CheapShow - Ep 30: MCM Comic Con 3: The Ashes

Episode Date: November 9, 2016

Special Guests: Stuart Ashen & Ash Frith It's another LIVE edition of Cheapshow, on the Vidfest stage at October's MCM Comic Con 2016. Be afraid! Eli and Paul are joined by part time co-host Ash Frith and YouTube botherer Stuart Ashens for a show that sees Eli mistakenly think it's cool to drop an Ace of Base reference and announces a life hack for Monopoly. Meanwhile, Paul finds most people think a "Straddlebob" is a racist word, pits "plebs" against "celebs" for a very special Price of Shite and, once again, threatens his co-host with physical violence! Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Guests: @ashfrith @ashens If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Ladies and gentlemen! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! There's only two of us. So I'm not allowed to shout? No, but do it like that. Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies! Is this working? Is this fucking working, Paul? Yes!

Ladies and gentlemen! Wait, do it this way, for me. Do it from across the stage. I think it's funny. If anyone wants to take some pictures as well, please take pictures. We'll put them up on our website to accompany the episode. Right, shall I start then? Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's live! We're at a convention! Yes, it's Cheap Show! I'm Eli Silverman, I'm hosting this, and so is Paul Gannon, my co-host. Also with us today, we have occasional co-creator, Ash Frith. Hey! Ash. Creator was a bit grand. I was going to say, he's bumped you up somewhat to mild enthusiast, to co-creator. Co-creator, share, owner, all-round good egg. I've broken the mic stand and I've been on stage two seconds.

Stop jumping up and down like a freaky rabbit. I'm sorry I'm getting close to 40 and I refuse to give in to my age. Are you getting close to 40? I'm 40 in two years. I'm getting close to 40 stone. Anyway hello welcome to Cheap Show the comedy comedy podcast with me and Eli and sometimes Ashfrith. Go for the bargain bins, the charity shops, the comedy comedy podcast with me and Eli and sometimes Ashfrith. Go through the bargain bins, the charity shops, the pound lands of Great Britain and deliver what we find to you and we call it a podcast. Give us a cheer, MTM! Right, so we've only got half an hour today, so don't worry if you're thinking about getting bored, you can leave in about 25 minutes. Job done.

Sold! Sold! So Eli, before we get started, have you got any tales from the dance floor? Yeah, someone asked, I was DJing the other night, and she asked for, what's that one? Ace of Base. Ace of, what? I Saw the Sign, Ace of Base. All She Wants is Another Baby. No, I think she wanted one of the more obscure album tracks. Of course, bloody!

I'm sorry, what's the sign? Name one other tune they fucking did. They did All That She Wants Is Another Baby All She Wants the sign and

No I Saw A Sign Is All She Wants Is Another Baby No All That She Wants Is Another Baby She's Gone To Marabou Alright now sing the sign All That She Wants

Is Another Baby Whoa See four people got it because four people in this room are over the age of 30 apparently so good to know

Yeah rock and roll So it was either that Actually she wanted Justin Tim timberlake i just made that up it was justin it was justin timberlake so hang on you thought a more modern reference would be to say ace of base than justin timberlake i was struggling for something to say it's pressure you know usually we're in some dingy studio and here there's about six people watching us. So, yeah. Well, two less now. Yeah, look, you've put them off with the Exit Base references. I also like Wham! They've come back, they've come back! Right, so we've got two games lined up for you today.

Yay! The first is I went to a charity shop recently and I bought this for 75p. You don't even know what it is yet. What is it? What is it? It is a book of the popular British BBC TV show, Call My Bluff. Hang on, it sounds like there's some kind of World War breaking out now. That'd be the Avengers probably. Yeah, they're big, big shit. Can you imagine how depressing it is if the apocalypse, it's happening right now and all you lot are here for it. Can you imagine Rick Grimes waking up from that?

