CheapShow - Ep 304: The Doppledangler's Fondant

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

Sometimes, Paul just isn’t in the mood for Eli’s antics, and this is one of those weeks, for sure! Eli is going to have to tiptoe around Paul as best he can, but when there is a middling sauce report and a super packed Price of Shite to get through, it may not be as easy he thinks. There may be something that perks Paul up a bit, and that is the sexy, alluring new “protector of the p’twings” who is sitting in for Poindexter. Will passions overflow? Will Eli leave the podcast in protest? Do you have the stomach to find out? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-304-the-doppledangler-s-fondant And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock

Good week, Paul, then? It's been a fine week today. Oh, it's been nice, hasn't it? It's been a fine week. I saw an air balloon and I saw an airplane. You saw an airplane? And I saw an aero chocolate bar. You saw an aero chocolate bar?

And I saw Aerosmith. Did you see anything else starting with Aero B? I saw an Aero B was thrown at me across the pass. And an Aero Press for coffee. Did you go to an aerobics class? Aerobics, I did, yes. And what did you... Did you aerate your bumhole?

Yes, I aerated my spaces. What? Aerated all my spaces. What spaces? All my openings. Your spaces? Mm-hmm. All my openings were aerated.

No! Whoosh, they sound. Whoosh! Is that the air going through the spacer? Whoosh, it went through me. Is that the spacer air coming out all fast? I was aerated. Was it all pumping out the whole spacer hole?

Was it? Oh! Oh! This is the best cold open we've ever done! Hello, Cheap Show listener. Sometimes our cold opens are pointless and not thought out, and this is one of those instances. Sometimes?

Sometimes, Paul. Some of them are quite well put together. Oh, there goes your bag. Oh, the bag's just killed itself. That's a price of shite, everyone. It's the price of shite. Foreskin shadowing. Puppetry of the foreskin shadow.

Shadow puppetry of foreskins. What's this? It's a snake. I just turned around to pick up the bag and you're shouting foreskins at me. Imagine someone was doing that, though, Paul. Shouting foreskins at me? No, doing a puppet, a shadow puppet show with their foreskin.

Look, it's a snake. Just show me your penis. I don't want to see the shadow. I'd like to see the... I want to see the whole squishy mess. It's a fucking narrative art form. It's not just me showing you my penis. But if at this point...

Oh, it's a snake. Look, it's a stretchy snake. What can you do with it? An elephant. Yeah. Oh, it's a mouse. You pull it wide. Now snake. What can you do with it? An elephant. Yeah. Oh, it's a mouse. You pull it wide. Now, how could you do that with shadow?

Oh, you can see the veins and the blood vessels. Yeah, like a canvas. It's a red glow. It's a red glow sunset. As the light comes through and casts itself upon the wall, you're veiny, stretched. Doink, doink, doink. Doink, doink, doink.

Like a Western. Doink, doink, doink. Oh, Jiminy. I can see the I can see the line of the foreskin coming through the blood red

foreskin sky right well I have absolutely checked out of this cold open I am no longer interested in this cold open

what have we got coming up on the show then am I allowed to say that now we do that after the intro why is it after

25 years of doing this podcast do you not know do you not know the rules it does feel like that do you know what cold opens are just hard to do

Paul it's hard to just suddenly come up with stuff they are hard to do when you're creatively bankrupt I am not creatively bankrupt ask me to create something right now

right now create something right now okay and here's the other remit you're not allowed to come up with a stupid fucking name like Jiminy McBoing

or Hammersham Flat or uh Codardry Fart. Anything like that. You're not allowed to come up with any bullshit names. Yeah, but what form should this creation take? I want this to be... All right, here's a creation for you. Create for me an advert for anything you like.

Okay. But it can't be Granny Four Flops. No. No nonsense names. No nonsense words. Disco Tech Biscuit Gun. All right. And begin.

Hi. You've just woken up. Are you sick of stuff in your pillowcase getting at you in the night or coming in your ear? Stuffing at your pillowcase in the night? Listen, if you're going to let me do my fucking advert, I'll start again. Good morning. This has become the worst cold open now. Good morning.

In history. I'll start again. Not just this podcast. I will start again. Rock on. You've got to listen to me as well. Rock on, Tommy. What's that got to do with anything? Give me an headache. I'm going to

enjoy my coffee while you do whatever you do, because this is already like three minutes. Four minutes now. Four minutes of cold open. Very poor. You there. Wakey, wakey. What's been in your pillowcase all night creeping into your ear? That's right. Bad thoughts.

Bad thoughts be gone with my hoover of electric hair. Right, that will do it. That proves my point. So welcome to Cheap Show. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Cheap Show. That is a cold open. Oh, I've spilled my fucking Red Bull. What?

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. Go. People love noodles. It's just a fact of cheap show. You're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap show. set Teebshow off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off kip, kip, kip, kip

Teebshow It's the price of shite Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. And it's time for Cheap Show, the podcast where Eli and I go for the bargain bins, the charity shops and powerlands and beyond of Great Britain. And we bring you back the treasure we find amongst the trash and this week we have a bumper price of shite we've got a source report and a follow-up to something we did a few weeks ago that we're going to be closing the book on

this week classic classic oh i got a text by the way um sometime between the next few hours we're going to get a knock on the door from uh from leaky ken's removal company whatever it is they sent a text saying they've been sent round or they're going to get a knock on the door from Leaky Ken's removal company, whatever it is. What? They sent a text saying they've been sent round, or they're going to come round to collect the rest of it. They're coming round here? They're going to come round here. And they're going to clean out that room that the copy characters were in for a while. Well, they better send a whole fucking troop of people.

And how many two lorries? There's loads of fucking shit in there. There's so much stuff in there. There's no one in there. They haven't been back, you know. It's like a Collier's Mansion in there right now. Just full of shit. I looked through the slat. They didn't even give me a forwarding address in there right now, just full of shit. I looked through the slat.

They didn't even give me a forwarding address. I don't know where they've gone. I looked through the slat. It's all a mess. There's no one in there. No, there's nothing in there. There hasn't been a peep out of them. No.

So, I'm just saying... But we can't get in. No. I mean, is Leaky Ken's removal service going to have a fucking... They've been given a key. They've been told how to sort it all out. I don't like this.

Well, I know, but all I'm saying is, at some point today, we are going to be interrupted by that, so we might need to take a quick break while they clean that place out. All right. So, all right. So that's that piece of news out of the way. Fine. I tell you what, let's get the follow-up out of the way.

Yes. Because a few weeks ago, a few months ago now maybe, we did those Dairy Milk Mystery Chocolate Bars, right? Number one and number two, they were. Yes, and they did taste like a number one and a number two. No, they didn't. They weren't great, but they didn't taste like literal shit. The problem is they didn't taste like, in my opinion, anything concrete.

I got cherry, a lot of cherry from that thing, didn't I? I got a lot of cherry on one. I'm going to say this now. I was really disappointed because I knew Poundland was still selling them, and I went to the one near you to grab some, and Poundland was closed due to an unforeseen malfunction with the blah, blah, blah. So it was all closed. Why not there?

Yeah, so it was all closed. I couldn't get them. That one's shutting down. Is it? Yeah. Either way, I couldn't get a chocolate bar to give us another little go of it to see how it matched with the results we're going to give now. I had about six of the extra ones in my fridge that have been completely demolished.

Oh, hang on. What? What? What? Have I still got some? I don't know. That's a question for you to answer. Eli's now going to investigate, so... I've got a sweetie bag.

He's going to investigate, so I'll just keep talking for a bit. So, yeah, Cadbury's have finally revealed their mystery chocolate bar flavours, and we're going to reveal them now. Oh, Eli's got his little bag, his little pantry bag. Right, what have you got?

I've got a sweetie bag here, Paul. Yeah, but has it got the pertinent bars in? The answer is no, Paul. The answer is no. That's all right. No thank you for checking. It was good that you did. Instead, you've got diorite or whatever is in there,

and squashums, which is basically the same thing, right? No, that helps with a hangover yeah um i've got these squashums these are rhubarb and custard funnily enough because uh foreshadowing well yes let's get into that now so a couple of episodes ago we tried them out and i can't remember what we said i said brownie or something didn't i you did you said a brownie and i said cherry yeah so between the two we had a rough idea but i'm guessing having scanned the article we weren't close so the company offered uk fans to guess the two flavors of the mystery bars to be in a chance of winning five thousand pounds i don't remember that well i might have made more of a fucking effort if there's five grand in it

cheap show wins five grand you were trying to try on your hardest you can't try harder to recognize a flavor just because there's money on the line i don't well you know what i mean oh i'll try harder to do this thing that is completely instinctual. But I could have entered more. I could have actually entered the competition, couldn't I? We could have entered, yes.

But we would have been wrong. More than... So we wouldn't have got the five grand. No. So it's, you wish nothing. What you said was not worth saying. Paul, you've got no dreams you've got. Let me just fucking penetrate them

with my misery cock and pour my sad gloom inside them. cock and pour my sad gloom inside them. I'll pour my sad gloom inside you. I'm going to fill your happy thoughts and possibilities with my sad gloom. Anyway, so more than 300,000 people were estimated to have entered the contest, but only 6,800 guessed the flavours correctly.

Which is still more than I thought. Quite a lot. These flavour experts will now be entered into a draw to win the cash prize. Exactly. So even if we got it fucking right, we've got like a

one in 6,000 chance of getting the money. Cadbury brand manager Pippa Rogers said, we have been blown away by the widespread excitement and conversation around the Cadbury

Mystery Bar competition. That sentence, sorry to interrupt, that sentence could have gone, read the first three words of that. We've been blown away by the widespread...

Stop! Spunk cannon! Spunk of a huge monster dick! I just thought you were going to say... Widespread fanny! No. Been blown away by the widespread... Widespread, yeah.

