CheapShow - Ep 25: Attack Of The Life Hacks!

Episode Date: July 13, 2016

You ask Eli to do ONE thing! Create an original segment for the show and he shows up with piss poor life hacks. Paul is not impressed. Don't worry though. Paul cocks up too and forgets to record cheap eats. Paul fixes it, but  via dodgy re-record! In this section the cheap chaps have a right old moan about the state of modern crisps! SHOCK HORROR!!! Finally, Eli falls in love with a You Tube celebrity and its a match made in heaven. Listen to their love affair begin! It's another random episode of the economy comedy podcast! Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher, iTunes or most good podcast apps and get fortnightly fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Ladies and gentlemen, my name's Eli Silverman. I'm coming to you live and direct from the Soton studio, and it's Cheap Show, the show you love to love. And who's the other host? Yes, that's right. It's Paul Gannon. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Cheap Show, episode 25, where the topics are cheap, and so are to love and who's the other host yes that's right it's paul bannon hello everybody welcome to cheap show episode 25 where the topics are cheap and so are the laughs just as a like as a witty aside yeah um i'd just like to mention if you ever go to the bathroom after eli's taking a poo i reckon you give it half an hour because oh boy is it an ice stinger oh your fog mist your ass mist is acidic oh what so my poo smells like the rest of humanity sorry no oh sorry i'll get those tablets that you can get japan that make it smell

of flowers please do you're actually yeah i'll do that for you yeah there's actually a place you can go to that has that you know yeah i know here we go there is a place you can go to to buy pills that improves the smell of your fart. It's a website called Pillupet, P-I-L-U-L-E-P-E-T dot com, right? Right. Let me just read out what it says on the website. Okay. The official site for the pill that makes your flatulence smell like roses. During a copious dinner, Christian Poitrevel said to himself it would be far more appropriate to be able to fart without bothering his neighbors after much research with the laboratory and many

many tests the fart pill saw the light of day since then the number of press articles cannot be counted and numerous tv shows have invited their favorite inventor on a regular basis luton marlin who's the guy who's the inventor of this prestigious pill, says, we were at a table with friends after a copious meal when we nearly

asphyxiated ourselves with our smelly farts. What, you sit in there with your friends and just fart? Gassing off, yeah.

You're rude. Hold it in. The gas wasn't that great for our table neighbours, so something had to be done about this.

You could disguise the sound of a fart, but not the stench. Yeah, or you could just leave the room and do it when you're in the loo, like, you know, people who have some

fucking respect. There are four types you can buy. One will cost you 18 euros. It's just a simple pill. It makes your stinky human farts smell like roses, apparently. Roses. There is a Christmas edition that makes your farts smell like chocolate. It says here, for humans,

totally natural remedy for stinky farts, now with a chocolate aroma. There is a St. Valentine's Day ginger fart pill. Oh my God. Yeah. What is the first natural aphrodisiac everyone thinks about? Well, here it is,

combined with our unique formula. Totally natural remedy for human stinky farts with a zest of all-purpose ginger. May your sweetheart feel your love. And finally, finally, fart powder for dogs that stink. It's for dogs that fart.

Are you tired of rolling down the car windows during long trips with a dog in your car? Now for a day-to-day solution to stinky stools and farts. Woof. That'd cost you 25 euros. Well, it must last for a while.

I mean, it can't just be one dose. Oh, I don't know. See, I am sceptical of the efficacy of these so-called fart-neutralising products. Yes, you're right to doubt them. Because you say roses, and it's probably like the stink of shit with some roses. Because you're right to doubt them. They say roses and it's probably like the stink of shit

with some roses. Do you know what I mean? Or an eggy woofter with a slight tinge of ginger. Making it even more disgusting in a way. Like basically what they're saying is

we'll make you fart like your nan. A combination of eggs and palmer violet sweets. Oh dear. But they have got a word from their lab which explains the flatulence process

and how it's decomposing material, fermenting. Gases are usually low odour, but constipation can make farts become more fragrant. And then they talk about other things that are in their pill, which breaks down the smells. Well, there you go. Well, apparently, there you go. We're fools. I want to do a test of that on this show.

We need to do that. We need to test these products. I can to do a test of that on this show. We need to do that. We need to test these products. I can't imagine anything fucking worse than me and you sitting in this, eating eggy, beefy meals. Eggy, beefy meals? Eggy, beefy meals, yeah. What, like egg and beef? Yeah, egg and beef being burrito, right?

An egg and a burrito? Yeah, yeah, because the beef will set me off, mate. If I have a big beef meal. That sets you off. It's going to pay a lot of people a lot of problems. You go to full alarm. It's going to be bad. It's going to be bad.

I've never discovered what sets me off. Life. Life sets your farts off. Basically, they're always bad. Isn't your diet of non-stop kebab eating the reason why your farts and arsehole sounds awful? I take issue. I take issue with that. Yeah? I have-stop kebab eating the reason why your fart and arsehole sounds awful? I take issue. I take issue with that. Yeah?

I have maybe one kebab a week. Apparently you had it last night then. Because, oh boy, howdy. Poor wee stinky you. Look, how is that going to help me get laid? Or help the show? Mate. If you start the show by going, Christ, Eli just laid a log.

Stunt. How are we going to get more respect for what we're doing? There might be women going, please, Eli, sell me your bottle farts. I do not want to be with a woman who wants to smell my farts. Can you send me a pair of your squirted out jockstrap pants? Squirted out? You're going verbiage salad. I know, a little bit.

Dirty little runyons. There might be a woman listening to this going, oh, Eli, I want you to fart right in my nose. No, but I don't like that. I don't like it. What if a woman was perfect, absolutely perfect for you, but she had one kink,

and that kink was for you to press your dirty butthole right up against their nose and squirt out a blast of ass gas? I think I can deal with that, actually. But yeah, it's not something... Dressed as a Nazi. No. All right, I'm fine.

I found the line. All right, anyway. Welcome to the show. Welcome to Cheap Show. So you were going to start off today's show with some life hacks. Yes. It's about time you delivered some content to this show. I've got some content.

All right, so over to Eli. Now... Do we have a jingle? No, not yet. Can we think a jingle? No, not yet. Can we think of one? Eli's Life Hacks. The title of this new occasional segment, ladies and gentlemen,

called Cut Price Life Hacks. Cut Price Life Hacks. And what, Paul's going to look for some music now, I think? Maybe. Anyway, so, Life Hacks, you know, basically are these tips for, you know, living your life better. Like, you know, they're stupid ones, aren't they? Like, you know those containers for ketchup you get in fast food restaurants?

Just open them out. Open them out a bit more. Yeah. It's not a hack. I'm not hacking my life. You know, I haven't gone behind. Welcome to the Intuit QuickBooks Jingle Generator. Oh. Oh, yeah. First, select your business type. All right, I can't.

Can't find your business type on the list? No problem. Just click the small business option, and we'll cut a special track just for you. Let's rock! Wow, this is a website called Jingle Generator. My jingles are smooth as silk. Tommy silk.

What do you want? Arts and entertainment, nightlife, beauty and spas? What did he just say? Tommy Silk? Something like that. What's he on about? Medical, legal, travel, small business, retail, shopping. What do you want?

Hey, Linda, can you get the band ready? And I don't care if they all don't have matching sunglasses this time. Oh, that's just not funny, man. Let's do arts and entertainment. Right, here we go. Yeah, I like that. Now it's time to make your jingle your own by adding a little company information.

There are two easy options. You do it yourself, or we'll do it for you. Let's do it ourselves. I'll be around the studio. Rock on. God, he's really annoying me. No, he's really annoying me now. I'm going to write it down.

Biz name. Business name is what? Cut price, life hacks. Cut price, life hacks Cut price life hacks I'm typing this in Business phone number 018 Hey Mr Silk

Do you want the light beams over here or over there? Listen Mush You talk to Linda Then Linda talks to me That's how it works This is very confusing Business address DOS

House 5 Oh my god What are the special effects on this fucking thing? I'm turning it down for a bit. Business address, 5 Smith Street. All right. Web address, www.cutprice.org.

