CheapShow - Ep 264: Buzby Time

Episode Date: January 14, 2022

Paul & Eli are back in the House of Mash & Egg for another, simple, regular, no frills, super normal episode of CheapShow. This week, the cheap chaps dive into Eli's record collection to uncover a new charity shop purchase. If you are too young to remember, you'll have no idea what "Buzby" is. To be fair, Paul and Eli don't really remember it either, but it brings them back around to talking about Bernard Cribbins, which is nice! He seems nice. If you have ever wondered what a 1970s promotional pop single for the national phone service sounds like, you'll find out in this week's podcast. In fact, if it wasn't for Eli's instance that Paul tries some hot sauce and chili candy, this would be quite the musical episode! Are you ready for "Fizzy Gravy (The Cod Song)"? You won't be! See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-264-buzby-time And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

That's something we haven't explored. What haven't we explored? Cod. That's a word. How do you want to explore it? Tell me how you want to explore it. Have you started recording now? Is that what's happening?

No, no, no. No, I wouldn't do that to you, mate. Something along the lines of, I've just chucked my cod off into the river. So anyone's wondering if things are going to change in 2022. Into the river, spod off! Paul, I've chucked a cod. Into the river, spod off! Paul, I've chucked a cod off. Into the river, spod off.

Go and fetch your rod off. Fishing. Catch my cod in the river, spod off. Catch my cod in the river, spod. Spod me off. Spod me off. Catch my... We haven't had enough of that lately.

I've been sitting in my gravy all night since I shat in the bath. Baby, baby. I've been sitting in my gravy since I shat in the bath. Oh, baby, baby. I can imagine that as a nice, kind of nice soul disco hit.

I can imagine it. Look, we should return to that, but I think what's on the top of the agenda right now, Paul, is to introduce the listeners to Cheap Show. My bath was full of bubbles until I got the grubbles. Who came out? Right, hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I'm just sitting in my gravy as I shat myself in the bath.

I've been sitting in my gravy since I shat in the bath, oh baby. Who's that gravy? It's my own gravy. Who's that gravy? Fizzy, fizzy gravy. Right, right. So, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I go for the bargain into the charity shops of Great Britain and bring you the treasures we find amongst the

trash. Welcome in. Why don't you? Amongst? Amongst the trash? Amongst the trash. Among the we find amongst the trash. Welcome in. Why don't you? Amongst? Amongst the trash? Amongst the trash. Among the trash. Among the trash.

I think you would be among the trash if you were like in a, like with some low people, and they were trash, you know? Among the trash. But if you're amongst the trash, I have nothing. You have fucking nothing. Welcome to the podcast, everyone. Oh, God. Can we start again?

No. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. I'm gonna have to learn to fucking accept Cheap Show Off-brand brand off-brand brand off Cheap Show

It's the price of shade Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheat Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Hello, welcome to the podcast. I'm Dashing Paul Gannon and with me is... It's Eli Silverman, Paul.

Furious Eli Silverman Paul And Eli's not Furious Eli Silverman I'm not quite prepared For the cut and thrust Of how we're going at this This is a truncated Condensed Super fast episode

No it's not It's a super fast Can we be very robust Can I robustly cut and thrust As I move through Hey shut up Just for a second How about

I explain what's going on? There's nothing fucking going on. You've cut the segments in half. I haven't. And I have to... The thing that used to be a proper segment of the show, the source report, a fucking building pillar,

a standing stone, a foundational rock, on which this tattered podcast... Oh, you shut up. You boring fucking cunt. On which this... Fucking hell. On which this tattered podcast... Oh, you shut up! You boring fucking cunt! On which this... Fucking hell! On which this tattered podcast once draped...

Here's the plan. Let me explain to the audience. The source report. The plan. The source report. That is... Who's the boss? It is the sauce.

That is not important right now. Let me talk. It's your loss. Shut up! I'll fucking clout you. It's your loss if you forget the sauce, man. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm actually saying.

Here's the plan for the first few weeks, stroke months of Cheap Show this year. Stroke months? Is that a wacky month? Mate! I need to get this information out, so just give me the time to do it, and then you can do all the chodney-rodney,

bar-off-car-off, arty-jarky-modernist. No, I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say anything like that. Please be normal. Just for a bit to say anything like that please be normal just for a bit what do you mean be normal

we were having a lovely chat before this kicked out and then as you're in the toilet warming up mentally I can hear the Chodney's coming

you're sitting there pissing going Chodney I was not I was not and I knew the minute you walked into this room I'd say something like

the Eli I know walks out and the twat I do a podcast with walks in okay I'm sorry alright tell him you're busy and everything.

Fucking hell. So, shut up. Even now you're still talking. Shut up. I can't wait to do a live show, Paul and we'll see

which side of the bread it's buttered. I don't know. You on your live shows is just, you turn up with a flash ground and you don't do much.

Except get all the laughs. So, going forward for the next few weeks of cheap show i need to write my write my fucking book which i i haven't touched in ages and i need to concentrate and find days on it but because cheap show takes about two or so days to edit i want to give myself an extra day so i can make the editing simpler it just means taking out a segment of the show so rather than like 90 minute episodes we can do an hour for the next few weeks. You know what I'm saying? That's all I'm saying. You said 45 minutes. Your goal is 45 minutes.

45 to 60 minutes. That's the corporate front I'm saying. It's just the corporate front of Paul. It won't be any fewer than 45 minutes and it won't be any more than an hour. That sounds like bullshit. Already I'm thinking this is going to be a 90 minute episode.

No, it's not. It's not, Paul. Let's move on. It's the source report time. So I just thought the structure is usually cold open, intro, two segments, outro. And what I wanted to do was do cold open, intro and segment, and then a segment, and then outro. So we're losing a segment in all. You're really peeling back the sweaty beef curtain of the show.

The slime. Diarrhea. He's got a film of slime over it, the beef curtain of the show that you're putting back. Because of his syntactic vomit that's been coming out of his fucking gobble, I've decided to drop your sauce segment now for the opening of this thing. No, no! Well, I'm sorry. Don't punish, you can't punish.

I am punishing you because I'm your boss. You're punishing everyone. I'm your boss. You're punishing everyone with dropping the sauce. Come on. Mate, let's look at the past year. Your sauce reports, no one's liking them as much. The noodle special went down like the sauce. Come on. Mate, let's look at the past year. Your source reports, no one's liking them as much. The noodle special went down

like the Titanic. Thousands screaming. Multiple dead. Let's just taste this sauce. Blockbuster movies made about it a hundred years later. They like the hat though. There's been a lot of engagement

with that hat. Yeah, great. The biggest thing you brought to Cheap Show recently is your fucking hat that makes you look like a touch of frost. Did we have any other sort of

unfinished facts that we needed to cram in from last week? Yeah, Doctor Who was in. Oh yeah. Doctor Who was in it, yeah. So yeah, there's another scene we were going to talk about

but we just didn't find the time stroke forgot which was in the film a Colin Baker, the sixth Doctor plays the guy who has the knickers. This is Dangerous Davis,

the last detective which we covered in last week's episode. Quite forensic detail. For new listeners. Yes. Hello new listeners. Oh no, the listeners have all which we covered in last week's episode. Quite forensic detail. For new listeners. Yes. Hello, new listeners. Oh, no, the listeners have all gone by now.

