CheapShow - Ep 443: Liquid Curios

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

It was a mistake to record on one of the very hottest days of the year. However, the show must go on, even if involves sitting in a small room as the heat melts Paul & Eli’s brains. Paul does have a plan though! He reckons after a slew of epic length episodes; they can afford to throw out another “real time” 60 minute romp that should make everyone happy. As an extra bonus, because it’s so ruddy sweltering, why not spend the episode drinking nice, cold and hopefully refreshing drinks that have recently come their way? It’s a win/win. Let’s just hope these drinks are worthy of quaffing during a heatwave and aren’t a bunch of cheap, nasty bottles of garbage. And what’s this? A new character? Oh dear god, how bad does this episode of CheapShow get? It’s time for a proper quenching! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-443-liquid-curios SEE US LIVE: Oct 18th @ The Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival 2.30pm, London https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/cheapshow---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-18th-oct-2025-tickets Watch Our 10th Birthday YouTube Live Stream! https://youtube.com/live/Z18i8M3Eqac?feature=share And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

It's gonna be a hot night It's gonna be a hot night tonight. It's gonna be a hot night We won't get no sleep tonight too hot too hot Can I ask something? Yes yellow is that a Original it's a song original song. It's off the Ghostbusters soundtrack. Oh off the guys no original to you I didn't make it up. No, so you just, yeah, just off the Ghostbusters what soundtrack? Because I made a song about Ghostbusters. 2016 soundtrack?

No, the 28th, 1984. Oh. Yeah, can't remember who the artist is right now, but it's a female singer. I don't remember that one. Where is it playing in the film? I think it's during, I'm going to be corrected on this, I know I am, I think it's in the,

when Louis Tully's having a party, I think you can hear it in the background. That's a good place for it. And it's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna get it right. All of that. I thought you were coming up with something off the top. You don't like I'm doing now. No. Oh yeah, I got my basslet on. Can I recommend you just copy something then please? Because that is hot garbage. What should I copy hot garbage should I copy style council and yet there are people who say we can't do satire on this podcast right look well end have you heard GLC's well end no if you want some style council

mockery go to listen to that GLC did a tune recently really about people who get poor Weller haircuts. Oh really funny. Have you heard it? Oh, it's really funny. Listen. Can I just do some rule? Explaining this week's episode of cheap show is being done on what is look I think the hottest day of the year so far so far and 33 degrees and I was just saying to you poor earlier Yeah, when we did an episode, boys of summer I think it was, a couple of years ago we were out in 29 degree heat drinking cheap booze in the corner of a field somewhere in the suburbs. That's what we're all about but it would be about five degrees hotter today. This is death weather, this is death burn weather, this is like...

Okay calm down because the ice is melting and we've got some just imagine this for me like ox's head skeleton skull. Right. Okay, so good. Good. Well, carry on. This is working. This is not a waste of anyone's time. Please continue not wasting anyone's time. I wouldn't do this. Here's the thing. It's like the story is, is that it's on the hottest day of the year, I don't want to spend three hours recording this podcast and then... No, it's not going to happen, Paul. I'm a good boy. ...and then spend the next few hot nights editing. I'm a very good little skull boy.

So this is one of our patented Paul Can't Be Fucked To Edit Properly episodes of Cheap Show where it's going to be real time. Once the music ends at the end of the theme tune, it's real time for one solid hour. One hour, Paul. And also, and also, don't you fucking interrupt me. Also, usually when we record, I don't want any background noise. The doors are closed, the windows are closed. That can't be done.

All the doors in my tiny flat are open. The windows, the fans on, you're going to hear that in the background. I'm not doing anything about it. You just have to put up with it. You've had a three hour episode last week, then there's like one hour 41 the week before that then another three hours All right, and we did a three hour live stream You can fucking accept at least one hour ten episode this week because Christ no no one day

We're doing three minutes right now go on Eli now over to you. Thank you, sir He don't give a fuck. That's what he's saying. He don't give a fuck This week. Open the door. Okay, I'm just gonna say this. A man spreading spreading, my nuts, resting in the hole in the cushion, and my arsehole too. And the windows being open is making me embarrassed to make this content. I just want that clear. All the denizens, the noises from the denizens all around Harrow, drifting in, and I hope some do drift. I hope some do noises drifting.

Right. The ice! Oh no! Oh, hey you. Serious though, Paul. On the hottest day of the year, you want to drag this out. The ice is fucking no! Look! Look! Serious though Paul. On the hottest day of the year you want to drag this out. It's melting! Because you are barking like a fucking animal in the corner over there, manspreading, where I can see your garbage and I don't want to look at it. We did a three hour episode last week. I'm taking my clothes off. Exactly.

I'm going to take them all off. Is that kind of... I'm gonna do a nude episode of Cheecho. It's a contingency, don't take those down, please. Oh, I shouldn't have started with the man spreading everyone. Yeah, I'm gonna... Man stripping. Look at this, look at that coming out. Okay, the belly's out, yes, we all love that. Daddy's special bunker is in the house. Now, Paul, there's your big hairy belly. You can't keep your eyes off it, can you? You can't keep your eyes off it. There's your big hairy... it looks like a prop belly from a Russ Abbott show. You know what I mean? Saturday night. But hairy prop belly. Look at that.

It looks like... I could wobble on it. Stop doing that. Now... Can we get on with the episode? I've got a link. Yes. There's your big hairy prop belly, Paul, but what would we be putting in that today? Drinks. See ya! Now for the credits.

Link! Don't you fucking get the last word. Link! Last word. Cheap Show to the Mother Boy! Cheap Show to the Mother Boy! It's the price of shame! Cheap Show to the Mother Boy. Welcome to Cheap Show. Right, it's time for a real time episode of Cheap Show. The real time clock has started.

We are. My cat's in the corner. He don't look happy about all this. He looks grumpy and hot and dismissive. He's been out. No, he's looking around. He's going like, who am I again? What's going on? Like, you're just woken up out there, yeah? Talking to the mic mate, because again, I don't want to edit this too much. He didn't really need that. I was just doing an impression of your cat's inner thoughts. Yeah? Oh, what's going on?

Don't put words into his mouth. I'm going to get up now. He's not thinking that. I'm going to jump down here. He's not thinking that. He's thinking, who's that mouthy conter? How can I get away from him? He loves me. He loves me. Your cat does. He does. He likes special scritching sessions whenever he can. Right, this week, because it's hot. He gets special Eli scritchy love sesh. All round the back of the neck I go and he purrs like a little motor,

like a little carburettor. Remember the windows open mate so try and keep your fucking madness to a semi, semi, semi hard. I am. Now that you asked that belly stuff really set me off Paul. I didn't want to admit this but oh it's going again everybody. Now I have a little technical question to ask Paul. Yeah. Because of the five second lead in. I'm sorry for this episode in advance, continue. Because of the five second lead in. I'm sorry for this episode in advance, continue. Because of the five second lead in that we do professionally. We do 65, 60, 60 minutes and five seconds. That's the countdown. That is and that's when I would say enough is enough. Right, it's a hot day so I thought let's not eat some fucking spicy shit, not muck, let's not do a price of shite, let's get a load of soft drinks in that apart from two of them were super cheap right and also oh i've i contributed a couple and those they were both

cheap as well and some of them came from a letter oh no £2.50 for the pair you said you didn't have a letter there is for the two the tin drinks okay oh no i've got lost it though i'm gone you you talk shit i'm going sure. I've got to look in my bag. Um, so... Oh my god, his pants just fell down everybody. Oh, the vicar's coming for tea. But I have to say, um, Paul has improved his shorts game 100% since the trip to Brighton, where he insisted on wearing the three quarter length, uh, detail pocketed denim monstrosities, I have to say. Not that I'm like a snob about what people should wear, but God, it was terrible. You may have seen it in that photograph. The time, we're running out of time here, Paul.