Right. Okay. Here we go. I'm Tommy Silk. Shut up, Tommy Silk. Tommy Silk, not Tommy Silk. That's his name, Tommy Silk. Here we go. I'm Tommy Silk. Shut up, Tommy Silk. Tommy Silk, not Tommy Silk. That's his name, Tommy Silk. Preview jingle.

Is that it? Yeah. That's it? The website's... Is that it? Yeah. That's lame. Is that it?

It's lame. That was our jingle. Now it's time... Why isn't it working? Let's make it stop That's shit That was such a fucking letdown After all that

Who haddery Right, shall we get on with the segment then, Paul, now? I guess Have you finished arsing around the segment then, Paul, now? I guess. Have you finished arsing around and trying to subvert my authority? I guess. I was looking forward to doing a jingle. Well, start again, yeah? Okay?

Yeah. Right. I'm sorry. It's all right. Just let me... Yeah? Yeah. Okay?

I'm really sorry about that. I thought I was going to go somewhere real fun. No, it's not fun. That guy is not fun. No, you're right. It's the opposite of fun. I'm sorry, mate. It was bullshit. Alright, I'm sorry. I'll step back. So, ladies and gentlemen, we have

a new occasional segment today. I really feel bad about this. Just stop interrupting me. We've got a new occasional segment today and it is Eli's Cut Price Life Hacks. So, a lot of people have life Hacks. A lot of them

are very stupid, so I've thought... Are they? Yes. Why? They're just things like, you put the straw in the thing in the can and it holds the straw in place when you're drinking a coke. Rather than use your fingers, we'll hold this paper clip in a piece of plastic pan. Yeah, yeah.

You know, just eat the flipping sandwich. But I'm going to come up in this segment with some very useful and money-saving life hacks. All right, good. Okay, first one. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. This is going to be a bit of a revelation for people, so get ready.

Okay. You never have to buy toilet paper again. Why? It's available everywhere. Is it? Yeah. Everywhere you go, there's toilets. It's full of toilet paper.

No one's guarding it. So what you're just saying, go into open public toilets? Everywhere you go. Just grab wads of it everywhere. Well, hang on. What about if you go to a tube station and it's like 30p to get in? You're still paying that 30p to go in there? Don't nick it from there.

So go nick it from places where you'd have to pay for a pee. Like where you work. Okay, so, yeah. What about pubs? Is there anything else you can use instead of toilet paper, maybe? Coffee shops. Coffee shops, yeah. Yeah, napkins.

Napkins are a great solution. Napkins are essentially just toilet paper which hasn't been rolled up. Yeah, but napkins don't have the same kind of grasping technology to really clean out the bunghole. They do. Because they're too smooth. They're kind of plasticated

or something. Well, don't go for those. No. The choice is yours but you never have to buy toilet paper again. Wow. You probably should though

because I don't think you should depend on... No, but this is my life hack. What are you trying to... Why? Why should you? I'm trying to say that of all the things to save money on I think you should depend on... No, but this is my life hack. What are you trying to... Why? Why should you? I'm trying to say that of all the things to save money on, I think stuff that is quite important to clean your bottom,

she should spend money on. No. You can get decent toilet paper with Hello Vera for like a quid now. Well, you don't want to spend a quid. It's just bum wad, isn't it? It's just bum paper. Yeah, but I'm just saying, maybe don't steal toilet paper. We're going to present a unified front on this fucking thing. The toilet paper that they have here is like bum paper. Yeah, but I'm just saying, maybe don't steal toilet paper. We're going to present a unified front on this fucking thing.

The toilet paper that they have here is like tracing paper. Well, don't nick it from here. Find a good place to nick it from and then go there. I hate toilet paper with no purchase. You know what I mean? Yeah, but you're thinking about a different type of purchase. I'm just saying you will do not purchase it. Yeah.

But then find some stuff with some good grips and purchase. What would you recommend is good toilet paper substitute? You haven't thought this through. I'm not saying substitute, I'm saying actual bog roll. Nick it. You don't have to pay for it. They'll let you go to the toilet anywhere. How sad. Shall I explain the hack to you?

Yeah. Right. I mean, I get the hack. You get it, do you? Go on, explain it to me. It's Monday. Yeah. That's a great explanation. Shut up. Stop interrupting me. It's Monday. You get it, do you? Go on, explain it to me. It's Monday. Yeah. That's a great explanation. Shut up. Stop interrupting me. That's the best explanation ever.

It's Monday. Yeah. Oh, I've done a body... Yeah. Oh. Oh, I'm at work. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to visit the loo.

I've got the grumblies. Yes. Oh, I'll bring my rucksack into the loo. Oh, look. Here are some rolls of toilet paper. Right. I'll have those, and I'll use them at home to wipe my arse with, and I'll never pay penny one for bog roll ever again in my life.

Isn't that company theft, though? It's like you're stealing from your company. You don't have to admit it to anyone, do you? Apart from the guy who comes in after you with a grumble on, and then finds out there's no toilet paper. Well, don't take it all. Just take two rolls. Stop trying to subvert. This is a great hack. Alright. It's a great hack. Alright, I'll take

your word for it. I'm not completely sold. You never have to pay for bog roll again. But you should, I think. I think that's the one thing you probably should do. Unless they've got one of those new-fangled one sheet at a time through a little sphincter. Have you seen those ones? Oh, I don't like them. Why? They're stupid. It takes ages to wad it up.

Because you've got to pull it out and then pull it off and then unfold it out. And then you've got to... And then get another sheet. And then you've got to, like, fold it into the way you like best for your toilet paper manoeuvres.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is quite... Do you know what that thing is called? It's called a Loftus Pro. Yeah? Yeah. What's Pro? How can you have...

It's a difference... It's like an amateur league of bum wipers? Yeah, there is. And they smear it all around? There's featherweight. There's a featherweight one. And then you've got the pro. The pro bum wipers. Pro, yeah.

It's like, oh right, get a Loftus because we're all pro-ass wipers. Oh yeah, we got... What, you don't have Loftus? Oh, mate. Mate. You're doing it wrong. You're an amateur.

Oh my God. Get out. Get out of the... The toilet. You're doing it wrong. You're an amateur. Oh, my God. Get out. Get out of the... The toilet. The poo wipers union. Union club for boys. So that's a stupid name for a silly machine. Yeah.

Right. What's your second hack? My second hack? Yeah, your second hack. Now, a lot of people these days are very concerned with their health, Paul. Right. Yeah. Shut up.

Stop looking at me like that. What? Resigned? Yeah. Go on. They're very concerned with their health and they go Right. Yeah. Shut up. Stop looking at me like that. What, resigned? Yeah. Go on. They're very concerned with their health and they go for healthy drinks.

They do. Kale smoothies. Mmm. Seaweed, orange, blended wraps. Things. Yeah. Vegetable waters, basically.

Well, you don't have to pay for that. You don't have to pay for that? No. You just, I don't know, climb up a guttering and slurp out the fucking rainwater.

No, but that was next week. Go on. Say you're going to boil some cabbage or some broccoli. You mentioned that, and funny enough, I'm doing that very thing tonight. What should I do with this boiled stuff? Well, you boil your cabbage. Yeah. Instead of pouring the water out.

Which I often do. Put that water aside. Okay. And then take it to work. You've got vegetable water you've got cabbage water it's full of nutrients it's not

it's just lovely lovely cabbage water or broccoli water spinach water carrot it's just water flavoured water it's vegetable flavoured water

but it doesn't have the actual nutrients of the vegetable in that water oh doesn't it oh doesn't it I wouldn't have thought so what you put something in some water and heat it up and it doesn't release? Oh, doesn't it? I wouldn't have thought so. What, you put something

in some water and heat it up and it doesn't release anything into the water? I think you're wrong there. Not to the same extent of having an actual smoothie made of nothing but pure broccoli or whatever.

Yes, but you're paying four pounds a litre for that smoothie. And what are you paying for my hack? What are you paying for Eli's patented vegetable cabbage water,

Paul? You still have to buy the cabbages. Yeah, but what are you paying for the water? Very little. Your rates, depending on your water bowl. That's my second life hack. Thank you, everybody. You still have to buy the cabbages. Yeah, but what do you pay for the water? Very little. Your rates, depending on your water bill.

That's my second life hack. Thank you, everybody. They're not very good. Well, you come up with some more then. All right, here's a life hack for you. What? Never have to eat again. All you've got to do is not eat.

