CheapShow - Ep 355: Cocklenuts

Episode Date: October 20, 2023

Time is tight this week because Paul has no intention of spending hours editing the podcast when there is a trip to Los Angeles to plan! As a result, this is another one of those “real time” episode, one hour of solid, uncut, barely sensical, almost delirious, economy comedy action. What can they cram in to those precious 60 minutes? Well, firstly they try to guzzle down some unusual sodas. There’s a delicious new Mountain Dew to savour and Fanta have brought out another bloody “mystery” flavour? Can the cheap chaps figure it out? Of course not! Secondly, there’s a Price of Shite to tackle too! It’s rammed with awful items for Eli to guess the costs of. Finally, why is Paul acting like Eli and what is Cocklenuts? It’s a speed run version of CheapShow! So hold on tight, as once we start, we don’t stop until the hour is up! CheapShow Theme by @noiselund See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-355-cocklenuts And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter (we’re not calling it X) @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive CheapShow 300 Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Have you started it? Yes. Well, no, I haven't started the clock. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Cheap Show. This is the cold open to set up the pre-see of this week's episode. And this is that as we record this, we're a couple of weeks, a week or so away from Cheap Show going to LA.

So I just wanted to do a simple episode. And it's one of our patented Cheap Show real time, barely any edits, apart from sound levels and such. But other than that, it's a real time episode one hour as soon as we finish the credits that's not real time

then is it apart from the cold open then whatever comes after the credits is in real time you need to it's like the episode 24 bleep

bloop yeah but it's not really is it bloop no god let's start again no honestly

no hello ladies and gentlemen now due to the fact that our schedule's gonna get pretty busy in the next week or so we decided to make an episode that will help me

get one out that's not as good let's start again oh man Bodhi looking on shut up hell yeah shut up shut up Looking on. Shut up. Helly up.

Shut up. Shut up. Or this will be the fucking cold over. Helly up. Shut up. Let me do it again. Yeah. It's all staying in now, isn't it?

Ladies and gentlemen, hello. Welcome to Cheap Show. This is going to be a real-time episode because it will help me do less editing in a busy week leading up to us going to la to record some very special episodes so as a result the deal is we're going to do a real-time episode apart from sound levels and maybe bits and bobs this will be real-time unedited eli how you're feeling i'm feeling uh good about this pa. Ready to go for a good hour. I think we've got some interesting items lined up and we'll eat them, we'll taste them, we'll sniff, we'll touch. We're going to get as much in as we can in an hour.

We'll trim the little corners off and we'll go all around there. Right. I'm here. I'm present. He's already fucking losing his mind. No, I'm here. I'm here. This is the second episode we're recording today. And so we may be frayed. Let me put it that way.

Mentally frayed. Can I just say, can I just say, Paul? This is two minutes. One word. Go on. Heliob. Heliob, everyone. Heliob.

Welcome to Cheap Show. Press the fucking credits. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Organa. Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Jeep Show. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney, Chodney Borough. I hate you.

You've got to be using a posse. Cheap show tonight. Cheap show tonight. It's the price of shine. Cheap show tonight. Welcome to Cheap Show Start the clock The clock has been started Here we go

We've got one hour Real time Will it go beep beep beep? Yeah it will go beep beep beep And that's it Then you press the button Whatever the fuck's happening Whatever the fuck is happening

Whatever I'm saying Whatever I'm doing An extremely funny vocal improvisation thing Credits What if it's really funny though? Credits though What if it's funny though Paul?, Paul? Credits, though? What if it's funny, though, Paul?

Guess what? It won't be, so we don't need to worry about that. Ooh, I'm feeling a manic energy. Like I'm a redhead. And it's... It's all blowing. Salty. It's a second wind. Briny in the mist.

Here we go. Here we go down to the shore, Paul. Don't want to waste time. Another one of Eli's fucking gob whimsies. Gob whimsy. Gob whimsy. Do you want another gob whimsy moment, Eli? Or should you just crack on?

I'm in the bottom of the bag with the gob whimsies. What are you fucking talking about? Nothing. You're wasting precious real time. No, I'm not. We've got fuck all. Bloop. Bloop.

Bloop. Bloop. That's the name of that other song by Scots of St. James. We're not talking about that. They're a psych band, everyone, based in Clubland, the the area around st james it was known as that shut up now introduce the drink segment because we have to do that first because it's got ice in right we have a couple of soft drinks to taste here on a little 58 minutes left uh little and i've got some big ice cubes so they will be chilled, both of these.

I've got chilled glasses for drinking. Now, would you like to pass me that first one, Paul? Yeah. This is just a simple taste test. Ha ha, you thought I was shaking it up, and I wasn't. He was pretending to shake it up. And then I was going to go throw it to you, and you'd be like, no, mate, don't, you ruined it.

You are quite literally like an asshole at an 80s party. I'm the kind of carrot top of comedy. I'm a carrot top of radio comedy. I do this and I'm a whole new character. I ruffle a shuffle off me head. You do a ruffle a shuffle off me head. I tickle a toke, I ruffle a shuffle, a bit of a bonker day. You love it.

I do love it. That's why she let me do it. You can't though. Right. You haven't got I do love it. That's why I wish you'd let me do it. You can't though. Right. You haven't got a glass for you. You were in charge of glasses. Do you want me to go get you a glass? No.

You could drink out this jug. Yes, I'll drink out the jug. Are you okay with that? I'll drink out the jug. I took a little. Are you all right with that? It's quite heavy. I don't mind.

For the sake of purposes of what we're doing, it's fine. For the sake and purpose of what we're doing. For the sake of purposes, it's fine. Oh, look how big my ice cubes are. They're very big ice cubes. He has got full. I got this especially because I like... The big ones.

I like a mixed drink. Sometimes you just need one big ice cube, don't you? There are certain kinds of drinks. You don't want the dilution. No, you don't get that. No, you don't. So you got that. You don't want the dilution. No. You don't get that. No, you don't. So you've got that. You've got that.

I haven't got a glass either. I'm going to have to. What do you mean you don't have a glass? I didn't think about it. So you brought the ice in, but you didn't bring the glass. Yes. You stupid wretched. I'm not wretched.

How is that wretched? You wouldn't describe someone as wretched. I am describing you as wretched. That's how you describe a slave, Paul. I'm already out of breath. A slave. You'd call them wretched. No. Because you describe a slave, Paul. I'm already out of breath. A slave. You'd call them wretched because you're a big, bullying, narcissistic slave owner. All right, okay, how about this then?

You're a prick. Better. Yeah? A prick. You're a stupid prick who doesn't think things through. Thank you. You're a short-sighted idiot. Wretched has this whole other connotation.

I don't care. We're moving on from wretched. Good. You're a prick. Fine. You're an ignorant prick. I'm a prick. Do you want to get some glasses then? Not if you treat me this way. No, I don't want to're moving on from Wretched you're a prick you're an ignorant prick I'm a prick do you want to get some glasses then?

not if you treat me this way no I don't want to do it for you now go and get some glasses or carry on right now you have the choice well what are we going to drink the fucking shit out of? I was meant to drink a jug

and you can drink it out the can this is why I hate real time episodes all the fucking flops get to say it I will grab a couple of glasses can you hold the fort yes I will hold the fort he's off, he's leaving the house of ham and eggs pat mash ham and eggs now

and he's off down the corridor leaving you with me, how you doing I've got a tinned fizzy drink to wet my whistle but I won't drink it on the microphone we've also got a price of shite we're going to squeeze in this week. And I've got a secret sweetie treat for Eli as well,

which I think he might find fun. And then I've got a kind of charity shop showcase myself, but not really. I just brought it along. I'll tell you what it is, actually. It's called Word Mastermind. So you remember that game Mastermind where you have the little coloured pegs

and you've got to break the code and all that kind of stuff? This is the Word Mastermind version. Same concept, but with a word. And you know what? It's basically Wordle, isn't it? It's Wordle years before Yirdle. Wordle. Wordle, Nerdle. You've got how to

play. All the rules are on the back. We'll get into it a little bit later if we get through to it. But if we don't, at least I've mentioned it now, why Eli fumbles about in the kitchen with his sausage fingered uselessness that defines his character uh right it's 55 minutes left of the episode and i hope you're enjoying it i tell you what well this is pathetic uh eli brought some albums in and i tell you what oh we've got some great platters on on the way for you judging by what he's shown me. Seriously, one of them blew my mind.

