CheapShow - Ep 440: The 10th Birthday Office Party

Starting point is 00:00:00 Right, ready to go. Where are we going? When are we going? It's just over here. Come round. No, no, no, no. Paul, don't you trust me? Come on. I told you I sorted it out. I gave you £200 to book a venue. Yeah. For our birthday party. Every penny spent and spent like a gent, my friend. So why aren't we leaving the house? Because I had to pay for this exclusive venue. What do you mean exclusive venue? This is your flat.

Starting point is 00:00:52 Yeah. This is your room. Yeah, I know. Why are we in your fucking room? Because... Because what? It's the House of Pickles and it's 10 years of Cheap Show! Surprise! No, the surprise shouldn't be, Mr Silverman. It's the house of pickles and it's 10 years of cheap show

Starting point is 00:01:13 The surprise shouldn't be mr. Silverman, it's our birthday you gave me 200 quid to record in your bedroom Yeah, well I have to overheads mate. What overheads do you have for your fucking room? We've got sparkly light I mean I brought that disco light. Yeah, I was bringing that for a bit of flavor Champagne freshly changed for that. Yeah, I was bringing that for a bit of flavor. We went out of champagne freshly. I came for that Yeah cost money. I brought here They've got electrical fees for all of the power we're using in here, right? So there's music You don't have to deal with I'm gonna there's gonna be a DJ don't want to spoil things the very special They like things of the DJ you yeah The very special DJ, mate. Can I spoil things? The DJ you?

Starting point is 00:01:42 Yeah, but... Right, that's not the DJ surprise then, is it? The DJ surprise is if it would be like... You can look at my collection of figurines and small toys? I mean, don't get me wrong, this is largely... People pay for that! People would pay, and I'm not even being fucking funny now, Paul. People pay to come in here and smell my pants.

Starting point is 00:02:00 Yeah, well, I would like... I mean, they were begging me. They were begging me always. I would like my £200 back. Send us your pants. Give me your £200. Give me the £200 back. I can't. I can't do that. What do you begging me always. I would like my £200 back. Send us your pants. Give me your £200. Give me the £200 back. I can't do that. What do you mean you can't give me the £200 back?

Starting point is 00:02:10 I want to know. Can I have the receipts then? Just for the finances of this show, can I have the receipts? Of course. I'm meeting my accountant next week. You don't have an accountant. I'm meeting with my accountant next week. They will give me the paperwork. You mean the rat in your kitchen rat in the kitchen what am i gonna do what are you gonna do he's not your accountant he's a rat adam rat you called him well he just acts like a rat i think he's no he's a rat he's a bunny rabbit no he's not

Starting point is 00:02:37 he's a bunny rabbit in this between the sheets mate is it what do you mean what does this mean what are you in the hay he's a bunny rabbit you? So you go to bed with a rat that you call your accountant, but in the bedroom, it's like what? Like a woman. It's a lot of fun is what it's like. Is it? Is it a lot of fun? It's a lot of fun for all consensual parties involved. So for our 10th birthday, I have to sit in your dirty, grubby little sex farm. This is where the magic of this podcast was born, my friend. In your dirty grot farm. Grot farm. You manufacture grumbling grot. Listen, it's evolved over the years.

Starting point is 00:03:10 Mount Grotpants is now a sort of rack grot pants, more. It is. It's a rack, yeah. It's more of a sheer mountain ridge, like the Alps. There are so many objects on my display here, Paul, that have featured on our Good Show. And you know, as we're doing this episode, feel free to just pull out an object. All right. I remember that. Right. I smell that. You know what I'm going to get out there? You're going to get your dick out, I'm going to suck it hard until you go, and then I'll be like, I'll be huffing it so hard, I'll be eating your prick so hard that when you do come, right? It's gonna go out of my nostrils.

Starting point is 00:03:53 I wanna see it. I wanna stare into your eyes and see my milky fluids fill up your eyeballs. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, like a cartoon. Like a Texan. And then it comes out your ear. Then it comes out your nose

Starting point is 00:04:10 It comes out your mouth for and then oh I hate this podcast You went for it. We're both going for it because we know it's 10 years birthday You're gonna be of this I have in my hand everyone a bottle of champagne It's good shit. Why do you get to open this actual champagne? Well, it's Paseco. It's got a shit choker. Why do you get to open this? I- I was once in a shop- I was really very rare. I know how to do it, Paul. Yeah, I know how to do it as well. I enjoy doing it.

Starting point is 00:04:31 Please. Come on. God. It's got a little ring pull here. Has it got a real ring pull? As opposed to a fake ring pull? It's our 10th birthday episode, everyone. So I bought a little bottle of Paseco.

Starting point is 00:04:42 And we will be having old fashions as well. Yes, we'll have drinks. You don't want to hear about what we're. And we will be having old fashions as well. Yes, we're having drinks. You don't want to hear about what we're going to drink. We're having drinks, he booze. We've got birthday hats, mate. Oh yeah, birthday hats. Can we put those on? Uh, this one is a little cake on your head and it has candles and it says happy birthday. I got two. Thanks man. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, us. Happy birthday to you. What's that great birthday song? Happy birthday to you. I got asked. Happy birthday to you.'s that great birthday song happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday I may have said this before yeah but that

Starting point is 00:05:12 song is not a birthday song Martin Luther King song yeah to celebrate Martin Luther King day how was his birthday yeah Yeah. But. There you go. And it only has that bit. It only has that happy birthday to your bit. That refrain. It sounds like that Ross Abbott song, doesn't it? That refrain. Is a part of going on. Will you just listen to me?

Starting point is 00:05:34 I could take a there. That refrain has only lasted about a minute. And the song is five minutes. Got this whole thing about Martin Luther King. Yeah. Not about Sharon from Twickelsworth's fucking birthday. I, but I do. You know what I mean? But people still ask for it, don't they? Yeah, because they don't recognize it. They come in there, can I have this? about Martin Luther King, not about Sharon from Twicklesworth's fucking birthday. I mean, but people still ask for it, don't they?

Starting point is 00:05:47 Because they come in there. Can I have Stevie Wonder? Happy birthday. It's not called that. It's not about that. It would not work. Leave me alone. However, we are going to appropriate it for our cheap show podcast. Happy birthday, cheap show. How about this? Martin Luther King.

Starting point is 00:06:03 Happy birthday, cheap show. Happy birthday Cheap Show, happy birthday Cheap Show, happy birthday, happy birthday. There's a party going on, I could take you there. Is that how it goes? No, I'm singing Russ Abbott right now. Oh, I could meet a party, a party. You actually have a better singing voice than Russ Abbott. I would say a duck with a foot on its neck would have a better singing voice than Russ Abbott.

Starting point is 00:06:25 I would say a duck with a foot on its neck would have a better singing voice than Russ Abbott. He wasn't the greatest. No, and you know what, even if he did have a voice, visually he was not suited for the pop charts. Paul, get the champagne glasses ready. I've got some paper cups as is. We're going to have a nice glass of Prosecco to get the proceedings going. And then what we got coming up on the show, Paul?

Starting point is 00:07:07 Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff on the actual packet get off his hats come down it looks like he's got a knob on the end of his nose or something they're just called paper whistles yeah yeah it's a whistle a party whistle they call party favors because they were given to children at the bar but also you can get a lady you can get a lady to spray her legs spread her legs spray her legs, spread her legs, spray her legs, what with fake 10? What with the, what, what am I spraying her legs with, Paul? Manchunk. Manchunk. Manchunk. Right, so what you do is you put a little feather on the end of these, right, and you get her to spread her legs, and you go here's some fun darling, and you go, and it comes out, it tickles a little bit at the front. Tickle, tickle, tickle. And she goes, ooh, I like that, do it some more.

Starting point is 00:07:47 So then you go... Oh, I've broken mine. That was good. I like the way you sped that up, the way someone would... If they were actually fucking Sam Ran. Right. It filled the cups up. Hang on, hang on. I'll take the white off. Oh, he hasn't done the bottle. Yeah, you know, that's a shame minute. He hasn't done the twist He he's twisting the metal coil

Starting point is 00:08:12 The cage don't know I actually never thought about it We're turning to bring everything down turn the bottle not the cork don't you so you never actually releasing the cork from your grip That's what you gotta do. Watch this. Watch a monkey man do this now It was perfect everybody Pop right now, do you know else you do with? fizzy Wine to help pour it. Do you know this? Do you know this little hint? I hate you when you like this, right? I really hate you put a little tiny splash of the of the champagne at the bottom

Starting point is 00:08:43 It's a tiny splash and then once you've done a tiny splash on all the cups, then you pour it again. And it has less effervescence so you can get more drinking. I mean, that's, I would do that intuitively anyway. No, you wouldn't though. I told you how you'd crow on podcast. I've done this. Magnus podcast. I was taught how to do this.

Starting point is 00:09:01 So by who? By who? By Mr. Shifty Alan Smithies, the Mr. Shifty Bifty. Who taught you how to be a. So by who by who by mr. Shifty Alan Smith. He's the mr. Shifty 50 Taught you how to be a gentleman. Is this it? I'm put just tell everyone I'm perfect done this perfect He's holding it by the by the arse of the bottle and he's tipping it in willy-nilly instinctively, he says You know why he knows this because mr. Smith Smithers, Mr. Simmons, the dirty next door man. Mr. Simmons, the dirty next door man who has a secret shed.

Starting point is 00:09:29 Are you going to shut up and stop being unfunny? And he taught you how to pop a champagne bottle. Yes, this is where every single joke you ever did. It's not true. Almost every single one. Almost, yeah, I agree with you on that, but not everyone. Cheers. Tinkety tong.

Starting point is 00:09:43 Right. Tinkety tong. Tinkety tong. It didn't sound like that. Well, not everyone. Cheers. Tinkety-tongue. Right. Tinkety-tongue. Tinkety-tongue. It didn't sound like that. It was meant to be Tinkety-tongue. OK, everyone. Which is a frying lorry reference. All right?

Starting point is 00:09:52 OK. Thank you. Fine. Chin-chin to ten years. You meant to now touch glasses. I did already. And then you say tink. That'll do nicely.

Starting point is 00:10:02 It's brute. Brute prosecco? Yeah. I thought prosecco? Yeah. I thought they only did champagne. Do they? No, champagne's only from the champagne region. Everything else is sparkling wine. Brute is the grape, I think.

Starting point is 00:10:13 No, brute means it's dry. It means it's not a sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh dear, seems like Mr. Simmons didn't teach him the difference between brute and champagne. I know fuck all about champagne or wine, but I just was taught how to open and pour a bottle. No, brute just means dry. It means it's pour a bottle. That's what just means dry. It means it's not a sweet.

Starting point is 00:10:26 It's not a sweet drink. Oh, never knew that. Now, there you go. But not the air spray. It's a style of Prosecco. Yeah. You'd have a sweet Prosecco, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go.

Starting point is 00:10:36 Oh, I definitely prefer it on more on the dry side for this kind of sparkly wine, don't you? Hey, I think it's time. You know what? Let's just do the party here. Let's just do the party here, man. I'm feeling it. Yeah, we've already established that feeling. You got a little hat on your head. I know.

Starting point is 00:10:50 Little established. I've got a little cake. I understand. It's like you're in your own world. Am I? Well, it is like you are. You're a total solipsist. You don't exist.

Starting point is 00:11:00 What if Pete Cheap Show doesn't exist? And it's all in my head. And I'm like, I've been in a coma for 10 years and it's like you know Dallas where Tommy's in the shower wherever his name is Bobby Ewing comes out the shower and he goes what do you mean I've been in the shower I'm not dead and then you go oh shit. I saw a film called Warriors of Zoo Mountain and the main character has a sort of daydream on the battlefield at the beginning two hours later the whole a sort of daydream on the battlefield at the beginning, two hours later the whole story is a daydream. Yeah, it's not that good though, you shouldn't do it all the time. No, it's probably one of the most hated devices in all fiction. If you do it

Starting point is 00:11:36 wrong, I agree, yeah, but that can be done right. And it is ancient, isn't it? Isn't it what they call Deus Ex Machina? That is a version. No, not necessarily no. No, because that basically means the hand of God or something. It basically means that something from that exists outside the plot comes in to sort it out. Resolve the situation. Right. And it's not been mentioned or seen before. Well that's kind of like that. The resolve, it's the dream. It was a dream. That's what resolves it.

Starting point is 00:12:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is outside of the story. No, no, no, because it's narratively in there. It would be like if he woke up and he was actually a chicken or something. That would be more different. Right, you know what? Every single person turns into a chicken in your mind. It's biscuits and chicken.

Starting point is 00:12:20 That's why the chicken, biscuit chicken or whatever it's called. Oh yeah, what about the biscuit chicken? Well he lives within you as an archetype at the peak of your inner hierarchy of forms. Why am I sitting in a room with a chicken telling me how to think? That's my question. And Eli is Mr. Chicken McTickles. I'm Biscuit McChicken. That's what he was called. Chicken McBiscuit. Chicken McBiscuit. He's coming back to me. I'm Chicken McBiscuit. Do you know what, Paul? If you insist on... I like chicken mc... I'm chicken mc... He's coming back to me. I'm chicken mc... Biscuit! Do you know what, Paul? If you insist on... I like chicken. If you insist on behaving like this the whole of today, I'm warning you.

Starting point is 00:12:50 I'm loosening up because if I'm gonna spend our birthday in this frankly horrible fucking shithole, I'm gonna embrace... It's lovely. It's looking alright. I'm gonna embrace the groom. We've got disco lights. Gloom. I've got lots of postcards up. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:03 Look, I've got that Garfield cake tin eyes. Oh yeah. Just by itself there. Where'd you get that from? Stuart, he gave you it. Yes, but I discarded, but he got it from Barry. Oh. And Barry left it with him

Starting point is 00:13:14 and no one wants the cake tin itself. No, but you've got Garfield's eyes. That's the best bit of the whole item, isn't it? Betty Davis's eyes, nah, Garfield's eyes. You see that vertical elephant? I got that the other day. Vertical elephant? Yes, can you see that vertical elephant? I got that the other day. Vertical elephant? Yes, can you see the vertical elephant?

Starting point is 00:13:27 The bad jukes with the Stratosphere song title or something? Sounds like one, yeah. I can't see a vertical elephant. It's black. Oh yeah, now I see. I thought it was like a witch with a hat on. In the charity shop where I got it, the lady said, that's for good luck.

Starting point is 00:13:39 Is it? Apparently, I thought it was some kind of bookend, like must have come in a pair. Do you see what it means? But no, it's a kneeling elephant with its trunk in the air. Well, look, ladies and gentlemen, I was thinking maybe it's time to go to the credits now, just to give you a bit of fun in it, a bit of fun. Is it fun? Is that fun for anyone?

Starting point is 00:13:54 I'm going to do something on all the docs. I'm not going to give you the credits. They're not the credits. It's the theme tune. I call it the credits though, don't I? Why do I call it the credits? Right mate. It's not the credits. Roll the fucking credits. I'm gonna do better than that. I'm gonna actually sing the credits to you now. Here we go. Zzom, nyom, nyom, yeah, play the fucking music. Do do do do do off from rather off our friend right off do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I don't know this next bit. There's loosing up as you say, Paul.

Starting point is 00:15:04 Welcome to Cheap Show. Are we not having the actual credits then? Nah. Really? Yeah, nah that'll do. Really? Yeah. I think Sober Paul is going to chicken out of that. Sober Paul, if you're listening, I fucked you.

Starting point is 00:15:16 I fucked you mate. Oh, you're listening to this in the future going, you prick Ganon. I know. You can't even have the sense of mind. You can't press stop. You don't even have a sense of mind. You can't press stop. You don't press stop as often as normal. Is that you, Ganon, in the future, listening to this? What, the levels are too low?

Starting point is 00:15:31 I have to edit this more than I expected. No, you did. I'm having a good time right now, Future Paul. You're the one fucked. I like it because he's not abusing or gaslighting me, everybody. Fucking Ganon. You've heard about that prick. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:43 That fucking knob. He sits there and he fucking puts words in your mouth in the edit and he takes things away and like sometimes Sometimes in the edit I've heard him do this. I've seen him do this He takes stuff out that you say but keeps Paul's responses in so it makes it like you're the fucking idiot who got it wrong And Paul correct you you know what I mean? I know it's so mean. It's so unnecessary That future fucking Paul we're not mentioning this the smell though Well, you can't do anything about that in the room. It's just a minute. Oh, it's smell. Yeah, what is that? Is it oysters? No, it's like he's shot himself. I think he can't control his

Starting point is 00:16:15 Himself he's got what we call leaky bottom. I'm eating bits of it as well You know when he's like thinks people aren't looking he calls him his pickings You know when he's like thinks people aren't looking he calls him his pickings You know you will become him you are him no, but yeah right now he's a fucking dick and he picks his eat his pickings You know, do you know would get to those pickings if he wasn't fast enough well Donald truffle Say chicken McBiscuit, you know, donnie truffle is a friend of chicken McBiscuits. Yeah, the name's Donnie Truffle. Is he a friend of chicken McBiscuits? He basically follows behind people.

Starting point is 00:16:50 And the minute they drop their pants he's right up and he goes, nom nom nom, pickings pickings. Yeah, Donnie Truffle, how you doing mate? Are you listening? Tell Paul he smells of shit. Paul, you need to rein it in. And tell him to wash his underpants more, because those flecks of flecks of his little dicky droppings, right, you want to... The flecks of flecks of his little dicky droppings Right you want to...

Starting point is 00:17:07 The flecks and flecks of his little dicky droppings Little dicky droppings everyone Hello I'm little dicky droppings Hello I'm little dicky droppings This episode could actually turn into our fucking Finnegans wake Do you know that? Yes Like literally no meaning

Starting point is 00:17:22 Look the gimmick of this episode is I've pressed record and we're going to carry on recording. We've got... And unless anything we say is racist or out of taste, I'm going to cut that out. But otherwise you're getting a raw recording. By saying that, it's like you're admitting that we say a load of racist stuff that you have to cut every week. That's not true. Because you've got a problem with that. Don't shut up.

Starting point is 00:17:42 And I've got a problem with it. You love this. Paul. If it's best, that doesn't get out to the open. You know what I mean? Don't shut up! And I've got a problem with it. You love this! Paul! To express, that doesn't get out to the open. Don't we have some kind of communication from the listeners of this 10-year award-winning podcast? Look, okay, okay.

Starting point is 00:17:52 This is a party episode. No shit, you've lost it. And we're drinking it. You need to get out more, mate. I've always pre-loaded. I've had a desperado. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting. You're two drinks in and I'm only just one in.

Starting point is 00:18:00 I'm two sheets to the wind. You're one in. Are you going to have a... I want an Old Fashioned. Well, go on, do you want an... I'll tell you what, I'm just finding... I'm just finding it funny. I'm only just one in. I'm two sheets to the wind, you're one in. Are you gonna have a, I'm on an old fashioned. Well, go on, do you wanna, I'll tell you what. The ice, I'm just throwing, I'm just throwing,

Starting point is 00:18:10 the ice is gonna melt. Okay, here's the plan. And also, we're gonna lose the bubbles on this. Do you wanna add a bit more Prosecco? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the plan, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. Some pouring expertly.

Starting point is 00:18:18 Is, I asked our Patreons and people online to, oh! Pfft! Ah! Ah! Ah! our patreons and people online to war. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to do that. Oh man, that was a classic. That was a classic, man. If only you guys could see that.

Starting point is 00:18:39 I pulled it too vigorously and just after I said I could do it as well. And it was foaming over as well and it went and it was foaming over the top and Paul went for the emergency sucker and then it came shooting out his mouth. The thing is when I absorbed it all it filled out my mouth cavity and then went into my nose and I felt it. And it came out like a jet all over me. I'm so sorry I did not mean that to happen. That was hilarious.

Starting point is 00:19:06 Oh dear. That was a spit taken a half. I know I'm sorry though that was not intentional. I know but it was funny. Thank God you've got wet wipes behind you. I do yeah. Listen look I asked Patreon people and people on social media to send us an email or a message with their memories, favourite episodes so we're gonna picket that. Yeah, we're gonna picket those. So we got loads, mate, loads. And as we go through, Eli and I will tell you our favorite episodes or moments as well. We'll picket that as well.

Starting point is 00:19:34 That's right, I've done some work, boy. So I've got to go into the folder I created in my email. You got a bit, you did manage to get a bit into the glass there, yeah? You didn't spit it all onto me. No, no, no, I got some of it in, but like I just foamed up. I just absolutely, internally foamed up.

Starting point is 00:19:48 It's because you sucked in foam. You were sucking in pure foam. Yeah. There's a lot going on there. Just the violence with which it came shooting out your mouth. It was like you weren't in control of it, Paul. No, I wasn't in control. If I was, I wouldn't have sprayed it across the room. Literally your cheeks went out like Dizzy Gillespie. Yeah, I couldn't hold it in.

Starting point is 00:20:07 That was like a cartoon. That was like a cartoon. So look, we got a lot of these messages. We're going to try and get through as many as we can. Messages. As many as we can in the next episode. We're starting with messages, Owen. Well, just a few, and then we'll cut back and forth,

Starting point is 00:20:18 and we'll chat, and we'll riff, you know what I mean? So yeah, I'm going to read as many of these out now. If we don't get to your email or message in this episode, I apologize. We're going to do our best to everyone who emailed us, because I didn't get a chance to reply to everyone. Thank you very much. Thank you so very much, because honestly, the messages that we got were like so heartwarming at times and so like, kind of validating. I haven't seen any of these. I'm going to read them out, aren't I? And I'll let you read some out as well, won't I? Will you?

Starting point is 00:20:47 Yes, if you're a good boy. And you do what Daddy Ganon said. I'll take you to see Mr. Simmons Shed. Anyway, I'll start with the first one that we got. This was on Patreon, and this from Akshay. And they said, There are too many favourite moments on the show for me to count, so I'm just going to list two random ones that embody what I love about it most.

Starting point is 00:21:04 The first is episode 306 in which Paul and Eli attempt to concoct two mystery stories from story cubes they found somewhere. The stories talk about vegetable eating and dog fucking, I think they were poor beyond measure but I truly sincerely love when the boys can't let go of a bit and the sheer strain at the seams of reality just leave me in tears. Yeah we lean into the shit of that. The second is a bit of a deeper cut, episode 127, where the boys taste the cannabis wine and listen to the engine fault recording flexi disc, which is just amazing.

Starting point is 00:21:33 That was in this room. This was in that room, because you didn't want to drink that wine. Back in the House of Pickles, guys. I was like, I'm having that because it was my birthday. And you drank the whole bottle. That was one of the worst drinks. It was horrible tasting. Because it looked like science fiction drink. It was one of the worst drinks. It was horrible. Because it looked like

Starting point is 00:21:50 co- like science fiction drink. It was like bright green wine. I'd say it looked like fairy liquid. Yeah no it actually looked like fairy liquid. So in addition to the imagined nonsense of the world of Cheapskate, the things I really like are the ephemera from decades past that Paul and Eli managed to find. They really make me long for the days I never appreciated or experienced. So weird. I, so weird. I looked up that has a you know, that has a word. What has a word? Nostalgia for something you didn't experience. Go on.

