CheapShow - Ep 339: Chicken Soup For The Hole

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

What’s wrong with putting a little happiness into the world? Nothing really, but when its folksy positivity is hiding a veneer of corporate soullessness, it’s hard to really get behind those good, life affirming vibes. Paul and Eli discover this the hard way when they attempt to play the “Chicken Soup For The Soul” board game. Will the game bring out the joy of sharing, friendship and laughter, or will it lead to miserable, bitter arguments? If you’ve heard the podcast before, you’ll probably have a fair idea on where this will go… Although you do get a damned fine story from Eli about his brush with cinema glamour, so it’s not a complete loss. As for Paul, he’s lined up a new bunch of tasty contestants for entry into the hallowed Snack Palace. Will any of the crisps chosen make it into the luxury of this abode, festooned with towels? Does it really matter? CheapShow will decide arbitrarily anyway, you just know it. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-339-chicken-soup-for-the-hole And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

I'm sorry, Paul. I think what we've discovered from our aborted attempt at a cold open featuring my mouth madness. Which I'm going to put on the end of this episode. Well, look forward to that, everybody. Is that, yes, I need to organically produce these words that I do that everyone loves, you know. And also, can I just start by saying, Paul? Can I just start by saying, Paul? The pain is real.

The pain is real for me as well. But we need to push through the pain into the joy area. Yeah? The sensitive joy. And I wanted slack or erect. I've seen a thousand faces and I spunked them one more. I fucked that up. You fucked that up.

Spunked on them all. There you go. I'm wanted. Wanking. Limp or erect. I'm wanking it off. Shut up. That is so catchy.

Anyway, on a different topic entirely, Paul. Yeah, I don't know. Good news for me in the news. Bone jovie. Good news for me in the news. Literature, the health literature in't know. Good news for me in the news. Bone jovie. Good news for me in the news. Yeah. The health literature in the news. Good news for me.

Is it eating like a fat fucking pig is good for you? Is that it? No, but it is. Is it mixing drugs and booze every weekend for the last, like, I don't know,

15 years of your life? Is that apparently a fucking miracle cure for cancer now, is it? It's been longer than that. Yeah, I'm sure it is. Is that a miracle cure for fucking chlamydia? I'm not mixing booze and drugs. It's all drugs. It's all drugs. Booze is it? It's been longer than that. Yeah, I'm sure it is. Is that a Miracle Cure for fucking chlamydia?

I'm not mixing booze and drugs. It's all drugs. It's all drugs. Booze is drugs. Yeah. Booze is drugs. No, but booze is not illegal, is it? Oh, God, who are you?

Officer fucking Gannon? Yeah. I'll snout you out, mate. You'll snout me out? I'll snout me out. I'll snuffle and truffle. I wish you would. I'll snuffle and truffle.

I wish you would. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. I've offered many times to please you sexually. Are we talking about sex or you arresting me? I don't know now. I'm confused. Can we do both?

Now, Paul, there is some... I'll bang you up the slammer. Whatever it is. Bang me up the slammer? Yeah, bang you up in my slammer. Oh, I'm doing porridge. I'm wanted, slack or erect. I've seen a thousand faces and I've spuffed in them all.

I just wanted to hit that line. What does he actually say in the line again? I rocked them all. spuffed in them all just wanted to hit that line so he actually say in the line again i rocked them all i rocked them all well i like i say for me that's almost like they wrote the lyrics of that song in order to be a live one where he can refer to the thousand faces of the audience and i remember distinctly from the video at the time that's where it's such a perfect edit because it's like he's a cowboy. The whole song is like a metaphor for being an outlaw huge rock musician. But a lover. Isn't it about being a lover man as well?

No. He's a lover man. Is he? Yeah. He's got a steel horse, which is his motorcycle. Yeah. Meow.

That's a cat. I don't know why I made that sound. What would a steel horse sound like? Brr. Brr. Brr. I like the way that you went for that before you knew what you were doing. Brr. I made that sound. What would a steel horse sound like? I like the way that you went for that before you knew what you were doing.

Oh, it's the steel horse. It's like they're in the room. It sounds like a motorcycle. Yeah. I've seen a thousand vagas and I've fucked them all. Have you? No.

I've barely fucking hit double figures, mate. Oh, come on. I have no bonjo. Now, why do you go back to these fucking... Also, why would... A thousand faces rock them all. Traditionalist talking points.

Yeah. Taurine. Don't that sound more like a horse? Oh, yeah, your point. Taurine makes light... Oh, yeah, it does. You're right. I've heard that as well.

I heard all about that. It makes light... Whatever that is. Shut up.'re right. I've heard that as well. I heard all about that. It makes light... Whatever that is. Shut up. Leave it. Not ready for this. Come on. Taurine does what?

Then I can cut to the credits. Makes mice live longer. And are you a mouse? No, but... Then you're fucked, aren't you? Welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. and your fucking noodle posse.

People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Off-Ramp Ramp Ramp Off-Ramp Ramp Ramp Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Show It's the price of shade Paul Gannon

Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle So just because a mouse lives longer on taurine We share a huge percentage of our DNA with mice Mace? You alright with your mouse? You put your teeth in today, Dad

Usually this is me I know, I'm sorry I did have an extraordinarily heavy weekend here we fucking go and it was so hot oh where's my tiny violin where is it

I put it down somewhere they're so rare those things they're fucking expensive I can't lose it I saw it you saw my little violin

it was tiny as violin it was in your meters hole yeah is that why when I pee you can hear a concerto see straightforward humour jokes that's what you get on this show sometimes nah I'm not keen was in your meters hole. Yeah? Is that why when I pee you can hear a concerto? See? Straightforward humour. Jokes.

That's what you get on this show sometimes. Nah, I'm not keen. I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan of it. You're not a fan of that joke you made about pissing through

the strings of the world's smallest... But I like the idea of pissing. And then when you hear piss you can hear the violin bit from Bewitched,

C'est la vie. Some people say I dance like me da. Remember Bewitched? I do remember they were jeans wearing. They were Irish ladies. Wasn't their whole

their whole approach to stage gear was jeans? Mostly jeans and tank tops. I dance like me da. Did they say that in the song?

Yeah. Some people say I dance like me da. Oh oh Oh oh C'est la vie Say you will Say you do or you don't. I honestly thought they were the same as the Coors as well.

I thought they were basically the same people. The Coors were a bit more sort of traditional folky, weren't they? Yeah. And slightly... Hold on, hold on, bring me breathless. What about Enya? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh What about Enya? Is she Irish? She was in Clannad. Are they Scottish?

God, here we go. I don't know. Because she lives in a castle now, doesn't she? Or something. It's my Orinoco flow. It's my little Orinoco flow. My uncle flow. That's where a womble's got a period The oronocal Flo I know, I knew that

I saw a menstruation joke Swimming downstream there From about a minute ago You've said fuck all now, Paul The problem is, people listen at home And they want this kind of straight comedy Straight delivered into their ears Injected in Hello, welcome to the team show It's the comedy Podcast People listen at home and they want this kind of straight comedy, straight delivered into their ears, injected in.

Hello, Welcome to the Team Show. It's the comedy podcast. My bloody flow. My bloody flow. And you're singing about fucking being on the blob. Give me time, boss. Good. Your knowledge of anatomy is great.

I've got such a strong flow. It's my orange flu. See, orange isn't meant to be orange. That's the thing. Why didn't those have adverts like for ladies, like lilettes or tampons and stuff? You just have the title phrase be,

go with the flow. I think there has been. All right, what about... I'm absolutely sure there was a sanitary product ad that had go with the flow. Yeah, it was like, you know, active. Yeah.

As in go with the, you know. Yeah, it was like, you know, active. Yeah. As in go with the, you know. Yeah, don't let the flow hold you back. That's too good for someone not to have thought that up already. Well, if anyone's out there listening in those kind of

big Saatchi and Saatchi companies or whatever, it's get in touch. You know what meeting I would like to be at the board of? At the table for? Yeah.

Ten of men, that kind of thing. I think I could get some real good catchphrases out there. All right, so, okay, Mr. Silverman. We brought you in. I don't know why I did the nick, nick, nick. I thought I was knocking on the door. I'm not doing Jim Davidson.

I'm not doing Jim Davidson. The nick, nick thing. You said it. It's kind of like knock on the door, knock, knock. I don't know why I was doing that. All right, no one needs to know. Stop knocking on the door i'm in the meeting somebody's knocking out the door somebody's ringing the bell this is a very musical episode for me already i'm enjoying it so okay mr silfman yes hello i'm uh donald teneman and i run teneman's hello mr teneman

and we brought you in because i didn't realize't realise the name. I thought it was... No, it's inherited. No matter who takes the main job, they inherit the name Teneman. Oh, it's a position in the company known as the Donald Teneman. Yes. And you are the Donald Teneman now.

No, my name is Donald. It's just my surname used to be Smith. It's lovely to meet you. And now it's Teneman. So now I'm Donald Teneman, CEO of Teneman's Pants Panties or whatever it's fucking called. I don't know.

Men's. We brought you in because you've been online talking a big game about how you reckon you could help us sell more product. Yes. So we just want to spitball some ideas with you today. Can you help us? Okay, absolutely sure. I don't know why we're discussing this at the top of the meeting.

Because it's how you set up a scene for people who aren't really sure what's going on. Knock, knock. Hello, can I come in? No, you can't, Jim Davidson. You're not welcome. Right. Do you want to hear these ideas Davidson. You're not welcome. Right. Do you want to hear these ideas then? I would love to.

Okay. Firstly, I've got... Okay, bye. Bring me Jim Davidson, please. You would have better ones. Piss yourself, you old bastard. Spodge it up with this mop-ish... I've got fucking tenor pants.

Come on. What have you got for us? I've got silver oxide in my underwear. No, that's not very good. It's not catchy. Drippy drippy. Whippy whippy.

Now you're liking this. Let me just get a pen for that one. Let me just get a pen and write that one. Oh, I've... Oh, when a gentleman's end has spodged up...

Can we stop, please? I can't actually take it. When you feel the splash, where do you dash? Yeah. Tenements. When you're in need of a poultice. It's not a poultice, though, is it? When your butt needs a poultice. Spam, scotch.

With tenements, if you do a nightly seep, you'll get fast sleep. It's not called tenements. It's like that Friends joke, Spider-Man, isn't it? They're not called tenements. It's ten-a-men, as in it's four men. Oh, it's not tenements. That's not the name of the company. That sounds like a fucking...

I must leave this job immediately, sir. You must, Donald. So I'm Bob Tenet. Thank you. I'm the new CEO. You're more down to earth. You're a jean jacket wearing kind of guy. And I like to put my foot up on the table.

Yeah, you're crazy. Yeah. So perhaps my... Hey, just call me Bob. Okay, Bob. I don't like labels around here. I love it, Bob. And I've got some really...

