CheapShow - Ep 270: A Dark Day

Episode Date: February 25, 2022

Sorry. It’s not our finest hour this week, we realise this. Our usual high standards were not met and what should have been a fun and fresh Price of Shite turned into an utterly embarrassing mess. Things were said, regrettable actions were made and as a result, we feel we have let you all down. We ask that you take this episode as an example of what not to do in a podcast. Please learn from our mistakes. We hope you can accept our apology and we will try to be better next time. But then, some of you like car wreck s***shows, so maybe this is one of the better episodes? Who knows? We are not the ones to judge. Please enjoy. Please. See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-270-a-dark-day And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Fuck's sake, man. You ready? That's my best work I just did. You should have fucking pressed record. Listen, when the magic starts, it's your job to press record. Is it? Is it my job to... Is it my job to...

As soon as the magic starts to come out my mouth, all right, start it. Come on. Because the magic is... You think the magic's there? Have you started? Have I? Why do I have to go through this shit with you?

It's elaborate. You love this floor play, don't you? Me rubbing the meters, trying to get a pearl. Have you started? Yes. All right. I have started. In that case, very on message for what I just said about rubbing the meters to get a pool.

A peel. A pool? Hello. Oh, here we go again. You're obsessed, mate. You dirty pervert. Have we said a weepy peepee? Have we referred to someone's thing as dirty pervert. Have we said a weepy peepee? Have we referred to someone's thing as a weepy peepee before?

A weepy peepee? No, we haven't. Good. That's my contribution. I'm done. See you later, Paul. Bye, Eli. Weepy meaty.

He didn't even say it right then. You're such a fucking wank. Weepy meaty's better, though. You know what that refers to? What? A meatus. Yeah, your meatus is down in the mouth mate

it's just one sad little fucking grimace this is what our tumblr account's gonna be this is not the best cold open

I hate the cold open I like them I'm sorry to give this to you I'm sorry but I would prefer more just to go into it structure

no yes to go hello what we used to do I used to go hello I'm Eli Silverman I used to be someone you know an actual never a thing not just some you know little cretinous little dirty pant troll man what we used to do. I used to go, hello, I'm Eli Silverman. I used to be someone. You know, an actual thing.

Not just some, you know, little cretinous, little dirty pant troll man. I did have something. Fucking rubbing your weeping meters. I did have some... Weepy meepy. I had some...

Meep meep. I had some pre-show information. Oh, let's do that then. Okay. No, fine. I heard back from Madam Flatmagash that... I didn't want to talk about this.

No, I told you I didn't want to talk about this date i told you i didn't want to talk about this the date went really well with porky bro i don't need to hear that apparently he got two fingers in he must have very big fingers yeah very big yeah i didn't notice about that about him maybe he was hiding them in that bag he had in his pockets he had some kind of colostomy bag thing don't add to my characters don't you dare add to my characters close to me back he was as we mentioned before this recording Paul

the breakout star of last week yes it's true most not a character character of all your characters

ever and that is really saying something because most of your characters are literally something that I say that's funny like porky broth

oh hang on a second who actually did say porky broth I said porky broth I said fucking porky broth I said porky broth because it was. Who actually did say Porky Broth? I said Porky Broth. I said fucking Porky Broth. I said Porky Broth. Because it was on the ingredients. It said Porky Broth on the fucking, on the noodle pot.

And I said Porky Broth. And you went, eh, Porky Broth. Did your fucking voice. And then he fucking, and now he's had two fingers in the woman I love. Mate, all your characters are just normal, boring people with a leaky appendage. That's all your characters are just normal, boring people with a leaky appendage. That's all your characters are. They leak, seep, or ejaculate with something. Or squish things.

Jimmy Boy Sprinkles. Pussy Sprinkles. Jimmy Boy Sprinkles who used to be Precum John. Stroke. Leaky Ken. Drip Drop Dan. Drip Drop Daddy. Drip Drop Daddy is a character.

He doesn't produce himself. He doesn't produce the Sprinkles himself. Who is Drip Drop Daddy? a character he doesn't produce himself he doesn't produce the sprinkles himself who is Drip Drop Danny he's all just you know what enough this is the cold open hello welcome to

the cheap show blah blah blah podcast about cheap things oh god but what oh I'll tell you that in the next bit

don't I yeah you twat I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of cheap show.

You're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show.

And a go and a nuzzle. We're in the house of sausage and mash. It's time for more cheap adventures on the Cheap Show with me, Paul Gannon. Okay, and me, Eli Silverman. And every week we go through the pound land, the bargain bins, the... You really are. You're at an absolute loss, aren't you? That's what you got. Poundland.

That's what it's been truncated to after all these years of magic. Charity shops, Poundlands, thrift shops, Goodwill stores, jumble sales, flea markets, bazaars. Oh, I like this. You're actually turning me on with this now. It's an old school list. Yeah, secondhand

shops yeah thrift thrift stores vintage fashion knockoff ripoff shops well we try not to buy stuff from those too much unless they're very high quality items such as pin badges pin badges are our favorite thing but pin badges oh mate i've lost all will to live just then just then it all fell out. No. It's when I said pin badges for the second time. Weirdly, it just toppled out of me. Paul, what have we got coming up on the show today? Today on the show,

we have a very special price of shite, which has been delivered to our PO box. And hey, if you're listening to this show right now and you want to see some of the things we investigate in this episode, go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, where you can find a page for every episode

and every episode page has images and sometimes videos on. A lot of nice photos on the website. You can join in there. Go and look at the photos of the show on the website. So we're going to do

a lovely bespoke Price of Shite. It's a bespoke Price of Shite that one of our listeners has sent in, is it? Yes, and it's an interesting one and I'll reveal why it's interesting in the next segment of the show. I've got my doubts about how interesting it will

be, and also the whole concept doesn't seem to work for me, and I think we've done it before. Haven't we done it before? What? I mean, we've got nothing. A price of shite. What's in the minute? Oh, we're talking about Tizwas again. Some cunt who knows all about Tizwas has attacked our show. Some very nice guy who runs a Twitter account

that talks about Twiz was. Twix was a chocolate bar. Right. And he was very kindly to his audience. I'm sorry I called him a cunt. I love it.

Retweeted our tweet and told people to listen to it because it was a very interesting and funny podcast. Thank you very much, Derek. But no, by all means, call this relative kind stranger a cunt.

No, I didn't mean that. Just because you don't even have the energy. All I'm saying is, yeah. To love and care. What's it like to live without love, Eli? Oh, don't. What's it like to be a hollow alleyway?

How dare you stick the knife in after porky broth? All I've got running, I'm trying to do the show today, Paul. All I've got of images of fucking porky broths, hugely distended, tumescent fingers, slopping it out of that flappy hole that was dragging it on the floor the other day. Mate, I heard them go at it next door What did it sound like? It sounded like the

Come on, do it with your mouth Don't do it with your mouth I was going to say it sounded like the afternoon show at SeaWorld Brilliant Now I'm on board All the sea lions and fucking SeaWorld. Brilliant. Now I'm on board, Paul. All the sea lions and fucking... Buckets of fish.

Dolphins and shit. An icy bucket of haddock. Hitting a wall. It was, you know what? That didn't live up to it. It didn't live up to it. You shouldn't have tried. No.

