CheapShow - Ep 407: Talk To Us

Starting point is 00:00:25 Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo o season. I've glistened up the petals with a bejeweled devil. Anyway, the point is, it's basically the spooky season. Halloween is around the corner, so we thought we'd do a little spooky house of pickles, spooky show today. Velvet, I say. Lay. Lay. Lay, you've got

Starting point is 00:00:38 crisps. Eli, this isn't going to work as a colour though. I have. I'm backing out now. Why? I don't like what I've done. You haven't done anything yet. I said velvet and stuff and you wouldn't go with me. Because I want to show you this cool thing. Okay. I'm up for a cool thing. Show me, is it a spooky thing? Yeah, it's gonna set the mood. Can I just say everyone? Oh, can I just say everyone? Just before you set the mood. Gannon's impatient and Gannon wants to make it spooky. Paul, I just want to say, just want to say, my hair is on one today, isn't it? Yeah. want to say, go on, just want to say my hair is on one today isn't it? Yeah. I actually want to upload a photo of that because wow crazy hair Eli today it goes with the Halloween

Starting point is 00:01:12 theme. He looks like one of those scary grannies from an online video game. I really do. Well done. Now set the time Paul. I'm going to make it spooky. Right you see I've got this chalice your chalice your glass chalice. That was a charity shop item. And it's got water in, right? Watch this. Oh, this is what, this is the thing. Watch this. He's plugging, oh this looks dangerous. He's plugging into a charge pack, some kind of unit, and it's fl-

Starting point is 00:01:34 Whoa, it's smoking! It's a little dry ice machine! It's a little fog machine! Oh, that is- Look at it make, and it's going all- That is massively cool, Paul. Isn't it? It's making the goblet a fizzle and a bizzle and Oh, that is looking to make and it's going all that is massively cool poor in it It's making the goblet a fizzle and a bizzle and fog is so cool I got that for eight pound at Flying Tiger

Starting point is 00:01:52 You can put it in a little plastic cauldron, but I forgot to buy the cauldron honestly a lot of your gizmos Failed to move me, but yeah into that so now we got a little spooky chalice going on Now I'm feeling spooky Paul. Now I'm going to give you the Willys. What Willys? I'm going to give you the Willys. As in what? Are you going to try and? No it's the family down the road. No it's the family down the road Paul. No but will you seduce me into? What? Having sex with me. No it's the family called the Willys. No it's the family called the Willys down the road. I'm going to give you the Willys. Is that what that originates? It's Arthur

Starting point is 00:02:24 Willie, Margaret Willie and their kids John and James. Don't mention their kids to me. Is that what you're trying to do? No, it's the family called the Willys down the road. Is that what that ointment? I'm gonna give you the Willys. Is that what that ointment? It's Arthur Willie, Margaret Willie and their kids, John and James. Don't mention their kids to me. John and James Willie. No, James Willie. Johnny Willie is gonna come over. Give you the Willys. No, James Willie owes me money.

Starting point is 00:02:35 Does he? Yeah. Does he? For what? Weed. He's Willie Weed. James Willie's weed is whack. Anyway, shut up.

Starting point is 00:02:46 Welcome to Spooky Cheap Show. Spooky Cheap Show. Uh, whoa. Welcome to what? Go on. I know it's spooky. But we should say, yeah, the live show we did. Yeah. We just did it a couple of days ago, didn't we? Saturday, it's now Monday. In Bedford. Yeah. The Bedford. It was a wonderful live show and you'll be listening to that next week on next week's

Starting point is 00:03:31 Cheapshow episode. Live show is next week. That's right. The publication of which next week. Next week coming out and thank you everyone who came. If you're listening in the future, a little while ago it came out. Thank you to all the cheapskates I chatted to in the the bar area afterwards and thank you so much too many to name for the free drinks. Everyone who bought me a gin and tonic which was my

Starting point is 00:03:53 which was my one of choice yes my drink of choice not one of choice. G&T. A G&T and I had about seven. Well thank you for getting my co-host drunk. And then I wandered around Ballum. Drunken? Just wandering drunk and around Ballum? Rogen was with me. Oh okay, okay. Yeah so thank you for everyone who came out to the live show, it was a lot of fun. There's a video of that as well, that'll go up I think around the same time as the audio version of the podcast, but also I think our patrons will get that video early as well depending on how long it takes to edit.

Starting point is 00:04:23 Other than that, wow, wonderful, lovely, great show and if you missed out you won't miss out for long. You'll listen to it next week and you'll go, cool blimey, what a load of fun that sounded. And just watch for the... What? Watch for the what? No, nothing. Oh, okay. I thought you're gonna apologize for what you did in the show. I thought you should cut this. Why? From when I said... What? Just from when I said and watch out for... Can we cut out the bit where you said nothing? Yeah because I had I literally had nothing Paul I was just doing a mouth thing. You know about that when your mouth just goes off you do it all the time it's gonna happen right and also

Starting point is 00:04:58 you're on... Do you want me to cut this bit as well? You're on nutshell warning. What do you mean nutshell? Nutshell warning. Oh I'm walking on eggshells because they're nutshells. You can't say nut in a nutshell today. All right and I can't say, long story short. Either of those, both of which. Or Fingal Me Riddle Hole. They're not necessarily the most. No but I fall into traps, focal traps. They're all, you use them as, I saw this term the other day. They're called thought terminating cliches. Thought, oh yeah, no that sounds about apt. It is what it is, is the big one. And let's agree to disagree is also. No, I'm just saying, but you use. Well to cut a long story short, in a nutshell, I'm not interested. I've wiped my arse with a nutshell. If you think about it, it'm not interested. I've wiped my arse with a nutshell.

Starting point is 00:05:45 Have you? Think about it, it's got a good scrape and scoop built in naturally. What are we doing? That is good physics talk nutshell bum wipe. I'm off to LA next week. Look, he's starting to want to escape. He's escaped in his mind. I'm having a, I'm trying to terminate this conversation and move on to another.

Starting point is 00:06:02 I'm looking forward to it. Oh, we should update for the... Oh, you know, I'm interested. I'm going to go out there and get some stuff for the podcast and come back with it. Great. Please do get some stuff. Well, I am having just a holiday for me. First one in ages. That is absolutely... Last year was all business. This year's pleasure. You're not doing any podcasts out there?

Starting point is 00:06:16 No, I'm just going to have some fun. Paul, I just need to give everyone an update. Yes, sorry. Over to you, Mr Silverman, for this important update following the events of episode 406 last week Go on. We are ate some snacks along the way Paul Yes, I want our whim and I'll walk in a weft on a walkabout We have our own whimsies on our walkabout We have a whimsy on the walkabout when we weave in to the warp and the weft of the webisodes And you now can get off with this if you don't mind. I know why I'm getting

Starting point is 00:06:45 well into alliteration. Well into it. That's your own thought terminating whatever it is you said. And I made a big deal of one snack I bought called the mathri and it says mathri pickle inside. Oh yes. And these are these sort of savory cookies really aren't they? The Bombay mixy texturally kind of thing. We both liked them. Yeah it was a bit plain. But we were hoping I was hoping there was actual pickle. Yeah. Of the Indian variety. Mango, lime, you know, they have mango and lime or mixed veg ones. Yeah. A mixed veg pickle. Mango.

