CheapShow - Ep 353: Noodles and Mooncakes

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

In a happy happenstance, this week’s episode falls on National Noodle Day, and to celebrate Eli and Paul have managed to get their hands on something a little bit special. Only available in Japan, the Nissin company have released two new products designed to appeal to “gamers”, the Gaming Cup Noodle Energy Garlic & Black Pepper Yakisoba and the Gaming Curry Meshi Energy Ginger Keema Curry. How will they fair with the UK’s self-proclaimed noodle super tasters? The cheap chaps are also gifted with some very special Chinese treats when a lovely listener sends them a range of mooncakes. Although a wonderful snack, Paul is going to have a very violent falling out with one of them. But which one? As ever, the answers can be found in this episode of CheapShow! CheapShow Theme by @noiselund With thanks to Meng Yang for the mooncakes and Ivenne for sending us the Nissin! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-353-noodles-mooncakes And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter (we’re not calling it X) @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Let's start the show off positively. Name me two things you like. Just two things. Name me two things you like. Pickles. Genuinely, though. Do I not genuinely like pickles? I'm just saying.

You're not being positive. No, no, no. This feels like an interrogation. I want you to be... Oh, lightning! Oh! It's very orangey. Wait for it.

Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Yeah, it's not happening. So, now, all I'm saying is, yeah, say pickles, ha, ha, ha, but if you don't... Not pickles, ha, ha, ha, how dare you? This whole thing, you say you want to start positively. Mate, I haven't attacked you.

And then you say, think seriously about it. No, no, because I say pickles, you're like... All right, I just didn't want you to say pickles. You think pickles is something I do because I want people to send me pictures of pickle novelty items online. No, I just said... I just said, I didn't want you to pick... Pickles, yes. That leaned into

the cheap showiness I was like what does Eli Silverman genuinely two things you like masturbating to internet pornography

right one I can't believe I said that it's true though and two shut up don't keep that in don't put that in

come on mate what two things then quick I don't want that in don't put that in come on mate what two things then quick no that's not I don't want that as my first thing that I like fine then give me

two more quick more of a necessity yeah more of a need a calling come on not a calling a calling

come on two things my calling what's your calling wanking two things give me two things two things I like

yes genuinely I like old postcards okay and noodles noodles okay cool what is this about Give me two things. Two things I like? Yes, genuinely. I like old postcards. Okay, and? Noodles. Noodles? Okay, cool. What is this about? There's lightning again.

Wait for it. Wait for it. It's not happening. We should start this. I'm honest. Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate, mate. What's fucking two things you like? Blah, blah, ghostbusters.

No, I'll tell you. No, I'll tell you. Mate, mate, I'll tell you. I like bread and butter. I like bread and butter. I like cheese and ham. Toast and jam. I like figures and knickers. You don't know that song.

Man and be the man. I like Johnny Rotten. I like Sid Little. I like Mr. Ben. And that, ladies and gentlemen is this week's cold open to the show this is the cold open

to the economy comedy podcast no we've reached we've reached a new low lightning wait for it welcome to cheap show

press the fucking credits fucking credit. Off-run, run-don. Off-run, run-don. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Chief Show. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for.

Chodney? Chodney Borough. I hate you. You've got to be moved with posse. Jeep show time! Jeep show time! It's the price of shine! Jeep show time! Welcome to Cheap Show. Oh, it's a thundery Wumbly day in Cheap Show HQ today, isn't it, Mr. Silk? What does Wumbly mean?

Wumbly? Come on. What do you mean, come on? I shouldn't have to explain what Wumbly is. No, come on. It's a thundery Wumbly day. What does that mean? Thundery. Thundery. You know it, right? Yeah. It's the thunder. It's the noise. It Wumbly day. What does that mean? Thundery? You know it, right?

It's the thunder. It's the noise. It's the bluster. I'm with you on thundery, yes. The Wumbly is the kind of damp air around it. You know what I mean? It's the Wumbly feeling. It's the Wumbly feeling. I've got an oppressive Wumbly feeling all around the what I call my

Your necessity area, yes. No, my numpty wumpties. If. No, numpty... If you want the nonsense, Paul, if you start the nonsense... I just said thundery-wumbery. That's all I said. You said thundery-wumbery. Can I just say?

I have nutsack issue. Not enough or too much? Both. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where I, Paul Gannon, alone, go through the charity shops, bargain bins and powerlands of Great Britain

to find the treasure amongst all of that trash. And with me this week, we've got a very special guest. I've done this gag before, but I like it, so I'm going to do it again. He's your friend and mine. You may know him as... Do you remember Barshens years ago? He was in that, do you remember? Oh, here he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman. Why weren't you looking at me when you were saying that you aren't here this is all in my head um just to go back to the other thing you said eli silverman is a construct i've made you're like tyler durden i was tyler the i pay an actor i do the voice i mean i know it's a joke you pay an actor to do what if you to be you on stage ah i just take this otter and I just rub it in shit and I put a hat on it and a Hawaiian t-shirt. Okay, so not an actor. This keeps getting updated.

You take an otter, you rub it in shit and put a hat on it. And a Hawaiian shirt. Okay. And then I give it the script that I would say when I was... Why would you rub it in shit? To get the overall muscovy like out. But if I don't exist, if I never existed... Well, that's how I imagine you to be.

It's how you imagine me. Yeah. You imagine me... As a shitty otter. A shit-covered otter in a hat. Yeah, and a t-shirt. Paul, you've accessed something deep in my soul here,

and I just want to say, going back to what we said before, with the bollocks area issue being both too much and too little, it's like this. If I can explain it to you in just two very descriptive and succinct

words. Douche. Douche. Big douche. Little douche. Douche. Douche. They're not words not allowed. Neither is Wombly, you twat. I didn't say Wombly was a word. You did. You said it. You described it. I am inventing it. I am making it a word. Well, douche douche is a

word. Everyone knows douche douche is a word. Everyone knows douche douche is a word. Douche douche is not a word. Okay, let me ask you this, Paul. At best, it's onomatopoeic. Words are onomatopoeic. In fact, an onomatopoeia would have to be a word, wouldn't it? No. Name another thing that can be onomatopoeic.

Your mum. How could that of my mum be onomatopoeic? Think about it, clever clogs. I've got it sorted out in my end. Welcome to Team Show. The sound of my mum sounds like the rain. Yeah, the sound of my mother sounds like rain. You twat.

You're not engaging. You've really fucked me off. Have I? Yeah, you have. Onomatopoeia, not words. Dush, dush. If I said to you if I came up to you

in the street okay yeah and I said mate doosh doosh you'd know what I was referring to

wouldn't I no wouldn't you no yes I wouldn't even look at you in the street what do you think

if just now just clear your mind oh I'm going down the road no just clear your mind yeah we're not down the road now right we've gone inside

clear your mind right doosh doosh what's the first thing comes to your head after someone's knocking on my door wait for it there it is yeah quite far away it's kind of spooky there's a vibe in here there's a vibe and we're not a thundery wondery vibe i think you'll agree what's coming up on the show well we have a very food based episode this week and actually um thematically it's all in a kind of

it's it's quite nice thematically because we've been sent moon cakes uh which we'll get into uh and we've been sent ah the big thing we're back on the nissan train this week because we were sent by event the gaming cup noodle so this is the cup noodle they're trying to sell to gamers to say, eat this because it's packed full of caffeine. Yes. Now, is this a special

limited edition thing? I believe so. You can't get them over here anyway. No, but I mean, it looks like something that they're going to actually launch in. I mean, potentially,

maybe if they sell well. It's not like a special flavour. It's a whole sort of... You'd have a special flavour like that breakfast one we had. Yes. And the flavoured stuff that we did. They've also done a pumpkin spice one, which we never got hold of, did we? No, they're hard to get hold of. If Ben

bends over backwards to get us these, there's weird sounds outside the street. Sounds like someone's doing F1. It's like the apocalypse in the rain. It's very Wambury. So we'll get into it later, but gaming cup noodles, we've got that. Great. And also this one. Whatever that is, I think that's a rice thing.

Oh, is that Nissan as well? Can I have a little look at that, please? Well, we can all save it for later. Save it for later. So that's what we're doing. We've got sent mooncakes because I believe it's part of a Chinese mid-autumn festival. Yes. So these are appropriate to have this time of year.

