CheapShow - Ep 42: Friendship Time

Episode Date: May 5, 2017

It's a good old fashioned, back to basics, episode! Just Paul and Eli chatting, shouting and occasionally finding common ground. In episode 42, find out what happens when Paul suggests a new "friendly" feature with the exchanging of gifts! Eli brings back some (not so) delightful snacks from America and he also delivers some choice and not at all annoying Tales from the Dance Floor. Finally, we dive head first into our latest vinyl discoveries. There is a whole host of odd tunes to hear, from singing Terminators, Irish folk songs and WWF wrestlers! It's a good old fashioned CheapShow slam down! Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz! WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

When you're ready, give us a lovely intro to Cheap Show. Oh, what a lovely, lovely day it is. Here we are. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the House of Pickles. My name's Eli Silverman, and here's your lovely co-host for what is going to be an absolutely splendiferous Cheap Show. I couldn't keep my shit together. It's Paul Gannon, everybody! That was way too loud. I couldn't keep my shit together It's Paul Gannon everybody That was way too loud

Hello you lovely lovely people What a lovely day it is It's very sunny It's quite humid Why are you talking like you're doing fucking Benjamin Rabbit's You told me to make it lovely Paul Yeah but maybe jolly Maybe go for

Hello boys and girls I want you know spunk Okay Give me spunk. Hello, everybody. It's a lovely day here in the House of Pickles. I'm Eli Silverman. You're going to have a brilliant, brilliant, lovely Cheap Show episode coming up right now. And here's your co-host, some say he's lovely, it's Paul Gannon!

Hello boys and girls, and ladies and gentlemen everywhere. Welcome to the loveliest podcast in the whole world. Why, it's your favourite pod, and mine, it's Cheap Show. Hello! What a lovely day day you're freaking me out that's isn't it a lovely day though today it is lovely day and what are we doing we're in the house of pickles recording an episode of cheap show house of pickles aka eli's sweaty meat locker oh god mate yeah i'll clean it give it a clean up and we're ready to go it's like a professional radio studio here your cleanup is like washing away some sick Oh, God, mate. Yeah, I'll give it a clean up and we're ready to go. It's like a professional radio studio in here. Yeah, but your clean up is like washing away some sick with another type of sick.

You know? Well, it's good. Sicko. It's a good brand sick removing sick. Yeah? Yeah. Sick be gone. Sick be gone isn't as good as sicko. Is it like pouring white wine on red wine to get rid of a stain? Yeah.

Is that the trick? White wine on red wine? It's all crap. Is it? Yeah, you put salt on red wine, don't you? Yeah? I thought that was slugs. You put salt on slugs and on red wine. Well, that's just confusing. You also put it on food.

Slugs? Yeah, not fucking slugs. Don't be facetious. Well, the humour's really got off to a galloping start. We're on fire, mate. I'm on fire, you're on fire. Let's keep the fire burning. This house is on fire. This house of pickles is on fire.

Sitting in this room is like, I don't know, like a sci-fi novel. And I've been swallowed by a beast and I'm in its belly. And I think that's bad. But then I know there are creatures living in this beast's belly that will also hunt me for sport and feast upon me because they've been down there for years like me and you can only

just hear them in the distance rumbling around and every now and then I can hear its digestion and that kind of sound and that's what it's like being in the house

of Pickles bedroom it is like very much like being in the Sarlacc pit thank you so what have we got coming up on the show oh there's Boba Fett

alright Boba Boba didn't ok the Sarlacc pit is the digestive on the show Boba Fett Boba didn't, okay the Sarlacc pit is the digestive sand dune Boba Fett is the shittest Star Wars character in the world and yet he is so loved bit of pop culture on Sheep Show what did he do?

he turned up, looked cool and then missed didn't he? he failed to shoot someone got shot or something fell off the back of a airboat into the belly of a monster I don't think I think what it is is

he the fans just loved him didn't they they elevated him yeah and then he led to Jango Fett no

the attack of the clones yeah because that's all about his back story that's what I mean Jango Fett is Boba Fett's father who looks exactly the same and Boba gets to see Obi-Wan and then make an army of Boba Fett and it's what I mean Jango Fett is Boba Fett's father who looks exactly the same and Bob gets to see Obi-Wan

and they make an army of Boba Fett and it's like I cannot actually bring my eyes to watch this film it's so boring it's painful

it's the most boring thing it's like literally you could be on methamphetamine and fall asleep watching that film let's try that out

on our next cheap show oh yeah let's just do some meth attack of the meth let's just fuck the Oh yeah, let's just do some meth. Attack of the Meth. Let's just fuck the Siddhar Wars. Let's just fucking... Siddhar Wars?

That's more political, isn't it? I'll take you soon. Unless you meant Robert Zadar, the actor. I don't know what I meant. You're getting all

blah, blah, blah, blah. So look, what have we got coming up on the show, Paul? Well, we've got lots of lovely things coming up on the show. This is a bit ad hoc,

this one, because we've got another episode coming up. This one's a bit ad hoc. I know, a bit've got another episode coming up. Well, this one's a bit ad hoc. I know, a bit more than usual. Shut your fucking face, motherfucker. Right. Well, a misinformed approach at improv comedy from two guys who, let's be honest,

were not that good at it. Speak for yourself. I was theoretically speaking more about you. Oh, you're saying I'm shit at it. Yes. You are not great at improv. Fucking hell, man. You're not. I mean, I'm not saying I'm brilliant. I'm saying I'm better than you. You're saying I'm shit at it Yes You are not great at improv Fucking hell man You're not

I mean I'm not saying I'm brilliant I'm saying I'm better than you You're not And that's barely Oh come on Right We're going to have an improv off

Go on Hit me with it Give me a scenario Submarine Doof Doof No I'm doing the sound effects Already you're blocking me

Like a prick I didn't know you were going to be in this I said to the gesture I just started doing the sound effects Of course I'm going to be in this. I said to the gesture. I just started doing the sound effects. Of course I'm going to be in it. I thought you were setting the scene.

Yes, so why can't... Sorry, okay. Doof! Doof! Captain! Yes? We've got a problem. What is the problem?

There seems to be some kind of giant squid. Let's stop it. You gave up. I was going along with that. Go on, giant squid. Giant squid attacking the hull. Right.

What weapons do we have left after our battle with the Russians? Well, let's see. We have rifles. Not much use underwater. Right, what weapons do we have left after our battle with the Russians? Well, let's see. We have rifles, not much use underwater. No, they're not going to do well. Flamethrower doesn't really

work down here either. We've got loads of those. We've got shit loads of flamethrowers. We've overstocked on those to be honest. Should have gotten the... The torpedoes.

Yeah. Yeah. They were two for one as well. They're just sexier looking the flamethrowers. Yeah, I love aliens. Yeah, I thought I was going to be like, aliens down here. It wasn't.

Irony. It's more like a giant fucking squid attacking the hole. Well, what can we do then? Doof! Doof! I'm doing the radar. I know. It's getting closer.

Doof! I've shat myself! Fucking hell! Oh no! I've shat all over the place! Oh no, Mr. Silverman, no. Ooh, it's a big one. one Right let's crack on with the show So this is the new part of the show

I like to call Biggum Peace Pipe Pow Wow Friendship Time You could sort of rethink that Why? Because it's slightly Totally racist It's not that racist because it's slightly uh what i don't know how to put this it's totally racist it's not that racist it is you're kind of mocking the way that the native american people didn't

used to speak oh i just thought what we do is we have an exchange of of gifts today so i give you something i found or bought how about this me give you all this oh we call it that what that sounds like a Chinese man now. I know. That was taking the piss out of your backward. I just think you didn't need to pull your eyes back

when you did that impression. I didn't do that. Yes, he did, ladies and gentlemen. He pulled his eyes back. Don't. Just don't go there. I think you should stop. All right.

I probably should, actually. So let's think of another name for this bit. I had something pretty racist lined up for that next sentence. Mikasa Tsukasa. How about that? Mikasa Tsukasa.

Mikasa Utsukasa. Yeah, whatever. The Italians casa su casa. Mi casa u su casa. Yeah, whatever. The Italians can take it. Oh no. We need the theme tune for it. No, let's not have that. Okay, fine. That's okay. Yeah? Yeah. So do it just one more time, cleanly.

Just cleanly. What's it called again? Mi casa su casa. Mi casa su casa. Mi casa, su casa. Good. And in this new section, we have a little gift for each other. Yes, we do. Something that we found in a charity shop or, I don't know, on a bin. Or for free.

Or for free. And we thought, Eli liked that. Or Paul liked that. Yes. So, do you want to go first or shall I? Or what do you want to do? Me give you my... Yeah. Mi casa. Mi casa. that. Yes. So, do you want to go first, or shall I? What do you want to do? Me give you my... Yeah.

Me-casa. Me-casa. Right. Right. Me-casa, this week, Paul, is Garbage Pail Kids. Oh! Oh!

Oh! It's a good one, that. I got it in America from... From where? Emma, my sister-in-law, who's an avid listener of the show. I don't know. She just picks up random crap, you know.

I fucking love Garbage Pail Kids. I was such a huge fan of it in the 80s. I've still got a big stack at home and a tin of Garbage Pail Kids. It was a huge thing, wasn't it, when it first came out? Yeah, because it's like tops were always known, as far as I remember, for like doing trading cards that had a slightly bad taste. Like Mars Attacks and Dinosaur Attacks were both very graphically gory cards. Yeah, but they came after those.

No, well before. Well before. But they had Mars Attacks before the film. Oh, yeah, like 50s, 60s, Topps were making those back in there. Ah, so the aesthetic of Tim Burton's Mars Attacks was sort of based on that to a certain extent. Oh, yeah, that film, Mars Attacks, is based on a Topps trading card line. I did not know that. Did you not?

