,

early skinheads, in case people didn't know, when the movement started, they were into Jamaican music. A lot of people confused the skinhead movement for like the far right movement. Well,

part of them, whatever, it's a big kettle of fish. Long story short, watch This Is England. That kind of sums it up in, whatever. It's a big kettle of fish. Long story short, watch This Is England. That kind of sums it up in many ways. It's a big, but that was a big skinhead tune. It's a fantastic tune. Two Tibbets giving one of the greatest vocal performances

in the genre, I'd say. So that's story one. This is story two, which is the uglier one. Okay. Also, yeah, we've discussed it on Tales from the Dance Floor before a number of times one of the classic things that will happen

is you put James Brown on and people come over and they think they're clever because they've subconsciously been cute and go oh can you play some James Brown and you're thinking

it is on it is actually on now and then their brain goes I can't actually relate this to you without being a bit condescending it's because you're not playing like the big hit

like I feel good yeah you know what I mean that's what it comes down to you're not you're not playing that one tune that i heard on the radio 18 times you know right so anyway story two slightly uglier uh earlier the same night i'm playing some 90s early 2000s hip-hop that's it the kind of conscious jazz stuff think Think Tribe Called Quest or Public Enemy. Nothing that would scare anyone off. As I'm playing this, this man who I'd never seen before approaches the booth. I've grown up around this pub since my father often drank there. So as a result, I know most of the locals and they know me.

So it's odd that I'd never seen this guy before. He was a proper English bulldog looking man. Squat, no neck, pale skin. Oh no. Round balding head. He comes up to my booth and asks, when are you going to stop playing this censored word, music? N-bomb.

Yeah. Word, music. Now, in the normal context. I've never had anything like that. No, I can't imagine he's right now feeling particularly happy or safe about what he's doing. That's terrible. Especially when you've got a fucking gormless, bruising cunt like that

coming at you. Fucking unbelievable. Now, in the normal context, I would have ended the conversation right there and told him to fuck off, but this is my second night and I was hired

to make the punters happy and I thought, I don't want to upset the apple cart too much, so I asked him, what music would you like me to play? And then he pauses to think and without any self-awareness,

he goes, have you got any reggae? Yeah. But is that because maybe he's one of those old school skinheads that was literally just... Sounds like he's probably

an old racist twat. And then became a racist jackpot, doesn't in his head notice the difference. I mean, it just is another example of just the absurdity of those beliefs.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Just the complete inconsistency and absurdity. Yeah. And just, you know, stupidity of it.

But, god, I'm glad i've never had a tells from the dance floor that has been like that i'd literally fucking beat him to death with a microphone i think sure the microphone is on i think that audience could hear every hit of the mic i don't want to i don't want to come across like metropolitan elite but that is a sort of more of a small town sort of vibe to it yeah no that wouldn't happen in London it's hugely multicultural it wouldn't happen in the fucking blues kitchen put it that way

awful uglier note he says he didn't play the reggae because he was asked I had a lot of requests that night for reggae in spite of the dude

and I kept playing more hip hop to piss him off nice yeah and besides he said he didn't play any of the ska reggae music

until the last hour of my set and by that time he'd fucked off of course they always fucking anyone like that always fucks off. It's just a fucking, you know what it is? He's sitting there and he goes, fuck this, I'm going to make a scene

or do something and assert my... Well, he did well, didn't he? Dylan did well to de-escalate it. Because you can't really tell him to fuck off without escalating the scene. So, yes, I'll sort that out. Bye, everyone. Yeah, again, yes. He should take a leaf out of what I don't do.

Go fucking sit over there and eat a glass ashtray, you cunt. Yeah. It's what you'd like to say, but that would probably be the wrong thing to say. No, because what happened in real life, I'd say, please don't hit me, please. God, please don't hit me. I did have that guy who's saying,

I had to fucking play Can't Buy Me Love. Can't hurry me, can't hurry, don't hurry. Can't hurry love. Can't hurry love. Can't, don't hurry, shouldn't worry love. What is that tune't Hurry Love. Can't Hurry Love. Can't. Don't Hurry. Shouldn't Worry Love. What is that tune called? No, the Diana Ross one.

The original. The Supremes one. You can't hurry love. No, you just have to wait. Is that what it's called? You Can't Hurry Love. Love don't worry. Yes, that tune.

But I was going to play it and he was insistent and then came over and was like, really aggressive. Fucking play it. Please. Specifically the Phil Collins version? No. Well, at least the Diana Ross one. It's fine. I'm just saying the level.

Yeah. The sense of ownership and anger. The anger and sort of threat of violence. Because you can't hear a song. You could literally get on your phone in three seconds on Spotify if you wanted to. It's a weird sort of power balance, isn't there? And that's why I think incidents like what happened with the racist it's like yeah by he

knows that the dj is this kind of focus where you know what i mean it's like a conduit for your taste yeah yeah third and final story so i'm getting to the end of my set and this guy comes up and asks for damien by dmx. Now, another hip-hop thing. Okay. Now, if he... DMX is that guy who died recently. Oh, okay. He was in movies in the early 2000s.