Anyone who decides to give this episode a try this year has listened to the first fucking, like, five minutes of your gob nastiness. As I open this source for the source report. No, that's not happening. I'll be eating the source. I mean, going forward. You do what you want.

Going forward, I'll be eating the source. So what? Going forward, you'll just be surreptitiously having sauce? And reporting on it. I mean, that's what the source report is. And we agreed on the source report. No, you'll just be surreptitiously having sauce and reporting on it and then that's what the sauce report is and we agreed

on the sauce report no you know what mate you fucking do it because that means I can edit out 10 minutes of this podcast and make it shorter so you talk for as long

as you want and I'll let it record and then when it comes down to it snippity pip snippity pop out goes the segment oppity plop I need your support

on the sauce segment Paul do you why because I need you to taste the sauce with me. Pete, you're valued. No, I don't seem to be valued. You're the sauce-tasting element on this show.

The corporate front of cheap show now, apparently. Well, I just... Look, that's what it's a dynamic. I undercut you on that. You have to be there to tell me the sauce is good or not. Usually not. Right? Come on.

It's a very brief sauce report. I'm giving you 90 seconds to do a sauce report now. Thank you. You've just heard from the boss. Now it's time for the sauce. Yes, that's right. It's the sauce report, everybody. Back to basics.

Back to normal. Back to a hot sauce. And that's what the sauce is all about for me, Paul. That's what got me into sauce in the first place. Hot sauce. Any views on hot sauce? Just to add something there. Yeah, when you put them in your mouth, they tend to be hot.

Hot. I have your spoon for the tastings of the sauces. Okay? So I'm going to put this on this nice hygienic piece of paper here. I'm balancing your spoon there. Just for everyone else listening, I have now died inside. The last ember of light has flickered away from the matchstick of my heart. We're tasting some green hot sauce today, Paul.

Snuffed out. Do-do-do-do-do-do. I should do that. Jamaica Valley is the brand, and it has a sort of mascot of a Jamaican lady in a chef's suit, but she has the Jamaican flag, I believe. I'm going to stick an apple up my arse. Over the side. You can see pictures of the sauces and other things in this show on our website.

And then I'm going to stick a fucking lemon up my arse. You're going to stick a lemon up your arse. Why? Oh, I'm not listening. I'm just talking. I want you to support the source report. Hashtag support the support. Report support.

As you can see. Report support. Source support. Support support. Support. How about that? As you can see. Yeah.

It's par for the course. I'm going to stick a grape up my arse. Paul is fucking denigrating the source. Par for the course. He denigrates the source. All rightse Paul is fucking denigrating the sauce par for the course he denigrates the sauce alright this episode is becoming like a Dr Seuss book

this is Jamaican Valley green scotch bonnet peppers where did you get it from why do I care what's going on I got it from a Caribbean shop

up in Wood Green lovely now I'm going to give it a huff yeah ooh that's really what i was hoping for that from this it's a very grassy almost like a green pepper i mean it is green peppers but

almost like you know a green bell pepper that you'd have just in a salad green scotch bonnet so scotch bonnet what kind of peppers that they're quite hot and they're the ones that look like those scotch hats they're wrinkly do you mean scotch hats scotch bonnets like a beret like a scotch bonnet. Like an Hey You Jimmy hat. What's a Hey You Jimmy hat? You know, the Crankies wore them or whatever. The Jimmy.

Oi, Jimmy. No, he wore a schoolboy's cap. Not him. Doesn't matter. Jimmy Cranky didn't wear a wee jocky Jimmy hat or whatever it was called. You said, a wee jock my lad. He wore a schoolboy's hat.

Who was it? Was that one Russ Abbott did? Oh, yeah. Let's use Russ Abbott as a great barometer of Scottish identity. I'm saying he had a fucking Scotch bonnet on. He had a beret, didn't he? A kind of weird... Do you want me to look up Scotch bonnet image?

No. Scotch bonnet? Yes. Stop being such a dick and smell the sauce. All right. I'm going to smell the... It's very green. I want a report on the huff on this.

It's almost kind of like bright, translucent green almost. Very. It's got a kind of reanimator hue to it. It certainly does. I love a green hot sauce. Oh, yeah. It does have a kind of cross between like the herbiness of the grass, like you say. Let me say one word.

And then a kind of HP sauce. Yeah, grassy. And that's what you want from a greener sauce. Gracious. So a red sauce, you're hoping that to have more of the sweeter, more tomatoey sort of umami end of things. Do you know what I mean? Whereas this has more grassy. This might be quite hot.

All right. Does it say how hot it is by any barometer? There's no... It's just sauce, mate. There's a Scottish flag on the side. You see that? No, that's a Jamaican flag. Oh.

But for my money, I think Jamaican hot sauce is in my top three sort of places to get hot sauce from in the world. It's what got me into it in the first place. Encona. Here we go. Here we go. Pass me the spoon.

The spoon has been handed. Let's have a taste of this sauce now, Paul. Wonderful. Here we go. Spoon, hot sauce, scotch bonnet pepper, green. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Very vinegary. Oh, and peppery, like black peppery. You know what I mean? Oh, extremely peppery and vinegary. That would go nice with a sausage. You always say that. Like a pork sausage. Oh, yeah, it would actually, yes.

I won't say that. Well, I mean, what hot sauce wouldn't go nicely with a pork sausage? Name one. See, this is where you get in there, everyone. See? So it just fits, doesn't it? It may be correct, but it's one of those things that just is correct just because it always is correct.

Do you know what I mean? It's a binary. It's a fucking... You know what I'm saying? Just try harder. A little harder. Anyway, that's more than 90 seconds, so congratulations.

Can I want a fucking... A little breakdown of what you thought of that sauce. Thoughts? It was a hot sauce, like the countless many we've had on this show before,

except this one was a little bit more vinegary and kind of watery in some respect. It had chunks of pepper. It didn't really have much flavour to it. It had chunks of pepper in it. Yeah, it had glibberly bits in it. So you'd give it a low score then, would you, Paul? At three out of five.

You didn't like it? No, I liked it fine, but it wasn't exactly a standout. Not a lot going on in terms of complexity, was it? What would you have it with? What sausage? I would have that with, oh, God, yeah, pork product. Oh,

that would cut through. Porky chops. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? Some nice pork chops and some hot sauce on the side. Or you could have a vegan alternative. I'm not,

you know, like a nut cutlet or whatever the fuckers eat. Vegan. I'm not anti-vegan. We're in dry vaginary. Hello. What?

It's dry vaginary again, isn't it? What does that mean? Vegan January or whatever they call it. Veganuary. Oh, so you thought if you were witty and you could turn it into a vagina-based gag. But you get dry January, don't you?

And you also get veganuary. So I've put the two together, Paul. That's all. And I'm going to have a dry vaginary. That's interesting because my penis, every once a year, I have crustmus. Oh, mate. I just want to stop there.

That was good enough. I think that's good enough actually to stop there. Do you have another segment you want to talk about? Sauce report over. Yeah, that's it. Well, yeah.

That's it. We did the sauce, didn't we? Yeah, we did. I just thought you said you had something else going on. You said you had sauce and something else. No, I just had this sauce

on the shelf and I wanted to check it out. I want to try those gummies. Oh, on. You said you had sauce and something else. No, I just had this sauce on the shelf and I wanted to check it out. I want to try those gummies. Oh, yes. The hot gummies. Here we go. Did we talk about them last week briefly or did we just have a conversation about them last week? No, these were sent in by a friend of the show, Mark Allen.

