CheapShow - Ep 336: Urinevision 2023

Starting point is 00:00:00 🎵 ¶¶ Sous-titrage ST' 501 Hello and good evening, or welcome to your revision. It's ringing, I'm singing, let's have a party tonight. We've got the hits, some good, some shit, with a little bit of mystery. We need the votes, of course we don't, but we need your lovely company. We're loving your company. Come and join us for your invasion. It's thrilling. Oh, we're singing. Let's have a party tonight.

Starting point is 00:02:03 Oh baby, I got you. So is it my bit now mate? No you're not doing it this year mate. Because you're shit so fuck off. I'm singing. I could do a little dance or something. No. No one wants to watch you with your shit. Go off. You're not singing it this year.

Starting point is 00:02:19 No this is shit. This is my big moment. Go away. I've been practicing this for at least a minute before we go. No, no, we're not doing that. What's in that, everybody? No, no, no, we're gonna do the big bit. What's in that, everybody? No one wants to know about the thing.

Starting point is 00:02:33 Piss off, I'll let you finish the song. No, come on, I'll do this, do innit? In the back then. In innit, some good and some shit. Stand in the back. Oh, let's go. Let's listen to the audio. Which way's it gonna go?

Starting point is 00:02:53 It's the Eurovision. What's the Eurovision? It's Eurovision tonight. Thank you, thank you. Yes, thank you very much. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. This is your Envision 2023. I am Paul Gannon.

Starting point is 00:03:13 Oh, God, it's not good every time. It's all I do. The last thing I do is sing my fucking name. Say no! Say fucking no! Sing a little song now. Do it then. I'm just saying, all I wanted to say, little sizzler. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:26 I've got something in here. And if it gets a bit dry, the competition, because it's a long night. It's a long night. If it gets a bit dry, it might be something. What does that mean? It might be a little something to. Can I have a peek?

Starting point is 00:03:40 No, no, no. This is important stuff. Quiet. Come to you in a minute. We're going to do a game in a minute. Shut up. So this is your Envision 2023. We had to take last year off because of episode 300, which was a great success. And thank you all for coming out to that as well. So we've decided to bring you the gift of Eurovision one more year. How are you feeling about it tonight?

Starting point is 00:04:03 I'm feeling good. Good, strong set of songs we've got. Great unit call, a great line up. And I think technical hitches have been rife in years previous but we've really got it sorted this time. Like I say if it does get dry at all, what might be in here? What might it be? What might it be what could it be begins with s so yeah great songs this year yeah so we had a load of songs come in we had to whittle them down to 10. 10 we got and we're going to present those 10 songs tonight in no particular order just as we fancy it and then we have ten fantastic judges giving us their votes throughout the night live I guess on satellite and they'll be ranking them we've got our boards here pens to go

Starting point is 00:04:56 we're all set I'm set for all night. Have you got me a sharpie? Yeah look I've got you a nice one as well. Is it? You can sniff that. There's nothing. There's nothing. They've ruined it. Yeah, look I've got you a nice one as well There's nothing there's nothing Ruined it bring back the sharpie you could get high on I like the almond ones mark almond I've made it one just now. So what else do we need to mention then at the top of the show? Nuts butter. Nuts butter. So apparently nothing then. Well we need to tell them about Expert's Corner.

Starting point is 00:05:33 We're going to do that now but I wanted to make sure before we got there was there any other business we had to mention? No that's it. No. Right. It's a song competition. We haven't watched it before. We've had songs that have been sent in.

Starting point is 00:05:43 By our listening public. It's all original, totally original numbers. No cover versions. No remixes. No dubstep 12-inch master mix. Some of it is dance. We've got a wide range of genres that I think everyone's going to enjoy in their homes this evening. I agree. It's a nice variety and we've made some very, very special pop videos to go along with these songs tonight. You haven't made them. We made. You haven't made them. We outsourced to a gentleman who I will come to in a minute who made these pop videos but they were my idea. What the fuck or what you had the idea to invent pop videos? You're not on camera yet so shut up. I can shout from off camera. I could just get you to go.

Starting point is 00:06:26 I mean I was in a lot of them. I mean you needed. Anyway we've got pop videos and then we've got judges who are going to be leaving their votes. And we'll be telling them that's the plan. We're very excited. But we're not doing this alone tonight are we? No we're not Paul. No I'm Eli Silverman. Oh come on, come on.

Starting point is 00:06:45 I can see in your eyes, you're about to lose your shit. I'm not about to lose anything. I can see it. I'm fine. Are you still hot in that coat? Because I'm hot in this. It's a bit hot now, it's fine. It's always nice to get hot, scratchy, get your shirt sleeves rolled up and get into

Starting point is 00:06:59 the muck and the grubbage of another piss themed show of music. Can we do, come on. Oh, that's what we can tell them about. Later in the video, in this, later in this live stream, we're going to be showing you a video of how to make your very own special, your envisioned cocktail. What will they need?

Starting point is 00:07:17 They will need, don't do this to me now. They will need to- I'm sorry, did I ask you to be professional for a moment? That was my mistake. I'll take it back. Fuck him. Some toilet paper, some chocolate to crumble in a pestle and mortar, gin, lemon juice, what was this, syrup? It was like a... Melon? Melon. Melon syrup.

Starting point is 00:07:39 Grapefruit. No, it was grapefruit. Grapefruit. Syrup, grapefruit soda, and And also if you can find some really nasty cheap sort of blue fluorescent sherbet. Yeah, like a can of a dip dab or something. A dip dab. You know what I mean, don't you? A dip dab. You know what a dip dab is, don't you? A dip dab. A blue razz, ideally, to give you...

Starting point is 00:07:57 Well, it'll be explained in the video later in the show. Can I just update the things I have in a moment? Blue razz, muller corners and now ranchressing, everybody. Wait, I thought you were going to talk about Garlic Mayo again. Well, Garlic Mayo hasn't been around as long as people think. No, Tewksbury Starburger

Starting point is 00:08:15 sold it back in the 90s. Yeah, I don't want to hear about Tewksbury fucking Starburger. That's anecdotal. Unless that's a euphemism. Oh, I've got my wife... I took her right up the Tewksbury Starburger. Well done, Paul. That's anecdotal and bullshit. Oh, that's a jiffamism? I've got my wife and... I took her right up the Tuesday Starbucks. Well done, Paul.

Starting point is 00:08:30 You said it, I didn't get a chance to. You can't take it out of my mouth and then tell me off for it. Right, so we're going to go over now. We're not doing this alone tonight. We've got two experts, two guests who we have booked tonight to be here and give us facts and fancies about the judges

Starting point is 00:08:48 and the songs that are gonna be seen tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, from Digitizer itself, Mr. Biffo and Sanya. Round of applause. How are things with you? All right. It's our anniversary. Oh, it's their anniversary.

Starting point is 00:09:04 It's their anniversary, boys, it's their anniversary boys and girls. We just met, married. We went to Lidl before coming here and we bought four bottles of Prosecco. This one was 5.99. This one was 6.99. Oh, different, you went for- That one's organic.

Starting point is 00:09:17 Is it better? I don't know yet. You don't know yet, it doesn't matter, does it? You can't really tell. No, it doesn't really matter. I'm a little bit tiddly. Are you already tiddly already? Yeah, we're only two bottles in. What anniversary number is it?

Starting point is 00:09:29 Five years. Do you want to tell them what you've been saying every time I've mentioned it's our fifth wedding anniversary? She gives it six. Only five years legally wed, but we have been together a lot longer than that. Oh. So I just want that to be noted.

Starting point is 00:09:42 I don't know if she's saying that as a negative thing. No, I want credit where credit's due. I don't know if she's saying that is a negative thing. I want credit where credit's due. It's like we have survived longer than five years. Yeah, it's not just a five year relationship. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah, but how healthy is a relationship when one of them says we've survived five years? Everything's

Starting point is 00:10:00 survival. Everything. Everything's survival. Is it? Why are you marching around like a despot? Every day is survival. Why are you marching around like a deathbot? Every day is survival. Why are you marching around like some kind of, I don't know, angry headmaster or something? Your hands behind your back. What's all this? What's all this new pose?

Starting point is 00:10:13 I don't understand. I do not understand what all this negative energy. What's all this? This is the expert corner. Where do you live, sir? I would like to take that, your particulars. Where do you fucking live? What's my favorite Mews are Irish thank you and they're all the police guys we know What does a Say to his belly. What? You're under a bed. Yeah, it's a good one.

Starting point is 00:10:45 Good one, Matt. What does a... No, I'm not going to do that. I've got another one. Yeah? What do you get if you call 666? I don't know. The devil. The devil.

Starting point is 00:10:58 You might. I don't know what I'm doing. Can you stop marching around the room? I'm trying to give people some visual excitement because they're not getting it from that shirt, are they? Ooh. Can we comment on my shirt? Let's comment on your shirt.

Starting point is 00:11:13 It's very nice. I bought this for Digi Live. You can see it in person in the summer. Yeah, tell them about Digi Live. Do that now. July 28th and 29th, Paul and Eli will be there. So will someone else who hasn't been introduced yet. Yeah, there's also links on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk.

Starting point is 00:11:26 Links on Cheap Show's website to buy tickets, if you like seeing us stick around together. We'll get Eli to march around with his hands behind his back like a dictator. Before the show. Hang on. There are two things we need to get out of the way before we get into this show, so let's just do this now. One is... Ethernet cable, Ethernet cable, Ethernet cable. It's a requirement to stream.

Starting point is 00:11:49 It's a requirement to stream. It's a requirement to stream. Stream. Stream. All right, it is. Ethernet cable. You ruined that now. You completely absorbed all the energy.

Starting point is 00:12:02 I would like some, I would like some repertoire. I'm sorry, the repertoire. some, I would like some repertoire. I'm sorry. Repetar. Ew, I would like some repertoire. I would like some repertoire. Hercule Pryor. What are the experts going to do? Well, if you stop fucking interrupting them. Alright, I'm sorry for pulling focus.

Starting point is 00:12:19 It's distracting. I'm going to sit here. You do. It's better in camera. Finish with the expert chat and then let's get Ethan on. Shall we come over there because... Alright, come on over here then. Cutting back and forth.

Starting point is 00:12:31 Come out of my bummer. We'll do a proper interview. That's nice. Those chairs are uncomfortable. There's a bum shake on the chair. Oh yeah, it's nice. That's a bum shake. There are some serious bum shakes.

Starting point is 00:12:43 We won't stay here, don't worry. We won't steal your spotlight. It's not about the spotlight. Do we get to march around? Yes, you will. That's like the Groucho Marx convention. Do you wanna join in, Ethan? You're begging to. Come on, come on.

Starting point is 00:13:03 Come on then. Let's all be what, Groucho Marx? Guys, right, well we've had a lot of fun, so let's go to the end. What now? I was going to do an interview bit, I was going to talk about all the shit. All the shit? So, you're a urine vision expert, aren't you? Yes. What kind of facts would you two be bringing?

Starting point is 00:13:28 Facts about the songs Facts about the songs and also possibly facts about the artists Oh that's good to know I haven't got any facts about the artists I may Oh well at least someone does here And that's exciting and I can't wait to hear them Were there any surprises?

Starting point is 00:13:45 Yes What do you mean? does here and that's exciting and I can't wait to hear them. Were there any surprises? Yes. What do you mean? Did you find a surprising fact out about bubbly bum tits? We've got a lot of facts about tits. Can I just make it clear there's no song by bubbly bum tits. Next year, next year, get writing now bubbly bum tits. Bubbly bum tits. Bubbly bubbly bubbly bubbly bum tits. Yesbly, bubbly, bubbly, bubbly bum tits.

Starting point is 00:14:05 Yes. I was just saying, were there any interesting, surprising facts that you came across? Yeah, there was actually. I do have some surprising facts about pirates. Oh, that's good. Yeah. About hot sauce.

Starting point is 00:14:16 I didn't get any facts about pirates. Why not? I did get some about plums. Oh, I didn't think you'd get. Ooh, pirates and plums? What could that be a reference to? P and P. P and P.

Starting point is 00:14:30 Well, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. We'll go and sit down. No, no, we won't go anywhere. Tell us about how the G-Series 2's going. Oh, well, it's a bit of a story really. Well, I've been there. It seems to be all going well.

Starting point is 00:14:43 Yeah, yes, but we had this big finale plan with like a biplane um yeah but that was always going to be too big i know but we had raised enough money or so i thought and then i mean sandy was doing the finance and then i kind of checked the account yeah but you said you were going to help me with the fire tax. I know, but I'm not really good with that sort of thing. It wasn't all on me. Well, it was. So what I'm saying is you... I went to pay for the biplane.

Starting point is 00:15:10 Right. And then the account was in the red. I don't know why that happened. Yeah, all the money that we raised on Kickstarter for Digi Level 2. Yeah. That's quite big. I know, I feel really bad. Well, look, I'm sure...

Starting point is 00:15:23 I mean, I didn't really want to talk about it. You know mean, so we're not sorry anyone who's looking forward to that. It's just going to be a bog-standard show about video games. You know what, I'm sure no matter what happens, there'll be a case. Yeah, but it'll be fine. It'll be a great show with or without biplanes, right? Don't you worry about that. We could get paper planes. We could do like giant paper planes. I don't think you can do wing walking on a paper plane. Well, yeah, we could do a wing.

Starting point is 00:15:46 If you get it mashed up enough. Like a big ball. Well, then you get it wet, fashion it into a wing. Perhaps you've burnt it. I'm out of this. I'm out of this. Listen.

Starting point is 00:16:02 You know what? Whatever. Go sit down. We've had your thing. Our bum shakes are gone. Thank you, thanks for being the experts. Go replace your bum shakes. Okay. Happy anniversary. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:16:12 Sanya and Mr. Biffa there are experts throughout the night. But again, also, Mr. Biffa will also be one of our illustrious judges and he'll be passing his own scores towards the end of the voting tonight as well. But he's not alone, because we've got... I'm excited about this. We've got a very, very big get for tonight. So we wanted to get a huge... Well, for us, a huge celebrity for Cheap Show

Starting point is 00:16:34 to do the voting tonight. So with a little bit of finagling, a little bit of backroom... Backroom... Backroom finagling. Backroom finagling. Just a up. We've secured someone very special tonight.

Starting point is 00:16:48 You may have seen him in things such as, I don't know. I don't know. What have you seen him in? He's gonna be in horrible histories later in the year. I presume, I don't know. He's also in, can I not mention that? I don't know. Yeah, you can.

Starting point is 00:17:00 You've done no prep. Bad education. Just get in on you fucking. Afterlife, that one, not the Ghostbusters one. He was in the other one that was on the sky. And also he was in that Magic Mike one recently as well, which is quite good. So we're very excited.

Starting point is 00:17:14 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our huge, big celebrity guest judge tonight. It is only Ethan Lawrence. Bring him on. Come into the centre. Oh, I've got a bad standing there. Oh, that's nice. Oh, I've got bad standing there. Oh, I've got...

Starting point is 00:17:26 Oh, no! Oh, no! All right, again! All right, again! Come over there. I want to make it clear that, like, the backroom fumblings, that wasn't... There's nothing untoward. No, no, I just meant, you know, like, dealings, just like stuff like that.

Starting point is 00:17:38 Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to make sure that no-one thought it was, like, bum stuff or anything like that. No, I didn't think no-one suggested it was going to be bum stuff. You had a glint in your eye. Fuck, it's like working with him. What do you mean? It's all Bumstuff, Bumstuff, Bumstuff. It's not all Bumstuff.

Starting point is 00:17:49 It is. You're the one who said Backroom Fumblings. Yes. Like a backroom deal, like a kind of... A backroom deal? Oh! Stop turning this into Carry On Your Envision. Hand over the cash in my back alley.

Starting point is 00:18:03 There was a little bit of that, admittedly, yes. But the point is... Spunking readies. Spunking readies. Spewing, I'm trying to... Yeah, join us, carry on. We're just spewing what? Spunk. Spoffing coins. Yeah? Anything else?

Starting point is 00:18:19 Or shooting out a jackpot machine. A jackpot machine. Ethan, welcome to join us for a second. Thank you A jackpot, right. You know, we've tapped out. Ethan, welcome to join us. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. We know you're very busy and it's a pleasure for you to be here tonight. How did you... You've listened to the songs? Yeah, yeah, got my judging ready.

Starting point is 00:18:36 How did you feel about them? Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good this year. You know, I've been a judge before, so obviously I've been with Eurovision since the beginning. So it's a good, good a good cohort this evening I thought. Yeah, no, okay good. So how is life in general?

Starting point is 00:18:50 What have you got planned? What's coming up? Oh, lots of stuff. You mentioned Horrible Histories, that's going to be coming out very soon. It's been a very busy time. It's always feast or famine in this industry but I am feasting well. Good. Well, I mean, you get the Cheap show bump if nothing else, don't you?

Starting point is 00:19:05 Oh, absolutely. Thanks so much. Thanks so much. Everyone's talking about you. Yeah, thank you. It's great. Do you want to, just a small thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:12 This actually is kind of talking show, but did ask for a Grey Goose and you. I told you to get Grey Goose. No, you didn't. You said get the cheapest shit we could possibly get. No, I didn't say get the cheapest shit. I said get what you can. You said get that glens. I didn't say get that. I said get that cheapest shit we can possibly get. No, I didn't say get the cheapest shit. I said get what you can.