Walking Dead reference. So what I thought we'd do is we'd play a little game. See if you can guess. Do you know the format of Call My Bluff? Again, you're under 30, so why would they? I keep forgetting that. Call My Bluff was a game where they gave you a word like Bibbily Splot. And then you'd get three different interpretations

of what that name would be and then you'd have to guess which is the correct one. I'm so excited that I'm the only one. It's known as a board game format, Balderdash, I believe, isn't it? Oh, yeah, true. Balderdash. Yeah, true.

Some people might be more familiar with that because they're under 60 or something. You play board games? I play board games. You suck my game, man. Of course I do. I play board games. Suck my game, man. Of course I do. Who with? With my friends.

My large circle of real life friends. What's your favourite board game, Eli? I like... There's that one with the castles and the walls. What's that called? Do you know? Carcassonne. Thank you.

What's the one with the houses? Monopoly. Monopoly. My favourite is Mousetrap. You're a dick. Fair. I think that's fair. Do you play the short version of Monopoly

where they deal them out all at the same time at the beginning? No. Apparently that's the way to play it if you actually want a strategic fun. I don't want any fun when I'm playing a board game. Well, good. Choose Monopoly then, the long version. Also, the other thing I heard about Monopoly the other day.

What? Apparently, never buy a hotel. Always just keep the free houses. And that's the way to win the game. So never let anyone tell you Cheap Show doesn't have board game tips as well included. Noted. Have you just life hacked Monopoly?

I've done it. I'm so proud of you right now. Play the short version, never buy a hotel. There you go. Right. In a nutshell. Shut up. Call my bluff book.

Call my bluff. So we're going to play a quick game of this. I've picked a word. Okay. And you're going to have to all guess now and see which word you think that is. The word is straddle bob. S-T-R-A-D-D-L-E-B-O-B. Straddle bob.

Right? I'll give you the definitions. One, straddle bob is of American origin. This is what they would say a straddle bab. So what? My accent is just as good as Andrew Lincoln's in Walking Dead. Was that your American accent? That was your American accent. Straddle bob. What's the definition? I Andrew Lincoln's in Walking Dead. Was that your... American accent. That was your American accent.

Straddlebarb. What's the definition? I'm going to tell you now. It derives from the fact that the tribe of Indians who first lived in Milwaukee had the reputation... I think it's Native Americans, actually. Yes. So I do apologise.

This book was written in the 70s. It is what the white Americans called American Indians because they were bow-legged. So they'd see a bow-legged... Oh, so it's a racist term as well. Yeah, great. I should have read it. Just pick the racist ones out, Paul.

So there goes a straddle-bob. So it's either that or... That's a racist term for a Native American. What's the next racist thing you're going to point out, you bigot? Shut up! Number two is of Flemish origin. It is when you work with an open fabric loom. A fabric loom?

A straddle bob was the person who operated the loom, and the seat was in the shape of a saddle. That would be your saddle bob. I can see that. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, third and final one. A straddle bob is one of the curious names,

and it is known as a crane fly in some respects. So basically, a straddledle bob is one of the curious names. And it is known as a crane fly in some respects. So basically, a straddle bob... Is one of the curious names. What? What? What? Read it again. I am.

Okay. Twat. Basically, it means daddy long legs. It's an old-fashioned word for daddy long legs, basically. So it's a racist term. It's a racist term. A toilet. No, it's not a toilet.

It's a seat for someone on a loom. A loom. A loom. But I bet they incorporated some kind of toilet into that. Probably, if you were there all day. They didn't want to give you loom brakes in the Industrial Revolution, did they? Yes. So it's probably a poo seat.

Shut up. So it's either that or, finally, a daddy long legs. Right, so what's your vote, Mr Ash? I'm going for the loom. Loom. Eli, what are you going for? It's the loom, isn't it? Loom.

I'm going for the loom as well. Right, who else has a guess? Who do you think? Oh, what do you think it is, sir? Racism. I should never have gone to him. He's gone for racism. I should never have gone to him.

