CheapShow - Ep 271: Mutton Mouth

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

After the meltdown of last week’s episode, Eli still harbours a grudge and wants his damned 7 p’twings. Paul, however, has no interest in giving them, and worse, he seems to not want to play ball all episode. To make things much worse, there are men at work outside the House of Sausage & Mash and it’s causing quite the distraction. Luckily, there are lots of snacks to eat and records to listen to, which should keep both the cheap chaps busy. When it comes to potato crisps, Paul and Eli may have found something actually quite nice to nosh on, which makes a very nice change. When it comes to Silverman’s Platter, a daft novelty record sends them on a deep dive into conspiracy thinking, assassinations and the world’s most famous screen. Sadly, it’s derailed by Paul’s irrational hatred of Cilla Black and the reveal of his “mutton mouth”, whatever THAT is! Join us! See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-271-mutton-mouth And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

And now it's time for a brand new episode of Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast with me, your host, Paul Gannon. Joining me this week is my favourite friend in the whole wide world, why his name is Eli Silverman. Hello everybody, I'm Eli Silverman. Yeah, Paul, just before we get into the main subject. Let's get straight into the show right now with another oof episode. Oof, oof episode. Let's do an oof, oof, oof, oof, oof episode. Right, I'm up for that, Paul. For all the mistakes that were made last week, I want to do an oof episode. Let's do an oof, oof, oof, oof, oof episode. Right. I'm up for that, Paul. For all the mistakes that were made last week, I want to do an oof episode. I just wanted to bring that up.

I just wanted to bring that up, the mistakes from last week. We don't need to. We can move on. Paul. No, this needs to be said. It's the elephant in the room. I'm a Paul Gannon man. I need to address this.

I'm a Paul Gannon man. You are the Paul Gannon man, but I need to address this. I've had a lot of communications from a lot of fans, a lot of listeners. Just name one or'm a Paul Gannon man. You are the Paul Gannon man, but I need to address this. I've had a lot of communications from a lot of fans, a lot of listeners. Like who? Just name one or two. John Smith is the man.

Oh, the most generic name you could pull from the fucking air as possible. Claire Rutledge. Claire Smith. There was a Claire Rutledge. Amanda Pye. Who else?

John Dot. No, why would they be called Dot? Bob Slap. Why would they be called Slap? Why would they be called generic names? Come on. Those are... You're such an idiot Why would they be called more generic names? Come on. Those are, you're such an idiot, man. You just tried to come up with...

Alexander Grabambalon. You tried to think of a fucking generic name. You said John Dot. Yeah, John Dot is a piss. That's not a generic name. Eric Slap, you said. That's like the opposite of a generic name. Cynthia Piss.

No, that's, P. It's not a fucking... I'll tell you, the people with the surname, great surname of piss in this country. Stop trying to distract me, right? People have been in touch. You didn't voice the between some last week. And you're not getting it. And that is a fucking...

What? You are never getting... I'll go even further, mate. You want shock? You want shock? I'm never giving you a between again. Well, I don't know if we can carry on. You're talking about the end of the podcast now.

The voicing of the betwings was the one solidity. The betwings will be replaced with a pop pop. A pop pop. Yeah. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Also, if you get it on the nose, pop pop. If you get it just 25p either way, a pop. Are you refusing to voice the betwings? I am refusing to voice the betw pop, pop. If you get it to 25p either way, a pop. Are you refusing to

voice the betwings from last week? I am refusing to voice the betwings. The seven betwings. Yes. The seven missing betwings. You ain't got a thing because you're not getting a betwing. Also, Paul. Also, Paul. Also, I have a very special person here,

Honey, and are you going to apologise for the abuse that you've meted out? I didn't do anything to... The abuse that you forced me to do in the vain hope that I would get up a twing, you made me

degrade myself and my childhood teddy bear. That includes all the cum on it. Did I make you cum on your teddies? There is no cum on honey. I've had a few people getting in touch with me.

And saying what? I should wank off over honey? Oh, no, fine. Move on. No. What are they saying? They want me to see me... come on honey I've had a few people getting in touch with me and saying what I should wank off over honey oh no fine move on no what are they saying they want me to see me people are very concerned

about the bears you have in your possession that you treat poorly that was you and abusefully abusefully

abusively Paul are you refusing to give me the betwinks or apologise to honey I didn't do anything to honey if anything I am rescuing honey and you will not voice those betwinks there are people Honey. I didn't do anything to Honey. If anything, I am rescuing Honey.

And you will not voice those betwings. There are people saying to me, I should rescue Honey from this house and point Dexter and take them to some kind of place of safety. A safety place. Right? Are you refusing to voice the betwings?

Are you refusing to turn those teddies over to a place... Compromise. All right, Paul, compromise. I have a compromise. Yeah. If you will not voice the betwings, will you allow me

about a minute's mouth improvisation on the theme, on the theme of the words Chodney and or Boroff. And Boroff, not and or. You get both. You have 30 seconds to give me a Chodney-Boroff symphony

starting now. Oh, Chod to give me a Chodney Baroff symphony starting now. Oh, Chodders. Oh, Chodders. Oh, where am I? Oh, Chodders. I've said it before, but I will say it again. I'm glad you find this amusing. Chod, Chod, Smarad.

Modney knee. Thank fuck I edit this before it goes out because that's all going in the bin. Welcome to Chief Show, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome in. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Chief Show

you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Cheap Show. It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle I don't see why I should continue here

His name is Eli. He has a teddy. And when he's all alone at night, he covers it in something delightful. It is creamy. It comes from his tummers. It comes from his tummers? When he rubs his little peg,

it will dribble down his leg. His seepy goo comes out. His teddy rubs him off. And then he sits in with Poindexter and he comes in his socks. He is Eli, Eli Silverman. He's full of Chodney Boroffstan.

He's a minke. I've lost all interest in my own improvisation. It's painful. I'm sorry. I'll stop right now. Good. And you know, this is what happens.

You do lose interest when you forsake tradition. When you forsake the built up tradition and the practices of the podcast, Paul, which is voicing the betwings. I've realised. Which is voicing the betwings. I should edit more. Fuck your edit. I can edit.

The thing is, I can now say anything I want and just edit it out. It doesn't really matter. Edit that out. Oh, God. Don't. Don't. You're abusive, man.

I'm just getting sick of you. Fucking hell. I don't spunk on teddies. You do. For one thing. I'm going to bring a blacklight next week. Fine. All my spunk is very much cleaned up, along with my whole junk, You do. For one thing. I'm going to bring a blacklight next week. Fine.

All my spunk is very much cleaned up, along with my whole junk, which I wash daily, sometimes twice, in lots of soap and nice hot soap and water. Yeah, you wash it a lot, don't you? What have we got now? You like to keep it clean. What have we got coming up on the show today? Today on Cheap Show, we are going back to the platters

where we'll be looking for some very interesting novelty records of note. also eli wants to get some crisps out the way so he'll be tackling those as well what an exciting time now before we do go on bit of shop work um shop work shop work housekeeping housekeeping housekeeping shop work well you got like you got the shop in the garage yeah shop you're doing some metal work in the yeah you just you just fantasize about being an odd job man don't you yeah you do you know what you'd rather be someone who just restores old clocks or tables and stuff yeah you know what i mean why don't you just fucking give it up bring on a fucking other host who will voice the betwings that are missing and won't and won't fucking abuse my teddy bears accusing me of it do your do your own abuse. You're gaslighting me about spanking on Honey.

I know. You'll notice I've got my two fingers in Honey's holes. I mean, ear holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here we go. Yeah, I know, it's weird. So Honey doesn't hear your abuse. Honey knows, and Poindexter knows, I'm the only safe space that they're allowed with.

He was a Chodney, a Chodney Borough. He was a Teddy, and now he's covered in Eli's gooey dirty sap. That came out of dirty lap. That's what I wanted to fucking bring up. What? Out of his Thomas, you said. You just said, I spunked out of my Thomas. Yeah.

Do you still believe that the spunk comes from the Thomas, not the balls? Yes. It doesn't come out your Thomas. Cum comes from the tummy. It does not come from the tummy. Your balls are for wee wee And your tummy is for cum

That's where the balls Is where the wee wee is Yeah Oh mate You should get your fucking You should know science A bit more Fuck off

It's anyway It's lemonade And round the corner Chocolate's made But where is the milk Out of the tits Titty titty Milky time

Titty milky time Clap clap Is it milk Milk lemonade Round the corner Chocolate's made Put your finger in the hole Pull it You got a tootsie roll Titty, titty, milky time. Titty, milky time. Clap, clap. Is it milk, milk, lemonade? Around the corner, chocolate made. Put your finger in the hole, pull it. You got a Tootsie Roll, whatever they call it. The Americans add that, don't they?