Starting point is 00:19:25 You said get that Glens. I didn't say get that. I said get that fucking Glens. It's exciting. It's just £4.99. £4.99. I just thought, you know. That's kind of a big fucking let down.

Starting point is 00:19:37 Mate. Don't. I've got like some mixers. I guess that's what I'll have to do. And look, I know you had a rider and stuff but we couldn't get we couldn't afford in the end we kind of tapped out with your feet um well yeah i mean yeah i mean and thank you for that by the way yeah yeah i understand i mean it's a small scale operation yeah yeah we can't you know we'd like obviously like to pay you more but i think what

Starting point is 00:19:58 we did pay was enough yeah yeah yeah yeah it was all right so uh what was i going to say now you like song think what you're going up in your career what are we talking about no i guess it was just sort of a general introduction yeah yeah the rider that was it we couldn't afford the um uh the the nacho platter you wanted we've got some gummies out the back yeah i mean i really fancied some guac this evening and the lack of guac is... Can you do the delivery or something? I can get guac, yeah. Is that all you want though? Just guacamole? Well, that's the part of the nachos I enjoy the most.

Starting point is 00:20:32 But you don't want the nachos part? Well, I figured you'd do this, so I bought some Doritos along. Oh, okay. Well then we'll keep... Yeah, because I've got to do all my own stuff right now. Because I had to make my own way here. You refuse to lay on the level, so... We're going gonna reimburse you for that so don't yeah okay yeah that's incredible you'll be receiving the look invoice tomorrow can you use he told me that but then he was gonna do the limo can you use that number to deliver it yes it's the same card yeah yeah the same part yes so look

Starting point is 00:21:01 yes we've done our best but thank you you. No, no, you've done, honestly, considering everything that you're up against and, you know, you've cast the Living Crisis guy, you've done really well. Thank you. But, you know. Well, you'll be here, you'll be listening to the tracks again, you'll be judging and you'll be giving your scores.

Starting point is 00:21:16 At the top of the night, you'll be our star judge scoring man. Well, we're looking forward to that. And we'll be popping back to you throughout the show, see what you think of the songs you've seen so far. Absolutely, yeah. Get a little bit of a catch up on how you're feeling forward to that. And we'll be popping back to you throughout the show. See what you think of the songs you've seen so far. Get a little bit of a catch up on how you're feeling things are going. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is a kind of used a slightly more comfy chair, but it's fine. It's good.

Starting point is 00:21:32 I mean, it's what's all I've got here. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. And you said you get your agents watching this tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I mean, that's one of them. Yeah, I know. I know. I've I've held up my end of the bargain,

Starting point is 00:21:46 and you held up 4.99, Glens. So if I check the chat room, your agent will be in there? Well, he might not be active in the chat. Might watch it back later. No, he'll be watching, but he's not gonna be active in the chat. He's not gonna try and derail the... Anyway, thank you.

Starting point is 00:22:04 You were just gonna tell me to go. I wasn't, yeah. Go, just go, get out of here. Go over just going to tell me to go. Go, get out of here. Go over there. Have a good fucking show. We've got some little Prosecco if you want. Nah, I'm fine. So, thank you, Ethan, for joining us tonight. You're welcome!

Starting point is 00:22:21 It's an exciting... Ethan Net Cable! Ethan Net Cable! Ethan Net Cable! Ethan Net Cable! He's on our stream! He's on our stream! He's on our stream! And he's Ethan Net Cable!

Starting point is 00:22:36 He's on our stream! I just wanted to see where that was going to go. It didn't go far but it was all very Jagger-like, wasn't it? You've got those moves like Jagger, haven't you? No! So hang on, if that's Groucho it was all very Jagger-like, wasn't it? You've got those moves like Jagger, haven't you? So hang on, if that's Groucho Marx, is this Jagger? And then together it's Tina Turner, isn't it? Oh, too soon!

Starting point is 00:22:56 What do you mean, how is it too soon to celebrate a woman's dance moves? She's a fucking legend of music. Jesus, Paul. Just saying she's a little bit Jagger, a little bit... She's her own thing! I didn't like that Paul, I didn't like that For fuck sake mate! It's disrespectful. It's not disrespectful! She's my favourite singer

Starting point is 00:23:14 Now what do I do? It's really awkward Well, I know... Should I do the thing with the suitcase? Why has it gotten dry already? It has! I think emergency suitcase is... Has it gotten that dry that we have to get your secret suitcase out? I wanna start... When are we gonna do the songs? I don't know what we're doing! What do you mean? I gave you a fucking script!

Starting point is 00:23:34 It's in there! We talked about it outside! No! You've got one here! I know where we are on the show, but you seem upset with your little heart on your little suitcase. So fucking show us your little sauce suitcase and then we can start the show without the fucking spectre of that looming over the next two hours of this fucking shit show. I think you should save it for the ground now. I think you should shut up. I'm gonna save it. At this point, you are just getting to the point where it's like I'm hearing enough.

Starting point is 00:23:58 That seems a bit rude. I've been invited to be here. I have a right. I have my rights. What do you want to do with the fucking sauce suitcase? I'll do it later when it's dry. Now it's red hot at the moment. It's got a little bit sticky. Right.

Starting point is 00:24:10 I think what we're going to do. We did this last in 2021. And in 2021, we whittled those 10 songs, those 13 songs then, down to one. And that winner, we're going to play you now. So we're going to play last year's winner to get the music flowing in the show. Start the night off. This is Lee Spence with nostalgia's gonna get you taking away

Starting point is 00:24:30 i need that good time feeling just like back in the day when the real problems of the world were kept far away i can wallow in my childhood games and pop music sounds all the films that i was too young for the first time around if ontology is your pathology then nostalgia's gonna get you nostalgia's gonna get you My local shopping centre is where I want to be Though they whitewashed the pastel decor back in 93 That fake shop once sold games on tape for my Spectrum Plus And the discount supermarket used to be Toys R Us If your kind of place is a liminal space

Starting point is 00:25:23 Then nostalgia's gonna get you Nostalgia's gonna get you, nostalgia's gonna get you The man from the Prue, still alive Atlantic 252, still alive The Polaris subs, still alive The Burger King kids club, still alive The Naked Gun, still alive Pebble Mill in one, still alive Quattro Soda gun still alive pebble milling one still alive quattro soda still alive derrida still alive finders crispy pancake still alive the rhythm of the nightly news makes me think that i've

Starting point is 00:25:58 been living in the alternate 1985 tomorrow's world is cancelled so please don't have a cow the greatest hits of yesteryear will do for you now don't take a stand till you reach for that landfill nostalgia's gonna get you nostalgia's gonna get you Oh, that was a strong winner. It was a popular choice. It got the judges salivating with joy. Is that it? Is that all you're going to do? Good stuff.

Starting point is 00:26:42 So let us finally, with no further ado, get your revision going. Let's get this going. The song's on the thing. Let's get these songs going. Shut up. Shut up. Yeah, no, it's good. This is all good stuff. Good. Good material. Right, so we have ten tracks for you tonight. We're going to announce them track by track. Track by track. If you'd listened to episode 335 released earlier today, we did announce all 10 tracks there.

Starting point is 00:27:10 All 10 tracks earlier. If that's you, you submitted the track, you're part of these 10 tonight. Well done, you. There are no losers tonight. You're all winners. All winners. Apart from the one who wins at the end.

Starting point is 00:27:21 Super winner. That's the super winner, basically. Whoever that is, is the super winner wins at the end. Super winner. That's the super winner, basically. Whoever that is is the super winner. Right, okay. Our first track, and we're also gonna get a little fact beforehand before we go to the track as well. Okay, so. The fact before?

Starting point is 00:27:35 Yeah, that makes sense. Fact. Track. Track. Back to chat. Back to chat. Fact. Fact. Track. Chat. Fact. Track. Chat. Fact. Track. Back to track. Yeah. FACT TRACK FACT TRACK FACT TRACK

Starting point is 00:27:45 FACT TRACK FAT WACK CHECK A CARD FAT WACK Stop just speaking out You're pushing me I'm not pushing you to say the words fat wank You were

Starting point is 00:28:01 At no point do I infer that you want to do a fat wank You so were The repetition FAT TRACK WANK fat wanker. You were then. At no point might you infer that you want to do a fat wanker. No, you so were. What is it about? The repetition, fat, track, wank, happy. It's not like it's not sound like track or chat or fat. Back to chat. Right, the first track today.

Starting point is 00:28:16 Let's get this Eurovision started. It is LJ Goody and Runaway, Mr. Biff Osanya. What facts do you have about this particular artist? You changed the order. Yes, I told you beforehand. Yeah, I know, but you didn't tell me what the new order was. No, that's just not for me to say, is it?

Starting point is 00:28:31 I wrote Assault Reveal's Rock Stomp. Run Away? Yes. Yeah, by LJ Goody. Why interrupt me and go, are you talking about the right one? I'm a professional. All right, I just thought you didn't look prepared.

Starting point is 00:28:45 That was all. I am prepared. Oh yeah? Runaways, a sultry blues rock stomp that's a mix in excess style harmonica. Would you have anything to say about the song? I have a fact. I have a fact about Runaways.

Starting point is 00:29:01 Apparently, according to Wikipedia, there are 57 films about runaways here they go the 400 bows American honey 57 we don't need to do 57 Amityville Playhouse Amityville Playhouse how does that got to do with runaways

Starting point is 00:29:17 they get even that bad we're not going to do one you gave the idea I have a fact about the harmonica itself oh which features in this song and it was invented by a man called Bushman Bushman Bushman Bushman Bushman Bushman Bushman We're not going to do that. I have a fact about the harmonica itself. Oh!

Starting point is 00:29:26 It features in this song and it was invented by a man called Bushman. Sounds legit! Who he was? Mr Bushman or Bushman? Christian Frederick Friedrich. Ludwig Bushman. Mr Bushman? Well I imagine it was Hair Bushman. Mr Bushman. Well I imagine it was Hair Bushman.

Starting point is 00:29:55 That's my fact. That's a good fact. Alright, well then, if that's all you've got for us, let's go to the track. Ladies and gentlemen, your first track of the night, Runaway LJ Goody. We'll be right back. I'm coming to you now, baby I've been driving all night Gonna take you out and show you a good time. Damn right. Where we go and what we do. No one else needs to know. Cause I'm your dirty little secret and dirty little promises that we owe.

Starting point is 00:31:22 And no one else can do me quite like you do Yeah, I'm on the floor begging and I'm begging for you I look in your eyes It ain't no surprise that I need you So let's run away through the night and the day We could run forever Cause it don't matter to me As long as that I see that we are together Oh, well done, LJ Goody.

Starting point is 00:32:22 There we go, LJ Goody. That's a Strong thing. So, Ethan, quick reaction. What did you think about that? How did you feel? You don't really need to drink all that right now. I'm going to pace myself. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Fine. Just to tell you how I do.

Starting point is 00:32:38 I thought it was good. Yeah. You've got no... like anything is like... Cut to expert's corner. I'm not the expert. But I want your opinions of what we're fucking doing, don't we? So we get some fucking use out of you. I said it was good. And it is. Fine, it's good.

Starting point is 00:32:58 Can you at least for the next songs do more than like... Yeah, right, okay. I'll tell you, I'll ream something off. It'll be amazing. Do you want some gin in there with the... Yeah, please, thank you.'ll tell you, I'll ream something up. It'll be amazing. Do you want some gin in there with the... Yeah, please, thank you. Mate. Don't, don't!

Starting point is 00:33:09 Eli, watch out for the Titanic. Eli, what is it? I'm not making a drink! I'm making a drink! It's not ice, look at that, that's not ice. It's a love heart shape. It is, it's an ice heart. Oh, here's why. Happy Valentine's Day.

Starting point is 00:33:22 Alright. I said it on, it's my anniversary. It's not my All right. I said it on. It's my anniversary. It's June 2nd. Right. You're going to melt that icy heart, aren't you, Eli? I'm just waiting for it to mix down. Right, OK, while you're doing that, let's go on to the next track.

Starting point is 00:33:39 We have nine more. The next one is called Fire Inside by Mr. Segal. What have you got on Mr. Siegel the fire inside no rush just when you get there tell me when you've got addressing song sound like the vocals were a bit auto tuned I'll be honest sorry but barely he's trying to go out he's too busy fucking fucking about with his fucking stupid fucking waddle of a fucking existence so guys i don't know about you saying it but i have some facts about seagulls me too what are yours all right so my facts about seagulls are seagulls can drink both fresh and salty water most animals are unable to do this but seagulls

Starting point is 00:34:20 have a special pair of glands oh you've got the same thing as me Seagulls have a special pair of glands right above their eyes which is specifically designed Is there really good science? It flushes the salt from their systems through the openings in the build Fucking hell I have another fact about seagulls They have a lifespan of between 15 and 25 years But I wish now I'd done some facts about Steven Seagulls that they have a lifespan of between 15 and 25 years but i wish now i've done some facts about steven seagull do you know anything about him he's really good at martial arts with kim john is he maybe he is with putin he's a big fan but he's a horrible horrible human

Starting point is 00:34:57 being yeah he's hanging out with putin all the time oh no before before we started We spent an hour trying to come up with puns to do with dictators. Who was King John? We had Bussellini. Yeah, we had Bussellini. Bussellini, which is a new show coming out soon. We had Nicolae Carcescu. Nicolae Carcescu. Nicolae Carcescu. King John Trainwern.

Starting point is 00:35:28 No, no, it was King John Unicycle. That's it. Fidel Cartro. Fidel Cartro, that was it. And who was the Tok Tok? Or the Pop Pop? I'm glad we all managed to get this out of our system. We did worry that the entire stream would be dominated by the dictator.

Starting point is 00:35:47 If you can think of any good dictator puns, please put them below. What about what you put in your car? Castro? Actually, Eli. We did have a Pol Pot one, but oh, Helipop. Helipop. I donop. Helipop. I don't know if that works to be honest. Pol Pot's face with a big H on it. Anyway, that's the humour out of the way this evening.

Starting point is 00:36:12 Let's go, let's just play the song, right? Let's just play the second track, Fire Away, Mr. Segal. Once upon a stage I stood tall and proud Dreams of fame and applause from the crowd But the curtain fell and the lights went dim Yet I found solace in music, a new life to begin Holy night spinning records, the beat set me free A world of ruin where I could truly be me but now they've taken my all my music my heart torn array the pieces that kept me

Starting point is 00:36:51 from falling apart I came home to emptiness and despair the space once filled with music now just cold and bare the faith in the night stole more than just sound but the essence of my life where my passion was found. In my darkest hour I wept and I cried, Searching for answers for a reason to try. Through the pain and sorrow I saw a glimmer of hope, A faint echo of music, the strength to go on. Oh I run the streets with a burdened chest.

Starting point is 00:37:28 Seeking comfort in faces, a chance to feel blessed. As I move along, I sense the guiding beam. A call to action to regain my stolen dream. A late night spinning record, the beat set me free. A world away from where I can truly be me But now they've taken my soul, my music, my heart Torn away the pieces that kept me from falling apart Oh in the silence I'll rise with a fire inside

Starting point is 00:37:56 For no one can steal the passion that won't be denied A journey of redemption to reclaim what was lost A sympathy of resilience no matter the cost I'll chase the echoes of the music once played With every note found my spirit remained Oh Norman I'll rise with a fire inside My heart a record playing my life's ride Whoa, well done, Mr. Seagull. Well done, Seagull. Mr. Seagull, two tracks down, eight to go. So we're going to go straight to the next one after we get our thoughts and feelings

Starting point is 00:38:35 from Ethan, our star. It was quite melancholy, that one, I thought. Oh, man. Like, how do you feel? It put me in a mood. Did you find it maybe was a bit too, I don't know, down, a bit kind of sad? Well, I'm not gonna reveal too much yet because obviously my judging's gonna come in later,

Starting point is 00:38:48 but you'll see that. Sorry, how much are you drinking? Are you drinking Prosecco now? Yeah. Happy anniversary. Thank you. Happy anniversary. It's an anniversary.

Starting point is 00:38:58 Happy anniversary. Thank you. Hold that for a second. Why is everyone drinking? We have a show to worry about. It's a party. It's a party. It's not a party. It's not a party. It to worry about. It's a party!

Starting point is 00:39:05 It's not a party! It's an anniversary poll! Five years! What material is that? Wood! They've got wood! Wood poll! It's a Vietnamese energy drink.

Starting point is 00:39:21 What are you doing? Can't I save this for later? Listen, with your attitude you drive people to drink. What are you doing? Sting. Can't I save this for later? Gin Sting. No, I've got... Listen, with your attitude, you drive people to drink. Do it there. I've got a show to fucking do, mate. Well, do the show then. Right, next one.

Starting point is 00:39:32 We're doing the third track we're doing today. It's Psycho Billy by Triple Drop International. What have you got for us on those? Well, I'd describe this as dark biker rock with nick cave-esque vocals does that sound good uh it's the sort of song you can fuck to and it deals with the ultimate taboo cannibalism have you got any facts on cannabis yeah i thought i would have they're not very good facts Cannibalism refers to the act of consuming the flesh of internal organs of the same species.

