CheapShow - Ep 258: Banjo Twang

Episode Date: November 26, 2021

What would you do if you had agonising back pain and you couldn't concentrate because of said ailment? In Paul's case, he decides to press on with a podcast recording. This may not be the best plan, especially when Eli is in another of his "moods". In amongst the screaming laughter and the laughter induced screams, the Cheap Chaps still manage to make another episode! This week, there is some unfinished business at The Froth Shop when Paul & Eli finally finish off the range of Candy Can drinks. We can also promise that this edition of Silverman's Platters may contain the most awkward, awful disco track ever! It will truly curdle the soul... And that's before we tackle yet another 80s comedy novelty hit from Saturday morning TV's favourite double act. No, the other one. Crack out the pain killers everyone, CheapShow's at it again, mother!! See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-258-banjo-twang And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

You like the noise of my dirty little mouth, Mechs? You like that noise? No, no, no. I'm doing the intro. Oh, you're doing the fucking intro. You said cold open. Does this count? This is the cold open.

Are we doing the voices now? Stop. Stop. What? What are you saying? Just stop. Why? Hello, my name's Paul Gannon and this is Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast.

We go through the bargain bins, the pound shops, and charity shops of Great Britain and look for the treasure we find amongst the trash. We've got a great show lined up for you today. We've got a quick trip to the froth shop and why it's Silverman's Platters. We look at some interesting records and amusements. So come on, join us. Why not for this week's episode of Cheap Show?

Join us. Why don't you? Absolutely not. That's fine. We've done the intro now. No. Join us, why don't you? Absolutely not. That's fine. We've done the intro now. No, we don't need you. Fuck you. We don't need the intro now.

This is the professional intro that we're going to do from now on. That was not professional. I have several questions about your so-called professional... Don't have any time for questions. Firstly... Don't have any time for questions. Not a question. It's not a question.

It's a statement. Gotta move on. I don't have time for statements, questions... It's a statement. ...musements, theorems. Right, I'm not doing the rest of the show. I'm walking out. Excellent.

Welcome to Cheap Show, the Paul Gannon show where I go through the pants of Paul Gannon and pull out some treasure I find amongst the pubic trash. Thank you. I've ruined it meself. I got excited. I'm sorry, Eli. Come back. Can I have my statements or questions about your intro now? Will they

fit into 15 seconds? Yes. Go. One. You didn't mention bazaars, jumble sales or discount stores. Yes. Go. One. You didn't mention bazaars, jumble sales, or discount stores. Eleven. Two. You said on Silverman's platters there'd be... Seven.

Fuck you! I'll count down to my dick in your fucking nose. That's what... This is what... Welcome to Cheap Show, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to introduce my helmet.

Welcome to Cheap Show. I've said welcome to Cheap Show. There'll be no more banter. The meters will be in line with the nostril for good spoojage. Oh, that's nothing. That's nothing. Well, you wouldn't let me say amusements, you said. What amusements?

We haven't got any fucking amusements. We've only got records on platters. That's what they are. You said records and amusements. I said welcome to Cheap Show and that's it. Paul, I won't just finish on this one thing, and I will finish here, okay? Go on.

Neither myself or the whole listenership were convinced by your fucking cod professional bit. Yeah, well, it's a bit hard to when I have a gibbering ape

as a co-host who just wants to chip in with every single piece of mind garbage that trickles out of his slop tongue. All right? So how about you shut up

and let me just say, welcome to Cheap Show. It's not. It's not a good intro, is it? You're right. It's not. It's not, is it? It's not, is it?

Can I ask you something? It's not. This show's ruined. Can I just ask? This show's ruined. I want to ask one thing. No, this is three minutes. I just want to ask one thing.

Three minutes of a cold open. I want to ask one thing. Can we start again and do it again? Can we do it? I think we should. We never do. No, I think we fucking should. We never will and we do it i think we should we never do i think we never will and we can't this moving on ladies and gentlemen please welcome to cheap show

i hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles it's just a fact of Cheap Show You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap Show Cheap Show Cheat Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman.

Welcome to Cheat Show. And I go and I nuzzle. No, but honestly, Paul, welcome. Welcome. Welcome in to this podcast where, as I pathetically tried to say at the beginning, we go through Poundlands, Bazaars. Oh, fucking Poundlands. You see, why do you start with that?

Can I just do it? I like to mix it up. I like to say we go through charity shops, discount stores, jumble sales and pound stores. Did you say charity shops? Yes, that was the first thing I said. I've got a charity shop blind spot in my head today. You do have a charity shop blind spot in your head. Weird. I'm Paul Gannon and I'm joined as ever by my

special guest, Mr. Eli Silverman. It's great to be on the show, Paul. Thank you for inviting me back. We've been trying to get you on for a while and it's such a pleasure because I've heard a lot about you online. that you're famous for fat sal the star of uh the polybius heist you've got so many strings to your bow mr silverman i was just we just thought you'd be great for the show i've been after it for a few years not only do i have strings to my bow i also got a string bit banjo string on your cock end Yeah And if you twang it right

It gets a harmonic vibration So You know what It ends up with So Eli If you twang the string The banjo string And you get it to

The right frequency So it's going Yeah You know what happens Do you know what happens God No but can you guess what happens? God. No, but can you guess what happens?

You call. Yeah! Thank you. That's right. So, Mr. Silverman, thank you for coming on to the show this week. My pleasure. Tell us what you've got coming up, because I know you've got a few hot projects on the go. So what's coming up in the future?

Just tell our audience a little bit more about what you've got coming up. Well, I don't want to mention anything, but I've just got got an email from my agent and i've got a self-tape for some kind of soul crushing commercial fat cupid again i haven't looked because it's always naked ruins my day when i open the email and they go rules for self-taping read the whole of the bible back to front three takes of this one cunts yeah fuck off and can you do the third one wearing a nappy? Yeah. Get a nappy. It needs to be beshitted for this one, guys. Okay? Do you know what I mean?

Now, we really want to see real shit. Smear real shit all over your face. Three takes of this one. Okay, guys. Hey, make the fourth one your own. You do something for yourself in that one, right? Go out and buy a car. Yeah, for this self-tape, we need to go out to Harley Street

and get a really nice doctor. Why would you get a doctor? I was meant to say the other one. Savile Row. Savile Row and soup. I got confused. You get the doctor back. What's he doing?

He's like that. Procedures. He's like that. Procedures. You go buy a doctor. You know what my favourite procedure is? Snipping the banjo. Snip, snip on the

banjo skin. Why would you need to snap the banjo twang? To prevent cummage. To prevent the cummage. Well, it's great you've

decided to come on this week's episode of Cheap Show. No, really, it's a pleasure. So, thank you for joining us. All joking aside, it's

a real pleasure. Great. Have you listened to the show before? Out of interest I don't want to lie here but no no that's fair enough

so wonderful well we've got a couple of things lined up for the show today little joking aside and we hope you have fun on these segments can I ask yes

as it is what I want and my whim as a guest you can ask whatever you want and feel the weave on that yeah let's feel the weave on this let's weave this program

and feel the wharf and the weft of it. And say to you, and I say this to you now, as is my whim to do so. Shut up. Don't interrupt me. As is my weft and whim. What have we got coming up on the show today, Paul? Sally, when you speak to our agent, can you make sure we clarify who's booking our guests at the moment?

Because I'm not quite sure this guy's going to work out. Who's Sally? He's talking to his shirt. He's pinched his shirt and he's talking into the pinched portion of

his shirt. Yeah, Sally, if you could get on that and just find out who's booking. Do you want me to play Sally? We haven't discussed

this. Shall I be Sally? Okay, no worries. Thanks, Sally. Yeah, you too. Take care. Bye. So that was just our

booker. She organises the guests. You spoke to her via email to come on the show. Oh, yeah, it was great. She was very pleasant. Yeah, you too. Take care. Bye. So that was just our booker. She organises the guests. You spoke to her via email to come on the show. Oh, yeah, it was great. She was very pleasant. Yeah, I was just having a quick chat with her. Paul, but why would you have a chat with your booker, quotation marks,

whilst you were in the room with the guests? None of this makes sense. None of it makes sense. If I cut this out, then it makes sense. Right now at the moment, it would make sense, wouldn't it, when you think about it? If I actually cut this segment out, then it makes sense. Right now at the moment it would make sense, wouldn't it, when you think about it? If you actually cut this segment out then it makes sense.

If you actually were going to do some cutting though, Paul, we could just cut the whole of what we've done up to now because it was sub-par, it was sub-standard, I did a whole thing about the wharf and weft

of the show, didn't go anywhere and also I mentioned my dick. Can I just tell you what happened to me on the way into this podcast recording? You described this as two psycho encounters.

Well, it was two very unnerving ones in a row within like 10 minutes. So where did the first incident occur? Well, I thought I got here a little bit early. So I thought I'd get off at Wood Lane, right? It's called Wood Green. The name of that place is Wood Green. Wood Green. You can't ever get that right, can you?

I got off at Wood Green, and I walked up a little bit to that North London Hospice charity shop, right? Great shop, usually. Got some lovely things in there. And then? You got your watch in there. Yeah, the nice kind of fake red LED one by Diesel. Ah, Diesel.