Stick your finger up the hole. Where did you hear that? Out it comes, a Tootsie Roll. We're breaking through here. Out comes a Tootsie Roll. Out of what? My dick. Your bummer.

Wait, you don't have a dick behind you. Sometimes I do. Sometimes you do. I love my moustache. Milk, milk. Lemonade round the front. Yeah, round the corner. Chocolate's made.

Put your finger in the hole. Out comes a Tootsie Roll. Have you ever pulled a Tootsie Roll out of your arse? No. What would be the British version? Finger of fudge? Maybe. Out comes a finger of fudge.

Doesn't rhyme though. Because what else will come out? A picnic bar? Lion bar? A grifter? Oh, I've had a few grifters right on the back of me.

Right. We don't half have some fun on this show, don't we, Mr Silverman? No, wait. Seriously, before we get into that, I've got this out with the live show.

I'm currently in talks for the live show and if all goes seriously, before we get into that, I've got this housework. You have to do some housekeeping. Sorry, yes. I'm currently in talks for the live show and if all goes well, we'll confirm it properly. But right now, it's looking like it's going to be in August, middle of August.

And we've planned the show out roughly. We think it's going to be a lot of fun. But if you want to come see us live in London, it's going to be August. As soon as we confirm

the information, we'll put it out everywhere. We're not going to confirm the date at this point. Not right now, just in case it changes between now and the next recording session. But it will be August. But it will be August. As soon as we confirm the information we'll put it out everywhere. We're not going to confirm the date at this point? Not right now. Just in case it changes between now and the next recording session. But it will be August. And what I will say is if you are a Patreon

supporter, you'll get a discount on the tickets and you'll also get early access by about a week before they go on sale nationally. Working it all out now, but that's the plan. And it'll be in Harrow Rock Centre. I'm likely it's going to really sell out the whole venue. Mate, we don't know, do we? Alright, fine. Anything else? No, I think that's the plan and it'll be in Harrow Arts Centre how likely is it going to really sell out the whole venue mate we don't know do we alright fine

anything else no I think that's it yeah live show in August it'll be in London Harrow Arts Centre same as Digitizer little question Paul

yeah so you won't be voicing any portrayals not even the seven maybe I'll save them for the live show now well when they'll have an impact

I mean I deserve them you don't you don't deserve anything by and large what I don have an impact. I mean, I deserve them. You don't. You don't deserve anything, by and large. What, I don't deserve to live? I just deserve... I didn't say that. I didn't say anything.

To live is one of the things that's included in anything, isn't it? You're telling me I don't deserve to live! No, that's everything. Anything and everything is completely different.

No, it's not. You don't have to have anything, but you can't also have everything. I don't deserve anything. No, you don't deserve anything. You can have everything, but you don't deserve anything you can't get yourself out of this i can you want me to die you actually want me to die you just want to shame my bum hole god shame my wee hole and i want me to die you just want me to come in here fucking fart on accident by accident

shit you can i would do what you to die now thanks so anyway you don't deserve anything or will you get anything therefore you're having nothing i don't want you to die i love you i'll tell you what paul thanks for adding that fuck me uh i would like to see you like choke for a little bit until you go purple just see and then you know like i'll be in that moment where do i save his life or do i just watch him blink out and i'll just stare over you and you're looking up go make a decision and i'll be like tick tock tick tock like steven seagal when he got shat himself did he oh no yeah he got choked out by the martial arts guy on a film set

yeah and then he shat his pants in front of everyone there's another great story i have seen that. There was another great story I heard about Steven Seagal as well where he was making, I can't remember the details of who said it, but it was on some thread, and someone was saying he doesn't like being told what to do and he doesn't like rehearsing scenes, right? Of course he doesn't. He's the latest cunt. Someone said, we had to change the angles because this door goes out

into the middle of the sea, because they're on a boat or something. Continuity. Yeah, and this door's where you'll come in. Yeah. And they're explaining it to him and he goes, I don't give a fuck. I don't care. I'll just go.

So they said action. He walked. He went out and opened the door and went straight into the sea because he didn't rehearse. What a cunt he is. What a cunt. A couple of quite interesting

crisp flavours here for the emergency. Oh, you know what? Let's just do this as a different segment. Fucking hell, mate. I've been building this up. You haven't.

You just lent over and grabbed the packet of crisps. I've been building this up. You haven't. You just lent over and grabbed the packet of crisps. I've been rustling them and scruffling them all around. Well, then build it up now and then we'll take a break and then we'll come back to the crisps later.

Crisps after the break, everyone. No, do it better than that. No betwings. No fucking betwings, are there? From now on, I don't say betwings. I say pop pops. That is fucking shit

and you're going to get feedback on that from the whole of our listening audience. Yeah, both of them will get in touch with me and say i don't like pop pop and i'll say don't worry it's a podcast it'll probably be betwings next week it's just something we're doing well i hope you do drop this attitude about fucking betwings and voice the missing betwings no i'm not going to mention those ever again those are lost to the void they're not lost you know what's going to happen if i'm behind the next time we play Price of Shite, I'm just going to sprinkle those two extra petwingtons.

You can't add petwingtons. Oh, yes, I will. They don't carry over. I will unfurl my golden fucking wingeth and out will drop all fresh and dew-like the petwingeth.

A plonk, a plonk. Petwing, petwing. No, pop, pop. And they'll get me and they'll push me over. Pop, pop. When they come out the wing gland,

that's when they pop pop out. Yeah, they pop pop out. Can we agree on that? Now we're working. Pops and betwings. Crisps after the break, everyone. Oh, fuck crisps. Blake, stop trying to avoid crisps.

It's the emergency crisp insert coming after the break. Crisps. A couple of very interesting crisp flavours for you on the Emergency Crisp Insert segment of the show today, Paul. Oh, what a... Come on! Now, someone sent us these. These are good.

These have unusual flavours. I can't remember who sent these. Now, I apologise. My gut feeling says it's Yvonne, but I know a few boxes came on the same day, and when I was doing all, you know, separating it all up, these crisps got lost in the fog.

And from our black bin bag. They got lost in some fog. Because I think they were part of the black bin bag originally. Was it arse fog? Did you guff so hard that it obscured the crisps? Was there a fine mist? Was there a brown mist of your arse? Oh, fucking...

Just thinking of you choking out. Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. Now, that makes sense because these are... It looks like some kind of Germanic language. Right. You see, it says... It looks like German to me.

Yes, it could be. I don't know. Right, we've got two different flavours. These are Lorenz, which I think could be the world's second biggest crisp brand after... I don't know anything about Lorenz. Shall I look it up on my phone of info? Interesting things. Please do, yeah.

They're big. And I think they're competitors of... Lay's. Lay's, yeah. Lorenz, you say, the crisp... Lorenz. Okay, so it's an Austrian zoologist. He was born in...

No, no, no. He got the 1973 Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine. Don't start this shit. Look up crisps. Okay. So Conrad Lorenz, he's the founding father of the field of ethology, the study of animal behaviour. Fucking...

Could you stop reading that now? Sorry, I'll read the other one. Lorenz. Born out of Bologna, Italy, in London, Lorenz Clothing is a new menswear brand offering bold and heavy... I'm sorry, Bologna, Italy, in London? What are you is a new menswear brand offering bold and heavy... I'm sorry, Bologna, Italy in London? What are you on about?

That's what it says here on the internet. Can you just look up Lorenz, the food manufacturers, please? Lorenz from Fire Emblem for the Three Houses is a playable character

in the Fire Emblem games. I'm going to fucking... I'm going to do... The birthday's June 13th. I'm going to do one. All right, I've found it, Lorenz Snacks. Attention, this is new.

We continue to write our story. Find out more about what we're doing. Our brand, do you want to know about their values? No, I've found it, Lorenz Snacks. Attention, this is new. We continue to write our story, find out more about what we're doing. Our brand, do you want to know about their values? No, I don't want to. I want to know the history of the company. Go to the Wikipedia page. Our company.

No, don't. What they say. It's a family business. Love, passion, love, a whole lot of fun. What is it a fucking family business? It's a huge international company. In Germany and our international locations, we proudly look back over 130 years of experience.

Okay, there you go. Can you look them up on Wikipedia, please, and not their own website, which is going to be full of lies. I'm completely schilling. Schilling? Schilling? What's the word? Schilling. Schilling.

Schilling for them. Schilling. Today, we are one of the leading producers of the European snack market. Instead of resting on our laurels, we are keen to find answers to the questions of our age. Wait, you just make crisps. I think they make other foods as well. Oh, do you want to just take your phone call? I am actually muting it because I was... Oh, God.