Starting point is 00:40:08 So internal only? So if I ate your skin, then you're a cannibal? No, flesh and internal organs. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, then I went down a rabbit hole with auto-cannibalism. Yeah, if you bite your nails, is that cannibalism? Well, I've wanted this my entire life. If I ate my own hand, is that illegal?

Starting point is 00:40:23 Hand, yeah. I mean, I've had scabs. Is it illegal? I've had scabs off? I mean, I've had scabs. Is that illegal? I've had scabs off me. Yeah, I've had scabs. Sorry. What about if you eat your own boogers? Well, I smoked my own boogers after a night on the Charlie

Starting point is 00:40:34 because, you know, it dries out and then there's still cocaine left in the snot. Do you eat anything of yourself off your body? Great interview question. Don't get that question. Sorry, guys. You're eating things off your body. Great interview question. Don't get that question. It's really uncomfortable. You destroyed the chair. It's a new drink everyone. Oh it's a curfew. A sting, I call it a gin sting.

Starting point is 00:40:48 That's right. While he's doing that, we're going to go to the third track. Please play Psycho Billy by Triple Drop International. I'm gonna have to kill you all First I'll drill into your brain To make sure that I'm quite insane Then I'll start to chop you up Drinking your blood from paper cups Pull your teeth, suck out your eyes Time to chop you up, drinking your blood from paper cups.

Starting point is 00:42:07 Pull your teeth, suck out your eyes. Cut fresh steaks from off your thighs. Boil your brain and serve your tongue With Brussels sprouts and deep fried lung Pull your entrails through your nose And hang them out upon flag poles We'll be right back. Grill your fingers and your thumbs To desiccated leather crumbs Bleach your liver and your heart And all the other tasty parts How did you feel about that one? I liked it, I liked it. But you know, you've sort of given me different mixed messages here,

Starting point is 00:44:05 because you want me to say what I think about it, but also you want me to hold it back for the judging, so it's sort of a bit- No, you can give a little bit of a titbit. I feel like I'm compromised. No, you can give a titbit, can't you? A titbit? Also, you don't need to have that one.

Starting point is 00:44:17 Just let him have it. Why is everyone drinking but me? You can drink, you've got a Desperado. Yeah, but I'm doing it off camera like a fucking gentleman gentle I'm drinking responsibly I'm the guest I like the song. All right. Thank you. You like the song. I like the song He liked the song good, all right, thank you. Are you gonna ask me? What did you think? I like this song as well. Thank you. Oh, you can ask me. What did you think? I liked the song as well. Thank you. What about us? We liked the song. I'm not allowed to say it, because I'm a judge.

Starting point is 00:44:49 Ethan's a judge. Yeah, but I... See, the rules aren't clear. I was looking up for the next songs and facts about anal sex. Well, in that case, let's get to that one then, because our next song, track four, is called Come Round Here by Reefide Anal.

Starting point is 00:45:03 Boom. Is that it? Is that literally it boom you know what you've got a lot of confidence for a man who should have none well that's that's where the magic lies no what it looks like is your little party marching around intruding on people's private space and talking about the time they were once on on the buses in the background have we started the song yet no we're doing the talking yeah so tell us about come around there every friday what have you got for us so did you want to start because paul very rarely cuts the song last time before you got your facts yes i wanted to start now i'll just get out of the way um come round

Starting point is 00:45:47 is apart from being an urban dictionary thing so that you say to someone that annoys you it's also a phrasal verb that you can say to someone like you know that someone's come around come back to consciousness the main thing i wanted to say is that the chopper is my favorite motorbike um a chopper is like a meat i you talking about the chopper for this one? I didn't get to say it last time. Your wife wants to talk about a great big chopper that she wants to ride on. We can talk about your wife's... Tell us more and slowly about what you'd like to do with a chopper. Go on, fuck's sake.

Starting point is 00:46:24 I think that's the way my facts for this song. Oh, you're done? Well, I had some facts about roundabouts initially, because it's called Come Round Here, but then I thought, well, I'll look up some... It's a cheap show, isn't it? So apparently for anal sex, it's important to start slowly and use gradual penetration to allow the recipient's muscles to adjust.

Starting point is 00:46:47 Also not everyone is interested or enjoys anal sex. Was that on the wiki? Is that chat GPT? Chat GPT by the way. How does it know? No, which wouldn't help me come up with bloody dictator puns earlier. We can't make light of dictator. Fuck off, Jack. Anyway, I like to say anal sex is a lot like Christmas. It's better to give than to receive. I thought you were going to say crisps. Anal sex is better than crisps.

Starting point is 00:47:20 No, it's just like crisps. Is it better to give than to receive? That's so backward looking What am I like getting fucked in my Power bottom good. Yeah, well enjoy both aspects of it stop kick-chaining people Look let's move on to playing the track. This is Reef Rydale and come round here. That many? That many? That many? That many?

Starting point is 00:48:08 That many? That many? That many? That many? That many? That many? Thank you. So many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so many, so you just let him do his thing, he will eventually break himself. He's now in the death throes of this moment.

Starting point is 00:49:20 And he'll peter out. Yeah, here we go, he gets quieter. And there we go, there's the regret setting in. Yeah, and now the forgiveness and the begging. Yeah. Right, we're back. We're back. We're back. Stop talking about tacos.

Starting point is 00:49:50 Tacos. Tacos. The otter that you can eat. Oh, I know. I know. It was awful. Come on, Paul. Keep the energy up. Woof. Right. Ethan, what did you think of Come Round Here and We Fight Able? I liked it. Come on Paul, keep the energy up. Woof! Right, Ethan.

Starting point is 00:50:05 What did you think of come round here and refried anal? I liked it, I thought it was good. Yeah? Yeah. What about, do you like refried anal? As a concept or as a name? What do you think that would involve? It's obviously got that written down, have you? I've got a version of what I think refried anal is.

Starting point is 00:50:20 You're like a regular Tim Lovejoy, aren't you? Yeah, it's bum-paced. It's Simon Rimmer. That's another euphemism I've got down here as well. Yeah, I've done it. The old Simon Rimmer. The old Simon Rimmer. Oh, the old Simon Rimmer. Oh, the old Simon Rimmer.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Oh, the old Simon Rimmer. It's like you pop in at the end like a cartoon character and just go, I'm the old Simon Rimmer. I'm trying to take part. I'm trying to take part. I'm trying to take part. Do you have an opinion on that? He's a man. He's a man with a recline anus.

Starting point is 00:50:55 And he spots it everywhere. Done? Done. We're done. Right, the next track off fifth. One, two, three, yeah, the fifth. We're halfway through after this one. It is The Lament of Captain Blue Boys by Noiseland.

Starting point is 00:51:10 What have you got for me? Blue balls. What did I say? Blue boys. It's your character as well, Paul. The Lament of Captain Blue Balls. Blue boys. No, no.

Starting point is 00:51:21 I'm eating a blue ball. I'm eating a blue ball. The Lament of Captain Blood Balls. My blood boils with blue blood a blue ball. I'm eating a blue ball. The remains of Captain Blood Balls. My blood balls with blue blah blah blah. Is this some kind of performance thing for you? Yes, it is some kind of performance thing. Wouldn't it be like a weird art installation thing?

Starting point is 00:51:37 Yeah, I'd like to be that. Come on, there's five minutes. One minute of Eli's art. Five minutes? I know. Blah blah, blue blah, blue blah, blue blah, blah, blue, blah, blah, blue, blah, blue, blah, blue, blah. That's all you're getting. God.

Starting point is 00:51:49 Yeah. Woo! Woo! Woo! Fine, the show's picking up now. Right, the lament of Captain Bluebell falls. Oh, it's Captain Bluebell! Bluebell?

Starting point is 00:52:01 What is it? Tinkerbell. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Is that your stage name? Captain Blue belt? What is a blue belt? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Plums are the second most cultivated fruit in the world. They grow best in temperate climates. The fruit is grown on every continent except Antarctica. Why is that? Too cold. Too cold.

Starting point is 00:52:46 Too cold. I think I said it's too cold. It's too cold. It's too cold. It's too cold. Eli says it's too cold. What have you got for us Mr Beggar? I describe this as a cinematic nautical shanty warning of male sexual dysfunction among pirates. Do you have any facts about pirates?

Starting point is 00:53:02 I have any facts about Poseidon. We need King of the Sea. He's not fake. No he's not. He's not. What the fuck? How do you not believe in Poseidon? Because he's like a half fish trap.

Starting point is 00:53:18 Believe in Poseidon. Believe in Poseidon. Believe in Poseidon. I refuse. I refuse. Believe in Poseidon, believe in Poseidon. No! I refuse, I refuse to believe in Poseidon. Do you believe in Poseidon? Right, so what have you got about, oh pirates. Pirates? The term pirate originated from the Latin word pirata,

Starting point is 00:53:42 which was derived from the Greek word pirates, meaning brigand or sea robber. Hey! Sea robber! Is it at the same derivation as pirata that you get a takeaway? Yes. Ah. Yes it does. Right, well then, no more further ado is to be done. Let us play this track. This is The Lament of Captain Blue Balls by Noiseland. Take it away.

Starting point is 00:54:04 Just to be clear, you cannot achieve male ejaculation. Oh, how stiff and hard I get. No matter how much my balls swell with yearning, I can't. I can't admit seed. Oh, you look at these. Yarr, look at those big blue

Starting point is 00:54:19 plums. Oh, I don't know who are. Who are? Oh, yeah, thank you. Am I really a spank? Oh, yeah, thank you. Plums, oh la la, oh la la I had to keep saying Am I really a swan? I had to keep saying Am I really a swan? I had to keep saying

Starting point is 00:54:33 Am I really a swan? I had to keep saying Am I really a swan? Oh la la, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I was a Shroud weapon snapper and I wanted my own ship So in desperation I made a pact with the god Poseidon of the sea And he agreed to give me my own first command He gave you command of the mischievous heron Oh, thank you

Starting point is 00:55:24 And what did you have to pay in return? I had to give him the same that my appeal in the years gone. I had to give him the same that my appeal in the years gone. I had to give him the same that my appeal in the years gone. I had to give him the same

Starting point is 00:55:39 that my green and blue gloves all around. I had to give him the same that my appeal in the years gone. I had to give him the same, and my ability is smug So now I am cursed, I am cursed so I am, to get hard, to fly the mast, but unfortunately I can never throw myself from the crows nest no more. We're back! And I was just talking about these sleeves and how I don't approve of the length. These sleeves! These sleeves were all my joy. These sleeves were all my joy.

Starting point is 00:56:28 These sleeves. Don't let Poseidon take your ability to spunk. No, make sure that when you're on the scene next, never make a pact with Poseidon. You won't get to ejaculate. What did you think of that song? Yeah, I really liked it. Great. What are you doing with my drink? Yeah. What are you doing with my drink?

Starting point is 00:56:48 Drinking it. No you're not drinking my drink. You've had that gin, you've had the vodka. I don't know what you've done with the rest of the bloody Bucks Fizz, but that was for them anyway. You were willing to share. Yeah, yeah, of course. We're having fun.

Starting point is 00:57:04 It's called fun. Fun. You like to look it up in the dictionary? Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Come on. No, don't mock me and then give me the, all right, mate, we're only fucking. We are, we are.

Starting point is 00:57:18 We're kicking your ass off. We are running. We're that far. Oh, Paul, Paul, Paul, you'll like this. And speaking of fun. Oh, yeah. Fun called Derek. Fun called Derek. That's how a professional does it, Paul, Paul, Paul, you'll like this. And speaking of fun. Oh yeah, Funko Derek. That's how a professional does it, Paul. I'll give you a glimpse of how a professional would do it.

Starting point is 00:57:31 Go ahead. Professional cake. Right, okay, well, thank you for that, Ethan. Funko Derek is on next track by Morgan Kenning. And I don't know what's going on in fucking expert's corner. My bum hurts. Why don't you walk around, you're on the track? I hadn't thought of that. You're not chained there, you're alright to go. My bum hurts here. Do you want to stand here and do it for a bit? No because that was awkward when I stood up there earlier.

Starting point is 00:57:55 Well then sit down, shut up and give me a fact on Funko Derek by Morgan Kenning. It's a disco boogie boobie boobie boobie disco boogie and the first of two appearances from Derek in tonight's lineup. I have Derek facts here. Derek ranks among the top 500 most popular names in the United States. And I have a second fact. Derek is a relatively easy name to pronounce and spell, which may contribute to his widespread use. That's a very good fact. Do you have any facts for us, Sonia? That's a good point. Yes, I would just like to say that famous Derricks whose name was also Derek include

Starting point is 00:58:37 Derek Okora, spiritual medium. Sir Derek Jacobi. Excuse me. Derek Jacobi? Derek Jacobi? Derek Jacobi? Derek Jacobi? Derek Jacobi? A British actor on stage and screams. Jacobi? It's me Derek Jacobi. It's pronounced Jacobi, that's why they're making fun of you. And it's not fun. And now you know my pain. It hurts every time. I feel it. Derek Bruce Hoff.

Starting point is 00:59:15 What? American professional Latin and ballroom dancer. That's professional, isn't it? Derek Bailey. Are you going to mention the most important Derek? Which one? Derek Dick. Oh my God to mention the most important Derek? Which one? Derek Dick.

Starting point is 00:59:26 The former lead singer of Meridian. I forgot. Who changed his name to Fish on account of the fact that he didn't want people calling him a dick. I think it's a good idea. Hang on. It didn't work. Wasn't that guy on Play School, Derek?

Starting point is 00:59:38 There was a Derek. Yeah. There was a Mr. Derek. No. What? Are you all right? Are you all right? Who did Supertank? The black guy who was a Mr Derek. No. What? Are you just, are you all right? Are you all right? Who did Super Take?

Starting point is 00:59:47 The black guy who was on Place? Yeah, Derek Griffiths. Thank you, had sex with his daughter. What? Oh. He's told this story before. That's gone dark. Years ago.

Starting point is 00:59:56 At boarding school. At dark, is it? I saw it got a bit Jonathan Ross and Russell Brangham. No, no, I think it was the guy. Dark, you're having sex, Eli. It is dark. No, I think it was the guy. Dark, you're having sex, Eli. It is dark. I creep around in the dark.

Starting point is 01:00:08 You thought he had sex with Derek Griffiths? This? No! Eli had sex with Derek Griffiths. No, she was like, that's dark. Also, it's not dark. If he wants to have sex with a man, that's fine. I can't believe you're so homophobic.

Starting point is 01:00:24 If Eli wants to play along, he fine. I didn't think that. I can't believe you're so homophobic. If he wants to play a role, he can. I didn't think that. He's a power bottom. That's so homophobic and racist. He is a power bottom after all. What's the next song? We're just going to go with the Dutch. Tom, could you please play Funkle Derek by Morgan Keating

Starting point is 01:00:40 quickly, please? Funkle Derek? Funkle Derek. Sitting in my flat in Brookside Watching the evening news A voice comes on the TV And says there's a pager on the loose I get a call off my friend Terry

Starting point is 01:00:56 Says he's in a jam I grab my coat and leave To see what's happening with him I turn the corner and get scared I can't believe my eyes I call to Fred in panic as I saw the orange and black beeline He says she's had a heart attack, a really nasty shock I open Harry's front door to see a mangled corpse with a big old cock

Starting point is 01:01:20 My name is Derek and my stories are all true 100% accurate, the ratio's through and through My name is Derek and my stories must be told I'll sell this one to Pfizer cause it's totally solid gold Walking in a Cairo market, I see a cool antique I pay half my salary and then I take a peek A skeleton, a donkey, a skeleton, a fly A black saint, this was Tutankhamun's taken by some guy

Starting point is 01:01:54 My whole pal fuses in treats, I go to see what's wrong My blue chocolate colored carpet and her lingering both gone I apologize profusely, this was too complex a scheme I open my eyes, I'm relieved that it was all a dream My name is Derek and my stories are all true 100% accurate, gracious through and through My name is Derek and my stories must be told I'll send them to my nephews cause

Starting point is 01:02:27 they're totally solid gold. They didn't thank me for the drop. I should have known they were Irish. An alien came down. He gave me a mouth bar. The paramedic had a heart attack My name is Derek and my stories are bizarre Tigers, Hoovers, Aliens, sick children in a car My name is Derek and my stories are all true And if you're an estate agent, fuck you Right, oh, and that was Funko Derek by Morgan Keating Kenning And if you're an estate agent, fuck you. Remus have a cocktail? Yeah, I can see that mate, but please go easy. What is it? It's a mojito. We're not even halfway through the night, fuck me.

Starting point is 01:03:28 Mojito? Right, shall I chop you up then? Please. The next track that we're doing tonight, what did you think of the track? I really liked it. Thank you. Right, take that marrow, Paul Byrne.