I apologize. Ladies and gentlemen, Stuart Ashen. Grab a microphone. If you say right now welcome to Cheap Show, isn't it great? I'll cut it into the beginning so it sounds like you were here the whole time. That's a good idea. Was it racism? He's here two minutes

and he steals the show already. So we've had racism from the guy who's obviously going to say that. Do we have any other options? What do you think it is, madam? Probably racism as well. What is it about the youth today that makes it... We're living in a post-post satirical society now.

And yes, I did just say the word satirical. I don't know what it means. You should try and stop talking. I think satirical is out of your book. Yes, it is. That's a racist term, isn't it? Stuart, you haven't been here, but do you want to pick the racist term? Do you want to pick the weird seat or do you want to pick the crane fly?

Do you want to pick the crane fly? I'm going for the crane fly. Do you know what the annoying thing is? He's right! Oh, come on! And you don't even know what it is we're doing. I have no idea.

It's usually the crane flyer. Always go for the crane flyer. We were playing Call My Bluff. You know, with whatever his name is. Frank Muir. That's his name. Where did you find that? Do you have a bookshop from the past or something?

Yeah, there's a little bookshop in Cambridge that has a portal in it. And it was either buy a book or get trained into the costume of a knight and go on an adventure. Or cheat on your wife like in Good Might Sweetheart. So many options in time travel places around the UK I think you'll find. Anyway, Stuart T everyone. Right, so we're going to go on to the main event now because I think we're running out of time already.

Sorry. No, no, no, it's all good. Where are we? Yeah, we've got 15 minutes. We can relax into this. So everybody breathe. Some people didn't breathe. No.

Which is worrying. But this is how cults start. Right, so what we're going to do is we're going to play a very special version of The Price is Shite. Way too exciting. But I love the moxie. Eli, will you please give us the theme tune?

Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite It's the fucking price of shite Oh, it's the fucking price of shite And that's right! Hello, welcome to the price of shite Subsection of Cheap Show Wait, wait

First of all, what we're going to do is this We're going to break this up into two teams Because I thought this was quite clever We have Team Ash You see where this is going And Team Stuart Rivals,ivals, big rivals so we need the volunteer to join

Team Ash first of all all hands go down, unbelievable you were thinking, I want to play with Stuart and then it was like, oh not that one who hates Stuart? alright, you're on Team Stuart then you two join up, we need two people then to come on victory is assured you know what, you were on team Stuart then You two join up We need two people then to come on Victory is assured

You know what, you were on the last live show So I'm going to grab you two for this one We've got to beat them, we've got to destroy them now So we're going to play a little version of The Price is Shite Where it's the celebs versus the plebs Give them a round of applause I think you've taken the two people That are doing most of the applauding I just realised I'm half the audience the plebs. Give them a round of applause.

I think you've taken the two people that are doing most of the applauding previously. I just realised half the audience. Right, so what's your name? Where do you come from? My name is Ricky. I come from Cobra. I thought that would be more interesting. I'm sorry, I've let everyone down. Where is Cobra? Where is Cobra?

It's in England, near Tunbridge Wells, that sort of area. Oh, it sounds like a delightful medieval town. It's where the Sherlock Holmes stories were written. Oh, really? All of a sudden? Less interesting. Right. Do you have any questions for the team?

No, no. Why would I have any questions? In case you want to vet them. I'm not vetting no one. I'm doing the fucking price of shite, mate. He's a giver, isn't he? Yeah, he's a top. I'm ready whenever you get over with the faff, you know.

All right. So, what's your name again? Ricky. Ricky. Ricky! Team member number one. And what's your name, sir? My name is Drew.

Drew, and where do you come from? The same place as him. How close? Same house. And the next question is room? Different rooms. Not bed? No.

Just checking. I just want to get an idea for my survey. For your thoughts. All right. Okay. So what's going to happen is this. Eli has brought a selection of his best tat from previous prices of shite. How many have you got, Eli?