Don't do what I ask you just because I ask you, mate. I don't, usually. I know, you shouldn't have then. Gone. No, look, we talk to the Tiswas person now. Yes. Oh, so I'll bring it up now. Sorry, I did not mean to call you the C word.

Nice Mr. Tiswas guy who enjoys our show. So, Tiswas Online, you can follow them on Twitter, at Tiswas Online, very kindly shared our tweet. And they said, very funny, very crude, but we took the right decision in voting for TizWaz. I said, thank you. I said, I know we got a few things wrong because as we stated in the episode, this wasn't

going to be an exhaustive history of the genre. It's nice to be factually accurate though, isn't it? We weren't wrong. We just didn't have all the details, right? Because I said it was interesting because we didn't know too much about what was going on in other regions. And the account says, he says, although Tiswas being the first Saturday morning show is a lovely myth

that they'd love to be true, it was beaten by Grampian's Royan friends, HTV's Orbit and LWT's Saturday Scene. And that all happened in 1973. Very interesting. A full year. Very interesting. A full year. Very interesting. A full year before Tiswas even existed.

Yeah. Even as the Lynx thing. Yeah. So every region had their own Saturday morning show of some description using that rough format. Paul, if I may, I'd like to draw a metaphor from this or make a comparison to the beginning of life on the planet, animal life on the planet. Right. From the Cambrian explosion, as they call it.

Now, there was a lot more basic life forms around then basic templates a few of which then turned into the templates like the mammals or whatever the the families that we have today but there were loads more like 13 other ones that died out yeah a whole different body plans from out of the primordial soup we basically the cambrian, the Cambrian, these were sea creatures, small sea creatures, the Cambrian explosion, they call it, even though it's like a 50 million year long explosion. And you're comparing Saturday morning TV to that. There were a lot of different creatures around early on

in the Saturday TV morning world, all with little specialisations in their little areas. And then they coalesced and changed and evolved over the years and tis was was like the was the winner a late comer who perhaps had some different different types of mandibles on his face or something to help that in food from the from the ocean currents the little bits of debris and food and had a mouth parts insectoid mouth parts that's what i'm saying it just infers that that Mike Reed is at the top of that evolutionary ladder. All I'm saying,

that is actually interesting to me, that it wasn't, Tis Was came out and didn't come out of nowhere, but it was very much a regional, it seemed to be very much a regional ITV sort of phenomena at first. He goes on to say,

the BBC did notice the ratings were in decline in the Midlands area where these other shows were floating about. And so that's why they launched Swap Shop in October 1976. Swap Shop's existence is because of Tiswas, even though the two shows are chalk and cheese. Also, the main reason Tiswas went

near national in late 79 was that the long ITV strike meant that LWT and Granada didn't have shows ready to play out at the weekends. So ATV did, who made Tiswas. They sported off them because they didn't have the people to make their shows. And they were constantly trying to sell Tiswas to other regions. But for some reason, they wouldn't take them.

These other regions were like, ugh. But then they were forced to by this industrial action. Is that what you're saying? Kind of. And they even offered Tiswas as a freebie to these regions. And they still weren't going to have it. They'll say, no, thank you. We're going to make Mr. Banana or whatever for ourselves.

Yeah, so it took them a long time. LWT and Southern held out for a long time with their Saturday scene, our show, and Saturday Banana. But wasn't the writing on the wall with the huge popularity of Tiz was? The sort of groundswell of support for it. That's what I always imagined.

I believe whatever the opposite of a catch-22 is, where it feels like it got known because other regions were buying it because of the strike because they weren't making that's quite fortuitous that they got they got sold because of the strike so it got bigger because people got more access to it it wasn't so much that people wanted it because they didn't have the access yeah i mean it'd be fascinating to see some of these other things that it was his was was competing against there's no media there's not a lot of media that you don't get books from those and

stuff. There's a few things floating about on YouTube. There's one that Tommy Boyd did, which was Saturday Starship, which is very Tizwas-y, and that was an ITV regional one as well. And then just to close off, it says this guy lived in the Anglia region in 79 and the only thing they were showing was Saturday

Banana still by Bill Oddie. But then even LWT had dropped Tis Was and Granada just showed a lot of black and white films up until they decided to show Tis Was so it looks like Granada

held out the longest can you imagine waking up every day and thinking oh at least there's some kids programme on but no it's like

what kind of those really they must be proper PG wouldn't it be like Nanook of the North or whatever just proper PG just terrible PG school foundation films like Larry the Dragon or whatever? Just proper PG, just terrible PG

School foundation films, like Larry the Dragon or whatever that fucking thing is. No, that would be good He said black and white, those children's foundation films No, they were black and white, those early ones Those would be kind of more interesting, they're terrible boring films. Yeah, but it's not that they're going to get the Citrinians films at that time of the day No, those kind of films that they'd show at that

time of day must be the most boring like the type of films that they'd show at that time of day must be the most boring. Like the type of films that they'd show in sort of dentist waiting rooms or something. No, it's the kind of shit that they would have shown, like ITV 2 in the morning kind of thing when they were just filling up time. You know, it's that kind of... Yeah, filler, absolute filler.

Did you ever go to the dentist or the doctor or somewhere like that where you had to wait and they had a TV in there and they were showing sort of a medley clip show of Harold Lloyd? No, never, never. That was everywhere. Just sort of greatest slapstick era clip sort of thing.

All I remember from going to the dentist or the doctors was the waiting room was always the same. Horrible chairs, a shitty coffee table full of mags that were seven months out of date. National Geographic. And toys. Yeah, National Geographic or like Hello Magazine. I always used to go for the National Geographic. And then a box of toys in the corner that look like they haven't been washed

since the 80s. Yeah. Just grotty, dirty, everything's manky. There's a grease to all the plasticky toys. Yeah. Yeah.

I've got the smell coming off it. Yeah. I've got a niff of a nostalgic dentist Right, one last bit of news. So on Instagram, ChickenToast26 says this

about our noodles thing last time. He goes, the Katsu Curry pot noodle tastes exactly the same as their original curry flavour and it even has the exact same mango chutney sachet. So the mango chutney sachet is a fucking leftover from their previous

so that's pretty deceitful of pot noodle there, I have to say. They're suggesting that all they've done is just scribbled off the part that says curry and added Katsu on it. Yeah, they have, haven't they? Those cheapskates. Not the good kind, either. It would be interesting, actually, knowing that now,

to put them side to side, pot noodle curry and pot noodle katsu. I bet there's no fucking difference. But we both said that it has this sort of generic, chip-shoppy sort of curry flavour. Oh, and someone emailed. Oh, I should look. Hang on. Vamp, do a song or something while I check an email I've got a wee pee pee pee

and it's got a shiny bead of all this no that's Rudolph the Reindeer isn't it but you're cock yeah I'm vamping man oh my wee pee me tee it's smiling up at me

and when my wee pee pee pee it does a little globular wee what does that mean a popular wee globular wee globular wee now

oh the shining gobbit winking at my dirty eye god almighty you shouldn't have asked man I shouldn't You should not have asked No you're right That was on me

I've set myself up now What So Nathaniel Nathaniel got in touch With the cheap show For our website On the subject of Irish curry sauce

Oh yeah We were talking Was it this we were talking about Yeah briefly we mentioned it We mentioned this before I thought it was a dream Nathaniel just says Our local chippy

sells Irish curry sauce and we're located in Stevenage It's even won awards as best chip shop in Hertfordshire We could go up there mate Chas Hodges It's 45 minutes on the train We could go up there one day

Let's do this Let's go do this Let's make a commitment right now to go to Stevenage and get this sauce We need to get this fucking curry sauce in our gobs, Paul.