I'll give you a little clue. Something to do with footballers. Yeah, we're tackling that. Oh, tackling a football gang. Help me, Eli. I can't do it on my own. Have you literally been talking all the time? I've been talking non-stop, Eli.

Don't worry, everyone. I'm back in the room. It's a real-time episode here on C-Channel. My saviour. Oh, I've got an excitement, Paul. A bristle and a whistle. I'm not going an excitement, Paul. A bristle and a whistle. I'm not going to do... I'm doing you.

A tikka-la-talk, a bristle-la-bristle, a chicken-a-jogga, we're done. No, we won't be doing that. Right. Hello. How's my sound level? Fine, go. Don't touch.

Carry on. I need to move it. All right. I can edit the sound out of you moving the mic. That's fine. So, two drinks. What do you want to do first? Well, let's do the Mountain Dew first

because I think that's the least special. It is seriously just another flavour of Mountain Dew. So let's just give our honest opinion on this one. Yeah, let's go for it. Here's a massive cube of ice that can't even get to the bottom of it. Wallop. It's big in. Big bollock.

It's not a big bollock. You said bollock, didn't you, just now? No, I said wallop. Wallop, it's a bollock. That's how you define douche douche in the dictionary. The douche douche dictionary. No, I don't think you define it that way. I'm now staring it in the glass with my fingers at warming.

Do you know what's in the dictionary under douche douche? What? Unzip this, unzip that. It's a shame I can't edit stuff, isn't it? Nothing, there's nothing there. I't edit stuff I had nothing You've got nothing I started that And I had nothing What is fucking wrong

With everyone It's crazy Fucking hell Oh mate There's I'm looking this up For the next drink But there's a whole thing

Going on There's a whole thing Going on What About Oh we'll get to it When we get to our next drink. About what? Oh, the Fanta.

Yeah. Foreshadowing? Although I might have mentioned it when you were out the room. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. Don't say foreskin shadowing. Mate, come on. Foreskinning, I was going to say. The foreskinning.

That'd be a great horror movie. The folk horror. The foreskinning. say actually The Forskidding that'd be a great horror movie the folk horror The Forskidding every moon every fourth blood moon of the cycle is the skinning you're here from

London you must be for the skinning they're pulling my foreskin back past Jesus God Jesus Christ

God and Jesus twang Mary she went to the dawn of skinning. Stop this. We can do a fucking folk, all right? Now.

Where's the fucking drink at? I don't know. You're doing it. Oh, it's behind that album. Okay, here we go. I didn't mention it. I mentioned that we've got some good albums coming. I didn't mention who it was.

I did pick up quite a good little haul. Can you stop doing that, please? I'm getting a really loud sound there. I'm sorry, because it's actually, like, to the finger, quite nice to touch. Nice to the finger? Nice to the finger. Come on.

You're trying to tap me into it. Come on, love. Be nice to the finger. Nice to the touch. Don't. Shut up, Eli. Okay. Now, can you, honestly, that is honestly extremely annoying.

Stop with the jangle of the ice and the jingle, which is one of the records, Norman Wisdom. Yeah, we'll get into that. No spoilers. Are you going to do that? We're going to do that this hour? No, we'll do it in another episode because I think Jingle Jangle by Norman Wisdom,

the mystery musical, is perfect for a full-on platter. Okay, fine. Fair enough. It is an LP. It's Mountain Dew what flavour? Baja Passion Fruit Punch. We've got 51 minutes left on the clock.

New, it says on the can. I'd hope so. With a blast of... A barst. Blast. A barst. As in a arse blast. A barst blast. A barst. As in a arse blast. A barst blast.

A barst. As in a pooey arse blast. Never winning awards. Go on. Pepper spray. Why do you always say that? Never winning awards. Because come on, mate.

It'd make it even less likely to win an award. If someone from an award is listening, and then you do that, you go, I don't even want it. You don't even want it. I'm not giving him an award. People from awards don't listen.

They just listen to the 15 minutes you're forced to edit together from a year's worth of content to judge you on those 15 minutes and not actually engage in the podcast directly to know what the overall quality is over a series of episodes getting to know the characters and such but no it's all based on a highlight reel that you have to pay to do fuck off we're not winning awards no more here are you suggesting that the podcast industry and indeed the sort of wider new media industry is sort of horribly crooked and sort of

I believe the established radio and audio industries have just created a whole new tier for podcasting for themselves to slap themselves on the back and award themselves with content they don't really engage in on a regular basis. Just throw a lot of money at something and then give themselves awards. Yes, that is what I'm fearing. I wanted you to

be clear about that, Paul. And this will be part of the highlight reel of this year's application to the British Podcast Awards. We don't apply. We don't apply no more. Oh. No more. Oh, the Baja nose.

Yeah, what flavour is that? I wasn't listening. There's a lot. It is Baja. Now, they've got a famous flavour, Mountain Dew, called Baja Blast. So I think it's a weird sub-brand within Mountain Dew called Barja Blast so I think it's a weird sub-brand

within Mountain Dew right do you see what I mean ish Barja like there's different kinds of Lucozade

there's Lucozade Sport for example which is a whole range of drinks under Lucozade but in a but no no

within a within a brand you'll have like a sub-brand. Mountain Dew Baja drinks coming from Baja Blast, which was their first one, which was a fruit tape. Shut up! This is actual stuff I know about Soda.

Was it made by Baja men? Who let the dogs out? Who let my plongs out? Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche. Who let my bloongs out. Douche. Douche. Douche. Douche. Douche. Let my blobs out. Pods. Pods. No.

Pods. Let my blobs out. Blobs. Douche. Douche. Douche. I heard pods and that's what made me laugh.

Well, pods or blobs, it's up to you. Come on, pour it out. Where's my ice? You've got your ice there, you cunt. Come on, hold it out. I'll do it.

I'll have to have some first. This is protracted and annoying. Oh, it's a strange colour. Where's my ice? You've got your ice there, you cunt. Come on, hold it out. I'll do it. I have to have some first. This is protracted and annoying. Oh, it's a strange colour. What colour is it? Lighter than I would have thought. And blue, which is a... I thought it was going to be purple. I thought it was going to be a purple drink.

A lot of people don't choose blue. It is purple, sorry. It is. It's lilac. It's a very light purple. It's almost like an infrared purpley colour, isn't it? Oh. Right.

What do you think of the colour? Yeah, it's very light. Well, it's a nice colour, but it also does remind me of a disinfectant. It looks like the mouthwash that they give you at the dentist. Yes. Totally, with the little swirly bowl. And it's also like the mouthwash they give you at the dentist, and not the mouthwatch they give you at the dentist.

Just thought I'd throw that out there. I'm on mouthwatch. Yeah, you are. I am. You fucking are. Eli's on the permanent mouth watch. Yeah, you are. I am on mouth watch. You fucking are. Eli's on the permanent mouth watch. Shut up, everyone.

