CheapShow - Ep 352: Dr Pepper's Flavoured Soda Cans

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

If there is one thing we love on CheapShow, it’s the Charity Shop Showcase. It’s the part of the show where we can spend a little more cash and show off something weird or wonderful. This week Eli has found something Pirates of the Caribbean shaped, and Paul has a Kenny Everett annual from 1981. Which will join the “showcase” and which will end up in “no place”? There is also a rather curious challenge ahead for the Cheap Chaps. They’ve been sent a range of Dr Peppers, each with an unusual flavour twist. Can Eli differentiate between the many variations, or does it all taste the bloody same? To make things a bit spicier, Paul is well up for a fight this week, which Eli finds unnecessary! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-352-dr-pepper-soda-cans And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter (we’re not calling it X) @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Don't sigh. Don't sigh before you press the button. That is... That's bad mental hygiene. Is it? We need to clean up the mental hygiene. I'm sorry. I just sat here for two minutes as you went,

splinge, splough, squiffle. I didn't say splough or squiffle. I just said splange. Nibble, jingle bumble. I just sit there for two minutes and hear you get that fucking noise out of your system. So yeah, you're right. When I said, is it time to go? And you went, yeah, I sighed. You sighed audibly. How do you think

that makes me feel? How do you think me sitting here for two minutes in here and you go splinge, guav. You know what it was called? You know what it's called, Paul? Is it called a vocal warm-up? No, if you'd known, if you spend any time around professional performers... Well, without logic...

You would know. Cheap Show has been an eight-year fucking vocal warm-up for you. No, it hasn't. Yes, it has. No, I said splanch is my warm-up word. Shall we start again? No. Come on!

You sighed! Yeah, you love it, don't you? I yeah you love it don't you I don't love it you love sighing you love wallowing in the filth of your own misery

and incompetence and just you just my filth bed is comfy cosy and inviting and if I wanna

if I wanna wade into my own soggy damp brown misery I will I will I will

and I'll go further I'll go further. I'll go further. I'll stay in it for the whole episode. Okay, fine. I don't want to do a show then. No, I know. You don't want to do it. That's the whole point.

I don't want to do this week's show now because of you. You sighed and then pressed the record button. Yeah, and you... How do you think that makes me feel, Paul? How do you think it makes me feel? About the prospect of working with you for the next hour or so. I hope... It makes me feel bad inside.

Does it? I feel bad inside. I it? I feel bad inside. I feel hollow. Hollow of impetus. Hello, I'm hollow of impetus. I've got a halo. I feel like Primark. Cheap and ready to tear.

No, just full of various size. That was utterly fucking awful Now we need to start again Now we need, you know what, no Now we just need to get into the episode Full of various size I thought size and size and size Oh, size, pun on size

That's a good pun though, I've never seen that work before You know what I mean Welcome to Cheap Show No, no, no, no You can't say no, no, no again as we go into the credits also i have to get the last word because now you're the first word of the new theme tune fine with so i need to say this say something better though paul pip pip i'm paul gallagher welcome to the jolly old show podcast no that won't be the oh this gives me a power because you have to be

the last one to speak and And I can keep speaking. Well, then we'll never get to the fucking episode, will we? Let's not do it. Let's not fucking do it. Press the fucking credits. Off-Round, Round-Off, Off-Round, Round-Off. Organa, Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Chief Show. Off-Round-Round-Off-Off-Round-Round-Off Paul Gannon Eli Silverman

Welcome to the Jeep Show Sources and words and phrases Two things I'm responsible for Chodney Chodney Borough I hate you You've got to be rude with posse. It's the price of shite.

Welcome to Cheap Show. Will it do, though, Paul? Will it do? Does it do? Does this do? Do I do? That's my new brand of antidepressants. Will it's. Will it's antidepressant? Will it do?

That's the catchphrase. Just sorted that. What? Just the lameness of that whole bit you tried there. Woo! Will it antidepressants? Will it antidepressants? Will it do?

We need to work on this. I don't know. I mean, there'll be bite-sized chewy little pills. I like the idea of Prozac in a chewy sort of vitamin format. Cheap Show Antidepressants. Let's do that. Cheap Show Branded Antidepressants. Will it Cheap Show Branded Antidepressants? Willits. Cheap Show Branded Antidepressants.

Willits is my company. Willits is my new company. I didn't tell you about this. Willits, they make dog food. They make antidepressants and prophylactics for people with small phalluses. I'd like you to be the spokesman for one of them. Oh, my word. But which one, boys and girls?

No, but I've just incorporated a company, Paul Have you? I've just been down the patent office and I've started it off Have you? I've been in touch with Companies House about it Have you? Yes, I've started a company

Yeah? He's thinking of the name in his head and he's getting there by the most protracted sentence ever but he's getting there I haven't actually The name is just a placeholder name at the moment Right

Wanko Oh, well done, Mrman oh very no oh brilliant stuff if i may borrow your parlance whoa that's a stinky one it's the actual name of the company now is it good no it's good is there a long line of wankos that you know built this company customer with our product offering we've got a particular customer in mind. Yeah, what is that? Is it... I'm just going to go ahead and guess.

Is it something that I could fall into the bracket of? I'm trying desperately to think of things. Well, I'll give you time, Mr. Silverman, because you do need to work on this because, woo!

Is it bad stuff? Right. Tiny penis things and also smells. Smell bad. Good. No, well, wanko smell bad ointment.

Now you're getting somewhere. Yes. Micro phallus hubcaps and... You can't just slap a load of words together and say, that's my sketch, pre-C. It's worked so far for me. Yeah. Wanko's biodegradable fanny flaps. I'll give you a tour of the factory.

Oh, sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Cheap Chips. It's the economy comedy podcast where we go through the charity shops, bargain bins, and pound lands of Great Britain and bring you back the treasure we find amongst the trash.

But hey, let me just go on a little factory walk. Oh, la-di-ta. Come down here. Come down the side. Do I have to buy a ticket? No, no, no. This is the Wanco factory.

I'm the boss, so if you're with me, you're fine, okay? This is Wanco's factory. Yes. But just so everyone knows right now, this is merely a scene we're playing out as an improvised notion right now, and I will not be adding sound effects to add to the environment that we're in. Oh, look, there's a plane.

Bum-chicky-bum-bum. Boop-boop. Oh, there's a train going past loaded with all of our Wanco products. Oh, I like that. Oh, there's a wild gorilla got into the factory. Oh, he slipped over on a banana. Now he's hit a clown in the face. Oh, now he's smashing all the windows.

He's got a gun. Well, unfortunately for you, Mr. Silverman, I'm from the government here to investigate your practices. Oh, yeah? And I've heard there's been a lot of people unhappy with the working conditions here. And actually, I've just seen this. Now I have to close Wanko's down.

Oh, well. It's unhealthy. You can't have a gorilla with a gun on a train running about willy-nilly, can you? Can I bribe you with this tiny suitcase full of microphallus hubcaps? Mmm... Yeah! Yeah.

Yes. All right, there you go, mate. Get the gorillas out. And this is why we're never winning awards. So let's crack on with this week's episode of the Cheap Show podcast. And today we have two lovely segments we are gagging to put in your ears this week's episode of the cheap show podcast and today we have two lovely segments we are gagging to put in your ears this week double segment dush dush little bollock fly and once again eli's added nothing giving it i've got to do my own sound effects around here you don't you don't have to do any sound what's that noise of dush that is the one bollock

that's the one bollock release sound effect isn't it that is the name one bollock falling out that's the one bollock release sound effect isn't it does that mean like the beginning of EastEnders is just a load of bollocks

falling on a table well that's funnily you should say that because it's that's actually how the original theme tune was gone like they do

you know Dirty Dead and someone just was walking through the BBC canteen yeah and knocked over a big jar of bollocks

that happened to be there because it was a Swedish dignitary. And they were bouncy bollocks. It was a Swedish dignitary and did you know they have bollock farms out there? Yeah, they do. I've heard all about

the Swedish bollock farms, Eli. I have. You're right. And then he knocked it over and the guy was inspired. And he goes, that's given me a thing. However, on the very first day and he goes that's given me a thing however on the very first day

that's given you a thing it's given me an idea hasn't it it's inspired me however on the first day they had to do it live in the studio so like

get out my pub there was a man in the back just slapping his bollocks on a table to get it to work was he actually employed by the BBC

or just there for the laughs no he was a genuine bollock foley artist doosh doosh yeah love it on two big drums anyway that's Exploited by the BBC or just there for the laughs? No, he was a genuine bollock foley artist. Douche douche. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Big drums.

