CheapShow - Ep 246: The Suitcase

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

A few weeks ago, CheapShow received a mysterious package. Upon opening the box, Paul was surprised to find a black suitcase with the CheapShow logo cut into it. It came with a letter and a code breaking gadget and the secret sender challenged Paul and Eli to simply open the suitcase... It's now time to see what's inside! Recorded in "real time" with "barely" any editing, The Cheap Chaps are going to use all their mental strength and thrifty skills to unravel this mystery! Who sent the suitcase? Why? What is inside? Can Paul and Eli even get it open? Find out this week in a thrilling, shocking, emotional and deeply chaotic edition of the economy comedy podcast! Dare you learn the truth? See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-246-the-suitcase And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Behaviour. Say Behaviour, Eli. Behaviour, Eli. I'm weary. Already I'm weary. Right, here we go. I hope there's something good in the box, Paul. Here we go. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Cheap Show. This week it's a little bit different. So, the set-up's different.

We're kind of standing up, we're loose, and we're standing around a table. And that table contains a mystery, and that mystery is a suitcase. Are you going to allow me any words in this intro? Say something, then! Well, you never give me a fucking chance, do you? Because you don't listen. I'm listening. I listen.

It's a special suitcase edition of Cheap Show. Yeah. Ooh, it's a suitcase edition. Attaché. It's an attaché case. We've discussed that, Paul. Hello, I'm Eli Silverman. Hello, I'm Paul Gannon.

Yes. Woo. So we're doing this a little bit differently. Ooh, my visor's knocking the... Don't take your visor off then, because it's not on camera. Yeah, but they know. Anyway, let's explain what's going on.

Can you feel the visor? Can you feel my visor, baby? Can you feel my visor? I'm going to fucking hit you. I will hit you. And then that would be over, though. It would be over before it started. And we'll never get to see what's in Invent and others.

Well, let me explain what's in Invent and others. Let me explain what's coming up on the show today, Paul. Today, we are investigating a mysterious suitcase. I've posted this on Twitter in the past. It's a black attaché suitcase with the Cheap Show logo cut into it. It's embossed. Anti-embossed. Anti-embossed. Is that like uncle embossed? No.

Ho, ho, ho! I'mossed no i'm on fire it's uh it's the reverse of embossed as in it's removed it's been cut out yeah the logo has been cut out of this attache case all i know is that a few weeks ago even who is the editor creator and mastermind genius behind the unofficial official cheap show magazine which you can buy physical copies of at cheapmag.shop, if you're interested. She got in touch and said, oh, this has been put together. Did she say ooh? No, she didn't go ooh.

Did she write ooh at the beginning of the email? No. Right, so that was what? Just an artefact of your mind? That's what she said now. It was an artefact of your mind? Ooh! Do people usually fucking say that?

It's just Paul Gannon world this isn't it I'm sick of your language right so on with the story fuck me so then said you want to do something different we're gonna put a whole episode of cheap show in a suitcase full of mysteries and secrets and puzzles that's my own noise yes we want to do it

okay we want to pound this I want to pound this suitcase hard Paul I'm gonna don't know what's in this case. I'm going to pound this mystery. I pound grapefruit. Mate, I'm going to fucking go mad. So, there's a few more things. Okay. We're filming this as well,

and it will be available to Patreons to watch as we investigate this suitcase. Is that Patreons at every tier, Paul? Yes, all tiers. So, wow. It's a full weep. It's a video weep it's a full weep there's that many tears oh god i don't like this guy so there's that we've got the suitcase and we're going to do this in real time rough and ready as it goes as much as possible rough riders

yes and it begins after the credits so are we ready i'm ready paul i'm looking forward to this i'm a bit overexcited and i'm ready to do it let's do this after the credits. So are we ready? I'm ready, Paul. I'm looking forward to this. I'm a bit overexcited. And I'm ready to do it. Let's do this. Roll the credits. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept.

Cheap Show. Off-brand, frat-lop, off-brand, frat-lop. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap Show. It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle

Hello Now how do we start approaching this box? What are the instructions we have at the beginning? I want to take this journey right from the start And I don and I nuzzle. Hello. Now, how do we start approaching this box? What are the instructions we have at the beginning? I want to take this journey right from the start and I don't want to cheat. All right, now, can I just assure the listeners? I haven't seen what's inside this box. I haven't seen it.

I can't get in. You don't know. I don't know. None of us know. We don't know. It could be filled with shit. Could be. Or come, which is one of those tales from the shop floor.

A torn out fanny in loads of corn. That's what it could be. Torn out fanny. That's what it was. We need to contact the police in that case. It wasn, which is one of those tales from the shop floor. A torn out fanny in loads of corn. That's what it could be. Torn out fanny. We need to contact the police in that case. It wasn't a real one. Well, when you say the words

torn out fanny, you have to really specify if it's real or not because if it's on that real side of the... It's a real time episode. Can we not spend a lot of the real time

talking real shit? Right? All I'm saying is, you know... Not only did we get the suitcase, but in the box right all I'm saying is you know not only did we god damn you not only did we get the suitcase

but in the box it came in were these two dice shakers these are two halves of a dice no two separate dice shakers

yeah I'll show them to the camera I'll show them to the camera here we go nothing unusual about them they're just are they for baccarat I don't know

also came this little top secret you don't play baccarat? I don't know. Also came this little top secret. You don't play baccarat with dice. Oh, no. Backgammon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It came with a... A spinner. No, it's not. It's a top secret decoder. Codebreaker. Okay. Right.

So it'll be some codebreaking. How do you feel about your codebreaking skills, Paul? We'll see. I don't know what... It's in this envelope now. I'm up for some codebreaking. Good, because that's probably what's going to happen finally what came with it were three tins of a cherry drink which i'm sure we'll get to in the fridge so get them when we need to i think i'm sure we'll be told when sure so here's the letter and one of those cherry

drinks is called or should i not give it away i don't know save it till later because then we can just describe it it's got a good name has it? It looks like Spoffmeister or something. It's not Spoffmeister. Shame. Keep trying. Keep guessing. Along the spunk and sort of title. Cum Advisor.

Cum Lord. Cum Lord. Cum Lord Spunk Advisor. Here's the letter that came with the suitcase, and this is what will kick us all off. Seaman King. That would be a good chain, wouldn't it? Seaman King lord yes you see then what we're getting i am the jism lord mr spunk mr spunk no spunk mr okay mr spunk how come everything around you is so sticky

and gooey he's mr soft it could so be It could so be Mr. Spunk, couldn't it? Yeah, Mr. Soft. Anyway, moving on. Real-time episode. Real-time. TikTok, TikTok. It's like 24 or something, Paul. Right, so everything in this is a mystery.

Here we go. Hi there, the letter says. This box contains an entire episode of Cheap Show. To get started, chill the included drinks for later use. I've chilled them. I already had that fucking intuition about them needing to be chilled.

Also, one of the cans says keep chilled on the can. So that's what really gave me the idea. Hello everyone, I'm Eli Silverman. Chill the included drinks for later use and decode the following message using the code wheel with the setup that C equals S.

When decoded, it will tell you the combination to open the box. Good luck. Name withheld. Mystery. Shall I set it to that now? Can you just repeat that for the...

So the setup is C equals S. So we've got this... Explain what you're doing with the little circle. There are two alphabets. Yes. Two circles, and there's an outer alphabet and an inner alphabet. So do we want the C on the outer to be matched with S on the inner?

That must be what that would take that to mean. I guess we'll find out because if it makes no sense with that way around, we can just reverse it. We can reverse it, yes. But you see what I mean? Right. It doesn't specify the... I've got a pen! Oh, God.

How do we start this episode? You are the worst. There's a pen. We've got one. Just check it works. Yes, it works. We've got a working pen, everybody. So if C equals S, then the first word is C-S-H.

So what is C? So it's S. So I'm going to say it's 6 off the top of my head. H is, no. No, S is next. So C-S and then H. So what is S? C-S is I. So I'm going to say H is, no. S, no, S is next. So C, S, and then H. So what is S? C, S is... Come on.

I. I. So I'm going to say H is X. It is, Paul. Right, so six is the first number. We'll put it in at the end. Let's do the other two. So the next one...

Oh, we're doing all right. Yeah, we're doing all right. Hang on. So this is their five-letter number word. So what, it's going to be seven or eight? You think it's going to be another number? Well, yeah, it has to be if we get into the suitcase. Okay, let's just do this quickly. So put it ahead. What's gonna be seven or eight? You think it's gonna be another number? Well, yeah, it has to be if we get into the suitcase. Okay, let's just do this quickly.

So, let's go ahead. What's a five letter number? No, look, let's just get the first couple. I reckon it's eight. If D equals E, then it's eight. Or it could be three. No, it's not gonna be three, is it? No, D equals T.

Oh, so it's D-S-W-O-C. So if T equals- D- T. Oh. So it's D-S-W-O-C. So if D-S... D-S-W. D. D equals T, yeah? S is I. S is I. W is M. M.

And then what after that? O. O. O? Is that E? O? E, yeah. So, okay.

What have we got so far on this one? What have we got so far on this one? T-I-M-E. T-I-M-E. So time. I reckon C is... Six times. So it's six times because it's C at the end. D-S-W-O-C.

So times. We're going to just assume that's times and not do the other last two. That's what it is. Look, see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we don't know C and O and C is. O is E. Yeah. And C is... S is s that's how we started yes

right so then the last one is jobby j-o-b-y j-o-b-y kush to walk jobby kish to walk jobby j is zed is it yeah so o is what e six times z b is what? E. Six times Z. B is what? R. Jaw. So Y is O? Y is... Is Y O? Y O.

Y O, Y O. So six times zero is six. Nope. Nope. Zero. No. No. Zero. Yes. No, six times nothing is six. No.

No. Think about it, Phil. Six times... How many sixes? I give you no sixes. How much have you received? Six. No.

Twat. Six zero. So six times zero is... Anything times zero is zero. So does that mean the code is zero, zero, zero to get into the suitcase? What have we got written down?

Six times zero. So what's the code then? Oh, six times zero. Yeah. So yes. So it's zero, zero, zero. Ooh. Do you want to enter

into the suitcase? We could be wrong. We're going to find out otherwise it's going to be a really long fucking episode but I can't think I mean I'm going to set zero

to all of the there's locks what would you call this combination locks combination locks it's a double combination lock attache case that's nice

it's a nice case isn't it nice very sturdy nice double zero zero zero we're going to set them to zero zero zero zero zero zero

so we're off mic we've got a little table in front of us where the suitcase is laid And that's where we'll be doing most of this The suitcase is laid down there So that's why This is the moment of truth 1 No

No We were wrong The answer is no So what is it then Did yours come out What do you have to do We were wrong. The answer is no. Shit. So what is it then? Did yours come out? What do you have to do? Don't you press it down? Oh, mate, this is going to be a shit show.

Pull it back. Pull it back. Yes! We're in. We pulled back and revealed. It was the simple direction of the button there. Oh, I was worried there for a second. Yeah, I was genuinely worried there for a second. Well, we could just drink the soda.

