CheapShow - Ep 364: A Christmas Constitutional

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

After the drunken madness of the 5th Annual Christmas Office Party, Paul and Eli decide to end the year on a more reflective note. On the recommendation of YouTuber John Rogers, the Cheap Chaps take a merry wander through London, starting in Angel, Islington and ending in Highgate Village. It’s a walk that allows Paul & Eli to revisit a few old haunts and discover a few new corners of the Capital at the same time. Along the way they’ll dish out a bonus/unnecessary Tales from the Dance Floor, tell a few stories from their early stand-up comedy days and open a few surprise presents too! It’s CheapShow’s final episode of 2023, everyone! Merry Christmas, see you in 2024! X Thank You ALL for listening/supporting CheapShow throughout 2023! It means the world to us. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-364-a-christmas-constitutional And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello my lovers, it is me rambling old Paul Gannon and for our last episode of 2023 I thought we'd go for a lovely old ribbly ramble through the old ghibli gobble and cobble pots of the old London town. this year is old Strumming Silverman, blues player and poker card shark himself. And he's going to join me for a walk there through old London town on the Ghibli-Gobbli-Cobbler walls and the Ghibli-Gobbli-Gobbli-Bobs. Fucking hell. Hello, Paul. You've done it again.

I was literally hugely elevated with a great mood today for several reasons. Just having a nice mood day, you know, for once. And then, oh, I'll do a podcast with Paul, it'll be a walkabout, it'll be great. And then you did that voice and I thought, I can tolerate this for like, you know, for like three or four seconds.

And then you said wibbly wobbly a lot more. And it's bad comedy, Paul. It's bad writing and it's bad comedy. It's not writing because did you see me with a pen did I hold a pen and write that down

before issuing it into the universe no it's sort of like a weird you know taking a few elements from like a bit fast show

a bit like that guy who's on that bloody thing is the thing about Eli is that he complains about this all the time no the thing about Eli

is he complains about this all the time right and yet when he did his own stand up he didn't even write his own material. So what did he know? I absolutely did. Let me rephrase that. His best material was not written by him. Are you suggesting, what are you suggesting?

I'm just suggesting that maybe you... I never stole no jokes. I'm not saying you stole a joke. I'm just saying you got your more talented friends to write your material. And you sat on their shelf, like Mark Allen for a start. No, I didn't. Yeah, look at his face. You can't see it, but look at it.

He knows the truth. Pick it out, him. You are a cesspit, black hole of negative energy, my friend. And I'm not having it today. I'm sorry. All your substandard comedy routines. Now, hello, cheap show. Hello, cheap show.

Listen, I'm all rambling Paul, and I'm here to take you on a lovely walk because today we're going for a lovely, rambly old walk for the cobblestones and gibble stones. No, no. Can I just... Let me hold this for a second. Let me hold it. No, you just blast into it.

I have things to say, Paul. Yeah. OK? I'm not going to take this from you. The utter chaos of your fucking approach towards making this podcast, okay? It's really annoying. Now, you know why that stupid, stupid voice

you're fucking doing is completely inappropriate for today's walk? Completely. Go on. Because today, Paul, we're going on an urban walk. An urban Christmas walk in central London. Okay. And do people talk like that?

Like rumbling, wimbly, bob rumbles, cobblestone cunts there? No. No, they fucking don't. Right. Can I continue? Yeah. Hello. That's more like it. We're not doing this. I'm walking old Joe.

And I'm a walking old Joe. And I've known these London streets all my life. Man and boy. Man and boy. And I'm going to take you on a walk through London. There. My London. Wandering old Joe London.

It's not. I just admit to everyone, I will be in charge of this. And I've got some delights to show you along the way, Paul, today on our walk. And we're going to look at some milestones in our own comedy history here at the end of the year. Get a bit contemplative, reflective even. We're going to go down to the pub where we met, in fact. We're in Camden Passage right now in Angel Islington where we're sharing, not sharing a coffee, we're sharing time over a coffee. Yes, and we're about to go down

and look at the pub where we met Paul. I couldn't get more seminal than that. Where we met Paul? I met Paul. I'm addressing you, you twat. You look, you're dressed like a burglar. Well, you're dressed like a fucking knock-off Snow White

and the Seven Dwarves grotto character. At least that's got some panache to it. Little fucking purple beanie. He really objects to my beanie. It's not so much the colour, it's the shape. It kind of peeks at the top and makes it

make you look like a kind of wizard of some sort. That's all good things. Anyway, look. If I was a wizard and I'd fucking cure your lack of talent. If I was a wizard... Oh, here we go. What is the imagination, everyone?

I'm pulling out, I'm pulling out. Oh, here we go, old man and boy. Oh, old rambling old Joe's going to take you through his old landing pad, Joe. I accept you. So, let us begin... Oh, fuck off, boy. Oh, rambling old Joe's going to take you through his old landing pad. I'll tag Joe. I accept you. So, let us begin. Oh, fuck off, Joe. Let us begin this week's episode of Cheap Show. It's our Christmas walk from Angel to Highgate. Come and join us on a reflective end-of-year wonder.

Come on, guys. Right, well, we haven't started our walk properly yet, but we are going to start it here, I guess. Where are we? We are in the Camden Head on Camden Passage. Good morning. We're at the Camden Head pub on Camden Passage, which isn't in Camden. No.

Famously, it is here in Islington, right one road sort of down from Essex Road, behind Essex Road, you could say, and near the green, Islington Green, which is that little triangular green there, Paul. It's a historic pub. A history of the Camden Head. Hang on.

Although the decorative plaques on the chimney stacks are dated 1899, the Camden Head can be dated back to 1806, when Samuel Grammer was the licensee. He plied his trade until 1843 and is the longest serving landlord. How is that? Oh, wait! In Georgian times, the upstairs of the Camden Head was the location of a birth control shop for women,

which had its own entrance. Oh! I mean, he wouldn't want to go in there. It all depends on what it means by birth control for women. Well, it's backstreet abortions. Backstreet, back... All right!

Paul, come down here. Hang on, I want to see the bottom of the slime. Oh, I can't read it now. It's all down there. It's bullshit anyway. Look, this I found more interesting as it applies to you and me, Paul, and our personal histories.

We're here by this... What do you call those? Sandwich board type thing? Yeah, but it's not a sandwich board that someone would have on him. It's those triangular board things, signs, board signs that go out pubs. And there's a lot more of them these days. On this chalkboard, it's a sort of sandwich chalkboard. It says here, here for a laugh. This traditional pub, with its original wooden interiors

and fireplace provides a cosy feel in the winter, while the large beer garden is the perfect spot for summer. As for entertainment, Paul, as for entertainment, we host one of London's best comedy shows every night. They have comedy

every night. Well, this is because well, it's all... Basically, anyone who knows the Cheap Show backstory knows that me and Eli met at the Camden Head. We're looking at the windows of the room where we met. Where there used to be a night called The Laughing Cavaliers. No, was it called that? Or that was just...

What was it? Comedy... What did they... Brew House. The Brew House. The Brew House. Featuring the Cavs. Yeah.

And we've talked about this at length across the years, but this is where we started out. We used to even smoke. Oh, it's not there no more because it's a shop. Oh, look, see, that used to be a place where we used to smoke. Remember, it used to be bikes and everything. Oh, yes, that's all been filled in. They've built a building there, haven't they?

Yeah. Oh, how funny. It's Epicson, now a health shop. But that's where we used to smoke. We used to stand there and smoke it used to be well they just built walls on it yeah

there's another board over there Paul it says let's have a look let's read it I'll read it you can't be trusted the answer is alcohol I just can't remember the question

oh dear woo fun times but yeah no this is the this is the this is some would call it

the root of all cheap show is here absolutely I mean it is and it's funny actually that when we ended up doing the

Uncleekables we did it in the other Camden Head in Camden so there's double Camden Head right at the beginning of our podcasting

comedy career double heads double fisting right but what's Angel Comedy Club every night podcasting comedy career, Paul? Double heads. Double fisting. Right, but what's... Angel Comedy Club every night. Free admission. There you go. Do you have any idea who runs the night now?

Yeah, it's Barry. Still? Yeah, because he owns the other one, the Bill Murray pub, doesn't he? Does he put it on every night? I guess so. That's insane. How depressing must it be on, like, a Tuesday?

Well, that's why I don't like doing stand-up anymore because the idea of doing stand-up on a tuesday to four uninterested tourists from germany breaks my heart now also here on another board we can see the camden head specials the menu and i i don't believe you could find a more generic pub food menu in all of this land you have house burger it's the um jack uh todd jack jack monterey jack farley jack your body nice try though you know you know where i'm getting that yeah you got the house the house burger burger mac and cheese pork belly mus, prawn and chorizo and nachos. That's all right. Which one would you go for?

Probably pork belly right now. I might go for the burger right now. Get your little pork belly out. Oi! Now, the end of the walk today, Paul, I'm hoping to bring you to this place, this pub in Highgate called The Duke's Head, which has all got Americana.

It's very much Smokey and the Bear type Americana. Smokey and the Bandit. Whatever. Smokey and the Bear. It isn't a thing. It's not as embarrassing as when you said Goldie Lookinghorn. Yeah, but it's also not as funny as when I said Goldie Lookinghorn. No, it's not as funny. So,

you might like the decor, but they have a burger for you there. I'll look forward to that. So look, we're going to start our walk in earnest. And if he's not around, we're just going to get going. Oh, no, I've been in earnest. He's ruined. I've ruined earnest.

Ernest went to jail. Ernest got ruined by Eli. Eli ruined earnest with his big, bulbous... It's not going anywhere. It's not, is it? Let's park that. Bulbous. Beam, beam. I'm just parking that joke

i don't know reversing into a spot eli's button right that's not a joke should we have a little peer in let's go around the side to see if it looks the same as it used to back in the day oh also isn't this different couldn't you go in that entrance? No. Never? No. It was always... Still got all the nice wooden fixtures. Yeah. I mean, it still looks exactly the same.

Angel comedy check-in on the staircase. Look, there's the staircase. There's the staircase. We used to stand there at the top of the stairs so many times, didn't we? Looking down. I haven't been in here in years, man. Anyway. Do you have to let it linger?