I've contributed two interesting drinks and they were cheap. Mine was only a quid and a quid fifty Paul. He's passing it down again everyone. He's doing it on purpose now. He's doing it on purpose. He's trying to get a reaction. God, it's all hanging out this week everybody. It's too hot to do an episode. You should be grateful listener that we're doing this on a day when we should be sitting somewhere cold. But no, you have to demand a podcast every fucking Friday, don't you? 33 degrees it is. Probably more in this room. So two of the, three of these drinks that came in pairs came from Jen in Wolverhampton. Let me just read this out very quickly.

Oi, you grotty pair, hope you're doing well. Long time listener, first time PO box sender inner. Hello. Jen from Wolverhampton. Hello Jen from Wolverhampton. Thank you for reading my email out on your 10th birthday episode and thank you for all the laughs as promised. Here are the sodis I said I'd send in. Sweet. I enclose a liquid curio that might well be up. Juicy Jeremy's alley, the Masala Jira, Spice Koomin in in sparkling liquid form. Yeah, that's that one. Yes, that's going to be similar to some other.

We'd a lot of one of mine is from that part of the world. Yeah. Yeah. What was that about enclosing a special liquid? It's only four minutes. Fine. I've got a little interjection then that what's going to give the runtime. What did she say? Masala Jira.

No, before that. Uh, I'd promised there were some sodis I'd said I'd send in. Yeah, and then what about a liquid what? Dude, I've not read that whole fucking sentence. No, I want that sentence about liquid please. I enclose a liquid curio that might well be of juice. Ah! A liquid curio, Paul.

Yeah. I enclose a liquid curio in my pants. Look down there! There's a liquid curio! Right, you just go have fun over there. I think I'm going to go have fun over there. I've been close to liquid curio in a fucking poultice! That's what I've done mate!

Can I carry on with the episode now while you just fucking have a stupid little prickie moment? Come on, liquid curio! That was put there my gents, it stopped me off! And it fucking has! It's revved me up right? Okay, next it's an Indian drink instead of refreshing digestive aid I kindly request the attention of Jeremy's beautiful boys to test out on the pod. Please and thank you

It's an acquired taste yet. I can't possibly expect you to craft a segment with a single drink No, we're basing a whole fucking episode on it Knowing you've already tried thumbs up and Lim Limca, my verdict yum yum, and many others from Asia, I enclose a pair of other lip-moistening delights. Apiphys, again a product of India, and Aska pomegranate, which seems to be from Vietnam. Personally, I've tried all three. I would try the Jira first, get it out the way. I hope you manage to eat some fleeting enjoyment from getting your hands on my box. Oh dear. Thank you very much. Dirty Jen.

That liquid enclosed packet of whatever. You don't want Eli's liquid curial over your box love. Oh. The only thing left me to do is thank you for all the years of incredible, unhinged entertainment and unbesmirched by ad reads too, a real rarity. Oh that's because we're right on. Yeah, we're right on. We will never take an ad read.

And they would not for anyway. May the tat god smile on you for years to come. Cheers, Jen. Cheers, Jen, you dirty hour bag. Right, let's start with that. We are the Anti-Capitalist Economy podcast. Right, here's the drink then. Masala Jira. This is cool.

Kashmira. What are the ingredients in this? Carbonated water. You're gonna start rhyming there. Sugar, ironized salt. Ironized salt? I didn't think that was right that was my fault acid permanent class to sodium carbonate I think to pull

permanent permitted food coloring spices natural and incidental substances Substances of cumin is what it does! Incidental substances are on this. That's what I've got downstairs. I've got a fucking liquid curio. Incidental substances. I've got incidental substances. I've got functional liquids. Drink number one. We've only got the ice that's melting. This'll be spicy.

We tried something similar, didn't we? Oh no. Was it too cinnamony on the nose? It smells like coke with cinnamonyn. No, with cuminin. It's very cumin forward. Uh... I'm standing back here. Alright, so it looks like coke. It's got that coke kind of brown hue, but it is.

Oh, there's too much cumin on the nose. There's so much cumin on the nose. I don't know. As the bishop said to the choir boy. I was watching a video the other day and someone was talking about cumin. That's funny innit. A cumin in a drink. Not really. Um, it's kind of distasteful. I didn't hear you so you're doing that mumbly thing. Yeah. Just for the listeners as if you're like doing it in a side. I listen back to it when I edit and I laugh at me being witty. Can I say something about cumin? I make jokes in your margins that's what I do. Can I say something about cumin please? Yes. I was watching a video about drinks and... I'm cumin up there I want the world to know I'm gonna spice some snow.

That'll do. Is that it? Have I distracted you enough? I'm doing lines. Right, I'm gonna drink this. Go on. And they said that they had a problem with cumin because if it's with other flavors, it's a big bully. It dominates everything, doesn't it? The flavor of cumin, it's really strong. It's overpowering. It's certainly overpowering in this instance as well. It's stronger than anise or any of those other strong ones.

Or your nephew. Any of them. It's a pun episode today. I'm getting too much cumin and it's too savory for me. It's not. Yeah. But here's the thing. Often sometimes that are super smelly are often not very flavorful. We've had that before.

It's like, oh, that's really strawberry. And you go, oh, right, I'm going to go and have a drink. Here we go. No, I do not like that. That's almost weirdly salty. It's really sweet. And it's got this kind of salt water kind of thing. And has a salt water vibe.

Like a bit like, yeah. I'm gonna down it though, because I'm a man. You're gonna down it. That is fucking really awful. It's the mouth feel, the saltiness, isn't it? It feels like it's... I know what you mean, the mouth feel. And I don't like the cumin.

You know what, I'll say this for it. The aftertaste is more cola than anything else. So at least it doesn't sit badly in the mouth at the end, but that fucking upfront, it's a salt. It's got a clean finish, yeah. But upfront, it's really weirdly salty. It's like salt water. I mean, it's salty, yeah.

And it's a real mouthfeel, the salt. It's like when you get water in your mouth at the sea. I hate it when you're cumin and it's salty, yeah. And it's a real mouthfeel the salt. It's like when you get water in your mouth at the sea. I hate it when you cum in and it's salty. You know what I'm getting at don't you? Chodney loads. Big old glubby chodney loads. Big old hot ejaculate. I didn't hate that. But I just think cumin, you know what I like cumin on? Someone's tits! Yes, someone's tits for sure.

Yeah, you set that up, but I could not. I like it on a lovely sort of barbecued lamb, barbecued lamb or even barbecued beef or lamb. Yeah. You know, with a nice rub, a cumin rub. Rub it into the tits after you've come. Come on someone's tits, rub it in. There we go. Right, rub it right in.

Right, so. Even though you don't do that, that's not real life, after you've come, you know what I mean, not gonna rub it in. Who are you rubbing it in for? I once rubbed it into a lady's breast because she asked me to after I did a big bit. Yeah, but they had to ask you.

No, you're not gonna think, ah, you think I'm going to fucking sleep. I call it the karate kid, don't I? Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off. I'm doing the hand gestures like in the film, wax on, wax off. At least he stopped manipulating his belly. You know what she was like, just put rub it all over my nice ample breast, she said, in not so many ways.

In a very suggestive and disturbing way. And I was happy to do so. I mean, I'm doing exactly what he did now. She kind of whipped my condom off of some kind of force I was just like just like there there there. She said there there there fire there Yes, so he did not she did you went there there there there. She was pointing at it. It's She's how long we got man. I need a response about that fucking. This is we are we off the rails. We are 50 more minutes I need a response about that fucking... This is coming off the rails, mate! We have 50 more minutes.

This isn't gonna go well. Well, we know, we worked it out. Every drink has to be at least 10 minutes. I'm sorry you have to look at my tits while we do this. We've done 10 minutes on that first drink. Good times, let's get through this. Out of 10, no, out of 5. Our 5-point system, which we're allowed to break down into fractions. Fractional points, yes.

Not for me, Paul, because of the cumin effect. Okay. But, like you said, at the end, it kind of comes together, and it doesn't have a really horrible... No. That savoury note is gone by the end. Gone. It's like cola at the end.