Someone's beeping. Lorenz Wiki, alright? I'll look up that for you. Yeah, fuck me. That's strange. Nothing. He's a founding father of the field of ethology, the study of animal behaviour. So, no one is laughing at that. No one is laughing at that. Wait, Lorenz Snacks wikis. Here we go.

See how big they are. Now we're talking. How big they are compared to Lay's or whatever. So, they're now called Lorenz Snack World. German food company. Snack World. It's our world of snacks. Based in New Eisenberg. Founded in 1999. That can't be right if it says it's 130 fucking years

old. Why is someone fucking hammering a post in? Why is someone just kicking bottles around outside? No, they're hammering a post in. There's actually literally nothing on their Wikipedia. Okay, whatever.

Let's taste these crisps. Hang on. It says they were founded in 1999, which I don't quite understand. No, it would have been... Company history. The company is based in the Herman Balson hierarchy,

founded in 1889. What the fuck's going on outside? Who's hitting bottles? No, they're not hitting bottles. Why are you such an idiot? It sounds like someone's hitting a glass bottle. Just because it sounds like it doesn't mean... Think logically, man. Anyway, in 1935, Herman Balsen's son, Klaus, introduced Slotsletten as the first German pretzel stick brand. Ah, pret 1935, Hermann Balson's son, Klaus, introduced Schlotzletten as

the first German pretzel stick brand. Ah, pretzels, yeah. In order to strengthen the diversity for savoury snacks parallel to confectionery, the group acquired Flessner KG, which I presume is another company, and they made potato chips at a factory. Ah, so they bought a potato chip factory, basically. That had been

founded in 1951, initially. See, crisps have come later than pretzels, don't they? Since 1959. When were crisps invented? I think they were invented here, weren't they? They went through that a few episodes ago. Shall we taste these fucking crisps now?

Yeah, look, the history is they've changed their logo, they still make crisps, and effectively they're the same company, effectively, since 1889. They're a big crisp manufacturer, and I'm going to go mad. And it's a family business. Apparently the person who runs it has been running it as part of the same family for four generations.

Right, so they never sold, they never went public or whatever. Oh, they make pom sticks. Ah. Do they make pom bears as well? Yeah, I bet they make pom bears. They're big. They're big on the continent, man, in terms of snacking. We've got two flavours of Lorenz here.

Yeah. Lorenz Snack World Crisps. Sales volumes, 528 million euros per year. Compared to Lay's, I'm sure Lay's is bigger than that. Lay's is world-wide. Management. Holger Rothfuchs. Oh, mate, can you stop doing the research now, please? It's really doing

my head in. Yeah. And you know what else is doing my head in? The fucking guy banging bottles outside. Anyway, so Lorenz is recognised as one of the founding fathers of ethology, the study of animal behaviour. I find it very amusing.

I'll show you some animal behaviour when I web-sling right onto your gobble. Thwip? Two flavours. They're in a range called Naturals.

You'd think Spider-Man would do the thwop first before the thwip. Well, you've got to thwop before you thwip. Before you thwip. Drip Drop Daddy. Drip Drop Daddy.

He's coming to town. He's coming into town. I kind of like the idea of Drip Drop Daddy being the coolest character we've ever had. We've ever had. But we can't talk about him.

He's too cool. He's too cool. You don't talk about Drip Drop Daddy. That's the first rule of Drip Drop Daddy. You don't talk about Drip Drop Daddy.

What's the second rule of Drip Drop Daddy? You clean up after Drip Drop Daddy. Right don't talk about Drip Drop Daddy. What's the second rule of Drip Drop Daddy? You clean up after Drip Drop Daddy. Right. These are in a range called Naturals. Oh, Naturals. Naturals, which is like, they're trying to sell it on a natural flavour, I guess.

Yes. But they have a whole different crisp flavour... Profile? Hierarchy on the continent, don't they? They don't have... It's a very British thing. They're sort of the prawn cocktail, salt and vinegar. Are even ready salted more of a british thing than elsewhere they are because because if you remember the etymology of that term ready salted is that the crisps that

you're buying have already been salted in the process they used to used to get the packets of blue salt or not at all yeah which i quite like those those uh low salt ones yeah they're quite they have a nice flavor i don't have a nice potatoe flavor it comes through more than the Or not at all. Yeah, which I quite like those low salt ones. Yeah. They're quite nice. They have a nice flavour. They have a nice potato-y flavour. It comes through more than the salt. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

I do. Now, these are in the Naturals range, and these are two flavours. I've seen balsamic, because I think kettle chips do a balsamic. They do, and I really like them. You love those. I was going to say, you know what he likes to do, everyone? This is a little peek into Paul's world. Peek behind the meat curtain.

everyone, this is a little peek into Paul's world. Peek behind the meat curtain. Paul likes to put the kettle chip balsamic vinegar and sea salt flavour in his mouth and he sort of sucks it. Just suck it a bit. And get all the flavour off until it goes a bit mushy. It's not the usual way. People don't usually eat crisps

as if they were full of sweets. No, but you know why I eat them like that? Why? Because Drip Drop Daddy told me to eat them like that. And if Drip Drop Daddy does it, I do it. The drip-drop daddy legend here. Drip-drop daddy. Right. These are naturals.

We've got rosemary. Here he comes. Drip-drop daddy. Oh, fucking hell. Why is someone hammering I know what this ends now. What is it? Who is it?

It's a fucking highway maintenance when they get a manhole up. Oh, fuck's sake. When it's chipping at the road. Why is he doing it there? What the fuck is going on? He's put a little traffic cone down to the bar.

Oh, what a fuck. He can't get the manhole up with a normal crowbar. So he's chipping at it with a hammer and a chisel. Could you just get the fucking manhole up, mate? He can't get it up. So I shout at him to get it up. No, don't shout at him. Come on.

Don't shout at him, Paul. Get it up. Paul, don't shout at him. I live here. He's going to tell the council. What, that a manly man? And they'll take honey away. They'll take honey away.

God, there should be social services coming in to look after honey. Listen, stop procrastinating. We have to taste these crisps. They'll take honey away. God, there should be social services coming in to look after honey. Listen, stop procrastinating. We have to taste these crisps. He's doing it again. He's put his big crowbar in and it's not coming up. I don't know if he knows how to work a manhole. He's just, just look at him.

He can't get any purchase. Go round the other side. Oh, his mate's come in now. Oh, God. And his mate's just looking at him. And they're not happy. They can't get a wedging. Right. Oh, he's And his mates just look at him. And they're not happy. They can't get a wedge in. Right.

Oh, he's giving up. Paul. And he's sucking him off. He's not sucking him off. Oh, he's got a big fucking mallet out now. Look. Mate, listen. Oh, my God.

That's really loud. He's literally just malleting the ground. Let's taste these crisps. Come on. The noise of our mouths will drown it out. Let's taste these crisps. Come on, the noise of our mouths will drown it out. Let's taste these crisps. I've got a good mind

to go down there and say, you're ruining my podcast. I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. The first of these Lorenz Snack World Naturals range crisps we'll be tasting.

This fucking show week by week is coming further off the rails. It's the balsamico flavour, which is, I think, balsamic vinegar. Yeah. And there's a picture

of some balsamic vinegar all thick and nice. Like a big pot of gravy and it's vinegar there. Now, what are your views? I know you like the balsamic flavoured kettle chips. What are your views on balsamic vinegar as an actual food product? I like it. I like to have it. Like that whiny

sweet vinegar. Do you know what I like it on? Do you ever get like an avocado and you chop it in half? Put it in there. And then you dribble a bit on and then some salt. Yeah, lovely. You just scoop it out. Nice.

I love avocados as well. Yes. At the right moment. But balsamic vinegar... They are the pair of vegetables, aren't they? It is expensive, but it's not prohibitively expensive.

And it was... Wasn't it one of those foods like hummus was that was sort of all... Oh, posh. All the yuppies eat it back in the day, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But isn't it funny how all those foods that were likemus was, that was sort of all, oh, posh, all the yuppies eat it. Yeah. Back in the day, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But isn't it funny how all those foods that were like, oh, you snob, you ponce, you're eating like hummus, you ponce, now has become completely standard. It's the way it will. Over the course of our lifetime. It's in the same way as, I don't know, like pasta, weirdly. That's how backward we were with food here.

Pasta was exotic. Yeah. It's so strange. I remember how excited my mum was to one day make spaghetti bolognese for the family. That's funny, isn't it? That's so funny. Anyway, balsamic is one of those things that used to be sort of, ooh, balsamic. But now it's just so everyday.

