CheapShow - Ep 416: New Year With The CheapShows

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

NOTE: PLAY @ 22:57 to sync up with the New Year celebrations at Midnight! OK, so we lied! It turns out THIS is the final episode of 2024! We thought it would be fun to record a “real time countdown��� episode you can listen to as you await the chimes of midnight to celebrate the New Year. Over the course of 60 minutes (or so) Paul and Eli have a few drinks, think about the past year (but not too much) and dive into a few PO Box offerings to see what treats (or tricks) lie within! Expect the usual mix of muck and mirth as the cheap chaps encounter unusual sexual practices, classic Japanese board games, odd candy, spooky vinyl SFX records and all manner of grubby nonsensical tangents! Goodbye 2024/Hello 2025! Thanks for listening and supporting CheapShow – it really means the world to us! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-416-new-year-with-the-cheapshows And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art & merch: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello everybody, it's time for the year to be out. Bye bye year, I don't like you. See ya, don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out. Do you know what? I'd go so far as to go so far as to go further. What would you say to the year? What would you say to the year? Fuck off.

Get the fuck out, fuck off. I survived 25, oh until 25, it's 25 now. In the year 25, 25. By J. Grin Evans. If man is still alive. He won't be. Anyway, hold on. I've got a song for Christmas.

Yeah, I've just thought of it. Would you huff on my pink ventolin? We'll take a huff on my pink ventolin. I'm going to stop you and ask, how was that related to Christmas? Have a suck. I'm getting to it. Have a suck on my pink ventolin. Jingle bells. Fucking Nora. I'm feeling to it, have a suck on my pink, ventolin jingle bells.

Fucking Nora. I'm feeling tired. Yeah, aren't you? All right, hello everyone, welcome to Cheap Show. Now, we're going to, what's the purpose here? Are we at five minutes yet? Well, no, we're not. Here's what we're doing this year, something a bit different. We haven't done a countdown to New Year's. We thought for a bit of fun, how about we let you, the dear listener, use us as a countdown to Midnight, New Year's Eve 2024 into Anno Domini 2025. So, to be clear, if you're listening to this

earlier in the day of the 31st of December 2025, we're going to put in a timer mark, aren't we Paul? Beep, beep, beep. That's the sound. I want that on my pink ventolin track. Beep, beep, beep. Yeah, in's the sound? I want that on my pink Ventolin track. Beep beep beep. Yeah, in the chorus. Go on, go for it, hang on. Okay. Take a huff on my pink Ventolin. Beep beep beep.

Thank you, that is actually quite good. Noiseland. I have a pink Ventolin as well. Yeah, I know. It's not called Ventolin. It's peeking out your pocket. I'll have a huff on your little pink Ventolin. This is where I wanted to go with this.

Mine's blue. I watched a film last. Mine's only blue, very small. Oh, blue waffle Ventolin. And you have to I watched a film. Mine's only blue, very small. Oh, blue waffle Ventolin. And you have to puff it a few times before anything comes out and when it does it's just gas. Oh this is what I mean. Ventolin as a um an inhaler as a metaphor for penis has mileage right? It does. We've only gone a few feet into the penis's Ventolin metaphor here. If you're feeling tight-chested, get my pink, get my pink prescription only. Oh right.

Ventolin and spray across your tits, something like that. Oh yeah, we got there. I mean I jumped the fence to get there to be fair and now I've got muddy shoes comedically. You really do. So here's the plan ladies and gentlemen, right? The minute the credits start, that's an hour. We're going to do a full hour in real time and then we'll do a countdown into New Year's Day. So if you want to, you can listen. You can have us on. We'll all survive the very last moments of 2025.

So is there anything you want to say before we start the party? Of 2024. Survive till 2025. That's the rhyme. Anyway, have we got the pertinent details out about what you can do? Yes, all I'm saying is- You can see the year out with us. When the credits start, you have an hour until midnight. So, hey, look, I'm getting excited, it's New Year's, it's Cheap Show, come along.

Come along everyone. Because the time starts now, beep bop beep. Press the fucking credits. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I am responsible for. Chodney... Chodney Borough. I hate you, I've got to be you as a bossy. Cheap show to the mama mine. Chodney Borough. Cheap show to the mama mine. Right, it's time. Start your party. Brr, brr, it's Cheap Show. You can have a drink. We can be sober.

Oh God. He has got a drink. I have got a drink. I've got a Brew Dog, Hazy Jane Guava. Probably quite a nice beer, even though they're run by the worst men in history. All beers are, aren't they though? All beer companies are run by the worst men. Well, Brew House, what are they called? Brew Dog. Brew Dog. They've had their...

They've had their... I should be the front man for Brew Dog. I come on stage dressed like a tramp and go... Ruff, ruff, ruff! I don't think they go for that. They're just like a stinking old man and I just come on and there are all these young people drinking going... And I just walk awkwardly in at the end of the advert and go... Ruff, ruff, ruff! Like that dog synthesizer noise from the early 80s that's one of the earliest

records we covered on this podcast do you remember? New shoes? Oh no super dog there's also that as well. New shoes doesn't do that. No it just in my head. It's a voice sample yeah dog sample. But in my head it's a dog. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, piece of synth pop. It's very commercial record. Very commercial record. It's almost getting into dance isn't it? A dance sort of aesthetic. Something like that. Listen, we've only got, hang on, how long have we got left? We've got 57 minutes and 20 seconds till New Year. So let's crack in because we've got a few boxes. Crack on. We've got a few boxes. Crack one off over. Crack it up. I've got a very syphilitic penis it's all scabbed over.

And then crack it. Oh you know what I've got a witty penis in the mind. I'm gonna come on my feet I'm gonna crack on me toe or something like that. Crack on me toe. Oh dear. Well how have we been going this long with this level of shit? That's pretty shit. Right so we've got a lot of stuff to get through,

so let's just crack on with that, okay? Right, because we've got a lot of boxes that were sent to us. Stop pointing at the wall. Nothing's over there for me to look at. I forgot we're doing a real-time episode, Paul. Yeah, we're doing a real-time episode. I keep thinking you're gonna do your thing where you press the button.

And I do an edit point. You're not doing that. Do you feel okay? Do you feel okay about that? I'm feeling stressed. I'm feeling a little bit wrought. Wrought? I'm feeling a bit wrought today. We've all been a bit wrought over this.

We've got a few boxes sent to us. Do you want to start with events? Or do you want to start with Princess Toadstools? Or a third box? I can't remember the name of. Sorry, I apologise. We'll get to you in a minute. Well, what do you think? I don't know. I don't like this. I tell you what we'll go for this first box get out of the way. Right hang on here we go. When you say this first box this is the person who isn't Princess Toadstool or event is that right? No no no sorry whoever this was we're going to find out now right because

it came with a simple letter let me read it Baggins it's all it says is Baggins as his name. It's the Lord of the Rings reference. It's two G's though does Baggins have two G's? Baggins. That's all it says is Baggins as his name. That's the Lord of the Rings reference. It's two G's though. Does Baggins have two G's? Baggins is an actual name. Isn't it? It's an actual name in the real world. I presume so. Isn't that funny? No, not really. Objectively.

I find it funny when people in Star Wars are called Ken or whatever. Yeah, there's Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Adam. Yeah, why is it Luke? But then some of them are made up sort of... It's all bollocks. Yeah. It's all frothy bollocks for kids to enjoy. Well, fine. That's fine. Absolutely fine. It's not a problem. I don't have a problem.