So I didn't hate it, I'm trying to think... I'm going to go 2.5. Fine, 2.5. Not for me, but they do like to drink that kind of thing in that part of the world. Yeah, I mean, it's an acquired taste, but I'm gonna go for 1.75 as it is not an acquired taste for me. Now, question for you. Yes.

A procedural question. Are we gonna stick with Jen's three drinks all in a row before we go to the others? Right, do you wanna mix it up back and forth? It's gonna be a bit boring. No, let's mix it up. Let's mix it up. Let's get this one out of the way, because I think this is gonna be awful. I saw this in a...

Yeah, what's this? This is yours. I saw it in a corner shop, at the corner shop. And it is a tangy lime and rich pomegranate flavoured soft drink. It is branded with Stranger Things logos. And it's called the Mind Player, no, the Mind Flayer mix. And there's those of art from the TV show. I don't hate the art. No, it's alright, innit? It's nicely illustrated. You've got a van, the van there, and the wanted poster, the missing poster. Monster innit? Oh, that's quite nicely done.

It's alright for what it is, but it's just muck with the IP on the tin. It's basically the Stranger Things 21st Century equivalent of Ecto-1 or whatever. What's it called? Ecto-Koola. Except Ecto-Koola was nice. Talking to the mic, please. I wasn't on the mic when I was not. You weren't on it? Yeah, but I wasn't talking. So say Ecto- or whatever the ecto pipe what's it called ecto cooler except ecto cooler was nice i wasn't on the mic when i was you weren't on it yeah but i wasn't so say ecto cooler again cooler do you know what i'm getting at with that ecto cooler a big thing was the color wasn't it because it was slime colored the same they managed to get that shade basically they managed to get

that shade of green now what's the color in stranger things red for the is there red goop in stranger things i think it's usually black and red, it's that kind of... So... ...vaporwavey 80s kind of thing, innit? Are we expecting a sort of laser red, neon red colour for this? Because it says pomegranate and I think pomegranate allows them to go red. Now, I'm not saying it won't be black. We'd have... It might be a black drink. It's just colour at the end of the day, innit?

Can I spark this? Is that okay? You're allowed to pop the lid we can't also oh I'm getting a piney Mountain Dew is what it smells like oh really? there's no pomegranate what is the pomegranate?

no pomegranate at all it smells exactly like Mountain Dew Mr Silverman what is the flavour profile of a Mountain Dew drink? it's very close to Coca Cola is it? it's slightly more citrus, more orangey. I thought it was just a green orange drink. A bit like Coca-Cola. No, it is more orangey than Coke.

What is the Mountain Dew flavour profile? He says to his phone. Nice. So I'll pour you some of this. Yeah. The thing is we put the cumin filth in here. It's a blend of lemon lime and an intense citrus flavour. That That's what it says. It's orange on the on the floor I don't know why they never admit that that's what their own website says. It's like vinto and fucking vanilla

Yeah, it's definitely a vanilla note But is it more like is it more appealing to Fanta people or is it more appealing to sprite people, you know? Mountain Dew. Yeah. See from my experience. Yeah Um, my mate adam is a is a massive coke lover like original coke no you shouldn't really out him on that on a podcast original coke lover like yourself and he loves Mountain Dew he gets into Mountain Dew so I think it does a similar thing my mum loves Mountain Dew I can't stand it does she also like Coca-Cola yes do you know I think there's a real correlation thing yeah I do anyway pour it I gonna say, our cups are full of mucky fucking cumin.

We need to- No, I've got all the glasses, haven't I? Where's the one I just had? Oh, you fucking- Right here. Yeah, that was my one. I was gonna pour some for you. Here, he's gonna pour it in.

What's the color? What's the color? Oh, I wasn't expecting that. It's completely transparent. It's just transparent like Sprite. And give it a sniff. Tell me that doesn't smell like Mountain G. No, it does.

But then, to be fair, now, as I've said out loud it also smells exactly like Sprite. Sprite, yeah. Exactly like Sprite. One of the weakest soft drinks in existence. Very sugary. Sugary lemony drink and I've never been in one. Are you getting any pomegranate now? Any bitter sort of?

No, maybe it's a flavour thing of which I'm going to find out right now. No that's just flavourless shit. Ah that's terrible. There's no pomegranate there. It's lime and sweeteners. That's what it tastes like to me. That's cheap. There is no pomegranate and it has that empty aspartame taste as well. Really forward, the fake sugar taste. Is there nothing going on with that? It's not even sugar free though. No. So what's the point of making it taste like a sugar free drink? Save money. It's disgusting. That is fucking really a lot worse than it should be. Netflix made this. No they don't give a fuck. I mean it's got Netflix on the back. Yeah so Netflix basically got signed off on it. Yeah very cheap. There's a legal department who went yeah yeah yeah you can use the branding rubber stamp job done. Any money spent was definitely spent on the artwork for the can. Yeah, very cheap. There's a legal department who went, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can use the branding, rubber stamp, job done. Any money spent was definitely spent

on the artwork for the can. Yeah. That is a very disappointingly bland, flavorless drink. I'd say disgusting, misleading, horrible empty sugar, nasty, and a very one note sort of Persil, you know, lemon fresh, soapy lemonyness. Also, you know lemon fresh. Soapy lemoniness

So I can't imagine this probably tastes exactly like sprite zero or something. Yeah. Oh What a lie No, the TV show wasn't good after the first season. I checked out not point five out of five for me The welding loaders say one. I mean fuck it. Fuck it Fuck it. Right. I mean, you don't want to spit it out. You can get it down. It's not like repulsive. It's disappointing. I'm not angry.

I'm disappointed. Boring. Boring. It's boring. Boring. Boring things. Stranger things. No. Boring things. Let's return to India. Yes. Oh, what do you want to do? Should we do their pomegranate one next? No, let's return to India for my first of my offerings.

Oh, your one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. Yeah. What have you got then? Now, do you remember the big cola brand that Coke used to own and then sold and then got back? Thumbs up. Yeah, this is a thumbs up. Charged. What does that mean? What does that infer? Taurine, I'd say. High caffeine and Taurine. It's an energy drink.

And when they say charged. It's an energy drink. And when they say charge... Is it saying it as an energy drink? Does it say energy drink? Or is it just... It says caffeine vitamins. B3. Oh yes. It's kind of saying it without saying it, isn't it?

Yeah. So maybe not taurine, but they've gone for the high caffeine. But there's enough signifiers on there art-wise to make you go, oh yeah, that's energy, charge. It's got like red lightning behind and a big red lightning bolt behind the thumbs up logo. Oh did I tell you got a board game the other day from a charity shop? Ghosted. Oh it's ghosted it's called. Game of Boo-darn-it. How much is it? Fiver? His pants fell down again everyone.

It's really like being in a home with an elderly sort of granddad who's forgotten where he is. And he doesn't... Paul, it's not, you know... I've also got a few pin badges. It is, it's weirdly... Rupit the Bear. Yes.

Old Speckled Hen. Oh, there's another one I can't find. Anyway, the Rupit the Bear one's the best. I was at the British Library. I just wanted to break up the drink stuff a little bit. But basically... I was at the British Library I just wanted to break up the drink stuff a little bit but I was in the British Library and I got a mad hat as tea party oh nice like a hat no it was a cup of tea oh nice and it's all like embossed metal yeah like metal like 3d one you know yeah like those was only

350 nice I maybe pop in there for a few pin badges. Yeah no it's good it's a good one it's got purple like you know from the famous illustrations for Alice in Wonderland I don't know who did those. Yeah but those very particular. They're the good ones. So I've opened ghosted. It's basically a version of Cluedo it's very similar except the difference is is that everyone has a different murder, motive, location card and you have to guess who killed you, because you're meant to be the dead person before the other players figure out who killed them and you do it on the camera.