Just don't eat. You'd die. That's plainly stupid. Well, there you go. How is that in any way structurally similar to my vegetable water or bum roll one? It's not. It saves money. It doesn't fucking save money. You'll never have to eat again.

What a great hack that is. You'll never have to eat again if you just don't eat. Ladies and gentlemen, I know you've liked this section, and it'll be coming back occasionally. Here's a good hack for you. Never break a sweat again by never leaving your house. Never have any exercise. All you've got to do is simply don't exercise. That is not the same as what I was saying.

Yeah? No. I'm not impressed with this section. Well, it's the... Every... Little acorns, Paul, yeah? Yeah. Little acorns.

What do you do with them? Don't plant them. No. Your whole life hack is just don't do a thing. No, yeah? Yeah. Little acorns. What do you do with them? Don't plant them? No. Your whole life hack is just don't do a thing. No, it's not. The vegetable water, you've got to cook the vegetables in water, and then you've got the water.

No, it is a good one. Cut price chocolate. Just go to Thorntons and sniff the air outside. Mmm, yum. That's a good one. Is it? Yeah. It's not bad, actually.

You get the sensation of the chocolate yeah yeah because most taste is built on smell yeah and then maybe put some bread in your mouth

and chew yeah get a bit of lard yeah and then go next to Thornton's factory yeah sniff the chocolate and eat the lard

yeah that's a great idea well you're liking this section now it's growing on me I can see the possibilities now nah shit what's coming up next well

let's find out right so this next part of cheap show you may notice the change of sound quality and there is a long story to that, but basically, the section we're about to do, the Cheap Eat section, we're doing again because I accidentally deleted the recording after we recorded it at our studio, and so it disappeared. So that's my fault. Sorry.

Boo! Boo! So we're doing this over the Skype machine. So Eli's in London, and I'm in Southampton, and we're going to try the Skype machine. So Eli's in London and I'm in Southampton. We're going to try and do as best we can our recollections and retastings of the food we were sent. Does that sound like a plan? That sounds like a plan. Right.

So we'll start off because this food was donated to us by a listener simply called AG. She wants to remain anonymous for whatever reason, but she did send a letter and it says, Hi, Paul and Eli. These are the found... Yeah, say hello again. Hello. These were things found

in various 99p stores, grocery stores, and bodegas in Queens. In Manhattan, there are mainly slick and expensive groceries, but in Queens, it tends to be more dodgy

and strange. You like dodgy and strange. You like dodgy and strange, don't you, Eli? That's my favorite two-word combination in the English language. Excellent. I include the hot Cheetos because of an anecdote Eli said on a previous episode about the American school kids trading them like street drugs. They do this because they're not allowed in most schools. This is because kids usually eat them and then don't wash their hands and then they rub their eyes and the spicy powder burns their eyes.

So now they're traded on playgrounds like street drugs. Enjoy. So the first thing she did send us were the Cheetos hot spicy. Now they aren't the things you were talking about specifically, were they?

No, they are slightly different to hot fries. Very similar. Yeah. Hot fries made by Chester's. Okay. These were Cheetos. very similar yeah um hot fries uh made by chester's okay but these these were um cheetos uh chester's is kind of a kind of copycat brand i don't know what came first because you know that cheetos have the type the lion and what was he tiger well i'd imagine he's a cheetah

oh yeah cheetah yeah but yeah all right i thought he was called chester i thought that as well you're right i thought he was called Chester. I thought that as well. You're right. I thought he was called Chester. There's a whole brand called Chester's, which isn't Cheetos. Interesting. I mean, if someone can explain the tangled web of the whole Cheetos thing to me, you know. We'd love to hear it. There's actually a forum on Reddit called Knockoff Brands,

and they talk about stuff like that a lot on that forum. And it's great because you go in, they put pictures up of these Knock Off Brands. So instead of like Mountain Dew, they call things like Mountain Lightening, and it's the exact same colour, and it tastes like, you know, glow-in-the-dark shit. But I believe with like Chester's and stuff, they've become quite established in their own right, especially in the hot fries market, you know. Okay, okay. So what did you make, then, of the Cheetos brand variety? That is amongst my top snack in the universe.

Really? Yeah. You really enjoyed it? I really love it. It's crunchy. Yeah. Cheesy. Yeah. And also has that fiery kick.

Well, I have got a crumb of it in my hand right now left over from this recording i'm gonna take a little nibble of this crumb and i'm gonna do it oh it's stale oh oh but it's hot yes i'm surprised it's still got its kick to be honest but that's there was this video doing the rounds of some guy lighting the end of one of those. Lighting it? Like a cigarette? Well, no, he wasn't smoking it, but he did light it, yeah. And it burnt with a flame.

What? Yeah. That's crazy. Why? Because is it made of asbestos or something? Asbestos doesn't burn you, moron. Oh, right. Okay.

Well, there you go. Anyway, and so he was like, oh, that must be poison. Look, it's on fire. Yeah. But that's not true. All food is essentially, all dry food is essentially flammable, isn't it? You know what? I've never put that theory to the test. I've never taken a crisp or monster munch and set fire to it.

You could because it has to be combustible for us to be able to digest it. That's essentially what's happening calories we burn the food metabolically we burn it in our uh in our digestive system don't we that's a very good point and i think for the first time in my life i've learned something from you because i remember we did we did a science experiment to see how many calories were in a peanut yeah that's cool and uh we we basically bunsen burn in a peanut at school. And we basically Bunsen-burned a peanut. And was it a bright flame? It went up a treat, yeah.

Wow. I never did that at school. Well, you went to a shit school, didn't you? Yeah, you went to a school run by hippies. So anyway, for our listeners, these hot, hot, flaming hot Cheetos. Hot, hot, flaming hot hot is that what's on the packet no it just just just go on so they are um essentially a giant what's it uh no knickknack yeah a knickknack it's a knickknack isn't it so it's almost exactly the same sort of uh texture

as a knickknack yeah but with that flaming hot and uh you know a knickknackack. Yeah. But with that flaming hot and, you know, a knick-knack has got to be one of the top snacks. One of your top snacks ever. Well, yeah. And have you seen, Paul, we need, there's something we need to address on the...

Oh, go on. There's this internet meme going around about the top tier of crisps and the middle tier. Oh, you and your fucking crisps. Yeah, go on. Well, we should address that

because it is horseshit, as you will admit. Yeah. They've got, like,. Well, we should address that, because it is horseshit, as you will admit. Yeah. They've got, like, you know, stupid things at the top, and, like, they just don't know what they're talking about, man. Hang on, let's see if I can find it. Yeah, okay, so there are five tiers. The top tier is God

tier, right? Yeah. It has their Watsits, Sensations, Mild Chili Flavour. See, that's fucking travesty right there. Yeah, I agree with you with that. There's nothing special about those. They're just hot chips. They're like a fucking kettle chip knockoff that Walker's rushed out.

Yeah. And also, it's like a whole line, Sensations. Do you ever see a different flavour? Roast Chicken in Time, I think, is the only other one I've seen. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. But you're right. I stand with you on that.

Okay. Next is knick-knacks, rib and saucy. Yeah, well, knick-knacks do deserve the top-level treatment, yes. I don't know where I stand on that. I've not had a knick-knack for years. Kettle chips are on there. Cheddar, mature cheddar. I don't know.

Just posh way of saying cheese and onion. Yeah. And there's a McCoy's cheese and onion yeah and uh there's a mccoy's cheddar and onion on there as well well i think mccoy's a cardboardy they are what what while we're on the subject of crisps there's a vending machine in one of the call centers i work at and uh they've you know just got normal crisps in there usually but every now and again you get branigans but really yeah That's a rare treat. Yes.

Branigans, beef and mustard. That's a nice, healthy snack, that one. It's a great crisp. All right. Is it anywhere near that whole chart? Have they even put Branigans on there? Let me have a quick look. Spoiler warning.

