CheapShow - Ep 247: What Dreams May Cum

Episode Date: September 10, 2021

Special Guest: Ethan Lawrence CheapShow is back at Soho Radio Studios to record another episode with a lovely new guest. Although he's been a fan of the pod for a while, we can't help but feel he isn't ready for the "real thing" and he soon finds himself caught in a torrent of rants, arguments and impromptu new characters. The poor guy! Ethan Lawrence, from TV shows such as the award winning "Afterlife" on Netflix and C4's "Bad Education" finally joins the economy comedy podcast for games, chat and horrors. He's also brought with him his own curated Price of Shite! Paul & Eli are pitted against each other for high stakes p'twing action, but will they get ANY p'twings at all? Paul has a fun new Gannon's Golden Games that asks a simple question... What Came First? It's not as easy as you may think, and certainly not as easy as Eli thought it was going to be. And speaking of Eli... If he ever offers to tell you his dreams, decline politely and move on with the conversation. Ethan and Paul definitely regret asking him. But how bad can it be? Find out this week on Cheapshow. See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-247-what-dreams-may-cum And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Follow Ethan on https://twitter.com/EthanDLawrence Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

What happened? Did you see them? No, don't do it like that. That's way too urgent. And it makes you sound like you're a cokehead. Which, to be fair, a lot of people thought you were after last week's episode. It was all, yeah. I was excited. I had hay fever and was excited.

So, sue me. Some people could. What for? Being a twat. I don't know. Move on. Let's do this bit again. It's like, oh. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Bear with us as we reset the scene.

So, did you see any of them? Yeah, much better. I like the underplayed fucking I don't care-ness on it all. Did you see any of them? No. The characters that escaped from the box, everybody. Remember that? Anyone remember that from last week?

Do you want to start again? Yes. All right. Right, in between those two performances, maybe, yeah? Yeah, find a middle ground that, you know, you're an actor. Every time you say that, it makes it worse. Every time you say it, it makes it worse. It gets harder.

I know. And the older you get, it must hurt even more. Shut your fucking mouth. How about that? Right. I'll start it. Yeah. Right?

Oh. That's the non-verbal noise let's get out that's my that's my coming into character moment i love it love these little warm-up bits all right let me do it ready okay oh i don't know i don't know mate i i went looking for them after they escaped and they just scattered into the wind everywhere didn't ran. You know like when you see cockroaches when you turn over a stone, they leg it. It was like that with our characters. Every direction, yeah. I went looking up the high street.

I looked at a couple of shops. No one had seen Grumbly. No one had seen Randolph. It's funny how they came out very small to be able to fit into the box and then grew as they ran. They grew. Weirdly, as they ran towards the horizon,

they got bigger. Yeah, and like those things you put in water. Yeah, so I don't know. They expand in water. You can get an egg or something and put it in water. No, I put in water. Yeah. So I don't know. They expand in water. Like you can get an egg or something and put it in water. No, I've blown down now, mate. I don't know. I've got a winning poker hand.

It's like a card and you make it big in water. Sorry, I was going to put my hand up. Yes. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm talking about those novelty toys that are made of foam that expand in water. That's what I'm talking about. A Shrinky Dink. Yeah. Yeah? Or do Shrinky Dink? Yeah.

Yeah? Or do Shrinky Dinks shrink because you put them in the oven? Oh, yeah. Like Monster Munch crisp packets. Yeah. Do you remember those? Of course I remember Monster Munch crisp packets. You never see that.

No. Do you remember there was a thing on the back? Oh, you don't see white dog poo anymore either. Do you remember there was a thing where you put them in the oven? Yeah. And they turned into a miniature version of the crisps. Like that you could mount on a pin badge or something. Anyway, our characters have gone missing, everyone.

Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept! Cheap Show Off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show.

It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I go for the bargain bins at charity shops and pound lands of Great Britain to look for the treasure amongst the trash.

Hello, Eli, how are you? Hello, Paul, I am good. We're joined by yet another guest in our new popular We've Got Guests segment of the show. What's the whole show? It's not just one segment. How many segments have we got him for? We've got him for, including this one. Yes.

Three. Including the fourth, if he wants to say something during the checkout part of the admin. Yeah, I think we should. We'll allow him. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome onto the show, long-time listener, first-time caller. He is an actor, comedian, and fisherman. Is that true? I don't know.

Let's find out when we welcome onto the show Ethan Lawrence. Strangest introduction. A fisherman. Yeah, I don't know. You look like a fisherman. You've got a fisherman's... A fisherman's what? Yeah, a fisherman's what, Paul?

What's the word when you... No, finish that sentence. A fisherman's what? Fisherman's friend. He's got a fisherman's friend. For the audience at home, He was also waving his arms By his side In a kind of

Insulting Frankly Insulting way I've never seen fishermen Stand by the side of the river And they do this They go Like a gull

Yeah Like they hover with wings Why would a gull Attract fish Gulls eat fish Scared They'd be scared Fish would be scared

Yeah but there's another fisherman On the other side of the river With his rod out And they all swim towards him. And it's a double impact fishing attack. Ethan, have you ever been angling? I went for what? Compliments.

Yes, and I've also been fishing. I did the international sign for the trombone. Well done. We picked up on that. It's good. We're working. There's really good chemistry in this room. But yeah, I went fishing with my granddad once when I was a kid, but not recently.

I don't have any equipment or anything. It seems fun. You sit on the banks. Not that much fun. I used to go fishing with my dad, and I stopped one day after, when I was walking along the bank, I put my foot in and through a dead fish that was on the side. Right. And it burst in a kind of creamy foam around my shoe.

Oh, no. Really? You turned it. No, but the worst bit was not that. The deployment of the word foamy there. Really well done. The worst bit was its mouth opened, and all its guts came out through its mouth. And from that point on, I couldn't go fishing again.

And for the record, throughout that, Paul was like waving his ass by his side. Do the goal. Do the goal. He's Paulie, does the goal. Do the goal. Do the goal. Scare the fish, you. Scare the fish, you.

Do the goal. You put your arms in the air like you just don't care. Do the goal. Do the good goal. You put your foot for a fish like you just don't care. Do the goal. Do the good goal. Hey, woman. You're fit for a fish like you just don't care. Do the goal. Do the goal. You catch no fish when you do the goal.

Is that my water? Right. So, Paul, shall we just get this out of the way? Sorry, Ethan. I had a very disturbing dream about you this morning. Oh, why? Now, here's the thing. You know when you sleep, you have three or four dreams a night, but you only really remember

the one you wake up from or out of. This was the very last one. It must have been the best of all your dreams. I'm on tenterhooks. It was the very last one. Basically, it all followed on from the events of DigiLive last night. We did a show last night.

Yeah, a very long, very tiring, very painful show that I can't wait for you all to see on YouTube in the future. And it took me ages to get home. Four night buses. Four night buses? I saw parts of North West London, exciting parts of North West London

that I've never seen before. Green Dragon Lane. Green Dragon Lane? Have you ever heard of that? It sounds magical. Yeah. Crazy stuff. Yeah. It was a real night bus odyssey for me last night, Paul. But anyway. When did you leave then? Like 1-ish? I left at 12.36. Nice and specific. Very exact.

I'm not the police, right? You know that. No, it was funny because there were some people who came to the show who were on the bus. Got two buses with me. Oh, you had to do small talk and you were in the mood. No, I was just like, I'm going upstairs. They were like, fair enough. No, I mean, come on. Fuck you. Small talk is, you know, small talk's awkward for people who are fans of yours as well as

it is for you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless they're demented. Do you know what I'm getting at? I get you, I get you. They don't want me, you know, trying to be like, well, funny or whatever. No, good, because why would they expect that?

Right, in this dream, I was trying to get something to eat and it was like this supermarket. We were out of town. Right. We were out of town. I think it was with you. We were doing a show or something. I was trying to buy meat in this supermarket and i kept getting meat and it would be like off off and it'd be like what is wrong with this this is off and i couldn't get and i kept trying to return this meat to this supermarket what kind of meat was it like

a dead fish like a foamy dead fish oh no it was more like ham sweaty ham slices or sweaty bacon slices right right and it was all like wrong and Sweaty ham slices or sweaty bacon slices. Right, right. And it was all, like, wrong. And all the staff in the supermarket were kind of rude and sort of dismissive. And everything was rotten and I couldn't get the food. And I was just really, you know, one of those sort of anxiety frustration dreams. About meat. Yeah, I have them all the time.

I keep trying to get something to eat, but it's not good enough. You know what I mean? That sort of feeling. And then you were naked and you were coming at me and it switched to this it switched to this like on a dime one minute you're looking

at the supermarket one minute you're looking at sweaty me and then you're looking at sweaty me coming at you yeah and you're coming at me and you keep trying

to fucking sumo me over right sumo you over yeah and I'm naked yes and this comes to play very moment in a moment I've got a bit of I've got a bit of a wet tent. And this comes to play very moment in a moment.

I've got a bit of a wet tent coming on. That comes into play in a moment. I really wish you'd stop saying come. I wish you'd stop saying my name in this. Right. And you keep, you're sort of red and engorged physically. You're not erect, but you're engorged physically. You're excited.

I'm coming at you engorged is what I'm taking away from this and you keep trying to push me over like doing the flip yeah yeah yeah

and I keep sort of getting out of it but then on the third time you manage to get me down and I'm like and I'm like oh god can I feel his penis

and I could and it was all soft and weird it was all foamy soft and weird Paul and so when Iamy, soft and weird, Paul. And so when I saw you today, when you came in,

I was just like, oh, I'm having a visceral memory of your foamy, weird bits. Anyway, that was the dream. Thank you. It's something for the wank bank for everyone, I'm sure. Oh, no.

All of it. All of it. All of it. What happened to the meat? Yeah, the meat was forgotten because he was like getting quite aggressive. He was being aggressive.

It was like play fighting, but you know, he was serious. He wanted me on the ground. There was an element of menace to it. And if you'd like us to do that on Patreon, please think about coming and joining us on patreon.com

forward slash cheap show where you can see naked wrestling between me and Eli on a night bus. Yeah, it was all to do with the sort of anxiety of the show and stuff, I think. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty full on last night

and it ran over by an hour. It's always the fucking same. Biffo every year goes, keep it simple. We're going to do a simple show this year. Nothing elaborate. Cut to giant foam fucking chicken goujon on stage a wall of faceless army people led goujon john robotic demonic face penis props it was the maddest fucking thing but it was such a great night yes and uh yeah it was filmed and hopefully you'll see it on youtube in

the future but i wanted to say this before we get started so afterwards i wasn't meant to do a meet and greet because you know still a bit kind of guarded about covid and everything but i hung around then i met a few people we got some goodies um one of the best things i got and i i forgot the guy's name so i feel really really apologetic but you know how we like our tomy toys on cheap show we do like our tomy toys we do like you do like your tomy on Digitizer, we recently did a kind of Tomy gauntlet of games, didn't we? Where we did like, you know, Wow, R, Pac-Man, Screwball Scramble, the helicopter thing. The helicopter thing. But the other one was Rock and Roll Maze, which people say,

actually, you're meant to have a ball on the bottom of the thing to rock it and roll it around. And I was like, yes, but I didn't buy one because it didn't come with one when i saw it in the charity shop so shut up and i left that message 76 times for every single comment underneath that said that you really sounded like bruce forsyth when you said what's on the fold of his board 76 messages. So, anyway. So, you know how Tomy had like King Kong Man,

that Kong game that we did on Barsians, right? And they made a mini one. Apparently, well, not apparently, because I've got it

right here. There's a mini rock and roll maze. Yeah. Just have a little look at that. So, it's the exact same, not the exact

same shape and form, but it's got everything that the big version has, which is the little pyramid, the sliding gate, the sliding gate, the hidden maze, the little rotating circular bit

for the finale. All of the features that are on the large one. In a tiny little wind-up way. And I absolutely love it, and I also did not know that that even existed. It's clockwork as well,

as in mechanical, no batteries, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just wind it up, and there's a little button on the side to access it. That's a nice detail for me, that it's clockwork as well, as in mechanical, no batteries, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just wind it up and there's a little button on the side to access it. That's a nice detail for me that it's got, you know,

pre-electronic sort of... It does put a kind of time limit on your play though because, you know, you have to play it until it runs out. Yes, and it will go after a while in the spring

as well, won't it? So it probably gets worse with time. But this is just a beautiful thing just to look at and hold, Paul. Isn't it a beautiful thing to hold? And I've got... My Tomy collection is vast now when it comes to these little toys.

And I'm a 43-year-old man. So how pathetic's that? It's not pathetic at all. I really like that. I'm jealous of the fact that you got it. No, well, you can't have it. That's mine. That's what I thought.