I like it. And it is a wine-based vinegar, basically, isn't it? Yeah. Sweet, very sweet. It's very nice, winey. It's winey. It's thick and it's dark. And you can make a nice little salad dressing with it if you pour a little bit of olive oil in

and a little bit of balsamic and you mix it up, put some salt and pepper in. Simple. Drizzle it over. Basic. Tasty. You know what would be nice?

You just crush a garlic. Yeah. Ooh, I could crush a garlic. I'm going to try and get a huff corner off this. Right, he's doing his huff corner now. I don't think I can. I'm just going to give it an open, but I'm going to try not to let

any of the precious, precious huff air out on the first... Bring on the huff. He's piping the huff into his nose. Coordinating it into my nose. You bagpiping the huff. Quite a nice smell. It's quite woody, strangely.

May I snuff? Looking a lot of vinegar, yeah. Now, have a huff on those. Just for clarification, the first smell is the huff. When it comes to me, a second hand, it's a snuff. So I am now snuffing stop trying to nomenclature this new year we're nearly 300 episodes old i'm trying to mix things up with new terminology edgy new buzzwords for the hip generation coming to us pop pop pop pop drip drop

daddy snuff it's all coming out tonight you know it's weird this you're right it is more woody it feels more why is that woody smell i sort of i wonder if it's weird. You're right, it is more woody. It feels more... Why does that woody smell? I wonder if it's the potato. Yeah. I smell a lot of potato. It's a bit of balsamic, but I think that's what...

Are you going to taste some of this? It's not as tart as the kettle chip one. Absolutely not. I think this is what I'm interested in. Your comparison with these with the kettle ones. See what you think of these. And they're normal looking. They're not stained with the balsamic or anything.

Here we go. Yeah, they're not as heavy with the flavour as the kettle chip ones, but I think I might prefer that. That's quite nice, aren't they? Because you get the kind of sweet tang of the balsamic up front. It melts away and leaves a really nice satisfying potatoey aftertaste. Yeah, and almost like a... Buttery.

There's a new marmory. Yeah. Isn't there? A sort of mouthfeel. They're nice, aren't they? They're not like salt and vinegar crisps at all, are they?

No. They're much sort of sweeter and more savoury or something, whatever you want to call it. Yeah, more umami. They're nice. Those are nice.

I will give that a B on the nose. Yeah. Those are good. Those are better than I thought they would be. Much better. Now, rosemary.

I was expecting them to be quite, not rancid, but you know, like still very, very heavy. Yeah, I thought they would be. Much better. Now, rosemary. I was expecting them to be quite, not rancid, but, you know, like, still very, very heavy. Yeah, I thought they could easily just not work. Yeah. But they're good. Good. I mean, Lorenz, good company.

The second and final crisp we'll be tasting today, Paul, is the rosemary flavoured in the Naturals range. Green packet. I found my frill. On rosemary hill. On rosemary Lorenz's crisps. What are your thoughts on rosemary? frill. On Rosemary Hill. On Rosemary Lorenza's crisps. Ba-bum, bum, ba-bum. What are your thoughts on rosemary?

You have it with a roast lamb? I don't like eating lamb. And the only reason is because I can't get over the image in my head of a poor, lovely little lamb. It's genuinely that simple. It makes me deeply sad to eat lamb. We all need to cut down on red meat and stuff, Paul. We want to save the planet. Fine.

But if you eat a lamb that's over a year old, it's called mutton? The smell of rosemary affects you. It's called mutton? Old lamb is mutton, yeah. Yeah. Do you like that? You never get mutton-flavoured crisps, do you?

No. Because it sounds disgusting. Mutton's quite gamey. Mutton smacks. It's quite a sort of strong flavour mutton, isn't it? I don't know. It works on certain things. I don't know.

Again, it's just one of those weird words, isn't it? Mutton. The word itself implies the smell and flavour. It's sort of fatty, smelly, lamby, muttony. It's like, oh, I went out with a guy last night and his cock smelt of mutton. You just feel like, ugh. Well, you got to first base then with him.

I mean, you got that down to business. How did you know his cock smelled of mutton? Was there a smell of mutton? And he was like, sorry, that's my cock. No, it was like he opened his pants from across the room and this kind of green wavy haze came out and I was like, mmm, mutton. And I floated across.

Okay. Rosemary. So any other thoughts on the flavour of rosemary? I like her music. Irish singer, isn't it? Rosemary. Fuck your mum. Go on.

Which part of my family would you like me to insert myself into? Mama? Papa? Or pop pop? Pop pop. Or big drip drop daddy? No, your drip drop daddy.

Now, he wouldn't be seen there. He's too cool. You know, there's this burger place. I can't remember what they're called but their whole gimmick with their chips is their rosemary chips.

And I had them and I was like... It's like the whole Five Guys thing. Have you had rosemary chips? We ate the best chips and it's like, no, I don't know. They're not rosemary chips. And I had them and I was like... It's like the whole Five Guys thing. Have you had rosemary chips? We ate the best chips and... It's like, no, I don't know. They're not the best chips.

Five Guys chips are crap. I will always take a chippy over Five Guys. Yeah. Well, you know what? I mean, well, say it quietly, but I'd have a fucking quart pound of cheese from McDonald's over a Five Guys. It's half the price and it's just as good, basically.

Anyway, fuck Five Guys. I wish I could, but I don't have the strength oh pop pop you know what you do have the strength for the passive strength just to take five guys

all standing around you and coming in your mouth you could do that I mean I guess how's your jaw I'd like to be on a rotating how's your jaw I'd like to be on like

a lazy Susan a lazy Susan yeah oh rotating round oh oh oh I'd like to be on a rotating... As you draw. I'd like to be on like a lazy Susan or something. I'm going rotating round. God, why? Why? Shut up with the pop pops.

That's not sticking. Are you ready for these rosemary crisps? Weepy, peepy, pop, pop. Would you like to do the smell? Yes. You can have the huff and I'll have the snuff on this, okay? Huff and the snuff. That has stuck somehow. I'm jostling the... Jostle the air. Jostle the huff air around with the crisps.

I'm sure this will be fine, but let's find out what flavour we're going to get. I don't like rosemary. I think it might be quite, almost floral. Is it? Yeah. It smells alright. it smells quite sweet yeah Eli's taking the snuff oh there's quite a strong

rosemary smell there yeah no it's definitely rosemary it's unmistakably but it's also kind of sweet and flowery the reason I make that point is if you smelt those

balsamic ones and you didn't know they were balsamic you might not be able to tell what the flavour was oh you see what I mean? but this I be able to tell that's what the flavour was oh you see what I mean but this

I could just go and that's the smell of rosemary with this alright well here we go I'm eating them now they're alright but I don't know if I could polish a bag off

I think I could polish off the balsamic a lot quicker I think I prefer the balsamic but that's still quite nice no it's nice it's quite nice rounded dare I say they have amplitude

they have the amplitude. Do you know what? They're both lovely crisps. Very kind of homely flavours. Very good, really, aren't they? Comfy, cosy flavours. Easily. I might give that a C+, as opposed to the B.

But that's just me. I would go back to the original. Out of five markings, I would give the balsamic four and those 3.5 fair enough a nice rosemary and that is our

crisp section done with insert emergency crisp insertion I think a lovely selection not too avant-garde not too extreme I mean unusual

yeah I've never seen anything like that on the British market as much as I like the kettle chip balsamic vinegar snacks if that and that were side to side on a I like the kettle chip balsamic vinegar snacks,

if that and that were side to side on a shelf at the same price, I'd probably go with the Lorenz. Really? I think it's more satisfying. You get a lot of Lorenz

around here. They also do Ridge, the whole range of Ridge paprika delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Ridge keep the flavour in, don't they?

The point I'm trying to make is they are a worthy competitor to Lay's, aren't they? They're as good as Lay's crisps, I'd say. Well, the thing is, most crisps out there are better I would say than Lay's or Walker's stuff Walker has the the benefit of the size of the brand but I would say if you looked around you could find all kind of exciting crisp flavors you know what was shit recently from Lay's was

their whole Kentucky Fried Chicken their KFC which I don't think gave me any KFC flavours. It was that terrible roast chicken flavour, which is basically just salt flavour, isn't it? It's bullshit. Salt and spice. Can you stop hammering the fucking road, these cunts out there? Get out of hand this, mate.

Right, two lovely snacks. Thank you for sending them in. It's nice to have a more measured snack episode rather than these hottest, extremest, fieriest, most blue flavoured crisp or whatever, you know? Mate, I told you about when I ate that whole packet of Tacky's.

Tacky's blue heat. I was stuck in Crouch End. I had to go and see, I had to buy coffee I didn't want in Crouch End. In Costa in Crouch End. Oh dear. And then I had a moment when I thought, is it hospital time? Is it call the doctor time? Because my shit is fucking fluorescent and it might be something wrong with me.

