CheapShow - Ep 301: Talk To The Hand

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

Following the events of Episode 300, Paul isn’t quite feeling himself and so it’s up to Eli to tackle the tatty topics of the week. He finally gets to finish off the selection of Japanese “worthless” snacks and Gashapon pods, which brings him a lot more joy than Paul gets, who’s really not in the mood. Speaking of which, Paul is (sadly) on full “tinker mode” and decides its time to censor Eli’s tawdry tangents. This does not go as well as he’d hoped, but at least he has a plan up his sleeve to end the episode. As it was Paul’s birthday recently, his mother sent him a box of extremely random items and it’s up to Mr Silverman to roll up his sleeves and dive into Paul’s Mum’s Box with gusto. In more ways than one, it’s a very random episode. Oh, and they also try a few “Sodi-Pops” too. Which brings up a bit of an awkward moment. One that may cause trouble later down the line! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-301-talk-to-the-hand And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock

So Marjorie, how long is this going to take? Oh, it won't take long. I think you'll find all of my machines are very efficient. I'll just get Munro to crank it. Okay, Munro. Munro, press crank. Thank you. Yeah, because I really am in a hurry.

Sorry, Marjorie, but I have to do the show, and, you know, I need a paw. Don't worry. I've put the contents of your ghostly trap into my contraption, and it will be doing its calculations, its machinely calculations, right now. So keep cranking, Monroe.

Monroe, keep crank. Good, good, yeah, because I really need him to... I need him around. Here he comes. Right. Pull the lever. I pull it now. Paul, is that you? Oh, yes, he's been...

He will be a bit gelatinous when he first comes out of the machine. All squabbly bits and yes, he will be a bit gelatinous when he first comes out of the machine. All squabbly bits and yes, he must do with my... A mouth noise is normal. A fucking tropey mouth noise is totally normal. Who ma... Hello there. I'm Marjorie Craddock.

Who me? And you're in my emporium of machines in the basement, actually. It's a very large basement full of machines. Dada? Paul. Dada? Paul. Dada?

Paul, talk to me. Dada. Are you ready to do the podcast? Are you my dada? No, I'm not your dada. What go? Do you want dick titty? Dick.

It's all coming back to me. Dick titty. Dick titty. Are you okay, young man? It's all coming back. No, I'd like payment from you. Okay, here you go. What did we say?

It's coming back to me now. So how do I get him to get him out of here? Have you got a trolley? Oh, I've got several trolleys. I'm Marjorie Craddock, and you're in my hall of machines. We're in the basement where I've got all sorts of cloning devices. I've got this copying machine, copies characters.

Eli, make podcast? Come on, Paul, this way. Eli and Paul make pod? Eli and Paul make pod again. Come on, Paul. We do chap shoe. Chap

shoe? Yes, that's right. Cheap show, Paul. Yes. Cheap show. Yes. Oh, there's more coming back.

Yeah, but we have to get out of this. That's what we've done. Yeah, that's what we've done, yeah. It's all coming back to me.

He's getting the memories. Let's do a podcast. Okay, well, I've got an appointment with a very important industrialist upstairs, so if you two would like to take the

elevator. Bye. Come on, Monroe, I need to spruce up. Monroe, go walk. Come on then, Paul, let's leave Marjorie Craddock's emporium. Let's get out of here and make a podcast. Because he's bloody cute, yes. Yeah, you big bloomer-omer loafed handed cunt. I'm back, baby. Bloomer loafed?

Yeah, bloomer loafed handed twat. That's a tautology. Is it? Loaf is a bloomer. Yeah, but I'm saying bloomer loafed handed twat. How can I be bloomer loafed? Well, you are one. Your hand looks like a load of bloomer loafs. How about that? I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. It's the Price of Shite

Paul Gannon Eli Silverman It's the Price of Shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Oh, it's episode 301. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where each week Eli and I go for the bargain bins, the charity shops and pound lands of Great Britain and beyond. And we bring you the

treasure we find amongst the trash. And this week we're coming from the Harrow on the Hill. It's the house on the Harrow on the Hill. Doobie-dee-bo. Harrow House on the Hill. Could I just say for your ears? Although it's not actually on Harrow on the Hill.

It's just that's the nearest station, isn't it? Well, Harrow on the Hillthe-Hill. It's just that's the nearest station, isn't it? Well, Harrow-on-the-Hill is nearby. Howdy-will, how old are you? He'd had a hoo-hee. I can't work with you anymore, Paul. It's got real bad.

Why has it gotten bad? Because you go just off-piste and then when I do, the hand comes up. When I go slightly off the path, but every single other word is you just basically turning everything into some kind of

sing song. He's flipping me the bird, everyone. I'm flipping him too now. He's double flipped me. I've double birded you. That's such an Americanism. So there's going to be a different sound quality. Do that. I know, this is an Americanism. Forget about it. Yeah, they do Italian-Americans. Forget about it. That one.

Yeah. Biting your... I fire my tongue at you. Nothing. That one? Yeah. Fighting your... I fire my tongue at you. Nothing. I've got nothing. I wanted to say for your raise. Okay, but anyway, I'm just saying the sound quality might be a bit different because we're in a different room. Yes, but Harrow. I'm just saying.

I came over to Harrow today to do the podcast for a nice change. A palate cleanser, if you will. A palate cleanser. Like a lemon water. Oh, I need some lemon water. Now give me the spitty bowl. Give me the spitty bowl. They're putting their hand up.

They're putting their hand up right now on that. They're putting their hand up right now. I need somewhere to spit this lemon water out, Paul. Well, how about I pull my underpants forward. Double dunk it. Double nug dunk. Give it a nug-dush-dush. I don't know what dush-dush means. It's good, though. I want a dush-dush. Double d it. Double nug dunk. Give it a nug dosh dosh. I don't know what dosh dosh means.

It's good though. I want a dosh dosh. Double dosh. A double dosh. Double dosh. What does dosh do though? It's when you double dunk a nut. Oh, double dunk a dosh dosh.

Right, okay. Double nub and dunk. There you go. Put that on a t-shirt. Double dunk dosh dosh. Oh, I'm beeping. Don't have your phone on. I'll turn it off.

I didn't realise. I don't have my phone on when t-shirt. Double dog. Dush, dush. Oh, I'm beeping. Don't have your phone on. I'll turn it off. I didn't realise. I don't have my phone on when we do this. I did not realise. And I have more important things in my life than you to worry about. That's a completely subjective judgement. I don't like this body. There's something weird about it. Your own body?

Oh, yeah. That's the thing. Come on. Play along. Well, you know why that is, Paul? Yeah. Because I've just recreated you out of a ghost box in the fucking Fannery Craddock's... What's it called? Marjorie.

Yeah, you should know your own shit characters, mate. Marjorie Craddock's Emporium of Machines, which we had to... We were in the lift for about... How much did that cost to use, then? I don't want to go into that. Was it a lot of money? To get a clone of my body, was it a lot of money?

Put it this way. I've been selling my ass as a male prostitute in King's Cross. So it was about ten pence? On a good day. On a good day, I can sell my arse for ten pence. On a good day. I can put my hand up. You can't just start singing

about everything. I can. No, but you do have an excuse because this is a new body for you. You've reincorporated as Paul. I think my eyes are a little bit too close or something. Can you see things other people can't see or something? Let me have a look around. I can see a dickhead. I must have super dickhead powers,

which means I can see dickheads. I'm putting my hand up. We cannot expect the next hour of this show raising our hand to each other when we object to content. Now, I came over to Harrow today, Paul, and it really struck me in the rain near to Harrow on the Hill station. It really is

where London has sort of tapered off, fallen apart, and then been just sort of concreted over. Yeah, I mean, it's a really peculiar place, and you walk under the, down the end of your road, and your road is almost semi-rural. I mean, it's a really peculiar place and you walk under the... down the end of your road and your road is almost semi-rural. I mean, it's very suburban.

Because you've got that park just there, which is quite nice. With nice sort of cottagey sort of style houses. But then you've got the absolute urban concrete fucking megalithic blight

just there. The two shopping malls up the road, yeah. Do you know what I mean about the contrast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's strange. It's like they clash

like a badly put together jigsaw with two different images. Yeah, it's where London'son sort of fucking yeah these the super imposition of modernity onto what was there before is sort of slippy sort of like but that's what the metropolitan line is isn't it it's like london dissipating yes as you get further out it was a line designed to because you get off at the very far end of the metropolitan line and it's like you know you know, it's like Midsomer Murders. Yeah. It's those kind of little areas.

That's a very good way of putting it. It dissipates. The further out you get on the... Yeah. And it's just when it's... Because this is sort of officially in London still, isn't it? Yes, I mean, it's in a zone. Does that mean... No, we're outside the M25, though, aren't we here?