No, anyway, well, there you go. You've learned something. So what happened is, yeah, Topps did a bunch of very graphically gory, so every picture card was like dinosaur attacks scout group, and there's all these Girl Scouts being eaten. I think I've seen those, yeah.

And then Mars Attacks was very similar. It was like aliens, like the ones from the movie. Blowing people's heads off. Burning hippies, all this kind of stuff. And so Garbage Pile Kids was basically naturally what T.O.P.S. were reacting against when the Cabbage Patch Kids came out. Which was all cutesy-bootsy. Because 80s loved gross stuff. Like there was Garbage Pail Kids, there was Boglins, there was...

Slimy stuff. Mad Balls. There was like Pots of Slime. Do you remember the Pots of Slime? I had Pots of Slime. Or Ghostbusters was a great toy line that was all full of monsters and ghoulies and all that kind of stuff yes so you know kids in the 80s liked horrible things now is this an actual new line because um it says here 2014 series one so is it are these new i don't know i think that either one of two things we'll find out there's

a brand new uh line of because they stopped in the late in the 90s, I think. And then there was a resurgence of popularity in the 2000s. So they decided to bring him out again. And I believe the artist... oh, I'm going to get this wrong now. The artist who created, you know, Adam Bomb, the guy who's on the front cover there, he was the guy who drew Mouse. You know, the graphic novel Mouse. Art Spiegelman.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's him. Yeah, I think you're right. Actually, I think I may have heard that before. He was involved in the early stage of that design, some of the early cartoons. So everything was basically modelled on his design. In case I was under any misapprehension, or you were, that these might be worth something in the future, it says here on the side, Topps does not, in any manner, make any representations as to whether its products will attain any future value. That's a very strange thing to put on the back of cards.

They must have had some lawsuits up the arse with people going, I thought it would accrue, you know, it was a collector's... You know, someone probably bought the whole set off someone for like several thousand dollars or whatever. You know, something like that. But they would never have...

Made representations. Well, I guess some companies put stuff out and they say collector's item, Beanie Babies. I was going to mention that. Everyone thought it was going to be the hugest thing and then literally the bottom completely fell out. I guess they kind of represented them as that, didn't they? They kind of manufactured and marketed them as future collectibles.

But when you do that, then people see no value in it because they know cynically it's been made for... So perhaps they're trying to make these more collectible by saying, look, it ain't going to be collectible. Well, you know what it might be? If these are what I think they could be, and I don't know if they are, but these are re-issues of the original line.

They're re-issues, yeah. They're re-issues. It's basically like buying a second pressing of Sgt Pepper. It's like, yeah, it came out in 1970, but not worth much, mate. Exactly. They're bringing that out again, Sgt Pepper. Six albums with all kinds of crazy shit on.

Mate, it's a license to print money, all of that stuff. Ka-ching. You know, the Led Zeppelin guy, Jimmy Page, did all the albums again. Really? On vinyl. New. They're like 95 quid. People do it, though.

Yeah, of course they fucking do it. Right, anyway, let's get on to the garbage I don't have a second hand copy That plays good It's alright I'm not asking for one Sounds fucking fine Yeah I'm not fucking

Fuck this Right I'm opening it Right carefully does it Should I do it across the top Yeah Again if you're listening to the podcast You can go to our website Thecheapshow.co.uk

And there is a page Online For this episode You can see all the pictures And maybe video clips That are associated With this particular show. It's your gift, Paul.

Oh, let me have a little look. So here we go. I've got... He's carefully, graciously snipped the top off. Snipped the top off there. So I'm going to force these cards out. And so far... Circumcised the pack.

Indeed. I'm unsheathing the cards from its wall. Unsheathe those cards. Slowly. He's easing it off. Shut up. Between my fingertips. Oh, it's a bit stuck.

Oh, it's come. I've come. It's come off. It's come off. Right, so here we go. On the back. Oh. Four cards are in my hand.

I'm looking at the backs of them right now. One is Winter Olympics. So it's just like a little certificate with Adam Bomb doing the bombslay. Okay. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob slay, bomb slay. Bomb slay. Is that your own joke? Yeah.

And then all the back of them are just part of a bigger picture that you put together. So let's have a look at the prop, what we really want to see. Who's the first character? Three Wise Monty. It looks like a baby with three heads if two of the heads were tits let's see yeah

now is that one of the original ones do we think I honestly don't know I don't recognise that one it looks like part of the original line but one thing's put me off these

what I've noticed them already they're stickers you can peel these off yeah but they've cut the sticker around so you can't just peel them off the

bachelor board themselves it's only the shape of the inlaid yeah oh it It's only the shape of the picture. Yeah. Oh, it's actually only the shape of the actual character. Yeah. Oh, that's no good, is it? That's no good.

You want to peel the whole thing off, put it on an exercise book. Do you know what I mean? Make a tableau. With the thing. You want the writing. Yeah, of course you fucking do. You want the branding with it. Oh, that's terrible.

Anyway, how weird is it to have a baby covering its ears? Oh, because look, one's covering... See no evil. Yeah. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. Smell no evil. But, like, it's covering... See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. But like, it's... Hear no evil, left tick can't see no evil,

right tick can't smell no evil. Yeah, I mean, it's not the best card I've seen. It's not the best card. Let's move on to card number two, which is... Ooh! Okay, I completely misread this gag at first. I thought it was a gag about Columbine.

I was going to get really offensive, but it's not. It's a character called Tomb Raideen. And it's a lady. It's a lady. A little baby girl. Dressed up like the character Laura Croft. Yes, she's got Nerf guns. Laura Croft.

Again, it's not as good a song as the comics I've seen, is it? Where's the core? I thought the name was something like Columbine when I looked at it. I thought, have they really done a comic strip of someone going on a shooting spree in a school? I think these are new, and they're kind of tame. Very tame. I hope it improves. So far, quite tame.

I hope it improves. All right, card number three. Well, this is a little bit, you know, it's all right, but it doesn't gross me out. It's called Mahmud Flap. Mahmud Flap. Oh, this is a bit more, you know, it's all right, but it doesn't gross me out. He's called Mahmud Flap. Mahmud Flap. Oh, this is a bit more like it. Yeah, go on. Mahmud Flap.

He's a mudflap. Yeah. It's a mudflap one, and he's covered in dirt, but it looks very pooey. Pooey. And he's hanging off the back of a truck where a mudflap on a... Yeah, would be. A truck. He's a human mudflap.

Mahmudflap. Mahmudflap. So that's nice. It's a human mudflap. Mammud flap. Mammud flap. So, that's nice. It's the best so far. Do you know they have alternate names? I thought they were really pussy and like all sort of, you know,

puke, vomit and bodily excess. So, do you know they sometimes have second names, these characters? Like it's like Adam Barmore. They always had one illustration but then they'd have two separate names

so they could do two cards. So, what do you think tomb raideen's second name is i would say lara stuffed why is she stuffed

oh because i thought she was a stuffed toy but she's not okay yeah tara soft because she's only firing little stickers

womb raider right that's deeply inappropriate for a child what's the last one no hang on three wise monty what would the

second name for three wise monty be baby with three heads. God, you've fucking mentally given up right away, haven't you? Alright, okay. Mumad Flap. What's good for that? Dirty Flatty. Wow.

Wow, yeah. Our improv skills are not great. Anyway, last card. Ooh. Ooh. You see, so on the back it had the Olympics. Yeah. It's a special card to do with the Adam Bombslay. so on the back It had the Olympics Yeah It's a special card To do with the Adam Bomb

Bomb sleigh And on the front It is a He's on the back Of a bobsleigh Using his Explosive head As propulsion

That's pretty cool It's alright I like the They've done a twist On the original characters I think it is a new season Isn't it It's a series from 2014

These are new ones Yeah Yeah Maybe to do the Olympics The Winter Olympics They came out around The same time There's a series from 2014. These are new ones. Maybe to do the Olympics. The Winter Olympics. They came out around the same time. There's a date on the card it says. 2014. That was the Winter Olympics, wasn't it?

I don't know. There you go. That's awesome. Thank you very much for that. I love Garbage Pell Kids. I want to get the book. There's a little book that came out of Garbage Pell Kids. It's covered with the wrapper on the front. It's made of the same original wrappers for Garbage Pell Kids. It just details all the cards. came out of garbage pile kids and it's covered you know the wrapper on the front it's made of the same original wrappers for uh garbage pile kids and what it just

details all the cards yeah every page is a different card from the original like two or three seasons so you can add that to your collection that's great mate i've got something

for you what's sukasa sukasa here's what i'm sukasa-ing you today okay i found this on a table abandoned in a mcdonald's oh you shouldn't have, really. And I didn't. Smurfs, the lost village.

Only in cinemas. It's a Happy Meal, surprisingly enough. Happy Meal toy. And I'm taking the wrapper off here. And it is a little Smurf house made in plastic. Yeah. You've got the whole mushrooms. They live in mushrooms, don't they?

Yeah, they do. And on mushrooms. Because the thing is, is that... I saw part of this on the street the other day and I thought I wouldn't pick it up. This ladybird. Yeah, the ladybird. So it's some kind of elaborate toy. There's another pack inside the house, ladies and gentlemen.

It's a see-through wall house with like a paper inlay of a thing. Yeah. Of what? Of the house. Yeah. But that doesn't work. What's the raison d'etre to that, though? Why?

Can you use it as a teacup? There's also a side on the other side, which is the inside, illustrated on the inside of this. So you can colour that in? You can colour that in you can color that in yeah a bit of smurf decoration but the plastic that they've used for the actual bottom is so uh milky uh yeah opaque uh slightly opaque and it's not it's not the best it doesn't work it doesn't work it mystifies yeah it just makes it look like a it looks like a beaker or a uh a cup that you drink out of or something doesn doesn't it? Anyway, moving on.