Oh, everyone's a ghost. Yeah, everyone's a ghost and they're trying to figure out who killed them and the answers are staring at everyone else but hidden from you. I see. So it's kind of like, oh, did this man kill me? No, we didn't. It looks fun. Should we play it?

We could play it on a video or something. Oh, play it on a video. Anyway, that's that. Now back to the dreams. We're not good enough for your separate board game channel. You're doing with Super Ashen. League of Extraordinary Board Games with Stuart Ashen and Ollie Harper. It's not good for that. It's good for Eli. Chuck it to Eli. He'll hate it. Everyone hates it when he hates things.

I hate this. Yeah, that's why I set it up, because everyone's getting tired of you hating my board games. I'm feeling this 33 degree. You are milk, you are milking. Yeah, you are. I set it up. Because everyone was getting tired of me eating my board games. I'm feeling this 33 degree. You are milk, you are milking. Yeah, you are. Sweat-titting. Car-core. Car-cocked drinks.

Anyway, I thought I'd break it up because this was getting dreary, this thumbs up. Well, now we're on the thumbs up. So thumbs up is a big cola brand in India, but I think it's owned by... It's owned by Coke now. Anyway. Because Coke didn't like that that was selling more than Coke. And they were like, we'll just buy it then. in India but I think it's owned by... It's owned by Coke now. Coke now anyway. Because Coke didn't like that that was selling more than Coke and they were like, we'll just buy it then. We've tasted it on the show before and it had a but it had a strange saltiness as well. I think all soft drinks from that part of

the world have that kind of salinity. Doesn't it have a bit of cumin to it too? It does and it has a bit of cumin but not like that. Not like... That's the main flavor of that. That's the cumin and cola. That's the chutney owl gets involved, doesn't it? The chutney owl gets right in there, dropping his Cumin to it too! His cumin, does it have cumin to it too? His cumin droplets go all a-fritter-fritter.

Cumin pellets. His little cumin pellets, all a-fritter-fritter on the wind. Hoo hoo hoo! Eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, those pellets, yeah. Cumin pellet. Excuse me. Right, open the drink and board now. Do you think it will have the salinity as well? Put some ice in it. We're done 20 minutes.

We're two thirds, or one third of the way through. Put some ice in a glass for me please, just scoop it out. I trust you. Just because I don't want to be watery. Yeah, that's cool for me. Yeah. All right. Put the be watery. Yeah, that's cool for me. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

But you've got some backup. We're gonna need some backup ice. We'll save that for these ones at the end. It really is going. Right, so thumbs up. What's it doing? It's giving me bubble gum. Did you mention it was a red-coloured see-through drink?

I did not. That's also... Transparent red drink. There's a big brand out there, Scorpion, I think we've tried. This looks to be a Vietnamese. I don't know, it could be Thai, but there's writing on it. It says Thai Che To. I think it might be Thai.

Oh, come on. Time's a ticking. That was you bipping, which again, I have to bring it to attention. Turn your phone off, join recording. Open your glass up. Because nothing's more important than making cheap show. Can you hold your glass up, please? All right, here we go.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. There, and I want a nose report first, please. Strawberry? Ah, that's it. It's an artificial strawberry. Well identified. Yeah, it's an artificial strawberry, almost like a Jolly Rancher kind of strawberry. Yeah, not unpleasant.

No. Not at all. Compared to the smell of the Stranger a jolly rancher kind of strawberry. Yeah, not unpleasant. No, not at all. Compared to the smell of the Stranger Things one, which was kind of... It hasn't really got a flavour profile. It doesn't like say berry energy or anything. It doesn't say anything on it. Just red drink. Yeah. Well, maybe it does because it's in a different language. I don't understand. It probably says strawberry, doesn't it? It might say strawberry.

Right, I'm going to take a sip of this lovely red drink. I'm glad we tried to do drinks today, because imagine if we did chocolates today. Oh dear. Oh, that's very sweet, but quite nice. Just very sweet. It's almost syrupy. Oh, that's very sweet. Still just about refreshing.

Definitely needs the ice. It needs the cooling, yeah. But it's all right. Just a tiny bit too sweet for me. That's it really. Doesn't have any of that saltiness or premium notes or anything. No salty notes. It's just a very, very sweet strawberry soda, I'd say. That's all right. Tastes almost exactly like a melted strawberry Johnny Rancher, doesn't it?

Yeah, melted Johnny Rancher. Jolly Rancher doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Melted Johnny Rancher. Jolly Rancher. I spilled a bit right on my penis. A little blob of it. Okay Daddy, go back in the room now please. Where's me dinner? Where's me dinner? Come on, where's me dinner? I've shat me pants and no one's cleaned me for days.

Where's me dinner? Just go back in the room please Grandad. No-one knows where Grandad is no more. Please go back in the room. Please. Why has no-one cleaned my shitty pants? I can't live like this. I bang on wall every night.

No-one comes. No-one comes for Grandad. Oh that's me new character. Sad Grandad. Oh, oh I had porridge the other day and glassing. I think they tried to kill me. You did have porridge the other day didn't you in Brighton? I think they tried to kill me. I think they tried to kill me. They won't clean me shitty knickers and they won't give me porridge without glassing. Granddad, do

you remember your first name? Yeah, what's your first name? Boris It's very Boris what's wrong with Boris good name for kitty Middle names Yeltsin Anyway Anyway, where do I go? Jesus Christ go back in your bedroom? Anyway, where do I go? Jesus Christ, go back in your bedroom! It's too hot for granddad in there. No it's not, get under the covers and Mr. Mr. Nursey will be along to wipe bot bot!

Mr. Nursey does dark things. Oh God! Turns the lights out so I can't read me book. I'm going to have to fire Mr. Nursey. Hello, I'm Mr. Nursey. What's wrong with the way I look after him? He's a mean man. He snuffs me candle out when I try to read me stories.

Mr. Nursey, we're having a private consultation but if you could get the bum wiping kit already. Oh, I don't do bum wipes, dear. No, not at all, darling. Well, you have to. It's in the contract. No, you read the contract, darling, and you'll see that I do not do bum wipes. I did read the contract. I wrote the contract. Well, then why did you not do bum wipes? Mr. Nursey, if that is your name. I crossed that out because I said I wouldn't do it wipes. I did read the contract, I wrote the contract. Well then why did you not write bum wipes? Mr. Nursey, if that is your name.

I crossed that out because I said I wouldn't do it. You're abusing this poor old man. I need someone to wipe my bum hole. It's clogged up with scat. Mr. Nursey! I insist you deal with grandpa poo poo pants. Well I'm going to have to contract this out to someone else. I'm going to have to get the scat scratcher in. A-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta remember grandpa he plays the piano does the songs he does other scat-based

songs go on dance grandpa hey I like it when you danced for me said Margaret to the queen me can I just bring Paul back we used to do it in the street on the Tuesday waiting till the King came by And the King said hello and I don't know where to go Cos it's rationing and everybody will die Hey, the old war songs, they're the best way, they're the best ways we did it Now we need a mark out of five Oh, that's a shame

Mr. Nursi, call the morgue. No, that wasn't me. That was Mr. Nursi's death. Oh God, Mr. Nursi's dead. He's only 30, this is tragic. Now I want everyone to meet here in 10 minutes. We're going to go through everyone's alibis for the death of Mr. Nursi. 26 minutes, we're done, we can carry on now. Oh, you dictate! Just as I'm about to go Agatha Christie on it!

Yeah. I was going to be Inspector Pooh Pooh! I have a beard! Inspector Pooh Pooh! Oh no! I have one thing to ask! Oh no, this Mr. Nursey! Oh no him!

