CheapShow - Ep 338: Who Am The Panty Man?

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

After a few weeks of song contests, real time episodes and walkabout adventures, Paul and Eli are back in the House of Sausage and Eggs for some wholesome and earthy cheap and cheerful segments. They���ve found some proper discount snacks this week, tasting a range of budget bites and fizzy delights. There’s an Irish Monster Munch knock-off to sample, something a little tasty for instant noodleheads, a traditional potato snack with a confounding gimmick and a soft drink from India that is more fascinating than the cheap chaps first think! Sadly, any joy taken from these nibbles will be sapped away in the Silverman’s Platter segment. It unleashes three truly soul crushing audio oddities that range from the saccharine to the outright offensive. Can you survive these vinyl record hellscapes? Paul and Eli are barely able to! Despite all of this, one question remains… Who Am The Panty Man? You’ll regret asking, that’s for sure. Actually no… One more question! Who the hell puts a serial killer’s painting for sale in a charity shop? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-338-who-am-the-panty-man And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

You're going to have to fluff me today, Mr. Silverman. Why? Because I am not in the mood. How about this? How about this? Vigo Mangina. Tell me more about him. Well.

Squelch. Spodge. Snooge. No, right. Spidge. Spidge. Here's what's going to happen, right, from now on. Oh, I'm Vilgo.

Vilgo. That's more damp sounding. Vilgo Manshwana. Stop just saying shit. I'm fucking fluffing you. I need better. Vilgo Manshwana. I need you. Viljo, Manchlu, Ro. I need you to spit in your hand and get me all fucking worked up for today.

I need to slather your palm in saliva. I've got one question then for you. Yeah. Who am the panty man? Who am the panty man? Why? It is Viggo Cusplatti. He loves it.

He's on board with the panty man. Who am? Who am? Who am the panty man? Why? it's Viggo Hampersand. Paul, who am the panty man? Viggo Hampersand. There you go, I've got the name down now. Viggo Hampersand, the panty man. What does he do? Is it horrible?

Yeah, he doesn't want to know. In that case, let's end that character there then, shall we? Well, you know. I wish to do a more wholesome show from this point on. Okay, what's a wholesome character we can have? Cupcape. Cupcape McG... Cup character we can have? Cupcape. Cupcape. Cup.

Cupcape. Father Cupcape. Ah, hello. I'm Father Cupcake. Oh, and I'm Bunty. Bunty. I'm Bunty Cake. Cake Willow.

And we're going to give you some wholesome entertainment this week on the Chief Show. Do you know what I have? A folder. But it's a powder folder. Do you want to start this one again? I'm not feeling it. No, Viljo McSchmurzen. No, it's not.

We need to have words. Do we have the panty man? No, Eli, we need to have words. No, we don't. We do. No, we actually, to do a podcast, words are quite important. Words. I have words.

What words do you need from me? It's weird being back in this. We've done so many episodes where we've been like in a studio out and about but now we're back in the sweaty old palace of ham spam eggs spam bacon spam spam and eggs i think we've used all the words we can on this podcast i think we're out of words just one thing yeah who am who am the panty man who i've actually been working on this can you just Not punch the mic of your stupid head

Because you're doubled over with your own humour Do you know how pathetic that is? To find yourself that funny At least someone does Yeah, well, guess who am not the panty man Me am not the panty man You am not Let's just get this fucking podcast going

Alright I hate you and your fucking noodle posse You am not. You am not. Let's just get this fucking podcast going. All right. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Chief Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Chief Show. Off-brand, brand, brand, brand, brand, brand. Cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat.

Cheat Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannonannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle So, following on from the last week's little walkabout, impromptu walkabout episode, Paul Yeah, it was nice that Didn't someone say it was an airfield?

There was one nearby. Right. That part of the town has lots of airfields, because when we were out doing the other end of the Selendine Walk, that was an airfield right there and there, wasn't it? It was up around there, yeah, it was. Don't talk about fucking planes on our podcast.

Stop, do better. Stop do better. Stop prodding me. You didn't even say hello. My. Do better. Stop. Do better. Stop prodding me. You didn't even say hello. My name is Eli Silverman. Hello, my name. Because you do that stuff. All right.

Hello. My name is Eli Silverman. And I'm Paul Gannon. And welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops, and... Basements. Bonanzas. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Basement bonanzas. Oh. Basement bonanzas. Oh, I had a basement bonanza. I found a great little basement bonanza the other day. Yeah. Went down there. Yee-haw!

I was running around in the basement in my undies. You've got nothing this week, haven't you? You've got nothing. I've invented a whole catchphrase. I kind of feel like there's something we need to say, and I don't know what it is. I kind of feel like there's something I should to say, and I don't know what it is. I kind of feel like there's something I should mention at this point. No, there's nothing.

Other than the fact that congratulations once again to Star Knight Light for winning your Envision a few weeks ago. Yes. The trophy is on its way to him, and he wanted a few magazines from Cheap Show magazine sent his way, so we're going to organize that to him. Well done to you once again, sir. Congratulations.

What a fantastic track. Who was the winner the first time we did Urine Vision? I can't remember. I mean, mate, you put me on the spot now.

Not who was the winner, but which was the winning song then? We know it was Country Over New. Yeah, Between. And then the next year he did Country Over New

with Tesla Kipchins. But that didn't win the next year. No, that wasn't entered into competition. That was a kind of Brucey bonus. That was a good

Brucey bonus. And then we had Lee Spence win the year after that with... Nostalgia's going to get you. That's the one. And then this year it was... Hot Sauce Rap. The Hot Sauce Rap. So I think my favourite's still the first year we did it.

I don't know. They've all been great songs, and hopefully we'll do it again next year, provided I don't have a massive mental nervous breakdown beforehand and after and during. And just constantly low-level mental breakdown. I don't have a massive mental nervous breakdown beforehand and after and during. And just constantly low-level mental breakdown. Yeah.

I don't want to break this to you. Yeah. That's what we all called you. Low-level breakdown, man. Yeah. Yeah.

We go, oh, Paul, low-level mental breakdown Gannon's coming back in the room. It's funny how I can have like mini mental breakdowns on an almost weekly basis.

Now it's great. No, it really helps me infuse. You am the panty man. I've decided. I you am the panty man you are not i am not the panty man i think you are who am the panty man not this man i think you am wait is gannon the panty man yes panty man gannon yes which actually sounds like a really crap reggae artist but let's not get into let's not get we're gonna we're gonna have to get into that later anyway foreshadowing for just selects border warning we're doing platters today um this might be the most unhinged and certainly the kind of like off kilter odd collection we've had so far it really

is three pieces of horrendous crap but they're all really terrible in their own way. In their own specific beautiful ways. They are all truly gut-churning music. Yeah, no, I think there's that one that is pretty ugly altogether. Apart from the sleeve design, which is strangely pleasing on that one. Strangely pleasing, but ultimately, at the end of the day, it's what matters in your ears that counts. And that's indeed what this podcast does, because it is the Comedy Economy podcast

for your ears. Yes. But if you support the show on Patreon, there's all sorts of audiovisual. Audiovisual? I like how you think

you're helping with the podcast admin right now, but it's like watching someone drown at a distance. I want to help, but you're too far out and I can't swim. Moving on. Okay, I can move on. I'm fine. I'm here to support

you this week, Paul. You're not. I know you've had a tough one. No, I don't like seeing you have a little mini weekly mental breakdown either. I call it my Wednesday wobble and it's just a lot of fun. Such a lot of fun. I think a lot of people in the pleasant climate, not the pleasant climate, the present climate,

I'm the pleasant fucker. I'm not a pheasant plucker i'm the pheasant plucker and i won't stop plucking pheasant till the pheasant plucking is done on a certain wednesdays i want to mention this anyway i put it up on twitter just before we started recording but what the fuck is that with a john wayne gacy copy i am poco whatever the clown is painting right in the window right in the window the one around the corner for me yeah I think that the people who work there are brilliant volunteers uh but I don't think they have a lot of um engagement with the sort of internet culture where people like Gacy have become notorious let's say do you see what I mean put it this way I don't really understand that they saw that

and didn't know it was a copy of a piece of work by a famed serial killer. Clown. I don't think so, no. No. Otherwise, they would have said, let's not put that in there. However, with that being said,

it is still a disgustingly haunting, nightmarish image that I don't think you should put in your window, regardless of who painted it. Yeah, but then you're talking about a matter of taste, you know. Yeah, and my taste is don't put weird scary clowns in your shop window. It is off-putting. Better be

snapped up by some weirdo. Anyway, that is the same charity shop. It's why I love that charity shop. It has a proper funk. It has a funk aesthetic in that. You can go in there and they have literal half used bottles of shampoo in there. You know yeah no and that's not that is not the mainstream as far as charity shops it is not a mainstream shop it's about as far away from oxfam i mean oxfam a lot of them

that 50 of the shop is just you know product new product moomin stuff or yeah which is brand new which is fine but also you look at shelter a. A lot of Shelters now are revamping their image as well, and that leads to an almost sterile look when you go into them. It's sterile, and I think Oxfam becomes sterile. I mean, Oxfam make up for it by having those fantastic

music and book special tracks. Depending on where you go. But those are often extremely good. And overpriced. Just putting that out there. there was that one in cambridge it was all records wasn't there yeah that was nice and that's like that charity shop in cambridge we used to go to all the time which was just again similar to the one around the corner just full of random mad shit yeah mad mad mad mad stuff and i that was my favorite one to go in personally and i think in terms of us as a podcast paul we prefer the more funky end of the scale,

don't we? It's fine. I get it. Charity shops are getting a resurgence. They want to look respectable on the high street. They revamp.

They want to look modern, inviting, get it. However, none of them have the same draw as a what the fuck's that in that box type of charity shop. Which we all grew up with our own love.