There's another packet inside. But does it do anything? Does it have a gimmick? No. That's what I mean. It's fucking weird. You just keep your... There's a ladybird on a mushroom on a bit of ground there.

Yeah. See, that just doesn't work as a toy for me. No, because it's just a painted on... And also, the whole way, everything's... Pointing. The same way. No, because it's just a painted on... And also the whole way everything's... Pointing. The same way. Yeah. Makes it just hard to read.

I've never liked directions. Shut up. It's hard to read. You know, it's hard to read that as a ladybug. You think, what is that? Is the mushroom part of the face? Maybe it is. It's not.

No, it's not. All right, okay. Now, this is better. Forgive me for having a fantasy. This is better, this other one. It's a little smurf. It's a smurf and he is better, this other one. It's a little Smurf. It's a Smurf and he's holding up a book. So it's Brainy Smurf.

And pointing at it. He's Brainy Smurf. He's got the specs on. Yeah. And he's teaching someone. Maybe he's teaching the ladybird which direction it needs to fucking go. Yeah, maybe it is. I don't know.

So go on. Do a little scene now between Brainy Smurf and the ladybug. Eli Silverman presents The Smurfs. Hello. I'm Brainy Smurf. Look at this book, Lady Bird. You're quite horrific in terms of scale. Your comparison to me, you could eat my fucking head.

Oh, I'm pointing the wrong direction. It makes me look bigger because my eyes look like i'm some kind of living mushroom maybe not a ladybird you only notice when you look at the sides that i have legs and i'm a ladybird i'm a badly molded toy mr clever smurf right that's it i'm going back the end do you like that yeah I did actually I was emotionally invested

listen this week I know this is going to be a nice section where we're not competing but this week me casser

fucking trumps your casser I would agree with that I thought that had a gimmick to it though I thought like for instance it was like a lunchbox

or a you can keep something in it like maybe you can keep like a lunchbox or you can keep something in it. Maybe you can keep a ladybird. It's got a little window in it. But maybe you can keep insects in it. It doesn't say anything. No, there's no literature to help me use this toy. No.

That's very bad, really. Very poor. I'll tell you what the best line was for the McDonald's toys. Go on. It was those Scooby-Doo ones, wasn't it? Just because you like the monkey wanky paw. I like the monkey wanky paw and also the one you kept, which was the projector. Oh, I like that.

That was good, wasn't it? A mystery machine, but it had a little headlight on the front, which shone a ghost on a wall. How much better is that than this piece of crap with Smurfs, you know? Well, I'll throw it out then, shall I? No, I'll keep it. You sure? Look, it's Tsukasa. I know, but I don't expect you to keep it if you don't want it. Look, I have to. It's a gift, Paul. I'll throw it out. I think it's like a lunchbox

or something. I think you can maybe put a ball of crack in the bottom, and then you go... It's like a bong. You could turn it into a Smurf bong. You could, if you wanted to smoke plastic along with your crack cocaine, which a lot of people do. So, you know, you could turn it into a bong house. Yeah.

Don't have to. I'd prefer just to have a bong. Well, end the section there then. Okay. Now it's time for that part of the show we simply like to call Cheap Eats. What's the theme tune? Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap and this week on cheap eats ladies and gentlemen Eats. Cheap fucking eats.

I hate that jingle. It's a USA episode today. Why? I've recently returned from a visit to my family in Florida. Why? Because that's how you give meaning to your life, Paul. You visit family. Why?

What's meaning? What's meaning? Yeah, what's the you give meaning to your life, Paul. You visit family. Why? What's meaning? What's meaning? Yeah, what's the point of meaning? Deep. But I preferred it when you were just making the noise of the cheap eats. Yeah, thank you. So, I've recently returned from the States. Why?

That's really annoying. Sorry, go on. You're tearing from the American lands because you've got family out there. Yes. And you bought some cheap... Pretty easy to understand, I would have thought. I'm beginning to get it. And...

Life is the name of the game. Again, my lovely sister-in-law, Emma. Hello, Emma. Who is a fan of the show. Wow. She is always on the lookout for disgusting, stroke cheap food items for us to try. Excellent.

And she's done very well here. Okay. A couple of quite unusual items. The first. Yes. Beemar Snacks Yes. Beemar snacks brand. Beemar. Fried pork skins.

Is that like pork scratchings? Exactly like that, Paul, yes. Oh, they just don't call it pork scratchings. They don't call them scratchings. Because Americans don't get scratchings. I mean, I don't get scratchings. I don't want to be reminded about, you know, skin. An animal flaking.

Yeah. And like scratch. It's like, oh, they scratch so hard a scratching came off. Yeah. Like when a cat scratches. It gives me images of some like scratching machine. Like, oh, sorry. Scratching a pig.

Oh. Like, oh, the scratcher. Oh, like an old cougar. I just don't be reminded that it's skin. Yeah. Yeah. And scratching reminds me that it's skin so you'd call it

fried pork skins I suppose the word skin is in that so that's nasty pork crackles, that's the other thing they call them I like crackles because it does crackle when you bake them or whatever you do with them, roast them what do you do with them? how do you make pork scratchings?

I think they bake them I actually saw a programme about how they make them it's uh they get these pellets yeah it's very disgusting anyway no i want to know let's not go into it let's not go i'd like to know before i put one in my mouth how basically they it works they get a load of pellets yeah of pig skin where from from anir. Okay, so what do you mean by pellets, though? They're pre-made as these sort of pellets. So they take the skin off the pig and then they... Yeah, but that's not done at the factory that makes the scratches.

No, no, the abattoir will scrape all the skin off the animal. And no, they're processed. So they're added and then they come to, in a truck, they come to the scratching factory and then they get washed and then they get sort of I think they're fried in this big tumbly thing

and then they come out as the crispy pork scratchings so it's like a deep fry then you see when you asked me to go into detail I didn't have any I just wanted to mention that I'd seen a program

and then people think I'm clever yep okay so that all could be bullshit then. Be-Mar snacks, fried pork skins. Now, here's the twist, Paul. This is something

you won't have come across before. You'd be surprised what I've come across in my life. Oh, please. Kill me. That'll make me do it. Chili and lime strips. Ooh.

Very tart. It's a different flavour profile than what we're used to. you see these because i expect them to be salty and crunchy and you know meat-esque these have chili and lime oh well now something i've noticed that part of the united states i was in south florida yeah south florida near. Yes. It has a lot of Latino people. Yeah. And I think chili and lime is a big sort of flavor brand. You know what I'm... Or sort of something... It's accepted

in the... Like salt and vinegar is here. Yeah. Chili and onion. Yes. Chili and lime is big with those people. Okay, so it's like their traditional flavor on most snacks. Yes. Great. So, I think these are... I went to this supermarket which has a lot of that kind of more ethnic food in it called Western Beef. Oh.

Yeah, it's great. And let's just tuck in, shall we? Yeah, let's just tuck in. Oh, mate, you want to see him using his teeth to get into the pack. Here we go. I'm in. It's like watching a cat eat a bird. I'll offer you these.

Oh, what size? Oh, I've got a smell. Oh, that's a curly one. Oh, there's that. Oh, very. Oh, God, they don't smell good. No. I mean, they look like...

They're strips, so they're very thin. Thin strips. They're not the wayward style. Because the pork tractions in the UK tend to look like quavers, don't they? they're strips so they're very thin thin strips thin pork scratchings because the pork scratchings in the UK tend to look like quavers don't they you know quavers yes they look like that

well they look like quavers with some hair sticking out and a big glob of fat on the underside they're pork quavers they're not pork quavers that's what I'm calling them though pork quavers do you like hair on a scratching? Of course I don't.

No? Why do they think they leave them on then? They don't try to. It's not like marmalade with bits and no bits. It's like scratchings of hair and no hair. It makes it authentic. I'm just trying to avoid as much as possible having to eat this. Eat it.

You have to eat it. There's no fish. No, there's no fish in it. Yeah, Mr. Fucking Kill by Night. And it's not baby food. No. So it's not going to make you wretch with its sliminess. It's a's no fish in it. Yeah, Mr. Fucking Kill by Night. And it's not baby food. No. So it's not going to make you retch with its sliminess. It's a pork.

Just do it. Well, it smells of literally a scratching and, well, chilli. It's got that slime tongue. All right, here we go. Down it goes. It's all right, that. It's not heavy with the flavours of either no it's just like a light

the flavour is quite light isn't it it lightens the pig dust that bursts in your mouth once you crunch down on it I like that how many pigs are in that bag do you think how many pigs goes into making that one bag it's probably the skins of I didn't want to get into this but like that. How many pigs are in that bag do you think? How many pigs goes into making that one bag? There's probably the skins of, I don't even want to get into this, but

there's probably the skins of several pigs in there, because they mix them all up don't they? They didn't all come from one pig, they don't do it one pig at a time. They should. I want to say on the front of the packet, I'll say this bag was brought to you by Porky Pig

and, like, each bag is named after the pig that's in it. So, like, this pig is called Colin. You wouldn't want that, though, would you? Yeah, well, I want a bit of character. I think they'd cost a lot more than the $1.99 that this actually came to. Okay. That's not too bad. I actually...

Yeah. I'm digging this a lot. And perhaps I should have had breakfast before we did the recording. What do you have for breakfast, Eli? Chili and lime pig skin. Flakes. So, yeah. As it goes, for what it is, and this is not a high-quality product.