Which I guess, to be fair... That works as well. Fanny or gaping arsehole, Eli. Fanny or gaping arsehole, Eli. Fanny or gaping arsehole. Either one or the other. I'm just being silly, sorry. It has been difficult trying to keep the flavours on the wraps over the summer,

so we were delighted to reveal the flavours to the nation. We can't wait to hear how excited our two lucky prize winners are. I can't help but feel cynical. We've been, you know, trying to keep them under wraps. It's been really difficult. You've had NDAs on your fucking staff, and they'd get the sack if they told anyone do you know what i mean yeah i can see the corporate like we'll learn no there's a corporate fucking

lockdown in place you know i would even argue the people even making it didn't know the flavor i think it was like put these ingredients into this machine press a few buttons out comes the fondant only we know what that is don't make that press a few buttons, out comes the fondant. Only we know what that is. Don't make that rude. Press my button and out comes the fondant. Oh, yeah. Here's my new sitcom character. Fondant machine.

Like a lady bends over, revealing her bustier, and I go, whoops, there comes the fondant. That's good. That's good. Whoops, here comes the fondant. You've pressed my button, and out comes the fucking raspberry cream. Here comes the fondant. Now, fondant. the fondant. You've pressed my button and out comes the fucking raspberry cream. Here comes the fondant.

Now, fondant. The fondant. Fondant is good. It's a good word, actually. It's a good word. You could put that in a poultice or something like that. Here's the big reveal. You could have a tenner man, slit it down the side, produce some fucking fondant, put it inside.

Poultice fondant. Yeah. All right. That's a good character name. No, it's not so do you want to know what the two flavours are

I do want to know Paul so number one was I think this is the one that I thought was a bit cupcake-y yeah yes

yeah the number one yeah is rhubarb and custard flavour it did not taste like that did not get that it did not taste like that because you know

I've had lots of I mean I quite like rhubarb and custard boiled sweets that's the classic and they have a very distinctive flavour I... I mean, I quite like rhubarb and custard boiled sweets. That's the classic. And they have a very distinctive flavour, I think. I love those.

Those are the classic ones. Those are like sweet shop sweets, aren't they? And what do they look like? They're a little boiled lozenge sort of shape. With a kind of red and yellow, kind of either 50-50 separation of the boiled sweet components or kind of more of a ribbon thing going on. There's different variations. There are various different versions.

But more commonly it's like one off is the custard one off is the is the uh rhubarb flavor and then in the middle they're joined in the balsweet and it's nice it's very tasty i love that flavor yeah that was not coming through on that chocolate at all because as i say as you would like to say the amplitude of rhubarb and custard is something the brain recognizes straight away once it gets used to recognize it at all no not at all and also this is why I wish we had the chocolate bar, so we could have gone, oh, maybe. Yeah, well, maybe we can get hold of some at a later date.

Yeah, right. So, Mystery Flavour 2, which you said was what? I thought it was very much cherry or boozy in some way. It's tasted like one of those... Like a liqueur, almost. Those little chocolates you used to have with a little boozy liqueur inside like a cherry one this was blue raspberry slushy flavour

and again that's such bollocks blue raspberry is not a flavour blue raspberry is like a generic fruit flavour isn't it we watch a channel

called How To Drink don't we and every now and then for various reasons he'll talk about that blue ras flavour which comes up in slushies and cocktails

cheap cocktails and like it's not a flavour of anything it's just a flavour that you associate with the words blue raspberry he'll talk about that blue ras flavour, which comes up in slushies and cocktails, cheap cocktails. And like, it's not a flavour of anything. It's just a flavour that you associate with the words blue raspberry. And so you kind of think, I know what that is. In my head, I can conjure up kind of what that is.

That is not what I got from that chocolate bar. I thought that the whole concept of blue raspberry was only invented so that they could have a different colour to differentiate it from strawberry. Or cherry. Because there's too many red fruits. You've colour to differentiate it from strawberry. Or cherry. Because there's too many red fruits. You've got to start having different colours.

And there's no blue. You've got blueberry now. But blueberry wasn't around a lot. It's not a major fruit, is it, blueberry? He's not one of the big boys. It's not one of the big boy fruits, but it should be because I like blueberry. I like blueberry flavours.

I do. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of blueberry. Blueberry are good. And sometimes, Paul, sometimes when I'm a fan. I'm a fan of blueberry. Blueberry are good. Yeah. So, yeah, some people... And sometimes, Paul, sometimes when I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to get the fondant out,

I'll get blueberries. What's that? Someone call me. Someone say my name. Hello, it's Captain Blue Balls here. Oh, hello, Captain. Oh, I tell you what, I'd give to give some fondant.

Oh, you wouldn't have produced some fondant. What flavour would your fondant be? Rum and raisin? No, at this point in my life, if I could get any squeeze, any fondant out at all, it'd taste like crab sticks. It really would. Oh, good, good, good.

Big, rotten, stagnant crab sticks. What have you been up to, apart from obviously trying to achieve ejaculation? I tell you what, I've been living in a lighthouse recently. War. And I sit there every night trying to achieve ejaculation. I tell you what, I've been living in a lighthouse recently. Warr. And I sit there every night and I clean that lamp

and I rub that lamp. Rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it. And does the light ever come on? No. Well, you must have... Warr, my balls. Your balls.

Oh, you couldn't give them a little bit of jostling, could you? I don't think it would work. I don't think I've got the expertise. You could give your pirates some hand relief, couldn't you? I don't think it would work. I don't think I've got the expertise. You could give a pirate some hand relief, couldn't you? No, I don't think I could. Help an old sailor boy out. Good luck to you.

Oh, it's a curse. Who are I? Tell you, Jim lad. Oh, I've got to go back. I'll tell you what. To the lighthouse. Well, aren't there boats crashing on that lighthouse? Yeah, there've been one or two.

If you don't get the light working. Well, there's been one or two. Then do you go and loot down there? You know what? It's like boats crashing on that lighthouse. Yeah, there's been one or two. If you don't get the light working... Well, there's been one or two where you let them. And then you go and loot down there. You know what? It's strange. The only satisfaction I do get down there is when I see a couple of hundred deaths on a boat as it crashes against a rocky crack.

That makes you cramped, does it? Weird, that, innit? So you're not Captain Blue Balls anymore? No, this is the problem. As I'm watching them drown and beg for help, it kind of peters out after a while. So you do achieve a hardness, but again, no.

No, that's it. I just get the firmness, but I can never, never release the gunpowder, can I? Oh, I see what you mean. I can point the cannon, but the cannonball don't come out.

No, it don't. No, it don't. Yeah, indeed. Anyway. Well, it's nice to see you again. Well, thank you, my boy. Oh, I tell you what, if you see that fucking Long John Carrant come, you tend to stay away from my lighthouse, I tell you. Well, thank you, my boy. Oh, I tell you what, if you see that fucking long John Car and come,

you tend to stay away from my lighthouse, I tell you. Well, I think he's, yeah. I don't know what's happened. They've all gone. I've not seen him around lately, but he's stepping on my bits.

They've all gone somewhere. And I quite like people stepping on my bits. It gets me fucking hard. But I can't fly the mast. Oh, I could get up to the crow's nest, but the crow don't fly.

Oh, I... Captain, I'll pass your message on. You just wanted to... oh I could get up to the crow's nest but the crow don't fly Captain I'll pass your message on you just wanted to I'll say to him long John can't come oh god if my balls burst today

it would smell like crabs for weeks in here I'd stay in that house good good Captain good to see you mate I'll leave then shall I I've got to go back

to that lighthouse you do need to because you don't. Holy Eve, then, shall I? I've got to go back to that lighthouse. You do need to, because you don't have too many deaths. A few of them. Yeah, they get you. Drown, you fuckers. Right. Oh, he's off.

He's off, yeah. Unexpectedly. Such a curse. I love him. He's a hard man to love, Paul. A hard man to love. Is man to love is that it then is that done yeah we're done

I don't know man yeah let's move on let's move on let's get the show going we've done enough cool yeah good

I lost my bra left my knickers in my boyfriend's car did a skid bust a lid break my balls in a dustbin lid I came round

he came there I've gone up and down and there I've squirted my fondant out it is gone in your mouth my fondant came out I've got a new let's get on to the next bit because I've got a new theme theme song. Alright cool let's get on to the next bit then

cue the sound effect At this point of the show, Eli will now introduce the segment we call The Source Report. Eli, take it away. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Hello, I'm Eli Silverman. This is the most sober part of the show.

Serious, clinical, educational, scientific, practical. Source Report. Dry. Dry. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Source Report. Dry. practical source report dry dry a do do do do do do do do source report dry

go on let me do the opening of the source report alright hello everyone I'm Eli Silverman do do do do do do do it's the source report time

it's a single source a single shot of source today that we will be analysing and letting you know whether it's worth buying or not in this difficult time financially for us all. Source is important because it livens up drab, cheap, budget food, Paul. Yeah? A little sprinkle, a little squirt, a little dribble. We've got source here today for you.

What's Paul doing? Can you listen to me if I'm doing my source report? It's usually best if I just tune out. Have you stopped talking shit then? Is this now the source part? Well, what else is there in the source report? Because you said to me,

oh, I've got a little thing going on for this. No, I meant for the price of shite. We're not there yet then, are we? I know. I didn't know which way we were doing it. Oh, no.

I made it clear we were doing the source report first. And just to be clear, Paul. Yeah. It's not a very good thing that I've got planned. It's a half-formed idea that I kind of had a few hours ago. Half-formed is better than no form at all, which is your current, funnily enough, form.

This is... Are we straight into the source? Moyo Kumari Dopara. Kumari. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh Kumari. Oh. Oh, Dolly Marie. Oh. I've got a squid.

Oh. It's doing pee. Oh. Oh. Seriously, I've asked this before, but you never listen back and go, that was embarrassing that I did that. I'm embarrassed about my whole life. You should be.