It's a weird episode already. Okay. Let's open the suitcase. Here we go. This is it. Three, two, one. Ooh. Ooh.

Okay. There's another letter. Hi, Paul and Eli. Shall I? You read it now, yeah. Hi, Paul and Eli. Shit, there's a load of fucking stuff in here. We'll look in the suitcase in a minute.

Well done on opening the box, thank you. There's quite a few things to find here. First of all, locate the three price of shite items. They're labelled, Paul, if you want to get on with this. Price of shite item number one, number two and number three. You need to locate that. Don't try and disturb everything. Okay, that's number one. Got number one.

I'm looking at this piece of paper that this message is on, Paul, and it seems like there's something hidden inside it, like a sticker. I hope I'm not giving the game away there, but Paul, because I'm holding this up to the light. Do you see what I'm seeing here? there's a sticker inside this hang on, let's have a look

doesn't it look like that? or is that a watermark? it's just the printing effect weird no, it looks like it, but no, there's nothing I thought for a minute they were like are we going to have to run this over an open flame and get another code to come out?

so I don't know if you're right. I have the three Price of Shite items. What does it say? You've got all three? Okay. You can also find the answers in an envelope. So there should be a Price of Shite envelope. You got that? There it is. No, that's an item.

Here's the envelope. Price of Shite. This is a fantastic thing. I'm loving all of this. I'm excited now, Paul. I'm also quite hungover from the weekend. There we go. I'm sweating now.

Don't you not allow to say that? You can't say that. I'll edit it then. You've made me edit this. Because of your drug addiction. Honestly, Paul. Alright, I'll edit that out. Edit point.

Right. Okay, so we have all three. I can't believe you said that. Don't say that. I'll edit it out. Listen, there was already fucking cheap show people hanging around trying to see me there. It's all getting too real. Come on.

Read the letter. Ten minutes in. Come on. That's okay. Ten minutes is okay. Just give me a moment. I'm going to have a sip of green tea. Go read the fucking letter then while you wet your whistle.

I'm going to wet my whistle. Oh, fuck you. No. The lid wasn't on and I got wet. Splishy, splashy, facey, poorly. Poor, poorly, splishy, splashy, facey. All right, come on, read the letter. That was a moment, though.

Oh, my face. Sorry, I snotted green tea when you did that. You got a total splash up the nose. Right. Oh, it went up me nose holes. Go. You'll find the answer in an envelope. Right. Right. Oh, it went up me nose holes. Go. You'll find the answer in the envelope. Now.

Got it. Price of shite item number one. Holds a bit of a mystery, Paul. Right. It is a locked case. Okay. Indeed, this is a blind item. Blind underlined.

Right. What could it contain? Question mark. I don't know. Base your price on what you think it holds brackets note this is the item's original case so the code to get in is a bonus between a bonus between paul is up for grabs later if you manage to guess correctly apart from that regular rule to apply do you understand that what i just No. So the code to get in is the price of the item.

So if we guess it's £1, we put 1000. It's a lock case. Indeed, this is a blind item. What could it contain? Base your price on what you think it holds. And this is what it came in. That looks familiar to me. I think I had one growing up as a kid.

It's either like a domino set. It's a game's case, isn't it? Or of some sort. Backgammon game. It's funny you said backgammon. It's a games case, isn't it? Or some sort. A backgammon game. It's funny you said backgammon. It's a backgammon board, isn't it? Oh, maybe that's why those cups are here. Those cups.

You brought up backgammon. Yes, those are backgammon things. Yes. Backgammon. So maybe it's backgammon. So it's a box of games. It's probably got chess in. No, no.

I think that's just a backgammon board. It opens up and you get the whole backgammon. Yes, it clearly is. All right. But that doesn't help us open the actual lock. Because there's a lock on it. Base your price on what you think it holds. I don't know.

Because what's the limit here? You might have also seen a black bag. Let's just continue. See if there's another. There's a black bag in there. I don't know where we have to go with this now. There's a black bag in there. Black bag with a padlock and a deck of cards. Ignore the cards for now.

The black bag is titled the grab bag of crap. Oh. And contains items of mixed desirability. Right. That's getting ahead of ourselves, though. What are we going to do about this? First, unlock it, but don't look inside with the code. Yeah, the bag.

Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle, but thankfully the kids are all right. I think we're getting ahead of ourselves now. I think we just need to focus on this price of shite item. I don't know how we would move forward with this, Paul. I'm very confused. You have a look. Right. Oh, we've come a cropper.

You base your price on what you think it holds. Right, on the envelope. God. This is a blind item. What could it contain? Base your price on what you think it holds. A bonus between... Maybe we're not meant to get into it yet, then.

Why does Weizen make me sweat? What are we meant to do? I don't know. Right, that's it. It's over. Fucking, I'll get the soda. Let's just taste that. There's quite a few things to find in here.

First of all, locate the price... They're labelled price of shite one, two. You can also find the answers in an envelope. Johnny's one two you can also find the answers in an envelope now johnny's envelope also find the answer in an envelope now price of shite item number one holds a mystery it's a locked case indeed this is a blind item i'm going through my head okay base your price on what you think it holds okay so we're not meant to get into it then we've just got to guess what we think it is based on what the clues are so that's fine so we're just going to we're just going to guess the prices of these items. So we just open them.

So we can't check that one, though, because it's locked. Do you see? So we can open two and three, but we can't open one. That's a blind item. Oh, so should we move forward and open... So I'm going to guess, then, because that's what? A little box of... It's a backgammon game.

My price... I'm'm gonna write it down here we go all right so we're both having a guess are we yeah i mean we're playing for betwings it seems here as well yeah so there is going to be an overall winner between me and you of all the most betwings yeah this across the whole it's good to know it's good to know put that in the pocket we're all in it for the twing betwings so how much do you think that is eli then the backgammon yeah charity shop shop item is it a charity shop i think it's probably a charity shop type shop item why do i keep trying to say something i don't know can we move on we've wasted four minutes just figuring out one sentence of this letter i can't understand it though paul we're going by the best way possible

do i assume this is a charity shop bought item yes they are i imagine they all are fiverr fiverr it's a nice item i would see i was gonna say a fiverr too so i'm gonna say you can that is within the rules i'm gonna say based on what i think it is i think it's about £2.50 something like that okay so £2.50 yeah again it's hard to judge

because we don't have a cap on it how much the whole thing costs all together you know we're very much in the dark and they're very in the dark what are we doing though how is this moving forward

item two is this envelope so I'm going to open the envelope now okay here we go it's in there the item is in there yeah Item two is this envelope. So I'm going to open the envelope now. Okay. Here we go. It's in there.

The item is in there. Yeah. All right. Oh. Oh. Say what you see. Oh, it is crazy lips. Temporary lip tattoos.

It's leopard skin design. Leopard print. So they're stickers that you put on your lips. Should I do that now? How much do you think they're worth? Because they can't be that much. They look god awful. It's your turn to guess first.

I was going to say like 50p. And I'll go for 75p, Paul. That would be my guess. Crazy factory! You go in there and everyone's like you know killing each other what did you say 75p

yes crazy factory I'm really zoning out today go on put the lips on then we've guessed the price shall we shall I

I just want to read ahead while you're putting the lips on to make sure you can award yourself on your list you can award one of your listeners a goodie bag

courtesy of me have them solve this riddle let them get the triple digit code by a date you decide oh alright we'll get to that in a bit then so I guess we'll do this one bit at a time

once we've done all these three we'll review and then move on to the next segment yeah right here we go I hope that's how we're meant to do it anyway

that's how we're doing it just put the lips on why are you taking so long no I think you need to get them wet you have to get the lips on. Why are you taking so long? No, I think you need to get them wet. You have to get the lips wet before you can really stick them on your mouth.

So I might not pull, because I don't want to waste them. Do you know what I mean? Oh, alright. That's a shame. You can slaver them up. What's that say on the back? It is. I think they're transfer tattoos. You have to noise them. Cut to measure. Right. Open your mouth. Yeah, yeah. Open your mouth in a relaxed manner.

Say, oh, the outer line of the crazy lips are already shaped correctly. You should only cut on the inside of the mouth shape. Apply the lips. Applying. First apply to the upper lip and then the lower lip. Yeah, fucking yeah, of course you do. Then moisten. Moisten the paper back with a lot of water

and wait approximately 40 seconds. You need too much liquid. We don't have time for this shit. Fuck those lips. Now, are we starting with this blind item? No, we've got this one. We haven't looked at that. We've guessed that already.

Moving on to Price of Shite, item number three, Paul, if I may. Yes, you can open it. Now, this feels like a photo frame of some kind. It does. Very much like a photo frame. Look, even the Price is Shy has our little logo. Yeah, it's beautiful. I mean, you'll see this on the video. We're opening and shit. Yeah, he's opening it.

Get your fingers in. Don't dilly dally like the wet lips. Get your fingers right in. Mate, that didn't work at all. Come on. Real time. This is like Treasure Hunt. Oh, mate. Oh, time. This is like Treasure Hunt. Oh, mate. Oh, no. What is it? It's a novelty mirror.

Like the ones you used to see at fairgrounds as a child. Oh, no. What, like a warped one? No, they used to be Elvis ones and Beatles ones.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this one? Smart men wanted for the Cold stream guards. And it's got a picture of a guy in a... What is that? Oh, he's in a beefeater hat.

No, what is it? It's not a beefeater hat. It's a bear's lung. What's it called? A bear skin. No, is it? A sausage dog. A fairy sausage dog.

Big furry knob pole. Yes, that's what it is. What are those hats called? It's one of those hats that the guards wear outside. When they do the changing of the guards. What are they called? Come on. This is Trivia 101, Paul. We should know. I don't care. I don't care either but that's not what trivia is about. That's why

it's called trivia. So it's an advert for people to join the cold stream guards. I'll give them a hot stream guard. Yeah, what does that mean? A spunk on them. Yeah. You would go into a job interview for the military in this country

and just wank on. Look at that! You like that? I'm aggro! I work in the kitchen. I'll sign him to Prince Andrew. Yeah, exactly. Rates of pay.

I said that, you ignored me. I wasn't listening you cut me off oh you have to be at least 5 foot 8 and upwards fuck off yeah and have

9 years in the reserve army or 3 years that wouldn't be the case now they can't discriminate with height now which is a good thing so and what do you think this is then

this mirror it's my go to guess first as well. Got to get you into my guess. I just think someone in a charity shop would look at that and go, no one's going to buy that. No one's going to buy that. How are we going to get rid of it? Although we're hit by a bike for a bathroom.

It is made of glass. It's in good condition. It was an object that was mass produced. It's like a souvenir almost thing. Weird souvenir. Where would you even initially buy that?

You couldn't get it in fucking Lewis's. Well, I know that the sort of more pop culturally ones were given away as prizes a lot of the time in the fairgrounds.

You know what I mean? Those ones. It's more like something you find in a pub. I also saw someone bring an Elvis one into a record shop in Camden. Yeah.