Anyway, that's what we're doing today. No, you haven't told them. We are doing two segments. What are we doing? We're doing a charity shop showcase because we have two items that we bought that are a little bit more costly than we'd usually get, but we think worthy of discussion. And we're also doing a soda pop segment. A little bit of a hybrid segment for the soda pop segment.

A bit brand off, brand off-ish. Because we're not really going to judge brands against brands. We'll mention it and explain it when we get there. But effectively, we're doing something a little bit different within the empire of the soda pop segment. It involves sodas. Yeah. Or soft drinks, as we like to call them over here.

I like sody pop. I like that as a word. I don't use it a lot, here. I like sody pop. I like that as a word. I don't use it a lot, but I do like sody pop. Sody pop's cool. Pop's cool. Isn't it funny how soft drinks, carbonated soft drinks, which we're both enjoying one of right now. I'm having a Lukey's Aid.

They're one of those things with very localised vocabulary describing them, such as, famously, bread rolls in this country. Baps. Baps, barn cake, bread rolls in this country. Baps. Baps, barn cake, balm cakes. Balm. Balm. I can think of three.

Bap, roll, bread roll. It's the same thing, isn't it? It's about the same thing, yeah. Balm cake. Cake, though. It's a balm cake, yeah. Oh, we used to call them batches. Batch.

Thank you. That's a great name. For me, batch. Do you want it on some bread or a batch? That's what we used to say, like, thank you. That's a great name. For me, Batch. Do you want it on some bread or a batch? That's what we used to say growing up. Anyhow, there's this sort of truism that you can tell where you are in the UK by how they describe small bread rolls. I think in the States, it's how you describe soda.

Is it? Yes, because in the Southern States, in America... They call it pop, right? No, they call it pop right no they call it coke no it's so dominant look it up mate i know about this so what they're saying is the generic term for anything fizzy is just any soft drink yeah i'll have a lemon coke i'll have a i'll say something like that give just pass us a coke and they'll say give me a coke out of the cooler or whatever right and they won't necessarily expect a coca-cola they in the same way you go get me a coke out of the cooler or whatever right and they won't necessarily expect a coca-cola they in the same way you go get me a soft drink and you don't know what you know that's a strange thing

for me because like it was so dominant in that part of the united states what if you want a coke you'd have i don't know i'd like to know but get us a coke no no this is a lemonade what do you want no i want a coke that's a cherry pop i want a Coke. Stop giving me elderflower fizz. Come on, man. They don't have elderflower. But yes, and there's some time and some parts

they call it soda, of course. Yeah. We're beginning to talk like old men. We're not beginning to talk like old men. We are.

I'm not old. You are middle aged. I'm fucking not. I'm a young, vital man and I will be young forever in my head. I know. I'm 45. This is and I I will be young forever in my head I know

I'm 45 this is all part of your huge psychological complex about death isn't it which you can't face you can't actually face the reality

no death I'm fine with it's old age I'm not looking forward to in fact I'd bring on death right now you know this is what I mean about this fucking You know?

This is what I mean about this fucking bad mental hygiene going down. You sigh, press the button. And then went, kill me. Yeah, you're right. Listen, let's crack on with the podcast, Mr. Silverman, because we have lots to explore today. Okay, no problem. I'm up for it now.

Don't get the last word in. I'm going to do that. You always fucking do that. I'll be like, goodbye everyone. And then you go, oh yeah, goodbye. At the end.

Or it'll be like, let's go to the next segment. Yeah, let's do that. Stop it. I'll end this segment with this sentence. I've done it. That was the sentence.

No, don't. Don't. I couldn't. No, don't. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. I can't help myself when you go do do do don't go do do do alright much better

much better it is time for a part of the show we like to call the charity shop showcase that's the segment of the show where we find something in a charity shop and maybe it's not cheap. Maybe it's a little bit more costly than we'd usually spend on a regular episode. And today we have two, I think, quite interesting items that we have found in the charity shop showcase.

So let's open up the charity shop showcase. It is the charity shop little, little showcase. It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Check it out. I'm looking shimmy and Pavarotti Jim Jami. I've got a Jim Jami army. And I've got Pavarotti. It's the Sherry Shop little, little showcase. It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Right, do you want to go first? Because yours is not as good as mine.

Well, I'm not going to bring an item to the showcase if you already tell me. You foreshadow that you're not going to... Let's explain to everyone how this segment works. Go on, then. You do it. Paul, let's explain to everyone how this segment works. Go for it. We take items, like you say,

maybe a bit more expensive than your average one or two quid thing. You may have noticed I've already explained this, but go on, Eli. No, I'm just re-covering that ground. The thing that we did 30 seconds ago. You just want to recover that because I'm going to guess you weren't listening. I was listening to you, Paul,

but it was going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah in my head. This podcast cannot go on. It can't. It can't. It has to, though. We're just sitting here on our two separate podcasts fighting for supremacy.

Why not have a separate podcast? Yeah, ain't that the fucking truth. Whoa. Yeah. Hard truth. Oh, my shoulders. You know what, Eli? They ache.

Do you know why my shoulders ache? For carrying you all these years. Oh, the ache. Well, put me down. All right. You're an ugly squat prick. Oh, again. Hey.

And that's how you do it in the army. my god stop so we present these items oh you're still gonna go ahead a bit more expensive maybe and then the other person decides whether it is a charity shop showcase and goes into our esteemed list of items or it's got no place it's got no place in that hollow no place in the showcase, so it has no face. Can't show its face around here. No place. It's a disgrace. Get out of this place.

Don't deface. And don't deface the showcase on your way out. I'll spray you with mace. Come over here, Trace. Your first item, Eli, is what? Now, okay, I'm going to say this. We mentioned this a while ago, and you said, oh, it's in Crouch End.

Go get it. Did I say Crouch End? Yeah. It was in Camden. There's a problem. No wonder I couldn't fucking find it. I go to so many charity shops. Did I say Crouch End?

Yeah, you did. Because then I spent the whole day in Crouch End, and I was messaging you going, I've been in four fucking shops, and I can't see now. Unless there have been two items in the London area recently I was wrong about it being crouching because this was in Camden

Cancer Research I believe in Camden and I saw it there is a little bit of a back story for this one I saw this and I showed I said to you described it to you via WhatsApp and said do you want it because no I didn't did I I can't remember but you did say I found this I saw, no, I didn't, did I? I can't remember, but you did say, I found this.

I saw it at the time, didn't take a photo, but thought to myself, oh, Paul would like that. And then I was somewhere else, probably Crouch End, the next day, and remembered it. And then sent me a message. And then sent you a message. And it has a little viewfinder element, because you like those, you like viewfinders, don't you?

You like little... I do, no, I do. But I thought this was going to be much different from what it actually is. I thought, when you I do. But I thought this was going to be much different from what it actually is. I thought when you explained it to me, it was some kind of retro 70s Disney piece of merch. But it's actually quite a contemporary item, comparatively speaking.

When, well, should I just go ahead and describe it? I just think you should just get it out. This is a Disney Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End, the Journey to World's End storybook with compass. Now the compass is the interesting element. Yes, it is. And at the World's End is like like what the last one of that original trilogy isn't it is that the last one that's what i wanted to ask you yeah because this isn't an original story this is the third film is it it's either adapted from the third film or whatever but i don't know i mean i presume so but uh it's a storybook you know in that style with lots of stills or yeah a simplified

version of the movie for kids to enjoy in a in a story but then it has this working compass uh working compass and picture viewer so the compass is a picture view and it has these little slides this is why i thought you'd like and do you click the slides along well so we've discovered my gone a little bit i think we should go on a little discovery because as i say i thought this was going to be like a viewfinder like you remember that um thing you got a while ago with the Mickey Mouse ears the Disneyland thing

and you click through it it's like oh there's there's the mainstream and you click one of his ears don't you to make the next slide appear I love that I love that stuff

I thought it was going to be something like that it has similarities but also it meant that when I was looking for it I didn't have that visually in my mind to look for

well you wouldn't have been able to find it you were in the wrong part of London anyway that also doesn't fucking help does it it's just in that shop at the back, around the back, in that corner. Really, I'm

here right now and I'm just seeing clothes. And anyway, I was in Camden the other day and I saw it. And you bought it. And I snapped it up. Oh, it's got the original price on it. Oh, and what did it go for originally? 15 quid. Really? Yeah. Well, that's steep. £14.99 there. I mean, it's the size of like an LP,

isn't it? It's the book. Almost exactly, yes. But the book only takes up sort of two thirds and then you've got the compass and the slides. Compass mounted and the slides are in their own little packet, which I'm getting out now. But I'm imagining you look at the thing along with the story, right? What does it say?