It's not a snack. You wouldn't buy yourself a packet of pork scratches. And I want to correct you on something as well. A long time ago, I said dodgy abattoir meat and you went well you know most uh meat comes from abattoirs and i said no it was a dodgy abattoir meat not dodgy abattoir meat see what i'm saying and you brought me up on it but actually i feel compelled to step in now and correct you because i was talking about the abattoir itself was dodgy and the meat therefore was rotten whereas you were talking more about dodgy abattoir meat thinking i was saying all meat that comes from an abattoir was dodgy now are you willing on a now admit yes that you maybe jumped the gun a bit whatever

whatever you like paul okay i'm sorry i i it's been bugging me for episodes. Sometimes I listen back to us because I'm vain. I listen to odd episodes. And every time that comes up, I go, I should have really corrected him. Okay. So I'm correcting you now. I stand corrected for that thing I have no recollection or actual knowledge of. But, uh... Paul, when you listen back to this, um, well done, mate.

You did alright. Well done. So, what are you going to rate? We're looking for a score. That's what I was going to say. I'm having another one. I'll have another one. Here's another one. Oh, that's a nice one. It actually really, I have to say, works.

The slight citrus. Yeah. It just works. I thought it would be overpowering or sickly. You know, like, lime can be sickly. Yeah, it's not like that at all. Lime Doritos are horrible. Yeah, because there's too much lime. This is like, just a hint.

Really? Yeah. And the chilli, much lime. This is like, just a hint. Really? Yeah. And the chilli, I'm not getting any chilli, really. You get the kind of sparkles of it on your tongue every now and then. All right. So there is chilli there, you think. Just little flecks, sparkles. So what do you think?

I don't love them, so I'm going to say seven out of ten. Okay, I'm going to go for eight and a half. Wow. Okay, good score. I would eat those. I would grab those and eat them. Yeah, well, good score. I would eat those. I would grab those and eat them. Yeah, well, you will.

I'm sure you will. That's a beer snack par excellence. On a day like this, a nice cold ale with a bowl of those next to you. Perfect. Looking out upon a river

as swans go by and voters and they say, Hello, Eli. And you say, Hello. Good day. Good day to you.

I'm eating fried pigs rind you're a monster right right before we get on let me just chew this mmhmm mmhmm

fucking hell and what else have you got for us now so next item Paul yeah this again is

I believe a South American. In fact, it says Latin... Oh, God almighty. No more pig skins for you. Excuse me. In fact, it says Latin taste on it. This is the brand...

Latin taste? ...Basitos, sous sabor, which I think is about savoury. It's savoury, maybe. Yeah. Latin taste. Cassava snacks. Delicious and crunchy. Mmm.

Cheese snacks. These are cassava cheese balls. What are cachava? What is it? It's not cachava. That's not what I said. Cassava. Okay, well, what's cassava?

I think it's a type of plant that they make into flour. Okay. I think they eat it in Africa as well as South America, and they make it into bread. Oh. It's a plant, like a root, I think. And they've made these snacks out of it. These look like cheesy, almost like Watsit-coloured cheese balls. Yes, they have a Watsit...

No, no, they have more of a quaver thing. Oh, my God, you're obsessed. I want them. You want quavors, don't you? Yeah. Quavers are solid. Oh my God, you're obsessed. I want them. I want quaver. Quavers did a non-cheese flavours. I think they have dabbled in the past. In a prawn cocktail, maybe. Well, I'm thinking it was like beef or something.

Or salt and vinegar. It's an abomination. The thing is, we used to have the internet, but we've tried to make this show kind of less internet-based. I think I'd rather go with our gut feelings on stuff. Yeah, I seem to remember them having a cherry cola flavour quaver.

But don't make shit up. Excuse me. Kettle pot black calling. Racist. Alright, these are Bacitos. Cassava snacks. It doesn't actually say ball, but they are ball-shaped. And shall we go? Let's just go through it. It doesn't actually say ball, but they are ball-shaped. Yeah.

And shall we go? Let's just go through it. I don't know what to expect. I'm opening them now, and I'm going to give you this nose report. Okay, I'm doing the nose report. It's not good, Paul. Oh, dear. I'm getting a very strong soured milk, kind of.

What? Soured milk? Or sort of old cheese left in the sun. They look like gnocchi. They look a bit like gnocchi, yes. Are you getting that sour cheesy smell? It's like... It's like you've

opened the fridge and you don't know where that bad smell's coming from. It's like that. Is it bad smell lurking? Or is it the veg? Or is it the cheese? Or is it the cheese? I'm going in. Going in. I thought it burst in your mouth, that one. My God. You have no opinion.

Oh, God. His face is just angular. I'd say not very nice. They're weird hollow balls, and they've got a kind of off-milk, slow... Like cheese... You know what it tastes like? Like cheddar that has gone hard oh

you know yeah alright let's have a try right I'll have a wee one they smell artificial they smell of like the packing stuff

you get in crates right here we go oh my god chew it down oh god what the fuck is this it's a cassava snack mate they are neither delicious oh god or crunchy particularly oh god they really have a sort of off flavor and it's i think they might be slightly stale There's a stale element to it. But what else is there to it?

It's crunchy, but then it instantly goes sticky. Yeah. You know what I mean? It becomes sticky, crunchy in your mouth. And then the flavour is like mild off cheese. That's exactly what it is. It's like a slightly mild off... Can you pass me a pigskin, please?

I need to wash the taste of... Wash it down with a chili and lime strip. Isn't that funny? I have to wash down the taste of a cheese ball with part of the skin of a pig. So... I like these. They're great. I mean, they're horrible, but they're great if you know what I mean.

They're great. The concept of them are horrible. But I've fallen back in love with black pudding, I've fallen back in love with black pudding. You've fallen back in love with black pudding? I used to love it when I was a kid, and then when I went vegetarian, I hated it and never looked back. And then about a year or so ago,

I was like, I'll fancy some black pudding with my big breakfast. Yeah. And it was like, yeah, but you know what it's made out of, Paul? It's full of blood and bits and offal and stuff. And I was like, yeah, I really fucking want it, though.

And so I had it, and it was great, with an egg butty, with a slightly soft yolk to it, so it kind of burst onto the black pudding. And your black pudding's slightly crisp. Yeah, slightly crisp. I really should have had breakfast today, man. I'm starving. And instead, you're eating chilli and lime pigskin.

And cassava balls, off cassava balls. So, which are horrible. What's your score for the cassava balls? Two. I'd go for three. Not very nice. Why would you give it a point more than me? Which are horrible What's your score for the cassava balls? Two I'd go for three Not very nice Why would you give it a point more than me? I don't think I found them as utterly disgusting as you did

Maybe I just looked at them and thought What's the fucking point of you? I don't know what the point is They don't seem like a satisfying snack There's too much work involved in trying to enjoy it and eat it Yeah, they're not great But you know what they're doing. They're not doing anything like a satisfying snack. No. There's too much work involved in trying to enjoy it and eat it. Yeah, they're not great. But you know what?

I'm sure if you went over to where you were and you took a Monster Munch pickled onion with them, they'd eat that. No, they wouldn't. You think? They'd love it. Anyone would love a pickled onion Monster Munch, mate. Really?

It's the height of... What about a prawn cocktail, Chris? Would that fly in, you know, Miami? Don't know. You didn't think this through, did you? I wasn't there looking at people and judging whether they'd like British crisps. Well, maybe you should. Maybe that's your fucking problem. I was too high on that cannabis edible that I did.

Jesus Christ. Oh, talking of which, tales from the dance floor. Get out of the way, mate. Shut up. Well, can't we... Look, we're going to end this section cleanly and then I'll do my bit, yeah, which is an extended one this week. It's just that I'm eating this and I want to eat it noisily

as you tell the same story over and over again. No, I don't want you to do that. So eat the freaking scratching right now. All right, then you're going to do a tell us what to dance for?

Yes. All right. Okay. Here we go. Right. The con... here we go right the right the contract what's the word I'm looking for contractually obliged

there you go right the contract I can't fucking say it it's time for shut it it's time for against my best intentions and strongest you can't you literally are not Four. Shut it. It's time for Against My Best Intentions and Strongest Issues. You literally are not being able to say a single sentence. I'm not at all. Let me just get this straight. It's time for another shit Tales from the Dancefloor with Eli Silverman.

Thanks, Paul. Yes, it's another in the infrequent series I like to call Tales from the Dance Floor. Couple of tales this week, Paul. Oh, yeah. Firstly, I was DJing, right? Just look, don't start undermining me before you've even heard it. This girl comes up. I tell you, I've been doing lurch impressions recently.

Boo. You ring. This girl comes up. Stop. Stop. And she asks for a ring. So start again. This girl came up to you. I'm DJing.

Of course. Every story begins with you DJing. So you're DJing. That's why it's called Tales from the Dance Floor, Paul. Yeah. Cool. So you're DJing and a girl. Where are you DJing at? It was the Shoreditch Blues Kitchen.

Excellent. Nice big floor. Very loud. People dancing. People enjoying themselves. What time did she come to you? People shaking their ass. Estimate?

Estimate. It was at about quarter to three. Quarter to three. And we stop at three. Okay. The music is over at three. Right. And so is the drinking of the boozers.

Everyone out. Everyone out at three. So. Here we are. There's still people dancing. That's what my job is. Make them dance. I select the records.

They dance. You are the bow selector. And she comes up and she goes, Mustang Sally. Right. Fine. You've had worse suggestions. Yeah, I don't own a copy of it. Mustang Sally.

Slow your Mustang down. You twat. That's how I remember it. Mustang Sally now baby. Sally now baby. Oh yeah. You've got to go slow, you Mustang down. Show us your Mustang.

I've been rolling all over town. Get your hairy Mustang oiled up. You better put your feet on the ground. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. So, I said to her, I do not have a copy. Oh, how'd she react? Not well. She went off.