And the guy had to explain to him that firstly, he didn't want to buy it. And secondly, it was a piece of shit. The guy's like, it's Elvis. People, you know what I mean? It's just like, what? Yeah, all right. How about Mother Teresa with her arms wide open

or Jesus Christ on the cross? You know, it's a mass produced items. Oh, look, it's Star Trek. It's Kirk giving a handjob to Riker. I'm thinking about £1.75. £1.75? For all those reasons I just gave. Let me write this down.

Mirror. Mirror. You say £1.75. Coldstream mirror. Call it that. Right. And I'm going to say it's... No, I'm going to say it's a bit more than that.

I'm going to say... I'm going to say £3 a bit more than that. I'm going to say... I'm going to say £3. Okay. Quite the difference. Right. Quite the difference. Petwings to be had here. Can we open it all up now? Wait, apart from the case's content, you find

a musical instrument of sorts, but forget about that now. First award the person with the most petwings. Remember to award the bonus for correctly guessing the non-edible content of the case a blind grab bag inside the grab bag of crap so I guessed it didn't I so I get the betwing for getting it as the backgammon

so do we carry on or just should we reveal these items first because I don't want to open the envelope and then find out it tells us won't the envelope tell us everything though where's the envelope with then find out it tells us everything. Won't the envelope tell us everything though? Where's the envelope with the answers in? Where have you put it?

There is no envelope with the answers in. There is because I got it out before. Get off. There is. There is no. Each one has their own individual envelope. No, no, no, no. There is one envelope that has all the answers on. I haven't done anything with it. What the f***? Mate, if we don't find this envelope has all the answers on it. I haven't done anything with it. What the f-

Mate, if we don't find this envelope, it all goes to shit. I don't know, you're wrong. I'm not wrong. It's in the box. Don't panic. There it is. Alright, you got it. You threw it over Ian, you stupid ninny griffin. I did not! Don't start blaming me for shit that you clearly did!

Should I open this envelope? Take that back. What? Take it back. Take what back? Did it not? Well, you accused me of fucking, I didn't do nothing with it. Did you throw it over there?

You did. I didn't do nothing with it. Did you tear it open? Yes, you fucking did. So therefore, if this ended up in the same place you threw the torn paper, I'm going to suggest that you

put it on the floor in the first place with that same erratic style of yours that you like to throw about. I did not, and you know it. Now, what is confusing me now, Paul, before you open that, does it say price of shite answers? It says price of shite items answers, yes. Item answers.

So is it just referring to these three? I don't want to open this and then find out that there's... It must be. There's only one price of shite per episode. We don't, you know... All right. And it's meant to be an episode in the box, so bear that in mind, Paul, yeah?

As a guiding principle. Right. These are the prices there are three i had a quick look and there are three just on the car each of these items the blind item which i reckon is the back gammon board has another envelope ribboned onto it well that's just the label to tell you that this is the price of shite it says keep zero enter code on last three digits there. What does that mean? Keep zero, and then enter. Keep zero, it says,

and there's a handlock on it. Maybe that's the price when it's revealed. So it's zero, and then the price. I'm just a bit confused around that area, Paul, but I think we're making good progress. Now I've lost the answers

that I wrote down. You are the worst with that, with your personal space. Right. Perhaps you stopped smoking so much cannabis all the time to self-medicate. Stop taking... I don't smoke during work. Oh, God.

I wish I could sometimes. To ease the pain. So, I'll give you the scores in the pen so I can read out the answers. So you don't think I'm going to fiddle anything. I wish you would sometimes. Buy me some flowers. I'll give you the scores of the pen so I can read out the answers, alright? So you don't think I'm going to fiddle anything, alright? Yeah, I wish you would sometimes. For the price of...

Buy me some flowers. You're the one who doesn't want to get your lips wet today. No. Ready? Here we go. I've got my pen and I'm ready to school. The between is coming down. Yes, Paul. I'll betwang you are coming down. Yes, Paul.

I'll betwang you in a minute. Here we go. Yes, Paul. Here we go. Right, first item is the mysterious case thing. You said £2.50. Eli said £5. The answer is £3.50.

Both off there. Now, what do you want to do Give us points Who are Heather's closest No no no If there's no betwings There's no betwings Paul This could be a betwingless episode then

Here we go The mysterious tattoo The terrible tattoo Lips The lips You said 50p Yeah Eli said

That's me everyone Eli Silverman 75p I said I got the betwing I'm feeling a betwing Give me a betwing Well the answer is 20p So no betwings receiver there

Oh fuck Right 20p Finally That's a bargain Finally Oh I've gone crazy Shut up

It's not This is not fucking Noel's house party It's the hot stream guards, Paul. I'll give you a hot stream yard. I'll give you a hot stream yard. We're both crutching. Real time episode, 25 minutes in.

And here we go. The cold stream guards mirror with the pay rates on it. You said what? Oh, I said what? You said three pounds. Eli said one pound 75. Did you? Yes.

Then you are not only correct, but absolutely spot on accurate. Wow. One 75. I could feel between his coming. I told you I could feel them coming. That's a good one to come. I felt those. One 75 is a great...

Wait. Yeah, you did say one. I did say 175. Alright, I was going to kick off. What? Because I thought I... Don't mistrust me! It's all above board, right? It is! Alright, I'm in the wrong. Right. Okay, at the end of that round just... It's two for twins,

three live. Yeah! Inattentive! Two for twins, three live. And that is all she wrote! And I'm going to get one for the prize of shy item. Sorry, I'm getting way to open the case. Does everyone like my tie-dye socks? Shut up.

They're not interested in that on the video. Nor are they interested in your spunk-stained jeans and your disgusting fucking Neil Breen black top that you wear. That was a good dig. What's in the case? How much is it worth? Right, so. What do we have to do

with this now? Well, look, the price for this case, mysterious case and content is 350. So maybe the code is 0350. Because remember it says zero and then the whatever.

Keep zero, enter code on last three digits. Yeah, so put 0-3-5-0 and see what happens on that little case. Is that what you reckon? Yeah. I'm not getting that from that at all. Why not? Because it's four digits altogether if you keep the zero.

So it's 0-3-5-0. Isn't it usually along the side? Yeah. He's getting into the case now. He's putting in the code. I'm going to have a little bit of drinky-wink as the thrilling mystery box of fun opens. the side yeah he's getting into the case now he's putting in the code as the thrilling mystery box of fun with that bottle of water paul don't squirt it in your face hilariously did it yeah zero three five zero yes that's right how have you not done it yet it's a simple thing meticulous want to to get this right you're not being meticulous you're being Mick Tickle-ass

well I'm glad after that zinger I'm glad to report Paul you were wrong oh no you are wrong

zero three fifty what does it say on the letter mysterious case and content three fifty

yeah but that's this doesn't refer to the price, the code it says. Enter code on the last three digits. What does that... keep zero but enter the code on the last... Oh, so maybe it's zero, zero, zero, zero. No, no, no, no. We have to look at what's in here. It says in here. Look at it then. You look at it, I'm looking in here.

This must be the code in here. There must be... there's nothing in here. This is empty. There is nothing in here this is empty there is nothing in there that's disappointing button to press keep zero keep zero yeah and then what does that mean so enter code on last three digits the code from the code master the code of the original at the top of the show paul that was zero zero zero wasn't it so is it zero it's not zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero open in not open let's look at the piece of look at the letter again keep zero enter code on the last three what code What code is it referring to? I think it means the price. Here we go.

Three feet. Three feet. Zero, three feet. I've already tried that, mate. Yeah? God. It's not right. You're wrong about that.

You were wrong about that. Well, then, how do we get into it, then? Well, let me have another look at the letter, Paul. Have another look at the letter. I have to text MN. Base your price on what you think it holds. Okay, we did that. A bonus between is up for grabs later if you manage to guess correctly.

Apart from that, regular rules apply. Thank you. You might have also seen a black bag with a padlock and a deck of cards. Ignore the cards for now. The black bag is titled the grab bag of crap and contains items of mixed desirability first unlock it but don't look inside with the code so let's go to the black bag so should we just no mate should we just cut no let's not cut that i don't want to be part of that i will not be i will not be part of that no we can say it was correct paul put it down i could open it now no paul please put it down all right you're a shit case i put it down. I could open it now. No, Paul, please put it down. All right, you're a shit case.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I put it down. What are you doing? I think we should code break that because it's got something to do with what's going to be coming up in this mysterious journey that we're both on. So you think that'll be ultimately opened

by something else we do in the suitcase? Yes, later, it says, doesn't it? It says later, you'll find out. All right. He was so willing to destroy all of this hard work. This nice ribbon tying and this hard work. And mavericks don't go by your petty rules. We could just get a fucking cat-like fucking hammer

and just smash the whole thing up if you like. Yeah, well, that would be great, wouldn't it? You destructive cunt. Right, I'm going to put this over here for now. And we're going to move into the grab bag of crap. The black bag, grab bag of crap. Which is this. Yes, don't look inside. I'm not looking inside, there's a lock.

How do we do that? I know, right? So I'm getting fucked off with locks. How do we undo the lock? Right. You have to examine that more closely. You may have also seen a black bag with a padlock and a deck of cards. I didn't see a deck of cards in there.

Get the deck of cards, they'll be the code. Oh no, it's this tin. It's a nice, got a nice... It's this tin. The cards are in there. It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nice, got a nice...

It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nice, got a nice... It's a nicelock and a deck of cards. I didn't see a deck of cards in there. Get the deck of cards. They'll be the code. Oh, no. It's this tin. It's this tin. Get the cards in. We'll come back to it. There's a nice microphone. Down. Down. Down. Down. Camera down.

Down. Lower. Lower. Shut up! You may have seen a black bag with a padlock and a deck of cards. Ignore the cards for now. The black bag is titled The Grab Bag of Crap. We know that. And contains items, yeah. First, unlock it, but don't look inside with the code. And the code is,

Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle, but thankfully the kids are alright. Managed to unlock it? Good. You should have found... Yeah, okay, so... So six, the numbers of the letters... The numbers of letters in the words, maybe. So read that out to me. Lucky me, I i lost the pot noodle but thankfully the kids are all right

so what so what one two three four five one two three four five six so is it two five six no could it put two five six in that one lucky me i lost the pot, but thankfully the kids are all right. So one, two, and then five, and then six. Does that open it up? No, because you're ignoring the whole rest of the code. No, but I don't know what the code is, do I? It just says, lucky me, I lost the pot noodle, but thankfully the kids are all right. What does that mean?

Report back on 256, Paul. No. Right, okay. Well, it was a guess, isn't it? It must be the code from the origin of the story. So, let's do that. What does that mean? You do it because it's quick. C equals S. Yes. Alright, well then you're going to have to write down everything.

Okay, I will. Give me the pen. Right. I'm going to use it on the suitcase of the audience. I can see. I'll put this over here out of the way. Right. So. Okay, so L equals. Just write underneath it. So, if c equals s yeah c equals s l equals i'm confused c equals s right in that l equals b u no wait l that's the top v yeah right v equals u equals Top line. V. L equals V. Yeah. Right. V.

U equals. U equals. Oh, this is... I'm going to speed this up. E. C equals. C equals. M. K equals.

K equals U. Y equals. Y equals. I. What does that spell? Nothing. Yemeni. Yemeni.