Well, let's get into it. It's made by Reader's Digest Children's Books. They get everywhere, Reader's Digest. Every now and then I go, oh yeah, Reader's Digest still exists as a thing. They had records. They had all sorts of stuff, didn't they? Yeah. But it was an actual magazine, was it, at some point?

It always has been. It's always been this kind of quarterly kind of thing where people submit stories or articles and it's for amateur writers to get this. Oh, is that right? I believe so. But there's Reader's Digest sort of versions of classic novels and stuff as well, isn't there?

Yeah. See, that's when I don't understand. Reader's Digest becomes this nebulous. A breached version, sort of dumbed down or sort of different versions

of stuff. A Reader's Digest dumbed down version of what? Like Wuthering Heights? Yes. Weird. They have editions, yeah. Why would you do that?

Why would you want to read that? It's a whole big industry, though. I want to read a book and I want to read Wuthering Heights, but I don't fancy digging into the real book because the Reader's Digest one is half the length.

Well, that's what a digest is, isn't it? It's a... But it's not like a... A condensed text. Yeah, but it's also not like those books you could get. You know those books you get

where it's like a guide to Hamlet and it has the play but then it holds... Cliff Notes. A Cliff Notes version. It's not Cliff Notes. It's not like that. No, it's actually a sort of simplified... Maybe they make the language but then it has Cliff Notes it's not Cliff Notes it's not like that no it's actually

sort of simplified maybe they make them the language on old books more maybe but it makes sense for kids like if you're gonna go oh here's a Lady Bird

book version of that's something we need to do on Cheap Show we haven't touched Lady Bird books you know what we'll save that conversation for when we have it

but you do get the impression that for Lady Bird books I've got a Lady Bird book version of Ghostbusters 2, right? Dumbs that story the fuck down to make put it into, what, 12 pages? But that makes sense. Why as an adult would you want to read a condensed version of War and Peace?

Because you're in sort of a Midwestern America and you don't have access to any sort of actual versions of any of these texts. But you do get the Reader's Digest version of it. It just seems weird. Yeah, because they make it accessible, don't they? They make it so you can get hold of these texts. But you do get the Reader's Digest version of it. It just seems weird. Yeah, because they make it accessible, don't they? They make it so you can get hold of this stuff. Anyway. There's something naff about Reader's Digest.

Yeah, it's got this, it reeks of like old lady, middle class old lady vibes. Yes. I mean, the packaging itself isn't great. It's fine for what it is. It's a book with a lot of bloody plastic slides and a weird plastic compass. Because that's the thing.

The viewfinder in this instance is like a plastic compass. It's a gold, fake gold compass. Similar to the one I think that features in the film that Jack Sparrow uses to... Ah, it must be, yeah.

So there's that sort of holistic thing. They've thought about the product, you know. Yeah. So we have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Nine slides with four images each. Four images each, and they're shaped like doubloons. Oh, clever. That's a nice touch. Do you see what I mean? That's a nice touch. That's what I mean.

The theming is quite sort of thoughtful, but the actual finish is very cheap-looking. Yeah, no, I would go with that. I would say the gimmick is the compass and the slides, and the book's like, here's an excuse to have it. Oh, you know what? I've kind of broken it, because it's got a clasp. I think that goes on your belt or something. You can put it on your belt. Yeah. In case you need to, like, when's an excuse to have it. Oh, you know what? I've kind of broken it because it's got a clasp. I think that goes on your belt

or something. You can put it on your belt in case you need to be like, when you're going to the shops, you need to look at some images. No, that's really handy though because yesterday I was going to like Morrison's

and I thought, oh, I want to read Character of the Caribbean book. Oh, shit. And I didn't have any cookies with me. Well, you've got it portable with this.

You've got it portable. If you want to look at images of like Johnny Depp or something, it's like, oh, I can't oh I can't I can't I don't know the plot and then click oh

yeah can I have a look while you're putting a slide have a look at the book there I'm handing him that I'm gonna put a slide in here Captain Jack Sparrow's back for another adventure blah

blah blah blah blah Phil with action-packed movie photos the book also features a working compass that doubles as a viewer to use with the ten accompanying picture discs. Ten?

Was there one already in it? No. Well, that makes no sense then because... There are ten. Okay. So you just can't count. I can't count objects. Readers insert the discs into the compass viewer

and see 40 swashbuckling scenes from the movie. The greatest pirate adventure of them all is back in full swing and the book puts the readers right in the middle of the action. How do get it to rotate is there anything about rotating the slide coins in the it doesn't say anything uh no i'm gone let's look at the thing so uh using the picture viewer to use the compass viewer close the compass you've done that done that take out the picture disc included with the book when disc one is indicated in the book find the disc with

that number on it and it says into the slot so okay yeah yeah yeah you go oh it's like turn the page dingly dingly dingly it's like those ones where you've got

an EP a little single there's like disc three and then a bunch of numbers with the number of slides in the text okay so it goes along disc four

so yeah you do that's a little toy toy element to it then it's a bit awkward though to go Jack Sparrow there went onto the boat and took out his cutlass slide four hold it to your eye look click it's like just put a fucking photograph

turn the disc to the right with your finger as you read through the story and that action isn't very good the numbers next to the text correspond to the numbers on the images seen in the picture viewer when disc two is indicated in the book take out the first disc put the second one in repeat the process until you get to disc 10. When using the compass as a picture viewer, go to a brightly lit room or a window. Hold the viewer up to the light and look for the eyepiece to see the pictures.

When using this as a picture viewer, do not look directly into the sun. No, always good. There's McKenzie Crook. There's the octopus face guy. Yeah, that's Bill Nighy. I think that's Davy Jones, isn't it? That's Davy Jones himself.

Why does he have a face that's an octopus then? Did an octopus try and do him? No, it's because when you get cursed as a pirate in these films... Your face turns into an octopus. Well, he does.

But the other one just becomes a skeleton crew, doesn't it, and stuff. And everyone has their own secret... I don't know. I watched the first one, liked it,

and then saw the length of the other two and went, don't give a fuck about that. And this is the third. And there's five of them, isn't there? Wow. Oh, it's a face. It's all right.

This is fine as it is. It's a nice little thing. The problem is, it's like, you have to be really, really into Pirates of the Caribbean to get anything out of this. Yes. And also, I don't like this whole read the book, look. Read the bit.

Yeah, but kids would like that, wouldn't they? Maybe. What I think is wrong with this yes i agree it's quite it's quite a nice little viewfinder little device toy thing yeah but it's the way it's packaged there's nothing to store it yeah it's all sort of glued kind of crudely to the front of this piece of cardboard you know the the presentation of it and how you can store it it would just fall apart you know it's the finish i don't like the presentation of the finish of the whole product it's what i'm saying there's a flag and then there's captain babosa or something and then there's keely knightley wherever his name is and then there's johnny depp looking like you know like he thinks he's an acting genius and

maybe in the 90s you could push for that argument. But now I think he's a fat necked twat whose dick has gotten old. There you go. Come at me, Johnny Depp. I'll fucking punch you right in the gooch. Would you? Yeah. You and Depp. Yeah.

Perhaps we should do that. Have a fight. Yeah, do an internet fight. Oh, that's a good idea. Do you reckon I could beat him up? Yeah. You think? You need to go train a bit.

Yeah. And he'd get the best trainers, wouldn't he? Yeah, he would. But then I'd be like, no, because it would be like Rocky IV. You'd see him with his super tech training. And I'd be out in the snow and pushing logs. You know what I mean? To be fair, mate, that thought I just did,

I think I might have been pushing a log. It rides itself, this stuff. But you know what I mean? You know, like he's pushing logs. Yeah, I know what you mean. How's Rocky? Yeah, he's out in the woods pushing logs. Don't eat the yellow snows.

Anyway, but you know what I mean? He'd be there, beep, boop, beep, tech, and I'm out there punching like meat again. Pushing logs and punching meat. The Paul Gannon story. The most ridiculous thing about that film, Rocky IV, is when his own trainers start cheering on Rocky. Oh, the Russian guys, yeah.

No, it's good. Rocky IV solves the Cold War. It's one of the most 80s films of all time, isn't it? Apparently so, yeah. You're not actually going to fight Johnny Depp, okay? So get out of that mindset, yeah. Which celebrity do you think you could fight? What do you mean?

If you could pick anyone from Hollywood to have a fist fight for charity for a bit of laugh, who do you think you'd have a good chance against? And don't say,

I don't know, Michael Caine because he's old. Michael Caine. Yeah, but you don't want to be in a ring punching an old man to death

to raise money for... I don't want to have a fight. Well, who are you saying I should fight? I don't know. I don't know. You'd have to fight someone of your school. I don't want to fight. fight. Who are you saying I should fight? I don't know. You'd have to fight someone of yours.

