CheapShow - Ep 454: eBay Gum!

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

It’s time to get our platters out on CheapShow this week! Paul & Eli have unearthed a few comedy albums from the once popular Grumbleweeds musical troupe! Who are these gentlemen? Where they any good? Has their material aged well? Will we get annoyed listening to “There’s No Business Like Show Business” over and over and over? A quick listen to their output should answer a few of those questions! Elsewhere in this week’s episode, Paul’s got a Gannon’s Golden Games on the go and is very excited to play it. The game is an early 2000s electronic “eBay auction bidding game” and, as Eli and Paul are sadly about to find out, absolutely doesn’t work as an audio only podcast medium. Just how bad does it get? Listen in and find out… See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-454-ebay-gum SEE US LIVE: Oct 18th @ The Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival 2.30pm, London https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/cheapshow---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-18th-oct-2025-tickets Watch Our 450th Episode Celebration YouTube Live Stream! https://youtube.com/live/ErCEZo6V3AE?feature=share And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Paul. Hello, Mr. Silverman. Good day, do you sit? Pip, Pip. Good day. It was my birthday yesterday. What did you get me for? My birthday as a friend.

There's a long-term friend. What did you gift me on my birthday? We don't do that in my circles. We don't do that. We're grown-ups. In that case, going forward, would you like me to not bother getting you nice things for your birthday? Like tommy toys and games and...

I gave that away. Great. The... Yeah, no, the pinball thing. Pinball thing. We're over. That's it It's a fake walkout everyone

He's back He's already back No Oh come on I'm committing to this You are a bad friend You are a bad friend Paul that's not true

If I've Can I just say In my defence In my defence You're a selfish person I find you I'm a selfish person I've

Okay fine I'm a selfish person Can I then Make a further defence Go on You're a difficult person To buy gifts for?

I'm a difficult person, am I? Yes, I mean, yes. I mean, yes. You're a difficult person and a difficult person to buy gifts for. It's my 47th birthday. Big deal. My birthday is a big deal. It is.

And the fact that you don't care about it is heartbreaking. Anyway, you are a proper horrible person. I don't think I am. If I see something, Paul, you're difficult to buy for. What was your big present this year? I didn't really have one because everyone's on the bones of their ass, so I didn't really get anything. Everyone's on the bones of their ass. I love it. You've gone well scouse. But my partner did get me a stack of magic trick cards to play and a Sistema metal detector toy.

Systema? From a charity shop. Sistema, they make those shitty game and watch knockoffs. Oh, I'm thinking of there's a brand called Sistema that make quite high-end tupperware. I don't think that's the same company. No, I don't think so. It's cool with the little catches, you know what I mean? With the catches and the rub, I love Tupperware.

I love little boxes, little plastic boxes. Wink, wink, wink. Any way. If you dare get me Tupperware for my fucking birthday. No, I'm saying for me. You get for me, man. All right, okay, maybe for Christmas. Maybe I'll get you some lovely Tupperware for Christmas.

Thank you. Small ones. Oh, the doomed nature of the middle-aged man. Where we thrill over the option of a present from the Tupperware clan. From the Tupperware man, the Tupperware man. I'm the top of where man. I'm the top of where man. I'm the top of where man.

Oh, God. Put me lid on. Put me lid on, lad. Put the lad on. Now. Top of rare man. Now that this intro is properly died in your mouth. Yes, that's it.

You've done it again. What? When did we go from doing something known as the cold open to the intro all of a sudden? You've changed. I haven't changed. You've changed. You're trying to be all mature. I am more mature.

Pip, Pip, Pip, I am more mature. Pip, Pip. Pip, is what the gentry say. Why is it called an intro now and not cold open? This is a cold open. Okay, fine. It's still a cold open. No, because the intro is what happens.

Both of those, yeah? Cock swapping. As in like, you're in an orgy, and there's all cocks coming at you, and you're like swapping around. Dear, I don't know. Cock swapping beats. I'm like, I'm going to make a note of this. Why can make notes?

Cock swapping. What are you making notes about? You'll find out, I'm making notes. I'm going to make a report. Cock swapping. There we go. What time is that? Four minutes in.

Four minutes in. What? What are you doing? I don't find out. Performance review, end of year. See if you get your Christmas bonus. The Tupperware? Yeah.

You won't get Tupperware if you don't pass your test. How about that? Okay. Instead, I'll get you a weak, wet cardboard box. Oh, a piece of coal. A bit of coal inside a wet cardboard box. A flimsy wet cardboard box with the words cry written on the side. That's pointless.

Anyway, I'll tell you what else is pointless This ongoing painfully long Drawn out cold open Which has no momentum And now awkwardly will shift into the theme tune Like this Okay You've awkwardlyized it

Press the fucking credit Up, run, round, off, off, off, run, round on. Paul Gannon, Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Chief Show. Storces and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney Borough. I hate you.

I got to you. The Posse. It's the price of shy. Welcome to Cheap Show. Go on, mate. Bring it in. All right then. This is Cheap Show, everybody.

It's to your economy comedy podcast. Pipip. where me Eli Silverman and him I can approve I can I can assure you that that is Eli Silverman and him Paul Gannon go through the bargain shops and can you assure that the audience that I am who I try you I assure you that is Paul Gannon I can sure assure you I want that made clear I did I have made it clear now good

Paul Gannon any confusion over who hosts this podcast Eli Silverman here I am still I am still Paul Gannon talking to you and I'll put a double seal of approval that I assure you that that is him Bof, bough. Don't do double thumbs up. Don't do it. I'm doing it. I can do double thumbs up.

That is Dougie Questions trademark. And Dougie Questions is a character, ancillary to the main podcast that exists in the cheap shots series of videos we do for YouTube. Ah, cheap shots, everybody. Yeah. Right. What,

you've lost my train of thought now. I've lost your train of thought. It was more of a children's matchbox toy of thought. It ends up being about you tossing off a horse or something like that. No, it is. I was not going. that route. It is.

It always ends up being that. You always shout at me for being like bass and toilet humory. But if anyone's going to wank off an animal first in this show, it's you. No, neither of us.

Yes. I would never. I'm more of a dog man when it comes to... I know. Oh wow. Biggest revelation of my life. But you're...

He's more of a dog man. You heard it, everyone. But you're... At last, this is what the dog fucking joke has come to now, Paul. You saying I'm more of a dog man on a podcast

that you put out. I'm more of a dog man. Stop. Yeah, but you're I got like, then. I'm not going to say what animal I'd like to bone, okay? But this is with you. The difference is, you're kind of a, you're more of an omnibimal

fiddler, aren't you? Why would you choose? All God's creatures, anyway. You think your bees, it used to be bees and then ants. Oh, bees are nice. Bees are nice. And then, yeah, you have a little moth sensation for a while, did you have to grab them by the wings. No, moths, I don't like moths. Yeah, you used to say you are. You used to say you did.

I didn't say shit. Then you dabbled with horses in your time. You've definitely been interested in cats as well. Mate, I'm a one dog man. Well, you're a dirty one putting out. You're a one dog. What poor dog? Is he in the basement here? Yeah.

Oh my God. His name's Apollo. Apollo dog. I eat. Where did you nick that from? No, I didn't. What do you mean? Nick that from the dog.

I got it from the street. I bet there's some cartoon or something. Their dog is called Apollo. Maybe, I don't know. Go looking up then. Go look it up there while I introduce the show. No, I'm introducing the show. Oh, go on.

No, you've totally derailed it. derailed my train of thought the economy comedy podcast with me and Paul where we go through the bargain bins charity shops bonzo sales and pound lands

of Great Britain to bring you the treasure we find amongst the trash amongst the trash and what treasure we got coming up on the show today Paul we've got well we're going to take a little potted history through the member berries of

yesterday as we investigate a comedy music sketch group that was incredibly popular the 70s and 80s, and not so much popular in the 90s, 2000, 2010s, when it all got tragic. 20 years is a long time for something like that to exist and stay on telly. God bless, Blackpool Pleasure Beach and Pantos is basically what it comes down to. They're the last, the dark underside of sort of variety. Until no one wants them any more then.

Until no one wants them, no more then. And then it's all weird, dingy things. And like having a new career as like a hypnotherapist. Oh, a lot of them do. and going on the James Whale show and editing key... All of this I learned from bloody Stuart Millard's videos but one of the men that work with Keith Harris

and edited his like best-of video and then spelt Keith wrong. Keith Harris, one of the worst hacks of all time. I know it was a kids entertainer, but wow. But this is the thing about Keith Harris, isn't it? It's like, yeah, kids entertainer front and centre, however he was bad at that. However, they tried to make him a mainline, main, you know, prime time show.

And that didn't work either because it was a kid's act. And such a... Anyway, we're not here to talk about, we're not here to talk about Keith Haring. I mean, Harris. Harris. That's the artist. Oh, yeah, Keith Haring's the artist.

Hey, I'd like to see, it's something AI would do, isn't it? A picture of Orville in the style of Keith Haring. Oh, I thought you meant like Keith Haring with Orville on his lap doing the voice. Well, what does Keith Haring even look like? He was an artist. But the thing about him is his art, isn't it? So like an Orville-shaped Keith Haring art. An illustration of Orville in the style of Keith Harris.

Oh, now that would work. Haring. I wonder how that would work. Paul, whilst we're on Keith Haring, the operator of Orville, we do need to bring. No, it's Keith Harris, who's the operator of Orville. You're fucking losing it now, Grandad. Sun Downy Lines, leaving his mind. Sundowny Harris.

How is. I have that dance record, the Orville. We've done that on the podcast. No, we have not. Have we not done that? You keep vetoing it at the last moment. We're going to do it in the live show. We were going to have it playing at the live show.

this live show then. There we go. We'll use an excuse for that. When are we going to use like hair metal or we're going to do a song or something? I don't know. We'll think. We've got to plan this later. All right. Right. Anyway, come to the live show 18th of October. It's definitely been planned. What are we going to actually discuss then? Well, we're talking about this and then we're going to play. I don't think you've said what that is. We're going to save it for the segment. It's a nice surprise, isn't it? Okay, fine.

You hang a lantern on it. Chekhov's gun. It's that whole thing, isn't it? It's not, though. You haven't said what it is. No, I have, because I've said it is a thing. I've said it is a thing, but I haven't said what that thing is, but I've hinted at what it could be to keep engagement going. Check off gun.