It goes on to say, Chas Hodges used to visit. You know, Chas Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert. Chas and Dave. And the only problem is Stevenage is in close proximity to Letchworth Swimming Pool, which is about 10 miles. Yeah, so you can't go. I know, mate.

I used to go. Oh, come on. Oh, yeah I know, mate. I used to go... Oh, come on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to go up there and ride the wave, did you? Paddling pool would have to jump in a stream or something to get to me, you know?

You'd have a glance at it on the way in and say, I'm just going to stop off in Letchworth for just a few minutes. No reason. No reason. But, Paul, in all seriousness,

we definitely should go... Stevenage, we could get there for... It'll be 10 quid or something returned. If we have a little train journey out one day. Do you know what? We can pop on the fucking train down here in Seven Sisters.

Yeah. Or something. We just go down here. All right, we'll do that then. Mate, I really. We need to find out what that chip shop is fucking called and get the fucking Irish sauce on. Well, Nathaniel, if you're listening, and I presume you are because you've emailed. Doesn't he say in the thing you just read out?

God, I've closed it all down now. Well, we've got nothing else for this fucking show, do we, this week? Don't you fucking start, mate. It just says local chippy. It says Irish, located in Stevenage.

Okay, if you could... Yeah. If you could give us the top information then we might make it another out and about episode. Mate, come on. And Stevenage is proper grim.

Have you ever been there? No. It's really grim. Is it? Yeah. We could go to Letchworth I could just just pop by

just pop by you know we could go and look at Letchworth let's just say no man it's true you've put a whole new meaning of getting your dick wet

haven't you if we go up to Stevenage we might as well pop off to Letchworth no I'm not going to pop off in Letchworth mate pop on the train pop off to Letchworth

get in the wave machine pop off pop off pop off with no hands in the swimming pool, man. Weepy, peepy. Right, let's move on. Okay. Ooh, oh, ooh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. It's the price of shite tonight, baby.

It's the price of shite tonight, tonight. Oh, it's the price of shite tonight, baby. It's the price of shite tonight. Oh, it's the price of shite tonight. It's the fucking price of shite. Have you given up? I mean, just in general. Have you just given up? I wanted to do like Prince Charming. What does he go? What does he do?

What's that noise that Adam Ant used to make? Prince Charming. No. Okay, let's do it again. Do you want to just go a little bit further away from the mic? Let's do it again. Can we do it again, Paul? It sounds like the absolute fucking worst clatter.

Start the theme song again. All right. All right. Doom-da-ba-doom-da. Doom-de-da-ba-doom-ba-ba. Price is high. Doom-da-ba-doom-ba. Doom-ba-doom-ba-ba.

Price is high. Doom-ba-doom-ba-ch. The Price of Shite. The Price of Shite. Yeah, no, not worth it. Welcome to The Price of Shite, everybody. It is the part of the show where we go through charity shops and pick out some items. Do we? We don't usually. Other people do it for us.

Yeah, see, I was going to mention that. Well, we don't go through charity shops. Well, we go through charity shops and pick out items and then we play a little game where we have to guess the price of the self-save items. But recently we've had the privilege and luxury of you, the great Cheap Show listener,

sending things into our PO box, details on our website, and we have to guess them. And it's been a lot of fun we like the surprise we like you know the the variety coming from elsewhere in the world but paul we've been relying on these uh bespoke prices right for so long you think we've lost our touch i don't know what we'd be like we bought our own these days but we should well the next one we do will be a one of us so we haven't done a picasso puccaster in a while, have we? No, but you haven't got me a Christmas present

in two years. Who the fuck cares? We're going down to that, aren't we? Yeah. It's come down to this. It has. You know what's too hot in here? It's not.

I'm very hot. I'm sweaty. You're not. You're just out of shape. No. It is. It's because you're out of shape. All right, what?

Do you want to say how smelly my shit is now? Again, Paul. I mean, while we're on the subject, yes, your bowels smell like fucking guttering. Anything else you want to shame me off big overweight slopping around in my own

filth shitting smell bad pee pee hole smells bad fishy meters eh have I got a fishy moldy meters have I got a bubbly fishy rimmy moldy meters have I got a bubbly fishy rimmy mouldy meters have I got a bubbly fishy

rimmy mouldy meters right I'm going to fucking turn the heating off I'm sick of this don't shame me you've got an arsehole like everyone else

everyone else yeah you you're my arsehole you're my stinky baggy useless weeping

sore ridden shit stained toilet paper pepperpeppered, greasy, flabby, chunky, bespeckled, zit-ridden, gaping, skanky, bleeding fucking

shit-pipe man. Bleeding shit-pipe man? Oh God, I don't want to live anymore. I've had that moment. I just had that moment Paul what is your moment that perfect moment what's the purpose of this

you know doing this what is it mate we bring joy and laughter to people's lives week in week out

you know sometimes we're a ray of light on a sunshine day no we're a ray of light like every other ray of fucking light

on a sunshine day shut up right I got confused with that song am I ready to abuse this bear it's time to We're a ray of light. Like every other ray of fucking light. On a sunshine day, shut up! Right. I got confused with that song. Am I ready to abuse this bear? It's time to... Calm down. Calm down.

Alright. Let me just read this. He's quivering. Let me read this first. Alright, give me this. Give me this. Different bear today. I don't like your mood right now today.

You don't like my mood? I don't like it. What's wrong with it? Calm it. Here's the letter. Right, let me read it out. First of all, they didn't put their name on it, so it might be in the answers,

but for now it just says, Dear Cheap Show, this is my pass the parcel version of the price of shite. Five items are wrapped layer by layer in order of cheapest to most expensive. They were purchased in West London. All items range from between 25p and £2. The winner gets to keep the items they want.

Good luck. Addendum, the first two items are the same price. The last two items are the same price. So we just know that the last two items are more expensive than the first two? Yes, but the first two... But there's two pairs of prices. Yes, so it's like...

Can I just say, it's not very clear how we're meant to be and there's no this person hasn't said how the betwings are meant to be appointed or whether we're just guessing the order i think we what we let's let's let's us now agree on the betwings well i think we should go with the standard between model but no it doesn't work it doesn't work you automatically if you get you have to guess one we're only getting two prices each this game aren't we no we're going to pass it back and forth right like a pass the parcel whoever opens it gets to have first dibs on guessing the price and then the person who gets the next one whoever that

may be knows it's the same price it's very complicated we're gonna have to draw a graph or something for this explain it to me then explain the rules as we're gonna play them this game now to me i mean we still have to guess the price. Remember, when you do this, what you're about to do, explain it to me, yeah? Yeah. Remember, we have only two prices in the whole pack because there's four items.

There's five items, but there's only three prices. Read the letter again. Oh, there's three prices. When you think about it, yeah. The first two are the same price. The second two are the same price. No, the middle one is on its own. Oh, fucking, I didn't get that from the letter.