I'll tell you who I don't want to fight. What? Brad Pitt. Why? He looks like he could actually handle himself. Yeah, but I'm not going to pick Brad Pitt for you, am I? Who are you going to pick then? Me and DeVito.

Danny DeVito. You and DeVito. Come on, the size works. Jeanette Cranky could work as well. I'm not getting into this with you. This is just an opportunity for you to fucking it'd be close but maybe maybe nookie bear could take you on you know maybe i don't know shut up maybe we need to have like a death match of 1980s light entertainment puppets

you know lord charles nookie bear orville cuddlesdles That's what is so fascinating Fucking In the late 70s They were toys Weren't they? Ventriloquist puppets It was a big craze Yeah

Creepy shit Anyway Is it a showcase Or no place Because this is 20 minutes And I didn't expect that And that's fucking No

The Pirates of the Caribbean Is a no place for me It's a no place for me But it's cute enough and I think serves its purpose well for kids, really. Fine. I would like to see it

in a more elegant presentation. You know, I think it could sell itself a lot better. You could have made it like it was a thick old book and had the compass slipped inside and still had pages. You know, there's no thought

being given to the actual presentation. But then that's probably costly, so maybe this is the most cost-effective way. Also, the doubloon slides, you could have a little Hessian bag or something. It's the presentation that really lets it down. Well, Reader's Digest, you've shat the bed with this one, but keep on trying, you plucky little go-getters.

The completest only, I think. I think so too. So there you go. No place but hay. After this little sound effect, it's time for me to whip out mine. Can I please fucking say something? No. See you after the sound effect, everybody.

I'm cutting that out. Oh, fuck you. It is the charity shop, little, little showcase. It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Right, item number two is something I literally just got not a few hours ago as I was heading in.

Popped into North London Hospice, one of our favourite places to investigate for bits and bobs. They have a lot of stuff in there that's really good, all over this part of London. North London. So I popped by because I hadn't been to that particular one up by Wood Green for a while. That's a particularly good one. Yeah, but it's a bit out of the way you know what i mean so you kind of have

to make an effort to go there locally so because i just got off one stop later popped in and i saw they had a stack of annuals at the front but half of them were kind of uh covered up by the one on top of it so i couldn't quite see the whole stack so i went and said that's an interesting pile can i have a look was it in the window Yeah. So the first one was like a Knight Rider book. Not an annual. No, it was a storybook. It was kind of like a thin storybook. There was a Starsky and Hutch annual there as well.

But this one also was the most expensive. The other one was like two, three, four quid. This one was a tenner. I don't know why. Why? Probably because, oh, they looked online and saw something going for that price even if it never been sold for that price or i don't know i've never seen this in a while and i also didn't know he did many of these if any more than this but this is

the kenny everett video show annual 1981 based on the quote-unquote zany chart topping tv series from thames TV. How is it chart-topping? They didn't have TV charts. We talked about Kenny Everett numerous times on the show in the past. Especially when we talked about that record he brought out with the worst songs. The worst songs of all time, or what have you. So this annual is kind of confusing to me, because I don't know who the audience is. Like, you look at it, and to a glance, I mean, there are pictures of all this stuff on our website, thecheapest.co.uk.

Annuals are for children. They are. But this one, it's kind of like trying to be Viz, but it pulls every single punch it has. But at the same time, it's also not suitable for kids, based on a few of the articles and turns of phrases in it. Please, expand. So, Kenny Everett had a TV show, sketch show, you know, probably dated quite badly overall. The video show. Yeah, the know, probably dated quite badly overall. The video show. Yeah, the video show is dated quite badly.

It was in the sweet spot of when I was at school and it was a huge deal. Kids loved it. Oh, yeah. But they loved it because of the naughty aspect of it. Yeah. And, you know, he cross-dressed in a lot of the characters, didn't he? And Cleo Rocco was always bouncing around with their boobs and stuff like that. Everyone loved that. Yeah. The kids loved that stuff at the time. Written by Barry Cryer, some of the characters, didn't he? And Cleo Rocco was always bouncing around with their boobs and stuff like that. Everyone loved that. Yeah.

The kids loved that stuff at the time. Written by Barry Cryer, some of the sketches. You know, it's like it had some pedigree to the show. It's just, it's one of those shows you look back on now and think, oh, God bless you. You couldn't get away with that now. You couldn't get away with any of it now.

But it just goes to show that comedy is the most quickly dated of all genres. People listening to this podcast in 2040 can attest to. So it's got an interesting mix. Like, it's got comic strips of Captain Kremen. I've seen that before. That's his alter ego superhero character. That came from his radio series, yeah.

But I believe there was animated segments in the TV one. But anyway, the way it breaks itself down is, like, it feels very kid-friendly. Like, the comic strip with Captain Kremen has nothing in it that suggests it would turn an adult's attention. You it's just like oh that's a cute story about captain cremin on an adventure and then you've got like a bit where you can cut out like cuts and bruises and stitches from the manual and stick it on your skin okay which is again something a joke shop sort of yeah which is again to kids like to young 10 9 or 12 year old something like that it's very

boyish though isn't it in a way as well. Yeah. And then you've got a page here. I mean, here's the other question as well. It doesn't tell you who wrote this, but I don't know if Kenny Everett touched a single page of this. It might have done. I don't know.

Very strange. It doesn't tell you if Barry Cryer wrote it. It doesn't tell you if there's any other writers from the TV show who contributed to it. It literally says nothing other than it was published in Stafford Pembershire Publishing. So did his TV show, did that have a whole team of writers? Yeah.

And it was on the ITV? Yeah, Thames TV, wasn't it? For instance, I'll give you this page. There's a gag where Kenny Everett's gone, I've come up with a show which is kind of like Call My Bluff, but I've called it You Lying Git. Ooh, Git. Yeah, well, that's what I'm thinking.

It's like that's the first part of the book where you go, I don't know if a 10-year-old's going to get that. But then it breaks down the panelists of this game show. And like, one of them, Wally. Wally's team is joined by Lily Lamont, an artistic dancer who adores animals. Lily has plenty of male friends and is very popular in places with dim lights where no one minds if you've got a paper bag over your head. Lily cares very deeply about this and the other.

And although she doesn't claim to be an expert, she knows what she likes and doesn't mind losing a few hours to tell you all about it. Odd breakdown of a character. And there's another one. Our first team captain

is Ronnie Traj, a bus driver suspended on full pay until the inquiry. Ronnie likes drinking, eating, smoking and making his views known in a loud voice

and drooling over naked women. Ron is an excellent conversationist whose claim i never speak unless i'm right has enlivened many a sparkling debate brexit gammon it does sound like early it's i mean this sounds like a man on twitter so like a yeah this is like they is like the market doesn't exist almost so they're trying to they're trying to spread his appeal across the widest demographic do you see what i mean yeah again it jumped out the sort of incongruence with the sort of childish stuff and the more adult themed stuff that's the thing kenny everett love him or hate him i mean i love him a lot of this he was very very childish it was almost

like first funny idea wins to come through. Which is kind of rude. Well, yeah. As well. I mean, that's why I liked it because it was all a bit rude with like Cupid stunt and Sid Snott

and all those characters. I didn't even know the word cunt then. No, well that's why he got away with it. It's funny he uses git as well. Yeah. Isn't that such a dated

insult? Would you call someone a git these days? I do every now and then. Like you jammy git or whatever whatever you're only in that context jammy git when you want to speak like a guy in the 70s pub then you say git but it's like pillock it's these these insults that you don't use anymore so kenny everett thing you look at on a shelf it looks like something for kids because it's got a drawing on the front of captain cremin blah blah blah here's the first advert in their fake advert right thing electronic suicide kit

go out in style with our electronic suicide kit the miracle of the microchip has enabled us to incorporate all known forms of self-destruction

into one electronic suicide kit thrilled to the computer controlled Russian roulette with our new kit you can play anywhere either on the bus

or in the comfort of your own home only 799 qu. It's a weird thing to put in. Coconut tyrants. All the world's tyrants are included in this monster-sized box of delicious, mouth-watering coconut sweets. They're so lifelike

you can almost hear them ranting and raving as you pop them in your mouth. Ideal for parties. What can we think of then? I'm just trying to think of dictator sweets puns. Pulp pots. This is why we need to write gags like this, mate, because we can't do them on the fly. Hitler lolly.

Hitler lolly, mate, come on. You have to start somewhere bad to get to somewhere good, Paul. Yeah, I know. I don't think we're going to go anywhere up from fucking Hitler lollies. Mussolini. Great. No, no.