It was only about, what, 20 quid? It was nice, yeah. Yeah, very nice. So I went to that one, I looked in the the window and as I'm looking in the window this guy at the corner of my eye just is standing staring at me and I kind of just go oh whatever and then he steps closer and then as I'm looking up I just turn

he looks at me and he goes like that he went and I didn't know how to react so I kind of just went and then walked in and then he walked in and then for a moment like he went somewhere else and I didn't know how to react, so I kind of just went, and then walked in. And then he walked in. And then for a moment, like, he went somewhere else, and I went and did look around. As I'm walking out, I just heard him. I didn't see him, but I just heard him go, like that. Kissy, kissy.

Kissy, kissy. And it was unnerving. Quite disturbing. Yeah. And then I get on the bus, and I get off a few, you know, stop near you. And as I get out, this fucking great big bike lock comes flying through the air, misses me by a little bit.

I bump into a woman. It clatters on the ground. And it's two fucking Deliveroo drivers having arguments on their bike and throwing things at each other. What? On the road? On the road. There's cars beeping

and these two fucking bikes, because they're both on little moped bikes, revving at each other. One guy throws his helmet. The other guy threw a, whatever you want to call it, crowbar type. Like a D-lock. Yeah. Through the air.

We were like, what the fuck? This woman starts going off on one, screaming. And I'm like, oh, what's going on? The world's gone mad. That is terrible. Terrible luck. So that was my journey. And I'm traumatized.

And me back hurts. And your back hurts. I'm in actual agony right now during the episode this episode we're doing well I've got painkillers here for you have you?

yeah do you want some Nurofen? yeah can we pause and I'll go get it no you get through the show I'm going to power through this

with pain I want everyone to know who's listening I think everyone can pick up on it the whole way you started you were very mean to me as usual in the last few episodes you've been fucking mean and you know not going that's not true I think everyone can pick up on it. The whole way you started, you were very mean to me as usual. No, I wasn't. I was trying to do a professional intro.

You've been fucking mean and, you know, not going with it. When I mentioned, you know, in the old days, I'd mention my banjo string. That'd be manna to you. That'd be joy to you. Oh, would it? You'd play my banjo string. That'd be sweet nectar to my ears, wouldn't it?

Yes, you would. You'd be off on a... What's that creamy thing the gods used to enjoy? You know what I mean? Angel Delight? No. No, it's similar, though. Yeah, I'll give you that.

It's similar. I don't know. Wasn't there a nectar of the gods and it was... That's manna. Ambrosia. Ambrosia. Yeah. Manna, I think, is a similar sort of concept.

It's to be covered In your Ambrosia It's also A popular brand Of custard Isn't it Yeah Oh mate Ambrosia

Yeah That's a great word Didn't they also make Bobbly custard What's it called Bobbly custard What's bobbly custard I don't think it's called that

Lumpy custard No it's Why is my brain Not working It's the stuff that Angel Delight No Bobbly, it's got, it's, it's, why is my brain not working? It's bubbly custard. Angel Delight? No, bubbly custard. Try it. Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy, lumpy custard. Lumpy custard. Lumpy creamy bit. Oh, come on. Trifle. No, get it in a tin. Right. And it's creamy, but rice pudding. Rice pudding. Rice pudding. Lumpy custard.

pudding. Lumpy custard. Lumpy custard. Oh, those lumps were actually grains. Didn't Ambrosia make Yes, that's what... Lumpy chum. What is going on? Yes, you're right, Paul. I think we're actually known for the rice pudding

more than the custard. But I think they do do just a smooth custard with no rice in it as well. Spread your ambrosia. Oh, you've said what's coming up on the show, haven't you? I once knew a girl called Ambrosia. Oh, yeah? Very creamy. No, come on. You can do better than that.

I once knew a girl called Ambrosia,. I can't. I actually can't. Once there was a girl called Ambrosia, and I put my gooch all over her. It's a rhyme. I didn't know that was a prerequisite. Gooch. There once was a girl called Ambrosia who was covered from her head to her toesia

in a light, creamy mist that only appeared when she's pissed and caused some no no i shouldn't have started that i didn't know where it was going with it and i thought i wing it oh in years to come they'll look at this they'll go look at the improv work here the way they're playing off each other the way anyone listen to this to study don't please don't we're the exception that proves a rule okay now paul we have we have serious business to get down to now yes okay and i think i distracted

you with the ambrosia thing yeah but it's okay it's okay what's another pot based product bovril no that's the more of a what's the other one marmite because that's named after the pot isn't it yeah but bovril... Or Bovril is. There's no pot called a Bov. Is there a... No, Bov comes from bovine, which means cow. Right, so then it's... Then it's the other one.

It's beef, crushed beef juice or whatever, isn't it? Beef tea. It's beef tea. Beef tea. You can get fish tea, you know. Yeah, fish tea.

In Jamaica, sometimes in Jamaica restaurants. No, she eats it of her own accord. She makes it out of her fanny. No, right. Come on. Maybe they make fish tea by putting a lady's fanny in hot water.

That is... Just the worst fucking thing. Why are you laughing? That's like a five-year-old says stop you know what i have to break the pattern you have to break the pattern yeah you get into a loop a rut in every episode i know where you find the little pit that you sink into and then you're locked in it this week it's either banjo strings or it's fishy fanny gags. And no, don't giggle. Oh, mate.

All right, just stop saying it then and I'll be okay. Fishy fanny banjo strings, eh? That's what's tickling you today, isn't it? He's fucking rolling around. Laughing at the phrase no that's just a highlight fishy fanny banjo strings no it's losing it now

it's losing its what if I turn it into a bit of a song da da da da da da oh fishy fanny banjo string fishy fanny banjo string tickling tickling

fishy fanny banjo string what comes out and bows don't don't don't I really wanted to join in there I know but we can't alright I really wanted to join in there.

I know, but we can't. All right. We've got to move on. Let's move on to actual content. Let's move on. Let's have some content. Oh, I've got a package. I have a big package that's been sent to the cheap show address. Oh, yeah.

I can see it there. It's very bulgy. What's in that? Well, it's well packed. I know that. It looks well packed. It looks like there's nice taping it looks like a neat handwriting on the on the uh address there it looks like there's a stamp pull yes it's a package look it's been nicely tied with a piece

of brown string old-fashioned brown string and the the nice brown packing tape all all smooth. I can feel it on the fingers. Oh, and it smells of old efficient rooms, desks, blotters, pens. Oh. Oh. Anyway. Open it. I'm going to open it now.

Oh. It's from Juicy Jeremy. There's a letter here. I'll tell you what. That's tobacco. I've got no paper. There. Donut wrapper.

Donut wrapper. I'll just get... Here's the letter. No, it sounds like a bag. Here's a fucking letter. Insert sound effects in your mind Right Oh there's a letter in it and some drinks

I'll read it out Dear boys It's been so long since I saw your lovely faces Especially you Paul You're my very special little boy Juicy Jeremy here, and I'm across the old pond, the old herring pond, as they used to say

when I was a kid. But anyway, I sure would be appreciative if you two could taste and rate the sody pops I've sent today. And Paul, if I could ask you to have a special extra helping of the banana one. Oh, the old jollipy's going again, so I'm going to get on me way and hit the road, the smell of haze in my nose. Loving you always, especially especially Paul you special little boy

signed Juicy Jeremy thought that'd be funnier right so so we are well I'm sorry I just improvised a letter from an imaginary person

right so I think I should get some fucking credit three drinks from Juicy Jeremy two off follow-ups two drinks we had not too long ago, a week or two, if that. Yes, we want to do the whole set

and then never, frankly, touch these again. Touch these muck again. These are, what are they called again? Well, they're from B&M, right? Haven't we? Did you say you found them somewhere else? They're in several places locally, so they must get sort of a general distribution

in North London, for example. They're a range of soft drinks based on sweet flavours, you know, like candy confectionery. So it's called Don't Eat It, Drink It. Yeah. Insert cop gag here,

but I think we did that. Also, don't you think that's like a terrible sort of slogan? Yes. That's the best they could do for this. It's like saying,

you fucking idiot, you don't eat this because it says marshmallow on it. Yeah, I know, it comes in a can, it's a drink. It's in a fucking can. I get it. Now, saying, you fucking idiot, you don't eat this because it says marshmallow on it. Yeah, I know it comes in a can, it's a drink. It's in a fucking can. I get it. Now,

Paul, we've got, what two do we have this week? We have the brand Candy Can and we had Candy Floss and Bubble Gum last time. That's the last, they were both very poor.

Yeah. And now, I prefer the Candy Floss slightly to the, the Bubble Gum. I can't remember. I think I preferred the Bubble Gum because I seem to remember the Candy candy floss tasting like very fake.

Yeah. They both were very poor. This week we are testing the other two. Sparkling marshmallow and sparkling birthday cake drink. Zero sugar, blah, blah, blah. Should we start with marshmallow? Have you ever enjoyed a zero sugar soda though? Because here's the thing.