Six. Six. Six. So what's going to happen is this. He's going to lay them out, give a little bit of explanation about each one, and then both teams are going to put them in order from cheapest to most expensive, and whoever gets it closest wins.

Sound like a good deal? All right. Good. So, Eli, it's over to you. What's your first price of shite? The first item in today's price of shite special, Paul, is this verified souvenir spoon from Porthcawl in Wales

I'll just show it to the audience It's an Arden souvenir for everyone who's into the branding of these items and you can see it comes in its original souvenir sleevelet so there you go.

I'll just show it to the celebs. It's silver plated. What do you think, Stuart? I think it shouldn't be taken out of the protective wrapper because it looks diseased. I wouldn't put it anywhere near a mouth, for example. So this is how much Eli has paid for it in his

local shop. No, no, you don't have to guess the price. You've just got to take it in because we're going to line them all up. Take it into you somewhere. You have to absorb it. And then when we put all six out, you put them in the order you think is most appropriate. It's got a lovely dragon on it. Okay. Are you happy with that?

It's got a lovely dragon. Okay. And please just, when you're considering the price, do remember the sleeve is intact. We all commented on the sleeve. Yes. Okay, yeah. That's my main selling point there the sleeve, right give it now

number one, what's number two? this post-modern red apple design post-it note dispenser with shake action full of post-its it sounds like well no there's no post-its actually in there

because you can see the mechanism there. It's a spring-loaded dispenser pad in there. And please be careful, the stem, the green translucent stem, is quite loose. So the teams could not manhandle my stem too much. Authentic Apple sounds. It's the cheapest Apple product you'll ever buy. Lovely. Good work. Is this used for smuggling something?

Yeah, all those little bits are made of heroin. There you go. Have a quick look. What is item number three? Item number three, one of my personal favourites. It's the Scooby-Doo monkey claw grabber. That is fully operational. It's fully operational, and also, again, I would like you to be careful with this,

because I've used it to wank myself off a lot. So just mind the sticky icky there. So one careful owner, then. Oh, Stuart, I mean, literally, don't touch it. Oh, I licked it. Should I not have licked it? I've got to build up my immune system. I gave it a little wash.

I used a post-it note to sort of scrub with it. Can I just put it in my sleeve? Yes. You can do the thing. It's the Scooby-Doo Claw of Doom. Jeremy Beadle. thing. It's the Scooby-Doo Claw of Doom. Jeremy Beedle. Oh no, come on.

Too soon. Okay, sorry. Third item, another favourite. The third item is the spring action. Girls in bikinis riding Harleys across the sky ashtray.

Ooh! With the spring-loaded top action there. That's a beautiful item. I mean, it is. If that hasn't got disease on it, it's semi-pornographic. It's...

It's been used to ash. It's not... I think that might have been in used in conjunction with the monkey claws well all these items do live in my room or as I like to refer to it the house of pickles I don't want to ruin this but I really think from looking at the photos

those ladies aren't really riding those motorcycles also it's the same photo repeated one, two, three, four times. I don't think they're really ladies either. Can I just point out one thing that I think I've ever seen? I think there might be a puke on it.

For those who missed it. It might be one of Eli's hair. It's just one of my hairs. It's not a puke. The monkey claws... He's not joking. I'm going to put this down really carefully. Shall we go for item number five?

If anyone wants a health check after this show's done. Item number five... It's Eli's anus. ...is Eli's funny worm. It's my funny worm, and as you can see... Eli, can I just stop? ...it comes complete with the box. Can I just say, this section is getting very symbolic about your life.

It's my funny worm. We've got a big throbbing red apple, we've got a wanky claw, a lady's nudie ashtray, and a funny worm. A psychiatrist's going to have a fucking field day with this. It's my funny worm. It's battery operated for ages four and up because it's in the box. That obviously affects value, as all collectors know. And automatic movements, forward and turn, both eyes flash, and my favourite, tail slungs back and forth.

