CheapShow - Ep 334: The Walk Men (A Ball Of Chalk Part Two)

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

In Episode 310, all those months ago, Paul and Eli attempted to complete the whole of the Celandine Walk in 6 hours. They absolutely failed and had to abandon the walk because Eli had somewhere better to be, apparently! However, this failure got under their skin, and they decided that they both need closure. This week, the Cheap Chaps decide to finish off what they started and endeavour to complete that walk, taking them from Swakeleys Park to the Grand Union Canal in Cowley. That means there is a good five miles of walking ahead of them! Along the way, they decide to also cram in another modular “Price of Shite” and guess the prices of seven weird and wonderful charity shop finds. Who will win the most “p’twings” by the end of the journey? Why do they keep getting lost? What happens when they run out of places to walk to and who smokes too much and nearly whites out? Find out in this bumper walkabout edition of CheapShow! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-334-the-walk-men And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! URINEVISION 2023 is coming LIVE 2nd JUNE on YouTube @ 8pm GMT, so catch up with our 2021 episode: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-232-urinevision-2021 MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Previously on Chiefs Show getting old just over there it starts here it's culverted in this little park we're in in pinner and i'm just going to read you out what it says on here right so interested to hear this it's a walk of 12 miles along the river pin from pinner to the grand union canal at cowley through green spaces conservation areas and wildlife havens allow about six hours to complete the route which can be walked in either direction we're're starting in the Pinner End. Pinner End. And going to Cowley, Pinner to Cowley direction. I've got basically printed out a map of the route.

The walk can be completed in small sections to suit the individual needs. The plan is that we're going to give ourselves four hours to do a six-hour journey. The deal is we have to get from here to the Grand Union Canal. At Cowley. At Cowley by six o'clock. It's a race against time. We found the swing, so all things have stopped. Now, however, the swing is in a very weird position.

It's kind of like dangling over a big well. I'll get it, I'll get it. I'll bring it to you. Oh, muddy. It's muddy. It's muddy, man. It's very muddy, Eli. Bring it to you.

It's easier. All right, don't do a single fucking thing until I film this, you twat. Oh, I'm sinking in the mud, Eli. Stop this. I'm sinking. Hang on. Action. Here he goes.

Very brave. It's very steep and high. Gives it a good tug to test the strength of the rope. Go for it. He's going for it. But how does he get down? Nice. No, nicely done. My turn. You film it. It's still filming.

It's intense. You've just got to hold on. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no. I'm going backwards. Yeah, you've got to get on there. Hey, eat that nature. I'm going backwards. You've got to get on there. Hey! Eat that, nature. Swing masters. We're coming at you.

Let's get going back on the route. Well, there's the pin, so we're on the right route. We haven't gone off piste. You're more interested in that than getting lost. We had little muddy feet. Do you want to know what it's like to have your body found in a fucking river? Do you want to have people mourn your death? If you actually tried to murder me, I would put up a big fight board and you would be crying.

You wouldn't. With your teeth in your hands. Because I'd bite at your perineum. How many death threats have you done this walk so far? Well, how many times have you complained about not knowing where the map is? And then you've got the map. I don't know where the fuck we are not knowing where the map is and then you've got the map. I don't know where the fuck we are. Here's the thing, every time you've had the map we've gone off piste and every time I've

had the map we've done alright. We need Winston Churchill. Yeah, that's there. You've ruined this now. I haven't ruined shit. You've ruined this now. It's twenty past four mate, let's crack on. We've got just over ninety minutes to get as close as we can

to the end of the trail, right? We're not going to get any further here today. Oh, boo-hoo, Mr Defeatist. We're staying on the trail. I've got the treasure map, the Goonies treasure map, that I've been looking at. And again, for the reference, ladies and gentlemen, on this walk, every time I've had the map, we've stayed too true.

Every time Eli's had it, it's been... Hey! Oh! I'm stuck! I'm not helping you. You said you wanted me to die. Fair. I'll give you that. You're not in the mood. I'll tell you why I'm not in the mood.

I've been walking now for like two hours. Is that right? Three. Three hours we've been walking. My feet are sodden. The bottom hems of my trousers are soaked through as well. And they're starting to touch coldly on the skin of my calves. Yes.

And I've got you literally putting in what is, even for you, a C-minus today with your wit. I'm sorry, you're just not being very good. Excuse me! And you know why? You can tell because you've turned to insulting me, calling me a coward, saying I will die, murder me, all of this shit about me.

Pure projection. Oh, shut up. Shut up! Shut your fucking whinging, bitching, whining face. You stupid fucking hairy baby. This was going well until you got a little mood on because you couldn't walk in the dark. I've actually been enlivened by having a go at you. Me too. I'm feeling frosty and fruity.

Let's do this. Let's do this. Across this road, I think you should stop. No fucking... Yeah, no fucking walk's going to stop us. Right, well, after some consultation between Eli and myself, we've come to agreement that this podium we're at, this sitting area, is the end of the route. I think we've done two thirds of the route. We're at stage 15 of 21, and then after that we have to cross cross the A40 and then it's another hour to get to our final destination. We've done quite a long journey today. This has been an epic one, ladies and gentlemen.

I hope you've enjoyed this epic walk as much as we've pretended to enjoy it for you. Right, should we pull this off? No, take three, everyone. Take three. You missed that one. So, with a material like Eli's penis whistle and his... Well, we're just going to do it again. Just do a normal, like from the very start. Normal. This isn't going well.

It's not going well. We fucked the first and I forgot to record the second. Oh, here we go. I'm getting it on. And action. Hello, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where this week we decide to finish off

something we started six months ago in an episode you may remember called A Ball of Chalk. And we're back where we ended that section of the walk. Eli, continue to tell us what's going on today on this week's episode of cheap shoe thank you paul yes we're completing the selendine route we started off in pin uh in that episode known as the ball of chalk and we are completing it i am wearing the same trousers but at this point the hems are not soaked through and my feet are not besmirched with mud and sod sodden sodden and

gomorrah do you want to do your bit about the penis whistle again that was funny wasn't it i have a dry whistle look just to summarize long story short cock cock whistle my whistle upstairs is dry my whistle downstairs my downstairs whistle is also dry and blowing in the wind now like a flag on a windy day a flutter flutter flutter, flutter it goes. When we first did the first two thirds, essentially, of the route, we were following this very useful guide that you printed out nicely and stapled. I like the attention to detail. And we went up to, what was it?

This is Swakeleys Park. This is here. So, officially speaking, it's stage 17. So we're between 17 and 18 on the map. Okay. If you're following this at home, which you're not. And we are going to get, as you say, where there's a confluence of some sort between the River Pin and the Grand Union.

Yeah. Grand Union, of course, runs all the way into London, past London Zoo. So we could go and walk to London Zoo. We could. We could even, because this journey might only take us about an hour and 20 minutes to complete. And so if that's true, we'll just have a little wander along the canal. We thought that might be fun. And Paul, do we have any kind of activities

to keep people entertained along the way? Well, fuck my chapped lips, yes we do. Because, wow, we're going to be doing something fun along this route remember last time boys and girls ladies and gentlemen don't say boys and girls because it's an inclusive show

who says that that's like some other comics little remnant like a Butland red coat Bobby Davarot says it right oh you've put me off me flow

a flow rider oh my pagoda you were going to tell us what else was coming up on the show. Oh, yeah. So we're going to do another modular price of shite, which has been sent in by a listener to the podcast. And they've got a little letter and a few rules of engagement.

But other than that, we're ready to go. Are you ready to go? I am. I just want to ask you about one other thing. By the way, we're in the pagoda. Yeah, where we ended. Where we ended last time, our attempt at the Selandine route, and we are going to...

We're going to finish it off. There's one thing we're going to do today. We're going to take that Selandine route and finish it right off. Flip it over a table, throw off all the cups and saucers, and then roughly take it from behind. Paul, are those buttercups, or are those indeed Selandines, these small yellow flowers we can see around us in the Swakely Meadow? Eli, they are definitely buttercups or are those indeed celandines, these small yellow flowers we can see around us in the Swakely Meadow? Eli, they are definitely buttercups.

No, they're celandine. I think you're getting confused. Well, anyway, I'll be on the lookout for actual celandines. Whereas I won't. So... I've got one other thing. One other pagoda question before we set off. Have you got any snacks or anything like that? No, no.

I've got some chocolate we might try. All right, I've got nothing. Oh! Spicy nuts. All right. Spicy peanuts. Great. I don't...

I'm not interested in that. No, coachy peanuts. Shut up. Shut your... You know what? Shut up. Shut up. And be quiet.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. And be quiet. Shut up. Shut up. So, let's begin our walk. It's time to, once again, take our... Oh, for fuck's sake, mate. Take our place in history and join those who have bravely defeated the Selendine Walk. And we're going to begin it right now. Join us.

Why don't you? It's a fun walk. Fucking hell, you've ruined it for me. Get away from me. I'll fuck you up, boy. Get away from me. I'll fuck your dry whistle up. I'll fuck you. Get to the other side of the pagoda.

Fuck this and fuck you. My pagoda. Selen D. Root. Walking down the Selen D. My pagoda. We're starting down the route. Right, that's it, let's get going. So the route has begun in earnest and slight amendment.

The whole we've only got a little bit to go thing was a bit of an overestimation as I'd forgotten to completely print out a whole page beforehand linking the end of our route to the one I thought we were starting on. So we have an extra three or four stages, about 45 minutes extra walking out to our day uh so that's fun help send help we're stuck paul's been fucked up bigger than all things of all time and i'm stuck with him and he won't let me go home no go home go on go home the station's right there you know where it is go home go, go on. Go on, go home. I don't want you. You're just saying you fucked up, aren't you?

Go home. I'll do this episode by myself. No, it's nice. It'll be a nice John Rogers-esque episode with me going, Oh, look, the Queen of Bonflorflor once had a mound here where she set up a small inlet for wayward travelling as a toll house. Please stop.

This is the gold they'll get now that it's episodes just me on my own. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Gannon's... Hang on, I need to think about this. It's a walk. It's Paul Gannon. Lovely Walkman.

Can I start this bit again? This is the new channel of mine called Lovely Walkman. I'm the Lovely Walkman, Paul Gannon. Lovely Walkman. Can I start this bit again? This is the new channel of mine called Lovely Walkman. I'm the Lovely Walkman, Paul Gannon. And I'm going to show you my walk now that I'm taking. Shut up. Stop pretending. Trying to put drama. I'm not pretending.

I want you to go home. You're like one of the worst hack 70 year old soap writers. With a big glass of whiskey there. What I do is inject some kind of fucking drama into this. I'll pretend I hate him. I want you to go home. I wish I had more money.

You're ruining my channel called The Walkman. Can I express myself? Yeah. There. That's it. You just want to go... That's what I think.

Don't touch me. You haven't given them enough... Don't you fucking touch me. Don't you dare invade my space. You're on The Walkman's channel now. You haven't given them enough information. I am The Walkman. And I am walking today along the Celadine Road.

It's the route. Alone. The word is route. You're putting me off. You mouth idiot. Go go home i'm not i need to have a wee wee you're gonna film me that and try and milk my weave for content yeah i will i will indeed look look oh mate why is this a magic moment This is a magic moment. It's not. It's a shit. You've made this shit. Look, tell them what's happening.

You're the shitification of Cheap Show, aren't you? You're the shitification of it. I haven't got time for this. Stand still. Which way do we go now? Through the woods or along this path, along this school? It must be up there. Because right now...

This has been an amazing little stretch of the Selandine route, man. We've come by... We've not done anything yet. No, but it's been great, hasn't it? We've crossed a bridge. little stretch of the Selandine route we've come by but it's been great hasn't it we've crossed the bridge, we've crossed the Selandine and there's all these little paths going off I want to go down that way so much but I don't think we can we'd have to come back because there's a whole wood here but it's basically not

because we're at the outskirts of London this is just here it's not like park it's random scrubland and woods and stuff we're at the outskirts of London. This is just here. This is just random land. It's not like park, like, you know, it's random scrub land and woods and stuff. Well, welcome to another episode of The Walkman.

I have decided Eli has now joined the show as a new contributor. Thanks, Paul. Now... Because, you know... When are we going to do our first Price of Shite bit?

We're basically going all the way on an outskirt of a school there. So I'm thinking maybe when we get past the school is where I go for my wee-wee, because we don't want any misunderstandings. No, we don't want any fucking gross misunderstandings. So look, I reckon we get under the motorway, because we have to go underneath this now, don't we?

And then we can find another little park and sit down and set up the Price of Shite, all right? This is some lovely ancient woodland round here. You can see that these are really old trees. There's massive ones. Yeah. Mmm. And nettles.

John Nettles. Old abandoned pallets. There's all sorts of atmospherics. Yes there are. Right, so let's just quit this now and then we'll come back to you when we've found the base of operations to begin our modular Price of Shite journey. Yes, yes, yes. I am a walkman. We are the walkmen. A toot toot in our boot boots.

No. No, I didn't like that. I didn't like that. I didn't like that. A toot toot in our... Jesus, you are... We're going to have a problem today, Paul. Yeah, I'm having a problem. The problem is... The problem is I'm with a co-host who's just, like, giving me nothing. I'm not giving you nothing. Look, if you're climbing up a bridge made of nothing and there's nothing below you, how are you meant to produce anything?

All you can do is fall. I don't need to worry. I can't fall because there's nothing below me. Exactly. So I'm not anything. Neither am I. This is nothing. Fucking Eli, turn that camera off! Don't want you to film me peeing.

Well I'm going to fucking record him peeing. Where's he gone? I'll find him. I'll find him. Here he is. What's all this then? What's all this then? You arsehole! I can see your willy!

What's all this? I'm going to make it go up. I think he wet his pants. Did you dribble in your kex? Did you pinch off too early and seep? I haven't finished properly and it hurts. Go on then, finish it. I haven't finished properly because you're abusive

and it hurts. Go on, finish off then. No, I know, it's the moment, it's past. You've hurt my penis. You've probably fucking hurt my whole urethric fucking system. Urinary tract infection. If I get one today. Yeah. Right, we're on our way. Oh, by the way, patrons will be seeing a video diary version of this episode that we're filming alongside this recording. Go and join it if you want to see. Patreon.com forward slash cheap show. I'll get a picture of his wee. I'll get a picture of him wee. Don't you worry about that. Don't you worry.

That's what you want. Slash fic. Oh, look at this big field. We can sit down here if you want and do the first bit. Yes. Let's do you want. Fucking arsehole. Slash fic. Oh, look at this big field. We can sit down here if you want and do the first bit. Yes. Let's do that then. All right, cool. There's no people playing rugby or anything. No, there's nothing.

There's a castle on the other side. Right, let's take a seat on the grass here and start our first challenge. Here we are at a lovely large playing field somewhere along the Serlandine Walk. We thought we were starting again from number 17. Yes. Because of a technical error, an administrative error, let's say, that we don't need to go into or lay any kind of blame for,

we are actually at more like number 14. We've said this already. I thought we were at stage 18. In fact, we were like number 14. We've said this already. I thought we were at stage 18. In fact, we're at stage 14. But... Three stages missing and extra 45 minutes tops added to our walk. But are we both as determined as ever to finish the Serlandine route today? Yes, we will finish this by hook or by crook.