Yeah. I imagined that. You're not having that. You're not having that. No, no one's asking for it, Paul. You're not having it either. I'm not asking for it, mate. And I've also got your wow, and I've decided you're not having that back.

Why? Because it's mine now. What? Daddy's, it's in Daddy's cupboard. Don't call yourself Daddy around me. It's Daddy's cupboard of games. Of rotten meat. Absolutely, no.

Daddy's. You had a foamy penis. Daddy's foamy penis. Oh, what's coming up on this flipping show today, Paul? Well, today on the show, we are going to be playing A Price of Shite, but we have not curated this. Our guest, Ethan, has done it for us. I have indeed.

Now, is there anything you want to just quietly, quickly prep us about in terms of the game, like how many items, what's the limits, just something we can get our teeth into? Well, I have got five items for you that I have bought from where I live, out in the boonies. What's that? What's the boonies. What's that? What's the boonies? It's like, you know, the boondocks,

like, you know, out deep in rural. I live rural. Oh, so like it's a British goonies. Yeah, why not? Yeah, because they were a little rural town. That's why they were called, because they came from the goondocks, goonies. The goondocks?

The goondocks. Goondock saints. Isn't it called goondocks? It's boondocks. It's Goondocks? Is Boondocks Is that an Americanism though? I believe so Yes But I just used it here

I thought it would be fun But it's really It tripped him up It tripped him up I like it as a word Boonies Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks

Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boondocks Boond Catching up. That's it. Whereabouts in the country? I'm in deep Essex. Like, not the outer London bit of Essex, but the proper farmer countryside bit of Essex. Not Brentwood, Eli. Not Basildon Pole. Oh, I know those references. I was in Brentwood the other day. Were you? Yeah.

Was it exciting? There's a record box I want to return to and buy it. No, I'm done. I'm not interested. I thought I was. You know what it is? It's the new line. The Elizabeth line. Yeah. Which the new line, the Elizabeth line.

Yeah. Which they're not calling the Elizabeth line now. Really? No. Now it's Transport for London Rail. And it's weird because on the announcements in the carriages, they obviously have already recorded someone saying, this is the Victoria line to so-and-so.

The Elizabeth. The Elizabeth line, sorry. But you can hear it goes, this is the Transport for London Rail line in a different voice you know what I mean

they've got it all covered up waiting for when they can actually call it the Elizabeth line I was going to say I walked past

Tottenham Court Road and I saw the Elizabeth line thing there all of the branding and everything in place a nice royal purple

I like the colour choice and I tell you it's going to do wonders for Essex. It really is. It's like sending a tube all the way out into Shenfield. Forget about it.

Yeah. When I went to Brentwood, we were going to go to Shenfield. Excuse you. Absolutely excuse you. I came in today. Are you past Shenfield then? You're way out past Shenfield. I'm way past Shenfield.

He's in the boonies. Thank you. He's in the boonies. So yeah, I don't know what the sort of price differentials would be between charity shops from where I live and charity shops in London. So we could be having an interesting one, lads. Yes, yes.

We're going to have to do rural waiting. Yes. Rural waiting. There's a vast difference between inside the Ringarow and then outside the Ringarow, the pricing of the Ringarow things. This is a very gesture-heavy episode. I know. It it's funny for an audio format isn't it it's hilarious phony i film these uh so you've got five items you say five items and the limit is uh i spent

seven pounds nice it's good to know five items seven pounds a good spread proper this is gonna be proper classic rules is it i think so i've designed this to be as classic as possible right because we're very serious about the betwings as you know i have all i've factored this all in i factored this all don't you worry right i got this all right okay so paul while we're on the subject of betwings going back to last week's episode the mystery suitcase yeah we're gonna you awarded yourself a fucking betwing it wasn't in the rules i've seen it i see stuff on twitter yeah yeah yeah you lurk on twitter you shouldn't have got a between for that all that you got for winning the fishing

game which was contentious in the first place wasn't wasn't a between though it wasn't a between you got you got the chance to do the grab bag which you did anyway some fucking dirty rat cunt on fucking twitter right notice that i added, right? That gave me a point. Because you don't read, you don't care, do you, about the rules? You don't invest. I can do what I want. You added a line.

I've meddled with the rules before. This is properly Machiavellian. You added something to the printout. Point in my head. What is it with you and meddling with fish? I fucking love meddling. I love meddling. I love being a puppet master.

You're like stamping on fish corpses. You cheat on fish games Now it was Yeah You're my allergic reaction to fish As I hate them It's a fetish It is a fetish at this point

A fetish would be a lie It is That's closer to the truth He's got a psychosomatic fear of the other I.E. I.E. What does that even mean? I.E.

It's the age of Aquarius Yes This is the Pisces rising. You Pisces fucking rising. Don't threaten me, Paul. Don't threaten me. Wait, wait.

We've got a celebrity on because he's been in films and TV and shit. What I'm going to do is we're going to watch this. What are you going to do? Watch this. Can you sign this for me, please? It's the Bad Education movie.

Go on, it's on Blu-ray, and I got it in a charity shop for 25 pence. Nice. Just sign it anywhere you want. Yeah, I'm on the cover. Yeah, he's on the cover. Let's see. He's one of them.

Oh, you're the only person on the cover. No, he's not the only person, because that's just Jack Whitehall. I prefer to see you there, actually. But look, where are you down there? I'm right in the corner, I think. Yeah. Right in there.

You're tucked away. In the headlock, right? Yeah, I'm in a headlock. God, I can't even see. Your face is so small on this post. When they make movies based on sitcoms and stuff, is there a clause that says it has to be set on holiday? No, but it's just a way of elevating things, isn't it?

It's weird how many British films do that when they transfer from sitcom to film. It's like, let's go on holiday, isn't it? It's weird how many British films do that when they transfer from sitcom to film. It's like, let's go on holiday. Every single one. Almost every one. Name a sitcom, and if this had a movie, it's probably gone on holiday. Even popular characters, like Harry Enfield's Kevin and Perry.

Yeah, they went to Ibiza, didn't they? So there's one. There's Bad Education. Did they go on holiday in that film? Yeah, we went to Ibiza, didn't they? So there's one. There's the, well, there's Bad Education. Did they go on holiday in that film? Yeah, we went to Cornwall. And it's one of those things where I think, especially for a school, you're always stuck in the school setting

when you're doing it normal, because it's a school show. And so when you need to go big, you go on a school trip, don't you? It's the obvious route to Cornwall. Yeah. I mean, yes. Cornwall doesn't quite push it into

proper holiday status where there's a kind of... There's actually a gag about that in the film. I'm surprised you haven't watched it yet, Paul. Right, so... Over his shoulder!

And again, another thing no one can see. Fuck me running. The rudeness. I know. Let's go through this, right? I'm getting petwings all over my body.

I just feel it, Paul. I can feel the petwings. Right, right. Only Fools and Horses did a feature-length episode where they went to Miami, right? Yes. That's Miami twice. Right.

Porridge, did they go on holiday? I can't remember. No. No, that was just a football match, wasn't it? That was good. Porridge is probably one of the best. Have you seen it? Yeah.

It's great, because I love the idea that they have to break into prison. I think everything about that show is best. Have you seen it? Yeah. It's great because I love the idea that they have to break into prison. I think everything about that show is class. Are You Being Served, they went on holiday. Did they? Yeah, they went to some... Well, that was the thing. In Britain in the 70s, there was the kind of birth of the package holiday.

So I think a lot of the reasons why these films had that plot was because it was a very British new boom to kind of... Everyone going on holiday to IP for all cool food. I think that that convention in a comedy film which came from like it being a sort of new thing to go abroad on holiday

at the time has remained in British film. To the point where it's like In Between Us 1 and 2 aren't they both holiday movies? Yeah, they just keep going on fucking holiday.

Yeah, they went to Greece in one and I think maybe Ibiza in the other. Yeah, it's so weird because I think maybe the British imagination is our big plot we've got this sitcom it's huge what's our big plot let's go on a holiday like lovely people

yeah which is sort of a happy time going on holiday isn't it it sort of can be stressful and farcical but also kind of positive do you know what i mean because you're going on holiday well we got up to some raucous hijinks in cornwall did you watch the film paul you would know that we get up to all sorts of stuff at the Eden Project. We go to the Eden Project in the film park. Yeah, you know what the Eden Project is. I don't. That's a greenhouse.

What happens is... It's a big greenhouse. Is it? It's about a mile long. I want to go. It's made out of geodesic domes. Oh, no, you're thinking of centre parks, you fucking idiot. No, no, no.

I'm thinking of... Don't tell me where I went. Why did you get so combative with Ethan? Why are you fighting me? You were lying down on the ground for him, Manusik. You begged me to come on the show. I've got two hairy people looking at me with all their beards and stuff. It just feels manky in here.

I don't like it. Let's crack on with the show. Now it's time for the part of the show where we find out how much the price of the shite is. And Eli, I'll let you do the theme tune today because we've kind of forgot to do it the last few goes. I've noticed that. I know. I've been upset. Right, he's doing the funky chicken.

Oh, it's the funky price of shite. It's the funky price of shite. It's the funky price of shite. It's the funky price of shite. Can I start again? Please do. All right, can you cut that one out? No.

It's the fucking price of shite. I'm going to cut this one too. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. That's right. Thank you. Did a bit of an overlap there.

A little bit of an overlap. You fucked it. Your height was into my it. And it and it crossed over into the void. What the fuck am I saying? It's the game. I can't think. I'm tired.

I've been acting wacky for a day now and I'm bored of it. Fucking bored of being wacky. This is a bit like a sweaty Tudor lodge, isn't it, in here? Yeah. I'm going to go sleep. Just come to my side. So it's the Price

of Shite. It's a game where we guess the price of shite items of tat, Paul. Usually taken from charity shops, but this time we have

handed it over to Ethan to supply the tat. Thank you for doing so. No problem at all. My pleasure. Now, when you were

looking for these items, did you have a remit in mind? Did you have a plan? Or was it just like, that shit, I'm getting that? It was really that shit, I'm getting that. Great, that's fine. Because I wasn't really sure what I was going to find.

So I thought to myself, best not make a plan. Let's just wait for something to jump out at me. That's the way, isn't it? Because we haven't sourced a price of shite for us in a while because we've had so many PO box stuff. But when I go out, I go, can we get a story out of that? Can we get a little bit of magic from that? He's always curating.

Curating. Because there's some very boring items. And then I get a massive bag in the corner of my flat that my angry girlfriend says I have to take to a charity shop that gets fuller and fuller every week of price of shite tats that I can't get rid of. Well, some lovely fans at Digi last night gave me a little slug boy in a box and gave me the price. What's that mean last night gave me a little slug boy in a box

and gave me the price. Little porcelain slug boy in a box, Paul? No, but that's not a sentence, is it? Yes, it is. A little tiny slug boy in a box. A little porcelain slug boy in a box. That is a sentence. It sounds more like a Nick Cave lyric. That's still a sentence.

Also writes in English as far as I've heard. It's a sentence, Paul. I'll tell you what isn't a sentence. I'll give you a not sentence. Here we go. I'll give you a not sentence. Oh, I'm looking forward to this. Purchase helicopter sat. No, you're right.

That's not a sentence. That's not a sentence. That is a sentence. Is it? Purchase helicopter sat. You could make it into a sentence. The purchase helicopter sat down. Oh, yeah.

Because in by two. No, the car's already in. Because in by two. Because in by two. No, the car's already in. Because in by two. Because in by two. Yeah, that's not a sentence. Ten by two. So your cousins were. Because.

Because. In. In. By. Two. Right, I'm going to do one now. Right. Hello, my name is Paul.

Oh, I can't do it. It's really hard. Don't start with language on me, yeah? Right, so, okay, let's just get this going then. Yay! Reveal your first item from your price of Shaitan. Can we just clear... Ethan, if you would, can you just get...

Because we will be competing against each other. Yes. So it's all about the betwings. What is it all about, Paul? The twings, the bethings. Yes, betwings are the thing we want, and those are the things we need. So, how many betwings...

Ethan, please tell us how many Petwings are available on these five items and what the rules will be in detail. So there are five items. So as you know, you get two Petwings if you get the price on the button. Nice, he knows. You get one Petwing if you're 25p either way. Excellent.

And I will say there is a bonus Petwing on offer if you're able to get the prices in ascending order. Okay. So are you going to show this to them in any random order then? The order will be random. Right. So if our prices go up in line with the items, we're getting a bonus per twing.

There's a bonus per twing on offer. It's quite a subtle bonus per twing there, Paul, and I'll be playing for it. I'll be bearing it in mind and playing for it. So I believe that means there are 11 per twings in the offing. Wow. That's a lot of petwings. That is a lot.

I'm going to get more as well because you've been insulting the guest. Yeah, I've been insulting the guest. And I am going to be changing the prices on the fly. That's a good point. Well played. Yeah. I've been hoist by my own petard. Oh, he loves that.