No, you're inside. Oh, then we're in it. You're in Greater London. In it to win it. Right. So, on this week's episode, we're just going to go easy. We've had a kind of full-on last couple of weeks. Thank you to everyone who watched the show live on YouTube

when it went out last week on Friday. We've had great feedback. We enjoyed making the show. Very pleasing. We're just glad that we can share it with the world now. And yes, the podcast version does have its own differences and little secrets, but the video one's the one to go with.

Really? Because you can see more. The problem is, as you pointed out, sometimes the audio in the podcast picks up more things than the video ones the one really because you can see more the problem is as you pointed out sometimes the audio in the podcast picks up more things than the video did there are definite whole lines yeah that were picked up the sound they did a great job of recording it basically yeah harrow art did a great job i was really concerned what it's going to be like and then it was like i took it i was like oh i barely have to edit this yes and also but you had your own backup on stage did that work at all no i only used that

just to pick up laughter track really and even i didn't use that in the end didn't use that because you know it was no laughter so i didn't need to there was laughter there was laughter 301 new horizons you know what's the horizon now? 350 350 330 okay and we may have another live well yeah gig next year

yes spoiler alert we're just going to put it out there early next year there'll be a gig in the Midlands once it's confirmed you'll all know

and obviously Patrons will get to know first anyway long story short it's exciting another live show as quick as you like yes did you like the live show?

oh yeah great I don't know what I'm meant to be doing Mr. Sillivan yeah it was great Long story short, it's exciting. Another live show as quick as you like. Yes. Did you like the live show? Oh, yeah. Great. I don't know what I'm meant to be doing. Mr. Sullivan. Yeah, yeah, it was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought this was a palate cleanser. You're re-dirtying your palate with the live show.

What's he playing with his fidget? He's feeling anxious because I'm having a go at him. Instead of raising his hand. Can I do a bit now? Because this has been playing through my head. You're the waiter. You're the waiter. I'm a waiter. Just do instead of raising his hand. Can I do a bit now? Because this has been playing through my head. You're the waiter. You're the waiter. I'm a waiter.

Just do what I say. In a restaurant. Yes. Right, okay. Am I coming to you or are you serving me? Oh, what a rich meal. Waiter?

Yes, sir? Bring me a small bowl with some lemon in it. No. Oh, you're a bad man. Great sketch. I like the bit where it died on its ass in the first sentence. Well, you said no. You said you'd do what I wanted.

I just wanted a palate cleanser brought to the table. Oh, I see you wanted a metaphorical palate cleanser brought. Put it down there. Have you brought my lemon water? Thank you. Don't say no to me. I had a word with your manager. I'll give you a palate cleanser.

Close your eyes. Oh, okay. I'll open my mouth. Yeah. I'm just going to undo my trousers and then place my bum on your gob. Oh, his bum. Oh, you switched it there.

I thought you were going to come in my mouth. You're not going to shit in my mouth. That's how we break. That's how Paul one-ups his fucking years of spunk tour. I'm subverting expectation. Aren't I? Aren't I? What have we got coming up on the show?

You've exhausted me with this bullshit. We have a soda jerk moment. We have a little bit of a wash up to do with some snacks that Eli wants. Eli is just obsessed with getting in his gob tonight. So let's get it done. Listen, we owe it to the person who sent them. And then finally, we'll be rummaging through my mum's box. Because to cut a long story short for my birthday, my mum just sent me a box.

I honestly thought it was a PO box item full of oddness. So my mum just sent me random shit. We're going to go through it. I just thought that'd be fun. It will be fun. So let box item full of oddness. Well, it certainly is. So my mum's just sent me random shit. We're going to go through it. I just thought that'd be fun. It will be fun. So let's do this fucking thing then. If you got that cucumber, I could actually put a cucumber into your mum's box.

I'll do that. I'll do that if you get me a picture of your sister pinging in a microwave. Oh, no, no. Stop my sister. That isn't my sister. Yeah, ish. Peeing in a microwave.

No, pinging a microwave. I like it when, you know, she takes the dial and she turns it and you can hear her ping. I can do that. Yeah, ask her. Ask her for me and I'll ask my mum for you.

You don't have to ask your mum. That's your mum's box sitting right there. Oh, yeah. I can have my way with it. She doesn't know the wiser. What if I put that box in the oven? I'll get all sorts of veg. I'll get some fucking, you know what,

spherical courgettes and I'll fling them in there. I'll get some fucking, you know what, spherical courgettes. And I'll fling them in there. Spherical courgettes. I don't know why that amused me, but it's a thing. Spherical courgettes. The kind of veg that you find everywhere. Should we have a little poke in that bag then?

Oh, the Japanese snacks? Yeah, let's do that now. All right. So quick mea culpa. I lost the letter that goes with these snacks from the walk we did all those years ago.

It wasn't years ago. I reckon it was years ago. It was less than a month ago. I've been in the afterlife. I've seen an eternity. Okay, so it's like this is going to be a sort of hold all excuse for you

whenever you're fucking useless memory. He's putting his arm up. I'm doing it. He's putting his hand up. Hand me the bag and I'll have a scrummage. Was it Chris who sent it? I can't remember the name of the lovely person. Well, neither of us can, so thanks again, though.

I'm going to take the toys out. I'd just like to make it clear I didn't lose them. Oh, there's gashapons. Are we doing those as well? Yeah, we're going to do all of it, but we've got 10 minutes because I'm not having Any more of this fucking shit

I'm picking You said I could pick out My two most promising Snacks Yeah see that Empty them all out Rather than rummage Put them on the side

Just there Pour them all out On the cheap show studio I don't know what else Is in there There might be some crap Left over from that walk actually Okay

There's some kind of Chocolate things Oh were there Chocolate things Oh I don't know what they are I don't know neither Well we're looking At these though Alright so Oh, were they chocolate things? Oh. I don't know, neither. Well, we're looking at these, though.

All right, so... These look like sours, don't they? Because they've got some kind of character who's... Lemon sour balls or something. He's going... Like that, isn't he? Like he's electrified, and his eyes are watering. So that says to me these are sour balls. There seems to be a tray containing three sour balls of some

sort. It's on the table. We've also got a frog mascot. This seems to be like a frog policeman mascot cornball snack. Oh, let's have a look. He's a frog dictator. He looks like a frog member of the fucking village people. I guess.

From dictator to village person. He can't be a dictator. Why has he got these hats? Hasn't he? He's got one of those Iron Man... A military hat of some sort. Yes.

Like a dictator. The dictator wouldn't wear that. Wouldn't he? He wouldn't have a thing. He'd be in a suit. What about Bison? Doesn't he wear one of those in Street Fighter?

Yeah. Not Bison. No, not the... I thought you meant the US president. Funnily enough... Oh yeah, go on, get this in. Tales from the Digger Dance Floor.

Paul Gannon. Guaranteed. I was DJing. It was two weeks ago now. A fortnight ago. Yeah. The weekend before. The funeral of.

The funeral of the queen. Oh, magic. The queen, the queen, the queen, the queen, the queen. I poked the queen's spleen through her behend. Oh, God. Oh. That was good, behend. Oh, God. Oh. That was good, actually. Well done, Eli.

Now, the weekend of the queen's funeral. Yeah. The weekend before, rather. Yeah. The Saturday night, yeah? Yes. I am DJing in Camden, where I do. Where he do.

And the first set I do is from 9 until 10.45. It's the longest bit that I DJ for. Mate, this is all old fucking information. Listen, I'm getting to it. What do you mean old? It's not old to our listeners. It's not how your night works. It is to me. Okay, forget them. Sorry, listeners. Forget them for me. I'm putting my hand up. I'll put my hand

up. Listen. And I'll put my belly up. It's... Well, at least I'm wearing a shirt and not wearing the fucking die-hard vest. So every time you raise your arms two gorillas pop out. Fucking disgusting. I'm enjoying it. There's more space here.

It's like watching a jungle puppet show every time you move your arms up. Now. Oh, God. Listen. Yes. 10.45, I get off the decks. Yeah. And I go out the back.

He goes out the back. Because it's on the corner. The venue is on a corner. Yes. Of the high road. Yes. And another street. And I'm out there. I'm having the back. Because it's on the corner. The venue is on a corner. Yes. Of the High Road and another street. And I'm out there and I'm having a smoke. Ten minutes. And then bloody Joe Biden

drives past. Yeah, his whole stockade went past. His cavalcade. Stockade. It's not a stockade. A stockade is where you... Stockade and waterment. Shut up. A stockade is where you... Embattlement, isn't it? Stockade. Yeah, that's not what it is.

Blockade. What is it? What's it called when a bus... Knockade. Dockade. Rockade. It's not an aid. It's not an aid-cade thing.