Starting point is 00:07:22 Right. I got kind of got involved. You don't like mango. I've been getting well into mango. Apple? Can you get apple chutney? You can get apple chutney but it's not a pickle. I haven't seen a pickled apple. Fair enough. They pickle lettuce in China as well. Yeah. Anyway, I love pickles, love talking about pickles. No really? That's new information, isn't it? And we- Eli Shocks Nation with pickle admittance. Although we like this, there was a pickle missing. Yes there was. There was a pickle element missing. And I was just looking at them today because I don't want to waste them, they're all very good. And you know what's nestling? I see nestling but

Starting point is 00:07:55 betwixt the brown mathri cookies in there. Why? What did you find nestled in the nest? Only a little potluck of fucking pickle to dip them in. Mixed veg pickle it says there. It looks like one of those little jam pots you get at a hotel. Yes it looks exactly like that. This one's got fucking pickle in Paul. So that's meant to be at the time we even said oh I wish we could dip something in these chips. You said that Paul you're very prescient. Prescient. You knew something was up we both did but in our defense that part of the walk was Lysen Grove we just crossed Lysen Grove and it was dark. It was very dark. I ended up bumming around on a bus. I'm going on a pod. You know going around on

Starting point is 00:08:37 buses. Alright after the recording. Yeah and I ended up on a bus going up Lysen Grove where we just been a few hours earlier. Weirdly, I was circulating. Anyway, you ready to... No, fine. Oh, we're going to actually pay dividends to this then. I'm going so you don't have to. No, no, no. I would like to. I would like to. Okay. Before we get into the spooky parts. I'm peeling back and there it is. Oh, and it's... it has that berry lemony sort of smell. Oh, the wind. The wind is up.

Starting point is 00:09:13 Just give me a bit of spook. There's a bit of spook there. And that was good. Slither. Stop with him. Roy J. No one likes Roy J. No. He's a dick-gitter-outer. I love that video clip of him on Pebble Mill trying to sing that's a he's a dick get her out I love that video clip of him on pebble mill trying to sing that song when he's obviously got the booze sweats

Starting point is 00:09:29 Yeah, and the way he starts off all like a fake American and then by the end he's like And like there's not enough stage room to do any Choreography so he just shuffles forwards and backwards on a tiny set and then a little woman pops out from the side Oh, that was hilarious. That is hilarious. I gotta put put a link on our webpage for that because it's fucking great she's doing nothing at all oh anyway spook down the road or something the songs going on the road do you want to have a little niff on this this is the veg pickle that came away the microphone wrong thing pickle inside they're not they weren't lying there is a tub of pickle inside the packet pickle in the packet and he's dunked it in there it's got a little bit

Starting point is 00:10:07 on there there we go just a little bit in I go oh it's got some bite very tight yeah mmm that's good hmm it completes it I could I'm gonna do that I'm gonna chow down on that later good stuff right so with all that said all that said, is there anything else to say? No, we're just gonna get on with it again. It's spooky, right? Have we got spooky stuff coming up on the show? We're gonna eat some spooky things and then we've got a spooky item which we're bringing back because we found out some new information about this spooky item. Isn't that right? We won't go into it now. Oh yeah. We got an update on an old favorite item which we found has quite the spook factor Paul and I'll be bringing you all the facts about that. The spook factor facts. Facts. Max factor. Max

Starting point is 00:10:52 factor spooks factor. Factus. Fact. Fact. Alright well you've had, calm down now. Shut up. Calm down. Hey. Calm down. We're gonna talk about that, we're gonna do some spooky food. We can put some of that on the math tree! Yes! In fact let's get right into that now. Here we go, let's get spooky! The chalice is still bubbling with the mists. I was gonna ask Paul, I don't want to be the fun warden. Yeah. Or the party sergeant. Yeah. Yeah Or the you know, the good time general Love lists these days you think of an out one the groove referee the groove referee. Yes It's the most creative we've been in several years Really the tragic that if that's true. I don't want to be a bummer

Starting point is 00:11:43 But the dry ice the dry you don't to be that's true. I don't want to be a bummer but the dry ice the dry You don't want to be a fun bomber. I Disagree the dry ice maneuver Machine the dry ice machine thing. Yeah portable as impressive as it is. Yeah worried Because it needs Yeah, it's plugged into a little battery bag. Yeah, but it's not generate. Is it jet using the water to generate the co2 It's just I don't know how it works. just does. What I'm saying is there's some kind of... What? It's not going to blow up it's designed for this it's designed to be there

Starting point is 00:12:12 all day. It's just steaming, is it steaming the water? No it's not heating it at all it's cold it's a cold mist. I want to see the the instructions. I mean I don't know I had to go online because they didn't have any in the box so I had to look it up online but effectively it's fine to be like that for hours. Okay. You know. Fair enough. It's like an ornament isn't it?

Starting point is 00:12:29 You keep on your thing. It's spooky. Let me get a shot of it before the light fades. Yeah alright get a shot of it. Hubble bubble toil and trouble. Yeah we got a nice spooky Eli just filmed it. We'll put it up on our website. Look at that!

Starting point is 00:12:38 That's fucking great! Looks even better on camera. It's right next to your piss pot too. Nice. Isn't it? Piss pot and fog. Okay cool. I'll send that to you later. It's the spooky season Mr Silverman so let's eat some spooky things. Hey I'll tell you what.

Starting point is 00:12:54 Do you want to what's wrong with you? I'm trying to say do you want to do. I had a tiring weekend. So did I. I know you did. We're both running on. Well done us on 60 to 70% of our usual gumpf. Aren't we this week? We're a bit gumpf-less, but I'm joyless. Not joyless. I mean, you are fucking joyless. I'm not! Look, I'm full of merch! No, you're going mad, is what's going on. You're having a fucking weekly mental breakdown

Starting point is 00:13:17 that I just happened to record. Alright, what's going on with the show? Mate, we talked about this. We're doing some spooky food. Ooh! Right, okay, so. I'll write into that. Right, we Mate, we talked about this. We're doing some spooky food. Ooh. Right, OK. Right into that. Right, we're going to start with this.

Starting point is 00:13:28 Right, because we got to. We can wash it down with the rest of it then, you see. Yes, but I think we need ice for that. All right. Well, then we can take a break before we get to that. I need. I mean, just do this bit first. I'll get giant ice cubes.

Starting point is 00:13:38 All right. And then giant haystacks. Yeah, you get giant haystacks as giant ice cubes. I'd like to see that as a match up. You want to see giant haystacks as giant ice cubes. I'd like to see that as a matchup. You want to see giant haystacks as a dead fat man wrestle a big giant ice cube in a wrestling ring. Well, could be. And what possible entertainment could come from watching a fat man wrestle a giant ice

Starting point is 00:13:59 cube, which is the single most ridiculous thing you've stated. I don't even need to explain further, you've said it. The only way you could do it is if he had a really hot body temperature. So when he hugged the ice, he was melting his fat thumb into it and making imprints. Yeah, well. So you could step back and look.

Starting point is 00:14:14 There's a, there's a. You've heard of the bear hug, Paul. Yeah. This is known as a hot hug. Well, all I'm going to state is this is the single worst idea you've ever had on the podcast. Why? And the fact that we committed this much time to it is a genuine letdown for me and the listeners

Starting point is 00:14:29 You think you can guarantee it? You think you've liked it? You liked it didn't you? I tried to roll into it because sometimes I think you know what Roll in the haystacks? You want to choke? No you can't choke to death and then come back with that Hey! There is a novelty Snickers there It was a terrible story though, did you hear about how a giant haystacks died?