Yeah, it's a big deal. You see them in all the grocers in Chinatown this time of year. Yeah, it's a big deal. You see them in all the grocers in Chinatown this time of year. Yeah. And they can go for a lot of money, these mooncakes. I know. They give them as gifts this time of year, I think. But we've been sent these from... But it was a gift for us, wasn't it?

Yes, we've been sent them. And we'll get to it later, the letter and everything involved. So we'll get to that. That's our show this week. It's a food one. It's Asian cuisine, basically, isn't it, this week? Yes. Nissin, obviously, long-time admirers of Nissin.

Nissin, I think is how it's pronounced, in fact. Yeah. Although there's one little thing that I'll get out now. That was part of the letter. Well, a little thing that you'll get out. Yeah. It's less than an inch, really, when it's not erect, isn't it? It's a little thing you'll get out.

He's going to get out his little thing, everyone. Oh, it's a little flat stamp-shaped penny. Oh, look at that. Oh, it's a little thing you'll get out. He's going to get out his little thing, everyone. Oh, it's a little flat stamp-shaped penny. Oh, look at that. Oh, it's a little notched penny. A little flat, meaty, notched penny. I've got the inspiration. The inspiration, Paul. For what?

Describing your wee-wee as a flat penny, notched penny. Great. Well, I'm glad you've reached the apex. Oh, flutter-bye, flutter-bye, what do I see? It's Paul Gannon's winky and it's smiling at me. Oh, flutter by, flutter by, where does it smell? It smells from top to bottom of a stinky fishy well. Yeah, you won't do this in front of Gareth fucking Reynolds, will you?

Don't start that. You're going to give me a complex about not being myself with the guests. Give you a brutalist complex. Oh, nice. Oh, nice. That's something I like, brutalism. Yeah, you do. You should have said that instead of fucking going on and on about fucking douche douche and shit.

Oh, the thunder's come. It's raining again now. It's like thunder. It's quite dramatic in here today. We should need to view the recording with a sense of the foreboding. The frisson. The electricity in the air quite literally, Paul. Yes, it's dark outside. It's darkening. It's

grey and it's thundery wondery, everybody. So you'll be using it next week, I guarantee it. Get on board while you can. It's going to be a fine time. Can we start this fucking episode? No, because I want to say hufflepuff see no that's not words stop it you do not words and you can't also just say i was right you can't have a thing

that isn't a word to be being onomatopoeic it's a descriptor of of words only you can't have an onomatopoeic anything else what onomatopoeia means is a word that sounds like the thing that it describes that's what it means like tinkle like murmur like you fucking talk like a google search engine

has Eli and words mate a hufflepuff you have a choice to make right now a murmuration of sparrows

you can either join me in the English language swifts are they they're swifts you can either join me in the English language or you can take your gobbledygook bullshit

outside take it outside what in this weather yeah stand in the rain and what would I can either join me in the English language or you can take your gobbledygook bullshit outside. Take it outside? What, in this weather? Yeah. Stand in the rain. And what would I say in the rain? Oh, do you see the lightning? It's coming.

Wait for it. Wait, wait for it. It's far away. It seemed like it was getting closer for a minute and then it went further away again. Isn't it strange? We didn't hear any thunder there. No.

That was the brightest lightning. There it is. It's a good few miles off, isn't it strange? We didn't hear any thunder there. No. That was the brightest light. There it is. It's a good few miles off, isn't it? It is getting a good few miles off. It's a day of volatility. So let's get right into the show. Can we now finally, please? Let me tell you, I'm looking forward to eating some mooncake

and also to tasting these Nishan caffeinated noodle products. Yes, we'll be giving you our full review of the latest Nishan madness. But that's all to come. Let's get right into the mooncakes. Do you want to introduce the sound effects? I'll let you pick one. Which one do you want this week? What have we got?

We've got the cash till. We've got the pennies in the slot. We've got the spinning coin. We've got the coins in the pot. We've got... I like that. I like that. Stop there. You've got me. Do. We've got the coins in the pot. We've got I like that. I like that. Stop there. You've got me.

Do you want that one? I want that one. Can you introduce the sound effect then, please? Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in. It's been a long journey for us. I've got some things on my mind. You know what? I don't want you to do it. Ladies and gentlemen, let's just go to the clip. Let's just go to the segment. Ooh, waffle puff! Right. We get clip let's go to the segment right we get a lot of interesting stuff sent to us via our po box if you want to send us anything yourself uh there is information in the podcast app in the metadata for

this episode with the address it's also on our website thecheapshow.co.uk if you do you can be part of this podcast and help make the content we uh talk about what put your fan little little point on that yeah paul uh out of spite to me there's three things that he will throw straight in the bin if you send them so you've got disguised them within other items so those things are pickles sauces and noodles okay so that's not true at all he likes this one because it's got a gimmick but any standard at all that is not true at all because i give i tell you everything you're keeping the fucking sauces pickles and noodles from me

you're hoarding them I gave you the Marmite sauce didn't I and the coffee one I gave you that that coffee one was a big disappointment

yeah but you know I still gave you it what's going on pissing down as well it's like a World War 2 mobilisation outside my house isn't it

vroom vroom that sounded like a sidecar motorbike great reference eli right so this week's po box comes from uh men yang and she says uh my name is men yang and i'm sending you guys some moon cakes to try some background information moon cakes is traditionally eaten at the moon cake or mid-autumn festivals it is one of the four most important chinese festivals uh moon cakes are usually eaten in small wedges with family and friends i've included a few for you to try uh there are um oh that was a big one oh it's coming

i'm frightened that was close that was close that's still seven miles, eight miles. This is making it thrilling radio podcast. Nine miles. Yeah, about ten miles off still. Oh, it's giving me the willies, this. It's quite a nice feeling, this being inside. I kind of like it. I like dramatic weather. Yeah.

I've always enjoyed thunderstorms, personally. Yeah, I have too. I especially like it when you're in a car and it's pissing down. And, you know, the car's parked. Oh. There's the rumble. What if it's the last podcast we'll ever make? Because the end times are coming. Why would Thunder tell you the end times are coming?

Because is that what the noise God will make when he comes back to end us all? When Jesus comes down? Improvisation is yes and, Eli, not fuck off. Imagine, you know what Thunder could be? What? The fucking cosmic douche douche. It could be the cosmic douche douche. Of God's bollocks falling on the clouds,

mate. Cosmic douche. Not douche, douche douche. It's a different thing altogether. Anyway, we've got some Hong Kong custard flavoured moon cakes, cappuccino, and a larger moon cake, whichppuccino, and a larger mooncake, which is salted egg yolk and lotus paste.

Wow. And it's meant to be cut into four wedges and shared because these were the small ones, the custard and the cappuccino, quite small. Okay. The other one, which you'll see in a minute,

is quite big. It looks like a pork pie. To me, that seems like those smaller ones are more of a novelty flavoured mooncake and the salted egg and lotus that sounds much more like a traditional because salted eggs is something you don't even get in the west it's not something no not at all and lotus is flavored crisps we've had of those

before then we've had salted egg flavored crisps from uh i love those i've bought those independently they are expensive but the ones that actually have like the eggy sort of it feels like the crisp is soaked in egg sort of wait there's you've got more stuff in there well yeah i'm gone oh did i not bring it but you also have fried egg did we try fried egg flavored crisps as well paul yes those are like spanish back in the pod sorry thank you those fried egg flavored ones are spanish walkers have never done an egg flavored crisp have they not as far as I'm aware. Maybe a limited edition once.

Hey, wake up, Walkers, huh? Wake up, Walkers, I think I've got something to say to you. You haven't done egg flavoured crisp before and I really think that you should too. Oh, I know that you've made pickle and cheese and onion too. Oh, Walkers, I just want fried egg anymore. That's a terrible fucking song. He's like,

oh, fuck off, you're an old bitch. That's what that song is saying. I don't know. I fucking spiked in here just because I thought, eh, because I'm fucking full of cum

and now you're an old fucking bitch. He wrote a fair few songs like that because they're all like that. The small faces, you know, the one that you play a lot, Stay With Me. That's not the small faces.

