CheapShow - Ep 445: Walk Hard With A Vengeance (Stereo Edition)

Starting point is 00:00:00 223 episodes ago. Mate, there are people coming into our podcast with guns. What the fuck's going on? Who are those two guys? Who's this? Is this Paul and Eli? Yeah, my name is Paul and that's Eli. Well, my name is Hans Herry. Yeah, what are you going to do?

Starting point is 00:00:18 You need to produce Bill Donut. He's done us wrong and he's got some money. So what? What do you want from us? Unless you produce said Donut. Yeah. Bill Esquire Donut he's done us wrong and he's got some money Unless you produce said Donut. Yeah, Bill Esquire Donut Yeah, we will be killing one of these motley crew of assorted characters every five minutes Listen, this is my brother Palms. Oh, yeah, that's me What do you like to do palm? Oh, I like to take you people Yeah, I like to take you people. Yeah? I like to lick the off the prick.

Starting point is 00:00:47 Right. And then I like to eat the prick. You eat the prick? And that's just for starters! That's just for starters, right? Eli! Yeah? I'm down.

Starting point is 00:00:55 Can you see anything? No, no, it looks fine. The coast is clear, Paul. Hello, little boy. Oh, my God. Oh, look, I cut the fishy. I cut the fishy and I'm gonna eat the little fish. Now listen to me. You listen to me. Yes, what you gonna do? All you gonna do is lie down and die boy.

Starting point is 00:01:14 Oh I'm gonna eat ya. Paul, if you did have some kind of plan, now be good time. Here comes me. Good. Oh he's landed on him! That's right, Paul! Give him a... Give him a... Hit him! God! Hit him!

Starting point is 00:01:30 He's choking me! Quick! Get me something to hit him with! What should I do? Here you go, Paul! That will finish him off! Use that! Wow! I think that worked. Oh, his brains are all out. You two get it.

Starting point is 00:01:49 Get it, stand over there! Ruff Ruff. Hello? What's all this? Hello Bill. We've been expecting you, Ruff Ruff. What's that fucking prick Hans Harry doing here?

Starting point is 00:02:01 Well, you didn't expect me to let you take over my patch, did you? Well guess what? You can have the money. Good. But we're all gonna fucking die. What? Because in about, I don't know, two minutes, this whole podcast and everyone in it is gonna be blown into oblivion.

Starting point is 00:02:17 Oh, Brando, what's he talking about? Well, how are we gonna die? What's he done? Ruff, Ruff, this is ridiculous! Bill, call this off! No, we're all going to Ragn kind of rope or something you can tie together. There's no rope. There's no... He needs anything. Noodles! Noodles?

Starting point is 00:02:50 Noodles. There's a wet pack of noodles right here, Paul. Yeah. Look, I'll tie this round, both of us. Right, come on, Paul. Tie this wet, it's an udon, it's quite a thick one, it's an udon noodle. Right, okay. Ten seconds and counting, boys. Are you ready to taste death?

Starting point is 00:03:09 Jimmy, we're secure! Blow the hatch! Blow the hatch! Okay, I'm doing it now, you've got to run there. Three, two, one. Goodnight, boys. Jump, jump, jump, jump! Oh what a lovely lovely lovely day hello everyone I'm Paul Gannon and I'm Eli Silverman here we are lovely Crystal Palace in deepest southeast London and we've long wanted to come to Crystal Palace for an adventure and a day out and we thought wow the weather's good before the summer leaves us let's do another little walk about in Crystal Palace Park. There are some Egyptian

Starting point is 00:03:56 things around here there's a dinosaurs can we see the dinosaurs? Mate we've got all the time in the world today to have as much fun as we could possibly have and we'll absorb everything I've got a, I've got a price of shite ready to go, so mate we are gonna be doing top-de bestie top-de to-de. Top-de to-de bestie to-de? Top-de to-de bestie woody. That's not, that's, you're just trying to say words just to fill the time now aren't you? Top-de to-de wimpy woody. That's not a thing. It's what the kids say. It's not what the kids say. I'm Riz, so I know what the kids say. You're Chugy.

Starting point is 00:04:27 I beg your pardon. You know what Chugy is. That's a slur. It's Nath. We used to say a kid, a cringe. Chugy. Chugy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:38 I don't know why we've got our hands on our hips all of a sudden. I've just realised that as well. I've got a hurty back. I'm just trying to support my back, yeah. Well, at least all we've got to look forward to today is a lovely lovely calm chill not at all stressful day in the park entertaining our usual what yeah I don't know what that is. Zip line over there. I don't know what that is. It looks like a zip line frame. Well we're gonna find out we're gonna find out in a minute. Are we all right? Yeah

Starting point is 00:05:05 It's a lady with bread Not the sitcom or the band but just a normal loaf of bread. You know what the band was shit as well, weren't they? Their biggest hit was a version of the the Bee Gees. You don't know what it's like To love somebody to love somebody would you say that can you please get your fucking phone, it's still in my head Alright, sorry Just answer it Sorry everyone, let's get mental to this Sorry

Starting point is 00:05:30 I don't know who that is Just answer it and then I'll cut it out Hello? Hello Is this Eli Silverman? Who's this? Is this

Starting point is 00:05:41 Podcaster Eli J Silverman Of the Cheap Show podcast? Yeah, yes it is but who's speaking please? My name is Simon and I want to play a little game with Eli J Silverman. I think, I don't know what, I don't understand. Who are you talking to? He says he's Simon and he wants to play a game. I don't know, it must be some kind of cheapskate.

Starting point is 00:06:01 Oh it's probably a pervert. Yeah maybe it's a Cheap Show pervert fan. Fucking hell there's loads of them. Loads of them. Dirty bastards. They're fucking coming out of the walls, it's probably a pervert. A cheapskate. Yeah, maybe it's a cheap show, pervert fan. Fucking hell, there's loads of them. Loads of them. Dirty bastards. They're fucking coming out the walls. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, Simon Simon what Simon? You may remember me as a few years ago You did me the dishonor of killing someone very close to me now. We don't kill people so We ever kill people my surname is

Starting point is 00:06:36 Harry oh shit Hang on what sorry Say your name again to him now. Yeah, I'm talking to you talking to you. Are you on the phone to him now? Yeah, I'm talking to him now. Are you talking to him? I'm on the phone. Ask him. Right, what do you want me to ask him? Ask him if he's related to Hans and Harry. I'm just going to hand you the phone, okay?

Starting point is 00:06:54 Harry, if he's a Harry brother. Ask him if he's one of the Harry... Are you a Harry brother? I don't know why you are laughing at me. I am indeed the third brother from the Hairy Brothers. You killed hands and palms a few years ago. He says we killed his brothers hands and palms. And he's Simon. Yes.

Starting point is 00:07:17 So what should I say to him then Paul? I'm listening. Listen, I want to play a game with you for revenge of killing my brothers. Okay, why should I play your game? Why should we? We didn't even kill him. Eli killed him. I wasn't even there at the time.

Starting point is 00:07:28 Excuse me, I didn't kill him. You did. You fell on him or something. The whole thing got blown up. Well, yeah. Bill Donut's stroke, Hans' hair, he got blown up. But you killed Palms, didn't you? You beat him to death with the Tony toys.

Starting point is 00:07:40 It was you who did it. I was just there. It was you. You used the arg, the wag and the wooog. You fell on him and then I hit him with the Tony toys. It was you who did it, I was just there. It was you, you used the arg, the wog and the wog. You fell on him and then I hit him with the Tony toy, either way. What do you want from us? I want to play a little game. I have hidden six bombs all over the park and you must disarm them within 90 minutes or there will be destruction and death and it will be all on your hands.

Starting point is 00:08:02 Oh no, I don't want to have destruction and death on my hands again. I don't want them. Or palms. Are we on speakerphone? Is that what's working now? Yes. Yes, okay. Thank you for putting it on speakerphone earlier so I could hear the conversation. My pleasure. My pleasure. So are you still there Simon?

Starting point is 00:08:16 Yes, I'm still here. If you do not play my little game, hundreds will die in your name today. So let us begin for I have some rules. Okay, okay then Simon, yes. We'll play your game. will die in your name today so let us begin for I have some rules okay okay then Simon yes we'll play your game I will give you six riddles each riddle will take you to a location of a bomb once you are there you must solve another little little to disfuse the bomb so big riddle little riddle and then drink the bomb big riddle little riddle drink the bomb yeah what do you mean

Starting point is 00:08:43 drink the bomb what do you mean drink the bombs. Big riddle little riddle drink the bomb. Yeah what do you mean drink the bomb? What do you mean drink the bomb? These bombs are little alcoholic danger pods. I have hidden buzz balls with bombs attached to them across the whole of Crystal Palace Park and it is up to you to solve each one and do it within 90 minutes or I will set off the biggest bomb and destroy the whole park. Oh dear. Alright yeah but how do we know this isn't a big joke or something? Yeah and why should we trust you? Yeah, why should we trust you? Why, he could just be some prankster.

Starting point is 00:09:08 Yeah. Well, let me give you a little taste of my trust. BOOM! Whoa, fucking hell! He's blown up the fucking station! He's blown up the whole station! He blew up the station! I've got shrapnel bits all up in my hair!

Starting point is 00:09:26 I've got a big brick right up my booghole! It won't come out! That would be an actual serious injury in real life. And there would be no laughing matter. Bum injury! The bum injuries are serious! There, you mean, I see, I mean business! God, he's destroyed the whole station.

Starting point is 00:09:42 It was a beautiful old Victorian station. There are people running away and screaming oh no it's a very real thing that just happened. Okay Simon, we can see you mean business now. What do you need me to do? I want you to head into the middle of the park where I will give you your first riddle and then the clock will begin. All right, well where do you want us to go then? Head to what is known as Stone Penge and I will call you again then.

Starting point is 00:10:13 Okay, I think that's over there Paul. All right, well okay, so Eli, it looks like we've got bombs to defuse and an adventure to be had on what was meant to be a chill day. Oh, that's a shame, but you know, I'm up for diffusing some buzz ball bums. Yeah, let's get right up in it. Is that brick falling out of your arsehole yet?

Starting point is 00:10:32 Yeah, there it goes. Oh, it took a few things with it, too. Right, OK. Well, I guess it's time. I guess it's time. The fucking kidney's falling out of your arse. It's dragging on the ground. Oh no. I'm going to tuck it back in.

Starting point is 00:10:47 Ladies and gentlemen, although we've got a right problem on our hands this week, I guess it's time to walk hard with a vengeance. Yay! Right. We're at Stone Pins. Christ. Oh, I'm knackered from just that walk. Right, hang on.

Starting point is 00:11:03 Right. Hang on. Right. We're at Stonehenge. Christ. Oh, I'm knackered from just that walk. Right, hang on. Right. Hang on, he's ringing me now. He's ringing you now? Well that's convenient, isn't it? He got my number. Just have your number. Why did he want to ring me if he had your number the whole way? I gave him my number just now, didn't I? He said text me lol and a smiley face emoji. Why are you mates with him? This guy's just blown up Crystal Palace overground. Yeah and you see all the police and stuff back there. Yeah what? They're going to think we were involved.

Starting point is 00:11:31 Exactly. We've got to clear our name. Yes but what are we going to do? I don't know. Hang on. Hang on. I think we should just go to the police with what we've got Paul. Alright. Let's just, let's not do anything. Let's just stop this. Answer your phone mate. Answer your phone.

Starting point is 00:11:41 Is my phone still going? No it's your phone ringing now. Why is my phone ringing now? Because he doesn't want to call me because you've set that up to be something that isn't logical. So now he's calling you. Answer your phone mate, answer your phone. Is my phone still going? No, it's your phone ringing now. Why is my phone ringing now? Because he doesn't want to call me because you've set that up to be something that isn't logical. So now he's calling you. Right, answer it.

Starting point is 00:11:50 Hello? Hello, yes. Hi, are you there at the Stone Penge? Now why should we believe anything? Yes we're at the Penge. Yeah, we're at the Penge. But we're going to go to the police with what we've got, aren't we Paul? No, because if you do I will detonate all the bombs right now right right and you and you will have you will die right let our little games begin Mr Silverman

Starting point is 00:12:10 Mr Ganon and see if you can't save some lives for the ones you have lost already at the station yes Simon we'll do it but yeah all right okay I'm going to send Paul the riddles all right and it's up to you to find the location, defuse the bomb and then race to the next. Guess what? Your time begins now. Right, what do we do? It's off. I don't know. He's sending me a message now. Hang on. Right, here we go. We've got 90 minutes for all of this. Come on. This is my first clue, yeah? right for bomb number one here's your clue Eli okay I have legs but cannot walk I speak for thousands but cannot talk I'm a giant but only in eighth place you needn't fear I can never give chase that's what he sent to me I don't know

Starting point is 00:12:59 what that means right you got to think about it now haven't you so it's a location in the park. I have legs but cannot walk. I speak for thousands but cannot talk. I am a giant but only in eighth place. You needn't fear I can never give chase. An eighth place giant? Yeah. So, let's go from the beginning of that. So, I have mouth but cannot talk. Yeah. No, legs that cannot walk, like a table. Yeah, like a... Yeah, something of that. So I have mouth but cannot talk. Yeah. No, legs that cannot walk, like a table.

Starting point is 00:13:26 Yeah, like a... Yeah, something like that. Like a table or a platform. Again, we're on the clock. You've got to think. Well, I'm not doing very well so far. Get your phone out, do some research. Oh, fucking hell.

Starting point is 00:13:37 What in the park is ranked eighth place? Or in London? Or it's the eighth something? Eight wonders of the world. Well it's not going to be this stone pen, which is a kind of brutalist stone edge. It's where we are, we started out here. It's great, this little stone edge. Is it a seating area?

Starting point is 00:13:54 I guess it must be. Yeah, there's benches down there. Oh yeah, there is. We could have filmed there actually. Come on, so I have legs but cannot walk. I can speak to thousands but cannot walk like a table thousands, but cannot talk like a like a flag or all

Starting point is 00:14:12 I'm a giant but when you say giant that makes me think of What oh we speak for thousands it could be the dinosaurs, right? Because they represent thousands of dinosaurs. It's no. What do you mean no? How do you know? It's because I'm psychic. I know the criminal mind and I know that's not correct. Eighth, in eighth place, is it like the running track?

Starting point is 00:14:38 Something to do with that. A loudspeaker. I have a mouth. Think about it, it's giant. It has legs but doesn't move. And it speaks for thousands but it actually doesn't say anything, if that makes sense. Giant communicative table in eighth place in Crystal Palace Park. See what AI says.

Starting point is 00:15:01 Let's see what AI says. Yeah, let's... Cherish Your Hunt never had that fucking problem with Annika Rice. Episode 119, Crystal Palace Football Club, the beginning. Yeah, that's not what we're going to want, though, is it? Crystal Palace transmitting station! With legs, I've got it! Alright. It's the transmitting station, it's the tower.

Starting point is 00:15:16 That has legs and it... It has no mouth, but it transmits. Yes. So, yes, I've got it. So what are we looking for, then? We're looking for the big radio tower that's behind us. The one that's been staring at us the whole time. Well, I got it. So what are we looking for then? We're looking for the big radio tower that's behind us. Staring at us the whole time. Well, I got it.

Starting point is 00:15:26 All right, let's go. Is it correct? I'm texting him to see if it's correct. He says we can go. All right, let's go. Okay, good. So we're off to the BBC transmitter. Now I'm filming this on my 360 cam, but I think the angle is shit and it might crack out at any time. But that will be available for

Starting point is 00:15:45 patrons if it's not dog shit. Right is it still halfway upright on my bag? Yeah. Is it still? Because I think it's at the one. It's going straight up mate. Is it? Yeah. Alright cool. We've got these stairs. Right we can go up these stairs I don't think we can get to the transmitter directly but we can get as close enough. It's just there. It's just there. Should we go just here on the foot of it sort of up here? No I think we've got to go up the steps because I think he's put the bombs right by them as close as possible. Okay. Right so here we go. Now look there's a Crystal Palace map there. Do you think you might want to take a picture of it see if it helps you? Yeah that would be helpful. Because Eli doesn't know the lay of the land do you? You don't know the lay of the land. I't got a lay out of the land in my head so. Now take

Starting point is 00:16:30 a picture but don't study it too quickly because I'd like you still to be brain fresh for every puzzle. Oh but this is great I get there's so many locations on this map it's going to be a real help. Yeah so that's why I think you should. Oh there's another radio tower there but you must mean this one in the park. Well this is the BBC one. Oh yeah. why I think you should have... Oh, there's another radio tower there, but you must mean this one in the park. Well, this is the BBC one. Oh, yeah? And it was the eighth, I think it's the eighth highest landmark in London. Ah, the eighth. Yeah, something like that.

Starting point is 00:16:53 When I did the research for it. I didn't need that bit of the clue, did I? No. Oh, the dinosaurs are really one good swimmer. But it might have helped you in a search engine. So we've got all the PEL mics on. We're doing this live and real time. Just checking we're still recording, yes we are.

Starting point is 00:17:06 That would really fucking suck if we did all of this and they didn't record but they are. We've got my little red light on, yeah we're all good. We've got little wind muffs on so that should hopefully mitigate some of the windy wind on this thing. I'm just editing this photo so that I can read it. Alright but we've got to still get to the location. How long have we got on the clock? One hour, 25 minutes left.

