CheapShow - Ep 33: Eli Silverman's Fan Club

Episode Date: January 25, 2017

Paul & Eli take refuge in Paul's Cambridge abode to deliver another economy comedy podcast In this episode, Paul delights in discovering more about Eli's new fan club. However, Eli is less impressed. We reply to your #AskSilverman questions. The chaps search through a "Betterware" catalogue to hopefully find gold, but come up with piss and in The Price is Shite, things get heated when Paul & Eli play a bit of Donkey Derby. Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. This is Paul Gannon. So, I thought I was going to do the intro, like normal. Oh yeah, you should do that then. Sorry, go on. Oh, well, I feel a bit deflated. Have I taken the wind out of your sails? No, I'll do it. Alright, okay. Okay, okay, just get into it.

I'm too comfortable. Yeah, yeah, okay. Ladies and gentlemen. I don't like that version. Oh, don't, Just don't start this. Sorry. Ladies and gentlemen, hello. It's Eli Silverman here. The wait is over.

I'm back in Cambridge and we're recording some episodes of The Cheap Show. Ooh, and who's this? Whoopsie gravy, it's Paul Gannon. Whoopsie fucking gravy. Yes. I like it. Yeah, thank you. All right.

That's my thing now. All right, whoopsie gravy. It's a brand new episode of Cheap Show. It's 2017 and we're back. And we're raring to go with more exciting economy comedy goodness. That was nice. It was. It was. It was almost as if I rehearsed that.

Yes. And I hadn't. Whoopsie gravy. Whoopsie gravy. So we are back in, well, we no longer have a studio. We're orphans. We're orphans from a radio desk. So we're recording this at Shea Gannon in Cambridge. Let me give you an idea of the classy setup we've got here.

It's basically a table in a corner of a big room. Talk me through it. Okay, well, it's a table in the middle of a big room, and we've kind of built a little wall of pillows around the microphone. It's almost like a childhood den. It's a little bit like a childhood den. I mean, there's going to be a little bit of reverb. You can't get around that.

And what is this beautiful box that you have the mic resting on there, Paul? It's a plastic box that you keep a screwdriver in. Okay. So, I mean, there. So, atop that is our Yeti Blue microphone. Now, that's state-of-the-art. Yes, which is a state-of-the-art product. Yes.

But as it is cheap show, I did get this for only £25 from a cash converter, when a usual going price for this is about £110. Oh, that's very good. Not too bad at all. We're all constantly saving money on this show. Yeah. The pillows come from an old couch that is currently upstairs in my flat. I don't fall asleep.

Yeah, this is very dull. It is very dull. So did you have a nice New Year, Christmas? Yes, I was DJing a lot over the New Year, as DJs do. And yeah, it was good. Nice to just relax, really. Yeah. So I worked hard over Christmas, the whole Christmas, working for the radio station I

was at at the time. And then I lost my job, so that was my Christmas. Yeah, done that. Right after New Year. Yeah. Happy New Year! Happy New Year, you no longer have a job. Great.

Isn't that great? Well, at least you got some nice food on Christmas Day. I had to go to a friend's house on Christmas Day. You had to. Well, I was planning not to. I thought, yeah, you were going to just have a quiet one with a kebab. I really, really wanted to do that. But then my friend said, oh, my mum really wants you to come over. Oh, right. Yeah, exactly.

So I had to. Stacey's mum has got it going on. No. No. She's not fit. Well, she was a beautiful woman in her day. Was a beautiful woman in her day. No.

Oh, God. All right. Okay. Anyway, it. All right. Okay. Anyway, it's, you know, he's an old, old time friend of mine. And obviously I felt like if she wants me to go, you know, it's Christmas. That's what it's about. All right. Visiting and stuff.

You fucked up. No, I didn't. God. Oh, God. You stuffed the turkey. No. Anyway, they're vegetarian. Yeah.

Oh, God. So I had to, yeah. Mate. And Virgil drove me over late because he was up late the night before. So we didn't get to do the sit-down meal. We had to sort of have plates that she'd saved. Right. So she's standing there, gives me this plate.

On the children's table in the corner. Basically. And, you know, she's a good cook, but it's just like, not loaf. No, mate. It was so dry. No amount of gravy could alleviate the dryness. And it's going to be vegetable gravy, so that's even going to be shit as well. No, vegetable gravy can be okay.

It was just a dry, nutty, nut-roasty dry. And I'm sitting there just shoveling it, you know, trying to get as much on my fork as possible just to get it down. Out of obligation. And she stood there. You know what I mean? She's standing there, chatting. Standing over you.

Yeah, like. Do you like it, Eli? Yeah, she's so nice. Anyway, so that was Christmas. It was the. DJ New Year's Eve. Yes, at the Discount Suit Company. Excellent.

Quite quiet. Fair enough. Nice. Lovely. Yeah, no pressure. No big pressure on counting down. I did do Prince's 1999 at midnight

good followed by David Bowie's Let's Dance nice I thought he might have gone Disco 2000 but I guess not

he's not dead is he no doesn't mean you can't play the song well I was doing the dead thing oh you were doing the dead thing I'm surprised you didn't put

the floral dance by Terry Wogan that would have been the pièce de résistance. On a hole, on a hole, on a hole. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, whatever. Whatever. So this is episode 33 of Cheap Show and what have I got to tell you guys today? I don't know. Because this is the best news

I've ever had in my life. So we may as well start talking about this now. You've got a fan page. What does that actually mean, though? Well, I don't quite know myself. All I know is we were filming Barshens yesterday, the YouTube channel that we're all involved in,

Ashton's and Barry and yourself and myself. People know Barshens. Most of our audience come to this podcast because of Barshens. Yes. Let's be honest. Okay. Because no one's going, have you heard the new Eli and Paul Gannon podcast? Oh yeah, it's just as good as

PowerPod. Fuck off, PowerPod. What's PowerPod? Oh, it's a really popular podcast with Ray Peacock and Barry Dodds about the supernatural. And everyone listens to it. That's fine. If you like that sort of thing. No, it's very good. So anyway,

we were filming Barsians, and then I noticed a tweet that went out. And let me just see if I can find that tweet now. Eli Silverman fans. You can follow them at E-underscore Silverman fans. And their first tweet was, All hail the official fan page for mr noodler himself eli silver and they copied me in um and there were a few hashtags in there hashtag noodles hashtag dj hashtag tales from the dance floor hashtag single woman i don't know what that's

all about i don't know but obviously i instantly joined them and uh i said you know what let's have a look at what's going on right now on their Twitter account. Oh God, they've posted quite a few tweets. There's a picture of Ron Jeremy there. I know, we'll get through it. So they posted yesterday, facts. He's 5'3 and loves noodles.

