CheapShow - Ep 26: Scrapbook of Crap 2: Electric Noodle Doo

Episode Date: August 3, 2016

It's another Scrapbook of Crap... And this time it's personal! After Eli took the internet by storm with his very strong opinions about Instant Noodles, it seems only fair he uses the podcast as a platform to answer his fans from the Barshens channel YouTube comments. He is taking over the world. We are very sorry. Paul & Eli also discover just how well (or not) they know each other when they take a "Mr & Mrs" style quiz, one that reveals a little "too" much! Finally, as its another scrapbook show, we release from the vaults two clips once deemed too crap to use, but now seem fair game. Why, you ask? Well because we would've had a full episode had Eli turned up to the sodding recording. Thanks to Skype, we get something just as good. Almost. Kinda. Whatever. Enjoy! Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher, iTunes or most good podcast apps and get fortnightly fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

ladies and gentlemen it's time for yet another episode of the economy comedy podcast cheap show hosted by me paul gannon and my ever faithful loving friend hi everybody it's me eli silverman get your kegs off it's party time right so um so we had planned on doing a recording session for the next few episodes and then life got in the way didn't the eli and you couldn't make it down to southampton uh yeah there was all sorts of crazy crazy shit going going on in the Victoria coach station. It was like D-Day or something down there. Like the Battle of the Somme. Yeah, D-Day, did that have refugees in it?

Probably, all wars do at some point. Well, maybe I was not being sensitive to our veterans there. I don't know, but it was just a bit like a war zone. And the guy wouldn't sell me a ticket. He was delighted when I said I'll have an 11.30am ticket to Southampton. He was like, ooh,

you're not going to get on there. He said, you do know they're all going from Vauxhall today and that coach is full. He was delighted. He was delighted in denying me a basic fucking service. Like a plumber who goes oh, I don't have to part for that, mate. Yeah, basically, yeah.

What a twat. Yeah, so it wasn't good, and then I went to Waterloo, and that wasn't good either. So sorry about the sound quality, everybody, but, you know, sometimes life gets in the way of... Well, the sound quality's great with me. It's with you, it's awful, because we're having you Skype in, aren't we, instead? Yes, I'm on Skype here. The magic of Skype indeed. So this is basically what we like to call a scrapbook of crap episode

where we're going to give you some original, hot, sexy, brand-new audio footage for your dirty ear holes. Ear holes. Ear holes. Ear holes. But then we're going to throw in some deleted scenes from podcasts that initially we thought were not good enough to pass muster, but now they are. I don't think you should say it like that, Paul. What?

You should say some deleted scenes that we thought were too sizzling red hot to put out before. Too sexy. Yeah, too sexy. And now we've let our belt down. I mean, I'm doing you now. Where's this podcast going? Scrapbook of Crap. What number of Scrapbook of Crap is it?

Scrapbook of Crap, episode deux. And I'm calling this the Hot Noodle Edition. Oh, yeah. So why is that? Well, because, let's give a bit of background to this. As we've mentioned before on the show, Oh, yeah. So why is that? Well, because let's give a bit of background to this. As we mentioned before on the show, we help out on a YouTube channel run by Barry Lewis and Stuart Ashen. And it's called Barsians. And you turn up on it every now and then.

And the recent episode went out a week or so ago. It was a little game where they play Pop-Up Pirate. And at the end, we thought, for a laugh, let's put Eli Silverman on the end talking about noodles. It can't possibly be funny or interesting. That's the joke. Apparently it was very funny and interesting. Mate, I just would like to say this is a watershed moment for me. I mean, I've been talking about the importance of noodles, the relative importance of noodles,

for a long time now. And people around me, like yourself, have been quite dismissive. Yeah, because it's noodles. It's not like, you know, saving the world or world hunger or, you know, political discussion. It's instant noodles that happens to be your forte. It's sustenance. It's a type of sustenance paul and that's never going to go out of fashion right no no you're right i agree um so what i thought i'd do is to start off i went to the video and as usual after the video goes out i like to keep an eye on the comments

and keep you know the fan base interested i was surprised very surprised by the weight of noodle comments underneath the video. This is a video that for six of its minutes is the game. And it's Barry and Stuart being very funny and having a laugh. And then followed by four and a bit minutes of you talking noodles. Now, let me just give you an idea for balance. The comment system is weighed like this. I would say most of the comments are 80% noodle based.

Followed by one or two comments saying, why aren't we talking about the actual episode? It was funny. I'm just going to read a few of these comments out, Eli, to feed your ego. Okay. All right, let me just have a little scroll these. Darkheart291 says, I must say, Eli is quickly becoming one of my favourite people on the planet.

This happens when you speak the truth, you know? It's scary. Someone else says, noodle segment should be a monthly thing, in my opinion. Well, that's a very good idea, you know. All of this will be considered in the new landscape of the new kind of power structure that's emerging here. Yeah, it's scary.

I mean, look, on that comment by Egolas, there's someone who says, make it weekly, followed by someone saying, make it daily, make it hourly, make it minimally, make it secondly. This is ridiculous. The internet is full of massive wobbly pricks, and I'm not happy. Dylan Felatio, oh no, maybe I've said that wrong. Well, it's obviously playing on your mind yeah maybe anyway dylan says i came for the bartians antics and i stayed for

the noodle device no and i stayed for the noodle advice that was really hard to say well perhaps he's got he's got something there perhaps it's some kind of a noodle clinic that we should uh think about setting up you know i'm happy to to share share what i know with people if they're interested you know i mean it's just ridiculous pencliffe says i look forward to eli's inevitable noodle podcast full nenth noodle talk please i demand more noodles i want a noodle side channel eli speaks the truth i mean it's just why did i just watch a man talk about instant noodles for two minutes? And this is why my parents call me a disappointment, says Chassa12345.

You're not a disappointment, mate. You know, it's an interesting area. It really is. I was actually interested in learning about the different instant noodles and was bummed out when it abruptly ended. Great episode anyway. This is crazy. The noodle talk at the end was amazing, says Joshmanisdabomb. was bummed out when it abruptly ended. Great episode anyway. This is crazy. The noodle talk at the end was amazing, says Joshmanisdabomb.

So, you know, whatever you want to take for that. God, let me just... Seriously, Eli, I'm not joking. It's nothing but noodle talk. You have started a revolution. I've hit it on the head with the noodle there, yeah. You really have. And there were people chipping in. Oh, I like... is it coca noodles?

K-O-K-A? Coca? Yes. They have to be, actually. I mean, I know I did my top three noodles before on a previous episode, which you mocked. Which you mocked. I know. And little did you know that we'd be in this situation, did you?