Absolutely no Branigans on this list at all. See, let's just abandon that now. It's a stupid... Oh, no. Let's quickly go through because i think we need to you know discuss it a little bit so god tier is done top tier has walker's prawn cocktail quavers doritos spicy salsa cheese and onion walkers and pickled onion monster munch yeah would you disagree with any of those particularly i would have a whole different

system the tier system is bullshit it's flawed fundamentally from the start yeah it's fundamentally flawed there's no distinction made between you know types of crisp what i will say is this though the pickled onion monster munch always ranks highly when i was doing a thing with paul mcafree on radio uh desert island crisps where comedians were asked what crisps they take to a desert island nine times out of ten pickled onion monster munch came up it's a it's a it's a huge favorite especially in uh in comedy circles it is and yes not a single one of these crisps i'm about to say now mentions beef flavored monster munch which for me is a premier crisp i would have to say yes it edges the pickled onion doesn't it for me because it feels like a proper meal yes rather than a snack so mid-tier is mini cheddars mini cheddars they're not even a crisp that's not

crisp they're a biscuit it's not i mean that's it yeah there's there's arguments there's arguments that can be made you know i mean for like quavers being a crisp and stuff like that you know some people might disagree the purists yeah i think we can all we can all rally round and agree that a fucking ched mcch what they call mini cheddar is not a crisp it's it's not at all it's a snack it's it's it definitely falls into biscuit stroke snack territory yes so what else they got mid-tier pom bears hula hoops just ready salted flavor that's a good crisp that's a good crisp. That's a good crisp. I thought that would rank higher, frankly.

Skips, which are also prawn cocktail flavoured, and Pringles. That's the mid-tier. Low-tier, right, they have here salt and vinegar Smith's squares. I've always liked them. I think they'd go up on the top tier for me, you know? I'd put them on the top tier. They're a good salt and vinegar snack. You know what I'm saying liked them. I think they'd go up on the top tier for me, you know? I'd put them on the top tier. They're a good salt and vinegar snack. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. They're a classic snack. In fact, I think there's a bias here towards salt and vinegar crisp because three out of the five on this level are all salt and vinegar. You've got chip sticks, salt and vinegar, and french fries, salt and vinegar. Yeah. They have sun bites, which are the low-calorie snack thing. Yeah, what is that even doing? What is that even doing anywhere near a list of, like, a ranking of crisps, you know?

Here's the one thing I don't like. Low tier has Frazzles, and that is fucking bang out of order. Yeah, Frazzles is your top tier crisp any day of the week. I would swap out Prawn Cocktail Walkers for frazzles in an instant. So would I. Yeah, bullshit. And the shit tier. The shit tier now. Some of them you can't disagree with. They have pop chips, which

are those kind of air-baked snack. Salt and vinegar discos, which always tasted fake to me. Didn't like a disco, no? They were fine, but they have a weirdly artificial taste, which is saying something, considering it's a crisp. You think they were different?

They are different, aren't they, to a square crisp with a different texture? They exist somewhere between a Pringle and a crisp, is the only way I can describe it. They also have Twiglets, but I would never put them on a list of crisps. These people need to fucking get their priorities right.

Yeah. And, you know, do some fucking work. Yeah. And get a separate, whole separate system for snacks. I agree. And they can have their Twiglets there, their mini cheddars. Yeah, all that shit. You know?

Yeah. Space Raiders, which I think are unfairly ranked low because they're a good chip you know they are they're a top fucking snack they are basically you know if you see someone eating them you know they're an actual connoisseur of this stuff you know what i'm saying i agree i think this is you've got to search those out these days yeah and i think this is snobbery that it's on the shit tier list it's snobbery basically their god tier has got all the pricey ones haven't they yeah and they're all the 10p for a packet of space ray this is a good value for money yes uh finally this is the one i violently disagree with on this shit tier is bacon flavored wheat crunchies which are that is in the

god tier that should be on the god tier get rid of sensations fuck off yeah mccoy's cheddar and kettle chips the fucking ponce's choice But the Wheat Crunchy's Right there Right up there So that's the list I'm not happy I'm not happy Anyway

So Yes so We've cleared the air With that one now To conclude Yeah Cheetos Flaming hot

Yeah Yes please Every day of the week I give them 9 out of 10 They are just I'm going to give it I'm going to give it 8 Only because

I don't slightly like The texture more than anything i'd like the flavor but the texture is the only slightly negative thing i would say all right all right so uh the next thing we were sent um were these we had two bags of uh peanuts uh basically or one was a kind of nut mix thing but uh one was hot and spicy peanuts uh byacks. I've got a pack right in front of me here. I'm going to try a few now to, you know, remind the taste buds what they were in the treat for. So let me just have a quick nom of them. Oh, they're good. Yeah.

Oh, they're good at kick. Not too hot, but it lingers on the palate. Nice. Yeah, that's a good snack. Do you hot, but it lingers on the palate. Nice. Yeah, that's a good snack. Do you remember those? Yes, very good, very nice. Not too salty, but definitely got a tang. Yeah, not too salty.

They're kind of sweet almost, but in a pleasant way. They were very pleasurable. A nice beer snack on a hot day, I think. So I have something in front of me made by La Isla Snacks, which is exactly the same. Yeah, I think it was like, weirdly, one of these situations where it was the same company and the same

packaging, but for some reason slightly different branding. Yes. So I have La Isla Snacks, and these are called Botanos con Chili Limon. Oh! And I think essentially what these are is a sort of Latin American style Bombay mix, if you will. Oh, yeah. It's kind of a nut mix.

You've got almonds in there. You've got some corn nut things. Yeah. You've got sunflower seeds. And you've also got peanuts. Oh. You've got all sorts in there. You've got a nice mix.

And corn chili lemon. Lemon is lemon chili. These are lemon chili ones. So I'm having a few now. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah. Very, very nice.

Oh, yeah. I remember them being very nice as well. They had that kind of nice lemony tang at the end of the flavor. You've got a nice zesty citrus kick with the chilli. It's a great combo. And there's a nice, obviously, there's a nice texture variation with all the different kinds. Yeah, there's a nice collection of flavours and textures in the mouth there. Yes, those are very nice indeed.

Excellent. I'm going to, by the way, I didn't rate the hot and spicy nuts I'm going to give them 8 out of 10 well I'm going to give the botanas con chili lemon yeah limon

limon 8 as well yeah it's a good hard it's a hard snack it's a hard snack but it's a faithful snack

and it won't let you down it won't let you down and also you've got the health aspect there it's got nuts nuts are good for you yeah they are good. Not too many, because you can poison yourself, I believe, with too many nuts. Can you?

I've heard that rumour somewhere. What, like how many nuts? I mean, what, I ate two tonnes of nuts and my stomach exploded. Well, yeah, maybe that's what it is. I don't know. But I heard that if you have too many nuts, it's bad for you. Also, spinach. It's bad for you as well.

Yeah, you can overdose on spinach. Well, no one's going to do that because no one likes spinach. I like spinach. Do you? Of course I do. I like it in small amounts, but I'd never sit there and go, I'm going to overdose on spinach today. That's how I'm going to go out.

I'm going to leave a suicide note with Popeye drawn on it. It would be an ineffective suicide. It on it. It would be an ineffective suicide. It would be. It would be. It would be so pathetic, it wouldn't even be seen as a cry for help. It's more as a sort of show-offy thing. Yeah, I'd be laughed at.

I'd be on all the subreddits, wouldn't I? Stupid twat dies of spinach overdose. Popeye death. Wouldn't be good. No. All right, so nuts and the snack so far great but now we're moving on

to candy to end this run with first of all let's get this one out the way we were sent a thing called Choward's Violets now they're basically

Parma Violets and anyone in the UK knows what a Parma Violet is it's a purple chalky sweet that tastes like my nan's kitchen

well well my nan's bathroom yeah yeah so that tastes like my nan's kitchen. Well. Well, my nan's bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. So I suck in your nan's panties. Yeah. I was going to taste it, but you've put me right off now with that comment, so I'm not going to.

They're chalky. They are. Why were these invented as a flavour? I mean, it's interesting that someone goes, yeah, you know what's a really nice flavour for candy? Purple. Lavender. It's a lavender. Lavender. But lavender's what you put on a pillow to sleep or you burn incense you don't i don't

know it's like candy is it it's soapy as well very soapy like when we had those candies at stewart ashenbrook that had the moniker still tastes like soap yes uh i think that was canadian chewing gum in fact wasn't, that was very weird. So I think it's like one of these old, like it used to be a popular flavour, perhaps in the 1800s. Yeah. And it's just a hangover from that. And it's a modern sensibility because we associate that kind of odour with cleaning products and perfumed, yeah, Danny knickknacks. Uh,

then, you know, I wonder who they're popular with because they still make them. They still make obviously millions of them a year and they sell them. So I don't know. Oh, oh, old racists,

old racists. Okay. So big Florida candy that I imagine. All right, let's move on to the next one. Now. Um, what mark are we going to give that?