Yeah. It's more like a sort of wide. What? It's such a, you know. It's just foreshadowing, isn't it? Yeah, but that's why it's called Chekhov's gun because it's a shorthand to tell everyone what you mean. Right, so it's fine. Could you say the word foreshadowing.

No, but no, specifically, it's a narrative thing, isn't it? Farshallowing can mean anything, really, to broad a statement in saying Chekhov's gun, which specifically speaks about narrative. Do you think Chekhov used to go around when he had a lady and he used to go away off? Do you want to see Chekhov's gun? I'll tell you about it now, but you'll see it later. You know what I mean? No, because he was Russian.

Would you like to see Jakov's gun? I tell you about it now, but you won't see it till later. One of the greatest writers who ever lived in my... Thank you. I'm quite a good writer. Now, can we just press the button again? I've had Dominic Diamond tell me my writing is good. I tire.

I tire. Yeah, and we're playing a Gannon's Golden Games this week. And that is a game based on an unusual source. I think you'll agree. Well, they'll know because they will have seen your witty. Oh, the metadata shit. Yeah, we're talking about grumble. Yeah, we're talking about Grumbleweeds and we're playing eBay game.

And it's called eBay Gung. This is because I've already decided that's what it'd be funny to say, because they're northern Eby Gung. I got there for eBay. I said it first. I know, but that's because I told you that. I need it from you. I didn't make it.

You've told it. I said it, eBay gam. You are a horrible man. Once again, proving how horrible you are. Look, if I see something for you. You forgot my birthday. I didn't forget it. I texted you.

Don't even listen to this. You don't even like surprises. He's like, oh, tell them all in. You want to see my cock here. It is, love. Talk out now. Don't come out. Don't do that.

It's all done for me. What? Just say you'll always just skip to the end, don't you? No sense of pageantry. No joy in the art of suspense. Is that what you call for? Play with a lady. Pagentry.

Yes. Do I go. Here comes the man Marching up the queen I do I march off and down the bedroom And you tweak the nipple No

No She's lying in bed Put the thatch on You're wrong She's lying in bed She's lying in bed It's going to be something disgusting And then

Right the door flunges itself open No flings itself open And then you hear Dond Bedroom door Bedroom door She's lying naked on the bed I thought you were saying the door

You know what I mean The back door. The bedroom door flies open. Shut up. Shut up. Big poo comes out. Later. Bedroom door flies open.

I march in. You hear a rum to dum, rompidum, rompidum. There's the pageantry that proceeds full play in Paul's bedroom, everyone. And I'm marching in with my hand, I saluting. And I'm pointing to my penis and winking going, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's not a way.

Why is that cartoon music playing? Because it's joyous. It's a funny occasion. I want military music. It's got a bit of a military bit. It's a bit of a military bit. It's a bit diddly. It's for time for fuck.

Diddly. Upti diddly. Honestly, poor press. And I keep marching closer. She's getting really excited because my penis is bobbing because it's all hard and it's flexing.

On the top of it, I've got a little majorette hat and I've got my balls I've got a little stick on and this doing the whole swirling thing. I did this, but had a sort of surreal flare. I wish she'd stop to do that song.

everybody. I put myself in. I put myself in like this. I mean, I put myself out like that. Need I say anything. This is run out of steam. Well, you took the steam out of my wings.

Literally one thing when you referred to four players pageantry and now we're here five minutes later without any energy or mirth in us, Paul, because you pushed it. Now push the button. Let's do the fucking record. We're not allowed to say, but you'll hear just then eBay gum. That's the clue. Oh, put it in in the fatch hole, put the knob in the hole, put the knob in the hole. No, come, keep going.

Put the knob in the hole. No, you've ruined it. You've sullied it? I've sullied it. You've taken my joyous. You've taken my... It's unsoligable. Disney-esque, joyous march.

Disney-esque, joyous march. And I, you've sullied it by talking about backdoor love. Piss it up the wallie-esque. No, you see, that's just disgusting. Piss play. piss play and bump fun hey no

you're gonna build up trust before you do that with someone you're gonna build up trust before you start doing that I like to just do it the old-fashioned way with a little bit of joy

and a little bit of sparkling me said he's gonna do the spitting on his hand thing no I'm not I tell you I like he's gonna say I don't did itlidlidliddle you stop

I have to say something to everyone Paul I'm a little bit under the weather Eli likes dirty scat play and piss games that's what he's trying to say because he brings it up a lot. You just run straight.

Do you the one who brought it up? I ever mentioned it once. I told you are, but say what am I? Mate, if you keep talking about piss play... I don't keep saying it. You're in trouble. You said Disney-esque and I was making a poem and I said Pissney-esque. You're in trouble.

You're in trouble. You're in trouble. I didn't get that actually the first. I know, because you speak over me and I have to keep on going through. So all I can say is ladies-jever once again, pause one. Can I say something to them before we press the button? I'm going to press it now, so whatever it is you need to say, it's going to be cut short and not included in the final edit.

I can say it right now, and I'll just cut it out if there's an end of the process. Why be nasty? I tried to play along with your game. You didn't. You talked over me and you wouldn't let me do like... What, when you were going a didly, diddley, didly. Yeah, you were belittling it. I always have to sit back.

You belittled my diddley, didly. I can neither sally nor belittle. You belittle my bediddley. I can neither belittle nor sally your level of humour, Because it's already completely sullied And little as it can be There's no belittling something that's already microscopic Terrible co-host

There's no belittling something that's already microscopic And sullied so bad Four minutes of this argument Ultimate Salit Can't even say that right, can you? Oh Al-Bel-Nallel-a-Solid Twash

Come on, I'm just a bit under the weather That's what I wanted to say to everyone Good, like every fucking week No, no What you do is this week, you make an exception and say, hey, everybody, I'm in a good mood. I'm in a good mood. I'm just, I have a cold. I have a cold.

I can admit these things when I have a cold. I don't always have a cold. You're always ill. Sniffle, cock, ache. Yeah. Booze, hangover. Oh my God, I knew you did. I shouldn't have said it.

I shouldn't have said it. Press the button. We're a horrible man. Well, it would be a silverman's platter. And I guess it is kind of a silverman's platter. isn't it? I found this. Yeah,

and I got the other one for this. So Paul's platters and Silverman's platter therefore creates Silverman Gannon's platter. Oh my God. Paul, let's... Disc boys.

No, don't click it. I'm in charge of a podcast. I'm in charge of your podcast. I've got a fucking, the virus has developed in the time since we last recorded. Oh, great. No, just turn it in this episode

into outbreak. Why don't we? Did a nasty monkey bite year on the knobber, did it? Is that what happened in outbreak? No. Someone got bit by a monkey and outbreak. And then Dustin Hoffa goes, I got a monkey.

Where's a monkey? You're doing impressions because we just listen to the grumbleweeds. Yeah, maybe. I've let it go. Always let it go, ladies and gentlemen. All that pageantry. Oh, my gosh. Oh, please.

I'm actually burning up here. Tell me where you found this record, please. I cannot remember, but it must have been. in a charity shop. Fine, okay, cool. It's in great Nick. It is in great Nick. You've got it behind you.

It is from a band called the Grumble Weeds. Isn't that right? Grumble Weeds album, it says. Now, on the front cover, Paul, why does the album have a little yellow mark through the L there? Because the album is officially called Grumbleweed's All Bum. Oh, so that's like a comma between all and bum. Album, Al Bum, so it's basically saying the word bum is funny.

Oh, Bum. Yeah, so get rid of it. And my name is Al and my second name is bum. Yeah, or Al-Bom. Woo, that's not a good joke to go with for their first album. Is it their first album? No. But we'll get to that in a minute because until you brought this to my attention

and dropped it off in my flat and just waltzed out without a care in the world, I'd realise we'd never really talked about the grumbleweeds on this show, even though they pop up all the time throughout the 70s and 80s on like entertainment. I remember it must have been, when did they, were they still going in the 90s? No. Their heyday would have been late 70s to late 80s. They had an ITV show that ran from, I think, 86 to 89, and that was their last gasp of proper TV. I saw them. I saw it on TV. Yeah, it was on ITV. It was reasonably successful, you know. So effectively, the Grumbleweeds were a musical group that ended up folding in comedy to their live shows and their performances, and then that got them a break on Opportunity Knox, that they either won or they did very well. on, enough to get them more gigs, a Radio 2 comedy show. Ah, they started on the radio?

They certainly their big break was. They did things like the Will Tappers and Shunters Club for the BBC, which we've talked about briefly in the past, but effectively that was a variety show on BBC that affected a Northern Working Man's Club kind of show. So it was like Northern Comics, Northern Acts, variety magic, strip teas, even, some bloody weeks, whatever happened at a Working Men's Club would be at that show. And they got a break on that, the same as Little and Lodge. and Cannon & Ball.

They all appeared on the Wheel Tapper's show before. And these are all people from the Northwest, generally speaking? Well, yes, because it goes back to, without going on a derailing kind of thing too much, is that effectively, comedy before the 60s was kind of regionalized more than it was. So if you were a northern comic, you worked in the north.

Southern comics worked in the South. Yes. Unless you were big, you would never really stray out of your kind of postcode, by and large. Then the Beatles were a huge success, right, and Northern accents and accents in general became more accepted on the BBC.

The received pronunciation was shoved out and more friendly, welcoming northern voice was brought in. With the acceptance of Northern accents in general, the BBC was being more representative, and certainly ITV was more representative of the working classes' audience that were becoming more affluent, getting TVs

and things, and they were reflected more long story short, bands like the Grumbleweeds, the Black Abbots, which is where Russ Abbott eventually came from, because he was a drummer in a band, and then he started adding comedy to his live shows because they were touring northern shows kind of thing This is about the same time as people like Jasper Carrot

and Billy Connolly would have been all on the folk circuit It's the same sort of it's a same sort of route From being musical and playing clubs To being a comic Do you see what I mean? Yeah and it's also more transferable skills to radio back then you know But also both from the same part of the world Well he's from Scotland obviously Connolly

But yeah But no effectively the rule still applies It was like, oh, and all of a sudden, it wasn't uncommon to see Northern taste reflected on what was initially a very buttoned-up BBC, right? And Grumbleweeds got through off the back of that, especially because shows like Opportunity Knox would also bring in people from around the country. Yeah. And even if you look at ITV at that time in the 17th, when it was all region-focused, very few of those shows were national, apart from the big shows ITV had. And just to be clear, Grumbleweeds did end up getting a national ITV show, yeah. On a Saturday or something was it?