Oh, yeah. Action. Yeah, okay. I'm beginning to... X gonna give it to you. Right. I don't know. Now, if he'd asked earlier,

I'm pretty sure I could have got away with it. But since I was legit on my last songs, I told him I'd love to, but I can't, boss's orders. Now, he wasn't accepting no for an answer and just kept on asking. And every time I would tell him the same thing, sorry, mate, I can't play anything else

near the end of my track listing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this kept on until I stopped and started packing up. And now this guy, now having to deal with the fact that he isn't getting the song he wants played then begins to rap the whole song to me oh yeah this is this is typical the owner is trying to

get him to leave but nothing will stop this man in his quest to hear this song eventually another patreon joins him and begins to beatbox it was like watching a scene out of jane silent bob oh i couldn't imagine that I had that I had something similar when it was like my mate will freestyle my mate's gonna freestyle

can we play something freestyle my mate's gonna freestyle and then the guy they were pissed as well probably

on the packet on the yeah and the Charlie Hall he literally knocked this whole pint onto

this Technics 1210 the deck and on purpose my friend Johnny Drop, he's a great musician and DJ, if you want to check someone out. He was DJing at the time, and he

immediately went, fucking get out! Get out! Fucking get out! And he's taking the deck apart. He knows how to take the whole plate off. To save it. And he's mopping the beer from inside the sort of thing, top of the mechanism yeah yeah yeah all the time going fuck off fuck off and all the guy'd be like oh my mate what's a freestyle which

you know it's not gonna fucking happen and did have we told have i said about the wasn't the first one of the post-pandemic my first new tales from the dance floor was a couple of weeks ago wasn't it where i said about she wanted to sing amy winehouse oh god yeah you know it's always because you're like, again, like you're this conduit, like people think you've got the mic and you know,

one I get all the time is like, it's Emma's 24th, can you say that? I don't have a mic. The thing is though, part of me is fine, but I don't have a mic. No one's going to give me a mic

to do birthday shout outs. No one wants that. This isn't fucking Capital Breakfast Show. Yeah, it's the cheesiness, you know? Yeah, it's a cheesiness you know yeah

it's a horrible turn of events but on the bright side that's funny that you knew the whole song but it's also funny then because you think what was your motivation in wanting to hear it you didn't really want to hear it you wanted to perform it you wanted to show people that you knew all the lyrics do you want too many john hughes films with the star of the film gets on stage and everyone loves him and actually in real life what would happen is it would cut to a largely empty pub and two fucking dickheads going

yeah the beatboxer I want to know he's the more interesting character the beatbox mate who's ready to jump up it's like got his cue yeah and then the camera

slowly quietly pans away from the scene and there's another one there just Dylan packing up his fucking CD. Is he called Dylan? Yeah, Dylan. And so slowly panning away,

comes out of the pub door into the street. It's this lonely shot of these two guys. And then a cat comes into shot and goes... Anyway, they have been our extra bumper, tail to the dance floor. I enjoyed those. Thank you. I enjoyed this.

It's the noise coming through into the studio. The noise of the information related to Source coming in here every day, all today. It's hitting the radio mast. And those pulses are individual pieces of data

about Source. Here we are are we're at the foot of the tower paul what is it time for i hate you don't you always say that you ruin it i was building it up with a noise it was a piercing horrible shrill just go do dodo-do-do-do-do Source report like you used to Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Do-do-do-do-do-do-do That's very high level data coming through about sources Where from?

Where to? The Cosmosphere Cosmosphere? Out in the Cosmosphere the source information roams And then it collects in hydrostatic electric clouds Fuck me Bouncing internally and then it collects in hydrostatic electric clouds. Fuck me. Bouncing internally.

Oh, that builds up the pressure of the source info. And here it comes, arching, arching across the sky. You asked me where it came from, to be fair to me. Arching across the sky into the antenna. Eh. What? You make me unknowing. I'm rejecting this. Eh. Eh. Eh. I'm rejecting. to the antenna. Why are you making that noise? I'm rejecting this.

I'm rejecting this. Yes, it's the Source Report. Hello, I'm Eli Silverman. And I'm Paul Gannon, co-host on the Source Report, the part of the show where we deliver the hottest news about the hottest sources. And what have you got

coming in right now about Source Pool? Well, I've had a few letters come in to the postbag recently, and they're asking what's happened to Action Jam News. Well, don't worry, ladies and gentlemen. No one's asked me about that. Action Jam News is on the way. Action Jackson Jam News is coming.

I've got some hot jams on the way. Maybe some jellies. I thought I made it clear in the meeting that Action Jam News is perfectly acceptable as a sub-segment. But mate, I keep hearing the emails. Where's the jam news? Where's the jam? I want what happened to Action Jam News? How are they

communicating in a higher pitched voice? It's all in italics. They type it in italics. And that's how you read it. Where's the jam news? Oh, very interesting. Fair, yes. And what else was in the dream that you had with the big... It's weird. I had this dream about sauces.

With a big potato! No, I had this weird dream about a sauce. It was this hot, white, milky kind of sauce. And it was coming at me through like some kind of ovipositor.

Just firing hot squelches in my face. And I'm repulsed, but I'm loving it. Paul, I went over to you yeah for a little bit summary of today's hot sauce what's today's yummary summary well let's find out what's the yummary summary put it like that i don't i don't know anything i got nothing anything i was just saying i was chit chat before we get into the meat of the sauce base i was telling

people about us of the sauce i was telling people not to get too disheartened about the fact that there's been no Action Jam news for a while. Okay. I'm working on it. Loud and clear. I've got some lovely jams coming your way soon, I promise. Loud and clear on the Action Jam. To the hundreds of people who emailed

begging me to bring back Action Jam news. All good, all good. All good, Paul. And they also said, and less source report, please. No, no, no. We're not a source report audience. Well, they can get their own fucking show.