Starting point is 00:22:11 Anemia. I'm not sure how it's pronounced. I looked it up. Yeah. I looked it up the other day. Today. Today. I looked it up.

Starting point is 00:22:19 It just occurred to me that that longing for something that you never actually even never had. Never had. So it's not nostalgia, it's like nostalgia for... I guess it'd be like going, oh, I love the disco years, man. It's like you weren't born in the disco years. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for all the amazing content.

Starting point is 00:22:35 But to Sadness. And this is the same podcast that came up with King Kong's, Kong's Kum Cave. Love this show to bits. King Kong's Kum Cave. Thank you. That was a good one and I came up with that. So, what's next? Bill Wilson, a walk down memory lane, how bittersweet can it possibly get? I'm a big fan of Don't Get Mad. Not necessarily the part where Eli loses his shit, but the whole builder

Starting point is 00:22:55 that leads to the inevitable breakdown that could be very suspenseful. I'm also a sucker for the classic characters. I understand where they had to go, but god damn that ritual's lore and in parts inspired by true events anemia anemia Yeah, yeah, that's literally All that had the psychology behind feeling nostalgic for a time you've never known yeah this longing I have I was looking for I was actually looking some Victorian architecture at the time. Yeah And it evoked evoked a sense of feeling of something that you didn't experience. Anemia.

Starting point is 00:23:27 You would have been a little bit, I reckon if you'd been in the 1800s, I reckon you'd have been a roustabout. I reckon you would have been a little guy who does everything and everything. You know what I mean? If you want your shoes shine, go to Eli. If you want a pipe fitting, go to Eli. If you want a rat killed, go to Eli. You know you like one of those guys Yeah, that's what I reckon you would have been. What someone to like eat your scat go to Eli

Starting point is 00:23:51 You want to fight a bear in a pub go to get Eli in or get a dog to kill a lot bunch of rats Yeah, get Eli in. I'm sorry. I just have to answer this. What message? Yeah, who from? Booker I work for. Oh, okay, so you're just gonna go ahead and- As a DJ. Go ahead and do that, then I'll- I'll struggle. Oh, I need another fucking letter. Anyway, thank you, Bill Wilson. Uh, the characters, by the way, they're never really gone. It's just that sometimes they overwhelm.

Starting point is 00:24:15 But they always pop back every now and then. We've had Jimmy Biscuits back and shit like that every now and then. It's alright. You know what I mean? Do they ask, when are we gonna get the characters back? No, they say, oh, they missed the old characters, but I'm like, they're never really gone. We'll pull them out when we need to.

Starting point is 00:24:29 You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Because we had like at least two sort of season long chicken McBiscuits narrative arcs. I don't mind chicken McBiscuits. I just want you to allow other characters that I know, know,

Starting point is 00:24:42 create into the world. Stop it. It's never gonna happen What do you mean? It's never gonna never I'm putting a veto on new characters for me like you've maxed out I have not you have maxed out you've gone out of your allotted number of characters for this podcast now I have not so you're bettered into the ones you've already established and they're not very good So you need to fuck a little really loved characters wiggly woggle on they're not very good. So you need to fucking get a wiggly waggle on. They are the most loved characters. Wiggly waggle on. They're not the most loved. Everyone loves Jimmy Biscuits. No one likes Teen Yeti.

Starting point is 00:25:10 Everyone likes Lady Plops. No one likes Squishy Jim. That's not true. No one likes Brandof. Brandof is the most popular character. No one's ever heard of Brandof. Brandof is the most popular character. No one's ever heard of Brandof.

Starting point is 00:25:19 I've never heard of Brandof. I'm only saying it because it's just word worth coming out of mouth. Grumpy Sessions is one of the most... That's my character as well. I'm very proud of Grumpy Sessions. Well, why do you have to do this with every single thing? What? Try and do this weird fake gaslighting. I'm not doing fake gaslighting. It's a sincere attempt to make you question your contributions to this podcast, of which there are none.

Starting point is 00:25:39 Exactly. I'm saying this thing. You're doing it again. Absolutely zero. Because Eli's a figment of my imagination. You're doing this again? Yeah. Pop! Here he a figment of my imagination. You're doing this again. Yeah. Pop! Here he is. Ararararara!

Starting point is 00:25:48 Pop, he's gone. No, I'm here, Pop. Oh, yeah? I don't know why you're doing this. It's like Fight Club. You can't do this for the rest of the... It's the Fight Club thing. You can't do this for the rest of the episode.

Starting point is 00:25:55 Do you know how many hours a week I edit this podcast where I record one side of the podcast myself and then I go into character and become Eli Silverman and record the second half. That's why there's so many overlaps. Why aren't you good this week? Come on! Give us some birthday Jollywoo! I'm not, you've actually killed my Joy De Veev by just the constant

Starting point is 00:26:16 your shit you don't even exist. You don't stick. Which is just again and again and again. Yeah. It's all you've done this whole episode You haven't had an idea you said you're I can't do any of my characters or invent new characters So you're telling me you can do your characters. You just can't do any new character I can do new characters if I want you come I fucking can go on then do one right now do a new character right now

Starting point is 00:26:39 I will go on right now Hello, everybody. I'm Jimmy. I like this I'm Jimmy. I like this. Go on. Hello, I'm Siri. Siri. Siri. Siri. Cyril. Cyril.

Starting point is 00:26:51 Cyril what? Cyril umpty. Cyril umpty? What does Cyril umpty do? I do sort of data, data. Data, it's data. You do data, you're a data analyst. You wouldn't, maybe you wouldn't understand.

Starting point is 00:27:04 Are you a data analyst no I'm a data importer. Oh input this input that and put that I will input this is like what about 12 eggs I've got eight pallets of sausages I could do that. All right, I'll go, I'll go. Okay, I've got eight pallets of sausages. Oh, let me have a look. Boo! I'm just saying, boo.

Starting point is 00:27:29 And staring at the sky. That's not data rendering. I'm gonna go sit down now. I've got bad legs. That's one of my character things. This one's from Jacob Elkin. They say, I think one of my favorite Cheap Show moments, well, it's more than a moment, is Winky.

Starting point is 00:27:42 How it kept growing and ended up as a three-hour episode as much as I love cheap Show for the call for what it is I also find it really fantastic when you find a passion for something and really dive into it what what what? Lighter, please. There you go. I will say this if you had to say what was my favorite episode of cheap show I would probably this now. I'm just saying I would probably say winky even though Conceptually, it's an outlier in terms of what we do. However, the fact that we discovered that story, how we dove into it, how we ended up speaking to the people involved in it in some respect, how that episode came about, it's kind of like, it's a fucking great story and trust me, next year or at the back end of this year,

Starting point is 00:28:21 I'm going to try and stop putting things into place where we can make a proper documentary about this. Winky ain't over yet. Trust me. Well, that's what I was going to say. Winky ain't over yet. That's what I was going to say, Paul. It was more than an episode. Thank you, Jacob.

Starting point is 00:28:33 Although there was a winky episode. Yeah. It was more because we actually did the record before, didn't we? As a Silverman's platter. And then again, it just just snowboard into this whole fucking story. Do you remember when we got the script from that French TV show about the documentary and they went out there and we got everyone. Yeah so there was a whole episode update this is what I'm saying it's like it's it's bit much same favourite

Starting point is 00:28:56 episode. We still haven't found that a way to speak to Dr. Winky himself and track him down and the woman who won it, I can't remember the name right now. Dr. Winky himself and track him down and the woman who won it come in the name right now. Dr. Winky lives? Yeah he lives in San Francisco still. He's bombing about what do they say on that podcast that we like? I can't remember is he still kicking a boot? Kicking a boot. He's still got his hose. He's not in the groove. CVXX everyone we're quite partial. No he's in the bout and the woman who won it officially who won it just disappeared off won it, just disappeared off the face of the earth.

Starting point is 00:29:26 I think I tracked her down to a LinkedIn account, but then even that was like last updated in 2016. So, there are still stories to tell and I'd like to be able to do that somehow going forward. Absolutely, it is fascinating. Right, David Gibbs says, The Brighton office day out is still one of my favourite episodes. The sheer amount of times you need to piss, went to a pub to use the toilet, bought a drink because you felt bad for using facilities and then needed to piss again was hilarious. That's not even mentioning the nuns on the train or how many times you did get farted on or near, air fists as well and you're talking

Starting point is 00:29:59 into a hamster and the pissy £20 note you had to give to the smelly shopkeeper. Make it a highlight. David Gibbs. You had a pissy? I don't remember that detail. had to give to the smelly shopkeeper. Make it a highlight, David Gitt. You had a pissy... I don't remember that detail. I was going to the toilet when I was in the KFC, I think, and then I took... I've leapt forward and £20 came out of my pocket, fell in the toilet of all my piss. Oh, into the trough. So then I took it out and washed it off and then used that £20 to pay the KFC.

Starting point is 00:30:18 Well, I wouldn't mind that. But then in the interim time, a lot of people farted near or on my face. Not in the shops and stuff. I was gonna say my favorite Walkabout episode was Brian, then I listened back to it recently and then I've changed my mind because you're fucking prick in that episode to me. Why am I a prick to you? A, you're enjoying yourself too much and B, you run out of money so quick and then just beg for more cash off me all the way through. I've spent my money Paul. Well, you can have another can of these. That's what you're like all the way

Starting point is 00:30:47 through. Be well. I'm like, I have to pee. You yes, you should have just gone up against a wall. Anyway, I did many walls. So that's it. You found another way to attack me. That's why you don't think it's your

Starting point is 00:30:58 favorite walkabout. Can I say what my favorite fucking episode is now? Go for it. All right, let me get my phone. Oh, you're not ready in that case. I'm ready. Go on.

Starting point is 00:31:08 Yours is winky. Yeah, my favorite episode is probably winky. What's your favorite walkabout then? My favorite walkabout, I was going to say Brian, but I think on reflection, it's a toss-up between the first part of the Selendine Walk episode Or it is the Desperados one, because I listened back to that one recently and it's just fucking fun to listen to. And it ends with the gunfighting on the Camelot Mote thing and all those.

Starting point is 00:31:34 I did enjoy that. I loved that part. What's that part called? I can never remember its name. I can't remember its name now, neither. It's Newton or something like that. I think I like that one but there's elements of all the Walkabout episodes that I really like like the you know the Derive one we did which I think is quite aimless but there is a moment we're on the grass having a little picnic

Starting point is 00:31:54 and getting pissed and then we have that quimmin the moan quimmin the moan and all that stuff. Yeah we have a little rat battle which is kind of hilarious. That was a lot of fun. Yeah but maybe the Desperado, A Fistful of Desperados might be my favorite the moment. Okay, that's interesting I love that episode as well. It's great. I like grumbling jocco and this is mr. Mr. Well Getting to taste all the different desperado's having a reason to do that And they were all bar one awful fucking horrible shit. And we are working on, just to remind everyone, a Buzz Bomb Blitz where we do basically the same as the Desperado episode

Starting point is 00:32:31 but with those Buzz Boms. Which looks horrible. They look horrible and they're quite pricey. Quite expensive yeah. But they are stronger. There must be somewhere you can get them cheaper like a B&M or something. We'll figure it out. There's about six or seven flavors and that's perfect. So we just we get a bunch of those. Same format but we have to... what's a buzz bomb? Not a cowboy, it hasn't got any... You know maybe we should do a kind of like a riff on Die Hard with Avengers where we've got a race to defuse a bomb. Oh yeah! And we get there and we drink the bomb and defuse it and then the villain goes go to the next location and then the bomb. Yeah, yeah, that's very good. Yes, very good. While you do that a minute, I'll just read this quick one out. Robert Mitchell Moore said,

Starting point is 00:33:13 perhaps I am warped but Eli's alternative lyrics to the Norwegian song in episode 283 with the Beatles makes me laugh like a drain every time. I don't know what that one is. Do you know what that is? Shall we have a look? What's it called? Which episode is it? Episode 283. Okay, I'm just gonna give it a look. That's a while ago. That's a while ago. Cheap... Norwegian song with the Beatles makes me laugh every time. Cheap Show episode... 283. We're doing our research. As I say, this episode will not be edited. I'm running it as best I can Norwegian goods

Starting point is 00:33:48 Right, I'll go to the website because you've got a summary there day. Maybe it's from a platter I guess a platter segment after getting lost in the woods for two episodes you wrote this copy by the way Paul and Eli I know I write because you fucking don't do anything do you well you know they haven't asked me to write the copy You never do why would I ask you to do that? Exactly so you can't say you never do it as if it was something You've never offered to do it nor would you ever do it No but you wouldn't want me to do it No

Starting point is 00:34:14 So what's the point of complaining about me not doing it? Because I'm allowed to You see you're doing it again Feed him a speech You're doing it again Feed him a speech You're doing it again Fucking hell

Starting point is 00:34:24 Oh what an atmosphere Shut up you're ruining the atmosphere with this fucking again. Feeding my speech. You're doing it again. Fucking hell. Oh what an atmosphere. Shut up. You're ruining the atmosphere with this fucking toxic venom. There's a party going on. There is not. There's a party in your head. After getting lost in the woods for two episodes, Paul and Eli are back doing what they do

Starting point is 00:34:38 best. Whang in. Whatever that is. Longtime contributor Yvain has sent the cheap chaps a box of goodies from Norway and Sweden. So it's Yvain sent us stuff from Norway and Sweden. What's the pictures show? Because maybe that gives it away. They also put pictures on our website. This is SoundCloud I went to.

Starting point is 00:34:57 Oh well then yeah don't worry about it. Because basically every episode we do has a webpage dedicated to it so you can see pictures and sometimes videos. Yeah let's can see pictures and sometimes videos of the things we play and look at. Right, while you look for that, I'll read this one up from Seb Cox. Who wear grot? Tissues at the ready. From the box event center. Oh, okay, right, got it, got it.

Starting point is 00:35:15 Do you remember what that was? A van, by the way. She's like the fifth Beatle. She's like part of Cheap Shows. Cooking sauces, or some Sriracha. Sriracha. What else is there? Ginsu, that's lovely though.

Starting point is 00:35:27 It's funny looking back on episodes and going, Dan-o, mate. You know, and a Norwegian flag. Oh yeah, I had the card in. Oh God, they've been so talented. Oh those, I saw those today. The Singapore Airlines playing cards. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:39 When I was tidying up today. Aldi bow tie. Oh, I remember that. We're not gonna remember the joke, are we? No. In future in future everyone when you go right in with your favorite bit trying to explain what we actually say I'm not putting clips in by the way I know people go oh it's a celebration and you put it's a song I'm not put remember that salt and pepper that screwed

Starting point is 00:35:58 together yeah that's cool like a bone like a bone oh and that tape of some oh that's right I do remember that now because it had some kind of song that you put lyrics over oh that's the that must be what they're referring to listen to that episode 283 actually i don't have to edit a fucking clip now can i bloody say yeah favorite episode and favorite walkabout episode go for it go on daddy buffa for sake then then how about after that you start making the old fashions? I'm trying to get the old fashions going. Yeeeeee.

Starting point is 00:36:28 Favourite episode? 276. The ice is melting. Do you know which one that is? Which one? 276. 276. I don't know, is it a walkabout?

Starting point is 00:36:37 No. No. Go on then, tell me. Oh Norman. Oh, that's interesting, why that? Because I just thought we reached a sort of level of... We peaked. ...of lunacy.

Starting point is 00:36:47 We were at the right of the peak of just sort of... ...of chaos and structure. Was that the stuff that had Bill Donut in? Was it all a kind of spin-off of that era? I started improvising an O'Norman musical. Which we ended up bringing back for 300 successfully. Do you remember? That's why you up bringing back for 300 successfully. Do you remember? That's why you brought it back for 300 just because.

Starting point is 00:37:09 Because of that. Yeah. I do remember that. That's my favorite episode. That's interesting. That's an interesting choice. Because we just went into a sustained improvisation, basically.

Starting point is 00:37:15 Yeah. And it grew. I'm having a listen to that one back there. It's a very good one. Yeah. I mean, of course, when you're asked to pick your favorite. It's hard. So I just want to be honest. you are asked to find, you know, pick your favorite, it's hard. So that's one worth mentioning.

Starting point is 00:37:27 Yeah, basically. Because for me, it's like it's hard, though, because even like some of the most kind of quote unquote mid episodes have, I think, at least one moment in it, which makes it worth its while. Well, there's always one. There's been very few episodes. 400 of them. There's been very few episodes where I feel like we've completely flatlined. And if we have had episodes we've ditched, one or two where we've recorded and gone,

Starting point is 00:37:50 nah, fuck this, we've been in a bad mood and done it again from scratch or something. We only did that once. We've only done that once. Twice. I think at least twice. I'm pretty sure. Cereo bow. There's no way we can check that. Cereo bow, I told you.

Starting point is 00:38:03 There's no way we can check that. Now, walko, I told you. There's no way we can check that. Now, walkabout episode. Go on, what's your favourite walkabout? Please, I'd like my voice to be heard. Now is your time. Ganon's Golden Quest, 188. Oh, the first one? Yes. That is when we went the Dollis Green Walk, as you refer to it.

Starting point is 00:38:20 The Dollis Brook Walk, or whatever it was. That is a good one. From North Finchley all the way to... The Heath Extension. Golders Green, the Heath Extension. Yeah, that is a fun one. A lot of people like the third quest. Which is where Ethan joined us.

Starting point is 00:38:34 They've all been fun. And that had the geocache moment where we found a geocache. Which ended up inspiring the geocache. That was great. I love that first one because it was exploring somewhere new to me, but with a very familiar place at the end of it. So it really had that quest feeling. Yeah. Coming from a place that was really familiar from a totally different angle.

Starting point is 00:38:54 Yeah. It's it. Well, I like that is a fun one. I had a real sort of adventure vibe because we did a different activity on each point in the war. I can't remember the second one. The second one was when we met in Highgate, right? No, not Highgate. I can't remember. Highgate?

Starting point is 00:39:13 Yes, was it? And then we went up that route that went up by... Oh, we did the... That was when I hit the tree. Remember I did the swing and then literally swung into a massive tree. Oh, that up there. I remember the fireman thing. The fireman.

Starting point is 00:39:24 Try not to spray it man. Jesus Christ. A big drop of fucking mucoid went right over the fucking mocha plant. I'm excited! I'm excited! Okay sorry. But that was the episode where we had the fireman. Remember we saw those firemen spraying shit? That's right. Wow was that the quest too? Yeah. That was one of the weirdest moments. So we're in this big sort of common and a bunch of firemen with weird spray things. Like backpacks of water spraying the ground. Like insecticide sprayers they seem to be just started walking around like they were looking for something. Weird. And no explanation to this day. No explanation. There was no news story or anything. No don't know what was going on with that. Very strange. If you know why they would be doing that.

Starting point is 00:40:09 And that's when we did the episode where... They were firemen as well. We did, uh, uh, uh, perfection. But you wouldn't let me electrocute you. Because I had the electro, the tens pads. Oh, yeah. What a nutcase. Which is weird because all the way through you're like, I'll take it, I'll do it.

Starting point is 00:40:24 Then at the moment I was like, come on, let's do it. You went. Oh now my back. Hey, hey, did I? Yeah you bottled it Oh my god, you did you even say the episode you bottled it. So I'm not just repeating Did you you didn't get a shot? I used my tethers machine all the time from the back. So why would I but it wouldn't? Oh, yeah, I didn't want yeah, you wanted to put it on me. I didn't want to put it on your back though. I was done. I was fucking done with it. That's why I don't remember that quest. It was good early on, but by the end, I was just like, get me out. I've got all prickles in my bum bum.

Starting point is 00:40:53 You know what I mean? We were sitting down in a bunch of leaves. Prickles in me, bop bop. It was all prickly. Potty prickles. But I like the first golden quest. That's a classic. That is a classic, I would agree.

Starting point is 00:41:02 Follow the Dollis Brook down from North Finchley. Yeah, that's a lot of fun, that i would agree follow the dollis brooke down from north vinchley yeah that's a lot of fun that one all the way to gold is green now special mention walkabout yeah i need more booze because you're fucking getting on my tits one eight one special mention where's the bottle of here i'll pour you some i'll pour you some oh are you gonna foam it up i'm not gonna do that again. You spat at me twice. Two different liquids. Yeah, there's a third on the way, big boy. It's all right. There's a towel. It's very fucked it. It's very fizzy, isn't it? Well, that's because it's fucking effervescent wine knob shit. All right, take it. Take it easy. Oh, the ice is still okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:44 Uh, special mention magical still OK. Yeah. Special mention magical mystery picnic. Remember that one? That's the one from lockdown. That was the first time we met up after lockdown. We went to New Southgate, which is up around here in the north. Can feel something. Yes, the bubbles on this because that was making such a fucking loud noise. Yeah, but it's all bubbles because you fall like a fucking idiot. All right. Do you want a fucking old fashioned or not?

Starting point is 00:42:04 Mr. Simmons taught you fucking nothing as well. I'm getting there. And that magical mystery picnic we had a we made a Bloody Mary yeah and we just sort of hung around in the same area yeah I think we because it was locked down well we spent like six months doing it on zoom the episode and that was the first one was it and this is the first time we met up I gave you a recorder to record your side of things remember then we met up and then we had the picnic and the Bloody Mary. Oh yeah, that is one of my favourites, I have to say. It's a fun one, that. That's kind of a unique sort of one, isn't it?

Starting point is 00:42:32 Because of the sort of historical time it was going out. And we end up on that weird little bit of grassland by the supermarket. That's right, by the big road. Yeah, weird. Weird stuff. Right, Seb Cox says, Got to be the bright and day out at episode 69 for me. Love the recent resurgence of the reference of Eli's thrush.

Starting point is 00:42:49 Obviously referring heavily to episode 69 too. Ah, see I must have told them about it then. I think Eli's forgotten how crispy balls, which didn't happen. Parmesan flakes. So many other episodes too that I love. The Cheap Eats Express is another one that sticks in my mind. That's a good one. And of course, the Fish Shop song.

Starting point is 00:43:04 Oh yeah. Yeah. That, I listen back to that, and when we get into the madness of singing along to that fucking stupid toy, it is quite delirious fun. But that's what I mean about the O'Norman. It's a similar sort of thing, like something that overtakes the whole episode, you know? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:43:20 I do know what I mean. And the O'Norman though had different songs and stuff, you know? It was not just the Fish Shop song. No, the Fish Shop song though is calamitous madness. I do kind of like it Right mate Mate, I've got to go. I've got to make us I want to take a little break and we'll come back We're part is going to get going away. We're gonna keep on going. You come back. Did we yeah The party keeps going on, Cheap Show. I've lost my peeler.