What drew your attention to this sauce? What kind of sauce is it? Now, I believe it is chilli sauce because there are little pictures of chilli peppers on it. But look at it. It's yellow. Describe that. It's like a lemon yellow.

It's a opaque, thick lemon yellow. You're right. So I'm just, is this going to be a more sort of tart? Tangy. Have a sort of lemoniness? Yeah. Maybe sour. I don't know what that means.

Mollio Kumari do Pará. Now, you might want to get your little translator out in case it's got fish in it, Paul. I don't think it does. Give me it and I'll do a lens on it. Just do a lens. I'd be interested to know,

I think this is from South America or Brazil quite specifically, I believe. And they do have great sauces. It's Brazilian. Yeah. Let's have a look. This is the one here. Hang on.

Just pulling it up on the old internet. Okay. I've looked it up on the internet. It's sold on a website in France. If you like hot peppers, this is the sauce for you. This is what this translation says. Chili peppers is one of the most used seasonings by Brazilians in the preparation of various dishes.

Fucking hell. It's very spicy flavor. It gives a special touch to Brazilian cuisine. Yeah, yeah. Tell us something we don't know. This has been the most generic description of chili I've ever heard in my life. Just so everyone knows, I just cut out five minutes of looking up something I could have invented off the top of my head on this.

But it looks like it's fine. It's just chili sauce. Yeah. I thought it was some kind of particular thing because of the yellowness. It's just made with yellow peppers, I guess. Shall we try this sauce, Paul? Let's do it. I love the sauce report.

This sauce... I'll hold the spoon. You can dribble it in. This sauce, yeah, it is extremely yellow. That's what attracted me to it, Paul. What's the nose like? It's very lemony. Certainly very citrusy. It's a very nice pepper, but it's not that... to it, Paul. What's the nose like? It's very lemony. Well, certainly very citrusy.

Oh, it's a very nice pepper, but it's not that... Because it was all yellow. All right, hold your spoon out. That's got a nice... It's got quite a subtle smell. Do you know what I mean? Oh, there we go. Oh, it's thick.

It's quite thick and gloopy. All right, here we go. So, Paul, after you. After me. Here we go, down the hatch. Oh, what a strange thing. Oh, I can see why you're mild. Yeah, but you can see why you have to dash it,

because it's got a weird kind of texture. Oh, the heat comes in at the back, doesn't it? It's much less vinegary and lemony than I thought it would be. Oh, the thing is, its first taste is kind of like snot. I can't explain it, but it's kind of weird. It's got a milkiness, and I don't like that. But the back end heat is quite nice. So I can imagine that's why you'd have to dash it on something.

Because obviously off a spoon isn't how you're meant to enjoy this particular product. That's interesting. It's kind of, it's got a mouth feel. A kind of milky mouth feel. Is that where you're going? Yeah. It's that gloopiness you didn't like. Yeah. But again, you're not meant to have it off a spoon. I get that. And then it's not, it's got very little like immediate

heat hitting you. But then it's at the back when it starts to. It comes from the back rather than the front. It does. And it's'm not then it's not it's got very little like immediate heat hitting you but then it's at the back when it starts to it comes from the back rather than the front it does yeah and it's got and it's low vinegar so you don't get a tartness at the front either you just get that kind of milky texture that's what i don't like about it but then again if you're just splashing it on some chicken or some veg or whatever it is that won't matter as much you could definitely see that complementing chicken yes you know what i mean yeah i don't know why but when you said chicken i thought yes that was the type of that's the type of flavor like a nice roast chicken leg or something you know what i mean quite a nice herby herby chili the actual flavor of the chili pepper in it you know what i mean it's quite nice it's interesting it's it's weird it's not hot off the front but it gives you a nice warmth in the back

you know what i mean yeah it's uh interesting You know what I mean? Yeah, it's interesting. You know what I mean? I'll definitely be using that on some food, so it won't go to waste. Good, you know what I mean? I know what you mean, yeah. A bit warmer in the back. Like spunk, yeah.

Yeah, a bit warmer. Spunking on... Hot in the back. Hot in the back. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. Like at a drive-in movie,

and you're watching a werewolf film or something. Yeah, you go, ooh. You go, listen, love, I've got these heaters put in at the back of my car. Do you want to sit in the back? Do you want to sit in the back? Do you want to sit in the back? Come on, it's warm. It's warm on the back.

It's warm there. Oh. What movie is it? No. It's called Grumble of the Wolf. You watch it and have a wank, okay? And I'll pretend to do the movie. Oh, here I am sitting in my car in a driving movie

and I'm watching Grumble of the Wolf. Let's see what happens in the film. Sounds like a pirate, mate. Not so much. I'm Harry R. McGee, wolf pirate of the high seas. Wolf pirate. I'm the wolf pirate of the high seas.

I can't get on to this. What about this then? Oh, it talks back to me. This is the future of cinema. All right, here comes a lady. Oh, a lady. Oh, Captain, I'm very disturbed by your hairiness. All of a sudden, you've become very hirsute.

And also, where are we going? I thought we were going to arrive at the island. Arr, I'm a wolf pirate, man. Arr, do you want to get down to some business? If anyone is auditioning for Whose Line Is It Anyway, by the way, this is Eli's audition tape. Arr, want to get down to some business? Great stuff.

You know what? Can we move on, Paul? You know what? Do, do, do, do. That sauce is all right. Can I have a mark from you, please? I'll say 3.5 because I think it's hard to judge it off the spoon if it was prepared with some food

some meat, I reckon the texture wouldn't matter as much. I've just had another thought cheese. Yeah, maybe. Be nice with cheese melted cheese. Toasty, yeah yeah, alright. Lighter flavours because it's not much going on so I think it would... Maybe some pizzas might enjoy that. Yeah, it's

a lighter, do you know what I'm getting at it's rich and it's not going to have enough power really to get on a rich food so you'd need it for a lighter

less rich flavour of food it's lost the will to live it's funny these segments the source report I try every week every time we do it I try to get involved

it's source mate and then it's like someone just pulled a plug out the middle of me and everything drains out at a certain point in this segment. And now I'm just sitting here, wondering why. Why? Why Grumble of the Wolf became a pirate sex rob.

And I thought it was going to be a horror. Grumble of the Wolf. Oh, Eli, you're brilliant. You really are. You're fucking brilliant. That's this segment over. Okay, fine. It's time for the shite. That's right.

The shite. The right. That's right. The shite. The price. What the price? The price of shite is right. That's right.

The price of shite. The shite. The price of right. The shite price of right. Right price. Shite price. Fight price. Let's get the price right tonight

because the price of right is right tonight. I've just woken up and I've come here. What's going on now? It's the price. Price of right. The price of the shite.

It's the price of shite. The price of the shite the price of the shite. It's the price of shite. And the price of the shite. The price of shite. It's the price of shite. It's the night's night. It's the price of shite. Stop. And that's right.

And that's right. The price of the shite. Whoa, what's going on here? Oh, I've just run out of here. The price of the shite's full. I'm just going to say this. You're going to have to do a lot of hard work

to make me engage in this podcast again this week because that source report emptied me out so I need to I need better from you

to get me into the mood for the rest of this podcast if I could just frame your current state in a sort of metaphor you were like a raspberry fondant

all the fondants come out I've sucked the fondant out with a secret straw secret metal straw ooh don't mind if I do no here's what's happened

is that you've taken a Cadbury cream egg what you've sucked out the fondant yeah and you've given me a hollow egg I've given you a hollow chalky egg

that's had your tongue in it and I'm just I just don't want I don't want it I had a new theme for the price of shite go on I can't remember it fuck me no. I had a new theme for The Price of Shite. Go on. I can't remember it.

Fuck me! No, but I had this whole thing. Do you know, Paul, I have remembered it, okay? I have remembered it. No, you haven't. What you've got now is your plan B that you're putting forward as your plan A, because your plan A vanished. Can I just discuss something about The Price of Shite?

Is it going to be very long? No, half a minute. If that, okay? Go. You know there's that bit at the end of the Price of Shite, the classic theme, where we go... And that's right. And that's right.

But there should be a little bridging thing, which is sort of like a little Elvis-style thing. And I'll say, yeah, like that. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. And I'll say, yeah. Oh, that's right. Basically, think of it like that.

It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking price to shine. It's the fucking price to shine. Oh, it's the fucking price to shine. And that's how I'll say, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's it. I remembered it. And I'll say, yeah, that's right. Okay, so you say, that's right.

When I say, I say, okay? So that's the only bit you have to do. It's the fucking price to shine. It's the fucking price to shine. Oh oh it's the fucking price to shine it's the fucking price to shine oh it's the fucking price to shine and I'll say and that's right God

Poindexter couldn't make it Paul because he's somewhere in the house of pickles somewhere in your fucking rectal cavity like you've not been able to fish out no no no

yes yes let me just do this no Gravity, like you've not been able to fish out. No, no, no. Yes, yes. Let me just do this. No. We'll bring in the Poindexter issue later. Right now, sir, right. So, oh, we're bringing that in later. Okay, take it away. It's all yours now.

I just wanted to get that off my chest. No, don't do a fake walkout. This might be a real one. I'm close. Paul, don't. We've got to do the show. Don't. I don't need to do any of this. Well, look, it's a precious showout. This might be a real one. I'm close. Paul, don't. We've got to do the show. Don't. I don't need to do any of this.

Well, look, it's a price to show. I could just live a normal life. I could just live a normal life. It is normal most of the week. I could just meet normal people. It's just one day with a weird moron. Why do I hide? Why do I surround myself with idiots?

Who else is an idiot? Buffoons and clowns. You're a clown. Idiots. No, I'm a good man. You're not good. I'm a good man. I don't need to do this.