Do you have to let it linger? It beeps here. But, man. Anyway. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to let it linger? But, yeah. Oh, mate. Memories. But, with that being said, should we go sit in a park and have a smoke

before we start our proper walk? Yes, there's a little parklet I wanted to show you. Oh, yeah. Which is just opposite the Purple Turtle. Oh, yeah.

Remember where the Purple Turtle used to be? And that is the point, that is the bar where I did my first ever stand-up gig. I had these reams of paper. See, I know where my first stand-up gig ever was.

That was the downstairs at the Great Portland Street. What's the name of that pub? The Albany. Yeah, the Albany. That was there. It was Cheeky Monkey or whatever. Yeah, that's not there anymore either. Oh, Toby Juggs and such. Eli's got his Toby. For ten times the price. All right, well, let's draw a line under this segment.

I'm not getting Toby jugs. Don't get Toby anything then. I'm not getting anything. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Listen, I'm going to take a quick picture of that thing with a staircase so people can see. But then we're going to join you back in the park in a little while. The walk begins on this lovely... It's cold, but it's not freezing.

It's chilly, but it's not miserable. It's chilly, but it's not miserable. It's not going to rain until after midnight, they say. So hopefully we'll avoid that and it'll be nice and seasonal by the time we get up to the top of Highgate, Paul, and have lovely views, twinkly, twinkly, twinkly lights over the city in the misty winter eve. I don't believe he believes that when he said it. Go and take a fucking photo.

I'm going to take a fucking photograph. See you in a bit. Hello there. No. Rambling Joe here. Oh, and we've rambled. Where have we rambled today, old Bob? I'm not old Bob.

Go along with this or I'll rip your dick off. It's always ripped my dick off. All right. I'll rip your dick off. It's always ripped my dick off. All right, I'll rip your nose off. No, you won't. You couldn't physically do that. He's got my nose. Oh, he's going to get snot on his fingers. I don't want snotty bogeys.

I don't want that. Oh, he's hurt my nose. So, where have we been? Do you want to talk about your purple turtle? Yes. It's very sore. It's very tender right now. It's like a turtle when you take the shell off.

Oh, poor turtle. All raw and exposed. Vulnerable. You can't. You'd kill a turtle if you took its shell off. That's very sad. It's all part of its body. I've seen how the cannibal holocaust,

it's horrible. Oh, they do that, do they? Yeah. Actual animal snuff in that film. That's not right. No. Merry Christmas. Anyway. Well, old rambling Bob, we've been... Oh, rambling Bob. snuff in that film. That's not right. No. Merry Christmas.

Anyway. Well, old rambling Bob, we've been... Oh, rambling Bob. We've walked down Essex Road, didn't we, from Camden Passage. A lot of she-she stuff

around here. She-she. I popped into Flashback Records. Yeah. Daddy Paul gave me ten minutes. You were less than that

to be fair. I just went in. They were all looking at me downstairs as if, like, you know... Like all looking at me downstairs as if like you know those record shop people you know whatever

but I picked up a new copy of Candy Staten with her two best known disco hits Stormers what's that one

where she on Broadway yeah Nights on Broadway which is written by the Gibb Brothers it's a Bee Gees tune, which is a classic.

And what's the other one? Young Hearts Run Free. Young Hearts Run Free. Which is very much a stalwart. Who wrote that? Not, I think, Cindy Crawford, I believe, actually. It says Crawford, so maybe Cindy Crawford. Could be the other Crawford from Some Others Do Haven. No, it wouldn't be that Crawford.

What was his name? Baxter Crawford. No, he was, ooh, Betty,'t be that Crawford. What was his name? Baxter Crawford. No, he was, ooh, Betty, Betty, ooh, Betty. What was his name? Was that the character's name? That was Frank Spencer was the character, but it was Crawford. Michael. Michael Crawford.

The Phantom of the Opera. And he did that Mr Falcon. What was it called? Condor. Condor. I saw that in the cinema. I saw that in the cinema. But it was one of those school cinema weekend things on a Saturday morning

where you go sit in the assembly hall. It was a bit of a terrible film, wasn't it? I don't remember anything about it, to be fair. It was fab. It's something to do with, like, he writes about Condor Man but then has to bring him to life for real to solve an adventure. But there's very little adventure in it and it's mostly slippy, sloppy slapstick. A bit of slapstick.

So we walked down from Camden passage down essex road past flashback records and we walked um past where the elephant not the elephant's head the purple turtle bar used to be uh it's now a bar called homeboy which i've met people who worked in homeboy and you know what homeboy's concept is? Irish pub meets cocktail bar. Oh, because I would have thought Homeboy was like some kind of American thing. Hey, my homeboy's here, yo. It is sort of like that, but the actual theme of what they do in terms of what they serve is very much Irish pub meets mixology cocktail bar. That's a strange mix, isn't it?

Well, if you think about it, it's sort of on two trends. People can go and some people like a fancy cocktail and some people just want a pint of guinness you know anyway um i think it's quite a good concept so we walked and purple turtle is when it was the purple turtle i did my first ever comedy stand-up gig there and they had an open mic night and i went to that a few times and then i decided to do it and it was a very bad gig and i didn't have any jokes i just had these sort of rambling observations but at least you're

still consistent on that fucking front aren't you but anyway there was this little parklet which we've now entered which i've always known has been here but i've never actually been down here it's called rick astley's rock garden sort of minute rick astley's rock favorites because he's right he sings with the foo fighters now so he's very rock-orientated these days. No, it's called Asty's Rock Garden, and it is ticking all of my parklet little nubbin' buttons because it's a linear park, right? It's a very ribbon of park. I love a parklet.

It's tiny, it's narrow, it's linear, just like London's longest linear park, which was Parkland Walk. And do you know what? The sign says this was the new river this is a section of the new river which we have walked before on cheap show when we went past and we could see the old maynard's factory nearer to where i live the winegum's factory but this is a section of the river and they've turned it into this actually quite stunningly beautiful uh rock garden park with a path coming through, don't you think? Yeah, no, it's simple.

It's lovely. I'm going to take a shot of you. You take a shot of me. So, yeah, Angel Islington used to be a stomping ground for years. Every Friday, Saturday night, we were here. Certainly I was doing the laughing calves and stuff. For about a year, we were both here Friday and Saturday night. Trying to get money. We could have got blood from one of these stones mate

I tell you it would have been easier but I haven't been back here for years 50 each or something didn't we yeah they were very few

and far between in fact week by week it got less and less it became more depressing to turn up it really did didn't it and then we actually

were there almost to the very end to the death knell of it I definitely was there at the bitter end for the very last gig because you remember I felt like a prick because i thought i was being funny because john lane who ran the thing was going oh it's our last show oh it's all very sad and i was like you know all good things must come to an end john and this night and it was meant to be like a witty

but i think it really upset him so i felt bad um but john lane as we spoke about in the past on many occasions is a unique character in british comedy certainly the the live set anyway live scene yeah yeah uh great guy yeah he was but you know he was also he was an eccentric man yeah but the thing about him was... He wasn't a great comic, let's be honest about that. No. The thing with him was he was old school in that way that was dying out by the time we were there.

It was alternative. Original sort of alternative. That was the scene he was in, and he studied improvisation, didn't he? Yeah, he was with Ken Campbell, and he'd perform with Eddie Izzard and all those kind of things. One of the worst improvisers I've ever worked with. The fucking worst.

Every single game ended up with him having to bum you on stage or something. He loved to bum. He loved getting you on all fours and violently ravaging you for a laugh. That's his whole thing. And he never accepted ideas. I know we joke about the yes and no but, but he was just no. Everything was no and then trying to shoehorn a pre-prepared

ancient joke that he'd written years ago do you know what I mean every single week it's like what was his gag about he crowbarred into a stand-up thing where it's like two-headed expert but he's talking about I was in the shower last night

and looked down at my penis and it reminded me of a rock band Deep Purple yeah and that was like what Purple Turtle Purple Turtle well we're doing the same material years purple turtle yeah but uh this is a nice little rock park so we're going to go from here

to where oh let me just check we are because as i say we didn't mention this but let me mention it now the reason why we're doing this walk is because i reached out to youtuber and author uh john rogers who you know people who have followed Cheap Show for a while know that we're a big fan of his channel. He does urban and suburban walks, you know. And I sent him a text because, you know, I've spoken to him because we've had him on the BBC show that I produced and said, hey, do you recommend any Christmassy walks?

And he went, what was one? One Walthamstow to the Marshes or something was one he recommended. What was that? Yeah, yes that is beautiful up round there I play Ereby round there I could take you up round those parts as well have you been there though already?

the Marshes, no but he then recommended well he said Barbican to Highgate and we thought that's a bit too far for us let's do Angel to Highgate and that's the walk we're doing today. And we haven't really started, really. Well, we were in Angel, and now we're up the road. Up the road, but the route takes us right through the end of this park

and then up that way through Barnsbury, which is an area of London I don't think you're very familiar with. No, I don't think I am. So we'll catch you then. We're going to set off in a minute. We're just having a little smoke break. What do you think about this for a DJ name? DJ Bad Bungle Boy.

I don't hate it. You don't hate it? I don't hate it. Maybe bad's too obvious. Bad Bungle? I'm Bad Bungle. What about Blobby Bungle? Blobby Bungle.

Blobby Bungle? Blobby Bungle. What about Blobby Bungle? Blobby Bungle. Blobby Bungle? Blobby Bungle. That's good. What about Bungle Blunderbuss? No. Saint Blunderbuss, the explosive DJ rapper. Why does he have to be a DJ? Oh, my God.

I DJ'd twice at the same venue last week. Discount Suit Company. Is this a Tales from the Sh... It is, but wow. Wow. So the first night, unbearable. Christmas party season. Zombie patrons, basically.

Just, like, sucking. Literally sucking the joy from the very air they inhabit. You know? Ah. Terrible. I went outside. Did you play any Christmas songs? No, not a single one.

Do you not have any? I don't have a single Christmas song. You don't have a single Motown Christmas song? No, fuck that. Fuck them and their Christmas songs. I don't enjoy Christmas songs. Fuck. You should have a few, though, for this time of year, right, though?