Tail slungs back and forth. Here it is. Eli Silverman gets his funny worm out. Watch out because it's got a slinky incorporated into it. The dust is incredible. Look at that. This is unholy.

Can you be very careful with Eli's funny worm, please? If he's not on acid, I don't know what is. This is a big case of funny peculiar and not funny ha-ha. Oh, my God, you can see his penis. Eli or the worm? No, let's not get into that. Okay, have a look at my worm.

You must support the rear end. I'm going to model my final item. Okay, Eli's now about to model his final item. Okay, Eli's now about to model his final item. Eli, explain what it is you think you're doing. I'm just letting everyone see. This is the pride of my collection. Look at the colouring.

And this is a thermos flask for children in the 70s. And it's made by Cello. It's the Splash model. And it's made by Cello. It's the Splash model. And it's Playmate, I think, is the manufacturer. You can see that the band is intact. And it also has a little Cello sticker on top, which has been untouched. Again, adding to the value, so please bear that in mind.

It's been checked. Also, another sticker the value, so please bear that in mind. It's been checked. Also, another sticker attests to that fact. There it is, the Cello Splash completing the line-up, today's special episode of The Price of Sight. Right, so we're going to give both teams a chance to have a guess. So, if Team Pleb can move to one side while we have Team Celeb have a little bit

of a look at it. Look at the chain on it and everything. Stuart's having a sniff. Now, Stuart, you don't want to smell that. Don't smell it, he said. Smells of curry. Smells of curry? Yeah. I don't know.

Someone had curry in it one time. He made me do that. Maybe he had some dhal soup or something in there, you know? Right. So you both now have what I think in my head is 30 seconds to put these in order of cheapest at the far end nearest you to most expensive nearest me. To me, that is a McDonald's free toy.

That literally is. But that could mean it's collectible. Always put it at collectible. Now, Eli, I just want to ask, you do know the prices of these, right? I reckon it must have been one of the pricier ones. Yeah, I'll do that. If you saw that in a charity shop, you'd be like, oh, we'll get a good couple of quid for that.

I think you're absolutely right. This one smells of curry, so... Yeah, that's unholy on many levels. I'm thinking... I reckon that further forward. Spoon is going up. Right. What do you think now?

I think you're pretty much bang on. All right. Move to one side so the audience can finally see what you're up to. You have said... Eli, can you say... So, what have they said in position number one for cheapest? Monkey Claw of Doom. Right.

What's number two? The Spoon. Fourth Call Spoon. Okay. What's number three? Ashtray of the Sky. Great. Number four? Cello Splash.

Pardon? Cello Splash. You mean the flask? It's called the Cello Splash. Do you not listen to anything? Nope. Number five? Red Apple Post-it Note Dispenser. Alright, and finally?

My Funny Worm. I'm pretty confident, actually. The most expensive item is the Funny Worm. Right. So, Team Pleb, it's your turn. Have a crack. You've got 30 seconds to move it around. Oh, wow.

What do you think is the most expensive item out of all of those? Controversial. I think the Flask. You think the Flask? Yes. They did spring into action as well. What do you think is the most expensive item? They've got a Coordinated Plan. Probably the Astro. They didn't speak to each other first What do you think is the most expensive item? Probably the

ashtray. Telepathic, yeah. They share a house, don't forget. That is playing right into their hands. What do you think is the most expensive item? The flask looks collectible. It's so old. Fair play. Eli or the flask? Both.

Right. So, Eli, what have they said is the cheap? Are you happy with this selection? Now. No, probably not after touching it. So we're going from cheapest to most expensive here, is this right? Right. I don't know what drugs they're on, but I want some based on this selection. So, now, just before I... Wait, I need to write these down. So what have they said so the audience at home can hear? We've got Cello Splash in cheapest position. Flask is the cheapest.