Oh, four. They're not unpleasant, but they're remarkable. They're not unpleasant, are they? on to the next one now. What mark are we going to give those? Oh, four. They're not unpleasant, but they're unremarkable. They're not unpleasant, are they? I'd say four as well, yes. I mean, on a night of smoking a lot of weed, I can get through a couple of packs of these, no probs. Really?

Yeah. But that's the circumstance I need to eat them under. It's the Einstein. I've got nothing else in the house. The only candies I've found left are the Violet Palmer things. And nom, nom, nom. Then you do them, yeah. And then my whole mouth and flat smells like potpourri.

Right. Do you have anything else with you, by the way? No, that's it. Oh, that's fine. I'll quickly go through the last two, then. The last two candies. One is by a company called Sedrinca, made in Italy. They have 30% cranberry, and they're a kind of boiled sweet.

Oh, yeah, I remember this. With a cranberry gooey centre. Now, I really like these. I'm going to have another one right now. What do you think about them? Yeah, I mean, they've got this nice sort of cranberry flavour and the gooey centre. And a boiled sweet with a gooey centre, what more can i say you know it's a

dependable candy it's a dependable candy and it's an unusual flavor it is and you know unlike all of this cheap stuff that we sometimes eat which is these horrible chalky you know with different colors but there's no differentiation in flavor and all of these you know nasty stuff we've tasted over the years those do actually have a distinct cranberry taste. They do. I'm sucking on it now. It's nice. It's not the strongest cranberry flavour.

It doesn't overwhelm the palate. The amplitude is not quite there, to borrow a phrase. But I will say this about them. Very nice, very chewy. You couldn't have too many because they're very sweet. But they come wrapped in this little kind of wrapper, which you think is fair enough, this kind of non-stick wrapper. But then the candy itself is wrapped in this tinfoil thing, which it is completely stuck to.

And it's got bits of tinfoil on. So now I'm sucking this candy, and I'm sucking bits of metallic paper at the same time. Yeah, and it gives it that nice frisson of electric shock. Yeah, my fillings are not enjoying that right now. I'm just thinking, why not just put it in the original wrapper? Why does it have to go the extra mile and stick some tinfoil on it? It's an outrage. It's an outrage.

So I'm going to give that a seven. That's a nice candy. I recommend that. The Senrika Cranberry Boiled Red Candy Sweet, 100% natural. And it's a six from me on those. Okay. All right. all right good good good and finally um sour power sorts now these are like strawberry laces but they come in a variety of flavors they're strawberry green apple raspberry and tutti frutti and i have a blue one which for some reason blue is the universal color of raspberry it certainly is yes never

understood that well they could got to differentiate between red which is strawberry don't they yeah but why not go for like two red ones and one strawberry one raspberry would you purple purple is grape oh well yeah you see now grape ruins it for everyone grapes could be green and purple well now you'd never get green grape sweets not Not in this culture. No, not in American culture. They see their grapes as purple and purple only. Purple only. I remember those as being a bit underpowered on the whole sour end. It's the thing.

I'm trying one now. Oh, the raspberry one. Very sweet. Flavour's not great. Not very sour at all. In fact, there's no sour to it. It's just got that sugary sherbet on. Yeah.

Completely fine, but God, no. No, there's no sour there. You know's just got that sugary sherbet on. Yeah. Completely fine, but God, no. No, there's no sour there. You know me. I like my sour candy. Yeah. When it's lacking in the sour, I can't help but dock it a fair few points. Okay. So what would you say for those?

Five middle-of-the-road candy there. I'm going to actually try the Tutti Frutti one, which is yellow, which I guess makes sense. Because I didn't try the Tutti Frutti one last time, and I want to see what they think tutti frutti tastes like so i'm gonna get tutti frutti tutti frutti i don't know it's a very good question i don't know what the legal definition of tutti frutti is let me try this now judging by this it tastes a little bit of pineapple yeah that's about it it's exotic isn't it it's a lemony kind of thing, I don't know, with a bit of pineapple. Again, not very sour. Five then, yeah?

What are those called again? They are called the Sour Power Sorts. You see? With a Z on the end of sorts. Yeah, Sour Power should be called Sour Sort of Hint. Yeah, that's it. You're right. They should say Suggestion of Sour. Yeah. Sour for should be called sour sort of hint. Yeah, that's it. You're right. They should say suggestion of sour.

Yeah. And actually. Sour for pussies. Oh, here we go. Tutti Frutti. What is the flavour of Tutti Frutti? I've done the research. It's coming in hot off the presses.

Tutti Frutti from the Italian, which means all fruits, is a culinary confectionery containing various chopped and unusually flav flavored candied fruits or an artificial created flavoring simulating the combined flavors of many different fruits there you go so mostly for ice cream yes so it doesn't really answer that really it just says it's a candied fruit mix isn't it essentially yeah well there you go we haven't really answered that but i'm going to give those what do i give it five yeah five? Yeah, five's honest. Five as well. Yeah. So what was our top snack from this American selection?

I think we're both going to have to maybe agree on the Cheetos, aren't we? Yes, Cheetos. I mean, that's why they're a world leader. Yeah. They're a world-leading brand. They make a good snack. They do make a good snack. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. And at some point, we're going to have to do a hot food challenge where we're going to have to find the hottest food we can find. I'm up for it. And see where they go between pleasurable and hot and then just unpleasant and overly, powerfully hot. I'm so ready for that. I think that's what our listeners deserve. Yeah. To hear us hurting ourselves.

Yes. I think if anyone's listening to this and they can recommend anything hot, a snack, a food type. We're not going to do chilies. That's ridiculous because chilies are hot. We know that. We're looking for flavored hot snacks. Okay. That has to do chillies, that's ridiculous because chillies are hot. We know that. We're looking for flavoured hot snacks. Okay.

That has to be the remit, I think. I think that's a good remit. I think that's wise. I think we can go up towards maybe like spicy chicken wings, maybe.

We can maybe do that. I could do that. So that's our remit. If you've got any ideas, get in touch with us on the Cheap Show website and stuff and, you know,

find us on Twitter at the Cheap Show. Right, that's it we've uh now contractually obliged ourselves in filling in the gap in the show that we uh that i fucked up on okay so back to the show back to the more nice sounding show we're back in the room and eli and I like to go to charity shops and, you know, peruse and find mystic treasures, don't we? I love a charity shop treasure. I think, though, we may have been usurped.

There's a guy on YouTube whose channel's called Original Vlogger 80s Weird Paul. No relation. He's a guy who goes to thrift stores. That's American for charity shop. Yeah, thrift stalls. And buys hauls and comes back with his treasures. And I found one of his videos and I thought, you know what we should do? Evaluate his evaluations.

Let's have a look at this. Let's have a look at this. You can see Paul there. He's got a delightful haircut. He looks like he's in some kind of cult. Yeah. I like the fact that he's got original vlogger on, but he can't substantiate that fact. What's an original vlogger?

Like one of the first wave of vloggers? Yeah, like the original OG vlogger, yo. He's one of those guys. I like the fact that his haircut is half monk, half monkeys. It is. He's got a bowl head. He's got a bowl head. But it's also got the kind of Mersey B, like, bowl head thing going on.

He's got the mop top going there. And he's also got what I describe as a pedo's tash. Yeah. Yeah. mop top going there and he's also got uh what i describe as a pedo's tash yeah yeah so this is from march 19 not 1916 this is from march 2016 this year let's see what he's found this month it's time once again for my monthly thrift store score video now already you're thinking too over eager yeah really creepy he's creepy i kind of wonder how affected that is, how he's leaning into this weird look he's got. I think he's trying to play up the weird, isn't he? If that was his Tinder profile picture, swipe next. You're not looking into his, you're not interested.