Vemui. So that's not working, is it? What? Keep going. No, because me would be what? Me would be W-O. Vemui wo. Vemui wo. Vemui wo. But that means nothing. I think you can get... The Mooie Woe The Mooie Woe The Mooie Woe

But that means nothing I think you can I think we can both Guess That that's not a number Okay so this code Is cryptic in some way And also me

There aren't any Two letter Numbers are there 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 So it can't be Good We could have known that Before we started Lucky me I lost the pot noodle but thankfully the kids are all right what does that mean lucky me is a

noodle right i lost the pot noodle lucky me is a brand of noodle yeah lucky me is a brand of noodle i lost the pot noodle but thankfully the kids are all right lost the plot lost the pot um lucky me kids are all right kids are all right it's the who. Lost the pot. Lucky me. Kids are alright. Kids are alright is the who. Yeah. But the kids are alright who. So, I lost... I don't understand how this becomes a number. It becomes a three-digit number.

But don't... With the code. But it says the code. Lucky me. I lost the pot noodle. But thankfully the kids are alright. Lucky me. It's an instant noodle.

Noodle. Noodle. I lost instant noodle. Noodle, noodle. I lost the noodle. Noodle, noodle. Is there a... Noodle, noodle, noodle. Noodle, noodle, noodle. Get in touch with Yvonne. We've backed it.

I've already messaged her and there's been no reply for half an hour. So, we're on our own. Oh, my God. We can't do it. I don't know what... I don't know what to do. Lucky me. Blah blah blah.

Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle. Oh my god, I can't stop. I gotta stop saying that fucking sentence. Because now it's making no sense. Now you're trying to lock it? No! No! Lucky me. What number could be lucky me? Two. Noodle. Noodle two. Two. Do they refer to episode titles? Poor. Noodle. Noodle 2. Do they refer to episode titles, Paul? Possibly. Did you say Lucky

Me when we reviewed the Lucky Me noodles? No, I don't believe I ever have. Hang on. Look, if it's episode... Cheap Show Lucky Me. Yeah? If that's a specific episode, that's all I can think. Pot Noodle we did in this specific episode, didn't we? Cheap show.

Lucky me noodle. No, I don't have any fucking clue with this, mate. No, it's not coming up with any views. Should I start drinking booze? I could start drinking booze. I might drink booze. Should we have some booze? I don't understand.

I'm getting stressed out about this. Let's have some booze. I don't understand. I don't understand. I've got some Hennessy there. Should we have some booze? Let's come understand. We've got some Hennessy there. Let's just come back to this. Right, we're going to take an interstitial. Lucky me.

I've lost the pot noodle. I've lost the fucking plot. I've lost the plot. We're so bad at this. Yeah, but I don't know what this means. Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle but thankfully the kids are alright. Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle but thankfully the kids are alright. Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle, but thankfully the kids are alright. Lucky me, I lost the pot noodle, but thankfully the kids are alright.

Round and round the garden like a teddy bear. Wait. Round and round the garden. Managed to unlock it good. You should have reward the winner a blind bag and say the crap. Finally, time to open that mysterious Price of Shite case. You'll be able to pop the lock with the code Bob Newhart, America's largest and finest by far.

Oh my God! Do you know what the problem with this is event is way too smart and we are dumb fucking midlife crisis idiots and i'm having a real existential crisis now paul i'm feeling it they all put this together oh they'll solve this because it's obvious i am fucking completely and i'm having a dope battle to hang over i've got no fucking clue mate bob newhart lucky me this because it's obvious. I am fucking completely dope-addled and hungover. I've got no fucking clue, mate. Bob Newhart. Lucky me. Bob Newhart.

We probably did him on an episode, didn't we? Yeah, we did because we talked about that bloody record. That flexi-disc record. So what episode's that? Are these episode numbers?

We just need a pointer from you in real life. Event now. Event. Please. Right, so it's... She could be in bed. She's not in bed. It's the middle of the day. numbers. We just need a pointer from you in real life. Event now. Event. Please. Right, so it's... She could be in bed. She's not in bed. It's the middle of the day. You know what? We're taking a break. I'm getting drunk and we're coming back to this. We're coming back to this. Should we get drunk?

Yeah. I'm already upset and when I get upset, I drink my problems away. This is terrible. We have no clue. We haven't made any progress on this, Paul. We've got to have a little break and have a think. Yeah.

Ready? We're half an hour in. Why not, eh? Are you going to stop the video as well? I'm going to have to stop the video as well. All right? But we'll edit it together because you know I will.

Oh, Paul, I don't have to edit this fucking week. Well, apparently we do because I'm a thick as shit cunt. I don't know what I'm doing and I would be shit on Treasure Hunt. This is terrible. I'd be shit on Treasure Hunt. This is terrible. I'd be shit on 3-2-1.

This is like 3-2-1. Is there any clue to how... Shall we look at this text soberly again? We'll have a break. We're going to have a fucking break. We're going to have a fucking break. We're going to have a fucking break. This suitcase is going to end this podcast.

No, it won't. We're getting on. Like you and me. Are we? Yeah, but don't say it and look worried. You had a look worried look. He's like, we're getting on like you and me aren't we yeah but don't say it and then look worried you gotta look worried look at yourself

we're getting on but the face will say right yeah okay stop the fucking recording we're gonna stop the fucking recording are you ready for countdown yeah

then here we go Monday Tuesday Thursday Wednesday Thursday Friday Friday And here we go! Monday, Tuesday, Big and Blue Day, Wednesday, Thursday, Good Friday! Talks away.

All systems go. And here we go! It's the Super Saturday Show! Out of this world! Comedies, cartoons, cereals, competitions, prizes. The Big Big Super Saturday Show is fun, fun, fun all the way. So are you ready? Here we go. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Blast off. I know. I know. I know what mic. There's two mics. Yeah, but you're looking at the camera. I don't give a shit about the camera. Fuck off. Don't you fucking dare.

Don't fuck about a drink now. This is getting tense. Right. Yvonne has failed to get back to us. We've been left alone. I hope there's nothing wrong. Yes. No.

No, she's replied, but we don't need her now. We don't need her now. Don't need me now. We should read need her now. Don't need me now. We just should read the reply at some point. We figured it out. I'm having a drink. Oh, God. So, lucky me, I lost the pot noodle, but thankfully the kids were all right.

It refers, of course, to the items that were covered in an episode of the Cheap Show, which has three digits. Yes. And that's what we figured out, I figured out. It was the episode where we played that kids are alright board game and then we did the noodles

and everything like that so it was me who solved it so the episode right is now

let me get the pass me the thing which we open but we don't look inside we're back on track now Paul we're back on track keep it on camera

read me the episode title that contained the lucky me noodles great brand that contained the Lucky Me Noodles. Great brand. It is. The Pot Noodle Ramen Pistachio and the Noel Edmonds-based game. It's not Noel Edmonds. Oh, it's like his one, are you?

It's a bit like that, but on the BBC. Are you grooming a five-year-old? Yeah, something like that. It was a John Barrymore. Just a joke, everybody. Barrowman episode. Anyway. Just a joke, everyone.

The Slick of the the lish episode 206 we fucking cracked that we cracked we cracked that we saw it it took at least 45 minutes yes but we've we've managed to capture that moment of truth though paul yeah it might not open the fucking well then what we fucking do then i'm just not going to record then we look at events he's never going to sell an ice cream just reply to say we are right is an episode number that's what

events said okay great 206 I'm lining them up now Paul right he's doing the lining up again and wants his

this is it the moment of truth tumbly sausage fingers pushing a delicate right I'm not going to fucking do this it couldn't be a lock if you refer to my

Hulk smash that's what you are not Hulk smash I'm not very to fucking do this. If you refer to my Hulk smash. That's what you are. Not Hulk smash. I'm not very strong either. I've got fucking shitty deformed hands and I'm a weakling. Thanks. Do you want to say something about my knob?

Yeah. It looks like all the lint in the belly button with spunk on. Not your best moment. Not your best moment. You put me on your spot. Yeah, well, go fuck around. My brain's in puzzle mode, not Eli's dirty nubbin' mode.

Right. His little fat... Yes. Right. We're in. We're in the bag. Now, what does it say? Unlocked it good.

You should also have found a mechanical game of sorts. Play it Barshan style. Award the winner a blind grab inside the bag. Oh, so... Ah, ah yes inside the suitcase let me show them the lighter focus i'm focused mate i'm 100 focused the suitcase is this right tell me what it is tell what it is oh it's a 12 pieces fishing game little rods you get with it it's a square little arena we played this on Barsons we did

they put the fishing rods in their mouths didn't they and they had to get the snapping fish out yes but Paul pretty cute this isn't it it's a little adorable thing

it looks quite cheap but it's nice it's clockwork as well you see I like this you don't need the full game you know what I mean it's just a toy anyway

I like the miniaturisation on this stick it on the desk do you know what I mean? It's just a toy anyway. I like the miniaturisation on this. Stick it on the desk. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's a nice little thing. Can we just say that again? It's a nice little thing, isn't it, Dad? Should we open it?

It's mint on card. I'm opening it. You always open this. It's mint on card, though. Then we can't play it, can we? Oh. Uh-oh. Oh.

You've spilt it all. No, we haven Oh, you've spilt it all. No, we haven't. We've spilt it all. We've got to put the fish in the fucking hole. Put the fish in the fucking hole. Oh,

they're grabby, grabby fish mouths. Right. Yes, they grow up grabby fish. You know what I thought of the other day, Paul?

Imagine in the James Bond film, Goldfinger, instead of being Goldfinger, I think this would be improvement, he'd been called Fishwater. Why? Because then Shirley Bassey would be like, Fishwater. He's the man. The man with the pond at home.

With the what? Pond at home. Pond at home. Doing Shirley Bassey. You get little fishing rods with it. You get three rods. With the what? Pond at home. Doing short rib-bashing. You get little fishing rods with it. You get three rods. That's what you get down the hen and chickens at night after you've been... Mate, just focus.

Three rods? I've had them. Right. So, the idea is these rods have little magnets dangling from them and you put them in the mouth of the fish and you wind up the base and the base rotates and moves the fish around and you try and get the fish out. Oh, fucking come all these fishes.

Right. Shall we have a little go with this then? Whoever wins gets to grab inside the bag, alright? Is that what it is? Yeah, we've got to wind it up. Who gets the most fish? I guess, before it runs out. What are the rules? There aren't any. Alright. We've got to wind it up. What, when? Who gets the most fish? I guess, before it runs out. Don't! What are the rules?

There aren't any! Yeah, but I have to, once you...alright. Oh, look at that! Wind it more! That's not going to last long enough. Let me read it out. Catch a fish... I'm done with the noises helping everything, isn't it Paul? Catch a fish as the board rotates. That's it.

Eight fishes and three rods included. Give it a proper fucking winding. I gave it a winding. No, you didn't give it a proper winding. What do you want to do then? First to get one out or first to get two out? We do it until they're done and then we count the scores like fucking proper. Then what if we get four each?

Then we get eight. Then we have a tie round. No, I'm not doing this forever. Tie break round. Just get first one to pull two out. Three. Two. Best of three.