I can feel the weight of the change coming. I can see the slip-slidey of the scales. Sticky slidey? Is it a sticky slip-slidey with jam on it? The scales, mate. Are there wasps? Can you see the scales? Do I get my helmet stung by a wasp

down the sticky slidey jam slide? Do I? We can go all day with this. No, I know we can't. We can go all day with this. That's the fucking problem with this. Right? Now.

It's fucking verbal slop. Let me respond. Okay? Yeah. No. The action jam news will not take over the source report. It feels like the weight of the world's turning on it. It never will.

What? Jam's bigger than sauce? sauce yeah let's put it to the people hashtag action jam jam is a subcategory of sauce is anyone's lexicon no it's not no one would ever put jam and sauce in the same category other than things you keep in glass containers maybe are they they're both sub condiment categories yes Are they? They're both sub-condiment categories, yes. Are they? You're saying jam isn't a condiment? What is it? A preserve? It's a sweet preserve.

It's sweet preserves. Yes. A sub-category of... A condiment to me is much more kind of saucy or spicy or peppery or... Yeah. The jams are lovely. What about, because I've seen these, you can get like garlic jam. Yeah.

See, I've got all these jams in my back pocket. That's a savoury side. So that's broken your rule. No, because it's not a proper jam, is it? Okay. So there will be no takeover. And also, I will be including jam sessions where I'll be including bands to come on the show and just jam with me. And we talk about jams.

Yeah. Maybe Robinson. Robinson. Robinson. Robinson Jam. I'm thinking of going to turn the show into a kind of hipster layback jam show. How about this, Paul? Yeah. Maybe Robinson. Robinson. Robinson. Robinson Jam. I'm thinking I'm going to turn this show into a kind of hipster layback jam show. How about this, Paul? Yeah.

I don't clean for a week and I make sure I've got like... Got ball jam. Yeah. Fadge jam. I call it fadge jam. You call your ball jam fadge jam? Yeah. Do you know how I spell fadge?

Fadge jam. P-H-A-D-G-E. Yeah. Fadge. Yeah, but that's what, when I was growing up, silly boys called ladies vaginas. No, that's vag. No, but we called them fadges. No, you fucking didn't.

No, you were just making shit up. Because we were stupid young boys. And we thought it was funny to say. I'll get my fadge smearings, and I'll put it under your nose when you mention jam. And I'll go, smell my bollock sweat. My solid... I won't.

I'm sorry. I will take a small cotton bud on a stick and I will swab your grotty undercarriage. I will do a number of tests and if it passes a pH I'm happy with, we'll do it in the segment. Have it on a cracker. Yeah.

Now. Fudge cracker. That sounds like an insult. Let's not say it again, you fudge cracker. On a sauce-related note... Get your fudge cracker out. I recently bought some Kewpie mayonnaise. Do you like that?

That's sauce. I'm giving you nothing. Mayonnaise is sauce. Yeah. Right, today on The Sauce Report, we'll be tasting some sauces, Paul. Excellent. Got three sauces to taste.

Yeah. And you said cracker. Funny you should say that, because The Sauce Report has provided tasting crackers. Tasting crackers. In individual packets. Nice. Because it's hygiene.

Hygiene. We want to keep everything right. So you can do, you will also have a spoon. Yeah. You'll also have a sauce tasting spoon. Right. So spoon or cracker, maybe a bit of both. I might go for cracker.

Well, just to see what you want, you know, to taste these sauces properly. Yep. Go get it, you stupid fudge cracker. Oh, he's got four. He dropped one. Hey! Oi, oi, oi! Wagga!

Shut up! Here's your fucking sauce spoon. Here's the clean sauce spoon that you dropped on the floor and then rubbed all over the dirty couch. I didn't drop it on the floor. How's the couch dirty? Because I know for a fact this particular cloth has not been washed in a good few months

and we've recorded a lot of sweaty episodes on this. Stop drawing attention to the House of Ham and Eggs' hygiene level. Of which there is precious little.

Stop putting things on the table. Oh, where are we going to have to? How are we going to apportion the sauces? Put it on the floor and bring... See, you're making

more noise again. Get your fucking sherbet dib-dab off then. You were going to... I would have had to have bought a new telly then. No, we're all right. Paul, you are out of control. You almost went through the window earlier.

Just calm down with the physical violence. I know you're tired. You had a long shift, didn't you? Sorry, Daddy. Let's start with this. The manufacturer is Kimball. Oh, we're straight into it. Source number one is a Kimball'm sorry let's start with this the manufacturer is kimball oh we're straight into it sauce number one yes is a kimball sauce that's the name of the company it has sauce chili see which i sauce chili is and it's called bawang puti and it also says on it

tampa pangawet what accent what language is that it's filipino isn't it i don't know did you do any research i just like the look of this one you do research for your? I think it's Filipino, isn't it? I don't know. Did you do any research? No, I just like the look of this one. You do research for your sauce report. Otherwise, it's not a report, is it? Describe it to them. Well, the sauce in itself comes in a ketchup-shaped bottle in many respects. I like the design. And inside, the sauce is red with bits in.