All right, give me one more then. Oh, he's dead. Eli Silverman's dead, everyone. Can we move on? What are we doing? Oh, we're doing a podcast, aren't we? Paul. I sometimes don't know anymore what we do.

Well, it's because it's the repetition every week. But good news about mice living longer, eh? No. Right, so this week on Sheep Show, we're going back to the Snack Palace. We'll be trying to see if the Snack Palace is willing to bring in to the fold. And we have a classic crisp.

Some new crisps. We have a classic crisp as well as something very new, don't we,'t we pull a little bit of everything something that we should have put into the old league yeah the league has been replaced by the snack palace and there it is before us paul beautiful huge outhouse yeah swimming pool and incredible amount of room for towels for some reason so many towel shelves in there i never understand why there's so many and you know what they were our gardener um max i think. And you know what? Our gardener, Max, I think he's called. Max the Gardener. Max the Gardener. He was telling me just this morning they found some kind of...

It's like an old towel factory or something. So that would explain. Well, you know the building was built on an old towel factory back in the day. I did not know that. But yeah, that's what Max was saying. And he said there's a little compound underneath which is basically a towel tomb yes towel and cumin

alright mate stop going off on your own podcast toot and towel and it's so strange when you get like this this is how you're

going to live out the rest of your days in an old people's home one of those big chairs giggling and just shouting tenements you're here it's only me it's only when you're here paul that this happens well it's only when i make this silly podcast well aren't i fucking lucky anyway also coming up on the show a gannon's golden game gannon's golden game or paul's pleasant pastimes depending on if he like

wants a punch in the mouth oh oh dear oh so So, anything else you want to fit in at this point? No, I just thought that was big news about mice. And remember, get your tickets for Digitizer Live happening at the end of July. It's a big show. Two nights, Friday, Saturdays. Friday's got something special planned. Saturday's the big show.

Lots to enjoy. Come along and join us. Do come along and join us. I will be appearing. Link on our website to get tickets. Thecheapshow.co.uk. Link along and join us. Do come along and join us. I will be appearing. Link on our website to get tickets. Thecheapshow.co.uk. Link on the front page. Get your tickets there.

That's it. That's the admin. That's all we really care about. Isn't it, mate? We've got the admin out of the way, have we? Have we mentioned we're officially going to LA now? We are, aren't we? Yeah.

Yeah, we're going to be in LA end of the month, October. Exciting business. Exciting business. Do a bit of urban wandering. We're going to do a bit of urban wandering. We're going to do a bit of urban wandering. We're going to investigate their big Goodwill and Thrift mega warehouse stores out there they have. Yeah, but we'll need to

locate them. I know where they are. Is there a district with quite a lot of that? No, but I went to a few places. A friend of mine Jenny Zagrino took me to a few when I was there in 2019. So I know where basically we're going. One of them is right near you know in Terminator 2 where they're doing the chase over the bridge

and then they go into the thing and they drive around the river well that's where that new bridge we can do both because that's where that new urban bridge there's cycle and cars and pedestrians

and it's built over a park that's where that bridge was over that storm drain that very famous storm drain that's not only in Terminator 2 oh it's in everything like Chinatown it's in

car chases Greece and all sorts of fucking things. Either way, we're going to be in LA last week of October. We've got some big plans. If it all comes through, there'll be some very exciting things happening out there. Oh, we can't wait.

Well, we have crisps to taste, Paul. We do. So should we just get on with that? Let's get to the sound effect, slap the sound effect in, and then let's slap some fucking classic crisps. Just whack a nice big sound effect. Get it out. Yeah, fucking splash it in. You know what? Imagine the sound effect in and then let's slap some fucking classic nice big sound effect get it out yeah fucking watch it in you know what imagine the sound effect is if you will

if you may yeah a poultice pre-dampen pre-dampen poultice and then you smash it into the gap between segments smash it into the gooch gooch that poultice effect gooch that dirty poultice white boy Gooch that dirty poultice white Lay down your poultice And smoochies up my gooch hole right now That'll do Getting well musical, aren't you? Shining on the hill The snack palace

Oh, the light Shimming around it As it looks over. The sea of snacks. Softly breaking on the cliff floor, which is called the foot of the cliff. There's monkeys, for some reason. And birds of a certain type. Polly want a cracker.

There are parrots. What else is around here? Crisps. Now, the animals are in the wild. Meow. Here comes,

there's a pussycat up by the palace. Meow. Oh, it's fallen into the pool. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Meow. Meow. You're going to get well on poppy then. Oh, you cruel person drowning an imaginary cat. It's all right,

it's an imaginary cat. Get it all right. It's an imaginary cat. Get it out. Give it CPR. No, don't. What? You don't want to see my thumb nubbing? I don't need no loving from your thumb nubbing. Now, here comes our first crisp.

Now, just to... Oh, yeah. We're just waiting for the bus to come by where the crisps will hop off the bus. The crisps will come by, but they'll meet us first. And we have to see if they get to go in or not. And we're the arbiters of in the palace or not. Otherwise, you hop off the bus but they'll meet us first and we have to see if they get to go in or not otherwise and we're the arbiters of in the palace or not

otherwise you're on the bus back home and they have to wait several hours yeah because it only comes by once every few hours there's no way we can get anything to eat

because this is a luxury luckily they are crisps already they could eat themselves they can or we could eat them and they just I'd eat myself would you

where would you start what part of the body would you start to eat a scab a scab alright where would you go from scab you've never would you start to eat? A scab. A scab. All right, where do you go from scab? You've never seen that in a film when they're trying to survive.

What, people eating scabs? Well, you just rub your hand on some gravel until it all gets all scabby, and then wait. It seems to make a lot of effort just to a scab. And then you pick them off, but at least you know that it's not going to affect the rest of your body. I mean, luckily I've got naturally occurring scabs

around my gooch and arsehole, so you can have as many as you want from those. In fact, in many respects, my bumhole is like a packet of crisps. Oh, is it? It's very crispy. You can just reach in and pull out a load of flaky snacks if you wanted. Oh, God. I don't know why he got to that. I started it.

You did. That's why. I started it. And if you want, mate, you can shake my arse up. I'll give a little bit of a huff. Oh, nuff, nuff. That's some nuff, nuff powder I don't want to be. Pinch my bumhole a little bit. Just a corner.

Just a corner. I'd better go... Get a good off on. I'm not going to sniff your scabby arsehole. Ding, ding. Well, where's the first bus? Oh, here's the bus, yeah. Your voice at this one.

Oh, hello. I'm French Fries. Oh, hello, Mr French Fries. How are you today? Oh, I'm a multi-pack item, actually. What about my friends? Can you taste them? They can get fucked.

I'm French Fries Ready Salted, though. Oh, hello, Ready Fries. And who makes you? I'm made, I believe, by walkers, like everything else these days. Yeah, that's true. Well, take a seat. We're just going to do a bit of a review.

I'll just have a little sit down. Have a little sit down. So, yeah, French Fries, slim and slender, long and twisted, snap them in half, take a nibble. Start at one end and crunch your way through. There's plenty of delicious salty Christmas to enjoy. Salty Christmas?

Salty Christmas. Salty Christmas to enjoy. Is that like an underwater Christmas movie? And he comes out, you you know it's salty Christmas no it's about it's about a snowman made of salt salty Christmas

he'd melt he'd melt himself snow is falling crisps of snow falling all around me eat people munching

having fun Paul now on a serious note now don't forget the seasoning crisps and love and laughter. What are your... Salty Christmas, everyone. Snow is falling, snow is falling.

All around me. Yeah. Paul. Yeah. What are your nostalgic recollections and stories associated with these? I love French fries. I like the texture of them.

I like the crisp. They're hard to explain what they are because they are a potato snack, but the form, because it just says ready salted, flavoured crispy potato snack. Essentially, they are reformed from potato paste of some sort,

aren't they? And then baked, I'd say. But they're made into very kind of hard, very, very firm, crisp, French fry style know. But they're made into very kind of hard, very, very firm, crisp, French fry style potatoes. But they're very different because they are basically the potato equivalent of a chipstick. Yeah.

A chipstick is called, it's maize though, isn't it? And it's soft and it's... Because it's maize. Yeah. But these have got a crack to them, don't they? They're hard boys. I wonder when they were introduced. I think we need to look into this

because I'm quite interested. So I've had a quick look and there's not much on the actual brand itself, French Fries. All I can tell you is that it looked like you just proposed. It looks like it was a 1980s snack. There's an advert here

for Walker's French Fries from 1986. I'll play it for you now. Are your teeth getting in position? We're all ready for a French fry mission. A table rush out of Hell to Skelter. No need to play before that shelter. Walker's French fries. Walker's French fries.

The front jet spools like a big bombshell. Yeah, listen to those decibels. When do you fit it right through your bones? When your mouth is a French fry zone. Walker's French fries.ers, French fries. They're small fries, if they're not French fries. So there you go, a slightly militaristic... Very, it's a drill sergeant theme there.

Yeah. When did Full Metal Jacket come out? 86, I think. Yeah, so it's riffing on that. 86, 87. You know what's funny as well about that ad, Paul, is the standard of the animation. It's strange. It's hard it's riffing on that. 86, 87. You know what's funny as well about that ad, Paul, is the standard of the animation. It's strange.

It's hard to imagine them doing animation that good for just an ad these days. I think, and this is based on nothing but guesswork, but it looks like the same guys who did the Umbongo adverts or things like that. It has that same kind of elastic and yet very, almost, oh God, Keith Haring style. Yeah.

Almost, but not quite. Funnily enough, I just can't see to find anything specifically about... Well, perhaps they always seemed like a sort of second tier kind of snack to me. Like there, but not really blowing up. But they've always been around. They've always... They don't have a unique flavour profile. They just mimic the other main flavours of Walker's crisps.

Yeah, because I mean, I'm looking through the list. Unlike, for example, go with me here. A Quaver had its own unique cheese flavour, which you couldn't get a normal potato crisp of that flavour. Yeah, true. At the time. But then that was to be the same for their Walker's crisps. No, sorry, their Square crisps.

But then that was originally Smith's, wasn't it? before they were absorbed into the walkers well the point i'm trying to make is perhaps part of the reason that french fries don't have an impact like something like monster munch is because they never had their own unique flavor they were always a second tier sort of thing yeah well i'm looking for like the list of original Walkers brands in the UK, right? Not the stuff that was absorbed in at a later date. And you've got things like Squares in here. I mean, they were absorbed later, weren't they? Yeah.

And Frazzles were as well. I'm wondering if half of Walkers outside of their regular bags of crisps were just absorbed from buying Smith's stuff and whatever. Yeah. Golden Wonder. Although, I guess Golden Wonder is the same thing. They're like the Disney of the snack world, aren't they? Hasbro, Disney, Walkers, all are one. Yeah.

Yeah, all are one. Even Walkers is PepsiCo though, right?, Walkers, All Are One. Yeah. Even Walkers is PepsiCo though, right? Yeah. Lay. It's Lay. Yeah. Lay's.