Starting point is 00:14:48 He was in the hospital and they were giving him injections to try and save his life. And the syringe snapped and he said, if we don't get it out soon he's gonna die. And it turned out he died because they couldn't find the needle in the haystacks. Ha ha ha ha! High five! Thank you! He does make an effort. But he is dead. Yeah. Of heart failure. Probably subbed like that, innit? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha about? It is Hellman's. No. Hines. Oh sorry. Hines pickled onion flavor Monster Munch flavor

Starting point is 00:15:28 mayonnaise. He's done the nose. Yes. So it is a version of their mayonnaise but this is pickled onion flavor flavored after the Monster Munch brand by Walker's. Yeah Lays. Yeah well yeah. Pepsi right so that's what's behind this. It's Heinz, but Heinz aren't the same company, are they? Heinz are their own thing. That's what I'm saying. It's two different companies sharing a flavour profile, innit? I would like to say something. Yes. Regarding this as a sort of marketing entity, Paul. I mean, I presume they're doing it because it is Halloween and they can advertise it with the Monster Hand and everything and go, oh. But they've been trying. It even says Scare Really Good on

Starting point is 00:16:08 the label. Yes. They've been trying to make pickled onion flavour Monster Munch a flavour of thing that goes beyond the product line that they were birthed in. Just like what famous thing that had a movie made of it recently. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh flaming hot oh that's the flaming hot Cheeto they've taken the flaming hot flavor and applied it to as much as they can yeah including sources using it like ketchup and art don't you think that that's what they're trying to make the pickled onion monster much a thing like a free floating so faith a profile I Do you know what I mean? It's pushed everywhere. That is what's happening with this. This just seems like a gimmick for Halloween, to sell some unfortunately flavoured muck. I don't know. I think as a combination of flavours for me that is going to work. A sort of tartar, oniony, may-o. Ava Huff. Unscrew it and Ava Huff. I've taken the little sticky bit off. Do you know what I mean about how these flavour profiles are sort of becoming free-floating things that aren't necessarily and that's definitely after the Cheetos red hot mo- oh. But it's no real different than like

Starting point is 00:17:11 Oreo and Coca-Cola teaming up. It's the same kind of vibe. The unusual nature of it is the marketing point. Woo. Yes. Keep forgetting it's Halloween. Yes but I can I just think they're doing they're doing stuff. But this isn't gonna last. That's not gonna last. That's not gonna be something that's on the shelves all year round. This is just gonna be a flash in the pan gimmick and then that's it. I've just remembered the other Monster Munch thing I've seen recently. They're bringing... Sweet and chilly.

Starting point is 00:17:35 Giant. What are all these giants? No, they used to be big. Then they made them small and now they're making them big again. Now giant are just the old ones. They did this before. You know they had whatzits recently? Which are just whatzits the same size as cheese curls.

Starting point is 00:17:48 They don't work big, by the way. I think there's something about the ke- No, because here's the reason why. The original shape of whatzit works because the balance of the flavour and the texture and quantity of the maize or whatever works. The bigger the puff thing is, less it the less cheesy flavor around it offsets it so there's too much middle and not enough surface is that what you're saying yeah yeah so you end up tasting more the maze and very good point very

Starting point is 00:18:13 very good saying very good point and the race shows off it's a clear point but I come back with a counterpoint which is you remember those ones that you get in America hers and we had the Carolina Reaper one. They're much larger. Don't you suffer from the same problem there? No, because they have a much more powerful flavor profile. I mean they're really fucking full on. They overwhelm the maze. You know?

Starting point is 00:18:36 Just like erm... It's heat. Just like the guy who went against the Minotaur did. What? Overcame the maze. What's he called? Jason and the Argonauts. What's he called? I can't remembergonauts. What's he called?

Starting point is 00:18:45 I can't remember who Jason is. Theseus. It's Theseus isn't it? Theseus and the Minotaur. Minotaur, maybe. Yeah, sounds about right. But it was a pun on maze. Anyway, shall we get... I wrote a long essay about that actual piece of Greek mythology. That was my Theseus anyway on the subject.

Starting point is 00:18:58 OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Get two WIFIs for Eli today. It's fucking good. That was my Theseus. Theseus. That's funny shit. It's alright. That is... no, that's tickled me there. It's fucking good. That was nice of you, sir. That's funny shit. It's all right. No, that's tickled me there.

Starting point is 00:19:08 It's good. I'm on a roll. Paul? I'm keeping it spooky. I'm keeping it spooky. Fair enough. Sliver. That is a very strong smell of that... Very recognisable pickled onion flavour for crisps in this country.

Starting point is 00:19:23 Yeah. Mayo itself doesn't have a very strong odor. No, not really. Eggy. It's slightly eggy but I mean a lot of people think of mayonnaise because of the color and the way it's been marketed as being a sort of egg product. Yeah. But that is not actually the case. Most of what is in mayonnaise is vegetable oil. It's gross. When you think about mayo too much. It's just egg yolk or something and it's way down the ingredient list.

Starting point is 00:19:48 Yeah. It's not mainly made of egg. No. Like if you were going to make a fresh mayonnaise in a restaurant, then it'd be more eggy than what this mass produced stuff. True. But the more you think about what mayonnaise is made out of, the less you want to actually have actually have it kind of puts you off it I love mayo it's like black pudding I love it but I don't want to think too much about what's in it we have no way of tasting this math three no but there's math he's gonna interfere with the I'm gonna just put some on my finger all right then I'm not gonna do that I'm gonna do a math three lick it off some math free yeah I'm gonna lick it off the math tree I'll do it me so that's a big thing, that's fine. Just be careful. I'll do it myself. Do it over the floor, because it's going to squirt too much out at once. See? I've done it delicately. If you do it a gentle squeeze it's not too much. Right,

Starting point is 00:20:37 so yeah, on the nose it is very, very pickly oniony. Okay, I'm just going to have a dollop off the finger. Right, I'm going. Oh God. I do have a dollop off the finger. I'm going. Oh god I do not like that. It's closer much much closer to... Oh god that's horrible. It's now Paul if I may give my notes first here. Yeah please. That's very close to a salad cream if you know about that part. No, you're right. There were notes of that in there. Because a salad cream is a dressing, or was originally, and had much...

Starting point is 00:21:12 Oh, God. It's the oniony, sort of farty oniony sort of backwash that you're getting, isn't it? Oh, I can't even... I don't think onion and like egg as a basic breakdown of what I'm getting there... Yeah....works for me. Because it's kind of like, it's kind of like, what's there? It's like, it's like a dirty dick farting in your mouth. It's a bit farty but um, if I, if you think of it like, Oh, ugh.

Starting point is 00:21:37 Like a salad cream, like a slightly tangier salad cream, I can, I don't mind it. It's exactly what you think it is though. It's not great to be fair. It's not great, it is very obviously pickled onion monster munch. Yeah. It's that what you think it is though. It's not great to be fair. It is very obviously pickled on your monster munch. Yeah. It's a texture thing I think. It's that creamy weight at the back

Starting point is 00:21:50 which really fucking makes it taste like across between like vinegar and like snot. Yeah, I know. But I think for you, you're very sensitive to that. I've got my chibbles on it. It's giving you this, that's very on point for this. I keep getting waves.

Starting point is 00:22:04 Yeah, I think for you it's the texture that you suffer from though. No, the texture is in my head, fine, because I know what I'm getting. It's the actual taste. It's the flavor profile. It's like a stinging metal up front and then like a deep phlegm back. Yeah, okay Paul, I didn't hate it, can we have a score out of 5 for Paul? That's a 0.75. five really bad what would you have that with that'll be horrible that's what i was going to say i was going to yeah to to finish on on the pickled onion monster much flavored mayo yeah from hinds i'll give it a three three point two a bit better than halfway um oh oh i came back stop Came back like a ghost, but I tell you what you were saying

Starting point is 00:22:49 What would you have that with I would have that with on a sandwich? I would with with what a crisp sandwich fuck off, so I'm wondering Paul I'm wondering if the people behind this, your mother can't help you where you're going. What does that mean? I don't know. Somewhere that your mom can't help you. How's my mom going to help me in my mouth?