Starting point is 00:43:58 He's lost his peeler. Look at that arse. Look at him, bending over, flirting with me like that. Showing his lovely bones Why are you playing? Turn this music off. We're recording Just press space Space thank you

Starting point is 00:44:17 Just I'm not gonna watch you with you. I just haven't banana fingers press space thing press having banana fingers It is banana fingers. I do not have banana fingers. You do. Little sausage fingers. You have, er... Where's my fucking peeler? I can't believe... I get everything ready.

Starting point is 00:44:35 Well you don't, do you? Because you haven't got your peeler. I even said to you, have you got your peeler? No you didn't. You said you're doing it again. I'm doing it again. The party keeps on going here at Cheap Show. We're having a great time. Eli's made some old-fashioned But he's fucked it because he can't find his peeler. I said this keep him peeled for your peeler And he said nothing he didn't react to that And he's dropped his phone I'll pick it up for him. I'll put it on his bed

Starting point is 00:45:04 I could do everything else in his fucking life Anyway, hello everyone the party keeps on going. I'm just gonna read this up This is by ain't see me and they say their favorite episode is any war called night busing episode So you can just read it out while I'm not here. So I don't even get to fucking participate at all. Yep. That's the plan Yes night busossing has become Patreon favorites and also we quite like doing them although there's always a tinge of danger, a tinge of uncertainty. Well Paul I was going to mention to you. Yeah you should. You know you mentioned the deriv, you know what you need to do is press the big round button on the top of that to stop it humming. Thank you. Thank you for being considerate to the sound quality of this recording, it's appreciated. Now give me my fucking lighter or I'll cut you.

Starting point is 00:45:50 The Deriv Riot walkabout and how that was nice because it was random. And we talked about, for the next night busing didn't we, going to Highgate on a certain bus, the party bus. Yes, party bus. And then getting another bus sort of randomly from there. 214. That's the party bus. That's the party bus. Motherfucking party bus. That's the motherfucking party bus. Motherfucking party bus.

Starting point is 00:46:10 214, Pussy's Juicing on the Floor. 121212124, Pussy Juicing on the Floor. Motherfucking party bus. It's a motherfucking party bus. That's pre-cheap show. That's pre-cheap show of law. Yeah. Anyway, Fran, if you're listening, your OG girl.

Starting point is 00:46:24 Because she remembers it being the party bus. Yeah, she does. She said she of Lore. Yeah. Anyway, Fran, if you're listening, you're OG, girl. Because she remembers it being the party bus. Yeah, she does. She said she came off, apparently. Excuse me. She was with us at a gig at the brew house. And then we went on the 214 home. And apparently her overriding memory is you piss as a fart

Starting point is 00:46:39 screaming party bus. Pussy juicy on the floor. This the fucking 214, something to that extent. It is the party bus. Because obviously he's always been a fucking gentleman as our Eli Sorry, like again surprise surprise Now is there anyone worse in the world than Silla Black? That's what I got my question. She's dead. So it was there anyone worse in the world. I'm gonna have to Can I just say what you like was she worse than polka dots or classic? I'm gonna have to stir these. Can I just say, which glass do you like?

Starting point is 00:47:05 Was she worse than Pol Pot? Polka dots or classic? I want the polka dots one. Would you like me to burn the orange expression? I would very much like you to burn the orange expression. Really? Okay. I'm gonna give it a good because the sugar needs to dissolve with it, mate. Now, if there's any justice in the world, Future Paul,

Starting point is 00:47:26 you have put the whole Russ Abbott album on the playing in the background of this episode so far. You can't have Russ Abbott's. It will hit the contract. Not if I keep it quiet enough and I speed up it and insert your sound track. Do some instrumental stuff, mate. I want to put party music on because we're recording it. Stop doing it! It's actually doing my head doing it. It's actually doing my head in now It's actually doing my head in now. I have to keep doing it. Yeah, we'll take it off the table Maybe I don't know it because you're reaching over and I'm riddled with anxiety about it

Starting point is 00:47:54 You're ruining my party vibe. You want your drink to be fucking cold don't you? While you're doing that, let me read this by Layton J favorite episodes But while you're doing that, let me read this by Layton J. Favorite episodes, 144, Poo Poo Out Of Bumhole. This is where I got on board after seeing a recommendation, The Guardian of All Places. They did recommend us once, but that was from someone else writing into The Guardian to recommend us. It wasn't The Guardian themselves. I think it was Ed. Remember Ed?

Starting point is 00:48:19 He always pops in and out of our live shows. Oh, Ed. It contained references on the hours when I knew I was in the right place with the right people. Episode 81, Cockabonkers, when you dig into the history of Noel Edmonds and DLT. I need that lighter back. And then put the boot in. And I used a clip, he used a clip of that episode

Starting point is 00:48:35 on his YouTube video for Noel's house party. Yeah, Layton J is making episodes about Noel's house party. Hello Layton. If you hate yourself, go watch those videos and remember how Noel Edmonds wants real BBC. And finally, episode 91, Grumpy Sessions, The Birth of a Legend.

Starting point is 00:48:50 True. I would say he's our best character full stop. Oh, now you say that? It's largely due to my input, but the inspiration for me- What was The Birth of a Legend was the original? No, it was the recent one. No.

Starting point is 00:49:02 No, it was the- What did he say episode? Wasn't that called The Cream of Acting? No, it was the recent one. No, it was the... What did he say episode? Wasn't that called the cream of acting? No, it was the Christmas episode we did call the cream of something or other. Here you go. Episode 91 we first brought him in. Wow. I didn't know it was that soon. Oh, that smells good. Old fashioned alright?

Starting point is 00:49:18 Yeah. Oh, I love an old fashioned there. As we get older on Cheap Show, we mature. I think you'll agree we mature in our tastes and in our behavior. An old-fashioned to be fair Paul is a quite accessible cocktail. It's sweet you know it's boozy. It's pack-a-pong. It's it's booze forward. It's booze forward. If you like the taste of bourbon you'll probably like an old-fashioned. Yeah of course and do, so I will. Where's that fucking spoon gone now? Fuck me! The room is just eating everything!

Starting point is 00:49:49 Right there, under the fucking bed. Jesus Christ! Now move it off the table. Just want to stir it for a second here. So you don't care about the audio quality and the bingy-bangy bosh? People like that, it's very ASMR. I tell you who doesn't, Future Paul doesn't fucking like it. Well, you'd hate him.

Starting point is 00:50:05 Yeah, but Future Paul... What do you care about that guys? Each little nib... what do you call them? Pickens. Yeah, it's his pickings. Niblets. No, pickings. The nibblets are what he picks, but they're pickings.

Starting point is 00:50:15 Oh, right. It's the universal phrase of pickings. I see. Yeah. Each one is a niblet, but the whole class of objects is pickings. Yeah, the genre is pickings. The genre of pickings. Right, I genre is pickings. The genre of pickings. Right, I'm having me old fashioned.

Starting point is 00:50:28 Oh, and it's Angostura Bitter, brown sugar. And in this instance, JD, Mr. Jack of Daniels. Not a lot. I just hope it's the sugar is sort of melted enough. I'll do nicely. Really? Oh, yeah, that's actually quite nicely balanced. Good, because I can see the sugar that is undissolved on the bottom but that means it will evolve. It will in time. That's actually pretty nice. That's nice when it gets sweeter as it goes down.

Starting point is 00:50:53 Do you know there's like an alcoholic-y huff with JD. It's not there in this. It's kind of like neutered. I think JD for a cheap bourbon. Although they try and, you know, tell you it's not bourbon. Yeah, they're elevated, don't they? No, for a cheap bourbon although they try and you know tell you it's not bourbon yeah they leave they're elevated don't they no for a cheap bourbon what's that? oh i don't know hot heat it was the heat followed by the real strong brown sugar sweetness

Starting point is 00:51:15 oh yeah it was like someone set fire to my mouth for a little moment definitely demerara is the right one to use again i mean i know white sugar is easy to get but brown sugar? Demerara? No, you've fucked that. Demerara have I? Or have I improved it? Paul, I just have to say again if it's any jokes that someone has made up recently.

Starting point is 00:51:36 Yeah. I told the police. That's my story, don't stick into it. Not even your gang. I told the police. Where's my lighter? No, it goes like this police Where is my lighter? Where is my lighter? Where is my lighter? The police didn't believe me when I told them I'd written my autograph Autobiography on flypaper, but that's my story. I'll just do it one time one time. Go on. Clean and action! And you can't interrupt me. I won't because I respect you

Starting point is 00:52:01 Unlike you who interrupts me at every breath I take Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman with his classic gag. Go. The police wouldn't believe me when I told them I'd written my autobiography on flypaper. But that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I got it out. I got it out quite clearly. Time for a sip of the old. Sip of the old. Right, Dom's. Aren't we gonna say something about... What? Yeah, you know what I mean? It's come out

Starting point is 00:52:31 quite balanced and nice. It's not like overwhelming. That works. The taste of Jack Daniels works in this. Oh baby. Right, Dom's1982 said to us, I'll throw episode 62, Mary Minj Muncher into the hat. Mary Minj Muncher? Is that the episode with the Jumanji episode? Yeah, where we go and that's the dragon, which didn't happen. Yes, that's funny because those aren't mentioned as narrative episodes. Those are really are kind of hybrid. Yeah, like that.

Starting point is 00:52:57 And there was one or two others, I think. That is inspired. I'll be honest, this is inspired by where I'm sorry, I haven't a clue. And decades old, I mean mean like 50 year old is it 60 years even though radio for comedy panel show and they used to have like special Christmas specials where they would they'd fold in the games of the show with the narrative of the conceit of that year so like whether it was Christmas Carol or Jack and the Beanstalk or whatever they would fold in narrative with the games of the show.

Starting point is 00:53:25 Which is what we do. Which is basically what I stole. But also that's like the Orient Express episode is like that. Yeah, that was designed to be like that as well. And my favorite walkabout, The Quest, also has like cheap show segment magazine bits within a different... and we're talking about doing one. And for the warning, 450 might be that as well. Which is? Part narrative. We're not going to say we'll spoiler warning, 450 might be that as well. Which is part narrow.

Starting point is 00:53:45 We're not going to say we'll save it, but it will be tangentially involved with the album. It will be something you can listen to along with the album, in many respects. One will lead to the other. Whilst we're on the subject of walkabouts, also I really do want to do the New River. And you know what?

Starting point is 00:53:59 And I want to do Haversham County Park. Fine. Have you ever heard of that? It's out east. It's a really interesting route. Okay. But listen, the New River actually starts here. County Park. Fine. Have you ever heard of that? It's out east. It's a really interesting route. Okay. But listen, the new river actually starts here.

Starting point is 00:54:08 Would you want to start from the reservoir? Start from the very beginning and then go see as far as we can go? I want to walk all the way. That's proper urban safari style. We could go for four hours. We could go for four hours. Mate, the fucking Regions Canal episode was a fucking, like, what, eight hour walk in all in the end.

Starting point is 00:54:24 We did it We started midday didn't get there till eight Really remember because we went to wag as afterwards and got is that true that is true and that weird weird experience my mistake of fucking saying They fucking it was almost like they were rested to this stuff. Oh, okay, man. I was like very what is it? You are very literally he was like yeah, I'm allergic to fish and she was like, well, what is it you have literally? He was like, yeah, I'm allergic to fish. And she was like, okay, the manager's gonna come and see you. Stop everything. Close the shop down. All the managers and corporate are gonna come down right now. Fucking hell. Don't fucking move from your table. You can't. Weird. Was weird.

Starting point is 00:54:58 Media like a food these days as well. Let me read this out. Charlie von Karma. Yeah, I said it. E-mailed us to say, favorite favorite episodes I wanted to start by saying I love all the different aspects and layout to the Cheap Show episodes however I believe the way that Paul and Eli managed to balance crude this comedy in a bit their own reality alongside interesting facts information in their out and about episodes and deep dives are absolutely perfect they are some of my favorite episodes I adore the Winky Saga. That's a deep dive that's what you do here's another one. There are other deep dives, but they don't usually span more than one episode.

Starting point is 00:55:28 You see what I mean? Yeah. Every now and then we'll spread something out over. I want to mention one, if I'm going to talk about my favorite deep dive. I know I've talked about it a lot, but I do want to mention that after you've read that. All right. As much as I adore the Winky Saga, honestly, I've listened to the Dangerous Davies episode more times than I can count. Yeah, I love that episode.

Starting point is 00:55:44 That is a low-key classic, that one. I can't believe I haven't put that in my favorite Walkabout. It's funny as well because in... You don't think of it, I guess. It's one of those weird ones where like it's... We're making a big deal out of something really quite boring and trite. It was boring, but it was so... Kind of weirdly interesting from a kind of...

Starting point is 00:56:03 Was that like a... Psycho-geographical? Yeah geographical that from point of view point Yeah The Davies episode is the perfect balance of a deep dive into interesting lost media plus two lads hanging around London and talking about interesting Facts and fantasies about the city itself. Yeah, it's lost the whole thing with me and my history being in that part of the world and stuff Yeah, they also which does add something poor. I actually does add something. I agree I also love the sounds of London episode. That's a good one as well. Oh Paul. Have you seen I've got the Sounds of Bristol?

Starting point is 00:56:31 No. Yes. I've got one exactly the same called Sounds of Bristol which we could do. But you also have Sounds of New York. Remember that one? Yes and Sounds of New York. So if we end up going to New York next year, we could maybe do a new version of that episode. Maybe we should start putting stuff aside if we are going to do that. You have all the records, so yeah, you do it. Well, I will. So are we putting a pin?

Starting point is 00:56:51 Are we hooking a lantern on that? Or hanging a lantern on it, yeah. Putting a pin in it. No, putting a pin on it means we'll get back to it later. Hanging a lantern on it means we'll come to it later. We're going to put a pin in and then put a lantern. That'd be quite a small lantern. We'll hang a lantern from a pin.

Starting point is 00:57:04 It'd have to be a very sturdy pin verging on a nail or a small lantern. Or some kind of like leg. Right, I will say the absolute travel chaos of the Day Clipper episode kept me coming back. It's especially good for a long travel life. That was good as well. Perhaps that's why I'm also a big fan of the night busing episodes as well. Night busing forever! The Day Clipper episode has a similar vibe.

Starting point is 00:57:26 Anyway, I've spoken too much, I really look forward to the anniversary celebrations and I wait... The animations? Thank you, I've read it wrong. Can you... I need to take over the reading because it's really degenerating, Paul. I'm not even trying to have a go. Why don't you do this one then? Read clearly. You do this one while I...

Starting point is 00:57:40 Even one drink in. ...smokety-pifty-boo! Drink your fucking old fashioned mate. I need to put my reading glasses on. Ayoo, oh my, oh my, I thought I'd take a... I think you should use your inhaler. Do be doh, doh, do be doh, poor. We really have gone to fucking back room at a working man's club stage here.

Starting point is 00:58:01 When can I wank is my question. Yeah. When can I wobble my trouble? This is literally... Anyway. Why can I watch my show? Anyway, what can I what my trouble? Do you know what Paul? I'll tell you one thing that's fucking sure for sure Beast coming. I tell you one thing that's fucking for sure Paul. I'll tell you one thing, right? I'll tell you one thing Happy birthday. This isn't gonna be a fucking classic Say happy birthday day day day. Who's that one? Happy birthday. This isn't gonna be a fucking classic. Happy birthday, happy birthday day day. Who's that one? Happy birthday. Are they called the waitresses or something like that? No they're not. Claire Grogan. But what was the name of the band she was in? Come on, Prick. I can't remember the band name.

Starting point is 00:58:37 Fucking Prick. Was that Claire Grogan? Who was it? Altered Images, wasn't it? Altered Images, yeah. Was it Altered Image or something? Altered image, yeah. That rings a bell. I don't know if that's right, but. Happy birthday. Was she like a TV presenter later on? She did a bit of TV. Most famously, she was Kaczanski in Red Wolf series one, two, and then eventually she came back in some fucking later series.

Starting point is 00:58:58 I was attracted. She was she had that kind of cute kind of tomboy look to her, you know, which is exactly what I know Eli likes. I like that. Which infers... Fucking hell, Paul. Not going to say nothing, Governor. Doesn't infer that.

Starting point is 00:59:11 Fuck. It's a weird association with fucking women in fucking, uh, fucking dongeries. That's what it comes down to. Dongery, I do like dongeries. Women in dongeries. See, there we go. Dirty, dirty Eli. They're not my favourite thing.

Starting point is 00:59:23 Just shut up. Eli and his dirty dongery girls. How about that? I see, there we go. Dirty, dirty Eli. Just shut up. Eli and his dirty, dongery girls. How about that? I don't think that's that funny. Now, hello. Hello. I'm a long time listener.

Starting point is 00:59:33 Who is it? This is Dean Griesley. Hello, Dean. Hello, Dean. Hello, I'm a long time listener. I've even sent stuff from Spain. Episode 186 Cheap Show Babies. Fried egg crisps.ps yeah I remember those

Starting point is 00:59:46 good they're nice good good and that was before you could get them in the shops here because now you get those posh chips crisps in the shops all over the place don't you I like the truffle ones why we're always ahead of the game on cheap show if you like noodles everyone I just bought a truffle flavored instant noodle by mama and it's from their oriental kitchen or okay range Yeah, we'll get to that in future times covered before the carbonara carbonara No, we did the salted egg one Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all coming together. We did the fault salted egg. Okay. Okay mama Oriental kitchen it's poetry it rhymes. What's that from George Lucas?

Starting point is 01:00:23 Who said that about the prequel trilogy? It's all poetry it rhymes. What's that from? George Lucas who said that about the prequel trilogy. It's all poetry, it rhymes. Did the lines actually rhyme? No, he said that in a documentary behind the scenes about how he thought Phantom Menace was very clever because it was his quote unquote, it's poetry, it rhymes, referring back to things that already were set up in the original trilogy. Oh, it's echoes, it's rhyming. What he means to say is, it's shit.

Starting point is 01:00:43 It's shit. It's the best of the best of the prequels. I think, honestly rhyming, yeah, okay. What he means to say is... It's shit. It's shit. But... It's the best of the prequels. I will say, honestly, honestly, honestly, I think The Phantom Menace is the best of the trilogy. Yeah, I agree. In terms of iconography, more people have... And it's got the best scene of the whole trilogy in it.

Starting point is 01:00:55 Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Is that the music from the scene? War of Fates or something they call it. Which is from the Darth Maul fight. Yeah. And the the the the pod racing scene is fucking great. I honestly...

Starting point is 01:01:10 Yeah. What's the next? No, but I wanted... I'm reading. Oh, have you finished it? No, and I'm going to read the next one. Just fucking... Well, I'll pick that one because you don't know what the next email is.

Starting point is 01:01:19 So let me get it for you is all I'm saying, darling. OK. Anyway. Hello. I'm a long time listener. Even sent stuff from Spain. Episode 186 Cheap Show Babies, Friday Crisps. That's where we got to. Yeah. I love all the episodes, but the scripted, seasonal and guests. I'm in with Dean. Dean gets us. Does he, Dean?

Starting point is 01:01:40 Dirty Dean does get us. Well, he's just named the three favourite things I like as well. What was that? Guests? Scripted, by which he probably means narrative. Yeah, because we don't- Spoilers! We script fucking nothing. We do-

Starting point is 01:01:54 We bullet point it. We bullet, we beat what they call beat it. Well that's what Spinal Tap did, not that I'm comparing ourselves to us, but- We improvise it. Yeah, beat sheets is what they call them. Beat sheet, that's it. I've got a beat sheet. We beat sheet, yes. When I wank under the covers. It's called rustler. I'm a rustler

Starting point is 01:02:08 I'm a midnight rustler. Shut up. Fucking Russell with Russell. Okay, get you ready for this now I get my dick in Warren's arse. Oh Happy 10th anniversary. When is Stuart Millard on good question, Dean? We've asked you it many times and he's up for it. Does he appear on anyone else's stuff? No. We don't see him. No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:02:28 But we've extended the hand to Stuart and I've said whenever he wants to do it, just get in touch because we would love to have Stuart on. I fucking love Stuart's YouTube channel. It's kind of annoying because he does the stuff I wish I could do, but in his own idiosyncratic voice. He's got the expertise though. Like you said, they go back to that website where they used to... What's that called? You said there was a website that lots of people who were into old TV and stuff,

Starting point is 01:02:51 pre social media. What's it called? TV Cream used to be that. He comes from that kind of world. And Stuart Ashens is similar. He comes from that sort of, you know, pre smartphone internet world. You know what I'm getting at? I love Stuart's work and whenever he wants to come on the show,

Starting point is 01:03:07 he's welcome to, but it's on him, not us. We'll just keep the door open for him. And Dean finishes with, also, how about that bloke from YouTube, Rose Tinted Spectrum? That doesn't ring a bell. I'll have a little look for that, but please get the next one up for me.

Starting point is 01:03:21 That does ring a bell, but right now my brain's blank. Can we say something about our favorite next thing well I say hang on what did I put in because I did message you didn't I hang on where is Eli I'm gonna scroll up and I'm read at my messages I said my favorite episode was Winky my favorite live show episode 300 easily that is the best live show performance I've ever had to have that many fans who like our stuff that we don't have to win over with hack material And put on a show like that is one of my favorite things and also We're doing that for 500 this time next year 500 is gonna be epic

Starting point is 01:03:55 So if you ever want to come and see us live 500 is the time to come. I'm just gonna say that now I said my favorite walkabout was this but I I've changed my mind now. My favourite narrative episode is the Die Hard on a podcast episode. I fucking love that. You're getting ahead of yourself. Can I respond? Yes, that is when I finish your sentence and you're allowed to then respond to now respond, please. So what were you talking about? What was your favourite? My favourite narrative episode and live show. I said my favourite live show is 300 because it is.

Starting point is 01:04:26 Well, I've got 300. Yeah, because it is. Honestly, to go out on stage and see what? 550 people who came to see us. That's a bit of a lighter. I know like some podcasts get thousands of fucking whatever, but for us to have a packed out theater space and do a two and a bit hour show. It was great.

Starting point is 01:04:43 It was beautiful. And a good sound, a nice big a bit hours show. It was great was beautiful a good good sound good Yeah, nice big stage nice good lighting Yeah, I mean cuz I remember that gig we did right really early on at the conference at Comic Con in And the NEC or whatever. No, it's not the NEC. It's the Excel Center. That's right. Yeah, the sound was atrocious Just not a theater. The theatre was an inflatable fucking dome. So all you could hear is the fucking fans in the background going wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo.

Starting point is 01:05:10 Yeah, it was even and also a sort of hum, an enveloping hum from the rest of the conference. It was it was a bad idea to try and do live shows at Comic Cons because unless you're fucking super popular, no one coming. Yes. But what I'm saying about 300 is nice. Technically, it kind of worked out as well. Yeah, it's nice, you know. Let me go back into the emails and pick up another one for you now, darling.