Dear Paul and Eli, love your work. Thank you. Had you wanted this 45, the lady on the car boot wouldn't sell me the sound effects unless I also purchased Clive Dunn's granddad and an LP of the Charles and Di wedding. Is this the Judd sound effects? We're gonna find out. I haven't sent those because they're shite. I just don't fair thank you for that. And also thank you back. Yeah thank you. We've got a few grand dads in our collection. Mate that is one of those Yes, thank you. We've got a few grandads in our collection. Mate, that is one of those singles.

Clive Dunn's grandad that is in a lot of, a high percentage of charity shop record bins. Because a lot of people bought them on Impulse. It's a huge one. And then regretted it was like first to go out to the charity shop box. It was a massive number one, wasn't it? Yeah, huge hit. Back when you could get away with that shit. So I do have a couple of tales of the dance floor for you, but as you might observe from

my handwriting, it's not my fault. Oh, don't worry about that. This is perfectly fine. You're doing all right, Baggins. Come on, we're all in this together. The stories involve Mecha Bingo and the death of two old people.

Is Mecha Bingo when Bingo gets into like a... Giant fights with Godzilla. In a big metal suit. Godzilla versus Mecha Bingo. I like that. Come on. Mecha bingo. I like that. Come on. Mecha bingo. Godzilla in the corner with one of those pens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets house.

Anyway, so yeah, send it. I did also do a big poo in the office the day lockdown started, which was still there a year later when lockdown was lifted. So what? Baggins don't. Baggins don't. Where is your office? Baggins? What? So many questions Baggins! That's a one sentence, that's a good tell from the shop floor in one sentence. Here's the thing though, did he just do it poo in the toilet and then didn't flush it? He didn't flush it and it was there four years later. No, a year year. Here's the other thing though, or did he just do it on a desk? And then walk down and then it was there a year later. No, we don't encourage that kind of thing. We do not encourage shitting on desks. Right, let's have a look.

This is that sound effect. You can have a look at it. Can I open this? I can't remember, what was it we were talking about then? Did you see something he found? Do you remember? Thank you Baggins, by the way, thank you very much. Do you remember I found that brilliant music concrete

sort of radiophonic style, but it's, you've got it here in fact. Yes, I know what you're getting at. Yeah, and it was some guy who did sound effects in the fifties. All moogie. Yeah. It's all moogie type stuff.

It's pre-moogie, it's like tape loops style. Like early radiophonic orchestra. Come on, time's the ticking on. I know it's hard using your hoon. And I think someone found some others cause he's done a, he's done a haunted, a horror one. Like a little E.T.

So is this this then? I hope it is, because I fucking love that shit. Oh, what is it? Oh, it's another wrapper in another wrapper. Okay, I'm giving you that. And it's a brown paper wrapper. It's well packed, very nicely packed, Baggins. It's arrived safe and sound, Baggins.

It feels weird just saying Baggins. Oh, it fucking is. Oh, is it a few? Oh, it is, man. It is. Honestly, I am creaming in my pants, metaphorically. Good, I'm glad. Because I've got some antibiotics

with that actual cream. Should I get my record player out? We can give it a listen. You know, the... Blah, blah, blah, yes, I get it, yeah. Can we just get the record player out we could get a listen. Blah blah blah yes I get it yeah. Wow. Haunted House, mystery, sounds and music. Castle that's the label and it's this guy yeah it's this guy Judd, FC Judd who did all of them I've got the music concrep one which I found which I love. Sorry bear with me I'm off my glaze and gentlemen. I'm just setting things up

because I want to have a little listen quick. This is really like a holy grail for me, honestly. It might not be that rare, but fucking hell, I love it. You say thank you to Baggins. I do, I do thank you Baggins. Baggins, thank you very much. Right, I've got a, I'm doing stuff. I remember they put it, they posted it,

do you want this on Twitter or something? You know? And you did. That's how I knew it was this one, I did know. And the other two are less interesting, but you've got sound effects, these are both... Sound effects, exactly. There's cars, which is number six, and there's children, which is number sixteen. These are EMI ones. But this is really like a little cottage industry this castle you know it's one guy basically who did who had machines in his garage

or something this is just such a beautiful which one you mean to listen to we'll put one on the mic let's have the haunted house one go on quick house that's the one haunted house music Wow side one 45 yeah 33 or 45 45 cool. There we go. Let's have a little listen to this thing Here we go Oh Here we go, you gotta come and I'm gonna put the speaker here hang on I'm gonna be headphones on Here we go. Imagine. This is the haunted house It's rain

wind Yeah, there's wind Imagine this is a haunted house. It's rain. Wind. Yeah, there's wind. Pardon about that. I've had a beefy dinner. You had a beefy dinner. Thunder. These are just sound effects. Some of it's... What are we... What side are you on? A.

Yeah, thunderstorm is the first thing. Yeah. Mysterious... What? Mysterious girl, Peter Andre. Track two is misteriisto which is special FX music so let's have some of the music that's yeah this is what we're talking about. Oh my god I love this. This is proper scary weird sound stuff tape loop early tape loop vibe. Yeah it's spooky innit. I like it. See like, woo, do you hear that? What is this, track three of them I think?

Fright. Again, another music track. It's all very ambient, innit? See this? I love this. On the other side you've got spooks. Come home, Eli. That's proper. Do you hear that?

Whoa! Come home. I can test that this could be used today. A bit like, do you hear that found footage that they used on the... What? The trailer for the new 28 Years Later film. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a play of wood equipment. It gives something a vibe, and I feel like this would give a similar vibe to something,

you know? This is a spook. Cats. I've put it on the track in the middle. Dungeon. Sorry. There's this clock. It looks like a haunted house or something.

It's got a real vibe. I can't, we can't do this forever. Okay. Sorry. Is this a clock? It looks like a haunted house or something. It's got a real vibe. We can't do this forever. Okay. But that was... hey! What a lot of fun! Thank you. That honestly is... What else is there?

...gonna be prized in my collection. Children? Sound effects of children doing what? Just shouting and shit? Babies and cars? I'm gonna play this, parts of this, when we do a Halloween episode this year on my radio show on Soho Radio. House of Pickle sound show everyone. Hang on, what's this one? This kids... Oh God, oh God! Stop playing that! Oh my God! No one needs this.

I really don't need this. Quiet the baby! Smuggle need this. Quiet the baby! Smuggle it! Smuggle the baby! Make it clear, you meant kill the baby, yes? Yeah. What's this? No, no, no.

No, no, no. We're not having that on our podcast. We are not having that on our podcast, poor. What's this one? This is nightmare-ish. We're not having that on our podcast. We are not having that on our podcast, poor. This is nightmarish. It's almost scarier than the scary stuff, isn't it? I'm Jimmy Savile, clunk click every trip. Now, are we finished filming? Clunk action, clunk me you. Anyway, you get the gist of that.

Yeah, thank you. There's more stuff in the box. Do we want to have a listen to some of the cars one? I don't know how many. No, we've heard cars. They go brum brum brum. Those are of less interest, but honestly this is. That's such a great fun. Do you know what I mean about why I like it so much?

I do. It's a hauntological sort of. Tell you what, real time episodes mate. Come on Paul. We've got to cram it all in. Oh I can tell you about the film I saw last night. No, we're not watching. I saw Female Trouble by John Walters.