I like my soda drinks, but I don't drink them as much as I used to, and that's a good thing. But if I'm going to have a soft drink, I don't want a no sugar one. I want the sugar taste. Yeah, I really do. Otherwise, I'll just have

sparkling water if I need the bubbles. I agree. I agree, and I can enjoy sparkling water sometimes. Yeah. Now, these are larger models than our last ones, aren't they?

No, same size. Like Monster. Did we say they were Monster cans? Yeah, like Monster-sized cans. Okay, they're all coming one size, then, yeah. This isn't one, by the way. Like monster did we say they were monster cans? Yeah you're like monster size cans. Okay they're all coming one size then yeah. This isn't one by the way. Very poor they were last time. Well they're like lager cans

really. That's monster it's slimmer than your average lager. Yeah but you know what I'm saying it's not coke though is what I'm saying. No. Right so let's try this as marshmallow it's going to be see through innit or maybe a bit cloudy. I'd say a bit cloudy like a pastel coloured marshmallow. I'm going to be mother for this one.

Okay, you be mum. Because you were mother last time. Okay, you be mum. Right, but you will get a huff. As it comes out. Here we go. Entering the huff zone. Oh, weird.

Let's have a little huff. I mean, it does have a marshmallow thing going on, but it's also, you can tell, you can sense the fake sugar thing. Yeah, there's a vanilla-y, which is the marshmallow-y thing.

They're all basically vanilla, all of these flavours, aren't they? Variations of sugar or vanilla. But haven't you got like an orange, like a Fanta orange at the top? Yeah. And that's what the problem was with the other ones we tasted. They had this sort of astringency, which you get, you know, that acidic sort of citrus-y thing, which doesn't mix with a sort of vanilla-y flavour.

No. Even in cream soda soda cream soda doesn't have much of that bite to it does it has a soft creamy yeah yes yeah yeah these seem to try and put some sort of astringency in do you know i'm getting at well they're trying to make it more like a like a seven up or sprite kind of thing but it can't be with those flavors and we're just anyway yeah it is a bit cloudy. A bit cloudy in that. Very much like a cloudy lemonade.

Like that bitter lemon kind of thing, isn't it? Yes, yeah. I nearly poured that on my leg because I had the spout out wrong. It just doesn't, it's not right. What it is,

it's a citrus note with the vanilla just seems to be. Yeah, that's it. It's that weird citrus note which kind of throws you off. Yeah. And then kind of drowns out

the marshmallow-y thing. Absolutely. Let's give it chin chin oh god it's got that horrible it goes flat quick doesn't it

yeah and it has got that horrible fake sugar aftertaste really bad aspartame or whatever but it's got I'll say this

I'll say this it does at least have an upfront marshmallow flavour which the other two really didn't have you could say unseen that that is marshmallow.

Yeah? Yeah, I guess so. That's what I would say for it. But just like those others, it has this watery end to it. Do you know what I mean? Where the flavour just dies in the mouth. Yeah. Suddenly, like it's dropped off a cliff.

Do you know what I mean? Big wave of it instantly goes left with the aftertaste. Nasty, chemically fake sugar aftertaste. Yeah. Nasty. Yeah, I'm going to have to rate that low again two out of five really bad I've got it yeah I

wouldn't I've got a flat C 5 yeah nasty next not quite as bad as the others no as far as I remember but I don't I wouldn't want to finish any one of these if I opened it can I

be like slurp no bin Paul this is something that I've wondered about when you talked about the flavour of marshmallow. Yeah. Marshmallows are like a sugar candy thing. Yeah. Fluffy sugar candy thing. Yeah. But isn't there a herb called a marshmallow or a plant?

There's a flower called a marshmallow. Well, have a look it up. You've got the internet. I'm doing it. What I will say is, I wonder if these would taste better if they had sugar in. Oh, undoubtedly. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, I don't know in what way but i can imagine you get more of a coca-cola but that's like to it there's no but then you're not they're trying to sell it as something like which is indulgent and sweet but doesn't don't worry about the calories don't worry about the calories exactly so the next one we have is sparkling birthday cake i don't know

what that suggests maybe icing sugar yeah see marshmallow it's a flower okay fair enough i don't know what came first though what came first i mean i presume the flower flower would probably have come first probably evolved before humans were even on the planet no but i mean the naming of it not much of a chicken and egg there is it the naming of it fucking naming of it. Not much of a chicken and egg there, is it? The naming of it. Fucking naming of it. What? The naming of it. The flower would have come first as well. So you know that thing you use to clean the gap between your teeth?

You've got that little tooth thing. What's that called? Toothpick. It's got a... Why are you trying to shame me? No, but you've got that, haven't you? And it's got that little wire that goes across so you can floss in between. It's an individual flosser.

Yeah, I want to take that to your meters. Oh, yeah. And saw down it. Saw on my banjo string. Yeah, with that. take that to your metis. Oh, yeah. And soar down it. Soar on my banjo string. Yeah, with that. You get the harmonic, the harmony of the angels. Twang. Splong.

And then spurfed. Splong. What do you do? If I twanged your banjo string, it would not make you spurfed. It would. It would make you spurfed. It's very sensitive. Spoff.

Bluffle. Bluffle. Clomble or gludge. It's known as Al Spoff, Bluffle, Clomble, or Gludge. It's known as Althea officinalis. Oh. Listen, it goes way back, mate.

Herbalism and as an ornamental plant, a confection made from the roots since ancient Egyptian times evolved into today's marshmallow treat. Oh. The fucking confection goes back to Egyptian times. Well, there you go. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

So that must be the distinct marshmallow flavour, which is vanilla-y. It's similar to vanilla, but you could tell that wasn't a cream soda, was it? No. You could tell it was a marshmallow drink. You see, never let them say that we don't learn stuff about plants and our history

on this great cheap show of ours where we go through the bargain bins, the discount suit companies. Right, here we go. We're going to do birthday cake. Oh, cut me off! Like birthday cake, yeah? What do you think the flavour's going to be? I'm thinking icing sugar.

Yeah, but that's just sugar. The icing doesn't taste of anything. It's not going to be chocolate, is it? I'm imagining icing and sprinkles. Yeah, it's going to be vanilla. Yeah, vanilla sponge. All right, and jam and a candle. Maybe it tastes's going to be vanilla. Yeah, vanilla sponge. All right.

And jam and a candle. Maybe a taste of candle. That would be good if it got all of those in, but I don't think they're going to get the candle in. They're going to get the wit of it. Here we go. I'm entering the hoof zone. Ah, went right in my eye. Oh, it always does.

I like it when it goes up your nose. Have a smell. Is it party time? No, it's similar to the marshmallow. Do you know where's one combination of things that will remind me of being at a birthday party? Ready salted crisp with a bit of Kit Kat on top. Get those together.

Yeah. And then it'll just take you back. Imagine a chocolate with crisps in general. What? I don't like the smell. I can't get much out of it. It's sort of got a cherry, almost. I'm having less problem with that

than the marshmallow smell. All right. Definitely. It's got a more amplitude, if I dare say so, with a product of this standard. But at the end of the day, it's the flavour that matters.

It's more rounded. It smells of one thing. Ooh. It's red. I think I'm going to like this one more. We'll see. It is a slightly light pink, almost rosé coloured. It's a see-through pink yeah no cloudiness

on this one it's almost a strawberry that's what it tastes like it's strawberry icing that's right strawberries i kind of find that quite pleasant that strawberry smell that i still think the after is going to be the fucking killer the thing that puts me off this here we go chin chin it suffers from that fall off, doesn't it? It's watery. I like that. It's watery, but I do prefer up front that strawberry flavour. Out of all of them, this might be the one that's alright.

I think this is the best. But that's not saying much, because it's still watery, flat, and really doesn't suggest birthday cake. It just suggests, like, strawberry aid. It's like a strawberry aid. Yeah, it's like a Panda Pop strawberry aid or whatever, isn't it? Turn your fucking phone off when we're recording please. I do. I don't know why

you can't do that. And especially even if you do, why not put it on mute or quiet? I fucking forgot. So fucking sue me. No, you don't forget because this is every week. Every week. No, it's not. Every week. I challenge you to find another week when my phone has gone off. No, because I edit it out every week, don't I?

So all my evidence is gone because I edit it out. And you can live in land of denial and say, I never do it. Oh, I never do it. No, I never do it. Is that Egypt where the denial goes through? Fuck me. This and Fishy Fanny is just the fucking dearth of your range

today, isn't it? Fishy Fanny Banjo String. Don't say that and try and make me laugh. It does make you laugh a little bit. It does. Especially if I say it

in a different way, like, Fishy Fanny, Fanny, Fanny Wings. Not Fanny Wings. Fanny Wings. Now you're talking.

Fishy Fanny Banjo Wings. Ooh. Worst Paul McCartney song ever. He's got a new book out, doesn't he? All his lyrics does he

yeah do you think every few years he must go through his attic what haven't they seen here's a picture I took of me arsehole in the mirror when I was high in 1970 he wouldn't have done that

look at that big gaping arsehole that's going in the Getty Museum of Art or whatever it is Paul McCartney's gaping arsehole mirror shot so what's the third

and final soda an upshot picture of Ringo's Metis. An upshot picture. I don't know. Ringo's Metis. Is Ringo's Metis a mingo or more of a ringo? It's more of a ringus.