Starting point is 01:05:34 Bear with me. What was your favorite narrative episode then? The diehard one. We haven't talked about that. I know, but I just said the diehard one. That's the one I'm most happy with. Charity Shop of Chills is a good Christmasy one, but there are flaws in that that really stick out to me. I've run it the one I'm most happy with charity shop of chills is a good Christmasy one, but there are flaws in that that really stick out to me I'm wrong way just just the way we've mixed it and sometimes the narrative gets lost at certain points

Starting point is 01:05:52 It doesn't quite hang together, but I like it. But in terms of like charity shop of chills. What number is that? Like look it up. It's some great artwork By vorotoni. Yeah, and also it has some great artwork by Vorotoni. Yeah. And also, it was like our Portmanteau horror one. Yeah. It had three separate horror stories, one with little orphan boy. You don't hear from him very often these days.

Starting point is 01:06:15 No, well, you know, he's fucking dead, isn't he? The rapture. Richard Brandoff, that's your favourite bit, isn't it? Richard Brandoff sticking the phone back up his arse in jail. You know what, to be fair, one of my favourite episodes narratively-wise, if I don't do Die Hard and I have to pick another one, I'd probably go for the wedding of the grumpy lady plops. They are parallels, because these are both the major resets for the character universes that we've done, aren't they? But there was something epic about that one that I really, really liked, how it kind of starts low-key with the wedding and then ends Up with a full fucking apocalypse. We planned that more than any other episode that was gonna didn't we that was like two years

Starting point is 01:06:50 You know episode for 250 where it's like it's gonna be a simple episode We pretend to be in a casino and ends up being a fucking 18 fucking hour recording session and it's no one's favorite Is it no? But it's got some good bits in it It really does have some good bits in it. Like when we see Grumpy Sessions, or we see Bobby Bollocks doing the live show with Sticky Vicky and there's a really lovely bit. Well, it's like too much. And then there's the kind of protracted poker game where we lose the show to Biffo. Oh yeah, but there was too much. We were bit off more than we could chew, didn't we? Really? There was too

Starting point is 01:07:22 much going on in that episode but again it ends with brand off and jimmy biscuits forming an alliance from robbing the casino which they did over and over again yeah yeah they did that was red noseday yeah yeah but that is actually as we're talking about it that is my favorite that's what i chose as my favorite what narrative one yeah is that the the telethon no that's red knob day Knob Day. That's yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is the telethon. Yeah, that's my favorite. That's a full one. I said that's my favorite because all the characters are bedded in. Yeah. You've got a whole the backstage. I just thought it really hung together kind of worked. Yeah, it might be almost cohesive. I'll say that. Do you see what I mean? Yeah,

Starting point is 01:08:01 it was cohesive and it has that one of my favorite narrative scenes is multi-fibbage and um. Oh and grumpy sessions kids show thing. As Professor, Professor Whizzo or whatever he's called. With his ice cream van. I love that bit. I thought that the edit you did, the sound effects was great. Oh yeah, well he absorbs the kid into him.

Starting point is 01:08:18 Yeah. Yeah, it's got the folk horror, it's things we've been trying to do. Hauntology, 70s, blah blah blah. So check out Red Knob Day if you want a narrative episode. We ought to do another one. Are we going to do a narrative episode again? Yeah, 450 will be. We want to use the new characters. But 450 is going to be a narrative episode.

Starting point is 01:08:34 We want to use the new characters. Yeah. Who are? Well, we've got Trackbot. And then we've got- Why Traveled Rob? And Cardinal C. And-

Starting point is 01:08:41 Cardinal C, and John Gunty. And Gareth the Ghost Hunter. And Gareth the Ghost Hunter. Five. That's five is good enough i reckon garth the ghost hunter and track bot are like all-time classics oh my god give me a lighter so i can smoke john gunty is an all-time classic my friend is john gunty the one who has the wife yeah i like that one with a hype-ish voice yeah i do like he's a food review guy. Yeah. Anyway. Here's the other one, Why Travelling Rob? Why Travelled Rob? That's a good one. Yeah, thanks Paul. Yeah. Alright. So we're enjoying the new characters.

Starting point is 01:09:09 I like Cardinal Sin, I like Trackbot as well from Gannum. Cardinal Sin. Gareth the Ghost Hunter, I like him more. Alright. Now, hello Paul and Eli. Hello. Who is this? This is Eili6... Oh, it's John Eili. Yeah. John. John. Thank you. Hello. Hello John. You asked for favorite episode stroke moments from the show. Yeah. Thank you mine personally was one of the first episodes I listened to you did a sketch on wank chalets at holiday camps Of course we fucking did I can't remember which episode it was. I can't remember what fucking episode that is But I can remember laughing myself stupid at it

Starting point is 01:09:42 I can't remember what the f*****g episode that is. But I can remember laughing myself stupid at it. It was also the reason I stopped listening to the podcast out in public, as I was laughing so much if anyone saw me, they would have thought I was mad. Yeah, to be fair, I've caught myself laughing at myself on train journeys when I... Because when I edit an episode... I don't care, I just laugh, the people love me, ahhhhhh! Usually when I upload an episode, then I'll download it to love me. Ah, ah, ah, ah, I don't care. Usually when I upload an episode, then I'll download it to myself and listen back and kind of try and listen to it

Starting point is 01:10:08 objectively. And then I go, can't believe we got a fucking way with that. Congratulations on your 10th anniversary and to many more. All the best, John. Thank you very much. Let me pay another one for you. This is from Alex Rowley. I'll read this one out.

Starting point is 01:10:24 Hi, Paul and Eli, happy 10th. I've been listening for about five years and I've worked my way through every episode. Silverman's platter segment never fails to please me. There's not been a bad episode. I disagree with that. Here's a few highlights. The episode where Robert Popper brought the music on and did the jumping horses thing. I love that. That was pretty fucking good. Who can forget the outsider art of the Derek episodes? Of course, the Derek episodes. We haven't even mentioned the Derek episodes. So thank you for Tom for that legacy. Oh I love the Derek episode. One of my favorite special episodes of the charity shop of chill is a showcase of Eli's talent. Thank you very much.

Starting point is 01:10:57 And fantastic sound design. Thank you very much. You've got to be proud of that one. I love grumpy sessions. The recent episode grumpy show real was the joy of hauntology on the 1970s after trip kids TV show and it was excellently created. I'm not even mentioning Winky or the cheap show TV episodes or the diehard on a podcast. Keep making them. Here's to the next 10 years. Alex. Oh, here's a quick one. I'll read this one out. This is from also Oco. Boy, you've got me through some tough times over the years. You're absolute irreverence and mischief. Make my Friday every week 10 more years. Thank you very much. Right. This one's from Naomi Barrell. You can read this one out. Read it, you prick. Not your phone. No one's contacting you on your phone.

Starting point is 01:11:36 Lots of people are actually. Sorry. Yeah, but did they tell you how great you are and what fucking wonderful content you've made? Sometimes. We don't. No, they don't. You've got no friends. You've got people who's grown out of you, who contact you out of fucking... I can't believe you're doing it again. Stop doing that. No one loves you no more. Only me. Only me love you.

Starting point is 01:11:55 Only me love you. You are damaged. And you owe me. You know that? Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it bad. I'll do it bad five times. Naomi Barrell.

Starting point is 01:12:03 Hello Naomi. Naomi. It's one of those words, those names, isn't it? Yeah, what do you mean, one of those names? I hope it can be pronounced a lot of different ways. Naomi. Naomi. Yeah, those two ways. That's it. And others. Naomi. Like Eli and Ellie.

Starting point is 01:12:20 Yes, which fucks me off. Yeah, it should do. I'd be angry. I tell you what, Paul, I said this the other day. Yeah. I don't think anyone who hasn't heard my name spoken and seen it written down in any context my whole life has ever got my name fucking right. That shop continues to not get your name wrong. You did that right. You did that on purpose. I did tell them on purpose though, yeah. Okay. Naomi Barrell. Been listening since 2017. Fuck, you know.

Starting point is 01:12:43 Christ. Thanks, Naomi. Thank you, Sue. You've got me through some tough 2017. Fuck you know. Christ. Thanks, Naomi. Thank you, Sue. You've got me through some tough times. Thank you. Now, this is the other thing. Yeah. That it's relatively laughs.

Starting point is 01:12:52 There's getting through tough times, which I have to say, Paul, I don't understand. Yeah, but that's not for us. Laughter cures you, I guess. If there is one and a half. Yeah. If the one and a half, 90 minutes of the week where you can turn your brain off and have a fucking laugh and forget about real life and we're part of that then that's all we can say. We are escapism. I know a lot of people are like, a lot of people aim to be prescient.

Starting point is 01:13:16 I think we aim to be evergreen. Aim to be prescient you mean? Like topical. No, that's not what that means it is no it means we've done no we've done this before but the same prescient means predictive it doesn't it fucking does fucking doesn't pressing just means of the moment no no it doesn't it does look it up can i read this just hold put a pin in that i can't put a pin in it put a pin in that you got that wrong we've done this one i've served, I've done this before with you.

Starting point is 01:13:46 Precient means getting it right, getting the future right. It doesn't mean that. It does. It doesn't mean that. Wanker! You're gonna be wrong, you're gonna be so wrong. You're gonna be wrong. I tell you what, you're either gonna be wrong, or we're both gonna be wrong, but you're not gonna be right.

Starting point is 01:13:59 You're gonna be wrong. You're gonna be wrong. And I'm gonna be right. You're not. For once. I know I've been wrong a lot recently. You're not. Okay, and I know I've been wrong a lot recently. Okay and I own that. I can own that. Nearly all the time. Whatever you want to say but. Wanker!

Starting point is 01:14:13 Two bottles of Prosecco, one bottle of Prosecco. No don't have any more. How moe is in this? Save me some. I'll pour you some now darling. Let me do it without foaming up. You read this email. Been listening since 2017. You got me through some tough times. Thank you very much Naomi. Especially 2020, Covid lockdown. It was hard for a lot of people that. Yeah, I am surprised we made it through 2020. You know what though, once I got into the flow of lockdown. I know. I love it. I know, I was the same. I never want to leave my fucking house again. You know, it's that sort of introverted, agoraphobic sort of part of me, I guess. Give me an excuse to not deal with humans. I still went out of the house, but I liked it when no one else was going out of the house.

Starting point is 01:14:54 Then I could be out of the house. Anyway, public shitting went up like a hundred percent. Covid lockdown. I always look forward to Fridays, love walkabout and night bus in common night bus and keeps coming I wasn't we're gonna have to promote night bus into some kind of other thing. No, it's a Only pop podcast. Yeah, it is the same. It explains everyone. It's a night bus an episode where we get on night bus We go traveling. It's a whole spin-off podcast fucking great It's tin you a danger a mystery last time We took the the night 89 all the way from the furthest out part of London you can be a really good route it's great it was chef's kiss man I'm handing you back

Starting point is 01:15:33 your phone pass wobbly's castle look up prescient and what that means just a simple thing to do okay Google what does prescient mean having or showing knowledge of events before they take place a Yeah, that's what I fucking said! No, it's not, Paul. It is. No, okay, whatever. Fine, that's not what you said. We are off the moment.

Starting point is 01:15:51 You said off the moment. That's not, that says before they take place. So there's two, there's a sort of tense thing going here with the tenses, which I was right about. You're not right about it. I was right about it! Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you. Everyone, he about it. Fuck you. Fuck you!

Starting point is 01:16:05 Fuck you. Everyone he just got owned on. Fuck you in the eye. And I told him that, I told him that he's using it wrong before on an episode. And the same thing fucking happened. Fuck you in the eye. Fuck you in the eyes and the mouth and the ears and the nose. You know what the difference between you and me Paul is?

Starting point is 01:16:22 I can accept when I'm wrong. You can't! Of everyone I know you fucking can't do that. You wanker! Fucking wanker! Fucking wanker. Oh my word. No more old fashions for you. Who was the one you just read out? Do you remember? Naomi Burrell. Alright, next one. Bill Wilson.

Starting point is 01:16:43 I've already posted one but since you asked, the episode with Tim Heidecker truly feels like a highlight. Any other behind the scenes stories of guests you would like to have or almost have. Tim Heidecker is an interesting one. A gent, really. He was a lot, I mean look, I'm not a fan of guest episodes, especially guest episodes of a high quality of that, like Robert Popper and him. Because I kind of feel like they gave us our time their time but then after that they kind

Starting point is 01:17:09 of washed their hands well that's the way the world yeah exactly it's not a criticism it's an observation but when that Tim Heinecker came in I think he was a bit guarded at first but then by the time the episode was in the last half hour of the recording I think he was into it yes but I think and it was listeners maybe don't aren't so tuned into that and that's what I was gonna say for me I was so nervous it was in a very unfamiliar we were out in LA in in Brian's house yeah right God bless you Brian his fantastic garage he does these recordings and stuff brilliant but unfamiliar and so a comedian who I admire so much

Starting point is 01:17:46 Yeah, who I weirdly have a social What do they call it? Parasocial A parasocial relationship Because of On Cinema Even though I'm not involved in the on cinema Twitter or whatever But I still feel like I have a parasocial kind of connection there Yeah, which is very weird when he's coming over and he's in your podcast

Starting point is 01:18:04 Yeah, so I felt nervous, I felt, and if I listen back, all I can hear is how nervous you and me are and how we're not doing as well. Do you see what I mean? So I can't enjoy it, but it's great that someone did enjoy it and that's what it's all about. It is hard to objectively rate the guest episodes because in some instances, like when we have Nick Helmond, we know Nick. Yeah. So it's like it's fine. I've got a problem. I've got a problem with people I admire too much who I've never met before. I admit that. Like Robert Popper, like Gareth Reynolds. I'm not Popper, I didn't have that because I didn't know who the fuck he was. I didn't have that problem with Popper.

Starting point is 01:18:35 No, but Gareth Reynolds. Yes. That's who I was going to solve. Yes. Who I think was a bit kind of also that was a Zoom call which I'm like, you know, yeah, I'm not into. I mean, thank you for him for doing it. No, great. It was fun. It was fine. But again, it has that, you know, for us the guests... And then you weirdly close up, you clam up on the other big guests. Yeah, this is why the guests... And you don't let the Eli fight. But that's why I'm happy that some of me still comes through and they're still enjoyable to people, the guest episode. I mean in terms of like my favorite guests, I mean like having to meet Robert Popper and

Starting point is 01:19:08 Tim Heidecker and speaking to Gareth Reynolds or Heise, but in terms of the episodes themselves, it's like they're not my favorites. Yes. Do you see what I mean? It's a weird position. It's a unique sort of position we have towards the guest episodes, but it's great that people enjoy them. Yeah, I'm glad they do.

Starting point is 01:19:25 It's another string to the bow of the podcast as well. It's another, it shows that we can do professional, we can be in the world of professional podcasting with other people from the space. I chased Gareth Reynolds, for example, for a long time to get him on the podcast. You really did. And eventually he was like,

Starting point is 01:19:40 yeah, well, I'm coming to the UK anyway, so let me see if I can shift some tickets by being on your podcast. Fine. It's one from Christopher Lovejoy who says, OG fan here, been listening to 20 been listening, sorry, since 2015 with the latitude episode being a particular fave. Oh, yeah, that's one of the first that's like episode like nine or 10 or something. But that was when we like went to latitude because you were doing even cheap show then no it was cheap show YouTube did I say I was in Southampton at that time and we did it remotely because I played clips of all the recording it wasn't cheap it was cheap show yes we you'd already repackaged

Starting point is 01:20:17 100% you'd already repackaged the Uniqueables it was already Uniqueables Unclickables no no no no Unique, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wet hot latitude summer episode. Paul, Paul. No, no, seriously. Seriously. Yeah. Just call- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha bring a sheen. Oh my god. And you couldn't even fucking do that because you are sausage banana man hands, Eli silver glands. That's what you fucking are. I've just got a sniff of your balls. Yeah. Uniquables. Uniquables. They are unique. You're right. My balls have a unique flavour and texture. Oh. Anyway. Beef. Is it beef? The latitude episode is definitely just a Cheap Show episode. Because remember you were doing it over Skype with me.

Starting point is 01:21:28 Fine. I'm not going to fight you on that. I agree. Yeah. You know better. You were doing Universal Genius and we were doing Geekatorium at that time. At that latitude festival. I need to listen to that one back. Because it's clips and then we talk between the clips. Is that the one where I didn't bring the sheet? Yeah. And I've never let that go. Was that the last latitude we did? Yeah. Was that the one where I didn't bring the sheet? Yeah. That was that latitude. I've never let that go.

Starting point is 01:21:45 Was that the last latitude we did? Yeah. Was that the last one we did? So 2015, yeah. I did six of those in a row. Yeah. From fuck me. Never again.

Starting point is 01:21:53 Anyway, Patreon supports us in 2017. Thank you, Christopher. Early core memory has to be the dog beer. Fucking hell, that dog beer. That was when we were in Cambridge. In Cambridge recording at my Cambridge house. One of the few episodes we did in your Cambridge house. In the Cambridge house. The sex episode we were in Cambridge. In Cambridge recording it. One of the few episodes we did in your Cambridge house.

Starting point is 01:22:08 The sex episode was in there as well, wasn't it? It was as well. Episode 69, ideally. Absolute Gold as well as the slow ramp up to the Edmunds storyline, which culminated in you getting... Remember we watched Cheep Cheep Cheep? It got culminated. Cheep Cheep Cheep, remember? And you were on pain medication at the time because of your tooth.

Starting point is 01:22:26 Was I? And you were going mad watching it. You literally lost your shit. Remember that show though? That was short lived, wasn't it? Yeah, because... But the producer of that show reached out to us to say, if we do a second series, you're on it.

Starting point is 01:22:39 And we never got a second series. No, no shit, they never got a second series. Fuck you, Noel, we killed your show. We're still going after ten years. Fuck off to shit. They never got a second. No, we killed your show We still going after 10 years off to New Zealand you fucking mad. Does he live in New Zealand? Yeah, why because Lime on floor. Why did that come from from a bag of limes? I got like it came out of your ass Hand me your fucking old fast. Do you want fucking old fashioned, do you want another old fashioned? Do you want another old fashioned? Well the ice is melting my friend. Hand me the glass.

Starting point is 01:23:09 Hand me the glass. We can break in a minute. Listen, let me finish the email. Thanks for the incredible laughs and fun over the last decade. It's been so long you've kept me laughing for a whole five year PhD, fucking hell. Without you I couldn't have gotten through it. Plus your incredible audience and following. What a cool bunch of people you are.

Starting point is 01:23:28 You know what? We are absolutely very pleased as punch for our audience and followers. We really are. So thank you, Christopher. Christopher, thank you. Right. What's the PhD in, I wonder?

Starting point is 01:23:39 Dr. Bollocks. Dr. Bollocks. He's a Bollock doctor. I can't take you seriously, Paul, with that hat on. I can't take you seriously with your hat on. He really does, mate. You've got a bollocks. He's a bollocks doctor. I can't take you seriously Paul with that hat on. I can't take you seriously with your hat on. He really does. You've got a little cake on. It adds to jovelty doesn't it?

Starting point is 01:23:50 Don't start please. The mouth noises come. I've gone mad. Right we'll be back in a little bit. I'm going to take a little break and have a pee. Oh he's going to have a pee. And then we can make some old, small fashions. Bye.

Starting point is 01:24:01 Happy birthday. To you. Bye! Happy birthday to you! Right, we're back. Party time! Cheers, here's to 10 years, Paul. Milky's Vinyl. Give me one gulp. Can I read another one out as well? I'll read you one. This is only a quick one.

Starting point is 01:24:28 Milky's Vinyl Club. Which sounds like my cock. It says, happy birthday, Joseph and Ash. Oh, mate, you've got to taste this old-fashioned. I tasted it. When it's melted a bit more. Yeah, it's nice. It's better. That's better.

Starting point is 01:24:40 Let's do it again. Appreciate that. That's better. Oh, it makes me daddy-houd. That is nice. It's do it again. Appreciate that. That's better. Oh, it makes me daddy howl. It makes daddy howl. Right, Stu, Milky's final club says happy birthday, Joseph and Ash. Wow. What's that about? Because Joseph Wilson and Ash Frith.

Starting point is 01:24:57 Oh, the other guests, they're probably the people. This brings up an interesting point. Ash Frith will join us. Who is the fifth Beatle? Who is the person who's appeared on the most episodes apart from you and me? Well... I know that you've appeared on more episodes than I have. Of this podcast, yes. No, I appeared on that episode. Technically speaking, I appeared on it. I wasn't in it, but I appeared on it.

Starting point is 01:25:19 I've been in more episodes of Cheap Show than you. No, you haven't. I don't think you have. Wow, how can you possibly have been in more than me? I'm not saying that, Paul. I'm not saying that. You were in a forum and I did episodes of Bifo and stuff like that. But I was still in that episode. I was still in that episode.

Starting point is 01:25:33 Only a tiny little bit. Yeah, okay, yeah. This is what we're agreeing. Hours on the clock means Gannon wins. Okay, but technically speaking, would you agree? Just calm down, alright? You're abusive. You're abusive. I'm not abusive! I'm not- that's not-

Starting point is 01:25:47 You are, and you don't care. You're a nasty man. I'm not a fool. Admit, we've appeared in the same amount of episodes. No, I've appeared in more. How? Because I have more time on the clock, I talk more, I'm funnier. That doesn't mean- number of episodes.

Starting point is 01:26:02 I've added bits of myself where I've talked. You're coming across as stupid now. I just want you to say that. You're just repeating what I say back to me. Yeah, I am repeating back what you say to me. Exactly, you sound like a dick. Wow, ten years, thanks for everything. Whatever happened to those two fair weather hosts from the early days, Paul and Ellie?

Starting point is 01:26:19 Thanks from your biggest fan, Stu. Oh, bless you, Stu. Joseph and Ash are dead to us. Is that someone who's been with us from the top? Oh, this is a big email. I'll read it then. No, you won't. Come on, I'll give you a break. Come on, give you a break.

Starting point is 01:26:31 We haven't done our favourites yet. We've done some of our favourites. I'll read this one out. Yeah, but we need to get into our favourites after this long email. I've done most of my favourites. Come on, baby. Where's my glasses? Where are my peepers?

Starting point is 01:26:44 There's nothing. A baby nothing available there. Happy birthday. Honestly, 10 years of peep show. I tried to say this a minute ago. How the fuck? And you're making everything awkward and difficult. How the fuck have we gone 10 years? You're awkward and difficult. It's through both of us and our love for each other and the listeners. Why are you so ugly? You ugly man. See, I know you can fucking do this. I'm not ugly. I'm not ugly. You are ugly. I'm not ugly. I'm not ugly. Right.

Starting point is 01:27:08 No, you're not. You're a very pretty boy. I am. Not pretty, I would say. I think you're pretty. Shut up. Please. Are you ready for this?

Starting point is 01:27:15 I'm not a big fan of facial hair, but you're a pretty boy. Thank you. I'll say that for you. That's what I bartender in Fahdisfield when I went there one time. Fahdisfield? Where's Fahdisfield? In Fahdisfield. Where is Fahdisfield? In Fahdisfield. Where is Fahdisfield?