Shut up. Let's drink this. Give us the niff, Nike. I need the niff report. The niff's actually quite nice. The niff's quite floral. Quite floral and like flowery,

but in a nice kind of gin way almost, like a gin blossom-y kind of way. Botanical is what you're saying. A sort of, almost herbal. Yeah.

Let's taste it. Remember to do it away from the microphone. Cause I'll kill you. You've been rattling your eyes like a cunt. Yeah, but that's better than the slipple, sloppel slurps of a man's mouth. Stop.

You must stop that. Let's, I'll make a concession to you. You're loving it though. I know, but I can't go on when you do it yeah but I love my yakety bakety spacks

shut up I love it this drink's lovely I just want to say that now I love this drink I love it it's really refreshing yeah it's not bad

I'm looking for more of that citrus that tartness that real passion fruit has maybe but that's gone totally for the floral herbal stuff and you like that a lot it's like elderflower a bit isn't it a little bit like elderflower it's a sweeter kind of almost banana version of that it's very kind of candy floss like but floral it's really sweet nice it's really sweet yes but i would get tempered slightly but i want more temper i want more of that that it's no more sweet than pepsi i want it to be more citrusy

more more tart on the back end you know what i mean i do know what you mean by a bit more tarty on the back end not bad what would you give it out five you think oh 3.75. Okay. Am I allowed to use the decimal system? I'd go for just a flat 3, I think. Not too bad. Wouldn't choose it.

I think I'd choose something else. Alright. I'd choose something else. Nice drink. Next one. You just drink Coca-Cola normal anyway,

don't you? Yeah, but that's your only thing that you drink. My major favourite soft drinks are regular Coke, original,

and Dr Pepper, and... Oh, you like Dr... You like a straight-up Dr Pepper? Yeah. I love Dr Pepper. Oh, baby, do I love it.

Oh. A Pepper Coke, or whatever they call it, artificially. What did you say they were called? A Pepper Coke. No, they're known as

Pepper-style drinks, or something. Pepper sodas. Which is fucking weird as well, because it's got nothing to do with pepper. No, the connotation that you would assign it to Popper... Pepper Pop something. Pepper sodas. Which is fucking weird as well, because it's got nothing to do with pepper. No, the connotation that you would assign it to popper. Pepper popper.

Pepper popper. Pepper isn't what you would associate with the flavour of Dr Pepper. It's got nothing to do with pepper. It's got absolutely nothing to do with pepper. But you know, chilli peppers are only called chilli peppers, because they were looking for peppercorn. Right. Do you see what I mean?

Yes. So look, let's get on to the next one, because I'm a bit honestly lost with this ongoing Fanta gimmick. Now we're on to the Fanta, everyone. Second soda. This is another of their mystery flavour bottles. Their mystery meat drinks.

That I saw, I believe, in the fish and chip shop across the road from me. Which is a great fish and chip shop. What's the sell-by date for that, by the way? And it's a sticky one. I don't think this is going to be good. Well, yeah. This is going to be out of date.

I personally am prepared to drink soda that's out of date. Come on. What's the worst that can happen? No, I'm not on about... You could poison me to death. No, no, no. My concern is,

depending on what country and what time of year maybe is a different promotion than the uk's mystery drink did we ever get a conclusion to the ones have we done two of these now we've done two we never figured out what the second one was because i couldn't keep track of because they would not they would never just go and here's the announcement what they would do is release like four fucking videos teasing what the next one's going to be and at the end you just get lost in the video fog. So the fantasy releases mystery flavor. Do you know what year that is?

Because this article that I'm looking at is... I can't even see. Mental Floss has done an article. Where is the date on one of these? Apparently, last year, when this article was released last year, it was a blue mystery drink. That was the one we had,

blue, right? This is lilac. This is a very similar colour to the... But we had the blue. Mountain Dew. But this is milky looking. Look, Paul, it's cloudy.

Yeah. It's opalescent. It actually looks like the drink we just drank, but much thicker in colour. That's, yeah, what I just said, but you weren't listening. I wasn't listening.

It's fine. So, apparently the blue mystery drink was revealed to be raspberry and lychee. Eh. But I don't listening so it's fine so apparently the blue mystery drink was revealed to be raspberry and lychee but I don't know if that's the same blue drink we had

we didn't have a blue one I thought ours was pink that was the one we drank in the park when we were doing a golden quest or whatever it was so then they had another one

what was the Fanta blah blah blah after a few swigs the tongue went black what really black that can't be right yeah they have that around Halloween they have black Fanta don't they that makes the tongue went black. What, really? Black? That can't be right. Yeah, they have that around Halloween. They have black Fanta, don't they?

That makes your tongue go black? Yeah. Okay, but that's not the question I'm asking for. Well, don't. You'll find the answer. Let's just taste it first and then look online. I'm looking online now so we don't waste time and it's just confusing. What do you mean waste time? Fanta turns purple with new

Fanta flavour hunt. Yeah, and don't look at the answer because you want to have a guess, don't with new... Yeah, they... What, the Fanta flavour hunt? Yeah, and don't look at the answer because you want to have a guess, don't you? I guess, but I also want to know there is an answer. Well... Because this article that I'm reading is from April 2023.

I'll just play the game then. Don't tell me and I'll just play the game. No, I'm not going to look on a link. I was just trying to find a link that might tell me. I can't see one yet. I was literally about to say the only article I can find right one yet. I was literally about to say,

the only article I can find right now was Yorkshire Evening Post. It was in April 2023. So, we had that blue one, didn't we? Yeah. But wasn't the one we had before that, which was a mystery drink as well? It's why you lose track.

We did Mountain Dew. No, wasn't there a Fanta, which is like a kind of... Voodoo. Remember that? Yeah, but that was good, wasn't it? Phantom which is like a kind of... Voodoo. Remember that? Yeah, but that was good, wasn't it? That was much better. Yeah.

Because they told you and also there was a little clue on the artwork. Phantom would never do anything that classy, would they? But I'm sure there was a Phantom before the Blue Phantom which was also a mystery Phantom drink.

I'm sure we did it on the show. I'm sure that Blue one was not the first one that we... I think we've done two Phanta's, haven't we? This podcast has been going for fucking years. Now, are you ready? It's getting like the fucking notebook in here. Are you ready for the milky purple? Give me the milky purple, yeah.

Let me just get a bit of water out of my glass from the quickly melting ice. Yeah, I'm going to use a different glass altogether. I'll open it while you're doing that. But make sure you get the fresh nose coming off. I'm going to get it. That's when the smell really goes up your nose, see?

I can't smell much but like plasticky stuff. Oh, no. When did you get this bottle out of interest? Yesterday or whatever. Right. From the fish and chip shop, but it might be well out of date because they've just found it in the back of their fish and chip shop. I can't find anything on the nose there. it in the back of their fish and chip shop. I can't find

anything on the nose there. I think the smell of the bottle or the plastic. Yeah, it smells like plasticky rot kind of thing. It does, doesn't it? In fact, the drink

smells a bit rotty too. Oh dear, Eli. We may come up with a blunder here. Well, I'm going to have a tentative sip. It smells a bit like stale paper or something.

Or like melted plastic. Yeah. It's weird. It's a bit on the nose actually inative sip. It smells a bit like stale paper or something. Or like melted plastic. Yeah. It's weird. It's a bit on the nose, actually, in the glass. It's a bit, well, funnily enough, candy floss-like. Or vanilla ice cream. Oh. Mmm.