And I had to piece it. Did your poo come off? Looking like Marge Simpson's hair. Basically, yes. Greener. Oh. But, you know, virulently blue and green.

And I thought, oh, hang on. Oh, I fucking laid a bit of a toxic avenger there. No, I thought, am I dying or something? Right. Because it was a very urgent

need to shit as well. Yeah. Not only was it blue, but there was a proper pressure like, this is going to come out wherever I am, so I better get in a cubicle,

you know? Yeah. And then I had to do detective work. I was like, oh, get the internal... Where was I on the night of the 15th?

Get the internal looking glass out and look over, forensically look over what I'd eaten. And then I came across the blue. Oh, yeah, I ate all those Smurfs last night. Exactly.

Yeah, well, next time you do a poo and it comes out in a slightly different colour, before you call your doctor, check your tackies in the bin. Yeah, check if you've eaten a whole bag of fucking exotically coloured tackies. Yeah, because they will give you shit anxiety for a good couple of minutes. It was very spongy, like a souffle.

It wasn't just watery. It was like a big, green, fluorescent souffle. It was an aquamarine. So it was more Swamp Thing than Kurt with the Frog, is basically what you're saying. Right. Hang on one second. All right.

I'm sorry. Eli's gone from the room. Come here, honey. Come hide with me in my bag and I shall rescue you. Yeah, in here. Get in. Get in the bag and I shall rescue you yeah in here get in get in the bag get in the bag honey

you're coming with me what nothing nothing Eli don't worry about it okay fine ready then yeah no good to go mate

so it is time for platters welcome to the section of the show we like to call Silverman's Platters with me Eli Silverman

and Paul Gannon he helps out as well I help out with this segment this is where we look at novelty records thanks for having me on your show that's fine welcome to the segment yes

make yourself at home now on this segment of the show we look at no don't I can smell your mutton close the fly no I'm getting

you said make myself at, I'm getting... You said, make myself at home and take me pants off. He really is as well, everyone. I just had a little shot of his fucking...

You know what? That does feel better. That'll take me belt off. You know what? Your belly looks like one of those fake hairy bellies that people... Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

It looks like a fake hairy belly. Yeah. You've got a weird semalcrum belly. Semalcrum? Yeah. What does that mean?

Well, look it up, mate. No, don't actually look? Yeah. What does that mean? Well, look it up, mate. No, don't actually look it up. What does it mean then? I think it's some kind of zoologist who started the field. So you don't know what it means?

I know what a Samalcrum is a simulation. Right, I'm finding it out. Oh, it's giving me a bunch of clothes. Now, this is Silverman's Platters and the patron saint

of Imperial Samalcrum is the official term for the events that took place when Jaegar Thorn Now, this is Silverman's Platters and the patron saint of... Imperial Simulcrum is the official term for the events that took place when Jaegar Tharn took the Imperial Crown on the Uriel Septim, an Elder Scroll. Yeah, it's an old term. No, it's Elder Scrolls, you prick. Stop trying to catch me out. You're using words that you don't know the meaning of.

I know what a Simulcrum is. Yeah? Yes. Well, I have a Simulacrum of interest. Simulacrum is like a simulated reality. So my tummy is almost fake. That's what I'm saying. It's like a sort of fake version.

It's a version of reality that becomes almost realer than the actual real thing, because it's a simulacrum. It's that type of thing. It's also used by the postmodern philosopher, Baudrillard, which is referenced by the Matrix film, Simulacrum. What's also used by the post-modern philosopher, Baldrallard, with reference to, which is referenced by the Matrix film, Sir Malcolm. What's his name? Baldrallard. Baldrallard. Baldrallard.

I can't, I was trying to do something funny with that, and I have failed. But the important thing about comedy is to try, isn't it? Before you try, you might strike gold. You're always very trying. Thank you. Now, the patron saint of this, the patron saint of this the patron saint of this segment

yeah is Clyde McFatter yeah Clyde McFatter can't be with us or communicate with us directly in any way no

but this is where I pull the fucking rug on you and everyone else those people hammering there who are trying to get the manhole cover up they have been employed

by me and McFatter Mr McFatter and they have been typing out his message in Morse code with the hammer on the thing. Oh, so it's a bit Morse code. It's in code, yes. How clever.

And do you want to know what he says? Yeah. All right, let me just... Okay. I'm Clyde McFatter. Welcome to this segment. That's all he said. Oh, is that going to carry on going

then that message outside the message has ended now they're just getting to work doing the manhole cover so it's just convenient that while they're here that's what they do

they're imparting meaning they do secret this company highway maintenance and secret coded messages but the frustrating thing is when they edit this no one's going to be able

to fucking hear that outside really yeah pop pop who tortured a torture? who tortured the torture? that's Adam Ant

who's watching The Watchers oh there was a film with Adam Ant in did you see that? oh yeah yeah it's good isn't it

when he goes out do you know what the weird thing is after we recorded that episode talking about Adam Ant I went home there was a video

on YouTube about a horror film starring Adam Ant, yeah. And he came in for one day or whatever and he was Dr. Diablo or something. I am the devil.

That looks fucking poor. I have a soft spot for Charles Band stuff though. Oh, is it Charles Band? It's part of that whole, I don't know if it was Empire Pictures or if it was a bit later

when it was like Full Moon or whatever it was called. But yeah, I kind of like what they do. Yeah, the effects look decent, didn't they? For the money.

Some of the stuff they did was great. It just looked like a shitty script and he didn't look very good in it, Adam Ant. Like, he's not an actor, is he? No. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Wait, what's that song that goes, Oh! Oh! Oh! That's Lena Lovitch. Have you covered that on the show? Magic Number.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Cheggers plays pop. Aruga. Aruga. Did he used to say that? No, because it was the buzzers, wasn't it? It was something like that, wasn't it? Now, we're not doing any Adamant or Cheggers plays pop records today.

I am Adamant. We're not going to do any Adamant. To torture, to torture. Right. Now. Oh, Chegg has played pop records today. I am adamant. We are not going to do any adamant. Who tortured a torture? Right. Now. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of. Pop pop. Stop saying that.

It's not even original. I don't care about original. Do you know what that's like? We've done 270 episodes of unoriginal shit. I've just realised where you nicked that from. What? Community. Why? Remember that where you nicked that from. What? Community. Why?

Remember that guy? He says pop pop. Does he say pop pop? Yes. No. You're going to have to take it out. No, I'm not going to take it out. You're so uncreative.

The skids stay in the picture. You are so uncreative. You can't even think of a fucking word made up. Like, bar off. Like, all these words I've coined. He does. He says pop pop. Yeah, he does, doesn't he?

Oh, fuck off. Yeah. Petwing stands. Petwing is original. Petwing is mine. And the wingeth will be receiving. There is no one else saying petwingeth. The seven, the seven rogue petwingeth will come home to roost in my petwingeth wingeth. And you better beliveth.

God. Come on. We've got two records today on Silverman's Platters. Just,atters Just One more time Pop pop Bye bye pop pop It was nice Bye bye pop pop You fucking idiot man

Bye bye pop pop You're so unoriginal Anyway Thank God for drip drop daddy No Drip drop daddy Now that's good Yeah

He's got legs He's too cool for this podcast He's got legs That's what makes it drip Because if you didn't have legs It would just be Snail trail daddy Snail trail daddy That's the That's his That's got legs. That's what makes it drip because if you didn't have legs it would just be Snail Trail Daddy. Snail Trail Daddy.

That's his, that's his, like the bad guy. Dot Daddy is the superhero and his arch nemesis is Snail Trail Daddy. I thought we weren't doing a silly one this week.

I don't give a fuck. No, you don't give a fuck. Let's record and we hope to God we get through it. Right. Let's get through it then, shall we?

Let's do a song. What do you mean? Do the first platter. Yeah, we're doing the first platter. Seven minutes haven't even started yet. Fuck me. Now, the first platter is Great Men Repeat Themselves by a gentleman named Ben Calder.

Now, the reason why you wanted to bring this up is because it's got a very interesting connection to movie history. So before we get to it, let's just play the song without telling anyone what it's about and just give them the first minute of it, alright? You've all heard it said that history repeats itself. Did you know that great men repeat themselves also? I repeat myself a lot, repeat myself a lot, repeat myself a lot.

Do you think it's a coincidence that the name Lyndon contains six letters? That the name Batman contains six letters also? At Batman's side

stands the boy Wonder, Robin. At Lyndon's side stands the boy Wonder, Robin. At Linden's side stands the wonder boy, Hubie. And the names Robin and Hubie each contain five letters. The names Gotham City and Washington each contain ten letters. and Washington each contain 10 letters. The names Mr. Robert S. McNamara and Commissioner Gordon both contain 18 letters, and that's a bunch of them. Their names Riddler...