I don't need to fucking deal with this. You don't. I don't need to do any of this. You've broken everything there. Don't break everything. Come on, calm down. It's fine. What is this?

I can do the theme tune again if you like. It's my Elvis-style theme tune and it's a fucking hit. It's a hit with me. Please, Paul. Please come back to us. I need something. What? I don't know how to give you...

I need an allowance. All right, you're allowed to sing. Sing an 80s hit or something just to get back into it. Together forever and never to part Together forever it's true

And don't you know I would move heaven enough to be together forever it's true and don't you know i would move heaven enough to be together forever with poo paul he shouldn't have put poo there that really ruined it on this you've just made me think of something we had trouble for so long you know the rules and so do i that's his follow-up. That's not the Rick rolling tune. I prefer it to the Rick roller.

It's quite memorable in a similar way, isn't it? Paul. Yeah. See, I've got a smile on my face now. He's got a little

smile on his face everyone. He's back. He's done a little You know, we've got this marriage coming up next year with Lady Plops and Squishy Jim finally tying the knot.

There was that song you sang, which is the one off Neighbours, where... Suddenly you're here with me. I saw that on 12 inch. I saw that on a 12 inch in Oxfam. Should I pick it up? No. Okay.

Because I keep threatening to get... I sang that guy's whole album once in a charity shop. What's he called? Dangerous Wilson or something? Yes, it is. It's something like that. Dangerous Alan or... Dangerous Wilson.

Threatening Tom or something. I don't know. Intimidating Paul. Look, it's five minutes. We haven't started the Price of Shite, so let's get into it. Oh, no, that's all right. Ash sent us a box a while ago.

Hello, Ash. He enjoyed our opening so much I'm just paraphrasing I'm enjoying my opening I wish I could I wish I could enjoy my own opening I'll just start this one again

he says Eli and Paul this comes from Ash he says really enjoyed listening to you open my last box so I've been back to a charity shop

in Nottingham to provide you with another round of Price of Shite like before I've enclosed a present for each of you and once again thank you for everything you do.

Thank you very much. Thanks, Ash. So he gave us a present. You've opened the presents. Basically, they're a bunch of pin badges. I've taken the ones I liked out, and here's the rest for you. Which ones did you take out?

So there were little pins in there that were like old 70s or 80s, like ale or lager brands, like Nelsons. I can't have one of those? I love booze ones. You really can't. How do you get to pick over all the best stuff?

I have the P.O. box. It comes to my address. I have to go fish it from a depot. And also, Paul, I mean, I guess it's fair enough because I do collect whatever the other type

of badge as well. Yeah, these are more traditional button badges. Button badges they're called, are they? And I only took three. Mr. Softy, that's a nice one. It's an ice cream one,

isn't it? And Mr. Softy has an ice cream for a head there. Yeah. Oh, these are quite vintage-y, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really good.

I like these vintage badges. Thanks, Ash. These are brilliant. What's that one? Oh, this is a lovely metal-backed pin badge. Are they called not pin badges? Pin badge is the other one.

Button badges, I guess. I don't know. The ones with the catch. Yeah. It's a horizontal catch. Yeah, yeah. Like a safety pin. Like a safety pin on the back as opposed to a pin I guess. I don't know. The ones with the catch. Yeah. It's a horizontal catch. Yeah, yeah. Like a safety pin. Like a safety pin on the back

as opposed to a pin going straight out. Going straight in, yeah. There must be an official term for that. Button badges, I don't care. That's a lovely vintage one. Devon Air Ambulance.

Ah. I think it's missing a protective cover, but yeah. That's a nice one. And then here's another military one. Oh, yeah.

It's a military pin. Norton Shields. Norton Shields. Quite a nice vintage. Is that a military thing military one. Oh, yeah, it's a military pin. Norton Shields. Norton Shields. Quite a nice vintage. Is that a military thing, then? It looks military. It looks like a sort of military target sort of logo thing. Oh, that's a lovely one.

What? It's got a bicycle. It's got a diagrammatic bicycle in silver. That's for passing a bike proficiency test. That'll be going on my jacket. Yeah, it's a good one, though. Thank you, Ash. And there's just a couple more to get through here, Paul.

Sorry. Just quickly, then. Oh, give us one of the beer ones. I'll swap you. Nah. I'll swap you that ACDC pin. No, really? Yeah, why not?

It's not worth the swap. That's a much better badge. I'll give you that, because I'm nice. Oh, I'll give you one of the ale ones. You know, I enjoy doing this with you. I'll give you one of the ale ones, then. All right? Happy.

What's that? It's a shuttlecock with a picture of a bridge. I just don't understand because i've got one exactly like that same shape which is just a shuttlecock but that is like a shuttlecock shape i don't understand no that is that is the in dubai or whatever it is that's those huge big twin buildings that bridge in between yeah it's one of those but look at look at the back that shuttlecock shape that badge isn't it that's... It's the same template for the plastic, and they've just made different badges with it.

Yeah, maybe. That's true. Because I definitely have one. In that shape. Yeah, maybe. That's true. Jesus. Why would you have a picture of buildings in that shape? No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't.

It's a very strange badge, though. Because it almost looks like a foot. A three-toed foot or something like that. Yeah. And lastly, this is a nice one, really nice one as well. Bimbo Club. Hey! But it hasn't got a nice one as well bimbo club but it hasn't got

a picture of your typical bimbo it has a small child I don't know what a bimbo is I think bimbo became what the busby bird

or whatever no bimbo bimbo just meant something else how is that spelt like bimbo like you know I can't find a single

fucking reference to bimbo the child let's have a look at the badge it's a really nice one bimbo club the child character. Let's have a look at the badge. It's a really nice one. Bimbo Club, it says. I'm going to do a lens thing.

Do a lensing. Can't find anything about it based on the badge. Okay, it must have been something that wasn't very popular. Or something very parochial. Yeah. It's still quite a nice badge. It's got that sort of 70s children's TV vibe to it, doesn't it? Yeah. So, with all that favorite

one is um the cycle cycle proficiency it's lovely enameled yeah i know it's a nice one that probably enameled but with the with the used to get those for passing certain stages didn't you so i think there's different colored badges that's going straight on my jean nice so uh we have the answers in an envelope that's there but we haven't got poindexter as eli briefly mentioned earlier in the show because Poindexter we presume has gone into hiding and is living under

a shrewd name for its own safety he's somewhere in the house of pickles but as we know that's quite a large territory and I couldn't cover it

in the short he's probably in Mount Groppans really he probably is in reality he probably is he's probably like

Osama Bin Laden and he's just living in the mountains he's somewhere around there but He's somewhere around there. But I did have to hand miniature Eli. Someone, remember, made us little plushy versions of ourselves. Now, I just want to say there hasn't been anything between us. Between you and your doppelganger.

My miniature doppelganger will be impartial in gardening the betwings, okay? Your doppeldangler. We've had a little word. That's what it is, your little doppeldangler. He's not going to have a little peek and then tell me telepathically what the prices are, anything like that. He's a good little doppel-ganger. Doppel-dangler.

Doppel-dangler. Yeah, because he, you know. God, why are you so hungry? Hungry for sex this week. I'm so horny. So give me Eli. Thirsty, sorry, not hungry. I'm so hungry and thirsty for sex. Give me Eli. Give me little doppel-dangler. I don't want you touching him. Come on. This isn't Eli. Thirsty, sorry, not hungry. I'm hungry and thirsty for a sec. Give me Eli.

Give me little doppel dangler. I don't want you touching him. Come on. This isn't fair. Look at him. Look at him. He's giving me those eyes. He's giving those googly eyes. He's got googly eyes. Come to my face eyes. I don't want... I'll go on then. Just be careful. His stitching isn't exactly... Hello Eli. How are you? Do you like me?

I like you very much. I never said I didn't like you. I'm talking to him, not you. I'm talking to little mini Eli. No, this is weird. The little doppelganger. Stop. What have you done too lately, doppelganger Eli?

I've been dreaming of you, Paul, waiting for this sweet, sweet moment. I try to think about this all the time. So, you kiss me? I can't possibly kiss you. What if I just nibble your ear? Oh, don't. Not on the podcast.

Not now. Not now. Oh, Eli. Oh, Eli. What's this? Where are you going? You can't possibly. Don't put him in there.

Oh, he's going. Oh, he's gone down. Oh, Eli. His little googly eyes are bashing around my ball bag. Oh, little duffel dangler Eli. Honestly, I'm starting to have a moment like you were having earlier actually, Paul. Look, Eli, look.

What are we doing? What are we doing here? He's wiping his mouth because he's got all my fondant. What's going on with us? Doppel dangler got my fondant. Doo-dah, doo-dah. Doppel dangler got my fondant. All-dah. Doo-dah. Doppel Dangler got my fondant.

All on his very mouth. He tastes good. So he's on there. That meant a lot to me. Doppel Dangler Eli. Doppel Dangler Eli is protecting the between. Who are we?

He's lying flat. What's happened to us now, Paul? I don't know. I'm sort of joining you in that feeling. I give this another 50 episodes then we just hand it ourselves into a mental health institute.

Fucking hell. Right, Doppel Dangler Eli is protecting the betweens in the place of Poindexter. Let's begin the games. Right, we've got six items to get through. We're going to power through as quickly as we can. Are you ready? Okay, six items.

I'm going to be recording our guesses. For anyone who has recently started listening to Cheap Show, Price of Shy is a foundational segment of the show. It's one of the pillars of this podcast. It's a pillar of the podcast, a pillar of the podcast, and there can be no doubt. And it is where Paul and I compete for points. The points are known as betwings, don't ask.