Starting point is 00:17:33 Or else he detonates all the bombs he's hidden. All right. Eli is just making some photographic editing. Right, I've got it. All right, come on, let's build these steps then. Okay. All right. Just putting the brightness up on that photo and so I can see all the locations.

Starting point is 00:17:46 I've got a good working map on my phone now. Yeah. That should give us a little bit of a... How are we going to diffuse these bombs though? I don't know. I think he's going to send us a riddle when we get there and that will help diffuse the bomb and then we have to drink its toxic content to make sure it becomes inert. I love all this park. This is old Victorian sort of stairs and...

Starting point is 00:18:12 Well it's very Roman culture. Oh a CMS isn't it? Yeah but it was built by the Victorians because they were into that neoclassical architectural style. We talked about this in the podcast a little while ago, where it turned the century when like, or the 1800s, sorry, late 1800s, when like, the turians were out there pillaging the whole world and bringing it back. Yeah, the height of the empire, wasn't it? A big chunk of that was the whole Egyptian armour and Roman stuff. Right. This is just such a big project though. You know, this whole area. I mean look, there's sphinxes there as well.

Starting point is 00:18:48 On the arms. You know what I like as well, this is Victorian and the bit the stone pen was very much modernist. Yeah. You've got eras of architectural style in the park. Right, I tell you what, we'll get up these steps, we'll head to that little hill there and I think the first buzz ball's there. We're very near the bottom of the tower already. Close enough. Radio tower.

Starting point is 00:19:12 But I think we're going to need to get... Is that TV or radio? Phone, communications, TV, digital, DAB. I think it's like a little bit of everything. I know BBC use it mostly, but I also know they've leached it out to like capital or absolute radio or something. But yeah it's a huge big transmitter, sobbing transmitter and that's our first location. Right, also, so yeah we're out and about, we've got these lapel mics on, apologies if there's a ruffle and a truffle as we jostle them.

Starting point is 00:19:48 Also, you're going to find out how unhealthy me and Eli are as you record an episode all in one go, constantly on the move. So this will be fun. Another second pair of steps. Right, okay. Let's do it. I think, yeah, it's here. I can see it. He's put it in full public view on the corner of that plinth. Let's go. Exercise. I can do this. Simon Herry, he's going to be defeated today. I just know it. Sun's coming out now. I've got a bit of a sweat on. Don't have any water! Yeah it's here, oh it's here! Mate be careful, oh be careful.

Starting point is 00:20:35 Oh here we are, here we are. What do we have to do? I don't know, hang on. Look there's the first buzz bomb, get it out, It's in a little box. Right, I've got to get these. Oh, he sent me another riddle. What do you mean the buzz bomb? I don't want to touch the bomb, Paul. You're going to have to though. It's got the riddle underneath. I don't... Hasn't it?

Starting point is 00:20:56 It might go off just in my hand though. Well, eh-oh. Right, he sent me a riddle. He says, before we can defuse the first buzz... oh what is that? Buzz ball cocktail Lotte Collada. That sounds like a porn name actress. It's a buzz ball. Lotte vagina. Ready to drink, enjoy chilled, 13 and a half percent volgohol. So I think we've got to share this. How are we going to share them equally? I don't know. Suppy, suppy and then I'll suppy, suppy. Okay, you haven't got a cold or anything at the moment. No I don't. Just a bit of syphilis.

Starting point is 00:21:35 But you've had that. Is that syphilis from your lip? Yeah, that's what I got from you. That's good. But you don't get syphilis from me. I haven't had sex. No, I nicked myself shaving and it's become... You nicked yourself shaving your lip? I nicked myself shaving and it's become... You nicked yourself shaving your lip? I nicked myself shaving because it caught my lip. I can't tell you how, it just did when I was shaving a little bit underneath there and I caught it. Really? And then it became owie and now it's a bit sore. You've had it for ages. No I haven't, I've had it like about four days.

Starting point is 00:21:56 Anyway, this is beyond the point, people are going to die. Oh yeah, shit. Beyond the point. Give me this, I need to just use this buzz ball. Alright, here it goes. The concept wearing so thin already. Right. I don't understand it. Here The concept wearing so thin already. Right. I don't understand it.

Starting point is 00:22:06 Here's the riddle he sent. He sent a riddle. In 1968, a missionary was captured in the jungle by a tribe of cannibals. Once bound to a state, the missionary began to preach like he'd never preached before. However, his sermon had the wrong effect. The tribe found him so unpalatable,

Starting point is 00:22:21 they decided not to eat him. They did, however, condemn him to death and offered him three choices. Would it be, burned at the stake, thrown into a pit of lions who haven't eaten in two years, or would he choose to be boiled in oil? He had a think and chose one of those three options as his best chance of survival. What did he choose? Which did he choose?

Starting point is 00:22:42 Out of being burned at the stake, being thrown into a pit of hungry lions and boiled in oil. Okay I will engage with this, I just want to make one brief criticism of the card. Yes. It's the Riddle he sent. Yes I know, encrypted text. I understand that. Yes to a to a burner phone. Yes and then we're gonna have to do it. Yeah right one little criticism of it said lions I hadn't eaten in two years. Yeah, I would choose that because the lions would be deep Exactly than answer on the card. So there you go. There you go. That's your first puzzle done Ah, you can now drink the buzz bomb. Yeah Well, I thought it was a criticism with the way it was written, but it was the answer itself I tell you what, have you got my mug? I'll just pour it into that and we won't do the mix-up thing

Starting point is 00:23:24 You know when I said, I don't wanna do the mix-up thing. No, otherwise it just a burden. So where will you put my mug? I'll just pour it into that and we won't do the mix-up thing. You know when I said we'll mix it up. I don't want to do the mix-up thing? Nah, otherwise it just makes it a burden. So where will you put my mug? It's in there mate. Is it? Or did I put it in my bag? You put it in your bag, it's popping up the thing.

Starting point is 00:23:36 Fuck my lips. But you can drink out of my ice thing if you want. Alright, yeah. Yeah, alright, come on. Halfy, halfy. I tell you what, you pour half of the glass and drink from it, I'll drink what's left in the box, all right? Now, there's 200 mils, so.

Starting point is 00:23:48 So just give me a little sniff. Do you wanna have a little sniff? We've gotta get these down and then move on. Where are we, mate? Because honestly, there's five more riddles and we've got one hour and 18 minutes left on the clock. What's it smell like? Just smell it, man. So what's it meant to be?

Starting point is 00:24:00 It's a pina colada. But what's lotta mean? It's there. Oh, God. Smells liketa mean it's there oh god smells like nail varnish and coconuts. Yeah nail varnish remover. Alright go on I'll let you pour your first bish. Bish bash bosh. It's a load of tosh. Right okay. It's hard to see because it's a opaque. That's about half I can see it. Can you? Yeah, I can put a light through it if you want. Yeah please, because I want to... I can't fucking see shit in there. I thought I could see it. Alright, there we go. There we go, look that's fine. I'll drink all of this. Right, let's defuse this bottom. Cheers to defusing this bottom.

Starting point is 00:24:36 One down, five to go. Oh this is nasty nasty pasty shit. Right, yeah that's horrible. What any flavor notes on that for? Shit. It tastes like very sweet. It's like a bounty, it's like a horrible... It's bad. It's bad coconut. Bad pasta. Bad coconut. Bad coconut. Oh, that's really horrid. That's really horrid.

Starting point is 00:25:12 Well guess what, we've got another fucking five of these and we've got one hour, 17 minutes. Oh, he's texting me the next riddle. I've sent him the answer and I've sent picture proof that we've erm... Have we managed to defuse that? Yeah, I've sent him proof. That's one of the... did you finish it? Yeah, look, gone. Apart from the drips.

Starting point is 00:25:34 Shall I put it back in the bag? Better not be Randy. Right, listen, while you pack that away, I'll read out the next clue. Inaccurate today, Owens and Hawkins built their folly later graded, preserved not degraded. To find this park, you may need to shake up Russia, JC. Jesus Christ. Do you want me to read it again? Inaccurate today, Owens and Hawkins built their folly later graded, preserved not degraded. But to find this park park you may need to

Starting point is 00:26:05 shake up Russia JC. Shake up Russia JC. I like your clues thank you Simon. Yes Simon they're very very clever aren't they. That's good so I think I should search for those surnames. Owen and Hawkins. Owen and Hawkins. O-W-E-N. I'm gonna, no, I'm gonna just voice it. Okay, yeah. Owen and Hawkins. Folly. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh Hawkins Folly. Ah, maybe not the Folly. Put in song. Owen and Hawkins Folly.

Starting point is 00:26:46 Maybe not the Folly. Put in, say Owen and Hawkins Crystal Palace. Crystal Palace. See what they get there. As a guess, I don't know what the answers are. And that thing about it being- I've just been dragged along into this adventure. It's Eli who they want. That thing about it being inaccurate

Starting point is 00:26:59 makes me think it's some kind of geographical or sort of, you know, a timekeeping thing or maybe something to do with the Greenwich Meridian. That's what I'm thinking because it's, let's see what if I get Owen and Hawkins Crystal Palace. So inaccurate today, Owen's and Hawkins built their swallowing. Oh no, it's the dinosaurs. It is the dinosaur park. So where's the dinosaur park? Because that's inaccurate today because one of the dinosaurs, its thumb is in fact turned out to be the horn of another species and they put it as the thumb yeah is that what you're talking about well it's a

Starting point is 00:27:27 lot of the dinosaurs that they built for that I totally don't look like any dinosaurs that ever existed right Owen was the guy who built it but Hawkins was the dinosaur expert of the time in the mid 1800s late 1800s early paleontologists who was like yeah well maybe early 1900s maybe sorry who was like I'll help you build this however Russia JC if you shake it up spells Jurassic ah ha ha very where are we going where are we going then you know I'm gonna consult my map I'm gonna consult my map I'm gonna consult my photo of the map yeah here we go exciting in it now there's the dinosaurs

Starting point is 00:28:04 yeah and we are we're up here somewhere aren't we yeah we're there. I think my camera's all at skew. Down right down and then just past the Sports Center we take a right down the middle right down the middle right so we're off to the dinosaur park in Crystal Palace Park I mean I started the Buzzballs, I started with what I thought might be the worst flavour, so that's something isn't it? Really? Yeah. I mean no one likes that. No one likes, I don't know, I'm not a huge fan of coconut based alcohol drinks. No I'm not either. Just in general really. I like, I like that coca donata bit stuff that you get in those Mugee Mugees. Yeah. You know that? The chewy bits you get in those soft drinks.

Starting point is 00:28:45 I know of them, I've never had them. They're nice, they don't taste of coconut, they've just got a nice sort of texture of fruit flesh. Coconut I'm fine with, they're just coconut and alcohol, I just don't find one easy. Yeah, but it's very much the cheap girly side of the booze market isn't it or marketed to girls it's Malibu you know because of the breezes and may have coconut Piccardi breezes yeah no well I don't know if they specifically had that but Piccardi breezes were all like I don't know I'm not gonna say tropical sort of flavors yeah they had watermelon oh it's windy here watermelon bark Piccardi Breeze are Watermelon bar, Cappuccino, Bresa. Oh. Right, what time have we got on the clock? We've got buzz balls.

Starting point is 00:29:31 Are you feeling a buzz off the buzz ball? Not yet. I mean, I've got that sting of horrible cheap booze in my mouth. One hour, 12 minutes, mate. Alright. Well, just actually, you know what, to be fair, close to one hour, 13. But, that's the first one down, we've got five more to go. If they only take 15 minutes each, I'm laughing.

Starting point is 00:29:49 Yeah, but depending on the distance and how long it's gonna take us to get from here to there, I don't know where we scattered the bombs, mate. We could be all around this park, up and down, in and out, up your father's leg and down your auntie's panties, you know what I mean? Why do you keep saying things you've never said before in your life?

Starting point is 00:30:04 These are old, classically established and well remembered maxims of the past. Okay. Like don't forget to put your spoon in the drawer or else you'll take a fork to work. What? Exactly you've never heard of that one. You just made that up. I haven't made that up. You did let's have another one then. Right Three fish ain't worth fishing for. Yeah. Now you've started to make them up. No, that's a new one. That's like. That's a new one?

Starting point is 00:30:28 I mean, that's a. Oh, an old one. It's a new one. Classic on a spin. It all comes from an old Roman one. Yeah. Which was a. Fishus maximus pishus.

Starting point is 00:30:37 Fishum docum camaphum trezum. Exodus o pigi. O pigi. The old pigi. Yeah, that's what the spunk comes out. The old pig eye honker beak. Hey! I think maybe that Coca Cola's coming in. I think we go down this way. Which way? The main? I mean... Yes. Let me just check the map again. This is on a wonk this camera isn't it? Yeah. Yeah bollocks Haven't got time to fabricate. No, no, we keep going down past the pen this way. Yeah. Oh mate. We can't afford to make Mistakes. Oh, yeah, we gotta go past penj again

Starting point is 00:31:20 Stone penj mate. Can you grab my shaft and then just give it a squiggle so it's straight and Then what you want to deal with the camera after that? Then I want you to toss my big cock off. Yeah. Until all the foamy man science comes out. It's time for the science bit, yeah? Time for the science bit. Hey ladies, time for the science bit. I've come in your fucking eyes. Yeah, that's a good one. Why haven't we ever thought of that before? So you're having sex with a lady, you pull out and you say, time for the science bit, and you come in her eyes. I've got to take a picture of this water thing, it's so brutal. Mate, we're on the clock, so you remember. I don't care!

Starting point is 00:31:50 You should care, because there are hundreds of lives at risk. It's fine, I've got this, they're all bloody easy. All these families who are here today having picnics and school days out. There's no one here. Shut up. There's one lady with her dogs. Yeah, and she could die if we don't get these bombs sorted. Look at the state of these steps though.

Starting point is 00:32:05 Everything's very ruinous. Well, I've heard that they're trying to, they're going to start closing parts of this park down bit by bit. Really? To regenerate it. Well, they should because it's such a lovely spot really. I've never been, but there's like lots to do here. It's the ruin, the ruinous actually appeals to me,

Starting point is 00:32:23 but that's my, you know, I know it's not good for... Yeah. The way it's a bit... seen better days. It's definitely seen better days. I mean this little bit in itself, the Stone Pench bit, is kind of like a kind of council estate. Yeah, it totally is. Like a calm space in a council estate. Which is all just concrete. It's a brutalist playground.

Starting point is 00:32:43 Is this Shakespeare or something? No, it must be a local guy. So Joseph Paxton MP, 1803, 1865, creator of Crystal Palace, which stood on this site from 1854 to 1936. Oh yeah, the Crystal Palace was here. Yeah. So it's the absence of a huge famous structure. When did it burn down? Because it was only up for a little amount of time and then it burnt down, right? Like the one in Ali Pali, because that opened and then burned down a couple of days later. They moved it from Ali Pali to here or something. I mean I don't know. I hope that doesn't come up. But no I mean like Ali Pali wasn't that open for a few days and then burnt down and then they had to rebuild it again. Yeah. Right is this a big, we still go right up this path ahead of us. Yes we go past the school and things. Yeah because to our left right now there's a tennis court, to our right car park, to our head, big concrete

Starting point is 00:33:34 road. To our head. Mate you've got to get away. From your mangle. No it's not these are old. Your Joe language mangle. Old English maxims that I'm bringing back. Let's hear one more. Never a duck parts his feathers for a beast. Fucking, I'll tell you what. What? There was a duck last Saturday, it parted its feathers right open for this beast, I tell you.

Starting point is 00:33:56 What, are you talking about a dirty shit right now? No. What are you talking about, a lady? A duck's feathers. What does that mean? It's the vet. It could mean you fucked a pillow for all I know. I did. Did you have a rotting session on your pillow?

Starting point is 00:34:07 Krusty pillow. Sweet dreams. Sweet creams or maiden bees. Who am I to disagree? You can't disagree. I can't disagree and I won't disagree. Right, well how far are we away from the dinosaurs? A lovely modernist sports centre. A lot of concrete. One hour, eight minutes. One hour, eight minutes. I believe we go past and then to the left, to the right, behind the stadium. Oh, now the Crystal Palace National Sports Centre is to our left here, where there seems to

Starting point is 00:34:37 be a volleyball court with sand and everything, which is extremely modern. It's a sport on the rise, Eli. Is it? I don't know. But you see, have extremely modern it's a sport on the rise Eli. Is it? I don't know. But you see have you seen a sport on the sand? Like Olympics when they do like volleyball and beach volleyball and like the ladies almost wearing nothing. Well honestly it's like honestly it's like pole dancing. Mate. It was very much popularized by Baywatch wasn't it was it yes because they do it in Baywatch and and Top Gun famous scene in Top Gun that's all blokes in denim shorts which I guarantee you left a lot of chafing that's why they called him goose because he's fucking always got a massive chafe on his balls from playing the old

Starting point is 00:35:22 beach volleyball now I'm excited to defuse this bomb. Defuse? As well as seeing these dinosaurs for the first time. I've just got to take a photo of this, it's amazing. Yeah go for it. Where are we on the clock? You know what, when I thought about doing this in an hour I thought that's too much time, 90 minutes. Now I think that's too much time 90 minutes now I think that's not enough time one hour six well one hour six and a half give or take oh there's a little fake road or something maybe it was for a go-kart back in the day, it looks like an abandoned go-kart track down here yeah well swervy worthy that's pretty cool huh

Starting point is 00:36:04 yeah there's all sorts of stuff look there's a little graffiti hall of fame looks like as well track down here. Yeah well it's worthy worthy. That's pretty cool huh? Yeah. There's all sorts of stuff look there's a little graffiti Hall of Fame looks like as well. Yeah and a little five-a-side pitch down there and that woman with her dog still hounding us, pun intended. Now do you believe Stan 1977? I think the dinosaurs are gonna be behind that copse of trees or somewhere in it. I hope so I Hope so let's descend from this place a drone. We're being spied by Simon This is how Simon's tracking us with his drones

Starting point is 00:36:39 I'm taking a photo that drone. I know there's the operator. I can see that. It's not Simon. It's just some nice I'm shut up. It's good for the fucking narrative to drone right. I'm going down the steps It's good for the fucking narrative. It's a drone. Right, I'm going down the steps. Here we go. So. I took a few photos of the drone. No, thank you. Simon's drone, yes?