So what shall we promise each other, like blood brothers? finish this by hook or by crook. So what shall we promise each other, like blood brothers? Shall we promise each other that we will both set eyes upon the Grand Union later...

I've lost him, everyone. I've lost him. Now, we're on a lovely playing field and you know what this reminds me of, this playing field, Paul? Of when we did that walk up in Finchley and it opened up then, didn't it? In a similar way. By Coppitz Wood or whatever. Now, I'll tell you...

God, you tedious man. You know what's something that occurred to me? This is my last tedious bit, OK, Paul? Go on. You know I love walks. There's two men playing cricket. They're practising cricket, I'd say. Toss and bat.

What I love about walks, especially through these weird outskirts of London places, is like someone who climbs a mountain or something, it is something that not many people do. So in a way, it defines an aspect of your identity in an organic way, not like buying a hat or something. Because not many people do it. But unlike climbing a mountain,

it is quite banal and sort of mundane in itself, but unique. It's exercise and you get to see a little bit of London that you wouldn't if you stayed at home doing fucking nothing. Playing with your video games and looking at your iPads with your videos and YouTubes and episodes of Succession.

Oh, what will the family do now that the patriarch is dead? I do not care. You don't, not into Succession? No. Right, what will the family do now that the patriarch is dead? I do not care. You're not into succession? No. Right, anyway, hello, cheap show lads. This is what we're doing now.

This is our cheap show stuff. This is the part of the show where we do cheap show. This is the Price of Shite modular edition. Nice. We had one on the original half of this walk as well, didn't we?

Yes, but this has been curated by a chap called Ash. Thank you, Ash. Hi, Cheap Show lads. The tat is starting to pile up, so here is your next instalment. I think he's sent stuff in the past. He probably has. I can't remember. Paul, do you have something to write down our guesses and stuff? Yes. I've got something as well. Would that be helpful if I did that? If you want.

It's more important you talk towards the mic. Okay. Poor... It's not a righty pod, is it, where we hear you scribbling? Scribble pod with Eli Silverman. I scribble, scribble, scribble. Where are my thoughts, mother? Where are my thoughts, mother?

No, I said, where are my thoughts, mother? Where are my thoughts, mother? I'm a special boy. are my thoughts, Mother? Where are my thoughts, Mother? Where are my thoughts, Mother? I'm a special boy. Daddy took me to special school, Mother. And Daddy taught me... Stop! I didn't learn to read until I was 22. And I picked it up like that, Mother.

Fuck off. Right, the tat is starting to... We need booze. We need to find some booze, man. I'm angry, man. You've made me angry. Listen... We need some booze to make you nice.

Hello, Ash. Seven items from Nottingham priced between six and eight pounds. I'm presuming the window of price here is six to eight pounds. Oh, that's a funny window. It's got a top end and a bottom end. So somewhere above six and below eight.

Yeah. That's a better way of doing it, isn't it? It's a window. We do a ceiling. This is a window. I like a window. Let's keep the windows. We always do ceilings, usually. A window is better, isn't it? A window's better. You can look out a window. It's a window. We do a ceiling. This is a window. I like a window. Let's keep to windows. We always do ceilings, usually. Yeah. A window is better, isn't it? A window's better. You can look out a window.

You can. Or see in. You can look at a beautiful meadow. Or you can see into an old man's house. Anyway, there was... An old man's house. There was better banter from losing this note in the last package, so feel free to lose it again and call me names.

No. No, Ash. We didn't lose it. But he did put pins on the front of this. Five pins. So these pins aren't part of the price of shite? This is just for us. Ooh. Ooh. I'm having that names. No, Ash. But he did put pins on the front of this. Five pins. So these pins aren't part of the price of sight? No, this is just for us. I'm having that one. There's five.

You're having which one? I think it's the Olympics mascot. You want that one? Yeah. That's a nice little pin. That's a lovely pin. I'm having that one. And I want... The detailing and the line work on it, although quite complicated, are really good on that, aren't they? Yeah.

Do you see what I'm getting at? Oh, it's a helicopter, Eli. Oh, they're not going to give us shit, are they? No, it's Annika Rice. It's very close and it looks military. They're going to give us shit. No, there's an airbase nearby, isn't there? There's an RAF place somewhere.

You'd hope so. Yeah. Oh, there's a pigeon. Shut up. I'm having these two. You can have those three. Oh, you've got the bear and an aeroplane as well. Futura. Yeah, I'm having that one. It was sent to me. I get first dibs. You do get those three. Oh, you've got the bear in an aeroplane as well. Futura.

Yeah, I'm having that one. It was sent to me. I get first dibs. You do get first dibs. You get the cyclist, the cathedral, and the NSPCC badge. I don't want the NSPCC. Why? It's just not my type of thing. I'll have it then.

Yeah, okay? Yeah. But I will take... Well, not right now. Nice Mr Abbey. Yeah. Nice again. It's the old school one where...

Soft enamel, they call this. Do they really? Yeah. With the gold. Yeah. Nice again, it's the old school one. Soft enamel they call this. Do they really, with the gold? Yeah. And it's sometimes hard, but it's very detailed. I just want to get on to this. It's very detailed, that one. Can I get on to it? It's quite a nice plain cycling one.

I reckon that was like a badge you got for cycling. Yes. Like an award or a medal badge. But that is like enamel under some clear plastic. Yeah, I don't like those ones that much. That style. Yeah. I wonder what that's known as. A badge. No, but it's an enamel badge, clear plastic. Yeah, I don't like those ones that much. That style? Yeah. I wonder what that's known as.

A badge. No, but it's an enamel badge, but it's under... Round badge. Round badge. So you're just going to tear it off? Why not? Yeah, tear it. Just be quick.

And anyway, the answers are in this envelope. Look, it's sealed. Thanks for those badges. It's a little bit there, but I've not tampered with it. It's sealed. I've not seen it, so we're both playing this today. But we're just going to do one item now. We're going to do one item now, and we're going to get it out of the way,

because I think this might come in handy for later in the show. So let's do it now. Item number one, Mr Silverman, is this. Radio binoculars. Why? It's binoculars with built-in FM radio. Eight times magnification, two-millimetre objective lens, lightweight, convenient, easy-grip rubberised finish. It's funny. FM AM, I haven't actually tested this.

It's pure bloke gadget isn't it, because it's for sport obviously. It's if you can't get into the sport but you're on your mate's roof. Tasco play by play radio binocular. It's all sport branded as well. Oh so you go to a football match, maybe, and you listen to the match while you go... So you can enjoy the match. Better than telly, isn't it?

Is this upside down or the eyes? Oh, the eyes are all odd. What era do we think this is from? The 90s? 90s. It's sticky. Oh, no, that's the rubberised plastic coming apart. It's like a Nokia phone with the rubberised bits.

So dial, FM, AM, volume. Is it... Does it work? I mean, it's got headphones. coming apart like a Nokia phone with the rubberized so dial FM AM volume is it does it work I mean it's got headphones and I we don't have any headphones so I don't know how it's only head fun oh look the batteries have been left in and they've yeah it's like to seep acid be careful because you can yeah well but look it's got a little dial on the side there so you can choose a nice thing but you'd have to repair it yeah give it a clean out look, it's got a little dial on the side there, so you can tune it. It's a nice thing, but you'd have to repair it, wouldn't you now? Yeah, give it a clean out.

Let's have a look. Is there a focus on it? Yeah, the focus. Have you ever used binoculars before? Well, no, because I have one eye that doesn't really work. Oh, yes. Well, make sure you put... It's more like a telescope for me. Can you see anything out of that?

Yeah. It's all a bit mucky. It's the rubberised plastic that makes it feel like it's got spots all over it. Let's have a little look. Oh, yeah. There you go. I mean, it's quite cloudy, isn't it? It is.

These are not in good shape. No. When did you get them in Nottingham? Nottingham. And it comes in a little pouch. It's a shame, though, because they're quite appealing. Yeah. Field of view.

350 feet by 1,000 yards. I don't know what that means. Centre focusing, fully coated Rubicon coated, optical coating, I don't know what that is, prism roof type, I don't know.

Look, it's a sort of a... That's the... A coating on the outside lenses, which is sort of... I don't know what that does. Probably like a sunglasses thing. It blocks some of the UV. All right, well, there's the first item then.

The play-by-play radio binoculars. Oh, there's a plane! I'm gonna have a look at it. You think that's going? There's an airport nearby, must be. That's like a prop plane, a little prop plane. I can't see shit with these. No. And they're full of... It's all flary shit. They've got all nasty acid and the whole rubber is deteriorating. I feel like if I hold it to my eyes for too long, it'll stick to my eyes. Yeah, don't.

Don't look through them. Right, anyway, how much do you think? Well... I'll let you go first this time. Now, Ash said there is a six foot... How many items in total? Seven. Seven items?

Seven items in total. Okay, okay. Now, I don't know what the sticker said on these like as seen probably because those would need quite a bit of work to get going wouldn't they yeah so what do you think you don't you don't know if the head jack no the headphone jack works no we know that the the batteries have leaked quite badly and corroded the whole compartment so you might have to like attach some kind of external power supply or something how much how much do you think it is considering am i going first you go first right i'm gonna say this is 150

150 for them so you guess first yes that's what happens when i say the price before you god stupid wank do you want some coffee I don't think you should have any coffee. I think we need to buy some Desperados for you. It looks like a village over there. There might be a place where we can go and dine. We're not from London. It looks like a village over there. Now, Paul, are you up for Desperado action?

Yes. I am a man of action. Desperado, they call me. I walk into the room, guns a-blazing, and then, oh, the ladies, they love me. I walk into the room, guns are blazing and then, oh, the ladies, they love me. Oh, come here, my hero. As the baddies lie dead on the ground.

I am the Desperado Walkman. You haven't had enough sleep. Desperado. Hoo-ha. Hoo-ha. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Hoo-ha. Hoo-ha. Hoo-ha. Hoo-ha. Let's have an update on where we are in the route. We've hardly gone anywhere yet.

I think we're still at 15. Have a look at the map. See if we're on to the proper end. These segments are too long. I'm telling you now. Right, this is where we are, 16. We've gone from 14, 15 past the park, under the road, and now we're here. No, we're about here. So that means we've got to go along there. That's the from 14, 15 past the park, under the road and now we're here. No, we're about here.

That's the school we just walked past. Finers School. We're heading to 16 which will take us along the Pin River towards Hillingdon House Farm. And hopefully we'll find a shop where we can pick up some booze supplies and improve your mood. Things are going to get nasty. Things are going to get nasty. Things are going to get

super nasty. How about that to get nasty? Things are going to get super nasty. How about that? All right, come on. It's been good. Admit it, it's been good already. Yeah. It's very liminal, people. Sorry to bring it up.

Sorry, Willie. It's very suburban. There's your pin badge. Oh, yeah. That's it. I'm bored of this segment now. See you in a bit as we continue our walk of the Saladine Route Part 2, Baller Chalk Part 2, Part 2, The Walkmen.

I'm saying. Addendum. Eli didn't give his price. What's your price? Quick. Look, Paul. Quick. I need to just check one thing because people need to know.

Very, I think you should be, it was very remiss of you to... You have ten seconds to give your score or I'll beat you with this microphone. Are we playing traditional rules, as Ash say? So we get two betwings on the nose

and if 25p either way, you get one betwing. Yes. I just wanted to make that clear to everyone before I have my guess, which people care about. Shut up, you're too loud. £1.25 is my guess.

£1.25. I'm trying the one betwing either way rule. I'm trying the one-between-either-way rule. I'm trying to ride that rule to glory today against you. Because you've pissed me off. You're leaving me out. You're not listening. That's why you're bored, because you're not listening to me. I've got things to say along this Selandine route.

Thank you. Goodbye. Thank you. You can turn it off now. Update over. thank you goodbye thank you we can turn it off now update over so look you know what I like in sequels when they repeat themselves

and do things they did in the last one and we're going to do that now because look we're in another big field with sports, well, football goals set up. And we were there last time when we chose an item for the price of shite to play.

So let's very quickly now bash out another price of shite item. Another shite item? Yeah, and we'll do it on another playing football field, abandoned field. Well, I think, Paul, I mean, you've just sprung this on me and i i think we've almost been lost i think we should be honest with everyone we completely did a little detour we didn't know where we were we went left when we should have gone right we went right when we should have gone left and i think we've just taken like we've added another half an hour to our

journey yes we saw a mound it may have been an embankment remnant yeah um but we're just about paul to rejoin the pin yes and i think what we need to put we need to take this price of shite yeah sequel idea you've had and bin it put a pin in it and then we go to the pin the pin put a pin in the pin okay so you're gonna subvert a sequel trope i just think i honestly think we need to make time a bit because we have we've had at least like you say come baby come baby baby come come come to the pin we will walk a little more my pagoda no that's that's that's old now you don't want to do that now we still haven't spotted any genuine celandine flowers oh look at this here we go what do you reckon it is it's white cheap wine gallo what is that gallo family empty

bottles we should say we We've come across... Raspberry... Let's call this the Midden Heap of the... Don't get distracted. There was a staring at two empty bottles of Gallo, Family, Vineyard, Spritz, Raspberry and Lime bottles. Midden Heap of the Suburban Youth. What's the alcohol on that? 5.5. That's nothing. That's fizzy piss.

This is, but it'd be alright, isn't it, if you lived out here and you were a teenager? You could have a lot of places just to come and drink

two bottles of Jallo raspberry flavour. Hey, let's go to the local sports field and drink some Jallo spritz with my chums.

Now, the other issue we have, Paul, is I am thirsty. Thirsty for water. I keep saying this, every time I turn something on to record, the first thing you fucking, Paul, is I am thirsty. Thirsty for water. You keep saying this. Every time I turn something on to record,

the first thing you fucking say is, I've got a little dry mouth with me... We need to find some shops. All right, we'll do it. Because you, again, need desperado injection. His name is a secret. Whose? Desperado injection? The desperado man. I am the desperado manado ingestion? The Desperado man.

I am the Desperado man. Gan, gan, the Desperado man. Stop, stop. I am the walkman. I am the man who walks. And we walk very much in a familiar landscape here on Ball of Chalk 2, the Becoming.

Are you scared of the man, the man who walks up to your door? I am the man that walks. That's me. I'm walking bad. That's what I'm doing. Better call Paul. It's what we're doing today.

Shut up. Oh, Red Bull. Where's the pin? Right, we've reached the pin. Oh, look, we have joined the walk again because there's the sign for it. Thank you. Well done. And look, there's a little image.

Is this the walk? Yeah. That's not. This is Hillingdon. That's a Hillingdon sign. It's like a nature walk sign. We're still at the pin. Yeah, but where's the...

The pin's just on the other side. Well, this is it. This is it. This is it. This is the pin. We're on the bridge of it right now. This has to be it. Yes.

Have you got to check your map? This is the closest we've been today yet to the actual river itself. How is this a worse shit show than the first one we did? How? Well, at least we haven't got soaked hems on our trousers. True. The weather is much more clement today. It's all right.

