CheapShow - Ep 430: The Cost Of Crud

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

After two weeks away in America, Eli arrives back in one piece and ready to go with a grab bag of tat and tasty treats to foist upon his co-host. He’s brought with him a few snacks to wrap their tongues around and a special USA flavoured “Price of Shite” … Sorry, “The Cost of Crud”, as Eli would prefer to call it. To make matters more pointless, he decides that points are not “p’twings” this week and instead they are “p’twangs”. Whatever they are, Gannon wants them, and he’s going to try his very best. However, Paul may have gone a bit doolally whilst he had no co-host for a while, so please bear that in mind as he continuously threatens Eli with his “Chobber”. What is this “Chobber” of which he speaks? I mean, it’s obvious, right? But you better listen in just to check. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-430-the-cost-of-crud And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Do the song again. It's fine. You want me to do that? Okay. I'll do it then. Guess who's back back again. Here he comes. Tell your friends. Look who's back. Hello everyone. Eli Silverman back from the States. But Paul, I have a question. Do you, um, in the law, in the sort of continuity, that's what they call it. Don't they? Yeah. In the continuity of the show in Gannon's, I hear last week in Gannon's Canon in Gannon it, don't they? Yeah. In the continuity of the show. In Gannon's cannon. Wasn't I here last week? In Gannon's cannon. In Gannon's hummus cannon. Yeah. Oh, whew. Keep watching that. No, it's some guy. He's a fucking... Come like hummus. No, he's some... I've got that come like hummus. I've got that come like hummus. No, this guy... I make come like hummus. Yes. No, you're close to this content that I'm talking about. Talk about

chickpeas. Oh man. Talk about chickpeas. He is some kind of fucking YouTuber, influencer guy. Yeah. And my sister sent him the reels and he had some song about the smell of his foreskin, right? Oh, he's a comedy singer man or something. Sort of, but he's also like self-help. He's like, now he's into drinking his own piss. Talking about how it's not gay to be gay because the Romans did it. And like he's Canadian and he smells his finger and God, he creeps me out. Okay, well I've never heard of this man. And he calls it the Hummer's Canon.

The Hummer's Canon? Yeah, he's always about his dick or how something smells or something. I mean, I don't want to particularly throw stones in that greenhouse, but you know what I mean? It's just like... The stinky cum greenhouse. It's like there's a layer, isn't there, where it's like me and you do it and it's like... There's a layer of it on everything. More of a film, isn't it?

There's more of a fucking crust. More of a thick filmy crust. Break the crust! Bring the toffee hammer! It's like the top of creme brulee. Well, what I'm saying is, what we do is like, silly character, we're not really saying, you know, you should drink your piss out. I don't know, there's this sort of focus and just... Is this all cold open? Anyway, I'm back from the States everyone.

He is, for everyone. That was a make believe episode last week. Yeah, well everyone doesn't, it's been the same, but for me, I've had two Eli-less weeks. Oh. I've missed you. Oh. Actually, my partner said, please go and do something, because you're fucking doing my editing being in the house all the time and moaning about you and saying your name in

my sleep and stuff. Yeah. Well, no, it's good to be back Paul, but I did have a lovely time out in Florida. Yeah. And boy are your arms tired. And boy are my arms tired. Hey listen, if you want to get into that, can I did have a lovely time out in Florida. Yeah. Boy are your arms tired. Boy are my arms tired. Hey listen, if you want to get into that, can I go to the credits now then? Is that alright?

Can I just slip them in here? I put the next long chunky version in. Fine, if you want to deflate everything. Yeah, no, what, your balls? We built... Oh wait, is that the condom we didn't use? Yeah, that's the one we didn't use. Anyway, we're not going to show about the balls.

No, I thought we built up a good head of steam of energy. Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof! balls no I thought we built up a good head of steam of energy credits credits credits fuck press the fucking credits Welcome to Jeep Show. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney, Chodney Borough. I hate you. I've got to be you as well, Posse.

Jeep Show time. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. I hate you, you've got to be more than posse. Welcome to Cheap Show. Now everyone, I just want to reveal something. I want to peek back the slimy beef curtain of the show. You peek back? You peel back? You want to peel back the slimy beefy curtains?

I'm bringing sexy back. Paul did complain about how long the cold open was, but he only did it off mic, everyone. So why are you spending time now telling them what I told them off mic? Which I would suggest was therefore not to be used in the episode or mentioned. But often you do use and mention it. There are lots of things we shouldn't refer to when the recording button plays. Isn't that right Elias? I stare at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My piles. Yes. You're talking about my piles. Oh that's not fair. I was going to dance around them. were huge you could fucking hike up like Stonehenge dancing between the fucking Himalayas like yeah mountain range of arse grapes silverman's alps. I had I had hemorrhoids in Florida everyone the ouchie Alps Wow Yeah, yeah

When it tripped a Mountain, didn't you? Oh, man. Oh, I've had piles, mate. I sympathise. I'm not here to take the mickey really. I've never had. I've never had them to that extent. I didn't think they could get that bad. It was very bad. Yeah. But I still had a lovely time in Florida. Yeah, good.

And luckily, I was staying with my sister. Yeah. She's had experience. You get them when you... Does she want that revealed that she's had to do with arse-grape? She doesn't mind. I think you should ask her before we besmirch her good name on this podcast. She had them when she was pregnant. It happens to a lot of women. Yeah. Alright then, that old excuse. That's another reason not to get up off the couch.

She coached me through the whole of the medical process. She got those tucks. I was excited when I heard about tucks. She put the preparation H on. She had some medicated wipes that have witch hazel and they're very cooling. And did you know you get preparation H? I couldn't fucking find it in the CVS anyway. Because what section would hemorrhoidal treatment be? Yeah, good question. What aisle is? Maybe it turns out it's digest. Oh, you said it now. I just I was going to say, yeah, guts and health.

That's where it was. Tucks are medicated whites. And did you know Preparation X? Hey, some people buy X don't tell you about Preparation X. It's Elon Musk's new bumhole cream. And all the syretons. Yeah. It fucking yeah. It inflames your ass. Yeah. Until you, yeah, it inflames your arse.

Yeah. Until you fucking- Makes you whine like a little fucking baby. You fucking little bitch. Yeah, the preparation H, which is the- H. H. I'm playing X.

Which is the- Yeah. It tightens and reduces the swelling. Some people use it on their eyes for bags, yeah. That's right, yeah. Put it on your own bags, could you? Do you know it comes with a fucking internal use? Fucking noddle.

Yeah. So you can squeeze it up there. And did your sister coach you through that? These were external. I've had internal before and they weren't when they're outside the arse. They're rubbing against everything. You're sitting on them. It's terrible.

Anyway, I said I was going to mention this. And it's the only thing we've spoken about. It is for like a good three minutes. I'm 50. I have hemorrhoids. I know. Anyway, if you're wondering, they're all cleared up now. But Eli, just so everyone knows, is sitting on a cushion today which takes into account the delicate area upon which you sit. It has a gap, a vacuum in which the grapes can dangle. Unimpeded.

They can breathe. They can stretch their legs if they need to. Yawn. They don't have mouths. No, but you know, your bum is like a mouth in it. Yes, very much so. It's like when you get an ulcer on your mouth. That's what bum grapes are to your bumhole, I guess. No, no.

It's something like that, innit? It's similar, but it's not ulcers. I think you can actually just get ulcers on your arse. Yeah. And that'd be something else. That'd be terrible. you can actually just get ulcers on your arse. Yeah. And that'd be something else. That'd be terrible. They'd be weeping ulcers on your arse.

Weeping bumhole weepers. Please! Anyway, look, yes, Cheap Show. There's more coming up on the Flakkin Show this week. Let's tell people what the show is. Cheap Show is a podcast where me and Eli go to charity shops, power lines, et al, and bring back the treasure we find amongst the trash to read, to enjoy, to play, to eat, to sniff, to drink, whatever it is, we'll give it a good old British try here.

And sometimes he breaks stuff. Yeah. Not on purpose. Bum grapes. Oh. You can tuck him back in, you know. The point is you don't want to have to go and see the doctor out there, do you? No, it's costly.

Yeah. When I went for my bum grapes, the doctor just popped them back up the pipe. Did they do that? I thought they lanced them. Well, they did in the end with me, but they said, oh, I'll just tuck him back in like she was fixing a bed. You know what I mean? Tucks. I guess that's why they're called tucks. Oh, maybe. Because you really want to tuck that shit back in.

We should review them on the podcast, shouldn't we? They're great. A real cooling effect the witch hazel has. Like that kind of minty fresh tea tree kind of thing. It's like a mental effect. Yes. Witch hazel witch hazel has. It's like that kind of minty fresh tea tree kind of thing. It's like a menthol effect, yes. So you're like, ooo. Witch hazel, yeah. Oooo. Yes, and cooling.