Well, it takes all sorts, doesn't it? Anyway, let's see what he's got for us. Today, we'll take a look at my thrift store haul from March of 2016. Everything you see in this video is purchased at a thrift store, unless I say otherwise. Yeah, unless I say otherwise. Get it right. So, what if it isn't, then it doesn't fit? He says, you know, he's making sure that everyone knows the parameters of his investigation. Okay.

Alright. I'm with this. I like this. I'm looking forward to the rest of this. Alright, good. Almost everything in the video was $. I like this. I'm looking forward to the rest of this. All right, good. Almost everything in the video was $1 or usually less. Ooh. Oh, that's good. Let's start off today

with miscellaneous. I got a whole bunch of new magnets. That's it. Those are cool. Oh, they're all right then. Let's have a look at them. A lot of these

are various products or companies. He's got Crest. He's got Hush Puppies. Sparkle, whatever that is. And Simply Goodness. That's got to be fruit juice or something like that. Yeah, that is because it He's got Hush Puppies. Sparkle, whatever that is. And a toothpaste. And Simply Goodness.

That's got to be fruit juice or something like that. Yeah, that is, because it's an apple with a top on it. Yeah, I like the Crest one because it's in the shape of the bottle of toothpaste you get. Tube. Tube of toothpaste. Yeah. I was excited to get these Isley's magnets, a Pittsburgh company famous for their Klondike ice cream bars. Wow.

There's also an egg and a cartoon owl. Now, I've seen those eggs. I've seen those eggs before, yeah. See before yeah so i thought egg magnets yeah after last week the owl might have piqued your fancy there in his collection but i'm guessing you're on the eggs this time well it's yeah i like the eggs and there's uh yeah this is great got some puffy guys great puffy uh stickers there as well oh those are the ones with they're slightly uh foaming them so they'll kind of stick out plus three vintage 1974 Puffy magnets. Puffy.

A Duesenberg J, Renault, and a Phonix Daimler. It's not Renault. I also got stickers of Scooby-Doo, Dora, Winnie the Pooh,

Lady and the Tramp, and Hello Kitty. Now, if I walked into that man's house and saw that paraphernalia, I'd think, let's call the police. Yeah.

Let's worry about a guy who's got way too many Dora the Explorer, Winnie the Pooh And Disney stickers Half used sticker packs Just lying around Yeah

He's buying anything He buys it It's a haul isn't it But listen Now that we're on Hello Kitty Can we just clear this up Yeah Is Hello Kitty a cat

Yeah Is it female Yeah I don't want to do the research On Hello Kitty right now Is that alright Well I'll tell you Yeah

It's not a cat And it's a guy. It's a guy called Mr. Smith. This is where I have to look it up now and go off one of the Gannon tangents. Hello Kitty, what does it say? Fictional character produced by Japanese company Sanrio. Blah, blah, blah.

Shortly after her creation in 1974, Hello Kitty greeted the world with a hello on her first product. It doesn't say anything about what you're saying. It doesn't. Look, look, there you go. Push it back. Push it down. What? That's what you... Shut up. Character background. Where does it say anything about it being...

Kitty. Hello Kitty's portrayed with a large family with the surname White. Yeah? Where does it say that? There. Oh, okay. White. Her twin sister Mimi. Mimi White is her... Suscribed as shy and very girly. Alright, okay, why? Her twin sister, Mimi. Mimi White is a... It's described as shy and very girly. All right, but it doesn't say anything about it being a bloke. It's a bloke, believe me.

It's not. It isn't human. She's not quite a cat either. Sanrio further stated, Hello Kitty was born... She isn't human, she's not a cat. In the motif of a cat, it's going too far to say that Hello Kitty is not a cat.

So it's this weird in-between cat and human thing. It's a trans kitty cat. It's a weird thing, mate. It's a weird thing. Hello Kitty also has a pet hamster called Sugar. How can a cat have a pet? That's a fucking rabbit hole. Who's a hamster?

We're not going down that. There's no need. There's absolutely no need. And what's the hamster called? Sugar Monster? No, just Sugar. It was a gift from a friend. You're a fucking idiot.

You're an idiot. Let's watch this guy. Come on. I like his stickers. You're a fucking idiot. You're an idiot. Let's watch this guy. Come on. I like his stickers. I love not being you. But the prize was this. That was him reading a card, by the way. Not a comment on us.

That sounded like him responding and saying, I'm the don of charity shop stuff. But the prize was this 1979 Kellogg's Sugar Smacks Dig'Em sticker trading card. Wow. It was a series of all 50 states. I found North Dakota. Wow. Mate, I love this. I want... I want all of those.

Wow. You're loving this, actually, aren't you? I absolutely love this in an unironic and open-hearted way. Look at those erasers he's got. They're great. The dim sum one was actually really impressive. I'll give you that. That shoe one. I want one of those shoe ones.

Let's see what else he's got. In this pen, it says, Greetings from your teacher. I also got this coaster. It's from the Alexandria, Virginia bar, Bilbo Baggins. I couldn't verify if it's vintage, but it looks old. What are midget widgets?

It's a very good question. I love this guy. What are midget widgets? He's going to tell us, I think. Let's find out. Well, there are a couple of little hand-painted Santa Clauses. We need to get in touch with this guy. Seems like painting them must have been a real pain in the ass. I also got this bag of 23 balloons. But these aren't just any

balloons. On one side they say, just say no. Excellent. Anti-drug balloons. He just goes in and indiscriminately buys anything. Bag of balloons would just say no. That's fine. No, come on. This is all quality stuff. If I was doing, you know,

Price of Shite, and I saw any of this stuff, I'd snap it up. We'd have a lovely episode talking about that stuff. All right, here we go then. On the other side, Hills. Hills was one of my teenage hangouts,

and they all closed in 1999. These are rare. One of the hardest things to find at thrift stores are vintage video games. There aren't that many of them, and everyone wants them. Now I'm interested. So I was pretty excited to find this. A joystick. A 1982 Wicco Command Control Joystick for the Atari 2600.

Are you familiar with that? It works great, and it cost me 75 cents. What? That's good. I also got the April 2013 issue of Mad Magazine and four invisible ink books. I loved doing these when I was growing up. Do you remember those? Yeah.

Let's move on to DVDs. It was a pretty dry month. I got the Muppet movie and the best of Benny Hill. Benny Hill! Yay! He keeps popping up, doesn't he? He does keep popping up.

He must have been excited about that purchase. I think Benny Hill was hated by the alternative scene. It got old fast. In the 80s. But it's quite funny, some of it, isn't it? I like it when he pats that bald guy's head. Double feature. I also got these VHS tapes

for between a dime and a quarter each. And just for qualification, they are films like Striptease, Mr. Mom, Half Moon Street, and Gorky Park. Nice. Nice haul. Rush Live and Exit Stage Left. And Rush drummer Neil Peart's

double tape set, A Work in Progress. Wow, that's awful. I collect Vestron releases, and I got Mr. Mom, Gorky Park, and The drummer Neil Peart's double-tape set, A Work in Progress. Wow, that's awful shit. I collect Vestron releases, and I got Mr. Mom, Gorky Park, and The Care Bears movie. Also, Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip, Harlow, starring one of my favourite actresses, Carol Baker, and Half Moon Street with Michael

Kane and Sigourney Weaver on the Embassy label. Two thumbs up. Two MGM gatefolds of Victor Victoria and Showboat, plus an old CBS Fox draw box of the Comineros. Yeah. I didn't realise that you had those. Yeah, it was just a whole thing to sell VHS in a slightly more sparkly way. That's nice.

Yeah, it's what it is. And last but not least, Strip T is with Demi Moore. You're fucking... Oh, I've got that on VHS. Oh, you don't see a minge, but you see a tit. Do you? Yeah.

I did wank to that film, though. You wanked to that film. It's very hard what you got. After embarrassing me with the smell of my poo-poo, trying to say, Eli's poo smells bad. Thanks, Paul. Yeah.

Who's in a relationship here, yeah? Me. Right, and who's not? Demi Moore. Who's not? Who's not? You, apparently. How am I going to get one?

Not by you saying my poo smells bad. What, you wank off to Demi Moore? Brilliant. The hard part was, though, is that in the scene I was jostling myself to, it kept cutting back to Burt Reynolds. And so I had to time it right. That's always a wood killer, isn't it?