Without looking at it right now, I don't know, because I had a quick look at Wikipedia, but I wanted to just kind of give the gist of what the grumbleweeds are. Anyway, the album you got me, is their second album. The all album, the Grumperweeds album. The first album in 1971 was called In a Technicolor Dream, all spelled incorrectly. I want to get that. They were formed in 1962. Yes, you boy.

Yes, pick your hand up. It says the grumbleweeds are on this album. Yeah. Obviously, before we get to that, the lineup did all. alter over the course of 30 years or whatever the fuck but yeah, go on Colin's meant to be there

from the beginning yes and sadly was there till the very bitter end but it says here the rumble weeds left and right are Graham bass Morris rhythm

yeah Carl lead guitar and Moog Robin drums and Albert lead vocal drums on Robin on drums also one of the better musicians yeah and Robin form the group

the drums are pretty good aren't they no this before we'll get into it a little bit but musically nothing to complain about they probably were like quite a They were obviously well-drilled sort of club session group kind of thing. Yeah, club acts, like, you know.

So Robin, the drummer, is the one who's quite good with all the impressions, I believe. As well. Yeah. He was originally a jukebox mender. He would go around fixing jukeboxes in 1960s. That's a real 60s profession, isn't it? Yeah. He was fixing machine in some cafe and saw Maurice Lee, who said was rhythm, right?

I think he's the tallest one with the biggest hair in the beard. Morris's rhythm guitar, yeah Okay Oh, he's the big hairy one It looks a bit like a gib Yeah, he was another long-standing member Yeah, that's the one He's got such a good look, man

cheesy. They're all in their club suits on this Their tuxedoes on the cover Yeah You can tell that was taking After a gig or before a gig At the Butlins in Prestatin Something like that

Something like that So yeah They got together initially Because he heard him playing guitar I can do this And then they got another guy In called Graham He joined us well

They all found that they could play different instruments. Apparently, Albert, who was the... I think Albert's the short guy in the band. Yeah, that one. He apparently, if I've got this right, was an opera-trained singer. Oh, there's an opera bit on the record, isn't there? Yes, lead vocal, Albert. And he also had his own microphone, so that was quite handy for the band starting out, apparently, as well.

He's also clearly smoking a cigarette behind this bloke's fat head. Yeah. And they've said, put the fag, put out on his head. The photographer's gone, put it back. Don't smoke, just put the fag So anyway, they all got together Five of them eventually And they performed at the Battle of the Bands

organised by a Leeds-based newspaper On the same night, 28th of June 1963, that the Beatles played the venue as a second to the bill on Ackabilk and the Jazz Man Acabilk you see in charity shops His record And all he did was play the clarinet right

But he was huge Trad jazz Trad jazz That's what was known as trad jazz Why does that mean? Traditional jazz Yes Because it was more like that sort of...

Isn't jazz by definition on traditional? No. Trad jazz is more like the... What do they call? No. Oh my God, that's not jazz. You're doing scat sing. Yeah, but you do jazz and scat.

No. I do jizz and scat. Dixie, you know, Dixie, early jazz. Yeah, Dix, Jiz and Scat. That's what I like. You know, like Dixieland, early jazz. That's what... A bit ragtimey.

Yeah, ragtime and Dixie. Yeah. Dixieland. Yeah, page. century. Oh, God, God, you killed it. You killed my... I'm trying not to be feverish and making it worse.

But yes, there was a big movement with people like Akebilt playing what was seen as trad. Because by the 60s, like 50s, you've got B-Bop, new bop, all of these more avant-garde, people like Miles Davis, coming through with different contemporary jazz. So there were different genres and music, essentially. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, they were on the same bill as the Beatles, basically, at the same venue.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I tell you what, before we go any further, let's play something from this first album, a little snatch of grumble. What were we going to play? Well, I was just thinking playing something from the beginning when they were... Play some of that funk, the funk groove that starts the album. No business like show business thing. Because just for a bit of preface to this, they're selling this album and the idea is that if you went to see them live, this is what you'd kind of get as an album. It says on the sleeve notes here.

It represents exactly where the grumble weeds are at. Yeah, man. The obvious comedy feel is there to unwind and put you in a carefree mood as you spin through the various phases of sounds. The 60s, it says, this is interesting. The 60s play a big part in all our musical lives because that's where our roots began to flower into the five weeds. So they refer to themselves as the five weeds.

I almost feel like they don't, on this record, they can't really decide whether they haven't decided to go full on the comedy. No. And it says the obvious comedy feel is there, but we also want to kind of be taken seriously as musicians as well because they can play, obviously. But you see what I mean? Yeah.

And it says here we would like to thank Vic Gam for his invaluable engineering. Vic Gamms sounds like is like the most someone who helped with the engineering on a record from the 70s name of anyone I've ever heard. Give it to Vic. He'll fix it. Vic Gam. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've got it. I can press an album for you.

Of course I will. Vic Gam. I've just got to get the butcher band done first and then I've got the old girl choir. They've got to have a comfortable. I'll do your laugh at the end. Where's Vic? He's in the lockup. He's in the nick.

Vic's in the nick. He'll still do you a couple of copies, he's pressing, though. He's got something on the side. Anyway, let's play a bit of the first track then, which is them doing no business like show business. I'll think I've got an idea. I'll think I'll be an act to understand.

I'll just move these and make a little stage. Oh, I think I've got more trouble. Don't panic, and panic, and panic. And let's go on with the show. And that's a bit of that. Now, as you said, and as I will now repeat, proficiently, the music is really nice on this. You can tell from the playing that,

They're a very good band musically. Well, they're proficient, I'd say. Yeah, but proficient still has to have some fucking passion and still involved. Yeah, they're tight, they sound clubby, like drilled. There's not a lot of flair or sort of, you know, but they're tight and drilled. But what I don't understand, one of the questions I don't have an answer to here is where they got the name Grumbleweeds from. Maybe I should look for it when we do the next break and I can answer it without having to look at my phone now. I should do that or should I do it now?

This is too much behind the curtain stuff. What do you think I should do now? I think you should... Oh, I feel really bad, Paul. I feel really bad. I'm going to be in bed all day tomorrow. Where did the grumbleweed... Oh, I'm going to go to do the note of record.

Where did the grumbleweeds get their name from? Masking the computer land on the thing. And it will say, oh, I've taken a picture of your screen. There doesn't seem to be anything there, weren't it? His voice search is ruined. There's various answers to this based on various interviews they've done. They say it's a made-up swear word created by founder Robin Colville's sister.

So like saying, you're a bunch of grumbleweed, you are. Right. You dirty grumbleweed. Like, you know, matted, scat, bummer. I would call those grumbleweeds. Oh, right. The grumbleweeds is around the bum. No, I'm saying that now.

I'm now claiming the name grumbleweeds to mean matted, shit-caged bum pubis. It's not called bum pubis. Why isn't bum-air pubis? You didn't have hair before. It's not pubic hair. Yeah, but you didn't have hair there before you had pubes. Before what?

So why are the front one? one's pubes and the back one's not. Then neither of them are pubis. Pubis is the bone. So why are they called pubes? Why not just ball hair? Because they're on that bone. The bone is the pubis.

I'm trying to bring some sense to this conversation. The bone is the pubic bone. So hair is pubic hair that is on the pubic bone. Why do we call them pubes then? I just call them hares. Call them pubes because they're pubic hairs. There's no such thing as pubes. The bum hairs are bum hairs.

I bet they've got their own Latin word. I think bum hairs are pubs. I bet they're called anal hairs or something. Ask it. This is much more important. It's not actually. Yes, it is. It's not.

What a bum wear is? What? Hey, Siri, what are bum hairs? What's the scientific name for bum hairs? Okay, Google. What's the scientific name for bum hairs? According to Healthline, body hair is completely normal. Even on your buttocks and between your butt cheeks.

This type of hair is called velus hair. Velas hair. Vellis hair. Did it say ass hair is called vellis hair? Yeah, vellis hair. Really? Yeah. See, now we learn.

Pubis, vellis. Pubis valis. Everybody talk about pubis. About pubis. Music, talk about pub velis. Talk about pub valis. Hey, yeah, mate, what about this? Right?

He's just thought of a pun. I have, actually. I've ghosted on this. Grumbleweeds, right, is matted shit vellus. Vellus. Yeah. Is it really vellis or is that just body hair? It says particularly around the bum cheeks.

It's called vellis hair. Was I right then? Can I just, was I right about it? Yeah, it wasn't pub, but he didn't say it was right. You started by calling it pubis. I said. You said it's pubis. I said, I don't know.

You said, shit matted pubis. Play it back. You said shit matted pubis. Utter nonsense. Let me just play that clip back now. Shit matted velus. I see. I said it right.

Come on. Anyway, so yeah, Grumbleweed is a made-up swear word name. In 2004, Robin tried to recall where the miserable sounding name came from and explained that his sister used it

to make up her own... She used to make up her own swear words and that was one of them. That seems likely. Then they said it potentially held back our career in the music industry having that name. Well, also the fact that you put jokes in. They held you back, you know? Maybe, but I kind of feel that to him.

To be fair, to the grumbleweed for a minute, that's kind of sad because, yes, maybe the name itself held them back, whatever. But, like, what they were doing was the popular trend of the time. So it made sense. There were a lot of wacky band names at the time that were doing that circuit. What do you mean? Well, like, you know, the Black Abbots, like I said, before. four was Russ Abbott's band. It was Russ Abbott's band.

And they did comedy as well as music. Well, eventually they started out doing music, session stuff. And then, because they were doing all the 50s and 60s, then a few sketches or characters came in. And then that became more of a thing, similar to Billy Conley. Yeah, he played the banjo. Exactly. So do you think the Grumbleweeds had gigs just because they did like a club residency?

And then they just started putting gags in and did he, you know, and they went, oh, Robin, when you did that funny voice, they loved that. And then it just built. And the Grumbleweeds band was that. But again, What was the name of the Billy Connolly band they was called? Like the Humble Bums, right? And that's the one he was in with Jerry Rafferty of Steelers Wheels.