And as a quick reminder, I spent £7. £7 max. £7 ceiling. Let's do this. So first of all. Right. All right. Give that to Eli and he And as a quick reminder, I spent £7 on this. £7 max. £7 ceiling. Let's do this. So, first of all. Right. All right, give that to Eli and he can have a quick look first. It is this.

Oh, what is it? Right, what have I got here? This is, ooh, this is class. This is, um. Is it? This is a travel alarm clock. Is it? I thought from this distance, I honestly thought it was a tape dispenser.

It's a miniature alarm clock and it comes in its own faux leather carrying case oh that's very nice the case is in a hot fuchsia pink and it's a dinky little thing mint on card as they say it's very mint there's no card no it's mint on it yeah that's for fucking sure it's mint on plastic shall i oh it's really nice actually is this all right isn't it i was quite happy with it miniature alarm was quite happy throw it throw it throw it me do you want me to pass it across like several yes like humans fucking you to get two beady people in a room and they start to like touch each other i'm gonna lug this at your head go on there you go all right i'm gonna have a look at this oh it looks like a little baby's

carriage a little bit because it folds in i think it folds into the little case. It certainly does. The way it's in a display case, so it's been displayed, splayed, as it were. Quite. Yes. I believe it said on

the thing there's a gift aid donation sticker as well. That's good. I don't quite understand what gift aid is. Does that mean whatever you give to

them, a little bit of If you're a British taxpayer and you agree, they can basically get an extra 27% tax on what they sell. Yeah. Oh, that's good then.

They can get the tax back. Oh, that's all right then, isn't it? So it's always worth it. So does that mean not all items are gift aid? Not all items are, and this leads to a lot of confusion in charity shops. And also when you're in a hurry, or you know, you're just sick of waiting in line in bloody British Heart Foundation in Swiss Cottage. And like you're giving a whole stack of vinyl for them to price up. And some of them have the gift aid sticker on, which means they have to enter a whole separate eight digit code.

Oh, and that's complicated. Do you know what I mean? And so you're going back and forth and you just think. And like when the old deer can't read the code themselves and figure out how to work the till. It's like it can be problematic. I should have just nicked it. This isn't a show to abuse old ladies who volunteer in charity shows. And to be fair, the nice lady in my mind,

if you just give her all the items, she'll do it later on. You don't have to be there for it. You have a nice old lady in your mind. Yeah, the nice old lady lives in my mind. I wish I had a nice old lady in my mind. I know. You'd be much more balanced if you had a nice old lady lady lives in my mind. I wish I had a nice old lady in my mind. I know. You'd be much more balanced if you had a nice old lady that lived in your mind.

We do, but her name is Madame Lady Plop. That's the problem. That's really quite nice, though, when you... It's all right, isn't it? Look at that. It's quite nice. Little leathery pot wallet. It's got a real sort of kitsch appeal.

Kitsch appeal. Yeah. I like that. Lovely thing, and it works, presumably. I'm going to give that four out of five on the tat scale. Thank you. That's quite good. I'm pretty pleased with that.

I'm adding the tat scale to Price of Shine, I just realised. It's manufactured by Boots. There you go. Nice. I should say as well, I forgot to mention, these items were bought in two places, in the Mind and in the British Heart Foundation. Both in charity shops. Were these in proximity to each other in the same town?

Yeah, it's on the same high street. Okay. I tend to find Minds coming up roses these days with its contents. Well, you know, we got the pin badge cornucopia, which is mine, Camden. I can put up with cat piss smell all day long to buy badges there. I really want to look in that box of Blu-rays, but there's a cat asleep on the top of them, so I'll leave it this week. Now, should we toss a coin to see who goes first?

You go first. I'll go first because you always complain that you go first. I do always go fucking first. That's because you're the expert. You go first. Right, I'm going to say five items, £7 ceiling. I know. And we can change afterwards. I'm going to say £2 on the nose for this. As a guide price.

As a guide guess. I might have overpriced it somewhat, but I'm sticking with £2 for now. Yeah, I think you're in the right realm there, Paul, with the £2 on the nose, but I won't get between, so I'm going to go down.

You're going to go down. Just slightly to £2.75. £2.75, that's up. That's gone up, yeah. I mean, £1.75. I just wanted to make sure. I didn't want to screw you out of between.

Yes. That would be awful. Can you imagine? What, getting screwed out of between? yes that would be awful can you imagine what getting screwed out of a between it wouldn't be the first time because of someone's incompetence yeah that never happens or just plain cheating

last week thank you we'll be like the next item not cheating right next you don't have to do the next item we can hash this out yes let's do this it's fine thanks

right come on there you go he's handed me tiddlywinks tiddlywinks it's a tiddlywinks set but this is a fancy tiddlywinks set how He's handed me Tiddlywinks. Tiddlywinks. It's a Tiddlywinks set, but this is a fancy Tiddlywinks set. How can you have fancy Tiddlywinks?

Well, usually with Tiddlywinks, it's just the Tiddlywinks. Plastic coin thing. But these have some kind of target things, I think, in here. Yeah, hand-painted targets, it looks like. Like, you know, the design is hand-painted. Yes, it's a sort of illustrated look. Tiddlywinks. The great game of Tiddlywinks.

Takes seconds to learn, but years to master, Paul. Does it take years to master? It's fun for all the family. Do they still do Tiddlywinks competitions, you think? I mean, no. Fine. I mean, maybe. I don't know.

Despite what this box says, I don't think it is the most difficult skill to master. I think not a lifetime. They're overselling it, aren't they? Listen, if you sat down with some Tdlywinks and had a good week and you just from like you got some breakfast in had some oatmeal or something and then started and started playing tiddlywinks and you did it for seven hours every day i bet you'd sort of yeah have most of the tiddlywinks knowledge down by the end of that week wouldn't you but you'd have years to master no you'd have the knowledge but have you mastered it though yeah it's like can

you get it 100 of the time i'm gonna do take accept this challenge that is brewing and i'm going to become the world's greatest tiddlywink player right good you can absolutely take that out of my hands otherwise it's just going back to the mind from tiddlers to wobblers that's the type of first of all's that? And then what was that? The statement and then the reaction. No, it's from tiddlers to wobblers. Right. It's the type of people, as in from children to people who are old.

Old and flabby. Well, yeah, maybe they got... The goiter. The gottle. What's it called? A goiter. It's not a goiter. It is.

No, a goiter's when that swells up. Is it? Yeah. And all pus comes out. What? Yeah, that's like a disease. It's all foamy and everything. What's it called? The wattle. Whittle. Wattle. It's a that swells up. Is it? Yeah. And all pus comes out. What? Yeah, that's like a disease. It's all foamy and everything. What's it called?

The wattle. Whittle wattle. It's a wattle. Like what a turkey has. Yes. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks, Paul.

Because we, you know. Pulls me up on weird noises. Just a laser jammer. Pulls me up on weird noises. He's over there with these. I was painting a picture of a turkey. Oh, it's illustrative. In your mind.

Theatre of the mind. They're targets. That's a nice set. Oh, should I pass it to you? Yes, please. So I was painting a picture of a turkey. Oh, it's illustrative. In your mind. Theatre of the mind. They're targets. That's a nice set. Shall I pass it to you? Yes, please, so I can make a judgment. Now, I see you only get a tiddly and a wink. A big tiddly and a little wink. Is that what they call them?

The tiddly and the wink? I would have seen that the smaller one is the tiddly. Oh, that makes more sense. A tiddly and a big wink. I never knew. Oh, no. It says 16 small and 8 large tiddlywinks. They're all tiddlywinks.

So I think they're just universally known as a tiddlywink. Yeah. The tiddlywink. That's what I thought. They're like marbles. Tiddlywink, tiddlywink. They're not called Mar and Bells, isn't it? Tiddlywink, tiddlywink, tiddlywink, tiddlywink, tiddlywink, tiddlywink, tiddlywink, tiddlywink.

That's what you should do for the next Doctor Who. Add tiddlywinks to it. Great point, Paul. Yeah, great. Perhaps there could be a new baddie called the tiddlywinks to it. Great point, Paul. Perhaps there could be a new baddie called the tiddlywink monster or something. When you look at it,

it gets you and when you look away, it doesn't get you or something. No, that's the... Every other baddie. Well, that's the weeping angels. Yeah. Everyone, they're all like that.

They've all got some kind of gimmick. Like, oh, I'm looking. Don't think about it. It'll get you. The tiddlywinks would be a kind of 2D villain that exists on flat planes and it's like a kind of moving shadow and if you walk on it you slip into it and it can and then

but here's the thing no big one can go further with a little one bounces out so it kind of ejects a smaller one at your face and makes your face a hole in the cosmos hole in the cosmos murderer either have you been on Doctor Who? No. Seems like the type of thing you might get a gig doing. I've never been asked. They won't have me.

They don't return my emails. Don't you have to audition? Don't they say, here's, we've got a character called Alan, and he runs the nuclear website page that the aliens take over. What's the aliens take over

a nuclear plant's social media? The Russell T. Davis episodes were always like, oh, here's an app or a computer system. The aliens have taken it over. It's like, that was what the Archangel system

was in Series 3. And you're suggesting that would be the part I would go up for? The social media manager? Yeah, who gets possessed by the tiddlywinks. Oh, you look troubled.

Two pounds. Oh, he's saying two pounds for this. Oh, you look troubled. Two pound. Oh, he's saying two pound for this. Oh, okay. That's just a guide guess because we're going to have a little... Mate, you missed something here. What? Mate, look at the main thing here.

Look what it says. On the nose. On the nose. It's got a guy with a big red nose as well. And it says on the nose. Aha. Aha. I'm just going to say one pound for this.

I'm just going to say it's one pound. I think you might be right. Anyway. I don't know. We just don't know. That's two down, three to go. Here we go. The stakes are still hotting up.

Yes. I'm hoping for at least one per twing as always. So I've wrapped this one up. Here we go. Oh, now that's a proper piece of literally and figuratively shit. This is a poo-poo emoji mug. It's great. And Eli looks so happy to be holding it. It's a proper piece of literally and figuratively shit this is a poo poo emoji mug it's great and eli looks so happy to be holding it it's a patrick stewart mug i think you'll find oh it is because patrick stewart played the voice of the poo emoji in the emoji movie

once and for all cementing his acting status this is his legacy yeah you'd do it wouldn't you no i probably wouldn't yes you know if you were being paid DreamWorks money, you would. You would. You would. No. You coward. I would. You'd represent an oat drink.

Come on, we'd all do it. I'd represent an oat drink. What does that mean? I would do the voice of an oat drink. Yes, you would. What does that mean? I'm just saying. Where's an oat drink's mouth?

Voiceover work is good work. Yes, it is. Yeah. And you would voice a shit for money. You basically do weekly. I don't think any the less of Patrick Stewart for voicing the poo emoji. No, I don't either. He seems to be having fun in his old age, doesn't he? He's playing Picard again.

And, you know, that was disappointing. Yeah. I don't like this item, Ethan. I really don't. And it's probably a bit of a cunt to drink from although it's have a look well the one thing that i noticed when i got it is that it has an uneven lip because they've put like a quiff on it yeah put a quiff on the poo the little peak of the dog's turd like this is not a good mug and also you drink it and it's like oh my eye

poke your eye there's all sorts of structural. The tip of the shit's in my eye. I wonder even if it was even designed to be used as a mug rather than just a piece of objet d'art. Well, this is the thing. I've got that Cadbury's chocolate block mug. You know, the one you see in the outlet and it's like shaped in a block. But the top is still circular, but the cup is square. So you can drink from it. But it means that when you tip the cup, it spreads evenly across the square and then this kind of pours out the hole so you can't drink from that really either

not without some difficulty now do you think like we're sort of like branded items like this do you think it's a like you know they're not designed to actually be mugs they're just just no that one isn't that one isn't it obviously they can't imagine there's a payoff between uh uh practical drinking ability and uh, I guess. What happens is you get given... They come down on the design side, haven't they? Yeah. Well, this is the thing you get given as a Secret Santa present in your office party.

Then it goes on your desk and it ends up being full of pens you never use. Yeah. That's it in a nutshell. No, it'd be good for pens. Yeah. And, you know, it's nicely made for what it is. I suppose. And it's by a company called Fizz.

Fizz? Is that what came out of that fish? Mate, do you know I was telling you I had a bit of a dicky tummy last night? Yeah. I went home. Came out like soft serve. Yeah, I think you were talking about this. Hot, soft serve.

You were talking about that. In your dream. No, before, last night when we were waiting for the show to start. Yeah. And that kind of informed the consistency of your penis in my dream, think because it was foamy soft soft servey you're calling my penis a soft serve roll of shit great yeah today is a sunday i will i will show you i don't want to see i will show you right now i can differentiate between my dreams and reality i know you've got perfectly good set of things.