What do you think those bits are? Well, it looks like garlic and there's chili. Garlic and chili. It's a garlic and chili sauce. I think it'll have a sweetness. Now, let's just do our due diligence and find out where this sauce is from. What's it called? It says chili garlic sauce.

There's actually a British translation on the neck. Yeah, but it doesn't say where it's from, does it? Malaysia, it says on here. There you go. Malaysia. It's Malaysian. Great place for a hot sauce, Malaysia. Right.

It's in the Philippines, I believe, that they like to have their ketchup, did you know this, Paul, with banana in instead of tomatoes? Banana ketchup? Yeah. I've never heard of such a thing. We should get some of that on the show, shouldn't we?

Have we not had that? No. Have we not had a banana sauce? Which was Filipino, I believe. And that was made out of... What was that made out of again? Because I remember it being the worst thing ever. It's got lovely consistency and colour, this.

It does have a nice thickness. And how do you feel about that kind of flavour profile? Garlic and chilli. Depends on what it's with, though, isn't it? Would you like that to be a drier or a sweeter sauce, do you think? Drier, personally. Now, here is your individual trio of crackers. I have...

We've got three sauces to taste. Why are they called cream crackers? Are they made with cream? No. Is there a type of cracker that isn't a cream cracker? I have no idea why it's called a cream cracker. It's weird. Here comes the cream cracker.

Murderer. What is this? Wheat and flour? There's no cream in it. Veg spoil? There's no dairy in it, no. Jacob's Cream Crackers, the UK's most well-known cracker brand, has been there since 1885. They're the only one that call them in it, no. Jacob's Cream Crackers, the UK's most well-known cracker brand, has been there since 1885.

They're the only one that call them cream crackers, maybe. Known to be a true British masterpiece, the crispy, light and creamy Jacob's Cracker are based... Fuck off, creamy. With the finest yeast and wheat flour. Cream crackers are the perfect snack with a cup of tea or coffee. Have you ever...

What are you on about? No, that's weird. There's something weird. I've never had... Oh, cup of tea or coffee. Have you ever? What are you on about? No, that's weird. There's something weird. I've never had, oh, cup of tea, darling. Oh, and pass me a Jacob's cream cracker to dunk in. Ugh, I say. That's just bullshit. It's like an AI wrote that. It says, in Ireland, they were usually spread with butter and jam

accompanied by a glass of cold milk for supper. Well, that makes sense to me. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? Says he. It's a traditionally Irish snack. Weird. Why are they called cream crackers? Oh, is Jacob's Cracker an Irish company?

Must be, yeah. Oh, I think they are. So I always knew they were baked. This is from a blog article about American Irish food or something. Jacob's Bakery in Dublin, but I thought the recipe originated in England. To my delight,

I discovered the cream cracker is a true Irish original and an authentic taste of Ireland. Oh. So there you go. Peculiar. Joseph Horton, a Dublin man, invented the cream cracker

in his home. The first crackers were baked commercially by William Jacob around 1885, and ever since, Irish people have been doing them with cheese or savoury

or sweet toppings. You never fucking put them with tea. And no one says cream either. You notice cream is never mentioned. Their popularity spread to the UK and as far in America, the closest they have is the Matzo Cracker. Exactly what I was going to say, which is unleavened bread, which is for the Jewish faith.

Yeah. Because there's that stipulation in part there, isn't there? Yeah. You have to have unleavened bread for Passover, don't you? So when it comes to cream cracker, apparently the name refers to the method in which the mixture is creamed during the manufacturing process. There you go.

Not an actual ingredient. There you go, you found out. Well, there we go. Like creamed corn. Yeah, I guess. It's just the way it's all mulched together and then made into the cracker. Like cream of mushroom soup. Well.

Like cream of mushroom soup. It's the cream of the mushroom. Yeah, it's not mulched together and then made into the cracker like cream of cream of mushroom soup well like cream of mushroom soup it's the cream of the mushroom yeah it's not a creamy mushroom it's not creamy mushroom which would be nice as well probably or when you cream someone doesn't mean you no it just means you punch them in the face or something and cream their face yeah yes it's cream as a verb to cream to cream to beat to whisk interesting to thrash thank you for looking that up paul there we we go. That's good content for the Sauce Report because these are... I hope someone learnt something then. I did. These cream crackers will be the receptacle should you wish for tasting the sauces.

I think I'm going to try a cracker. And I'm... Don't know about you, but I'm filled with anticipation for trying the Kimball brand Boang Poti. Yeah, let's go for it. It is a garlic and red chilli sauce. Yes, we've made that. It's very abundantly clear. I'm going to get a huff on this sauce. Huff time.

Wow, that's really umami. Really the... Oh, that's got love. There's strong hints of garlic with the sweet chilli after scent. You can smell it all. It's got good amplitude. Do you know what I mean? Yes. I'm going to dribble a bit. Are you going to dribble a bit? You can have a spoon. I've given you your spoon. It's quite thick. Well, you know what I mean yes I'm going to dribble a bit are you going to dribble a bit you can have a spoon

I've given you your spoon it's quite thick well you know what you do you tap the it's like ketchup ketchup you do that yeah tap just under there I bet it will

I can tap the top put it on the table is it coming out at all yeah is it really I'm just afraid of crawling down the neck at a snail's pace

it's a chunky mistress oh is it chunky it's a very it's very chunky it's not chunky I don't I think it chunky? It's a very... It's very chunky. It's not chunky. I think it's smooth. It's just thick. No, it's chunky.