He does. He has tried a bit of chili tasting. He's done it sort of not competitively, but he's looked into the world of competitive chili tasting. What are the parameters of that? Is it just how much hot you can hold in your mouth? Generally, you start with a basic. You've got a lineup of contestants. Right.

And then you start with a basic chili. Right. Everyone eats that. No sauce, just the chili. Yeah, usually the whole chili, just like a chili. Yeah. And that's usually it. You just have to eat the whole thing.

One each round. And then it's the next round. Right. It'll be a slightly hotter one. Right. And someone might drop out there and go, no, I can't take it. Oh just have to eat the whole thing. One at each round. And then it's the next round. Right. It'll be a slightly hotter one. Right. And someone might drop out there and go, no, I can't take it. Oh, I can't do that. So it's like knockout with increasing intensities.

Until there's one person standing. Yeah. Screaming, my throat, my precious throat. And they must have sort of, you know, if there's a tie at the end. Yeah. You know, they must have wore a tie. Both people can go all the way to the highest. Maybe if there's a tie, one of them has to put a hot coal in their mouth.

Now these are gummies. Now we've had some gummies that have chilli in on the show before haven't we? A few years ago yeah but I remember those quite enjoying them.

They're chilli minis which were from Pakistan and they were really nice. Not too hot but they were nice. It can work as a combo of course. Well it's because

a lot of them forget to put the flavour in they just go hot gummy. But that was like you could taste the fruit still. Well I'd sort of draw a line between

people who actually want to make a nice taste in confection and others who are just getting on the gimmick of making it hot. Like those beans or whatever. Punishment and toy foods, which chilli sometimes falls into. This looks like it falls into that category of just being ridiculous. This is Satan's Spawn. Hot Heads, Satan's Spawn.

Angelic little gummy bears with a twisted dark side. Which is... They're chilly hot. Habanero. Okay. Is the chilli in this. Which has long since lost its luster in terms of the hottest boy on the block. It's about as hot as a Scotch bonnet.

They're about the same level. In my Scotchy bonnet. I'm going to hand you one of these teddies. They're red gummy teddies. Oh, bigger gummy than I expected. And softer. One of those mini gummy bears. Yeah, because those other ones we had were quite tough and kind of rubbery almost.

And they were nice because the texture suited it. But this is more of a Haribo texture. Mark did try these and apparently he says they're pretty intense. So, you ready? Intense? They're pretty hot. Really? Yeah, apparently.

Oh, here we go then. All right. First bite. Nice juice. Orange flavour, isn't it? Yeah. No heat so far. I'm getting. Oh, hang on. There's All right. First bite, nice juice. Orange flavour, isn't it? Yeah. No heat so far. I'm getting.

Oh, hang on. There's quite a lot of heat in that. Quite nice though. Actually, really nice. That was not that hot. It's not burning at all, your mouth at all. No, I mean, I'm getting the sparkle of it all in my mouth. You know, the kind of hot spark of it all.

There's definitely heat there. Yeah. You're good with heat. You do heat well, don't you? Yeah, to some extent. After a while, when it loses all flavour to just eat, then I lose interest,

if that makes sense. When it gets too hot and it starts hurting your mouth. Yeah, and then I don't enjoy it. They were okay. I don't know if I'd go for another one. I'd give those four out of five. Really? You like that?

You couldn't pound the whole bag of them in a night, but... You could have a couple, couldn't you? Yeah. Get a bit of a chili hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all right. Yeah.

You got some water there. Do you want to drink your water? No, you drink your coffee instead. Well, I enjoyed that, that candy. Anything else? Oh, we've got these Twix winter spice. No, I'm drawing the line at Twix. You probably won't taste it now anyway.

You drawing the line at Twix? I'm drawing the line at Twix. You drawing two lines? Two lines, yeah. Crustmas. I'm giving two fingers to Twix. I'm breaking the crustmas on your knobness. I'm giving two fingers to the Twix.

And all the goo weeps out. What? Your crusty, thrushy helmet. No, you just pick the crust off and then it all seeps out. Then you can give it a dabbing. That's one of the crust-mas traditions. The little men come along and they break the crust on the crust-mas helmet. What, on the little toffee hammer?

The treacle all runs down. There's no treacle. Into their little snow cones. No, it's not like you crack it open. They've got slushies and they put your knob bleed into their slushies like a dirty slushie. So the crustmus elves come round with a toffeehammer, bash the top of my penis to release the crust. You're getting it now. And then the seepage is then harvested for some kind of...

A slushie, like a Mr. Slushie. And then who buys that? The elves? No, they keep it in between themselves. They enjoy it themselves. So they all just enjoy my sap? Yeah, it's not a very popular festival. No, it's not. In fact, I won't be celebrating it next year

as a result of all this fucking horror. You should know, it's your knob which forms the helmet. The crusty helmet of knob-nob-mus. Not knob-mus. It'sy helmet of knob-muss. Not knob-muss. It's Merry Christmas and Happy Knob Year. Why are we even talking about this? This is meant to be the new year's, man.

So, alright, there we go. That's our first segment. I'm going to expect better from you going forward. What do you mean? More unusual or cheaper or more things that are on brand, not just here's some sauce, mate. Can I have some on a spoon? If it ain't broke, don't fix it, man.

What's the sauce report been about? It's just been about sauce all the time. It's just sauce, Paul. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't change its sauce. You can lead a sauce to water. Right, well, while Eli has his emotional breakdown... Yeah, listen, I'm a loud one every other episode, aren't I?

What, a mental breakdown? Uh-oh. Yeah, you're crying. All right, all right, I'm all right. Yeah, are you though? Because I'm not really sure. What are we doing on the show this week? Today, this week, we are looking through more of your platters, your charity shop finds.

And we haven't done a platter, a proper platter in a while. A proper platter in a while? We haven't done a proper platter in a while. Oh, I know. I haven't dropped a proper platter in a while. Don't let it... No, just please. You need a hard reset.

Oh, don't let it splatter. I've just dropped a proper platter. Right, good. Okay, well, that's what's happening next. So join us for that segment then, Ben. Okay. Right, I'll do the intro for this bit then, shall I. Right, good. Okay, well, that's what's happening next. So join us for that segment then, Ben. Okay. Right, I'll do the intro for this bit then, shall I?

No, wait. I just want to give everyone a little notice. In the last segment, Eli laughed so hard he wet the couch he was on. And so he's now had to put a towel down.

You're such a dick. All this name calling, you're like a frat boy. You're like, Hey, Alpha! Alpha Cheapus forever! What are you sitting in front of? He's wet, alpha cheapers forever. What are you sitting in front of?

He's wet himself trying to shame me. What are you sitting in front of? Trying to bladder shame me. You're trying to old man bladder tain a lady for men

shame me. Old man bladder. Aren't you? Aren't you? Eli pissed himself. Ah, that's good. That's the tone you want going forward, is it?

Eli pissed himself. Actually, that's what you actually want, is it, Paul? That's what you, that's. Actually, that's what you actually want, is it, Paul? That's what you want. Can I answer, please? He's going to keep on talking. I can keep on talking.

No, I know. I can keep on talking. Do you want me to answer that? Ask me the question straightly and directly and I will answer. Are you pee-pee shaming my pee-pee hole and saying it? Yes, I am. I spilt some Perrier water. That's what the middle class say when they piss themselves, isn't it? hole and saying it. Yes, I am. I spilt some Perrier water. If you must.