Hang on. I didn't pick up on that. So you didn't pick up on it. You were paraphrasing. Mate, I'm not paraphrasing when I'm reading the actual letter. And the actual letter says, five items are wrapped layer by layer,

cheapest to most expensive. The first two items are the same price. The last two are the same price. Inferring the middle third item has a separate price of its own. I last two are the same price. Inferring, the middle third item has a separate price of its own. I didn't pick up on that. Now,

we can either do it where it's separate, you know, it is three prices. Here we go. If it's three prices in all, then there's only

three betwings, right? Well, no. There's six betwings because if you get it on the nose... How about this for a little bit of danger? Whoever's holding

the package when the music goes off gets a Petwing just for having it when the music stops oh mate no you're now you're no that's too much these are unearned Petwings yeah but that's what makes it fun doesn't it these are empty of calories Petwings no these are like these are rogue Petwings these are Petwings that swim down what's the music what music are we going to use did you decide well I found the piece of music on YouTube which has lovely children's music. And what we're going to do is pass it back and forth. This is stupid. You can't play with two people. Yeah, but it's like pass the parcel

when you're down to the last two, which doesn't happen for at least 15 minutes usually. And it's like, you know, it's going to get violent is what I'm saying. And who... I'll just hold it. I'm just going to hold it until it fucking passes. Yes, I will. This is is stupid i hate this whole concept you can hold it for up to two seconds but then you must give it who's counting who's counting paul well it's going

to be obvious if you hold it for longer than two seconds isn't it it's going to be just obvious by nature i'm getting these feelings these so-called rogue between so you can't hold it for longer than two seconds currency these are crypto perings. These have got no fucking... It's not. It's bit-per-twing. It's got no connection to the real value of a per-twing here. These are phantom per-twings. Crypto phantom per-twings.

Anyway, I've got music. Per-twing coin. Anything else you want to rinse out of that? I think per-twing coin's the best. I think it's probably a bit... Right. So I've got a bit of music. No, but how are we

going to play this? So, start the music. I'll have the thing. I'll pass it to you. I'll play pass the parcel. Don't condescend to me. You pass it to me. I know that bit, Paul.

The music stops. Fucking treat me like a child. You're treating me like a child. You're holding a teddy bear called Honey that you've molested. Oh, he's...

He hasn't seen anything yet. Get the between envelope out and then we're going to have fucking a session. Look. he hasn't seen anything yet. Get the between envelope out and then we're going to have fucking a session. Look. Mini session. Here we go, right? I play the music,

you pass it back and forth. Yes. When the music stops, whoever's holding it. You get to fucking between is what you're saying. This is huge news. Now, whoever opens it

gets to look at the item and then they can decide whether they want to take a guess or the other person takes the guess. Right. Right. And then we move on to the next until all five are done. But then we'll know.

And then we'll get the points. Easy. You still haven't explained it. It is easy. You know the bit you still haven't explained? What? When we get to the second item, we know the second item's price

is the same as the first. But you can change your price if the second item changes your mind. All right, I'm ready. Yeah. Have you got the between envelope? Is it sealed? Ah, yes.

So the answers did come in a sealed envelope. It's got a little bit of wax on, but as per usual, we like to have a... Oh, it's sealed, nicely. Yeah, with a little

bit of wax. Now, as per usual, we like to have a guardian for the prize answers in hospital. No, the usual guardian, of course, is Poindexter. Poindexter.

Which is our little teddy who usually guards. Poindexter, the point protector. Poindexter is Poindexter. Who's our little teddy who usually guards. Poindexter the point protector. Poindexter is somewhere within Mount Groppance in the underpassages somewhere. So... Do you think he's gone exploring?

I don't know what he's doing. He's gone on time off. Or is he hiding from you? He may be hiding from me. However, there's another bear in my life, Paul,

who hasn't... who's appeared in stuff with me before, you know. Our poo episode, Winnie the Pooh. He did, and he also appeared in some of the live streams. Yeah. And I got good and horny with him then.

But. Your childhood toy. This is my childhood teddy, Honey. And he can do it. He's a teddy bear. He can protect these between. He can stand in. But.

For Poindexter, but what? Honey has. I've had Honey my betwinks. He can stand in. But. For Poindexter. But what? Honey has. I've had honey my whole life. So. He can't talk. What have you got duct tape? I'm going to duct tape him. To what?

So he doesn't fucking spew any of the secrets of my whole life. Because he's been there the whole time. So he knows a lot. The bad and the good, Paul. The bad and the good. Mate. To be honest. I don't think it's necessary to gaffer tape up the mouth of your child's teddy bear.

He fucking loves it as well. He fucking loves it. He doesn't love it. His eyes. That's the face of fear. Mate, this is turning into fucking Buffalo Bill's basement. Right. Don't you think you've told us all enough?

What's that bear going to tell us? Oh, that you shat yourself while being sick once? Or that you had a wank in a swimming pool? Oh, no. There's worse stuff than that now. Like the incident, the Christmas incident. That's not... Listen, that's out of bounds.

Because I know that and I can tell it. Unless you want to gaffer tape me up. I do want to. Now, there he is. Honey's in place. Right. He's protecting the betrings. He's doing a good job.

Let's just get this fucking thing started. I'm getting bored. How are we going to fucking pass it? I'm going to lob it to you gently. This is fucking... The water's going to go everywhere. No, we'll don fucking pass it? I'm going to lob it to you gently. This is fucking... The water's going to go everywhere. No, we'll don't pass it this way. We'll pass it that way to the couch.

This is bullshit. Ready? I'm going to start the music. I've got a video going. So here we go. Are you ready to start the lovely game of Pass the Parcel? Yes. And I'm passing it to him now.

And I throw it. One, two... You don't have to count. I'm going to win it. That's two seconds. One, two. You don't have to count. I'm interested to win it. That's two seconds. Fucking pass it. One. Oh, stop.

Eli. Eli gets a point. Fucking between you cunts. I knew these rogues would come to me. You'll love this. Right, first layer. So be careful not to tear too many layers. What's this kind of...

Who are these characters on this wrapping paper? Oh, I didn't even take a picture of that, did I? I should have done that. Take a picture quickly. Hang on, let me take a picture of the package. I'll hold it up, yeah? Yeah, that makes sense. There we go.

Job done, mate. They're little sort of... What do they look like? They look like brats. Oh, those, yeah. It's that girl's range of toys. Little tweeny, tweeny girl. The brats with the Z.

Right, so he's going into the... That's only the outer layer. I can see the next layer down is brown wrapping paper. Much more to my aesthetic. Is there anything on that layer, though, that you've got? It must be underneath this. Oh, very small item. Oh, it's a very small item.

And what is that item? Now, I get to look at this. I've already got it between. I get to look at this and see whether I want to decide on the price. Yes. Or I want you to take a guess. Yes. Because, oh, this is quite good, actually, the mechanic of this.

Isn't it? The machinations, yes. It's quite a good version. I. Because this is quite good actually, the mechanic of this. Isn't it? Machinations, yes. It's quite a good version. I'm enjoying this version. You know why? The main reason I'm enjoying it. Because you've got a point already. I've got the fucking first between! Right. This is a miniature pack of playing cards. Or would you say a pack of miniature playing cards?