Tell me more. What's it look like? I don't know. I'm sure it's fine. It's proud. I'm sure it's fine and not at all weird and foamy and dreamlike. No, it's robust. Can we please?

Firm. I need a price from you. Astute. I have an astute penis. We both need a price from you for the emoji poo emoji mug. Am I going first this time? Yes, I am. Ah, I am. Ah.

I want to say a quid again. Are all the prices like different? Tell you what, since you asked, I'll give you this. Yeah. Two of them are the same price.

I was going to try and keep that bubbling under the surface. That's fine. That's a nice little clue. Nice little clue. I'm going to go with a quid then for this. Because when you see a row of mugs on a shelf...

They're always a quid. Always, always a quid. You just want to get rid of them. They're always a quid, aren't they? Always a quid, Paul. Maybe it's 75p. They're always a quid. They're always a quid.

What are you saying for this, then? Are you saying a quid or 75p? I'm going to say a quid. See, Paul, you speak so eloquently about the pricing of mugs in charity shops in general just now. Yeah. You've totally sold me. I want to set a quid. And I'm so certain.

Well, you can still. That the price, the identical price is a quid. I feel it is. And I feel that's what you thought. And I feel like if I just follow you, I'm torn. You're right, mate. You're right. Yeah.

What's going on? That was really dramatic. I'm okay. You should have been on Doctor Who or something. Yeah. What's going on? That was really dramatic. I'm okay. You should have been on Doctor Who or something. Yeah, thank you. No, I should. I shouldn't be doing bloody self-tape for pizza companies.

Dance authentically and charmingly. Oh, no. But you never know. One day you get a phone call. I'll just turn on that authentic charm I've got then, shall I? It could be a week from now. You get a phone call. Hi, Eli. Yes, right.

Just so you know, that advert self-tape you did wasn't for a pizza. It was actually for Doctor Who, and they want you to be the 14th Doctor. I would turn it down. You would turn down being Doctor Who. No, I never would. No, I never would. You'd be a great Doctor Who, actually, I think. Thanks, Paul.

That's nice of you to say. I actually think you'd be a really interesting Doctor Who. Thank you. You'd have a kind of cross between kind of the second and Capaldi, grumpy but mischievous. Yeah, I'd like to get some of that Tom Baker energy in if I could. Hard to, but you'd want to give it some of that, wouldn't you? He did.

He did. He gave it some during his tenure. Have you seen The Mutants with him in? It's a 60s sort of horror sci-fi. A film or a TV show? A film. No, I've never heard of it. Yeah, its sort of horror sci-fi. A film or a TV show? A film. No, I've never heard of it. Yeah, it's like a horror sci-fi

and he's the leader of a sort of circus that's down by the Thames. Right. So it's almost like a freak show sort of, like they're sort of misfit circus people.

Period or contemporary from when the film was made? Contemporary for the late 60s when it was made. Oh, so it's got a kind of grim London vibe going on. Yeah, it's fantastic. There's a main character

called Tony Croydon and it's just like... Tony Croydon! That's a main character called Tony Croydon and it's just like... Tony Croydon! That's a great name. He's like a student but he's like 30. You know what I mean? He's like Tony Croydon

and he's just fucking brilliant. That's it. I was totally sold on the film when I heard that guy's name. I'll have to check it out. I've never heard of it before. No, it's Tom Baker. Is he the baddie in it then?

Yeah, he's sort of like the leader of... sort of mad scientist thing. Like a freak show? Yeah. He has to see me. He goes, like that.

He goes, he goes, freaks out. For those who can't see. It's proper hardcore Tom Baker. Eli was throwing his arms and limbs about willy nilly.

It's quite impressive. Is this your self-take we're doing right now? It's very authentic and charming. Yes, authentically charming. Right, item number... I still need a price from you, Eli.

You're going with the pooh. I'll go 75. 75p. 75p. He's gone that route. I would have gone with 75p too if the... Well, also we have the knowledge now, Paul, of the identical price.

Yes, that's true. But it all depends on what the last two items is. Please present the fourth. You've just handed me the fourth item, which is a stainless steel hip flask. Mint on card. Stop saying mint on card. It's lost all meaning. I'll never stop.

But do you know what mint on card means, though? Yes, I do. It's been in the comics. Mint on card. And action figures and shit. It doesn't mean anything that comes in a fucking box. Oh, this is lovely. This is nice and plain. I like this. I presume it's stainless steel.

I don't like it when it's got Elvis on or something. Or like World's Best Dad. Oh, that's the worst. Why would you get the World's Best Dad? An alcoholic hip flask. Yeah, I know. For work, Dad. Yeah, yeah.

World's Best Dad, as long as I've had three of these. Yeah. World's Least Viol, Dad. Yeah, yeah. World's best dad, as long as I've had three of these. World's least violent dad. Yeah, no, this is nice. Nice thing. It's metal. Yeah. I'm going to put it back in the box.

And then hand it to me so I can investigate it. Shove it across the table to you. Shove it. Shove it across the table to you. Shove, shove, shove, shove, shove. Oh, shove it across the table to you. God, that took three shoves in the end. It was a lot harder because my body refused to move.

It's so tired. I want to have a look. Nice little box. Now, I have to guess the price of this. I'm going to get it out because I want to see the quality of the insides. Fair enough, I think. I was actually, I was surprised that it came out plain. Like you were saying with the embossing stuff,

I was genuinely surprised that it's just a plain hip flask. Yeah, I think they have those in key cutting shops. They'll have them and they'll engrave on them for you and stuff, won't they? So I could get a cheap show engraving on this. You could, if you wanted to. Oh, I might do that. It's not engraven, though. It's engraved.

The word is engraved. Is it embossed? Or embossed, yes. Is it engraved and embossed? Etched? You said engraven. Is it etched? Engraven is like one of those. Is it et word is engraved. Is it embossed? Or embossed, yes. Is it engraved and embossed? Etched? You said engraven. Is it etched? Engraven is like one of those.

Is it etched? Could be etched. John Craven. Is it John Craven? Engraven, it sounds like, I am the wizard engraven. Oh, take me to your hip flask. That's actually quite nice. It's got a nice little screw top, a little latch so the lid doesn't fall off and get lost.

A bit of action to it. Isn't this all right, isn't it? And it holds enough to get wasted at a music festival. Absolutely. Very good. And if you ever get shot at, it might protect you from death. Yeah, like a Bible. Yeah, fly right off. Because I've seen that in the movies, so it must be scientifically

accurate. Actually, I saw Mythbusters where they tested that theory, and the answer was, depends on the bullet in the gun. Yes, of course. I mean, that would make sense, right? Because that's not going to stop, for example, an AK-47. Or a Magnum. Or a Magnum. Probably, it would definitely stop a.22.

Yeah, for what we're talking about. No, because I read a lot of crime books. Oh, okay. The.22 is the assassin's favourite, because you can put it straight up against someone's head, it doesn't make a loud noise, and it's so weak, it doesn't go out the other side. It just rattles around the other side.

Yeah, so you really dead someone with those things. Here's my question then. You know in the books when they say it's a snub nose whatever, what does snub nose mean? It's a shortened barrel on the gun. And what does that,

what's the point of that? It's, you get less accuracy but more punch. So that's why you put it against someone's head. Which is like a sawn off shotgun. Yeah, I think it reduces

the friction of the bullet as it comes out because it's got to travel down less of a chinwn off shotgun I think it reduces the friction of the bullet as it comes out so it'll come out faster but it won't be as aimed I've got to get my gun out get your foamy gun out I'm going to get my foamy snub gun out put it next to the rancid bacon

yes right you're going first for this one oh I'm going to I think this is quite a nice thing I'm going to go £'re going first for this one. Oh, I'm going to... I think this is quite a nice thing. I'm going to go £2.50 for this. Right, okay. My highest price so far. I think, you know, it's new.

It's a metal item. £2.50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants to follow me. But we've only got one more item that needs to be identical to one of the other prices we've got. Yeah, he said no more than seven.

Doesn't mean it's seven on the nose, though. You know what I mean? I spent £7. Oh! Now that's going to put... It's put the cat amongst the pigeons. It certainly has. The cat amongst the petwingdians.

Edit points. Just try that. Try again. Cat amongst the petwingdians. Thanks. Just so you know, Paul, before you give this answer, you have already got two identical prices. So that's something maybe to bear in mind. Grumble, grumble. What two prices has he said?

So far, he's got the tiddlywinks and the poop mug at £1. I'm going to say two quid for that then, for the flask. He's a good player of the game, you know, Ethan. Yeah, but I never actually win it. You do, always. You always beat me. No, what happens is i either completely wipe the floor with you or i completely get trounced full stop across the board and so it's it's peaks and troughs it's never a kind of even balance of accuracy i mean we haven't officially worked out who's leading but i'd say paul is

definitely leading i'm certain there must be someone in your fan base that's tabulated all this. There might be a wiki page for it. Is that you? Do you have no life? Get in touch and find out how many times I've won compared to Eli. And if the answer's Eli, don't get in touch.

Exactly. You don't want to know the truth. This would be interesting though. Lifetime Petwings. Yeah. Oh. That goes back before the Petwing. Oh, mate.

Do we retroactively award for twings. No, it only becomes the between on the birth of the between, which was episode, insert episode number here. We don't fucking know. If Emma will know. Yeah, no, I've done even that. I bet it wasn't even a between. I bet I went, I said something else for the first two.

It's like, you know. A bomb bowl. Like Homer Simpson looks bloody weird in the first two episodes. Yeah. Doesn't he? I don't think betwings came into it until reasonably recently. I would say a year or two ago. Two years ago. Because what before the between times, Eli? How until reasonably recently. I would say a year or two ago. Two years ago.

Because what before the Petwing times, Eli? How did we score things? We just had points. It was a lawless wasteland. It was a lawless fucking wasteland. All right. Okay. So you've said a price.

I've said a price. It's the fifth item. Yeah. Last item. Right. Here we go. Oh, what's this? I don't know what it is.

What is it, Eli? Looking at a small wooden man. No, read it properly. Small, a wooded man. Wooden man. A wooded man. Small, a wooden man. A smaller wooden man.

Is that all it is then? A small wooden man? No, he's called small. A wooden man. I'm very confused. On the side it says, feel the happiness of life. Please feel the happiness of life. The back is excellent.

I really must insist. Right, read it. I'm Mike, like a professional who's been doing a podcast for six years and still can't figure that out. You're killing the vibe. There was a vibe. You've trampled it out of me now. Right.

You've lost interest in the game. That's fine. He's doing a fake walkout. I shot. Now he's doing a double. A fake fake walkout Unbelievable I shot, I shot Now he's doing a double A fake fake walkout I'm doing a walk in I'm going to do a walk in

Here we go Here we go Oh I'm walking in Where have you been Paul I had to walk out to walk in These Sorry, the complete set of products include the life of the wooden magic effect description.

The small wooden man cannot be broken to kill the cute, cute little wood. What the fuck is going on? This is an interesting and unique magic trick combined with traditional Japanese toys. Oh, I think I've seen this. It acts as if the audience are watching cartoons. Is it? Yeah. This sounds like a cut scene from Shinobi. Even if it were knocked

out down and collapsed, it would magically return to its original state. It's a magic trick. I genuinely could not tell you. It's some kind of weird magic trick that involves I think it's like elastic bands it's just on a spring it's just a bunch

of something like that it's just connected things on a spring I just I need to walk through my feelings when I saw this first I saw the

phrase small a wooden man and I was like this is perfect and I picked it up and read the back and I was like this is it

this is the mother load this is the this is the something poorly translated from Japanese I think. I like the first sentence. Go on.

The complete set of products include the life of the wooden magic effect description. The life of the wooden magic effect description. You know, you know. All your bases belong to us. It's a man. It's a little man, the wooden. Can you pass me the box?

It's a smaller wooden man. Now, what do you do? Because it's got this internal rod. There's a bunch of bases belong to us. It's a man. It's a little man, the wooden. Can you pass me the box? It's a smaller wooden man. Now, what do you do? Because it's got this internal rod. There's instructions in the box. There's another thing inside that you forgot. I've dropped the bit. Oh, God. It's a bit.

It's another bit. Oh, fuck. I just crushed my ball. I mashed them good. Just for the audience at home, Paul is waving his arms by his side like he did. He's a fisherman. It's this bit.

I think it maybe is just a piece for the bottom. Oh, mate, I can't read this for two reasons. One, it's small, and two, it's... Oh, no, it is in English. Fuck me. Do you want me to do it? Performance. The hook-handed beast of ear.

Now, that can't be right. I'll let you have a go. It's like tiny writing. I've got childish eyes. Childish eyes? Oh, there's another little thing. So it says, you will receive a set of living puppet toys, 2.5 spare hidden wires, a hook and a rubber plug. Yeah.