All right, first one to pull three out. All right, I've got me one. Can I use two rods at the same time? This is great podcast content, isn't it? Can I use two rods at once? No. Of course you can't. Why don't you get your little rubbing out and bash it on a plastic chip's mouth?

Let's go. Oh, we're crossing the swords. We're crossing swords. Oh, we've got two. Oh, we've got three. Yeah, I win. I'm swords. We're crossing swords. Oh, I got two. Oh, hang on. I got three. There, I win. It doesn't matter.

It's not moving. It's not going to go longer than that, Paul. You're trying to wind it up. I think you'll see the fucking video ever that shows I was completely more adept with my sausage fingers. Oh, I got it. I'll get you again. You want me to get you again? You want me to get you again?

I want to do it. I'll get you again. I'll get you good. I'll get you again You want me to get you again You want me to get you again I'll get you again I'll get you good I'll get you good Two times the shame I'll give you two times the punishment I don't mind Double loving You get double loving from Silverman

You're going to get double fish water helping You're going to get helpings of fish water You're going to get mad helpings of fish water outside you Oh fuck your mum Fucking stop it You're gonna get mad helpings of fish water outside you. Oh, fuck you, man! Fucking stop it! Come on, I'm amped! I'm amped! Wait, wait, wait. I'm ready.

Three. Don't make it closer to you. Three. No, you can't, no! Get your fucking rod behind the... Get your rod behind the fucking edge, okay? Is that fair? Yes. Three, two, one, go. Get your fucking rod behind the fucking edge, okay? Is that fair? Yes. Three, two, one, go.

Oh, you wanker. You wanker, stop trying to foul me up. All right, last one. No, it stopped, it stopped. It did stop, and I got three out. Oh, I smashed ya! I smashed ya! I smashed you the first time. And that will go...

I pulled three out before the mechanic... You sort of did. So that was still a good win to me. That's one between. I'm putting my hand in the grab bag. Pick your fucking fish up off the floor, please. Don't be fucking throwing this around. This is a nice item. We've lost fish item you've lost fish

you should get disqualified you should get disqualified there's a fish missing here it is your fish right I'm going to put my hand in the bag again we can't all be on mic during these segments

of the show because the cut and thrust of the action sometimes means we're doing it on a desk in front of us. It's got a bit rowdy since we started on the cognac, hasn't it, Paul? I'm feeling sweaty. I'll put my visor back on. Yeah, put your visor back on. This is getting deadly serious.

Right. So what does it say? Just put your hand in and pull something out. It's a grab bag, isn't it? Next time to finally open that mysterious price of shot. Oh, yeah, we've got to do that next. Right, I've put my hand in. And what are we doing now once you've pulled your head you pulled a thing out

I can go in and pull something out anything random something random Oh Show me to me mini movie collection I'm looking at it. Don't get violent. Stop. I've got a fucking hammer. No, don't put that.

I've got a fucking hammer. No, put that down. Paul. Yeah? Put it down the tellies there. Yeah? Do we hit the telly? You're obsessed with that telly,

by the way. You're obsessed. It's our only telly. Yeah. You break it, I've got no telly. But I could be in the room next door and you say,

find the telly next door. It's like yeah mate watch this I'm going to throw it don't please don't do that please Jesus Christ

don't snatch you're fucking violent don't snatch mate don't you look I've had a look fine you forgot you look through the back

oh they look like little game boys show the camera I've shown it look at that you know what there's two of them I'd like to give you one as a friend we're going to open it it's more worth more I'm going to boys show the camera i've shown it look at that you know what there's two of them i'd like to give you one as a friend we're gonna open it it's more worth more i'm gonna have

a look for the little lens these are mint on card it's a little game boy kind of looking thing but it has it i think it has a pokemon image inside it's uh they must have do you think uh it's a tiny view master yeah and it is a there'sokesmart. Do you think Tomy must have... Yes, they must have gotten an agreement with... A licensing agreement with Nintendo to do it. Well, there's a little card at the bottom that you press in and it rotates it. It's a lovely, lovely thing. Oh!

I don't know. Event Source is the best Tomy stuff. I don't know where she gets it. Because I've got the little noodle car, the Tomy noodle car, which I love to this day. I love Tomy stuff. Have a look through. What's it like? The visuals, very basic.

It's basic, but you know, it's a cute little keychain toy. I can actually do this with my visor on. Oh, take your visor off. I advise you to do that. Thank you, Paul. Thank you, same guy from last time. Right. Oh, look at that.

Yeah, look at him. Oh, that is lovely. Would you like one? Yeah. I'm going to have the grey one. You can have the black. Okay. Is that a fine deal?

Because that's closer to the original Game Boy looky style. I picked a good one there, didn't I? I'm just trying to use the action. I haven't seen the action working. What do you do? There's a little card at the bottom, so you just kind of click it. You see that?

It's a key ring as well. They're good. Put the bag down. Put the next part on the letter. It's heating up. Right. So, time to finally crack open that mysterious price of shite case. You'll be able to pop the lock with this code.

Ah, there we go. So, it's Bob Newhart. And can we all remember how you wanted to cheat on this bit? You wanted to give up and cheat on this bit. And there's a per-twing in it. And you're two per-twings down, Paul. You may have won the fucking fish thing, meaning nothing. and there's a per-twing in it, and you're two per-twings down, Paul. You may have won the fucking fish thing, meaning nothing.

That's a two per-twing bonus minimum. No, it's not. It doesn't say that. Where does it fucking say that? It says, Managed to unlock it good, then you should have found the mechanical game of sorts. Play it Barshan style.

Award the winner a per-twing and a grab bag inside the crab bag of crap. One per-twing you've got. So I've got one per-twing. And I have two still. Yeah. Okay. Next time,

now it's time to open the case that we had before thank you very much you'll be able to pop the lock with this code Bob Newhart's Americans largest and finest

by far now that episode was when we had that vinyl with Bob Newhart on where it was like the driving instructor it was a novelty flexi disc

containing two Bob Newhart the driving instructor which is a famous Bob Newhart, the driving instructor, which is a famous Bob Newhart sketch. Yeah. He used to do one, these sort of monologues, stand-up sketches.

But the problem is, what does America's largest and finest by far mean? It probably refers to another item on the episode, Paul. So let's just find the Bob Newhart episode. Do you have any idea

what that might be? Is it another three-digit code? Yes. A four-digit code. Yeah, but remember, the first one's zero. So we have any idea what that might be? Is it another three digit code? Yes. Four digit code. Yeah. But remember the first one's zero. So we've got to find that episode with Bob Newhart on.

So I'm just going to cheap show Bob Newhart and see if that comes up. It won't. You don't know. I fucking the Bob Newhart show. No.

Cheap show. No. I'm talking about that. So there's no listing at all. Oh no. You got it. Wait. Excuse me about that. So there's no listing at all. Oh, no, you got it. Wait, excuse me about the first one.

Excuse me about that. I remember when you said that. That was good. Oh yeah. And have a quick discussion. American comedy drinks from that reminds of a public toilet and cover some cool vinyl from Paul's trip to LA. Yeah.

Cause that's why you bought it for me. What was the other record for a bonus point? Paul? I don't remember. Was it a Sesame street? Yeah, you got it. Yeah with A. What was the other record for a bonus point, Paul? I don't remember. That you bought me. Was it a Sesame Street one? Yeah, you got it. Yeah. With the Doobie Brothers on it.

So even episode, excuse me about that, Tales from the Shop Floor, Froth Shop. Just setting it to zero. Okay, so the episode number. Episode number, Paul, please. One, three, five. Christ, that was two years ago. Over two years ago.

Stop being existential. Can we just get on with it? One, what? One, three, five. So it's zero, one, three years ago. Over two years ago. Stop being existential. Can we just get on with it? One, what? One, three, five. So it's zero, one, three, five. Got it. And... It's like the crystal maze.

Zero, one, three... We're in. We're in. Right. Apart from the case's regular content, you should now find a musical instrument of sorts. I get a between, I'd just like to say, if it's a backgammon

thing. Read the beginning! No, I said, you said it was a game centre, I said it was a backgammon board. No, it just says base your price on what you think it is. We were both wrong, so it doesn't matter. And then what did it say after that? A bonus between if you can guess it correctly. Yeah, it's fine. It's just the price.

No, if you can guess the content. Yeah, but I said backgammon. You fucking didn't. Yeah, I did, because I told you about the cups. So thank you. You even brought that up to me. You're taking credit for the things I said to you. I'm still one between us. You're a fucking psychopath. Well, I'm not a psychopath.

Paul said that. Filter, filter, filter. I said that. Shut up. Right, you ready? Yes, open it for the... There, on the thing. I said that. Shut up. Right, you ready? Yes. Open it for the... There on the thing. The other way round. Christ, you would be shit on QVC.

I don't want to be on QVC. How about that? I've got... Hello. It's QVC. I've got noodles. I could sell noodles. Fuck my life.

I call this number. I never say that. I never rub my nose on it. The Eli character does. We're in. They've got Melody Pops in it. Classic candy froth shop. We've got lovely candy, lovely froth shop stuff. We've got Bolognete Pepsils Red Curry.

So they're kind of like food sticks that have a red curry flavouring to them. We're going to do a whistle stop bite of these. Oh I've got Richie Bitchy fucking Bob-O. Richie Richie Bitchy Bob-O. It's like Mickey Meetus or whatever it's named. It is, can I just say, as we suspected, a backgammon case. And it's quite a nice one with inlaid leather, imitation leather, spiky bits. Is that what they're called?

Nice and a little bit. It's very nice. Funnily enough, it's what Roger Moore plays in the film Octopussy against the bad guy in it backgammon is one of those games that you can be

really good at did you know that no you can hustle people at it a lot of the world's top poker players started off as backgammon hustlers

well that was the big thing wasn't it all the tournaments were around backgammon and something happened and poker became the thing but wasn't it all the celebrities

at the time would play it? Yeah, it was popular. But if you... There's strategy and there's deep thinking. It can be done on backgammon. Yeah.

I've never really taken to it, but there you go. I've never played it. So apart from the case of regular content, you should find a musical instrument of sorts. But forget about that for now.

First, award the person with the most betwings a blind grab inside the grab bag. So now you can get inside the bag because you've got the most betwings a blind grab inside the grab bag. So now you can get inside the bag because you've got the most betwings. Yeah, I certainly do. Paul, and never you forget it. Now, pass me that grab bag of crap.

You can't look. You've got to feel a way around and use your hands to decide what you want out of the bag. I think I might have really tapped in. Make sure you shoot it on camera as well. How squishy should I go? I don't know. How long should I go? Go until it gets all in your hand and you shoot it on camera as well. How squishy? Should I go? I don't know. How long should I go? Go until it gets all in your hand and you've got to pull it out.

Come on, mate. We're doing it real time. Shut up. Everything takes you hot. No, it doesn't. Why don't you shut your mouth? How about you shut your fucking face for once? Right, I've pulled it out.

Where's my drink of boozes? There's rolled seaweed in there. It's grilled seaweed. Ooh, grilled squid taste. I don't think Paul will be tasting this. I'm glad I didn't pull that out. Ooh, it feels all mushy. That's going to be nice.