And that is the adventure. That is the romance. That one in Cambridge, there used to be a box in the corner that was just adventure. That is the romance. Like that one in Cambridge. There used to be a box in the corner. It was just full of pants. Underpants. Please don't let them be secondhand. They wouldn't be.

There's tights in that one around the corner for me. That's it. That's the mark of a proper funky... Knickers. Knickers and undies. Well, just someone who's got a box of one thing. Like those... The porcelain rabbit. Magician rabbit things.

Yeah, there's like a whole they've still got loads of them in there it's madness where do they even come from where does it even go it's obviously old stock that people just go

oh I have this some of my favourite things have been just crap like old promotional items so some business is shut down and they've got a bunch

of whatever you know flight bags with their logo on if you go to a charity shop and you can see the any of these items you know you find a good one if you find a charity shop that has medical bandages in there tick right if you find one with a lot of donated old baby technology like bottle washes or milk breast pumps? Check. Big bag of knickers? Check.

They've all got all of that around the corner. Random disassociated measurement jugs? Check. And finally, Toby jugs. Great stuff. If you get a Toby jug at a charity shop, you've found a good one. Great stuff.

And the works of Barbara Streisand and Chris Christopherson, because that seems to be there. Chris Christopherson, oh. Well, again, bit of foreskin shadowing. Foreskin shadowing. Foreskin shadowing. Oh. So you just pull the hood out.

Or you could do a little puppet show. You could. So you get someone at the right angle to your foreskin. Yeah. And then, oh, who would,

you'd have, it's a two-man, it's a two-person. It's a two-man job. Yeah. You'd need, you'd need someone with very small

little hands. Puppets. Jeremy Beadle could work my cock flap. I'd let Jeremy. He's a professional. He's a professional broadcaster for years. And, you know, game for a laugh.

Yeah. And he would definitely be my top pick for... Being wanked off. No. No, not puppetry of the penis. Shadow puppetry of the foreskin. Shadow puppetry of the foreskin. And that would be a big...

Mate! Sit on that. No, we should. Don't even cut that. And that would be a big... Mate! Stop. Stop. Sit on that. No, we should. Don't even cut that out. That would be a big hit in America. That could be huge. Because in America, they're not big on foreskins. I'll have to get my foreskin enlarged.

I'll do it. I'll do it for the cause. I've started weighting it down with pegs and weights. Oh, you already have. Yeah, I take a clothes peg, and I tie it to a weight on a string, and I just clip it on the end, and I just walk around naked in my flat, getting the drag on. Yeah. Getting the drag on.

Getting the old drag on. Is that what they call it? Yeah. I mean, that sounds like something else entirely. Yeah, it sounds like a Welsh pub

but it's not. It is my now... Oh, I'm going down the drag on. My now Wynsockian foreskin. Now that

is an eulogism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My Wynsockian foreskin, Wynsockian foreskin, Wynsockian foreskin and I put it up for sale. Wynsockian foreskin, Wynsockian foreskin, Wynsockian foreskin, and I put it up for sale. Wynsockian foreskin, Wynsockian foreskin.

Yeah, but you're making it sound like the advert for Sylvanian families. Wynsockian foreskin, and you can meet Mr. Snail. And that's ten minutes. We are now done with the opening called open. We are going to do platters, and we're going to do right now a little dive into some cheap eats. Let's get right into it. Cheap eats. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap eats. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Che Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep dead. It could happen. Well, you could have such a severe little mental... Who do you think is going to go first out of you and me? I don't want to talk about that, Paul. See, odds are good

that it's you. Just because of the way you live, the way you look, Look, shut up. You eat plastic. Yeah, but you drink too much.

That's not... I blacked out the other day. Anyway, moving on. Do not be bringing the dirty linen. I'm more likely to die suddenly out of something weird happening.

Like, he was fine yesterday, but then his brain burst. Well, you dislocated your finger in your sleep. Yeah, it was fucking weird. Waking up to howling agony as my finger was wedged between the bed and the wall. And I just popped it out and then cracked it back in again. What a way to start your day. And that was a Wednesday. Not great.

That's your mental bump day, isn't it? It's my wobble Wednesday. Now, Paul, just to pick you up on something. Yes. I may have got blackout drunk the other day. You could leave this alone. You don't have to go into it, by the way. I just want to tell everyone that every single week, I have at

least three days, 72 hours, where I don't touch a drop. I don't touch a drop of alcohol, but paul and people say that's good for you is it yes because it gives you time to fucking get ready for the next massive binge on the weekend gives your liver some run-up you know i just worry about you you know i know thank you i just worry about you because you know on my own i would be a massive failure i couldn't do this on my own that's, that's nice of you to say, Paul. It's true.

Everyone universally would hate me if I was on my own talking about this stuff. Just universally. I think they'd probably just ignore you. I think people only really like me in any respect because they look at you and they go, well, at least he's not that. Shut up. No one says that.

They do think I'm some kind of a troll. I'll be honest with you. Wobble Wednesdays may have become Trouble Tuesdays. Trouble Tuesdays. Trouble Tuesdays, which is the day we're recording on this week. We are on a Tuesday. Trouble Tuesday.

We're on a Tuesday this week, Paul. I'm doing my best to stay alive for at least another cut till we get to, you know, episode 500. If we can get to 500 and then tap out with our deaths then, I reckon that's perfect.

I reckon that'd be a perfect way to go. How old would we be? About 80 by then. Fuck it, whatever. We won't be 80. What are we on now? 350 almost. We're getting towards 350 in September.

And that was eight years to get to there. Yeah, but we've got to remember, two years we were monthly, then fortnightly, and then after that we went weekly. So it's not exactly comparable. It'll be quicker. But it's 50 to one episode a year, right? I reckon we'll get to 500 in about three or four years. So what, you'll be 50?

Yeah, 51. And I'll be like 48 or something. That's what I am now. I'm 48. Fuck me. It's so hot and sticky here. This episode's over. I want to die.

No, it's cheap eats. Let's console ourselves and our encroaching mortality with... They can't all be winners, boys and girls. Some episodes are traumatic. But it's important to realise that these are just heightened versions of how we really feel. This is just for amusements, isn't it?

It's all for fun, isn't it, Eli? It's for fun. Funny amusements. I just feel so hot. I am the panty man. Who am? Who am the panty man? I am the panty man. Who am? Who am the panty man? I am the panty man, Ganon. I am panty man, Ganon. Muller Corner.

Right. Panty man. Oh, imagine you had panty man. Who am panty man? I imagine him as the new queef huffer. Panty man. Yes. Got knickers for every occasion.

Boxers to muffle. Wide fronts to restrain. Oh, he's got all sorts of pant-based accoutrements. Thongs to kind of fire away. Yeah. You could have everything. You could have hardened poops. All right.

I don't want to get into scat. If I'm going to launch anything from... Hardened poops. All right. Hardened balls of... No, there's not going to be any poo or wee based. It is all clean fabric. What about discharge?

They might be used. He could have some kind of special ice tray where he puts fanny discharge in. He makes gun bullets out of fanny. And then he's got super... Who am the panty man, Paul? You know, one day I'm going to keep you alive just long enough so you can see me boil your heart outside of your chest in a pan of water. How could you do that?

Easy. I drug you. You need a lot of medical equipment. I'll figure it out. All good serial killers do, don't they? You should go buy that painting. I should go and buy that Poco painting and say, who are you, sir?

And I'll say, I am panty man. Does it say Poco on the painting? Yeah, it says I am Poco painting and say, who are you, sir? And I'll say, I am Panty Man. Does it say Poco on the painting? Yeah, it says, I am Poco. And Poco was definitely Gacy's clown name. I think so.

I think so. All I know is that whatever that painting is, it's either a shit copy or a reprint. Either way, why would anyone want that apart from our most

troubled of individuals? Now, segue. Segue. Oh, yeah, we're doing cheap eats here's our first one it's horror based so this one came in a box now i am very sorry because a few po boxes all came at once i had to do a flat cleanup things got moved around this either came from kyle rowe who sent us a bunch of stuff and we'll get into that another episode or it came from um hang on, I've got a book. Or it came from Bea from last week, but I'm not quite sure. Or it came from Shauna and Sean from Germany

who sent me that big box of Spunk. Not the real box of Manajaculate, but those candies we had that I really, really liked. They managed to get a huge big box of them and send them my way with a few other gummies, which, sorry, I've already eaten. What were they? Like a Percy Pig knock-off and that unicorn gummy thing. Oh, how were they? They're fine.

The vegan Percy Pig was surprisingly lovely for a vegan candy, which often don't do very well. Really? What's the problem usually with vegan candy? The texture's wrong. The texture's wrong and the flavour feels weird. Those were good. Yeah, really good. And so a big box of those Spunks, which are delicious. I've got two boxes of Spunk as well.

And they gave us a few other things as well. And I don't know if these snacks came from that or not. However, they have come in a recent PO box and we thank you. Thank you very much. Now, these I can see are manufactured. Our first item on Cheap Eats today, Paul. Yeah. Manufactured by a company called Perry. P-E-R-R-Y-I.

Talk into the mic, please. P-E-R-R-Y-I. And it says established 1958. And these are from Ireland. Oh. So are these some kind of competitor to Taito? And we had a mixed bag of Taito's on the last episode, didn't we? And Bea did send Taito to us.

So maybe Taito and this is a whole thing it's an Irish brand thing Well this is a different brand that I've never seen No And these are Perry and it's a little

bloke with a moustache and he's wearing a little chef's hat Yeah How many mascots for food across the world are there?

I mean that's when you've just given up conceptually You're just like I need to come up with something That's when the board of generals

on your food company are just a bunch of fat old white men who still think advertising's based on what Oxo did in the 1930s. It is basically a sort of racial stereotype, again. It's that Italian thing or French, isn't it? It's like Italians or French are cooks, sort of thing.