Starting point is 01:03:39 What have our experts got to say on that little factoid? You got anything to say? I have, well, there are two two types of like two main types of marrow we have bone marrow of which we have red and yellow bone marrow or we have marrow the vegetable and marrow the vegetable is the mature fruit of certain cucurbiti pepo cultivars. Easy for you to say. Well, I know I'm a judge. Yeah. And I should probably be, what's the word? In neutral.

Starting point is 01:04:09 I fucking hate this song. That's so mean. So mean. Paul, if you're watching, Paul Byrne, sorry. The only one who singles out. Who writes a song about Eli having a wank? It made me feel dirty. The cheap show. Yeah, I know.

Starting point is 01:04:27 I don't want to think about that while I'm listening to music. It might have a double meaning. You don't want that. It might have a double meaning. It doesn't have a double meaning. It's a song about Eli sitting in a corner having a wank. Yeah. I, too, found it slightly disquieting.

Starting point is 01:04:40 Yeah, so... You're the one who wanted this to go through to the trials. As he finishes the glass. I looked up some facts about masturbation, uh and then i thought well no i'll ask chat gpt to come up with the facts about eli so oh good yeah so i asked chat gpt to come up with facts about eli silverman and he said i'm sorry but i couldn't find any widely recognized or notable information about an individual named Eli Silverman. Fuck you! Chat GTP my ass! It's possible that he may not be a public figure

Starting point is 01:05:08 or well known outside a specific context. Wanking! So there you go. My favourite fact of the night. What about the guy who's a police expert in Miami? Well, yeah, obviously.

Starting point is 01:05:24 He's called Eli Silverman and he's written loads of books. Chat GTP's a lazy expert in Miami. Well, yeah, obviously. What about him? He's too specific. He's called Eli Silverman. He's written loads of books. Too specific. He's a lazy piece of shit. All down for the system. Right, in that case, let's go to the track. It is Take That Marrow by Paul Byrne. Play.

Starting point is 01:05:36 Take that marrow up to gas mark five. Shove it in, it makes you feel alive. But who's that in the corner watching you with his dinky-doo? Eli, it's Eli, jacking it to the core Eli, it's Eli, the little man who knows the score No one's mommy's safe from his nestling grace, and vegetables go into ovens. There is Eli with his nubbin' pre-cum on the floor. Not from John, it's Eli Jackin' it to the core

Starting point is 01:06:27 Eli, it's Eli The little man who knows to score No one's mum is safe from his nuzzling grace He has a soft spot for a skinny Stuck in the oven by a girl in a bikini He adds his own salty finish to each vegetable dish But it's okay, cause poor kind he fish Eli, it's Eli Jacking it to the core Eli, it's Eli

Starting point is 01:07:04 The little man who knows the score No one's mum is safe from his nestling grace Now it's over and the song is two Nothing left for little Eli to do His glistening balls, all empty and clean Why's Pooh's mum mum Is flicking her bean Soup into bowls to serve Welcome back, that was

Starting point is 01:07:38 Welcome back everybody Take that marrow So we need to do the We need to set up the table for tomorrow then. Okay. Mate, can you take that outside? Sorry? Can you take that call outside please?

Starting point is 01:07:52 You said you wanted me on hand. Sorry, sorry. You said you wanted me on hand. Yeah, yeah, but you're taking a call. We're doing the next, can you not? Who are you talking to? I'm talking to my agent. You know, the one that you wanted to, I'm trying to secure you a deal with it.

Starting point is 01:08:04 Shh, shh, shh. Alright, we'll just, alright, no worries then. Just keep it down. Alright, okay. Alright, well. Talk to my agent. You know the one that you wanted to... I'm trying to secure you a deal with it. All right, all right, no worries then. Just keep it down. All right, okay. Okay, so we have the next song is, ah, returning victor. Lee Spence is back with a song for 2023 called The Mayor Requests.

Starting point is 01:08:20 And we're very excited to show you that. Now, let's go to our experts. Well, I don't fucking care what Tarantino is doing No, I don't fucking care. He gets on that zoom. Oh Okay, John, I'm actually gonna take this outside. You're gonna take it outside. I'm taking outside Okay, can you tell us I know performers Yeah, well you pay you get what you pay for, don't you?

Starting point is 01:08:45 So the mayor requests, what have you got for us experts? Well, I just want to start this by saying that some people in the chat have commented that I was a bit mean about the last song. Where? I had no right to say what I said, given that my cock was showing. I just want to say my main thing. What is it? say what i said giving up my cock

Starting point is 01:09:23 i just want to say that um you know with regard to the things that people are saying in the comments that I didn't stuff anything down now I've just got a big car. Were they speculating on stuffing? Yeah, well no they weren't. No he's imagining. I'm just reiterating that he was just you know. Do you want to talk about the main request? Wooden anniversary. It's the anniversary of wood for this day it is isn't

Starting point is 01:09:46 it so maybe he should give her wood tonight for their anniversary night yes don't you think he should don't you think you should should what give your wife some wood tonight i don't know what you're saying i don't know what that is i don't know what you mean some people in the chat have already said that i'd rather be doing that you You might be. I might be. You think I might be? We could integrate it into the end of this show. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Starting point is 01:10:11 Oh dear. Oh dear. Vote below if you'd like to see this show end with a full live sex act between two beloved YouTubers. We will show it. No, we won't. It being a real life. We won't.

Starting point is 01:10:23 Yeah, it's this way. It's this way. All right, okay, cool. So the mayor and Ian, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's this one. It's this one. All right, okay, cool. So, the mayor requests, what have you got for us on that? My favourite song. No, I'm not a judge, I'm allowed to say it. You're not allowed to give an opinion about the song because they'll tear you apart in

Starting point is 01:10:39 the comments. Yeah. Like they did me. Oh well. Anyway, I think think I love trees. They mean so much to me. And I wanted to lay aside my expert's hat for this song and just delve into the symbolic meaning of trees

Starting point is 01:10:57 and really how much they bring to us spiritually. Because a lot of people might think we just plant trees for shade or a bit of greenery but really they can bring us so much more like for example did you know in celtic mythology an apple tree for example is a symbol symbol symbols No, that's the balls! It's the balls! Shippers! Come on, get it out. The balls are a symbol of youth and rebirth. All trees are. All trees are special.

Starting point is 01:11:34 The ash tree... Bless you. The ash tree... Oh, it's got a sneeze on it. ...is believed to have healing qualities. Yeah, it's one of the trees. Well done. Thanks for this. Thanks. I mean, you know, Sandy's clearly never listened to two shows before.

Starting point is 01:11:54 But trees are the only other animal dogs that can bark. Oh God. Do you have any mere facts? Right. okay. In that case, ladies and gentlemen, it's now time to introduce our eighth track tonight of ten. The Mayor Request by Lee Spence. Stand to attention for the mayor. The mayor requests the participants of the inhabitants in the protection of the trees.

Starting point is 01:12:24 Read the signs of the trees. Read the signs all over town. The Mayor requests the participants of the inhabitants in the protection of the trees. Penalty £50 per branch. The Council by Laws designate this district As a haven from this day You can walk on all the grass you want And take your bins out twice a day Drive your sheep through the high street if you have some And fly a kite just where you may It's easy now they've banned all cars. But the Mayor requests the participants of the inhabitants in the protection of the trees.

Starting point is 01:13:13 Join the adoption scheme today. The Mayor requests the participants of the inhabitants in the protection of the trees Sign right away please don't delay I know the trees are why you can no longer live here And why the mayor's appeasements won't make you stay The trees snapped with rage at taking in our pollution So packed their sticks and moved away We don't know how they managed it, they did it at night time Or how they heard our screams from where they strayed

Starting point is 01:13:49 They gave us only one last chance So, the Mayor requests the participants of the inhabitants In the protection of the trees Because of what happened last time of the trees because of what happened last time. The Mayor requests the participants of the inhabitants in the protection of the trees. We can't hold our breaths on this one. Oh, the Mayor requests.

Starting point is 01:14:22 The Mayor requests. The Mayor requests. How do you feel about the mail requests? The mail requests. The mail requests. Yeah, I liked it. Is there a Jim Beam back there? Yeah, yeah, I found some Jim Beam. I thought you guys bought this.

Starting point is 01:14:33 That's not ours. That's the fucking guy we rent this off of. We might have to top it up with some apple juice or something. We'll put some apple juice in it. We're going to have to put a lot of fucking apple juice in that to top it off. Then he's going to know it's just apple juice. No, he won't. We'll be gone.

Starting point is 01:14:41 It was hidden in a nook. It's not a nook when it's called a shelf. It's a shelf. It's a shelf. It's a shelf. It's it off. Then he's gonna know it's just apple juice. No, he won't. We'll be gone. It was hidden in a nook. It's not a nook when it's called a shelf and it's on the shelf and you take it down from the shelf. It was a shelfy nook.

Starting point is 01:14:53 It was a nook shelf. Nook shelf. Nook shelf. It's a nook. Every day that I've been making nook shelf. Every day that I've been making nook shelf. I was trying to make that in there. It's so hard. Yeah, well, a bit late on it. I've been making nook shelf. Woo. And I've been making nook shelf. Woo. Woo.

Starting point is 01:15:05 Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.

Starting point is 01:15:21 Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.. Yeah, Nook Shelf. Woo! Derek, Meters of Meters is our ninth track up,

Starting point is 01:15:29 an ultimate track tonight. An ultimate track of tonight! What have you got for us, Expert's Corner? Well, what do we want? The meaning of the name Derek or more famous Derricks? I mean, you have covered Derricks already. We've covered Derricks, so let's just say Derek's. Let's focus on the meters part maybe.

Starting point is 01:15:47 How meters facts? You've got no meters facts for us. I'll ask chat GPT. Meters facts, meters facts, meters facts, meters facts. Body of small, big and big noise playing in the street. Gonna be a big man some day. He's got meters in his fingers. And he puts his hand right down his metres. OK, I've got it.

Starting point is 01:16:12 Here we go. I was expert to call it for metres facts. The metres are the external opening of the urethra in males. Oh, that's probably a bit... Are you questioning chat BBT? BBT? BBC. Chat BBC. Do you think chat bpt? Bpt? Chat bpt. Chat bpt. Do you think that's true?

Starting point is 01:16:28 Well I think these days it's not just men that can have penises. But it said males rather than men. I don't think that's true. Let's not go there. Do you want to leave? The size of the metres can vary among individuals ranging from small to large. Mine's bigger. Is yours like that?

Starting point is 01:16:52 Is your meat opening like that? It looks like an avocado split in half. Is it possible to fist your meat? I thought it was a nickname. What? I thought it was a nickname. Just for people? Jonathan Peters? You can go to Bob Peters. Hey, Bob Peters. Hey, Bobby Peters. Bobby Peters. Oh wait, wait,

Starting point is 01:17:16 this is important. Oh here we go. The Peters is susceptible to infections. Oh. I can vouch for that. Also proper hygiene and doing regular cleaning can help prevent the infections. I can vouch for that. Also proper hygiene and regular cleaning can help prevent the infections. Wait so are you saying that doctors if you went to see one would call it a meatus? You'd go, uh, Gilly come up here I've got an inflamed meatus. Why is my doctor Zippy for a break though? Back on that! I'm your hand Zippy! Can you come in, the matrix is inflamed and he's... Can you imagine if Zippy went on to be a guy in a comedy? He's only got one hand.

Starting point is 01:17:59 Straight in. Three fingers, one hand. George would do the other hand. Hold your leg. Or Bungle watch. Under a sheet of the coffin. Don't mind him. He's a student doctor. He's a trainee.

Starting point is 01:18:16 Bungle likes to watch. Anyway, we've got an old play. He does. You say that with such authority. No, he does. Geoffrey watches. Sometimes he's watching me. Just doing normal things.

Starting point is 01:18:28 Bungle's watching me! I can't get no privacy! Woo! Sometimes I feel like Bungle's watching me! Can't get no privacy. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Derek by Meters of Meters. Take it away. And you're off.

Starting point is 01:18:45 Lo and behold, what did I find? A huge bass drum. Thank you. basics Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Not even a word of thanks. Oh, welcome Derek, meeters and beaters. Well done, Ray. Give him an applause, please give him an applause. Have you got any fruit? We've got nothing, mate. Don't put that back. Why didn't you bring any fruit?

Starting point is 01:19:51 I asked for fruit. He did. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too.

Starting point is 01:19:59 He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. He said mangoes, too. Give him a big applause, please give him a round of applause. Have you got any fruit or something? We've got nothing mate, don't put that back. Why didn't you bring any fruit? I asked for fruit. He did, he said mango steam.

Starting point is 01:20:10 And I told you to get some mango steam. It's hard to locate mango steam. Dr. Mango Steen I presume. Look, there's ice in there, stick some of that in some more vodka. I thought it was just going to have to be the vodka. Yeah, yeah. Here you go. Thank you. This is not, this is not. Oh by the way,. Here you go. Thank you. This is not... Oh, by the way, I like this one.

Starting point is 01:20:26 Thank you. It's not what we planned. None of this drinking is what we planned. I don't know why anyone's got any booze appropriate. Now I'm going to perfect... Are we back on? Yeah, we're back. A gin sting.

Starting point is 01:20:38 Eli's iceberg's melted. It's manageable now. Only if that had happened... You did that over there. Ladies and gentlemen, our final song tonight, the final song of your Envision 2023 is called The Hot Sauce Wrap by Star Night Light. I'm going to go to our experts corner now

Starting point is 01:20:55 and see what they have to say about this particular track. What have we got? Some people may wonder whether having a night light on all night is going to affect your quality of sleep. And scientists seem to think the answer is yes because especially if the light has blue light included in it and you've got it on in the hours leading up to your last sleep or even while you're asleep, it's going to affect your body's melatonin production

Starting point is 01:21:22 so it might be better to just get like a yellow base night light or get some candles or something get up, get up, get up I wanna see your divot as well I wanna see your divot I wanna see your divot I wanna see your divot look at your big bum divot big one, big ass remember this everyone woah, I don't share remember this everyone

Starting point is 01:21:44 remember this everyone? I remember this everyone! Do you remember all of that? Do you remember when all of that happened? Wasn't that great? You know what we found out? Sorry, I just want everyone to know this During the break, breaking news happened. We found out that Quentin Tarantino has a foot fetish allegedly no no it's pretty open come at me Tarantino no he definitely does yeah he loves it he talks about it he talks about it he talks about it yeah yeah what does he say he wanted to call it Reservoir Shoes.

Starting point is 01:22:28 Pumps Fiction. Pumps Fiction, yeah. Jackie Brown and the Spades. I'd have a fucking shoe Tarantino pun. Inconvenient platforms. Yeah. Django Un-shoes. Un-shoes.

Starting point is 01:22:43 No, Un-loosed. Yeah, What else? What else have you done? True broke bands. Oh, that's not... Don't fucking laugh at it then, anyone. No one did. No, I said that's a good one.

Starting point is 01:23:00 You need to lecture them. They're growing some strawberries in the garden. Do you think I could use those? No, they're not for us. I would like a daiquiri I'll fix him a daddy. What's nice daiquiri did say I need We all like appreciate Eli's hotel and Mixer making And if you like cocktails, you've got a cocktail coming up for you. Coming up in a minute.

Starting point is 01:23:32 Right, so, we're going to enjoy these. Do you have any hot sauce facts? Yes, we were given like a box of like 30 hot sauces for Christmas and we still haven't finished them. Two years ago. Yeah, we still haven't finished them. My favourite hot sauce which I recommend? Well, it is a fact. My favourite hot sauce that I recommend for everyone at home is Valentina. Oh, he's obsessed.

Starting point is 01:23:50 It's like sweet. Eli, what's your favourite hot sauce? If you had to rank the favourite top, what would it be? Tabasco's at number two. No. That's not what I said though. No, Tabasco's number one. What's at number one?

Starting point is 01:24:02 Tabasco's number one. Not for me it's not. No, no. I would go for the El Yakuteka Special Reserve. Yeah, you would. Right. Special Aged, the black Yakuteka. I haven't tried that.

Starting point is 01:24:12 It's smokey magic, baby. Smokey magic, baby. You know. I have to say, I was worried that maybe you weren't going to, you didn't like Tabasco. I love Tabasco. Yeah, he's a big fan of Tabasco. Okay, good, good, good. But when someone says, what's your favorite?

Starting point is 01:24:20 I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say I was worried that maybe you weren't gonna, you didn't like Tabasco. I love Tabasco. Yeah, he's a big fan of Tabasco. But when someone says what's your favourite, try not to just mention the second favourite

Starting point is 01:24:32 first and get to the fucking point. It's known as je ne sais sois my friends. Je ne sais sois. It's not whatever you are. Je ne sais sois. Yes. Je ne sais sois. Je ne sais sois.