It's viscous. It's extremely viscous. You've got the Pope's nose coming over the lip now. It's dipping out. I've got a turtle head. You've got the turtle head poking out the end of the...

It's way coming out. Come on, mate. I just don't want to get... Oh, there it goes. There we go. I've got a little bloblet. Oh, it's like jam, funnily enough, isn't it?

Action jam. I'm going to put some in a spoon. I want to get... Oh, there it goes. There we go. I've got a little bloblet. Oh, it's like jam, funnily enough, isn't it? Action jam. I'm going to put some in a spoon. I want to get the pure. Well, down the hatch it goes for this, man. I'll go and taste it. Oh. Isn't it nice? God, it's really thick.

It's strange. It's like a very garlicky... Not Tabasco. Sriracha. Sriracha. Yeah. So it's related to Sriracha. It's like closer to that star of the sauce.

It's got a nice little sting of chilli at the end. Oh. Is it very hot? No, not hot at all. It's more like a light spanking. Is it sweet? What's the sweetness like? It's quite sweet, actually. Oh my god, it's not coming out at all, mate. You've got to really bash it. You're going to have to cream it.

Oh, you've got it everywhere. Isn't it coming out? Because you're slapping at it like the fucking chimp at the beginning of 2001. Come on. I keep expecting you to... Oh, it's on the table now. I'm going to eat it off the table.

He sampled. He sampled it. It's pleasantly nice. I think I prefer that to sriracha. Yeah. I actually agree. It's more interesting flavour-wise. There's notes that pop in and out.

It's good garlic. Yeah. Yeah. But you get the chilli sting at the end. A little tingle. Yeah, but it's not really... The main thing is the sugar and the garlic

very umami, very embraced. What would you have that with, though, then? Anything. Put that on noodles. Imagine. Yeah, noodles, I guess.

Chicken. Anything. Dipping. You could use it as a dipping sauce as well for spring rolls or anything fried like that. Spring rolls would be

perfect for that. Do you know what I mean? In fact, I think's like a better alternative to like a thai sweet chili sauce which is kind of can be quite runny i'm gonna give that four out of five i don't know whatever it is we fucking call this bit source report reports no i'm just gonna call it blobs oh i did wasn't meant to do something at the top of this source report what because it's such a you really want to do that about 15 minutes yes i do right you can cut it this source report. What? Because it's such a big... Do you really want to do that about 15 minutes in now? Yes, I do. Right. You can cut it into the beginning if you like,

because it is very special. It's the special name for the source report, which is where I say the word source report in between every word of source report. God! So it goes like this. Source report, source, source report, report, source report. Yeah, it's got a catchy... No, it's not.

That is the antithesis of catchy. Source report, source, source report, report,... It's kind of catchy. That is the antithesis of catchy. Source report, report, source report. Ah, yes. Eli's source report, Silverman's source report, is source report, a source report,

cunt source report, source report, cunt. Now, let's move on, Paul. This is... What did you rate out of five? Oh, I'm going to give it 4.5. I'm high up. I like that a lot. Right, good.

I would eat that with a lot of wide variety of dishes and food. Next. I'm handing it to you. Oh, I'm going to give it 4.5. I'm high up. I like that a lot. Right, good. I would eat that with a wide variety of dishes and food. Next. I'm handing it to you. Oh. It's a similar size bottle. It's by a company called Pantai, I think. Hot and spicy suki sauce. See, I got this because I don't think we've had a suki.

It's some kind of sauce type called a suki. It looks quite similar to the sauce we just tasted. I think it's a lot runnier. I'll say that for a start. Yeah, it does have a little bit of a flip-flopping about. It's less viscous. Well, that will save us some time, won't it?

That will save us some time. So, suki sauce, also known as Cantonese sukiyaki sauce. Oh, it says Thailand here then. Yeah, it's Thai. It was created to go with popular Thai-style sukiyaki, also known as steamboat,

shabu-shabu, or hot pot. It's a hot pot sauce. What does that mean? You know, hot pot is big fad in East Asia, huge. And they're getting them in London now. It's where everyone sits around a sort of big bowl thing, basically, the hot pot, and it's got broth in it, like quite a sort of vegetable meat broth.

And then they give you all raw vegetables and little pieces of meat, and you basically cook it yourself. You get a little bit of steak and you dump it in and it cooks it and like and it's everyone shares and it doesn't appeal to me it might be a bit of fun

if you go with friends but if there's a bunch of strangers and there's a guy like dribbling over it no you wouldn't do that you always do it but it's something that wouldn't arise

here in the west would it because no one everyone gets their own plate of food yeah mine it's mine I think in East Asia it's much more like sharing. Everyone shares from the same box.

Culturally, it's much more acceptable than it is in the West. Yeah, and it's huge. Apparently, hot pot is really, really popular. And in fact, I saw these fucking portable hot pot things that have this sort of chemical heater, like an instant noodle, but for a whole fucking hot pot, which we should try once. Yeah, we should.

They've got them. They're like 11 quid. And it's like, you know, the equivalent would be... Buying a barbecue. A throwaway barbecue that had the meat or the sauce in already. Weird. Do you see what I mean?