Are, you know, because that kind of... What would a British alternative be? Just, what, a big greasy spoon fat bloke with a pinny on, with a fang out of his mouth. Well, that's the thing, isn't it?

I know we circle around to this a lot when we talk about food on this show, Paul, but the culture in this country was so fucking shit in the 70s and the 80s in terms of like the quality of the cuisine was terrible, wasn't it?

And anything, even like Italian food or Mediterranean stuff like hummus, was seen as hugely weird and exotic. Even pasta. Yeah. I remember when pasta was shocking to have. Isn't that so weird?

I remember my first, like, bolognese meal with pasta. I was like, what is this? Yeah, this crazy sauce on noodles. We should be shunned at the Working Men's Club. You know? Anyway, these are Banshee Bones, which I presume is the brand. How have we done ten minutes of this? What the fuck?

Because we're having fun, Paul. And we're having a little moment away from our mental health, stroke, physical health, stroke addiction problems. I will be able to see the scars of my mental health. Okay? I'm panty man. I'm getting into it. I'm moving this forward now. You am panty man. I am panty man. I'm getting into it. I'm moving this forward now. You am panty man.

I am panty man. Banshee bones. And it's quite a scary, for a packet crisp, quite a scary lady. She's a hag or a ghoul. What do we think? Well, it's a banshee. Ah. Well done.

Fucking idiot. Sherlock, well done, Watson. Now now what's that thing that's on the packet that she looks like oh yes but what is it on the packet that she looks like now banshee is irish isn't it as in banshees of iniskerum it's an irish folk demon i think essentially certainly i think at least celtic or something it's a cic folk demon. Very much like a zombie vampire or witch. It's like a witch crossed with a kind of siren. This one is very blue, giving it an undead tinge.

But what is it? What is the snack? What does it say it's a snack? Oh, there's little bits of graveyard there. That's great. Adding to the undead sort of vibe. The aesthetic of the pack, all well and good. But what is the actual thing we're eating?

We haven't gone into that. What kind? I thought they were going to be like those, what are those? I keep forgetting the fucking name we're eating? We haven't gone into that. What kind? I thought they were going to be like those what are those I keep forgetting the fucking name of those

Takis I thought it was a Taki knockoff. What's the flavour? Salt and vinegar. So it's not even like it's an extreme salt and vinegar.

I think you know it's maize so these are Monster Munch. Oh all are like chipsticks. From the little feely feels

I'm getting at I'm feeling these are Monster Munch Banshee Munch Bosham Open Banshee munch. Bosham open. Banshee munch. £1.25. Bosham ocean.

Goblin munch. Bosham open. You know? Goblin munch. Goblin munch. I am panty man. Right, I'm going to give it a nuff nuff. All right.

I'm giving it a nuff nuff hole. Oh, I've made a tiny little nuff nuff hole. Tiny little incision. I'm pinching the nuff nuff hole that I've already made. Just for anyone who's following along at home. Pinching the nuff Nuff hole that I've already made, just for anyone who's following along at home, pinching the Nuff Nuff hole closed with my fingers. It's Trouble Tuesday for Paul. And I'm giving it, look at this,

I'm reinvigorating the Nuff Nuff air around all of the objects, and now for the Nuff Nuff injection, everybody. This is the moment you've been waiting for. Right up my nostril. Oh, I'm getting a sort of paint thinner sort of thing. Really? Can I have a snuff? Yeah, of course. No, it's a salt and vinegar flavour.

Yeah, it's a salt and vinegar flavour. Salt and vinegar on the nose. It's very cheap salt and vinegar flavour. Yes, that's the sort of artificial thing I was picking up on. And they do look like little, I guess, like bones. But they actually look like angel poos you get in packaging. Oh, little packaging peanuts is what you're talking about actually I thought

they texturally feel like well he's put one in he's put one in oh yeah oh I suppose what are they meant to be like bones

right put the crisp down now because I'm sick of having to edit around you talking and eating they're quite nice they're cheap they have that same kind of cheap

crisp flavour and texture but are they unpleasant? No. They're fine. They're not that cheap. They're like a Transformer snack or one of those. Yeah, like that. Or Space Raider. Rather than that. They don't have that real, nice, aerated

crunch that a proper Monster Munch has. Monster Munch crunch. They're softer, aren't they? Oh, they're alright. I like those. What are we going to give it? I wonder what other flavours they have. We could look it up, but I don't want to. No, two. Maybe we'll come across them again.

Maybe we will. And maybe the panty man will be there that day to save us as well. My guess is those are sort of like an Irish equivalent to Monster Munch. I mean, they are horror based, even though Monster Munch is much more on the funny side. Yeah, because you know what? If I closed the pack and then said have one and told you it was pickled onion, would you think that flavour was pickled onion?

It's very close, isn't it? It's very close to it. Specifically, the Monster Munch pickled onion. Now, do you want to have the drink now to sort of clear our throats or clear our palates rather? Or should we go straight on to my noodle adjacent one? Straight into that.

Now, we've done things like this before, Paul. This is, I picked up yesterday. I was actually hanging around at Barnet and North Finchley Way. Yeah.

Where we did the original quest. Quest. Walking about. I was up round there. Because there's a few nice little charity shops up round there.

Yes. Well, I bought some of the discs up round there. Oh, round there. Round there. And I came round here.

Now. What is this? Baby Star crispy ramen snack because people these are snacks that came out of people

just eating raw cakes of instant noodles. Yes. And then they started I presume that's healthy to do anyway. It's fine because they are already cooked.

As we know instant ramen is flash fried. Yes. And that's what gives it it already cooked. As we know, instant ramen is flash fried. Yes. And that's what makes it... It's cooked, essentially. And then you just sort of reinvigorate it with the boiling or freshly boiled water.

Right. So it is fine to eat as... I mean, not that you would. You would. I would. Fair enough. But what they've done here is they've taken that idea, smushed it all up and added flavouring to it, right? Yes.

So like crisps have salt and vinegar and barbecue or whatever. This brand, Baby Star, seem to have different versions of like ramen dishes, Japanese ramen dishes. So tonkotsu... So what's this one then? Is the white bone broth. Yes, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, the pork broth. With little rondelles of pork in. I love that. Alright, whip it open, give it a little half a tea egg. Here's a little photo on this. To give you an idea of what it also could have been. Now, tonkotsu has a lovely salty umami flavour, the broth. Let's see if that... I don't know if you've had that before,

and I don't know how that's going to translate. We have had tonkotsu, but the Nissan ones we did. The Nissan black garlic, that's tonkotsu, yes. Yeah. Very good, very good. Yes. Now, go on, open it up. And I'm going to use the technique I used before.

Yeah. I'm pinching the little the technique I used before. Yeah. I'm pinching the little, the snuff spigot. It's called pinch-to-shake-off. It smells like an instant noodle. Yeah, really does. Really, really does. He's doing a similar thing. He's blowing some snuff air up his nozzles.

Yeah, it does just smell like you just opened the Anissan box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to open this up, you fucker. Get open. Oh, it's a tiny hole. They had other flavours there, like a spicy, but I thought this was the most interesting.

You look in the pack and it is just very thin strands of instant noodle. The other form that these instant ramen snacks come in are cubes. Do you remember the cube? They do cubes that are sort of

glued together. Which I think I'd prefer. Do you? But this is very much like something you'd get in a Bombay mix. Isn't it? How's the taste on that? Oh, nice. Oh, there's a sweetness. Oh, yeah, like a deep, savoury... Oh, that's nice. A nice porky. Sweet and porky. Sweet and porky. Which is what they used to

call me in school when he took me for dinner to meet his wife and two kids because I got on well with them. Weird. The kids were called Sweet and Porky. Hello, I'm Sweet. And I'm Porky. Want to play in our treehouse? Ooh, I'm Cake McGee.

Woo! You can't, no, you can't throw in a new character called Cake McGee. I'm not allowing it. I want Cake McGee to live. You know what, if we did release a spin-off podcast called Eli Silverman's Mad Mouth Hour, where you can just get all this fucking shit out of your system. I don't know if I could rein it in during the normal podcast. Would I have to be sober during these normal podcasts?

Yeah. Like, oh, okay. Hello, Paul. Yes. I want wholesome entertainment. Okay. Hello. Hello.

Okay. Hello. Right. Like a normal podcast. Like normal people do. Yes. Okay. Yes.

Okay. You know? Where they use words no no it's fine and sentences critical whole rest of the episode whole rest of the

little promise little promise to you whole rest of the episode no noises from me no nonsense words okay tee hee I'm still gonna be

the panty man I'm the panty man that's nicked now yeah from uh Juicy Jeremy I'm the pantanty Man. You can't have another copy character.

I've got to come up with a new character. I've got to come up with a new one. Paul. I've got to come up with a new one. Oh. No. Oh, I'm the Panty Man. No, I can't do that.

Oh, I'm Kinky McGee. Oh, I'm the Panty Man. I can't do that one. Wait. I will not be doing any new characters. Okay, on to the next. So, the snacks keep on coming. What have we got now?

Now, this, it's hard to see what this is called, but it caught my eye. Again, up in Barnet, high Barnet I was, Paul. Yeah. Looking around. This is the epitome of cheap eat, right? This is nuts. I can't tell. Because it's not even an is the epitome of cheap eat, right? This is nuts. I can't tell.

Because it's not even an old brand. I don't know what this passion is. Passion? That's what it's called. Le Passion. Le Passion of the Panty Man. And it has a character. Is it the Panty Man?

