CheapShow - Ep 268: Saturday Morning Showdown Part Two

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Last Week Paul and Eli pulled apart what made Tiswas and Swap Shop work, and this week it’s part two of their Saturday Morning Showdown! The 2nd generation of kid’s breakfast TV shows were Number 73 on the ITV regions and Saturday Superstore from the BBC. Both are very different to each other, and in some respects, from the trailblazing programmes that came before them. The question is, “Which is the ULTIMATE show?” Will nostalgia cloud our opinions or has distance made us more critical? Which one has Sarah Greene in? That will probably be the best one. Ahem. The Cheap Chaps have amassed another collection of clips to review as well as some of the purchasable merchandise that came with the shows at the time of broadcast! You can expect tie-in books, novelty songs and even something lovely to pin to your lapel! At the end of the day, only one of these shows can be crowned Overlord of Saturday Morning and Paul and Eli have a lot to think about in this proper chunky edition of the economy comedy podcast. They also have a LOT of angry opinions on Mike Reid, Paul reveals his childhood crushes and Eli reveals WAY too much about his local swimming pool antics! It’s a shocker! Somewhere in between the mucky talk, weird asides and bitter rants, there is an actual podcast in here! Sometimes… See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-268-saturday-morning-showdown-part-2 And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid You can watch full videos on Stuart Millard’s YouTube channel for more retro tv deconstruction: https://www.youtube.com/c/StuartMillard @franticplanet Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Good morning! It's Saturday, it's Cheap Show and it's part two of our Saturday Morning Showdown! I'm Paul! And I'm Eli! Come on in and join us! Come on everyone! Come down here! No, come on! Come down here! No, don't put that in there! Put that back! Put that down! You little shit! Take that out of your rectal passage!

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheat Show. And I go and I nuzzle.

So yeah, it is part two of our Saturday morning showdown. Oh! So this is the showdown bit we'll be at the end of the day where we'll decide which of the four. Empirically and objectively, which is the greatest children's Saturday morning TV show, British TV show of all time. Of all time.

And last week we did Swap Shop and we did Tears Was. Tears Was. And it was interesting. One of the funny benefits of recording this two parts separately is that we got to hear the audience reaction on that episode and a lot of people said yeah it did feel like the bbc was kind of very you know safe middle class cozy kind of anarchy whereas tis was was more working class more kind of earthy yes but also it's about the sort of um the fact like i said at the time that the bbc was sort of has to yeah play is regulated to a certain degree, is more regulated.

It has to be more responsible, I guess. Yeah. And Tiz was independently produced. So yeah, Swap Shop was more of a show for, you know, kids who like collecting stamps and spotting trains. And Tiz was, was more for kids who like farting into their hands, cupping it and throwing it in your face in school. Yeah. I did that. Did you do that to people?

Oh, well, I would. You monster. And I get the blame. I get the blame. I wouldn't, didn't do that. No. When you fart, it just seems like you're about to people? I would... Be a monster. And I get the blame. I get the blame. I wouldn't... Didn't do that. No. When you fart, it just seems like

you're about to have a stroke. It's every time you fart looks like you're going to die. It's just upsetting. That's not... Listen, you'd be sorry if I did fart and die. Mate, you...

Don't say bad stuff like that. should hold their breath and force a fart out. I don't do that. You do. No, I don't. I just hear you go, just because I'm...

And pull a proper Popeye face and fucking squirt out. Just because I've got a rigorous, healthy sphincter muddle. You don't have anything rigorous. I've got muslage down there. I know for a fact.

I've got fucking robust. I have empirical evidence that your anus isn't healthy. It is. It's not. All right, don't talk about the incident. Yeah, we're not going to talk about it, but that is my back pocket

pull out when I need to moments of, Eli, your ass is bad. You know, I'm just going to say it. I don't want to talk about this, and I think we should start the episode again. No. No, we were doing well then. Then it's a personal attack on me.

I love it. I love it. I love it. So. I've got to have a girlfriend at some point the rest of my life. If you say I've got some kind of strainy some point rest of my life if you say I've got some kind of strainy arse

weird what if she listens and likes that she goes oh I've always wanted a guy with a baggy bin bag arsehole I've always wanted to go with a guy

whose farts smell like Chernobyl I want a person who when they let rip we have to vacate the house because the stench is so that's not true I stingingly awful that's not true that true brings up my dinner my farts are on on a spectrum of

vileness my farts are about in the center just like any other normal person they are if your farts were political they'd be a far-right hate group shut up they fucking would How dare you call my farts bigoted now. Yeah, it's true though. Fucking hell. Anyway, so this week on the show, we're talking about the other half of this equation. We're going to be looking at number 73. Is it an equation? Yes, it is an equation.

But where's the plus and the minuses? Swap shop. Plus. Plus Tiz was. No, isn't Tiz was. Times by Saturday Superstore divided by number 73 equals best Saturday morning TV show. I've done the maths.

Now, are we going to start with number 73 this week? Part two with 73. Now, I don't know a great deal about 73. But chronologically, are we keeping on the same chronology here? Well, effectively, Tiz was... Don't you have the piece of paper with the dates on it anymore? No, I threw that out. You don't remember, do you?

I'm running by the piece of paper with the dates on it anymore effectively no I threw that out so you don't remember do you I'm running by the the heat of my pants yeah no such phrase the heat of your pants is there's no such phrase running by the heat of my pants well you fart

let out some latent heat and then it gives you energy it gives you warm you've got wet farts your farts aren't healthy they're very wet my farts are more burbly yes

yeah they're very burbly. They're more kind of foot in a swamp kind of sound, aren't they? Whereas yours are more like tearing leather. Yeah. They've got rip. They've got robust musculature. That is not loose arse. That's the musculature.

Rigid. In the same way a person who can't play the trumpet tries to lick the mouthpiece and squirt it out. Like a mouthpiece on a trumpet. Exactly. Rigid. Health. Resonating with a healthy frequency.

Whereas I'm more like a good old-fashioned tuba. You're like a fucking... Pom, pom, pom, pom, pom, pom, pom. That's me. And you're... Pom, pom, pom, pom, pom, pom, pom. You're like a black bin bag filled with liquefied kittens. All slopping out. Eli's got no original thoughts because I said bin bag filled with liquefied kittens. All slopping out.

Eli's got no original thoughts because I said bin bag about two minutes ago. No, you didn't. I did. A baggy arsehole bin bag. You didn't say bin bag. I did say bin bag. Oh, by the way, I've got an idea for a new character. No, this is not the episode for new characters.

Let me just say, Crypto Bro Brandoff. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. I think we have dabbled with that in the past. I think that's the way he's going to go, isn't it? episode for new let me just say crypto bro brand off interesting yeah interesting I think we have I think that's the way he's gonna go it's like the son of

brand off crypto bro brand off yeah perhaps he could be the son of biscuits and brand off I mean how could they conceive

if they're both male you ask well I'll tell you don't we have a scientist character yes who would build a womb for brand off and biscuits

like a tube an artificial tube that's where crypto bro Bro Brandoff arises from. So what, does like Meaty Margaret supply the egg they need? Why would Meaty Margaret supply an egg? Well, you need a feet. Well, because I can't think of any. Oh, like Madam Lady Plops.

Does she supply the egg? Listen, I think you should go and ask our scientist character. What's she called? Margot Fanry. Margot Fanry. Craddock. Marjorie Craddock yeah should ask her she's got machines she's probably got she might have got a machine a baby making machine yeah she's got

every machine conceivable on in the whole universe let's put a pin in that then as we do this week's episode all right number 73 no i want to see if there's anything left over from last week because i know that loose dragons because i need you need to remind me at the end because i did a twitter poll last week about these four shows and the outcome is going to be interesting i think i know i think you might know if you've seen it but we'll save it i haven't seen it but i think i know oh okay well i'll have a prediction put it that way but we also got those four three other swap shop books last week and we did those for patreon on the heath on the heath it started to get to me yeah oh you know what really and someone said it on twitter what stuck out to me Noel

yeah he was so happy in his 20s late 20s and early 30s wasn't he he was over the moon think about it though he was extremely successful

at a very young age wasn't he yeah because he had a lot of fingers in pies yeah because I think in the past we've even mentioned that he had involvement with

like a record shop or two that he owned and another business or entrepreneurial guy wasn't he you know i get again it's one of those things with all those kind of tropes that partridge lambasted yeah yeah come directly from this generation of presenters definitely kind of nouveau riche almost yes presenters because they were all like local radio people middle class yeah but was it because okay so here's my question then. Why did Noel become so hugely successful so quickly? Was it because the media was changing

and the media was becoming more focused on selling these people as personalities? Do you see what I mean? Well, look at it this way, right? So TV was changing, the landscape was changing, right? Fewer channels, so there was more chance. And it was the emergence of... No, but there was more chance because of the few channels

that you're going to see more familiar faces hosting the big shows. So if all you knew in the UK was your breakfast show was hosted by Noel Edmonds and he was your national breakfast presenter and that slot becomes quite an important slot in the history of radio. Then when you move to Swap Shop,

you transfer a lot of that popularity with you and then you build on the cult of you to the point where he can go, well, I don't want to do Swap Shop anymore, but the format works for me. I'm going to take it to evening prime time, reach out to an adult audience. Did he ever swap over to the ITV? I don't think he did.

I think after the BBC, he went to Sky. He feels so commercial, though. Do you know what I mean? Which is what's strange. He feels like such a commercial DJ. It is funny in that, in many respects, House Party, although very BBC, could easily have been an ITV show and probably would have been a better fit. Now,

also, Cheap Cheap Cheap, that was Channel 4, wasn't it? That was on a commercial. So was Deal or No Deal though. So he did eventually change. But at that point he was probably, you know, his personal private company probably was involved. Yeah, he didn't want to deal with the BBC anymore.

Because I didn't know this Deal or No Deal wasn't a British show. It was a Dutch show originally. Then it was a British show. And then it was the American version, which is very different. Is it? Yeah, it's very different. It's got the models, hasn't it, in America, instead of actual plebs. Instead of plebs with backstories holding the boxes. Oh, this box is really good for you.

You just have a bunch of attractive models, is that right? Yeah, all holding suitcases. Yeah, but who are the contestants then in that case? Just the one person who's holding the boxes. Oh, this box is really good for you. You just have a bunch of attractive models, is that right? Yeah, all holding suitcases. Yeah, but who are the contestants then in that case? Just the one person who's on the table. I see. So they're just ladies holding suitcases. That's terrible. Yes.

That makes it even worse. And I want to say it was Noel's idea to put front and centre the players with the other boxes, which I think- Was a bit of genius. And that's what he works on. That's the thing. Even though I find him sort of shallow and sort of charmless,

people found him charming. People, don't they? They do. Almost robotic these days. He's almost like Nullbot. But that was always his sort of appeal, is that he interacted well with the public. Yeah.

Wasn't it? That was his shtick. We will find that out when we talk about Superstore later, because it does show you that even the format doesn't really change the presenters make a huge fucking difference yeah and i think we're going to show that with superstore later today so i think that's it the other books for the swap shop books were more part of the course we did find out more about brown sauce that was just a whim yeah and lots of pictures of noel with various animals.

Looking over the moon, though, he looks like he's... Here's my big dog. He looks really happy. Yeah. Beaming, you know? Yeah, here's my cows, here's me lamb,

here's me big dog. Oh, look at me tractor. And that whole bit about the helicopter, the G-Knoll helicopter, which stood for ginormous, gnoll,

orifice, enter largely. Who knows? I don't know. G-Spot, no. But he rented it out. Perhaps he I don't know G-spot but he rented it out perhaps he's looking for the G-spot perhaps he's up

in his helicopter it's a G-spot locator he's like there it is and then he drives into it there's a huge clit on the ground

not a clit inside what are you talking about the G-spot's not real you know that do you remember the G-spot it was a thing what are we talking about now female anatomy do you mean it's not real, you know that. Do you remember the G-spot? It was a thing. What are we talking about now?

Female anatomy. Do you mean it's not? It's like a lump halfway up on the inside. It doesn't exist. Not everyone has one. I just thought I'd say that. I'm not going to stop this show to do the research on whether or not the G-spot exists. I'm just opening it up for debate. Aren't you just?

Prizing it open for debate. Right. I don't know how to end this segment now tell me about number 73 all right well i'll tell you what we'll do what we did last time we'll launch the show we'll play the theme tune okay yeah so to start off part two of our saturday morning show yeah here we go it's saturday morning it's number 73, come on, everybody. So we begin with number 73. Tell you what, Paul. Hey, you get ready, get on your street, get into gear and hit the street. You're nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-nip-n it please i have to say go on i mean spoiler warning i'm gonna give probably number 73 the lowest score interesting because i do not care for it i do not care for it and i remember distinctly at the time it would come on and i'd go oh god so let's oh and i try and watch it and

i'd be like oh i can't handle this all right do you know what i mean it's that play acting it's that bad acting because it Well, before we get into that, we'll have to set up the setup, right? So, Tis Was ends. There were other shows popping up around the regions that did similar jobs. There was like Saturday Banana

with Bill Oddie. Saturday Banana with Bill Oddie. Did you ever see that? It was not in my region, so no, but there are clips on YouTube. Very good. It's kind of like Tis Was.

Talk about bad personal hygiene. Oh, with Bill Oddie. Yeah, he's got waxy feet. I mean, this is all... Cheesy, waxy feet. I can't... I've never heard that story before. I shouldn't attack Oddie.

When you've got such a nasty ass, why should you attack his feet? It's not nasty. It's right... Bill Oddie's feet are... Hang on, hang on. You're just jealous of my robust, tombrous farts.

No, I am not. The only thing... Ringing out. They ring out across this land. They have presence. They have reality. Unlike your sloppy bag end. You put the boss...

