CheapShow - Ep 329: Peas, Popcorn And Ptwings

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

It’s Eli’s view that Paul only wants to do another Price of Shite segment again this week because he’s desperate to catch up on P’twings. Not true. Paul picked another Price of Shite selection because his bedroom is full of PO Boxes, and he wants to make some ruddy space! No matter who you believe, at least Paul and Eli are pitted against each other this time, making for yet another hotly contested round of the age old CheapShow favourite! It’s packed with tat, crap, and a few things of genuine interest too. Less interesting are the snacks vying to get into the illustrious Snack Palace. Will Peatos slip in through the front door, or be cast out onto the street? And what about that hot sauce popcorn? How will it be judged? You can find out in this week’s jolly romp. PS. Where are the towels? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-329-peas-popcorn-ptwings And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! URINEVISION 2023 is coming, so catch up with our 2021 episode: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-232-urinevision-2021 Send your entries to [e-mail] before 5th May 2023! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello, everybody. Hello, everyone. My name is Paul Gannon. I'm Eli Silverman. And we produce and present and deliver a podcast every Friday called Cheap Show. This is it again. This is it again. It's another Friday.

I'm Paul Gannon. I'm Eli Silverman. And this is the Cheap Show podcast that we do every Friday with me, Paul Gannon. And me, Eli Silverman. And it's an economy comedy podcast where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and discount stores of Great Britain. All abroad. All abroad. All abroad. Ding, ding.

All abroad. And I'm Paul Gannon. And this is Cheap Show. And welcome to a weekly podcast about the things we find in charity shops, bargain bins and discount stores across the UK. All abroad. I'm Paul Gannon. And I'm Eli Silverman. And this is Cheap Show.

Welcome to the Economy Comedy Podcast, where each week, me, Paul Gannon. And me, Eli Silverman. Discount stores for your ears. For your ears. For your ears, everybody. Welcome to this week's episode. I'm Eli Silverman. And I'm Paul Gannon.

Welcome to this week's episode. I'm Eli Silverman. And I'm Paul Callan. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Cheap Show. It's the price of shite.

Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheat Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Paul, what do we have coming up on this week's edition of the show? Oh, no foreplay from Eli today. It's pants down, whip it out, down whip it out get it in get it up cry go to sleep with eli silfman it is a cheap show episode i'm paul cannon this is don't please and this is a podcast um so yes what have we got

traditionally what i say is what have we got coming up on the show well this week on the show we have another price of shite. Price out of Shite. I know we only did it last week, but I was snuffling through my box of trinkets, and I came across a box. And then once I wiped the book off, I found one. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Paul, you can admit it to me and all of our listeners.

I am shit, and I've been creatively barren for about 20 years. Yes, we know about that. But no, you can admit that you were a little bit jealous of the heavy petwingage that I scored last week and there was no opportunity for you to even have

a single petwing. No, but... Not even the slightest chance. By the very nature, the structure, the format of this last week. And so you thought, oh, there's a prize to try.

Then you thought, I've got a hunger. I've got a hunger for the petwangers i wanted a patwanga quite bad needed a patwing is when you get one in the moment a patwanga is the one you wanted to get oh i could have done with a patwanga right you've got a patwanging you've got a longing for the patwangings no it's it's a patwurning patwurningurning. Petwurning. Petwurning. Petwurning. This fucking... But you can admit that to us, can't you?

Yes. You do have whatever we end up calling it, but you've got a petwinge. I've got a yearning for a petwurning. Yes. So, it's fine. It's fine. It's a fundamental aspect of Cheap Show, and it goes back to the early days. Oh, the early days.

Price of Shite. Price of Shite. Which, Price of Shite. Yes. So we're going to be doing that this week and yes, it'll be a versus game

this week because I do not know the scores. All I'll say is, yeah, I was going to do a different episode today and then I saw this box

and I thought, let's get this one out because it's taken up space in my bedroom and I can't reach my clothes. So there's that going on and we've also got a little bit of snack time

beforehand just to wet the palate before we dive into a price of shite. I could do with a snack time. I could do without Monday morning getting up and yawning.

And we have the first song. We have the first song of the episode. I could do with a D. What are you even on about? Do you remember the advert for tea called D? Special D or whatever.

Oh, there was, yeah. Did you ever drink that tea? I can't remember. But I can't remember if it's USP. What was D's USP? It's tea. Yeah. It doesn't need it.

It tastes good. I could go without Sunday morning. It's like a caffeine tea. Was it just a good cup of tea to wake you up? Sorry, sorry. It was like a caffeine tea. Yeah, what if it's tea with caffeine? Oh, hang on.

Wasn't... Tea does have caffeine. All tea has caffeine. Although, to be fair, it has a lot less per teabag than a spoonful of coffee would have. Well, it's all a very exact science, that. And it can be surprising how much caffeine is in, you know, the coffee you buy in the street in a town. Well, it was that thing a few weeks ago, wasn't it?

It was Costa, wasn't it? Costa had the most, didn't it? And Starbucks had almost none. Yeah. Something like weird like that. But that wasn't it? It was Costa, wasn't it? Costa had the most, didn't it? And Starbucks had almost none. Yeah. Something like weird like that. But that wasn't what I used to think. I used to think Starbucks was the most.

No, well, there's the lie. They used to have that reputation. That's the lie. That's the lie. That's why they pump out all that fake coffee smell in the stores, don't they? What, Starbucks?

Yeah. Do they have fake coffee canisters? They pump it out. It makes it feel like you're drinking better coffee, but it's not true. I like that smell in Starbucks. Yeah, I've made that up.

It's actually not a real smell. You made that up. You fell for it. You didn't even go, wait, mate, that sounds suspicious. I'm going to go online and do some checking. No, you can believe that. You rolled along with that. People do a lot of aroma-based advertising.

And I've taught you a lesson now, haven't I? Don't they? Not to believe everything you hear. There's definitely fresh bread smell that they pump out in the bakery sections of supermarkets, isn't there? Yeah, it's like your bathroom at home as well. You pump out a fucking warm bread, a hot loaf smell there as well. That really gives an ambience to your fucking living quarters, doesn't it? Oh, what's that?

Is that like every burnt roast dinner I've ever smelled all at once? It's like bread sauce. No, what's that? Is that a cracked sewer pipe? We all fart. Yeah, but you and your flatmate more than most. I don't think that's true. You're obsessed with my flatulence.

I'm just going to point this out. My bathroom, right, where I drop my doings, doesn't have a line, boxes and boxes of, like, Jostics ready to burn off the smell. It's just because we're considerate flatmates. Your bathroom is just like a graveyard of Jostics.

You're saying all shit stinks, man. Who are you? Gillian McKeith? Yes. Your bumhole smells of poo-poo. Yes, Gillian. There's been shit out my bumhole. Like every other human who ever existed. Don't try and

tell me my farts smell worse or I'm more farty. Everyone's farty. Everyone has egg chuffs. Everyone has beefy odours. Yeah, but come on, mate. Not everyone has to load up their bathroom with half a tonne of Jostix

just to neutralise the stench of evil wafting from the smallest room in your house. Let's just agree there's three main categories of smell when it comes to farts, right? You've got the eggs. Egg, yeah. You've got beef. Then you've got nappy, what I want to call nappy.

You know, the real nappy. Or just poo. No, I kind of... Poo, nappy, egg, beef. It's more like sour cabbage. Onion. You know, that's what it is. It's egg, beef, sour cabbage.

That's what you want with a nappy type smell. I would actually eat that if it was food, though. What, so if you went into a greasy spoon restaurant, like, oh, yeah, I'll have the... Egg, beef, and sour cabbage. That sounds good. Egg, beef, and sour... I'll have a Brilda's tea as well.

I would literally eat egg, beef, and sour cabbage. Nice. Like kimchi. Great, well... What are we talking about? What are we doing? Oh, what are we doing on the show this week, Paul? Well, this is Cheap Show

the economy comedy podcast where I Paul Gannon and me Eli Silverman go for the bargain bins the charity shops and discount stores of Great Britain and we're doing snacks

and then we're doing a price of shite it's that simple so yes your envisaged entries are trickling in now excellent as I say

information in the metadata for this episode on your podcast app or on our website thechecheapshow.co.uk, or just email your track to thecheapshow at gmail.com. And just to remind everyone, we want only 20-minute pieces. 20, 25. If it's shorter than 25 minutes, we're not going to consider it. If you do it over 45, you've got a better chance of being on the show. Please send a week-long song that you do by yourself.

Please never stop. Just call me up and then you'll sing forever. If you keep going... We'll have you on the show. We'll have you on the show. Just call me up. Sing forever for us. Sing forever.