And we used to go out and buy stuff ourselves and keep it from each other, the prices from each other, and challenge each other. But it's snowballed, Paul, hasn't it, over the years? And people send bespoke prices of shine, which is what we mainly do these days. Ash has done that again for us this

week. Six items, you say, this week? Yes. Six items. So we have a lot to get through. Are you ready for the first one? Are you doing them in the order that Ash has said? No, because I don't know, because the answers are all on the envelope, and I've not opened the envelope,

so I don't know what order they're meant to come in. We'll have to deal with that when we get to it. Yeah. So I don't know what the price... Oh, hang on. It says on the envelope, actually. Price of shite range between five and seven pounds. So I'm guessing these six items are between £5 and £7 altogether.

Altogether, all six items. Not every item is £5 or £7. No, no, no. Because anyone about to pull out, I would fucking complain heartily about the prices. For instance, our first item. Oh, he's handing me. Oh, I'm already... Fucking this is depressing shit.

Oh, God. fucking this is depressing shit oh god it's literally a pack of memorial magazines celebrating the birthday and or death stroke life of the queen mum is it all about her specifically yeah someone went i've had enough of the queen mum i'm gonna give all my stuff to charity and then ash bought it and sent it to us imagine just being some boring old drunk posh idiot. Yeah. And people have got whole magazines about you. Like what? Went to the races, drank a shitload of gin,

and I'm the Queen Mother. 95. How old was she when she died? Was she past 100? She was, right? I don't think she was because she wasn't the healthiest. She was a rum old bird. She was a gin old bird, I heard.

What does that mean? She drank gin. Oh. Oh! I was making a little funny. Yeah, no. I'm just not used to you making humour that isn't cum-based. I'm not the cum-based humourist.

You are. I'm not the cum joker. I'm the cum joker's son, and I won't stop joking cum until the joking cum is done. Oh. How much cum can a cum man cum if a cum man can't cum cum? How much cum can a cum man cum if a cum man can't cum cum how much cum can a cum sucker suck if a cum sucker could suck cum he came in the mouth i don't know what i'm saying there actually that's what i like it he came you came we all came rice came something

like that yes now this is a terrible item and i don't even want to think about how much this was i mean i just don't even want to look at it much this was. I mean, I just don't even want to look at it. I can't believe... I mean, it's not going to be that much, because if it tops out at £7, I don't think that's going to be any more than £2, £3, that whole pack. It's a big stack of newspapers and magazines with the Queen Mum on that is, I hope, Eli, getting thrown into the bin.

Hello, magazine. Fucking hello. A glorious day for 100 glorious years. You know, you were right. She did get to a hundred. What's she doing there with her arms open? It looks like she's about to say,

Damien, take me, Damien. You know, like the omen. It's like the babysitter in the omen. She's like, her arms reached out. Now, this royal thing has reminded me of something I wanted to bring up.

Yeah. Have you heard of Coronation Chicken? Uh, yes. It was a sandwich filling that was invented for the Queen's coronation. Yes. Is there going to be a King Charles?

King Charles chicken fried rice or something? I think we should step up and think of a fucking sandwich filling that hasn't been developed for sausage finger and chutney or something. That sounds like a night in your bedroom. Doesn't it? What did you do last night, Hila? Sausage fingers and chutney, didn't he? Right. So how much do you think? No, Hila? Sausage fingers and chutney, didn't he? Right, so how much...

But no, think about it, Paul. Come on, we could come up with a coronation spread. A new kind of King Charles... Charles coronation chicken. Spread, yeah. A jerk or something. Because it was invented for her coronation. Yeah, I know.

So there must be something in the works, some kind of... And we want to do an alternative one. All right, what about a fucking Prince Charles noodle? Ah. Yeah. A pimping. The Prince Charles coronation pimp of a noodle.

How much do you think that is? Well, no, you already had a guess. Did I? No, I just had a rough guess. I said it's not because everything's between five and seven. Listen, one of us has got to start. So do you want to have the disadvantage? Two quid for that then.

Two quid. You're saying two quid. Two quid for that then. Two quid. You're saying two quid. Two quid for all of that shit. Okay. Yeah. You say two quid. What's he say? I'm going to say one pound ten.

One ten. Next item. Terrible item that was. Oh, I don't know what this is. This is... That looks better. Yeah, but I don't know what this is. This is a Warhammer 40,000 template.

It's some see-through green plastic but what do they what are they templates for is it for scale or something or let me have a little look it looks like a little spirograph or something or protractor that you used to have in schools in your pencil case warhammer 40 000 is a tabletop modern war game yeah so it must be sort of like range for weapons or something little measuring things for range for weapons i think that's what it is if you have a figure in the middle i know nothing about warhammer so interesting i don't know what this is reasonably old because the plastic holding it has uh talking to the mind the plastic has all yellowed and it's very brittle i don't know what the purpose of it is but i'm sure

it has one i don't know i would say oh i don't i'll let you guess this time next you know i go first this time but it does it comes on it was But it does, it comes on, what is it? Spru, not Spru. What's the thing it all comes on? Like when you have model kits and you poke them out. It's in a framework. Yeah. I'll tell you what though, I like the see-through yellow lime colour thing going on.

That whole translucent plastic. It is definitely to do with something to do with the gaming aspect. See, I thought it's got something to do with the size of the models and the scales and things like that. How monsters can be different sizes and so they have to be the right size or something that's right it's something along those lines something technical about the actual tabletop the technical aspect of the tabletop gaming maybe you're listening to this and you know exactly what we're getting at why don't you email us and make sure it says warhammer 40 000 so i can delete it all right before i have to read it oh paul don't don't be so mean. Now, this long one definitely

to me looks like it's sort of like a weapon range. Mate, you know what it is? It's what I call a metus opener. It's a metus opener. It's the metus lever. You put it in. Tip, tap, tip, a little bit wider. You spread the metus.

You pour some hot wax down there. Fondant. Melted fondant. I dribble honey down the shaft, and it goes dribble, dribble, and I have a succulent honey-drenched penis. How would you think that is? I'm going to say 75p. Oh, I'll go for a flat round quid then. Flat round quid?

Yeah. Paul says flat round quid. Eli says 0.75 quid. Next item is this. This is a seven-inch single. This is a very bad seven-inch single. Yes. This is Heartbeat from the Yorkshire TV series,

Knitberry. This was a big number, wasn't it? It was like number one, I'm sure. Was this a cover? Because is Heartbeat a cover or was it an original song? Heartbeat, why do you skip when my baby misses me? It's like an Adam Faithy 60s kind of thing, isn't it? It sounds like an early sort of rock and roll.

But is it an original? If I see who the writing credit is, maybe I could tell. I don't know. No, it says Montgomery and Petty, who do sound like Tim Pan Alley. Yeah, they do, actually. But you don't know. It definitely was a... Was it like a Cliff Richard hit in the 50s?

We're going to have to know. We have to know, Paul. Okay. According to Wikipedia, Heartbeat is a rockabilly song originally recorded by Bob Montgomery and credited to Norman Petty. It was recorded most famously by Buddy Holly in 1958. Buddy Holly.

The B-side was well all right. It was covered and reached the top ten twice in the UK. Firstly in 1975 for Who Do You Think? Who Do You Think would release this in the UK in 1975? Like Shawaddy Daddy. Shawaddy Dad. Oh, I got it. Shawaddy Doddy. Shawaddy Doddy, not Shawaddy Daddy. It's Shawaddy

Daddy, isn't it? Which sounds like one of our characters. Isn't it Shawaddy Daddy? No, it's Shawaddy Waddy. Shawaddy Waddy. Yeah. Who got it to number seven, and then in 1992, Nick Berry recorded the theme to the TV series Heartbeat and it reached number two. Now Heartbeat, the actual TV TV series was a sort of period thing Cliff Richard did also do a cover of it but it didn't chart but it didn't chart fucking Cliff Richard trying to jump on the bones of Buddy Holly there Holly's did it Hank Marvin did a cover oh it was a big it was a kind

of almost a standard rock and roll ballad yeah francis it's got it's nice nice enough sort of tune yeah it's got that vibe interesting but heartbeat the tv show um was uh was a period thing wasn't it was set back in the 60s it was about a cop who i think he's like a city cop who goes to some village in the 60s and then you know what happened to nick berry well does he still work these days he might do bits and bobs i don't know he was quite famous wasn't for a while? He was a heartthrob and this is his big post EastEnders acting breakout. And everyone was saying, oh, Nick Berry was the first person

to ever get a number one being a cast member of EastEnders. And apparently that's not true because if you want to be anal about it, you know that song, Come Outside, the old 1960s song, Come Outside.

Had Anita Dobson on it. It had Wendy Richards. Wendy Richards, of course. Playing the Cockney girl who sings, I don't want to come outside. It had Wendy Richards. Wendy Richards, of course. Playing the Cockney girl who sings, I don't want to come outside. Oh, I see. That one. Wendy Richards did a lot of work in the 60s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mostly known for comedy until she did EastEnders. Also, Paul. Yeah. Nick Berry also sang the lyric version of the EastEnders theme. No, he didn't. That was Anita Dobson. Oh, but he...

What did he have? He had an EastEnders period single as well. No, this is it. This is the hit he had. Oh no he did have a hit but it wasn't this and it came after he left eastenders okay oh i've got to look up nick fucking berry now hang on nick berry was born in 1963 a retired english actor and pop singer he's retired now best known as simon wicks from eastenders he appeared in heartbeat and he sang in 1986 Every Loser Wins. That's the one I was thinking of. La la la, fucking ballad.

But that wasn't to the, that wasn't the one that was to the EastEnders theme. No, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Barry took a break from EastEnders to tour and make an album from which the number one single

Every Loser Wins came out in 86. The song was heavily featured within EastEnders in a plotline referred to as The Band in which the youths of Albert Square within EastEnders and a plotline referred to as The Band in which the youths of Albert Square formed

the pop group and performed the songs on screen. Yeah. It was the second biggest selling single in the UK that year remaining at number one

for three weeks. Its composers Simon May, Stuart James and Bradley James each received an Ivan or Velo award. For that. Yeah.