Wanky Monkey Claw in second position. Okay. Ashtray of Fantasy in third position. Yeah. Big Apple. Post-it note dispenser. Fourth position. Yeah. My Funny Worm in fifth position. Yeah. Big apple. Post-it note dispenser. Fourth position. Yeah. My funny worm.

Fifth position. So we're becoming more expensive. Is this right? And then the most expensive item, and I can see this, the pleb team have an eye for quality. It is the silver-plated, fourth-call souvenir spoon. Ooh. Right, so, Eli, you are

now about to reveal the order. Do you want to place them in order? The actual order. And then how do they work? You've invented a game with rules that are completely so complicated. Don't hit me! Are we doing this now? Alright, I'll do it.

Here's what's going to happen. You'll put them in the right order. Fucking hell! Listen, I have this sorted out. You put them in the right order. Fucking hell. Listen, I have this sorted out. Fucking hell. You'll put them in the right order and we'll see how many match up to the order they put it in. Good. I'm glad you've worked it out. All right.

All right. Ow. Did ya? Okay. Right. So, in reality. Start with the cheapest. Stay consistent.

We'll start with the cheapest, yeah? Yeah, start with the cheapest. The cheapest item is the spoon. So they were both wrong there. Oh, I thought we went spoon. Did we not go spoon? No. You put the spoon second. Damn it. Unbelievable. So what's the next one?

Wanky monkey claw. That came with a happy meal. One point for team pleb. What is the third item in expense? It's there. It's the cello splash. Oh, come on. So they both got that wrong.

Come on. What is the fourth most expensive? Or at least, I don't know how to work this out. Who's fourth? It is my funny worm at two pounds. Wow. So, no. Then. Yeah.

Oh, actually, sorry. Oh, hang on. it's not my funny worm I made a mistake sorry in fact in fourth position should be the post-it note dispenser that is £2 as well

another point for team Clem and it is cheaper than the £2 funny worm because I also got point for Team Pleb. And it is cheaper than the £2 Funny Worm because I also got a little Pikachu game thrown in by the charity shop owner. Totally gratis. So, making that cheaper.

Then we have the Funny Worm at £2. Just £2 straight. That's number five. Wait, wait, wait. That was number five? Yeah. Another point for Team Pleb. What. And the most expensive... Wait, wait, wait, wait. That was number five? Yeah. Another point for Team Pleb. What? And the most expensive item at £2.49 is the sexy ladies on Harleys

riding across the Sky Astray with spring action. And it should be the most expensive. Look at the engineering. It's a fix-up. I actually did have a prize, but I can't remember if I brought it. So what I will say is, if I go to my bag later and I've still got it,

I'll give it to you then. But if not, give me your email address and I'll post it to you because I have a Blu-ray copy of The Death of Superman Lives to give away. Signed by the director. So that's what they win for that. Signed by a director.

Yes! Hooray! The Peps win! Yeah, you may have won a prize. Now, fuck off! Well, give a round of applause for them. Right, what time is it? I'm just going to mention this one item.

What? Go on. The gentleman whose name I can't remember, but I know it's weird. He was on a... He wants me to auction this chilli dispenser. Anyone want it? 5p? Yeah, okay, it's yours. You do have to have 5p on you.

You have to have 5p. Oh, he's chickened out. No? Oh, he's actually getting 5p. This is money. The money's rolling in on Cheap Show Quick we've got one minute This is a quality item that I'd like myself Well

It's gone up to 10p now He's done it He's won it 20p There's nothing else for sale, no. Especially not my monkey claw. So, erm... That's Cheap Show!

Ladies and gentlemen, give a big round of applause to our special guest, Stuart Ashen, today. Give a massive round of applause to our other Ash, Ash Frith. The Human Hobbit, Eli Silverman. Thanks very much. And I am everyone's worst CRB check, Paul Gannon.

Thank you for joining the show. If you want to follow us, go on to cheapshow.co.uk or at thecheapshowpod. Goodbye. Thanks very much. Thank you. you