The faces, then. Okay, so, that is yeah it's like all right you ugly bitch how fuck you but you can fuck off in the morning it's like that's literally the lyrics of the song well not literally that would be a gross uh exaggeration yes not literally um but yeah you're right but that is uh musically i love that stay with me bad boys i mean yeah exactly i love i love it it's got that real swagger in the sort of song, doesn't it? Then it kind of rocks the shit out towards the end. You wouldn't write lyrics

like that anymore, would you? It's that whole bad boy you love because I'm a bad boy you think. But isn't it funny how two of his sort of

like best tunes, Baggy May and that. Yeah. I don't think much of women. Yeah. Well, there you go. Kind of older women. Anyway.

Oh, Paul, before you return to the letter, I'm loving this now thank you I'm loving it I'm having a warm Hufflepuff feeling which is very Nestle-y

I will just fucking chop your head off at this point you'll chop my head off with what with my wanger wanger blade it is very flat

and penny like I use my penis to open envelopes Eli yeah I do sharpen the edge of your wanger yeah on a leather strap.

Now I'm getting a fucking erection. Put your chonk on. Chonk. Anyway, Paul, before you return the letter... Oh, I'm fucking nationally expressed. Nash off and all expressed. No, not like energy. Fucking Nash off.

Nash off and all expressed. Anyway, Paul... Christ. That's pretty good. like energy. Nosh off an all express. Anyway. That's pretty good. What do you want to say? Back to letters. Is it

Meng? Meng Yang. Yep. They say PS love the podcast and thank you for the recommendations of

Lion Bars and Jammy Dodgers. So they are fine things. Mate I saw it in the sky. I saw it in the That's closer. Isn't it? the sky. Oh, that's closer.

Isn't it? It's getting closer. Yeah, it's getting closer. That was literally forked. This is God trying to stop us doing this episode, I reckon. Have we ever recorded where there's been a thunderstorm before?

I know it was pissing down one time in the pod, in the White City pod. Yes, but it wasn't thunder. I don't remember it being thunder. It's a spooky one. It in the White City pod. Yes, but it wasn't thunder. I don't remember it being thunder. It's a spooky one. It's almost Halloween-y. Ooh, spooky num-nums.

Why do they call it pumpkin? What do they call it now? Why don't they call it Halloween season? They call it pumpkin spice season. Oh, I don't fucking know. Anyway, one last thing. Spooky season, that's what they call it. They also threw in some vegetable biscuits,

which I think we'll save for a Patreon episode. That she got from a Chinese supermarket. It was cheap. And a Reese plush and toilet erasers. Look at this. What? No, you can't... It's a little plushie that looks like an ocelot.

Meng must be in America. Maybe. And then look at the two little erasers with toilet and a little rubber poof. I love this! Look at this plush, man. Yeah, it's great. It's a little ocelot thing holding a Reese's...

Is it an ocelot? No, it's got little hand ears and yellow tufts of hair behind his little hand ears. Unless it's a Pokemon or something. You know what this is? What? This is Reese's attempt to do an M&M character thing. Maybe. Isn't it?

It's a confectionary mascot character. It's not real. It's just a big... I haven't looked into it. It's a living Reese's piece or something. Do you want me to do a... I'll do a Google lens. Sorry, I'm bleeping. I'll do a Google lens on it, see if I can find more information. Okay, I haven't looked into it. It's a living Reese's piece or something. Do you want me to do a... I'll do a Google lens. Sorry, I'm bleeping.

I'll do a Google lens on it, see if I can find more information. Okay, I've figured out what it is. So this comes from a range of toys. You know those mystery orbs you can buy with a toy inside? Sometimes it's like these micro food items. Oh, yeah. There's a thing called Snackles.

And Snackles are little creatures and they all have a brand they're associated with. And this one's the Reese one. I see. So it's... See, like if you look at that. see yeah yeah yeah so terrible stuff but they all look like little pokemons basically each one hawking some other kind of brand um this eraser has a little um eraser poo yeah coiled off brown poo and two little commodes yes so they you can

have them so i did a very quick look on um i did a very quick look on uh wikipedia about moon cakes and it doesn't say too much more than what we already just said it just says it's a chinese bakery product traditionally eaten mid-autumn festivals um it's a legend connected to moon watching and moon cakes are regarded as a delicacy offered between friends and family during the festival and as regarded uh and the mid-autumn one is one of the four important chinese festivals does it say what the other three are not right here new year iautumn one is one of the four important chinese festivals does it say what the other three are not right here new year i think it's probably one of the big ones hasn't produced you was here about chinese new year being a big thing uh they're usually eaten in small

wedges accompanied by tea it is customary for business people and families to present them to their clients or relatives as presents hoping to fuel a demand for high-end moon cakes helping to fuel yeah you see this is what i heard about read about about a year ago how it's um they can go for a lot and it's very much a prestigious sort of look how much money i can spend on this gift for you especially in a business context you know it's it's like buying someone a good watch or whatever yeah it's luxury luxury food weird luxury mooncakes and yeah like i say you go to the grocers in chinatown this time of year you can see these packs they're lovely they've all got really lovely um packaging and you know card and paper packaging uh fancy stuff so yeah but they go for like i've seen like in the grocers there's

these mooncake sets which are like 150 quid there's on the shelf well hopefully she didn't pay that for those we'll see so just very quickly mid-autumn festival the festival is intricately linked to the legends of chang's the mythical moon goddess of immortality tell me the goddess's name again chang c-h-a-n-g yeah chang chang uh the chinese emperor should offer sacrifices to the sun in spring and the moon in autumn the 15th day of the eighth lunar month is the day called mid-autumn. The night on the 15th of the 8th lunar month is also called night of the moon. Oh, there you go.

And then it goes on about the Ming Revolution, how they played a part in that. There's a lot to get through. I'm sure there's a lot of history around this. But for the sake of us, we're going to dive in and we're going to go taste some of this cake. We're going to taste some of this cake right now.

I'm just going to slap a little break in. Cool. A little sound effect? Bing bong. No, real sound effect? Dou of this cake. I'm going to taste some of this cake right now. I'm just going to slap a little break in. Cool. A little sound effect? Bing bong. No, a real sound effect? Douche douche. I like that one. Yeah, of course you do.

Huffling puffly douche douche mong. God, you sound like a fucking... I sound like a fucking what, Paul? Like a trained actor reduced to the stakes of a bum working with a fucking scouse con man. I was going to say you're more a darderous David Bellamy. Oh, thanks. Hufflepuff-a-dush-dush. You know what? Don't

worry about it. Right, we'll see you after this. Slot it in! So, in that break, we have prepared the three mooncakes that we're gonna be trying today. We have the Chinese mustard or Hong Kong mustard, we have the cappuccino, and then have the egg salted egg yolk and lotus leaf one interesting yes so there doesn't seem to be any sort of distinction between what is considered a sweet

or confectionery and what is uh so you know in terms of what a moon cake is yeah yeah it doesn't seem to be any sort of a moon cake could be anything it says to make chinese mustard the seeds need to be dehydrated blah blah blah it says why is it different and it says because i was trying to think what what is it about it's probably slightly different cultivar of the mustard plant i mean i don't know anything about the botany a very particular horseradish or wasabi like sinus clearing quality to it yeah well so it's normal mustard really yeah but the seeds are first dehydrated then ground into a buttery fine beige powder it's much more tame in appearance than taste like coleman's mustard and this is going back to that pot that we found paul i don't think uh originally people used to sell mustard ready-made they'd sell the powder in tins yeah

and you'd rehydrate yourself with uh with water right yeah and you'd make a paste and so that's probably why they had those mustard pots as well as well as being for presentation you'd have the powder which you're not going to put the powder on the table oh you'd make some up and then you put it in the pot yeah for that meal you see you mix it for what you need yeah of course so yeah so we're going back because we did that did we do that a couple of weeks ago yeah there was a mustard pot on um a mustard pot on the price of shine. Which one do you want to start with? Well, at least two of those could be fucking nasty.

I'm not looking, honestly, you know what I'm like with my palette. The gag reflex. Yeah, I know. You've cut them into nice dainty little bits. Well, you're meant to share it. Cut them into quarters and then share. So is that part of the ritual of it?