Starting point is 00:36:52 Yes, Simon's drone. Simon's drone. Oh dear. I love all these levels. They, it is like a housing estate, isn't it? Yeah. With all the, what did they used to call them? Like pathways in the sky or whatever. Which they thought would, basically the whole. It's like a housing estate isn't it? Yeah With all the, what did they used to call them?

Starting point is 00:37:05 Like pathways in the sky or whatever Which they thought would basically the whole To open up the space between buildings Well the philosophy was all the cars would be underneath It's like the Barbican Centre Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Or where's that place near Swiss Cottage that they usually film everywhere at? What's that space?

Starting point is 00:37:21 But you know what I'm getting at? That space Yeah The one they're using Kingsman and stuff It's Rowley Way or it's the Alexandra Park estate is what you're talking about. Yes, thank you. Which is less grade 2 listed. Yeah. But that is unusual for brutalist estates. Yeah. Of the times because it isn't high rise, it's all horizontal, it's all flat-lying

Starting point is 00:37:42 you know what I mean? Yeah. But I'm still saying it's a place for people to walk and not drive. Yes, and the cars go underneath don't they? They do and one of my favorite things to do is to walk underneath of these really long garages underneath completely subterranean under that whole estate. Always reminds me of Robocop or like you know that kind of Verhoeven dystopia. One of my favorite places in London. What the underpass in that housing estate? RoboCop or like you know that kind of Verhoeven dystopia. One of my favourite places in London. What the underpass in that housing estate? Yeah basically. Isn't that something like a criminal says out loud? No, someone who's interested in late modernist architecture my friend. Now I don't

Starting point is 00:38:15 know where I'm going now. I don't know I said you want to go down this way and you just followed me. You're mate Simon's tracking us. I'm just going to skip to the bottom of this hill and see if I can spot some dinosaurs. Oh there's a picnic going on over there. This bit's sectioned off, the chopping down trees. Oh hang on, I think we might be just there. Hang on, there's a little map here. Let's have a little look. Right, I think that stopped recording.

Starting point is 00:38:50 Did it, stopped recording. Did it stop recording. It's starting again. Good. Doesn't show me where I am though. Well. Must be around here somewhere. Oh look I mean yeah why doesn't it show you where you are that's fucking stupid. Well look we can't be too far. Dinosaur lake. Might be dinosaur lake. I I think it is. Yeah, here we go. So somewhere around here. I can definitely smell... I can smell dinosaur droppings. You know that all birds are actually dinosaurs in the same way that all humans are... Pigs. Apes. Fish. Ape? Pig? Ape? Pigs? Fish. All humans are fish.

Starting point is 00:39:23 Oh, that sounds like conspiracy talk to me. No, because you know fish came out of the water. We're descended from fish. Oh, there's some elk. There's a boathouse here. There's some big elk sculpture. Oh, we're on the green. This is part of the Green Chain Walk, would you believe. So, is this it? Is this where we are? Those aren't dinosaurs. Those are big elk. No, that's a great big...deer. But I think it's somewhere around here

Starting point is 00:39:50 yeah well it must be right here because we're right on the edge there's like housing there yeah the avian dinosaurs became birds where's me map becain birds where's me map must be near picnic area crystal palace pedalo higher I think it's actually that next bit over there next bit over there. I've got to send them a picture of a dinosaur to prove that we've been here. What's that look? That's a goose. Yeah but it's a real goose mate. What's this bringing dinosaurs to life? Where are they? We're almost there. Where are they? Dippley dinosaur, Crystal Palace. There's a picnic table up there.

Starting point is 00:40:48 What's that big thing there? Oh, that's it. Yeah, that's a dinosaur. Is it? Yeah. Is it? Here we are. Oh, Megatherium.

Starting point is 00:40:56 Megatherium. It's not. It's a ground sloth, giant ground sloth. So this isn't dinosaurs, though? No. Although it kind of is and it isn't. Well, they're prehistoric beasts, but that's a giant sloth. So this isn't dinosaurs though? No. Although it kind of is and it isn't. Well they're prehistoric beasts but that's a giant sloth. And there's island one and two. So we've just got to see if you've got, he wants a picture

Starting point is 00:41:11 of a dinosaur mate. These aren't dinosaurs, that's a giant ground sloth. I know. We don't for the drink. That giant ground sloth is humping that trunk. He is, he's fucking grinding it like a pole dancer making sweet dirty money. Are these megafauna? These are all megafauna, mammals. And there's that Dappliadopolis there. These are some of the biggest mammals to ever walk the earth. Mate, come on, we need to... I'm more interested in the paleontology around here. Yeah, but he wants a picture of every dinosaur and we haven't found one yet. Wait, Crystal Palestine?

Starting point is 00:41:55 Oh, we're nowhere near it. We've got to go back. We've got to go back the other way. We've gone the wrong way. Really? Yeah, we've got to go back and round. We can't get round there, no. Because basically it's the island just there.

Starting point is 00:42:07 It's like a whole archipelago of different prehistoric creatures. We're here. And we need to go. Oh, you fucker. We need to go from here, around there, and then there. So we've just got to go around this little rivulet there. So we walk past it.

Starting point is 00:42:21 That's going to eat into our time. Well. One hour. Really? One hour left. We've only done one thing and we've just spent a third of the time. This is never going to work. It is. We've got to, otherwise there'll be deaths and lives at stake. I'm going to go up here in case we can see a dinosaur up here. No, it's there. You're going the wrong way. I'm looking up here. Hang on.

Starting point is 00:42:49 He's going the wrong way. There's a path hill way. Let's see what I can find. You can hear some geese. There's some kids. Descended from dinosaur of course. I think I might have fucked this. Still dinosaur. But we're all fish. Where are the dinosaurs at?

Starting point is 00:43:10 Lovely little landscape. Where are the dinosaurs at? Water. Features down here. Pond. This is where I would come to eat my way. I don't know what he's doing. Top of this hill somewhere. He's fucking saying nothing right now. Top of this hill somewhere. Why can't I find the dinosaurs? Where am I? Right. I'm coming round a bend here. Looks like they're doing some work. And there are the stairs down from where he's been.

Starting point is 00:43:46 Gotta go this way. Eli! Where is he? Eli! I can't see any dinosaurs either. Let me... Oh we're back where we started. Where is he? We're back where we started. Where is he? We're back at the sign where we started. I'm going to check the map. City mapping.

Starting point is 00:44:10 Oh no. He's going to fucking toss this off because he can't be so hot. Tell me a walking route. Eli! Right, so the dinosaurs. Crystal. Right, I'm going to call him. Alice. Park. Crystal... right I'm gonna call him. Alice... Park... Right, where is he?

Starting point is 00:44:28 Dinosaurs... Where is he? Oh he's calling me now. Where are you? I'm down where we started. Come back where I was. I found the dinosaurs, they're right over the hill. Yeah, okay, I'm coming up the hill.

Starting point is 00:44:41 So come up that little hill and then... I'm coming up the hill. All right, come up the hill. Yes. All right, quick. I'm coming back to you. I'm here, I won coming up the hill. So come up that little hill and then... I'm coming up the hill. All right, come up the hill. Yes. All right, quick. I'm coming back to you. I'm here, I won't move. What?

Starting point is 00:44:49 You'll see me. I'm coming back. Okay. Come back to that stone bridge and you'll find me, easy. All right, see you in a bit. Right, so that's gonna eat into time. Right, cause I've gotta... Where is it?

Starting point is 00:45:03 We've gotta go... In is it? We've got to go... In the little wooded bit now. Well that makes no fucking sense. Really, am I going down that way? I'm retracing my steps here, but on the hillside. I'm going to go back up the hill. Apparently he's found the dinosaurs everybody. What did he do? This shouldn't be this fucking hard. They're dinosaurs.

Starting point is 00:45:23 They're dinosaurs, they're big, they're big dinosaurs. Pigeons. Where are you? I'm on top of this. Where is he? It feels like an embankment. This way. Where? Up and over and down across the bridge and then we're there. This is where we are. We need to go this way. I might have unnecessarily ran up a hill

Starting point is 00:46:19 basically it's just down that way Oh there's a bridge, yeah. Right, okay and there it's... Is this Dinosaur Lake? Well, looks a bit dried up. Ooh, limestone and coal measures cliff. We can go across these bridge here. Oh they built strata to demonstrate. Did they? Geological time yeah. They made a fake. Oh is that what this is? This fake wall thing of? It's a strata. I love a good strata. It's a fake strata. I'm across this bridge. That must be... Oh,

Starting point is 00:47:06 I can see a dinosaur! Where? Where? On the left. There! That's it, I'll take a picture of that and that'll be good. We'll take on this bench and have a... They've got a bench. Yeah, I'll take a picture. Oh, look at these! They are great. They're T-Rex or something. I love these. Oh, it's... Mum! Mum! I just called you mum! Mum, we can sit on this bench. Yeah, Mum. I'll take a picture and send it to him. Yeah, Dad. And he'll send us the code. Cool.

Starting point is 00:47:28 OK, one sec. I'll get the buzz ball out. Get it. Fight, yeah. Right. OK, and I'll take a picture of this one. Oh, this is good. That one on the left.

Starting point is 00:47:40 Get that one, because that's the thumb on it. I've already got it. Bosh. Has he got a spike on his thumb, get that one because that's the thumb on it. Bosch. Has he got a spike on his thumb or they took it off? No, they have a little horn on the thumb. That's about it. Right, oh, okay. He sent me the next riddle. Where's the bomb? The buzz ball bomb? It's right there. Get it out and I'll get the riddle. I find that fascinating because it was... Oh you know what Paul...

Starting point is 00:48:10 We haven't got time to smell the roses. We haven't got time to smell the roses mate, we're on the clock. I have to talk to you about something. What? It's to do with your area of expertise. Rimming. Shall we go for the next one that's going to be even less first quenching than the last one? Or do you want to do a first quenching one now? I don't know what everyone is left here. Is there everyone Simon has left here?

Starting point is 00:48:33 Yes, say what Simon has left here. Simon Harry. Alright. Choc Teas. Oh God, alright fine. Choc Teas. Here's the puzzle to this all right. George said, George could see the finish line at...

Starting point is 00:48:48 Start again. George could see that the finish line was near and with a burst of speed he passed the others and won the race by several feet. Although first prize was a £1000 and a beautiful glass trophy, George never received either. Since George didn't test positive for any drugs and he wasn't disqualified, why didn't he receive the money and the trophy? Because George was

Starting point is 00:49:08 the pace setter. What does that mean? Someone that you send out. No, is the answer to that. Okay, read me the question again. George could see the finish line was near and with a burst of speed he overtook the others and won the race by several feet. He won it? Yeah, the prize was a £1000 and a beautiful glass trophy but he didn't receive either. Although he didn't test positive for drugs and wasn't disqualified, why didn't he receive the awards? Heart attack?

Starting point is 00:49:38 No. Well, he wouldn't have got the trophy if he'd died. No he wouldn't if you're right, well observed. Well, so there you go, so I've solved it. But that's not the answer on the clue. You're going to have a clue, he wasn't the got the trophy if he'd died. No, he wouldn't if you're right. Well observed. So there you go. So I've solved it. But that's not the answer on the... You have a clue. He wasn't the pacemaker. Was he human? Is George human? Well, was he human? Was he human?

Starting point is 00:49:51 He's a rabbit. No. He's a turtle. Think of an animal that might actually win a race. A rabbit? Yeah, yes. How many rabbit races do BBC sports show? There's rabbit 100 metres on Sunday.

Starting point is 00:50:04 There's one man in his rabbit. What animal was George? A parrot. There's no such thing as a parrot race. Think of a normal animal. A dog. He was a dog. Close but not a greyhound. Name another popular animal that you would race. A horse. Thank you. George was a fucking horse. Now we can defuse the bomb. Oh fuck off. Right, let's get your drink out, I'm gonna defuse this. This is Choc Teas. What does that fucking mean? A tasty mix of vodka cream and natural flavours. Tasty chocolate cocktail with vodka cream and natural flavours. It can't be as bad as the Pina Colada. I can't get it open, I've got no nails. I have no mouth and yet I will scream.

Starting point is 00:50:47 Let's have a niff report. Niff report on bomb number two. Chocolatey? Yeah, it smells like Baileys, but like budget Baileys. Yeah, but it's not as disagreeable on the nose. It's still quite... Not as the last one. It's still got quite a strong ethanol.

Starting point is 00:51:02 I guess it is quite boozy. Yeah, because it's 13% nasty. 13% nasty. 13% nasty. You're 100% nasty. Oh yeah, baby. Now that dinosaur famously had a big pointy claw, thumb claw. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:17 Which they found out in later years, from more advanced paleontology, was actually the nose horn of a guanodon. Cool. Oh you can see a bit more in this one that's good in it. Yeah it's perfectly right let's down these and move on to our next. I'm not downing it I'm sipping it. I don't give a shit he can blow all the cunts up. I can't be blamed neither could John McClane in the film really you know what I mean. Yeah but a man with a nice moral code would do what he can to save lives, he was bombed in a school and no one knew what school it was in. I like that one. It's more palatable than the last. It's definitely like a, it's like a market stall Baileys. Yeah it is, it's

Starting point is 00:52:00 Poundland Baileys. Yeah but Baileys is Poundland Baileys, Yeah but Baileys is Poundland. B&M. You know Baileys is Poundland Baileys. Yeah it's true. It's not an expensive drink Baileys. No. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's quite nice. Very sweet, not very chocolatey.

Starting point is 00:52:17 Oh have you got any wet wipes? Nope. I've got sticky fingers. Yeah. Right, I've sent him a picture of us diffusing the bomb. He's going to give us the next... Fuzzball. The next one. The next puzzle. Right, here's clue number two. We've got fucking 50 minutes left. It's not going to happen. Oh no, this is our third one actually. Yeah. Okay, far away from the Sphinx, conspiracies of portal surround her. A painted face, a hole in her back, the wind carries her voice.

Starting point is 00:52:51 What do you think that might be? Face away from the Sphinx. Right, there's a Sphinx, so... Conspiracies of portal surround her. A painted face, a hole in her back, the wind carries her voice. Wooo! Pigeon bastards. Now I have got a proper good sweat on in the crotch. Time portal conspiracy theories, Crystal Palace Park.

Starting point is 00:53:15 Oh, what have you got, what have you found? Well Crystal Palace Park doesn't have widely known official or mainstream time portal conspiracy theories. It does have a history in time with legends, myths and a few unusual occurrences here we go that have fueled speculation and imagination blah blah blah it's not that one, it's not that one dinosaurs

Starting point is 00:53:34 it's not that one symbolism, spiritual significance unexplained events how about you type in lady crystal palace? Lady hole. Lady hole crystal palace. Type in lady hole crystal palace. See if that helps you.

Starting point is 00:53:57 Here's the clue again. Face away from the Sphinx, conspiracies of portals surround her. A painted face, a hole in the back, the wind carries it... The hollow lady! Yes, it's the hollow lady. Does she whistle in a hole in the back, the wind carries her... The Hollow Lady! Yes, it's the Hollow Lady! Does she whistle in the wind? Whistle in the wind like a brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Get involved! I'm getting involved! Give me that ball! There's children over there, stop swearing. Have I ever said anything in 30 seconds and you're bellowing like

Starting point is 00:54:30 fucking David Bellamy on crack. So could you please, you know what I'm gonna tell you where the Hollow Lady is because you are just a waste of my fucking time. The Hollow Lady. Does she whistle in the wind as she works? Palace. Can you, can we plug up the hole in this with our manchard? Directions. Can my manchards fill up the hole of the lady? You know what, as we drink these buzz balls this is going to get worse and worse. Because I'm starting to lose the will to even fucking do anything. We've got to go back the way we came. We're basically going back to where the transmitter was. Okay, give me a sec. But we're booked to the left of it. Alright, so straight back the way we came. All right. We're basically going back to where the transmitter was. OK, give me a second.

Starting point is 00:55:05 But to the left of it. All right, so straight back the way we came. Basically, yeah. So we can get a wiggle on. Because I know the next one isn't going to be as far a distance between that and the front. It'll be closer to that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:15 How do you know? You are Simon. You are Simon. Come on, boys. We're halfway through if we get there in the next 10 minutes, which is possible. All right? There's your thing. Oh, on a bench by Bill Sirrett, 1934 to 2015.