Got a bit of fizz on the mic there. That was quite nice. That's a bit, yeah, still fizzy. Right, I'm going to have a drink. It is a bit vanilla. I'm getting apple or pear. Oh. I'm not

a fan of that. No? Go on, you have a go. I'm not saying anything to you about a Yorgo. Oh yeah, that's definitely a cream soda thing there. It's a cream or a vanilla ice cream. Because they've got to do a fancy flavour. And then that empty aspartame on the back right at the back end yeah horrible that taste it's almost like it it's a vanilla ice cream that falls into a shit apple pie cider yeah yeah there's a sort of sourness at the back the kind of almost savory sourness you know like a yeah it's almost salt

watery yeah that's fucking horrible you know the salt watery thing you mean yeah you know like a yeah it's almost salt watery yeah that's horrible you know the salt watery thing you mean yeah you know i mean yeah the finish yeah that's that's actually really quite horrible that's not terrible terrible but can i find an answer coca-cola website uh what's it saying here can you solve it blah blah blah this year, blah. This year, flavour hunt. Blah, blah, blah. Successful past... Oh, it doesn't tell you anything. Oh, come on. It doesn't tell you anything. That was like...

Just fan to hint at what's in its mystery flavour, says the Yorkshire Evening Post. Right, so blah, blah, blah. I think apple pie. I think it's apple pie flavour. With custard. Yeah. It's kind of like that.

Which is horrible. Apple pie and ice cream. Now, some people have been guessing online. They say cheesecake. Yeah, that's the thing. That savoury, what I'm saying, that sort of sour savoury is almost a bit cheesy. Cheesecake, I'm just

reading the article verbatim right now. Cheesecake seems to be on the right track as many of the comments that mention the dessert have been praised by the Fanta Instagram page. In response to one on the right track as many of the comments that mention the dessert have been praised by the fanta instagram page in response to one of the commentators getters of blueberry cheesecake the fanta team replied sounds delicious but it is incorrect it's really close have another go so by theoretically like apple pie and custard and wasn't a bad guess was it dessert definitely someone said it could be vanilla cheesecake which case the brand says was much closer to the actual flavour. They responded,

now that is a guess that it's heading in the right direction. And then the article pretty much ends. Yeah, with the vanilla. There's obvious vanilla in there, isn't there? Definitely vanilla. Yeah. But that's why I'm thinking, if I was going to make a stupid, dumb fucking fantasy drink,

oh yeah, I would maybe call it ice cream, vanilla ice cream with like apple pie or something I don't think they put cheese the cheesecake is that what that sort of savoury nasty thing at the end is

but that to me was a bit more apple-y like you know like a someone saying here they think it's strawberries and cream no

I could see that though it definitely isn't but I could see where they're getting that from but then then there's just YouTube and TikTok videos,

all people guzzling it down and going, I think it's berries or something, you know. So we don't need to really go into that. We've done our own there. But I don't think there's an answer yet. I don't think there's an actual answer to this yet. How much longer of this shit do we have to do now? Well, let's have a look.

38 minutes left on the clock. No, I've run out of energy so bad. I tell you what, I've got a little thing that might pep you up. Really? I put a little whistle in your step. A whistle in my step? I mean, quite literally, a whistle in your step. Which may whistle?

So, events sent us that stuff, right? The noodles. And in there was also a little bit of a surprise. The gaming noodle that we did on this week's episode. It's like whistling candies. Last week's episode. The week before that episode. So, yeah, little Whistling Candies.

They're little candies that look like polos but with a very narrow hole so you can blow through them. Hand them over, mate. And there's something at the bottom which could be some kind of like Pez-type candy. Oh, mate. I'm trying to open this. Mint on card. Hole's not even been punched.

Mint on a card in a blister pack. How do you get the fucking things out? We need scissors for this. Mate, I's mint on card. The hole's not even been punched. It's on a card in a blister pack. How do you get the fucking things out? We need scissors for this. Mate, I'll... Give it to me. Oh, no, wait. You can just fold the folds over.

Yeah, look, I got ahead of myself. Yeah. Oh, that's got a lovely action. There you go. Folding it back. You got way ahead of yourself, mate. I think it's a strawberry

kind of chalky candy. It's very hard. Yes, it looks like a overweight polo mint, doesn't it? A chubby polo. A chubby pink polo mint. God, that just writes itself. I'll tell you what, last night...

I got the chubby polo. Chubby pink polo. Fucking hell, you should have seen the chubby pink polo. All right. Fucking hell. Calm down. All right, we get it now You've painted a very vivid fucking picture

It was winking at me in the dark I'm going to put this in my mouth And see if I can get it whistling You fell in half You just swallowed my pudgy pink polo Oh he took my pudgy pink polo Right in, he took my pudgy pink polo right in his mouth. These are quite nice

and it's very easy to whistle. They're strawberry flavour. Yeah, no one needs that, Paul. No one needs that noise. Did it break in half? Yeah. Yeah, mine did. Very crumbly like those old lollipops.

Yes. Oh, I like that. What's this box for? It doesn't have... Oh, it's got something in it. It's got something in it. We think it would. No.

No, it's extra candy. No, it's a toy. Oh, is it? Yeah, a little badge. Oh! It's a note, a musical note on a wavy...

wavy quaver. But it's not a proper badge. It's like a little plastic thing little plastic catch yeah oh yeah semi-cleft

or whatever it's called I like that that can go in my tray of many things it's got a bit of kinder action to it kinder surprise yeah

they do a lot of that don't they yeah is it Japanese yeah don't we think yes well because Aven said it was

so I'm only going by that. Oh, look. Little living strawberries on the back that look like devils. In my mental state. Laughing devils on the back of the pack. The giggling strawberry. The foreskinning. Right.

Do you want to do more food? Do you want to do the nuts? Are you coming to the foreskinning tonight? The foreskinning. Oh, nuts. You're told. Me nuts. Me nuts.

Right. So Eli has presented some KP flavoured called Cravers on here. But Eli, elaborate. That must be their little new branding thing. But they're just nuts. Yeah, but they'll have a new range of flavours known as the Cravers. Why do I have to explain this to you? We've been doing this shit like the barger thing with the mountain dew it's a little sub brand within a parent brand doesn't seem necessary just call them steak

flavored peanuts oh spoilers these are steak flavored peanuts everybody steak flavored peanuts now we on this um on this show before we've discussed paul we are discussed yes ready not dry roasted yes we have which we discovered when we covered them um that don't look at me like we were going to do an innuendo and we both realized we couldn't get there easily um well covered them in our spunk yeah well i mean yeah but that's two words it would have taken a bit of three words in our spunk yeah but it would have been a little bit awkward to kind of make that work conceptually we discovered that uh oh god it's a real-time episode can you please dry roasted dry roasted peanuts yes were invented in the 80s. Yes. The actual flavour category of peanut. Yes.

So, peanuts, unlike potato crisps, Paul, have a much shorter history of taking on the flavour of some other food, which is crisp territory. In recent years, what have we seen? Chili peanuts? Yeah. You get those. Lime.

Yeah, in Britain. And we've seen also salt and vinegar right so the point I'm trying to make is I don't think someone said let's flavour them KP are getting this

steak idea from steak they're getting it from steak flavoured crisps right you see what I mean you know what I mean because they can see

they see that the McCoy's for example tap on my watch mate McCoy's have got a very popular steak flavour tap on my watch what's got a very popular steak flavour. Tap them or watch. What's that McCoy steak flavour?

McCoy steak flavoured crisps. I think they're having a moment, a popular moment. So I think they're trying to jump on. But don't KP own McCoys as well, I believe they do. I don't know. Perhaps they've got a huge amount of steak flavour that they made by accident. And they're like, we're doing steak everything. And we also did it by accident as well.

Accident. Shut up. I've had an accident. I've got a really proud accident that happened. Oh mate, great. You make a mistake. Accident. It's been an ass incident. Right.