And it's a lady. It looks like a lady or a little girl in a green bonnet with yellow yellow hair tied back it's super sweet that i'm the panty man and the panty man's gonna come to you i'm the sweetest panty man oh i think we've answered the question everyone what who am the panty man i'm the panty man that's it that's it i will suffer for my sins. On the cross, I will be the passion of the penny man. Good. Now, are you ready to... If you could just go into the waiting room.

All right. Good. Bye. Good. Do you have any sexy unused panties that I can add to my arsenal? There's just tea and coffee in there, really. We don't keep clothing on the site. You got any clean panties down here

or some nice, sexy, dirty panties that I could have? Oh, panty man. Oh, is that what he is? I can smell your panties. And I can smell some coming from your room. There's a nice beetroot in there. You can go in the house of pickles.

How about that? Oh, he's like a pig in shit. He snuffles them out. He snuffles them out like truffles. Well, at least he'll be distracted there

for a little while. I've got a panty truffle snuffling character. Well, at least we discovered who I am. Yeah. Yeah.

Now. I am the pen man. He is. He certainly is. Now. You be sweet. I'm glad you... You workshopped it.

You arrived at something. It works. I'm not particularly happy. Next, what's this? Can we please get onto this? But basically, these are just potato sticks, right? Now, this is a transparent package

containing what look like ordinary potato stick. Now, what is the British equivalent of these? Because they're not chip sticks and they're not fries. Well, no, because a lot like supermarkets will have things exactly like this just under a packet of potato sticks that's what they're called yeah they never had one brand that they stuck to but these are simply potato chips in the form of these like fries spikes

like fries spiky tiny little matchsticks yeah size sticks like potato chip matchstick this is crack to me though i. I love them. When it comes to like bare, basic, whatever, in a bowl, not even thinking about it, just pounding it into my mouth as I'm editing. This is my like jam. Yeah. But what is unusual about this is what you're about to explain, right? This is a transparent packet.

Le Passion, like I say, is the brand. Yeah. But what caught my eye was it has a little sachet of ketchup in there with the crisps it's not like and i'm guessing this isn't actually liquid ketchup but is no that's liquid ketchup why would you have liquid because someone thinks the plan is it's not like salt and shake where you pour it into the bag and move it around because that'd be disgusting it's more like you have it on a plate or a dish and you dip your little chipsick into it which is not something i think is common practice for this kind of snack.

Weird. But that's the plan. To treat it like it's a bowl of, you know, chips, french fries. Like it's like french fries, yeah. So it's like a french fry pretend french fry thing. Almost like play food, I guess. Weird. Because I'd imagine maybe there's one with mayo in. Possibly, yes. Or brand sauce.

It's amazing. It's an amazing innovation. If it works. No no it's not an innovation come on it's like salt and shake but with wet sauce paul it's huge this is huge for us it's not this is really not this is huge for the podcast so you have to admit that this is a whole new form of crisp and sauce fusion that don't confuse it with fucking high-end food like it's no it's not high end i'm talking about the concern how do we shift all these potato snacks ah fucking banging a ketchup sachet the other thing i want to say about these type of uh matchstick fry things i've passed them

is do you know in south america venezuela especially and I think they do it in Cuba, the hot dogs, and I think they do it in Brazil, hot dog, you'll have ketchup, mustard, whatever, and onions, but then they put those, those crisps in the hot dog bun with the sausage. Have you ever had that? Yeah, I like that. That's great. So what I don't understand, there's a little kind of seal here or something which says Del Sabor.

Maybe that's the name of the company. Del Sabor, yeah. It's a company. Translate Spanish. Oh, it's a Spanish company, I think. Hello, we are the craftsmen of flavour. Yeah. Artisan of Del Sabor, yes. We make the best

artisan foods in Spain, from goat and sheep cheeses to hand-canned preserves. So it is high-end. But this, I mean, it's a different logo, but it's the same company name. Well, they must have changed their logo at some stage. So how long have these crisps been banging about then? I don't know.

They were £1.69. Let me see if they're still in date. Yeah. Maybe this is just still in date. There's no mention of the packet of sauce. Weird. I don't understand. This also relates to the fact that on the continent, Paul, the most popular flavour of crisp is...

What? Tomato ketchup, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. So I'm not going to bother with the... Mate, there's loads of fucking companies with that name. With vastly different logos. Perhaps it's just sort of a generic...

Is it like Acme or something? Is it a phrase? Like to say, the best of value or something? Yeah, it's like saying, the artisans of flavour. Oh, yeah. Why don't I just translate that? It's the artisans of flavour. The artists of flavour.

The producers of flavour. The manufacturers of flavour. The craftsmen of flavour, basically. Yeah. The top craftsmen of flavour. Now it says it's Mexican. Oh, I don't know. Either way, it's a conundrum.

Right. Very strong vegetable oil smell coming off those. They all smell the same. I know what these are going to taste like. It's fine. But we need to open the ketchup and try them together. No, you do. They're very salty.

You don't want to. No. I don't want to dip it in shit cheap ketchup, which tastes like daddy's. I know what it's going to taste like. I think I'm more confused by its existence than actually its need to contain ketchup to improve its flavour profile. But could you do it with other things?

Could you do it with like Monster Munchen, like a little chilli sauce? Yeah, you never think of really, I mean, it's not big in this country. Again, crisps, the culture in Britain was always crisps as a little lunch thing or like an individual pack. You know what?

I'm bored of this product, mate, actually. Stop. Stop with this. I'm tasting it. I'm going to move on to the final thing. No, I'm tasting it. You taste it while I talk about the last thing. I'm like, no.

Look, ketchup's coming out. They're just boring fucking potatoes with ketchup in a sachet. They're saying you're getting a greasy spoon calf I don't we're not pushing boundaries here we are we're not

Paul why do you have to poo poo everything because you've just poured a lot of shit ketchup on a lot of crisps that I might have liked to have tried it later

but now I don't want to fish it I don't want to I don't want to I absolutely don't want to touch that shit mmm yeah great

no now you've made half decent bland snacks uned to touch that shit Mmm Yeah great no Now you've made half decent bland snacks Unedible with that shit ketchup They're quite nice actually Nice and salty Eat them and stop talking Do you want to try? No

Alright go on to the last thing then Stop chewing and then I'll continue talking I'm not having your fucking adenoidal gobshite breath Breathing down the microphone as you guzzle down more fucking potato product. Wow. Fuck me. Jesus. Right, so here's the fourth and final thing.

I was in a corner shop not too far away from me, and I saw this on a shelf, and there were no other bottles of it nearby. One bottle? It was just this one bottle. It's a tiny little bottle as well. I must get it. I must. What is it? 250 millilitres?

Oh no, it is exactly 250 so fair play. So, this is a little bottle called Thumbs Up but it's Thumbs Up Thumbs Up logo Thumbs Up

but it's spelt without the B. It's a red thumb funnily enough because remember that big red plastic thumb full of sherbet we had recently? Oh yeah.

That was red as well. Why are thumbs always portrayed as red? Because they get enraged, don't they, if you fucking mess with them. Big, big... If you fucking

thwop them around. Thumb out. You fucking engorged thumb. Thumb your semi in. You know what I mean? You have to thumb that semi in. It's all red.

You know it. Right. So I've only just done some research on it now because I wasn't quite sure what it was and I had to get it because it was like

50p or something. It doesn't say cola, but it's cola flavoured and it says contains caffeine. Caffeine. So I got it. Cola coloured rather. And I looked it up.

And then something struck me. I have seen this before from a birthday. No, from a partner's birthday. We went to Dishoom, an Indian restaurant. Really nice place. They served this. And I remember it now because Thumb Up, sick, which means they didn't put the B in,

so it's meant to not have a B in, is an Indian brand of cola. It was introduced in 1977 to offset the withdrawal of the Coca-Cola company from India. The brand was later bought by Coca-Cola, who relaunched it in order to fight against Pepsi to recapture the market in India. Wow I wonder why Coke had to retreat from India in 77. I mean look I mean I don't know

we don't know there must be something going down. I mean it's probably in this huge Wikipedia article but let me just read this next little bit. As of February 2012 Thumb Up is the leader of cola in India commanding approximately 42% market share and an overall 15% market share in the Indian-errated waters market. In 2018, Thumb Up announced that it will launch the beverage in Bangladesh, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and Nepal. And in 2021, the company became a billion-dollar brand

in India. So this little thing I've never heard of before is... Huge. Huge in India. So hang on. Created in 77 after the American company Coca-Cola withdrew from India due to regulations requiring it to disclose its formula. So because they went, no, they buggered off out the country. But it shows how powerful they are and how rich they are as a corporation even then.

Oh, but guess this. It goes on. And also because they were required to sell 60% of its equity to an Indian company under a government plan for foreign-owned companies to share stakes with domestic partners. Yeah, so they tried to... If you want to come in here and sell our stuff, you've got to sell a line share of it to an Indian company. Yeah.

Wow, funny. And there's lots of other stuff about the history of it there, blah, blah, blah. Now, what do we think it will be closest in taste to uh it's just say here it was correct the company was created by two brothers chowhan brothers i hope it's pronounced and they did like lemon sodas and things like that but they created this it became the biggest brand in india almost a monopoly of cola in india at that time up against camper cola double seven dukes and united breweries um they developed the formula from scratch,

experimented with ingredients such as cinnamon, cardamom, and nutmeg. The company also wanted the drink to be fizzy, even when it was not ice cold, so it could be sold by vendors. After much testing and experimentation, the brothers and their research team created a cola that was fizzier and spicier than Coca-Cola. And they took the B off the word thumb just to make the name unique. And then again, they brought it back,

blah, blah, blah, to combat against Pepsi. Ooh, it might be a nice spicy Coke. So there you go. You just don't know. It might be closer to some of those Coca-Cola signature, the sort of mixing ones they brought out, which there was a spicy one of those, wasn't there? And interestingly, they tried to rebrand it in the 2000s

to make it a manly drink. And in their adverts, they directly attacked Pepsi, focusing on the strength of the drink, hoping that the depiction of an adult male drink would appeal to young consumers. Grow Up to Thumb Up was a successful campaign. And then there's logo and marketing and all these kind of things. But effectively, the logo is Blue Wrapper with the big red thumb. I mean, there'll be a picture on our website.