Starting point is 01:24:43 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Should I say Swoss? No, no, no. That's a good joke. No, that was good. That was good. That was good. In the five years I've been with her. Yeah. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:24:52 That's the best joke she's ever done. Fair enough. I'll take it. I think, I think, I imagine it came from Eli. I just rejected it outright. Sorry. Hey, talking of sauce, what's in my little suitcase you're wrecked aren't you what is it let's get out the way before we go to the final song no no no all right we'll keep that

Starting point is 01:25:11 cliffhanger going right do you have any hot sauce facts no we're moving on we're going to go to our final track now it is the hot sauce wrap by star night light. Take it away. Cheers. Cheers. past 12 I'm feeling peckish think I'll make myself a sandwich ham and cheese and beef and chicken they need that little something extra to make it less dry to make it more nice to give it that spice Hot Sauce

Starting point is 01:25:58 so yummy not spoffy it's Hot Sauce me Not spoffy It's hot sauce I like it on my cheeks, nice fried egg Corn on the gulp, chicken leg Burgers and hot dogs and fatty noodles Nachos, anything goes When it's like this, can't feel my lips A million scovilles, sweating my tits I need a drink of milk right now. Fuck the gloves, give me the cow. Hot sauce.

Starting point is 01:26:30 So yummy. Not spoffy. It's hot sauce. Hot sauce. Hot sauce. Hot sauce. Hot sauce, hot sauce, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, sauce. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Spoffy, spoffy, spoffy, spoffy. Hot sauce, hot sauce, hot sauce, hot sauce, hot sauce. And that's it.

Starting point is 01:27:17 That is the final one. Well done, Stormight Light. Woo! Well done to everyone who put a song in this time round. Yeah, even if you didn't get down to the final ten, thank you for getting involved. There were so many tracks that we had to get through. We had to burn them down to ten. These were that ten.

Starting point is 01:27:32 We hope you enjoyed them. But now it is time for the judges to make their judgments. I liked that one. Did you? Yeah. You didn't ask me this time. I didn't think to. No, you've made up points. You've let me down consistently.

Starting point is 01:27:45 How have I let you down? How have I let you down? Business calls, fucking drinking cocktails, lashing it, kicking off. If the agent is watching, like, you know, maybe let's- At this point, I don't give a fuck. Hi, I'm Eli Silverman. Good at stuff.

Starting point is 01:28:01 I saw him do a self-tape once, it was amazing. Yes. Yeah, sex self-tape. No, it was for an advert. It was for an advert actually, was it? Yes. What was it? Did you get the advert? It was for Dr. Ood Kid. Did you get the advert?

Starting point is 01:28:11 No. Well then that's... There you go, doesn't matter. Right, so we have now given the songs out into our judges. They're going to be giving them out into them. I have a shoot. Yes. What?

Starting point is 01:28:24 Blowtart. A song title. Blowtart? Blowtart? out into them. I have a shoot. Yes. Boat. Boat. Boat. A song. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat.

Starting point is 01:28:30 Boat. All right, mate. You've done enough. You've done enough. You lie down there. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop Eli. So what we're going to do is we're going to take half an hour now to get all those votes in. We're going to leave you with something very special. Eli and I, but Eli designed this, made a little video for you to watch to make a nice little cocktail. We hope you enjoy this video. We'll see you in about half an hour. Make this cocktail. Tell us what

Starting point is 01:28:56 you think below. Chef's kiss. Go. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. I hope you're enjoying the show. It's a packed show, isn't it? Ooh. Ooh. This and that. That and this. Hello everybody. Hope you're enjoying the show. It's a packed show isn't it? Ooh, ooh. This and that. That and this. Spicy show. Stuff happening. I don't know who's going to win. Do you know who's going to win? I smell like it's like a dead, it's a dead rabbit smell. It's like a fetid. Nah, I don't want to do this. Come on, don't fake walk out this video mate. Hello everyone, hope you're enjoying Your InVision, fake walk out, don't know what number that is, 700. We thought we'd do something very special for this edition of the Your InVision Song Contest and we've invented a whole new drink.

Starting point is 01:29:45 Now, you may remember last year, we invented a special Your Envision noodle. We decided that that was a bad idea, and we thought we'd go a bit classy this year. Classier show, classier cocktail. It's a party, so we have a drink. It's a party. What do you do, Paul?

Starting point is 01:30:03 You have a drink, don't you? What do you got? And then you like you chat up someone that you shouldn't at your office and then you

Starting point is 01:30:08 embarrassingly have to go to HR the next day because you said inappropriate things and a drunken stupor 1997 want their stand up

Starting point is 01:30:16 material back Paul they were very insistent they really do want it back now that was lame come on No, that was lame.

Starting point is 01:30:25 Come on. Everyone knows that was lame. Is it? Photocopy your arse. Did you make a joke about that? I didn't say that.

Starting point is 01:30:31 No, I didn't. You did. Hang on. Wait. I just want to point something out. Eli's getting a photocopy of your arse. How trite.

Starting point is 01:30:36 You used to do a video, didn't you, called Office Party Rescue. What was all that about? That had a clever conceit. You did it? Yes.

Starting point is 01:30:43 No, listen. The ice is melting, my friend. It should have been covered in fat and then it would have been What was all that about? A clever conceit. You did it? Yes. Yes. No, listen, the ice is melting my friend. Okay? Well, it should have been covered in fat and then it would have been a clever confit. That's the classiest gag I've ever done. That's a terrible.

Starting point is 01:30:55 I'm very, anyway, I've got my pinny on. This is an Estonian traditional pinny. Show them the trouser legs. That's one. That's the other. It came in very handy when I went for a pee just then because I had to spot it, get the That's one. That's the other. It came in very handy when I went for a pee just then. Do you know why?

Starting point is 01:31:08 Because I had to spot it. Get the old little lad out. He looked like a sad monk. He looked like a monk. Roy Charlie Brown wants his material back. Does he? He got your chawed out. I'm just saying I got my penis out. What do you think of my apron? It's got sweet chilli sauce.

Starting point is 01:31:27 Oh, yeah. It's a chilli-based apron. What's that, May Ploy? May Ploy. Is that a... It's a big brand. A plan to capture old starlet May West as a kidnapper. Was it a May Ploy?

Starting point is 01:31:40 No, it was a plan to distract someone during the month of May. When you got your willy out and showed it to a little child, is that what you're saying now? Because that's what you thought was funny a minute ago, and I don't think it is. Oh, shut your... Can we build the drink, please, Paul? You're really starting to... Well, let's just tell them what it is before we get into the building, because we need to change the camera angle for that, don't we? Dip knob. Tonight, dip knob, we are going to build for you for the first time ever a world premiere cocktail which we are calling the Urine Vision

Starting point is 01:32:12 Piss Fizz. Now what are the ingredients if people want to make this at a later date? Essentially it is going to be a variation of a Tom Collins. So we're going to have soda water, gin, citrus juice and sugar. The sugar will be in the form of this quite nice lemon syrup we have here. This is the citrus he's talking about. We pre-juiced the lemons. We pre-juiced the lemons didn't we? Oh no and also as well as the soda water, this is where we're adding a bit of a difference. of grapefruit soda. Now we're going to split this with the water so it's not soda yeah so that but also we don't stop there do we? We don't stop there. We've also got we're going to rim the glass. We've rimmed that's what we're going to do first Paul in fact. Yeah and so we I bought this it's

Starting point is 01:32:58 called double duo dunker. Why are these sweets? Double duo dunker donkers two two words these sweets are fucking converging with sex toys aren't they this is like one of those two-headed dildo things it's two sucky things yeah a double peg it's a fucking double peg they shouldn't get off this is something that's why i don't like double duo yeah double and that's what duo means as well tautology so it should be double double donker double double d, donker. Double, double, dosh, donker. If it was called the... Dosh, dosh.

Starting point is 01:33:29 If it was called the double dosh, that would be amazing. It is now. So we're going to be using the blue ras. Why did we pick the blue ras? Because it has a toilet cleaner kind of colour profile. Because here's the other trick. We're not doing it in glasses. No, we've gone full toilet with a porcelain bowl redolent of a toilet

Starting point is 01:33:49 what's that word you use redolent yes redolent of a toilet porcelain the old crapper yes and we're gonna be garnishing with some poo poo paper now explain to them how we'll be doing that we will be mashing a a flake and making a a cone of the toilet paper

Starting point is 01:34:10 Eli they don't sell flakes anymore Silvermoon you don't you don't buy them anyway yes you do

Starting point is 01:34:18 I bought one last week no you don't they've just come back out again no they they've only reappeared they've not the way you fucking see reality is sickening and weird.

Starting point is 01:34:30 Fucking hot. I'm sorry I sickened you. Jesus. The way you reject facts. I bought this. I had one a few weeks ago and I had one a year ago. I know these for a fact

Starting point is 01:34:41 but apparently Eli thinks they just came back to prop up his bullshit conspiracy theories. I didn't say anything. I misremembered. Eli911 was an inside job somewhere. Shut up. Show them the essential oils. And these will be dripped on at the end, won't they? In the baking style.

Starting point is 01:34:58 These are fucking great though. This is an orange one. Essence of orange. Don't they look like those little aftershave things? Nice design on the little pluggers. And now here we've got a little blue one. Which is what, vanilla? Yeah. So a few drops. Just a few.

Starting point is 01:35:15 They're very potent. Shall we start then? Well, is that everything then? Yeah. So we've got that, we've got that. Yeah, we're all good to go. In that case, let's cut to the action. Where you can have a good look at what we're about, we got that. Yeah, we're all good to go. In that case, let's cut to the action where you can have a good look at what we're about to make right now. Check it out.

Starting point is 01:35:30 I don't like touching you. Ah! Kissy, no! Okay, Paul, now I know what we're gonna do. We're gonna rim the glasses first. A-O. With our... A-O.

Starting point is 01:35:44 Rim the glasses. Rim the, we're not in shot. Rim the glasses first. Ayo. With our... Ayo. Rim the glasses. Rim the... We're not in shot. Rim the glasses. Rim the glasses. Rim the glasses. I did it. Can you not do that?

Starting point is 01:35:52 Can you get the... I'm not doing that. What do you want? The chair? I need the double dish. It's just there. You... Now, I got confused because the pink top has the blue, but...

Starting point is 01:36:03 Right. Put it in shot. I swear to God. Put it in shot! I swear to God if you snatch things out of my hand one more time I'll fucking lamp you. Fucking hell man! You can't look into the... Stop being so confused about everything! I'm not grabbing it, I'm helping. We're helping each other to make this video.

Starting point is 01:36:24 Don't get it messy. Oh there you go, perfect. Get a nice amount of that out. It's very tart, I've tried some of this, it's very tart and sour. That's a lot isn't it? That is so toilety isn't it? Very toilety. Is it blue ras? Yeah. Does it say blue ras on it anyway? Yeah. It's strawberry and blue raspberry. How funny how Blue Raz has come up again. Yes. Yet again. It's almost as if it's a staple thing been around for ages,

Starting point is 01:36:50 but all of a sudden people have realised... Oh, do you have a knife? No, why would I have a knife? We need to get the lemon juice on the rims of these. Why can't we just... Stop eating that. I'm just testing it for scientific purposes. What?

Starting point is 01:37:00 Dub, dub, dub. I'm going to grab a knife, OK? Do we have time? Yeah, go for it. I'll keep them unused. I'd like to eat one too. Here we go, so look, just so people know, we're going to take these cups and we're going to just rim one side, just the one side, so we can taste our cocktail with or without the toilet dust, I guess you could call it. The toilet duck dust. Oh toilet duck dust, good isn't it? So we're going to be doing that like that on there in a minute. Toilet duck dust oh toilet duck dust good in it so we're gonna be doing

Starting point is 01:37:25 that like that on there in a minute toilet duck dust toilet duck dust close that door shut that door close that shut that door posh posh right so here we go right we're gonna use the moisture from one of these lemons moisture from the cloister to adhere our dust on oh Ooh, look. Sorry. Snort that. Shouldn't snort that. I'm cutting me drugs, Eli, look. I've actually seen ketamine that is of that colour.

Starting point is 01:37:52 Yeah, there was this strawberry flavoured stuff as well. It's not good, it's like vaping, isn't it? You see all these big, odd guys vaping and they all vape strawberries, like how is that cool? Well, how is smoking tobacco cool? How is smoking cool? I'll tell you, because I make it cool. He's slicing a lemon now.

Starting point is 01:38:10 Now we're going to half rim them, aren't we? Half rim them. Is this happening? Yeah. Right, around there. East to west. Right, I hope this works. You do one cup and I'll do the other.

Starting point is 01:38:19 Okay. I know you're desperate to do it. I love rimming. I love rimming. Don't you, everybody? How's that? It's not very good, is it? Dear, not very good.

Starting point is 01:38:31 That's fine. It'll do. Pass me my cup. I want to go. I want to go. Give me a go. Here we go. So now I'm going to rim it.

Starting point is 01:38:39 Don't squeeze it too hard because it'll just juice into it. I know. What the fuck, mate? You just want to get the moisture. I know. What the fuck? Oh, I'm saying. I'm just like Snooker Q, innit?

Starting point is 01:38:48 Alright, here we go. I'm going to do this. Little fancy moves. It's got more on, but it's a bit messy there. Yeah, but I like that. I like that mess because to me it's more like... It looks more toilety. ...toilet dog.

Starting point is 01:39:02 There's mine. I quite like mine. More subtle. Good, good job. Good interpretation. I'll get this out of the way now. Toilet dog. There's mine. I quite like mine. More subtle. Good. Good job. Good interpretation. I'll get this out of the way now. I'll get it. We're done with that now, yeah? We're alright.

Starting point is 01:39:09 Until we need to make the... Stop eating that, you fucking monster! We're meant to be making a fucking serious drink. It doesn't mean I can't have fun at the same time. Stop. Have you put the dush-dush away? Dush-dush is done. And it's not going to fall all over the floor or anything?

Starting point is 01:39:23 Dush-dush done. What next do you want to do now? Do you want to do the toilet paper now? Should we do that last? It's up to you, mate. We should get on with the drink. Yeah, let's get on with the drink. Right, let's get this out of the way for now.

Starting point is 01:39:35 Right, so we go for our least expensive usually. Now, let's tell them why you do that, in case we haven't said this before. They always say start with your cheapest ingredients and a cocktail first. So if you make a mistake, you're not wasting a load of gin or fancy vodka or something. So I think the lemon juice would be our cheapest.

Starting point is 01:39:50 Now, why does it say we prepare it in the glass and not, for example, shake it? Well, with a traditional Tom Collins, you literally just build it in a highball glass, like a high, you know, just a tall glass, essentially.

Starting point is 01:40:03 Yeah. And you would pour all the ingredients over. But because we're making two of these, I thought we'd just stir it down a bit, get it cold. And then we've got extra ice in here to pour it on top of at the end, okay Paul? Because you like them cold, don't you? I like them cold.

Starting point is 01:40:15 So we've got, just checking the angle, just sort of making sure it's in the shot. The recipe we looked up for a Tom Collins is gin three to two with the lemon juice. So we're going to use 75 centilitres of this twice, which is 150 in total. So because, weirdly, for some reason, jiggers in this country are in 25 and whatever it is, rather than 30. They're in 25, yes, because I think that's the European, actually. 25. The European standard.

Starting point is 01:40:46 And 50. I don't understand that. Because they do ounces in America, which is non-metric. That's how I've learned. Cocktails, though, with the ounces, one ounce is 30 mil. You know what I mean? It kind of works in my head. For things like this, I don't think it matters so much,

Starting point is 01:40:57 because basically 25 mil is very close to 30. It's very close to an ounce. But we're building it in parts anyway, so it doesn't matter. Yes, exactly. Which means ratio to ratio, you can have any amount, can't you? But we're doing two in here. Yeah, two 25s.

Starting point is 01:41:12 We're building two drinks. We can just use the 50 then. Two 50s. No, two 50s. Two 50s for the lemon. We're using 75 centilitres of this twice, 150 in total. Right.

Starting point is 01:41:23 Christ. And then we need two parts. Lemon. Have you got enough lemon then? 150, so what's, if 150 is three, what's two? 300. No, if 150 is three parts, what would two parts be? 100 parts. Yes. So 100 of those. This is 100, isn't it? Yeah. A little over, but you never know. Well, let's see. Let's put a whole lot in. It's 100. We know it. We measured it. No, it's a bit over.

Starting point is 01:41:48 I want to be accurate. So that is 50. 50. 100. Should be about 50. Now, again, if you're... Well, there is a bit over. If you're making a single, obviously, you half this.

Starting point is 01:41:59 Obviously. Or, you know, find your own ratio. That works for you. Now, I think this syrup was quite pricey, unfortunately. That's pure lemon. Is that all right? Nice, though, yeah? Oh, that's a brassy, brassy baby.

Starting point is 01:42:16 What's this lemon? I'm having lemon attacks. Am I being assaulted by mouth? Now, one part this, which would be 25, twice, which is 50. So you use one, then. That's a lot, isn't it, for syrup? No, which would be 25. Twice, which is 50. So you use one then. That's a lot, isn't it, for syrup? No, it needs that sweetness.

Starting point is 01:42:30 No, I guess if we're doubling up, I guess. All right, so that's the syrup. That's got a nice pissy colour as well. Look at it, it's coming along nice with this. Nice pissy, pissy. Now the gin, and then I'll mix it, okay? Yeah. Then I'll stir it. Now 150 gin, which is three of those big ones, basically.

Starting point is 01:42:43 Yeah, it's a lot of gin. We didn't waste, We're not wasting gin. Oh wait, when are we doing this? After. When it goes in the cup? Yes. That's right. That tops it up.