Anyway. Oh, ringus. Right, so here we go. Third one. Now this is a totally different soda altogether, although I do believe we have tasted some of these before. This is another Jamaican. Solo. Is it Jamaican Solo? Yes.

Trinidad, it says here. Trinidad, sorry. Okay. It's Trinidad. Solo. And this is banana flavour, and it says high in quality, and a man's face seemingly enjoying the drink. Now, Paul, have you ever seen a banana soda before? Not in

my memory. I've never seen one. Maybe a limited edition drink sometime in the 80s or 90s that bloody... I don't remember that. I'm not saying they did, I'm just saying I can imagine. I remember there was a drifter, there was a banana, a limited edition banana flavoured drifter which was absolutely

smashing it. The chocolate bar? Yeah. As I say, I'm not fond of banana flavoured anything. Chocolate banana absolutely smashing it. As I say, I'm not fond of banana flavoured anything. Chocolate banana you're not a fan of. Banana flavoured you're not a fan of.

This is going to be purely artificial so I'm hoping it makes you get it. This is the one that Juicy Jeremy wanted me to taste most of all. Yes.

Strange. The lid looks tampered with. I don't know about that. Well, look, I'll taste some as well. Alright, good. I don't know. I trust Juicy.

Look, he's out there. He's on the American backwaters, you know, writing letters. I mean, there's a big PS. Great. We've turned him into Uncle Travelling Matt

now, haven't we? It's not a bad idea. Who's Uncle Travelling Matt? From the Fraggles. Remember? He was the Fraggle that left the rock to go travelling

around the world. He'd always write back to Goober or whatever his name is. Well, there is a big PS on this letter, which I think we'll save till after we've...

No, it's saved to the end. Okay, fine. We'll have a nice record. Has it been long enough, this bit? Yeah. If we stretch this bit out. Well, I can stretch it out for you.

Mingus, dingus, wingus, pingus. Just say shit like that, mate. Wingus, pingus, dingus, mingus. Don't make me. Fanny, fanny, fanjo, banjo, wing.

I've just found the route to setting you off. Fanny, fanny, fanjo. Fanny, fanny, fanjo, banjo, wings. See? This is the show to setting you off. Fanny Fanny Fanjo. Fanny Fanny Fanjo Banjo Wings. See, this is the show now. This is this fucking podcast. It's just nonsense now. No, I'm going to be very professional on Sunday

when we have guests. Okay? I hope so. Spark that banana soda. I'm entering the huff zone. Enter the huff zone. Just a little one. Yeah, it's probably going to go flat as well. It doesn't seem to be much, first of all. We definitely... What's the...

Oh, it's definitely banana. It's a nice banana flavour. There you go. It's almost got a... Iron Brew. Because, I mean, it looks like the same colour as Iron Brew. It's a very similar colour to Iron Brew. I'll be interested to see if this is actually Iron Brew-y.

Maybe it's a Trinidadian. Iron Brew. But this company, Solo, we definitely... I think they made Pear Drax do you remember that Drax the pear flavoured one vaguely

I don't know if I remember liking that though that smells just like Iron Brew doesn't it but you can still smell the banana it's still there but it's

it's drawing a line between the flavour of banana and the flavour of Iron Brew in my mind that bubble gummy Iron Brew thing because bubble gummy

is kind of how you describe Iron Brew it's got extreme iron brew at the front and then there's a banana after whiff coming through

there. Iron at the front, banana at the back. Yeah, basically. I call that a

Saturday night out. Oh, do you? Who goes with you? No one. Oh,

you go by yourself. Yeah, just go to a corner in an allotment in the dark. And you put an

iron bar through your meters. No. And then a banana up your I roll up against an iron bar as I insert a banana in my arsehole. And you spank on bar through your meatus. No. And then a banana up your arse. I roll up against an iron bar as I insert a banana

in my arsehole. And then what? And you spunk on the iron bar. Eventually. Does it freeze? Does it freeze onto your helmet? Takes about three or four hours. No, you know what?

This is it. And it tears. It tears your helmet and tears your banjo string. Stop talking about banjo strings. Your precious little frozen bango string. And then a crow comes along

and nibbles it. Banzo string. Bingo string. A crow comes down. Ah! Ah! I just remembered what I wanted to tell you now. Go on.

I was out yesterday. Good. Having a walk. Yeah. And I came up a... You came up what? Up a tree. I came upon...

Oh, lucky them. Came up upon... Came up upon... A squirrel. You came on a? Up a tree. I came upon. Oh, lucky them. Came up upon. Came up upon. A squirrel. You came on a squirrel. No. I walked towards. You entered a squirrel.

No. And you came in the squirrel. Are you going to let me say this story? No. Because it's very good. I'm not. Go on. I approached a squirrel.

Yes. Officer. There was a crow right up against it. Yeah. Right. And no word of a lie, as I approached, the crow gave me a guilty look and then sort of shuffled away from this squirrel. And the squirrel was kind of going, as well.

And then the crow flew off. They were having sex. They were having interspecies sex. They were up to some shenanigans, this crow and this squirrel. And they gave me a look like, ooh, daddy's very angry with us. No. Yes, they did. I know what I saw.

What you saw was a crow and a squirrel selling drugs on the canal bank. I didn't actually see any penetration, interspecies penetration. No, you were just presuming because that's what you wanted to see. I'm more inclined to believe the squirrel had a bit of, you know,

a bit of dodgy material. Had some nuts. Had some quality nuts shiny nuts because a crow would love some good shit nuts a crow goes for shiny stuff so you'd have to give those nuts maybe a conker

you'd have to give could be conkers could be conkers and so the crow comes down do they shine it on their big nuts yes why not they shine it on their balls

the squirrel blah blah blah they've got big nuts don't they yes they do as in bollocks anyway and then they shine a conker off on their

big shiny bollocks. The squirrel gets a text. Squiggy, squiggy, squiggy, squiggy, squiggy. Squirrel gets a text and it's like, are you free in half an hour? I can pick up some hot nuts.

In the graveyard this way. Yeah. I need a hat. Can I go to the graveyard? Yeah, see you there half an hour. Squiz. That's his name, Squiz.

Squiz the crow. Meets there. Crow flies down. He drops off a few, I don't know what the currency is between nuts and squirrels and crows. Meets there. Crow flies down. He drops off a few, I don't know what the currency is between nuts and squirrels and crows. Probably nuts. Maybe it might have been a couple of berries or something.

It's all going to be nuts and berries. Berries and nuts. They've got a whole nut and berry based economy going on. Yeah, so he's probably got some hot nuts. He's dropped off his spicy berries and they do an exchange and then suddenly, fucking you walk by. They've seen that they've been caught. I mean no harm. I'm not going to report anything yeah but they're still you know i was a little bit

illegal mate i'm off yeah he flew away yeah but only to offense a few meters down the lane yeah so you know and that's it that's all it was a simple drugs trade i don't think so i think they were having crow on squirrel sex do you think this has gone far enough, this idea? It wasn't an idea. It was something that happened to me. No, not to you. It happened with you nearby. You've let this banana soda go totally flat.

You've done that because you've gone on about your stupid... I thought, again... Stupid squirrel crow love story. In episodes gone by, you would have taken that gem as ambrosia and spread it. No. And spread the ambrosia. I can't do much with a crow-squirrel sexcapade. I don't know about that, Paul.

Yeah. I think that's a very defeatist attitude. No, it's not a defeatist attitude. I think Paul of yesteryear would have flown with that. No, I don't think Paul of yesteryear would have flown with it. We'd have two new characters and a fucking spin-off. And Barry Squirrel. And I'm fucking eating.

Oh, I snotted everything. I know, I've got to close my eyes because I'm close to being sick. Oh, I've got snot coming out. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, I didn't want to see that. Oh, anyway, I'll keep talking.

We're doing this last drink. It has gone... Oh, God. How just poor is it? All better. So let's taste some of this banana soda. Solo banana. There you go.

So this show isn't what I imagined it was going to be six years ago Very ironbrewery on the nose Isn't it? Don't make me think about your nose again mate

Oh I just saw two dangling fucking I'm sorry It's the time of year Snotty stalactites I've dealt with it and I don't think it should be privy

that the listeners don't need to think about the mucus in my head Yeah but it's just Did it wobble around? It hung out It's like that I don't think it should be privy. The listeners don't need to think about the mucus in my head. Yeah, but it's just... Did it wobble around? It hung out. It's like that gooey Louie game.

I've got a problem with hanging snot as well, actually. Right, anyway, moving on. Let's drink this. Ooh, that's surprising. It's very sweet, isn't it? Very sweet. Not very bananary, though. Leans more into the iron brew.

Yeah. Quite nice. I quite like it. Best drink of the night. Eas iron brew. Yeah. Quite nice. I quite like it. Best drink of the night. Easily. Yes, actually, quite nice, that. I like that. Very, it's much, it is very close to iron brew,

but it would be closer to, like, original recipe, wouldn't it? Maybe. Because it's very sugared. Yeah. Oh, dear, that's really quite nice, then. Okay, you did like that one, then. Yeah, I could drink that. Now, it's a bit too sweet, but I could finish that and not finish those cans.