Another girl came up. Mustang Sally. I said, look, I'm sorry, I don't have a copy. Yeah. And she said... You're setting this structurally up like a joke. It's not a joke, though. Really not, ladies and gentlemen.

It's really not. She said, I get the manager. Right. So, this is a new, for me... This is a new wrinkle. This is a new wrinkle for me going over your head yeah she's like i'll get the manager wow i was just literally the contempt that i felt for that person at that moment do you know what i mean yeah

trying to do your job what did you say do you say i don't give a fuck yeah basically i shrugged at her you did you did the whole as if the manager's gonna to be like what Eli didn't play Mustang Sally when you demanded it that's it Eli after the gig's done tonight can you come into my office please alright so you come in Eli take a seat please mate we've had complaints

throughout the night I didn't want to bring this up but we'd better nip it in the bud you have not been playing Mustang Sally is there any particular reason why you've been not doing that? Yeah I don't want to bring this up, but we'd better nip it in the bud. You have not been playing Mustang Sally. Is there any particular reason why you've been not doing that? Yeah, I don't own a copy. So why have not? I played other tunes by Wilson Pickett.

Okay, but you didn't play Mustang Sally after being repeatedly asked by two people. I'm going to take a shit. No, stop. Don't get mad. This is not, don't get mad. That's all I've got. That's all I've got, man. Mate. When improvising, don't get mad. That's all I've got. That's all I've got, man. Mate, when improvising, I just...

Mate, you're on a better, you know, defence when you're saying, I just don't have it. The minute you said to me as your boss, I'm going to take a shit, you no longer work. You don't sound like my boss. No, because I'm not like a fucking disenfranchised hipster. Oh. I don't know what he's like at all. I'm just guessing. Invective, anyway.

So, she goes on to go to the manager. So, that's riling me. And then the other one, they're in a group, obviously, and they've all decided Mustang Sally. She's like, she thinks I can't hear her. Right. And I don't know what she means. So, she writes it helpfully on her phone screen. Yeah.

You know what she writes? Mustang Sally? The commitments, Mustang Sally. Oh, a particular one. Deal breaker. It's over now. Oh, because are you anti-commitments then? I'm anti people who don't know what the actual artist is of the song that they want you to fucking play,

that they're going to complain about, that you won't play. They don't even know who it's by. You don't have any knowledge. You've heard it at a wedding or something. You fucking lowlife. You cultural void. You nullity the commitments fucking please please you're in a you're in a a blues establishment it's meant to be you know you play reggae so you know what do you mean i play reggae what's wrong with reggae paul

gonna say something racist now of course i like reggae but what i'm saying is you wouldn't go to the blues kitchen and expect to hear reggae. And sometimes you play it, so it's not without the remit to be out of the parameters of what you'd expect at that gig. No, but it just annoyed me that they also were ignorant of who the actual artist was. That's fine, but when I spoke to you before... Learn your history before you come with requests to me, yeah? Don't fucking turn this into, fuck, 8 Mile. Right, it comes down to this. when I spoke to you before... Learn your history before you come with requests to me, yeah? Don't fucking turn this into, fuck, 8 Mile. Right. It comes down to this.

Films like Commitments and Blues Brothers are gateway drugs to a wider scope of music. Now, it's their problem if they don't research further and decide to know, oh, who did the original of,

you know, or Shake a Tail Feather, because all I know is I've seen it on the movies. If that's their surface level introduction then fine but that's just

how pop culture is however if they come to you and went Mustang Sally what's that other one from The Commitment is it by that guy

and you go oh yeah by Charlie Biscuits and you go yeah I've got Charlie Biscuits they've already threatened to

get me sacked or whatever well they're not going to sack you over fucking Mustang Sally they best not no

so yeah so that's what you kind of deal with with these requests and this type of establishment. I hate this section. It was novel at first. Back in the Uncleanable days when you had no concept. I'll just tell some wacky stories. Can I just say noodles?

Yeah, people like that. Modular noodles, modular noodles, dance floor, DJ. Amplitude. Amplitude. You're nothing but a bunch of gimmicks now mate whatever you've become you've stardom's changed you can i finish my point yeah right so there's two different types of terrible requests you get that where they say just don't don't do that well just having a sip of orange juice um someone will say some obscure tune that he thinks... Oh, yeah.

It's usually blokes who do that. They're kind of trying to say, oh, I know about heavy mud, mud beach, yeah? Beat, mud, yeah? Have you got the pistols

in a Backstreet Abortion? Yeah, exactly. But, no, that's... That's by the damned. Oh, of course. Sorry. Yeah, you get that hopelessly obscure tune

which I wouldn't even know about necessarily, but then you have the ladies generally who are like, Oh, of course. Sorry. Yeah, you get that hopelessly obscure tune, which I wouldn't even know about necessarily. But then you have the ladies generally. They're like, Dirty dancing. Sexist trigger moment in the podcast. Sexist trigger moment in the podcast. What are you saying about women?

That their surface level enjoyment of pop culture drives you to insanity? Sometimes it does, Paul. Fair enough. I agree with you completely. No, but I get it because I think they Largely enjoy music They just want to have a good time Because it's an emotive thing To dance to music And so I can understand

That if they hear A familiar version of a song Like Lulu's version of Shout Or the Blues Brothers version of You know Everybody needs somebody to love Yes You know

They go Oh that reminds me of this moment And I'm letting go If you play a different version of it Or an off album track They'd be like This isn't the same emotional moment That I'm getting So I you play a different version of it or an off album track they'll be like this isn't the same emotional moment

that I'm getting so I'm frustrated why aren't you playing more stuff that reminds me of when I was 16 year old and getting fingered in the school disco

by Barry okay so that's one Tales from the Dance Floor are you ready trigger warning over are you ready for there's two

the second part of my Tales from the Dance Floor yes Yes. So, just before the night before Nothing about this section works. The jingle doesn't work. The stories trail off. You know what doesn't work about this section, Paul? What? You. Perhaps you should just leave the room while I do this section. Thank you.

Don't do a fake walkout. I've never done a fake walkout on this podcast before. Oh, God. Come back. I'm opening theout. I've never done a fake walkout on this podcast before. Oh, God. Come back. I'm opening the door. I'm leaving in a huff. What a cunt. Oh, is he still here?

Oh. He's back. Oh, I'm back. I've had a long think, and I've changed my mind. I forgive you. Okay. Thank you, Paul. So, now, tell me your tedious story.

Just before I left for my little sojourn in the US of A, I was DJing the night before at the Camden Police Kitchen. Yeah. Go to 3.30. And it was about... It's an extra half hour. About 10 minutes past... Did you get paid more for that half hour? No.

Don't do it. Anyway, they've changed it now. It's gone back down to three. The concept of time. No. That would be good. That would be good. But, no, they've gone to three now.

Yeah. Which is... Rock and roll. A good relief for all of us. Yeah, I believe. But anyway, we were still going until 3.30 on that night. Right. And about ten past three.

I'd had a few. You drinking whilst working? I won't hear of it. They give me free drinks. They want me to drink. They give you a number of free drinks. You fill in the added content. Right.

I had a beer resting on the... Oh. Yeah. It's bad. Don't care about this section still. Really? No, go on. It was a beer resting...

This is like casualty now. I'm seeing the setup of the accident. Resting on the CDJ, which is above the record decks. Not a very clever place to put a drink. I'm just putting that out there right now. No, you're absolutely right, because... Yeah? Ten minutes after three,

Eli did a bit of a splishy splashy. What, you pissed on the decks? No. I knocked the beer off the thing, and it fell onto the mixer. Oh, mate. And the mixer was under about an inch of beer

and there's nothing I could do. You know, I turned around, I turned back and it all poured on. Mate. It literally landed and poured out on top of the mixer.

How unprofessional. And I just thought, it's going to stop. The music's going to stop. And then it went, it totally just stopped. Mate. And I had to walk up,

walk of shame up to the front and tell the manager to put the put the I love this yeah I totally like this I love the idea

that you fucked it the whole desk and then you had to go mate mate oh sorry I want a bit of an accent I don't know why it happened

I put a drink dangerously dangerously dangerously close to the mixing desk. I did my drunking stoop there. Looking for fucking Mustang Sally. I fucking knocked it. Wait, how about that?

So. How about that? Fuck my life. Shut up. Have you got any more drinks going? Is it too late to close the bar? I did actually get another drink yeah of course you fucking did so

alright it er basically it broke and so I I tried to get the excess beer off the top and I unplugged it all and I was holding

the mixer up and beer was pouring out of the fuck's sake the box you know like for a good minute I'm shaking the beer out I'm like that's never

going to work again never never never anyway now I put it i store it in an upright position so any excess beer can drain out yeah of course it's very clever and i go and i tell the management yeah i'm sorry it was my fault i spilled a whole beer on the mixer it stopped working twat and do you know what happened uh they had the banged you no they had the mp3 there sort of mix on for the last 20 minutes because obviously it was broken.

And some guy and I was trying to sort stuff out behind the deck some guy came up and went oh mate you gonna play

any more blues music? And I was like I'm not playing anything. He's like what? No play some blues music. I'm like look I'm not DJing. I may never DJ here again.

Yeah exactly. It's so annoying. It's like, oh, yeah, all right, man. All right, sorry. Fuck off. Anyway. You were upset. And then, little coda to this story.

So I was in America the next day thinking, Christ, I hope they don't, you know, charge me for the mixer. Or fire you outright. Or fire me outright. But came back last night. Yeah. Blue's Kitchen Camden. Yeah.

I'm thinking, oh, I wonder what's up with the mixer. What will the reaction be? Probably have a replacement. I get up there, same mixer. Oh. Working perfectly. Yeah. And I asked the sound guy, Costas, my friend.