And look, spoff plants. Yeah. All blowing in the breeze. All the spoffy, spoffy plants coming off the boffs-boffs. So... Looks lovely and clear, the water. Shall we check? I'm going to check me, Matt, mate.

This is cray-cray. We're on the pin. We're standing above the pin right now. This shouldn't be this hard. I don't know what we're having. Is it either to the left or the right? I think it's to the right. I think we go down there.

There's paths to the left of us. Paths to the right. Here I am. Here I am. Stuck on a bridge with you. Look, here we are. Look, see. We're originally right on it.

So we keep going. So, yeah, we head that way and we're going south. Sort it. Right, let's just crack on. I knew it. Let's just crack on. Look, there's an old cattle grid here. Cattle grid.

They don't want horses going over the pin. No, no. Here comes the bride. Oh, this is great, though. You know what, as well, I haven't got that anxiety I had on the first walk about it becoming dark. A lot of that walk was in semi-darkness. Yeah, I had a semi in the dark as well.

No, I had soaked hems on my trousers. Stop going on, please, please. Oh, infrastructure. Oh, look at this. It's a train, it's a train track. Is it a train track going underneath? Is it a river going through? Oh, look at this.

This is excellent. Oh, look at that. Oh oh a hidden gem on the pin mate that's an old rail bridge i want a picture of me against it you gotta take a picture lovely isn't it you take a pic you take one then and then you take one of me now looking like this oh yeah i'm recording is that a nice shot might look sexy it is you'd be surprised what is and isn't sexy look at that old that must be a victorian train goes over that's the train that goes from like under a railway i think this train goes from like hillingdon to somewhere other like i think maybe oxbridge what a lovely little uh bridge it's a lovely bridge bridge yeah i was gonna say culvert

but that's not right is it look at the building the building of it, the detailing on the brickwork. Who's that for? I guess it's for people who walk by. Do you know, they've been... Well, look, they've obviously scooped the big path through it. Do you know what I mean? For a functional bridge that was meant to support the rail. Well, there's another one here, that's why.

Look, see, there's this one here. This is great. This is great. This is later, I think. Yeah. Because it doesn't have the arch, the vaulted arch. This is the kind of shit I need to film with my 360. Oh, come on, mate.

I'm just going to film this then. Remember, if you'd like to see this little adventure, you can do it on Patreon. Look at that. I love that. That really is something special. Yeah, all right, let's carry our walk then. We still haven't really caught up with ourselves, alright, let's carry our walk then. We still

haven't really caught up with ourselves really, so we're going to have to make a two-step. We're going to have to intersect with rail infrastructure. Yeah, I agree. I love it, man. Look at this brickwork here. Look, it's another kissing tunnel. No. That's a sign that says SIN, which suggests we should SIN. says sin it's not an n that's two letters at the end s i double n sin that was sin definitely an x we can agree on that yeah let's say this is tunnel u22 in case something hits it and here we go we're back on the path now i think we're on sure footing from this point on baby all right good the xcelantine route we're back we're back all right well then let them take some pretty pictures.

Again, which you can see on our website, there'll be a page that goes along with this episode, and that'll be on thecheapshow.co.uk. Right, let's carry on walking. Silverman, get your pen and pencil out, sir. It is time to do another bespoke Price of Shite modular P.O. Box edition. One question, Paul. If I just get my pen and pencil out, what am I going to write down? You will write on the pen with the pencil.

All right? You'll take the pencil. Your mouth garbage. Your metaphor meld today. I'll give you mouth garbage in a minute I'll garbage up in your mouth oh I've garbage

now Paul I think we should update them before we oh yeah let's have a little update of where we were because we've done a bit of a walk since we last

wow have we we went uphill and downhill and through some estate areas and residential areas I'll tell them where go on your memory is shot to shit who are you we went up a place called estate areas and residential areas. I'll tell them where. Go on.

Your memory is shot to shit, Who are you? We went up a place called Honey Hill, didn't we? Honey Hill. No, we found a beautiful meadow. Honey Hill.

I think the last time that we spoke to them, we were sort of lost. We did get off the track somewhere, didn't we? No, we were... We got off the route somewhere. That railway bridge

that we crossed under, that's the last bit we did. That was lovely. That was a real highlight for me. We found an ice cream van and got refreshments. We also found an ice cream van. But it's been a sweetie-themed little segment of the walk, hasn't it? Because we came off on Sweetcroft Road,

and some men from Hillingdon Council... What, mate? They were checking us. What, mate? Because it was quite a little cul-de-sac sort of road. So, it doesn't mean they get to fucking judge who uses that space. They were just not judging. Fucking lampers.

They were just looking to see if we weren't doing any jobs. They were being overly friendly in a slightly threatening manner. Yes. It is very different from London here, but we've been through a lot of estates, quite ballardian modern empty looking yeah uh cold looking estates and we're in this park and what is it down digging park now and we were looking for a bench because we need to catch up on the price of site which we'll get to i have my

pen and my my pencil out um uh we'll get to that ball but i just want to mention there's no fucking proper benches here and there's loads of fucking gym equipment. Yeah. They're trying to nudge us. Don't sit down, fatty. Get swinging, is what they're saying. And it's all weird to know what is public and what is private around here. It's not so delineated as it has to be in central London. Do you see what I mean? Hey, no. The best bit was that we saw a bus called the Bono Bus.

Well, it's not called the Bono Bus. We called it that because the number was U2. It's a U2 bus. We've seen the U2 bus. It's like Bono's bus. We called it that because the number was U2. It's a U2 bus. We've seen the U2 bus. It's like Bono's bus. He sits there going, I don't like Americans who haven't been home to Ireland claiming they're Irish. Like House of Pain. On Bono's bus, Paul, you know, he has a whole special seating area. Just for his hat. For his hat!

You saw where I was going with that. Come on, more, more. Save the world but also save a seat for me hat on your jumbo jet. A diddly diddly. And the driver, he looked lost, the driver of that bus. He still hadn't found what he was looking for. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Joshua Tree. No, no, no, no, no. Right. Now, we have Ashley's Price of Shite to play along. Josh off you on a tree. Josh off tree. The Josh off tree. I'm hoping you're enjoying this, everyone,

because Paul hasn't been on form. He's not enjoying his own stuff. It's time for the price of shite. You're not enjoying your own stuff. Two segments in one. I've got a Red Bull, and I was lucky. We haven't seen one proper shop.

The first thing we've seen is the ice cream. Ice cream man. Van. It was a lady. Ice cream lady. She wasn't very attentive to my needs. No. She was on her phone.

Yeah, because she's probably not expecting anyone. Anyway. Probably quite a slow day for her. No, there seems to be quite a few people. Mate, can we get on with the cake? We haven't seen the shop, and I thought we were going to be stuck with nothing to eat or consume apart from my coffee, strong coffee,

and some quite potent marijuana. Is that the word? Price of shite, part two. Cannabis. Two items now. Herbal cannabis, guys. So there'll be two down and one... Hang on, how many more?

Get me out an item and it's my turn to guess first. Oh, yeah, there's another one. It's my turn to guess first. We're going to do two items in this city. Item number one is this, Mr Silverman, and I'll just say it is series one of crap trumps. Crap trumps crap trumps right

some kind of top trumps knock off comedy yeah top trumps a game where you have cards with items or people on

with stats you pick a card you challenge someone with the simplest deck of cards to see if you can out rag them on their stats

and then whoever gets the highest stat on that chosen card Paul explains one of the most universally known games and managed to fuck it up

52 the worst cars the stat compare game this is cars apparently crap cars oh fuck crap trumps

cramp cars 52 the worst cards cars embedded cards say after me cards

stop trying to speak too fast cards cars cars they're cars everyone two games in pack more than just a game.

Collect as you go and defraud your friends of theirs. There'll be things like Skodas or, you know, Morris Miners. Famously crap vehicles. Right, what have we got here just on the top? Skoda FTO pancake. No, but what they've done is... The first one you saw was a Skoda. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but what they've done is... The first one you saw was a skoda. No, but... Do you know what you can do with this game, which is better?

Stick it up your ass. No, play wraps. Stick it right up your ass. Play wraps. You ever play wraps of cards? No, don't try... Look, you bully. You watch me piss as well.

He's going to hit me. Do you want to do it? I do not want you to hit me with the cards. The idea is you've got to hold your fist out, and then they have to wrap the cards on your knuckles and get them to bleed. But if you move your hand out of the way at the last minute and you miss, then you swap. Let's play that instead.

Quid. Hang on, let me just read a few out, because these are all spoof. They're not like proper cards. Like this one says Yankee Pickup, and it's just an old shit car with some crap gags in it. No, that's an actual car. It's not called a Yankee Pickup. And it's like, look, see, that last one, the pancake,

was because it was being crushed by a bloody tank in the picture. It was a joke. Okay, there's a joke there, but that was a Skoda that's being crushed. What's this one? Skoda, favourite sport, but it's a sheet,

but it's just a wheelbarrow. Oh, God. It's all jokey shit. It's awful. They're sort of slightly xenophobic jokes about... The Austin Munter, as if it's an ugly yellow car. Let me just go through.

They're trying to be funny, is what you're saying. Yugo 40 extended limo. They're all fake. about... The Austin Munter, as if it's an ugly yellow car. Let me just go through. They're trying to be funny, is what you're saying. You go 40 extended limo. They're all fake. It's not even real cars. Stanley World War I minibus. Actually, that's quite cool, that one. That's quite cool, that one.

Actually, that's better than I thought. It's quite creative, isn't it? It's off-road. If you're into... That's not a bad item. No, it's awful. I don't like it. Why?

Because it's just boring, fucking cynical shit. it's awful. I don't like it. Why? Because it's just boring fucking cynical shit. Who's really going to play this? Ever. Who's ever really going to play this? Yeah, but the cards have some interest, don't they? Because they're funny. Right. I'm going to say 75p for that. Paul, your guess is 75p. What did you say? A pound on the nose.

Right, next item. We're doing item number three now. So we've had the radio binoculars. Yeah. Unfortunately, inoperable. Oh, here comes a bloody huge jet. What the fuck? Look how close that jet is.

I can see its tummy. There's an airfield near here, obviously. Yeah. And we're also near the Battle of Britain bunker, aren't we? And there's an REF airfield. That's what it is. Yeah. Where are we on the map in terms of space? We need to know, obviously. Yeah. And we're also near the Battle of Britain bunker, aren't we? And there's an REF airfield. That's what it is. Yeah. Where are we on the map in terms of, like, We need to know, mate. But we need to do this item. Just for the important people listening,

I'm just going to tell them. Oh, I've closed the fucking wing down. That was shit of me. I've closed it. You've closed it? I've closed it. Why do you have such an issue with this PDF, mate? I did it on purpose because I wasn't paying attention. Right. Okay, next item. Next item, it's my go-to guest, it's your go-to guest, first to guest.

It is a cassette, and on that cassette it's by Violida, which is a mop company. They certainly are. And it is a mop up a mystery, three mystery stories tape. Four great mystery stories that go beyond everyday cleaning. The V-Files. This is, again, the type of promotional item. It's a bit like that Crisp record we did. Yeah.

Whereas there's no point... It's just to promote the... It's got Roger Daltrey on it. It does it? Yeah. I haven't actually had a proper look. Peter Bowles, who's that? He was a sitcom actor in, I think, To the Man of Bourne he was in,

something like that. June Whitfield, she's also a sitcom actress, isn't she? Yeah, very famous sitcom actress. Roger Daltrey of The Who. We were discussing off mic today how I don't really rate The Who, or especially Daltrey. Compared to someone like Marriott from the... Or Freddie Mercury.

Small Faces. Well, he's a different era. I'm comparing type against type. Oh, I guess, yeah. All right, OK. Small Faces, Steve Marriott, is a better singer. All right, well, good to know. John Lennon.

Yeah. Bettsinger. What about Keith Richards? Keith Richards or... Not Keith Richards. Mick Jagger up against... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What do you... Yeah, Hear More Daltry. Would you prefer to listen to Hear More Daltry? I'd always listen to Jackie. He's more interesting to listen to, I think. Rock-a-bye, baby. On the treetop.op, a good game, my dear. A good game, good game. Now. Mick Brucey Forsythe. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we... Jack Forsythe. We have the... That's not... That's a Who song, you idiot. All right. Brucey Daltrey. Brucey Daltrey

has a ring to it. Right, so, cassette. Carter's First Case read by Roger Daltrey, Roberta Part 1 by

Peter Bowles, Roberta Part 2 read by Peter Bowles, Confession Time, June Whitfield and Perfect

Peace by Frances Delatorre. She was in Rising Damp as the Miss Jones,

Miss Jones, Leonard Roster, remember that Brucey Leonard Rossiter Brucey Jagger

Brucey Jagger all this stuff shall we give this a go we have the technology everybody because I brought a wired bluetooth speaker oh yeah we're going to have to be careful

it has an aux it has an aux I know but it's because it's resting on our mic stand right now. Bear with us. Right, plug it in. But I don't know how I changed to aux mode. If you plug it in, it should just do it naturally. A-U-X mode.

There you go. A-U-X mash, isn't it? Right, I'm just going to put it in. Are you ready? Side one. This might be the Roger Daltrey one. Ready to hear this. Turn it up.

Because I don't know if I have a volume. Oh, I do have a volume on this. All right, here we go. Hold it to the microphone. It's going to be loud, mate. Is that adultery? No. Yes, it is.

Is it? Yeah. Is it top of order? That's terrible. and didn't know where to begin. His partner, the widow Dorothy, had phoned to ask him to go post-haste to the home of a friend who was prepared... You're a bit young, aren't you, love? said Trish Potter. Well, I... Never mind.

Dotty says you know what you're on about. An old Percy, God rest his soul, wouldn't have taken you on if you didn't, would he, eh? Trish Potter hitched the pink housecoat together over her ample brown freckled bosom and continued... Whoa! Fucking what? Give me more, continue!

You don't mind if I call you Carter, do you? No, that's fine. I, uh... Stop recording this. I feel funny calling a young... Fanny, you said as well. ...you Mr Battersby. Batters! Fanny Battersby!

You didn't say Fanny Battersby. Fanny Batterly. That sounds extremely dull. Anyway. Oh, we've lost it. Turn it off. It will affect the microphone. What the fuck's happening with that? Because I pulled the wire out.

Just turn it off. Just turn it off with the power button. Power off? It's not a very good thing, is it, that you've got? It's only seven quid. Anyway, I'm going to say... Did the job, though, didn't it? I'm going to say two quid for that.

Oh, no, I'm getting confused. No, the cassette. I was trying to... I'm not rating the speakers. The cassette... Oh, here we go. There's another jet coming in. Cos I'm leaving on a jet plane.

What's your guess for the cassette, Paul? The terrible... It's in perfect nick cos no-one's ever listened to it. Telstar Talking Books is the label. And who's... Does it say what the stories are?

Who wrote them or anything like that? Charles Caldwell, Ian Stewart, Stella Whitelaw. Okay. So they're probably existing crime shorts?

Yeah. Probably taken from like a Reader's Digest type thing. Yeah. So the... I would have liked it if they were somehow

crime stories involving... involving... What's itest type thing. Yeah. So I would have liked it if they were somehow crime stories involving involving what's it called? Vivaldi. Vivaldi. Valida. Valida. Valida Bonnet.