Starting point is 01:42:53 So these are your toppers when you pour them into the glass. Okay, there's 50. 50. Lots of gin. I hope you're making this at home, especially those under the age of 16. 100. I haven't got the fucking strainer. I've got to go get the strainer.

Starting point is 01:43:03 What do you want the strainer for? Oh yeah. 150, yeah. You start mixing that. I'll mix it while you get the strainer. Now this is just making it colder. This is all with, I mean, we need to add the ice into the glass as well now,

Starting point is 01:43:16 don't we? Yes. So I'm just gonna stir this now and bring this and chill this all the way down rather than shaking it, which is a rather aggressive and brutal affair. But here we are, stirring it down. And I must say, it smells delicious. Weirdly, weirdly,

Starting point is 01:43:34 it kind of has a watermelon grapefruit thing going on. And we're going to add grapefruit at the top of it. So it's a very bracing drink drink I think this is going to be. Do you think that's cold enough now? Close the door. I've been stirring it non-stop and it's pretty chill so yeah. You've got it chilled. I'm happy with that. Alright we're going to put extra... I'm going to put ice in the glasses now. Yeah put ice in the glasses now. Just a couple of cubes will be fine.

Starting point is 01:44:04 We don't need to measure anything more now do we? No. Right, here we go. That's just a few. Just a couple. Shall we do like three each? Yeah, yeah, fine. Alright, so one.

Starting point is 01:44:20 Did you give this a good stir? Yes. Two, one, two, three. There we go. That's that done. Right. And what a lovely ice tray this is. Okay. Now I've got these oils ready. But my horse won't strain up. Yeah. Right. Here we go. I'm going to pour the mix out. Nice. This is exciting. Straight over the ice now this is going. Only half way you reckon? Do you need room for the...

Starting point is 01:44:49 Do you want to measure the fizzy out? Or just eyeball it? No, we'll do it, we'll measure it, yeah. So that will mean what? The water has to be one part? So 50, so two 25s? I think 25 of the pomelo and 25 actual soda, yeah. Alright, okay, cool. May I do these? Sure.

Starting point is 01:45:06 Yeah, it's good this. Okay, I've poured all that up. Literally the soda will just top this off. It's a little over half, so 25. Two 25s of each, isn't it? Now, and also, Paul, be careful. You don't wanna just dump it in because you want to keep the fizz.

Starting point is 01:45:20 No, I know, I do know that. I know I wanna keep the fizz. Pour it carefully over. One of those. I'll open this for you. Thank you. Oh, you know what we forgot, our oils. No, I've got them right here.

Starting point is 01:45:31 Yeah, but put a drop of each in here. Yeah. There we go, so that's that. And here's the pomelo. Pomelo. The problem I think we're gonna have with that is that's gonna have aspartame, because it's the light stuff.

Starting point is 01:45:42 We'll see. Yeah, but still, I think it's nice anyway. Alright. And then the oils. Alright, you having fun? Yeah I am, I like making cocktails. I just think we just put one drop of each. When I was a kid I used to do this but with soft drinks. You know, a bit of Fanta, a bit of Coca-Cola. We'll just put a tiny

Starting point is 01:46:02 drop in I think. Just a drop, one drop. A bit of Fanta, a bit of Coca-Cola. We'll just put a tiny drop in, I think. Drop, just a drop, one drop. There we go. See what I mean? Yeah. It is like those things, yeah. Keeps expecting this to smell like Calvin Klein

Starting point is 01:46:14 or something, if you put the vanilla on it. And the vanilla one. I'll give these a gentle stir. Then give it a gentle stir. We've added the oil, so we can see the little oil bubbles on the surface from the thing. Yeah, look at that. Okay. Now here we go. Now all we've got to do is taste them. Ooh, there's smells

Starting point is 01:46:29 coming off these oils, I tell you. Oh no, we've got to do the toilet paper next. Toilet paper! So let's do that. Now this garnish has not been attested before, people. Be careful, this is all wet now. Oh well, let's use some of the toilet paper. Oh yeah, handy. See, this is also handy. It's a recipe that also helps you clean the desk. You hold those cocktails, Paul. Yeah, I got them. Okay, there you go. So I'm just gonna put these here on the side of the fryer.

Starting point is 01:46:52 Give me the non-existent flake. Right, are we still, yeah, we're still doing it. Right, here we go. You don't need a lot. I'm just gonna give you half. And then Paul's gonna have the other half because he loves a flake. Oh, stop eating.

Starting point is 01:47:07 Come on, I've been trying to make it. I'm like, and the Eterna. Remember when we sold our whole wedding out for an advertising deal with flake? Did you? Oh, yeah, and everyone was like, that's not in very good taste. No, because everyone's at the wedding eating flakes. It was shit. Were they really? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:47:21 Oh, God, I'm getting such a strong lemon, orange and I think those oils might completely overwhelm the drink. We didn't put that much in. I don't think it will affect it that much. Is that poo poo colour? Yeah. Right how are we going to get that on our toilet paper? Well. Because we need to do it quickly before... Yeah, I know. Right, so, take a sheet. Give me a sheet. Two pieces. So they've got some strength. Yeah, we need to give you a two-piece. This is double-quilted.

Starting point is 01:48:04 So, here's what I'm going to do for mine. I'm just going to fold it into a square, and then I'm just going to roll it back on itself here and make a little tube. That's all I'm going to do. Right and then I am personally going to have a little bit of dabble. No, put some of this. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Sorry, yeah. Well, I'm going to use a little bit of dabble. I'm going to go for a more cubic formation. All right. use a little bit of down I'm gonna go for a more cubic formation get the poo poo on here I'm just gonna squeeze a little bit of my lemon on here now problem is is when you mash it up it goes kind of light oh that doesn't look good all right now and then you dress

Starting point is 01:48:45 dress our toilet drink there we go and look at that it looks like poo and then we just pop that on the side of the glass

Starting point is 01:48:52 alright now change the angle let's change the angle but there you go there are our urine vision piss fish

Starting point is 01:49:02 don't do that for fuck's sake I have to live here spread your filth your filth But there you go, there are our, your envision, piss fizz. Don't do that! For fuck's sake. I have to live here. Spread your filth. Your filth? Just come here to be filthy. Fuck you. Fucking boy.

Starting point is 01:49:12 Come and get the other angle. Hang on. Jesus. Oh, God. So here we are, look. Our lovely toilet... piss fizz. And I'm looking forward to...

Starting point is 01:49:24 Now, do we keep the garnish in as we drink? Yeah you have to. I'm going to do a bit of the sherbet so here we go. I feel sick already. Happy your envision. Cheers! Let's see. It does kind of taste like your drinking toilet cleaner. Got me banging and mashing it. Oh that's nice with the... With the sherbet. But don't you think the sherbet actually adds to the kind of toilet duck elements of it all?

Starting point is 01:49:59 Because it's quite artificial. Overall it's very citrusy. It's very bright. Would you want more syrup in there? No, I'm going to have it without the sherbet because I think the sherbet's brighter. That was a good idea for Eli to go half rim so you can taste it both ways. Indeed. Indeed. I'm going to try it without the sherbet. That's nice. It's very synthetically lemon.

Starting point is 01:50:28 I think it's kind of the superest lemon drink I've ever had. But it's almost like the gin is completely gone. It has kind of gone. It's got a hooch, it tastes like alcoholic lemonade, doesn't it? A little bit, but there's still a little bit of that gin... The heat. The aroma of gin in the aftertaste. A bit of gin up there.

Starting point is 01:50:44 Yeah, it does develop. I think it develops. gin, the aroma of gin in the aftertaste. A gin affair. Yeah, it does develop, I think it develops, I think you get a kind of sweet, upfront kind of lemony fake lemon, like a kind of candy chew lemon flavour, followed by that kind of sour, bright lemon tang. The deeper lemon, the sort of more fruity, more real fruit. The thing that sets your tongue off. Well that's the lemon juice. And then at the end, I think you get the gin at the back and that kind of petrol-y, you know what I mean, that kind of alcohol-y

Starting point is 01:51:09 huff round about the end. That's what I mean, the heat. You're getting more of the heat of the apple rather than the taste of the juniper. With the sherbet I would argue, as fun as it is, I think it kind of makes it a little bit too much of everything. It kind of exaggerates a lot of the flavour profile going in. I actually quite like that. I have to say. That would be lovely on a hot day. Yeah. If it was a hot day and you're in your garden,

Starting point is 01:51:38 listening to your War of the Worlds concept album. Shut up. It's true. Shut up. It's a abusive though, isn't it? Shut up. It's a abusive relationship, you fucking idiot. Exactly. No, this is criticism. It's creative criticism.

Starting point is 01:51:54 Not too much, man. I'm just going to give it... Wow. Paul. That's only three droplets. You put that in a whole batch of cookies or something. You know what I mean? That's why.

Starting point is 01:52:04 Who took the cookie from the cookie jar. It's not bitters. This is actually a baking product. You've really vanillaed that up, right up. It actually made no difference at all. You can smell it, but you can't taste it. Ooh, that's a really nice, refreshing drink. It is nice.

Starting point is 01:52:22 What a lovely, refreshing drink. Now, if you're watching this on YouTube, we'll put the recipe below in the description. Will we? I can't be fucked. I know, that's why I say it. You're always doing that. Just put this bit back and then... It's like the record.

Starting point is 01:52:36 It's what they say on the TV though. It's what Greg on How to Drinks does, doesn't it? He goes, recipe in the thing below. Yeah, that's because his whole thing isn't some stupid, abusive comedy thing. Can I clean all this shit up now, please? No, we have to keep... No. Sorted. So that's the video done for this, then.

Starting point is 01:52:57 What? Have you got all the guests? Yeah, well, we'll go through it later with the... We'll go through the list of things we need to do for the show. But songs are picked. The judges said they'll do yes. Yeah, well, we'll go through it later. We'll go through the list of things we need to do for the show. But songs are picked. The judges said they'll do yes. Do you get Ethan? Because I know... Well, we've got Helm.

Starting point is 01:53:11 He's doing a video. We've got Suze. She's going to be doing it. I asked a few others before. Did you ask Ethan, then? No, yeah, I asked Ethan. And he said he can't send a video, but he can make time in his schedule and be there on the night.

Starting point is 01:53:23 Okay, cool. Because, obviously, you know, he's kind of a big name. He and be there on the night okay cool so he's because obviously you know so he's kind of a big name he's doing well for himself you asked him to do that then did you yeah i asked him to uh come along yes yeah but i said i'd pay like expenses and like a small fee for him to be there on the night so don't tell anyone that he's getting a fee okay well how much is it it's a bit of money because he says basically if he does it he's giving up like this voiceover but they always say that everyone says that he says how much did you pay i said if we if he could cover paul how much did you pay about 800 quid me well it's like it's closer to 900 with the travel costs and stuff and petrol. Where did you get 900 quid from?

Starting point is 01:54:09 Well, because we just talked about the tickets for the other thing, I didn't have it in our account, so... Look, don't fucking tell anyone. But, er... I used the Digitiser Series 2 Kickstarter money to pay for Ethan. Fucking hell, really? Well, it's like, because Biffo's used... Why have you got that money?

Starting point is 01:54:30 Well, because Biffo's asked me sometimes, like, can I buy props and stuff for the series and cover the camera and stuff. I don't need to know. So he sent me, like, it's card details, didn't he? So I just used that to pay Ethan for the night. Look, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I'm going to end up paying Biffo back on. I just don't know how much Ethan adds, you know.

Starting point is 01:54:50 He adds a lot, you know. He's in the award-winning sitcoms. Yeah, but no one gives a shit about that. He's in Magic Mike and all that stuff. He's a big name. Yeah, but no one cares about all that who watches us. But it's good for us, though, isn't it? It raises our profile.

Starting point is 01:55:02 It raises, I don't know, 900. Mate, how are you going to put that money back? Where are you going to get that money? I don't think? It raises our profile. It raises, I don't know, 900... Mate, how are you going to put that money back? I don't think anything's all that fucking good at ACT-IT really, but it's really good for us, it's good to be reflected. I know, yeah, but... How are we going to give that money back? I'll figure it out, it doesn't matter.

Starting point is 01:55:19 Maybe I'll just give them money for my wage next month. Fine, it's good that we've got Ethan, I suppose. It's really good that we've gone, but look, listen, seriously. Don't tell Biffo. I'll just sort it out. I'll get the money back when we get there. I won't even remember. It's fine. Listen, it's fine.

Starting point is 01:55:32 Don't worry about it. It's all for the good of the show. Right? Okay. Fine. We're going to miss comedy. Exactly. What is it about you

Starting point is 01:55:42 and killing the energy in a moment? I don't kill the energy in a moment. We were having a good time. Drinks were being... You weren't having a good time. You just stabbed the balloon. Well, you were nasty to me. I'll be nasty to you. I know you will. That's the one thing. The one constant. You'll be nasty and bad at comedy as well. But those two things. Those are the two things. Don't try to attack me. But those two things, those are the two things. Don't try and attack me. You know what I am good at? What? Punching people, punching...

Starting point is 01:56:09 Smashing teeth in. Punching me in the face. Yeah, because otherwise, it's just you being a dirty little foul edgelord, aren't you? I'm not being a foul edgelord. That's what you do. You call me crap for comedy, but ultimately it comes down to you just being too much of an edgelord. You would have pushed the envelope, but your fat tongue can't even seal the flap. My what? Your fat tongue can't seal the flap.

Starting point is 01:56:29 Your fat tongue fell down there. Your fat tongue failed you. I think you were fucking lashing me with your fat tongue. No, it did, though. You tried to say something with fat tongue. Mispronounced. Oh, here we go. How he likes this, though, doesn't he?

Starting point is 01:56:41 He just got this today, everybody. Me tucker, tuk-tuks. You know what? Yeah, Paul. hand me that Snapple bottle. I know how we get out of this. I don't know what you're thinking with this Snapple bottle. Oh mate, MATE! Go on away, there's one behind you. Woah, well, what a twist.

Starting point is 01:57:02 I hope you were as surprised as I was by that. I hope you enjoy your Eurovision piss fizzes at home with the dirty toilet paper. Anyway, we're going to send you back to the studio now and we're going to get those results in and we're going to find out who is crowned Eurovision winner 2023. I can't wait. I can't wait.

Starting point is 01:57:21 See you back in the studio. It's fine. No, don in the studio it's fine don't go it's fine you've just stolen an enormous amount of money off me you stole it

Starting point is 01:57:32 by exploiting my wife I haven't exploited anyone alright you've manipulated my wife I haven't I haven't done anything

Starting point is 01:57:40 it's fine 800 quid it's not it was a little bit more than that it's fine just stop it guys we should talk about this later we should talk about this later It's fine. It's not it's not it was a little bit more than that. It's fine We should talk about this later we should talk about this in the first place. You said you were good for it. Yeah, well I was. It just doesn't matter. Guys, what's he worth? Is it even worth it?

Starting point is 01:58:05 It doesn't matter. What do you think about that? Look, just give me two seconds. We'll get through the fucking judges. The trick is to steal more money off me. And get through the judges. Fuck's sake, Paul. And then we'll just do the fucking episode, all right?

Starting point is 01:58:15 And then we can deal with all this later. We'll sort out the cash then. I need paying as well. I need paying. I need paying. You're not getting paid. I was even not getting paid out of my money as well. Hello, welcome back to Cheat Show.

Starting point is 01:58:34 Urine Vision 2023. That was all the songs. That was a fascinating video with a cocktail. Hope you can make that at home yourself. The piss fizz. The Euro Urine Vision piss f at home yourself. The piss fizz. The Euro urine vision piss fizz. Urine vision piss fizz. Cheers, everyone who's having a drink.

Starting point is 01:58:51 So now it's time for the judges. Get out the way of the camera. Fuck off. Fuck off, Paul. Fuck off, Paul. Right, so we're going to carry on with the judges now. We've got... We've got eight video

Starting point is 01:59:07 judges sending their scores in. We've got boards for this year. Do you want to have a drink? Yeah, I'll go make one in a minute. Do I have to move to put the board up now? Yes, you've got to put the board up. Oh, right, okay. I'll just go to the back, shall I? No, you can, whatever. At this point, we've just got to get fucking through this or I want to go home. Put these on. Put these on. You're not going home, you're a coward. I'll put them on. You can go home when you... We can talk about this later.

Starting point is 01:59:28 We can talk about this later. No, we can talk about it when I'm ready to talk about it. No, we can talk about this later on the show. We can talk about it later. Guys, we can talk about it later. Look, if you want to go, just go. No. It's fine.

Starting point is 01:59:36 Are you talking to me? No, him. Fuck's sake. Right, so we're now at the part of the show where the judges, they've given us their scores. Now we're going to break part of the show where the judges, they've given us their scores. Now we're going to break down how they have voted. We asked our judges to listen to ten tracks and then break. Stop walking around!

Starting point is 01:59:57 Do you want to be fucking doing my edit? I'll be there, taking the scores down. So, two points will be awarded to four tracks. Four tracks at the bottom, they get two points each. Right? And then three tracks, three tracks will be awarded three points each. Come back again to explain that a bit at the beginning.