Now, if you're paying attention... First of all, it's a spoof, right? Yes. Bye, everyone! No, it's a spoof of a very particular song called History Repeats Itself. Yeah. Which was a hit, which was one of these, I don't know, one of these spoken word country sort of tunes,

which was big at the time, like you said. But I don't think that genre exists in any form anymore. No. So if we start with the beginning, the original song, right? History Repeats Itself was a song released by a guy called Buddy Starcher. And I'm just going to look on Wikipedia

now to find a bit more about him. I reckon he's just some country guy. He is. He just has some country boy. Yeah. First released songs in 1946. His big hit, funnily enough, was History Repeats Itself.

Of course it is, yeah. Which is kind of, I think, an anomaly compared to the stuff he would usually put out. It's all spoken word. He's just talking over a backing track, which is attuned to the Battle Hymn of the Republic. Yeah, which is one of those very recognizable. Or America the Beautiful. Yeah.

So Wikipedia says it best. So he's best known for the spoken word recording entitled History Repeats Itself. The track recounts the uncanny similarities between the assassination of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, accompanied with that backing track. It got to number 39 in the U.S. Billboard charts. recounts the uncanny similarities between the assassination of abraham lincoln and john f kennedy accompanied with that backing track it released it got to number 39 in the uf billboard charts which is a reasonably big hit i guess yeah on the billboard for then because that's they sold a lot of records starch also recorded a part two for that song because there were so many similarities between the assassinations that he couldn't get it into one song i mean it is quite striking how

many coincidences there are there's a lot of funny coincidences between Lincoln and Kennedy. Yeah, so it lists them here. A few of the noted similarities shared by both presidents include being elected in years ending in 60, both concerned with civil rights issues, both first ladies lost a child while in the White House, both presidents were shot in the back of the head on a Friday in the presence of their wives,

their assassins were born in the years ending 39 and both espousing radical ideologies. Yeah, I mean... The successors were both southern senators named Johnson, both born in the year 08. Several of these similarities are false. For example, Booth was born in 38 while Lee Oswald was born in 1939.

Yeah, they were just making shit up. And also, a lot of those so-called coincidences are... Like, if you have someone who's assassinating a president, they're always going to be radical. Aren't they? Well, that's why you kill a president. Yeah, because you've been radicalised

in some way or other. No one laid back after the kills of presidents. You know what I mean? Oh, what happened today, love? Oh, I just went down and killed a president. I got up,

got the milk. It was kind of out of character for me. A bit out of character for you, darling, because you were talking yesterday. Yeah, I don't know. Gam was there, just fucking shot a president. I just thought it was something to do, inn, because you were talking yesterday. Yeah, I don't know. Gamma's there, just fucking shot a president. I just thought it was

something to do, innit? It was fucking hard because he's in America as well. So I got on a plane and I went over and I went, whoop! That's how it happened.

Hey, do you know who covered History Repeats Itself? Who? Interesting. Oh, I know. Do you? I do know.

And it was released at the same time and charted at the same time as well. Oh, it's the original. Now, I was going to say that... Because it debuted in the charts a week later. Which is interesting because... Johnny Cash?

No. Cab Calloway. Cab Calloway. Wow. Interesting choice. I don't know why he decided to do that. He must have done a sort of more jazzy version of it. Maybe, but it seems a kind of odd thing to cover.

A spoken word thing? It is strange. And you know what's also quite interesting about it is that a lot of people are into sort of high strangeness and weird coincidences in general and sort of conspiracy theory stuff. Yeah. Often cite this as like a clue to sort of, you know,

the Illuminati conducting everything from behind. Which is weird that it was sort of in the consciousness already, kind of coincidence. And then you had the 60s happen obviously and then that oh and all the acid stuff and then it all gets all weird well that's because the 50s and 60s were the birth of the modern conspiracy because conspiracy just spends a few people who knew each other knew about a plan yeah you know what i mean so like for instance you could say like bank robbers or conspirators but conspiracy theory was born basically. Largely off the back of JFK.

Yes. Because the common theory is because of that and the MKUltra thing that was just around the corner from being, you know, known around the world and, you know, all that stuff. It put distrust in the government. And so therefore people started looking for signs and signals into things they couldn't get the answers to. And you roll over to 9-11 and it's the same thing because there is no definitive answer about why that happened and what happened people will go well there it must be a conspiracy yes but all of these sort of coincidences this has always been the weakest argument from these conspiracy people it's always the most sort of wacko edge who go like oh you know like you know beyonce has an eye on her hand or something you

know like oh yeah the hand gesture means that they're part of the skull and bones it's really too much into it and it's like if people were trying to conduct the world's history

from behind why would they engineer it so JFK got killed exactly by some guy who'd born on the same year it'd be like you know hey hey

have you heard there's this guy who wants to he wants to kill he wants to kill Lincoln really when was his when was his birthday yeah well they will make sure that guy who wants to kill Lincoln. Really? When was his birthday? Yeah.

Well, they will make sure that they know how to kill JFK and what age that guy could be born in. So you want to kill JFK, do you? Yes, I'd love to serve your conspiracy group. I'd love that. Well, what's your name? Right, there's 13 letters in that. Oh, no, too many letters.

You can change your name. Can you change your name to just Lee Oswald? Yeah. Is that all right? But History Repeat Itself, the song, isn't trying to make that point, is it? It's trying to just say... Well, what is the point of the song?

Think about it. It's just trying to say history repeats itself. But that's basically not true. Yeah. Because history... That's not history repeating itself. That's a coincidence between sort of the length of people's names in history.

That's not really repeating itself, is it? I mean, it did. I mean, the president got assassinated, I guess. That's not really repeating itself, is it? I mean, it did. I mean, the president got assassinated, I guess. But then why, for example, was there never a song that tries to tie in whoever shot Reagan

with another conspirator? I think there are coincidences linking him as well with those, obviously. Yeah, but if you look for them, you will find them. That's what I mean. If there is a dearth of information,

anyone can add anything they fucking like. It's pattern recognition, isn't it? It's pure pattern recognition. It's why Bible code exists, those kind of books. Yeah, it's just such bold bullshit. This is a strange but true story which proves that history does repeat itself. And the events depicted here happen just 100 years apart.

Both President Lincoln and President Kennedy were concerned with the issue of civil rights. Lincoln was elected in 1860. Kennedy was elected in 1960, 100 years apart. Both were shot from behind in the head. Their successors, both named Johnson, were Southern Democrats with seats in the Senate. Andrew Johnson was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson was born in 1908, 100 years apart. John Wilkes Booth, the man that shot Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, the man that shot Kennedy, was born in 1939, 100 years apart. Booth and Oswald were southerners,

favouring unpopular ideas. Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before going to trial. And it's kind of an absurd thing, which is obviously why Ben Calder decided to do a sort of parody of it, because it's absurd and stupid. And he has a sort of...

Ben Calder was a comedy performer. Well, it was interesting. Act Ben Calder. He was an actor. He was famous initially for... He was struggling getting roles, so he decided to get a career in singing. And his first hit was 58 with the Purple People Eater.

Now, that was a big hit, novelty hit, wasn't it? That falls in line with the whole itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow-book-a-dot-bikini kind of pop hits of the 50 50s sort of verging on bubble gum verging on sort of uh novelty well it's kind of like novelty but legit because the era allows for it yeah an actual song rather than just a a parody or or you know what i find interesting though about ben colder is that it lists his career as an actor the westerns he he did, that song. He was in westerns and stuff. Didn't he have a sort of

comic persona which is on that record which is a drunkard? Yeah, he did release novelty and comedy singles. Apparently there were two in the UK he had hits with called Luke the Spook

which was a hit and then My Only Treasure. It doesn't really say. There's no links. That's the thing about this. There's very little to go on outside of a few bits and bobs.

But it doesn't say much about having he was on hee haw and wrote the theme song for that show as well yeah which was kind of like a kind of redneck ronan marty's laughing okay yeah you know it's that kind of vibe i guess he kind of made a name for himself in terms of being a novelty cowboy singer yeah it's quite a clever uh sort of parody this greatselves. So basically, in his version of the song, he compers like Batman. It's all Batman and Robin. I like all those sort of, they're very kind of topical references, pop cultural references in it, Batman and...

Yeah, it actually says here, in the song, Great Men Repeat Themselves, he describes the coincidental similarities between President Lyndon Johnson and the superhero batman yeah that's it that's the that's the conceit isn't it yeah ben calder wasn't the only person to release that song homer and jethro an act i believe might have been from he or released it as well great men repeat themselves yeah also did the parody tune yeah so there's a cover of the parody tune this is very obscure the ben calder version isn't it because it's not it's not mentioned in his discography on Wikipedia.