Valida. Like he did it with a mop. Well that's why I was saying mop up a mystery innit. I know but you know they didn't the rest of it was just knocked off wasn't it?

Yeah. Anyway look I reckon that was 50p. OK, good guess. 50p for the cassette for me. Good guess. Crime.

Sex. Crime. I'm going to call it the Crime Mop Cassette. Mop Crime. Mop Crime. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. 19, Valida Super Mop. What was the Valida ad?

Was it like, I've bled out on the floor, love? No, no one ever did that. What have you saved for the price? I've got this pustulating board and it's bled out. How much for the price, please? Because you're tedious. I don't know. What did you say?

50p, and you said very good price, so you did listen. So what are you saying? I think 25p. Oh, 25p is just as good that has the element that has the possibility of being a spot-on thing you notice how the game is converging on every price being 25p to try and within the other guy's guess and that's a strategy we've developed because of the rule where you get one within 25 feet. Well, we're three down and four to go. So, shall we carry on? We'll have a little break now and then we'll carry on with the walk, yeah?

We need to, Paul, because we need to... You miss... Missed S and... Missed S and... Go on, do you want to have a go at that again, you prick? Misestimated how long we'd be walking today. We're at stop 18 right now. We're on 18.

And that's where we thought we'd be starting. So we have at least an hour and a half walk to get to the Grand Union. Stop! What? Are you having a good one today? I am, I'm enjoying this. I like going up Honey Hill. I like closure.

There was a comms tower up Honey Hill. Yeah, there was. That looked quite... Battle of Britain bunker, I said that. There's some beautiful stuff that was built around that time, the turn of the century, the end of the 1800s. I really just noticed that big white house. There's lots of stuff up here.

And there's obviously an RAF thing nearby, because we walked past some close that was named after a fighter pilot. A female fighter pilot. Yeah, Eddington, was it? Something like that? Beddington? No, that was Edna. Natasha Bedingfield. RAF Natasha Bedingfield. Whatever-A-F Natasha Beddingfield.

Whatever happened to her, eh? Who gives a fuck? Both of those Beddingfields. Didn't one of them have a car crash? The man had a car crash. He didn't get through that, can you? Did he die? No, what do you mean,

did he get, couldn't get through that? He couldn't get through that. He did get through the windscreen. Mate, I hope, oh God, imagine if you were the doctor. Oh, how's Daniel Beddingfield doing? He didn't get through it. No, he's got to get through this. Yeah, yeah. He's got to get through the windscreen. I hope... Imagine if you were the doctor. Oh, how's Daniel Bedingfield doing? He didn't get through it. No, he's got to get through this.

He's got to get through this. Well, I need to double-check what happened to Daniel Bedingfield before I edit this. He didn't get through it. Daniel Beding... No, he did. He did get through it.

Bedingfield. Oh, he's New Zealand English. He was a judge on X Factor in New Zealand in 2013. What happened to him? He nearly died in a serious car accident

which left him with severe head and neck injuries because of a car rolling on him. That's awful. He's probably all right now though right?

Hopefully he's all right now. Let's hope so. No we're both glad he did get through it i mean there's an article here about only last year he seems happy he seems happy he's got money hasn't he probably he's probably all right there's a breakdown what is he doing now he had a 10 track ep a few years ago american idol

oh we're quite close to the ground here, listener, so I think some of the pollen has gone up your hooter there, Paul. Apparently there was tensions backstage when he did the live-action War of the Worlds. Oh, he did? He played the artilleryman. Talking of

War of the Worlds, Paul, can I just tell you one thing? Go on, there's always one thing with you, like fucking Columbo. I picked up a seven inch by Jeff Lynn. Is this it? By the way, is this the whole of Cheap Show?

Cheap Show is basically you, Columbo, and I'm the murderer and you're going to spend the next fucking whatever hundred episodes breaking me until I give in

and confess to something. The Big Match, it was called. It was like a theme from the Big Match. Have you heard of that one? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Anyway, it was really good.

It was a really crackly record. But the B-side was another theme. Theme from Rendezvous. What's this got to do with War of the Worlds and Daniel Bedingfield? Jeff Lynn wrote it. Good. All right, good. I'm just saying people will be interested.

Well, they won't be. I also bought Paddy Kingsland 7. I don't care. Right, anyway, we're going to take a little break now and move on because you fucking sapped the energy. You put your big fucking metaphorical syringe into the podcast and you absorbed the pace of it with your little sides about your record collection.

We need booze. We need to find a pub. You need to cheer up. At least Ronnie Corbett's tangents were funny. At least they were built around his tangents being funny. Yours are just not. Yours are just, I'm going to tell everyone how interesting I am

by what rare record I found that. No one gives a fuck about whack-a-whack. They do give a fuck. No, I don't. And I'm your mate. And I don't give a fuck. Because you have a problem. You have social anxiety.

You can't relate. You can't relate to people. That's the problem. You're just a big baby. That's your problem. I'm not. I'm a man child. You're a big baby.

I've had cum bubbles with thicker skin than you. But a cum bubble is all skin. Yeah, but it's... Well, how could it... There's no comparison. Yeah, but I'm just saying... It's not a skin. is all skin yeah but it's well how can it there's no yeah but I'm just saying it's not a skin it's the thickest skin

that's not the skin it's not the skin but that's the point that's the whole bubble it's the thickest skin the whole bubble is cum the bubble is cum hum

the bubble is cum should we do another item quickly oh the bubble is cum no I want to have a smoke I want to have a smoke we're going to do that now the bubble is cum, the bubble has come. No, I want to have a smoke. I'm going to do that now. The bubble has come.

Oh, the bubble has come. Yeah, fucking Eli. Turn the camera off. I don't want you to take a picture of me weeing yeah well I'm gonna fucking keep up on him again. I've got you again I've recorded it yeah you pinch one off. Alright so we are just so you know we're heading towards step 18 now we've crossed through uh Dowling Park we've joined the Selandine route and we just followed it through a little lovely little pathway um crossed the river pinned once or twice to find our way back but now we're

heading on to Dawes Road, where we'll take a left and then we're back onto the high streets for a little while longer. Yes, we've had a lovely little stretch through meadows and along the river itself. It just keeps going. It's endless. It's an endless dream of pastures and sports fields and lonely goalposts and ballardian estates does this design suggest we

go this way yes all right let's follow the wood signs then we're doing what the wood signs say what the wood signs say what the wood signs say what they what would they say they'd say go left after the bridge and that's what we're doing so uh yeah still got how many price of shites to go one two three four I don't know how many did we do just then we did four so far still no sign of a shop

yeah I think we've done four Selandine route, Brunel University town centre, Hillingdon house, Selandine route so it is this way still so I guess we just keep walking down here Dawes Road sewage pumping station oh yeah nice oh so this is just a nice little well it's an estate this reminds you like where i grew up very 1930s very cheap looking estate this 30s you think yeah they made the states like this in the 30s that seems quite modern looking when you look at it

that way i would say it was about 50s or 60s no no no really look at the things over the door it's early modern i reckon older than you would think i think fair enough but mate this exactly like growing up on the wirral some of the estates around here some of the places that i used to live look just like this as well it's just so suburban isn't it it? Yeah. But it's funny, again, this walk, even from the beginning in part one, it weaves its way out, in and out. It's like one minute you're on this little country lane hidden away from everything

with a little river going by and nooks and crannies, and the next minute you're on an estate or the high road and then you're back in again. Yes, because the route is exactly on the, almost the exact sort of border between the outer suburbs and like the countryside isn't it it's like it's it's a battle between that sort of yeah that border it's like it's but there's a battle going on between mattresses right take a picture

of a mattress whereas i make an astute point about the battle between lond urban, suburban and countryside and how they're encroaching upon each other like an open scar. Something like that, anyway. Yeah, it kind of knits in between suburbs and then sort of it's becoming... It's a cross-stitch, isn't it? It's becoming not London here.

Cross-stitch. It's great. it's becoming it's a cross stitch isn't it it's becoming not London here cross stitch I do like how much of this there is just think of most of the world sort of like this oh yeah I mean as I say

one day I hope we get to do it one day but do the Wirral Walk from where I grew up the Wirral Walk is a coastline

I've said this before on the episode on an episode in the past but when are we going to do it because you don't want to see your family

that's not as true it's more like it's hard for us to get out of London full stop isn't it with my schedule and yours because you DJ

at the weekends and I work at the weekends okay let me put it this way then Paul I don't want to see your family well they don't want to see you anyway

oh they'd probably be horrified by the very fucking sight of you no they wouldn't all my family trying to swallow down retching as they get into close

what do I have a hello mum and dad here's me best friend Eli get him out of the house he stinks of dog

get him out come on we're on Dawes Road so we're according to the plan it's just very much like an estate we're going through

it says to walk it for a long while and then blah blah blah but hang on, I think we should take a break take a look at the map you can't get through there that's just property so alright let's regard the map

before we go it's the beginning of the end I think Paul well we're at 18 so there's the beginning of the end I think Paul. Is it? Well we're at 18 so there's only a few more stages to go. We're on to the fourth PDF file yes once we get through this bit. I think pretty soon we'll be looking at the old Grand Union.

What a grand moment that will be. Indeed. So let's make sure we're not too lost and we'll come back to you. Not lost at all. No I just want to make sure we're on the right track.'ll come back to you. We're not lost at all. No, I just want to make sure we're on the right track. Do you know what I mean? We're literally on the right track.

We're on this Lundin route. Go home. I can't go now. Go home. We're on this together. We're the Walkmen. We're the Walkmen. We are the Walkmen.

The Walkmen. We are the Walkmen. There's no way I could like... We have to do this together now. No, you could go home how could I get a bus fuck off

I'll get you an Uber right now you'll get me an Uber yeah that'll be at least 60 quid I reckon no only to the station fuck you go home and then you do the rest by yourself

yeah and it'll be the best podcast I've ever done no it wouldn't because it'll be pure uncut Ganon solo podcasts don't work for me.

Just as a concept. You don't have to listen to it and you won't be in it. But this episode will get a billion downloads because pure Gannon dribbles through your ears. That makes mouth noises. Clippity-cloppty mouth noises. Yeah, everyone loves that. Go home.

No, I'm not going home. If you don't want to be here, go home. I do want to be here. I just wish you weren't here, sort of. I guess that's your point. Well, then I'm going to go home. Bye, everyone. And Eli doesn't have recording things. What are you going to do? I keep doing it on my phone. Don't fucking tempt me.

Well, listen, we're coming up to a... Oh, look, there is a sign there that says Saladin Route. Yeah, it's been very well signposted, hasn't it? Certainly more obvious than I think our first part of the walk was. That's what I'm saying. It's clearer. Because we came a cropper like a couple of times early on in the first walk.

You know what? I do get the impression, actually, though, that maybe this walk would have been easier if we started at the end and ended at Pinner. No. You think? I don't know. I don't think we would have gotten as lost, would we, if we started at the end and went and ended at pinner no you think i don't know i don't think we would have gotten us lost would we if we went well it was i tell you it's because we were walking in semi-darkness i enjoyed that i like the dark walk it was fun you know what really saps a guy's energy to do a walk for his podcast as well having soaked hems paul having the trousers all right if you mention your wet jeans wait We can't go. We can't go out here.

Wait. There must be because the path. We have to twist round. This is. Oh, 17. Look. I mean, the route does say this way, so we have to curve the road round.

There it is. And there's way out. Yes, we prove it. Right, we'll see you a bit later on this walk where we'll find another place to stop and attempt a price of the shite of. See you in a minute. Oh, another bus. it's a big u2

no no it's kind of reassuring though isn't it when you see a london bus you think oh i'm not lost yeah all right fine all right see you in a bit everyone see you in a bit eli's having a wonderful time at the moment because he spotted a lovely piece of vernacular brutalism. Eli, would you like to just fill them in? Because we filmed it for the video, but I thought this would be something you would like to talk about with passion. Well, it's part of Brunel University. The sign said it's the Motorsport Centre.

Okay. But I think it probably was built for a different purpose. It doesn't seem to be a racetrack that's what that it's a bizarre thing what is it i mean what is a motorsport centre basically perhaps it's where they study things to do with motorsport engineering specialized but it's a it must be late 60s or early 70s lots of corduroy concrete on it. Brutalist water towers. There was some undercrofting around the side. We've basically taken this big long walk down a public footpath

past the university, off the main road, and we're coming out again now. We're finally on to the final part of the PDF. This is now the fourth segment stage. 18, 19, what is it we're on now? 18, 19. So we are 19, literally 19.

We've just hit 19. We didn't see much of the cemetery, but I did spot some gravestones. And remember, we saw a sort of isolated gravestone that was on sort of a sports field, but that was part of the university, that they obviously didn't, yeah. Weird.

So anyway, can we look at stage 19 now? Can you read that out and just check what we do next? Okay. It looks obvious on the map, but let's have a look. Number 19. Is that where we are? Yeah, we're literally there. Yeah, we're on that corner.

So. 19. We're nearly there then. Yeah, we've only got two more after this. 21. And then we will reach. I'm reaching Church Road. I'm reaching Church Road.

Turn left. Yeah. Walk along the pavement passing St. Lawrence Church. A cowleyley turn left into Peeled Heath Peeled Heath Peeled Heath Road um that's what happens when you uh you mow the heath it's peeled oh I was expecting much vulgar much more vulgar all right there's a little sign there saying Salandine Roots and that's what I think we say every time we do this every time we think we get lost the route the signage is fucking strong it feels opposite from the last time where we couldn't get a grip on the route

but this time we really have got a grip every time back onto main roads now oh that's a shame those have been the worst parts of the route don't you think when we've hit boring old normalcy well when we've hit these really loud fast busy roads basically so at least well yeah it must be because there's a sign this way so presuming it's just from the opposite angle so we should go along here it says what 500 feet or whatever it was let's have a look we need to find another place for another well made price off the shite of well let's see on the map if there's any open spaces. The next open space is going to be playing field. Peel teeth.

Well, let's go there and then we'll do another chunk, another segment of the podcast. Yes. Brainy life. Still no shop. We've seen no shop. No, not even a corner shop. Isn't that strange?

Yeah. I guess they stopped putting shops in well that's why if you lived here at this area where we are right now you could just pop to the shop you'd have to go to the local tesco stock up and then that's it wouldn't you yeah i guess i'm just a spoiled city boy and it just it amazes me you want to pop out for milk that'll be done in three minutes this is a get the house keys make sure everything's locked up, get in the car, drive a good 10, 15 minutes. So, mate, yeah. Crazy.

Crazy like Apex. There's a big Union Jack. A lot of military, because of the RAF field we passed, and there's a lot of monuments to servicemen and women, isn't there, around here? Yes. A lot of military stuff sort of going on. Which makes sense. Which does make sense.

Maybe they had that flag up for an event. It looks like an event building. Funnily enough, U2 was a military term, wasn't it, originally? Warships, U-boats, isn't it? No, they were spy planes. Oh. Yeah. Spy bomber planes.