I know. So, yeah, I actually gave my top three noodles i believe coca was in there i'm not sure but uh crab or their lobster flavor yeah uh just a brilliant basic noodle if you're gonna just start if you're gonna start this journey uh that's a great place to start it's a nice safe bet is it well it's just so pimpable uh well uh look it's a basic two packet we got the oil pack and the uh the oil sachet flavor and the uh the dry soup powder oh my god this is so depressing for me and uh yeah their crab and their lobster and also the mushroom i have to say is very good as well although that's a single packer with only uh with only the soup mix yeah uh who else says something uh lugnell says,

I do not mind listening to Eli talk more about noodles. That bastard's got his noodle facts on lockdown. David Price says, Eli is right about those Nissan Black Garland Raymond. They're amazing. Discovered them a few months ago. I also concur and recommend the egg to pimp that out. Yeah. See, people know, man. People know.

Zoe Papillon says, If you seriously don't do the noodle talk thing or put a full-length video out as a bonus, I am unsubscribing to this channel so fast you won't believe it. Well, you know, it is always a vocal sort of minority. Well, you know, it is always a vocal sort of minority. And, you know, I think this is a minority that have passion for a certain kind of instant food product. Yeah. Happy Plu says this. As a devout pastafarian, which I like, I recognize Eli's words are nothing less than divine scripture.

May this fine prophet continue to smother us in his noodley words. God, I didn't actually read down that far. I just, yeah, to be honest. This is the earliest stuff. Noodle segment was great. How dare you cut him off? I got my notepad out and everything. Rick's Rad Div Divs or something,

who looks like an old man who generally should be on a register. He says, Eli is a noodle noggin. He loves noodles he loves noodles all right but for me it's rigatoni the mega elbow noodle to use when making mac and cheese i don't know how you feel about that well you know mac and cheese is a whole other can of fish isn't it you know it's a it's a whole other thing yeah a lot of people very passionate about mac and cheese i wouldn't want to sort of to sort of really step into that whole debate, you know, because you're talking about sauces, you're talking about different kinds of pasta, the rigatones, the pennes. Aussie779 asks you a question.

It says, Eli, if you haven't tried the Polish amino tomato noodle soup, you haven't lived. Have you lived? No, not by your definition uh there i um i have tried their their uh other ones but not the tomato i tend to avoid tomato flavored things uh it's not not my favorite favorite flavor although uh tomato ketchup flavored crisps what do you think of those uh i'm not i'm not keen really you're not keen on much food, are you, really? Well, you know, I draw my lines. This is interesting.

Look at this. It's a kind of a complaint, I would say, but not necessarily about you directly. It says, Luna Hula says, hearing Eli talk about noodles is one thing, but I think we are missing out on his top ten vagina talk that also got cut short. You see, that was actually a joke. i do not have any favorite shape of vagina you know you know you you are a happy chappy no matter what shape you get yeah basically yeah you know what kind of arrogant chauvinist would complain about the shape of a vagina oh look at this unless it was sideways or i don't know, something. Well, it looked like a letterbox. Eli says, Zephod Babelbrox.

Eli, try a little Chinese pickle. A mustard tuba is a really good option, despite the unappealing name, on your Nissan Instant Noodles. Also, for tonkotsu, sprinkle a little pork floss over the top. Makes a lovely, tasty garnish. I mean, I'm really glad I'm hearing that now because that is some dynamite advice i mean pork sauce is something i've been interested in i saw it in the supermarket the other day and uh yeah i mean that's gonna work and he also goes on actually he says particularly from a slice of two a slice of two of surimi crab sticks work fine but i don't want to encourage

any snobbery he says and a dash of sesame seed oil uh in my crab or seafood nongshim ooglamen cup noodles yum oh yeah i've had the nongshim uh ooglamen yeah that's very nice he does ask the question though what is your opinion on the shin cup just spicy enough or just needless masochism well i do like those the nongshim they're korean brand i believe and they do go for the spicier ones. And it's not too hot for me, but I wouldn't get it all the time. They tend to sort of have quite an artificial, chemically flavour after a while if you get too used to them. Yeah, you start to lose the... I mean, it's crazy how much...

Not only am I disgusted by your knowledge, but I'm also offended by their knowledge. Because at my grocery store, Sear Pop-Up, they have several kinds of kimchi instant noodle packs, and it's amazing. There are a couple of kinds I keep forgetting, which is the best, but they are all written in moon language. Not spicy, but not hot.

They burn, but don't linger. It's like eating a really hot chilli. Also, I'd like to throw in some ancho chilli, an egg, maybe some green onions to make them delicious you know i mean the green onions is is obviously the uh the total building block the first step on it on the pimp journey yeah on the you get in the pimp mobile and uh the spring onions is the first uh of your hookers that you pick up at the corner fair enough okay spring onions i'm just what i'm trying to say uh it's uh yeah spring onions yeah definitely that you pick up at the corner. Fair enough. OK. Spring onions.

I'm just, what I'm trying to say is, yeah, spring onions. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy. I never thought when we put this video out, this. I mean, look, Gabriel TS Gardner says, Eli's Noodle Corner should be a British institute. Make this mandatory or else.

I think I should go for the Labour leadership. You know. Oh, I wouldn't go that far, mate. I'm getting should go for the Labour leadership. You know. I wouldn't go that far, mate. I'm getting a bit of a mandate here from people, it seems. It's crazy. I mean, I won't go through all of these because, seriously, EI, there are so many. I'm a big fan of Indomie Mi Goreng Noodles.

I don't know what that means. Indomie, another big one of the the big titan brands yeah they come with a dried onion seasoning powder key cap manis some oil and some chili sauce yeah nice kick product of indonesia but i'm sure you can get them in the uk i'm pretty sure you probably could you can get indomie and uh one that i've been trying to get hold of, which I haven't managed, which my friend Mark Allen has told me about, is the beef and lime. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah, and that's an unusual sort of combo.

And in and out of me, quality, you know. I mean, one of the things is LadyBurnCastle92 says, can we get some special with Eli and Barry cooking interesting and weird noodle dishes? I think it'd be funny, I'm not even joking, it'd be informative, and I'd watch the hell out of it. Barry and I have spoken about this already, and we're thinking that might be a video to do in the future where we do a noodle special. Well, I'm 100% behind this, and...