If everyone must. That's what the middle class say when they piss themselves, isn't it? Listen, Perrier ain't middle class no more, mate. Isn't it? No, no more. I've got 60p. For fuck's sake. How's that?

Perrier is shit and all. I don't agree with that. Why? Because the bubble's going too quickly. Because it goes weak. The bubble's going too quickly. It goes flat too quickly. Well, I happen to like the taste of it.

It tastes metallic-y afterwards as well. Paul is on the Highland Spring. Do you like that? Okay, Jimmy Manu. I got that especially for you. Thank you. Especially for me. And you want people to think that I'm a grown man who wets himself whilst...

Ideally, yes. Doing a podcast. I mean... That's what you want us to do. That's what we want people to think. I work with this guy. He's a bit of... He's, you know, funny guy and everything. But he pisses himself all the time. That's what you want people to think I work with this guy he's a bit of he's you know funny guy and everything

but he's all he pisses himself all the time that's what you want people to think I mean ideally yes that's what you want people to think of you ideally yes that would be nice and he

I mean the thing thing is and then he that Paul he makes he makes fun of his co-host who pisses himself all the time

well then don't pee yourself anymore then it'll be fine oh here we go stop doing it and it'll be fine this is Eli fucks dogs all over again it's all you can fucking do well you stop doing that all the time. Well then don't pee yourself anymore then, it'll be fine. Oh, here we go. Stop doing it and it'll be fine. This is Eli fucks dogs all over again. It's all you can fucking do.

Well you stopped doing that in the end, didn't you? You stopped doing that in the end, didn't you? Eli's got a dirty bum. Eli's got this. You know what I mean? Eli's pissed himself.

Eli's come up the wall or whatever. Shat the bed. I have never shat the bed. Can I do the intro for this bit now, please? Yes, please do for the Silverman's platter

segment of the show i'm going to hand it over to little baby wet wipes to do this show here we go hello everybody and i just wanted a phrase it's not because i think you know he's got it you know there's overall incontinence or illness behind this i just wanted to be showing that you know he gives up on holding and controlling his bladder in moments of hysteria you are actually going full in on this you're going all in on this thing which made him laugh so much pp came out his tip tip it did not it did i spilled perrier on the sofa yeah well right i don't want to do the rest of the show now yay hello everybody it's time for the section of the show

where we look at some musical numbers on vinyl. It is Silverman's Platos. And... Are you going to do that? The patron saint. Yes. This segment has a patron saint. It does.

Clyde McFatter is the patron saint of Silverman's Platos. And you know what, Paul? Yes. He usually says something here because he likes to introduce it. He does, yeah. He's quite into that. I've got this 80s sort of doctor's pager thing.

Yeah. He's paged me. Oh, what's he said? Well, it just says, you know. Can I read it out? No, it doesn't say anything. It just says, you've been paged, certainly.

Yeah, but doesn't it leave a message? Well, that's enough, isn't it? He's got in contact with the show. But what if he's left a message saying he wants to say something? Oh, you don't call him. He just pages you. You don't follow him out. No, when you page someone, there are two reasons.

One is you send them a message or you page them to say to call. I've never seen a pager. I've never saw a pager in my life. So therefore, what are you fucking doing? I was going to give you just an example, a piece of technology. I have no idea how it works. Is there little messages on it, even early ones? I thought it just beeped. It just beeps, doesn't it?

It does two functions. You could put a beep sound effect in and it would seem like I knew what I was talking about. Well, no, I'm not going to do it now. I'm a spy, aren't I? There's Clyde McFatterpool. Beep, beep. There he is. Beep, beep.

All those beeps, do you know what they mean? It's asking you to call him. All right. Okay, I'll call him. Call him now. Beep, beep. It's ringing. Ring, beep. Oh, those beeps. Do you know what they mean? It's asking you to call him. All right. Okay, I'll call him. Call him now. Beep, beep. It's ringing. Ring, ring.

He's not answering. Hello? Hi, Clyde. Hello? It's Eli. Can you do the intro for the show, please? Oh, sorry. I was just messing you to say I wasn't available to do it this week.

Well, you're here. You're on the show now. Anyway, got to go. Bye. You can't do it this week. Well, you're here on the show now. Anyway, got to go. Bye. You can't do it, Paul. That broke him for some reason. Now, Paul, what have we got on the show? Well, what have you found for us?

What are we starting with? We've got two records. We're starting with Busby. And I think we should start with Busby because, you know, following on from our apparently season of Bernard Cribbins remembrances.

Cribbins? Where did you find that by the way? Of course, was Dangerous Davis in the film that we covered on last week's episode.

But he's so much more. He's like the face of Jack and Norrie. You know, he was in a few carry-on films, a bit of Doctor Who. And he was behind,

you know, what could arguably be called the greatest novelty record of all time, Right Said Fred. Yes. Was it called Right record of all time, Right Said Fred. Yes. Was it called Right Said Fred? Yeah, Right Said Fred.

It was the second song after Hole in the Ground. Both songs feature a very similar theme of like workers on a construction site or, you know. But then the third that he made was Gossip Calypso. And all three of those were produced by the Beatles producer. George Martin. Round 62, 61, 62. This is before the Beatles producer... George Martin. Round 62? 61, 62.

This is before the Beatles. Well, that's what I was going to ask you, because you said George Martin worked on kids' records. He was the head of the children's record department in... Was it Parlophone? I couldn't... I don't know. I don't know the story. But, I mean, it's part of the reason why he's called the fifth Beatle or whatever,

because he added that whole sort of fantasy soundscape that was texture to some of those later albums. Okay. Didn't he? Do you see what I mean? Like Yellow Submarine, the whole soundscape of Yellow Submarine, that song. Do you know what I mean?

All of that stuff. Well, this is funny because... Yeah, that's my favourite bit, all that stuff. I love that. I don't know. Food, food. Come to dinner. Oh, he's wet the bed again. He's wet the couch again. I haven't.

Here's the other question, though. Right, fine, you don't wet yourself. But why can't you put lids on bottles? That's what I don't understand. I don't know, I like to get wet. I like to get splishy-splashy, man. Yeah, well, fair enough.ids on bottles? That's what I don't understand. I don't know. I like to get wet. I like to get splishy splashy, man. Yeah, well, fair enough.

You know what I mean? Get loose. There's officially more water in and around you than there is in you right now with that bottle. It's all right. I'm done. I'm done. Yeah, you're all empty now.

You can't just move the towel from behind you to there. Oh, come on. Don't stamp on it twice and think, yeah, that's a good job done. My sock is all soaked. Oh, come on. Don't stamp on it twice and think, yeah, that's a good job done. My sock is all soaked. Yeah, I know. So, I haven't got shoes on.

What's interesting about this track is that we'll be going back to the Ellis Marine a little bit later. The record that you've got today is by Bernard Cribbins and it's called what?