Your sloppy, broken... Fucking... Broken hose end. Full of fucking slap bits wow great wow you are on form today content

Mr Silverman support us on Patreon side note Eli's feeling poorly again now you're making excuses

for me I feel fine I feel fine I'll defend my grunts and also I hate fucking number

73 good you can't sell it to me when it comes to your arse, you put the bust in robust. Now look. Wait five minutes to say that.

It's not even worth it. It wasn't worth it. I can't get a word in Edgewage when he's barking. Didn't make me laugh. Now, nothing makes you laugh. No, that's not true. It's not.

The only thing that makes you laugh is the unfortunate incidents of others. What, you're saying that my whole humour is based on schadenfreude? Yeah. Schadenfreude. Yeah. Paul, watch this. It's a tramp falling in a bin I saw on YouTube. What are you're saying that my whole humour is based on Schadenfreuden? Yeah. Schadenfreuden. Yeah. Paul, watch this.

It's a tramp falling in a bin I saw on YouTube. What are you talking about? I don't watch tramps falling in bins. I don't. You do.

So, all those shows, like Tiswell started it all off on the ITV regions. Yes, but now I want you to name it because Saturday Banana sounds like a

fucking right laugh. I don't know. Right, so we've got Saturday Banana popped up. What I'm saying is a lot of other regions did their own kids''t know. Right. So what Saturday Banana popped up. What I'm saying is a lot of other regions did their own kids TV show. And that's how Tiswell started. Yeah.

So TV South, TVS, which is a production company, got a contract to secure children's television for the south of England. And they created their own department. And from that came Number 73. I see. And Number 73 was a Saturday morning show.

And the major difference was and what makes it very different from what came after and what the bbc was after was the fact that it was kind of this fictional drama kind of thing in the morning where people bunch of people lived in a house every saturday morning had wacky adventures and then pop stars would come in to get involved and they'd show cartoons and the acting is so terrible it's of it and the scriptiness of it the sort of you know that's what i found unbearable it'd come on and be like what the fuck is this shit why are they pretending they live in this house the thing is i like that when i was a kid i remember loving that because it has that same kind of vibe as

why don't you i was just about to say it's similar to why don't you isn't it where there's a narrative within the edutainment yes it's they're using a fiction like you say a fictional drama sort of uh structure yeah to present the the normal sort of saturday morning stuff like pop stars the problem is though even though it's kind of a novel idea for a kid's show certainly with saturday mornings it does kill the vibe a little bit though because with like Swap Shop and Tiz Was and going live, the vibe was the kids, the audience,

the camera crew, the kind of what could happen next. Tiz Was had a proper feeling of like anarchy to it. Yeah. And danger. And this can't do that

because it has to stick to its reality. Yeah. But it doesn't stick to, it doesn't portray the reality very well. So it's this sort of... No, I think it does.

No, it doesn't. It's pure artifice. No, I disagree.'t no i disagree scripty awkward scripty bullshit yeah no i don't disagree that it wasn't awkward the performances are stilted yeah but that's with the benefit of hindsight i think if you watch a lot of shows of that period they're all of the same style and tone i would argue it's no better or worse than a why Don't You or whatever at the time. Right? Just because I think that's the inherent nature of British broadcasting. Well, no, but they're not just presenting a show.

They're pretending they're in this drama sort of thing. And it doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for me. And I used to fucking, this used to come on and I'd go, oh, God. All right. And then you turned over to watch Saturday Superstore. No, and then I'd fucking go and do something else instead. Take LSD in a field.

I did not do LSD in my childhood. I was 16 when I did LSD. Yeah, so what? Do you want a badge for that? I'd like a badge for that, please. Actually, how old were you when you took your first hallucinogenic as a sidebar? 16. It was acid.

Acid! That's it. I've got nothing else. Right, okay, so the plot to number 73 was... It opened your mind, Paul. Yeah. You get to see, you have a new outlook and stuff. I'm actually terrified with the concept of opening my mind and seeing what's in there.

Well, you don't have to look inside. You can look outside. Looking in? Yeah, within and without you. So if my thoughts in my head are dark, I can step outside and be all right and just objectively look at it. Or do you think more likely

I'll fall into it in a cascade of howls and screams? It's not like a... And drown in my darkness. In your own terror. Yeah. At multiplying terror scale. I mean, mate, that's more likely. Probably, yeah.

If you took a big dose, yeah. And you'd end up having to put like a wooden spoon in my mouth to keep me going as I scream tuck you in yeah I can't go back

I can't yeah I don't think so I don't know that's why I've never taken any hallucinogens you have you've done mushrooms no but I've never had

they are they are they are but I've never had a strong psychedelic reaction to the point where like the wall shifted right

I've never had that experience but you got high often yeah but what I'm saying is I've never had a strong psychedelic reaction to the point where like the wall shifted. Right. I've never had that experience. But you got high often. Yeah. But what I'm saying is I've never had a mentally transgressive moment. A trip sort of thing, yeah. And that frightens me. Fine. Right, number 73.

This is turning into the fucking Joe Rogan thing, man. He goes on about DMT the whole time, doesn't he? Whatever cunt will roll up, he'll take it, and he'll just nod and nod and think about the $100 million Spotify gave him to not vet any of the garbage coming out of the cunts he has on his show. Sorry, didn't mean to start you off. You know what? Number 73 is shit and boring.

That's why we're having trouble sticking on the topic. No, I want to just... We haven't actually gone to the point of what it's about. So the plot is that it's a house in a street... Why is it number 73? Well, why not? So they've just pulled that out of their arse. They've pulled that out of their arse number.

73, maybe it's scandal they were thinking of a number. It doesn't. It's not a very attractive looking number or the way it sounds. What number would you prefer the house to be? Number 69. I wouldn't make a joke like that.

I wouldn't make a joke. I'm Bungle. I'm 69 Bungle. And that's not... I'm not... I don. I'm Bungle. I'm 69, Bungle. And that's not... I'm not... I don't identify as Bungle. Number 11. Zippy, sorry.

No. I am not Zippy, okay? All right. I would identify as Bungle. All right, okay. You're pro Bungle. I like that. I'm pro Bungle.

I'm pro Zippy. Zippy's a cunt. Zippy is not... Okay, he's the naughty boy of the group, but Zippy is Zippy and he's pure and he lives his life free well Bungle

I know Zippy said some questionable things in his past when he's been drunk you know and he's he said things he's regretted I would choose

number 17 or something like that something with a ring to it number 101 yeah I prefer that although it's got the George Orwell

which is not just call it i just think the sound of 73 is sort of right it's sort of down 72 i don't know i disagree in my head it's number 73 number 36 bingo so number 73 is a house in a street so there's no shut up fucking shut up just Just one question, Paul. So you don't know of any reason why they picked that actual number?

I don't think there is a particular reason why other than it probably to them sounded good. Case closed. I have no more questions. All we know is that it lives on the odd side

of the street not the even side of the street. That's true. So perhaps it's something like maybe it's a bit odd. The house is run by a woman called Ethel

who was played by a very young Sandy Toksvig who would go on to be a very prolific comedy writer and now hosts QI. Did she write a lot, Toksvig? She wrote number 73. Ah, so it's her. She's very much at the centre of the whole thing as well.

Yeah, so from what I understand, the show was formed, and the idea was she would own a house, and then the people who would rent the rooms would be the other characters in the house, and every week, stars and cartoons would come in in and it'd be a wacky she is kind of like the ringleader as well she's sort of the the compare almost yeah and you know she's the closest it has to a host i guess that's what i mean even though the other characters in the house

became were responsible for carrying more with the show eventually who got most famous she probably did and i would say it was definitely Esther Randerson. That's not the name I wanted to go for. Sandy Toksvig. But then Neil Buchanan went on to do stuff.

Neil Buchanan became fucking huge in kids TV because apart from Art Attack which was the 90s show. That's where I know him from. But he also had a

production company which came up with things like Finders Keepers which they bought the idea from America and his production company I think had a hand in that. Which one was Finders Keepers? Big House. Remember? from America, and his production company, I think, had a hand in that. Which one was Finders Keepers?

Big house, remember? And every room, and you had to trash the rooms. It was a bit like Funhaus. I fucking, mate, I'm going to say something actually really controversial. I think Finders Keepers is immensely better than Funhaus. Don't say that too loudly, because Pat Sharp's friend of the show, Paul. You don't want to burn your bridges there I think Pat Sharp

would understand that I was a more trashy rip it all up because that's the fantasy of Finders Keepers isn't it there's a house

and you fucking wreck it looking for toys yeah that was good wasn't it how great's that was there gunge there might have been I know

Funhaus had gunge didn't it no I don't oh no they had gunge in their mini games but not in the actual Funhaus segment. Ah. Because I can imagine, actually,

it was probably quite a bit of a fucking messy show. And so you can't have... Like, Finders Keepers couldn't have too much Gunge. But did Finders Keepers come before Funhaus? After. Okay. That was another property bought from... It was using that kind of...

It existed because Funhaus was a big success. What is that genre known as? The sort of kid slapstick game show action game show yeah you don't see those anymore do you no i mean in america floor is lava is a bit like that and stuff that's the new take but i mean like last american show like that might have been temple of the lost gold or whatever it's called you could include nightmare almost in that as well definitely and you could also include in that Crystal Maze. Crystal Maze.

And also, what was that one with Chegwin in? The Naked Jungle. No, not the Naked Jungle, where he got his nub nub out. Yeah. No, it's a clean nub. It's a good looking nub. I'd have to see it.

Small penises need some respect in this world. Chegwin's place is not. He had a proper crow's beak atop a tennis ball right so no one the Maggie Philbin was upset and frustrated no come on Philbin

didn't leave him because of his small penis it was part of it oh at least he's dead and can't say anything to us about it no what was I going to say what

was that that that one where they have the bits oh the adventure game adventure game with the plant that went and they had the thing at the end where

it was sort of it's video effects like green screen effects yeah it was kind of like a kind of space chess where you had to move over but that's in that genre

as well isn't it yeah so anyway he did that so they both went on to really big successful things in fact when I was looking into this there's a cast right

of what I think it's one two there's five so you got Ethel who runs the house you got dawn ethel played by toxvig yeah you've got neil buchanan playing neil you've got this guy called harry as fuck uh what's his name um oh the chump harry harry chump face harry well it

doesn't get listed here harry stern is the other character so you got neil buchanan ethel davis an eccentric old lady even though she was like 22 or something yeah that's again it's that sort of weird weird falseness of it who progressively got younger as the show went on owned the place harry was introduced as a bumbling nephew dawn played by andrea arnold was the roller boot wearing female lodger quickly became the go-to person for the animal spot with international vet david taylor most eccentric of all was Patrick Doyle, who was a character in the show who would be the love interest to Ethel. And then they had all those things.

It wasn't until season two or three that Neil Buchanan joined. Oh yeah, Neil Buchanan unofficially joined the cast as a member, as a caricaturist. And Kim Goody joined it in the second series, the second run. Now, Kim Goody also was an aspiring singer. As we find out later on.

But that was the premise, right? They all lived in the house and wacky adventures happened. I press on Nick's name for Harry Stern and nothing come up. There's no Wikipedia page for him. Who's that? The young guy? He's the young guy you don't like. Yeah.

So not the scouts, sir. He was like like I can draw this man no that's Neil Buchanan that's

Neil Buchanan and they're not Sandy Toksvig and not Dawn that guy

who's gonna in the bit that we saw was gonna go out with

is introducing Kim yeah yeah so he was there from the start yeah

yeah why hasn't he got any profile weird I don't know because

Kim Goody still did voice work after this and she still did a few

songs and I think she even voiced a kids tv show reasonably recently that was quite successful kim goody so she still works in the in the industry yeah obviously neil buchanan's doing all right for himself i'd imagine he's gone off the grid he won't do social media and he does bits in the background but from what i heard from pat sharp he's just like low profile not interested yeah but he never had any you know he was always into music as well, so I think he's got a band he does pub gigs with. I don't have an issue with Neil B. Coonan.

No, I don't. Literally. He was like our generation's Tony Hart, I guess. Although Tony Hart was my generation's Tony Hart.

I used to love Tony Hart. Do you remember the other show B. Coonan did? Is it Zap? The comic book that came to life?

No. Yeah, he did stuff like that in it as well. Oh! Morning, Nicely. Not a bad day, is it? Hello, Nicely. Neil! How are you doing, mate? You haven't just come from Liverpool, have you? It's taken me three days to get here, mate. Three days? How are you?

Terrified. No, I'm not terrified. No, I was just getting the milk and... Hey, why are you terrified? No, I was just getting the milk and I'm going to take it in. Harry, why are you terrified? I'm not, I'm not. I'm all right. There's something wrong with you. Come on, spill the beans. OK, look, just between you and me, right? Yeah. Just between you and me.

I met this girl the other day at the disco. Her name's Kim. I'm bringing her home to introduce her to the... Now, cut that out for a start, right? That's why you're all spruced up. Just leave it out, will you? When are you meeting her? 10.30. What's the time? Just go on 10.30.

Take that. Oh, no! you meeting her? 10.30. What's the time? Just go on 10.30. Take that on low. Ari! What? Oh, get off! Hey, hey, hey! Sorry to stop the session like that, because actually I think the gig's going quite well. We'll have a little bit of trouble with the mix down, okay?

And I do think, you know that key change from F to C? That one, I think maybe we'll- Ethel, Ethel, one minute. You can't talk to a band like that. They won't take that sort of stuff. No, it's just for fun, Harold. Oh, it's for fun. A joke. Watch this. Watch this. Watch this. OK, y'all. Now, I think, you know, what we want to do is we want to get some kind of full-back feedback going, OK? So what we'll do, you know, like, we'll lay down the first track... Yeah. ..and then we'll lay down the others on the top, OK?

Now, Billy, you know, if you could give me a note... I think, you know, if you could incorporate that note into the song, you know, I think we're really going to be on to something, maybe a hit. Humour. OK, so quiet in the studio, please. Cans on. And on my cue. OK. And play.

So that's the format of the show, but they did do interesting things within it. Like they had a, Ethel had a fake production company called Front Door Productions. So that meant within each season of the show, there was a film running through it, episode by episode.