Ochade. Ochade-noo. Anyway, a load of his cars went past. A load of cars went past. The first ones, well, there was firstly, there was metropolitan police officers on motorcycles. Yeah. And I thought, eh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what's going on here? And then like a big sort of armoured limo with two American flags on. yeah and i thought yeah yeah yeah what's going on here then like a big sort of armored limo with two american flags on yeah so that's when i thought hang on is this biden is this biden yeah and it fucking was and you saw him didn't you in the glass i saw a flash of his pink skull and the sort of white hair the old man here yeah yeah do you know what i mean like one of those images you know when you know to you it's such a strange route because that road goes like around the back streets. It is somewhat of a back street,

but it is also a main way up to Regent's Park. And that must be where he was going because there was a lot of ambassadorial, I think there's a rumour. Yeah. Or it's one of these sort of known things that MI5 is up there. Yeah.

They've got big underground secure things up there. Isn't there just a little part of you though that wishes the window wound down and he put his head out and he went, Chardney Barath. Jeep show, keep it going.

Keep it going, Jeep show. I'm Jimmy Biscuits. If he was Jimmy Biscuits, that would be beyond surreal. Write this down right now for a plot point. Jimmy Biscuits becomes president. Yes.

Why haven't we done that before? Because we're on original concert. We don't know what we're doing from week to week um but yeah very surreal because i've been working that venue over 10 years yeah and it's just like i'm never going to see someone but there's also a real part of me as well that wish that has the car had gone by all they saw was you against the wall one hand up the other hand on your penis having a big long slash yeah you could have been i don't like to piss Or taking a shit on a bin bag. I do not do that. No, you don't. But others do.

Yeah. We're driving through Camden. And I did have confirmation because I looked on my phone, looked at the news. Yeah. And it said he'd landed in Stansted. It said Biden arrived in the UK.

Oh. He landed at Stansted. Exactly the right time for it to be him. So it was him. That's just a little story. No, good. Thank you for joining us. That's just a little story. No, good. Thank you for joining us. Lemon, we've done that.

No. Bless you. Teach you for being fucking critical of my story. No, I think I'm allergic to it. So I'm going to ask you to cut back on those stories, please. Oh, look, the hand is almost up. This is kind of a shove. It's a shunt.

You did say we almost looked at this, but this is a different sort of three-ball lemon affair. Oh, look, it's like a shunt. You did say we almost looked at this, but this is a different sort of three-ball lemon up there. Oh, look, it's like a fruit bowl with a toothpick. And you pick, you stick it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a nice melon thing, isn't it? What are you thinking? And this is like some kind of seaweed broth corn snack thing.

Remember, Paul, these were what they call in Japan... Worthless candy or worthless snacks, yeah. Penny-choosed, you know, that kind of thing. They've got such a different culture. Look at these brown balls of some sort. Oh, suspicious balls. Are those plums? I don't know.

I think those are fermented plums. I think we should do those. I'm not doing those. I think we should do those. I am not having someone's fermented plums in my mouth. I think you owe it to everyone who listens to this podcast. I owe it to myself. Also, Marjorie Craddock said

to get your body, your new body, your new corporeal form. What if I do plop from it? You need to pass your first movement because you're going to have what's basically sort of packing peanuts and stuff in there. Oh, I know. Because you've been machined. Poo poo, yeah. So you need these plums to pass through. The plums

need to push the poo poo through. That's it. I've told you. Fucking Stanley Unwin over there. Right, pick two then. Pick two from that selection you can take the rest home to enjoy on your own time. Because I'm tired of this now.

Already been almost ten minutes in this shit. Right, I'm opening the plums. I don't know if they're plums for sure. Right? We're going to have a little niff niff on this. Yeah. Just open it at the other end.

It doesn't open at the other end. It doesn't open at the other end! Not for your fucking French baguette fingered... Here you go. You need to taste these, yeah? What is this?

It looks like a great big green thing. An olive? It's a furry olive thing. Oh, no. It's sour. You have to taste it. All right, ready?

It's some kind of fruit or something. No, it smells like an olive. It smells like a... Oh. Has it got a pippin, do you think? Yeah. It's some kind of stone fruit. Right, it smells like an olive. It smells like a... Has it got a pippin, do you think? Yeah.

It's some kind of stone fruit. Right, here we go. God. God. It's a salted plum. Fuck. That is so strange. God.

It's like a preserved salted plum. It's weird. Like a salty gooseberry. What's that mean? Like a thick grape. Yeah. It's very fruity and salty, isn't it?

And it's also sweet, though. It's weird. It's like vinegary. Yeah. In fact, it's vinegar. It's very vinegary, yeah. It's a plum. Oh, God, mate.

Why? I knew that would be a good one. Right, one more to go. Hopefully, Paul, this next one will be somewhat of a palate cleanser for you. Now, do you want monster sours? Monster sours, yeah. Or do you want a guy freaking out on acid sours? I kind of want to try the monster sour.

You should try the other one, then. Oh, okay. They look like very similar products to these. Some sort of sour thing in a tray. Look at my dainty fingers easily opening this packet up with no... Lemony? Lemony. They're almost the same thing, but they're different brands. Is the shape the same? Because these

are kind of like little... Yeah, almost exactly the same, but yours is a darker hue. Mine are a darker hue. You ready? These are probably sour. Alright, here we go. These are me gum. Oh, are... You ready? These are probably sour. All right, here we go. These are me gum. Oh, are they chewing gum? We'll find out. Oh, yeah, probably.

Yeah, they're like bubble gum. Lemon gum. What's yours? Lemon gum. Yeah, they're both lemon gum, aren't they? All right. Quite nice. Now we have to chew this.

It is definitely chewing gum, though, isn't it? I'm going to have to have spitty, aren't we? I'm going to do spitty and gooseberry. Oh, look at these. Oh, I'm taking these home with me. Take them home. That's very, very rich in flavour, but I'm going to have to put it to one side because... It's nice and lemony. Oh, I'm taking these home with me. Take them home. That's very, very rich in flavour, but I'm going to have to put it to one side because...

It's nice and lemony. Actually, really nice. Yeah. No, fine. I'm going to have the rest of those. You sure you don't want one of these plums, Paul? I don't. Well, that was a nice...

That was a fucking good palate cleanser. It was. Lemon palate cleanser. Right, next. Pick one more. Oh. Go on. I'm in a good mood.

We've only just crossed 10 minutes. All right. I think we'll try our little... Yeah? Well, unless you want to do something gross, which is definitely gross. That is seaweed. Yeah, but no, I'm not in the mood. You don't want to? No, just go easy on me, mate. I'm new in this body.

Okay. We're going for dictator frog corn puffs. Alright. Try not to break this because you need to take photos for everyone to... Yes, I will. Oh, I remember before when we tried some of these, I said it had a real roast beef Monster Munch flavour. And this is the same. Fuck me.

I'm getting big nostalgia bum-bums. Right, I'm going to have a huff now on your bum-bums. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? I think these are sort of seaweed-flecked corn balls. Doctor. Actually quite a subtle flavour. Not overpowering.

To me, that really reminds me a lot of a roast beef flavour Monster Munch. All right. Not quite as strong. No, subtle. Not as heavy, because Monster Munch have quite a heavy flavour, I think. In a good way, I love them. But a real kind of... Mate, I love these frog balls. I'm telling you. Yeah, subtle, not as heavy because like, once in a while you have quite a heavy flavour I think. In a good way, I love them. But a real kind of... Mate, I love these frog balls. I'm telling you. Yeah, do you?

You love the frog balls. I love these Japanese snacks, mate. Okay, so put them down. I love Japanese worthless snacks. Put them down and we'll come back to them later because I'm not going to have to edit around your fucking lip-smacking... One more ball. Honk-mouthed gore. Mmm! Yeah, that's a good snack. Ooh! Right, let's quickly Fucking lip smacking. One more ball. Honk mouth gore.

Yeah, that's a good snack. Ooh! Right, let's quickly look at these gachapons. Which one do you want? Is it a red one? I'll just take the one that's closest to me. Is it a red one or a clear one? The clear one, please. All right, here you go.

We're going to open these. So we got something sent like this a while ago that had like little tiny miniature versions of those action ball games. But these are from the same person who sent the worthless snacks, yeah? If you want to know who that person was,

listen to the, was it the long walk? Last Days of Summer. No, no, it wasn't. It was the episode where we did the walk along the longest linear park in London.

It's the longest linear park in London, yeah. See someone had gone on that very same walk on Twitter. Yeah, that was cool. Right, I'm opening this egg up.

Oh, it's a little, I think it's a little, I can always get this wrong. I'm always told off online. Pachinko? Pachinko? The gambling game. No, you're dropping little balls.

Look, see, it's... Oh, it's a miniature pachinko machine. Yeah, look. Oh, you've got a much better one than me. Well, you might have a good one. I don't know. This seems to be something similar. This is like a model vending machine, is it?

Of some sort. Oh, is it a replica of a vending machine? Yeah, look. Yeah, look. Oh, that's nice. I actually like that. But look at this one. You see, you get the little, you fire the balls up. Oh, that's cool.