Natural lubrication. Spunk isn't actually lubrication, though. It is when you give out as much of it as I do. Pre-cum John. Yeah? He comes and lubricates in the night does he yes

he lubricates in the night he's pre-cab john he's pre-cab john no I see him he sprinkles and he comes down the stairs no I see him more like

he goes up the stairs no I see him more like the milk tray man you know milk tray man he's in a black jumper polo top

he comes in on a helicopter on a rope he swings in through a building. There's an empty bedroom there, but on the side, he leaves a little cup of spunk and then a little note saying, don't worry, darling.

I'm Danny Sprinkles. Danny Sprinkles is bidding gone. Dry, dry sprinkles. Yeah. And then he jumps out the window and back into his chopper. You know that line, life is like a box of chocolates.

Yeah. You never know what you're going to get. You've got to do a bit of stand-up now. Oh yeah, but you could just read the little paper that tells you what the chocolates are. I'm pretty sure I've heard that stand-up. I'm not saying that. Are you going to rip that off now? No, I wasn't actually. Go on then. Surprise me. I was going to say something else. What's your hot take on that Forrest Gump reference? It's a terrible quote.

Is it? I saw it in a tube the other day. It was like quote of the day. And it's like, life is not like a box of chocolate at all right for one thing you do know what you're gonna get with a box of chocolate it's gonna get a chocolate you know i mean you're gonna get a fucking chocolate yeah but you're not gonna you're not gonna know what type of chocolate well it's got a nut in it or it's got a fucking toffee you know that's not life's like the only way your life is like having no money starving to death in pain wow you know can be can't it the thing is that lot that sentence only makes sense if every chocolate in that box is wrapped and is shaped the same way so you literally don't know

what you're going to get when you unwrap it so what it's saying is if you blithely go through life not paying attention to things you never know what you're going to get. Whereas in truth, it would be like, if you do your research, look at the chocolate box to see what they have in there and what the wrapping colours mean, then you're going to figure out and make your way through life with some sort of semblance of rationale. But just more generally, you've bought or been given this box of chocolates. It's going to be chocolate.

It's going to be fucking chocolate. If it was like, life is like a box of something, you never know what you're going to get. Life is like a series of vents and you don't know exactly what's going to happen. It's not as poetic though, is it? It's not poetic. It's bullshit. Who wrote that shit?

I don't know. The guy who wrote the book probably, or at least wrote the script, whoever wrote the script. Oh, fuck him. Oh, fuck Forrest Gump. Didn't he write something else that was turned into a movie that was a lot less successful? Yes. Oh, good. I'm glad you put a bullet on that then.

There was also garp the world according to garp is that the same author i'm pretty sure it is that's the one where the guy gets a blow in the car there's a crack accident and then she bites his willy off or something isn't it wipes his willy or bites a big chunk of it oh she bites it off isn't that what happens she's giving him a blow job in the car then i said wipe it off not bite it off, not bite it off. Use your mouth to wipe it off. Oh, she bit it off. That's blood coming out, not spunk. I should have ended this

segment two minutes ago. Wipe it off. I don't know why you find that so amusing. Listen, let's crack on with the show. We've got a lot to get through. Oh, give up. Yum, yum, snappy, yum, yum, chap., snappy, snappy, yum, yum, chap. Yum, yum, snappy, snappy, yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, snacky, snacky, yum, yum, snack.

Snacky, snacky, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Yum, snacky, snack. Snacky, snacky, yum. Snack, snack, yum, yum, yum, yum, snack. Snacky, snacky, yum, yum, snack, snack, snack. It's our snack, yum, yum section of the show. It's our brand new segment where we snack and yum, yum our way through a bunch of snacky yum yums.

And then what do we say? Is it a snack or is it a hack? Is it a yum yum or a nom nom? Or a bum bum. Or a cum cum. Yeah.

Or yum yum mum. Mum yum yum yum cum cum. Snacky snacky mum mum snack snack snack! Right, so... I can smell, yum, yum. Come, come. Snacky, snacky, mum, mum. Snack, snack, snack. Right, so... I can smell that habanero. Do you want to just ruin it? Do you want to just ruin it?

Do you want to just ruin the segment? Do you want to lose all sense of surprise? Listen, I'm giving a little sizzle on the habanero popcorn. Right. Okay, so welcome to Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast where I and Eli Silverman... I'm me. I'm Eli Silverman. So we're doing a snack segment. It's our Cheap Eats segment. And it really... Oh, it's Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast where I and Eli Silverman go to the parking lot. I'm Eli Silverman.

So we're doing a snack segment. It's our cheap eat segment. And it really goes like this, doesn't it, really? A cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap, a cheap,, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. As you may have gathered, we're low on inspiration this week. Oh, mate, we've got a pack. But we have got some great snacks. So let's get the little packs of snacks out of the way first. Right.

These were all sent to us at, like, P.O. Boxed Up. This week was going to be a Black Bin Bag episode, and we're going to bag that for a later time. Bagging the Black Bin Bag episode. We're bagging the Black Bin Bag for a later date. So we're going to have a race through some Cheapity E the black bean bag episode. We're bagging the black bean bag for a later date. So we're going to have a race through some cheapity eats right for you now. Cheapity cheap cheap eats. And we've got these two things called pitos.

P-E-A-T-O-S and they are a jam of junk food taste that's plant based. That's... Ah. So these are... Crisps are plant based anyway. It's weird. Oh P as in P-E-A. Yeah P. So pitos. Not exactly wee. It wasn't like these are... Crisps are plant-based anyway. It's weird. Oh, P as in P-E-A. Yeah, P.

Not exactly we. It wasn't like these are we crisps. I thought it might be spelled P-E-T-O-S. No, P-E-A-T-O-S. Pick one you want to start with first. They're P-meal. Because there's crunchy no-cheese curls and crunchy onion rings. These are shit.

You don't know yet. We haven't had them yet. I can't reach them. Sorry. I haven't handed them to you yet hand them to me no tell me which one you want crunchy nose cheese curl nose cheese not no nose cheese i can produce some of that yeah of course you can uh let's try the onion rings first all right okay what's it say here pitos i don't like the name pitos are a remix of america's favorite snacks with all the junk food flavor and fun but made from good stuff i see so it's a very gimmicky product so these are vegan snacks basically aren't they which is why they have the nose cheese curls yes means they're

cheese adjacent but salt and cheese and onion flavored walkers paul yes don't have any cheese in do they yeah but don't they use like isn't isn't the way protein you're talking about yes that's why some vegetarians can't have them or vegans or at least you use animal fats or something to they don't i don't know if they do it now but i think they're vegan all right but fine but what i'm saying is back in the day it was more likely that a ready salted pack of crisps might not be suitable for vegetarians ready so it's always been suitable for vegans and vegetarians i don't't know. They don't cook crisps in fucking beef tallow,

do they? I don't know. Maybe they used to. I thought they did though. I thought they used to literally use animal fats. McDonald's used to use beef tallow

to make their chips. Did you know that? No, I did not know that. And they were fucking good. That's why they became the market leaders, people say. Because they had dirty chips.

Mate, it's a well-known fact in culinary circles, right? Yeah. The way you get best, your best chips are if you deep fry them people say because they had dirty chips mate it's a well known fact in culinary circles right yeah the way you get best your best chips are if you deep fry them in animal fat and then you deep

you fry them three times you know you do them once take them out drain them triple fry triple fry them triple fry guy gonna take you high

triple fry guy gonna take you high come on S Express da da da da da da da da da da the point I'm trying to make is let's just listen to S Express. The point I'm trying to make is... Let's just listen to S Express songs.

No, let's not. The point I'm trying to make about these pitos is... You've got to be careful how you pronounce that. I know. I've got a point about that after this as well. The issue I have is they're starting to say, oh, it's just like crisps, but it's vegan or it's healthy. But crisps are already vegan on the whole.

Also, let's come to the... You've probably seen this little comment at the bottom of the pack. It says, Product is enlarged to show feature. That's what I should put under a dick pic. Product has been enlarged to show features. Please have sex with me anyway. Please, look, it's so sad.

Product may be cleaner of all flecks of garbage. Product may appear closer in the rear window imagine if some penis coming up the rear window just driving along mind your own business flying weewees

do you remember that time we came home from a gig were you there with Joe when we were driving back from Plymouth or fucking something to London and then because we were hanging out with that hen group they gave us a big plastic cock so joe's idea was to put it on the bonnet of his car and drive up the motorway

with a great big wobbly cock on the front go wibble wobble and the thing is with joe when you're driving with him he stops to take a wee every 10 minutes every fucking 10 minutes which would if you had a dildo on the front of your car, would increase the likelihood of someone coming by. Because, yeah, if you're driving past and then you see a panicked guy come out of the woods going back to his cockmobile car and then getting into driving off, you'd think there'd be some funny business going on there.