You are the Egon Nerone of noodles. It's... I don't know, mate. it's like eli for president says one person if eli comrade wilhelm says if eli doesn't get a weekly noodle talk segment from now on you two are both dead to me wow it's like people are getting really passionate about this i know that i told you that your your mockery was misplaced when you saw that i was deadly serious about this is the thing though i don't now just feel sorry for you i feel

sorry for at least a hundred other people who have now commented on this freaking video look we're not trolls we're not trying to shout down any franchise reboots or anything we're just uh passionate passionate yeah all right well then here we go, right? To level this section off, because obviously we faded you out towards the end. It faded out just after you were talking about the brand new drainage system style thing. Was there anything you wanted to add

that was missed out the video that you can now address your nation, Comrade Silverman and his noodle proletariat? It's your time. So Eli, I'm turning it all over to you it's your turn speak to your nation the time is now yes so just picking up from um where i got to when i was faded down by the the noodle hating uh illuminati yeah um yes there are drainage systems now uh built into noodles these are box noodles i think is what you'd call them they're coming out of japan uh japan uh does have the poshest instant

noodles on the planet there are um there are items up there that go for you know five or six english pounds probably more now after uh our currency was devalued so much. So we're talking, you know, six or seven or even up to eight pound noodles. And these have several flavor packs and undried products that you can add. And, you know, they're so ingenious. Some of the technology that you get in Japan has been world-leading. And I think the drainage, the peel-back drainage grill that we're seeing on these noodles is something that could be applied, you know, on all sorts of British foods. I mean, British noodles have a bad reputation.

And there's a good reason. They're disgusting, yeah? Yeah. The pot noodle, an abomination. I mean, I do like a mushroom, a beef and mushroom. That's all right. You've got to really put a lot of chili sauce and soy in it. But generally, they add corn flour.

So you get this. It's not not even broth you get a sort of slimy paste instead of a broth and they just think that that's what British people want you know want some sloppy it's almost like they're trying to make the product more disgusting because the Brits have this sort of you know this guilt towards instant noodles and i think it's uh it's sad and it's hurting uh the industry here so if we could get some exciting products over here maybe with a grill i mean if i if pot noodle put a grill on one of theirs yeah like one of these uh peel back uh drainage grills um that'd be that'd be a step in the right direction, for sure. God, can I stop?

No, I want you to call your people. I want a call to arms. I want you to get them to rise up en masse and join you on this revolution. Just to say, if you are interested in noodles, I can't take the pressure of this. Come on, President Noodle. I only speak for myself. I can't speak for everyone. No, don't you let your people down. They're waiting for this message. They're waiting for a leader.

You are that leader and you're letting them down. I want to hear a rousing speech in the next 40 seconds that brings them to your side for a greater future. A more promising noodle-based instant food future. Do it now. Okay. Please, everyone who likes my noodle chat, just get in touch. Tell me. We've got to keep this ball rolling.

So could I have some noodle suggestions from you and then I could discuss them, I guess? That's awful. And now for balance, here's what you get in the UK. Should be here in four minutes. Don't fuss, Mum. You know what I like? Blooming tight as air, Sarge. Put the kettle on.

When you find yourself with a hungry moment, just put the kettle on and make a pot noodle. Tender pasta noodles with vegetables and soya pieces in a rich savory sauce choose from five tasty flavors and eat hot from the pot now mind your shirt gerald so try pot noodle today now in new sweet and sour and cheese and tomato flavors cheese and tomato pot noodle i know what a crazy time to be alive in the late 70s early 80s whenever that was i didn't realize that was way before the whole rebranding of the pot noodle as the the you know the slut of snacks or whatever it was the bad boy of yeah the thing is you look

at that video on the advert uh you look at it and they show the meal off it still looks like dog dirt with peas in it still doesn't look good The revealing phrase is where they say in a Ritz sauce or whatever. It's like it's not. It's sloppy corn flour mess, like spoff, you know? Well, anyway. Vegetable spoff with little unrehydrated bits of chewy soy. Anyway, you have spoken. If people want to rally to the cause,

you can get behind Eli and make this a more noodley future for us all. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Paul. Thank you. Carrying on with the show before we go into our hot clips package, I thought we'd play a little game, you and me. Oh, yeah.

I like a game. Yeah. No big steaks. You know, nothing crazy. No disgusting beans to put in our mouths or, you know, hot food to swallow against our will. Talk for yourself, I'm surrounded by disgusting beans. I don't really want to know. That sounds horrible, frankly.

I've been making my own homemade bean boodles. Have you? How do you do that? You get a bunch of jelly babies and then piss on them. Ha ha ha ha ha! Good, because I thought you were going to say stick them up your arse and then pull them out. There's that as well. You've got to vary the flavours. You could plop one in a little pool of sick outside of a pub. You know, you've got options there.

There you go. This is a life hack. Make your own cheap jelly belly bean boozle by buying off-brand cheap jelly bellies and placing them in a pool of something disgusting. Piss, puke, vomit, stick stick up your nose for snot flavor that's not a good hack it's not at all i've got a good hack yeah go on i've got a cup prize life hack yeah go on hit me with it okay so a bit of a specialist one but um never pay for hair bands again. Oh.

I don't. If you start desiring hair bands. Yeah. And you look on the streets of London. Yeah. There are hundreds lying around discarded. Just pick them all up. Pick them all up.

Yeah. Give them a wash. You know, I'm not a fucking monster. Well. Give them a wash. Give them a rinse. Yeah. well give them a wash give them a rinse yeah hairbands never pay for hair bands again you are a tramp that's a good hack you are a tramp in sheep's clothing i mean yeah if i was a tramp i'd be glad to have some sheep's clothing why not just buy a nice form why not buy a box of elastic bands? Hundreds for like a quid.

You're such an amateur. It will tear your hair up. Plastic bands. Fair enough. Okay. I don't know the problems with it. No, I said it was quite a specialist life hack, but it's good. If you don't pay for those, you don't pay for toilet paper.

Yeah, we've already seen it. As in the previous life hack. Yeah, uh it's good if you don't pay for those you don't pay for toilet paper yeah we've already seen this life hack yeah i mean come on the savings are starting to build up here yeah i know it's not great so anyway i thought anyway going back on topic i thought we'd play a little game so i i just thought we'd get to know each other you know we we've spent a lot of time with each other over the years haven't we in various various, you know, scrapes and locks, you and I? We have indeed, Paul, yes. And a lot of people say we argue like a married couple. And like a married couple, I ask you for sex and you say no. That certainly happens, especially when you've had a few bevvies. I do get a little bit touchy-feely once the drinks have been gifted to me. I'm glad you're admitting that because it's just good to get that out in the open.

Well, you know, once you admit to a problem, then you can start fixing it. You certainly can. You know, I mean, never again will I reach down your trousers and grab your junk for happy shandy hand times. Latitude 2013. That never happened in 2013. That's all I have to say.