They're owned by PepsiCo. So yeah, All Is One. All Are One. Join us into the great big Let's eat these crisps. I'm starving. Oh yeah, just do that.

Boring. Get the niff naff naff. Now, because we've got, you've got a multi-pack here and it has all three flavours, ready salted, cheese and onion and salt and vinegar.

There was a bran pack on the other one as well, which suggests maybe a beef flavour they had or a bacon. I don't know. I couldn't read it out on the thing. But again, I would have liked to have looked into it, but there was no other information for it. I'm huffing the huff. I reckon it's going to have a lovely potatoey huff.

It's a slightly buttery potatoey huff. Nice buttery potatoey huff. All right, I'm getting in. I'm going to take a few out. I just love the texture of these and I don't know why, because they're horribly synthetic. They're reformed. Good texture. I love the texture of them.

Quite an insipid flavour though. Well, I tell you what, should we just race through the other two flavours quickly and see if there's a brand French Fries can go in? Yeah. I wasn't going to, but we're just going to give them other flavours a go. I'll give you cheese and onion and I'll crack open...

Oh, no, that is cheese and onion. Oh, I've got the blue cheese and onion. I've got green salt and vinegar. So they're carried over, the potato crisp, regular colour associations. That's what I mean, yeah. It's very upsetting.

That's what they're very second tier, aren't they? Oh, the cheese and onion smell a bit better, but they weirdly smell like, you know, onion rings. Yeah, of course. They're very upsetting. That's what they're very second tier, aren't they? Oh, the cheese and onion smell a bit better, but they weirdly smell like, you know, onion rings. Yeah, of course. They're very similar. They're actually very similar to the way onion rings are made and flavoured.

Yeah. Salt and vinegar works for them. Cheesy works for them. I'm just going to try it now. I think the umami of the cheese and onion works a lot better. Doesn't it? I think, actually, on reflection, the cheese and onion does work a lot better than the other two flavors okay they can go in yeah they can go in share a bed

is that all right with you mr french fries oh no oh i don't like the way he smells the onion one shut up you oh you're so boring i like dear mates come on now i'm fucking salt and vinegar flavor no i don't want to i don't want to have to... You've got to calm down. I don't want to have to stay in bed with him at the salt and vinegar one. He makes me... Listen, all of you, if you don't come in together, you're not going in at all. So make a decision now. Oh, come on, mate, calm down.

All right, all right. I'm fucking going to have an AC day. Hey, hey, hey. What? Do you think they're going to have towels? Do we get one towel or three towels? Yeah, I'll ask him. Mate.

Yeah? Out of interest, mate. Yeah, go there. I'll ask him. Mate. Yeah. Out of interest, mate. Yeah, go on. Does it have towels in there? Mate, you have so many towels. You can all have two towels. Please bring towels up from the... Go into the...

They've got towels there, mate. They've got towels. Oh, great. Come on, then. Oh, I don't know. One of them's Bobby Dabrow. Fuck off, all three of you. All right, you're in.

You're in. You're welcome to the snack palace. They're definitely in. They're classic. Yeah, they are classic. All right, good stuff. Right, next. Classic.

They get there on nostalgia. And the textures, it's a unique texture in the world of snacks, really, isn't it? They're very crunchy and buttery. It kind of leaves a nice warm feeling in the mouth afterwards. They're nice, and that's probably why they've survived for over 40 years from the 80s. They're almost like a soap opera in that they're always there, a lot of people still like them, but by and large no one really pays attention to what

goes on week in, week out with them. Exactly. Exactly my point. Right, next. Right. Now. Who's on the bus? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Ding, ding. Buh, buh. Woo, woo. Woo. Oh no. Woo. Woo. Woo. Ah.

Oh, no. Please. Meow. There's a lot of things on the bus. I think the guy on the bus has got an 80s comedy soundboard. I do. Hello. Oh, it's a bus driver.

What are you called? Kev. Sid Bus. Sid Bus. Is that your surname? Yeah. Bus. Sid Bus. Two S's. That's surname? Yeah. Bus. Sid Bus.

Two S's. That's nominative determinism, isn't it? Well. You were born Mr Bus, were you? Yeah. I've got nothing to... It's just a fact. Well, why did you go into bus driving?

I didn't. It kind of happened to me. You know what I mean? Like, it came to me in my life. Send out whatever crisp you've got in there. All right, all get off for the snack palace who needs to get off. Ding, ding. So who's these next boys coming in? Bob All right, all get off for the snack palace. Who needs to get off? Ding, ding. So who's these next boys coming in?

Bob, Bob, Bob, hello. I'm a Wotsit. Oh, are you? Wotsits are nice. What kind of Wotsit are you? Yeah, we've had Wotsits on the show before, sir. We have. Well, I'm special because I'm sizzling snake steak.

Sizzling steak flavoured what? You've got snake on your mind, Paul. Big old pink flesh snake. Oh, as if a real snake isn't flesh. It hasn't got flesh, has it? What do you mean it hasn't got flesh? It's not flesh in the way we or you have flesh. It has a reptilian skin and flesh.

Nah. Nah, it's not flesh, is it? Fine, fine. I'm not going to... Choose your battles. I would very much like to put myself forward for a room at the Snack Palace. I've heard very good things about it. Now, we'll see about that.

I've got some observations to make about what sits poor. Would you be interested in a timeshare? Oh, why? I've got a little bit on the side where I'm giving away homes in Spain. Well, you're going to be staying here if you get into the palace. Would I be sharing with other people? There's no phones. No phones.

No, you can't. Do you have internet? No, no, you're not allowed. Do you have any towels? Yes. All right. We've got towels. Plenty of towels.

I'm in for the towels, mate. Got antique towels. All right. Well, then we in for the towels, mate. Got antique towels. All right, well, then we're just going to open you up now, Mr. Baked Watsit Sizzling Steak. Let me get the nuff-nuff on this. Oh, you want to do this? Now, I think these are slightly bigger than the regular ones. I think these are big, big boys.

Giant Watsits. Giant Watsits. It's a big pack. We've had some. Yes, I think they're big ones, aren't they? Now, we've had the ultimate, as far as I'm concerned. What's it? What, the Carolina Reaper cheesy thing that we like? The hers. But they aren't cheap. Carolina Reaper. the ultimate as far as i'm concerned what's it what the carolina reaper cheesy thing that we like the hers but they are like a reaper no they're not they're

imported because i think this bag of uh french fries for six was something like one pound that's very good 150 or something in paul i've noticed what it's are trying to basically get in on the fact that cheetos specifically flaming hot Cheetos, are so expensive. And there's been this whole wave of them being available for five quid a bottle or whatever. A bag, rather. And I think, have you seen? Watsits are doing a crunchy, red-hot flavour.

Yeah. I guarantee you, it tastes of the Monser Munch red-hot flavour. Which is very sweet. It's just sweet chilli. It's properly hot. Nah. But we ain't tried them, and maybe one day we will. We should, because they're definitely...

It's because of the popularity. And there's a fucking movie all about the guy who invented the... Yeah. I'm not interested. Why? I don't want movies based on products. There was the Nike Air one. Oh, yeah.

It's like we've started making movies about how great people in business are. You know what I mean? It's like, fuck them. Stop mythologising corporate pricks. Yeah. That's also my reaction to it, that trend. It's just like an advert for this legacy product. It's so neoliberal and fucking disgusting.

What was there? There was one more. Oh, there's been loads. I've lost count. It's like literally there's so many of them. Open the bag anyway. Okay, I'm going to see if I can get a nice, neat little nuff-nuff hole here. Right, crack it open then.

I'm going to see if I can get a nuff-nuff hole. I have been agitating. He has been agitating during this conversation. A full nuff on. Yeah. I'm going to think it's going to be a standard sort of, you know, roast beef flavour. Do you think? Or do you think they're waiting for that burger-y kind of charred thing?

Remember the Doritos did that? The Bernie sort of note, yeah. That barbecue-y kind of thing. No, I'm getting more of a classic sort of roast beef flavour. Okay, alright. Oh, it's very reminiscent of the Monster Munch roast beef.

Very. Tell me I'm wrong. No. Tell me I'm wrong, Paul. Get a nuff-nuff there. I jostle. Agitate the items. Oh, yeah.

It just smells like broke beef monster munch. It really does. Right. Which isn't a bad thing. Not a problem at all. Are they little? What's wrong?

He's looked in the bag. I mean, I thought they were going to be huge big watsits. Like, you know, the size of your thumb. Yeah. And it's like a bag of maggots in here.

It's a little watsit. Were watsits always this small? Yeah. No, that can't be thumb. Yeah. And it's like a bag of maggots in here. It's a little what's-its. Well, what's-its always this small. Yeah. No, that can't be right. Your hands used to be smaller. No, they used to be a bit thicker and wider. This looks too small for me. It's a big bag, but they're tiny.

Oh. I'm not a fan. Too sweet. Oh, Eli's having a big old fucking Josh-off session. Here he is. Actually, there's a bitterness, isn't there? I don't like them. It's not like I think

they're bad I just don't they're not of interesting flavour it's like tomatoey almost it's almost got this kind of

yeah yeah that's not as nice is that up front there's a very umami up front which is like tomatoey but then when you swallow

there's a there's a distinct as far as I'm concerned a sort of artificial bitter sort of I know what you're getting at like a peppery soft peppery or soft I don't know what it is it's sort of artificial bitter, sort of. I know what you're getting at. Like a peppery, soft peppery or soft.

I don't know what it is. It's almost bitter, you know. I'm sure. They're not as great as I thought. I guarantee if I pop out to the shop now and got a packet of just regular normal Wotsits, the shape is going to be different. I'm sure they were a little thicker. They're really kind of almost like thin in the same way a knickknack's thin.

Yes, they are thinner, aren't they? Perhaps it's stagflation. They're just making them smaller. But it's a huge big bag. Because it's not like we've got a small bag. What size bag is that, does it say? It's a big bag, 130 grams. Yeah, so I'm confused by it.

Oh, mate, so can I come in, please? I'm afraid not, Mr. Stagflation. Yeah, I'm afraid not. I don't think you've made it. Look, you know, you did mention that you've got other things going for you. Yeah, I've got this timeshare place in Spain, which I'm looking for people. Well, good luck with that.

Really good luck. Perhaps try again. Do you know about Bitcoin? Do you want to do a bit of Bitcoin with me? I have a what's-it dollar. I've got a what's-it dollar for you. You've got your own cryptocurrency. A crisp-o-currency.

It's a crisp-o-currency. Good, I think that's enough from you. That's enough from that guy, isn't it? I think we tied it off quite nicely with that one. Get back on the bus. All right, then. Okay. Now.

Bing, bing. Hello, Sid Bus. Sid Bus. Do you have any others on there? Yeah, there's one more. There's one. Send them down. Which voice?