Yes, but is that just because this is real sugar? This is cane sugar? No, because it actually has flavour. It has flavour. And it's not watery as well. And the banana, probably what's made the argument for you, Paul, is the banana hasn't got a very strong overpowering chemically banana. It's a subtle note.

It's a subtle note. It's a subtle note. And there's a sort of an iron brewery fruitiness. Is that what we're talking about here? It's even got quite a nice kind of mouth feel afterwards. I kind of feel... But I think, again, I think that's because it's real... Quite cosy in my mouth. I think that's because it's real sugar that the mouth feels good.

Yeah, very likely. It's just very cosy. Has that syrup. The syrup finish, which only real sugar can deliver. And that's what's missing from those candy cans, isn't it? Totally. Weak piss. They're terrible. I reckon they'll missing from those candy cans, isn't it? Totally. Weak piss. They're terrible.

I reckon they'll disappear from the scene. I can't imagine them. I can't imagine them catching on. Good. A nice gimmick, but there you go. A sugar-free Dr Pepper is definitely going to be better than one of those, isn't it? You know what I'm saying? You get the same sort of thing.

It comes down to my natural aversion to those sugar-free drinks anyway. I'm either going to drink one or not at all. You know, I'm not going to have a Diet Coke. I don't enjoy Coke enough to worry about the calories for me to drink a diet version of it to keep that fixation within. You know what I mean? If you're going to do wrong, just do it. Just do it.

I've got lots of bubbles in me. Now, before we wrap this up, what was the PS on the letter? Oh, yes. Now, let's see. Pass the letter back over. on the letter. Oh, yes, now. Let's see. Pass the letter back over. P.S.

I sure do hope you boys enjoy the Sodi. I'm getting kicked out of the town I've been staying in because someone's accused me of hanging around the soda store. But I have to because I do that for

a living. Anyhow, I'll be sending all the cans of sody across that old pond right to your willing little wet mouth, Paul. Eli, wink, wink, keep up the project. You know what I'm talking about. Goodbye, my sweet little wheatgrassy boys. Now, usually when something's obviously not funny, you stop earlier. But I applaud you for going through that

to the bitter, wet end. Oh, like your wet little mouth. Sounds like Jeremy's got a little thing for your dirty little naughty mouth. Psychologically, I think you've got to think about my wet mouth. I don't fucking have anything. Yeah. I don't have things.

Yeah. I don't do things. You don't do things. You don't have things. You don't know things. No. You aren't things. I'm thingless.

You are a thingless man in a thingful world. Yes. Quite profound. And these are the lands we live in. Oh God, it's Genesis again. Yes. He is a thingless man. He's got his banjo. Here we go.

That's that segment obviously done then. Flying fanny wings. Imagine like labia outstretched membranous and fucking flabby. Why aren't you ashamed that you say this out loud? Because it puts money on the table. Puts bread on this table when I say.

Big labia's put money on our table. Is that what you're saying? Labia's been a part of our success, yes. And meet us's. Meet us even more so. Meet us even more so. Just repeat the funny things I say, Paul. It seems to be your technique, doesn't it?

You just repeat the funny things I say. We're just two real extremes, that's the problem. And we need to meet us in the middle. Oh, me! What, what, diddly-boo, I did that diddly-boo, and a one, two, three, four, five, and a fanny-fanny-bingo wings. Oi!

How's the pain? I'm in a lot of pain. I know, you do. I'm just, like, moving around in this chair, and my tolerance in, like, my fucking... Listen, when we pause, I'm going to get you some Nurofen because you shouldn't suffer like this. No. Okay? No, listen, it shouldn't

suffer as well. Hello, everyone. Ah, I'm back! Sorry, I felt funny. Carry on. Paul. Carry on. Do your witty intro. I don't have on. Do your witty intro. I don't have anything.

Do your witty intro. It better be witty. All right. It better be. I'll try and make it witty. You've got to make me laugh. Okay. He looks really in a lot of pain, everybody.

Back, egg. Come on. I'm going to clap. I'm clapping. You ruined that one. So we do have to do one more. Go on. Okay.

Bikes going past now. Brum, brum, brum. A lot of noisy bikes go past. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. It's Cheap Show, and it's time now for Silverman's Platters. It's the part of the show where- Oh, I'm in pain.

Paul's in pain. Ignore him. Yeah. Ignore the pain. I'm going to fight through. Fight through the pain. I've medicated him. Wore the pain. I'm going to fight through. Fight through the pain. I've medicated him. Waves of pain.

I've dosed him. Right up. A special dose. Right up. Do you know where it came out of? Yeah. My hand. My hand is where it came out of.

Eli delivered, with his hand, relief to my agony. And he was good. And he had to pop a few pills. It's time for Silverman's Platters and that's the part of the show where we go through the charity shops, record fairs,

and... You don't need to say it like that. You say sometimes we find records in charity shops or whatever and they're worth investigating. And we like lots of genres here on Silverman's Platters. We do.

What are the genres we like, Paul? Rock and roll. No. Pop. Novelty. Yeah, is that a genre? Comedy. Advertisement.

Exotica. Oh, yeah, exotica. What they used to call a miscellaneous. And what about Muzak? Would that count? No, because Muzak is just sort of easy listening, isn't it? In fact, Muzak is a more specific term than you would realise. Right.

Muzak. Why? Muzak refers to the type of music which is cover versions of popular songs made especially to play in the background

of shopping malls. It's white noise, isn't it? It's glamorously made white noise. Yeah, but Muzak is literally music that has been produced for that purpose.

Yeah. Whereas Easy Listening is not quite as bad as Muzak because it's like an artist. It has. It has James Last and you put it on. But pop is Easy Listening, isn't it? No. Easy Listening is stuff listening is is not quite as bad as music because it's like it's like an artist that's james last and you put it on easy listening isn't it no easy listening is stuff like james last or is it stuff

they call rock yacht rock or minivan that's not easy listening or whatever it is isn't yacht rock a great uh term it's a great term and it wasn't around at the time obviously no it's such as northern soul another another uh genre that wasn't used at the time, obviously. No. Such as Northern Soul, another genre that wasn't used at the time the music was being made. No, it was just Motown or whatever they called it. It was Soul, yeah. Soul, yeah. R&B, in fact.

That's the thing, isn't it? That phrase, yacht rock, works because of the distance between the release of the music and now. Because back then, it was just the current music. Yes. Well, they would have called it adult-orientated rock, I think. M-O-R. It doesn't really matter.

A-O-R or M-O-R were where the point is is that now we've got the distance it now has a kind of nostalgic flavor which you go oh yes that's indicative of the miami vice 80s and stuff but yes because we have a sort of hindsight and overview of the whole era and sort of the aesthetics of the era which you wouldn't have had when you were in the era, I guess. So yacht is evocative of a... Yeah, but it's a very clever term, isn't it? Because it's so efficient. Two words and you know exactly...

It's like yacht rock, name an artist. Hall & Oates. Yeah, exactly. There you go. They're some of the best. Michael McDonald. Yeah, Michael McDonald. The old Doobie Brothers guy.

Yeah. That kind of stuff. That's all yacht rock, baby. I just think I know a lot of people and I thought I'd make it real Mike and the Mechanics no that wasn't Mike and the Mechanics

it is isn't it your other voice was not Mike and the Mechanics no it's not it's an arse John O'Farrell is he called John you're not gonna live in silence

you're not going to live in silence. You're not going to live in fear. That's a great song. That's not yacht rock. Isn't it? I would put that in yacht rock. That's more like power ballad, power pop. That's not yacht rock. Why isn't it?

Is the car yacht rock? He wasn't in a yacht for one thing on the video He doesn't have to have a yacht because then Duran Duran It's the same era but it doesn't It doesn't have Yacht Rock

It's usually sort of a soul R&B a white man making a sort of soul R&B record which is Hall & Oates Hall & Oates are very

in that soul R&B side of things in terms of the actual songs I would still argue though Phil Collins would be Yacht Rock right? very in that soul R&B side of things in terms of the actual songs. I would still argue though, Phil Collins would be yacht rock, right? Studio has to be a yacht rock song.

No. Why not? Again, that's power pop. But that's what I'm saying. Well, no, you can't tell me that like Man Eater isn't pop rock. Man Eater is more, no. Oh, here she comes.

Watch out, boy. And I always get that confused with that Stevie Wonder song about part-time lover. Part-time lover. Oh, here she comes. Watch out, boy. She'll chew you over.

Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, someone should do a mash-up. She only comes out at night. She puts on a lovely hat. She goes for a walk. She has a little talk with the man who owns the cat.

Is that... That's the lyrics. Is that... Check them. Is that the video or something? I don't know. That could be the video, though. It could be.

Imagine, the stiletto in silhouette. Right. Anyway, sorry. What are we talking about? I don't fucking know anymore. Right, so we've got two. You fucking derailed it. It's fucking Silverman's platters. We've got two platters for your delectation today, dear.

And the first one was something that initially we thought, nah, there's not much going on here. And then we did a little bit of research and thought, there's a little bit going on there. So should we just introduce it? What is the first song? This song is... I can't be back.