Starting point is 01:27:27 Oh God, Paul. You know you're not coming across good here. I've come across you good. With my meaty man milk. Please shut up. My meaty man milk! I'm gonna have to get fucking Rogan in here to kick you out. No one's gonna review us for the Guardian. You're gonna get kicked out of the House of Pickles if you don't stop. I'll fucking

Starting point is 01:27:45 I'll 86 you. I'll 86 you out of it. I'll choke him out. You've had too many. Hand that drink back. No, I'll choke him out. Can you please shut up? I'm gonna read this out. I'll read it. I'll do this. Light up, fuck's sake. Ah! This podcasting the subject has Happy 10th Birthday My Timestamp List. That's where we were, well, you're about to find out, Paul. Let's get into the finding out part. Hi, Paul and Eli. Hello. I started listening in about 2016. That's early.

Starting point is 01:28:12 Oh yeah, one year in. One year in. As Barshens Gateway listener. Yeah, of course. Now, this is something we haven't mentioned so far, but a big part of our early- Oh, are you still doing cheap, are you still doing things?

Starting point is 01:28:24 I've not seen you since 2015. We got... Listen... Cunt! Listen... Cunt! We've been making gold. Threading gold.

Starting point is 01:28:33 We got a lot of listeners through collaboration with Stuart Ashens and Barry... What's his second name again? Sorry. Lewis. Barry Lewis, of course. Love you, Barry. Now, we did get a huge initial boost, which is responsible for us keeping going.

Starting point is 01:28:49 Yeah, it is. And absolutely is. Barshans made us the podcast that we are. Absolutely. I'm going to... This is going to take a very brief digression. Yeah. Paul, have you ever come across the concept...

Starting point is 01:29:02 Don't, don't, don't. Tits of a lady, yeah, I have. The concept of inflation in cosmology. It's a way of explaining. Just read the email. It's a way of explaining. Just read the email. The cosmos that we see. It's a way of explaining that.

Starting point is 01:29:15 And what it meant is just after the Big Bang, there was a period of rapid expansion, which they call expand inflation. And that is similar. Wouldn't you agree to the effect that Barshans had on the podcast in terms of growing? There was a short period where our listenership grew more than it ever has since. Yeah, true.

Starting point is 01:29:33 Off, off. That's all I'm saying. Thank you. It just kind of surprised me that so many people watched us on Barshans, but never considered like Cheap Show as a kind of new route to discover what we're doing. And every now and then, it's since we didn't start to do the cheap shots people have been commenting below this video saying different media

Starting point is 01:29:49 Oh, I didn't know you were still doing stuff. It's a different platform. It's a different platform. It's a different platform. I've missed you. It's like. Some people audio podcasts are. Cunts! Fuckin'. Audio. Audio podcasts are a bit much for people who don't do it. Lazy ear cunts. That's what I'm saying is this. I'm loving that second old-fashioned attempt. Ear cunts. don't do it. Lazy ear cunts. That's what I'm saying is this. I'm loving that second old fashioned ear cunt.

Starting point is 01:30:07 I am loving it. I can't possibly enjoy entertainment that involves my ears and only my ears. It has to be with my eyes. You are a cunt. How about that? How about that? Put that on a fucking t-shirt.

Starting point is 01:30:21 You are a cunt. Cunt face, cunt face. Put that on a fucking t-shirt. I'm just letting him do it this week, everyone. You are a cunt. Cunt face, cunt face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Fuck! Future me. Are you listening? The pickings. Did you say that? That's the pickings. Pickings. Hahaha. Audio pickings. Now. Can you shut up? Future Paul.

Starting point is 01:30:48 Future Paul. Cheggon you twat. Cheggon. What? Is that a real term? Yeah. Why has that never come up before? That's brilliant.

Starting point is 01:30:54 What does it mean? Fuck off. It's a Lee and Herring thing. Cheggon. Cheggon you twat. What does it refer to? It's a Fist of Fun reference basically. Ah, that's...

Starting point is 01:31:02 That's the second time you've done that tonight. Mmm. Fist of Fun's been a big influence on me. I agree. Mayweather's experience. Fist of Fun reference. That's the second time you've done that tonight. Fist of Fun's been a big influence on me. Mayweather's Experience, Fist of Fun, big influences on me. Contourvania, big influence on me. Vick and Bob's Big Night Out. Bottom, Big Night Out. It's all Big Night Out.

Starting point is 01:31:15 Derek and Clive. Derek and Clive, Big Night Out. Which came up on Netflix. Is that the one where it's going, can't I, can't I, can't I? Oh, I don't want to watch it. It's horrible. I mean, I love Derek. That's not their best stuff, is it?

Starting point is 01:31:24 It's well, no, the Derek, the Get the Whore on film is a combination of the two albums. cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer layer of nastiness to Peter Cook's performance in that. What a cunt, it's a shame. He fucking, seriously. He wasn't like a Peter Sellers. It's the death of a- Well, see, he wasn't really abusive to loads of people in his life, was he? It's the death of a double act, is that Derek and Clive film, genuinely. It's good that we start at that point. Yeah, and we are here now.

Starting point is 01:31:56 Anyway. You can't- Our double act has lasted a lot longer than theirs did. I mean, no, that's not true. Is that not true? I think, well, we've been, if you wanna count the sketch show stuff, then yeah not true. Is that not true? I think. Well we've been, if you want to count the sketch show stuff then yeah. Almost 20 years. We've been working it together for longer than they did. Cunt.

Starting point is 01:32:11 Anyway, hi Paul and Eli, I started listening about 2016. Back then. As a Barshans Gateway listener. Okay, that's where we got to, yeah? Yeah, move on. You've got to get over this. Can you shut up? Honestly. BLEEEEAAAHHHHH He can't handle this looking like I do. Like I can. He's sucking down that second fucking... You drank too much Prosecco my mate.

Starting point is 01:32:38 It's a fucking schoolboy error. Yeah, don't drink that. You don't want to drink more than two... Wine before beer makes you feel queer. Queer before wine makes you feel fine? Something like that. You don't want to drink too much of that. Because you get irretrievable and you're going to feel nauseous pretty soon. Oh fuck you, good. Good. Go on. Can I? Read. Can we? Now.

Starting point is 01:32:58 I started this... I'm going to go from the top because I need context, okay? No. I just need no interruptions. This is the longest one we've got to so far. I'll be silent for the next 60 seconds. I'm off. I'm off over here. The fucking men's club vibing is so strong. With that party hat and everything. It's like I'm time-slipping into a fucking Huddersfield

Starting point is 01:33:22 in the 70s somewhere. Anyway, hi Paul and Eli. I started listening in about 2016 as a Barshens Gateway listener and pretty much straight away got my then boyfriend to start listening too. We've been super fans ever since, although they've broken up. Listen, I don't want any of that. Stop that talk right now. Can you stop that talk right now please? Super fans ever since although we wrote they've broken up. I don't want any of that Stop that talk right now. Can you stop that talk right now? I'm sorry. I will just know that he says she says then boyfriend. This is Emily Roberts by the way. Hello, Emily You like bomb plate

Starting point is 01:34:05 Future Paul right future Paul's gonna regret this. I said Bumplate. I've even made it's you now. You're gonna cut that out are you Paul? You coward. Stop saying Bumplate! Bumplate! We've been super fans ever since, listening every week and constantly quoting the show. You say Bumplate.

Starting point is 01:34:20 I was the woman with the cheap show Apron at the 300 live show. I think I remember you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do Hello, bum plate, please rip a dip a dumb bum plate. Okay, that's racist Yeah, you did a sort of Pat's war anal I swear riba diba dumb bum play. No actually high five. Yeah maybe. Sometimes Paul I swear riba diba dumb bum play. Oh dear.

Starting point is 01:34:50 We're a horrible podcast. No that broke through. That broke through my skin. My skin. Please everyone please. Rip a dippa bum play. Come on. Come on. Come on. Please everyone please

Starting point is 01:35:10 Shut up Mate do you want some red bull or something have some water get some water I'm just dizzy cuz I'm laughing drink your fucking slow whatever it's called old-fashioned. We hello Emily Cheaper called old-fashioned we hello Emily cheap apron hey I remember I remember she came to the live show 300 yeah I think she came to three over greed yeah it was our favorite live show which took place exactly one week before our wedding ah that's why it's then boyfriend no bum plate no bum play football Emily's very much married unless they both want bum play okay I'll drop it till I drop it pop up his bum then up here chomp can you stop

Starting point is 01:35:51 up here bum and then the chomp the chomp and then the bum yeah chomp then bum I like to do chomp then bum because it's less infectious you don't wanna go bum then chomp you don't wanna go bum then chomp or Or bum then like num num. You know what I mean? Bum then num num. Bum then chum then bum then chum. Bum then chum then bum then chum. Alright, we got there with that one. Yeah, we got there with that one. I'll be quiet.

Starting point is 01:36:16 Please, please, please. I'm doing it. Before our wedding, we're meant to say congratulations. Congratulations on being wedding. Are you committed? Do you want some bum play? Come on, bit of bum play. Can you shut up? Bit of sticky dicky dicky

Starting point is 01:36:29 Our wedding, I'm just gonna talk over you now. Alright, okay. Oh shut up. Which took place exactly one week before our wedding was basically the last event we did together before becoming husband and wife. Bless you. Okay, love ya.

Starting point is 01:36:40 So as fucking mental as it sounds to say this, Cheap Show has been a pretty big constant in our marriage fucking laughing sad Face no, it's laughing with crying. Yeah grumpy face crying with laughter No, it's crying with laughter. Oh, I'm looking at it. You read it. You prick. There's even a cheap show baby due next month You wouldn't if you were going up the bum, you don't. This is one of the basic things you should have learned in school. You should have. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:37:13 Please, please. Please. That is too much for even me. No protection for my erection. That's my rule of thumb. Bop, bop, bop, bop the bomb. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stop. Direction that's my rule of thumb Please stop please stop we're never gonna get through this we're never gonna get through this I'm having another sip of old-fashioned It's only two shots

Starting point is 01:37:47 Please read it. I've just had loads you did not I've had loads. I've had loads and loads and loads. Read the female. There's a licorice kind of vibe on this. Read the female's email. Read the female's email. I'm doing it. She's more than a female. She's a person too. Whatever. Get on with it. Big constant in our marriage. Can you shut up? I will. There's even a Cheatshow Baby due next month. Congratulations. His name has to be Paul, Eli, Silverman, Babies. Though we sadly did not have the level of fan commitment to name him Jim, John, Richard, Squishy. Ah! Squishy gets a mention.

Starting point is 01:38:16 Or even Paul or Eli. Soz. Well, what is he going to be called, Emily? Perhaps it's best not to name the child on the spot. Yeah, call him Jossel. Poor name. We're call him Jossel. Jossel, you're so lame. We're gonna lose fans here, okay? Anyway... They're gone by now.

Starting point is 01:38:30 Everyone who listens is in. Anyway, I've been keeping a list of timestamps of my favourite moments from the show for a few years. Oh, cool. Apologies that it isn't perfect, some of them just have an episode number. It's just something I put together as a fan in those moments when I hear something that makes me laugh. But I thought you might get a kick out of the fact a real person actually maintains this on their phone and maybe rediscover a classic moment yourself. Hit me.

Starting point is 01:38:53 Enjoy your birthday lads. You should be so proud of this Mucky Cult podcast you've built. Thank you. Thank you. Emmy. Right, you ready? No, there's the microphone. Are you ready for the- Go on. Fucking hell man. You ready to go on?

Starting point is 01:39:14 Happy birthday to not washing. It's not birthday. I'll cry if I want to cry if I ready for this You will cry too if it happened to you bubba bubba There was a sweet spot when you were funny in the middle of this nobody know where where my daddy is gone. At the beginning you were a cunt to me. Nobody know about me. You were a cunt to me for the first 45 minutes. I'll continue being a cunt to you. For about five minutes, about 10 minutes ago, it was really fun. So 10 minutes ago, 50 minutes ago, 20 minutes ago.

Starting point is 01:39:35 A little while ago, whatever, yeah. I'm not exact. How can you be exact with that? Lazy boy. Lazy boy. You're a lazy boy. I've been struggling through this with the worst kind of incontinent monkey. Middle-aged saggy incontinent monkey man. There's no need for being mean.

Starting point is 01:39:52 No need to be rude. Shut up man. I'm a very sensitive boy. Oh my god. You're the worst honestly. Read out the email. Captain balls first appearance cool episode 280 thank you nasty shanties who are i don't remember that that's so cool i've got these blue balls all that was great they are 280 that was great oh yeah captain blue balls keep forgetting about your piece of hand you have a paper this is good now i'm liking liking it. Alright, okay, go on. Episode 205 apparently. Okay. Which is the rise and fall of Bill Donut. Oh yeah, okay, right before the die hard.

Starting point is 01:40:31 In your piece of hand you have a paper. You must have said that. Yeah, of course I fucking said that. It's Bill Donut said that. Billy Donut. In your piece of hand. Alright. No, I like, I love those, I love those. Alright, you ready for the next one? Yes. It was my vision to

Starting point is 01:40:48 make a podcast where weekly I'm debased by a troglodyte halfwit. That's me. I said that. Of course. 178. Pork hangover. What? The episode is called pork hangover. Right. Park are my balls episode 296. It ain't hot. Half half hot sun. Now neither of us have any recollection of that. A blonde. So 296, Park am I Balls. We were probably looking forward so much to the, to 300, which is the live one, weren't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:41:16 Park am I Balls. Right before the end of the line episode. Yeah, so we were like, not even, neither of us, I'm sorry, Amy, but neither of us remember anything about that. I don't remember this episode going out right now. Are you ready for the next one? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:41:29 Laughing at a creepy folk singer for children episode. Oh, yeah. That's the episode where it's like, he goes, oh, we've done a poo. You've done a poo, Katie. That was fantastic. Those records, yeah. You've done a poo. He doesn't do that.

Starting point is 01:41:42 That's the shit voice that you always do. You've done a poo. No, it's more like, Emily goes for a pool. He doesn't do that. That's the shit voice. He always did no pool. No, it's more like Emily goes for a Poopy Emily need a big poopy time. Oh And then we got a letter from someone who knew that guy Oh, yeah record who said he was a liar didn't have a kid in the first place He was lying about the kid on this lying kids right? Oh, which cunt He was lying about the kid on this weird kids record. Lying Cambridge cunt.

Starting point is 01:42:04 They're out of the way. Well he was alright, just funny song. He's a liar. About poo poo. Punt Stopper's first appearance. Remember Punt Stopper? Episode 109. Dickalot Bear. Fuck knows. Dickalot Bear.

Starting point is 01:42:20 I should listen to some of these early ones. I fucking literally don't remember shit. No, of course we don't. We make it, we churn it out, we throw it out into the world. You remember Pun Stopper? He was a superhero. We had Quiff Huffer. Huffer and Pun Stopper. That's right. The superhero characters. Who stepped in to stop puns happening.

Starting point is 01:42:34 That was- he was good actually. No. I like Pun Stopper. He was a failure. Because he's like- he's like the Spanish Inquisition or something. Anyone mentioned this? What was this? I'm here to stop it. Pun Stopper. He's a party pooper. You can't. Anyone mentioned this? Pond Stoppers.

Starting point is 01:42:46 You can't do it now because you are... You're spitty at the mouth drunk. Spitty mouth drunk. Hello darling, I'm spitty mouth drunk. Hello there. Would you like to touch my dingle? I'm spitty mouth drunk. I'm gonna let you go here.

Starting point is 01:43:02 Would you like kissy on the clit? Are you enjoying this list? I am, like go on, carry on. There's loads of it, mate. I wanna see it. Okay, Pun Stopper, Pun Stopper's second appearance is the next one. Episode 109, Dickalot Bear. They can't both be called Dickalot Bear.

Starting point is 01:43:15 Maybe they were, I don't know. He appears twice in that episode. Yeah, I imagine. Okay, you ready for the next one? Yeah, hit me. I could spunk forever. Episode 316, Miss Vicky's Crisps. Means nothing.

Starting point is 01:43:28 No, you remember that, that's you. I don't remember that. Miss Vicky's Crisps. Mrs. Vicky's Crisps. Rear Wolf, Knob for Odin. I don't know any of this. I don't know any of this, I'm frightened. Rear Wolf.

Starting point is 01:43:41 That's funny, man, that's funny shit, Rear Wolf. Rear Wolf. Rear Wolf? Not Broadway. I don't know that. Not Broadway. Rear Wolf. I don't know what that means. I don't know who we are.

Starting point is 01:43:55 Apparently that was episode 316, Miss Vicky's Chris. No idea. No idea. Fucking clueless. Kiss Me episode 196, the naughty birthday boy? No. No, don't know it. Here we go. Here's some familiarity, but real wolf. Really, really good. Okay.

Starting point is 01:44:11 The real wolf? Real wolf is fucking good. Like a sex wolf, but he's a real wolf. Yeah, I got it. I got the implication. Donnie Truffles. Donnie Truffles is great. Why not the ass? Donnie Truffles is great. No, I love Donnie Truffles! Donnie truffles is great. Why not the ass? Donnie truffles is great. No, I love Donnie truffles.

Starting point is 01:44:28 Donald truffles. Donald truffles. Donald truffles. Anyway, you ready? Yeah. I could smoke forever, I've done that. Here's some more familiar ones. Charity shop vampires first appearance. Did not know. This is a great resource.

Starting point is 01:44:44 Yeah, resource, thank you. Which is episode, this is a great resource. Yeah resource. Thank you Which is episode 154 suck to the noodle fine. These are early ones We've literally we need to go and revisit this world. How can I how can I we I wish just listen back? How can I I can't the next one? I got the zibli yo, I got the zibli Yeah, you remember that mouth grumbles no episode 78 nothing makes sense I've got a stalk on and that is going to kill me which appeared in episode 72 spunky bun this is great yeah Eli's dream about Paul sweaty me I remember that dream episode who you all foamy. It was weird and foamy to the touch.

Starting point is 01:45:25 And I had to fight you. I had to sort of push you over. But you weren't. It was easy and you were all foamy. I was eager. Foamy and eager. Anyway, that was... How more have we got to write to listen our mouth out?

Starting point is 01:45:38 That was one of your best sentences. How much you gotta say now? That was episode 247, dreams may come. Well let's take a hiatus. Finish the email and then we'll go wee wee. I have to go wee wee so bad. Go for it. Come on. Let's just go through some of these. Sweaty meat in the dream. And that episode was 247 what dreams may come. Right. C means nothing cheesy bins episode 366 graxton's graft okay remember that remember that that was the build-up he do remember graxton's graft mean I mean conceptually yeah yeah but the thing is

Starting point is 01:46:18 I'm trying to say to you is that there's so much we've made that we throw out there that I can't remember now everyone, now everyone remembers this. It was one of the high tales from the dance floor. Tiny Man, episode 53. Don't Get Mad, Strikes Back. Don't Get Mad. But that's episode 53. We're already repeating Don't Get Mad because it was such a hit. Yeah, well, that's why we retired it.

Starting point is 01:46:35 You did it. We did it again so quickly. Although, we're doing it this... Well, here's the thing. When you listen to this episode, we're doing a live stream on YouTube this evening on the 13th of June. Come and join us. 8pm UK time. We'll do Don't Get Mad. How about that you fucks? Stop touching things and making noise. Wow that could be any episode.

Starting point is 01:46:53 But it is. Emmy says episode 162 Murder on the Cheap Eats Express. Okay. Which has come up before because we... That's a narrative one. That was our first I think. No, no, no, it wasn't, but it was one of our most elaborate. One of the first sort of elaborate ones. Jumping Horses, we've mentioned before.

Starting point is 01:47:09 Yeah, we have. That's the music that Robert Popper brought. Brought, and for those people saying, can we release it? No, it's not ours to release, so whatever. Episode 375. You can't do that. That's Robert Popper. Adoro, episode 375, Scared of Us,

Starting point is 01:47:20 I don't know what that is. That is the same episode as Robert Popper. Oh, of course. Yeah. Harlem Antoot. Don't know. Means is. That is the same episode as Robert Popper. Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah Harlan Mantute. Don't know Means nothing. It's just words episode one two five the human lavatory and now I remember that do ya Yes, it was the guy you were reading was a Paul's page turners I don't know we called it that then okay, but maybe the guys used to go around with a bucket So you want to have a shit and they put a blanket?

Starting point is 01:47:42 Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah now I do you go have a shit there I'll put this cow around and you can have a shit of our dollop type episode. I'll look the other way Yeah, they should bring those back. Yeah, that's good I thought we should do that. I do that my trust them You're paying them if I can have a piss right here. Just put a sheet up between I know in the house It's when you're out and about what about now though? No, I don't want you pissing in there at all. Because I have to piss. How long is this email left?

Starting point is 01:48:07 I'll piss in that. Oh mate, don't! I'll piss in that right now. Don't piss in that right now. You can hear everything get tangled. I only cleaned it today after several months. Why did you piss in it? Because I needed to go.

Starting point is 01:48:17 Why can't I go in it? It was the middle of the night! Why can't I go in it? Well, your toilet's right there! Shut up! You have no excuse to piss in the bottle when you're trying They're all it's a special kiddie car party anyway. I had to say it out loud Come on read it right tiny man shows your boo. Dean the fuck machine

Starting point is 01:48:37 I don't know what that is episode 186 cheap show babies. That's come up twice. Yeah, actually yeah Was that when we try was it? Bab it my pet babies move on shut up refuse to friends a piss can you hear that poor me at this all I could think of is are we gonna we need to do another bit after this because there's more emails how much come on there's loads of email I'm gonna finish this email for me every time I raise my mouth there's some good things coming up, mate. Quick. There's a lot of... If you want to, we should pause here in the middle of this.

Starting point is 01:49:08 No, I want to do the end of the email and then make a break. Come on. Paul's story about shitting himself on a Zoom call. Yeah, fine. Episode 365, Big Can Energy. I remember that. I can't do that. Vomity Chaos, episode 296, It Ain't Half Hot Sun.

Starting point is 01:49:20 I don't know. A Mischievous Glint in Your D dirty scouse eye, episode 276. And my favourite, what is it Paul? What? Oh Norman. Oh, it calls us again. That's my favourite, yeah, there you go. Episode 176.