There's one more. Send them down. Ding, ding. It's like the play bus bus but with crisps coming off instead of the wiper hello now here oh you're doing the voice all right okay hello oh hello you're you're uh very uh all right what how can i define you i'm mellifluous oh yes you're very delicious oh tell us who you are what and where you come from hi Hi, guys. I am Seabrook's Liam Perrin's Worcester sauce flavoured potato crisp.

Wow, sexy. Sexy, sexy. Saviors of flavour, says Seabrook. Now, we've had Seabrook's on the show before. On the fluff, blah, blah. We had on the fluff before.

Now, Paul, yes, we have. And you explained they're a sort of budget brand, aren't they? They're budget, but with a bit of respectability behind them if I could say so. Also

I'd never see Seabrook sold in newsagents or convenience stores as an individual packet. Oh I've seen that. You have? I have seen that yeah.

It's not common but yeah you'd see it. You're right you mostly see them in multi-packs. They're a multi-pack kind of and this is a multi-pack

we have today we should mention. We have five packs of Lee and Perrin's Worcestershire sauce. Now, there is a small amount of anchovy in that, but it must be so negligible how much is on the crisps. I'm looking at it right now, and I'd be very surprised if there's any. Because it says here, vegan and vegetarian approved.

Okay, so they must do a different. It's got sherry vinegar, garlic powder, spice, cayenne pepper, ginger, black pepper, cardamom, clove. But Lee and Perrin's Worcestershire sauce has anchovy in them, ginger, black pepper, cardamom. But Lee and Perrins, Worcester sauce has anchovy in them, I believe, a small amount. Yeah, yeah. What does it say here?

Since 1837, Lee and Perrins have been making their famous Worcestershire sauce using an expert blend of ingredients to give that unique full flavour. Seabrook are proud to bring you the flavour of the original...

Okay. Lee and Perrins. Well, shut up. Hey! Worcestershire sauce on icicle crinkle crisps. Oh, there, that's the other thing. Old... I think he's having a little amuse himself moment.

Crinkle crinkle crisps. Fluff, fluff, crinkle crink. Now, Paul. Iconic crinkle cut crisps. Iconic crinkle cuts. That's what he's trying to say. Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle. Rub it.

Now, Paul. Yeah. Now. There. They're crinkle cuts. Yeah. That's the Seabrook gimmick. Are all Seabrooks crinkle cuts?

I've not seen a crinkle. An uncrinkle cut. Iconic crinkle crunk crips in their range. Crunk. Crunk. Oh, crunkle. Now, I want good things from this, because do you know what, Paul?

I love Worcestershire sauce. Do you? Is it Worcestershire or Worcester? It's Worcestershire, isn't it? Worcestershire sauce. Worcestershire sauce. I love Worcestershire sauce. Do you?

Yes. Do you know what my favourite thing to eat it on is? I like cheese on toast. Yes. It's surprising what it can do to that. It's lovely. It's like, it is that kind of sauce that you throw on something to make it better when you don't have ketchup or HP.

It's kind of like a nice... It's like in the same way you like, they use Angostura bitters. Yes. It's almost like Worcestershire is like kind of... Yes, it's stronger. It's stronger, but it's, Yes, it can transform a flavour. And it's very much an umami sort of... Do you remember a few weeks ago,

we were talking about sauces, and it was like the Sheffield sauce and the Glasgow sauce. We were like, we've never heard of these sauces before. Yes, that whole list. That was when we were looking into brown sauce, wasn't it? When we were doing the off-brand brand-off with the brown sauces.

Yes, that's right. So it was Worcestershire sauce sauce a unique brand to Worcestershire that exploded in popularity and then became a thing? It must. Because Leah and Perrins is not the only game in town when it comes to this. It's just the big name everyone knows, right? Yes, that's right. Do you want to do the hoof?

Brad, this Worcestershire sauce is very much an ilk with brown sauce, isn't it? It's like a British soy. It's like a British soy. It's like a British soy because it's got that umami, but it's also like a runny brown sauce. It's got that fruit, the sweetness in there as well, doesn't it? Yeah, I need to go to the toilet soon because I've got a bit of Leah Perrins coming on. I love Worcestershire sauce.

Perfect for a crisp, I'd say. You know what? I can't believe until now I don't know if I've ever had a Worcestershire sauce. And perfect for a crisp, I'd say. You know what? I can't believe, until now, I don't know if I've ever had... A Worcestershire sauce. What? The kind of... I'm looking for a sweetness, a tartness,

but a background umami. A certain kind of a... Crunkle. Crunkle? Uncle Crunkle. Oh, there we go. No, no. Uncle Crunkle.

It's got a nice half, I have to say. Does it sound like the verisimilitude of it is accurate? It does. If I didn't know this was meant to be Worcester sauce, I might think it wasn't. I might think it was brown. Tell us more. Actually, interestingly enough.

Agitate the nuggets and then schluff it up your hoof hole. Oh, no. I would... Well, now you've mentioned brown sauce. It's got very much a brown saucy... But also, my brain instantly went to prawn cocktail flavour. That's right. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

But you're not wrong about brown sauce because it's got that daddy's brown sauce tang to it. But also, up front, it's got that ketchup-y... Brown... Yes, that prawn cocktail-y ketchupiness. Yes, absolutely, yeah. Well, I'm going to take a few little crisps out and sample them right now. ketchupy prawn cocktail yes that prawn cocktail ketchupiness yes absolutely yeah well I'm going to take

a few little crisps out and sample them right now well I think if you were handed this in a blind test and you didn't know you might say

prawn cocktail or even something like brown sauce before you said Worcestershire sauce flavoured wouldn't you what are you thinking

it is very tomato ketchupy in its build see because I'm not completely au fait with the flavour profile of Lea Perens, I don't know how that matches up, so I'm going to actually defer to you now. It definitely, on the mouth, feels a lot more closer to what I'd expect from Worcestershire. It's got that sort of tartness, sweetness. It's slightly underpowered.

It does seem slightly muted. I agree with you on that. Slightly muted flavour. Not unpleasant. slightly muted. I agree with you on that. It's slightly muted flavour. Not unpleasant. No, not at all. Not at all. I don't know why I'm getting a Hedgehog Crisps vibe from this as well. I've never had Hedgehog Crisps, so I have absolutely...

They were similar to this. But what flavour is Hedgehog? I mean, the thing is... It's sort of like a brown, saucy, Worcestershire saucy kind of flavour they were. Because it was never meant to taste like Hedgehog. It was a gimmick. They just called them that to sell it. And they had more than one flavour. Yeah. The brand was

hedgehog, essentially. Yeah, it was kind of a generic thing for mystery flavour. Why don't they bring those back? Because people these days sit down, Tarzan. We don't want your opinion on stuff. They're alright, but will they get in to the snack palace?

Yeah, what do you say, boys? I brought my own towels. Oh, you brought your own towels? Yeah. I mean, we've got plenty in there. I just brought some because, you know, I like to clean. Clean downstairs, you know. Well, you are very clean, and, you know, you're not unpleasant,

but maybe I'm thinking you're more of a kind of guest house. Oh, is it, like, next to the pool? It's just next to it. And I could go back tomorrow, you know, just to the guest house tonight. Yeah, so you can stay in the guest house. Oh, is it like next to the pool? It's just next to it. And I could go back tomorrow, you know, just to go to the guest house tonight. Yes, you can stay in the guest house tonight and then

you can get the crisp bus home. Is there some way I can get breakfast or something? No, unfortunately the chef for the snack palace left

with a pay dispute so they ain't coming back because we found out they were using crisps in their recipe and cannibalising the people living there

it was a scandal it was an absolute scandal so we just got more towels in we got rid of the chef and brought more towels in actually I've I've produced a chef-like sort of effigy

in towel it's actually very clever the way he's used the rolled up towels all bound together that's nice of you to say that to affect a humanoid form so there you go

I don't know why you gave it a great big wobbly fucking fathom-y long cock on it, though. Because I like to like frottage up against it in the mornings, Paul. And go,

ooh, burbage, oh, fucking rub me fucking on. It's a slippery slope to fucking poultage. It's not that slippery slope. It's quite rugged from what I've heard.

Oh, it's a slippery slope down the crusty highway. Is that why that fucking thing looks like an old used paint roller now? It's just all gutted out and smeggy. It's crushed up with my shit

and spunk all smeared and dried. Well, in that case, Leah Perrin's Worcestershire sauce flavoured seafood crisps. Yes, yes. You can get in,

but you're going to have to stay in the outhouse. Okay, no problem. I'll go to the guest house. Thank you. Off I go. What are you doing tonight? Oh, I thought there's anyone having to stay in the outhouse. Okay, no problem. I'll go to the guest house. Thank you. Off I go. What are you doing tonight? Oh, I thought there's anyone having a drink or anything.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm free if you want to hang out. I've got a towel. Well, just come out to the guest house. Yeah, we'll have to make sure the other ones are left. Let's say 7.30. Yeah, and cybering protection. I'm going to go now. I'm fucking dampening.

I feel weird playing crisps that want you sexually I wanna have sex with your crisp man right this segment has gone out of control

Paul not as out of control as I'd like because I wanted to fuck those crisps so that's what I wanted it to end on it's bizarre

with me doing this that's later tonight in the timeline. I hope you've got a towel. Christ, my life. In my bum, in my bum. Up the shooter. And I spunk it down the tube. In a spunky dollar tube. In my chocolate popo hole.

I want my poopy in my doobie. And you stick it up my poo shooty. If you do, if you do, if you want it poopy shooty. I don't know how much longer we can sustain this. Poopy shooty, Eli, though. Poopy shooty. No, it's good. It's good.

It's good. I'll help you up my poopy shooty. Up my poopy. Up my shooty. Up my poopy dirty shooty. No, it's good. It's good. It's good. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Up you up, my poopy shooty. Up my poopy. Up my shooty. Up my poopy dirty shooty. Please, I can't. Just, that's it. What got in?

I don't fucking care. See you next week. No, we're not finished yet. We are. This segment's done. Press a button. It's Paul's Pleasurable Pastimes. It's Paul's Pleasurable Pastimes.

No, it's not. It's Paul's Pleasant Pastimes. It's Paul's Pleasant Pastimes. It's Paul's Pleasant Pastimes. Dear, I am a hero. Paul's Pleasant Pastimes. This is the segment of the show where I get a ball game out I show it to Eli and he decides to sing and shout

and now it might not be a massive game and one that you know well I hope this board game comes along and delivers some joy as well Paul's Pleasant Pastimes Stick it up your cunt Right, so we've got this This week's board game

Is called Chicken Soup For the soul The game And it's been given to us By Trampcum Sweet Squeezy Trampcum Squee Scum

Scum Squeegee Scrum Scrum Scrimpy Scrumpy Crumpy Icronic Conkle Crisps I'm Uncle Conkey I can't get words out today Trampcum Squeegee Sends a load of stuff in

two big boxes worth of things of board games CDs price of shite snacks we're going to pass this out over the next few weeks and we're starting

with Chicken Soup for the Soul the game thanks very much for that all that stuff Tramp Cum Tramp Cum thank you

I mean his name's Gaz we can just call him Gaz I should have just done that in the first place right so I don't know too much about the book that this board game is based on, but it is based on a book called Chicken Soup for the Soul. And it was designed by two guys called Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen,

who are both motivational speakers, business guys who are going like, yeah. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit people. You know, they go in and they say, you want to turn your business around? It's the three Fs. Fun, factories, finances, and fornication.