You heard of that? Yes. There's a lot of minge. Lot of minge in it. And Scabby Dick. There's a Scabby Dick shot. So it's right up your street man. Hello, I'm scabby dick. He gets out is did basically. I'm pulling my chair up. Divine plays both the mother and the father of the

Divine is the main character Dawn Davenport. Okay fine. But basically gets. I'm not interested we've got an hour and I can't have your film review. I was just saying. Any of John Waters films are worth a gander if you're interested in the off kilter. You also put this in. Oh God. I'm going to have some of that now. You're going to have that now? Can I?

If you want. Don't be opening it in here. I mean I don't really want to open it in here. That's fine. I understand that Paul. Tell them what it is though. Unlike you spraying various foams and experiments over my front room over the years. Call it come, call it what it is. Paul, we've got the front room back by the way. Good. So we can

use that again. Oh I kind of like doing it in your little room again. There was a vibe to it. There was but... Let's mix it up, let's just mix it up. Let's see how we roll. Oh I'm glad. Is this you just saying I can't be asked to clean my bedroom? Basically. Yeah, right. Baggins, thank you very much for the hot pickle. It's Van Holtens Hot Pickle. They've recently the same sort of firm who makes these truck stop pickles. Probably the most

overpriced pickles that exist in the world. One pickle is about £3. And all the packaging needed for it as well, which is ridiculous. Well, it's less packaging than a jar. Yeah. you sometimes get in the supermarket you get like Polish pickles right yeah come in larger sachet packets like this poor yeah have you seen those they're good briny briny cucumbers I've heard her I get dizzy very easily. Briany?

Yes. Who said that? I'm wobbly. Briany, do you prefer Muz Cucumbers? Ummm. Are you here? Okay, okay, okay, please. I'm falling over.

Briany, please. Oh, can't please stand up? Please, are you here for the audition? Oh, I get windy when I fall over! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b to explain it all into content now. Let it breathe! You're the one falling over farting and making the wibble wibble noise mouth. She's not, no what she is is she's a um hang on she is a... An ARS? Yes to a uh dildo factory heirloom uh thing. Briny's cucumbers. Yeah she comes from a long line of... Cucumbers dildos? Yeah she comes from a long line of sex toy family. And they're known as the Cucumbers. Yes. Cucumbers Dildos Incorporated.

That's exactly what I'm saying. Cucumbers Dildos Incorporated. I'm just going to test my new model. Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl They mocked me innards! I don't know what's going on! It's basically a young Madame Lady Plops, isn't it? You know what? It's the origin story of Madame Lady Plops. You could argue it's the exact same thing as Lady Plops. Let's be honest. You've had too much of that beer already.

That's not true. I've had not enough of it. Right. Come on. Count down to New Year. We've got another box, don't we? Yeah, we've got another one. Let's go to this one. Do you know what I've got in my bag? What? A little bit of bourbon. Oh, have you? Yeah. Oh, come on. End of year.

I guess I'll have a little. Now, this just says to Eli and Paul, love Liz, AKA Princess Toadstool. Thank you, Liz. Happy New Year. Thank you for this package. Happy New Year. Thank you very much. Oh, it's got lovely pink DHL tape on it. Yeah, it has. Plum candy, little bag of plum candy. Nice. Should we try these? These are vitamin candy, so they're going to be chalky, I would have thought, rather than chewy, because that... I would have thought so, yes, but we just don't know. You can get gummy vitamins now, can't you? Yeah, I like them. I do, I like them.

But they have to get a certain type, if not, they taste of horrible cheap candy. Bigfoot, this is Big Foot, that's the name of the brand. And it's a very red angry foot, almost like it's made of red balloons that foot. Yeah, or it's been stubbed on a particularly gnarly nail. Or perhaps you've had some terrible venereal disease that's spread all the way down to you. It's only been 16 minutes. I'm mentally all out. Yeah, but I can talk about this now. Go on. Imagine you had a red hot pulsing venereal disease that sort of spread down your leg and then it went to your foot and then you're like, ooo your foot's getting angry and hot and

you need to burst your foot. It could be like a massive blood clot. Let's think of all the lovely horrible things it could be. Or here's's this you put it in a great big comedy bucket of hot water and you pull it out and it's throbbing red and you go like that. Shall I open these? Sorry I was very sorry about that. You've been on the fizzy beer how is that beer by the way the hazy Jane Guava? It's all right. It's fruity? Only a little bit. It's got a little bit of a sweet aftertaste. It's kind of like almost like the one we eat. You quite like those sweeter beers don't you? That's why you like Desperado. I do. That was a highlight for me this year. What? Drinking Desperado. In the park. When we did the cowboy stuff in the shootout. I loved it. I loved drinking a load of Desperado. They were foul. I'll tell you what that episode proves is the power of audio in podcasting, right?

Because near the end we do the big shootout and you can hear the bang, bang, bang and the music that I put on and stuff like that. So kind of cool in your head when you're listening, someone in a comment under the video for that, that I put up the accompanying video diary episode went, oh, in real life, the shootout's not all that impressive. It was terrible. It was just you hiding behind one tree as I ran left and right.

Yeah, you couldn't. And I was like, yeah. I was unloading wildly as well into you. And that's why I think, you know, the power of podcasting means in your head we were diving and jumping and all sorts. That's the magic of it. That's the magic of it. That's why I think sometimes video showing rather than telling can be in some respects,

it takes something away. Well, especially when you're talking about audio narratives, which we are sort of. Well, we're on the line there. We are actually doing something, but we've narrate- Pseudo-narrative. We've narrativised it for, but what I'm trying to say is, there are limitations when you do an audio play, because obviously you have to explain more because they can't see it.

Yes. But then there's also the other side where you can sort of imagine more. Do you see me? Or suggest more. Yeah. Because there is no budget limitation to your imagination. Right. So open those while I look at this. This is a Nissin instant noodle spicy sesame oil flavor.

Oh, it's an absolute thing of beauty. I'll take pictures of these before you take it all away. So I love one of Nissin's strong points on their deck style instant noodles. Yes, the deck or the puck or the biscuit, whatever you want to call it. Is the extra sachet of oil. Yeah. And that lifts a noodle, Paul. It lifts me up.

I recently saw a video where proper Asian chefs were tasting instant noodles. Yeah. And they were doing a blind taste test of them. Yeah. And it was interesting. Why? The cup noodle did not fare well really the Nissan yeah why was that i think because they had to take it out of the cup to sort of put it there by then it sort of disintegrated you see what i mean but they were talking about have ones that keep their sort of chew yeah yeah it was it

was eye-opening and made me think I'm gonna wanna try Sapporo Ishiban. All right. Which is this brand which I haven't really gotten to. Well, 2025, maybe the year of Ishiban Bishiban, or whatever it is you said. We should try the ones, the good ones that they say were good.

See, there's still mileage in this podcast, Eli. There's always mileage in noodles, especially if you took a noodle and like laid it end to end. And then they made one big noodle. The ultra noodle. The ultra noodle. Oh, I would get up inside that. Well, I bet that's delicious. I don't know if I've actually... I'm the noodle canoodler.

You've said that before. Can I cuddle with that? No, I think... The character I'm bringing up for 2025, I'm laying the seeds now, ain't I? Laying the seeds, mate, for the new briny cucumber. That is good. Cucumbers. Come on. Briny cucumbers. No, cucumbers better. It needs that hard stuff. You think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Briny cucumber. Yeah, it's fine.