Oh, Costas. I said, did you hear about me pouring beer all over that? He said, yeah, it works fine. In fact, we're going to do it every week now. It keeps it in good nick. How about that? It that it dried out wow it's a hardy mixer yeah it really is dried out now it works and that's your tales from the dance floor i still really hate this section well i'm bored of it really it comes down to that bored of it bored of you bored of everything you're such a what what could you do? What little bit would you do?

People enjoy Tales from the Dance Floor, yeah? Yeah. Also... Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, if you want Eli booked for any weddings or funerals or you need someone DJing... What are you doing? I had another noodle.

What are you looking into the sky about it? It's like it's flown away. I'm looking in my head. Yeah, but you were moving your head. It looked like you thought you could see it in the sky. Anyway, I's like it's flown away. I'm looking in my head. Yeah, but you were moving your head. It looked like you thought you could see it in the sky.

Anyway, I'll just describe it to you because we're not doing it now. But, perhaps for the noodle special, this is just a little teaser for the four.

It's just a little teaser. Perhaps for the noodle special, I bought a noodle back from Western Beef, which has all the Latino food in it. Oh my God.

Do you know what it is? Crap. Chili and lime flavour. Do you know what it is? Crap. Chili and lime flavor. Oh. So that links in with our chili and lime pig skins that we had. So it goes for my whole theory of instant noodles, that instant noodles are modified and changed from what culture, food culture they're trying to fit into.

For example. I am going to kill you. The pickle flavour. I'm going to kill you. I mean, the gherkin flavour, which is Polish. And then you've got the chilli and lime, sort of Latino. I'm going to take a hot spoon. Noodles of the world. Gouge out your eyes.

Noodle variations of the world. And then I'll take a knife. With your host, Eli Silverman. Cut out your tongue. That's all, Paul. You tried to undercut me. That's it. Anyway, coming up next on Che Chief Show, vinyl platter.

Oh, we're doing the vinyl? Yeah, we're doing vinyl. All right. We need to get that ready. Now it's one of my favourite parts of the show. It's called Silverman's Platter. Is that what it's called? Yeah, didn't we agree on it called... You're not happy?

It's terrible. You were happy with it last time. I changed my mind. What do you want to call it now, then? Because, you know, consistency is quite important when you're doing a... All right, Silverman's Platter it is. Right. So, a few items for Silverman's Platter this week paul yes hit me with it uh what are we doing

what order are we doing these in uh the order that you uh fancy okay let's start with yes arnie and the terminators oh tell me a bit more about arnie and the terminators i'll be back now where do you get all these records by the way by and large where do you find them charity shops are good for terrible novelty records that no one ever wants to possess. Yeah? Because people don't want to possess them. So they put them in charity shops and they hope never to see them again. Because they were embarrassed by having them in the first place?

Yeah. I mean, novelty records are a funny thing, isn't it? You buy it, you listen to it... And then what? A couple of times. Then it's not funny after a year, is it? No. And it has no musical value, really. No, you can't really play it at parties. No.

Especially if it's from the early 90s, where everything's a different reference anyway. Yeah. And this is definitely a particular reference to the film of Terminator 2, I'd imagine. It's where he uses the line, I'll be back in Terminator 2. I'll be back.

So let's listen to the song right now. Uzi 9mm! I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. If you're lying, I'll be back. Right, so tell us about this song. Tell us about it. To say the production is slapdash would be an understatement. Yes.

I just want to bring up one inconsistency. Now, it's a song that kind of spoofs. Not spoofs, but it kind of pretends to be a dance song for the 90s, right? That you can tell. It's kind of the dance, dancey vibe they're going for, yeah. You know that they're laying all the Arnie stuff on top of it. I'll be back and all that stuff. But what I don't understand is the R2-D2 sound effect every now and then.

Yeah, they just... It's a bit like... It's sci-fi, so stick it all in. Yeah. Stick it all in. Just stick in some other reference. It's a bit like Amityville, the house on the hill. Yeah.

Which has that guy doing impressions and he does James T. Cook. Like... Spock! James T. Do like fuck James T. Do you know what I mean? And it's like what I thought this was a novelty record about Amityville.

Yeah but he could do that voice and that's why he did it. I think they're probably in the studio Arnie and the Terminators making it go look at this

cool C-3PO movies I've got. It's made by R2 sorry R2-D2 so forgive me R2-D2

you do care I don't care about Star Wars all that much I've never been a big Star Wars person it's not an er situation I just not everyone can like

fucking Star Wars and it's getting increasingly hard to fucking avoid it these days if you want me to have a little bit of a rant yes oh look Star Wars there

Star Wars there Star Wars Star Wars everywhere well they're going to have a film every year for the rest of our lives don't you think that lessens the brand of something

when you know it's a regular churning out of a fucking brand or something? Well, of course it does, but that's what they want to do. They want to make money. Then when summer blockbusters be varied, so you never knew what was going to happen the next year. One year it was like,

oh, Gremlins is out in the summer. And the year after that it was, oh, Ghostbusters. And the year after that it was like, oh, Back to the Future. Was Ghostbusters the year after Gremlins? I think it was the same year as Gremlins, actually. 84, I think it was. But either way and the year after that it was like oh Back to the Future and Goonies. Was Ghostbusters the year after Gremlins? I think it was the same year as Gremlins actually

84 I think it was but either way it's like a nice variety but now it's like oh there's a new Avengers movie next year and there's a new fucking Star Wars movie and there's a new

Fast and Furious movie 8 they're on now and they're alright but they're just wacky car it's like basically what would happen if you gave guys who are really muscly the chance to're just wacky car it's like basically what would happen if you gave guys who are really muscly the chance to make a wacky

racers movie weren't there like several hundred Herbie movies? There's been a few the latest one I think was Fully Loaded with Lindsay Lohan and that was back in the mid 2000s Herbie Fully Loaded which is funny because that's actually how they described Lindsay Lohan

later on in her life Fully Loaded. Herbie Fully Loaded. Which is funny, because that's actually how they described Lindsay Lohan later on in her life. There she is. Fully Loaded. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here for the satires. Yes. The satire puns coming thick and fast here on the Cheap Show. So this is Arnie and the Terminators' I'll Be Back.

Yeah. It's a terrible production. What can you tell us about the people who made it? It's Steve Wright and the Posse. Yeah, so in the UK, there was a very popular afternoon drive time presenter on. It's Steve Wright and the Posse. Yeah, so in the UK there was a very popular afternoon drive time presenter on Radio 1 called Steve Wright.

I think he's still alive. He is, but he's on Radio 2 now. And he's massively... He looks like eight of you. He's put on some weight over the years. I don't like to be cruel in this podcast

unless it's just to you or to me. I think we can be cruel to each other, but I don't tend to like to be cruel to this podcast unless it's just to you or to me I think we can be cruel to each other but I don't tend to like to be cruel to other people but he's a fat

fucking cunt sorry no he got you look at him now and he looks like someone's put a tiny version of his head on a much bigger

version of his body so his face remained the same size yeah and the body he looks like John Leguizumie in Spawn

you know he played the clown character or whatever heie in Spawn. You know, he played the clown character or whatever it was in Spawn. Okay. Yeah. Anyway. So, anyway. So, anyway. He presented a drive-time show.

Very popular. And what was the gimmick? He had a crew of people around him in the show. Oh, crazy guys! The Posse! That kind of shit. Yeah.

So, this is by Steve Wright and the Posse. It says, Long live Steve Wright and the Posse on the cover. Yeah. As graffiti. But Arnie and the Terminators is the official band name, obviously.

Written and produced by Richard Easter, who was part of that Posse. Yeah. So he's probably the guy who did the very bad Arnie impression. That's the other thing I was going to mention. Not only have you got the inconsistent R2-D2 noises. Yeah. You also have very poor, by today's standard, Arnie impression. Very poor by anyone's standard.

It's just someone doing a bad German accent. They've got none of the Arrgh. You know, they've got none of that. I can never do, I can't do Arnie.

But you know, you have to get that Arrgh. Getting the chopper. Yeah, see even that's better. Actually, yeah,

it's not too bad. That's better. But he's just like, I'll be back. You know what I mean? As just sort of a generic bad German accent. You you know as if that would fucking make it any better as if that would work so out of how many gold discs are you going to give it i'm going to give it one it is an awful doesn't have any musical value at all no any does it's annoying the the production slapdash

it is a cash-in it sounds like someone's shouting at you I mean literally and figuratively it's a total cash in yeah and it worked didn't it because you just told me it got to number 5

which is back in the early 90s that meant something I think 91 92th whenever it came out 91 and

yeah you make money getting to number 5 at that point it's on top of the pops and everything also in my hand I've got the other Steve Wright single

I possess yes Mr Angry with Steve Wright and we've played that on our Uncleekables show yes I'm so angry

just for a little note if you're interested about the Uncleekables it's largely awful but if you want to listen to it when we set up Patreon people who donate X amount will get a download code

I think to every single Uncleekables which is like 20 odd episodes of what i like to call well dodgy shit ropey some episodes are really good and some are just like oh but unfortunately the episodes that are really good i just rebranded as cheap show so you've already i remember one of the early episodes you started by saying so eli how are you and i was like i

don't know i don't know what i don't know what to say. Basically, like... Yeah, so that's no different than nearly any other fucking podcast. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, yeah, Mr. Angry there. Ah, ah, yeah. Which is just a man shouting down a phone, isn't it? No, but it has the dance mix, angry rap on the other side. And I have to say...

Yeah. Musically... Yeah. Mr. Angry, far superior. Which one came first? 85, I'm saying. Oh! It was a good six years before. That would have been his heyday as well.