Let's crack it. Crack it open, mate. That ended up being a lot more interesting than I expected. Well, there's some more. There's ice. You've still got a little bit of ice there, but there's... I'm just going to open it. Oh, a little bit of fizz. Give it a snuff. Snuff. Frankly, it smells like Pepsi. Smells like

Pepsi rather than Coke. Definitely. It's a tiny bottle. Tiny bottle. Snuff it. It's definitely more Pepsi than it is Coke. Is that more Pepsi? To me, to me it is. To me, it's just a bit of a stronger cola on the nose.

Yeah, maybe. Let's have a go. Oh, I do like that. It's really sweet. It's sweet, but it's also kind of warm and spicy almost. It's got a kind of

like autumnal flavor to it. It's anywhere I can describe it. You can definitely taste like bits of spices and cinnamon. The cinnamon is stronger. Nice. That is really nice. I know what you mean. It's more warm. flavour to it it's anywhere I can describe it you can definitely taste like the cinnamon the cinnamon the cinnamon stronger nice

that is really nice I know what you mean it's more warm it's less and it's a lot less tart it doesn't have that no but it does

that acrid tartness that they put in coke the acid but I think it does have the Pepsi floor which is ooh

nom nom nom but can't drink a whole bottle of that which explains to me why the bottle's so fucking small because it's too sweet essentially yeah alright what was your favourite thing from today then Ooh, nom, nom, nom. But can't drink a whole bottle of that. Which explains why the bottle's so fucking small. Because it's too sweet, essentially.

Yeah. All right, what was your favourite thing from today, then? We had the crispy ramen snack. We had the bones. We had that drink. And we had the bag of... Yeah, the... Banshee bones. Banshee bones, yeah.

Oh, they're bones. I only put that together now. Oh, well, there we go. We're all learning something. Well, banshees are an undead thing that is like a ghost. They don't have any bones. How could they get them in the packet? I mean, mate, there we go. We're all learning something. Banshees are an undead thing that is like a ghost. They don't have any bones. How could they get them in the packet? I mean, mate, Monster Munch. Should we go into the... Well, no, that's actual bits of monster, isn't it? No, it's

meant to be their... Their hands. No, it's not. And their feet. It's not. It's meant to be a little monster. No, it's their feet. It's not. It's their hands. It is not. Their hands and feet. It's not. I thought that as well. But on the episode we did about Monster Munch, we discovered they were designed to be little monster shapes. I still prefer that Scandinavian sports cola.

Yes, that was very nice. But I mean, that's great. If I see more of that, I might grab a few bottles of Thummel. I just think, yeah, it's nice. It's softer than Coke, you know? Yeah, it's still fizzy. And it's got less of a chemical aftertaste than Pepsi, I'd say. Yeah, no, it definitely has that.

It's a warmer finish. I like it. I think my favourite things are that Coke and the crispy ramen snack, the tonkotsu. Yeah, I think I'd have to concur. But they're all good. Unusual selection of cheap eats this week. I think you should eat some of those chip sticks with ketchup on. No.

Because that's what people actually support us to do. Did you do it? Yes, I did. Good. That's 50% of the remit. But it's not 100%, is it, Paul? No, but you can't always hit 100%. And why should you aim for 100% every time?

You should aim for it. Yeah, but it's not even a percentage thing. It's not a percentage thing with Pantyman. And that me, I could tap out mentally now with that. You mentally tapped out way before we started recording today. Yesterday, I think I mentally tapped out this week. You just mentally tap out all the time. I'm mentally tapping out now.

Do you know what your wrestler name would be? Mental tap out. No. Oh, he's doing his signature move. Where he just zones out the corner of the fucking ring and goes, uh. And then the other guy comes in because you've tapped out.

Yeah. Cupcake McGee. No, this is me. I have now tapped out. This is the segment of the show where my brain put the shutters down. Oh, flum, fli, flum, fli, flum, flum, tap. And that's what you've got No, this is me. I have now tapped out. This is the segment of the show where my brain put the shutters down. Oh, flumphly, flumphly, flumph. And that's what you've got left, ladies and gentlemen.

When Eli's left to load his own devices, he just jumps up and down on the spot and goes flumphly, flumphly, flumph. I'm Cupcake McGee. I give this podcast about one more year. We'll see you after the segment for vinyl platters. After this segment? The break, you mean? Yes.

Go on then, press the button. Flumphily, flumphily, flumph. Oh, it don't matter. Oh, it don't matter. Unless you're listening to Silverman's Platter. Yes, it's Silverman Platters, everybody. It's the part of the show where we talk about records. Records we've picked up.

A lot of novelty. Comedy records. Obscurities. And such like. Ephemera. Audio ephemera. Audio ephemera on the vinyl format. And we've got three. Home dingers of shit today for you.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I mean, it's fascinating in many respects how they're so specifically differently awful in each case. They are all three points of the spectrum of utter shit. So,

I'm going to tell you in my ranking and the order we're going to approach them in today because the worst one is Jimmy Jones. Jimmy, Jimmy Jones. Which we're going to have to get to

because that's got the most teeth to it, that single. And then we've got a track beforehand from a band called Smash. Are they? Or are they called Shite? No, they're called Smash. They were called... We'll get into it. And then we've got a track beforehand from a band called Smash. Are they? Or are they called Shite? No, they're called Smash.

We'll get into it. And then we've got Kids International. A song so rare and so obscure even Discogs isn't sure it's a thing. No one knows this is a thing. There's no YouTube comments. There's no Wikipedia. There's nothing on this. This is one

of the rarest platters. It's not even rare, but just like oblique. Obscure. Obscure. Oblique isn't what you were looking for. What's oblique mean? I thought oblique was fine. Oblique is when an angle is not acute.

It's when it's over 360 degrees. Angle. Over 180 degrees, an oblique angle. Oblique. Over 90 degrees. Neither parallel nor at right angles slanting or not expressed

in a direct way or it's another term for slash. Yes. An oblique muscle. It is the obliques and abdomens

which create the well-trained look. I want obliques. Yeah, well nothing to do with this record though. We can both agree. The word you were looking for

was obscure. I'm going to commit to oblique. I'm going to redefine it. But it does look from this Kids International I'm both agree the word you were looking for was obscure I'm going to commit to a bleak I'm going to redefine it but it does look from this Kids International I'm looking at the cover now it looks like they're on TV or something

the set that they're all standing in that could be Wogan for all we know it looks like a TV studio doesn't it that they're in yeah

so I think we should start with that one today okay so ladies and gentlemen I'm just going to we're going to play it then talk about it this is Kids International

with You Promised Me oh god You promised me You promised me You beat me underneath the Christmas tree You promised me You promised me

You wrote a lovely letter specially to say You'll be passing this way You wrote a lovely letter specially to say You'd be passing this way Before morning light But Santa Claus I didn't see you last night You promised me You promised me You promised me

Father Christmas, you promised me Right, so... The story of the song is, it's Christmas, and Father Christmas apparently has promised the singer of the song is it's Christmas, and Father Christmas apparently has promised the singer of the song, a child, that they would meet them underneath the Christmas tree. But then they didn't. No.

So this person has been let down by Father Christmas. All the children in the song were let down at once by Father Christmas, who promised to be there. He didn't meet them. And he wasn't there. He wasn't there. Because he doesn't exist, does he? He doesn't exist, no. Because your parents lied to you. But is that't meet them. He wasn't there. He wasn't there. Because he doesn't exist, does he? He doesn't exist, no.

Because your parents lied to you. But is that what this song, I don't understand. At what stage, who is this song for, is what I'm saying, Paul? Is it for the parents who understand? Of course he didn't meet you there because it's the dad. Or is it for kids who still, who actually, you know, what's the message? Is the message, the problem is, I don't know what the point of Kids International is because on the Discogs,

do you know what genre they're listed as? Children's record. No. Children's choir. No. Novelty. No. Shall I just tell you?

Christmas? No. Pop? No. Grandad? Grandad, we love you. There's no grandad music genre. It is that, though, essentially.

That's what started this all off, isn't it? That record. The song, the genre of Kids International, is reggae. Because their first single is not this. It's a reggae single. It's a song called... Hang on, let me just bring up the page again. The only thing I can find on them is on Discogs.

And that only gives you the records and the singles and the releases. And they released a song in 1982 called Reggae Around the World. The funny thing is, though... This is from the year before. So this came out first, sorry. Reggae Around the World. But look, the cover for that single, Reggae Around the World,

is almost the exact same as the one you're holding there. It's the same photograph of them in the studio. They're all in blue. Some of them are... Oh, wait, it says here on the single, as featured on the Les Dawson show

on BBC One. Les Dawson! But that's it, and the B-side was If I Had a Hammer and Danny Boy. However, this is where I get confused.

This is released on Magnet, and then they released a version of it for Brazil in 82, which had reggae around the world and You Promised Me.

Ah, those are their two big numbers. It's the only two. There's no album. Country UK, but that other version was released in Brazil. I don't get it. I've never known. This is one of the few songs that has such little footprints. They must have formed,

and then it must have been some kind of Svengali figure who got them all together, and then they were on TV. They tried of Svengali figure who got them all together and then they were on TV they tried to sell some singles it wasn't didn't work

but it was very much a trope of novelty records since Clive Dunn's grandad which had the choir from his school on

right and all that other shit like like the Orville song anything that involved kids singing along to the chorus and there was a whole

fad of like schools putting out records. Do you remember we covered it on Silverman's Platter before? That record from a Scottish school, was it? Scottish High School? Yeah, that was a Green Cross Code kind of traffic crossing the road thing, wasn't it? Something like that. But then there was loads of them.