If you don't get one right, you're letting them down. Well, your business do well. It's the big E. Exploitation. Exploitation. Exploit your workers. It's how capitalism works. I don't need to be here.

Sorry, got a bit critical there. If your employee does not want to do the job you've asked them to do, there are three stages. One, a slap in the face. Give them a slap in the face. Get their attention. Get your eyes going. They're really slapping with the face.

And then step two, a choke of the neck. You grab them. A choke of the neck? A choke of the neck, and you bring them towards you. And that's when you bring in the third one. Give them the eye. Oh, the kick of the balls? No, give them the eye.

First of all, slap in the face, grab them in the neck, give them the eye, cry. And once they the balls? No, give him the eye. You go, first of all, slap at the face, grab at the neck, give him the eye, cry. And once they're crying, you know you've broken them. So remember, remember, no, not thumb up the bum, Eli.

Thumb punch the bum? No. I love you. We work so well together. Ladies and gentlemen, I did a little thumbs up there and he knew I wanted him to... Up the bum.

I know, right? It's just that way it goes. So remember, a slap on the face, a grab at the throat, a give him the eye and a thumb up the bum. It's just that way it goes. So remember, a slap on the face, a grab on the throat, a give a me eye and a thumb up the bum. And can you believe this is the second time we've tried this introduction? We're not any good. Right, so we're going to crack on.

So they were going around giving these motivational speeches to people, to businesses, all this kind of stuff. Turn your business around, whatever. Business consultancy bullshit. And during the course of this, they would get inspirational stories wouldn't they you know steven steven who inherited uh something from his nan after suffering in a horrible temp job for years and he used that money to make that's not motivational no he's saying he inherits all right okay okay so all right it wouldn't be that would it so here's steven and he's worked at a horrible temp job for 20 years and he wants to get out and one day you know he sees an advert on the bus for apples and he goes oh i like apples

and he decides to buy an apple tree and then he bought an apple tree and loved that apple tree with all his heart and one apple tree became two and two became three three became an orchard george washington or something i don't know it's johnny apple seed isn't it i don't know who johnny apple seed is didn't he have a bonk on the head from an apple? Ooh, spunky seed. Wait, slap in the face, grab a threak, give it the eye and a bonk on the head with an apple? And a thump, thump, thump.

So, they collaborated and then got all these stories together and put them in a book called Chicken Soup for the Soul. And you were saying, like, chicken soup is a particular phrase because it's it it's known as jewish penicillin it's a huge cliche yeah i think mainly in sort of uh american jewish it's an old wivesy tale kind of thing isn't it they give you chicken soup when you're sick especially with a fever or a cold yeah it's funny because these days you see all these sort of health um supplements which are like bone broth yeah they do think there's a high nutritional value to... I mean, look, if you're really ill or you're down, a nice bowl of soup full stop.

That's what I was going to say. One of the huge reasons why chicken soup makes you feel better is because chicken soup is delicious. And what they're saying is these stories are a balm for life's wear and tear. Yes, but it's got that peculiar sort of folksy, huckstery American ring to it. Like chicken of the sea. How funny, because it's the and tear. Yes, but it's got that peculiar sort of folksy, huckstery American ring to it, like chicken of the sea. How funny, because it's the same chicken. You know, there's a brand of tuna called chicken of the sea. Okay, right.

It's those kind of really... It doesn't roll off the tongue, chicken soup for the soul, really, does it? Chicken soup for the soul. It kind of does. It kind of does, but only because I think it's just fallen into parlance now. It's almost Victorian in its formulation. It's too wordy. But again, there's all these like men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

Yes, but those are self-help, you see. So is it self-help or isn't? It's almost like self-help light. It came from the same part of culture, this motivational. It's an ersatz, isn't it? It's an ersatz self-help book. Because rather than saying, here are instructions for you to change your life, this is a book saying

here are examples of people just like you who decided to change their life or made it better or helped someone else's life and things like that and that's what

you could do maybe too. It's food for thought. Yes. It's chicken soup for thought. It is. And that's where we're ending this episode

on that wonderful thought. You see, you say there's nothing wrong with that on the face of it. There's nothing wrong on the face of that. I agree there's nothing wrong with that on the face of it there's nothing wrong with that i agree there's nothing wrong with something you know an inspirational story but it's just so cynical from the word go it's it's become this huge corporate franchise oh yeah and and i think the clue is these aren't people who want to inspire people artistically like a writer would like a writer would have like a novelist would inspire someone you know because the story is so meaningful but this is sort of bypassing that taking a bunch

of anecdotes from fucking grannies yeah and and you know it's more relatable though isn't it if you're getting inspiration from someone like you on the street it could it seems to carry more weight than alan twat who's the fucking guy who runs the company, you know, whatever, and he's doing a talk about how to improve your business or how to, positive thinking helps with business. It's different from that because there's a certain amount of distance

between you and a millionaire telling you how to change your life. Yes, absolutely, which is why it's such a clever, but I just feel that there's no state, there's nothing genuine in this. It's just money-making for these two people hugely successful and as we looked it out yeah they have 250 separate titles which is fucking crazy so they keep repackaging it i mean this is an example of another just another reskin of the same basic content isn't it this game it just feels like

i'll tell you why it feels insidious to me because when you look at the front of it it's like it it's it's earthy it it's it's folksy right it's it's getting people to kind of get on board with this because chicken soup for the soul oh it's so gentle and it reminds you of grandma's stories and things like that but unfortunately like when you look past that it's just businessmen talking to other businessmen and making conglomerates because like they also behind the folksy attitude have like their own brand of pet food. They own a TV station and a small production company. This is what I'm getting at. But they don't seem to have any input.

They just have investments in it. And they are now trying to get films out. You can see them having a whole network similar to Hallmark or something like that. It feels like that. It feels like Hallmark primarily a shop to selling cards, but here's this whole TV network industry they've got going on. It's very similar, isn't it?

That's what they're looking to do. So in many respects, they are exploiting people because they're taking real stories that people are giving freely to be in the next copy of the book. This is what I'm kind of getting at. If you have a really inspirational story, why not write it and have a great book? Ah, right.

But here's the thing. So this board game, which we're about to talk about now, and we'll break the rules down, came with this because they're obviously pumping out books. There's like Chicken Soup for the Soul for kids and Chicken Soup for the Soul for pets and for the elderly and for whatever. Any demographic, they think. There's a version of it. Yeah.

Many volumes of it. 250 titles. But they're not writing. These guys aren't writing these books themselves. Here's how they're doing it. In this board game itself, it came with this this a little sheet with lines on share your heart it says some of the best stories come from people like you share your heart with the rest of the world if you have a story poem or article your own or someone else's that you feel yeah that you feel

belongs in a future volume of chicken soup for the soul please use this form and send it to the editors in s Barbara, California. And I'm thinking... And you will be completely exploited. It's just chat GPT, basically, or whatever, isn't it? Well, it's like Facebook or some kind of social media thing where they take your story and they benefit. It's like you or someone else's.

So they don't care where it's coming from. Plagiarise someone, and because you've sent it in, we can't get done. Probably. That sounds like, isn't it? Yeah. Nick someone else's story. I was just idly in the library the other week, and I found something really inspirational I wanted to share with you.

I wandered lonely as a cloud. I know. It's absurd. But it is. That's what I mean about the cynicism goes down to the core of this whole franchise, as far as I'm concerned. It is like content making where you're relying on your audience to make your content for you.

So that's it and they fucking ka-ching. When they realised they were doing this thing that's making them money, the motivational speaking, then people tell them shit and then it generates

this whole other, you know, it's all about income flows. It's all business to diversification. It's all so capitalist. It's just one big human centipede of content yeah

it's like my mouth to your ass my mouth to your ass my mouth to your ass it's one ongoing and basically i think the sort of morality at the at the base of it is probably like work hard be kind and don't sweat the small shit isn't it basically i mean as we'll find playing this game they've managed to because here's the thing it's inspirational stories to share this isn't a game that kind of is too competitive the idea is you've got to... Because here's the thing. It's inspirational stories to share. This isn't a game that kind of is too competitive. The idea is you've got to collect... Of course it isn't

because it's fucking new. Yeah. You've got to collect like eight cards of the different genres of question that they have on here. But effectively, it's like there's no hard and fast rules. It's like if the team agrees

that your answers are correct, then you get the card and move it on. Oh God, wishy-washy bullshit. Yeah. It does not a good fit for the game. One other thing I wanted to mention, Paul. Yeah.

Who stole my cheese? I don't know. Do you remember that? No. That's a huge, another huge self-help franchise in the States. And it's like, it's so similar in the way it's been sort of marketed to this, isn't it? It's a phrase, you know, homie, who stole my cheese? Right.

And it's all about not getting annoyed when someone moves it. Who moved my cheese? Where's the beef? Who moved my cheese? Who's moved my beefy cheese? Who moved my cheese. Right. And it's all about not getting annoyed when someone moves my cheese. Where's the beef? Who moved my cheese? Who's moved my beefy cheese? Who moved my cheese? No one.

I have farted. Who's moved my cheese? Granny. Granny's moved the cheese. Who's spotched out a little kiss mark over their bum? Who's done a little

bit of turtle tongue on the top of their pants? Turtle tongue on the top of my trousers. Now. It's like that. Blip. A little blip.

Just peek. There's a little bit of poo peeping out. Blip. Like a turtle's Now. Blip. Little blip. Just peek. There's a little bit of poo peeping out. Blip. Like a turtle's tongue. Blip. Blip. Little blurp of.

The other thing I wanted to mention. Little blurp of shirt. Go on. What was the other thing I wanted to mention? What colour do you want to be by the way?

Who stole my cheese? I'm going to be black, white, yellow, red or blue because I've picked green. Chicken soup for my boss. What do you want to be? Black, white, red, yellow or blue?

I've picked green. Oh, that's the other thing I wanted to mention. Look at me. I'll be red, please. Thank you. Soul, right? The idea of the soul from Descartes is that he was a dualist,

so he thought there was a world of matter, the world, and then there was a world where the soul resided, non-physical. There's two worlds. That's the dual worlds, right? Yeah. Which makes this even more nonsensical

because chicken soup is something you use to medicate a physical body, but a soul is non-physical. Well, I mean, that's getting into the weeds of just being pernickety though, isn't it, frankly? I hate this. I hate everything about this. No, because I like the idea of inspirational stories.

It's just that the machinery behind it... How do you feel? Do you feel your soul? Do you feel your soul get better? Your soul does fuck all. It just exists. What's that track, that old blues track,

whatever it is, you know, Soup Soul. What's that? Soup Soul. What's that track where it's like, take a pinch of drums. Ba-da-da-da-da.