Starting point is 00:55:31 Loved and missed by his family and friends. Bill Sirrett, bless you. Right, so what's the quickest way there then? Where are we? Hopefully moving forward the buzz balls will be more refreshing unless I go for the espresso martini. It's there so let's get directions. What does it say the walkers? That way. How long? 12 minutes. I've got a sticky hand. Yeah I don't have any wet wipes mate. I don't have any wipes full stop. Try wipe. Oh look there's a Mosasaur thing. A what? A Mosasaur, like a Loch Ness

Starting point is 00:56:14 monster thing. Oh I? Oh yeah a Plasiosaurus or something innit. Right come on. We can do this in ten if we get a wiggle on. Which he doesn't, honestly. This man, I'm going to do it in a minute, this man wants to do a Sportsday episode and yet look at him, dragging his feet like Bobby Hobbit. Look at that dinosaur over there, yellow necked metal beast. That's a piece of equipment. Look they've got one of the old dinosaur stone heads. I love that. Can I just get a quick shot of that? Hurry up then, because honestly mate, we're on the clock. I would like us to give a fuck about my conceit and the effort I put into this week's episode, such as it is. There's a college here. Apple Manor College. Yeah yeah yeah. Palis park. Christ really fuck me. We're winding our way back. Right. It's the Hollow Lady. So where are we? We are here and we've got to go...

Starting point is 00:57:49 Yeah, up this road and then straight on till sunset. Right, we're 11 minutes away mate. Come on! Yeah? This is the pace I'm going. Why? I've got a hurty back. Mate, you are... You're in such a bad health condition. Here we go.

Starting point is 00:58:16 Okay, but... I hurt my back playing frisbee. Do you do regular exercise like that, Paul? No you don't. So fucking shut up. Mate, you throwing frisbee as you're standing alone in the park, tossing it in the air and grabbing it. No with my friend. Yeah your imaginary friend. Who I play sports with. Imaginary friend. You've got any friends you play sports with Paul? No. So shut up with the health tip you dickhead. I will fucking own you. Here we go. And yet every single time we do anything that exerts any kind of exercise on these

Starting point is 00:58:45 things you literally drag your feet like a child. No I do not. Who wants a fucking sports day fucking mug from his mother. I will fucking own you. You say that but you've never given me any fucking press ups. You couldn't even do 10 press ups. That doesn't mean anything. What does it mean what? That's not a test of physical ability to do press ups then. Is that what you're denying? What I'm saying is right now, doing ten press ups after we've already done this fucking walk is a little bit... I'll do them.

Starting point is 00:59:11 Fine, go on. Come on, we'll do ten press ups. I'm not doing it. I tell you what. No, you're not doing it. Why? I'll do ten press ups if you can do the rest of this thing in the next hour. I don't think I'm going to be able to do it.

Starting point is 00:59:20 Well there you go. Shows that I'm wrong and you're wrong then, doesn't it? No, I just want to challenge you to do press ups. No, well you just have to... You can't do them. so don't attack my health. Lazy bollocks. It's the same every time, you have this fevered imagination version of yourself that is unfallible. Not infallible, I'm just not in that bad physical condition.

Starting point is 00:59:39 Yeah, but you're worse than you put out. Where are we? Right, we're not too far away once we get past the train station and all the rubble and fire. It's about a few minutes. Yeah, Christ. All the police are there. Are you out of breath a bit there? What? Are you a little bit out of breath are you? No. My problem was trying to breathe and do a long sentence at the same time. Right. Like this hollow lady. We're going to find out, aren't we?

Starting point is 01:00:09 Basically, from what I understand, it is a statue that was put up a long time ago. And why does it whistle? Well, because someone took its head off years ago. Oh, no one knows why. No one's even sure who put it up there. And it has this weird hollow hole in its back. And when the wind passes through it, it sounds spooky. And every now and then someone comes along and puts a weird spooky head on the top of it.

Starting point is 01:00:33 Right. Cool. And some people, and by some people I mean not well people, believe it's a portal to the next world. Or one of the many portals in London. Apparently. it's a portal to the next world or one of the many portals in London apparently but it's not an official landmark in the park so to speak I mean there's I don't know if it's on any maps but basically if you want facts about this area then it's going to be on one of those when you say no one know who's put it there or why do they think it was put there?

Starting point is 01:01:05 There's no records basically. Yeah, but it must have been put by people who were making the parks. Yeah, you'd think so, but over time with things collapsing and breaking and rebuilding, it's like, who knows who slapped it up there and then forgot about it and didn't record the whole issue. Right. Five minutes away. We can probably see it soon.

Starting point is 01:01:30 Where are we on the clock? 42 minutes. It's not going to happen. I think we've got to go in here. Walking past Canada gates. I think it's just up here. I'm going to turn left in a minute love, can't see it. It's saying we can get it from outside the park and come back in again. Yeah, so let's do that. Otherwise we've got to go all the way up to those steps and over and that's just going to eat into the time.

Starting point is 01:02:11 But I think it's just up there on that ridge. Oh, it's a car boot sale. Is it on now? No, when is it? Every Wednesday and Saturday, Crystal Palace Boot. Antiques, vintage, retro, mid-century, and contemporary, between 7 and mid-day. Well, we've been talking about it for a long time,

Starting point is 01:02:33 doing it on the pod, mate. That's true. That's true. Probably be easier one up near where ours is your way, though. I don't know of any many up my way. There must be some in here. You're right, there must be. I just don't know of any. Pen my way. There must be some in here. You're right, there must be, I just don't know of any.

Starting point is 01:02:47 Penj, that's an actual place in London. Yeah. Is that why it's called Stone Penj then, you think? I think it might be a little bit of a punny thing. Stone near Penj. Right, okay. There's some breeze. Okay.

Starting point is 01:03:02 This is welcome. Two minutes. Oh Oh this isn't, he's fucked this. Okay. Re-entering the park. Yeah yeah yeah we got it. Up the hill. We got it. Oh, okay. Honestly, I'm the only one who wants to make this happen. Is that it there? Yeah, fuck it. There, I see her. There she is. Let's just have it under her.

Starting point is 01:03:48 Rather than go round. But why don't we send the picture of it to Simon, he's happy. So let's not go round. Is that really? Or is that just Paul being a little bit tired? No, that's me going, let's keep the stakes of this conceit up. Because you've got 40 minutes left. I see that there's some sphinxes. Is that her? But there seems to be... I don't think that's her. It is because she's got a

Starting point is 01:04:09 painted face now. But there's something similar along further along. You see that? It's not that one. Okay. It's definitely this one because I think it's got the painted face on. Yeah it is in fact. Oh shit. We're to the east of the radio tower. When you do some... Oh shut up. I've closed that down now bollocks dear. Just 10 meters further along is the Hollow Lady. I don't think that's the Hollow Lady. It is. The picture matches the website. I just double checked it. What's her face though? It's painted face like I said. Oh I can't get the angle here.

Starting point is 01:04:51 What's he got a robot head on? Yeah. Cool. Right this will do. Oh look I've sent the message and his drones come. There's the next bomb. Get it out of your, I've sent the message and his drone's come. Zzz just take five minutes because I'm gonna vomit. We haven't got five minutes we're on the clock. You said you were good for this. Right. Bill and Ben were playing tennis. They're the flower pot men. Yes Bill and Ben were playing tennis on the club's only clay court. They played a total of five sets with each of the winning three of the five sets. Oh no you know I'm getting confused now I'm starting to look up clay tennis court on the...

Starting point is 01:05:48 No, this is the thing. Right, listen to it again. Bill and Ben were playing tennis on their club's only clay court. They played a total of five sets, each of them winning three out of the five sets. How is this possible? How is it possible that they both won three out of the five sets? That would be six sets won. How is it possible that they both won three out of the five sets? That would be six sets won.

Starting point is 01:06:06 Now they played a total of five sets with each of them winning three of the five sets. They were in doubles teams. Bang, spot on. Open up the next one. This is what, number three? Can we have something a bit more refreshing? I'm going to save the... Whatever Simon's dropped on his drone. I don't know what he's done. Oh God there's nothing refreshing in it. Wow look at the sweat on me. I've got tummy sweat, pit sweat, back

Starting point is 01:06:33 sweat. Back sweat to the future. Poor star Martini, that's about the most refreshing one we've got. That will do, stick it in. The quicker we drink it the quicker we can move on. Oh hang on he sent me the puzzle next already oh can I have a picture of it with you that one there we go sorry these buzz balls I did a bit of research and it says on it women owned so they are feminist alko pops 35 minutes we're not gonna do this right okay next puzzle just get in touch with Simon asking if we can have a little bit of extra time we're doing so well so far. Let's see what happens when we get to... I'll ask him when we get to the scape...

Starting point is 01:07:09 Next part. Fuck. Clue. A bowl but not for food sees more pigeons than hawks. 1977, it earns its medals. A place to travel as if on ice. A skate park. Is correct. Is there a skate park? There is a skate park here.

Starting point is 01:07:23 Ah, man. Yeah. More pigeons than hawks, as in... skate park is correct it's a skate park there was a skate park here man yeah more pigeons and Hawks as in Tony Hawks the skateboarder okay see what I mean I did there I mean that Simon did there in 1977 it was one of the places where people won the first skateboard award or something like that has a yeah it's quite a famous late 70s with the height of the skateboard boom yeah and then there was another one in there with the extreme sports in the 90s, I guess. Yeah, we've got 36 minutes. It's not going to happen.

Starting point is 01:07:51 Get that porn-style martini down here. Is that better? A bit better. Sweet? Yeah. Getting any passion fruit? Tangy, but they've all got the same ethanol-y... Yeah, I mean, there has to be some heat from the ethanol because it's 13.5%. Recording again, good for that. Nasty pasty. I mean

Starting point is 01:08:17 it's the fruitiest of them all so far. The problem I'm having is that I'm getting the remnants of the last two buzz balls in my eye. Remnants, sticky remnants. So I'm getting a little bit of collada coming in. It's sickly. Yes, they're very female coded, these, aren't they? Whatever that means. Well, they're made by women. And whenever you see people drinking these on public transport in London,

Starting point is 01:08:42 it's always young women of colour, it's who I see drinking these buzz public transport in London is always young young women of color it's who I see drinking these buzz bombs on buses you know that's the Palace skate park I'm not listening to you why don't you listen it's a 15 minute walk from us in this direction fuck that fuck him although that's if we just go by the path if we cut across let's cut across literally direct diagonal past that big block of flats we'll find it we were there by the path if we cut across. Let's cut across. Literally diagonal past that big block of flats, we'll find it. We were there at the foot of that block before, weren't we?

Starting point is 01:09:09 Which is weird to have a block of flats almost right in the middle of the park. I don't think anyone lives in it though. It looks quite abandoned now. It does look though, doesn't it? Well, it's not very convenient for anyone, is it? Not really. You have to walk out of the park to get to the shops.

Starting point is 01:09:21 Go on, get going. Hang on, I haven't finished this. Down it, down it. Give it to me, I'm putting it in the bag. Finish it. I finished it. I've already bottled it down. Closh, closh, bish, bosh. You didn't, you just threw away half a sip. Mate, the camera will prove it. I'm filming the whole show as we go. Why are you doing that then? To get the flits out so it doesn't leak in your bag. The flits and drips of it out so it doesn't get in your bag. Drips is the word you want. Yeah but

Starting point is 01:09:43 flips is nice, get a few flits out. Flits across her tits. Right across her. Dirty, dirty, dirty melons. Right. Come on. Hang on one sec. We haven't got time to hang on one sec.

Starting point is 01:09:56 I failed. You haven't failed. I failed. I've already failed. You haven't. Come on. This is a real time episode as well. You know?

Starting point is 01:10:12 Real time episode. People are on the edge of their seats listening. Not going to be on the edge of their seats if you're like, ah, fuck it, fuck them. Just ask for another half an hour. Which you're going to have to do anyway to make this work. Well then it's fine then, we've got time, don't we? No, we don't, come on. I would like, I'll listen to you,

Starting point is 01:10:28 on the edge of their fucking seats, listening to this. They're never gonna be on the edge of their seat. No, not if this fatty McSit down fucking sits down all the time. They're probably on the edge of coming. I'm ready to go, you see me, I'm fucking full of energy and you're like, can I have five minutes?

Starting point is 01:10:41 I'll destroy you in a fucking sports day. Oh God, you're such an idiot. Destroy you, embarrass you. You're not, you're such an idiot. Embarrass you. You're not. I'm gonna absolutely embarrass you. At the moment you probably could win because I've got a bad back. I've got a bad back. The lack of sympathy. I've got a bad back. Yeah but it hasn't been playing up has it? Yes it has. Has it? Yeah. You know what I like doing? I just don't over share. You know what I've found? I know you say you like a bath. A bath does help me yes. I find if I get the hot on in the shower and I bend over and I sort of put the shower so it's hitting that spot that hurts in my back.

Starting point is 01:11:09 Oh really? Yeah. It's a muscular thing. My shower's shit though with absolutely no pressure. It's one of those taps you turn and it comes out of a fucking shitty spout. Yeah, like an attachment like most people in Britain. Yeah. No, I've got one of those as well.

Starting point is 01:11:22 No, but there's no pressure to it basically though. Yeah, but I think that pressure to it basically though. But I think that's more to do with the pressure when you force it than the... Well yeah exactly, because you have to put a special bong hole in the pipe to narrow the... To make it, the pressure higher. Pressure. You haven't got the bong hole thing? No I do.

Starting point is 01:11:40 You can only put so many in and then you just can't use it. Oh I see. So you can get the tightest, you know, rubber washer. The tightest bunghole. You get the tightest bunghole, mate. You have to push your thumb in it. You feeling those buzz balls at all? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:53 But I'm also very aware that I might be sweating out the alcoholic effect. And I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what, mate. You know people say they're often hounded by the black dog when it comes to depression. Yes. Can I just say right now I'm hounded by the brown dog. Do you know what I mean? There's a great big fucking Labrador. German Shepherd.

Starting point is 01:12:17 German Shepherd growler. Banging on my cat flap. Oh mate. It feels like every time I walk I'm chewing on it. Anyway, here's a man in a truck with a helmet on. It's exciting isn't it? We're back here again. We've been to the thing. Should have just made this simple and not so much distance between the two locations, but here we go. That way! Back down these fucking steps again. She looks like an ex-girlfriend.

Starting point is 01:12:56 Right. Here we go. Brown flags ahead of us. Don't know if anyone lives there maybe they do I bet we have to come up these steps for the last one no mate spoilers we're done in this area we're done in this area going up and down these fucking steps yeah yeah but this is definitely going to halve our travel time by going across these This is like the centre of the park these steps. What a great park. And it's not really busy it feels like it's sort of underused almost you know. Well I guess it's not a very popular part of London comparatively you know.

Starting point is 01:13:33 Comparatively yeah. Like to Regents Park or Hampstead Heath which is always teeming. Always but then it's local in terms of like it's in the centre right so you kind of have to go out of your way or live Locally to get down here. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, so Benefits us because look how lovely it's lovely. Yeah, okay. Hello. The grass is very dry here. Well, it's been a heat wave mate. Yes I'm also aware of that coming up to this block of flats Strangely planted in the middle right the park and the skate park is behind it somewhere. I think we can't go directly through so we might need to just dip around this path here.

Starting point is 01:14:12 Let's stick on this path and go round. Let's see if we can cross cut. Yeah, because this might help take some time off the clock. If we cut across yeah. I'm going to text Simon now. Hang on one sec. Simon, I'm just texting it. If we get to here soon, can we have an extra half an hour? Why are you speaking out loud as you text?

Starting point is 01:14:33 Because it's an audio podcast, isn't it? What do you want me to fucking do? In fear via the thumb tapping sounds? I reckon we're going to win another award, our podcast, Paul, you know that? What, for most attractive? Most accurate depiction of telecommunications technology No, we're gonna win a podcast the most thrilling audio adventure. Oh, is that a pint of milk?

Starting point is 01:14:52 I thought it was a pint of milk. No, it's a sign isn't it? Looks like someone's it down the fence here had this idea before a little Milky Woo. I'm gonna yov. You're not gonna yob. We yob. Funny isn't it? Oh it's nice and... here we go. Straight through round here. Oh there's a swing there. Swing! Oh he just looked at me. Oh dear. I said it too loud and now he looked at me. Has he got a dog on his swing? Maybe he's going to hang his dog. Oh no his dog's using the swing.

Starting point is 01:15:30 He's going to hang his dog. It looks like he's hanging his dog. It looks like he's hanging his dog. It does, it looks like he's hanging his dog. I know the dog's biking on it but at the same time it looks like he's hanging his dog in the park. Yeah it does look like he's lynching his dog. He's not though everyone. He's not though, everyone.