No. There's only a... Rockin' Robin isn't a Christmas song you can't... Rockin' Robin, the original R&B version, not the Jacksons version. I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus... I mean, you can't really dance to that. Do you remember I picked up in the charity shop the Motown Christmas LP and had the Jacksons, Supremes, all of that? Yeah. Terrible. Some of the worst Motown stuffmas lp and had the jackson's supremes all of that yeah terrible

some of the worst motown stuff i've ever heard yeah it's really cheesy just knocked off sort of not good anyway can we move on now do you have another story i've got the story this isn't stop this is 10 minutes it doesn't matter paul this is the last episode of the year is the last time we got to be together this year we're taking a week off or so for Christmas and we're back on the I think it's the 7th or something of January whatever it is

yes so 5th I don't know so I'm thinking oh that was a terrible night that was the Thursday and I did the Friday as well it didn't get any worse right

it got worse on the Friday now it's a small venue you've been in there it's intimate it's compact some people came in this guy let off.

Okay? And the only reason I knew he let off, because it was like, it was pungent. Deeply, deeply. A wall of it. Horrible. And it was like, it must be him, because it's literally, I can smell the, I can feel the particulates of this cloud of fog. A wave of dust.

It's just there. Someone has guffed just there. A wave of dust. It couldn't be anything else, Paul. It had been just there. And I was like, fuck this. And I took down a menu and I'm fanning the menu,

trying to, because it's making me feel sick, you know? And I was just like, it's out of order. Yeah, but he did it because, right, it's a victimless crime in that guy's head, isn't it?

It's like, no one knows it's me. There's too many people here. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'll squeeze one out. But, honestly, I think this needs to be said, Paul, right? We all know, as older adults, when we're doing bad ones, right? And we shouldn't, as a matter of civil decency to other people, when we're out and about in small spaces, shouldn't just do it like that. Is that like when I'm in your bedroom and we're out and about in small spaces shouldn't just do it like that

is that like when I'm in your in your bedroom and we're chilling out and then you go that's totally different is it different because I'm in a small space

and you know I'm there and you let out something that in my eyes is toxic arse gas this was nothing nothing I've ever produced was anything like

as bad as this yeah you say that but it's all subjective you've put some fucking real humdingers up my nose in the past so have you we've all look but i think both of us can agree between friends yeah but if you're out in public it's just out of order don't you agree with that yeah okay and then the guy i'm sure it was this guy very young guy very tall right he came over and i'm standing there with a record in my hand.

Just put a record on. He goes, are you the DJ? OK, and I couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't. What did you say? I said, no, he's the DJ, and pointed to the bar guy. And he was like, looked a bit confused.

It's just like, oh, for fuck, for fuck. And I'm sure he let off one just then as well, because there was another extreme fresh aberration in my face and I was literally like, did you fart? I couldn't just sort of bear it. I had to take down the menu again and I was fucking manically wafting it away and he was really confused.

And I just said, I said in his face, don't fart like that, for fuck's sake. Anyway. Anyway, tales from the skid marks. Right, we're going to set off on our walk. We'll see you a little bit later. Have fun. Tales from the dirt toxic back door.

Nah, mate. Yes, mate. What have you got? Fuck all. All right. Look, we have to go. Skids on the dance floor. What's that a pun on?

Skid marks in his pants from leaving brown matter. Is that your tissue? No. It's a secret special tissue left here by the... Stop making me unfunny. It's you. You make me unfunny.

When I'm around other people I'm witty and sharp and funny. That's not true. It's like you're some kind of blanket that you drape over me. And I'm unfunny. Look, I'll try and be funny now. Dog's chonga.

Dog's chonga. It's not very funny. It's not very funny. It's not funny. What about this? I'll say something else funny. No, you won't. No, you won't.

Bees eat legs. That's working for me. All right, OK. Come on. Bees eat legs. That's working for me. Alright, okay. We're off. So... Yes, sir? We've just been through Canterbury Square here in Islington, and we've walked past the back entrance of the Esterick Collection, which I was saying to paul

is a collection of modern italian art italian art and it's got a lot of vortices uh pieces and they were sort of basically italian cubists you know like picasso was a cubist yeah this is the early 20th century modern art movement but got quite fashy as in fascistic. Anyway welcome to Cheap Show where you learn as you go. I found out today something interesting. Isn't that magnificent this is the back of what's it called the chapel? It's where we saw the dollop live. Yeah I've held a gig there. Chapel, Abbey Chapel, Chappie Abble. It's great, isn't it? That's where the priests used to live and stuff in those buildings.

It's all rehearsal rooms and stuff now, because as I say, there used to be a, I think they still do it on a Saturday, there used to be a thing called Daylight or something. It was a weekend, early afternoon music gig for upper middle class kind of bands to do their noodling. It was like a weekend, early afternoon music gig for, you know, upper middle class kind of bands to do their noodling. And, you know, very talented people, but it was all a bit kind of beige, you know. But, still lovely. But I held a gig.

Union Chapel, yeah. So I held a gig here to raise money. It was a Geek Night Out gig back in the day. Here? Yeah. In the main thing? Yeah, yeah gig back in the day. Here? Yeah. In the main thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big auditorium? Yeah.

I guess there's only one. It was only a daylight thing. It wasn't like a huge gig. But we had about 300 people in, raised a bit of money, some stand-up. I think Izzy Lawrence was there on the day and stuff. When we came to see the dollop, they did Charles Darwin, didn't they, if I remember? Oh, I don't remember. Was it Darwin? No, it was a boat cruise or something.

It was a voyage. Yeah, it was a voyage, but it wasn't Darwinwin's wasn't the beagle no but it had something it had something adjacent to that anyway but also hyman islington has its uh theater pub just on the other corner there the hen and chickens where we i've done many a show there in my time and we did a show with our sketch group rogues handbook which i think was the death knell i'm not 100 but i think it was we did all flyers do you remember or we did this is the thing i don't remember because all i remember was we had a really miserable edinburgh and when we came back that in my head was the final thing we ever did is rogues hand maybe that maybe you're right but i don't maybe that was a

preview before edinburgh we did there that sounds more likely because the idea of doing another show after edinburgh that year was a bit would have been no we never did? Possibly, yeah. That sounds more likely. Because the idea of doing another show after Edinburgh that year would have been... No, we never did because Graham was... Graham was out, wasn't he, when he got really fucked off that last day, didn't he? Oh, the famous cock, Eli. Where? A pub named after you, no doubt.

They've changed all this. It's named after a part of me, Bob. Yeah, the famous cock. Famous with the ladies, my cock. Yeah, for being... Anyone who encounters it, it's famous their whole rest of their life. Yeah, the famous cock. Famous with the ladies, my cock. Yeah, for being... Anyone who encounters it, it's famous their whole rest of their life. Yeah, like a yeti,

where someone says they've seen it, but no one else believes them. Very much like a yeti in terms of it's a mythic creature of huge strength and virility. And very hairy. And no one's ever found any proof of its existence. But this has all changed, hasn't it? Because I'm sure.

Yeah, oh shit, we are now. Oh, the lights are off. Ten. They've pedestrianised this whole bit.

It used to be a road, that's right. Which makes sense because this is always awful for traffic. it was awful. I mean, it's still probably

not that great, but no. There's just a lot less traffic since they brought in the low traffic network. It's funny, that Wetherspoon's called the White Swan,

but as I was walking past, I thought it said the White Van, and I was like, that's very fucking apropos of the fucking place. I know, it probably is, yeah. You know, so... That guy shouting, okay.

He's that bald man. Very, very white van-y. Yeah, very white van-y. You know, he sounded like he had a bone to pick with something. Right. You know? Oh, Marie Curie, that's... That highway station road.

Haven't we done that before? Down the back of there? No. Have we? I don't know. Have we been up. Have we? I don't know. Have we been up round here before? I don't know. Oh, no, not to record this.

Look, it's very busy here anyway. We want to get out of here. Let me just see whether... Shall we go to Marie Curie Charity Shop quickly? Because it's quite busy. It's quite big. So let's go and do that. Oh, yeah, there's lots going on.

Lots of angry-looking fucking people on this corner for some reason. You get this at major interchanges, don't you? It's quite busy here. There's the old Highbury exit, which is now a nightclub or something, or next to a nightclub. A garage, yeah. Yeah, that entrance is still there, though.

It's lovely, that. The old station entrance on the other side of the road from the modern station. Sorry, I pulled the microphone away from him then as I was checking the battery. The battery's fine, by the way, everyone. Calm down, we've got plenty. So we're going to go in Marie Curie here?

Yeah, have a quick look, see what we can pick up, you never know. And then back on our walk up towards Highgate. It's been there forever. Ho, ho, ho. Got nothing. Stop saying you've got nothing. You shut up. Do what I like, it's my show.

My show. like it's my show my show and now on cheap show a lecture about brutalism from eli silverman please as we walk past the highbury magistrate's court building which has a particular brutalist vibe tell us why eli so many of them were built thus um i think it's to do with the expansion of this sort of the state after the Second World War. They had to rebuild the whole state, didn't they? And they built the NHS, for example. But they also, you know, enlarged the rule of law and those institutions. And so that's why you get, in London especially, a lot of court buildings built in the brutalist or late modernist style. Like this example, which has lovely modular concrete window recesses,

which I think were probably prefab concrete and brought here. Prefab sproles? Right, that's it, you've defeated me. Paul, lovely building that I'm touching your elbow. This is my brutalism grip. Now we're at the top of Holloway Road. We've been past the library corner. Were we disappointed by Marie Curie?

No, it was Marie Curie, yeah, you're right. It was an interesting selection, but nothing that actually made me jump out and go, I must have it. They definitely throw away all the interesting stuff that's a bit worn there. Well, that place used to be a little bit grottier a year or so ago, and then I've noticed they've done a refit of it to make it look more respectable. But it just means you're less likely to find anything of real interest, if you ask me.

Well, maybe. I mean, there was lots of dollhouse furniture, and that's quite odd and interesting. You like dollhouse furniture, don't you? I'm not that into it anymore. It makes you feel like a giant man. I don't need to feel like a giant man. You do. I'm happy with who I am.