Like a lip balm. And you make them into a, you can make them into a poultice. Basically. Well, you know what? I was going to bring up poultice. I was going to, did you go there with it? It could be a poultice because they're damp and you could, you could wadge them. Yeah, you could.

Right, and the gusset of your knickers. Right, basically. Right, anyway, that's Cheap Show and today today we were very retreated to some of the things Eli's brought back from the United States of America. So just a quick bit of admin. We're coming closer to releasing the album soon. Noizland and I have been chatting and things are coming together. And maybe by the end of April we'll have an official release ready to go.

Tickets are still on sale for the live show, but only if you're a patron until it goes on national sale in May. Events working on a special 10-year Cheap Show magazine which will be sold at the live show and with exclusive new Cheap Show 2025 pin badges. They'll be there on the day too. And we're going to be doing a live stream on YouTube to celebrate 10 years, sometime in June, July. And 450 is being pieced together based on the album's release. So there's lots to look forward to in the coming months on Cheap Show. And indeed on this episode. And on this episode.

Paul, I've got a little bespoke treat for you. Oh, I've, yeah. It's a Price of Shite US. Nice. You know what? When I went to LA last year, one of the little fun things I got to do was go shopping for thrifty stores for bringing back, you know? And I thought it was a bit of fun. But again, here's the question before we get into it. Was it expensive in Florida, the cherry shops? So it's just an LA thing. Stay cheap, yeah. Because they were disgusting prices, I thought. No, it's very much still cheap in Florida. Anyway, that's where he's been

Oh, I want to show you that yeah, I think was it Gary if it's wrong I apologize, but Gary sent some pins and stickers and it was a slimer one and I don't want this slimer one Oh, where's the slimer one? Show me the slimer. Oh, I like that. I'll wear that home. Yeah You can have that. That's good. There you go. You won't think less of me because you don't like slimer. No, I think it's quite Well quite well enameled. No, it's a fine pin. It's just that when it comes to Ghostbusters pin badges, at the bottom of the list of things I want are Slimer based stuff. Followed by Marshmallow Man and then after that I like all the logos. Did you see? Beast Guy, I posted a thing about

a badge I found on eBay that was a little enamel pin badge, right, a little rectangle, and had the Ghostbusters logo in the middle, and then the Coca-Cola, the Diet Coca-Cola. And it's like being sold for like $95. Must have been a promotional item maybe in a cinema foyer. Yeah, obviously, but I don't think it's worth 90 fucking quid for that. It's rare. It's the rarity, mate. Yeah, true, but again, will he ever sell it?

I don't know. Even if I wanted it, say it was a splash out as a birthday treat, what then puts me off is the fact that postage and packing is like 46 quid. I'm like, ah, so I'm not doing it. This badge that he's given me everybody is Slimer, a light hued Slimer. I've seen him darker hued. It's a lime green Slimer. He's holding a big drippy New York slice. Big dirty pizza slice. Which is, I. Which I like that they're actually using the right kind of pizza that he'd be having because they are in New York, aren't they? And that's the way they have pizza in New York, it's one big slice. Do you care for that?

I like that. And he's eating pizza and it says on the bottom, underneath his belly, junk food lover. Now that's the element I'd remove. Is that really why you didn't like it very much? Well, to be fair, I just don't like the design of slime. I'd remove. That's why I agree. Is that really why you didn't like it very much? Well, to be fair, I just don't like the design of Slime Eye. I never have. That's the real Ghostbuster design, so it's more akin to the comic books than the film. But please give it a good home. I will. I'll give you a pin badge back to it in a minute. There's one just floating about. There's one. There's several. Oh no, that whole fucking magic lantern. You've got a whole magic

lantern full of pin badge backers. The plastic ones. Remember that? The plastic ones are better. Yeah. Do you find them more secure? Yeah, the rubbery thing keeps them connected. I mean, you're not a wearer of badges. I'm a wearer. I've got a few on me. I've got me Ghostbusters logo thing on my thing. On your bag. You can put them on the bag. What you want to do is get one of those Disney World ticket laminated lanyards, then your proper Disney adult and have them all up there

and then walk around. No, I get worried that I'm going to lose them. I already lost one good Ghostbusters badge years ago that broke my heart and I was like, oh, because I used to wear it on my little lapel. I'm not doing it. It's a risk you run and it does irk when a favoured badge breaks. They can break quite a lot. The pin breaks off and then you're never going to get it mend it are you?

Never going to get it. Never. I could, but I'm not going to take it down to him. I don't like the look of him anyway. Who? The little man who runs the store. What's wrong with him? He has a funny look.

I don't like you attacking people who work in shops. He has a funny look and he cuts your keys, right? But when he does it he just stares at you the whole time. It's just weird. I went to get a front door key made for the new front door. I went, can you do this get a front door key made for the new front door. Oh yeah. Can you do this? The front door key made for the new front door. Yeah. Because the old front door key wouldn't work on the new front door. Well, if you can replace the whole front door, it came with the key. The lock and key comes with it. It only came with one key, so I had to take

myself down to the one key key. It was a wonky key on the old front door. On the old front door. on the old front door, walkie-alkie on the old front door, put it on the back of the door, then it'll be up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, put it on the key in the car, are you fucking joking? So I took it- I'm in a fucking lark. So I took it to him, old Mr. Bertram, in his little spoof near the station. Oh, Bertram, is he? Yeah.

Don't say that name to me. Mr. Bertram in the booth. Don't say that name to me. You go in and you're handing the key and it takes too long to take it out of your hand. You know what I mean? He strokes your palm. He kind of just does this. He strokes it down. And he stares at you. He's a hand freak. Yeah. He's a hand freak. And all you hear... That's the sound he makes before he starts putting the key. Come on. Yeah, thank you. Fuck this. That did not work. Well, you laughed. It was just so thick.

You laughed. And I'm sure one or two people listening at home laughed too. Well, if you did, I hope it brought a sparkle to your day. Who else could fucking predict that was the joke you were going to make? Anyway, I knocked him off. I beat him up. Oh, you knocked him off? Yeah, yeah. I got a key made and I fobbed him off. I bet. It was alright. You flub on, fob off. Flub on, fob off. With a job on.

I'm getting fucking jobby on! I've got my job on with the job gone, then I've got a fob off on me flub off. I've fluffed it right up! Right, shut up! Oh, cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap

cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep Maybe about my trip to America, not this silly... All I thought was do a train sound effect, which is part of the course. You were going to be the driver. I wasn't. You're the one who gave the driver a name. Yes, Johnny Dirty Jimmy Dirty. I'm not doing that. Dirty Johnny Jimmy Dirty is just an awful name. It gives me nothing to go on. Well, there's one pertinent fact about him. He's dirty. Yeah, he's a dirty.

But it's all coal from the train because he shuffles it in. It's a steam train with electric doors. Yeah. No, it's not. It's an old steamer and he's shoveling coal in. But what is that? He's got muck upon his hands. What's that?

That was the steam coming out of the side of the engine. And that's the steam coming out of this bit. The top of my rosy crown. Oh dear. My purple rosy crown. Oh dear. My purple rose and grant. Yeah. My rose and crowns and dirty bits are dead. Stop. Well, because this is dissembling into my rosy crown and dirty bits and dead. My dirty grown up. I'm sorry. You went too far. You had to apologize. All right. When I go to Florida, where a good portion of my family's portion...

I'll give you a good portion of your family. A lot of my family live there. Yeah. I go most years. Yes. And I always love the food out there. Of course you do. Okay. Now, certain things I want to say.

What? People always ask me, what's the pickle situation in America? Yeah, they do, you're right. What's going on with pickles in America? What is? Because they do, you're right. What's going on with pickles in America? What is? Because they lead the world. Even more than the birth home place. Good stuff.

The birthplace of your home. Of Gerkind pickles, pickled gerkinds is Germany. Okay, I thought you were going to say America then. But America leads the world in it in terms of- Pickle. Pickle, just making great pickles. Something to be proud of. Make pickle great again. There is one brand which makes a type of pickle that you used to be able to get in Jewish areas of London, which is a half sour or fresh. So it's not quite fully pickled. It has some of that elements

of a fresh cucumber, but has some of the vinegary niceness of a pickled cucumber as well. What are we talking about again? Pickles. Right. And honestly, there's often a bit of garlic in there, in the mix, which gives it a lovely zing. Why are we talking about pickles? There's a company in America called Grillo's.

Right. Grillo's Pickles, everyone. Right. They're still going fucking strong. And you like them? There's Bubbies. I went to- Have we not done it on the podcast, any of those? We never have Grillo's on the podcast because they don't sell them over here.