The self-titled album called Every Loser Wins was released but was never released in CD. When did you say 86? 86. It's the crossover when when cds are just coming in he had his own production company called valentine's thing but you see i knew it was it was tied into eastenders in some way a little bit yeah i didn't know it was that featured into it but i guess they thought here's how we can sell it by making the audience buy it yeah it worked

anyway that's a terrible thing that's three items and we got three to go i need you now to guess the price first please just a thought 50p is that your final yeah 50p 50p because i don't charity shops wouldn't randomly give it a 75p it'd be 50p or a pound wouldn't it paul yeah did ash mention where nottingham charity shop that's okay so it's going to be possibly lower prices slightly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But hard to tell. I'm going to say a quid because I think they're just all a quid now.

Yeah, they are. Well, you're saying 50p though. I know, but I'm agreeing with your statement. I can still agree with your statement and offer a different price. Fine. All right? Fine. They're still flat on the table in terms of logic.

I didn't want to get fractious. It's fine. I'm having a good time. I'm glad that we're still doing this after all these years, Paul. And I hope, you know, let's have many more years of this great fun that I have on a Monday with you.

Suck my dick. Carry on. 15 minutes. Come on, roll it, roll it, roll it, roll it. How much have you said? Fine. I've said a quid. Next item.

Yeah. Now, this is something. I used to have loads of these as a kid. A little handheld game, sort of in the very of very general style of a nintendo game and watch it's a systema lcd game worse than tiger and that is saying something because these games are the most generic possible this is a car one left right dodge the cars beat beat beat ding ding ding ding ding you play it for 50 seconds you put it down and it makes annoying

noises at the bottom of your cupboard for the rest of its existence. I never saw these ones. I quite like the design. It's very 80s, isn't it? Extremely 80s with sort of gridded bits and little wings. It's got a little kickstand at the back as well. Triangular buttons. Yeah. And it's got a little kickstand. Red and black plastic thing. It's not

something you'd want to play, but it is also a watch. That's why it's got the kickstand. And it has an alarm clock. Which means it probably plays some kind of beethoven tune on the hour you know so this is sort of two rungs down from nintendo is that what you're saying oh many rungs down from a game and watch game and watches you know were simple in themselves but they also knew how to work the lcd components in to make better and more interesting games certainly as they developed did gaming watches have the alarm clock aspect yeah yeah as well that's what they call game and watch the watch part yeah i understand that but i just didn't know they had the way as far as as they developed. Did Game & Watches have the alarm clock aspect? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they call Game & Watch.

The watch part. Yeah, I understand that. But I just didn't know they went as far as having an alarm clock. So how much do you think that is then? There's not much to talk about

because there's not much to play with it. It's just, as Ashen's would say, it's one of those, not Pop Station things, but it's in that realm. I can see the LCD still displaying.

Does it still work? Yeah. It still works. Crazy. I'm not getting any sound out of it though. Well, probably for the best because it probably is for the best.

Once it gets going. Now, I need to guess the price of this. This is funny. If I'd known this was coming up, I would have done the guesses the other way around because I want you to... You've definitely got a better idea. Well, I'm just pulling out these randomly now. Oh no, it's... Oh no. What? Did you hear that? Did it beep? Yeah.

I'll have to smash it. Don't smash it. I want it. I'm putting it on my shelf. If it beeps, I'll smash it. So get it out. I heard it. You keep it out,

you fucking shite. He's got a real anger towards Systema. You fucking warthog. Handhelds. Warthog. I think that's going to be £1.50.

I'm going to go with a quid. It won't stop beeping now, Paul. Yeah, well, I'm going to have to smash it. Don't smash it. I'll just put it in the other room, okay? All right, we'll hurry up there to get through this segment. How am I going to get it to stop? I'm not picking it up right now.

How am I going to get it to stop? Give it here. How do I get it to stop? Give it here. Don't smash it. I think you might have pressed start. It was just playing the game and playing out. It was doing something.

I'm surprised it works as well as it does all these years later. I'm going to say two quid. I'm going to go with one. You say one. I say two. Round and round. Nice and nice. Nice.

An annual. Dick Barton's secret agent. Never heard of it. Never heard of this. I've heard of it, but I didn't know what it... Who played Dick Barton? Who's that guy? I recognise these guys.

I don't recognise any of them. Is that... Wait, no. Is that Brian Cox? No. It looks a bit like him, but it's not. Wow, Dick Barton's special agent. Who was he? So originally, Dick Barton's special agent

was a radio thriller on BBC between 46 and 51. However, it did become a TV show in the 70s. In 1979, Southern Television, one of the smaller ITV networks, made a series of Dick Barton's special agent shows, which ran in an early evening slot on the itv network like the original it ran in 15 minute segments and was again accompanied by the familiar theme tune the title was playing against an animated dagger and target motif Dick Barton, Special Agent. Dick, Jock and Snowy have foiled Muller in his bid for world power.

George Cameron's dreadful formula has been destroyed forever. dreadful formula has been destroyed forever. Dick has received a very mysterious phone call from his Aunt Agatha. That's where I know it from, the theme tune. You see that in charity shops on 7-inch, the Dick Barton thing. Oh, I've never come across it. Yeah.

Interesting. It's nothing, is it? It's sort of like a little throwback to a sort of the serial, like a Flash Gordon or when they used to have those little 15-minute serials. That's quite a nice thing. Beginning in 1948, Hammer Company made three Dick Barton movies, which I didn't know. And the show was eventually replaced by The Archers on BBC Radio.

It was devised by... Well, I'd rather listen to a bloody detective thing than The Fucking Archers. I'll tell you that right now. Do you know what I mean? The show was originally devised by a producer called Norman Collins. The programme gave rise to a popular catchphrase in the 1940s, with one bound, Dick was free. Which, you know... Which you say when you've been

on a date yeah come in love oh with one bound dick is free right anyway yes which made light of the fact that no matter how dangerous the cliffhanger dick found himself in every evening he would always escape easily again it's at the very beginning of the next episode it's just that's how they work isn't it cliffhangers it, oh, it was a cliffhanger. Oh, it doesn't matter. Yeah, the biggest audience for the show... Wasn't it a real cliff? No, the biggest audience for the show was schoolboys.

So the BBC wrote a strict code of what Dick and his chums could and couldn't do, with one clause famously stating, sex plays no part in his adventures. And with one bound, Dick was put back in the pants. But Tuck tucked in. Tucked right in. Pressed against the fabric of his tighty whities

so yeah and it was cancelled in the 50s for the Archers Revivals there was another radio show in the 70s and then the TV series came

and that was it yeah and it was kind of like very early 1900s spy adventures right oh it was espionage rather than crime

was it yeah but I'm pretty sure it was pulpy yeah you know so it was all to do with the hun. Let's have a look at the annual.

It looks quite sort of... I mean, I presume it's full of articles. ...reasonably high production. This is obviously an annual from the 70s TV show, but it has bits in there, I noticed, about the radio show. Tony Vogel, the special agent who wants to be a farmer. I see.

So special views with the actors. Well, who's Dick Barton? Anthony Heaton. Rules of conduct. Barton is an intelligent, as well as hard-hitting. He relies just as much on his brains as his brawn.

He only uses force where normal, peaceful means of reaching a legitimate goal have failed. There's lots of bloody things. Swearing in bad language generally may not be used by any character.

This ban ranges from bloody to God, damn and hell, to ugly expressions currently heard in certain conversations but not considered admissible for child usage

in middle-class homes. Why is that so prescriptive? They're weird. Are they making light of it in the 70s annual? This is the code for the program makers. From the 40s.

From the BBCs in the 40s, yeah. Barton has now given up drink completely. No reference should ever be made to the existence of alcohol in Barton's circle. The villains make drink but never to excess.

Drunken scenes are barred. Fine. He can deceive but never lie. Now, Paul, look at the back cover for me. Supernatural sequences are to be avoided. Yeah, no, no.

It's like modern China. No ghost stories. And Barton must never under any circumstances get his dick wet doesn't say that it does not say his dick and with that dick came with one bound dick was free and with one shuffle dick spewed fondant with one rubbly thumb on his nub and he got his cum out dick said fuck this i'm having a drink and then fucking came all over fuck this ghost how much do you think

that is Paul one thing doesn't that guy look like someone who's been on Grange Hill yeah he looks like one of the bad

teachers from Grange Hill you'll see there's three of them on the cover well there'll be photos on the website on the website so how much I'm going to say

a quid for that it's your go to guess first yeah you're going to go anything more interesting than that no I honestly think these are going to be quite round numbers you're just going to say quid yeah I'm going to guess first. Anything more interesting than that? No, I honestly think these are going to be

quite round numbers. You're just going to say quid. Yeah, I'm going to say 0.75. My second guess. Or 75p. 0.75 pounds.

75p. That's right. Say 75p. I don't want to say anything you make me say. I don't want to say anything.

I can say. I'll make Eli say it. No, don't. 75p. Put Eli Doppeldicker back. Dopp say it. No, don't... 75 people. Put Eli Doppeldicker back. Doppel... Doppeldicker. Yeah, that's his new name. Eli Doppeldicker.

Eli Doppeldicker douche. Right. The final item. What? You... A quid. Oh, right, yeah. Okay, this is it.

Number six. The final item. Rocky the Singing Lobster. Oh, God. This red, hot shellfish shakes sings and dances oh my god it is a giant box

with a big oh I hate big automated lobster on a plaque is he so you hang him on the wall oh no he's on a rock that is quite good there's no batteries in it

but look it comes to life and it moves oh I don't like the touch of it oh I it's got a weird rubber thing going on I don't like it it's quite a rubbery lobster this is a don't like the touch of it. It's got a weird rubber thing going on. It's quite a rubbery lobster. This is a great item.