This is the art of making comedy, isn't it? It's just throwing shit at the wall, seeing where it sticks. Something bounty. All right, drop that. Let's just get out of here, can't we? Oh, I let off a little there. Did you? Look, we're i let off a little there did you look we're looking we're we're searching for content here perhaps i've got another thing i'll just have this one

observation for you perhaps the price is to do with the condition because we are both looking at it now and it's in great condition new almost brand new let's not forget 81 was 42 years ago. Yeah, I know, right? This is almost as old as me, this book. And it's looking good for it. Yeah. And the same can't be said for you. Something. Yeah, something like that.

I'm really being bad this week, so... Mate. Oh, splabbage. Mate, mate. What? Stalin snacks. At close, it's getting there. You know what I mean? I'm just going to throw it in

and then I'm going to drop him in and it'll rot the rest of the show. Right, there's a section here. Kill me. There's a segment here called The Real Me where they do an interview, apparently, with Kenny Everett. However, it's just the writing and this is odd scholastic investigators in search of the elusive everett

persona have come up with several sharp observations ranging from a kaleidoscope mirror of a man's deepest fears through to you mean that fella that dropped the hair at the dog track to he wants his lips stapling to the back of his head but who is the real me the private person behind the public star we decided to compute the questions who asked about me and then answer them to let you see very strangely written and it i feel like he did you know he's very much someone who wants to control every aspect of his output though because it's so it's like his material is so idiosyncratic to him as a character that everything blossoms from that character, to that persona outwards, doesn't it?

But that sort of relates to that interview a bit. I think, I feel like he probably wrote this. What was your first job? Walking in front of Dean Martin with a red flag. What is the most unusual thing that ever happened to you? I broke both legs in a raffle. Yeah, he's trying to be funny. And then there's a whole thing,

Auntie Carla tells you how to keep a man, but there's like big tits and they make sure the nipples are pronounced. Oh, how strange. And I don't know what that is. Can I have a little look at it? Yeah, I'll just read this one last little bit. Okay, sure.

Which is more adverts, where it's like, are you mad? There's only one way to find out, our brand new sanity testing kit. If you think that you're a few bricks short of a road, blow hard into our sanity testing kit and then check our reading on the crystals and our expert chart analysis only one million pounds

dog repellent suit electronic pizza slow coach cooker limited edition pub signs of the world china turnips i don't understand it's very much his world of uh of strange stuff it sounds when you read that stuff out i can almost hear his you know, doing his funny shtick. Internal deodorant. Bad smells start inside the body. If you want to get right to the heart of the problem, get our new Nifco internal deodorant kit, consisting of one jar of Nifco deodorant cream and a wire brush with a long, flexible handle. See, that's not for kids.

Our kit means you can forget about body odour, only £450. And that's it in a nutshell. There's so much in there. It's comic strips, it's stories, there's little kind of adventure stories, and there's like an Ask a Doctor section. It's a curio.

Naughty bits. They were the sexy girls in the show, weren't they? Oh, there's like a centrefold for naughty bits. It's exactly a centrefold, with all these girls in fishnets. I mean, that's not for children. I can see her chuff knee. You can see...

I can't actually, you know, I can see where her... You can see most of the camel's mouth, yes. I can see the camel area. But, Eli... Is it all right if I borrow this? Mate, if you're going to borrow it, I'm just going to go ahead and let you fucking keep it. No, I just want to have a little minute with it now.

No, no, no, no, no. But you know what I don't want, Eli? You know, if you take it, you know what I don't want? I don't spunk onto the book. I just don't have a little minute with it now. No, no, no, no, no. But you know what? I don't want, Eli. You know, if you take it, you know what I don't want? I don't spunk onto the book. I just don't want it back. Yeah, but your hands are going to be touching it and your hands will have seed upon them.

They will. And then there'll be fingerprints of spoff all over that book. I mean, to be fair, I might need to put a blacklight over that right now and just check if there's not like a 14-year-old grumble all over it. There isn't.

Well, they've cleaned it up well because it's in very good condition. There is some kind of stain on the back. They do have internal deodorant, don't they? You can have those pills in Japan that make your poo smell of roses. That's not a deodorant though

if it's just making your poo come out nice. What else would you need an internal deodorant for? You don't need an internal deodorant because there's no such thing. It was a joke. That's the point. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

There is such a thing. Those pills you get in Japan that make your poo smell of roses. Well, in that case, next week on Jeepio, we're ordering those pills. I would love to, man. Actually, didn't we talk about doing that years ago? We should so do that. Ladies and gentlemen.

That's an off-brand brand-off for you. All right, so we're going to crack two turds out, and you have to guess which one's normal poo and which one's the rose-flavoured one. I would actually do that. On the nose, it's a bit harsh, I can't tell you I would actually do that. On the nose. It's a bit harsh. I can't take it.

It's a bit fake on the nose. Paul, the only other comment I wanted to make is it's weird. Whole thing with those, both those ads demonstrated a, let's just say a sort of irresponsible attitude towards mental health issues. Oh yeah.

You wouldn't get now. The suicide device. Yeah. And what was the other one? Very cavalier. So wouldn't get it now. Off- device. Yeah, yeah. And what was the other one? It's very cavalier. So, wouldn't get it now. Off-brand. Not off-brand, not off-brand.

I've got confused. Is it a showcase or does it have no place? For me, this is an absolute smack dab showcase. It is. It's a showcase. It's going on the hallowed shelf. Very nostalgic for me. It's got the original Thames logo on the cover there.

Yeah, I like that. The artwork. It's nice. It's got a lovely vibe, the artwork. I just wish I knew more about it. Like, did Kenny Everett write any of it? I don't know.

It infers at times that he did, but it could just be, you know, ghostwritten nonsense. Yeah, maybe they're trying to be in his style, sort of. But I think maybe they only did it for a very short time

because of that weird incongruousness of the market. It might have just only had the one. Annuals of the kids, yeah. Might have just the one. Well, maybe we could find that out and come back on that. But definitely putting it in the showcase,

it won't be, it has a place in the showcase. I'm just going to slip it into the showcase hole now. It's in, it's in, it's in its nice case and it's in there with all the other items. And I'll be returning the, I'm going to sort of do a little touch up and reattach. I'm going to glue the holster for the compass back on and then I'm going to sort of do a little touch up and reattach I'm going to glue the holster back on

the compass back on and then I'm going to return it put it back into the charity shop infrastructure put it back into

the charity shop infrastructure all we've got time for on charity shop showcase but hey stick around because we're going to our soda pop town next on the

ding ding cheap show bus next stop so be there why is it always the fucking bus ding ding come on do you want to get on the bus Ding Cheap Show Bus. Next stop. Not the bus. Why is it always the fucking bus? Come on, Gough. Do you want to get on the bus? That's not a bus.

Do you want to get on the Cheap Show Bus? Ding Ding. Ding Ding. Next stop. I know. I don't want to get on this bus. I ordered an Uber. What are you doing here with this bus?

It's cheaper and it's better for the economy. Ding Ding. Press the button. I know. I got... Ding Ding. No. Just going Ding Ding. I've got to do something, mate. Che the button. I know. I got... Ding, ding. No. Just going ding, ding.

I've got to do something, mate. Cheap show bus ding, ding. We've taken a quick sabbatical, but now we're back with a segment of the show that we are calling the Soda Pop Challenge. Back from a brief sabbatical. I just said this. Why?

Back from a little sabbatical, everyone. Why have you got nothing why do you consistently i do not got nothing all right you do got nothing all the time something welks and other sea creatures do you think they're like having a good time down there let's just make this quick poll no fucking about straight to it cut to welks how about welks poll i've got facts just do introduction. I've got stuff to say. Right. So we're doing a thing, a soda pop challenge. We were given a selection of stuff by Tom from Channel 84.

We've got a load of stuff for us to get through. But I thought we'd pick this thing out and do something a little bit different. He gave us a range of Dr. Pepper drinks, right? And each one's a different take on it. It's not just Dr. Pepper. There's a flavor attached to it as well. That's what they've been doing, Paul. It's what they've been doing It's not just Dr. Pepper. There's a flavor attached to it as well. That's what they've been doing, Paul. It's what they've been doing.

So I thought... The doctors at Dr. Pepper. The scientists at the Dr. Pepper labs. Imagine you were called Dr. Pepper, Professor Pepper, and you worked at Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Dr. Pepper and Dr. Pepper.

Imagine there was an actual guy called Dr. Pepper. There probably is somewhere in the world. The odds are good, aren't they, there's a Dr. Pepper in existence. No, there's lots of... There's probably thousands of Dr Peppers. Yeah.

I'd say about 700 worldwide. Here's the thing. In a job interview, what makes you think you're a good doctor? Hey, what's the worst that can happen? A wink-a-do-wink.