I'm going to investigate! Now I must talk to this Grandpa Pooh grandpa poo poo has the same name as me Grandpa poo poo. All right your next drink come on fucking hell. I'm not allowed to join in anymore. I was enjoying that Mr.. Nurse he got killed I'm inspect the poo poo no crime. It was in the poor top see it was said that he just had a bad heart Why you're talking been out already has it poor? Yeah, you're a cunt. Yeah, you know it what is what we fucking drinking now What do you want to drink now? She go back mark for the strawberry thumbs up? Three giving me a little caffeine bars. I think three doesn't give me a little

It's fine, it's just a fine flavor strawberry kind of melted sweet a little bit sweet. Yeah, I'd. It's fine. It's just, I say, fine flavour, strawberry kind of melted sweet, a little bit too sweet. Yeah, I'd go for a three. It is, it's so sweet it makes you feel like the diabetes coming on, you know? It makes you feel like... It's a bit middle of the road. But Coke, like a can of Coke, is that sweet. It just has that acidic thing that cuts through it. Yeah, which is necessary, which this doesn't have. Right, we're going to move on to Jen's other drink. This is the asca pomegranate

HFC juice. I don't know what HFC stands for. I can't read without the glasses It's going to be a glasses kind of on-and-off day Not from concentrate squeeze from real fruit Yeah, so I'm hoping NFC is I'm hoping some proper pomegranate flavor on this one, Paul. I'm gonna get some more ice going. Oh, yeah, there's some in the little cup. So just oh, you can do that. I guess. Yeah. Have a little bit. Oh, there's almost no smell with this. No, I think it might just be flat. Yeah, color. Yeah, there's no fizz there. Looks like it's

just a nice colour. It's more orangey than our thumbs up charged. Oh yeah well it's much more kind of watermellowy red kind of colour innit. Oh there's no odour. Isn't there? It's weird. Well it's not effervescent so a lot of the effervescence does the work on bringing the schnuff up to your snuffles. Bubbles go out the snuffles. It funnels the snuffle up with the sniffle. It certainly does. Right I'm going to your schnuffles. Yeah. Bubbles go out the schnuffles. It funnels the schnuffle off of the schniffle. It certainly does. All right. I'm going to pour some of this out. Yeah, you can't even smell that in the glass.

So I'm just going to go straight in. No, it's quite viscous. It's going to... Underwhelmingly flavorless. There's definitely a pomegranate there, but it's so kind of thin. Oh, that's terrible. It's like really thin. Really thin. There's none of pomegranate there, but it's so kind of thin. Oh, that's terrible. It's like really thin. Really thin.

There's none of that bitterness you want. That sharp bitterness, you know, with the pomegranate. It just feels like watered down pomegranate juice. That is one of the worst drinks we've had so far. I mean, no, I would say this is at least better. I would say it's better than the Stranger Things, honestly. That is really poor. Because that's like, that's ugly. And this is just boring.

Yeah, that's why I would be on boring. This isn't even it's not even sweet. Really? You know what I mean? It's just flat. There's nothing. It's kind of watery. Yeah, water. Just I've just because I've been having this is it because of the

contrast with the thumbs up, which was super syrupy. I just think it's kind of thin. I think that's it. That's bullshit. We did not like that. That seems like a cash-in. You know, like a really boring... Very boring.

I mean, to be fair, again, it might be a palate thing, but for me, there's not much there to kind of really enjoy. Nothing there. It's not refreshing. It's cardboard-y. I drank a big mouthful just then to finish it off and it was like a stale note right the end yeah but that's all there is there's some mild sweetness and it's the kind of sweetness that you if you imagine like apple juice concentrate what would write down yeah

you know to it's to it's not sweet enough sort of is that yeah god that sucks it's a terrible drink his pants are down look at his spotty thighs now poor please mooning me I don't know why I put I put up with this. You're my bitch. Fuck's sake. Oh dearie me. Okay, before we move on to your... You got anything else? Well we have these two drinks, don't we? Then we have your one, and then we got the final one from Jen.

Then we got the boozeys. Then we got the boozey to end on. Look, I want to try one of these, because I went to B&M the other day in Watford, and I saw these drinks. They are I guess they're just like, you know, like Oasis, they're flat juice drinks. And they are both Skittles branded. One just says original Skittles and then the other one says tropical Skittles. So while I can have a good guess of what this might mean, the tropical, I don't

know what original Skittles is going to suggest to flavor-wise because original skittles are multi-flavored. It'd be like Fruit Loops, just a sort of incredibly bland generic... But what is, if you said to someone, oh what is the skittles flavor? They're all different flavors, that was the whole selling point wasn't it? What does it say on the back? It says original skittles mixed fruit flavored drink with sugars and sweetness, vile, um and then this one says tropical drink with sugar and sweeteners. So probably pineapple-y kind of shit. You know, that tropical, like Rio. Mango.

Mango, pineapple, banana. But here's the shocking thing. Banana is often not included, is it? It depends, doesn't it? It's mango, pineapple. That's the real... And coconut sometimes. There's a coconut note in those tropical juices. But I don't know about that. Because this one's's red the original and i i bought like a few drinks

like i think the strangest oh no that was dirt cheap that was like a quid yeah and then a few other cheap drinks that was terrible that's stranger things these original skittles drinks were two pound fifty each and i was almost not going to buy them. What? In B&M? Yeah. What? This to me says 90p. It's just because they're new or whatever. There's just these micro trends that keep happening, you know. And I was in Finchley Road, you know. It's sort of one of those shops that get all the imported soft drinks.

So I'm constantly on the lookout for Coca Cola orange creme. Which I'm telling you, Coke, you need to bring over here, not just to a limited edition in Premiers. I'm talking about a nationwide release. You're going to get fucked up unless you deal with Eli's demands. We are the premium UK soft drink tasting podcast of all time. Eli has shown me his blueprints for bombing a Coca-Cola factory. Hang on. And he's gone into great detail.

He knows exactly where to place the explosives and how to cause the most structural damage to life itself. I'm not threatening any kind of attack directly on them. I mean of course you're not going to say that out loud. Why would you? It's a podcast that thousands of people listen to. All I'm saying is that you have made plans. Now, Paul, there's that shop and I looked in there and there was some guy,

because you know there's a coach station essentially just on the side of Finchley Road there. All those coaches go up to Oxford and the airport from there. You all stop off there, don't you? So it's terrible really because the whole pavement is just packed with people. There was a band, like a metal goth band, and... With everything, like all their equipment. They were all standing by the subway down there. But I went into the shop to buy, I did buy the thumbs up in there, because I just looked

for something new, and that was the only thing we hadn't done before. And there was this guy from the band in the shop, and he was buying like a little keyring toy, and the guy had a whole box out, and was like like do you want to just buy it all as a mystery box and it was like he was definitely buying it because he was going to sell it on ebay or such you know what i mean it had that vibe of like you don't know what you've got here mate and if i buy them off yeah yeah totally straight to ebay yeah and they're just yeah well you know isn't it funny that's what's happened if you're listening to us goth rock band get us involved get us involved we can help you make some deals here because I'm local. I can listen Just fucking send us stuff. How many times have we fucking gargled your nuts?

Listen with your fucking cup noodles. We got those drinks We've had our fans bend over backwards like physically and financially to send us this stuff And then you release this deal pickle one and you think we're not gonna notice I don't it's constructive though if you keep sending them those threats to bomb their factory I have made blueprints to your missing factories to go over there and bomb their factory explicitly showed me the blueprints of the private blueprints and where you'd put the bombs in their big noodle machines No, no, no, I'm not doing that now. No, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put that poison into their drinks, aren't I?

So it ends up killing loads of people who try it from shops and things. Yeah, I don't think you should say that aloud, but. I've made this serum, I just inject it into the factory, you know, line it and it dissipates into the thing. And it's, even in small doses, it's fucking lethal. They call it the ice creamer, because it makes you wanna tear your eyes out. Anyway, look, anyway, I'm not doing that.

Anyway, let's drink these original skittle drinks right here's the first one original I'm going to give it a huff and see if that's enough the point I wanted to make is it's like the internet has come into the real shops like the internet influencing the real the way real shops are yeah it's like these sort of um TikTok trend drinks and that's what this is like fidget toys another great example of that yeah And that's what this is like. Fidget toys is another great example of that. So this smells like buttery, sherbety, sweet garbage. This is the original we've started with, yeah?