They've got the snap of the skin yeah you know mm-hmm so they did that with the lovely half sour and they do dill ones they do different flavors now because they're fucking great pickles the other one's bubbies yeah yeah bubbies are disappearing from the supermarkets out there now oh no it's hard to find bubbies they did um what they call bread and butter chips which are those disc. Gammons chewing out. Disc like pieces of pickle. Or your Gammons chewing out mate. But we did. I found one fridge. He's off. Grillo's and. He's gone. He's gone. Grillo's and Bubbies. Anyway, so I had that. I also enjoyed out there Paul. Now this is much more on Cheap Shows wavelength. Am I engaging again? Alright

okay. I'll try. Microwavable White Castle. Ooh. Eww. They're great. Like those, what are those things? No, what are those bloody things that they have in this country where you stick into microwave burgers like?

Rustlers. Rustlers, yeah, is it like that? It's much, much better in every way. I can't. Two to a pack. Burger, microwave burger meals just instantly are like no. Mate, you have not tried microwave white castles. Oh, well.

You have not. And I've refused to accept that until you've tried one of these. Well, how am I going to do that then? They're filth. We've got to get some over here. How are we going to do it? I should have taken some in my bag. You should have.

Why didn't you do that? I didn't think to. You betrayed the podcast. You offer up great content and you snatch it away. They did have them here in Asda a few years ago, but they were discontinued. I don't know why because they're great. All right, I don't think they would have been the same thing. No, they would have been because it's just the branded frozen food.

Right, what have you got for us? Gannon wants nomas. Anyway, I picked up some stuff. We're coming up on some of our Patreon stuff. We're going to be doing this in the Patreons. Things to taste. If you want to follow us on Patreon, you'll hear the other snacks Eli's brought back from the United States. But I picked up one thing and I would appreciate if you just did a quick web search here, Paul, for seven layer dip. That is the flavor of the Pringles that we will be tasting right now. Right, doing it.

It looks to be some kind of Mexican dip with refried beans, avocado, olives. I've seen olive bits. I see them as well. Yeah. Right, here we go. What does it say? A seven layer dip, according to the Wikipedia page, is an American appetizer based on ingredients typically served in a Tex-Mex meal. It's a Tex-Mex dip. The first widely published recipe in 1981 from Family Circle magazine called it the Tex-Mex Dip without reference to any layers. The dish was popular in Texas for some time before the recipe first appeared in print. How?

Wait, I have more information. The dish typically includes refried beans, guacamole, sour cream. Sour cream, I'm loving this. It says here salsa verde, but it could also be pico de gallo or salsa roja. Which is just green salsa, red salsa or that pico de gallo which is like salsa. I don't know what the difference is. Or chopped tomato, it says here. Yeah, all very much in the similar vein.

Grated cheese could be Monterey, could be cheddar, could be a queso asentero. Which is the more Mexican one. Okay, and then queso chihuahua. That's a dog. That's what it says here. Dog cheese. They put one. Okay, and then Quezo Chihuahua? That's a dog. That's what it says here. Dog cheese. They put dog cheese in. That says Quezo Chihuahua. I will not support the milking of dogs. I will. Stop doing the wanky thing. Oh, making some Chihuahua milk right now.

Thumb and forefinger. Wiki Wiki Wiki Wild West. Anyway. It is the Wild West that's a Texas. Sex with a Chihuahua? Oh dear. I wanna sex that pup. Did you do that? Yeah, it was good for you. I just came up with that.

And then I did that. I wanna sex that pup. Black olives. That wasn't Chihuahua. No, I can't do Chihuahua. No, just make it squeaky. Get in my handbag. And then the seventh. This is weird. That wasn't a chihuahua. No, I can't do chihuahuas. No, just make it with tortilla. How does that sound to you as a dish that you might or might not eat, Paul?

I'd like that. It just looks like a little salad. I'd love that. You know what I mean? I love it. And then slap it on a taco or whatever. It's this funny Erzats American version of a Mexican dish that never existed sort of thing. Yeah. Which is like Taco Bell, which is like this.

Well, Tex-Mex. There you go. So, pop the lid and let's hopefully pop until we don't stop. Funny enough on the site says nothing half full about this can and I think they're trying to have a go at their competitors there like Tarkies. Perhaps people are complaining that perhaps they've got a lot of complaints that it's all tube and no crisp. Yeah. You want it right to the top don't you? They could just manipulate the amount in there and do for their bottom line, couldn't they? Yeah. What?

Because I'm thinking when it's empty, I could put my chopper in and fill it up again. You could put your chopper in and fill it up with what? And then have my chopper, have my chopper. Half your chopper? Yeah, just put it on the side. Nothing awful about this can of my penis. Yeah, I'm opening this. I'm sick of your knob.

You're not. Right, I'm going to do the sniff, snap, snap. It's time for the haul. Concealed with his nice little face there. Face, man, yeah. That's a nice little can. It's a nice little can. It's pringled. Is it a can or tube, would you call it?

Because it's made of cardboard. You could say either, I reckon. I wouldn't call it a can, really. That's metal elements. Yeah, I wouldn't say you'd be wrong to call it a can of, but I would call it a tube. At best, a tin. It's funny how we've got cans, we've got jars, nowhere you are with that. This is a weird in between hybrid thing that no one's really given a proper name to. I'm going to sniff

it. I'll sniff the end of the tube. Come on. Oh, what have you got? What flavours are you getting? What were those, that brand of fucking Mexican meal kits? Oh yeah, like El Paso. El Paso taco powder. Let's have a huff. Tell me it's not. Time for the jostle hoof. It's jostling.

Jostling hoof. Hello. Oh, yeah. It does smell like a buffet tray kind of thing. I'm going to take a few while. I should say on the illustration of the dip that it has on the cover, does look like they've got a ground beef layer. Yeah. And a sour cream. I just wonder how many of these flavors are going to come through when you get into it. I mean, I doubt you're going to get seven notes. No.. Do you know I mean, let's find out. Let's see

That had more interest than I thought it was gonna have has a nice zesty high note with it that plays well quite salty I'm almost getting an avocado flavor. No, there's definitely guacamole in there. That's crazy how they do that I don't know if it hits all seven, but it really does. There's a bit of ground beef in there. Yeah. You can definitely taste the salsa and the kind of lighter herby notes. That's impressive. I have to say that's really good. It's a little sweet at the end, but that's the worst thing I can say about it. That's a really kind of refreshing flavor. I don't know about the olives. Maybe. I don't know. No. It's hard. They're a weird note to kind of pull up from that. They are, but it is a very... Oh, that cheesy thing is what's sweet at the end, I've just realised.

Sweet cheese. Yeah. A kind of cheddar-y aftertaste. I think that's an impressive... It is! Impressive flavours. That's a good one. And much better on the tongue and palate than on the nose. That's just true when it comes to sucking my chobber.

Yeah, you're fucking chobber. Please don't call it that. I'm gonna call it chobber. What's wrong with it? What's wrong with the old Chobber? It's a terrible word. Yeah, but all words for penis are terrible when you think about it. That's not true. Wang, knob. I like Wang. I like both of those more than Chobber. Cock has a certain violent edge to it which I don't really appreciate.

You know when you say, look at my cock, it's kind of really aggressive. Yeah. So what I'm doing is I'm getting the falsefulness of cock, but I'm giving a little bit of softness as well with the job You're softening the hard fricative. Yeah, so it's implies a meaty girth. It kind of does but also implies a like malformed Like it looks like a knick-knack. No, like it's floppy. Are you saying my dick looks like a meaty knick-knack? Is that what you're saying? I pull out my chobber and it's like what have you got in your hand? Like a branch from a tree? Like a nice, like a small bonsai? Can you stop? No one wants this. Oh, my chobber. Stop doing

that! Is it a kids show where you put your cock in a machine? Chobber block? Is it something like that? What about that? What about it? It's a kids show where everyone tells stories about my penis called chopper nori It's a game show where you got to correct penises from puzzles, it's called the chopper maze What about I don't know every chopper counts? What about name that chopper? What about Bob's full chopper? No Chopper the mr. Choppersper. Green chopper. The Mr. Chopper. Mr. and Mrs. Chopper. Rain chopper. Chopper Nori. It's the best one. Or Chob's full house. Or Bob's full chopper. No, that's not for kids. No, I'm just throwing it at anything. Blind chopper. Tales of the Chopper Nori. Yeah, Yeah news it chopper. Can you stop saying it?

Please who wants to be a chopper nation chopper the weakest chopper Instead of minder chopper, it's just chopper that is not just chopper. That's just Chobber then isn't it? Not just Chobber, that's just Henry. Just Chobber. Or whatever. Yeah. No, that's just sorry Chobber. Sorry Chobber. Um, birds of a Chobber. Hello Chobber. Or Chobber Chobber. Heidi Chobber. Are you being Chobbered? Dad's Chobber. I can't keep doing this. I've got dizzy! Twilight Chopper! The Chopper Factor! The A Chopper! Night Chopper! Thunder Chopper!