Starting point is 01:15:46 He's not though, everyone. Let's just make that clear. But it does look like there is dog murder going on over there. Where is it? Still straight ahead? Straight ahead, almost, literally. Well, that cut-through worked. Yeah, because it says it was like 15 minutes to use the path. And there's going to be a little lake here, and at the tip of the lake,

Starting point is 01:16:04 we've got a bingo zingo. This is like a different area of the park, it's more hill and dale. Yeah, a bit more leafy. More leafy, more shade around here, nice. Still see the sports centre over there. Closed down to one fucking thing I shouldn't have closed down. Right still see the sports center over there close to this sports center. Right three buzz balls to go. Right, okay. Here's a little copse of beaches.

Starting point is 01:16:36 Or ash they might be. Twenty five, twenty six minutes. We might we might do this. I don't think so. We might do this. this? I don't think so. We might do this. At least I'd like him to be able to do this because it's thrilling isn't it and people listening go well they fucked the first 45 minutes. What's that big rusty thing? I'll tell you about it later nudge nudge notey notey bong bongs. I think that's gonna be one of the other clues. It did look like he was hanging his dog though. Corten steel, rusty steel, total structure. Chaffed time, oh god. The analogy of it being sandpaper is overused.

Starting point is 01:17:27 That's fucking accurate. Right, where are we? Back on the path. There's one thing I fucking hate about Google shit. What? It's all the pointless, hey I'm here to help, do you want this? No you're cluttering my screen. Hey what about this?

Starting point is 01:17:49 No you're cluttering my screen. What are you trying to say, go to McDonalds or something? No it's like hey this map will put us AI blah blah blah functionality. It's on every app, it's on every platform now. They're just giving us the AI assistant we don't want. And it's also, it's pointless AI, you know? I don't know, I found the search, it can be quite useful because it does, it summarizes.

Starting point is 01:18:13 What? Certain voice searches I've found have become more accurate because it knows what you're going on about. It can infer more. Yeah. But that's the problem though, isn't it? When it infers you're not going to get accuracy. It's not perfect, yes you're right there's a payoff but I've just found certain things it's quite useful for. The kind of nonsense that I check the internet for you know. Little

Starting point is 01:18:37 factoid disputes. No, AI for that kind of stuff, I get it. Yeah. But when AI starts replacing things that humans should do freely of their own autonomy but even calling that AI it's just like a it's like word prediction it's just you know dog shit no it's when it takes people jobs yeah when it just removes people from a pipeline of words and makes all imagery this sort of sloppy crap you know I think it's down here there's a dale

Starting point is 01:19:04 yeah it's just here. There's a dale. Yeah it's just here. Quick I'll send them a picture. I can see the skate park. Here we go, we're done, we're sorted, we're here. Excellent. Sorry for the bumpy bumpy and the windy windy. But this is a real time thrilling adventure. Round the corner from that. Look at this, here we go, I'm going to send them a picture now. That's on the other side of that. Okay. I'm glad for this wind though. Hey, here we go. Brilliant, let's sit down here. Yeah, let's get out of the wind a little bit if we can. Can we? It's picked up a lot just now, isn't it?

Starting point is 01:19:45 It's picked up a little bit, yeah. But fuck it, this will do. Oh, man, if I had my skates, I'd love to go on that. I was going to tell you, but I thought you might have spoiled the game. No, also, I have to schlep them all down here. Oh, that's true. And what with my back?

Starting point is 01:19:59 It's not a great moment for it. Right. He's sending the drone now with a puzzle. With the buzz bomb on it? Right. Alright, it's the longer one for this puzzle. Alright, okay, I'm ready. It's a murder mystery.

Starting point is 01:20:10 Crime mystery. Every fall, it's an American game. Every autumn? Every autumn, the sole ace hotel saw the pilgrim, sorry, saw the pilgrimage of the blue hair society in their quest to watch the leaves change colour. Okay. These old ladies counted their nickels and drank dangerously large quantities of tea, but otherwise were no trouble at all, except for this year.

Starting point is 01:20:36 One of their number was a dirty fief. Hotel rooms were invaded, wallets, purses and dentures even stolen. The sole ace called the detective Mr Mr. Shadow the sole ace the sole ace club I don't know why they're called that they just called the sole ace club. The blue hair club. Yeah, it's a bunch of old ladies. Okay Anyway, the detective shadow ordered dinner in a room. That's his name. What mr. Shadow. Yes I'm not can't defend these cards. We're just reading them out I like it though when I have a go and you get really exasperated. Well, you're sitting down and I can kick you in the bollocks really easy for this position.

Starting point is 01:21:10 But if you actually did that, that would be... Over for the podcast. That would be grievous to the body of your heart. Yes, and... And call the police, the real police. Not this, not Shadow, Detective Shadow, Detective DJ Shadow. Would you like Detective Big Cock in your mouth if you don't shut up right now? What, you now, you'd also do that?

Starting point is 01:21:26 Yeah. The amount of toxic masculinity that you just hide behind on this podcast is fucking unbelievable. Stop threatening me! Detective Shadow booked a room and ordered dinner where he could devise his plan to capture in solitude. At first it seemed to be a mistake. What did? his plan to capture in solitude. At first it seemed to be a mistake. He sat in his room and then first came in the maid to deliver some fresh towels. He came in the maid?

Starting point is 01:21:54 Then a newlywed couple locked in an embrace. Fucking hell everyone's getting involved. Accidentally came into his room before making an apologetic departure. Fucking him coming everywhere. Then an old lady knocked an entrance. An old lady, I can't hear this anymore. And then apologized when she saw that it was Detective Shadow's room and not hers.

Starting point is 01:22:09 Then room service knocked on the door, bringing Shadow his dinner. OK. Halfway through his dinner, he suddenly realized who the prime suspect was. Who was it? Now, why you were barking hysterically all the way through that door?

Starting point is 01:22:22 It was funny when he came in the maid, then a couple come in. He didn't come in the maid. No one came in the maid. Then in came the maid, it says. No hysterically all the way through that door? It was funny when he came in the maid, then a couple comes in. He didn't come in the maid, no one came in a maid. Then in came the maid, it says. No one came in a maid. Dr. Shadow sat in his room, ordered dinner, and a maid came in to deliver fresh towels, then an accidentally newlywed couple fell into the room. An accidentally?

Starting point is 01:22:40 A newlywed couple accidentally came into the room, apologised and left, then there was a knock at the door and a lady popped her head around, then apologised when she said it, when she realised it wasn't her room. And then the maid came in again with a meal. At that point, Shadow realised who the prime suspect was. Who was the prime suspect from those people? Dementia. No.

Starting point is 01:22:58 Who was the prime suspect from the people I just read out? Those three. Four. Those four. The maid with the fresh towels, the old lady, the newlywed couple and the other maid with the dinner. One of those is the old lady. Why though? You can't just say old lady. Why did she? What is it? What's the show? Let me read it again. Next an elderly lady knocked and entered and then apologized when she saw it was Shadow's room and not hers.

Starting point is 01:23:27 Come on. Yeah, well he just, he, she'd know it was, she'd know it wasn't her room. Yeah, why would she knock before she came in? Ah. There you go. Open the bomb, we're alright. Next one, this is the fourth. Two more to go. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:43 Just check we're still recording. Is there a calf up there? I need water real go. Yeah. Just check we're still recording. There's a calf up there. I need water real bad. Right. I'm gonna drink the ice water off this. Where are we on the clock? 18 minutes. Mate, we could do this if we're quick. Alright, come on. You can't down it then. Get the next bomb out. The next buzz bomb. Buzz ball bomb. The fourth, right? Buzz ball the fourth. It was funny when I thought they were all having an orgy though. Yes no it was funny mate. It was very funny. You're a very funny man.

Starting point is 01:24:13 Strawberry Rita. Lovely Rita meter mate. Lovely dirty Rita. She's got some sweaty feet. I'll give her some of my meter and then I'll Come in it. Yeah In Peter Is Peter getting involved Peter is his brother and he's a dirty bastard And he wants a bit of his sister's action and I'll give him it right next one Yeah, we got just under 18 minutes before the down. You have to down this no fucking cheating all right watch this Well, I mean I'm cheating anyway so far I've got a whole show don't cheat watch this then I want every last drop I want every last drop every Tom Tom bollocks boy here we go watch this oh no I'm not drinking it cuz he guys

Starting point is 01:24:57 look down and you'll complain about it here we go He's got, he's done every last drop everyone. I think one last drop. That is horrible. Is that the worst yet? Oh god he might vomit. No I'm not going to vomit but that is, that feels like I've just, like, washed it up liquid. Really? It's very strawberry but it's also very soapy. Oh god, that is horrid.

Starting point is 01:25:30 Mate, he's so salty. Oh no, that's got a kind of a melted ice lolly at the end. A little bit but it's still kind of like... No, that's okay. I know it's very chemically but for me that kind of, it's less, you know the worst still for me was... The aftertaste is alright. Do you know what I mean? The know I mean the aftertaste yeah something in the middle which like just reeks of fairy liquid yeah yeah yeah no you're right there's soap and I'm getting

Starting point is 01:25:50 soapy note I'm getting it now I'm getting a soapy note do you know I found discovered sorrel sorrel what did you say? Sorrel is they drink it in Jamaica it's like sorrel you remember they have sorrel sodas and I said there's Red Stripe with sorrel in right it's actually hibiscus. You've heard of hibiscus. It's the same thing. I will have heard of hibiscus. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:08 Right, here's your next clue. A black marble beast exists in the mist. It's a statue of Panther. Wyn's pet since 1961. Who's pet? Wyn's pet. W-Y-N-N-E-S. Wyn's pet since 1961.

Starting point is 01:26:21 Oh, that's like the Wyn casino in Vegas. It's nothing to do with that. The Sphinx. No. Died 1978 over a toothache, now immortalized here and in bronze over there. Died over a toothache. A black marble beast that exists in the mist.

Starting point is 01:26:38 Wins Pet since... Gorilla's in the mist. All right. Gorilla. All right, so is there a gorilla here? Okay, it's another paleontology thing, isn't it? Have a look for a Crystal Park gorilla Is there a Darwin statue or something like that? Look it up mate, you're the problem solver

Starting point is 01:26:50 Simon doesn't want you to er... Simon's gone now Simon has got his drone There's a drone I liked it when you came in the maid I want a deer and all that While you look it up I'll talk about doing it in the maid I want to do you more that. Why are you looking up? I'll talk about doing it in a minute. No I'm looking it up. She's like yeah sir would you like to plough your pillows? Yeah but can an old lady get involved? Can an old lady get involved? All of them come in. All the old ladies! Bosh and nosh until my tosh goes This is what we should have done today.

Starting point is 01:27:25 Muffling the muffle out of it. Buff, buff. Come at everybody, it's time to nosh. Till my knob goes splosh. Come on, that was one of your best moments. Thank you. But come on, we've got a thing to find, do it. Crystal Park, P...

Starting point is 01:27:39 Crystal... Fucking hell. Crystal Pris... Prost... Prost... Prost... Fuck. Crystal Park... fuck! You kept saying Crystal Park, that's why I'm doing it. Crystal Palace Park.

Starting point is 01:27:49 Yeah. Crystal Palace Park Gorilla Statue. I'm standing in front of your block. It's called the Gorilla Statue, oh it looks cool. His name is Gary Gorilla. It's all called Gary aren't they? Named after a gorilla that was at London Zoo. Yeah, that is a very famous...

Starting point is 01:28:02 It had toothache, went for an operation, died of heart failure on the table. And now immortalized as a grill. But where is it? You have to find it. I'm gonna look at my photo of the map. Look at the map. I mean, I know exactly where it is.

Starting point is 01:28:18 It's nearby. But I don't think your map's gonna have it, to be fair. No? I'm just double checking. Of course it will. No, it won't. Gary, Gary. It doesn't won't. Gary Gary Gary Gary Literally just go to Google Maps and type in Gary Gorilla.

Starting point is 01:28:29 I'm not going to Google Maps I hate that. I'm going to City Mapper. Gary Gorilla. Right found it. It is a 7 minute walk, 8 minute walk from here. Can we go faster? We've got to go down, we've got to go through that way. Can we go up and get a bottle of water please? No we haven't got time, carry on. We've got to get going. We've got 14 minutes and this is going to be seven

Starting point is 01:28:52 minutes if we get going now and then we've got our last one. So come on. Come on. I'm putting some icing in my mouth. Come on! Why are you such a fucking dilly dallyer? Your whole life you dilly dally. Everything you do is a dilly dally. Well, I'm off, come on. I'm gonna, I put a lot of effort into today. So at least come and fucking step up and play the game. I'm playing. You know what, you're sitting there

Starting point is 01:29:32 in a hole in the fucking woods. Struggling to get up. I've got brain mouth hurt. Come on. I just ate some ice. Right, we're off. I'm just gonna cut across the path. Because this says eight minutes and we can do it in less than that.

Starting point is 01:29:50 If we mince it. Mate, a young skater just caught some serious air but didn't manage to land it. Let's jog. I'm not jogging. Come on, let's jog. Jog on. We're on the clock. Jog on.

Starting point is 01:30:01 You're such a fucking... You're such a kind of... No one cares. You are a 60% person. Everything you do is 60%. Jog on. You're such a fucking... You're such a kind of... No one cares. You are a 60% person. Everything you do is 60%. That's why you're a fucking failure. Wanker. Anything else?

Starting point is 01:30:16 The lives of all these people are on the line and you're like, I don't care. I don't. Fucking jog it. Get some fucking energy up. You fucking weakling. Come on. Old school 70s concrete skate park. Yeah, you talk to your fucking microphone mate. With your little bitchy comments.

Starting point is 01:30:36 Similar to the one in Nebworth. Because you know you're inferior. Which is now filled in. Where I broke my arm quite severely. Skating. Better be excellent for some other space. I'm a little conversation with the audience are ya? I'm such a fucking taskmaster. I'm so cruel. I wasn't actually, I was just having a nice little conversation with them about the skate park. Well you speak

Starting point is 01:30:54 to me before you speak to them. How are you going to separate the audio because you must have been going on to them as well. Yeah. So how. I'm boss. How does that go work? I'm boss and in charge. You twat. It's right across this field mate. It's a great looking sports center. Very brutalist. And, uh... Coming across a hillock. Is that Gary? No, that's just not the video. We're not gonna do this now because he's fucked it. I thought 90 minutes was too much time. Apparently, I missed fucking misunderstood downhill now.

Starting point is 01:31:29 His capabilities. It's quite a big park, mate. It's a big park, isn't it? Yeah. You say it's quite small. Well, it is small in terms of like the greater scheme of things. It's smaller than Hampstead Heath or Hyde Park. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:31:42 But there's quite a lot to it. Sizeable enough. And there's lots a lot to it. Sizeable enough. And there's lots of different types of space in it. Do you know what I mean? What's that? That's some kind of, it looks like a vaulting horse or something in a pavilion. Weird.

Starting point is 01:32:00 No, it's a tomb. There's a wreath on top of it. Ten minutes. It's not going to fucking happen this. What is that? I don't know. Theftive. Oh, there was a theft. There was a bell here and it was nicked. Oh.

Starting point is 01:32:20 Theft of Grade 2 listed Royal Navy volunteer reservoir Reserve Memorial Trophy. Why would you nick that? Suspected date of disappearance, August 2024. Grade 2 listed Royal Navy volunteer reservoir Mem- reserve memory- memororial trophy. Why would you nick that? Suspected date of disappearance, August 2024. Oh, it was like Nick last year. Literally, you can see a picture of it right there. Fucking crazy.

Starting point is 01:32:35 You know what, I get a feeling they nick quite a lot of stuff from here, don't they? They nick the lady's head off the hollow lady, didn't they? They nick the thumb off the dinosaur. Nick a bell. It's probably some Frankenstein monster half lady's head half bell or fucking dinosaur's thumb. That is one of your good ideas you've had. See sometimes you have some nice ideas. The Golem of Crystal Park Palace Park. Yeah. Yeah. The Chimera of the park. It's a Chimera. Is a Chimera is a type of creature made from different parts?

Starting point is 01:33:05 Yeah, different parts of different animals. Yeah. Isn't that one a specific one, a chimera though? Maybe, maybe, but it is also a kind of... A griffin is... What's a homunculi? We've been through this before. Is it a tiny version?

Starting point is 01:33:16 A homunculi is a tiny little man. Yeah, yeah. Like you. That's what you put the Eli in, homunculi. I do, yeah. Hey! Hey! Ganon's on fire. What would I be in, homunculi. I do, yeah. Hey! I do, yeah. Hey!

Starting point is 01:33:26 Garen's on fire. I might be causing homunculi. There's a spatula on the ground and you didn't say nothing. There's a spatula on the ground. Tenner penny spatulas. I'm picking up this spatula. Why? It's probably covered in piss.

Starting point is 01:33:40 It's not, it's fine. Well it's been served up a fucking perverts arsehole. Fucking you don't know where it's been and you just picked it up. I've still got sticky fingers anyway. Yeah but I still would just pick up a spatula. Look I'm going to rearrange your camera it's well on the one camera. It could have been a ladies clam. I don't care.

Starting point is 01:33:58 It could be clam spatula. It doesn't, there's no clam on this spatula. You don't know. You wouldn't recognise the smell of... There's no clam juice on this spatula. You wouldn't recognise the't recognize the smell of clam juice on this spatula you wouldn't recognize I'm taking this spatula home give it a scrub why you don't need a spatula my name is clam spatula you know you could use this for when you do your cheesecake mate I've already got one at home which is clean and hasn't been found on the floor in a park. Yay.