This smells like something your nan would have in the back of her cupboard and then you drink it, you'd not like drinking it. Why did your nan have weird drinks in the back of her cupboard? My nan used to buy drinks from like the cash-in-carries and things which were no-brand versions of Coke or whatever. And so she'd go, oh do you want a lemonade? You'd say yeah, and then you'd go, oh no, she's gonna get like a Panda Pop sort of thing. Yeah, sub Panda Pop shit. Sniff that. That's what this reminds you of. This is still... You see what I mean? There's a poo note. There's a poo note, but there's also this weird buttery note to it. Do you know what I mean? Like a kind of croissant

kind of... I know what you mean about your nan because there's a... What do you mean about my nan? What are you fucking saying about her? There's a sort of wood varnish. Like it's been in the cupboard for far too long. Yeah, plasticine. God, that really, I didn't think it could get much worse than the Stranger Things. This is turning out to be... This is definitely worse. Yeah. £2.50. £2.50 each for these things. It has a poo note. It has a sort of acrid, there's an acrid note, you know what I mean? And a mustiness almost. Like a Play-Doh. There's a real Play-Doh vibe. But worse than Play-Doh. It smells like stale plasticine. Like a cupboard in a room that had the plasticine in for years and like bits of tape and scissors and stuff.

You can't get the smell out. You know what I mean? Why does it smell like that? Well, maybe it will taste better. Also, we need a mark for the pomegranate. Half a point. I'll say one for that. I'll be more generous. Again, I liked it more than Stranger Things, which is just...

Right, I'm having this drink. God. That is fucking horrible. Oh my God. Although it does kind of taste like Skittles, but in a godless way. Like in a kind of look crafty and undescribable, ungodly way. Very sweet, very plasticky. Plasticky, yeah. Like you've sucked on a, like, you know those strawberry shortcake toys from the 80s where every little plastic figure smelt of something?

Yeah. It's got that vibe, like you've sucked on it like a plastic strawberry shortcake toy. Yeah, really plasticky finish. Ah, wow. It's very sweet. Yeah, but... I'm not sure, it's not the smell, Ah, wow. It's very sweet. Yeah, but... I'm not sure, it's not the smell, the smell portended worse than what I got on my mouth. But it's also got a gritty element to it, like a kind of sandy note to the liquid. It's very poor. Very, very bad. Shall we do the other one? Let's make it, let's, no, let's have a...

You want to save the blue? Well, what we've got now, we've only got, okay, we've got Appy Fizz, we've got your drink. Should we go straight into the skittles? Okay let's get out of the way. Right, Tropical Skittles, second verse, same as the first, but blue. We can compare, you know, yeah, yeah actually. It's popping the thing, what's the naff niff naff? Not as bad. It smells less playdoughy, but it's got that blue-raz note. It's very much a blue-raz coloured. It could, you know what I mean, if it said blue-raz skittles instead of tropical, I'd believe it from the colour, wouldn't you? But

it's still got that kind of playdoughy. Oh, it's definitely, the smell's definitely better. But it's got that artificial, it smells like Quro or umbongo or something. Well so like knockoff Panda Pops version. Yeah yeah yeah but it hasn't got that acrid poo no that the other one that did on the nose I mean no one likes acrid poo on the nose mate. Right I'm gonna take this up. Let's see where the mouth delivers. How many having a small bit? Oh, God. It sounds like you hate that worse than the original. No, no.

It's, again, it's like, it's awful in a very different way. In a very kind of chalky, I don't know, like sherpety chalky thing. Yeah. It's not refreshing. Neither of these are refreshing. They're too syrupy. I don't know, like sherbet-y chalky thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's not refreshing. Neither of these are refreshing. They're too syrupy. Oasis is a nice refreshing fruit drink.

And Oasis goes on year after year all over this great country of ours, Paul. Still does it. No advertising. No. Since fucking the early 90s. It's 98 at the latest, right? Weird. What is Oasis?

No one knows. How does it exist? What is going on? I don't buy Coke I think. How does Oasis live forever? That's what I don't understand. I think it's like it's part of Coke's roster so to speak so they don't care. I guess you've got to roll with it haven't you, eventually. Yeah. You've got to take your time. Yeah.

Just saying that's what I would do if I was the Oasis brand you know I just roll with it. Yeah right. I'd put like a champagne bit next to a supernova. Yeah. In the sky maybe. Yeah. Maybe that no, it doesn't work. Does it? I hate them. I hate their ads. I hate them. And I hate his fucking stupid face. I hate his moody fucking, no one should do politics. Agastin Bleu, just play your music and get fucked off. Did he say that? Yeah. It's like, you're not seeing the big CND fucking logo on the main stage, it's always had a political blend bent to it.

And like him going on to say, just play your fucking songs and get off, shows you exactly what he thinks. Yeah, he's been more right wing than fucking the owner, Michael Eves. It's not even about Bane Wright Ring, it's just this whole sense of like, oh fuck, I can't, I can't be arsed to engage in anything other than the facile and the surface and then call my, well I do a genius work. It's like it's like the Peter Cook syndrome. You peak too early too quickly and you've had nothing since.

Also because your fucking attitude you you could have made that you know you could have made it a way to listen to a like a Rolling Stones thing. No year after year you know cunts but they're too canty. They think too much of themselves. You can't take anything away from their first two albums at all. But, but after that, it is a dog's dinner of a fuck fest. You know what I mean? It's just like, oh, and it's one of the reasons why I think Blair and Oasis coming back, Blair and Pulp and stuff are coming back is that they felt

I get the impression they felt like now is the time they want to do something and they've got the impetus to put it together. Whereas O is like how much are we getting for this? Yeah they waited until High's bid came from Ticketmaster or whatever the cunt who gouged all their own fans. Fuck their mono brow eyes off. Yes right. That's the politics out of the way for this week's episode. That was only discouraging it but I'm in broad agreement with you. Rod Stewart also, didn't he? I wasn't 100% convinced that wasn't Rod Hull. I'm not sure, I'm pretty sure that was Rod Hull. Or the Pimlico Plumbers guy.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure it was just fucking Bobby Davro. Or the owner of Weatherspoons, you know that owner? Right, next drink. You brought this one in from the same shop. Now, Paul. I like the name of it. It's non-alcoholic drink. I got this at a shop which is very good over the years for fancy soft drinks. Where I first saw the mythical Coca-Cola signature range. Remember those? Oh yeah, I like them.

There was a spicy, there was a woody... They were basically mixers weren't they for cocktails? It was just those... it was brilliant. One of the best things Coke has ever done, bring those back. True dat. But that's this shop, I think it's called Dolston Superstore, that's the name of a club, it's called Dolston Convenience or something. It's right there, just up from Dolston Kingsland Overground.

Yeah? Come round here. And they often have amazing stuff in there. You've got some strange things in the past from there. You remember, you know the one I'm talking about. Oh yeah, I think we went there together once didn't we? It was our first date. I seem to remember you hold my hand, I held yours. Looked into each other's eyes and we bought a cola together. And then we got the bus home and then we sat down, we watched Party of Five for a bit didn't we? I don't even know what that is. And then we ate ice cream, we talked about boys for a bit. I don't know what that is. And then we had a sleepover where we... You went home and then you had a sleepover. What are you talking about? And that was this different night.