Oh God! Okay calm down Paul, just press the stop button. Top of the Chopper! Chop of the Pops! Just fucking you've told me! I'm stopping it! Don't! the pops just fucking you don't we're not doing the thing shit no no no no no no no no bear with me no please stop doing that please. Paul, before you go on. Okay. Stop. Please stop doing that. He ran out of breath. Paul. Stop.

It's the fucking price of shies. No, no. Paul. What? Why isn't this allowed to be? There's one very important piece of business that you've completely failed to include in the last segment of the show. What? Scoring? Yes. Four out of five.

I'd say four out of five as well. I enjoyed them. I would not stop the pop if I could. Right. Continue to pop. No, it's not though, because this is an American one, which I'm doing. And instead of the price of shite, shite is a very British word. Yeah. We are playing today. Different version. We are playing. We British word. Yeah. We are playing today. Different version. We are playing.

We are playing. Yeah. Ah, fuck you. You put the H in the wrong places today. Put the preparation H on my arse. Right on your arse. I wonder why it's called preparation H. You know why?

Right. Hemorrhoids. Preparation hemorrhoids. We don't say hemorrhoids in public. No. We say H. We say. Oh, my H's are stinging.

Farmer's apples. Yes. Yes. Come on. Do it then. We say... Oh my H's are stinging. Farmer's apples. Yes. Yes. Come on, do it then. So what is the word? It is the cost of crud.

What do you mean, yeah? Fuck you! It's my cost of crud and instead of betwings... Does people in America really use the word crud? Yeah. I don't really hear it a lot apart from movies that don't count. Crud is more of an American word for shite. What about the cost of crap? What's wrong with that?

Okay, fine. Just crud sounds kind of like neutered. Rubbish. You're shit. Get away. This is, I mean, I'm prepared. Hey, crap's going to be easier to rhyme with as well. Crud. Crud. No, crap. It's the cost of crud, the cost of of crud the cost of crud. Oh my lord That's my little jingle

No, you have to do a bit. Yes, you do the milad bit. Yeah. What did you say? Oh my lord? Yeah, or whatever you think that rhymes with crud. Okay, so I'll do that Okay, it's the cost of crud the cost of crud the the fucking cost of crowd. I've got stool in blood Yeah, no, I like it. Come on. Get it right. I got stool in my blood the blood in my well Then I can't rhyme it so I've done it wrong Do it again cost the crud a car It's a cost of crowd the cost of crowd cost of crowd is the fucking cost of crowd and it gives me wood and that's right It gives me charber wood.

And that's right. Okay. Right. So there are six items you say. There are six items and because these will be, I'm looking for prices, Paul. Yeah. And I'm looking for prices. In dollars. In dollars. US dollars.

I'm just going to put the dollar sign here so I know. And instead of petwings, in the normal version of this game show everybody that we play here on the Chief Show. I don't like all these changes to appeal to an American market. They're called petwings but there's a little tweak on that Paul. These are petwings! Yeah I thought it was going to be a petwang. It sounded like a petwang. It's like yeehaw! Petwang petwang! Yes. It's like a gun shoe. Indeed. Oh no not a gun shoe. A cowboy. A cowboy. Walking into a saloon. And when he hits the target, the target's made of tin and it goes... Ptwang! Thank you.

...Oy spits in a spittoon. It goes... Ptwang! Yes, yeah. I get it. So you can imagine whatever you like. A big wad of chewed up tobacco juice or a bullet hitting a lawman's badge. Yes.

Or a sheriff's badge. In a showdown. Or a rusty sheriff's badge. In a showdown in the high noon yes at high noon i've got six items we're not gonna have wow go on we're not gonna have the quids gambit this week not what the what what what what about the dollar dollar discount no item no item no item was one deal no item was one dollar can we now organize though for future reference if we ever do get a dollared item, we call

it the dollar deal. We can do that. Or the dollar dilemma. The dollar dilemma is better. But also we need a name for when there was an item that did not cost anything. Zero. Because one of these did cost zero. It was a gift. Right. The gift grift. I've got to guess which one of these has been the gifted item. The zero sum item. The zero sum game. What about, uh, zero sum game. That's good, isn't it? Like snake eyes. You know, it's like that kind of thing.

No, snake eyes is two. Oh yeah. Which is a lot more than zero. No eyes. What's got no eyes? A blind man. Someone who's had their eyes shot out. Blind man's buff. Let's call it zero sum game. Oh, it's really boring. It's really corporate sounding. Well, why don't we call it uh, blind man's ducky. The blind ducky. The sleeping cyclops. See that? Yeah. That's all I've got. Right. Six items. Right. What do you want to start with? Now I need to, I need to also ask a question that if I don't, I'll only be dragged over the coals for it. So it's $1, but if I $1.25, that's still countable. That's right.

We're going to play the points. So you guess the price within 25 cents. Either way, the actual price higher or lower. You'll get a petwang. Um, two petwangs for it being spot on. On the nose. There is no dollar dilemma. That's out.

But there is a zero sum game. So one of these was a zero. Zero. I paid no dollar dilemma. That's out. But there is a zero sum game. So one of these was a zero. Zero. I paid no money for. Whoa, you know what else has no, like zero, like max. So maybe call them an item max because it's lacking sugar. You know what I mean? It's like item. Price to site max. Yeah, an item max. I'm going to hand you the first item today. And I've just made doubly sure that the price is not on this. Yes. But this was bought as new in a Goodwill store. Oh this is nice this looks like a Yeti mug. It is. Oh it is a Yeti mug on the bottom. So this is a quality item then. Now it's a nice big sturdy like tumbler mug shape. It's been

modified you can see. It has in what respect. Well it's just the design. Oh yeah because it's similar to the Mai one but this seems bigger. It's bigger. Is that a joint or is that a cannon? Because it says come and get it and there's a cannon. There's a cannon. Is it my Chobber? Because it come and get it, there's an image of my Chobber on this. Chobber and a star. Chobber. Stop saying that. The Sunshine State. It's a tourist item. Florida. For Florida. So that must be something to do with the military history of Florida. It is the Sunshine State. It's a nice big mug. Very good.

Have you used this already? I have. Yeah, I can see. And it's nice and sealed. I've washed it out before I brought it over. No, no, fair enough. This is a nice little thing. They are thermal coffee, if you haven't come across Yetis before everyone, they are metal

thermal coffee mugs with a really neat vacuum, rubber vacuum seal. Keeps them nice and hot. But you can easily get the lid off and also it's the magnetized drink slider, drink hole slider that really makes it much more hardy because it does nothing to break. Do you see what I mean? But it doesn't make it watertight so you can't put this in your bag. It's not really a travel thing, it's more about keeping it warm in the home sort of thing. and easier to clean. But it doesn't make it watertight so you can't put this in your bag. It's not really a travel thing, it's more about keeping it warm in the home sort of thing.

Office or maybe if you have a picnic and you pour a hot drink out and it's there. Or cold. Yeah, or cold. Or keep it cold for longer. I love the build quality. I love the build quality. I mean, yeah, I love yeti stuff. It's a really chunky thing.

It's like when I splashed out of that mug, you know, I like it. What else do they make? They're not the same that made the mics, the terrible podcaster mics. No, no, no, no, no, the company's called Blue, the microphone's called Yeti. I like this, it's a nice kind of almost almost cobalt blue, not quite with nice silver etching style on, and I like it, but how much am I going to save for this? It must have been sold in like a tourist destination in Florida. Or maybe like a military kind of museum. There's a lot of that stuff, military museums. In fact, my niece, when I was out there, went to a place called Peanut Island, which had JFK's- That's when girls go to bed with you in it. They call it,

I want to go to Peanut Island tonight, aren't I? Why do they keep coming back then? Why have they got a nickname for it? Because they're fond of it. Because it's got a nice big coconut tree on it. Yeah. JFK's bunker is on Peanut Island. Yeah. There's lots of sort of hidden things like in Florida that people don't know about, but there's the whole Spanish monastery that William Randolph Hearst packed up from Spain, brought over, and then it's sitting in boxes for 20 years, and then they built it and stuff like that. You know know lots of follies. Pre-fab history. So I bet this was at a military sort of museum gift

shop this from. Quick thing, this says pattern pending still on Yeti components which suggests this is an earlier model. Maybe, well it was in a second, I bought it second hand but it was new, you see you can tell it was unused. Designed in Texas but made in China. Anyway, can I ask what kind of charity shop you got this from? Is it from a Goodwill store? Are they all from the same place? No. Okay. This was from a Goodwill store.