A miniature pack of playing cards. You wouldn't say a pack of miniature playing cards. Or a pack of playing cards miniature. You wouldn't say that one. Mini pack of cards. It's a mini pack of cards cards you wouldn't say a pack of miniature playing cards or pack of playing cards miniature you wouldn't say that one mini pack of cards it's a mini pack of cards paul quite nice quite cute quite nice color it's funny isn't it when you get them smaller they have to be thicker the more regular size they are the less dense the pack feels but that looks quite dense because they're quite nice yeah these are quite thick are they plasticated no so they're just cardboard cardy oh they've got no Oh, okay, yeah. They've got no linoid finish, as we say. No, you need your linoid finish, don't you?

Not quite a cute little thing. I like their latest artwork. What, linoid finish? Yeah. The thing is, with miniature playing cards, what's the fucking point in them? You wouldn't want to play with those, and there's almost no situation where

normal-sized playing cards won't fit. You could get that on... It just seems to exist because why not? Rather than to have any real thing. This is a gift-aided product. Oh, nice. Glad to hear that. But you like collecting playing cards packs,

so that's something for your collection. I don't like to collect miniature ones. Oh, you don't? Well, there's a point for the future, isn't there, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls? Well, apart from the world's smallest that we got, Pseudo Sapiens. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, they were cool. They were tiny. They were micro. Nice little thing anyway Paul where do I want to do you want to have a go first

was there any more details about where they were where they were bought in Stevenage no is that near Lynchworth so that's the cheapest item

it goes layer by layer to most expensive and the range price range is between 25p and 2p oh we do so we have a ceiling and a basement as well so at least we know that is at least the is between 25p and £2. Oh, we do. So we have a ceiling and a basement as well.

So at least we know that is at least 25p. The basement is 25p. Yeah. But it's not going to be 25 exactly. Do you want to wait to the second layer before you make a choice? No, because you might get the second layer. I know. In which case you decide.

See, now there's all this. There's a lot of gameplay added to this whole mechanic. That's what I'm saying. It's hard to know without seeing the second layer whether it'd be easier to guess. Have you put a point down on your list? No, I think... Have you written down the points already that we've made? Oh, no.

You need to put your extra point down, mate. Otherwise, I'll purposely forget it. Now. So, Eli gets a point for having the Prezi. That's a bonus point for the cards. I have a pet swing this round. You're going to have a guess? Yeah.

And that guess is what? 30p. 30p. Is he from out of town, this person? It says from West London. Oh, it's not going to have a guess? Yeah. And that guess is what? 30p. 30p. Is he from out of town, this person? It says from West London. Oh, it's not going to be. But, you know, 25. I'm going to pump it then.

West London is... Go on. How much? There's a big difference in town, out town prices. We've learned that over the years to our cost. How much are you putting down? Oh, am I guessing this one? I might fucking back out now.

Because I've got a price in mind. And I don't want to say it until you've said yours now. That's not how the mechanic works. Yeah. You don't get to guess. I do. No, that's not how it works. You don't get to guess this round.

If I choose to, that's the whole fucking mechanic you just came up with. But that means I can go a whole game without being allowed to guess any items. Yes. That's fucking shit. And even if you're wrong,

you'll still get five per twings for just getting it right. But then it doesn't matter because we both will have made our guess for this first item. Yeah, but maybe I get the second one and I want to choose a different price. Can we change it?

Yes. When we get to the second layer? Yes. See, it wasn't very clear, all of this. I said this at the beginning. No, you didn't. You're two fucking locked up in Eli land and you forget, don't you?

45p. Right. I was going to say 40. Is that what you want to say? Primarily right now, yes. First item, playing cards, yeah? Yeah. Are we ready for the next round?

Your guess is how much? 40p. And what did I say? You said 45. Why can't you remember anything? I'm just going over it with you. Don't have a go, Paul. Right, just get the press.

Just because you can feel it in your loins, can't you? That my betwing burden will be... I'll be like one of those... You know, I'll be so laden with betwings at the end of this game. I'll be like one of those beetles. It disguises itself. No, you'll be so laden with betwings at the end of this game. I'll be like one of those beetles. It disguises itself. No, you'll be so laden with betwings. You'll be more like Marlon Brando

in fucking the Island of Dr. Moreau. Right. Right, there's the package. When the music starts, you have to pass it to me next, right? After two seconds. It doesn't have to be. You can hold it for a little bit shorter

just to mix it up. Ready? Here we go. The music begins now. One, two. Oh! Oi! He's here. Come on.

Yay! I got a point. Fucking bullshit. Layer two for Gannon. Now, this could be an important point. I put down the open swing. That means you get to choose who guesses first, right?

Yeah. What is it? Oh, he's making a pleased, interested sound. It is a tiny little plastic lobster that I hope doesn't have the price on. No, they've scribbled it out. They could have just removed the whole cable. It's got a little label on it. No, you don't get to look at it yet.

I want to look at the lobster, please. You didn't let me look at the cards, did you? So hold your horses. Right. It's a little plastic lobster. Nothing too fancy about it. It's about, I don't know know from nose to tail about four inches something like that it's got little dangly bits it's a little plastic lobster you've seen them all before

um not too remarkable price no i don't know i'm gonna say are you having a guess first well yeah i'm gonna go with the guest this based on that and that you mean remember you're changing the price of your of the first one as a result, yes. Because they were both the same price. Yeah. Yeah. So you want to change your price? No, I'm going to stick with 40.

Stick with 40. Because we're still playing by between rules where, you know, 5p or whatever it is, 10p either way. What do we say? 25p either way,

you would get a between. So you'd automatically get two betwings. Well, if you get it spot on. One betwing for being out of side. No, you'd score four per twings. Have you put a point down for my win

just then? Yes. In the per twing column. Yeah. Don't throw that lobster at my dick. I'll chuck a lobster at you anytime you want.

Watch out, the lobsters aren't going to go straight in my dick. It's quite anatomically correct, the backside. I was going to say dry humping water,

but can you dry hump water? No, of course you can't. Unless it's dry water from that book we did. Interesting. You put some zinc stearate or something in it. Around your cock end. Yeah. And you can dip it in the water and keep your cock dry.

I'll do that. Get me in a harness, put some water with zinc stearate in it. What, and dunk you in like... And a chunky, chunky dunker. Like a chunky cup of tea. Like a spoffy cup of tea. No, why does it have to be a cup of tea, you pervert? Like a teabag dunking you in like a teabag.

Just a plain water with zinc stearate powder on it. Dunk the old nads. Dry, dry nabbing. Dry teabagging. You have the crazed look in your eye. I did not like. I love my little lobster. He swims round my knob.

If you win it. Up and down he goes. It's a whole ecosystem in there. Do you want to pick a price? Do I want to pick a price on the lobster? Do you want to stick with your price or do you want to change it? It's going to be at

least 50p. I'm going to go up. You're going to change it? I'll go up to 50p. So we'll change your prices to 50p then. I'm going to stay with 40p. Right? Okay. You ready for the next layer? Layer number three. No cheating this time, Paul. You guys can't see this, but he was hanging on to it. Yeah, but here's the problem. The reason why you're saying that is because people can't see it.

Hey, how about we instead of passing it to each other like we have been, how about you just fucking bend over, shove it up your ass and press stop on this recording? Oh, getting angry? Yeah. Don't get angry. I will. Just because I'm hustling.

I'm grinding. Shut up. Here we go. We're going to do the next music. Here we go. Oh, it's gone a bit hard. Oh, it's getting funky,

this music. Yeah. This is like, sharp. Ow, my hands hurt. Boom! Oh,

I guess it is yours because it was in the video when the music stopped. Yeah, fair play. So a point for Eli. Can I just, can I keep the score?