Just give me your steaky nuts. So they're steaky nuts. Have you got anything to say? Rib eye. They are flame grilled steak. So there's going to be... The issue is, I just don't see the point

of saying they're called cravers. When all you're doing is just flavouring nuts. Just call it steak flavoured nuts. To compartmentalise it into some kind of trendy brand only signifies its longevity is not much. Well, they're testing

it out, aren't they? Chini-dog-dog-reckety-buff-buffs. Come on. Flavour cravers. Yeah, they could basically, if this is a hit, isn't it a hit? They can keep it. Does it say if there are any others available in the range on the back? It doesn't. Like ketchup and spoff.

Where else could they go with peanuts? Hey, have you ever had a fishy nut? Right, shut up. I'm opening this. Seriously, though. Fishy peanut? No. You don't think you could do it like a kind of fish finger flavoured nut?

No, the whole concept is turning me off. Even steak I find a bit weird. Crab nuts. Crab nuts. Lobster nuts. Lobster flavoured nuts. What else from the sea? Cockle nuts.

Cockle nuts. Yeah. I am cockle nuts from the future. Ooh. The nose on these nuts. I had a new character on the go then. No, it's... Cockle nuts.

An android from the future. Hello, cock these nuts. I had a new character on the go then. No, it's not. Cockle nuts. An android from the future. Hello, cockle nuts. Hello, Eli. So, what news do you bring from the future that I need? Eggs have wings. See you next week. That's not a... See you next week.

What, eggs always have wings? Eli, don't question cockle nuts from the future. I won't listen to cockle nuts. Everything I say is true. You'll die in the future. I've seen how you die. We'll all die. I've seen how you die specifically. It's terrible, Eli.

I don't care, cockle nuts. It's so tragic and sad. Shall I explain it in detail, Eli? I don't want you to. I am cockle nuts from the future. Don't fuck with me. I'm not trying to fuck with you, mate. I'm just saying go down the river. I am cockle nuts from the future. Don't fuck with me. I'm not trying to fuck with you, mate. I'm just saying, go down the river. I am cockle nuts.

Get in that boat you came in. Poof, poof. It's a steamboat, Willie. I am from the future. Please, cockle nuts, I implore you. Simpsons is still on in the year 20-clack-clock-clack. Smell these nuts for me man I will No not you

No sorry cockle nuts You're gone Leave cockle nuts Get back in the boat I already told you He's in the boat Chuff chuff he's gotten in Chuff chuff

Give me some nuts How long's left of this fucking episode? I'm getting bored now Chuffney parlour Why Eli You'll be glad to know we're halfway. Are we? Yeah, we're halfway done. And that includes wrapping up, so we've got to get that in.

Give us your nut huff. There is now. I've gone in for the huff three or four times on these nuts now, Paul. There is a steak. It's that smell of steak crisps. May I? Very savoury on the nose. Mother, may I?

And also, they smell a lot like... He's getting the half powder up. They smell a lot like dry roasted peanuts on first whiff. But then behind that, you can see... Oh, yeah. It's got that very familiar, well, steak crisp flavoured... Oh, you got that. You didn't get dry roasted. I got dry roasted

first. That's definitely there, but that you know, that seems like the McCoy's steak crisp thing. It is, it's the same isn't it, obviously. Which is similar to that fucking, oh here's a monster munch pickle flavoured cake, you know, normal crisp from Walker's. Yeah. You're just sprinkling your shit on something else. Yes. It doesn't work.

Right, eat away from the microphone, please. Mmm. Mmm. Yeah. Mmm. We've got to keep talking because it's real time. We can't have silence,

can we? Tip ship. Well, I can't eat. Oh, you put too many nuts in your mouth. I've got to chew it off. Yeah. I'll put some music in.

Na, na, off. Yeah. Put some music in. No, no, no. No. Make my dreams come true. Oh, God. I just drank a load of that Fanta to get the nut down. Oh, mate, no. I've still got the Mountain Dew down here.

I was clever. Oh, you've got the can. Sly bust. Give me some of that Mountain Dew. Go on. It's a lovely drink. I might buy more of this do they still make it yeah now i got that in the shop the other day

mountain dew got all sorts of different flavors that's what i'm telling you there that one might be one of my new favorites i don't really like mountain dew but that has tickled me considerably there you go i think um bar jar is their caffeine free range because the mountain dew is like it's sold as an energy drink these days, isn't it? Because it's got really a lot of caffeine, which is why it became really popular with gaming nerds or whatever. I guess.

I don't really know. It was big. It had a big cult sort of gaming nerd thing moment, didn't it? Maybe in the 90s. Because it was like Mountain Dew was very much a 90s. Well, I don't know the history of Mountain Dew. We may have covered it.

I've forgotten. But I'm gathering it's older than that. It's older than the 90s. Yeah, but it had a moment in the 90s... Well, I don't know the history of Mountain Dew. We may have covered it. I've forgotten. But I'm gathering... It's older than that. It's older than the 90s. Yeah, but I had a moment in the 90s. In the 90s, it became kind of

the hyper 90s product, didn't it? Mountain Dew was... Like Sonny D. It was part of that 90s what-the-fuck-are-you-drinking phase. Right, what else can we do?

No, it's nice. I mean, and I've just put it up against the Fanta. Yeah. And that Fanta is horrible. Horrible mucky muck muck.

Can we win something by getting it right though? I don't think anyone does, do they? They just say, oh, that's what it was. But that's what it

was next year, something different. Well, we'll come back to you guys when we know what it was. We'll forget. And then I won't

follow it up. I couldn't find the one from the blue, so I'll never know. Stop it. Stop. Oh, stop it. Right, so, do you want to do

your charity shop showcase now, Daddy-O? Okay. Or do you want to do Price of Shite? Oh, we've got a whole Price of Shite to get through. Yeah, we have to rush through it, though. It's a speed round. Ding dong ding. I think we should do the Price of Shite, because that can be really quick. Let's just get the meat out. Right. The meat of this rest of this episode.

Unfortunately, I can't play this because i had to see the scores because the way it was written down you know those you know we've got unanswerable betwings the sweetest kind yeah so i can get betwings and no one else can have them no one else can have them i mean you could potentially get no betwings at all right now unless i get a donut unless i get a donut all the betwings are mine and everyone looks at me and they say, Eli, you are great as you've got a betwing today.

And they say, Eli, here's a plate of lots of nicer things. I eat them up like a little mushroom. Right, shut up now, because obviously you have trouble as well filling when I'm not available to speak. I was enjoying that for once in my fucking life for once in my life

I got something to snuggle on right oh here we go fucking Goldie looking horn that was last week get over it two weeks ago mate

right two weeks ago one week ago you prick you prick it's only two weeks ago from the record no it's not even no in terms of timelines

in like time and relative dimension that happened like an hour ago in terms of podcast time it was last week you slack mouth so there's no there's no fortnightness to it

so shut up oh you've just ruined the energy of this episode no I haven't ruined I have not ruined the energy you've boff boffed it right

is this it. Is this it? Is this it? Oh, hang on. Is this a bespoke price of shite that's been sent? It's been sent in the PO box and it comes with a letter.

I need to just double check something so I'll make sure I've got the right answer. Oh, those are the betwings. That's the betwing envelope you're opening. Look at him. He loves it.

He's so used to going in the betwing, delving straight into it, looking, cheating. Cheating me out of the betwing the between, delving straight into it, looking, cheating, cheating me out of the between. No, I'm not cheating you, am I? I don't care if you win or lose. To me, it's how you play the game.