Yeah, but that's no real difference than Grumbleweeds, really. That's why I drew the comparison. Yeah. It's that era. That era seems to be filled with people who started off as musicians. Yeah. And then sort of fell into being comics. But the tragedy is, is that they kind of strangled their own career

by adjusting to the popular trends at the time, meaning that, when you get through your peak years all of a sudden the things attached to you as a brand are out of favour it's harder to rebrand yourself with the name like Grumbleweeds Yeah, I can see that, yeah That's all I'm saying It's a weird name

And they could have gone with something maybe that would have worked better If they wanted to be a pop act Come on, baby, let the good times roll Come on let the good times row With the Grumbleweeds The album that's one big party I'm so dancing

My head is spinning The more I see you 14 fun-filled favourites from TV's most fun-loving stars It's all for music for good times Let the good times roll The Grubble Wees on album and cassette now But they're also not very poppy It's not very like, you know

What are they saying They didn't have like a big novelty hit No like the Wurzel's had You know several I want to be your combine half of it or whatever I'm a cider drinker All of those You know what I mean

They're almost I always get them Kind of confused With the words or In my mind I don't think Outside of their theme tune They did anything original

Yeah I think it was all covers And spoofs And genre likes And a lot of it Is impersonation Certainly the first album Was more music heavy

Yes With a few comedy Sprinkles throughout Whereas the second one Is far more Sketchforward Character Impressions And the music is like

In Between Those bits Not as good The quality's gone down, if you ask me. It's not even like its quality's gone down. The focus has shifted more to the comedy, completely, yeah. And if you like it, great. If you don't, then it's probably tawdry to sit through.

The thing I enjoyed most was the Old Man River, because that had some actual, and it reminded me that Stan Freeberg's song, a banana boat song, come in again, you know, all of that. I wonder if that was basically not stolen, but like heavily improvised. It seems like it, because it's very similar. You know, someone starts a song and then someone interrupts and says, no, no, no. Can't say, can't do that.

Yeah, yeah. Can't say that. Change that. You got to go all this. Which is exactly the same structure as the Stan Freeberg song. Yeah. Banana Boat or whatever it's called. Old Man River.

That Old Man River. Excuse me. Sorry. What's up? What are you doing? Old Man River. Old man. We can't do that, you see.

We can't. No, well, you can't sing Old. Hey? You might offend some of the senior citizens that might be listening to this record. Old? Oh, you can't sing. All right, then what do we sing? Elderly.

Elderly? Yes. Mouse drop. Thank you. Elderly man river. That elderly man river, he don't know nothing. Oh, what's it? Excuse me.

Oh, how can you? He don't know nothing? Well, he doesn't know no. Oh, there are children listening to this record. We have got to set a good example, haven't? Yes, he don't know nothing He doesn't know anything Doesn't he?

No Oh, flipping hummary Elderly man river That elderly man river He doesn't know anything He must know Some something That elderly man river

He just keeps rolling alone. Very nice, man, come on. You don't plan cedars? You know, I have not. Hey, what are taters? Spuds. Spuds?

Spuds. Spuds. Spuds. S. P. Uds. Little round, nobly things that come in sacks and spacemen laugh at them. Neeming, me, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, whatever that is. But again, the grumbleweeds are fine.

It's like they popped up everywhere in the 80s. They had their own TV show. They had, you know, fucking appearances on the wheel, tap and shoulders. Morecambe and Wires, probably, you know what I mean? They probably popped up in a lot of places. My memory is of being at boarding school, I believe, in the late 80s. Yeah. And watching a program that wasn't their program, but then they had a big sort of section of the program.

Am I just hallucinating this? It was like someone else was presenting the program, but then it was like a grumble weeds, a whole extended grumbleweed segment. I don't know, based on what I see on the website. And I remember thinking at the time, who the fuck are they? Because they seemed like well established,

like this was a thing. Yeah. But I'd never seen it before. You know, it's like a bit like Roy J or something like that. Well, do you know who they remind me most of? The goodies. Yes. Now, although the goodies and these are completely separate,

completely divergent origin stories in terms of taste and style, their music albums have a lot of similar. And certainly Bill Odie is the most frustrated musical act. It's like, at least the goodies had hits, right? Yes. But I always feel like... The Funky Gibbon, do, do, do the Funky Gibbon. Yeah.

Is that a big one? The Santa down the chimney one, whatever that one was. I saw Santa kissing lady, my mommy kissing Santee Claus. I can't remember. Well, they had a few hits. In between us was another one. I tell you what, it's the classic charity shop, Box of Sevens, where you're flicking through and you see the Funky Gibbon and you see the Funky Gibbon.

And the other one is, that's the Funky Gibbon. That must have been their biggest seller The goodies because it's everywhere It's funky moped Jasper Carrick, yeah The reason why I say it is because Bill Oddy is like the most frustrated musician I've ever heard of in my life

where I think he would much rather have been a fucking rock and roll star than a really grouchy, miserable comedian who seemingly resents everything he's fucking done that's ever been popular Who has rotten feet Apparently soos Bill Audie

Apparently sues did you say Apparently soes But I did say sues And he said the me side instead of B-side before as well I'm glad you're taking notes I'm just why you're writing down

you're not writing anything down now correcting host correcting you said strictly weird on that video I didn't I didn't and the edit proves that I'm gonna mention that now I'm gonna mention that now

I'm gonna get to the next bit of music or something yeah I'll tell you what we'll pick a clip stop trying to talk too fast here is the second album that I bought myself on eBay for two pound But this is from the fourth album, I think.

Oh, so this is the second. So there's one in between these two. Which is highlights from their Radio 2 show. We're just looking at the two albums. And that one's called... The next one was called Comedy from their Radio 2 series in 79. This is 81, and it's called War I have a Garumie pocket. And it's got an angry sunflower or something on the front saying,

What have a Garummy Pocket. It's a grumbleweed. It's a weed that's grumbling, isn't it? Yeah. I hadn't put that together. a compilation of sketches, voices, and songs all original and previously unrecorded. There's a reason there's that unrecorded, unreleased

because it's not their best work. It's not great. This album is the very definitive of what the weeds are all about, bringing music and comedy into the lives of all age groups, a perfect way to take the five loonies home with you. So they're trying to be family entertainment as well.

Yeah, so they haven't had their ITV show yet, but they had had a success on the radio. And then their last album, in 86, is called Let the Good Time as well, to add to that, the Grummelweeds recorded the song String of Beads to celebrate Leeds United's 1972 F-A-Cup Final. Why is it called String of Beads, I wonder? Sex Beeds.

I mean, that's exactly what I thought as well. I was thinking sex beads. Oh, you know, like milky beads. I was thinking of like Catholics when they fiddle with their rosary beads. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and when the Turkish have those worry beads as well. Those are, they're the same thing, aren't they? No, I don't think they are.

The worry beads. They're like a fidget toy. They're like an ancient fidget toy. Yeah, they are. So, let's play. What should we play from this one? Jimmy Saville. No, because the Jimmy Saville one.

It's like, oh, Jimmy, but the actual sketch is quite boring. It's quite a good impression. It's a very good impression. I'll say Robin is good at impressions. And some of them have their own little silly voices. I don't like the childish voice that keeps coming in. It's just like it's not funny. It's terrible.

It's annoying. It's like a second-rate sort of goons. I just put a bit in of their major theme that they end up using in the TV show. Put the theme on. I'll do that then. What are the words that? tremble on your sensuous lips. Twice I've had to scrub these steps, I'll kill that cat.

Well, I want to cry when I want to and breathe the fish in the sea. We are the grumbleweeds. Well, are we are the brumbleweeds? Mr. Ted Partage from the Midlands has claimed that for the last 25 years not a single word has passed his lips. How's that? He talks down his nose.

Oh, we are the Bromblewee. Ha ha ha ha. An har, an a whar, and a whar, and another whar, and a ha ha ha. Well, I tell him, about a whore, I tell him better. Did you hear the one? I did. I'll tell you another. Okay.

Did you hear the one about it? the Irishman who stole a calendar. He got 12 months. We are the Brumbleweeds. For sale, large friendly Alsatian and 12 pairs of trousers with the bodies ripped out. So unlike a lot of comedians we cover on this show

that have released stuff, I don't feel dirty from having listened to the Grumbleweeds. Now, there are a few gags and impressions that they do, which in today's society they would get scorn that for certain phrases. Yeah, but they're trying to be family. So it's not a lot of blue stuff. No. It's not like avertly nasty racist stuff, is there?

No, there's none of that really. It's obviously got it of its time humor. But ultimately, it's like these albums are genuinely inoffensive and speak to some extent of their talent. Yes. And obviously they had some kind of longevity as a group. I wonder what happened. Some of them passed away. Well, yeah.

I'd like to know what happened to the Grumbleweed. Paul. The potted version basically is this, is that after the 80s, that their kind of peak was gone, right? So they started doing more kind of, you know, end of peer shows, summer seasons. Yeah, because by the early 80s, you've got the young ones and that, all the alternative stuff coming in. That wouldn't have affected them too much. It was just they had their moment in the sun. Yeah. Based on the climate of what light entertainment was back then. And they never got really huge. They were on TV, but they weren't really big. They didn't. No. So then they started doing Butlans in Pontians in Ponte. and those kind of things, which is where I saw them. I saw them live at a Butland's Inn. I want to say real... You went to a Butland's back in the 80s? No, this is in the 90s.

This is like, I want to say 93? Something like that. 94, 93. And they were doing a show out the main stage. And it was, to be honest, packed. I remember it being a packed show. And based on the albums we've listened to today, it seems like in the memory, they did something very similar.

Songs that wouldn't get started, proper covers, mega mixes, sketches in between the things. That's their act. It's very much a sort of blestined. of music Yeah with the comedy and when we were listening

I said they're taking a lot from other people who innovated such as Spike Jones Yes Yeah yeah yeah They're taking sort of a lot of And some of the references

Are quite clever For example At the end of that song They have something Blisters or something Yeah Which is a reference To the Beatles

Helter Skelter Which off the white album Which famously has Ringo Yeah At the end I got blisters And also it's the smash reference

Oh yeah the Smash Monsters reference, which is, you know, funny enough, it was fine. But what I was going to say then about the album? You put, oh, you fucking did it again. You're interrupting cunts. I'm sorry. I was just going to say, yeah.