It's our friendship I am sharing. Fantastic. Thanks to... Thanks, Meg. It's our friendship I am sharing. Fantastic. Thanks to... And thanks, Meg. Yeah, exactly. Thanks to her. We can now share these and be part of the...

Maybe belatedly, but part of the festival. Good. Shall we finish what is more likely to be the nicer one, which is the cappuccino? Yes, because I think the big one,

the more pastry-looking one, that's the traditional mooncake as most people know it. Well, that's the lotus and salted egg, which to me seems much more traditional. Yeah. But so is mustard I

guess. I guess. Which one do you want to start with? I'll let you choose. Let's start with the Hong Kong mustard. Please.

These are very blonde. Yes they are. I mean they're very very. It's a nice smell. Nice cakey smell. It has got a cakey

smell. I wasn't expecting I'm not smelling any mustard on that. Mate have I. Wait. Oh look there's some liquidy stuff.

Mate. Oh mate. Mate. I haven't been a big dickhead. C, have I... Wait. Oh, look, there's some liquidy stuff. Mate, oh, mate, mate. I haven't been a big dickhead. Custard, not mustard. It's Hong Kong custard. A fucking idiot, Paul. Will you give me shit for a bit, please?

Will you tell me I'm a prick? I can't, I can't even... Because we've just wasted all these, like, the last two minutes talking about that. Was that an actual article on Chinese mustard that you looked up? I didn't. Yeah, right. It's like a custard cake.

This is going to be lovely. People are listening at home right now going, mate, they've fucked up. Why would you put mustard in a fucking cake? Well, they put salted eggs. Yeah, but... Okay. I unreservedly apologise.

This makes much more sense. Custard and you get those lovely Chinese... I can't believe I did that. Paul, I used to get these. They do lovely egg custard tart things in Chinatown. You always used to see them in bakeries. But this isn't the same. This is a cake.

It's got an orange inside and a bit of liquid, what must be custard there at the bottom. You've got the liquid little bit at the bottom there. Yeah, where it's kind of settled a little bit of pumpkin or something strangely shall we dive in yeah here we go here is the hong kong custard moon cake it's really dense oh i really like that you know i can see why you share that because i think a whole one of those is too much but that's okay that's the other thing in that article I read a couple of years ago about this is that these cakes can be hugely calorific

yeah no fucking shit I can literally feel it it's so dense isn't it it's weird it's very buttery isn't it it's almost got like a butter scotch

or butter you know those biscuits those butter biscuits whatever you know what I'm getting at yeah it definitely has that it's like a really nice flavour I think

very smooth as well it's like it's not it's thick but it's not chunky and crumbly. It's really dense. I thought it was going to be crumbly, but it's not. It's not like a Western cake in that its texture is different, isn't it? It's much thicker and denser, but very nice mouth-coating.

Yeah, it has coated my mouth in this buttery. Yeah, really nice. It's not a heavy custard custard flavour though, is it? That'd be lovely with some tea, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah. You know what? I can see why it says have it with tea. That's bloody good.

I don't know. Nice. Should we go for the egg and salted egg? We're going to have to do the egg. And this is the one I'm not looking forward to because even now I'm having a gag reflex and I'm not even fucking looking at the thing. It's just weird.

It's like my brain is just wired to know what it won't like in advance. It's strange. I've never had one of these before, so how can I possibly know? Well, it's got a salted egg. You've had salted egg before, haven't you? Well, I'm going to have a snuff.

It's funny, you look at it, and it looks, when you see it sliced and it's quarter, it has got that blob of egg in the middle. It's got a blob of egg in the middle. It's a bit like one of those pork pies with the egg tube going through. Yeah, and then,

so what lotus leaf, what paste is that? What would you use to have is that what would you use i think they use it in confectionaries like you can get lotus cakes and also have you ever seen those things in japanese food where they have these sort of things and they're like a weird sort of trellis like a slice and it's got like holes in a yeah that's lotus root i believe right and that's got a nice thing so what flavor profile is that then it's a veg i think it's like a potato almost like potato but they use it a lot of sweet like lotus paste so well so this looks like you've got the salted egg in the middle and this brown around the outside that's orange the egg and then you've got brown around the outside that's that lotus paste which is the paste yeah this could be mate. It's weird, it smells almost like...

Peanut butter. Oh no, that's not what I'm getting. I thought that was like marmite. Are you getting nutty now? Any of that nut? I'll give you fucking some nut, mate. I'll give you nutting. Right, you ready? Alright. What bit are you going to bite through? I'm going to bite through the side chunk. You've got to bite so you get a bit of both things. That's what I'm saying, I'm going to bite at the

apex of the wedge. We're going to bite the apex. Come on then. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Oh, that's not for me. Yeah, that's not for me very much. Oh, I can't eat it.

Just swallow it. Oh, God. It's not for me. It's not for me. It's not for me. Oh God. Oh God, it's not for me. Are you okay, mate? Come on.

I'm using every muscle to stop not be sick Oh don't be sick In my living room Jesus Oh god Oh please help me Just calm down Couldn't eat that I'm sorry

That was not for me Oh god That is not for It tastes a bit eggy And then you've got a lot of sweetness coming off the lotus paste That is not for... It tastes a bit eggy and then you've got a lot of sweetness coming off the lotus paste. That's what's upsetting.

It's the contrast, yeah? Because it's like... It's sweet in that bakery way I don't like with kind of very syrupy almost. But then right in the middle of that syrup texture

you've got this pongy egg which is crumbly and then just makes it all congeal in your mouth like wet sand. It's egg yolk, isn't it, though, as well? It's an orange chunk of egg yolk.

Oh, no. No, that peanut buttery is from the lotus paste. I didn't mind it. Yeah, I know, but you have a much more rounded palate than me. It's much more willing to take abuse. Thank you. Could someone sound clip that? I want to stress, it's not revolting. It's just something about it does not work for me.

Yeah, I understand that, Paul. It's not my... I prefer the custard one, but I don't mind this. Can I have a bit of your water, please? Of course. It's nicely constructed, this. You've got the paste on the inside and then the egg, but on the outside, it's like a flour layer. This one looks very much like a pork pie.

Pork pie? Doesn't it? Here's a reference for you. Doesn't this one look like a pork pie? It does. It looks like a pork pie with an egg in it. It's got a flour... It's got a...

What would you say? Like a shell, which is like a conventional sort of flour cake layer. But then you've got this sort of almost jelly-consistent sort of lotus taste. Oh, God. In the middle of that, it's the salty thing.

I can't talk about it. Paul. We've got to do this. I've not seen you this bad on anything in years. It's because of the texture, isn't it? It's the texture. This is really in Paul's bad texture wheelhouse. Right, we're moving on to cappuccino.

It's a nice brown wedge. I'm eating it now. What's the hoof? Oh, it's very chocolatey. Very chocolatey in a coffee way. Well, you like chocolate coffee cake. We've discussed this. I don't like, I don't tend to really like coffee sweets, coffee cakes very much.

I like coffee. I find it delicious. Right, I'm just going to go ahead and have a bite of this now. Oh, it's a nice brown wedge. There you go. Oh, this has a little, this has a little stuffing. They all seem to be, the convention seems to be flour on the outside

and then like a paste and then something else in the middle, like a liquid centre almost, or a gooey centre, which the egg was a... What was that like, Paul? A very, very artificial coffee on the nose, isn't it? That's what I was going to say. That's fine, but it feels

of all the flavors the least genuine i think i prefer the mustard the custard one i think i prefer the custard one because it leaves a nice it's got like that buttery nice wow it was quite delicious i thought the custard one really with a cup of tea as well i can imagine that this is fine but it's a bit too on the nose if that makes sense i'm gonna go going to go in. Yeah, go in for it. It's perfectly pleasant and perfectly nice, but for some reason, I think I prefer the custard. Yeah. It's not as rich as I thought it was going to be.

I thought it was going to be much more rich than it is. It's actually quite a light-flavoured coffee. Yes, and it's the least sweet of all three of these, isn't it? Surprisingly so. Again, I thought it was going to be kind of richer, darker, creamier. Which is strange, because you're looking for a sweetness almost there. No, there's quite a strong coffee flavour. And it's quite a rich, quite...