Because you seem to be all over the place. I am not all over. Shut your dirty, lying, cheating mouth. I don't trust you. Shut your chunk hole, Bobo. That's not ending up on a t-shirt, is it? Well, you never know.

Come on. Give me a point. I get a point. Are you trying it? I can hustle too, daddy-o. I've scored a point I can hustle too daddy-o I've scored a point right so this is the third item

which has a price of its own you know it's the only unique price item on this and the third layer of paper

is another kiddie thing it's Paw Patrol Paw Patrol if you want to know what that looks like you know what fucking dogs look like

with hats on yeah that's what fucking dogs look like with hats on. Yeah. That's what it is, a dog with hats. Dogs that have public service. You can turn it over and open it up a bit without the sellotape. Just do it that way. You don't really need to. I'm trying to get the whole sound in.

I know, I know. There's no item. Isn't there? There must be. No, you were wrong about the whole. Well, it says every layer has a different thing. Are you sure? Yeah.

Have a look. There's nothing in there. I know. I just want to have a little look at it stuck on some tape. Unless that's the layer. Oh, this hasn't been. All right. Well, I tell you what.

You get a between, but let's carry on moving it back and forth. No, because look. These are falling out already. All right. What's this? Is this one item or two? One. What is that? It's a pad of butter notepad. It's this? Is this one item or two? One. What is that?

It's a pad of butter notepad. It's a novelty notepad. Oh, it's the pad. Oh, God. There is a UK

price on the back of this. I presume it's the whole thing has fallen apart. I mean, literally, literally falling apart. Because there's no

item and there's just this priced item. What was the original price of that out of interest? £7.99. Are you fucking joking me?

It's a piece of post-it note block of paper wrapped in faux butter wrapping. Yes. On a cardboard plate? On a cardboard base. Oh, dear. Ranger, what was our top, our ceiling price? Fiverr? Two.

Two. £2. This is a quid. You think it's a quid? Yeah. Terrible. 480 sheets. Yeah, but what?

The secret ingredient of brilliance is butter. Slather it on all your ideas. It's a terrible novelty item. Is that a reference I don't get? Is that a quote from Shakespeare? Well. That what? Secret ingredients of brilliance is butter. It must be a novelty item sold in dairy museums is what I can come up with.

Designed by Kristen Hewitt. It's a terrible chintzy piece of crap. It's got quite a nice chunkiness to it. It's got a nice chunkiness to it. The design of the butter wrapper is quite sort of pleasing in a way. But it seems to exist of the concept rather than it being practical. Yeah, it's terrible. It's a terrible waste of resources. There's so many

of these items. How much do you want to say that is? At least it's been resold. At least it's been resold. I was going to say a qu waste of resources. There's so many of these items. How much do you want to say that is? At least it's been resold. At least it's been resold. See, I was going to say a quid as well, but... Well, you can say a quid as well if you want, but you won't gain any betweens if it's something else. I'm going to go crazy just to put some danger into this game and say 150 for that.

So we had cards, lobster, and then the pack, which we hope is the third, because there are apparently two more on the left. Well, if there isn't, then we just guess what the third one is. Yeah, we've got to go with what we've got. Okay, you ready to keep playing? Yeah, ready? The music is beginning.

Ready? It's gone reggae now. Is this different music now? Go on. It's gone reggae? Yeah. Why has it gone all weird? This isn't the same tune.

No, it mixes it up for variety, doesn't it? Here you go. Oh, fuck's sake! Another point for Eli. Woo! Baby! Three betwings, we haven't even guessed it yet, we haven't even seen the answers yet!

How you doing, honey? Mmm! Shut up! I don't like this honey doesn't doesn't speak honey only sees okay so that's the most haunting thing i've seen that teddy bear gaffer tape around the mouth i'll take it staring at me now paul i think i'm gonna have to take two layers off because there's nothing in this layer that was the butter pad was what was in this layer if you see what I mean

yeah so should I open this layer I mean you're gonna have to I guess we're hoping this isn't the last layer but it doesn't matter really does

it we need another item it's the joy of discovery isn't it we need another item this layer is brown wrapping paper yeah brown wrapping paper nice nice

texture tears nicely okay sorry getting in here um but uh just for people listening, don't send any more of these pasta parcel ones in. I've decided I just don't like it right now. Yeah, exactly. Because I'm not winning. Oh, there's nothing on this layer either. Really? It says

five. Unless that's the fifth one. Yeah, that's the fifth. We're down an item. Oh, mate, just open that. Just open it. Wow. This is a framed dairy milk hero. What? Exactly what I said to you.

This is a framed dairy milk miniature chocolate bar, like a mini... Are they called heroes? In a selection box? Yeah. Like a mini dairy milk chocolate? Yeah. And it says in biro around it,

yummy, yummy in my tummy. That's what it says. Can I have a look at that? Now, that is a thing. What is the fucking point of that? That is utterly useless. Can I just say, this is the shittiest price of shite. Don't have a go.

This poor person is... No, this is the point, though, isn't it? It's not called the price of nice. It is the price of shite. And look, this is the biggest load of shit we've seen in a long while. I'm trying to... And there's...

In fact, there's only fucking four items. One, two, three, four. Where's the fifth item? It's mentioned explicitly in the letter. It might be in the answers,

you know. It might reveal itself in the answers. They might have forgotten to put a layer in. I hope there's some kind of twist. So someone just took

a little bit of plastic or something, wrapped a dairy milk chocolate wrapper around it, put it in a frame, and then put the words yummy, yummy in my tummy. I mean, the frame is the most sort of, it's the best thing about that. You could take the chocolate out and put...

And put something in there. I could put Keith in there. You could put Keith. Yeah. Or I could crush Keith into a powder and put him in there. Or I could take Cheggers, little Chegwin. Put little Cheggers in. Little Prince Cheguino. Yeah. Little Princey boy Cheguino powder and put him in there. Or I could take Cheggers, little Chegwin. Put little Cheggers in. Little Prince Cheguino.

Yeah. Little Princey boy Cheguino could rattle around in there. You could see him with his big tooth and his masticated, dirty body. I'm just trying to think, though, what was the genesis of this? Was it someone who thought, oh, for a laugh, I'm going to give this to my girlfriend. I'll make it for her birthday. Something like that. They break up years later.

She's clearing out. In a way, it's quite a nice thing because it's a personalised novelty gift, isn't it? It might mean something to someone. Or it's the worst kind of arts and crafty self-etsy. I mean, it's not. I think it's definitely a personal gift that was like an in-joke between the two people

that the gift was exchanged between. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to say 180 for that. What do you say? You shouldn't have guessed first. I don't care. I've lost all fucking interest, mate. That's not the rules. You guessed fucking first. The rules have been confounding.

The items have been lacking. You lost so much. You've lost. Unless you have a blinder. I got a between then, luckily. Where the fuck are the items? That's it. The butter, the cards, the lobster, and the frame.

There should be five, Paul. I know. Oh! Pity you can't score a between for this. I'm going to get a bonus between for your error right now. No, you're not. You are. You're going to have to agree to it because you fucked it up.