Can't even open it because it's got fucking screws in it. There was a toy like this that was a big hit. Do you remember, Paul? Yeah, Billy Bass Face Fish. That's right, Billy Bass, the singing fish. But there was also in the 80s those dancing flowers and Coke cans. Remember that? This is crazy.

It's a big red lobster on a rock. It sings Do Wah Diddy and Rock the Boat. Probably covers. And it's a big red lobster on a rock it sings do or diddy and rock the boat probably covers and it's got a motion sensor so when you go past it it sings one of those two songs takes four double a's and uh what's a horrible thing features synchro motion technology features synchro motion cutting edge technology and animation which utilizes specific design electronic components to synchronize the notion of the mouth to words or phrases making an object come to life magically i'm gonna say two quid for that no it's not my guess first all right you do your guess

you've ruined this now come on why can't you stick to the fucking rules man because you are a kind of distraction to my sensibilities what sensibilities my sensibilities of normalcy you have no sensibilities of normal i'm bringing you down yeah i'm i'm to blame you are my groose projection moi you are my groose you're projecting this right through a foreskin and it's a sunset and then there's a little little cowboy little cowboy gross one last thing about this lobster yeah he is very rubbery and the paint and the rubber just reminds me of 80s horror yeah 80s budget horror yeah you know what i mean that wobbly horror thing it looks like a wet puppet yeah yeah wet puppet yeah it's got a wet

puppet feel yeah it's not a nice thing no but it'll we're going to re-gift it, I guess. Yeah, we'll give it to a charity shop around the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. How much do you think then? I'm going to go £2.25. All right. How much have I come up with altogether so far? You want an addition?

Yeah, just out of interest. Okay, you have £5.50. Oh, then I'll say £2 then. And you said £2.25. I'm playing it. I'm trying to get those betwings, mate. All right, no, it's good. I'm glad you're playing the game.

I'm taking it serious. After this short break, we are going to reveal the prices to this. Shites us. Another break we're having. Yes. This is 78 minutes

that we've just done. I'm sorry, mate. I'm going to have to cut out all that racist stuff you did. Don't start! All that sexist stuff you did. I don't do... I'm going to have to cut out that bit

where you showed me your willy, which I thought was disgusting. I'm going to have to cut out all that stuff about you punching mini Eli doppel dangler. I'm going to have to cut out all that stuff about you punching mini Eli doppel dangler I'm going to have to cut out doppel dicker

I'm going to have to cut out that bit where you wiped your dirty arse on the clean sheets hanging up there because you thought this would be good

for the con he's trying to shame me with stuff I didn't do everyone and I hope you understand that that line of coke

you took as well here we go so what I've been racist sexist shat myself and did a lot of drugs yeah illicit drugs in this segment i have to cut all of that out now why do you have to do this to me you know i have a life outside of this podcast and i try to do things no you don't if you

did i don't care anyway i do paul no i don't care i do all stuff for you and this yeah and i get this is what i get you're trying to shame me. I don't need you no more. I've got a little doppel-dangler Eli. Doppel-dicker Eli's for you. Hello, Paulie. You're off. We'll just do podcasts together.

Oh, we will. Listen, he's protecting the betweens. All right. We'll come back to him in a second. It's time for the results of the Price of Shite. The Price of Shite. That's right. That's right. That's the right Price of shite. The price of shite. That's right. That's right.

That's the right price of shite tonight. And we're going to play it right now tonight. Oh, that's right. I keep discouraging Paul. This is the most I've been discouraged on recording in a long time. Come on, mate. It's been fun. And that's a writer.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a writer. Right. It's time to get the answers. That's a rider. That's a rider. It's time to open the answers. Eli. Oh, I'll tell you what.

Eli. Doppel dangler Eli. Double dick dangler Eli. Hello, Paul. Here are the answers to the price of that. I have protected them nicely and securely. Yes, you have. And for that, you get a little kiss.

Oh, shut up. Hello, Paul. Your so sweet tender kisses make me feel loved in a way I've never felt before. I didn't love... That's all right, because I've got a song for you. And it goes like this. No, I can't be asked shut up put doppel dick dangler Eli down there it's fine he's underneath your nuts he is he is inspecting my gooch area for cobwebs Paul what point system are we using to a point that's a betwings for here today you get two

betwings if it's spot on you You get one betwing if you're 25p either way, higher or lower than the actual price. Okay, that's it. So there are six items. So possible betwings, if you got every price

spot on, you would have 12 betwings. Oh, that's good, isn't it? Anything from zero to 12 betwings. This could be a big or low winning round. I don't think it's going

to be that good. Right. I'm hoping for three betwings, I think. Shall I do it in order of the letter or order of the way we went through them? Let's do it for the order we went through them. Okay. Do you remember what order we did? Yes, we started with

the Queen Mum memorabilia. So how much did you say? Queen Mum memorabilia, I said £1.10. And I said what? £2. Oh, it was £2. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Two quid. I get two betwings and Eli gets... What's that?

I'll pull you out of my gooch. Nothing. That's right, Eli. Fuck off. All right, we'll see. Next item. Fucking two quid for that lot. What's that?

Yeah, I know. The next item we had was the Warhammer templates. That's right. Warhammer 40,000 templates. You said what? Point 75. And I said what? Around a quiddo. Ohhammer 40,000 templates. You said what? 0.75. And I said what? Around 0 quid.

Oh, mate, it's a quid. Another quid there for me. Ding, ding, ding. That's two. And how many do you get? I get one there. You get one there. I do get one.

Thank you there, little Eli. You've got four. I've got one going into the third item. Next item. The third item was the heartbeat from the Yorkshire TV series Nick Berry 7-inch single. Right, okay. And how much did you say?

I said a quid. I said what? 50p. It was 25p. No, you said 50p. I said a quid. No. Okay, either way, we're wrong.

It was 25p. But it means you get one between there, don't you? Do I? Yeah, 25p. Oh, yeah, then I get it between. It was 25p. It was 25p? It was 25p.

You're totally owning me. This is a genuine surprise. Maybe it's because I don't care this week and I've let the kind of the id of the situation flow in. You've scored a lot of per twings

already. So what was the next one then? The next one was the game. The little video game thing. Oh, wait, you know what? It's not one of the items on the list. The little video game thing. Oh, wait, you know what? It's not one of the items on the list. It was just in there. It's probably for you then.

You can have that if you want it. Wasn't it for you? No. We didn't have to guess. What do you mean it's not one of the items? So that's five items? There's only five, not six. Well, did you say how much it was then?

No. We just wasted time. Fucking hell. I might even cut it all out. Right, so we go straight to the fifth item, which was the annual, right? Dick Barton annual, yes. How much did you say?

I said 75p. You said a full quid. Then it is 50p, so you get a per twing there. I get the one per twing there. Yeah, nicely done. 50p it was, was it? 50p, yeah. Finally.

Rock lobster. Horrific rock singing lobster. Yeah. You said two quid. I said £2.25. And the price was? It was £2. So I get another two per twinks and you get one at least.

Fuck me. So how much at the end of all that did it go for? Paul, at the end of that, you have made over five items. You have made seven per twinks. You've knocked it out of the park there. Gannon's back with a vengeance. You really are. He's knocking it out.

What's going on there? Crazy. And I did three. I told you. Didn't I predict I would get three? I said I'd be happy with three. Careful what you dream about. Careful what you wish for.

Careful what you ask for. You may get exactly what you want. I've been trounced. Would you like me to voice your petwings for you? I would love that. Do you want me to go first since you've had the least amount of petwings? Tell you what,

Eli, little Eli, Doppeldangler's going to give you your petwings. Dickie I would love that. Do you want me to go first since you've had the least amount of betwings? Tell you what, Eli, little Eli, Doppel Dangler's going to give you your betwings. Dickie Doppel Dangler Eli. Dickie Doppel Dangler Eli mini man. Dush, dush. Here he goes. Here he goes. Eli, this is for you. Betwing.

Betwing. A zippy betwing. Shut up. Right, do you want yours now, Paul? What's that? What's that little mini doppelganger Eli? You can't go down there. I haven't wiped it today. Stop having sex with my doppelganger.

You'd like the smell of my scat. Well, if that's what you want, little dangler-dongler Eli, let me put you right back down the crack. Please don't do that. Look, don't actually do that, please. Release the Kraken. Here we go. Backdoor fondant.

Backdoor chocolate fondant. So now I want my seven betwings from you. I'm your backdoor fondant, baby. He's my backdoor fondant. Like a rhinestone cowboy through the foreskin sunset. Rind. The rind. The rhinestone.

The smeggy, greasy rind. Oh, you've made me think about that horse's foreskin disease now again. Horse's foreskin. Isn't that an old sitcom? Horse's foreskin. Horses for foreskins. Isn't that an old sitcom?

Horses for skin. Horses for foreskins. Oh, shit. All right. Seven betwings, please. Seven well-earned betwings. Betwing, betwing, betwing, betwing, betwing, betwing. A betwing.

I'll take him. Well done. Thank you. Thanks, Ash. Yeah, thank you, Ash, for a lovely bounty of proper shite oh and gone who's that that was the doorbell who's that

can you get that please because I don't want to I need to go for a piss anyway it's obviously Leaky Cakes I'll just let them in I need to take a slash alright Leaky Cakes swap sorry about this ladies and gentlemen

we've got to let them in yeah it's just over there on the left you've got the key yeah ok fine just go through it's fine we're not recording

at the moment oh alright Ken alright I'm uh actually uh Dan little Danny Boy

Sprinkles they don't call me Ken anymore how many pseudonyms have you got isn't your company called Leaky Ken Removal

it's Leaky Ken Logistics oh okay removals is a subdivision right yes can you clean out that shit from that room we'll deal with anything pseudonyms have you got? Isn't your company called Leaky Ken Removal? It's Leaky Ken Logistics. Oh, okay. Removals is a subdivision. Right. Yes. Can you clean out that shit from that room then?