U2s. So where are we walking along this long for? Along for... What are we doing? Forlorn along this... It's funny how when we're in those little pathways and woodland areas, I come to life. The minute I hit a main road, my body just goes,

oh, let's just get through this. Yes, that's what... I mean, that kind of sapping of energy. You're right. OK, I'll check again, but we basically head up here until we hit the peeled heath playing fields there'll probably be signs for it to um yeah price of shites when we get there yeah um i might have a coffee but bloody hell i could do with like some water yeah i could do with some more sustenance of some kind i've only had a sandwich this morning we're

gonna make it though paul we are we're gonna make it to make it. That's a sign that you're out in the outer suburbs. It's a sack of concrete that's been abandoned and now has set hard in the shape of the original sack. I'm not interested in that, mate. Fuck me. Give me something better than cement sack. Anything better than cement sack. It's like a white dog poo thing.

It's like a large stone white dog poo, Paul. And it's a very meaningful thing to me. Eli, five minutes ago. Bozen Kett. Close. That's that newsreader from the 50s. Did that disco track. Did he?

Remember he did that dog dance with me disco track. It's Bozen Kett close. Did he? Remember he did that dog dance with me disco track? Let's both get close. Both of them... But weren't the pythons obsessed with parodying him, weren't they? I'm just going to say it again. Five minutes ago I was on your side, all getting excited about what you were getting excited

about and now I've blocked you. Don't! Come on! I'm mentally ghosting you right now. No, I'm actually on the U2 route but we still haven't found what we're looking for. If you do that fucking gag again one more time. Oh, I think something's loose in my bag. I will stick it, mate. I think something's loose in my bag. It's got a bit of a

rattle and a hum. Come on. Thinking he's thinking. Mate, you are mate. Ach tongue, baby. Ach tongue, baby. Warning. What? Ach tongue, baby, what? You. I don't even know what that means. Actu- warning. What? Actung baby what?

You. You're on a warning. No more U2 gags. This is very villagey here now. You can kiss me, you can kill me, you can thrill me, Eli. But don't do any more U2 gags. OK. You know? Because I still haven't found what we're looking for. Gold post box. Wow.

I've never seen one of them. Crazy. What's that for? I don't know. Let's go across the. I've never seen one of them. Crazy. What's that for? I don't know. Let's go across the road and have a look. We may as well. Yeah. Here we go.

Right. This post box has been painted gold by Royal Mail to celebrate Natasha Baker, gold medal winner at the 2012 Paralympic Games. How funny.

Equestrian, individual, freestyle test, grade two. And there's a braille underneath it as well. There's a what? A braille.

I wonder why this particular one do you think maybe um perhaps you trained around here there might be some equestrian maybe stand next to it the equestrian statue yeah good it's quite villagey up here. It is. It's got the winding road. Very villagey. Very spooky village. We've hit a hide, peeled... Peeled heath. I wonder where that name comes from. Perhaps we should look that up before we... Maybe it's because they... Here's an idea.

Maybe they just mowed it, Eli. And it's peeled. Yeah. That was my joke. No, I don't remember you saying that. I remember saying it and it was good. Well, there's another little graveyard here. Oh, there's a house there called The Squirrels,

which is, you know, a choice. You popping down The Squirrels tonight? Oh, yeah, I just knew me and The Squirrels tonight oh yeah it's a house it's not a pub might be a house peachy line coming up we're not going down peachy like some honey from honey hill spread it spread it on your peach cheese and then get some sweet croft oh what was that you thought of hey we thought we've discovered an album everyone it's mike batts early electronica 70s industrial uh wimbledon common mascot album womblecroft womblecraft is this new album coming out we built that up too much yeah we did we shut on that one go down peachy lane what do we do here no the selenine route says to go that way see church road we have to cross over again though

The Saladine route says to go that way, see? It's Church Road. Every time I look... We have to cross over again though. It's uncanny. Yeah. Oh, we're going past the graveyard, Eli. Actually, they've signposted every decision point that comes up. As I say, we've had much more guidance this time round.

Again, proving my point that maybe it would have been easier to start at the Grand Union and end at Pinner, but who knows? I mean, I saw a U3 that was a single-decker and a u3 that's a double decker right i'm gonna add this to the list of things i'm here bored of hearing you talking about and especially the u2 u3 u4 new one bus routes through uxbridge if you mention them one more time i'll bury you in you this graveyard you will bury me in this graveyard you get caught as a murderer and finally our podcast will be successful because everyone will download it because it graveyard you will bury me in this graveyard you'll get caught as a murderer maybe i will and finally our podcast will be successful because everyone want to download it because it has a murderer in it you told jesus to shut up there you do that he's a man of god he is god you're

just looking at stuff in the environment and using that i am kaiser so saying the out of this right now you're right shall we cross and then you can start to go about Jesus. Oh, look, there's a picture of that one. That's new, isn't it, having a picture on? Your grave? No. It is. No, it's not. Isn't it?

I haven't seen one like that before. Well, you haven't been into a lot of graveyards, have you? Well, when you fucking cack it, I'm going to make sure there's a big picture of you. Stone pigeons. Oh, yeah, or doves. They're more likely doves, right? Who'd want to make sure you have a pigeon on my grave, please?

Pigeons and doves are the same. No, not really, though. Yes, they are. All right, well, then why did John Will not just use a bunch of fucking pigeons in his films? It's just two words for the same thing. It's like pig and pork. Yeah, but doves, aesthetically and, like, emotively have more meaning, don't they? Don't they, though?

It's a different word. Don't they? It's a different word, but not a different thing. Right, well, this has been ten minutes of absolute fucking nothing. So let's find the peeled heath, and then we'll get back to our price-o-de-shite-o. Price-o-de-shite-o al fresco. So we are close to the end now.

We've just passed stage 19. We're in this lovely little walkway, little route along the pin. We were just saying, Paul, that this Selandine route has all sorts of different environments, very varied environments and this is quite a unique one for today's walk. It's been very close in, it's very overgrown, it's quite a narrow path, it's been wider than this a lot of the way. Yeah. Certainly this length.

Oh, and there's a... Smell that cow's parsley. Mmm. Spunky trees. Yeah, spunky trees. And the trees have been spunking all over our faces the whole way. I've got all face, neck and chest, mate. That's me.

And you were saying that your hay fever kicks in when you get home. Yeah. Not when you're out. I'll have a miserable time tonight, yeah, when I get home and everything settles. That's very strange, isn't it? It's just the way it is sometimes. Didly diddly diddly so hopefully this opens out in a little bit and we'll get to a more price we need to do the last price of shite yeah so it's just there i don't think you can though i don't think you've got access to it no but i also don't think you've got access to it at all there's even a fence i can see

so that's where the river is just there yeah but what i'm saying is i don't know, but I also don't think you've got access to it at all. There's even a fence I can see. That's where the river is just there. Yeah, but what I'm saying is... You can't get over the river. No, I know, but I don't think you have access to the field anyway. Oh, I see. I think it's maybe private property or something. Well, it says playing fields. Does it? Yeah. Piled, piled, peeled heath playing fields.

I didn't see the playing fields. I didn't see that bit. Look, I've got the map here. I know you've got the map here. It looks to be opening out. It looks to be opening out a bit. It is, it's opening. The Saladine is spreading its legs and letting us into its bushy, bushy entrance. I've got nothing.

There's playing fields there because there's football. No, that's like a school sports field. Oh, same shit. This is, look, a little... It's opened up a bit. Shall we stop round here somewhere? Let's stop round here, set up and just do a little it's open up a bit should we stop around here let's stop around here set up and just do a little thing we can sit on the grass i think you'd never cross over do you oh look someone's grave rip elvis 10 6 2005 20 yeah i was gonna say it's a dog grave

isn't it how funny i've never seen one of those but it is just like two bedpost metal bedpipe posts tap together with a steel plate so this is a dead I don't want to do the price of shouting a dead dog's grave mate no let's not see it on this dead dog's grave but 16 years an old dog relatively yeah I don't think I've ever seen that before I've never seen that i'm surprised they got permission well maybe they didn't that's it's so far out like that that bag of concrete was just left there i swear to fucking god what you point out the most fucking redundant shit sometimes you really do like it that's the rhythm that's the rhythm of the night. The night, oh yeah.

This is the rhythm of the night. The night. Can you take a picture of Elvis's grave? Do you want to do that? I want to take a picture of Elvis's grave. The point I was going to make about Elvis... I don't want to know about Elvis. It's not pertinent to what we're doing right now, is it? Nothing's pertinent that comes out your mouth. Ever. It's just fucking baloney. Like a big tube of like puke baloney like that you go it comes out it's all beige baloney i'm just ghosting eli mentally i chop it up chop out your mouth baloney i just saw that grave move no you didn't i did i saw the ground disturbed zombie elvis dog's

gonna come get you oh mate it died just after Christmas. That would have sucked balls. This must have been a spot that he loved getting walkies. Yeah, it's a very good point. Elvis grave. Well, who would have thought we'd see Elvis' grave on this walk today? We don't know for sure that was a dog, but it must have been. There was nothing...

A, it's not the real Elvis. Oh, there's a bench here. Should we just just do it here let's just do it here right bear with us we're going to set up for the last price oh dish I told the last we've got to do all four no three items isn't it we've done four we'll do three no no we've got four to go we've done three check your book we've done three items mate we did the cassette and we did the oh hell are you losing the will yeah come on i'm loving this all right let's just set up all right let me set up Right, we've managed to find a bench. Here we are on the Celandine Route, and I just want to say, Paul... Yeah?

It's good being here on the Celandine Route with you and all of the listeners. I'm about to have some more coffee. We saw a concrete bag. Last time, and all of the listeners. I'm about to have some more coffee. We saw a concrete bag. Last time, my hems were soaked. I'm sorry. I'm going to fucking lamp you. Yeah, you can fucking lamp me. Come on, mate.

I've got a fucking herbal weed vape. We're going to load that. Young people listen. I will load that shit up. Young people listen to this podcast. It's only CBD. Is that what the get-out clause is for all of that stuff? All right, good to know.

So, look, straight into it. Next price of shout, we found the bench on a little pathway. Oh, look at that. It's piping still. It's still piping. Nice, eh? Good bottle. Oh, we've had this our whole time.

Yeah, and it's still warm, still hot, still nice. We need to do some catching up, Paul. That's what you're about to say. Catching up on the old price-o-de-shy-so. Yeah, so let's just get straight into it now. Two more prices. Price-o-de-shise-o. Yeah, so let's just get straight into it now. Price-o-de-shise-o al fresco. Where's my pen? I don't know.

I haven't touched it. Sorry. I'll talk about what this is. We've had similar ones to this in the past. We had a 1970s one, but this is a 1960s childhood nostalgia pack. It's like a fake time capsule, isn't it? Full of replicas of things you could have picked up. A little fake time capsule thing.

So, postcards. We've got airfix kit card. Oh, this is what's in the pack. So you get miscellaneous cards, a collection of gum card images from Thunderbirds, Land of the Giants, Man from Uncle, Monkeys, Doctor Who, Back to School, School Ephemera, including a

child's essay predicting life 20 years hence. See, it is like a time capsule thing, isn't it? An Edison's catalogue, bumper collection of novelties including blackface soap. Isn't Edison's that famous company? Yeah, they did the mail order gags. And like the black tongue soap. Yeah.

Shoe squirter, whistling teeth. Blackface soap, that's not a good thing. Whistling teeth, like Eli's whistling penis. It does whistle when you get it dry. Tricycle flyer, model cars leaflets, comics and annuals. So it's a leaflet talking about Roy the Rover's look and learn and Harold Hare. It's a pure little nostalgia pack. And then a hodgepodge of 1960s leaflets Including Action Man

And Lego and something else So let's have a very quick look at these I've got the Airfix Looks like a little Airfix leaflet thing Are these actual things? Or are they replicas? I like these monkey cards Bazooka Joe

Champions in Danger I'm going to take pictures of these when I get home Thunderball Bubblegum it's quite well done isn't it series of 72 exciting pictures from Thunderball

the least exciting James Bond film yeah but look that illustration of him with the gun and the rocket pad is very good isn't it it's funny how that's

the big selling point on the poster and it's out of the way in the first three minutes of the movie is it literally the worst of the Connerys yeah easily I mean oh no it's the dullest never say the poster and it's out of the way in the first three minutes of the movie. Is it literally the worst of the Connerys? Yeah, easily.

I mean, oh no, no. It's the dullest. Never say never again. Yeah, that's pretty fucking awful. Action Man, Leaflet. I want to get that magazine. This is what I want to get out. The genie.

Oh, look, a ticket. Hammersmith, another Beatles Christmas show. A fake ticket. Edison's. Let's open a page up at random. All the jokes joke beer

fool your friends everything you need from a perfect imitation glass of beer foam froth and coloured sheets can be adjusted inside a 10 ounce glass

isn't that so stupid so it's just a bit of paper you put into a glass cup to make it look like it's got beer in from a distance perpetual glass of lager good froth

nice colour that's one of those ones those fake ones you know that have a compartment and the walls are actually filled yes there's real liquid but no one can drink it as it is closed completely but boy does it look like do you remember those yeah yes bloody dagger imitation cigarette there's a great picture of a baby smoking it that's what i love about it the black hand a joke worthy of special, an imprint of a black hand that can be affixed to any inanimate object that sends the victim into momentary hysteria,

but the relief of when it is removed without ill effect. So it's like a black handprint that you put on things. And they think their stuff has been dirtied. Ooh, ladies' legs. What's he doing? Seven and ten. A pair of shapely legs made from strong vinyl plastic inflates to 36 inches.

He pretends he had a girlfriend. A riot at any jovial gathering. Placed under a table bed or, I don't know, out the back of a boot of a car, it says. No, it doesn't. It does. Boot of a car. It does say that, yeah.

Out of a window. Ensures pleasurable excitement for the man. I fucking love this. This the man i fucking love this this is great i love this learn to draw six shot bazooka and they've got a picture of a tank the zeta ray a novel streamlined space pistol that shoots a beam of white light a torch it's a torch which is a perfect time to move on to the second item whose guess guess is it? You go first this time. We need to guess the price. That's what the price of Shire is for.

Oh, yeah, all right. I'm just quite excited. Wow. Okay, so what is this? What should we call this? Nostalgia pack. Nostalgia pack. If we had more time, I'd like to go through that.

Okay, number four is the nostalgia pack. Yeah. And who guessed love first last? You guessed first first, so then it was me and then it was you and now it's me to guess first on this all right okay uh i would say i would say i'm gonna go one pound 80 i'm gonna go with two quid i wanted to say two quid you know but at least i'm in the zone i love this ellison's thing no matter what i'm keeping this you say two quid you know but at least i'm in the zone i love this ellison's thing no matter what i'm keeping this you say two quid pictures on our website of all this stuff elise says 180. okay let's get on to is that my favorite thing in the so far it's the most it's brought the most radio binoculars

worked they would have been cool that would be cool yeah cool they don't at all right so the next thing then and funnily enough since the zeta ray turned up in that look what this is funnily enough it's a zeta ray it kind of is isn't it it is a but ugly martians signal flash gun mint on card he got there first everybody look out for there's a whole range of but ugly martian weird light up guns it's all cheap shit whoopee cushion Elastic band firer. Suction cup firer. One of those shitty pinball, pachinko type things as well. Seems a bit like a modern day sort of Edison's. That company, you know. Has multi-coloured lights on it though, that's something.