So do you take my point, though, that they're trying so hard with this? Yeah. And also they're trying to be a bit pot noodles edgy by calling it junk food you know. Oh I don't like the smell of these

no cheese curls. Okay we're going to start with those yeah give me a snuff snuff on those. They don't smell right. Yeah it's fake

cheese smell. It is fake cheese smell but there's also a kind of dirty nappy sort of vinegar. It's a sort of tartness isn't there.

Yeah it's a bit cabbagey a bit sour cabbage. It is a bit farty now that you've said that. It's got bit sour cabbage. It is a bit farty now that you've said that. It's got a proper arse crumple to it. These fucking

pitos smell of shit. They do. I have one now, quick. They're like similar to a knick-knack or a what's-it or a Cheeto. Cheeto, yeah. I'm going to have a go. They have a crunch. I do not like that cheese fakes taste. They taste like cheese and onion. Vegan cheese

and onion crisps or something, don't they? Weird. It's way too creamy. Yeah, it reminds me of yes, it's that creamy element that reminds me of something. Now, did you know... Oh, God, I can't smell them. Take them away. They're fucking horrible. They're not that bad. It smells like I've just put my hand in a

baby's nappy without knowing it and then gone to scratch my nose. They're quite salty, quite oniony, aren't they? They've got a nice flavour. Sorry, texture. Texture's fine. Get the other one then, get the onion rings. I'm open for better for the onion ring. I don't know why.

I bet they taste similar because those, to me, taste really oniony. Yes, they do. You're right. It's an oniony aftertaste, which is part of the unpleasantness. Open these, Chris, I'm bored now. Paul, just a little observation. Yeah. They do. You're all right. There's an onion in the aftertaste, which is part of the unpleasantness. Open these crisps. I'm bored now. Paul, just a little observation. Yeah. They never used to have these tear-on-the-side things.

Some do. The little tear thing. No, that wasn't a thing 15 years ago. Also, these are American snacks. They never had that in there either. They did. That is an innovation that no one talks about, the tear-the-side thing on those type of packs.

Years we've been going like this, don't you? That's how you open a crisp. Yeah yeah of course not anymore not anymore you you used to take it from both sides and you used to that's how i was taught to open packets chris you take it the ridge firmly between your fingers on one side yeah you take it from both sides seam yeah you grab this finger the same put your fingers in yeah come on come on you know what you want to do with this you want to get your fingers in and you want to ease it this? You want to get your fingers in and you want to ease it apart slowly, don't you? Your finger pump it. Yeah, your finger pump it apart, don't you?

But now they've got this fucking... Mate, can we not spend three minutes describing you trying to get your fingers into a lady's vagina as a fucking... And now you have to tear the flap. You don't have that problem, do you? I'm doing the snuff snuff. Snuff it off.

Stop this quim talk. Oh dear, that's not a good reaction. All right, let's have a go. You'll know what I mean. I want to see what your take on that is. But the smell had a... It has a fishy undertone, doesn't it? It's oniony fishy.

Stale fish. It has a stale fish smell, doesn't it? It's got a kind of fishmonger shop front. But then it has got an oniony tang to it. But also there's a sort of... All right, here we go. Like a scraps bin. Yeah.

What are they like? They are rings. Tell us what the texture's like. Texture's almost exactly the same as the other one, but now they're in a circle. It's made out of peas. It's pea meal. That is a sad experience.

The taste is better than the smell. Yes. However, it is overall a sad experience i think that's they've got a kind of emptiness when you finish chewing them they sort of disappear they don't have that do you know it's that pee it feels kind of light and yeah unsatisfying yeah as on the swallow i didn't like them so what do you want to give them out a 10 oh no they don't get in now we're not doing the snack palace this week fuck off um so well they wouldn't be getting in they wouldn't but you know what you're not coming into the snack palace this week. Fuck off. So, well, they wouldn't be getting in. They wouldn't. But you know what? You're not coming into the snack palace, pitos.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Right, there we go. And that's that. Done. Good. Right. Let's take a little break, and then we're going to come back for another little snack.

My mouth just smells of onion now. Dirty grok. Yeah, it does feel like I've- I've got an oniony mouth. Yeah. Oh. I feel like I've had a stroganoff in my mouth. Why?

Because it sounds a little bit like stroke me off, Eli. No. And that was the gag I was going for. It tasted like stroganoff in my mouth. Why? Because it sounds a little bit like stroke me off, Eli. No. And that was the gag I was going for. It tasted like stroke me off in my mouth. I'm going to ask you something now. You just bring out this word, whip out the stroganoff, right? Yeah. Name, what are the ingredients in a stroganoff?

Mushroom, eggs. No. You don't know what a stroganoff is. It is. It's mushrooms and it's beef and it's a cream. Ah, yeah. And it's like you mix it all together and usually have it with like I don't know, potatoes and shit. What's that got to do with

oniony beef? Because it sounds like stroke me off. It doesn't really. Stroke me off. Darling? Stroke me off. Hello, love. I'm the dirty whore from out the street and I want you to pay me. Strug me off.

I can't do this anymore. Yeah, I think you should stop. Let's have a little break. Oh. Every fucking time. Every fucking time I start the recording, I bang the microphone as I'm reaching past. Listen, another cheap eats item now.

And it is, I can't remember who sent this or where we came from. I think that was given to us at the live show. It sounds likely. It sounds likely. So this is you. Thank you very much. Original ass kicking habanero popcorn. No, I have to.

Habanero. Habanero. Habanero. It doesn't matter. Don't care. Don't go nyeh. Nyeh. They hate it when I go nyeh. Habanero. Don't say habanero.. Don't go nyeh. Nyeh. I hate it when I go nyeh.

Cabanero. Don't say habanero. Whatever you do. Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh.

Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh. Now, it's got a donkey on the front. Oh, yeah. What's it got on the back?

Donkey on the back. Donkey on the front. Donkey on the back. That's how you describe me in bed. Stubborn. And it's got an angry... It's got a thing. But also, I think this is a partnership brand

because it looks like the habanero flavoring added to this popcorn you did it again um yeah is from a company called southwest no there's a famous uh hot sauce that's in my book of hot sauces yeah yeah there's a picture of the bottle on the packet very nice yeah ass kicking or ass kicking yeah uh habanero popcorn is uh that sauce oh yeah I've never actually tried that sauce but it's like one of these southwest speciality foods

dot com yeah gourmet popcorn and this is a microwave thing we've stuck it in the bag ding bong bing about two and a half minutes this one

yeah what's the smell like it smells buttery popcorn-y and there's a tiny bit of habanero is there butter is it meant to be buttered

I mean I'm presuming it's part of the palm oil mixture that keeps it all yeah look at the instructions i'm pretty sure the butteriness just comes from the stuff that they seal it into make palm oil in this that's unfortunate isn't it well because it comes in a block doesn't it surrounded by that soy yeah which has to be radiated by the microwave to heat it up to make it go pop paul have i told you before there's all sorts of dirty nasty chemicals they put in this instant stuff. Yeah, it is. I don't really like instant popcorn.

You can buy these bags, right? Yeah. These special bags. And you can just take popcorn from the health food shop, just corn kernels, put them in the bag. Yeah. And stick it in the microwave. Works just as good.

You've got to put something else in with it, though. Of course you do. No, I'll show you. You show me. You don't have a microwave, though, do you? Oh, it's very farty, the smell of this popcorn. It's a little bit guff-tastic, yes. Oh, I love popcorn.

Have some. Have some. I'm going to like this. Go on. Do you think you're going to like this? I don't know. You like hot snacks, don't you? I like popcorn a lot.

We're trying them now. Oh, the heat comes much later. Oh, oh, God. He's gone back for more. Is that a good sign, boys and girls? He's fucking palm-pounding them into his gob. Oh, oh God. He's gone back for more. Is that a good sign, boys and girls? He's fucking palm pounding them into his gob. Oh, look, it's like watching the rancor eat a slave dancer. What?

Rancor eats a slave dancer in Robert of the Jedi. No, Return of the Jedi. Robert of the Jedi is my new Star Wars movie that I'm pitching to Lucasfilm this year. They're nice. Really nice. Because what's interesting is that, you know when you usually have a hot-flavored crisp or a snack, right? The heat's up front, and then it kind of lingers.

Whereas this, it's not a lot of heat right off the top. But when you start chewing a load of them, you get this warmth, this warmth this kind of nice soft warm heat that just lingers and as the popcorn breaks down it delivers that heat in a much more kind of palatable way it's really pleasing you're exactly right the way that um you get the crunch and then as it yes as it as it breaks down the heat arrives like a like a like a lovely little um flourish a little cloud of really good it works really well chilli with popcorn doesn't it I've had hot popcorn before

and it's always been way too abrasive and kind of stinging hot at first a top sting whereas this is kind of like

waves of it even now it is very spicy really but it doesn't it's not offensive it comes up slowly it rests there

in your mouth you know what it reminds me of? It's those hers, those giant what's-its. Those American hers what's-its with the Carolina Reaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Similar. I love them.