I'm feeling quite peckish, actually. Do you want to try it now? Is that what we're doing now? Well, hang on. What does it say? We need direction. Sam, pull the rest of the inside of the case as you please. Now, there's grabs to be won.

Think of a song and try and play it as best you can with the instrument, the melody pop, of the case as you please now there's grabs to be won think of a song and try and play as best you can with the instrument the melody pop inside the case if the other person guesses correctly you're awarded a grab inside the bag one grab each don't overdo it now so we gotta play something do we eat that the green thing and i'll eat the red why are you this is because i can't eat that that's why i'm not eating that. I know why you're... Stupid, wretched, hobbity fuckstick. Hobbity fuckstick? Yes. Now, Paul. Is that what we're doing?

We're having a... Yes, it's just a sample of the content. I feel like, mate, listen when I read the letter. I'm going to Eli land in your head. I'm fantastic. I'm the best. Oh, yes. And if I'm not best, then you're shit. And it the best. Oh, yes. And if I'm not best, then you're shit.

And it's not my fault at all. Paul, as I suspected, because this has been opened, it does not contain the seaweed snack, this. What is it? It contains something else. What is it, then? It's a sock. I thought it was food

But is it one purple sock? Yeah Shall I taste that? Is that a prank? Have they put that in for a laugh? I don't know It was squidgy I thought it was like a foamy thing

It's quite a niff of seaweed Yeah because clean sock I can tell you that now Paul The niff The niff is So you've got one sock Does that mean there's another sock in there somewhere? Maybe. Right, anyway, I'm going to open these Pepsil's Red Curry. They're like...

Check they don't have fish in them, mate. No, they're completely sealed. No, but... No, check they don't have fish in them. Not socks. No, I don't think she would have... Well, just have a look. Ooh, it's nice. You know that's one of those pretzels. It's a pretzel stick, basically, ladies and gentlemen. It's got that coconut-y.

Thai green curry or Thai red curry, yeah. But it's got the coconut smell, doesn't it? Look at that. Oh, they're going to be good. I'm salivating. I'm salivating. Here we go. Mmm.

Oh. Cheeky, dirty, dirty, cheeky Mmm What a look Mmm Slightly buttery as well Mmm That's the coconut

Mmm They're very good They're a bit like Combis Combos or whatever aren't they Yeah Like a stuffed pretzel basically That works very well

Yeah Those are lovely Mmm Right Wow I'm going to try this next The Sunflower Kernels Caramel Bar Stuffed pretzel, basically. That works very well. Yeah. Those are lovely. Mmm. Right. Wow. I'm going to try this next. The Sunflower Kernels Caramel Bar. That looks a bit more austere.

Doesn't it? I think I know what I'm getting with this. Yeah. There's a sense of, but what? But what? Punishing. Oh, those pretzels are so nice. I wonder if they come in other flavours.

Yeah, maybe. I'm going to have a little bit. Do you want that? I don't really want that but. They're made by Bolec Jet. Yeah the camera's down here mate. The camera's down here mate. It's a limited edition. Jesus. Right I'm gonna try the caramel nut bar. They should make these permanent these curry sticks, man. Yeah, that's exactly like you think it's going to taste like. Nice, but unremarkable. Slightly caramelly. Very seedy. God, just keep me away from those pretzels. Sweet and seedy. Like me.

Yeah, I'm going to move over here because I want you fucking to do it. I am going to go for them, mate. Oh, but they were nice. Right. Ugh! Next. That's seedy. It's a nice, it's a nice seedy bar. Fine, but it's! Next. That's a nice seed pop. Fine, but it's not exciting. It's a basic, sugary, sweet nut sack.

I like it. Snack, not nut sack. Right, we keep moving. Keep moving. Melody Pops. Now, if you know what a Melody Pop is, I'm going to explain it to you. If you don't, it's a lollipop

that is fashioned into a kind of whistle shape so you can use it to make tunes with. So I didn't know Chupa Chups took over the license of these. But I guess... They always made them. Did they? Well maybe they didn't. No, I think they did. Chupa Chups goes way back. Well here's your one.

Chupa Chups... here's a little bit of trivia for you Paul. Chupa Chups logo designed by Salvador Dali. Is it? Yep. How old is Chupa Chups? It goes way back to Dali's era, early 20th century. Now, these are lovely. I love the smell of them, dude.

Hasn't it got that classic candy smell? Yeah. Lovely sort of fruit flavour. Strawberry, nice. And look, on the inside of the wrapper, there is a tune. This one is... What, we're going to try and play, is it? No, you can do any song you want, the letter says.

What does the letter say? We have to do a tune? Oh, hang on, you've got to pull it out. Oh, God, I can't fucking read this. It's in another language, I don't know what song is. No, it's an actual sheet music. Yeah, but it has the numbers, so you can... Yeah, because it's got the...

Whistle Pop has a little swanny whistle thing. Little swanny whistle thing. swanny whistle thing talking like it is a swanny whistle essentially effectively yeah this is a confectionery swanny whistle so you go up

to is there numbers on it hard to see well we're going to need more light to complete this attache case edition of cheap show thanks for keeping with us to

this stage everyone we're loving this edited rough and tumble episode we're loving this we are loving it i'm and tumble episode we're loving this we are loving it i'm having it well anyway i'm loving it mine doesn't fucking work all right if you can guess this tune i win a point and i can go in the grab bag all right

is that what it is yeah it's like what about me I'll give you... Who's got the most for Twings? Sam, think of a song and try and play it as best you can. Who does? The person blowing the whistle first. So I'll go first and play the tune as best I can with the instrument found in the case. If the other person guesses correctly, you're awarded with a grab inside the bag. So if you get it right, then I get to grab it. And if you play your tune and I get it, then you can grab inside the bag. That if you get it right, then I get to grab it. And if you play your tune and I get it,

then you can grab inside the bag. That's what the letter says. Okay. Right, here we go. Let me just tune up. Ready? What's this tune? James Bond theme. Yes.

This is really tasty. I don't want to blow it. I want to suck it. You want to start off? He's filleting it. Oh, Daddy Piggy, take me. He's going to save it for later. Daddy Piggy.

For filleting later. Daddy Piggy. For later, later. For filleting later. For later. Here comes the filleter. Murderer. he's a big cock sucker

no that's not I mean I guess it is he chews down on it right you have a go you just move on I have to do something

yeah right so Pikachu and I have to guess it I'm not gonna be able to do this am I I don't know have a go

I've gotta stop sucking it no hang on why can't you blow it it's not I'm not going to be able to do this, am I? I don't know. Have a go. I've got to stop sucking this. No, hang on. Why can't you blow it? It's not as good. It's not as designed as well as yours. It's a defective one.

Where are you putting your lips in relation to the tip? How are you doing that? Where's your lips and stuff? Stop. Yes. I'm not literally like sucking it hard like that. There you go. Shut up. Go on then. I can't think of anything.

Well then you can't go in the bag, I'm gonna have a little go. No, no, hang on. Hang on. Are you gonna listen to what I try? Yeah, go on. That's fucking the shit. And I don't know what it is. Now, listen to the rhythm. All I can see is spit coming out the top of it. Listen to the rhythm of it.

What is that? Come on. I have no idea. Bar bar black sheep. You didn't get it. No, I know because it was awful. Oh, well done with the Bond thing. Right, I'm going to grab inside the bag.

Where's the bag? There it is. Ganon wins that one. Ganon wins the bag. Oh, that's a tasty. I'm hungry. Oh, I'm going to grab. There's so many to grab for. I'm going to grab this one.

Oh, look. Ghostbusters 2. Ghostbusters 2 tops playing cards, boys and girls. Hey, look at that! I'm going to have a look at what cards are in there. I've got a few of these already. Do you want to put the chewing gum in your mouth and be like Stuart and go,

it tastes of mould? Yes. No, you're not going to. Can I? No, because you'll be sick and I don't want you being sick. How old is this chewing gum? Well, 1989. I'm having a nibble. 1989, so're not going to. Can I? No, because you'll be sick, and I don't want you being sick. How old is this chewing gum? Well, I'm having a nibble.

1989? I'm having a nibble. 1989, so 30 years or so? I'd like to have some 30-year-old chewing gum. 32, something like that. Go on, you nibble it. Oh, you dirty pig pig. It's only a small bit.

Yeah, God. Can I have some booze to wash it down with? Yeah, like Stu does. Yeah. Yeah, like Stu does. Have some booze to wash away the... Ah, it tastes of rot here's my bottle of vodka

right Bill Murray is Peter Venkman yeah it's so dusty it's so dusty in my mouth totally for the defence at the museum

can I spit in your glass please no can I spit in it no it's an emergency drink it down you did this you did this

you did this you live with it don't you bring my perfectly fine cup of goodness into it! Don't drink. A new job for Dana. Dan Aykroyd. A sticker. A job well done.

It's just images. Just swallow this. It's just images. Oh, can I use the sock? I'm gonna spit into the sock. No, because you might need it. Just spit! Just swallow it! Swallow- Oh, he's off.

I'll do- I'll- Sorry, he's had to go spit in the toilet like an adult instead of into a sock like a fucking idiot. Right, now go get those drinks. Can I see those cards, please? You've missed out now because you had to do Spitty Spitty. Can I just have a look, please? Well, then you have a look and describe them

while I go get those cherry drinks out of the fridge. Okay, here they are. So the first card depicts Egon on the job he's showing Sigourney Weaver's character I can't remember her what she called what Sigourney Weaver's character called Dana he's Egon showing Dana a piece of paper. I mean, it's not great. And this is a very murky shot of two of the Ghostbusters high-fiving. And that's from a scene I don't remember from the film.

Paul? Which one? A job well done. It's a scene from the montage where they catch the phantom jogger in the park. I see. Oh, really? Wow. But that bit is actually taken at the very end of the film,

when they're doing a montage of credits, and they're doing a slow, kind of weird, jerky high-five. Yeah, it's in the film. It's obviously meant to be its own scene, but it was used as a montage. Oh, and this is a picture one that depicts the two towers of the World Trade Centre, and two sort of anonymous ghouls,

and there's Slimer. It's just a sticker. Yeah, but Slimer wasn't invented in the first film, wasn't he? He wasn't called Slimer then. What was he called, Paul? Well, it depends. It was like Onionhead or the Green Ghost or that was it, Peanut. Dan Aykroyd is

just a headshot of Dan Aykroyd. You can't tell whether he's wearing the costume. You told me, you asked me to describe all of this. Yeah, but now I'm bored of this because I already quickly did it. A new job for Dana. She's doing a pen. Dana. Fuck, give me the cards.

I can't have you say Dana. Is that Ghostbusters 2? Painful. Is that Ghostbusters 2? Yes. I've still got bits of that chewing gum in my... Good.

Right. I don't know what that's doing. Thirsty for more? Enjoy the chilled cans. If you've sampled them, there's another grab to be won by guessing which of the drinks has the most sugar in it.

Any items left in the grab bag, then play a game of high-low with the included card deck. Right. All right, you ready? So, I'll tell you what. Let me taste all of these. Finish the drink first. Let me finish my plonks. Cheers.