I like it. It's thick. And then it's cucumber dildo. Or cucumbers dildos. Doogle the Noodle Canoodler. That's my new one. Doogle the Noodle Canoodler. That's the Noodle Oodle Man. Let's have a little cuddle with your Noodle. That's that Noodle Oodle Man. We did that before. That's John Perchley and he goes blalalalalala like that. Aunt Sally. Oh that's so different than you. Blalalalalala. Do you think that's how Wurzel Gummidge went down on Aunt Sally? He would take his... Oh dear. Just add a niff-naff on these plum bots. What's wrong with them? They've got a savoury undertow. Why? Yeah, a deep, narcy, savoury undertow. The Shuffle the Huff. Shuffle. And they are born in you. They smell stronger than you expect as well. Eww. It's a sweet, but almost...

But it almost smells like you're sniffing a cupboard. Yeah. Like a cheap wood cupboard. Yeah. God, they are. They're little chalky candies. I know, because they wood cupboard. Yeah, god. They are their little chalky can I know cuz they're vitamins Yeah, are they vitamins? Hmm. Oh, so we shouldn't have like loads of these then because they've been see oh well They just you can overdose on that. I don't like that flavor. That is So sweet and sort of manky. Oh What is that is that slight saltiness that's there with it. Why is it salty? Because plums, they have salted plums and stuff. That doesn't even taste like a plum.

I don't know what this flavor is. It's a salty plum. That was really intense. I wonder what it's like with bourbon. Well I thought you were getting your bourbon out. I haven't got it in the original bottle. This is my walking around the Heath ball. Here's the next thing that we've been given. This is for you because I don't want this. I don't know what this is. Here, do you want a capful of bourbon? Yes. Yes, please, Daddy. Happy New Year, everyone. Happy New Year, everyone. If you drink, have a drink. If you don't, don't. But whatever you do, do. Here we go. I'm having a cat fall now. Salute. Little cat fall. Oh, that's the kind of bit daddy likes to suck. Right, here's the next thing. This is for you. I don't want this. It is Tianjin Jin preserved vegetable. It comes in a ceramic pot.. Oh cool. But I don't know exactly what it is.

It's some kind of pickled. It's some kind of pickles. I enjoyed some kimchi pickle today. It's preserved cabbage. Yeah. Ingredients. Cabbage. Oh. Gollick and salt. Brilliant. It's going to be stinky. Prefer preserved cabbage. You can't open it I think because it's got a wax top on it. That's what kimchi is. I think this is basically a Chinese version of a kimchi. But it's in like a clay pot. I bet that's super pungent. Himalayan salt. Extra cool.

It's another Bigfoot. Extra cool. Mint candy. Lemon flavored. Oh, actually, some of the smell is seeping through. Is it? Yeah. Have a little smell of the label.

Yeah. There's a salty... Don't do that. I like doing it. Gives me a tug-of-the-hood chud. That's all. I haven't said anything like that in years. It's you tug-of-the-hood chud. No, tugging the hood chud. Oh right. Oh, that's clear then. You know like the 50 ways to leave your lover? Tugging in the hood, chud. Just beating the meat, Pete. Smelling my feet. Jacking it, jacking the stack.

Jack. This could go on for a long... I've got fucking preserved cabbage seepage on my fingernails. I remember when Ringo Starr said that at the end of that song. That wasn't Ringo Starr... Was that Ringo who said that? Yeah, I got blisters on me fingers. That white album, End of Hell to Skelter.

Take 78 or whatever it was. I got blisters in my fingers! Right, now we've got a book in the bag. Right, this is the rest of the show, everyone. That's not the rest of the show, we've got another package. Events and stuff. Events? Is that the biggest box? Yes.

Context needed. This is the encyclopedia of unusual sex practices by a woman probably called Brenda Love. Call off the episode, content overload. That's like saying here's an encyclopedia of perversions by Kinky Basil. A little bit like that. You can't cut that out. So I'm gonna have to stick with it. Everyone heard you say Kinky Basil. Ha ha ha ha. Dig dong, I'm Kinky Basil. It's a bit more like-

Do you like having both fingers up your arse all as your balls are tickled by a spaniel? I do. Then come to Kinky Basil's party. I will. Eight o'clock tonight. I'm going to be there. Come clothed with a cut in the back of your dress around the seating area.

So you can get the knob right up. The knob right up? As I sit there? Yes, and it won't be just a normal knob, Adam, no. Well, it'll be scabby. No. I like it scabby, so I've got something to eat. It shall be wearing a clown's hat with a big clown's red nose on the end.

I hope you don't mind. I've got fermented cabbage fingers all day long. Getting it all over my clowns. Ball was red nose. Come on, open the book, ball. You can't even remember what this cat is called. Kinky Basil. Do you like it when your bumhole's licked by a cat of the Persian variety on a bed of olives? Like that? Right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, it's a book. It's filled with astonishing facts

that most people could never have imagined. It presents a unique guide to Brenda Love. It's like being called Lisa Amore. I was trying to get at you. Yes, thank you. It's like an Encyclopedia of Kisses by Brenda Amore. Yeah. Lisa Amore. Kinky Basil. Kinky Basil's taking it to a whole new different thing. It's a unique guide to the human sexual expression, ranging from the mildly kinky to the truly bizarre. It says kinky, so maybe Kinky Basil it wasn't.

Stop. Right. This is Paige. Oh, mate. Let it be dogs. Please let it be dogs. Necrophilia is the one you picked. page. Oh mate. Let me know please. Let it be dogs Necrophilia picked Wow. Oh dear. I thought what was this the patient expect explained his Fascination with death and corpses to me quote. I had to find sexual expression I could live with since according to my mother real sex was dirty My four-year-old mind that you know what not reading that Pick another page. All right, that was my fault stop. It was my fault kind of Paraphilia what's paraphilia that is ghosts. Is it no it is deviance

Perversion set over to the character power of going beside or beyond a miss philiailia attachment to. So it's defined by John Money as a condition occurring in men and women of being compulsively responsive to and obligatively dependent upon an unusual or personal or social or accepted sexual stimulus. Okay, so it's a whole it's a whole class of it. It's it's yeah, it's a broad. It's a broad, broad sort of would paraphilia be like balloons being into balloons being popped and all of that? I guess I don't know. I just it just unacceptable.

It's fucking drawing. Look at that one. There's like a goat see there in that top corner. Someone. Well, what is that? A clunge or a ball sack or just a load of hair? That's I don't know. in that top corner. Someone, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. What is that? A clunge or a ball sack or just a load of hair? I don't know.

I mean, I think it's nebulous on purpose. Why are they all so hairy in these books? Oh, there's one called Bastanino. I tell you what, that film I saw last night, Lotta Minch. Lots of balls. Lots of dick. Lot in that sexual film. There's one line that really stood out to you. Where the daughter

of the main character, her dad goes, come and suck daddy's dick. And she goes, I wouldn't suck that dick if I was drowning and your balls were filled with oxygen. Oh, that's a good line, innit? Yeah, it stands out in the whole film. What's auto-fisting? Auto-fisting is rare and those who practice it find that the angle of the hand and wrist is awkward and the depth is naturally restricted. Yes, we all know what that is. What does that mean though? Try to fist yourself. Oh, ok.