Starting point is 01:49:35 You stupid, stupid, paddling, pool filled cum sack. That was you Paul. That would be me, yeah. Meaty Margaret's second appearance. Her first appearance isn't on the list. Episode 190. It's a very extensive list. Your Envision 2020. Yeah, meaty Margaret second appearance first appearance isn't on the list episode 190 It's a very your envision 2020. You haven't mentioned your envision the whole time. It's coming back because they bring me fucking anxiety Yeah, but it's coming back. Yeah, it is coming back for Halloween. Yeah, we'll move on. Okay. Hey, that's big news

Starting point is 01:49:58 Have you said that? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it's coming back for Halloween Halloween You're going to more detail later. But now we're gonna do a Halloween later We want a song for Halloween spooker spooker poo spooker poo. We need a spooky version vision That's not that sounds like a band. It is. Are you ready? Yeah, so meet you Margaret second of beer Yeah, uncle grumblies first appearance. Yeah episode 1 1 2 uncle Godly was a shit-selling guy that no one wants to get returned Ah fuck him the king of Pepsi remember that that's yeah I vaguely remember I had five that was a good character eating hold on to the quids gambit Yeah, which is in the king of Pepsi. Yeah, that's where it came from How long are we to the end of this email because I need to piss so bad

Starting point is 01:50:41 I'm telling you just go. I'm in literally agony. Sarcophagi episode 395. Yeah that's my big gag. Oh the episode's called the Quids Gambit 395. Yeah fair enough. Big episode 395. Paul's very articulate discussion about the sitcom bread episode 315. Chowdy Shop Showcase. Paul getting taken over by the spirit of Jimmy Biscuits. Oh yeah. Episode 88. Yeah. The history of the knoll. Yeah. Part remember that yeah, I do that's a good one that Creepy trucker menacing a girl record. Oh, I remember that episode 160 Yeah, the mouth of madness trucker episode episode yeah in the gash man. I'm the gash man How more of this email is that?

Starting point is 01:51:21 That's the ps after this this is last episode bullet point okay go go I've come to read your meters come on come on which is that the gas man meet us got it 1 9 9 strong sexual content is that the email yes yeah I still have the signed apron as you can see 300 yeah it's a picture of her. Oh, yeah, I remember that apron now Oh, I'll come on that. I've got to piss. I've got a piss so bad. Bye. Bye everyone. We're gonna do a break now. Bye We're understanding. We're been listening to movies. Anyway, PS. PS.

Starting point is 01:52:11 He's fine, everyone. He talks fine. We've been listening to movies. That's what you just said. Shut up, you cunt. Oh my word. Emily says PS and PS is this. Yes, because it was a very funny and nice email from one of our longest lasting fans. I might be sick in my pants.

Starting point is 01:52:32 Brilliant. No, that is brilliant, Paul. That is... I'm done now. Right, PS, I still have to sign aprons as you can see. Are you feeling sick? Have some more whiskey. Even if my daft husband wore it to the barbecue for 30 people and permanently covered it in stains It doesn't fit so well these days Caught the three tiered trolley so you can see behind the sauce trough Yeah, sauce trough, yeah Thank you, Emily You know what, Paul?

Starting point is 01:52:55 Gregory and Emily Robert says thank you Uh, email That's that one Alright, next Randall Monroe I know Gander's like reading the sassies My mate's asking me if I've done've done to CB you ever done to CB. No, I have to respond to this Why you do that cuz you're being a cunt you do that. I'll read this Randall Monroe said this I know gannis like reading the sappy stuff. So I'll keep it so I'll keep come on Paul I found the podcast back when there was only 30 episodes or so and this I love you. Who is this?

Starting point is 01:53:23 I love that. This is Randall. Oh Randall favorite episode is episode 1 2 7 green green wine. I don't know what you mentioned Can we stop cannon can we pause that? Yes? Go back to and listen to the most I wish you'd do the blues joke where poor starts going to dirt and dirt We've done it recently. We did it in reverse Recently didn't you did it because you did it Tails from the dance floor and I said da da da da da. Still hoping that you'll do a West Coast USA trip one day and I have a hordes of pins and vials for you. Send it our way. We did do a West Coast USA trip.

Starting point is 01:53:55 Well, we haven't done East Coast. We went to LA. You can't get more West Coast than that, bro. It's East Coast, I said. Well, you said West Coast. Then I said S Coast. You said S Coast,ast! That's right. That's absolutely right. I don't... Don't... Listen. I did just let off.

Starting point is 01:54:15 So, involuntarily... You did a little windy poopy. Involuntarily while I was laughing. I'm very drunk. He really is everyone. That is... It's all that Prosecco you overloaded. Nick Eldred. And he did Desperados.

Starting point is 01:54:27 He's drunk more than me. Nick says on Patreon. Nick says, Paul and Eli, your dedication to keeping us all exquisitely entertained every week is phenomenal. I think every episode is a banger. I will listen to all your episodes every year. Wow. Okay, who is this? This is now in the in the now we're in the rarefied zone. We're in a rarefied zone.

Starting point is 01:54:48 Let me read this bit. There have been some exceedingly rough times and the two of you plus guests have never failed to put a smile on my face. One of my favorite episodes was episode 76 hit the moog at someone with ash oh mate between the last film you were great droid and I hope you gone for many more years to come oh mate who's this Randall Nick Edridge Nick I love you man oh you have a glass of water or something man I might need a glass of water I want to take to the point where I'm all floaty bad. I want to take care of you. Admit you're a big light weight and I'm used to drinking light a lot. Yeah you are, I am. But the booze tastes so nice. It's fine just calm down for a second don't get into a nauseous. Happy birthday

Starting point is 01:55:38 to me. Have some more booze. Happy birthday. No water is what I need. Really? You want a glass of water? I'm tapping get water. Tapping his knee. I'm slapping his thigh. Coca Cola woo. Yeah. That can make you worse. Oh, the microphone's gone over there. You've moved the microphone. I'll go here.

Starting point is 01:55:53 I'll read this from Seth Zeebot while you do that. Please, not while... I wanna hear it! Don't you understand? But while you're going out the room. I'm getting you water! I'm taking your phone. Put it down. Put it down. It's fine. Just put it down. Don't read it out! I won't, I promise. I won't, I promise!

Starting point is 01:56:08 I don't believe you! After last week's shenanigans, which you haven't even brought up, Paul, but last week... Fuck you, I beat you, I cut you up! Plug it in! I'm not gonna do this! I'm not doing this! I'm taking while I get your water! This is my birthday! I'm taking your phone while I get your water! No! Because why are you doing that? I could read something else or do something. Let me talk. No, you have to improvise. Oh no, hello. My name is Paul Gannon and I'm

Starting point is 01:56:29 going to improvise. Here we go. I'm going to read a poem out called Port Cheap Shirt at 10. Here we go. It happened in 2015. The lives of us changed, would you see? Eli and I made a podcast, so I put it out and we enjoyed what we saw. The audience grew in amassed. It was fun and it was fast. As we grew and we grew and people loved what we do. It was nice and so I felt iconoclastic. And now I am sitting here rhyming at the time and the time and the timing.

Starting point is 01:57:09 There you go, and you were- I'm sipping some water. Have some water, have some water. I'm sipping some water right now. Nice, put it on the table. Oh blimey, it's good. And that is my poem for the tube show. Feeling better now?

Starting point is 01:57:17 You should plug your phone back in. All right, have some water, calm down, because we've got other emails to get through. Seth Seabolt wrote us an email. Seth Seabolt said, Can I read one out, because I'm more capable. Next one. I've been listening since episode 50.

Starting point is 01:57:29 Since then I've graduated high school, Christ, and a trade school program, lived in three different states. Trade school program? Yeah, I don't know what that is. He's in the States. Yeah, lived in three different states and became a musician and DJ

Starting point is 01:57:40 and sound engineer professionally. Oh my God, this is so interesting. Well done, Seth. Bless ya. Seth, what kind of DJ? Is he a DJ now? DJ and sound engineer. Oh my god. This is so interesting. Well done Seth bless you Seth What kind of DJ is he a DJ now? Says so three different states. Yeah, this is crazy I want to hear more honestly, I will let me read it then well He's not gonna tell us more about that part the splash. You don't know I've not read it splash

Starting point is 01:58:01 Through it all cheap show has been there for me from episode 69 where Paul generally made me comfortable and normal about being a queer person for the first time. Interesting. No, because I said I was bi and it's fine and because of my privilege I don't really have to worry about it too much. Okay, Paul, I'm totally behind you on that. And I'm totally behind... It's where he like gives his hate out.

Starting point is 01:58:24 No, what's Steph is it? Seth. Seth. I'm totally behind. It's where he like gives his hate out. No, what's Seth is it? Seth. Seth. I'm totally behind that but would it, I'm just, in a little bitchy way, I just want to ask would it be fair to say that you've you've kind of un-gayed, you've unbied? No, I've been in a relationship for like eight years. Yes, but you were in a relationship with a woman before that. And I've had sexual stuff with guys before that. I understand and believe that. It's more of a sexing in a relationship with a woman before that. And I've had sexual stuff with guys before that. I understand and believe that. It's more of a sexing than a relationship thing. OK, fine, fair enough. Absolutely fine.

Starting point is 01:58:51 I don't aim to look for relationship with men. We welcome all proclivities and genders on G-Shit. Come on, have a fucking laugh. Come on. And that is amazing that you had that effect on someone. And it is great. But I had that privilege of not really having to worry about it too much because of my life. Right, anyway, he says, green green wine episode.

Starting point is 01:59:12 Well, you answered my letter. Hey, everyone loves that. That's been the, do you know what, Paul? The green green wine episode has been this stealth winner. Weirdly so, I'm happy to listen back. I think it's got the most mentions of any episode. The Eurovision episode where my synth music was validated by a panel of judges Oh, yeah, cuz Seth did what?

Starting point is 01:59:32 Mate you can't even come up with that and he's on the cheap show album. Oh night bus an album One of my favorite fucking great Amazing! One of my favourite bits of Cheap Show related music. Fucking great Seth, beautiful. And what is becoming the spiritual home of where Cheap Show really exists, like for the real insiders? For the night busing crowd. The night busing crew? Crewed him!

Starting point is 01:59:53 Not to mention things like Sillman's Platters, Neville Kitchen, Allow Me To Feel Comfortable In My Interest, and Thrift Store, Night Busing's the best, night busing episode best. That don't evolve anything blah blah blah. I honestly believe that Cheap Show has of this email from that scared 19 year old When I heard episode 50 the slightly less scared 27 year old I am 27 from 19 You guys make me feel heard at normal and for that I'm forever grateful. Thank you for being there guys. Happy birthday Happy lovely lovely to Seth. I'm gobsmacked

Starting point is 02:00:23 I don't say I'm gobsmacked, Paul. I know, I've said this to you. I'm gobsmacked. No, but I've never heard it like that. But this is the thing. All we do is make the content we want weekly. That's insane. That age range. I know. And I know there's a few people who listen to us when they're like 14, 15.

Starting point is 02:00:36 That is amazing, man. And they're still listening. That's amazing, Seth. Thank you so much. Thank you, Seth. Wow. I love your night bossy feet. I'm dumbfounded.

Starting point is 02:00:46 Yeah, come founded. Read that next one now you cunt. I can't get to the next one can I? It's your phone. I have to, you have to do. That is the one. I've already opened it up for you. Oh you've opened it.

Starting point is 02:00:57 Okay, just give me a sec. Here we go. Eli Silverman is going to read a little letter from you now. Yeah fine, I can do it. The next one is coming from someone else. I'm just going to have a sip of my old diet red bull here. I'm in a bad place. I'm in a bad place.

Starting point is 02:01:10 Is the room spinning? Like, is it doing that? No. How bad are we talking? It's doing this. Yeah, but how bad are we? You're okay there, yeah? I need to drink some more water. Don't vomit in my room. I just want to say that. I won't vomit in your room. I don't want to be like a taxi, like an Uber guy.

Starting point is 02:01:23 I won't do that. I promise you, mate. I love you. I'll drink me water and be able to. If you're going to, I can get you something, okay? Or the toilet is just there. Well you could use... I'm alright! You could use potty nose mouth! Nah, I'm not gonna stick into that. Oh Bane, I cleaned that out today.

Starting point is 02:01:37 Read that email you rancid wanker. I'm fucking well then, when you get my specs on. Alright, put your daddy specs on. I'm having a fucking laugh here Paul, I like it. I'm having a lovely time too. I'm having a lovely time too. Alright good. I'm sexy. He's just feeling, you're feeling the bit of the boy. Should I get my willy out? No. You sure? No, no, no. Or my bum? No, no, no., Willie's eye. You're looking to my Willie's eye. You're looking to my Willie's eye. Look me in the Willie's eye. I'll pull it out. No, please.

Starting point is 02:02:09 I've got to get it up a little bit first, so it's a little bit less insurgent. The thing is, Paul, it's so boring. Is it? When you go on about it like that. You specky four-eye wanker. Come on, read the letter. I'm starting wearing glasses everywhere.

Starting point is 02:02:20 Read the next letter. We've got loads more to do. This podcast day ending until we've read every email. We're going to have to have another break. You're going to have to get yourself together bro. Come on, grow up. No, you have to. You grow up. Grow up. You child. You're the one who said grow up three times in a row. Grow up. And then I said it once. Grow up. And you keep saying it. You're such a child. Read the email for Ganon on his birthday. He's still got the hat on everyone! Got me a little hat on!

Starting point is 02:02:46 It makes you look ridiculous, it undermines the words coming out of your mouth. Wanker. Hello Paul and Eli. Hello. Who is this? Who's saying this? Can you shut up please? This is so tedious. I'd like to know who's talking to me. I want 30 seconds just to read something out. After 30 seconds you can fucking...

Starting point is 02:03:02 1, 2, 3. Congratulations on Cheap Show's decade of existence. I listen to the pod whilst I'm working. Who is this? Oh, sorry. Skip to the end and just give me the name. Hayley Morris. Thank you, Hayley.

Starting point is 02:03:14 Oh, I know Hayley. You know Hayley? Yeah, you'll find out in a minute. Oh. Are you okay to go on, yeah? Come on, baby. Hello, Paul and Eli. Hello!

Starting point is 02:03:24 Congratulations on Cheap Show's decade of existence. I listen to the pod whilst I'm working, but I've learned that I have to be okay with people staring at me when I'm trying not to laugh out loud. Amen, sister. When I'm listening to it on public transport. The Ken Dog Butty book was a recent highlight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:03:39 It was for us too, Hayley. Yeah. A real highlight for us until Paul fucking shat the bed totally by going back to the book Which could have had a whole nother episode But she just wasted it all Haley did not write that and I'm angry with you and future Paul Bumper fucking for that future Paul wanker. Yes Guy in silhouette

Starting point is 02:04:04 Guys silhouette with that birthday hat. What a BDi fucking rat cunt face prick. Future Paul is. He is. I hate him so much. I hate him. Right. He's sitting there judging us.

Starting point is 02:04:15 Buddy book. Madam. The first episode I remember listening to was the one with the BBC educational record that chanted Paul's name. See now this has come up. Okay. It's related to the poomer. Is that the part ofed Paul's name. See now this has come up Okay Paul goes it was another record like the poo poo Yeah, they used to a seven inch multiple tracks got a nice seven-inch eight Paul

Starting point is 02:04:34 What future Paul off note to future Paul edit that whole thing right? I'm gonna try and look at it the whole seven inch and then he said Seven inch isn't even that he wouldn't go seven inch eight. Yes Let's you go at least a leavening you're boasting you'd say at least eight So it didn't work as a joke on the length of my phone work. It's about the length of my phone when erect Eli's hold my phone so he knows how long it is to play with long knows how long it is to play with long. Right. Eli.

Starting point is 02:05:04 He came out there. We can talk about how much we both hate. Silver black with Donald truffles is staying. Donny truffles. I love it. I love truffles. Right. One moment of genius in seven hours.

Starting point is 02:05:19 I know we all understand what Donny truffles does. Donny truffles does the dirty. He does what he does. Yeah. It is what the old. I know we all understand what Donnie truffles does Does what he does yeah Is what it is? Truffles does what he does he Donald Trump does what he does. He's Donnie Trump No, no, why that's funny it's funny though. This is awful behavior. Go on. Come on Right the first episode they listened to remember listening to BBC Educational Record Okay, that charted Paul's name in the most haunting way imaginable baby Paul is a baby Everyone members have him like the poopy. We don't have a number for that episode, but nice mention cuz I was good

Starting point is 02:06:03 Silverman's platters. Yeah, and Ganon's Golden Games, my favorite segments. Of course. It's always fun to hear the history behind what went into making them and subsequent mouth noise meltdowns you both end up having. That is true. Cheap Show also inspired me to get back into animating again after a long hiatus away from it. I made a short animatic based on the segment where you use

Starting point is 02:06:24 you sing the rude version of the rainbow theme. Oh yeah. That's a great little thing. And we used Haley's. Episode 225 Wicker Bungle. Wicker Bungle. We had an episode called Wicker Bundle. It's a good one. You didn't put on the list best episode title. Because then you could read them all out. Wicker Bungle's got to be up there. Wicker Bungle's up there. It's got to be up there. Haley was the animator who did the stuff for us for 400.

Starting point is 02:06:46 You know, the animation for 400. So thank you, Hayley, for that. Amazing. That really made that show. Beautiful stuff. Absolutely. Everyone mentioned it in the comments. Everyone.

Starting point is 02:06:57 Yeah, that's great. I've really lifted it. Disco lights are on. Are you gonna turn them off because they're making everyone sick? I'm loving it. Okay. Thank you, Hayley. We love all of those animations. All of them are by them. All of them by Hayley, yeah. Thank you Hayley, Hayley, Hayley. Love that. Cheap Show also inspired me to get

Starting point is 02:07:13 animated blah blah blah. Wiccabungle. Shut up. Wiccabungle, blah blah blah. Partly to learn how to use a new animation program and also because the thought of bears shitting in people's faces would be a fun thing to draw it is textbook it is i'm i'm thinking hailey draw the horse's eye that yeah stop thinking about i think he even mentions horse's asshole eye well maybe they're getting to that elie also like horses eye level asshole height elie also like Eli Hosswell are you? HAHAHAHA You pushed it there, you pushed it I pushed it right up

Starting point is 02:07:48 Wow, thanks again for the 10 years of laughs and for the opportunities to work with you both in the segment made especially for the 400th video episode Thank you The Winking Horse's Arsehole It did come up again, you were right The Winking Horse's Arsehole will stay with me

Starting point is 02:08:04 to the grave That's how that email ends Paul Thank you, Haley. Fuck. He's to the grave Right, I'm done. And you can listen to you can watch episode How many more emails are there? Fuck me. You have to turn the disco lights off though because it's making me feel physically sick Yeah, get some nice mood lighting some low lighting on it. Please Watch your phone Fuck me, please

Starting point is 02:08:23 Watch me do it Oh, that's better. Jesus Christ. Right, this one's from Christopher. Hello Eli and Paul, congratulations on 10 years of spoffing and chomping and providing much laughter myself and others. Yeah, that's the first time that's come up and that used to be such a big thing. And you needn't have made such a fucking fuss about it. I started listening to your podcast in the summer of 2023 after watching an old Ashen's episode where he gave you a shout out. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:08:46 After the first episode I was fairly enjoying it and then listened to episode 12, the Cheap Show Creep Show, once Eli at the start of the episode said, stroke my knob, I knew I'd found gold. I mean, whatever. I mean, I wouldn't say anything like that. I mean, it doesn't sound like me at all. Me listening to the backlog of your episodes coincided with me moving out of my hometown where I lived in for 30 years and moving to a bigger city along with all the stress and

Starting point is 02:09:07 admin of building a new flat and saying goodbye to my old childhood home as well as my parents. It's fair to say your podcast helped me keep me sane by listening to your absolutely nonsensical ramblings. While dealing with solicitors and estate agents in the early part of 2024, I was probably at my most stressed and most sleep deprived in my life and then I was going through the final phase of my house buying I was listening to episode 131, he's got a house now, the oldie throppy shoppy hearing Eli say, there is, hearing Eli sing I've got a nice greased up throppage for you madam is his end of the pier style nearly causing me to pass out from laughing.

Starting point is 02:09:45 Thank you very much. That could have been that but the one two punch of that and Eli going mental and to quote Paul being creatively bankrupt just about killed me. We've said that so many times. It gave me a much needed laugh and helped me stop worrying about so many things. In February I moved to my new flat, eventually settled in and got my life sorted so thank you very much for your Congratulations, right? I'm now listening back to some of my old favorite episodes and double over with laughter like I did back then

Starting point is 02:10:11 So thank you for kicking my sanity together. I mean we might Little Jack Daniels, it's not even an alky size bottle. It's like a Party favor. Yeah, it is. Yeah, you're not having any more though. You haven't even touched you Jack I've got that I've got me Don't drink that prosecco. You can't keep drinking the second. That's what's making you sick I've got all sorts going on. All right, you should have a desperado though because you're not gonna have one. I don't know I'm feeling very very volatile. Okay. I'm feeling very kissy. Do you want to do my drink some more Jack Daniel? Yeah, go for it. Adam Court says this in his email to us. He says hello guys and congratulations on 10th birthday

Starting point is 02:10:46 Yeah, hello Adam. Is it Adam? Yes I think I found you years back for the digi Ashen's Barshens era a lot people did make a lot of people did about three years Ago, I thought Karen may enjoy. Oh, okay. So this is okay, please. Could you just make it better? So, you know Karen who does the Lightly Used podcast, that Karen, naughty Karen, they got together listening to The Cheap Show. About three years ago, I thought Karen might enjoy a Derek story,

Starting point is 02:11:13 which is how I introduced her to Cheap Show on our first date. I now hand over to Karen for the rest of the email. And then he hands over to Karen. Then Karen says, Hello Karen. Adam's confession of our first date is indeed true. Brooks' Brookside Tiger was our first episode he played to me.

Starting point is 02:11:30 This is heartwarming. In fact it's the first episode of any podcast that I ever listened to. Wow, that's a real... Although I suspect... Can you imagine that? Yeah, here's listen to this. Brookside Tiger, Derek's second... Also, Sticky Willy and me.

Starting point is 02:11:41 Listen to this, Sticky Willy and me. You don't know that they did it on the first day I think that's a bit perverse come on That's not what this is if revealed you do it did you have sex with me and Eli in your ears That's what I want to know why you so anyone for your degenerate I wouldn't even think of that I would you yeah, I know I'm trying to say you're a man person fucking hard sex. Listening to me and you talk and they're fucking doing it, getting a sweat on. You're a rubbish big person, Paul.

Starting point is 02:12:11 Fuck you. I like love, and I like sex. I like people having sex through our voices, and I think that's valid. And valid it may be, but you're still rubbish. Podcasts and podcasting has now transformed into a passion of my life. Wow. Says Karen. From zero podcast listing to co-hosting my own pod.

Starting point is 02:12:30 Yeah, which is very- Which is which one again? Uh, lightly used, it's called, something like that. And it's about? Is it comedy? It's like our stuff, but about charity shop stuff. Here we go, Paul's bitter resentment comes in. We won't get old lorries onto that.

Starting point is 02:12:41 Come on, Paul's bitter. How about that? Crisps and chat and how about that? He doesn't like it, he doesn't like competitors. I'm skipping ahead. First time tonight? Why? Because it's a long email and I can't see through my glasses. Can you hand me the measure please? Anyway, they love us and they have good times. Reach over there and hand me the measure. The joy of cheap show and everything that comes with it has made me so happy. Please lift that hat. I've laughed more in the last three years than the rest of my many boring years beforehand. Please lift that hat! It's about me, it's about you two lovely lunatics. Your relationship with your fans, your relationship with your calamitous humor and best friend beating strands

Starting point is 02:13:26 keep you, stands you out from the crowd. Cheap Show is a beautiful splodge across the galaxy of the podcast universe. As clear as to see is the Grunderpants moment of panic on my face when someone IBS. That's last week. Long live Cheap Show and long live the pair of you two glorious bastards.