You're in a lot of pain there, Paul, yeah? It's just, I was fine before. I twanged it just then. You really need someone to look at it, mate. I know. You need an x-ray. Are you going to get an x-ray? I hope so.

Because then they can see what's wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had surgery on my back. Yeah, it's fun, this. This is a song called Together We're Strong. And believe me, I'd have to argue that... You're not. That's not the case.

Yeah. Together we're bad. Yeah, together, anyone trying to make music with Patrick Duffy, because, spoiler alert, that's who's on this record, would be taking a notch down on their career, basically. So please listen to a snatch of... No, I'll tell them who it's by first. All right, go on.

This is Together We're Strong. Yeah, I said that. By Mireille, is that how you say her name? I don't know. I'm actually glad you said it now, because that makes sense. Mireille Mathieu. Mathieu. Mathieu.

Mathieu. Mireille Mathieu. An American actor, Patrick Duffy. And Patrick Duffy, who is from? Dallas. He's very much famous for Dallas. Yeah. And that's it.

But there was a good deal of Dallas spin-off pop records, weren't there? Yeah. I can think of at least two. Can we just play this song first? Who shot JR records? There's at least two. I think there's more. And maybe even a Dallas song spoof in itself.

And another single that you see a lot in charity shops and so on is the BBC edition of the Dallas theme song. Which I have a copy of. It's a great theme song. Can we listen to this song? Ladies and gentlemen, this is Together We're Strong. A great man once said, winter never fails to turn into spring.

And though we're so different, you and I, when we're together, even the cold of December feels like the middle of May. You are the night, I am the day. You are the star that shows the way. You are the instrument I play. You are the words I long to say. You are the land, I am the sea. You are in counterpoint to me. And we agree to disagree. No need to lie I only know when we're apart I only live with half a heart

I need your hand to play my part Together we're strong We can go wrong And now we know just what to do And how we get our winnings through Together we're strong When we are two Together we're strong

That doesn't work, does it? It's disco. And you know what? Looking at the cover of this, what genre would you expect it to be sort of basically in? I honestly thought, just looking at the cover, it was going to be one of those Captain and the... Tennille.

Tennille-type songs. You know, love will keep us together. But it's not like that at all. No, they had quality, Captain and Tennille. They were exactly what they were, which was a cheesier Cher and Bono. I think they had quality. Sonny and Cher.

They had some quality to them. Did they? In a similar way to Hall & Oates. Yeah, there was songs. This is borderline unlistenable. Well. And mainly what makes it, you know, obviously, Mireille Mathieu can sing. Well, it turns out she is a very well-renowned French singer.

But she has that particular French vocal style. That Edith Piaf kind of warbly thing. It goes all the way back to Piaf kind of it's from it goes all the way back to Piaf the warbly vibrato on every note and I just don't like that

is it particularly French and affectation well you said you immediately brought up Piaf so it obviously is because he's got that

thing going on you know there's only one singer I actually can enjoy who does that yeah Dennis Dennis Roussos Dennis Roussos.

Dennis Roussos. You know, where he goes, The second lamb is black. The third one is a green. You know, you do look like him, so weirdly, it's like I've got you in the room. It's like all of a sudden I feel like I'm on. The second horse is blue.

The third one is a green. I wish they had stars on their eyes. The fourth one is a black. The third one is a green I wish they had stars in their eyes The fourth one is a black The third one is a green The second horse is blue Please go on stars in your eyes with this act The third one is a green The second horse is blue

The third one is a black Alright, we got it My banjo string is long My banjo string goes twang This is literally the most painful I've ever been During a recording of this fucking podcast Twang my banjo string Banjo string

Now Tonight Matthew I'm going to be doing Rousseau Singing banjo string I would love to do Rousseau yeah you've got to do it

you know my my old friend Virgil worked with Dennis Rousseau really yes he did a tour with him in France they did a single

together yeah wow weird he was a very eccentric man Rousseau what was he famous for ballady kind of stuff

yes but he was in a Greek psych group Aphrodite's Child, who were quite short-lived, didn't have that many records, but have one of the most respected Euro psych rock albums of all time. 666, it's called. Oh, right. Fucking great. And that has that tune on it.

The second lamb is bleh. It's all based on revelations, you know? And so that's the lamb to the slaughter thing from the Bible bible so here's the thing here's the thing right with that song can i just say one thing about the cover yes on the cover both mireille and patrick are wearing cowboy hats yes because here's my theory she's a big french star she's still going today apparently um she was famous for Dallas. Maybe someone thought the best way we can sell her in the US is if we team up with someone who's famous off the telly

and they can do this. And the plan would have worked perfectly if Patrick Duffy didn't have the voice of a cow. He's a terrible singer. It was like bad and flat and doesn't fit in. It's even mixed weirdly. But I think it was a mistake to go with the cowboy hat photo because it makes me think it's going to be a pop country kind of record.

Yeah. I'm a little bit country. And she's a little bit of rock and roll. Something like that. Do you know what I mean? Something like that. But it wasn't like that at all. It has no whiff of country at all about it.

He's an American man who's taken my heart. And he's a Frenchie girl. And he's very much a disco number now Paul did you notice there's a different photo on the back cover yeah

is this more appropriate for the B side it is because the B side is one of those piss weak ballads you'd rather tear your ears out and listen to

she's got like a sort of black dress and it's much more nightclubby much more disco-y here's the thing and look even got background

like industrial sort of outlines of buildings. Yeah, skyline. That says disco more to me. Here's the thing though. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you agree with

what I just said? Here's my theory though. But they've got nothing, just a pink, just a plain pink one on the front cover. Here's my theory. The B side,

the back, where they're all poshed up was like the leading photographs. They were like, we're going to look smart and classy. And they went, just for fun though,

put a cowboy hat on. Just for fun. And he's like, I don't want to wear the cowboy hat. I've got this thing. Yeah, but just for fun. Just while you both wear a hat. And then someone in the meeting afterwards said, that one's cool with a hat.

And they're both, he's in Dallas. Let's sell it that way. Put it on the cover. Yeah, exactly. So the song itself is not too remarkable. It was a hit in Europe though. It got to like number two. What did it, hang on.

In France, it got to number five. But in the Netherlands and Finland, it was a number in Europe, though. It got to, like, number two. What did it... Hang on. In France, it got to number five, but in the Netherlands and Finland, it was a number two hit in 83. It was also covered in 83 by a Finnish band. Covered by a Finnish band. Yeah. Can you imagine? Monika Karita and Iki Salo.

I'd love to get hold of that. Yeah. But what made me laugh more than anything else was the songwriters, because, you know, they're to blame for this. And one of them is this guy called ralph ralph siegel and he's mainly known as a german record producer and songwriter and he's written 24 songs for eurovision he's a proper shit merchant over that's what that says to me he has he did have a winner in 82 called einbischen freiden uh i

couldn't tell you what it sounds like, but that won Eurovision that year. So that was in 82. Off the back of that, he was probably getting into more mainstream pop. So he teams up with the other songwriter, a guy called Richard Palmer James. And according to Wikipedia, he's best known as one of the founding members of Supertramp, playing guitar and songwriter, and also wrote lyrics for the progressive rock group King Crimson in the 70s. Wow. And in the B-side, you can kind of hear a little bit of that super trampy. Very little bit.

Vaguely, but it's just a whiff. In the backing vocals. Of the chorus, yeah. Play a bit of that for them. I'll play a little bit of that bit now. Something going on, something going on, I should know. Something going on, something going on, I should know. No, there's nothing going on, why should we go wrong? I don't know. Nothing going on, nothing going on.

Now with every day, I feel you slip away And every night I pray you'll change your mind So this must have been some experiment to just get these two to become a thing. Yes, but it failed so badly because his performance is honestly, and we hear a lot of shit on this segment, Paul. Yes, we do. Year in, year out. A lot of bad people who can't sing at all.

But that has to be one of the flattest and least passionate vocal performances ever committed to vinyl. Do you know it's weird? Because they didn't release this in America, I've just discovered. Or certainly there's no information on it being released in america wouldn't surprise me would it wouldn't sell in america at all would it so maybe they got a euro thing maybe they got him to sell it in europe he's probably just in europe doing some kind of junket do you know what i mean just on some kind of tour or something it just seems to me that maybe because dallas was huge at this point

and she was trying to find a way to boost her career maybe at that time. It killed two birds with one stone. I mean, it could have killed her career dead. It's so terrible, couldn't it? Well, she's still banging on today. And if you go to YouTube and if you actually go to the webpage for this episode

on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, I'll put a video of them two performing that a year or so ago. So it must be fondly remembered in parts of Europe. I guess so. It wasn't a complete flop. It reached the top 15 in all cases in Europe. It just feels really cheap.

The whole cover. Yeah. No, it's functional. The font, just the way they put the cover together. It's functional. No effort whatsoever. And again, Patrick Duffy. They should have gone with the back one.