Performance, the hook hooked on the ear. The body leans forward or raises its head to control the hole at the puppet stand upright rise or fall or fall right this is not helping us at all flow one jumping puppets take out the wooden hammer the whole set of puppets stand upright on the table as shown in the figure the hammer hits the bottom block while raising its head slightly recurrent a b c b a the hammer can't hit the block. It looks like the puppet can jump. Oh! I don't know. Sounds good. It sounds good.

Can we have some instructions? Flow two. Living puppet, tilt forward slightly. Pick up the whole set of blocks and hammer away at the bottom. The head was slightly picked up and the piece of wood that had been removed came back. Complete set. Stop again. I have got up.

This is the living puppet. I am asleep right now. It almost sounded like badly translated porn. This is... Because I hadn't opened it to look and I hadn't seen the instructions. I don't know how that all works because even with you describing that...

There's an invisible string here. Which you must thread... What should I add to? This is the thing. It must be threaded through the body in some way. And then when you... No, I don't know. Maybe you thread it through the bottom of the hammer maybe and then it lifts up and he kind of separates but still looks whole maybe like it's floating because the bottom black piece i sent

i gave to you has a little hole in it for the string i think so it must this is a yeah i see that now it's very complicated now these are quite expensive when i've seen them in charity shops you know weirdly i saw them in two separate charity shops you've seen this item the exact same thing one in Twickenham and one in Muswell Hill and they were both

like 6-7 quid there where do you think these came from they sound like a sort of a wish or you know a wish.com kind of item there's a lot of

I think it's Japanese kanji on the instruction so I'm guessing it's Japanese but it says it mentions it's a Japanese toy but it's made it's Japanese kanji on the instruction. So I'm guessing it's Japanese. But it says it mentions it's a Japanese toy, but it's made in China. Yeah, it says it's made

in China here. It might be Chinese. I'm not sure. I can't read either. You know what I think it is? I think it's a version of a Japanese magic trick or toy. It must be. There's some puppets of some kind. Really small diagrams that really don't look that helpful, I'll be honest with you. It's very difficult to know what to do with the string and stuff

from those instructions I couldn't fathom it there might be a YouTube tutorial that'll teach us quite a nice piece go online and search small a wooden man

tutorial and then get arrested half an hour later small a wooden man oh Eli turned off oh shut up what am I wooden yes I'm rock hard

when I've got a big proper stiffy this is the living puppet do you want that to be an edit point yes tough i want you on record saying the word stiffy which i've never heard you say before say it again if you like yeah say it oh i've got a stiffy i don't really everybody because it's professional you know of course right so can i just make it clear when i woke up the dream, I didn't have a stiffy either. It wasn't one of those kind of dreams. No, you'd already ejaculated by that point.

Right. I'm going to say that was £1.50. Okay. Now, I know I might be going over with this, but I've decided I'm not going to change my prices because A, I can't fathom where I'd move them up and down to, and B, if I start meddling with one, it'll make me think all the others through.

That's difficult. Could I just get a rundown of my own prices until now? So far, you've put the Tiddlywinks at £2. You've put the Travel Alarm Clock at £1.75. You've put the Poop Mug at £75. And you've put the Hip Flask at £2.50. So, I mean, as I say, do you want to change some prices or just lock into one and hope you get some right?

That's what I'm doing. Do you want me to redo yours just so you know? Nah. You're just going to go blind. I've already said 150. I'm going to stick with it because either... Now, I need to get one of those prices the same. Yes.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Nice little wrinkle. I'm ready to redraw this. I think I want to make this £1.75 as well. Okay. And what did I say for the Tiddlywinks? You said the Tiddlywinks were £2.

I'd like to make those £1. Okay. Didn't we have a lovely time of day? Can we go from item one, which was the travel alarm clock? Yep. So item one travel alarm clock was £1.75. You got the Tiddlywinks for £1. You got the poop mug for £75p.

You've got the hip flask for £2.50. And the small wooden man for £1.75. You've got the Tiddly Winks for £1. You've got the Poop mug for £75p. You've got the Hit Flask for £2.50 and the Small or Wooden Man for £1.75. You happy with that? I'm happy with that. Alright, I'm going to lock mine in then as well, so I'm happy with mine, no matter where this ends. Eli, what a fantastic selection. Round of applause, please, for Ethan for a great bundle of joy.

Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it. Lovely haul. It's a textbook. It's a textbook price of shite. Yes. A nice range of items from the useless to the sublime. What's the sublime? The flask is nice. Pool cup.

Yeah, the pool. Pool cup. Pool cup. I'm going to go home and make a hot chocolate in this and then... Smear it on your face. Good. Right. So, okay. It's time to reveal the Petwings

Okay Right, okay I'm nervous So, I will give the price and then the item Because obviously we're doing this in ascending order Yes So, at 50p Right

Oh, neither of us said 50p I'm hoping, my only chance of a Petwing is if the mug is 75 What's the tiddlywinks? 50p fair enough a quid didn't I what did I say you also said a quid oh okay

so no betwings there unfortunately no betwings this could be an embarrassment Eli it certainly could we could

I mean we could both blank out I don't think that's ever happened in that case we have to delete this whole segment what a shame

yeah sorry everyone this episode's half an hour shorter than it usually is because we don't like losing delete this whole segment. What a shame. Sorry, everyone. This episode's half an hour shorter than it usually is because we don't like losing. No, I think we should go out. All right, go for it. Next. At £1. £1. The travel alarm clock. Eli, you said £1.75

and Paul, you said £2. Oh, shit. You know what we forgot? We forgot the boondocks. The boondocks effect, mate. You forgot the Goonies every time. Never, never bet against a Goonie. Is that what they say in the film? Goonies never say die.

Is that what they say? I don't know, mate. Good enough for you. Why do you like that film so much? It's a mess, that film. No, Goonies is fine. I prefer Monster Squad. I think it's the better of the young kids

against the supernatural adventure. I've never seen Monster Squad. Have you? No. I'd like to. But then I'm very young,

so. Have you seen Citizen Kane? No. But then I'm very young. Have you seen Godfather? Yeah, but. Have you seen Shining?

I've seen The Shining, yeah. Oh, well, you've seen that then. I'm Paul. Have you seen Shining? I've seen The Shining, yeah. Oh, well, you've seen that then. I'm Paul. Have you seen First Contact? Star Trek 7? Oh, he always goes back to Star Trek.

Have you seen? Star Trek, it's 9, isn't it? This is his new obsession. It is. I don't know why I've got Star Trek on my mind. Have you been watching it recently? Yeah, quite a bit. My new regime is...

Doing the ironing and watching star trek because i can't watch movies i get bored halfway through so if i iron at the same time i'm busy and it keeps me you know what i mean yeah so i've been watching a lot of films you prefer a sort of distracted viewing yeah i've got i think it's part of the modern malaise man because you know i can watch like youtube videos for two hours straight but like i can't watch a two-hour film that i want to see. Yeah. And I still go, do you know what I mean? It's too much,

commitment. Focus. Yeah. Yeah. But, and you've, you've sort of, hacked that system in your brain by saying,

no, I'm not watching the film. I'm doing ironing. Do you see what I mean? But the ironing is there, yeah, yeah. You know,

as a way to justify me spending two hours doing that. That I watch a lot. It's a good technique. I should think about it. You should. You get films seen, don't you? Yeah, I've watched Doctor Pussy, Elvirus, Mystery of the Dark. I've watched Mission Impossible, Fallout again. Highly recommended.

You watched The Raid 1 and 2 again. I did, yeah. I had to break two over into two ironing sessions. It's not as good too, but it's still got some fantastic set pieces. The last fight in that is just mind-blowing. That fight at the beginning

in the car, that's like one of the best fights in a car I've ever seen. Anyway, join us next time for Movie Review on Cheap Show, where I'll be telling you what I've been ironing as well as what I've been watching.

Anyway, sorry, go on. Yeah, so next, at £1.50. £1.50. Neither of us said £1.50 for anything. I did. The poop mug.

Oh, I said a quid. Yeah. And Eli, you said 75p. I think it is very much overpriced. Doesn't that get you a per twing? No. I said £1.50, I'm 75p out. Oh, shit.

I'm so sorry about this, guys. We didn't get any fucking per twings, mate. This is actually happening. It was a nightmare. It was just a glimpse. I just had a glimpse of a nightmare at the beginning of when he started reading the prizes out. I didn't think it was actually going to happen.

It's going to happen right now. It's happening. Get ready. Donut. Double donut Sunday. That's what this will be called. Double donut gold dance Sunday.

I'm doing me gold dance. That's not going to get you the betwings, mate. It might get me a betwing. It might frighten the betwings over to me. He's gone superstitious, everyone. Yeah.

Grrr. Oh, it's got a noise now. Only an hour in and it's got a noise. It's the betwingle! That's my new character, right here. Caw-caw! I'm the betwingle! I give you betwings! I see.

He shits out betwings. He does a shit on the docks, Paul. Very good. Woo! Caught up! Wow. There he goes. Coffee flat.

Yeah. Thank fuck for that. Oh, he's stolen a hot dog out of someone's hand. The bastard. Good. Now you're building the character now, kids. Right. At £1.50.

Oh, God. I'll see you next week. He's not done. Sorry. Paul, you finish. No, I'm done. No, finish up, mate. Go on.

No, no, no. You're okay. He's not done. Sorry. Paul, you finish. No, finish up, mate. Go on. No, no, no. You're okay. Go on. Very much finished. Sorry, Paul looks sad. What a fucking twat you are. Fuck off. At £1.50.

Yeah. That was the price. I said £1.75. Right. So, yeah. Was the smaller wooden man. So, that is a petwing for Eli. Oh, yes!

Two petwings for Paul Gannon. Fuck off. Whoa! The petwings for Paul Gannon fuck off whoa the petwings all came at once fuck off fuck off fuck he's back he's flying over

Eli now just the one for me thanks to Gavall fuck off so he'll always come back when there are petwings he won't

will he really yay I was at the birth of a character I feel so blessed I'm not sure about this Paul I'm such a big fan of the show I want to be a seagull yeah well I am now

right okay and finally well finally there's no contentiousness here it's the hip flask and how much was that so Paul yeah you said £2 I did Eli £2.50 Consentiousness here It's the hip flask Yes And how much was that? So Paul Yeah You said two pounds I did

Eli I said Two pound fifty Yes It's two pound fifty Oh A twink per twink Oh my god

We're in the fucking gold back Coco Coco Making me the winner Just for clarification That is three per twinks to Eli And two per twings to Paul. I'm not completely disappointed because I thought we were going to go home bare naked.

I did as well. I'm glad you got some Petwings. It was such a rough start, but it was my word. And two on the nose as well. You both got one on the nose, which is great. It's the vibe. It's the energy. Yeah, I felt the energy of this.

Yes. Thank you, Petwingle. Let's thank the guests And not your stupid Fucking character Thank you Ethan For a wonderful Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful

Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful Would you like me to Award some Petwings? No that's all Do you want to do it again?

Yeah Yes Your stupid gull Is not official It is It's a shit I make this show I'll determine

What's fucking official How is it It's a shit A Petwing A Pet'll determine What's fucking official How is it It's a shit A petwing A petwing is a metaphor Of what's right That's right The comedy world

Froze in astonishment When you came up with Fucking Larry Inchman And I let that pass So you fucking behave If I were to bring in A fucking pigeon Or a seagull

Or any fucking Flying comedy animal at all I'll fucking do it On my show Do you want the petwings Or not I'm sorry I'm just sort of I'm sat here You stay out of this on my show. Do you want the betwings or not? I'm sorry. I'm just sort of, I'm sat here. You stay out of this.

I'm just asking if you wanted the betwings. I'm just asking if you wanted the betwings. We do. I want them. We do, Ethan. We really do want the betwings. I just have to respond quickly to this. Go, go, go.

Paul. Yeah. I'm not objecting to the character. Simply, I'm saying it's not law that the anus of this imaginary gull produces a betwing. A betwing is not a material object. That's all I'm saying it's not law that the that the anus of this imaginary gull produces a betwing a betwing is not a material object

that's all I'm saying I love the character love it bring it back you can take a shit every time a betwing is awarded but the shits on themselves

are not betwings it does not some kind of I never said no I never said they were connected I just said one was respectful

of the betwing itself they correlate but are not identical. It's like a tribute. I don't know why I did wanking motion then. Ethan, please award the official betwings for this game. Paul? Yes.

Betwing. Betwing. Nicely delivered. Eli? Betwing. Betwing. Betwing. Thank you.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Lovely. Thanks very much. It's time to go to one of our wonderful sound effects. Great. So now you're just being obvious that you're just throwing in nursery rhymes to your jingle making capabilities. That's always how the song's gone, Paul. Is it?