The A side. This is a demo on Pi Records that I have. Demo? You can see by the big A that means it's a demo record, which means it wasn't released. Oh, right. I didn't

know that. Well, it may have been released, but this isn't the release. This is the demo. This is the one that the radio stations would have been sent, maybe? Yeah. I don't know their demo. Yeah, so sales reps. I think they get sent out to the record shops, but anyone always with the big A means it's a demo. Yeah. But this is what i'm saying

it's like what's interesting about this is that the song is called what again sorry uh make someone happy every day make someone happy every day and it's based on an advertisement that was initially started by the post office in the 70s before it got changed to british telecom because i think was it the post office used to run the phone line systems in the 70s version? So this must be the post office version. Well, this is where I get a little bit fuzzy on the details because the post office used to own the phone company as well. That's what I'm thinking. And then

80s came along. It must be because this is essentially, it's a propaganda or an advert encouraging people to use the phone. Effectively, yeah. But I also wonder if that's kind of accidental, the message. Because the adverts were Busby, which is a yellow cartoon bird of some kind. He wasn't a telephone, Buzz Buzz.

No, but he was a bird. He's a yellow bird. Yeah. He likes... I don't remember that. Oh, there he's on the phone now. He's on the phone. He's sitting on a wire, like a telephone wire could be.

And he's got a big red phone. And he's on the phone. he's got a t-shirt on. I quite like the artwork of him. Well, we'll get into that in a second, but interestingly, right, Busby was on a bunch of adverts that was, as you say, encouraging people to use the phone. No, just to call people for the nice things. Remember the adverts where it was

like, the yellow pages, not just there for the nasty things in life. Yes, but isn't that reminiscent of that Noel Edmonds Hallmark cash-in single that we covered on this segment before, Paul? Do you remember? Encouraging people to send a letter card, basically. Yeah, by buying one from Hallmark or whatever the company was. Whoever that special person is, do you remember?

He's like that, you know, just make their day. I hope this record really brightens up their day. And then on the other side, there was some terrible saccharine sort of thing. No, that was the A side. The B side had like a song taken from the popular charts at the day. And then on the other side there was some terrible saccharine sort of thing. Love the one and the... No, that was the A side. The B side had like a song taken from the popular charts at the time. Yes.

To kind of say, oh, is it? Anyway, this is similar in that it's basically just saying it, you know... Via song. But the message of the advert... It's playing on people's emotions

of wanting to be close to people they're not around and using that to sell the service. It just seems weird because like these days it's weird to think of an advert encouraging you to use the service it just seems weird because like these days it's it's weird to think of an advert encouraging you to use the phone system in this country make someone happy so it's like you cheer someone up by calling the adverts and i'll put i'll put an example of one

in now the advert always like busby on the phone and he has a conversation with another cartoon animal about something daft there's one about this well they haven't heard the song yet. No, we're going to put the advert in first to put context in. So here's the advert. Boomtown, scrapyard. Hello, Hudson? It's Busby. Busby? My old friend.

Hudson, you old dog, you. What have you been up to? Well, Busby, I've been meaning to come round and see you, but I've been tied up lately. Ah, you rascal. Been chasing the milkman again? Well, yeah. And you know that cute little poodle up the road?

Yeah. He keeps asking about you. No. And apparently the character must have been a success because then they rolled out this kind of, I don't even know

what you want to call it. What would you, why would they release it? Do you reckon it would have been a hit? 78 this is. So maybe it was the telecom. I think it was around then,

wasn't it? Well, it says here in the Wikipedia page, it says, Busby appeared in a number of TV adverts with the catchphrase, make someone happy with a phone call. The voice in the adverts was by Bernard Cribbins,

and the character was created by Trick Film Studios in London. There was loads of advertising campaigns, toys, badges, a comic strip in TV comic books, apparently, and even a wristwatch, a Busby wristwatch, which I seem to remember as a kid. I don't think I ever had one.

Nice item. But it was Busby purchased on the second hand, and the watch had a blue strap, it says here. But at some point, yeah, the advert range was launched in 76, so this Busby thing was a 70s creation, and it lasted until it became British Telecom. Right, so this is still...

So when did that song come out? 78 so i'm good two years into the um into the process into the campaign yeah anyway the song the height of the campaign maybe yeah so everyone would have been aware of it just another little notice uh thing i noticed paul yeah there's not for sale there you see that's how you can tell it's a demo as well you see up there it says I wonder if it was released in the charts. I don't know. I'll have a look on Discogs. Here's the clip of the song. Make someone happy every day. Busby featuring Bernard Cribbins.

Hello, Busby residents. Busby speaking. Make someone happy every day. There's always something nice to say. Friends to talk to, friends to hear. Never ever shed a tear. Make someone happy every day.

Make someone happy every day. He's a fluffy little fella on the telephone line. When you see him he makes you smile every time He's a friend to everyone

He's the one who makes it fun He's fuzz, he makes someone happy every day There's always something nice to say Friends to talk to Friends to hear So there you go. You've heard it. What do you think of it?

Well, it's, you know, quite well produced. It is. And you know what it reminded me of? And I think I said this to you when we were listening to it. It has that Wombles, Mike Batt vibe to it. Very much so. And a sort of Beatles-esque sort of melody. Poppy, upbeat, kind of cheery kids chorus.

But the Wombles is a lot better. Well, I was going to say the Wombles must have been about the same time as this song. Because in 78 he was doing the Wombles song, wasn't he? Or he's the voice of the Wombles on the TV show. Because Mike Batt sang the actual songs, right? Yes. And he also wrote the Wombles. Wombling free. The Wombles of W TV show. Because Mike Batt sang the actual songs, right? Yes, and he also wrote the Wombling 3, the Wombles of Wimbledon coming our way. So there's an interesting kind of through line to all of this

where it's like Wombles and Mike Batt and this song. Wombles were one of my first things, you know. I wanted to go to Wimbledon to see if there were Wombles. You wanted to get it on with a... Captain Orinoco up the flu. No, I was going to say Madame whatever it is, Panache or whatever her name is. What's her name?

Madame Trixie Bell. I don't know. I can't remember. I thought they were a big thing. It was a kid's thing, wasn't it? Apparently Orinoco, you remember very fondly. That gave you the Orinoco flow,

didn't it? This was written by R. Morgan and C. Chapman. Don't know. Very little information online about that song. It doesn't tell you if it charted, didn't tell you...

All I know is that it got released on that label, Pi, in 1978. It's a bit saccharine, isn't it? It's one of those things where it's not horribly offensive and the verses are quite upbeat, but the chorus kind of doesn't really work. Doesn't really work.

And another thing I thought while listening to it is that Caribbean could actually put a tune out. Oh, yeah, because even though those songs... Because I thought, think of him as sort of... Right Side Fred is a bit sort of spoken word, isn't it? He sings it, but it's more sing-songy in a way that doesn't really tax the vocal cords.

But he does a bit more gymnastics on this record, and especially on the flip, which is just a tune called Busby, he says he does this bit where he goes sing like an opera singer and he sort of does an impression of Carrera. Like that. So he's doing sort of more tricksy stuff like with his vocals. It just feels like, who's the guy who did the,

my old man's a dustman, Lonnie Donegan. The first kind of proper skiffle hit on the charts. Right Said Fred's got a bit of that skiffle feel to it. And the interesting thing about that is that when the Beatles are coming through and all these new acts, it was the first time you were hearing regional accents in songs. Because most songs were affected with this RP or fake American twang. And so people like Lonnie Donegan and then the success of that allowed them

to kind of go, right, Fred. And actually have English accents. You know, estuary accents. Regional accents. Yeah.