Starting point is 00:23:15 Don't say that. Paul. Go on. Are the brains behind this saying that people will have them like, will dip their monster munch in them? No. The only way that would work is... That might work on a Monster Munch, think about it. No! In a crisp sandwich with Monster Munch. No, that's gross. I'm gonna try that everyone. Please do, but that to me is too much. It's not great. No, it's a stupid

Starting point is 00:23:37 idea and I'm glad it's a gimmick because fuck me, what a stupid country we live in. Heinz scarily good, fucking fuck off, monster munch, pickled onion flavor mayo. What a horrible sentence to read out loud. And anyone who goes online and says, actually I liked it, ah fuck off. Paul, I think you're, I did quite like it. Fuck off.

Starting point is 00:24:00 I could have that with a cheese sandwich be nice as well. No, not with cheese. Cheese, especially if it was like a tart cheddar cheese and spring onion. No white bread, right? That's it cheese and spring onion. That'd be the love that's over now packet crisps on the side No, you are close minded. I am wanted to hate that. I know I didn't want to hate it I wanted to be pleasantly surprised and I was many which you don't like pickled onion flavor crisps You don't like pickled onion flavored crisps? You don't like pickled onion flavored Monster Munch to begin with do you? Errrr no. Well okay let me rephrase that. Ah there we go.

Starting point is 00:24:29 If I'm biased, the bias inherent in the system. I'm just gonna say this. Come and see the bias inherent in the system. Whilst a pickled onion flavored crisp is not on the top of my list for snacks. It's not. There's nowhere near it. When it comes to things like Monster Munch, I can see the appeal and I've even enjoyed a few packs because I know what I'm getting into. This is a dirty trick. Paul. This is a dirty trick from a horrible company. Paul, will you just admit slightly that you're not really into that kind of flavour profile thing and so that's affected your negative review of it? No, I think the idea of a pickled flavoured mayo is inherently disgusting as a concept.

Starting point is 00:25:06 So you've come in, judged, you've prejudged, you've prejudged this mayo and you've been very unfair to it. Well, press the button and let's get on with the spooks. This is a very disappointing segment and it's not made this very spooky at all. At all. We're going to have to do better for the next thing. So luckily I found some other limited edition Halloween noms right after this Now before we get on to more spooky snacks, I just wanted to say that we actually were given that bottle of mayonnaise by Dog and Lampost on Twitter. So Sarah, thank you very much.

Starting point is 00:25:59 Here is some scary sauce for the spooky season. Much love to the pod as always. Sarah, Dog and Lampost on Twitter. We've received stuff from them before. We have indeed. Thank you very much for that. But now it's time for more Halloweeny gimmicky candy and stuff. So a film came out recently that I saw. I quite enjoy Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, the sequel to a film called Beetlejuice, starring Beetlejuice as Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice and they'll be Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice there should be but I don't know if they ever will because they're all getting on it didn't make very much money but the new one

Starting point is 00:26:32 made loads of bloody money did it yeah it's like one of the highest grosses film who gives a fuck about you eh in general that's not very nice thing to say millions of people enjoyed Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and you just get that ah fuck it pre-supposed ideas in it coming into it. You haven't seen it You haven't seen it so you can't make an informed opinion. Can you fair enough? You can criticize me about the pickly mayo and it is you come and full bollocks in with her your own fucking Opinions on Beetlejuice Beetlejuice a lot of people in the majority seem to have liked it fine good good for them I want an apology from you for who I apologize for a lot of people in the majority seem to have liked it. Fine, good, good for them.

Starting point is 00:27:05 I want an apology from you. For who? I apologize for being biased against that. Biased against the mayonnaise? Yeah. Okay, I'm sorry, I prejudged Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. Thank you, to all I wanted to hear, to all I wanted to hear from you, thank you.

Starting point is 00:27:20 Woo. Anyway, look, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice has been a success, and as you can imagine, there were some novelty tie-ins. So let's start with this. These are Maynard's or Basset's Spooky Gums. What makes them spooky, Paul? Well apparently. Honestly, I bought these things and actually these are a bit shit.

Starting point is 00:27:35 They're just wine gums. You know, they have the same shape and texture as a Maynard's wine gum. But apparently it says here, surprise flavors, new limited edition. Yeah, I mean it has to be and win a spooky trip or something They are up against the mammoth of in sweet innovation. That is round trees if you think about it, so Roundtrees had the randoms don't they? Yeah, that's a hugely popular line They've got different types of randoms don't't they? Random strips, random randoms, and the other random ones. Stop saying randoms.

Starting point is 00:28:09 But I bet there's a spooky round trees randoms. So okay, so how easy would that be for them to do? Halloween themed randoms. They probably do. I would like to have that. Some gummy spiders and whatever. I mean the same as this. You get a couple of different shapes of gummies a gravestone a spider a book a coffin

Starting point is 00:28:26 And it says mystery flavors, but then on the back. It just says like pineapple lemon blackcurrant raspberry pear And orange and they're not mystery if it was like you know mouthwash or again dog egg a lot of people don't go that far I Wonder if it's just like maybe the color doesn't doesn't necessarily translate to the flavor green and Halloweeny colors Nice fruit gum smell coming up that nice very black currency. Yeah, it's almost like on the top of those felt-tip pens Oh, yeah, here's a little sarcophagus Eli I Have many of these Oh yeah, here's a little sarcophagus. Eli!

Starting point is 00:29:08 I have many of these sarcoph... I fuck off. Oh, that's lovely. Fuck off a guy. I fucked off a guy. Oh, that's a great gummy. What flavor was it though? Cause you put a green one in. Was it green flavor?

Starting point is 00:29:15 Was it like pear? It's hard to tell. I don't understand what the main street part is. I think it's pear. I'm gonna try this black one. Great texture they've got. You know what I mean? I'm gonna try a green one now that is that texture isn't just right just a matte enough give on the tooth yeah you know oh they're lovely oh spider what did you

Starting point is 00:29:38 what did you have I had a black one a coffin yeah coffin spiders which I think was blackcurrant but I think that one I just had was another tombstone yeah skullum crossbone tombstone but I'm wondering if like the colors are different from the flavors because don't get those away from me yeah they're bad stuff you're not allowed you'd last one and you shouldn't take those away with you today just saying sugar you're trying to go down is Is that a threat? What do you mean is that a threat? What's going to happen if I walk out with these then? You'll be a naughty boy to yourself and you're Stummy, which you're trying to get down. Stum Stum Town. So you

Starting point is 00:30:13 call me fat now are you? You're saying you're going to beat me up if I take these out of these rooms? Yes. And what happens if I put up a bit of resistance? You'll get disciplined very very hard. And then how is this discipline going to be administered to me the naughty boy in this situation? Because Eli, I've been a very naughty boy because I'm taking sweets when I said I shouldn't. So watch that I'm gonna go across your knee yeah yeah then what happens again I'm a bad boy. I'll be looking where you've hidden the sweets. I'll be looking where you might have hidden the sweets. I'm struggling a little bit. I'll be looking where you might have hidden the sweets. I'm not going to hide them.