Yeah. Cheese and chili go well. You know what I had? I love them. You know what I fucking had the other day? What? Really bad. What?

Chili heatwave Dorito chicken fries from Burger King. Chili heatwave Dorito chicken fries from where? Burger King. Dirty, dirty, chicken fries from where? Burger King. Dirty, dirty, dirty toss pot. But they were really more-ish. Yeah.

Really, really more-ish. I got a taste of the first one for, because it's got that sweetness, you know, like Chili Heat Wave has that sweet Doritos. But then I was like,

oh, I don't really like that. It's too sweet, you know? Yeah. And then I was like, I'll have another one. And then I was like, I'll have another one. And the next minute

you're naked in bed covered in corn. Basically. Covered in orange dust. Or orange dust and egg white. They were dirty good. They were dirty good,

I have to say. Well, Eli, I like those. Would these get into the snack palace? Absolutely. What accent should this

packet of habanero popcorn accent, what should it be that won't get me in trouble? Just do a sort of a pleased. Oh, hello. I am the ass-kicking habanero popcorn from Sun West, is it? Southwest Speciality Foods.

And I would very much like to come into the snack palace, please. Well, I'll tell you a little bag of popcorn. I'll tell you what. Yeah? Go and make yourself a home. Towels in the cupboard. Oh. There's no towels, right?

Yeah. You'd have to go to the pool house because there's a weird oversized airing cupboard in the pool house. We think it was something else before when we bought the property. We were like, what on earth is this huge towel? You seem to be having your own fucking location, location. Did you do a little windy? No. You did a little windy.

Oh, it's like working with a baby some weeks, isn't it? Do you want me to burp you? Shall I put you over my back and give you windies? Just all I'm saying is go, go get a towel. Oh, okay. You're the first actual proper residents of the Snack Palace, actually. No, that one came... No, they both went to the Snack House, the pool house.

Oh, one of them went to the pool house. Both? So you have to deal with them to get the towel. One of them went fucking home. Well, they're not in right now. They've gone Disney World. So as a result, the house is free. So you can just pop in and get those towels. They're right right at the back if you go into the master bedroom in the pool house

there's a big kind of walking closet but that pool that's only if there's none in the in the main house there should be some men in the main house there's an airing cupboard on every floor yeah it's another thing which was strange when we were looking around isn't it like the airing cupboard here airing cupboard there it's fucking the architect was obsessed with airing cupboard here, airing cupboard there. It's fucking... The architect was obsessed with airing cupboards. All right. I don't know why you think that's fucking witty. I don't know why I think that's funny either. Anyway, habanero popcorn.

Oh, God. Go. I'm sick of you. Here are the keys. Jingle, jangle. And you can let yourself in and you can pick any bedroom you want because you're the first one in there. Oh, that's very nice.

I look forward to it. I will make this my favourite home forever. Go. They're offy waddles, everybody. Good sound effects. Eli, will you put your hand in me later and finish me off? Yes. Eli, here's a question.

When all the contents of me are eaten, am I still allowed in the palace? That's a good question, though. We haven't thought about that. Paul. What? Paul, don't. Don't tell them. What happens to them? Just tell them to go, though. We haven't thought about that. Paul, what? Paul, don't. Don't tell them. What happens to them?

Just tell them to go to sleep. They don't get to go to sleep. Just say something about towels or something. Yeah, don't worry. When you run out of snacks, when you're empty, your bag can live here forever. Put a towel in it.

Yeah, we'll put a towel in you. Why are you obsessed with towels? We're not. We're not. No, you don't worry about it. Do you know how many towels we had to inherit? Like 40,000 towels. Some of the foundations seem to be built with towels.

It's a towel-based structure, isn't it? Okay, well, I'm just going to let myself in. All right, we'll see you later then. I can't tell them that when they're empty, we fuck them, can we? No. We fuck their empty bags. We so do. And then we wrap them in a towel and bury them.

Right, so what was your favourite snack that was? We so do. And then we wrap them in a towel and bury them. Right. So what was your favourite snack? That was. That was. Because it went into the house. I didn't like those pitos. No. Well, no one likes pitos, do they?

They're not going to survive as a product, I don't think. Not unless they up their flavour game. We mentioned the artwork. DJ. There's like a DJ P. But he's sort of got a weird sort of device on his knee there, like a keytar almost. It's like a key, yeah.

Some kind of weird space age. Not even a proper... I reckon he doesn't even... What's the cheese one doing? Oh, it's the same. It's the same. Again, pictures on our website of all the things we're eating today on the podcast.

But right now, we're going to take a little break before we come back to The Price of the Shite of. The Shite of the Price of. Paul, I've got a new cleaned up version of the theme. Of the price of shite theme? Yes. Okay, go ahead. Give me it.

Oh, it's the melon farming price of shite. It's the melon farming price of shite. Stop. No, it's the melon farming... Stop or I'll strike you to stop. Ooh. Spankies. You can't give a PG version if the word shite's in there.

Okay, sorry. I've realised that, but then I'd gone too far already. So, take two. Oh, go for it. Oh, it's the melon farming price of shite. It's the melon farming price of shite. It's the melon farming Farming Price of Scheid. It's the Melon Farming Price of Scheid. Oh, it's the Melon Farming Price of Scheid.

And that's right. And that's fucking cock. Oh, fucking cock. Sticky fucking. Oh, fucking cock, mate. Sticky dick. Oh, you've engorged me, fucking cock. Right, we're starting.

So here we are. It's the fucking Price of Scheid, mate. It's the fucking Price of Scheid, mate. It's a fucking price of shite, mate. There's a ladder with this one. Listen, mate, just admit it, mate. You've got to miss it. You feel fucking bad

about all those betweens I was getting last week. Fuck it. And you thought, fuck it. I'm going to fuck it. Shut up. I'm not listening to you actually right now.

I'm too busy trying to get this game going. This is a nice opportunity, Paul. I know we had the price of shite last week, but this is what we live, this is a nice opportunity, Paul. I know we had the price of strike last week, but this is, this is what we live for. This is,

this is the, the hard, mano a mano, oiled up fucking wrestling, stick a hand round. It is the Paul on Eli action you've been begging for.

Finger banging in the oiled up ring. It is the tickling the brown pocket edition of it's X-rated cage fighting with extra oils. The knuckle, knuckleageddon. It is Ken Russell's the devil scene

of two men in their prime wrestling a naked in front of a fireplace. A tussling and a jostling. Another scene. Supremacy. Name another film with a famous male wrestling or male naked fighting scene. What's that film

with Cronenberg did? Easton Promise. That was the one I was thinking of. That's the one I like. You can see everything. You can see everything. I saw everything

in that one. I saw Viggo Mortensen's dong. Yeah, you get the danglies. I don't think I was missing from that scene. I'll tell you what I was missing from that scene.

At no point did he use his dong as a weapon. At no point did he clout some guy in the eyes with his whackid slap that's what i'd like to see give him double black eyes with this big slack no i'd like to see the guy like bleeding after he's like done him in yeah like bleeding out the mouth finishing move and then he's like slap just to fucking like a little disrespect slap final indignity. With a floppy one. Yeah.

Anyway. That's all they'll talk about. Didn't you get beat up by that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, didn't he fucking hit you in the face with his dick afterwards? No one could give you a black eye with their dick. Jeez, that a challenge. Because right now, mate. You couldn't.

You couldn't get enough force behind it. It's not a bone. That's why I call my cock Balboa, don't it? Why? Because it gobbles up mice. No. Balboa? You meant boa constrictor. Yeah, that's not... Rocky boa constrictor.

He gobbles up mice with his big, hungry meter soul. Oh, yes. Update. Meters update. There's nothing. We're not updating the meters. I'll be referring to the meters as something slightly different when it takes my fancy. Paul,

is it good? Do you want to say it now? A cock's eye. A cock's eye. Good. No, I'm glad that's been recorded. Dear Paul and Eli,

by the time you do this, I will have passed these to you at the live show in Leicester. I thought he was going to say I would have passed away. I was getting a bit worried. Price of the will.

God, that's dark. It's time to play The Price of the Inheritance. Yeah, The will. God, that's dark. It's time to play The Price of the Inheritance. Yeah, the price of this dead person's shit. I mean, sometimes it must be dead people's crap that we have to see.

Oh, we lived through. Definitely had the items of a long-departed soul on this show. Maybe that's why I feel possessed by them. And I hear voices. Margaret.