Which item is this? Number four, this must be. It must be the centre item because it's the one in the middle. So this must be the last item. I mean, there's not much to say. It's a wine glass type egg cup. No, it's not. It looks like a wine glass, but cup no it's not it looks like a wine glass but for an egg aperitif glass it's for like a sherry like no not even that like for a little schnapps yeah or something something alcoholic isn't it schnapps do you like schnapps i've got got the power. It's my favourite song of theirs. I've lost the will to carry on.

Schnapp probably did, because they were all from the continent, weren't they? So they probably did say schnapp. We're schnapp. We're schnapps. Yes, we are schnapps. Yes, we are schnapps. Schnapp!

Are you schnapp? Yes. We schnapp! Schnapp! Right, and what did you think that is then? I like a glass of schnapps. Right. Well, then I don't think that frame? Like a glass of schnips. Right. Well, then I don't think

that frame is the same price as that cup. It must be. I haven't even guessed the frame yet. Well, just carry on then. Hurry up. We have to sort this shit out, Paul.

We have to sort this out now. What was your guess for the... What? I was going to say... No, this is the same price as the pad because we think this is the fourth.

That frame is definitely the fifth. Right, so that means one of those two items is the same as the cup, though, because is the fourth that frame is definitely the fifth right so that means one of those two items is the same as the cup though because the last two items are the same so what are the last two items

the frame and the cup I think these two are the same price yeah but that was on level three yeah but push it to four and we put this in three nowhere in the letters

does it say there would be blank layers which totally threw us off I think this layer was just in there that must have been the centre layer though it's a free floating layer

that's what I'm saying this is the center layer so this schnips glass yes is the is the same price as the no it's a standalone it's not the middle one's the standalone because it goes from cheapest to most expensive so it should be this is the middle one no the middle one is the center of the pack doesn't mean it's the third item it's the fifth and therefore the most expensive no the fifth is the centre of the pack. It doesn't mean it's the third item. It's the fifth, and therefore the most expensive. No, the fifth is the most... No. This has been the very worst price of shite I've ever...

You are getting it wrong now. Read the letter again. The first two items are the same, and the last two. Yes. And this was the middle. This is the third item. Because it was the centre of the... It was the core of the price of the parcel. No is the third item. It's not the middle because it was the centre of the present. It was the core of the price of

the parcel. No, it wasn't. It fell out when I did that layer when I did the third layer. This fell out. Remember I said there's no third layer.

That is the centre. You have fucked this. You've fucked this. Stop fighting me. I'm the one who held it. I've got all the rope between. If it wasn't for your trotter fingered

fucking uselessness we'd have opened those packages up better. This fell out. This was badly packed. But this, believe me when I say, this is all on you. Just let me sort it out.

This is all on you. I'm going to have to do fucking Honey's eyes. He shouldn't be watching us even argue like this. I don't want him to be sullied. I'm turning, he's facing the sofa. You've ruined the points system. You've ruined my enthusiasm. You've ruined everything.

This is a dark day. This is a dark day. This is a dark day in cheap show history. I know it is. I know it is. And you are the sole cause of it all. Don't try and have a go at me. I'm going to sort this out.

There's no Poindexter. You've got an S&M Teddy instead. Poindexter's very S&M, mate. Poindexter likes punishment. Me and Poindexter fucking... Mate, I don't care. I don't want to know. At this point, we are 35 minutes. I don't want to know. At this point,

we are 35 minutes in and I just want the answers. Poindexter just wanted some time alone. He's been hiking in the Mount Groppans foothills. Yeah, he's been

following the trails. In fact, he's going to go stay with Teen Yeti. Teen Yeti puts him up. Meters trails. Teen Yeti treats him very nicely, apparently. I've seen the photos.

Very nicely. Shut up. Mate, have you got a price for the cup? No, I'm going to have you got a price now this is the unique price that's all we need from you i need a price for the the last item you said 180 in that case both the pad and the frame i want to say 150 right which means the cup is a quid i want to say the cup is a quid right does that make sense frame so is a quid. Right? Does that make sense? So, 240p's, a pound, and then two £1.50's are my guesses,

right? I also said a pound. I'm going to stick with you for the pound, but I don't know. And you said £1.50 for the last two, yeah?

Yeah. So, the butter pad and the dairy milk. I'm going to go up to £1.75. Nice. Fair enough. So,

give me the answers. There are two reasons. One, I'm fucked off of all of this, and two, I need to off of all of this. And two, I need to piss because I've done nothing but drink coffee all day. Go and have a piss. No, I'm in the middle. I'm in the middle of this.

Have a piss before we reveal the answers. No, I'm having this. Give me the answers. I'm opening this. No, you're not. You've been in charge of the fucking... I'm not having this. It's the dark day.

You'll give me this and I will take the teddy... Don't take him. You'll break him. You'll break his head. You'll see this. And I will take the teddy. Don't take him. You'll break him. You'll break his head. You'll break his face. Honest. You'll break. He's a vintage teddy.

You're free. Don't throw him out the window, you bastard. Don't. He's doing a blanket. He's doing a Michael Jackson with blanket. On my teddy. Fucking hell. Are you okay, honey?

This is a dark day in Cheap Show history. This whole segment is all fucking nadir. Well, it's not... Have you done your answers? Yes, we've done the answers. I'm breaking the seal.

I've kept my end up of this bargain. I tell you what, I hope the person who sent this in hasn't put their fucking name on this. Oh, I fucking tell you.

Come on. You better remain anonymous. This has been... Listen, don't... Listen. They you. Come on. You'd better remain anonymous. This has been... Listen, don't... Listen. They tried. They tried. They did very well.

It was because of technical mishap. A technical mishap happened with the unwrapping, that's all. Clothing malfunction. Well, it was because we were chucking it about. It wasn't designed to be chucked about. It was designed to be passed. That's why it's called Pass the Parcel. Not chuck violently the parcel back and forth.

I didn't chuck it violently. Across a Parcel. I didn't chuck it violently. Across a fucking table. I didn't chuck it violently. You fucking did, and that's why the full vitamin tossed out. Yeah, fuck off. It spun out. Don't fucking blame it on me. The full vitamin fell down.

Because of your behooven fucking meat slabs of hands. Well, obviously not big enough, because Porky Broth's fingers can fit right in Madam Flatmagash's hole. Here are the answers. Ready? Ah! Here are the answers. I will be giving the petwings as they fall down the fucking chute. All right?

Let's just say, before we go into the answers, Eli's in the lead with three petwing to Paul Gannett's one petwing. Before we get into the answers... You cannot now go back on rope per twings. No. You cannot. Those are real. All I'm going to say right now is Eli's won this today

and I've lost interest. I've just literally, you have no idea. Have I won? Yeah, you've won. Why? Let's go through these items one at a time. Right, cards. Was I right about that being the middle item?

The third item? The glass. Yeah. I was. Yeah. So we didn't need that argument did we paul here's the answers cards 50p playing cards of 50p right we right i said 40 you said 45 you get two betwings you get two betwings no yeah you get two betwings and you get two betwings yeah i was

closer but we were both within 45 yeah next item is the glass two betwings for you and two betwings for me yeah yeah so in the first two items we both scored Two Petwings for you and two Petwings for me, yeah? Yeah. So in the first two items, we both scored three Petwings. Yeah, but you've also got the bonus points. Well, you know, we're neck and neck after the first two items, Paul. Right. So the glass, how much did you say the glass was?