Right. So where is the... It's down the corridor just on the left-hand side if you're going out the bottom. Okay. I don't have a key though. I've got a key.

It was provided by Mr. Brandofsky provided a key. I still don't understand why he gave you a key and not us. It's all fucking flat. Well, they want to recover

a lot of this stuff has a high value on the market. What stuff have they got in there? Well, there's that mahogany tiki wood panelling. It's carved. How have they got the money to afford a tiki bar?

Oh, Brandovsky's got his fingers in a lot of pies. Don't want to say anything because he's my employer here. But, you know, I'm Danny Boy Sprinkles if anyone asks. Okay, I mean,

I tune out on that shit because I can't keep up. But, you know, I'm Danny Boy Sprinkles if anyone asks. Okay, I mean, I tune out on that shit because I can't keep up. You call yourself whoever you fucking want and I'll just nod. Now, just a couple of questions. It's through here, is it? Yes, down there

on the left-hand side. And the swimming pool and the jacuzzi room is down there. What do you mean? There's no jacuzzi or swimming pool in there, is there? Now, do you want us

to turn the pump off, the pump system off? Because you might have some problems later on with drainage. What pump system? Well, it's a whole pump system that's... We didn some problems later on with drainage well there's a it's a whole

pump system we didn't ask for them to put a pool in that room it's not and also there's the heating do you want to

keep the pool warm this is a rented property they're not meant to put pools in there at all and also there's

all the electronics I don't know if you want us to strip it all out strip it all out strip it all out we don't want any more shit in there right so we'll just we'll move it all out before you go though I it all out if they we don't want any more shit in there

right so we'll just we'll move it all out before you go though I've heard that they've got a cheese wagon can we keep that cheese wagon yeah can we keep that

oh no absolutely not they've it's specified to me here I've got it written down here actually it says cheese wagon must be recovered

in full with cheeses so we'll be putting that in our special bags oh no don't let us have the cheese wagon you can't have the cheese wagon you can't

it's your podcast I understand that but I'm just here to do a job now before I get on with the job yeah before we go down there I've got my little

my little friend Elper there he doesn't say anything don't worry about him no good he's Droplet Fred they call him Droplet Fred yeah

no wonder he's silent he is he's mute actually so don't and don't because he gets angry if you talk about it talk to him don't talk to don't look Droplet Fred? Yeah. No wonder he's silent. He is. He's mute, actually. So don't... Because he gets angry if you talk about it. Talk to him. Don't talk to... Don't look Droplet Fred in the eye. I won't look Droplet Fred in the eye.

But he's looking. You can see the muscles on him. Yeah, he's a big guy. Droplet Fred, he can move stuff, right? That's what he's here for. So what happened to Drip Drop Dan? Drip Drop Dan's back at the office. Oh, okay. Back at the office. He does the phones now, since his injury. He had that little groin.

And is he still working with CP Simon? Oh, CP Simon. CP Simon, eh? Yeah, I know CP Simon. He's laughing. CP Simon, eh? He's laughing. Now, anyway, we'll get on with that.

It's fine. Thank you. We'll turn the pump off, everything. We'll get it all cleaned out for you. Right, that's what we do. Do you need, just while I'm here, we'll turn the pump off, everything, we'll get it all cleaned out for you. Right, that's what we do. Do you need, just while I'm here, any sort of sprinkles

or little droplets? We're all right, mate. We're all good. No, we're all right. What's that? Oh, hang on. Little doppel dangler Eli said something.

What's that? A little, who's that? His voice has changed. I can see. He'd like to know if he could have a little droplet just on his chinny chin chin. Well, he'll have to call the office. I can see. He'd like to know if he could have a little droplet just on his chinny-chin-chin.

Well, he'll have to call the office. I mean, we don't... Well, then why are you offering it if you're not going to offer it now? I'm saying I'll give you my card. Leaky Ken Logistics. We only do... We work to scale, you know?

I'd really like a few droplets. I'm not going to fucking put a little... I'm not going to waste a little... a cum droplet on the head of that doll. I've got good money. Oh, is he talking... The doll is now talking to Leaky Ken. I'm not going to waste a little cum droplet on the head of that doll. I've got good money. Oh, is he talking?

The doll is now talking to you. I forgot there was an option. I've got good money. How about you do a bit of job on the side? Can you take me out the alleyway? Yes. Give me a few droplets on my chin. That's fine, yes. We can take you out with the fridge.

How about £400? What will £400 get you? £400 will get you quite far. Will it get you a drop or a splodge? It will get you a whole raft of splodges. Oh. Where are you getting that money from? Oh, I'm getting it for Brandovsky.

Right, I'll leave you two to it. What do you mean, Brandovsky? What's going on? You shouldn't be getting money from him. I'll leave you two to it then, shall I? Can I eat your arsehole out, please, Paul? Come on, Fred. Droplet Fred, come on.

Oh, come on, Paul. Let me eat that arsehole out. It's toffee time. It's toffee time. Right, we go. We'll just leave you two. All right, Let me eat that arsehole out. It's toffee time. It's toffee time. Right, we go. We'll just leave you two. All right, yeah, that's fine. We're going to have toffee time.

Yeah, go over there. And again, you're just going to need to go. Yeah, no, second door. Second door on the left. That's right. Right. So they're moving all that stuff out. They're going to move it now.

So we're going to take a break and then me and him are going to do some toffee time. So we're going to do that now. I love toffee time. Let's're going to do that now. I love toffee time. Let's go do toffee time, little Eli. All right, we've got it all packed up. We're out. So I left you my card there.

Cheers, man. Any problems, just call the governor. All right, see you. Bye. All right, and that's it. That's a cheap shot of the way. Eli, they've cleaned out the whole of that space now. So we've got that room back. Well,, and that's it. That's Cheap Show out the way. Eli, they've cleaned out the whole of that space now

so we've got that room back. Well, that's a relief, isn't it? Yeah, just a bit. I mean, I don't even know how far down it goes. It goes down. I don't want to know. It goes down a long way.

I don't want to know. Creepy. It's a bit creepy with everything pulled out. Yeah, it's like a liminal space now, isn't it? It's very liminal, especially the swimming pool area.

Oh, I don't like it. It's drained at least. Yeah, it's drained. So am I, as I've been throughout most of this episode. Right. One-stop shop for all Cheap Show thing. You want to see pictures to accompany this episode? The Cheap Show website. You want to know about

merchandise from our artists who have their own Redbubble pages? Go to our website. If you want to see videos, go to our website. If you want latest information and bits and bobs, it's on our website. If you want a link to Aven's magazines, the Cheap Show magazines, it's on our website if you want a link to events magazines the cheap show magazines it's on our website and that website is thecheapshow.co.uk hey and maybe you're listening to this and thinking hey maybe i'll give you a little bit of money to help you keep going that would be lovely we have a patreon

patreon.com forward slash cheap show as i say give what you can but please only if you can if you can't just help spread the word support the podcast in your own little way uh we're on twitter at the cheap show pod I'm at Paul Gannon show and Eli is Eli Snoyd which is spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D oh shit just a quick thing as well I forgot to mention we are doing a Halloween Twitch stream on Halloween night UK time 8pm on our cheap show etc twitch channel if you want to join us 8 p.m uk time we're going to be joined by digitizers mr biffo and a few other surprises and join us for two hours of spooky fun on halloween night it's going to be fun on twitch

but there'll be links on our website and on social media and on Facebook and on Twitter. So keep an ear out and join us that Halloween night. Right, I'll go now. Bye. Sorry. Oh, I should have mentioned it in the episode. A bit awkward now doing it all by myself. Oh, God. Oh, deary me. Join us Halloween night. Paul, is it too late in the show for a kissy?

I didn't like that. I was happy to give you a kiss. Paul Dexter will be back next time. Paul Dexter's dead. No, he hasn't. I killed Paul Dexter. You're Paul Dexter. Paul Dexter.

Yeah, that's his name. I've killed him. Oh, well, that's interesting, isn't it? So, shall you and me be lovers, Eli Silverman? Eli Silverman, shall we kiss? Let's kiss. This has never been done before on podcast. Will we be together forever?

Yeah, if you want. Paul, please stop now. I'm so lonely. He's talking to this. It's really quite weird. I just want love. I'll give you love. I'll give you all the love you want. Well, I'm just gonna look out this window and dream

of a future with you together. Alright, well, I'll do that then. Just stand by the window. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! No! A little doppler dangler Eli's fallen out the window! Oh, fuck's sake.

Oh, no. Shut up. We didn't discuss this. My heart, my love. Fucking sit down and say goodbye to everyone. No, I don't want to. I don't want to sit down and do anything again. Your ideas have not worked.

Ever again. Your ideas have not worked this week. No, they haven't worked. You wouldn't go with my sunset by shining a light through a distended foreskin. Let's just agree that in the Pounding a Cheap Show

episode, this one's low. This one's low on the ground. Okay. Yes, but why did you make it worse by going on and on? Because I hate myself.

I know. I hate myself. I know you do. You can never hate me. I know. More than you hate me. Yes. I don't know why.

That's where all hate comes from. Can we say goodbye to everyone now? Thanks for supporting us. Thanks for listening, everyone. Paul. I'll make you a nice cup of tea, yeah, with the milk in first. He's picked up little Eli Doppeldinger again.

Oh, it's the ghost of Eli, Eli Doppeldinger again. Oh, it's the ghost of Eli Doppeldinger. Oh, fucking shut up. I'll love you in heaven forever. Okay, good. Goodbye,

everyone. Thanks, Paul. Oh, Paul. You're so terrible. How can you ruin my beautiful 50s dreamboat

love story tragedy? Press the fucking button, please. dreamboat love story tragedy press the fucking button please