What happened? What happened in 2013? I didn I have to say what happened in 2013 I didn't get round to you just as drunk as I've ever seen you and it was like you were a mess all up in my grill just because I tried to knock you out of a tree with a big stick

you did that, you tried to knock me out you were getting aggressive and then sexual alright so I'm thinking I think I'm going win and i know it's not going to be a competitive it's not competitive i'll get i'll know your character more than you know mine all right so here's what we'll do then i've got a bunch of questions i went out to a charity shop and i bought a thing called perfect partners how well do you know your nearest and

dearest and it's split into two categories there are male categories and female categories i thought i'd mix it up a little bit and there are three topics within each category one is revelation so what they're saying is there is questions that require a yes or no answer pretty easy then there's the quandary question multiple choice questions that require a little bit more thought and finally intimate personal questions that require expert knowledge of your partner now obviously we obviously, we're not partners. We have never engaged in any kind of sexual congress. No.

Not for the want of trying, listener. Yeah, yeah. Occasionally, he tries, but yes. You know, sometimes I do fantasise about you shaving your beard and in the thrust of passion, me wrapping my hand around your hair and into a tight knot and pulling you close. Oh, yeah, okay. And fishing in your kegs for some...

Are we going to play the game? Yeah. All right. So anyway, basically, it's Mr. and Mrs., isn't it, really, when it comes down to it? So you've got a pen and pencil. Here's what it's going to do. I'll ask the question. You will both write down your answer and then what you think my answer will be.

Right? And once we've done all three questions, we'll compare and contrast. Okay? So you've got to write down what you think your answer would be. Yeah okay? So you've got to write down what you think your answer would be, and then you've got to write down what you think mine is, and we'll see how close we get it, right? So I found a little bit of music. Let's just play a little bit of that right now to set the mood

to get the Mr. and Mrs. theme going. So how many questions are we going to... Mr and Mrs Be nice to each other Be nice to each other. That's great. Mr and Mrs You've got to love one another.

You've got to love one another, Eli. I know. So how many questions are we going to have? We're going to have the three at a time. Alright, so let's go. Here's the first one. Ready. Hang on, I've just got to turn this down. God, this is such a horrible fucking thing. I'm just going to turn it off. It's shit.

Was that the theme tune to the game show? That was the official theme tune to Mr. and Mrs. Possibly the most twee and horrible game show theme of all time. I can't think of a worse one. No, it's really poor. I mean, there's lots of classics out there like Play Your Cards Right.

Wow, that's a real burner. That's a dance floor classic, that one. It really is. Mr. and Mrs. is what you expect to hear before you have euthanasia in Switzerland. Yeah, basically. So, question one. Okay, are you ready, i'm ready mrs right here we go eli have you ever dumped someone by text or email do you think it's yes or no so

first of all have you ever dumped someone by text or email and then write down if you think i've ever done that so i'm just gonna write down my answer now. Okay, I've written down my answers. All right, cool. Next question. This is round one, by the way. I'm going to ask some female. We'll start with the guys' cards first, and then we're going to go into the girls' cards,

see if the difference in sexuality brings out different answers in us. Next question is a quandary question. So here we go. Ready? Your best friend asks to borrow 200 quid, but you know he's a heavy gambler. Now, funnily enough... know he's a heavy gambler. Now, funnily enough... I'm not a heavy gambler.

You've dabbled, though, in the art of poker and craps and whatever, haven't you? I play poker, yes. Anyway, so, he asks to borrow some money, 200 quid. You know he's a heavy gambler. Do you, A, lend it to him? No questions. B, grill him first. Or C, say you're a bit short. Now, c say you're a bit short now eli you are a bit short

oh dear i just picked this at random as well but it's given so much back so so here we go a b or c a lend it to him, grill him about the thing first, or C, say, sorry, mate, I just not got it on me, right? So I think you would say, um, um, that one. And then I would say that, you know what, actually, I probably would. I probably, I probably would do that one. All right, yeah? Okay, I've done my answers. Great.

And finally, intimate. This is a bit more random. We might not get this, right? Intimate is what is your dream car? Now, I don't give two fucks by and large about car, but you might have an idea about what kind of car I'd like. I'm just going to write my answer down here, and I think yours is...

OK, yeah. I'm ready. All right, so are you ready? Yes. First question was Revelation Have you ever dumped someone by text or email Eli What did you say to that

No I've never dumped anyone You've always been dumped Yeah Usually more than once I put yeah I thought you would have. Really? Yeah, because I thought you were gutless.

Well, see, I'm already ahead here. All right. Okay, so you get a point for that. Now, do you think I've ever dumped someone by text? Yes. And I, yeah, I have. Yeah, so I'm definitively ahead after one question there. Yeah, can I tell you the story about how that happened? and I, yeah, I have. Definitively ahead after one question there.

Yeah, can I tell you the story about how that happened? I won't mention any names, but basically it was a roundabout kind of dumping. It wasn't intentional, really. But I was dating this girl at the time and she was a bit of a handful. We were at a big party and I was enjoying the party, but she got a little bit too drunk and I thought, you know what? I have to take her home, which meant leaving the party early but she got a little bit too drunk. And I thought, you know what, I have to take her home, which meant leaving the party early while everyone had a great time. By the time I got her home, you know, it was late.

There was no chance of me returning to the party. I was about to crash out, but she crashed out of the bed. And so I had to sleep on the couch. And then literally the minute she crashed out, her snoring was awful. It was like, it was, it was awful. So, I sent a text. It's a problem,

snorer. So, I sent a text to a friend of mine saying, mate, I can't be dealing with this. She's drunk. She's a snorer.

I'm always feeling responsible for her on a night out. I don't know what I'm going to do about this. Sent the text. Anyway, next morning, I wake up

and she's standing over me holding her phone at my face with the text. I thought I'd sent to my best friend, but's standing over me, holding her phone at my face with the text. I thought I'd sent to my best friend, but unfortunately I'd sent to her phone instead. That is pretty harsh. She quite rightly said, get out, we're finished. And to make matters worse, the party we'd been to was for her. It was her birthday and that was her birthday day.

Oh, that's a bit uh so i apologize oh paul so then technically you haven't i mean you did not dump her by text the text resulted in her being i guess but the end of the relationship but your intention was not to i mean perhaps subconsciously you could argue maybe i did it subconsciously, maybe I purposely. I just don't think it's strong enough for us to say, yes, you have. Unless there's some other instance, perhaps less salacious. No, not really. No?

What do you want to call it then, yes or no? I think it's a no. All right, in that case, you know, we're even on that then. So you lose a point and I was wrong. All right, next question was a quandary, we're even on that then. So you lose a point, and I was wrong. All right, next question was a quandary question. Your best friend asked to borrow 200 quid. Do you say A, do you just lend it to him? B, ask him about the money first?

Or C, say you're a bit short? Or D. Or D? Fuck off, mate. I think that's A, basically. No, that, well, yeah, I guess that would fall under C. Oh, I'm a bit short. You'd just be like, fuck off, mate, take a hike.