And it comes with a battery. Do you want to give it a go? Or are you too afraid to break this piece of 90s? Break the mint on card. Is it 90s? Well, it must be. Do you think that battery is still there? Who knows?

Wow, no, I don't think we should break it. If it's 30 years old, mint on card. Would it be on, no, I don't think we should break it. If it's 30 years old, mental card. Would it be on the back? I don't think we should break it. We wouldn't even be able to... 2000 it's from. That's still 23 years ago. You don't want to open this?

That's 23 years old. Because look, it's got multicoloured lights on the front. That won't work out here in the broad daylight. It's just a pain. That battery won't work. Have you got a... I might have. Look, that battery has March 2004 written on it.

You never know. It might still work. It won't. You don't know. I think we should keep this. This is a nice thing. And I would like it to remain mint on card. All right.

It's a signal. But Ugly Martians. Was that a TV show or something? It was a kid's TV show. Look, it's early CG. They look like... What's that pop hit? Reboot, it's like that cartoon show Reboot. But also he looks like the, what's that frog?

Oh, Crazy Frog. The Crazy Frog kind of graphics. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding or blue do ba da ba dee boo do ba da that had graphics like that as well didn't it it did you're right so you my pagoda what are you going to say how much is that then

what am I going to say how much is that is it my guess it's not my guess oh the microphone's wobbling it's a blustery day boys and gals it's got a bit blustery

where's the notepad right it's right there hold that for me right I wanted to open this and fire it please don't

please it's not going to be worth it it's much... Oh! He's done the fucking ripping noise with his voice. I did the noise with the sound effect. That worked. That was good. You're good with sound.

Yeah, I'm like... I keep telling you, I'm the Michael Winslow of podcasts, aren't I? The Winslow of podcasts. The Winslow of podcasts. Now, you guessed first. I guessed. You guessed. I guessed.

You have a podcast, you think. It's just... It's your guess first. I'm a helicopter. You have to go first on the... 125. What am I going to call it? Martian torch gun.

He's looking at his scores. I'm trying to do some kind of math in my head, aren't I? Six to eight was the window given to us by Ash. I'm going to stay with that. I'm going to say 125. £1.25. I'm going to cut my losses there either way. Well, if he did pay that for it, he...

This is a Nottingham... Isn't it Nottingham he got it from? I'm going to say £2. £2 on the nozzle. I think it's more because I think something that old in that condition. All right, OK. But sometimes some people just don't know what they've got. Are we going to do one more item now,

or have we got two coming up? We've got two coming up. Right, I'm going to load up this little bad boy. Have some fucking respect for our audience. He might not approve of your lifestyle choices. I'm going to suck down some vapour. I don't approve of Eli's lifestyle choices, and I want that to be known.

Oh, because he's such a good boy. He's such a little good boy. He's clean. He's clean as a whistle. The hairs in his arse whistle in the wind. As he leaps. He's leaping along. I'm a thief of the thought. I'm going to break into Eli's head and steal his thought.

Oh, there's nothing. It's an empty space in here. It is. It's like a void, which is the void before creation. The possibility of all forms. It's a a void, which is the void before creation. The possibility of all forms. There's almost an item, and then it disappears. Are you saying that my mind is a void containing the possibility of all forms, Paul?

Because I think that's what you said. Every mind's got that, though, hasn't it? No, yours doesn't. Limitless into... My mind doesn't. You've just got a bunch of references to 90s comedy. Let me invent something really cool right now.

Let me invent something just right now. I dare you to. A hang glider made of bacon. Yeah, just using a technique. Limitless. Limitless imagination. He'd eat it before he got off the ground. Harold the Duck with three wings.

There's another one. Just came up with it. I'm a genius. I don't like you doing this, Paul. I don't like it. Bonk, bonk the horny car. What about that one? I don't like it. Bonk Bonk the Horny Car. What about that one? I kind of like that one.

The Horny Car. Bonk Bonk the Horny Car. Bonk Bonk. It's his name. He's cute. He is cute. Oh, I need to load some herbal CBD powder. We're getting close to the end. Into my

expensive German vape Slot on Highly rated vape Slot on please Slot on Here we're on the Celandine walk Yeah

I think I'm getting dehydrated mate All I've got is this coffee And I had that Red Bull And that's it My mouth is quite parched Have a sip of this I might have a saps up yes Right

Sip out the other end of this No I'll sip out the Sip out the other end of my glass No because I have to drink from that. So I have to drink from that though, that's where your lips have been all around it. No, they've been around this side. They've been all around that rim. I'm not touching it.

I'm not touching that. I'll pour, listen, I'll pour myself some. Fine. Let me just have a little bit here. You can have a little bit. There's a little scar there, I'll drink from that bit so you'll never know. Go on the scar side. The little scar.

It's just on the verge of being warm enough. It's quite, oh it's still on the verge of being warm enough. It's quite... Oh, it's still quite hot. It's nice enough. Anyway, I'm surprised you're all upset about that, considering I suck your willy. My willy's not part of my alimentary canal. That's true.

Shame. I should just give it a clean off on the curtains. Yeah, a bit of a tongue lashing. Which doesn't happen, everyone, by the way. Stop leaning into it. It doesn't happen. Stop leaning in? You always tell me to lean in!

But you lean in and then shout, and then you talk quietly far away. That's the problem. Lean in. So that's what you're meant to do with mikes, isn't it? You lean in, you shout, and then you walk away and talk quietly, yeah? Is that what you do, Paul?

I'm going to lamp you. No, take me through it one more time. There's going to be two graves. So I'm leaning in now. There's going to be two bodies in that Elvis grave. I'm leaning in. Shall I shout now? Or do I...

I'm walking... What do I do? Hi, everyone. That's that segment done. No. I am having a go on that vape? Or do I... I'm walking... What do I do? Bye, everyone. That's that segment done. No. I am having a go on that vape, though. Tell you that. Shut up! What's going on here?

I'm having a bit of a whitey, Paul. Oh, yeah. How much more of the Cylindine route have we got? Well, this is why I've turned that on. I think we're really close to the end of it now. Apparently, when we come out of this pathway, that's it. We come out on the main road, then it's a short walk to the Grand Canal.

The Grand Union. The Grand Union Canal. And the pinner is to our right. The pin. Wow, you're so inaccurate. It's almost like you're trying to be completely inaccurate. All right, whitey man. I am having a bit...

Hey, don't do drugs, kids. You know what you should do for a laugh? What for a laugh? What? Listen, stop. Get down on your... We don't have a metal bench, Paul. We've got wooden benches. Get down, hunch down, and stay there for 30 seconds and then get up.

And as the blood rushes to your head, you're going to have a complete moment. That's what I want you to do. What do you mean? No, stay down there. Crouch and stay down there down there for like 30 seconds right he's down there right i'm not doing this i'm not doing it chicken mate you know you said you were looking for your sunnies yeah sunglasses when you were a kid you know like you did a mooney you know what that was did a Mooney? You know what that was, yeah? Shared your bum. What would you do if I said do a Sonny? That's what we used to call it as a kid.

We used to get your willy... You used to call what? Your willy out. Showing your willy doing a Sonny. I'm not interested in this. Oh, but I have to listen to your fucking cement bag anecdotes. That has appeal, not just to weird people like you. It doesn't, and I'm not weird. I'm special.

I'm a special boy. And anyway, Eli's having a whitey because he smokes... It's okay, I'm trying to walk it off, all right? Shut up. I think it's deeply unprofessional, frankly, to not only extol the virtues of narcotics, but actively take part in them during this walk. I still haven't seen a fucking shop.

Selen Dean Walk. It's like a... Shopless. It's an anti-caft in this fucking walk. There are places where if you want to go off the beaten path for a while, you could probably find a shop or a... I know. I mean, we went past a chippy, didn't we?

But it was closed, so... We have made no diversion. I think I am underhydrated. My mouth is very parched. Are we really very close yes I think we're literally this path we're on right now

will be the end of it oh god it's another beautiful meadow it's a lovely meadow oh god I couldn't give a shit what was that film with Robert Redford

I don't care Wild in the Africas or something it was called yes no Robert Redford's favourite film Wild in the Africas I remember it you remember it don't you

out of Africa yeah that's the one that didn't have Robert Redford in didn't it but I think it had Meryl Streep yeah anyway anyway so look this is lovely isn't it it is actually a really beautiful meadow take a picture take a picture of me standing in a meadow there's some lovely are these celandines then or these butter? I think these are Buttercups. Take a picture of me in the Buttercups. Let me stand. Like, you know that film Toys? You know the poster with Robin Williams?

Like that. Wasn't that a really awesome film? Yeah. Take a picture of me in the Buttercups. He's doing it. Nice. Nice. Did you ever do that thing as a kid, used to hold it to your chin?

Eli, see if you like butter. Do you like butter? Used to hold it to your chin. But everyone likes butter anyway. I like it. I like butter. I've got cultured butter. Do you know where I like butter?

Do you know where I like butter? All around the room and then someone's finger deep in you. Humping your arse with their hand. Is that what you like? Oh God. Sandwiches. I was going to say sandwiches. Sandwiches, you were going to say sandwiches. I like butter on my sandwiches. Listen mate. Especially like bloomer bread with a nice heavy slice of cheese and a bit of chutney on it. I don't like a cheese sandwich but I never think to make one for myself. That's sad isn't it? Look there's another little pathway. The birds hark. What's that?

A little concrete structure by the side of the pin. Yeah, that's so you don't fall in the pin I reckon. He says walking towards it, mind out for the metals. Oh mate look at this. Super cool. Oh yeah the edge is right there I'm not going any further. Nice little abutment, concrete abutment. Concrete abutment. Of some sort. That's excellent. With our new album, Riverway Distortion. We are concrete abutment.

And we come to rock your socks off. That was interesting. Right, back on the path we go. Oh, ow. Nettles. Nettles, Eli. Now I've got to find a dock leaf. Because you rub a dock leaf, don't you?

I am dock leaf abankment. And I am naughty nettles. I can't take it. I actually can't take it. Why? Because it's hard. That's why. It's hard to take, Paul.

Is it firm? Oh, God. God. Anyhow, I'm getting Cottonmouth Joe here. Hey, if it hadn't been forgotten, I'd do Cottonmouth Joe. I've been married a long time ago. Where did you come from? Where did you go?

Where did you come from, Cottonmouth Joe? Cottonmouth Joe. Yeah. I need liquid refreshment, Paul. Of the aqueous variety. All right? So we're going to have to do a little diversion. Well, there's no diversion to go.

I'm fucking parched, mate. This is why I'm recording, so I can record as we end this path. I'm parched. I know. You've gone on about it. Like you've gone on about your wet hems and your fucking U2.

I didn't say. You've just brought those up again. Go home. No. Go on. No. We're the walkmen. Go home. We are we are the walkman oh this actually is a longer part of the path what's that stables up there big buildings it's housing housing all right well

maybe maybe i'll go there's a hump of some sort yeah mound it's a mound of chippings a lot of chippings and mulch hello boys hello boy A lot of chippings and mulch. Oh, my little goblin, little goblin. Hello, boys. Hello, boys. It's the gripple friend himself. Bli-bli-bli-bli-bli-bli-bli-bli-bli. Don't do it, Scott. Go back in your bloggling hole, please.

Would you like to come into my goblin blog? No, no, no. You go back in your hole, please. Nice to see you and everything, multi-food. Don't you like me no more, Eli? I do, but we're going to do the... We have to, you and everything, Multi. Don't you like me no more, Eli? I do, but we're going to have to, you know... You don't blibble-boggle anymore. You never come round for a blibble anymore, do you?

I'm sorry, Multi, but... This is a bit awkward, isn't it, Eli? You've upset Multi Fibbage. I'll go in the blibble, in the flobble, in the gababble. Just go back in, please. In me gubbage. Yeah, go back in your gubbage. All right, I'll go back in... Just go back in, please. In me gubbage. Yeah, go back in your gubbage. All right, I'll go back in me gubbage.

You've upset him now, Eli. Ah, whatever, mate. He's under contract. He knows that. He knows that, you know. I can't believe you told him to go away. He knows that Grumpy Sessions and me are pretty close, and he respects him.

He's told him he won't devour him. That's just a role he played. It's not a real thing he does. He doesn't really eat children or devour human beings for sustenance. Sometimes he won't. He's playing a bad guy. You're like those people who see a person in a soap opera and think they're the nasty nick in real life.

Oh, look at this. Oh, here he goes. It's a fucking block of flats half a mile away. Don't give a fuck. Nice, Paul. Well, people will appreciate this. Great photography I'm doing. No fucking great photography with this.

Yeah, we've got a bit of a go, so I'm going to turn this off for a bit and we'll come back right at the end of the pathway. See you in a bit. We haven't come that far from that building. Remember, we started up there. Did you that i'm failing this out mate okay fine do it are you still recording i'm recording now yeah that's dead no no i know i stopped it and i'm recording again because literally this is the end of the path we can see the main road and then

past that it's a short walk to the grand union canal so that's it we need to do more price of shite so we need to get on the canal i think that's where we should you know come to an end with the journey of ours that we've been on today then we have to do the scores as well yeah well where are you going to sit around here this is there's nowhere around here really around here i thought we look the um pin has already disappeared behind some houses. Yeah. So I think we might have seen the last of it. No, it says now that...

We'll see it. No, it says it goes under the canal and then into private land and then disappears and becomes part of the Thames. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So this is the end of this walk. We finally completed the Selandine Walk, mate. Yay.

Yay. There's a bench there. There's been quite a variety in the benches on this last section, haven't there? Many benches. Metal benches. Many benches. Wooden benches. Some benches with a sort of anti-tramp sort of...

Design. ...armrest thing in the middle. Yeah. Which I disapprove of. Yeah. So, here we are. I lie down on it. This is it. This is the end of the line. We never..., here we are. I'm down on it. This is it.

This is the end of the line. We never... Listen, we need to do the end... This isn't the end of the podcast. No. We're getting on the Grand Union. What's a Tesco, mate? Ooh.

We're getting sandwiches and coming back. We'll speak to you a bit later. But here we are. Let's just cross the threshold. Let's cross the threshold. And this is it. The Celadine Walk is over. Is that it? That's it. This is the beginning and Let's get sandwiches. Let's cross the threshold. And this is it. The Saladin Walk is over. Is that it?

That's it. This is the beginning and the end of it. Wow. So should we head to Tesco and get some stuff? Yes. All right, let's do that then, in that case. And then we'll go on the Grand Union. Yeah, then we'll go on the Grand Union and then we'll finish this.

Let's go home. Let's go home. What a day. What a day. today right well although the celandine route is, the walk continues for a little bit more. We've got a price of shite to put a button on. We've still got two items on the price of shite, Paul. Even though we're at the end of the Celandine route,

here we are on the Grand Union. We've done some Lego. We've done some sandwiches. We went to Tesco's. It's very weird being in that Tesco's. Yes, because it had this escalator that had two floors. You looked out over the food floor, the main bit, Yes, because it had this escalator that had two floors. Yeah. You looked out over the food floor, the main bit, as you went up the escalator to the toys

and clothes. It just made it look fake and... It was a weird perspective because you're usually in the maze. It was like a rat coming out of its own maze and seeing it. Seeing it from above. Yeah. It was just weird. It was weird.