I'm happy with my genitals. Are you? Yes, I'm happy with the set of genitals God has given me, Paul. Well, I tell you what, right. We need to find a place to sit down because I've also brought some Christmas presents. Oh, yes. There's a little park up here.

Perfect. Yeah? Yeah. And we can open one batch of them on that way, yeah? Yeah. Some have been sent from Yven, Yven who does the Cheap Show magazine and an all-round raconteur of the fascinating.

And also, I think, a present from a guy called Gary. I'll have to double-check that. But we'll open a few of those now. Double-check what? That he sent us a present or he's called Gary. I'll have to double-check that. But we'll open a few of those now. That he sent us a present, or he's called Gary, or what? I'm pretty sure he is Gary, and he sent a present. But I'd have to double-check to check that my facts are correct. All of those facts, or his name? All the facts.

So there could be no one called Gary who didn't send any present? What's the fucking hell going on? I'm just asking which facts you want to check. All of them. All right, so that's, yes. So there could be no present from no one. Not even a Gary. Yeah, but then I'll find that out by finding out there are presents.

My hair is all tangled. What do you want me to do about that? Maybe don't have such a horrible mucky long hair that you have to tear out like a yeti. There's a park just there, look. Oh, yeah, let's go in there. Let's go in that park. Let's go and do that now.

Which one is it? St Mary Magdalene's Church and Gardens. Yeah, it's quite large. There's no crossing. All right, do you want to go down to a crossing? Yeah, let's go down to a crossing. I'm very cross about that. Oh.

Oh, there's a bus stop. Number 43, bus coming past all the way down to Lundon Bridge. A lot of Chinese restaurants and there's a Chinese grocer up here with some great noodles. Some lovely charity shops up this way as well. On the Holloway Road stretch. Vegan restaurants they have here.

It's quite a varied and rich neighbourhood, actually, Holloway Road. Yeah, but there is a bit of a battle on between the working class people who live here and then the kind of students and the kind of ideas to update the high street and make it more approachable to the middle classes. Yes, but that's what gives it its kind of interest because there's kind of a diversity still. Yeah. Which hasn't been totally gentrified it isn't like pristine no not at all oh look there's a crossing and there's the entrance to welcome to hope church saint mary magdalene is a nice old church actually it's great lovely around here yeah

all right cool let's go in there then we'll set up do a little bit of a chat with the presence is that shakespeare no it's a library. No, look. Who's that bloke there? Where? Oh, that could be Shakespeare. That looks Shakespearean. It does look very Shakespearean.

Built in 19 Anno Domini 06. 19 06. It's a bit overwrought, isn't it? Islington Central Library. Got Britannia up there. It's all very ornate. Oh, there, what does that say? Spencer? Oh there's a sign underneath. So that might say Shakespeare. Let me walk a bit. No, it's Bacon. Bacon, oh how funny that we said Shakespeare but it was Bacon. Because if you don't know, a lot of people claim that Bacon in fact wrote Shakespeare's plays. Yeah. But that's not true.

No, Shakespeare didn't exist. So, this stone was laid by Alderman Henry Mills, J.P. Mayor of Islington, on June 16th, 1906. And then a bunch of other names underneath for the architects and people and such and chairman of the committees. Impressive, but don't you think a bit overwrought? A bit too much? A Duff Brown. That's someone's name. A Duff Brown. Lib much? A Duff Brown. That's someone's name. Jay, a Duff Brown. Librarian. Duff Brown.

Why is that funny? That's not funny. It is funny, isn't it? It's fundamentally funny to be called Duff Brown. No, it's not. What's so funny about it? Duff Duff Brown. Dush Dush Brown.

Dush Dush Brown. No, Paul. Yeah? What's funny about this is it's built with that stone, which makes it look like it's new still. But it's not. Look at these fluted, ornate bits. Look, it looks really new.

Over 100 years old. That's what's striking about some of these buildings. And just there, there's a... where someone's even had a big puke on the wall. So, all right, let's cross over and set up. Ooh, it's an urban London Christmas walk. Hark, I hear the church bells ring, Eli. Ding dong, ding dong, my dick's

this long. I'm sorry. You're not though, are you? I know. Look, there's a ghost sign there. Come. Coffee? Cobwebs? Cow, cow deal? Because it is coffee, maybe. It is coffee. I think it is coffee. It's a Greek restaurant now, but at some point it was a coffee shop. It's coffee maybe. It is coffee. I think it is coffee. Yeah. It's a Greek restaurant now but at some point it was a coffee shop. It's called Greek Mama. That's not a very good name for anything. After that same tournament which I won ten years ago, isn't that crazy that I came back? Are you still going on about your fucking poker win? And congratulations and all.

But it's been the only thing you've talked about this whole fucking walk. It's about time it stops. Congratulations, you won what? Was it 300 quid? 400? 400. And you had to give half of it away to your mate who you owe how much to? Well, now it's 600.

It was eight. I've been playing open-faced Chinese poker with him every Monday for seven years or something and he's finally getting his money back yes in drips and drabs

in drips and drabs but you know that's the way it goes well good I'm glad your win was slightly pyrrhic

what do you mean pyrrhic in that it was a victory but you had to give half of it away so what did you really win

I won self respect as a good friend who pays his debts back debatable it's not debatable I paid you back that money I owed you you really win. But I won self-respect as a good friend who pays his debts back. Debatable. It's not debatable.

I paid you back that money I owed you after six years. After six years, yeah. Well, you got it though, didn't you? Yes, no, that's true. That's true. God, those parakeets

can fuck off, can't they? Fucking hell. They, well, you know. They're ruining my sunshine. There is no sunshine here. There is no sunshine. It's a very grey, wintry day.

I like it. I like the vibe. Okay, so we've decided to go for... Is this the vibe Okay, so we've decided to go for... It's exactly the vibe I wanted. We've decided to postpone until later in the episode Yven's much appreciated presence. And we're going to go from maybe Gary, maybe exists presence.

I can tell you right now because I took a picture of the letter because I didn't want to bring it in case I lost it. Right, here we go. Fuck you. Right, it says, To Paul, Biffo, Eli and Sanya, because you says to paul biffo eli and sanya because he also sent stuff for biffo and sanya but uh nick their stuff no it's just in my flat stuff i keep saying i can drop it off from there and biff is always like oh i'm too busy or whatever he says he sounds like fagan from uh no he doesn't sound like that's the way you're doing it. I've not got to pick a pocket or two. Yes, that's the voice you just did.

I was trying to do Venus. Right, anyway. Thank you for all the great content and getting me past a hard time. Wishing you all the best in New Year and Merry Xmas from Gary. Gary, thank you very much. Thank you.

Glad that we've helped you there. P.S., it's not much, but hopefully you'll like it. Do we like it? Well, we don't know, but it's the gesture that matters. I'll be the judge of that, Gary. I might not like it. I don't like a lot of stuff, and he likes even less than me. That's true.

So you're up against it. You're up against it, Paul. And even when you do secretly like something, you've got these barriers up that stop you from fucking... I've had my heart broken too many times, mate. That's why my wall's up. Yes, your walls are very much up. It's going to take a while.

How many of these are there? Can I open it? Just one each. Oh, there's one for each of us? Eli, so do the game where you have to feel it and have a guess. Oh, and now touch the present, Eli. It feels like a toy. Like it has different... I don't want to give it too rough of a handling because...

There you are. It might, but there seems to be appendages on a central object. It feels like a rattle or something of that nature. Or maybe a... It feels like something which has springy arms. That's why I'm going to go out there. You know, like a dangly-dangly arm thing. What about one of those things where you press the button and it all goes limp?

That's the sort of idea. You know what I mean. Good, nice, specific... Those men. Yeah, or horses or whatever sometimes. How do you remember those? I used to love them because I spent my whole time springing them up and down. Limp hard, limp hard, limp hard. I'll put you a button.

Oh, it's extra wrapped on the inside with a sandwich bag. Sandwich bag is what that is. Oh, what is it? Oh, I think it's confectionery actually looking closer. Oh, what's all this then? Looks like a fridge magnet. Oh several items everyone. It's several items, lucky old Eli.

This looks good actually. Nicely wrapped Gary, well done. So I'm going to go for this, caught my attention. Oh. It's a fridge magnet. It's not just that, who's on it? Hulk Hogan. It's a Hulk Hogan fridge magnet.

He's carrying a surfboard. His real name's Terry. Yes, I just that. Who's on it? Hulk Hogan. It's a Hulk Hogan fridge magnet. He's carrying a surfboard. His real name's Terry. Yes, I know that. And it says Hogan's Beach Shop, Hogan's Gym, Home. It's a sign he's standing next to. Right. Hogan's Beach Bar, everything. It's a Hogan world.

Clearwater, Florida. Was he from Florida? I mean maybe maybe or maybe he had a restaurant there for a small while hogan's yeah and it probably lasted about a year before going on there because financial that is an extremely kitsch piece though it's in molded rubber yeah i like you like it i like it i think it's it's got a charm and we've also got one other item this is looks like it's Japanese oh yeah wine bottle erasers is what this is oh that's cool so I open the outside come on get your fingers off I'll get it flew. It flew off. I'll get it. Oh, there's a third thing, which I won't mention yet.

All right. These are, yes, a set of three wine bottle-shaped erasers. Nice detailing. They have a little cap that comes off. Look. It's all right. No smell. You've got a yellow one.

No smell. Those fucking parakeets, man. Are they based on a proper drink, like there's Rio? It says Rio. They all got a yellow one. No smell. Those fucking parakeets, man. Are they based on a proper drink? It says Rio. They all say Rio. 1888 Eraser. It says Rio cocktail. Yeah. They're nice.

They are nice. Oh, those are really nice. There's a yellow one, a fluorescent green one. I like the fluorescent green one. And an orange. Because they do look like glass bottles. They've got that translucency I like. Those are very nice. Nicely spotted, Gary. Those are good. those are good lovely gary well done might throw away the packaging yeah and just put them

up as freestanding because they look better out of the box don't they agreed all right and i've got one other item in here all right which seems to be a little figurine which i'm into this nice size i like the smaller figurine yeah Yeah, you do. Oh, it is. It's a fucking zombie astronaut with a skull head. Yeah, it is. You can see photos. Yeah, there'll be photographs

on the website and Twitter and Instagram. He's got a transparent helmet on and you can see the... Is that it? Yeah.