And they were all filmed on film. And they all looked, one was like a murder mystery, one was a Three Musketeers goof. They did things like that to pad it out. I know, but it just doesn't landers goof. He did things like that to pad it out. I know, but it just doesn't land for me. And it was just so boring.

The sort of play acting is so boring. I liked it. Mortifyingly boring. I liked it. You were younger than me. Honestly, I fell in love with Sandy Toksvig

in that show. You fell in love with her? Generally. I loved Ethel and when she left the show, I was genuinely sad. I don't think Toksvig goes for guys.

I know. It doesn't mean I can't love was genuinely sad. I don't think Toxfig goes for guys. I know. It doesn't mean I can't love someone. Well. Even if I don't need to have reciprocated. As a young child. You wank off to Toxfig? No, I didn't wank off to Toxfig. You wank off to Toxfig.

As I was seven years old, I tugged my meat. You were an early developer. No, I wasn't. You were a huge, bald, bollocked seven-year-old. I did not thrash my... You had a huge knob at seven what in that I had one

or I was given one this has gone too weird this has gone too weird you're doing it show me the book so as we did last week we went online to find some merch

for each of these shows because as I say after this all that stops you don't get merch for going live by and large and you don't get merch for going live by and large and you don't get merch for motormouth or ghost train or uh whatever they must have had sort of

terrible merch like going live pens and stuff yeah but that doesn't count i'm talking about like stuff like actual media media content yes i went online i bought a number 73 badge which originally you could only get if you were on the show or entered something that was featured on the show i bought it on ebay for five pound and I'm so happy you have no idea. It's bloody good, I have to say. It's probably my favourite thing about the whole show. It's like a proper little model red door, and it's all actually moulded.

Do you know what I mean? It's actually like a little toy door. That's the thing I think sticks out more than anything about Number 73. Less the format, more the iconography of the design and stuff yeah bright red door with the nice 70s curvy yellow bubble bubble print bubble sort of uh writing isn't it and you know what's great about this book as well i will say this i'll turn it round yeah it's a badge it's got a fake pin on the back pin on the back as if it's not actually a door it's a big it's a big badge and And you know what? I remember a friend of mine

went on number 73 in its final series when it was set for no fucking reason in a cowboy ghost town. Yeah, so they played with the format. Just for that last season. Yeah, but you were saying that whole her production company is a bit like that.

They're playing with genres and sort of doing stuff. And there were plots going through the season. Like in one of the final seasons, Ethel's getting married to one of the characters who lived next door. So they're building up to the wedding and Ethel leaving the show. So there were plots going through the season like in one of the final seasons Ethel's getting married to one of the characters who lived next door so they're building up

to the wedding and Ethel leaving the show. So there was narrative and plots and things like that. And it was on ITV was it? ITV in the mornings yeah and I think it was national because I remember

watching it growing up so it must have been. And Tizwas was on ITV. What I think happened was after Tizwas You see go from Tizwas to this it's a bit of you know.

No but also what happened was I think different regions started taking on the responsibilities of creating the shows on the off seasons. So TVS might have dealt with 73 for the summer, but in the winter there was another show. Maybe that was Saturday Banana or maybe it was Motormouth later.

You know what I mean? But 73 survived for six years. It ran from 82 to 88. Yeah. And this book came out in 87, which is interesting because at 87 it was just losing its popularity sandy tox figured left and it was one season before they moved the house got demolished and they had to move into a cowboy town because apparently they the only reason they

set it there was because there was a ghost there was a theme park in bournemouth not bournemouth in morkham or something that was a wild west theme park so theynemouth, not Bournemouth, in Morecambe or something. That was a Wild West theme park. So they just used that as their set. I see. And so he went on the show and came back with the new number 73 door badge, which was a saloon door badge. Does that exist?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much are those on eBay? I haven't seen them on eBay because again, one season, not many badges must have gone out. Mate, that's a choice piece. You want to get that? But it's great.

It's a red saloon door, seven and three like that on each door. But because it's 73, the T is made from like the kind of... The gap. The gap between the two doors. The T is formed with that, yeah. If anyone's got that badge

and doesn't want it no more, give it to me. So this book that came out... Oh, the roller skating. I love the roller skating. The book that came out, the number 73 book that we bought and I got on eBay, is interesting in that it's, in many respects, similar to the Swap Shop book and the TizWaz book.

It's more in line with the TizWaz book because it's more silly with sketches and stories, but it has got stuff about content that they do on the show. And it also has a sort of strong comic book element where this one artist has drawn them all throughout the whole thing. I wonder if Neil Buchanan

is in charge of the drawings. I'd have to have a look. But it's much more consistent throughout the whole book than the other ones. Do you know what I mean? In terms of this drawing style. The house style

across the book is consistent. And it's a way of them sort of not relying too much on photographs of the actual performers, I guess. To be able to tell the story. We need them to hold this jar of eggs.

They're not going to turn up to do that. Just draw them. Yeah, which is, it's kind of slicker, in a way, than the Swap Shop books, I'd say. It's got more of a unified and considered design. Like the whole show, it had a sort of more, you know, uniform. It was more uniform, sort of conceptually thought out. had a sort of more you know uniform it was more uniform sort of

conceptually thought out as a sort of yeah well because this is my issue with it but also is what's good about it i guess it's what's made a difference it's what's made it stand out from saturday superstar which is on at the same time at this point and i think you know if you wanted the silliness and the characters and the cartoons and telly bugs and all the adventure of number 73 you could go there but then i was looking we were talking about the other people in that show and like dawn the character of dawn uh was played by uh an actress i mean it's the roller skate person uh yeah dawn who's on roller skates throughout the whole show that's cool andrea arnold i was like oh what's she ever fucking done well turned out it turns out she's got an OBE. She's won an Academy Award for her short film Wasp in 2005.

She made films called Red Road, Fish Tank, and American Honey, all of which won the Jewelry Prize at the Cannes Film Festival. Are these dramas? Are these independent? Yeah, these are all independent dramas. She's also directed four episodes of the Amazon Prime video series Transparent. She's done HBO series Big Little Lies. She's got a career as a filmmaker. She's done all right Big Little Lies. She's got a career

as a filmmaker. She's done all right for herself, mate, to be fair. Well, she was a performer in this, though. She wasn't a filmmaker then. No, she was just, you know,

making... I love her skates. She's got great... They're like... Yeah. Rainbow glitter-coloured boots. Yeah, because... The funny thing is...

Quads, proper quads as well. When the show started, people were still treating roller skates as the new fad by 88 not so much they were invented in the 50s or the 30s or something so why did they suddenly get a huge boom was it just a disco it's there's roller disco and also there's sort of technology advances i think it's the ureth urethra urethra urethra i want to say urethra yeah everyone's urethra got more no what is that stuff called

they make that they make skate wheels out of polyurethane yes i just pulled that i don't know i think it's polyurethane is um i said i think there was a an advance in technology in the 70s so you had better much better skate wheels because you know those ones that those roller skates that used to have like just the skate and you tie it onto your actual shoe yes and they had those really brittle hard clanky wheels so it was oh that's right you just use time to your shoes but so it's like roller skating be going for a long time but i think it was a big fad because you had a much better technologically better skate i will say this for number 73 though had frank side bottom on it did it yeah he's not in the book. He is. Have you not seen the Frank Sidebottom tape? He used to pop up everywhere, didn't he?

Yeah, because didn't he pop up in Oink? Yeah. He did the... Not as Frank Sidebottom, but he did the song on the Flexi that was on the Oink cover. Yes, but he did do a comic strip, though. I have it for it.

Frank Sidebottom's fantastic double-spage spread. I don't do a bad Frank Sidebottom, do I? Oh, come on. Stop blowing your own fuck piece man but like Frank Seibold as we've talked about numerously on this show

was like a cool comedy figure that was around the fringes yes but did he do his own artwork yeah because it's weird it's different from the artwork

around it no he drew his own comic strips when he was asked to for certain publications it's funny isn't it how he was just this creation

and he got in old kids TV and stuff. Yeah, and also culty Channel 4 late night stuff. As well. And he got his own sitcom for Channel 4 as well. Bizarre. Right? Number 73.

So this book, I really like this book. I'll say this. It's got a few pictures in, you know, a few obvious pictures of the group all doing the profile-y stuff. But there is like silliness in it. Like there's's you know games to play with your friends and a little board game they've put in and a maze where you've got to get

a tunnel you know it's it's a typical annual it's not like the the bbc one where it's like here's how the show's made and how we make it yeah this one's more like it keeps the the narrative of the world alive yeah that's very different from the bbc. Although it has got. The BBC like to do that because they're almost like trying to say, this is the public broadcasting and this is how it's done and this is where your money

sort of goes. It's going. Again, the responsibility. Although there is a recipe for vegetable curry in this. Mixed veg, potatoes. Vegetable curry? Yeah, there's a vegetable curry.

Why? Where's the meat? Because Dawn's a vegetarian. So she's talking about a vegetarian. Who's Dawn? The roller skating lady. The roller skating lady. Here's some jokes. So she's talking about a vegetarian. Who's Dawn? The roller skate lady. The roller skating lady.

Here's some jokes. Every one of these books is like a joke page. Yeah, you need jokes, don't you? Right. Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dog. Well, stick this up your arse and pull, fuck it.

Yeah, that's the one. Who burped? What's the punchline to the dog joke? Oh, I'm not allowed on the couch. Sorry, you're... Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dog. Well, get off my couch. Oh, that's very bad.

Why? Because you shit there? Yeah. Well, you shit on the couch? Yeah. You don't messy shit on the couch. That's what dogs do,

isn't it? Dog egg on the couch. Dog egg next to the last night's pizza in the couch. Warm dog egg. Warm... Do you want a...

Do you want a... Dusty old dog egg next to pizza slice. Fish sausage left out in the sun. Do you want it just old dog egg next to pizza slice? Fish sausage left out in the sun. Do you want to just not? Hairy fish sausage left out in the sun. Oh, see how they run. Right, here we go.

Get these. See if you can get these. Badger. What was the first underwater spy? Who was the first underwater spy? Actually, that's not the gag, but similar. Bubble 07. Bubble 07. No, it's not, but for similar. Bubble 07. Bubble 07.

No, it's not, but it's James Pond. Yeah, of course. Next. What do you call a cowboy who wears glasses? Fourhide eyes. Rawhide four eyes. Squint Eastwood. He's not a cowboy.

He's an actor. That's a terrible joke. What's yellow and jumps from cake to cake? A mad hopping cake squasher. No. Tarzypan. And finally... Oh, fuck off.

What's tall, French and wobbly? Le Joli Tower. I'm so shit. Close. The Trifle Tower. Trifle Tower. It's alright. I like it when we do that. So there, you know... So I will... I'm so shit. Close. The Trifle Tower. Trifle Tower. It's all right.

I like it when we do that. So there, you know. I'm such an idiot. There is one part of this book that we will get to. Le Jelly Tower, I said. It was close enough. It wasn't close. It was close enough.

It was terrible. My faculties are fading. For some reason, there's a picture of the Why Don't You gang dressed up as... Why the Why Don't... No, sorry, not the Why Don't You gang. The number 73 gang dressed up as the A-team.

But for some reason, they look like the A-team crossed with Shawoddy Woddy. Well, who's done B.A. Baracus? Because none of them are people of colour. No, I know. I don't know who it is.

Ooh. I don't know who that is. Ooh. At least they haven't put on the boot polish. I think they have, mate. Have they? Yeah, you can see the line.

I'll put a picture on our website and you can judge for yourself. But that's not what I wanted to show you. I wanted to get onto the Kim Goody thing. I think that's that Harry bloke. No wonder he's not fucking on the internet anymore. It was like, your agent, we're going to have to drop you.

Everyone saw that number 73 book. I think that is him. Look at the face. Yeah, you might be right. It is. Yeah, because Buchanan is the one who looks like he's fucking from Shanana. Shanana?

What is the band called? Shanana? Yeah. Is it called Shanana? Shanana? Shanana. Shanana. Hey, hey, hey.

Goodbye. There's Andrea again. She's got a suit on. Where's that fucking thing about Kim Goody in her record I don't know oh here it is so with all these things

that we've been talking about all these shows they've all come with like a tie-in record right Brown Sauce Tis Was Booketeers we've got one

they had a whole LP yeah we've got one coming up for Saturday Superstore there was one for number 73 there wasn't an album but there was a single released

and that single was by Kim Goody the female who only joined in the third season or something didn't she so the most exciting thing to ever happen to me was making my very first record

now this seems like bullshit because the one we listened to which I'm going to put a clip in right now where it was the Kim Goody song was it Hold the Line or something it wasn't Hold the Line Hold the Tongue

that's Foreigner Hold the Line love isn't always on time or something. It wasn't Hold the Line. Hold the Tongue. That's Foreigner. Hold the line. Love isn't always on time. No, no, no. Good song. No, it's not Hold the Line. What was that song we listened to though?

I can't remember. It's pure pap. But that one said it was from 1980 or 81. So it's not her first song then. Well, maybe it didn't get a release. Maybe it was just... Maybe. Everything has its time.

Like a stream that won't run dry. I keep on running under a stormy sky. No bad conditions or good advice take effect. Bye. I should wait and lie. Wait and lie. Anyway, she talks about the song she released, I presume a little while before this, called Don't Turn Around. Which is the Aswad song. Well, which was in itself the Tina Turner song. The most famous version surely is Aswad in this country.

Yes. That was a big number one. Aswad in this country. Yes. That was a big number one. Huge number one hit in the 90s. And that was 80, 91 or something. No, I want to say 93 or 4.

Really? Yeah, I want to say something like that. No. Yeah. No, no, no. Oh, here we go. Let's fucking look this up.