I think it's got a little stand on and stuff. Oh yeah, it does. It has a little spring action. Does it have real balls? It has real little balls in there. It has three in and a little thing to lock it in. You have to construct this as well, don't you? Yeah, hang on, I'll do it. You've got your own. Do you want to swap? Do you want the Pinchinko and I'll have the vending machine?

What do you want to do? I need to construct this. How difficult will this be to construct? We could take a break and come back. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Well, that's great.

We're going to take a break and come back once we've fixed our balls. Hey! Yeah. Come on, press the fucking button. Let's make the fucking things. And we're back from our model-making exercise, which was a shit show.

It was a shit show for you. I had a really lovely little time. Eli, I lost my balls. You certainly did. They came with the tiniest balls I've ever seen. Now, we should explain to everyone, Paul. I've seen yours. No, don't you remember the trope, Paul?

What? My balls are actually... Oh, quite large. Relative to the grain of rice lying on top of the... Yeah, like a caterpillar sitting between two big beanbags. I like it. Yeah. Now...

So, we opened up our pods, we made the little toy inside, and Eli, describe yours. I have a miniature penis. Funny, is it? Just to say, oh, yeah, he's got a small dick. You know what? We were just talking about your fashion. I'm a sexual person, Paul.

Okay? And I don't want to preclude just from this nonsense I do with you every week for people to think I'm some kind of sexual, you know, someone who can't perform. Because I tell you right now. Go on. I can perform. Prove it. I'm not that old.

Prove it how? I don't know. Smoking your mouth? No. From across the room? If you could do that, I'll give you a medal. If you lay on the floor, I could definitely get a jet. You're right, they're going to like that.

My mouth is open for your great gift. I hope your spirit in me does live. I'm sorry about this, everybody. I'll cross my tongue. If I face down, splash on my bum. Oh, holy life, splash upon my soul. I'm going to put my hand up, everyone. I think for everyone's sake, I'm putting my hand up now.

I agree. Yes. Now, Paul, in my little gachapon pod, soul. I'm going to put my hand up, everyone. I think, for everyone's sake, I'm putting my hand up now. I agree. Yes. Now, Paul, in my little Gachapon pod, if that's the terminology. I don't know. I got a toy made by Bandai. Yeah. They're very famous, aren't they? Yes.

More famous than Tomy? Yes. Because? Yes. They did the original Pac-Man, is that right? Namco. Ah. What did Bandai do?

I think they did Transformers. They did Transformers. That's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. I'm sure they've done much other things that people will tell us in the comments, but for the all of the sake of this moment in the podcast. Chet's Farb. Transformers.

It's funny because there's a little Pac-Man sort of type character there on this, which may have confused me. Yes. But that's just like a gobbling pod. Oh, I like your light changes colour. Yeah. Is that a special smart bulb? Yeah, it's got all the colours in. Oh, but it goes into like a gobbling pod. Oh, I like your light changes colour. Yeah. Is that a special smart bulb? Yeah, it's got all the colours in.

Oh, but it goes into a normal lamp. Yeah. They think, oh, that's all right, isn't it? Yeah, I'm doing it. Where'd you get that? I bought the lamp was a... Keep it on purple for me. You betcha.

Put it on purple. I like that, but not undulating because it distracts me. No, it's not undulating anymore. It's just purple. Okay. Now, it was a Bandai product I got in my gachapon pod, Paul. And it was a little miniature gachapon vending machine. I fucking love it.

And it fucking works. Now, you had to put together little gachapons. Little tiny pods. Which came in two halves. What's that stuff called? Oh, yeah. I know what you mean. They're in a lattice.

I had to pop it out of the plastic lattice. And then it has a little stand, like a chair stand sort of thing. And it has a little chute that hangs, an undercarriage sort of chute. Yeah. Dispenser. Yeah. And a little see-through top cabinet bit where the gadget points it. Yeah, we're all aware of what these kind of things look like.

I'm just trying to give some colour, local colour. And it has a little... Now, try this. I'll go. It fucking works. Twist it. It's got an actual twisting... So, yeah, like a gumball...

Careful, don't lose my gachapon when it pops out. I'm going to roll it into my hand like this. Like this. Because I want to be able to get some purchase on it. Right. So, like a gumball machine, I turn the handle. Turn it, yeah. Crank the handle.

I don't know. Oh, I can feel the click. I think it works either way. Or maybe you have to do it the other way. No, I think it is this way. One came out for me. It's because you're holding it stupid. I'm not holding it stupid at all.

Give it here. Give the thing to me. Okay, there we go. It came out of my hand. There you go. Give the thing to me. Okay, here we go. It came out of my hand. There you go. There you go. Oh, yeah, it's a little pod. Yeah, half red and half transparent.

Yeah. Oh, what a lovely thing. Oh, it's come off. I'll reconstruct it, Paul. Tell them about your toy, which isn't quite as good, but that's the luck of the draw. I've snapped it. You fucking better not have.

Stop breaking. Give me the gashapon. Jesus. I fucking can't have. Don't break it! Give me the gas upon. Jesus. I fucking can't have nice things around you. I got a little miniature pachinko machine that came with so small balls. So small the balls. So small the balls.

Oh, so small the balls. Oh, so small the balls. They were tiny and literally one rolled out of my hand. Gone. One rolled out of my hand. Gone. Can't find it anywhere. They're very small pachinko balls. They were tiny and literally one rolled out of my hand, gone. One rolled out of my hand, gone. Can't find it anywhere. They're very small pachinko balls. But Eli, who's used to looking for small things

in the dark, found this instantly and I put it in and it yeah, it's not great but it looks nice. I think it's a nice little pachinko thing. It looks nice. It looks like a tiny miniature little, you know, ball bearing, firing. But Paul, do you know those are like fruit machines? Yes. They're gambling machines. Yeah, I know. So I thought you just, you don't fruit machines? Yes. They're gambling machines. Yeah, I know.

So I thought you just, you don't approve of that. It's not that. I mean, I like the concept. It's like that tech moment's got a few. He goes, I don't care for what it's used for.

He likes the machinery of it. He likes the sound. He likes the machines. Yeah. Yes. So yeah, it's a nice little thing. So I've managed to find

one of the balls, slip it back in, put it in the collection, draw at the bottom. But I think it works. It's functional, but it's just so fiddly, isn't it? I think it's, you know, no one's really playing pachinko with this.

It's just to go on your little sideboard, isn't it? Yes. Basically, the Bandai thing's a bit better, though, isn't it? No, it's much better. It's a lovely thing. I like it a lot more. It's a lovely little thing. And I'll be nicking it from your bedroom the next time we record in your house. Okay, which might be never.

I'll be there one day. Lurking. Yeah, you'll be lying there in bed on a stormy night, right? And you're lying in the dark and you're woken up by a disturbance, but you look around the room and it's dark and it looks fine, but then lightning flashes up the room

very briefly. In the corner, you see me standing there at the bottom of your bed, just very quickly, with the flash of lightning, with the rictus grid on my face and our hand pointing to you saying stop the material Eli stop the material but then but then

the lightning strikes again Eli this time you don't see me and I'm not at the end of your bed and you hear a hee hee hee hee then you wake up the next day

and guess what that's gone fucking terrifying really yeah anyway that's that segment done yeah very nice.

Thank you again for sending those. What did you think of the plum thing? They were grim in a weird way. Mostly everything was fine apart from the sour vinegary grim bite, whatever that was. They're plums. I'm sure they're plums.

Probably, yeah. Great stuff. Not for me. Little salted plum. Yeah, because I like olives. I'm not against olives. It's not anything like an olive. Kind of.

It just resembles... It has the similar flavour profile. Absolutely not. It tastes like a plum. Eli. It doesn't... You can't just hold your hand up every time. I don't like what you're hearing.

What I hear. Yeah, I'm going to put my hand up. Right, let's take a break and we're going to come back for drinks. Ooh. Is Juicy Jeremy coming? Juicy Jeremy does not know where I live. I mean, when I was coming over here...

Yeah? I did see his jalopy. It was... It's got these green and red lights that go off and he's sort of on a megaphone. Oh, no. I think he was in the area anyway. Hello? Oh, hello, boys.

Are you in there? Yeah, come in. Oh, hello, boys. My boys. Hi, Paul. How are you feeling, buddy? Good. Got any drinks for us?

Bye. Keep it this short. Oh, well. We don't really have anything to do with your character this week, so let's just do the formalities and then get you out. Okay, well, I am in a bit of a hurry. I'm doing my rounds. My old Saudi rounds, boys.