So, okay, after that... Have you remembered? I know where I'm going. So in the 90s, yes, it was all trailing off, summer seasons. Oh, yeah, you saw it live. Yeah, that's what you were. And then it gets a bit tragic.

It's like, do you know, Stuart Millard did a video on James Whale? And James Whale... Was a cunt. Was a cuns. But also, he has one of the grumbleweeds sitting off to the side. I think it's even Robin now. And at this point he's now a trained hypnotherapist and he's trying to walk his words.

And he's doing bits and bobs. So I think towards the end, there's certainly the last decade of, I don't know, whatever, it's all been a bit, you know, scrambling for any attention. Because all the others are either gone or dead now. And I think Robin's the last one standing. And he's still around to this day?

I believe so, unless Wikipedia is currently out of date. Right. But anyway, out of all that, then let's wrap this up. The grumbleweeds, Eli. Is it a splatter or a platter based on what you've heard today? I'd say the first, the album was more of a platter and the, uh, warra avagora in my pocket, much more of a splatter. Yeah.

I'd say that. What would you say? I would overall give them the platter. But yes, there is a marked difference between that first album we've got there, which is a bit more kind of musically whole. It has more class. And this one feels more produced to be a slightly cheesy comedy album. Yeah.

And just not as good. No. And their costumes change. It's funny to see... On the first album, they're all in their blues, in their blue suits. But on the back of the first album, they're all in their sort of, we want to be legit, sort of heavy, hard rock sort of... They've got that kind of classic sort of flares, 70s look,

long hair, like a rock band. But then, by then, they look like they're in Chas and Dave's private club or something. I mean, that looks like the corner of Mecca Bingo in Real in 1981 or whatever. In the 80s, they've got much more casual gear. This guy's got like a sports... You've got a shirt open with a big old shirt. and the little ones that down. I like the Paul McCartney

Half-Dun-Tie suit combo trainers. Yeah, that's what I mean? What do they call it? Sports Jacket they used to call those, didn't they? Anyway, there's the Grumbleweeds. Finally covered on Cheap Show in reasonably fine detail. Grumbleweeds. We're the Grumbleweeds.

Rest in peace. I guess what I'll give you five marks. Cheap. Don't give him a car thing. I want to set a little storm. You see, people in show business are like mineers. I smile with the old love Yesterday

I told you you were not your boy that night you open And there you are Next day on your dressing room Let's hard Let's go on at the show It is sadly the segment of the show called Gannon's Golden Games, and when I announced that, it is only then natural for Eli to get all up inside himself

and give us his rendition of the theme tune, which unfortunately this week sounds like this. Again, it's golden guys. Again, it's golden guys. Amy is a terrier. I was scared it's golden guys. It's a game. I'm going to ask you to stop because I was getting dangerly close to slap time. Slap time. So this game, I confess. I need you to focus while I do this next bit.

I can't focus. You're the reason why I fail. Oh! Whoa! Whoa! You're the reason why I fumble, because I don't have space to breathe and express myself without thinking you're going to jump in with more mouth spaghetti. You do nothing but fail. Because of you, because I do everything with you.

This is really... I'm just going to say it out loud now. Very typical. You fail because of me. This is your whole paradigm, isn't it? Yeah. You've built up over the years. I don't need to build it up, mate.

It was cemented from day one. You are my Achilles heel. professionally, and as a friend as well, forgetting my birthday. Oh, here we go. You're just the weak link. Don't you think you're a tough person to buy presents for? No.

Get me a pin badge. Get me any old pin badge. I've got loads of pin badges. I don't. Give me a pin badge. Do you want a pin badge? I've got one here. No, I don't know.

You see, this is why you're shit. It's Gannon's Golden Games. This segment of the show I bring along a board game that I have found, usually in a charity shop. But this time, I must confess, I bought it on eBay, which is funny because the game is about buying things on eBay. It's an eBay the board game.

It is. It's just called eBay the board game. I honestly had no idea that's existed. What happened was I have a search engine function on eBay that looks for board game. It's like classic, retro, board game, toy, whatever. Yeah. And also one of them is electronic, because sometimes any electronic board game comes up and you go, I've never heard of this before.

Would you say that's your specialty as a collector? You like the electronic elements? There's a gamble there. The order of the game is, the less. It's probably going to work when you get your hands on it. Yeah, of course. So this is what... When do you think this came out?

I think it could be like early 2000s. Yeah. 2003? I think it is 2003-4. So not too bad. 2001. So eBay had only really been a thing for... I can even look up now.

eBay, American multinational e-commerce company based in San Jose, California. eBay was founded by... Pierre Omidyar, Omidja, sorry sir, in September 1995. It had 132 million yearly active buyers worldwide and handled 73 billion in transactions in 2023 alone. It's funny because it predates even the rise of Google, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It was one of the actual original killer apps or like things that got big just...

It survived the dot-com boom. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's almost like symbolic of the dot-com boom. But it survived it, didn't it? I mean, in many respects, there's been no real competition to eBay. Facebook markets. But that's really untrustworthy. Well, at least with eBay, you can get warranties.

If you buy it on a credit card, they can protect your money if you're ripped off. I think you have far more like stability buying something on eBay than you would with Facebook Marketplace. Anyway, you used to work essentially as a seller on eBay, didn't you? No, no. What happened was when I first met my, would then become my wife. We spent a summer in L.A. where I got to meet her family and parents. And part of the way for me to spend a few months there was to get a visa, do a bit of work and then a bit of money. And one of the things they asked me to do was her parents were business managers for certain celebrities.

And so we were asked to go in and log. So, for instance, they own some properties. It's like people, like the head of MGM rented one of their houses when they moved out and wanted to sell everything that was in there. So then I would go in and look around everything that he had, take pictures and then put them up on eBay. And it was quite, it was like, this guy had like rare retro radios from the 50s. He had a lot of stuff. A lot of like Halifane lamp shades, which are like things that hotels get made and they're really expensive and fragile. Like those fixtures in a hotel, yeah.

So for about, I don't know, like three months of my life in late 90s. I see. Okay. I had an impression that you actually sort of did it as a job for a few years. Not really. It's just a way for me to kind of earn my keep while I was out there and earn a bit of money. And to be fair, through it, I got to clear my stuff. student debt before I finished university. They paid you a commission on each sale

you made? Yeah, basically. It was. Yeah, so good. But yeah, so this is a board game based on eBay. Yay. It cost me $8. Oh, that's not very much. Guess how much it cost to actually send it to me? Fifty dollars. It was like 30.

And it took about a week and a half. The buyer was very... From the States. Yeah. The buyer was very cool. They reached out and said, you don't mind if we sell it, if we said it to you slow because that way it'll be cheaper, blah, blah, blah. I'm trying to think if there's any... Do you think there's been Facebook the board game? No, I look this up on the back of it

just to see if anything else. There's no Myspace board game, no Facebook. There was, I think, a Friends reunited board game. I bet there's a YouTube board game. I bet you there is. There might be games based on YouTube celebrities. Right. But I don't believe there's a YouTube board game.

Okay. Well, it's a... I'm happy to stand corrected. It's quite an unusual thing. This is unusual. Games, yeah. This is before, this is when eBay was sort of seen as something good, and the whole of the internet had been sullied by human grotesqueness.

You know, it's very much, it's giving me a bit of a nostalgia from when there was some optimism in the world. Early 2000s, mate, it all could have been so beautiful. I wish I hadn't blown it. Right, we're not going to go down that rabbit hole. Right, we can't get into the game? Can I just say one thing before you press the button? You're my failure.

Right, I could have stopped the button. You're why I fail. Yeah. Good. Good. You just want to drag me to hell. Is that what you want to do? I don't care about you, Eli, Jacob Silverman.

I'm just fresh the button, you dick. No, you keep the show going. When you give the show, you're disagreeable. You're an emotionally flat, unpleasant wanker. I'm too emotional. That's my problem. All I do is cry. You have flat affect, my friend.

The flat affect of a socio or psychopath. Only within the confines of Cheap Show HK. No, no. I've seen you in real life. Anyone who knows me. seen you in real life. I've seen you in real life. I've seen you. I've seen you in real life. Flat affect and a sociopath's mind. Don't try it. Ego-ridden half-wit. Ooh. With a sense of grandeur you do not earn. I've got a better degree than you.

What, have you got a degree in? English and American Studies. I have a degree in English. You've got a two-two. I got two-one. I've got a CD right on hand. I'll show you right now. I'll lie. I've got a degree. I'm lying. I've a 2-1 in my degree. Oh my god. You're reshaping fucking reality. I'm getting you my CV out to prove this because... Oh, your CV that proves it, doesn't it? Yeah, because... You told me it was 2-2. I've never told you 2-2. I said there was a joke about if you went to ballet university, what do you leave with? A 2-2. That was the joke.

Anyway, I'm sick of this. Press the bun. This is all the thing I'm right about. Like the same. It's over. No, this is over. This conversation's over. Half-wit. How dare you? Arrogent egotist. Okay, fine. I can go with that. Yes. And an undeserved sense of grandeur. Yes. I'll definitely go with that as well. But I'm not half with. Fear. I'm fear of being incorrect. I'm not scared of being incorrect.

You don't like it when I'm correct. I take it. I take it like a man, Paul. You do you? You, you. It's you. You feel vulnerable about being incorrect. I'm vulnerable about a lot of things, but I'm very open about it. Everything, you might say. Like a fucking scab under a scab. Therefore, would you say I couldn't be sociopathic by that logic then? Therefore, correct. So, once again, Paul's right.

And I think that's the major thing here. Press the bottom. button. Does anyone like this anymore? Caught you in word riddle work. Shut up. Right, eBay the game. Now, it's meant to be played with three people minimum. Or four. Or four, I guess. You could do between three and four players there's in the box.

There's no between. They're the next letter number on. There could be someone with a leg missing. Three point five players. How come off this thing? All right, all right. It was right there. Ages, 10 to adult, three to four players. You don't have to get online to bid and buy eBay style. electronic talking auction game. So the idea is it's a card-based bidding game

and the computer in the middle tells you when bids are open and closed and you've got to put price cards on top of it. So we're going to play obviously against each other but we'll take turns being the third person making decisions based on the moment we're in as that third person, right? Fine.