I don't think it was the 90s. I think it was like 89, 88, 89. Aswad, don't turn around. 1988, so fair enough. Flat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Butward, don't turn around. 1988, so fair enough. Blah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what was the name of the album it's off? Don't know. The album's name was Distant Thunder. Like the sound of your erupting

a-hole. Yes, my robust chanders. So she released a version of Don't Turn Around and the thing is

I can only imagine it sounds more like the Tina Turner one than the Asward one. Yeah, it would be. And the thing is, I can only imagine it sounds more like the Tina Turner one than the Aswad one. Yeah, it wouldn't be. And the Tina Turner one has that Tina Turner energy. But she puts it out

before Aswad do it. Yes. Yeah. Because this would have been, let's be generous, because I can't find the exact date. This book came out in 87, the year before the show

was cancelled. So this might have been 85, 86 when it happened. But listen, Paul, I know this interests you, but you were being a bit disingenuous when you say it was a sort of a number 73 record. It isn't.

Not in the same way that Brown Sauce is associated with that or that the Bucketeers is purely about the show. It's not. No. You know, her character on number 73, part of that narrative that season was her releasing a song and it being released. Right. So it was tied in. So it's not a, yes, it's not a number 73 part of that narrative that season was her releasing a song and it being released right so it was tied in so it's not it's not a yes it's not a number 73 thing but it was something she used number 73 to promote and you know how successful it was

not very successful i don't think even sharp didn't even get in the top 100 in fact she says at the end because it talks she talks in this thing about how she worked with a producer called pete walsh they found out what song they would pick because, you know, don't write one. Just pick one and sing it. And so I think the Tina Turner song had been out for one or two years beforehand anyway. Oh, that's from the 80s, the Tina Turner version as well. I want to say it's like that whole period, like Simply the Best, you know. Her big 80s comeback.

85, 86, whatever it was. Yeah. So it would have come one or two years after that. The song wasn't even cold in the ground before Kim Goody dug it up. So she talks about making it. It's weird. She talks like she doesn't know

what the industry was all about because she talks about, so I got my contract and if I told you what a long haul that was, you'd never believe me. And I got a song to sing. So here's a contract and here's a song you have

to sing to fulfill the contract it sounds really kind of hollow what's her career like nowadays again voiceover work oh so she's still in the industry she still does bits and bobs charities is that kind of thing okay well that's good the page actually finishes with what happened to the song so she goes for a record to become a hit it's vital to get onto as many playlists as possible and that we found was not easy, even with a big record company behind it. David Jason explained that. Sorry, not David Jason,

because that's the Only Thoughts guy. Yeah. So they went to Capital Radio. Why did you say David Jason? Because the name is David Jensen. You know, Kid Jensen. Is it Kid Jensen? Yeah. That's my sister's nickname. Oh, surname. Kid Jensen? Yeah, because she's called Jenny. kid jensen is it kid jensen yeah so that's my sister's uh nickname oh surname kid jensen yeah because she's called jenny oh so we call her kid jensen oh fine it's not like she presented

rathmatas once all right so david you know they attacked pat sharp my sister's once no oh no you have said that and he told me he never got over it it. So David Jensen explained that each radio station has a playlist, which is agreed upon by the producers and DJs every week. That's changed though now. Now playlists come from like the top down. There's a music. It's purely from the sort of, yeah, it's much more corporate now, isn't it? And in fact, algorithmically selected probably now.

They probably use sort of AI things to see see which to do the frequency and stuff but what she's saying is that the djs and producers of those shows would come up with the playlist themselves and so what she's effectively saying is that people who listen to her song didn't like it and it was really hard because they're saying if you get plays then you get to be on the playlist but if the playlist helps you get plays so if you can't get one you won't get the other so you can't get either your song's shit yeah So then she says at the end, my record didn't make the top 100, but it didn't fall far short.

So it wasn't that bad. Anyway, it was a stellar year for me and I got to be in a band in the number 73 cello, which is where all the bands would perform in the show. In a very similar way to Young Ones, is what I said. And that was the other thing. You just had bands,

but the young ones sort of played that up for humor you'd have motorhead in the living room no the reason why they had bands on young ones was to get a bigger budget for the show they didn't pitch it as a comedy show they pitched it as like entertainment and part of that remit was they had to have music on the show i think it adds to it it's good it definitely adds to it but you can easily see number 73 being a very watered down kid-friendly Saturday morning version of the young ones aesthetic. You know, young people living in a house, wacky things. It's very similar, in fact, in a way, isn't it?

Dexys coming on. Yeah. That's bizarre. Dexys doing... The bit we watched had Dexys in their living room doing Come on Eileen. Very strange. Dexys looked proper weird, didn't they? Well, no,

that was the aesthetic he wanted to go for. I know, I know. No one's allowed to drink. No one's allowed to do drugs. I think he's creepy. Kevin Rowland is creepy. He's a strange chap.

Yeah. But a true original. Yeah. A true original. So, number 73 ended. What happened was, it was very popular

for five years. Did Buchanan shit the bed? No, it was just down to the fact that Ethel left. And so they... Toxwig left. Yeah, she left to go on to do other things, fair enough. But she left and they still had another season afterwards.

They had two. So one just had that cast that we went through in that book. But no Ethel. No Ethel. So they were carrying it. And then the plot was... And I don't know why behind the scenes this happened. But the house was knocked down and so

they moved from number 73 in the street to a number 73 wild west ghost town hence the badge because there was a theme park nearby they could film in for nothing that was the last season and that was awful and everyone was miserable making it really because everyone had to do there had to be a lot more outside shots from the studio the studio. So you see these people go, we're performing on X. Here's Five Star in the cold, in the rain, in a shitty puddle,

outside a fucking old saloon, performing Rain or Shine. It wasn't good. So the show kind of died and then after that, Motormouth, Ghost Train, eventually, you know, SFTV. Well, Going Live's on the other side.

But that's where number 73 is and that's its legacy. It's more culty, I think, than the other shows we've talked about. Well, Tis Was is more culty.

Do you think? Yeah. Maybe because of its inaccessibility to people around the world that, not around the world, around the UK,

that it was hard for some kids to watch. So I guess it was... I do not care for number 73. I just find it dull. I'm more fond of it. I mean, watching it back,

very cringe. But as a kid, I loved it. I certainly watched it over Saturday Superstore. No, like I say, it was just like one of those shows where just the deep, deep... Actoriness of it. Existential boredom set in. Like, it set in.

It set in hard and then I had to go. But it did give us telly bugs. I like the cartoons more. Well, the cartoons they showed in number 73 were like literally Disney ones it was always it's a Donald Duck cartoon

that's cool for three minutes that's great it was weird they just put a projector out onto the table and then pretended to show it on a wall

yeah I love that I love that aspect like let's just show some cartoons and I love the sandwich quiz the sandwich quiz oh yes

I was going to ask you about that yeah what is the sandwich quiz the sandwich quiz I didn't get it what do they do what do they say

what's in my sandwich? Jam. No. What's in it? Marmite. No. What's in it? Bovril.

No. What's in it? Marmalade. No. What's in it? Don't turn this into a fucking cheese sop sketch. No. What's in it?

Cheese. No. Camembert. Brie. Rock four. It's crunchy frog. Fuck off, Python. So anyway.

I wasn't doing that I was going to get spoff the quiz was do you want to say what the quiz was or do you just want to say random things you can put

in a sandwich now hardened spoff right good hardened spoff spreadable juzz juzz cheese rind ball scrapy cheese rind you're saying nothing

I'm not saying nothing you are saying I'm saying chud can I tell you about the fucking sandwich game I want a sandwich with the chud pellet in it I want to end I'm saying, chud. Can I tell you about the fucking sandwich game? I want a sandwich with the chud pellet in it.

I want to end this segment so I can end it by talking about the sandwich spread. I want chud pellet savings. Shut up. That's good, come on. Shut up or I will hurt you.

All right? I want a pellet. If you say one more fucking thing. Oh, pellet, that's good. If you're saying one more fucking thing. Tell me about the fucking sandwich quiz,

you cunt. Right, the sandwich quiz was like a general knowledge game and the idea is when you got a question right, you cunt. Right, the sandwich quiz was like a general knowledge game, and the idea is, when you got a question right, you won a slice of bread, then you got a bonus question,

which was your filling question, and the idea is, at the end of a certain amount of time, the one with the most sandwiches made, would win. So you keep them separate, or do you just stack? You could stack them,

or you could make separate sandwiches, but you got points for every sandwich you made. Every complete? Yeah. Yeah, but if you stack them, then what counts as a sandwich? Because they're sharing... They're sharing...

I don't know. All I know is I saw people stack them. If you stack them, then you'd... Less points, innit? No. Because what counts as a... Oh. I don't know.

The geometry of this is fucking my mind up. So you'd go, what was Donald Duck's girlfriend? Daisy. There's a slice of bread. Now, your filling question is... Is it Daisy? Yeah.

Your filling question is, what it Daisy? Yeah. Your filling question is what does ELO stand for? Electric Light Orchestra. Great, here's your filling. And then another question, there's your bread. That's one sandwich, that's one point. And you had to do it quickly. Nick. Okay, are you ready, everybody? Yeah.

So, the Daring Dazzling, justifyingly dull, devastatingly dangerous, delectable, delicatessenable, Divinely Decadent... Sandwich Quiz! Yeah! Okay, mind your backs, there we go. Okay, plates and knives. We're gonna go for our first question, and can I have your name, please? It's, uh, Albert. Albert! Okay, welcome along, Albert.

That's, uh, one less point to you, and, uh, can I have your name, please? It's, uh, it's, uh... Someone tip me tongue. Someone tip me tongue. Say pass. Pass. Okay, pass. Albert Blaine, pass. Okay, now what we're going to do, grab your knives there. There's one on a little magnetic thing for you. Really clever, all this high-tech we've got here.

Let's hope I can remember the rules. Now then, I'm going to ask you a question. Either of you can answer. If you think you know the answer, bang the hilt of your knife on the top there and give me the answer. You get the question right, you get a piece of bread and butter, and we move on from there.

Okay, are you ready? Albert and Pass, here we go. Sandwiches were invented by a famous earl. He was the earl of, yes, Albert. Sandwich. You're going to have to be quicker there, Pass, if we're going to get in. Now then, there's your first bread and butter sandwich. That's a round to you. Now what you get to do is you get to choose a filling here

and you can either have savoury, little bit of egg mayonnaise there, or sweet, little bit of jam, or very strange. I'm not quite sure what that is. Some kind of nut effect I think we've probably got there. So what kind of filling are you going to go for? I'll have not too much, my personality. Okay, there's your pieces of bread. Don't make the filling until you've answered the question.

Here's our extremely strange object. I don't know what they think of a horse or something there okay here's your question only Albert can answer okay which country don't go away now pass it be very distressing for us all he's always okay which country has a nut named after it Cuba. Britain. Not Australia. No helping from the audience. Which country? South America. It's sort of a country. No helping.

Manchester. Not. Yeah. Absolutely correct. And so you get to make your sandwich there. You're calling it a fix, are you? Okay. That's it.

It was the game, but it was famous because, you know, wacky and stuff. Did they have, like, slices of tomato and stuff there? Yeah, they had all sorts. On the table, they had two loaves of bread and then a tray with jam and butter and marmite and cheese and whatever and whatever and sandwich spread and paste. Bovril? Crab paste and bovril.

Crab paste? Yeah. Oh, I love that. Crab paste or salmon spread. Sandwich spread. Lemon curd. All that kind of stuff. You have a lemon curd?

My granddad would live off the fucking stuff. Do you enjoy lemon curd? When I was a kid, I did. These days, it turns my stomach. Really? Don't know why. Why? Because of the sort of...

Because it reminds you of ejaculate, Mr. Silverman. No. Oh, yeah, it does, yeah. It's not the sort of artificial lemony. I think it's because it's like lemon lard. It's slimy. Yeah, it's lemon lard. It's like lemon lard, and it's like...

Yeah. I don't like the idea of lemon lard. Funny, because I've never heard of anyone changing their mind over their life about lemon curd. Yeah, it's the opposite, though, with like yogurt. I hated yogurt when I was a kid, and now I love it. I like a nice fatty yogurt. Yeah, a nice full Greek. Full Greek.

You like a full Greek in your mouth, do you? 100% full Greek, non-fat, curly whip of splashingly delightful goo in your mouth. That's the end of the number 73 segment chad chads great you've added

nothing as ever and you've ended this poorly number 73 shit the best thing about the whole thing is that badge which I want can you get me

one if you see one please no I'm having one so I can be unique and special unlike you who's a dirty horrible come on you don't

even collect those badges that have like not proper... It's not a pin badge, is it? Yeah, but I adapted it, didn't I? Took a little bit, a tiny little bit of glue, put a little pin on the back. Oh, you stuck it on your board?

Stuck it on my board. Have you broken it? No. You took the other thing off? Put a tiny little bit of hot glue on. Oh, hot glue? Yeah, a little glue gun pen. And then I put a little pin on the back.

You've got a glue gun pen? Yeah. You know, a little stick of glue. You put it in and you... Yeah, I know what a hot glue pen is. I've been around. I know got a glue gun pen. Yeah. You know, a little stick of glue. You put it in. Yeah, I know what a hot glue pen is. I've been around. I know what a hot glue pen is.

Would you like me to get my hot glue pen out? You know, lay a little bit of hot glue on your top lip. And then stick a moustache on. And then... Could you use a hairy fish sausage

and stick a moustache on there? Right, this is 50 minutes and I'm tired of this. Come on. I'm ready for the denouement. Well, we're going to move on to the denouement where we tackle, after this commercial break saturday superstore oh come on everybody stop

saying come on everybody come on everybody oh come on everybody oh hello what to play people up to now doing a bit of fishing then. Look out, here come the pirates. The boats float too. He'll be back on the road soon. Ah, so this is the new Play People colour idea, is it? And special painting pens. Just some of the world of Play People, from Louis Marx. for Louis Mop. Open wide. Lily there. They're playing dentist.