So I'll just quickly drop these off, because I really am in a bit of a rush today. So I am. Have you seen Willy Wonka yet? Willy Wonka? Willy Wanker. Willy Wanker. Have you seen him lately

he's been missing he's not been returning phone calls i haven't heard from him cool he hasn't sent me a telegram or an old timey letter sealed with a wax old timey how you feeling paul my boy not doing that this week um're going to move on now I'm just going to drop these off quickly because I have to go and you two you don't don't forget

to give me the scores on the soda doors what's all this then who's that who's this I got some drinks for you oh

I see you've got something I'll go who's this fella here he's got a very silly voice and I don't I don't know who that is.

I don't know why he's here. I don't much care for his voice. You told me he wasn't going to be here today. And I'm thirsty, Philip. He's who? I've made a bit of a faux pas over here. You're going to have to go, mate. Just go.

I don't like the look of that fella or the cut of his jibber-jibber-jibber. Yeah, don't worry about him. He's gone. Don't worry about him. I don't want to see that that fella or the cut of his jibber jib jib. Yeah, don't worry about him. Okay. He's gone. Don't worry about him. I don't want to see that type of fella coming round here

and then putting out sodipops for you guys to taste. We've all got this in the old writing in the old Tommy contract. You only taste a sodipop of old. What the fuck's his character called again? We can wrap this up now, mate. We can wrap this up. You mate. We can wrap this up.

You won't listen to me, boy. Just give the drinks and sod off. Juicy Jeremy, that's my name. Yeah. I got it down in blood. Oh, God.

I'll just drop these off then. Yes. Are you all right, Paul? I'm in a new body. It's all weird. Oh, I can see that. My fingernails are still

moving around on my fingertips it's weird i'll have to make a note of that so you've been reincorporated have you yeah so all that stuff you did in your drinks has now been uh ingrained into my dna i'd imagine oh that's well i'll have a new uh bunch of sody pups which I will reject slightly. I just got to get back to the old timey land. It's nice to see you once again. Oh, and I'll just let myself out, boys. JC Jammerly. No, it's Juicy Jeremy.

Yeah, that's what I said. JC Jammerly. Oh, no. JC Jammerly. He was my old granddaddy. Juicy Jallemy. Jallemy be juicy like Judy's be.

Okay. You're talking about Jalapali Gemini. Eli and and juicy. What am I doing right now? Look at me. He's raising his hand

to me Eli. What does that mean? I don't know juicy. Perhaps you'll leave. Perhaps you should leave. Perhaps you leave. No but I am fascinated with all your relatives

like you know Jalopy, Jalusamy and Gemini. I'm not. Jennifer, Juniper, Gemini. We're not. I speak on behalf of the audience. We don't. Just so you know, Jallapy, Jalusamee and Gemini. I'm not. Jennifer, Juniper, Gemini. We're not. I speak on behalf of the audience. We don't.

All right, just so you know. All right, well, I'll tell you about my family tree another time, boys. I've got to get back in the old Jallapy. Woo! Sodie is my life. Oh, God. Oh, Sodie.

My boys. My boys, my boys. God almighty. He's gone right so close the door at least so my neighbours don't think I'm a massive psychopath

so so what drinks he left he was full of life wasn't he yes what drinks did he bring he brought

firstly yeah let's get this one out the way you're mad keen for this I'm mad keen for this now we tried on the show Paul yeah

Sting it It's a Vietnamese... Oh, God. It's a Vietnamese drink made by Pepsi and we tried their strawberry flavoured one. And it was nice. We used it in a cocktail, didn't we, eventually? Yeah, we did. In the cheap show

7 Year Birthday Cocktail Show. The 7 Year Twitch, yes. We did it there. On YouTube, right now. It was quite nice as a mixer. It's very yes. We did it there. On YouTube right now. It was quite nice as a mixer. It's very sweet. It's all right. It's a soft drink. But this, I asked in the shop,

which sells me my fucking legit Thai Red Bull stubbies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like Pepsi doing a Red Bull copy. Look, you've got the little Pepsi copy. Yeah, I see it. But it's the same brand Sting, like a scorpion incorporated into the logo. Yeah. Why didn't they do a bee Sting, do you think? Because bee, Yeah, I see it. But it's the same brand sting, like a scorpion incorporated into the logo.

Yeah. Why didn't they do a bee sting, do you think? Because bee, honey, energy, buzzing, maybe. They went for a scorpion. It's dangerous. It's dangerous, yeah.

I think scorpions are used medicinally as well in the Far East. What other things sting? Jellyfish. Why not have a jellyfish on it? Again, not as sexy, is it? Not as dynamic.

Well, I don't know. I find them sexy. Put a jellyfish on my knob. Yeah. Balls, balls, balls. Falls, falls, falls. Yeah, is it? Not as dynamic. Well, I don't know. I find them sexy. Put a jellyfish on my knob. Yeah. Balls, balls, balls. Falls, falls, falls. Yeah, that's the noise you make. Out comes the grumble.

Fomy, foamy. Yeah, out comes all the grumble. And then what? And then you have to get... Took it in the bin. Seek medical attention. What do you mean, yeah? You enjoy the engorgement for a bit.

You enjoy the engorgement for a bit. Even though my balls and penis look like a... Oh, hold off, nurse. Hold off with the lancing, nurse. I'm enjoying the engorgement even though my balls and penis look like a hold off nurse i'm enjoying the engorgement yeah oh your penis looks like a bunch of grapes great it's how i want it to look like a fruit bowl that's been stamped on i'm afraid mr gannon where you're gonna have to lance your fruity cock end off well i pays the price now Now, yes. So this is, and I asked, ginseng. Do you remember on the strawberry, this is a can. And notice this is like a golden can,

which is obviously trying to replicate the Red Bull. Why are you looking at this? Because I'm thinking of a character. Oh, no. And his name is Gin. No, Jim Sing. Oh, no. And his name is Jim.

No, Jim Sing. I sing for you. I'm Jimmy Sing. You're Jimmy Sing. I sing anything for you. It's another fucking character with Jim in the name. Please no more Jims. I'm holding it up to myself.

He's holding the hand up to himself. I'm doing it. Now, Paul. Yeah. So this is essentially a Red Bull clone. Yes. Made by Pepsi, but their little thing is ginseng. Yes.

Is the extra thing that Red Bull does not contain ginseng. No. But this has caffeine and taurine and sugar. Is it a cola drink? No, it's a Red Bull. Okay. It's an energy drink. So it's not taurine based? It is taurine and caffeine based.

Okay. But they've also got ginseng in it. Right. Now, ginseng in it. Right. Now ginseng is widely used herb. Do you know what it does for you? Gives you heart. Gives you froth. Gives you roots.

Isn't it always one of those knock off Viagra pills you get in pub lavatories? Where it's like the little blue pill full of ginseng and vitamin D, F and X. It's good for reproductive health, they say. Is it? Gets you fucking right rigid. But it isn't like Spanish flea or whatever they call that stuff,

which actually does make you, irritates you. Yeah, gives it a tingle. That's why you can't get the dick down because your dick

is sort of infected with an itchy stuff. they put that on condoms. They have a cream they put on some condoms which is called like a sustainer to give it a tingle

so you can last longer when you're having sex. I did it once. I really don't recommend it. No, it's not good because you are actually eating. It's like having sex with a bunch of nettles.

It's like rubbing chilli on it or something like that. Do you know what I mean? Or like, no, it's worse than actually getting that tea tree oil on it because that's just bracing. This is like seriously fucking a wet bag of nettle leaves.

Yeah, well, that isn't what ginseng is meant to do. Ginseng is meant to have sort of the minerals and what so ever. What is that food supplement you take to get all splashy? Or get proper produced like a splash? Stop it! Magnesium, is it? It's magnesium. Is it?

Yeah, you take a bunch. Really? Is that why they use it in porn actors because apparently if you have a lot of it it makes your cum all creamy on camera

that's right it makes it thicker and it makes it pop more on screen magnesium yeah they do they take food supplements to get their fucking

cum all fucking rich and thick how about we just fucking lob a can of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup all over her? How about that for visual clarity? No, that's very grey.

Have you seen a mushroom soup? Stunt spunk! Get the stunt spunk in! Pull out, sir! Stunt spunk is a thing, obviously. Is it? Yeah. Stunt spunk.

Come on, you've seen porn where it's like, come on, mate. You've got the wallpaper paste. Yeah, you've splashed your bucket all over her. Right. Yeah. All of this talk about spunk has made me thirsty. Shall we try this?

I hope that's used in one of those out of context cheap show Twitter accounts. Tell you what, we've got two empty glasses and two cans.

How about you pour some for me and you drink from the can and then we'll swap. I'll drink from the can and you pour from the cup so we don't have to contaminate these glasses. What did you mean?

What? You pour some in here and I drink and you drink from the can. For the second drink, you'd pour from the cup so we don't have to contaminate these glasses. What did you mean? What? You pour some in here and I drink and you drink from the can. For the second drink, you pour some in the thing and I'll drink from the can. Yeah, so we don't have to get loads of glasses. Pour it in here. Okay, I've opened it. It's got a very generic Red Bull scent. Red Bull

knock-off scent. It smells like the Red Bull. In America, sometimes they I've seen they had Red Bull sort of on the fountain. What's it called? The gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen that? When they've got the knock they had Red Bull on the fountain. What's it called? The gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen that where they've got the knock-off Red Bull on the gun? That's vile.