No, there's a page. And there's no version on YouTube. It gets a passing comment on the song, the original song it's covering. And the flip side is even more obscure and weird. But I think it's sort of recorded live and it's part of his sort of persona. Because it goes, there goes my everything number two. Yeah. And it's like...

Which sounds like when you went to the toilet after the tackies. And it's just him. He's got you went to the toilet after the tackies. And it's just him. He's got this sort of drunk persona. It's all about gin and he spills it. And it's quite amusing. I don't know.

So we'll get to the bit that is actually the most interesting thing about Ben Calder. His real name, by the way, Sheb Woolley. That's more cowboyish,

isn't it? Sheb Woolley. Ben Calder was a name he took on to release these songs as the cowboy character. Yeah, but isn't Sheb Wo Woolly more of a cowboy name? I mean, Shed Woolly sounds like...

If you had met two men, two men are behind doors, Paul, and you just have their names. Ben Calder... I'll suck them both. Well, that comes later. First, we need to ask you which you think is more likely to be a cowboy.

Ben Calder or Shed Woolly? Shed Woolly. Shed Woolly is great. Or a Pokemon. I wonder why he decided to use a pseudonym. Doesn't really say here, to be a cowboy? Ben Calder or Sheb Woolley? Sheb Woolley. Sheb Woolley is great. Or a Pokemon. I wonder why he decided to use a pseudonym. Doesn't really say here, to be honest. When he appears as an actor in the movies, I wonder if he used his real name

or Ben. No, he's Ben Calder as an actor. So that's his stage name. But, shall I let you announce why he's a very famous person that everyone should know about? He is extremely famous, and even if you haven't heard any of his novelty records, or seen any of the westerns he's in i'm almost certain you would have heard his voice on more than one occasion he was even today his voice still pops up in films because he is responsible for one of the most famous sound effects in all of movie history

or most widely used yeah the wilhelm scream which i'll put in now uh now so i tell them where it comes from yeah why is it called the wilhelm scream uh so it's a stock sound effect again we're using wikipedia for that apologies uh they've been used a number of films begin it was first used in the film distant drums the scream is usually used when someone is shot and falls from a great height or was thrown from explosion the sound is named after private wilhelm a character in a film called the charge at feather river a 1953 western which the character gets shot in the thigh with an arrow you would make that sound if you were shot in the ass with an arrow yeah and then it got added to the warner brothers stock library and they believe

they're not confirming they believe it's sheb woey. But it was first used as a sound effect in that film, Distant Drums. In the scene, a soldier is bitten and dragged away by an alligator. Okay, yeah. Can you think of any other stock sound effects that are as famous as that? Anything? Well, there is another scream sound effect.

I can't remember what it's called, but there's another scream sound effect that is used a lot in Star Wars and Indiana Jones that is used as, but just not as well known as the Wilhelm scream. Funny. funny so yeah they believe it was Seb because in the film uh distant drums he played a role that was uncredited right so I'm presuming then that he's the one who gets the shot in the leg and dies but they just so it wasn't a stock sound effect it was actually on the on the the soundtrack it was on the it was actually recorded when they were shooting the film yeah the charge at feather point or

whatever it was called ah and that film was before yeah funny real detective work has gone into that so yeah it's been

used in Star Wars Lucas and Spielberg have used it a lot in Indiana Jones films it was even used in the Force Awakens Toy Story, Cars, Aladdin, Beauty and

the Beast a lot of Disney films Game of Thrones Book of Boba Fett have used it it's crazy the immortality you get from doing one of Thrones Book of Boba Fett have used it it's crazy the immortality you get from just doing one of those isn't it

and funnily enough it's Mola Ram when he gets eaten by crocodiles when he falls to his death okay that's when they use it then it's funny Red Dead Redemption

Grand Theft Auto so it's gone into the computer game yeah it's just everywhere it reminds me of the Amen break what's that

which is that break that is the underpins all of Jungle. It's a drum break, but it was from a record by the Winstons called Amen Brother, which is why it's called the Amen Break. But then it's just like one of the most used samples ever. It was the whole basis for Jungle.

It's like the basis for the whole sound of the whole genre. I guess, I wonder if you could piece together a song. And he never got any money. This guy died in poverty who actually did the drum. Always the fucking way though, isn't it?

Yeah. But imagine, he got like a penny for every time it had been used. He would have been... Imagine if Ben Colder had been paid for every time they fucking used their Wilhelm scream

well that's what I mean it's this weird kind of immortality similar I see what you mean though I was just saying I wonder if you could piece together a song

using the Wilhelm scream that beat a sample all these different things a black box riff or something yeah everybody dance now

there's also equivalent things in musical motifs are somehow similar but people don't get paid for those either, do they? Like the deeply problematic and racist Chinese, what's that called, the Chinese one,

which signals that it's Chinese or... Oh, the da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Weirdly, though, I think I've said this before in the past, because of shitty British-like entertainment, every time I hear that tune, my brain goes, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, ba-da-ba-da-ba-bam, oi! Yeah, ba-da-ba--da-ba-bum is another one, though, isn't it? I find it fascinating.

And also, that music, what's the... Enter the Gladiators. How does that go? And yet, because of clowning and circuses, you couldn't really use it in... You don't think of gladiators, do you? You think of clowns. Imagine if fucking, you know, Ridley Scott's Gladiator

came out with it. I am Lucius, son of God. Rainfire on these bastards. Oh, here's my favourite bit of Ben-Hur with the doing the chariot race. So, well, I'll definitely pick up anything else I see by him. I mean, in many respects, I find it fascinating that a song that I can't find the point of in terms of why it was released, other than the fact that someone... They probably had a conversation at a pub one night.

The guy was like, did you hear that? What? Well, you know, the guy who shot JFK is like, really? Pen out. But I just think it fed into the sort of paranoid conspiracy theory craze that did come later. Oh, yeah. It feeds like the coast-to-coast radio program.

Yeah, all of that. It's like coast-to-coast as a record from the 50s. So what year was this? 64? Yeah, sorry, that might have been mid-60s. I can presume he parried it because he thought, well, what a load of stupid piece of piss.

Let's subvert it by making connections any which way you want. Batman and Lincoln, in a way. And you can. You could look hard enough. You could easily make connections between anything. Of course. You just analyse anything in terms of numbers, and you can just sort of break everything down.

You know, Cilla Black, C-I-double-A, five and five is ten, right? Yeah. And Bruce Forsythe is 5 and 7. But he... But she did a show called Surprise, Surprise. And he did one called...

Generation... Play Your Cards Right. Play Your Cards Right, which you hire... Surprise, surprise! You bet. You know, it is quite hard making conspiracies, isn't it?

Yeah. But Cilla Black has five letters in her first and five in her last what other Marty Cain five and five they're both the same person

because they're both Marty and they're both singers and they're both deeply annoying people right oh now we get to the meaty stuff apparently Cilla Black

was a horrible person and I remember Tory is what you're saying well yeah but there was but there was all that stuff remember she was like she like lorded

in many respects like oh Cilla she was yeah the princess die of showbiz at that time she was a national treasure but not anymore but what did Cilla do

sort of what did Cilla do didn't she have a show sort of an Esther Ransom style show where she sort of helped people out that was do? Didn't she have a show, sort of an Esther Ransom style show, where she sort of helped people out? That was Surprise Surprise, wasn't it, really? Oh, that's Surprise Surprise.

Yeah, she did Blind Date. Blind Date was fucking a huge... Surprise Surprise. I hated her singing voice. I hated, I hated... I'm sorry to derail this and make it a kind of anti-Cilla thing, but, like, I don't get Cilla Black. No.

Did she sing Alfie? I'd say all about Alfie. Well, she was a protege of McCartney, wasn't she? What does that mean? In the same way what Prince had... Sheena Easton. Sheena Easton. So Sheena Easton to Prince is what Cilla Black was to Paul McCartney.

I think Prince did a better job. Paul McCartney was very magnanimous with his songs, and he tried to support, and I think it's because of the Liverpool connection as well. Yeah, because she used to work as a coat person in the tavern. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you know what? The song that McCartney gave to Cilla Black,

which was her breakthrough, which is Look Inside Love. Look inside love. Which is a really good song. Is it? Yeah. I do not like it. I've got a version by the singer from Blue Mink.

I can't remember her name now. Right. Which is really good. Better than the Cilla version. I'd have to say, there's something about Cilla's voice I don not like it. I've got a version by the singer from Blue Mink. I can't remember her name now. Right. Which is really good. Better than the Scylla version. I'd have to say. There's something about Scylla's voice I don't like. It's that weird kind of breathy. It's a really sort of nasally sort of.