Are you 5'3? I'm 5'1. For years I thought I was 5'4 and then I got measured and I was sorely disappointed. For years I thought I was 5'4", and then I got measured, and I was sorely disappointed. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, there's three inches that are no longer there.

Yeah. They were never real. No. You imagined those inches. Fuck. I'm so short. I'm basically just on the verge of being a dwarf. An official dwarf.

You know what I mean? On the crevice. Yeah. On the fence. Or midget. I don't know what you're saying. Whatever insensitive word we come up with. Okay. Tiny people. I don't think that's right.

The little people. Yeah, that's offensive in two ways. I know. Good. I think I've hit the jackpot. So, another one fact. He is the star of fuck all TV shows. Reason why we all watch.

Don't know what that means. They're being funny, aren't they? Ha, ha, ha. Yes, I'm a loser. Great. Fact. Bigger penis than Ron Jeremy. That's not true.

That is not true. I've never seen any of Jeremy's work, actually, because I'm not into that. No. Yeah. I find it off-putting to see that face. Basically, what I find with porn in general is if you recognise the guy from other videos, you're just like, eh, you know what I mean?

Too familiar. It's like, yeah. I want a strange woman every wank. Yeah, and I don't want to recognise the guy. Like, he's always present. You know what I mean? Like, this bloke. Anyway, that's my thing.

And Ron Jeremy's the ultimate. As soon as the video starts, it's like, that's Ron Jeremy and you can't concentrate. No, puts you off your stroke. Yeah, he totally does. And they call him the Hedgehog.

Because he can suck his own. Apparently. He always gets asked at discos and parties and things. Yeah, imagine the misery of that. Imagine the misery. Your fame was having a big dick. We all wish to see you put your tongue on the tip of it.

Come on, it's a party, Ron. Brilliant. Oh, yeah. Whatever. Fact. Women find Eli attract more than they know or want to admit. That's true. Is it? Yeah. That's what you're telling yourself. We think he is a

sexy bear. Oh God. Now I don't know if they mean bear as in No, they mean as in hairy gay man. Hairy gay man. And then there's that picture of you with the mouth stirrups in whatever you want to call it and the image is accompanied by a sentence

that says the hole Eli puts noodles in. Yes. Which is true. I don't put them in any other hole. No. That's for sure. I'm't put them in any other hole. No. That's for sure. I'm not sick. What would be the use of sticking hot noodles up your arse?

Well, you could get them in the system quicker. Yeah, but then... Do you like booze? You know, you always hear those stories, people dying from chubbing wine up their arse. Never heard of that before. It's much more absorptive, and people don't realise. So, you can die.

If you chug on a bottle of wine by your arsehole. You can die. Good, I think you deserve to. So, that's a little warning. Don't do that, guys. So you can die. If you chug on a bottle of wine via arsehole. You can die. Good, I think you deserve to. So that's a little warning. Don't do that, guys. Don't do that. And don't put hot noodles up there either.

They've asked for suggestions from fans and that lovely moving picture of you and then what is Eli on about written next to it. Retweet us to follow the Eli fan page

Facts and Juicy Gossip. Fact, as an American with a cute British accent, Eli might be honouring Trump inauguration. I don't think that's true. I'm not honouring that fucker. No. Fact, Eli likes vinyl. Spot him at a vinyl shop somewhere. This is kind of creeping me out, I have to say.

It should do. And they're saying here they're happy to pamper your greatness before every Barshan shoot. What, they want to come down, do they? Come down, maybe give you a bit of executive relief. A bit of a fluff. Yeah. A bit of a hand shandy. Well, you know.

That's a good point. Okay, Google. Eli Silverman fan page. Here's an answer from Twitter. Oh, they only get... No, so there's no website right now, but there is a Twitter feed. Maybe there'll be a website soon.

Okay, well, you know. We can only hope. We can only hope. Right, so what do you think about that? If they start getting too offensive, I'm going to have to get official. You're going to have to get a lawyer involved. On the ass.

Yeah? Yes. What does that involve? Like printing T-shirts with your face on without your permission? Or, you know, suggesting I look like Ron Jeremy, frankly. To be fair, though, you do. Oh, our mate Graeme sent a tweet as well.

He's got involved. He's just trying to be funny, isn't he? He's trying to be funny. He's trying to get in. He sent me a text saying, Shall we kidnap Eli and send him the ransom video? Make a bit of money. Be like that film, Ruthless People.

Was it Ruthless People? With Danny DeVito and Bette Midler. Yeah, where they kidnap that person. Oh, yeah. And then no one wants them back. Danny DeVito and Bette Midler yeah where they kidnap that person and then no one wants them back oh they kidnap Bette Midler

yeah it's good isn't it I don't know not seen it so alright so on Twitter then to get back on point please follow them E underscore

Silverman fans and send any possibly libelous information their way and so Eli can sue for defamation of character and the least I'll make E underscore Silverman fans, and send any possibly libelous information their way, and so Eli can sue for defamation of character. And the least I'll make some money out of this whole fucking... Fucking, yeah. ...Fandango.

Mate. Shamble Fandango. You need to make money, mate. Mango Shamble Fandango. So I asked on Twitter, ask Silverman. It's our Silverman. It's our new segment,

Ask Silverman. Not Paul. No one gives a shit about me. Despite the fact that I put all's our new segment. Ask Silverman. Not Paul. No one gives a shit about me. Despite the fact that I put all the answers. I'll ask you some questions, Paul. I have no intention of answering the likes of you. All right. Right.

So we've asked that one. So what's come up on the Ask Silverman? Okay, Daniel May. Okay. Hello, Daniel. Hello. He asks, if Apple was to invent your perfect invention tomorrow, what would it be? Did I not ask you that before?

No. In that case, what would your perfect invention tomorrow, what would it be? Did I not ask you that before? No. In that case, what would your perfect invention be? Well, does it have to be Macintosh branded, does it? No. Oh. Well, it's Apple, isn't it? Yeah, I missed that. You know what gets me about Apple stuff?

They're expensive and shit? Yes. And also, they're all hermetically sealed. There's no way. If it breaks, there's nothing. There's no... You've got to go to the genius bar and ask some dickhead. Yeah.

Like, I'm an expert. Just because of the way they built it, basically. Yeah. If they built it modular, where you could take... Oh, my God. Shut up. Shut up. Just bear with me.