Can I- oh! That was the other issue I want to bring up. What's the fucking roof? Where's the ceiling here? What's the window? Oh. What's the aperture here? Come on.

Oh. Give me a rough one so I know where I'm going to. So like, you know. Well, six items and it didn't come to more than... Aperture here. Come on. Give me a rough one so I know where I'm going to. So like, you know. Well, six items and it didn't come to more than... Like 13 bucks for the whole lot. I'm going to say that mug... How much do you think they go new?

Oh, they're like 30 quid. 30 dollars or so. So that was a good find. Yeah, that is a great find. That's what I'm saying. I didn't think it was going to be a real yeti. I thought it was going to be a knockoff. No, it's a real metal. I'm going to say three dollars for that. OK, you can come back to any of these. And I will. I'm just going to put yeti and then the size of the charity shops out there.

And this was one of the best goodwill's I've ever seen. Right. Item number three. Are you ready? 399, I said, because I forgot to press record. All right, let's quickly do it. We're going to hand it to you. This is item three. Hasbro's, Hasbro's ultimate catchphrase. This is an electronic quiz toy in the form of a flying disc which you throw. Yes. Also,

my sister has male siblings. Hasbro? Does sister Hasbro? Yes. Do you know what I thought you were going to say? What? My sister has venereal disease. Does sister Hasbro? Do you know what I thought you were going to say? What? My sister has venereal disease. No, why would I say that? That's horrible. Scabs. What? You leave my sister alone. No! Oh!

They've cleaned up. Ultimate catchphrase this is, it's a Hasbro electronic game toy. And it seems to be, if you don't mind me saying so for a frisbee, very hard plastic. It hasn't got any flexibility like you'd think a frisbee. Because they've had to house the electronic game component. I know, which is odd. So it says on the back that- It looks like it might be quite aerodynamic.

I'm sure it'll work. It's got holes in for aerodynamics. Yeah, an airflow. But usually you don't see a frisbee made out of this kind of hard plastic stuff. I agree, yes. Just an observation, mate. Fine.

So this is a game where apparently you throw the frisbee to someone, they catch it, there's a little LCD screen on the front, which I presume then gives you the catchphrase to guess. On the back it says, like hot dogs, only small. And then you have to say, I don't know, cocktail weenies. And then when you get it right, I guess you press a button, then throw it to the next person and repeat. Oh, I see you, you have to get it right before you throw it back or something. So you throw it to me and it says uh um something you sit on or something that comes out of your bum and you go oh a stool you know and then you pass it then

you throw it to the next there's an example isn't it that's what I'm saying fine just saying yeah and you throw it to the next person they get it it and it says, uh, uh, male genital area. Yes, chopper, chopper, chopper, chopper. You've got to throw, ultimate chop phrase. Throbber. Catch chopper. It really caught my eye, something that might work on an episode of Cheap Show, Paul. Oh yeah, because we could do it maybe next week, maybe.

Maybe if the weather's good, we're going to be out and about. It's called ultimate catchphrase because of the frisbee based sport. Yes. Ultimate Frisbee. Frisbee. So it's a nice thing, but I don't know how to value it. Now I'm going to go ahead and say, I've already said, because we recorded it and I've got to do it again. I just, I should repeat as well, Paul. Some of these in America have the 99p endings on these prices. They still quite, still seem quite fond of that in the goodwill and stuff. And that's why I've said this is £3.99. I think it's slightly more expensive. Well,

I actually have a theory. I actually think maybe that is the free item, but we're going to go back once I've seen all of them. One of these is the zero sum game. Yeah, the negative Nelly. That's not negative. Negative is below zero. And also, it'd be funny if it was a frisbee freebie. Zero is a negative. You have to be below zero to be negative. No, negative is zero, isn't it? That's why people say negative. Zero. No. Yeah. Minus one is negative. One is a number and zero is negative. It's not negative. No, it's not. Zero is not a number. Zero is not a number. Like saying a space bar is a letter. It's not, is it? It's a number.

On the, right, on the, imagine the number line. We've got ten, nine, eight, seven, six. Zero means nothing. Do you agree with me that zero means nothing? And it represents... It's a number. It's just a fold. It's a number. Six, five, four, three, two, one. There you go. Then that's it. No one go- when people count- And then what comes in between one and

mine is one. Yeah, but no one wins a race. They don't go, ready, set, zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, do they? No, they don't, you're right. It's not a counting number, but it's a number. It's not a number, it's not welcome round here as well. If this fucking zero comes up to my door... It's not negative though. Can we just agree it's not negative? It is a negative, it's below one, which means it's not a number. It's negative, it is. It's not negative.

You have to get below zero. You're negative. You are a negative math. You're wrong, everyone knows you're wrong. You're below one. Everyone who's got even a basic knowledge of math is thinking you're a dick. No, no, that's not true, because everyone agrees with me. Everyone knows that zero is not a number. Just isn't.

But what about the thing that zero is a negative number? It is. Are you saying that? Yeah, get me down. It's fucking depressing. You can fight me all the way to the courts. I'm not going to change my mind. Such an idiot.

Huge idiot. You've got chopper for brains. Oh, what's this? Here's item number three. It's a little thing. It is a little ceramic pot, but its design is unique in that its design is to look like a little pill box for medication. It says prescription shot, Oregon, take as directed by physician, expires Monday morning,

suggesting this is a shot glass. It is a shot glass. Drinking, uh, Rx intoxicating, doctor call me a cab. Re-fills. Yes. And then on the side, I like all the details. And warning may cause double vision. Oh, this is, I know this is like the definition of a price of shite item, but this is the kind of one that warms my heart. It's cool. I like it. Yeah. It's got a cheeky chug. Obviously these are meant to be glass in real life. Well, you can have it, Paul, if you like. Put it on your shelf. No, I don't know. We've got so much shit in this house. What's interesting to me though is that it is a ceramic shot glass. Ceramic. Which is not common. Because they could have made this glass looking like a pill box, like a prescription box. I wonder why they went for that. Cheaper, I'd imagine. Yeah, it's an opaque ceramic that it's made of.

It's like orange colored, kind of like that brown glass for pillbox. You know what they could probably do? Make loads of these and then use different state names and different... Yeah. Do you see what I mean? Yeah. It's Tourist Hat from Oregon. I wonder what it's doing down in Florida. But yes. Oh yeah, I hadn't even thought about that. RX, which, and they've got a little symbol RX, intoxicating. I mean, that must be something you buy in a tourist shop. That's right. Or maybe it's a bar in Oregon. So I think it would be more like a tourist shop.

Dr. Call me a cab. Yeah, they might have effort that wasn't put into that is actually quite impressive because it's not even a name in America called Call Me. It's like not a guy called Call Me is the call. You could say call call me a cab. But what does that mean? I'm so pissed. Yeah, I can't a guy called Call Me, is there? Cal, you could say Cal. Call me a cab. But what does that mean? I'm so pissed that I need to. Yeah, I can't drive.

You know, which is great. At least they put that message on the bottle. Anyway, I need a price. 99 cents. What should I call it? Shot glass, I just put shot. 99 cents, which is denoted in my drawings as a C with a little line crossed through it.

Which I believe is the universal sign for cents. Right, item number... Four. Four. Oh, it's a is the universal sign for sense. Right. Item number four. Oh, still got the another price item. And I'm just got to take the sticker off. Right. Come on, come on. Get the sticker off. Get that sticker off for the lads. The sticker is off basically. Go on. Woo woo. Take it off.

Now this was from Walmart. Oh, you went to a Walmart. And the price and the tells from the shop floor will be telling at the end of the year. It's related to it. It's also from not the same Walmart, but another Walmart. It's a tiny micro toy set and it is mini Barbie land. And look how tiny they all are though. It's a very tiny little Barbie, uh, figure S and there's a tiny kitty.

And it looks like a tiny like aquarium or something. It's cool. It's like a pet shop. I think it's like a pet shop. Is it a pet shop? Mint on card. I think this is like a little mini toy pet shop. And yeah, so there's like a little cat in a box and a till. Well, it wasn't a very popular item because they put it on clearance. Yeah, they did. I don't know. It's very tiny. It's like a poly pocket esque. Yes, it's Barbie branded. Yeah. I mean, kids are into all the tiny stuff these days. They are, aren't they? There's been a real move that way. In our age, things are fucking huge. Like if you wanted something special, it was a huge thing.

The bigger it was, the better. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas now kids like everything you can stick in, like a pencil case. It appeals to me that the scale of this. Yeah. I'm going to put them on my shelves. Nah.

And open it up. See, I have a theory, judging by the information I've been given so far, in that I'm painting a picture in my head. You said Walmart, right? You wouldn't buy this from Walmart, not if it was just on sale. So maybe someone you were with at Walmart bought it for you and said, there you go, you can have that Mr. Eli. Oh, that's a nice image out of my head of you having a lovely time out with family.