It looked like a factory for selling food. Or like a movie set almost. A movie set, yeah. You know what I mean? It's a weird. It looked like a factory for selling food. Or like a movie set almost. A movie set, yeah. You know what I mean? It's a very controlled space. No, that's explore the Colne Valley from Cowley, so that's a different route altogether.

No, but look at that. It's a river just there. Yeah, that's not going to be the pin. Why not? It comes under here, doesn't it? No, because that came over from that direction. This is coming in from the side, isn't it? I don't think it is.

There's a map right behind you, it will say. Where are we? It's the Cowley River. Oh, weird. Another river. Yeah. Anyway, we're not doing that. We're going to...

Basically, what we're doing is walking along the... There's a bridge coming up now. We're going to cross the canal. No, that's not the bridge. It is. That's a sewer bridge. No, that's a bridge. Okay.

God, you're so quick to judge. God. So, we're going to go over,. No, that's not the bridge. It is. It's a sewer bridge. No, that's a bridge. Okay. God, you're so quick to judge. God. So we're going to go over, find a spot to do it, and then head on back. The plan will then be to walk back along the way we've come on the Grand Union Canal to West Drayton Station and head home on the Elizabethan line, maybe. That'll be fun.

We haven't done that. Oh, mate, I've got another... I forgot to tell you. I mean, plan. A spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off. And so the arms and worlds rotate. Mate, why are you so happy all of a sudden? Because I believe...

People are coming and they'll beat us up. People, right, fine. So here's the thing, right, night bussing, oh, of course we've done night bussing. We're going to do another one. Mate, I'm actually going to do something better than that. Replacement bussing, where we find a train route that's down and then we get on the bus route that is the replacement replacement yeah and we get on that we take a

journey on the replacement bus journey how about that don't take don't you dare not say i'm not pushing boundaries christ anyway if you want to see replacement bus and you just comment below oh we're crossing over the canal now. Mate, you've got to take a picture of this. Come on, this is picture time complete. Complete? And there's another little lake on the other side of this. Welcome to the Slough Arms, it says.

Slough Arms. Slough Arms. I'm going to take a picture while I can. Please don't drop anything into the canal pool That would suck all the donkey dicks First of all Canal picture Second of all, an Eli on the bridge picture

And then I'm going to turn the camera on me And now I look stupid in the picture I look in pain Right, we're off the bridge What a lovely bridge I like the design of it iron span isn't it hmm spam quite industrial so yeah we got a coffee and we got sandwiches and we got libations for drinking but no alcohol we've decided to not do it

not add anything to our day that will make us feel crappy. You had a Chicken Caesar wrap, Paul. Very nice. Solid. And I went for bacon and egg. Oh. I like a boiled egg in a sandwich. And that's what they do in Tesco sandwiches. They do do a boiled egg, don't they?

You know? Have you ever had a hot boiled egg sandwich? Yes. It's fine. Have you ever had one? Yeah. Now, hang on, wait. Have you ever had one with Marmite?

Wait. What canals are this we're walking on it's separate it's different yeah it's a Slough Arm isn't it you saw the sign

oh I thought it meant a pub like the Slough Arms no it's the arm of the Grand Union called the Slough Arm it's quite complicated it's a whole system it's a system of

yeah of canals because it's such a long one so it's got more different bits I suppose mate it's frightening I don't like it. It stretches all the way to Birmingham or whatever.

Yeah, it does. Well, not this arm, would it? Anyway, we're going to try and find a space. Is there going to be a space? Yeah, under the bridge. It's a bit like the hills and ice around here, isn't it now? Yeah. We might have one.

Stay gone to the path, boys. What is it they say? What about there? Keep on the path that looks great packet yeah but I bet you any money that's private land

packet boat marina wasn't that that song packet boat marina no came and told and I told a soul that packet boat marina eh eh eh eh

what's that one you know what I mean no packet boat marina that's what it's called who's the artist then What's that one? You know what I mean? Monkey Comedina. No, Packet Boat Marina. That's what it's called. Who's the artist then? I can never remember his name. Tone Lock.

Thank you. Oh, and we're at a canal. Hey! You know, and he's a lock. Yeah, and the pin. We're into pin badges. And we've been walking along the river pin. And we started the thing off with pin badges. Pin badges at the start for the pin.

Pin a pin in the river pin pin badge. Should we go up this path and not along the thing? Because I think if we go up start for the pin pin a pin in the pin river pin pin badge should we go up this path not along the thing because i think if we go up now we'll find a place on the land i feel like we're just going to walk along i don't know i mean it might be i don't know let's keep going up here i think i think we should go up and over because it looks like if we go up this way oh what's this oh mate someone's living the remnants of a living area here there's an old tent torn asunder no look there's a gate there yeah so you probably can't get in that then I don't like this this all looks guarded

you know what I mean it's like get off our special area you merino folk that's where people live in their boats yeah anyway we'll find out we will find out. We will find out.

Look at this. There's a structure up ahead. Yes. It's a round thing. What's that? It looks interesting. Could have been like an old remnant of a bridge or something maybe. God, that guy coughed right over my fucking head.

Right, let's... No, the man coughed. Right, I am going to hang up on this conversation and we're going to come back to you once we've found a spot to do our final segment of The price of the shite of. What are those little duckies? Goslings. Right, Goslings.

That's not a joke. It's almost a joke. I'm going to pass it off as one. Paul, we've left the Celandine route and indeed the river pin, which it tracks. Yes. At least a quarter of a mile behind us now. We're way into the hinterland surrounding the Grand Union out here. Near Slough, the Slough arm of the Grand Union. We've just come off the Slough arm of the Grand Union Canal. If we had any further along that route, we would have hit the M25.

We are well past Heathrow. We're about a mile a mile down down canal from the m25 yeah yeah yeah so look we've seen another river we've seen we saw the river cold was it no felled or fled cold oh yeah rather river flailed with the fray fray that's right which went on which went under a canal have you ever can you imagine the grand union went over it rather yeah it went over it i'll have photos of that? The Grand Union went over it, rather. Yeah, it went over it. I'll have photos of that. Yeah, we're going to hopefully have some video footage.

I want to go back that way on the way back. Paul, although we've left the Serlandine route behind and we've finished... The one other thing I wanted to comment about... Yeah, every fucking time, Colombo. Imagine we had tried to press on that night when we did the first bit of this. Oh, mate, it would have been madness.

Utter madness. Although we would have a massive Tesco at the end of it to show for, I guess. That Tesco was freaking our minds. Although we would have a massive Tesco at the end of it to show for. That Tesco was freaking our minds. It was because we'd been walking into nature or, you know, relative exposed to trees. It felt like a stark reminder of the encroaching cities coming in. Yes, okay. That's what I was getting at.

Thank you. So we have two businesses, business, however. Let's get on with it. We have two final items. Ash's PO box, price of shite, curated box continues, and here we go. Item number six, which is? A book, and it's EastEnders, Tiffany's Secret Diary. So Tiffany was a character in EastEnders, she was in it for a few years,

and it was played by Martine McCutcheon. My perfect moment. Remember that one? So she wrote that, and this is a book about her diary, apparently. And it says here... It's ghostwritten, isn't it? I mean, it's not a real diary because it's a fictional character.

Yeah, but I mean... Is it the actress who's supposed to have written it? Let me read it. I was going to have such a bright, glamorous future. Marry a rich bloke. Leave crummy Watford all behind. Walford, isn't it? Walford.

At 19, fun-loving Tiffany's plans for the high life took a very different turn when she discovered she was pregnant. But who was the father? A drug dealer or a thug? I fucking hate EastEnders. By 20, she was married to Grant Mitchell. Oh! She'd also been dumped and was facing divorce.

She had a baby while her husband carried on with Lorraine. So this sort of retells probably those stories. It novelises in diary form, like Dracula, the story of Tiffany. What's that type of novel called? There's a type, it's Adrian Mould's, is that as well? It's kind of like a fake autobiography, kind of. I don't know what you want to call it.

It's a fake diary, isn't it? There's probably a very particular phrase for it that I don't know. Just like there's one for novels that are just letters, just a series of letters back and forth. There's probably a very particular phrase for it that I don't know. Just like there's a one for novels that are just letters. Just a series of letters back and forth. Oh wait, there's only one way out and that was to make a fresh start away from Albert Square. She entrusted her diary to her best friend Bianca to make sure that one day Courtney would know the truth from her mother's

heart. So what Bianca did was sell this to a book publisher and printed out her friend's secrets without her permission. Pick a page I'll read anything. No I don't want to. No, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it, Paul. Dr Legg came to see me today and says I'm over the worst now and can I have visitors?

I says, does that mean I can see Courtney? He said yes, but after he left, Peggy started going on about how she shouldn't be exposed to any risk. So Grant's still keeping me away from her. I miss her so much. I worry that she'll have forgotten who her mammy is. Oh, I guess. It's been a month now.

Poor lamb. We've had enough of that now, Paul, haven't we? Yeah, it came round and I started telling her how much I miss Courtney. It's my turn to guess the price of this. Oh, yeah. I'd say... I'm going to say 50p. Fuck!

I get to guess first. Yeah, well, you get to guess quicker then, don't you? Right say I'm going to say 50p fuck I get to guess first yeah well you get to guess quicker then don't you right I'm going 60p fuck you stick to the rules you prick you stick to the rules

you stupid fucking wretched half pipe of a skateboard park you your mouth has been on terrible thorn

the whitey's back. No, I'm not. The whitey is not back. Yeah, the whitey's back. Return of the whitey. Here he is. Right, final item. I'm not having a whitey anymore.

Final item. I don't want to do this anymore. Do you want to do the fight-em? The fight-em? The flight-em? I do not want to sit here with you. Don't call me a wretch. The other one, he was like,

your words have not fallen on today. Whatever that was you did. Both of us have been stuttering. The last item, I'm going to let Eli open himself because I think he'll enjoy this. I need to write down the scores. Come on then. The fucking guesses.

What did you say? Return of the Mac. What is your guess? My guess is 60p. What is your guess? I said 50p. 50 of the earth p What is your guess? My guess is 60p. What is your guess? I said 50p. 50 of the earth pence. And remember, the microphone's over there.

So don't look at me and talk. I don't want to look at you. You can look that way, but your eyes can look this way. Fuck you. Look, you're too far away. Fuck you in the mouth. Yeah? Yeah.

Come on, then. No one's here. They are. I will honk down your chods. That means poo. For tuppence. You want poo-poo play? Is that what you brought me out here for?

To eat my shit? Well, I'd be up for that. I could just leave a bit over there for you. Hey, I'm the Scatman. I want you to get Barbie Girl in. Look at the fucking frog. Don't do the frog. I'm a Barbie in. Get the fucking frog. Don't do the frog. I'm a Barbie girl.

Get the last item. Come on, Pop. Come on, Barbie. It's time for our final item. Let's go, Pi. Eli, you can open this. Oh, it's a bowl, a plate. I'm going to guess it's some kind of royal memorabilia.

Well, open it up and find out. You don't need to tear it. You can just unwrap it, like unroll it. I like tearing it. Yeah, but then it's really difficult to protect again. Thanks. No, just go ahead and do that. I'll put it in my bag. It'll be fine. I like tearing it. Yeah, but then it's really difficult to protect again. Thanks. No, just go ahead and do that. I'll put it in my bag.

It'll be fine. I've got a jumper in there. We don't want to keep this anyway. No, I don't fucking want this. No one wants this. And what is that? Daniel O'Donnell souvenir photograph plate. Yeah, it is.

It's a picture of Daniel O'Donnell. He's got a fetching sports casual kind of top on with a little zip and a collar. He's like Cliff Richard without the edge. What was his big... I don't know what his big... It's probably Danny Boy, wasn't it, or something. So I look it up.

It's a millennial celebration. It says Daniel 2000 on the back. What, like a robot horror film? Daniel 2000. Daniel 2000 is back. It's a millennial celebration of Daniel O'Donnell. Irish singer. What can I say?

Irish singer. MBE. He's a philanthropist as well, apparently. Well, that's nice, isn't it? Rising to attention in 1983, he became a household name. He's also a considerable success in Australia. Yeah. What's his bigot then, you fuck?

Also known as Wee Daniel. Wee Daniel. Who by? His fans, probably. Discography. The Boy from Donegal. Two sides of Daniel O'Donnell. I need you.

Don't forget to remember. From the heart. Thoughts of home. The last waltz. Follow your dream. Especially for you. Christmas with Daniel. Timeless. The Daniel O'Donnell Irish Collection, Songs of Inspiration, I Believe, Love Songs, Faith and Inspiration,

Live, Laugh, Love, Yesterday's Memories, Daniel in Blue Jeans, At the End of the Day, The Duke Box Years, 20 More Jeans Classics, Welcome to My World, Teen Teenage dreams Until the next time I can't hang Together again I feel like I'm drowning in a hallmark card Country boy Peace in the Valley

Oh fuck Oh Holy Nights Moon over Ireland These are all albums Songs from the movies and more Stop, stop, please A picture of you The Hank Williams songbook

I have a dream There's a baloney mouth Christmas with Daniel 2 It's happening again Walking in the moonlight Halfway to paradise Stop Daniel 60.

I wish you well. Oh, fucking. Is that the end of it? A date with Daniel live. Oh, please. Stand beside me live in concert. Hope and praise. Back home again.

Jesus, are you? Compilations. The very best of. No, stop. The classic collection. Greatest hits. The very best of. Memories.

The rock and roll collection from Daniel with love. The rock and roll collection. Early Memories. I'm sure I got a cab once. The essential Daniel O'Donnell. I got a cab. The ultimate collection. I was getting a cab in Archway once.

The best of musical memories, the gold collection. And the guy who had the rock and roll had him. He does Elvis on that rock and roll one. He does Elvis. The love songs EP. Singles, Two's Company, Far From Home, Last Waltz, Marianne. Please, please. Letters with the postman's bag.

The Three Bells. I just want to dance with you. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned love? Stop. Singing the blues. The gift. Timeless. The magic is there.

The way dreams are. Uno mas. No, I can't take it. A Christmas kiss. The way dreams are. Light the candle. Stop the candle. Stop it.

You raise me up and crush on you. Crush on you. Daniel, I'm going to... And that's all you need to know. I actually don't think we should take this plate home with us. I want to bury it in Elvis's grave. I want to go back to Elvis's grave. That would be ironic because he did a rock and roll record.

You could leave it on the grave just on top. That would be horrible. That poor dog doesn't deserve that. Poor dog doesn't deserve it. Look at his fucking stupid, half-smirking, fucking quaffed face. I'm going to say that is... No, it's not your go first. All right, you go first then.

No, it is your go first. All right, then I'm going to say it is £1.75. That's what I'm going to suggest to you. £1.75. Well, Daniel O'Donnell Plate. Danny Plate. We're almost there for the betwings. Danny Plate.