Right, so here's the letter. I'm going to stick this down here. And it says thus. Do you have a pen and paper? Don't worry about it. You always need pen and paper for this, Paul. How about you go fetch it while I read the letter out

so I can do it uninterrupted. I don't get to hear the letter then, do I? You listen when you listen back to the episode. I sometimes don't listen back. Yeah, I know. You don't listen when you're here either.

When are you here? Who's this? When are you present? I'm present right now. Granddad Eli losing his mind doing all the drinkadoo find his time

he's gonna die a lonely death covered in spoffy weft no i'm not spoffy weft death right shut up twat dear paul and eli i was introduced introduced to your show by my friend jeff who you may remember him as one of the one who got the sign a picture of noel edmunds at the last gig live oh last dig last Digi Live. I vaguely remember that. I have listened to every episode, oh, you bugger,

since the first lockdown. This was while working in a shit chemical factory. Christ. Who ripped the public off, selling them overpriced hand sanitizer. They weren't big fans of the PPE either. So when filling powder dyesyes it would stain your skin okay i looked like a smurf for three days it stained so bad so they had to dye some stuff and

oh god and blue christ so i'm glad our podcast got you through that then um sounds not good with the help of a couple of my kids, we have done a price of shite. Ah, and we have picked the shite up at a place called, I think it says Emma's in Bedfordshire. This is for Eli now, I guess. Usual rules apply, but one item was free

because the bloke at the till couldn't be bothered to scan it. So the price, the window that you're in, well, the limit is £5.10 was what it all costs combined right £5.10 is the

ceiling is the actual price in fact I'm guessing yes look forward to seeing you at the night of DigiLive yes you will see us at that

cheerful earful show can't wait and who is that it is from Danny thank you Danny thank you very much Dannyy now i hope your kids aren't too young here's i think danny just got the kids to help pick the items but not they're

not big fans of the show i don't i don't i would presume kids wouldn't listen to that wouldn't be good no that would not be good kids listen to this now do you need a pen and paper because you have to write down my guesses go on didn't think of that, did you? You're having a massive go at me about the glasses at the beginning of the episode. I've got a pen. I can do it right on this. Oh, yeah, but I still have to get you a pen, don't I? Stop just looking.

You're just like, there's a pen somewhere. Yeah, there is right here in my hand. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, why didn't you get it then, you twat? It doesn't matter, does it? Right now, I've just proved you wrong, even without being prepared. I was more prepared than you. Prepared. So, how about that, Eli, you big stinky dick?

Stinky dick? Right. I'm just saying what you say now, sort of back at you. Yeah? Paul is great. I won. Go on, repeat that. Repeat when I said Paul is great.

I wouldn't repeat that. Why not? You just say, I'm going to repeat everything you say now. Only when you say something amusing. Item number one. Item number one. Item number one. Ah! Ow!

Well? That's not fair. It's not fair. Ow! Yeah, you see what I mean? Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, okay, so just pass it. Oh, you missed.

No, I didn't throw it at you. Because if I would have... Oh, shut up. Hard man, Paul. You'd be picking that out from your teeth fuck you this is

god Paul go on you're ruining the energy by introducing actual physical violence into the arena it adds a bit of

sexual frisson it does not maybe in your panties yeah it is you might get the big denim rub down no mate my chub's on full

blubber mode right now. It's churning out content, if you know what I mean. Churning out content. Yeah. Colin, this is a nice item, actually. Despite your toxicity and violence, this is a nice thing. Colin's gem. It's a little book.

Tiny little book. Pocket book, you could say. Colin's gem. 20 minutes left of this week's episode. Mushrooms and Toadstools photo guide. I like this a lot. So this means you can pick up mushrooms and not pick the bad ones that kill you.

It's a little mushroom guide and yes. That's good. I like that. It's handy, isn't it? You like mushrooms, don't you, Eli? I do. I really do. Does it have all the psychedelic ones because you think you'd put them in there it will have some native

there's not many psychedelic mushrooms that grow here liberty caps being the big ones okay but when people take sort of mushrooms on the illegal market or whatever they're usually kit grown which is cubensis spores which are

they send you the spores which are um they send you the spores and you grow them in a in a little box sort of thing yeah but there are liberty caps that grow wild all across northern europe and this is the time of the year for to actually pick them well that's what we're doing on next week's episode of cheap show we're going picking for drugging which was my first experience with psychedelic mushrooms. Oh, really? Was having picked them myself, yeah. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? It's like one of those strawberry places. Well, I didn't actually.

That's a lie, actually. My mate got sold some. It was a Wednesday night. Why would you lie that I got them myself? No, it was around that time I did pick a huge batch around that time. How much do you think the book is, Mr. Seltzer? The point I was going to start with is they will list them, but they won't say gets you high.

They'll say inedible or poisonous. Do you see? Just to put people off. Guaranteed to rip your mind's eye wide open. This is the good shit. Have this one. But you don't want to encourage that because I've told you that story before. People who don't know and just are flippant and gung-ho about just picking

mushrooms and seeing if they're psychedelic you could literally kill yourself yeah so if you do decide to go wild mushroom picking make sure you know what you're fucking doing yeah and if you don't do it don't do it at all don't be a prick i was much younger then when i was picking yeah how much then do you think that book is gonna cost oh five ten how many items oh good question let me double check because they're in the bag but i don't want to rustle through so let me just go to the answers so there's five items remembering that one of them is free okay but there's no neat there's no way of knowing which is free because they said they just could be asked to scan it i mean that's i was going to say as

well that's something i love about charity shop shopping sometimes because the people there are volunteers and like sometimes they just let you off stuff because they can't be hard because they're quite old as well i mean and you're not going to argue with them because then it just prolongs the whole thing the whole thing you know i mean i'm perfect obviously if i take something up to the counter i'm prepared to pay whatever it costs because I'm buying stuff but then sometimes I'll throw that in I've put this down as £50

it's not ok, it's only a fiver I just want to pay a fiver do you have a change of £45? no why don't you die? have I told you about that charity shop when I was buying singles and the person couldn't figure out how much it would cost

and started doing the maths with a pen on the cover of the single. Weird. Anyhow. Now, because one of these items is free, I will allow you to go back at the end of this and maybe change your mind about what was free or whatever.

How many items are there? Five. One of them is free. So if we get to all five, you can go back and you can change your mind and say that one's free. So on average, they're about a quid each. One of them is free. So if we get to all five, we can go back and you can change your mind and say that one's free. So on average, they're

about a quid each, but no, one is free. So there's four. They're all about £1.25 each. On average, I guess, yes. Having not seen any of the other items, I don't

know where this is in the range. Are we in London, outside London, far away? It's Bedfordshire, isn't it? Up the wooden hills to Bedfordshire.

Isn't that what Danny said? All the best, Danny. Bedfordshire. Bedfordshire. Okay, outside London. I'm going to say 75p for this one, Paul. But I can go back and have another look.

Once you've done all five, you can review if you want to drop one out and call it free. Come on, get the other item out. We haven't got long to go here. There's a lovely thing. It's a little dolly. No, it's not a dolly. It's a I actually do quite like this. I'm getting into kitsch. I know you are.

I'm going to put this on my drawer. I like kitsch. Did you see my melty dog thing? Yes. This is a little girl holding a bouquet in some kind of ceramic with a blue yellow dress no a blue sort of what is that apron apron full shawl i don't know whatever she's got an eight blue apron over a yellow dress yes and it's a disturbing kitschy thing that i hate it's a bit

too the painted job isn't great it's a bit too horrible and cheaply made yeah i could go for that subject if it was a bit better quality if it was a kitschy subject but. It's a bit too horrible and cheaply made. Yeah. I could go for that subject if it was a bit better quality. If it was a... That kitschy subject. But that's just... A bit... It's a bit grubby looking.