Where you could take it apart, you know, and that's like, that bit's broken. Yeah. I'll put another one in. Like, you know. Yeah. Like a normal manufacturer. But no, it has to be sealed. Yeah. Because that's how that's how they get you you can't take it anywhere else yeah otherwise they'll get you yeah and they won't help you later so daniel uh i'd prefer some other tech

giant built it but let's move on to the meat and gravy what you're obsessed with gravy and meat christ the meat and gravy of your question, which is what would be my ultimate invention. I would like a laser pen pointer thing. Cool, they exist so far, oh God. That you could point at a vinyl record and it would go around reading it. Like even if it was on a wall

and then it would send the signal to a Bluetooth speaker. That's actually a really good invention idea. You know? Yeah. Imagine the disco possibilities. And it would find the track and go... Yeah, yeah. It would have some kind of built-in...

I like that invention. Yeah, it'd be good. It's a very good invention. Built-in rotator. What would you call it? I'd call it the... Pause. Vynoscope.

Vinoscope? Yeah. All right. Handheld Vinoscope. I think that's a ridiculous name. Vaginoscope? No, they have one of those. Yeah.

It's called my tongue, baby. Oh, it gets all up inside them guts. Right, next question. Has it got a rotating function? Yes, it does. Oh, good. He also reads vinyl records. Daniel May again asks, can you sing?

Right, Daniel, this is your limit, can I just say? Yeah, I think it's so. Can you sing? And if so, can you give us a rendition of your harmonic voice? No, you did ask that one before. Yeah, I did. I'm not going to ask that one again. Fuck you!

I think that's it, though. Oh, right, one question. I thought there was more. Okay one again. Fuck you! I think that's it. Oh, right. One question. I thought there was more. Okay. Okay, here's one from Michael Saunders. He goes, what is the worst movie you've ever seen? And this is also a question for me as well. Well, good question, Mr. Saunders.

The worst film I've ever seen. I've got personal. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people wouldn't say Moulin Rouge was a bad film. No. I would say it was a bad film. Really? It made me physically unwell.

You know, that's pretty bad. Yeah. You know. The first half hour is pretty full on intense. Mate, I could not. It's like the most annoying editing style I've ever seen in my life. Terrible, melodramatic, bog wash. Bog wash.

Bog wash. So there's that. I hate that film. So fuck that film. But it's not bad bad, is it? No, but it doesn't have... I saw a film once called The Substitute 2, which was about a tough inner city school.

Oh my God, I already hate this. And the substitute teacher comes in. He's like this white guy and he's got a yo-yo. Is he an ex-Navy SEAL or something? Yeah, and he's got a yo-yo and then he deals with stuff. And it's just... And all the kids come to love him at the end. He's very, very bad.

Does he fuck one of the kids? Yeah. Yeah. So that was terrible okay substitute two I found a film called

Birdemic unwatchable to the point where I got a headache yeah it's just terrible because Birdemic is one of those it's so bad

it's good movies you have to watch it and so I watched it and like I was going 15 minutes in I've got a headache and it's interminable

and everything's bad and it's just painful to watch the effects about but did they kind of make it trying to angle for the so bad it's good market i don't know see if you do that you are going to fail you know what i mean because there's it's so difficult to make actually make a film yeah that's bad i know but i think this is just incompetence dressed up as someone thinking they were making a masterpiece it's bad it's it's hard to explain but like it wasn't cheery bad because like it's a it's a 70 80 minute no it must be an 80 minute movie but it feels twice as long because it takes forever for anything to happen and then when it does it doesn't last long enough

for you to kind of get any enjoyment out of it there's one scene where they randomly the two kind of heroes randomly bump into a scientist who's's one scene where they randomly, the two kind of heroes, randomly bump into a scientist who's on the beach and he gives a 10-minute lecture to the camera about how nature's turning against man. Oh, so it's like this is the theme of the movie. And then he just leaves the film. Okay, I'm here to explain what this film's going to be about.

Then now I'm off. Cheery pop-pop-a-bye. And he walks off. And then there's a love scene between the two leads that is the most awkward and Christian love scene I think I've ever seen where

it barely looks like they're touching each other and they're almost fully clothed and they kind of you know it's all weak shallow kisses

yeah weak shallow kisses like the kind of you'd give to your mum you're never going to wank off to that are you? I tried.

Yeah, I know. You try everything. I tried, don't I? You try on like a Hovis ad. You're pausing a Hovis ad. Look in the background. When I would tickle her, I'd fuck Hovis loaves and deliver them straight to Mrs. Groggins at the end of the road. She never knew why it was so soft in the middle.

She did. I spooked in your bread. Right, that's it. We're moving on. Let's move on. So one of the things I wanted to cover on this show for a while and we've never gotten around to it because I've never had one in my hands until now

is, well we know them as innovations catalogues. They were known and these are the glossy little pamphlets that you got they were always included in the, like, mail on Sunday Is that what you got in your hands? No Bloody hell, mail, fucking

hell Paul. No, that was just a bad example I just thought it's that kind of paper. Observer, Paul. No, that was just a bad example. I just thought, it's that kind of paper. The Observer. No, it was The Mirror, probably. Or The Sunday Times, yeah. Yeah. Or, you know. Other papers are available.

So, you get them in a Sunday edition of a national newspaper. Yeah. Often. And they sell all sorts of crap. Gadgets to improve your life. So, you know, gadgets you don't think you'd need. And you don't actually need. And you don't really need them. But they apparently make your life. So, you know, gadgets you don't think you'd need. And you don't actually need. And you don't really need them,

but they apparently make your life easier, you know? So, I bet this is an equivalent in America. Is there? Oh, yes. There must be, yeah. Because this is called the Betterwear sale catalogue. Betterwear. And it's promising over 200 amazing offers.

I'm looking at the cover, and there is a rolling hair threader which is a thing that this woman is rubbing on her cheek and what on earth is that? Is it just it pulls the hair out of your face? Oh, it's like a razor. I think so. But it

pulls them out right by the root. I guess if you've got a dowdy face and quite a peachy face. I don't mind that on a woman. I don't mind it. I like a lot of hair on a woman's face. No, I don't. I like a dowdy face. Yes. You know, quite a peachy face. I don't mind that on a woman. I don't mind it. I like a lot of hair on a woman's face. No, I don't. I like a lot of hair. Underarm hair

that you can grip onto. Are you coming on to me now? Oh. I'm not a woman. No, I don't think you're... Oh, God, I do realise what I've just described as you. Yes.