It was with family, but I bought it for myself. Oh, okay. So you did buy that. Well, there you go. that's a bit more revealing. I've buried my way through some of the cloudy facts. Now what do you think that would be if it wasn't on clearance, it was reduced for clearance? Surprisingly expensive, I'd say that's $10 or more I'd say. Okay and now so what do you think I paid? I'm gonna say like $2. Okay. Yeah, it'd be $1.99. Okay well you can look at these guesses again at the end of the game. Yeah. All right. I'm not feeling confident today, I'll be honest with you.

We've got two more items, Paul. Yeah, come on, love. This is an item of clothing. Oh, a bit of an abadashire. So I'll model it for you, okay? Oh, nice. Oh, it's a hat. It's a baseball hat.

And it says Bass Pro Shops. And it's a nice hat. It's got a yellow logo with a Bass Cop fish thing on the side. Mouth agape. Have you heard of these shops? Yeah. Why have you heard of them recently? Well, I've heard of them because they sell shit there these days. And if you go in, there's usually like an aisle of mad crazy shit you don't need that you can buy there. Right. So a lot of YouTube channels that I watch buy shit from there because it's all weird gadgets and toys and fishing stuff. But you're about to tell me they probably killed a child recently or something. Wasn't there someone who they got in a tank, fish tank in one or something

recently? This is all brand new information. I think it was like a news story when someone went mad in a base pro. Just put base pro shop incident last year or something. The Base Pro shop incident. I mean honestly I'm sure some bloke got naked or something in there and tried to get in a tank or something. Hang on give me another check. Oh no wait here we go. Man who cannonballed into Base Pro shop Leeds aquarium was on drugs. There you go. Damaged SUV. It was in this country. I think.

Well, it says leads, but there could be a leads in America. I'm not on that. Must be. 42 year old man jumped naked into a massive aquarium at the base pro shop in leads. It was obvious from his behavior and his admission that he'd been taking drugs, that we must continue to remind the public of the dangers of association of their use. Yes. In America place called leads. And it just says maybe he was mentally ill. drugs that we must continue to remind the public of the dangers of association of their use."

Yeah, this is in America, a place called Leeds. And it just says maybe he was mentally ill. Yeah. He was very loud and yelling obscene comments towards officers and others inside the store. He was jumping in and out of a large fish tank. Nice. He was doing cannonballs and diving in and out. Wow.

And then it was Owens who plunged from the aquarium to the concrete floor below knocking himself unconscious. So he jumped out and missed one time. There was a photo of him lying prone on the floor. Yeah, there's one here where he's spread eagle. Oh no, it's not actually, it's two policemen. Sorry, I thought it was that. Owens said Owens then rolled over and kicked one of the officers in the groin. I'm glad I didn't totally misremember that, but they've got a sort of reputation for being rednecky

as well and sort of, yeah. So how much was this? Cause I did visit the keys. Yeah, this is the one you were given. This is the present. I'm going to go with that. That's the zero sum game. Yeah, I'm going to go with that.

That's my guess. You can revise all these. And then one more, got last one love. It that. That's my guess. You can revise all these. And then one more. Last one love. It's a nice little baseball hat. You suit baseball hats. I don't, I don't suit any hats. Okay.

You have a trucker aesthetic at times that suits that you suit. I know, but it's all a bit 10 years ago. That sort of hipster. Yeah, but it's not like you can't pull that off. So I'm not like saying you should wear it. Okay. It's almost like posing as a, as a hillbilly for the sort of ironic. It's all a bit. So yeah, but then you open your mouth and talk and no one's going to think that. wear it. Okay. It's almost like posing as a as a hillbilly for the sort of ironic. It's all a bit. Yeah, but then you open your mouth and talk and no one's going to think

that. So it's fine. Oh, it's the last item. Eli likes his clocks everyone. Now, Paul, this item wasn't from a charity shop. It was from one of those Amazon return stores. Oh, those fucking places. Where you get boxes and you bring the box up to the desk and the lady opens the box for you and asks you whether you want it or not. And if you don't, she keeps it there. If you do, she reseals the box, puts a sticker on and you take it up to the cashier. It's mad, isn't it? Because you are buying basically shit, unwanted shit that's been returned.

But it's good if you're after certain items at a good price. And the way they operate these... But it is a crap shoot though. It's like a lucky bag. Yeah, but you don't have to buy the item, do you see what I mean? They open them for you, you have a look. So then what happens if you don't want it? They just keep it there.

Oh okay, but then they wrap it up again? They reseal it for you and you take it to the cashier. Why the game? Why the mystery? I don't know, no you get to see it. I know but why reseal it again? Why not just put it on a shelf and say oh it's a fucking cloth. Because it's over the other side of the store, you carry it over. I mean it's nice, it's a little, is it hexagon? One, two, three, shelf and say, oh, there's a fucking clock. Because it's over the other side of the store, you carry it over. I mean, it's nice. It's a little, is it hexagon? One, two, three, four, five, six, octagon.

Octagon. It's octagon shaped wooden, faux wooden clock. Stop reaching for it. I've not explored it yet. You grabby little bastard. Has it got a battery in? I don't know, but I've set the time. I've set the time. Yeah, it has no battery in. I'm going to get one in there. It's an alarm. I don't know if we can make the alarm happen. No, you can't because you need the time. I've set the time. Yeah, it has no battery. I'm gonna get one in there. It's an alarm. I don't know if we can make the alarm. No, you can't. No battery. But it's nice. It would look good on your shelf along with your other 700 clocks. I've got a bunch of clocks. You're like Doc Brown Shed. It is a bit like Doc Brown Shed. But the thing, the way these Amazon return shops operate, all the items are the same price. Almost all of them. They have some larger electronics

stuff as well. It's all Amazon returns. Each day of the week has a different price per item. So it must be fucking like hell on earth on the one dollar day. Imagine that. Yeah. Cause I saw that market stall in Watford doing something similar and it was swamped with people. When it was one quid. Yeah. Well, I don't know what the price was, but just like swamped with people hanging around waiting to get a mystery bag of shit. Now, I got this on a day that wasn't the one dollar day. It was another level dollar day. Yeah. Oh, you know what? The window I've given you. Yeah. Wrong. Lower or higher? Higher. Cause you said like 13, I think. It's higher. 15? More like 18. Oh, you see that is completely Well, you get another guess, I'm sorry.

I was just remembering, okay? I'm gonna say the clock was like $4. Do you know what else I bought? What? When I was in the Amazon returns place. A set of reading glasses. 1.25. Oh, and they work?

Yeah. Oh, good. Welcome to the land of wearing glasses. I turned 50, massive hemorrhoid outbreak, and now I wear reading glasses. When you gonna have your... Have gonna have your midlife crisis yet? Where you start wearing clothes that don't suit you and trying to chat up women of your age. I never. I mean now's the time mate if you wanna just saying.

I never try and chat up women half my age anyway. That's not how I roll. Well there'd be 25 wouldn't they now so that's better for you at least. I wouldn't I'd only date women. Who were? 30. At least? At least. What about size? Do you like date women who were 30. At least at least.

What about size? Do you like big women? No. If you like a woman who towers over you, like Amazonian women. I wouldn't mind that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a problem dating.

Do you prefer women to be smaller than you then? No, no, you just, I've got no preference. No preference. What about breast? I mean, if they're hugely tall, I wouldn't perhaps not go for that. I think that would be fun. I mean, it would be fun. Yeah.

Climb up there. Do some of that. Climb up climb up there do some of that climb up another story do some of that call him get on a stepladder call her my jungle gym you know what I mean call in your jungle gym that's a bit racist call her my jungle gym I thought you meant you've got a mate called jungle no it's fucking racist I would never never fuck! That was like a porn thing. Oh my god. The erotic adventures of jungle gym. Oh fucking hell. Stop!

So far I've got 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 pounds basically. With one of them being free. And you're saying this is close to like... I'm going to say the Yeti is 5 dollars. Okay, we'll go quickly through them. The Yeti Tourist, $5 I'm going to. The Frisbee game I'm going to keep with $3.99. The shot glass I'm going to keep at 99 cents. The Barbie thing I'm going to raise the price of that. I think that might be... what have I said? Yeah, I'm going to say like 250.

250. Okay. This is not going to go well. I still think the hat was free. I think that was the one that was given to you. Zero-sum game. And the clock was $4. Three or four, but I'm going to go with four.

And this has gone badly. Final offer? Yeah, this has gone badly. If this goes badly, can I not put this week's episode out and retain my dignity? These are petwangs, so they're not really can. Oh yeah, they're not petwangs. Whoever's taking note of this, this episode don't count because they're petwangs. They're US petwangs. Yeah, we've put a tariff on American petwangs, right? So we're locking them off.