Auto. Flagellation, vaginal. What did you think it was like a bus? You put a fist on the front of a bus. Chop someone's hand off, put a fist on the front of the bus, lie in the road. And if I've come at you at 40 miles an hour? Oof! Oofy doofy! You got me with that one! on the front of the bus, lying in the road. And just like, coming at you at 40 miles an hour. OOF! Oofy doofy! You got me with that one! I've chucked my muck all over the fucking

I Street! Right, what's this one? Bastinardo. Bastinardo is a form of foot torture that originally was used on criminals. Many never walked again. Uh, well that doesn't go into detail, but just says it's usually short whips with leather

that are used to slack the thing. They all come into the category don't they? Submissive, dominant, you know, torture. What do you think this is? Scrotal infusion. Oh I don't like that. They're a great band from 1984. I don't like that. That's where they blow your balls up with a straw or something do they yeah ballooning stroke lymph nodes now we're in the Eli no no zone we're in the Eli no no zone although there might be reasons for expansion by air or gas I would oh god

man cuz you hear those stories about the guy who falls and slips on the air pressure pump and it goes right up the arsehole and then shh! ooooh! and then their arsehole bursts or something or they inflate yeah it's horrible just a thought why would you do that? oh what's this? metonome? metonome? metonome? metonome refers to an incision or tearing done to enlarge the meatus.

No. Yes it is, isn't it? What is it? Enlarge the meatus of the... It just says youthria. Oh my god! Your e-thra. That's why it's called meat.

That's why it's got that meat syllable there. Does that mean you don't want to know what splitting is? I don't want to know, Paul. You're in the bad part of the book. Splitting the penis of the glands. Remember we talked about that last week? Glands. It's a new word to you, Paul, but everyone else has been aware of it for years. Yeah but anyway you split it. I'm

Glans Pubis. Welcome to my lecture. Oh there's personal ads, personal power. Oh yeah they talk about personal ads. Fit Active WWF. What does that mean? World Wrestling Federation. I know that or World Wildlife Fund. I don't know which one's which. Caring, warm, seeking friend and compassion. Male virgins. Very busy, attractive, heterosexual female would like to meet, would like discrete, intimate fun with you. So these are all just- Why are they in there? I don't understand. As an example of personals. It's an encyclopedia. I am a bi woman of 40 who wishes to share experiences regarding emasculation of males via repeated masturbation and foot fetishism.

Sperm drawing? I don't know what that is. Passive males for parenting. Sperm drawing? We know what that is. Does it mean to draw? You try and draw a knob in your own spunk. That's interesting isn't it?

I mean how many goats would you need? I made a snake. I made a slug. I've done a picture of a wiggly worm. It's abstract, it's a Pollock. It's definitely a Pollock. It's one, it's one splodge. I call it splodge number one. I call it three percent of a Pollock. Anyway, there's that one. How much time have we got left? Because we've got to get on to events and presents. Sexy and erotic wife, young wife, loves to make VHS videotapes with super endowed bodybuilders.

Oh, that's very specific. I have many VHS tapes I'm willing to share with others who share the same hot desires. That's pre-internet business where you'd be in video clubs or whatever. Can I just read this one? Then we'll come back to this in another episode. Because we need to do another sex episode. I told you this would just go and go. It's your dirty mind. This is my favourite one of the whole personal ads thing.

It's called more than just a snack. Okay, like snack is a... that's a word for like a hot thing. I know. Isn't it? Let's see it through. It's poo poo eating, isn't it? My lover and I are interested in getting together with a small group of friendly men for long safe cock sucking

sessions. I am especially interested in experiencing worshippers of uncut dicks. I enjoy feeding the hungry. Like Jesus Christ. Why do they, that's the whole American thing. It must be from America, the whole uncut. Because it's really, it's, it's, it's, it's unusual to be, have an uncircumcised penis there, isn't it? Yeah, I know. It's like they make a big fucking deal out of it. They do.

It's like, you're the one who does it unnecessarily. There's that call-in. Do you remember that call-in we heard? Yeah. That was so hilarious. Yeah, oh dear. Uncut. It was a bunch of people making fun of this one guy calling in who?

Who was uncircumcised, but he had shame about it. He hated them taking the piss about it Didn't they yet to me? I need every I've got every centimeter counts I'm fine with not being mutilated when I was just a baby against my will any idea of what the point is fuck that anyway our baby again to my will, without any idea of what the point is. Fuck that. Anyway, fixing me glasses, we're moving on to events goodie stash. How long have we got till New Year's? Or tomorrow night New Year's when you're listening to this. If you're listening to this, you have 25 minutes and 24 seconds left. Of 2025?

No, we're in 2024. We've got left 24 now, stop confusing them. Sorry. Unless you just want to actually say 2025 and we can just put this out again this time next year. We could do that, couldn't we? Are we saying goodbye to 2025, 2026, and 2027 in these episodes right now?

So you can play this whenever you want. We use the same one. Or we could just leave them. And that was goodbye to year. And then you say your own year in it. Yeah. It's a multi-faceted. It's a multi-purpose end of year episode for everyone.

Right, let's get into... Let's get into events offerings. Dear Paul and Eli, I'll skip some of this because I think we're going to come back to it in later episodes. Always the best value multiple episode provider of content. Yeah, so, should I read this now

or should I read it once we've opened the stuff? Let's read it. I think I can skip a or should I read it once we've opened the stuff? Let's read it. I think I can skip a lot of this because it goes into what we're about to reveal because Yven sent us some lovely little packages and we're going to open them now and then once we open them I can go into the letter a bit more. Are these these wrapped presents over here? Yeah.

Wow. Yven always goes above and beyond so just a little pause here to say if you want to help Cheap Show in any way, support Yven. She has the website which I'll put the metadata for this episode if you go onto your podcast app and read the description of the episode I'll put in the link to Yvonne's shop where you can buy physical copies of the Cheap Show magazine. There's a magazine, a whole magazine that Yvonne has put together, several copies. Digitally free for Patreon users but you can buy physical copies that come with all kinds of freebies and stuff. The amount of effort and love that

goes into every single fucking issue. The latest one was the Barshens one from earlier last year. Yeah. This year. Just amazing. So if you want to support Cheap Show, support event. Go and buy the magazines. They're fantastic, whether you like Cheap Show or not. So there you go. Let's get into events offerings. Come on, then. Start with the small ones.

This is for both of us. So I'll open this one then we get I think we get individuals. So everyone's wrapped in a nice little Christmas wrapper. Oh this is for both of us. Yep you're opening it. What's this? Looks like a... Oh I think I know what this is but it's not gonna make sense until the end but I'm gonna let you guess what you think it is. It's a little box I'll say that. It's a box and it has Bomberman. Is that Bomberman? No. It's a little box, I'll say that. It's a box and it has Bomberman. Is that Bomberman? No.

It's a character like that, isn't it? Something like that. It's a little character in a sort of box. It looks like a boxer's helmet jumping across a lake from Pink Island to Pink Island. What's a boxer's helmet? You know, that amateurs or in the Olympics, they have helmets. It's what's called a cock splitting. Is it? Yes? Or ball inflation?

Yes. Oh, fucking put some air in it, now it looks like a boxer's helmet. Is it like that? And it has... Oh yeah, the padding that they have around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, forget it. That does look like one as well, doesn't it? It probably is.

It has on. So that would suggest... He's a boxer! He is a boxer, because he's got little boxing gloves on. Well has he? Boxer man. Let me open another little package. Maybe it will illuminate more. Actually, this one's just for Eli.

So have a little look at that. Hand that back to you. I'll hand this back. It's a toy. Because I think I know what this is, but it won't make sense until we open the big one. Is it? It has Japanese writing on it. Oh.