Starting point is 02:13:39 Have a happy birthday, Karen and Adam. Thank you, Karen and Adam. Can I read one? Yeah, it is. A Bridget, please. Thank you, Karen and Adam. Can I read one? Yeah, here's the next one. Next one's from Raven. Raven, the seventh Cheap Show member or something. Whoever it works out to. Hello Cheap Show boys.

Starting point is 02:13:53 I'm walking on mic, anyone. I'll keep this short. Aven, we love you. We love you. Congratulations on 10 years of Cheap Show. What a ride it's been. Yeah, it's been a bit of a ride. Thanks for all the laughs rabbit holes

Starting point is 02:14:05 walks songs intrigues adventures nostalgia and more yeah there's too many highlights to mention so i'll just say car boots snacking winkies x-ray off live 300 walking tumpy tumpyumpy, they're all written together in caps that's why I'm showing them. Tumpy, eyepatch, price oh shy towards from the shops floor. So there, triple kiss. Thank you, event. You are amazing. And if anyone wants to get the Cheap Show magazine you can go to our website. And some really fantastic work on the design of the LP.

Starting point is 02:14:43 So fucking good work on the... The magazines are like, stupendously good stuff. Yes, but the LP, Paul, as well. Between Tony and Yvonne, they both designed the front and back cover of the album. So that's coming your way. As we speak, it's coming your way. Daniel Smith posted this. The cheap show incident that sticks in my mind the most are the U2......Tales from the shop floors. Necrotic leg hole.

Starting point is 02:15:07 Oh yeah. I had to come up. I had to fucking come up, didn't I? I had to fucking come up. The one time a policeman wrote us a... Yeah, fucking grim. That was basically the grim his point, wasn't it? And Spoo... There was the had a good puke moment where he's like, and then I got in and I had a good puke.

Starting point is 02:15:22 Fucking leg hole. Like, had a good puke. Like he had to, you know good puke. Like, he had to, you know what I mean? Yeah, because it was all gross. That's when I decided that maybe we should stop doing that segment of the show. Necrotic leg hole and spoon with a face on it coming from the floorboards. Remember that one? The guy was on the toilet. The guy, and then a spoon came up for the hole in the floor.

Starting point is 02:15:40 Reflecting the face. Yeah, so you could see it doing a poopy. Hey, you should try and incorporate that into your conclave joke because it's a convex spoon or something I've moved on you ruined that for me so thank you for that he did another Emily as we said this Paul and Eli you are the friendly voices in all our ears your friendly voices insulting one another saying chopper and bringing us with you on your glorious rambles. Happy birthday

Starting point is 02:16:05 cheap show you are beautiful hot sauce and desperado's all around thank you Emily. You need to spark a desperado bro before the end of the episode or else you ain't nothing. I got cliff going on. Can you please open a desperado I'd like some I want some desperado. I'll open it for you baby. Thank you. No you open it. I like original desperado have some. I've got the the old fashioned and the Prosecco left. Have you finished your old fashioned? You can open it if you want and you have what you want, mate. That's what I'm saying.

Starting point is 02:16:32 Happy birthday lover. And just to prove my birthday credentials, I've got it! Mate, don't you're going to fall off your chair. You're not watching the sound. We're in the House of Pickles everyone. We're at Cannaval, Baganvanor. Now, you're listening to this at the earliest on our actual birthday date. Oh yeah, if you're listening to this on Friday, join us on YouTube, 8pm this evening, June 13th.

Starting point is 02:16:59 And we're going to do a live show with some guests and have a fucking muck about on camera. It's so hard for me to imagine someone listening to whatever this turns out to be, three hours, and then watching the stream. Fucking hell. Maybe they want to. Proper masochism. Give them their money's worth.

Starting point is 02:17:17 Rick Ferguson says this, "'Hello gents, best memory so far "'is taking a thousand mile road trip.'" Jesus, Paul. Do you wanna take a moment? I brought to London and back to see Cheap Show Earful live show. That was our live show. And getting called out for not being a fan.

Starting point is 02:17:33 Now my girlfriend is a Die Hard fan and that has no mean feat, so well done, lads. Congratulations, happy birthday, Rick and Selena Ferguson. Well done, Rick and Selena. Thank you. Now, Paul. Oh, there's a guy called Mr. Jobby Hey guys, love the show. You're both amazing. Thanks for giving us a decade of utter nonsense For favorite episode I'm a fan of the trip-trip-ic-ic of beans. Triptych. Triptych. Oh my god. Beans.

Starting point is 02:17:57 Let me read these. Let me read these. Dirty rugby songs and dirty Daniel Dancer through Freddy Starr Swallowed My Soul. Oh, these are all episode titles. Bifoh related episodes. Only Beans and we wasn't there for that. Daniel Dancer. That was when I had the flat to myself in Twickenham and you came down to record. The Daniel Dancer. Yeah. It's a story like a page turner. I love Eli's backstory the cult the sign of school it's really interesting to hear about. Thank you very much. It is very interesting, yes. I've got loads of stories. Well, no, I'm willing to give it all. Thank you guys, it's been fantastic.

Starting point is 02:18:30 Have you heard about the Parmesan Nut Sack? Shut up. Have you heard about the Ski Resort Parmesan Nut Sack? Do you want to read this one from Kurt? I'll get the first phrase. Do you want to read this from Kurt? Yeah, and I want you to shut the fuck up. I'm fucking jopping-shutting!

Starting point is 02:18:43 You're really struggling with the word stuff, yeah? Words, I- words, mate, are just contracts between human beings understanding one another. And if I want to tear up that contract, I fucking will. You have, you do. How about that? No, you do. You're gonna fucking stop me eating crisps. No. I wish- can you get off the mic?

Starting point is 02:19:00 It's future cool. I am. We've had words. I'm doing it. Come on. Oh, I've done my old red book. You've finished it Twatter. Come on love. Can I have some of your coke please? To wet the libations. Come on read the email you've taken on the mantle so run with it. Hi Paul and Eli. Hello! I've got to get my glasses off. There we go. Ground nine silver.

Starting point is 02:19:25 You're eating those very loisily. Oh, I'm going over here. Shut up. Hi Paul and Eli. Long time fan and listener. Congratulations on hitting the big ten years. Yay! You are both genuinely the highlight of my week.

Starting point is 02:19:42 Well, that's very nice, Kurt. Thank you. Thank you. The only podcast I've kept up very nice, Kurt. Thank you. Thank you. The only podcast I've kept up with all these years. You should. Thank you. I travel a lot for work. The length of breadth of the country, length and breadth.

Starting point is 02:19:53 And Cheap Show has kept me company since around episode 50-ish. Well, never a dull moment. Nope. My favorite still has to be the episode 140 with the infamous Irish Jimmy. Okay, that's again another Derek Is it story? Yeah, is that 140 with Stuart Irish Jimmy? Yeah fucking hell We've done a lot of we did these things which were found foot found footage style tapes

Starting point is 02:20:16 If anyone doesn't yeah remember. Yeah Some guy called Derek whose Tom was uncle right? I think that's complicated But basically he wrote he created stories for kids that were unnecessary and unsettling. Very good, so you've got the Brookside Tiger, the Bonehover, Irish Jimmy and then Irish Jimmy. There was a fourth one, UFO. And the UFO one.

Starting point is 02:20:36 Mars UFO. That's it. It's a four part trilogy. The infamous Irish Jimmy. Because he says, we all knew he was Irish and then he says and it's at that moment that I realized he was Irish yeah it's like very clear he was Irish to everyone reading the story man Jesus Christ anyway come on fun fact I had to pull over on the M40 during that episode I was laughing so hard all the best and here's to another 10,

Starting point is 02:21:05 providing you don't kill each other first. I mean, the odds are good. Odds are good. You want to say something about that, Paul? I'll kill you. Best, Kurt. Thank you. Kind regards, Kurt. Guvn. Govn. Govn. Right.

Starting point is 02:21:16 Mr. Govn, you're a gentleman. Thank you very much. Right, Lee Spence. I'm going to read this one out. Lee Spence is on our Cheap Show album because Lee Spence gave us, for example, the Mayor requests and nostalgia's gonna get you to Eurovision bangers.

Starting point is 02:21:31 The heart of the Eurovision experience. Dear Paul and Eli, as the Cheap Show celebrates its first decade, and last, I wanna just add in my gratitude, because we're not doing 20 years of this. Why not? Because I'll fucking kill ya. My gratitude for a show that guarantees to make me laugh every week, for embracing surreal,

Starting point is 02:21:47 dollar-ous and anti-humour, and for never having the same format every week. Truly spoiling me for other podcasts. Well, sometimes we do, don't we? Yeah, but we try and mix it up as much as we can. We're going in for another Jack Daniels. I must also thank you for everything Cheap Show's given me through the Your Invision Song Contest, and for all kinds of messages I've received from your audience. Entering the contest may have been among the most

Starting point is 02:22:06 best decisions I've ever made and I wear my association with cheap show with pride Lee honestly they're great we're not in an anti comedy way in a fucking great just joyously sounding yeah musical way he said he ends this by saying the mayor requests you to celebrate because nostalgia is gonna get you thank you Lee love it I request yeah I saying the mayor requests you to celebrate because nostalgia is gonna get you. Thank you least love it I believe the mayor requests Yeah, I prefer the mayor requests, but both are on our vinyl album which you can get on diggersfactory.com And they won, Lee won What?

Starting point is 02:22:33 With nostalgia is gonna get you Wow, right how many of those we had man? Three we've done three Done three we're gonna do another one this year Future Paul's gonna love that. Fuck you, Jepul. Cunt. Stupid fat wanker.

Starting point is 02:22:50 Right, this is from Rob. He is fucking fat. Rob, greetings and salutations to YouTube show chaps. I prob- you probably get thousands of similar messages. Well, hundreds. Thousands? Hundreds? But I wanted- How many more is there to go, man?

Starting point is 02:23:04 There's only a few. But I wanted to check in and say hi and thank you i've been listening to since your appearance on barshens in 2019 i was going for a real tough time at that time my 10 year relationship fell apart i was denied an opportunity to see my family i went into deep depression and the only thing that could make me smile was you two cracking the stupidest possible jokes shouting at each other like an old married couple and producing the worst ever podcast every week you became the first content creators quote unquote hate that phrase that I support on patreon my contribution is small thank you I think as I think of it as a little thank you that I send you every month thank you as

Starting point is 02:23:40 we often say give what you can but only if you can and those who can we thank you wow slick bad didn't it when it comes to the money I don't really have As we often say, give what you can, but only if you can. And those who can, we thank you. Wow, he slicked that, didn't he? When it comes to the money. I don't really have a favorite episode. I'd say that I'd say that the 130 to 200 episode bracket is my favorite era. It's an era.

Starting point is 02:23:56 Purely based on the fact that my brain fogged. Sorry for a long dramatic message. It just feels right to say thanks to you both. Long live Cheap Show. PS, if you're ever in Italy, come by and see me if you're in the north maybe and who is that from that was from rob rob thank you very much right this one's from al i'm gonna have a wank no well how are you actually feeling oh can i when can i rub it off the water helped yeah a little bit with the nausea because i was beginning to feel a little bit over one because i'm gonna have some more whiskey i've got some in

Starting point is 02:24:23 here i think yes you do a little bit go Read that email then now baby. I want more whiskey. Read it. Kiss me. Kiss me on my bumhole. Kiss me on my arsehole. Pucker up for my poo poo. Make it sound so seducing. Pick up, pucker up for poo poo pipe. Seductive as fuck. Come on baby, pucker up for poopoo pipe. Come on. Pucker up for poopoo pipe. Let's do that as a song. Pucker up for poopoo pipe. Come on.

Starting point is 02:24:52 You can't even do a song now. One two one two, pucker up for poopoo pipe. One two one two, pucker up for poopoo pipe. Three four three four, suck upon the lily war. Thick four thick lily war. Suck upon the lily war. One two war suck upon the lily war one two one two suck upon my poopy poop like that in it Fucking cool one three one three suck upon my willy neaf two four two four good good school for

Starting point is 02:25:20 Did you got a school for? education my friend To learn the classic g the classic that's a guy Excuse me. Yeah, I didn't mean to interrupt you like a scene. Sorry. I'm education Let me tell you a one two one two three four three four four come on my willy-daw my poopy woo Three four three four Suck up on my willy door My poopy door Suck up on my poopy door I'm out of here, it's not working for me

Starting point is 02:25:50 One two one two Suck up on my willy woo Three four three four Suck up on my poopy door My poopy door I wish I hadn't asked for that I wish I hadn't asked for that You ready for me to read another email?

Starting point is 02:26:02 Read it now This episode's gonna be forever. I know, I tried to tell you. Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry we're drunk and we're being horrible people. It's our birthday, so how dare you judge us? They're not. As much as the- listen, can I have a sip of that water please? Alright, go on for it!

Starting point is 02:26:22 That's all that happens, isn't it? You know what it is, when I start laughing so much- Dangerous content. Please Dangerous content when I start laughing so much that I cry. Yeah, it's not Please don't start doing that one two one two one two one two pity boo one three four three four one two one two willy wall No, you're Willy versus my Willy. I do not... Willy Warp. Let's have a Willy Warp.

Starting point is 02:26:49 I've already told you... Come on, let's have a Willy Warp! Let's have a Willy Warp. Willy Warp. Put that down, you're a fucking freak. It's not sexy anymore when you get in your late 40s, Paul. When you get in your late 40s, this is not sexy. You're in your 50s though, aren't you?

Starting point is 02:27:03 Yeah, but I'm not saying I want a Willy Warp, am I? You're a 50 man. I keep thinking you're in your 50s though aren't you know i'm not saying i want a willy war am i 50 man i keep thinking you're like in depot like you're in simple minds or something with that fucking hat on 50 man 50 van want you want to really one 50 55 what do you want to really one he's doing it guys read it come on i can't see it where's my lighter give me a lighter give me a lighter you come onunt. Have a little breather. Have a little breather. Can I ask one question? Yeah. How many packets of Seabrooks did you eat? I've had three. You've had three? I'm surprised man. I thought it was two. No three. Wow. And what were they just ready sorted? Yeah. Good crisps man. crisp there's one two crisp I'll have one of those leave one of those packs with me man he threw it

Starting point is 02:27:51 right my head my face oh yeah that makes sense it's five so yeah you have three you can have these two Jesus you can have those two mate bless you won't go the ways but God no no no bless you now read the email patti the lighter big bop bish bosh boo baa boo boo bar you oh mate i'm recording really yeah for how long 40 minutes and 13 seconds i haven't been recording this how can you know it at the time because i'm lying one two one two one two one two one two willy woo three four three four one two one two willy woo to Willie Woo, 3, 4, 3, 4, 1, 2, 1, 2, Willie Woo. Shut up! Honestly, man.

Starting point is 02:28:24 You know when we do special episodes and it ends up being actually really detrimental to our reputation? This is this. Everything. 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, Willie Woo, 3, 4, 3, 4, 1, 2, 1, 2, Willie Woo. Paul. Read. Where's me lighter?

Starting point is 02:28:42 Where's me lighter? You keep hiding it from me. You keep hiding my lighter from me. There's a little green one. A little green see-through one. And you've nicked it. You've tabbed it, nicked it, wallowed it and no interruptions. Oh what an atmosphere We need more music God No, not from you right is the mic am I coming fine? You're coming through okay? Say major Tom dear Paul and Eli hello. Who's this firstly?

Starting point is 02:29:28 Happy bloody birthday. Thank you. What a milestone to reach you've done such a fabulous job of producing a podcast that is packed full of variety and proper belly laughs. I love the podcast so much, it's my sleeping buddy. Every night I listen. Alright Al. Just stroke it. It's Al. A-L. There's Al, stroke it.

Starting point is 02:29:39 Oh, it's a lady. I don't care, stroke it. Think of me and stroke it. Come on you belly. You know what I need to use my invention. Why? Just don't be, stroke it. Think of me and stroke it. Come on, you belly. You know what? I need to use my investment. Why? Just... just... Should I finish reading it?

Starting point is 02:29:48 Don't be kind about this. Should I finish reading it? You're differently abled. No! You're differently abled. My lungs are differently abled. You're asthmatic. Just say asthmatic. Yes. Don't say differently abled.

Starting point is 02:29:59 No, don't mock me for being asthmatic. I'm not mocking you for... I'm asthmatic. I'm not mocking you. I'm just mocking you for using the frayed differently abled You've gone you went straight from the left to the right there, didn't you? Every humans got a little bit of left and a little bit of right and that's fine The problem is how far left and how far right you are wish you you wish you woo. Well, that's not what I meant. But anyway, right. Come on, mate, you're letting me just hang on.

Starting point is 02:30:30 I'm not letting you know. No, no, I'll read it. You can shut the fuck up. I'll glass you. I'll glass you. You haven't got a glass yet. I've got a glass now. I'll fucking steep it in your eyes. Please, let's not get to this. That's no, I can't take that. That incense is steep it in your eyes. Please let's not get to this. That's no I

Starting point is 02:30:45 can't take that incense it's going right in my face. Pour some water on that shit because I'm not otherwise we're not going to. How about I hold it over here. Can you not. I'm going to hold it up here like Statue of Liberty and put my hand up. Honestly Paul I'm having an asthmatic thing. Please it's doing my. Oh my god big baby. Big baby. Please. No, you'll burn yourself. Right, thank you. Are you ready now? Baby. Just calm down. Big baby Eli. Read this email out before I tear your arsehole off. Dear Paul and Eli. Yep. Firstly, happy bloody birthday. Thank you. What a milestone to reach. Thank you. You've done such a fabulous job of producing podcasts, packed full of variety and proper belly laughs. I love the podcast so much it's sleeping buddy every night I listen that's where we got

Starting point is 02:31:26 to got it secondly I want to thank you both I've been in some pretty dark places in my life but you guys and your podcast have turned that push well I can't breathe properly if you like the incense you'll never get to the end of this email and I'll never give you your phone back. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe. You'll never get to the end of this email and I'll never give you your phone back. You'll never get to the end of this email. It's a fucking do it happy birthday to you happy birthday Happy birthday, I want crisps don't eat more crisps. I've got I've got crisps for you. I've got some spicy nuts I'm gonna drink some water drink some weed it into my microphone. I do well I've been some pretty dark places in my life

Starting point is 02:32:20 But you guys in your podcast have been a beacon of light in those dark hours Helping me smile and laugh when I thought I'd never do either again. So come on listen so again thank you so much so so much from the bottom of my heart thank you. Sorry if this email cost us a bit creepy or scary no? No. I just want to let you both know that you're not just excellent podcasters, but lifesavers Al come on come on Allison we blank a blast you very much keep doing what you're doing The Allison who said yes as I bet I'm not the only one you two have helped over the years

Starting point is 02:32:56 We do get this from people. I do and the thing is we never go out Expecting lots of love to you both she finishes we make a podcast to amuse ourselves effectively and if you enjoy it and it ends up you know it's fantastic that it has but isn't it weird how we go out to be funny and it is funny but it also is in equal measure seems to be therapeutic to people is what it comes down to yeah it's weird what it comes down to. Yeah. It's weird. Right. It's strange to me. That's the way we're going with this. This is from Perch and Moo, a aforementioned wife. Congratulations on 10 years. I think I joined around to episode 69 as I recall sitting in that one particular episode on the train to Eastern around 7am. Poor, poor. Slow down, slow down.

Starting point is 02:33:42 My highlights from the past 10 years include, The winky episode. I didn't get any of the beginning of that. Particularly the old story. I didn't get any of the beginning of the email. And they said they've been listening to 69. And who's their name? Their name is Perch. Hello Perch.

Starting point is 02:33:53 Hello Perch. Can we get to the former- Umami ass piece, I sing this from time to time. Don't think I'll ever forget it. I remember that. I remember that. All the Derek stories, Bonehover especially. Four. Bonehover's a classic.

Starting point is 02:34:04 I asked my wife, Perch, well done. As a non-listener, and she just said, Oh the Derek stories, Bonehover especially. Bonehover is a classic. I asked my wife as a non-listener and she just said Madame Lady Plops, which I wholeheartedly agree with. A character you could have fleshed out more but you didn't want to embrace your feminine side I feel. The Price of Shite, classic piece of politics. He knows that's true because it hurts. You were there during Covid when I was painting my first home with my wife on the chain journeys to work on holidays abroad every week for years thank you so much keep on spoffing roll on 20 years much love to you Perch and Moo. Paul's not doing 20 years he's stated as much shut up you cunt. Dear Paul and Eli says Natasha thank you for 10 incredible years I started listening eight years

Starting point is 02:34:42 ago. Fucking that blows my fucking mind. I know. I have a lot of fun memories, but here's the one I distinctly remember. I was listening to episode 125 the day it came out. I took a sip of Cherry Pepsi Max. Which is 125? Just as- I don't know. Do they say? No. Just as Paul brought up the poo stress ball toy and how his girlfriend would hide it in his bed. In that moment I spat my Pepsi- Do you remember that? Yeah. This is lovely. I spat my Pepsi everywhere trying to suppress my laughter.

Starting point is 02:35:06 It stained the wall behind my computer and I had to cover it up with a piece of furniture. Erm, to keep it quiet. One of my favourite moments. What do you mean to keep it quiet? Tasha. The pooth. The pooth. To not show the splash on the wall.

Starting point is 02:35:18 Well, you're doing badly with the reading out. David Gish said this. All the episodes that feature our guest are gold. I'm unsure what Chocca is, but I do want feature a guest are gold, I'm unsure what Chocker is but I do want some. Chobber he means. Paul doing kissy noises at Eli in the tunnels was funny as fuck, not sure what episodes they were, that particular one is episode like 3, 9, 8 or something, it's called End of the Line, it's a walkabout episode, we did the trains to Ali Pali. You mean the...

Starting point is 02:35:46 Longest Linear London Walk, that one. The Greenway, whatever it's called. Parkway, the Parkland Walk. The Parkland Walk. Longest Linear's Longest. Longest Linear Park. Mate, you honestly, Paul, Future Paul's gonna be very angry because you've been mumbling. Mumble, mumble.

Starting point is 02:36:02 I'm pissed. I am pissed as a fucking fart. Can I read the last email then? There's loads to go. Oh my god. We can't do this. We need another break. Anyway, green wine has hilarious hearing Pete Pearlball Descend into drunken stupor on the nasty stuff. Thank you David. Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Herbal? Her Sasha Mitchell says this, Hi guys, I've been listening to 20 since 2017. I won't get into it, but I was in a not a happy place mentally. And I was living in this horrid flat, but despite all my stress, I knew that whenever I needed to laugh, I could put an episode on and feel better about things.