And it allowed the songs to have more of an identity, I guess. Yes. So Cribbins didn't have to sing hard, he just had to... I'm just saying, it's quite a proficient vocal performance from him. And I didn't think of him as a singer, really. No, even though he had three hits with George Martin, weirdly, in the early 60s. Yeah. And so Busby is a bit better, a bit sort of more swinging.

Well, the B-side, yes. Shall we play a bit of the B-side now. Play that now. Play the B-side. Hey, have you heard about what's going around? They've spread the word about a certain bird about town. Though he's no nightingale, he's right on the ball Cause he's good news from beak to tail

I know somebody's with it all Who goes around with a heck of a smile on his pecker? Oh, Busby does Who does that fancy tight flyin' without even tryin'? Oh, Busby does. Who does that fancy tight flying without even trying? Oh, Busby does. And now you should see him soaring, swooping, zooming through the atmosphere. Good old Busby, loop the looping.

Get that pigeon out of here. Who always gets it all swinging I prefer it. Yes, so do I. And often we complain that the B-side is just tossed off, but you don't get the feeling there, do you? It's better. I actually think it's better.

And it feels like it's had just as much effort put in as well, funnily enough. I wonder if this did... Maybe this never chart... Maybe it never was released properly. Well, the thing is, the adverts were huge. The character was obviously in everyone's consciousness because everyone wore the T-shirts

and Busby this and that. And I vaguely remember Busby growing up because in that period, there were all characters like that. There was bloody Tufty the squirrel helped road safety and all that kind of stuff. And that was Cribbin as well.

Tufty the squirrel. He did the voice for Tufty. Oh shit, he did as well. And in Hornsby train sets, he did the voice for that. He's done a lot of voice work and a lot for... I guess kids know him best. I guess that's why we are fond of him. Because he was a big part of our childhoods

and probably definitely our parents' childhoods even. Because they were seeing him in the carry-on films in the 60s, like Carry On Jack. He worked for years and years, didn't he? Oh, yeah, he's been bashing out at plays and films. Let's just hope the curse doesn't... Look, mate, he's in his 90s. It's just a roll of the dice? Oh yeah, he's been bashed out of plays and films. Let's just hope the curse doesn't... Look, mate, he's in his 90s.

It's just a roll of the dice. I know, that's why I feel bad. We're going to keep talking about him week after week. Some week he'll die. It's not as if we fucking mentioned Bob Saget last week though,

is it? No. You know what I mean? Don't worry about it. There is no curse. Okay. He's pulling his collar. So,

I want to just go on a little tangent again about this Busby song because the animated bird which was yellow then became slightly more orange in the later years you can see it there yeah

had a bunch of adverts and they were animated and what I found out which was I thought really interesting was the fact that the guy who designed Busby is actually an artist of note and he worked on the Yellow Submarine movie.

And this is Trick. Trick Films, is that right? Let me just get that page back up again. Bear with me a minute. I believe you said it was Trick Films was his company. Trick Films. And a guy called Charlie Jenkins. And Charlie Jenkins worked on the Yellow Submarine movie.

And one of his things that he was famous for, but kind of he started pioneering, was rotoscoping. So all those scenes at the Penny Lane bit at the beginning. Yes, I was going to say, what he started pioneering is rotoscoping rotoscoping so all those scenes at the Penny Lane bit at the beginning is it Penny Lane or Eleanor Rigby is he

Eleanor Rigby that's all rotoscoping trippy rotoscoping bits and the bit where the Yellowstone Marine travels through time to get into the other space that's all him

you know and he had a big he brought in as well the art directors and things like that so between the three or four of them those people

he developed that technique yeah and then it was used by Bakshi on his abortive, some would say, Lord of the Rings attempt, wasn't it? It's not new. Disney hit on that. For instance, Snow White was effectively rotoscoped because they would take a filmed motion of the woman playing Snow White

and then draw over that to get the fluid motion. In fact, if you look at... Draw onto the film cell itself. Yeah, to get the motion. So the woman didn't look like... And that's what rotoscoping is, sort of. It's a treatment done onto the actual film cells. Is that right?

I'm not quite sure on the specifics of it. Isn't it animating on top of... Putting something on top of the actual film? Yeah. What was that... Oh, bloody... There was a Philip K. Dick adaptation. That's what I was thinking of.

Through a scanner darkly. Yeah. I never saw that, but it looked great. Yeah, I mean, I love the novel. Yeah. But it's incredibly dark. One of Philip K. Dick's darkest novels. Real head fuck, that book.

A really nasty, dark, paranoid, dark place. Let's do a Philip K. Dick book about Busby and stuff. You know, Busby, Tufty, all the icons of that era. All in a sort of hell together. The Green Cross Codeman, David Prowse, whatever his name is. He keeps coming up as well. I saw him in real life, you know. The Green Cross Code man. David Prowse or whatever his name is. He keeps coming up as well.

I saw him in real life you know. The Green Cross Code man or David Prowse. David Prowse. I guess they're the same person. He was in the guys.

He wasn't doing Darth Vader. No. So wait. He was as the Green Cross Code man when you saw him. Yes I went to a cinema

and we watched one of these terrible sort of children's film fun films. Foundation ones. But it was like a Saturday film club thing. I vaguely remember my school had something like that as well. I mean my dad just took fun foundation ones but it was like a Saturday film club thing I vaguely remember

my school had something like that as well I mean my dad just took me to it it was like I want to get this fucking kid out of my sight for a few hours

no he came in with me I don't know what it was but I didn't go regularly it was just once he took me every now and then you'd go and it'd be no only once

I can remember that he took me I guess that's why it sticks in my mind was it because David Prowse was going to be there I think so

because he knew I liked Star Wars yeah but was he doing that before or after star wars after he wasn't the green cross code man beforehand i don't i mean i don't know still the green cross code man afterwards true that and so he just we saw this very boring film one of those children's you know and then he was there and he and i wanted to ask him why do you make the breathing noises so what He was there dressed as the Green Cross Codeman. Yeah. Answering questions. Look across the road kids. I was in Star Wars. Now I'm fucking telling

kids I have to cross the road. I wasn't particularly impressed but you know. No but did you know he played Star Wars? Did he play Star Wars? I mean Darth Vader. Of course. Have you been listening to what I'm saying? Yeah but even as a kid you knew that was the actor in the suit even though the voice was not his. Yes.

No, I just knew he was in the suit. Weird. I mean, I didn't know about the voice. I just knew he was the guy who was in the suit. I didn't worry about the voice. I didn't think one thing or the other about the voice. I didn't think, is his voice his voice, or is it not his voice?

No, but the whole thing about him is that he's just tall. Because it's not his voice, and when they reveal him in Return of the Jedi, it's not his face. Yeah. So I in Return of the Jedi it's not his face. Yeah. So I'd be fucking pissed off if I was David Prowse. I bet Lucas was called out and can't Prowse.

I ain't going to fucking even put nothing in your view. Yeah, David Prowse sitting at home and his phone rings. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello? And it's Anthony Daniels

and he's like ha, ha, ha, ha. You're not in Star Wars. I am. You're not. Hangs up. Anthony Daniels is a very nice man

he's apparently not though is he really he's a knob he's dead isn't he no C-3PO he's still around

in fact I think he's got more Star Wars credits than any other person ever associated with Star Wars because every time someone goes do you want to voice C-3PO in some bullshit video game

or advert or whatever he's made a whole career of being that character. Yeah, and being very protective over it. Is he? Yeah, apparently he's the right miserable cunt. Oh.