You know what I mean? That blue hasn't been well... But how much is the question, Eli? I mean, is there a maker on the bottom? No, it's that cheap. You know what I mean? Where it just says foreign.

There's not even any mark. It's like really awful. Awful thing. But one day we should just take that to an antiques road show thing and just genuinely say oh yeah I got this

from my grandfather who said he got it from a soldier in the first world war it means a lot and then honestly offer them that and then just like

that wouldn't make the cut though would it it would it would make the Christmas this is worthless you're taking the piss they've seen a lot of things and then I get my gun out

don't I you don't want to do it and I say every motherfucker here this is a robbery I want all your antiques. Oh, yeah. Well, it'd be a good place to turn over.

Yeah. Well, maybe. You'd have to wait until the TV show came out to see which were the good pieces and then go back in time and then go in and get those pieces. It's all very workable. Well, if you robbed everything, the odds are good that you'd get some stuff anyway. Quid on the nose. Quid on the nose.

Just going through the first pass of this. Get your next item out. Item number three. Oh, what shall I give you? The little girl. Next. Two sharks. Two sharks.

It's another porcelainy statue-y thing. Two sharks diving out of a flume of water. This is some kind of resin. Yeah. It's not ceramic. It's some kind of

resin mould thing. With two great whites they look like jumping out of the water like great whites don't do, really, a lot of, do they? Not unless you watch the movies or you go to SeaWorld. They don't jump. These are jumping like orcas or something.

Yeah, or dolphins, really. Together. They wouldn't be together like that. Perhaps it's a dolphin mould that they've sort of modified or something. Maybe. And the wave, a big white frothy wave, flotsam and jetsam, Paul, that they're emerging from, looks like cauliflower or something, or broccoli.

It's weird. It's like the actual disposability of art. Because someone had to draw that and then turn that into a design and sculpt it and then crank it into a mould to make hundreds of thousands of them. Not that many. They wouldn't have made that many. Either way, you still look sculpt it and then crank it into a mold to make hundreds of thousands of them not that many well no it wouldn't have made that many either way you still look at it go yeah but who is it for where are you selling it where did it originate so much crap in this was it originally in sea world and you could buy them on a shelf with 50 other fucking ones it's utter shit garbage

shit though isn't it yeah i mean i like sharks well no offense danny no you or your children to be fair though it's called the price of shite. This is some real shite this time. Unattractive dual shark mantelpiece thing. I'd say... Two sharks. How many two sharks? Maybe that's quid 50.

Quid 50. Right. 150. Next item. Yeah. Quid 50. Right. 150. Next item. Yeah. It's this. Another little... This is...

It's another... Oh my God, I love this. He does like that one. That's the kind of kitsch though, Paul. Yeah. That's the same. Tell him what it is. That's my dog.

Tell him what it is. Did you see my brown dog? No. I have to go get it. Is that a euphemism? I have to go get it. I'll tell you. You go get it while I describe what this is.

When you fucking give me it, you press describe what this is on the couch right so the fourth yeah fourth item is a porcelain doggy face and it's a kind of sad sad dog a little bit droopy sad in the eyes and it's got this weird design where it kind of is flat at the back and the head scoops out at the front so it's got this weird kind of flatness to the face design as if it's sat it's probably designed to sit exactly above a radiator or fireplace and it's

you can't like rest something on the bridge of the dog's nose even though it's quite weird it's weird it's a dog that's flat at the back but anyway

Eli's got another dog which oh he has it's very similar it's kind of flat yeah it's almost exactly the same brown kind of

but brown how weird I got that the other day but it's almost exactly the same design except this one's a little bit bigger hand me back the brown one

I don't think it is because it's a different mould you can tell by the bottom that's cheaper their one isn't it it looks it I mean it's basically

one is completely brown and the one that I brought or rather Danny got is more kind of painted with a nose and spots and eyes and things. Thank you. So you've got a nice matching shirt.

No, it says here they're famous for making this this crud, apparently. Something pottery. You see, it says... What does it say? Have a look at that. I can't see that.

You're closer to the light than me. See, it says Dunelm, is it? Something like that, Dun. Denmead? Yeah, Denmead. Denmead Pottery. Denmead Pottery. Which is, obviously, they do stuff like that.

Now, it is kitschy and kind of horrible, Paul. Maybe this is... But it's almost... This one looks cheaper, doesn't it? It does, because look at the way the mould is on the bottom. It's a lot lesser... It feels cheaper, doesn't it? It feels less weighty, less quality.

Den Mead pottery. Pottery. Because I spent a tenner on that brown one. Oh, yeah, look, there is a Den Mead pottery, and they make... They're still going, apparently. Thank you, Danny. I'm really into this.

And it is this glazed brown kind of look to everything. Yeah, so this, I don't think, is one. Maybe this is the same mould that there's been... Oh, what's that? A 1960s cat one they've got. I like that. That's fucking good. It's that kind of kitsch that appeals to me.

That kind of... Do you know? Yeah. It's a quality kitsch sort of thing. There's only 10 minutes left of the show, mate, so you want to get through... Do you know what I'm getting at, though, with that? Very much.

I think this item is non-Denmede or much later, and the mould has been passed on to a lesser company. I agree. That has a real feel of quality compared to this. It's the glazing. You know what I mean? The glaze is good. It's slightly bigger, that one, so it looks like it's a reduction.

It does look like a knock-off. Anyway, still will go next to him. Of course. Two dogs. Great. I'm into that. Great selection, Danny. Some really awful things, and that which has brightened my whole day

but how much do you think it is how much did that cost you out of interest tenner right how much do you think that is it must be what have I got so far you've got

£2.25 you've spent on this so you've got is that this the last item the next one is one of these was free

yes I'm going to say two quid. Okay, cool. Final item. There you go, Eli. What's this then? Come on, love.

Oh, it's a lot of ceramics. Yeah, it's all ceramics. This is the last item. It's all ceramics apart from the book. Oh, and the sharks. And the shark, yeah, I guess. The little book. It's a little Toby jug, something in it. Is it a Toby yeah, I guess. Yeah. The little book. It's a little Toby jug, something, isn't it?

Is it a Toby jug, I guess? The price is still on this. What does it say on the bottom? One pound. Yeah, in that case, you get a free point. Oh, thanks, Danny. That wasn't on me. No, you love it, because you're like,

yeah, it doesn't look so bad when I've done that. Lots of times in the past. No, look, well done. You've earned a free point. A petwing for you're like, yeah, it doesn't look so bad when I've done that lots of times in the past. No, look, well done. You've earned a three point. A petwing for you, my dear. See, I knew I was going to get at least one. Yeah, but that was because of

Danny's incompetence that brought this show down. That's from nowhere. Out of nowhere, a petwing that I didn't earn at all. It's even sweeter that no one else

could even have because of the format. That petwing is pure, just pure me for being me, Paul. It's a Sheldon pet being me. It's a shouting between. It's a shouting

between. Toby Jug kind of like that as well. It's good for pens and shit to be honest that kind of thing. He's got a face he's got he's going

isn't he? Yeah. Big gurning burning face. It's a bit of a gurning face there. So do you like it then?

What's your favourite item? The dog. Yeah the dog. That was kind of a kismet isn't it? Yeah funny thing. So you've got a pound here That was kind of kismet, isn't it? Yeah, funny thing. So you've got a pound here,

which means you at least know that one isn't free. So you've said the mushroom book was 75p, the dolly thing was one quid, the shark was 150,

the dog was two pound and Toby drug was one. So you get one between there. I'm just going to give you that now. Between? Yeah, but what was it? Four pound 30.