Memphis Soul Stew. Yeah. That soul is a musical genre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying is it's almost a similar use of, like stew soup soul. You know what I mean?

It's got this similar kind of vibe. Memphis salt stew. It's what's good for you. Great track, by the way. King Curtis. Is it King Curtis? I don't know. I think it's King Curtis.

Stool pigeon. Ach-a-cha-cha. No, that's Kid Creole. Same difference. Crinkle cronk iconic. Right, so we're going to play the game. Now, here's how the game works, right? Get ready.

The board itself is a very simple, simple board. There's a circle, and on that circle, there are circular steps to move along. It's like a round race. Yeah, and it's an infinite loop, because the idea is there are four types of cards, and you win a card by achieving the task on the card that you need to do. The task on the card is determined by the dice that you roll. How do we win? If you get given a card, if you land on one of the cards and it says,

do this, and I agree that you've done that to the best of your ability, then you take the card. This is going to go so badly. Because each card is a little anecdote, is it? I'll tell you. So you move around the board and you land on different types of cards. There are four. There are favourite recipes,

secret ingredients, key ingredients and special seasonings. They're the four card genres. Yeah, special sauce. And I'm just trying to see. Why is there no sauce? There isn't.

And then the dice has six sides but only three icons. A spoon on two sides, a bowl on two sides and a pot on two sides. Can I see the... Yeah. And when you roll the dice, that will tell you which of the categories on the card only three icons a spoon on two sides a bowl on two sides and a pot on two sides i see that yeah and when you roll the dice that will tell you which of the categories on the card you will be using for your challenge my favorite item in this whole set is this dice it's very much like those

story dice yeah no it's it's it's sort of laser etched isn't it the and inked into each face of the die about this though is it the game rules aren't laid out like game rules. They're laid out like a recipe. So it says recipe, how to play, servings per game, two to six plays or team play. This is the cutesiness factor that is fucking me off. Ingredients, one board game, 200 cards, six tokens, a pinch of pencil, one pad.

And a little thing to rip you off of your experiences and fucking commodify your whole life. No, get this. One tablespoon of humour, a pinch of wisdom, a dash of friendship and a generous portion of love. Yeah, I fucking, you know, let's both do it, Eli. Give me a fucking generous portion of my chow. How do you like this?

You want a big, full portion? A big portion of my love, eh? Chicken spod for your mouth, love. How about that? Excuse me while I pull this strap aside and let a portion dangle out. Chunky spodge for your hole, if that's what it's called. I've done it again.

Right. So basically, pick a card. Right, you've got these different kind of cards. How do you win, Paul? You're really confusing me. I'll tell you how you win. By answering the question on the card,

and if I go, yes, that's a good enough answer, you get the card. I get the card. So it's subjective. How do I win? By having the most cards when the time is up? Yeah. Well, in this case, we're going to play it until the time is up. But ideally, when you play it, it's the first person to collect six cards.

Six cards. Two of each genre. Ah, that might happen quick. Yeah, it might happen quick. If we rush through. So you move. You basically move first then you pick up a card then you do what the card says and then when you win that thing it tells you to move

how many spaces based on how successful you are so you only really need to use the dice a few times in the game okay so key ingredients these cards ask you to define yourself by identifying things that affect your daily life special seasoning. These cards use a multiple choice format and challenge you to guess how a particular player would respond in a special situation. Secret ingredient. These cards ask you to discover some information

from another player. And favorite recipe. These cards ask players to tell the group some kind of short personal story. Oh, which we fucking have a bug on the bottom of the board to monetize. So, with all that being said, let's get in touch with ourselves.

Let's find a bit of inspiration that maybe we can do in this segment to our listeners. Paul, you know what? I want to bring some kindness here. Yeah. And I want to sprinkle in a little bit of love. A little bit of love for everyone. And maybe this segment will teach and create growth in someone. You know, you can only go forward one day at a time. Going forward one day at a time.

Ding, ding, dong, dong. Let's keep going. Let's play the game. Nick! No, no can only go forward one day at a time, going forward one day at a time. Ding, ding, dong, dong, let's keep going. Let's play the game. Nick, Nick. No, no. Let's play. Let's play chicken soup. I'm going to try and calm it down. Okay, sorry.

So let's play chicken soup for the soul. Yeah. So this is what's going to happen on every turn. You pick a card, roll the dice, do what the card says, get points, move accordingly. Who goes first? Well, it says here the hungriest player goes first. Are you hungry?

No. Are you? Did you have a big large breakfast today? I did. I had a salt beef sandwich-y thing. Oh. Yeah, it was nice. From Wenzel's.

A little cat near me. Tell you what, that New Yorker from Wenzels, I had it on that walkabout the other day. Yeah, you were happy with that, weren't you? It was good value. Four quid. Yeah. Bit greasy. It wasn't greasy.

It was more sort of peppery. A bit flaky, the meat was. Well, look, Eli, on the first move, right, the first player takes a card from any deck. The hungriest. I mean, that's just, the whole thing is fucking stupid from the word go, isn't it? The hungriest player goes first.

How are you meant to fucking, it's just, it's unscientific. That's half an hour of like just people around the table going, well, I don't know, I had a pool of chips around six o'clock.

I guess it did its job. We both talked about what we fucking ate and I had a sandwich. What have you had? I had a leftover Chinese. And when I say leftover Chinese, I mean like fucking full Chinese.

It's lovely. So you've got to go first. I'm going to this new place, Phillip Garden. I don't care. They do the battered ribs. I don't care. I will not allow you

to say more information on this. Right. So, because you're going to go first, Eli, it says the first player just takes a card from any deck, rolls the dice to pick a question,

blah, blah, blah. Okay, should I do that? Yeah. So any card you want. You've got special ingredients favorite recipes secret ingredients so what was that special seasonings and secret ingredients okay so which one do you want i'll go for special seasonings right so take the card right just the one now roll the dice now roll it because that whatever it lands on is the question you pick that it's a little bowl of that's a little bowl it says so whatever the bowl is on that card i've got the card. What's that? It's a little bowl of... That's a little bowl, it says.

So whatever the bowl is on that card... Okay, I've got the bowl icon here. So let me just remind... What was the special seasonings one again? This is multiple choice format. A challenge for you to guess how a particular player... All right, okay. Go on, read it. Read it.

When retired, this player... Who player? Which player? Is it me? You. Oh, it's me. Yeah. When retired, I, Eli Silverman, resident supertaster, will spend time... And here are your three options, Paul.

So when you retire, this is what you'll do. What will I spend time doing? All right. Okay. So how do we get a point on this? Or how do you get a point on this? If we match, do we... If you guess which one I will, we'll be doing.

Okay. Well, let's just read it and see what it says next. When retired, this player will spend time A. Travelling B. Writing C. Volunteering D. Vomiting into their mouth with this cutesy shit.

Yeah, right. I was going to wonder where. What was the first one again? Travelling. Yeah. B. Writing. Yeah. C. Volunteering.

Okay. So, read the situation aloud. You and the selected player... God, you're really not getting this, are you? If we match, then you get to keep this card. Ah, this is what we need pen and paper for. No, we can just be honest. Okay. Because I don't think you're going to lie.

I have to pick one of those three and so do you about me. Yeah. And we'll go three, two, one and say the letter at the same time, alright? Three, two, one, there. Whatever. Yeah? Okay. So, it, one, and say the letter at the same time, all right? Three, two, one, there. Whatever, yeah? Okay. So it's traveling, writing, and... Volunteering. Volunteering. Okay, ready?

Do you know which one you're going to say? God. Yes. Sorry, it's hard. I'm learning things about myself. I'm learning stuff, do that, you fucking prick. Oh. Right, here we go.

Ready? Three, two, one, say it. Three, two, one. A. A. Yeah, I thought you'd a fucking prick. Oh. Right, here we go. Ready? Three, two, one, say it. Three, two, one. A. Yeah, I thought you'd be a traveller. I can imagine you with a bindle going from town to town. That's denigrating.

What? Why? You're saying I'll be a hobo. No, I'm saying like... I'll have a rucksack. No, you're like... I own a rucksack now. I have two rucksacks.

You'd be like Bruce Banner going from town to town and getting angry. No, hungry. Murdering people. You won't like me when I'm going from town to town. And getting angry. No, hungry. Murdering people. You won't like me when I'm hungry. When I'm spuffy. Now, I get to move one.

So you get to keep that card. And it says, if you get it right, then it tells you how many spaces you move. Move one. Okay. I'm moving my red man one. Right, so now I get to pick a card from anywhere I like. Oh, really? I'm going to go with secret ingredients.

Secret ingredients. I'm rolling it. Roll that dice. Another bowl. Okay, you need to read the bowl out from secret ingredients. This will explain itself. Just read it out. Okay, right.

Other than locking the door, what is the last thing this person does before leaving the house? You. Who? The oldest person? What's this card? I'm the oldest. Secret ingredients. Let me just go back to this one. I'm The oldest person? What's this card? I'm the oldest. Secret ingredients. I'm the oldest

person. This game sucks, man. These cards ask you to discover some information from another player. Okay, so yeah, you. I'm asking you, the oldest player. Other than locking the door, what is the last thing this person does before leaving the house? What do you do? I mean, I know what the answer is. You check 18 times if your

fags got out of your ashtray. That's true. So you go, I'm taking that. I stand there just making sure nothing's on fire. Lock the door. You look out of the doorway. Then you open the door and come back into your room and check it again. Don't.

You're pulling it too back. And then you move the ashtray. You're pulling the curtain way too back. I'm just saying. I'm being honest, mate. I'm revealing honestly. I'm opening myself up. You are right.

It's funny. This game's working, isn't it? Yes. It just means two things. One, we'm being honest, mate. I'm revealing honestly. I'm opening myself up. You are right. It's funny. This game's working, isn't it? Yes. It just means two things. One, we know each other too well. And B, what sad lives we lead. We do. Okay, so.

But you are right, Paul. I have to give it to you. So you win that card. All right, I move one. I'm moving your green man one. Yeah, so now whatever is on that square is the card you pick. Okay, and that is special. Seasoning.

Seasoning. The orange or mustard colour. Do I have to roll again or do I have to go for the same one? It's always a dice. Card, dice, action. Spoon. Spoon. It's another multiple choice, isn't it? Yes.

And it's about me, right? Okay, it's about you. If the police... Uh-oh, here we go. Talk of the devil. If the police showed up at the door... Uh-oh. This player would...

Cry. Cry and weep. Like a big baby. Yeah, repent. A, speak to them. B, hide. C, call a lawyer. I mean...