Right, so you're just conflating all these different nights in a jumbled mongrel of dirty wordy birds. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. That's exactly what I was doing. Now, can you see, I want, because you've got your sunglasses on, can you read this? Now I just want to announce the name of this drink. Yeah please do. Smoove Chapman. Smoove spelled S-M-O-O-V. Smoove Chapman. But you know what I also like, because of the way it's been designed it looks like the titles from an 80s sitcom. So weird. Do you know that weird chalky outline it's got where it's like the red and the green it's all it looks like graffiti

almost. Such a bizarre thing it's very red and almost slightly opaque. A quality product from the makers of Casera. I don't know what that is. Yeah, C-A-S-E-R-A. Can you see what part of the world maybe it originates from? Nigeria it says here and yeah the Kasseria Company PLC. We're into the African continent for this one. Smooth Chapman. Sugar, preservatives, blah blah blah. It reveals lime and lemon, blackcurrant, bitter orange. Orange are the flavours in here. It is a a red drink I was a quid it was a quid only nice I think we're gonna get some ice even we're at 45 minutes okay getting there yeah yeah in there all right I'm gonna get some ice because I don't want to I want to give this all right let's get

some ice please because I want to give smooth Chapman it's due I like the way that this name sort of personalises the drink. I'll have a smooth Chapman. I'll have a bumpy Derek. I'll have a... Hello, Doctor. Yes, sit down. So what's wrong?

I've got this itching and this chafing on my ball bag to the side. It's getting this kind of waxy scab. Yes, you've got a smooth Chapman. If you just put some of this egg ointment on it. Egg ointment? Egg ointment, yeah. Ah. It's called a...

Has it got a liquid compartment? It's called a dick knuckle fizz. Now. That's what I call my balls, my dick knuckles. Because it's like that, innit? I wanted you to get the first note of this Chapman. Dick knuckles. Yes.

Camels, dick knuckles, dusty man. He's a private detective. Dusty man, privy. Ooh. He's a private detective. Dusty man privy. Ooh. What's the smell? Spicy? No. Zesty?

It's not too dissimilar from that. The thumbs up charged. It's also a bit sherbert-y like the Skittles. Okay. It's also got a... He didn't recall indiscust on the nose. No, it's not... I don't know. There's a note there that I didn't recall indisgust on the nose. No, it's not... I don't know.

There's a note there that I can't put my finger on. I mean, see if you can guess it. But it has got that... A lot of these drinks today have those kind of surety. Oh, I like that. I like that. It smells better in the glass than it does in the bottle. I'll say that for it.

I like that. It's got that... Yes, what is that? I don't know. No, it's a kind of fresh... Almost... It's almost cumin, but it's a kind of fresh almost almost cumin but it's not it's almost piney right it's herby it's herbal in some respect maybe it's the bitter orange that's what it is that's what it is the

better orange smell yes yeah yeah good good work we're fucking good at this aren't we good yeah ten years that is that bitter orange you're absolutely right cheap is gonna ten years of good is going to be like a Campari soda, an African sort of Campari soda. Huh. It's nothing flavoured. Again. It's nothing flavoured. Weird. It smells much better. It does, but when you drink it, it could be water, it could be slightly sweet water. I like it better than that pomegranate stuff. I mean it's that level of weak, yes, but there's still more going on. There's something going on. A little bit. It's very lightly fladed flavored soda water. Just have a sip from the bottle. You'll get more of the effect

they're going through. I think the ice is melting so fast that it's diluting it. Yeah, yeah you're right there. It's a bit more kind of robust out the bottle. It's still quite weak but it's you can see. It's fine. It's fine I like that. I quite like it. I would give it a three. Right middle of the road again. Smooth Chapman I'm gonna go 3.25. I'm gonna edge you up there onto the... You're gonna edge my Smooth Chapman are ya? Lucky me. It's got the best name of all the drinks name of all the it has actually got the best name of it hello it could even be a good cocktail excuse me uh me my mate oh we'll have a smooth Chapman yeah yeah it's got a cocktail name rather than a soft drink name right right next drink what are we what we up to oh happy fears that's the last one as the last one from Jen

definitely but I've got we've got a little boozy bonus at the end. We both know we're going to like that. Yes, but why not enjoy things for us? OK. This is Appy Fizz, Parlay Agro, carbonated beverage, apple flavor. Ah, Appy Apple. Appy throat, yeah. And it's not like what you say to someone who's having a bit of a wobble meltdown.

Stop having an Appy. Crashing out is what they say the kids now. Do they? Yeah. It used to mean falling asleep, right? From Leicester. Crashing out used to mean falling asleep, but now it means having a rage out. No one rages out. They crash out now. Yeah, they crash out.

Yeah. Bash out, then crash out. It's what I call every single fucking night before bed. I crash out, then I bash out. It's part of the crash out is the bash out. What, you sleepwank? No, crash out as in the new way the kids are saying it But then you got angry outburst an uncontrolled angry outburst and then you wank Yeah, well, that's what gets people arrested if you just go into the street scream and bellow and then get your chugging out

I don't get the chugging out, I do it online What you get angry on? Out no doubt online you put your bollock knuckles up. I get my dusty knuckles and I go, fliffle fliffle fliffle, I need my Konads between the fingers. Ten minutes ago... Oh, is it cheesy sprinkles coming off? Yes, flaky cheesy sprinkles.

Is it a Muffity Grunge for Polly Ding Dong Hallie Who? Oh, get the Camel Fluffer on the Muffle. Let's just give up on words, shall we? Chonkity Hoff Moth, Biggly-bong-dong-ding-dong, happy-fizz-ka-chong-gof. This could be a new language like Klingon. We just invented a cheap show. A fonky-chong-ham-pof, hiddly-hag-hon-ching-a-ba, hiddly-day-dog.

Yeah, you know what? You're right, I might get away, because what I'll end up doing is offending someone in the world. Now, get me smellwoods on that. Ooh. Uh, well... Apple? Apple up front, vomit at the back.

Really? Okay, you know what you mean. A little bit of a vomit-y note. Okay, pour yourself some there. Oh, but it smells like apple in that way, like scrumpy apple, not like apple-tizer. I want, oh, sort of slightly... Like scrumpy cider-y kind of.

Slightly fermented. Yeah. Right. And it looks like cider almost. It's got that nice kind of pressed apple juice look. I wanted the Smooth Chapman to have more of that bitter Campari-ness. Yeah. That was on the nose there. But there was no bitter orange there for our friend. There was no bitter orange there. Yeah, I was getting a kind of very apple-tise on the nose. Yeah. With this, this Appieppy fizz it's bullshit appy fizz where's this

happy fizz the greatest gift that i possess right the effervescence is gone there's kumin in this remains there's kumin in this i reckon doesn't say so on the back it's okay it's very kind of orchard apple kind of, you know what I mean? It's like that. It's nice. I actually really like this one. I loved an apple tides. Do you remember when an apple tides used to be like a treat? An exotic drink. Like a wow, they have apple tides here. I used to think that about Orangina too.

And that Orangina was the same. Wake the bottle, shake the drink. It's weird how all these brands that had a sort of prestige for us as children suddenly become only available in B&M in like huge vats. Oh I'll have a vat of a Panda Pops Cola please. Just the one, I know it comes with two for one but I'll just have the one. This is fine, it has an apple drink, this is actually quite nice. I wonder if the Panda Pop brand does still exist.

No, I don't think it does. It does not? No, I think it's long gone now. Bobby's do soft drinks, don't they? That's the sort of gulp. We need to revisit Bobby's. It's been many a year since we saw Bobby's gifts. Lion King, which is the convenience store around the corner for me, sorry, the Lion

King, they've got a Bobby's contract going back years. Have they? Yeah, they always get all the Bobby's, the crisps at least. We need to do a report on Bobby's so we need to go back to the Bobby's. Bobby update? Yeah, back to Bobby's. Put it in your diary, 2025 we're going back to Bobby's. Back to Bobby's, back to back.

Right. Bobby's back to back, back to Bobby's. Back. We're done now, of all the drinks. I'm going to give that 4 out of 5, that was my favourite of the lot of them because it tasted what it wanted to taste like and it was nice. Happy Fizz makes you happy and fizzy. It does. Happy Fizz made me happy. Fizz? Nah, that doesn't work. But I enjoyed it. That's

the main thing. I would not say that was my favourite. I'm not asking you to say what my favourite is. I'm just gonna go... You tell me what your favourite is. Stop speaking in negatives. Give us a positive. Come on. Either burp or die. Come on, because it looks like you're going to do either.