Starting point is 01:34:26 Oh God. Spatula, spatula you. Spatula together, that's what we must do. Eight minutes mate, come on. Spatula, spatula you. Spatula together. This is not gonna happen, is it? This is not gonna happen. They should have a place that just does spatulas.

Starting point is 01:34:48 I'm now feeling very drunken and gorgeous. You know what it would be called? What? Spatulaike. Come on, that's great. Spatulaike. What about University of Spatulum? Spatulum night.

Starting point is 01:35:02 Right, I've lost all joy now after you said that. Oh, Eli Silverman, dirty man. Picks up spatula like a tramp can. No, I'm having fun now. Do you know why I'm having fun? Because I've done quite a bit of buzz ball. They're good, aren't they? They're alright. They go straight to your tum tum. I'm feeling very whoops apocalypse right now. How's the pressure of the brown log? I've popped it up the pipe. He's popped it back up for now. He just popped down to say hello and now he's gone back up below. Yeah. It thought it'd have a cheeky sneak it pos posh'd its head out and so I saw its beak. It posh'd its head out and I saw its beak.

Starting point is 01:35:52 The beak of the turtle? Yeah, the turtle head. Alright, how far is Gary? The brown moist tortoise, that's what I saw. A brown moist tortoise. Where's Gary? He's round the corner this is milk lemonade round the corner Gary's there this is the penultimate one isn't it yeah how many minutes we almost at the end? Seven minutes

Starting point is 01:36:17 well we're gonna do almost the whole lot so Simon we only need a 10 minute extension for Simon I'm gonna ask him if we can get this one text where is it where are we ow where am I up there it's round there okay let's go there hang on where are we we're facing that way and it's here by the lake. what lake? so are you sure we're in the right place? this is where we are so we go that way? no because we're heading look at the arrow for fucks sake. yes, so we're facing that. I'm confused.

Starting point is 01:37:05 So this way? Yeah. Christ. Right. Yeah. Oh, you sent me a voicemail. Hang on. I see you are enjoying our little game, Eli and Paul.

Starting point is 01:37:21 Well, if you get to here in the next few minutes, I'll grant you 10 more minutes for the finale and meet me in battle. Have fun Eli and Paul, have fun! Well there you go, if we can get there in the next four minutes... Let me fucking try. I'm looking at my map because you... never look, do you, properly with don't try to fart against me I literally just farted on him no we were you were right well the lake is that way it is yeah and he's by the lake right yeah I'm gonna put Gary Gorilla in it I put Gary Gorilla in it but look that's where we are now and if we go that way we'll go that way yes this way we've got if we get there way, we'll go that way. Yeah, it's this way. If we get there in the next four minutes,

Starting point is 01:38:05 he'll give us 10 more for the finale. Okay. It's that way. Look, see? Yeah. Yeah, across. Okay, good. We've got four minutes. If we get to Gary he'll give us ten more for

Starting point is 01:38:27 the finale. And it says he's four minute war from here. About, well it says three. Another calf there. So come on. Ice cream. Slushies, cold drinks, garlic and do the cold drinks. God, I could do with a cold drink. Yeah, it's this way. Okay, right, we're heading up the path now. There's a cafe to the right of us called Brown and Greens Life and then there's two middle-class Yumi mummies to my left with a child I believe was called Henry. Here we go, up the path to the left.

Starting point is 01:39:07 Jesus Christ. Oh dear. Yeah, just up here. Just up here. And then there's Gary Gorilla. Okay. Christ. Paul, for future notice, don't bother making an effort because Eli doesn't give a fuck. Lomping behind. Let me just double check that we're still recording.

Starting point is 01:39:40 Are we? Yeah. Right. Because it would suck if none of this fucking recorded. Great. Dog toddingtons. It's a big dog and it's smelling something. I think it's going to drop some bit, some dirty dog biscuits.

Starting point is 01:40:03 Wait. I've gone. No, no, no, they're right in the back of the other way. He's on the other side of the lake? Yeah, he's on the other side of the fucking lake. My Google crapped out for a bit and then the logo where I was just disappeared. Then when it popped off it was like, oh you're on the wrong side of the fucking lake. Come on, let's do it. We've got two minutes to get there. Come on, come on, come on. It's just here, come on. Come on. If we can get to the gorilla before the two, he'll grant us ten for the extra last final battle. Battle!

Starting point is 01:40:46 Here's another fucking big animal. God. I don't know how good an idea this was for an episode of the podcast now. I don't know if we've got more or less editing to do. But let's find out. Okay. but let's find out. Okay one minute 30. Oh he's here, he's here. Okay gorilla's body. Gary! Gary Gorilla! Right, solve the puzzle before the time is out and he'll give us 10 more minutes. What am I doing?

Starting point is 01:41:40 Get the bomb out, oh you're using the spatula to tickle Gary's gooch. Good. Right okay quickly solve this in the next minute and we can have the solve the bomb and get 10 minutes. Okay. Right Bob the gardener is known for his green thumb in fact he likes the color green so much he makes certain that his garden is always green along with his green garden he has green flower pots a green car a green dog that he dies a green dog died a died dog that he dies, a green li- His dog died? A died dog, green. A green lawn mower and naturally a green lawn.

Starting point is 01:42:10 With all this being the case, what colour would his green house be? Transparent. Exactly, because it's made of glass. Right, pull out the fifth. Fifth. He's fucking stupid, aren't he? I've got more though. You did, you got more.

Starting point is 01:42:22 All right. But quick, come on, come on, come on. Well, I want you to make a decision here. Just pull out any one, I don't care. We've only got two remaining, don't we? I know, but the last one is where the finale is. Oh, right, okay, we got it. No, or, or.

Starting point is 01:42:37 Chili mango. Or, or. For what? Espresso martini. Let's do espresso martini. Give it a bit of a boost. Yeah. Okay. Right, okay. I've sent him a picture of the gorilla. Are you going to need to take photos of these? I've already done it and sent it to him. I'm going to just... I mean for the podcast. Yeah. No, I'm already ahead of it on that. You're not taking any pictures at all. Can I throw those away?

Starting point is 01:42:57 Yeah, if you want. I haven't taken any pictures of the buzz balls, is what I'm saying. I have. Alright. Okay. Cool, so I can chuck those out out yeah? Yeah. Right. You want that one? Okay. Spark that up bro. Spark up my porn star martini. It's gonna have that horrible fake... let me open it. I can't, I want no fucking fingernails mate and don't use your spatula on the ring pull. Oh you're giving me an idea. I know and that's why I nipped it in the fucking pot. I've got nails don't worry. I'm steering it at Gary's gooch. That's why I nipped it in the fucking bud. I'm steering it Gary's gooch. Yeah, it's got that very artificial coffee. Oh, dude. Coffee smell. Yeah, smell it.

Starting point is 01:43:32 Hang on. Smell my ball. Gary's good, isn't he? He's a lovely gorilla. And a real dude as well. A real gorilla that once existed. But there's a bronze version of this in another park. Is there?

Starting point is 01:43:47 In fact, I think it's in Regent Zoo, I think, to commemorate the same gorilla. You got two, but it's another cast of the same sculpture? Perhaps. No, a different sculpture altogether by a different artist. This one is by the guy I mentioned in the clue. Yeah. Right, do you want me to, oh, smells like coffee.

Starting point is 01:44:06 No, ah, ah, ah, ah! What, that's about off. No, it's not, you have to go to, oh smells like coffee. No, ah ah ah ah! What, that's about half. No it's not you have to go to, oh right. Yeah that's half, that's actually half. Is it? Yeah, because look, it's about there I can see it's splashing. It's too low but anyway fine. You've got ice though haven't you, so that lifts it up. Okay fine, go on.

Starting point is 01:44:19 Right here we go. Oh God, God, this God. It's fine. This God. I love it. You've been drinking them warm I've been having them chilled so I suppose that's yeah I'm like warm the spicy one is the only one we've got left that's the finale one we've got an extra we've got like less than 10 minutes yeah well I don't

Starting point is 01:44:37 know you have to solve the puzzle won't you I have solved the puzzle no on the last one? No, the last one. Oh yeah. Where you will meet Simon himself. Down it. For a battle. How's that? I think the... You know what? It's just fine. It takes mostly of coffee. I think that my favourite so far has been the strawberry rita.

Starting point is 01:44:54 I have to say... He's making the face everyone. Now I'm going to have a go. It's mostly coffee, although it wins away of some lovely people who want to see Gary. Oh God, move Gary. Oh, that's okay that one. Yeah, it's alright. It's alright.

Starting point is 01:45:04 It's alright. It's alright. It's alright. It's go. It's mostly coffee, although it's the way of some lovely people who want to see Gary. Oh God, move Gary. Oh, that's okay that one. Yeah, it's alright. It's that artificial flavour. That coffee flavour. But it tastes more coffee than anything else, right? So here we go.

Starting point is 01:45:17 Oops. You're okay, you can fall over. You're okay. Oh dear, baby fell over and now it's the worst thing in the fucking world for a baby. I hate kids. Right, okay. Oh dear. You scared the child Eli.

Starting point is 01:45:33 I didn't scare it, it was coming for me. You threatened it with a knife and it cried. Don't shut up, I've got the spatula in my hand. I've sent him the pictures of our... Let's sit on this bench and do the clue. I'm going to put this in the bin over there. We've got one more left. our... Let's sit on this bench and do the clue. Do you want to put this in the bin over there? We've got one more left. Let's do that. He's going to send the message any moment.

Starting point is 01:45:50 Right, okay. Five of the six done. And he's going to give us ten more minutes to find him himself. Oh, God. A gracious terrorist, wouldn't you agree? Now I've got sticky fingers. Sticky fingers, sticky fingers. Headed by the body heat. Sticky fingers.

Starting point is 01:46:15 Sticky, it's smoke. Sticky fingers. It's not sticky fingers. Sticky by the body heat. Steamy windows. Sticky fingers. Just put it in the bin. Shut your mouth.

Starting point is 01:46:23 What are you talking about? Really? Sticky fingers, it's... I'm sticking by the bar when it hits! Steamy windows? Sticky fingers. Just put it in the bin. Shut your mouth! What are you talking about? Read out the clue. You can't. Well you can't put the bag on. Well you fucking read the clue, you prick.

Starting point is 01:46:34 On the bench? Oh you want to do it here? Yeah, fine. Put the bin bag in. I will do what I like in the management of my own personal waste. Such a bell end, aren't you? Fucking dick personal waste. Such a bell end aren't I? Fucking dickhead. You're a bell end and you don't take terrorism seriously.

Starting point is 01:46:48 Oh here we go. Right here's the final clue. Once you've solved this we've got ten minutes to get to it right? There. Okay that's what he says. I haven't downed this yet. It's really starting to turn my stomach. Yeah I've got all sorts of wibbly wobblies going on right now.

Starting point is 01:47:07 And it's not fun. It's tough bubby. Tough bubby time. Right, here's the final clue. Ready? A 49-meter-long path with only one true destination. A minor tour, perhaps, but not for the girl guides. Minor tour?

Starting point is 01:47:28 A minor tour, perhaps, but not for girl guides. Start again. A 49 meter long path with only one true destination. A minor tour, perhaps, but not for girl guides. It's a maze. There's a maze here. There's a maze here. Ah, I will look it up.

Starting point is 01:47:43 Where's the maze? Because at the center of the maze is where I think we'll find the final bomb. The minotaur is at the centre of the labyrinth. Which is also a maze. Which is where we'll find our villain himself. And it must be a 49 metre long pathway I guess. Minotaur. Do you want to know what the girl guide means?

Starting point is 01:48:00 Minotaur, yeah, minotaur is in the maze. Girl guides, do you know why Girl Guides was brought up? Because they solve mazes as part of their thing. No. Boy Scouts are a thing, they held a conference in Crystal Park Palace with all the Boy Scouts near the maze. Park Palace Park? Yeah, near the Boy Scouts near the maze. And some girls who said they want to get involved said to Baden Powell

Starting point is 01:48:25 why isn't there a thing for girls to do and he invented Girl Scouts on the spot right there at the maze. It's still a bit of a cunt though wasn't it? There's a bunch of pigeons there everyone. I don't give a fuck about this, I don't know that much. Have you found the maze? I found it, but I don't know where we are. Well we're here. On the map. Can we sit down for a sec? Well he's going to, he wants to meet us in final battle in the middle of the maze.

Starting point is 01:49:07 So we've got to go and do that now. Looking forward to that. Let me just... I need to just get my bearings in. Get your bearings now, love. Oh God, I needed that drink. Because we've got a final battle ahead of us and I'm drunk and... Actually fucking horny. Really?

Starting point is 01:49:21 Bastard horny. Are you? Fucking... This is a fucking gore. He's rubbing the bench everyone. I'm rubbing the bench. Alright, here we are on a bench. And here's me with a moth motini. Oh it's a moth.

Starting point is 01:49:33 It's passion fruit martini. Smells like sweets. Ah, it's a vanilla. It definitely doesn't smell as bad as the buzz balls does it? No, no, no. How much was it? It all together came to £100.20. £10.20? £12.80. Fuck that is that's about... That might have been like £12 and yours was £80.

Starting point is 01:49:54 No mine was £4. I saw. So this is whatever's left then isn't it? No I'm not. Fucking £8 quid. Yeah. Fuck me. Jesus Christ. That is too much but he's enjoyed it. Is that nice? Have a little bit of that, go on, I love you, have a little bit. Moth Passion Fruit Martini. 14.9%? It's a porn star but they don't call it porn star. No, it's not very classy to call it that is it? It's not very classy to call it porn star. You know a puff of porn star martini has a little glass of bubbly on the side. Pussy innit? No, Jesus Christ. That's a little bit of pussy innit? Have some respect for yourself, yeah? That's a little bit of pussy in it. Well, you know what does have a little bit of pussy in it? Ladies' pussies. They have a little bit of pussy in it.

Starting point is 01:50:31 You have. Oh, look, I found the maize. Oh, it's just too vanilla-y for me. It's a little bit too vanilla-y, I agree. Not enough sharpness. Hasn't got enough parachute fruit in it. It's not bad though. No, it's not bad.

Starting point is 01:50:44 It's not bad. Yeah, anyway, look, it's a 13 minute walk if we go by their path if we cut across half an hour it's in that direction 13 minutes okay cool we can do it then we can cut across though because it's saying if we use path yeah yeah yeah yeah but he's gonna give us 10 minutes that's what we did before yeah we'll do it in so we'll do it in still we'll do it in 10 minutes Simon don't you fucking try try it right we'll meet you in battle minutes. So we'll do it in ten minutes, Simon. Don't you fucking try your luck with us. Don't try it, mate. We'll meet you in battle in the middle of the maze, Simon. Battle is a place in southern England, did you know that?

Starting point is 01:51:11 Yeah, the Battle of Hastings is battle. Did they call it battle after there was a battle there? No, it's called battle beforehand. And that's how battle got its name, battle. I don't know about that. A battle. I don't know about that. I'm confused about that.

Starting point is 01:51:23 I just know that it's called battle before battle was a battle. It was and there was a battle there. You see, that must have been the word for battle used to not be battle. No, it used to be battle. It used to be called big fight or something. Big fight. Let's have a big fight. Yeah, Napoleon's big fight. Yes, the big fight of Waterloo. Boom boom. He loves it. I've got a real fucking chonky bon comp. There you go. We've still got one more, it's a spicy one, mango spicy.

Starting point is 01:51:56 That's the final bomb. Yeah. Right, are we off, shall I set the timer? Yeah, let's go to the maze and do the final one. Right, we've got ten minutes to get to the maze in three, two, one. Off we go. My back's hurting, Les. It's that way somewhere.

Starting point is 01:52:12 It's horrible having hurt your back. You know when it's hard to walk? It's horrible. I have got. Is that what you got when your back was hurting? The walking sort of felt. Not like it's painful exactly, but it was just like, it's like your legs are doing more... Yeah, work.

Starting point is 01:52:28 ...to support you sort of thing. I feel like a gunslinger. I'm like... The world's gone to shit, everyone. The world's gone to shit, but Cheap Show keeps you laughing, doesn't it? Yeah, don't hurt me! He's got an all-clutchy feeling. Right.

Starting point is 01:52:46 We're going to cut across. Crot across? Crot across. Mate, we've still got to get to the middle of a maze. How good are you at mazes? Very good. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:52:57 I'd say I'm a quite good maze solver. OK. Eight minutes and 40 seconds left. We can do this, mate. We can beat Simon at his own game. Hey, I just found there's a secret garden here somewhere. Is there? Apparently it says secret garden. It's not very secret, then, is it? No. But then that secret garden you like in Regents Park isn't that secret, is it?

Starting point is 01:53:21 That is quite secret. Not that secret, though, is it? It's not referred to as a secret garden. You're not referred to as a secret garden. So parts of me are. You dirty pubic thatch. Yes that's what we were all thinking. Hey! Stop touching me please. Touch your nuts and guts. Come on. Is it up this hill? We can cut up and over. Let's cut across then. Come on. We've got to save all these lives mate. All these innocent lives. It's up to us for Simon's Evil Games. Come on. Holy Toledo, somebody had fun. Oh God. Diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle bum. Diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle bum.