Well, yes, if he's a problem gambler and he knows I know, then I don't think, you know, he's going to be insulted, is he? I guess. What did you put then, A, B, or C? C for me, and I predicted a C for you. I said C for you, but I'd B for me. I'd ask him about it first. I wouldn't just presume it was for his gambling problem.

I would grill him about it first. I wouldn't just presume it was for his gambling problem. I would grill him and find out through investigation whether he was using that money for nefarious reasons. Alright, then I was wrong there, was I? Yeah, you were. Right, and finally, Intimate, what is your dream car? What did you put? It's only

going to be one car for you, Paul. And it's obviously Ecto-1. Mate, bang on. You actually got it bang on. So, that's great, but what did you put for you paul go on it's obviously ecto one mate bang on you actually got it bang on what so that's great but what did you put for you what was your dream car oh what did you guess i put mobility scooter oh fuck you because you'd look huge in it driving around oh oh and i'm just totally obsessed about sort of amplifying my perceived height yeah you buy other people who have a problem i'm five foot fucking three inches of pure dynamite here with a noodle kingdom

a noodle media empire i know burgeoning empire yeah and uh you know my my stature is not something that troubles my mind what i sleep what card did you troubles my mind. What card did you get? I sleep in my small bed. What card did you get? Alone. Alone. No. Mr and Mrs sleeping alone in his bedroom.

Anyway. Sounds of Indian pickles. What car did you pick? VW Camper. Oh, that's a good one, actually. I didn't put that down. I love those. I love them.

You get the souped up ones and, yeah. They're very expensive. So at the end of that round, we have one point each. Okay. All right, so now we're going to go to round two, right, which is... I'm liking this. I'm liking this, Paul. Let's have a bit more of the music.

All right, let's do that. Hang on. Music time. Mr. and Mrs. Mr. and Mrs. You've got to love one another. You've got to love one another. Right, so, round two.

Now, this is from the selection of cards you'd ask a lady, right? So, what do we pretend we are? Paulina and Ellie? Yes, or Paula. Yeah, that's the one I was looking for. Paulina. There is, I bet there's people called Paulina.

There probably is, you're right, there probably is. So, you prefer to be Paula, would you? Ideally. Okay. That's my preference. Especially on a Saturday night when I go out in my wig.

Ooh, you naughty, naughty man. You naughty, naughty woman. Woman, woman. Mr and Mrs. Think of the future. Think of the future, you monster. Right, round two.

Hang on, I'm getting into this. That is such an awful, awful theme, that. It's like a Carpenters sort of rip-off, isn't it? Yeah, if the Carpenters was even more depressing than it already was. Right. Okay, first question is revelation. So, yes or no. A close friend tells you something

in the strictest confidence, but it's very interesting gossip. Do you tell anyone? Yes or no. So, I think you'd say that, and I would say that. Right, have you got your answers written down? Yes, I do.

Okay, next one is quandary. If you ever visited a beach that turned out to be a nudist beach would you a strip off b compromise and go just topless or bottomless you get your jumper on but get your dick out you know i mean it looks more odd that way but it's a it's a compromise you could do or c just leave get out of there you You're not interested. Write your answers down now. Mr. and Mrs. Sharing each day forevermore.

Right, okay. So I've got that answer written down. And the final one is this. What is the biggest lie you've ever told? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. All right. I'm going to write that down now.

Right. Have you got your answer written down? Yes. Okay, let's go through these again. Number one was, a close friend tells you something in the strictest confidence. Maybe it's about a disease they've got, or a secret affair they've had, or, you know, a bit of juicy gossip. It's very interesting. A bit of juice.

Do you tell anyone, Eli, yes or no? This has brought up a difficult emotion in me Has it? I have been known to be Is the tittle-tattle, is that the Yes, tittle-tattle, you know I have been known to let things slip Of that nature So with regret, I would have to say it's a yes

It's a yes from me Excellent, I said yes No, I'm saying no for you i think you're quite trustworthy no i have got such a big wobbly mouth mate yeah people say this all the time don't tell anyone this right and then like within five minutes it's like did you hear what he just did oh i can't believe it to the wrong person yeah yeah well text to the person that's about i can't believe gary I can't believe Gary. I can't believe he sucked that man's dick for a day.

Send to Gary. So, all right. A point for me there, but not for you. No. Next question. If you visited a beach that turned out to be a nudist beach, would you strip off, be compromised, or C, leave straight away? What do they mean by compromise?

Just get your nuts out for a minute? Oh, I don't understand. It says here, go topless. So, you know, maybe keep your toes. Oh, we're ladies. We're ladies. This is ladies, remember? So we, I mean, obviously both of us do have tits.

Not those kind of tits. But let's just twist it a little bit, you know. Maybe you could get topless. Or, you know, just maybe stay in your undies. Basically saying do you compromise on some level? Do you meet them halfway? For me, no, I just leave. I'm option C.

I said C. I mean, call us prudish, but come on, it's no fun. I don't want to be exposing people to my horrendous junk. Having to sort of look at everyone else's. It's just not something that ever appealed to me. No. Naturalism, nudism. Barbara, I thought this was a nudist speech,

not a Gollum recreation web place. Web place? What does that even fucking mean? What are you talking about? I don't know. I don't even know what that means. You went really surreal there. I did.

Gollum recreation place. Oh, but no. A Gollum recreation web place place. Oh, but no. A Gollum Recreation web place. Which means nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what we should do a whole section. What? Gollum Recreation web place.

So, what do you think I said then to that? I think C for you as well. I put B. I would compromise. Oh, God. I'm not doing very well here. Because, you know, I mean, I would potentially get a bone on. I'd want to check it out a little bit. I'd leave eventually, but I'd take my top off.

When they asked you. By force. Yeah. Please, sir. We asked you to go topless, but don't stroke it. Stop pretending to be a golem. It's my precious. Oh, my precious.

Anyway, okay, so that. We'll check out the hobbitses on that. Oh, I bet he's got a precious ring. Oh, God. God, Paul. Paul. Put some effort into your fucking comedy, mate. Well, you know, we are where we are, Paul.