Margaret. Margaret. Margaret. That's another one of your names. Margaret. Margaret. It is that another one of your names? Margaret. Margaret. It is my husband, Jimmy. You want to know what the world's shortest book is?

Paul Gannon's list of... Improvisation names. It's one page. Right. By the time you see this, I'll have passed you on. I'll pass you off. I'm fetched. Come on, mate.

Four minutes in and I have to fucking edit this in a week of filming. Oh, I'm fetched. Oh, mate. Four minutes in and I have to fucking edit this in a week of filming. Oh, I'm fetched in my pants. Right. I'm sure it was as chaotic as the regular podcast and that we all had a fantastic time and laughed at a lot of spoff. Well, you probably did. Look at Belly. You can see the live show on our YouTube channel. You can see the live show on our YouTube channel.

That's nice, isn't it? Finding clothes, a selection of goodies for the price of shite. All of these were purchased from charity shops in Southport and Formby. I'm sure Paul's aware of these places, and I am. The total cost is less than £10.

Results are enclosed on a separate piece of paper in this envelope. How nice. A nicely presented price of shite. Now, I have them here, and they're sealed

with a little bit of tape thing. Oh, don't have a peek, see? Why are you peeking in? Oh, you're getting numeric recognition. I'll just show you the sticker that was sealing it. Why did you open it then? I didn't know I could open it. He flapped it open. You fla numeric recognition. I'll just show you the sticker that was sealing it. Why did you open it then?

I didn't know I could open it. He flapped it open. You flapped it open. Look how I'm flapping open at you then, briefly. I'm looking. I'm seeing some shit. The light's coming through it. Well, this is why.

Put it on the table. Mate, this is why we have a... Oh, he's going to sit on it again. No. Harrow on the Hill, special Poindexter standing. Okay. We've got Mulchie Fibbage. Hey, Mulchie. Oh, we're grumbling and grumbling and peedly poindyter standing. Okay. We've got Mulchie Fibbage. Hey, Mulchie.

Oh, we're grumbling and grumbling and pedally pointing. Mulchie. Look at how many points we've used today. Grimble, grumble, grumble, grumble, wiggle, goggle, go. Please.

Where should I put it? Nice to see you, Mulchie. Can I put the points under my grumble, Matt? Put it, just envelop it in a glutinous fold. Right, I'm going to grumble on the bumble and get the fumble. Have you got lots of membranous, glutinous folds to I'm going to grumble on the bumble. Have you got lots of membranous glutinous folds to envelop? I've got a memorable... Give it a good enveloping.

I'm going to give it a good old memorable embelling. Here we go. What an excellent stand-in for Poindexter. Because Poindexter is a bit fraught at the moment. He's going for a lot of counselling, I believe, at the moment. So, Mulchie Fibbage uh as made by nikki for us we'll be looking after the points every time we play the price of shite in the harrow on the haunted house on the hill flat right shall we begin let's begin this price of shite

competition paul item what rules is it standard are there no extra betweens mentioned in the letter i'm just getting this shit out of the way it's 25p either way the actual price will just get you the one between but if you happen to get it dead on the nose and you're absolutely bang on correct with that point guess well that is two betwings double digit and that's how we're playing the game today not two but not double digits here's the first item double ones oh this is quite a nice item it's quite a nice price of shite item this is an eraser or rubber i like the sound that sounded really nice in my mouth what did quite nice price of shite item. This is an eraser or rubber, as we say. That sounded really nice in my mouth. What did? Quite nice price of shite item.

It is quite a nice price of shite item. He's got lots of I words in the sounds. Smiggle. Smiggle is that brand of high street store that sells stationery, right? Is that right? I don't know. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're inferring?

No, I'm saying it's a bit of a cutesy name for this thing. I mean, it's cute already. I don't need to be... You haven't told them what it is, have you? It is an eraser in the shape of a... Talking to the mic. Fuck me! It is a rubber, Paul, in the shape of an ice lolly.

Yeah. It has a little cutesy face on it. Like an old-fashioned ice lolly that you got back in the day. Lolly. Lolly. Lolly. Lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly. Lollay. Lollay. Lollay. Lollay, lollay, lollay, lollay. Lollay, lollay.

Ice loll, loll, loll, loll, lollay. Lollay. It's a blue lolly with a creamy top. It's got a yellow hood, so to speak, and it's two items. The stick is not rubber made of rubber. The stick is hard. That's what you just hold it with. Where the wooden is hard plastic.

Hard plastic. And the main body of the ice lolly is blue, That's where you just hold it with. Where the wooden, it's hard plastic. Hard plastic. And the main body of the ice lolly is blue but then it has a drippy hood. Don't we all? It has a drippy rubber hood on top which comes off. Yeah.

Like how much do you think that is then? Is it scented? I think there's a, I'm getting a little bit of scent like it's old. Oh, there's definitely a scent on there.

It's almost like a kind of blue razz. Yeah. It's a blue razz. And believe me, blue razz is having a moment at the moment. It's never, it's definitely a scent on there. It's almost like a kind of blue ras. Yeah, it's a blue ras. And believe me, blue ras is having a moment at the moment. It's never had a moment. It's having a moment in the flavour world, and I'll be proven right on this.

How much do you think that lolly is? Go on, how much do you think? So you said there was a £10 ceiling on all the items today. Altogether, cumulatively speaking, the price will no longer go any higher than £5 to £10. Oh, there's braille on this. No, it's just sprinkles. Come on.

How much? You guess first, then I'll guess first for the next one. Okay. And do we know where in the country this was bought? Yeah, northwest, Southport, Formby, all up by me, my neck of the woods. I see. Well, not exactly my neck of the woods. I see.

Thank you. Thanks for answering my question. North of Liverpool, south of Blackpool. Yes, just one or two other, you know, frame setting questions before I plunge. It won't have London prices, no. It won't have London prices and £10 ceiling on all items. All the ceiling.

How many items, Paul? Seven. I think this has got to be, I'll say a quid. Quid. I'm going to go with 75p. Okay. Paul's taking notice

because of the 25p one between either way. I was already in the 75p mine frame before you even said you're quid. Did you see how I owned it, though, last? Well done. Next item. I got so much per-twings. Next item.

And he's handed me the next item. This is a flying saucer. A UFO 50s style kind of design. But it seems to have one of the aliens from Toy Story. Very similar, I will say. It's got a three-eyed alien. I think it's a Toy Story thing.

But why has it got a big red knob on its head then? Because they didn't have that. That's how you wind the car. You wind it up. Yes. That's clever because they've turned the winding mechanism into a part of his character. Yeah, into a part of the character design.

They should have put it at the front of him. You know what I mean? Like a knob. Like a knob. Like a big red-tipped dog knob. Yeah, and should have put it at the front of him. You know what I mean? Like a knob. Like a knob. Like a big red-tipped dog knob. Yeah, and you could twist it. What's it do? Oh, it goes along.

It drives along in a forward... Oh, it turns! It turns! That's quite cool, isn't it? Does it take a room bar? It's like a room bar. Room bar, room bar. Stick it up your jump bar.

No, I think it just turns on a timer. Okay. But just because it goes up against something, it seems like it turns when it hits it. Do you see what I mean? No, it just turns on a timer. Oh, okay. But just because it goes up against something, it seems like it turns when it hits it. Do you see what I mean? No, it just runs out. Oh, that's quite nice. I was quite impressed with that.

Is it plastic? Yes, but it's like a good quality plastic on the shell. I'm going to say... It's your turn to... Again, pictures of all these items on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. The head of the alien on that is totally the toy. Yeah, it's very much taken from that.

And they originally appeared in one of those crane machines, did they? In Toy Story 2, yes. That was their origin story. Made in China, it says. Yeah, that's all I can make out. They're more fun than Minions, aren't they? Yeah. So I'm going to have a guess at that.

And I'm going to say UFO. What have we got here? I'm going to say that was £1.10. The floor is yours, Mr. Silverman. £1.55. £1.00 what? Are we going to have another little... I've just written £1.50.

No, but these are getting locked in. No. These are getting locked in right now. Oh, you're so mean. This is no repeat, no surrender, no turning back. Come on. Oh, he's desperate to get out between these things. Yeah, but that leaves me in the same lock-on, doesn't it?

It gives me the same restrictions. It gives me the same lock-on? Every now and then, a little bit of my scouse is allowed to come to the surface, and I do not want it suppressed by the likes of you, who has the accent of the gutter snipe. So I'm not interested. The gutter snipe? How dare you? Criminal underlings of your...