Yeah, that was the height of the Steve Wright phenomenon. Because Mr. Angry was a character who'd call up the show. I'm so angry! That was the thing. Who's on the phone right now? It was like, hello, Mr. Angry! What are you angry today about? The blacks!

All right, I'm going to have to hang up. That didn't work as well. Mr. Angry's gone well off the scale races. I think Mr. Angry voted leave. Right, okay. Yes, he certainly did.

So, that is Arnie and the Terminators. I'll be back. A worthless piece of shit if I can be so blunt. All right, next track. That's what we like on this section.

Yeah. Next track on Silverman's Platter is Murphy and the Bricks. Ooh. By Noel Murphyatter is... Murphy and the Bricks. Ooh. By Noel Murphy. Murphy and the Bricks sounds like a band title, doesn't it?

But that is the name of the actual song. Yeah, I got confused thinking the band was called Murphy and the Bricks, which in itself wouldn't be a bad band name. And then the song was called Noel Murray in a kind of Blair-esque way. Noel Murphy. Noel Murphy. Yeah. So let's listen to that right now. Dear sir, I write this note to you to tell you of me plight.

For at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight. Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey. And I write this note to say why Murphy's not at work today While working on the 14th floor some bricks I had to clear But to toss them down from such a height was not a good idea The foreman wasn't very pleased, he is an awkward sod He said I'd have to carve them down the ladders in me hod. Now shifting all those bricks by hand, it was so very slow.

So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below. But in me haste to do the job, I was too blind to see that a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me Well that was gash. Yeah, the thing is, a kind of well constructed

rhyme structure tells a story Yeah, I mean they didn't hear it in the whole episode we didn't play the whole song in the episode just now we played a snippet, but they basically tell a very simple story. It's a folk Irish song, a silly little whimsy about a joke, a very popular myth about a guy trying to pull a barrel of bricks. So you've heard of this myth at other places apart from this record?

Funnily enough, the show Mythbusters tested it out to see whether it would work. So in the story, the myth is that a guy's pulling a big barrel of bricks up to the top of this pulley right but then it's too heavy it's too heavy and he gets lifted up and he gets pulled up as it drops down on the way up he hits the barrel cracks his head yeah then he hits the top at the same time the barrel breaks at the bottom scattering all the bricks no it pours out half the bricks either way it's lighter so then he starts falling down he hits the barrel on the way down and then he hits the floor onto the bricks. Oh, does it pour out half? Either way, it's lighter. So then he starts falling down. He hits the barrel on the way down. And then he hits the floor onto the bricks that's been spilled.

And then the barrel hits the top. And it shatters. And then the rest of what's left falls down upon him. And so he's lying, bloodied and beaten, on the floor, covered in bricks and barrels. And it's funny because he's not in work the next day. And this song explains it. It explains why. In a protracted fucking manner. I told that

reasonably succinctly in what? 30 seconds? You didn't have that little Blarney charm, did you? I went to do the book today. I hate that fucking shit. It's so trite. Yeah. It really is. It's like, just tell the song.

It's like, I'm Irish Just It's like I'm Irish And I work on a building site And I'm not competent I broke my neck The other hand I'm Filing for Divorce

Divorce No What would it be Injury at work I'm going to get To claim today I'm fucking Doing claims direct

Yeah The excitement of That makes me Fucking erect I'm full of Peppery goodness I don't know Where it's been fucking doing claims direct. The excitement of that makes me fucking erect. I'm full of peppery goodness. I don't know where it's been. A finger of fudge is just enough to make your teeth go green. I lost it then.

I kind of went from folk to an advert for Cadbury's fudge. Murphy and the Bricks. Noel Murphy. What struck me is how horrific his injuries really would be if you actually put that in real life. He breaks his shoulder his head yeah he's got bricks falling on him slammed his fingers on the on the uh pulley at the top probably smashed his head up he'd be in serious trouble broken legs someone came along to rescue him there well we don't know we don't know what happened to him

that's why he's not in work because he's having major surgery to save his life. Bleeding out. And the whole audience is laughing. They're laughing. Stupid Irish guy smashes his face open. They're laughing, but they don't realise that, unfortunately, the company that worked for him did have a proper insurance policy for the site, and so he was never going to get the money needed for help getting better with his surgery. And so his wife's had to go on the game to earn the site. And so he was never going to get the money needed for help getting better with his surgery.

And so his wife's had to go on the game to earn the money. So she shamed herself. Just to earn a couple hundred quid. What's her name? Bettany. And how can I find Bettany's number? Bettany is in my head.

Yeah, I know that one. Hello there, Eli. What can I do for you? Can you give me a handjob? Oh, I'll give you one of me specials. I call it me barrel of bricks. Oh, yeah, how do you do that? Well, basically, I start at the bottom of your shaft,

and then I violently tug it up to the top, and then I hurt your helmet, and then I pull it hard down. Do you smack my helmet with the pulley? Yeah, and then I pull me hand down and smack you on the balls, and then I jank it up and smack you on the balls. And then I jank it up again. Jank it?

Jank it. And then I bash you on the helmet. And then you come. So, I need a score for Murphy and the Bricks by Neil Murphy. No, this is you. You rate it. I go with it. This is your expertise.

So, how many gold platters? I'll give it two. It was nicely recorded. You can hear the audience. You can tell it's a live recording. Oh, is it out of ten? Yeah. Because you gave the other one one. Yeah. That was one, only in the Terminators. I mean, we don't like it because of personal taste,

but compared to the quality of the first song, yeah, it's much better quality. Much better. It's a bit of folk. It's folk. For the oldies. Isn't it diddly, diddly, diddly? Yeah, go on. I love the Irish accent, though. I do. Okay, so. It's so lovely. I can't do the Dublin one. The Dublin accent.

I can't do Dublin. You can't do any of them. Well, that's rich coming from... Oh, hello. Every time I say to you, do a voice, you go, oh, hello. I won't do that this time. Yeah, good. Just give me an accent.

Irish. Oh, hello. I fell into that one, ladies and gentlemen. All right. I fell into that one. Right, okay, so... I'll give it four, five. Five.

Go five. Five, nice middle of the road. It's perfectly nice, and he had a hit with that, I believe, at the time, probably. Yeah, probably. I don't know. I'm not going to chat that one up because I'm not as interested. What is next on your platter? This is a cash-in tune if I ever saw one.

On quite a large label, Arista, it's the WW wwf superstars with slam jam let's listen to that right now the world wrestling federation today Thank you. We'll be right back. Bulldog, and you're going down. The Undertaker says slam. Slam. If you buy a tune and then slam, it's a slam jam. Oh, oh, oh. If you buy a tune and then slam, it's a slam jam. Oh, oh, oh.

Well, that was a funky tune. That was terrible. It was terrible, but it was very well produced. Yes. You can tell a lot of money went into that. You'd think the production was more expensive than the Arnie and the Terminators one, yeah? I'm going to say vastly more. Yeah.

It was more well done. Let's just break it down in terms of budget. Arnie and the Terminators, one dodgy guy in a recording studio, probably the Radio 1 recording studio where everyone's gone home for the day, recording it, sampling it, doing funny voices, putting a few boings and whistles in. Meanwhile, WWF go to Arista and they ask for the British Bulldog and fucking Randy Savage or whatever else is in it. Do you know what I've just noticed?

It's a vinyl record. It's Stock, Aitken and Waterman. Really? Produced and arranged by Mike Stock and Peter Waterman. It's funny because it doesn't quite have their sound. It does have that boy band sort of chorus. Well, that's what I was going to say. Which is very much sort of Brother Beyond.

It feels like that could have been a chorus. It's got that kind of... Yeah, it's got a bullshit. Not so much like New Kids on the Block, but maybe. Yes, it is like that. Do you think? That's who they're aping. Because I'm thinking Backstreet Boys.

Yes. They're aping that kind of sound. For sure. But the thing is, all the song is, is just all the fucking wrestlers wanking off their fucking catchphrases. What gets me is the British Bulldog is like, hi, I'm the British Bulldog, and I'm so British. Yeah. Cor blimey.

You know what I mean? Cor blimey lover ducks. And he seems to be the only one who really gets a word in there. Well, that's because he's probably the most literate of all the fucking wrestlers. It's like, I don't know, I can't remember the wrestlers that were on there, but let's just say... There weren't any others, are there? Well, there was a few. Let's just say, I couldn't remember them all, but let's just say...

The Undertaker? The Undertaker. He'd be like, Mr. Taker, because he recently retired, didn't he? Finally, yeah. There was a big thing about it. I don't fucking care. Yeah, so he'd be like, Mr. Undertaker He'd be like Mr. Taker Because he recently retired Didn't he Finally Yeah There's a big thing about it I don't fucking care Yeah so he'd be like Mr. Undertaker

We just need you to Do a quick line for the song We need you to say I'm the Undertaker And I'm a backbreaker Alright can you do that Alright I can do that Alright here we go

Just when I give you the cue I want you to say it So here we go Undertaker No I'm the backbreaker No, no, that's not good enough I could have some crack

You could have some crack Why am I from the north? To be honest, if the Undertaker was going to be from anywhere in the UK He'd be a northerner Yeah, but he's not I'm the Undertaker, ladies and gentlemen How are you doing? I'm risen from the grave.

Hi, I'm the British Bulldog. I've got an American accent. I thought he came from Manchester or Stockholm or something. He was a yank. You know, we're going to have a policy, I think, on this show from this point on. Because you know sometimes the internet can completely ruin conversations. Yes. Because everyone just goes and fax checks with their phone.

We're not allowed to do that anymore now. Fine. I don't do that. I'm not some kind of millennial, you know, no brain. I know. I'm just saying that maybe we should go

for a conversation. Sorry millennials who listen to this. I know. They don't care. They think it's cool that we take the piss out of them.