Starting point is 01:54:08 Wop wop wop bum bum. Oh look! What did you find? A lighter. Does it work? With a panther face on. No, it's all got its guts out. Boo! Diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle bum.

Starting point is 01:54:24 Diddle diddle did, diddle diddle did bum. Diddle diddle did, diddle diddle did bum. Diddle diddle did, diddle diddle did bum. Come on. We can do this. I've seen enough of fucking... Mate! I've seen enough of Crystal fucking Palace Park today. We've seen it from every angle, we've almost crossed it. Come on, we've got seven minutes left. We're going to have to go up those bloody stairs again. What? We're going to have to go up the stairs again aren't we? No, we don't.

Starting point is 01:54:55 We've just got to cut across here, we're fine. Go past the state park again. The maze is this way, past the skate park, past where we were before. I believe the maze is in like a little dingley delley earlier. Is it a hedge maze or just a... I think it's a little hedge mazey thing. Well they take a lot of maintenance. So I'll be interested to see what condition it's in. It's not our concern is it? I mean if it's a hedge maze you can't see out and you can see over then that's a bit stupid isn't it? Oh Then it'll be easier for you won't it? It won't be easy for me.

Starting point is 01:55:33 Genius. Because I'm very short so I'll probably not still not be able to see out. Yeah to you it'll be a normal maze. Is it a midget maze? Because he's tiny man. Teeny tiny little man. From the planet Tinkle Tinkle! Going past the skate park again.

Starting point is 01:55:48 Are we going past the skate park again? No. I think it's just on that side. Oh I'm confused cos there's a graffiti hall of fame by the skate park as well. Isn't there? Yeah. But this is the one that's by the sports and me. We've been all over this fucking dirty dirty fucking...

Starting point is 01:56:06 Oh! Look at this! this remnants of another adventurer. It's another little bus bombs there. That's one of the ones we didn't have. What's that one called? That's a strawberry Rita. Strawberry Rita. It must be a popular choice. It's my favorite today so far. Yeah I mean I'm torn because it still had a soapy note. Did you like the choco tees the the Baileys one more? No. None of them are particularly edifying. No, none of them were nice, but you've got to have one that was the best. I think the Strawberry Rita was the best. I think the passion fruit one was. Maybe yeah. Because it was fruity a little bit. Maybe we've had so many different passion fruit drinks today. I just want that one. You had

Starting point is 01:56:44 My God, but look what I got as well. Mate, we've got... What does that say? Lemon need. Passion fruit. Mate, we've got five minutes and we're four minutes away. I'm just going to have a sip of this. And we've got a maze to get through.

Starting point is 01:56:53 Come on. We're not too far away. We've just got to get there, mate. Come on. Oh, shit. All right. Come on. Coming.

Starting point is 01:57:04 You're not though. You're dragging your feet like a little stumpy hobbit. Oh shit. Alright. Come on. You're not though, you're dragging your feet like a little stumpy hobbit. It would have been really good if that graffiti writer was called Maze but he's called Muse. Only two little letters off. Isn't it funny how if only things were completely different they'd be better for Eli. There's one called Aile.

Starting point is 01:57:22 Come on. There's one called React. Very nice graffiti. It's this way. There's the skate park. I was right. Yeah, but you were looking at that way. No, no, I was right. You're a lying cunt and I'm going to kill you. Doesn't matter. We're all going to have a nice time. Oh shit. Paul just almost went for a Burton everyone. I nearly went for a Burton. I did. It's this way, that way we came. We're going right by the skate park. Mate we've got to get to the middle of the maze. Come on. I don't think he's taking this seriously. The acrobat he's right is literally called maze. Yeah yes. Maze. It was like a garter rapper. He was a friend of Dizzy's.

Starting point is 01:58:02 It was like that old shit rapper. Yeah. He was a friend of Dizzy's. We're not too far away. Oh, why the fuck's he... We're like three minutes away maybe up this little hill. So with a little bit of luck... we'll get there in time. I'm making a fucking effort with this.

Starting point is 01:58:21 And that little fucking knuckle dragging hobbit... dragging his feet. That's an audio podcast in real time. It's fucking tough beans, innit? Tough beans. I'm talking shit. Where are we? We've got to go this way left.

Starting point is 01:58:37 It's up a hill. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. Come on. Ow. He nettles. Did you sting yourself? I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. Come on. Ow!

Starting point is 01:58:48 Did you sting yourself? I can't do this. And now the booze has hit it. And this is all uphill. And there's a truck. Getting out of the way. Heritage trail. Right. Okay. okay. Where's the maze? It's right here on the lake. The lasers are undone. Shall I go this way? Where should I go? I'm going to go this way. Where is he? Come on! Fucking get a wiggle on! Two minutes! Come on, we've got to get into the middle of the maze! Up yours! Up yours, you lazy shit! Come on, it's this way. Oh no, what this little path. Now it's the camera going off again. Is it? You've gone the right way? No, go that way. Oh, fuck this. Typical. Come on.

Starting point is 02:00:08 I've been working with Matt Brady all the time. Come on. He's just fucking doing it. Come on. Come on, you prick. He just got where it's going off in some trees. Ten minutes goes by quite quickly. Fuck me. This isn't going to happen. Wait for me. Oh God. Okay. Where's the maze? Where is it? Where's the maze? Is

Starting point is 02:00:40 it here? Is it here? I think it's in there. I've found it, come on. Eli please, you're fucking doing something you lazy cunt. Is this it? It's here. Come on. I'm coming. Quick. quick! We've got a minute left come on! Fuck you! It is a hedge fence. I'm gonna go for it, here we go. I'm running. I'm not gonna use the escape gate for cowards. I'm gonna at the end of today's adventure. I'm not going to use the escape gate for cowards. I'm very tired. I'm going to fucking do this.

Starting point is 02:01:26 It's going to be very big. Yeah, we're done. It's going to be walking kind of difficult. I hope it's not. Another big back end, is it? Well, here we are. Have you gone around the outside? Where did you go? I'm going through the matchel maze and not the cheat's way. Am I going through the escape gate?

Starting point is 02:01:43 You do that then. No. I'm going through the maze. Can you wait for me? Oh. Go around the real way. Oh, no. Go through the escape gate. Don't go to the escape gate.

Starting point is 02:01:55 Do it. No, you've got to go to the middle. He's going to do it. They're not very high, though. But it looks like a could be spiral in shape. Yeah, okay. Got it. All the way around the outside.

Starting point is 02:02:10 The outer circle, it's quite cool. A lot of stuff here. Okay, we're in the middle. Really lovely park, I love it. Love fading material and fading brutalism as well. It's got both. Alright, you must have gone this way, is this the right way? Yeah. Oh god. Brutalism as well. It's got both. Right, you must have gone this way. Is this the right way?

Starting point is 02:02:28 Yeah. Are you in the middle? I'm in the middle. Do I keep going around the outside or do I... You find your way in, I found it. God. There's a way in further here. There's two ways. Did you go to the left or the right of the first entrance? Oh, we ran out of memory. He's lost in the maze and I don't give a shit, we just ran out of 360 memory. So I'm gonna...

Starting point is 02:02:52 This is excellent. This. So here we are. Oh no! In the middle of the maze. It must be. I don't know where Eli is. Literally the same place as me.

Starting point is 02:03:03 Put your hand up in the air. But it doesn't... Oh, there's a bear. Have you gone past the sloth? The bear. Put your hand in the air. Can you see it? Just about, yeah.

Starting point is 02:03:14 Do I go right or left here? I don't know where you are. I honestly don't. I'm going to go right. I found it kind of instinctually. Instinctually. That is a dead end. Did you go to a dead end? I've got a dead end. I love this. of instinctually. That is a dead end. Did you go to a dead end?

Starting point is 02:03:25 I've got a dead end. I love this. I love this. Found a dead end, so it must be the other way. Here we go. Oh, there's another. 360 out of footage. I have no idea where he is.

Starting point is 02:03:41 I'm here in my hand. I can see you now. Am I going the right way? Go straight ahead. There's another dead end. I'm going in my hand. I can see you now. Am I going the right way? Go straight ahead. It's another dead end. I'm going back round, that's a dead end. I know go the other way there. Oh you prick. Go back the way, I think you're nearly there, I can see you. Yeah I know. I can see your shadow. Come on. It's like the shining. Except it's daytime. Yeah, come on. I think you're nearly there.

Starting point is 02:04:08 I'm nearly there. I can see you. Yeah, I'm coming round. Oh, that's a different way than I came. Is it? Is it the way in? No, it's not. Shit. Oh shit, man. I've gone the wrong way. How have you done this? I got through it in one go. Because you were just... Fuck. I'm lost in the maze, everyone. I've gone the wrong way. How have you done this? I got through it in one go. Because you were just... Fuck! I'm lost in the maze everyone. You're lost in the maze.

Starting point is 02:04:28 Oh no. Come back the way you came. No, it's too late now. Yeah, I think I've... I'm going round, keep going round. Okay, well... Come on, you've got to find the way in, there's only one route. Going round here.

Starting point is 02:04:48 Oh dear, Eli's very... Here we go, here we go, here we go! This better be it or else I'm giving up and dying. Eli's very late. He's been trying to get in. Can you call the air hospital? He's over there somewhere. Call the ambulance. Yeah well, you're not doing a very good job are you?

Starting point is 02:05:09 He's lost, he can't get in. Bloody idiot. I feel like I've been here my whole life. Oh yeah, he's gone very bouffant-y. Have you got any luck? No. I think you've gone the completely wrong way mate. I have, I'm going the other way now. You're going to have to come and find me mate. How are you so crap? I went the wrong way, you just got lucky. Anyway that's him lost in the maze and this is the finale. We've got one more thing to do

Starting point is 02:05:40 and then that's that and I'm very drunk and I'm going to go over, he'll find his way, he's lost in he so bollocks to him, bollocks to him. Right I'm at the centre and I'm waiting for a call from Simon Harry and that's gone off and there's no more energy, didn't help me did it, no more power in the there's no more power in the 360, no more memory card. No more left here. So, there we go that's that done. This looks more promising. Oh dear.

Starting point is 02:06:12 Oh dear. I'm so hot and tired. Are you still lost? It's a maze! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe are you so lost I did it in my first go I thought you were good at mazes the entrance mate it's kind of this end the kind of the dolphin why haven't you been giving me clues vis-a-vis the animal posts unfortunately I didn't know that was a clue what's like by the dolphin! Why haven't you been giving me clues vis-a-vis the animal post? Well unfortunately I didn't know that was a clue, was I?

Starting point is 02:06:47 By the dolphin post! I was legging it because we were on a timer. It's too late now. It's too late for you. Luckily I got here in time to save the world from... Will you just tell me how to get there please? Well all I know is that you need to kind of come to this far end of the park somehow because you are absolutely lost. You're so shit. I'm by the squirrel now. I don't know what that means. It's a squirrel. Come back the way

Starting point is 02:07:14 you came because you want to aim. I'm going this way. You want to go over that way somehow. God almighty. Anyway we're here in the middle of the maze. Come and find me! Finally. I'm not leaving the centre because I can just do the escape. You should have used the escape gate. That's just the way to get out. Yeah, but it would have saved you this faffing.

Starting point is 02:07:39 I've got two paths here, which one? I don't know. I'm just coming back the way you came because you want to go up that end. Why can't you remember which way you came in you prick? Because I wasn't know, just come here. I'm right on the way you came because you want to cook that end. Why can't you remember which way you came in, you prick? Because I wasn't paying attention, you could have simply blamed it. Yeah, well exactly, so you can't blame me, you just fluked it and now you're luring it over me. Fuck you! That's not the right way.

Starting point is 02:07:56 Oh, fuck off! It's not the right way. Well, what about this one? Come back the way you came around the inner room. What about this one? This is very embarrassing for you. You're angering me. Is it embarrassing for you as it seems? I'm back with a dolphin now. I don't know how to help you mate. I'm really sick of this now Paul. Oh yeah. Are you sick of this? I'm sick of this now. You want to come all the way round? I'm back

Starting point is 02:08:26 at the squirrel now. Come on all the way round. We want to try and get as far as the opposite position you're in right now. Alright. I'm genuinely surprised you couldn't find your way in the middle. Because I kind of vamped it and got in at first go. Do you guys know the way in? Oh God he don't know what he's doing he's lost in a in a maze filled world. Oh dear. Right, I think I'm in a bit that I haven't seen before. Mate, I'm coming round! I think you're going to be stuck on that side unless you come back all the way you were the way before. All the way round?

Starting point is 02:09:18 All the way round. Further that way? Yeah, because I don't think you can come in from that direction. You just said I did. No, but it's sealed off, isn't it? Well, ladies and gentlemen, not only have we proven that Eli is unfit today, but that he has the, er... wherewithal of a fucking massive idiot.

Starting point is 02:09:37 Oh. I'm at... What? I'm on the outer ring. I think where you are is the opposite of where you need to be mate. Let me see if I can find this on a map where Eli is. Uh oh, uh oh. Crystal...

Starting point is 02:09:55 Crystal Palace. Am I close now? No. Oh no. I'm coming now to you. Yeah, come on. If you're on the inside river, you'll be fine. I'm on the inside.

Starting point is 02:10:10 I'm right on the inside. I've got a map here, but it doesn't really help me. It's okay. I'm going to do this. All right, there you go. No. This is a fish. This is a fish.

Starting point is 02:10:22 This is a memory card. Where is it? Show me where the entrance is. The entrance to... the entrance is there and you need to come like... You need to aim for that end of the park. Mate, climb over. No! Just fucking climb over that bit. It's easier. I'd rather have you do this

Starting point is 02:10:37 and spend the rest of this episode lost in this fucking base. I'm gonna find... I'm finding this. Right, OK, well then, that's what Eli's doing then. I'm going to tie my laces because they all came undone in the last little bit. But I saved the day, and I've reached the park. And I've taken a picture of it.

Starting point is 02:10:55 You jumped over, didn't you, you cheat. No, I didn't. I've got footage of me proving that I came here in one go. I think I've done it now. All right. Have I? I don't know you're closer though at that end of the park because that end is where you're going to need to come in. I've got it, I've got it, I've got it. I'm going to look on the stool here. I'm there, I'm

Starting point is 02:11:13 there, I'm there. Put your hand up. Okay yeah you want to kind of go as left as you can. I know, I know. I figured it out mate. Take as many right as you can. I can't go right. I'm back in the slough Mate just get the exit gate because this is tiring and frankly annoying No, no, no, no Shut your mouth. I can't quite see where you are in the maze. Oh, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it Because there's a little Turn I can't see it. it's hard to see from this angle but yeah try and go right at the end of that path. I'm doing it I'm doing it

Starting point is 02:11:51 what it proves to me is that when it comes to labyrinth Paul Gannon's the best and Eli is a clueless I would say ugly man but when Eli gets here I'm expecting a call from Simon for the last of the uh the last challenge of the day and uh hopefully Eli will be here soon because this is absolutely depressing that Eli can't find his way into a maze like a big baby child baby baby boy. I think I've found it now. baby child baby baby boy. No it's not this way. Are you still lost? Mate head back to the beginning and use the escape gate because I can shut your mouth it's what you can do and stay there. This is my this is possibly Eli for the record the most pathetic thing you've ever done in your whole existence. I'm almost there

Starting point is 02:12:42 now. You're not though. Yes I am. You're on the outer rim. That's how you get there. I mean whatever. Oh dear god. Hey there he is. He's finally here. Congratulations Mr Silverman. How did you do that so quickly? I have no idea but for me... You're such a fluke man. You're so jazzy. Maybe but I did it in one go. Cure jars. I did it in one go. You're Mr. Jam of the school of jars knocks. Listen, we're here. The jam is... All we've got to do now is await a call from Simon. That was quite difficult man. For you yet was. Honestly. Well done though mate, well done though. I found it. We've got our last... I did do it. I worked it out. We've got our last puzzle to do and then we can have our last drink. I'm not a spicy Margot Ritter. So let me read the last puzzle out. Margot Ritter, it's not called that, it's

Starting point is 02:13:31 mango, it's mango chili. It's not a Ritter at all. Here's a puzzle for you. Here's a puzzle for you. Mate, as I was going to St Ives I met a man with seven wives, seven wives with seven cats, seven cats with seven bags, seven sacks with seven cats, how many kittens, cats, sacks and wives, how many were going to St. Ives? Just me, just one. Exactly. Is that it? That's it, yeah. That's not it, read me a proper one. It is, it's actually on this card. Can you read me a proper one please? I want to do a proper one. I will. Okay. Don't you think they're kind of cool? I like these. There's a lot of work, the illustrations, you know, what was the set called? Mysterium. Mine trap. Mine trap. I like it. It was very nice. Right. Actually. Okay. Look at all these different illustrations they did, you know what I mean? Yeah, no it's all very well done. Well that's the Paramount lady. Yeah. Is it? Right, here's the last clue and then we can settle the bomb off. I know I've luckily I got here before the timer so I

Starting point is 02:14:27 turned it off right here we go Bill said I've eaten the in the finest restaurants in the world to his girlfriend and this place is the best the maitre d approached Bill and with a disdain he reserved for all of his customers right asked if they had a reservation Bill slipped him a ten pound note and said... Is it ten dollars there? It says ten dollars, yeah. Ten pound note and said, find us a table.