That's terrible. But doesn't it have that smell? It has the smell of every other... Of cheap knock-off Red Bull. That's what you get from Tesco's or Sainsbury's. Do you have enough there? No, this is enough. The niff is very poor.

The niff is the niff. It's like if you smelt a Red Bull, you smelt one of these. Oh, that's so sweet. Very sweet. Syrupy. It doesn't have the Mediterranean aftertaste as much as a result. I'll say that for it. But...

It's not as astringently sort of medically as Red Bull. No, it's fine. If you don't like that hard medical edge to Red Bull, then this might be for you. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Fine. But it has that sort of Pepsi emptiness, doesn't it?

Yeah. That kind of strong flavour, but then after a while, it's too sweet to enjoy. Completely falls off. Yeah. And all you've got is the sweet. Well, since it's Pepsi, let's do versus Coke then with our second drink.

Can I talk about this one? So, you know on Cheap Show, right, we've done a few of these. In the past, we did the Marshmallow DJ one, which is watermelon and strawberry. Then the one before that was space flavoured. Cosmic. Which tasted of like... It was cosmic. It's not one before that was space flavoured. Cosmic. Which tasted of It was cosmic. It's not called space coke. Whatever it was. Cosmic. Whatever it was called.

Cosmic coke. I don't think it was called cosmic coke. Galactic. Cosmic. Was it? No, it was cosmic. I think it was galactic. I don't care. I don't care. Never look back. Eli, never look back. Right. So we've done two of the tins already. These are a series of special edition sugar-free cokes thatins already these are a series of special edition uh sugar-free

cokes that they're doing as a sort of bid the the range of these are called coca-cola creations creations so that's the kind of let's shove this onto the shelves for a bit and see if people take to it and they're all in the red bull can format the sort of now there's no artist associated with this with the first one there was a female singer that you could watch on an augmented reality thing. With the DJ Marshmallow, we couldn't get it to work, so I don't know what that was. DJ Marshmallow, it was DJ Marshmallow, wasn't it? Yeah, but I wasn't... And it was called DJ Marshmallow, but it was meant to be strawberry and something flavor.

Watermelon. Fucking bullshit. Anyway. That was a terrible... That was even worse than the Galactic. I'm not... And what's this one? Have you even mentioned?

Okay, I'll tell you right now. This is just called Dream World. It doesn't even tell you what flavor it's affecting so this is going to be a mystery doesn't say anything about the flavor it takes dreams interesting floral notes lemon notes lemon almost that's a citrus note yeah but like flower yeah you know what i mean like lemon grass kind of i don't know lemon grass okay i'll have my own little huff report coming up for you. It's coat-coloured. It is coat-coloured. Not a good head of fizz on it. It's got a good fizz on it, I will say that for it. Oh, yes. See what I mean?

It's almost an elderflower, isn't it? It's something grassy. It's a grassy... And you know what it reminds me of? You remember that Fanta flavour with the flower? That new fact that only came out? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That we tried? Yeah. Let's have a go at this.

Oh, fucking God. Can I have a look at the can? Yeah. What are you thinking on the flavour notes? That tastes like a very bad melted down lollipop. You know,

like a chirp of chips that's been boiled down to a drink or something. It's got that same profile of like a boiled sweet. But it's not very herbally when you drink it. It takes more strawberry,

doesn't it? Yeah, there's none of the nuance that it has on the nose. None of that floral, herbal... It would be nicer. The nose is much better than the mouth. I wonder if it'd be nicer

if it wasn't sugar-free because the flavour's not uninteresting. It's just that it has that Diet Coke aftertaste which kind of ruins it all. It's awful. It really doesn't go. It's okay. it has that Diet Coke aftertaste, which kind of ruins it all. It's awful. It really doesn't go.

It's okay. I think I prefer it to the DJ Marshmallow one. If I had to rank them, maybe this one is the most interesting. Certainly, you know. It's their best effort so far, we think, maybe. Yeah. But does it taste like a dream to you, Eli? Not really.

A surrealist, gargarist dream. But that's it. I was going to say, the artwork is actually quite good on this, isn't it? Yeah. It's quite striking. It is like a... It's a bit of...

Like a Dali painting. A bit of Dali, a bit of Picasso. A bit of Picasso, obviously, but there's a bit of sort of, yeah, a 20th century sort of art sort of feel to it. Pop art as well.

A bit modernist, a bit pop art, a bit surreal, yeah. A bit 80s stroke 90s almost. And also a bit sort of what they call... What do they call that stuff Cum

No something wave Cum wave You know that liminal video wave What's it called Cool wave Yes Yes wave Heat wave

Street wave Wave race Zero wave Wave wave wave wave You're such an old twat What is it called That genre of music Scanty wave

It's not called Scanty Wave. God. Vague Wave. Why am I getting blasted by the sun? Don't raise your arm. The gorillas are out. Fuck me. I'm going to fucking give my hair a bit of a...

Anyway, I'd give that a three out of five. And then the first one, I'd give a two and a half out of five. Cool Wave. Cool Wave? Synth Wave. Synth Wave? Wave Wave. Wave Race.

Race Man. Glitch Wave Glitch Man What is that fucking called? Those sort of album covers Where they use a bit of Sort of 90s clip art Or whatever Give us your scores on those

I've given mine Two and a half on Sting Three on Coca-Cola Out of ten Out of five Out of five Out of ten or out of five? Five

If you want me to do out of ten I don't want it I'll give four to Sting And six to Coca-Cola I would give the Coca- and 6 to Coca-Cola. I would give the Coca-Cola. 5 to Coca-Cola. Out of 10.

5. Out of 20? Let's not keep moving. Let's give it a grade. A percentage grade, yeah, out of 100. Okay, how about I give it a sound? So Coca-Cola, here's the sound I think to describe it. Ho-wa-la-la.

Okay, and then the Sting is a pa-pa-pa-pa-pa. Okay, now, do I get to make a sound? Yes. Okay. For the Coke, Paul, do I get to make a sound? Yes. Okay. For the Coke, Paul, I'm going to go with... Oh, edgy. And for the sting, Red Bull, I'm going to go with... Yeah, no, I agree. I agree.

Very salient points. No, they're both pretty disgusting, actually. Good. Right, we're going to go to our final segment. But I need to, I need to give a score because Juicy Jeremy will be you know. I'm going to stop this any second because it's 17 minutes and I'm trying to keep this tight. Listen

I'm looking. I'll step in since he's not around and gone. What's the scores? I'll pass them on. You're not in communication with Juicy Jeremy, are you thirsty Phil? Oh yeah, we talk all the time. Really? He didn't seem to know you when he was here before. No, he got my number. Look.

We talk on WhatsApp. Why do you look like you're in some sort of your pyjamas? Are you living in the copy character club? I've just popped out to say hello. What are you... What, you've got cheese all around your mouth? So you say two pounds for that? Why have you got cheese, soft cheese all around your mouth?

We order cheese in. You're having a cheese evening in the copy character club? We have a cheese wagon that comes by every... You've got a cheese evening in the copycat club. We have a cheese wagon that comes by every Thursday. You've got a cheese wagon? Thursday come round here. Get out, thirsty Phil. What's your score? The Coca-Cola I'd give two out of five and the Sting I'd give three out of five.

That's what Paul gave you, prick. No, I'm in agreement with Paul. Anyway, I wasn't paying attention. Bye. Bye. And that's the end of that segment. Paul. Yes. It's been a bit fractious.

So I found this book about friends. Oh. It's got a little teddy bear in relief. Yeah. Almost living inside the book cover. And I just found something in here. Yeah. It moved me.

Okay. Yeah. And I just wanted to share it with you. My friend, Paul Gannon. Okay. Go for it, my good friend. We should abide by this. Go on. We should abide by this. Go on. I think we should abide

by this statement about our friendship. I think so. Because it's true. It's true. Here is something, a little thing about friendship. You don't know what concise is, do you? You don't know how to be concise. I do. What about this? What about this? Cunt. No, you see? We're getting fractious again.

Is that concise? Right. Concise. Concise. Pack your cunt up with ice. No, friendship, mate. Friendship. Not putting ice cubes in people's holes, right? Where were you going? Popping it.