I'm opening my present now. All right, we'll go into this in a minute. Because this is really cool, this little box. This mystery little box. Oh my god. It's a little van, orange van. A little orange van, a little diecast car. Circle K Sunkist 2007 motor collection. Oh, is it based on a food brand or something? It says Sunkist, which is not Sunkist. No, but it must be a food brand of some kind. It's a great color. Yeah. It's like a VW van, all in sort of a bright orange.

Yeah. I think that is a brand of noodle or something. It must be. Oh, fucking great. Oh, he's gonna open it, so it won't be mint in box no more. I don't mess with mint in box. Don't you? You don't play that mint in box game.

No. Why did you make a big fuss out of that light pen thing that you said never open, because it might be worth something when it obviously wouldn't? It's like a walk of that episode. I've changed over the years Paul. Yeah. Oh, I'm sweating now. Did you put the heating on? No! I'm sweating my arse off. It's the booze. It's the booze here at the liver. It hurts. Here we go again. Here we go. Make him sweat. Yeah. Make him sweat. I just want to look at this closer.

Oh, this is actually mounted. Oh, it's mounted to the plastic base yeah stand what does that say though that brand you are closer to a light I am look at it but it's a VW camper let me do lens lens it all right keep talking because it's live okay we are going to lens this item now and we'll see we'll see what it is everybody and talking now chirp the burter chirp the burter chirp the burter everyone right what have you got what have you got for me uh it's the glico running man logo it's a little face pulling a ton of tongue and it is for a brand I don't know. I'm looking at this Toyo Sushan Maruchu Simon Chuka Wofa Weifu Shoyu So maybe it's a curry they make curry and so cool stuff like that. Yeah, Japanese brand

Thank you. There's a little event. I love that. Remember I'm gonna take a picture of that later. So maybe they'll put it away My little box then because I've been sent my own little teeny box. But that's the Running Man on that? It's not Running Man. No, no, no, that's Boxer Man. I think this is going with that but we'll come to that in a minute. With the big eyes? Okay. Right, because there's a great big box at the end. So what's this? Oh, I've got your personal present now. This is one from Avengers for me. And it's a little cardboard box. Oh. And it's sealed with sellotape. Come on, you need to get that off. Get it off, break it off.

Do use your teeth, something. Okay, it's come off. It's come off, everyone. Paul's come off. Oh, it's got pins in. Oh, shit. Yeah, what pins have I got? There's loads of pins.

I might be generous and give you one of these. Well, let's see. Oh, not that he's not getting that one. I think Aven's psychic because there was a pin I was going to get of Ghostbusters where it was kind of mutated, melty Ghostbusters logo, and I didn't get it because it was more to ship it from America. Than it cost. Like $22, and the badge itself was like a couple of dollars.

But look at that, it's a little kind of neon purple and green Ghostbusters logo in a kind of melty fashion. That's excellent. That's going on the Ghostbusters board. That's a great variation, isn't it? Yeah. That's really cool. Yeah, all right, cool. I like that.

It's like a radioactive slimy Ghostbusters logo. Yeah, I love that. It's got shades on for some reason. Maybe it's a different... It's a knockoff basically is what that's saying. It's like someone's independently designed that and made a pin out of it. Okay, but it's not referencing another franchise maybe.

No, no. Like toxic avenger for example. It's weird because I have a bit of obsession with pin badges and I go on eBay and I look around and what you tend to find is there are all these kind of like legal knockoff designs and there's like 20 sellers selling the exact same badge on different places, on different pages.

And I think this falls into that, where it's like a kind of design that someone's nicked, made into badges and people just buy them in bulk and then sell them through their own accounts. And it kind of drop shipping type of way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's another Ghostbusters pin. Oh, this is the one that I was really excited about.

Because even though it's got another one you were really excited about. Well, yeah, because this, what I really have on my Ghostbusters pin board is a Ghostbusters logo facing the European way. This is where I get awkward, right? Because they know the no ghost... Nerdy would be a word.

Yeah, nerdy is a word. So you know the Ghostbusters logo, the red circle part of it, right? Which is a symbol that you use for traffic about no go, right? The chirality of that is different in Europe and the US because no the official worldwide look of that logo it comes from it comes from northwest down to northeast on the logo if that makes sense southeast northwest yeah it goes from northwest on the circle down to southeast right yeah that's how it should be in Europe and things like that the designer though of

the Ghostbusters logo who literally his name just fucking popped out of my head and I can't remember. Michael C. Gross. Michael C. Gross. He designed it to face the other way because he said aesthetically it just looked better and he was correct. Is that the European way? No, the way it faces in most of the badges. If you look at those badges, it's all the Ghostbusters folks facing the left. So nowhere in the world are signs actually like that, the way he did it. No, just, I mean, just for the logo. It looks better with the bar going across from north east to south west. However, in Europe and Japan, the logo was often facing the European way, because it

reflected the European sign. Do you see what I'm saying? No. In the film it faces the opposite way than it should face, depending on the original orientation of the bar on the red sign. Do you see what I'm saying? No. In the film it faces the opposite way than it should face depending on the original orientation of the bar on the red sign. But now when you say European way does that mean different parts of the world have it going different ways? I can't say, I can't say for sure but all I know is when it comes to design of that logo the way it faces on the American marketing is aesthetically the way it was designed. However, the logo should face the other way

based on the actual orientation of that sign. What signs look like in real world? Yes. That's a long-winded way to say, here's a badge of it looking the European way. Oh. Which is super rare in marketing. Like all those badges face left,

the ghost face left, and in that one he faces right. Okay. Do you see what I mean? And when I saw it, I was like, oh yeah, can I please have that? Because even though it's a tiny little button badge, it's different compared to all the other ones on there just for the orientation. You're going to have to tape it onto your

board or something. Yeah, I've got a little way of using these because this has a kind of a safety pin clasp rather than the pin button thing. Two for two event. Oh, this is cute. This is just a simple one. It just says ghost hunter club and it's a little ghost in a white circle. That's it But I like that one That's almost like a very well that one Yeah, do you want that one? I'll give you that one cuz I know you like your pins and that one's a nice generic one So you don't have to worry about it. Thank you very much a lovely pin

But yeah, no, I'll let you have that one and then the final one is not Ghostbusters Is it no it is but I think I have that's Ghostbusters This is a slimer and it says hot dogs and slime. And there's like a little Slimer. Ah, that's excellent as well. I think, do I have that one? Cause on the pin board. Do you have it already?

No, I've got, no I don't have it. That's excellent. That's going on the pin board as well. That's not similar. You're gonna need a bigger Ghostbusters pin board. No, I'm just gonna rearrange it. It's fine. That gozer in the middle takes up a lot of space. But that's what I like about it. 30% of pin board. No, I'm just gonna rearrange it. It's fine. That goes in the middle takes up a lot of space

But that's what I like about it. It's the centerpiece of it though. Everything hovers around it. Nice. Very nice stuff Yeah, and I do actually like this pin. It's for you, sir. It's a bit like this What's that thing? The specter? What did you call it? Spectralizers. Yes, the Spect spectralizers logo is not ghostbusters which is spectralizers what's that it's your the one you know spirit squad yeah no sorry spirit squad what's trying don't know that just meant between the ladies legs for a smear test i think and tarbys in the house it's now time for a big stroke, whatever that fucking show is called. Not big stroke.