I do not have a criminal accent. To mine ear. To mine ear? The gutter snipe. You've gone all ye olde. You have the voice of the gutter snipe. You've gone all ye olde. Next item. 55 the gutter snipe you've gone all ye olde next item 55 did you put me down there you're on 55 the ink hasn't dried

if you want me to change it no fine you sure lock that in you can't fucking complain later when you go oh mate I was gonna change that lock it in

alright it's locked in next he's handing me something that is wrapped everybody and these are two things but one price oh and they look like crockery figures of some sort

made of crockery isn't no crockery is of some sort. Made of crockery. Isn't... No, crockery is cutlery. Yes. No, it's not. No, it's like plates and bottles.

Yeah, ceramics. Household ceramics. I don't know if that would count as crockery. Ceramics? This is more ceramics. I mean, you haven't opened it yet,

so just get to it. Crockery is plates. Plates. Yes. Crockery. Oh. What is it? I think they're animals.

There's a teddy bear. Oh, it's a little... A blue teddy bear. That's green. Greeny blue. You're it. Oh. What is it? I think they're animals. There's a teddy bear. Oh, it's a little... A blue teddy bear. That's green. Greeny blue. You're wearing sunglasses on. That's why you can't judge colour. You fucking idiot.

Yeah, you're right. What? Well, the sun's coming through. I know. Straight into my face. I could have put the blind down, but no, you decided to go... The blind is down. Yeah, but instead you went with the Miami Vice route.

The sun is coming through the window with the blind down and hurting my eyes and making my vision hard. I'm sorry for being a biological human and having functioning eyes, Paul. Crack on. I can't. Crack on. For fuck's sake. It's a little green ceramic bear.

It's got a poo-poo or fucking hole. Great. I'm glad you're investing yourself into the content of this segment. Are they both bears? I believe so. Right, yes. They're both the same. They're both the same. They're both in a sat-down position. Are they both bears? I believe so. Right, yes. They're both the same. They're both the same.

They're both in a sat-down position. Are they like bookends? Like little bookends, maybe? They could be, though. They could be. One of them's had some damage, Paul. A little bit of damage of the paintwork, yes. Not too bad.

Shall we have a little look at that in detail? Just because I haven't seen these. Obviously, I've kept them a surprise for this episode. Yeah, it looks like a little sad bear. It kind of looks like Winnie the Pooh bear, almost. Old design Pooh. I'm not into this. It doesn't do anything for me. No, well, that's fine. It kind of looks like Winnie the Pooh bear, almost. Old design Pooh. I'm not into this. It doesn't do anything for me.

No, well, that's fine. It looks haunted. The face of that looks haunted, like it's seen shit. Do you think if you were into teddy bears, you'd find that particularly appealing, even? Yeah, because if you were into teddy bears, you'd have anything, wouldn't you? Yeah, but it's so terrible. I mean, the colour doesn't even go with what it is. No, the colour, which is like...

The glaze doesn't work. ...toward a darker hue at the bottom. It's a greeny, bluey, sort of like bottom of a pond. It's a reeks of 70s design, this, doesn't it, really? I mean, I can't say. I don't think they're that old at all. I don't know. How much, Eli?

It's your turn now. Now, these are double pricey. So, this is one item. Two items, but one price. Yeah, I mean, they come together. Yeah. Together. A double set.

Double digit. Double dush-dush. Double dush-dush dush. Double dush dush dig it. Two quid. Two quid. Two quid. What's he going to do? Is he going to undercut me here?

What does he think? I don't know. This is an interesting one. So we go. Two quid the pair or something. Two quid the pair. I want to say about the same. Well, you've barely put it 5p up or down.

I'm going to go with £1.80. £1.80? This is another crockery figure. It's another ceramic bastard. And this is a little girl with a chicken, Paul, standing by a tree stump. Oh, she's sitting on it. Sitting on a tree stump. She's sitting on it, and she's got her little friend chicken there,

and she has a little mug. No, is that a basket? It's a basket. A basket. Which she's got her little friend chicken there and she has a little mug. No, is that a basket? It's a basket. A basket. Which she's been collecting round things. Eggs. They ain't eggs. Well, they're red eggs.

They're like those eggs you get in truck stops in America. No, they're brown eggs. You get brown eggs. Oh, they're brown, yeah. They could be brown eggs. What's happened to my colour perception? I don't know. It's having the fucking sun in my eyes.

Yeah, but you haven't got your sunglasses on right now because it doesn't explain it, does it? Sunglasses! It doesn't explain it, does it? Oh, look, everything looks better now. Hasn't she got pretty face? Let's have a look. I haven't looked your sunglasses on right now because it doesn't explain it, does it? Sunglasses! It doesn't explain it, does it? Oh, look, everything looks better now. Hasn't she got a pretty face? Let's have a look. I haven't looked at these yet, obviously.

Terrible thing. I reckon it's about... Oh, no, you might be right. It might not be eggs because it looks like... No, they are eggs. Like tomatoes or something. Either way. Think brown egg and then it pops in, doesn't it?

She's got a weird face. She looks like Joan Sims from the Carry On film. She's quite puckered. Puckered little girl. And it says foreign at the bottom. Weird. It just says foreign. Why does it just have the word foreign on the bottom?

I don't know. It's like, does that mean you bought it in a British shop? You looked at the bottom and went, oh, it's from foreign. Is that like what they used to put on before Made in China? I don't know. Maybe. We don't know the date of this. Yeah, I hate these fucking things.

It's awful. It's awful kitsch. Piece of crap. It's these fucking things it's awful it's awful kitsch piece of crap it's a real piece of but it's my turn to judge I'm saying 140 for that Eli it's your turn

ah why do I just feel like they're charging a bit more for these crockery ceramic items ceramic ceramic come on

get a price locked in I'm gonna go 170 170 170 and the game continues right next item number 3 no item number Price locked in. I'm going to go 170. 170. 170. And the game continues. Right, next. Item number three.

No, item number one, two, three, four, five. Five. Item number five of seven. What have we only done? We've done the lolly, the UFO, the bears, and that girly statue with the chicken. That's four. That's number five. Okay. This is a record.

Do you have the actual record? Oh, you've got it on there. It didn't sound very good, did it? Well, tell them what it is before I play ak presents music from creative sweden music from creative sweden what does that mean music from on the back it says it was recorded at the new york world fair in the 60s or whatever when sweden people went there world fairs were a kind of thing that don't happen anymore because the world's gotten quite smaller but back in the day it was a place where every country would turn up to a host nation

or a host city and go here are our latest technologies and advancements and things and look what the future is going to be like they built a utopia

to show all this off that cost millions and millions of pounds to build only was useful for a few months and then after that it was either closed down

or restructured or something like that yes but they also they gave a sense of history a sense of progress or not progress or just a time no you're right with kind gave a sense of history, a sense of progress, or not progress, or just a time. No, you're right,

with kind of those bursts of innovation. All that seems to have gone. Yeah. The whole of the last 20 years just seems like one static... Blob of time. Blob of culture, doesn't it? Anyway.

It's why I always get depressed when I go, that film came out in 2003, I remember it like it was yesterday. Well, no, but that's the point I'm trying to make it's a film from 2003 and a film from last year but if you look at that amount of

time difference between let's say the early 80s and the late 60s massive difference in the type of film it's just depressing isn't it

it's depressing there's a lady on the front do you think she's Swedish she has a very Swedish look Paul she has a strong handsome jawline sort of face you think she's Swedish? She has a very Swedish look, Paul. She has a strong, handsome jawline sort of face

and blonde. She's blonde. There's a thing called nudist polka, as in polka. Yeah. Not like strip polka. No.

Polka. Polka. Swedish music, it's all different types of things that reflect their nature and national character. Loads of tracks and short Swedish nature

captured in music, it says here. Yeah, I'm not interested in this record in any way. But I do want to hear nudist poker. Oh, because they... That's another sort of cliché,

isn't it, about Scandinavians, that they're naturists. Isn't that one of those... Oh, yeah. You know, that's the sort of cliché trope of a Scandinavian person

is that they're unashamed of their nakedness. Of their nude... You know? Right, this is nudist poker. Sounds like jackass like you're doing a jackass it's a poker kill my face kill my face chop my face right off kill it now kill it now burn my face right off Kill it now, kill it now Burn my face right down No, get your willy out

And shake it all about Doing the nudist polka Doing the nudist polka Can you see my bumhole? My bumhole winks at thee My bumhole does a poo-poo And... No, great, well done.

Out the front, there's we! Out the front, there's we. Out the front, there's we. Shut up. I'm a do the polka and I get my big fat tits out. Shake them, slap them, move them around. Jostle them and bounce them on the ground. I am lactating out my tits. You had nothing.

I've got my knob out. I've got my knob out. I've got my knob out. I've got my knob out. I've got my knob out. Now I plonk it down. I've got my knob. Shut up now. I've got my knob. I've got my knob.