The same new game of skill from Waddington's. Can you extract teeth without touching the gums and making your patients scream with disapproval? Use the mirror to guide the probe and... There you go. Extract the most teeth and you're the winner. Dentist with its own electronic stream. It's great fun for all the family. Careful now.

Here's motor racing with a difference. Matchbox Power Track and the difference is the lights. Matchbox Power Track. It's the one with the lights. So Swap Shop closed its doors in 1982 and the BBC needed a replacement. And so they went with the Saturday Superstore. And the theme, it sounds like this.

It's time for Saturday Superstore! Good morning. Welcome to the store. Shit. Yes. It's shit. It doesn't have the Mike Batt joie de vivre. The Mike Batt has a certain magic to it, the original... It slapped. The Swap Shop theme, the original Swap Shop theme.

Did you know, though, that there was a conceit to Saturday Superstore? It was in a shop. Yeah, but... It doesn't really look like that. No, because the idea was. It was in a shop. Yeah. But it doesn't really look like that. No. Because the idea was Swap Shop was a shop. And they thought, what's bigger than a shop? A Superstore. A Superstore's bigger than a shop. So look,

just in terms of the chronology, when did Tizwas finish? 82? 82. Tizwas Swap Shop both ended 82. 73, this, both started 82. So that basically replaced Tizwas in that slot ended 82. 73, this, both started 82. So that basically replaced Tiz Was in that slot. No. 73.

Yeah, number 73 replaced Tiz Was, effectively. Wow. What a bring down. 73 is shit. No, no, no. Tiz Was on 73 may have a different style and a different vibe that you don't like. I'm going to argue that the come down from Swap Shop to Superstore

was a bigger gap. It's more like train spotting cold turkey kind of come down than anything else. So the idea was it was set in a Superstore and Mike Reed was replacing Noel Edmonds, but he wasn't just the host. He was the general manager of the store.

Keith Chegwin, a hangover from Swap Shop, he was the general manager of the store of the store Keith Chegwin a hangover from Swap Shop he was the delivery boy which meant all the wacky things that came in and out he had to why is he always infantilised

because he's already in his 30s by this point isn't he probably yeah but because he looks like I don't know a cherub they thought

well your boy's going to be the happy cheeky scouse thing but Maggie Philbin was on the first series of Superstore was Philbin a scouse as well no I don't believe so Philbin was on the first series of Superstore. Was Philbin a scouse as well? No, I don't believe so. But she was on the first

series of Superstore but then she got subbed out for Sarah Green who came off the back of Blue Peter. Sarah Green, a London lady. Now, we will not be talking about Sarah Green

quite this yet. No. Because I need to warm up. And then you had David Icke who was hanging over as well and he was now... He was from Swap Shop as well. And they were all in different departments in the store.

But the sets didn't look like a store. I wonder why Mike Reed was chosen to replace Noel. I mean, effectively, because he was... He was a DJ as well, wasn't he? Yeah, he was Noel 2.0. He was not. He doesn't... I mean, I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's no Noel.

No, no. He's no Noel. No, no. No, no, no, no. he's no Noel no no no no no no no no no Mike Breed is no Noel yeah he's not

he's a cunt I'll go that far effectively the formats of Swap Shop and Superstar are practically the same right

but what's interesting there's no swapping no but you change just a few little elements in front of the camera and you see just I mean just how important Noel Edmonds was to Drop Shop.

I can't believe we're saying this. No, because the thing you can say about Noel is, if nothing else, he does know how to work an audience. You see him on House Party, or you see him doing anything live, and he can roll with the punches. He has a certain professionalism. He doesn't... There's an old police after us again.

He does have a certain amount of, I don't get the joke sometimes. But he does know how to work a crowd. Like we said before, that's his strength. It's working with the public. But he doesn't come across as condescending as Mike Reed. No. Although you can see there is condescension in Noel's...

I think the difference is that Noel can fake being interested Mike Reed. No. Although you can see there is condescension in Noel's. I think the difference is that Noel can fake being interested in you. Yeah. Mike Reed just can't. He cannot fake any interest in anything other than the idea in his head of him wanking off Cliff Richard. Yeah, or whatever.

With his lips. You know what I mean? That's not called wanking off, mate. Well, he crossed the line. Has he? Well, when you cross the line from hand to lip, you've gone from line. Has he? Well, when you cross the line from hand to lip, you've gone from hand job to blow job.

Why is a wank a wank? But a blow job isn't a mouth wank. It's not a mouth wank, because then you'd say, what is a... So what is sex? The sex would just be a fanny wank, wouldn't it? Or a bum wank. Yeah, or a bum wank.

Or an ear wank. Air wank. That's what you'd... I. Or an ear wank. Air wank. That's weird. I used to get in the swimming pool. Right. Here we go. And the wave machine. Right.

Yeah. And I'd be like, and then I'd come, like, in the swimming pool. Oh, no! But it was like before I started coming properly. So I just sort of had this orgasm.

The air came out. No, not air. Bubbles of air came out from your penis. No, it it was like before I started coming properly. So I just sort of had this orgasm. The air came out. No, not air. Bubbles of air came out from your penis. No, it was just like... Like a drowning puppy. I was just riding. It was like the wave machine was wanking me off. I didn't touch myself.

It was like this big, big orgasm building in my stomach, like a big oceanic. It was amazing. Anyway, Mike Reid. I hope I didn't spunk into the pool. I was a young boy. Please don't cancel this podcast. This was Letchworth.

Why would you cancel it? I wasn't touching it. You're the pool spoffer. I am not the pool spoffer. Here comes the pool spoffer, Burbler. He gets his wanks on a wave machine, Burbler.

Excuse me, Mr. Lifeguard. Stop rubbing like that. So that was the format, right? He was in Letchworth. I want to spend. I don't want to talk about, especially the word letch. I want to spend less talking about Swap Shop here and more about Mike Reed. Yeah.

Because Mike Reed seems to have formed the show around his comfort zone. Where it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll speak to a kid on the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to David Icke for five minutes. But what I really want is me and Cliff Richard sitting on the couch having a nice chat. Did Cliff go on it a lot? A few times. Really? And, didn't know this, did you know Mike Reed wrote Cliff Richard musical?

Which was called, I don't know, I think it was called wrote Cliff Richard musical which was called I don't know I think it was called Cliff the musical it was wasn't it yeah did it have Cliff in it no I think it was one of these things

where someone would play him like a jukebox musical yeah I remember that it was on at the Dominion wasn't it and like you know when we saw that clip

a minute ago of him singing with the guy from Doctor Hook and he sings like Cliff Richard he's got that totally yeah sort of a sort of Buddy Holly affected sort of rock and roll what is like Cliff Richard. He's got that... Totally, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just a...

Sort of a Buddy Holly-affected sort of rock and roll singer. Yeah, what is that Cliff Richard sound? It is kind of Elvis-y. Well, Cliff Richard was, yes, he was Britain's answer to Elvis, wasn't he? It's kind of like a little bit Elvis.

Cliff Richard is a great voice. Yeah, I actually have no... I mean, apart from the taste thing, I have no real problem with his singing style. No, I mean, his taste is fucking dreadful. Although, I mean, apart from the taste thing, I have no real problem with his singing style. No, I mean, his taste is fucking dreadful. Although, I mean, it's like... Although wide for sound,

it's a stone cold fucking classic. That's a good sound. Yeah. And so is Devil Woman. She's a devil woman. That's classic. That's a good bit of pop there. I bet when he wrote that,

or he was agreed to sing, he was like, I can't, my reputation, I can't sing about the devil. I can't sing about the devil. No, I think it's before, it's before he got really super religious, I think. Wasn't that around the same time, though?

Wasn't the idea of him being too saintly and always a bachelor? It was like part of that, his reputation began to split from good old innocent pop boy to slightly strange behaviour for a man who lives alone with a vicar. Does he live with a vicar? Yeah, he lived with him in a mutual relation, you know, flat share with a vicar or something, yeah. Does he live with a vicar? Yeah, he lived with him in a mutual relation, you know, flat share with a vicar

or something. So he had a roommate. Although people started tapping their noses and winking at you when they mentioned it. Well, the vicar's not allowed to have bum sex

with Cliff Richard. I think all vicars are allowed to have. Or any kind of sex. Bum wanks, mouth wanks, like we said. I don't think vicar's... Fingernail wanks.

They often do. What about hole in the sofa wank? In between the springs, bit of straw in there. So far so good. Sarah Green talking of wanking.

No, no, we need to get to that. So Saturday Superstore, fine, but I think it was built more around like pop music. Because you know like

Swap Shop was kind of parochial, village green almost feel of everything. This seems to be like Mike Reed, I'm only going to do this show if I can have Slade

on this week and fucking Ultravox. Well, but we saw some clips there. We had people like Debbie Harry, you know, Blondie. Echo and the Bunnymen.

People were just inappropriate. Very adults. Like we said last week, where it's like, Blondie, you've got to get up at eight tomorrow and be at the studio.

And get a kid going on the line going, why are you called Blondie? You know what I mean? It's like, what? What's Heart of Glass all about? What are its structural thematic relevances to the modern new wave post-punk movement?

The phone-in. Swap Shop had a phone-in as well. Actually, I was watching this documentary that was on BBC Two years ago called It Began With Swap Shop about the history of Saturday morning TV. And they recreate the set and Noel Edmonds is there and they all come back 30 years later to whatever but they say i didn't really think about this at the time was like it was the first show i think

anywhere in the world that allowed you to call up and speak to phil collins or you know whatever and and that that interaction the boundary breaking between celebrity and and and public member and that's to do with that's to do with the technology that is becoming available in terms of switchboards and stuff. Because you could phone. And you could get correspondence back and speak directly and be on the TV. Do they do that at all anymore? I mean, you do have it on radio still, don't you?

Even radio, I think, suffers. I mean, I work on talk radio. And even in the few years I've been there, it's been harder to get people to call in. radio i think suffers i mean i talk i work on talk radio and even in the few years i've been there it's been harder to get people to call in really yeah because people people text more and sort of don't it's no it's confusing it's it's a it's it's an interesting mix of how people engage in radio these days it's about audience uh demographics it's about scheduling like if you're doing a young show for young musicians and breakout artists on BBC radio

local radio and then the next hour suddenly talk you're asking the audience to shift and it's like it takes hours for the audience to shift

because 20 year olds were listening to the new band on 18th and 20th and then all of a sudden it's like local council issues or parking and it's like

now you've got to talk now we need you to talk and it takes them a while so it is there talk. Now we need you to talk. And it takes them a while. So it is there, but I think we're asked to do less engagement. It's funny, just the call in. I wonder if it will

completely disappear. I don't even watch it. Because I can go on right now to Duran Duran's Twitter account and say, you're a bunch of bellends. Send. What happens if you turn BBC One on

on a Saturday morning now at nine? Do you get kids shows? I have actually no idea what's on. Do Saturday morning now at nine? Do you get kids shows? I have actually no idea what's on. Do you know what I mean? Do you get kids shows? What do you get? Let's have a quick look.

I actually don't know. Let's see what it says. BBC One in the morning. Well, right now, Winter Olympics from nine in the morning until the afternoon.

Oh no, wait there. Is that on Saturday? Yeah, that was this Saturday just gone. Is that what happened back in the day? It was a breakfast show, the BBC breakfast, with presenters and news and topics.

It's not, they don't have kids shows. No. Because they've got their separate channel for it now, don't they? Well, yeah, they also have that, CBBs and the Nickelodeon, all those channels. Yeah, but I bet the CBB shows don't have pop stars on anymore. It did still linger, but then the internet kind of destroyed all of that because it made those barriers between you and the celebrity thinner.

Again, like I said, you don't have to call up Matt Bianco anymore and say you're a bunch of wankers. You could just go onto their Twitter account right now and do it. In fact, I recommend everyone right now find Matt Bianco and call him a wanker. I don't know, nothing. He's done nothing. He's probably a lovely guy. There was a great story, actually, in the press recently about the guy who called up Saturday Superstore to call Matt Bianco wankers

and apologised yeah because he that's what happened a lot because he was like I was a kid and I was just a dick yeah he was just pranking him

I think only know one Matt Bianco song get out of that lazy bed it was this weird sort of neo swing jazzy yeah I don't know what

you want to call it but electro jazz pop or something it's electro swing sort of no it wasn't electro swing get out of that lazy bed slaps right yeah I know what you want to call it, but electro-drazz-pop or something. It's electro-swing, sort of. No, it wasn't electro-swing, but it was... Get out of that lazy bed, slaps. Right.

Yeah, I know, you played it to me. It is pretty good. Yeah. So here is Saturday Superstore's book. Now, there is an album that came out, a Saturday Superstore album, but it's nothing like the Tiswell's one. It is literally like Now 8.

It's not original material associated with the show. It was just whatever was hot in the chart in 1984. It's just like a comp. And Mike Reed does a little bit of splurge on the front that just goes, here's some of the songs I picked for this, because I'm so good at music. But you're not.

But you're not. The music you make is shit. You're a cunt as well. And the music you don't like is good. Also, I'll go so far as to say you're a bigot as well, Mike Reed. You bigot. Oh, yeah. You know, like he released that UK Calypso song,IP Calypso the pro-Brexit yeah anti-immigration song but he also does it in

a in a highly dubious uh West Indian yeah Calypso accent which he said was only for flavor and wasn't meant to be racist and it's like well no you can't say that because the minute you affect that voice and also you're affecting the voice and it's the song is about not allowing immigrants and then the people from the caribbean you know were part of the british empire weren't they they were subjugated it's like you can't you can't have to take on a culture you can't tell that culture the fuck off now that you've got it even yeah and it's just it just in poor taste and just terrible sort of regurgitation of the worst kind of tabloid right-wing nonsense. Well, it's lazy.