Oh, dirty boy. So, let's have a little look through. Now, there's all kinds of things for your kitchen, for your home. I just thought we'd, you know, go into a few of them right now. Okay, let's have a look. Let's have, for your home. I just thought we'd, you know, go into a few of them right now. Okay, let's have a look.

Let's have a little look. What have we got here? There's a blind cleaner. This is for cleaning Venetian blinds. Now that is pretty nifty. Only four quid. Only four quid down from £4.29, so a reduction of 30 pence. And it's got three blades.

You slot them into your blind and then go takes the dust off yeah not sure if that's going to be keep bacon

your bacon fresh yeah I already know how to do that yeah just don't stick it in the fridge in a bag or eat the fucking shit

yeah fucking see here we are we're getting into it now do you know people piss on bacon what people piss on bacon? What? People piss on bacon. Why?

To keep it cured. Apparently. Tesco's finest. Yeah. Has piss on it. Yeah. The farmer at the end of the day goes, Right, here we go.

Is he Northern? Yes, he's fucking Northern. He's always fucking Northern. I'm going to fucking take a massive slash on me bacon. I've been saving this up all day. Oh. Oh. I've been drinking Rottles. Is that a thing? I don't know.

This piss is foamy as fuck. No, they used to do that to cure it. Because piss, as we all know, is completely clean. Yeah. You don't want it in your face, though, or on your food. You don't want it anywhere near you. Because they used to do that with tweed jackets as well. Oh, yes.

They used to soak the tweed before they... In urine. Yeah. How do we get on to that? Bacon. Because there's a bacon. Keep your bacon fresh from being in here. It doesn't necessarily say piss, though, does it?

Well, that's how... This slim container. Oh, it's the perfect size for bacon. Like a sandwich bag. A well-done better wear. Like a sandwich bag. Yeah. Or cling film. Here's the one I like, sandwich bag. Yeah, or cling film.

Here's the one I like, starting off. Protect yourself from wind and rain by basically putting a plastic bag over your head. There's an old woman, and it's meant to be one of those... She's not that old. She looks old. Did she say she's in her late 40s?

She's aged badly in her late 40s, mate. Anyhow, it's a sort of detachable hood, see-through, so you can see cars coming. Yeah, but wear a hat, buy buy an umbrella have a hooded top don't go for the expense of buying an expensive coat and then getting this better wear is bullshit wear look at this one save 50p on this bathroom rhyme and rule so it's a thing you can stick to your toilet seat that says Eli. If you dribble when you piddle, be a sweetie and wipe the seedy. Are you going to pay £4.49 for that? Which is fucking annoying.

And reminds me of that time we went back to those girls' house after drinking at the... Yeah. At the... The Camden Head. No, it wasn't the Camden Head. It was that one in Kilburn. Was it? Yes. Okay. Oh, yes, it wasn't the Camden Head. It was that one in Kilburn. Was it? Yes. Oh, yes, it was. The comedy ship.

The good ship. No. Anyhow. Anyway, we met some women and thought, let's go back to theirs. They invited us nicely back to theirs. It was a social thing, not a sexy time thing. I think they wanted to be a sexy time thing. And I think we were like,

no. Anyway, they wanted it to be a sexy type thing. Did they? And I think we were like, no. Anyway, they believed in angels and they were all a bit new agey and I was like, I don't think I like this very much. And then I went to the loo and they had a Buddha sitting on top of the loo and

it said, in handwritten thing on a post-it note, the Buddha knows when you've been messy, so wipe the seat or something like that. Do you know what I mean? Fuck off. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.

That's the one I know. See, and that works, but they've gone, it's not quite cute and shit enough, so let's go, please be sweetie and wipe the seatie. No one says seatie. This is what it is. It's like a fucking, as if they're sort of mocking

the way Chinese people speak. No, I'm not even going to attempt that. It almost reminds me of that laundromat that used to be, laundromat, sorry, laundrette. Oh God, yeah. Which was,

wishy-washy, splishy-sploshy. That was their logo, wasn't it, on the outside? It was said on, wishy-washy, splishy-sploshy, cleany-nicky, velly-kicky. And that was actually up there

since a few years ago, man. Wow. Easily apply this self-adhesive sticker to a smooth, clean, dry surface and remind people of good toilet etiquette. £4.50. That's shocking. Make people think that you're a horrendous person

by putting this on. It's beyond cheesy and horrendous. Right, there's a bunch of Christmas shit that's right. Oh, you know what? The best one is, though. Go on. When you go into a restaurant and above the rhinos it says, we aim to please, you aim to please.

All right. Okay, I'm behind that. That's good. Come on. It's better than be a prick and wipe the seat. If you dribble, please be nice. If you splash piss all over the place, fucking wipe it up. Don't disgrace splash in my face.

Something like that. Oh, now we're getting into it. These are all for old people. Urine cleaner. Oh, yeah. £6.99. Yeah, this is for the old people. What does it do?

This perfect solution for cleaning urine spills and stains. Spills? That's a jest. You're carrying a pot of piss around? Or your bag first? Let's say, let's just say hypothetically, that your flatmate is in the toilet in the morning when you really need a piss and there's nowhere else to go

and you piss in a pot. In a glass. And you have to carry the pot somewhere else. Yeah. Listen, for years men lived without toilets that were in the house.

And they had pan potty pans. Pan bedpans, that's what they are. What's wrong with those? Why not use those now? Bring back bedpans so I don't have to get up and piss. You can't just use a curry tray. You can in my room, yeah. The house of pickles.

Good to get some mention. It's a spray anyway. It's a special formulation which both cleans and neutralises the area, ensuring odours and germs are completely removed. Yeah, you see, that's disingenuous, isn't it? Because germs, we all know urine is one of the cleanest things ever. It does not contain germs. They used it to clean wounds in the Civil War.

Oh. I didn't know that. And also if you're stung by an octopus. I mean a jellyfish. Isn't that apocryphal? I don't know if that's actually true. No, it is actually true. Well, if you'd like to try that out and have Eli come round to your place...

I'll bring a jellyfish round, sting you. Sting you up and piss up on your arm. Now, where would you like it, love? Do you want it to be stung in the face? to try that out and have Eli come round to your place I'll bring a jellyfish round sting ya sting ya up and piss on your arm now where do you like it love do you want it to be stung in the face why is it a little woman all of a sudden

good point excuse me sir sir can I piss in your face splishy splashy wishy washy pissy facey ready quicky

sock dryer uh oh uh oh I've spotted something have you now it is funky fresh laundry basket what makes it funky very quickie. Sock dryer? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I've spotted something. Have you now? It is funky fresh laundry basket. What makes it funky? Is it on the one?