It's quite a chocolatey coffee flavour. I mean, I know that's the point. There's no chocolate in this. It's not bitter. It's not a bitter coffee flavour. No, but I'm saying it's bitterer than like a coffee, like a revel. Oh, yeah. It's a lot bitter.

There is actually a bitterness. But a lot less bitter than I was expecting. Really? Yeah. You thought it was going to be really coffee-y? I just thought it was going to be more like a fudge. Not fudge, but you know like a truffle almost. It had that kind of density.

It's going down the back of my throat and I'm getting a real bitterness, like a real coffee bitterness from this. No, it's perfectly lovely. I've got no problems with it. It's really nice. But I actually think... I think I prefer the egg. Really?

Of all three, you prefer the lowest? No, the custard, then the egg, and then the... I don't like the coffee one. No, I like the custard one best. I like the custard one best. Yeah. But then I go for the egg over the... That egg was okay.

I finished my whole bit. Almost. I've got some more here I'm going to have to... All right, well, I have some... Don't. Don't eat in front of me. That's so weird. I'm having a very violent reaction.

It's all very thundery-wondery in me tum-tum. I don't like it. It's stopped outside. It's gone in your belly. Yeah. Maybe my tummy has absorbed the thunder. I'm not even going to... I want to,. I don't like it. It's stopped outside. It's gone in your belly. Yeah. Maybe my tummy has absorbed the thunder. I'm not even going to.

I want to, but I'm not going to. What do you want to do? Something about you getting fucked. By what? The thunder? The elephant.

Hey! Pew! Thunder! Come in here, will you? Yes. Fuck the many voices of Eli J. Silverman. Yes, what would you do like?

I want you to have sex with Paul. You want a want you to have sex with Paul. You want a lightning bolt to have sex with me? No, an elephant. An elephant? You want an elephant to have sex with me? He's a gentle lover. Is he?

But he can't... Can you not smell the death on this idea? He can't control how much he gushes. It's very... Come on! He can't control how much he gushes. He can't, because that will give you a tumbly rumbly in the bummy right no you've added absolutely nothing so my favorite are both

of our favorites in this moon cake taste the custard's easily the best oh moonwalk mooncake i do honestly i'm not just trying to be a contrarian i enjoyed the salted egg and lotus i thought you would that's more more than the coffee one, actually. Well, I think you can imagine what I think is the worst. Why did that really... It was because you were building yourself up.

You psychologically ambushed yourself. Actually, I was doing the opposite because I was thinking, oh, every fucking time I put something gross in my mouth,

I'm going to make a big bite out of this so Eli doesn't say, oh, you father shit, you just gave it a nibble, blah, blah, blah, one chip challenge. I fucking took the whole thing.

I did take the whole thing. I got it. I get it. i don't want any of that so i bit a big chunk of it it was the crumbly egg yeah and then the bite i was like all right i'm not a fan of this but then it kind of mushed in my mouth to this egg crumbly wet sweet thing and i was like i i am going to be sick you had to spit it out my chest hurts right now now from holding back. From fighting the vomit. From holding it back. I'm in a bit of agony. I'm going to need, honestly, mate, a cup of tea break or something.

All right. I can make you a cup of tea. Anyway, thank you very much. Would you like some Chinese style tea? Yeah, why not? I've got some on the go. All right, cool.

Let's do that then. Oh, lovely. Well, me and you, we're going to have a little cup of tea break and then we're going to try the Nissan Cup Noodles for gamers.

Oh, we're gamers. We are. Ian cup noodles for gamers oh we're gamers we are i've played two separate video games today and i play one all the time yes which you need to rein in i can't help it if no game ever there's a new version right you're on now yeah i finally got repentance people know what that means i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck i have to have my own secrets even though i go on about it all the fucking time it's not a secret it's just something that people don't understand. I don't care. I like the game.

Is this bit staying in? It's getting cut. I can tell you. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Eli's specialised noodle segment of the show. I hand it over to the expert, Mr. Eli J. Silverman. Paul, as soon as I saw these, I was very excited. I saw them on social medias. On the old Twitter X threads.

This is a caffeinated cup noodle from Nishin, who are the original manufacturers of cup noodles. So Nishan are the company that started the worldwide instant ramen craze. They have. Which is in its... And we've dealt with them before on the podcast many times. We've dealt with them many times.

We've had the soda-flavoured noodle drinks. We've had the... What was the other one we did recently? The breakfast one? We've done a few. American breakfast. And they do, in recent years, since their 50 50th anniversary which the sodas were they've gone mad they do seem to be going mad and event thank you very much has sourced these she's done a great

job sourcing beginning to think events like maybe a gangster she got those sodas yeah and it's just the breakfast one was that her as well she makes things happen. Was the breakfast one her as well? I think so. Now, as soon as I saw these caffeinated, I thought they might be a joke because sometimes companies put these things out, especially around this time of year, it has to be said, as a joke. Like as a spoof thing. Like, this is a real product.

It's not your dickhead. Yeah, like Pringles toothpaste flavor or something like that. They do it, you know, because they've got these... That fucking makes me mad. They've got these social media marketing departments in these big corporations, don't they? Or you, Danny Dorito.

Give me an idea. Danny Dorito. Danny Dorito, give me an idea. No, that's excellent. Give me an idea for our next big marketing push. Danny Dorito is the idea. Hello, I am Danny Dorito. I can't do...

No, let's just not do... paul i just want to give one example which i saw on weird history food i'm danny dorito um all my voices sound the same they actually quite depressing spam the makers of spam put out a spoof i should be able to do more than four voices it's okay this isn't a mimicry podcast. Isn't it? It's a mockery podcast. It's a mockery of a podcast, yeah. Spam. Why are you talking about spam? I don't want to... This is focus.

No, I am focused. This is of interest. It's not of interest to me. Calm down. It's not of interest. Big cheer up and calm down, you fucking moody cunt. I'm just saying, I don't want to talk about spam when we have noodles to get. It's in relation. It's part of a thought. How is it?

I thought that this might be a joke. Caffeinated noodle. It sounds like it could be a joke. An example of that, that then did start as a joke, but then became a real product because people demanded it. Right. Was spam put out a mock-up of a pumpkin spice flavoured version of their luncheon meat for Halloween or whatever. Yeah. Right. And then people demanded it and they put it out. Can you think of anything grosser than that?

You know, it's funny, isn't it? What people will make an effort to vote for. They maybe won't get involved with, like, equal rights or, you know, safety on the roads or whatever.

But they will go fucking above and beyond to make ginger fucking spice spam a thing. Which ginger is one of the spices in pumpkin spice. Yeah, ginger was a spice. There was posh spice,

baby spice. There was. Ginger spice. Ginger was the only one that was actually a spice as well as a spice. Yeah, ginger spice. She was only popular around October and no other time. You do see those kind of joke products. So when I first saw this caffeinated cup noodle from Nishan, I thought it was a joke.

But it is not because they are here with us today. So we have an instant noodle. Well, can you send me your phone because I sent you that link. Can you open up that link, please? I'll have a look. Have a look at that link because that link's got all the information because this is all in Japanese, as you can imagine. The way it's made, very familiar. We've done cup noodles before

in the past. We're old guards on that respect. We don't need to go through the preparation. What we're going to do is we're going to give you an idea of the taste and flavor profile of this stuff and noodle reactions as per usual so we have a ramen one and this is instant rice which is not um an area of instant snack food that i'm you've got that article for me very familiar with yeah i've got it here well maybe how about you shut up until you do that and hand the phone to me i'm gonna read it out you're gonna read it i maybe how about you shut up until you do that and hand the phone to me. I'm going to read it out. You're going to read it? I'll read it. All right.

No, you read it. Is that okay, Paul? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you do that? In a mood or what? It's just because you're just so... I don't know. There's something about you that makes people laugh

when I talk and want to get involved with our podcast. Yeah, it's pity. It's pity, isn't it? It's eight years of pity from the Eli lovers, is it? Eight years of Eli pity love. Dush, dush. You can't say that i can't i just did nissan's caffeinated gaming cup noodle uh will keep you awake all night long so these are these

are noodles designed for the gamer the professional gamer those who play all night long maybe they're doing a fortnight eli or pub g what's pub g um It's like Fortnite. Is it? It's one of those games where you're just dumped in a map with a gun. Is it called PUBG? It's an abbreviation of something, isn't it? Which you don't know. I don't give a fuck, mate. Can I read this article? Or maybe you like your Minecraft, and these are the noodles formulated for you to keep you up all night.