I was coming at the right moment and not fucking Burt Reynolds' grisly old face. Is he dead yet? No. Spoilers. I came grizzly old face. Is he dead yet? No. Spoilers. I came when I saw his face. Anyway. The unrated version.

Oh, how kinky. Also came home with this Video 8 tape of someone's baby footage. That's creepy. That's creepy. That's what Dollar Hyde does in Red Dragon. Does he? Yeah, he worked in a video store place

that was transferring tapes and that's how he got to know the insides of people's houses because they saw their home security based on their videos. To buy a tape randomly from a drift shop. Just to watch someone's baby.

Let's move on now from video to audio. I got a stack of classic 8-track tapes. Alive 2 by Kiss. Double Vision by Foreigner. Passin' Through by The James Gang. Occupation Fool by George Carlin. Fandango and Trey Ombres by ZZ Top. Plus, Shoot Out at the Fantasy Factory by Traffic.

I only scored one cassette in March, and it was the We Are The World album. Not so good. But I got all of these CDs for 50 cents or less each. Frank Zappa, Overnight Sensation, Busta Rhymes, Extinction Level Event, Rev It Up by Vixen, The Beastie Boys, Check Your Head,

Queenstrikes Empire, Marvin the Album by Frente, Legend by Lynyrd Skynyrd, Memorabilia by Mark Almond and Soft Cell, and Dare to Be Stupid and Bad Hair Day by Weird Al. Hey, Paul, Weird Al. It's the thing. It's like, I like the fact that he just buys anything without prejudice.

Yeah. There's no taste here. There's no kind of, I like this, I'm getting these. It's like, that's good, I love that, that's all right, I love that. The thing is, his house looks like an episode of Hoarders. I like this guy. Yeah, I know you do. I like this guy.

What else has he got for us? I also found one of the coolest examples of CD packaging ever. This Peeping Tom CD opens by pulling the cover to the right. Now for March's vinyl scores. Oh, this is where we're going to get good now. Eli's firming up. He's got a fucking... Chub on.

He's got a nice chub on. It's peaking. Let's push it over the edge. Johnny Cash at San Quentin. Beautiful copy for 33 cents. Lots of soundtracks. Live and Let Die. Pal Joey.

Hold On by Herman's Hermits. Old radio recordings of Sherlock Holmes. We drink Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. Comedy pianist Victor Borges' Fairy Tales. A Chubby Checker twist record. The Monkees' Headquarters. And a Flatt & Scruggs two-record set, but only one record was in it.

I also got a Picture Sleeve 45. Flatt & Scruggs are good, you know. Say what? Flatt & Scruggs. I don't know anything about it. It's like that kind of country instrumental stuff. We're going down to the basement. No, but they don't sing.

They don't sing. It's just sort of banjo. Yeah, it's great. It's good stuff very good all right okay what else you got that in his in his in his final seven inch there i think here's a few more records that i did not get at a thrift store i got them at a used bookstore blondie heart of glass debbie harry french kissing and rush rush from scarface i only want to be with you by Samantha Fox and the Kinks Come Dancing. And I got this picture disc.

Jingle Bears on Teddy Bear Picture Records. Based on Jingle Bells. No, really? Is it? Let's find out what it sounds like. Jingle Bears Jingle Bears Jingle all the way Now, played

slower, that's nightmare fuel. That is nightmare fuel. And that brings us to toys and games. Oh. At some thrift stores, you can find grab bags of small toys even though there's recent junk in most of the bags i always look carefully to find the best bag i knew that i wanted this bag because i saw that there was a 1981 keep on singing ziggy figurine inside of it that's so cool other cool stuff in there included this small inflatable guitar these t-rex 3d glasses angry birds shooter this is all so cool it's not cool

it's interesting no cool is like i found this album by a dead artist and it's really rare not here's walter and scrags and fucking good old boys twangy time that is cool all right okay what else you got whoopee cushion a rubber biscuit biscuit, two California Highway Patrol frisbees, some vintage gumball machine prizes, and a 1991 die-cast metal tailspin plane featuring Kit. This was a Happy Meal prize from McDonald's. Mont. You are really fucking into this.

I really like this guy. Oh, my God. Apart from the hair and the whole thing with his hair. And the slightly kiddy-fiddly attitude. He has not. How has he got a kiddy-fiddly attitude? He buys toys and kids' stuff and keeps them in his hoard attic

for pain moments of his life. That's okay. He rolls naked in his findings. He can be into whatever he likes to be into as long as he's not harming anyone else. All right. As a stamp collector, I really appreciate this 1973 octagonal-shaped

postage-paid jigsaw puzzle from springbok wow i grew up doing lots of puzzles like this one and it's only about 500 pieces and i got a 1985 family feud game for 65 cents yeah that's good oh look here's a 70s deck of stro's beer playing cards unfortunately they're not all there maybe I could substitute in some of these other random cards? I also got three X-Men trading cards and one 1996 Geodude card. It's from the Japanese version,

Pocket Monsters. Even though it's not vintage, I still wanted this Wooly Willy that I got for a quarter. Now, he is talking about a man he met outside the shop. Now, have you seen those Woolywillies? Yeah, it's the little magnet thing where you put a beard on someone's face. Those are pretty cool, aren't they?

Yeah, look, that one there looks like you. I thought it looked like you in that video. What, with the big red nose? Yeah, the drunken big red nose and the unkempt hair and beard and the look of disdain and hopelessness in his eyes. That's you. What, that's me? Yeah. I haven't had one of these since I was a kid in the 70s. Ayo! disdain and hopelessness in his eyes. That's you. That's me.

I haven't had one of these since I was a kid in the 70s. Hey, y'all! Shut up. Okay, everybody ready? Because now it's time for the find of the month. On the last day of March, I got all three of these vintage board games in one thrift store trip for just $2 each. Fuck me.

The 1984 Baby Smurf game from Milton Bradley. Fuck me. Okay. Okay. I see what you mean now. What? About him being a bit fiddly. Funny enough, that game called Hugger Bunch gave the police a bugger hunch. Shut up. We've heard that you've been

buggering people. Oh, yeah. There's been a rumour. Comedy gold. And the 1984 Cabbage Patch Kids hide and seek-seek game from Milton Bradley. Pick a card from the deck of kids. Then, as they descend into the cabbage patch, try to be the first to find a match. I got everything that you saw in this video for about $24.

I can't pay my rent this month. He can. You think? Yeah, look. I don't know. That house looks sketchy. It looks like the kind of house that when someone's been arrested for being a serial killer, that's what they find in his place of residence.

So when did this video come out? March 2016. Okay. He's cool. I like this. I hope that you enjoyed seeing this month's thrift store haul. If you did, don't forget to click on the like button down below. I'll see you soon with more memories.

Thanks, YouTube. Yeah. Thumbs up. Th. Thanks, YouTube. Yeah, thumbs up. Thumbs up, motherfucker. Yeah, so if you want to check him out, he has more stuff like that. His house must be a death trap or what they call

a Collier's Mansion. Do you know what a Collier's Mansion is? No. Collier's Mansion is a term that firefighters in America give to houses that are stuffed full of crap

and hoarders. Because there were two guys in New York called the Collier Brothers and they were hoarders and mega rich and they never left their house for years

and when they finally got into the house it was just mountains of books and tabs and everything so they call it a Collier's Mansion as a result

I did not know that it's good that so what they were rich yeah but elusive just in their house yeah they found one of them

dead under a pile of books and things like that yeah yeah yeah there's a really interesting story about it if you check it up on Wikipedia. But for now, original vlogger, 80s weird Paul, living up to his name.

We are not worthy. We are not worthy. That was just some great, great, great stuff there. You two should get a room. Right, to end, I've got another charity shop challenge, something that I found in a charity shop. This week, I have found the Call My Bluff book.

Now, Eli, explain to people who might not know what Call My Bluff is. Call My Bluff was a television programme. Excellent work. From the... I think BBC. Yeah, BBC television game. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, and someone would come on

and pretend... No, that spots my line'm wrong and someone would come on and pretend... No, that spots my line. Yeah. What was Call My Bluff? Call My Bluff was where there was two teams and they were given a word and they both described

the definition of that word differently. So it was kind of like... One was correct definition and one was a bluff, a made up definition. There were two bluffs and one real definition

and it was up to the other team to fiddle out what was the... Not fiddle out, find out. It it was up to the other team to fiddle out what was the... Not fiddle out, find out. It's called fiddle out. Yeah, fiddle out. God, you've got fiddling on your brain. I blame Weird Paul, all right? With his child catcher dungeon.