After three, what would I do? Hang on. I need to work this out. Ice is so vague. Okay, isn't it? It doesn't say whether they're arresting them or... No, it doesn't say anything It's just stupid

A copper turns up It could be a stripper gram Stupid Could be anything Fucking stupid Could be a Could be a fake policeman It's basically just hoping

Someone will go I remember when the The police showed up And they got the wrong person Yeah Alright Well Three

Two One B B Yeah you'd hide You'd be an absolute Fucking coward No no What I'd speak to them No you wouldn hide You'd be an absolute Fucking coward No no

What? I'd speak to them No you wouldn't You would just sit Slightly in your room And turn your laptop off I would speak to them I did before

I witnessed a shooting Round here Do you remember I told you about that? No And at Operation Trident I got a proper Flying squad

Detective Who saw me Who came to see me That day Where did he see you? Holding a gun? No he came over to the flat my friend's flat up in Wood Green

because I called it in I witnessed a shooting so you saw it? no I heard it I heard the gun go off this is up in Wood Green and then I saw two guys jump into a car

by a bus stop run round the corner and so I called them up I was at my friend's house who lived up there at the time. And I went in and I said what had happened, and they said, you should, you know. Yeah, but you know what the subtle difference is in that story? You were at someone else's place.

And you weren't here. And because if they'd have come here... I wouldn't have minded. Yeah. Excuse me, mate. We've had... I don't think, at that level... We've had rumours that someone late at night is shouting words, let me regard my book. Chodney. spoffle, chuff. Hello, I'm Spadge Harry.

You would sit in your room silent until the door stopped knocking. I'm sorry. I think you'd be a coward about it. And then they came up... They can smell the drugs and booze on your breath. They'll smell the drugs and booze on your breath. Follow up to this story about a year later... Or a coke under your nose as well.

Follow up to this story about a year later, your nose as well follow up to this story yeah about a year later he did come to my house the same um detective yeah for what reason up in old and kensal um yeah because you gave your address haven't you you were about to give me your address he's but he said was it all right if i come around and talk to you about this because the the culprit was in court at the time and they needed like further he needed further sort of yeah corroboration and evidence from me funny eh yeah

so what happened he's gone out on a date I think the guy don't come on you can come to my own place if you want sir what's my address

why it's 999 Let's Be Avenue Let's Be Avenue and I'll make you a nice meal as well what Irish stew Irish stew

Irish stew for the soul Irish stew for the soul I bet there is stew for the soul. Irish stew for the soul? I bet there is fucking a version called, Hey, Irish stew for the soul. Irish stew's arsehole. Right. So I'm going to... No, you don't get a card.

Don't put the card to the side. It's out of the game now. You don't know me. And you don't move. You don't know me. Right, I'm going to... Oh, no, I'm on the same card. You are...

Special seasoning. I'll hand one to you. Special seasoning. It's a multiple choice. Who? The person with the shortest hair? Well, that's me. Right. I've got to roll the dice. Special seasoning I'll hand one to you Special seasoning It's a multiple choice Who The person with the shortest hair Well that's me Right

I've got to roll the dice Spoon Oh who I haven't been looking at the who There's a bit at the top Doesn't matter The person with the shortest hair Oh it just says

Stir it up High five another player And move two spaces No I'm not going to touch you Otherwise I can't move two spaces You have to high five me I won't do it You have to high-five me. I won't do it. You have to high-five

me. I don't like your sticky hand on me. High-five me. All right. Ah! I didn't even fucking reach you.

I know, but you were running up to it so I tried to hurt my wrist. Just put your hand out so I can slap it. You're such a hurter. Put your hand out

so I can slap it. Don't be a hurter. Put your hand out so I can slap it proper. Don't! You could hurt my wrist quite badly if

you come down on the top. That's what I like. Fucking go forward like a proper... No. That could hurt my wrist quite badly if you come down on the top. That's what I like. Go forward. No. Come on. Let me hear. That's not how you do a high five.

You're not getting these points. You're not getting. Look like this. Watch my hands. All right. Okay. I'll hold my hand still

and you hit it. Okay. Put it. Thank you. All right. But you see the way I did it. Right.

I moved two spots, but I don't get the card. How do you get a car? But you see the way I did it. Right. I move two spots. But I don't get the card. How do you get a card? Is that it? You get a card for high-fiving another player. It's weak. It's weak. It's fucking weak.

Yeah. Right. Two cards. You know what? Move on. Key ingredients. Do that one. That's what you're doing next.

That's the red band. Red band. It doesn't have who on this. All right. Well, then. What's red? What's key ingredients? Oh, this is something deep about who I am as a person, man.

These cards ask you to define yourself by identifying things that affect your daily life. Right. Where's the dice? I've rolled it. Right, what does it say? Bowl of soup. There's bowl and pot, so you've got bowl. Pencil ready?

No, because you fucking neglected this. Hey, shut up. Pencil. Pen've got bowl. Pencil ready? No, because you fucking neglected this. Hey, shut up. Pencil. Pencil, Eli. Pencil ready? And there's also a pad. I don't know where the pad's gone. Oh, fuck that.

Oh, God. Let's just move on to a different card. Let's move on to a different card. No, do it. This is really boring. Read it out. Read it out. Read it out.

We're in it to win it. Pencil ready? Yeah, I've got a pencil. List three sports that you enjoy playing. And that's it. Whatcil ready? Yeah, I've got a pencil. List three sports that you enjoy playing. And that's it. What's the competition element? You have to match two of the ones that I say. What is a sport?

It's an activity. It's a physical activity with some competitive nature, isn't it? Does it have to have... Games aren't sports, but games have a competitive nature. I can't do this. I refuse to do this. Right, well, then you can't do that card.

My go. What would you have said? Basketball, ice hockey. I don't play... I've never played ice hockey in my life. Spam javelin. That's a sporting item rather than a sport itself.

Is it? Shut up. I'm sweating and horrified. Come on, my go. Oh, this is shit. Do I not get that card then? No. Favourite recipes for Ganon.

Fuck this game. Roll the dice. No. It's inspirational. I'm feeling inspired. Bowl of soup. All right, so this is one. Oh, okay.

I've lost the will here, mate. This is about my parenting. I'm a bit in a... Tell about a risky decision you made regarding a child. What the fuck's that mean? Tell about a risky decision you made regarding a child. What the fuck's that mean? Tell about a risky decision you made regarding a child. I put a kid on top of the car. How do you want me to answer that question?

Well, have you ever made an actual risky decision involving a child? A neglectful or risky decision? Tell about a risky decision you made regarding a child. I don't understand what that means. Like, maybe you're a warlord and you've run out of normal soldiers. So you send loads of kids out to die. Something like that. I mean, it's only happened once in my life.

Or you own a mine, a diamond mine, and it's a very small hole which has a big diamond at the end, and you need to shove a kid down there. That's a decision. I don't have kids. I don't want kids. You don't get the points. You just don't get the points, my friend.

This game's fucking awful. It's really hard to make funny as well, isn't it? I mean... Can we stop, please? We've got five more minutes. No, we'll have to do one of each type of fucking card. Have we done that now? We haven't had...

We haven't done blue, have we? No, Pavrotti's Recipe, or whatever it's called. Pavrotti's Recipe? I can't... We've got red and green. What's that? Favourite. Favourite.

The word favourite, upside down, looks a bit like Pavrotti. All right, well and green. What's that? Favourite. Favourite. The word favourite upside down looks a bit like Pavarotti. Alright, well then you need to do that card then because you're a goat. Let's just, yeah, fuck the board game element.

Let's just take the cards randomly. What would you give this game out of 10? This is, honestly, what's the point of this game? It's no fun.

What's the fucking point of it? You're going to sit down with your mum and dad and you ask your mum, Mum, what's the riskiest decision you ever made with a kid? And she goes, oh, well, I nearly had you aborted. It's like, oh, happy game time, Mum.

Happy game time. Yeah, Dad emptied inside of me when I specifically asked him to finish on my tits. Sorry. Hmm. All right. Right. Bowl.

No, it's not a bowl is it it's a pot it's a pot what is it it's a stupid is what it is answer the pot question it looks like one of those

Rolos do you get those anymore do you you do get Rolos you do now I bought a few weeks ago no you always say this when I talk about something

because it was a fact of life that happened I have not seen what do you think I'd sit around I can't wait to tell Eli I lied about eating Rolos I haven't seen a Rolo in fucking ages.

Yeah, but that's not to do with Rolos. Where are they? This mythical place you go. Corner shop. It's got flakes, it's got Rolos. Yes. Fucking those biscuits that you say, I only get them in restaurants.

The little coffee one. Biscoff. You can fuck off. What's the question? Little butter pot thing. One more each This one and my one Then we're done

Tell us a story About the best party You ever attended Alright you tell me A good story About the best party You ever attended And it can't be the one

Where it ends with your mate Being sick and using it As a pillow That wasn't a party Best party you ever went to Eli I wasn't at that one It was just my friend

He told me about it So I hadn't been there Which was the one Where you said you ate A lot of seafood And you were sick That wasn't a party either And then you had to told me about it so I hadn't been there. Which was the one where you said you ate a lot of seafood and you were sick. That wasn't a party either. And then you had to

eat it back or something. I didn't eat it back. I had to put it down the sink hole. So this is not a party. That wasn't a party. That wasn't a party. Well, at that time

you were sick and shat yourself at the same time. Was that a party? No, I'd just been DJing. That was just Saturday. That was just Saturday. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. For you,

the day I shat my pants and was sick was the strangest day of your life. For me, it was just just Saturday. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. For you, the day I shat my pants and was sick was the strangest day of your life. For me, it was just a Saturday. What's that from? That's from, basically, paraphrasing Street Fighter, the movie. Okay. Right. Wow.

Best party. I think probably the most sort of prestigious. Oh, prestigious. That's a good one. If you're talking about that. Yeah. I'm accepting it. I went to the Cannes Film Festival with my girlfriend at the time paul yeah she was working

for a lady who had a high budget short film that she was trying to sort of launch her career right with was it any good can terrible but she'd spent like 50 grand and this was years and years ago something like that yeah and it was sort of like a sort, sort of noir-y thriller. Sex in it? Yeah, and she was sort of trying to be all sexy in it. All right. The woman was a monster, a horrible woman, who just literally ignored me.

My girlfriend was working for her. Right. We'd just made a film, Sick Bastards, which people have seen bits of online. Yeah. It's sort of like King of Comedy. Eli's getting cancelled. No, no, no. Go on. It was sort of like king of comedy eli's getting cancelled no no no go on

it was sort of like a king of comedy style thing where i was an aspiring sort of uh reality tv sort of star oh okay how you did you never see that no i look extremely young so ostensibly we were going to show that to people sick bastards yeah off the back of this other one well we were because we were in cannes so we were going to show it at the on the wall we were going to project it in our flat

how absolutely avant-garde but the director of her film came over once and we were like oh we'll show him you know and he literally

just ignored it completely I mean it was yeah it wasn't great what a load of shit so that was the best party though was it no that wasn't the party alright what was the party

anyway but there was this sort of I was she wasn't nice to the party alright what was the party anyway but there was this sort of I was she wasn't nice to me the woman who was employing my girlfriend yeah she was fucking rude

to me in fact she was one of these people who had this bluetooth thing and when we first met her we just got off the train to meet her yeah

in Cannes and she was literally like not looking just talking to someone on it hi Barbara yes take my bag literally like take my bag really yeah horrible it sounds on it. Hi, Barbara, yes. Take my bag. Literally, like, take my bag.