We need to get one. I think I really would like to look into that. Maybe on a special edition. Yeah, we could take it out to the park with us. Yes. Do a hot pot, open air hot pot. Mate, it's percolating. The ideas of a new other outdoor adventure are percolating.

They certainly are now. The outdoor hot pot adventure. I think this is the source that goes with that, but it could be quite similar to other sources. I want to do something on this segment, which we've never done before. I think it's an important thing to add to the segment. We've never done the pop.

Because you know, these are all sealed. These are sealed. Yes. Did you notice? Yeah. I want everyone to hear the pop where the lid will pop out so you know it's been tampered with or opened, you know? It's a lovely...

So here we go. Lovely bottles, lovely glass bottles, like ketchup bottles. I want everyone to enjoy the pop. Here we go. Lovely. I think, you know what I mean? Yes. It's an important element we've not added to the show before.

No, it's a great sound. It's a great noise. Oh, this one does smell hot off the top. There's none of that sweetness. More chilli on the half there. Oh, vinegar as well. Yes, more vinegary. It's definitely more tart.

I'm very vinegary and chilli. You're right, but I'm getting very little garlic at all, if any. No. There's no garlic on the nose. It's well buried, that. That'll be hotter. This is going to be harsher. Yeah, of course. It's a suki hot sauce. There are flames on the label. I mean buried that that'll be hotter this is going to be harsher yeah of course

it's a suki hot sauce there are flames on the label I mean yeah but this is a chilli sauce the one we try but there are no flames on the label I would feel comfortable

giving that to a family there's actual flames on it yeah if you add flames to something you're either a twat biker or you make hot sauce Paul please do be careful

not to get everything dirty or a Romulan bird at prey because that's going to come out at twice the speed at least hey Star Trek fans oh. Or a Romulan bird at prey. Because that's going to come out at twice the speed at least. Hey, Star Trek fans? Oh, shut up. A Romulan bird at prey? They are blatant.

Don't get into Star Trek. What do you think about the Kelvin timeline? Please shut up. And the Borg is Star Trek. Is that what's going to happen? Are we mutating into a Star Trek podcast? Oh, it's very runny. Yes, be very careful, please.

Here we go. I'm going to put a little bit on. That's it. Enough. You've got enough there. See, expert. I thought I was going to be using the spoon method. See how I did that like a human.

What do you think about tasting it on a cracker? Can I just say, did you notice how I poured that out like a human and not like some feral beast trying to crack an egg with a stone? Nice. Right. Crack an egg with a stone.

I like that. Okay. Now he's looking at me Pouring into the spoon Waiting me to fuck up Is what you're doing Because you know Waiting for me to fuck up

Weirdly You're quite good at operation But you can't pour sauce How does that work? I'm also quite good at Pac-Man The Tomy Yes As people will see on Digitizer

I'm going to post it on our website But there's a Tomy challenge coming up On Digitizer And it's a very funny episode And it features both of us and ash and quang and tony harris i'm going in you're going in now this does have bits it has bits of seed chili seed in it oh it's much hotter very sweet nice that's sweet not as sweet as the

other no and not as uh gloopy obviously not as syrupy that's a very warm comforting hot heat it's good isn't it i like that sauce a lot. That's very nice. I'd say with the cracker, I think it gives you the right delivery because I know you did it by the spoon. I'll try it with the cracker. It adds a nice little bit of texture and I think the cream cracker spices it up a little bit more. We need to just, there we go.

You see how it's a good delivery system. So, I'm going to give that another four. What do you prefer though? The sweeter first one? That's going to depend on what I'm eating. If I had spring rolls, maybe the first one What do you prefer, though? The sweeter first one? That's going to depend on what I'm eating. If I had spring rolls, maybe the first one. The second one, I don't know. Maybe with noodles or with rice or something.

I think I'd go for the second one. It's got a bit more punch, basically. They're both very delightful in very different ways. Tasty. Yeah, but not too off-putting. Not like off-puttingly hot where you can't really enjoy it. No, absolutely not. There's still flavour there.

Now, that may come to an end with our final sauce because the final sauce I'm going to hand to you you've mentioned this kind of sauce before have we? Today yes it's a very famous style of sauce sriracha. Sriracha? Which is another Thai, originally Thai I believe. Super hot chilli sauce

there's an eagle on the cover and it says super hot. I can't tell you where it comes from. It's super hot. That's the point. Now we both tasted Sriracha before but have we tasted super hot? No.

So we're going to look at we're looking at how fucking hot this fucking bad boy fucking is. By a company called Thangy? No it's

Thailand. It's a Thailand. Shut up. I'm here doing your shitty segment. Oh it's not a shitty why do you have to bring that up?

It only tangentially has anything to do with cheap items. Sauce is cheap. Sauce also helps to... Fucking time is cheap. Sauce spices up cheap, bland food. Sauce is very integral to cheapness. This won't stand up in a quart of sauce. Order!

Do you... I am lord of the sources. You be standing. Wait, we need to swear you in on the source Bible. Tabasco. Tabasco, put your hand on the source Bible and repeat after me. I, Eli Silverman. I, Eli Silverman.

Do solemnly swear. Do solemnly swear. To love, honour and obey. To love, honour and obey. Daddy Gannon. Oh, fuck yourself. I was touching that sauce as well. I know, that means it's legally binding.