Do people grind out Minecraft all night? Yeah, of course they do. People grind out games full stop all night long. There was that story of that guy, remember years ago, who died in an internet cafe because he was too busy playing some fucking online MMORPG. But in Japan, it's a real culture. What do they call them?

Okato? Oh, yeah. Okato. Okato. Oh, fuck it. Let's just scratch that because if we get it wrong, they'll complain. If we get it right, we said it wrong.

So, let's just look it up. Read it. It's really important. I can't because my phone has to film this because your phone has to read the details. Read the website before I crack you up. I tried and you keep interrupting me. Don't play with my Switch.

Can you give my Switch back? I'm going to play it while you do this. No, don't. I'm going to play your hardest level. You're being a real prick right now, Paul. Yeah? Come on, we had such a nice segment with the cakes, apart from that bit when you almost vomited.

Which was nice for me. Leave my Switch alone. Hey, teacher! Leave my Switch alone. Hey teacher. Leave my Switch alone. All in all it's just another cart in the back. Yeah that works as well. That's fundamentally a

good one. Mission. We don't need no Super Mario. Jinga jing. Jinga jing. Jinga jing. Jinga jing.

Go on what? That's kind of Pink Floyd doing disco. I guess. No it is. Alright. It's very disco-y. Did it get a lot of play? doing disco. I guess. No, it is. All right. It's very disco-y. Did it get a lot of play?

Did John Travolta fucking dance to it? It was a huge hit. I disagree. And it's... I disagree with the fact that you're presenting with me. It's my prerogative. I'll show you. Mainstream media told you that.

And if you're going to believe what mainstream media says, that the wall was popular, fuck off. Jog on. Jog on, mate. Turn the camera on. You go all fucking reactionary. Yeah, Tom Brown did it. So to speak.

Go on. Can I read this? Yeah. Nishan is giving gamers an extra boost with its newest offerings. The caffeinated gaming cup noodle and gaming curry meshi, which is the rice thing. That's the meshi. Funny that they don't have the cup noodle branding on this. No, they don't at all.

Well, it's not a noodle, I guess. No, I guess that's true. The article continues. The new instant ramen option arrived with one flavour each. Gaming Cup Noodle Energy Garlic and Black Pepper Yakisoba. Yakisoba is the Japanese term for a stir-fried noodle. What in Chinese cuisine or in Anglo-Chinese restaurants... You can see by the top of there, yeah.

You'd call a chow mein. It's that kind of thing. It's a stir-fried noodle with vegetables. We don't. Yakisoba. And it's a special type of noodle they use. Right. Similar to a chow mein noodle, like an egg noodle.

Go on. This is fucking knowledge. I'm dropping noodle knowledge here. I'd also argue it's knowledge that you've dropped before. And gaming... You're not doing very well, are you? And gaming curry, meshy, energy, ginger, keema curry. The gaming cup noodle is comprised of seasoned minced pork,

dubbed as mystery meat, weirdly. Why is it called mystery meat when it's on the package it's pork? It doesn't say pork on the package. It says mystery meat on the package, but they must have said... I mean, I'd have to translate it. They must have said separately in a press release or something that it was pork how would you legally get away would you say i've got mystery meat in mate i i don't know but it's a different market isn't it um is this only available i wonder in japan is it just for the japanese market or yeah but i've not heard of it coming

over here now i've got my opinions which after i get to the end of this i'll let you know okay uh mystery meat shrimp which means paul, will not be... For my allergies, prevent me from enjoying this one. Unfortunate. Yeah, really, I am, actually. Shrimp, egg, cabbage, garlic, and black pepper, with a pepper soy sauce-based sauce. Sounds quite nice. Yakisoba is delicious, really delicious.

While the gaming curry meshi features a fragrant and spicy roux with mild ginger and an onion, tomato, and pork based. This article looks like it was written by an AI. That's why I'm having trouble. It has probably been just thrown into a computer from a press release. It's not. Look, listen to this sentence. While the game in Karimeshi features a fragrant and spicy roux with mild ginger and an onion,

tomato and pork based. Yeah, no, it needs a few more words there. Yeah. Yeah, it needs a few more words. Bullshit. There you go. You should be ashamed, Hypebeast. Yeah, no, it needs a few more words there. Yeah, it needs a few more words. Fucking bullshit. There you go. You should be ashamed, Hypebeast. Yeah. Nishan's unorthodox

use of yakisoba noodles. The cup noodles is mixed with sauce rather than broth and allows gamers to eat without making a mess. So it's essentially like a stir-fried style. So you're not getting dribbles all over you. It's all more like just stuck to the noodle. They have a whole range of yakisoba ones, don't they?

In the black pots. Yeah. We've tried before range of yakisoba ones, don't they, in the black pots? Yeah. We've tried before on our Noodle Pot Blitz. We love those segments of the Noodle Pot Blitz. Just on that, Paul, very briefly, I've been in the shops recently. There's so many. It seems to be getting bigger as a thing.

And we're going to keep reporting on those on Cheap Show. Keep tuned here. Keep tuned to the Hot Noodle channel. For there will be another Noodle Pot Blitz. Coming soon. If you don't know noodle pot bits is where we taste several different pot noodle style products against my will really quickly and we give you a quick summary it's useful stuff yeah the nishin gaming cup noodle

energy garlic and black pepper yakisoba and see they keep repeating the names yeah it's just it's just those search engine optimization bullshit copy paste Copy-paste jobs, isn't it? And I bet they fucking Nishin paid for this as well. No, probably not. Probably not. Someone just formed it out. They got the press release, slapped it on. Oh, they are going to be, will be available in Japan. September the 18th they came out. Well, okay, that's not too long ago. That's not too long ago.

I'm going to open this just to give it a snuff. Because it's got numbers on. 1, 3, 2, which I'm imagining is like step 1, peel forward, pour a water. Step two, fold back. Number three, pull the whole thing. Yes, that's right. And I have the little man.

I'm going to use our little man, which is also a gift, to sit on top so that the heat stays in. Don't peel it all the way back, mate. Oh, you've got a little sauce. The sauce you add after. That's a bit fishy, that one. Oh, that's that dried shrimp. There must be a lot of dried shrimp in there.

There must be a lot of it in there. Now, that sauce, that's a wet sauce. So that's after we pour the water out. Look, it's got a little... Drainer. Yeah, that's what dried shrimp. There must be a lot of dried shrimp in there. There must be a lot of it in there. Now, that sauce, that's a wet sauce. So that's after we pour the water up. It's got a little... Drainer. Yeah, that's what it says. It's got a drainer. Great.

Look here. This one doesn't. No, because that, you absorb the water into the rice, don't you? Oh, this one smells much more nice. It's a curry. It's got a great big poos in it too. Oh, it's got a big lump of curry there. Oh, yeah.

Very lovely curry odour to that. Yeah. Paul, just one more thing on the fucking ridiculousness of this website. Okay, so that's the end. It says they're going to cost about two bucks each, these. Which is, yeah, expensive for that type of thing, slightly. Yeah, but not ridiculous. Not extortionate.

But if you're a fucking idiot gamer who thinks this will improve your fucking gaming lifestyle. Well, they've got caffeine in. This is the gimmick. This is the gimmick, isn't it? Have caffeine in, game all night, maybe have a stroke, because I know you could be necking Red Bull at the same time. Well, that's an interesting thing that you bring up, which I want to talk about, but

I just need to show you how fucking ridiculous this website is. So that's the end of the article, and it says, elsewhere in food and beverage. Alright? Listen to these words. Make a link. Listen to these, yeah. And this is the one link, right? Tesla China and McDonald's China recently unveiled the Cybertruck words like a link listen to these yeah go on this is the one link right go on tesla china and mcdonald's china recently unveiled the cyber truck inspired cyber spoons right god that could be

fucking anything what the fuck that is so ai generated cyber spoons mcdonald's tesla blah blah anyway cyber spoons i would like i'd like a bum spoon for scooping out the no i got the idea of what you might want one for yes scooping out the poopoo. No, I've got the idea of what you might want one for. Yes. Scooping out the poopoo, out the bumhole. Right, you've driven me to this. My name's Eli and I love scooping poop. You're my scooping poop baby. You're driving me crazy.