So there are three piles of items. Oh, it's kind of complicated because we saw the rules and it's easy to play, but I feel like explaining it's going to over and cumber me. over encumber you. Do you want me to explain it? Yeah, you do actually. That would be interesting to see your interpretation.

You've got a circular device, essentially, more than a board, with buttons on, and it has three spokes coming off. Each spoke has a little discard tray that's empty, and above the discard tray towards the centre of the thing. That's where you put your bids for the item. There are three decks of cards, all are the auction, auction items. They all represent auction items And a few special cards

But I reckon we'll get to those If we get to those And each card Auction item card Has an estimated price Which is face up We can see And up on the back it has

The real price Which you only reveal At the very end of the game When you add up who is one Yeah Because you're trying to make As much money as possible In this game

Before the time runs out Right There are coloured bid cards So each player gets at one colour Blue, yellow Or red or green And you press the thing In the middle

and it will go green. And then you bid for the top item on the deck with a price. That player, the green player, does that? And you can put on any of the three items available. And then it shouts out another colour, and then that colour puts their bid down for either the same item or another.

Right. And then eventually the machine goes, Bay three, because there's three of bays, Bay three item is closed. Whoever's got the top card on that, wins that item. Then takes that item, puts it in their little pile. That bid card is removed.

And then anyone bids before that are given back to you. Because you've only got a certain amount of cards for bid numbers on. Only the winning bid card gets removed. That makes sense. If you end up bidding high on a card and putting a top one down to win it. Then you've lost one of your I bid cards. Which you might need for a more expensive item later in the game.

You want to actually think about how much each of these things is worth. Yeah. If you get any three, because they come in categories, there's just very briefly, I'll read from the back. There is collectibles, everything else, pottery and glass, toys and games and hobbies, antiques and art. If you get a set more than three That's right If you get more than three You've collected a set of that genre

And that means they're double points When you count them up at the end Okay, so you are going to trying to get these sets of three Which is similar to Jin Rami Where you have to get those melches Additional, there's a card There are some special cards in the pack And one of them, they're called display case cards

You bid for them like you would bid with any other item And that means if you have a set of three cards Having a display case card as well adds more money to the overall double amount But you have to have three of the same, of that category already. Yeah. Okay. But you don't know when those cards are coming up, so you don't know when to bid for them or not.

I see. And then that's it. And then it just, the computer keeps spitting out numbers and bays to bid on. It's funny. All the categories feel like the early days of eBay as well. Like they wouldn't categorize items in that same way, you know? I mean, it's crazy now what you can get on eBay. Everything.

Food. Yeah. Fucking clothing. Fucking this, fucking that. So the idea is you bid until basically either all your cards are gone or the game computer says it's all over. You count up all. all the cards you've got.

See how many sets of three? See how many sets of three you got? Including their real price. If you can double it and if you've got a display case. Display case, extra. What extra card is called a gift card? If you win the bid on that,

it means I can ask for any item you've got that you've already won. This is at the end when we're adding up. No, you can play it during the game. Ah, okay. So if you go and I get that, if you win the gift card, you Nick, okay. So you do it in between pressing the button.

Yeah. Okay, let's play. So we're going to play eBay the game. Let's, uh, start bidding. And now the end is near, and so I face a final bidding. From A to Z, from there to here, I shopped the world, all while I'm seeing brand new and collectibles, thank you, on the information superhighway, you'll save more and find things like this when you do it even. But what is a man? What has he got?

If not a username, not a heck of a lot. You bid fair price, you make the sale. You get great value compared to retail. The feedback shows you won't get host when you do it even. Right, okay, hopefully it shouts out the right colors. um we got uh i'm playing blue i've got red uh are we allowed to look at what bids we got here yes that's your wallet basically that shows you you've got 10 25 50 my mine are going up oh there's

also there's a proxy card that's like the trump that will always win a bid yes unless another proxy is played on top of that yeah uh like your joker's wild you know what i mean okay 150 175 200 250 300 proxy so yeah all right so we're going to take turns at playing the third player in this, because that's the least you can do. Which is yellow, hopefully. All right. I'm going to press. So, you can press resume to pause the game, right, whenever you want.

And sometimes the next round won't start until you press resume. So it's not completely breakneck this game. Okay, fine. All right. Are we going to play to completion? Yeah. We're going to start because I think it takes about 20 minutes to play. All right, let's do this.

Let's get into it. Right, I've got the little microphone recording the eBay game, so hopefully you can hear this. Go, game. Let's press new game. Welcome to eBay. How many players? It's three. Yeah, there is.

Use the red, blue, and yellow cards. All good. Okay, so I got... Right, praise resume to bid. So, who's going to go for... Oh, no, it tells you who gets to bid, by the way. It cools out the colour. Yes, of course.

So you can't bid until it says blue. I know. All right, but you can put it on any of the three bays. Right, here we go. What have we got on the bays? Should we say before we go? Oh, so far, starting off with, I've got a crazy jack in the box, 100 quid. I've got Model Railroad.

Well, railroad, so it's $500. And then G.I. Joe Astonwrought. So that's our first bid. $100. All right, here we go. Resume. Yellow bids. Just stick anything on.

Anywhere you want. All items are still up for bid. Oh, right. Yeah, I can't count. You have to press the button first. Oh, red. I want this. So I'm going to put 50 quid on that.

Blue. Right, Eli's going to go now. He's putting blue on. What's he going to bid for? You've got to press the button quick. All you about the time. Yellow. This might not work this game.

All items are still up for bid. Still up for sale. Yellow. Yellow bids again. Fucking hell, just stick anything on. Red. I'm gonna put 100, I'm gonna put 10 pounds on that. I shouldn't have done that.

Oh no, that's 50, then 10. All items are still. They're still on sale. I'm getting very confused. Blue, your go. What are you gonna bid on? You have to... Red.

Red, I can't put, I'm gonna put 75 on. Yellow. Two, sword to the yellow. Fucking out, that's a neither of us. That's neither of us. 75, and they get all their cards back. That's neither of us. Now, I also forgot to mention this,

and we've both been doing it wrong. Oh, no. But if you put 50 on, you can't put 10 on top of that. You've got to put a higher number on. So you've always got to do your bid on higher. Get rid of these as well, because he won that. No, no, no. You keep the ones you didn't win the bid on.

So though they stay there, oh, I've just picked them up as well. Let's just start from another pack again. this is a game I don't want to say it I know we're going to resume to bid I don't want to say to play if we weren't doing a podcast at the same time

would it because we're trying to concentrate too much right hang on here we go we're going to start a new round so now we've got a girl's bike

in replace of the GI Joe thing do I replace these ones as well they stay there so we've still got the model railroad set and the jack in the box right let's do resume Bay three sold to the red oh

Press resume to bid. Okay. Well, that's mine, and I'm just going to take... You have to get rid of what did you pray? I'm going to get the 50 out because I did put the 50 down. So, okay, good. Right, resume, ready? Here we go.

New items are up for bid. Oh, yeah, the new item is a girl's bike again. Yellow, put another one down 50, fuck it. Blue, what are you going to bid on, though? Red. Red, I'm going to put down a... Sucks, man. ...seventy-five on top of that.

Press the thing. Okay, one, sold to the... Yes. Player. estimated value fucking 100 quid, mate. What was that on the front? What was it say? It is a display case.

Oh. So that means if you get all of a genre, that you haven't won that car, put it back. You didn't win that auction. It's for the green. It's for the yellow. Yellows is this one, the G.I. Joe. Because it said all new things, didn't it?

No, you don't do it for all new. You just do it for the one that was sold. Did I win this now? No, you haven't won that. That was what was actually on top. Yeah, but then that means you can't have the display case. Yes, that's right. And I'm going to put the display case.

Don't say fuck sake. You fuck that. I don't understand how to play this game. What's it saying now? It's saying we have to press resume to start the new bid. It's saying Paul's a big old cat. So now the new item is there's a homemade hits on CD disc and there's a girl's bike. There's two girls' bikes in bay two and three.

All right. This might not work in a podcast form this game. It doesn't. I'll tell you now, Paul. Maybe we'll do a version of this for cheap shots so people can see it. We're failing. Everyone's failed. Resuming.

Right, we have to give that. No, we don't. It stays there. You keep forgetting what you do. I'm frightened. Confused and frightened. I'm just got to remember that I could only bid in order of what I've got. I can't just put 10 down on top of 50.

That's right. So that's why you need them in order. Yes, I know. I've just been doing that now. Right, here we go. You're ready? I'll press resume. I've got mine in order.

Here we go. I'm going to press resume now. My house in order. Here we go. New items are up for bid. Blue. What are you going to bid on? Oh.

Yellow. Yellow. They're going to bid on 25 here. Let's look at here. Red. Red. Oh, that's me. I've got to put more than that.

I'll put 25 on as well. All items are still up to red. Red. Oh, I'm going to put 100 quid. Yellow. Fuck. Blue. Fuck.

I'm not, it's too quick. One sold to the blue player. Right, you got the CD then. And you've got to give 50 away, but you can take your other cards back. So get rid of 50. Right, and then here we go. So now we resume. and then I've still got money on that card.

So, yeah, okay, fine. Resuming next round, the new item is what? I've got model railway I'd set again. Oh, another one of them. All right, here we go. Two girls' bikes. Two girls' bikes. Here we go.

Worth 300 each. Bay three sold to the yellow. Oh, me. I just won that. Yellow to the yellow. Bay three sold to the yellow. Thank you. But this is Bay Three.

Yes. But how does it know yellow? That makes no sense. That's what it said. Wait, how does it say yellow? Because I bought, I'm on that. I'm the top card. I'm the top card.

It said yellow. We both heard it. Maybe it didn't accept the button because I didn't press it fast enough. That's right. You're not very good at this. No, it's just really hard to get the button pressed after you put the card down. Don't you agree?

I just love the tone when it gets a little bit childish. But don't you agree? A little bit of a bit too. A little kid complaining a little bit there. I'm just a bit confused because it takes it's too fast. Yeah, come on. Let's go. All right.

Here we go. right here we go so did you win that one so you've won that one okay that's the new one the railroad so I need to take these cards back because I obviously didn't win the bid but they how much you've spent it doesn't know because it knows the last bid was done by yellow because it said

yellow bay whatever yeah but it doesn't know how much I don't just understand this game did it say something here we go let's just fucking start again it's now a scary puppet for a hundred quid in Bay 3 oh that's nice items are up for bid yeah we got it blue blue bud on something blue

bids a hundred pound. Red, I'm going to bid 25 pound with that. I'm not picking it up. Yellow. Yellow bids 10 on the fucking bike. He keeps winning. Press resume to bid.