I mean... Well, the character... This is all the people's opinions and stories. Listen, if you look at the original trilogy, the character's a bit of a twat, isn't he? C-3PO. Yeah. No one likes C-3PO.

No, because he's a dick. He wants to obey authority, doesn't he? He just wants to... He wants to... You know, he's a sniveling piece of shit, doesn't he? He just wants to... He wants to... You know, he's a snivelling piece of shit, isn't he? It's more like he's there to, like, flummox people. He's there to show you that the stakes are too big. You know what I mean?

He's there to go, you'll never defeat the Empire, master. But he's negging everyone out all the time. That's why R2-D2 is always like, fucking shut up, freaky-o. Well, I agree with R2 on this. Well, everyone sides with R2. I know, because he's a prick. Yeah. So that's why R2D2 is always like fucking shut up well I don't agree with R2 on this well everyone sides with R2

I know because he's a prick yeah so that's what I'm saying if he's a prick in real life the character's a prick fuck off

R2's like this fucking cunt follows me around all fucking time I want to be free I want to hang out with BB8 these days he's a big cool

new buddy are they buddies have they had a touching scene a touching scene where they rub their balls up R2D2 and BB8 big ball 8 rub this big ball on her Anthony Daniels. Are they buddies? Have they had a touching scene? A touching scene? Where they rub their balls up against each other.

What do you do to a BB-8? Yeah. Big ball eight. Yeah. Big ball on it. That's what BB stands for. Big ball. Big ball eight.

Rod to dick to. Rod to dick to. I went to the river, I throwed in a cod. What river was it? It was the river spot. I'm swimming in my gravy tonight. No, no, no.

Perhaps we can get the cod into the fizzy gravy. Cod in the fizzy. Cod in the fizzy gravy. Cod in the fizzy gravy. Fizzy gravy. Whose gravy is it? It's my own gravy. I'm sitting in my gravy in a lukewarm bath.

My fizzy, fizzy gravy. Bubbles of gravy popping all over my thighs. I thought it was a fart, but it turned out being a shot. I'm in my gravy. Sitting in my own savoury gravy. If anyone's listening who'd like to produce this as an official track, I am very much open for it. Let's do it for Christmas number one.

Yeah, Christmas number one. We're going to raise money and we're going to call it... Sitting in my gravy. And then it brackets my own fizzy gravy. Yeah. No, brackets. Brackets the cod song.

Right. Are we done with that? Well, Busby, we've... Have we done Busby? We've done the connection with the yellow submarine. Yeah, we've done the yellow submarine. We've done the guy

who did the rotoscoping. We've no other songs related to Busby. the Yellow Submarine. Yeah, we've done the Yellow Submarine, we've done the guy who did the rotoscoping, we've, no other songs related to Busby. It reminds me of another song we covered, the Postcode song as well, Paul,

it's similar to that. Yes. Where they used to, you used to have, it's unthinkable now, like so many genres of novelty records, and that Boston Gas thing

we did a few years ago. It's pretty unthinkable now to think of the Post Office having a song out do you know what i mean yeah but they had said why don't why don't modern companies do that why don't like facebook release a song yeah think about it use facebook to wake up every day and hate your life use facebook you'll want to end it all because of the timeline and everyone's more successful than you though all the friends you grew up in your school. I don't think they do that in the song.

No? No. It'd be more ballady. It's like, think of a world where you're still in touch. You can speak to your mom, but not too much. She's on the other side of the world. You can speak with the lens and just remember that you've got some international friends. Yeah, I like this.

But yes, it is the equivalent, isn't it? And those type of songs don't exist. The postcode song. It's shitter, it's shitter, it's shitter every day. The postcode literally was a song saying, get ready for this change in the way we're administrating the mail. Do you know what I mean? And they thought the best way to do that would be via song.

But Britain is a country that can have novelty song successes, so it's not too out of the thought of... You know what? You know what I mean? Imagine there was a song, you know, when they went from 01 to 0171? Imagine when they changed that, if there was a song out.

It'd be too confusing because if you're doing a lyric where you have to repeat information and then tell them new information and you've got, it's not 01 anymore or it's 0171 instead. 01, 01, 017, 01.

It's like, what is it? 01701 or 01, 01, 01? Well, you'd have to remember it. You'd have to write it better than you've just attempted to, wouldn't you? Well, yeah. I guess the latest one we had of that, actually,

was the Brexit clip. Mike reads Brexit clips, though. And also, wasn't there a song called Dog Police or something? Dog police, nobody knows what you are. Woof, woof. That one. No, Dog Police. My arsehole.

Dog police your arsehole Dog Police, your arsehole They do, because it's It's insecure Dog Police, music video, 1983 I've never heard of this Does it go woof, woof? I'll edit a proper version here I love this was it a cartoon

it's men in dog masks he's not a guy Was there a cartoon? It's men in dog masks. He's not a guy in a dog mask, Paul. He's freaking me out. Was this like Sparks or something? This is weird. This is all like... Wink, wink, isn't it? Dog police.

Who are they going to arrest? Oh, there's a sleazy bar. It is sparked. There's a guy in a moustache there. The dog police are going to come. Is she a dog? She's got something on her face. Yeah!

Oh, it's like Jacob's Ladder or something. Oh, it's weird. She's got a funny dog. Oh, it's weird. She's got a funny dog. Okay, there's a little person serving her. I think I've fallen asleep. I'm not doing the podcast. It's a nightmarish video, man.

When's he going to say dog police? He's never going to say dog police. There's no chorus. It just keeps going on and on. Is he going to say dog police? Okay, I'm frightened by this, Paul. Paul? There's the dog police as well. Why?

Who's it by? Dog police? It's by dog police. Are you joking? Dog police is a short-lived 1980s new wave band from Memphis, Tennessee that briefly gained notoriety because of their song dog police in 83 the video was featured at mtv's late night show basement tapes and was on heavy rotation throughout 84 blah blah blah i've never heard of that at all till this moment well i'm surprised that actually surprises me dog police i never i've

never seen that record i have no idea about that record the band was inspired by new wave pioneers devo except you know devo you know will legit the credible you know the incredible music it's always a bad idea if you want to be a successful group if you your first song i reckon is actually the name of the band as well 80 you know what i mean it doesn't not people i'm going to take you seriously then well the album was self-titled as well. 82. You know what I mean? Not people I'm going to take you seriously then. Well, the album was self-titled as well, Dog Police. Dog Police is Dog Police on Dog Police Police.

Yeah. It's like if I had a record like, you know, Chodney Sporoff and my name, and the name's Chodney. There was 10 songs on the album

called 1-800 Are You Middle Class Enough? I'm Butch and Positive Reinforcement. It's all very sort of arch, isn't it? And sort of weird. The song tells very sort of arch, isn't it? Weird.

The song tells the story of a young man who takes a woman out for a blind date. He describes her as a chick from the canine scene who scratches a flea when she gets out of the car, but he appears to be enamoured with her nonetheless. They have a seat and order drinks at the Lone Star Bar. I know, this is what I just watched. But when the man comes back from the brief trip to the bathroom, he finds that his date is being arrested by the dog police. The second verse implies that the man went to have puppies with his date went on to have puppies yeah it says went on to have puppies yeah went on yeah that's what i got mate so is it a

platter or a splatter mr silverman a splatter it's a splatter for me as well like it sounds like a bunch of cows being fucking toyed with by some kind of... Yeah? Midnight poo man. Yeah, the midnight poo man. Children, you better go to bed, otherwise the midnight poo man's going to get you. He certainly will. What noise does he make? He goes... Oh, the stables!