That looks much better to me. Yeah. The tuxedo and evening dress sort of yeah but you know what whatever the reason was and her hair

she's got a nice do she's got a nice bowl head both of them look much better they look embarrassed in that first picture where he's gone this fucking thing I have to wear the fucking hat

and she's like this American cowboy hat is shit it is terrible it is you do not like this and he went gee whiz howdy I'm gonna put on a hat and they were promised and cowboy hat is shit. It is... Terrible. It is, you do not like this.

And he went, gee whiz, howdy. I'm going to put on a hat. And they were promised... I bet there's other ones where they're dressed up as like jungle people or maybe there's one

where they're dressed up as Eskimos. No, there wouldn't. There's one where they're dressed up... You can't say Eskimos anymore. You can't? No. What do you say then?

Native peoples of... Yeah, you don't know. ...of North America. You don't know. You don't say Eskimos, though. All right. Okay,? Native peoples of North America. You don't know. You don't say Eskimo, sir. All right. Okay, well, I've now learned.

It's as bad as other words you don't say about people. Yeah. Really? Yes. Blimey. Well, now I've learned. And now that I've learned, I'll do better. It was a terrible gag anyway, wasn't it?

Not really. I was just thinking that maybe they did a whole range of different costumes. They did a whole village people, everyone in the village people different photo shoot. Yes. Was there an Eskimo in the village people? No. No, I don't think there was.

That's it. We've got nothing else to say about it. No, I just wanted to say Dallas was huge. Thanks. Moving on. It must have had loads

of spin-off records. You've said that and we've done them on the show already. I'm sure we've done a day or one. This is just another example of how dominant, even as late as 83... Dallas Mania. No, disco as a sound. It was a default sort of sound for your pop record,

whatever your pop record was. You know what I mean? This is pure, easy-listening pop trash, but it's very disco. Who is it appealing to? Fans of her? Fans of him? Fans of the genre? Disco.

Who knows? What would you give it? Is it a platter or a splatter? I'm going to say splatter. It's a splatter for me. I did not care for it. I think the backstory is more interesting than the record itself. And the backstory ain't that interesting.

Honestly, his performance is so flat. I have you in my heart. And he does a spoken word bit, and that doesn't come across right at the beginning. Just remember the day you're going in the hole during the night. Right, next song is What, Mr. Silverman. We're moving straight on. In a similar tone, finally.

They're both pink records, sevens with picture. And you can see the pictures on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. This is The Singing Corner. The Singing Corner meets Donovan. Yes. And their version of Donovan's. Yes. Jennifer Juniper.

And it sounds awfully like this. Hey, Donovan, swing your pants. For twisting my melons, man. Jennifer Juniper Lives upon the hill Oh, neat! Jennifer, Juniper Sitting very still

Real mellow Is she sleeping? I don't think so Is she breathing? Yes, very then What you breathing? Yes, very. Then what you doing? Jennifer, my love. Is your surname really Juniper? Jennifer.

Now, I don't see the point of this song. It's from 1990. 1990. Now, backstory to the artists. The Singing Corner was a comedy characters created by two sketch performers called Trevor and Simon. Trevor and Simon.

And they were known in the UK for being comedy performers on the Saturday morning TV show Going Live. Were they already on Going Live before the Singing Corner was created as characters? I think the Singing corner came out of them having to come up

with characters for going live that's my belief I'm not sure they did Edinburgh in 84 got some attention as the singing corner no I don't

just did a sketch show I couldn't honestly tell you you know it's weird they're a double act more than a sketch group really aren't they yes that's probably more fair yeah

but they were known for doing the sketches on going live they do sketches as a double act. Yeah. And so there was this whole thing about Saturday morning TV where you had to have, like, the distraction.

It was either a puppet, or in this case, it was Trevor and Simon, and they would come in as characters and just be kind of rude, funny rude to the guests or have fun with them because they're kind of undercut. I remember it quite clearly, seeing them and enjoying some of their bits quite a lot. Do you? Yes.

I used to like it. I used to think it was funny. They were funny. Not these characters. These characters are not funny. But they were the breakout characters. But yeah, they weren't their funniest characters. Yeah, and that's what I was going to say.

So these were their breakout characters. But their funniest characters were they were just Trevor and Simon. And they were just, like you say, being a bit irreverent or rude to the guests. Yeah, weren't they like... Or like they were having little tiffs, weren't they? You know, and I used to find it

really amusing. I seem to remember about them being either like security guards or they were maybe like laundrette managers or something, or they worked backstage

and they bitched about the acts that were on it. It was quite silly but quite good-natured, their stuff, wasn't it? Yeah, well, this is the interesting thing.

I remember a few years ago, PG Tips had a whole thing where for comic relief you bought a box of PG Tips and staked to the side was a cassette of some comedy and there was an episode

of Blackadder wow but one of the we'd love to get hold of that I've got them all there's a Jasper Carrot one and there's another one and there's the fourth one

we should look at some cassettes on this segment Paul we should when we find ones worth note because otherwise we just find them out keep your eyes open for cassettes because you do see them more these days in charity shops there seems to be a little

resurgence of that Derek there's and I've got a lovely Yamaha over there that was gifted to me Peter Cook one that was the other one and then the other one was Trevor and Simon live and it was interesting because I've never seen or heard their act as just them doing sketches and comedy and I seem to remember it reasonably fondly. I seem to remember thinking, oh, they're all right. They were making fun that they were being a bit adult because they didn't have to be on the TV.

So there's a few jokes around that. Yeah, but then their career didn't really survive the 90s, did it? As a duo, it didn't really go anywhere after about... The sad thing is, if you're the post of going live, you're Philip Schofield or Sarah Green. Oh.

Philip Schofield. We keep circling around to Green, don, your Philip Schofield or Sarah Green. Oh. Philip Schofield. He keeps circling round to Green, doesn't he? Schofield. The second horse was Green. I tell you what, he must be spicy in your mouth, Philip Schofield. He'd get a five on the Schofield metre of hotness in my gob. Schofield.

Joseph and his technical and spooge. Stop. Paul's trying. I can see you trying to bring the fun but it's not it's not happening is it

because you're in so much pain let's just keep on discussing Trevor and Simon this record now this record Schofield test how hot is your cock is a

this was a hit back in the 60s I believe for Donovan yes I didn't know he was Scottish I'll say that for him I thought he was an American

very Scottish man very Scottish man and I think hit back in the 60s, I believe, for Donovan. Yes, I didn't know he was Scottish. I'll say that for him. I thought he was an American actor. Very Scottish man, Donovan. Very Scottish man. And I think quite underrated, generally, Donovan. There's a couple of Donovan songs that I think are fantastic bits of Psych. They call it mellow yellow. That's right. I like that, and

I like Sunshine Superman. Yeah. You're the lady, the lady. He didn't do that. He did. He did Cinderella Rockefeller, didn't he? No, he did not. You're a lady. That's...

Fuck off, Paul. I'm trying to... You're a fellow, you're a fellow. That's Isaac and Ibrahim Isfadin. You're having a breakdown. Esfadarin or something, isn't it a breakdown Isfadarin or something isn't it dial Isfadarin no

listen right you're a Rockefeller that is not them that is not Donovan Donovan and there's I saw a comment on YouTube Sonny Goose Tree

if you want to hear a fucking excellent Donovan tune listen to Sonny Goose Tree it's really moving right beautiful he is capable of beautiful songs and I'll just say one thing Excellent Donovan tune. Listen to Sonny Goose Tree. It's really moving. Right. Beautiful.

He is capable of beautiful songs. And I'll just say one thing. He did a record called Baraga Jangle. Banjo Wangle? What was that? He does a song called Banjo Wangle? There's a song called Baraga Jangle. Yeah.

Which he did with Jeff Beck. You know Jeff Beck? Yeah. That's really good as well. Oh, I just want to investigate. It's a crazy sort of psyche pop-y, rocky. You're the lady, the lady who twang my banjo. I'm your fella, your twangy fella. No, uh-huh.

I'm the fella, the fella with banjo to twang. I'm your fanny, your fishy fanny. I didn't find anything. I'm your fishy fanny. I'm a bingo twanger. I'm in pain. I did not... Paul, you need to see a doctor now.

I feel like Basil Brush in pain. Now, as we said, they did raise a laugh for me when I was watching Swing Your Pants. That was the little catchphrase. No, they didn't raise... That's what I'm trying to say. These, for me, is their weakest stuff.

Because it sort of doesn't... It's like Neil out of The Young Ones, or it's like a parody of sort of 60s culture, hippie, folky culture. But it's not really a parody because they do it straight, basically, don't they? That's what I mean. There's no...

At least with the Neil one, there is... Yes, he's faithful to the song, but also there's his spin on it his like his intonation makes the song sound different or mean different things it's just funnier

yeah it's just better it's more conceptually sound and this is a bit tame isn't it do you know what I mean it's a bit tame and they're just meant to be

a bit sort of you know ineffectual innocent and ineffectual and yeah a bit distant I don't know was it funnier at the time it's probably funnier

ongoing live. But as a song, this only got to 68 in the charts for a week. It didn't do well. Yeah. Parody of the 60s sort of counterculture, more generally. Which is kind of early when you think about it, because it wasn't until the mid-90s that the 60s become a thing again. Well, that's what I'm getting at.