Several of your patients could die and you could be executed for murder. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. Amongst the worst things, I just wanted to say... Yeah.

I learnt recently that Dr Pepper, because of several lawsuits, people trying to fuck them over. Are they misunderstood? Namely Coke and Pepsi. They proved in court

that they were not, or established in court that they're not a cola. It's like that Jaffa Cake test thing or something. Yeah, sort of. And you know what they're known as?

A pepper style drink. A pepper style drink? Yes, because Mr Peer, know what they're known as? A pepper-style drink. A pepper-style drink. Yes, because Mr. Peer, I believe, is a pepper-style drink. It's what PepsiCo or Coke did. As a challenge to Dr. Pepper's crown. I think Dr. Pepper said you can't call it doctor or something. Okay. They had a Dr. Coke or something.

So there's probably like a drink out there called Professor Salt's Fizzy Wonder or something, you know? I could have done better with that guy, to be honest. So there's probably a drink out there called Professor Salt's Fizzy Wonder or something. I could have done better with that gag, let's be honest. We're on our feet. We're just dancing around. We're trying to make sexual comedy music. Call it Surgeon Chili. Hello, I'm Surgeon Chili.

Grand Surgeon Chili. Yeah. What about... No. You know what? We're not doing well today on that, so let's just put a pin in that. I've got nothing. No, but really in a real

in a real deep down way Eli Paul Adolf Biscuits Adolf Biscuits it's simple but it works doesn't it Adolf Biscuits

no that's so you don't say that just calling back to before wasn't I when oh Adolf Biscuits yeah the biscuits

what was it meant to be was it meant to be confectionaries with... It was like chocolates based on tyrants. Yeah. Adolf Biscuits. Gaddafi Taffy. Oh, why weren't you there? No, I am.

High five. You did it. I did it, boys and girls. We couldn't... Neither of us. We'll see you next week on Cheap Show. Get out, get out, get out. Gaddafi Taffy.

Whoa, good. I knew there was one in there, a gem, you know? And you've uncovered get out, get out. Gaddafi, taffy. Whoa, good. I knew there was one in there, a gem, you know? And you've uncovered it, Paul. I got Gaddafi. I got Gaddafi, taffy. Ooh, Gaddafi. That was that. I got Gaddafi, taffy.

Ooh, Gaddafi. Ringtone rap version. Yeah, very good. I got Gaddafi. Gaddafi, taffy. Right, we've got to get this quick. This episode's already too fucking long we've got four different variations of dr pepper and the challenge eli has blindfolded today is i'm going to give him

a taste of each one and he just has to tell me if he thinks it's the cream soda the vanilla float the strawberries and cream or the cherry vanilla flavor edition of that drink four versions of the pepper paul i feel i need to come clean about a certain fact now relating to this test please ejaculate with clarity um all but one of these are somewhat familiar to my palate but that's fine the challenge here is to say yeah that one's cream soda yeah that one's because look cherry vanilla and vanilla float what's going to be the difference there do you think what what the vanilla profile? Yeah, but as a flavour profile, float is vanilla ice cream,

though. Exactly. Yeah, weird. So you see what I'm saying? What is the difference between vanilla float with a Dr Pepper flavour and then the cherry vanilla,

which will still have that cream soda kind of thing? It's the cherry that's the difference, isn't it? And then you've got cream soda. So vanilla, cream soda, there's a homogenous kind of gloop of flavour.

Yes. They're very much sort of strawberries and cream. There's all there's a homogenous kind of gloop of yeah yes they very much um sort of strawberries and cream there's a cream there's a dash of cream there so there's a lot going on i've enjoyed the strawberry and cream one you have already the only one i haven't actually two tell a lie okay i haven't had their cream soda i'm not a lover of cream soda i prefer a um it depends what mood i'm in a champagne cola oh yeah yeah i would yeah similar category but i think i prefer champagne coke a cola in the sky um and then what the cherry vanilla cherry i haven't tasted uh just for the record we were going to add in for a bit of a wild card a wild cherry pepsi which uh but you know what it's bullshit if i was going to buy pepsi just i would buy the Max Cherry

yeah I don't know which I love that's a cool thing I don't understand the love of that it's a vile fucking concoction no and Nick Helm was like

going some way to like propping that lie up I know he's not listening so fuck Nick Helm with his fucking Cherry Max Pepsi fucking agenda

I'm sorry I didn't I didn't know he was into it before I just liked it his Instagram's fucking nothing but shells I understand that't know he was into it before. I just liked it. Because Instagram's fucking nothing but shells of the stuff. I understand that now, but I got into it before it was cool.

I just want to say that. Uncle Money didn't get him a fucking Pepsi deal, did he? No, you know why I got into it? Because of Beard Meets Food on YouTube. Oh, yeah, that guy. He professed a liking for it, and I thought, I'll try it, because I'm trying to drink less sugary drinks.

Basically, what I've noticed is you, Helm, and that guy all have something in common. You like Pepsi, Max, Cherry. And what's the thing that also unites you? You fucking all-bearded idiots. So there you go. Ooh, okay. I'll fucking take you all on.

This was meant to be... Fucking put you in a ring with me and Johnny Depp. And why were you even fighting? I'm going to have a fucking chin Jimmy Cranky at the same time. Leave Jimmy Cranky. Snap Nookie Bear's head off and piss in its mouth. You leave Jimmy Cranky at the same time. Leave Jimmy Cranky. Snap Nookie Bear's head off and piss in its mouth. You leave Jimmy Cranky to me, right?

This is personal for me. Fucking you leave Jimmy Cranky to me. Oh, fantastic. Right. So, we're going to take a quick break. Now, I'm going to pour out the four tins into four separate glasses.

And I will be putting my blindfold on and I will have no idea which of the drinks he'll be taking into his mouth. I'll give him a glass of water to wash out. Remind me of them again, because they all homogenised into one glop in my brainstem. Well, we can go through it again, but we're going to do cream soda, vanilla float, strawberries and cream, and a cherry vanilla edition of the Dr Pepper branded soft drink. Right, and once again, once again on all of those, please?

No, we're going to do it again, one by one, anyway. So don't worry about it. All right? The strawberry one. The strawberry and cream, vanilla cherry, vanilla float, or cream soda.

All right? Now it's time for the challenge to begin. Eli will don it and I will dispense it and we'll come back to you in a little moment. Oh, hark,

before I hear a sound effect. Right, Eli has now bound his eyes with a scarf. He cannot see anything, can you? No. Like he could not see me giving him the bird just then. Well, no, it just goes to prove it, doesn't it? Oh, no, no. Sorry. What?

Not doing it. All right. I can't carry on. All right, no. Sorry. What? Not doing it. All right. I can't carry on. All right, bye. This is the best news I've heard all day. Go on. Sod off, troglodyte. Sod off, troglodyte.

Yeah, go on. That's my autobiography. Eli Silver, sod off, troglodyte. Anyway, just fucking do it. Right, so I have... Is my mouth in the right place, though, in terms of the mic? Don't you worry.

You stay where you are. Okay. I will adjust and amend if need be in the edit. I will hand you the drinks and I'll hand you the water between the two, all right? So...

Sure. We'll take our time with it. No rush, but I'll tighten it in the edit, all right? Don't you worry, Daddy-O. Okay. So, we have four drinks. I've written them down in the order that they're going to come in.

Each glass is next to the tin so I can keep a track of which one he's got. And all I'm going to need Eli to do is taste each drink, give me his thoughts, and then if he wants to commit right there and then, or we can go back at the end, all right? I think there might be some going back and forth a bit. No worries.

Because you think one's a vanilla float and one's a cream soda. I can't even conceive of what's the difference there. Well, here's your first, all right? So I'm lost. I'm always doubtful going into these difference there. Well, here's your first, all right? So I'm lost. Always doubtful going into these taste tests. Are you ready for your first? I am ready for my first, Paul. Yes, thank you.

Can you put your right hand out to the side? No, right out to the side, like you're sitting in the bus. Yeah, cool. Now put the glass in your hand that way. He has glass number one. Ooh, very Play-Doh-y. Oh, he's doing the nose. I didn't think that.

It just tastes like, it smells just like Dr. Pepper. I'm not getting anything else there. Oh, God, this is going to be impossible. This could be quite hard, actually. But this is the first one you're drinking now. That just tastes like Dr. Pepper to me. You don't have to commit to anything right now. We can put a pin in it, right?

And you can come back to it, all right? Do you want a bit of water? Yes. Right, there you go. You know what we should have done? And actually, on reflection, I regret we didn't. Which is what? Just get a Dr Pepper in, a blank one.