That guy who sang about Saturday morning cereal cinema and the kids all singing. There was something about the need, the desperate need to get a children's song choir singing your chorus. Yes, and this is the ultimate example of this. And you're right, who's it for? It's for, like, nans to listen to, to remind themselves that the pop charts aren't unfriendly, scary places.

I mean, it's weird. I suppose there was some sort of novelty to it. People would think, oh, it's children singing. Perhaps the idea of children singing sort of just has general appeal or did in society at that time. But when I mean, who's it for? I mean, you promised me.

Who's that for? That song? Because it's saying, fucking Santa, you said you'd be under the Christmas tree. You weren't there. Is that for the parents? Is it for the kids kids it seems to be suggesting he doesn't exist is it for slightly older kids who realize santa doesn't exist but still want to play along because it makes mom and dad happy or you know and it also it's it's apparently a christmas song then right well it is a christmas song he mentions father Christmas, yes. But it's a Christmas song where your message is

Christmas is a painful... I was let down. Sad experience. I thought it was a charity single. I thought it was something like to raise money for a charity about kids who can't celebrate Christmas or whatever because of poverty or whatever. Yeah, it must be something like that.

There must be some charity associated with it. So it says genre, reggae, because whatever. But then what is... It says style, junkanoo. What is junkanoo? How is that spelt? Junk-a-noo. N-double-O.

Junkanoo. Junkanoo. I'm going to click on it. It was most popular in the 70s, junkanoo, apparently. It started in the 50s and had a revival in the 90s, according to Discogs. But that's going off on a tangent. I just don't know what junk Canoe is as a genre.

John Canoe, all one word. Yeah. It's from Jamaica, Belize, and the Bahamas. A masquerade held at Christmas, consisting of street procession of characters in traditional costumes and dancing to drums, bells, and whistles. It's like a Christmas Mardi Gras thing. Fair, because that is a Christmas song.

Caribbean. Okay, fair enough. It doesn't seem to have any of that Mardi Gras thing. Fair. Because that is a Christmas song. Caribbean. Okay, fair enough. It doesn't seem to have any of that Mardi Gras vibe. It doesn't have any sort of carnival vibe to the track. No.

No, I was going to say the track seems, it's overproduced, sickly sweet, the instrumentation, and... It seems cynically put together. And it seems cynically

put together, and also it doesn't, like some of the other children's choir records we've heard, have a sort of charm because they're so amateurish and the kids can't sing. But the singers feel like they've been properly tutored, you know? Has that kind of a slickness.

Yeah. Especially to the soloist singers. Well, if you're listening to this and you were part of Kids International, please do get in touch and tell us what the fuck it was like to be in that band. What happened? And how was Les Dawson? Probably quite a nice man. Probably quite a nice man. Probably quite a nice man.

I like to imagine he was very funny, man. He probably said two words to them. All right, thanks for coming in, kids. Thank you. Are we going to play

some of this? We played it at the beginning. Oh, right. Right, so platter or splatter? Ooh, it's a splatter. Should we say splatter together? Okay. One, two, three.

Splatter. Yeah, it's a big old splatter. That's terrible. And now we move on to our second choice today, which is Smash with A star L star L star Y star C. Most governments, institutions, religions, weapons of war and general stupid mistakes

were made by a man I was made by a woman Once that smell you're wearing It sticks like glue to me Is it the product of a perfumery Designed by a pharmacist So that I just can't resist Integrity

Money Necessity And my ambition. My ambition is to get some recognition for my band and its ideals. So, a little bit of background. Smash are normally typeset as S star M star A star S star H. Indeed, like Robert Altman's MASH. Yes, which I presume is the witty thing they're going for with that one.

They're an English punk rock trio who enjoyed brief notoriety in the 1990s in the UK. They were formed by three guys, Ed Borey, Salvatore Alessi, and Bob Haig. They met in the 80s. They started a band called GLC. Their sound is reminiscent of late 70s, early 80s punk and new wave bands. They end up getting involved with the new wave of new wave, along with bands such as Echo Belly, Sleeper, Compulsion, These Animal Men. You can almost hear a bit of that proto blur proto suede

kind of in there you sort of can but but the thing is with suede and blur and stuff they had hooks and melodies and there's no hooks there's nothing here the band's second single so okay so here's the complicated thing when we were looking into this single there was almost nothing on it and i was like oh it's like kids international there's nothing in existence of this now apparently that song a l l c ali g whatever basically it's called is a remake ali c of a song they did so this came off an album the album was called uh oh christ the album was called self-abuse i think it was called oh well that's funny because they they do say the word masturbation in this song well there's a lot of things going on in this um the it was called. Oh, well, that's funny, because they do say the word masturbation in this song. Well, there's a lot of things going on in this. The album was called, yes, there's the discography.

Studio album, self-abused, right? What they did was release, you know, 12 tracks, A, B, but then they also released CD, and the CD is that single. Is that common practice to release an album and a single at the same time? Well, often you would, if you were really confident about, you know, your singles, you wouldn't put them on the album. For example, September. But they released that.

By Earth, Wind & Fire. Yeah. Just a single. Wasn't on any LP. Oh, really? Yeah. Parts from Best Ops and shit like that came later, but fine. Because he knew,

Morris White knew he had an absolute super smash. What's the point? Just put it out. It's going to be a smash. Yeah, true. But the thing is, I was reading various little articles on this because there was an NME review of this single as well because this came out in 94.

And I don't know if the article's being sarking. With it being NME, it's, you know, I don't want to, I mean, look, it's easy to rip on NME, but fuck me what a load of fucking cunts wrote for that magazine. It's just write a review instead of fucking disappearing like your own arse with like amusing kind of asides and fucking whatever.

They were meant to be edgy, weren't they? Fuck off. In retrospect, in the rear view mirror, it just comes across as fucking boring, pseudo-intellectual clap trap.

Very much like the person singing on this record. Yeah, well, this is the thing. It's like the song itself is kind of like, well, okay, what I'm getting to is that song is a remake

of a single that came before the album. And the song is called, and it was meant to be a tribute to feminism, in case you didn't pick that up in the song. The song was originally called Lady Love Your Cunt. I see. Lady Love Your Cunt. I see. Lady Love Your Cunt.

I see. It's not a character called Lady Love Your Cunt. Would you like to see it? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. called lady love your cunts i mean you like to see it etc etc etc etc well you know it's a kind of fine i mean is that a big issue for feminists women not not liking their own it's because that most of the views i read of this said either they're being purposely oh what's the like pretentious no they're being pretentious because like there's that line in it isn't there where he says

influenced by a man but I was born of woman yes and I respect women but we're subjugated by man and it feels heavy handed it feels

pretentious heavy handed and another word I'll put it out there Paul adolescent but they're saying A level

is that the point is that the joke it's painful it's painful some of the it just doesn't come across no it doesn't feel like a pastiche or a satire of adolescent poetry it feels like adolescent poetry like six form sort of right on so there's this painful yes right on sort of pro-feminist which is fucking you know fine i just like to say i don't like i'm not you know oh dear but but um but also it has that but then it says at the end the vicar comes on your tits or something like that was that whole i was like we kind of zoned out listening

to it going oh god this is like an acoustic version of the original track which is much more filled out with instruments but this is even so paul this is painfully on music on musical you know oh i found that i found that single i found that review now uh yeah smash self-abused 50 minutes blah blah blah blah there's a line in it it talks about this song specifically in the review i just want to find it bear with the much trumpeted lady love your country produced here acoustically as Ali C on the CD. It's not even mentioned. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the line they talk about in the review. Most governments

make stupid mistakes. We are made by man. I was made by woman. Yeah. It's just... And then at the end of the review it goes, you know the Jam and the Clash made a few patchy albums at the beginning too. It's like, yeah, but that... No, there's a real lack of any hooks, like you say. But also, it's just painful to hear.

It's tuneless. Would you agree? Yeah. It's tuneless. It feels very kind of. Pretentious, tuneless, like the kind of fucking grumpy cunt you'd meet at parties with a fucking jumper on, who thought they were so cool. Yeah. And would basically look down their nose at you

because you weren't punk enough or whatever. You know, Paul? Jumper-wearing party car. Yeah. It's got that vibe, doesn't it? It's that reputation that Britpop had that was only ever so occasionally true, and mostly in bands like this.

They were made in Wellingarden City, which I believe is just south of Cambridge. Yeah, it's East Anglia. They appeared on the cover of NME. No, it's Hertfordshire, beg your pardon. Wellingarden is the one down from Letchworth where I went to boarding school and famously had a relationship with the swimming pool. But this album, Smash, got a big posh re-release recently,

reprinted on LB, Demon Music Group reprinted it. Well, I wonder if that's to do with it being very redolent of the era that it's from. You know, not for me. And maybe they had better songs. Because it sounds from the B-side. Now, are we going to mention the B-side? Oh, yeah. Let's do it now.

The B-side was called Trainspotter. And it just seems to be them riffing. No, it's their... Someone pressed record at a fucking jam or rehearsal. Yeah, a rehearsal or something. Because they go one, two, and it cuts out and you can hear them all sort of going, you know, they're jamming. The fuzz of the cable's being plugged in.

It's one of the laziest, and we've had some lazy B-sides on this show before, Paul. If ever there was a, what do you mean I've got to do a B-side? It's this, isn't it? Yeah, it's, oh, fuck it, I've got this tape of the last jam, just put that on. You know what it feels like?

It feels like the single Lady Love Your Cunt couldn't be put on the album. So they didn't put it on the album. They made a single out of it and then realised, well, we're going to put the other side of that single. We've got literally fucking nothing. It's terrible.