Yeah, I know. All right, OK, last question then. What's the biggest lie you've ever told? So, Eli, what's the biggest lie you've ever told? Again, this is quite difficult for me. Are we touching on quite sensitive subjects again this is quite difficult for me uh is this are we touching on quite sensitive subjects this is quite sensitive i had a friend farhad tiabji it's a boarding school yeah and uh we were very into music and farhad in fact because i've recently uh found him on facebook and

he's a reggae music promoter in seattle now so he was very passionate about music and we went to metal you know uh and metallica was one of the big bands and i just lied to him and told him that i'd been to a metallica gig and then uh kept it up for a number of years of all the lies really yeah i'm a you know generally an honest guy i don't lie what what have i lied to you about you coming down today That's a contingency Paul, you know, anyway So the biggest lie you ever told was I went to a Metallica concert

What did you think the biggest lie I ever told was? No, I don't owe you any money That's what I thought Yeah So I don't get a point there It's still one all though here because i don't still i still don't think the first one counts so still things like you

ever told i i'm very struggling to come up with something here but i think maybe when you used to work as an ebay seller you might have uh severely over hyped some of the products are you accusing me of fraud yes i would never do such a thing. It's a few years back now. They're not going to get you for it now, man. Is there a statute of limitations on stuff like that? I think there is. In that case, I was a fucking fraudster, mate.

You got me banged up. You know it. Yeah. No. Do you know what I put down for that? What? I love you. That is...

It's a lie people tell. It's a sad, sad lie. I've caught myself doing that. I'll tell you what, then, because it's a lie people tell. It's a sad, sad lie. I've caught myself doing that. I tell you what then, because it's one-all basically, we need a tiebreaker. So I'm going to find a tiebreak question, okay? A simple one, just yes or no.

Right, here we go. If this ends up being a draw as well, we'll just say we know each other reasonably well and move on. And then that's what it's meant to be a draw, isn't it? Well, I guess. If you play against other couples, it's meant to be a draw. It means you're in tune with each other. I that's a good point yeah let's just let's just do the let's just do this anyway right so final question see if we know each other well right have you ever cheated on a partner yes or no i'm gonna say that and i'm gonna say that for you

what do you think i think again it's i don't know in terms of relationships if there is a statute of limitations but no there isn't they'll punt you down and castrate you uh i'd say you probably have yeah i have i really have not recently in my past. Yes. But I definitely, for want of a better expression, span some plates. I wrote no for you. Well, now I have. Oh. Again, ancient history now.

But, you know, farm your animals don't count as a true relationship, Eli. That's just not funny. Sorry. It's not nearly as bad as my fucking golem at least the golem fucking web page thing had a bit of surreal you know to it me no one wants to think about me having sex with farm animals most people having sex with you don't want to think about what they're currently going through you know in general i think are you saying that it's so horrendous having sex with me that the thought of pretending i'm some kind of cow

or something would be preferable? I think there are Auschwitz survivors who take pity on the women who have been sexual with you. Flippin' heck. That's strong meat. Strong meat, Paul. That was a beyond the pale. I, Paul Gannon,

apologise unreservedly. You know, hashtag EliL matter right i apologize reservedly for the comments that i said they weren't clever they certainly weren't funny and i can only say i embarrassed myself and the good name of the cheap show podcast with that tired horrible analogy i'm sorry okay and with that in mind horrible analogy. I'm sorry. Okay. And with that in mind, a theme tune to end on. That's more like it. Who's best? Eli or Paul?

Let's find out. That'll do. Let's move on. Right, now, it is the Scrapbook of Crap part of the show. There are some little gems in our back catalogue that we took out of the show simply because they ran too long or they weren't funny or Eli was racist or sexist. I was never racist. How long do you have of your moments? I've seen your message board comments, mate. They're not cool.

I don't even use message boards. I don't know what that is. No, you don't. Anyway, there are bits we don't put in the show for time reasons and all kinds of things and i thought you know what let's bump out this show with the stuff that originally wasn't too good for the show yeah i think uh no one likes clip shows but you're getting one it's cheap you know it's it's it's a cheap way of making a show isn't it it's completely within our remit so you know we're still right we're still we still stand by our decisions if you've got a complaint if you've got a fucking complaint mate you listening to this right now i don't care we don't care do we well i i i care oh yeah your noodle fan club eli but i don't want to upset them can i just say now paul i'm looking at a pair of lovely pigeons.

As we speak. Are they doing anything nice? They're just roosting. Oh, roosting. They look like racers, though. They're big fat fuckers. Oh. Girth pigeons. They are like little balls, like football sized brown ball shaped.

Are you sure you're not looking at balls? I'm not looking at balls. I'm looking at pigeons. Alright, good. At least I just wanted to clarify that you recognise the difference between a ball and a pigeon. That's all I'm saying. What have we got to look forward to in these clips you got then, Paul? Well, we had some chocolate sent to us. I think you brought it, didn't you? Was it ding-dongs?

Not ding-dongs. What were they? They were chocolate things. Ding-dongs. Well, I didn't you? Was it ding-dongs? Not ding-dongs. What were they? They were chocolate things. Ding-dongs. Well, I didn't bring them. We did do ding-dongs. We did do ding-dongs. We did, though, didn't we? We did, but I didn't know we did do ding-dongs. I thought we'd put the ding-dongs in the episode. I know there's a chocolate thing I'm about to put into this show,

a clip, that we cut out, because it ran too long. Was it my sister's gourmet chocolates with bacon in there? No, we kept that in. I think it was ding-dongs. I think we didn't do ding-dongs. Yeah, do the ding-dongs now. Either way, we'll probably play the clip and it'll be like, anyway, here aren't ding-dongs. Here's some other

chocolate snack. Anyway, there's a snack that we tried that we were sent or Eli brought. I should have done the research for this. Yeah, wow. But we're going to put that in now. It's one of our cheap eats section of the show and we're going to put that in now it's one of our cheap eats section of the show and then we're going to follow that with a clip from the game show special we did because we played uh the price is right and that show is a long show anyway and so um we took out one of

the games because that ran long so we're going to be playing the game where we had to guess the price by reaching out into a bag and pulling out prices and guessing and that that's the clip we're going to put in that sounds very interesting i'm uh i'm uh waiting with bated breath i mean literally mate it's the best we're going to give them and look look we apologize for not giving you red hot raw brand new material but you've already had 40 odd minutes of it so what do you want yeah what do you want from us you're being very aggy towards our listenership aren't you i think you set me off because you couldn't be here today i had games planned and we're going to look into online dating and we had just save

all that good stuff for upcoming episodes i had magic tricks to show you look anyway here's some clips from shows that were crap and now we're seeing they're good. Enjoy. Enjoy. Next. Yeah. Mounds. Mounds. Is that what they're called? Oh, they are called mounds.

King size mounds. I've got king size mounds. I got king size mounds when I entered that game, Bobby. That is the running joke now. Yeah. Does it have to be gay? Yeah. Look, gay audiences know that we're gay friendly. That is the running joke now Yeah Of all the whole Does it have to be gay Yeah Look Gay audiences know

That we're gay friendly And I only use them As a reference Because I'm puerile And have no other Frame of reference To make jokes

Of that ilk Okay So I apologise If you're offended But ultimately We really don't care We don't If you're listening

To this show Christ As I say When people start listening And then they start complaining Then I'll start taking notes. Now, there's something I know about mounds. Yeah.