It's not called big stroke. I wish it was time for a big stroke. The big, the pièce de resistance. This is a big old box. I'm going to let Eli open this. Oh, thank you. Because he's going to have questions. I wouldn't open it that way, because I think it's upside down if you open it that way.

OK, I think I've found out. Yeah. So he's opening the big red box. Board game shaped, of course. It is a board game. 15 minutes until New Year. 15 minutes everyone. Get your drinks ready. It is a board game. Japanese board game. Yes.

And it's the same character with the boxers helmet. See that you saw on here. That's right. Yeah yeah yeah. Wow. Are we going to be able to play this though? Well basically yes. This looks mad mate. It's mad. Do you know what this is? Takashi's castle board game. Oh, that's where I recognise it from. Because this, if I open this box, inside is a little kind of screwball,

scrambly kind of put together toy. I think you can add to this, I mean I might be wrong, I might need to see this, but effectively you get a little screwball scramble challenge. You build like a kinder egg toy. There is something here. There's stuff on the cover here that they've got little toy elements here. Do you see what? I'm going to hand it over to you. This is where I go. I'll actually put it on the floor for now. This is where I go back to the letter because I can now reveal what the letter says. Where is he off to? Where are you going? All right. I'll keep going. Right. Some months ago, an episode 400 Patreon Q&A, you briefly discussed the Tekashi's Castle

board game. I quote, Oh, look at that. That looks excellent. But it would be hard for us to play. We would have to translate it and it's 104 quid and I can't justify that moving on. Can you see where this is going? You can always trust me to do some digging. There's at least three different Takeshi's Castle board games. Two of them look quite neat, but one is just, well, magic. That's because it comes with miniature toy versions of the various challenges, hence this little box here. Again, images on our website at thecheapshow.co.uk and on our Instagram account, CheapShowPod, if you want to see the pictures of the things we've looked at and tasted today.

Oh, I did a big sniff. What are you doing in your bag? You heard me beeping. Well, don't care about it because you're doing a podcast right now and it shouldn't matter because your phone should be off. I know, but I'm trying to turn it off. It doesn't matter now. It's driving me crazy.

Yeah, but you can ignore it. If it beeps again, it's just... Lanchless, it could be really... Oh, there it is. It's fine now. Do you want to go for it then do you? Keep reading this I'm fascinated. So since I'm of the if you do it do it properly philosophy, hey fucking no shit about it, are you the living definition of that? I searched around and found some Japanese auction sites and got you what I consider the best version. It was the only one for sale. It seems to be the most desirable or rare. Christ. So I was looking to get even one copy. This version, Takashi's Castle Board Game Number 2. Oh, is this the second board game? Crazy. Also is interesting because it incorporates four model kits, each with two

games that were sold separately. There's one of them over here. People were encouraged to build and paint the sets. That's cool, because I thought one of the games was missing from the board game. I also purchased one of these model kits. The game was included after all, so it's of little use, but it does look neat. OK, so she bought this little box thinking... We don't need it to play that game, because it's complete. Yeah, she thought this little thing was missing from the board game. But it's not.

It's not. Brilliant. But hey, fucking hell, amazing. I love the whole aesthetic of it. So the game was included after all, so it's of little use, blah, blah, blah. Finally, because I'm clinically insane, I also did you an English manual translated with Google. So some of the translations make me a bit off, but there you go, it should be 95% correct. The toy models are nearly 40 years old, so you may need some perseverance to get them

going, but they do all work. Right. That's that. Enjoy the game and roll on Cheap Show 2025. Even once again, you have fucking outdid yourself. So I think she works with the devil. So how are we going to play it though? Well, not right now, obviously. No, because it's only 10 minutes till New Year's Eve. I mean, till the new year. I'm guessing either in this box or maybe it's not been sent to me. I have to have to. It's been so busy over Christmas.

There's the board. Yeah. There's the manual. I'm getting. Oh no, she's done a printout of it. Jesus Christ. Looks like a magazine. Oh my word.

You are. We don't deserve this event. Stop giving us guilt. It's like the Crystal Maze board game we played a little while ago. Brilliant. This is a comprehensive translation of the rules. Of these rules here. With the diagrams and so forth. We have to do a full length video of this.

We might even make a video of this as well as the episode. I mean we have to. We have to do both. But look, see, they come with all these little toys like Oh, I love this stuff. Like the Crystal Maze game we played, remember? Yeah. Because everyone came in and showed up. Or Mousetrap, that kind of,

they're always the ones that work best as games. Look at this. This is amazing. I mean, the colors fade on the board somewhat, but also, oh, it's, oh! Not on that side, no, that's supposed to be. There's two sides. Yeah, but that's a different color scheme.

It's a two-sided board. Oh, I guess you put the things on the board with the little challenges Oh, I love this. Oh, we are definitely playing this. This is gonna be a Final battle this is probably gonna be a patreon video final battle with the cars and the little paper discs You have to mate this looks at then this is amazing Ever fantastic thing what a fantastic thing this is Genuinely amazing. We don't deserve this. We should reach out to, erm. What? Who? Her? Craig Charles. What? Get him on the episode to play the board game. Can I bang a girlfriend? He'd probably insist on getting paid £500,000

or something. Yeah and Coca Cain.. I believe he stopped doing that now, to be fair, so I shouldn't cast him with a dispersion he held 20 odd years ago or more. Yes, exactly. Oh, I wouldn't trust him. No. Right, anyway, so, event, that is an amazing gift and it will be coming to Cheap Show in 2025 as an episode and probably a video, maybe Patreon. Hey, a Ganon's Golden Games. Oh, it's going to be the goldenest of games.

We need to have a little pre-brief session before we actually... I'll go through that and figure it out. The point is, it looks like it is one of those games where it's just like you have to play with a little toy, you know what I mean? And it's a little challenge. Toyetic stuff, which is what we love. It's one of my favourite aspects of a board game. Is that toyetic aspect. Ghost castle, mouse trap, you know.

And you like the little gizmo ones. You like that side of things rather than the... It's like that board game I showed you that I wanted when I was a kid but never had called The Grape Escape, where you have little plasticine grapes and you move around the board but at a certain point you go through a booby trap and it can crush your plasticine grape. Could you use real grapes? No, I could but it would ruin your board. You get it all wet and sticky.

There's also that board game up there, 1313 Dead End Drive, which I keep meaning to play in this fucking show. Yeah, and on board game news, I was gifted a German board game, because that's where the board game world is centred these days. A lot of them are getting popular over there and they're being translated worldwide, so yeah. We're starting with the... Oh, Bandai as well. Starting with the Travellers of Catan or whatever it's called. Yeah I don't know. Which you didn't care for but this one's called Splendor. Come on everybody let's play a game where we all get villages and trade. And that's what this one is Splendor and you have gems and it's the silk trade. I want to give you your crushed grapes. But apparently it's quite toyetic in that there's short little short little games that only take 20 minutes to play.

Do you sue to me? Yeah. Which I like. Stu Francis should have fucking sued that toy company for the Grape Escape game. He's like, I can crush a grape. No one else crush a grape but me, I crush a grape. You've infringed on my fucking copyright with that. Well he was alright from a bar-board too, Stu Francis.

Stu Francis annoys me. He annoys the shit out of me. He's like me. Too overly fucking cheeky and too overly fucking... Oh is it? Eight minutes. Eight? We're in the last ten minutes mate.