So, yeah. So, basically, you had to guess what the real definition of a word was, and they would give you three options, and you had to guess. So, the book is delightful. It was 65p when it came out originally. Ooh. It's been compiled by Frank Muir and Patrick Campbell, who I believe were the team captains of both teams at the time.

And how much did you pay for it? I paid 50p. Well, so it hasn't gone down that much in price, has it? Not all that much, no. There are all kinds of crazy things in this. Definitions of words for you to guess. Real words that you just don't see anymore. It's a bit like a kind of daft little dictionary,

a QI-ish kind of thing. And we're going to play each other. Well, yeah, we'll do two little different games. I'm going to beat you at something again. If you have to define the success in your life over how many small, piddling games you can beat me in in our podcast, then that's fine.

I do. If that helps you sleep at night. It does. After rubbing your tummy stick. Stop. Everything's wanking with you. Not everything. Not everything.

Everything is wanking. You know, I touch the Cheetos and I have to rub it on my wanky stick. I fucking everything. You're always trying to encourage me to touch my John Nob in. So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you a word. And then I'm going to give you... And then I wank, do I?

Yeah. And then I'll have a fucking wank. Yeah. Right. I'm going to give you a word. Three definitions. You tell me what the real definition is, okay? Wanking.

No. My tummy sticks all hard. Shut up. The word today is hickboo. Yeah, hickboo. H-I-C-K-B-O-O. Hickboo. Hickboo.

So definition A. A hickboo is a form of silencer that single-ease mothers fit to their babies. I don't know what single-ease is. Mothers in Singapore? National, yeah. I don't know. Anyway, single-ease mothers fit to their babies. It is a short, thickish stick that serves as a dummy, gag and toothing stick

That sounds horrific When was this book published? This was probably like the late Maybe late 70s, early 80s It's a stick to control your childhood 1972 Yeah Anyway, so

Kind singleese mummies Cut their hick boos from sugar bamboo Which transforms them into lollipops. Still a lollipop that is gagging you and is attached to your head. You are effectively still sticking a piece of tree in a baby's mouth and saying, shut it! Shut it! Okay, but that might not be the right definition. Might not be. It might not be.

So the other one is B. A hick-boo, in the language of the United States of America, was what they would now call a non-event. Non-events which take place frequently in the modern world, and those events which, overpuffed in advance by the press, radio and TV, prove to be a dreary anti-climax when they actually happen. Typical Hicboos include the Catering, Trade and Convenience Food Equipment Manufacturers Beauty Queen competition, and the Honours List.

So that's that. You know, like the Oscarsars they're hiccups yeah it's the 78th oscars who's gonna win you know if you're a beautiful actor or actress and you play someone with a wonky leg or mouth oscar gold oscar gold and number three is hiccup here is a word of nostalgic memory to all those readers who recall the zeppelin raids of world war one oh Oh, those great raids when we were at war. You all remember them. It bombed my house. I love it.

They're so pretty. As the ominous silver cigar appeared in the sky or a squadron of gothers was sighted, loud cries of, Hick Boo, you chaps, were heard in the Royal Flying Corps. And up went the Sopwith Pups, the SE-2s and similar frail aircraft in hot pursuit. Hick boos are a slang word for the air raid and did not survive the First World War. Baloney. That one's definitely false. That's such a British definition, isn't it?

I just don't think. So I'm thinking it's probably, I'm going to go for the non-event. You're going to say it's the non-event. It is the anti-climax. So, for instance, maybe in your case, I had sex last night and it was a hick-boo. Yeah. Then I had to wank and I farted.

Am I right? So what you say, B. Yeah. Hick-boo is C. The name for a Zeppelin during the Second World War. Wow, I was totally wrong. Or First World War, even. World War I.

So there you go. How fascinating is that? So do I do one for you now? Well, I got one that I picked out. Not because I've seen the answer, because I generally haven't, but because I want to see if I can get it, because I'm a bit of a Sherlock Holmes person. Is it about Sherlock Holmes?

Basically, from what I understand, having a quick read, there are three paragraphs for it. They're from Sherlock Holmes person. Is it about Sherlock Holmes? Basically, from what I understand, having a quick read, there are three paragraphs for it, they're from Sherlock Holmes. Only one of them is a real paragraph from a book. Okay, shall I read these? Yeah, and I assure you, I have not found the answer out to this. I just saw it when I opened it up just two minutes ago and thought, I want to have a crack at this. Okay, so one of these is actually from The Dancing Men by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

You've read them all, I take it? I have read them all, yeah. Do you remember? I think The Dancing Men is the one where it's like codes on someone's centre code that has stick men that are all in dancing positions, and it's a code to count down to when their death is going to happen, I think. Okay. I think.

So, it's one of these three paragraphs. Okay. This is paragraph eight. Now, remember, you're an actor, so sell these. It was a wild, tempestuous night towards the close of October 1894. All day, an equinoctial gale had raged through Baker Street, beating against our windows like some malevolent spirit bent upon invasion of our cosy sanctuary. At every gust...

Sounds very suspect. At every gust, the very house itself seemed to quake and cower before the fierce onslaught of nature. Is it that one, or is it this one? B. Holmes had been seated for some hours in silence, with his long, thin back curved over a chemical vessel in which he was brewing a particularly malodorous product.

That's what you wear in the toilet. Ow! Ow! It hurts to laugh, but it's worth it. Are you finished now? Yeah. His head was sunk upon his breast

and he looked, from my point of view, like a strange lank bird with dull grey plumage and a black topknot. He had a black topknot? Yeah. That's very trendy, isn't it?

Hipster topknot. Well, Sherlock Holmes and Watson were only in their early 30s during these stories. Now, is it that one or is it C? All right. If you had to pick out the first two, where would you be? So far, B, because I think the first one's far too flowery for Arthur Conan Doyle. I'd have to agree with you, therefore. I'd have to agree with you. But. I'd have to agree with you.

But C might clinch it. Yeah, exactly. We just don't know. Give me C. So this is C. I observe, Watson, said he suddenly, that your barber is left-handed, plays the cornet, and walks with a limp. I stared at him, amazed.

But how could you possibly know that? I cried. Because I saw you walk out of your barber's, you fuck. You're done. Come on, sorry. With twinkling eyes, he reached for the old clay pipe with which he rounded off his working day with a nice bowl full of crack.

Elementary, my dear Watson, said he. Right. So that's got the famous... Yeah, but it was never called that in the book. It was always called the 1% solution or whatever it was called. What, the cocaine? Yeah, it was always deferred to in some kind of a bleak manner. His 1% solution was there sitting on the blah, blah, blah.

And he did a massive veil of it and then went off. And went fucking bonker crazy smack up time. Smacking around. Okay, so is it A, it was a wild, tempestuous night? No. B, Holmes had been seated for some hours in silence? Or C, I observe, Watson, said he suddenly, that your barber is left-handed,

plays the cornet and walks with a limp? I'm going to stick with B. That sounds like the most underplayed, dour Arthur Conan Doyle description. Okay, so you're saying it's B. You are correct. Oh! Oh!

I'm very good at this stuff. You are. You're good at what? You're good. I am. I know my Holmes. So you weren't fooled by the elementary, my dear? No, because that was just stuck in there for a construct.

Yeah, what a load of bullshit. Well, we've had fun there, haven't we? Yes, I've learned how intelligent I am. And I'm going to now have a lovely tug of my junk. Oh, God. What? Oh, anyway, that was Cheap Show, episode 25. Shall I do the sign-off?

Yeah, go on. Rub it! Save it. Join us next time on the podcast. If you like what you hear, go to thecheapshow.co.uk for our website and designated pages with pictures and videos to accompany what you've heard today. Also go to Twitter and Facebook and look for us there.

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not they're all lovely and now go fuck yourself there you go ladies and gentlemen we've been cheap show goodnight go ladies and gentlemen we've been cheap show good night