Five pound 10 altogether. Yes, but how much of the items I've guessed add up to it? So, one, two, three, four, £5.20. So, I've put too much. So, you've got to take a quid off somewhere. But are you happy with these prices? Which one do you think is free? Let's just go quickly through them, Paul, and I'll just do a little recap.

Mushroom Book, 75p. I think that one was free. Right, okay. I think the book was free. Do one pound you said i'll go 50p on the dolly i think 50p on the dolly uh the two shocks you said was one pound 50 again i'll go 125 for the shot 125 and the dog two pounds you said one one fifth 60 160 really? yeah okay 160 so here are the answers let's see how Eli did

I've got to get a between for myself from skill so you've got a between already one's pocketed you're fine so going in order of what's on this list right the cup I'm just going to read it out this way

keeps it a bit more juicy as well the cup the Toby Mug cup you said that's a pound oh yeah that's bloody hell sorry uh the dog face dog face you said 160 you should have stayed with two pounds two pound 50 fuck but i wouldn't still know between you would have been closer and morally yeah see they actually yeah people they've got a bit of value these dog things i want a tenner for

i wonder if someone thought that was an original and priced it accordingly. Perhaps looked online and did a search and saw that. But that's got the actual Dunham poetry written on it. My good one. That's a knockoff for sure. So the Shocks, you said 125. Eli Getty Betwing, it was one pound. Cool.

So another Betwing there. Betwing. The Weird girl. Yeah, she's not weird. She's just terrible. You said 50p. Yes. The answer is 60p between.

And another between because the book was free. So that's another between for Mr. Silman. I've done well. So you got out of potential what? Oh, you got that. That's a double between, actually, because you said three. And that counts as two betwings, doesn't it?

Because that's being spot on. Yes. So between, between, between, between, between. You have got five betwings out of what? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Okay. Halfway. Halfway.

Not bad at all. Good innings, Mr. Silverman. Thank you very much. I'm pleased with that, and I'm pleased with the dog head. Right. Dog head is what they... Do you like getting dog head a lot, Eli? I'm just having to...

You get a lot of peanut butter, Mr. Silverman. No, you're not... You wait around in the park for dog head. You get your mind out of the gutter. Dog head is what they say to people who drink too much coffee. Yeah, because they get dog head. Yeah, dog head. Or your penis can be described as a dog head.

Not about the penis at all. Why is it so penis-focused all of a sudden? All I can think about is penis. Enjoying them. Enjoying my own. Remarking upon their shape and girth. Their size. Whether they point skyward or downward.

I don't mind. Nothing wrong with a penis. It's a poetry. There's nothing wrong with a penis. Should we wrap this up? Because we're approaching the five-minute left mark, Paul. we have got exactly five minutes left but doing five minutes on the clock i know i saw tough right it's not a tough tough but anyway do you want to do your quick showcase or do you reckon we won't get it in and the admin you've got to get the showcase all right

quick then because we've got to do the admin as well so you've got five minutes oh he's angry you just describe very quickly what it is right uh it's Right. It's on a wrapped hoodie or something. And then... We're out of here. Quickly tell me if it's a showcase or no place. Oh. You got this in Camden Mine, didn't you? You saw it.

I saw it there. I got it. It was a bit too costly, but... It was a fiver, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's a sort of general amount for these. It is a plastic, slightly mucky, yellow and orange novelty. Is it a lessie?

Because it looks a lessie-like. I don't think it is. No, it's not. It's this... It looks a lot... It is... The spoon goes with it. Describe it, please, first of all.

Well, it is an egg cup, but it's designed to look like a Mr. Man almost. It looks like Mr. Strong, but orange. He looks like a Mr. Man. And his hat comes off, which is like a kind of baseball cap to where you put your egg. It's a transparent orange baseball cap

that he has. Then it comes with a little rubber hammer which I'm guessing you use to crack the egg. That's the bit that I like a lot. It's wobbly.

In one hand he's got the wobbly egg. It's a wobbly egg cracker. Yes. You twang it on the egg basically. And it should twang his little rubber hammer

on the egg. You twang the little rubber hammer on the egg. You twang the Eggman's hammer. And then you use the spoon. Oh mate, I was twanging the Eggman's hammer all night in Eggman's hammer. And then you used the spoon. Oh, mate, I was twanging the Eggman's hammer all night in the fucking Red Roar.

And then you got a spoon. But that spoon got branded with the same company. They're called Mr. N or something? I can't say it right now, but either way. So I checked that. That was an issue for me, that that spoon was complete, because it's in a slot in his hand, so it could easily be replaced with something similar.

No, it's the brand. It's complete. It's an egg spoon designed for the shape of an egg so it's nice and narrow. It's a nice little egg spoon. It's a lovely thing, actually. Look inside, Tim Paul. There's another piece that's just sitting in there. What's that for, you think?

Oh, I don't know. It's a little nipple. I think that's to keep your egg warm because it it creates a little air gap between hit the outside or maybe it's a way to get your egg out and keep it clean and just wash this bit yeah maybe i don't know but it's a little bit of fun in it it has it's designed a lot design going on with the twangy hammer the spoon you know mr egg man's twangy hammer and he's on a he's Mr. Eggman's twangy hammer. And he's on a... It's for a child, I guess. Yeah. £5 too much for you, though?

It's probably much cheaper than what it originally cost. But I just... Because it's plastic and that is mucky and I'd never use it. So £5 was a bit much. I'm going to give it a wash

and put it on the wall. It's a nice... You've made that like a bit of a bandit this week, frankly, with all your objet d'art. I have. Right, in that case... So...

We're nearly at the end. Two minutes to wrap up and then we're goff. We're off to LA. This is a charity shop showcase. Yes. Oh, it has a mate. I'm not even going to beat around the bush. It's a showcase. Good. Thank you. I think so too. It does not have no place. It is a showcase item. It certainly has a place in the showcase. In the showcase.

I wish I could put the sound effect in, but it's real time and we're still cracking on. We're into the last two minutes now. Paul, what do you want to do? We've got two minutes to wrap up the show and say, hey, thank you for supporting us. Thanks, guys. Thank you so much.

We're off to LA, mate. We're off to LA. I mean, we recorded this last week, but as of this episode, we're going tomorrow. And we're going for a week. And we have some exciting plans there. So this is why we've tossed out this episode into the real-time content form. Right.

Thecheapshow.co.uk. You won't stop shop for everything, to links to social media, to our YouTube, to episode guides, to tickets to our live show in November with Digitizer at the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. It's all there. Come and join us. Thechecheaps.co.uk. And also, thank you to our lovely patrons who support us on that platform.

If you would like to do that, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but only if you can. Only if you can, Patrons. Magazines and videos, depending on the tier, there's podcasts and all sorts of treats. I like a magazine. In the last minute of the show, I like looking at all sorts of treats. I like a magazine. In the last minute

of the show, I would just like to say I love you personally. I like looking at the magazines. Do you want to say anything of note in the last 50 seconds? We've got 50 seconds left here. I do like it. Do you? I do like looking at magazines. If you die tomorrow

and this was the last thing people heard of you, do you want to just do that? They wouldn't listen to this. I wouldn't listen to it, yes. I wouldn't listen to me either. Stop! You've stopped it, you twazzuck! I haven't. It just went back.

It just the screen just went off. Stop fucking everything up. No, it just went to sleep so I tapped it to wake it up. Paul, I just want you to look at this album. Look at this record. It's Passion,

Once Upon a Time. Look how 80s that guy is on the back. It's the most 80s thing once upon a time passion and love come down he's got look at his shoulder pads and barry evans who's that i don't know it's produced by him all right you need to get your button finger ready because we are on the 10 9 we'll see you we're off to la how exciting thanks for listening we'll see you next time let's do this two Three, two, one.

Press the button. Drop in the credits.