Is it syncopated with the bass and the drums going together? Is that what makes it funky? Or is it smell of sex? Is that what makes it funky? No! In no way is that funky. It's a laundry basket. Well, no. Let me sell it to you the way they're selling it.

Make it funky, though. Okay, it says here, this is going to sell you on why you need this particular basket. Carrying washing from one place to the next can be a real chore. Chicka-wow. So brighten up your day with our practical laundry basket. The word practical could have been replaced with funky, exciting, brightly coloured. Practical as in it has

a use, right? Yeah, well done. It's so boring carrying washing that. It's funky! Enliven your life with a practical thing. That's terrible. I couldn't possibly buy this, Margaret. It's practical. I thought there was a sort of high point of the use of funky in marketing

speak a few years back and I thought it had gone but it's still there obviously. Depressing. Look at this. This is the tech section of the

magazine where you get the latest, the very latest Battle Wrathborn Sherlock Holmes DVD sets. Wow. People would

actually pay for that. Yeah. Wow. For £19.99 you can get classic Sherlock Holmes featuring all his adventures. Look at that though. Vinyl turntable £19.99 you can get classic Sherlock Holmes featuring all his adventures

look at that though, vinyl turntable £92 that is beyond terrible tell me USB digital audio output capture the music from your vinyl records and turn them into digital mp3s via your PC

3 speed turntable. 33, 45 and 78. For all those 78s. Oh. Hinge dust cover. Wow. I can see you're tenting in your pants as I read this out to you.

I'm moistening and tenting at the same time. Built-in speakers. A separate line-level output via phono connection. Oh, what? Like, so it's got an output? Yeah. Okay. It's got a 45 RPM single adapter.

Yeah. And, get this, it's mains operated. Oh, wow. And it's only £92.99. What an absolute thing. They've been trying to flog these things for years. You know, they used to do the sort of old school radio

style ones. Yeah. And you'd, you'd, you know, they used to do the sort of old school radio style ones. And you'd, you'd, you know, the, the selling point, again, it was for a sort of slightly older demographic

and it was sort of like, you've got all those old records you don't listen to, but go down nostalgia. Go down nostalgia lane. And fucking play them. I mean,

you can tell the age range of this audience by reading what they're selling, like, the Encore Boys, Jolly Songs of the Second World War, Pip Pip. Yeah, the song. Commemorate, commemorate, commemorative.

Commemoration. Commemoration. That's a word. It's a word. I can say it. I've said it before. Commemorative. So this turntable.

Yeah. I don't think that's worth 90 odd quid. It's not. 40. You can tell. I'm looking at the cartridge. Yeah. And the sty think that's worth 90-odd quid. It's not. And you can tell, I'm looking at the cartridge and the stylus. Now, that's really the problem.

These are very cheap, ceramic-style cartridges. And, you know, this is basically almost exactly the same as the sort of trendy ones that they sell in urban outfitters, Crossley.

And it's because of the vinyl resurgence. Records are having a bit of a they are yeah wasn't you that said a third of the people who buy them don't have a means to play them yes there's that ridiculous they just want to look at the nice picture and think i've collected something oh um but the problem is a lot of them people are buying these and they're like 70 quid and up upwards for these turntables and they are terrible. They sound very, very poor. Especially with the built-in speakers.

And it's all plastic and it's horrible. It's tinny. And that's surely putting people off. Well, you can imagine that. The people who are buying this are quite old. Maybe the hearing doesn't work. No, but these are youngsters buying the equivalent, the Crossleys. Yeah, they are, I guess. Well, they don't know what they're fucking buying,

do they? But as an entry level, it's terrible. Okay. Terrible. God, it's depressing. Look, Beatles, Elvis Presley Collection,

the Bible, Pope Francis, a pope for everyone. I mean, is he saying... Is he a pope for the Jews? Maybe, does it say? This fascinating program is the first detailed biography of Pope Francis

he is the first Pope from Latin America and the first Jesuit elected to see holy to the holy sea holy seat the holy sea S-E-E to the holy sea I mean that's literally what it says

well it's just a typo to the holy seat I'm going to rap to me. Learn about the man who has committed to changing the Catholic Church in the 21st century. Runtime, 60 minutes. A Pope for everyone. I would rather we have a Pope each.

I'd like my own personal Pope. I'd like one called Pope Gary. He could shit in the woods. And you would go, does a Pope shit in the woods? you would go does a pope shit in the woods erm yeah yeah I got what that meant

yeah and I'd be able to prove that yes erm yes he does if he's caught short so how protracted that's going to be

you're in a pub conversation with a friend and say so Eli did you sell that mattress does a pope shit in the woods I don't know

follow me and you lead them out into the street where you've got your Pope sitting there going, I'm cute. Contraception. So you see some droppage. You hear that soft, soft, light thud of arse meat hitting grass.

Fecal. Yeah. Fecal driftage. And then your little Pope goes, where did the toilet roll? Use your fingers, Pope. Anyway. So, yeah. So apparently this guy, Pope Francis,

came out the other day. Not came out. Not came out. That would be amazing. That would be big news. Hey everybody, I'm a gay. I don't know why he's Italian. He's not.

Because he's not. He's plainly not Italian. Because it says there he's from South America. Yes. So he came out and said, Hey, everybody. He said evolution, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Yeah, that's obviously true. So, I mean, it's like, well, so what are you doing then? What are you saying? What are you going to do about it? I mean, how are you, you know? Yeah.

How's he building on that revolution? I don't understand. It's like, yeah, so there's no, obviously, root for God in the theory of evolution. No, but what happened is the next pope will go, he's not talking that to his ass. He ain't no more than that. I just find it strange, you know.

Oh, God. God, this is shit. This is not the best. I need to find innovations. I thought. It was going to be like innovations. Yeah, and it's not. It's just old people's near-death magazine.

It is. It's just old people near death. It really, really is. Well, look, I'm going to apologise. I think I've wasted our time. I think you should apologise to me and also the listeners, Paul. I'm sorry.

Look, I'm tearing it. We'll try and get a better... A proper one. A better catalogue perhaps one from the 70s would be good wouldn't it because it would have

all sort of racism and sexism in it which we could mock you know or agree with probably not it's the fucking price of shite it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite.

It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. And that's right. See, how slick was that with a bit of production, a bit of a big band going on. Yeah, I don't know what was that whole sort of thing at the beginning. That was the orchestra kicking in. Yeah.