My obsession with my rectum. My arsehole friend. Paul, you mentioned that they'll be on the Red Bulls as well. Yeah. Now, cynical me, you know, they know they're going oh it's for gamers but i think what they're cynically trying to do is muscle in on the energy drink market because energy drinks keep going from strength to strength how many new brands have appeared in the last monster so many relentless is still going there's that hell one which used to be just one flavor and now they've got like six or seven different flavours all over London the stroke maker

yeah palpitation fizz do you agree with what I'm saying coke stroke that cynically they're not it's not about

producing a new kind of caffeinated noodle it's trying to get market share away from but also it is

away from energy drinks no but also it is appealing to the person who will sit in front of a laptop or a

monitor or gaming whatever for hours on end can't go into the kitchen to cook a meal and we'll just go kettle pour water job done it fits yeah to me i understand it's a market and it's target audience but to me this is like the worst thing you could offer a human being to eat conceptually it's like don't want to get up want to spend your whole life playing fucking zelda want to want to just have a stroke while you eat here you go

have this no because caffeine is not people who drink three to five cups of coffee coffee coffee

coffee coffee in a day caffeine a day coffee yeah they've got good lifetimes and it doesn't

so coffee itself is not going to give you a stroke I don't think and you're playing games that can probably stress you out you don't want to

mix Red Bull with this but that's why I'm saying Nissen is saying a big fucking line of Coke gamers aren't into Coke Nishan Coke noodle

I mean I would where it comes with a line of Coke across the top mate imagine it had a little sachet with Coke in yeah that'd be great you do it off

there's a little groove in the top to do the line off yeah and then you eat the noodles no you don't because then you have no appetite that's the problem that's the irony of the idea

right well we're going to pop into the noodle kitchen and we're going to make these and come straight back. We'll see you when these are prepared. Thank you very much. Exciting times. Exciting times in the house of noodle. And we're back from the kitchen. Eli, how was the preparation for you?

It was pretty smooth, Paul. Yeah, there's a lovely drainage panel on the noodle there. You pull a sticker off the top of the label and it leaves holes behind, which you pour the sustenance out. Which is great, which is a sort of commonplace in these types of noodles when they're fried style. And I didn't pick up because that article was so bad

and just an enemy of comprehension. Yeah. It's black garlic, which is the sauce pack on this is black garlic, which is, people will remember, one of my favourite noodles of all time, the Nishin Tonkotsu black garlic.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's basically the same stuff. And it's got a lovely almost burnt garlic. I was going to say, almost molasses-y. You know what I'm getting at though? That kind of dark treat. Oh, fuck off! Fuck off, you!

I'm sorry, that's not... I'm a noodle expert. That's all you'll ever be. That's all you're known for. Eli Silverman, the noodle man. That'll be on your grave. Paul, shall we get on with this? People come to your grave and put fucking cups of noodle there. I'm sorry.

I just didn't think that that garlic smells of molasses. I'm sorry. There's a burntness. Yeah, if that's what you're going for, I kind of get what you mean. But, you know, you have your moments with flavour, and sometimes you're off the mark. And I think you're a bit off the mark there. That's all I'm saying.

Also, worth pointing out, we did a bit of research while we were waiting for things to settle, and we found out that, actually, in Japan, gaming noodles is already a thing. Which surprised me. And it turns out that the article I was reading said they're actually surprised it took Nissan this long to join that part of the market. So even though they're the predominant cup noodle company, a couple of other companies had beaten them to this idea. I think they probably thought like they were above it. Probably, actually.

And then saw the sales figures and went, oh, well, maybe we'll join in. Yeah, crazy. We tried that Big Boss. Was it called? Not Big Boss, but there was that noodle, which was very much packaged like an energy drink, which we tried before, if you remember.

Oh, yes. We thought it was an energy drink thing. Maybe it was. Maybe it was. Maybe that was. That's what I'm thinking. I don't know. It wasn't made explicit anyway. So because Paul is allergic to seafood and fish,

he will not be tasting this. So Eli is going in. Give it a niff. I'll give it a niff. It's got a much less fishy niff now. It's got a nice garlicky niff. Yeah, actually, no. With that, it's very stir-fry-like.

Okay, but there are shrimps, whole shrimps in here. Nishin is so good at their dehydration game. It's so hardcore. Welcome to the dehydration game. I'm Noodle Forsythe. Nice to boil you, to boil you. Nice. All right, I'm going in.

All right, thank you. I was enjoying Noodle Forsythe or Bruce Noodle. Nah, Bruce Noodle sounds like a horrible clown. How is it? Nice. Nice and garlicky, salty. Yeah. Lovely noodles.

Texture's good. Yeah. Do it away from the mic because it's absolutely fucking disgusting to hear your slathering jowls clamped down on more succulent noodles. Oh, that is tasty. What's the mystery meat? Here's a little chunk of the mystery meat, Paul. Chunk of the mystery meat.

Which we know is pork. Pork. I don't understand why mystery is a thing. Chunk of the mystery meat. Which we know is pork. Pork. I don't understand why mystery is a thing. It's porky. What was Quell's surprise? Here's a little other dehydrated bit of sweet corn. Yeah, the bit I couldn't touch. No, that's the sweet corn. You could have touched that. No, I'm allergic to sweet corn. Should I find a shrimp?

Oh no, that's a bit of an egg. That's a bit of egg, not sweet corn. Oh, a bit of egg. Well, we were both wrong then, weren't we? Do you remember they had bits of egg in that American breakfast flavoured one we tried as well? Yes. Which wasn't very good, I have to say. This is much tastier than that. I will say the problem with that particular thing was it has what I would call the Pepsi effect.

Well, your first bite, you go, oh, that's all right. Yum, yum, yum. It gets sickly. Four or five in, you go, oh, I can't eat this. This is much, let me tell you, much tastier. Yeah. Shrimp. There's a shrimp.

There's the enemy of Paul. Right, how about a little dehydrated shrimp? Eat it. Shall I try that tastier. Shrimp. There's a shrimp. There's the enemy of Paul. Right, how about a little dehydrated shrimp? Should I try that? Yeah. Chewy. Chewy. Very nice tasting noodle. All right, so.

And you can't taste caffeine. You're not meant to taste caffeine, though. You know that they list caffeine in Coca-Cola and Pepsi as a flavourer. Right. A flavouring, don't they? I guess, but what does caffeine taste like in its rawest form? Don't talk over me. I've told you about this before. It's getting tighter. I was answering your question.

Yeah, but you just interrupted me then. Didn't let me finish a sentence D&T got to me. So I'm just going to quietly bring this up after the recording where I'll reprimand you in full with Mr Spank and his trip to Bottom Town. Oh, I'm looking forward to that trip. Ding, ding. Oh, I'm looking forward to that trip. Ding, ding.

Don't do that. Paul, to answer your question, I think it has a sort of sharp, bitter flavour. Right. Caffeine. And you're not sensing that at all? No. It's not like noodley Red Bull.

I can't tell you. I wouldn't be able to tell. Hey, here's the thing, though. Would you eat that on the regular? Even though it might keep you up all night. I would get this and have it in the morning. You could play your Mario game and beat that level that you can't do.

That really is. It's up to their standard of excellence. Right, shut up now. It's my turn to eat this one. This was the curry. What did you say it was called? Meshi. But doesn't meshi just mean meal?

I have no idea. It was really hard, like I say, to get any usable information from that terrible article. They should be ashamed of themselves. This, I really like this. It's got such a... It's got a very rich Japanese curry flavour, yeah?

Yeah. Coming on the nose. Yeah, it has that. Not quite katsu. It's a little bit more kind of, I don't know, gingery spicy than that. It's just brown rice. It's nice. Loopy rice.

Yeah, and I'm going to give it a go right now and tell you what I think of this flavour profile. Oh. Nice. Dirty nice. Really? It's a bit slop. Maybe had a bit too much water tell you what I think of this flavour profile. Oh. Nice. Dirty nice. Really? It's a bit slop. Maybe had a bit too much water in it.

I don't know. I don't know. I went up, there was a fill line. It's like comforty, but sort of... It's very comforty, this. Salty? Not... It's definitely salty.