Okay. Right, okay, here we go. Let's find out what the petwangs were. Right, let's do this. Let's see how badly I flamed out. Okay. I'll be honest mate, going into this, I kind of feel discombobulated, you know? So let's just see how this rolls. Well, I can tell you now, Paul, you have scored at least one petwang. You're not gonna go no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Not now! Yeah. Are you coming now? Hang on, hang on. Oh, he's having a seepage incident. He's jumping up and down.

Yeah, I'm just getting a bit of that pre-cum going. Oh, come on. Right, I'm going to get my chopper load out. Chopper, chopper, chopper. If anyone objects to the way he refers to his knob as chopper. Chopper, chopper, chopper, chopper. That's the noise that character from the kids thing from last week's episode. Oh, is it?

That's why it got me so hard when we made that then, isn't it? Shut up. Chobber. Fucking shut up. The first item- Oh here it comes! Crème de Chobber is coming out! Oh monsieur. It was this crème de Chobber. You are spoiling us. You're spoiling us.

Right. I said for the Yeti- The tourist Yeti mug. Is the first item. It said five dollars. You said five. Yeah. You say they cost about 30 nu. Yeah. It was six bucks. So I'm not too far out. I'm not completely unhappy with that. You say they cost about 30 new. It was six bucks.

So I'm not too far out. I'm not completely unhappy with that. You do not score between though. But I'm not too far out. You're definitely in the ballpark there. Yes. And you put it up at the end because you said four first. Yeah, I did. All right. That's fine. I'm not too upset about losing that. Do you think I've got a good deal? Yeah, I do. I mean, have you used it already? I have.

And has it kept it hot for a long time? Yeah. I like my Yeti mug. I like the fact that I splashed out on it. And like you say, if you were going to have a picnic, Yeah. Or alfresco meal, Yeah. Which we're planning to get some booze in alfresco soon. I might put some ice in there.

Oh, it would keep, make a bit of a noise. No, you put some ice in a thermos and then when you actually have the drink, you put the ice in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It will keep it cool. I'll bring my Yeti then with me next week. Oh, we'll be like two Yeti boys together. Oh, and it makes me think of old teen Yeti. Rest in peace. Right, so, okay, I said six, I said five, it was six. Moving on to the Frisbee game. Frisbee game.

The Frisbee quiz game from Hasbro. I said three and 90 of nine. It was mint on card, but I did buy it second hand in a Goodwill store. So someone obviously had it and said, oh, we're not going to play this fucking shit. But that's what we exist here on Cheap Show to play stuff. No one else in their right mind would ever play the crap of this world, the tat of this world, the forgotten refuse of this world, the mulch of late capitalist sludge lands. We scoop up the leavings of others and make fine meals out of them, chopper.

Come on, I said £3.99 for the catchphrase thing. I'm beginning to think I might have paid, said it's too cheap. It was £1.99. Oh! $1.99. Oh, fair enough, then that's a good price for that, but no p'twang for me. It was $1.99. Right, shot glass, medical shot

glass. Amusing, it charmed you didn't it Paul? It did, it tickled all of my chundles. But the problem is it's from Oregon, which neither of us, I don't think we've ever visited. Isn't that one of those midwest wheat bowls sort of... I don't know, is that what the Oregon Trail comes from? The Oregon Trail. That spreads across several states. Yeah, so why is it called the Oregon Trail? Must start there or finish there. Yeah, well, I couldn't have finished there because you were going west. Ah. That's the whole point, isn't it? It's Midwest, big state and probably not much going on. Can you even think what the biggest city in Oregon is?

Uh, is it like? Battenberg. Battenberg, Oregon. Battenberg's a type of cake. Could also be the name of a place. Well, Oregon could be the name of anything. Anything could be the name of a place. Yeah, true. Gatot. That could be the name of a place. Yeah, it probably is. Fucking...

Oh, I went to the south of France, went to a lovely place called Gatot. Bakewell. That is the name of a place. It is. In fact, a lot of cakes are named after places. And what about Garibaldi? That's a biscuit. And it's a bloke, innit? Yeah. So you know what I mean?

Names are names. Just shut up. You're the one talking shit. I'M THE ONE TALKING SHIT! Yes, you're the one talking shit. I wouldn't do that mate in your condition. Fuck me. Jesus Christ.

Shut up. You don't know what I'm doing. Oh, the face gives away many fucking clues when you fucking do your I'm a squirty Popeye face. I'm a squirty Popeye and I live in the sea. I eat so much spinach and I pushed it out my wee wee hole. I've got medical problems and I pissed the poo. The poo comes out my peepee hole and I've done it. No. Do you want me to cut that out along with your weird racist origin story for a word? That's really surprising about that word.

Yeah, it's not though, is it? Because it wasn't true, so it doesn't matter. But so weird that I read an article that said that. I did, I'm not lying about that. Was it The Times or something? No, but it's... Anyway, Shotglass, how much is it? 99 cents, I said. It was $1.99. Oh, that's expensive, I think, for that. No Pertwang there. But do you think the Frisbee game is bloody cheap though? $1.99. Oh, that's expensive. I think for that. No, put twang there. But do you think the Frisbee game is bloody cheap though? Don't you think? That's what I'm saying.

I wouldn't have said they were basically the same price. They were. Yeah. Yeah. And from the same store. Weird. So, what have you got next on your list? Barbie minis. The Barbie minis. I said $2.50. They were $1. Oh, $1.50 reduced. I thought that was a good price. It is for kids stuff that I think. Yeah. Nice. It's mint on card or it's new. Yeah. I mean, it's landfill shit in it. Well, it won't be landfill where I'm concerned because it'll be on my little shelves of stuff. Yeah. Which will eventually be landfill long after I'm dead. Hopefully. Right. Hat, I said was the the free item. Petwang, petwang!

Hey! How many petwings do I get for that? Just the one? Just the two. Okay, two. Unless you want to insist that zero isn't a number, or is a negative number, in which case you get negative petwangs, okay? So can we just wheel that back, please? I can't get negative petwings if I got it right. You can if it's a negative number. Yeah, but the petwangs aren't part of my complaint.

Zero is not a negative number. Yeah, but the petwangs aren't part of my complaint. Zero is not a negative number. Because you can't have a zero petwang, because the petwang has to exist to make the sound for it to be in existence. So there's no such thing as a zero petwang issue, is there? Are you going to take your two petwangs like a good fucking boy? I am, I'm going to pocket it.

Which will be the only petwangs you've ever fucking got. Well, more petwangs than you've ever had. So there you go, that's true. I mean, I didn't have the option to score petwangs. No, that's your fault. Well good, are you happy you've scored at least two betwangs? Well done. Also, well done for just being able to intuit that that obviously was the free item. Yeah, you know, had me Colombo on there a little bit.

You knew that was a gift. Right, clock, how much? I said four pounds, well, four dollars, I should say. Parla juice. Oh, that day in the Amundsen return score store, all items were eight dollars. I mean, I overpaid. I would have said you overpaid. But I was just into the whole groove of it. Like, that was the only box I bought, like four boxes up. Yeah. All the other boxes were literally like, you know, cooker components or like some valve or like a light switch thing. Yeah, yeah. But that was the only one that was an actual thing and it said anal on the box. Why, in what context would that word have popped up on the box? I think it's an analogue clock.

Oh, and it was just like the first one. I was like, hey, it says anal on the box. Gotta buy it now. Yeah, you do. I was hoping it was some kind of butt plug. I don't think you would have wanted that though, frankly, mate. I probably would have still brought it home. You might have brought it home, but you wouldn't have tested it out first would you? Not when you're banging on the... I haven't tested this clock out.

It's all about grapes of wrath. One other thing with the Amazon store, they had all like things like air fryers and stuff like that at very good prices. I'm sure they are. So it's good if you're in the market for some kind of small electronic or a broiler oven, toaster, that kind of thing. Are they safe? Yeah they've just been returned. Yeah, but what return for what reason? That a fault or electrical or damage, you know what I mean? Well, it's the price you pay for paying the lower price. But isn't this weird though?

It's like from a point of view of consumerism, we're now at a stage where like businesses are happy to say, here's some shit, but it's cheap so you'll buy it. Oh yeah. Regardless of the quality. I think it's not necessarily a bad thing. There was always like the rag and bone men in London. There's always sort of layers in which things get recycled, reused, resold. True, but then there is the issue of how many resources does it take to run those stores

and hire those people and deal with all that. So yes, but isn't that better that these things have a second life rather than just being completely wasted? Maybe. Put into landfill straight in the bin. No, no, no, but this goes to my whole theory. Maybe. Put into landfill straight in the bin. No, no, no. But this goes to my whole theory of why. The returns go straight in the bin.