Starting point is 02:00:17 Three tracks will be awarded three points. By who? By each judge. By each judge. Each judge will award the 10 songs this way for the tracks 10 songs this way man so are you deliberately doing this right now not deliberately doing anything i'm talking about clarity we need clarity we need some transparency yeah okay Yeah, we like transparency. Three points will go to...

Starting point is 02:00:44 Yeah. Three tracks. Two tracks will get four points, and the top most favourite track of theirs will get five points as the top score. And that's how we've asked them to vote. So, we're going to get straight into it. We've got a lot of get-through.

Starting point is 02:00:58 So, I believe our first vote goes to... Oh, what does it say on the thing, Tom? Oh,, God. So we're going to go over to Brian now and get Brian's vote. Brian, are you there? Hello. My name is Brian Wecht. I am one half of the comedy band Ninja Sex Party,

Starting point is 02:01:17 where I serve as its primary member and keyboardist. I'm one third of the comedy hip-hop band Starbomb, and very occasionally, you might know me from the Let's Play channel, Game Grumps. Now, I'm back here once again for what feels like the 10th consecutive year as a judge for your Envision. And so far, we've seen some real stuff tonight, some real showstoppers. The entries have been consistent with my expectations. I've been led to believe that tonight's event is the UK equivalent of what we have here in the US, aka the States. We call them the Grammys over here. So it's a real honor to be a part of what I was told was a very important and illustrious night. Now, without further ado,

Starting point is 02:01:59 I do want to move on to my rankings, the votes tonight um people i i i was very impressed overall um you know in in an event like this there are no true losers but if i had to pick four my bottom four would be the following and i'm just going to lump these into one genre which is weird guys talking over beats and those four songs are the Mayor Requests by Lee Spence, Take That Marrow by Paul Byrne, Fire Inside by Mr. Siegel, and Derek by Meters of Midas, in one of several questionable group names for this evening.

Starting point is 02:02:41 Coming in third, my three selections for this, and then here I'll be a little more verbose about what I thought. In no particular order, we have The Lament of Captain Blue Balls by Noiseland. My sense was this song might be about male ejaculation or the lack thereof, and I love how that paired with the very epic feel. After that, Funklederic by Morgan Kenning. Great lead sound in that, what I would call pseudo-space jazz overall. And also in, for my picks for third place, Come Round Here by Reefried Anal, which are two words that I was forced to say.

Starting point is 02:03:21 My two choices for second. And this was hard. It was hard to pick uh to to do the stratification between first and second my two choices for second are the hot sauce rap by star night light and run away by lj goody now these two were both great uh starlight night i i love the synth sounds on that song was hooked right away and just a really fun song i love any song that has the word yummy in it so you really won me over on that and uh run away by lj goody like a funny that's what the

Starting point is 02:03:50 true real american music real american vibe on that good fun kind of uh roadhouse thing that was almost my top choice except except my my choice for number one psycho billy by triple drop international this song just awesome. Love the surf rock kind of, you know, Pulp Fiction-y Tarantino vibe. You know, the cut we heard was like three, four minutes, but it doesn't get tired at all during that. Really great motion to it, great sound, just a lot of fun overall. So that's my pick for number one. Once again, it's been a real honor to be here tonight and, uh,

Starting point is 02:04:26 to, to Peter and Elvis. I just want to say, thank you so much for having me back as a judge here on your own vision. Thank you, Brian, for those scores. We've written them down on the board.

Starting point is 02:04:38 They are represented. I've done it. I just made it. Nothing. He did it as a favor. Please give it a rest. Right, we're going to go to our next judge now. This guy, he's an actor, performer.

Starting point is 02:04:50 He runs his own Eurovision night as well. He's decided to get involved this year. So, Frank Lohman, please come in and give us your scores now. Thank you, Frank. Hi, my name is Frank Lohman. Singer, actor and officially a BBC Eurovision nerd. Hence, I am so happy that I was asked to judge this line of art history. Now let me point out that I am very much a lyric person, so words mean a lot to me.

Starting point is 02:05:23 So here's how I judged. Two points for song number one, Come Round Here, Refried Anal. Who do you think I am? Two points for song number three, Fire Inside, Mr. Seagull. Two points for song number six, Runaway, LJ Goody. I mean, the jury should be out for pure plagiarism. It reminds me of something, that one. Two points for song number seven. Take that marrow. I do love a marrow. But I have to say, even the word pre-cum in the song could not save it.

Starting point is 02:05:57 Three points for song number two. Derek, meters of meters. I like a bit of meat. Three points for song number nine. The laments of Captain Blue Balls. Well, anything that contains the words balls and male ejaculation works perfectly well for me. Three points for song number five, Psycho Billy. Four points for song number four, Funkle Derek, Morgan Kenning.

Starting point is 02:06:25 Now this contains the words tiger and cock and Irish. Three of my favourite things. Four points for song number ten. The Mayor Requests, Lee Spence. I mean, it's about the protection of trees. What's wrong with that? And finally, my five points go to song number eight. Now, it's called the Hot Sauce Rap, Star Night Light.

Starting point is 02:06:52 I like this musically, but mainly, and I find it should frankly be called Frank's Hot Sauce Rap. I love hot sauce. And what's wrong with that? Now, if this has inspired you, why shouldn't it? If this has inspired you, you can find me pretty much everywhere either under Frank Lohman, L-O-M-A-N, like you know, Willy Lohman, Death of a Salesman, but still alive, or Frank underscore Lohman for Twitter and Instagram. Have fun. Bye.

Starting point is 02:07:27 Hey. Hey. Frankie, thank you very much. PP Vision. What's that mean? PP Vision. Oui, oui. Oui, oui.

Starting point is 02:07:38 Yeah. Do you like music? Oui, oui, vision. Move this out of the way. Give me that. It's not important, the gin, is it? Concentrate on the score? So that's what's important Is it is so far? All I could Yeah

Starting point is 02:08:01 I made one. Yeah, well guess who. He's talking about getting a projection. Well guess whose fault it was that I had to do this when I could have got a screen. Oh, you're blaming me now? I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying you're right. If you were hard up for cash, you should have said that. Because now I look like a dick.

Starting point is 02:08:18 Yeah, you've made it very awkward, man. Right, our next contestant is Adam Larkin. Our next judge is Adam Larson, comedian, director, writer. He's in charge of the Weirdos Comedy Collective. I've asked him to do some judging, and these are Adam's scores. Go! Hello, everyone. My name is Robert Downey Jr.

Starting point is 02:08:39 You may know me from the Iron Man films. It's a real pleasure to be guest judging your envision today. Some incredibly talented entries that I've seen and heard with my ears as I've been resting out here in sunny California. I'm gonna talk you through my scoring of these entries. They're all really really good I just want to stress that even if some of the entries did cheat a little bit, I'll get to that in a second. Coming in at the four pointers, the four two pointers, the two point tracks, then I'm going to give four, four, four, two points to, to these four tracks too uh the first was a blues song and that was uh run away

Starting point is 02:09:27 uh that song of course is a blues song like those other famous blues songs made famous by the blues brothers or daniel beddingfield uh i felt like the song was about like a person traveling somewhere going somewhere going to a place, which of course, it was cheating. My other two-point track was Funkle Derek by Morgan Kenning. The story was from the perspective of someone called Derek, and it was very groovy. I did like that it was pushing the anti-estate agent agenda, which is of course cheating. Psychobilly, which is the name of the song but also the genre, reminded me of being in all those Robert Rodriguez films. This one referenced cutting fresh steaks from your

Starting point is 02:10:19 thighs, and that of course is cheating, so that gets two points there uh the lament of captain blue balls reminded me of the ever popular sea shanty phase from the internet from several years ago uh and it's about your balls being blue unfortunately i don't like sports so i have no idea what was going on there that gets two points and getting a sort of higher tier now and those that are getting the the the three points the free tracks three points I'm giving the hot sauce wrap which is about hot sauce which I really liked to remind me of new order that was lovely come round here by refried anal it was nice it was sort of like a cheap show. Apex Twin was lovely.

Starting point is 02:11:07 Derek by Meters of Meters. The instruments were fast and the words were slow. And it reminded me of the computer game Wipeout. She used to play on set a lot. A lot of fun. Those tracks getting four points, just two tracks. Fire Inside by Mr. Seagull. This is almost my top place here.

Starting point is 02:11:28 It's a narrative about finding comfort in music, sort of anti-Billy Joel, really nice. I like that the lyrics didn't quite scan there. It felt like the music and vocals were made separately, which is very nice. Take That Marrow by Paul Byrne. Also getting four points there about cooking a marrow, but definitely more about Eli, and it was the only song which rhymed zucchini with bikini, which was very nice. And of course, you've guessed it, my top track would have to be The Mayor Request by Leigh Spence. It was political. It was spiritual. It referenced sheep going through a high street.

Starting point is 02:12:07 And it's also about power. In many ways, I saw it as the sequel to Leviathan or Machiavelli's The Prince. Really good work. Really good songs. Great work, everyone. I'm Robert Downey Jr. Goodbye. Oh, thank you very much, Adam, for your score.

Starting point is 02:12:24 They've been added to our your envision 2023 scoreboard it's all kind of close at the moment i think we've got in the lead here paul got any hot sauce wraps taking an early lead now psycho billy's not too far behind uncle derek not doing too bad look at the mayor request on the level. There's only one behind Hot Sauce Wrap at the moment. Returning winner, Lee Spence. Give me the pen. Alright, there you go. Dave Philpot Philpot. Is that more fun? Mate, don't comment on the comments.

Starting point is 02:13:00 Is that what you want? Is that a big cock? Is this what you wanted to do? Is that cool? Is that cool? That is not cool. Is this cool? That was not cool.

Starting point is 02:13:09 That wasn't cool. Right, another judge with more scores coming in. And this one is very special. You know them as a friend of the channel, Octavius King. But today, they are Louis and they're giving their scores. Now, Louis, over to you. Over to you. Hello, it's Louis or Octi the guy behind the Octavius King YouTube character

Starting point is 02:13:30 I am gonna be doing this for you Paul out of character because even though I do find you tolerable I actually can't be bothered to get into the costume or the character. I also will occasionally hold up a rat All right, let's listen to the first track come round here by a name that I'm not going to say. Okay no, no I will not be coming round here and I am very scared to do so. Next Derek by Meters of Meters. Okay this one just sounds like the inside of my brain after too many Baileys so it's nostalgic for me. I'll give that one a three. Next Fire Inside by Mr Siegel. Now this one is beautifully out of key and tuned despite the use of a vocoder. It's actually quite impressive and charming. Also, the subject matter is very depressing, so I'm going to give that a three.

Starting point is 02:14:12 Next, Funkle Derek by Morn and Kenning. Good storytelling, impressed by the inclusion of a completely pointless cock, therefore really does remind me of Cheap Show. Going to give that one three. This is an opinion shared by my rat, Rice Pudding OBE. Number five, Psycho Billy Triple Drop International. Yeah, I'm intimidated by the obvious talent at show here and nearly deflected my own insecurities by giving it a one but I'm gonna give it a five because it's also incredibly gross and it's put me off eating and I'm on a diet so that works out quite well

Starting point is 02:14:41 actually. Number six, Runaway by LJ Goody. You're also intimidated by the talent on the show in this one but it's about maybe shagging which isn't that gross so it's not really fitted for cheap show which is the most sexless production to be put on air. So I'm not going to give that one a five, that one's getting a four. Take That Marrow by Paul Byrne. Okay yeah so Marrows are already very gross but the addition of the very strong image of Eli wanking is deeply upsetting so please take a score of two and fuck you very much for that image. Hot Sauce Wrap by Star Night Lights. Yeah very important topic that should be wrapped about more yeah I'm gonna give that a four the lament of captain blue balls by noiseline jesus guys please stop with the cum give two oh the mayor requests by lee spence okay this one sounds like the theme

Starting point is 02:15:32 tune from a stop animation kids tv show set in a council office please don't give netflix any ideas that's a two well cheers for that audio feast. Here's a wrap. I've got another one. I've got another wrap. Bye. We're back. We're back. Hey.

Starting point is 02:15:54 You're in vision. Louis, thank you very much. World domination. And look, Psycho Billy's popped ahead. No, no, no. Still sauce wrap. Still sauce wrap. Heading away. But Psycho Billy's not too far behind. Psycho Billy on 15.. Oh, no, no. Still sauce wrap. Still sauce wrap. Hanging away.

Starting point is 02:16:05 But Psycho Billy's not too far behind. You've got Psycho Billy on 15. Funkle Derek doing good on 12. Everyone's getting a lot of points from all the judges tonight. Tom, who's next on the list? Ash. Ash. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 02:16:17 Ash Frith couldn't be here today. As a result, he sent us a video of his judging. He didn't offer him enough money. No, he was gigging. Did he enough money. No, he was gigging. Did you pay him? No, he was gigging. How many people did you pay? I mean, he's the only one who wanted money.

Starting point is 02:16:34 It's because I thought this was going to be worth it. It is legit, but come on, mate. No, I just thought... A legit gig. If you would think it was... If you had just been honest with me, we could have worked something out. Look, the point is, it doesn't really matter, does it?

Starting point is 02:16:46 Because it's going to get sorted out, it'll all be fine and dandy. Is it going to be sorted out? How is it going to be sorted out? Just calm the fuck down. I don't know because people associate me with you. Yeah, and people associate me with you and you're a fucking load of nothing. So who gives a fuck? I'm a load of nothing, but that's better than being fucking someone... A thief, a thief. I'm not a thief. A thief? I borrowed the money to give to Ethan

Starting point is 02:17:06 and I will pay it back to you. Alright? You'll get it back. Ethan, you've got to give Paul the money to give back to me. No, I'm going to give you. I will pay you back. So you mean like we've been having arguments and stuff? Yeah, and he, because he somehow manipulated me.

Starting point is 02:17:22 She gave me the card details anyway and I asked. Thanks. I asked. Thanks. I asked. I just dumped everyone else in it as well. What's wrong with you and your bus driver? I don't want that. I wouldn't have put her under a bus. Do you know what?

Starting point is 02:17:33 Do you know what? Let's just go to Ash Frith's phone, please. Ash, Ash. Hello, Ash Frith here. Ex-Fairweather guest host. What a pleasure it is to be here from my south end bunker. The standard, the upper end of the bar has been raised magnificently this year. I will say this year the lower bar has also dropped significantly. It's dropped slightly more actually actually so on average the quality has dipped

Starting point is 02:18:05 but that's unavoidable i come around here by refried anal did enjoy this song i say that i've given it the lowest points possible i liked it i like the concept i really like the bit where it cuts to paul breaking it down sort of explaining the song i really i thought that was well done but a little bit repetitive for my tastes two Two points. Funky Derek from Morgan Kenning. I liked the way that it ended with fuck you. I enjoyed the fact it was from Derek's point of view. I thought that was very well done. I think you should be pleased with your efforts. Two points. Derek, Meet Us of Meet Metis I like this song, it sounded a lot to me like Very Early Prodigy That's a big tick in my

Starting point is 02:18:50 I said tick, my mind There was a problem when my wife Walked in when I was listening to this And asked if it was me singing And then all I could hear was me It sounded like me, and that was very disconcerting Because I'm 99.99 sure i didn't sing this song two points fire inside by mr seagull bold singing i've thought really really bold um i do

Starting point is 02:19:14 have the suspicion that mr seagull sang this song before he they had made the tune didn't seem to add up didn't seem to marry up, but that's fine. I enjoyed the singing, like I say, very, very bold. Two points. Runaway by LJ Goody. Now this, I thought, sounded a lot like a Noel Gallagher track. I unfortunately find Noel Gallagher incredibly boring, but I think it had potential. I thought the tune was great and I thought it sounded very professionally done. You've got more to give. This did not stretch you musically and I enjoyed it enough to say

Starting point is 02:19:52 that I look forward to your next year's entry because I think that'll go a long way. So three points. The Lament of Captain Blue Balls. I liked the song about the non-smaffing pirate and I enjoyed the sort of pirate references the double entendres so congratulations you get yourself three points psycho billy by triple drop international brilliant musical production sounded really

Starting point is 02:20:18 professional very good musically forget about your envision it's a decent song three points the hot sauce rap by star night light this was excellent really enjoyed it a big step up here um really good production values i like the sort of squelchy sound that's going along throughout the song it was so good i think this should be a jingle for the actual podcast maybe i'll listen again it's doubtful but I quite enjoyed it so four points take that Morgan by Paul Byrne a very evocative song I liked how it used things from the podcast it got a little bit too real disconcerting again as a lot of these are from my tastes maybe have a tune before you just start singing but I did very much enjoy the song shong so for you it's four points the mayor requests by lee spence five points this is a great song

Starting point is 02:21:16 really enjoyed it it's actually stuck in my head it's the one song i think that i will repeat um it kind of reminded me of the hit trackers Guide to the Galaxy. And I can't explain why. I just like the vibe of it. A real good song. I want to hear more by Lee Spence. Again, if you're knocking this out for Eurovision, what else are you capable of? Absolutely brilliant.

Starting point is 02:21:38 It's my favourite song of the entire Eurovision this year. Five points to Lee Spence. What a great song. Oh, we're back. Oh, way. Thank you very much for that, Ash. Thanks for sending that four minute video in as opposed to the nine and a half you sent at the original delivery.