Yeah. Just so, as a base flavour, you could start from there and then maybe, knowing it was the Dr Pepper baseline, start from there as a signifier. It probably would have made it a bit easier for me, but that could be the vanilla float. Okay. It had a very Play-Doh-y sort of flavour. Yeah. Right. Drink number two.

Okay, here's two. Number two. Well. Any more on the nose there? Very similar on the nose, man. Mmm. What notes? What notes, darling, are you getting? I'm getting vanilla where there wasn't on that first one. Okay, so at least that stands out. Yeah. So I'm just going to remind you of all the drinks

so you can attack. Oh, that's like a cream soda. Just so you know, I'm just going to remind you of all the drinks. Oh, that's like a cream soda. Just so you know, I'm just going to give you one more time the flavour titles so that will help you make a decision, right? Yeah. So I'm going to do this out of order of what I've given you so far, so don't worry about that. So you've got strawberries and cream, cream soda, vanilla float, strawberry. No, sorry.

Cherry vanilla. Yeah, there we go. Vanilla float and cherry vanilla. So if you've got a vanilla note there, you know it's probably down to two at least or I don't know there is a strawberry in cream but I'm guessing

no strawberry notes there as far as you can tell at this stage again only I know the answers I think that's the cream soda okay you don't have

to commit give me the glass there's one that's just a vanilla there is vanilla float cherry vanilla it's the vanilla float or the cream soda

okay I'm going to make a quick note of the one you said for that second one so you said that's either what cream soda or vanilla float or the cream soda too. Okay. I'm going to make a quick note of the one you said for that second one. So you said that's either what? Cream soda? Or vanilla float. I'll just make a note of that just so if we go back to it,

we can remember what you said. Right. Number three. Oh, this is the strawberries. Yeah. It's got that almost, what were they? Polly Puppets. Polly Pockets.

Polly Puppets. No, Strawberry Sunday. The little toy. Oh, Strawberry Shortcake. Yeah? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know what the little toy. Oh, Strawberry Shortcake. Yeah? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know what you're saying.

It's got that recognisable fake strawberry smell. Fake strawberry. I'm going to have a sip now. This is drink number three, just to reiterate. It's the sweetest so far as well, on the front. I've tasted this and I will at least agree with you on that. It is the sweetest. It is, isn't it?

Yeah. Not bad though, not in a horrible way, not in an off-putting way. That's definitely the strawberry one. Do you want me to lock that one in then? Which I've had before, so perhaps it's recognition as well. Not in a horrible way. Not in an off-putting way. That's definitely the strawberry one. Do you want me to lock that one in then? Which I've had before so perhaps it's recognition as well. Strawberry and cream please lock that in.

Alright. You know what? That's not a bad place to start because if that's a confident one then it'll help you maybe figure out the other three. Yeah. Right.

Bring it forward. I can return. Can I have another taste of one or two of these if I wish? Yeah. Yeah. The fourth and final drink

is coming into Eli's hand now. He's put his hand out for the cheap show bus. Ding, ding. There we go. Caught the bus. Oh, dearie me. Right, what are you thinking of this? You just had a snuff.

Again, we're back to neutral Dr Pepper smell. There's a very slight... Oh, excuse me. I heard that. A very slight astringency. A stringency. At the very back, which is like a sour cherry sort of thing. And is it wild?

That was the Pepsi, remember? So that's a different thing altogether. Oh, God. You had... I'll just go through them again. It's not any kind of cherry. It just says cherry. No, remember you had strawberries and cream, vanilla float, cream soda, and cherry vanilla.

Let's ignore the strawberries one because we're confident that you got it right. I think this is the cherry. You think this is cherry vanilla? Yeah. Okay. Right. So you're at the end of all four drinks the cherry. You think this is cherry vanilla? Yeah. Okay. Right, so you're at the end of all four drinks now. I think the first one

is the vanilla float. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you think one is vanilla float. And I think number two is cream soda and the number three strawberries and cream

and number four cherry. Cherry vanilla. This has definitely got a sort of a cherry cola vibe. Now, do you want to drink any of them again?

Let's just have the first one again, please. Just number one again. This is the first one again. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So what are you saying with that one? I'm getting much more vanilla. So that basically gives you a vanilla float or the cherry vanilla. Now, that's the cherry.

Wait, so which one? Is it vanilla float or cherry vanilla that you want to say this one is? This is the cherry. Cherry vanilla? Yeah. It's not cream soda. It's not vanilla float. You think this first one is cherry vanilla that you want to say this one is this is the cherry cherry vanilla yeah it's not cream soda it's not vanilla float you think this first one is cherry vanilla yeah i just want you to be confident so when i write this down you don't complain that i fucked you up or anything you know what i mean yeah i think that is cherry vanilla all right okay so that's so i can lock

this one in yeah so i can lock in one and three locked in strawberries and cream which is number three and number one cherry vanilla and i think the fourth one is number three, and number one, chai vanilla. And I think the fourth one is the vanilla float, and I think the second one is the cream soda. Yeah. That's it. I'm taking my blindfold off.

Yeah? Difficult. They're very close, these. Okay. I think you'd have to agree. You can take your blindfold off and get close to the mic now if you want.

Yeah. Very close, aren't they? I tasted them along with you. Yeah. And I'll be honest, two of them I couldn't tell apart, and I knew what I was fucking drinking. Yeah, that's what I mean. There you go. So it's one of the toughest. It's a tough Yeah. And I'll be honest, two of them I couldn't tell apart. And I knew what I was fucking drinking. Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's one of the toughest. It's a tough one. And, you know, the first one was transformed into a cherry flavour by the time I'd finished. Do you know what I mean? It was weird. It was so contextual. That kind of rosiness, that kind of perfumey rosiness that comes out with cherry. I thought I was getting it from the number four, a sort of astringency, a sort of, you know,

sour cherry sort of note. Anyway, I think I got the, I think I got the, at least one right. Well, would you like to know what the actual results are? I'm desperate for both the results and the results, Paul. Well, join us next week where we will reveal the thrilling conclusions

of this pointless exercise. Clifton Notes. Here we go. I'll reveal the answers. Drink number one. You said was cherry vanilla. Yes? Yes. Why that one, do you think? Just because the vanilla was prominent, the cherry was

more prominent? The cherries. They all taste of fucking vanilla, don't they? Yeah, a little bit. There was a little bit of that. If you go by vanilla, you're fucked. True dat. You are fucked. True dat. The amount of vanilla or whatever.

No, it was the cherriness after I returned to it. It was very similar to a Cherry Coke or even a Cherry Max Pepsi. So you said Cherry Vanilla. Cherry Pepsi Max. It's not called Max Pepsi. Oh, hello, I'm Max Pepsi. I'm Max Pepsi. I'm Max Pepsi.

Why does he do that? Because all my characters do that when I have no other ideas. So let me just get fucking through this. So you said Cherry Vanilla. I did, on second thought, yeah. You were correct. I tell you what, you get a fizzy pop for that. One fizzy pop.

Thank you. There you go. Thank you. Shit. Number two, you said was go. Thank you. Shit. Number two you said was the cream soda, right? Why did you think that was the cream soda? Because I kind of had a thin slicing

moment where my semi-subconscious just said cream soda to me, you know? It just went just like, just the idea that I was drinking cream soda popped in. I thought, ah, all right. It had a gestalt in my mouth saying one thing. Poor cream soda.

All right, okay. That's what it was saying. Well, it lied to you because you were wrong. That one was vanilla float. Yeah, shit. But it's like that one. That means the last one must have been the cream soda because definitely three is strawberries. Yeah, no, you're right.

That is how it plays out. Three was definitely strawberries and cream. The most prominently obvious flavour, I think, of the four. Yeah, and I think my favourite. Yeah, maybe mine, certainly because it stands out. It's just got something else going on. And four is cream soda, but cream soda was kind of like...

Probably my least favourite. That, to me, tasted just like Dr Pepper. If it had been a, can you taste that or Dr Pepper and figure out which one's which? It'd be impossible. Maybe more noticeable because there's something to play off. But to the mind's tongue, that's... It's funny, isn't it?

It's almost like it's a sort of scam where they're just sort of suggesting much more in the packaging that this has a different flavour. They're giving you basically the very same thing, you know? We say this a lot on the podcast because it's come up from time to time, but it's that whole ragout thing where it's like, we need to know the perfect ragout. And this expert went, no, just make different types of ragout and you'll boost your sales.

Stick mushrooms in that one, stick garlic in that one, more herbs in that. This is taken to the ultimate level now with lots of products. What was your favourite then, the strawberries and cream? I would say my favourite was the strawberries and cream and my second favourite was the cherry. You know, because they have something going for them. I would probably agree with you actually on this one.