How does this fucking, and then take 10 off and then take the other cards back? Can't we, when he says resume to, can't we bid, try to outbid him there? Yeah. Well, we can't bid it once. It's closed the sale. So that's yours back and I get this back.

Yeah. That's how it's won it. I don't understand. I don't understand this either. Let's just keep on going. Press the button eBay, go Bay three sold to the red Yeah, why's you saying that?

So I won that for, oh I paid overpaid for that I paid $125 and it was a hundred Yeah, you take that back Yeah, right, yeah, right, here we go, next round It's a display case No, I need to change this book, that stays there red Oh, 75 Just stick anything down

Blue, blue, bead bin, All items are still up for bid Yellow. Yellow bid on whatever. Blue. Blue. Red. 150 I bid on that.

Blue. What are you going to bid on? Yellow. Just stick again. You got a cold down. Press it. Red. I'm going to do...

I'm going to go to pass. I'm going to let red stand. Yes. Got the fucking model railway set. was an estimated 500 quid and I pay $150. You throw that away. And I'll give my blues back.

You get your blues back. See, now the game's coming together. Now I'm feeling it. Now I'm feeling the buzz. I didn't see what you did there. I just skipped my go. The buzzer means you haven't put your locked in the bidding time. So that's how it knows I got my bidding,

which means a lot of my bids I've been putting down for no reason because it hasn't registered them. I've got a fever coming on. I've got a fever coming on. Bebea fever. Winless fever. Here we go. Right, next round, right, and the new item is another display case and a scary puppet for a hundred quick.

I've got a scary puppet over here. There we go. They got a fucking big... Get rid of that card, fuck them, press resume to bid. New items are up for bid. Chest is on the table, chest. Red, I'm gonna pay... Oh, I can't...

Fuck, ah, fuck. Yellow. I've only got on any... All items are still up. are still up to bed. Red. Right, I'm going to do this one. Yellow.

Yellow, fuck yellow on the chess. Didn't get it in time. Bay two, sold to the yellow player. Fucking hell, Yellow, what's going on? What's going on with yellow? Yellow. I'm playing yellow and I'm winning it. You're not, we're both playing yellow,

because we're all just on the same way. Who's playing yellow, Paul? I'm playing yellow. You're not playing yellow. I fucking am. Yellow is the fucking dust. Bay 2. We're both slapping them on yellow.

We haven't actually... Not we. Not we. Not we. Because you're close to those cars. Who do you think you are? I am. Okay.

Right, here we go. Shut up. It's all scary monkeys. Yellow. Quick, just 400 quid on. Red. Red. I'm going to put 300 on.

New. I'm going to put 300 on scary monkey. Bay. One, sold to the blue player. Yeah, so you get that, but you have to take the 100-quered away. Right, that will teach you, and you get those cards back. Right, next, resume. Bay three, sold to the red.

Hey, I get that then. I get a display case. Fuck you, Daddy-o. All right, yeah, they're yours, and I take that one back. How about that then? Right, so now there's a chessboard, scary puppet, and a gift card's on the table there, a gift card. You have to bid for them.

You don't know what they're worth. All right. But here we go. Go. There we go, come on. I'm going to put 25 quid on the gift card. Blue. What are you going to put down?

Yellow, what's he going to put down? You can't put it yet 50 out. I put 300 on there. Wasn't in time. You need to put something higher than 300. Too late. Too late, red. 175 on the gift card.

All items are still up to bid. I'm going to fucking win this. Got a win. Red. At 75 on the chess. Blue. Yellow. Quick.

Doesn't matter. A two. Sold, Tupah. Hey, I got the scary thing for 300 fucking quid. And then that monkey money goes back. That monkey. That monkey goes back as well, actually. There are no monkeys.

It's a punch model. You kept saying monkey. Stop saying monkey. Monkey. You're a dick. You're a dick. Oh, no, honestly, you are a terrible dick. Right, here we go.

I've got only a few cards left. How many have you got? I've got like four. Oh, dear. I've been a bit reckless. Right, resume. Chess, G.I. Joe. Yellow.

What are you going to bid on? Blue. What's blue going to bid on? You can't put 25 quid on top of that. Red. I'm going to put a proxy. Oh, it doesn't care. One sold to the blue player.

Thank you. Wait, you can't. I'll put, then I'll put, how about that? I'll put the one that's 250. I'll be fair. I'll get rid of the 250, all right? Fine. So you get the gift card.

Thank you. And I get my cards back. And you get those two back. And I get this one back. Turn 50, 25, 75, 75, 200 proxy I've got left. And now there's a Edison phonograph. For 200 pounds on Bay 1. Record player.

This one has no actual fucking clue what is going on. and we've not done a very good job explaining our play process. This is a shit show and not suitable to an audio medium more than maybe any other game I've done recently. Picked up a nasty bug somewhere. Right, well, I've got the bug. The gambling bug.

All right, here we go, resume. New items are up for bid. Red. Right, I'm going to do... It sucks, this sucks, man. 10 pounds on that. Yellow. Fuck, I can't accept it.

New. Bay three, sold to the... Oh, I've got another one, and I've got a set. And I've got my card. So that's good. Oh! We must be hitting endgame now, actually. Yeah, resume.

Yeah, Zoom. Resume. Yeah, go on. Monkeys on. New items are up for bid. Oh, there's a gift card. Blue. What's he going to bid on?

Red. I'm going to do proxy for the gift card. Yellow. Wrong button. Bay one. Sold. Tooth. Oh, you get the grammar phone for 75.

Get rid of that card and take you all the other cards back. Right, resume. When's this game over? Resume. You thought you had the bug, man. Right, yellow won that. Right, so they get the card there and then that card over there. Okay. Yeah, go for it.

Alien mask or something. Blue, you bid. Yellow. Yellow, just bid anything, fuck it. Red. Red. I'm going to bet a bid. Bay 2. Sold to the red player. Press resume to bid.

Yeah, I got that. He's got a lot of stuff. And then yellow can fuck off. Do I get this back? I don't, because the vid's still there. Yeah, no, the vid's still there. So I've got four cards left. And there's a new item now, and that is a my sister's favorite doll. Right, next go. New items are up for bid.

Yep. Yellow. Yellow, bid anything, just fucking whatever. Blue. Blue. Bid's 25. Red. Uh, 25 on that. Bay 3. Sold to the red. Yes, I got a gift card.

Resume to bid. Have I lost me proxy. And now there's a lovely dolly as well on this one. Ready? Resume. New items are up for bid. Yellow. Yellow.

Just stick it on. Just matter. Red. Doesn't count. Red. Oh shit, 175 on the dolly. Blue. Bay, three.

Three, sword to the red. Hey, fucking yes, mate. He's cheating. I've only got two cards, though, now. He's cheating. Now it's a fuzzy pink snake for 100 quid in Bay 3. And Eli has a fuzzy pink snake in Bay 1. And the sister's dolly.

I've got a fuzzy pit snake. Yeah, and a pink one as well. And still 250 bid on yellow for Bay 2, which is the Dolly. Which of these would you like? I'd like the fuzzy pink snake more than life itself. No, you wouldn't. Oh, wait, I'm going to. If you liked that.

snake that much, you would own one. I'm going to use my gift card and take your fucking... You can't take my gift card. I thought you had a display case. You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm taking your scary doll. Fuck you. I'm taking your scary doll with my gift card. That's out there and then that's there.

Well, I'm taking... What do you want? Who do you want to take? Hey, what do you want to take? Taking the scary doll back. You can't take the scary doll back. I just got the scary doll. Fuck you! Oh, we're going to do this fucking resume then, all right? Here we go. Do you know how sick of this now? Here we go.

New items are up for bid. Red. Red. Two hundred on the doll. I've only got one card left. Bay two, sold to the yellow player. Fuck, save. Put those cards there.

Resume. New items are up for bid. Yeah, it is a... New. Presidential silverware. Red. I can only put... Well, no, I'm going to better pass.

So let it pass. Yellow. Yellow's gonna bid 250 on the board. A one sold to the new player. Oh, there you go, you got that card then. You have to get rid of that one and then get your other cards back. Have I got any in there? Yeah.

Give me my red card, you man. Give me my red card, you man. Is that right? Yeah, 25 quid and 250 I've got left now, which is not great. And I've got 200 still bid on the Fizzy Pink Snake. Oh, and there's what, 250 bid on the yellow. I haven't got many options. Right, here we go.

New items are up for big. Yeah, it's the dolly. Yellow. Yellow bids. Just put 300, fuck it. Blue. What are you going to bid on? Oh, you fucked it.

Red. No, I'm going to let it pass. Which was it? What was it? Blue. What was it? That, it was that. So you lost $25 quid. Put that over there.

Right. I've got $250 and $25 quid left. I've got $10, $125, $200,300, and proxy. I've spent too much here. Here we go. Bay three, sold to the red. Yay, I got on with my thing. I've lost 200 quid though now. Right.

It's a display case. Red. Oh, 25 quid. On the display. Yellow is going to bid. You can just leave, actually. You can just let it. Bay 2.

Sold to the yellow player. No, you didn't need to give. Now they've got the fucking $500 silverware. How is the game that we're not really focusing on winning? This is fucking stupid. Right. Resume. Crossword puzzle book.

Red. Oh, may just put 250 on that. I'm out of cards. I'm going to sit this out now. Bullocks. Bay two. Sold to the blue player. He's got, he wins that.

But at least I get my money back. And there's now a dis, there's two display cases for a hundred. Just all display cases now. Oh, blimey, let's begin. New items are up for bid. Yep. Yellow. Yellow.

Bid's 250. Red. I may as well bid 250 as well. Blue. I bet you're not meant to do that. Bay two, sold to the blue. Right, well, he gets that and I get my money back at least. Go.

Bay three, sold to the red. Yay, I got a gray one. Zoom to bid. Right, next. And it's a crossword puzzle for 200 quid now. Last round. Oh, it's the last round. Blue.

Blue. Yellow puts 300. Oh, I can bet it pass, I guess. Red. I'm going to bid for the crossword puzzle. Bay one, sold to the blue player. Press resume. Right, and the game's over.