Now, I'm going to have a hoof of this. It comes in one of those nice bottles. Is it safe to say that Sriracha, over the last few decades, has been the most sort of biggest success in the hot sauce sort of world? Well, it's one of those things that I... It was associated with hipsters, wasn't it? Well, it was like maybe 10, 15 years ago, no one talked about it on the streets. No.

But these days, oh, crisp flavours and all sorts, they all dive in. And I remember we read a report how British palates are changing and British people are preferring hotter sauces. Good. And so it is sort of the closest to a ketchup, a sriracha, that is spicy. Do you see what I mean?

Yes, because it's not made of tomatoes. There's no tomato. It's just sugar, chilli and garlic. Very similar, all three sauces. Two from Thailand, one from Malaysia. It's a very umami smell. There's a hint of the heat in here, but it looks deadly, mate.

It's a very darker red. Is it a darker red than your usual sriracha? Yeah, it's very darker red. It's slightly redder and less orange than normal. And look, we're doing it in the sight of the big Tabasco bottle. Yes. Tabasco's great, but I thought this week I've gone for these East Asian styles. Yeah.

Because it's not another Mexican one. True. Do you know what I mean? We did a lot of Mexican and Caribbean ones. And Mexican's my favourite, I think. We haven't done a lot of these East Asian Chinese or Thai. No, we don't come across them very often. See what I mean?

So it's been a good sauce report and we've opened a whole world of sauce up here and we learned about crackers and crackers now I like Mexican sauces

anyway preferably I think they're top best that's my favourite they're your favourite you prefer it to these ones sweeter again depends on the mood but by and large

oh that's a lot of sauce almost came a copper there you know what you should have done put the fucking nose on fucking can and then the smooth nozzle delivery system could have given you a better portion. Do you think I might have bitten off more sauce than I can chew?

Maybe you should sup it rather than take the whole mouth. I'm going to add mine to a cracker as per usual to remain consistent across the taste tests. Okay. There's a very dry chilli, sort of strong chilli odour, right? Oh, look at this. I'm drawing with it. I made E for Eli.

Oh, very good. Now, come on. Drip, drip, drip. Are we going to go in the same time? I'm going to enter at the same time, yeah. Three, two, one. Salty, very umami, very garlicky. There's a sweetness.

It's not as hot as the oven. There's the suki sauce, mate. No, I'm not getting much heat from that at all. Everything you said, I agree with. The flavour notes are there. They weave in and out, but not the heat. Is it just hot for sriracha? I guess so.

Or maybe we've got rock hard mouths. Maybe. No, that's not bothering me in terms of heat. You know, it leaves a tingle. But a nice sauce. It's a tasty sauce. Go nice with chips. Yeah.

Lovely. And it's thick enough. And they use gum. So they use gum. So it's hello, trendy sauce makers. I know gum might not be the best for you for thickening your sauce, but it's better than putting fucking carrots in. Do you know what I mean?

No to carrots. Which just leave a sort of pulp. It doesn't actually work to thicken it. It just puts carrot in your fucking hot sauce. No mulch carrot. No Jasper carrot. I like Jasper carrot. He had a great craft.

But I don't want Jasper carrot in my sauce, do I? I don't want creamed Jasperot in my sauce, do I? I don't want creamed Jasper Carrot in my sauce, do I? Cream of Carrot. Fucking make a fucking funny monologue about that. Didn't he have an album called Cream of Carrot? Maybe. Which is his blue material. Was it?

Yeah. It's all of him wanking. I can't imagine Jasper Carrot fucking telling stories about how he's fucking gurning his milk. All I'm saying is if he did have one, it could be called cream of carrot. It could be. Yeah.

And it amuses me to think there's one album out there. Well, there's amusing to think that there's an album full of him making wanking sounds. And it's called cream of carrot. And then he goes, Oh, Moley at the end.

Moley wanks him off. Yeah. Go on. Do a fucking funny monologue about that. Funky moped. Spunky moped more like. Thank you. Right. So I enjoyed that. I would giveoped. Spunky moped, more like. Thank you. Right, so I enjoyed that.

I would give it three out of five, though, because it's probably hot for Sriracha, but I'm not a huge Sriracha fan. Do you think everything that that

extra hot Sriracha does is done better by the Suki sauce, basically? And it's got texture as well. It's like having the bits in. It's got the...

I quite like that. What did you think of that texture thing? It's the difference between drinking orange juice with the bits in, which's got the... I quite like that. What did you think of that texture thing? It's the difference between, like, drinking orange juice with the bits in, which I like, and then bits without, which is kind of a bit...

And in terms of flavour profile, they're much closer together, aren't they? Yeah. They're very close. In fact, in many respects, we've kind of grown on the scale of potential heat, but I think the second one was where we've peaked. Yeah, that was the hottest, definitely.

This was nice. Which, again, was the hot and spicy Suki sauce, which is for hot pots. So is that going into a Hall of Fame now? This week's episode, like a best of the worst Red Letter Media thing. We could make it like that. Is it your favourite one? What's the best of the sauce?

The best of the sauce is today from you, Paul? Suki sauce. And from me. Suki sauce. That is the sauce report. And a special mention just before we go to this bottle of El Yakiteca Extra Reserve, which I've had for... What does that mean, Extra Reserve?