You know when it used to be like, and now on ITV, it's time for Bruce Forsythe's big night and then it would cut to the the drums going and then the horn section comes in and the 70s orchestra

is like and then he comes on with lots of dancing girls and he goes I love it when you do Bruce Forsythe. Yeah. Okay. That's it.

I've done it. Stroke patient. Although maybe he did have... I don't know. He's very poorly... He is an immortal being. Bruce Forsythe. If you're listening to this...

That might get him. Anyway, Price of Shite. It is. I like the Price of Shite. You like the Price of Shite. I like, Price of Shite. It is. I like the Price of Shite. You like the Price of Shite. I like the Price of Shite. I've got a very special Price of Shite tonight. You've got some items for me now, Paul, have you?

I do. I do indeed. We're going to play a little bit differently. Usually the game is I get the item out and you price it. And then you see how close you were within 50p. And it leads nowhere. Yeah. Or it usually is an underwhelming score yes you know so what i've done this time is i have uh got three items

however what i want you to do is price them in order in order from cheapest to most expensive okay all right yes now the first item I'm going to show you today, you're going to hate because your complaint when we do this is always, why do you always back and get stuff for you? It's the same price as shite. Well, look, I just think it harms the integrity of the whole section when you go, oh, that's a little Ghostbusters thing. I like that.

I'll have that. Who fucking cares how much I pay for it? You probably write it off against your tax as well, don't you? Don't be stupid. I don't pay tax. All right. So it's not always Ghostbusters stuff. Ooh, supernatural.

It's not. Anyway, I saw this and I was like, I have to get it. It's a bargain. Okay. So it is this Ghostbusters 1 and 2 Blu-ray disc. Oh, you are kidding me. No, Blu-ray disc. That's expensive, that is.

It's not shite. How is this describable as shite in any sense of the word? Some people don't like... It's not even a cheap DVD. It's the Blu-ray, the special edition. Whoop-dee-dup-dee. Fucking, you know, la-dee-da. Whoopsy gravy. Whoopsy-gravy.

Oopsy-gravy. Thank you. Well, some people think number two is a subpar comedy movie. I don't care for number two. I tell you what, you want to know why this is shite, right? I'll give you a very acute reason

why this is shite. So on the front cover, which if you want to go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, every episode is accompanied by images so you can see what we're looking at because it's a podcast and you can't so the cover of this Blu-ray has the Ghostbusters logo on

I find this offensive because what they've done is they've gone, we're Ghostbusters Wilder 2 so let's have the logo do Ghostbusters 2 and Ghostbusters Wilder but didn't do Ghostbusters 2 and Ghostbusters 1 at the same time. But didn't the Ghostbusters 2 logo originally have just him doing two? Yes, but there's never been a picture of the other ghost... The other arm?

...holding a finger and one. That's fine. What's wrong with that? It's not. Why don't you just keep his normal arm outstretched and just have normal... Because this is Ghostbusters 1 and 2, Paul. Yeah, but why do you... No one says, oh, have you seen Star Wars 1? No one says, have you seen Ghostbusters 1? No one says, have you do you... No one says, oh, have you seen Star Wars 1? No one says, have you seen Ghostbusters 1? No one says,

have you seen Beverly Hills Cop 1? Razor Lost Ark. No one says... Indiana Giants 1. Yeah, no one says that. No one says that. I just did. Yeah, but...

Have you seen it? Why isn't it called the DVD, Ghostbusters and 2? Because that doesn't sound right. Or then take the effort to spell Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2. They're two separate films. It's 1 and 2. But you don't effort to spell Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2. They're two separate films. It's one and two. But you don't call a film Ghostbusters

1 and then the logo never held a finger in the one position. But they've done actually a decent enough sort of graphic design job. I think that's ridiculous. His arm looks a bit like a twisty dough ball. Because they've copy and pasted his arm from the other side from Ghostbusters 2 onto the one. Why not just leave that hand

alone in the normal position and then kept the two in? That would have been acceptable. Also, behind him he seems to be emerging from some kind of tunnel. There's light shafts coming up behind him

which is shit. Which is shit and usually though to be fair Ghostbusters logos covers now when they have the double movie package

just have a kind of slime motif which I think is worse. Worse than that? Worse than that, yeah. But anyway it's a two-disc set. One and two. And for people who are fascinated,

until recently you couldn't get the deleted scenes from Ghostbusters 2 on any format. This Blu-ray has the deleted scenes of Ghostbusters 2. Includes the deleted scenes from 2. Does it have any extras from 1? Oh, sorry, from Ghostbusters. You mustn't call it 1. You mustn't call it 1 or Paulie has a history for it. Yes, it has some of the extra features that appear on the original Blu-ray and the DVD.

Right. And also has a new feature, which is a retrospective roundtable discussion with director Ivan Reitman and Dan Aykroyd. So there's bits on there. And as I say, for me, it's a Ghostbusters 2 finiciardo. I've never seen all of the deleted scenes properly presented. So this is, you know, nice. Something you desperately wanted for your collection. And it is no way really describable as shite.

It's not tat, is it? No. It's a DVD. It's two DVDs of your favourite film franchise. But it was a bargain to the point where I was like, I can't believe they priced it like this. Okay, listen. I'm having it.

I'm willing to let this go, yeah, if you have some actual shite. I do. I do. I think I want it to soften. Well, that's the most expensive item. There you go. Okay.

I know. There's nothing you're going to bring out that's more than that. Well, you don't know, do you? Right? Where did you get that? I will give you a quick story as well. So I was in one of the... I'm not going to even name the charity shop because I don't know, do you? Right? Where did you get that? I will give you a quick story as well. So I was in one of the... I'm not going to even name

the charity shop because I don't want to slur them, but I was near the Grafton Centre in Cambridge and there's a number of charity shops on a little stretch of road there. I think there's like seven or eight. Anyway, I went into one of them that I will not name. And as I'm looking through the board games and the tat and the bits and bobs, this guy who's behind

the counter, who obviously runs the place that day, talking very politically. Oh, but Trump's not going to get a bigger turnout for this and blah, blah, blah. And everyone goes, oh, it's so sad. Obama's leaving. That's his tone, right? And then he's like, but did you know that he's dropped more bombs on

Syria than any other person in the world? And it's like, yeah, mate, you saw that on Facebook, so therefore you didn know, you didn't want to do any more research or look into the political system, what else is going on. You just saw that and went, oh, obviously, Obama's a deadpaw. Just spout some crap that I saw. Then he goes and ties it off by going,

I reckon they cut him some slack because he's a black guy. Right, okay. And I was like, that's it. And I was so tempted to go, you're a fucking moron and I want to have an argument with you. But actually what I did do is I slammed down the book I was reading and went, oh!