And they're very hard to tell apart, the cream soda and the vanilla float. I mean, even... It's got a nice aftertaste, that one. What is a cream soda that isn't in a vanilla float? What is in one that isn't in another? A float is vanilla ice cream. A Coke float was a Coke with ice cream on the top. Vanilla float to me is just cola and ice cream, right?

And cream soda is a creamy... A vanilla flavoured soda. Yeah. So it's much of a muchness really when you think about it. Because when you add, all you're really doing is going vanilla and pepper. A different type of vanilla and pepper. The only one that stands out is the strawberries and cream because it's got a bit of that creaminess

and that almost smoky sweet strawberry aftertaste that you get. Yeah, it's much more characteristic and noticeable and just more pleasant, I think, than the others. And sweeter tasting, wasn't it? I used the vanilla float. I boiled it down for my cocktail. Oh, you did as well. That's right.

That was a good cocktail, that. Witch Hole Fashioned. Keith's Witch Hole Fashioned. Where did we use that? Was that the Halloween stream we did? Well, we made it, and it was killer. Fucking tasty. They were really boozy.

It was like drinking a nice log fire. It was a very boozy cocktail. I boiled that down to a syrup. I used Dr. Pepper cherry and the and the vanilla float a mix of both it's dirty good boiled that right down to a syrup and then i used a little bit of fernet a little bit of buckfast and um well the book stops here a whole bunch of bourbon all right well there you go you ruined my out there i was trying to do a funny thing with the word book but no that's never funny yeah unless you say the book naked that's another one of those

um egg corns i was telling you about. People say butt naked, don't they? Butt naked, yeah. But they don't, they mean... Meant to be book naked, isn't it? Yes, but it's a... No, book. It's a mistake that actually is closer to what you're actually trying to say.

Yeah. An egg corn. That's why they call me the book fucker. That's why they call me the egg corn doozher. That's because I've always got my dick in a book. Oh, what does the end of my knob look like? A fucking knack. He's got a husk on it.

He's got an acorn. Who's going to twist the husk on me, little acorn? I'm operating on a whole nut dick based level different from you. What's a nut dick? Exactly, if you have to ask. Isn't that an album, the nut dick? The Chuff Knee Nut Dick Pezzle. Come on, The nut dick. The Chuffney nut dick pezzle.

Come on, darling. It's the Chuffney Express. The Chuffney nut dick pedal. And it pushes under me like a tray. It holds up all the nuggets on the Chuffney train. Yeah, well, you had something there. And then once again, it disappeared into fucking a molasses of shit. Well, get on board the Chuffney train.

It's time to leave the stage. It's a train that hangs under the main carriage. Oh, no, that makes more sense. No, you're right. You're right. I'm taking it all back. I'm sorry it was corrected. Guys, it can't always be gold on this show, okay?

Sorry, I'm a bit tired and emotional. Oh, you're always tired and emotional. I've been a bit tired and emotional today. Because you got an email from his boss telling him not to play a certain genre of music anymore. You're not allowed to say that. I can. Why? You don't know what boss it is.

You don't know who you work. He doesn't know what it comes in. They can find out. They could. Why are you doxing me? I'm not doxing you. We've told people plenty of times where you gig. Exactly, which is why you don't...

Yeah, but that's you doing it. I was at the Blues Kitchen calendar the other day. I was in doing it. I was at the Blue's Kitchen counter the other day. I was at Brixton. I was at the discount. They know where you go. Luckily for you, people just are afraid of meeting you in public and would never go there. I don't want them to know about the details of why I was anxious. Don't care.

I don't want that to be put out there, Paul. I want you to give all. I want you to give all to this show. Weird. This got real weird, guys. Why is it weird? Because it's weird. I don't want people to know about that. It's a Tales from the Dance Floor. I'm trying to be funny. I'm doing the Chuffney fucking train. It's not a Tales from the Dance Floor.

It is. It's not a Tales from the Dance Floor. I might get fired. Oh, fuck no. That's great, isn't it? I'm not doing the end of this. Oh, I gotta go. Just do it.

Guys. Oh. I've just completely tapped into the anxiety. It's great. It's not great. Why is it great? Because one day I'll fucking break you on this podcast. You'll break me what? And yes, it may be our last one. Just completely tapped into anxiety. It's great. It's not great. Why is it great? Because one day I'll fucking break you on this podcast.

You'll break me what? And yes, it may be our last one. But Christ, what a zinger to go out on. You'll break me what? Physically? Mentally. Mentally. Oh. Mentally.

Because I thought there's a theme, Paul. Yeah. Where you've been like trying to get boxing matches going with crankies and stuff. Right? Yeah. Throughout this episode. So I assumed you thought you meant break me like a wrestler does. No, no, no.

I'll call the whole boxing event, I'll call it Bookaroo. No, fuck you. Because the book stops here. Book fast. I've tied it all together like a great comedian does. Oh, I've done well. We're both stinking the shit out this week. Fucking dirty.

God, we couldn't even think of a fucking dictator fucking sweep. I did yes but it took a whole fucking break yeah but at least we got there several more joints at least we got there little fucking of the wacky backy inspiration I have my anxiety

don't tell them the real me I don't want them to know I do drugs shut the fucking turn off no one needs this they're charmed I don't need this you don't need exactly

no one needs this how many episodes are left. I don't need this. You don't need it exactly. No one needs this. How many episodes are left of this fucking show? Poor. TikTok-y like TikTok. We've got to do the Patreon stuff. Yeah, we'll do it. Later this week. Don't put me in too bad a mood because I'll fucking, I don't know, I'll do something.

What will you do? I'll cancel or something so I'm sick. Oh. And then what will you fucking do? I will skip merrily down the lane. You'll skip anywhere. You haven't got the breath. I'll fight you right now.

Just fucking fight you. Paul. Come on. It's been eight years. Turn the thing off. I love you. Stop. Right, that's it. That's Cheap Show done for another week.

If you want to know more about us, Eli's dying over there. Shut up. Die outside. Go on, die outside. No, I'm going to do funny bit. Don't. I'm trying to do...

Don't fucking floss your cock and balls with the scarf. Oh, I shouldn't have. What, have you jostled some... No, I shouldn't do that because, you know, you've got to put that round your neck and you don't want it to smell like your fucking scrunchie nutsack. It's scrunchie nutsack. Ladies and gentlemen...

I mean, I... Shut up. Ladies and gentlemen, everything you need to know about Cheap Show is found in one location on the internet. It's thecheapshow.co.uk you can go to our videos you can go to pages dedicated to each episode there links to our live show live show coming up in november get your tickets we're doing it south london it's going to be a wicked fun show with a digitizer crew come along with that link on our website come along with that noiseland's done a new pop video for us on top

notch western romance see that online we also did's done a new pop video for us on top-notch Western romance. See that online. We also did a couple of our YouTube video the other day, and that's on our channel now, where we just talk shit and played games, and it was a fun time to celebrate 350. That's all on our website,

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And if you do, there's podcasts and... He can't stop. ...and magazines and videos and bonus features and behind the scenes things and treats. Oh, my God. And that's it. That's it.

That's a fucking episode. All right. Oh, oh, Eli. He's doing a very pantomime shaking with rage. Oh, I'm shaking with rage. He looks halfway between having a fit and being Mick Jagger. Now he's going all... I can't get no.

I know. He's had a push-button he's going I can't get no I know he's had a push-button oh I can't get no so turn the thing off that's it I'm done thanks patrons thank you patrons

can I say goodbye your continued support is an amazing thing for us and we appreciate it we really do as me and Eli watch in real time

it's our outside of cheap show career concerns shut up crumble away mate it's me too it's the fucking BZ local radio I haven't got a job in a week watch in real time. It's all outside of Cheap Show career concerns. Shut up. Crumble away. Mate, it's me too. It's the fucking BZ Local Radio.

I haven't got a job in a week. Help us. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. We're all dying. See you next week

on Cheap Show. One step close to the grave. I just want to say about this because you can put a photo on it. No, we've lost

the momentum. The momentum's gone if you do that. He bought me a lovely record box. I bought him a lovely big box of records. It's in nice condition. It's still got the inlay card. Look at the energy. Look lost the momentum. The momentum's gone if you do that. He bought me a lovely record box. I bought him a lovely big box of records. It's in nice condition.

It's still got the inlay card. Look at the energy. Look at the energy I'm keeping in. Let's do this. Come on. I'll put photos on the website. £8.50 on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk,

patreon.com forward slash cheap show. We can't stop. We are dying in here. Help us save our lives. Just press the buttons. All you have to say, I say goodbye. Thanks, everyone.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. have to say i say goodbye i'll say goodbye goodbye thanks for listening goodbye