Starting point is 00:30:46 I'll be bald as brass, me. You have to take them out of my hands. Sometimes, Paul, very naughty boys who steal sweets put the sweets right up their bums. You'll be across my knee and I'll be looking into your bum. So my pants are down and I'm stretched across your knee and I'm wriggling a little bit. And I'll get the head falconer. Not Gordon. The head falconer will come and he will watch you as you're getting punished What's going on the head falconer with the bees birds right next bit Eagle Boy. Whoa, it's Halloween

Starting point is 00:31:17 Right. So here's the next thing right? juice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice has teamed up with Fanta to bring out a zero sugar drink. Oh, see if you look at all the cans and the bottles, certain characters are associated with Fanta flavors. So like Lydia is a thing, strawberry, someone else is the orange, you know, it's that kind of thing. But for Beetlejuice himself, they've created a brand new flavor and that is, well they call it like rotten apple but it's just Apple Zero Sugar. It's a green Fanta drink with Beetlejuice's face on saying somebody stop me! I like the design, the nice smoking monochrome stripes. Yeah. It is quite striking don't you think? Well that says dare to scan. It's got a

Starting point is 00:32:01 little QR code. I'm scanning the QR code now Oh, here we go takes me to coke URL. Yeah, cuz they coke make fancy don't they it makes me who wants me to download the fucking app Yeah, of course it does and then play prizes to win. Yeah, I thought it's gonna take me to like a picture No, just come on. It's cock out go it drinks company. You know, they're not a media company. That's bullshit I thought you're gonna get something special out of it like I just try and sell you some shit like a special picture of Beetlejuice going hey You have to download the app. I'm not fucking doing that and Beetlejuice can't make me Anyway, I'll download the app when coke bring back their signature range. Oh, they're good

Starting point is 00:32:39 They should have done that instead of this fucking spiced. Bollocks. The creators whatever it is. Nonsense. The signature was so good. Anyway, let's get into this. Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, uh, apple flavoured something or other. Here we go. Alright, ooh. He's got his nose into the spout there and he's going to come back.

Starting point is 00:33:00 It smells like my nan's favourite dishwasher liquid. Your nose. His nan comes up a lot when he talks about things. My nan taught me a lot. Yeah, I'm sure she did. She taught me about the birds and the bees. And that was interesting. She was quite graphic about that.

Starting point is 00:33:17 Yeah, was she like... She used to spit on her fingertips and all sorts. Oh my god, it's gone too far! The incest theme running through this episode. She was just very graphic. Oh no, she was just what? Trying to fucking flick through the yellow pages? She used to have two dollies. Did she wet her finger before she did the radio times? The paper? She used to call masturbation looking for lovejoy. When she used to flick through the radio times she'd say... I'm gonna have to high five you again. Yeah. We used to flick through the radio times. I'm going to have to high five you again.

Starting point is 00:33:47 We used to flick through the radio times, you know what I'm getting at? Sniff this. My nan used to use two little dollies, like real life dollies. Calm down on your mum. Your nan. My mum used to just watch I'll get the Falconer in just used to just sit at the back nod. That's what I was taught now For this can I go ask you to repeat your points before your nan waylaid us both you laid my nan I way laid I way laid your nan now, but pool. I'm asking you a question Well, what was your point? You said you're it reminds you of your nan's what?

Starting point is 00:34:25 Like washing up liquid or something in the kitchen she would own. Very chemically. Yeah, like a soap or something. It's got a kind of apple soap, apple washing up liquid smell to it. Well, the fairy does do an apple version, don't they? Yeah, it's a bit like that. Oh yeah! Yeah? Oh yeah, soapy.

Starting point is 00:34:42 Like a very particular old lady brand of soap. Oh, it's got real artificial I thought it was gonna smell like like you know, I've made shots like apple sour shots or whatever Oh, you saw I think they're I thought they'd make more effort than that. It is zero sugar. Remember cheap It smells like one of those fucking terrible 20% ABV shots that they try to sell you Yeah, you know to me like go on. There's yours yours I'll hold your cup Tiger Tiger sort of promo girls with the Don't know where you go Chilled out. No, you know, they would they'd always get young women to have the racks of shots. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah bandolier. Oh, what's that? They were called shots

Starting point is 00:35:21 Oh, yeah, just getting a big flashback from this. I thought we saw Menendez, didn't we? That was one time. Yeah. They were terrible things. And then you have a conversation with them and you get all pally and then before they leave they go, go on, try one. And you think, well, I have been talking to you for ten minutes, a better ad now. I mean, I never fell for that. My nan used to do that. Good colour, this. Very green. It's a very kind of like...

Starting point is 00:35:41 It's got nice effervescence, you know. Neo green. It's all standard stuff. I don't like the smell. The smell's too soapy. Way too soapy. It's almost got an elderflowery. Yeah, actually that's what it is as well. There's an elderflower. So what is it meant to be? It just says apple. I think some bottles of it say rotten apple, but that just says apple zero sugar drink, so I don't know if apple's a flavor they already do. I predict Paul's not going to like this. Well, I mean, I'm never gonna like it because it's zero sugar, but let's see how it goes. Apart from

Starting point is 00:36:08 that little aftertaste of the shitty sugar shit, that's not too bad, but it's a very odd apple. It's almost like a kind of garden apple apple. Yeah, it's okay. You know, like there's like the Granny Smith's apple kind of flavour, the kind of tart, sharp, green flavour, if that makes sense. I would like this to be tartar. Yeah, I think I agree. I would like it to be tartar. It's floral where it should be tart. Yeah, it's more of a kind of garden apple kind of forn off your granny's tree kind of thing. Oh my god, a garden apple! It tastes like it fell off a tree. A garden apple is like your honey tea thing!

Starting point is 00:36:48 It's like this category that doesn't exist. A garden apple! You know, the kind of granny apple has a granny tree. Granny Smith! What are you talking about? No, you know, like your nan would have an apple and garden apple. My nan did not have an orchard! My nan had an apple tree in her garden and the apples would fall off it. Did she really? Yes, I have an apple tree in her garden and the apples

Starting point is 00:37:05 It's all of it. Yes. I have an apple tree in my garden and the apples drop off it in my view of granny He's the lover when granny dropped their apples for me At least once a year obviously. I grew up on an orchard. I mean there was an orchard in our back gardens. Yeah. Pairs. Oh, now you say pear. Are you getting more pear from that? There's a pear note to this. It's not a bad flavor but they haven't quite managed it, the sugar-freeness. I don't hate it. It needs to be tartar. Yeah. It should be tartar and the smell is too artificial but the taste is actually better than the smell suggested. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. What score would you give this? Five maybe a three. You're such a weird guy you know that. Why? Not weird like. I've got nine years of proof. Because I'm like I noticed you were saying in a nutshell

Starting point is 00:38:14 so much and you haven't said it fucking once but you've brought your gran up three times. She taught me a lot Manab. Oh yeah. So did we give a score for the Maynards? Maynards, I would give a nice 4 out of 5 to Solid. I thought they were excellent. And then I would give 3 to the Apple Drink. I'll go 2.5 for the Apple Drink, I think. 2.6. Trick or treat, Paul? Right, Paul, you've got to have a little bit of mayo on the gummy.

Starting point is 00:38:42 Don't do that to yourself. It's a spooky trick or treat, isn't it? That's what my trick is. I mean, that's, it's actually making me, I'm going to do it. I don't think you should because it's just going to be five minutes of you trying not to vomit. I'm going to put a niblet on it.

Starting point is 00:38:55 Right, look at that. I've put a little dollop of mayo thingamajig on a gummy. Let's see. Ooh, trick or treat, everyone. Let's see what happens next, shall we? I bet it's going to be fucking funny. Let's see what happens next shall we but it's gonna be fucking funny It's not gonna be here we go Scab yeah, do you see scab?

Starting point is 00:39:18 That onion will not go with the that was a pineapple flavor worried. Well, yeah Smoky quality to it. I'm sure there's all sorts of things coming through. I don't know what the thing's going on. Yeah. As me nan used to say, there's a lot going on in my mouth right now. You're a poor dead nan. I'm sorry, Nan.