And that is that they are bounty. This is American bounty. Yeah. When I look at them now, they look like little bounties. They are. Not as pretty as bounties because bounties are very beautifully put together. I think it's just the transit from the States. They've got sweaty.

They've got a bit crumpled and sweaty. I can forgive that because i'll say transit will affect the quality overall i'm looking forward to this i don't mind bounties well have a mound yeah have a mound tell me what you think of that okay um what's it like they're like a knockoff bounty i mean it's fine you think you could tell the difference in a blind test between that and a bounty what's the difference a chocolate first of all is a bit more tart a bit more kind of

more like American style Hershey's style darker bitter it's more bitter than a bounty a little bit only a little bit

because you can taste the milk chocolate with a bounty and also the coconut filling is a bit is a bit more crumbly in a bounty which gives it a bit more texture

this is a very soft kind of damp yes squidgy I'm tasting it now and I bit more texture. This is a very soft, kind of damp. Yes. Squidgy. I'm tasting it now, and I think you're right. It is a moister.

Sorry, I know people don't like that word, but I'm just using the English language, all right? So fuck you. It's not more moist. Is moister a real word? I don't care. People don't like moist. They don't like the word moist.

It's like, fuck off. What's that coming over the hill? Is it a moister? Is it moister? It's a moister. It's like fuck off What's that coming over the hill Is it a moisture Is it moisture It's a moisture It's fine It's fine But it's just It's dark chocolate

Because you know You get two different types of bounty Don't you Yeah you can get dark and Yeah I've always preferred the dark myself I've always preferred the milk So that's not actually a distinction Because this is a dark chocolate

And coconut mound They're fine You say king size So are the regular ones Just a're fine. You say king size, so are those regular ones just a lot smaller? Does it say king size? I think it's the pack is king size. Oh, so you get four rather than two. In a normal bounty, you'd get two, wouldn't you?

This is like a double-sized bounty. Bounties are about the size of your thumb, by and large, aren't they? And they're about the size of maybe John Merrick's thumb. What? He had normal hands? You don't know, you never met him. As far as I know. Didn't his hands look like someone just gave him a lot of flesh-coloured, you know, cutlery?

It kind of looked like that. No. It was just his head. And his back, and his legs. Oh, really? Yeah, he couldn't sleep lying down, could he, and all that stuff. Poor old John Merrick. You know I'm waiting Just anticipating The pure taste of coconut

But while I'm waiting Bounty is moist, tender coconut Try a little tenderness Drenched in a sea of chocolate Try a little tenderness Discover new bounty The taste of paradise Right, should we play another round?

Yes We're going to play another round of The Price is Right So the next game we're going to play on the Price of Right Collection board box game Fantastico that cost me £2 in a charity shop is called... Right, so we're going to play the high-low game. It's not the high-low game. It's called Three Strikes.

Oh, yeah, we're playing Three Strikes. We've already done high-low. I'm not a very good quiz show master. We haven't established this. So here's what's going to happen. I'm going to pick an item out, one of these cards, which one of the prices. It could be a bag. It could be cufflinks.

It could be a stainless steel watch. It could be any of those. Okay. Right, so do you want to go first with this? Sure. All right, cool. So we're going to start with a nine carat white gold diamond necklace, right? Okay.

So I know the price of this. I'm going to look at the price on the back and put the correct coins in. So I'll look away. Look away while I get the right price out. Okay, I got it. Ready? Eli. Yes.

Are you ready to play? I'm ready. So in this bag, there are a bunch of numbers, and those numbers line up to the cost of the prize. What you're going to do is reach into the bag, pull a number out, and guess where it goes in the number. It's a five, it's a five digit number.

And, um, so that's fine. Yeah. If you put it, if you get the right number, you put it in the wrong place. It goes back in the bag.

If you get the right number out and you put it in the right place, it stays on the board. Okay. Keep on going until you either get it right and you win, or you pull out the strike, the X three times in which case you lose. Okay. All right. So I'm ready for case you lose. All right, so.

I'm ready for my first number. All right, here we go. So, white gold necklace. First number is an eight. Eight. So where do you think the eight goes? You are wrong. Put it back in the thing.

It does not go in the fourth position. All right, keep going. You sure you know how to play this? Yeah, this is exactly how it goes. It's a bit long-winded, but it works It's a strike! One strike already! Now you've got to put it back in the bag

Because there's only one strike So it has to keep in the system Shake the bag Pull out a card Pull out a number even Don't shake it that often How often do you need to shake it for? Oh, fuck off

I'll shake it as much as I fucking want Right, okay What is it? How do I know you only put one X in here? There's only one X There's only one X in the bag, in the whole set. It's a seven.

Where do you think the seven goes? Oh, no. I'm going to give you a clue. It's not there. Maybe at the end. I'll get you started. It's right at the very end.

Right, there you go. So it's blank, blank, blank, dot, blank, seven. Right, you got one right. Just to help you with moving on. So put another one out. What was that?

Basically, because it doesn't tell you if it's nine or six, they're all nines. So, I will say that isn't the right place, though. So, you've already got two right. Okay. Shaking the bag. Keeps on going. What number is that?

That's another nine, and it's in the wrong place. So, put it back into the bag. Shaky, shaky, shaky. What number is that? One. Where do you think one goes? Remember, you're playing for a nine-carat gold necklace. Where does it go?

What do you think the price is? Where will it go? At the beginning, at the end, in the middle? Who knows? Think carefully. Oh, come on. Fucking hell. No, it doesn't go there

Put it back in the bag Shake shake shake Come on speed this up Speed this up This is boring Yeah it is boring Speed it up Speed it up

I want to get an X Remember the more you take out The more chance you've got an X So that's another nine Where do you think that nine goes? No it does not go the first position Put it back in the bag Keep shaking it

Shaking it Shaking it Shaking it baby Shaking it shaking it. Shaking it, baby, shaking it. Shaking it, shaking it. X. That's two strikes, one more strike, and you eat a bean. Keep shaking it. He just wanted me to eat a bean.

Yeah, I want you to eat a bean. This is impossible. It's not impossible. It's fucking bullshit. You're two right so far. Go on. Fucking bullshit. It's not bullshit.

You're just crap. Eight. Right, where does the eight go? Come on, think. Where does the eight go? Is it, think. Where does the eight go? Is it at the beginning? No, it's not. That is not going to be worth 800-odd quid.

Ridiculous. Grow up, you stupid prick. Oh, he's got it. What's that number? Eight. It does not go there either. Back in the bag. It does not go in the fourth position.