Let's see what happens now. Is it over? Yeah, it said last round. So this is it how it stays. Bay two, sold to the yellow player. They get a gift top. Resume, Bay three, sold to the red. Yeah.

Press resume. So I get the crossword puzzle for 200 quid. Right, resume. Game over. Right, now we have to add it all up. No, it's just everything now that you've spent. One yellow. And now we're looking at the actual prices.

So, one yellow, estimated value 300. It's actually 100. Right, so that's 100. I had a blue crossword puzzle, estimated 200. It's worth 200. I'll have that. And then a model railway set. That was estimated of 500.

But I, oh, it's actually a grand. Oh, what the fuck? Right, that's a good start. Now, here's my reds, because I've got loads of reds. I've got one, two, three, three, four, five, six. So I've got two groups, and then I've got the display,

two groups of three is six. You must have seven. One, two, three. Yes, that's the seventh. That's what I'm saying. One, two, three, one, two, three, seven. So I've got two groups. So I'm going to add them up.

So that is 150. That's 200. So I double that. And that's 400 plus a display case, which is 500. Yeah. So I'm going to put 500 down here. And then I'll go through this one.

I've got $100, $400, $300 for actual price. $400, $600, $6, $7, $8. So double that is $1,600 plus $1,700. So $1,700 for that. And then I've just got $0.50 extra. So now I'm going to add it all up now. 17. For God's sake, let me do it.

What's 100 add $200,000, add $1,000, add $5. What, you just ruined it? It's not going to work. Just let me add it up to you. I can't do numbers in my head. It's tough. So annoying. Just add it all up.

So annoying. Come on, do me maths for me. I am. I bet you're going to do it wrong so I lose. 3,580. Right. I'm just going to double check that now. 100, add 200, add 1,000, add 500, add 1,000, add 500,000, add 150 equals 3,500.

I get the extra points then. 3,000. Oh, no, but I want it 50. Here, three thousand five hundred and fifty. That looks like an eight. That's a 50. Yeah, that's fine. So, let me just write that down.

Twat. No, I'm just saying you, I'm doing it right. God, it's so fucking tedious. Right, 3,550 for Paul. Now, let's do yellow, because we do yours last, in case you win, it's a nice big twist. So they got one group. Let me do it.

I'll do it. You write them down. All right. You write the numbers down. They did get one group of colours. They got one group of reds. Yeah. Oh, they got two groups?

No, one group. Yeah. Okay, so... Talking to the mic, please, you're too far away. I'm looking at the actual value. Yeah. Of the sister's favourite doll, checkered Game of Life, G.I. Joe, Astronaut.

Yeah. What are they? 100, 100, 100, 300. All right. Is it a display case? So 300, so it's 600 then, because it's double. That's right. So 600.

And there's no display case at all in that section they've got. Okay, so I was just going to say you can't add any more to it. Fine, all good. What's next? We've got two, we've got a yellow card, girls buy two of them. Okay, how much are they actual price? One is 600, one is 300.

So that's 900 altogether, yeah? And then what have they got last? Then we've got collectibles, presidential silverware. Yeah, how much is that actual? Estimated 500, actually 200. Oh! And also another one, presidential silverware, estimated 500,000. Oh!

1,200, is that all the cards? And then they've got the gift. That doesn't mean anything. It's not worth anything. So let me add that up. add 200 add 900 add 600 add 600 addition you never learned long edition to do a pen okay I have genuine problems mate with numbers yeah in my head you do yeah and it is a problem that I struggle with equals that's not right let me do it no give me the piece of paper just give me the fucking piece of paper I put an extra number in by accident oh fuck 2,700 overall for yellow 2,700 now eli it's up to you Can you bring it home?

Can you do a last-minute twist reveal? Oof, what's going to happen? All right, here we go. With the ones that aren't in a set. Do you have any groups? Two sets. Two groups. You have two groups.

All right, that's good. All right. But these, I've got two display cases. Well, I see you've got one for each group then. That's good. So you can add the extra bonus on. One lone model railway set. How much is that?

Estimated 500, actual 200. Okay, 200 is your starter. And then your first group. It's gone to the red set. Right, your first red set. What have you got actual price on the back? Okay, we got Scary Puppet, 300. How much is it?

Is that the real price? That's the real price. All right, 300, yeah. Fuzzy Pink Snake, 50. Okay. My favourite, my sister's favourite doll, 50. Okay. Double that.

So that's... 800. 800, yeah. Plus, yeah. Display case. Which is another 100, so that's 900, yeah. You got a set of blue? Yeah.

Go on. How about you talking to that, go on. Edison photograph, phonograph, $100. All right, so it's 100. I've jibbed on that as well. 100. Completed puzzle book, 200. 200, so that's 300.

No. Sorry, 100 was the actual value. So how much have you said so far? 100, 200 so far. Yeah. All right, okay. And another 100. So that's 600, 200, double it, yeah?

That's right. So 600. Plus 100. So 700. Yeah. That's it. I'm done. Is that it?

So 200, 900, 900, 700, 700. 1800. Plus 9,000, plus 700, plus 700. It's 1,000,000, 1,000, 1,000,000. No, 1800. 1,800. Which means, let me just do the maths one more time in third. You won.

We all know you won. He cheated. Third place against an imaginary, against himself, actually. Yes. You beat yourself. I did. I often do. And then, yeah.

Thanks for listening, everyone. 2,700 for yellow. Eli did much better when he didn't care and was playing another game. And I got 3,550, which must be cheating. That's not cheating. I think you were. don't think I cheated at all. Neither of us know how to play the game.

You cheated. All I know is that I won. And that's ultimately all that matters. So Eli Silverman, thank you for playing eBay. That sucked. You didn't like that game? No. No.

Why not? It's the strategy. What's the fucking shit. What's what card you spend and where and what items you really want to collect the set? What their actual value is anyway. I know, but that's part of the risk, isn't it? That's bullshit. Oh, well, Eli didn't like it.

Like, he doesn't like anything because he just complains all the time because there's no joy left in his hole. Oh, there's not. no joy left in my hole. I'll let you know there's plenty joy. It's a glory hole. Is it? That's how much joy's in there. Glory, glory. Hallelujah. Thanks for

listening, everyone. Yeah, let's wrap this off. I need to take some paracetamola. And I need to bask in the glory of a win. Oh, well done. Well done. Thank you. I can say it. I thank you. I'm the eBay master. In fact, I'm quite shocked. In fact, eBay gum. I'm sorry.

You're not. You're not. You're not sorry? I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for saying I'm sorry as this kind of deflective thing you do all the time. I'm not sorry about that either. Ha! Ha! Hark! What news on the album? You can't. I can't believe you make me use your shit words. So I did a very unusual thing because I was bored a few days ago when I was looking at the cheap show album. And I'm not quite sure how this all... Is it a chart? Are we on the charts? We're in the charts, everybody.

Thank you for once again ruining my lead up to that. I'm sorry, I just guessed. But I found a link because, you know, when I made the album, I had to come up with a, what's it called a code for it? A particular number for the album. Is it like the ISDN number? It's something like that, but it's called C-H-something comedy, whatever, 0-0-1. It's like books have that list.

Yeah, it's like that for an album. I had to get one of those generated. When I was looking for it online... Oh, you mean the index? Yeah, whatever. So when I was looking online for that, the website for the official chart popped up. And so do you want to know where we charted? I think we saw, like, really just in general from the options I'm seeing here, right?

So this is the official chart. You can go to official charts.com, look for Cheap Show. Oh, here we go. CHPS001. That is the catalogue number for this. Yeah, catalogue number, of course. So this is the official Scottish albums chart. We reached number 90 in that.

We were in the top 100 for a week. Specifically speaking, the 14th of August this year. Thanks for buying our LP, everyone in Scotland. And then in the official independent albums chart, we reached 44. Oh, that's even better. Top 75, top 100. Yeah.

And then... High five. High five. Wait, there's one more. The official independent album breakers chart. I don't know what the parameters are for that. But we were peak position eight. Oh, we've got, break the top 10.

Top 10, top 20, top 40, top 75, top 100. That was enough to make us chart in some parts of the internet. How funny. Yeah, it's good. But we're, you know, we're album charting musical artists now. So we want to thank everyone who bought it. Like the Grumbleweds. Just like the Grumbleweeds.

Maybe this is what will happen. Instead of moving into comedy from music, we'll go the other way around. But thank you. Everyone who's involved in it. Everyone who bought it. Noisland, a big thank you to you too. still one of my favorite things you've ever done on this podcast

so thank you very much and look I'll keep it short everything you need to know is at our one-stop shop the cheapshot co.com. Everything's there. You'll find us anywhere else on the internet from that point.

Every two weeks on YouTube we are now doing cheap shots short little videos that actually end up being a bit longer than we expect but they're lots of fun and finally we have lovely support from people on Patreon

who get access to extra podcast behind the scenes videos future advance access to the cheap shot and all sorts of bloody things so if you'd like to join their number Patreon.com forward slash cheap show give what you can but only if you can

and we're back next week you're right hopefully if I don't get hospitalized with this a bug a terrible bug well if anyone would like to audition for co-host for filling in Eli's position you'd be destroyed I would probably just use AI and see how long can get away with it

I'll just say we recorded episodes in the bank and this is all re-release How long do you think it would be till someone found out I completely fucking John Lennon the shit out of you His dad had a single. Did you know that? No.

Terrible, isn't it? Like Sean Connery's brother, who got a film made because he looked a bit like his brother and had the surname Connery. Crazy stuff. Yeah. Anyway, you think's listening, guys. I'm really sorry.

Eli,'s really been really shit this week. And I can only apologise on behalf of me and Cheap Show HQ of Eli's aggressive on professional. He is Chief Show HQ. I'm going to have to write that. He's abusive. This is clearly abuse.

This is going to sort of write this down as well. down all you want. And do you know what you can do after you've written down? I'm just going to write this down. Wipe your ass with it. Wipe. Surly. Wipe your ass. Sury.

Scrape the poo-poo that leaves on your poo-poo-hole. Aggressive, threatening surly behaviour for me, like. Wipe your ass with it and then munch it down. I am not touching your grumbleweeds. I'm telling you that. Right, is that how's finished then this week? Goodbye. Goodbye, everyone.

Goodbye, everyone. I get the last worded. Bye. Thank you.