God, your legs are spread and it's just so... It's very warm. I need to give the nuts the space to breathe. You know what you do to me when you do that. It's such a dirty come on. It's not a dirty come on. It is, it's a dirty come on. Because you know...

I'm crossing my legs. Just stop dressing like a slut, that's all I'm saying. You like these shorts, yeah? Anyway, let's just have a recap of what we did. What did we start with? We started with... The Kashmir... What's it called?

The Masala Jira, the cumin heavy drink. Not for me, too cumin-y. And then we went to thumbs up charged. I thought we did we do Stranger Things after that? Yeah, that's right. Stranger Things and then we did thumbs up up charged. I thought we did we do stranger things after that? Yeah, that's right. Stranger things. And then that was very poor. Thumbs up charged was OK, but too sweet and a bit very simple. Then where do we go to the skittles after that?

They were not good against syrupy. They were what I would call gash. That's really not going to catch on. Horrible. And also overpriced muck. And doesn't really translate any of the joy of having and also overpriced muck. And doesn't really translate any of the joy of having a skittle really to the... Then we had that pomegranate juice which is the weakest piss ever of all time. I quite like the smooth Chapman I have to say. But it was a little bit of a letdown, a

little bit of a letdown. Actually the Apple is good isn't it? And then Appy Fiesta, it is. It's the one that you want to go back to willingly. You know what I mean? I'm going to have to go with you on this, man. Yeah. I just wanted... None of them are stunners, but out of all of them,

that's the only one I can go, oh, I'll finish that. That's quite nice. It's really a disappointing result. However, I've saved a little bit of a boozy special ending, because you know you can get Jack Daniels and Coke in a tin Course you do course why it's helped me out on many a lonely night But I saw it today. I didn't know you could you got a cherry coke version a licensed Coca-Cola cherry Jack Daniels No, let's have a little bit of that to end. What do you remind? I think this is gonna be a winner

It's gonna have to be a winner. I can't go wrong the cherry note I've always said I prefer cherry coke with my JD or yeah Bourbons full stop the cherry and bourbon those flavors complement each other don't they basically and they are famous classic cocktails you use I can't remember which one it is, but there's a cherry liqueur Oh, there must be loads of them and of all of the mixed cocktails and a tin thing you can get, this is the most reliable in terms of it doesn't taste like shit and it gets you drunk. You can't really go wrong with it can you? It's like Jack Daniel's with Coke. But also when we buy for like the Christmas episodes or the whatever, when

I buy those cocktail tins at like 90p each, it's like they're the nasty pasty stuff. this is at least to some extent drinkable passable acceptable I think even that how to drink I had one of these ones it was like yeah that's fine what you expect yeah it's coke and Jack Daniels mix well fine yeah all those listeners out there who are into our more boozy episodes we We are definitely gonna do a, what they called? Ball, ball, blitz balls, but no. Soggy biscuit. No.

Oh yeah, the Buzz Bombs. Buzz Bomb Blitz. We're gonna do a Buzz Bomb Blitz. Yeah. And the man in the back said, everyone attack and we turn into a Buzz Bomb Blitz. Buzz Bomb Blitz. Bajab, bajab, bajab, bajab, bajab,

bom, bajab, bajab, bajab. Sweet. Where we're going to taste every available. They've got the Spicy Rita. They aren't cheap though are they? They've got a Spicy Rita. Oh, and a Smooth Chapman. No but... Spicy Chapman.

The cheapest I've seen them is £3.99. I think that's the going rate. Right, we are four minutes away from the end of this. Oh my god. Well, here's to you. Here's to you. Well, you know what? We've had quite a few run of episodes.

And I've enjoyed them all. I regret. Ooh, that's a nice smell on this. Nothing. Here we go. This is just... Cheers, mate. Cheers, mate. Happy birthday. We're continuing to celebrate our birthday. Yeah, fine. Almondy, that almondy cherry. Yeah, slightly. Mark Almondy. I don't know why I feel compelled to always do that when you just mention someone who's got a surname I can turn into a full name. You didn't even say the word almond.

You said Mark Almondy. I know. I mean, that's pretty good. I thought it was fine. Better than just John John Nettles or whatever. John John Nettles? I don't know. John John Nettles is reasonably funny.

Keesh Lorraine. Keesh Lorraine. Does she have a breakfast show where she talks to common people? Hello! I've got all the gags, I'm burning out. Keesh Lorraine Kelly. I think that manic energy we had at the start is now slowly burning off. Because you've been disappointed non-stop by all the drinks.

Well, let's just say goodbye then. Why? Well, here's what I want to say. People, oh yeah, I will say this before we go then, because we have got time. We've reached 250 pre-sales and they stopped the pre-sales at 250. Otherwise I'd have to order another 100 and I don't think we could justify paying for another 100. However, a few people have gotten in touch with me to say, can I still buy the album? The answer is yes, because they're going to make some that will be given to me for extras and then a surplus 20 that

they can sell online that I can buy off them and sell ourselves. So long story short, when the albums go out, there'll be leftovers and I'll be selling them and we'll mention them. Okay. Pardon me. At the time. Yeah, we'll mention when we've got them and then you can get in touch. If you got in touch with a mini disc, I'm still looking into that, but it won't happen until August now, once the album's out the way. So yes, a few of you can still, if you want, get a copy of

the vinyl album. But those first 250 who have managed to pre-order, they can definitely get one. Hopefully by August 22nd, you will have it in your hand. We're very windy. However, Diggers Factory did let me down by also giving everyone the direct download link to the album when I said not to until August 22nd.

So if you have listened to the album, I hope you've enjoyed it, but please skip. Is this all of the pre-orders? Yes. Everyone who pre-ordered it got an instant link to the download, even though I told them please don't until August 22nd. Oh, that's a bit deflationary, isn't it?

Yeah, because there were a few things in it that I wanted to keep a secret until we did episode 450. It could get leaked. Well, that's the other thing. So if you are, don't. Please keep it a secret. I had a suggestion, Paul. Kill anyone who admits it. Could we do like a stream, a listen-along stream when it comes out officially? Yeah, potentially. I'd like to do that. But

also remember some of that album is folded into episode 450. Okay. You know what I mean? Yes. Okay. Because of what we got planned for that. How long we got now? One minute and 30 seconds. Tell them about the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Cheapshow is the place you can go to if you want to help support us in any way financially you think is appropriate. So give what you can but only if you can. However, if you do, you have access to years now of extra podcasts, extra videos, night busing, PDFs of magazines, behind the scenes stuff, exclusive access to Cheap Shops before they come out on the old YouTube. All lots of stuff. Loads of stuff depending on the tier that you join us on. Top tier video episode. Yes, it's all happening at Patreon.com.

I've got belly ache from all those drinks. I got belly ache from all those drinks. That is literally what I just said. I've got belly ache. Well, I just literally said, isn't it? I've got nothing else to say, so I'm copying you. That happens a lot, Paul. More than you'd like to admit.

It does happen a lot. More than I would like to admit. You're right. We've got a sign off later. What a blanker you are! Well, I'm just... I should have gone with that horn thing. Horn in the desert. Oh, he's getting totally...

Oh no, don't get it out, please. I'm not looking. Can we do the countdown? Don't... He's putting his finger through his blood. You see, you still peek though. You can't be that report if you still peek through your fingers. No, because I'm secretly so into you. Blah, blah, blah. You see, you're still peaked though. You can't be that report if you're still peaked through your fingers. No, because I'm secretly so into you. Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, it's because you're curious. Boring. I'd be curious too. I'm cooming curious. You're cooming all over my chest. I want to put a cooming seed down my meters. Keep talking, keep being vulgar for another seven seconds and we'll get there. I've splotched, I've launched a cooming seed right into his gob.

I've got my blonde on his gob, it's all that stuff. It's fucking flying on a piece of cum across the room. And end the episode. See you next week. Bye everyone.