Starting point is 02:36:34 That's right. Let's all feel better. I get so excited. All these clasping is falling everyone. I get so excited when it's Friday because it's cheap show day. I can't think of it. It's cheap show day.

Starting point is 02:36:43 I can't thank you enough. For the best times and worst times, you guys have always made me laugh and forget my troubles Congrats on 10 years and here's to 10 more from your Scottish oddness Paul can we say like two years more? Yeah, can you commit to that? Yeah Really late is I keep you having this weird paranoid thought. Oh fuck you Paul in the eye having this weird paranoid thought you in the balls. Because of all this celebration of the ten years, you're like gonna drop it on me that it's coming to an end. It is. Right, ten year birthday. I'm gonna read this last one that you can connect to you. Oh come on mate. Is it? Is it though? Is it? Is it? Lain J sent

Starting point is 02:37:15 another Rath episode saying congratulations. I first read about you in The Guardian, British comedy podcast, December 2019. I saw an episode called Poo Poo Out Of Bumhole. If we could get some more of that, if we could get some more of that Guardian fucking. Oh they've ignored us, they've ignored us. If you're listening to this and you love us, just share and enjoy. Share and enjoy and rave about it.

Starting point is 02:37:31 Get some more of that Guardian love, man. You know? I was hooked when I heard Poo Poo Out Of Bumhole. You got me through the pandemic and some other hardships. It was an honor to see you collect the Golden Lobe Award that you so rightly deserved. Thank you, that's what I wanted to mention. And you should be immensely proud of yourself. That was a fun night and Leighton was part of the reason it was fun. Yeah he

Starting point is 02:37:50 was. It's great to have a fan there. You can read this one. Don't you agree? Tell you what, hang on, let me just stop this. Stopping this, hang on, let me time for the party. We're still partying everybody. We've done the whole Jack Daniels. I've had two energy drinks. Right, Richard Shaw says... Both sugar free. Thank you for the inspiration to never buy too many ballgames that I never played. Hey, Paul, can I just say one thing before you go on, please?

Starting point is 02:38:49 The bollocks, the carpool, karaoke. Someone, your fucking flatmate's shouty, man. He's having a phone conversation, I can't do anything about that. You've been going for fucking 8 hours or something on this. We've been recording for 20 hours. Thanks for the noodle update tonight, boss nightbusters. Can you please talk more clearly? Try and just slow down. Thank you for your inspiration to buy many board games and ever play. Carpool karaoke, k-bolucks to that. Oh my god. Thank you for the noodle

Starting point is 02:39:17 updates and nightbusters. You've got to let me read most of these. That's that one from Richard Shaw. And now it's my turn to read one. Yeah this one's from Rihanna, our queen. You gotta respect the queen of Rihanna. One of our earliest vocal fans and we love her. Amazing. And she's passed like medical degrees and all sorts. She's a clever, clever bunny. Proper scientist. Been a listener since February or March 2017. Stroke March. Stroke March. 2017 wow. During a hospital stay. Episode 36 to be exact. That is the earliest episode we've had quoted I think today. So far so good, yeah.

Starting point is 02:39:50 It is, no I do think that is. I think the last episode was earlier than that. Oh that's right, sorry. Yeah but you're in there Rhiannon. I mean Rhiannon gets a dispensation because she's just between. But also came to almost all of our early live shows. Yeah 100, 300, she definitely came to almost all of our early live shows. Yeah, 100, 300. She definitely came to episode...

Starting point is 02:40:09 She was at this Cheerful Earful as well, last year or whatever it was. Even was one of the few early fans who stepped up and went, I'm a fan and I love you. This is Rhiannon though, not Even. I meant Rhiannon. Rhiannon, I'm very drunk. Rhiannon is one of the first vocal fans that I remember sticking up for us and saying, I love you.

Starting point is 02:40:29 Edit points. Yeah, no edit points. Fuck you! Can you turn that fucking incense off? It's fucking killing me. Please. Please. Don't do it without... Ow! Oh man. I burnt me fingertips.

Starting point is 02:40:40 I know, you will do. It's not even out. It's not even out. Can you just... I put it out my tongue. No, please. Just no, don't hurt yourself. Please just butt it out. You it's not even out. It's not even out. Can you just- I put it out my tongue. No, please just no don't hurt yourself. Please just butt it out. You can just butt it out. I don't want to see this.

Starting point is 02:40:50 I don't want to see this. I did it didn't I? Didn't I do it? On me tongue? You have done it on your tongue. Well done. Look at that. Yeah, you're like a character from some kind of 80s low budget action film.

Starting point is 02:41:02 Am I, have I turned you on is my question. This is really fucked me off. Come on darling. How is your mouth feeling? How is your mouth feeling? Fine it doesn't feel hot at all. Is there a taste of like strong spice? A little bit yeah a little bit of weird. Yeah you're the worst honestly I've said that before right and yet you can still and yet you still do a podcast with. So what does that say about you? That you're desperate. Yeah, basically. Yeah. So ultimately, you've just placed yourself at the bottom of the fucking ladder. I know. And I ended up with you. I deserve you.

Starting point is 02:41:36 You stupid cunt wanker cunt. Attached your fucking boat to this sinking ship. Let's load load. Go on, read a Rhiannon's letter. Love you Rhiannon. I've opened this Desperado now. Do you want any? No.

Starting point is 02:41:54 I'm going to shake the bottle then. Yeah, go for it. You're more than welcome to. Enjoy the bottle of Desperado. Even thinking about it is turning my stomach. I've converted him to Desperado. He is a Desperado fan. I do, I am not. God, that's awful.

Starting point is 02:42:07 Oh God, that's awful. Yeah, well you're drinking it now. I can't drink that. I can't drink it. Are you gonna? I'm not gonna, no. I'm not having it now. You've touched your dirty lips on it.

Starting point is 02:42:15 Read Rhiannon's letter now or I'll take the phone off you. Five, four, three, two. I'm getting my fucking glasses on. Go on, granddad. Put them on. You wear glasses all the time. I don't. How dare you? You specky fucking creep.

Starting point is 02:42:30 Fucking hell, Paul. We really need to stop recording. No. You need to go home. You need to call the cab. You go home. I am home. You're not.

Starting point is 02:42:39 Oh, Jesus Christ. This is the House of Pickles and it exists in a number of spaces. We're reading almost fucking Oldest fan Rihanna and McDonald's letter here. All right, have some fucking decorum and Respect go on during a hospital stay episode 36 to be exact since then there hasn't been an episode Why I haven't laughed. Thank you. Thank you hasn't been an episode where I haven't laughed. Thank you, Rhiannon. Thank you, Rhiannon. You're right, Paul. I've mentioned this in the past before, but the pod has been there

Starting point is 02:43:10 during countless retail night shifts, long bus, train journeys, and has even got me through two degrees. Congratulations and well done on getting those degrees. Huge thank you. Huge congratulations on those degrees. It's best if you just pipe down, I think, Paul. I think I'm well past the point of contributing anything of worth to this podcast. No, you keep saying the wrong thing exactly, which is like your... Whizzers, bizzars, whizzers, woo. Stock in trade. Right, the pod.

Starting point is 02:43:41 Off. Did you say... I said pod, you said off. That was your... Pod off. Pod off. Get my pod off. You're cracking me up now because it's so idiotic. I love idiocy Paul. That's why I stick with you. That's what you were asking me. Yeah. It's because I love your idiocy.

Starting point is 02:43:57 Because you're a nincompoop. No not me you. I'm a nincompoop. Yes thank you. Right. Okay good he's admitted. Poop poop. Come on fat lips read your story. he's admitted come on fat lips read

Starting point is 02:44:06 your story come on you're virgin come on honest beard chin beard I haven't been on my chin come on neck force get your fucking story now now come on get your story out two degrees that's where we were yeah pod has been there especially when I've needed to pick me up so So on a personal note, I thank you both for all the laughs. Thank you, Rhiannon. Thank you so much. Been a fantastic presence within the pod fan community over the years. Indeed.

Starting point is 02:44:34 Special mention has to go to the awards and the subsequent episodes. Something I never expected to gain as much traction as they did when I came up with the idea. Which is something we might do next year. Cheap Show Awards. Yeah, as a laugh kind of a big event kind of Oscar special. Our own awards, yes. Happy Birthday Cheap Show, here's to many more years of the podcast. Thank you very much.

Starting point is 02:44:55 Thank you so much, Rhiannon. There's heart and there's some kind of party popper or something emoji. Party popper, let's have a little look at that. Right, this is from Charles. Just don't, because you're completely garbling the beginning because you're trying to rush it too much. Eli's mystery pissed picnic. I must have listened to this episode 30 times.

Starting point is 02:45:12 Hey, that's my favourite one. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a favourite t-shirt. It reminds me of a summer of 84 when I kicked the booze. Wow. Did a lot of gardening and yard work. It was blazing hot that year and that episode was an anthem to all the Tomfooloo of the time.

Starting point is 02:45:26 Specifically enjoyed when you referred to Keith as a raisin while suppressing a vom, and Eli assuring us that Keith was safely nozzled in laddies and gentlemen. Your out and about episodes are peak living vicariously. You both have great talent for breaking the fourth wall and bringing the listener along with us. I know you don't elaborate on how people say thank you for your letters. I don't receive compliments well either, but you and E! Live created something unique. It's uplifting and self-depreciating at the same time.

Starting point is 02:45:52 You've made a podcast that's something special for a lot of people. I guarantee you hear this a lot, but your show has helped many through some bad days. We do hear that a lot. And it's made a lot of good days all the better. Grateful to you, Charlie Chodny Barov. Charlie Chodny Barov, thank you. We love you. We love your emails.

Starting point is 02:46:08 This one's from Cam. Now let me read them. This one's a short one. A personal highlight of mine is the episodes with just you two and Ethan Lawrence, him being a fan of the pod and being fully aware of the dynamic and the sense of humor makes your episodes an absolute treat. Thank you, fellas, for putting out this wonderful and silly pod

Starting point is 02:46:21 every week for all these years. Who's this person's name? This was Cam. It's all Cam. Thank you. Right, we're onto our last two emails. And let me read them. Do you want to read the last one then?

Starting point is 02:46:32 You shouldn't because you're really doing badly. I read the last two fine. Yeah, they were better. Oh, fuck you. No, don't stop. You've said that a lot as well. Fuck you. How about we end the episode with me entering you.

Starting point is 02:46:42 How about that? Mouth or south? I'll enter you. Mouth or south? Mate, you forgot that bit you were doing before because you brought that back now. Mouth or south? No, what was that song you were doing before? One, two, one, two, I'll take you up the poo. Three, four, three, four, take you up the grave. He's trying, it's not the same everyone, is it? Not the same. You listen to it, you know it. Shall I just do the last two letters? Yeah

Starting point is 02:47:06 Go on Piggy woo, we like piggy woo, this is our birthday woo woo woo I know We've managed to get pissed, that's for sure I am absolutely out of my tittle You're not You're fine, you've had a few glasses of whiskey Stop touching yourself

Starting point is 02:47:21 I'm feeling quite horny Stop touching yourself I want hands up for these two last two. Baby hands up, give me your love. That's Otto Wands' other number. Do you know that? Yeah I do. That's Otto Wands' other number. Did you say that was your first word?

Starting point is 02:47:37 Disco was my D-I-S-C-O. I can't believe how deep we're getting now. D-I-S-C-O. Was Otto Wands' first here. Hands up, baby hands up. Give me your love. SCO was all to once first. Yeah Baby Give me your love give me give me your love, baby. Give me I'm not gonna touch my dick I promise go behind your head like that doing it. That's how I like it. Yo, yo Jen L. Yo, Jen L fit Can you please Your face fine, what a fuck everyone. Can you shut up fucking good though in it? Can you please? Your feet fine fuck everyone can you shut up fucking good though in it?

Starting point is 02:48:08 Can you shut up these fuck that I should notice you didn't get like this with Rhiannon Did you? Respect and the Rhiannon get oh, I see she gets respect but no Jen L doesn't get respect fuck this fuck Paul you need to pipe down my friend. All right, okay. I'll calm it. These are the last two emails come on. I'm gonna just smoke this over there. Yeah just go smoke that over there. Jesus Christ. Happy birthday to me. Fucking hell man. Paul Gannon's a G, and he's great and you know it and Eli is a poo hole. I'm a poo hole. Okay here. Yo congratulations on the 10th birthday and the award. Thank you very much, Jen.

Starting point is 02:48:49 What have we done again? Yo, congratulations on the 10th birthday and the award. Thank you very much, Jen. Better. Thank you very much, Jen. Thank you, Jen. Shh. Can you shut up, please?

Starting point is 02:49:00 Come on, you belly. Hopefully, I'm not too late for the favourite bit. Bit? No you're not. But I don't have a single favourite bit. Well, there you go. You are too late then. You were never on...

Starting point is 02:49:10 Very much late. You ruined it. You never were there. Get out. Go on. This is a quite complicated sentence that Janice... Have a go at it then. I'll start from the beginning. Clever clogs.

Starting point is 02:49:22 Hope I'm not too late for the favourite bit bit. But I don't have a single favourite bit. There's far too many to count. However, I'd like to put in a good word for the Umami Arse piece. That's come up a few times hasn't it? That's the second time. Umami Arse piece. That was a song I did, innit?

Starting point is 02:49:36 It is. Well done, you. That was fucking great. That was proper... If I do say so myself, that was like... No, no, no, no, no, rough-a-dee-rough-rough Umami Arse piece. Derek and Clive level stuff. Oh, if I do say so myself that was Clive level stuff. What is that from a mommy ass piece doesn't matter. I came up You're right. It was a hilarious song. It was I remember being hilarious two people think so

Starting point is 02:50:05 Including Jen. Thank you. However, oh no, that's the first however we've got it's like a bottle and if however I'd like to put in a good word for the umami ass. Oh, no, I already said don't mommy ass piece Come on love. You know, I thought there's gonna be a battle and if honorable mention goes to sarcophagi may I could suck That's your best gag any day of the work. That's your best gag. Yeah, it took ten years nine by the way I have some interesting Asian sodi pops to send you please then to Fa o mean fact fact of No, you don't know do you fa o fo fa o fact for big in capitals as it's like care of Yeah, no, I know fa o for

Starting point is 02:50:41 You don't know for now. Here's a character that I didn't think would get mentioned tonight, but is getting mentioned. Go on. Juicy Jeremy. Oh, Juicy Jeremy, that's right! Yeah, because Asian Sodie Pops. Yes. I got my Sodie Pops! I love to taste Sodie Pops.

Starting point is 02:50:57 I like the Sodie Pops! He was an animal fucker and quite rightly died. No, that was, you forgot. He did not. Did you do that character? Yes, I did. And you did that other character, which was the animal. No, that was, you forgot. He did not. Did you do that character? Yes, I did. And you did the other character, which was the animal fucker. Willy Wonka. Yes. Hey, I fucked that pig. Yeah, no one liked him. I liked him. And ultimately, that's all that really matters. No one really liked him. I think you can accept that. You are responsible for a lot of stuff. No one, no one this whole evening has mentioned Willyanker, apart from you, and I couldn't

Starting point is 02:51:25 even remember their name. They're a second-rate character, just admit it. Juicy Jeremy is not, just admit it. It's fine. I'm fine with that. Okay. I'll get over it. Right, last email?

Starting point is 02:51:35 Fuck that pig in the fucking eyes. How do I get to the last email? I'll go and do it now. You're doing it. Give me a back one and do your thing and then back one and this is the last one. This is from Jonathan McKendree hi guys i've been listening to you every week since i first heard cheap show via the barshens days help me get through covid lockdown and something look forward to every single week and that's it

Starting point is 02:51:57 so Jonathan thank you that was short and sweet at the end it's a very short and sweet one at the end thank you Jonathan uh late jay ends with us saying what's your favorite jay sweet one at the end. Thank you Jonathan. Layton J. ends with us saying what's your favourite. Layton J. that wasn't the last one though. No it's just come in, it's literally just come in right now. Literally it's hot off the breast. Weird, he knows that so well. I'd ask you, each of you, what is the best sausage you've ever eaten?

Starting point is 02:52:17 I had some sausages today mate. Was it special to you? What sausage? Oh so many to choose from. That's all of them I think. So many sausages. You're not even going to attempt to answer the question. I can't remember my best sausage. I thought they were from Sascha.

Starting point is 02:52:29 I had some sausages today, some beef ones and I had some beef ones the other day. I've been on a beef sausage tip. Have ya? Yeah, absolutely. They're delicious. I prefer a beef sausage. All of my best sausages. One of my, oh actually I'm remembering now, one of my best ever sausage experiences Paul. Beef and Guinness. Beef and Guinness sausage. Wait, I missed Sasha. Hello Sasha, I've been meaning to say this all the week. I love you guys. I've been listening since 2017. Hello Sasha. Did they address themselves? Yeah. You're Scottish old miss Sasha. I won't get into it but I was not in the best place mentally and I was living in this horrid flat But despite it all and the stress it's on you this one I could have a laugh every Friday when your latest episode came out I was so excited when it was Friday because it was cheap show day I sincerely can't fight. Thank you enough through the best times and the worst times you guys have always made me laugh

Starting point is 02:53:19 Congratulations on ten years and I'll send some more limited edition iron brew thank you Sasha thank you do you remember that iron brew was terrible was that the limited edition there's been loads of all the sugar free stuff there's been some new ones on the block and someone's sending us mate I'm still waiting for fucking orange creme coca-cola because it's a big deal man it's a big deal yeah it's the most big corporate response we've ever achieved In terms of calling out for it and then it being done. This is a noodle special like the colas the sodas and things like that We were given That was pretty good. But hey, that's all the Letters that we've covered. I think we've covered everyone. I put music on. Thank you so much to everyone now it is

Starting point is 02:54:03 We've done this. This has been a long podcast and me and Eli are very How long is this last bit? 17 minutes this counts as it is unedited I have not touched a single moment apart from all of the razors stuff Eli said in earlier in the episode which I cut out for so not to upset the Chinese So that's fine. Just stop, stop it. Stop it now. If you're listening to this, we will be live this evening on YouTube from 8pm UK time. We're going to do this very special live stream party episode.

Starting point is 02:54:34 We've got some guests, we've got some games. We're going to keep it loose and fancy three. Join us on YouTube. And if you're in the future listening to this, it's on YouTube. Look for Cheap Shows 10th Birthday Party livestream on YouTube. And that's it. What should we do, mate? This is it.

Starting point is 02:54:50 This is the end of the episode. We have to clear up because this is my room. I live in here. No, I agree. I've got to pack all this all the way. But mate, sincerely, this is 10 years of this podcast. I mean, he's getting sincere now. He's just been a mumbling dickhead for like at least 40 minutes.

Starting point is 02:55:03 When we started this we didn't really think it was going to get to 50 episodes let alone 450 right? We didn't know our lives were in weird places. Since can I just say when it comes to favorite moments. Oh we haven't done that you can't. You fucking can't. All I have to say is like going to LA and doing those episodes out there was so special to me. LA is like my second home and so being with Brian doing the walkabout seeing Tim Heidecker Going to Disneyland all that stuff was like a genuine joy for me So my favorite cheap show moment is the LA adventure when we went out to LA And I think I might be sick. That's twice now. I've tried to swallow some sick down mate. You need to have another sip of water

Starting point is 02:55:47 Just calm down, okay, it's cuz I'm talking too much because you refuse to help me on this podcast You refuse don't yeah, you refuse to help the podcast exceed favorite moment. Yeah, what's your favorite moment? This is gonna be so underwhelming now What have I written here fish shops? This is gonna be so underwhelming now. What have I written here? Fish shops Is that really it? Yeah, I've all the many years of this podcast I'm a comedy connoisseur Paul and I like and the fish and I'll get comedy Yeah, it's an archic improvised comedy and I think that's those that's why my favorite episode was I'm Norman as well Okay, something, you know weird and yeah, and I gotta kill you. That's my vibe everyone. Thanks for listening Love you know, weird, different. Yeah. Organically or two. That's my vibe, everyone.

Starting point is 02:56:26 Thanks for listening. Love you, Paul. Honestly. Look, as I say. I'll see you tomorrow when I get my money. You'll see me tomorrow when you get your fucking money. I'll see you Friday when we do our live stream. Which will happen,

Starting point is 02:56:37 because it's Monday when we're recording this, and then Friday we release it, and then Friday evening we're doing the live stream. Wow. 10 years. 10 years of this fucking podcast. What is going on in the world though as well? The award-winning cheap show podcast. So 10 years ago what year was that?

Starting point is 02:56:50 2015, er, 15 yeah. We bring joy. We are fucking bringing the light. We are fucking enjoying the comedy within the thrift. We are showing you the treasure amongst the trash. We will continue to fucking show you the treasure amongst the trash. We will continue to fucking show you the treasure amongst the trash. We'll continue to fucking show you the joy in the cheap. We will continue to fucking love everything.

Starting point is 02:57:09 Well done. I love you. Me and Eli will fucking continue to batter on the walls of fucking boredom and show you comedy every fucking week. We will continue to give you something different every week and we will do this. I love you guys. Thanks. Because Cheap Show is the most independent podcast of all fucking time. Of all time. I mean that's a high claim. You are a fucking

Starting point is 02:57:29 cunt and that's all I've got to say. I'm proud of this podcast. Alright. I might edit some of the farts and the burps out. I could have done that. Did you fart? I'm the pissing when I pissed in that podcast with Bifo and the Vendel Shemparish. Are you going to go back and re-cut? But I won't do that. It is raw and raw. Oh, I like that. And this is it, and I'm happy, and I love Cheap Show, and I love you, and I love the listeners.

Starting point is 02:57:51 I love you too, Paul. And that's all I've gotta say. I love the listeners too. That's all I've gotta say, but this has to end now. This podcast, this week's episode has to end now, or I'll be sick in your lap. Right, happy birthday. Happy birthday, guys.

Starting point is 02:58:02 Happy birthday, back to it next week. But for now, thank you for listening Thank you for supporting the cheap code at UK doing it again John.com Patron give what you can only if you can I'm cute look this Thanks for that rock patrons. I'm not everybody night night fucking yes cheap show forever He can't stop rock on rock on Tommy. It's never gonna be enough Paul It's never gonna be enough. Never do much. You might as well just choose the moment. I'm gonna fuck something I'm gonna fuck this. What can I fuck? Nothing your girlfriend when you get home. That's not happening, right?

Starting point is 02:58:40 Bye night everyone. Bye bye. See you next week. Happy birthday. That's a good way to end it. Thank you for supporting us, it's very sad. Bye bye everyone, bye bye! Bye bye. Living it up, bumping and a-diving, living it up, ducking and a-diving, living it up, we didn't ever feel it, living it up alright, that's the right word! Living it up, bumping and a-diving, living it up, ducking and a-diving, living it up, we didn't ever feel it, living it up alright!

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CheapShow - Ep 440: The 10th Birthday Office Party

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