We've tasted it before. It's black. It's almost black. It's a very dark green. Have we used it before? Yeah. So then why the fuck are we talking about it now again? I'm just saying it's great sauce.

This is sauce content. It's great sauce. People want to hear about the sauce. We've talked about it already. Hey, everyone. Remember that? That was great sauce. Yes.

All about the sauces. Thank you very much. And I'm looking forward to more Action Jam news coming at you. I accept your jam news. Chili jam. I am open. I would take your jam. It's chili jam, isn't it?

I accept your jam with open arms. Is there chili jam? Yes. We haven't done that, have we? No. Get your hands on some of that chili jam, baby. I don't know about you, but we're coming up with exciting sauce-based and jam-based projects coming up. Hey, who knows?

Maybe next year we're going to become Jam Show. No. Sauce Show. Well, I'd go for that. Spinoff Pod. Eli's saucy show. Listen, I'm working on talking with Spinoff Pods. I know we're still in the source report officially,

but we are doing night bussing, and I've been thinking about roots. Oh, yeah, night bussing. I've been thinking about roots. I've been thinking about snacks, and I'm thinking about roots and snacks. So, you know, night bussing may I've been thinking about roots, I've been thinking about snacks, and I'm thinking about roots and snacks. So, you know, night bussing may be coming. We just don't know.

Can you just sense, can you sniff it? The excitement of what's ahead. All the plans we've got. All our 250 episode. Yes. There's a lot coming up. There's a lot coming up on Cheap Show. I am filling my penis with blood.

Really? As we speak. Can you do that consciously, like that? Yeah, I'm doing it. Hang on. Can you go Avanardon and just go... Hang on, listen, you can hear it. Nice hydraulic noise. Oh, it

pops, it pops out. It's good, yeah. No, it's a little man that's come up the top. No, it hasn't. What's his name? No, he's not. He's not a little man. Listen. I'm Stevie Meaters. Stevie Meaters. No, it's good actually that you've come, Stevie. Stevie, what brought you out?

I've been silent too long. Okay, and why? What is your... I wanted to just say that I've seen things. Yeah, what have you seen? You've seen things in Paul's bollocks, have you? He doesn't know I've seen the things. You get back in there!

Who was that little man that you're shoving back into your... Oh, he's gone back in. He's popped back in now, everybody. I won't be silent no more. No, this is getting horrific now, Paul. I won't be silent no more. Pop Stevie Meeters back in his home. I think, Eli, you're going to have to push him in yourself.

Oh, right. Put your thumb on the tip. Oh, no. Oh, he's gone. There you go. Well, I'm sorry, everyone, for the reveal of Stevie Meeters. And I'm sorry everyone For the reveal of Stevie meters And I'm sorry that Most of my gags

Have been about things Coming out or going Into penises this week Oh they really have I don't know what's going on The whole thing with my nuts Nestling within my foreskin I will make

I will make an amend And that amend is an apology And that apology goes thus Apology report I am Paul Gannon And I apologise For my penis based material this week

I will make an effort not to do any more penis material for the foreseeable future thank you thank you and good meetas good nightas

good meetas night oh we got nothing this is ending stop trying to make it funny right at the end it will never be just play the fucking sound effect

let's go to the fucking nothing's going to be meters you've been putting a little gnome in your fucking penis you've been doing a five minute bit about some little man coming out of your cock why do i put up with this and my thumb pushed his head back in just press stop and that's the end of cheap show this this week. Exciting things are ahead.

So, admin time. Bear with us. We'll make it quick. Here we go. First of all, pictures to accompany this episode are on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Also on that website, there are links to Tony's merch page, which is fantastic. Our merch page for logos and crazy cool shit. We've also got Event's wonderful print edition of the official unofficial Cheap Show magazine,

issue 12, coming real soon. It's going to be a banger. And there's also links to being a patron if you'd like to be a patron too. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Give what you can, but only if you can. And thank you to everyone who continues to support this wacky show. Thank you. What else? Oh, yeah, P.O. Box.

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I'm at Paul Gannon Show at the Cheap Show Pod and Eli is Eli Snoid spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D and what else? I've got a radio show

music radio show on Soho Radio you do what's the website? The House of Pickles Sound Show Soho Radio dot com you can listen live this Sunday coming up from 2 till 4,

and that is our 100th episode of the House of Pickles Sound Show, Paul. Oh, 100! Apparently, there's some person who I'm not sure, but who has collated every episode, and we're at 100, yeah. Well, congratulations. Thank you. It's a lovely listen to on a Sunday, I think. All the music, all lots of music, and you can listen this week.

And we might have some interesting news. We won't say until it's confirmed, but we might be doing something else for Soho Radio, which is exciting, isn't it? Very exciting. Very exciting indeed. So there's that. And if you want to email the show about anything,

you've got to tell us from the shop floor or the dance floor or just a little anecdote or a correction, it is thecheapshow at gmail.com. And that's all they have been done. Thank you. Right, can I say something about my Willie? No, you can't. Can I say something tonight about my Willie?

Pick it up, band. Come on, come on, pick it up. Bow bow, dude, bow bow. Can I say something tonight about my Willie? It's sad. Bow bow, bow bow. It's sweeping metres, drops of tears out its end. It's so bad

my spank smells of fish it's powdery dish and I wish you were here looking at my spank on the floor that brought a tear to my eye thanks for listening bye thanks for listening bye