Look inside. But it is a great, it's a great little McCartney pop piece. Look inside. I don't know. I can't get over the Scylla-ness of it for me to enjoy it as a song. Well, I'll try and find that record. We'll watch this space, everyone. We'll find that record.

Is that the only protégé of the Beatles in any respect? Did Ringo Starr bring us Billie Eilish or something? No. You know, Billy, I think you want to write a song. Peace and love.

Because you're sending me fucking letters. Peace and love, Billy. You know. Did Lennon take anyone under his wing? No, I think it was a McCartney thing. McCartney was the super genius from the Beatles, wasn't he? He had it all going on.

I mean, he was a thrusting, cutting thingy majiggy guy. Just an amazing, amazing artist. Especially in that period. I just, why Scylla? I don't know, I've got a problem. I agree, but I did enjoy,

along with everyone else, I enjoyed Blind Date. Especially when it first came out. It was a big event television show, which you don't get that. I hate Blind Date blind date i hated that but it is famous for that one episode where the reporter came on she was a reporter for like the sun or something no that was blind date yes i'm saying everyone tear on her because she's a yeah a reporter and she's a boo but still i said for us to boo with this very much like it's like a Noel Edmonds complaining about the letter moment.

It's very Noel Edmonds. I think Scylla had a better leg to stand on with this argument. Yeah, she did get done the dirty by this reporter. Do you reckon what? Scylla's entourage took that girl backstage

and was like, you fucking fucked Scylla's show. We're going to fuck you up. You better get out of here pretty quick. You better have a fucking taxi booked because I've seen Scylla eat through bars when she's fucking angry. You know what I mean? You can, Will. You better have a fucking taxi booked because I've seen Cilla eat through bars when she's fucking angry.

Yeah, you know what I mean? You can imagine Cilla fucking getting a bit handy. Cilla's the MC Hammer of British highlight entertainment. Because MC Hammer was not gangster, but actually he was quite gangster because he knew very gangstery people. He was an actual sort of, yeah. He did actually have connections with the street.

Yeah. More than maybe some other rappers that were known as gangster as the time yeah he he had the he might not have been og himself but he definitely knew the ogs out there that's cilla she knew the craze did she i don't know let's say she did you can imagine her now in the craze can't you yeah she did surprise surprise she's not in it my ent is going to stab you in the eyes. And then it'll be a fucking blind date. Can we do, I know, right? I feel you want to turn this into the Cilla Blackpink party.

It's just, I'll tell you what it was. I was quite young when I realised that Cilla was a fraud, right? Because in Liverpool, they have the shopping centre. But it's kind of like the oldest shopping centre there originally. It's been usurped now by Liverpool. Is this in Centre? St John's Centre. But it's kind of like the oldest shopping centre there originally. It's been usurped now by Liverpool 1. Is this in Centre? St John's Centre. St John's Centre.

So that's where like the original shop market was in Liverpool. Yeah. Which has now been usurped by Liverpool 1. But they turned it into, it was an open air market square

and they turned it into a shopping centre. No, I think it was all, it was built to be a covered market. But it was like, for whatever reason, the 90s revamped and reopened

and Scylla came to open it. And do you know that scene in, like, I don't know if you watch, like, that fucking awful Zack Snyder Superman film. You know when everyone's reaching out for Superman and he's standing there like, Christ, and all these hands are reaching out towards him. I think I've seen that shot.

You've seen that shot. Imagine that, but with Scylla instead of Superman. And that's what it was like in Liverpool that day. The masses reaching out, right, to touch him. But she's one of their own. But the disdain in her face was like, don't touch me. Really? And she moved away through the crowd.

Were you there? Yeah. Because my mum, we all wanted to go see Cilla. Because, you know, you never saw Cilla in Liverpool, really. Right. So she was a big deal. And then you remember seeing her and thinking she hates everyone. I remember thinking, you seem mean.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. It goes deep, this Cilla hatred review, doesn't it? Not so much. Should we put her on the pantheon of despised celebrities along with Edmonds?

No, Edmonds is off that list. Yeah, Mike Reed has gone right to the top. Mike Reed. Noel Edmonds is in the naughty box, right? He's a naughty tinker. Mike Reed is on the, I will put him up against the wall and shoot him if the time comes. Are we going to do the second platter?

No, because we've reached 35 minutes and my 15-minute Celerant is eating into that. So we'll save it for another time. But Paul, we said we'd had two platters for them at the start. But Eli, I have to edit this podcast. So it's over. It's over. Okay, fine.

It's over. If you think that's acceptable. Well, I think it was a nice informative platter about a very interesting novelty song I don't think a lot of people know about. Well, I agree. That's why I've been trying to locate. I'll give them a little peek behind the curtain here.

Yeah. I bought this record several months ago from a charity shop and I keep misplacing it. And every time we say we're going to do it, it disappears. Perhaps that's something to do with the Illuminati and JFK's assassination. Well, let's think.

Don Calder is three letters and then six. And what's that? What else has three letters and six? My knob hole. My knob hole is itchy. I've got a pencil. Shouldn't we just

scratch the tip? No. So I take the pencil and rub it upon your meat ass. The mutton gas. The mutton gas is squirt of.

No, the mutton mouth. That's what it is. Eli's got his mutton mouth out, everyone. Oh, we got a nickname for my meat as well. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Eli with mutton mouth. Oh, God. It's spitting. Get some of those rosemary crisps on it.

Oh, that's that done. Okay. And as time draws to a close here on Cheap Show. Is time drawing to a close? Yes. You didn't. You, mouth. That is proper Gannon mouth disease.

Proper Gannon mouth disease in his fucking head. His head says I'm a-halling-any-more. Pop, pop. You nicked that. You twat. They're petwings. Good one. They always will beicked that you twat they're petwings good one they always will be and I will get my

seven petwings I'll be sprinkling the petwings you'll never know they'll pop out they'll pop out meaty meters mouth mutton mouth

I'm going to give you blue balls petwings so thank you for listening to this week's podcast yet again we'll be back next week for

more economy, kind of be comedy fun. Look out for the date for the live show. It's going to be slick. In August. Yes. That'll be coming up soon. Hopefully by next week we'll have the details

and it will be sorted and pins dotted and eyes crossed and all that stuff. Yes. Okay. It's going. It's going. It's a siller. It's put you off your meat.

I'm having a syntax error. Siller's put you off your food. She does a syntax error sciller's put you off your food if he does does she? yeah I used to I used to hate it as well

blind date and everything it'd be like a fucking hell tell you what though give me fucking blind date over fucking Love Island

surprise surprise which of those two would you rather watch surprise surprise or blind date surprise surprise because they're a bit naughty

what happens in surprise I can't even remember the format of that show. One person sits behind... Three women, or three men, depending on where they start. That's Blind Date. Yeah. What did you say?

Surprise, surprise. Surprise, surprise, I got it wrong. Right. Fucking hell. Surprise, surprise was just like, you spent 14 years in an orphanage, and then you went away to this, and you thought you'd never see your bunk mate again.

It was a reunion show. It was like reunions, it was, you know, community bits and bobs. That was so much harder to sit through than Blind Date. Come on, admit it. And then if it didn't end with some bullshit reason for Cilla to sing. Oh, where she did a song.

It'd be like, and we're going to go to an orphanage and reunite these people. Cut two video footage or film footage of them at the orphanage. And then it's like, consider yourself at home

consider yourself and then there's all the fucking girl scouts in the background going one of the family fuck me right so yes we're back next week

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And Eli is... I'm at Eli Snoid, and it's spelled E-L-I-L-I... I'm at Eli Snoid, and it's spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. We're beginning to malfunction. And also, we have a PO box if you want to send us any odds and ends or price of shites or things for the black bin bag or board games or records or anything you think would make this show fun it is cheap show p o box 1309 harrow h a1 9q j and all the information you need about cheap

show is on our website thecheapshow.co., where you'll get links to the merch pages, the Patreon videos, episodes with pictures and videos themselves. It's all there. Go and investigate. There's quite a lot of content there. And that's it. So we're going to say goodbye, and we're going to join you next time.

Bye, everyone. Paul, have you... What? Where's Honey? Honey was just here. Oh, I don't know where Honey is. Anyway, I'm going to go. What's in that bag?

No, nothing in the bag. Where's Honey? I've got Honey in me bag. Come back, you cunt! Oh, me pants are falling down, ladies and gentlemen. His pants are actually falling down. What the fuck's going on? I forgot that I undid them earlier in the box.

Jesus Christ, Paul. This is getting too real. You can see my modern. Bye-bye, everyone.