The stables! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm the midnight poo man. Calm down or you're going to have another Perrier incident. There's no Perrier left. There's no Perrier left. I'm the Midnight Pooh Man Calm down or you're going to have another Perrier incident There's no Perrier left There's no Perrier left I'm the Midnight Pooh Man and I do what I can

Shut up I do all I can because I'm the Midnight Pooh Man I do all I can I am the Midnight Pooh Man and I do all I can

to put a poppy on your head I'm going to have a poppy on your head. I'm going to have a bath in some gravy. It's my own. I'm doing a... Sitting in my gravy. Brackets. The Cod Song by Midnight Pooh Man.

Christmas 2022. You heard it here first. Oh, we've run out of time once again this week on cheap show but don't worry we're back next week with more economy comedy fun and uh yes go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk we have a page for every single episode so if you want to see pictures and or videos that accompany those episodes go to cheapshow.co.uk and you can see the pictures there um also on our website it's a one-stop shop for everything you need if you want to go to our merch page or tony's merch page or events cheap show magazine uh website and order all the lovely stuff from there you can again go to cheap show.co.uk and also if you

want to be a patron that would be lovely go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show give what you can but only if you can is that everything oh? All of the... Oh, no, P.O. Box. I haven't pimped that in a while. If you'd like to send us anything random you find in the charity shop for a future bin bag episode, or if you have anything cool, like a price of shite or a record or vinyl,

give it to us at Cheap Show, P.O. Box 1309, Harrow, HA19QJ. And also, every podcast app, when you listen to our podcast through it, we'll have all the metadata for this episode, so you can go to those links directly through this very episode you're listening to. Paul, Paul, Paul,

you said there was something very special arrived in the PO box. Yeah, something really cool came the other day. We're going to see it next week. Next week. I didn't want to cram it into this one because I wanted to give it proper time. Is it something you'd cram in?

Yeah, you could. Really? You could really jiggle in. You could jiggle in? Yeah, you have to put a little bit of a lube on it. And then you fucking stick it in your arsehole. You could probably sit on it and let it slowly sink. I don't know why I say things like that.

I do. Attention seeking. Well, you don't give me no attention do you? So, what else? We're on Facebook and Instagram. Look for Cheap Show or Cheap Show Pod. But ultimately we no attention, do you? So, what else? No, we're on Facebook and Instagram. Look for Cheap Show or Cheap Show Pod. But ultimately,

we're most active on Twitter. So, at the Cheap Show Pod. I'm active. I'm at Paul Gannon Show and Eli is... I'm active on Twitter. It just sounds like... It sounds dirty, doesn't it?

No. What is your YouTube? No, what is your... YouTube, Paul? What is my YouTube? Twitter. You've got three seconds or you don't get to say it at all.

Eli Snoyd. And that is spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Thank you. And Eli, I believe you have an extracurricular activity outside of this podcast that you'd also like to promote. I also have a music show

on Soho Radio every two weeks on a Sunday from two till four, the House of Pickles Sound Show. But if you miss it or you're international, I believe you can find it on their website,

past shows. You can, and you can also go to Blogspot, House of Pickles sound show. What was that? Codstop.

I didn't do this to you. I didn't fucking interrupt you, did I? Codstop. Blogspot or something. Just do a Google search for the House of Pickles sound show

and you can find back copies of it. And, lots of things to look forward to. We are hopefully planning two live shows. Two live shows. One's going to be a crossover and the other one will be for our 300th episode. And that will probably happen around June, I think. Oh, June now.

Because the plan is we'll record it around June, but I'll edit it and it will go out in September when episode 300 goes out is that the little intimate live show we're talking about no I might scrap that all together

just for the sake of my sanity because we're all going to be filming Digitizer series 2 this year so I'm trying to figure out

how much time I can give to things because I don't have time for my book well that's only going to be a week isn't it Digitizer

I don't know because we've got different plans for this show we're going to be filming it throughout the year there'll be bits and pieces.

We're going to be out more outside stuff and more strange features and things. So it won't be just one heavy week again. It will probably be spread out over a few months. That's the plan anyway. But as a result, yeah, two live shows this year. Stay tuned.

And people who follow us on Patreon, by the way, will get discounts to those live shows and early access to tickets. There'll be noodle content and sauce content, if I've got anything to say. No, there couldn't be a live show without it, so I wouldn't deny you it for a live show. Could I bring a wet noodle along? If you want to bring a wet noodle or sauce.

Maybe I'll put some noodles in the flask and I could sort of drape them. Maybe you could do some kind of George's Marvelous Medicine-y kind of thing and do a hodgepodge of all kind of splodge. I don't make hodgepodges of splodge. You should, though, for our live show. Why? Do the ultimate hot sauce noodle. People would be disgusted. I'll let you eat it off my caping bumhole.

I'll eat my splodge off your bumhole. Yeah. Could I dry it out like a cake of splodge? No. It's going to be matted. Well, in that case, Matthew, I'm out. Oh, sorry. Well, see you next week on Dragon's Den.

Matthew? That's from. Oh, sorry. Well, see you next week on Dragon's Den. Matthew. That's from fucking... What? You bet. No, Matthew's from Stars in Their Eyes. No, Matthew Corbett. No, that's who you look like, Matthew Corbett. I don't look like Matthew Corbett.

With the ginger beard. That's it. I should have brought that up. You look like Corbett. Where's Sooty? All right. No, actually... Touch of frost.

That's fucking... What? That's too close to home. What with Sally, you know? We're not mentioning Sally. Oh, what? We're not mentioning what happened ever again. I think we should because everyone heard it.

No. And it was very rude, disrespectful to me is what people were saying. No, it doesn't matter. What happened with Sally? It doesn't matter what happened. I think you need to come clean because this is something that keeps... You came clean into a puppet's mouth paul sally was being operated by you she's not just a puppet she is and she's a marionette i don't

even want to know she's dirty she's not just physically covered in booking our show she's not been booking our show she's a hand puppet and this keeps keeps bubbling up doesn't it keeps coming back since the fucking 50th episode or whatever. Was that 150? I don't know. It's 150. I don't know. It was 150, I think,

when I was outed. As a puppet fucker. Yeah. And now it's happening again. And now I've decided I'm going to own it. I'm going to be proud of my puppet fucking... I just don't want you to do it around me, okay? Pretending there's a phone call

and then wanking yourself off, essentially, in my corridor as if you're being subversive and naughty and having sex with someone behind my back. I mean, it's you wanking. That's the reality. That's the base reality of it, Paul.

I won't have you speak about Sally. She's not a real person. She's real to me. She serves my needs. I don't want to hear from her. She's got a gentle touch. Well, I don't want to hear from her because I don't believe she exists, okay?

Well, it doesn't matter what you believe, does it? I won't be going over the schedule with her as we planned next Tuesday. I won't have that meeting. I'm not having a Zoom meeting with you and Sally again, okay? It's just her. It's fucking disgusting.

You are there. I'm not there. It's Sally. It's not, and it's disgusting. I don't want to see spunk flying onto her fucking felt face. Sally's a sock puppet, everybody. She doesn't. She just likes making bread.

Just turn the thing off. Bye, everyone. See you next week.