Starting point is 02:14:52 These are yanks. After being seated, Bill announced he would order since the little lady knew... Since he knew what was best for her. He's a fucking... He's a cunt, innit? After lunch, both Bill and his girlfriend began looking a little green around the girls. And when asked about dessert, Bill mummored a reply and suddenly threw up all over the table. Oh.

Starting point is 02:15:12 Bleh! And then his girlfriend started throwing up on the table. That happens in shining or sadness. Eventually his girls started throwing up too, and then everyone in the restaurant started throwing up and being sick. Oh, this is terrible. But there wasn't anything wrong with the food. So what possibly had made everyone throw up? There's your puzzle.

Starting point is 02:15:29 Wait, so give me the clue bit. The clue bit is they're in a restaurant, best in the world. He orders a meal, they eat it, and then eventually he throws up, then she throws up, and then everyone in the restaurant starts throwing up. But the food was not wrong. Nothing wrong with the food, so why did they start throwing up? Figure that out, brainiac.

Starting point is 02:15:45 Someone farted. Yes, that was the answer. Someone did windy poo-poops and everyone started throwing up. No, that's not it at all. I could vomit now. Why could you vomit now? Are you not up for this? I've drunk too many. Have you? We've got one more to drink as well.

Starting point is 02:15:59 Cheeky chops, cheeky cheeky chops. Give me another clue on that one. What should I, where should I... Think about it, where would the restaurant need to be if everyone's gonna be throwing up? In a sewer? No. In a...

Starting point is 02:16:12 I mean, they... Oh, it's a spinning. No. It's a spinning... No, it's not. On a boat. Yes. Oh, that is Triangle of Sadness.

Starting point is 02:16:19 And they got seasickness. Right, that must be... It was the plot of Triangle of Sadness. It was, yeah. It was. So now, Eli... I got every single one right today, didn't I? Yes, with a massive amount of help from me.

Starting point is 02:16:28 Only the last one, and only because I'm half cut now. Right, we've got to do the last one, and then Simon's going to appear for the final task. So let's drink this last one. And I'm going to change this. And then we can move on to the hand recorder, because the buttons are all done. We can move on to the hand shandy.

Starting point is 02:16:44 Hand shandy, it's a randy time. Look at me, I'm swapping out the memory cards for this. Do you need a spatula? I don't want your dirty, floor-found spatula please, if that's alright with you. Right. Oh God. Which one's this one? Chilli mango?

Starting point is 02:17:04 Yeah. What does that mean? Spicy with some mango notes. Right. Which one's this one? Chili mango? Yeah. What does that mean? Spicy with some mango notes. Right, open your cup up and I'll pour it in. It's gonna be grim. No, let me pour it because I'm gonna do half for you. Fuck you, fuck you Paul. He's been skimping on it man. He's been trying not to drink it. I've drunk all of mine and more than my first year and I've had a 14 pound degree stroking passion fruit martini. It was 14% volgahol.

Starting point is 02:17:33 Oh it was 14% yeah. That's what I was getting at. Which is similar to this. So these are actually in better value than those. Much better value. In terms of what I just spent in that shop against what goes on, what 3.99 each? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:17:45 Yeah. Right, go on. I need reimbursement by the way. I know, I'll reimburse you if you can solve the last puzzle. Otherwise, you don't get anything and you're out of pocket by about £30. Oh no, oh no. So isn't that a terrible thing? Oh, I might be sick.

Starting point is 02:18:00 I told you, I told you. Pour this one out and let's end this horrible conceit for an episode. It was good, I liked it, I told you. Pull this one out and let's end this, end this horrible conceit for an episode. It was good, I liked it. I thought you did well. This is the weirdest episode we've done in a while. I got severely lost in that mate. I know, genuinely. Whereas I blindly ran through it and got into the middle.

Starting point is 02:18:17 Also, it doesn't really help. The fact that they are kind of head height and you can peer over the hedges. Yeah. Doesn't really help because it's a spiral shape. So it's hard to see the points. Literally, I don't remember my way in. I just remember thinking whatever's the quickest route

Starting point is 02:18:30 in would be the right. You really did it very fast, though. I boshed through it. Did you come to any dead end? No. I literally made it through in one go. That's so weird. So weird.

Starting point is 02:18:39 Because I thought it was going to be just like, oh, easy peasy. And it kind of was, but I didn't think about it. Because my alarm was going off as I came in through the main entrance. So like, oh, easy peasy. And it kind of was, but I didn't think about it. Because my alarm was going off right as I came in through the main entrance. So effectively, we beat Simon's puzzles. Can I just say Crystal Palace Park, great park. In it? Got maze, several lakes, skate park, sports center.

Starting point is 02:18:56 It's brilliant. It's good. It really is. I love it here. It's a nice little park, isn't it? It's a great way for going and getting fucked up. No one's messing. Although I've got one.

Starting point is 02:19:03 I haven't seen any police. The last challenge we're going to do is here. Is it a challenge? Yeah. What do you mean? You've got one challenge to do to set off the final bomb. To defuse the final bomb. Yeah to defuse the final bomb.

Starting point is 02:19:13 So you're going to have to get ready for that. Right here we go, last bomb, down it, down it, one, buzz bomb. This is a spicy margarita cocktail made with premium tequila, vodka, mango, natural flavours, enjoy your drinks. What does spicy margarita cocktail made with premium tequila, vodka, mango, natural flavors and joy trills. What does a spicy margarita mean though? Oh that's very big at the moment. Spicy Marg they call them. A margarita is tequila, lime juice, triple sec.

Starting point is 02:19:37 Shaken. What's the spicy part? It's chili. That is so chili hot. Is it hot? Yeah. Oh god that is, woah. Is that hot baby? I take swallowing a match. It has some spice to it. You've got a little bit of ice in there. No I don't. You're not? Okay well then. It's burning on the way down but not my mouth. This is bad time for ball. Come on you've got to

Starting point is 02:20:04 down it. He's down it, he's down it. That's the end of the boos for today. That's the end of the boos for today. Is my thing still on? Yeah it's all good. Well here's the thing. I think... Why have you got two on? No this is the... The control there? The transmitter so I know we're still recording and stuff. Are we? Yeah. But we're gonna recording and stuff. That's very good. Are we? Yeah.

Starting point is 02:20:27 But we're going to be turning it off soon. This is unpleasant as fuck. It's not my favourite one, this. What's your favourite one? Passion fruit? Pawn Star Martini? The passion fruit one. I think strawberry rita for me.

Starting point is 02:20:36 That would be a second maybe. Yeah. Because the other ones were like flavourfully fine but ultimately kind of offset by the horrible it's the ethanol yeah is it's the hotness the ethanol booze ain't great but that's why they're buzz that's the buzz you know you don't drink it no you take it on a bus it's a preloader I do not like that it's a preloaded I like it I would go through those again I have you seen they do large ones double double-sized ones? Big buzz boards.

Starting point is 02:21:07 Do they? I ain't doing... Right, no, they've gone. They're a family of American students. You prefer Desperados, then? Yes, I do espresso Desperados. I do espresso Desperados. You stress desperation? My phone's ringing.

Starting point is 02:21:23 Beep beep, my phone went. Beep beep, my phone went. Beep beep, my phone went. Oh. Ah. Oh, who is this? I can't remember the accent. It's like that. Keep going. Yes.

Starting point is 02:21:32 Oh, yeah. It's like that, yeah. Like that. Simon. Yeah. It's me. It's me. Simon.

Starting point is 02:21:39 Simon Herry. You have beaten all of my plans, yeah. And now I have one last one. Simon, I'm sorry I didn't finish in the time. I got lost in the ways and stuff. It's OK, buddy, boy. I love you. I love you. But I am here in the flesh.

Starting point is 02:21:52 Oh, no, here he is. He's coming into the park. Has he come into the park? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I have a bomb strapped to me, Eli. Oh, no. And if you can dodge my wires and turn off my bomb... No, I'm not doing that.

Starting point is 02:22:03 ...then you will save everybody's lives today. Wee, wee, wee, wee. I've bought it now from a charity shop. Well, fucking set it up then, you cunts. All right, then. Ladies and gentlemen, the final challenge... Didn't bring any weed out, did you? The plot's falling apart. Eli's ruined the plot.

Starting point is 02:22:19 Did you bring any weed? Eli, what do you think? What do you think, mate? Give us a kiss. Give us a kiss and you can have all the weed I've got. Can I have a pinch? Give us a kiss on the lips. Right here in the middle of the thing. I would. Not on your...

Starting point is 02:22:31 And I'll give you all the weed. It's not syphilis. It's just I've cut it or something. I'll do the last thing. I'll do it. I was only joking. I would very much like to bomb you in the middle of a labyrinth. How about that? No, I'm not up for that. Look at this sweat! I've got sweat patches. Imagine it was 30 degrees today. We wouldn't have done it. But it's been a lovely day.

Starting point is 02:22:54 Thanks for listening everyone. You know it's not real, there's no terrorists and bombs. This is just an excuse for us to run about in the park. Good maze. It's a lovely maze and it's nicely kept. Not exactly Hampton Court. Let's set up the final challenge which is a bun thing so we can turn these off now. We could have a smoke here couldn't we? I am Simon and here's my bomb. Let's get through this, bye. Hello Eli and Paul. It is I, Simon Harry.

Starting point is 02:23:35 Your enemy who has been in charge of the interrogation of the day. Now I have one little bomb left for you and for you and I don't know what accent this is I don't know mate I'm very drunk and I don't know. You do Simon just keep Simon going I don't want to hear it. No no I am Simon and I have one more bomb for us to diss it is I have set up a bomb with trip wires as you will see on the camera you're getting a bit spitty drunk and you've got white on your thing. I'm just going to take a picture. I'm going to take a picture of the wires. You've got white on what? On your shirt. Looks like spunk or something.

Starting point is 02:24:12 Where? Where? You can see it on your side. No, that's no. What's that then? And then there's a bomb here. Beep bop beep. Right. And then there's a bomb here, beep bop beep. Right, I have set up a series of trip traps for you, trip wires for you. Trip wire?

Starting point is 02:24:33 Trip trap wires for you Eli Silvermon. And if you can navigate the wires, you can turn off the bomb and then we can have a battle is there a flash beyond the moon this is the way it must go ladies and gentlemen here we go I'm gonna set the bomb for a minute I'm gonna set the bomb for one minute here we go here we go can you hear it beep-beep you've got to go under the wires and then when you come out this end you've got to press the button on the right hand side you've got to go under under this one under under under come out and then press the button here on the side all right I'm gonna start the bomb is that you last of them I'm gonna start the bomb. Zai ila si vamo. I'm gonna start the bomb. Here we go. Here we go.

Starting point is 02:25:31 You've got 10 seconds to get ready. You ready? And then it'll beep bop beep. Five, four, three, two, one. Here we go. Is it going? Go, go under it. Every time you touch the wire, it takes 10 seconds off the clock. And you've only got one minute. He's going for it. Look at him. Quick, come on. Am I doing it?

Starting point is 02:25:55 Why did it go boom? Because I touched it for a laugh. Oh, you can't unt I haven't touched shit! I am Simon Harry, let us go into battle! Fucking get off me, Paul! You're pretty on! Are you threatening? I was doing that properly!

Starting point is 02:26:17 Why have you put the bomb in my pants? No, no, no, why have you put the bomb in my pants? Episode's over! Wait, put the bomb in my pants and then Simon blows up. Here we go. Don't put the bomb in my pants. Mine, mine hit Eli. Tick tock, tick tock, tick.

Starting point is 02:26:34 Come on, say something pithy before I blow up. How's that for a hot and spicy bomb load? Oh no, my plan is over. My scheme is over. Eli and Paul you have won this one. Goodbye. I had my hands in the fucking dirt and you didn't even make it a proper thing. I spent all this money on a toy you fucking fucked. Three pounds of it. Three pounds in a charity shop on my trip by a bomb game. Well that's Cheap Show over for this week I hope you've enjoyed this adventure. I think I'm gonna vomit actually. I think I might vomit as well. Man so what's your take on buzz balls? Not very nice. Nasty, nasty business.

Starting point is 02:27:21 I was hoping for something tasty but really they are just a quick quick way of getting booze into your bod. It is it is it is it is the shortcut to fine drinking it's just boo it's it's it's drunkenness without the benefit of joy. Some of them were less objectionable than others I have to say the passion fruit martini. That was definitely a verb. A verb, a vomit burp yeah I think the passion fruit martini a passion fruit martini was okay and I think that the I actually think the strawberry Rita was alright it was a soapiness but I can get over that all I know is that in a bunch of Holly and Nettles to do this challenge and you said it off anyway I was doing a whole fucking Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible

Starting point is 02:28:02 over the under the laser wire thing hey no one's no one's no one gives me any credit for that do they? You won't. No I won't I refuse to. Look look at that hurty I've got my finger there you can see it. A bum bum woofie woofie hurty a bum bum woofie woofie bum hurty. Well we're just going to end the episode as he started by fucking mangling everything he says and not being a very good communicator. But I love him. All right? I love him. Eli, as far as I'm concerned, we have killed the last of the hairy family.

Starting point is 02:28:35 And we shouldn't have to worry about any of them ever more. Until we do Die Hard 5. Until we do Die Hard 5 in Russia. Vodka. Yeah, vodka. Any other die hards we could do? We could do a load of knock offs die hards on the Siege Speed, we could do Con Air,

Starting point is 02:28:52 we could do Taking Of Beverly Hills, we could do The Rock, we could do Cliffhanger. Those are all 90's action. They're all die hard knock offs to some extent. We could do die hard knock off die hards. Maybe we'll do an episode where if Eli's on his skates and he goes below five miles an hour, I kick him in the balls.

Starting point is 02:29:07 Something like that. Mate, that's not under two miles an hour. Well, I honestly don't know how this episode's turned out. All I know is that me and Eli are stuck in the middle of a maze, pissed off our tits. We're not pissed off our tits. I am pissed off my tits. Well, can I have a stitch?

Starting point is 02:29:22 Because all of a sudden, everything's going biffy boffy woo. Is it? Yeah. I need some more water. I should have bought water. I should pissed off my tits. Well can I have a sip? Because all of a sudden everything is going biffy boffy woop. Is it? I need some more water. I should have bought water. I should have bought water because I'm not feeling very nice now. We'll have a smoke and we'll get some water on the way out of the pub. Well ladies and gentlemen that was another cheap show, live action adventure.

Starting point is 02:29:38 We hope you've enjoyed it. If not, well there's always next week isn't there? There's also other episodes where we don't drink. If you don't like us drinking, I'd say 95% of every episode we've ever made, we've been sober as a judge on. Yeah. So if you don't like us drinking, because you've got some kind of puritanical fucking objection to it, or whatever, fine. Don't listen to our podcast, how about that? Because we're pro-boos. Go fuck off and listen to Off Menu with James Acast then. Listen, half the fucking cunts out there fucking making podcasts are like, Oh, drunk girl reads her dad's texts.

Starting point is 02:30:13 Drunk gigs talking about Marvel. Someone does fucking history. Pissed up. Meths and Stalin. Methpod. Hello, welcome to Meth Pod. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .

Starting point is 02:30:31 . drugs. Right, ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our episode this week. Simon is defeated. I'll do some Ritalin by the way. Ritalin's okay, Ritalin's legal. Ritalin's for people. Simon's defeated and we are fully free of the threat of more Hairy Brothers election. So we'll see you next week on more Cheap Show. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show if you'd like to support this podcast give what you can but only if you can if you think it's okay going towards buzz balls forever and we are pricey buzz balls ain't cheap they ain't cheap they're really fucking quite expensive you can probably find them up north for cheaper in some of their stupid supermarkets. In quick boos or something. Yeah, quick boos. K-W-I-K boos. Quick boos. However, for now, the one stop shop is thecheapshow.co.uk for all your cheap show needs. We're on YouTube four nightly with cheap shop videos and yeah,

Starting point is 02:31:38 Patreon supporters if you can. I will vomit. Let's be sick in the middle of a maze. That would be bad for all the Pat patrons using the maze after us. Well, I hope you've had fun, because we've had fun, and this has been one of the weirdest episodes I've recorded in a while. I'm putting jungle on. Yeah, let's put some jungle on and have a smoke. Right, we've defeated evil, we're in the Crystal Palace Park, and we'll see you next week on Cheap Show for more economy comedy joy.

Starting point is 02:32:01 Until then, good night. You've got your muff in my bag. Woo, your muff in my bag. Now, your muff in my bag Woooo your muff in my bag Now your muff in my bag My muff in your bag I'll get your muff out Yeah let's do it You could actually get a dick in the end of that muff I could get two dicks in there

Starting point is 02:32:14 I wanna go fuck the hollow lady I'm gonna make the hollow lady not so hollow anymore And I'm gonna put my He's gonna be absolutely stuffed The stuffed lady And I'm gonna put my dick in the Sphinx and make it stinks There we go You know what I should drink more whilst we do this because your jokes made me laugh when I pissed

Starting point is 02:32:36 Stick my dick in the Sphinx and make it stinks. See you next week See you next week everyone on a Cheap Show Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye. See you next week, bye bye. Hey, hey, hey! Oh dear. Turn it off. What a catastrophe. Can you please just turn it off?

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CheapShow - Ep 445: Walk Hard With A Vengeance (Stereo Edition)

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