Starting point is 00:39:36 Sorry. You don't deserve that. Why is she... Because she's a tall woman. Got the apples out. Yeah. Because she was tall. No, she...

Starting point is 00:39:44 She had a good build for picking her apples. Yeah, she used to shake the tree and all the apples would come down all over her neck and chest. I'm sick of this now. She used to see me shaking that tree. I'm sick of it! All the lovely big green apples pouring on down on her. Night night everyone, bye! Let's go to the next bit of the show. Alright.

Starting point is 00:40:18 Now, Paul, do you remember way back... Yeah? Way back in the midst of cheap show prehistory. Not prehistory, history. History, yeah, because prehistory would be before we did cheap show. Which was called the Unclickables. And I don't remember anything past the beginning of cheap show. All I know is cheap show. Cheap show.

Starting point is 00:40:39 I was born and cheap show existed. I am existed within the cheap show years. I'm glad you've gone with whatever that was. The Cheap Show existed. I am existed within the Cheap Show years. I'm glad you've gone with whatever that was. So... He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he And was it also on Barshens, this item? It's definitely been in a Barshens episode, yes. This is my Happy Meal toy, Scooby-Doo themed, Cursed Monkey Claw. Wanky Monkey Hand, I believe it was called. You can hear the action there, still going. Must be over 10 years old.

Starting point is 00:41:15 Still happily grips a gorge phallus. The spring's still good. Yeah, still gives good grip. It's a great item. I love the color coding. The handle is in that scooby doo green. The color of the van. And the color of Shaggy's shirt. It's the cut. No Shaggy's shirt slightly darker than that. Anyway, let's not quibble. Oh, quibble. Oh, fucking give you a right quibble.

Starting point is 00:41:38 I'll quibble all over you. Then I'll dribble all over you. Quibble in the dribble. How about that? A quibble. A dribble and a droppy on the knobs. Droppy on the knobs. I know what you mean by that. Yeah, a drip drop on the knob drop. A dropple on the knops. A nibble, a nobble, a drop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Starting point is 00:42:03 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is still going everybody blowing. It's really cold around here, by the way It's even wet in the condensation cold where that's is freezing it. I hope it doesn't break my That is designer glass. Yeah, and it's chalice card. It goes for 40 quid. Yeah I got it for two quid anyway, why are we talking about the corner? Why are we talking about the wanky monkey hand? Mr. Silverman? Because. But why? But why? I saw something, something came up on my YouTube feed. Yeah. And it said this cursed toy possesses people. What do you mean? And I just saw the picture,

Starting point is 00:42:36 the thumbnail had this hand. And I was like that's that toy, it's the wanky monkey claw. Go back a bit though, what's it saying? If you own that toy, you get possessed. Or it possesses you. What's the deal? No, they said you just get it to grasp your thumb. Yeah. And then... What, read an incantation? Or what do you got to do? You say...

Starting point is 00:42:57 Do I need to drop some sigil on you? Do I need to make a... No, you don't drop some sigil. You go elsewhere if you're dropping sigil. What was it that Aleister Crowley did? He had sigils, didn't he? And they involved't they know common blood don't be bringing up esoteric terms Because you some left-hand magic my left hand was that is that left or right-handed? I can't I can't fathom left-handed no well then tell me and it's also an audio podcast to tell the audience Which hand am I holding up well? That's your right hand, but it took me a while because it's my left I'm is on this yeah So it's right match so it's right hand magic the chirality has been sorted so right. It's right hand but it took me a while because it's my left. Do you see where the thumb is on this? Yeah. Look, so it's right hand magic. The chirality has been sorted.

Starting point is 00:43:28 So it's right hand magic we're dealing with then, are we? Yes. Real right hand magic. No. So I have to come. Then what happened is that... So I'm happy to. I'll do it right now if that's what needs... No, there's no wanking involved in this. Are you sure? I'm 100% sure. Nanny used to say that to bring upon the dark demons Rubbing your tummy stick till the sticky white e angels come out. Is that what your nan used to fucking say to you? That's the narrative we want the narrative we want to emerge from this I know it's a Halloween episode everything Paul, but why do you have to go to the darkest? Grimmies, I think she was a witch She was a witch like the Blair witch or some of the Pendle witches. I think she was a witch. I think she was a witch. It's like the Blair Witch or some of the Pendle Witches. I think she was like a witch. The Pendle? Yeah. You know the Pendle

Starting point is 00:44:09 Witches? They were the Pendle Witches? There were women who were alleged to be witches who lived in Pendle in the north. I don't know exactly where it is. But long story short they pretty much think they were never witches and were just made scapegoats for that ongoing you know persecution of... Witches women yeah women basically poor people yeah pendle witch so my name was one of them i think uh now i went down a little bit of an internet rabbit rabbit after i looked at that because it was a bit of a shitty video it's just a quick one that first one i saw yeah and it was really with that terrible editing style okay full memes put in oh every two seconds you know what I mean yeah but I

Starting point is 00:44:45 did go to a longer form yeah apparently they've been using these in the territories where they were released so America these plastic fucking McDonald's this particular actual thing right to communicate basically and the reason you get it to grip your thumb yes the story goes, is because a little baby choked to death on one of these. The finger broke off or something and it choked the baby to death. So it grasps the thumb like a little newborn would. Right.

Starting point is 00:45:16 Do you see what I mean? It grasps your thumb and that's when the spirit world, it's a... That's very tenuous. I'm not going to say that. A dead baby somehow makes the the millions of these that were made I think on the half that was on the hoof Doing that on the off the cuff making that up

Starting point is 00:45:39 You just the full fucking gallon just the full fucking gallon well we on the hoof we're going we on the hoof I don't think that was quite that was bad so should we move on just came up with that off on the hoof off the hoof on the hoof

Starting point is 00:45:56 came up with that on the hoof anyway so she's called Vera this baby right and so Vera's now dead spirit Vera just acts like a portal that's just some shit they made up. Basically. What they do is they get fucking people coming through. The dead.

Starting point is 00:46:11 Really? Coming through, yes. So what, you've seen videos of people using that and then they're having them possessed? The grasp of the hand, you say, Vera, what would you like in your happy meal? That's what you say, right? Vera, what would you like in your happy meal? This doesn't sound very scary. You want to invent something better than this? Happy meal, that's what you say, right? Vera! This doesn't sound very scary. What would you like in your happy meal?

Starting point is 00:46:25 I want to invent something better than this! This is what we're going with, Paul. Vera! What would you like in your happy meal? This is what you're forcing on me. And then you say, small fries. And then that opens the portal. Are you ready to do this?

Starting point is 00:46:38 Small fries. So I put my thumb in the monkey paw. Yeah, and you wait for... And I clench it. I light the candle. Do I need to make like the candle. Do I need to make a sigil? Do I need to give an offering? Don't keep saying sigil because you'll be out. I'm saying I'm happy to give any bodily fluid you need. I'm just going from this video I saw, okay? Right. You put your thumb out. Put me

Starting point is 00:46:58 thumb out, you clamp it with the bait, with the monkey paw. I clamp it, then I say Vera! What would you like in your happy meal and you say small fries small fries light the candle and then what you wait five seconds and we see what happens are you are you up for it I mean I mean okay if we're gonna go ahead with this I've been doing some experimentation myself with this that's got nothing to do with what we're doing tonight is it it's nothing to do with that um shut up man listen I need to put a warning then on this episode if you're listening to this and you do not like the idea of playing with a dark heart or a possession, please stop listening now because after this short break we're going to do live possessions with the monkey hand. So you can get out now. Have you got the candle ready?