Alright, my turn then. I have a little packet. Shall I get my little packet out, Eli? Yeah, but also we need to look at the present. Oh, ding, ding, ding. Did you give your bell to your girlfriend, by the way? Yes. And it hasn't stopped ringing and I want to smash the fuck out of it.

Literally, I'm having a poo. Ding, ding, ding. You know what I mean? It's like, don't ding me on the toilet, love. It's a no-ding time. It's at least a minute, minute 30. You need a bell to... I've done a lot to wipe time.

You need a bell to ding to say there's no dinging for the rest. There needs to be more of a dong. A no-ding bell. A dong bell. A dong bell to reply. Ding-a-ding-ding. Dong. Like the fucking frog or whatever.

Ding-a-ding-ding-ding-ding. Dong-dong-dong. Ding-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Anyway, I'm going to fill this package. Oh, I think I know what it is. What do you feel? Well, I'm not going to reveal it because it's better to open it, but I'm definitely, definitely 100% sure I know what it is.

I think there are badges on here. Right, let's open this up. Again, nicely wrapped, Gary. Oh, what's this? Oh. up again nicely wrapped Gary oh it's this oh it's a little selection of badges by a lot of things oh look at this there's some stickers there's a Ghostbusters Ectocon Glasgow oh yeah a couple of people I vaguely know in Glasgow do the Ghostbusters convention, EctoCon, and there's a sticker. Oh, nice.

Glasgow, Saturday, May 7th, 2022. Glasgow. Glasgow. Trades Hall. Nice sticker. Does it say glow because of the EctoPleasant? No, I'm just saying for that. You can't say it like that.

There's a little... Oh, no, it's a little... It's a button badge, but it's got pins on the back, so that's all right. That still counts. That's a pin badge? No, I mean, you know what I mean. Enamel.

I like the enamel, but that's all right because at least it's got pins i can put it on my board yeah that's another ectocon pin that's a nice reasonable badge nice again matches the sticker what next another what's this is this a magnet an earnest why do people keep selling earnest things crystal lake oh that's a fake horror movie that doesn't exist. But wait, didn't we talk about Ernest at the beginning of this video? I have a badge that says that same thing, but it doesn't have that picture on. It must be a... Is it like a fan film that they've made? It's more like an online goof,

where it's like, imagine Ernest went to Camp Crystal Lake. Which is where Friday the 13th... Yeah, Jason Voorhees. So it's a magnet. But didn't we talk about Ernest at the top of this show? Didn't I say Ernest goes to jail? Yeah, we... Ernest, yes. Weirdly. Weird about Ernest at the top of this show didn't I say Ernest goes to jail in earnest yes weirdly weird oh Ernest keep popping up he always does oh this keep the hits keep coming oh it's just oh there's two pins oh why do you get all the pins it's a merry christmas

uh snowman enamel pin badge it's all right I like that going on the board yeah everything goes on the board but now I've got a second board for things that don't quite go on the first. Oh, look! A second tier board. Oh, there's a Ghostbusters 2 pin with Viggo the Carpathian. That's good, isn't it? Have you seen that before? No.

Is that the best item so far? Might be. I think it is. It's just so incongruous. It's a bad Photoshop turned into a badge. Yes, but if you had to pick one of all of the items that Gary gave you... Yeah, I'd pick the Ghostbusters 2 pin with Vigo. Oh, what a lovely, lovely selection of Ghostbusters themed pinage.

Thanks very much, Gary. I liked my presents too. Yeah, thank you, Gary. They're brilliant. Pictures on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Right, where are we off to now? It's getting dark. Have you noticed that all of a sudden?

Shall we sink a cocktail? On me, because of my winnings. All right, let's do a quick cocktail then, and then we'll walk. All right? All right, beautiful. Shut down. What are you going to have?

A martini? I might have, if they have it, the last word. Oh, they can probably do you a last word. Hopefully. Otherwise, what kind of fucking cocktail bar are they? We'll have a look. They'll not be serving.

I mean, what is it? Exactly. It's five o'clock, isn't it? Is it five already? No, it's not. It's like three or four it's a respectable time it's actually twenty to four grown adults

and it's what's that margaritaville it's five o'clock in the afternoon somewhere or something that's what they say isn't it yeah but they're terrible I know

but the idea is it's party time somewhere isn't it it's always a party time somewhere like in my pants it's always party time in my pants you should see always party time in my pants.

You should see the disco ball. What kind of party is it? It's a great big pink disco ball that rotates spraying white light. Oh, do you know

there's a series on the BBC about disco? No. It may be very good. Oh, I don't care. Right. You do care.

I know. I actually really don't. Do you care about anything? Yeah, cocktails, cocktails, cocktails, cocktails, cocktails. What is the last word? It's a bit long, though, isn't it? What do you mean? I mean, it's quite voluminous.

I don't think so. Not the one I had, anyway. It's a short drink. Yeah. All right. Anyway, we're off to get a Christmas cocktail. It's got rum in it. No, it's a...

What is the last word? It's got something in that I wanted to try, and I had tried it, and it was lovely. Was it vermouth? I think it's got vermouth in it. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people... Anyway, look, we're going for a last word. It's got something in that I wanted to try, and I had tried it, and it was lovely. Was it vermouth? I think it's got vermouth in it. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people have said vermouth. Anyway, look, we're going for a Christmas cocktail. Oh, another policeman.

So, see you after this little break. Cheap show update. It was fucking closed, and we can't get in. Now I've got a longing. I've got cocktail blue balls, mate. Well, I'm sure we'll be able to find somewhere to get a cocktail. This is London. It's a 24-hour city. Apart from Sundays.

So the double problem with the fact that that place was closed, I really need a piss now. Yeah, I need it. Mentally, I was kind of like letting the barriers down inside my bladder. And now that I've opened a few gates. Yeah. I'm on a full nine and a half now. My canal boat needs to come out of the dock.

Into the lock. I've fucked that metaphor up. The point is I need to slash my dick off. No, that means nothing either. I need to go wee. Just say I need to wee. You need to wee. Just say I need to wee, Paul.

Stop making it complicated. Now we're sort of walking along parallel to Holloway Road there. And we're going to rejoin it and go walk up to Archway. We might cheat, we've said. Well, we never said we weren't going to take a bus or anything for this walk. So I don't think it's no problem. It's very steep, Hargate Hill. Oh.

Blue Park. Park. The Hugh Knot Society. Huguenot. Huguenot. Peter Papalou. Eminent bird artist. Ah, fuck him.

Ah, there we go. He's a bird artist. Bird artist. Con artist, more like. Why? What have you got against people who draw birds? Save Lungs on Liverpool Road. Oh, they're doing a thing about...

Bird artist lived here, everyone. Bird artist. I mean, bird artists probably were more important then than they are now. Because, you know, back then it was a way of cataloguing them and sharing them with the rest of the people in the country via books. But more importantly, it didn't involve slaughtering them wholesale, which is what they did, isn't it? Stuck them in hats and shit.

They literally, they fucking... Anyway. Look at that lovely bird, darling. What a delightful challenge. Stab it in the head and put it in my fucking hat. Shoot it. They shot them all. They used to... We're going to wind our way back onto Hullway Road. lovely bird darling, what a delightful challenge, stab it in the head and put it in my fucking hat. Shoot it, they shot them all.

They used to tie me. We're going to wind our way back onto Hullway Road. Yeah, which way's the best way? Up that little road there? Yeah, we could keep skirting if you like. I'm happy to skirt but I thought we could pop out where the charity shops are and have a little nose. Let's go just down, let's skirt one more and then go.

Alright cool, alright well that's that then, that's the update, no cocktails for us. There's a lollipop lady there. Yeah lollipop lady. All right, calm down. Anyway, we're getting on the bus now, ladies and gentlemen. There we go. We're on the 43. Yep, heading up to Highgate now. Why do you have to... Oh, I'm sitting here. I'm not going to sit right at the back with him. It's too far back. You're a lazy man. No, this is better for me. The driver has been told to wait at this bus stop.

Oh, good one, Paul. Good one. Well chosen. It's because the bus in front... Well, look, the plan is... I like sitting here. And if you... It's a free country.

If you want to go to the back of the bus, go do it. But right now, I'm happy sitting here, all right? Waiting for the bus to move. Can I just say, this is the worst episode of this podcast we've ever done. Can I just say, after the debauchery of last week's episode, this is actually quite a pleasant and tranquil... Yes, it's very pleasant.

Pleasant and tranquil walk. Is it satisfying to make fun of people's vocal tics and things like that? Is that a mature thing to do? Like you attacking that woman who obviously had mental health issues that you thought would be funny to make fun of? Do you enjoy belittling other people who aren't you so you can feel good? Unlike you, I'm a person who's capable of feeling schadenfreude, but also, critically, I'm an empathic person

and I'm not someone who actually rejoices in the misfortunes and also career misfortunes of your closest friends and actually makes you unhappy when people around you have success in the realm of career

and romance the problem I would state there is I wouldn't attack it success. Is this where it's coming to? In the realm of career and romance. The problem I would state there is I wouldn't attack it if there wasn't anything there to attack. What are you talking about? Choices you make on a daily basis in your life lead you to a position where I can openly mock you.

That's not why you've skirted the issue again. No, we're off. We're moving by the way now. This is the London bus that goes from London Bridge to... Well, it does descend.

I will say. I will say in a minute. Budge off a bit. I'm already budged in. We've got a beautiful old Odeon we're passing. Holloway Odeon. It's now called the Lux.

Yeah, because I think they give you cocktails when you're sitting. They're trying to compete with the Everyman or whatever. All of the big chains are doing that. Which is fine. Justifies the price hike. I mean, it's the end of the multiplex as a sort of thing, really. I mean, they exist still, but in London especially, they've all been going for this more luxury experience vibe.