The plates, the plates are calling. Plate. Damn Plate. Come on. What did you say? £1.75. Yeah. £1.75. And I'm going to say £1. Plate. Damn plate. Come on. What did you say? 175? Yeah. 175. And I'm

going to say £1.50. Right. 150. I thought that was a fart. I had essence of fart to it, that sound. Right, it had the smell of a fart as well. Eli. Because my breath is so stinky. Eli. I have the answers

here and it is time for us to go through it and do you want to go quickly through what the prices that we've said are or should we just do it one at a time one at a time yeah let's cut the here we go I'm opening the envelope with the answers in the radio binoculars the first one we did I guess for Paul yeah I'm gonna do a little Paul and Eli between totals right it's gonna be interesting this one i think between total here we go ready radio binoculars radio binoculars you how go on tell me what you thought you said one pound 50 yeah i said one pound 25 the answer is two pounds and 50 pence both of us out zeroing out there zero Next. Okay, doughnuts all round so far, Paul.

Let's go into the second item. The second item I've got on my list here that we guessed at. Yeah. Crap Trumps. Oh, good. That's the next one on here as well, funnily enough. That's good. So far, it's been in this order.

You guessed 75p, and I said £1. Sorry, how much did I say? 75p, and I said £1. The answer is 75p. Fuck's sake. That's two betwings for me and only one for Silverman. One for Silverman. At least I got one betwing.

The 25p, either side's all really coming in there. Take what you can get. I'll tell you, it's the strategy that we all have to play by now. Now... And we're going to the third... I was just checking we are recording, otherwise this would have been a painful experience. We're going into the third item on this special Al Fresco. And what...

And what did we say according to your list it was the crime mop related cassette tape okay mystery cassette yeah how much did you say he's Chrisette or the leader yeah we're leader some people call them yeah they're a mop manufacture carry on your guess was zero point five or fifty fifty pence yeah I said 25p I wasn't I said 25 in that case Eli you're getting two per twings and I'm getting one because the score is 25p. Oh, the sweetness. Look at that equalise.

It's swung back. I'm equalised. What a good swing back. Fucking equalised, mate. We're on three per twings apiece on the third item. This might be a high scorer. It's a good day for us here today. It's a good day.

It's a good day for us here today. We've got Lego. We've got drinks. There's a lot of opportunities for drinks. We've had lots of fun. We had sandwiches. Next item on our list, according to you, nostalgia pack. It's the nostalgia pack of that thing.

How much did you say? You said £2. I said £1.80. £1.80. £1.80. Well, it was £1 on the nose, so we were out there. Both out there. Although it says here, right rip-off.

Double zero. I don't know, I reckon that's all right for a quid, that. Easily all right for a quid. I think there was a lot of fun in that. It was nice. Yeah, I enjoyed it. It was nice quality paper. Next, what did we say?

I mean, it's a complete bullshit item. It's a load of... Yeah, it's a load of reproductions and things. But actually, I found it really interesting, and I'd like to study it more. It's got a nostalgic... I think a quid's fine. I think a quid's fine, yes.

When you think about the work that went into designing it. I bet it goes for a lot more when you're buying a card shop or whatever you fucking got it from. Right, go on, next item. The Martian torch gun thing. Martian butt plugs, was it? Ugly butt Martian torch. Ugly butt plug Martian...

That's the one. Come on. Juice job. Juice job. Martian butt plug juice job. I've seen that film. Mint on card, butt. How much? Martian butt. Can you fucking just give me the price? You said £1.25 and I said £2. It's a 23 year old. How much did you say? I'll concentrate when you ramble. You said £1.25 and I said £2. I get two points because it's £1.25.

I got it spot on again. Let's see that. Fuck you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Two for Twins for me and zero for Eli that time. How could you? Next one. What's going on?

What's the next one? You looked at this. I haven't because it was sealed. I didn't see you. And how would I remember it for the whole journey we've been going down, right? So don't even start that, mate. Don't you start that. What's the next item?

The Tiffany's what? Secret diary. Tiffany's secret diary. You said 50p and I said 60p. I'm hoping to get between there. It's 20 pence. Both of us out. Nothing for that.

Both of us out. Okay, only one more chance to make betwings. So it's the plate. It's the Daniel O'Donnell. The Daniel O'Gloddle. O'Gloddle. How much did you, how much? It's been a long time since I've rock and roll.

You said £1.75, Paul. Yeah. And this is it. This is the moment. Come on. I can only draw. I can't even draw. What did you say?

£1.50. The price was £2 for the terrifying plate, which means I get a betwing. Oh, fuck, I'm getting destroyed. How much is that overall, Mr Silverman? You have six betwings and I have three. Six and three, still a respectable score, but ultimately I'm the winner of this week's episode. I got slapped up there, Paul, I have to say.

Well done. Well done, indeed. That was a good game. It bounced back and forth for a bit. A bit like I'll walk along the pin. It went a little bit this way, a little bit that. But ultimately, I came out on top. You did come out on top there.

I've come out on top. And you know me, I like to come out on top. Come out and then come on over the top. Yeah, just come on someone's top. Right, come on someone's tits. Yeah. Come on their tits. Yeah, that's what I am saying.

I don't know what you want me to decipher.ed you know there's moments of beauty that we experience together and we share with people moments of excitement moments of actual spontaneous joy and then you bring it to this again every time it's it's this lurid come eating this lurid spunk wallowing spunk eating that's what you're all about as

I would like to quit the show as of right now why are you it's always the same thing it's the fake walkout you've been doing it

for eight years if you were going to walk out this is Holly and Phil all over again and I can't work. Holly and Phil? Holly and Phil.

Oh, shut up. We don't do that. It's too topical. Isn't it? All right, I'll scratch it. I dislike Philip Schofield. How about that? This is Richard Burton.

Did you ever like Philip Schofield? I don't give a shit. I don't have an opinion on Philip Schofield. You must have liked him. You liked him. You liked him? Yeah. Weirdo.

When I was a kid. And it was fine to like Philip Scopero because he presented Going Live or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah? I didn't like him even then though. That's what I'm saying.

Oh, aren't you fucking special? Aren't you clever? Aren't you special, Eli special boy from the land of lovely, special, gifted children? The invective from you. Fucking hell today.

You've ruined my victory. I have not. That's a great victory and you've ruined it. So, the sun's setting and we need to start heading back. We need to get out of here. Let's look at a route. We're going. So the sun's setting and we need to start heading back. We need to get out of here. Let's look at a route. We're gonna go, no we're gonna go back the way we came along the path and

all over the bridge and then along the all the way to West Drayton Station. We're gonna do it that way. Because if we go out the other way we're not going back on ourselves and over so this is the more interesting way. And I want to film it with the camera because it's pretty. Okay. So that's the reason why. Let's get going then Paul. Let's get going then. Well well done me. Bet Between, between, between, between, between, between. That's six betwings I had to give myself because Eli's such a fetid cum catcher. I'm not fetid. Look.

That's why you have a beard, isn't it? So you can catch every delicious drop, isn't it, Eli? Can't you be kind? No. For one moment. No. You got your shoes off. Yeah, because my feet hurt because I've been in those shitty shoes I bought. I got stung going back

through the nettles. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Why? I've got shirt sleeves on. You don't have shirt sleeves on. That's the point. You've got short sleeve shirt on. I've got short sleeves. You don't have short sleeves on. What does shirt sleeves mean when they

say that? He's in shirt sleeves. That's long all the way down to the wrist, isn't it? But he's also in a shirt. This segment's now over. I'm just deciding. Shirt sleeves is a shit word, isn't it? Shirt sleeves. What does that fucking mean?

Shorter, sharpshooter, sleeve shades. At you. Sharpshooters. And we're back to on the chest again, so we can move on. Oh, what, from across the room? What's that, Splash on your gash. Good game. Good game.

No, that's awful. I shouldn't sign off for that. You shouldn't do that. I need to sign off for something better. You can't. Let's end our walk with a little more talk. No. When we get to West Drayton? Let's stop this talk and continue our walk.

When we get to West Drayton? Yeah. We're going to end... We're going to do one more thing to wrap it up and say goodbye. Okay. But this isn't it. Because you and your bad attitude.

Let's get going then. All right. Eli's bad loser attitude. So you have to go back through the nettles. I'm just not looking forward to walking through the nettles in my short-sleeved shirt. John Nettles.

You stopped doing that. That's not a joke. Just someone who has the name that is a word. That's not a joke. Just someone who has the name that is a word. That's not a joke. But it is funny, isn't it? It's not. John Nettles.

I said John Nettles and it was funny. Why are you laughing? I'm laughing because you're so shit. Yeah, John Nettles. I'm laughing at you. John Nettles, Eli. John Nettles. You need to put that in your bag.

No. It's the plate wrappings. God shite. Put it in your bag. John Nettles. You ready to go? Right, here we are. We have left that lovely oasis of calm.

We came back along the towpath. We went right along the Union Canal. We've gone off at West... Where are we? West? West Drayton. West Drayton. Station which has a new bit because it's on the Elizabeth line. Yeah, so it's now been updated to make it contemporary with all the newfangled Elizabethan line demands.

I haven't seen loads of this part of London we've been walking through. In fact, it was all new to me today. It was all new to me today too. Well, that's what I was trying to say at the beginning, isn't it? It's kind of got, it might be quite mundane, but it has a, to me as an individual, it's all new. It's all... And I got 26,000 steps out of it, so that's good for my uh stats or something i don't know what the so here we go we need to buy a ticket do we no we shouldn't we should

shouldn't need to yeah it's one of the tubes so here we are you can tell it's been given a paint job this haven't you can't you yeah yeah yeah all right let's uh get through the bp bits i don't know Reading I'd imagine Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Oh no Shenfield Abbey Wood

Abbey Wood Sorry I wasn't Paying attention to myself Hang on So I can go to I can go to Paddington and then change there. So I can get that to Paddington with you. Yeah.

And I'll go all the way to Tottenham Court Road and get a bus, I guess. Where else could you go? I guess that is it. No, that's as far because you get really far east quickly there, don't you, after Tottenham Court Road? OK, well, either way, I'm going to... Bond Street's of no use. Either way. Bond Street's sort of... Let's do the lift.

There's no Met... Oh, no, it goes to Farringdon. I could go to Farringdon and then get the Met line. Yeah, come to Farringdon and get the Met line. Well, that's... Shall we go up? Which way are we going? Platforms 4 and 5.

Are you lazy shit? I just want to see it. You want to just see a lift? I like the infrastructure. It's stationed. All right. Well, it's exciting. We've suddenly become a spin-off Elizabeth Line pod, where every week Paul and Eli go on the Elizabeth Line and this we randomly get on and get off somewhere.

We've got a lift diagram. Right, so where are we going to? Wow, there's lots of levels. So four and five. Which one's this? This is D. So we get this to the upper level. Oh, fuck this. I should have just got the steps. No.

This is shit. You're shit. Oh, God, you suck. Listen. Drop it. Like it's hot. Don't... Why... Endlessly. Drop it like it's hot. It's nasty to me. I'm going to die one why, endlessly. Drop it like it's hot. It's a bit... It's nasty to me.

I'm going to die one day, Paul. And then what? Then you'll be like, oh, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't go that far. Shut up. I'd be sad, but I'm not apologising to you for anything. I'm sorry I saved your wreck, ruined career. How about that? I saved you. It did not. Upper level. about that? I saved you. It did not.

Upper level. Turn that thing off. No. It's been the worst day of my life. Eli, I will apologise for using salty language to you over the course of today, but you get up and that's it. Well how? What do I do? Because you're offish.

Well there you go. Stop leaning on that and exploiting it. You said offish, I was making a joke. You're making a punny joke. I don't think it's funny. Oh, this is a nice new station. Platform four and five down these steps. Oh, look at the sign over Drayton. Oh, the yard arm. I wonder if this is a real place, West Drayton. No, it is. No, but it's a real station. Isn't Drayton Manor Park or something around here? Yeah, this is it, four and five. It's this one. Right, well, we're just going to wait for the Elizabethan line to come and take us.

It's not the Elizabethan line, you fucking idiots. The Elizabethan line to take us home. That's the journey we'll be taking today. When is this train? On time, it's all it says. On time. Elizabeth line. Elizabethan line.

It's first, 20 o'clock it's going to be 10 minutes mate so no not too bad so listen keep show familiar

thank you for listening to this week's episode we have finally closed keep show familiar like a

magical cat yes a witch's magical cat the keep show familiar yes like a little weas show let me finish a magic do you want this episode to finish because i can go on forever this can be an eternal podcast we just broadcast live all day i wish magic weasel was listening to us paul sometimes i wish bonk

bonk the horny car was instead listen look this is it we've completed the saladine route we have crossed that off our list it no longer we smashed it we smashed the end of the saladine we did it got on the back end of the saladine smashed it up got it nice and wet and smashed it ass no we were wet last last time my hems we've got to get them wet first don't the hems the hems of my trousers got wet last time we did it but unfortunately this week it's a bit dry wasn't it it's very dry nice and dry there was only one slightly muddy spot uh the weather we talk about fannies or the podcast now i'm never talking about fanny i'm never talking about the podcast can we wrap this up we have completed you'll keep interrupting me with shit though

stop it shut up then right can i say goodbye properly no you can't properly can you obviously not thecheapshow.co.uk go to that website for everything you need if you want to follow us on insta or on social media or see some videos or find episode guides to each episode it's all there thecheapshow.co.uk um patreon if you'd like to support us and you're able to do so patreon.com forward slash cheap show uh at the cheap show pod is our twitter account mine Mine is at Paul Gannon show. Follow us. Have a chat there. And Eli's is?

Eli Snoyd. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. I-D. And that's it. Oh. Slap. When this comes out on Friday,

this episode, that means this time next week it's your Envision. Yes. Your Envision live on YouTube. Look for Cheap Show there'll be details

on our website and on social media Facebook all that kind of stuff we're doing it live we've got some very special guests Your Envision the musical night of the year

come and join us for ten very unusual tracks ten judges and a night of comedy with some of your favourite people like Mr Biffo and Sanya, and some special surprise guests and appearances.

So join us for that next Friday, live. So you can listen to next week's episode, and then wait around until the evening. I think we're doing it at 8 o'clock, we said, didn't we? 8 o'clock live on YouTube. That's it. So, yeah. Join us next week for that.

Tell your friends. Your InVision. GMT. Yeah. 8 o'clock GMT. That's next week for that. Tell your friends. You're in vision. GMT. Yeah? 8 o'clock GMT. That's the one. Right. Let's chill. We've had a good day, good walk, good games, good times, good fun, good friends. You've really drawn this out further than it needs to be extended. A bit like?

An anus, after you've ravaged it. That wasn't what I was going to say. I was going to say like a penis or something you know like draw it out oh yeah but like it doesn't matter could have done that but it doesn't matter now we've lost the opportunity

to end this podcast successfully so let's say goodbye as this train leaves let's leave the leaving of this train Maidenhead that's on too yeah next stop Ivor say goodbye Elizabeth Train

say goodbye say goodbye to the Elizabethan Line train goodbye Elizabethan Line train and goodbye Cheap Show Familiar. I hope you're a magic weasel! Parakeets.