Yes. Yeah. Do you want in it again? Thank you. Don't get involved. No, you listen back. You're a guest. You don't have any political say. I'm a guest and a fan? Thank you. Don't get involved. No, you listen back. You're a guest. You don't have any political say.

I'm a guest and a fan. I'm a guest and a fan. And you keep putting Eli down about this, and I'm not happy about it. That's our relationship. He's probably the first guest who's a legit celebrity and a fan of the show. That's true.

So, like, come on. So, gang on game. You just said gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. Gang on game. He just said a game. Game, game, game. Game, game, game. Game, game, game. Game, game, game. Game, game, game.

Game, game, game. Game, game, game. And that's why we don't have fans of the show on the podcast. All right? Now, what is the

Gannons Golden Game we'll be playing today, Paul? Today, we are playing a game I found in British Heart Foundation. And it is,

it's one of those games, you know, like, board games have kind of had a renaissance recently but they're kind of more gimmicky they're all kind of based on pub conversations

or you know pub knowledge and there's a little bit of a twist so you get high end games that are made with a kind of bespoke kind of classiness but the games themselves

are kind of what's a silly thing you can think of that's a bit rude lots of things written on cards yeah well Cards Against Humanity is kind of it started a a silly thing you can think of? That's a bit rude. Lots of things written on cards. Well, Cards Against Humanity is kind of... It started a whole trend, didn't it? Yeah.

This is one of those games, but actually it's kind of simple and a little bit fun. It's called What Came First? Pick a side, place your bets. It's that one gimmick. You just have to get to a binary opposition and you just pick which one came first. Yeah.

So what makes this interesting is that it's a board game and there are loads of little things on the board game about going around the board and how you do it and picking up cards. And for the sake of this, what we're doing now, we're not going to bother with it. I thought we'd just do the thing where you place your bets, right? And after so many questions, we'll see who's got the most points.

I'm starting to get over on that about you. Shut up! What? Paul, can I just say, I just want to ask, none of these are famous scenes from animal porn movies. What came first? The chicken? The dog?

Or the human actor? Answer the question, Paul. No, I will not answer that question because it's going to get cut out of the episode. Come on. Now, please explain the rules we'll be playing this game by. There's a board of some sort, and I see there are...

Poker chip type things. Poker chip things. Little half-sized poker chips. If you were playing the game for real with moving around the board, what would happen is this. You get a binary question, right? Two-pronged question.

The top card, we'll use an example so everyone can see it right now. So at the top it says paracetamol or aspirin, right? You look at it and then you have chips. Three chips per person, right? And you can bet up to three on whether you think paracetamol or aspirin came first. So you say how sure you are that you're right, basically.

Yeah, but there's also a thing that says year, and if you put your chip on the year tab, you have to guess the year it came out. So if you know the exact year. And you get a bonus point. Nice. Now, they would translate to moves around the board. In this case, would it be possible for you

to just keep a note of the points as they come? Yeah, I've got a note. I'm not going to play this because I'm going to be quiz master, but it will be Ethan versus Eli on this. Okay. So, what chip colour would you like, Eli? Black, orange, pink or yellow? I'll go for orange, please.

Right, so that's three orange for you. Okay, so they're just different colours because real poker chips are different colours to have different money denomination. They're just, that's your character colour. I see. So all the chips are equal in terms of they're all worth one point, essentially. Yeah, essentially.

So black, pink or yellow. I think in honour of the travel alarm clock, I'm going to go with hot pink. Yes, very similar. Fuchsia colour. All right, there we go. Thank you very much. So you need to put these on the board, but we just won't bother. Can we say how many chips we're betting?

Yes. And we can say whether we would like to place... On the year or not. But we put all the chips we bet for that round on the year or not? No, just one chip to represent the fact that you want it. What if I want to bet three and I also want to guess the year? Then I've only got two left over and I've only got one on the year. No, what will happen is if you're betting three but one of them's on the year,

you're going to get three points and a bonus fourth for getting the year right. Thanks. However, if you don't get the year right, no points at all. And this might sound like a stupid question. We don't lose these chips. No, no, no. They're just recycled every round. So we have a point tally every round.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. You see what I'm saying? Every round you'll bet a maximum of up to three chips. But if you risk and gamble on the year, but you lose, you get no points at all, even if you're correct. Even if you're correct on the binary question. So if you're correct, but you gambled on the year, but you lose, you get no points at all, even if you're correct. Even if you're correct on the binary question. Yeah.

So if you're correct, but you gambled on the year and it's wrong, you get no points. I see. All right. So it's risky to go for the year. I'll tell you what, though. Just to get a bonus one point and seems... You'd have to be sure, wouldn't you? Because you wouldn't want to risk it otherwise.

If you knew that Paracetamol was 1938 or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we make it more interesting by doubling the bet? Yeah. So if you get the year, you double the double points. Yeah. Instead of a bonus one, you double your points. Yeah. So if you put one down in the year, then you get two points. I'm liking this. You know why?

I'm all about that crazy action. Pump up the action, baby. Double that action. And just like that, you've ruined it for me. It's like an assassin. A fun assassin. I'm all for that crazy action. Don just like that you've ruined it for me no it's like an assassin a fun assassin I'm all for that crazy action don't like that

so out of interest prior to the top card does anyone want to just for fun to break in Eli Parasita Molo Aspirin

what came first it was Aspirin because that was discovered by the Romans I think it was the birch bark that they got Aspirin from and would you agree

it was actually discovered by the Romans it was the birch bark so yeah I aspirin from. And would you agree? It was actually discovered by the Romans. It was the birch bark. So yeah, I'm going to go with aspirin, actually. So what did you say? Aspirin. Yeah, I said aspirin. And what did you say? I said aspirin.

The answer is paracetamol. No way! Paracetamol was first made in 1877. People only began popping aspirin in 1899. Research claims that it helped prevent heat disease, heart disease, strokes and cancer. Right? You said that so confidently.

I know. I believe you. I've got a real knack for that. It's how I give myself for twings in other games. No, I do think that they did used to use something that was

then later synthesized for aspirin, but obviously after paracetamol was. So that was your lead in. Now we're going to play the game for real. So let's play the game.

For real. What came first? Here we're going to play the game for real. So let's play the game for real. What came first? Here we go. Can I just say? No. No, I think it might be a good idea if we both say what we think at the same time so that we don't get a leading. Well, no, because you might be more...

No, you're just going to... Because you might not know. I'm really sad because Eli led me down a path. I feel like I'm going to be... That's how I'm playing. I'm devious. I'm all about that action. That's how I'm playing. I'm devious. I'm all about that action. Because it's 50-50.

I'm devious. Let's pump it up. Trip all the yards. I'm all about that action. I hate this. Love those chips. I absolutely hate this. When I feel the clinkle clinkle of the chippies in my hand,

gotta gamble, gamble, gamble. Happy on games. Happy thing. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. No, I think because it's 50-50 and you don't know for sure, I think it doesn't matter who goes first, but we'll rotate it, okay? So you say what your answer is and how many you want to bet, and then we'll move on from there, all right?

Okay. Okay, so here's the next one. Eli, you'll be getting this one. What came first, laser tag or paintball? Laser tag or paintball? I'm going to go one. Z zappy zappy or splatty splatty one chip one chip on what put it forward on the desk so i can see it there we go one chip on what laser quest being first laser quest okay actually you know what give me your chips so i can

put them on the board and i can visualize it i don't think just give me all of them because i yeah i know i'll tell you what you can have these black ones to hold. Just to fiddle with. Do you want to fiddle with the yellow ones? Yeah, I want to pretend like I'm in Monte Carlo. I tell you what, you can use those to pimp. To fiddle with. To pimp. We can use these to pimp.

I don't know what I'm saying. How would we use these to pimp? We give these to the prostitutes who work for us? Yes. And we say this is a love token or something. It has no monetary value at all. Eli, you said one on what? Laser tag.

I'm not that confident, but I will bet one chip on laser tag. Right, okay. And what do you think? Because everything's screaming at me paintball, but I feel like this is... I feel like they wouldn't have done it unless it was a trick.

John, I'm going to put one on paintball just to make it interesting. Okay. One on paintball just to make it interesting. One on paintball. Okay, here we go. The answer. What came first, laser tag or paintball? The answer is paintball. In 1981, folk began running around the woods firing paint pellets at each other

dressed as Rambo. Laser tag lit us up in 1984. They were close. So that's a point for you i believe yep i've mottled it down behind already excellent all right next one uh ethan you can go first this time what came first electric guitars or chuck berry oh that's good isn't it when they say chuck berry i'm assuming his birth not like his break into the main yeah um like he didn't appear out of a vortex and then that void that you like so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The void. That's where my soul goes. I'm going to say two on Chuck Berry. Two on Chuck Berry. Eli, what came first, the electric guitar or Chuck Berry? How many do you want to bet? I'll bet three.

Three on what? Electric guitar. Three on electric guitar. Chuck Berry was born around 1920, and an electric guitar. I'll give you two more seconds. His birth. Chuck Berry's birth versus the birth of the electric guitar. See, it's quite sophisticated, this, isn't it?

It's quite devious. That's a devious question. It's not like what came first, the computer or the Ford ghost model car team. No, it's not easy like that. Now, I'm thinking because there was a guy called Charlie Christian who used to play for Benny Goodman. Right. And he's sort of known as the sort of proto-electric guitar player, jazz player, obviously.

Big band. Yeah. And he had a sort of semi-electrified guitar. I've had a semi-electric semi. Yeah. But then the actual guitar was developed by Fender and Les Paul. Yeah. Leo Fender and Les Paul

and I think that was what are you going to go for are you going to stick with electric guitar then you can actually share the same you don't have to go opposite if you don't want

if you both it's all about the points isn't it and he was how old he was almost 90 when he passed Chuck Berry and that was only about 2 years ago

wasn't it 3 years ago just 1 now yeah I'm going to go for my original answer. So three? I'll say three, yeah.

Three on that and two for Ethan. We might as well always go for three, might we? Can we put three on mine, please? Yeah? Yeah, might as well, might we? If we're in the win, aren't we? All right. Yeah.

Double points. Yeah, it's the power. It's all about that action. It's all about the action. What if I say that if you're wrong, you get those number of points taken off you if that you've been? Fine, fucking fine. Can you drop me down to two, please?

Right, here we go. So, who came first? Electric guitars or Chuck Berry? The answer is Chuck Berry. Mate. Mr. Rock and Roll

was born in 1926. The first electric guitar was invented in 1931 and was nicknamed the frying pan. Yeah. It was an ugly little thing. So, can you say

minus three for Eli? Minus four because he got the first one right. Oh yeah, thank you for adding that. I'm glad you're being vigilant. Right. And that's two points

for you, Ethan, if you made that. Yep, all good. I'm up to three. Which means you're up to three. It was close though, wasn't it? It was only a few years later.

Yeah, but that's the trick. It's still wrong though, Eli, it's a thing. Next. Next one, a bit more modern for you kids out there, you millennials. What came first, Indiegogo or Kickstarter?

Oh, I don't know really what that is. Who's first on this? You are. No, it's me. It is you, yeah. Now, Indiegogo is like Kickstarter, is it? They're practically the same thing for all intents and purposes, but yes. Now, Kickstarter somehow makes more sense as a name for something like that.

Yeah. Because it sort of describes what you're trying to do, whereas no one's ever tried to Indiegogo. No, but you've got to remember, we're living in a world of Googles and Yahoo's and nonsensical names for things. Yes, which means I think Indiegogo was probably first because the name for Kickstarter is much better.

Okay. Do you see what I mean? So the Kickstarter people came along and thought, actually, we could do something similar, but we could have a much more sort of intuitively graspable name. So are you going with?

So I think Indiegogo was the first. All right. How many chips are you going to put on? Oh, you're minus four, remember?

Do you want to risk with minus three? Yes, I need to go full hilt on all of this. one, two, three.

I'll bet the farm! On Indiegogo. All right. Yeah. So what do you say, Ethan? I think Eli's reasoning is sound. I find that difficult to argue. It sounds like the sort of thing where that was the first thing,

and then suddenly they were like, why didn't we call it Kickstarter? Of course, that's where you'd go to kickstart something. I'm going to put one on Indiegogo. Oh. Oh. He knows how to play the fucking game. He's playing the nuanced game.

This man's been to Reno. Right. Okay. So Indiegogo, kickstart. He's playing the nuanced game. This man's been to Reno. Right. Okay. So Indiegogo, Kickstarter. You both say Indiegogo. The answer is, oh,

it's Indiegogo. Hey. So that's one for you and plus three for Eli, taking him to minus one. Okay. So Indiegogo arrived in 2008 to support all our ridiculous ideas

from flying bicycles to pirate pancakes. Rum and raisin you could put in a pirate camp. What else ideas from flying bicycles to pirate pancakes. Rum and raisin you could put in a pirate camp. What else could you put in a pirate? Banana? Rum?