Well, they're little snotty little little uglings with their fucking devices grafted to their faces because they know everything. They think they know everything but they don't know everything. Just because they've got all knowledge at their fingertips they Because they know everything. They think they know everything. But they don't know everything.

Just because they've got all knowledge at their fingertips, they think they know everything. And they don't. So there you go. Two old men shouting at the youth as per... Oh, God. That's what we do. That's what you do when you get to a certain age.

You start resenting the youth, even though you've got no reason to. I find some of them quite attractive. And that's where we had to get rid of Eli from Cheap Show. That's where, unfortunately, due to an Eli from Cheap Show that's where unfortunately due to an oncoming court case no I didn't mean look millennials are only one in their 20s

that's legal it's legal for me to have sex with people in their 20s yeah but they're half your age it's legal when you were 20 they were spare they're consenting adults it's legal I don't know why I'm defending myself I must confess to my crimes.

Sorry. If you're rich you're allowed to have a girlfriend who's much younger than you aren't you? Just because you're rich why can't I have sex

with a girl who's younger than me? You're not rich that's a fucking good place to start with that one. Exactly. So if you had loads of money no matter your cesspit

it's not the meat locker the house of pickles anyway next fucking question let's move on next platter well we haven't given a score have we for that one what was that one

the WWF All Stars what would you give it I liked it it was alright it's cheesy I just find it yeah but I find the tune really annoying

Stock Aitken and Walkman though obviously were a class act if you like that kind of thing you know you have to and I'm sure that was played often on the radio in America and I'm sure someone

strolled out to it during the WWWWF Smackdown night. You know? But, you know, in comparison to what we've had so far, it looks good.

But I'd only give it six. Fine. Six is fine. It's not a tune I'd want to hear ever. All right. And finally, what have you got for us

on the platter? Now, the king of novelty records, one might say, and an international phenomenon at the time, was the tune Popcorn. Yes.

Let's listen to, no, let's not listen to it, no. No, explain what you're about to listen to. Popcorn,

everyone knows. Yes. I'm doing it with my cheeks cheeks let me do it with my cheeks it sounds more accurate that was pretty good actually thank you that's what it basically sounds like but what have you got?

and it was one of the first tunes to come out which had a synthesizer and I think that was why it was a huge hit because it had a synthy sort of future noise it was the toy story of music it was almost like the tell star of the early 70s had a sort of futuristic vibe yes now i've done a little bit of research know something about popcorn but basically it seems to have been released in several countries

by different artists all around the same period that's strange how do they get around that i don't know there was no copyright on it or they kept selling it because there's that one by mr k yeah uh which the b side of is synthetic sister number two which i love okay great i love that song all right fantastic bit of kitschy sort of uh synth synth music okay and so but oh he's got his version of popcorn on the other side mr k um how many different i mean i guess he can do there were lots and this popped up this is popcorn yeah by anarchic system i believe it's a french version but what makes this, Paul, is this has vocals on it. Popcorn with lyrics? Yes.

Shall we listen to it right now? Let's hear a bit of that now. Like a popcorn in your hand Is your castle made of sand? Bye. Like a buck from bouncing low You can fall out in the snow You can sigh, you can cry You can cry till you are gone Time, time, time to stay Time, time, come what may Time, time, ride your day That sounds like what most people do on YouTube every fucking day, where they put lyrics onto songs. It's not great, is it? No. Oh, I... people do on YouTube every fucking day, where they put lyrics onto songs. It's not great, is it? No. I shoot popcorn

up my arse. Go on. I spit popcorn out my arse. I heat it up with grass. I burn the grass under my arse and stick it out the arse arse. Wow, you are the worst improviser in the fucking world.

Seriously. I'm hungover! No, it's no fucking excuse. I'll do some good work in the future, Paul. Jesus fucking H Christ. We've got to really stop coasting with this shit and actually pull some shit out. Fuck off.

We put plenty of effort in. What it reminded me of, the vocal, is that other record which we may have covered. The Red Car and the Blue Car Had the Race, which is the novelty tune

from... The Red Car and the Blue Car Had the Race. Exactly. Doesn't it have that nasal sort of quality? It's got that faux, fake microphone

from the early 30s kind of sound to it. Like the buggles, like I said to you, the buggles. Sounds a bit like the buggles, yeah. I hate you all my wireless fucking YouTube. I have popcorn in my japside. If your arse is it or not in your japside, I apologise. That's better because it's racist and sexy.

I'm spunking popcorn out my japside. Oh, come on. If you could spunk popcorn. Imagine that. That would be a party trick. Oh, come on. If you could spunk popcorn. Imagine that. That'd be a party trick. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, stop. Stop.

You want to see this. Yeah, stop watching Ron Jeremy suck his own dick. I've got Eli in the next room. He's blowing popcorn out his dick end. The meatus is producing popcorn. So all you can hear next door is you go, oh, and. I'm girding my mess. Oh,

it's buttered. You're a bit salty too. Oh, it's very salty. Oh, very salty. You're really outdoing yourself with the noise

mouth sound effects. I'm like that guy from Police Academy. Yeah, exactly. Oh, here's a helicopter. That's not too bad as well. Boop, boop. Chuffa, chuffa, chuffa, chuffa. I'm a helicopter. That's not too bad as well.

I'm a railway train now. I'm a choo-choo train. Stop. Have a time. That's Anarchic System. Was it a big hit? I know it was released as a single in America. I think it was Popcorn.

That wasn't released in America, was it? It's got an American flag on the cover. It's weird. Let me have a little look. I know we just... We just said you weren't going to do this. I know, but now I kind of feel like I've got to. So what's it fucking called again?

Popcorn. Popcorn. Anarchic system. I just want to know when it was released and how popular it was. I'm fascinated by the process. Oh... Fuck it, actually. Bollocks. was released and how popular it was. I'm fascinated by the process. Oh, fuck it, actually. Bollocks.

My copy was owned by a guy called Christian. Yes. He had a quite fruity way of writing his name. Oh, very flourishy. Oh, okay, here we go. So, Anarchic System was a French band formed in the early 70s

They were in good friendship With the opportunity To They were Right sorry The band's members Were part of other groups From other rock scenes

In northern France They were all good friends And the opportunity Of re-recording Popcorn Was given to them By Paul DeCenville Of AZ Records In 1972

Blah blah blah Blah blah blah They were asked to, blah, blah, blah, blah. They were asked to re-record it. This is what happened. In the different territories, people just did versions of Popcorn to just make a quick buck. Yeah, well, there you go.

You'd expect something better from a band called Anarchic System, like some way-out electronica or something. Well, that sounds like a bit of a piss-take, that song. If you know what I mean, it sounds like they've just done it for a fucking laugh. Well, for money. Yeah, but funny money.

Right. And so concludes Silverman's Platters. Oh, well, we've had a lovely time. Absolutely lovely. Thank you for once more showing me your platter.

I will show you my platters and spin them for you any time. Are you blowing the Smurf house now? Is that a euphemism? Yeah. Right, that's it for another cheap show. Me and Eli forgot to record an ending to this episode so i'm doing

it now weeks later with that in mind if you've enjoyed the show spread the word tell people about us if you want to follow us on twitter go to twitter and find us at the cheap show pod you can email us thecheapshow at gmail.com and if you want to see pictures and videos associated with this episode go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk. Simple as that. And I can also announce two cool things right now. One is a delightful fan has made an app called the Eli Silverman Soundboard. You can get it on Google App Store, Google Play. As a result, let me prove it to you, I can now do this ending without Eli being here.

Can't I, Eli? Yes. Are you a handsome man? No. Do you like this app? Make it stop. Why? I'm a bit of a noodle nut.

Is that right Eli? I didn't know all these things. Would you like to say anything to your fans? Eat my shit! Anyway if you want this app. You can go to Google Play and download it. It's free. It's called the eli

silverman soundboard big thank you to um the chap who put this together for us who i can't remember the name of right now i'm an awful awful human being but i will mention it on the website as well but you can get the eli silverman soundboard on google play stores uh right now. It's fantastic, isn't it? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You fucking wet the bed. So, also, the second thing we want to announce is Patreon for our podcast is now up and running. Basically,

all we want to do is get a little bit of money just so we can pay for the website hosting, the main name, the podcast hosting page itself, all those little things, and maybe splash out on a few props and food items for the show itself. So if you want to help keep the lights on at CheapShowHQ, please donate. Even a dollar goes a little way towards helping us on this podcast, and we really appreciate all the fan support we've had so far on this show.

So we love you guys. Thank you so, so much. We are going to offer different rewards for people who donate different amounts of money. Anything from just mentions on the show all the way up to exclusive podcasts. We're going to call these the Cheap Show Crap Books where we'll give you even exclusive podcasts just for Patreon listeners

or we'll finally give you unclickable episodes. The last podcast episodes from me and eli with an intro and outro and a bit of a commentary uh there are a few other surprises in there as well again just for patreon people and if you decide to splash out a lot of money we'll give you something nice we might even actually try and do something like an eli box we haven't sorted it out yet but right right now, any little donation helps. We really appreciate it. So if you want to help support Cheap Show, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show, and give

us what you can. Every dollar, every penny is appreciated. So thank you so much. We love you so much, don't we, Eli? Yes. Yes, we do. You're great, aren't you? They are fucking weird. So, um, there you go. Thank you for listening to another episode

of Cheap Show. We're back real soon and we're aiming to do three episodes a month from this point on, so thank you. Right, I'm going to awkwardly end this right about now. Thank you for joining us. Bye, Eli. Bye. That's more like the zippy from Rainbow, actually. Anyway, bye, bye, bye.

Don't forget Patreon. Bye, bye, bye. That, bye. Don't forget Patreon. Bye, bye, bye. That'll do.