Oh, my hairs are caught in my knob. You know what? We're going to stop. Anyway, it's a big final. Come on, let's do that. You're fucking enjoying yourself. Let's just do that for a while. Shut up.

Please. Oh, please. How much is the record? I don't care. How much? I want to talk about Nob's coming out. How much is the fucking record? 50p.

I'm going to go with a pound. Oh, God. I wouldn't pay a pound for that. I know, but sometimes I find vinyl mispriced. Yes, they often do. Don't get me started on that. Next item. Oh, he's handing it to me.

Is this the last item? No. This is the penultimate. This is a chess piece. This is a large bakelite, feels like, something like that. Yeah, it's meant to look like wood, but it's not. Is that a rook? It's either a pawn, isn't it?

It's a queen. Is it a pawn? What on earth? Are we this bad? It's a queen, isn't it? Because it's bejeweled. Well, maybe because it's bejeweled. It's got a vajazzle on its base.

It has. It's weird. Why would you put like shit fake little diamonds at the bottom of it? It's classy. So you sip your wine and go, ooh, checkmate. Now let's have sex.

I mean, it does look like... Or maybe it's a bishop. Why? We don't know. Oh, Paul, were you aware of the recent cheating scandal in the world of chess? Yeah. That contained allegations of anal bee juice.

And I don't mean anal bead juice. It's one or the other, isn't it? Anal bead use, as in electronic remote control anal beads. Hello, I would like to buy two packs of anal bead jukes, please. I can't quite get them up. It's probably a pawn because the castle, there's a castle, there's a horsey. The knight has a big slip.

No, the bishop has a slit in his hat. Yes, and that doesn't... And then the king and queen, so it's different. So I think it's a pawn. It definitely is a pawn, yeah. So maybe it's... It's a large pawn, though. It must be from a large set.

If you think that the porns are usually about it's probably a king porn isn't it hey boom boom no it's not that's a good proper joke

that isn't it yes well done thank you you do one or two every episode at least that's one more

than you ever do listen mate you just open your mouth and bark out obscenity I know but it's worked so far for me it has fucking worked that's bark out obscenity i know but it's worked so far that's the shocking truth um how much it looks like it's from a terrible horrible tacky chess set though yeah although you could get it right up your ass if you wanted to but you might need

to lube it up so i would recommend getting some i mean it's good that would just go in juice it's not me first on this one oh dear i dear. I'm going to say 70p. It's going high, the lad. Yeah, but you know what I mean? I'm literally shooting in the dark here, to be honest with you. I'm naked from the waist down, arcing ropes of jism in the dark across the couch, the coffee table,

the back of the telly, the fireplace. You can't get cum around all that. Yeah, I can. You overestimate in your mind's eye what comes out your knob's eye. You underestimate in your mind's eye. You say, I say 50p. You say 70p, I say 50p. You'll go 50p. 50p on the King Porn.

Final item. This is it. Oh, oh, Paul. Now, because we have covered this in detail in the past, we won't go into too much now, but what is it? It's a look in television annual, Paul. Your favourite thing in the world My favourite thing remember when I bought three

when we went to Leicester Yes Great stuff I might just do a look in podcast all by myself and call it Paul Gannon's sad desperate look in podcast Well

I would encourage that I'm all about the spin off we need to we do need to do more spin offs in fact we're making one aren't we? Tonight Nightbussin is coming

but only for Patreons. It's going to be a Patreon-exclusive series. Anyway, go on. What is it? It's a looking magazine. What year? To me, it looks like

early 80s. That's like the early 80s logo. On the cover, you have Adam Ant. Bobby Cannonball. Why is Bobby Cannonball there?

Bobby Ball. Oh, that guy out of Thunderbirds. What's the chauffeur called in Thunderbirds? Parker. Parker. Who's that?

Hasselhoff. No, that's Lee Majors from the... Oh, yes. That would have been his Fall Guy era. So, yeah, we're talking early 80s here. Danger Mouse and Penfold. Yeah. Spider-Man.

Ooh. Yeah, but that's that shit Marvel series, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. The live-action one. Yeah. And who's this woman who is singing? I don't know.

And squatting. Is it Toya? Yes, it is. It's Toya. Special features, big colour photos, picture strips, jokes and puzzles and more. I will say 82, 83. 82. 82.

Yeah, that is 82 all over. And I love these things. I love these snapshots of TV from the past. I really do. There's a whole thing about Bond in here and stunts. Oh. That's why the Spider-Man picture's there, because of the old stunts. I remember watching that Spider-Man thing and thinking it was good.

He literally gets a rope and sort of abseils down the side of a building. It's not like web at all. The whole thing about Cosgrove Hall and British cartoons here. So, you know, Watership Down, Cosgrove Hall, yeah, all that stuff. What's Cosgrove Hall? Well, they made Danger Mouse and Duck Killer and all those cartoons. Brilliant. And Chortle and the Wheelies.

But not... Jamie and the Magic Torch. We've told this before. But not Trapdoor. No. The changing shape of TVs. How funny. And then at the end it pontificates of where TV will go next.

What does it say? We'll all have a little device that fucking ruins our life. Keeping in rhythm with the freestyle beat. World Championship Disco Dancing article. Ooh. What's that about? That's about break dancing. dancing no it's just about the history of

types of dance on TV can I see yeah this is interesting anyway lots of good stuff it's your turn to price it though first oh yeah

anyway what do you think the price is now would you like to give you a quick roundup of what you've done so far because you know the whole £10 limit stuff yeah

that's what I'm hoping Paul so I can get it under the ceiling please £1 for the lolly £ 150 for the ufo 250 two pound for the bear 450 one pound 70 for the lady statue 675 50p for the record 725 and then 50p for the chest piece that gives you about eight quid so what do you want to say for this i'm gonna say one pound 75 175 he says uh i feel like i'm not having a good game this week. I think you're going to do it again. I'm going to say £1.50.

I think you're going to pit me with the betwings. That's my forecast. Oh, you know what? No, I'm going to say £2. I mean, I wanted to say £2. I'm saying £2. So if it is £2, at least I'll get one betwing. You do.

On the nose. Yeah, one way or the other. Right, so it's now time to reveal the scores. Hello, yes, I'm live from the point-giving box here in Cheap Show HQ and we're just getting the results in now.

Tell me, sir, Eli Silverman, how are you feeling as we go into the point-scoring section of this show? Well, you know, I did my best

in the first half as, you know, I was just finding my the first half. I was just finding my feet. But you have to get ready in this game. It's all about getting in between. You can't win at the Price of Strike without scoring in between. I'm going to have to interrupt you there because I'm just hearing right now from the judges that the points are coming in right now.

So let's turn our attention now over to the judges. Here we go. Yes, and now it's time for the points. Now, it's only fair we bring in Mulchie Gibbage right now to bring in the points. Give all grovel, pinky-poinky, but twinky-wingy, would you want it? Hello, hello, everybody. Thanks, Mulchie, for helping out. I've been looking after these.

You would have all wobbly, wobbly, gobbly, bobbly. Bobbly, blibbly. Wobbly, bobbly, bobbly, bobbly. Wobbly, bobbly, gobbly, gobbly. And put my grouch and smouch all over the welch and grouch. Oh, I love a bit of your smouch. Yes, these are a little bit sticky now. Grouch and smouch. No, welch and grouch. Oh, I love a bit of your smouch. These are a little bit sticky now. Grouch and smouch.

No, grouch and squelch is what you want. Now, I'm off back to my globble hole. Go, go on. Where I'll be smlubbling and blubbling myself to bed. Night-night, boys, luggles and gurgles. Night-night, mulchy. Bulbles and gurgles. I'll see you goodnight.

Bye-bye. Good night. She's going back to the boggle. Love that character. I know, yeah. It's like the best of Uncle Grumbly. Yes. But without the fucking...

It's Uncle Grumbly with like some... But he's more powerful. Yeah. Uncle Grumbly is a distant relative. All that Uncle Grumbly can do is like poison people. But Mulchie can literally envelop you and absorb you into the earth. Earth, you can.

Apparently, as we found out. Now, here we go. I am anticipating at least, I think I've scored, I'm going to actually make a score prediction

here, Paul. Yeah. I think you've probably had four per twings. Oh, okay, four. So how many items were there? Seven. Seven.

So multiple points. So 14 per twings available. You could get 14. No one's ever going to do that. Not in the wildest dreams. I think you're going to score five, and I think maybe I'll score three. Oh, well, that's a new angle to the game,

and let's see how it goes. We'll do it in order of how we looked at them rather than what's written down here, because it's a different order. But we've got the lolly, the rubber lolly. That's the first item we looked at. With the drippy yellow hood so you said

one pound I said 75p oh oh oh 20 pence is the price in this instance

oh that's not a good omen nor is omen 3 a good omen either omen 2 I can't even remember

I watched them all once it's more the same basically omen 2 but with a different posh family to kill off. I totally rate the first one, though, I have to say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Excellent.