Like a crepe suzanne? Parrots! Parrots! What's the type of parrot you could eat? Like a chicken? You could potentially eat any parrot.

You could put a patwingo in it. Yeah. Patwingo. Kickstarter arrived a year later in 2009. Oh, they're very close. Very close. Very close together.

It makes the game hard, doesn't it? It makes it tricky, yeah. It's good, this. I like this. Next one is interesting. This is an interesting one. Here we go. What came first?

Ethan, you're going first on this one, right? Yep. He hasn't dropped a point, I'd just like to say. No, I know. He's been right on every single one. Ethan, what came first? Elon Musk or Iron Man? Right.

Okay, so... Oh, I know. What came first, Elon Musk or Iron Man? Right. Okay. So which stupid billionaire idiot who's into tech came first? Well, Iron Man grew out of the Red Scare. So I think he emerged sort of around the 60s. I don't know how old Elon Musk is because he's one of those impossible people that looks like he's been 35 for a million years. Yeah, he probably eats embryos daily. Yeah, probably, yeah. Like that. I'd like to distance myself

from the potentially legally actionable consequences of this podcast. He's got a lot of money to sue with. Billionaire sues cheap show podcast because we said he was a fetus eater. Do you remember he had that whole thing where he was calling that cave rescuer a pedo? And he doubled down on that.

He's petty. You'll hear us saying he's a boring you'll hear us saying he's a fucking useless twat who just nicks other people's ideas essentially and the only thing

he ever painted it on a Tesla or actually invented is the stupid charge point thing which is just a silly you know

it's just like an Apple charger or whatever it's just a thing to make money with it's just a design that's just unique because it makes you money

if it's unique. Do you know what I mean? We can all agree that Cheap Show and Ethan as a result of his being on the show fucking thinks

he's a horrible human being scumbag con man. And we stand by that. Okay. Allegedly. Allegedly. There, we're out of it now. Right.

Here's the thing. Iron Man was definitely the 60s. Yeah. I just cannot picture Elon Musk being born before the 1970s. So I'm going to put three on Musk. He's going to put three on Musk. Eli.

I don't know the answer to this. I would favor your logic. I think Musk is quite good. But Musk could be, I mean, I'm 46 now. So he could be in his early 50s, Musk. He could be 54, 55. He could be up to 10 years older than me yeah easily which would make him born in the 60s yeah so it's another close one isn't it you can

say i think it's going to be tight either way but i just i just there's something about it i just can't see him being before 1970 i just can't come on mate i think and you said you said musk did yeah you said musk was first i'll bet the farm on it yeah as he... And you said Musk, did you? Yeah. You said Musk was first. I'll bet the farm on it. He has. He's put all the farm. You said Musk was before Iron Man. He's put his money on Musk.

I've put the Musk on Musk being after Iron Man. Three on Musk. No, it's not on Musk. It's he's put it on Iron Man. I meant that Iron Man was before. Sorry. Sorry. I misspoke.

All right. Okay. So three on Iron Man. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, everyone. No, it's all right. We caught it early.

I hate it when things get ugly with points on this show. Iron Man is before Musk. I'll put two, and I'm going to go I have to go with my gut here, everybody. Yeah. And say Iron Man. Two on Iron Man. No. Musk. Two on Musk?

Yes. I think Musk was born before the publication of Iron Man number one, or whatever mag he appeared in. Okay, all right. So Eli says two on Musk. Ethan says three on Iron Man. The answer is... Iron Man.

Iron Man made his first ever appearance in Stan Lee's Tales of Suspense, number 39, in 1963. The real-life Tony Stark, fuck off, Elon Musk was born in 1971. So, you know, a good, what, eight years or so after? Something like that? What did I say? You said you put two on Elon Musk, so that's minus two

points for you, and that's plus three for you, Ethan. You're at a ten point deficit, I am. I'm a ten point, well, I mean, how many am I below zero? I'll tell you what. We're on five cards. We will do eight all together. And on the last round, we'll see how much big risk you want to take.

Double or nothing. All about that action. I'm all about the heavy action. Give me the heavy flow. The heavy flow action. What are you talking about? Not periods, that's for sure. Eli.

Spongy Dick Paul. Eli, please. It gives me the heavy action. Eli, please. Dream Spongy Dick Paul. What came first, Eli? Yes. Jet Li or Jackie Chan? Oh, my God.

Who came first, Jet Li or Jackie Chan? I don't know that film. Was that one of their early ones? Who came first, Jet Li or Jackie Chan? I don't know that film. Was that one of their early ones? Who came first? Sorry. I believe Jackie Chan is older. Does that mean I think he came first? Yes.

Yes. He arrived into the universe before Jet Li. I'll put three on Jackie Chan. Three. One, two, three. I'm going to match you pound for pound. Three on Chan. Yeah.

I think this one's got to be one of the more easy ones. Because he has been around forever. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Well done.

There's just a bit of extra texture to it. Yeah. Everyone loves the extra texture, Paul. We love texture. You don't add texture. I just like the phrase extra texture. I like how it sounds in my mouth. Extra texture.

The answer is Jackie Chan. Hell yeah. He's the holder of the Guinness World Records for most stunts by a living actor. Born 1954. 54. Jet Li, born Li Lianzhe, was born in 1963 and was later nicknamed Jet

because of how speedy he was on camera. And you said it was a full decade, didn't you? So that properly adds up. Yeah. It's definitely a decade that separates them. It's one generation, essentially. So what does that make it so far? Currently, didn't it? So that properly adds up. Yeah. It's definitely a decade that separates them. It's one generation, essentially. So what does that make it so far? Currently, I'm on 10

and Eli has dragged himself up to zero. Oh, that's all right then. Loving that zero. Loving that action. Absolutely neutral. Nothing. That's got nothing. Next one.

Battle of the Stevens here now. Oh, I thought you said Battle of the Steemans. Battle of the Stevens. Steemans. Battle of the Steemans. Steemans what? I don't know, something dirty. Right, who came first? Steemans, Steemans.

Who came first? Steemans. Stephen Hawking or Stephen King? Who was born first, Stephen Hawking or Stephen King? I'm first on this one, aren't I? You are. Yeah, okay,

right. Tough. Tough. King, he's one of those and he's another one who feels like he's been around for ever.

He started writing books in the 70s, didn't he? He was, I think it was 76, I think. Joe was one of his early ones, wasn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, I think that was mid-70s because they started making a lot of films out of it yeah it came out the off send of the 70s so yeah they would have been reasonably popular in the in the few years beforehand i think kujo was the first film adaptation am i right i think no i think it is is it carrie it might be carrie you know i'm not sure though i'm not sure we're not

going to because i think carrie was the one that kind of broke him into cinema because the film was a success then it led to you know the, The Shining and Christine and Cujo. It was Sissy Spacek, that, wasn't it? Carrie, yeah. Brian De Palma. It's really good. The original Carrie is really, really good. Pretty lovely.

Really disturbing film, which is what you need. In a good way. Yeah, it's horror. Yeah. It's proper horror, isn't it? Proper horror. Why remake that? Did they remake that?

Why remake that? I think they remade it like three or four times Sissy Spacek's perfect in that role brilliant and a remake and the mother I don't know who played

the mother in the original Carrie she's terrifying she's quite a famous actress I can't remember the name of right now all of this stuff's available like

on Blu-ray or DVD Google it yeah Blu-ray so you don't watch so anyway Stephen King or Stephen Hawking who's going first I'm first

I'm not confident about this one so I'm going to put one on King. One on King. Eli. I'll put two on Hawking. Two on Hawking. He's making it play.

He's making it play. I've got to try and get into the positive. Yeah, no, it's a good plan. Here we go. Stephen King or Stephen Hawking, who came first? Stephen Hawking. A brief history of time,

Stephen Hawking was born in 1942. Stephen King was born in 1947. Very close. So you are, this is a momentous round because you are back into positives. Oh no, plus two, aren't you? Plus two because you put two down. Yeah, so four.

So you are back into positives and that is the first one that I haven't got. Oh, so you get one point taken off. Yeah, I'm down to nine. So you're nine playing two. Yeah, the gap is closing. And there's only two cards left to go. Hang on, there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So eight, nine. One card., the gap is closing. And there's only two cards left to go. Hang on.

There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So eight, nine. One card. Let's do ten. All right. Just because I've got a juice. He keeps extending it. Here we go.

He wants to give it to me. We're going to be here for hours. We're just going to go up to ten. So here we are. Question eight. Who came first? Oh, I showed it to myself. Didn't like that. Who came first?

Oscar Wilde. Didn't like that. I like frightened me. It frightened me. Paul, stop talking to yourself. Oh, here he is. Here's Elias. He's looking at his hande. Didn't like that. I like frightened me. It frightened me. Paul, stop talking to yourself. Oh, here he is. Here's Eli. He's looking at his hand and he didn't like that.

Oh, what's this thought he's having? I don't like knowing the answer because it spoils the mystery. The kind old lady in my head. Fuck off. Beardy bastard. I'm excited, Paul. That's all it is. Fuck off.

Right. Oscar Wilde or Mark Twain? Who came first? Eli, you're first. Who came first? Oscar Wilde or Mark Twain? Obviously, they are of the same era in my mind. Turn of the century sort of period, both of them.

But that's not helping me. No, Twain was like late 1800s, wasn't he? Whereas Oscar Wilde, I think, he died in like 1920 or something like late 1800s, wasn't he? Whereas Oscar Wilde, I think, he died in like 1920 or something, Oscar Wilde, didn't he?

So, I believe it's Twain and I'm going to go, I'm going to have to bet it all on it and I'll say two. Two? I'll say two chips on Twain.

Two on Twain. Coming first, yeah. And what do you say? Three on Twain. Three on Twain. No, no,

I've decided against that. No, I've decided against it at the last minute. Yeah. I want three on twang. Three on twang. No, no. I've decided against that. No. I've decided against it at the last minute. Yeah? I want three on wild. Three on wild. I think he was around a lot earlier than you might think. I think.

I reckon. Let's find out. Oh, no. Who came first? Was it Oscar Wilde or Mark Twang? It was. Mark Twang. Mark Patwinge.

It was Mark Twain. Shit! Both gentlemen were famous wits, it was Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark

Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark I bet three. I only bet two on that one. So two plus for you. My ten point lead is now a two point lead. This is mental. This is mental.

When the action comes down, it's heavy flow action here on Cheap Show. What is the actual score then right now? It's currently six four. Six to you, four to Eli. Here we go. He came from behind. This is an interesting one. And he's also my win. What came first

Nintendo 64 Or the Playstation Eli Oh Yeah It's not me to go first It is Because he went first No no

He did Twain first And then I Back the farm on one Oh right Okay What came first Nintendo 64 Or the Playstation

Fuck I should know this Here comes the Playstation Murderer I should fucking know this. Here comes the PlayStation murderer. I should fucking know this. This is my era. This is my era. This should be your golden gaming era. Oh God, I'm panicking. Did you play those? I had a PlayStation. I had a PlayStation

but I got it late. I got it late though because I got my PlayStation in 1997 and I think it might have come out in 1995 but I'm not going to bet on that because I need the point. It's interesting. I think I know the answer to this. i've just double checked it and i was right and i and i thought you didn't like looking at the answer well in this case i just wanted to i just wanted to feel superior yeah nice nice yeah yeah selfish hell what no no one with the beards allowed on this show ever again fucking nick helm you you started this by antagonizing

me about bad education because i look for the weak and I pray. Yeah, and now look what happened. You look for the weak and then you pray to God, or you pray on the weak. Pray on the weak. Don't pray on the weak. And then I send in the petwingle. Caw, caw!

Paul, I just want to make it clear I'll shave for you. I'll shave it all for you. Shave it all off for you. Because I'm shaving all my love for you. Just don't come in my dreams like that. Please. Don't try and wrestle me naked in my dreams ever again. That's the worst thing I've ever done to you in a dream.

That's not too bad. Disturbing. You should see my dreams. Wow, okay. We're moving on. Yes. Because in my dreams, Eli. What?

You're an Adonis. Oh, thanks, Paul. A dirty little grumbly Adonis with cobwebs for balls. You're making our guest physically uncomfortable. That's good. Now he knows how I feel. Cobwebs for balls. Yeah, you've got cobwebs for balls.

I didn't pick up on that. Cobwebs for balls. How does that even work? Cobwebs for balls. I don't know what else to say. Cobwebs for balls. They're full of silk, so to speak. Question nine.

Eli, what came first? Nintendo 64. Here we go. Nintendo 64. PlayStation. What do you fancy? Here we go. Brace yourself.