Really, again, just tuneless. And it's not even got any kind of punk energy. No. To be fair, we haven't heard the rest of the album. We don't know what the rest of it sounds like. Okay, fine. Based on this one track, we're judging them, and we are judging them harshly.

On the A side, he pissed me off with his pretentious adolescent right on bullshit. And then sort of like judges spunking on women's tits, which is just... Well, I perked up when he said that, basically. I mean, we all perked up, because one minute we're kind of zoning out to the whole weird overdone feminist support thing

and then all of a sudden like, Spock got tits! And we were like, what? Like meerkats out the ground. What? Come on. He says, come on your tits. And then he says something about masturbation as well.

He says the word masturbation. The other thing to mention, Paul, is it says smash on this one side and then shite on the B side in the same font as what smash is written on the A side, which is properly accurate of what is on the B side. It is a load of shite. Funnily enough, though,

the reason why they're called shite is because when they were touring proper quote-unquote gigs, because they toured a lot, they would do smaller gigs and call themselves shite to do more twiddly bullshit nonsense they're still going in some respect some of them joined

other bands one of them supported my life story which in itself is like my life story being supported by the guy from smash is like the zeddest list of

bit prop memorabilia you can fucking possibly imagine these are like three or four rungs below shed seven sort of thing it's like when you see like those

american garage pop bands called Firesaw X15 and you think, yeah, what was your big hit? No one fucking remembers. It was number 14 in 1997 or whatever. It's that kind of stuff. Platter or Splatter? One, two, three. Splatter!

Thank you. Well, we're on to our last. Look, spoiler warning. All three of these are splatters, right? Unanimously across the board. This is where we have to make a choice now. Because we're going to play the A side. I'm going to play the A side now.

Only a little bit. Well, yeah, we're going to play a little bit. But then we're going to have to touch on the B side. But when we get to that, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to play from that. No, the A side is the problematic bit. No, the B side is the comedy version. No. Isn't it? No. Well, the A side is oh sorry yeah the problematic bit no the b side's the comedy version no isn't it no what the a side is the comedy he's known as a comic isn't he here we go

look i'll point it out to you yeah let's tell what the track is go on this is jimmy jones famous racist bullshit comedian cunt stand up no you can sit down now mentor of jim davidson yeah where jim davidson got the gandalf to davidson's hobbit um and this is the chris christopherson tune help me make it through the night and as you can see the a side it has in brackets comedy version right and on the b side it just says vocal version where he's doing a straight rendition on the flip help me get me through this track play a bit take the ribbon from your head

shake it loose and let it fall Lay it soft against my skin Like the shadows on the wall Come and lay down by my side Till the early morning light

All I'm asking is your time To help me make it through the night I don't care what you've done So that is the bare-bones B-side, Chris Christopherson, whiny lounge singer, filling a gap between stand-up routines segment of the show, song. I think he did a lot of numbers.

Did Jim, Jim Davidson does songs as well. He also had a few songs released in his time. Yeah. Sub, pub rock, Chaz Dave type shit. Oh, it's not even that.

It's, it's just, no, crooning. Jim Davidson was doing that. This is more sort of a, well, he's doing a Tom Jones,

isn't it? It's cruise ship. It's cruise ship. But as you were saying, this is a well-known song covered by many, many, many artists. Many,

many, including, I think, the version that's best known to me is Gladys Knight and the Pips, which is just because she's such a great singer. It's heartbreaking. She gives it a heartbreaking little lilt.

But Chris Christopherson, great songwriter. But everyone did this. Tom Jones had a hit with it. And that's what he's basing this on. So he does two... And Sammy Smith was the other big artist who had a bigger hit with it than Chris Christophersonerson did okay so that's the version right chris christopherson well regarded artist country singer blah blah blah very popular song obviously covered a lot because

of how well i mean i don't remember it what did you you've just played the b-side is that right i've played the b-side just now the vocal i'm easing them into the horror that's about to come and I don't quite know how we get through it because part of me is like, when it comes to this kind of material, part of me is like, we should play it for context and show you what we hear. But the other part is,

I don't want to propagate that kind of fucking racist bullshit on our podcast. I think we've, no, look, we're showing for what it is, lazy, terrible, racist comedy that thankfully doesn't exist to the same extent

that it did in the 70s. It's crazy how many people have covered this. Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette, Glenn Campbell, Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis Presley, Mariah Carey, Tina Turner, Ray Stevens, Willie Nelson, Olivia Newton-John, Engelbert Humperdinck, Gladys Knight and the Pips. John Holt.

Mickey Bubbles. John Holt is the reggae version. Is the reggae version. And then the Muppets. Chris Christopherson did it with the Muppets. Oh, amazing. And the Muppet Show with Miss Piggy. It was in a few films.

Like, it was featured in The Ice Storm. It must be Chris Christopherson's most famous tune then. I mean, honestly, to me, I've never seen him as a musical artist. Because I know he did A Star Is Born with Streisand. And that whole led to that but in terms of his music I know more from like Blade and shit like that

as an actor yeah no he's he's a great songwriter in that sort of fair play that sort of mainstream country tradition

and this is a fine track it's definitely because you said to me before we started recording today Paul that you often see that Christofferson LP in the charity shops

all the time definitely worth picking up it really is a great record lovely record we'll see so, Paul, that you often see that Christofferson LP in the charity shops. All the time. Definitely worth picking up. It really is a great record. Lovely record. We'll see. So anyway, that's that, right? That's that. But Jimmy Jones is not known

for being a heartfelt balladmeister. No, he is known for being a big fucking racist piece of shit. So let's have a bit of that. What do we pick, though, of this part of the song? Because we need to preface it, right? So in the UK

there's loads of comedians, left wing, white wing, right wing. The right wing ones tend to punch down a hell of a lot. In this era, all the way into the 80s essentially. Because they got their humour from the other, right? Because they were performing to white

audiences, but during the time of their success, the cultural landscape of Britain was changing. More Indian families and all black families, that wind rush and all these kind of things like that coming into the country

and what they were doing was they were talking to white audiences going, what the fuck's Darkie all about? What the fuck's that guy all about? And like breeding that and like observational comedy about their races,

you know, about their black friends who they could be racist about because they're my black friends. Because they're my friends. It's all those those it's like all those photos of um you know what's he called the the northern one fucking disgrace bernard manning in his local indian restaurant yeah you know they just can't count and they wheel it out to show you know because they go to the fucking curry house that they're not you know yeah huge racist yeah it's interesting

how all of those things came to a head when you start getting the alternative and it was a backlash in the 80s the alternative stand-up and comedy strong reaction was a very strong backlash which which shows it was it was terrible wasn't it and that's just the thing is though that hasn't changed when people say woke this and cancel culture that it's like no do you know Do you know how well Jim Davidson sells his tickets still for his shows? Yeah. Do you know, like, Jimmy, all these comedians are still going from that era.

He's dead, Jimmy Jones, though, right? I mean, no, I know, but I'm saying comedians from that era are still going in some respects and still doing, like, clubs and cruises and Spanish holiday things. The end of peers. It's like, that fucking audience

is still there for this material. It's not going away. It's just not marketable. It's a difference. It's not marketable now, and that's what they don't like. They don't like the fact that they're not making the money they used to back in the heyday for this material. It's not going away. It's just not marketable. It's a difference. It's not marketable now. And that's what they don't like. They don't like the fact that they're not making the money

they used to back in the heyday with their material. It's not mainstream, thank God, anymore. No. You know, and it's not... If anything, you could probably say it's alternative comedy. You know what I mean?

Alternative, if the alternative is... To taste the morals, yes. It's Brexit voting gammon cunt from like some... who lives... Bald-headed, hot-necked, fucking fat cunt who wants everything to be just like

his fucking online profile on twitter where he says he's a truth teller and tells it like it is anyway let's not get too political

but are you going to play a bit of it yeah I'm trying to put it off but look here's the version of the same song but what you've got

to remember is Jimmy Jones had characters and Jim Davison was known for doing his chalky voice which was a very broad racist

uh is it jamaican yes yeah it's jamaican kind of thing but the thing is he stole that from jimmy jones but it didn't matter back then because they could be different parts of the country doing practically the same acting voices and everyone would still go oh yeah i get that racist reference yes it's only when tv and live videos came out that you start to realise there was a little bit of fucking overlap in terms of that. I mean, did he steal it or did he use it with permission?

Because they were, like you say, you know, Jones, they used to work together and he mentored him to a certain extent. I think it's a shorthand for that type of black person. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's awful.

But he also does a terrible Welsh accent on this. And that's meant to be a tom jones because tom jones i imagine had the bigger hit with this in the uk maybe and that's why he's riffing on that and that when he's singing it he's doing it in a tom jones voice 78 so yeah this is par for the course for 78 so listen look with all that being said we're going to play a short clip of this now the same song but now filled with comedy version's the comedy version. Delightfully racist characters. So we apologise in advance. I don't know if you want to call this a trigger warning so much as a

fucking horrible human being being a cunt version of this, which appealed to, guess what? Probably your favourite uncle. So, let's listen to that. Ladies and gentlemen, we've come to the land of song to do a beautiful record for you. We hope you like the way that we've done it.

It sounds like this. Yesterday is dead and gone. Now, the fact that yesterday is dead and gone, it means tomorrow will be dead and gone, which will make tomorrow yesterday the day after tomorrow, and the day after that will be two days away from the day it is tomorrow. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Well, if you do, drop us a line and tell us exactly what you think. But here's a little fella that's going to help us understand it.

And we hope you like him. He sounds like this. Hey, what are you doing on that egg? What are you doing here? You push off and go and play some football? And you, little ducky, you come with me and stay away from that naughty boy. I don't want, you know, for him to be alone. He's not. He's with me, you see.