In the 80s, all that hippie stuff was really naff, wasn't it? It was really... But then with sort of rave culture, Second Summer of Love and everything, into the 90s, it became sort of cooler again, the hippie stuff. Yeah, and that's why you got things like Austin Powers. It was hip, more hip.

But then, so I think they kind of misjudged it. There's something misjudged about the satire. Do you know what I'm saying? Well, there is no satire. They just did a cover of that song, faithfully, really. It's the B-side, which is kind of interesting because there's more of their identity on it.

Even though it's one of those typical British comedy act novelty song B-sides where they talk about the fact that it's a B-side. It's the B-side and the fact they don't give a shit and they have nothing for it. Fucking B-side.

Now, wait, is it, what? I wrote a song. What do you mean B-side? You've got to do the B-side, Jimmy. I can't. What do you mean B-side? What's that mean? Listen, I paid you for fucking the whole song. You've do you mean B-side? You've got to do the B-side, Jimmy I can't What do you mean B-side? What's that mean? Listen, I've paid you for fucking the whole song

You've got to do B-side Because there's another side to the record So I've got to do two songs now Well, it doesn't have to be a good song Oh, it doesn't have to be Alright, get recording, here we go Make sure you mention it's the fucking B-side Alright, okay

Record this It's going Oh, I've got to do a B-side. What's a B-side? A B-side. Here we go. Fuck off, Jimmy. Here's me song.

Oh, you don't listen to the B-side. It's not the important track. You wish you'd take it to the shop and get your money back. Oh, it's the bloody B-side. It's not very good. But guess what? I am listening and the fucking thing gives me wood. All right, Jimmy.

Jimmy, I like it. I like it. I'll just do I'll just do a bit now alright here we go just how we finish it off finish it off count me in oh

twang my banjo really hard twang it till I come I've come all up the fucking screen and I've gone round by your bum and I'm going

round your fucking mum I think we're going to need a second take on that one oh no sorry anyway so there you go so yeah that's the are we going to play a second take on that one. Oh, no, sorry. Anyway, so there you go. So, yeah, that's the... Are we going to play them some of the B-side? Oh, yeah, let's play some of the B-side.

Here we go. Okay, we're ready to do the B-side. Yes, we're ready. Donovan! Oh, where's Donovan? Oh, oh, oh. Mister, I've done the A-side and I'm not going to do the B-side.

I'm going home. Donovan! Oh, oh, mister, I've done the A side and I'm not going to do the B side. I'm going home, Donovan. Oh, well, that's different, I suppose. What are we going to do now, then? Maybe we should go home quickly before we miss the bus. No, I know. Let's do one of our own songs. Oh, yes. What about this one? Oh.

Hello. Hello! Welcome along to the singing corner! Was that alright? What do you think? It was not! What would Donovan sing? Was that all right? What do you think? Oh. What would Donovan sing? Oh. Well, I suppose he'd sing something like Jennifer Juniper.

Right, that's it. So there you go, Trevor and Simon. I don't hate the song, but it's definitely a splatter for me. Yeah. You know, I kind of wish... I didn't laugh once, really. I don't think you have to laugh. But it feels like a kind of also-... I didn't laugh once, really. I don't think you have to laugh. But it feels like a kind of also-ran comic relief hit.

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. It's just funny that they... Fair play. A big Mercury, a big record company decided to put this out. Because, to be fair, they were on BBC One. They were well-known. They were ongoing live. They thought it might sell.

The audience knew about them, and they thought it might cheat. They just didn't turn up with the writing of it, really, did they? Well, yeah. They didn't do anything that the writing of it really, did they? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, they didn't do anything that would make it stand out like update it. They could have made a joke where someone drops in

some happy hardcore into it or whatever, you know? Anyway, there's a little cute thing here. It's got tea by Paul Brophy at the back. Oh, bless. It's all a bit cutesy

and sort of toothless. So Eli, that's what I'm saying. Two things. It's a splatter for me as well. Yeah, and quickly what is your vote on the banana drink? Because we wanted to get that yeah and quickly what is your vote on the banana drink

because we wanted to get that out the way my vote on the banana drink yeah out of five out of five I'll give it a 3.5 and I'll give it a B so there we go

you quite liked it I did quite like it I could happily finish that off so like the drink I'd like to finish this episode off I think Juicy Jeremy would like it

if you did finish it off I will because he does go on about you and like how you need to finish the drinks. Yeah, it's strange. That rash keeps coming and going. He keeps sending me a drink. Where is the rash,

if you don't mind me asking? The rash at the moment is just on the inside of my thigh. Oh, has it gone green? It started at the knee and it's gone off. Has it gone pussy and green? No, it's really just red and flaring.

Some scaly green, scratchy pussy. Banjo Fanny wings moving on. Right, that's the end of that segment. I hate you you finished yeah thank you that was cheap show we're done now for another week join us next week for more very funny business uh if you want to know any more about this podcast, I'll tell you where you can go, thecheapshow.co.uk. Right there is a link to everything you need to know.

There's a link to the merch pages of various styles. T-shirts. There's Events Magic magazine, which is amazing. Get a print of that. There's videos. Every episode has a page with videos and pictures accompanying it. And we're on Instagram and Facebook but if you'd like to support us and if

you can support us financially and like to keep our little show running you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show give what you can but please only if you can and there are hours and hours and hours and hours of podcasts and videos there for you to explore and I'll spend it on noodles yes and sauces

yes and email the cheap show at gmail.com the is there for you to explore. And I'll spread it on noodles. Yes. And sauces. Yes. And email thecheapshowatgmail.com. The website also has a link to our PO box address. Also, the podcast itself and its metadata in your podcast app will have all the links you need if you want to investigate further.

Ah, you see, we haven't mentioned that before, but that is true. But it's true, yeah. All those links are on there. Podcast Addict, Podcast Hub, whatever, Spotify. Spotify, it's all there.

It's all fucking there. Links are where you's all there. It's all fucking there. Links you where you need to go. It's all fucking there, mate. On Twitter, at The Cheap Show Pod, I'm at Paul Gannon Show and Eli is... Eli Snowy,

D-L-I-S-N-O-Y-D. And that's all the admin that I can be arsed with done. Right, I've got stuff to say. Do it. I'm literally checking out. I'm just going to lie back

because I can't, mate. Can you lie back, yeah? For a second. just going to lie back because I can't. Can you lie back for a second? You lie back. Eli back. Eli back. That's what people used to say to me in school. Eli down. Eli down in his bed.

Suck cock. Now, I've been noticing stuff in the world of noodles, Paul. I've been noticing stuff, yeah? Yeah. You go out, look at the shelves in the supermarket. Boo! To noodle content. Can I just finish this bit off?

Because you want to stop the podcast, yeah? You're in pain. I can keep this going. If you keep being rude. You talking about noodles makes it worse. If you keep being rude, it'll just take longer. Rudies. That's just, yes, that's a word I said.

Fishy fatty bad. No, don't say that. Don't start saying that because it will distract me. All right, come on. I'm thinking of flying vulvas. Literally, flappy, flappy flying vulvas. Now. Because I'm hungry like the vulva.

Vulpine, it's a wolf, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, I've been noticing in supermarket noodle aisles, there's been a profusion of different brands of pot noodles, cup noodles, whatever you want to call them. Noodles sold in their own container. And they're infiltrating everywhere. And we need to do a proper fucking calibration and review

of all the crap that's getting pumped into those because we just did a cup noodle and I'm going to get some and we'll be covering them in the cheap each section of this podcast. Well, unfortunately, due to the flagging ratings of that particular episode,

we will not be going back to noodles. It's proven that it's not an audience enticing. Whatever. We'll never go back to noodles. Noodles is done for this podcast you're going to change the theme tune yeah the kitchen noodle

close down I'll revamp it you'll be so mean just because you're in pain yeah it'll be called Paul Gannon's Twango Bango show

oh mate I've got nothing please I was saying something with meaning yes we'll do noodles of course we'll do noodles thank you now

I just thought it'd be a fun narrative element to say there's going to be a bit of friction between the noodle thing and the not noodle thing. It won't be fun. It's not fun. I'll just give up now. I'll just give up now. One question.

Yeah. Do you have your twanging claw? Do you have your twanging claw? No. As you know, I have a twanging bow. Okay. Could you reach over? No.

I've got the banjo string out. All right. It's very taut. Ow. Spurf. This is the poorest end. Nude fucking talk. My back's spasming every five seconds.

Spurfed it out. Like a twitching perv. Come on, mate. I'm just fucking done. Good night, everyone. Thanks for supporting the show, everyone. Love you, guys. God, I love you. Thank you so much. Thanks for supporting the show, everyone. Love you guys. God, I love you.

Thank you so much. If you listen to this, thank you. It really means a lot to me. Because I've got nothing else. Right, don't stop talking then. I got nothing. Just press the button. I'm going to have to press the button.

This is the poor end, isn't it? Well, you've got nothing, mate. I'm here. Fanny Wango Bango Street. No, no, no. It's tired the elasticity has gone out of the Fanny Banjo

it is a dark day I've snapped me Fanny Banjo that is the end that is that is that's the end that's the end I'm fucking poor

press it fucking press it you