Here we go. Two points. Two. PlayStation. And I want one of them on the year. And I want that year to be 1994. 1994. Oh, he's playing the year.

This is a power move. so this could be a potential four points for him and it could also be a potential four point loss yeah i do not know the year i do not know 60 nintendo 64 or playstation 64 versus the playstation and what did he say he said two on playstation one of them being the year and that year being 1994 playstation's definitely right play PlayStation definitely was around before the 64 came out. Yeah, but remember, you could join him with the same score but he might get the year wrong and lose

it all. Yeah. Minus four. I'm going to put three on PlayStation. Three on PlayStation. So potentially three versus four points here. Let's find out. Are you saying the same year as Michael? You're not saying the year, are you? Are you saying the year? I thought we were having the heavy action. No, he can. Only if you do the same year as mine? You're not saying the year, are you? Are you saying the year? I thought we were having the heavy action. No, he can.

Only if you do the year. Only if you do the year, you can double your points. And you have to get it right. No, I just want to put three on PlayStation. Three on PlayStation, that's fine. Here we go. Nintendo 64 or PlayStation? The answer is...

The PlayStation. Yes. Now, what year? Sony's PlayStation first came out in 1994. Shit on it! With eight playable games, including a train simulator and Mahjong. The N64 arrived two years later in 1996. Well, good.

Absolutely shit on it. So you've got eight there. No, four. Just four, because I bet two. Okay. So four and three for Eli. I got three. It's kept the lead alive.

What are the scores now, please? Well, if this is the last card, this is very interesting, because I'm on ten and you're on seven. Okay. So I'm catchable. I have to bet three. Right. I could be a right piece of shit now, couldn't I?

What? And do what? Only bet one? Only bet one. Yeah, but if you're wrong, then you'll lose. Oh, this is such a tenuous lead. Or I just bet the same as you. You would lose if you bet one and I got all my three right or i just bet the same as you yes that'd be

safer there's a bit of a little bit of a jingle jangle which i appreciate so here we go here is the final question sorry paul sorry a bit of a jingle jangle yeah a bit of a jingle jangle what's a jingle jangle it's a bit of a fracas a bit of a have you ever used the term jingle jangle to refer to a disagreement i mean the only time i've ever used it is describing the sound of bells. Yes. Or Jimmy Savile. No. I mean, it's a bit of a Jimmy moment.

Listen, no one is. Yes. Jingle jangle is a noise that bells make, especially at Christmas. And it's not the term for a discussion. It doesn't surprise me that a sound this bell made. This is the big one. Last one. Who came first?

Ernest Hemingway or F. Scott Fitzgerald? Ethan, I believe you're going first. Nope, because I did the PlayStation 1. Right, in that case, Eli, what's going on? Get it right, Paul. Mate, I've zoned out four cards ago. Now, what came first? Ernest Hemingway or F. Scott Fitzgerald?

I'm going to have to bet three here, Paul. I love that heavy action flow. Coming down like a river. Lateral flow. Laminar flow. Coming down like a river. Action river flow. Coming down like a river.

Keep making noises while you think. That helps. I'm not. I've thought my answer. I just like saying river. Action making noises while you think. That helps. I'm not. I've thought of my answer. What's the answer? I'm saying river. Action flow. Liminal. Coming right down.

Liminal. The heavy action flow. Three on what? Three on. Three on. Ernest Hemingway or F. Scott Fitzgerald. What were they famous for? Ernest Hemingway.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote. Catcher in the Rye. No. It's J.D. Salinger. No, no. Yeah, no. It's the other one. Gatsby.

Great Gatsby. F. Scott Fitzgerald. Gatsby, yeah. And he also wrote a short story? No, it's J.D. Salinger. No, no, yeah, no, it's the other one, Gatsby. Great Gatsby. F. Scott Fitzgerald Gatsby, yeah. And he also wrote a short story I enjoyed, Paul, called A Diamond As Large As The Ritz. Oh, I've never heard of it. It's about a guy who mines a diamond as large as a ritz. As the ritz. And he's very rich.

As in the bar of ritz? No, as in the hotel. So he finds a diamond as big as a building? Yeah, that is very rich. It's almost surreal. It's got a sort of surreal, absurd elements. Okay. I've never heard of that.

It's a good story. Where do they store this big diamond if it's as big as a building? Do they build a building to put it in? He's got it on his land. Oh. Also, he gets a wife and he keeps her in this sort of bowl made of diamond. I've got to read this now. It's very steep.

So she can't climb out? They can't climb out of the bowl. That sounds fucking terrifying. Yeah, he's not a nice character. It sounds like it's a story of Elon Musk's future. Yeah, it's like that. He was very good at sort of rich people, wasn't he? Okay, the decadence of the...

Yeah, okay. Because Gatsby is kind of a tragedy, isn't it? It's a new Bo Reish and stuff as well, yeah. Yeah, because it's kind of a tragedy about the fall of that generation. Ernest Hemingway, most famous story, probably the old man in the sea. Old man in a boat is a clitoris, Paul. That's the clitoris. No, it's not.

Yes, it is. The old man in the boat is a clitoris. Well, it depends. Excuse me, darling. Do you mind if I get my tongue on the old man in the boat? Yeah. That works. No, it doesn't.

Fuck me, does that not work? Have you never heard a clitoris referred to as a man in a boat? No. Can a clitoris be old yes to both questions excuse me darling do you mind if I lap

at the pee in your hood yeah exactly is that what you're getting at it's a bald man from above it looks like a little man in a boat in some ways

yes so Ernest Hemingway wrote a book about a clit no the old man in the clit no he wrote the old man of the sea the old man. The old man in the clit? No, he wrote The Old Man of the Sea.

The Old Man of the Seaman in the clit. I don't care. What else did he do? King Seaman. I think he was a war reporter, very early war reporter, and he's known as the sort of father of what later would become crime writing or noir.

Okay, fair enough. But it didn't really exist back when he was writing, which is pertinent to the question. But I think he was early 20th century. Okay. And I think F. Scott Fitzgerald was more like the Robber Barons, which was like the late 1800s. So I think I'm going to have to play three

and I'm going to have to go on F. Scott Fitzgerald being born before Ernest Hemingway. Do you want to bet the year he was born I have no clue good fair enough in that case for you you're closing gambit Ethan what do you think Ernest or Scott see I was going to do the opposite answer to you to keep it interesting but I genuinely think you're right it must be and so I could be trick question I want to make it interesting but I also yeah yeah I know it's tricky. What's better? Content?

Comedy content? Or the satisfaction of beating Eli? Oh, look, we've had enough laughs already. That whole thing I did about that dream was just a masterwork. We should just stop right now. Don't worry about more laughs, Ethan. Yeah, we've got that taken care of. Yeah, we're all right.

Fair enough. Three on Fitzgerald, please. Three on Fitzgerald. Okay. In that case, the answer is, who came first? F. Scott or Ernest? The answer is F. Scott. Yes.

Yeah. The way you reasoned it, you were absolutely right. The great Gatsby author arrived in 1896. His famous book was almost titled The High Bouncing Lover. We've all been there. And the old man in the sea author was born in 1899 a few years later and that at the end of the round

means the scores are Ethan Eli has 10 and Ethan has 13 well done nicely played another win that was a good one

that's a fun little game it's not too bad when you're playing it for real you're moving counters around the board to get to the finish line there are little kind of

risks and gambles you can do as well I think those ones which have a more definite structure kind of work better don't they but it mean but these games work better when you don't have a thick rule book explaining every single card meaning and point system it's like you open up it's pretty fucking basic what you have to do it's chips everyone can get on it quite quickly and if your mum doesn't get the rules that are kind of complicated you can just say

just whatever let's move around the board whatever yeah. Yeah, you could just say, I do like gambling games. So I do like the gamble aspect. I always think that adds to it, adds to trivia. Nice chip action. I like being able to gamble on how confident you are of the answer.

It gives another little wrinkle to trivia. Do you know what I mean? And I love that year idea, like when you're super confident. Yeah. I mean, that paid out gangbusters. Yeah.

So I'm well happy with that well done there's a nice little bit of yeah I know it's 94 definitely it could have been 95 and it would have been eggy face boy eggy face

well you've already tried to eggy face him by trying to shame him about bad education the film at the top of the show sounds like I eggy faced you in your dream last night as well

no you didn't in my big old big old cobwebby ball sack slapping up against your rumbly tumbly bellicons. Just press the fucking button. Fine, fine. And that's the end of Cheap Show.

Once more. Join us next week for more economy comedy fun. Ethan, thank you for joining us on the show this week. Thank you very much for having me. I've had a righteous time. Was it as much fun as you thought it was in your brain? Yeah, it was. You're going to tell all your friends about us.

Yeah, I'm going to put all my social medias in everything. Well, why don't you tell people where they can find you, your work and your social media contacts at this point in the podcast now? Well, my social media is unified under the name at Ethan D. Lawrence. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. In addition to most of the stuff that I'm on TV-wise, you can find it on IMDb, Bad Educations on Netflix, Afterlife's on Netflix. More of that coming soon.

NTF nominated. Yeah, NTA. National Television Award nominated. And you'll be attending that this week. Yeah, I'm going to the big party. Mate, if I give you a cheap show badge, if I send you one, you wear it. Yeah, I'll put it on.

Yeah, I'll send you one. I should have brought one. I'll post it to you. Nice, yeah. When is it? Thursday. Bloody hell. Look at him.

He's so excited. He's in the fucking system. He's like Barnum or something. Yeah, in that I like to kill big animals for entertainment. No. Between goal. I don't believe he did, actually. I don't believe that animals for entertainment. Oh. Between goal. I don't believe he did, actually. I don't believe that's the same Barnum.

No, it is. No, it's not. He had whales in the basement. I know it's Edison I get confused about who did. Yeah, he had whales in the basement. Barnum kept large whales in the basement. Keeping it tight for a finale. Let's move on.

So is that all you're up and out the way? Yeah, at Ethan D. Lawrence everywhere. I find my stuff. You know where it is. Beautiful stuff. Can I ask Ethan a question? Yes. I liked your work judging the Urine Vision contest is that something you'd be prepared to come back and do again anytime anytime i'm a two-year veteran now

so third year i'm i'm done it twice brilliant we're thinking we might do it if we do it at all next year live in terms of we'll rent a studio or theater space and do it live somehow well yeah if you fancy having me along, you know where I am. Well, definitely. You're more like the eighth Beatle at this point, I think, in the show. Once we get through, like, Ash, Biffo, Stuart, whatever. Don't do a hierarchy with the guest in the room. Well, I think we should have a guest ranking.

I think we should have guest rankings. Like, was Ethan as good as Nick Helm? Yes. Was it as good as Imran? I don't know. So I think we should judge them privately. Okay. Just between, so we don't offend our guests.

Yeah, but you'll put it on the podcast, obviously. Which you know I listen to. It's not going to affect Imran or Nick. Yeah, because they don't bloody listen to the bloody podcast, do they? But are you a Patreon supporter? No. Well, then we'll put it on a Patreon podcast. Which, funnily enough, you can get involved with.

If you want to help support this podcast, you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but only if you can, and you'll get access to magazines, videos, and extra podcasts, things like that. What's he doing? I just want to say how seamless that segue was. I was.

That was liquid radio. Years of being rejected from radio shows. So you get all that tone and style in. Paul, can I say what my Twitter is now? Please tell us. Well, I'm going to do that bit now. Okay. You can email the show about anything you like at thecheapshowatgmail.com.

Pictures and such to accompany this episode on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Pictures and such. What's the such? Sometimes we have videos, but not all the time. Screaming more than such. By such, you mean videos. Yes. So it would have worked better as pictures and videos yes so it would have worked better as

pictures and videos on the that sentence would have worked better as such weren't they like sundries

oh fetch me such I've fetched cobwebs in my nutsack yeah here we go I've fetched in your mouth I've fetched

in your fucking mouth I've fetched my sundry in your mouth that's the one I was looking for so the cheap shit in your fucking mouth. I've fetched my sundry in your mouth. That's the one I was looking for. So, thecheapshow.co.uk

is our one-stop shop. If you go to there, you'll get loads of links to Patreon, the merch pages, all kinds of bits and bobs. You just said I've fetched my sundries

in your mouth. Sometimes he's good. Right, thank you. What else? Yes, we're on social media You can find us on Facebook You can find us on Instagram If you look for Cheap Show But also

If you go to Twitter It's at the Cheap Show pod I'm at Paul Gannon's show And Eli is Eli Snoid You can spell that E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D And we hope you do

Join us next week As we roll towards 250 Where we've got more fun and games More economy comedy goodness, and hey, we're watching you, watching us, watching you. Goodbye. Watching you, goodbye.

Bye, bye, bye. Get out of that fucking quick. Yeah, bye. Oh, dear.