Right. Next item is the UFO. Oh, the UFO toy. You said £1.55. I said £1.10. Oh, dear. 10p. We were way out.

This is... This is not... This, this... We've been... Because the limit was 10 quid, so I think we were mentally thinking... Well, some of them must be expensive then. We've got to be like, the record is £7.99.

Yeah, we fucked this, man. I haven't looked ahead, so I don't know. I'm trying to keep the surprise as we go. Next, the bears. You said £2. Oh, these are the strangely sewage-coloured ceramic bear pair. The guttering moss-coloured bears. Yes, strange colouring.

So this could be an embarrassment for us both. We've over-egged it. They're silly cheap. We were trying to think about not being London prices, but I think we've subconsciously done London prices. We have. I thought you were going quite high. Yeah, but I was trying to go, well, I've got to get up to 10.

Yeah. Got to keep it up. Got to keep it going. I mean, you know right it could be considerably lower than 10 10's just the ceilings 10's just a guide i know 10's just a guy price it's a miss it's misleading it can't be yeah anyway you said two pound i said 180 99p oh so that's not happening either i said two i'm gonna i'm gonna present an idea to you now no but no we can't i'm gonna give you an idea no we can't get I'm going to give you an idea.

No, we can't get cheap betwings. If we both get a donut, we both get a donut. I'm going to offer you dirty betwings. Can I tell you what dirty betwings are before you say no? I don't want no undercover betwings. Do you want me to tell you what the dirty betwings are? I don't need your dirty betwings. Hey.

I do. I do want your filthy betwings. All I'm saying is, if we don't... We'll go through the points, right? Then after we've done all these points. We'll look who's closest. And then we'll give putter for twings on who is actually closest to the price.

Yes. Right? Yes. Only one for twing? Yeah. Only one for twing. Or half for twing. Half for twing for each close.

Or just a twing. Just a twing. Just a twinge of twing. How about that? A twinge of twing. So you actually have looked ahead now and you feel like we're both getting a donut. I genuinely haven't.

I'm just saying, if you want for twings, I'm giving you a lifeline here. Well, let's just see what the results are and we might think about it as a tiebreaker. I know we've done badly, I think, judging by just these first few items alone. Listen, if you get one Petwing and I get none for the whole thing, I'm happy to accept that. We don't want any other. I don't want Lursey Petwings. Lady Statue. Oh, that's terrible.

You said 170. I said i said 140 is two pound so we don't get that either he said 170 not 175 shit you fucked it there i didn't i could have had a between there two pound was it on the nose two pounds so unfortunately that's the opposite now where we've kind of fucking we've turned out of the skid rather than into the skid now we've thrown this out the window this is hollow hollow score moment

oh I can see two donuts looming up chest piece piece of shit 50p said you yes 70p say I

and it was way lower 10 it's one pound what is going on with this shit? I can't fucking deal with this. I can't deal with this. These prices are inconsistent. They're insane.

How is that a quid? And also, I don't even get up a twing because I said 70. Same as you. I didn't go 75. I didn't break it. Oh, really? Yeah. You need to put that five in there, mate. I did for the last price.

I got five on it. Right. Record. Swedish record. The Swedish World the last price. I got five on it. Right. Record. Swedish record. The Swedish World's Fair record. You said 50p. I said a quid. Please, one per twing. It is one quid. That is two per twing to the other.

Oh, shit. No, you didn't say a quid. I did. Look. Record. One quid. You said 50p. Did anyone else hear some proper funny business going on there i think we need the stewards hello i'm john stewart and i'm rob rob stewart do you think i'm sexy i'm just like my body oh i've done the fucking shit we are Fucking shit. We are wanking. We are wanking. In a bedpan.

All alone. We are sobbing. As we're coming. Oh, my globbets. Stink out the room. Oh, smelly globbets. Anyway, it's all resting on the looking. To see if Eli can pull some back.

I can't believe. Fucking. I pulled out a two to between right out the bag at the veryets. Anyway, it's all resting on the looking to see if Eli can pull some back. I can't believe. Fucking. I pulled out a two to betwing right out the bag at the very end. I knew it. I knew your lead would be two betwings. Looking magazine, you said 175. Fuck, please. I said two pound.

The final scores for the looking magazine annual is one pound 50. Eli gets a betwing. He just gets it by the skin of his foreskin. Wow. But nothing for me. So at the end of that, it is two betwings to Paul, one betwing to Eli Silverman. Well, let me shake your hand there, Paul.

It's a pyrrhic victory for Paul. Well done. Do you want to see who got closer points out of just curiosity? Sure. I'm pretty sure you did, though. All right, well, let's find out. So lollipop was 20p, so I get the per-twing there, because I was closer with 75p. These aren't real per-twings.

I know. These are just twins. You get the mark. These are dirty twings. All right. The UFO was 10p. You said 155. I said 110, so that's another twingage to me.

The bears were 99p. Oh, yeah. So, I get that as well, because I said 180. You said 2. Lady statue was £2. 99p oh yeah so I get that as well because I said 180 you said too lady statue was two pounds so you get the between the

or the twing rather the ghost the phantom betweener record you no well I

can't really do that one because I got it spot on so that makes it null and void yes lucky magazine 150 Eli gets the

between there that time yes so you got more phantom so long story short I won I won mini twings Booking Magazine, 150. Eli gets to betwing there at that time. Yes, so you got more phantom betwings. So long story short, I won mini twings. Yes. Well, well done. That was a particularly vexing price of shite. Neither of us did brilliantly, but you know.

But thank you, Mark, for that, for sending that in. Thank you, Mark. Thanks very much. Anything we've learned today? No, the answer's no. And we can end this segment very very quickly don't ask a question if you don't want an answer all right in that case this segment is now over well we just want to say thank you for the guest appearance

from multi-fibbage today it's always a pleasure to have him on the show there might be some more multi uh content coming up some dramatic content yes we were talking with his agent at a production company. We're working on something big. But for now... He keeps calling me, not with my sense of self-respect. Yeah, well, we're going to have to just deal with that after the show. It's time for the admin, the part of the show where most people mentally check out and count how long's left until they can press stop on their podcast.

One thing, Paul, I'd like to say. And it relates to what you just said, yeah? Yeah. Everyone, Paul sometimes puts little Easter eggs right after the end of the show. So it's worth listening through this boring, interminable shit from him. Not today, though.

I'm not going to put one on today. But sometimes there are ones, aren't there? Yeah. So just look out for that if you want a little poo pellet of extra content. Great. Like a little bit that you've missed. a little when you wipe and you miss and it hardens look here's the thing if you want to know our address to the po box or send your own price of shite goodies or

charity shop ephemera that's on our website if you want us get any merch whether it's artwork for a t-shirt or jumper or whatever there's many merch pages there's tony there's art there's events cheap show magazine page all links are there if you want to see pictures or sometimes videos to accompany these episodes that's on our website too every episode has a dedicated page but what is that website why it is thecheapshow.co.uk everything else if you want extra content extra podcasts extra videos extra anything patreon is your place to go patreon.com forward slash cheap show give what you can but only if you can

and you'll have access to months and years of all kinds of content and we're recording Nightbussing tonight a Patreon exclusive spin-off podcast where Eli and I

get on a nightbuss route and hope we don't get mugged so that I don't know you are living in a London of the past where it was rough he was scared everyone that we would go through Camden and that all the big boys would come on and be drunk.

But my prediction, Paul, is it's going to be really serenely empty. Well, we'll find out. Or rather, our patrons will. We'll record the episode. Night bussing. Night bussing, yeah. So that's it in a nutshell. Everything you want from us, go to thecheapshow.co.uk

patreon.com forward slash cheap show but we are on twitter where we're most chatty at the cheap show pod I'm at Paul Gannon show and Eli is Eli Snoid spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D and that's all for us this week oh you can email us as well thecheapshow at gmail.com if you've got

stories facts anything you want to correct us on any questions yourself if you want to send us on, any questions yourself, if you want to send us a tales from the shop floor, things like that, please do. I enjoyed that tales from the shop floor that we did. I liked it too. Fingers in garbage.

What did you say? No, no, no, no, no. What did you say? You got your fingers in grumble garbage. Where have you been? You are you blubble blubble blubble in the cobble.

What are you going back to your boggle? Well I was going to go back to my boggle. Yeah. But then the

bibble bowl in the way. You got way laid in the green room didn't you? I got wibbly way made in the bibble bowl and I

couldn't get to my grumble spot. Okay. I'm off now aren't I? Bye then. Goodbye Zippy. Goodbye.

And that's us for this week take care bye bye see you next week