Are we enjoying this, Paul? I'm kind of. Putting the differences aside, you know, and the play acting about bickering, we're both having a great time today. I hate you. It's great to do this for a living. What do you want to try first then? Oh, mate. One of these is alcoholic sparkling water. Oh, really? Should we end with that one?

Cherry bomb. Don't look at the fucking sugar content. I'm not. I didn't. Right. Oh, go nice new cognac cherry actually, weirdly enough. Wouldn't it? A bit separate for now. Wouldn't it, though? Fucking focus. Wouldn't it, fucking, though? We've got...

Dr. Foots. That's what I was going to say. Doctor... It's not Foots. It is. It says Foots. Dr. Foots? See that word written down?

You wouldn't say Foots. I would if I brought it in another country. No, you fucking would have. You fucking idiot. It's called Dr. Foots. I probably just put that fake stuff sign. Or that bickering sign. I don't even hear that fake stuff sign. Put on that bickering sign. I don't even hear what you're saying.

Put on that fucking bickering sign. That's what I hear when I hear you. I don't hear the words. I hear, Choffney Bing Bong. Choffney Bing Bong. Middly, middly, middly. Now, Paul, let's play Choffney Bing Bong.

It's a brand new game. Right, chill before serving. Fucking smell the foots. Smell the Dr. Foots. Such as Mr. Pibbs. Is it cheesy? Dr. Pepper. You what?

You're saying there's a naming convention in soft drinks? Yeah. To be called doctors or misters? Well, cherry based drinks seem to have a kind of, you have to have some kind of doctorate or something before you can be a drink. Yeah, you're right. And can you think of a lady who's a doctor? Like Dr. Joanna's.

Dr. Joanna's sparkling pear cider or something. No, I can't. I can't think of any. Sexist. Although, to be fair, we don't know that Dr. Pepper isn't a woman. When you think about it. That's sparkling pear cider or something. No, I can't. I can't think of any. Sexist. Although, to be fair, we don't know that Dr. Pepper isn't a woman when you think about it. That's true. Mate, there you've gone. You see, you made a mistake there.

You see, Mr. Pibbs, he's a mister. That's he's a mister. But Dr. Pepper... What about Mountain Dew? He's a monk in the hilltop somewhere. Right. Here's a little bit of this. Have you huffed it?

Yes. We're tasting the Dr. Foots. What's it like on the aroma level, Paul? It's very Dr. Peppery, actually Extremely Dr. Peppery on the nose It's a Dr. Pepper clone, isn't it? Must be Yes, or European version of it

I don't know Is it described as cherry flavour? I think so No, it doesn't have any Well, Dr. Pepper isn't described as a cherry flavour It's a mixed fruit drink That's why you can get cherry Dr. Pepper It's another thing

Can you? Of course you can, it's delicious I know you can get cream soda Dr. Pepper You can get cherry Can you? Of course you can. It's delicious. I know you can get Cream Soda Dr Pepper or whatever. You can get Cherry Cream Soda. Oh. You can get all sorts of Dr Peppers, Paul. So is Dr Pepper not a cherry drink, then? No.

Why do I think of it as a cherry drink? It's a fruit-flavoured drink. That's why you can get Cherry Dr Pepper. I'm going to drink Dr Foot. Smell the foot. Oh, you know what? That's actually really nice. Does it taste exactly like Dr Pepper?

No. It smells exactly like it. It does, but it doesn't taste like it either. I think it's sweeter and kind of a bit more blandly fruity, but I don't hate it. I quite like it. It's extremely similar to Dr Pepper. Ooh.

Extremely similar. No, it is seamless. I mean, I would... If you could tell that apart in a blind taste test... I could. You couldn't. Dr Pepper's way too... No, I could, because Dr Pepper's kind of smoky almost.

You think you could tell that apart from Dr. Pepper? I'll fucking put your money where your fucking mouth is, mate. Well, we can't, because we don't have a Dr. Pepper doing it. We're doing an off-brand brand-off.

I'll go shot, get some Dr. Pepper. I'll bring a cap of pepper. It shuts off. It shuts your mouth. Here we go. So that's drink one. I quite like that.

Do you know what I think the difference is with Dr. Pepper? What? It's got more of that coke, the acid that they put in coke to stop you gagging on the sweetness. It's got that kind of sharpness at the very top. It's got the coke aftertaste. But you know what I think the difference is with Dr Pepper? What? It's got more of that Coke, the acid that they put in Coke to stop you gagging on the sweetness. Yeah. It's got that kind of sharpness at the very top.

It's got the Coke aftertaste. But you know, man, that sort of sparkle right at the top, the sort of tartness as it hits the tongue. It's a cleaner, less syrupy aftertaste. Than Dr Pepper, you think? Right. Well, no, Coke compared to Pepsi, for example. But I think with Dr Pepper, it still retains that nice. I so like Dr Pepper.

It's nice, though. Yeah, but Dr Pepper's nice, isn't it? Next is a cherry bomb from a company called Ugo, and the phrase that goes with it is, everywhere I go, oh, you go. So maybe it's you go, or not Ugo, but everywhere I go, you go. Everywhere I go, I go. Right, so serve Serve cold carbonated...

This is cherry flavoured. It's got cherries on the tin and in the name. Nice little cartoon cherries. I like those airbrush style cherries. What's the huff like on that? Oh, look at that. Vibrant pink. Oh, it's got a nice vibrant pink colour.

Not a good sign, really. That's not a good sign either. Right. Curry sticks coming back up there. Oh, it's got a good sign either. Right. Curry sticks coming back up there. Oh, it's got a cherryade. You know the old cherryade from back in the days of the 80s? When you used to get bars cherryade.

It's a nice smell. Oh, I've got schmutz on my vest. You've got schmutz all over your schmutz. What's this schmutz on my vest? You've got schmutz on your vest? No. Move on. Here we go.

I'm having a taste Oh it smells like Ribena to me Paul Think about Ribena No Once you drink it It's very very obviously

Cherry Oh that's nice I like that That's a nice Cherryade It is It's a nice Cherryade It's better than the

Cherryade I remember Actually by that Well it's got a bit More nuance and Complexity on the Flavour doesn't it It's a bit more Of the bitter cherry

Do you know what I mean? The bitterness of cherry. It's that dark cherry kind of flavour. But it comes through. This isn't an austere or sort of punishingly sour drink, but it's got more of that than the Cola Pop. That's the classic one that we remember, wasn't it? Panda Cherry Pop or whatever.

Panda Cherry, Cherryade. It was always Cherryade, Lemonade, Limeade, Liveade. That's got a more... That's nice. It's a classic Cherryade taste. It's a lighter flavour, but has that smoky, dark cherry aftertaste that I quite like. There's more of that, yes. I'll go.

Cherry Bomb. Nice. Serve Cold, it says. All of these say Serve Cold, and we have. Yeah, we have. We've all been cold. They're nice and chilled. I'm feeling a bit better, Paul. This is by a company called Spiked and... says all of these say serve cold and we have yeah we have we've all been cold nice and chilled i'm

feeling a bit better paul these this is a this is by a company called spiked and spiked and spot wait i don't understand why it's what do you think it's called it's called spiked and because there's an ampersand spiked and natural cherry flavor no but is it spiked in cherry is that what it's bullshit what's it fucking saying The grammar's all wrong in this can of fucking shit. Well, you can't just put an ampersand in. The grammar's all wrong in this can of fucking shit. You can't put an ampersand in

and then not follow it up with anything. Otherwise, it's a dangling ampersand, isn't it? It certainly is. No one wants a dangling ampersand. It's a hairy dangling ampersand.

A bulbous dangling ampersand. And what doesn't help with the whole bollock... In can of sans. What doesn't hurt the whole bollock metaphor is the two cherries like balls here, Paul. Ambersands, cambersands adventure. He likes the word ampersand, everybody.

Ampersand and ambersand. Now, this is hard seltzer. Have you heard of hard seltzer, Paul? No. It's the new posh marketing speak for what we used to call... Sparkling wine. Alcopops. Oh, okay. So like a two dogs kind of thing. no it's the new posh marketing speak for what we used to call sparkling wine alco pops oh okay so like two dogs yeah kind of thing alco pops is kind of uh i think they don't call it alco pops because alco pops is what the uh tabloid newspapers use to demonize that brand of drink

didn't they remember at the time there's a lot of backlash because they were trying to say you're marketing to kids yeah you're marketing to kids. But the brands themselves have probably never stated it that way. They were. But they panned it to it still. Yeah. They're marketing,

maybe not to children, but to young adults. It's like when they did Panda Alka-Pops and it confused a lot of people because people saw the Panda logo and thought it was for kids. Did they really do that? So, yeah, no,

I made it all up just now. Of course they never did that. They would never do that. Got you going though. Yes. Got you going. But the people trying to close them down if they did do that would have a point wouldn't they see the truth of your evil i can't see all i can see is this guy in this hat that we can't remember the name of bullskin hat it's a bear skin is it a bear it's a bear lung what's it called changing the guard hat what say that say changing the guard hat all right i'm doing it now a bare skin yes thank you i was right off right let's just drink this come on come on drink this

drink i'm never doing a real-time episode again it's embarrassing alcoholic sparkling water now this will be unsweetened because this is the trend now. Yes. Have you noticed you can get in America, it's known as La Croix, which is this

everyone goes mad for it, which is these cans of La Croix. It's sparkling water with alcohol. No, with a fruit flavor, but there's no sugar. Do you see what I mean?

And we've had ugly. They're ugly in this country. You've seen that brand, Ugly? Yeah, it's like it's fizzy water, but there's no sugar. So there's no sweetness. It's just the flavour of the water

and the... Carbonation. And the fruit flavour. Well, that's just sparkling water. No, it's got a fruit flavour in it. But the fruit flavouring has no sugar. There's no sweetness to it. Well, then does it taste nice?

I like them. They're very refreshing. Does it have no flavour? You get a lime one or you get a berry one and it's just that sort of berry. So it's an artificial

fruit flavour with no sweeteners or sugars in. Yes. And it just makes fizzy water taste nice. Yeah. But that's his alcoholic one,

this one, isn't it? And I think that's what they've done now because La Croix is so big in America making it as a mixer with people. Just pour it in my glass

because it's booze and I want it now and I'm becoming very, very irritable. No, but I think you'll be surprised at how unsweet this is. Because it's not going

to be sweet for you. We're filming this as well and it's going to go on forever. It does have a very, it's not giving, it's got a very artificialable. No, but I think you'll be surprised at how unsweet this is. Because it's not going to be sweet, Paul. Remember, we were filming this as well, and it's going to go on forever. It does have a very... It's not giving... It's got a very artificial huff there, Paul. Come on. Oh, it's clear as well.

That's what I'm saying. I thought it would have some colour. It's clear, you see? It's not a soft drink. It's hard seltzer. Right, go on. That's enough. Because seltzer water in America is unsweetened, isn't it?

It does have a hint of cherry to it. I'll say that. Really? Aren't you getting an artificial thing there? Not particularly, but the flavour goes. Now, what is the ABV? What is the percentage on artificial thing there? Not particularly, but the flavor goes. Now, what is the ABV? What's the percentage on this?