I'm not going to the cinema again regularly until they ban phones. Godzilla minus one, mate. Meant to be good. Yeah. Haven't got time to go. Maybe I'll go in between Christmas and New Year's. I don't, though, because I'm working like crazy over Christmas. And I'm hopefully finishing my fucking book as well.

So, you know. Close. I bought a DVD from Sex. Quater Mass in the Pit by Nigel Neill. I believe this is the Hammer version. Yeah, I don't know. It's the one with Judith Kerr. Yeah.

It was the film that helped break Hammer into the big leagues where they could go on with Hammer, all their horror films and such after that. This is sci-fi. Yeah. But it's quite horror-y. It's apocalyptic almost. It's got a sense of like

the end of the world to it but also has a sort of weird did you ever watch was it Doomwatch on BBC back in the day

I mean it was before my time but I remember watching repeats and Doomwatch was basically imagine John Pertwee's Doctor Who

but without any of the sci-fi it was all ecological doomsday prepper end of the world kind of things

but there was no sci-fi at all it was set in the modern day. It was set in the 70s and I believe it's all things like chemical warfare, terrorist plots, computer hacking. It's like very early keeping the apocalypse at bay. So like espionage thriller but

yeah. Do you remember the survivors? No. I was going to say it's a bit tonally like the survivors. No. Oh, OK. I was going to say, it's a bit tonally like The Survivors.

Oh, there you go. Two. Brian Barnett. I can't think of... Where is that? That is... It's just past... Do you know when we went on the Magical Picnic tour? Yeah.

New Southgate. You just go further north from there, up there. Ah. Towards Barnet, basically. I'm not going to record this whole bus journey. Good. Glad you're letting me. Look, we are going through Archway now.

Which, again, was a bit of a stomping ground. We're not at Archway yet. No, but like I said, we're going through Archway now. Which again was a bit of a stomping ground. We're not at Archway yet. No, but I said we're going through it any minute now. What's all those tents? Oh no, it's just those. You thought those were tents? Well, because on the reflection on the other side of the building, I thought, on the road, the reflection made it look like there was like tents on that side.

It doesn't matter. I think I'm getting a fever. All right. Can I get a medal for it, please, or something? By the way, someone said on Twitter today, Matty saw a picture of you in your hat and said it's nice for us to have a Christmas gnome on our walk this year. Yes, very funny, Matty. Ha ha ha.

And then he took his hat off because I think he's self-conscious about it. So, you know, that's nice. You know, it's a burden, I bear, having sartorial panache. You blur. I bear, Paul. There's lots of Thai restaurants up here. I do sometimes buy fresh kimchi up here. I'm going to go past a station that's on my line, the Goblin line,

Gospel to Barking, Gospel Oak to Barking. Upper Holloway is the station. And there is a place that does fresh kimchi. Homemade. Ochoa was also the place I used to go to get weed. Was it? Yeah, I remember. That guy used to be there. By the estate. Our previous guy.

And I had to wait at a bus stop for three and a half hours just on the off chance he would remember I was there and then drop it off. It wasn't very convenient, was it? I mean, it was because it was a quick bus journey down the road from where I lived. But then when you got there, you said, right, I'll just wait here for you. And then 45 minutes would go past and then an hour. And then you'd message him and heard nothing.

And then you go, well, shall I leave? And then you say another half an hour. And then you hear from him saying he's on his way. And then another half an hour goes past. And the next minute, you know know it's like close to midnight you've been outside this one bus stop for ages and you think is it worth it because you've got an addiction problem the answer is yes it is so so them's the brakes

See now, I've got to press stop. Right, well we had to get off the bus for many reasons. One, I was getting sick and tired of this one bus we picked, stopping and starting and changing drivers. And then the other issue was that gentleman who had the obvious mental health issues, who was kind of ominous in his behaviour as well. There was something slightly menacing about it, wasn't there? Yeah. But God bless him.

I mean, not much you can do about it, really, end of the day. It didn't help that you thought he was saying addicted to war, but he was in fact responding to you saying I was addicted problem and he said addicted to what? And you were like, stroll on. Well, what else could I say? Because we're obviously at odds. We're obviously at odds in what we're talking about.

You were like, stroll on, mate. I didn't say stroll on to him. I literally had the recording of me saying not stroll on. He said that, but at least that was like in relation to something he'd overheard you say. Yeah. But then he said you could change the tectonic plates and bring Columbia next to...

Yeah, I mean... Something very odd. I did record that bit, but he did say something about moving the planet to make it easier for me to get cigarettes. Yeah. Something like that. Very strange.

Either way. But with all that and the bus stops and the driver, and I just thought, you know what? Let's get off the bus. Yes, it's our decision, Daniel. It was our decision, Daniel. Then let's get off the bus yes it's our decision daniel it was our decision daniel we can get off the bus so we did so we're going to wait for another 43 in four minutes right at the top of holloway road where it becomes archway very soon and archway is really noisy and messy so that's why i thought we'd get the bus through it and up it

um we get another 43 in four minutes you want to want to do that? Does that go right up the hill? Yeah. It goes to Highgate Station, so we can just get off there. Well, no, you should get off before, because the park and everything is before that. Oh, OK, well, then we'll do that, then. Does it actually go right up the hill this side? It goes right up to Highgate Wood, then turns right and goes all the way along to Muswell Hill then after that. The 263 goes straight up to East Finchley.

So that's where the 43 is fine if we're just going to go to Highgate because it goes as far as Highgate Wood then churns. All right so let's just wait for a bus then. Then we can open more uh a presence from a vent. We've got that to do. Where are we going to do that? Somewhere. Maybe near Highgate Cemetery, maybe. Something like that. Will the park be open after dark? Well, then, a park. Well, Matt, perhaps the parks aren't open after dark. I still haven't been for a wee.

I haven't been for a wee now as well. Everyone's in a bad mood. I'm not in a bad mood, but you know when you just think, oh... Jog on, mate. I didn't say jog. I did not say jog onto a man. You said, no, I've got nothing. You basically said to him, I've got nothing. I'm like, no, I didn't say jog. I did not say jog on to a man. You said, no, I've got nothing. You basically said to him, I've got nothing.

I was like, no, I didn't get that. Because what am I going to do? Have a conversation with a guy who I think... He had Jim James on. He had Jim James bottoms on. He did. And you know when you think, any conversation I have is going to sound like I'm taking the piss right now.

Yeah, no, it's fine. And I don't want to have that. Fine. So I was kind of suggesting to him, we're at loggerheads in terms of where this conversation's going. Yeah, can't go on. Can I now quietly ignore your presence

and just get off this bus? But it's a pitfall of openly recording a podcast on the top deck of a bus. That probably drew all his attention. It totally did

because you would, yeah. Yeah. On the bright side, he didn't get off and try and join this podcast. No, he wasn't interested. He cackled to himself.

He had headphones on. Yeah. I think he was quite quite you know, in his own little world, so. He was very interested in what you were addicted to. Yeah, but again, circumventing all of that to move on. Right, three minutes till the 263.

Oh, the 263's jumped ahead now. Yeah, it's jumped ahead. Maybe we'll get that. And that's better. Yeah, it is. Yeah. 263's a good, solid, good, solid British jumped ahead now. Yeah, it's jumped ahead. Maybe we'll get that. And that's better. Yeah, it is. Yeah. 263's a good, solid, good, solid British London bus route. Yes, it is. Takes you where you want to go. Barnet Hospital, all the way down to Highbury and Islington.

Actually, I think it goes further than that now, doesn't it? Than Barnet Hospital? No, the other direction. Oh, but this is all pointless. Listen, we're going to sign off and we're going to come back to you once we get to, uh, near Highgate. Oh dear. We're just getting off the 263 bus, which goes a new route now. Oh shit.

Fucking hell. Fuck me. You broke my fucking neck then. It's all coming to shit again, isn't it? Starts off quiet. Starts off placid. Then the wheels come off. Did you have a heavy drinking weekend?

Yes. There's your answer then. Not yesterday though. I've had a day off it. Lucky you. This is St Joseph's we're going past. And the Highgate Cemetery is just there as well. Aye.

Beautiful church, St Joseph's. And it's green copper roof can be seen from Hapsford Heath. Oh. You know, you'd recognise it. Yeah. It's just closed. It got dark real fucking quick. Oh, OK.

Well, then you... If you go up that way, then. That's fine. And then work round the back. That's just it. Oh, yeah. Waterlow Park, which abuts Highgate Cemetery. Get me off the fucking crazy bus full of scary people.

Look, it's the Ghana High bus full of scary people. Look, it's the Ghana High Commission over there. Oh, is it? It's the Ghanaian embassy. Anyway, 263 apparently now goes a completely different route than it was back in my day. Yeah, it never came through Highgate Village at all. Is the park still open? We don't want to get locked in, do we? Let's have a look.

Is there a... Time. Wait, there's time. Park closes at... Wait, that's not right. Four o'clock? Yeah. What have they gone for, though? Yeah, it's closed. Look, you can't get through those.

Oh. Oh. That's a shame. Oh. Oh. There's a pond and shit. It's a beautiful park. Have you ever been in one? No, I've never been.

This is the thing I've never... It's one of the greatest parks in North London, I'd say. Well, what a great way to fucking put that in our podcast, then. We get here, and it's close. Well, we're going to have to find a bench maybe up in the village, then. Yeah, we can do that. Okay. All right, let's carry on walking, then.

So there, Waterlow Park. So, oh, it's very steep, this hill, isn't it? This used to have a tram up and down it, didn't it, back in the day? It did, and it was one of those trams where you... A cable, wasn't it? Yeah. They pulled it up, yeah. Pulled it up and dropped it down.

And, um... Channing School for Girls here on the right. Very posh. Oh, yeah. And that's Lauderdale House. What about... What shall I know about it? It's the house that's in Waterlow Park, where my friend Nick's funeral was held there, actually.