Starting point is 02:21:52 We snip snip. We snip snip that. Snip snip that. Snip snip. Eli did a big stinky. And we're all suffering, aren't we? Only because I laughed so much. He let off a horrible eggy...

Starting point is 02:22:06 It was so much more fun off camera. Yeah, it was a lot of fun off camera. You know, let me tell you everybody, it was the kind of outside, save it for outside, away from people fart, but it came out just because I was laughing. And I don't know... Who's the real victim here? Yeah, you're right. Who is the real victim? Is it you?

Starting point is 02:22:25 I am. I am. Who blew their guts out? Or us who had to breathe? It was actually quite bad. I didn't know it was going to be that bad. Are you? We didn't get up for it.

Starting point is 02:22:32 We were saying you could do it. They didn't get it. You got it. I got a big mouthful of it. I'm glad you got some. Thank you. Right. We have a few more judges to go.

Starting point is 02:22:41 How are they doing though, Paul? Step back. Let's have a look. Hot sauce wrap still in the lead by lots of things, but only just mere requests. Not too far behind. Runaway still holding up. And Psycho Billy.

Starting point is 02:22:51 Strong. Psycho Billy. Very strong. Psycho Billy. Very, very strong. Some love in the house with the Psycho Billy. But we have more votes to come, so let's go to the next one. You know him off the old YouTube internet as Stuart Ashen,

Starting point is 02:23:03 but we know him as Ashen. Ashen, give us your points. Hello, I'm Stuart Ashen and we here at Ashen Industries take our role as a Eurovision judge extremely seriously. Our professional song evaluators undergo a rigorous three-month training program at one of the world's top music institutes. Only then are they allowed to listen to the entries before putting their opinions forward to our patented three-line jury panel which ensures that the maximum amount of care is employed at all times. Right, two points to Psycho Billy. Two points to Runaway. Two points to The Mayor Requests.

Starting point is 02:23:51 Two points to Lament of Captain Blue Balls. Three points to Take That Marrow. Three points to Come Round Here. Three points to come round here. Three points to fire inside. Four points to the hot sauce wrap. Four points to Derek and five points to... what is that? I can't read the first bit. Funcle Derek. There you go. Thank you, Stuart, for your well thought out and considered

Starting point is 02:24:28 voting system but thank you we appreciate it the scores have been added and look look everyone's got scores scores out there hot sauce wrap may request funkle derrick psycho billy all leading the pack at the moment but we have got a few more votes to come in and don't forget. We've got mr. Biffo and Ethan's votes They let it fucking go for now We're in the middle of a show be a bit professional Excuse me How that fucking footage got in that video Well, no, why would you fucking put that in anyway when it was

Starting point is 02:25:13 feel like People need to know about things why? Because this is all just made it a fucking shit show now as it's not Before well, thank you, but all I was trying to do is put a fucking simple show on. By using my money, you filthy thief. You know what I mean? Ethan might- So we don't have Ethan one year! Ethan spent it on, I don't know, drugs. He didn't spend it on drugs.

Starting point is 02:25:40 See, there's no need to fucking start that off now either. I tell you what, actually- Actually, we're more victims here seriously yeah actually the pounds in expressions yeah I mean stop talking about that it's not appropriate well you got another video to come in we got one last video serious but we've got two more videos fuck me right our next video is from actor and comedian who's recently on the cheap show episode with Biffo recently Paul Putner he's given up his scores put there are you there can you hear me yeah

Starting point is 02:26:14 I'm pretending no hello I'm Paul partner and I'm a judge this year on your envisioning 2023 like to say very much for inviting me again to the Pappy Fine Club guys. Yeah, so let's begin. The first two points go to Paul Byrne for Take That Marrow. That Eli, Eli one. Yeah, it didn't really do it for me, but well done Paul nonetheless. My second to vote goes to Mr Seagull, Fire Inside, a poignant little number somewhat in the vein of I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. Next one was Runaway by LJ Goody, very good, very accomplished. I like the beginning sounds a bit like Blockbuster by the suite not blockbusters with Bob Holness the quiz show from the early 80s it's for meters of meters I like the

Starting point is 02:27:11 name it's called Derek very good should have had foghorns yeah because it did bring me back to the 90s you know the 1890s down on the docks you do a lot of foghorns I could imagine myself like that in a club. Okay so we're now into the tier three section of my voting and it's Funky Derek by Morgan, Morgan, oh fucking hell, Morgan Kenning. Yeah, yeah. And yeah I like the my name is because we've had my name is my name is what my name is you know eminem my name is prince my name is luca the uh susan vega one uh triple drop international psycho billy and it's very psychobilly yeah i mean very accomplished excellent in fact musicianship um It's got that kind of Dick Dale...

Starting point is 02:28:07 ...that one. Good use of lyrically with Brussels sprouts. You don't often hear Brussels sprouts in songs, do you? refried anal yeah yeah excuse me refried anal always has me reacting like that you see someone's at the door now and I'm in the middle of judging I'm not not gonna answer it not gonna answer it the lament of Captain Blue Balls by Noiseland. Wow, well, this was epic. I would have put this at number one. I mean, it's the most ambitious number out of all of these. And it's a very high standard this year, I have to say, from everyone. Even the ones I gave two points to.

Starting point is 02:28:59 My second four-pointer goes to the lovely Lee Spence. He's our 21st century Sid barrett you know he's got the early pink floyd those lovely double track vocals and um i'll buy his album so now we come to the five the big five and i'm gonna award this to the hot sauce wrap by star knight flight i think it's that is it, I thought it was smashy. Whallop! Have some of this. Put a donk on it and all that caper.

Starting point is 02:29:30 And well done everyone, you've all been amazing. And let's, let's raise a glass of piss to the URINVISION 2023. Brackish. Thank you very much, Paul Putnam. Now, before we get to our final few votes, it's important that we mention, and I forgot to mention at the top of the show,

Starting point is 02:30:00 that the winner of tonight's show will be getting a real prize. And we will be making sure that prize is sent to you not too long after the show. We'll be in touch. And what is that prize? Well, first of all, you can have any merch from any of the Cheap Show merch shops you want. Tell us what you want. We'll order it for you. Sort it out. Get it to you, whether that's ours

Starting point is 02:30:18 or Voratoni's or whatever. Get in touch. We'll sort that out. The second thing is, this is the lovely thing. This is the lovely thing. On Cheap Show, we've had little dollies made, haven't we? We have had little dollies made.

Starting point is 02:30:31 Grumpy, no, multi-fibbage. Lovely little dollies. And that was done by a very creative Twitter follower called Nicky, also known as Crafty Cornfield.

Starting point is 02:30:41 And, chef's kiss. Nicky has brilliantly decided to put together a urine vision trophy for us and this is it I'm going to hold it up because I forgot to add it to our stream that but this is what the winner will be getting today the first knitted cheap show look at that your Envision Trophy 2023 that'll be cost how much is that cost? How much did that cost? Anyway, that's going to the winner.

Starting point is 02:31:07 That's going to the winner as soon as we can. With a choice of merch that you need as well. And that's it. So who will that lucky winner be? We're going to find out now. We've got a few more judges and now we've got is it Suze we've got

Starting point is 02:31:23 next? Yeah, Suze Kemner. Oh, that's exciting. Big name Suze Kemner. That's exciting. She would have done it for a little bit less as well. What's she doing? So, Suze, give us your vote, Suze. This is it.

Starting point is 02:31:34 It's votes at master. Okay. I've been a year in vision judge for a number of years now and I would like to say that I'm honoured to be the judge for Eurovision 2023 but the reality is there's shit that needs calling out. I thought that by now Paul would have given me back the £20 that he stole from me. I know he did it. I know that that's what happened. And now I've found out over the past year that it's not just me that he takes money from to spend on his own projects. that he takes money from to spend on his own projects.

Starting point is 02:32:30 So, I refuse to judge your Envision 2023 without at least my £20 being returned to me. Those are the stipulations. Good luck to all the competitors, but you're working with a thief. So you stole from her as well? No, that was a misunderstanding because she said I could borrow it back in the day. And since then-

Starting point is 02:33:00 How much, how many of this? How many? Well, look, we were meant to go to Nick's video video but he's not decided to get involved this year either. Why? Because you didn't pay him? He sent me a message, hang on. Did you fuck him over? He just sent me a message, now hang on. The fuck, Paul?

Starting point is 02:33:15 I'm not going to be a judge on this year's Eurovision Song Contest. I've done it in the past and I've actually fucking enjoyed it. But this year, I'm out because I'm out. Because Paul fucking Gannon, I've heard'm out because paul fucking gannon i've heard from suze that paul fucking gannon yeah your fucking hero ladies and gentlemen your fucking king yeah king paul the fucking third paul fucking gannon has been siphoning off money from every yeah from everyone else's projects and he's been funneling it into his own he's an absolute fucking reprehensible piece of shit and I'm not going to be

Starting point is 02:33:45 fucking involved in this travesty of a music competition. I believe in you guys, but I don't believe in Paul. Hashtag, I don't believe in Paul.

Starting point is 02:34:03 Sending my love to Eli. Thanks very much. Thanks, Nick. Love to you too, Nick. I'm not the first. No, it's not like I... No, that thing was Susan's misunderstanding with the whole thing.

Starting point is 02:34:16 Misunderstanding like... What I did with you was completely fucking different. Please just give me a break. Give you a break for what? Because you just lied! Can we just get through this fucking show? How do you want that back? We've had so many documents

Starting point is 02:34:32 and you've got no idea. You've come between us. Fifth wedding anniversary. Yeah, wooden anniversary. That's not the time. Is that chicken or eggs as well? I just want to know if you're actually Did you have it? Where is that money? It's in Ethan's box. Not the fucking surprise. Is that a chequered noise as well? I just want to know if you're actually... Did you have it? Where is that money?

Starting point is 02:34:48 You've got the money to pay it. It's in Ethan's bum. Can you please just give me your votes? Can you just give me your votes? Yeah, but I think you should step away for a moment. Right, can you just take his votes? Can you just add them to the board and I'll step outside for a bit?

Starting point is 02:35:04 No, no, you fucking go. I'll give my vote, but you get out of here. votes can you just add them to the board i'll step outside of it yeah i'll stay out so you go all right i'll give my vote but you get out of here right get out get out dirty modern day fagin right what are your scores then in reverse order well what any order you like all right derrick mrs and meters what's that now what's that? Derek. Two points. Come round here, two points. That's on the other one. Fire Inside by Mr. Seagull, two points. Take That Marrow by Paul Byrne, two points. Why are you doing that noise?

Starting point is 02:35:38 I've explained already. Fuck's sake, man. I've explained it, it looks like an old-fashioned bicycle horn that hasn't got a bulb. Third tier, three points. The next three. Where's Paul gone? He's fucked off from Good.

Starting point is 02:35:49 I'm not going to give it another three. Psycho Billy, three points. Next year, next year. Third tier, three points. Three points for Hot Sauce Rat. Two points to Runaway by LJ Goody. No, four points. Everyone's personal favourite in the Chiefs show. Four points. Four points. And the lament of Cassie Blue. No, four points. Mayor requests, everyone's personal favourite in the Chiefs show.

Starting point is 02:36:05 Four points, four points. And the lament of cats in blue balls, five points. I'm so angry about this whole money thing. I'm coming in. All right. Pulls back in now. What did you give five points to? Lament of cats in blue balls.

Starting point is 02:36:20 I heard it from outside. You were loud. Right, so now he's got one more fucking thing to do, let's just get this sorted. We need Ethan's scores and then we'll eat that. How's it looking? In terms of that, it looks... Ethan, please give us your fucking scores for the last ever one. Alright, what have you got?

Starting point is 02:36:37 Come round here, two points. Come round here, two points. Er, two points to Derek. Not fun called Derek, Derek. Where's my thing? Have you fingered it, Grease? Fire inside, two points. Fire inside, two points. One, two. Mayor requests, two points. Mayor requests, two points. One, two.

Starting point is 02:36:57 Are you alright, Paul? Funkled Derek, three points. Funkled Derek, three points. One, two, three. Fuck off. Run away, three points. Run away, three points. One, two, three, fuck off. Runaway, three points. Runaway, three points. Fuck off where? What? Lament of Captain Blue Boys. Lament of Captain Blue Boys, three points. One, two, three.

Starting point is 02:37:14 Now we're into the four-pointers. Psycho Billy. Psycho Billy gets four. One, two, three, four. Take That Marrow will be another four points. One, two, three, four. Finally my five points goes to the hot sauce right away. Which is really good. Thanks Ethan, thank you.

Starting point is 02:37:30 Thanks Ethan. You can really go by yourself. Yeah, doll it up. Dull it up. So, ladies and gentlemen, I can finally announce the scores for your envision 20 23 Finally, thank you again to everyone who's helped do this tonight Tom on tech

Starting point is 02:37:51 I'd like to thank pseudo safety for moderating the chat in YouTube tonight Vara Tony for the your envision inspired are that we've used throughout the show and of course Crafty cornfield Nikki for the trophy the winning prize today Of course I'd like to thank everyone who took part, all the judges. And I'd like to thank as well all the people who crafted music. Whether you got to the final ten or you didn't, thank you. It means a lot that you get involved.

Starting point is 02:38:14 But now it's time to rank the top three. And I'm going to rank the top three now. Are you going to rank them? I'm going to rank them off. Okay. I thought I could do a spank bit there. Do you want to do a spunk bit there? Yeah, let's do it. I'm just done with this. I'm fucking checked out. Blah, blah, blah. Spank it on the page. them off. Okay. I thought I could do a spunk bit there. Do you want to do a spunk bit there? Yeah, let's do it.

Starting point is 02:38:25 I'm just done with this. I'm fucking checked out. Blip, blip. Spunky on the page. Right. Joint second place, because there's three top three, but two wins. Top three. The top two.

Starting point is 02:38:37 No, two joint second. Second joint. Joint second. Second goes to Psycho Billy with 30 points and the mayor request But the winner we have an astonishing 37 points this year is the hot sauce wrap by Star Night Light In the week we'll sort out that prize for you. Just wait a second. Oh, what a great show. Can we just stop this now?

Starting point is 02:39:10 What a great show. Right, before you fucking kick off. I just want to make sure we can get out of it. So we're going to end the show tonight by playing out that winning track again one last time. Thank you so much. Please. And please enjoy the hot sauce wrap. What a priceless show.

Starting point is 02:39:28 Why don't you just fuck off? Stop it! Stop it! There's no need for that! There's no need for it! Go get it! Stop it! Stop it! No need for that! No need for it! Go get it! Stop it! Stop it! Why are you going on it? I'll pay you back! I'll pay you back! I promise! I'll pay you back! I promise! I'll pay you back! Stop doing it!

Starting point is 02:40:03 Pay me! Pay me as well! I don't pay anyone! Just pay me! Well, well! Fucking moneybags over here! Long time coming! Long time fucking coming! Fucking brutes! Fucking brute! Scum! Fucking scum!

Starting point is 02:40:20 Just gonna fucking try to make a good thing happen here today! With my money! Forgetting it back, you fucking hunk of cunt Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, o What do you mean? Prick! Please! Oh just fuck! Punk your balls! Well just finish the fucking thing! Fuck off off the set! Get off! Fuck off out! I paid for this thing! Just finish the thing!

Starting point is 02:40:49 Out the set! Just leave it! Fuck off! I paid for this thing! Just leave it! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!

Starting point is 02:40:54 Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!

Starting point is 02:40:58 Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!

Starting point is 02:41:02 Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce! Hot sauce Fuck yourself at home. Fuck off. Thank you, Lee Spence, for... That's not the winner. Thank you, fucking Star Knight Light,

Starting point is 02:41:31 whatever, who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Eh? I give a fuck. Every fucking week. Fucking let me down. Stop it. Listen!

Starting point is 02:41:39 Stop it. Anyway, thank you for joining us for your Envision 2023 this year. I've been Paul Gannon, that's been Eli Silverman. Thank you to everyone who's been here tonight. Thank you for joining us for these three hours. And look... Oh, you piece of shit!

Starting point is 02:41:55 You fucking prick! You piece of shit! Come on, then! Come on, then! Oh. Fuck off. I can't move it. Just don't want to stay here. Oh Fuck off I've got an Uber I just don't want to stay here

Starting point is 02:42:09 You can't stay here I just don't want to go out You have to they're gone He's not going to be waiting for you Come on mate I just want to go home Look 5 minutes just get your shit together Get yourself together

Starting point is 02:42:28 Gives me time to show people what's in there Listen just fucking wait a second. Yeah, you're gonna get up It's I've got two new sauces From McDonald's you've got the creamy ranch on the right there nice I tried it and then the chipotle mayo some really unsettling cover and cut color the covers fine I'm both of these but it's the color it's a sort of diarrhea re color it's kind of it's like colour. It's like toffee. It looks like toffee. It's spicy toffee. Paul, come on man. Alright, let's go.

Starting point is 02:43:12 Alright, come on. Give me your hand. Come on. You there protect me? Yes.

CheapShow - Ep 336: Urinevision 2023

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