And I walked out. Nice. Yeah, very British. Yes. Impotent with rage. Sorry, I was having a moment. Yeah, you're having a real stroke. I'm just having a moment. Yeah, you're having a real stroke. Item number one was that.

Item number two is these. Is these. You see, you're saying that's not theoretically correct, but it is these. Get the shite out. I'm gone. Look at these. Get the shite out. Hang on. There it is.

Look at these. These are four, I'm going to put them down very carefully, four little measuring cups for, you know, teaspoon sugar things, but they're designed. Why don't you explain? These are four little ceramic items, slightly larger than thimbles,

but they are miniatures. And you've got a little milk jug. That's the largest one there. You've got a gravy boat. Whoopsie gravy. Whoopsie gravy. Yeah, so you've linked up there very well. Nicely done.

There's a gravy boat there. Yeah. And that's very small. And there's a teacup. I think it's a teacup. A teacup. Oh. That bloody cat's a teacup. A teacup. Oh. That bloody cat.

Focus pulling cunt. No one wants to feed you or stroke you. So at least he hasn't attacked me today. Yeah. He usually claws me.

Paul's cat. Great. Because it's bigger than you. Sorry. And there is also a slightly larger coffee cup Paul's cat great because it's bigger than you sorry and there is also a slightly larger coffee cup or something or milk jug

or something I don't know what do you think that is a goblet and they do have little measurements in them the big one

that's one tablespoon is it yeah wow that's small oh no but there's a little mark down it's not

all the way to the top yeah okay and. Oh, no, but there's a little mark down. It's not all the way to the top. Yeah, it's not completely to the top. Okay. And they have a little mark. And there's a gravy. If you wanted gravy for mice or something. Yeah. If you make enough gravy, you don't want to waste the gravy.

No. So if you're making a little tea party for mice, these items would be perfect size. Yes. Or a doll's house. Yeah. But they are also quite useful measuring items. This is tat. This is tat.

This is tat. Quite beautiful tat. So, and where's the charity shop? I believe this was the RSPCA. Okay. Yeah. You hear that? I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm trying to threaten him. Threaten him. Okay. So. You'll be there. You'll be helped by the RSPCA in a minute. I don't know what I'm talking about I'm trying to threaten him threaten him okay so you'll be there you'll be helped by the RSPCA in a minute they've got a nice paint job on them yes they look pretty

well not enameled but they've got some kind of bakes on glazed yeah so you know so that's an item see

that's quite nice isn't it you could store drugs in it always a you could there is that possibility always a bonus and a piece of shite yes could uh store drugs in it always a you could there is that possibility always a bonus and a piece of shite yes you can put drugs in it yes kids don't use drugs with your parents all around just do it alone or unless they are needed to keep you alive like

insulin you insensitive fuck you know some people smoke weed because they have pains. Who said weed? Me. Go on. Anyway. So there you go. That's item number two. My four measuring teaspoon. Just measuring cups, but in the design of different types of kitchen implements. Kitchy measuring

cups. Yeah, kitsch measuring cups. Very Great British Bake Offery. Yes, extremely whimsical. So that is item number two. Now, item number three is quite big. So I'm going to bring those two chairs over. What? And I'm going to show you what I've got.

I don't know why, I've just realised. I don't know why I've got these headphones on. They're not plugged into anything. So I want to get it out. Ooh-er. Right, and then you have to describe it okay so this is the third piece of shite coming it's coming any second now and here is the big reveal he's really excited about this oh what is this oh so i see in the box this is a donkey derby it is you choose your favorite donkey and jockey place your bet sit back see who

will pass the winning post first this is like a miniature one of those things those automated uh horse racing machines that they have in fairs and on piers oh yeah it's great to have a grumpy uh man grumpy man running it yeah and the idea was you put some fake points or money on which horse you thought was going to win. And then he'd say, right, betting's over. And then you'd hear... The donkey derby. It's not truly random. No, it's not at all truly random.

Well, they say it was. They say it was, but we just don't know. We're not here to judge. So this looks like it's in good condition. It's not in bad condition at all. It looks like it's in good condition it's not in bad condition it looks like it's complete and so what it's got an automated uh a battery does it and then you you start it off yeah and the idea you place your bets and then randomly what happens is a little vibrating system inside and it kicks marbles up against the horses so it it launches them further towards the end goal so theoretically it should be random every time.

I see. So we're going to play a donkey derby. So there are four racers. So Eli, this is donkey derby. I'm going to shout. So this is what it looks like. You've got your finishing posts there. And then you've got your straight.

And then you've got at the end, you've got your horsey racers there. Or donkey racers, really. They're not horsies, they're donkeys. They are. And then, so that's the idea. And there's a vibrating system that knocks these forward like this. They go, oh, oh. I see, yes.

Donkeys, of course, known for their large penises. No comment. So. Oh, your cat's involved. Eli, no, the cat is not putting a bet on. Eli, what horse do you think is going to win? I'd like to pick the red. Red, you're going to go with red?

Red is, yeah. Right. I'm going to go with yellow, I think, which is the centre one. Which is for cowards and urine. Listen, you know, get it right. All right, okay. You want yellow? Come on, you're such a mean bastard.

It's a pissy flavour. Is it? So anyway, we're going to now start the race. I'll press this button. Come on, Red. And I'm yellow,

so that's Eli's and that's mine. Oh, I'm moistening. Here we go. Ready for the race? Go. Put some sexy music on and you can maybe do an announcement

of who's going further. Right. What's your horse name called? Red. That's it. Red rum. I don't know what. I'm going to make up.

It's a donkey for one. All right. That's the joke, isn't it? Then maybe. Let's call him the funky donkey. The funky donkey. All right. I'm going to go with a...

Piss boy. No. What? I thought it was something sensible. Like Madame Fishtits. Yes. Madame Fishtits. Madame Fishtits.

And the funky donkey. Funky donkey. Are you ready? Okay. Are we ready? Go. Here we go. And they're on the start.

It's all on the line. And they're ready to go. And it's three, two, one, go. Go. Go racing on the Arabian Darby. So play it now. And it's 3, 2, 1, go! And they're off. Oh, come on! Oh, look at this. It's Orange in the lead.

Who's going to win out of us two? I'm right at the back. No, I'm going to take you. Oh, look at this. It's Orange in the lead. Who's gonna win out of us two? I'm right in the back. No, I'm gonna take you. I'm gonna, oh. Oh no. I'm sliding down. This is horseshit. It's very poor.