The hand's going to come up. I can feel it. No, just read the fucking book. Paul. Yes. Friendship has a special meaning. Yeah. I think we have this special meaning between us. When you have someone with

whom to share tears. I'm getting a headache. Tears. That's the tears. Yeah. And laughter. Ha ha ha ha. Fears. Ooh. Ooh. And dreams. The Coca-Cola we had. Ooh. Ooh, my mum's dress is batman

and silence when the time for words is past yeah that was the awkward moment after you said my mum's dress is batman that was a dream when the time for words is past what does that mean it's those moments we share Paul

when we've stopped talking and we've stopped going on about spank and boff knees and Japanese three of fucking this fucking this that book and then there's a silence let's have a moment of silence no before i stick both my hands inside your mum's box god right yeah i have a right scrummage in there as well all right fucking i'm gonna get my fucking elbows deep i'm gonna get my vet gloves on you're gonna introduce this box to your gorillas. Is that what's going to happen? Dancing gorillas.

It's horrible. What do you want to do? You want to have a moment of silence? There we go. Hey, stop grabbing your mum's box away from me. I've got to protect my mum's box and the likes of you. I'm getting both hands in. Right.

Bit of backstory, just to reframe this again. It's not her actual box, everybody. It is. It's my mum's box and the likes of you. I'm getting both hands in. Right. Bit of backstory, just to reframe this again. It's not her actual box, everybody. It is. It's my mum's box. No. My mum had a box. It's a box that she packed. Yes.

It now belongs to you, Paul. My mum sent it to me on my birthday and it's full of stuff she thought would be good. But when I called her up to thank her for it, I said, oh, what a box of shit.

Ha ha. She got upset by that. Oh, you should have said that. She got really weepy on the phone to me. Oh, no. So, come on. I apologise to mummy. thank her for it i said oh what a box of shit ha ha she got upset by that and then like she got really weepy on the phone to me oh no come on i apologize to mommy i apologize to mommy but we've made up since and uh i'm sure she'll listen to this and uh witness my apology to the masses paul i feel kind of bad about referring to her box and stuff like that well that's on you isn't it that's not on me it is on you that's on you, isn't it? That's not on me. It is on you. It's on you. You should have said

thank you very much for the box. It was great, Mark. I did in the end. Yeah, in the end. Exactly. How much emotional capital are you spending by just fucking fake it?

Don't call it a box of shit. It's not a box of shit. I can see from here it's not a box of shit. It is. I mean, it's full of stuff. I'll be the judge of that. It's like my mum

ran into the works grabbed what she could and then ran out in a minute's time it's like supermarket sweep what we got first i thought it was a po box delivery it was so kind of on cheap show brand so go on here we go here's a box grab what you can we're not going to do everything because there's fucking tons of stuff did it come to the po box no it came here obviously scoot the box over on the table right as i say we're doing everything, so just have a little rummage. We've got traditional tiddlywinks. Oh, with a little tug. That's awful.

Awful. Oh, it's an elf mankini. It's just a mankini. The one that you saw bar out there. No, you get a hat. Yeah, no, you don't get a hat with it. You don't even get the fucking elf's hat. No, there's nothing in there that suggests elf, other than the fact... So I stick this on? Mate, I've already put that on. With actual ball contact

hasn't it? Yeah. So if I sniff I'm getting a No, it was only on brief. Don't sniff my crotch. It was in there at moments.

Oh, I'm looking for cheese chases. There's no cheese chases. I'm getting it on mate. Get it on. How does this go? You've got to have to put your legs through.

I don't know if it even matters which way you do it. Hang on. There's no way to put your legs through. I don't know if it even matters which way you do it. Hang on. There you go. Put your legs through there. There we go. They're in. Hey!

That's quite supportive. It's quite supportive, yeah. That's quite nice. You've got to pack your nuts in, otherwise they spread out the side and you look like a HR guy. Good creation. This is a very bad thing.

So, yeah. Box of shit living up to its title. But I did wear that completely naked other than, you know, just wore that. Nothing else. And then what did you do?

I went to my partner and I went, ha ha ha, she went, ha ha ha, take it off. Yeah. It's not very flattering,

is it? No. What else we got in here? A big badge. Jumbo birthday badge. Jumbo birthday badge. That's a terrible thing. Isn't it?

I don't want any of this so far. Good. Next. We've got to roar through this. Rubber ducks. Oh, they're quite nice. Little mini rubber ducks.

A pack of four. That's quite nice. Polka dot. Different kind of ones. They look nice on a shelf or a nice trendy bath student bathtub. Oh, this is

puzzles. Mini puzzles, Paul. Basically, it's four sets of tiny Connect Four games. Fucking, that's not a puzzle. It's the kind of thing you'd put into a party bag. You know what I mean? It's that puzzles, Paul. Basically, it's four sets of Tiny Connect 4 games. Fucking hell, that's not a puzzle. It's the kind of thing you'd put into a party bag. It's that kind of thing. Now, we've had one of these twisty worms before.

Yes, I used one on Digitizer. It's a felt twisty worm. I can't remember that character's name anymore, but it was Sebastian. So that's another Sebastian. You don't like wiggly worms? Wait, wait, wait, you don't like wiggly worms? Twisty worms. One of those ones.

I don't like twisty worms. You badgered me a while don't like wiggly worms? Twisty worms. One of those ones. You don't like... I don't like twisty worms. Didn't you badger me a while ago to get one? I've got a twisty worm on my wall. Have you? You've got a twisty worm in the gusset of that fucking mankini. Oh, sitting snug in the gusset of the elf mankini. Sleeping in the fabric hammock.

Oh, fellow. Cussled in with his beak protruding through the fabric. I'm waiting for the hand, Paul. I need the hand sometimes. How about just the finger we'll do for now? Oh, the bird. Then you've got stretchy men.

Are these little stretch Armstrongs? No, they're not. You throw them at the wall and they go bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk because of friction. Yeah, and you know what? My partner thought it'd be funny to stick onto the wall

to see how long it stuck for. And it stained the wall. That's right. You can see the four nublets on the wall there. The four nublets on the wall. The The four nubblets on the wall. The four stained nubblets. Elf Mancini,

rubby rub rub. It's why you're meant to do them on windows really because they will ruin your paint work if you have them in the house. There's loads of these little... Yeah.

See what I mean? Party bag favour, party favour bag stuff. They're terrible. Terrible. Although they do work, I can vouch for the fact that they do a tumble

down the glass. Yeah, but they stain paint. So you should really not. Mini Jenga. Mini Jenga. That's all you can say really. Mini Jenga. But obviously it's called Tower Stack because Jenga is a copyrighted name.

Yeah, that's copyrighted. But they never actually copyrighted the game, interestingly enough. Nublet, niblet, nablet, noob. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Help me. Stop that. Ooh, ooh. This mankini

doesn't have an effect on you I feel free do you feel sexy in it I feel fucking frictioning yeah you can feel

like the gusset being it's like my shoulders are supporting my nutsack you could build in a poultice into that you could so fucking slip a poultice in

right easy right easy you just little attachment to the bottom put that poultice in the sink getting nice and wet

and then I'll slip in my little bikini. Right in. Ooh, ointment going to work. Oinkment, more like, with you. This is a Corn Flakes jigsaw. Yeah, it comes in a little mini Corn Flakes box. I'm quite discouraged. We're halfway through the box and I have...

Mate, how do you think I felt on my birthday? A hugely humorous inflatable girlfriend. Yes, get it out. I'll tell you why it's not that good. Because it's a fucking joke rather than an actual

working sex toy. Yeah, it's not a sex toy type inflatable girlfriend. It is a teeny tiny, teeny tiny toy. It's not even a balloon. It's not even a bikini. It's awful.

Earth-destroying crap destroying crap i mean that really is pure landfill crap that goes on your office mate's desk for a week for his birthday and you think ha ha ha gary hasn't got a girlfriend yeah it's his birthday he's been working in accounts for five years and this is how we treat him balancing chairs now i don't think i've seen that before you know retro games me and my partner played that on my birthday yeah as a joke we got really into it that's quite good then is it yeah you just balance these chairs on top of each other oh yeah and you think at the start you think there's not much to this but then when you start actually getting to a certain height you go oh now the skill was in yeah so now the game turns on or pickup sticks it's or it's a sort of family of games that have that kind of... Like kind of Bookaroo

without the mechanical elements. But mate, I would rather play that. That looks quite good, actually. I'd rather play that than Jenga. Really? Yeah, I think so. Jenga gets a bit boring. Jenga, you know, it's fine. But what I really liked about that balancing chair, it's basically a big box full of plastic little plastic chairs of different

designs, which means they stack slightly differently as a result. I didn't notice that. I thought they were all identical. That's good as well. So you can link them, you connect them, you can balance them.

So there's different types that obviously interact in different ways. And basically like Jenga, the last one who puts a thing on that causes the tower to topple loses. They lose.

Fun. Really? That looks good. That's probably the best thing so far. Is that the best thing in the box? We got the most mileage out of that, put it that way.

It was playable. Bendy Reading Lamp Man. Yeah. probably the best thing so far. Is that the best thing in the box? We got the most mileage out of that, put it that way. It was playable. Bendy Reading Lamp Man. Yeah. It's a little reading... It's a... What is it? It's like a little plastic lamp. You slip it onto your book

and it shines a little LED light onto the page. And his arms hold the page. So good for reading on a plane or if your partner doesn't want to be disturbed. Or in bed. Some people have issues with that.