Back in the bag it goes, you bellend. One. Where does not go in the fourth position. Back in the bag it goes, you bellend. One. Where does the one go? It does go at the beginning. That's right. You've got three in now. Two to go. Shake the bag.

Keep it going. This music's annoying. Eight. Now where does the eight go? Does it go in the third or fourth position? No, it does not go in the fourth position. Put it back into the bag and shake it all up. Keep on going. Keep on going.

Keep on going. Nine. It does indeed. So that was only two left. Remember, you're going to get this right or you're going to get an X now. So this is the decider. Boom! Oh, fuck you!

Fuck off! I will not be eating a bean! Bastard! Yeah, so that's how much it costs. £198.97. What a load of bollocks. Your turn. Eat the bean.

Right, so that goes there. My turn. All right, okay, so I'm not going to look. Come over here and put those numbers in this bag. The X is already in the bag. Look, see, to prove it, the X is in the bag. So what prize am I playing for today on three strikes? On three strikes today, Paul,

you're playing for the wooden baby cot. The wooden baby cot? Yes. If you've got a baby, you put it in the cot. A wooden baby? I think it will take

any kind of baby. All right, let's see how this goes then. All right, here we go. Right, so I'm going to shakey, shakey, shakey. Shake the bag. I'm going to do this

a lot quicker than you. So that's Right, so I'm going to shakey, shakey, shakey. Shake the bag. I'm going to do this a lot quicker than you. So that's an eight. I'm going to put the eight there, fourth position. Wrong. Oh, shit, back in the bag. Shakey, shakey, shakey. Here we go, racing through this. I'm going to pick another one out.

It's seven. I'm going to put the seven in the same position. Wrong. Oh, fuck. All right, okay. You can so eat a bean. You're chomping beans all the way home. Is it a 9 or a 6?

Tell me that at least. It's a 9. Okay, so 9. I'm going to put the 9 in the 4th position. Correct. Alright, cool. I was going to get the 4th position. I wanted to get that one out of the way.

Shakey, shaky, shaky, shaky, shaky. Alright, okay. Strike. Oh, yeah, it was. How you f***ing psychic prick? Alright, back in the bag it goes. Shakey, shaky, shaky. right okay strike oh yeah it was how are you psychic prick all right back in the back it goes shaky shaky shaky reaching in grabbing the bean it is a strike again you've only got one left you're so terrible at this everything i don't have this is why i don't gamble yeah you're not good you haven't got much luck have you eight okay

uh i'm gonna put that at the end That's correct Oh okay good That's fine Alright okay Shakey shaky shaky You've only got one strike mate I know Shakey shaky

I'm going to grab this one Zero I'm going to say that's in the middle Because it wouldn't be at the end That's correct Alright okay So I might not eat a jelly bean You might

I might not eat a jelly bean Here we go Shakey shaky shaky And it is Alex Fuck this Oh God I might not. Eat a jelly bean. Here we go. Shaky, shaky, shaky. And it is... The X. Fuck this. Eat the... Oh.

God. It's not fair. Eat the bean. Let's see if we can get a real nice one for you. Now, you've lucked out. No, I haven't lucked out. That's the point of this game. You've eaten three beans,

and only one of them has been the nasty one, right? I guess that's where I can count my lucky chickens. So, mate, let's see if your luck continues. Oh. What is it? Buttered popcorn or rotten egg? Now, this one is really nasty, isn't it? I know, this is nasty as shit, this one.

Now, let me see. What colour is that? Is it that one? No, that's green. It's more a yellowy kind of one, isn't it? Yeah, it'd be a yellow one that one yeah so it's either popcorn or what eggs rotten eggs oh come on give it here it's gonna be eggs oh no stop making that noise.

Seriously, are you okay? Oh, this has been the best show ever. I don't like it. Wow. I just can't lose. And we're back. We hope you enjoyed those clips. But now it's time for us to say bye-bye for yet another Scrapbook of Crap episode.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. If you want to follow us, first of all, you can follow us on Twitter, at The Cheap Show Pod. I'm also at Paul Gannon Show, Eli. I am Eli Snoyd. It's E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. I am your

automatic lover. I've got to start tweeting, but I don't know what to tweet, you know? Well, apparently noodles. You could be the online noodle expert. You know what? On our Twitter account for Cheap Show, today, two noodle companies have started following us. Really? Yeah yeah it's fucking

crazy mate so anyway you can follow us on there also we're going to do an ask eli agony ant section so if you have any questions that eli can answer keep them upbeat obviously if you're being abused or in a horrible relationship or have a drugs and money problem we have our own issues with that ourselves so we can't help you But if you want to know more about noodles, you have questions, just email us and make sure the title says Ask Eli, and you can send that to thecheapshowpod at gmail.co.uk. gmail.co.uk. That sounds unusual.

I think it might be gmail.com. Yeah, I think it is. Anyway, it's thecheapshow. Actually, it's thecheapshow at gmail.com. I know, I fucked it anyway whatever whatever it's a slapdash scrapbook show

send those into there and in a future episode we'll get round to reading those out also we're on Barschens every Friday a new video on YouTube if you want to follow us there

and see what Eli gets up to because you've got a few videos coming up with Barry and Stuart so yes there's the one where i judged the plaster scene um that's a great one yeah and also uh your mouth thing we do oh no that's not gonna that's gonna end the uh the reign of the evil yeah we refrain from doing

close-ups on that video so you're gonna be all right anyway there's lots more good barshans for if you don't know how we spell it it's simple it's b-a-A-R-S-H-E-N-S or Bars Hens, if that helps. Don't start that whole kettle of fish, mate. People get really annoyed about the logo. It's yellow, but it should be white. It's white, but it should be yellow. I can't sleep. Just the thought of someone not being able to sleep

because of the logo of the YouTube channel. You get that. It's crazy. Anyway, we're on there every Friday having a laugh with Barry and Stuart. Join us there on there. But other than that, get in touch. Also, if you like this podcast, we have 25 bloody episodes in our back catalogue. You can join in, some live, some not.

If you like what you listen to, if you enjoyed what you heard, please rate, subscribe and review on iTunes or whatever independent app store you use to download this podcast and support us because that helps us grow our audience and it helps us eventually beg for money at a later date when we can justify it. Do you have any things to say, Eli, before we sign off? Just keep the faith, everyone. And thanks for listening. And yeah, we'll be back with some more faith, everyone, and thanks for listening and we'll be back with some more fun cheap show shenanigans very soon.

Very soon. By very soon, probably a couple of weeks. Anyway, sign us off, Eli. Send us out with a jaunty motto. Everybody's got bumholes!

That'll do. I'll take it. Goodbye.