Yeah, like horrible. It sounds like you were on the set of the fucking White Lotus. Yes, like that kind of thing. She was just full of herself, completely arrogant, deluded about her.

Rashed up at themselves. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we weren't getting on because I don't really sort of take that kind of shit from people, generally. No.

You know what I mean? I'm not going to sort of like, you know. Bend over backwards for someone who's absolutely not cheating you like a human so anyway there's a sort of rivalry

we're on a boat there's a Soho houseboat or something which is down on the docks in Cannes we get on it which is kind of

ooh and then I have some hash and I'm by the side of the boat smoking this joint of hash and there's this guy and he's like

oh mate what's that mate is that some and there's this guy and he's like, oh, mate, what's that, mate? Is that some weed you got there or whatever? He's Welsh. Oh, he's Australian. Couldn't fool me. And then I share it with him and he's like, oh, all right. And that man was Paul Hogan

from Crocodile Dundee. No, go on. Oh, one good turn deserves another. Here, I got these tickets for this party. He whacked you off. Shut up. I got these tickets for this party. He whacked you off. Shut up. I've got these tickets for this party. Yeah.

And it was like, I've still got it in my room, this invitation. It was like Invisible Inc. and it was the James Bond party. Oh, yeah. Do you know who was at that? What year was that? It was a Brosnan one. I think the last Brosnan one. Okay.

Well, that would have been very early noughties. 2001, I think. It's around that time. Yeah. Around that time. Somewhere around that time. So you went to the Bond party? Yeah.

And they had it in Pierre Cardin's fucking mansion. Yeah. Which was designed by Roger Dean, who's the artist, the cover artist for Yes. Yes. And you know that kind of imagery that he sometimes has little pod buildings, these sort of organic-looking pods. Yeah, I've heard that. This fucking mansion was basically that. Huge thing.

Built for the fashion designer. Because it kind of does have a Bond villain lair vibe to it. Totally. It's up the hill, it's overlooking the sea, sort of. And they had a huge casino just with play money, which was the James Bond.

Yeah, yeah. They also had music areas, these outdoor auditoriums. How much money did you lose with fake money then? the James Bond yeah they also had like music areas these outdoor how much money did you lose with fake money then I didn't even bother but the fact was

everyone wanted it was the hot ticket that night obviously this party and she didn't get one but I got one and she was like

you should give it to me she was sort of freeing my girlfriend saying yeah you should and then you went nah fuck off love basically there's no way in a million years. So you told a woman to fuck off

and went to a Bond party? Yes. Great. What an inspirational tale that was. And Jazzy B was there. Jazzy B? As in Soul to Soul. Oh, right.

They were performing. And I looked around. And everyone, hey, Ron Jeremy's here, everyone. It was before. Oh, yeah. No, you wouldn't look like that. I wouldn't look like that then.

You look more like Pinocchio from Shrek. And they had a special bus from the can town centre that took us all in a coach. Yeah. You know? So it was probably the most sort of... Were you dressed up? No, I just put a shirt on or something. I don't...

Fine. I don't think I had a tux with me or anything. Fine. I didn't have my cock out. I don't think you've ever worn a tux in your life, have you? No. No. I've had suits.

Yeah. But anyway... Every time you wear a suit, it looks like you're about to go to the dole office. But I went with my girlfriend's other employer was there, who worked for a film training company. Right. Yosin. And she came with, she got a ticket somehow as well. And my girlfriend

didn't really want to go to the party. She wanted a night off with us. So I went up with Yosin. Yeah, there you go. We did have a really good time. Oh, no, you know what? That is a great anecdote. Those free drinks, obviously. That is a good story.

That is a good party. Well done. And very inspirational. Now, I feel like I can tell an old actress to fuck off as well. It wasn't any direct communication. She was seething. I would have literally got up to her and went, wagging it in front of her face and went,

squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky finger off. But it felt like such a such a victory after the way I'd been treated by her and she wanted it and I'd done it I'd done it by being kind

and sort of human to someone you know sharing my my spliff with them and there you go so if you share your drugs with some stranger on a boat they might give you a ticket you might get to be

a magic ticket knobbed off in a Bond villain castle I've got it in the other room the ticket as well the original ticket it was one of these ones take a picture for the website we'll got it in the other room, the ticket as well. The original ticket. It was one of these ones. I'll take a picture for the website.

We'll post it. Okay. It was like black, but it was like global hyper-color. When you blow on it, it had the address. That's really fucking cool. Like a black fold-out

sort of fancy thing. All right, well then, I'm going to pick one more card then we're going to end this. It's going to be the same card. Share something with us you learned from the opposite sex. Down a bit, up a bit.

There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. Get out! You get the points there. Tell us a story about something someone older taught you.

Up a bit, down a bit. Down a bit. There you go. There you go. There you go. Get out! Grandson. There you go.

There you go. I like that bit. Oh, my God. Tell us something you once learned from an animal. Well. Up a bit I like that bit. Oh, my God. Tell us something you once learned from an animal. Well. Up a bit, down a bit. There you go. There you go.

There you go. Boom, boom. Basil brush. Fuck this game. I hate this game. No, really bad. I hate this game. No strategy.

Although, I did get a lovely story from Mr. Silverman about his Bond party. And that's, frankly, enough of that okay bye everyone I'll see you after the thing after the thing yeah we're not going but we're coming back in a bit

everyone knows this is it this is where people tune out now but don't worry we're going to say something outrageous next what's it going to be

Plump Gash everyone Plump Gash Plump Gash, everyone. Plump Gash. Plump Gash. Right. Well, that's Cheap Show over for yet another week. Look, long story short, social media, YouTube channel, links to episodes, Patreon links, art, videos, whatever, whatever, whatever.

It's all in a one-stop shop, thecheapshow.co.uk go there for everything cheap show but if you really want to check us out on uh twitter it's at the cheap show pod i'm at paul gannon show and eli is eli snow it's spelled eli s-n-o-i-d i also do a music radio show radio yeah talk about that uh two till four every two weeks. So in two weeks' time on a Sunday. Well, that doesn't sound good, does it? Anyone could listen to this and it would still be two weeks. The House of Pickle Sound Show on Soho Radio. Just look for that and listen in when you can on a Sunday,

but not every Sunday. Oh, it's confusing now. Thanks, everyone. What else? Yeah, well, there's patreon.com if you'd like to help support this podcast and keep it going, which, you know, is up to you. But if you do want to do it, give what you can, but only if you can. Hey!

You done it! Patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Years now. Years of extra podcasts and videos. Oh, there's so much stuff. And depending on the tier, you get access to visual episodes,

walkabout behind the scenes, behind the scenes of making-offs, magazines, extra articles, extra podcasts. Behind the scenes of making-offs. That's two tiers down on the making-offs.

It's like I'm filming you the making of the making of someone's making a making of of me making of making spunk yeah it's a Russian doll

of making spoogeys making cum producing really what you ought to submit

to this segment yes what lately is going to be available is the walkabout where we were the other day available yet yes the walkabout that where we where we were the other day available yet yes the walkabout episode we did uh at the stanmore park is already up for

patrons and before the end of this month we're getting out the extra podcast and the extra video episode for our top tier as well it's all coming there's loads of stuff good you'll get notifications so thank you so much for helping keep this bloody show going. Thanks very much. And again, if you want to see Digi Live on the... 28th and 29th. 28th and 29th of July, get your tickets. We're going to have a link on our website, thetubes.co.uk. And I think that's it in our show. That's about it, mate.

That's all for this week. Now, Paul, this is the moment where you usually struggle to say something funny, but you won't be able to say goodbye. I'm not even going to attempt to say something funny this week. Fine. I'm not going to try. Good. Oh, oh, oh, oh. What's going on in my mouth? Oh, oh, oh say something funny this week. Fine. I'm not going to try. Good.

What's going on in my mouth? A chicken from the Sesame Street. What was the Picasso? But that chicken, that's a callback. It's the kissing chicken. It's not a kissing chicken. It's not a kissing. It's the kissing chicken. It's not. Well, he gobbles my cock.

Da-da-duff. I hate. I shouldn't have tried. I know. You shouldn't have. I told you not to. I'm not sure you were right. We had an element of Bon Ami

and a good sort of feeling there. Helena Bon Ami Carter. You're right. Nothing's coming out, Eli. Nothing funny's coming out. Help me. Helena Bollocking Carter. No, we right nothing's coming out Eli nothing funny's coming out help me Helena Bollock and Carter no we're both losing it Eli

I know I think we should tap out goodbye goodbye everybody hello in a change to our usual programming this week's episode of Cheap Show has been pulled from the schedule. In its place, a brand new series of Eli's Mad Mouth Hour. Enjoy. Here's what happens. You put him on the spot to deliver and he can't get it up. What? I've got one. I've got one.

He's a sexual traitor. Brabage. No. Brabage. The show's already been cancelled, Mr. Silverman. You've missed out. I've got brabage. You can't. If you can't bring it when you need to and you can't perform when I ask you to perform for me. Oh, here we go. There's your bingo

card scored off as Eli hung over and tired. So he's let you down on the mad mouth hour. He's let you down on the mad mouth hour. He's let you down on his... Brubbage! That's pretty mad. Bubbage. Brubbage. Brubbage. Define brubbage before we go any further.

It's a growth. It's a growth that... It's on the underside of Velcro pillows. There's a fungal growth, brubbage, that goes on there. Use it in context. Ooh, what's that smell in your car, Mr Johnson? Well, it wasn't me. It was...

It was brubbage. I've got a terrible case of brubbage. I think my bollocks dropped it off. Oh, my foreskin is packed with brubbage. Ooh, I've got a real furry build-up of brubbage packed in my foreskin. This is what I do in some ways for a living, Paul. No, I would argue in all ways this is what you do for your living. You open your mouth and turds roll out your tongue in the form of

word sounds. Lupage de scamo. So, you've started me off now. Filthy. Filthy's not a real word. Velma. Velma's a name. Your brain's struggling. I can literally see. Velma Spillane and her vag cakes.

You see, you always bring up vagges, and I'm beginning to wonder. I like vag. No, yeah, well, you know, those who talk about it a lot don't get to play on that sport, do they? Spladge.

Do they? What about spladge? He's used spladge before. I need a new word. I don't think I have used spladge. I want a word. I want a word like hocockit or something like that.

No, all of yours are like a hoffanane, a godomane, a babonane, isn't it? You've got a mouth nonsense deficiency. Try some... All right, I've got one. Vera Spillane!

No, I've got one. Plappage. I think we should start again, the whole thing. It didn't work. Press the button.