You definitely got those little sparkles of salt in there. But... What's the heat level like? No, it's not very hot at all. I mean, it's not chilly hot, put it that way. Have a go. Do you like it? I don't know if I want to finish all that, especially, it's not very hot at all. I mean, it's not chilly hot, put it that way. Have a go. Do you like it? I don't know if I want to finish all that,

especially knowing it's doused in caffeine. You had enough. I think the caffeine thing gets in the way of me enjoying it. It's like, I like this, but if I eat the whole thing, am I just going to be jittery all night? Yeah, but you drink coffee all day anyway. No, but I stop at about five in the afternoon. Oh, do you really?

Yeah. Okay. I didn't know you... And then after that, if I want a coffee after that, I'll get a decaf in me. Okay, okay. I didn't know you... And then after that, if I want a coffee after that, I'll get a decaf in me. Okay, okay. I didn't know you had a cut-off, which is good if you...

I used to be one of these people who could drink coffee all the time. Yeah, me too. And go to sleep, but now it's catching up with me. I can't. If I have one late at night, I don't sleep well.

That's why we aggressively use lots of marijuana, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, lovely, classic Japanese curry. Oh, like... Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Very sweet.

Yeah. Has a sweetness to the top. A sweet curry, yeah. Ooh, lovely. It's really comfort food-y, isn't it? And the rice, the texture's good on the rice, isn't it? Nice and solid. It's not drippy.

I mean, as I say, I think it's a little bit overwet, but... Oh, mate, that's... Ooh. Yeah, that's just... I'm tipping my brain off and then shoveling it down for about five minutes before it's gone. The flavour on both of those is excellent. So now that Eli's had both,

we'll report back next week to see how many strokes he's had. You don't, caffeine doesn't give you a stroke. Yeah, it does. You don't trust mainstream media. Shut up. It's true, don't trust it. Trust the mainstream noodler. All right, maybe you have heart palpitations then.

How about that? No, that's not what happens with caffeine. What does it do? It does. It speeds the heart up, but it's not... It doesn't... They don't think it's a factor in strokes and stuff, unless you're drinking, like, 20 cups a day.

Isn't it, like, lethal to, like, drink just two tins of Red Bull, of Monster or whatever the fuck it's called? They have... Because they have incredibly high caffeine content and they've got lots of sugar as well. It's a different thing than just having a cup of coffee. Weirdo makers,

if you ask me. But they also, the other thing is, it's regulated differently in different parts of the world. The amount of caffeine you can put in an energy drink

or presumably a food product is very regulated. You only can have a certain amount. So there might not be that much in there at all, really. There could just be bullshit. It's probably the equivalent

to like a large cup of coffee or something in there. Maybe. Which is all you want. You eat it, you want to have the effect of one coffee. Yeah, I did a search online. It said how much caffeine is in one of these. And not a single article talking about it would tell me. It's quite contentious.

And in fact, you can read the same press release in all those different articles on all the different websites. In the end, they went to IGN because it seemed to be the only one that wasn't just regurgitating script but i definitely very much like this flavor profile would i have it all the time obviously not good i i don't know the fact that it's got caffeine in vibes me out tasty though very tasty such high quality um from nishan they're absolutely fantastic food company so like you know they talk about gamers and it's like oh you don't have to get up from your chair, eat this and you see

and it's good and the thing and you game and you drink. But on a big mission or whatever. But here's the thing, how far does that go?

Do you have like gaming like chairs with toilets in? I bet they do. I bet you they do. Can you stop eating when we're recording? Because then I have to edit around this

and rub, rub, rub, rub, rub. Can you just stop it? Can you just refrain? Or just go over here? No, just to put it down and leave it alone. It just refrain? I'll just go over here. No, just to put it down and leave it alone. It's delicious. I want to finish it. Put it down.

You got so angry. Put it down. Why are you so angry? Because we've had these discussions about radio audio etiquette. I'm just going to eat it here. No, I don't want you to eat it at all. You can wait two minutes and then you can feast on it. It's all your fucking jabber the hot delight.

You got real nasty the end of this one and we're having a good time because you never listen every single time you like when we're doing a food thing step away and then put it down until we finish the segment and then it's you fucking goldilocksing it all up poor did you receive some bad news or something during the break because you seem in a much, if that was possible, worse mood. More tetchy, did you? No. Okay. I just don't like it

when you eat on the microphone. And I hear it in my ears because I wear earphones, don't I? And then I go, hello, ladies and gentlemen. I just thought,

yes, I think you overreacted just slightly there. And it just gets right up my fucking ringer. I think you overreacted just slightly. No, I didn't. In fact, if anything,

I held my tongue more that you all ever know come on what was your favorite though the noodle slightly i mean i love that black garlic flavor but it's really tasty tasty very very tasty advantage the noodle has over is you've got different things in like the dehydrated cabbage shrimp you know there's a bit more of a meal And that's just a bit more like porridge or something. Rice porridge is what that's... I mean, this is definitely a comfort food fix. Yeah. At the end of the day, if I'm going to have a nis in anything, I'll stay away from these. I'll get one of their regular, nice flavours. Yeah, which are very good.

And also, they tend to have more nuanced flavours in them. Oh, yeah. But this is just as nuanced as... Really? Yeah. Alright, fair play there. I just don't know. For me, what did I just fucking say? And you just fucking shoved it in your mouth right now. You couldn't wait another minute. This is vicious.

You're like a fucking noodle shark. Just constantly floating around, scoffing noodles. You can't do it, can you? You literally can't do it. I can do it. We used a noodle man. Once your gullet is open, traffic is welcome Isn't it with you? That's a bit

Yeah? Do you want to talk cock right now? No I don't want to talk cock Good Look at the water That we poured off the noodle Yeah You don't often see that

That looks like pee pee It does doesn't it? Have a drink of it Not on the microphone! Oh that's so good Oh mate You should fucking taste this water I can't can I?

It's got Salty drainage water. I love it, man. Do you want some in your butthole? Get off the snackle. He's my snackle now. Is it your snackle? Yeah, you can't have a snackle.

You're going to keep the snackle? I'm going to keep the snackle. You can keep the snackle. Release the snackle. That snackle's had my finger up. It's where it's bummed. Mate, most soft toys we get on this show get defiled by your pinky

Or your dinky At some point That's good Hey you always come up With the gold At the end of the episode Don't you My pinky or my dinky

I like that Come on that's good That is good Long story short It's a positive Gaddafi taffy Long story short It's a pass for the Nissan

Absolutely Once again Proving why they're King of the crop. Now, can we end this segment? Thank you. Before I... I love noodles.

I say something I regret. Oh, no. Ding, ding. All right, now you've got me on side now. So, I got a bit of curry on the mic muff. That's a euphemism. That's a euphemism and a half, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, I've got some chunky curry on my mic muff.

A chunk of curry on my mic oh chunky curry on my knob end sorry meshy yeah it kind of really was anyway that was Cheap Show

for yet another week so look when it comes to YouTube videos dedicated pages for each episode links to our tickets in November for a

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And also every week we like to thank our patrons whose continued support allows us to make this podcast. And of course they send us the content. Thanks everyone. We really are nothing without their input. So thank you to everyone on Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. And depending on the tier you join us at, you'll get access to podcasts and video episodes

and magazines and behind the scenes stuff. All sorts of stuff. Moss and Sundry will be there for you too. Moss and Sundry. Moss and Sundry. What's that? Moss. Sounds like an indie act.

This is Top of the Pops number three with their new song, Violins of Agony. It's Moss and Sundry. I went to the corner shop and I bought a violin. Oh, it was a misery. And oh, a girl called Lynn who I like, who I like so much. And I like her, I like her, I like her so much. Dingle dangle.

Not my finest moment. I have yet to find that moment in itself. Ooh, not even a moment. Not even a finest moment. I have yet to find that moment in itself. Ooh, not even a moment. Not even a precious moment. I've got a precious dush dush. Not even a Martine McCutcheon precious moment is available. I've got a dush double dush. I keep looking at the tripod thinking there's a camera on,

but we've taken it off a while ago, so we're just staring at a tripod. Listen, I'm off to wank Eli off. I'll see you next week on Cheap Show. Bye. Bye, everyone.