We are in the last ten minutes. Oh I'm going to have another whiskey. This has been a great episode. I got lovely badges, you've got noodles and sauces and shit. No sauces. You've got an amazing board game. Can I just correct you? There have been no sauces.

No sauces of courses. But... Six and a half minutes I was given a big gift. Six and a half minutes. If you like sauces everyone, and who doesn't to be fair. Who doesn't? No one. No one doesn't. Everyone likes a little bit of sauce. I was gifted a big gift pack of various hot sauces including naga, scorpion, reaper, all

the big boys baby. All the big boys. And we're going to big boys Scovilles. Yeah. We're going to call it Phillips Scovilles Swallow Thon. You have lost. Phillips Scofield Swallow Thon. How much can Phillips Scofield fucking neck? I bet he can neck jizz. How much can he milk from the PAs of a hundred early morning breakfast shows? Oh, dear too soon too soon Is it or is it it's sad indictments of the nature of celebrity these days? I? I'm just saying do you really want to end this episode five minutes talking about the horrors of like entertainment I don't know you're what you seem to be on one

I know what we can talk about. So this episode's going out obviously Tuesday because otherwise it'd be pointless releasing this after New Year's. So if you're a Cheap Show fan and you're going, oh Friday's my Friday day for Cheap Show, don't worry we've got you covered. We are releasing with permission from our patrons a night busing episode. This Friday is our first episode of the year and it is ripped this, what is it, this Superloop episode? We think we're going with the super loop. Which was London's longest bus route. It goes from what? Croydon? West Croydon all the way to Heathrow. So that's south to west London along the

bottom. All the way along. And it's a long journey. 23 miles. Two hour episode it is. The longest bus journey in London everybody. And it's a long journey. 23 miles. Two hour episode it is. The longest bus journey in London everybody. And it's kind of, this is going to sound like we're overnagging it but there's this kind of magic to it. There's a magic and it almost didn't happen. We yeah. So it's a little bit of adventure. Little bit of adventure. We both love night busing it's a completely separate entity. You can only get it on Patreon. All Patrons get access to it. We're doing them quarterly now and we've done about five episodes so far. So this is one that we are sharing to give you a taste of it and also invite you to become a Patron if you want.

Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show for extra podcasts, videos, early access to cheap shots, all kinds of good. It's an ancillary podcast. Ancillary, the crap book of the night busing or ancillary podcast to the Cheap Show Experience. Hello, hello. What? Who am I? Ancillary. That's right.

You get what I mean. Right, what do you do, ancillary? Oh, I shit myself all the time. No, we can't. Well, we've already got a shitting character. Oh, I'm shitting, I'm weeing, I'm feeling myself up. That's all I do. No.

Oh. Anne, Anne. All right. No. OK. We've already got that permission filled. Oh, I... No. OK. We've already got that permission filled. Oh, is that jar of...

...position. Is that preserved cabbage? How about this, can I feed you an idea? Feed me that into my chuff. This is what I'm saying, maybe you've got like a Bugs Bunny pocket up your chuff. I can hold unlimited items. I do. In and out, like a black hole.

You've got like a nexus in living in your clunge. Ever had that? Oh, I think it's New Year's Eve. It's not, we've got four minutes. Fuck me. You needed to stop saying whatever you were saying. Cheers. Cheers.

So, we may as well actually at this point say thank you to everyone who's ever decided to press play on an episode of Jeep Show on their phone or laptop. Well, what if they pressed it and then thought, oh, that's just awful and stopped it immediately. We don't want to thank them, do we? That's fine. Well, they're not listening though, so it doesn't matter. But if you've decided... No, they can fuck off. They have. want to thank them. Well they're not listening though so it doesn't matter. But if you've decided... No they can fuck off!

They have! No they can! And they did! Quite quickly. All I'm saying is that... If they're listening now, fuck off! I'm going to inflate my balls in front of your face and pop them. Fine! As long as you're doing that. I swear that's nasty business, Paul. They literally, you make a small incision.

Yeah I know! Why would you do that? How bored are you of like fucking just jacking it? Mate, there's shades of every colour in the rainbow of life and if there's a small shade of colour that likes inflating their testicles to beyond safety parameters, PSI based. I don't think they should be allowed to do it. It burdens the health service. Not only if they burst, and a lot of them probably know what they're doing.

It can't be good even if it doesn't burst. Think about it, I don't want air inside my body. You do. Look what I've got. He's got a balloon, everyone. Oh no. Imagine this is a ball. No.

You're not going to make it pop. Don't make it pop. It's going to hurt your face. It's going to pop. This is a thrilling ending, isn, it'll hurt your face. It's going to pop. This is a thrilling ending, isn't it, with only four, three minutes left? No, we've got to do the countdown. He's gonna make it pop, everyone. Oh, look at this!

There you are. It's gone all over the place. Here we go. Coffee cough, come on. How long? On the two minutes, Just on the two minutes. As we say thank you to anyone who's ever supported Cheap Show, if you listen and enjoy it, thank you. If you listen and enjoy and spread the word and review us, thank you.

If you become a Patron and support us financially, God bless you all, because without you, we wouldn't be nine years deep and 410, 20 episodes, whatever it is, into this show. Four fingers deep. Four fingers and a couple of knuckles deep into this podcasting universe that we still exist in, thanks to you. Autofist that. With all that being said, thecheapshow.co.uk is the place you can go to for everything Cheap Show. I'm not going to say anything more. And then there are Cheap Shots largely every fortnight on YouTube, video versions, short of the cheap show experience.

Oh, ding! Oh, that's my hot can of Spranwich. Spranwich! Ooh, it's burning my lips, this spankwich! Sorry, I've got nothing. You've had nothing. We've had nothing for maybe seven years. Oh, you think we had something in our first three years? No. I think we had something in our third to fifth year.

And now it's gone. No, now it's different. Now it's, now we are Cheap Show. We are Cheap Show. Anyway, I just want to say goodbye from me. Briany, Briany, Briany Cucumber. Briany Cucumber. Blblblblblblbl.

Goodbye, Briany. Bye bye, bye, see you. Bye. Bye. Bye. See you I'm gonna sneak out with those noodles and have a new dude can do the noodle canoodle. That's me Yeah, come on. It's countdown time now Wait, have you got wait no 20 seconds. It says I got Okay, now it's come to come down to 10 Okay, now it's come to come down to ten. No, wait, ready, get your drinks everyone. New Year's Eve everybody. Here we go, we've got ten seconds.

Here we go. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Happy bloody New Year, happy New Year, happy New Year everyone! Chod all our patience, be forgot, and have the grub! Oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, oh Chod me borough, I'm going to be a little bit bit of a party here cut to us in the kitchen having a fag. Go and have a fag in the kitchen. That's it for now. Merry New Year. You don't call them that anymore. What you don't call them no more? No more. Cigarettes. Ah, ciggy booze or smoky woes or something. I don't know what you call them. Smokey old stick. Listen, thank you for supporting Cube Show 2024. Thanks everyone. We're here in 2025 right now as is. So we'll see you next week. Thanks for the listeners who sent us stuff. Not just to Ben, the other two. you next week thanks for the listeners who sent us stuff yeah thank you and the other two princess toadstool everyone who

said stuff in the past whenever and baggins big bow baggins Phil bow baggins big boy baggins inflated ball bag baggins ball bag baggins blow up my Right, see you next week, bye! For the sake of old and young. Our old and young son, Our old and young son, Will take up our time, For the sake of old and young. You