Yeah, or if you drive at night. You never read in bed, do you? No, I don't like to read disturbed. Or in bed. Some people have issues with that. Yeah, or if you're driving at night. You never read in bed, do you? No, I don't like to read before bed. I like to put a podcast on and just let their thoughts invade mine and replace all the dark shit with their whimsy. There's a box in a box down here. Oh, what's that? What's what?

Stick on moustache. Hey, I'll put one on. No, you have to read out what they are. These are six different types of moustache. You, I'll put one on. No, you have to read out what they are. These are six different types of moustache. You've got the charlatan. What does that mean? That's not a type of moustache. It's ginger.

Okay. The rogue. Let's have a look. The Casanova. Twisty. Okay. I mean, I'd prefer the fucking charlatan. Which one should I wear right now for you, Eli?

The party boy. Right, here we go. Give me party boy. This is a terrible thing. Give me party boy. Do we go this is a terrible thing give me party boy do you remember a few years ago there was a whole thing

about mustaches being sort of inherently party boy shit I want to do the bandit well give can I have the Casanova then please I actually have

a lot of hair on my top lip as we speak you don't need a moustache I still don't want to be left out here alright I'm going for the bandit

which is like the stereotypical... Yeah. It's got a bit of tape on the back. Take the tape off. What do you want? Did you want the... The Casanova.

I think you'd suit the Casanova. The Casanova is quite a twirly one. Grey. How do you get this off? I don't know. This is utter crap. There's no way. There's no place for me to pull the sticky tape.

I'm trying to find it. I can't find the separation between sticky and backing. I can't get it to pop off. I can't do it. Oh, this is a piece of shit. This is awful. Hang on. Wait, no, I've done it. Here we go. How did you do it? I kind of just folded it and rolled it. What do you think? I'm going to do the rest of the podcast.

It's quite snug. It fits you quite snugly. I'm going to look in the mirror. Hang on. You know what I look like? Des Liner. Don't I? Or a sports presenter. It looks quite sort of sinister, I have to say. I've got to say, Gary, I watched the match and I thought the up front were a little bit lacking, but the defence was

alright on the night, but at the end of the day, if you haven't got a good goalie, what are you going to do with it? Those balls keep coming at you, keep coming at you, keep coming at you. Can you open my moustache, please? I'll open your moustache wide. I'm still wearing this Elf Mankini, so I'm going for the double. I mean, we're getting something out of this.

Double nugget trampolines. Oh, well done. Does it go, which way around does it go? I don't know. That way, yeah. Yeah. You can just about pull it off.

What do you think? Oh, God. You know? Oh, I look like a seal's arsehole or something. I look like a walrus. Yeah, you look a bit like one of those Disney walruses, you see. This is terrible. I tell you, Gary, the up front, the defence.

The up front? Stop saying that. The attack. The referee was completely off book. He let a man go in the offside rule. Yes, there was a lot of mango and a lot of plums. Plums falling down the off leg. And you used to roll them.

When I was a boy, Johnson. Johnson boy, they used to call me. We've lost Eli. We've just lost him. Stop banging your mic. The rolling. They used to say to me, hello, where are your plums rolling off to? I say, on down the off side,

the off stump. Right, and the last thing is a smelly science box. I'm ripping this off. I'm ripping it off. Which has some stinky tubes in it. And we'll do this for a patron, I reckon. So we'll do this. Can't we have stinky tubes now?

No, I don't want to do stinky tubes here. Let's see the stinky tubes. It's just a little science kit where you can make a little smell bomb. That's more of a visual thing. It's more of a visual thing. So we'll do that on Patreon for the top tier, the visual episode. Oh, that's good. Watch us make poo smells.

Yes, in Eli's house, not this one. Oh, I see. Because mommy will kill me. Okay, fair enough. I don't mind making poo smells. So there you go. That was in the box. Okay, fair enough. I don't mind making poo smells. So there you go. That was in the box. We burnt through it.

I would like those ducks. You can have those ducks. Can I? Even though it's a present from your mother? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd rather they go somewhere that want them. I'd like things to go to a home. A lot of this will go to a charity shop, to be honest.

They'll go to a home. Yeah. You know, where this stuff usually ends. Yeah, it won't go to waste. I like to think it's the circle of life. Are you going to keep the chairs? Yeah, I am, actually. I think so.

I like them. Unless you want them. I don't. I i hope we never get time to play stacky chairs no do you want the mankini i think or should we shop soils how about we share it like a time share you have it every few weeks and then i have it for a few weeks and here's the deal it's like the traveling what la la pants film remember traveling la la pants film remember yeah there's a film called the sales of the traveling pants or something about a pair of jeans that i share between girls over something like that anyway the mustache is really putting me off paul don't make the kiss i tell you gary the goalie didn't know what he was doing so yeah and then we agreed to never wash it and see what grows.

I could get a proper rind on this in one night. Mate, I could give it a couple of smeggy smears. I'll tell you that for a fact. I can't take you seriously with that fucking moustache on. Right. Well, you look really unsettlingly. You look... That has sleazed you up about 100%.

Hello, darling. How about you take that little mankini off for me? Oh, mate, you're like some... Slower. Take it off the shoulder. Oh, you are like a pornographer in that. Don't lick your lips. The mankini, yeah?

Yeah, how about you just pull it off your shoulder a little bit? Make it sexy. I'll tell you what. I'll give it a good rub. You're getting hard. I'm getting hard. I'll give it a good rub. Get a good rind on it.

Give it a good rind. Get a good niff on it. I want the sides of that to look like bacon. Yeah, it'll be very discoloured and

niffy. Bit of brown? Nice bit of brown on it. I'll put it in an envelope. Is there going to be some

backdoor action on there as well? There's loads of backdoor action. Is it front and back smears?

Oh, there'll be fucking smeggy smears at the top and then back action bum crack. Our best

moment. I think that was our best moment. You've made an old pornographer happy. I tell you what. Let's stop this episode. Shall we? I have come. Fucking hell! Right, that's cheap show

see you next week bye you can't you can't we've got a podcast don't call me that you big fat can't we've got a podcast

yeah you've just listened to it we've just done it what who's doctor who just said it fuck me right yeah

long story short for links to merch pages events don't interrupt don't interrupt we want to do in the the hand has come up this is serious let's just get through this most serious hand of the day podcast people don't like so let's just get through this for everything everything images for each episode videos uh links to merch events magazine artwork it's all there on our website thecheapshow.co.uk. You want Stop Shop for everything.

But if you want to support us on Patreon, and if you can, brilliant, but only if you can, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. There's years worth of extra content, podcasts, videos, magazines, all sorts there for you to enjoy. We're on Twitter, where we're most chatty, at thecheapshowpod.

I'm at Paul Gannon's show and Eli is... Eli Snowid, which is spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. You have hooks in your ceiling. For hanging things. You could hang plants there, apparently. Oh, they're for hanging things, Paul.

Really? Are they? Really? Oh, who fucking expected that? How about I hang you from your twanger? Oh, from my mankini? Yeah, yeah.

It's a good thing it's an elf one. I'm going to bang your mankini twanger. Hello. I would like a mankini twanger. That'll be 20 grots. Why is it grots, you twat? You're a twat. Stop doing this when you think like you're Tommy...

Rock on. Yeah, like Bobby Ball. Yay! Yay! Rock on, Tommy. That's how we're ending this fucking episode. Yay! And that's this week's episode done.

And Dustin, we hope to see you here next week for 302. We keep on going because we've got nothing else to do. Stop playing with that. Hang on, let's see where this goes. Let's see where that goes. He slipped a hand down to the gusset town.

You like this? I can see his rea. This is all good stuff. Well, my moustache is slowly coming off So that must mean it's time to end the show Wait it's coming off Oh yeah I better do that I better pin it off I was thinking of it like Bagpuss

When it dropped off the show stopped And we just froze here for a week Did Bagpuss have a moustache? No when Bagpuss went to sleep Everything stopped So when the moustache drops off that's like Bagpuss That's nothing like Bagpuss went to sleep, everything stopped. All the characters stopped existing. So when the moustache drops off, that's like Bagpuss. That's nothing like Bagpuss. I like that clock.

That's good, isn't it? What's that? What's the mechanism? And at two minutes and 44, that's when this segment petered out. It's not a segment. It's the bit of the show that everyone hates. It's shut up, Eli. Don't let your creative juices flow.

I would like to revisit. No, that's it. Bye, everyone. I'm bye. Say goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Say it proper. No, that's it. Bye, everyone. Okay. And bye. Say goodbye. Goodbye. But goodbye, say it proper. Goodbye.

Like you care. Bye. Goodbye.