Starting point is 00:47:42 Yeah, let's get going. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I've washed everything, just like Nanny said, to wash... Shut up! Without that. Stop! You're breaking the spell! I mean, I didn't know what a mouthwash was for almost 15 years of my life, until I found out about Listerine. Fuck me! Talk about being a letter stray! Anyway, I'm clean. Or am I? Thinking about it. You... Listen, Paul. You have to... I know you want to make a joke, but you need to bring the levity down because it's very serious. We've done a little bit of research and we've discovered there are a few rules to this. So once the demon or the spirit is inside you, it will call back.

Starting point is 00:48:37 We don't know what's going to come through here. No we don't, but we do know, we do know that when the demon takes possession of your body or the spirit or whatever it is, it will make itself known by saying the words fruit shoot Right, and then you know it's in and then we've only got 90 seconds with that spirit And then it has to go back. Otherwise it stays in what who do you think we're gonna come through? Well, you when the alarm goes off I'm hoping for Amy Winehouse or you know, know, Shakespeare. Freddie Star, who he seems to be. Shakespeare, um, Barry Chuckle, or Paul Chuckle, one of the Chuckles, whichever one's dead.

Starting point is 00:49:12 Must be sad to say to me and have nothing to call back. Anyway, let's just see. I've lit the candle. No, no, no, but here's one last rule. When the 90 seconds is up, you have to bellow at me or whoever's in the possessed body. Come out. Well, there's a special phrase from getting to the Happy Meals. What was it again? Oh, yeah, I saw it. It was in the video. No, it's... Carrot bag, wasn't it? You have to shout carrot bag, carrot bag, carrot bag, carrot bag. Three times.

Starting point is 00:49:37 And then the spirit is exposed. Yeah. Then the spirit is expunged from the body and moves on. All right? Okay? I don't know why I'm liking this so much. I'm enjoying this too. Alright. Right, okay, so I'm gonna go first. So I put my thumb in the monkey paw. Oh, I really wonder who will come through everybody. We don't know, someone dead. Someone dead from Cheap Show. Right, here we go.

Starting point is 00:49:59 Okay, he's got his sleeves up. Put your thumb out. Chalice is still bubbling over with nice, moody flames. That's got nothing to do with it, but yeah. Thumb out. Please don't do this at home if you have a monkey hand of your own. I'm going to grip it, and then I'll say the words.

Starting point is 00:50:15 Vera, what do you want with your happy meal? Shut up. Shut up. I'll say that again. Take this seriously, mate. Come on. Vera, what do you want with your happy meal? Small fries.

Starting point is 00:50:40 Fruit Shooter! Stop the timer! Is that... that... Who's... Who is... Who's that? It's Jimmy Biscuit's life, and in your spirit too! Jimmy Biscuit's amazing, so good to hear from you! Yeah, what's going on? One minute I was up in heaven, giving it this and giving it that to all the highly dead people. Giving it with my mouth.

Starting point is 00:51:09 Is Paul's nan up there by any chance? She's the one who talked me all about the mouthwash. Jimmy, so you're dead now? That's right. I'm dead, but I'm back for one night only in this sexy body. Look at this. I don't think you're going to get a whole night. We've you've only got under a minute So is there anything you want to communicate to everybody here? Well ever since being dead Jimmy's made business in heaven looking after the stars of the dead Looking after the stars of the dead like who well I like I look after Charlie Manson he now does kids parties up in heaven for all the dead babies that died.

Starting point is 00:51:47 I see and now it's good to hear from you Jimmy but I'm gonna have to let you go because I don't want you to be stuck in Paul's body. Well I just gotta tell you I miss you all, I love you all but I've gotta get back because I gotta give hand jobs, hand jobs to dead presidents. Don't remember you being so horny when you were a character about two years ago. Being dead gives you the biggest horn. We've got five seconds, Jimmy. Good to see you. I'm gonna have to say it now. I'm really scared. Carrot bag, carrot bag, carrot bag. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Oh god. I don't remember what happened then. One minute I was sitting here and the next minute it was just like I was in a red room in a comfy chair. Was it okay? Did it hurt though?

Starting point is 00:52:34 Err, no. I was just- Did it hurt? In a room? And there was an old lady walking about. It was Jimmy Biscuit's pocket with a big basket of carrots. Jimmy came through. What? Jimmy came through you. That explains why my pants are a bit fucking down. I can't believe you would...

Starting point is 00:52:48 I mean, we can't do this if you just do that every time. That wasn't even an opportunity for a joke. It was and I did one. A better comedian would have seen the opportunity there. Two high fives versus nil. I'm winning on high fives. You never high five me. I'm constantly producing great stuff. I You never high-fived me. You haven't done a gag worth enough. I'm constantly producing great stuff.

Starting point is 00:53:05 I just produce some great stuff. Anyway. I just produce some flack. Come. Come. Right. That was Jimmy Biscuits. And what did you get? Did it hurt? No.

Starting point is 00:53:15 Right, I'm having a go then. Yeah, do you want to have a go? Come on, squeeze my finger. Right, we're back now and Eli's going to take the monkey paw thing. Grasp the thumb. Grasping it now and there we go. Now I'm gonna ask you it. Don't fight it by the way, just let it in.

Starting point is 00:53:30 It's like a fit pressure. Alright here we go. Vera, what would you like in your happy meal? Small fries. There we go. Oh I can see it taking. Don't fight it, give it, go in. We've only got a minute and a half, who is this? Don't fight it, give it, go in. Richard!

Starting point is 00:53:47 We've only got a minute and a half, who is this? Richard Brandoff, hello, Ruff Ruff. Richard Brandoff, you're back from beyond, what's going on in heaven? We just spoke to Jimmy, have you seen Jimmy? Well, Jimmy's around, you know, Ruff Ruff, we do different things up here, you know, different business ventures, Ruff Ruff. But we do have an interest, so to speak, Ruff Ruff, in each other's enterprises. Ruff Ruff, all purely legal, not Ruff Ruff, and nothing to do with running Piss Brothel through angels, pissing down rogues of magic. Ruff Ruff, golden hair piss. What? Ruff, where am I? Who's this? Is that that fucking arsehole Paul? Yes, you've taken over Eli's body. We have we've drawn you in via the monkey claw and you're in Eli

Starting point is 00:54:32 So we've only got like 35 seconds with us. So what do you still like piss then? I take it Tell you what? Heaven's all right. Cause you get lots of money Rolf Rolf And you can just be a cunt to everyone Rolf Rolf All right No, we have to we have to stop we to stop. We've only got like five seconds. I'm really sorry, otherwise we can't have you possess Eli forever, so I'm just gonna have to say, oh, that's it. Ruff! Carrot bag, carrot bag, carrot bag.

Starting point is 00:55:14 Ruff! Yeah, you had Brandoff right up inside you. How did that feel? I felt quite entrepreneurial. Yeah, but with low morals. Sounds about right. It's funny as well because when it happens the face does contort to his. It's kind of like I can see his face behind George. It's like a morph effect. It's very weird, but it feels good doesn't it? It feels kind of good. It feels good to have someone inside me.

Starting point is 00:55:46 It feels good because you're just completely submerged, aren't you? Underneath the skin of reality, just there. Did you go to the Red Room? Like a tent's plug. Did you go to the Red Room? I wasn't in a Red Room. I was in a sort of velvet blanket of darkness, just taut underneath the surface of the world. Oh. Right.

Starting point is 00:56:05 Do another one. I've got the claw ready. This is great. I could do this all night, mate. I'm getting a buzz from this, man. I'm getting an illicit buzz of the supernatural. All right, let's do another one. Give it to me.