Oh, OK. He's buried inside Highgate Cemetery. Is it expensive to be buried there? Yeah, I think it's really difficult. Because it's kind of got this prestige about it, because of its age and it's one of the... Absolutely, yeah, but they still do bury people. Well, no, yeah. Large swathes of the graveyard are closed to the public without... Half of it's one of them yeah but they still do bury people well no yeah

large swathes of the graveyard are closed to the public without half of it in fact yeah unless you go on a tour i want to see there's this bit called the what's it called the parade of lebanon or something or the the curve of lebanon or lebanon terrace or something okay and it's like this huge ornate crypt essentially right it's like a street for the dead it's that ornate it's like this huge ornate crypt, essentially. It's like a street for the dead. It's that ornate. It's beautiful. Oh, God. See, yeah, I would generally like to do a proper tour of Highgate Cemetery,

but is this what's behind all here, or is this the park? Yeah, that's the park. So this big wall we're going against. Yeah. Right. Oh. I mean, we're nearly at Highgate, which, you know, strictly speaking,

is the end of our walk, but we're going to open events presents and... There's some benches in the square. The squire. The squire. Yeah? Yeah, and then we should go for a nice pub. Well, there's a Duke's Head up here.

All right. And we can end there in a nice pub and have a nice sign-off and... Because we were going to talk about the episodes of the year and stuff and what we thought about, but fuck that. It's been a good year, though, right? Let's just briefly say, I think, in terms of content,

it's been a good year. Your Envision, the live show, the wedding, Red Knob Day, wrapping up all the plot stuff LA the World Cup award we won the podcast that was really good so you know in many respects eight years in Eli

not bad innings in terms of content for Cheap Show this year yeah but yeah not a bad year but why do you have to keep calling it content it's like something

it's like the content of a of a toilet yeah don't get me wrong I agree I agree I don't like that it's been a good year of podcasts that sounds better it's been a good of a of a toilet yeah don't get me wrong I agree I agree I don't like that it's been a good year of podcasts that sounds better

it's been a good year of cheap show entertainment yeah there you go thank you glad I came up with that oh it looks spooky in there there's the pub yeah that's Waterloo Park

it's a beautiful park oh shame there's ponds little bridges you know it's all on the side of the hill obviously there's the Duke's Head there

alright okay how about we end there, then? We go for a drink in there, and we wrap up this episode, and indeed this year's of Cheap Show, with a nice drink. How about that? Sweet. So then, let's see if we can find a nice bench near the park. Oh, in the square.

In the square, yeah. Oh, it's a very Christmassy part of London, this, because it's quite old-fashioned old London. There's a radio telescope there. The radio... Oh, yeah. There's a big radio tower up here in Highgate. Makes sense to put it here, right?

Yeah. It's the top of a hill. Top of a bloody hill. Pizza Depressed over there. Pizza the what? Pizza Depressed. Oh, Express, who he did there. Very witty man, aren't you?

Christmas trees. Yeah, Express. See what you did there. Very witty man, aren't you? Christmas trees. Yeah, look at this. This is the Christmassy vibe you want, innit? I told you it'd be a good place to finish. I'm gonna take a little picture. Hang on. You Dessert, that's called. No, You Dessert. No, You make me the dessert. You fuck. You Dessert. You Dessert.

I don't wanna be the first to dessert. You Dessert. You're the worst dessert I've ever first... I've slugged onto some ice cream. I've squirted on your churst. Churst? On your churst. Oh, you're the first to squirt on my churst. Just deserts.

Just deserts, that. Spunky thing. Merry jerk-mus, jerk-mus, and a happy new... Drear. Fuck me. We're all completely out of content, aren't we? Stop saying content. Content. I am content bot. What does that say?

Al-ba-dom-ba-dom-ba-bop. That must have been the name of a shop that isn't here anymore, eh? Aberdeen. Nonslip. Nonslip. I know, it's the manufacturer of the pavement. Isn't that cool?

It's nonslip pavement. There's a metal lettering inside the paving slab here. Think about it sense right it's a it's on a hill Steve some non-slips you've got to get some non-slip sidewalk before you jerk on my cheers oh but I never do you know what I don't think while we've been doing cheap show I've never popped a high gate for an exploration of their charity shops but I'm going to guess they're quite costly. No, it's not that bad. I mean, it's the same, really, as the rest of London. Oh. Yeah, I found some nice crime novels up here.

Did you? Yeah, here's the square on the left. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Here we are. Oh, isn't it Christmasy here? Yeah. Oh, it's nice. Look at this.

There's a fairy lights all around the square. Everyone's got their bunting up. Let's cross over. Oh. Oh. Here we go. There's a toilet block there. Is there? Yeah. It's like we were meant to end up here because uh fuck me my bladder oh but they are well right classy i mean oh there's a there's an ox back of the bookshop public toilets open no why would you do that why would do that? What if someone gets snubbed off? That's why we closed it. It's shut, isn't it? Yeah, it is shut.

I'm pissing off it. All right, well, great. Thanks for that. Prince of Wales. Oh, yeah, it's nice. It is like a little Christmassy square, this. Yeah, so we'll do it off your bench sometime. Oh.

All right, he's going to go for a slash, and I'm not going to record him this time. I know. I'm not going to record him this time. I know. I'm going to stand in the middle of this square though. Take some video footage. Wrap that up. God, right up against a tree like a savage. Right, oh.

Oh. Oh. Five o'clock, oh! There's another bell. Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho! I wish it was snowing but you can't have everything. Anyway, two bells went off.

It's nice, that's a good sign, isn't it? Oh, shut up! Paul, shut up! Paul, shut up! Shut up, Paul! Ah, here we are. Highgate Square. And lovely what they've done with the fairy lights and those little baskets and things. It's given it a real nice Christmassy vibe. It's quite subtle, isn't it?

Yeah. But it is very... it's the super rich live around here, Paul. Oh, they're very affluent. I mean, Les Dennis lives around here. Does he? I've seen Les Dennis here once or twice. Do you think he's still around here? Yeah. Probably.

Probably. Probably still paying the mortgage because they have really expensive houses. Yeah. And, you know, Amanda Holden took all that Les Dennis money. Did she? All that catchphrase money or family fortunes or whatever the fuck it is. He wasn't on catchphrase. No, it was family fortunes, wasn't it?

You're close. It was. But you're not quite right. It's close, but you're not quite right. It was family fortunes, yeah. Who did he take over from? Bob Monkhouse. No.

There was someone in between. Matty Kelly. No. Dale Winton. No. I'll give you a clue. I want to tell you a story. I'm a pink toothbrush.

Oh, Max Bygraves. Yeah. Oh, Max Bygraves? Yeah. What? Max Bygraves did it after Bob Monkhouse for a bit, and then Les Dennis took over. I thought Bygraves was dead before... No, no, he died in the 90s, that guy. So he'd been doing some family fortunes.

Anyway, look, that's besides the point. He did I'm a pink toothbrush, you're a blue toothbrush. Yeah, apparently. I'm a blue toothbrush. Yeah. What's that song about? About two toothbrushes, and they fall in love in a pot over a sink. Oh, apparently. I'm a blue toothbrush. Yeah. What's that song about? About two toothbrushes and they fall in love in a pot over a sink.

Oh, fuck off, Max Bygones. Max Bygones apparently was a very hateful human being. Really? Like, apparently no one has a good thing to say about him. He was cheap and cruel and bitter. And he hated other people's success. I mean, I can't tell you any stories categorically are true, but when I've spoken to people about it,

they've always said, what a cunt. Sometimes there's people in showbiz that just people have nothing good to say about them. And all the old ladies loved him, right? And he fucking despised his audience. Oh, really, one of those, yeah. And yet he churned out album after album of sing-alonger max. Absolute pap.

Yeah. Sing-alonger cunt. Right, so then Superstar event sent us some Christmas presents. Superstar. I'm going to let you open yours. And this is one. Thank you very much. So to come apart a little bit. Oh, look, it's a nice paper bag. I think this... Oh, it's some kind of... What is it? ...figure.

It's a pot noodle, everyone. It's a pot noodle, everyone. It's a spongy pot noodle, man. Oh my God, it's obscene, but yes. That's fucking great.

Thank you very much. I love that. Ned Noodle, he's got a name. Has he got Ned Noodle? Isn't that Dusty Bin called Ned? No, that's...

It's called Dusty Bin. I'm thinking Ted, Ted Rogers. His stage name was Dusty Bin, but it's really... You know, sometimes the dogs in films, even though they don't...

Yeah, they don't say the dog's name in the film, but they're still... The dog's character has a name. The fourth lassie was Brutus. Yes. This is all in that horrible... What's its sponge? It's like a bendy bully, isn't it?

Yeah. It's one of those things. But it's got white Mickey Mouse gloved cartoon hands and eyes, googly eyes. Not literally googly, but that style of portrayal. And the pot noodle is actually raised. Embossed. Embossed.

Yeah. Ex-bossed. Isn't embossing... I don't know. My ex-boss who was a fucking cunt. Yeah, he was a cunt. All my ex-bosses. Vive la revolution yeah was a can oh that's a lovely thing all my ex-bosses

vive la revolution oh yeah it's very spongy and thick it's in very good condition because it must be a 90s thing that is the type of thing

I sort of collect and stuff so thank you very much that can go on the shelf in your living room can't it with all your other dotty things

yeah I think I won't because that might push my flatmate over the edge he's already said oh the living room's becoming too much like your bedroom. You're responsible for this as well.

You are like that green moss from the Crete show. And that makes Rogan Stephen King. Well, if anyone had to portray Stephen King in our group, yes. Right, you've got another little gift now. Great. I'm just going to put Ned back in his... Oh, yeah, put Ned back in here so oh yeah put that back in his packaging and put him in my bag okay yeah bless him thank you then that's a lovely very adorable

thing you might have to take a picture of that for me by the way well let's do it later i mean yeah i know i'm just saying just in case i forget it's back in the time it's back in the bag ho ho ho merry christmas here's the next gift. I think I know what it is by feeling it but... What do you think then? Well I'm not going to tell you, I think it's up for you to describe it and discover. It's noodles. It's noodles. It looks like a big boy. This looks like one big, big brick. Bonussized deck of noodles here. He's tearing into the present. Merry crimbus. Yes, it's noodles.

Kimchi noodle. Oh! I've had these non-shim. Kimchi we've been talking about today as well. Were we talking about kimchi today? Yeah, because you remember saying there's that kimchi place I used to go to. Remember on Holloway? It's a non-shim kimchi noodle.