So I will say this, though. Saturday Superstore didn't release an album, did release a few singles, which we're going to get to later, but they released one called Two Left Feet, and I can't find sight or sound of that anywhere. It was released as a single with Keith Jagguen, Mike Reid, and I can't... I think it was Sarah Green, but it didn't chart. I've not seen any copies of that anywhere. It was released as a single with Keith Jagguan, Mike Reid, and I can't,

I think it was Sarah Green, but it didn't chart. I've not seen any copies of it anywhere. It might well turn up in a charity shop somewhere. If you find it out there, buy it, send it to us.

The PO Box details are on our website. Let's just get into this book. What is it called? Two Left Feet? Two Left Feet, yeah. There's a screen grab on a website

that had a link to a music file, but it was an old flash file so it doesn't work anymore with modern laptops. So lost the time. I'm curious. But if you can find us a link, I would like to hear it, because there's other stuff like Mike Reed was in a post-pop punk band

called the Trainspotters, which is such a fucking... Typically Mike Reed named a call a punk band. Was that that thing you played? That was High Rise. Shall I play a little bit of it now? Yeah. call a punk band was that that thing you played that was High Rise yeah shall I play a little bit of it now yeah are a couple of drag queens The fourth floor is the high-rise bag On the fifth floor there's an army of students On the sixth floor of the Deglo Punks

The seventh floor has been empty for a long time The eighth floor That's where I live High-rise, high-rise The neighbors are banging on the wall again

High-rise, high-rise I wanna live on the ground Rule one Never play a high five. Two, never get disturbed at peace. Rule two, never hit your girlfriend. Nosy neighbours, call the police. High Rise, High Rise.

The neighbours are banging on the wall. Yes, so there's that. He's sort of complaining about high rises in a sort of, again, in a sort of snobby way. No, he's saying, here's a bunch of people living in this High Rise flat, right? And these are people I don't engage with have ever met in real life only really

know about through the news or the Sunday sport. Yes that's what I mean it's like a tabloid take it's like look it's like punching down on the poor who have to

live in high rises and but then it's punk which is meant it was quite a working class sort of reactionary thing but it's more like you know Jilted John. It's like you know

where Jilted John took the punk but kind of turned it into this kind of a sad nerdy thing yeah it's great those are great it's like he thinks he's jilted john but doesn't understand the background to that character and it's also like the underlying point he's making is a sort of backward looking every english man's house is his castle sort of attitude you know what i mean which doesn't fit it's not rebellious it's pure sort of licking the establishment's ass sort of do you know what i mean his whole thing it's it's sort of again it's like the eucalyptus so it's he's taking some other one's style of music that he has no association with or understanding of and yeah and you know doing a sort of bigoted sort of pro-establishment sort of message with it yeah like you know it's just

yeah it's it's it's trading on other it's just, yeah. It's a cunt. It's trading on other people's identities for his own fucking work. Even with Cliff Richard. It's like just doing music, that Maybe I'm Wrong song. It's a little bit ELO, a little bit Cliff Richard,

a little bit of everything. And it's like, what original things do you have? He isn't an original artist. Look at this picture, first page. Just his whole look, that shirt is the beyond the most 80s thing i've ever seen in my life the finger guns which is the worst thing you can do

i think in that picture what he's really saying is where were you born in this country because you've got dark skin it's got that look to it mate some of the clips we saw what no it's fucking chegwin where there was an asian girl and he girl and he couldn't pronounce her name and then he said that sounds like something you could scrape off your feet did he?

yeah he said it sounds like something you get scraped off your feet because it sounded like carbuncle or something it sounded a bit like verruca yeah and so he goes

it sounds like it sounds like a skin disease you get on your foot does it? this woman's name Chegwin that's what a presenter happens in his head

when they don't know how to react or what to say to get them out of this awkward situation so they make a shit joke based on a very lazy stereotype

and the fact that it's foreign sounding do you know what I mean I should mention that guy's website on YouTube the guy who has those clips on

is it Keith Millard I don't know mate anyway he has a bunch of little videos about Swap Shop and Saturday Superstore and Barrymore. Did he have his video about the James Whale show? Yeah, if you want to see something fucking dark. It's just so atrocious.

I need to watch that as well. Get stuffed, then James Whale. Stuart Millard is his name. Stuart Millard. Go see his YouTube channel. There's loads of videos about the stuff we're talking about today. But traditionally, telly's most awkward moment is the viewer phone call. These were a massive part of Saturday mornings, giving us gold like this.

Is it R-Cut-U-S-S? Yes. Have I pronounced it correctly? Yes. No. No, you spoke it wrong. Y-U-S-U-S-S. The double S at the end.

No, F-F. F-F? Yes, that's it. Oh, double F? Yes. Like for Freddy. F for Freddy. Glad that's cleared up. Yes.

I'll make sure they get it right. No, it's one F. One F. One S. That's right now. That's right. I'm pleased about that. You know what, Mike? Just say it backwards for no reason. Tukra it is the other way round. That's a great name.

Where do you come from, Arkut? Promise Green in London. Oh I see. Open the borders with them all coming, an eagle of immigrants in every town. Evidently yakking away on the phone is a great way to run out the clock. I don't know why I had an imaginary friend, but we used to go on imaginary cycle rides Evidently, yakking away on the phone is a great way to run out the clock. I don't know why I had an imaginary friend, but we used to go on imaginary cycle rides together.

And my imaginary cycle always had drop handlebars, so I'd always be walking around going like that. And if anyone saw you, they must have thought you were potty, walking around saying, come on Fred, come on Fred, keep up. They must have thought I was a loony. I think I used to go around with Rupert Bear a lot of people like that you know it was all in here I used to have boxing matches with my teddy bear and I always won I think I think I punched all the fur off him in the end all right thanks for your call

anyway thank you bye bye right small calls later what was that Vietnam Vietnam American Vietnam drama? Long Running. Dallas. No, Vietnam, set in Vietnam. Match. No. I was going to say that's a Korean one.

And it had, Paint It Black was the theme song. I don't know. Why are we talking about this? That always used to come on. When? After James Whale show. Oh, fuck off, Grandad.

Focus. I can't focus. So this book that we've got is very similar to the Swap Shop book in terms of design and layout. And it's articles about behind the scenes and front of scenes. But there are a few more things in it, which... Oh, God.

It's like he prizes... He doesn't look as happy as Noel did with his dogs and stuff, does he? No, because he's disinterested. He doesn't have animals. He's disinterested. He's uncomfortable around celebrities who he'd rather be friends with than interviewing. And also, he's not very good with kids. No, no, he's not good

with anyone. He's just not a very good presenter. How did he get a career? Well, because... Was he good on radio? Radio presenters are reasonably kind of self-sufficient.

He must have had something, some competence as a DJ. No, he can have competence. But when you work in a bubble and your job is to talk into a mic when the red light comes on and play a track,

it's like you build your own identity within that two or three hour radio show. Right, so he's out of his depth when he gets onto the telly. He's out of his depth when he's asked to speak to members of the public,

children. Or pop stars. Well, no, lots of different people. I think he took the job because it's like, you get to meet Bucks first and you get to meet Dr. Love.

He's definitely, he's a frustrated musician, isn't he? Yeah, because it's like there was the pop panel, wasn't there, where all the guests sat around and reviewed pop videos where they all went, well, I don't really know. Because here's the other thing.

What can they say apart from the edgy musicians? Because all the rest of them have to keep their careers. So I would love to know the backstage wrangling. Well, we can't play that video because Bananarama are on that label as well. So they slag that band off. Then we go, you know what I mean? There must have been a certain amount of that going on. So there's a cliffhanger.

There's a thing about Keith Chegwin going out and about and doing roadshow stuff. I just can't forgive Chegwin for being so racist. I don't even think it's racist. I just think it's that insecure, not know what to say. Your name sounds like something you'd scrape off. He wouldn't say that to a white woman. No, he wouldn't because he could say Karen's name.

He could say Julia's name. Maggie's name. You know, often drunk, howling at the street, up into a window at two in the morning and she's locked the door because he came home a bit too late. Right. Philbin got way out of there.

So Maggie Philbin left. Sarah Green came in. There was a little bit of hangover with Craven because Craven hung about to do some new stuff. Oh, Craven's a likable man isn't he and then the book kind of sums up what's happened there's a thing about David Ike riding a bike to raise some money and not do a hike there's a lot of rhyming I didn't really mean that to rhyme it's just that's the thing he goes he was working with special needs kids and realized it made him that the queen is a lizard the Jewish space lizard yes yes. That's when he realised that.

Obviously because they had jabs when they were kids or something. Back then, he just thought, wasn't it sad that these special need kids don't have the opportunities in sport and recreation? Let's raise some money. Something I think these days he would think was a horrible alien Jewish lizard conspiracy designed to fundamentally uproot democracy in this world and leave us open to attack from our alien overlords. Yes.

There's a picture here that someone's drawn, which looks like the Queen's miracle album of all the cast drawn together. Wow, that's a pretty good drawing. Pretty good drawing, but Craven's got the biggest head there. Oh, no, and he's kind of flattened Sarah Green's face in a sort of weird way. Weirdly, in a kind of pie.

Well, it's, you know. So Mike Reed... I couldn't draw someone's face that well so mike read on the radio station how does he get up and then it breaks into so let me read you this this is apparently what mike read wrote about his daily day as a radio presenter doing breakfast show stuff right so 501 waking up from an unlikely dream panic stricken have i not heard the alarm and have overslept 50 502. Realise I haven't. Settle down for a quick 15-minute snooze,

but fail to pick up that dream where I left off. And I never got to speak to her. Oh, wipe the cum off the fucking crusty pillow. 515. Lady's voice whispers in my ear, time to get up. It's the operator with my alarm call. Pity they don't come around

and do breakfast as well and gob me off and wear like tiny little skirt and a yeah why can't they come out

with a bra on and fucking gob me off why can't some fucking dinner lady come over here with a full English and then fucking sit on my face while I waggle my tongue

as long as she's not foreign yeah do you know what I mean as long as I know where she was born. What a fucking cunt Mike Reed is. Anyway, 5.15. Noddy and Big Ears backup alarm goes off. I throw it into the nearest pile of socks.

Oh, fuck off, Mike Reed. 5.32. Throw myself out of bed and attempt to squeeze just one more brushful out of my empty toothpaste. Right, I see. Squeeze one more dropful

of spunk out of my fucking weeping meatus. What else? Fucking come back, Noel. All is forgiven, man. He spends three entries, time entries, explaining how to make tea. Like, 5.33, put tea in bag, boil kettle. He's a tea Nazi, I bet, as well. Oh, Paul, that reminds me.

We have to do the tea test. Yeah, we'll do that one week in the future. We've got a tea experiment lined up. Thrilling stuff. And it could be very iconoclastic and break people's minds. Anyway, 6.35. Get into Broadcasting House. Exchange unlimited banter with commissioners.

What does that mean? He goes, oh, you can't. I exchange unlimited banter. It's uncensored banter with commissioners. What does that mean? He goes, oh, you can't. I exchange unlimited banter. It's uncensored banter. What he means is he talked and they walked off while he was mid-sentence

because they were tired of listening to his inane fucking middle shit. Up in a lift. Right, he's in a lift now. That is a punishing schedule though. You arrive at 6.30.

Bloody hell. So he talks about threatening to get his guitar out on his radio show. Oh, God, he's always threatening to get his fucking guitar out. Oh, even there, 8.34, between a song, I pick up a guitar and strum a few chords. Shut up, Mike! You're not a professional musician. Why can't you be happy? You get to present telly, you know?

Exchange pleasantries with Tom, our commissioner, who extols the virtues of Doris Day and Howard Keel. I nod wisely and promise to play him a Howard Keel track as soon as possible. Who's Howard Keel? I don't know. Then Keith Chegwin's got a fucking horse. There's that. There's handwriting.

There's stamps. How to make a kite. More quizzes. Another fucking picture of him with a guitar. He just can't stop. He fucking can't stop. With Noel? He's so uncool, though. Did just, he can't stop. He fucking can't stop. With Noel, here's a picture of me. He's so uncool, though.

Did kids like him? I don't think they did. Yeah. I think they liked him because maybe he hosted a telly show. But outside of that, I don't think there was any love between him and the audience. Did he only went on to do the pop quiz after this? Mike Reed's pop quiz, which we did a couple of weeks back, featured on the show with a board game, didn't we? But here's the thing.

It's like, Noel Edmonds in these books. Here's me with a cow and a helicopter and a tractor and a lamb and a dog. Mike Reid, I've got me guitar. I've only got me guitar. And he writes hello chums

when he signs things. Like, he's a character in the Beano. Like, he's a Bass Street kid. And then we've got a dog. There's some weird stories in there. Like, they've written characters. Like, all the characters

from Swap Shop in like Sherlock Holmes adventures. Which, for me, seems like it's padding this book out considerably. Dickens, Pastiche with Sarah Green and all that playing characters. They used to have a Silver Broom Award. Did you remember? Do you know that?

I do remember that. Why do I remember that? Because kids would nominate their janitor in their school and the best janitor would get a Silver Broom. It literally was the best school janitor. Yeah. That's quite cool, isn't it? I mean...

Mr. Jones doesn't mind being teased. When the mice got in the cupboard, our brave caretaker took janitor. Yeah. Well, that's quite cool, isn't it? I mean... Mr. Jones doesn't mind being teased. When the mice got in the cupboard, our brave caretaker took them outside. Great. Do you know, like, a chicken would just eat a mouse if it saw it? My janitor, Mr. Staples, listens to our problems and has things to wipe up after accidents.

He gets our bouncy balls off the roof. That sounds loaded with fucking problems. Howard Keel was in Pagan Love Song. Don't know it. From 1950. Three Guys Named Mike. Don't know it. From 1950. Three Guys Named Mike. Don't know that. Show Boat.

You know that one. The musical. Yeah. So he's a singer. He's an actor-singer. But he's not primarily known for being an original pop artist. No, he's just some old,

it's like some old movie star. Oh mate, and here's the bit of this. I don't want to get, I don't want to be too grotty about this. Sarah Green, we both want.