On the booze, what's the Volcahol? Well, Volcahol is 4.7. That's quite strong. That's not, yeah. It's stronger than I thought. Strongish lager. Same as that.

Yeah. About a Foster's or something. It's a much smaller can than you get a beer in, though. So, see-through. You'd get less of a unit count on that. Here we go. Have I showed this to you, Cam?

I'm going to test it now, boys and girls. Ugh. I love the honesty there, Paul. Because it's got no flavour. No sweetness. No flavour. You drink it. Drink it.

You drink it and tell me if there's any outward flavour other than that weird sense of the flavour you get from a sparkling drink. You must be able to taste the booze in some way. It's so faint. You wouldn't even know you're drinking booze. Would you think that was alcoholic if you drank it? I wouldn't. I think it would just be slightly bad. That's disgusting. That's slightly bad fizzy water.

That's disgusting. Maybe it just tastes so bad because we've been drinking sweet things before it. No, there's nothing there. There's a bitterness to the alcohol. I can taste the alcohol. Do you know when you buy that fizzy water, perineum, what's that drink called? Perineum. Perrier.

Perrier. And it goes flat real quick. Perineum. Perineum fizzy water. I've got that. Sweaty day. Yeah, it's the sweat of a million nuns on their perineum. Fizzy water goes flat and it has that weird, almost metallic flavour? Yeah, yeah. That's what this tastes like, but fizzy.

And there's barely any cherry. It's not very nice, I don't like that. And if you told me it was alcoholic, I wouldn't believe you, because it tastes like shit, fizzy, flat water. It's not very good at all, that. I didn't like that. No, that's awful. We didn't like that.

Right, what are we going to do now? Here we go. Thirsty for more. Oh, we haven't guessed which one has the most sugar. Wait, wait, wait. Dr. Foot. Wait, wait. Which has the most sugar?

Dr. Foot. I think it's the other one. I think it's the... You go. How do we guess? I guess there's a sugar content on the side. Do they tell us? On the tin, yeah.

Sugar. Where have we got? Energy, fat, saturates, carbohydrates, sugars, sugars, sugars. So there is 11 grams of sugar

per 100 mil or 28 grams of sugar per 250. So what's yours? They're different sizes, aren't they? Yeah, but it's... Now we're going to work this out.

Give me your glass. I need to pour this away. Because I can't hold it right upside down and read the sugar constant. I could do it on this one, couldn't I? I did work this out. Give me your glass. I need to pour this away. Because I can't hold it right upside down and read the sugar concert. I could do it on this one, couldn't I? I did it really easily.

Well fucking done. I don't want to spill shit all over the fucking room. Wait. Why don't you just take a shit on the floor while I'm asking you to? But it's not the same

and you always burp on the show. Right, are you ready? Yeah, I can't edit that out though. So, see how much it says it is. It'll probably still give you the same ratio. It's hard to see. I'm going to have to go over there.

No, let me have a look. Let me do it. You're going to need the light for that. What does it say? 10 grams per 100 mil. 10 per 100. And then that one is... I think it was higher, actually.

I think you were right. I'll go. Cherry bomb is... That was Dr. Foots, by the way. Is 11 per 100. Really? So yeah, this is slightly more sweet than that. So I get to go in the grab bag again.

Well done. Let's have a look in the lovely grab bag. That's going to be a hard seltzer because we both know that's sugar free. I wonder if there's another sock or something. There is, there is. Oh, sweetie pie on a fucking is that tommy jesus christ you're always snatching it i get snatched with the tommy stuff don't i this is mine and you just snatch it up my hands sorry i'm gonna have a look at the little bird it's a little yellow bird on a

caboose a tram or something no it's a carriage a carriage, a train carriage, isn't it? You know I need this. You know I need this. You know I need this. I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you, mate. It's not Tweety Pie, though, is it? It looks like it, though, a little bit.

A little bit. I think you can connect them. Because, look, see, there's a bit at the front and a bit at the back. So you get one, your mate gets one, you fucking couple of trains all around the road. You're fucking docking them. You're fucking bird docking them. No, you wouldn't dock them oh you just make a little centipede little dirty oh it hasn't been enough a birdie centipede if you're

gonna do that birdie centipede man bird man bird man man owl man duck man swan man bird man man pigeon is it gonna be a man and a bird and a man and a bird forever? Can I see an emu? Kalaka to mouth, kalaka to bum. Kalaka to mouth, kalaka to bum. It's not called a kalaka. Beak to bum, kalaka to mouth. Kalaka.

Beak to bum, kalaka to mouth. Kalaka. Beak to bum, kalaka to mouth. It's not kalaka. It's kalaka. Yes, yes, yes. Shut up. You can have that because I'm a nice guy.

Right, what's it say? I'll say Chodney and I'll say Boroff and I'll say Chodney, Boroff, Spodoff. Right. If you don't fucking... Shh. Right, that's pretty much it except for one more thing. You can award one of your listeners

a goodie bag courtesy of me. Have them decide, solve this riddle and then send in the triple digit code by a date you decide. Okay, when? By next week? I don't know.

Well, give it a month from now then. Yeah, but loads of people might solve it real quick. What number is it? I don't know well give it a month from now then yeah but loads of people might solve it real quick what number is it I don't know I don't know anymore I don't know any numbers right

he's very bad with numbers everyone right maybe I'll go back to those Ghostbusters cards 245 it was last week so this will be 246

so that means we're four weeks away when will we announce the winner of the riddle what episode wait I want a fucking commitment I know when to do this where's me diary So that means we're four weeks away. When will we announce the winner of the riddle? What episode? Wait, wait, wait.

I know when to do this. Where's my diary? Where's my washboard? Give me those fucking Ghostbusters stickers. Month. Right. Keep talking through those. Where are we? What day is it today?

What time of man? Okay, by Friday the 10th. Friday the 10th of September. Get your answers in if you can fix this three-digit code. Can I read it out? No, because you don't know what's going on and you can't focus and I want to just get this fucking done. That's pretty much it. Get off

me. I'm going to lamp you. I'm going to lamp you. I'm going to flip this table and then I'm going to defile your eyes. Everyone heard that. Yeah. I'm going to make sure your eyes see horrors before you blink out of existence, you rotten donkey man. Let me... Right.

Let me read it. Have them solve this riddle and send me the triple-digit code by a date. So this will... You've got to figure out what the code is and then send it to them. It's an episode, obviously, isn't it? It's obviously an episode number,

but here's the code. I'll let you read it out. It's the red one. Thank you. Red writing at the bottom. Big Daddy is well fit. His crispy bits are worth the washing up. Can you say that again, but maybe not affected and pointless?

Big Daddy is well fit. His crispy bits are worth the washing up. 3, 2, 1. 3, 2, 1. Big Daddy is well fit. His crispy bits are worth the washing up. So if you know what episode Big Daddy is well fit, his crispy bits are worth the washing up. So if you know what episode Big Daddy is well fit, it's crispy bits are worth the washing up,

then send it to event. And you get a... I don't know. It says goodie bag. Goodie bag. Maybe it's in here. So we can put together some stuff from this goodie bag and send it to them.

All right? We have to make the goodie bag, don't we? Yeah. Out of this stuff. I'll put something in the goodie bag. And something else. Just send it round. A few old cheap show bits

and I'll send it in the post to the winner. How about that? I'll put something very special in there. To celebrate 250, it's a little grab bag goodie bag prize. I'll put something special. I'm drunk and tired and I'm done with this. Alright, we've got a whole end of the episode to do. So Big Daddy is well fit. His

crispy bits are worth the watching up. What episode number is that? If you think you know, why don't you get in touch with Yven, send her the triple digit code by the 10th of september oh what a fucking weird episode this has been what else have we got to do that's it we're done oh wait no hang on oh these cards remember what do we do those who won the betwings me grab the thing play the thing oh a game of high low if you want to do the cards if you don't want the game of the sugar thing we could have done instead of the sugar we could have done high low with these cards we should

probably show it off because look oh they're very nice i like those they come with figures do they comes with some figures it says oh these are, these are lovely. Can I keep these, please? Yes, you can have those. Two of the four card pieces have figurines, so they've made little Funko Pop-style figures of the card characters. I know, but they're nicer than Funko Pops. I mean, it works with a Funko Pop-style figure

because it's... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It works better than just any random property. So is that a Jack and a King? Yeah. Brilliant. And they're just like the faces you So is that a Jack and a King? Yeah. Brilliant. And they're just like the faces you get on playing cards,

and they're square. So the squareness, the unnaturalness of the FunGuard Pop format adds to it, doesn't it? The cards are quite nice as well. Very nice. Let me see those. I mean, it's simple. Those are great.

Nice tin as well. Nice tin. Yeah, you can have that. Very nice, Paul. I mean, I don't want to do high-low to you right now. No. Wait. Wait, hang on.

Hang on. Is there something else in there? I thought I saw something else in there. Wait, hang on. There's one last thing, isn't there? There's one last thing, hang on. I need to move it. Hang on, over here.

Oh, those cards are lovely, I tell you. No! What? How the f. No! What? How the f... What? What? Mate, we have to stop this. I don't...

Stop what? We have to stop this episode. Fine. Someone's fucking playing a trick. What do you mean? Look. Did someone put some... Look at this!

What is that? That looks like a... That's a fucking box that has our characters in it. I buried this in fucking Rendlesham Woods. You did what? Why? I buried the box of our characters in it. I buried this in fucking Rendlesham Woods. You did what? Why? I buried the box of our characters in the woods. Why did you do that?

Because... You shouldn't have done that. They should at least ask me. You should have done nothing but ruin every episode we've ever done with. You should have talked... I thought when we ended this... Is Inchman in there? They're all in here from Generation 1.

Inchman? The world's favourite character? They're all... No, no, don't dig that up. Is Inchman going to come out? They could do so much better than that. Be better than Inchman. Well.

The point is, someone must have dug this up and put it in the fucking suitcase. What? Why would they do that? I want this gone. I don't want these characters in here. Mate, I just wouldn't bury it somewhere in Rendlesham where the psychic energies are so high that it might have vibrated it out. Put it through a time loop,

some kind of wormhole in the very fabric of the universe and it's popped up back into this box. Well, I want this fucking car. I think that's what you're saying. I need to destroy this. Give it here, Paul. No, I'm going to get rid of it. I want this strong...

Paul, let me have a look. I'll burn it. No, I'll just have a look. Let me have a look, mate. Come on, get it here. Get off. Get off it. Oh, shit. Come on, have a look mate. Come on, get it here! Get off! Get off it! Oh shit! Come on everybody, let's get the fuck out of here!

I'll tell you I got a sketch out this time. I'm gonna get it out of you. It's fucking interesting. I could refreeze right on this place. Wait, wait, come here! Don't go in there! Come on, come back here! I'm ordering you, get back in here! Wait, wait, come here! Don't go in there! Come on, come back here! I'm ordering you to get back in there!

Wait, wait! Come here! Oh, fuck, they've... They've escaped. They went out, they just went out. They're out? All the old characters are back out in the world. What happens next?