And we'll both go through the night, the three of us. Oh, well, that's the end of this record. I'm going before I disappear down a hole in the middle. Bye. Oh, God. It's awful. So fucking bad. So apologies for that.

The best thing about this is the design of the sleeve, which has Jimmy Jones' terrible fucking face repeated four times on each corner. And his own little logo of his name. I mean, the label itself is Psycho. It's actually a nice little looking label. Yes, I like the design of this record, but that is where it ends.

All I can tell you is that Psycho Records Limited is the name of the company founded in 1978 based in London. So, you know, there's that. Seems like they were founded just to put this out. So, no, they released

a lot of stuff. They released, do you know any of these bands? The Majors, The Foundations. Foundations? Yeah, they released a song. Now that I've found you I can't let you go.

That's The Foundations. Closer to Loving You and Change My Life was released. The Foundations was still going. That was like at least... Build Me Up, Build Buttercup is the Foundations as well. Oh, yeah. One of the first multiracial UK groups, the Foundations.

Okay, so they have those. Mac Kissoon. No. The Incredible Kidder Band. No. The Platters. The Platters are extremely famous. Okay. There's a song there Platters are extremely famous. Okay.

There's a song there called Reborn from them. But they kept going. The Platters did Under the Boardwalk or whatever, didn't they? Was that The Spinners? No, I don't know. It's one of those. Those is The Platters. They also did Bob Marley and the Wailers in the beginning,

which sounds like it's maybe a best of album or something. Oh, no, I've got that in the beginning. I've got two copies of that. Yeah. It's not a best of. It's sort of like an early... It's a compilation. Like a lost of album or something. The Kilometers. Oh no, I've got that in the beginning. I've got two copies of that. Yeah. It's not a best of, it's sort of like an early, it's a compilation. Like a lost tapes kind of thing. It's a compilation of his early stuff produced by Lee Perry.

Right. And it's better because it's much more when it was sort of more scar and it hasn't got that, you know, because that, things like Exodus and those later Bob Marley albums, they kind of, Island Records kind of, and Chris Blackwell, sort of tried to make it, make his music palatable to like rock fans.

And it worked. Oh, okay. It became huge. But that early stuff's much more sort of vital. The stuff that's on in the beginning. And sort of Scar. It's Scar and Rocksteady rather than sort of just reggae.

Right. Well, there you go. They did that, the Kilometers, the Plague. The Kilometers? Yeah. Isn't that funny? Because my, the Plague. The Kilometers? Yeah. Isn't that funny?

Because my friend was in a meters cover band. Really? Not meters. Meters. Meters. Kilometers. You know the Meters?

You heard of the Meters? Yeah. Which were a New Orleans funk group. Yeah. Very famous. All right. In those circles.

Great. The Meters is great. And then a band called Heavy Cochran who had two songs released, two singles, I've Got Big Balls and then a band called heavy cochran who had two songs released two uh two singles i've got big balls and then the beast i was called well fairly big and then they had another single called i've got a little prick of conscience with the beast i called it's 12 inches long but i don't use it as a rule all their records are about bollocks and cocks have

we covered i've got a little Little Prick of Conscience. I'd love to cover those. I thought that's come up recently. Oh, I'd love to cover those records. Keep your eye open. It's definitely one of those songs where it's like, I've got a little prick of conscience. Yeah, it's one of those ones. You'll suck my ball.

Bearings in the bag. Or whatever. Either way, that's that. And Jimmy James Jones, Jimmy Jones is, I mean, Jimmy James might be quite nice, I don't know,

but Jimmy Jones, what a rancid fucking cunt to tie a nice little shitty bow on these records. Fat, talentless racist. But anyway. But don't worry,

if you miss it, Jim Davidson's still on tour now. Alternative comedy, real comedy, real, real comedy. Do we need to? No holds barred comedy.

Jim Davidson a man so brave and so fucking boundary breaking that he didn't have the balls to perform for a front row full of disabled

people came to see him in wheelchairs and so he refused to go on stage he refused he refused to go on stage because he's a gutless chinless fucking

cum stain of a human being Paul absolutely heavy Cochran fucking rancid sack of fucking infected ball bags do you know what the heavy Cochran's, do you know what... Rancid sack of fucking infected ball bags. Do you know what

the heavy Cochran's is a reference to? No. Eddie Cochran, rock and roll legend, who did Come On Everybody. And that's the thing.

Come On Everybody, Come On Everybody, Come On Everybody, which Jive Bunny famously did. Yeah, famously sampled for Swing The Lube. It all comes full circle

around here, doesn't it? It does. I don't know how... No, not really, because we didn't start with Jive Bunny. I've brought it full circle back to Jive Bunny.

But we haven't started, we didn't do Jive Bunny this week. Jive Bunny. I think we did Jive Bunny like five years ago. No, we brought it round circle. It's a big circle.

All right, well, I'm going to bring it round to, I don't know. I would love, no, just one final point. Wanky Monkey Hand. Wanky Monkey Hand. I brought it round.

You brought it round there. Now, I would like to get hold of those heavy Cochran singles though we'll keep an eye on those in the future

because we need next time we do this we need a nice palette can we play some instrumental Moog on the next time we do it because I've got that Wobbly Later Rock one

by Paddy Kingston we haven't done Moog in a while probably let's get some nice Moog back in the system get some Moog back into the show get some nice

lovely Moog I mean that is toxic. Kids International is so sickly and ugh. Yeah. And that Smash thing's just like fucking, it's like being at a party when you're a student, wasn't it? And like, you know, you didn't want to. Someone picks up the guitar.

Yeah. And then starts going to all his female friends. I've written a song about that. About how women are like, you know, brilliant, you know. It's like it has that vibe of someone trying to get laid by sort of trying to be feminist

it really is it's fucking awful unfortunately though he does blow it by saying judge sponks on your tits which you know to be there

could have been written a bit more succinctly or certainly more calm on your tits certainly more obliquely at least oh shut up see I just brought it

back around you've got full circle way around here right it's a splatter splatter splatter splatter splatter threeatter splatter splatter Splatter splatter Three pronged splatter effect

Get the fucking splat out of here Yeah fuck this Oh That's the end of the show And you know what You know what the weird thing is I'm actually in a mood To do the podcast now

Yeah but finally I think it was all that rage About Jimmy Jones Got my piss boiled Yeah Now I'm feisty. Okay, good. Should we do it again then?

Do the whole thing again. Right, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Chiefs Show. It's the Comedy Comedy Podcast with Eli and I for the bargain bins, charity shops and powerlands of Great Britain. And we pull out the treasure amongst that trash this week on the show. One thing, Paul. Yeah.

One thing before you start. Yeah. Do you know who I am? No, I don't know who you are. Me, I'm the panty man. It's the panty man. It's the panty man! Hey, he's come back! Hello, everybody.

Do you have a good fun in my room? I sniffed your buckles. Oh, did you get any nuggets, morsels? Well, let's just say I got a little sample to take home to my little sock drawer. You am the panty man. I'm the panty man. Who's the admin? Right, so first of all, guess what?

Would you like to see me and Eli live? Would you like to see me and Eli live as part of a great big night of fun entertainment at the Harrow Arts Centre at the end of July? Why don't you come and see Digitizer live? It's taking place at the end of July, Friday night, Saturday night as well. Two nights, two different types of shows, and I've heard what's going on on each night. It's going to be fucking mint. I'm only on the Saturday of July. Friday night, Saturday night as well. Two nights, two different types of shows and I've heard what's going on

on each night. It's going to be fucking mint. I'm only on the Saturday though. Good. Because you're going to miss out on all the cool stuff on Friday. Friday night's where all the cool kids come. Really? Saturday night's like the big show. That's what Biffo said to me. He only wants me on the Saturday. Yeah, because Friday night's for cool kids and you're not the cool kids.

I'm not the cool kids. No. All jokes aside, the Digitizer Live Spectacular is happening on the Friday the 28th and Saturday the 29th. And not just the live shows, there's also events throughout the day.

Support Digitizer 30 years, and seriously, it's going to be a lot of, lot of fun. Big names, Suze is going to be there, Ashen's,

you know, all of them, Ash Frith, Ethan Lawrence, you know, it's all going to be fun and games, so come along, tickets are on sale, I'm going to put a link on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk and in fact, go to thecheapshow.co.uk for everything, because on our website, there are links to social media, YouTube, Patreon, episode guides for each episode with pictures and sometimes videos,

it's all there, thecheapshow.co.uk. But if you want to support us on Patreon, and you'd like to do that, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. And remember, give what you can, but only if you can. Don't if you can't. Thanks everyone who supports us on Patreon. Yes, and we're still cracking out

this month's content for Patreon. Weedling it out. We put the video up last week of our walk companion video to episode 338. Stan Moore Country Park. Yeahedling it out. We put the video up last week of our walk, a companion video to episode 338. Stan Moore Country Park. Yeah, lovely day out. Hopefully the weather holds out.

There'll be more walkabout episodes over the summer. I don't know, Paul. The weather today is just really horrible. I hate it when it's just sticky. Not even sunny. It's just sticky.

It's like globulous weather. I just, I feel unclean. Yeah. As soon as you come out the shower, it doesn't matter how much you scrub, the filth stays. The sticky filth stays. Sticky.

It makes you feel... It's like someone's licked you. It's bad for your mental health. Yeah. See you next week, everyone. Bye. What about my Twitter handle? Oh, yeah, the Twitter handle,

at thecheapshowpod. I'm at Paul Gannon Show. I'm Eli Snowden. You spell that E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Thanks, everybody. And I can't wait for years from now when Twitter collapses

making these segments of the show absolutely pointless but until then let's hold on because the ride's getting bumpy bye everyone

bye everyone bye bye bye you