Yeah. But this goes along with my theory of like, Timu and Wish where it's like, Oh, they're evil. We're just generating shit out into the world. Horrible. And this is part of the ecosystem now where all these items come in and out

and they're all low quality, probably unsafe items that people buy because, oh, it's cheap now and I don't have to pay a thousand pound for it. But it's worse what Timu and Wish do. because, oh, it's cheap now and I don't have to pay a thousand pound for it. But it's worse what Team Moon Wish do. They gamify the whole thing. So it's like instead of buying something, you're winning the opportunity to buy it. To keep you on the website, keep you buying. Fuck that. It's almost gambling. And in some respects, it kind of is because you don't know the quality

of the thing you're getting. But I mean, Amazon are fucking evil huge monopoly as well. But not everything that you buy on Amazon is of terrible quality. You know what I mean? It's not a knockoff price. They do that as well. Amazon now do their own wish thing. Have you seen this? They have their own version of Amazon basics. Yeah.

Where they undercut people who are trying to sell through their platform. Yeah. They all look at it's like drop shipping. They've gotten to drop ship. They drop shipping on their own platform. Which is why I mean, I know this is easier said than done because we live in a time of convenience, but if you have a local hardware store or a local shop like that that you can buy from, do that. Because even if you don't like it, because it's the high street version, the quality is not going to be too different than what you get on Amazon. And it

might even be cheaper. Yes. So and you'll have some human contact. Yeah. And you're supporting high street stores as well. But I'm of an age now, Paul. I've never really got into buying stuff online. So I always prefer to visit a shop in reality. I just... Something about it... I'm the same. It just means it somehow still feels like a better way of doing it. I mean, that's just our point of view. And one of the reasons is you get to see the thing before you buy it.

Yeah. Well done. You got two petwangs. I'll take those two. It was a tough game, Mr. Silverman, but a fair one. And you played by the rules well. I'm walking home with two petwangs. And you know what? Me and my chopper are going to be thankful for them because my

chopper needs a good petwanging. It needs a big, a good lopping off and throwing in the bin of ideas that don't work. Don't you chop off my chopper? Don't you dare chop my lobber. Chop off my chopper. I will chop your chopper right off. Oh, there will be cake. You know what?

What? Just to get it nice and ready, I'll give it a flubber. No bother, I flub and chop the lobber. Lob the chopper off. Fucking shut up. You got me at it. Flub on that, Chob. We're literally sounding like Bill and Ben,

the flower pot men now. But as if all they talked about was their dicks. Oh, flubber-chobber-lubber. Oh, chop-chop-chop-chobber-lubber. Come on, mate. Oh, will. Eli Silverman anecdote number one. So, I don't know how much you remember, Paul,

but there's a... Can you not do that whilst I'm doing this anecdote, please? You don't need me for this bit, do you? Because it's all about satisfying your own... Do not be doing that, no! I want you to listen to this. You don't need me for this bit, do you? Because it's all about satisfying your own. Do not be doing that. No, I want you to listen to this. You don't really though, do you? Can you please? Yes, I do.

No, you don't. It's all about you. This right now. No, it's not. Let me get on with my stuff and you do yours. I hate you for this. Don't do this. Oh. This is something that everyone wants to know about.

Anecdote one. You know that I used to go to a record shop out in Florida. Every year I'd go to the same place and they had a great selection of secondhand seven inch singles. That was called Radioactive Records in Fort Lauderdale. Yeah. Gone. Last year, shut for good.

Really sad. It is so sad. It was so brilliant. I, you know, I was spending hundreds of dollars there because there's stuff I couldn't find great for my DJ sets, everything. I loved it. I loved visiting it it changed location once whilst I'd been going to it and it was founded in 95 and I must have visited it first in about 2005. Yeah so good what yeah 20 years in business has it

moved on to line? It is online now yeah but it was like a tradition when I'm out in Florida to drive down there yeah do do it, you know? And that's gone. And we tried to find another record shop for me to go to, and we did find one in a sort of similar vicinity. I went in there and it was a terrible record shop. All it had was like new sealed LPs, all for $30. Overpriced shit.

$30 or more and just then utter crap. Sort of bins of just utter crap, you know, unsorted 80s dance 12s, you know, that kind of, and the sevens were terrible. But I was looking through some sevens and I picked some up. They're just cheap, you know, one buck sevens. And one of them, I could recognise the handwriting and the pricing sticker that was from Radioactive Records. So they bought their stuff, an echo of the dead reminding me. Isn't that sad? Do you know what I mean? It's the ecosystem. The echoes of those shots. So sad. And that single happened to be MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This. Classic. Nice. Which I now have on seven everyone.

Finally, at least you got it. But yeah, just a sad thing. I guess these things happen. For some reason I got MC Hammer's I Pray as a single down there as well. Don't know why I've got that. You can't touch this better song for the party. Yeah. I wasn't saying it's a comp. I was just saying. Let's have a fucking MC Hammer competition. His best song was the Adams groove.

Was it? Yeah. Say what they want to say live. How they want to live play. How they want to play dance and they want to dance. As a dance. To put on a dance. Like a wedding wedding dance.

Like you've got to appeal to all the generations, which MC Hammer to you. Chicken song. No! Stop! You can't touch this. Stop touching my package. Can you put it away though? That's the end of that anecdote. Yeah part two. And you. I've still got admin to do. Come on. Here's a Tales from the shop floor. Three minutes. What have you done by now? That happened to a listener of the show and my sister-in-law, Emma. Anyway, she was doing what? There's a... We all drove down as a family to the Florida Keys for this sort of birthday holiday thing. Beautiful. Nice.

But there's a town called Florida City, which is a big red-neck town just before you get to the Keys, basically. It's a bit underprivileged. Anyway, they stopped their sister-in-law, my brother and their son, uh, to go to the Walmart and get some stuff. Right. So my sister, Emma went into, uh, the toilet there. Okay. Oh, is this going to be a bangers and mash thing? There was bangers and mash all over. She actually filmed it. It was just everywhere. Oh God. Everywhere in all the cubicles, it. It was just everywhere. Oh God. Everywhere in all the cubicles, just like wet toilet paper everywhere. And then she was at the

sink like trying to wash her hands. A woman comes out of one of the cubicles. She has her leopard print knickers down by her knees. Her vag is out and there's a piece of toilet paper sticking out. Emma's like, literally like, and she gets out and starts screaming like a nutter. What's wrong with you people? And everyone's looking at her in the Walmart. It's the toilet paper detail. She should send that to Walmart, that video footage. She went back and took some footage of just the floor, but obviously didn't get the picture of the woman with her twanny out and the toilet paper. You can't send that to Walmart. And it's just like, what is wrong with everyone?

People are down down. Yeah man. They're desperate. Anyway, on that fucking note, that was Cheap Show this week. Look, one stop shop is thecheapshow.co.uk. We're on Instagram, we're on B-Sky, we're on threads, one stop shop is thecheapshow.co.uk. We're on Instagram, we're on B-Sky, we're on threads, we're on Facebook, all those places.

You can go to thecheapshow.co.uk and that will get you started wherever else you wanna follow us online. We have fortnightly videos on YouTube called Cheap Shots where we muck about in front of cameras. You can subscribe and watch us there. Just to be clear, it's not about cameras. It's not about cameras.

We muck about and it's filmed on a camera. And then, yes, this lovely podcast is sustained and adored by our Patreon supporters, so we thank them greatly for allowing us to do this week in, week out. If you'd like to join them and get access to behind the scenes videos, extra podcasts, night busing, all these kind of things, top tier video episodes, you can. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show, give what you can but please only if you can and if you can't just help spread the word, like, subscribe, review and enjoy. Night busing is the spin-off podcast. Don't go into that, we know it's a night bus adventure. We've talked about it before.

We're planning a new one. Jesus Christ. We've taken too much time with your anecdotes and now I've got a woman's pratt in my face with a little kind of... You know like those tissue boxes with a little bit of tissue at the top. That's exactly what it was like. I'm big for it. Yes, so not boring. But a massive pronounced clunge instead. A clunge? I'm just saying, we're doing night bussing. What if she pulled it out and there was another little tissue behind it?

Wouldn't it be a clown fanny? And maybe her name was Mrs. Kleenex and that was what she thought she was helping. I don't think she had a job. Right,, see you next week on the podcast. But now that's it We'll see you next week Hopefully next week will be out and about if the weather keeps good So you expect the walkabout episode and then we have something look forward to in a couple of weeks We're doing a new TV board game game show special stay tuned for that. Other than that say goodbye Eli. Goodbye Eli Chopper tuned for that. Other than that, say goodbye Eli. Goodbye Eli. Chobber.