Starting point is 00:56:20 Give it to me. All right. Vera, what would you like in your happy meal? Your happy meal, what would you like in your happy meal? Your happy meal, what would you like in your happy meal? Small fries. Me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e Ha ha ha! Who have we got coming through here now? I want to suck your dick! Ha ha ha! It is me, Charity Shop Vampire! It's everyone's favourite sexually aggressive vampire that works in the charity sector! I work up in heaven selling charity shops there and... giving head to all the dead!

Starting point is 00:57:07 Ah ha ha! I didn't want to thought you would have got into heaven, so to speak. Erm... no offence, Charity Shop Vampire, but you were an awful, awful creature of the night! On my deathbed, I simply recounted all of my sins, and they took me no questions asked! Yeah, but if you remember, you weren't actually on a deathbed. You were destroyed along with everyone else in the calamity at the wedding of...

Starting point is 00:57:34 Was it a wedding? It was at the wedding, wasn't it? Of Madame Lady Plops and Squishy Jim. You're running out of time, by the way, and I don't want you to be stuck in Paul's body. Sorry you couldn't suck anyone's dick well I got 15 seconds I could suck your winky right now come here no no no 10 seconds I'm gonna get the carrot I'm gonna do the carrot bag early what I'll do it myself oh oh you're really hurting Paul? Oh Carrot Bag Carrot Bag Carrot Bag! Why is my back killing me? It was Charry Shot Vampire and he was trying to suck his own yaw dick, his own dick that was yours. Fucking ribs are killing me! Yeah, he was something crunching there. is it my go now?

Starting point is 00:58:26 I've come... I've come everywhere. In your pants. No, everywhere. Pfft! Shut up! How many more characters do we have to get through? Let's do one... Let's you do one more.

Starting point is 00:58:39 One more. Alright? Alright, go on, your go. Give me the one key for four. I can't wait to get back under. Mate, I didn't enjoy that one that time when I was in the nether space. Mate, he was flashing around trying to suck your dick, like I say, and also, weirdly, you know that thing, the morphing of the face thing that you were talking about? Your teeth started to go eee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee it was approaching that's why you've got to get them out in 90 seconds I did otherwise I could have had a pair of just make sure you pull me out make sure you pull me out oh I'd love to pull you out because I enjoy it okay I was

Starting point is 00:59:13 enjoyed up until that one and now I'm fucking ribs are killing me the backs fucking knackered I'll see you I'll see see tell me and then when I was up in the nether space it was just I was rolling around in a big box of nettles a big box of nettles all right yeah it feels like I'm still been stung. Right anyway. Put it round my thumb. Here we go. Let's do this. Clamping it now. Here we go. Focus. Vera what would you like in your happy meal? Small fries. It's taking. Start the clock. Now if I'm not mistaken that's teen yeti. Hi everybody!

Starting point is 00:59:45 What are you doing? Did you go to the dark place or did you go to heaven? Mate, I'm in the art of life. There's all sorts of different levels out here and all sorts of markets for some up tempo pop. With a bit of a retro style on the band, you know. But it's fine. It's not as comfy as Mount Got-Pence had become and that's a bit of a regret of mine, that I didn't, you know, get to finish that project, Paul. But I'm too young, you know. Are you still making music then up there?

Starting point is 01:00:16 Absolutely, Paul. Are you making music with like dead celebrities and stuff? I've got Frank Sinatra and not a lot of people who are nervous, right, but Frank Sinatra. He's very good on the little drum thing, holding the hand and it's kind of square. It's not square, it's like it's got a shape, you know. What do you know what I mean? We've only got 20 seconds left of your time. What message would you like to give to the audience?

Starting point is 01:00:41 Please keep buying my records because I do get, it's a token system. Love you all, nice to meet you, the body for a minute, I'm too late. Alright take care Teen Yeti, I've got to say the words now so bye bye, bye bye Teen Yeti. Say the fucking words then, Carrot Bag. Carrot Bag, Carrot Bag, Carrot Bag. I can only say Carrot Bag once the time is up, if I it beforehand, you can corrupt the spirit and the other vessel can't return. Sorry, I don't know what you're saying, Paul. I just came back into my budget. It doesn't matter now, does it?

Starting point is 01:01:11 Whew. That is a buzz, I tell you. I don't like it. I felt so fucking... I felt like I had hair all over my body. Yeah, because you were teen yeti for a bit. Oh, was I? Yeah. For some reason you got your cock out when I was having a look at it for a bit. Nestles of the Nussleys. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:28 You got a yeti fondle. Nice work. Do you want to have one more go? Yeah, let's do one more. One more then. One more. I mean, they did say in that video, Paul, that you should only do it... Well, we've done it. ...wouldn't this be the third time for you going under? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:40 They say that's the cut-off point. Are you up for it? Because you could get sucked under. One more, yeah. We could do it. No, one more. Yeah, fine. Okay, here we go Just give it give it a give it a give it a I want a better experience in the last one That was shit that last one. Where is it? I've got a Give it just put on be flippant man. I need it man. Oh have respect for the need it Give me this I need the sensation for the claw feels good to have these characters come through me. It's nice

Starting point is 01:02:02 All right, okay clear your mind. All right. Mm-hmm. Okay, so what comes through here? Vera, what do you want in your happy meal? Small fries. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh's me, Madam Lady Plop. Oh! Oh! Oh dear, sorry boys. I'm not used to having real bowels. You've really gone for it there, Madam Lady Plop. Great to see you, Jane.

Starting point is 01:02:35 You really are exercising the contents of Paul's bowels into his pants there. Yes, I'm just overexcited being on this earthly plane again, because when I was up there, oh, it's not every time you do a drop, it just goes straight through the cloud and lands in Iceland, don't you know? Madam Lady Plops, what's it like up there, and is Squishy Jim with you?

Starting point is 01:02:56 That's what we all want to know. Well, of course, me and Squishy Jim, although married and dead, we're still very much in love up there. Because they're fucked. What? They're very, we're very much in love up there. They're fucked. What? We're very much in love up there, yes of course. Those fucking cunts! Is that you, ladyplops? I think something else coming through here, Paul.

Starting point is 01:03:13 Someone's pushing me back! Someone's pushing me back! Carrot bag, carrot bag, carrot bag! You're too late for that. I'm still fucking late for that, you fucking cunt, innit? Who the fuck? I think something's stuck in Paul. I can't, I'm trapped in the Nether's Horde! Paul's shaking, he's shaking.

Starting point is 01:03:35 That's, oh, his flesh seems to be cracking and coming apart. Carrot bag, carrot bag, carrot bag! I'll fucking carry it back for you, you fuck-off. Oh, in the dark, alright. I'll fucking carrot bag for you, fuck off! Oh! In the dark, alright? I'm the biancy of shadow! Give back Paul's body! You can't fucking be all fucking honest!

Starting point is 01:03:53 Fuck this! What's all this then? It's fucking lovely having a fucking body, innit? Yeah, all pretty once! Oh, he's touching me! Oh, what's all this paperwork? I've tried pulling other hands, and you know what? I don't want to.

Starting point is 01:04:07 I'm giving this fucking body back to you. I don't want to. No, it's my fucking body now. Okay. And you. Just leave. I'm gonna eat your fucking legs. Just leave.

Starting point is 01:04:15 Just leave. I'm gonna eat them right off I will. A carrot bag. I've got a world out there. A demon world, in fact. Where's Vera? Vera's coming for you. Vera's coming back from the toilet

Starting point is 01:04:43 Freedom! God! Bull! Oh God! God! Where's Bulls nun? Thanks for watching!

CheapShow - Ep 407: Talk To Us

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