Fucking look at that picture of Sarah Green and you tell me that she is not I told you about that porn we had at the back that looked like her yeah

in the shower I used to think it was her and you know what though it's like out of everything of Superstore she comes out of that unscathed

because fucking Chegwin you idolise Green don't you Ike became a fucking psychopath Mike Reid became a massive fucking stuck-up middle-class Tory racist. You've got fucking John Craven, who, to be fair, might be a lovely man. I've not heard of him in a while. No, he is.

I'm sure he's lively. He probably did Countryfile for a while, didn't he? He did. He's nice. So Sarah Green was a Blue Peter presenter, became Saturday Superstore, and then went on to going live with Phillips Goffield, where they cemented one of the greatest double acts of children's TV of all time. Who?

Her and Mike Smith? No, her and Phillips Goffield, where they cemented one of the greatest double acts of children's TV of all time. Who? Her and Mike Smith? No. Her and Philip Schofield were the Of course. One of the most iconic double acts. Well they worked together

didn't they? Yes. Richard and Judy pa! And Diamond and Nick whatever his name is fuck off! Yeah.

Schofield and Green. It's all about Schofield and Green. The connoisseurs. Yeah. The connoisseurs. They literally took what had happened

in Superstorm and went we can connoisseurs. Yeah. The connoisseurs. They literally took what had happened in Superstorm and went, we could do this fucking better. And they did. Going live was the cream of the 80s. If anyone hasn't picked up on this already, both myself and Paul think that Sarah Green is fucking hot stuff. I think she's beautiful.

Yeah, she is. Definitely. I'm not going to take that away from her. But also, she's the best on screen when it came to being a presenter. She had a very good, yeah. She had a very good atmosphere. She projected quite a lot of fun and sort of a light touch. She could roll with the punches a lot better.

She was a lot more game for silliness. Great presenter. Funny, talented. And next to Mike Reed, just so much better. You see the pictures of when Mike Reed says something awkward. And you can tell she's going, I'm going and you can tell she's going I'm going to have to save this now I'm going to have

to do something that offsets this awkward moment it's funny as well because I've been writing my book right and it's funny

that Ghostbusters right and My Love of the Supernatural have Sarah Green appear twice in my timeline one is because on Saturday Superstore

she showed the clip of Ghostbusters she presented that clip she did a movie thing and here's a clip of Ghostbusters coming out later in the year and so it was through her that I saw my first Ghostbusters. She presented that clip. She did a movie thing and here's a clip of Ghostbusters coming out later in the year. And so it was through her

that I saw my first ever Ghostbusters clip. The famous scene with Slimer sliming Peter Vaping in the hotel. That was the clip that they showed, isn't it? That was the first piece of Ghostbusters I ever saw. And was like, I want to know more.

Also, I love Sarah Green. But also, fast forward a decade, she's starring in Ghostwatch of course she was starring as herself in one of the best things

the BBC ever did yes all I'm saying is Sarah Green has been part of my childhood on two very special occasions three

but we're not talking about that because it's a sticky mess oh you wanked I did I did when I was when I first realised I was emitting fluids

in the swimming pool no I did it like every other normal kid, hidden under my bunk bed. Wave machine? No, I was under my... Now you don't have to lie to me. Do you want to know my first wank? My first wank was under my captain's bunk bed in the dark.

Your captain's bunk bed? Yeah, captain's bunk. You know, it's like a bed on the top, but like a desk underneath and a cabinet. Is that known as a captain's bunk bed? Yeah, captain's bunk. I had one of those. Yeah, they were fucking great. But you know that little negative space underneath? I turned it into a den with pillows and known as a captain's bunk? Yeah, a captain's bunk. I had one of those. Yeah, they were fucking great. But you know that little

negative space underneath? I turned it into a den with pillows and stuff. Underneath the desk? Yeah. Right. Because it was a bed and a desk,

but behind it, there was like this space and ours was up against the wall, so I had this little special cavern. I see. The wank cavern. It became my wank cave. Yes.

It was where I would go to discover myself and see what this strange feeling was that happened when I rubbed myself to fruition. I got it off the wave machine in Letchworth Leisure Centre. Yeah, well, apparently a lot of people got it off the wave machine as well. I didn't come. There was no physical coming.

There's some jokes on this unfunny page. It's just a funny feeling in my belly. Oh, jokes, small jokes, yay. Where was the Magna Carta signed? On the bottom of the last page. Yeah, exactly that. Well played. Very good response.

Is that what it says? Yeah. Right, okay. How do you cure a kangaroo of appendicitis? You have to take it to a veterinary hospital and get a qualified surgeon to remove its appendix. That's exactly what it says here. Before it...

Dies of encepticit dies of blood poisoning. Is that what it says? No, it says give it a hoperation. Oh, my fucking word. Give us another joke. I'll give you one

because these are all really fucking awful. It's not really a corner spot. My sister fell down the stairs. I say, I say, I say, how did your sister

fall down the stairs? No, it's not that kind of joke. No, I say, I say, I say. How did your sister fall down the stairs? No, it's not that kind of joke. No, I say, I say. What happened to your sister? She crossed me and I pushed her. No, my sister fell down the stairs. Friend says, Seller?

No, I think we can get her mended. Oh, that's... What animals jump higher than the Blackpool Tower? When I chucked a cat off it. No, all of them. Because the Blackpool Tower? When I chucked a cat off it. No, all of them because the Blackpool Tower can't jump. Well, there's interviews

here with Nick Kershaw and Howard Jones. I wouldn't chuck a cat off anything. There's a page about sea facts. I love cats. I love animals.

Yeah. Oh, there's a page about sea facts. I like dogs. Can I? You don't like dogs. No, I don't. I'm a cat person.

Yeah, we're both cat people. Would you want to look at the sea facts? I just want to look at the CFAX I just want to look at the book please Paul alright let me just make sure there's

nothing in here I want to talk about we're coming up to the judgment the showdown itself oh wait there's one more page of Mike Reid's collection

of jukeboxes I mean he would he would have a collection of jukeboxes every single person this is the thing you're right Noel Edmonds

every picture he's like hey I'm happy to be here oh I'm playing my part every one of Mike Reid is like must I really must I happy to be here. Oh, I'm playing my part. Every one of Mike Reed is like, must I really?

Must I have to? Do I have to? Must to really? Look at him with these old VHSs sitting on top of his jukeboxes. He's just coasted

on the hard work of other radio presenters that have done similar things. He's kind of stuck in the moment he discovered rock and roll in the 50s as well, isn't he? You know what I mean?

He's stuck in that can of what? Terrible haircut and those glasses. I didn't have much of an opinion on mike reed until recently then we started doing like all these episodes i know because he was he kind of doesn't because he was he's unmemorable wasn't he yeah yeah it's part of that whole thing was like him and bruno brooks and alan davies are like they were kind of the second tier radio one presenters that kind of just farted out out of radio to do Top of the Pops every now and then

or whatever yeah Russell Grant is he that astrologer yeah what a cunt yeah

why does he always pop up in everything because he was in everything in the 80s yeah he was in fucking everything wasn't he we've got to cram this in

alright we've got to cram this in now so to end on Sarah Green had a real style about her she was fucking stunning And looked cool Even with all the 80s fucking mass upon her

Even with all of that But look we're going to end this segment Because there was a song released Outside of the theme tune Which was called Down at the Superstore And it sounded like this You need to find a place Where you can make some friends sounded like this. Saturday morning, get down to the Superstore

We're gonna check out the store Down at the store Chris at Columbus was wearing a frown Convincing the family he knew that the world was round Oh, Daddy Chrissy, you're such a bore So he grabs her toothpaste Not as good as Swap Shop, but they also released a song because they had a puppet on the show called Crow,

which I think came in the second or third season. And it was a scout's puppet, which they hated. And then... They put out a single. Yeah, they put out a single called... Geronimo. Geronimo. G-E-R-O-N-M-I-O.

And it sounds... God, it sounds just like this. Hi, and welcome to Maddie Madison Square Garden in New York City. Are you having a good time out there? Well, let's give a great big New York welcome for the one, the only, Mr. Groh! Get ready for it! Geronimo! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Thank you. Excuse me, Governor, I've got Virgo on the phone. He wants to know if he can come to the gig tomorrow night. Yeah, of course he can. But I tell you what, he likes to play. G-O-O-M-I-M-O All the kids are singing to Geronimo G-O-O-M-I-M-O It's a-b-b-b-b-b-magical Make it so cool

Now, this didn't chop very highly either. No, that's what's known as a terrible novelty. Bruce Springfield. Is that his name? Steen. Bruce Springsteen. Why am I saying Springfield? Because Simpsons.

Bruce Springfield? What am I talking about? I don't know. I do it all the time. Welcome to my mouth. Welcome to my mouth. Eli, time. Welcome to my mouth. Welcome to my mouth. Eli. Eli, welcome to my mouth.

No, you don't say it like that, do you? Welcome to my mouth. Thank you for coming in. Chud! Chud! Chud! No more chud. No more chud.

To the chud. Right. I'm chugging on chud. Now. Here comes the wave machine. The wave machine. Now, that is... I'm choking on chud. Now. Here comes the wave machine. The wave machine. Now, that is... I'm sorry I said that.

I'm sorry I said a lot of things today. You've apologised. That crow is... It's a Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. Springsteen. This didn't chart very highly. I think it got to, like, number 80 or something in the charts.

Which still beat Kim Goody, which must really be calling. I don't think she thinks about that. No, no. And it's not, you know what? It's not the worst song I've ever seen. It's fucking bad. Yeah, but it's not the worst I've ever heard of this type.

But just like so many of these novelty records from that era, Paul, it has a blues on the B-side, doesn't it? The B-side, what do we do? We'll just be meta and self-referential, comment on the has a blues on the B-side, doesn't it? The B-side, what do we do? We'll just be meta and self-referential, comment on the fact that it's a B-side. And do a blues. And do a blues because it's easy, isn't it?

Yeah. I was a little crow. I always wanted to know where I come from. Where I come from. My mama used to say, she told me one day where I come from. Well, I used to dream about a big fat world. It was six foot tall. It helped me to learn where I came from. Oh, where I came from. The only trouble here when he's speaking in me. With his long green tongue sticking in me.

That's the sound he'd make yeah he'd go and then I'd grab my little harmonica and I'd go all it says here is that it's produced

by Jeff Revell and Mr Crow, engineered by Nick Smith. Big thanks to the Crowlets, the Treetop Horns, the Crowbars, and Crow's Roadie, Mickey Rook. A special thank you to Mary Edwards and CB for all their inspiration. Care of the Puppet Factory. So this was independently released and not really anything to do with the bbc even the label is just wea which i don't know what that is well it's a

huge group that was what atlantic and warner brothers and all of them that was like it all joined weird that it's not a uh bbc record though yeah very strange because it was front it was literally from a from the show yeah he was on the show and there's no mention of the Superstore on the record, is there? No, absolutely none, apart from the logo, which obviously used the same font, the crow and stuff, and the Geronimo.

Oh, yeah. Used the same font. And the same colour. Yeah. Oh, how interesting. So it catches your eye in that way, but not necessarily has the... But they couldn't,

because the BBC can't sell a commercial product like that, can they? Or, I mean, no, they couldn't. That's why they have BBC Worldwide for that very reason. And BBC Records and Tapes. Yeah. Why wasn't it put out by BBC Records and Tapes, I wonder? I would argue what happened is

the guy who made the puppet and everything got a deal and so they did it independently, created an independent label. And said, we're not going to mention the Superstore on it. But that could have hurt the prospects for the single. Perhaps if they branded it more of a superstore thing, it might have sold better. Maybe.

Who knows? Because it disappeared without a trace. 80? I like that. Can I put it in my collection of novelty records? Yes, of course you can have it in your novelty. It's proper shit, that. Yeah, you can have Mike Reed's Tell Me I'm Wrong as well.

No, you've got to have both. I do not want the Mike Reed's. It's a two for one. I don't want that Mike Reed's. It's a two for one. Have you played some of that Mike Reed's? Yeah, we've played a bit of everything. God, shit. No, I don't think we need to play Tell Me I'm Wrong

because we did it a few episodes ago. Well, two years ago. We're not doing it again. How dare you? No, it's terrible. We've played Geronimo and the Cliff Song and the theme tune. That's enough.

Is it time for the showdown now? I think it is time now to announce what we think is the winner based on their merch and legacy. So join us after this short commercial break. Everybody. Stop saying everybody. this short commercial break. Everybody. No, stop saying everybody. Everyone who is here is here.

I know, we're all here. Welcome to my mouth. Catch a passing elephant around the Merigo Zoo. Paddle with the penguins and meet the giraffe too. Then join the treehouse family living in the trees. Those tree tops have a playground. Can we see it please? They're springing off the springboard and seeing down the saw. That treehouse playground is such fun. They'll all be back for more. Merry-go-zoo treehouse and new treehouse playground.

It's discovery time from Palatoy. Mainline trains are getting closer and closer to the real thing. Now they've got electronic steam sound built in. Steam sound sets from mainline railways. You'll flip over Guess Who, a great family game. Pick a card, then use all your powers of deduction to guess who. Does the mystery person have blue eyes? Wear glasses? A hat? Is it Tom, Robert, Anne or Bill? No, it's Claire!

You'll flip over Guess Who from NB Games. Right, to signify the end of this episode, Eli just ripped off a big, big dirty fart. No, I did not. Which sounded like someone slitting a cow's throat. No, it didn't.

And it now stinks in here of the most acrid of bodily smells. It does. I can smell it. You're lying. I'm not lying. Don't lie.

Why do you have to lie? I'm not lying. Why do you have to besmirch me? I'm sitting in your arse fog and I don't like it. And then bring it to people's attention, so you're becoming more self-conscious.

No one needs to know that. You're right, they don't need to know. It's not true. But I'm telling them. It's not true. So they can have a peek inside the world of pain I live in. I can smell your fingernails. Yeah?