It is a noodle I've had before. In fact, I had one the other day But in the big pot How is it the gifts that we've been opening Are kind of reminiscent of the things We've been talking about naturally on this walk Because we only have a very sort of narrow Because I'd like to think Just go with me on this

We may be all knowing godlike entities Me and you Might be god Why wouldn't we know we were god No why would we Because god is all knowing So he knows he's God. But... Ah!

But... What kind of God doesn't know they're God? Exactly. Not a good God. What if God was one of us, just a stranger on a bus? Shut up! That's what I'm saying. You just...

Fuck off. Do you like kimchi, then? Is that going to be a good noodle? Oh, no, it's a great noodle, but... What's the brand like? It's not... Nongshim is one of the big korean noodle brands and that's lovely has lots of um nice pieces of dehydrated kimchi in it oh and like i say i had one the other day but the pot noodle

version and do you reckon that was going to be better than no it's the same noodle it's just not in a pot oh all right right now for the presence of n got me now unfortunately i know what event got me because she sent me pictures. So, you know, them's the breaks. But it's going to be fun to unwrap them anyway. Let me get my hands in.

Oh, where are they? Put them all in here. Here's one. There's two. Oh, shit. Fucking Butterfingers gallon. Get your fingers in, you twat.

Here we go. What do you think they are? What do you think they are? These are Game Boy games. Isn't it funny? I can tell. You can just tell. Can I open one? Yeah, you can open one. There's two in this one and one in that one. These are nice black and gold wrapping paper.

Again, very well wrapped. Both Gary and Yvonne. Wrapping game is really unsurpassed. What's that? Trick meat. Track meat. Track meat, yeah, old NES standard. You know, it's like track and field type game. Do you have that before?

No. It's a bit of fun, I'll play it. And what's this one? The Muppets. Oh! A Game Boy Color game, The Muppets. Have you got that before? No. It's a bit of fun. I'll play it. And what's this one? The Muppets. Oh. A Game Boy Color game, The Muppets. Have you got that? No.

And what's this one? Is that any good? Is that rated? I don't know. Is it a platformer? I don't know. I don't know. And then this one is Looney Tunes for the Game Boy.

Oh, that's cool. So one Game Boy, one Game Boy Color, another Game Boy. And you know what the shameful thing? Have you got the machine to play them all? Here's the thing. I did bring something to play it on, but it's too dark now, because you know the Nintendo Game Boy speed

is just fucking awful. But I'm gone. I'm gone. So I've got one here. Have you got a torch? Yeah. Shine it on the screen. I'm going to try it on this.

I'm going to put Looney Tunes in my Game Boy pocket I brought along with me. Maybe we can hear some of the music at least. Oh, yeah, at least we can do that, maybe. Let's turn this on. Hopefully there's enough battery in it. Yeah, red lights come on. Oh, wait, there is that.

That's the screen. Yeah, I'm trying to get the contrast on. There we go. I think this is the one Virgil used to have these. Daffy Duck. This is one of the really early games, right? Yeah, this would have been like 89, 90, something like that. Oh, look.

Yeah, I've played this before. It's a platformer and you're daffing. You have to jump on them. There you go. Yeah, jump. And that's dynamite. It's very like a Mario game, isn't it? It's exactly like a Mario game.

Oh, and there's a little bit of skid in there. Oh, it's the old 70's Sam's. He's shooting at you. Oh, he shot me. He took damage. He didn't die immediately, though. I got him. Hey!

This is terrible. Wait, don't take it off when I'm in the middle of a fucking game! Sorry. Christ. Right, let me put the other one in, because I've got Donkey Kong Land here. That's no good. Don't put Donkey Kong Land in. I don't, Muppets isn't going to play because it's Game Boy Color.

Really? And that's not a Game Boy Color. But I'm going to put this TrackMeat one in. Give me the light. Stop looking at your WhatsApp. There's nothing more important than me right now playing this. Oh, that's a bad sign. Oh, you've got a black bar there. That should have been the Nintendo logo. Oh, that's a bad sign. Oh, you've got a black bar there.

That should have been the Nintendo logo. Oh, that's a bad sign. It's corrupted. I think track meet's corrupted. That's a shame. Oh, look at this. Oh, here we go. We've got some life.

Let me have a look. There's the Nintendo. Interplay. Interplay. You said foreplay, where are you going to say that? Track meet, 91, new game. Oh, fuck off with the new name. Your opponent is Ricky the Barbarian, strength of 100 men and the IQ of a garden snail. So what is this like a kind of, what is this? 100 kind of What is this 100 metres He's just had to bat and bash Uh oh here we go Go

This is really awkward to hold a recorder He's beating the shit out of you He's overtaken Come on come on You've got to keep it up now This is already longer than I expected. Mate, I can't fucking do it. You're not going to be able to do it.

Oh, I did it. Hey! I beat Ricky the Barbarian. What have you done today, eh? Have you beaten Ricky the Barbarian? I've put up with your shit. Give me my Game Boy. Have you given him all?

There's one in the... Right, we're good. I've given you all your Game Boy games. Event, thank you very much for our Christmas thoughtful presents. They shall be enjoyed... correctly. Right. What?

How could you... Well, we won't stick them up our arse, for example. Hey, I won't. You know, that's how you play with something correctly. Oh, did you play with my Game Boy? No, I stuck it up my arse. You didn't play it correctly, did you? I will stick everything up my arse.

You're going to put Ned Noodle up your arse. Put Ned Noodle up your arse. Right. That's it now. Let's sit on this bench and just reflect. Do we have to? No, let's go to the pub and get a drink. Let's go to the pub.

Let's end this year in the pub. I want you to try the... If the barbecue place is open, I'm going to get... What? Their fucking... They have like a uh combo plate yeah ribs yeah chicken wings right and fries and coleslaw but if you fancy the burger they have burgers well let's see what we can do because me and him

we're going to end this year on a high in a nice cozy pub in a nice christmassy part of town and uh we town and we'll sign off there, right? Shall we do a sign off there? Sure. All right, cool. All right then. Thanks, Evan.

Thanks, Gary. Thank you for the presents and thank you. Let's get out of here. Let's go to the pub. Don't do the fake walking. They don't fucking know. They wouldn't have known until you said that. You do it as well.

Oh, he's just walked off. You've actually gone and done it. That's ruined it. That would have worked. You just walk off and you hold the mic like that. Come back, Eli. Come back. All right, I'm stopping it.

I'm stopping it. Right, we're wrapping this up. Oh look, there's a man's face in your beer. Is there? Whose face is it? It's the Bitburger guy. Ah, the Bitburger man. But neither is the drinking Bitburger, which is ironic.

What are you having? I feel bad. The Hauslager. Yeah, I had the Hauslager. I was going to get Pabst Blue because I have an affinity to that. Well, maybe the next round's what you're getting. I'll get that, yeah. So, look, no meat here today.

We picked a Monday meatless day. There is Rack City Ribs. It's a restaurant which is not... It's a separate entity within this place. But they serve within here, yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. So, look, this is it.

We're just going to wrap up, really. We've had a full year. But no ribs. But no ribs. No ribs today for Eli. Oh, dear. So, ribs yet so far. I might get some Turkish ribs later, lamb ribs.

Well, that's fun, isn't it? I've won some money. I feel like I should get that. But Monday, I just realized. Eli's flush. I'm not flush. You missed the money, Bagsy. I bought you this drink. I know. But Monday I just realised... Eli's flush. I'm not flush. You missed the money, Bagsy. I bought you this drink.

I know! Thank you. Well... But traditionally, Chinese restaurants also shut on Mondays. Because they don't want to take a weekend day off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Mondays is their day off. Yeah.

It's their weekend. Yeah, yeah. It's very hard to find a Chinese restaurant off yeah yeah yeah so Mondays is their day off yeah it's their weekend yeah yeah it's very hard to find a Chinese restaurant open on a Monday well read about it no no that's fine

it seems like it's kind of a big hang up for you right so let's end this let's end do you have any final thoughts

oh by the way apparently it was Pond Square right yes the square room was not Highgate Square it's Pond Square but they must have filled in the pond. I think they did it in the 60s. A long time ago.

I mean, there used to be a ghost story about the pond, that it was haunted by a chicken or a headless chicken. The pond was haunted by a ghostless chicken. Something like that. Ghostless chicken. Ghostless chicken, yeah. You know, just a dead chicken. That'd be a good album title.

Ghostless chicken. Yeah, not too bad. just a dead chicken. That'd be a good album title. Ghostless Chicken. Yeah. Yeah, not too bad. Ghost Face Chicken. So, but it's now just a place of gathering, really, on the square. So, just thought we'd correct you and bring you up to date on that fact. We might correct them, correct ourselves. That's what I'm saying. We're correcting them.

Yeah, they got it wrong. Give them the correct. They got it wrong. You bastards. How dare you call it Highgate Square? You fucking prick. Right. Listen, we're just going to sign off.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. Happy New Year. 2024 new operisons. Opportunities and horizons. Operisons. It's a good word, actually. Operisons. I'm going to stick with it.

New operisons to look forward to. And cheers, Eli. Cheers, Paul. To 2024. Cheap show listeners. Thank you. Merry Christmas to you and yours, and whatever you do, I hope you're safe and happy and loved.

And that's it. Bye-bye. Press the button there. Press the button. Take care. Happy New Year. See you next year. Here, who's your favourite groupie?

Well, I like the Wilders himself. I think they're great. Oh, I like that David Essex. He's got lovely, great big blue eyes. I think they're all lovely. Yeah, I don't know. We were rolling it over every section of life And David's gonna make us a star

We were doing our thing to pull the car near the wings Check the band on the wrong way to fall So honey, honey, we're great And it was crazy last night And Gary's gone back with the boys He don't buy dolls and lovers But he thinks he likes us So what we don't want is toys

We want a super star for Christmas We want to make a wish come true is we want a superstar for christmas we want to make a wish

come true a family kissable superstar on my

tree we want a superstar for christmas we

want to make a wish come true a

family kissable superstar on my tree. The world goes the opposite way, people of me. We used to sing and dance to get his fancy pants. We'd groove around the disco queen.