Oh no. Oh. And that's it. It's all over. It's all over. No, no, you haven't won yet. Oh yeah, between us two. I might beat you.

All right, okay. I am gonna beat you. Oh my God! Please. Yes! Funky Donkey coming in with a late run and he takes it from Piss Flat Murchurcher.

Not happy with that. That's pretty good that. Yeah, it's alright isn't it? It's in working order. It's in working order. There you go. That's nice. It's a nice item. How much do you think it is? Well, I'd say that could be about £4.50. Interesting. But that's not the game, though, is it?

That's not the game, is it? So I need now... You need to rate it. That was a good piece of shite, Paul. Yeah? Yeah. You've gone from total sellout buying a movie, your favourite movie on DVD. I don't have it on Blu-ray.

This is proper shite. This is to the spirit of the game, where you buy something you'll never ever use again. No, that's it. I play with it now. So, I'm going to do the... What is the cheapest item? Is it the ceramic food measuring

kitchenarium? Is it the Ghostbusters Blu-ray disc? Or is it the Donkey Derby?

I would say the cheapest now, did you buy this? These all came as a set.

And that's the whole set? Yeah, cheapest. You've got the whole set here. Cheapest. See,

it's obviously not Ghostbusters 1 and Flipping 2, is it? That's cheapest, okay? So I'm discounting that. So I'm looking at the Donkey Derby,

good working order, and the box isn't quite good, Nick, as well, I can see. It's not too bad. There's also some little coins in there that I didn't get out,

but they're for your betting. There's sort of betting tokens in there as well. Yeah. Okay. They're not essential, obviously, to play the game. Not to what we were doing,

no. No, okay. Which I won. We've made that very apparent. Red for winners, obviously, to play the game. Not to what we were doing, no. Which I won. We've made that very apparent. Red for winners, you're in for pissers. Okay, so I'm going to... It's a little victories for you, isn't it?

It's all about the little victories. Because you're such a loser in general. It's when you win a petty little game like this that you're like, I'm king of the world! It's true. Come on, you've got to take some pleasure from somewhere in life, don't you? Yeah. From little victories. That's what you call your penis, little victory.

That's good, actually. Right, go on. What's the cheapest thing? I'm going to go for the measuring, the kitschy measuring utensils. Measuring devices. Okay. I'm going to say they're the cheapest. Yeah.

And then I'm going to say middle. Middle. Donkey Derby. Okay. And. Yeah. I'd say to say middle, Donkey Derby. Okay. And I'd say the most expensive, probably not by a long way, would be Ghostbusters 1 and 2. Okay. So, that's what you said. Measuring Donkey Ghosts.

Yes. Right. The actual order was, the cheapest item on the selection today was the Donkey Derby. It was £1.50. That's... £1.50 from the RSPCA. order was the cheapest item on the selection today was the donkey derby it was one pound 50 that's one pound 50 from the rspca now that's cheap show that's goodness yes yeah that's it's still in working order i didn't have to do much with it batteries came with it works yeah it works batteries included yeah the batteries alone are probably worth one pound they're the batteries you know the ones the size of your fist? Yeah, it's those ones. Crazy.

£1.50. Crazy time. Anyway, the second most expensive item on this list, the Ghostbusters DVD. £2.00. £2.00 in scope. That's good.

And it was just on the sale with DVDs and Blu-rays all £2.00. And I was like, you already laughed, mate. So I grabbed it. Yeah. So that's why.

I wouldn't have bought it otherwise but it was so cheap. And then this. I wouldn't have bought it otherwise, but it was so cheap. And then this. That's the most expensive. Most expensive. The little items, because it all came together to £2.50. £2.50 for those items.

£2.50 for the set, yeah. £1.50 for the Donkey Derby. Yeah. And £2 for the Ghostbusters. So all very close together. Yeah. I would have paid £4 for that Donkey Derby. If that had been priced £4.

Derby? Derby? Derby. I say Derby. Abu Derby that donkey derby. If that had been priced £4? Derby? I say derby. Abu Derby. Abu Derby. Yeah, they don't pronounce it that way or spell it Derby, do they? It's Abu Derby.

No one says Terence Trent Derby. No one says his name anyway nowadays, do they? No, I can't even remember the song he did. Tie your name across my heart. I want you to be my baby. Yeah, we do remember it. Alright, go on. Making love and wishing well, wishing well. Making love and wishing well?

What's all that about? Take me to the wishing well. That was his other one. Welcome to the lollipop guild. That's what it sounds like when you do it. What? Because I'm a munchkin? Yeah. Fuck you. And that's what it sounds like when you do it what because I'm a munchkin yeah fuck you and on that's

the end of I didn't get anything right no I was totally wrong yeah in every way

little victories fuck you so if you'd like to join Eli's fan club go on twitter at e underscore

silverman fans please do I'd like a lot of people to send their questions into Eli. So what? You're going to say the questions can go on the fan page? No, I don't run it, so I don't know. I'm just saying they want facts. So if they've got an Ask Silverman question.

They don't. If they do, they should get in touch with us. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, they want facts about you. What like? Penis size. I'm not yeah they want facts about you what like penis size I'm not fucking doing that

penis size come on is it a thumbs worth it's better than a thumbs worth come on is it yeah that's as far as I'll go

that's what she said oh no oh anyway no that's the end of another episode of the cheap show we're back in a few weeks' time. Also, I've been thinking about this between you and me. We should do mini-episodes where we just get on Skype when we can.

And do a little discussion point. So we can maybe save the Ask Silvermans for those mini-episodes or the questions and things. So if you've got anything you want to give us for a mini-episode, whether it's a question, an anecdote, something that Eli can react to, just join us on Twitter at The Cheap Show Pod. The website's

www.thecheapshow.co.uk and also that's about it. Barshan's every Friday on YouTube. I don't know what it is. I was full of vim and vig at the beginning of this episode. Now I'm losing the will to live. We've got a whole other episode to record

next week. I'm eating this. Don't eat paper, man. I'm eating paper. You're going to cause problems down the road because you

eat paper and plastic. You've got that disease. Pica. Yeah. You have pica, don't you? Yeah. You've got it worse

than anyone I've ever seen. This is like a glossy magazine. You're eating swathes of it. Yeah, I'm eating it sole. If I've ever seen. This is like a glossy magazine. You're eating swathes of it. Yeah, I'm eating its soul. If I eat them, maybe I'll inherit the items within. Goodbye. you