What do they smell like? A camembert. No. So, it is two episodes, two 90-minute segments. It's now time to finally pick the winner now last week I did a poll on Twitter

to ask people what they thought was the best I said I said swap shop can I have this Sarah Green picture

no I'll just pull it out but I will take a photograph of it and send it to you if you need it did you see there's one of her on a bed as well in it

yeah mate I can't I can't get an erection in front of you right now. I don't want to. But also, you put the book down

so you don't get an erection in front of me. Oh, why do giraffes have long necks? Don't know. So they can get away from their smelly feet. Take another pass

on that gag, everybody. For fuck's sake. Just let's throw it into the writer's room. You know what I mean? Right, so I said to them, what was the best? Swap shop, tis was Saturday Superstore or number 73. Do you want to know say just let's throw it into the writer's room right so i said to them what was the best swap

shop tis was saturday superstore or number 73 right do you want to know what i think i ran the poll for three days and we got 208 votes okay right not too bad do you think one tis was okay here is the actual results now it's difficult because based on twitter you don't know what the demographic of people voting is whether whether people saw it or remember it. That's not the point. No, I know, but what I'm saying is... You'd think the people who voted had an opinion, so would have seen some of these. You'd like to think, well, you know what the internet's like. People often vote without having an opinion.

Well, it's very easy, isn't it? You just sort of tick a box. So, best, I put. So, Swap Shop came out at 24%. Tiz was 27%. Saturday Superstore, 9%. Number 73, 39%. It's loved. It is the more kind. It came out on top in this pot. I was wrong.

I stand corrected. Some comments underneath. Alex said he only watched number 73 when Frank's Sidebottom was on. Starbucks says definitely Tiz was, but if I had to choose now, I would pick Dick and Dom in the bungalow. I guess that's a generational thing.

There was also Saturday Starship. Dick and Dom in the bungalow? Was that how? It was a pretty good BBC. It was way after my time. Right. But it was a pretty good Saturday morning show.

But it was the same format. Same format. Same thing with cartoons. Dick and Dom hosted it. Right. Silliness. And there was also a show called Saturday Starship with Tommy Boyd that was presented that I think was around the same

time as number 73 okay Saturday Banana and stuff like that what was the other comments I have saw someone said they were part of the Whacker Day going live generation which is true the Wide Awake Club came just after or just in the middle of all of this I think it was around when these were sort of when 73 and Superstore were coming into their last few years

yeah I think Whack-A-Day and all that sort of started to happen it was weaving in and out yeah it overlapped and outlived

all of these didn't it well yeah it went into the 90s well because it was a weekday show Whack-A-Day as opposed to a weekend show okay but it was just

it was kids it was like a kids it was Timmy Mallet wasn't it and Michaela Strachan and and tommy boyd and stuff strachan sorry julie's the song as well i know uh radio what was it called project radio or something it was not very good happy radio which is a cover of a motown song right like a temptation song which as we discussed a little while ago like i've seen a lot of people just did horrible 90s casio remakes well i mean the motown covers were huge it was a huge trend in the 80s yeah think of can't hurry love can't hurry love by phil collins probably the biggest hit cover motown cover yeah and that was all part of that

baby boomer thing as well where the baby boomers remembering their nostalgia yeah which is what our generation's fucking doing now with shit like star wars and things in the 80s where it's like phil collins going oh do you remember the 50s and 60s when things were tough and you know Z cars and stuff is the equivalent of fucking some cunt now going oh Star Wars I know precious Star Wars don't touch my Star Wars loophole says I was always a swap shop kid tis was was too cluttered and unruly for me at the time oh fuck off yeah we all know that fucking loophole online I have a stamp collection you a selection of Hornby trains. You like order?

You like order? Stu Pickford says, Tis was was wild. Fair enough. It was. David Glover says, Going live and or get fresh. That was the other appeasing one.

Come on. Going live was good. It shits all over them. Tis was shits all over them. No, but even Tis was was sloppy to the point that I think that... Of proper danger. Doesn't necessarily mean it was the best, though. What's the most rock and roll of these?

Tiz was, easily. So someone says, oh, I don't know any of them because I'm too young to know the references. Fine. CPCRetro says, Saturday Superstore, I won the silly sound competition winning a kazoo and talking to Keith Chegwin. Yes, you do winning a kazoo and talking to Keith Chegwin. Yes, you do deserve

a kazoo for talking to Keith Chegwin and a tetanus shot. And then someone goes, Uncle Mentis says, if someone doesn't vote for Tiz Was, A, they're wrong, and B, he's cruising for a flanning. I have to agree with Uncle Mentis on that. So, here's what we're going to do, me and you right now. Based on the legacy of

these shows, based on the merchandise, based on everything, what is the best of the Saturday morning shows in our showdown? Eli, I'm going to let you pick. Think like best of the worst, you know, Red Letter Media. Pick the best of the Saturday morning showdown. Well, I think it has to be Tiswas. Even though I do find the LP annoying to listen to. Right.

I think it's just the most fun and the most like creatively verdant yeah yeah it's the most fun the proper a proper feeling of anarchy and danger which i don't think any of the other shows really only when they were fucking up with tis was it's like it's going right when it's fucking pure chaos yeah do you see what i mean it's like this is what we're trying to get and they harness that that chaotic energy of live tv yeah in a way that really works for the show makes it exciting do this is what we're trying to get and they harness that that chaotic energy of live tv yeah in a way that really works for the show makes it exciting do you see what i mean yeah i don't think any of those other shows really got that not in the same way but that superstore

especially is just fucking shit okay so if i'm 73 i just find boring i'm sorry i just find it boring and cringy um the merch though the swapap Shop. If I was going to go for number two, it'd be Swap Shop. So I'd have to... Tis was Swap Shop. What then? 73. And then Superstore.

I mean, Superstore's just despicable. Superstore was like a stopgap until we got the glory of going live. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. When it's like, they turn out... Superstore, yeah.

It's like all the old guard. It was all very tired and shit, wasn't it? All right. So Eli picks that. I'm going to pick Bottom, Saturday Superstore. We both agree on that. It's a lesser version of Swap Shop on all levels. Yes.

What saves it is effectively Sarah Green and the cringe factor. Yeah. Which makes it a curio to watch. Now, I'm going to put videos to some episodes of Swap Shop and the Tizwell's revival that happened in the early 2000s as well when they did a new episode of Tiz Wars. Is that good? I never saw it,

so it's on YouTube. Put a link to an actual original Tiz Wars episode. I will put links to as many clips of note on the page for this episode. Okay. So if you go to thecheapshow.co.uk,

look for Showdown Part 2. There'll be a page there of images and also video clips of Swap Shop and Tiz Wars. What was the Tiz Wars revival like? It was just like, it was just them doing, it was like the Swap Shop and Tiz Wars. What was the Tiz Wars revival like? It was just like, it was just them doing, it was like the Swap Shop revival,

where it was just like. Did they do a Swap Shop revival as well? For one night only, they did a few hours, two hours of TV, where they kind of recreate a few of the things they did, but also talked about it in a kind of conversational interview way as well.

A retrospective. Yeah. More than a recreation, if that makes more sense. So here's my, so here's my list. Bottom, Superstore. Dog shit, sorry.

Weak piss. Then number 73. Then Tizwas. But the only reason I'm putting Tizwas is because it meant less to me as a kid because I couldn't see it.

Oh no, it was very early on wasn't it? Yeah, but it is the progenitor like we said of all of this. Yeah. But for me number one is Swap Shop. That was your...

That's your special place i would say that no because again i didn't know swap shop all that much i'm coming into kids tv at this time around about 73 and superstore and me growing up yeah and me growing up watching number 73 was more common than superstore tis was oh 73 sorry i thought you were referring to the year there yeah Swap Shop and Tiz was something I had to come back to older

when they were showing clips on TV or whatever but now I can step back and look at it and look at all the merch and it's like well they had the pop songs and all those books

and the Tiz was I mean if you're looking just at the media Tiz was had some really good things well produced things to the album

a concept album effectively essentially and the annual was pretty well put together much classier than anything else like that fucking

Crowe record or Mike Reed's terrible record or you know no no no you know number 73 didn't leave that much

of a footprint culturally outside of the book the logo of the door the badge the best thing about 73 has got to be that badge yeah and Sandy Toksvik

is part of that legacy. So did the badge become something like the Blue Peter badge where it was sort of coveted? Yeah. Because you couldn't get it

by just buying it. You had to have been on the show or had a letter read out on the show or something. And Jim will fix it. No, you had to get more hands on with Jim will fix it. No, I mean,

generally you had to be on a roller coaster and eat ice cream before you got one. Yeah. You know, or you had to be on a roller coaster and eat ice cream before you got one. Or give someone the keys to a mortuary. Maybe you got a badge that way. Was that you? Do you look at that

every night in your little cigar box that you hid under the stairs and go, I shouldn't have accepted that Jim will fix it badge? All I'm saying is a lot of these TV shows had sort of coveted badges or medallions in the case of Jim and Vixen. And, you know, that was what made it stand out. But ultimately, I am going to go with Swap Shop.

I think the iconography of it is important. I think what it did, because Tizwas didn't have, you know, people phoning in to speak to guests. No. Stuff like that. So Swap Shop was interactive. It was too wet. The stage would have been too wet for electronics. There was so much flan flying around.

There's no focus. There's not enough focus, I think. That's what I like, that proper sort of chaos. Which is what we do on this show and on Digitizer. To a certain extent. So we are more of the gene pool of Tizwell. Of Tizwell, definitely. But I think I respect Swap Shop for what it actually did to live TV,

for kids' TV, for the interaction between celebrities and kids, to the travelling road show element. Yeah. You know what I mean? It just left. It did launch Noel. When you think of the 70s as a British person, part of that nostalgia is Swap Shop.

Tiz Was, I agree with, but Tiz Was was so niche to certain regions that it couldn't have had the same popular impact as Swap Shop. Well, I think it started to in the early 80s just before it sort of stopped. It certainly's certainly why i remember it but i think my distant memory of it was the last season when it was shown once on granada one saturday yeah yeah so there you go so i'm gonna go with that yes well there you go i wonder what you would pick

well we know what they picked on twitter it was 73 with number 73. As soon as I'm going, they went with number 73. Oh, yeah, they did, yeah. Tiz was was the second. Was second. So if we get, well, on overall votes, Yeah. It's Tiz was. I was, if we're going to bottle this,

I would say Tiz was and Swap Shop should be equal ranking because they were separate sides of the same coin. Yeah. You know? And they both did a lot for changing TV.

But Swap Shop was inspired by Tiz was, wasn't it? No, it wasn't. It wasn't? It wasn't because they both came out at the exact same time, basically. The difference is that Tiz Was had a slow rollout across the regions. I see. And Swap Shop hit everywhere at once.

Because it was the BBC. Yeah. And they had a different model. It was a national model. I genuinely don't believe anyone working for Swap Shop knew anything that was going on with Tiz Was at all. Probably not, no. So they were just sealed in their own little worlds, but they both managed to bubble up at the same time and change TV.

Because again, it's not just those shows. It's like what they did for Saturday Morning TV. It's the celebrities they released. It's the names they made big. But do you know if there was anything existing on American television? I don't know. At that time or before? I don't know.

They just did a similar thing. I don't honestly know. If you're an American listener or international listener, because some people said when they couldn't get Tizwas, all they had that Saturday morning was like an educational school's film that went out. You know, those called British. Those children's, BB's children's film fund.

That's like Danny the Dragon. Yeah. And that one with the knight in like a haunted castle. All that stuff was out in those slots. Those were terrible. And mate, look, Paul, do you want to watch Saturday Superstore or do you want to watch fucking Danny the Dragon?

Well, Sarah Green's on Saturday Superstore, so I'm going to do that. And then I'm going to go underneath my man cave in my captain's bunk and make all my pillows sticky. Are we doing the sex episode again? We're going to do that soon, by the way. Are we?

So if anyone wants to get their fan fiction ready, we're going to be calling on it. I was going to do it for Valentine's Day, but I haven't got the time to plan it in this. Can we do something nice for Valentine's Day? Well, yeah. You can come in my mouth if you want. So that's it.

That's it. The episode's over then. That's all we've got time for. Funnily enough, between these two episodes, we've made a three-hour show, which is about the same length as a Saturday morning kids TV show hey come on everybody

so there you go so thank you for getting involved with the pod we're back next week for more mucky cheap show business noodles where Eli gets some noodles

and some sauces out fucking noodles mate because he's been sitting on them for a while it's been too long it's about time we let him release the noodle release the fucking

fetid noodle what are you doing there with your hand there's a stroke in it what I thought you were cupping your balls I was not cupping there was a cupping your hand there's a stroke in it it's like what that you were cupping your balls and stroking I was not cupping

there was a cupping your hand was in a cupped position well I'm sorry fucking anyway thank you for listening to Cheap Show

you can support us on Patreon if you'd like patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show give what you can but only if you can thanks for that everybody what else

yeah email thecheapshow at gmail.com I'm at Paul Gannon Show on Twitter at thecheapshow at gmail.com. I'm at PaulGannonShow on Twitter, at thecheapshowpod, and Eli is... Eli Snoid, spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Come on, everybody!

And everything else is on our website. There's going to be a page specifically designed... Oh, should I try this soda? No, there's going to be a page specifically built for this episode where you can see videos and pictures and all sorts. So, great. Can we do it next week? thecheapshow.co.uk. Yes, we can do videos and pictures and all sorts. So, great. Can we do it next week? Thecheapshow.co.uk.

Yes, we can do your fucking stupid drink next week. It's days. Just a little foreshadowing here. This is Mountain Pop. Oh, never heard of that, have you? No. As a flavour, days, Mountain Pop. Well, that's something to look forward to next week when Eli brings the food.

And some fucking soda. But that's all we've got time for this week. So, we're going to play out with Redbox and the track, For America. See you next week, everyone. Bye. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone.

Thanks for coming. Put that down. Put that down. No, pick that up again. Put that down. Come round here. Put it down. No.

Chug. Chant.