We both said a quid. It was 59p. So nothing for us there, but you get the bonus Petwing. Oh, no. No one gets the bonus Petwing for that because it was an error. No, I get the bonus Petwing. How can you get the bonus between oh no no one gets the bonus between for that because it was an error no I get the bonus between how can you get the

bonus between because the music stopped the music stopped I knew you were trying to do this I knew you were trying to raise

the between no one should get a between for that because it was lost until the end of the fucking thing that between was one fair and fucking

square by rules that you came up with for the parcel and then the last two items you tore through I will not I will not be removing the. I will not be removing the between. There's no point in giving bonus betweens. That between will remain

no matter what action you take. That between. I got a betwing on that round. No, because there's no point getting a betwing to anyone. I got a betwing on the third time you did the music. That's all it relates to.

The third time the music. I got the rogue betwing that you instigated and I fucking got it. What was the pad? No bonus betwing fucking got it. What was the pad? No bonus between for that item. What was the pad? Bonus between stands.

So for the pad and for the chocolate shrine, which is what it's called. You said £1.50 and I went for £1.75. And the answer is £1.99p. So you don't get any betwings and I get two betwings there.

You don't. 20p either way, isn't it? 25p either way, Paul. Fuck this. Shut up! That's been like that forever! Don't you... I get two petwings.

Stop throwing stuff around. Fuck this. And fuck you. So my final... Your final petwing count, Paul, including the rogue petwings... This has been an utter shit show. You've scored three petwings.

Do you want your petwings? No, I don't want them. Do you want me you've scored three petwings do you want your petwings no I don't want them do you want me to give you the petwings I abstain from this game I'm backing out

you can't no you can't I've decided I'm abstaining from this game my petwings still stand I'm out I still get the

petwings no this whole game has been invalidated this is my best score in ages and I'm not going to let you ruin it for me it's all going to be

invalidated this is my best between all of all time it's all invalidated mate I'm sorry the whole game has been thrown out no it has not been for me. It's all going to be invalidated. This is my best between all of all time. It's all invalidated, mate. I'm sorry. It's not invalidated. The whole game's been thrown out.

No, it has not been. This has been an absolute. It has not been invalidated. I score one, two, three, four, five, six, seven petwings. Nan, they're all invalid. And I want you to give it to me. Give me my petwings. You'll never get them from me.

Just say petwings seven times. I'm abstaining from this. I'm backing out. In that case, I will have to appoint my own petwings. No. I will have to give my. Hello, Eli. No. I will have to give my... Hello, Eli. I will interrupt them.

Yes, hello, Eli. Would you like your Petwings now? Yes, I would, because I won them fucking fair and square by Paul's fucking own admission. Okay then, Eli. Would you like a little bit

of fucking meters play as well? Yeah. Later, Eli. Later. We'll get down to that later. Thank you. If you just give me the Petwings now.

Okay, Eli, here they are. Petwings. Oh, mate, I'm sorry. I deleted all the audio. Oh, mate, I deleted the audio. I'm sorry. I didn't pick up those petwings. I must have accidentally edited them out in the post-production. I don't care. So you didn't get any petwings?

I'll just say them again. Petwing. Just edited that out as well. Petwing. I've just lost the footage to that. That's it. The rest of the show. That's just going to be the rest of the show.

The rest of the show is just me saying between. This is over. This podcast is over. What's that person's name on the... You know what? I choose not to mention their name for protection so they're not hounded by our community online. Forced into hiding.

There was no problem. There was just a technical error, which you're letting blow up into something. This whole thing has been a nightmare. No, it wasn't. Between the shoddy presentation, the poor point system, the sloppy way you unwrap things,

so things fell out of order. Mate, this has been a disgusting show. This has been a terrible moment in cheap show history I've enjoyed it honey's had a great time loves being gagged didn't you

yes I'm thinking of even I'm going to put this whole episode on ice this is going to get put in the vault well we'll have to do another one

we haven't got time I've got to play open face Chinese poker in Walthamstow oh in that case yeah you won fuck it thank you

I genuinely hated that bye everyone and that's all we've got time for Yeah. Thank you. I genuinely hated that. Bye, everyone. And that's all we've got time for on this week's episode of Cheap Show. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you for listening. And, of course, thank you for supporting. If you do indeed support us on Patreon, and if you're just thinking about maybe doing so,

go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but please only if you can. Thanks very much, guys. And there are years and years of extra podcasts and videos and magazines and all sorts. Lots of lovely things. Oh, Honey's probably on one of those because it's one of the Twitch streams where I abuse the back end of Honey. If you want to see Teddy abuse, please become a patron. It's not abuse, it's consensual.

Can we just get that clear? It's consensual. It really is. Is it? Yes, because teddy bears aren't real, Paul. So, you know know there's that inanimate objects can either consent

or not consent they don't that kind of thought process will get you cancelled mate will it yeah teddies

have no feelings it's gonna be people up and down the country saying my teddy's got feelings Paul before you do the rest of the

housework can I just ask am I gonna re-gift all of these items you know when I won yeah you can keep them if you want well you don't want you haven't got your eye on any no not really of the housework. Can I just ask, am I going to re-gift all of these items? You know, when I won. Yeah, you can keep them if you want.

Well, you don't want, you haven't got your eye on any of those. No, not really. They are pretty shitty this week. I mean, to be fair, the best shit we've had

in a while because they are genuinely useless shit. But, you know, we usually do say what our favourite item was. So, Paul, if I could just, you've calmed down a bit. I would probably go

with the pack of cards because it's got practical use. And I'd probably go with the pack of cards because it's got practical use and I'd probably go with the pad of butter notepad because it's I don't know aesthetically

there's something about it that I kind of like things that are one thing it's better form than function isn't it I don't like the cardboard base if it'd come on a little plate or something

that might have been nice just by itself the actual thing by itself looks better yeah even by itself might have been better just taking out the terrible cardboard

gifty base thing. But yeah, that's my favourite item, Paul. Thanks. Get on with the house. But hey, maybe you want to send something to the price of shite, or maybe you want to put something in on one of our mystery bin bag episodes of the future, or a platter,

or you just want to send something in you find interesting. Please do. Our P.O. Box is Cheap Show. P.O. Box 1309 Harrow HA19QJ. All the information is on the metadata for this podcast

in your podcast app or it's on our website thecheapshow.co.uk We're on Twitter. I'm at PaulGannonShow. The podcast is at thecheapshowpod and Eli is...

Eli Snoid and you spell that E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D Instagram, Facebook we're there as well. Look for Cheap Show or Cheap Show Pod. But that's it.

In a nutshell, that's another episode and oh, God, hang on. Just go for a piss, Paul, now. It's all over for another week for you. That's what do me belt. I don't want to criticise, but you've got a bit bad tempered in the last

sort of 15 minutes. It really soured your mood. It's because me weepy peepee's gone off. The peepee needs to weepy. I need to shake my weepy peepee. Your pee off. Yeah, the pee-pee needs to weepie. I need to shake my weepy pee-pee. Your pee-pee needs to weepy pee-pee. Weepy pee-pee. You need to do a pee-pee out of your weepy. I think that's it.

Oh, it's been an emotional episode and I'm tired. So tired. Well, get some rest and we'll see you next week. See you next week. Bye-bye. Thanks, everybody. Bye-bye. bye